SIETAR-Valencia How to avoid and manage (intercultural) miscommunication? Non-Violent Communication model of Marshall Rosenberg
Jackie van der Kroft www.jackievanderkroft.nl
Presentation
• Welcome • Introduction • Marshall Rosenberg • Model “Non-Violent Communication” • “Violent” communication • Connection intercultural field • Wrap up
Introduction: Who am I?
Marshall Rosenberg
• Did grow up in Detroit – race riots • Clinical psychologist • Searching for a language to connect while dealing
with differences • Developed model “Non-Violent-Communication” • 1984: started up NVC (non-profit & international) • Model used in conflict prevention & resolution,
dealing with differences………..
Jackal & Giraf
Model Non-Violent Communication • Based on language and communication skills • Goal: clear and honest communication • Way of life Therefore needed: • Respect, understanding, empathy, listening, compassion • Awareness of own judgements, observations, feelings • Compassion for yourself & others (otherwise growth is
not possible) • Taking responsibility of your own feelings, thoughts • No decision based on: fear, ,fault, sense of duty • No to defend, withdraw, attack
• …
Model: 4 elements
1.Observe 2.Feelings 3.Needs 4.Request
Model: 4 elements
1) Observe Observable behaviour: clearly expressing what we see - Avoiding criticism, accusation (evokes resistance) Pitfall: mixing with judgments (analysing, interpretation…)
Model: 4 elements
2) Feelings Recognising and communicating: communicate what these observations do with you (be vulnerable) Important: the other person is never the cause of your own feelings (= based on your own need) – often it is the stimulus Pitfall: naming of quasi feelings (f.e. thoughts)
Model: 4 elements
3) Needs Expressing needs which are connected to your feelings Judgements are based upon your own unmet and not identified needs Pitfall: mixing with a strategy
Model: 4 elements 4) Request Expressing what we would like of the other person -use positive terms: what would you like that the other person does in stead of not does -remember: you always have a choice Important: check how the other person did receive your request (needed: to receive request with compassion) Pitfall: request sounds as a demand, mandatory (can cause feelings of quilt, shame)
Violent Communication
Obstacles -to advice, breaking off, to question, to correct, take it personally, feeling responsible for feelings of the other person, to start telling your own story…
Violent Communication
= not staying connected with the other person, yourself, your needs by for example: 1)Moralistic judgments: the other person behaves not in accordance with your own values (= based on your own needs 2)To compare: with lives of others (= way of judging) 3)Denying own responsibility: we are responsible for our own feelings, thoughts, actions 4)Expressing our needs as a demand: difference between a request and a demand
Short exercise – Violent Communication You have a couple of minutes to: exchange shortly with your neighbour what kind of “violent communication” you use sometimes yourself and what has been the effect of it?
Connection Intercultural Field • We are all connected with each other, even more
nowadays via social media – this can lead to more miscommunication and misunderstanding
• Differences occur during interaction with each other – may create unsafe environment
• To be vulnerable = more difficult in unsafe settings
In short: method to support staying connected when dealing with differences
Wrap up
Thank you for your attention and wishing you inspiring intercultural encounters! [email protected] www.jackievanderkroft.nl