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By Matt Kendall

We are going to cover Who I am and how I have built social circles in the past

Internal and External validation

Why social lives change and deteriorate

Why London is different than other places for social circles

The difference between passive, reactive and proactive social lives

Even more stuff We are going to work out what situation and how to move

forward

Mind traps and staying stuck

Taking responsibility

Becoming the hub

Meeting new people

Finally, Matt’s big super special ending which is fabulous

Why this is so importantYour social life is going to do one of

two things;

Get better (with intervention)

Or get worse (leaving it to chance)

Social isolation and health Research shows the link between social interaction

regulation of our hormonal and metabolic systems.

Social interactions reduces stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline.

Social interaction lowers your chance of disease at every stage of life

Lower stress levels, safety in numbers

Social isolation and health Lack of social interaction increases the risks of high blood

pressure, a fat waist, diabetes and heart disease.

Increase stress levels, lowers self esteems and overall quality of life

Less chance of reproducing

Isolation is now viewed as equally dangerous as smoking

By 2020, doctors predict that 50% of health issues will be stress related

Excuses :: Excuses :: Excuses People get married off/having kids

Too tired

London is too big

Not good at organising yourself

Don't get invited to things

Don't really like your friends you go out with (lonely in a crowd)

Want to try something new but no one will do it with you.

Fatherly Advice

Be nice to everyone.

Be useful.

Join teams and groups with an aim or purpose.

Give without needing to gain.

My advice

"The world doesn't owe you anything”

“No one is coming to rescue you”

Also, no one cares about your life as much as you do.

Living in Manchester

Moving to London

LondonArrived on 1st April 2009

All I had was 2 bags of clothes and a laptop

The only person I knew was my sister

I slept on a small sofa for 3 months

My Position Now I have a very healthy social life

I spend time with people who I want to spend time with

I am very organised with what I do

I have small focused groups of friends

I run Interesting Talks, which has over 24k members

I put myself in positions where I am meeting new people all the time

My week (04th Dec) Tonight I am speaking to you guys

Tuesday – Speaking for Funzing again

Wednesday - I am running Interesting Talks (400th talk)

Thursday – Cooking for my sister

Friday – Dinner with a friend

Saturday – Going to a friend’s party

Sunday – Parents in London

Taking Responsibility

Where you are in life right now might not be your fault.

However, your social life and happiness is your responsibility!

How to Be Liked The more you do, the more you enjoy your life, the

more you interact with people, the more people will want to be around you

Be fun, positive and interesting

Be the one who puts the effort in

External Validation Those who seek external validation from others will rarely

be happy.

They are likely to be submissive

Put off their own happiness for others

Tend to with have a reactive lifestyle

Ultimately not make the other person/people happy either.

Internal Validation More organised and motivated

Will take more challenges

Do things they want to do

Put their own happiness first

Be more outgoing

Be better company

Overall happier

Life Priorities in Manchester

Family

Social

Work

Life Priorities in London

Family

Social

Work

London Living Living in London is hard.

People work all week, not go out much after work and if so only for drinks.

Then a big session on Friday, feel crap all Saturday

Drinking again on Saturday night

Housework and hangover on Sunday

London Living In London people have a very insular life.

When you house share in Manchester, that is a large part of your social life.

In London, you might have 4 people in a house but everyone has their own lives.

London Living To escape loneliness people turn to other things.

In London these tend to be drinking, drugs, box sets and social media.

We spend more time on social media, then we do with people.

We also go back and try and reconnect with old friends rather than going out to make new ones.

So what does this mean? Ultimately your social life has a direct impact on your

self esteem, health and quality of life.

As a therapist I have worked with hundreds of people with low self esteem and confidence issues.

So many people are on medication or mask the issues by self medicating.

So what does this mean? When I work with clients they are always trying to go back

to how things were.

This happens a lot when you come out of a relationship.

You want to revert back to old ways. However your friends have moved on and settled down.

By not having current or new friends, our social life in our present, really suffers.

So what does this mean? As soon as you hit your 30's, it can almost seem that

our social lives, outside of work, revolves around birthday's, weddings and christenings.

Truth Bomb 1 Trying to get people to do things they don’t want to do!

Truth Bomb 2 The single vs relationship dilema

Truth Bomb 3 Investment traps! We keep investing time into people

and groups, although we don’t get what we want in return.

So What Can we Do?Doing things in large groups is HARD in

London.

Instead focus on doing things in small groups of people who want to be there!

Make sure you schedule things in your diary

Big Group

Rick, theatre and dinner

Cuddles – Dinner

Neil – Pub

Shame and Alex – naughtiness

Jasmia

My favourite baby - Mia

My Calendar

My Social Circle Every

2 weeks

TwiceWeekly

1-2 permonth

Monthly

Monthly

3-4 times per year

6-10 times per year

Why Do People Bond?

Time Shared Experiences

Places People Bond

Life Style Types Passive – Doesn’t really go out. Makes excuses for not

attending things. Will often flake if they arrange to do anything.

Reactive – Their social life is dependant on other people organising things. If they don’t get invited out, they stay in!

Proactive – Plans and does the things they want to do. Invites others along onto their adventures.

Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety

DO NOT MAKE THIS MISTAKE! Do not enter a social circle to just meet a new partner.

You will be rejected!

Let’s get started Before we can start to plan a social life, we need to

know where we are.

Exercise 1: Last 3 Social Activities

What you did Who Organised it 0/10 fun

Theatre trip Sarah 6/10

Camden Market Me 8/10

Comedy Night Mark 3/10

Exercise 2: Things you love

What is it? How much time per month

Yoga 4 hours

Swimming 0 hours

Arts and Crafts 2 hours

Exercise 3: Average Week

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Work Work Work Work Work Sleep Sleep

Work Work Work Work Work Sleep Sleep

Work Work Work Work Work Shopping Netflix

Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Drinking Dinner Netflix

TV TV TV TV Drinking Cinema Sleep

Exercise 4: Values Fun

Adventure

Support

SOH

Loyalty

Encouragement

Exercise 4: Values (0/10 at present) Fun

Adventure

Support

SOH

Loyalty

Encouragement

Make Your London ListLondon is one of the best cities in

the world.

What is it you want to do here?

Here are just some examples….

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London

Things you want to do in London List 5 places you want to visit

Mine are;

1) Richmond Park

2) London Eye

3) Sky Garden

4) Cahoots (restaurant/bar)

5) Lion King

Resources

Creative - Learning new skills Learning new skills allows you to meet like minded people

You meet once a week (or whenever)

Usually a social side

Day and weekend courses on Groupon!

Even consider doing a degree at uni

What do you want to learn?

Physical - Joining Clubs and Teams People bond over time and shared experiences.

When there is a common goal, people bond even more

What teams or clubs can you get into?

Keep it local, check out shop windows, Gumtree and Facebook groups

What value can you bring?

Giving Back – Charity work What issues do you care about?

How you use your time and skills to give back to a wider community

Is it something you can do on a weekly or monthly basis?

Meeting New People

Giving Back

Creative Physical

Exercise Come up with a list of activities, groups, experiences

you want to do that fall into the three categories

Think about increasing your low scores on your value wheel and what activities will increase them

Come up with examples for each

Giving Back

Creative Physical

Courses

Hobbies

Learning skills

Charity work

Volunteering

Community projects

Sports teams

Challenges i.e. 5k

Exploring

Being a Hub

Being a Hub 1. A clear goal

2. A strong leader who is able to make decisions and get things done

3. A solid platform

4. Consistency

5. Solid formats and variety.

What do you want to create? 1. What is the aim of meeting?

2. What platform will you use? Facebook group, Whatsapp, email, text, Meetup etc

3. When and where will this happen?

4. What format can you use?

Matt’s Big Finish What is one thing you want to do in London?

A skill you want to learn?

A group/team you want to join?

Your own project you want to set up?

You have 30 seconds to write ONE thing down for each!

What is your name

What is your one thing for each?

Now Network With People You have the rest of the night to meet with other

people and plan stuff

Get on with it!

Thank you and good night

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THIS EVENT IS SET UP BY

Choose your next event at Funzing.com

We've got you covered for next week as well