SOCIAL SKILLS: MAKING FRIENDS, INITIATING CONVERSATIONS,

"HIDDEN RULES," AND "EXPECTED" BEHAVIOR.  

Presented by Annie MacDowell, School Social Worker and Jeff Pawelski LCSW, Integrated Services Social Worker

Making Friends

“There is not a lack of interest in friendship, but rather a lack in social interaction skills”.

(Howard, B., Cohn, E., Orsmond, G.)

Future Concerns• Children with autism identified feelings

of loneliness and depression significantly more than typical peers.

• Adolescence with ASD experience low self-esteem and have increasing self-awareness of their differences.

• Friendship is an important mediator of social adjustment, with lack of friends related to later adjustment problems and low self-esteem.

The 3 Dimensions of Friendship(Distinguishing friends from non-friends)

( Buhrmester)

Companionship – A child’s ability to cooperate while spending time together in shared play or activities.

Intimacy – Openness in sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Necessary for loyalty, trust, and stability.

Closeness – Helps to establish bonds reflecting the strength of the child’s attachment (Habit 5, Seek first to understand then to be understood).

Key Components to Understanding Friendship

Emotional Recognition (Empathy/Compassion)

Theory of Mind (The ability to perceive how others think and feel, and how that relates to oneself)

Executive Functioning (Planning, Sequencing, Self-Regulation). Make a checklist

Teaching Methods Teach – Re-teach - Elementary students learn most effectively when

they access their prior knowledge, participate in active learning, and receive ample amounts guided practice.

Shared Interests - Build on their strengths.

Video Modeling - Let them see what they look like, how does the other person feel.

Self-Management - Promoting independence, self-monitor. Have students keep track of their own behavior.

Priming – Frontloading or Scaffolding. Expose a child to an upcoming event beforehand. Teach in the natural environment.

Written Scripts, Social Stories.

New Research Findings Online communication channels may offer a safe

place for individuals with poor social skills to engage in social interactions without worrying too much about the social skills required for face-to-face interactions.

Peer Mediated Interventions.

Initiating Conversation http://jillkuzma.wordpress.com/conversation-sk

ills/

ROADBLOCKS for some students: Fear/Anxiety (of rejection, teasing) Lack of interest in peers’ ideas Tendency to talk only about themselves/their

interests Doesn’t come naturally, must be taught Require (but have never received) specific teaching

of conversation skills Confusion about “hidden social rules”

How to Combat Roadblocks!

Fear/Anxiety Work on skills, memorize go-to convo. starters and topics,

use “friend files” Lack of Interest in Others

Introduce to kids who have similar interests (video games, etc.)

Self-focused One-Sided Sid! (Social Thinking)

Doesn’t Come Naturally Work on skills!

Hidden Social Rules Identify and explain them

Conversation Map by Jill Kuzma

Popular (and Appropriate) Conversation Topics at Westgate Video Games, particularly Minecraft Current Movies (Frozen, Lego Movie) Recess Games: Wallball, 4-Square, Football,

Basketball, Building Snow Forts Kids’ Sports Teams in the Area Books: Percy Jackson, etc. (ask librarians what’s

hot!) Passion Time Upcoming Stuff Like…

Vacations Holidays Middle School

Question Words! by Jill Kuzma

Conversation Self-Check, by Jill Kuzma

IF YOU ANSWER “YES” TO AT LEAST 3 QUESTIONS BELOW, YOU DID A GREAT JOB WITH CONVERSATION! Did I look at the speaker’s face? Did I ask at least one question? Did I make at least one comment? Did I eat neatly while I talked? Did I smile at least one time?

“Hidden Rules”: Stuff Kids are Expected to Learn Through Osmosis

De-Mystify Hidden Social Rules!

Explain social “clues”: TONE of voice, facial EXPRESSION, Body Orientation – What do the variations mean? Discuss it!

Explicitly discuss social norms – do not expect them to “know it” through osmosis.

If they have a question about a social interaction that seems silly, don’t laugh! Praise them for being brave enough to ask and answer as thoroughly and concretely as possible.

Big “Confusers” TONE of voice (many not notice) SARCASM Facial EXPRESSIONS (may not notice) TEASING

May become offended when teasing is kindly meant

May not understand when mean teasing appears friendly

Make a “Social Secrets” Book

http://jillkuzma.wordpress.com/perspective-taking-skills/teaching-ideas/

Print out template Print out “Social Secrets” Help student memorize them!

Expected/Unexpected Behavior Keep your eyes and body turned towards the

person you are speaking to.

Keep your comments focused on the topic.

Try to figure out social situations (Social Detective): What is happening around me? Why are you near me? Why are you saying that to me?

What are others thinking? Read body language.

Expected/Unexpected Behavior Cont’d

Make sure I don’t monopolize the conversation.

Am I excluding anyone?

Grooming (Take Pride In Your Appearance)

Be aware of odd behaviors (i.e. picking your nose, hands in your pants, stimming behaviors).