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Worldwide Marriage Encounter
Magazine December 2017
Fröhliche Weihnachten Buon Natale
Joyeux Noël Boldog Karácsonyt
Vrolijk Kerstfeest Nollaig Shona Daoibh
Sretan Božić Feliz Navidad
Veselé Vánoce Feliz Natal
Merry
Christmas
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100 club Big Draw
1st £60 Tom & Helen Foley
2nd £40 Mike & Carolla Divver
3rd £20 Andrew & Rosemary Milligan
After the mammoth Convention issue this will besomewhat slimmer - although weekends still happenand events still need marking. A poignant reminderof Karen Ireson - her obituary by John and Jan musthave been very difficult to write; thank you to Si, toofor the photographs. The article from Bernard andMaureen Jarvis after the Convention is alsowelcome - it was delayed as Maureen was unwell,so we are glad she is better now.
It was interesting to hear at the National Boardthe success of the Deepening Our Love programme.Designed by John and Brenda Levesley the oldBridge programme has been revamped to besuitable for delivery by any community couple to asingle couple or to a group. Several groups haveexperienced it now. The gradual introduction ofsupport couples who will accompany a couple intothe community after the weekend is also havingsome success. It is taking a while for the old systemof simply writing a prayer letter and praying over theweekend to a greater involvement to be fully takenon board. The support couple also can contact thecouple after the weekend, making phone calls andperhaps meeting or accompanying to communityevents, as well as delivering the Deepening OurLove programme if they wish, or finding othercouples who are experiencing it. The prayercoordinator can no longer simply ask at a groupmeeting for volunteers to pray - the closest possiblegeographical proximity to the weekend couple isvital. In this way we hope to bring as many of thewonderful couples we meet on weekends into thecommunity.
It only remains for us to wish you all a veryHappy Christmas! God bless!
Richard and Elizabeth
Editorial
3. Advent Reflection
4. Weekend News
5. Community News
6. Presenting the History of M.E.
8. The Fatima Pilgrimage
9. Irish Links!
10 Come on a Deeper
10 Thanks!
11. Karen Ireson RIP
12. Significant Anniversaries
13. Dates for 2018
Contents
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An Advent Reflection:Zechariah and Elizabeth
It is easy to rush through the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth in order to get tothe ‘important’ bit of the story, but they are perhaps worth a closer look. Not only didthey have the long years of trying and hoping for a baby, with the agonies anddisappointments which many modern couples will relate to, but they had 1st century Jewish prejudiceagainst them, as barrenness was seen as a punishment from God. What soul-searching they must havegone through, as they realised that the background weight of sorrow which they carried every day wasto be lifelong. Such pain can bring couples closer together or drive them apart – we have no evidencebut a suspicion that in this case God chose a couple who were close and loving to bear the forerunnerof His Son. After all, this baby, unlike another soon to be conceived, would be the result of normal humanrelations.
The road to Damascus experience was still to come, or Zechariah might have likened his Templevision to it. Did his lack of belief stem at least partly from fear of shattering his hard-won acceptancewith hopes which would then compound his sorrow when they came to nothing? We don’t know.However it was, he came out dumb.
It is easy to assume that the conception took place straight away, (late September for theAnnunciation in the March of the following year) but closer reading says ‘some time later’. How muchlonger did they have to wait? Again, we don’t know. Zechariah was locked 24/7, alone in his own silence.(Affliction like that today would be frustrating in the extreme, but at least we would have email,Facebook and Twitter!)
What effect must his dumbness have had on their relationship? How frustrating it must havebeen! Zechariah had been a priest in the temple – a man of status, and however well-loved, Elizabethwas a mere woman – and a barren woman at that. It is perhaps fanciful, but was he possibly a man wholiked the sound of his own voice and the weight of his authority and opinions? Maybe the gentle wisdomof Elizabeth, emboldened by her own new status, now had a chance to be heard.
Did the silence help him in his spiritual journey? It is something that monks choose to do for partor most of their day, but at least for them, no one else is speaking in their chosen times of silence. Inthe lonely months he perhaps came to know God in a way which had been impossible in the days whenhe could pontificate to his heart’s content? (And maybe even prepare him for parenthood, when sooften one has to bite one’s tongue!)
Could Elizabeth read? And was their relationship was carried on through writing? How other-wise would Elizabeth have known that the baby’s name was to be John? Zechariah certainly called forwriting instruments when he wrote “His name is John” for all to see. It is hardly ‘dialogue’ as we knowit, but fun to imagine how it just might have been – a forerunner of a system of communication weknow so well. It would surely have eased his heart to pour out his feelings during those taciturn months.
And when Mary came to visit, Elizabeth at least was ready to recognise her as the mother of herLord. What a moment!
Elizabeth Poole
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St Aloysius, Euston EE 2-3rd Sept 10 coupleswith John & Brenda Levesley, James & VeronicaMbogoro, Charles & Krysia Golabek, and FatherLeo Mooney.
A great M.E. weekend 13 - 15Oct at St Claret’s, Buckden,with seven couples. The teamwere Michel & Jacky Jordan, Mike &Margaret Cooper, Martin & AggieKalungu-Banda and Fr Andy Burns.
Weekend News
Ibis Rugby M.E.with Simon & Janice Kendal, Paul& Bianca Smith, Bernie & Ann Tierney & FatherTeddy O’Brien and five couples.
Hallam 11 - 12 Nov. 6couples with Charles &Krysia Golabek, James &Veronica Mbogoro and FatherTom Ryan.
Thank you for all the prayers for these
weekends.
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Community News
Community Day at Rubery.
National Board atHemel
A long and very busyweekend - lots ofchallenging formation andplenty of business to keepus out of mischief!
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Way back this time last year we were asked topresent 'something' on the history of WWME for theSunday morning at the Convention. As people whofind saying 'no' very complicated, we agreed, then,as is our custom, put it on our back burner for a fewmonths. At the previous Convention we had beenasked to do something similar, also on the Sundaymorning. Some of our thinking went along the linesof “Last time can't have been too bad if they want usto do it again,” swiftly followed by “However canwe do something about history, without it beingboring repetition?” We had been asked to make itentertaining, but short of the Horrible Histories,Black Adder, or Time Team, all of whom had manymore resources than those available to us, ourproblem was how we could make MarriageEncounter history, which was a load of dates andplaces, funny? The Sunday morning of theConvention was required to be light and not toochallenging. So what could we fit into the half hourslot that we fondly imagined we had been given?
The first big shock for us was discovering that wehad ninety minutes to fill. We decided that an hourand a half of our voices recounting facts wouldhardly be classed as entertainment, so we lookedaround for additional help. Forty five years of MEwould take us into five decades, starting from theseventies, and these had been interesting times forthe church and the world. Our first decision was totrack down a couple for each decade, someone whohad made their weekend at each stage of Encounter.They had to be from the right time zone, willing todo the work, and (very important) booked for theConvention! We hunted, enquired and discovered.To our amazement everyone we asked said 'Yes'.Then we had to come up with what we wanted themto do. There had to be similarity but we wereanxious to avoid repetition. We said a prayer, wrotean outline, and trusted that each couple's experiencewould be unique. We were not disappointed!
This part settled, we started to witter about thewhole format of the talk. We decided that if wetravelled forwards in time, everyone in our audiencewould second guess what was coming, so we madewhat we later worried was a foolhardy choice to
work backwards, starting with Now. In the event,Now was even more up to date than we hadanticipated! An idea for additional entertainmentwas that Maureen would track down, and wear, a hatfrom each decade. Some were still in her wardrobe!The entertainment value remained a headache so we
sent out a plea for assistancevia our database couple. Wewere chasing people'smemories, because we haddecided these were anessential part of our history.This had worked well at the
previous Convention, but weneeded new stuff. The material slowly trickled in.We had asked for funny stories but we also got sadones, stories of loss and grief from widows, andeven messages from people who had not enjoyedtheir weekend. (We were astonished that the latterwere still on the data base.) How to weave all thisinto our plot added to our headache.
One loud message that came across from theConvention organisers was that when this Historywas written it would be lodged in the ME Archiveso that it was available for all.
Producing our own input was also a worry. We werebooked to spend the summer in Canada with ourdaughter and would be able to do a lot of the workthere, but we couldn't pack the pile of documentsand back copies of Spirit that we had accumulated.We also fretted about how we would divide up theresponsibilities between us, in the end deciding thatBernard would search the Internet for suitablematerial and backdrop photographs, Maureen wouldwrite a first draft of the talk which Bernard wouldedit. But where was the material for the history?
Thank goodness for the Internet! Once in Canada wewere able to use this incredible facility to liaise withour press-ganged 'volunteers' and their talkswhizzed to and fro across the Atlantic during thesummer. We found an amazingdatabase of back copies of Spirit fromthe USA, eMatrimony.
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Here was our answer, because,hidden in all this wealth ofcouple experience, dating back tothe earliest days of Encounter,were the nuggets of informationwe were searching for. But there
was much more and what wediscovered was mind blowing. The human stories,acts of extreme generosity, reaching out in love tostrangers and trusting that God would provide,moved us to tears many times. Our problemsuddenly was not a shortage of information, butmuch too much; we could have filled the entireConvention Weekend!
When we returned to England the hat hunt was on!Two of Maureen's own, three from a friend's hathoard. Maureen worried about whether they wouldappear too frivolous. And would she be able topresent wearing something from a wedding?
The Convention was a package of joy and worry forus! The sound was not working on the Saturday andthe extra microphone we needed had disappeared.Our sound and light engineer, (John Levesley)hadn't realised that we were working backwards intime and his material was designed to go forward.To our relief he was able to flip it so that thebackground and music correlated with the talk.One triumphant discovery of Bernard's had been aphoto of Pope Francis looking at the ME logo. Wehad a nervous hour before the talk when the soundand light was not working meant the Pope would bemissed!
The Saturday evening Grand Anniversary Dinnersaw us sitting with the Austrian Leadership.Somehow, despite their lack of English and our lackof German, they managed to tell us that the veryfirst weekend in Siberia was taking place at thatmoment, led by a team from Austria.. We scribbledsome notes to add to our talk and sent the team inSiberia a text messge with love and prayers fromthe Convention. We were actually making thehistory for our talk!
Throughout our thirty four years with Encounter wehave been impressed and deeply moved by the wayMarriage Encounter's links travel the world. Wehave done a bit of travelling in our own right andhave met and entertained couples and priests fromvarious countries, but what we were discovering aswe did the research was mind-blowing. Writing thehistory talk made us realise afresh what anextraordinary enterprise we are all part of. WWME
is an amazing network of links around the world,producing astonishing relationships betweenunlikely countries. Liaisons, progress, partnerships,and lifelong friendships, are brought about, not bydiplomats or presidents, but via a phone call from acouple here, a request from a priest there, a smallcommunity's generosity somewhere else. Aninstant communality between strangers thatoverrides language, age, culture and even religion.
From now on, when we get saddened by the state ofthe world as described in the media, we will remindourselves about the boat which travels betweenislands to collect couples for weekends in Fiji,about India reaching out to Brazil, about thebravery of teams in communist Hungary, daring tohold the weekends against the law at the time. Wewill remember the East German Leadership, whotravelled from home in fear and returned in joy, theweekend the Berlin Wall came down.
And all this astonishing transformation hashappened in only forty nine years from the veryfirst weekends. We are part of a web of love,spreading round the world, starting out from thelove of a couple for each other and from that of apriest for his people. What incredible power!
The plan is that the Convention History Talk willeventually be lodged in the Archive and availablegenerally. We have quite a bit more work to do onit before this can happen! The current format waswritten as an entertainment. The entertainmentvalue seemed to work – we overran our ninetyminute slot, largely because of the amount oflaughter from our audience which we hadn't built into our timekeeping.
How do you end history when you are travellingbackwards? We were aware that seven exleadership couples and five ex leadership priestswould be at the Convention, so we arranged a flashmob finale of them coming forward, singing. Theyreceived a well deserved standing ovation whichtouched them deeply.
With thanks to John and Brenda, Paul and Bianca,Martin and Agnes, Tony and Janet, Paul and Hilary,Bill and Joy, our leadership flash mob and manyothers who contributed.
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World Council Pilgrimage to Fatima
The World Council is meeting in Madrid in May 2018, following this with a pilgrimage toFatima, joining the National Portuguese Pilgrimage of 25th – 27th May 2018.
The Pilgrimage is open to any ME members who wish to join.
Those interested must make it known to Tó and Luísa Carvalho([email protected]) before the 27th Dec 2017. They will confirm a booking at theDomus Carmeli Residence on a first come first served basis. Once the reserved rooms aretaken then couples are welcome to join the pilgrimage but they will need to make theirown accommodation booking. (Places at the Domus Carmeli are very limited.)
Costs at the Domus Carmeli:
Single Room full pension (accommodation and all three main meals (breakfast, lunch anddinner) 40 Euro (20 per day in cash)Double Room full pension 140 Euro (70 Euro per day in cash)Participants will need to make their own transport arrangements.Proposed Programme: 25th May – arrival and accommodation at Domus Carmelli Residence26th May – Guided Visit to the Sanctuary, Eucharist at Domus Carmelli, Conference aboutthe Apparitions, Rosary and Candle Procession at the Sanctuary27th May – Rosary and Mass in the Sanctuary.It is hoped that the programme will be enriched by visits to the symbolic places of Fatima.
HAVE A LOOK!THANK YOU to Harry and Muff Wilde for this link to a talk by Pope Francis.Hearing his voice and manner as he speaks (albeit with subtitles) makes thisa much more engaging process than simply reading it.
https://www.ted.com/talks/pope_francis_why_the_only_future_worth_building_includes_everyone/up-next?language=en
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Healing Prayer
Taken from an article by Des and Sue Milne
Irish MEWe found this prayer some time ago and find it meaningful, and we pray it together in ourmorning prayers:
• Merciful Jesus grant that we may have a true and understanding love for each other.
• Grant that we may be filled with faith and trust in you and in each other.
• Give us the grace to live together in peace and harmony.
• May we always be patient with each other’s weaknesses and grow together from eachother’s strengths.
• Help us to forgive one another’s failings, grant us patience, kindness and cheerfulness.
• Grant us the spirit of placing each other’s wellbeing ahead of our own.
• May the love which brought us together grow and mature with each passing year.
• Bring us ever closer to you through our love for each other.
• Let our love grow ever closer to perfection through your Divine Mercy. Amen.
For the full article see the Irish Encounter e-Spirit.
https://1drv.ms/b/s!AjCMyxt3cgJ4gQ0sG1W5eAtnzXQ9
The Irish website can be found at: www.marriageencounter.ie/
Thanks to Des and Sue for giving us permission to use this.
How am I in relation to us with each of these points?
How does my answer leave me feeling?
The World Meeting of Families
is taking place in Dublin from 21st to 26th August 2018.
It is hoped to have a Marriage Encounter presence there - further detailswill be forthcoming after liaison with Irish Encounter and the otherorganisations supporting marriage, including Marriage Care.
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Fancy Going a Bit “Deeper”
The Deeper Weekend is open to anyone who has undergone an
ME weekend and would like to explore deeper into the
experience.
The next Deeper Weekend will be
13th - 15th April at the Ibis Hotel, Rugby.
Queries and bookings to Charles and Krysia Golabek
Goodbye, God Bless and Thank YouAll of you who have accessed the website for information, booked on aweekend through the website or read the online Spirit will haveexperienced the results of Simon Kartar’s work. He has been the websitemanager for a number of years, and we are sad to see him go. We wishhim all the best in his new ventures and hope to keep in touch with hisnews through his parents-in-law, our dear Bill and Joy Reilly. A big ThankYou to him on behalf of WWME in England and Wales.
We are delighted to welcome JimPatrick Munupe to this vital role.
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Right now, as we write about Karen’sdeath, it still feels surreal, not possible, out of balance somehow. We’re fullof sadness, a weight deep inside the body, a physical sensation. We’re veryconscious of the children Sally, Lucy, Joe and Molly, suddenly without theirmum and the two small grandchildren, Izzy and Leah, and we’re heart-brokenfor our son Simon, doggedly learning to live a new kind of existence withoutKaren, the love, colour and flavour of his life for more than 27 years.About thirty years ago, Si came home from college and started searching for employment andKaren made the first of her life-long commitments to love and support him by giving up job, homeand family in the North East and moving to Leamington Spa to be near him and continue to buildthe strong relationship they had begun. We met this tall, very slim, rather shy, pretty young woman,or rather (shock, horror) older woman, by all of 5 years! Even then she was elegant andcolour-coordinated however messy the job they were doing! They got engaged after a while andwere very open to experiencing an Engaged Encounter Weekend. It didn’t go well. They didn’tknow how to tell us it hadn’t gone well: perhaps unmitigated disaster was rather strong, butnegative just didn’t cover it. We listened. And watched. They were sharing, dialoguing, talkingfor England, working through issues, other-focussed, and so on. We were so sorry that theirweekend didn’t go so well!!
The wedding followed, by which time Karen had made another life-longcommitment that brought her further into union with Si, by being received intothe Church, and like all her commitments, she did it with deep conviction andshe worked at it. Her vows to Si at the altar were the living structure of her lifewith him and with the family, as the children were born. Physically, there weretimes when she looked frail but there was no ambivalence where she thoughther duty lay and she had reserves of steel when the going got rough, as it didfrom time to time. We know, from experiencing them over the years, that theywere blessed with an extraordinarily loving relationship. They adored eachother. The Marriage Encounter Weekend which they did a few years after gettingmarried, cemented and enhanced the joy in their relationship and when theywere encouraged to become team, Karen (much to our amazement) overcameher fears and nerves and stepped out in faith with Si, saying Yes to the Lord.
This was only one of the ways in which she shared the goodness in her life with others. She wasvery on the ball where awareness of someone else’s suffering or anxiety was concerned, and hernatural response was to want to do something to help or to offer comfort.
She was a fantastic, if indulgent, mum, and she and thechildren had loads of fun packed into odd half days, orhalf hours, when an opportunity presented itself. Shewas a big present-giver, she loved to spot somethingwhich someone needed or wanted, wrap it beautifullyand give it to them. She was perhaps, most generouswith her time and her energy. Sometimes when she hadneither to spare. She was an amazing and generousdaughter-in-law as well, caring for us and treating usfrom earliest times as her Mum and Dad.
She was many things - not least, addicted to the two C’s: Coffee and Cath Kidston!When it became clear that she wasn’t going to recover from the cancer which wasdiagnosed in October, it gave us an opportunity to stay with the family to support insome way.
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Both Karen and Si, in talking through their situation hadmade the decision to be open to all those close to them inthe journey. This gave us the immense privilege ofknowing Karen as she became weaker, more in pain andclearly approaching death.
All the qualities of her living were visible in her dying: inher pain she never failed to thank whoever attended to her,
remembered their concerns and didn’t forget to ask aboutthem. Apologised to all for taking up so much of their time.
She was gracious and sincere in all her concerns. The greatest gift of all in that time was toexperience her faith: she was certainly a woman on a journey to her Saviour. No one present inher Hospice room could fail to be touched by the evidence – in music and prayer and way of beingof a Christian family facing approaching death with grace, acceptance and peace. And at times,laughter. And at times, tears.We are deeply saddened for ourselves by Karen’s loss, and devastated for Si and the children –please think of them all by name, now and again, and hold them in your prayers.
Jan and John
Golden Wedding03/01/2018 Michael & Elizabeth Cosgrave15/02/2018 John & Tina Nichols24/02/2018 Ian & Tessa MacCallum23/03/2018 David & Anne Brant30/03/2018 Charles & Madelaine Hutchin30/03/2018 Deryck & Mary Whitehouse
Ruby Wedding11/01/2018 Tim & Pat Stapenhurst
08/04/2018 David & Jenny Holden
Silver Wedding16/04/2018 Phil & Maryanne Fenwick
Congratulations and very best
wishes to everyone with a special
anniversary at this time
Golden Jubilee12.4.2018 Rev Tony Joyce
Diamond Wedding07/04/2018 David & Patricia Livesey
Significant Anniversaries
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2018 DatesMarriage Encounter
02/04 March 2018 Swindon (R)28/29 April 2018 Purley (NR)18/20 May 2018 Park Place (R)16/17 June 2018 Sheffield Hallam (NR)08/09 Sept 2018 Cardiff (NR)26/28 Oct 2018 St Claret’s (R)23/25 Nov 2018 Ibis Rugby ®
Engaged Encounter
10/11 March 2018 St Aloysius (NR)17/18 March 2018 Sheffield Hallam (NR)06/08 April 2018 Park Place (R)28/29 April 2018 St Joseph Hendon (NR)12/13 May 2018 St James Bristol (NR)08/10 June 2018 Maryvale (R)15/16 Sept 2018 St Joseph Hendon (NR)20/21 Oct 2018 Leamington Spa (NR)10/11 Nov 2018 Sheffield Hallam (NR)
Other Dates
02/04 Feb 2018 Team Weekend (DeVere)22/25 Feb 2018 EC (Belgium)17/18 March 2018 National Board24 March 2018 Community Day (Hemel)12 May 2018 Community NB18 0 20 May World Council, Madrid25 – 27 May 2018 World Pilgrimage to Fatima13 - 15 April Deeper Weekend14-17 June 2018 EC (Italy)21- 22 July 2018 National Board21 - 26 Aug 2018 World Meeting of Families22 Sept 2018 Community Day (Rubery)06 Oct 2018 Communications NB03/04 Nov 2018 Formation W/E (tba)01/02 Dec 2018 National Board
Deadline for next Spirit 31st March 2018
*NB If a weekend is ‘FULL’ further
places can always be requested!
R = Residential
NR = Non Residential
