Issue 249 | March 23 2012

Hoy StorySir Chris talks exclusively to Sport

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ISSUE 249, MARCH 23 2012

Radar

07 The Cannibal New book charts the amazing career of Eddie Merckx

08 Arsene behind the scenes Wenger gives us a personal tour of the Emirates

10 The Old Firm A new documentary gets inside the biggest rivalry in football

12 Sustainable shades Now that spring is here, a collection of ethical sunnies

o this coming weekFeatures

18 Sir Chris Hoy The Scottish cycling knight sits down with Sport and talks about, well, all sorts of things

29 Sir Bob Willis talks cricket Okay, he’s not a Sir. But he should be, if you ask us

32 Sir Nani Joke running thin. But Nani – and his agent – speak very well

36 Champions League Chelsea fly a lone English flag in the quarter finals

38 Hong Kong Sevens England coach Ben Ryan on the joy of sevens rugby

Extra Time

50 Kit Cricket bats – how are those indoor nets going this year?

52 Heather Mitts She is a better footballer than you, we fear. No, we know

58 Entertainment Including bacon and Jo Nesbo – both things we like, a lot

60 Gadgets Earphones – lots of them. You need earphones, though

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| March 23 2012 | 05

ith Mark Cavendish and Bradley

Wiggins piquing British interest in

cycling, now’s the perfect time for

a meticulous and absorbing new biography on

the ‘Pele of cycling’. No, not Lance Armstrong,

but a legendary rider with over 300 more race

wins than the Texan – Eddy Merckx. The Belgian

was nicknamed ‘The Cannibal’ not because he

snacked on his rivals as he overtook them, but

because of his insatiable appetite for victory.

Ace cycling writer William Fotheringham’s

book begins with a rather sweet story about

the teen cannibal winning a local amateur race

against the odds, despite being undersized and

in the wrong gear. It goes on to chart Merckx’s

ascent to being the most dominant cyclist

in the sport: a versatile winner fuelled by

obsessive passion and powerful sideburns.

It also covers horrific injuries and Tour

deaths, all the while trying to get under the

skin of what made this man so remorselessly

driven. With a balance that

means it will engross know-

nothings and aficionados

alike, this superbly written

book has put in a Merckx-like

surge to being among the

year’s best sporting titles.

Merckx: Half Man, Half Bike

£16.99 (Yellow Jersey Press)

Radarp10 – Tiger’s back, at least in game form

W

Fast Eddy

p08 – Arsene Wenger takes us round the Emirates

Fine young cannibal: Merckx

won five Tour de France titles

| March 23 2012 | 07

hat a greedy pig Cristiano Ronaldo is.

Not content with scoring a mighty 50

goals for club and country so far this

season, he’s already got his eyes on 2012-13,

and the footwear he’s helped to develop that

will take him to dizzying new tallies. That boot

is the Nike Mercurial Vapor VIII – and it’s been

redeveloped in several crucial areas.

A sleeker, closer feel is achieved by a

special toe-box reinforcer, while sharper

blades cut through the turf for instant

changes in direction. Crucial for CR7 when

he’s jinking past defenders, and key for you

when you need traction on rock-hard winter

pitches. It’s also stronger and lighter than

ever at 185g – and comes in a striking bright

mango (the boot, not Cristiano). Perfection.

To explore the Nike Mercurial Vapor VIII, download

the Pro-Direct Soccer Zone app via iTunes store now

Radar

08 | March 23 2012 |

he changing room is not a space I

do team talks in. I do them there at

half time, but normally I do team

talks in the hotel. In the dressing room you

always have the kitman walking in and out or

people wanting some information, so we get

close together in the hotel room where we

prepare the game – tactically and on the

motivational side. In the dressing room, I

consider it’s like going to a mass – once you

go in there, sometimes, the manager has to

leave the players alone because we all have

our own way to prepare for a game.”

RITUAL SUCCESS

“Some players are very loud, some need to

be very secretive, some retire completely

to their music. They each escape a little bit

because they have their habits. A player

repeats all the little things that he has

done the last time he has been successful,

and that is different from everybody else.

I always feel it’s important not to disturb the

player during that ritual. I have a lot of trust

in the players. They want to do well, the

players will push to do well. Those that do

not have that, they never get to this level.

“When I am in the tunnel I get butterflies.

Yes, of course, there’s a moment when you

prepare for the battle and that happens.

When you walk in the tunnel, that’s where

we all have to be up for it. This is the

moment of realisation that, now, my

friend, it really starts. Now you have to

show how strong you are. I would say that

this is the physical moment you get before

the battle starts.”

CHANGING TIMES

“It’s amazing how things have changed

nowadays – the most being after the game.

You don’t have the same contact with the

players any more. Media reasons, the man

of the match – you cannot even celebrate

together any more when you have a good

result, because you miss two players who

are out somewhere for an interview. Then

also what has changed is that the players

go to their cell phones to see the messages

they have got from their families if they

have done well.

“That is why I created the shower and the

bath in the dressing room. The bath for it to

be comfortable because that is a moment

where you can enjoy, you can relax and you

can exchange with the other players. Many

times you see players staying a long time in

the bath after a game and having a chat, in

the shower or having a massage. That’s

why you see these massive rooms we have;

I wanted them to feel comfortable and have

the desire to rest completely after the

games, because you realise only later when

you have stopped playing that they are

privileged moments.”

Arsene Wenger was launching the club’s

new audio tour, in which he and other

Arsenal luminaries talk you round the

Emirates. www.arsenal.com/tours

T

W

Mercurial talent

Behind closed doors What’s it really like inside the changing

rooms of one of English football’s biggest teams? Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger welcomes us in and tells all

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Discover more at www.clarks.co.uk/sailing

Developed, tested and worn by

Iain Percy and Andrew Simpson

Olympic, World and European Champions

Radar

10 | March 23 2012 |

Love to loathe you A

he king of

golf games

returns next

Friday, with several

new developments

– the main one they’re

pushing being the Xbox Kinect capabilities that

allow you to take all of your shots controller-

free. However, it’s two other features that are

getting our plaid golf pants in a twist. Namely:

Experience Tiger’s legacy

Match the great player’s achievements (the

golfing ones) by recreating his best moments.

You start as a teeny Tiger cub doing chip

shots into a paddling pool in the back yard,

moving on to the challenge of creating your

very own ‘Tiger Slam’, plus much more besides.

Total swing control

Swing tempo, stance, selecting where to strike

the ball: the shot control is now firmly in your

hands. So, off the tee, you can try a Bubba

Watson blast, an Ernie Els-style sweep or your

own monstrous combination of the above.

You now choose exactly how the big dog eats.

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 13, March 30 (PS3/Xbox)

TBig swinger

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Big

new documentary, Rivals: Rangers

& Celtic, takes a fresh look at

Glasgow’s age-old football divide

in the light of the recent bill criminalising

sectarian abuse at matches. This involves

a trip for one plucky reporter to the city to

interview former football hooligans, fanzine

writers and other fans whose definition of

the term ‘banter’ seems to stretch to some

fairly abhorrent behaviour.

You could point out that if you talk to

extremists, you will get extreme views – but

there’s also a humour and passion to many of

the subjects here, as they talk of how these

famous old clubs provide a bond to their own

culture and past. The doc’s strongest suit is

in questioning whether the law-makers have

a right to put their foot down on something

that’s been part of working-class Glaswegian

life for many generations. Are they dictating

how people live their lives, or is the bill

protecting a ‘silent majority’ from abuse?

Thought-provoking without trying to

supply all the answers, the only thing you can

guarantee is that any Rangers or Celtic fan

who watches this documentary will probably

claim it’s biased against their club.

Rivals: Rangers & Celtic premieres in full

on vice.com from today

nder normal circumstances, a

skateboard right in your face

sounds like a woeful proposition.

However, eco-conscious Australian brand

Holloway change all that with their range of

chic sunglasses made from – you guessed it

– recycled skateboard decks.

The SK8 line covers a range of classic guy

and gal designs under names such as Narc,

Owls and Vampire Baroness. As well as each

pair being unique, they do a fine job of

protecting your peepers from the sun’s

bright rays with their Younger’s NuPolar

lenses renowned as being among the finest

in the world. Get a pair now and look gnarly

(do skaters still say that?) all summer.

12 | March 23 2012 |

U

Sustainable shades

From £110, hollowayeyewear.com.auCo

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id you struggle for tickets to the Six

Nations? Well, we’ve got a solution

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rugby, then nag him for tickets when he

makes it big. And Super Skills Travel can help.

That’s because the company, founded by

rugby legends Will Greenwood and Austin

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the road to freebi… er, the road to success.

Visit superskillstravel.com

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Radar

Scrum on down

Relax on holiday: while

Austin Healey takes

your offspring down

14 | March 23 2012 |

Radar Editor’s letter

Editor-in-chief

Simon Caney

@simoncaney

Sport magazine

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Senior writers: Sarah Shephard (7958),

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£1 where sold

Hearty thanks this week to:

Nuala O’Neill, Nicky Higgs and Kayak

Attack for the MASSIVE cake. Ta

Don’t forget: Help keep public transport clean and tidy for everyone by taking your copy of Sport away with you when you leave the bus or train.

LAUNCH OFTHE YEAR

2008

Total Average Distribution: 304,700 Jul-Dec 2011

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facebook.com/sportmaguk

H as any managerial sacking

in history been quite so

disastrous as that of Mick

McCarthy? And has any

managerial sacking in history

galvanised a team quite like that of Andre

Villas-Boas?

Let’s look at Wolves first. I have some

sympathy with the club – some fans I know

were saying that McCarthy’s time was up.

When he was sacked, the team was at the

top of a bottom five, cut adrift from the

rest of the Premier League.

But just getting rid of the boss does not

in itself make any difference. The same

regime is in charge, just without the man

who was at the helm. Poor Terry Connor is

clearly a good football man, but he seems

out of his depth and clearly not right for

the job. Roger Johnson’s training ground

misdemeanour sums up what can go

wrong if players don’t respect what’s

happening around them. Suddenly Wolves,

who had a decent fighting chance of

staying up, appear doomed.

Over at Chelsea, there has been a

remarkable transformation. Can this all be

down to the man-management genius of

Roberto Di Matteo? As popular as he is,

that would seem unlikely. Yet suddenly,

players who seemed leaden-footed (and

indeed seriously injured) just a few weeks

ago are now bouncing around the pitch

like spring lambs. They’ve even managed

to get Fernando Torres on the

scoresheet, which says it all.

Nobody thinks Villas-Boas is a bad

manager, but what’s clear is that he had

lost the dressing room – and Chelsea is

one place where you simply cannot do that

and survive. Is that correct, though?

Chelsea fans may be delighted at their

team’s resurgence. But they also have

the right to feel a little cheated.

By all accounts, the RFU will appoint

England’s full-time coach next week.

I said on this page a few weeks ago that

Stuart Lancaster should get the job full

time – and since then, I have become

even more convinced. Nick Mallett, his

rival for the position, is wonderfully

qualified, but Lancaster has displayed

perfectly why he is the man for the job.

I’d also counsel (not that they’re

listening to me) against appointing the

two men jointly – that way a lot of

heartache and confusion lies.

Finally, apologies to any new users of the

Sport iPad app, or if you have just updated it

– there have been some download problems

this week, for which we apologise. We’re

working hard to get things fixed and

hopefully you’ll be able to find us – alive

and well and working properly – on the

Apple Newsstand shortly.

A tale of two sackingsMcCarthy and Villas-Boas highlight what can happen when the boss gets the push

Agree or disagree? Tweet us @sportmaguk

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Fired: Villas-Boas’ sacking

has ignited Chelsea, while

Wolves seem all burned out

Reader comments of the week

@simoncaney athletes

shouldn’t be restricted to

their country of birth but

once they’ve competed

for one nation, no

swapping! #plasticbrits

@Sykesy_Katie

Twitter

When people don’t want to

compete for Britain, the Mail

accuses them of a lack of

patriotism – and when people

do want to, it still angers

them. But you covered the

arguments perfectly

without taking sides.

Mick, via email

Plastic Brits: WG Grace

took an England side to

Australia, with a Scottish

batsman called Gregor

McGregor and an Indian

player with such a long

name I’m frightened just

to try to spell it.

Howard, via email

Great piece in

@sportmaguk today on

A Plastic Argument with

@simoncaney. Totally

agree with you Sir. The

argument is pointless &

uneducated

@MsBennyBonsu

Twitter

If someone’s not born

here and is of another

nationality, they shouldn’t

compete for Britain. It’s

pretty simple.

Alan, via email

16 | March 23 2012 |

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So far it’s cost Great Britain around £11bn to

prepare for this summer’s Olympic Games – and,

while there’s been a little angst about just how much

Stratford really needed a velodrome, the taxpayer

can rest easy knowing that barely a single penny

has been spent on the Olympic apartments. Two

beds, two bedside cabinets, two small lamps and

half a curtain, with views out on to a grim swamp –

this sleeps at least 12 and would be dismissed as

inhumane by any right-thinking jailbird. Clearly Lord

Coe plans to bore his athletes to sleep early every

night, or someone ballsed up on the budget.

Lights out

Radar Frozen in time

| 17

18 | March 23 2012 |

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THE CYCLING KNIGHTIn an exclusive interview

with Sport, the nation’s

most decorated track

cyclist looks back on his

first taste of the Olympic

Velodrome, looks ahead

to a massive six months

of competition, and

reflects on life as a high-

profile member of the

sporting nobility >

| 19

A chilly but bright Monday

afternoon in late February, and

Sir Chris Hoy is sitting down.

He looks comfortable enough,

chatting away with the small

group of people around him

and sipping from a nearby glass of water, but

something doesn’t feel quite right. And then

it hits home: Sir Chris Hoy is sitting down.

It’s a pose few of us associate with our

sporting elite – not least a man who has

spent a decade and more powering round

the velodromes of the world on two wheels.

In our minds, Hoy gets off his bike for only

one reason: not to eat or to sleep, but to

stand atop a podium for a few minutes, while

some dignitary or other delivers his latest

gold medal. Sitting down simply isn’t part

of the schedule.

But then the great Scot describes a

typical day of competition at the apogee

of world cycling, and we’re forced to

reconsider. “You each have your own little

territory,” he says. “It’s funny, because you

arrive into the pen and each team has its

own zone. It’s like being in a British embassy

in a foreign land, I guess. This is your spot;

no matter where you are in the world, that

pen is your pen, and within that you have

your seat. And that is your spot for the

whole weekend; it’s where you’ll put your

shoes on, put your helmet on, sit down and

lock yourself into your own little world. You

put your headphones on and start visualising

how you want each race to unfold.”

Sport is speaking to Hoy in the wake of a

successful World Cup weekend at London’s

Olympic Velodrome, during which he took

gold in the keirin and, crucially, the individual

sprint. The routine of competition is still

forensically fresh in his mind... or is it that,

after so long at the top, he just can’t forget?

“There is so much going on around you:

the big screen, entertainment in the arena,

a board with all the race times and, of

course, the racing itself,” he continues.

“There are two things you always worry

about and need to focus on, though – one

is your next race, and the other is the timing

of your days. You spend the whole weekend

breaking it down into little 15 or 20-minute

chunks. You take one chunk after the other,

have some food here, go to the loo there…

it really does become quite draining.”

You would expect such a process to

become easier with experience, but Hoy –

who won his first major medal at the 1999

World Championships in Berlin, and turns 36

today – corrects us on that score as well.

“No, it’s really tough, particularly when

you’re doing three days in a row,” he admits

with disarming honesty. “You get to the end

of the second day, and you’ve gone through

dope control, had press conferences, got

home quite late. You try to switch off and get

to sleep, but you might be awake to 1am,

2am, even three in the morning, and then

you’re up again at 7am and you’ve got start

it all over again. Come day three, there are

guys there who maybe haven’t raced yet and

are fresh. These guys are peaking for one

event… this is their big moment, and you’ve

already had two long days in the velodrome.

It can be very tough.”

HOME COMFORTSHoy pauses for another sip of water,

perhaps stealing a moment in which to

reflect on just why he committed himself

to four more years of such intense training

and competition after leaving Beijing as a

32-year-old with four Olympic gold medals

to his name. A moment is seemingly all

he needs, however – for as much as the

itinerary of international cycling grinds him

down, the prospect of riding at his home

Games builds him right back up again.

“The atmosphere in the Olympic Velodrome

is phenomenal,” says the Scot, who acted

as the cyclists’ representative on the panel

that selected Hopkins Architects to design it.

“When you see the artists’ impressions of

what they were suggesting, you try and read

between the lines a bit, to picture what it

might really look like – but when we saw the

completed project it was virtually the same.

It looks stunning. The interior, the track, the

natural light… everything about it, everything

we asked for, is in there.

“And to ride in? You just hear this volume

– this roar – more than any other race I’ve

ever been to. Six thousand is a huge capacity

for a velodrome; until now, I think Manchester

has been the biggest experience I’ve had in

terms of a crowd really getting into it, but

this is almost twice the capacity. The crowd

and the noise in London were at the same

intensity as Manchester, which amounts to

almost twice the volume – and it was with

us all the way. It was incredible.”

A stellar line-up of British cyclists gave, in

the main, a succession of displays worthy of

the support they received at last month’s

World Cup meeting. Victoria Pendleton and

“I FEEL AS THOUGH I’M IN THE BEST SHAPE I’VE BEEN IN SINCE BEIJING”

Jess Varnish set a new world best in the

women’s team sprint, but it was inevitably

Hoy who made the biggest headlines. After an

encouraging bronze alongside Jason Kenny

and Ross Edgar in the team sprint, he

produced a near-miracle to steal keirin gold

before giving something of a masterclass in

the individual sprint. Gold in the latter was

particularly satisfying.

“You can never think about any one event

more than the others in your preparations,

but looking back at the three events I think

the sprint was the most pleasing,” he reflects

on a weekend that doubled up as the official

Olympic Test Event for track cycling. “I’ve

been struggling with the tactics a little bit,

and while I’ve won keirin races since Beijing,

I’d only won one or two World Cup races in

the sprint. It’s nice to start rediscovering

some form in it, and I actually feel like it’s the

best shape I’ve been in since Beijing. It’s great

to time it right in terms of it being an Olympic

year, but it was even more important that I

– and the whole team – performed on the

Olympic track. That’s really, really pleasing.” >

Number of medals Sir

Chris Hoy has taken

home from the Track

Cycling World

Championships, more

than half of which (12)

have come in the team

sprint. The total

includes 10 gold, eight

silver and five bronze

20 | March 23 2012 |

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Sir Chris Hoy

Believe in Britain

Sir Chris Hoy

From start to finish

From track to road

From grassroots to the podium

We’re behind cycling all the way

Read more at skysports.com/believeinbritain

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE…Hoy is inevitably seen as the father figure

of an elite cycling squad that has been

meticulously developed by performance

director Dave Brailsford and head coach

Shane Sutton over years rather than months.

As such, his dedication to the idea of the

team, while both sincere and admirable,

is to be expected.

He remains a lone wolf at heart, however

– and his overt satisfaction at that recent

sprint gold is rooted in the knowledge that,

should he let his standards slip, he may not

get to defend his Olympic title in London.

Changes to the rules in the aftermath of

Team GB’s dominant displays in Beijing

stipulate that each nation can enter only

one competitor in any of the individual

track-cycling events for 2012; and the

aforementioned Kenny is not just Hoy’s

regular roommate – he’s also the defending

world sprint champion.

“They tend to put us in together, because

if you’re riding all the same events then

you’re probably getting up at the same time

every morning,” smiles Hoy. “But neither of

us waste any energy worrying about what

the other one is doing. We’re teammates and

we’re good friends, but once you draw each

other in a race and you go head to head, then

it all changes. As soon as you step on to that

track, you’re battling each other virtually to

the death.

“Apart from that, though, we’re good

friends. Jason’s only 23, 24... but he’s very

mature and has an old head on young

shoulders. He’s a good lad and we get on

well; and if one of us has had a bad race,

the other one knows exactly how it feels. So

I know he’ll have been disappointed with his

sprint yesterday [Kenny lost to Germany’s

Max Levy in the quarter finals of the test

event]. It wasn’t a bad ride, and no one

was missing; everybody who is anybody

in sprinting was there at that event, so to

come in fifth out of 60 or 70 starters was

still a fantastic result. But it’s not what

he wanted.”

Nor was a silver medal what the then

20-year-old Kenny wanted in Beijing, when

on reaching the Olympic sprint final he

found Hoy – exactly 12 years his senior,

the pair share the same birthday – in

unforgiving mood. But the chance to

compete for such a medal is better than

the exclusion one of them will face in

London this summer – something about

which Hoy feels strongly.

“It’s such a shame, because the one-rider-

per-nation rule means there are going to be

genuinely world-class riders missing out on

the chance to compete at the Olympic

Games,” he argues. “You wouldn’t want to

see the men’s 100m final with only one

Jamaican guy or one American in it. You want

to see the fastest eight men in the world,

and if they’re all from the same country then

so be it. It’s the same with distance running,

where you have the Kenyans and Ethiopians.

You want to see the best of the best, and

I think it should be the same in cycling.”

WORLDS AWAYWhether or not the rules change again

beyond London 2012 is irrelevant to Hoy, for

whom this year’s Games represents an

Olympic swansong. His sole focus is on

ensuring he takes his place in both the keirin

and the individual sprint this summer, but

knows Kenny won’t give up without a fight –

and the upcoming World Championships,

which begin on April 4 in Melbourne, give the

younger man an ideal stage on which to

re-audition for that sprint role.

“We originally thought the worlds would be

the main selecting event, but I think they’re

going to have to look at the whole season,” says

Hoy, well aware of how persuasive his recent

win in the Olympic Velodrome may prove.

“In some ways, it’s nice for the selectors,

because they know no matter who they pick

they’re going to be well represented; but it

will be very difficult to leave out either one of

us, or even Matt Crampton. We’ve always

known it would be like this though; as soon as

they announced the ruling we accepted it,

and other countries have it just as bad. The

French, the Germans, the Aussies… it’s

tough for everybody.”

He may not be saying that when Eric the

Eel rocks up on his pushbike for round one,

stabilisers at the ready, but there’s no

doubting the potential importance of next

month’s trip to Melbourne. “A great city,

with great coffee,” says Hoy, but what of

the cycling – what would he consider a

successful championships?

“I think objective progression in terms

of data,” comes the initially underwhelming

response. “We have very, very sophisticated

instruments to measure power input,

torque, speed, cadence… all these things. >

“ON THE TRACK, YOU’RE BATTLING EACH OTHER VIRTUALLY TO THE DEATH”

22 | March 23 2012 |

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win

partyLondon 2012

with

tickets &

look outfor our

hairy bottlesin store now

entrants 12+ and residents of GB, IoM or CI. promotion ends 25/05/12. draw on 26/05/12. see www.gvwurl.com/jessiejgb for full terms and conditions.promoter: Coca-Cola Great Britain, 1 Queen Caroline Street, London, W6 9HQ. ‘Glacéau vitaminwater’ and the ‘Glacéau vitaminwater’ get up are trade marks of energy brands, inc. aka Glacéau.

It sounds a bit clinical, I know, but this is

the way you can genuinely measure

performance. Yes, the most obvious way to

measure progression is in gold medals, but

that can be misleading sometimes. So I want

to see improvements in my top speed, my

time trial for the sprint, and the team sprint

is very quantifiable as well.

“Then in the keirin and the sprint, I want

to see an improvement in tactics, fewer

mistakes… ideally no mistakes. If I can do all

that, then I’m going to be very close to

winning medals, and perhaps even gold.”

Clinical indeed, but Hoy’s single-minded,

scientific approach to his own levels of

performance betrays a common theme

running through the psychology of elite

athletes across a number of individual

sports: focus less on beating others, and

more on beating yourself.

“Well that’s all you can worry about,” says

Hoy. “As soon as you think about other people

or medals, then you lose an element of

control. You can’t control beating a rival; you

can win a race below your best form one day,

and the next get beaten in the form of your

life. But you can’t be upset about that; you

just have to shake the other guy’s hand and

say the better man won. You can’t win them

all – that’s life. But what you can do is make

sure you go into a race in the best shape of

your life.”

QUEALLY GOODSuch is the mentality coursing through the

veins of every medal-winner to come out of

the British cycling scene in recent years, on

the track and off. The sport has come a long

way since the days of Chris Boardman and

Graeme Obree, lone rangers who as good as

designed and made their own machines… but

has the boom occurred by chance, or can the

progression be traced back to one definitive

turning point? Hoy is unequivocal.

“Sydney 2000, when Jason Queally won his

gold medal [in the now defunct 1km time trial],”

he says. “Up until that point, it had always

been guys like Chris or Graeme, individuals

with amazing talent who had done it with

their own people. It wasn’t a federation thing,

whereas Jason had come on board in about

1995, pretty much straight from uni. He

timed it right in the same way as I did with

the lottery funding, but we watched him

come in with a lot of talent, put in a lot of

hard work and then do it [at the Olympics].

“It’s the same in any walk of life – you

raise the bar and the rest follow. And that’s

what Jason did in 2000. He made us believe

that if he could do it, then we could do it too.

He inspired me, and I’m sure he inspired a lot

of other guys too.”

Queally’s success was the first visible tip

of a British cycling iceberg that has since

taken down any number of supposedly

invincible vessels from overseas. Hoy and

Pendleton remain the chief destroyers on

the track, Bradley Wiggins and Mark

Cavendish off it, but the Scot reserves

special mention for those behind the scenes

– and one man in particular.

“I would say [head coach] Shane Sutton

is probably the single most important person

in the whole building – more than any rider,

member of staff, anybody,” he insists.

“He’s this force of nature, really, like a cross

between Mick Dundee and the coach in

Rocky, you know? He’s larger than life, has

so much energy, and every single person on

the team, whether mountain-biker, BMXer,

road racer or track cyclist… well, no matter

what you do, he’ll be right there, aware of

your programme and everything you’re

doing. I don’t know how he does it.

“When he’s on your case, though, he’s the

worst person… you can be coming to blows,

virtually, but at the end of it you’ll often step

back and say he was right, that he was only >

24 | March 23 2012 |

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Sir Chris Hoy

Seconds taken by Hoy

to ride 500m from a

flying start in La Paz,

Bolivia, in May 2007.

In doing so, he broke

the previous record,

held by Frenchman

Arnaud Duble, by more

than a second

“ANY ATHLETE WHO SAYS THEY ARE 100 PER CENT CONFIDENT IS LYING”

getting at me because he was trying to help

me improve. Everything he does is to try and

help you, but he doesn’t pull any punches.

He’s very, very clear and never sugarcoats

anything. You always know where you stand

with Shane, but he’ll fight to the death for you.

A strong character, and a fantastic coach.”

HIGHS AND LOWSHoy is a generous, engaging character who

pays careful attention to ensuring everyone

behind his immense personal success (not to

mention immense personal frame) receives

due credit. That includes the highly

respected team psychologist Steve Peters,

although Hoy denies experiencing the ‘dark

forces’ that Pendleton in particular admits to

having been plagued by in recent times.

“I think any athlete who tells you they’re

always 100 per cent confident in their

performances is lying,” he concedes.

“Athletes are probably among the most

insecure people around, much as they may

sometimes appear superhuman. Everybody

has ups and downs, but I think it’s more

about how the individual perceives pressure.

“When you’re going well, and you have

confidence and momentum, you can almost

do no wrong; it’s when things aren’t going

quite so well, when perhaps you start

questioning your ability – that’s when it’s

difficult. But that’s life, and with experience

you learn not to get carried away with the

highs, in the same way you can’t worry too

much about the lows. No matter how good

you were yesterday, there will always be

someone chasing you tomorrow… you can’t

get caught up in your own press.”

Which brings us on to Hoy’s fellow

Olympian Tom Daley, who recently came

under fire from his own performance

director Alexei Evangulov for doing too much

media work. How impressed the latter would

have been at Daley’s recent announcement

as the face of adidas Body Care is up for

debate, but the marketable young diver is far

from alone. After Beijing, Hoy himself enjoyed

a high-profile campaign as the face of Bran

Flakes, while we are speaking to him in his

latest role as an ambassador for Gillette.

The question is, can an athlete go too far?

“It’s very difficult for someone like Tom,

who shot into the public eye at the last

Olympics and then became a world

champion,” says Hoy. “He’s now one of our

highest-profile athletes, and with that you

get so many opportunities. You suddenly get

to stay in nice hotels, go on the red carpet,

meet actors and musicians, and it’s like wow,

brilliant! Sometimes maybe training can be

a little compromised, but with sponsorships

you do want to capitalise financially and make

some money when you can. You don’t know

how long it’s going to last; you could be in the

public eye for two years or 12, but there’s no

security – so it’s easy to think you should

make hay while the sun shines.

“I struggled with it a bit after Beijing, just

the amount of requests and things that I

wanted to do, but I always had the desire to

continue on to London. The important thing

for me, Tom or any athlete, is to pick and

choose the things you really want to do.

You never want to come back from doing

something and feel it was a waste of a day.”

Time will tell how Hoy looks back on his

afternoon with Sport, but we couldn’t leave

without asking the nation’s favourite biker

whether, at the age of 36, it still feels odd

being referred to as ‘Sir Chris’.

“It’s still very, very strange,” he smiles.

“It’s such a huge honour, and you are

reminded of it every day when you get mail

with ‘Sir’ written in front of your name, but I

don’t think you realise how big it is until you

go abroad. You go overseas and all the press

are like: ‘Oh, there goes the cycling knight!’

And they’re all so excited to meet you and

ask you about it. It’s great for the sport

when you turn up for a press conference and

there are hundreds of people outside a

velodrome to see you – but it is still weird

going to a foreign country and having so

many people know who you are.”

Tony Hodson @tonyhodson1

Sir Chris Hoy is a Gillette ambassador. Gillette’s

‘Great Start’ campaign celebrates great

coaches and inspires the next generation

by encouraging men to get into coaching.

Visit facebook.com/GilletteUK

Hoy is one of only three

cyclists to win the BBC

Sports Personality of

the Year award, doing

so (as you’d expect) in

2008. The other two?

Tom Simpson (1965)

and Mark Cavendish

(2011), although Beryl

Burton (look her up)

came second to Henry

Cooper in 1967

26 | March 23 2012 |

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Sir Chris Hoy

299 Days to go

England’s batsmen struggled badly against

Pakistan. How much was that down to their

own poor form, and how much down to

Pakistan’s bowlers and conditions?

“Mostly it was down to the Pakistan bowlers,

Saeed Ajmal in particular. But, as Andy Flower

admitted at the end of the Test series, the

England preparation wasn’t ideal. I think we

can tell by the seriousness with which they

took on their first warm-up match in Sri

Lanka, that they won’t be making that mistake

again. Also, I don’t think Sri Lanka have a

mystery spinner like Ajmal, so the England

batsmen will fare a lot better.”

Who will be most dangerous of the

Sri Lankan bowlers?

“Rangana Herath has been the leading

spinner of recent times, but when you lose

Chaminda Vaas, Lasith Malinga and Murali,

that’s a lot of Test wickets to try and replace.

With the best will in the world, I don’t think Sri

Lanka have been able to do that. They are

much stronger in batting than bowling.”

You’ve played in the subcontinent before,

how much of a challenge is it?

“It’s very difficult and England’s results over

the years have proved this. They’ve gone to

South Africa and won, they’ve gone to

Australia and won, but it’s over a decade

since they won a series in the subcontinent.

Also, the World Cups held there have been an

out-and-out embarrassment for England.”

What makes playing in Sri Lanka so tough?

“Fierce heat and humidity. They’re obviously

getting acclimatised to that now, but it

doesn’t matter how much acclimatisation

you do, they’re still the most demanding

conditions to play cricket in the world.”

So what’s the key to England succeeding?

“The cricket can be more attritional, so we’ll

need all of Andrew Strauss, Alastair Cook and

Jonathan Trott’s concentration to give

England a good start. It was a chastening

experience against Pakistan, so I think they

will be doubly focused to put that right.” Ga

reth

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,

Subcontinent strugglesEngland fast-bowling legend and Sky Sports analyst Bob Willis tells us

about the challenges Andrew Strauss and his team face in two Test

matches against Sri Lanka in the world’s most draining conditions

Sri Lanka v England

Which England players really are under the

spotlight to perform in these games?

“Kevin Pietersen regained some form in the

one-day matches, so I don’t think that the

spotlight will be as fierce on him as it might

have been. Ian Bell had a dreadful time, so I

suppose if there was a tumbrel setting off to

the guillotine, he’d be the next passenger. But

then it’s less than 12 months since he was

scoring huge hundreds for England, so the

selectors won’t cast him off lightly. He will

need a better performance, though. It was

just surprising that he couldn’t pick Ajmal at

all. He’ll need to do better against the more

orthodox spin bowlers in Galle and Colombo.”

How much pressure is there on Andrew

Strauss to start scoring runs?

“A little bit of pressure, but I think he’s almost

got a Mike Brearley air about him as an astute

captain. They will give him the longest possible

time of lean scores before they think about

changing. Alastair Cook is the heir apparent and

I thought it was a big mistake for Strauss to

retire from one-day cricket, as it’s only a year

ago that he was outbatting Sachin Tendulkar

in that amazing tied match in Bengalooru.

Also, there’s so much one-day and Twenty20

cricket now that he’ll go for long periods

without playing any meaningful England

matches. I think it’s a disadvantage.” >

| March 23 2012 | 29

| March 23 2012 | 31

What changes do you think we’ll see to the

England team for this series?

“I would have thought that it will be one

straight swap – Ravi Bopara in for Eoin

Morgan – and the same bowling attack of

James Anderson, Stuart Broad and the two

spinners. That’s very tough on Steven Finn,

who really is bowling at the top of his

capabilities at the moment. It won’t be long

before he’s back in the Test side, perhaps

even in front of Tim Bresnan and a fit

Chris Tremlett.”

Who’s the key Sri Lankan wicket those

England bowlers will be aiming for?

“Kumar Sangakkara [pictured] is their most

gifted player. Although, without the captaincy

responsibilities, you can expect Tillakaratne

Dilshan to get back to form. Clearly Mahela

Jayawardene and Thilan Samaraweera are

top-quality players as well.”

Yikes. Any chinks in the armour for our

bowling attack to exploit?

“They’ve always struggled for an effective

opening partner for Dilshan, so that’s

generally a weakness. However, you go down

the order and the batting is probably as

powerful as any top six in world cricket

right now.”

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Sri Lanka v England

You can see Sri Lanka posting some big

scores in these games, then?

“Well, they were completely taken apart by

England’s seamers when they were last on

tour, but the conditions couldn’t be more

different than the cold and damp conditions

at Cardiff, Lord’s and the Rose Bowl. So, yes,

I’d expect at least three of their top six to fire

in both games. England will need to respond

to that challenge.”

Is the balance of stronger batting/weaker

bowling opposition a good match-up for

England, though, seeing as England’s

bowling attack looks like their stronger suit?

“Yes, but everything combined superbly in

Australia – batting and bowling – with Cook

and Trott scoring all those runs and other

people chipping in as well. But clearly the

bowling of Anderson, Tremlett, Bresnan,

Finn and Graeme Swann in Australia was

fantastic – and Anderson, Broad, Panesar

and, to a lesser extent, Swann carried that

on in the Emirates. However, we just have to

keep our fingers crossed that the batting

can improve, because I don’t think the

bowlers have anything to prove at all. As we

saw in this first warm-up game in Sri Lanka:

to bowl a side out twice in those conditions

so quickly bodes very well indeed.”

Sri Lanka V

England

1st Test, Galle

Monday March 26

Sky Sports 1 5am

2nd Test, Colombo

Tuesday April 3

Sky Sports 1 5.30am

Overall, how do you see the two Test

matches progressing?

“England’s best chance is to win at Galle and

draw in Colombo. It’s been a while since

England have played on these grounds, so you

don’t know how they’re going to behave, but

Galle historically spins more. However, you can’t

emphasise enough the draining conditions

that England will be performing in.”

Alex Reid @otheralexreid

Bob Willis was speaking ahead of England’s

tour to Sri Lanka and an unrivalled summer of

live cricket, with domestic, international and

women’s matches live on Sky Sports HD

Divided decade

England's Test record in the subcontinent

against India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka

(combined) over the past 10 years. Gulp.

The struggle with subcontinent conditions is

shown by England’s Test record against that

trio on British soil over the same period.

Won 1

Drawn 7

Lost 9

Lost 2

Won 15

Drawn 9

‘THE SRI LANKAN

BATTING IS PROBABLY

AS POWERFUL AS ANY

TOP SIX IN WORLD

CRICKET RIGHT NOW’

32 | March 23 2012 |

Nani

On a wing and a prayerwith nine league games to go and tension in Manchester ratcheting up, Sport talks to nani about his team’s title run-in with the noisy neighbours, that statue and befriending Mike Tyson – with a little help from an unexpected source

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| 33

Here are six words we never

expected to type: thank god

for the football agent. Now this

is not an easy claim to stand

up, we admit, and we have

extensive first-hand

experience of football’s Mr Fifteen

Percenters being among the most

obnoxious cabal of characters you could

ever hope not to meet – slick shysters

leeching their livelihoods from moneyed

young men and making estate agents

and City bankers seem like walking saints.

It’s no exaggeration to say that the reason

you will rarely hear an interesting word from

a footballer is not because they have nothing

interesting to say (although that is, for a

large number of them, true), but because

as soon as they attempt to engage their

brain, the agent has a quiet word and, at

the end of the day, y’know, normality is, if

you like, resumed.

But thankfully, every so often, along comes

an agent who gives their trade a good name.

We found one just last week in Manchester,

sitting on the shoulder (not literally) of

Luis Carlos Almeida da Cunha, better known

as Nani, the Manchester United winger.

Most agents go out of their way to censor

their clients and encourage them to keep

their answers brief and disingenuous.

But not Nani’s. Not Barbara Vara.

She took the opposite approach, poking

the player until he said something worth

writing down and revealing more than

the giant narcissist (all will become clear)

might have ordinarily wanted. It started

with a handshake and an easy opener...

So, should we call you Luis or Nani?

“Nani is fine.” [“It’s Nar-ni,” says the agent,

laughing. “It’s Nar-ni, not Nanni. You always

get it wrong.”]

Who does? I do?

[The agent: “Everyone in England, you say

Nanni, but it should be Nar-ni – it should

be softer.”]

Well, apologies for that. Luis, is it fair

to say that Manchester United are now

favourites for the title race?

“I guess, erm, I think both teams are still

the favourites. We are both still going

for the title and we have to see because

there are still games to go and I still feel

that it will go right to the last day of

the season.”

But United have the lead and what looks

to be the far easier run-in. Do you look at

City’s fixtures and look at where you think

they might drop points?

“Yeah, we think about this, but sometimes

it is not where you think they might drop

them. They have some difficult games

coming, but so do we. We have to be

focused on what we have to do – we have

to think about winning those games.

We don’t want to slip up, but you never

know in this league.”

You say you think it will go to the final game,

but the whole season could well hinge on

the derby game at the Etihad on April 30.

[The agent laughs; Nani exhales loudly with a

smile on his face] “It’s very, very difficult to

go there with so much to play for, but if you

want to win the title then you have to believe

you can go anywhere and and win – and we

have to believe we can do that, otherwise you

have no chance. Do I believe we can go there

and win? Yes, because it’s on the fixture list

in black and white, so we have to believe

we can win. Otherwise, well, what would

be the point?”

Do you enjoy derby games, or is there too

much pressure for that?

“Yes, I feel I can enjoy all the games against

City because there is a good atmosphere

and for the players that gives you more

motivation. You want to play, you want to feel

it and you want to win, so yes – there is

pressure, but for me it’s nice.”

For much of your time at United you’ve been

up against Chelsea in the title race. Is it

more or less enjoyable to be up against

a team from your own city?

“I think it’s maybe a bit harder, because I

think you feel more close, and of course we

don’t want them to win the title. To lose it

would be very bad, but to lose it to the other

team from the city? No. Not good.”

Do you encounter many City fans in your

day-to-day life? And are they as noisy as

your manager claims?

“Do I see any? [“No!” laughs his agent.] No.

I barely see any of them. I hear they have

more fans in the city, but I haven’t seen

many of them.”

How would you evaluate your own form

this season?

“I think I did well since the start of the

season, playing good football, scoring goals,

assists, doing good – but it went a bit

down when I got my foot injury [against

Arsenal] and it takes time to recover and

get back to where you were. But I am getting

there. I want to finish the season as well

as I started it.”

Has Alex Ferguson demanded more goals

from you? You’re 11 in 40 this season, one

less than in 54 games last season...

“Of course, he asks to score more goals

and give more assists – we all want that

if it helps us win the title. But the most

important thing if you give a choice: win

the title or score more goals, I would say

win title.”

Because you recognise it’s a team game?

“Yes. No, no, no. Because when I go to my

house and I go inside my trophy room, I

see my... player... me...” [Struggling to find

the correct word in English, Nani starts

talking Portuguese to the agent. Laughing,

she suggests: “It is a statue, a little Nani,

you know?”] >

34 | March 23 2012 |

Ah, the statue. We thought this was

an urban myth. Is it really in the middle

of your living room?

“Yes, but it is only small.” [The agent

interrupts: “It is quite big though – not

quite lifesize, but big.”] “It is not so big.”

And it’s marble?

“Yes. It is where I put my medals, around

his neck, to have on show. So, to be able to

add another title, that would be beautiful.”

We can only imagine it would be. So what

happened in the Champions League this

season – why did United go out so early?

“I don’t know. We had many changes, some

players were not in the right rhythm and we

had many chances to win games, but we

didn’t. We let them come back. It is

something that is difficult to explain.”

Did United not take it seriously, as the Basel

midfielder Xherdan Shaqiri suggested?

“No. We always take it seriously, but they did

well – you have to give them credit. But we

missed some unbelievable chances, and you

cannot afford that in the Champions League.”

The Europa League had to be a comedown

after the glamour of the Champions League?

“No, it’s a good competition. It doesn’t matter

what the competition is – it’s an opportunity

we needed to take. I wanted another medal.”

To hang on little Nani?

“Of course.” [The agent is laughing.]

Looking further ahead, what are your

hopes for the Euros? Can Portugal win

the tournament?

“It will be difficult, but it’s not impossible.

We need to come through the first group,

which is very, very difficult. After that, who

knows? But we have opportunity because we

have a good team. If we work well, work hard

for each other, then maybe.”

What do you make of England and their

chances in the summer?

[The agent giggles, tellingly.] “I don’t know

who England play because I didn’t see the

last game they played against, who was it?

Holland? So I don’t know who is playing.”

Nobody seems to know. That’s the problem.

“Which teams are in England’s group? France,

Sweden, Ukraine? I can see France and

England qualifying. You have to think about if

the team is together, if they are playing well,

and you can only think about the group.”

According to your Twitter account, you play

the piano, like eating fruit and enjoy the

music of Usher. More newsworthy though

– you seem to be friends with Mike Tyson?

“Me? [Nani seems very puzzled, until the

agent steps in to explain that they look

after his Twitter

account for him and

often befriend other

celebrities as a

form of networking]

“I do not know Mike

Tyson personally, but

he tweeted me and

I tweeted him back.

He asked me for

a favour.”

And it’s hard to say

no when someone like

Mike Tyson asks you

for a favour?

“Well he is a big

man, yes.”

And with that, Nani and the agent both

laugh, and she stands to indicate our time is

up. So we stand also, say “thank you for your

time, Nani” (still pronounced Nanni), and

shake his hand again. And we thank the agent

too, and warmly shake her by the hand –

because, frankly, she deserves it.

Nick Harper

Nani appears in EA SPORTS FIFA Street, out

now on Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. Order at

amazon.co.uk or visit youtube.com/easports

football and facebook.com/easportsfifa for

more informationMa

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‘MY STATUE IS ONLY

SMALL – IT IS WHERE

I PUT MY MEDALS,

TO HANG AROUND

HIS NECK, TO HAVE

ON SHOW’

Benfica V Chelsea

TUESDAY 7.45PM, SKY SPORTS 2

The quarter finals of the Champions League have

become as familiar to Chelsea’s players as their

teammates’ girlfriends and FA hearings, but it looked

like they wouldn’t be making it this year after their 3-1

defeat in Naples. However, the Blues look revitalised

under Roberto Di Matteo, and a gargantuan effort over

120 minutes from their demarginalised veterans saw

them through. Now they face the Portuguese league

runners-up. Twice former European Cup winners,

Benfica are no longer continental giants, but they do

carry a significant attacking threat, as they showed

against Manchester United in the group stage.

Quick and crafty Paraguayan striker Oscar Cardozo

has scored 22 goals in 29 appearances this season

and is the main goal threat, but overall Benfica’s

approach is less explosive than the onslaught Chelsea

faced against Napoli, so they should be confident of

progression. Shutting down Cardozo and the creative

midfield of Nicolas Gaitan and Pablo Aimar will be key to

that, although given Chelsea’s European record away

from home this season (they’re yet to win), they should

be happy if they come away from the Estádio da Luz on

level terms. If they can do that, they should be capable

of dishing out the killer blow at Stamford Bridge in the

return leg – they’ve won all four home games in the

tournament, scoring 14 and conceding just one.

That they remain in the competition is a bonus for

the Blues after events in Napoli, but with confidence

returned and defensive wrinkles seemingly ironed out,

they should be capable of setting up a semi-final clash

with AC Milan or Barcelona.

ROAD TO THE QUARTERS

Benfica topped their group undefeated, twice holding

Manchester United to a draw, before squeezing past

Zenit St Petersburg 4-3 on aggregate in the last 16.

Chelsea also emerged as group winners, winning all

three home games, but losing in Leverkusen and

drawing away at Valencia and Genk. A remarkable

comeback got them past Napoli 5-4 after extra time.

36 | March 23 2012 |

Champions League The Quarter Finals

Drawn and quartered

| 37

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Apoel Nicosia V Real Madrid

TUESDAY 7.45PM, SKY SPORTS 4

The Cypriot champions are boldly going where no team

from their Mediterranean island has gone before, but

surely their journey will end here – against one of the

most expensively assembled teams in the galaxy.

Apoel made it past a sub-par Lyon side on penalties

after a 1-1 aggregate draw, but Jose Mourinho’s team

have developed a ruthless streak, scoring 24 goals in

the tournament compared to the Cypriots’ seven.

Barring a 1-1 draw away on CSKA’s notoriously tricky

plastic pitch in the last 16, Madrid have won all of

their games. Cristiano Ronaldo has six in six in the

Champions League, and is of course the main threat,

but Karim Benzema and Jose Callejon will need to be

watched closely too (with five and four apiece).

For what it’s worth, Apoel’s main threat comes from

Brazilian Ailton, but his team just seem happy to be there

– after the draw, their president Phivos Erotokritou

said: “All dreams must come to an end.” With Barcelona

on the ropes in La Liga, Madrid are eyeing the Champions

League final in Munich – and there’s no way they’re

going to let this team from Cyprus stand in their way.

ROAD TO THE QUARTERS

Madrid won all six of their group games, conceding

just twice and sticking six past Ajax, six past Lyon and

seven past Dinamo Zagreb. A 5-2 aggregate win over

CSKA Moscow put them into quarters for only the

second time in eight years.

Apoel drew all three away games in the group, but beat

Porto and Zenit at home, losing to Shakhtar. Overcame

Lyon on penalties after two home 1-0s in the last 16.

AC Milan V Barcelona

WEDNESDAY 7.45PM, ITV1

This is the tastiest tie of the round by far, its appeal

undiminished by the fact that we’ve already seen it

twice this year. Milan’s 2-2 draw in the Nou Camp and

the subsequent 3-2 reverse in the San Siro were

probably the games of the group stage, the Rossoneri’s

fluid front three showing that they can cause problems

for the usually unflustered Barcelona defence.

They’ve stuttered a bit in the competition away

from their encounters with Barcelona, though, almost

letting a 4-0 lead slip against Arsenal in the last 16.

Former Barca striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic has a score

to settle with Pep Guardiola, whom in his recent

autobiography he accused of having ‘no balls’, among

other things. Guardiola has his own special way of

exacting revenge, of course – it involves just the

one ball flying between his midfield maestros at

breathtaking speeds before his little genius, Lionel

Messi, applies a suitable finish. Messi has scored a

frankly ridiculous 49 goals this season (at the time

of writing), including five in his previous Champions

League outing. The two thrilling games between these

sides in the group make this a mandatory watch.

ROAD TO THE QUARTERS

Barcelona topped their group ahead of Milan, collecting

five wins and that draw against the Rossoneri, then

ruthlessly hit 10 past Leverkusen in the last 16.

Milan beat Plzen and Bate comfortably enough at

home, but could only manage three away draws. They

trounced Arsenal 4-0 at the San Siro in the last 16, but

succumbed to complacency to finish 4-3 on aggregate.

Marseille V Bayern Munich

WEDNESDAY 7.45PM, SKY SPORTS 2

Roused from their slumber by Basel’s late winner in

the first leg of their last-16 tie, Bayern Munich dished

out a 7-0 lesson in the return leg, with wingers Arjen

Robben and Franck Ribery reminding us that an

El Clasico final isn’t necessarily the dead cert most

people think it is. The 2009-10 finalists are desperate

to reach the final, which will be played at their home

stadium, but first they’ll have to get past Marseille,

who have reached this stage for the first time since

their own successful final appearance in 1993.

The Germans have the advantage on paper, with

a solid midfield and the goals of Mario Gomez, but as

Martin Tyler has told us in every FIFA game since the

beginning of time: the game isn’t played on paper.

The European run has proved a welcome distraction

from Marseille’s dismal league form – they’re currently

ninth in Ligue 1 after five defeats in a row. However,

they can threaten through the likes of Loic Remy and

the Ayew brothers Jordan and Andre, and had enough

about them to see off an admittedly lacklustre Inter

Milan side in the last 16.

ROAD TO THE QUARTERS

Bayern topped a tough group with Napoli, Man City

and Villarreal, winning all three home games. They lost

out late on at Basel in the first knockout round, but

recovered in style with a 7-0 win in the return leg.

Marseille, meanwhile, beat German champions

Dortmund home and away in the group. They got past

Inter on away goals after a 92nd-minute Brandao

strike in the second leg.

38 | March 23 2012 |

How much do you look forward to the Cathay

Pacific/HSBC Hong Kong Sevens each year?

“Hugely. All the other tournaments are

fantastic, but there’s just something a bit

extra in Hong Kong. It’s our version of the FA

Cup final or the Olympics at the moment. In

all honesty, we probably prefer it to London

right now. We had a world-record crowd at

Twickenham last year, so I might change my

view on that over time, but at the moment

Hong Kong is the spiritual home of sevens.

It’s the one I remember staying up to watch

as a kid, so it’s hard to shift that perception

among players and coaches.”

You go to some spectacular places in your

season. Do you get time to enjoy any of it?

“I think you get to know places as opposed to

enjoy them in the traditional sense, so you

know the best restaurants and shops to

go to. To be honest, the life of a professional

sportsman means your travelling is generally

airports, hotels, training grounds and stadia.

I try to give the lads a bit of culture and

they’re pretty good at trying to find it,

but it’s few and far between.”

And in terms of the actual rugby, how

confident are you ahead of Hong Kong?

“We’ve been the nearly team this year.

We started well with victory in Dubai, and

that shows that we can beat anybody out

there when we give it our best. We’ve just

been a little bit off at times this year, and New

Zealand have beaten us by less than a score

to knock us out too many times. I’ve been

fairly inhumane and flogged the lads in the

last month to get them to a position where

they feel rock-solid mentally and physically...

so we’re in good shape for Hong Kong and

we’re feeling confident.”

How can the sport grow its global coverage?

“I think it’s naturally growing already. A lot of

our lads might not get recognised walking

around London, but in Hong Kong, Dubai and

other stops around the HSBC Sevens World

Series, they get recognised and mobbed – so Ch

ris

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The magnificent sevens

Set for the Olympics in 2016, sevens rugby is on the rise. Ahead of the Hong

Kong Sevens this weekend, we caught up with England coach Ben Ryan as

his men – fourth in the HSBC World Series – look to close in on the leaders

Ben Ryan

they find it a bit surreal that no one back

home knows them. I think it will catch up with

itself once we get some stars and the game

becomes more widely known in the rugby

community, and the Olympics can help that.

I remember Great Britain winning the hockey

gold at the 1988 Seoul Olympics, and the likes

of Sean Kerly and others became heroes

overnight. I think the same will happen with

sevens in Rio, so we need to be ready to

challenge for that gold medal – and then we

need to be ready to deal with the increased

level of participation after the Olympics.”

Would you be easily tempted back to coaching

in the 15-a-side game?

“It’s very hard to get away from sevens once

you get embedded in it, because it’s such good

fun; it’s so enjoyable, it’s highly competitive

and it’s just on an upward curve. For sure, I’d

love to get back involved in 15s at some point,

but if I had to make a choice between the two,

it would be sevens. It’s just highly addictive, and

going to these fantastic places to play in front

of 50,000 people is very hard to give up.”

Mark Coughlan @coffers83

The finale of the HSBC Sevens World Series

comes to Twickenham on May 12-13 2012.

For more information on the Marriott London

Sevens or for tickets, visit rfu.com/tickets

Saturday

HSBC Sevens

World Series |

Hong Kong |

Sky Sports 3 6.30am

Competition

The third and final instalment of the

critically acclaimed Mass Effect series

hit stores last week. To celebrate,

Sport is offering you the chance to win the

N7 Collector’s Edition of Mass Effect 3, and

an Xbox 360 to play it on. Mass Effect 3

thrusts players into an all-out galactic war

to save mankind from an ancient alien race

known only as the Reapers. Players take

the role of Commander Shepard, a

wartorn veteran who’s willing to do

whatever it takes to eliminate a nearly

unstoppable foe. With a team of elite

soldiers at their side, each player decides

how they will take earth back, from the

weapons and abilities they utilise to the

relationships they forge or break. The

collector’s edition comes in a premium

metal case with commemorative artwork,

including a hardbound book and comic, plus

exclusive in-game content.

Texts cost 50p +std network charge. Competition

closes at midnight on Thursday March 29. Full terms

and competitions at sport-magazine.co.uk

Win! Mass Effect 3 and an Xbox 360!

FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN, JUST

ANSWER THE SIMPLE QUESTION BELOW:

Who was the first person to set foot on

the moon?

A. Lance Armstrong B Neil Armstrong

C Stretch Armstrong

To enter, text ME3 plus your answer,

A, B or C, and your name to 81089

£9.99DVD

Film © 2011 Universal Studios. All Rights Reserved.

Focus 2012 126 Days to go

40 | March 23 2012 |

THE VENUE

The first London 2012 venue to be designed,

but last to be finished, is one of the Olympic

Park’s standout structures, its spectacular

wave-shaped roof boasting a longer single

span than Heathrow’s Terminal 5.

The Aquatics Centre is the brainchild of

award-winning Iraqi-British architect Zaha

Hadid, who designed it before London had

even won the bid. Hadid’s design was used

as a glittery example of how London could

provide shiny new venues, as well as tried

and tested ones such as Wembley and the O2.

It proved more difficult (and far more

expensive) to erect than first thought,

costing around £269m by the time it was

completed in July 2011. And the temporary

seating blocks – positioned either side of the

elegant roof to allow for crowds of 17,500 at

the Games – left Hadid less than impressed.

The blocks will be removed once the Games

are over to leave a sustainable venue with

space for 2,500, meaning Hadid’s design will

look as intended and Stratford will have a

leisure centre of which to be proud – providing

its vending machines are well stocked with

Monster Munch, of course.

THE EVENT

One of the most straightforward events of the

Games (for spectators, that is), the swimming

is a direct race to the finish. In the pool there

will be 32 medals awarded throughout the

Games (16 each for men and women) across

the four strokes – freestyle, breaststroke,

backstroke and butterfly – with the medley

races requiring swimmers to utilise all four.

The shortest distance covered is 50m,

which is just one length of the pool, taking the

best swimmers in the world just over 20

seconds to complete. The longest is 1,500m

for the men and 800m for the women, with

the current world records standing at

14:34.14 for the former and 8:14.10 for the

latter – set by GB’s swimming star Rebecca

Adlington four years ago in Beijing.

TEAM GB’S PROGRESS

“It is part of my job to set targets,” says

Michael Scott, British Swimming performance

director. “Winning six medals represents

a significant challenge. But collectively we

have the time and opportunity to improve to

make sure we’re as competitive as possible

for when the rest of the world arrives in

London in July. The thinking is that we are

not taking tourists to the Olympics. Everyone

in the team has the potential to make the

semi finals – and, with an increase in

performance, hopefully make the finals.”

SWIMMING AT LONDON 2012

DATES July 28-August 4

CAPACITY 17,500

HOW TO GET THERE Tube, National Rail,

DLR, London Overground

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Swimming

Hannah Miley

KEY EVENTS BEFORE

LONDON 2012

British International

Disability

Championships

Sheffield, April 6-8

ASA National

Championships

Sheffield, June 20-23

GB hopeful

AGE IN 2012 22

MEDAL RECORD World Championships silver (400m

medley) 2011, 2008 (short course); European

Championships gold (400m medley) 2010,

silver (400m medley) 2011 (short course);

Commonwealth Games gold (400m medley) 2010

Trained by her helicopter pilot father in a 25m

pool in Aberdeenshire, Miley shone at the recent

Olympic trials, qualifying for the 200m medley

as well as her favoured 400m distance...

Hannah Miley could be the first British

swimmer to race for a medal this summer,

with the 400m individual medley among the

first events in the Aquatics Centre.

The 22-year-old recorded the second

fastest time ever in a textile suit at the

British Gas Championships and Olympic trials

earlier this month. When she followed that

up with victory in the 200m medley, in a time

that would have won her any Olympic title

at the distance apart from in Beijing (where

swimmers were aided by the now banned

supersuits), Miley announced herself as a

potential double-medallist.

She’s up at 4.45am six mornings a week

to train with her father, who is known for his

unorthodox methods. Miley often finds herself

swimming with a belt of sponges tied to her

waist, creating more resistance. Still, she’ll

thank him if it means Olympic glory – probably.

Forget the Beijing Water Cube, London’s Aquatics Centre

is set to provide even more thrills and spills this summer

7 DaysMAR 23–MAR 29

HIGHLIGHTS

» Premier League: Chelsea v Tottenham » p44

» F1: Malaysian Grand Prix » p46

» Tennis: Sony Ericsson Open, Miami » p46

» Rugby Union: Harlequins v Bath » p48

» Best of the Rest » p49OUR PICK OF THE ACTION FROM THE SPORTING WEEK AHEAD

42 | March 23 2012 |

For the second season in a row, all eyes will be

on the new guys when the AFL season kicks

off tomorrow, with Greater Western Sydney

Giants taking the Gold Coast Suns’ title as the

new team in town. And what better way to kick

off life in the AFL than with a local derby?

SATURDAY AUSTRALIAN RULES FOOTBALL: GWS GIANTS v SYDNEY SWANS | ANZ STADIUM, SYDNEY | ESPN 8AM

New boys

Bluffer’sGuide to ‘footie’

The Giants, entering the AFL for the first time,

host the Sydney Swans tomorrow, with the rest of

the round’s fixtures taking place next weekend.

For coach Kevin Sheedy, it signals a new dawn in

the AFL after 27 years in charge of Essendon.

Sheedy led Essendon to four Premierships in his

time there, but life with the Giants presents a new challenge, and he

will be relying on his trio of co-captains – the experienced Luke Power

and the youth of Phil Davis and Callan Ward – to lead from the front.

The Swans, meanwhile, were disappointed to finish seventh last

year and will be keen for a winning start. An opening-day derby

against a brand new rival. Is there any better motivation?

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1The game is played on an oval, with

four posts at each end – two tall posts (‘the goal’) and one shorter post on each side.

2Kick into the goal for six points, or the

outer posts for one. If a ‘six’ is touched by an opponent before going in, you only get one.

3A player running with the ball must

touch the ball on the ground (usually a bounce) at least once every 15 metres.

4If a player catches a kick that has

travelled more than 15m, he can call a mark and have a free kick from that spot.

5Games are played over 80 minutes,

split into four quarters (but often last for more than 100 minutes with added time).

6The AFL consists of 18 teams, who play

22 games each. At the end of this season, the top eight teams enter a post-season playoff.

Subscribers make great savings every day

Visit timespacks.com/sportsavingor call 0800 389 6893 quoting ‘SportSaving’

From just

70P a day

With our 7 Day Pack, subscribers enjoy seven days of

papers for just £6 a week, normally £8.70 a week.

Save 30p on The Times every weekday – 70p compared to £1

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Save 70p on The Sunday Times – £1.50 compared to £2.50

44 | March 23 2012 |

SATURDAY PREMIER LEAGUE | CHELSEA v TOTTENHAM | STAMFORD BRIDGE | SKY SPORTS 2 12.45PM

Bridge battle

7 Days

ARSENAL V ASTON VILLA

Emirates Stadium, Saturday 3pm

BOLTON V BLACKBURN

Reebok Stadium, Saturday 3pm

LIVERPOOL V WIGAN

Anfield, Saturday 3pm

NORWICH V WOLVES

Carrow Road, Saturday 3pm

SUNDERLAND V QPR

Stadium of Light, Saturday 3pm

WEST BROM V NEWCASTLE

The Hawthorns, Sunday 4pm, Sky Sports 1

MANCHESTER UNITED V FULHAM

Old Trafford, Monday 8pm, Sky Sports 1

Around the grounds

Torres: he scores

when he wants,

pretty much

One week after their FA Cup tie against Bolton

came to a shocking and premature end,

Tottenham make the short trip across London

to Stamford Bridge, where Chelsea have won

their past four games in all competitions.

The most recent, a 5-2 tonking of Leicester

City, assured Chelsea’s progression to the

semi finals of the FA Cup. But the resultant

headlines were almost entirely focused on

the part played by Fernando Torres, who

finally, finally scored his first – and second

– goals in more than 24 hours of football.

“I needed those goals,” admitted the Spaniard

afterwards, with no small amount of

understatement.

His previous goals (another brace) came

on October 19 against Genk in the Champions

League, sparking claims at the time that the

mental block had been broken and Torres

would finally be the goal machine Roman

Abramovich believed he’d paid for. That didn’t

happen, obviously. So will this time be a

different story?

Harry Redknapp will hope not. Spurs’ bid to

finish in the top four looked a fairly safe bet

until recently, but three league defeats in

a row (before Wednesday’s game against

Stoke) left them looking over their shoulders

at north London rivals Arsenal, who’d love

nothing more than to see Redknapp’s side

tumble out of the Champions League places.

Chelsea just about have Spurs in their

sights now that they’re seemingly a united

group of players again, although as the only

English team left with European football to

think about (for now, at least) they’re also

the only team involved in the top-four scrap

with such distractions.

In the short term – which seems to be the

only term in the mind of Abramovich – the

Blues look in good shape. Mathematically still

within touching distance of the top four, in

two cup competitions and with the core of

John Terry, Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba

firing again, Chelsea could yet prevent

this season from being the disaster many

had predicted.

Fernando Torres

had 50 shots in

all competitions

between scoring

his goals against

Genk last year and

playing (and scoring)

last weekend

SATURDAY STOKE v MAN CITY | BRITANNIA STADIUM | ESPN 5.30PM

A big week for...

After three league defeats in their past 10

(before Wednesday’s match against

Chelsea) – and with capitulation to

Sporting Lisbon confirming their fourth

exit in five competitions this season –

things seem to have gone a bit stale at

Man City. Whatever happens Wednesday,

City need to win their remaining games

– including the Manchester derby next

month – to stand a chance of lifting the

Premier League trophy, so

Carlos Tevez’s return from

his extended holiday might

just prove the perfect tonic. Tevez

virtually carried West Ham across the

line to Premier League survival in 2007,

and his endless levels of energy might

be just what City need to break down

increasingly defensive oppositions. His

boss has shown an incredible U-turn in

welcoming Tevez back to the club. Now

it’s time for the Argentinian to say his

thank yous on the pitch.

SATURDAY SWANSEA v EVERTON | LIBERTY STADIUM | 3PM

It’s impossible not to admire the way

Swansea City have gone about their job

in the Premier League this season –

the Swans have a better possession

average per game than Manchester

United, Tottenham and Liverpool, and

the third-highest passing completion in

the league – but it’s the man between

the sticks who has arguably been their

star player. Only four teams have faced

more shots than Brendan

Rodgers’ men so far – three

of them are in the bottom five

– so it’s to Michel Vorm’s credit that

Swansea currently sit happily in the top

half. In fact, three wins on the bounce

– with clean sheets in all three – have

got the Swansea fans very excited, and

a home fixture tomorrow will only help.

Vorm has conceded just 10 goals in 14

home games this season. Another

clean sheet tomorrow, and the Swans

might just be thinking of Europe.

1. Carlos Tevez 2. Michel Vorm

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46 | March 23 2012 |

7 DaysC

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SUNDAY FORMULA 1 | SEPANG INTERNATIONAL CIRCUIT, MALAYSIA | SKY SPORTS F1 9AM

FRIDAY > TENNIS | SONY ERICSSON OPEN | MIAMI | SKY SPORTS 4 3PM (FROM SATURDAY), BRITISH EUROSPORT 6PM (FROM SUNDAY)

After last season’s snoozefest,

this year’s frantic opener in

Melbourne played out in a

manner suggesting the teams

and drivers had all been shoved

in a bottle, shaken up, and then poured out on to the track. Mercedes qualified strongly but had

a disastrous race, while Ferrari failed to make the top 10 on Saturday but managed a fifth-

placed finish with Fernando Alonso on race day. McLaren did manage to match their qualifying

performance on Sunday, though, coming away with a deserved victory as a result.

We head to Malaysia with all six former world champions looking competitive, epitomised by

Kimi Raikkonen’s charge from 18th to seventh on his F1 return. Less than a second separated

the top eight in qualifying in Melbourne – last year that gap would have stretched only to third.

At the slightly more sociable hour of 9am, this is definitely a race worth getting up early for.

F1 wakes up

Miami vice

Andy Murray's opening-round defeat to the

world number 92 in Indian Wells earlier this

month was a blow to his post-Australian Open

confidence, but if there’s one place he’d

choose to go to get that back, it’s Miami.

The Scot spends much of his off-season

training in Florida and, now that he’s under

the guidance of Miami-based coach Ivan Lendl,

the amount of time he spends there is bound

to increase.

Murray won the event in 2009, but the

two years since then have been disastrous,

featuring opening-round exits to Mardy Fish in

2010 and qualifier Alex Bogomolov last year.

How he bounces back from Indian Wells this

time around will be a good test of the Lendl

effect on Murray’s psyche.

Novak Djokovic arrives as defending

champion on the men’s side, having defeated

Rafael Nadal in the final last year, while

new world number one Victoria Azarenka

triumphed in the women’s event. Known as

‘the fifth major’, the Sony Ericsson Open is

the last hardcourt event before the focus

turns to clay. If Murray’s wise, he'll try to

make the experience last as long as he can.

Sky commentators David Croft and Anthony Davidson talk us

through the Sepang International Circuit in Malaysia

LAPS 56CIRCUIT LENGTH 5.543KMRACE DISTANCE 310.408KMLAP RECORD 1:34.223 – JP MONTOYA (2004)

2011 RESULT

1 SEBASTIAN VETTEL (RED BULL)2 JENSON BUTTON (McLAREN)3 NICK HEIDFELD (RENAULT)

SPORT’S PREDICTION

1 JENSON BUTTON (McLAREN)2 LEWIS HAMILTON (McLAREN)3 MICHAEL SCHUMACHER (MERCEDES)

ROUND 2 MALAYSIAN GRAND PRIX MARCH 25

START

SCHEDULE (GMT)

SATURDAY MARCH 24 QUALIFYING 8AM SUNDAY MARCH 25 RACE 9AM

DC: “I love Malaysia. It’s establishing itself as a really good Grand Prix.”

AD: “It's the grandfather of [Hermann] Tilke’s designs, isn’t it? It’s fast-flowing,

it’s undulating. He gets criticism, but you always have to point them in the

direction of Malaysia because it is a great, great circuit – you see overtaking,

you see tyre degradation to the max. It’s such a gruelling race for the drivers

– so hot and so physical inside the car, you almost want to forget it when it’s

over. Technically the the track focuses quite a lot on braking. Tyre degradation is

a big factor – the most important thing is keeping your rear tyres alive.”

DC: “The hairpin is brilliant because you’ve got all the time in the world to

overthink your entry, and you see so many people going wide, locking up and

giving away the chance for overtaking into that main straight. It’s what you

want; hurtling straight into a heavy-braking corner promotes mistakes. You

don’t need DRS when you’ve got corners like that.”

Free for both existing

and new Sky TV

customers with HD

Sky Sports F1™ HD, our dedicated Formula 1™ channel, launched on 9 March and is available free to HD customers.

Get a free Sky±HD box † and free standard set-up when you upgrade to the HD Pack

And get Sky Sports F1™ HD free

Enjoy up to 60 channels in stunning HD, depending on your Sky TV package

If you’ve already got Sky TV

Just £10.25 extra a month

If you’re joining Sky TV

£30.25 a month

Get a free Sky±HD box† and free standard set-up when you join Sky TV with the HD Pack

And get Sky Sports F1™ HD free plus our most popular TV entertainment channels in HD

Plus Sky Broadband Everyday Lite and inclusive calls#

Believe in better

Existing and new customers can also watch Sky Sports F1™ in standard definition for free with Sky Sports 1 & 2

Award-winning Sky Go app – enjoy F1™

on the move at no extra cost on your iPad,

iPhone, laptop or selected Android™

Incredible picture quality for all the crucial

details, plus Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound

Sky Sports F1™ HD is showing

every race live and uninterrupted

Go to sky.com/formula1 or call 08442 410 896

Don’t miss out – free standard set-up offer ends 29 March

For our best offers, upgrade or join online and get a £50 voucher

£50

†Free Sky±HD box and free standard set-up when you upgrade to the HD Pack or join Sky TV with the HD Pack. Set-up fee may apply. Excludes existing Sky±HD box households.

Sky Go is available in standard definition only. Uses 3G/WiFi.

Sky Network areas only. Sky Line Rental payable at just £12.25 a month.

LU

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Sky Go

Shift your viewing up a gear with a free Sky±HD box† and free standard set-up

Free Sky±HD box†

Free standard set-up

Subject to status. Upfront payment may be required. #UK evening and weekend landline calls of up to an hour to 01, 02, 03 & 0870 numbers only (excludes Channel Islands, indirect access & dial-up internet numbers). Acceptable Use Policy applies. Box set up times currently average 7-10 days for new Sky TV customers and for existing customers upgrading to Sky±HD may be longer (excludes Highlands & Islands, Channel Islands, Scottish Islands, Isle of Man, Northern Ireland). Free Sky±HD Box: Free (otherwise £49). Excludes existing Sky±HD box households. Free standard set-up offer is valid until 29 March (otherwise £30 for new customers and £60 for existing Sky TV customers). Sky± customers must take the self set-up option and set-up must be completed within 31 days of receipt. New 12 month Sky TV minimum term applies for existing customers. Sky Sports F1™ is a part-time channel launching 9 March 2012. Sky Broadband: Existing customer set-up £60. 2GB monthly usage cap. Sky Talk: Compatible line required otherwise connection charge from £39 may apply. Online M&S Voucher offer: Only available at sky.com. One voucher per household sent within 45 days of activating viewing. Offer ends 29 March. Sky Go: WiFi/3G (charges may apply). Available in UK/Ireland on two registered compatible devices (content may vary). iPhone (3GS or above), iPad, iPod touch (4th gen. or above) require iOS 4.3 or later and selected HTC and Samsung smartphones with 0S2.2x or 2.3x. Dolby Digital 5.1: Available on many programmes. You’ll need a compatible home cinema system. General: 12 month minimum subscriptions. Non-standard set-up may cost extra. Sky± requires two satellite feeds. Boxes must be connected to a fixed telephone line and prices may vary if you live in a flat. You must get any consents required (e.g. landlord’s). Prices for Direct Debit payments only. Continuous debit/credit card mandate costs 50p pm. UK, Channel Islands and Isle of Man residential customers only. These offers are not available with any other offers. Further terms apply. Calls to Sky cost 5.1p per minute (plus 13.1p connection fee) for BT customers. Calls from other providers may vary. Correct at 22 February 2012.

The F1 logo, F1, FORMULA 1, FIA FORMULA ONE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP, GRAND PRIX and related marks are trademarks of Formula One Licensing BV, a Formula One group company. All rights reserved.

48 | March 23 2012 |

7 Days

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SATURDAY RUGBY UNION | AVIVA PREMIERSHIP: HARLEQUINS v BATH | THE TWICKENHAM STOOP | ESPN 1.30PM

The Six Nations is over for another year, so

it’s back to domestic duties across the Aviva

Premiership this weekend. Having played just

twice since mid-February, there’s always a bit

of a fresh-start feel to the post-Six Nations

Premiership games. But with just five games

left, there’s no time for reminiscing or

settling back in.

Two defeats and one draw in their five

Premiership games so far this year have seen

Harlequins’ lead at the top of the table cut

dramatically, with Saracens now just four

points adrift ahead of the weekend’s fixtures.

But the good news for the returning Chris

Robshaw and his men is that their home

form has been

magnificent

– Harlequins have

lost just once

at ‘home’, and that was in a tie moved to

Twickenham. Quins failed to fire against

Newcastle in their last outing, so they

desperately need to find their early season

form here tomorrow.

For the visitors, an inconsistent season

appears to have found its feet at the perfect

time, thanks in no small part to the form of

young fly half Tom Heathcote. Bath have now

won four of their past six in all competitions

and sit just two points off Gloucester in the

race for the sixth Heineken Cup place. With

Northampton and Leicester two of their last

four games, Ian McGeechan’s men will be

desperate to pick up at least a point here.

Time for the run-inWhile HMRC may have replaced Celtic as the Gers’ nemesis

right now, Rangers will still be determined not to have this

season’s misery compounded by the green-and-white half of

Glasgow clinching a league title at Ibrox. If Motherwell fail to

beat Kilmarnock on Saturday, however, a Celtic win confirms

their championship victory with eight games still to play.

The strike partnership of Anthony Stokes and Gary Cooper

may have been frustrated in the League Cup final, but this Celtic

side remains full of goals, while a fit Scott Brown adds an edge

of dynamism to their midfield. Rangers are a team depleted by

injuries, shorn of their finest attacker in Nikica Jelavić (now at

Everton) and with young players filling in in unfamiliar positions.

That said, three defeats in four since going into administration

belie some gritty performances. They’re underdogs at home

this Sunday, but don’t expect them to go down without a fight.

Salt in the wound

SUNDAY FOOTBALL | SCOTTISH PREMIER LEAGUE: RANGERS v CELTIC | IBROX | SKY SPORTS 1 1PM

SUNDAY FOOTBALL | JOHNSTONE’S PAINT TROPHY FINAL: CHESTERFIELD V SWINDON TOWN | WEMBLEY STADIUM | SKY SPORTS 2 2PM

Wembley throws open its doors to two of its smaller

constituents this weekend, for the final of the

Johnstone’s Paint Trophy. Just a handful of places

separate the two finalists in the footballing

pyramid, but their seasons have been very

different. Swindon were relegated, bottom of

League One last year, but have been revitalised

under Paolo Di Canio this season and now sit top of

League Two, seemingly set for promotion at the

first time of asking. They swapped divisions with

Chesterfield, who were last season’s

League Two champions, and look set to do

so again, as the Spireites have struggled

in the third tier and have been in the

relegation zone since October. The cup run has

provided some much needed respite, but the form

guide isn’t exactly in their favour – Swindon have

lost just thrice since October, and they’ve got

experience on Wembley’s hallowed turf, losing

to Millwall in the 2010 League One playoff final.

Alan Connell and Paul Benson are Swindon’s

dangermen, while Chesterfield will look to Craig

Westcarr and Jordan Bowery to provide their

cutting edge up front.

Role reversal

FRIDAY CRICKET West Indies v

Australia: 4th ODI,

Gros Islet, St Lucia,

Sky Sports 2 1.25pm

GOLF Arnold Palmer Invitational Day 2,

Orlando, Florida, Sky Sports 3 7pm

RUGBY LEAGUE Super League: Wigan v

Warrington, DW Stadium, Sky Sports 1 8pm

SATURDAY

RUGBY UNION Super Rugby: Crusaders v

Cheetahs, Christchurch Stadium,

Sky Sports 1 6.30am

CYCLING Tour of Catalunya: Stage 6,

Spain, British Eurosport 3pm

FOOTBALL La Liga: Mallorca v Barcelona,

Iberostar Stadium, Sky Sports 4 5.15pm

RUGBY UNION Aviva Premiership:

Northampton v Wasps, Franklin’s Gardens,

Sky Sports 1 5.45pm

FOOTBALL La Liga: Real Madrid v Real Sociedad,

Bernabeu, Sky Sports 4 7pm

BASKETBALL NBA: Houston Rockets v Dallas

Mavericks, Toyota Center, ESPN 12am

BOXING Erik Morales v Danny Garcia, Reliant

Arena, Houston, Sky Sports 1 12.45am

SUNDAY

RUGBY UNION Aviva Premiership:

London Irish v Leicester Tigers,

Madejski Stadium, ESPN 2.15pm

HOCKEY Women’s Olympic Qualification

Tournament: Final, Belgium,

British Eurosport 2 3pm

GOLF Arnold Palmer Invitational Day 4

(featuring Justin Rose, right),

Orlando, Florida, Sky Sports 3 6pm

RUGBY LEAGUE Super League: St Helens v

Leeds, Langtree Stadium, Sky Sports 1 6.35pm

BASKETBALL NBA: Oklahoma City Thunder v

Miami Heat, Chesapeake Energy Arena, ESPN 1am

MONDAY

SNOOKER China Open Day 1, Beijing University,

British Eurosport 7.30am

TUESDAY

CRICKET

West Indies v Australia:

1st T20, Gros Islet,

St Lucia,

Sky Sports 1 7pm

BEST OF THE REST

THURSDAY

FIGURE SKATING

ISU World Figure Skating Championships:

Pairs’ Short Dance,Acropolis Exhibition Centre,

Nice, British Eurosport 7.45pm

FOOTBALL Europa League Quarter Final

First Leg: AZ Alkmaar v Valencia,

AFAS Stadion, Alkmaar, ESPN 8pm

| 49

Extra time Kit

50 | March 23 2012 |

Making the most of your time and money

1 Adidas Pellara EliteWhen he’s not trying out stupid shots, restyling his

hair or practising his English accent, Kevin Pietersen

can occasionally pop up as a very useful batsman. And

this is his weapon of choice. Good enough for us.

£360 | 0870 240 4204

2 Puma Cobalt 5000Did you know bats are the only mammals capable of

sustained flight? This bat, a Puma, doesn’t fly – but it’s

great for cricket, and with the bulk of the power higher

up the blade, it’s even better for big-hitting cricket.

£320 | facebook.com/pumacricket

3 Gunn & Moore Icon DXM 606The Icon DXM is the bat used by Jonathan Trott, and

the 606 incarnation combines a lightweight design with

thick power edges to increase your chances of a big

boundary – as long as you can hit the ball in the first

place. It can’t help you much if you can’t.

£104 | amazon.co.uk

4 Kookaburra Kahuna 600A kookaburra, just to confirm, is a terrestrial

kingfisher native to Australia and New Guinea. No idea

what that has to do with cricket, but the Kahuna 600

combines a reinforced handle with an air-dried face

to help big hitters notch up big boundaries.

£180 | prodirectcricket.com

5 Gray-Nicolls Evo SlayerAlong with the band (Slayer) and the TV character

Buffy (the vampire slayer), this Gray-Nicolls bat is now

up there with our favourite slayers. That’s thanks to a

high sweet spot that is very forgiving for late shots.

£56 | amazon.co.uk

6 Slazenger V100 Club Cricket BatEver wondered what animal that is on Slazenger’s

logo? So have we – sorry if you actually wanted to know.

Anyway, the V100 boasts a cane handle designed for

increased power and it’s endorsed by James Anderson

and Paul Collingwood, so clearly suits all types of game.

£90 | sportsdirect.com

Unleash your inner batmanEngland get their first Test in Sri Lanka

under way this Monday, so prepare to

emulate your heroes with these top bats

1 2

3 4

5 6

P58

Hug a hoodie and

face the inevitable

consequences

*Conditions apply. See tda.gov.uk/conditions for full details.

52 | March 23 2012 |

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Extra time Heather Mitts

| 53

Easter Festival, Salzburg, March 31-April 9Every year, the birthplace

of Mozart plays host to a

festival of classical music

and opera that further

illuminates this already

beautiful Austrian city.

The 2012 festival launches

on the evening of March 31,

with a performance of the

great Georges Bizet opera

Carmen, but that’s not the

only reason to go this year.

That’s because 2012 marks

the end of Sir Simon Rattle’s

nine-year tenure as artistic

director, and the last time

the Berlin Philharmonic will

play as resident orchestra.

End-of-an-era stuff.

osterfestspiele-salzburg.at/en

Tribeca Film Festival, New York, April 18-29The Tribeca Film Festival

was founded in 2002 by,

among others, Robert de

Niro in response to the

September 11 attacks on

the World Trade Center.

It has since developed a

reputation for showcasing

independent films, shorts

and documentaries, not

to mention holding panel

discussions with major film

personalities such as last

year’s special guest Martin

Scorsese (above).

A fascinating fortnight of

film, then – and an excellent

excuse for visiting one of

the greatest cities on earth.

tribecafilm.com/festival

Grand National, Liverpool,April 14A bit closer to home, this

one, but next month’s

Grand National is one of our

great sporting spectacles

– and you can travel there

in some style aboard an

Orient-Express train.

On Saturday April 14,

the British Pullman departs

London Victoria at 7am. And

for £595 per person, you

could be on board, enjoying

brunch on the way to

Aintree, reserved seats in

the Princess Royal Stand to

watch the day’s racing, and

a five-course dinner with

champagne on the way back.

Sounds alright to us.

orient-express.com

54 | March 23 2012 |

Easter paradeThe Easter break affords a great

chance for us all to get away and sample

some culture. Here are our picks of the

available options for 2012, kicking off

with an appropriately religious offering

Semana Santa, Seville, April 1-8The shot above may look like a monthly meeting of Shit Ghosts

Anonymous, but these characters are actually among one of

the many cofradías (religious brotherhoods) of Seville who

spend Semana Santa (Holy Week) processing in penitence

through the streets of the Andalucían capital every year.

Such a grave procession doesn’t sound like the most

captivating sight, but there is beauty to go with the solemnity;

as they make their separate ways to the spectacularly Gothic

Seville Cathedral, each brotherhood carries with them floats

bearing ornate and often antique religious sculptures.

Processions last all week, giving you plenty of time to get

out and explore the many attractions of an ancient city that

boasts a Mediterranean climate, some stunning architecture

and some of the best tapas you’re ever likely to taste.

Check skyscanner.net for direct flights to Seville

THE ALTERNATIVES

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Limited availability. Prices are one-way including taxes and charges, correct as of 01/03/12 but are subject to change at any time. Prices based on departing from London Gatwick to Nice for travel between 23/04/12 – 25/05/12. Two items of hand luggage means one piece of hand baggage plus a laptop, briefcase or handbag. For full terms and conditions go to ba.com/gatwick

Gatwick to FRANCEone-way from

With our transparent prices, it really is easy.

// No admin fee with debit card payments// Two pieces of hand luggage// 23kg hold luggage allowance// Allocated seating

Visit ba.com/gatwickTo Fly. To Serve.

THE SPORT SELECTION

Extra time Travel

Schwarzkopf Professional

[3D]Mension Grey Blend

You’ve got to hand it to the creatives at Schwarzkopf.

Faced with the problem of how best to market their

first haircare range developed exclusively for men,

they eschewed anything even vaguely subtle, instead

choosing to go with the kind of colourful branding

that makes Kermit the Frog look ‘a bit earthy’.

Still, it’s hard to ignore, which is exactly why we

know more about the [3D]Mension range than we

ever thought possible. The 3D bit comes from the

entire range’s desire to, and we’re quoting here,

‘deal with men’s hair in a truly three-dimensional

way’. This starts with haircare products, such

as shampoos and tonics, and goes on to include

a styling range comprising the usual mix of gel,

wax, spray and cream.

But it’s the third ‘dimension’ that most piqued our

interest, plagued as we are by more grey hairs than

the waxing room floor on the set of Calendar Girls.

The Grey Blend range features an easy-to-mix

colour cream and developer in six toning shades,

and enables natural grey blending with an additional

care benefit in only five minutes. Grow grey

gracefully in double-quick time – that’ll do for us.

schwarzkopf-professional.co.uk

Lies, damned lies...

And grooming statistics. A recent

survey* of 5,000 men has thrown

up some rather interesting facts

about what we consider important

to our daily bathroom regime.

And it’s sensational news for

shampoo manufacturers. When

asked to name their top five

bathroom essentials, 84 per cent

of lads named shampoo, Bearing

in mind how many baldies there

are out there, that implies pretty

much every bloke with hair simply

can’t do without his daily wash.

Intriguingly, deodorant only

crept into the top five, with an

unimpressive 50 per cent. But

who needs to smell fresh when

your thatch looks so damn good?

Style Pilot

There’s absolutely no point in

spending hour upon hour on your

grooming regime if you end up

leaving the house dressed like

a fashion disaster. We speak from

experience, and it’s no fun.

Enter Style Pilot, which describes

itself as a ‘personal style engine for

men’ and has been designed to aid

helpless (and so most) men in their

quest to find styles and brands that

suit them. Built by an expert team of

stylists, it’s dead easy to use and

could just save you any number of

shopping nightmares. We’re off for

a play now, and suggest you follow.

stylepilot.com

*Report conducted by the Consumer Analysis Group in November 2011

56 | March 23 2012 |

THE WEBSITE

Green days

Don’t be a basket case about greying hair

– you can do something about it with a

new, and spectacularly coloured, range

THE HAIRCARE

THE RESEARCH

0.0 0.2 0.4 0.6 0.8 1.0

Extra time Grooming

1 SHAMPOO (84%)

2 TOOTHBRUSH (83%)

3 SHOWER GEL (78%)

4 RAZOR (74%)

5 DEODORANT (50%)

£9.95

MANY ROADS LEADTO THE MEDAL,BUT ALL BEGIN WITHA GREAT START.

SIR CHRIS HOY, 4X OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALLIST

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NOTHING BEATS

A GREAT START.

Act of Valour

Storming the US box office by earning over £24m

in its opening weekend, Act of Valour boasts an

edge of realism missing from the usual Hollywood

war film. The filmmakers achieved this by ditching

gym-buffed actors to use

active, elite Navy SEALs

in key roles, while also

basing the plot on

real-life missions. Vin

Diesel eat your heart out.

Archer Season TwoJames Bond meets Family Guy is the brief for this underappreciated

US comedy series that’s as clever as it is crass. Central to the

fun is boozy, womanising, Burt Reynolds-obsessed Sterling Archer

(codename: Duchess) who works for a secret service agency run

by his scheming mother. He lives with Woodhouse (his aged, decrepit

valet), owes money to a pimp called Popeye and regularly attempts

to seduce and/or molest his colleague Lana. He’s funny because

he’s the type of man we can really relate to, is what we’re really

trying to say.

This second series (out on DVD and Blu-ray from Monday) sees

Archer charged with protecting a precocious, 16-year-old Swiss

nymphomaniac, battling breast cancer and fathering a lovechild

(possibly). Near the knuckle, but very close to the funny bone.

The Better Bacon Book

From the delicious-looking ‘fat kid

burger’ to bacon-infused desserts

and even bacon cocktails, the

iPad-exclusive Better Bacon Book

is packed with enough rasher-

based recipes to scare the hell out

of Porky Pig. As well as images

and easy, step-by-step instructions, the book also

contains 20 high-definition videos as part of a guide

to making your own bacon from scratch (porcine

slaughter not included). Out now and priced £2.99,

it represents excellent value, although it’s arguably

not one to invest in if you’re a Jewish vegetarian.

Drive Soundtrack

Even slicker than Ryan

Gosling’s performance

in the lead role was

Drive‘s score: a work of

moody synth brilliance

by Red Hot Chili Pepper

turned film composer,

Cliff Martinez. Throw in

some of the movie’s

catchy electro-pop

songs (A Real Hero is

the obvious standout)

and you get an album

that’s a cut above your

usual driving music.

Phantom Jo Nesbo

New thriller from the

Norwegian crime author

focuses on maverick

sleuth Harry Hole, this

time investigating the

death of a young junkie

in Oslo while also being

mysteriously hunted

himself. Expect a pacy,

punchy read from one of

the best in the business.

Wild Bill

Skilfully mixing crime, comedy and family drama,

Dexter Fletcher’s directorial debut features sharp

dialogue and top performances. Top of the bill is

Charlie Creed-Miles, fresh out of

jail and back home to two boys, 15

and 11, living alone and none too

glad that Pops is back. However,

when the younger lad gets into

trouble with Bill’s old pals, daddy is

forced to man up and sort it ahht.

58 | March 23 2012 |

FILM

Making bacon

Sizzling pork treats, the US James Bond

and the soundtrack to your spring

BLU-RAY

iPAD

FILM MUSIC BOOK

Extra time Entertainment

© 2011 BY PARAMOUNT PICTURES. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

© 2011 PARAMOUNT PICTURES. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. HASBRO, TRANSFORMERS AND ALL RELATED CHARACTERS ARE TRADEMARKS OF HASBRO. © 2011 HASBRO. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

© 2011 BY PARAMOUNT PICTURES. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER, THE MOVIE:© 2011 MVL FILM FINANCE LLC. CAPTAIN AMERICA, THE CHARACTER: TM & © 2012 MARVELENTERTAINMENT, LLC & SUBS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Only

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Philips SHE9000Of a more robust

constitution than

other similarly

priced offerings,

this sleek pair have

rubber tips and a

coated cable to stop

tangles. Ideal if

you’re making a move

away from the awful

headphones bundled

with your iPod.

£36

philips-shop.co.uk

A sweat-soaked comedian, some

misappropriated party food and

a surprising musical duo all appear

in our in-ear headphones special...

Extra time Gadgets

60 | March 23 2012 |

Play it by ear

ACS T3 In-Ear MonitorsFavoured by

musicians from

Supergrass to

Slipknot, and

designed for serious

audiophiles. For an

extra £90 you can

get custom-moulded

silicon earpieces, for

the ultimate comfort

and noise isolation.

£249

acscustom.com

Gear4 GP10 Sports HeadphonesThis sweat-resistant

pair are perfect for

Lee Evans, who’s

irreparably soaked

so much electrical

equipment that he had

to give up exercise

altogether. They’re

good value, too, so

he’ll even have some

cash left for a spot

of anti-perspirant.

£20 | gear4.com

Bowers & Wilkins C5Dane Bowers and

Ray Wilkins did seem

an unlikely double

act, but their debut

album My Word was

chart gold. These

headphones are just

as good, and slightly

less fictional – they

boast an innovative

secure loop and

stunning sound.

£150

bowers-wilkins.com

Sony MDR-AS20JWe’re not big fans of

Sony’s code-based

naming system, so

we’ve decided to

rechristen these

the Sony Banana

Stencils. They wrap

round your ears for

exercise, so they

won’t fall out – no

matter how vigorous

your run/cycle/

Zumba session gets.

£15 | sony.co.uk

Heartbeats by Lady Gaga headphonesWe hoped these

Lady Gaga-designed

‘phones would be

along the same lines

as her famous ‘meat

dress’, perhaps

shaped from cocktail

sausages. Sadly, we

were mistaken, but

it’s probably better

for the sound quality.

£120

beatsbydre.com

Advertising feature

SEAL LifE cEntrE We take a look at the technology and

vocabulary on view in Act of Valour...

1 SSGN Submarine

A US Navy cruise missile submarine. When

shooting Act of Valour, the crew had only 45

minutes in which to film a scene on which the

SEALs landed on an SSGN submarine platform.

The narrow window meant that filming had to run

with pinpoint military precision... which makes the

decision to use active-duty US Navy SEALs a very

good one indeed.

2 HH-60 Helicopter

A US Air Force helicopter whose primary

mission is the insertion and recovery of special

operations personnel under stressful conditions,

including search and rescue. Capable of operating

in daytime or at night, and in extremely hostile

environments.

3 Special Warfare Combatant Craft

Small craft used to support special operations

missions, in particular those of the Navy SEALs.

The Special Warfare Combatant-craft Crewmen

(SWCCs, pronounced ‘swicks’) who operate these

craft go through separate specialised training

programmes that emphasise special ops in the

maritime environment.

4 RQ11 Raven

An unmanned, miniature drone aircraft that is

launched by hand, powered by an electric motor

and which has an effective operational radius of

10km. It provides day or night aerial intelligence,

surveillance, target acquisition and

reconnaissance. Quite the toy.

5 SDV Submarine

The SEAL Delivery Vehicle (or SDV) is a

two-man stealth submarine used to deliver

US Navy SEALs and their equipment for special

operations missions. Used primarily for covert

or clandestine missions into hostile or denied-

access areas.

Bogey Unknown aircraft that could be

friendly, hostile or neutral – but

which, if you’ve seen Top Gun (and who hasn’t?), is

almost always the middle option of the three.

on my six Naval aviation term referring

to having someone at your

back, relative to the hours of a clock; thus 12 is dead

ahead, 3 starboard (to the right), 6 behind and 9 port

(to the left). You don’t really want a bogey on your six.

Balls to fourA four-hour

watch

spanning from 00.00-04.00, though in practice it

begins at 23.45 and ends at 03.45. Not hugely exciting,

but we like greatly any phrase with the word ‘balls’ in it.

emergency Blow When

a sub

rapidly blows all of the ballast out of its tanks, resulting

in a rapid ascent and impressive display as the sub

breaks the surface. Not what happens to us after the

weekly Friday-night curry.

canoe cluB Quite simply, the slang

term for the US Navy.

A particular favourite because in the UK this drums up

images of spotty teenagers in oversized lifejackets.

But it’s not that in the States – not by a long shot.

the top 5...

seals technology

the top 5...

seals speak

1

2

3

/ActofValourUK/ActofValourMovie15 CONTAINS STRONGLANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE