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Squirrel Catapult

Date post: 24-Apr-2015
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Anti-Squirrel Catapult Kit Parent Instructions Beta 0.2
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Page 1: Squirrel Catapult

Anti-Squirrel Catapult Kit Parent Instructions

Beta 0.2

Page 2: Squirrel Catapult

1. Features

First off I would like to thank you for choosing to make us, and our siege device a part of your life. We know that your decision is a wise one. This product features some of the latest in anti-squirrel technology development at our labs:

• Relative ease of assembly• Slick “unfinished wood” construction• Variable elastic based propulsion• Ease of maintenance, with readily available parts• *new* enhanced stabilized base• *new* now with 75% less splinters!• *new* lower profile• *new* round pegs into the round holes• *new* removal of spikes to decrease collateral damage• *optional* black paint for increased stealth

With bravery and this catapult it is probable (60.1% survival rate) that you should be able to repel all but a level 5 squirrel assault.

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2. Assembly

Construction of this device is rather simple, but it is suggested that you and your young squirrel resistance fighter undertake this venture together. This should provide both safety during the construction, and familiarity for both parties with the device, in case field maintenance is required.

Step 1. Base AssemblyInsert bases of pieces beta and gamma into slots A24 and A22 respectively. Do not reverse these, or unparalleled doom shall surely be visited upon you and your descendants, and possibly your pets. Secure by bludgeoning some delta fasteners, preferably with a heavy item designed for such a purpose. For added security, adhesive solution may be applied beforehand.

Drawing 1: Base Assembly

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Step 2. Pivot PandemoniumInsert one the peg through the dead tree, rike goodry, perfect three.

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Step 3. Elastic Propulsion Selection and Assembly(see Drawing 3)

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3. TroubleshootingQ: When I shoot at the squirrels, they just come closer.A: you have probably loaded a food stuff, such as a squirrel cookie, or a latte, rather than the recommended ammunition, change ammunition and then check again.

Q: Help! I've run out of ammunition!A: The catapult is designed for such an eventuality, with an ammunition slot capable of accepting a wide spectrum of possible ballistics. However, for maximized effectiveness, we recommend wine bottle corks, available in great quantities wherever Parsons are found, if they don't know what you are asking for refer to it as “that little part that gets in the way of the wine in its path to your glass”

Q: The Four horsemen have started their ride, the apocalypse is occurring, great Cthulhu has awakened and has begun eating pretty much everybody and everything, and the nuclear missiles have been launched from every country.A: You inserted gamma into slot A21 didn't you? Its all your fault.

Q: It won't get onto the Internet!A: Check your connections, reload the drivers, reboot the system, and try again.

Q: My password doesn't work!A: PEBKAC error: Hit capslock and try again.

Q: Its a dead man's partyA: Who could ask for more? Everybody is coming, leave your body at the door.

4. Disclaimers

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We cannot be held liable for any injury that occurs as a result of using this device. Death, dismemberment, and possibly having your head pickled in a jar and made into a tourist trap just south of the Mexican-Canadian border are normal and intended effects of this device. Use at your own risk. Do go swimming for at least 20 minutes after use. Always take with food. Do not operate heavy machinery. This product is known to cause uncontrollable giggling, a penchant for the color blue, and an inability to suspend ones disbelief while watching Jean-Claude Van Damme movies.

Nous ne pouvons pas être jugés responsables d'aucun dommage qui se produit en raison d'utiliser ce dispositif. La mort, le démembrement, et faire probablement mariner votre tête dans une fiole et être transformée en un sud juste de piège de touristes de la frontière Mexicain-Canadienne sont des effets normaux et prévus de ce dispositif. Utilisation à votre propre risque. Allez nager pour au moins le après utilisation de 20 minutes. Prenez toujours avec la nourriture. N'actionnez pas les machines lourdes. Ce produit est connu pour causer rire nerveusement incontrôlable, un penchant pour le bleu de couleur, et une incapacité pour suspendre ceux incrédulité tout en observant des films de Jean-Claude-Claude Van Damme.

読んだこれを愚かな外国人傾く。私達はこの装置の使用の結果として起こるあらゆる傷害のために責任を負うべき握られることができない。瓶の死、分離、およ びもらうことはピクルスにされ、メキシコカナダのボーダーの tourist トラップの公正な南になして多分あなたの頭部をこの装置の正常な、意図されていた効果である。あなた自身の危険の使用。使用の後の少なくとも 20 分の間泳ぐことを行きなさい。常に食糧と取りなさい。重い機械類を作動させてはいけない。ジーン Jean-Claude Van Damme 映画を見ている間物を中断するために色の青のための制御できないくすくす笑、好み、及び無力を引き起こすとこのプロダクトにより不信知られている。

No podemos ser sostenidos obligados para ninguna lesión que ocurra como resultado de usar este dispositivo. Barito. Taco. La muerte, la desmembración, y posiblemente hacer su cabeza conservar en vinagre en un tarro y ser hecho en un sur justo de la trampa turística de la frontera Mexicano-Canadiense son efectos normales y previstos de este dispositivo. Nacho. Quasadilla. Uso en su propio riesgo. Vaya a nadar para por lo menos el uso posterior de 20 minutos. Tome siempre con el alimento. No funcione la maquinaria pesada. Este producto se sabe para causar reír nerviosamente incontrolable, una inclinación para el azul del color, y una inhabilidad para suspender unos incredulidad mientras que mira las películas de Jean-Claude-Claude Van Damme. Tortilla. Enchillade.

Ultima Ratio Puer


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