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CIPDataapplicationinprocess

“Dad,whyisL.E.’snamementionedthreetimesinthededicationto

Quitterandmynameismentionedonlyonce?”—MCRAE,MYTHEN5-

YEAR-OLDDAUGHTER

“Greatquestion.Youcanwritethededicationtothenextbook.”—

ME

“Good.I’llsay,‘ToJenny,McRae,andL.E.’”—MCRAE

1:YouAreHere

1

YOUAREHERE

IFYOUEVERFLYKOREANAIR,keepyoureyesclosedasyoumakeyourway to coach. You may have to feel your way there, but trust me, thatmomentary inconvenience is worth it. You do not want to see the first-classseats.The challenge is that you enter from the front of the plane. If your eyes areopen,you’reimmediatelythrustintoanaeronauticalwonderland.Firstclassisn’tfullofseats;it’sfulloftinypodsofluxury.Theyhavetheirownlittlesleepingcocoons inwhich to loungeaway thesixteen-hour flight.And ifyousee thesepleasuredomesasyouwalktoyourseat,you’regoingtogetsad.Sothatyoufullycomprehendwhat’shappeningasyoupassthroughtheseatingclasses,KoreanAircolor-codestheseats.Thepleasuredomesinfirstclassarewoveninaperiwinklebluefabricthatseemstotickleyoulightlyandwhisper,“Don’tyouwish thisflightwere longer?”Thenextclassofseats is lightblue,likethecolorofanapronyou’dbuyatWilliams-Sonomaafterbeingwooedintothestoreby thesmellofboysenberrymuffins.Thebusinessclass isdarkblue,seriousbut still seriouslycomfortable.Finally,at theendof thecolorwheel—andbackof theplane—youget to coachclass, your seat,which isbrown, thecolorofdisappointment.Theother thing it’dbegoodforyou toknow—shouldyouever findyourselfflyingtoAsia—isthatVietnamisnotclosetoSouthKorea.Ithoughttheywerelike Connecticut andRhode Island. Thatmaybe I could look out thewindowfromtheairportinSeoulandseeVietnamacrossthewater.Iwaswrong.AfterflyingsixteenhoursfromAtlantatoSouthKorea,wehadtoflyanothersix hours from Seoul to Hanoi.We then boarded an overnight train to traveldeeper into the country. I don’t know if therewereperiwinkle first-class seatsavailableonthattrain,butIdoknowwedidn’tgetthem.Thesharedbathroomwasjustametalholeinthefloorthatdroppedstraightontothetracks.Ithought

itwaskindoffun.Mywifefeltdifferently.Afterasolidnightofrumblingthroughmoonlitmountains,wearrivedinSapa.From there we drove another seven hours on dirt roads overlooking cliffs.Imaginethemostdangerousroadyou’veeverbeenon,removealltheguardrails,andthenaddwaterbuffalo.Finally, after hours of breathtaking scenery punctuated bymoments of sheerpanic,wecameuponsomethingI’dneverexpectedtosee.Frenchmotorcyclists.Myinitialconfusionwasthattheyweren’tonskinnyten-speedsfromthe1960swithlongsticksofcrustyFrenchbreadstickingoutofwickerbaskets,andnoneofthemwerewearingjauntyberets.(EverythingIknowaboutFranceIlearnedfrompuzzles.Andit’scompletelyokayformetopokefunatFrance.Theonlylanguage my books have ever been translated into is German. I’m likeHasselhoffoverthere.)Deckedoutinapocalyptic-lookingsafetygearandaweek’sworthofdirt,theywereobviouslya longwayfromhome.Lost in thedeepestmiddleofnowhereI’d ever experienced, the bikers were gesturing to some Vietnamese villagershuddledaroundamapthatwasunfoldedonthehandlebarsofoneofthebikes.Wepulledovertothesideoftheroadtohelpthemfindtheirnextdestination.Steve,anAmericanwhohadlivedinAsiaforeighteenyears,lookedoutthebuswindowatthebikers’map.“Wow,”hesaidtoHua,ourVietnamesedriver,“thatisanamazingmap.Lookhowdetaileditis!Weshouldgetoneofthose.”Thenhepausedjustbeforeloweringhiswindowandsaid,“Thenagain,thebestmapintheworlddoesn’tmatterifyoudon’tknowwhereyouare.”

***

Stevewasright.Withoutapointoforigin,eventhebestmapisrendereduseless.IfyouopeneduptheGPSonyourphonerightnowandtriedtogetdirections,the very first thing the phonewould need to know is where you are. GoogleEarthcan’tgiveyoudirectionsacrossthestateorevenacrossthestreetwithoutapoint of origin. Yet most of us, when it comes to figuring out where we’reheadedinlife,neverstoptoaskthesimplequestion,“WhereamI?”We just keepmarching forward, day after day, cubicle after cubicle,movingfaster and faster but not really going anywhere. Eventually, at the end of ourlives, we start to do some questioning. We finally pause long enough toreexamineourdecisions andmaybeevenaskhardquestionsofyoung, single-

browedauthorsonairplanes.That’swhatagrandmotherinherearly70sdidtomeonaflightfromDallastoBaltimore. Shewas flying back from a gambling trip inRenowith her sister.Theyweretwograndmothersontherun,laughingandjokingwitheachotherinthebackofaSouthwestplane.Duringtheflight,IgaveheracopyofmybookQuitter.Ipromise,Idon’tdothateverytimeIfly.Idon’twearcargopantsfullofmy books and then say, “Oh,what’s this?Howdid this get inmy pocket?That’scrazy!It’smyWallStreetJournalbest-sellingbook! I’ll sign it foryou,butplease,noflashphotography.Itdriesoutmypores.”But we had been talking about life and dreams, and giving her a copy ofQuitter,whichaddressesboth,seemedlikeanokaythingtodo.Aftershehadbeenreadingitforanhour,sheleanedintospeakovertheenginenoiseandaskmeaquestionIwasn’treadyfor.“Whatdoyoudowhenall theexcusesyouused tonotchaseyourdreamaregone?Whatdoyoudothen?”Therewassadnessinherwords.Asenseoffearandresignationthatseemedtosuck all the joy out of a boisterous weekend trip with a sister. Sadder still, Ididn’thaveananswer forher. Ididn’tknowtheanswer,but Iknewtherewasone.Therehadtobe,becauseIdidn’twantyouormetogetto80or90yearsoldandrealizewemortgagedthebestyearsofourlivesdoingsomethingweweren’tcalledtodo.Ididn’twanttolookbackonlifeandwonderwhereitallwent.ThathappenedtomeoncewhenIwas30.Throughaseriesofbaddecisions,IfinallywokeuponedayinacubicleandrealizedI’dcoastedthroughthelasttenyears ofmy life.And I knew that same thingwould happen again if Iwasn’tcareful.RealizingwhereIwasheaded,Istartedtowriteaboutthatwoman’squestion.Iwrote 50,000 words trying to find the answer, but like most things in life, itsnuckuponmewhenIwaslookingtheotherway.Oneafternoonwhilemeetingwithafriend,IstartedtodissectDaveRamsey’slifeonawhiteboard.He’sbeenanincrediblysuccessfulauthorandbusinessman,somethingIaspiretobetoo.Iwascurioushowheaccomplishedsomuch.AsIstarted tomap out the trajectory of his life, Imade a pretty simple discoveryaboutwhatit takestobeawesome.It’snotthatcomplicatedorunique;infact,since the dawn of time, every awesome life has gone through the same fivestages.

1.Learning2.Editing3.Mastering4.Harvesting

5.Guiding

Like a simple map through life, those are the five stages on the road toawesome.Anduntilrecently,theyhavematchedupprettycloselywithyourage.

Inyour20s,youresidedinLearning.Youwenttocollege,gotajob,orjoinedthemilitary.Youdidn’tyetknowwhatyouweremade of, so you sampledmany endeavors and did asmuch as youcouldtolearnaboutyourself,theworldaroundyou,andwhereyoubestfitin.

Inyour30s,youmovedonuptoEditing.Youstartedtofocusonthehandfulofthingsthatworkedwellinyour20s.Youwere not done learning, but you started editing down the list of things youthoughtwerereallyimportant.Youprioritizedyourpassions.Youeliminatedoldhabits that wrecked you in your 20s and concentrated on doing more of thethingsyouloveandlessofthethingsyouhate.Itwasawinnowingperiod.Youfocusedyourcareer,yourrelationships,andeverypartofyourlife.

Inyour40s,youascendedtoMastering.Youeditedyourlifetothemostimportantthingsinyour30s,andthenitcametimetomasterthem.Youweregoingtobeanawesomeparent,awesomefriend,awesomeemployee,etc.Youdidn’tnarrowyourlifefurther;youjusthadgreatercertaintyaboutwhatyouweregoodatandhowtodoitregularly.Youwerenolongertheyoungupstartatwork;youweretheonewithfifteentotwentyyearsofexperience.Triedandtrue.Youstartedleadingbiggerprojectsandinitiatives.Youwerenotanexpertyet,butyouwerenextinline.

Inyour50s,youbaskedinHarvesting.The seeds youplanted in your 20s, 30s, and40s finally beganblooming.Youmade themostmoney in your career during this decade and reapedwhat you

sowed.Thiswasn’trocketscience.Ifyouspentyour30sand40sworkinghardto be considered an expert in your field, youwould obviously havemore jobopportunities than if you jumped around forty-seven times and blamed yourbosses for “not recognizingyour talent.” If youwere deliberate about pouringintorelationshipsinyour20s,30s,and40s,guesswhat?Youharvestedabundantrelationships in your 50s. When your collegiate son crashed his car, youharvestedanoutpouringofsupportandlove.Lotsofpeoplecametothehospital,andsomeoneprobablyevenbroughtacasserole.

Inyour60s,youenteredaplaceofGuiding.You retiredwith a goldwatch and a ranch-style home in Florida.Youwere agrandfather or a grandmother.Youwere the elder statesman, the onewith thewisdom.Yougottogivebackgenerouslytopeoplewhoweretravelingthepathonwhichyouspentforty-plusyears.Corncobpipewhittlingwasnotmandatorybuthighlylikely.Ifyouwanted toachieveawesomeness, that’s thepathyou followed.Tensofthousandsofpeoplehaveprovedit’sthewaytoawesome.Ifit’sthateasytowalkdownthepaththough,ifthestepsaresoclearlymarked,whydon’tmorepeopledoit?Well,thebadnewsisit’snottheonlypathonthemap.And,likeabackroadthroughthemountains,thepathtoawesomeismuchnarrowerthantheother,morecommonpath.Billions of people have traveled and continue to travel the other path, and itgrows wider every year. The terrain is easy—grassy even—and after a briefincline it follows a safe and steady decline that mostly allows for casualcoasting.Itsoundsnice.Itfeelseffortlesswhenyou’reonit.The trouble is thaton thiswidepath,youdon’tendupatawesome.You justendupatold.Thispathiscalled“average.”The trickiest thing is thatbothpathsbegin in thesameplace.Andbothpathsendinharvestingandguiding.Thekeydifferenceisthatifyou’vetrekkedthepathofawesome,theharvestisabundantandyouwillguideotherpeopledowntheirownabundantpaths.If,ontheotherhand,you’vecoastedthepathofaverage,neverdaringtobelieveyoucould learn,edit, andmasteryourownbitofawesomeness,youwillharvestacropneitheryounoranyoneelsedesires.Andyouwillthenguide,butinsteadofilluminatinganawesomepathforothers,you’llbecomealighthouseindicatingtherocksonwhichyoucrashedyourlife.

You may not have a haunted house or an abnormally large furnace in thebasementàlaTheBurbs,butpeoplewillstillrefertoyouinhushedtonesliketheydidmyoldneighbors.They grew so bitter that they eventually decided to spend their timemakingsureanyballorFrisbeethatlightedupontheirlawnwasquicklyconfiscatedandcataloged.After a fewyears of draining the entire neighborhoodof toys, theytookmyfriendMarctocourt,atwhichpointtheypresentedalltheirevidence.Ican only imagine the jury’s faces as they were presented with Wiffle ballsbearingdatesonthem.Isthatwhatyouwantyourlifetocometo?WiffleballCSI?Meneither.Sothenwhydomostpeopledecidetotraveldowntheaveragepath?The truth is theydon’tdecide.Theonly thingyouhave todoon theaveragepathisnotdie.You graduate from high school or college and effectively shift into neutral.Sure,you’renotmovingthatfast,butyou’regettinggreatgasmileageandyouaremakingsomeprogress, ifyouwant tocall it that.You’redefinitelygettingolder and that means something, right? With age comes wisdom? Notnecessarily.Especiallyifyou’recoasting.Eventually,you’llrollyourwayrightintothegrave.The average path is the easier of the two paths, and it’s dangerouslycomfortable.IspentmanyyearsonitwithoutrealizingI’dbeenthereaweek.Theawesomepath?It is dangerous too—but the good kind of dangerous.The kind of dangerousthroughwhichallgreataccomplishmentsmust travel.On itare tallmountains,rockywalls,andevenanoccasionaldragon.You’regoingtogetbloodied,yourdisciplinewillbe tested,andyourdreamswillbechallengeda thousand timesover.Butohhhh,itisawesome.And here’s the kicker: when I say it’s awesome, I don’t mean “eventually”awesome.I’mtalkingright-this-secondawesome.I’d never write a book that said, “In forty years you’ll get to harvest someamazingstuffinyourlifeifyou’lljustsuckitupforfourdecades.”Idon’twantalifelikethat.WhywouldIconvinceyouthatyouneededone?

AWESOMEISAVAILABLELIKENEVERBEFORETheopportunityandspeedwithwhichyoucanreachawesomehasneverbeengreater.Threeforcesofnaturehavecollidedtocreateaonce-in-a-centurystormeven bigger than the one Patrick Swayze surfed at the end of Point Break.

(Googleit.)

1.Retirementisdead.MyfriendLuke’smomwasateacheratthesameschoolfortwenty-eightyears.Shewasgoingtoretireeventuallybecausethat’swhatyoudid.Youworkedinoneplace,trustedinSocialSecurity,andthenretiredcomfortablyinahousethathad accrued value over a few decades. Then she got laid off. Suddenly, likemillions of people in their 40s and 50s, she found herself facing the dauntingtaskofstartinganewcareerorwhatpeoplearelabelingan“encorecareer.”Inhermid-50s,shehadtobe20again.She’snotalone.In2011,20percentofnewentrepreneurswerebetweentheagesof55and64.1Whilethemarketwillrecover,theidealswon’t.Thegovernment,thecompany,thehouse—youcan’trelyonthemforwarmthwhenyoutuckintoyour60sforalong winter’s nap. In addition, some experts believe the retirement age willeventually stretch to 70 or 80.2 That’s decades longer than the finish linemywife’s grandfather crossed. For a generation in their 50s, that means startingover.Foragenerationintheir30sand40s,thatmeansaimingforacompletelydifferentfinishline.Retirementisdead.

2.Hopeisboss.Doyouknowhowmanypeopleinmycollegegraduatingclassof1998launchedprojects to build wells in Africa? Do you know how many asked whatpercentageoftheirhoodiepurchasewasgoingtoHaiti?DoyouknowhowmanyworeTOMSshoes?Theanswer ineachcase iszero.Changing theworldwassomething you cared about eventually, not right away, and brilliant booksreflectedthat.InHalftime,BobBufordtoldBoomersthatafterspendingthefirsthalf of their lives focused on success, it was time to spend the second halffocusedonsignificanceandchangingtheworld.Ifyoutolda22-year-oldtodaythatbeforehecanchangetheworldhehastoworkfortwentyyears,he’dgiggleat you. Generation Y, and Generation X as they are inspired by the shift inculture,wantmeaningnow,noteventually.Hopeisboss.

3.Anyonecanplay.In2000,Ipaidadesigner$2,000tobuildmeawebsite.Hechargedbythepageand learnedhow todevelop itby readingabook.Abook! Isn’t thatadorable?WethoughtthedawnoftheInternetremovedallthegatekeepers.Itdidn’t.Itjustintroduced new gatekeepers. Like developers and designers and social media

experts.Those days arewaning, though.Moms aremakingmillions onblogs.TeenagersarestartingbusinessesonFacebook.PeoplearebuildingempiresonPinterest.Specialists still exist,but technology is finallyavailable to theentirepopulation.Anyonecanplay.I’mnotafuturist.I’mapresentist,whichisn’tevenarealwordbutsoundslesslame than “right nowist.” Those three forces I just described aren’t on thehorizon.They are the horizon—for you andme and anyonewho iswilling toescapeaverage.Asaresult,youcanbemoreawesome,moreoften,awholelotfastertoday.The Internet revolution isn’t over. It’s barely started.And one of the biggestthingsit’sdoneisradicallyshortenthepathtoreachingyourdreams.While the fives stages of awesome have held true for decades, reachingawesomeusedtobeprimarilyapost-midlifeaccomplishment.Youhadtogainexperienceplusearnmoneyorpedigreeordegreesfrominstitutionswheretheywear ascots and play, not just eat, squash. The path to awesomewas decadeslongandtherewaslittleyoucoulddotoshortenit.Everyonehadtoputinhisorhertime.The Internet, and especially socialmedia, has changed that.You just have tofindyourstartingpointandstayontherightpath.In2008, I startedablog inmykitchen. Ididn’thavea fancydesign. Ididn’thave any photos. I didn’t have any sort of tech-savvy skills that made me aperfectcandidateforsocialmedia.IusedthefreetemplatethatBlogspotoffered,andIdidn’tevenstartwithanoriginalidea.TherewasanotherblogcalledStuffWhitePeopleLike. Itwasa satireofCaucasia. I thought itwouldbe funny tocreateaChristianversionofthatsite.SoIdid,withtheexpectationthatI’dgetboredofitinaweekortwoandmoveon.Afterall,theotherfiftyhorribleURLsI had registered at GoDaddy.com didn’t sustain a whole lot of momentum.“WordNinja.com”wentnowhere.I told100 friendsabout thesiteandstartedwritinggoofyparagraphs.On theeighthdayof its existence,4,000people fromaround theworld showedup toread it.Turnsout the100 friendshadpassed theURL to100 friendswhohadpassedtheURLto100friendswhoeventuallytoldpeopleinSingaporetoreadit.CanyouevenbegintofathomhowIwouldhavesharedmyideaswith4,000peopleineightdaysforfreethirtyyearsago?WhatwouldIhavedone,adoor-to-door marketing campaign? Me just knocking on people’s front doors andsaying,“Hi,Ihavesomeideasabouthowit’sweirdthatsomepeoplefronthug

youandotherpeoplesidehugyou.It’skindof this‘I likeyouenoughtogiveyouone armof appreciationbut let’s not get all crazy and embracewithbotharms.’CanIpleasecomesitinyourlivingroomandreadyousomeofmyotherideas?Whenwe’redone,doyoumindcallingyourfriendsonyourrotaryphone,whichisboltedtoyourkitchenwall,toletthemknowIamavailableforhomereadings of my ideas? Also, do you know anyone in other countries, likeSingaporeforinstance?Doyoumindgivingthemaringtoo?Thanks!”Thatwouldhaveneverworked.Andifthatweremyonlypathtoawesome,I’dstillbeontheaveragepath.Afewyearsago,youandIhadonlyafewchancestofindourpath toanawesomelife.Ultimately,youjusthopedyoupickedtherighttrackwhenyouwereyoungandgotabigbreakalongtheway.It’s not that we all chose average. No one aims for that in the beginning.Nobodysays,“I’mgoing tobeaverage forsixty-fiveyearsand thendie!”Butnotlongago,thepathtoawesomewassolongandarduousthatmostofuschosenottostart.That,orwetried,andfailed,tofindashortcut.Ilookedatlifethatway,too,until2008.That’stheyearIdiscoveredthepathtoawesomehadchanged.Namely,itwassomething that could be traveled much more quickly, before eyelid wrinklesstartedtoappear.Istartedbytakingsmallsteps—stepsthatIeventuallylearnedsocialmediacouldgreatlyaccelerate.Aftermyblogstartedtogrowalittle,Ithoughtitmightmakeforaninterestingbook.Havingspentadecadeontheaveragepath,Itriedaveryaveragewaytogetitpublished.Iaskedafriendwhoworkedatabigchurchifheknewanyoneatanyof themajorpublishers.Hehadafriendwhohadafriendatoneof thelargestpublishersontheplanet.Hetoldheraboutmybookideaandaskedifshewouldpasstheideatothepublisher.Shedid,andthisisherverbatimresponse:

Iactuallymentionedthis to thepublisher thismorningonacall Ihadwiththem, and to be honest, they feel pretty full up right now.Their recommendationwouldbe to continue to seehow theblog readershipgoes and perhaps explore connecting with a smaller, boutique publishinghousethatcouldgivehimtheattentionhewantsanddeservesifthisisindeedhiscalling.Notwhatyouwanttohear,butthatiswhattheysuggestedatthistime.

That’sfancytalkfor“no.”That’swhere theaveragepathgotme,and itmakes sense.Whodid I think Iwastowriteabook?I’dneverwrittenabookbefore.I’dneverspokenpublically

before.I’dneverdoneanythinginmyentirelifethatwouldmakemeattractivetoapublisher.IfIstayedontheaveragepath,thestepsI’dtaketogetabookpublishedwereprettyclear.I’dspendmy30sslowlybuildinganameformyself.I’dstartgoingtowriters’conferences.I’dbuyabigthickbookwithpublishers’addressesinitand mail off my manuscript a thousand times. I’d join a writers’ circle andmaybefigureoutawaytoself-publishafewofmyideasandcallthemscholarlyarticles. In my 40s, I’d keep plugging away at my manuscript, count myrejectionletters,growafrustratedwriter’sbeard,andhopethatinmy50sIhadpaid enough dues to get a book published. Inmy 60s, I’d then get to sit mygrandkidsonmyknee,setasidemycorncobpipe,and tell themanepic forty-year yarn called, “How Grandpa Finally Got His Book Published.” It wouldteachthemperseverance,theoretically.Ugh.That’stheaveragepath.Depressing,right?Fortunatelyforyouandme,we’regrowingupinthemiddleofarevolution.(Iuse thatwordsparingly.Wheneveranotherauthor tellsme,“This isn’tabook;thisisarevolution!”Iknowit’sjustabook.)Socialmedia gaveme a chance to build a platform.For free.Theonly costsweretimeandhustle.Socialmediagavemeaccesstoanaudience.Itgavemeapublicarenatohonemywritingskillswithinstant,internationalfeedback.Socialmedia offeredme an opportunity to become a legitimate authormuchsoonerthan50yearsold.Iacceptedthechallengeandjumpedinwithbothfeet.A few months later, my agent and I submitted my book proposal back topublishers. Only this time I included information about my blog audience.Number of readers, number of comments, number of fans in numbers ofcountries.Thatcompletelychangedtheconversation.Iwasnolongerinvisible.Iwasnolongeranobodywithanidea.Iwasawriterwith proven skills as evidenced by a quantifiable readership.As a result, twopublishers bid for the book. Guess who won? Guess who published my firstbook?Thesamepublisherwhoinitiallyrejecteditviamyfriend.Mystoryisn’tthatuniqueorthatimpressive.PebbleTechnology,thecompanythatcreatedacustomizablewristwatchthatfewhadeverheardof,raised$10.2millionfrommorethan68,000supportersonwww.kickstarter.com.3Theyraisedtheir first million in twenty-eight hours. Can you imagine how long it wouldhavetakentofind68,000donorswithoutthetoolsoftheInternet?

Clearlytherearenowwaystoaccelerateyourlifedownthepathtoawesome,evenifyouneverusesocialmedia.(Ifyoudecidetousesocialmedia,though,Iputmytoptentipsonpage239.)Onceyouknowhowthemapworks,youcanshorten the time you spend in each destination. You can game the map. Youdon’thavetowaituntilyouare50toharvest.Youdon’thavetowaituntilyouare40tobeanexpert.Andyoudon’thavetobe20tostartanewadventure.

WEALLUSEDTOBEAWESOMEAwesome isa lot simpler thanyou think,becauseyouused toknowawesomequitewell.Everyonedidatonepoint.Especiallywhenwewerekids.IwasremindedofthisonenightasIwaswalkingdownthehallathome.Mydaughters were brushing their teeth, an event that usually boils over to aninternationalcrisis.Thistime,though,theyweren’tfightingforsinkspace—theyweretalkingliterature.IheardL.E.,my9-year-old,saytoherlittlesister,McRae,“DidyouknowthattheguywhowroteTheTwitsalsowroteJamesandtheGiantPeach?”IheardMcRaerespond,“Iknow!Ilovethatguy.He’sgotagreatimagination,likeme.”Likeme.Whatapowerfuldeclaration.RoaldDahlhasbeencalled thegreatest storytellerofourgeneration.HealsowroteCharlie and the Chocolate Factory. He’s sold millions and millions ofbooks. And inMcRae’s little 6-year-oldmind, his imagination is on parwithhers.He’sherpeer.Youusedtobelievelike that too.Youusedto turnsticks intoswordsordirtyflip-flops into glass slippers. You climbed trees and made forts and thoughtbeingadoctorwasn’toutofreach.Nothingwasoutofreach.Then,somewherealongtheway,youlostit.Maybesomeonewhomattered toyou toldyou thatyourversionofawesomedidn’tmatter.WhenmyfriendLizwasintheeighthgrade,shelovedtodance.Itwasall sheeverdid.Oneday,hermompulledherasideandsaid,“Youknowyou’renotgoing tobeaRockette, right?Youknow that’snot in thecards foryou,right?”DoyouthinkLizdancedawholelotafterthat?Ofcoursenot.Shegaveupherdreamofawesomethatday.As a parent, I understand the temptation to tell your kid something like that.

You don’t want Simon Cowell to be the first person who introduces yourdaughtertotheideathatshecan’tsing.Butthere’saninherentproblemwiththisapproachtolife.Whenaparent,aboss,ateacher,aspouse,orafriendtellsyouwhat you can’t be, they’re predicting a future they don’t control. They don’tknowwhat25or35or55lookslikeforyou.Whatif,whenhedidn’tmakethevarsitybasketballteamhissophomoreyearofhigh school,Michael Jordan’s dad had pulled him aside and, putting his armaroundayoungMichael,said,“Youknowyou’renotgoingtoplayintheNBA,right?Youknowthat’snotinthecardsforyou,don’tyou?”Maybeyourmomnevertoldyouthatyourdreamwastoobig,butchancesareyou’vebeentellingyourselfthatforyears—maybedecades.Thewayyourbraindevelopedcertainlyhasn’thelpedthecause.Whenyouwereyoung,yourrighthemisphereor“rightbrain”wasinfullforce.Itwastheguyincharge,anditwasthepartofyourbrainthatembracedcuriosityandadventureandwasconstantlyunafraidtoaskWhy?andWhynot?Yourbrainwasthiswaywhenyouwereachildbecauseyouwerelearningatarapidclip.Youwerelearninglanguageandthelawsofphysicsandtheelementsofbalance.Youhadtobeunguardedsoyoucouldabsorbeverything—evensomepainhereandthere—soyouwouldknowhowtothriveinthislandcalledlife-outside-the-womb.Butasyougrewolder, theotherhemisphere, the“leftbrain”began togainavoice. Itbegan to say things like, “That’s impossible,”or, “Theywill laughatyou,” or, “Don’t be foolish.” Your left brain plays an important role in yourthinking because it is the voice that teaches you to not touch the hot stove orjumpoffthetopstairlikeyouareasuperhero.Unfortunately,itcanalsomakeaverylogicalandcompellingargumentthatwhatitsaysisfinal.Aswegrewup,mostofuscametobelievetheleftbrain’sassertions,andasaresultwelostthesense that awesomewas around the corner. Instead,we started to believe thatawesomewasnotinthecardsforusorthatitwasillogicalorsimply“childish.”The good news iswe can recover those childlike notions of grandeur.But ittakesmore thansimplyacting likeachildagain.Youknowsome thingsasanadultthatyoucouldn’thaveknownasachild.Andyoupossesssomeskillsthatno child can develop.While I encourage you to think likemy daughter doesaboutthefamousauthor—becauseyourperceptiondoestrulyfuelyourreality—thebestnewsisthatnowyoucanapplythatthinkinglikeanadult.Theroadtoawesomeisstillaccessible.Now,asanadult,youhavethetoolstoheaddownitimmediately.

We’ve been told our whole lives that our 20s are when we begin down ourcareerpaths.Andour60saretheendoftheroad.Butthattimelineisnolongertheonlyvalidone.Infact,thattimelineisnolongertypical.Ageisnolongertheprimaryfactorthatdetermineswhereyouareonthemap.Lifeisnowlessabouthowoldyouareandmoreaboutwhenyoudecidetolive.Ifyou’re45and lookingforacareershiftafter realizingyoudon’t lovewhatyoudo,you’rebackinyour20s.It’stimetostart.If you’re 33 and haven’t found something you’re really passionate about,you’restillinyour20s.It’stimetostart.Ifyou’re52andembarkingonanewcareerbecauseyourjob(andmaybeyourentireindustry)disappeared,you’vereturnedtoyour20s.It’stimetostart.Ifyou’re22,wellthatoneseemsreallyobvious,doesn’tit?You’reliterallyinyour20s.It’stimetostart.Regardlessofyourageorstationinlife,itallcomesdowntoonesimpletruth:youjusthavetostart.

2:TheStart

2

THESTART

INCHAPTER3,WE’LLPIÑATAFEAR,butfornow,pleaseknowthis—it’sschizophrenic.Fear tends toarguebothsidesof thecoin, leavingyouabsolutelynoroomtostand.Herearetwoofthecompleteoppositethingsitwilltellyou:“Don’tchaseyourdreamatall.”And,“Ifyouchaseyourdream,youhavetodoitallatonce.”Doyouseetheabsurdityofthat?“Don’tdoit!Don’tdoit!Don’tdoit!”fearscreams.Then,whenyouignorethosecries,fearchangesitstacticandscreams,“Doitallatonce!Doitallatonce!”Bothofthosestatementsarelies.Asyoustandwithonefootstillontheroadtoaverageandonefootontheroadtoawesome,you’vegot tokill thoseconcerns.Fortunately, there’s a trick thatwilltakecareofthemboth.Juststart.It’sgoingtobeatinystart.Asmallstart.Amovethesizeofthefrozenyogurtsamplecupstheygiveyou,eventhoughtheyknowyou’resecretlygamingthesystem and trying to eat your body weight in tiny portions of Cable CarChocolatebeforetheycatchon.You’rejustgoingtobeaStarter.Thestartinglineistheonlylineyoucompletelycontrol.Thestartistheonlymomentyou’rethebossof.Thefinish?Don’tkidyourself.That’smonths,ifnotyears,away.Youaregoingtomeetdozensofpeoplewhoaregoingtoimpactyourfinish.Youaregoingtohave countless opportunities, experiences, and challenges that dot themap ofawesome you’re following. There are cliffs and rivers and jungles you can’tbegin to fathom. You are going to stand on amountaintop that is better thananythingyoueverdreamedandlaughattheideathatyouthoughtyoucouldplotoutyourfinish.Thestart?Youownthat,son.That’syours.Every industry on the planet is litteredwith examples of this truth. Take the

Segway, for instance. Do you remember those? That device was supposed tochangethewaywewalked.Oneexpertsaid,“Ifenoughpeopleseethemachine,youwon’thavetoconvincethemtoarchitectcitiesaroundit.It’lljusthappen.”That quote is crazy because the expert didn’t say, “Builders will constructhousesaroundit.”Theysaidpeoplewill“architectcitiesaroundit.”Wholecitieswill be impacted by thismachine.Not homes.Not streets.Entire cities.Whomadethatoutlandishclaim?AguynamedSteveJobs.Ifanyoneshouldbeabletopredictfinishlinesit’shim,buthecouldn’t.1Thesameistrueinpublishing.KathrynStockett’sbest-sellingbook,TheHelp,was rejected sixty times before it got published. Sixty different people said,“Thisbookwillneverfinishwell.”2Theywereallwrong.SowasmyfriendTim.(NamechangedbecauseI’mabouttoembarrasshim.)He’sanauthor,andheendorseseverybookthat’ssenthisway.He’sprobablyendorsedfortydifferentbooksinthelasttwoyears.Heneversaidno.Finallyhefoundonethathethoughtwasalittletoocheesy.Hedidn’twanthisnameonthebackcoverofthatone.Sohepassed.Heturneddownoneendorsementin2011.Wanttoknowthenameofthebook?HeavenIsforReal.Itsoldmorethantenmillioncopies.Sonypickedituptoturnintoamovie.Hecouldhavehadhisnameadvertised to tenmillionreaderswholikebookssimilartothekindhewrites.Buthedidn’tseethatfinish.Andneitherwillyou.It’simpossibletoaccuratelypredictthefinish.Partofthereasonit’ssodifficultis that the path often radically changes by the timewe get to the end. That’scertainlybeenthecaseinmyownlife.

I’MONTHENEWSIt was midnight and I was pacing nervously in a New York hotel trying tomemorizefivenames.TheyweregiventomeoverthephonetwohoursearlierandifImessedthemupinthemorning,millionsofpeoplewouldknow.“Don’tgoviralforthewrongreasons,”mywifesaidtomeasIleftNashvillethatmorning.Thatwasmyfear—thatinfivehourswhenIwasonthenationalnewsstation,I’dthrowupinmysleeveorfalloverorbesosweatywithanxietythatI’dslideright off the couch.The hostwouldwatchmeglide down to the floor and beforced to cover my unexpected exit by saying, “I thought Gary Busey was a

squirrelyinterview,butJonAcuff...”And then therewere those fivenames, thenamesof companies theproducerwantedmetotalkabout.Iwasgoingontheshowtotalkaboutfivecompaniesthatwere hiring right then.The only problemwas that I’d never heard of thecompanies.Fast-forward a few hours, and Iwas sitting on a couch inmakeupwith fourKia-sizedcameraspointedatme.Thehostsweresittingnexttome,prettierandhandsomerthanyoucanpossiblyimagine.Oneoftheguyslookedlikeamoreattractive Ryan Reynolds. The woman next to me, who was probably asupermodelinherofftime,askedmemyquestion:“Whatcompaniesarehiringrightnow?”Irattledoffthefivenames.Istuckit likeanOlympicgymnast.Boom!Worstpartisover.Thensheaskedhernextquestion.“Whattypesofjobsaretheyhiringfor?”Wait—what?What typesof jobs?Idon’tknow.Ididn’tknowthesecompaniesexisteduntilsevenhoursago.Unfortunately,whenyou’reonthenewsandyou’reanexpertathelpingpeoplefind their dream job, you can’t say, “No clue.Good ones, I hope. Is it hot inhere?Everyonesureispretty.”So likeadeercaught inhigh-definitionheadlights, Iblinkeda few timesandthrew out the only thing I could think of: “All types. From entry level toexecutive.”Yes!Coveredthewholerangeatonce.That’sgottobetrue,right?Atleastoneof those companies ishiringa janitor, andat leastone ishiring someonewhowearspleatedpantsandhasacarwithamahoganysteeringwheel.Iwasoutofthewoods,orsoIthought.Thenthenewscasteraskedmeanotherquestion:“IfIdon’tliveinoneofthestatesthatthesecompaniesarelocatedin,howdoIfindoutaboutthesejobs?”Seriously?Youarekillingme, lady!HowdoIknow?Idon’tevenknowwhatstatesthesecompaniesarein.Didwegotocollegetogether?Isthatwhatthisisabout?Iwasajerktoyouincollege,andlikeabadABCdrama,you’veslowlyplannedrevengeagainstmetheselastfourteenyears?Nowyourplanhasfinallycome to fruition. I’mwearingmakeup (something no one tells you that you’llhavetodowhenyouwriteabook)onnationaltelevision,andyou’rethrowinghaymakersatme.Allright,let’sdothisthen.“Well,thebestwaytofindoutinformationaboutthejobsthatareavailableis

viathecompany’scorporatewebsite.That’sgoingtobeyourbestbet.”AndIwasout. Iwas feelingokayabout thatanswer. Itwasn’t thegreatest; Iessentiallysaid,“Google.You’regoingtowanttoGoogleitup,ma’am.”Then,as Iwalkedoff theset,had themakeupartist remove the layerofbasefrommy face, and stepped into a limousine for the ride back toLaGuardia, Ithoughttomyself,ThisisexactlyhowIthoughtthingswouldgowhenIstartedmyblog.Sitting there inmykitchen,writing that first200-wordpost, Iknew that fouryearslaterI’dbesittingonacouchtalkingwithmillionsofpeople.IknewI’dgofromdoingzeropublic-speakinggigsin2007tospeakingto80,000peoplein2011.IknewI’dwritefourbooksandeventuallybeforcedtoshavemyunibrowintotwodistincteyebrowsbecausethecamerahatesamanwithasinglebrow.IthappenedjustasexactlyasIplanned.Onlyitdidn’t.Filingpaperworkinacubiclefortenyearsdidn’tgivemeanyindicationofthechanges thatwouldoccuronce I started.Thefinishwasunclear. Ihadno ideawhereitwouldalllead.AndI’msoglad,becausethetruthis,thesurpriseslifegivesarealwaysbetterthanthethingsyouthinkyouseecoming.Publishingabookwasasurprisetome.MovingtoNashvilletoworkforDaveRamsey was a surprise to me. Building two kindergartens in Vietnam was asurprisetome.AndifItoldyouthosewerethingsIcarefullyplannedalongmycareerpath,Iwouldbea liar.Thebest things thathavehappenedtomein thelastfiveyearsweren’tthingsIplanned.ButIwastheonewhotookthatfirststepacrossthestartingline.Theonewhosaid,“Let’sseewherethisgoes!”That’s the tension you’ll have to face. You have to work incredibly hard onyourstart.Youhavetobedeliberateandintentionalandfocused.YouhavetobeaStarter.Andthenyouhave tobebraveenoughandpreparedenoughtoreactwhenasurprisepresentsitself.WhenDaveaskedmetothinkaboutjoininghisteam,hedidn’tcallmeoutoftheblue. I’dspoken tohisentire teamthree timesalready. I’dspent twoyearsinteractingwith his company. I’d been on the road bookingmyown speakinggigs,writingmyfirstbook,andlearningasmuchasIcouldonmyown.I’dbeenstarting.Whenheofferedmeajobandapathdivergedbeforeme,Iwasready.I’dspenttwoyearsstarting,andIwasreadytorunoncethenextlegofthejourneycameintoview.

DON’TPLANYOURLIFELIKEIUSEDTOPLANMYSPEECHESOneafternooninAtlanta,aguynamedLannygavemesomehorriblefeedback.I’dspokenattwocampshe’dputonforabout5,000students,andhehadsomeevaluationsheneededtogooverwithme.Thefeedbackwashorriblebecauseitwastrue.AccordingtoLanny,tentofifteenpeoplewhosawmespeaksaidthatI“lackedpassion” for my material. He said they felt like it was a performance, notmaterialIwasreallypassionateabout.I sat there a little stunned at first. I like to get feedback that says, “You’reawesome. Almost too awesome. You don’t need spotlights on you when youspeak because the glow of your greatness illuminates the stage.” And thisfeedbackwasnotthat.ThecrowdthoughtIwasfake.TheythoughtIwasgoingthroughthemotions.TheythoughtIwasperformingwordsI’dmemorized.Andthesadthingis,theywereright.Atthetime,Iwaspracticingmyspeecheseighttotentimespergig.I’dstandinmyoffice, faceout thewindowtoward theCrackerBarrelnextdoor,anddoafulldryrunofeachspeech.OverandoverIwouldpracticeuntilIkneweverylineofmyforty-five-minutespeech.I’ddoallthehandmotions,timemyself,andevengivepausesfortheinvisiblecrowdtolaughinmyoffice.(InvisiblepeoplethinkI’mhilarious!)IpracticedthiswaybecauseIdidn’twanttofeeloutofcontrolonstage.IwassoworriedaboutmakingamistakethatItightlyclutchedmyhandsaroundmyspeech. I had it perfectly manicured so I could control every second. Nosurprises.Lannypickeduponthatandgavemesomeadvice:“Jon,yourspeechesaresoover-structuredthatyou’renotleavinganyspaceinthemforsomethingnewtohappeninthemoment.That’sthebestpartofaspeech,whensomethingbrandnewappears.Whenthere’sasurprisethatboththeaudienceandthespeakergettoshare.That’swhatconnectsanaudiencewithaspeaker,thefeelingthatyou’regoingonajourneytogether,creatingsomethingtogether,andneitheroneofyouknowsexactlywhereit’sgoingtogo,butyou’llenduptheretogether.”GivingaspeechthatwaytakesacourageIdidn’thaveatthetime,andsodoestakingyourfirststepontheroadtoawesome.Average is so popular because average is familiar. We all know how to doaverage.Ninety-ninepercentofthepeopleontheplanetdoaverage.Theroadis

wellworn,thedecisionsareobvious,andthenextstepsarecrystalclear.Awesome?It’salittledangerous.Theremaybedragonsinthosewoods(spoileralert:thereare).Therearefoggymorningsandcloudynights.Sometimesyou’renotcompletelysureaboutyournextstepuntilyoutakeit.Average is predictable. Awesome is adventurous. So when faced with thedecisiontobeawesomeorstayaverage,mostofusoptforthefamiliar,forthecomfortable. Oh, we like the idea of an awesome adventure, but most of usdefaulttotryingtomanicuretheroadtoawesomesoit’sassafeandpredictableastheroadtoaverage.We want to plan the road to awesome. We want to talk about our ten-yearvisions.Wewanttodetaileverystepbeforewetakeasingleone.Tomakesurethere’snoroomformistakesorfailure.Butwhenwedothat,whenwesqueezeourlivesandpurposesthattightly,weeliminateanyroomforsurprises.Wedon’thavetimeforthem.Theydon’tfitwithinourplan.Theydon’thaveanyrunwayinourdaytolandon.Wescowlwhenpeopleinterruptwhatwe’redoingatwork,grumblewhenneighborswant to talkat themailbox,andcursemomentarydistractionstoadaywe’veplanned.Theroadtoawesome,though,isdefinedbythesurprises.It’snotablockinadowntowncitylaidoutlongagobymethodicalcityplanners.It’saramblingdirtroadwithtwistsandturnsthatofferssomethingnewateverycorner.Let’sleaveroomonourmapsforsomesurprises.

THISIDEACOSTME$2,310—PLEASEREADITCAREFULLYIftakingthefirststepontheroadtoawesomewereeasy,theneverybodywouldalreadybeon it.The road toaveragewouldbeempty,with just average-sizedtumbleweedsblowingalongataveragespeedsonaverage-temperaturedays.Thefirststepisn’teasy,though,andoneofthehardthingsisthatyouhavetogetcomfortablewithtension.Youhavetostepintotension.Youhavetobe:

arealistandadreamerpracticalandimpracticallogicalandillogicalYouhave tobebrutally realisticaboutyourpresentcircumstancesandwildlyunrealisticaboutyourfuturecircumstances.

Ifyoudon’t embrace this tension, ifyoudon’t accept it andmake itwork toyourfavor,you’llendupstealingmoneyfromyourgrandmother’schurch.That’swhathappenedtome.Sixyearsago,Iwasfeelingrestlessatmyjob.IfyoureadQuitter, thisisnotsurprisingtoyou.Ihadmadeabackwardcareermove—becauseIwreckedmyjobatHomeDepot—andendedupworkingatAfterHours.Thoughatfirstblushthat sounds like a ladies dance establishment, I assure you itwas not, thoughgivenmygreenbeltinKenpoIcouldprobablybeabouncerifIhadthetime.After Hours was actually a formalwear company that specialized in rentaltuxedos. If you’re playing along at home, Iwent from being one of the copychiefs at amultibillion-dollar national brand towriting product copy trying toconvinceteenagerstorentmypantsfortheprom.Likeaboss.During my less-than-lustrous career at After Hours, I decided to start an adagency.I’dworkedatasmallagencybeforeandthought,Howhardcanitbe?So I started one with a guy I knew from church. We got a whole bunch ofbusinesscardsprintedwithour logo thatkindof looked like theThunderCats,registeredourbusiness,andwentlookingforaclient.Wehadhugeaspirations.Weweregoingtobeamassiveagencywithhundredsofclients,adreammirroredbyourneed toorder thousandsofbusinesscards.Next step? Get someone to pay us to do whatever it is we thought we werecapableofdoing.OurfirstclientwasachurchinCharlotte,NorthCarolina.Mydad’sapastor,soI understood the mechanics of that world. We were able to convince anincrediblykindwomanatthechurchthatournewcompanycouldbuildthematop-notchwebsite.We put together an impressive proposal, andwe agreed tobuildthesiteforaround$30,000.Thechurch,showingwisdom,didn’tpayustheentireamountup-frontandonlygaveusaninitialpaymentofabout$12,000.Then we got to work. I built a crazy site map, trying to make sense of thethousandsofdisconnectedwebpagesthischurchhad.Theyouthdepartmenthadbuilt theirownsite; thesenioradultshadtheirownsection;everyonewhohadaccesstoacomputerhadseeminglyaddedapagetothistangledmess.Ididmybesttomakesenseofitandthenturnedovertheprojecttomypartner.Thatlastparagraphmakesmesoundlikeagoodguy.Thetruthis,Ibailedontheproject.Iwalkedawayandlefthimcompletelyinthe lurch. It was a train wreck, and I thought that maybe my partner couldmagicallymakesenseofit.

Monthsintotheproject,afewrealitiesaboutmypresentcircumstancesstartedtocatchupwithme: Ididn’tknowhow to runabusiness. Ihadneverbuilt awebsitebefore.NeithermypartnernorIhadanywebdevelopingskills.Aftermanysweatynights,wedecided topull theplugand refund thechurchtheir remainingmoney. (Somehadbeen spentona third-partydesign firmwehadhiredtofixrealitynumber3.)In the meantime, my partner moved with his family to another state, and Iwaitedpatiently for thewhole situation to fade into the sunsetofmy life.Butlikeazombiewhocontinuestocrawlafteryouwithoutlegs,thatthingwasnotgoingawayeasily.Thechurchhadnotreceivedtheirrefundcheck.Mypartnerhadsolecontrolofthemoney.Icalledhimoverandoveragainanddidn’tgetaresponse.Istartedtohatehisvoicemailgreeting,whichplayedJohnMayer’ssong“WaitingontheWorldtoChange.”IwantedtopunchJohnMayerintheface.FinallyIgotthroughtohimandheagreedtoovernightthemoney.Twodays later, I got a voicemailwhile atmyday job: “Hi Jon, this isSara!Hopeyou’rehavingagoodday.Thecheckyousentusbounced.Pleasegivemeacallback.”Cuevomit.Thecheckwehadsent—tothechurchmygrandmotherhadattendedforthirtyyears—bounced.Themoneywasgone.Theaccountwasempty.Mypartnerhadspentit.Howhad thishappened? It’spainfully simple. Ibrokemyown rule: Iwasn’tbrutallyrealisticaboutmypresentandwaswildlyunrealisticaboutmyfuture.I got the second part right. I crushed that part! I had big, crazy, unrealisticdreams about my future circumstances. (Please refer to my note about thenumberofbusinesscardsweordered,mostofwhicharestillinmygarage.Oneday,whenI’mreally,reallyhuge,I’llsellthemoneBayformillions!)WhereIfailed,andwhereyouwilltooifyou’renotcareful,isthatIwaswildlyunrealisticaboutmyfutureandmypresent.Thatwasmybiggestmistake.Had I been brutally realistic aboutmypresentcircumstances,Iwouldhaverealized:

1.Ididn’tknowtheguyfromchurchthatwell.We’donlyknowneachotherfor six months. We didn’t have enough relationship equity to justify metrustinghimwithsolecontrolofallthemoneyforouradagency.

2. Ididn’thavemuch time todedicate to theagency. Ihada full-time job,a

family,andalotofotherresponsibilitiesI’dalreadycommittedto.3. Ididn’thaveanyof theaforementionedskillsneeded tomake thisprojectsuccessful.

HadIacceptedallthatandbeenhonestaboutmypresent,thatdoesn’tmeanIwouldn’t have started the agency.Not at all.That’s thegreatmisconception—thatifyou’rehonestaboutyourpresentyoucan’tbehopefulaboutyourfuture.Thatrealismhasnoroleindreaming.Realismwouldn’t havepreventedme fromchasingmydream; itwouldhaveprevented me from chasing the wrong dream. I would have done a differentproject.Iwouldhavesaidtothechurch,“We’renew;canwedoabetaprojectfor you? Something small like creating a new site for your preschooldepartment?Ifthatgoeswell,wecantalkaboutdoingabiggerproject.”I would have talked to mentors and friends about the challenges of twostrangers startingabusiness together.Thesizeandambitionofmydreams forthefuturewouldnothavechangedoneiota,buttheshapeofmypresentwouldhave.Mystartwouldhavelookeddifferent.Our contact at the church ended up being incredibly kind tome. Shewas ascrushedasIwasthatthemoneywasgone.SheactuallysaidthatIdidn’thavetopaytheremainingmoneyback.Butthatdidn’tseemright,somywifeandIsentthemacheckfor$2,310.Idon’tknowifthat’scarrying-aroundcashforyou—thekindofthingyouusetobuycashmeresockswhenyouwanttotreatyo’self—butattheAcuffhouse,thatissomeseriouscake.Peoplealwaystellyouthatfailureteachesyouthebestlessons,andthat’strue,butthatdoesn’tmeanIwanttolearnthatway.Ofthetwooptions—lose$2,310andlearnagreatlesson,orkeep$2,310andlearnagreatlesson—IknowwhichoneI’dpick.Don’tbedumblikeme.Iimploreyou.

DREAMHONESTLYBe brutally realistic when you answer the question from the first chapter,“Where am I right now?”Answering that question honestly is critical to yourcareerandmaybeevenyourwholelife.InGoodtoGreat, JimCollins tells the storyof JimStockdale, aUSmilitaryofficer who was held captive for eight years during the Vietnam War andtortured regularly. Collins asked Stockdale which soldiers didn’t make it out.Stockdaleanswered,

Oh,that’seasy.Theoptimists.Theyweretheoneswhosaid,“We’regoingtobeoutbyChristmas.”AndChristmaswouldcome,andChristmaswouldgo.They’dsay,“We’regoingtobeoutbyEaster.”AndEasterwouldcome,andEaster would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmasagain.Andtheydiedofabrokenheart.This isavery important lesson.Youmustneverconfusefaith thatyouwillprevailintheend—whichyoucanneveraffordtolose—withthedisciplinetoconfrontthemostbrutalfactsofyourcurrentreality,whatevertheymightbe.3

Avoidthetemptationtobelievethatbeinghonestaboutyourcurrentrealityissomehownottherightwaytodreambig.Don’tyoudarebelikemyfriendswhosay, “I’ve got $100,000 in student loans, but I’mgoing to pretend those don’texist and instead just dreamabout the future!”Honestly lookingatwhereyoucurrentlyareinlifeturnsyourpresentintoaplatformyoucanjumpfrominsteadofaprisonthatwillholdyouback.Ifyou’vegotbigbills,makebigsacrificesatthestart.Ifyoudecided tohave fivekids in the first tenyearsofyourmarriage,don’tthentellyourfamily,“Daddywantstodream.I’mgoingtoquitmyjob,startanorganic radish farm, and act like I’m a 19-year-old single guy with noresponsibilities.”Be honest about your present and turn it into a friend, like Ishouldhavewithmyapproachtostartinganadagency.This will not be easy because the world’s definition of dreaming is just theopposite. People will say things like, “Step out in faith,” or, “Follow yourdreamsandtheuniversewillopendoorsforyouwheretherewereonlywalls.”Thosekindsofideasmakeforamazingmugsbuthaveaprettyhorriblesuccessrate.Atbest,thoseideasarecodefor,“Don’tmakeanyplans,”andatworsttheyarecodefor,“Abandonyourcurrentcommitments.”You see the former in a million colorfully inspiring but ultimately emptysayings on Pinterest and Facebook. You see the latter exhibited in songs likeJohnMayer’s“WaltGrace’sSubmarineTest,January1967.”It’s a beautiful song and such a great example of why John Mayer is aconsummate storyteller (just not a good voicemail recording). In the lyrics,MayerpoeticallydescribesthelifeofWaltGrace,amanwhowas“desperatelyhating this whole place.” Walt decides to build a one-man submarine in hisbasement,“’causewhenyou’redonewiththisworld,youknowthenextisuptoyou.”Hesucceedsagainstalloddsandthenridesthesubmarineall thewaytoTokyo.Ittakeshimweeks,buthedoesit!Hooray,dreamfulfilled!Onlythere’s

aproblem.Walt’sahusband.Walt’safatherofafewkids.Inasongwemayhailhimasadreamer,butinrealitywe’dcallhimanabsenteefather.WhenMayersings,“hiswifetoldhiskidshewascrazy,”it’snearlyimpossibletoignorethesadnessofthatpicture—thepictureofamanwhowas“done”withaworldthatincludedhiswife and children, sohebuilt a “home-made, fan-blade, one-mansubmarineride.”4The world’s definition of dreaming is often incredibly selfish. It involvesignoringeveryoneyouknowandlove.Workingonsomeprivatepassioninthedepthsofyourbasement.Goingoffonanadventurewithoutanyoneelse.Andthenweekslaterlettingpeopleknowyou’renotdead.Wetellthatstoryinpopularculturesooften,westarttobelievethatdreamingorwalking down the road to awesome is an inherently selfish idea.As if youonly have two options: abandon every commitment you have and dream, orresignyourselftoanaveragelifeinordertohonoryourcommitments.What if therewas a thirdway?Away to honor all your commitments evenwhileyoucompletelychangeyourlifeandtheworldintheprocess?Whatifyoudon’thavetobeanabsenteedad,abademployee,orafailureofaspousetochaseadreamwithmoreintensitythanyoucanevenimagine?Whatifyoucouldstarttoday?Youcan,regardlessofyourcurrentcircumstances.Butfirst,you’vegottodealwithaverybigwall.

(P.S. Starting with chapter 2, each chapter in this book will have acorrespondingsetofactionstepsintheback.Youcanfindthemonpage221.Ithought about weaving them into the book but realized that would wreck thenarrativeflow.Likerightnow.Wasn’tthatlastpartalldramatic?“You’vegottodeal with a very big wall.” It felt very “open the gates and seize the day,”Newsies-style, to me. And then I had to ruin it with tactical, practical actionsteps.Okay,publicserviceannouncementover.)

3:WhattoExpectWhenYou’reStarting

3

WHATTOEXPECTWHENYOU’RESTARTING

THISBOOKWOULD’VEBEENALOTEASIERTOWRITEifIcouldjustoutline how I foundmypurpose. I’d use a bunchofwords like life force anddestiny.I’dpulloutafewofthosereversesentencesmotivationalspeakerslikeme love: “Don’t just dare to dream—dream to dare!” I’d get some sort ofsignaturelook,maybeasuitcoatwithahoodinexplicablysewnonthebackandawatchyoucanonlygetinsouthernNorway.AndthenI’dgoonsomesortof“power up” tour around the country where I’d offer self-help advice like thebackofashampoobottle.

Findyourtruepurpose.Beyourtruepurpose.Liveyourpurpose.Repeatasnecessary.And I’m not above that—let’s be perfectly clear about that right now. I lovebooks like that. They’re notmessy.And I tried towrite that book telling youhowtofindyourpurpose,butIkeptrunningintoonebigproblem.Ididn’tfindmymine.IwishIhad.AsImentioned,Iwent toVietnamonce,andthatwouldhavebeenprettydramatic,especiallybecauseit’snotoneofthethree big “find yourself in Europe countries” (Italy, England, France). But Ididn’tfinditthere.MywifeandIraised$60,000tobuildtwokindergartenstherewithhelpfromthereadersofmyblog.Whentheschoolswerefinished,wevisitedthem.Onehot afternoon in November, after the aforementioned run-in with the Frenchmotorcyclists,westeppedoutofanoldLandCruiserintothefrontcourtyardofakindergarten.There were hundreds of giggling children, dozens of parents, and a few

chickensgatheredfortheopeningceremony.Thelocalministerofeducationwasthere and promptly toldme I looked like PrinceWilliam.He probablymeant“skinny and pale,” butmyVietnamese is no good so I’mgoing to assume hemeant“tallandregal.”Beforewewentthroughthegatesoftheschool,Istoppedinthedrivewayandlookedat thebuilding.Thereweresixclassrooms,aseparatekitchenbuilding,and a bathroom. I resisted the urge to immediately say, “InAmerica, $30,000wouldn’tevenbuyyouaniceToyotaSequoia.”InsteadIjuststoodthere,inawethatagroupofstrangersonabloghadhelpedmakethispossible.Iwascontenttoleaveitatthat,tojustcherishthatmomentlikeaSuccessoriesposter.Butoutofnowhere,fivewordspoppedintomyhead.Andtheywerethewordsthatwouldforeverruinmyabilitytotellyouhowtofindyourperfectpurposeinlife:HowdidIgethere?Thetruthis,Ididn’tknow.Icouldlookbackontheyearsleadinguptothekindergartensandexplainthemin20/20hindsight,but theoverwhelmingrealitywas that Ididn’tknowhowIhadcometobestandingonamountaininVietnam.Ididn’tknowhowblogreadershadcometogethertochangeanentirevillagethey’dneverevenheardof.Ididn’tknowhowI’dlandedhalfwayaroundtheworldtositatatablewhileschoolchildren sang songs of celebration about finally having a school theycouldattend.Ididn’tfigureoutmypurposeandthenexecuteit.Ididn’twrite“Vietnam”onawhiteboardinAtlanta,scribbledown“NashvilleandDaveRamsey,”add“Writethreebooks,”thenproceedtotakedeliberatestepstomyverycrystalclearfinishline,finallycrossingitexactlythewayIplannedallalong.Itdidn’thappenthatway.Notforme.Andtruly,notformostofusifwearehonest.Butwhenwetalkabout“findingourpurpose,”wethinkitwillhappenlikeclockwork,becausemostofusbelievetheseliesaboutpurpose:

Everyonebutyouknowsexactlywhathisis.Idon’tknowexactlywhatmineis.IhavearoughsenseofahandfulofthingsIthinkareawesome,butIdon’tknowmyperfectpurpose.There.Disprovedthatone.(Ihopetherestarethiseasy.)

You’llonlyhaveone.I blame any romantic movie where someone is running in an airport for thisbelief.Thisisthe“soulmate”conceptoffindingyourpurpose.Yougetone,andyou’lljust“knowitwhenyouknowit.”ThatandtheamountoffireworksthatwillgooffandtheNatashaBedingfieldsongyou’llhearinthebackgroundwillbeyourclue.Nonsense.

Youshouldhaveitfiguredoutbythetimeyou’re22yearsold.

Sureyouwill.AndyourSATscoremattersalottoo.Ican’ttellyouhowoftenmySATscorecomesupasa37-year-old.Seemslikethat’sthefirstthinganyonewants to know. People are always saying to me, “Your job experience looksgreat,loveyourresume,goodreferences,butwhenIsay,‘Orangeistowrenchasblueisto________,’whatdoesthatmeantoyou?”Mostpeopledon’thavetheirpurposefiguredoutby22.

Itchangeseverythinginstantly.Yourstepwillbelighter.Colorswillseembrighter.Evenfoodwilltastedifferentonce you find your purpose. You know how you don’t like the texture ofstrawberries?All those little bumpy thingsmost people are able to ignore butyou find disconcerting? Don’t worry about them. As soon as you find yourpurpose,everythingchanges,includinghowstrawberriesfeelinyourmouth.

You have to know the finish line before you cross thestartingline.

InThe 7Habits ofHighly Effective People, author StephenCoveywrote thathabitnumbertwois“Beginwiththeendinmind.”1Icompletelyagree.It’sgoodto keep the end in mind. But since that book came out, we’ve mutated thatthoughtinto:“Beginwiththeendinstone.”Asifbeforeyoutakeasinglestepyouhavetoknowexactlywhatyourfinalstepwillbe.That’sthebiggestlieofallwhenitcomestofindingyourpurpose.

Theresultoftheseliesisthatmostofushaveforgottensomethingcritical.Purposeisnotafinaldestination.Oneoftheworstthingsyoucandoistrytofindyourpurposeinlife.Nothingcripplesyou like trying to“findyourpurpose,”or“figureoutyourdream,”or“nameyourpassion.”

Regardlessof thewordsyouuse, it’sallnonsenseandnoneof it everworks.Here’swhy:

Itputstremendouspressureonyou.Soallyouneed todo rightnow is sitdownwithablankpieceofpaperoranemptyjournalandcomeupwiththeoneideathatwillguidetherestofyourtimeonthisplanet?Awesome.

Itbecomesanidol.AssoonasIfindmypurpose,therestofmylifewillfallintoplace,myworrieswillvanish,andeverymorningIwillboundoutofbedwithhope inmyheartandjellybeansinmyeyes.

Itstopsyouinyourtracks.Until you findyour one true purpose, you can’t get started ondoing anythingelse.Assoonasyougetit,you’llstartsprinting,butuntilthen,stayrightwhereyouare.Forthesereasonsandmore,I’mnotafanof“findingyourpurpose.”I’mafanof“livingwithpurpose.”Livingwithpurposeallowsyouto:

Starttoday.There’snowaitingperiod.It’snotaspringboard.It’safilterforeverythingyouencountereveryday.Waiting to findyourpurpose tomorrow isagreatway toensureyoudon’tlivewithpurposetoday.

Startwhereyouare.Youcan livewithpurposeasadad,asanemployee,asacollegestudent,asafriend,orasanythingelse.

Startonwhatmatterstoyou.Whyevenpretend thatyou’regoing to findone thingandone thingonly thatyoulovedoingfortherestofyourlifeattheexclusionofallothers?Don’tgetlocked into a single purpose statement that suffocates you. Livewith purposeand enjoy a thousand different passions as you continually walk the road toawesome.

Therealityisthatmanyscientistsbelieveourbrainsaren’tevendonephysicallydevelopinguntilwe’reinourmid-20s.Therefore,theideathata19-year-oldiscapableofchoosingaperfectmajorandaperfectpurpose thatguides thenextfiftyyearsoftheirlifeisabsurd.Andthat’sjustyourbrain.Whataboutyourheart?Whataboutyourpassions?Whataboutyourdreams?Whendothosestopdeveloping?Yourmid-30s?Yourmid-50s? Hopefully never. So then why do we think we’ll find a singularpurposethatwillguideusforever?Forget findingapurpose. It’s anever-ending story thatwill leaveyouempty.Livewithpurposeinstead.Get up and go to work with purpose. Handwrite three thank-you notes toemployeestoday.Playwithyourkidswithpurpose.Applythesamecreativityandenergyyouuseforprojectsatworktoyourplaytimewithyourkids.Create“familygoals”like“Walkmykidstoschoolfiftytimesthisyear.”Love your spouse with purpose. Go on dates, don’t wait for moments toreconnecttohappennaturally,andencouragethemwithintentionality.Vacationwithpurpose.Turnoffyouremailforlongerthantwelvesecondsandrealizenoonediedduringyourabsence.Dreamwithpurpose.Followtheactionstepsinthebackofthisbookinsteadofjustreadingitandputtingitrightbackonashelf.Whatever you’re going to do, do itwith purpose.Not as if purpose is a keyyou’re going to find in the bottomof a trunk of old sweaters, but rather as ifpurposeisanapproachtolifethatcanshapeeverythingyoudo.

THEGREATWALLHowwillyouknowwhenyou’re livingwithpurpose insteadof trying to findpurpose?When you stopworrying about the greatwall of purpose. Thatmayfeel impossible at first because it’s somassive. It stretchesmiles andmiles ineitherdirection.It’s1,000feettallanddisappointinglyclosetothestartingline.Itstandslikeasentinelonthepathtoawesome.Wecan’tdigunderit.Wecan’tscaleit.Wecan’tbreakthroughit.Butthereisadoorrightthereinthemiddleofthewall.Youcansee the landofawesome through thekeyhole.Youcanhearawesomeifyouputyourearagainstthedoor.Youknowawesomeisjustontheotherside.Butthegreatmisconceptionisthatyouneedakeytoopenthedoor.Youdon’t.Thedoorisunlocked.Youjustneedtoturntheknobandwalkthroughit.That’s thefirstsecretaboutpurpose.Thedoorhasbeenopenthewhole time.Pushthedooropenandtakethenextstepintoawesome.Thesecondsecretaboutpurposeisthatitusuallyfindsyou.Purposeisattractedtomotion.Purposeisattractedtomomentum.Purposelovestosurpriseyoumid-stride.Veryrarelywillitgreetyouonyourfrontdoorstep.Moreoftenthannot,you’llencounterpurposeinthemiddleoftheroadwhenyouleastexpectit.Sostart.Thedoorhasalwaysbeenopen.ButImustwarnyou.Themomentyoudecide,“I’mgoingtolivewithpurposetodayinsteadoftryingtofindmypurposesomeday,”you’llbetemptedtolookforshortcuts.NowthatyouarefreetostartdownthepathofLearning,youmaywanttoturnthatfreedomintoalicensetojumpahead.Don’t.Itneverworksout.

SHORTCUTSIdon’tknowaboutyou,butIamexhausted.Weescapedaverage.Tookourfirststeptowardawesome.Openedthedoorinthegreatwallofpurpose.It’sbeenanarduousfewhours.Andnowwe’reontheedgeofthelandofLearningandthehorizonlooksmassive.Want to jump right over the first three destinations and land in Harvesting?Wouldn’t you rather leap from the start straight into the land where it rainsmoney?Iwould.Andifyou’dpreferthattoo,congratulations,you’rehuman.Weallwantashortcut.Whenconfrontedwithworkandareward,weallwouldprefertherewardfirstoratleastassoonaspossible.Butthepathtoawesomedoesn’tworkthatway.Askanyhonestsageiftheywereanexpertatsomethingthefirsttimetheytriedit,andthey’llgiggleandprobablygiveyouacaramel.We all search for shortcuts.We all secretly hope there’s a back door to ourdreams.Butthere’snot,evenifyou’reGwynethPaltrow.SheisintheMasteringstagewhenitcomestoacting.She’swonanOscar,beeninmorethantwentymovies,andmarriedsomebodyfamous.Iguessthatlastonedoesn’tmakeyouagreatactress,butitfeltrelevantsomehow.Onedayshedecidedshewantedtobeamusiciantoo.Shesigneda$900,000recordingdealwithAtlantic,starredinamoviecalledCountryStrong,playedattheCountryMusicAwards,andplannedherdebutalbum.Yearslater,thealbumisnowheretobeseen,CountryStrongwasabox-officefailure,andGwynethisn’tdoingmuchsinging.Why?She’snotyetaMasterwhenitcomestomusic.Despitehermoney,despiteherfame,despitehermarriagetothefrontmanofoneofthemostcelebratedbandsinthelasttwentyyears,shedidn’tgettoskipthelandsofLearningandEditing.WhetheryournameisGwynethPaltroworsomethingthatisconsiderablyeasierto spell, guesswhat?You’ve got to go through theLearning years of being amusician.You’vegottogothroughtheEditingyears,too,ifyoureallywanttoonedayenterthelandsofMastering,Harvesting,andGuidingandbesuccessfulthere.Gwyneth Paltrow can’t skip destinations on themap to awesome. You can’teither.(Anddon’tthrowBoJacksonatme.Heplayedfootballandbaseballhisentirelife.Thosewereparallelpassions,nothimdecidingat31thathewantedtostartanewone.AndIwillcrushyouwithBoinTecmoBowl.)Soifyou’vespentthelasteightyearsbeinganaccountantandhavingsuccessat thatand thenyoudecide tobeawriter,giveyourself somegrace.Youmay

havebeenagreataccountant,but ifyouwant tobeawriter, it’s timetobe20again.Thetruthis,ifyouwanttoreachthelandofHarvesting,ifyouwanttobemoreawesome,more often, you have to go through the lands ofLearning, Editing,andMasteringeachtimeyoupursuesomethingnew,whetherit’samajorpursuitoraminorone.Youhavetoworkhardandsacrificeandleanintoyourparticularbrand of awesome with energy and enthusiasm. Anytime you use the wordsacrificeinabook,youshouldimmediatelyoffsetitwithsomethingencouragingsopeopledon’tthrowyourbookdownandgoplayWiiFit.So here it is: You can’t skip stages, but as I said earlier, you can acceleratethem.Therearefourwaystoshortentheamountoftimeyouspendineach.

1.Startearlier.Inhisbest-sellingbookOutliers,MalcolmGladwellreferencesastudythatDr.K.AndersEricssonconducted.EricssonisaSwedishpsychologistandConradiEminentScholarandisrecognizedasoneoftheworld’sleadingresearchersonthe scienceof expertise.Gladwellwrote about the “10,000-hour rule,” an ideathatEricssonputforththatstatesthatexpertisetakes10,000hoursofpracticetoachieve(roughlytwentyhoursaweekfortenyears).2Sothenwhy,asGladwellprofiled,didBillGatesbecomeBillGatesorTigerWoodsbecomeTigerWoods?Inpartbecausetheystartedearlierthanotherpeople.Tigerhadagolfclubinhishandwhenhewasatoddler.Gatesstartedprogrammingcomputersattheageof13.Bythetimehewas6,Mozarthadpracticedanestimated3,500hours.3Turnsout the shortcut to greatness isn’t a shortcut at all. You just start earlier thaneverybody else. As a result, you are able to reach Editing, Mastering, andHarvestingmuchsoonerinlife.ItwasnoflukethatWoodswonTheMastersbya preposterous twelve strokes when he was only 21 years old. He’d beenLearning,Editing,andMasteringgolfforeighteenyearsbythen.

2.Standontheshouldersofgiants.I’mmorecomfortableonstageasapublicspeakerthanIshouldbebasedonthelimited amount of experience I’ve had, and that’s because ofmy dad. He’s apastor,andIspenteighteenyearswatchinghimpreach.Foralmosttwodecades,he showedmehow funandnormal itwas to standup in frontofhundredsofpeopleandshareideaswiththem.Ididn’tteachmyselfhowtobecalmonstage—mydadtaughtmethat,andI’mstandingonhisshoulders.If your dad was a professional baseball player and raised you in the locker

room,you’llhaveaheadstartonabaseballcareerifthat’sthepathyouwanttotake.You’llgrowupunderstandingthegameinawaymostpeoplewon’t.Ifyoubuildonhisfoundation,youmaygettothelandofHarvestingalotfasterthanotherpeople.Ifyou’vegotaparent,mentor,boss,orfriendwhoclearedthewayforyou,youmay be able to stand on the shoulders of a giant.And asAndy Stanley says,you’llgo“further,faster”thanyouwouldhaveonyourown.

3.Workharderandsmarter.I’venevermetafarmerwhowassurprisedbyhiscrops.Whostoodonafrontporch,inoverallsI’massuming,andstaredoutatacropofbloodorangeswhenheclearlyrememberedplantingsoybeans.Ifyouworkhard,youtendtoexpectresults. If you decide that you’ll spend ten hours a week on your path toexpertiseinsteadoftwenty,you’llgetthereslowerthansomeonewhoownsthetwenty andgets down tobusiness. If younowwant to tweet out, “Hardworkpaysoff,newthoughtby@jonacuff,”feelfree.

4.Harvestsomeoneelse’sfields.Gladwelldidn’tthrowoutthe10,000-hourruleasthedefinitivereasonthatBillGates became Bill Gates. In fact, he argued that “the biggest misconceptionabout success is thatwedo it solelyonour smarts, ambition,hustle, andhardwork.”4IfGateshadn’thadaccesstoacomputerwhenhewas13,itmayhavebeen difficult for him to accumulate 10,000 hours so quickly. He hadopportunities other people didn’t necessarily have. Or in other words, heharvestedfieldshedidnotplant.That happens sometimes in life.You get an opportunity that is beyondwhatyourexperienceyearswoulddictate.Someonetakesashotonyou.Againstalllogic,abossbelievesinyouandrisksaprojectunderyouryounglead.Afriendhasaconnectionatarecordlabel,andinonerelationalleapyouclearthedozensofhurdlesitusuallytakesforsomeonetohearyourdemo.There will be moments when you get to harvest someone else’s field andshorten a stage or two. We often call this someone’s “big break.” That’shappening tome right now.When he hiredme, Dave Ramsey tookme fromspeaking tocrowdsof100tocrowdsof10,000almostovernight. Ididn’tearnmywaytothatopportunity.Davespenttwentyyearsbuildinghisstageandthengraciously invitedme to join himon it.When I speak at aDaveRamsey liveevent,that’shisharvestthathe’sgenerouslydecidedtosharewithme.

DidIplantthefieldsDaveislettingmeharvestrightnow?Nope.ThatwasafinishlineIcouldn’thavepossiblypredicted.DidIcomeupwiththevisiontohavenewbrandslikemeathiscompany?Nope.DidI,throughmyhardwork,make Dave a generous leader who is humble enough to share the stage withsomeonewhotechnicallyhasn’tearnedit?Nope.ButguesswhereIwaswhenDaveinvitedmetothinkaboutjoininghisteam?Athisoffice. I’ddrivenup for the third time in twoyears to speak there.Forfree.I’dspentyearsbuildingabrand.I’dspentyearswritingablogandabook.I’dspentyearshustlingandworkingashardasIpossiblycouldinthelandsofLearningandEditing.Davedidn’tknockonmyfrontdoorandsay,“I’veneverheardofyou,butI’mhere tochangeyour lifewithanincredibleopportunity.”I’d already kicked down the door of purpose and started traveling the road ofawesome when I met Dave. He met me when I was already in motion. MyrelationshipwithDavewasn’taby-productofluck.Luckisawordpeoplewhoare lazy use to describe people who are hustling. If you ever taste it in yourmouth,spititoutasfastasyoucan.

Atfirstglance,twoofthosewaystoaccelerateawesomeshouldmakeyouhatemeat least a little. “Great!All I have todo tobe awesome is startmydreamwhenIwasatoddler!Fantastic.I’llgetatimemachine.AndIneedmydadtohavebeen a successfulmemberof the same exact industry I’mcurious about.Thanksforthehelp,Jon!”That’s not what I’m saying at all. You don’t need to go back in time to beawesome;youjusthavetostartrightnow.Regrettingthatyoudidn’tstartearlierisagreatdistraction frommovingonyourdream today,and the reality is thattodayisearlierthantomorrow.Asfarashavingamomordadwhoshowedyoutheropes,oragiantinyourlife,that’sfixabletoo.You’dbesurprisedhoweasyitistofindagiant,someonewhoisfartherdownthepaththanyou.Peoplewhoare awesomeare usually surprisinglywilling to share theirwisdom if you askhumbly.Youmay not be able to skip stages, but you’d be amazedwhat a differencehustle, hard work, and the steps we’ll discuss in this book canmake in yourabilitytoshortenthem.Justmakesurethatwhileyou’rehustlingyoudon’tstartthinkingyoudeservemorethanyoureallydo.

THEENTITLEMENTTRAPWhenitcomestoconferencespeakers,therearetwokinds:

1.Importantpeople

2.Peoplewhogetinterviewedonstage

Important people are generally great speakers who have done great things.MalcolmGladwell, for instance, is an important person. Youmay know him.I’vealreadyquotedhimtwice in thisbookandwillprobablyproceed todosoforty-sevenmoretimes.He’sgreatatthecraftofspeakingandhaswrittensomeofthebestbusinessbooksofthelastfifteenyears.The second category of conference speaker is someone who has donesomething amazingbutmaynot be a great public speaker. JoshHamilton, forinstance,fallsintothiscategory.WhenhewasonthemainstageattheCatalystConference, a 13,000-person leadership conference in Atlanta, he wasinterviewed.He’sdonesomethinggreat—hecamebackfromdrugaddictiontobecome aMajor LeagueAll-Star—but he’s not a professional public speaker.That’snothisgift.I like to think I’m in the first category—that I am an important person—butoccasionallyconferenceorganizersremindmethatIamnot.Viaemailmostly.While Iwaswriting this book, I found out that a conference Iwas going tokeynoteatdowngradedmetointerviewlevel.Now,clearlythat’sokaybecauseIhavesomewickedawesomestoriestotalkaboutfromthetimeIhitawalk-offgrandslamtobeattheYankees—Ilovetalkingabouthittingsomedingers!—butit’sdisappointingnonetheless.Upon receiving thisnews, that Iam interview levelandnot important-peoplelevel, Iwantedtorespondto theemailwith:“Areyoukiddingme?Interviewsareforcelebritieswhohatepublicspeakingbuthaveacompellingstorythattheworldisdyingtoknow.Interviewsareforpeoplewhoareunprovenonthemicandcan’tbetrustedwiththestage.Interviewsarethetrainingwheelsofpublicspeaking.I’mdoingwheelies,son.Frontandback!I’mready!”Except, I’mnot. I spokeprofessionally for the first time in2008.Since then,I’ve done it approximately 100 times.Sure, I’ve had a fewbigmoments, likespeaking to 10,000 people at a college, but is anyone who has only donesomething100timesreallyamaster?If I’mbeinghonest, I’mstill in the landofLearningwhenitcomes topublic

speaking.(Ifyou’rebookingmetospeak,pleasedon’tletthishonestyconfuseyouintopayingmeasmallerfee.)I’monlyinmy20swhenitcomestorockingthemic.AndthereinliesthegreatesttemptationmostofuswillfaceasweresideinthelandofLearning.Wewant to enterHarvestingwithout traveling through Learning, Editing, orMastering.It only takes a few steps into the land ofLearning for you to spot your firstentitlement ladder. It’s leaning therewithyournameon it. “Comeonover,” itwhispers. “You’ve worked hard enough; here’s a ladder to climb to the topimmediately.Thisisyourtime!”Igetthat—Ido.Idon’treallywanttolearnhowtobeagreatpublicspeaker.Idon’t reallywant to spend hours editing that skill. I don’twant to spend timemasteringit.I justwanttodoitafewtimes,haveeveryonerecognizemeasamaster,andthenenjoytherewards.Whydowethinkwecanskipthirtyyearsoflifeexperience?Ithinktherearealotofreasons,butherearethreereallyobviousones:

1.TheInternethaschangedourdefinitionofexpert.In 2012, a group called Invisible Children came out with a viral video aboutUgandan warlord Joseph Kony. There was a lot of opposition to their socialjusticemission, andoneof the sourcesquotedoftenwas ablogcalledVisibleChildren.Was the author of this blog—whommedia sources linked to as anexpert—a grizzled professor of Ugandan studies? Aman in his 60s who hadlived inUgandabefore returning to theUnitedStates towritebooksabout theunique challenges and opportunities the country faced? No, the author of theblogwasacollegesophomorefromCanada.Beseechedbymediainquiries,hehad to write posts on his blog that said, “I’m a second-year political sciencestudent, not an expert, and the audience for this post was a group ofapproximately thirty friends towhomitwasemailedoriginally.”5And,“TodayI’ve turneddownmediarequestsfromAlJazeeraEnglish,FOX,NBC’sTodayshow, and BBC World Service. Why? Because my opinion isn’t what’srelevant.”6Whatanhonestresponse,butitdoesrevealashiftinourculture.Twentyyearsago, do you know whom the BBC didn’t contact for expert opinions ongeopolitical issues in war-torn African countries? Sophomores at AcadiaUniversityinNovaScotia.

2.Wecelebrateaccomplishment-freecelebrities.It’simpossibletogotothegrocerystoreandnotbeconfrontedwithmagazinespromotingpeoplewhoarefamousforbeingfamous.Themessageissimple:youdon’t have to do anything to be considered important.Sure,we’vehadgossipmagazines and starlets likeMarilynMonroe for decades, butMarilynMonroewasalsointwenty-ninemovies.Shewasfamousbecauseshemademovies.

3.Everythingelseinlifeisinstant.IfyoueverplayedLittleLeaguesports,thenatleastfourteentimesyourcoachasserted,“Youplaylikeyoupractice.”Ifyouspendeighteenhoursgoofingoffand halfheartedly exercising during practice, you can’t suddenly flip a switchandbeamazingduringthegamethatweek.Yourpracticedetermineshowyouplay.This is trueofalmosteveryfacetof life.Sowhatarewepracticingrightnow as a culture? Everything should be instant. That’s the rallying cry ofsmartphonemanufacturers.“It’sthefastest4G!Yourbrand-newphoneisalreadysotensecondsago!”Andassoonasyoureachfast,youwantfasterrightaway,becauseyourdefinitionneverstopschanging.WhenIwasincollege,Iactuallysaidthissentencefairlyregularly:“Iwasn’table to get on the Internet today.” I said that sentence because it was true.ConnectingtotheInternetwasthisdifficult,crazy,chirp-filledexperience.Andifyouwerefortunateenoughtogeton,youwereconstantlyafraidthatyouwereabout to get kicked off. That AOL would unexpectedly tell you “Goodbye!”beforeyouwereready,forcingyoutostart thewholeprocessagain.ItwasthetechnologyversionofcrankingaFordModel-T.Now?Ifmysmartphonedoesn’tpickup four bars of service in the jungles ofBrazil, I amenraged.ComedianLouisC.K.summarizesthisexpectationwiththeretortheuseswhenpeoplearemad that their smartphone isn’toperatingquickly.He says, “Give it a second!It’sgoingtospace!Canyougiveitasecondtogetbackfromspace?”7Everydaywehavethebeliefthatgoodthingsshouldbedeliveredquickly.Ofcourseourcareersandlivesandpurposesshouldhappenatthesamerate.It’dberidiculoustothinkthey’dtaketime!

Ifyoulivewiththosethreebeliefslongenough,youstarttofeelyou’reentitledtobeinganexpertimmediately.Youstarttobelievethatyoudeservetoentertheland of Harvesting just after college—even during college, if you play yourcardsright.Thatyouhavetheright toskip the landsofLearning,Editing,andMastering. That you’re ready for a main-stage speaking spot, not just an

interview.You’re not. I’m not either. And that’s okay, because I’ve climbed theentitlementladderadozentimes,andletmetellyouwhereitleads...nowhere.You justclimbandclimbandclimb,each rung takingyoufartherawayfromrealityandwhatitreallytakestoreachawesome.Yourwholeperceptionoftheworld changes from up there. Other people look really tiny and insignificant.Like pesky antswho are just in theway.They don’t understand you.They’reunabletograspthefullscopeofyourgreatness,butfromhighontheladderitallmakessense.Thegreatperilof theentitlement ladder is that itnever ends. Itdoesn’t stop.Youjustkeepclimbingandclimbinguntiltheairgetssothinandyourjudgmentsoskewedthatyoueventuallyyellthesentenceyouusedtomakefunofpeopleforsaying:“DoyouknowwhoIam?”Andwhensomeonesays,“DoyouknowwhoIam?”whatthey’rereallysayingis,“DoyouknowwhoIam?BecauseIdon’t.Ilostsightofthatpersonalongtimeago.”Don’tclimbasinglerunguptheentitlementladder.Demandingsomethingyouhaven’t truly earned is a great way to get stuck in the land of Learning fordecades,evenanentirelifetime.Kickthoseladdersoverandkeepwalking.Youcanshortenyour journeywithhardwork,but theentitlement ladderwillleadyounowhere.

IGNORETHEVOICESStorieswithoutdragonsareboring.Youdon’tget“happilyeverafter”unlessatsomepointitwasindoubt,unlessthewholeadventurewasinquestion.Successwasanyone’sguess.Survivalwasupforgrabs.A hero without a villain isn’t really a hero. Superman without Lex Luthorwouldhavejustbeen“Man,”andthatwouldhavemadeforareallydullmovie.Butrestassured,thisstoryhasavillaintoo.Thisstoryhasadragon.Youknewithadto.Aswediscussedinthefirstsectionofthisbook,awesomeis simple.Thepath isnot complicated.Theplan isnot complex.So thenwhyhaven’tyouandIspentmoretimebeingawesomethusfarinlife?Weprobablygotstuckintheforestofvoices.Oneday,ina1920scabinnexttoatraintrackandNormanRockwellhouses,myfriendAlAndrewsaskedmeaquestion.AlrunsanonprofitcalledPorter’sCallinFranklin,Tennessee.Abouttenyearsago,herecognizedthatalotoftheclientswhocametohiscounselingpracticeweremusicians.Someofthemwereindesperateneedofasafeplacetorestoretheirstoriesbutcouldn’tafford traditionalcounseling.Otherswereselling tensofmillionsofrecordsandneededaplacewheretheycouldbethemselves,nottheideaorimageofthemselvesthateveryoneseesontheGrammys.SoAlmet with the record labels in Nashville and told them, “Look: you’respending millions of dollars creating these superstar musicians. You’resurroundingthemwithmusicaltalent,stylists,designers,andsupportstaff.Butthentheirlivesfallapartintheprocess.WhatifyousponsoredPorter’sCallandit became a place where musicians and their families could receive freecounseling?”Thelabelslovedtheidea,andsoforthelastdecade,Alhasbeencreatingasafehavenforartists.It’sanamazingbitofgeographyinacitythatotherwisetendstogrindmusiciansup.My dadwent to collegewithAl, so he letsme slide around the “Must be amusicianonarecordlabeltogotoPorter’sCall”rule.Oneafternoon,Alaskedme,“Whatdoyourvoicestellyou?”I thought thatwaskindof a crazyquestionandconsideredanswering itwithcounselingjargonI’velearnedinthelastfewyears:“Myparentsdidn’thugmeenough.”“I’dliketolearnhowtodosomereflectivelistening.”“Canwespendthissessionunpackingsomeofmyfatherwounds?”

Idecidedinsteadtoanswerhisquestionwithaquestionofmyown,soIaskedAlwhathemeant.Hegotquietforafewsecondsandprobablyscratchedhisbeardthoughtfully,becausethat’swhattherapistsinmoviesarealwaysdoing.Thenhesaid,“Well,I’ve asked thousands of people that question over the years, and I’ve learnedsomething: no one has a positive internal voice. No one’s internal voice tellsthem,‘You’reskinnyenough.Yousurearepretty.Peoplearegoingtolovethatnewprojectyou’reworkingon.It’sgoingtobeahugesuccess.’Whichmakesmecuriousaboutwhatyourvoicesaretellingyou.“Mostofustendtothinkthey’retellingusthetruth.We’veheardthemforsolongthatwetrustthem.Wethinkthey’relookingoutforus,thatthey’vegotourbestinmind.Thatthey’retryingtoprotectusorhelpus.Wethinkourvoicesarefriends,butthey’renot.They’refoes.”Iwalkedoutthatafternoonwithoutananswer.Idrovehomethinkingaboutthatquestion,“Whatdomyvoicestellme?”Forweeks,thequestionhauntedme.Ididn’twriteanyemopoetryaboutitortattooitintribalfontonmywrist,butitstayedwithme.Inordertoshakeit,Idecidedtodosomethingreallysimple.Idecidedtowritedownthemessagesofmyvoices.Iwasn’tgoingtogoonavisionquestorfightashe-bear,butIcouldatleastlistenforthevoicesandwritethemdownifIhadany.ThefirstoneIheardwasprettyobvious.Foryearsandyears, everymorning I’veheard the samequestion inmyheadandmyheart.Oneofmyvoicesalwaysasks,“Areyouhappyenough?” It’sasmallquestion,buttheconversationitcausesisanythingbutsmall.Voice:Areyouhappyenough?Me:I’mprettyhappy.I’mnothappyallthetime.Imean,sometimesI’msad.Voice:Whoa!You’renothappyall the time?You’reworkingyourdreamjobright now. You write and speak for a living. You work for Dave Ramsey! Ifyou’renothappyallthetimerightnow,Idon’tknowifyou’lleverbehappy.Me:Yikes!Thatkindofmakesmeunhappyjustthinkingaboutit.WhatshouldIdotofixthat?Voice:Maybethere’ssomethingyoucandoperfectlytodaythatwillmakeyouperfectlyhappy.Me:Goodidea.Whichthing?Voice:Hardtosay.Betterplayitsafeandjustdoeverythingperfectlytoday.Me:Ihavetobeperfectallday?That’salotofpressure.Thatkindofmakes

meunhappy.Spin,spin,spin.Before I know it, my best creativity, best time, and best energy have beencommandeeredbythisvoice.Andit’snottheonlyvoice.TherearemanyIhearthroughoutthedaysandweeksofmyjourney.Theyarethevoicesoffearanddoubt,andtheyaregovernedbyasimpletruth:theyonlygetloudwhenyoudoworkthatmatters.Wanttostayontheroadtoaverage?Wanttorockvanillarighttothegrave?Okay,fearanddoubtwillleaveyoualone.However,with thevery first stepyou takeon the roadof awesome, fear anddoubtstirfromtheirslumber.Theminutethepurposedoorcreaksonitshingesandyoupushitopen,thepointyearsoffearanddoubtperkup.Continueontheroad to awesome, and fear and doubt begin whispering lies and confusingstatements meant to get you back on the average, safe path. But you shouldknowthatthesevoicesarenotunique.Infact,theyconveyprettymuchthesamethreemessagestoeverypersonwhodaresstartdowntheroadtoawesome.

1.Whoareyoutodothat?Thesecondyouchoosetobemoreawesome,fearwillaskyouaquestion:“Whoareyoutodothat?”Fear doesn’t care what your particular “that” is. You could be starting abusinessorquitting a job.Youcouldbewriting abookorbecomingananny.Doesn’tmattertofear.Thespecificsneverdo.Regardlessofwhatyouwanttodoorwhoyouare,fearwillalwaysseeyouaswhollyunqualifiedforanythingyoueverdreamorattempt.Eventheslighteststeptowardawesomewillcausefear tofire intoyourheartlikeawarningflare.“Whoareyoutodothat?”“Whatmakesyouthinkyoucanbethat?”“Youdon’thavetherighteducation,background,orexperiencetodothat.”“You’rejustamomoracustomercallcenterrepresentative.”“None of your previous life experiences apply in any manner to this newdream.”The first argument from fear is that you’re not qualified, and it’s the one IexperiencedwhenIwrotemythirdbook,Quitter.MyfirstbookwasaChristiansatire,andQuitterwasgoingtobeabusinessbook.Fearwasquicktopointthatout.Here’swhatoneofmyvoicessaid:

“You can’t write a book like Quitter! Your first book doesn’t even count.You’veneverevenwrittena‘realbook.’Thatwasjustsomedumbblogthatgotturned into a book. It’s a collection of loosely tied-together essays, and it’sillustrated! There’s a unicorn prancing through a field of flowers. You didn’twriteabook;youpublishedacoloringbook.Whodoyouthinkyouaretowritea business book?Whatmakes you think you can jump shelves?You can’t gofromtheChristianInspirationsectiontotheBusinesssection.You’rethefunnyChristianguy.That’swhoyouare,andnoonewilleverbelievedifferently.Howdareyoudreamthatyoucouldwriteabusinessbook.Nooneisgoingtobelievethis.”AndIbelievedthevoice.Thewritingprocesswastorturous,andevenafter itcameoutIstruggledwiththatvoice.One daymy team leader calledme into his office and askedmewhy I wasapologizingforQuitter.Ididn’tknowwhathemeant,soheexplainedfurther.“DoyoubelieveinQuitter?Doyoubelieveit’sagoodbookthatpeopleneedtoread?Doyoubelieveitcanhelpsomeonechangetheirlife?”Irespondedslowly,butmyanswerwasyes.“Thenyou’vegottostarttalkingaboutit.You’vepracticallybeenapologizingfor it, sheepishly sharing about it online and ignoring it. Be brave enough toadmityouwroteagoodbook.Believeinit.Quitapologizing.”Hewas right.The voice I’d listened towasn’t a friend. Itwas a foe.And intryingtoknockmeoffcourse,itshoweditscolors.If youmanage towrestle through feelingwildly unqualified to do somethingawesome,fearwillchangetacticsandhandyouacalendar.

2.You’retoolate.Itwas7:27a.m.onaMonday.Iwassittinginmyofficeathome,infrontofthebookshelvesmywife reorganizedby color. Iwas trying towrite a little, but achorusofvoicesfilledmyhead.Thisiswhattheyweresaying:You’rebehind.You’llnevergetahead.Ifyoucouldjustgetahead,thenyoucouldrest.It’stoolate.Ifyouhadmoretime,youcouldgetitalldone.Likemostof theothervoicesIstrugglewith, thiswasnotanewone.Butonthatmorning,forthefirsttime,Idecideditmightbealie.So instead of spinning out, I started to write out what each thought really

meant:“You’rebehind.”Behindwhat?Accordingtowhatschedule?Againstwhatmeasurement?Whatdoes that evenmean?There is no clock I amon right now.Workhasn’t evenstartedyet.Iamnotinarace.ThereisnocompetitorIamfightingagainst.WhatamIbehind?“You’llnevergetahead.”Ahead of what?What does ahead mean?Who is defining ahead ? I have asneakingsuspicionthataheaddoesn’texist.“Ifyoucouldjustgetahead,thenyoucouldrest.”Restisagift,notareward.It’snotahobbythatlazypeopletakeadvantageof;it’swoven into the fabric of our very biology.The body is designed to rest. Idon’t have to earn thatwithmy performance.Rest is not a by-product ofmysuccess;it’saby-productofmyhumanity.Idon’thavetogetaheadtoenjoyitorneedit.“It’stoolate.”Ridiculous.It’sMondaymorningat7:27.Howisitalreadytoolatethisweek?Icouldn’thavemoreweekaheadofmeifItried.IrefusetoacceptthattheminuteIwakeuponMondaymorningit’salready“toolate.”“Ifyouhadmoretime,youcouldgetitalldone.”Nonsense.Mydefinitionofallwouldjustgrow.Andwhyis“done”agoal?Ifyoudiscoversomethingyoulovedoing,youdon’twanttobedone.Youwanttodoiteveryday.Doneisdead.Afterafewminutesofwriting, theabsurdityoffear’sviewof timestartedtocome to light.And it is absurd,because fear tries to tellyou two thingsabouttime:“Doitlater”or“It’stoolate.”Thefirstdelaysyouwithlaziness.Theseconddestroysyouwithregret.Andneitheristrue.Unless you’re dead right now, it’s not too late. Don’t give credence to thecalendar fear and doubt want to show you. It’s incredibly heavy and neverincludes a page for “today.” Fear and doubt’s calendar always starts withyesterdayortomorrow.You’ve got today, and today is all you need to start.The restwill come intoviewasyougo.

3.Ithastobeperfect.AsImentionedearlier,fearanddoubtareschizophrenic.Theirfavoritethingto

doisarguebothsidesofthecoinsothatyoudon’thaveasidetostandon.Theylovetotellyou,“Itwillneverwork,”and,“Ithastobeperfect.”Thefirstthoughttellsyouthatnopartofyourdreamwillsucceed.Thesecondthought tellsyou thateverypartof itmust succeed.Thatdoesn’tmakeevenalittlebitofsense,butyouwillhearbothvoices.Thisoneisprettyeasytodefeat.Therealityisthatsincethedawnoftimetherehasn’t been a single situation fear thought would work. If you ask fear ifsomethingisgoingtowork,theanswerwillalwaysbeno.FearwouldhavetoldtheWrightBrothersnottofly.FearwouldhavetoldRosaParks to change seats. Fear would have told Steve Jobs that people hatetouchscreens.Don’tevenaskitforadvice.Youknowitsanswer.Justmoveon.

Thosearethethreemostcommonmessages,butyouwillhearothers.I’veaskedthousandsofpeoplewhat theirvoices tell them,and they’vehad thousandsofdifferentanswers.Ionceaskedagroupofyouthministerswhattheirvoicestoldthem.Theytoldmethingslike:“Youworkwithkids;you’llalwaysbeakid;you’llneverbearealman.”“Youneverwenttoseminary—whoareyoutoteachkids?”Iaskedagroupofmenwhattheirvoicestoldthem,andaguyinthefrontrowshouted out, “Wait until your father gets home.” He was in his mid-50s. Hehadn’t lived at home for thirty years, and yet that fear still rang loudly in hishead.Ifyoudon’tdealwithyourvoices,theydon’tgoaway.Theydon’tnaturallygetsmaller.Doubtandfeararelikemuscles.Everytimeyoubelievealieaboutyourself,itgetseasiertobelieveitthenexttime.Ifyoulistentoyourvoicesforthenexttenyears,they’llonlybestrongerintenyears.They’llgetlouderandclosertothesurface.They’llneedlessprooftopopupandgetallmouthy.Simplyput,ifyoudon’tkillyourvoices,theywillkillyou.Butwe’renotgoing to let thathappen.We’renotgoing tobecomeemotionalhoarders, storing up anger and bitterness before eventuallymoving to Floridaandassumingthateveryoneisouttogetusandourlittledog.We’regoingtobeatourvoicesbydoingtwothings:

1.Documentingthem.

Voicesareinvisiblebullies,andtheyhatewhenyoumakethemvisible.Thebestwaytodothatistodressthemupwithwords.Towritethemdowninasimplenotebook.Theycan’tstandtobedocumented,becausetheminutetheyare,youcanseehowstupidtheyare.Lieshatethelightofday.Everytimeyoutakeasteptowardbeingawesomeandavoicegetsloud,writeitdown.Don’task,“Isthisavoice?”beforeyoudo.Justwrite.Fastandfuriousandimperfectly.Scribbleasmanyasyoucandown,andthenrefutethemwithtruth, like I didwith the ones that toldme Iwas too late and already behind.That’sstepone.

2.Sharingourvoices.Doyouknowwhat fear anddoubt fear?Community.Oneof fear anddoubt’schief aims is to make you feel alone. Like you’re the only one who feels acertainway.Fearwantstoisolateyouandputyouonanisland.Aslongasyoukeepyourfeartoyourself,noonecantellyouthetruthaboutit.Noonecanreflectbacktoyouthatyouarelyingtoyou.Noonecanadmittheyfeelthesamewaytoo.Noonecanhelpyouseewhatisreallygoingon.Noonecanencourageyou.Soifyou’regoingtotellyourvoices,“Kickrocks,punk,”you’vegottosharethemwithotherpeople.Now,thisisclearlyaprettyeasythingtodo.You’regoingtowanttorolluptoStarbucks, order a skinny extra hot Venti Vanilla Latte, and when the baristaasks, “Do youwant your receipt?” say, “No, I don’t needmy receipt.What Ineedistostoplisteningtothesevoicesinmyheadthattellmetherearealreadytoo many professional photographers in the world. Am I right? Do you hearvoices too?No?Okay, I’ll just pay formy coffee and this JasonMrazWorldMusicCDbundlethen.Thanks.”It’snoteasytofindfolkstoshareyourvoiceswith.AttheconferencesIthrow,wedothatasanexercise.Wedoawholesessiononit,andthetenoroftheroomchanges as people start to realize they’re not alone and that everyone has thesamedoubtsandfear.You’vegottotellyourclosefriendsorfamilyoracounseloraboutyourvoices.Theexactpersonwillbedifferentforeveryonewhoreadsthisbook,butneverwaste time trying tobattle avoicealone. In somecases thatvoiceof fearanddoubtwillhavehadaten-yearheadstartonyou.Don’tgoitalone.

FINALTHOUGHTSONFEARAt its worst, the forest of voices is an insatiable black hole, gobbling up ourtime,ourenergy,andourhope.Atitsbest,itisacompass.AsStevenPressfieldsays,itcan“pointtotrueNorth...thatcallingoractionitmostwantstostopusfromdoing.”8Start. And as you pass through the wall of purpose, kick over the ladder ofentitlement, and fight back against the voices of fear and doubt, the map toawesomewillbecomea littleclearer.Thenextstepswillnotbeeasy,but theywillbecomeincreasinglyrewardingasyoustaythecourse.

4:Learning

4

LEARNING

SAVEFORTHECOSTOFTHISBOOK(whichIhopewaspaidforinfullandthenpromptlyreviewedonAmazon),theroadtoawesomewillnotcostyouanymoney.Whetheryouhaveanickeltoyournameorabillion-dollarempire,youcanwalkthisroad.Buttheroadisnotfree.Itactuallycostsyouadifferentcurrency—infact,themostexpensivecurrencythereis:time.Everylandyouwalkthrough,fromLearningtoGuiding,willrequiredepositsofyourtime.Butinsteadofwaitingformoretimetomagicallyappearinyourday, you’re going to launch a rescuemissionof your current days.That startsrightnow.

ALLWENEEDISTHIRTYRecognizingthattimewasafuelthatmovedmedowntheroad,I immediatelytried to go from zero to 1,000 mph overnight. That’s not really surprising.Remembertheall-or-nothingvoice?Theonethattellsyou“Don’tdoit”or“Doitallperfectly”?Thatonegetsloudagainwhenyoustarttobedeliberateabouthowyouspendyourtime.Thesecondyouthinkseriouslyaboutfindingmoretimeinyourdayorweektoworkonbeingmoreawesomemoreoften,fearwilltellyoutomakesureeverysecondofyourday isperfectlymappedout. Itwill try togetyou topickupacomplicatedtime-managementsystemor,inmycase,asword.SWORDstoodfor:

ServeWorshipOrderRestDance

Idecidedthateveryday,allday,Iwouldbemakingsuremyactivitiesfellintooneofthosefivecategories.IfIwasatwork,thatcountedasservingtime.Writeitdown.IfIwassleeping,lookatalltherestminutesIwasrackingup!Writeitdown.IfIwasexercising,thatwasdancetime.(That’swhathappenswhenyoutrytocomeupwithanacronym.Atleastoneofthelettersineveryacronymisgoing tobehitwith theugly stick. I promise I auditioned fiftyotherD-wordsuntilIwasforcedtogowithdance.)Icarriedalittlenotebookaroundwithme,constantlycheckingoffmyminutesto make sure I was using the SWORD that would blaze my path to moreawesomemoreoften. Iwrotemultiple, fairlypretentiousblogpostsabout it totelleveryonethisamazingplanIhaddiscovered.Iwasalaserofridiculousness,regularly asking my wife things like, “Well, I played with the kids outside,whichwaskindofexercise,sothat’sDance;butIwasservingthemaswell,astheir dad.Do you think those sixminutes count asDance or Serve? Should IcreateacategorycalledSANCEthatmarriesthetwo?”Atwhichpointmywifewouldslamherheadinadrawerafewtimes.IgaveuponthewholeSWORDsystemafteramonthandpromptlygotrightbacktowastingallmytime.Ionlyhadtwospeeds:wasteallmytimeortrytobeimpossiblyperfectwithmytime.WhatIlearnedinthatseasonwasthatwhenitcomestotimemanagement,ormostotherwaystoaccelerateawesome,changehastobesimple.Especiallynewchange.Ithastobeeasilymanageable,orwe’llfailatitbeforeweevenstart.Wecanaddonotherchangesdowntheroad,butwhenwe’rebeginningourjourney,wejustneedtogetonethingright.Onetinytasteofprogress.Themountaincanwait.It’sbeenthereforyearsandwillstillbetheretomorrow.Wedon’thavetoscale itallatonce.Wedon’thave to rescueourentireyearat theonsetof thejourney.Infact,allwehavetodoisfindthirtyminutesinourweek.OnehalfhourisallI’maskingyou togiveat thestart.Thissimplesacrificewas thebiggest,mostimportantthingIdidtochangemycareer.IcansaywithoutashadowofadoubtifIhadn’tfoundthosethirtyminutes,Ineverwouldhavewrittenfourbooks.Iwouldn’thavemovedtoNashvilleformydreamjobwithDaveRamsey.AndIwouldn’thavemade it throughthe landofLearning.Thirtyminutes.That’sallyou’regoingtorescue,andfortunately,Iknowwheretofindyours.

BESELFISHAT5:00A.M.You’re toobusy tobe awesome rightnow.Whether it’s abookor ablogor a

projectatworkoranewjob,lifeisprobablytoofulltoreallyworktirelesslyonyour“thing.”You’ve got a lot going on. I do too.And sometimes,whenwe focus on ourdreams and try to take steps down the path of awesome, ourwives cry in thekitchen.That’sbeenmyexperience,anyway.OneTuesdayduringaholidaybreak,Ispentfourhourswritingabookidea.MykidswereoccupiedwithnewChristmaspresentsandmywifewasstraighteningupthehouse.Ataboutthreeintheafternoon,Iresurfacedfromourhomeofficeandtalkedtomywifeinthekitchen.Her words were short and quick. I asked her what was wrong and sheimmediatelyreplied,“Ithoughtweweregoingtospendthedaytogether.”Thenshestartedcrying.In that moment and many others, I failed to follow a simple rule ofawesomeness. Iwasselfishat thewrong timeof theday.Thosehours—in themiddleofthedayduringChristmasvacation—weren’treallymine.Whenyou’reaspouse,parent,orcaregiver,yourtimedoesn’tjustbelongtoyou.It’sinlargepartcommunalproperty,sharedbytheentirehouse.Butthatdoesn’tmeanyoucan’tbeselfishwithsomeofthattime.Youjusthavetoknowwhenyoucanbe,whichiswhyImention5:00a.m.ThemorningsIgetupandwritefrom5:00to5:30,you’dbesurprisedathowinfrequentlymywifetellsmeI’vebeenignoringher.You’dbeshockedathowrarely my oldest daughter wants me to watch her jump rope before the sunbreaks the horizon. You may even be mystified at how seldommy youngestdaughteraskstogobikeridingat5:15a.m.Youcanbeselfishat5:00a.m.Or11:00p.m.ifyourspousegoestobedearlyandstayingupanextrathirtyminutesdoesn’twreckyournextday.Youcanalsorescuethirtyminutesduringlunch.LastIchecked,youdon’tneedafullhourtoeata turkeysandwich,evenif thecheeseisorganic,gluten-free,udder-to-tablecheese. The point is that you can carve out time in your day and claim it, ifyou’rewillingtohustle.Ifyou’renotmarriedordon’thavekids,thisideastillapplies.Yourtimeisstillshared,especiallyifyouhaveafull-timejob.Yourbossmaynevercryinyourarms in the kitchen on the day after Christmas. That would be weird. But ifyou’reselfishwiththewronghours,yourbossmayindeedsaytoyou,“Hey,lastIchecked,wewerepayingyoutodoworkforus.AmIoffbasehere?”Weallhavecommitmentswehavetokeep.Inoneformoranother,weallhavespouseswith expectations that should bemet.We also have dreams that need

attention.Tostart,justbeselfishat5:00a.m.And if you don’t like the word selfish, then rewrite that idea. I won’t beoffended.Callityour“getfuriousatfive”mandate.Whateverwordsyouwanttouse,rescuethirtyminutestowalkdownyourpathtoawesome.Ifyoucan’t—iftheideaofsettingyouralarmthirtyminutesearliersoundshorribletoyou—thenyoumaynotbereadyforawesome.Ifyourdreamisn’tworththirtyminutes,you’veeithergotthewrongdreamoryou’re just pretendingyouhaveone. If theminimumyou’rewilling topay inordertobeawesomeislessthanthirtyminutes,you’dbettergobacktoaverage.Nobodygetsupearlyontheroadtoaverage.Nobodystaysuplateontheroadtoaverage.Youcansleepintoyourheart’scontentorwatchlate-nightTVuntiltheinfomercialsbegintomakeperfectsense.Eitherway,you’resafeontheaverageroad.

ONEREASON5:00A.M.TENDSTODOMINATE11:00P.M.“I’manightowl!”isoftentheexcusepeoplegivemewhenIencouragethemtogetupearlyandworkontheirdream.Ithinkthat’safairpushback.Ithinkthereareprobablysomepeoplewhomaybepredisposedtogoingtobedlaterthanothers.Butafterhearingthatresponsefromsomanyofmyfriendsovertheyears,Idecidedtoseeifmybeliefaboutthe importanceofmorningscouldbebackedupbyresearch.Maybeevenwithscience.Here’swhatIfound:Willpowertendstofavorthemorning.Inawell-known1996researchprojectledbyRoyBaumeisteratCaseWesternReserveUniversity,scientistshadtwogroupsofpeoplesitdowninaroom.Onegroupwastoldthattheycouldeatthewarmchocolate-chipcookiesinthebowlin front of them. They just had to ignore the other bowl, which was full ofradishes.Thenextgroupwas told just theopposite.Eat theradishes; resist thecookies.After theexperiment, researcherscameback in the roomand told theparticipants they needed to tabulate the results. Would they mind waitingaround?While they were waiting, they could try to solve this simple puzzle.Onlythepuzzlewasn’tallthatsimple.Itactuallyhadnosolution—thescientistsjustwantedtoseehowlongeachpersonwouldattempttosolveit.Can you guesswhat happened? The peoplewho had to eat the radishes andresist the cookies tried an averageof about eightminutesbefore theygaveupand quit. The people who ate the cookies tried an average of about nineteen

minutes.Why?Itappearsthatwillpowerisfinite.Wehavealimitedsupplyofit.The people who ate the radishes and fought back the desire to eat the warmcookieswereoutofwillpower.Theirsupplywasdepleted.Theydidn’twanttodo the puzzle.The peoplewho ate the cookies?They had a full supply.Theywerewilling to trymore than twice as long. In his bookThePowerofHabit,Charles Duhigg describes how this study helps shed light on things likeexecutives having affairs at night. After a stressful day of being on, makingdifficult decisions, fighting, and leading, executives have very little left in thetank.1 This suggestion by researchers is by no means a justification for badbehavior,butitdoesgiveusabetterunderstandingofhowwearewired.Haveyoueverhada taskoractivity that ifyoudidn’tdo it in themorning itdidn’thappenwhenyougothome fromwork? Ifyoumissedyour jogat6:00a.m., after adayat theoffice anda longcommutehome, therewasvery littlechanceitwouldhappenat6:00p.m.—evenifyouweresingleandlivedalone.Youmayhavethoughtyouwerebeinglazy,butwhatifyou’dsimplyspentyourwillpowerforthatday?In the book The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working, Tony Schwartz furtherexplainsRoyBaumeister’sanalysisofthecookie-versus-radishtest:

Inshort,weeachhaveonereservoirofwillanddiscipline,anditisdepletedby any act of conscious self-regulation—whether that’s resisting a cookie,solvingapuzzle,ordoinganythingelsethatrequireseffort.“Theimplication,”Baumeisterwrites, “is thatmanywidelydifferent formsof self-controldrawon a common resource, or self-control strength, which is quite limited andhencecanbedepletedreadily.”2

Don’tstartgettingupearlieronyourroadtoawesomejustbecauseitworkedinmylife.Getupearlierbecauseyouwantthebestshotatsuccess.Getupearlierbecauseyouwantaccesstoyourbestwillpower.Getupearlierbecauseyouwant thewayyourbrainworksand thewayyourphysiologyreactstobeyourfriend,notyourfoe.

THEFIVE-STEPSECRETTOGETTINGITALLDONEYou rescued thirtyminutes. You put your television and videowatching on adiet.Youare starting tohustle.You’remaking time forall thedifferent thingsyouwant to learn about right now.And the truth is, you’regoing tobe really

busy.Weallare.TherearehundredsofthingsIneedtocrossoffmyto-dolisteachday.Respondtoemails.Attendmeetings.Returnphonecalls.Answertextmessages.Pickupthekidsfromgymnasticsandart.Finishworkprojects.Starthomeprojects.I realizedoneday thatmy listwas getting longer andmydays felt like theyweregettingshorter.Iwashavingtroublegettingitalldone.Inorder tosurvive, Icameupwitha five-stepsecret togetting italldone. Ifyou’rebusytoo,feelfreetouseit:

1.Admitthatyoucan’tpossiblygetitalldone.2.Giveyourselfthegracetoacceptthatasreality,notfailure.3.Dothethingsyoucandowithyourfullattention.4.CelebratewhathappensduringStep3 insteadofobsessingover the thingsyoudidn’tgetto.

5.Repeatasnecessary.

That’sit.Iwasthinkingaboutturningthatlistintoanapp,butcheckingitoffwould justbeonemore thingyou’dhave todoeachday. Instead, just tearoutthesepages.Putthelistonyourfridgeorwhateverthemorerelevantapplianceis,andstartonstep1.Ifyoucangetthatonedone,you’re99percentofthewaythereandwillhaveamuchbettergrasponbeingmoreawesomemoreoften.

THEPLANECRASHJust beyond the forest of voices, where fear first got loud on the road toawesome,you’llstumbleuponaplanecrash.Andwhilemostofuswouldwalkbywithonlythatshamefulcuriositywefeelwhenwepassacaraccidentonthehighway, ifwe’regoingtobeawesomewemayneedtostopandtakeacloserlook.Sincewe’vejustrescuedthirtyminutes,we’vegotthetime.Itookacloserlookafewyearsagoand,totellyouthetruth,Ialwayswantedtobeinaplanecrash.Notoneofthosejarringonesinthemountainswhereyouhavetoeatthepeoplewhodidn’tsurvive.That’sgross.Ijustwantedasectionoftherooftocomeoff,havesomecarry-onbagsthatweretoobiginthefirstplaceflyoutthegapinghole,andthenlandsafelyandtakeaquickrideonthemostexclusiveslideintheworld.I’dsaveafewpeoplefromafireballofsomesort,jumpdownthatbigyellowinflatablewonder,andthenwanderinacornfieldorfloatinashark-freeportion

ofthebalmyCaribbeanSeaforafewhours.ThenI’ddoacoupleofinterviews,maybegoonLettermaninasmart-lookingsweater,andwriteabook.Best of all, I’d have something that near-death experiences always seem todeliver—areasontolive.Noone ever survives a plane crash and then says, “Reallymademewant towatch more television.When your life flashes before your eyes, you start torealizehowyou’vebeentakingshowsaboutcakeforgranted.”Nope,theysaythingslike:“Mylifewillneverbethesameagain.Ihuglonger,smell more flowers, and can taste capers in a way that you non-near-death-experiencepeoplewillneverunderstand.”Andsoinmyquesttofindmeaning,Ithoughtthatmightbeagreatshortcut.The trouble is, it’snoteasy toget inaplanecrash.Statisticallyspeaking, it’snearlyimpossible.SoIdecidedtofakemydeath.AllIdidwasbuildasmallplaneinmyheadandthencrashitintothegroundwith a singlequestion: “If I died today,whatwould I regret not being able todo?”You’d think itwould takemore than that, butpretendplanes are surprisinglyeasytodestroy.I thoughtabout thequestionathand fora fewminutes,and then Iwrote thisdowninmyFiveStarcollege-rulednotebook(wideruledisforlazypeople).

IfIdiedtoday,

1.Iwouldn’tgettowriteabook.2.Iwouldn’tgettolovemywife.3.Iwouldn’tgettoplaywithmykids.

Theorderof that listshouldassureyouthatIambeinghonest.Iput“writeabook”above“lovemywife”and“playwithmykids.”Ibronzemedaledmyownchildren.What a jerk.And as aChristian, I should have at least givenGod acameoonthatlist.Atthebareminimum,Ishouldhavesaid,“4.Iwouldn’tgettoworshipGod.”Butinmydefense,ifI’mdeadthenI’minheavenwithGod,somaybeI’mintheclearonthatone.Regardlessofthecompletelackofnoblenessinmylist,Ihadone.AndIstaredat it for aminute and thought,That really didn’t do awhole lot forme. I betcaperswill tastethesamethisafternoon,andtomorrowIwon’tnoticethewayfreshmorningdewhangsonlilacbushes.So I askedmyself anotherquestion: “Are those the things I’m spending time

doingrightnow?”Stomachpunch.Suddenlywhatwasa fun listofdreams for the future started tohauntme. Ifthosewere the three things thatmattered tomemost, whywasn’t I spendingmuchtimepursuingthem?WhatwasIwaitingfor?Iftheywereimportant,whywasn’tIreallydoinganyofthem?Thatday,Idecidedtochangemylife.Iwroteabook.Itookmywifeouttoacandlelightdinneratarestaurantthatputsthepricesonthemenuincursive.AndIbuilta treehousewithmykids thathada trapdooranda tireswing.Wholethingtookaboutfourhours.That’s notwhat I did. I’d like to editmy history and tell you that those twoquestionsbecamemydrivingmotivationand, from thatmomenton,myentirelifewasdifferent. Itwasn’t.The landofLearningdoesn’tofferescapepods tothelandofMastering.Instead,IfeltlikeIhadreceivedaninvitationtobemoreawesomemoreoften.Iwasn’tgoingtowaitforaboutwithcancerorarealplanecrashto teachmethatlifeisfleeting.Ididn’tneedtoseeeverythingflashbeforemyeyestoknowthatitwouldsomeday.I’dreceivedapostcardfromawesome,andithadtwoquestionsonit:

1.IfIdiedtoday,whatwouldIregretnotbeingabletodo?2.ArethosethethingsI’mspendingtimedoingrightnow?

And thechoice toanswer thosequestionswasmine. Icould ignore themandwakeupat75andregretmylife,suddenlycaughtoffguardthatit’salmostover.OrIcouldwrestlewiththosequestionsandadmitafewthings:Iwasscaredtowriteabook.TalkingaboutitwaseasierandsaferthantryingitandpossiblyfindingoutIdidn’thavewhatittakes.Ihadclutchedapathytightlylikeashieldtomychestforyears,pretendingIdidn’treallycareaboutwritingabook.Iwasalsolazy.Iwascontenttobeanaveragehusbandandanaveragedad.Those weren’t fun things to admit about myself, but they did bring about acertainamountofclarity.IfIdidn’tchangesomething,theyearsweregoingtostack themselveson topof eachotheruntil Ididn’thaveany left.That’swhathappens to most people at the end of their lives and what Bronnie Warediscoveredinherpatients.She’sanurseinAustraliawhospentyearscaringforpeopleinthelastweeksof

theirlives.ShewroteabookcalledTheTopFiveRegretsoftheDying.Thenumber-oneregret?“IwishI’dhadthecouragetolivealifetruetomyself,notthelifeothersexpectedofme.”“This was the most common regret of all,” explains Ware. “When peoplerealizethattheirlifeisalmostoverandlookbackclearlyonit,itiseasytoseehowmanydreamshavegoneunfulfilled.Mostpeoplehadnothonoredevenhalfoftheirdreamsandhadtodieknowingthatitwasduetochoicestheyhadmade,ornotmade.Healthbringsafreedomveryfewrealize,untiltheynolongerhaveit.”3Fortheaverageperson,therealityofdeathistheonlythingmorepowerfulthanthe fear of living the life you truly desire. But this isn’t a book about beingaverage.It’sabookaboutbeingawesome.I’m not sure how you’d answer those two previous questions, but I know ifyou’regoingtobemoreawesomemoreoften,youneedto.AndpreferablylongbeforeyoueverneedanurselikeBronnieWare.Climbinyourownplaneandcrashit today.There’splentyofopengroundinthelandofLearningforanothersmolderingwreckage.

THEGINGERBREADTRAILDidyoucomeupwithaperfectanswertotheplanecrashquestions?Itonlytookmeaboutfifteenminutes.Igotasmoothieafterward.Prettyenjoyableafternoon,actually.Mustbesomethingwrongwithyou.That’swhatwethinkwhenwestart learningwaystobemoreawesomemoreoften.Wethinkitshouldbeeasywork,andwhenit’snot,wewanttogiveup.Thetruthis,learningaboutwhoweareisrarelyeasy.Thispathmayfeelnewat first.Traversing through the landofLearningmayfeel like amaiden voyage.But the funny thing is that you’ve hidden yourselfcluesalongthisroadforever.Theclueswereaboutwhatyoureallyloveddoing.Theydidn’tallmakeitthisfarintoyourlife,butmorethanyoucanimagineremainstrewnthroughoutthelandofLearning.Thecluesarethegingerbreadtrailleadingtoyourdefinitionofawesome.Ifyou’verecoveredfromthepretendtraumaandtherealdisappointmentofnotriding that yellow inflatable slide, it’s time to look for a fewhints.Especiallysincetheycancomefromthestrangestplaces,orsoIlearnedwithmymother-in-law.When my blog took off and I started really leaning into my dream, people

wouldalwaysaskher,“Howdoeshedoitall?”Heranswertoherfriendswasperfect:“That’sthewrongquestiontoask.Therealquestionis,‘Howdidhenotdoitbefore?’”Wherewere the thousandsofwords thatwerenowgoing tosocialmediaandbook-writinggoingbeforeIstartedworkingonmydream?Theyweren’tnew.Ididn’tturnintosomeonecompletelydifferentatage30.I’dalwayshadthoseideasinsidemeandnowthattheyhadahome,mymother-in-lawhadtowonder,wheredidtheylivebefore?Theanswer isPost-it notes.And thebacksof envelopes, and scrappiecesofpaper.Iwaswriting tweets ten years beforeTwitterwas launched. Iwould scribbledownshortthoughtslike,“IwishIknewmoreunhappyrichpeople,”andthenleavethemonthekitchencounter.Aweeklatermywifewouldthrowthemallaway’causetheylookedlikeapileofgarbage.AndthenIwouldtellhershejustthrewawaythegreatAmericannovel.Itwasaprettyfuncyclewehadgoing.Ididn’tknowitatthetime,butmydesiretoshareideas,towritebooks,tohelppeoplehadbeentryingtobreakthroughthesurfaceofmydaysforyears.Ithadbeensendingupflaresfromdeepwithinmyheart,tryingtogetmyattentionfordecades.ButImissedit.AndIdon’twantthesamethingtohappentoyou.Ifyouhadahard timeanswering theplanecrashquestion, let’sapproach theideaofawesomefromaslightlydifferentangle.Insteadofasking,“WhatwouldIlovetostartdoing?”let’sask,“WhatcanInotstopdoing?”What’s something inyour life thatyoukeepcomingback to?Forme, itwaswriting ideas. Try as Imight, I couldn’t stop leaving notes around the house,writingfriendslong-windedemailswithscatteredideasinthem,ordominatingdinnerpartiesbycorneringfriendstohearmythoughts.Itwasacompulsion.What’s somethingyoucan’t stopdoing?Chancesare there’s somepassionordreamoractivitythat’ssurvivedforyears.Youdon’trespectit;weneverdo.MyfriendChris,whoisinhislate30s,toldmeonenight,“Ijustdon’tknowwhatanyofmypassionsare.”Thatwouldhavebeentroublingifhehadn’tjustshownme theantique railroadcarhehadspentmonths rebuildingand reconditioningbyhand.Whatwasonceaforgottenpieceofwoodandmetalonatrashheaphadbeenlovingly,painstakinglycraftedintoaconversation-stoppingcenterpieceinhis living room.But hewasn’t surewhat his passionswere.We’re horrible atseeingthepotentialofourowndreams.

Theyarethere.Hidingoutintheshadowsofourdays,waitingforustoadmitthey matter.Waiting for us to see that a pile of notes could be a book, or acontinuedloveofvolunteeringatalocalanimalsheltercouldbeabusiness,oracompulsiontoattendtheMumford&Sonsconcertthreenightsinarowcouldbethestartofsomethingbigger.Whatcanyounotstopdoing?

BEASTUDENTOFYOUOne afternoon I had lunch atMellowMushroomwith a pastor.Hewanted towriteabookanddidn’tknowwheretostart.Heaskedme,“ShouldItakethreemonthsofftowriteit?Takeasabbatical,getacabinsomewhere,andholeupinthereuntilit’sdone?OrshouldItaketheoppositeroute?WriteapageadaysothatbytheendoftheyearIhaveover300pagesdone?”Hecontinuedtorattleoffoptionsbasedonanumberofdifferentbooksaboutwriting.Finally,Iaskedhim,“Howoldareyou?”“Forty-two,”hereplied.“Then you’ve got forty-two years of research.You’ve got forty-two years ofevidenceindicatinghowyoubestaccomplishthings.Youneedtobeastudentofyou.Whatdoyoudobest?”Iasked.“Well, I love sharing stories in my sermons. I’m a storyteller. That’s myfavorite thing todo, and for the last twelveyears, that’swhat I’vebeendoingeverySundaymorningwhenIpreach.”“Well then, get your sermons transcribed. You can have someone transcribethemfor$3anhour.You’veprobablyalreadygotagreatstartdownthepathofwritingabook.”He was flabbergasted at how smart I am. Or maybe at how obvious thatsolutionwas.Nooneeverthinksthatoneelementofhisorherlifecaninformanother.Wethinkwehavetostartfromscratcheachtime.Butwedon’t.Youneedtobeastudentofyou.Don’twalkdownthisroadtoawesomeasifyou’veneverbeenawesomebefore.Youhave.You’vesucceededatsomething.Somethingcamenaturally.Somethingworked.Howcanyouapplythattothis?If youwere able to stick to a diet for sixmonths, how did you do it?Whatabout thatexperienceoverlapswithyournewroad toawesome?Ifyou’vehadsuccess atwork, even if youdon’t loveyour job,what are the thingsyoucanlearnfromthatexperience?Whatskillscameoutshining?Weusuallydon’ttakeenoughtimetostudyourselves.Subsequently,welearn

thesamethingsoverandoveragain.Orworsethanthat,wediscounteverythingwe’velearnedforthelatesttechniqueespousedinabook.That’soneofthegreatestpresumptionsofmanybusinessandself-helpbooks.They tend to have a one-size-fits-all approach. There’s often that section orspecific chapter about goal setting that involves an incredibly complicated,detailed list and a system of checks and balances that exceeds that of theUSTreasury.Ofcoursetheapproachworkedperfectlyfortheauthor,becauseshe’san incredibly detailed, organized person. But maybe that’s the absolute worstapproachforyou.Maybeyou’reapainter,notamathematician.Butbecausethebooksays,“Inordertosetgoals,youhavetosetthemthisway,”yougiveitatry.Everythingaboutyourpreviousthirtyyearsontheplanetindicatesthatyouwillnotdowellwithacomplicatedchecklistapproach,butthebooksaysthisistheonlyway.Youtryitforadayoraweekoramonth,anditdoesn’ttake.Youthenassumeyou’relousyatgoalsettingandquit.But maybe you’re a bird reading a book about how to be a fish. You candisciplineyourselfallyouwant,gatherasmuchwillpowerasisavailabletoyou,butit’snotgoingtomatter.You’vegotwings,notfins.Thesolutiontothisproblemistoshareprinciplesthataretrueofeveryoneandapplications that are flexible. As we continue to march down the road toawesome, that’swhatwe’regoing todo.Thefivestages, for instance,are trueforeveryone.Theroadtoawesomealwaystravelsthroughthem.However,themethodyouusetotravelfromonedestinationtothenextwillbedeterminedbyyourownexperience—whatyou’remadeof,whatyoudesire,andwhatyou’vedonetothispoint.Measureeachactionwediscussagainstwhatyouknowtobetrueofyourself.Bea studentofyou, and thenchooseyourownmeansof travel through thesestages. I can only describe their existence and offer suggestions on traversingthemthathaveworkedformeandother travelersI’vemetalongtheway.ThepointisnotthatyoucopyexactlywhatI’vedone.Thepointisthatyoutaketheprinciples, customize them to what you know of yourself, and keep movingthroughthelands.Do this andyouwillbeable tomakeprogress.Continuedoing this, andyouwillreachyourversionofawesomemanytimesinyourlifetime.

***

MyfirstChristmasasahusbandIdecidedtomakemywifesomefurniture.I’d never learnedwoodworking. I’d never been taught furnituremaking. I’mprettysureIgotaB-minusinshopclassintheseventhgrade(althoughIthinktheissuewasthatmywoodenkeycaddywasover-shellacked).Nothingaboutmyprevioustwenty-fouryearsontheplanetwouldindicatethatIwouldbeamazingatbuildingsomethingwithmybarehands.ButIwasinthelandofLearning,andwhenyou’rethere,youtrynewthings.Youtakenewrisks.Youexplorenewpassions.Emboldened with courage, I found a nightstand in a Restoration Hardwarecatalog.IrippedoutthepageandwenttoourlocalHomeDepot.Ipurchasedajigsaw,’causethosethingsseemedinteresting,ahandsaw,ahugeboxofnails,andafewpiecesofwood.Realizing that wasn’t enough for a first Christmas gift, I also bought awoodcarvingkit.Ourweddinginvitationshadasilhouetteofatopiaryonthem,andmy plan was to carve that same design into the door of the nightstand Ilovinglycrafted.Tools in hand, I retreated to the dark basement of our 1920s rental house inArlington,Massachusetts.FordaysIworked,soexcitedtoshowmywifehowmuchIlovedher.Sogiddyaboutdiscoveringthisnewpassion.Soeagerforourgrandkidstoonedaysay,“GrandpaAwesome-Jon,tellusthenightstandstoryagain.Tellus!”Finally, after many a night of sweat and sawdust, I askedmy wife to comedownstairs. I couldn’twait forChristmas. The excitementwas toomuch! Shecamedownthebasementstairs,andItookherbythehand.With the flourish of a magician who insists you call him an illusionist, Irevealed to her what I had built and ultimately learned: “I suck atwoodworking.”There, next toourwashingmachine,was theworld’sugliest box. Itweighedroughly fourteen pounds and had approximately thirty-seven crooked nailsprotrudingoutofitfromallangles.Itdidn’tlooklikeaRestorationHardwarenightstand.Welaughedforafewminutes.Imayhavebeencrying.Thenmydadputmeintouchwith an elderly friendofhiswhobuilt furniture.He agreed tobuild thenightstandifIwouldbehisassistantandsupplythewood.SoonenightinearlyDecemberIpackedupallthelumberIhadpurchasedandheadedtohisshop.After Iunloaded it, he eyeballed it for approximately three secondsand said,“Wereyoumakingaboomerang?ThisisthemostwarpedwoodI’veeverseen

inmylife.Ican’tbelievetheyactuallysoldyouthis.Putitbackinthecar;we’llusesomethingelse.”Itriedtoassistbyholdingdownplanksorhandinghimtools.Butaboutfifteenminutesin,hestopped,turnedoffthemachinehewasusing,andinvitedmetogohome.ApparentlyIwasn’tevenqualifiedtoholdlumber.Igottheheave-hofromtheoldman becausemy very presencewasmaking things difficult. Hewas verykindaboutit.Hetoldme,“Yougohome.I’llbuilditforyouandcallyouwhenitisdone.”Tothisdayitsitsinourlivingroom,aconstanttestamentnottofailurebuttothelandofLearning.The way you pass through the land of Learning is that you try a bunch ofthings.Fearwouldloveforyoutotryjustone,getdiscouraged,andthenmarchrightbacktoaverage.Butyouwon’t.Youneedtogeta jigsaw,somewarpedwood,andabunchofnails and head into the shop.You need to tinker and build and break and putbacktogether.Itmaynotlookawesomeatfirst.Maybewoodworkingisn’tyourparticularbrandofawesome.Itwasn’tmine.Neitherwaspainting.ButIdidn’tknowthetruthabouteitheruntilItried.Andlearned.YourpaththroughLearningmaybelitteredwithsawdustandchunksofwarpedwoodwithdozensofbentnailsstickingoutofthem.Andthat’sexpected.Giveyourselfthefreedomtomakesomereallyuglyfurniture.That’swhatLearningisallabout.Ifirstsawitinmydad.He’sanadventurousguy.Inthe1980s,hestartedaSouthernBaptistChurchinMassachusetts,somethingthatwasunheard-ofatthetime.Hehadthreekids,ayoungwife,andaprettydecentmustache.Butotherthanthat, he didn’t have a whole lot when he moved our family to Ipswich,Massachusetts. After seminary and working at a church, he decided to plantGraceBaptistinMarlboro.Decadeslater,whenItalkedtohimaboutthatexperience,helaughedwithmeandsharedhowhe’salwayslookedatdoingnewthings.Oftenwhenyoustrikeoutonanewadventurelikethedozensyou’reexploringinthelandofLearning,peoplewill askyou,“Haveyoueverdone thatbefore?”Theparticularsof the“that” are immaterial. It could be starting a business, going to college, ortravelingaroundtheworld.Andhereishowmydad(andnowI)answerwhenlifeasksusthequestion,“Haveyoueverdonethatbefore?”“No,butI’maboutto.”

Haveyoueverbeenonnationaltelevision?No,butI’maboutto.Haveyoueverwrittenabookofpoemsbefore?No,butI’maboutto.Haveyoueverbikedacrossthecountryforcharity?No,butI’maboutto.Yousaythatsimplephrase,andthenyoudoit.That’sit.That’sall it takestobeatbackthatmonstercalled“myfirsttime.”Doitonceandthentwiceandthenthriceandthententimes,untilbeforeyouknowit,you’reoutofthelandofLearning.Everyjourneyhasafirststep.Everydreamhasafirstdestination.ThelandofLearningisyours.Andnowit’sabouttimetomoveontoyournextdestination.

THELASTSTOPINTHELANDOFLEARNINGI’m almost positive there’s not a chapter in What to Expect When You’reExpectingthattalksaboutwhattodoifyour1-year-oldeatsacigarettebutt.That’swhat happened tomy friends one nightwhile theywerewaiting for atableataMexicanrestaurant.Sophie,theirincrediblyfasttoddler,wascrawlingaround on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant and made her move beforeanyonecouldstopher.Forthenextday,heradorablelittlebabybreathsmelledlikePallMalls.Idon’tfaultmyfriends;it’shardtoraisebabies.For the first three years you have a kid, you’re not really parenting. You’reprotecting. Your job is to basically keep them from hurting themselves withtablesandcabinetsandtoiletsanddogsandcatsandknivesandanythingwithintheirsurprisinglylongwingspan.Whichiswhybabyearringshavenevermadesensetome.WhywouldIattachashiny,sharp,windpipe-sizedobjecttomychild’shead?IhaveFortKnox–styledrawer locks thatmakegettinga forkoutaCrissAngelmagictrick.WhywouldImakesuremybabyisalwaystravelingwithtinylittleweaponsinchesfromhermouth?Whynotjustdanglealivescorpionfromherpacifier?Justtokindofseewhathappens?Theonly thing thatmakeseven less sense thanearrings forbabies isBunsenburners for seventh graders. “I’ve got an idea! Let’s give themost awkward,emotionally charged, hormone-intoxicated humans on the planet access to aflameandanever-endinggassource.Theguysarealltryingtoshowoffinfrontofthegirls;thegirlsaredistractedwonderingiftheguysareevennoticingthem;they’veallgrownlongarmsandlegstheybarelyknowhowtouse.Whatbettertime in life to introduce them to thewonder that is theBunsen burner?Whatcouldpossiblygowrong?”

Butithappens.Intheseventhgradeyougofrombuildingcrookedcoat-hangermodelsofthesolarsystemtohavingreadyaccesstothesun’ssourceofheatinthesciencelab.Which,asithappens,isalsoyourlaststopinthelandofLearning.It’sthelastbuildingontheroad.Onahookbythedoorhangsalabjacketandapairofsafetygoggles. (Thatword is impossible tospellcorrectlyonceyou’vetyped“Google”amilliontimes.)Asyouput themonandwalkdown thehall,you’ll findyourself ina simplelaboratory.There are beakers and colorful liquids, tubes and pipes and jars. IfyoulostyoursciencenotebookintheseventhgradeandalmostflunkedtheclassbecauseMrs.Murtaughdidnotplayaroundwhenitcametimetodeliveryoursemester-long science notebook, hypothetically speaking, you may be a littlenervous.Butdon’tbe.There’sonlyonethingyouhavetodointhislaboratory.Experiment.That’s it. That’s the action you have to embrace in the land of Learning.Becausescientistsdon’tfail; theyexperiment.Theyblowthingsup.Theyburnthings down. They tinker. They smash. They mix. And when an experimentdoesn’tgo therightway, theydon’tcall ita failure.Theysay,“Lookwhatwelearned.Wethoughtitwouldgoonewayanditwenttheopposite!Whatcanwetake away from this thatwill help uswith our next experiment?” That’swhyJames Dyson had 5,126 prototypes before completing his industry-changingvacuumcleaner.It’swhyAngryBirds,thewildlypopularapp,wasRovio’sfifty-secondattemptat agame. It’swhyWD-40had thirty-nineother formulas thatcamebeforeit.Everyonewhosucceedslearnsthroughexperimentation.4Nomatterwhat fearanddoubt tellyou,your identity isnotat stakewith thedecisions youmake and the actions you take as you learn.You’re a son or adaughter.You’reafatheroramother.You’reahusbandorawife.TheBunsenburner won’t change that. You were you before you walked in the building.You’llbeyouwhenyouwalkout.Onlymoreawesome.So fire it up. It’s time to blow some things up and see what the debris canultimatelyteachyouaboutyourselfandyourtruestdreams.

5:Editing

5

EDITING

HOWWILLYOUKNOWwhenyou’veenteredthelandofEditing?Youwon’t.Movingon.Wait,thatcan’tberight.Wewantsteps.Wewantachecklistwithfourteenboxeswecancheckoffsoweknowwe’reperfectlypreparedforwhat’snext.You can’t have them. I can’t either. The map doesn’t work that way. Andneitherdoeslife.That’slikeasking,“Whendoyoubecomeaman?”Ireallyhopeit’snotwhenyoulearnhowtomakefurniturebyhand.InthemovieRedDawn,itwaswhenThomasC.Howellshotadeeranddrankitsblood.OrintheremakewhenZacEffron shot a unicorn and stole its tail (I haven’t seen the remake, but I’massumingthathappens).Theproblemwithtryingtodrawupreallypreciseboundariesisthatthere’stoomuch overlap between the stages. They bleed into each other more like thecolorsofarealrainbowandlesslikethecolorsonapaintwheelatahardwarestore.Justwhenyouthinkyou’reoutofonestage,you’llfindyourselfsteppingbackintothepreviousone,andviceversa.Forinstance,Ihopeevenwhenyou’reinthe land of Guiding, you won’t stop learning about your specific version ofawesome.Ihopeifyouhavethechancetohelpsomeoneelsewhileyou’reintheland of Learning you won’t say, “I’d love to lend you a hand, but I haven’tcrossedintoGuidingyet,sooooo...”Theeasiestwaytotellyou’reinthelandofEditingandnolongerinLearningiswithamathmetaphor.Learningisaboutaddition.Editingisaboutsubtraction.InthelandofEditing,you’regoingtotakethefifteenorfifteenhundredthings

you learned and seewhichones seem to stick toyou.What passions, dreams,hopes, and callings will you be carrying deeper into this journey with you?Whichwillyouleaveonthesideoftheroadforsomeoneelsetopickup?Theyarenotbrokenorruined; theyaresimplynotforus.Theyarepartofsomeoneelse’suniquedefinitionofawesome.EditingisthephaseofyourjourneywhereMichelangelostandsinfrontofthemeticulouslyselectedblockofmarble.Outofanentirequarry,thisistheonehehaschosen.Andnow,withachiselandahammerhewillremovethepiecesthatdonotbelongsothatDavidisfinallyrevealed.

CUETHEFOGMyfriendTiminAtlantaoftenmissesbreakfastmeetings.Hedoesn’twantto.Heisactuallyoneofthekindest,mostconscientiouspeopleI’veevermet.Hesendshandwrittenthank-younotesafterheeatsdinneratourhouse,thekindofnotesthatmywifeholdsupandsays,“See?See?Thisishowtobeagentleman.”Buthehasahardtimegettingtobreakfastontimeoratall.OnemorningitwasbecausehisiPhonebatterywasdeadanditsalarmdidn’tgooff.AnothermorningitwasbecausehisiPhonewasinanotherroomandhedidn’thearit.Anothermorningitwasbecausehehadthesoundturneddowntoolowandhedidn’thearit.Andstillanothermorningitwasbecause...well,yougetthepicture.Thesolutiontothisdilemmaisnotverydifficult.Itisnotcomplex.Onemustnotcallabrainstormingmeetingtohashoutpossiblefixes.Thesolutionisa$10alarmclock.It couldn’t be simpler. It automatically fixes all the issues he’s hadwith hisiPhonealarm.Sowhydidn’tTimjustfixtheproblemwiththatsimplesolutionthefirsttimehisiPhoneclockplanfailed?Becausewelovecomplexproblemsandareterrifiedofsimplesolutions.Wetendtoaddcomplexitiestoourchallengesbecauseiftheproblemissimpleto solve, thenwehave to change.Andchange is scary.Sowhen facedwith achallengewereallydon’twanttofix,wetendtoovercomplicatetheissues.Weblameour iPhones fornotwakingusup.Whatdidweevendobeforewehadcellphoneswithalarmclocks?That’sthegreattemptationwiththeEditingstage.Whenwe’rethere,wegetalittleskittishandfireupthefogmachine.Ratherthaneditourlives,i.e.,starttomakedecisions,wecloudourpathandpretendthere’safogofcomplexityintheway. How canwe possibly be expected tomake any progress in this type ofweather?It’dbedangeroustoevengooutonanightlikethis.Maybethiswholeawesomethingwasamistakeandweshouldheadbacktothefamiliarroadofaverage.Andsowe retreat,back towhatwe’vealwaysknown.There is a suffocatingcomfort to it all. Letting go is not easy. The hoarderswe see onTVwho arestockpilingcatsandnewspapershavenothingonusemotionalhoarders.Atleastthe things they refuse to give up create physical piles before their eyes. They

stinkandcauseascenethatcan’tbeignored.Ontheotherhand,thedreamsyou’vealwayshadbutrefusetoactuallyworkontend to create hidden piles you don’t have to look at unless you really forceyourselfto.Thehopesyourefusetoeditandlearntomasterdon’trotsotangibly—at least at first. You can skate through decades without a family memberknowing,butthenonedayyou’llrunintomeonaflighttoBaltimorejustlikethewomanwetalkedaboutinthefirstchapter.Thatnightwemet,shewasessentiallyaskingme thesame thingIhadaskedmyselfatthekindergarteninVietnam.HowdidIgethere?HowdidIgetto72withsofewofmydreamseveractedon?HowdidIgethere?Youwillsaythosefivewordsinyourlife.Everyonewill.Inthemiddleofabadrelationshiporacareeryoufeelisstealingyearsofyourlife,youwillsay,“HowdidIgethere?”Thefirsttimelocalmediainterviewsyouaboutyourwildlysuccessfulbusinessorsomeonewantsyoutosignthebookyouwrote,youwillsay,“HowdidIgethere!”Andtheonlydifferencewillbethepunctuation.If you choose to be awesome, you’ll aim for a whole lot more exclamationpoints and a whole lot fewer question marks. Because it’s not a question ofwhetheryou’llsaythosefivewords.It’saquestionofhowyou’llsaythosefivewords.WillyoubemakingadeclarationlikeathunderstruckbloggerinthemountainsofVietnam?WillyoubeaskingaquestionlikearetireeflyingoverBaltimoreanddecadesoflife?I can’t find the woman I sat next to on that flight. The Internet still has itslimits,butifIcould,InowknowhowIwouldanswerherquestion.IwouldtellherthesamethingI’dtellyou.Start today, regardless of your age. Turn off the fogmachine.Acting on thedreams you learned about in your previous destination is not complicated.WalkingdeeperintothelandofEditingisnotascomplexasfearanddoubtaretryingtotellyouitis.Infact,itstartswithjustonequestion.

THEBIGGESTQUESTIONYOUCANASKOnemorningsomebakeryownersaskedmetohelpthemfigureouttheirpathtoawesome.

Theydidn’thavebig,floppybakerhatsonoranyartisanalbreadswith them,whichwasdisappointing,butIgotoverit.Theystoppedmeinthehallofahotelatabusinessevent.Theyweremarriedandtoldmetheirstory:“We’resickofTexas.Wewantseasonsagain.Andhillsandtrees.We’vegotalittlebakeryintownthatpeoplelove.Wemakedifferentbreadsandsandwiches.It’sgrowingandwe’vestartedtobuildupalocalfollowing.Butnowwewanttomove to Idaho. And we don’t know what we should do when we get there.Shouldweopenanotherbakery?Shouldwefocusonwholesale?Shouldwedocatering?Shouldwehavealittlerestaurant?”Aswetalked,itbecameclearthattheyhadgonethroughalonglistofquestionsastheyjourneyedthroughthelandofEditing:Whatwouldmakethemostmoney?WhatdidthetowninIdahoneed?Whattypeofbusinesscouldtheygrowthefastest?Whattypeofbusinesswouldhavethelowestoverhead?Whichideawouldtaketheleastamountofequipment?TheyhadrunthroughalaundrylistofquestionsbuthadfailedtoaskthemostimportantquestionthereisinthelandofEditing.Sothereinthehall,Isaidtothem,“Well,whatgivesyouthemostjoy?”You would have thought I’d thrown a cat at them. For weeks they’d beendebating themove to Idaho.They’dworkedhardon the challengeofmoving.They’dstudiedanddebated.Theywereattendinganexclusivebusinesseventforhigh-performingentrepreneurswhenImetthem.They’dlookedattheproblemfromeverypossibleangle,exceptone:joy.Mostofusnevergetthere.Weneveraskthequestion,“Whatgivesmethemostjoy?”Ithinksomeofusfeelguiltyevensayingthosewordsoutloud.Asifperhapsit’saselfishthingtothink,Whatgivesmejoy?Asifperhapsjoyisacceptablefor rare moments on the weekend or surprising glimpses of sunsets while onvacation,butithasnorealpurposeintherealworld.Itwouldbeselfishtothinkwecouldhavemorejoy.(Thetruthisthatreallife-changeandthejoyofbeingwhoyouaredesignedtobealwaysresultsinselflessness,notselfishness.)Some of my Christian friends would push back at this idea as a matter ofprinciple.We’vebeensooverwhelmedwith theprosperitygospel,or“name itandclaimit,”thatwe’veswungthependulumtheotherdirectionandthinkthatperhaps the only way to serve God is to make sure we’re miserable. In theprodigal son parable, a young son demands his inheritance from his father,

spendsitallinwildliving,andthenreturnshomeexpectingtobeturnedintoaservantbyhisgreatlydisappointed father. Instead,he is thrownawild, lavish,joyful party. Some Christians in that moment would have refused the party,saying,“No,no, this is toomuch. Is there somewhere Icanserveon the farminstead?Afoot-washingstationperhaps?Thispartyisgivingmewaytoomuchjoy.”Butwhetherornotyou’reaChristian, thepoint iswehaveanuncomfortablerelationshipwithjoywhenitcomestofiguringoutourlives.Soinsteadofasking,“Whatgivesmethemostjoy?”weaskeasierquestions,like, “Whatwillmakeme themostmoney?”That’s not a bad question. It’s agreatquestiontoaskeventually;Ihavenoissuewithmakingmoney.IwrotethisbookonalaptopIboughtwithmoney.Iamafanofmoney.Butmoneyisn’tacalling.It’saconsequence.That’stheproblem;mostofusaskresultsquestions.Whatwillmakemoney?Whatjobsareavailableinthemarketrightnow?Whatindustryisgrowing?WhatdoIhavethemostexperiencedoing?Those are great questions, but they’re not the right questions to ask first,becausetheydon’trevealyourawesome.Thereareamillionthingsthatwillmakeyoumoneybutleaveyoumiserable.That’snotawesome.Your diploma may say “Merchant Marine” and your greatest joy says“Counselor.”Ifsteelmillsarehiringinyourtownandthejobmarketistough,thatdoesn’tmeansteelisyourawesome.Youmayhavespent thirtyyearsbeingapastor,andyourawesomestill says,“Let’sbeabeekeepertoo.”Thosearen’tfictionalexamples.ThosearerealpeopleIknowwhoalldaredtoaskthatquestion,“Whatgivesmethemostjoy?”Idareyoutoaskittoo.

DON’TBUILDPARKBENCHESIFYOULOVEFRISBEEUsually when you come across twomen in the woods with a hammer, it’s acause for concern, especially ifyourhandsaren’tweapons likemine.But thatSaturdayafternoonmydadandIdidn’tstumbleacrosssomethingdangerous—westumbledacrosssomethingawesome.

There, in a small clearing of a large park near our house in Atlanta, wereanotherfatherandson.Thefather,whoIthinkhadabeard,becauseIaddbeardstoalotofpeopleinmymemories,washoldingalongsignpost.Histeenagesonstoodabovehim,slowlyhammeringthepostintoaholetheyhadduginthehardsoil.Turns out they weren’t burying a body—but thanks for that automaticassumption, CBS—they were building signs for the Frisbee golf course. Theholes were scattered about the park and hard to find if you didn’t know thecoursewell.Soonebyone,holebyhole,thisdynamicduowasmarkingthewaywitheighteendifferentsigns.Thefatherlookedupaswewalkeduponthem.Withoutlettinggoofthepost,heexplained,“MysonisgettinghisEagleScoutbadge.Thissurebeatsbuildinganother park bench.”Then he grinned a big (bearded?) smile and got back towork.I’m not an Eagle Scout, but I remember growing up with a kid whowas. Iremembermymomkindofpitchingmetheideabytellingmeabouttheprojectthat had pushed him over the edge and sealed the deal with the Eagle Scoutbadgecommittee.Guesswhathedid?Hecleanedandrepaintedthefirehydrantsinmytown.Now,it’spossiblethathe had a deep passion for fire hydrants.Maybe his daddywas a fire hydrantman.Hisdaddy’sdaddywasafirehydrantman.Hydrantswereinhisblood.Butchancesaregoodthathedidn’tlovethem.Chancesare,hethoughtearningthehonorofbeinganEagleScoutmeantdoingsomethingawful.Hehadtobeamartyranddothethingno“regular”boywoulddo.As you edit your life and search through the things you’re passionate about,don’t build a park bench if you secretly love Frisbee. Don’t buy the lie thatchangingtheworldhastobeachoreormakeyoumiserable.Bebraveenoughtohavefunwithwhateveryouwhittledowninyourlife.

AWESOMEISN’TAJOBTITLEOnedayataconference inOklahomaagentleman tried tostumpmeduringaQ&A session. From the back of the room, his hand shot up and he asked, “Ifeveryonefindstheirdreamjob,whoisgoingtopickupmytrash?”IwouldhaveswepthislegCobraKaistyle,buthewasoldandevenfromthestage I could tell that his bones were brittle. So instead, I stammered someridiculous answer, knowing full well that I would come up with the perfect

responseafewhourslaterasIwasdrivingalonetotheairport.AndIdid.Hereitis:“You’reconfusingawesomewithajobtitle.Awesomeisthecoreofwhoyouare.It’syourheart,yoursoul,thefabricofwhatmakesyou.Ajobtitleisjustaconsequenceofyoulivingoutofyourawesome.I’mnottryingtotellpeopletogooutandfindnewjobtitles;I’mtellingthemtoescapeaverage.”Then,atthatpoint,iftheyhadn’twrestledthemicawayfrommebecausemysweatinesswasindicatinganimminentrant,here’showIwouldhavecontinued:I once had to call the Apple support desk because the Cloud wrecked myiTunes account. I got stuck in the stratosphere and consequently lost all themusic Ihadpurchasedover the last tenyears.So I called themupandhad tospendanhouronthephonewiththecustomerservicerepresentative.Whilewewaited for her to receive information fromanotherdepartment,westarted to talk. Iaskedher,“Isyour jobhard? I’vesatbesidecustomerservicedepartmentsatjobsI’vehad,anditseemslikeitis.”Thatwasaprettysafeassumptiononmypart.Herjobseemedalittlemiserabletome.Everyphonecallshereceivedwasfromsomeonewhowasunhappy.Herphonenever rangwithpeople tellingher thankyouor“I lovemynewlaptop!It’sworkinggreat!Ijustwantedtoletyouknow!”Peopleonlycalledwhentheirphonewasbrokenortheirharddrivehadcrashedor the battery in their laptop had overheated and started a small lap fire. (Orwhen, hypothetically speaking of course, they had spilled coffee inside theirlaptop andwere hoping there was some sort of keyboard shortcut they couldpressthatwouldopenthelaptop’sbilgepump.Control+Alt+3,maybe?)Thinkoftheworstphonecallyougotatworklastweekandthenmultiplythatbyfortyhours,andyou’vegotaclearsenseofherjob.OratleastIthoughtthatwaswhatshewouldsay.Iwaswrong.“Ilovemyjob!”shesaid.“Really?”Ireplied.“Howso?”“Well,therearetwothingsIlove:learningnewthingsandhelpingpeople.AndIgettodothatallday!”Shelitupasshecontinuedtotalkaboutherjob.“EverydayIgettohelppeoplesolvetheirproblems.It’ssofun.AndIgettolearnnewthings.Thetechnologyischangingsofastthateverydayisdifferent,andIgettolearnallaboutthat.”I hung up the phone that day realizing that I had been looking at awesomewithinthecontextofaspecificapplication.That girl’s awesomewas to help people and learn new things.Andonce she

learned that, once she found that out, she could apply it in amillion differentways.Shecouldtakeajobthatalotofpeoplewouldsay,“Itmustbehardtodothat”andhavegreat joy in it.Shehadwalked throughEditingand, insteadofdiggingforaspecificjobtitle,sheuncoveredtwojoys—learningnewthingsandhelpingpeople.Thenshelookedforwaystoapplythosemoreeachday.Sheunderstood thatbeingawesome isabout finding thecoreofwhoyouareandwhat lights you up.Once you’ve discovered that, you can have amilliondifferentjobs.Takeme,forinstance,sinceI’mtheonlyonewritingthisbookrightnow.OnceI editedmy life and realized thatwhat I really cared aboutwas sharing ideas,suddenlytherewereamilliondreamjobsavailable.Icouldbecomeablogger,anauthor, a podcast host, a public speaker, a radio show host, a counselor, aconsultant,oracopywriter.TheworldofdreamjobsopenedupwhenIgottothecoreofwhatIlovetodo—whenIchiseledawaythatchunkofmarbleIfoundinthelandofLearninganddiscovered theDavid statue inside ofme.Once I found that,my jobwas justanotherwayIcouldapplymydiscovery.Mostofusgetitbackward.WenevertakethetimetowalkthroughthelandofEditing.Instead,wespendalittletimeinLearningandthensay,“NowIneedtofindtheperfectjob.”Butwerarelyknowwhatwelovedoingatthatstage,soit’simpossibletofindtherightjob.Weusuallyendupfrustratedandresolvetoletworkjustpaythebills.My current job title is “insight architect.” I admit, that’s a little pretentioussounding.Eventypingitkindofmademethink,Iwonderifthatguyisajerk?(Theanswerisyes,butwe’llcoverthatlaterinthebook.)Butcanyouimagineif, upon leaving the landofLearning, I said, “Insteadof finding the awesomeinsideme,I’mjustgoingtosearchforacompanyhiringinsightarchitects.Howhardcanthatbe?Countryhastobecrawlingwithopenpositionsforthat.”Don’tjustsearchforajobtitle.Searchforawesome.Onceyoufigurethatout,youcanbeacustomercallcenterrepresentativeandstillbeawesome.

BLOWUPYOURSCOREBOARDSSometimespeoplewilltellme,“Yousayeveryonecanfindtheirdreamandbeawesome.What ifmydreamis towinaGrammy,butI’mhorribleatsinging?Whatthen?”That’sagoodchallengeandthetypeofthingthatpeopleoftenthrowinthefaceof thosewhosay, “Youcanbeanythingyouwant tobe.” If I suckat singing,howcanyousayI’llwinaGrammy?Theshortanswerisautotune.Thelonger,morehonestanswerisyouprobablywon’t.Youcan’tbe“anythingyouwant,”butyoucanbesomethingevenbetter: thebestversionofyou.That’salwaysmoreenjoyablethantryingtoforceyourselftobesomethingyouweren’tdesignedtobe(pleaserefertomydreamsofbeingin the NBA). Youwant to win a Grammy even though you have nomusicalability?Thatprobablyisn’tgoingtohappen.Butthat’sokaybecausewinningaGrammyisn’tyourawesome.It’snotanyone’s.It’sjustaresultonascoreboard.So,whatifyourawesomeistosing?Whatifyourawesomeistoexpressthenatural singing talent you have inside you, that bubbling, passionate talentyou’vekeptquiet forsomanyyears?What ifyoudon’tneed theGrammys tovalidateyourdream?Whatiftherealdefinitionofawesomeisassimpleas“singingmoretodaythanIdidyesterday”?Thatmaysoundsilly,butIassureyouit’spowerful.Withthatdefinition,yougettosucceedeverytimeyousing.Yougettosucceedevery time you open yourmouth and your heart and let out that talent that isdyingtoseethelightofday.YougettobeSeryn.They’reabandfromDenton,Texas.Theykindof remindmeofMumford&Sons with more instruments and fewer British accents. Each member playsapproximately thirty-seveninstruments,andtheyconstantlyswitch themout inthemiddleofsongs.I first saw themplay at a conference in front of 13,000people. Iwas blownaway by the energy they filled that arena with that day. Their passion wasunbridled,asiftheycouldn’tbelievetheygottoplaymusicinfrontofpeople.Iwroteabout themonFacebook.A fewdays later aguynamedLarry in thetown next to ours emailed me. He said, “I saw you liked that band Seryn.They’replayingahouseshowinmylivingroom.Doyouandyourwifewanttocomeseethem?”Wedid.

An hour after we arrived, Seryn arrived from New York and set up all theaforementionedinstrumentsinLarry’slivingroom.Theytunedeverything,hadasipofwater,andthenlaunchedintotheirset.Ifawesomeweremeasuredona scaleof1 to10, I expected they’dplayatathreeorafour,whatevertheappropriatelevelofmusicisforacorneroftaupecarpetnexttoaloveseat.Iwaswrong.Thesamejoythatdominatedthestagebefore13,000peoplewasondisplayinaroom full of eighty friends. Itwas likeSeryn couldn’t helpbut play thatway.Thatwaswhatwasinsidetheirhearts.Inthatmoment,Ilearnedasimplelessonaboutbeingawesome:alwaysplay to the sizeofyourheart,not to the sizeofyouraudience.Awesome doesn’t let the crowd determine the size of the performance.Awesomegetsupfortwopeopleor200.Awesomewritesgreatbooksevenifnooneisgoingtoreadthem.Awesomesweepsthepartsofstorefloorsthatnofootwillevertouch.Awesomecan’thelpitself.Awesomehasahugeheart.Andthat’swhatitalwaysplaysto.Thesizeofthecrowddoesn’tmatter.Theapplauseoftheaudiencedoesn’tmatter.Themoneyyoumakesingingdoesn’tmatter.Don’t getmewrong; I hope you get all those things. I hope you have hugeaudiences and screaming fans and more money than ScroogeMcDuck in hismoneybin.Butmorethanthat,Ihopeifyourdefinitionofawesomeistosing,youdoitoften.Andyourealizealongthewaythatsingingofteniswhatreallymatters.Ifyouliveyourlifethatway,theresultsbecomegravyinsteadofthemissingingredienttoyourjoy.Ifyoucangrabholdofthisconcept,youcanstartlivinganawesomeliferightthissecond.Youdon’tneedtheGrammystovalidateyourversionofawesome.Evenifsomedaytheydo.ThathappenedtomyfriendDaveBarnes. He wrote a song that got nominated for a Grammy, and we were allexcited forhim.Butwhatwasevenmoreamazingwas that for adecadehe’dbeenmakingthemusichewantedtomakeeveryday.TheGrammynominationwas a delightful consequence of the awesome life he’d been living, not avalidation of it. There’s a world of difference, whether you’re a musician, amom,abusinessowner,orallthree.

THEDIAMONDMINEThoughthisbookdoesn’tofferanyget-rich-quickschemes,thereisadiamondmineontheroadtoawesomethatyouneedtovisitasyoupassthroughthelandofEditing.Haveyoueverbeengemmining?It’s exactly like it sounds, only the gems aren’t really gems, and theminingisn’treallymining.Itshouldbemoreaptlytitled“gravelbathing,”butchancesarethatmountaintouristswouldn’tbeinterestedinthatactivity.Here’showitworks:On the side of the road in a small mountain community like Boone, NorthCarolina,youbuyabucketofgravelanddirtfroma“gemmine.”Youthenpourthegravelanddirtintoasmallcontainerandholditunderathinstreamofwaterthatrunsthroughatrough.Asyouwashoffthemud,youstarttoseegemslikeamethyst and fool’s gold. You pluck out the best rocks, clean them, and thenhaveoneof thegemstoreowners tellyou thatyou found someamazingonestoday, at which point you hot glue them to a picture frame that is now thesharpest,mostdangerousiteminyourhouse.Lastsummer,duringourannual triptoseeourin-laws,wewentgemmining.At theendof theday,wesat at acounterwhileageologist tolduswhateachrock meant. He was getting his degree in geology at a local university andactuallyknewanincredibleamountabouteachstone.Heturnedthemoverinhishandscarefully,describingeachnuanceandtheforcesofnaturedeepinsidetheearththatconspiredtocreatethem.He’dgrabasmallflashlightandshineitintoarock toreveal thegreenhueofanemeraldhiddeninside.He’dwashcrusteddirt off a bit of rock and show the amethyst that was hiding just below thesurface.Therockswerebeautiful,withexplosionsofcolorandlightthatseemedtorivalthat ofmore expensive stones like rubies anddiamonds.But at the endof theday, theywere just rocks. So he placed them in an old plastic bag,wrotemydaughter’snameontheoutsidewithaSharpie,andhandeditbacktoher.Aswedrovehome,Istartedtowonder,Whydosomerocksgettoberocksandsomerocksgettobediamonds?There are certainly some mechanical characteristics that make diamondsvaluable,buttheirpriceisnowherenearwhattheyareactuallyworth.Thereareactuallyseveralgemstonesthatarefarmorerarethandiamonds.1Sohowcomeadiamondisadiamondandanyotherrockisjustarock?Becausesomebodydecidedthat’showitworks.

Adiamondis justarockwecollectivelyassignedthehighestvalueto.That’swhythesupplyissocarefullyguardedandmonitored,makingadiamondworthalotofmoneyandanotherstoneworthaspotonapictureframe.InsidethemineinthelandofEditing,you’vegottodecidewhatinyourlifeisgoingtobeadiamondandwhat’sgoingtobearock.Yougettomakethatdecision.Yougettoassignvaluetothethingsinyourlife,andthevalueyouassignwillradicallychangehowyouinteractwiththem.Scientists call this “value attribution.” The value we place on things is apowerful, powerful force. In someways it guides our perception of the entireplanet.TheWashingtonPostprovedthisoncewithawell-knownstoryaboutaviolinistandasubway.Onemorning, in themiddleof rushhour, theyplacedJoshuaBell,oneof theworld’sgreatestviolinists,onasubwayplatform,dressedincasualclothes.Intohis skilled hands they placed a $3.5 million violin designed by AntonioStradivari in 1713.He then proceeded to play themost complicated, amazingarrangementsofmusic.Canyouimaginehowmanypeoplepausedduringtheircommutetotakeinaconcertthatwouldnormallycosthundredsofdollarsinoneoftheworld’sgreatestconcerthalls?Theanswerisseven.More than 1,000 people passed Bell as he played, and only seven peoplestoppedtolisten.2Only seven people stopped for a minute to give the moment the gravity itcertainlydeserved.Thethousandotherpeoplewhowalkedby?Astheauthorsofthe book Sway suggest, they had already assigned value to that subwayperformer. The sound of the beautiful music wafting through the air couldn’tchangethat.Thedesignofthemultimillion-dollarviolincouldn’tbreakthroughthat.Thespeedandundeniableskilltheviolinist’shandsdemonstratedcouldn’tbreakthrougheither.“As theypassedbyBell,”writeOri andRomBrafman, “most subway ridersdidn’t even glance in his direction. Instead of hearing an outstanding concert,theyheardstreetmusic.”3Theyhaddecidedthesubwaywasfullofrocks,andtheappearanceofoneoftheworld’sgreatestdiamondswasn’tgoingtochangethat.Ididn’tparticularlyliketheimplicationsvalueattributionhadinmyownlife.Itwasfuntosay,“Mykidsareatopprioritytome,mywifeisatopprioritytome,whatIwriteisatopprioritytome,”butsometimesIfoundmyselftreatingthemlikerocks.HowdidIknow?BecauseIwasn’tgiving themthemostvaluablecurrencyI

own—time.Iwasforcedtoaskmyself,Aremywifeandkidsandwritinggettingthebestofmy timeandcreativityor therestofmy timeandcreativity?Was I calling theright things diamonds and the right things rocks? Or was it possible I had itbackward?That’sthegoalofourentiretimeinthelandofEditing.Wehaveto,andmoreimportantlyget to decidewhatwe’ll call diamonds andwhatwe’ll call rocks.Thatdecision,andourabilitytoconstantlycomebacktoittomakesurewe’restayingtrue,hasthepowertochangethewayyouseetheentireworld.The challenge to editing your own value system is that the world willconstantlytrytoconvinceyouthatyou’vegotitwrong.Whenyouwalkoutofthemineholdingyourdiamondsinyourhand,therestoftheworldmaytrytoconvinceyoutheyarerocks.Don’tlisten.Youshouldneverchaseawesomewithsomeoneelse’sdefinition.

FINDINGYOURDIAMONDSLet’snotovercomplicatethis.It’s actually really easy to find your diamonds.They’re hidden in plain sightrightonyourcalendar.Infact,timeistheonlyhonestindicationofwhatreallymatterstous.Intentionsareambitious liars. Ifyouaskyour intentionswhatyourdiamondsare right now, they’ll tell youwhatever it is youwant to hear. Instead, we’regoingtodoaquickinterviewofyourcalendar.Inthelasttwenty-fourhours,whatdidyouspendyourtimedoing?Inthelastweek,whatreceivedthegreatestdepositofyourtime?Work,probably,buthowmuchdiditreallyget?Andwheredidtherestofyourweekgo?WhenIwalkedoutofthediamondminebelievingmywife,kids,andwritingweremypriorities,Ihadtoconsultmycalendar.WhatitinstantlyrevealedwasthatIwasspendingfiftytosixtyhoursaweekworking.Itfurtherindicatedthatmywifeandkidsweregettingalmond-thinsliversofmytime—somethinglikeone-tenththatamount.My intentions told me what they had always told me: You’re such a greathusband!You’resuchagreatfather!Butmycalendartoldadifferentstory.Realizing this, guesswhat I did atmy next job? Iworked from7:00 a.m. to4:00p.m.Not everybodydid. Itwasn’t a given. Itwas something I had to bedeliberateabout,somethingIhadtoprotect.ButIcouldn’tignoremyfamilyandtreatthemlikerocksallthewhilepretendingIwastreatingthemlikediamonds.Wanttofindtherocksanddiamondsinyourlife?Lookatyourcalendar.Don’tlikewhatyoufind?Editit.Youownthecalendar.It’syouremployee.Youdon’treport to it; it reports to you. Edit it down so that diamonds can remaindiamonds.

THEPROBLEMOFMULTIPLEPASSIONSMyfriendMattisapastor.Onedayheandhiswifewroteabook.Ittooklongerthanoneday,butthat’showfastyouassumeotherwritersareabletofinishtheirbooks.Hewasexcitedaboutthebookreleasingbuthadabitofadilemma.Churchesacrossthecountrywereaskinghimtospeakabouthisbook,buthecouldn’tgobecauseheworkedonSundays.(Mydadwasapastor,andifyou’rewonderingwhatpastorsdotherestoftheweek,theanswerisFrisbee.It’sessentiallyaone-day-a-weekprofession.Cush.)Mattaskedmeifheshouldtakeasix-monthsabbaticalfromthechurchwhenthebookcameoutsothathecouldgospeakaboutit.I toldhiminaramblingwaywhatIthoughtandthencamehome.I shared the challenge with my wife. I described it as a real pickle. Jennylistenedforthirtysecondsandthensolvedthedilemmawithasinglequestion.“Ishetryingtobeapastororanauthor?Ifhislong-termgoalistobeanauthorwho writes books and travels around the country speaking at 100 differentchurches, then he should take the sabbatical. If his goal is to be a pastor of achurch, then he shouldn’t take the sabbatical. He’s already accomplishing hisgoal.Beingawayfromhisownchurchforsixmonthswouldbefailure.”Dangit,Jennyandyoursuccinctwisdom!She was right. The answer to Matt’s dilemma was pretty simple. What didsuccesslooklike?IfheweretogoinsidetheobservatorytowerthatisalongthepaththroughEditing,whatwouldheseeinthedistance?If there were two paths in the woods—two passions from which he couldchooseonetofollow—whichoneendedthewayhewantedittoend?From the observatory tower, which path led to the destination he was mostexcitedabout?Thoseare the samequestions I’daskyou ifwewerehavingcinnamondulcelattes.If you’vegot apileof possibilities in front of you right nowand the ideaofediting is overwhelming, step up into the observatory tower and gaze into thelandofHarvesting.Whichdestinationfeelslikesuccess?Whichonefeelsgood,butnotgreat?Whichonefeelsokay,butnotawesome?WhenIdidthisexercise,itforcedmetorealizethattoprogressasacopywriterin the company I worked for, I would probably need to become a creativedirector.Iwouldmanageprojectsandpeople,whichwouldmeanI’dspendless

timeactuallywriting.ThatprettyquicklybecameadestinationIwasn’teagertoarriveat.Ifyou’vegottenpaths,thissimpleexercisewillhelpyoueliminateafewprettyquickly. Especially the ones you’re just good at. Just because you’re good atsomething doesn’t mean it’s the road to awesome for you. You may be anamazingdentist.Youareable to fixpeople’s teethby justgazingat themwithyour eyes. But if you were honest, if you didn’t have the practice, if peopledidn’t constantly tell youhowgreatyouare at dentistry, if youhadn’t alreadyinvested somuchof your life down that path,wouldyou admit, “I don’t lovebeingadentist”?That’swhathappenedtoafriendofminewhowrotemethisemail:

Iam28yearsoldandrecentlygraduatedfromdentalschool.Iamcurrentlyworking as a dentist for a chain of dental offices. Thismay seemwell andgood, especially financially, but about halfway through school, I discoveredthat I really have no passion for the dental profession. I have no hopes anddreamsforthefuture.Idon’twantmyownpracticeoranythinglikethat.Iamnothappypracticingdentistryandbasically just tolerateeachday.EachdayseemstogetworseasImovealong,andgiventhatI’veonlybeendoingitforabouteightmonths,Idon’tknowwhatwillhappenafewyearsfromnow....Basically,Iamlistlessandboredatwork.IjustfeellikeI’mdriftingandthatI’mmissingbiggerandbetteropportunitiesoutthere.Don’tgetmewrong,Ihave a very good job—it payswell and I have good benefits—but I’m nothappyatall.Ihavenointentionsofquittingatthetime,butIwouldifIdidn’thave amassive loan debt from school and a degree that only offersme theluxuryofpracticingdentistry.

Canyouimaginethepressurethatguyisfeeling?Canyouimaginewakingupat28with$200,000instudent loansandrealizingyou’re in thewrongcareer?Everythingyou’veworkedsohardfor,allthedecisionsyoumade,alltheclassesyou took, everything you aimed at, brought you to a “How did I get here?”moment—questionmark,notexclamationpoint.Heknewindentalschool that thedestinationonthehorizonwasn’twherehewanted to endup.Whydidn’t he stop?Whydidn’t hequit right then andnotbecomeadentist?ThesamereasonyouandIendupinplacesweneverintendedtobe.Withathousandsmallsteps.Withapremedclassincollege.Withaloanapplicationonesummer.Withthe

firstclassandsecondclassand thirdclassofdentalschool.Untilonedayyouwake up and you realize you don’t want to be a dentist or a lawyer or ananything.Andfeargetsloudinthatmoment.Feartellsyou,“It’stoolate.”It’s too late tochangenow.You’vemadesomanydecisionsalready—it’s toolatetofixthemorchangedirections.“It’stoolatetobeagoodparent.”“It’stoolatetogobacktoschool.”“It’stoolatetostartanewprofession.”“It’stoolatetobeanythingbutwhatyoualreadyare.”Inthosemoments,fearanddoubtandshamecrippleus.We’resofrustratedatourselvesthatwegiveup.Wefinishthesecondhalfofdentalschool,doubleourdebt,andgivefearafewmoreyearsofourlives.I’mnotsurewhatbroughtyoutothismoment.Idon’tknowwhatpassionsyoubroughtintotheobservatoryandsawthroughthattelescope.Idon’tknowhowmanyobstaclesyouhaveinyourpath.ButIdoknowthis.It’snottoolate.It’snevertoolatetostart.“It’stoolate”isaliethatwillstaywithyouifyouletit.Sodon’t.Look through the telescope and seewhat awesome really looks like for you.Chancesare,it’scloserandalotmorepossiblethanyouthink.Does thatmean ifwe’veaccruedsomebillsoramassedsome responsibilitiesthatwe’regoingtoignorethemandjust“goforit”?No.Never.Thatmind-setisa dream killer. There’s nothing awesome about kicking off your dream on afoundationofbrokenpromisesandignoredresponsibilities.We’regoingtopayoffourdebts.We’regoingtoedittheunnecessarypiecesofmarblearoundusandthenhustleintherightdirection.We’re going towork harder thanwe’ve everworked aswe enter the landofMastering.Ifthetelescoperevealsadefinitionofawesomewe’renotexcitedabout,we’regoing to leave that dream in the observatory tower, even if that seems verycostly.That’sthepressureBillWatterson,thecreatoroftheCalvinandHobbescomicstrip,facedyearsago.Hehadtensofmillionsofdollarsonthetableifhe’djustlicenseCalvinandHobbes for products.Amug here, a greeting card there, acalendarandapairofboxershorts—therewasnoendtothelistofproductsBillWattersoncouldhaveputhisworkon.Itwouldhaveguaranteedhimafortune.

Sothenwhydidn’thegothelicensingroute?I’lllethimexplain:Asapracticalmatter, licensingrequiresastaffofassistants todothework.Thecartoonistmustbecomeafactoryforeman,delegatingresponsibilitiesandoverseeing production of things he does not create. Some cartoonists don’tmindthis,butIwentintocartooningtodrawcartoons,nottorunacorporateempire. If I were to undermine my own characters like this, I would havetakentherareprivilegeofbeingpaidtoexpressmyownideasandgivenituptobeanordinarysalesmanandahiredillustrator.4

Wattersonstoodintheobservatoryandsawaharvesthedidn’twant.Evenwithmillionsofdollarson the line,hewalkedaway from the licensing.The joyofcartooning and the magic of the story he got to tell were worth more thanbecoming a master at something he had never wanted to do. WasWattersonalready wealthy from the comic strip? Without a doubt, but if you read anyarticleabouthimyouseeapictureofsomeonewhowouldhavedrawncartoonsfor free because that was his awesome.Andwhen presentedwith an offer totrade it in for what many would call success, he passed. May we all lovewhateveritiswedothatmuch.4

STILLTOOMANYPASSIONS?Hopefully you left a handful of passions in the observatory tower. You likeknitting,butrunningyourownknittingstoredoesn’tsoundveryfun.Thatoneisjustgoingtobeahobby,notyourroadtoawesome.Butchancesare,youstillhaveanumberofthingsyouthinkcouldbeawesome.That’s okay. I had twenty-six different 1099s in 2010 as Iwalked through theland of Learning. In addition tomy full-time job, I triedmy hand at fourteendifferent freelance writing projects. From video scripts to PowerPointpresentationsandeverythinginbetween.IexperimentedinthelandofLearning.That’s what learning is all about, trying a lot of different things in a lot ofdifferentways.Butwe’reEditingnow,andmaybeyoudon’tknowwhichpassionsmatterthemosttoyou.Peopleoftentellmethat.“Ihavemultiplepassions.Idon’tknowwhichonetostartonfirst.”Ithinkthat’sanawesomeproblemtohave.Therearetoomany things you enjoy in life. Boom! Congratulations. There is a dangerwiththat,though,becausepeoplewithtoomanypassionstendtodosomethingnobodyeversaysoutloud.Outloudtheysay,“Ihavetoomanypassions.Idon’tknowwhich one to start on first.” But what they reallymean is, “I have too

manypassions.SoIwon’tstartonany.”Thentheyputtheirdreamsbackontheshelf.Foranotherweek.Oranothermonth.Oranotherdecade.If that’s you—if you have toomany passions and don’t knowwhich one tofocuson—here’swhatyoudo:Pickoneandstart.Don’t try to prioritize your list. I used to tell people to do this, and itwas amistakeonmypart. Iwouldsay,“Makea listofallyourpassions, frommostinteresting to least interesting. Then start working on the one you are mostinterestedin.”This seemed like good advice, but it’s not.Whatwould inevitably happen isthat the prioritization lessonwould become another point of paralysis. I’d sayfifty times,“Asyoumakeyour list,don’t try tomake itperfect.Gothroughitquickly.Itdoesn’thavetobeperfect.”Andthenpeoplewouldtaketheirhandfulofpassionsandimmediatelygetstucktryingtocomeupwithaperfectlist.Thelist ismiserable.It’sacripplingwasteof time.Instead, justpickoneandstart.Ifthey’reallpassions,thenwhatistheworstthingthatcanhappen?Youspendtime doing something you enjoy and realize along the way it’s not what youenjoythemost?Howisthatafail?That’scalledanedit.Ifyouwaittocreateaperfectprioritizedlistorjustsimplywaitbecauseyoudon’tknowwheretostart,youareguaranteedzeropercentjoybecauseyou’veworkedonzeropercentofyourpassions.I’mhorribleatmath,butevenIknowsomeisbetterthannone.Startonsomething.Edititifit’snotyourawesome.Moveontothenextthing.

THESEESAWOnedaymyfriendPrestoncameintomyofficeandsaid,“Doyouwanttobeawriterwhospeaksoraspeakerwhowrites?”Atfirstwhenheaskedmethat, it felt likesomesortofBuddhist riddle.LikemaybehewasgoingtohitmewithabamboostaffifIdidn’tanswerfastenough.Fortunately he didn’t, because it took me six months to understand what hemeant.WasIgoingtobeawriterwhowritesbooksandthentravelstoeventstospeakaboutthem?OrwasIgoingtobeaspeakerwhowritesspeeches?IfIwasgoingtobeawriter,Ihadtoaskmyself,Whatdowritersdo?ThisoneisgoingtogoquicklysoI’llrepeatit,but...theywrite.Letmesaythatagainbecauseit’sjaw-dropping:theywrite.Writers write, right? That’s their first priority. They don’t book a millionspeechesthroughouttheyearthatpreventthemfromwriting.Theyblockofftheircalendarsandwrite.Theyresearchbooksandwrite.Theygotowritingconferencestohonetheircraftandwrite.Speakers?Theydojusttheopposite.Theybookasmanyspeakingengagementsaspossibleandspeak.Theyworkupasmanyspeechesaspossibleandspeak.Theyattendspeakingconferencestohonetheircraftandspeak.WhenIbrokeitdownthatsimply,itwasprettyeasytosayyestosomethingsandnotoothers.Most of the time we try to stand in the middle of the passion seesaw andbalanceperfectly.We’reafraid topick thewrong thing, sowe justhover thereinsteadofjumpingononeside.TheabsurdityisthatwhenIpickedwriting,itdidn’tmeanInevergottospeak.IspokemoretimeslastyearthanIeverhave.I’llspeakdozensoftimesthisyearandlovedoingthat.Ididn’thavetodecidenevertodooneofmypassions.Ijusthad to decide that there was going to be a winner—the awesome above allawesome.Therewasgoing tobe a firstplace if the twopassions,writingandspeaking,everwentheadtohead.And of course they overlap. Most of our passions do. Right now, it’s veryunlikelyyourpassionsare“beamarinebiologist,becomeaBedouinshepherd,orbeastocktraderonWallStreet.”Editingyourlistwon’tusuallypreventyoufrom ever doing your other passions.More often than not, your focus on onepassionhelpsyougetevenbetteratanotherone.

When I focused on being a writer, I got better at writing speeches andpresentations.Ididn’tgetridofthepassiontospeak.Speakingactuallybecameeasier.Itjustwasn’tmyfinaldestinationontheroadtoawesome.Iwantedtobeawriter.

MOUNTAINCLIMBERAone-leggedmountainclimberoncetaughtmesomethingreallyinteresting.He’d lost his leg in a climbing accident but still lived on the mountain. Inbetween taking photos for magazines he can be found clinging to cliffs andwhatnot.Atanevent, I talked tohimabout theonlymountain-climbingstory Ihad. Itwasashortonethatbasicallywentlikethis:“Have you seen the cover of the recent National Geographic? That guystandingonthecliff?Howcrazyisthat?”ThatwasallIhad.Justlikethat,Iwasoutofmountain-climbingmaterial.Fortunately,hehadplenty.“That’sAlexHonnold.I’mfriendswithhim.He’samazing.”AlexHonnoldisoneofthetopsoloclimbersintheworld.Soloclimbingmeansheclimbswithout ropesandwithoutanyoneelse.Theonly thinghebringsonthemountain is a small bag of chalk and his iPod (probablywith theQuitteraudiobookonrepeat).Hethenscalesathousandfeetupacliff,carefullyputtinghis calloused fingers in inch-wide fissures so that he doesn’t plummet to hisdeath.Thisclimber/photographerfriendtoldmethatAlexwasstartingtogetalotofnationalmediaattention.OneafternoonateamofphotographerstiedthemselvestodifferentpartsofthemountainsothattheycouldcaptureAlexasheascended.Alexwentsofast,thephotographerscouldn’tkeepup.Everyfewhundredfeethe was forced to find three inches of ledge and pause there while thephotographersrepositionedtheirropesandgear.“How is Alex handling all of this newfound fame?” I asked. “Being on thecoverofNationalGeographicisnojoke.”Thephotographerthoughtforafewsecondsandthensaid,“Well,IthinkAlex’spointofviewis,‘Iamgoingtoclimbmountains,becausethat’swhatIdo;I’mamountainclimber.Soifyouwanttocomealongandtakephotosofmeandpaymemoneytodoit,that’scool.Iwasgoingtodothisanyway.’”Alexwasgoingtoclimbmountains.That’swhathedoes.That’swhoheis.Hisroad to awesome is just like yours except it’s vertical. And if you ever see avideoofhim,you’llknowinstantlythathe’sdoingtherightthing.Onthegroundhe’s kind of awkward. He seems uncomfortable and completely out of hiselement.Onthemountainhetransforms.Hewasgoingtodoitanyway.Howaboutyou?Whatwereyougoingtodoanyway?

Weallhavesomething like that.Weallhaveapassionor two likeAlex.Forme, it’s creating ideas. I love that I get paid towrite books and consult withcompanies.Botharealotoffun.Butregardlessofthemoney,Iwasgoingtodothosethingsanyway.BecauseI’mawriter.That’swhatwritersdo.Theyshareideas.

WHODOYOUNEEDTOBEWHENYOUENTERTHELANDOFMASTERING?MyfriendThadCockrellgavemetheanswer.He’samusician.AfewmonthsagohestartedanewprojectcalledLeagues.Afterasuccessfulsolocareer,hedecidedtostrikeoutonanewadventurewithabrand-newband.Before they started recording the album, he called the guitar player and thedrummerandthekeyboardplayerandtheaudioengineerandanyonewhowasevenremotelygoing tobe involvedwith theproject,andhe told themwhoheneededthemtobe.Theirsecretselves.Callbycall,he’dsay,“Ineedyoutobeyoursecretselfonthisalbum.Ineedyoutobethepersonyou’vealwaysknownyoucouldbedeepdowninsidebutwere afraid to be. The person you’ve always dreamed of being. I need thatpersononthisalbum.Ineedyoutobeyoursecretself.”That’swhatIneedyoutobeasweenterthelandofMastering.It’stimetobeyoursecretself.

6:Mastering

6

MASTERING

YOUREADYFORABARFIGHT?Idon’t thinkI’msupposedtouse thephrase“barfight”asaChristian,but inthiscase,myhandsarereallytied.Canyouthinkofanotherphrasethatmeans“stoolgettingbrokenoversomeone’sback”?Ican’t.Maybe“potluckfight”or“churchpicnicbrawl,”butneitherofthosecapturesthefuryofanold-fashionedbarfight.Andawesomeisalwaysupforoneofthose.Adreamyoudon’thavetofightforisn’tadream—it’sanap.AndwhilenapsaredelightfulandenjoyedbestonSundayafternoon,theydoverylittletomoveyouclosertoawesome.Anapchangesyourafternoon.Awesomechangesyourworld.WhichiswhyIhadabarfightwithDaveRamsey.WhenIwantedtonamemylastbookQuitter,hepushedback.Hefelt that itwasabittoonegativeandwouldn’tmakeagreattitle.Wewentroundandroundviaafewemailsuntilfinallywedecidedtohaveameeting.Iwasanervouswreck. I thinkat somepoint Iwon’tbe intimidatedbyDaveRamsey anymore—probably around 2032 that will happen. But he’s soldmillions of books, has a personality that fills arenas, and spends every weekgivingfivemillionpeopleadviceviahisradioshow.He’sanentrepreneurwho,after clawing his way back from bankruptcy, has spent the last twenty yearsbuildingasuccessfulbusiness,fightingandscrappingtheentiretime.Theweekendbefore themeeting, I practiced themini speech Iwas going togive him. On Saturday afternoon, I set up an office in my home so I couldrehearsehowIwouldsitandwhatIwoulddowithmyarms.DoIleanonmyleftwhilepointingwithmy right for emphasis,which ismypowerarm?Do Icrossmyarmstoestablishmyseriousness,oristhatbadbodylanguage?Ihadeverythingreadyforourmeetingat4:30p.m.thatMonday.At9:35a.m.,myphonerang.Itwasmyteamleader,whosaid,“Hey,Daveisinmyofficeandwants to talk about the title of your book.”Ohhhh, time change.Well played,DaveRamsey.Wellplayedindeed.SoImarchedup to theoffice,sweatyanda little throw-uppy.Isatdownand

toldhimwhythetitlehadtobeQuitter.ItoldhimI’dquitsixoftheeightjobsI’vehadinmylife.I toldhimthat,of theother two,Iwasfiredfromoneandasked to leave the other. I laid out the grossness ofmy previous employmenthistoryasproof thatIwas indeedaquitter. Iwasanxiousaboutwhathe’dsaywhenheheardmybackground,but I had to fight for the title I believed in. Itmatteredtome,andIdidn’tknowhowmuchuntilIgotintoafightaboutit.Hispushbackhelpedmedefinemydream.Itcalledoutnewpassionandnewenergyforthetitleandthebook.I’dpresentedadozenotherweaktitlestotheteam,butIdidn’tcareaboutthem.Itwasn’tuntilIwaspushedintothecornerandforcedtofightthatmydreamaboutthebookreallystartedtocrystallize.That’showtheroadtoawesomeworks.You’regonnagetyourhandsdirtyinabarfight.You’regonnastepintothefrayof ameeting and throw some elbows.Awesome is not a casual affair.There’salways some degree of scuffle. Some degree of opposition. And as long asyou’repursuingyourtrueawesome,youwon’tshrinkfromafight.WelcometothelandofMastering.It’stimetothrowsomeelbows.

ISPENTSOMETIMEINREHABIn 2008, I decided I wanted to be a public speaker. After writing, it was thesecondthingIwantedtolearnhowtomaster.Ihadhope,passion,andgreatgobsofdesiretobeapublicspeaker.Theonlyproblemwasthatnooneelsecared.Nobodywouldbookmetocomespeak.Andthatwasagooddecisionontheirpart.Iwashorrible.But I was caught in a vicious cycle not unlike the one college graduatesdiscover when they hit the real world looking for a job. This cycle is notuncommon when you enter the land of Mastering: You don’t have anyexperience. The onlyway to get experience is to get a job.But every job forwhichyouapplyinsistsyoustillneedexperience.Andaroundagainyougo.Then I found a loophole in the system. It was in the last placemost peoplewouldlook—rehab.A church near us had a residential rehab program. They had twelve peoplelivingin thefacilityatanygiventime.Theywerealwayslookingforspeakersbecausenooneaimsattherehabcrowd.Whenyouaspire tobeapublic speaker,youaim forhugecrowdswithhugestagesandhugepaychecks.Speakingtotwelvepeople,whoareinthethroesofone of theworst seasons of their lives, for free, is not exactly amoment you

aspireto.SowhydidIdoit?

Itwasawesome.Oneofmydreamsistosharehopewithpeople.Talkaboutagroupwhoneededsomeencouragement.Sometimeswegetsocaughtupinwaitingfortheperfectcontext—the one we’ve always had in our heads—in order to begin beingawesome.It’sahorriblemistake.Awesomestartsthemomentyoudowhatyoulove. If you truly love doing it, the environment inwhich you do it shouldn’tmatter(remembertheApplecustomerservicerep?).

Theywon’tletyouphoneitin.Peopleinrehabarelearninghowtocommunicatehonestly.Theywon’tletyoucomeinandsleepwalkthroughaspeech.Ihadtodigdeepandspeakfrommyheart.Thatwasaninvaluableexperience.

Nobodyelsewasdoingit.Do you know howmany other public speakers asked the rehab center if theycouldspeaktherethesamemonthIdid?Zero.Forsomeonewhowashorribleatpublicspeaking,thatwasthelevelofcompetitionIwasreadytohandle.Ionlygottodoitacoupletimes,butIlovedit.AndafewyearsafterIspokethere,someoneapproachedmeafteranevent.Hesaid,“Iheardyouthefirsttimeyouspoke.Iwasinrehab,andthatmeantalottome.”Wanttobemoreawesomeatwhateveritisyou’vechosentomaster?Findyourversionofrehab—somewhereyoucanpracticebeingawesome.

GETEXPERIENCEIfyou’renottryingtobeapublicspeaker,whatdoes“rehab”looklikeforyou?Thethreebestthingsyoucandotogetsomeexperienceare:

Volunteer.Takeapart-timejob.Beled.Noneofthoseoptionsareparticularlysexy,buttheyareincrediblyeffective.

Volunteer.Sometimesmyfriendswilltellme,“I’mstartinganonprofit!”I’llaskthemwhatthatmeans,and they’llsay,“I registeredaTwitteraccountandboughtaURL,andImightdoakickstartercampaign.”“Haveyoubeentothecountryyournonprofitwillfocuson?”“Yes,Ispentfourdaysthereonce.”“Have you ever worked with an organization that is already on the groundthere?”“No.Why?”Andthat’swhenIbegthemtovolunteerfirst.I hopeyou start amillionnonprofits. I hopeyou start amillionbusinesses. Ihopeyoustartmanydifferentthings.Butdon’tbesoeagertorushthroughthelandofMasteringthatyourefusetovolunteer.Wethinkasix-monthperiodofvolunteeringwilldelayusfromourdream.Wearewrong.Volunteeringdoesnotslowyoudown.Itspeedsyouup.Itgivesyouacrash-courseeducationthatwillbeinvaluableonceyoulaunchwhateveritisyouwantto launch. It teaches you lessons you’d rather learnwhen your future isn’t atstake.AmIrecommendingyouquityourdayjobtodayandvolunteerforsixmonths?No. I’m suggesting that, in the land of Mastering, you make a conscious,deliberateeffort to findavolunteersign-upsheet. Itdoesn’thave tobeasoupkitchen. Throw out your old definition of “volunteer.” The new definition ofvolunteeris“anyactivitythatletsyoutradetimeforexpertise.”Thatcanbealmostanything.MyfriendJeffGoinswanted tobeanawesomeblogger.Soinsteadofjustfocusingonhisblog,hecreatedaveryintentionallist

ofblogshewouldguestpostfor.Formorethanayear,hewroteguestpostsforfreeforotherblogs.Didhegetbetteratblogging?Youbet.Didhisvolunteeringleadtogreatrelationshipsinthebloggingcommunity?Absolutely.Didhisownblog,hisawesome,growasaresultofhisvolunteering?Significantly.Wouldyourstoo?There’snodoubt.

Takeapart-timejob.Onemorning,whilewaitingforataxiinahotellobby,Italkedwithadriverwhohadcometopickupsomeoneelse.HewasaniceguyandproceededtotellmeafewstoriesabouthislifeinFlorida.Outofwork,hehadtakenthedrivingjobasastopgap.Hishousewasupsidedown,hisprospectswerenonexistent,andhedescribedFloridamuchlikeVinDiesel’scharacterinTheChroniclesofRiddickwouldhavedescribedtheprisonplanetheescapedfrom.Afterafewminutes,myridecameandIjumpedinthebackofthecar.Ifiguredhe’dhaveastorymuchlikethefirstdriver.Afterall,theywereintheexactsameprofession, in the exact same geography, in the exact same economy. Instead,whenIaskedhimhowhewasdoing,thisiswhathesaid:“Thingsaregreat!Somuchopportunitydownhere.Wemovedfromupnorth,andwe absolutely love Florida! I started this driving business, and it’s reallystartingtogrow.”Iwasconfusedbythesetwocompletelydifferentexperiences,soItoldhim,“Ijust talked to another driver, and he toldme the exact opposite story.What’sdifferent about you? Same city, same profession, same economy.Where’s thedisconnect?”Helaughedalittleandthentoldmehisstory.Onedayhehiredadriver topickuphis familyat theairport.Hewantedhiskids tohavethefunexperienceofhavingsomeonewaitingforyouatbaggageclaim with your name on a sign. He was looking forward to the wholeexperience,butitturnedouttobeprettylackluster.Thedriverwasn’tkind,theservicewasaverage,andthecostwashigh.After thinkingabout it forawhile,he reachedaconclusion thata lotofnewbusinessownersreach:“IbetIcoulddothatbetter.”

He could provide better service at a better price and probably build amuchbetterbusiness.Andhere’swherehisstorygetsawesome.Hecouldhaveveryeasilysaidtohiswife,“I’veneverbeenadriver.I’veneverworkedforadrivingservice.Iknownothingabout thatbusiness.I’mgoingtodo some light research,onlinemostly, and then throwour life savings, all ourstability,ourkids’futures,andanythingnotbolteddowninourhomeatthisnewdream of mine. Then, six months later, when things don’t grow as fast as Iplanned,I’mgoingtoactshockedthatyou’reuncomfortablewiththisdream.”Instead, he ignored the average path and got a job at the same car companyfrom which his family got that lackluster ride. Instead of just getting theorytraining,hegoton-the-job training.He spent fourmonths learning the ins andoutsofthatbusiness.Heworkedashardashecouldforhisnewemployer,andinturn,hegottolearnwhatitmeanstorunadrivingservicecompany.Then,andonlythen,didhedecidetostarthiscompany.Ifyou’vegotadreamthatinvolvesabusinessofanykind,don’tbetooproud,impatient, or foolish to think you don’t need a part-time job.Why learn yourmistakeswhenthestakesaretheabsolutehighest?Whyattachyourentirefuturetoanexperiment?Whynotgetapaid-foreducationinyourdream?Ifyouwanttostartacoffeehousebuthaveneverworkedatoneinyourentirelife,youneed toworkatStarbucks first.Maybeyouwillcome tohatecoffee.Maybeyou’llgetsickofretailhours.Maybeopeningastoreat4:30a.m.everymorningwillbeanightmarebymonthtwo.I’dratheryoufindthatoutinyourpart-timejobthanyourfull-timedream.

Beled.Sometimespeoplegetinmyear.Notliterally,butmetaphorically.Andundertheguiseofadvice,they’llsaysomeinterestingthings.HereissomethingI’veheardafewtimes:“Wow,I’msurprisedyoujoinedDaveRamsey’steam.Youcouldbedoingallofthisblogandbookstuffonyourownbynow.Whydidn’tyoujuststartyourownthing?”Sometimeswhenpeoplesaythat theymeanitasacomplimentofsorts.TheymeanI’vewrittenabookandhaveablogandaTwitteraccount,andmaybeit’sreallytimetostrikeoutonmyown.Sometimestheymeanitasadig,thatIhavesomehow taken the easy route or safe route or cowardly route by joiningsomeoneelse’steaminsteadofgoingsolo.I’ve been thinking about those comments for a year now, and I think they

representan interestingshift inourculture.Ononeendof thespectrum is theentrepreneur, who feels called to go it alone. There are so many tools andopportunitiesrightnowforsailingyourownship.Thisisanamazingtimetobeanentrepreneurand,formanypeople,thatistheperfectdecision.Sometimes,however,alongthewayasenseofimpatienceandevenentitlementgets tangledwithour senseof entrepreneurship.We’re sodesperate tobe“theman”or“thewoman”rightaway.We’resoeager tochartourowncourse thatwedon’tthinkweneedtobeled.Wesay,“Icangrowmyownplatformeasilywithsocialmedia...Icangetmyownfollowing...I’vebeencalledtodothis,and nobody in the history of mankind has ever done it like this!Who couldpossibly give me advice? Being an apprentice would be failure. This is mytime!”Withthatlineofthinking,we’veclimbedanentitlementladderandlostafewthings.We’velostthevalueofwisecounsel.We’velostthehonorofsittingundersomeoneelse’sleadership.We’ve lost the joy of building something slowly that impacts multiplegenerationsinsteadofjustourownlives.WhydidIdecidetoworkforDaveRamsey?BecauseIwant tobe led.Iwant to learnfromamaster. Iwant toadmit timeandtimeagain,“Idon’tknowthebestwaytodothis.Willyouteachme?”Ihaveanewthoughtnowwhenpeopletellme,“Wow,I’msurprisedyoujoinedDave Ramsey’s team.” Now in my head, I think, You’re right. He spent twodecadesgrowingabusinessfromzeroemployeestomorethan300andbuildinga radio empire that’s on 500 radio stations across the country. I’ve written ablogandacouplebooks.We’reprettymuchonthesamelevelatthispoint.I’mdonelearningandshouldprobablystepoutonmyownalready.Whatcouldthatguypossiblyteachme?Beled.Betaught.Remainalearner.Don’t ever avoid opportunities to gain more experience and wisdom justbecause you’re “mastering” something. Learning from those before you is adyingartthatcancatapultyouaheadinthelandofMastering.

NOW,DOTHEREPSIamracingthesun,butIwillnotwin.Iamdesperateforittogodown,butsinceit’s3:00p.m.andI’mabouttotakethestage,it’sprobablynotgoingtohappen.Isupposeifthesunsetwereatthree

intheafternoon,we’dhavebiggerissuesthanmebombingatamusicfestival,but I’m pretty selfish, so I wasn’t thinking about the ramifications of a solarapocalypseatthatmoment.Iwas thinking about the smatteringofhigh schoolerswhowere expecting tosee a rapper named Lecrae and instead got me. You’ve never seen suchdisappointedteenagersinyourlife.ItwasthefirstandonlymusicfestivalI’veeverspokenat.Iknewthesecondwebookeditthatitwasgoingtobetough,butIdidn’tknowhowtough.Partofthechallengewasthatitwasinthemiddleoftheday.Atleastifithadbeennight,therewould’vebeenaspotlightvisuallyguidingpeopletothestage.Theotherpartofthechallengewasapunkbandplayingonanotherstageatthesametime.Peoplelikedpunkindroveswhentheyrealizedtheheadliningrapperwasnotcomingoutuntilaftersomeguyspeaking.Themusicfestivalwasfantasticformusic,butI’mnotaband.Andwhenyouspeak, you can always find theperson in the crowdwho ismost disappointedwithwhatever it is you’re saying.Out of a crowd of a thousand, you’ll havehater-seekingvision for thepersonasleep, frowning,or shakinghisheadbackandforthasameansofshot-blockingyourwordsbacktothestage.Isawhimprettyquicklytoo.Hewasabout18yearsoldandleaningagainstthesecuritybarrierat thefrontof thestage.I tried to lookaway,butIkeptseeinghiminthecrowdoverandoveragain,staringandwillingmeoffthestagewithascowl thatwould have rivaledmyown at that age.Mid-speech, I realized theproblem; he was a twin. I wasn’t just seeing him. I was seeing him and hisidenticaltwinbrother.IcanonlyassumethattheywerelikeXamotandTomaxfromGIJoebecauseitwascleartheywereabletofeeleachother’spain.ItwasabrutaleventuntilIrealizedsomethingreallysimpleduringthemiddleofmyspeech.Iwasdoingarep.That’showyoureachawesome.Youdoreps.Howdoyoubecomeamaster?Youdoreps.Ifyouwanttogetbetteratsomething,youhavetodothereps.That’strueforalmosteverypartoflife.Wanttobegreatfriendswithsomeone?Dothereps.Gotocoffee.Helpthemmove.StopbyonrandomTuesdaynights.Stackupenoughrepsuntilyouhavetherelationshipyouwant.Wetendtothinkitworkstheotherwayaround.Thatifwewant to have a great friendship,we need to do greatmoments together.

And thoseare important,but thoseare fewand farbetween.Everycoffeeyouhavewith a close friendwill not be amoment you journal about later. “Deardiary, Jill cried at coffee today again.We shared our hearts over huckleberryscones and solved several of our problems through the power of conversationandtransparency.”Moreoftenthannot,you’lljusthavecoffee.You’lljusttalkandlaugh.You’lljustdoarep.Andonedayyou’lllookupandrealizeyouhaveanawesomefriendship.Dreamsworkthesameway.Youdon’tgettopickandchoosealifeofhome-runmoments.Yougettoswingthebat,alot.Someofthemaregoingtoconnect;someofthemwon’t.Buteachonetakesyouonestepclosertoawesome.That’swhyIdoreps.That’swhyIwrotemillionsofwordsonmyblog.That’s why some weeks of the year, I’ll speak six different times on sixdifferentdaystosixdifferentaudienceswithsixdifferentmessages.That’swhyIhadtwenty-six1099sin2010.I had a full-time job and I liked it. But I wanted to get better at freelancewriting.Ineededtodosomereps.Weoftenthinktalentisthekeytoawesome.Butifyoupullthecurtainbackonmostofthepeoplewe’dcall“geniuses,”whatyoufindisanincredibleamountofhardwork.TakeMozart:“By the timehewas28yearsold,hishandsweredeformed because of all the hours he had spent practicing, performing, andgrippingaquillpentocompose.”Yay!Clawhands!Thatsoundsgreat,Jon.Goodsellonthevalueofhardwork.The point isn’t to acquire claw hands—it’s to add hustle to your talent. AsauthorTwylaTharpsays,“Mozartwashardlysomenaïveprodigywhosatdownatthekeyboardand,withGodwhisperinginhisears,letthemusicflowfromhisfingertips.It’saniceimageforsellingticketstomovies,butwhetherornotGodhaskissedyourbrow,youstillhavetowork.Withoutlearningandpreparation,youwon’tknowhowtoharnessthepowerofthatkiss.”1Ifyou’regoingtomakeyourwaythroughthelandofMastering,gotorehab,volunteer,takeapart-timejob,andaboveall,dothereps.

SOMETHINGSAREHOBBIES,ANDTHAT’SOKAYIfeverythinggoesaccordingtoplan,Iwillneverparticipateinatriathlon.Iwillneverfindmyselfstrippingoffawetsuituponemergingfromalakeoroceanandjumping on a bikewith a complicated name and a poorly padded seat. I will

neverendagruelingdayofbikeridingwithahalfmarathonorfullmarathon.I’vehadthatgoalofnotbeinginatriathlonforyearsandsofarhavebeenabletoaccomplishit.I’mhappythatalotofmyfriendslovetriathlons.Forsomepeople,thattypeofexercise is part of their awesome, but it’s not part of mine. Though I likerunning,it’snotsomethingI’mtryingtomaster.It’snotsomethingIwanttoputthroughthefivestagesofawesome.It’sahobby,andthat’sokay.You’llhavesomehobbiestoo—thingsthatyouhavefundoingbutdon’treallywanttomaster.HopefullyinthelandofMasteringafewcometomind.“DoIreallycareenoughabout___________todotherepsorvolunteerorgetapart-timejob?”Maybeyoudon’t.Maybewhatlookedlikepartofyourawesomeatthebeginningofthemaphasactuallyrevealeditselftobeahobby.That’s not failure. That’s success, because now you knowwhere to put thatparticular activity. Give up any guilt you have about your inability to start aquiltingbusiness.Maybequiltingis justforyou.It’sasmallhobbythatbringsyou big happiness.And recognizing that, you can now focus on the things inyourlifethatyouwanttotakebeyondahobby.Thethingsyouwanttomasterandharvestandguide.Thethingsthatdefineyourawesome.

IGNORETHEBULLHORNS,FORNOWThe road through Mastering is littered with bullhorns. Don’t pick them up.They’reonlygoingtodistractyoufromoneoftheotherkeystomasteringyourpassion.Ifyougrabthebullhorntoosoon,youwon’tlearnthattobeawesomeyouneedtospendmoretimepracticingyourdreamthanyoudopromotingyourdream.TheInternethasmadeit ridiculouslyeasy topromoteyourdream,yourcraft,yourpassion,yourwhatever.Butthateasecomeswithaconsequence.Thetemptationistospendmoretimeonpromotingwhatyou’redoinginsteadof practicingwhat you’re doing.Masteringyour skills, putting in thehours tobecomegreat,workinghardwhilenooneiswatching.Promotingmakespeoplethinkyou’re alreadyamaster.Practicing iswhat actuallymakesyouamaster.There’sahugedifferencebetweenthetwo.Wanttostandoutfromtheclutterofsocialmediaandbeawesome?Spendtenhourspracticingyourdreamforeveryonehouryouspendpromotingit.Wanttobeawesomeevenfaster?Makethatratio100to1.

THEREWILLBEHATERSSomeone is going to hatewhat youdo.That’s not amaybe.That’s a definite.AndIdon’tmeandislike.Imeanhate.Withenergyandvitriolandapassionthatsurprisesyou.Hatersareinevitable.Yourresponseisupforgrabs.Thefirstthingweneedtodoaswenavigatethissectionofthemapisdrawacleardistinctionbetweenhateandconstructivecriticism.Hateleadstoawound.Constructivecriticismleadstoanimprovement.Hate’smotiveistohurt.Constructivecriticism’smotiveistohelp.Hateisananchor.Constructivecriticismisagift.Ifyouconfusethetwo,you’llspendfartoomuchtimetryingtofindavitaminin the poison of hate, and you’ll miss the benefit of constructive criticismbecauseyouinterpretitasanattack.Tofurtherdistinguishthetwo,Iwantyoutoasktwoquickquestionsthenexttimeyour dreamgets hated on.Youhave to ask them immediately before thehate has time to settle in your head and confuse you into thinking it’sconstructivecriticism.

Question#1:Whosaidit?Wasitaclosefriendoracompletestranger?Abusinesscolleagueorsomeonedrivingbyyouonthehighway?Itsoundsridiculousthatyou’dneedtoaskthisquestion,butyoudo.Mostofus receive all hate as ifwe’re receiving it fromsomeone who knows us deeply. In the heat of the moment, we act as if thispersoncanseedeepintooursoulandtheirwordscarrytruth.Case inpoint,a fewmonthsagoIgotsomehatemail. Insteadofstopping toask, “Who said it?” I immediately wrote a long response. I wrestled with itemotionallyforhours,neveronceansweringthisfirstquestion.IfIhad,Iwouldhavequicklyrealizedastrangersaidit.Someonewhohasnevermetme,hadaconversationwithme,Skypedwithme,orhadanyinteractionwithme.SowhywasIgivinghiswordssuchpower?When someone leaves a hateful comment on your blog or tweets about you,that’stheequivalentofsomeonedrivingbyyourhouseandyelling,“Ihateyouryard!Yourheartmustbehorribletoo!”You’dneverlistentothatpersoninreallife.Don’tlistenonline.

Question#2:Whydidtheysayit?Whatwas theirmotive?Were theyexposing ablind spot inmy life so that Imight improve something I was doing? Or are they mad about somethingcompletely different and just looking to lash out at anyone who gets in theirpath?Pausingtoaskwhygivesyoutimetoreflectbeforeyouact.Ionceworkedwithaguywhowasreallyangryandcombative.Itwouldhavebeeneasytolabelthewayheactedashate.ButwhenIstoppedtoask,“Whydoeshesaythethingshesays?”I learnedhiswifehadbreastcancer.Thatwasn’thatebubblingup; thatwashurt.Thatwas fearandhopelessness.Hishatedidn’thaveanything todowith me and, instead, had everything to do with a terrible situation he wasfacing.OnceIknewthat,hebecameinvisibleasahaterandvisibleasaguywhoneededafriend.Asking those two questions is all it takes to make 99 percent of all hatersinvisible.Who?Why?Sixsimpleletters.Nexttimeyougethate,makesureit’snotvaluablecriticismfromsomeonewhoistryingtohelpyougetbetter.Onceyou’veidentifiedwhosaiditandwhytheysaid it, chancesareyoucan stopworryingabout it andbrush thedirtoffyourshoulder.

CRITIC’SMATHWe’vealreadyremoved99percentofallhate.There’sonly1percentleft.We’resoefficient!Onlythere’saproblem:1percentisallittakestosteeryouoffthepathtoawesomeandrightbacktoaverage.It’s amath issue, really, but it startswithhowwehandle compliments.Mostpeoplecan’tstandtogetacompliment.Thefirstthingwedoistrytodenyit.Werejectitquicklyandsaythingslike:“Oh,thatwasnothing.”“It’saloteasierthanitlooks.”“Itwasn’tthathard.”We discount compliments andmake sure they don’t have a second to touchdown on the road of awesome we’re traveling. We ignore them and keepwalking.Butwhen someone insults us or hates onwhatwe’re doing,we have a very

differentreaction.Suddenly,westopeverythingelsewe’reworkingonandfocusonthehate.We give it our best attention.We give it our best focus.We give it our bestenergy.Thispersongetsus.Theyreallyknowwhattheyaretalkingabout.Weneedtolaserrightinonthisandspendsometimeonwhattheysaid.Inthosemoments,wetend tobelieve incritic’smath.Andit’sasimpleformula,becauseI’mnotgoodatmath.Here’swhatitis:

1insult+1,000compliments=1insult

Didyoucatchit?Inthefaceof1,000complimentsandonlyoneinsult,youandIwillonlyhaveeyesforthenegative.That sounds silly, but I promiseyou it is true. I’ve seen it hundredsof timesacross the country.When I consult with businesses, youwould be amazed athowmuch time andmoney they spend trying to fix one unhappy customer’sexperience.Theywill holdSWAT teammeetings to address Steve-in-Detroit’sproblemwhile at the same time ignoring the 1,000 fans who love what theirbusinessdoes.And I amnot immune to this either.At the time Iwrote this book,my thirdbook,Quitter,had160five-starreviewsonAmazonandthreeone-starreviews.CanyouguesswhichonesIhavememorized?Critic’s math is something everyone struggles with, even people who areprovenexpertsintheirfield.LarryDavidisthecocreatorofSeinfeld,oneofthemostsuccessfulsitcoms in thehistoryof television.HealsohasahitshowonHBO called Curb Your Enthusiasm. One night while waiting for a flight, IgrabbedacopyofRollingStonebecausehewasonthecover.Tosaythatheissuccessfulbyanymeasurementwouldbeanunderstatement.AsIsat thereontheplane,IgotapeekathowLarryDavid,oneof themostaccomplishedmenintelevisiontoday,handlescritic’smath.Oneday,DavidhadahomecominginNewYork.HelivesinLAnowtofilmhisshow.WhilehewasintownhewenttoaYankeesgame.Duringthemiddleofthegamethestadiummanagersfoundouthewasinthecrowd.Asatribute,theyshowedhispictureonthebigscreenandplayedthethemesongtohisshowover the loudspeakers. What a moment! The author of the article captures itperfectly: “An entire stadium of fans stood and cheered for the hopeless case

fromBrooklyn.Itshouldhavebeenalife-definingmoment,theredemptivefinalsceneinthebiopic.”Alas,inthemidstofthattremendouswin,critic’smathreareditsuglyhead.Attheendofthenight,whileLarrywaswalkingtohiscar,astrangerdrovebyandyelled,“Larry,yousuck!”CanyouguesswhoLarrythoughtaboutontheridehome?Canyouguesswhohetalkedabout?Canyouguesswhodominatedthatdayforhim?Thestrangerwhotoldhimhesucked.2Critic’s math made an entire stadium disappear. Critic’s math made 50,000people invisible. David Blaine can’t pull that off. David Copperfield can’t dothattrick.CrissAngelisnotcapableofthat.That’showpowerfulcritic’smathis.LarryspenttheridebackfromtheBronxobsessingoverthatmoment,runningitoverandoverinhismind.Itwasasiftheother50,000people,theoneswholoved him, didn’t exist. “Who’s that guy? What was that?” he asked. “Whowoulddothat?Whywouldyousaysomethinglikethat?”Thetrickythingaboutcritic’smathis:

Itdoesn’tinstantlygoawaywithsuccess.If right now you’re thinking, If I sell a certain number of books or get a jobpromotion,Iwon’tworrysomuchaboutwhatcriticsthink,you’rewrong.Ifyouhadahardtimewithcritic’smathwithtenfollowersonTwitter,you’llstillhavea hard time with 1 million followers. Don’t chase success as a way to beatcritic’smath.You’llonlyhurtyourself.

Every time you believe critic’s math, you make it morepowerful.

Fearanddoubtare likemuscles.Every timeyoubelievea lie, itgetseasier tobelievethenexttime.Knowingthatit’spoison,howdowebeatit?Let’s look to the founderofSouthwestAirlines,HerbKelleher, forabrilliantsuggestion.Years ago, there was a woman who wrote so many letters of complaint toSouthwest that she became nicknamed “Pen Pal” around the corporateheadquarters.Aftereveryflight,shemailedinacomplaint.Shehatedthattherewasnofirstclass.Shewantedameal.Shewantedtohaveassignedseats.Letterafter letterhitSouthwest.Thecompanyprided themselvesonansweringevery

correspondence from customers, but nothing they said would satisfy thiscustomer.Her last letter, reciting a litany of complaints, momentarily stumpedSouthwest’scustomerrelationspeople.TheybumpedituptoHerb’sdeskwithanote:“Thisone’syours.”Now,themajorityofCEOsaregoingtoreadthatletterandsendthatoffendedcustomer a stack of free drink coupons. Ease the customer’s painwith a gift.Instead,HerbKellehertooksixtysecondsoutofhisdayandwrotethewomanback a four-wordmessage. They are four words I want you to keep inmindwhencritic’smathgetsloud.Hewrote,“Wewillmissyou.”3Yourdreamwillnotbeforeveryone.Yourroadtoawesomeisnotall-inclusive.TherearegoingtobesomehaterswholobrocksatyoufromdeepinthelandofMastering.The temptationwillbe tostopalongyour journeyandengagewiththem.Toturntheirrocksintoanaltarandofferupsomethingthatwilleasetheirfrustrationwithyou.Youwillbetemptedtotrytowinthembacktoyourside.Toexplainyourcasetothem.Ignorethistemptation.Inthefaceofcritic’smath,belikeHerb.Say,“Wewillmissyou,”andthenkeepmovingsoyourwordsaretrueasyouleavethehatersbehindyou.

THELASTSTOPINTHELANDOFMASTERINGInthesummerof2010,Igotempty.Sensing the imminent arrival of burnout, I spent ten days turning everythingoff.Ididn’tdoanythingonsocialmedia.Butdoyouknowwhatthatfeltlike?Everydayof2003.Andalsoeverydayofthefirstthirtyyearsofmylife.(Thepatsonthebackwegiveourselvesfornotusingsocialmediaforbriefmomentsoftimeareridiculous.)Thebiggest thing Ididwas turnoffmy ideas.Foryears, Ibelieved Iwasanideaguy,andcomingupwithnewideaswashowI relaxedonvacation. Ideaswereabigpartofmyawesome,anditonlyseemedrightthatIwouldtakethemonvacationwithme.I’dusetimeofftobrainstorm,focusonnewplansforthefuture,readatonofself-helporbusinessbooks,andgetaheadonanyprojectsIwas working on. Then I’d return from vacation completely exhausted andwonderwhy.ButthistimeIspentthosetendaysreadingnothingbutfiction.IputdownmyjournalsandmyiPhone.Ibuiltsandcastlesonthebeachwithmykids.Ihadlongconversations with my wife. I tried not to write horrible poetry about oceanwaves.

Itwasawesome,andforthefirsttimeinyearsIcamehomeempty,butfulloflife.AweeklaterItoldmyfriendAlAndrewsabouttheexperience.Hesmiledandsaid,“Wow!That’sgreat!Now,howdoyoudothatnextTuesday?Howdoyoudo that next month without a beach? How do you make sure you don’t killyourselfforfiftyweeksoftheyearwiththehopethatyoucanmakeittothosetwoweeksofvacation?”ItoldhimIdidn’tknow.Withoutmissingabeat,hesaid,“YouneedtobuildyourownCentralPark.”Ihadnoideawhatthatmeant,soheexplainedtheidea.“Well,”hesaid,“ifyouflyoverNewYorkCity,CentralParkkindoflookslikethiswastedgreenspace.There in theheartof thisbustlingcity is this lumpofgrass.Imagineallthebuildingsandcommerceandinnovationwecouldputonthat space! But New York City knows that, without Central Park, it wouldcombust. It would implode and collapse on itself without that space, thatsanctuary.Theproblemis thatmostpeoplehaveputbuildingson topofeverypartoftheirlives.TheyhavenoCentralParkintheirdayortheirweekortheirmonth. That’s how you’ve been living, Jon. It’s time to knock down somebuildings.YouneedtocultivateyourownCentralPark.”That conversation and challenge changedmy life. I started buildingmy ownCentral Park. I started going to a botanical garden in town. I started takingregular fiction breaks. I started running more. I started to knock down somebuildings.Youaregoingtoworkharderthanyoueverhaveontheroadtoawesome.Youaregoingtodorepsandvolunteerandeditandlearnandamillionotherthings.Butmakesurethatinthemidstofthisadventureyoudon’tconfuse“buildingupyourdream”with“burningoutyourdream.”Don’tbeafraidtotakeabreak.Towalkawayfromwhatyou’redoingtocatchyourbreath.Toknockdownafewbuildings. That’s one more tension you’ll have to embrace on the road toawesome—theneedtobothhustleandrest.It’sanimportantonebecausethere’stoomuchfun tobehad in the landofHarvestingforus toburnoutbeforeweevengetthere.Andwhenwedogetthere,let’smakesurewe’recarefulaboutonemorething—our expectations. If we’re not honest about them, we’ll wreck the land ofHarvesting,likeIwreckedmyhoneymoon.Weeks beforewe flew to Jamaica as newlyweds, Jenny toldme a story thatshapedtheentireweekforme.AgirlsheworkedwithwenttoasimilarSandals

resort.Whileat theall-inclusivevacationdestination,sheandherhusbandmetanother couple enjoying their honeymoon. Over a period of sun-soakedCaribbean days, the two couples became great friends. They dined together,snorkeled together, and played shuffleboard together.When the tripwas over,they returned to the States not just with new marriages, but with new bestfriends.Yearslatertheystillgottogethertocelebratetheirfriendship.Myfianceesaidthattomeinpassing,butinthemomentIstartedtogrowanexpectation in my head: “Jenny and I will make lifelong best friends on ourhoneymoon.”Thatonlysoundsstupidbecauseitwas,butinmydefense,it’sdifficulttomake“couplefriends.”It’shardtofindanothercoupleyouclickwithoneverything.Justwhenyouthinkyou’vefoundsomeonebothhusbandandwifelovehangingoutwith,theytellyoutheyownaferretfarmtheycall“Ferretopia.”RecognizingthatchallengeevenbeforeIgotmarried,Idecidedtolookforashortcut.Andloandbehold,onewaspresentedtomeintheformofmyhoneymoon.Whoknewthatahoneymooncouldbesuchatreasuretroveoffriendships?Intheweeksleadinguptothehoneymoon,myexpectationthatwewouldmeetourbestfriendsinJamaicabegantogrow.Ididn’ttellanyone;Ijustquietlywatereditwithhopeandfoolishness.BythetimewelandedinJamaica,myexpectationwasnolongersmallandadorable—itwasamonsterofmassiveproportions.Aswesatdownonthebustotheresort,Istartedeyeballingtheotherpassengers.Whoherelooksliketheycouldbeourlifelongcouplefriends?Thosetwoovertherelookprettyinteresting...he’sgotcoolsunglasseson...sheseemsprettynormal. Based on how she’s sitting on a bus. It’s an admittedly small samplegroupofinformation,butit’sallIhavetoworkwithrightnow.Icontinuedtoplotandplanthiswayduringtheentiredrive.Thatnight,whenwegottothehotel,Iaskedmywifeiftherewasanyoneshewantedtoinvitetodinner.She seemed a little taken back by this question, likemaybe she hadn’t beendoingbest-friendrecon.Sheseemedto think,Yes.You.Myhusbandof twenty-fourhours.That’swhoIwouldliketogotodinnerwith.Good to know. Apparently I was the only one committed to this friendshipmission. The rest of the week I kept trying to initiate lifelong friendshipconversationswithanyonewhomadeeyecontactwithme.Itwasn’teasy.Alotofthepeoplethereseemedtobedistractedbytheirnewspousesorsomething.

Finally recognizing that we’d already missed our shot at the two coolestcouples there that week—they paired off on day two, much to my poolsidechagrin—Iaskedadifferentcoupletodinnerwithus.Wehadabsolutelynothingincommonwiththem.Theywerebothfromsmalltownsandhadneverbeentothebigcitybefore.WhentheircargotbrokenintoindowntownBirmingham,Alabama,thewifeassumedabombhadbeenplantedinit.PeopleincitiesareconstantlyplantingbombsinusedAccordsonthefifthfloor of parking garages. She wouldn’t get in the car until the husband hadinspected it.What sortofbomb-inspecting skillshepossessedwasnever fullydiscussed, but I assume theyboiled down to just looking for big red sticks ofdynamitewithaslowlyburningfuse.Iknewinthefirstfiveminutesthatwewereinforalongnightandprobablyweren’tgoingtocalleachotherafterwegotbackfromourhoneymoons,butitdidn’tmatter.Iwasdesperate.Myexpectationwasamonsterthathadmutatedintoademand.Anddemandswill suck thebeautyoutof anything ifyou let themgrow,evenhoneymoons.On theflighthome,sensingmydejectedspirit,mybrand-newwifeaskedmewhat was wrong. I confessed my great disappointment that we had nevermanaged tomakenewbest friendsduringourhoneymoon.Shequietly lookeddown at her left hand and tried to see if she could slide the ring off withoutcausingascene.She couldn’t. The diamond I bought her was so large and heavy she couldbarely lift her arm, never mind her finger. We landed. I got over it. Butsomethingwaslost.The joy of that week was tarnished. As silly as that whole story is, myexpectation camewith a cost. Imissed some of thatweek because Iwas lostinsidemyexpectation.Ihadsooverbuiltmyexpectationthatitwasimpossiblefor life to deliver. I had created this stock photography version of myhoneymoon,andtheseconditdidn’tmeetthat,IstartedtofeellikeIhadfailedmyhoneymoon.The same thing will happen to you in the land of Harvesting if you’re notcareful.Whenwerealizethatexpectationscancausedamage,ournaturalresponseistothink, Stupid expectations. I’ll fix this by never having any! But that doesn’twork.It’simpossibletohavezeroexpectations.Tryasyoumight,youaregoingtocarryatleastathreadofexpectationintoeverypartofyourlife.

Theotherreasonitdoesn’tworkisthatalltoooftenitbecomesaprotectionistmove.You think, I’llgo inwith lowexpectations. If they’remetor exceeded,thengreat! I’llbepleasantlysurprised. If they’renot?Iwon’tbedisappointed.Andonthesurfacethatsoundsokay,butovertime,thatapproachtendstomorphintoyouthinking,IfIgetmyhopeupanditdoesn’tcometrue,I’llbehurt.SoI’llprotectmyselffrombeinghurtbynothavinganyhopeorexpectations.I’llhurtmyselffirstbeforethesituationhasachanceto.Maybe you’re wired differently than I am. Maybe you can compare yourexpectationstotheexperienceandnotfeellikeatleastalittlebitofafailure,butIhavemydoubts.I think you need crazy expectations. You can’t dream without creatingexpectations,andtheycanbeanencouragingsourceofmotivation.Expectationsof the future can inspire you to reach for things that feel impossible in thepresent.Asyouget ready toopenyourbusiness,write yourbook, finishyourcollege degree, or any number of things, I want you to take huge, wildexpectationsintothat.Iwantyoutothrowexpectationafterexpectationintothefurnaceofyour lifeuntil there isabonfireofexcitement that rivals thesun inintensity.Butafterexpectationhasplayeditsrole,afteryou’vesqueezedeverylastdropofencouragementoutofit,IwantyoutothenletitgoasyouleavethelandofMasteringandenterthelandofHarvesting.There are going to be some crops you harvest that wildly exceed yourexpectations.Therewill be surprises—bothgoodandbad—thatyoucouldnothavepossiblyforeseenwhenyoustarteddowntheroadtoawesome.Weagreedatthebeginningofthisbookthatyoucan’tcontrolthefinishline;youcanonlycontrol thestarting line.Well,nowwe’re toward theendofour journey.Whatyou’ve sown and grownwill now come to fruition. Don’t ruin it with unmetexpectationsyourefusetoletgoofinthefaceofthefunthingsthatactuallydohappen.Anddon’tactlikeitdoesn’tmatteranduseapathyasaprotectiveshield.The things you harvest domatter—that’s the joy of doing work that matters.Enjoytheharvest.

7:Harvesting

7

HARVESTING

JUSTINSIDETHEBORDERofthelandofHarvesting,thereisanexit.Thepath is wide, the road is easy, and you will have barely taken a step intoHarvestingbeforeyouseeitplainasday.Andifyoutakeitnow,ifyouexploreitatthispoint,youwillundoalltheawesomeyou’vesetintomotionthusfar.Whatistheexit?Turnsoutit’sasimplesecret,anditholdstheanswertomorethanyouthink.

HOWTOBEANAWESOMEPUBLICSPEAKERANDJUSTABOUTEVERYTHINGELSETOOWant to know the secret to being an awesome public speaker?Want to knowhowtobookmoregigs,makemoremoney,anddomorerepeatbusiness?Wantto know how to play in the NFL past your prime?Want to know how to beawesomeatjustabouteverythingelsetoo?It’ssimple.Don’tbeajerk.If you want to take a moment and scribble that on a note you hang on thefridge,I’llwaitbeforeunpackingit.That gemmay not be new knowledge to you, but it was tome. I learned itbackstageatdozensofspeakingevents.I thought theonlyfuel thatdroveawesomewastalent. I thought ifyoureallywantedtobeawesomeatsomething,youjusthadtostockpileenoughtalentorskill in any given industry or career. But then I started to have conversationswithclientswhobookedmetospeak.I’dgospeakattheevent,stepoffstage,andendupinquickconversationsonthewaybacktotheairport.Thehostoftheeventwouldn’ttalkmuchaboutwhatIsaid fromstage.Theywouldn’tcommenton thecontentofmyspeech.Theywouldn’t point out an idea I shared. Instead, they all said the same thing:“Thanksforbeingsonice!”Turns out, there’s a large population of jerk speakers and jerk musicianstravelingaboutthecountry,makingmyjobincrediblyeasy.Theyberatethestaff

atevents,refusetodoQ&Asessionswithconferenceattendees,andhideintheirhotels insteadof takingphotosor shakinghandsorbreakdancing.Sometimestheyevenrefusetospeakuntiltheroomisfull.Ifthat’syou,letmesimplysay,thankyou.What a gift youhavegivenme and everyother public speaker on theplanetwhoisnotajerk.You’vecreatedsuchalowbarofkindnessthatatoddlercouldjumpoveritwiththegreatestofease.Whenpeoplecomplimentmeforbeingnice,theyareusuallynotremarkingonsomegrandshowofkindnessIhaveperformedfromstage.Ihavenotsentthembouquetsofflowers.Ihavenotpurchasedthemavehicleorcarvedatreestumpthatwasstruckbylightningintotheshapeoftheircollege’smascot.Ijusthaven’tbeenajerk.Iwishitweremoredifficultthanthat,butit’snot.If you want to harvest more awesome, don’t take the jerkdome exit, whichyou’ll see a thousand times in the land ofHarvesting. Stay the course so thatwhenyouarriveinthelandofGuiding,therewillactuallybesomeonetoguide.Peopledon’tlikeworkingwithjerks.Theydon’tlistentojerks.Peopledon’tdofavorsforjerks.Becausepeopledon’twantjerkstowin.That’s something Terrell Owens discovered the hard way. He’s one of thegreatestwidereceiversinthehistoryoftheNFL.He’ssecondincareerreceivingyardsonly toJerryRice.He’scaughtmore than1,000 touchdowns, somethingonlyeightotherpeoplecanclaim.Heisasix-timeProBowler.AndonthedayIwrote this page, he was released from the Allen Wranglers—not an NFLfranchise—anarenafootballteam.Howdidheendupthere?As aGQ profile reported, it’s “hard to live down the reputation as a teampoison.”AndNFLexecutiveshavelongmemories.“It’snothiskneethat’stheproblem;it’shisattitude,”saidoneexecutivefromoneofthebetterteams,whodidn’twanttobenamed.Theratiothatoncemadeitworthitforownerstosignhim—twopartsgeniustotwopartstrouble—hasshiftednowthathe’snotquiteasfastandhisbodyisnotasreliable.“WithT.O.,nomatterhowbrillianthecanbe on the field, the dark side is always lurking.You don’t knowwhichT.O.you’regoingtoget,andnooneiscomfortableriskingthat.”1Whether you’re in the NFL or a cubicle, the same truth about being a jerkholds:wild talent and abad attitude eventually lose tomild talent and agoodattitude.And the sad thing is that the “eventually” tends to occur in the land of

Harvesting. These should be the years when Terrell Owens is harvesting therewardsofa long,productivecareer—statisticallyoneof thebestcareers forawidereceiverinNFLhistory.HeshouldbeenjoyingthefruitsofhislaborandsoonheadingtothelandofGuidingtohelpotheryoungreceiversbeawesometoo.Orhecouldbeontelevision,talkingabouthisyearsintheNFLandofferingexpertinsight.Therearedozensanddozensofsportsshowshecouldbeonrightnow,harvestinghiscareer.Instead,he’sgettingfiredfromtheAllenWranglers.Don’tbeajerk.Avoidthoseexitswitheverythingyou’vegot.

YOURFIFTEENMINUTESCOULDCOSTYOUALIFETIMEIfyoumanagetowalkdowntheroadtoawesomewithoutbecomingajerk,thenyou’llsuccessfullyavoidthelargestexitbacktoaverage.Butyou’renotoutofthewoodsyet.There’sonemoremassiveexithidden inevery land—butmostprominentlyinHarvesting.It’scalled“fame.”In1968,AndyWarholsaid,“Inthefuture,everyonewillbeworld-famousforfifteenminutes.”2At the time, thatmusthaveseemed likea ludicrous thought,buttheInternethasprovenWarholaprophet.With theclickofabutton,you’vegotaccess to theentireworld.Andwithasingle tweet or viral video, you can have your fifteen—or more—minutes offame.Youmaynotthinkyourpursuitofawesomewillevergenerateanykindoffameforyou,butyou’dbesurprised.Evenifyou’vegotanichepassion,thereare people around the world who share that exact same passion. And if youdecidetomasteritandharvestit,youwillgainsomedegreeoffame,nomatterhowsmall.Thechallengeisthatalittlefamecandoalotofdamage.Theproblemisthattheminuteyouhaveasinglefanorfollower,peoplestarttobuildanexpectationofwhoyouare.You’re the funnyguyor fashion-forwardmomor sports enthusiast, andwith that comes an expectationof howeachofthosepeopleshouldact.You’resmartandmayenjoytheattention,soyoubeginplayinguptothatexpectation.Nowthere’sadividestartingtohappen,andit’ssubtle,butit’sthere.You’renowtwopeople—thepersonyoureallyareandthepersonthepublicsees.Youstarttomaintainapublicimage,whichisexhausting.Insteadofactuallycontinuingdowntheroadtoawesome,youbuildafaçadeofwhatitlooksliketowalkdowntheroadofawesome.Andtheprogressyou’vemade takes adetourback to average asyouget stuck chasing fame,notmoreawesome.Ialmostdidn’tputthissectioninthebookbecausetherealityisthatwewon’t

all be famous. That’smathematically impossible.Butwe all have the tools tohavealittlebitoffame,andthat’senoughtowreckmanyadream.One time I ate a cheeseburger at a small restaurant in Franklin, Tennessee.When I got home, I saw on Twitter that the restaurant had tweeted aboutmebeingthere.I’mnotgoingtolie;thatfeltgood.ButdoyouknowwhathappenedthenexttimeIwentouttoeat?Iexpectedanothertweet.Istartedthinking,WhoisnoticingthatI’minhere?Whoiswatchingmerightnow? I can’t wait to check Twitter once I’m done with lunch to see whowitnessedmygreatness!I was able to generate that amount of distraction and insanity from a singletweet by a hamburger joint.Who knowswhat will happen if whatever bit ofawesomeyou’reharvestinglandsyouinthenewspaper?OrifyouenduponTVoratthetopofabloggingempire?Don’tgetmewrong;famecanbeawonderfulharvest,andyoucanuseitforgood.AskBonoaboutthat.Butdon’tletitbetheexitthatleadsyourightbacktoaverage.

BOOOOOOBuzzkill!ThisisthelandofHarvesting!Thehardworkhasbeendone.It’stimetositbackandenjoythefruitofallourlabors!It’stimetocoast.Only it’s not.Ask a farmer someday if theharvest season is easy.Anddon’tconfuse Harvesting with retirement. Don’t confuse Harvesting with vacation.Don’t confuse Harvesting with the end of the story. That’d be like running amarathonandthenlyingdownfiftyfeetfromthefinishlineforanap.Itriedthatlastyear,anditdidn’tgoverywellforme.

HOWTOLOSE99PERCENTOFYOURPROGRESSThe problemwith the entitlement ladder in the land ofHarvesting is that youdon’tusuallyknowyou’reononeuntilyoufalloffit.Youdon’trealizehowhighyouareandhowdisconnectedfromrealityyouareuntilyoucrashbackdowntoearth.Orinmycase,lose99percentofyourFacebookfans.At some point during 2011, I started climbing an entitlement ladder. TheproblemwasthatIstartedtogetlazybecauseofmyjob.Ihavebeengivenaveryuniqueopportunity.In2010,DaveRamseyessentiallysaid,“Idareyoutobeawesome.”Thenhehiredmeandsaid,“Goforit.”Thatwasanintimidatingpropositioninsomeways.ItwaswayeasiertocomplainandmoanonthesidelinesaboutwhatIcoulddoifIweren’ttoobusy.“I’dwritesomanybooksandspeakatsomanyplacesandchasemydreamsomuchifIonlyhadthetime.”IcouldmakeboldstatementslikethisbecauseIhadadayjobthatownedfortyhoursofmyweek.ThenDavehiredmeandthrewawaythegovernorbelt.Hebroughtmeintoa300-personcompanyandsaid,“Let’sseewhatyou’vegot.”AtwhichpointIgotlazy.It snuck up onme; I swear it did. I didn’t even see that ladder.But before Iknewit,Iwasafewrungsup,coastingthedayaway,shoutingdowntoallwhocouldhear:“Lookatme!I’mJonAcuff!IworkforDaveRamsey!”Istartedtobelievethatotherpeopleinthebuildingwouldtakecareofthingsforme.Myattitudebecame,“I’manauthor,andIcanonlysullymyhandswithadjectives and perhaps the en dash or em dash.” I started ignoring someimportantresponsibilities.IquietlyactedlikeIhadateamof300people.LikemaybeIhadbuiltthecompany.ButIhadn’t.I’mateammember.I’masmall,smallcoginaverybigmachinethat isnamedDaveRamsey,not JonAcuff.And though I’d takena fewstepsintoHarvesting andwas seeing opportunities crop up that I had set inmotion

fouryearsearlier,Istartedtocoast.Andintheprocess,Ilost99percentofmyFacebookfans.WhenmybookStuffChristiansLikecameout,IstartedaStuffChristiansLikegrouponFacebook. Ibuilt thegroup toaround10,000people. Ihustledon it,participatedinit,andworkedhardtokeepitgoing.ThenIgotontheentitlementladderandforgotitexisted.SurelysomeoneelseatDaveRamsey’sheadquarterscanmonitorthat.I’mJonAcuff!Peoplewantmyphoto!IautographKindles.Notjustbooks,Kindles!A year later, after talking with a friend who reminded me that Facebook isroughly thesizeof theplanetandonlydumbpeoplearen’tactivelyusing it togrowtheirprojects,IcheckedouttheStuffChristiansLikegroup.Thetopofthepagesaid:“Yourgrouphasbeenmigrated.”Hooray! I thought. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds great!Butterfliesmigrate toMexico because it’s nice andwarm. CanadaGeese, themostpretentiousbirds in theworld,migrate toTennesseebecausearctic foxeseatthemonthetundra.Migrationisalwaysagoodthing.TheFacebookmessagecontinued:“Nowthatyourgrouphasbeenupgradedtothe new groups format, information from your old group is still available,includinggrouppostsanddiscussions.”Fantasticsofar!“Admins from the old group will continue as members.” Man, Zuckerberg,you’vethoughtofeverything!Thanksforthatconvenience.“Onlymemberswhoaskedtostayinthegroupwillcontinueasmembers.”Wait—what?Whatwas that last part?What’s that you say?Hmmm, that’s aweirdonethatdoesn’treallysoundlikeabenefit.Buthowbadcoulditbe?SoIcheckedthenumberofmemberswhostayedwithme.Andtheanswerwas,“wickedbad.”Thegrouporiginallyhad10,000members.Itnowhad23.I’mnotgreatatmath,butI’malmostpositivethatequatestoa99percentloss.Therewere 10,000, and now there are 23.Karen, Leo,Nicole—I could namethemallandnotreallytakeupalotofspaceinthisbook.Thegroupwasgone.WhileIclimbedanentitlementladder,onefieldthathadtakenmeyears toharvestdied. IamcertainFacebookgavemenotifications. Iamsuretheywarnedmeandgavemeampleopportunitytokeepthegroupgoingatthesamesize.ButIwastoohighintheskytobebotheredwithit.AndsoIlost9,977peoplefrommy10,000-persongroup.Thismaynotmeanmuch toyou.Maybeyou’vegotamillionpeople inyour

Facebook group. Or maybe you’ve never heard of Facebook and bought thisbookonwhatwecall“paper.”Doesn’tmatterawholelot.Thisisn’taboutsocialmedia.Thisisaboutfieldsthatwilldisappearifyoucoastrightnow.Ifyou’restickingwiththeroadtoawesome,you’regoingtoworkthehardestyou’veeverworkedinthelandofHarvesting.

THEHARVESTROOSTEROnemorningIwokeupat4:00a.m.inIndianapolis.Iwasn’t there towork out for theColts, but that’s a pretty good assumptiongiventhecannonIcallmyrightarm.Iwas in a hotel,waking up after speaking the night before inGrantCounty,Indiana.GrantCountyissixtymilesandsevencirclesawayfromIndianapolis.Mostmapsdon’tfactorinthecircles,buttheyshouldifyougetthesamecabIdid.ThedriverandIcouldseethehotelglowinginthemidnightdarkness.Wecould almost touch it, wewere so close to thatHoliday Inn Express. But thedrivercouldn’tfindtheentrance.Sowecircledthebuildingafewtimeslikeasharkassessingitsprey.Wefinally found thedriveway,and Ichecked inat12:30a.m.Roughly threehourslaterIwasupforaflighttoSanAntoniotospeak.BeforeItookafewtentativestepsintothelandofHarvesting,Ididn’texpectsomany4a.m. alarmclocks. Ibought into themyth thatwhenyou findyourawesome,thingswillbeeasy.LifewillflowlikeagentleriverofFresca,passingbanksofTwizzlergrass.There’samelon-coloredribbonyoutwirl.La.La.La.Iwaswrong.Here’sthetruth:Youwillworkharderatsomethingyoulovethanatsomethingyoulike.You will work harder than you have ever worked when you start chasing adream.Youwillhustleandgrindandsweatandpushandpull.Youwillgetupearlierandgotobedlater.Butthat’sokay.Knowwhy?Joyisanincrediblealarmclock.It will wake you up and keep you up and pick you up and gently pull youthroughathousandrejectionsalongtheway.Ifyourgoalistoworkless,stayontheroadtoaverage.Dosomethingyoujustkindoflike.Settleintolifelikealongwinter’snapandcoastonthroughtoyour80s.But ifyouwant todream—ifyouwant to liveoutsomeuniquetalentyou’vebeen given to steward during your time on this planet—get used to 4 a.m.alarms.Getgoing.Getup.ContinueHarvesting.

THECROPCIRCLESOFSUPPORTDon’tbecomeajerk.Don’tgetlazy.Don’tgetentitled.Easier said thandone.Howdoyouavoid the surprisingnumberof traps thatspringupinthelandofHarvesting?Youdon’tfacethemalone.Youspendsometimecultivatingthecropcirclesofsupport.Andlikeeverythingelseinthisbook,they’renotcomplicated.Infact,thereareonlythreecirclesofsupportyouneedtothinkaboutasyoucontinuedowntheroadtoawesome.Thelevelofsupportyouneedishighestinthecenterandlowestontheedges,whichiswhywe’regoingtostartrightthere.

InnerCircle:SpouseTheabsoluteworstplaceyoucanputyourspouseisontheoppositesideofyourdream.Whenthathappens, theharderyoulean intoyourawesome, thefartheryou push your spouse away. Without even realizing how you got to suchdifferentplaces,youstartsayingthingslike,“Don’tyouwantmetopursuemydream?Isthatit?Yourdreamisformetobeunhappy?Congrats,then—you’realreadylivingyourdream!”Cue plate toss, and not the fun kind like the Greeks do in rings of fire atfestivals.Is thatanexaggeration?Maybeslightly,but it’snotfarofffromareality thathappenseverysingleday.Thetruthisthatifyou’remarried,awesomeisateamsport.Travelingyourroadtoawesomewithyourspouseistwiceasfunasbeingonitbyyourself.Whatarethetwothingsyouneedtodorightnowifyou’remarriedandtryingtobeawesome?

MakeactionpaymentsWords are so cheap when it comes to dreaming. And yet, most of us, whenconfrontedwiththechallengeofgettingaspousetosupportourdream,runrightback to words. We believe that perhaps the first ten million we offered justweren’ttherightones.Maybethenexttenmillionwilldothetrick.Sowetalkandwetalkandwetalkaboutwhatwe’regoingtodowithourawesome.Andweexhaustourspouses.Do you knowwhat’s better thanwords?Action.Actions always beatwords.Actionalwaysbeatsintention.Whatyou’vedoneisalwaysmorepowerfulthanwhatyou’regoingtodo.Want a spouse to support you? Get up thirty minutes before the rest of thehousewakesupandworkonyourdream.TurnofftheTVandreadtwentypagesofabookbyanexpertinthefieldyou’repursuing.Takeasecondjobtoraisethestartupmoneyyourdreammighttakeinsteadofdrainingyoursavingsaccount.Makeactionpaymentsifyouwanttogetyourspousetobelieveyou’reseriousabout the pursuit of awesome. Because chances are, this isn’t the first timeyou’ve flirtedwith a dream. This is probably the thirty-seventh time, and theminute you startwith a newone, all thosewords and all those intentions youneverfollowedthroughonaregoingtoburstintoyourspouse’smemory.Erase them with action payments. And they have to be drawn out of youraccount, not hers or his. You don’t gain any support if you sacrifice yourspouse’stimeforyourdream.Ithastobeyourtime.Ifyoucomehomeandsay,“Inorder toshowyouhowimportant thisdreamis tome,I’mgoing tocancelour date night,” you won’t go deeper into the land of Harvesting. You’ll godeeperintothelandofcouchsleeping.Thissimpleideaisoneofthebiggestreasonsmywife,Jenny,wasabletojumpon boardwith themove toNashville fromAtlanta. I’d compiled a history ofactionpayments.I’dmadeamillionotherbigplansthatneverwentanywhere.Butfortwoyearsshesawmegetupearlytowrite.ShesawmesaynotoalotoffunthingsImayhavelikedtodoinordertosayyestothethingsIfeltcalledtodo. She knew I was serious about this. Not because of mywords—those arecheapanduntrustworthy.Butbecauseofmyactions,whichareexpensiveandtrustworthy.

MasterhowversuswowIdidn’tcomeupwiththis,butIwishIhad,becauseit’sbrilliant.AguynamedJohnWoodall inAtlantaonce toldanaudienceIwas in that ineverymarriagetherearetwotypesofpeople:a“How”personanda“Wow”person.TheWowpersontendstobethedreamer.Theycomeupwithbigideasandbigdreamsandbigwildplans.Theybounceoffthewallswithwhatmightbe.TheHowpersontendstobethestrategist.Theywantthedetailsandthestepsandthelogisticsofanygivensituation.They’re both great approaches to life, butwhen they bump together, disastercanoccur.3TheWowpersonsays,“I’vegotagreat idea.What ifwesoldourhouseandinvested all themoney into an artisanal pickle stand in the hipster section oftown?Wecouldwrapeachpickleinanapkinwithprosewrittenonit.We’llcallit‘Pickles&Poems.’Itwillbehuge!”TheHowperson,wantingtoshowtheWowpersonlove,offersuptheirgreateststrength, a series ofHow questions. “Howwouldwemakemoneywith that?Howwouldwe have health insurance?Howmany licenseswouldwe need tosellstreetpickles?Howwouldweprintthenapkins?Howwouldweoutfitavanoracarforpickledistribution?”Thoseareallverylegitimatequestions,onlytheWowpersondoesn’thearthemthatway.TheWowpersonhearsanattack.Andtheyattackback.Thenthetwostormoffanddon’tdreamtogetherthatday.If you stack enough of those conversations on top of each other, the Wowperson eventually stops sharing his or her dreams. It’s not that they stopdreaming, they just stop sharing themwith theHowspouse.Thosedreamsgosomewhere, often to someone online who “gets me.” That’s how a lot ofemotionalaffairsbeginandpartofthereasonthewordFacebookshoweduponathirdofalldivorcefilingsin2011.4Topreventthisfromhappeninginmyownmarriage—becausethat’swherewewere headedwithme (theWow person) andmywife (theHow person)—wetookWoodall’sadviceandstartedtodotwothings.

TwoweeksofwowWhenIfirstdiscussanewWowideawithmywife,doyouknowwhatshesays?“Wow.”Shedoesn’t askHowquestions.Shedoesn’t list themyriadofdetailsshe’dlovetoknow.ShesimplygivesmethegiftofWow.Whatshetrustsisthat,morethanlikely,I’mnotgoingtodoanythingwiththisidea.Intwoweeks,ormorerealistically,twohours,Iwillhavemovedontosomethingelse.Soforthefirst twoweeks, Iget agraceperiodofWow.We justbounce the ideaaroundwithouteverworryingaboutaHowmakingacameointheconversation.Ifaftertwoweeks I’mstillpassionateabout the idea, Jenny jumps inwithsomegreatHows.She’sagenius,and Iamsoblessed tobemarried toher.Herability toprovideshapetotheWowsIbringupisunbelievable.Assheoncesaidtome,“Weshouldworktogethermore.Togetherwemakeoneprettyamazingperson.”Insteadof aHow/Wowblow-up,weget to turnour differences into strengths,notweaknesses.

WowdisclaimerThefirstthingIsaytomywifewhenItalkwithheraboutaWowideais,“I’mnot about to sell our house. I’m not thinking about emptying our savingsaccount.” I offer the Wow disclaimer. It turns out that my wife is a fan ofstability and security. She digs both of those things. Who knew? It tookcounselingtowakemeuptowhatwasgoingonwhenIspoutedoffdreamsatJenny insteadofwith Jenny.Atonepoint,ourcounselorsaid,“JonandJenny,youbothhavetremendousinsightintoJon.”Thatwashispolitewayofsaying,“Jon,shutup!You’refillingtheentirerelationshipwithyouandnotthinkingatallaboutJenny’sperspective.”Soinadditiontolearningtolisten,Ihadtolearntotalktoo.Andpartofthatmeantbeingup-frontabouttheWowsIwasexcitedabout.It’samazingwhatatwo-sentencedisclaimercandotodefuseasituation.Knowing that I’mnot about to launchout on some financially fatal adventure(liketheadagencyIstarted)setsJennyatease.Alwaysdisclaimyourdreamsifyou’remarriedtoaHowperson.

MiddleCircle:FriendsandFamilyDid you stop chasing awesome because you’re not married yet and feel likewithoutaspouseit’simpossible?Good,that’sexactlywhatIwastryingtocommunicate.I’mgladitcameacrosssoclearly.Ifyou’renotmarried,yourmiddlecirclebecomesyourinnercircle.Theringsjust shift in one, as a best friend or a family member becomes your greatestsourceofsupport.ThequestionImostoftenget, though,whenitcomestothemiddlecircleisthis:“WhatdoIdoifnoonesupportsmydream?”Maybe that’s your story right now.Your familymembers, your friends, yourcoworkers—noonegetsonboardwithwhatyoufeelyou’recalled todo.Youexplainit tothemandshareitwithasmuchenthusiasmandclarityasyoucanpossiblymuster.Butstill,nobodyiswillingtosupportyourdream.Ormaybeyou’vegotalittlesupportfromfriendsandfamily,butyou’dlovealotmore.Ineithersituation,thenextstepsarethesame.Youhavetogivepeopleinthemiddlecirclepatienceandsupport.

PatienceAwesomeisalittleweird.You’veprobablyalreadyfiguredthatout.Imean,weenteredaforestofvoicesandexploredadiamondmine.That’salittlestrange.Thosekindsofthingsdon’ttendtohappenontheroadtoaverage.Andthat’stheproblem.Peopleunderstandaverage.We all get howaverageworks.We’re immersed in aworld of average everyday. Ifyou tell friendsandfamilymembers,“I’mgoing tostayaverage,” theymaywonderwhyyoufelttheneedtosaythatoutloud,butthey’llnevercallyoucrazy.Noonepursuingalifeofaverageeverreceivedadirewarningoffailurefromafamily member. No one pursuing a life of average ever left a Thanksgivingdinner feeling like everyone criticized their pursuit.No one pursuing a life ofaveragewasevermadefunofbyotheraveragepeople.Butifyoudecidetotraveltheroadtoawesome,youwillbe.Family members and friends will not understand your dream. The naturalresponsewillbetoeitherchangeyourtacticsofcommunicationorlashout.Inthe firstapproach,you try for theonemillionth time togetDad tounderstandyourdream100percent.Inthesecond,youinterpretthelackofunderstandingasanattackandreturnthefavor.Neitherwayisthatfunoreffective.Instead of reacting that way when someone doesn’t understand your dream,givethemthegiftofpatience.Therealityisthattheyshouldn’tunderstandyourdream100percent.Iftheydid,itwouldn’tbeyourdream—it’dbetheirdream.They’dbetheonechasingit,notyou.You’re the one who has taken a thousand steps down the road to awesome.You’re the one who has had all the experiences. It would be impossible forsomeoneelsetounderstandyourdreamwithouthavingthatsamejourney.Weunderstandthiswhenitcomestoothertypesoftripswetakeinlife.Forexample,mylittlesister,Molly,spentfivemonthsinSeville,Spain.Whilethere,sheranamarathoninMadrid.Thesummeraftertheexperience,shespentafewweeksatourhouse inNashville.She told themostamazingstories.Sheshowed us beautiful photos, gave my kids souvenirs, and unraveled the fivemonthsforus.WhichmademeanexpertonwhatitfeelsliketoliveinSeville,Spain.I totally understood everything that happened there. On the third night shestayedwithus,Istoodup,putmyhandonMolly’sshoulder,andtoldher,“Letmestopyourightthere.I’vegotit.I100percentunderstandwhatitfeelsliketolive in Spain as anAmerican. I’ve never taken a single step inMadrid, but I

knowwhatit’sliketorunamarathonthere.Youdon’thavetotellmeanythingelse.Iunderstand.”IfIhadtoldherthat,mywifewouldhaveleg-sweptmeandprobablymademesleepunderthecouchinourlivingroom.Thatwouldhavebeenanidioticthingtosay,becauseit’simpossible.I’veneverbeentoSpain.HowcouldIeverthinkthatIcanperfectlyunderstandwhatthatexperiencewaslikeformysister?Andthatwasonlyfivemonthsofher living there.Howcanwecarrydreams inourheart foryears,maybeevendecades, and then expect our friends and familymembers to understand themperfectly?Theywon’t.Don’tbesurprisedbythat.Don’tbedevastatedbythat.Don’tthinkit’sbecauseyou’vefailedtoexplainittherightway.There’sgoingtobesomedegreeofdisconnect.It’syourdream,nottheirs.Givethemthegiftofpatience.Givethemtimetounderstandyourdream.

SupportOneof thebest thingsyoucando toget support foryourdream is to supportsomebody else’s first.When you run into a wall of resistance or indifferencefromfriendsandfamilymembers,stopasking,“HowcanIgetthemtobeafanofmydream?”andinsteadask,“HowcanIbeafanoftheirdream?”Tell themomwho doesn’t getwhat you’re trying to do, “I’ve explainedmydreamafewtimes,butI’veneveraskedyou,what’syours?”Tellthefriendwhoishavingahardtimeunderstandingwhatyou’retryingtodo,“YouknowwhatI’mpassionateabout,butwhat’ssomethingthatyou’repassionateabout?”Telltheboyfriendwhomaythinkyou’realittlecrazy,“IfeellikeI’vebumpedintosomethingI’mdesignedtodo,butwhataboutyou?Istheresomethingyoufeelthatwayabout?IsthereawayIcanhelpyoupursuethat?”Asking thesequestionsmaybeawkwardat firstbecausenobodyusuallyasksthem.Weusuallydon’ttakeinterestinotherpeople’sheartsandhopes.Westaysurfacelevelwithsomanydifferentrelationshipsthatsometimesitfeelsweirdtoaskwhatsomeoneispassionateabout.Butthat’sokay,becausethereisgreatkindnessinaskingsomeonewhattheirdreamis.If you want help for your dream, start by helping someone else with theirdream. If youwant support foryourhope, start bygiving support to someoneelse’s hope. If youwant encouragement as youwork on your calling, start byencouragingotherpeople.Givingsupportisoftenthebestwaytogetit.

OuterCircle:FellowTravelersTheoutersupportcircleisfellowtravelers,peoplewhoareontheirownroadstoawesome.Theycanchallengeyou,motivateyou,andcelebratewithyou.

ChallengeOnWednesdays, I have breakfast with a group of guys in Nashville.When Imoved to thecity, Iput thegroup togetherbecauseIknewhowdangerous theroadtoawesomecouldbeifyouwalkitalone.OnemorningIwastellingtheguysaboutatweetupIhad.Ifyou’veneverbeento one, then congratulations; you haven’t had to use that horrible word. AtweetupiswhereyoumeetwithpeopleyouknowfromTwitter.IheldmyfirstoneinOklahomaCityandtoldtheguysthatwehadsixtypeople.AlmostundermybreathIsaid,“ButIwouldhavebeenhappywithten!”My friend Chris Thomas immediately said, “Really? Would you have beenhappywithten?”Ipauseddramatically,somethingI’malwaysdoinginstoriesIretell,andsaid,“No,Iwouldn’thave.Iactuallywanted100.I’mnotthathappyaboutsixty.”Helaughed,Ilaughed,andthenwethrewafootballintheparkinglottobreakthetensionofthatbriefmomentofintimacy.He was right. I was lying so I’d look humble. I was starting to keep secretmetrics and expectations onmy road to awesome.AndwhenChris held up amirroratbreakfast,Igottoseethemforthefirsttime.Whenhechallengedme,IgottoseetherockyroadIwasonandadjustmycourse.

MotivationYouknowyou’llexercisemoreoftenifyouhaveaworkoutpartner.Youwon’tbe as likely to cheatonyourdiet or skipPilates if you’vegot someonegoingthroughitwithyou.You’llgetupearlyorforgocarbsifyouknowsomeoneelseistrackingwithyou.Ifweunderstandthebenefitofhavingaworkoutpartner,howcomewedon’treplicatethatsamethinginotherpartsofourlives?Whywouldn’tyouhaveadreampartner?Probablybecausethephrase“dreampartner” is pretty lame. But other than that, it’s a concept you’d see instantresultsfromintheformofmotivation.That’swhymy friendStephen callsme regularly and says, “Be Jay-Z.”He’susinga littleshorthandwe’vedevelopedin the last twoyears.He’smotivatingme to be driven and focused and hardworking. After watching Jay-Zmethodicallybuildanempire,he’smotivatingmetodothesame—saveforthemarriagetoBeyoncéandincrediblycrispbilledhats.Isthatsilly?Alittle,butitisnolesssillythanhavingsomeoneyell,“Yougotthis! Give me three more!” in a gym and expecting results. That person isprobably even in tight clothing and sweaty at the time. That’s sillier. But itworks,doesn’tit?Motivationfromfellowtravelers—whetherinthegymorontheroadtoawesome—isapowerfulthing.

CelebrationMyfriendBrewsterandIinventedatable.Iknowwhatyou’rethinkingrightnow:Ofcourseyoudid.I’veseenyourphotoin this book. Your callus-free writer hands may say IKEA, but your pictureindicates that you’re burly and rugged and clearly know your way around abandsaw.WhileIappreciateyounoticingallthosethings,it’snotthatkindoftable.It’snotmadeofwood.Ithasnolegsandcanonlyholdonething,butIpromiseyouit’satablethateveryoneneeds.Whatisit?Abragtable.Brewster and I created it after having breakfast for a fewweeks.We’d beentrying to become better friends and encourage each other, butwe realizedwewerebeingalittledishonest.Everyweekwe’deditthethingswewereproudoforexcitedaboutbecausewedidn’twanttoappearcockyorarrogant.We’dpaintourweekswithabitoffalsehumilityandsharethemwitheachother.Buteventuallywerealizedthat’sreallydumb.Excitementisn’tthesamethingasarrogance.Talkingaboutaprojectyouknockedoutoftheparkdoesn’tmeanyou’recocky.Celebratingsomeaccomplishmentorgoaldoesn’tmakeyouajerk.Wedecidedthateverywhereelseinlifewemayneedtobequiet.Wemayneedtodownplay thingsorstandbehind thescenes,butat thebrag tablewewouldcheer as loudly as we wanted for our dreams and each other. We refused tobelievethatyouronlytwooptionsasayoungleaderaretobeacockyjerkortoneveropenlydiscusssomethingyou’reproudof.Wedecidedtocreateathirdoption—amiddleground.Wecallitthebragtable.There,atbreakfast,wecelebrateeachotherandshareourtriumphswithoutthefearofsomeonesaying,“That’sahumblebrag,”or“Getoveryourself.”Beingvulnerableaboutyourfailuresisonlyhalfofthestory;youhavetobevulnerableenoughtoshareyoursuccessestoo.Which is why I loved getting a text fromBrewster one day. It said, “Can Iapproachthebragtable?”Isaid,“Ofcourse!”Andthenwegottocheerovertextaboutanawardhehadrecentlywon.Thebragtablewentvirtual!Ifyou’reinthelandofHarvesting,behonest.Don’tpretendthatbeingexcitedabout the crop you’re seeing in this land is the same exact thing as beingarrogant.It’snot.You’regoingtoneedyourownbragtable.

DON’TCHASEMOREINSTEADOFAWESOMEOneday I had twoconversationswith twoverydifferent friends.Onewas26and a business owner from California. One was 58 and an author fromTennessee.Ontheoutside,theydidn’thavealotincommon.Buttheywerebothhavingthesameproblem,andit’soneyou’llfaceinthelandofHarvesting.Whencropspopupinyourlife,peoplearegoingtorushtoyoursideandsay,“More!”Theywilltellyouthatyoucouldharvestmoreorgrowmoreorbenefitmoreifyou’djustincreaseproduction.Ifyouexpandedtheterritory,you’dtripleorquadrupleyourawesome.Andtheymayberight—maybeyoucouldharvestmoreifyou’djustdothesefewadditionalthings.Butwhensomeonetellsyou,“More!”Iwantyoutoaskthem,“Why?”MyyoungfriendinCaliforniadidn’tatfirst.Hiscompanywasblowingup.Hemade $500,000 in oneweek. I don’t know your salary at 26, but I’m almostpositiveIdidn’tgetpaid$2millionamonth.Inthemidstofthatgrowth,peoplewere coming out of thewoodwork to tell him, “More!” That his harvest wasnothingcomparedtowhatitcouldbe.Ifhe’djustpushalittleharder,tryalittleharder, expand here and grow there, things could be even bigger. He’d havemore.Hetooktheadviceforawhile,andtheonly“more”heendedupwithwasmoreexhausted.Heendeduptakingtendaysofffromthecompanyinthemiddleoftheswirlbecauseherealizedhedidn’thaveanyCentralPark.Meanwhile,on theother sideof thecountry,my friend inTennesseehad justreleasedanewbook.HewasinafunsceneofHarvesting.Ayoungentrepreneurfound out about it and asked him to lunch. Over the meal, he laid out anextensive plan to growmy friend’s book and platform.My friend had a goodstart,butitcouldbesomuchmore.Ifhe’djustdotherightthingsonTwitterandsocialmedia andmaybe travelmore,he’dbeable to reallyblowuphisbook.He’dgetmore.Insteadofagreeing to theproposal,myfriendsaidwhat Iwantyou tosay inmomentslikethat:“Why?”“WhydoIneedtodothat?Ilikemybook.I’mproudofthebook,andI’vegottwentyyearstosellitandgrowit.IfIfollowyourproposal,itwillbereallyhardformetomaintainmydayjob,whichIlove,orbeagoodhusbandordad.WhydoIneedmorerightthissecond?”Theentrepreneurwasstunned.Nooneaskswhyto“More!”Theyjustchaseit.Andstrainforit.Andoftenwindupwithawholelotofstufftheyneverreallywantedinthefirstplace—someoneelse’sideaofawesome,butnottheirown.

Peoplearegoingtotellyou,“More!”inthelandofHarvesting.Whentheydo,ask them,“Why?”Andif theydon’thaveananswer thatsuitsyourversionofawesome,don’tchangeathing.

DON’TCHASEACCOMPLISHMENTSINSTEADOFAWESOMEEventually, fourteenpeoplearegoingtocometoyourbreakoutsession.That’swhathappenedtometwenty-fourhoursagoinPasadena,California.Iwas scheduled to give a keynote to about 450 people at a conference on aTuesdaynight.Butfirst,Iwoulddoabreakoutsessionintheafternoon.Idon’tknowwhatnumberofpeopleIassumedwouldattendmybreakout,butitwasmorethanfourteen.Aftergivingpeopleafewextraminutestocomein,Istartedthesession.Itwasbrutal.Foronething,nobodyeversitstogetherinsituationslikethat.Theroomwasmassive,withseatingforprobably300people,andtherewereonlyfourteenpeople there. And people don’t laugh when they’re spread out and sitting bythemselves.Normallyinsituationslikethatyou’resupposedtoaskpeopletomoveupandsit together,butIwassocaughtoffguardbythelowattendancethatIbecameflustered.PartofthereasonIwasthrownoffwasthatIcouldhearthelaughterthroughthewallfromthebreakoutnexttomine.Therewerehundredsofpeopleattending that breakout, and the awesomeness theywere all experiencing keptwashingover intomy sad little room.Right as Iwould try tomakeapoint, anewcrescendoofapplauseandlaughterwoulderupt,andI’dhangmyheadforasecondwhileitfinished.Whatwassupposedtobeaseventy-five-minutespeechturnedintoaforty-five-minutespeech.AsIwaspackinguptoleave,threepeoplecameinlateandweresurpriseditwasoveralready.Idecidedtostayanddothewholethingoverforthem.Overall,itwasaroughday,maderougherbythethree-monthwinningstreakIhadbeenon.Mylastfiveeventshadbeentocrowdsof5,000to10,000people.Iwasstartingtofocusonmyaccomplishments.Lookatme!Bigspeakerguy!Suddenly,therugwaspulledoutfromunderme.Itwouldn’thavebeensobadifIcouldhaveretreated.IfIcouldhavegottenbackonaSouthwestflighthome,pretendedabagofpeanutswasenoughofamealforacross-countryflight,andthenpunchedanindiemusicianintheNashvilleairport.ButIcouldn’tdothat.Threehoursaftermybombofabreakout,Ihadtodomykeynote.Ihadtoget

backuponstageinthemainballroomandspeaktotheentireconference.AsIwalkedbacktothehoteltochangeshirts,Ithoughtaboutwhatalousyfuelaccomplishments make. Not that they’re not fun. Not that they’re not to becelebratedorsharedatthebragtable.Notthatyoushouldn’taimforthem,butjustthattheycan’tbeyourchiefmotivation.Theycan’tbewhyyoudowhatyoudo.Theycan’tbethegasthatpowersyoudowntheroadtoawesome.Becauseoneday,inthemiddleofHarvesting,somesituationisgoingtofallapart.You’ll be expecting100people to showup for your event, and fourteenwillcome.You’llbeexpectingsomevideoyoudidtogoviral,anditwon’t.You’llbeexpectingtosell1,000copiesofyourbook,andyouwon’t.Andyouwon’thavetimetofindanewaccomplishmenttochargeyoubackup.You’ll have to take another step, start another job, get back up onstage, andpretendyou’renottalkingto436peoplewhochosenottogotoyourbreakoutthree hours earlier. Because guess what? It’s time to start being awesome.Whetheryouhad2or2,000peopleatyourstoreopening,it’stimebeawesomethenextday.Andthedayafterthat.Youhavetolovetheactofbeingawesome.Writing, selling, singing, runningabusiness—whatever theact is, that’swhathastofuelyouthroughthelandofHarvesting.Evenifyouharvestathousandaccomplishmentsduringyourtimeinthisland,treatthemasrewardsforwhatyoudo,notthereasonsforwhatyoudo.

FEARNOTTHEHARVESTThe fear of failure, though widely discussed and understood, is grosslyoverrated.Itisnotthescariestfearthereis.FarscarierandfarmoresurprisingwhenithitsyouinthelandofHarvestingisthefearofsuccess.Eventhatphrasefeelsalittleridiculous:“Fearofsuccess.”Thatdoesn’tmakeanysense.Isn’tthatwhatwe’vebeenstrivingforalltheseweeksormonthsoryears?Wasn’t thatalways thegoal?Nowthat it finallystartshappening in thelandofHarvesting,howcanwepossiblybeafraidofit?In 1915, Sigmund Freud tried to answer those questions in an essay titled“ThoseWreckedbySuccess.”Init,hetheorizedaboutthe“surprisingandevenbewildering” tendency of some people to fall apart “precisely when a deeplyrootedandlong-cherishedwishhascometofulfillment...asthoughtheywerenotabletotoleratehappiness.”What a terrible trap that is, desperate to achieve somethingbut thenquick todestroyitwhenitoccurs.ElissaSklaroff,aPhiladelphia therapistwhotreatssuccess-fearingexecutives,continues this lineof thinking.“Beingon thebrinkofsuccessbringsacrisis,”shewrote,“andallofourneurosespoprightuptothesurface.Onsomelevel,success-fearing people are running from change—especially from having tochangetheirsecretself-imageasanunsuccessfulorundeservingperson.”5Turnsoutoursecret selves, theonesweeachdecidedweneeded tobeat thestartofthisbook,areundeservingandunsuccessful.That’showIfeelsomedays.Itcomesdowntohistory.Forthirtyyears,Iwasamess-up. Iknowhow tobeamess-up, andnobodyexpects anything from themess-up.Allyou’reexpectedtodoismessup.Failurebecomesmorethanjustan event; it becomes your identity.Average becomes your address.Whenmyfirstbookcameoutandpeoplestartedtoaskmetospeakatdifferentplaces,itwasalittleterrifying.Thehero’sclothesweighedmorethanthevillain’sorthevictim’sclothestome.Iknowhowtoplaythoseroles.Iknowhowtofailandfeelsorryformyself.Fearanddoubtwilltrytoencourageyoutobelieveyouarestill thevictimor thevillain,because theyare terrifiedyouwillmake it to thelandofGuidingandhelpotherpeopledown theirownroads.But ifyou thinkyou’rethevillainorthevictim,youwon’thelpothers.Victimsdon’tguide.Andvillains?Theyspreadhurt,nothope.Success was new and uncharted and ill-fitting to me. I found myself oftenwanting toslip rightback toaveragewhere I’dspentall thoseyearsbefore. Itwasmore likehome tome than awesome. If you spend too longanywhere, it

becomeswhatyouareusedto.Forsomeofyou,thiswillnotmakeanysense.Iamgladforthat.Perhapsyouknow the truth of who you really are, and failure is not an identity you everaccepted. But for others, you are feeling a little homesick in the land ofHarvesting.Sometimes we’re afraid of success because if one area of our lives getsawesome, itwill forceus todealwith the areawe’re really afraidof.Wewilllookforanydistractionfromtheissuewereallydon’twanttodealwith.Ifwecanwreckoursuccess,we’ll stillhavesomething to focuson thatcansaveusfrom seeing what’s really hurting us. It can save us from starting again onsomethingelse.There’s a powerful example of this very issue in themovieBuck. Buck is adocumentaryaboutBuckBrannaman, themanTheHorseWhisperer is looselybasedon.Asachild,Buckandhisbrotherwererodeostarswithahard-drivingfather.Celebratedaroundthenationfortheirropingskills,Buckandhisbrotherseemed to have the perfect life. Off camera, though, their father beat themmercilessly. Eventually, a coach at school saw the bruises on Buck and hisbrotherandpromised themhe’dmakesurenoonewouldeverdo that to themagain.YearslaterBuckbecamefamousinhorsecirclesforhisunbelievablewaytotrainahorsewithouteverresortingtoviolence.It’s an amazing documentary full of great truth, but the most interestingmomentiswhenawomanbringsanincrediblydangeroushorsetoBucktotrain.The stallion is out of control, kicking violently, and eventually bites Buck’scoworkerinthehead,causingadeepgash.Bucktalkswith theownerandasksherabout thestallion.Shesays thathe isone of eighteen stallions that live on her farm. Incredulous that the womanwouldhavemorethanonestalliononherproperty,Buckcutsrighttothechase:

You’renutsforhavingthatmanystudsrunningtogether,lady,I’mtellingyouthat.Most people don’t need studs, and theydon’t need eighteenof them. Idon’tknowwhatyou’retryingtoprove.Andifyou’vegota lotgoingoninyourlife,probablyalotofitisalotbiggerstorythanthishorse.YououghttobeaSEALteammemberorsomethingasmuchriskasyouliketotake.Whydon’tyoulearnhowtoenjoyyourlife?Lifeistooshort.Thishorsetellsmequite a bit about you. This is just an amplified situation ofwhat is.Maybethere’ssomethingsforyoutolearnaboutyou.

Shebreaks down, andyouget the sense that thiswas never about the horse.

This was about some other hurt. Some part of her life that was so raw andunsettledthattheonlywaytoignoreitwastomakeadifferentpartoflifeevencrazier.Ifshehadsoldthosestallions,establishedasuccessfulfarm,andputoutthatparticularfireinherhouse,she’dbeforcedtoadmittherewasanelephantinthe room.Later in the film, she cries in her interviewand says, “He’s right. Imean,he’sright.I . . .youknow?He’sright.It’snot just thehorse.He’srightaboutmylife.”6Thechaosof thehorseswas theperfecthidingplacefromsomeotherpartofher life. Success with the stallions—essentially an impossibility—would haveuncoveredherhidingplace.That’sthesamereasonIthrewatantrumoverahyphen.MybookQuitterwasabouttocomeout.Speakingengagementswerepickingup.Opportunitiesweremultiplying,anditfeltlikeIwaswalkingintoaseasonof Harvesting. I instinctually tried to pump the brakes and throw a monkeywrench into the process. I started freakingout aboutwhether or not the covershould have a hyphen in the word best-selling. I took pictures of books atairports and texted them to my team members. I emailed people about myconcerns and tried to dig my heels in for a long, drawn-out battle over thehyphen.I didn’twant the book to come out. Iwas afraid of the success and bent ontrying toslowthingsdown.Andrather thandealwithmyissues that thebookreleasewasexposing—secretlybelieving Iwasmeant tobe a failure—IclungwitheverythingIhadtoahyphen.Fortunately,noonetookmybait.Theyrefusedtobelievemyproteststhatthehyphendecisionwouldsignificantly impact thenumberofbookswesold.Thebookcameout.AndIhadtofacesomethingsI’dbeenrunningfromforyears.ItwaseasiertohidewhenIwasworkingatajobIdidn’tloveandnotchasingmyawesome.Icouldsaythingslike,“SomedayI’llwriteabook.SomedayI’llspeak.SomedayI’llpursueallthesedreams.”Untilthatdaycame,Icouldignoreall theotherissuesinmylife.Ihadatargetformydistraction.ButonceIhadwritten a book and done a few speaking gigs and experienced a little bit ofsuccess, therewassuddenlyspace inmy life. In the landofHarvesting,you’llfindthatthere’sroomandaninvitationtokeepexploringwhoyouareandwhoyouweremeant tobe.Thatcanbescary.Butdon’trunfromit.Don’tfear theharvest. And don’t fight it. Lean into it and know that in many ways, youradventureinawesomeisjustbeginning.That’sbecauseeveryharvestushersinanewstart.

8:Guiding

8

GUIDING

AFRIENDONCETOLDMEthateverygreatstoryhasthesamefourparts:

InnocenceInnocencelostCopingwiththelossResolutionHe then proceeded to show me how every successful movie follows thatpattern. Take Toy Story 3, for instance. In the first scene, the toys are beingplayed with—their definition of innocence. Then their owner, Andy, goes tocollege,andtheyfindthemselvesdiscardedinatrashbag—innocencelost.Thentheymakeit toadaycare,butthere’savillaintheretheymustcopewith.Themovieeventuallyconcludeswith the toys livingwithanewlittlekidwhowillplaywiththemlikeAndyusedtodo—resolution.I think that breakdown works perfectly for movies and sitcoms becauseeventually the credits roll. The lights come back on, the audience goes home,andthestoryisover.Butoursisn’t.Unlesstheyarereadingthisbookoutloudatyour graveside service, your story has many scenes left. But if you’re notcareful, ifyou think fear isdone trying toquietlyseduceyouback toaverage,you’ll get stuck firmly in the landofGuiding.You’ll buy the lie that one tripdown the road to awesomewas enough.Youmay even think that oneharvestwasallyouarecapableof.You’dbewrong.

HOWTOTURNAHEADLINEINTOANEPITAPHAs I’ve alreadymentioned, inNovember2009, the readersofmybloghelpedraise$60,000tobuildtwokindergartensinVietnam.My favoritepartof that story ishowquickly they raised the first $30,000. Ifyou remember, 2009 wasn’t the greatest year for our economy. Houses were

selling for a nickel, themortgage industrywas imploding, and unemploymentwasrampingup.Intothatlandscapewedaredattempttoraiseaninitial$30,000foravillagenoonehadheardof,inacountrymostofuswouldneverhavethechancetovisit.Wethoughttheprojectwouldtakeweekstocomplete.Doyouknowhowlongittook?Eighteenhours!Theentire$30,000wasraisedinlessthanaday.Ifyoudidn’t read my blog that Monday, you missed it. (That’s why we decided toraisedanother$30,000andbuildasecondkindergarten.)It was a funmoment thatmade for a great headline in theAtlanta Journal-Constitution:“Bloggerraises$30,000in18hours.”ButthreeyearslaterIhadturnedthatheadlineintoanepitaphonagravestoneinthelandofGuiding.Ididn’tintendtogetstuckinthelandofGuiding,butnobodyeverwarnedmethat thestorypatternmyfriendsharedis, inreal life, incomplete.Nobodytoldmethatafter“Resolution”comes“Startanewstory.”Soinsteadofstartingagain,IgotreallycomfortableinthelandofGuiding.Itold the story about our fundraiser dozens of times to dozens of audiences. Iknew justwhichparts to drag out dramatically. I had just the right amount ofjokespepperedthroughoutsoitnevergottooheavy.AndthenI’daskthecrowd,“Doyouknowhowlongittookustoraisethemoney?”ThenI’dpauseperfectlyand let the tension build before yelling, “Eighteen hours!” (Only once didsomeoneinthecrowdactuallyanswermyquestionbyguessing,“Threehours!”beforeIcouldrevealtherealnumber.Methensaying,“Eighteenhours”afterhisimpossiblyoptimisticguessofthreehourswasabitofaletdown.)Itwasawonderful story,andwitheachpassingweekandmonthandyear, itbecamefirmlyingrainedintowhoIthoughtIwas.Ididn’tevennotice thatwashappeninguntil itcametimeto tellanewstory.MywifeandIwantedtodoanotherproject.We’ddonesmallonesintheyearsbetweenbuthadneverjumpedbackintoanotherbigproject.OnenightItoldmywifethatIwasready.Iwasreadytostartagain.Iwasreadytoraise$25,000!When I told her that, it got a little quiet in the living room. I think shewasmentally doing themath in her head.Okay, first project raised $60,000. Nextproject,we’regoing toreallystretchourselvesandraise$25,000!Aftera fewseconds,shespokeup.Inhersuccinctstylethathascausedmanyareadertosay,“Whenwillyourwifewriteabookalready?”shesaidtome,“Idareyoutolosesomeface.”Oh,BryanAdams, lovedoescut likeaknife!Shehadme. Ididn’tdecide to

raise $25,000 because that’s what I felt called to do or that’s the number thecharity organization needed. I picked $25,000 because Iwas afraid I’d fail toraiseasmuchas last timeandintheprocesskill theheadlineI’dturnedintoamythand,ultimately,myepitaph.Ipicked$25,000becauseIthoughtwewouldeasily eclipse that and I’d get a new headline: “Blogger raises $25,000 in 4hours!”Hoorayforme!Canwepausehereforasecondandreviewthedepthsofmyridiculousness?IwasbasingthisnewprojecttobuildahospitalinVietnamon its ability to protect my ego. I don’t know what you did today that wasdastardly,butsurelyit’snotasbadasthat.Atthebareminimum,youshouldfeelbetteraboutyourownlifewhilereadingthisbook.RealizingwhatIwasdoingwiththe$25,000project,mywifeandIdecidedtoregroupandfigureoutnewwayswecouldpartnerwithorganizationstodoevenbiggerprojectsinthefuture.HowdidIgetstuck in the landofGuiding, though?HowdidI takeeighteenmonths to learn, edit, master, and harvest an idea like building an onlinecommunitythatraisesmoney,onlytofallrightbackintoaveragewhenitwasallsaidanddone?Fearanddoubt.Thoughwe’vepunchedthoseenemiesinthefaceathousandtimesthroughoutourjourney,theyrefusetogiveusafreepassinanyland,especiallythelastone.Butatleasttheyareconsistent;atleastweknowwhattheyaregoingtotellusin the land of Guiding. At least we won’t be surprised when they attempt toarguebothsidesofthecoin.

THESTARTINGCYCLEMyfriendJohnCrist isacomedian.He’s toured internationally,openedupforsomebignames,andhasalotofthepiecesnecessaryforalongcareerinplace.Buthestillbombs.Hestillhasnightswherethelaughsarefewandthehecklesareplentiful.Onenightinthemiddleofhisset,hetoldthecrowd,“Icareaboutthe environment; that’swhy the chain saw Iuse to cutdown somany trees issolar-powered.”Awoman in the crowd stopped the entire show by launchinginto a loud monologue about the impossibility of a solar-powered chain saw.Turnsoutshecamefromafamilyofloggers.AsyouwatchJohnlosethecrowdonthevideoofthatnight,hisfaceseemstosay,“Really?OfalltheimpossiblescenariosI’vesharedtonightintheformofjokes,it’sthesolar-poweredchainsawthatisgoingtowreckthismoment?”Howdoyouprepareforthepossibilityofalumberjack’saggressivedaughterin

theaudience?Youdon’t.Soonsomenights,Johnbombs.That’spartofcomedy,and when we talked about it one day on the phone, I realized it was part ofGuidingtoo.John told me that the best part of comedy was that he didn’t have to carryaroundthefailuresforthatlong.Iaskedhimwhathemeant.Heexplained:

A failurewouldhurt a lot if Iwereonlyperformingonceamonthoronceeveryothermonth.There’dbe a thirty-to sixty-daywindow forme to carryaroundthatfailure.I’dsitwithitforallthoseweeksandit’dbereallyheavy.Butwithcomedy,ifIfailduringthe7:00p.m.show,Ionlyhavetocarryitforanhouruntilthe8:00p.m.show.Itdoesn’thavetimetodefinemewhenIstartagainsoquickly.

John learned that if he can shorten his starting cycle, failures don’t have thetimetodefinehim.Attheendofthenight,whathappenedat7:00p.m.doesn’tholdawholelotofweightwhenheperformedsuccessfullyat8:00p.m.and9:00p.m.Hestartssooftenthattheshadowofonefailurelookstinyinthelightofallthenewopportunitiesforsuccess.Thesameprincipleapplieswithsuccess.Ifyoudon’tstartagain, ifyoudon’tshare what you’ve learned with other travelers and head back to the land ofLearningwithafreshstart,yesterday’ssuccesseswillstarttodefineyourtodayandtomorrow.Insteadofjustcelebratingthem,whichyoushoulddo,you’llstarttoprotectthem—tomanicurethemyth.Andyou’llbeafraidtostartoverforfearoflosingyoursuccessfulidentity.That’swhyIgotstuckinthelandofGuiding.Ididn’tstartagainquicklyenoughbecauseIwasfearfuloflosingmysuccessfulidentity.That’s the brilliance of fear and doubt. If your first stroll down the road toawesomedidn’tgenerate the resultsyouexpected, theywill tellyou,“See,wetoldyouthiswholethingwasawasteoftime.Youfailed!Averageiswhereyoubelong.”Ontheotherhand,ifyoudoexperiencesomesuccessandmakeittothelandofGuiding,fearanddoubtwillwhisper,“Don’tleave.Whatifthiswasjustaluckybreak?Whatifyournewnextadventureisn’tassuccessfulasthisone?Whatifyoucan’tmaintainthismomentum?Don’ttryagain.”That’s what happened to another friend of mine. She signed a two-bookpublishingdeal. Shemade it to the landofGuiding and evenhelpedmewithsomeadvicewhenIwasgettingstarted.Butshenevermadeitbackoutherself.Her firstbookcameout in1995.She toldmeawonderful idea for thesecond

bookin2001.It’snowmorethanadecadelater,andthereisnosecondbookinsight.Thetruetragedyofa“one-hitwonder”isn’tthatsomeonereleasesonebigsongand thenneverhasanother song that ispopular.They’re stillmakingmusic inthatscenario;theyjustdidn’tsellalotofcopies.They’restilllivingoutoftheirdefinitionofawesome.They’restillsharingtheirgift.Therealtragedyofaone-hitwonderiswhensomeonesucceedsonceandthennevertriesagain.Nomatteryourcircumstances,ifyouwanttobemoreawesome,you’vegottostart again. That begins in the land ofGuidingwhen you start helping othersdownthepathsthey’reon.ItcontinueswhenyoureturntothelandofLearningwithsomethingnewofyourowntostart.Thoughitmaylooklargeatfirst,thegapbetweenthelandofGuidingandthelandofLearningissurprisinglysmall.

THEBORDERLESSLANDSBEYOND“I’vegotachallengeIneedyourhelpwith.”ThatwastheemailthatbroughtmedowntoDaveRamsey’sofficeseventy-twohours before his new book tour kicked off. He hadn’t written a new book insevenyears.Hewouldvisitmorethantwentycitiesinthirtydays.Hewouldflyaroundthecountryandspeaktotensofthousandsofpeople.Ourentirecompanywascoiledtightly,likeaspringreadyforthemassivelaunch.AndthechallengeDavehadinthatmomenthadnothingtodowiththebook.“Thereasonwedoallofthisisforthepeopleouttherewhoneedhope.Duringthebooktour,I’dlovetoheareveryone’sstoryandspendtimewiththem,butifIdothat,Iwon’tbeabletoservethepeopleatthebackoftheline.With2,000peopleper event, howdo I let everyone thereknow that their storymatters tous?”Ontheedgeofaprojectyears in themaking,whena lotof leaderswouldbeasking, “How do I get these folks through the line faster?”Davewas asking,“Howdo I serve thembetter?”Hewas asking, “Howdo Imake sure that thewomaninOhio,whojustlostherhouseandisintears,knowsthatwe’reheretohelpher?”Thiswasn’t somethinghewasdoing for the stageoracameraorany sortofpublicity.Thiswashimandmealoneinhisoffice,talkingaboutthefinallandontheroadtoawesome—Guiding.The secret thatDave knows and the one that tookme years to understand isthis:helpingotherpeoplebettertheirlivesiswaymorefunthanobsessingabout

betteringyourown.Awesomealwaysgoesviral.Joyiscontagious.Whenyoufindsomethingyoulovedoing,youcan’thelpbutwanttotellotherpeople how to find something they love doing too.When thememory fog ofaverage has cleared from your head and the true availability of awesome hasbeenrevealed,youwanteveryonetoknow.Thatistheprogressionofawesome100percentofthetime.Nooneeverusestheirnewleaseonlifetomakesureotherpeople’slivesaremoremiserable. Ebenezer Scrooge sprinted through the snowy townwhen hewasgivenasecondchanceonlife. InIt’saWonderfulLife,GeorgeBaileyranthrough the streets when he was given a second chance at life. If the saying“Hurtpeoplehurtpeople”istrue—andIbelieveitis—thentheoppositeistrueaswell.“Helpedpeoplehelppeople.”Youmaynotbea teacher.Youmaynot thinkyou’rea leader.Youmayhavebeenselfishyourentirelifeleadinguptoyourfirststepontheroadtoawesome(Iwas).Butuponenjoyingthefruitsofyourfirstharvestandthencrossingintothe landofGuiding,you’ll start to feel the rumbleof thequestion,“Howdo Ihelpotherpeopledothis?”To answer that question, you’ll first have to put to bed threeGuidingmyths.Thatphrasesoundsalittlelikethenameofasoapoperathatcombinestheissuesof a modern dynasty based in New Jersey with the problems of the ancientGreeks in years gone by. Guiding Myths: Where Socrates Meets Seacaucus.Guiding, fortunately, will not be that dramatic, and inmost cases, it tends tosneakuponyou.Thoughyoumaynothaveknownit,you’vebeenguidingsincethemomentyoutookyourfirststepontheroadtoawesome.Becauseallittakestoguideistobeonestepaheadofsomeoneelse.WhenyouwereinthelandofLearning,friendswhowerestillstuckonaveragewerewatchingyou.Youguidedthemevenifnotonpurpose.Whenyouwereinthe land of Editing, family members who were behind you in the land ofLearning were monitoring your progress. Some were being inspired by yourprogress.Whenyouwere inMastering . . . I thinkyouknowwhereI’mgoingwiththis.We’vegotfivelands—thiscouldtakeforever.Ipersonallydon’thaveagreattrackrecordwhenitcomestoguiding.MylowpointwasprobablywhenIgotcaughtshopliftingonthewaytoachurchyouthgroupleader’smeetingintheninthgrade(Ihadasmidgeofwhatyoumightcall“hypocrisy” inmy life).Thatphonecall from thepolice stationwasnot a fun

oneformeormyfather, thepastor.Since then, though, Ihave learnedhowtomove beyond the threemyths that tend to cripplemost people in the land ofGuiding.

Myth#1:Youshouldn’tguideuntilyoufeelready.OnedayImetavisualartistwhowantedtoworkonsomenewprojects.Hetoldme, “I want to help people in Christian filmmaking, but I don’t have anyexperienceinthat.”Iaskedhimwhathewascurrentlydoing.Hereplied,“Ididalot of the motion graphics for the Transformer movies and currently own adesigncompanywithaboutfiftyemployees.”Itriedtosuppressasmallgiggle.“Transformers?YouworkedonthemotiongraphicsforTransformersanddon’tfeel like you’vegot the experienceyouneed to break into themotiongraphicscenewithinChristianfilmmaking?”IimmediatelycalledmyfriendScott,whorunstheECHOconferenceinDallas,and within a matter of days my new friend Sean was scheduled to lead abreakout.Whydidn’tSeanseehowqualifiedand readyhewas toguideotherpeople?Becausenoonecanseethatabout themselves.Thetalentwehavethehardesttimerecognizingisourown.AsauthorDerekSiverssays,thewayyoulookattheworldis“obvioustoyou”butoften“amazingtoothers.”1Youcan’tsee it because you’ve seen it for years, if not your whole life. But for otherpeople?Yourawesomeisfreshandnewandworthyofbeingshared.Don’tfeelreadytoguide?That’sokay;nobodydoes.Guideanyway.

Myth#2:Youshouldonlyshareyoursuccesses.SometimesIfail.AndwhenIdo,Isaythesefourwords:“Thistooshallpost.”Itusedtobe“Thistooshallpass,”butthenIlearnedsomethingaboutsharingmyfailureswithreadersofmyblogposts.Peoplecanrelatetothem.Chancesare,they’vehadtheirown.Chancesare,theythoughttheyweretheonlyones.Theycan also learn from your experience. If you share honestly about your ownfailures,peoplecanoftenavoidhaving the same thinghappen to them. Ifyousteppedinaholeandithurt,ithelpsifyoutellotherpeoplenottostepinthatsamehole.The temptation,of course, is toonly shareyour success.From the stageas apublicspeakerorfromthemailboxasaneighbor,it’smuchmorecomfortabletotellastoryinwhichyoumadeawisedecision.Youlookalittlelikeagoodguy.You win. Fight this temptation. We’re full-up on guiders who only recountmistakes theymade twenty years ago.We’ve got enough people onFacebook

tellingusabouttheirperfectlives.We’vegotmorecelebritiescraftingfictionalreality lives than we can possibly stand.What we’re missing is people who,whentheyfail,say,“Thistooshallpost.”We need people who, instead of dramatizing the failure or glamorizing it orover-sharingininappropriateways,simplyaskthequestion,“WhatdidIlearninthisexperience thatmayhelpsomeoneelse?”Youdon’tneedablog to“post”either.Apostforyoumaymeancoffeewithafriendoraphonecalltoafamilymember.Weallhavethechancetoposteverydayinamilliondifferentways.Now,don’ttakethistotheextremeandbelievetheliethat“failureisthebestwaytolearn.”Guidinginvolvessharingbothyourfailuresandyoursuccesses.Successisactuallythebestwaytolearn.It’salsothemostfunwaytolearn.Theproblemisthatyouhavetoask,“How?”afteryousucceed.Howdidthatwork?Howdidthatsucceed?Howwasthatsuchawin?Successyouimproveonandsharewithotherpeopleisalwaysabetterteacherthanfailure.Can failure teach great lessons? Without a doubt. But don’t buy theromanticized version of failure our culture loves to shop around. Losing youronlyclient ishorrible.Losingyourhouse ishorrible.Getting fired ishorrible.You’ll definitely learn some lessons from those experiences, but having asuccessful business, having a successful job, and having a host of successfulclientswillteachyoufarmorethanfailureeverwill—ifyou’llstoptoaskhowandthensharethoseresultswiththepeopleyouguide.

Myth#3:Everyoneshouldguidetheexactsameway.For the last three years, I’ve had a monthly phone call with my friendMikeFoster.He’s a fewyears aheadofmeon the road to awesomeandgenerouslyshares his wisdom in our regular hour-long phone calls. Around year two, IstartedtofeellikemaybeIneededtopaythatforward.MaybeIneededtosetupafewphonecallmeetingswithguysyoungerthanmeandguideinthesamewayMikeguidesme.Mywife,whoissmarterandhalfaninchtallerthanme,askedmethequestionI’veaskedyoualotinthisbook:“Why?”“Why,doyou thinkbecausehe’sguidedyouthatwaythatyouneed toguidesomeoneelsethatexactsameway?Youhatethephone.You’renotthatgreatatkeepingappointments.Yourabilitytoholddownalong-termworkcommitmentoveraperiodofyears is spottyatbest.Yourstrength ishelping lotsofpeoplestart.Playtothat—don’tjustreplicatewhatMikeisgoodatifyou’renotgoodatittoo.”Shewasright.Sometimesinourdesiretopayitforward,wethinkwehaveto

pay it forward in the exact samewaywe received it. ButGuiding, like everyotherlandinthisbook,isnotone-size-fits-all.Maybealong-term,weeklycoffeementorshipishowyouneedtoguidesomeone.Maybeablogwhereyoushareideas you’ve learned is how you need to guide.Maybe amonthly discussionwithagroupofsixguysishowyoushouldguide.Thereareamillionwaysyoucanguide.Findtheonethatworksbestforyouandthendothat.Alot.

HOWTOGUIDEThedesiretohelpothersisanaturalby-productofbeingawesome.Beinggreatatguiding isunfortunatelynot.Likeeveryother land,Guiding takesdisciplineandwisdom.Ifyou’vewrestledyourwaythroughthemythsandfeelreadytohelpsomeoneelsedowntheirpathtoawesome,therearethreesimplewaystostart.

Askaquestion.The greatest way to ensure you fail at something new is to attempt to be anexpertatitondayone.Whileweseetheabsurdityofthatapproachinphysicalactivities like running—no one wakes up one day having never run andcompletesamarathonthatafternoon—inotherareas,weoftenbelievewemustgozeroto100mphinamatterofseconds.That’swhat happenswith guiding.We’ve never guided someone else before,andyetwefeeltheneedtooneday.Welookupthedefinitionofmentoringandthen think toourselves, I just need to find someonewhoneedsmyadviceandencouragement.We’llhavecoffeeeverymorning for thenext sixtyyears, formthekindoffriendshipthatmakesyouwanttojumponagrenadeforeachother,andthenwe’llbeburiednexttoeachotherinthecemetery.Heain’theavy;he’smybrother!Theweightofthattaskfeelsoverwhelming,asitshould,sowegiveupbeforeweevenbegin.Notyou though.Notmeeither.We’renotgoing togo intoGuiding like that.Allwe’regoingtodoisaskonepersononequestion.Someoneoncetoldmethatthesecrettobeinghumbleisrememberingthatit’snot all about you. “It’s” meaning the world, the day, the conversation at thecopiermachineatwork,thetrafficjamyou’restuckin,etc.Myfriendsaidthatinordertoreallybelieveit’snotallaboutyou,youhavetobelievethateveryoneismoreinterestingthanyou.Thepersonwhocleansyour

roomatahotel,theguynexttoyouintraffic,thebusinessmanwhositsnexttoyouonaplane.Everyone.I thought thiswas an impossible feat and, honestly, kind of dumb advice. Itsoundedlikethekindofthingpeoplewhoaresecretlyarrogantsaywhenthey’retryingtopretendthey’rehumble.Everyoneismoreinterestingthanyou?Comeon. I’vemet some boring people; so have you.How in theworld do you seeeveryoneasmoreinterestingthanyou?It just seemed silly, even when I heard brilliant minds like Jim Collins talkabout this very issue. Once, while seeking wisdom about how to be a betterteacher, JimCollinswas toldbyStanfordprofessor JimGardner, “Itoccurs tome,Jim,thatyouspendtoomuchtimetryingtobeinteresting.Whydon’tyouinvestmoretimebeinginterested?”2Istilldidn’tgetit,though.Then,onenightonaplaneridefromDenver,itsuddenlymadesense.Howso?Well,I’vealwaysgotaccesstome.I’mwithmeallthetime.Ican’tget away fromme. I’mwithme 24/7.But the lady on the planewho teachesspecial-needscollegestudents,whoisflyinghometojoinhertwinsisterandtherest of her family towelcome her brother home from Iraqwhere he’s been afighterpilot?I’llprobablyneverseeheragain.She’s got a really interesting story. And I’ll never, ever get to hear it againunlessIaskheraquestionandthenlistentowhatshe’sallabout.Mostofthepeopleyoubumpintoonanaveragedayareonlygoingtobethereforasecondoraminute.Andthenthey’regone,sweptbackintotherestoftheday.Andyou’veonlygotamomenttoheartheirstories,asecondtopauseyourbusylifelongenoughtohearaboutsomebodyelse’sandmaybeevencontributetoitwithabitofguiding.Youraccessisincrediblylimited.Andtheyaremoreinterestingthanyou.Ipromise.Thatcovers intersectionswithstrangers,butwhatabout thepeopleweseeallthetime?Coworkers,friends,familymembers.Whyaretheysointeresting?Because you already know your stories. You’ve heard them a dozen times.Whatcouldtheypossiblytellyou?Well, thecoworkerwhoissosarcastiche’spractically surly—do you know that guy? Is he at your office too?Hewas atmine.He’sgoingtocryatlunchwhenyouaskhimhowhe’sdoing,becauseitturns out he’swalking away from thewreckageof a seconddivorce, andhe’sexhausted carrying his story alone. It’s really heavy.And he’d gladly share itwithyouifyouweren’tsofocusedonthinkingit’sallaboutyou.It’snot.

Ifyou’llaskpeopleaquestion,moreoftenthannotthey’lltellyouastorythatwillblowyouawayormakeyou laughorcryoramillionother things.Moreoftenthannot,whetherit’saconversationonaplanewithastrangeryou’llneverseeagainoracoworkeryou’veseenforyears,thatquestionyouaskwillbeginaconversation.Andguidingalwaysstartswithaconversation.Wanttoguide?Askonepersononequestion.

Tieguidingtosomethingyoualreadycareabout.Formonths,myfriendStephenandItriedtogetbreakfastregularly.We’rebothin a similar spot in life right now and could use some mutual guidance. Formonthsweweren’tableto.Somethingalwayscameup.Ourweeksgottoofull.Itwashardtoevergetonaregular schedule, until we tied that moment of guidance to somethingunexpected—thegym.Insteadofgoingtobreakfast,wedecidedtoworkouttogether.Wedecidedthattwotothreetimesaweek,we’dmeetattheYat6:15a.m.We’dspendforty-fiveminutes talking, exercising, and hanging out. That may sound like a smallchange,butthesuccessrateofithasbeentremendous.We’restillthesamepeoplewiththesamebusyweeks,buttyingguidingtothegymchangedeverything.Becausewebothknowweneedtoworkoutregularly.We didn’t need to eat pancakes regularly.We bothwere already interested inexercise.Andgoingtothegymtwotothreetimesaweekissomethingyoucandowithoutgettingweird.EatingatCrackerBarrel threetimesaweekwiththesamepersonisweird.Howmuchold-timeymaplesyrupdoesonepersonneed?I’m not the only onewho does this.Mywife goes on ten-mile powerwalkswithherfriendEmilyafewtimesaweek(Ididn’tthinkthisqualifiedasexerciseuntil I tried it andnearlydied).Otherpeoplewill takeanart class togetherorvolunteer at an animal shelter together. If you’re going to be successful atguiding,don’tbeafraidtotieittosomethingelsethatgivesyoumomentum.While guiding is a natural consequence of being awesome, let’s not kidourselves that every morning for the rest of your life you’ll wake up with aspring in your step and a song in your heart about helping others. Somemorningsit’smydesireformypantstonotbesotightthatthetopbuttonpopsoff and kills somebody. That gets me to the gym, not the desire to guidesomeone.ButonceI’matthegym,I’malwaysgladStephenandIbothmaketheefforttohelpeachotheralongtheroadtoawesome.

Pickyourspotscarefully.In the land of Editing, we honed our passions down with laser-like focus.Guidingrequiresthesamelevelofintentionality,unlessyouwanttofeellikeajerkforafewyears.Thatwasmyinitialexperiencewithhelpingothers.Aftermyfirstbookcameout,peopleonlinestartedtoaskmequestionsabouthowtowriteabook.That’sfun,butIapproachedguidingtoocasually.Iwasn’tdeliberateabouttheplacesIprovidedguidance.Itriedtohelppeopleeverywhereandendedupnotsucceedinganywhere.Icouldn’trespondtoallthequestionsonTwitter,andthatmademefeellikeajerk.Icouldn’trespondtoallthequestionsonmyblog,andthatmademefeellikeajerk.Icouldn’trespondtoalltheemailsIgot,andthatmademefeellikeajerk.Turnsout, thebestway toalwaysmissyour target is tomakesureyouneverestablishone.Youwillbe swampedwithopportunities toguideotherpeople.Maybenotatfirst. It tookmonthsandmonths for a stranger to askme tograbcoffee sohecould“pickmybrain.”Butitwillhappen,andIwantyoutobereadywithafewboundariessoyoucandothegreatestgoodpossible.Imademyboundariessimple.Idon’tgive long,detailedadviceonTwitter,because it’snota long,detailedmedium.When someone sendsme a tweet that says, “Canyou please tellmehow towrite a book?” it’s impossible to successfully fulfill that request via a140-characterreply.Trying,andthenfeelingbadabouttheinevitablefailure,isawasteoftimeandenergy.Idon’tgotobreakfasteveryday,orlunchorcoffee.Ionceheardapastorsay,“I’dlovetogotocoffeewitheveryoneofyou,butthenI’dneverhavetimetodoall the things thatmakeyouwant tohavecoffeewithme in thefirstplace.Likestudying,reading,researching,andhelpingthepeopleI’vecommittedto.”Instead, I have a lunch window open every Friday for strangers who ask forguidance.That’sapotentiallunchwithfifty-twonewpeopleayear.Insteadofitfloatingaroundonthecalendarandtanglingmeupwithschedulingheadaches,IknowexactlywhenI’mavailable.I also disappoint the right people. I learned this trick by signing up forsomething called the “Warrior Dash.” It’s a 5K obstacle course that involvesmud,fire,water,andVikinghelmets. Isignedupfor itmonthsbefore therace

date,buttwenty-fourhoursbeforetheevent,Idecidednottogo.Why?Becauseit’simportanttodisappointtherightpeopleinmylife.Foryears,IthoughtifIlivedaperfectlife,Icouldmakeeveryonehappyandnever disappoint anyone. I know that’s a foolish thought, but people-pleaserslikemeareconstantlyintoxicatedwithexpectationslikethat.Butthedaybeforetherace,Irealizedsomething:Iwasgoingtobeoutoftownfor the next threeweekends. I speak at theDaveRamsey live events, andwewereheadedouttovisitthreedifferentcities.Ihadachoicetomake.Icouldeitherdisappointmykids—whoneedguiding—and tell them, “Hey,on theSaturdaybefore I’mgone for threeSaturdays in arow,I’mgoingtospendfivehoursrunninginaraceinsteadofhangingoutwithyou.”Or, I coulddisappointmy friendsand tell them,“I’vegot tobailon theWarriorDash.”Idecidedtodisappointmyfriends.Insteadofdoingtherace,IspenttheentireSaturdaywithmywifeandkidsatabotanicalgarden.Itwasanamazingday,andIfeltinstantlythatIhadmadetherightdecision.Asyouguide,you’regoing todisappointpeoplewhowantyour timeoryourinputoryourattendance.Andoftenyouwon’tbeabletogiveittothem.Butit’sokaytodisappointpeople,aslongasyoumakesureyou’redisappointing(andguiding)therightpeople.ThebiggestlessonformewastonotsayyestothingsIamultimatelygoingtosaynoto.Whenmyfriendsaskedmetorunintherace,Ishouldhavelookedatmycalendar,seenthe travelIhadscheduled,andsaidno.ButIdidn’twant todisappoint them. My initial yes only amplified the disappointment of meeventuallysayingnotwenty-fourhoursbeforetherace.Don’t tell polite lies, like “Let’s grab coffee sometime,” when you have nointentionofdoingthat.Pickyourguidingspotscarefully,andthensticktothem.

FASTRUNNERSYougot your start in guidingwith a single question.You then tiedguiding tosomething you’re already interested in, and you picked your spots carefully.Now,howdoyouknowyou’reguiding?Howdoyouknowyou’rereallyhelpingothers?Theotherlandstendtohavediscerniblesigns.Whataboutguiding?I think thebestwaytoknowifyou’rereallyhelpingpeople is toobserve thepaceofeveryoneelsewhoisrunningwithyou.Inthe2012SummerOlympics,KenyanDavidRudishasettheworldrecordin

the800-meterrace.Onthesurface,thatisnotsoamazing.Lotsofrecordswereset during the games, and lots of people got gold medals. Usain Bolt gotconsiderablymorepressthanRudisha.Butinmanyways,Rudisha’sracewasfarmore amazing not because of what he accomplished with his running, butbecauseofwhathisrunninginspiredineveryotherrunnerintherace.Sevenoftheeight runnersset theirpersonalbestsduring therace.The last-placerunnerwasthefastestlastplaceinthehistoryoftheevent.3DavidSymmonds,theAmerican,cameinfifth,whichisn’tgreatuntilyoulookat thehistorybooks.Symmonds’sfifth-place timewouldhavewonhimagoldmedal in 2008. And 2004. And 2000. In fact, Symmonds’s fifth-place finishwouldhavebeengoodenoughforagoldineveryOlympics,exceptone,since1896.4Howweresomanyathletesabletoachievesomuchinonerace?Someone set the pace a little ahead of them. Or as the Guardian reported,“Rudisha pulled the field around behind him, like a speedboat leading sevenwater-skiers.”5The other runners couldn’t help but raise their game that night. Rudisha’spursuitofawesomewasinfectious.You may not feel qualified to guide. But please know that in the land ofGuidingyouhavethechancetodosomethingevenmoreimportant.Youhavethechancetochangetheworld.You never get to change the world before you change your life. Now thatyou’vewalked through four lands and are standing in the fifth and final land,you’vechangedyourlifequitesignificantly.Nowit’stimetochangetheworld.Peoplearemistakenwhen they thinkchasingyourdreamisaselfish thing todo.Asifperhapsbeingaverageisanactofhumility.Asifperhapswastingthetalentsyouweregivenisproofthatyou’reaconsiderateindividual.It’snot.“Ifyouweremeanttocurecancerorwriteasymphonyorcrackcoldfusionandyoudon’t,”assertsStevenPressfield,“younotonlyhurtyourself,evendestroyyourself; you hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet. Creativeworkisnotaselfishactorabidforattentiononthepartoftheactor.It’sagifttotheworld and every being in it.Don’t cheat us of your contribution.Give uswhatyou’vegot.”6

HERE’SWHAT’SNEXTFORYOU

1.Findsomeonetoguide.2.Takeanotherpartofyourlifebacktothestart,andjourneydowntheroadtoawesomeagain.

That’sit.ThosearetheonlythingsweultimatelydointhelandofGuiding.We just talked about the first step. That one is pretty easy. If anything, thehardestpartwillbedecidingwhichpeople toguide.Peoplewhonoticeyou’renot average tend towant to take you out to coffee and ask, “What’s differentaboutyou?”Thesecondisactuallyaninvitationtothefountainofyouth.Turnsoutit’snotinFlorida;it’sontheroadtoawesomeinwhicheverstateorcountryyoulive.The only way to stay young is to keep learning. That’s not last-chapterhyperbole—that’s science. In the bookTen Steps Ahead, Erik Caloniuswrote,“Eventhoughthenumberofneuronsinthehumanbraindecreasesasweage(ashasbeensaidtimeandagain),thenumberofsynapticconnectionscangrowaslongaswelive.Ifwekeepusingournoodle,inotherwords,wecanmakeourbrainbettereveryday.”Neuroscientists Steven Quartz and Terrance Sejnowski report, “Being bornsomewaydoesn’tamounttoforeverremainingthatway.. . .Yourexperienceswith the world alter your brain’s structure, chemistry, and genetic expression,oftenprofoundlythroughoutyourlife.”Andmost encouraging—given that the first land on the road to awesome isLearning—iswhatNewYorkUniversityneurologistJosephLeDouxhastosayonthematter:“Learningallowsustotranscendourgenes.”7Inotherwords,thelandofLearningcankeepyouyoungerthanyourgenessayyouare.Science aside, it’s easy to look at the end of someone’s life and see howimportantitistokeepingwalkingdowntheroadtoawesome.IthinkofmyfriendBrent’sgrandfather.HewasadecoratedWorldWarIIvetwhowentontobeanAll-Americancollegefootballplayerwhowaselectedtothe College Football Hall of Fame. He then had an incredibly successful andwidely respectedmedical practice in SanDiego for forty-four years.After hewasforcedtogiveuphispracticebecausehewasjust“gettingtooold”at77,heimmediately started to decline.Within two years, hewas dead.When I askedBrentaboutit,hesaidsimply,“Ithinkhediedbecausehecouldn’tfindthenextthingtostart.”

That’swhymygrandmother takesTaiChi.Shemaybe85 inbirthyears,butshe’s22inTaiChiyears.She’sbrand-newonthatparticularroadtoawesome.Sheknowsthatultimatelytheroadisacircle,notastraightline.WillshemasterTaiChi?Will she one day guide in it? I don’t know, but I didn’t know she’dspend ourChristmas phone call askingme about a reader frommy blogwhocommentsaloteither.HisnameisMichael,andshewasalittleworriedabouthim.Turnsoutshe’s22inbloggingtoo.I’mnotsurewhatyouneedtotakebackdowntheroadtoawesome,butIdoknowitworkswithmorethanjustyourcareerorpassion.Awesomemarriagesgo through the same five lands. No awesome marriage is ever accidental.Awesome companies go through the same five lands too. Steve Jobs was ageniusatediting,reducingtheentireAppleproductofferingtojustfourbrilliantlines.Awesome families go through the same five lands.Average families arethenorm;awesomefamiliesfollowamap.Ihopeyoupunchedfear in the face. Ihopeyouescapedaverage. Ihopeyoufiguredoutwhatyourdiamondsareandstarteddoingworkthatmatters.Ihopeyourealizedthedoortopurposehasbeenunlockedthiswholetime.Andwhen you survey your life and find something else that could bemoreawesome, I hope you’ll do what I’m going to do once I finish writing thissentence.Startagain.

WhatNow?ActionAlwaysBeatsIntention

WHATNOW?

ACTIONALWAYSBEATSINTENTION

ANYONECANDREAM. It’s the doing that is such a hassle.Where do youstart?Whatdoyoudonext?Whatwillkeepyoufromheadingrightbacktotheroadtoaverage?This.Thiswill.Inthesepagesarepractical, tacticalstepsyoucantake.Somearesimple,likewriting down a single idea on a Post-it note; others are more detailed, liketrackingyourtimeforseventy-twohours.Buteachoneisdesignedtojump-startyour travel down the road to awesome. This is where inspiration meetsinstruction,hopemeetshardwork,dreamingmeetsdoing.Let’sgo.

PUNCHFEARINTHEFACE1. Buy a journal. You’ll keep walking in circles unless you document yourexperience.

2.Answerthequestion,“Whatdomyvoicesoffearanddoubttellme?”Everytimeyoubumpintoone,writeitdown.

3.Mockeach fearyouwritedown. If you’re afraidyou’ll loseyour job andneverbeable to findanewone ifyou launchanewprojectatwork,writethat out. Exaggerate that fear in the craziestways possible so you can seehow silly it is. “If the project fails, I’ll get fired and blacklisted from thatentire industry.All companies, in every city, in every countrywill not hireme.Iwillbeforeverunemployedandhavetogrowareallycrazybeardandcollectcats.”

4.Onceyou’redonelaughingatyourfears,makethemfacethetruth.Nexttoeachone,writewhatistrue(e.g.,“EveryonewilllaughatmeifItrythisnewdream.” Truth = “My friends won’t laugh. My sister won’t laugh. I justprovedthat‘everyone’wasalie.”).(Seepages70–71formoreexamplesofhowIdothis.)

5.Lookforpatternsinyourvoices.Fearalwayslikestopretendit’sbrand-neweachtime.It’snot.Chancesareyou’llbeabletoidentifyfourorfiveprimaryfearsattherootofeveryvoice.

6.Fearmasqueradesasnewbecauseitwantsyoutowasteenergylookingforanewwaytofightit.Nowthatweknowwe’veseenitbefore,wecanlookforasuccessfultoolwe’veusedinthepasttocombatit.What’ssomethingthathasworkedforyoubeforethatcouldworkforyoutoday?

7. Identify a “mirror friend,” someone who will reflect the truth of yourexperiencebacktoyou.Thisisafriendwhowilllistenandthenhelpyouseethesituationyou’reinforwhatitreallyis.

8.Share thevoicesoffearanddoubtyourunintowithyourmirrorfriendorsomeoneelseyoutrust.

9. Think you’re the only one who hears a certain voice of fear? Visitnomorevoices.comandseethatyou’renotalone.Findyourvoiceandshareitwithacommunityofpeoplewhoareontheroadtoawesomejustlikeyou.

10.Fearisschizophrenic—italwaystriestoarguebothsidesofthecoin.Itwilltellyouthatyoucan’tchaseyourdreamorthatifyoudo,itmustbeperfect.Knock its legs out bywriting down the opposite things it is saying to youright now (e.g., “It’s too late to chase your dream” and “You should chaseyourdreamlater”).

ESCAPEAVERAGE1. If we’re going to escape average, we need to know where we feel likeaveragehascreptintoourlives.Doan“averageaudit.”Surveythesevenkeyareasofyourlife:physical,spiritual,financial,family,social,intellectual,andcareer.Writedownwhichonesfeelaverage.(We’llneedthislistwhenwegetdowntostep6inthissection.)

2.Bebrutallyrealisticaboutyourpresentcircumstances.Listoutyourcurrentdebts (e.g., student loans,mortgage, credit card, etc.).Listoutyour currentroles(e.g.,father,husband,coach,etc.).Listoutyourcurrentassetsthatmaycontribute to your dream (e.g., college degree, blog, network of friends,expertiseinfield,etc.).Thegoalofthisistopainttheclearest,mosthonestpictureofwhereyouarerightnow.(Seepages35–43formorebackgroundonthisprinciple.)

3.Bewildlyunrealisticaboutyourfuturecircumstances.We’regoingtotakedozensofstepstowardourdreamintheweekstocome,butrightnow,justfreewriteeverycrazythingyou’dliketodo(e.g.,you’veneverplayedguitarbefore,but somedayyouwant toplay theRymanAuditorium inNashville,Tennessee).Everythingyouwrotedownduringstep2doesn’texist.

4.RecognizethattherewillALWAYSbetensioninyourlifebetweensteps2and3.Doregular temperaturechecks tomakesureyouhavenotpendulumswungtoofarineitherdirection.

5.Oneofthefirstthingsthathappenswhenweescapeaverageisthatwefacethe“greatwallofpurpose.”Whichofthefivepurposeliesfrompages47–49doyoustrugglewiththemost?(1.Everyonebutyouknowsexactlywhathisis; 2.You’ll only have one; 3.You should have it figured out by the timeyou’re22yearsold;4.Itchangeseverythinginstantly;5.Youhavetoknowthefinishlinesbeforeyoucrossthestartingline.)

6. Every big finish began with a small start. Looking at the results of your“averageaudit,”what’s an areawhereyouwant tomakea small start?Wetendtosee thewholemountainfirst,not thefirststep.Writedowna listoffirst stepsyoucould take (e.g., loseonepound,updateone sectionofyourresume,askonepersononadate,etc.).

7.Write“Somebeatsnone”onaPost-itnoteandplaceitonyouralarmclock,computer,or fridge.When fear tellsyou that if youdon’thave time to runfivemilestoday,thenyoushouldn’tbotherrunningtwo,reminditthat“somebeatsnone.”

8.Askone successful person inyour life if at the start of their journey they

knew exactly where they’d be standing today. If they say, “No, of coursenot,” hug them andwalk away encouraged. If they say, “Yes, of course! Ipredictedthisyearsago!”keeplookingforsomeonehonest.

9.Standingontheshouldersofagiant isoneof thewaysyoucanaccelerateyourjourneydowntheroadtoawesome.Whoinyourliferightnowmaybea giant? Someone who has already traveled the same path you’re on andcouldsharesomeadvicewithyou?

10.Writeonegiantinyourlifeathank-younotetoday.Nothingkillsthetoxinofegolikegratefulness,andwe’veallbeenhelpedbyatleastonepersoninourlives.

11.BeforewejumpintothelandofLearning,makesureyourfeetareontheground.Have you climbed the rungs of an entitlement ladder anywhere inyour life? If you asked friends if youwere on an entitlement ladder,whatwouldtheysay?

THELANDOFLEARNING1.Doaseventy-two-houraudit,writingdownthethirty-minutechunksoftimeyou spend over a three-day period (twowork days and oneweekend day).Example: Monday, thirty-minute commute, eight hours of work, one hourlunchbreak,etc.(Ifyouhavethepatiencetodoaweeklongaudit,that’sevenbetter.)

2. Review the result of your audit and find your “5 a.m.,” which is thirtyminutesyoucanrescuetoworkonyourdreameachweek.

3.Immediatelyrealizetherearemorethanthirtyminutesavailable.Rescueasmuchtimeasyouwant.

4.Createaclearpictureofwhyyou’regettingupearlyor stayingup late toworkonyourdream.Forexample,Ihategettingupearly.ButItendtogotobedearlier if I remember that itmeans Iget towritemore in themorning,whichIlovedoing.Behyper-clearabouttherewardthatisbehindthework.Writeinyourjournal,“I’mbeingselfishat5a.m.because________.”

5.Writea listof all the thingsyouwon’tgetdonenow thatyou’re focusingmoreonthingsthatmatter(e.g.,“Itwilltakemeforty-eighthourstorespondto emails instead of twenty-four hours because I’m going to work on mybusinessplaninsteadofobsessivelycheckingemail.”).Don’tfeelashamedorguiltyaboutwhatballsyoumaydrop.Dropthemonpurpose.

6.Crashyourplane.Answerthequestion,“IfIdiedtoday,whatwouldIregretnot being able to do?”Write downone to five answers. If youhavemore,that’sfine;youmayjustneedtospendmoretimeinEditing(page86).

7.Takeyourlistfromstep6andhonestlyaskyourself,“ArethosethethingsI’mspending timedoing rightnow?” If theanswer isyes, awesome. If theanswerisno,askyourself,“Whynot?”What’skeepingyoufromdoingthosethings?

8.Answerthequestion,“Whatcan’tIstopdoing?”(pages91–92)9.Beastudentofyou.Thinkbacktothemostsuccessfulproject,idea,diet,orgoalyouevercompleted.Whatdidyoulearnaboutthewayyouworkbestinthat situation that can be applied to this one? Example: Iwas able to loseweightwhenIhadateamofpeoplecheeringmeon.IfI’mgoingtoworkonbeingawesomeat________, Ineed toput togethera teamofsupporters inordertosucceed(page92).

10.Takewhatyoulearnfromstep9andapplyittoeverytacticIsharegoingforward. Ifyouworkbestwith lowdetails,go lower than I suggest. Ifyouwork best with high details, go more detailed in the actions I suggest.

Customizethissectionofthebooktoyourstrengths.11. Identify one small, nonfatal experiment you can do thisweekwith yourdream(page100).Startingablogisanexampleofagoodone.Mestartinganadagencywithanearstrangerisabadexamplebecauseitprovedtobefataltoourfriendship.

12. Give yourself copious amounts of grace for the moments you willinevitably stumble back onto the road to average without realizing it.Perfectionwill tellyounobodyelsedoes that.That’sa lie.Perfect isn’t thegoalorevenpossible.Awesomeis,andevenawesomemakesmistakesalongtheway.

THELANDOFEDITING1.Askthisquestionfirst:“Whatgivesmethemostjoy?”Don’task,“WhatamIgoodat rightnow?”or“Whatwillmakeme themostmoney?”or“Whatwillcausetheleastinconvenienceinmylife?”

2.Whatdreamforyouwouldactuallybeaparkbench?WhatdreamisyourversionofFrisbeegolf(pages110–11)?Forinstance,Iwrotetechnicalcopyforcompaniesforyears,butthatwasaparkbenchforme.Itwasgoodwork,andIgotpaidwell,butitwasn’tsomethingthatfitwhatIfeltcalledtodo.

3. Finish this sentence: “Thiswould neverwork, but I’ve alwayswanted to____________.”

4.Findananti-mentor—someoneyouneverwanttoenduplike.Writedownwhat it isabout their life thatyoufearwillbecometrueofyours.Withthatanswer, what are some obvious steps you can take to ensure that doesn’thappen?(Sidenote:Nevertellsomeonetheyareyouranti-mentor.Forsomecrazyreason,peopledon’tlikethat.)

5.Write a list of yourdiamonds (e.g., family, friendships,work, etc.) (pages121–22).

6.Nowwritealistofyourrocks(e.g.,havingzeroemailsinmyinbox,takingcareofmyyard,keepingupwiththeJoneses,etc.).

7.Writedownthatsamelist,only this timeuse the timeaudityoudid in thelandofLearningasyourguide.Arethereanybigdiscrepanciesbetweenwhatyouthinkyourdiamondsareandwhatyourcalendarreallysaystheyare?Ifso,whatdoyouwanttodoaboutthem?

8. Have you ever chased someone else’s diamonds? Have you ever chasedsomeoneelse’sdreambecauseyouwereafraidtochaseyourown?Makesurethedreamyou’reediting isyourownandnotyourmom’s,yourdad’s,orateacher’syouhadwhosaid,“You’dbegoodat__________.”

9.Gointotheobservatorytowerandwritea“wildsuccessparagraph”foreachdiamondyouidentifiedinsteps5and7.Ifyouwerewildlysuccessfulwitheach idea, which one would generate the most joy in your life (andsubsequentlyotherpeople’slives)?

10.Answerthe“mountainclimberquestions.”What’ssomethingyou’dstilldoeven if noone ever clapped?What’s somethingyou’d still do if younevermadeadollar?What’ssomethingyou’dstilldoifyouneverearnedasecondinthespotlight(pages131–33)?

11.Createyourownseesaw.Ifyouhadtopicktwopassionsandputthemoneithersideofaseesaw,whichonewouldyouwanttowin(pages130–31)?

12.Builda“later list” tostoreall thegood ideasyoumightexplore thenexttimeyouedityourlife.

13.Writeaparagraphdescribingwhoyour“secretself”reallyis(pages133–34).

THELANDOFMASTERING1.Admityoufeelliketheonlyonewhoreadthisbookandwasn’tabletofindjustone thing theywant tomaster.Realize that’snot trueandproceedwiththetacticsanyway.

2.Figureoutifthere’sawaytovolunteersomewhereinordertogetbetteratwhat you’re passionate about. If the answer is yes, decide if you have thetimetodothat.

3.Decideifthereisapart-timejobyoucouldtaketomoveyoudowntheroadtoawesome.Don’tbesoquicktodismissthisoneifyourgoalisn’tcareer-related.Ifyourgoalistoloseweightandthere’sapart-timejobthatwouldforceyoutobephysicallyactive,itmaybeagoodfit.

4.Surveyyourlifeanddecideifthere’severbeensomethingyouexperiencedthatmadeyouthink,Icoulddothatbetter.Wasthatthestartofadreamthatneedstobeexplored,likethetaxidriveronpages141–42,orjustafleetingobservation?

5. Find and attend one event centered aroundwhatever it is you’re trying tomaster.

6.Seta“rep”goalforthemonth.Writedowneveryrepyoudoandwhatyoulearnedfromtheexperience(page146).

7.Createalistofpeoplewhoaredoingwhatyou’dliketodo.Researchonetothreethingsfromeachofthesepeoplethatyoucanincorporateintoyourownroadtoawesome.

8.Scribbledown“Whosaidit?”and“Whydidtheysayit?”onaPost-itnote.Stick that note to your computer for the next time someone criticizes yourdream.

9.Beatcritic’smathbyreversingthenumbers.Takethenegativefeedbackyoureceived and divide it by all the positive feedback. For example, threeAmazon one-star reviews of my last book divided by the total number ofbooks I soldmeans 0.004 percent of people hated it. Ifmy daughter got a99.996onatest,Iwouldn’tworryaboutthat0.004percentshemissed.Findyourrealnumberandwriteitdown.Thenlaughathowsillyitistolet0.004percentofpeoplecontrolyourday.

10.Startapreemptivethank-youlist.BythetimeyouhitHarvesting,youmaythinkyouaccomplishedallofthisonyourown.Youdidn’t.Createalistofthepeopleyouneedtothankwhenyouaresuccessful.

11.Start lookingfora fellowtraveler,someonewho ishustlingon theirowndream. Mirror friends are critical, but a fellow traveler will have trench

wisdomandadvicethatamirrorfriendmightnothave.12.Sacrificeisanaccelerant.Createalistofthingsyouarewillingtosacrificeinthepursuitofawesome.Later,whenyou’remadthatyoudidn’tgettogosomewhereordosomethingbecauseyouwerefocusedonthelong-termwin,reviewthislistandrememberwhy.

13.Create a fullboxof ammo forwhyyouwon’tgiveupbeforeyouget toawesome.Somedays, “working somykidshaveabrighter future”will beenough.Otherdays,“friendswhoholdmeaccountable”willbeenough. Inthemomentswhen itgetshard tokeepgoing,you’llbegladyouhave101reasonstonotquit.

14.IdentifyalittlebitofCentralParkinyourlife(page157).15.Writedownthreeofyourexpectationsfortheroadahead.Forexample,“Iexpect to have a new job in the next sixmonths at a company in Austin,Texas.” Detail them as specifically as possible to make sure you’re notharboringany“secret”expectations(pages158–61).

THELANDOFHARVESTING1.Noonegivesupwhentheycanseethefinishline.Ifyourharvestfeelsfaraway,createaseriesofsmallfinishlinessothateachdayorweekcanhaveabitofharvesthiddeninit.Example:Writingabooktakesforever,soImadechapterfinishlinesandsometimesevendailywordcountfinishlinestokeepmegoing.

2.Askyourmirrorfriendorfellowtravelersiftheyfeellikeyou’vetakenanyexits or climbed any entitlement ladders along the road to awesome (pages170–73).

3.Don’tbeajerk.Repeatasnecessary.4.Thatlastonewaseasy,right?Probablytookyoutenseconds.Totakeitevenfurther,asksomeonewholovesyouenoughto tellyousomethingyoumaynotliketohear,“AmIbeingajerkthesedays?”

5.Makea listof the“actionpayments”you’repaying towardyourdream.Ifthe list is small, don’t complainwhen the harvest is too. If that’s not okaywithyou,makemorepayments(pages174–75).

6.Buildabragtable(pages184–85).7. If the harvest doesn’t feel as big as you wish it were, give yourself the“10,000hours test,”usingEricsson’sprincipleofhow longexpertise takes.Addupallthehoursyou’veworkedonyourdream.Ifit’slessthan10,000,don’tworryaboutthesizeofyourharvest.You’vegotsomemoremasteringto do. If it’s greater than 10,000 and the harvest is still small, be patient.Weedsgrowquickly;thebestcropstakelonger.

8.MakealistofthethingsthatgotyoutoHarvestingthatyounolongerneedto do and those that you must continue. Example: To grow my blogcommunity,Iinitiallyusedtocommentondozensofblogs.AsitgrewandIhadmyown traffic, Ihad to stopcommentingonotherblogs somuchandinsteadfocusonwritingmyblogmore.

9.Checktomakesure“self-sabotage”hasnotreareditsuglyhead.Arethereanysituationsrightnowwhereyou’redrillingholesinyourownship?Iftheanswerisyes,callitwhatitis—“fearofsuccess”—andpunchitintheface.

10.Reviewyour diamond and rock list tomake sure any unwanted changeshavenothappenedtoyourprioritiesalongtheway.

THELANDOFGUIDING1. Make sure the stuff you acquired in the land of Harvesting (money,accolades, fame, success, etc.) aremerelyconsequencesofbeingawesome,notyourreasontobe.Greatthingsmutateintogreatexitsifwe’renotcareful.

2.Whenisthelasttimeyoufailed?Haveyoubeencarryingitaroundtoolong?Orareyoucoastingbasedona successyouexperienced? If so, avoidbothexitsbacktoaveragebylaunchinganothersmallexperimentforyourdream(pages209–10).

3.Usingthe“studentofyou”technique,writedownthreeofthebestwaysyoucould guide someone else. Example: I’m great at one-on-one interactions;I’mbestatspeakingtogroupsoftenorless,etc.

4.Writealistofthreepeopleyoucouldguideinyourliferightnow.5.Listthreesuccessesyoucouldsharewithsomeone.6.Listthreefailuresyoucouldsharewithsomeone.7. Pick one day a week that you will set aside time to deliberately guidesomeoneelse.Example:EveryFridaymorningyougoouttobreakfastwithsomeonewhoneedssomeadviceorencouragement.Itwon’thappenunlessyou’reintentional.

8.Create a list of people you’re okaywith disappointing as you spend timebeingdeliberatewithhowyouguide(pages212–14).

9. Identify a new part of your life to take back down the road to awesome.Reviewthe“laterlist”fromthelandofEditing,ifyoucreatedone.

10. Review the journal you’ve been keeping. Or blog or whatever form ofrecordworkedbest forhowyou trackedprogress. Ifyou’regoing tomarchdowntheroadagain,ithelpstoknowwherethedragonsandpotholesaresoyoucanavoidthemonthesecondtrip.

11.Startagain.

AppendixA:10WaystoAccelerateAwesomeWithSocialMedia

APPENDIXA

10WAYSTOACCELERATEAWESOMEWITHSOCIALMEDIA

I WISH I COULD PUT A SIGN IN MY YARD that says, “I know aboutGoogle.”Thatway,whoeverkeepsdeliveringforty-two-poundyellowpagestomyhousecould skipourdriveway.Every timewegetone itgoes right to therecyclingbinbecausebythetimeit’sprinted,it’soutofdate.Booksaboutsocialmediausuallysufferfromthesameproblem.Thewhole industry ismovingsoquicklyrightnowthatbythetimetheinkdriesonyoursentencetellingpeopleto “build a presence on MySpace,” Facebook has murdered it. (One notableexceptiontothisproblemisMichaelHyatt’sbookPlatform.)So rather than tips about specific technologies that will be out-of-datetomorrow,herearethetenprinciplesIusedtobuildmytribeandacceleratemyawesome. These are the principles that dominated the first decade of socialmediaandwillcontinuetoplayacriticalroleinthenext100years.

1. Understand why you’re using social media in the firstplace.

In thegreatbookStartwithWhy,SimonSinekencourages readers toaskwhybefore they start anynewendeavor.That logiccertainlyholds truewith socialmedia. Most businesses and individuals jump online, sign up for thirty-twodifferentplatforms,andneverstoptoaskthatquestion.“WhyamIusingsocialmedia?”Isitafunwaytokeepupwithrelatives?Areyoutryingtoconnectwithpotential customers? Are you trying to service existing customers? Are youtrying to build a platform thatwillmakeyour next job intervieweven easier?Theanswerstothatquestionareendless,buttheonethatmattersmostforyouisyours.What’s your goal with socialmedia?Mine is to help jumpstart peoplewhofeelstuck.“Jumpstart”meansI’mgreatattheinitialcreativemomentthathelpssomeonegetunstuckbutnotgreatatthetwenty-yearfollow-upplan.SoItendtosticktoonlinetoolsthatoffershortburstsofinformation.LikeTwitter.Ontheflipside,IfailedatablogconceptIcameupwithcalled“#FinishYear”

becausewritingabout the sameexact subject for anentireyear isn’twhat I’mgreatat.Getyoursocialmediagoalroughlyshaped,andthenyoucanreallystarttoapplytherestoftheprinciples.

2.Pickyourplaces.The most overwhelming part of social media is that by the time you finishreadingthissentencesomenewtechnologywillbepopular.You’llputthisbookdown, and your hipster friend will say, “You’re not on double upside-downorange2.9?YoustilluseFacebook?Ugh,nooneusesthat.”Weallhave“profileexhaustion,”thesenseoftirednesswefeelwhensomeonesendsusaninvitationtoyetanothersocialmediaplatformweshouldhaveapresenceon.Let’sputthatconcerntobedrightnow—youdon’thavetobeeverywhereatonceonline.Youjusthavetopickyourplaces.Dependingonyourgoals,pickonetothreeplacesyouwanttobeinvolved.Ifyou’reabusiness,gowhereyourcustomersalreadyare. If you’re an individual, go where your passion is. Don’t buy the “all ornothing” myth of social media. Pick your places carefully. (My places areTwitter,myblogjonacuff.com,andPinterest.IdonexttonothingrightnowonFacebook.)

3.Playtoyourstrengths.Make social media play to your strengths, not the other way around. Forinstance,Iamahorriblephotographer.Iwillnevermakeitontothepopularpageof Instagram with the quality of my photography. I’m a writer. That’s mystrength.Soratherthanwastetimetryingtobecomeanamazingphotographer,Idosomethingcompletelydifferent.Iwritesimple,spreadablethoughtsonPost-itnotes.ThenItakeaphotoofthatnoteandpostitonInstagram.Thosephotosgetmore“likes”thananyotherphotosIdo.Why?BecauseI’mawriterwhofoundaway to “write” on a photo-based platform.Don’t think you have to developsome completely different talent to dominate socialmedia.Make the platformobeythestrengthyoualreadyhave.

4. Focuson your content strategybefore your promotionstrategy.

Imagineyouownedastore.Youwerehavingagrandopening.Youspenthoursand hours promoting your big day. You spent thousands of dollars invitingpeopletotheribboncutting,doingeverythingyoucouldtodrivetraffictoyourlocation.Thedayarrived, theparkinglotwasslammedfullofpeople, itwasa

wildsuccess...andthenyouopenedthedoors.Andalltheshelveswereempty.Intheexcitementofpromotingyourstore,youforgottostockit.You’vegotanimmaculatelayout.Thedesignisunbelievable...butitdoesn’tmatter.Peoplewereexpectingproducts.Andassoonastheytookalookbehindthecurtain,sotospeak,andrealizedthestorewasempty,theyleftandnevercameback.That’swhatcontentisintheworldofsocialmedia.Content=products.Even ifyouneverwant tosellasingle thingviasocialmedia, ifyouwant tobuild a community, you have to have a foundation to build it on. And thatfoundationisthecontent.If you start with the promotion, the building will be well known and wellignored.Ifyoustartwiththedesign,thebuildingwillbebeautifulandempty.Ifyou start with the community, the building will be temporarily crowded buteventuallyabandoned.Contentisking.Contentiscurrency.Content is critical. In the old-school, “Who?What? When?Where? Why?”modelof journalism,content is the“What?”Whatblogswillyouwrite?Whatvideoswillyoushare?Whatwillyoucreate?

5.Behonest.Oneofthechallengeswithsocialmediaisthatit’shardtostandout.IGoogledthe phrase “mom blog,” and there were 341 million results. Every month,millions of people join Facebook and Twitter. YouTube has 92 billion pageviewspermonth.Howdoyoupossiblystandoutinthemiddleofthatclutter?Theanswermostcommonlygivenis“talent.”Youhave tohave themost talentor thebest talentor thegreatest talent.Andthirtyyearsago,maybethatwastrue.Butinthelasttwentyyears,honestyhasbecomeasimportantastalent.Why?Well, thanks to the Internet and globalization, we now have more access tomore talent thanwe’veeverhad in thehistoryofmankind.Thinkabout it.Doyou knowwhere that band you found online was playing their music twentyyears ago? In their garage—you didn’t know they existed. Twenty years ago,that directorwhomakes funny clips forYoutube or Funny orDie, you knowwherehewasshowinghismovies?Inhislivingroom.Youdidn’thaveaccesstohiswork.Doyouknowwhereyourfavoriteblogwriterwaswritingherthoughtstwentyyearsago?Inherdiary.Onhernightstand.Shewasstillwritingamazingstuff,butyoucouldn’treadit.In the last twentyyears,we’veallgainedmoreaccess tomore talent thanwe

can possibly fathom. (Granted, there’s a lot of nonsense too.) But what’shappenedisthatthetalentpoolisreallyfullrightnow.It’scrowded.There’snotawholelotofroomtosplasharoundinthatone.Thehonestypool?That’s a completely different story. You can do the backstroke in that one.You’vegotalltheroomintheworld.Noonewouldsaythatinthelasttwentyyearswe’vebecomemorehonestasaculture.(ShowslikeTMZhaveexposedmoredirtylaundry,butbeingcaughtisnotthesamethingasbeinghonest.)So if youwant to standout online, if you reallywant tomake a splashwithsocialmedia,behonest.Thisisn’tnewinformation.Thebestmarketersintheworldalreadyknowthisandareracingtohonestyasfastastheycan.TakeNike,forinstance.In the ’90s, companies like Nike and Gatorade used to tell you to “be likeMike.” The advertising was over-the-top, practically promising that if youbought theAir Jordan, you’d probably be able to dunk the next day.Andwebelievedit.Webelievedittosuchastrongdegreethatkidsstartedshootingeachotherforthesneakers.Doyouknowwhat theheadline fora recentNikecampaignwas?“Thisshoeworksifyoudo.”Wait, what?Where’s the bravado?Where’s the promise?Where’s the hype?That’sa180-degreechangefromtheads theyused to run.But theyknowthatthisgenerationhasthesharpestmarketingradarever.Theywanthonesty.That’swhat’sgoingtostandout,andNikeknowsthat.Be honest online. That was the biggest reason my first blog grew. I talkedhonestly about someof the ridiculous thingswedid in the nameof faith, andpeoplehadn’tseenmuchofthatonlinebefore.Socialmediaiseitheramegaphoneoramask.Itwillamplifywhatyou’reallaboutorhidewhatyou’reallabout.Behonestandamplify.

6.Don’tthinkofsocialmediaasasilverbullet.When the readers of my blog built those two kindergartens in Vietnam, theAtlantaJournal-Constitution wrote an article about the first kindergarten. Theheadlinewas “Blogger raises $30,000 in 18 hours.” Technically, that headlinewastrue,butitshouldhaveread,“Bloggerraises$30,000in18months.”That’s how long it really took to raise the money. For eighteen months, Iconsistentlywrote Stuff Christians Like. I poured amillionwords of the bestideasIcouldthinkofintotheconversationwithreaders.Dayafterday,postafterpost, with consistency, I jumped into the discussion happening on Stuff

ChristiansLike.Ididn’tshowuponedayoutoftheblueandsay,“Hi,mynameisJon.You’veneverheardofme.Givememoneyforakindergarten,”butsometimeswethinkthat’s how socialmediaworks.Wewatch certain ideas go viral and think ourbusiness,cause,orblogshouldgoviraltoo.Wewantsocialmediatobeasilverbullet.Here’sthetruth:Socialmediaisn’tasilverbullet.It’samillionfreebullets.Ifyoutrysomethingforamonthandgiveup,youwon’tchangetheworld.Ifyouwriteablog forninetydaysandquit,youwon’tchange theworld. IfyoufoolaroundwithTwitterforaweekandthenstop,youwon’tchangetheworld.Ittakestime.Ittakesgrind.Andittakesacommitmenttoconsistency.

7.Don’treinventthewheel.Whenwediscussedourplans tobuildamicrosite for thisbook,doyouknowwhat the first question we asked was? “How did Michael Hyatt design hismicrosite?”Whydidweaskthat?Becausehe’sagenius,andyoushouldneverreinventthewheelinsocialmedia.Weknewthatheandotherauthorshadverydeliberatelycraftedtheirmicrosites.Wecouldstudytheirs,addourownuniqueaspects, and skipweeks of needless guessing. If you’ve got the answer to thefirstquestion—whyyou’reusingsocialmedia—andyouunderstandwhatyourcontentis,startresearching.Findothersocialmediagiantsinyourspherewhoarealreadydoingbrilliantwork,andthenbuildonit.

8.Onceyouknowwhatyou’reallabout,makesureothersdotoo.

A few months ago I had dinner with a friend of mine. He’s a social mediaconsultant.Hegetspaid thousandsand thousandsofdollars tohelpcompanieswith their social media strategies. During the middle of the meal, he leanedforward and confessed something quietly, “I know I’m supposed to be usingGooglePlus,butIjustdon’tknowwhatI’msupposedtobedoing.”Andassillyasthatmaysound,Ifeelthesameway.I’mprettysure it’sawesome.Imean, it’sGoogle,afterall!Whodoesn’t loveGoogle? But whenever I check in or log in or whatever verb you use wheninteractingwithPlus,Idon’treallyknowwhatI’msupposedtodo.I’mpositive theremustbe somestreamofconversationgoingon somewherewithintheplatform.Theremustbesomereasonit’sawesome,butIcan’tfindit.So, after a fewminutesofpokingaround, I return to theplatforms Idoknow

howtouse,TwitterandPinterest.Anditturnsout,sodoalotofotherpeople.TheWallStreetJournalreported,“visitors using personal computers spent an average of about threeminutes amonth on Google Plus between September and January, versus six to sevenhours onFacebook eachmonthover the sameperiod, according to comScore,whichdidn’thavedataonmobileusage.”1Will Google Plus bounce back? Maybe. That team is brilliant, but if theybouncebackbythetimethisbookcomesout,itwillbebecausetheyfixedonething:clarity.Clarityisthewayyoucarveoutsomespaceintheclutteredsocialmediaworld.It’s howyou tell readers and followers and fans and customers, “This iswhatI’mallabout.”It’syourideastrippeddowntoitsbareessentials,sothatthemostdistractedgeneration in thehistoryofmankindcan instantlyunderstandwhereyoufitinthesocialmedialandscape.Thisone takes time.Noblogendsupayear laterbeingexactly thewayyouplannedit.Nosocialmediacampaigndoesexactlywhatyouexpecteditwould.The onlyway you develop your voice is by using your voice.And often youhavetousethatvoiceforsixmonthstoayearuntilyou’vegotclarity.Whatdoesthislooklikeforanindividuallikeyou?AllowmetosharethefirstthirtywordsyouseeatthetopoftheblogPocket-SizedStories:“Whenyouteachkindergarten,thethingsthatyoubringhomeinyourpockets everyday tell thatday’s story.Everyday, I’ll emptymypocketsandtellmystory.”2Thatisperfect.Whoiswritingthisblog?Akindergartenteacher.Whatisitabout?Thethingshehasinhispocketsattheendoftheday.Whyisthatinteresting?Becausethosethingstellastory.Inlessthanthirtywords,theauthorofthebloggivesanincrediblycompellingreasontoreadhisblog.Isthatimportanttoday?Yes.Anditwillbeevenmoreimportanttomorrowbecause,everyday,100,000newblogs are started.Clarity is a greatway to differentiate yourself from themasses.Although it’s harder to explain your blogwhen it hasmultiple topics(leadership,parenting,writing,etc.),itstillneedstobedone.Canyousummarizeyourapproachtosocialmediainthirtywordsorless?

9.Recognizetheridiculouspowerofcontext.Context changes everything, and I learned that in amaternityward inBoston

almostnineyearsago.Mywifehadgivenbirthtoourfirstdaughter,L.E.,inBrighamandWomen’s,ahospitalrightnearFenwayPark.AsIwasreturningtotheroomwithicechips(the only real value I was able to provide in those first twenty-four hours), Inoticed something out the window. I walked over to the edge of the waitingroomandcouldn’tbelievewhatIsaw.Eight stories down fromwhere I was standing was a billboard for a Toyotaminivan.What surprisedmeabout itwashow itwaspositioned.Youcouldn’tseeitfromthestreet.IfyouweredrivingthroughBoston,youcouldn’treadthebillboard or really even tell what it was for. The angle from the street washorrible, but some advertising genius didn’t care about the street. They caredaboutthewaitingroomIwasinrightthatsecond.The billboard was tilted perfectly to grab my attention. The billboard wasaimedrightatthatwindow,awindowwherenewdadsandnewmomsandnewgrandparentsweresitting.Peoplewhosuddenlyhadadeepneedforaminivan.Peoplewhohadenteredanewseasonoflifeandweresuddenlyveryinterestedinavehicletheymayhaveignoredbeforetheyenteredthehospital.That iswhatcontextdoes. It takesan ideaandplaces it in theexactmomentyouneedit.Andit’ssopowerfulthatitcaneventurnanadintocontent.Forinstance,whenIworkedatAutoTrader.com,afantasticcompany,ourmostpopularpagewasoursearchfeature.Whensomeonewouldsearchforacar,wewould show theman ad. If youwere looking for a usedHondaCivic andweshowedyouapromotionforahomemortgage,thatwasanad.Thatwasoutofcontext.If,however,youwerelookingforanewcarbecauseyouweremovingtoanewhouseandweregoingtohavealongercommute,thatsamepromotionwouldnolongerbeanad.Itwouldbecontent,somethinghelpfulweprovidedyouatthemomentyouneededit.Tojumpbacktoourstoremetaphor,context iswhatyouputbytheregisters.Targetdoesn’tstocktelevisionsbytheregisterbecausethey’dbeoutofcontext.Noonewhilecheckingouthaseversaid,“Oh,good, Imeant topickupa42-inchtelevision,and there’sonerighthereby theregister!”Instead,Targetputssmallitemsthere:batteries,ChapStick,thingsyouforgottogetinthestorebutarelikelytobuyatthelastminute.Theyputtheirproducts(content)intherightplace(context).Wherewillyoushareyourcontent?Wherearepeoplelookingforyourcontent?

Aretheyinaseasonoflifeinwhichyourcontentwouldhelpthem?

10.Startslowandsmall.The guy who created Pocket-Sized Stories isn’t writing anymore, which is ashame, because his sitewas great.What happened? I’m not sure, but hemayhavefallenprey to theproblemthatwrecksa lotofpeopleonline.Production.The hardest part of socialmedia is keeping the content going. Lots of peoplestartwithgoalsthataretooambitious.Theysay,“I’llblogeveryday!”Thenbyweek three, after twenty-one posts, they’re exhausted and give up. Pace yoursocialmediatherightwaybystartingslow.Ifyoublog,committotwopostsaweek for threemonths.That’s only twenty-four posts in ninetydays,which isverydoable.Andit’salwaysbettertoaddcontentforyourreadersthanit istotakeitaway.Readerslovewhenyousay,“I’vebeenbloggingtwodaysaweek,buthaveloveddoingit,soI’mgoingtoincreaseittothreedaysaweek.”Theygetfrustratedwhenyousay,“I’vebeenbloggingsixdaysaweekbutcan’tdoitanymoreandhavetocutbacktotwodaysaweek.”Don’tsetouttoconquertheworldonetweetatatimeonlytoquitondaythreewhenyourealizeit’sareallybigworld.

AppendixB:10ThingstoDoIfYou’reUnemployed

APPENDIXB

10THINGSTODOIFYOU’REUNEMPLOYED

ILOSTMYJOBaboutanhourafterIgotmarried.This isanexaggeration,but itdoes reflectwhatmy in-lawsprobably thoughtaboutthewholesituation.Imoved theirGeorgiandaughter toBostonformy jobafterourweddingandthenpromptlylostit.Thosewerenotfunmonths.Andalotofpeopleareinthesameplacerightnow.Whetheryoulostyourjoborgraduatedfromcollege intoaneconomythatdoesn’t feel friendly, therearetenthingsyouneedtodorightnow.

1.Remindyourselfwhatyoulost.Youdidn’tloseyouridentity;youlostyourjob.Fearanddoubtalwaystrytoflipthat around, tomake you think you lostwho you arewhen you lost a job ordidn’tgetonerightoutofcollege.Nonsense.Youdidn’tloseyouridentity;youlostajobtitle.Youlostaseatinabuilding.Youcanstillbeagreatdad,agreatwife,agreatfriend,andamillionotherpeoplerightnow.Don’tlistentofearanddoubtinthismoment.

2.Behonestaboutthecalendar.Thesecondliefearwilltellyouinthismomentisthatthisisforever.It’snotaweekoramonthorevenayearyou’llbeoutofwork;thisistherestofyourlife.Youwill never find another job again.Nobody hires 50-year-olds or 20-year-olds. Youwill be unemployed for the next three decades. Not true. This is aseason, and though it always feels longer than we want, it will come to aconclusion.Ipromise.

3.Flipthenumbers.Ihonestlybelieve this is thebest timein thehistoryofmankind tofindanewjob.Twentyyearsagoyoucouldn’tgoonlineandresearchentireindustriesina

matterofminutes.Youcouldn’tapplyto100jobsinasingledayorfindquick-hit freelance gigs onCraigslist.Butwhen youwatch the news and follow thenationalunemploymentrate likeastockprice. itcangetdiscouraging.Sonexttimeyouheartheunemploymentnumbers,Iwantyoutoflipthem.A22-year-old college senior taughtme this. I told him I’d heard the unemployment ratewas high for college graduates. He smiled and told me, “Sure, theunemploymentrateishigh.Butevenifit’s20percent,thatjustmeansyouhavetobeinthetop80percent.Youcan’tbeaB-minus?”Flipthenumbers.

4.Thinkaboutyourcircles.Being unemployed is about properly managing three different circles:Geography, Industry, and Commitment. The longer you are unemployed, themoredeliberateyouhave tobeaboutexpanding thesecircles.Forexample, inthefirstmonthortwoyoumayjustlookforanewjobinyourcity.Duringthesecond and thirdmonths, youmay expand your search to other cities in yourstate.Ifyouexperienceprolongedunemployment,youmayneedtoexpandyoursearch tootherstates,evenother timezones.Samegoeswith the industryyousearchinandthecommitmentyouwant(full-time,part-time,orhourly).Wanttopotentiallyspeedupyourjobsearch?Expandthecirclesquickly.

5.Findingajobisyournewjob.Don’teverthinkofyourselfasjobless.Theminuteyougetlaidofforgraduatewithoutajoblinedup,yougetanewjob.It’scalled“findingajob.”Thatisyourforty-hour-a-week,full-timejob.Enlistafriendwhowillholdyouaccountableandhelpyou track the resultsofyour“work.”Comeupwith jobperformancemetrics like“resumessent,”“jobsappliedfor,”etc. Idon’thavehardnumbersonhowmanypeople actuallyput in this level of effort to find anew job, butsurveythefriendsyouknowwhoareunemployed.Chancesare,approximatelyzeroaretreatingfindinganewjobastheirjob.

6.Getastopgapjob.This is 100percent easier towrite in abook than it is to actuallydo, but thatdoesn’tmeanit’snottrue.Youmayneedtogetastopgapjob,somesortofpart-time employment that heads offmonsters like “getting the power turned off,”“havingyourcarrepo’d,”or“movingbackinwithyourparents.”Thisisanego-aside, I-never-thought-I’d-work-here-but-difficult-times-call-for-difficult-measureskindof job.For instance, theday Iwrote this sectionof thebook, I

sawabakeryhiringsomeonetobakebreadfrom11:00p.m.to7:00a.m.That’snoteasy.That’snotfun.Butthat’sagreatstopgapjob.Anddon’tforasecondbuythelie,“IfItakeonapart-timejob,Iwon’tbeabletogooutforinterviewsorlookforafull-timejob.”That’sridiculous.Whatjobinterviewareyouforcedtocancelat4:00a.m.becauseyou’remakingbread?

7.Stayinjobshape.Having a job is like running a marathon. And the first thingmost people dowhentheylosetheirsisgetasfataspossible.Westopgettingupearly.Wegiveupourschedules.Weterminateanysenseofstructureinourlivesandthenweoccasionallysprintfora jobinterview,completelyconfusedthatwedidn’tnailit.Whenyoudon’thaveajob,youhavetostayinjobshape.Thatwasoneofmywife’sfewrequirementswhenIlostmyjob.Shehadtobeupat6:30a.m.forherjob,andsodidI.SoeveryweekdaymorningIwasshoweredanddressed,readyfor the day to begin. Otherwise, I would have stayed up the night beforewatchingrerunsofSeinfeldandeatingquesoinbulk,thensleepingin.Don’tgetoutofjobshapejustbecauseyoudon’thaveajob.

8.Getpluggedintoacommunity.Aswediscussedearlierinthisbook,fearfearscommunity.Fearalwaystriestoisolateyouandputyouonanisland.Thatwillhappenwhenyouloseyourjob.Asfastasyoucan,andasmuchasitfitsthewayyouliketoengagewithpeople,trytogetpluggedintoacommunityofpeoplewhoarelookingfornewjobs.Theeconomyhascreatedthousandsofthese.Youcouldgotoacommunitycenter,achurch,yourlibrary,oronlinetofindagroupthatwillencourage,challenge,andhelpyouduringyourseasonofjobsearching.Don’tgoitalone.

9.Startablog.Or an Instagram feed or Twitter account or Facebook page or whatevertechnologyishotatthetimeyou’rereadingthisbook.Why?Becauseeveryjobseekerisgoingtotelltheinterviewer,“I’mpassionateaboutthisindustry!”Thentheinterviewerisgoingtosay,“Really,howso?”Thenthejobseekerisgoingtosay, “Ways, a lot of differentways. There are somany I can barely just pickone.”Butyou?You’regoingtosay,“Well,IhaveablogwhereIwriteabouttheindustry.I’malsopluggedintotheonlinecommunitiesofindustryexperts.YoumayliketofollowmyTwitteraccount,whereIcuratethetoparticlesaboutthisindustry.”You’vegottoolsrightnowtoimpressaninterviewerthatnooneever

hadbefore.Usethem.

10.Putresultsatthetop.Thisoneisincrediblytactical,butitworks.Atthetopofresumes,mostpeopleput“goals”or“objectives.”Theythentypeoutparagraphsthatsaythingslike,“I want to work in a people-based environment where I can usemy skills toprogress the business in innovative ways.” Goals at the top of resumes areuseless.Why?Everyonecansaytheexactsamethings.Everyoneontheplanetcanwritefluffywordsaboutwhatthey’regoingtodo.Thatdoesn’tseparateyoufromthecrowd.Onetimetheownerofoneof thebestadagencies in thecountrychewedmeoutforusingemptywordslikegoalswhenIappliedathiscompany.Hesaidthatevery candidate he interviewed told him over and over again how creative orgoal-oriented they were. He didn’t care about that. He cared about what I’dactuallyaccomplished.I rewrotemy resume thatweek. Insteadof goals or objectives, I started eachresume with a short paragraph titled “Results.” In less than 100 words, IsummarizedwhatIfeltIhadaccomplishedthatmayberelevanttoacertainjob.Andsomethingweirdhappened.RecruitersandHRdepartmentsstartedaskingmeabouttheresults.Insomecases,theybarelylookedattherestofmyresumeandwouldjustsay,“WhatwasitliketoworkatHomeDepot?”Noonehadeverasked me about any of the meaningless sentences I had put in my “goals”paragraph.Maybeitwillbeeasytowriteyouraccomplishmentsorresultsparagraph.Butevenifit’snot,Ipromisethatyou’vedonesomethinginterestingandimportantinyourcareer. Ifyouworkedata jobforayearor two,I’mjust talkingaboutcreatingoneinterestingsentencefromthatwholeexperience.Oneyearofwork,onesentence.Anyone—andIrepeat,anyone—candothat.Evenifyou’rearecentcollegegrad just joininganewindustry,you’vegotasentence or two you could put in that paragraph thatmay generate questions,interest,andmaybeevenajobinterview.You’vegotfouryearsofcollegefromwhichtopullafewsentences.Thegoodnewsisthatregardlessofwhyyoufindyourselfwithoutajob,therearesomeverytacticalthingsyoucandotoremedythat.Thegreatnewsisthatwe’reall20.Weallhavethechancetostartoverandbeawesomeagain.Justbecauseyou’reunemployeddoesn’tmeanyouhavetobeaverage.

Notes

NOTES

Chapter1

1.GlennRuffenach,“EyeinganEncoreCareer?ExpectaBumpyTransition,”Smart Money, July 2, 2012,http://www.smartmoney.com/retirement/planning/eyeing-an-encore-career-expect-a-bumpy-transition-1339526090060/.

2.BorisCerniandZacharyTracer,“AIGChiefSeesRetirementAgeasHighas 80 after Crisis,” Bloomberg, June 4, 2012,http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-06-03/aig-chief-sees-retirement-age-as-high-as-80-after-crisis.html.

3. “Pebble: E-Paper Watch for iPhone and Android,” Pebble Technology,http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/597507018/pebble-e-paper-watch-for-iphone-and-android.

Chapter2

1.AdamHorowitzandtheeditorsofBusiness2.0,TheDumbestMoments inBusiness History: Useless Products, Ruinous Deals, Clueless Bosses andOther Signs ofUnintelligent Life in theWorkplace, comps.MarkAthitakisandMarkLasswell(NewYork:Portfolio,2004),146.

2.KathrynStockett, “KathrynStockett’s ‘TheHelp’TurnedDown60TimesBefore Becoming a Best Seller,” More, May 7, 2011,http://www.more.com/kathryn-stockett-help-best-seller.

3.JimCollins,GoodtoGreat:WhySomeCompaniesMaketheLeap...andOthersDon’t(NewYork:HarperCollins,2001),85.

4. JohnMayer, “Walt Grace’s Submarine Test, January 1967,” onBorn andRaised,Columbia,2012,CD.

Chapter3

1.StephenR.Covey,“Habit2:BeginWiththeEndinMind,”The7HabitsofHighly Effective People, https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits-habit2.php.

2.MalcolmGladwell,Outliers:TheStoryofSuccess(NewYork:Little,BrownandCompany,2008),38.

3. Matthew Syed, Bounce: Mozart, Federer, Picasso, Beckham, and theScienceofSuccess(NewYork:HarperCollins,2010),57.

4. Deirdre Donahue, “Malcolm Gladwell’s ‘Success’ Defines ‘Outlier’Achievement,” USA Today, November 18, 2008,http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/life/books/news/2008-11-17-gladwell-success_N.htm.

5. Grant Oyston, “Success?” Visible Children (blog), March 9, 2012,http://visiblechildren.tumblr.com/post/18992455677/success.

6. Grant Oyston, “What was my intent?” Visible Children (blog), March 7,2012, http://visiblechildren.tumblr.com/post/18917304254/what-was-my-intent.

7.RamonaEmerson,“ComediansonTechnology:LouisC.K.,MitchHedberg,Bill Murray and Others Rant About Tech,”Huffington Post, February 20,2012, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/20/comedians-on-technology_n_1108931.html.

8.StevenPressfield,TheWarofArt:BreakThroughtheBlocksandWinYourInnerCreativeBattles(NewYork:BlackIrishEntertainmentLLC,2002),12.

Chapter4

1.CharlesDuhigg,ThePowerofHabit:WhyWeDoWhatWeDoinLifeandBusiness(NewYork:RandomHouse,2012),135–37.

2. Tony Schwartz, Jean Gomes, and Catherine McCarthy, The Way We’reWorking Isn’t Working: The Four Forgotten Needs That Energize GreatPerformance(NewYork:FreePress,2010),33–35.

3.SusieSteiner,“TopFiveRegretsoftheDying,”TheGuardian,February1,2012, http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying.

4. Josh Linkner, “The Dirty Little Secret of Overnight Successes,” FastCompany, April 2, 2012, http://www.fastcompany.com/1826976/the-dirty-little-secret-of-overnight-successes.

Chapter5

1.RobertT.Gonzalez,“Tengemstonesthatarerarerthandiamond,”io9,April16,2012,http://io9.com/5902212/ten-gemstones-that-are-rarer-than-diamond.

2. Gene Weingarten, “Pearls Before Breakfast,”Washington Post, April 8,2007, http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html.

3.Ori Brafman andRomBrafman,Sway: The Irresistible Pull of IrrationalBehavior,(NewYork:Doubleday,2008),50.

4. BillWatterson,TheCalvin andHobbes Tenth Anniversary Book, (KansasCity:UniversalPressSyndicate,1995),11.

Chapter6

1.TwylaTharpwithMarkReiter,TheCreativeHabit:LearnItandUseItforLife(NewYork:Simon&Schuster,2005),9.

2.BrianHiatt, “TheNeuroticZenofLarryDavid,”RollingStone,August4,2011,81.

3. Kevin Freiberg and Jackie Freiberg, NUTS! Southwest Airlines’ CrazyRecipe for Business and Personal Success (New York: Broadway Books,1997),269–70.

Chapter7

1. NancyHass, “LoveMe, HateMe, Just Don’t IgnoreMe,”GQ, February2012,52.

2.AndyWarhol,TheStockholmCatalog, PontusHulten,KasperKonig, andOlleGranath,eds.(Stockholm:ModernaMuseet,1968).

3. John shared this idea atNorthPointCommunityChurch.He sharesmorebrilliantideasonhisblog,www.jdubspubs.com.

4.SydneyLupkin,“CanFacebookRuinYourMarriage?”ABCNews,May24,2012, http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/facebook-relationship-status/story?id=16406245#.UClhiZi4LzI.

5. Anne B. Fisher, “Are You Afraid of Success?” Fortune, July 8, 1996,http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/1996/07/08/214330/.

6.BuckBrannaman,Buck.DirectedbyCindyMeehl(IFCFilms,2011).

Chapter8

1.DerekSivers,“Obvioustoyou.Amazingtoothers,”(YouTubevideo)April19, 2011, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GCm-u_vlaQ&feature=player_embedded.

2.JimCollins,“GoodtoGreatandtheSocialSectors:WhyBusinessThinkingIs Not the Answer” (excerpt), November 2005,http://www.jimcollins.com/books/g2g-ss.html.

3.AndyBull,“DavidRudishabreaksworldrecordtowinOlympic800mgoldfor Kenya,” Guardian, August 9, 2012,http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2012/aug/09/david-rudisha-world-record-olympic-800m?newsfeed=true.

4.MikeRosenbaum,“800MeterMen’sOlympicMedalists,”About.comTrack& Field,http://trackandfield.about.com/od/middledistance/qt/olym800men.htm.

5.AndyBull,“DavidRudishabreaksworldrecordtowinOlympic800mgoldfor Kenya,” Guardian, August 9, 2012,http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2012/aug/09/david-rudisha-world-record-olympic-800m?newsfeed=true.

6.StevenPressfield,TheWarofArt:BreakThroughtheBlocksandWinYourInner Creative Battles (New York: Black Irish Entertainment LLC, 2002),166.

7. Erick Calonius, Ten Steps Ahead: What Separates Successful BusinessVisionariesfromtheRestofUs(NewYork:Penguin,2011),194–95.

AppendixA1. Amir Efrati, “The Mounting Minuses at Google+,”Wall Street Journal,February 28, 2012,http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204653604577249341403742390.html.

2.PocketSizedStories(blog),http://pocketsizedstories.tumblr.com/.

Acknowledgments

ACKNOWLEDGMENTSFirstandforemost,God.ThankyouforbeingtheGodwhofixesproblemswithparties,whowelcomesprodigalswithopenarms.

Jenny Acuff, my ridiculously awesome wife. Without you I’d be in a guttersomewherewritingGothpoetry.Iloveyou,L.E.andMcRae.Ican’twaittoreadthebooksyouwritesomeday!MomandDad,thanksforteachingmetodream.Will, Tiffany, Bennett, Sally,Mac, Sawyer, andMollyAcuff. John and LauraCalbert,thebestin-lawsaguycouldhave.MarciandJustinSaknini.

DaveRamsey,whoisconstantlydaringmetostart.Yoursupportofthisprojecthas beennothing short of amazing.PrestonCannon for believing in this bookwhenitwasjustanideaonanapkin.JeremyBrelandforfightingforthisprojectalongsideme. JenSievertsen,KatieCrenshaw,BrianWilliams,LukeLeFevre,ErinMcAtee,DarcieClemen(whomadethisbooksomuchbetter!),NealWebb,Liz Edwards, Beth Tallent, Chris Mefford (my favorite Canadian), SteveNeSmith,JoshHolloway,LisaMays,DawnMedley(youareawesome!)andtheentireteamatDaveRamseyfortheirunbelievablehelp.

Brent Cole, best editor on the planet. Mrs. Harris, Grant Jenkins, StephenBrewster,MikeFoster,AlAndrews(whowasquotedabilliontimes!),BobGoff,Mike,Lynn,Wendy,andErinMaybury.StevenPressfield.Andallthereadersofmyblogs.Idon’tgettowritebookswithoutyourgenerosity.

Thankyou.

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