Staying In Control

Staying In ControlStaying In Control

Anger Management TrainingAnger Management Training

IntroductionIntroduction

Most of the time Most of the time we’re in control but we’re in control but occasionally we turn into MAD MAX. With occasionally we turn into MAD MAX. With practice we are able to learn to stay in control practice we are able to learn to stay in control of our temper all the time. However, learning of our temper all the time. However, learning this skill takes lots of work and practice. This this skill takes lots of work and practice. This slide show will teach you how to control slide show will teach you how to control yourself and avoid being MAD MAX. You’ll yourself and avoid being MAD MAX. You’ll learn to recognise situations where you might learn to recognise situations where you might lose your temper. You’ll think of better lose your temper. You’ll think of better solutions to your problems and select from a solutions to your problems and select from a range of ideas, better ways to control range of ideas, better ways to control yourself.yourself.

TeamworkTeamwork

We all run into problems sometimes We all run into problems sometimes controlling our temper. It’s easier if controlling our temper. It’s easier if we work as a team. Think of yourself we work as a team. Think of yourself as a player, and me as a coach. as a player, and me as a coach. Think of each week as a sports game. Think of each week as a sports game. We will try out new ideas each week. We will try out new ideas each week. With the coach we’ll review successes With the coach we’ll review successes and failures weekly, and practice new and failures weekly, and practice new skills for the following week. After a skills for the following week. After a term you will emerge a winner. term you will emerge a winner.

Getting to Know YouGetting to Know You

What is one thing you really like about What is one thing you really like about yourself.yourself.

What do you enjoy doing the most for fun?What do you enjoy doing the most for fun? What other interests do you have?What other interests do you have? What do you like the most about school?What do you like the most about school? What don’t you like about school?What don’t you like about school? If you could have a wish come true during If you could have a wish come true during

the night, how would things be different the night, how would things be different for you the next day?for you the next day?

Game RulesGame Rules

We call this game ‘Anger Management.’We call this game ‘Anger Management.’Rules Rules ––We both attend at a set time weekly.We both attend at a set time weekly. -You will try 100% to practice new skills -You will try 100% to practice new skills

each week.each week. -You’ll be willing to report back how -You’ll be willing to report back how

each week has gone.each week has gone. The goal is to win the “Anger The goal is to win the “Anger

Management’ game.Management’ game.

Setting GoalsSetting Goals

Things I wish to change about me Things I wish to change about me are…?are…?

Things that might get in the road and Things that might get in the road and stop me from achieving my goal are…?stop me from achieving my goal are…?

Ways that I can get around these Ways that I can get around these roadblocks are…?roadblocks are…?

AngerAnger

We all experience anger. This We all experience anger. This emotion is not bad, it gives us energy emotion is not bad, it gives us energy and makes us try harder. It is only and makes us try harder. It is only when we feel it too often, too when we feel it too often, too intensely or for too long a time that intensely or for too long a time that anger is troublesome. It may make anger is troublesome. It may make us act without thinking or do us act without thinking or do something aggressive that hurts something aggressive that hurts someone else. Then, because of someone else. Then, because of anger, we get ourselves into trouble.anger, we get ourselves into trouble.

Ways Anger Helps MeWays Anger Helps Me

Anger can help me in these ways.Anger can help me in these ways. 11 22 33 44 55 66

Ways Anger Has Caused Ways Anger Has Caused ProblemsProblems

Anger has caused me problems in Anger has caused me problems in these ways…these ways…

11 22 33 44 55

Describe times when you were Describe times when you were angry but were not aggressive?angry but were not aggressive?

11

22

33

44

Max’s Game 1Max’s Game 1 Max loved to play Aussie rules footy. He was Max loved to play Aussie rules footy. He was

one of the best players on the school team. one of the best players on the school team. Sometimes, when he thought he had been Sometimes, when he thought he had been fouled, he lost his temper and became MAD fouled, he lost his temper and became MAD MAX. When he thought the referee had made a MAX. When he thought the referee had made a poor decision, he would turn red, begin to pant, poor decision, he would turn red, begin to pant, and think ‘It’s unfair. I’ll kill that ref!’ Then he and think ‘It’s unfair. I’ll kill that ref!’ Then he would become MAD MAX. He ran over and would become MAD MAX. He ran over and kicked and pushed another player. He was seen kicked and pushed another player. He was seen by the ref and ejected from the game. This by the ref and ejected from the game. This made him even madder. His team lost, 3 to 2 made him even madder. His team lost, 3 to 2 probably because Max wasn’t playing. Max was probably because Max wasn’t playing. Max was furious. He went home and hit his little sister furious. He went home and hit his little sister who wanted to play with him. who wanted to play with him.

Max’s Game 2Max’s Game 2

He swore at his mum when she told him to He swore at his mum when she told him to calm down. He went to his room and calm down. He went to his room and stayed there all evening, missing his stayed there all evening, missing his evening meal. evening meal.

The next day, at school, he shouted at his The next day, at school, he shouted at his team mates when they tried to discuss the team mates when they tried to discuss the game. game.

Finally, he swore at a teacher who asked Finally, he swore at a teacher who asked him to take off his hat in class. For this, he him to take off his hat in class. For this, he got a one day suspension.got a one day suspension.

Max’s Game 3 QuestionsMax’s Game 3 Questions

Frequency Frequency How How many times did many times did Max get angry?Max get angry?

IntensityIntensity –How –How intense was Max’s intense was Max’s anger each time. anger each time. Rate as a Rate as a percentage from 0 percentage from 0 to 100%to 100%

Impulsivity Impulsivity When When was Max was Max impulsive?impulsive?

ConsequencesConsequences What was the What was the outcome of each of outcome of each of Max’s actions?Max’s actions?

Consequences of My AngerConsequences of My Anger

What have been the consequences of you losing What have been the consequences of you losing your temper?your temper?

FREQUENCYFREQUENCY Situations where you lost your Situations where you lost your temper too many times?temper too many times?

INTENSITYINTENSITY Situations when your anger was too Situations when your anger was too strong for you.strong for you.

IMPULSIVITYIMPULSIVITY Situations where you acted Situations where you acted without thinking.without thinking.

DURATIONDURATION Situations where your anger lasted Situations where your anger lasted too long.too long.

CONSEQUENCESCONSEQUENCES Situations where you Situations where you experienced unpleasant consequences from experienced unpleasant consequences from losing your temper.losing your temper.

Who Own’s The Problem?Who Own’s The Problem?

In managing anger, find out who In managing anger, find out who owns the problem.owns the problem.

Your friend has a fight with mum, then comes to school and Your friend has a fight with mum, then comes to school and is rude to you.is rude to you.

A student swears at you and pushes you to impress his A student swears at you and pushes you to impress his friends.friends.

Your mum had a hard day at work and shouts at you.Your mum had a hard day at work and shouts at you. Your girl friend refuses to go to a movie with you because Your girl friend refuses to go to a movie with you because

she has an assignment due tomorrow.she has an assignment due tomorrow. Your younger sister is tired and begins crying.Your younger sister is tired and begins crying. Your teacher phones your parents because you failed to Your teacher phones your parents because you failed to

complete class work and you are grounded.complete class work and you are grounded.

What to Do?What to Do?

If the other person owns the problem, If the other person owns the problem, what should you do to help them?what should you do to help them?

If you own the problem, what should If you own the problem, what should you you

do to get your needs met?do to get your needs met?

Why should you not get angry, if your Why should you not get angry, if your friend owns the problem?friend owns the problem?

Understanding FeelingsUnderstanding Feelings

List some of the common feelings List some of the common feelings that you experience?that you experience?

How can you tell when other kids are How can you tell when other kids are experiencing each of these experiencing each of these emotions?emotions?

Your personality is made up of Your personality is made up of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours or thoughts, feelings, and behaviours or things you say or do.things you say or do.

SELF TALKSELF TALK

WE TALK TO OURSELVES, WHEN THINGS WE TALK TO OURSELVES, WHEN THINGS HAPPEN HAPPEN

THESE THOUGHTS ARE IN OUR HEADS, THESE THOUGHTS ARE IN OUR HEADS, NOT SAID ALOUD NOT SAID ALOUD

WE ALL DO IT, IT’S NORMAL WE ALL DO IT, IT’S NORMAL SELF TALK COMES FROM OUR BELIEFS SELF TALK COMES FROM OUR BELIEFS

ABOUT WHY THINGS HAPPEN ABOUT WHY THINGS HAPPEN IT’S OFTEN AUTOMATICIT’S OFTEN AUTOMATIC

EXAMPLE OF SELF-TALKEXAMPLE OF SELF-TALK

MAX GOT A BAD HAIRCUT He thinks MAX GOT A BAD HAIRCUT He thinks “what a bad haircut. He scalped me. “what a bad haircut. He scalped me. I can’t go to school like this. I can’t go to school like this. Everyone will laugh. It’ll take months Everyone will laugh. It’ll take months to grow, I feel so embarrassed.” to grow, I feel so embarrassed.”

What does Max think? How does he What does Max think? How does he feel? What will he say or do when he feel? What will he say or do when he goes to school?goes to school?

EXAMPLE OF SELF-TALK 2EXAMPLE OF SELF-TALK 2

SUSAN SITS BY HERSELF THINKING “I SUSAN SITS BY HERSELF THINKING “I can’t believe Julie didn’t pick me to can’t believe Julie didn’t pick me to be on her team. I always pick her. be on her team. I always pick her. She picked Tammy. I think she She picked Tammy. I think she doesn’t like me anymore.”doesn’t like me anymore.”

What does Susan think? How does he What does Susan think? How does he feel? What will she say or do when feel? What will she say or do when she sees Julie next?she sees Julie next?

GIVE EXAMPLES OF SELF-GIVE EXAMPLES OF SELF-TALKTALK

GREG DIDN’T GET INVITED TO JOHN’S GREG DIDN’T GET INVITED TO JOHN’S PARTY. PARTY.

He thinks… He thinks… He feels…He feels… What will he say or do when he sees What will he say or do when he sees

John next?John next? What are the consequences of this?What are the consequences of this? What will be Greg’s thoughts (self-talk)?What will be Greg’s thoughts (self-talk)?

GIVE EXAMPLES OF SELF-GIVE EXAMPLES OF SELF-TALKTALK

11 GREG DIDN’T GET INVITED TO JOHN’S GREG DIDN’T GET INVITED TO JOHN’S PARTY. PARTY.

He thinks… He thinks…

He feels…He feels…

What will he say or do when he sees John next?What will he say or do when he sees John next?

What are the consequences of this?What are the consequences of this?

What will be Greg’s thoughts (self-talk)?What will be Greg’s thoughts (self-talk)?

Examples of Self-Talk 2Examples of Self-Talk 2

Max loses his library book.Max loses his library book.

He thinks… He thinks…

He feels…He feels…

What will he say or do?What will he say or do?

What are the consequences of this?What are the consequences of this?

What will be Max’s’s thoughts (self-talk)?What will be Max’s’s thoughts (self-talk)?

Examples of Self-Talk 3Examples of Self-Talk 3

Susan thinks another girl has been Susan thinks another girl has been saying bad things about her to boys saying bad things about her to boys in her classes.in her classes.

She thinks…She thinks… She feels…She feels… What will she say or do?What will she say or do? What will happen then?What will happen then? What will she think/feel then?What will she think/feel then?

WHICH THOUGHTS CAUSE WHICH THOUGHTS CAUSE THESE FEELINGS?THESE FEELINGS?

YOU GET INTO A FIGHT WITH A YOU GET INTO A FIGHT WITH A FRIEND FRIEND

NOW I DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS NOW I DON’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS

MY FRIEND WAS MEAN TO ME ON MY FRIEND WAS MEAN TO ME ON PURPOSE PURPOSE

WE’LL MAKE UP AND BE FRIENDS WE’LL MAKE UP AND BE FRIENDS SOON SOON

FEELINGS: MAD, OKAY, SADFEELINGS: MAD, OKAY, SAD

YOU GET A LOW MARK IN YOU GET A LOW MARK IN A A SCHOOL TESTSCHOOL TEST

I’M IN TROUBLE WHEN I GET HOME I’M IN TROUBLE WHEN I GET HOME I’VE GOOFED OFF INSTEAD OF I’VE GOOFED OFF INSTEAD OF

WORKING WORKING I CAN WORK HARDER AND DO I CAN WORK HARDER AND DO

BETTER NEXT TIMEBETTER NEXT TIME

OKAY SCARED GUILTYOKAY SCARED GUILTY

ABC Cartoon 1ABC Cartoon 1

ABC CARTOON 2ABC CARTOON 2




Distinguishing Situations, Distinguishing Situations, Moods, and ThoughtsMoods, and Thoughts

Thought, Feeling, or SituationThought, Feeling, or Situation 1. Nervous. 2. At home. 3. I'm not going to 1. Nervous. 2. At home. 3. I'm not going to

be able to do this. 5. Talking to a friend on be able to do this. 5. Talking to a friend on the phone. 6. Irritated. 7. Driving in my the phone. 6. Irritated. 7. Driving in my car. 8. I'm always going to feel this way. 9. car. 8. I'm always going to feel this way. 9. At work. 10. I'm going crazy. 11. Angry. At work. 10. I'm going crazy. 11. Angry. 12. I'm no good. 13. 4:00 P.M. 14. 12. I'm no good. 13. 4:00 P.M. 14. Something terrible is going to happen. 15. Something terrible is going to happen. 15. Nothing ever goes right. 16. Discouraged Nothing ever goes right. 16. Discouraged 17. I'll never get over this. 18. Sitting in a 17. I'll never get over this. 18. Sitting in a restaurant. 19. I'm out-of-control. 20. I'm a restaurant. 19. I'm out-of-control. 20. I'm a failure. 21. Talking on the phone to my failure. 21. Talking on the phone to my mom. mom.

Thoughts Feelings Thoughts Feelings ConsequencesConsequences

Mum likes my Mum likes my sister more sister more than me.than me.

AngryAngry Shout at mum Shout at mum and stay in my and stay in my room.room.

AngryAngry

SadSad

AnxiousAnxious

HappyHappy

AngryAngry

Negative TracksNegative Tracks

ThoughtThoughtss

FeelingFeelingss

BehaviourBehaviour ConseqConseq--uencesuences

New New FeelingsFeelings

TeacherTeachers picking s picking on me.on me.

AngerAnger SwearsSwears Sent to Sent to OfficeOffice

More More angryangry

AngerAnger

AngerAnger

AnxiousAnxious

SadSad

HappyHappy

LonelyLonely

Causes of AngerCauses of Anger

Thoughts, feelings and behaviours are Thoughts, feelings and behaviours are related.related.

Each may affect the other.Each may affect the other.

Give an example of thoughts influencing Give an example of thoughts influencing behaviour.behaviour.

Give an example of a behaviour influencing Give an example of a behaviour influencing your thoughts.your thoughts.

Which do you think is easiest to change? Which do you think is easiest to change? Why?Why?

ABC Cartoon ABC Cartoon

ABC ABC

OUR FEELINGS ARE DETERMINED BY OUR FEELINGS ARE DETERMINED BY WHAT WE SAY TO OURSELVESWHAT WE SAY TO OURSELVES

THOUGHTS or BELIEFS CAUSE OUR THOUGHTS or BELIEFS CAUSE OUR ANGER OR SADNESSANGER OR SADNESS

WE CONTROL THE THOUGHTS WE WE CONTROL THE THOUGHTS WE THINKTHINK

ABC STANDS FOR ADVERSITY, ABC STANDS FOR ADVERSITY, BELIEFS, CONSEQUENCESBELIEFS, CONSEQUENCES

ABC EnhancedABC Enhanced

Adversity, or a problem mayAdversity, or a problem may trigger you off (A) trigger you off (A) almost like pulling a gun triggeralmost like pulling a gun trigger. This affects you. This affects you like powder exploding in a shell.like powder exploding in a shell.

what you think (thoughts)what you think (thoughts) YouYour r feelings, feelings, What you say or What you say or do (behavior) do (behavior) After you act, others react to you After you act, others react to you

(consequence(consequencess). ). This, in turn, affects your thoughts, and feelings.This, in turn, affects your thoughts, and feelings.

Identify Triggers, Thoughts, Feelings, Identify Triggers, Thoughts, Feelings,

Behaviours, Consequences 1Behaviours, Consequences 1.. You are giving a presentation in a school You are giving a presentation in a school

assembly. assembly. You think ‘I’m going to look stupid.’You think ‘I’m going to look stupid.’ Your stomach feels like lead.Your stomach feels like lead. You deliver your words smoothly.You deliver your words smoothly. Everyone thinks your presentation is good.Everyone thinks your presentation is good. You think, “I’m good at this.’You think, “I’m good at this.’ You’re proud.You’re proud.

Identify Triggers, Thoughts, Feelings, Identify Triggers, Thoughts, Feelings,

Behaviours, Consequences 2Behaviours, Consequences 2.. You are late for school.You are late for school. ““Mum will wake me up for school”Mum will wake me up for school” You are kept in for being late.You are kept in for being late. You are anxious about signing in late.You are anxious about signing in late. You sleep in.You sleep in. You think, ‘I can’t stand it.’You think, ‘I can’t stand it.’ You skip the detention and go home.You skip the detention and go home. You rush to school without breakfast.You rush to school without breakfast.

Review ABC / Complete during Review ABC / Complete during the week.the week.

Give two triggers that have or might upset Give two triggers that have or might upset you.you.

Describe your thoughts for each trigger.Describe your thoughts for each trigger. Describe your feelings for each trigger.Describe your feelings for each trigger. What do you say or do for each trigger?What do you say or do for each trigger? What are the consequences for your actions?What are the consequences for your actions? What thoughts and feelings occur after the What thoughts and feelings occur after the

consequence?consequence? Next: Thoughts / situations that make you Next: Thoughts / situations that make you

angryangry

Why Do I Get Angry?Why Do I Get Angry? What does ABC stand for?What does ABC stand for? Which is easiest to change?Which is easiest to change? Think about when you were last angry. Think about when you were last angry.

How did you know you were angry?How did you know you were angry? What did you think?What did you think? What did you say or do? What did you say or do? What were the consequences?What were the consequences? Max came home from school and found his Max came home from school and found his

Play Station had been broken by his Play Station had been broken by his brother. (Trigger)brother. (Trigger)

Describe your self-talk, feelings, behaviour, Describe your self-talk, feelings, behaviour, consequences and new thoughts and consequences and new thoughts and feelings.feelings.

PerspectivePerspective

Our perspective determines how we see Our perspective determines how we see the world. It comes from our beliefs, our the world. It comes from our beliefs, our parents and how we were raised.parents and how we were raised.

How do you feel if you support / oppose How do you feel if you support / oppose the Dockers and they win. Why might the the Dockers and they win. Why might the Dockers be happy even if they lose?Dockers be happy even if they lose?

What would you do if you believed an eye What would you do if you believed an eye operation might improve your sight but operation might improve your sight but knew they could cause blindness 10% of knew they could cause blindness 10% of the time.the time.

Perspective 1Perspective 1

Whether we are angry or calm about Whether we are angry or calm about an adversity depends on our thoughts.an adversity depends on our thoughts.

If you believed other kids hated you If you believed other kids hated you and wanted to hurt you, how would and wanted to hurt you, how would you behave if you were pushed from you behave if you were pushed from behind.behind.

If you believed everyone liked you and If you believed everyone liked you and no-one would touch you, how would no-one would touch you, how would you behave if you were pushed from you behave if you were pushed from behind.behind.

PerspectivePerspective The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a honk if you

love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus. Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

HonkHonk

What was the perspective of the What was the perspective of the driver? How did he feel?driver? How did he feel?

What was the perspective of the What was the perspective of the other drivers? How did they feel?other drivers? How did they feel?

Would the other drivers feel Would the other drivers feel differently if they shared or differently if they shared or understood the perspective of the understood the perspective of the first driver? Why?first driver? Why?

Perspectives 2Perspectives 2

Think of a situation where other Think of a situation where other people assume something will people assume something will happen. Explain how this gets them happen. Explain how this gets them in trouble. in trouble. EG John assumes his teacher dislikes EG John assumes his teacher dislikes him. He… Susan thinks her walkman was stolen. She… him. He… Susan thinks her walkman was stolen. She… Greg was not invited to John’s party. He…Greg was not invited to John’s party. He…

Now change the person’s Now change the person’s perspective, so that trouble does not perspective, so that trouble does not occur.occur.

Perspectives HomeworkPerspectives Homework

Think of a time when someone got angry Think of a time when someone got angry with you.with you.

Why do you think they were angry at you?Why do you think they were angry at you?

If you get angry over any issue, tell the If you get angry over any issue, tell the situation using ABC.situation using ABC.

Trigger, Trigger, Thoughts, Thoughts, Feelings, Feelings, Behaviours, Behaviours, Consequences, Consequences, New thoughts/feelings.New thoughts/feelings.

Anger Causing Anger Causing Situations/PeopleSituations/People

List three adversities that cause you List three adversities that cause you to become angry.to become angry.

Name three people on your Name three people on your permanent ‘hate’ list.permanent ‘hate’ list.

List three people on your temporary List three people on your temporary ‘hate’ list. You are disliking them ‘hate’ list. You are disliking them today.today.

Now rate your anger for each situation Now rate your anger for each situation from 0 to 100%. Outline your thoughts from 0 to 100%. Outline your thoughts backing your feelings.backing your feelings.

Who’s In Control?Who’s In Control?

Are you a puppet? Must you react to Are you a puppet? Must you react to everything said or done to you? If everything said or done to you? If you do, they control you.you do, they control you.

By changing your self-talk, you By changing your self-talk, you become the puppeteer, manipulating become the puppeteer, manipulating the strings. You become in charge of the strings. You become in charge of what will happen.what will happen.

Learn the ‘self-talk’ offensive to take Learn the ‘self-talk’ offensive to take control.control.

Identifying Helpful / Unhelpful Identifying Helpful / Unhelpful Self-talkSelf-talk

I can’t stand him.I can’t stand him. He’s a girl, he doesn’t bother me.He’s a girl, he doesn’t bother me. I’ll fix him whatever the consequences.I’ll fix him whatever the consequences. Don’t get bent out of shape. Be cool.Don’t get bent out of shape. Be cool. No-one can say that to me. I’ll kill him.No-one can say that to me. I’ll kill him. Who cares, anyway. He’s just a jerk.Who cares, anyway. He’s just a jerk. The’re always teasing me.The’re always teasing me. Overall, I figure I’m a pretty lucky girl.Overall, I figure I’m a pretty lucky girl. They can say what they like, it doesn’t bother me.They can say what they like, it doesn’t bother me. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I can sort this issue out cooperatively.I can sort this issue out cooperatively. I can’t deal with this at all.I can’t deal with this at all. That’s unfair.That’s unfair. Kids all hate me.Kids all hate me. I can do it.I can do it.

Developing Skills in Self-Talk 1Developing Skills in Self-Talk 1

Increasing Anger: Trigger: Teacher Increasing Anger: Trigger: Teacher raises voice and asks me to move raises voice and asks me to move seatsseats

Thought: I hate her, she always picks Thought: I hate her, she always picks on me.on me.

Rate intensity of anger 0—100%Rate intensity of anger 0—100% Say or Do: Refuse teacher requestSay or Do: Refuse teacher request Consequence: Sent to Student Consequence: Sent to Student

ServicesServices

Developing Skills in Self-Talk 2Developing Skills in Self-Talk 2

Positive Track Trigger: Teacher raises Positive Track Trigger: Teacher raises voice and asks me to move seats.voice and asks me to move seats.

Thoughts: I like this teacher but she’s Thoughts: I like this teacher but she’s grumpy today.grumpy today.

Feelings: Feel sympathetic :Anger Rate Feelings: Feel sympathetic :Anger Rate intensity 0—100%intensity 0—100%

Say or Do: Say I’m sorry and move quietly.Say or Do: Say I’m sorry and move quietly. Consequences: Lesson continues, get on Consequences: Lesson continues, get on

with work.with work.

Practising Self-Talk Skills 1Practising Self-Talk Skills 1

Increasing Anger: Select a Increasing Anger: Select a Trigger___________________________Trigger___________________________

Thoughts:_________________________Thoughts:_________________________ Feelings:____________________Rating:Feelings:____________________Rating: Say or Do:________________________Say or Do:________________________ Consequences:_____________________Consequences:_____________________

Practice Self-Talk Skill 2Practice Self-Talk Skill 2

Decreasing Anger:Decreasing Anger: Select an Select an Adversity or Adversity or Trigger___________________________Trigger___________________________

Thoughts:_________________________Thoughts:_________________________ Feelings:____________________Rating:Feelings:____________________Rating: Say or Do:________________________Say or Do:________________________ Consequences:_____________________Consequences:_____________________

Identifying Irrational Self-Talk 1Identifying Irrational Self-Talk 1

Often our thoughts pop into our heads Often our thoughts pop into our heads automatically. They are based on our automatically. They are based on our previous experiences and things we have previous experiences and things we have been told. They may not be correct. been told. They may not be correct. People used to think the earth was flat. People used to think the earth was flat. They were afraid they would fall off the They were afraid they would fall off the edge of the world. How would this affect edge of the world. How would this affect their behaviour? What was the their behaviour? What was the consequences?consequences?

Today we consider these beliefs irrational.Today we consider these beliefs irrational.

Identifying Irrational Self-Talk Identifying Irrational Self-Talk 22 Identify the thoughts or beliefs as Identify the thoughts or beliefs as

rational or irrational. Explain your rational or irrational. Explain your decisions. How would believing decisions. How would believing these thoughts affect your feelings these thoughts affect your feelings and behaviour? Restate irrational and behaviour? Restate irrational beliefs more rationally.beliefs more rationally.

Other kids should like me all the time.Other kids should like me all the time. It’s ok if some kids dislike me.It’s ok if some kids dislike me. I should always do my work perfectly.I should always do my work perfectly. No-one should ever tease me.No-one should ever tease me. I should always get what I want.I should always get what I want. I must be treated fairly.I must be treated fairly. I should keep my feelings to myself always.I should keep my feelings to myself always. There is only one way to solve every problem.There is only one way to solve every problem. It’s ok to hurt other people.It’s ok to hurt other people. I should never be kept waiting.I should never be kept waiting. If I don’t win, I’m a failure.If I don’t win, I’m a failure. Someone is to blame if things don’t go my way.Someone is to blame if things don’t go my way.

Effects of Positive Self-TalkEffects of Positive Self-Talk

Scientists have found that optimistic teams, Scientists have found that optimistic teams, teams that think positively about winning, teams that think positively about winning, usually win. People who are confident in usually win. People who are confident in overcoming disease live longer. Politicians overcoming disease live longer. Politicians who are optimistic about winning elections who are optimistic about winning elections usually get elected.usually get elected.

You are able to turn anger increasing self-talk You are able to turn anger increasing self-talk to anger reducing self-talk. Eg I can’t stand to anger reducing self-talk. Eg I can’t stand that bully –could become ‘stay calm and in that bully –could become ‘stay calm and in control.’ or ‘I’ll smash him what ever the cost’ control.’ or ‘I’ll smash him what ever the cost’ could be “I can get more out of this by could be “I can get more out of this by staying calm.’staying calm.’

Practising Cool Self-TalkPractising Cool Self-Talk

Restate these hot thoughts as cool Restate these hot thoughts as cool thoughts. Rate your anger level from 0-thoughts. Rate your anger level from 0-100% before and after.100% before and after.

I can’t stand that girl.I can’t stand that girl. He thinks he’s so hot.He thinks he’s so hot. He’d better shut his mouth right now.He’d better shut his mouth right now. He can’t say that to me.He can’t say that to me. He’s so full of bull.He’s so full of bull. She’s always spreading lies about me.She’s always spreading lies about me. It’s awful when he teases me.It’s awful when he teases me. That should never happen to anyone.That should never happen to anyone.

Permanent versus Temporary Permanent versus Temporary Self-TalkSelf-Talk

Often, when we are angry, se use self-talk that Often, when we are angry, se use self-talk that makes the adversity ongoing or permanent by makes the adversity ongoing or permanent by using words like always, or never. EG he always using words like always, or never. EG he always swears at me. To be positive, you must change swears at me. To be positive, you must change the self-talk to make the adversity short term or the self-talk to make the adversity short term or temporary.temporary.

Change these ongoing adversities to temporary Change these ongoing adversities to temporary or short term problems.or short term problems.

The teacher always picks on me.The teacher always picks on me. My sister hates me.My sister hates me. She always wants to go first.She always wants to go first. It’s impossible for me to do Maths.It’s impossible for me to do Maths. I never do well in school.I never do well in school. I just can’t stand liars.I just can’t stand liars. No-one should ever gossip about me.No-one should ever gossip about me.

Cartoon: WimpCartoon: Wimp

Cartoon: Picking on MeCartoon: Picking on Me

GGloomy Greg & Hopeful Holly –loomy Greg & Hopeful Holly –Dance storyDance story

Gloomy Greg at the School DanceGloomy Greg at the School Dance Greg: Greg: Hey Cindy, do you want to dance? Hey Cindy, do you want to dance?

Cindy: Cindy: No thanks. I'm tired.No thanks. I'm tired. Greg [thinks to himself]: Greg [thinks to himself]: Way to go! I'm such a Way to go! I'm such a

loser. Why did I even bother to ask her to dance? I loser. Why did I even bother to ask her to dance? I never have any fun at these things. I should have never have any fun at these things. I should have known she'd say no. She's popular and I'm a geek. known she'd say no. She's popular and I'm a geek. No one's ever going to dance with me. I always get No one's ever going to dance with me. I always get shot down. I'm just never going to be cool enough. shot down. I'm just never going to be cool enough. I don't know why I even bothered coming to the I don't know why I even bothered coming to the dance. They're always really boring.dance. They're always really boring.

[Greg sits down on a bench and looks very [Greg sits down on a bench and looks very sad.]sad.]

Hopeful Holly at the School DanceHopeful Holly at the School Dance

Holly: Do you Holly: Do you want to dance? want to dance? Joe: Joe: No thanks.No thanks. Holly [thinks to herself]: Holly [thinks to herself]: Ughl That's embarrassing. Ughl That's embarrassing.

I hate it when that happens. 1 guess Joe just isn't I hate it when that happens. 1 guess Joe just isn't into dancing tonight. I'll try to ask someone else. into dancing tonight. I'll try to ask someone else. [speaks to Sammy] [speaks to Sammy] Hey Sammy, how about a Hey Sammy, how about a dance?dance?

Sammy: Sammy: No thanks, Holly.No thanks, Holly. Holly [thinks to herself]: Holly [thinks to herself]: Oh, man. Another no. I'm in a Oh, man. Another no. I'm in a

rut. Maybe I wasn't friendly enough. Okay, I'll give it rut. Maybe I wasn't friendly enough. Okay, I'll give it another shot, but this time I'll smile nice and big and another shot, but this time I'll smile nice and big and I'll be real friendly. I'll be real friendly. [speaks to Fred, with big, warm [speaks to Fred, with big, warm smile] smile] Hi, Fred. Are you having a good time?Hi, Fred. Are you having a good time?

Fred: Fred: Yeah. I can't believe that this is the smelly old Yeah. I can't believe that this is the smelly old gym. They really made it look cool.gym. They really made it look cool.

Holly: Yeah. I heard that Mr. Rothera spent all week Holly: Yeah. I heard that Mr. Rothera spent all week getting it to look like this. I really like that shirt. Is it getting it to look like this. I really like that shirt. Is it new?new?

Fred: Fred: This one? Oh, thanks. Yeah, I just got it this This one? Oh, thanks. Yeah, I just got it this weekend. I went to that new store that opened in the weekend. I went to that new store that opened in the mall.mall.

Holly: Holly: Oh, yeah, I heard about it, but I haven't gone Oh, yeah, I heard about it, but I haven't gone there yet. Hey, I really like this song. Do you want to there yet. Hey, I really like this song. Do you want to dance?dance?

Fred: Fred: Oh, okay. Sure.Oh, okay. Sure.

Because of Me or Because of Because of Me or Because of Someone ElseSomeone Else

When we are angry, we usually blame When we are angry, we usually blame someone else other than ourselves. This is someone else other than ourselves. This is unfortunate because we are responsible for unfortunate because we are responsible for our own feelings. We need to learn to take our own feelings. We need to learn to take some responsibility for our anger, and not some responsibility for our anger, and not to blame losing our temper on something to blame losing our temper on something that happened to us. In the following that happened to us. In the following stories, consider wstories, consider who sees the situation ho sees the situation more realistically: Greg, Adam, or Holly? more realistically: Greg, Adam, or Holly? Who do you think has more fun on the Who do you think has more fun on the team?team?

Angry Adam Misses the Shoot Angry Adam Misses the Shoot Story 1Story 1

Angry Angry Adam Misses the ShotAdam Misses the Shot Adam's soccer team loses to the Tigers. At dinner that night, his Adam's soccer team loses to the Tigers. At dinner that night, his

father asks about the game.father asks about the game. Dad. So, Dad. So, Mom tells me you had a tough loss today. Sorry to hear it, Mom tells me you had a tough loss today. Sorry to hear it,

kiddo.kiddo. Adam: Adam: Yeah, we got smeared. We could've won, too. Sam really Yeah, we got smeared. We could've won, too. Sam really

blew it.blew it. Dad: Dad: What do you mean? What happened?What do you mean? What happened? Adam: Adam: Sam really can't play goalie. He let four shots go by. He Sam really can't play goalie. He let four shots go by. He

didn't even stop the ones he dove for.didn't even stop the ones he dove for. Dad: Dad: That's too bad. That couldn't have been the only reason you That's too bad. That couldn't have been the only reason you

lost, though. What was the score?lost, though. What was the score? Adam: Adam: Five to four. We would have won if it wasn't for Barry. He Five to four. We would have won if it wasn't for Barry. He

missed the penalty shot. He's such a spaz. I told him to let me missed the penalty shot. He's such a spaz. I told him to let me make it but the coach said it was his turn. I took a penalty shot make it but the coach said it was his turn. I took a penalty shot earlier - but I missed it because Frank kept telling me what to do earlier - but I missed it because Frank kept telling me what to do and I couldn't concentrate. I'm on the worst team ever.and I couldn't concentrate. I'm on the worst team ever.

Because of Me Stories 2Because of Me Stories 2 Hopeful Holly Drops the BallHopeful Holly Drops the Ball Holly's kickball team loses to the Primos' team. At dinner that Holly's kickball team loses to the Primos' team. At dinner that

night, her father asks about the game.night, her father asks about the game. Dad: So, Dad: So, Mom tells me you had a tough loss today. Sorry to hear it, Mom tells me you had a tough loss today. Sorry to hear it,

kiddo.kiddo. Holly: Holly: Yeah, we got smeared. We could've won, too. We really Yeah, we got smeared. We could've won, too. We really

stunk today.stunk today. Dad: Dad: What do you mean? What happened?What do you mean? What happened? Holly: Holly: Well, this girl kicked a pop-up and it was right at me and I Well, this girl kicked a pop-up and it was right at me and I

dropped it. I couldn't believe it. It was right in my hands and I blew dropped it. I couldn't believe it. It was right in my hands and I blew it. I was so embarrassed.it. I was so embarrassed.

Dad: Dad: That's too bad. That couldn't have been the only reason you That's too bad. That couldn't have been the only reason you lost, though. What was the score?lost, though. What was the score?

Holly: It was ten to four, I think. We all played pretty bad. Ms. Cross Holly: It was ten to four, I think. We all played pretty bad. Ms. Cross wasn't too happy. Sharon dropped the ball a couple of times. Dana wasn't too happy. Sharon dropped the ball a couple of times. Dana didn't even get on base and she usually kicks homers, and didn't even get on base and she usually kicks homers, and Kimberly dropped a pop-up too. And they have this really big girl Kimberly dropped a pop-up too. And they have this really big girl on their team and she killed the balL She hit like three home runs. on their team and she killed the balL She hit like three home runs. Ms. Cross says we need to concentrate more in the field.Ms. Cross says we need to concentrate more in the field.

Homework ANGER LOGHomework ANGER LOG

TRIGGERTRIGGER THOUGHTTHOUGHT FEELINGSFEELINGS SAY/DIDSAY/DID CONSEQU-CONSEQU-ENCESENCES

EG My sister took my EG My sister took my CD.CD.

She should stay out She should stay out of my room,of my room,

Anger 60%Anger 60% Told her to give it Told her to give it back rightnow.back rightnow.

We had a fight and We had a fight and got grounded.got grounded.

ANGER LOGANGER LOGTRIGGERTRIGGER THOUGHTTHOUGHT FEELINGFEELING

RATE 0-RATE 0-100%100%

SAY/DOSAY/DO CONSEQUCONSEQUENCEENCE

New New FeelingsFeelings

ANGER ANGER GROWINGGROWING

COOL COOL THOUGHTTHOUGHT

Anger Log Practice 1Anger Log Practice 1

Complete the anger log for these Complete the anger log for these adversities. Check your perspective. adversities. Check your perspective. Think of many reasons why the other Think of many reasons why the other person may get angry with you.person may get angry with you.

Mum stops you from attending a party.Mum stops you from attending a party. A boy/girl threatens to fight you after school.A boy/girl threatens to fight you after school. You get hit by a piece of fruit thrown at you in the You get hit by a piece of fruit thrown at you in the

school canteen.school canteen. Now use a real case in which you felt very angry Now use a real case in which you felt very angry

towards someone.towards someone.

AttitudeAttitude Beliefs or your attitude influence your feelings and Beliefs or your attitude influence your feelings and

behaviour. Rate these attitudes from 0 or disagree to behaviour. Rate these attitudes from 0 or disagree to 100%, agree fully. Restate negative attitudes more 100%, agree fully. Restate negative attitudes more positively.positively.

No-one should ever laugh at me.No-one should ever laugh at me. I can’t cope without my friends being around.I can’t cope without my friends being around. It’s awful that my closest friend is moving away.It’s awful that my closest friend is moving away. It’s impossible to complete this assignment.It’s impossible to complete this assignment. I feel hopeless when my parents lecture me.I feel hopeless when my parents lecture me. It’s ok to smoke / do drugs because all my friends do it.It’s ok to smoke / do drugs because all my friends do it. I hate being criticised / corrected in front of people.I hate being criticised / corrected in front of people. I’m entitled to what I want right now.I’m entitled to what I want right now. I’m a no-hoper if I’m not with the ‘cool’ crowd.I’m a no-hoper if I’m not with the ‘cool’ crowd. I’m hopeless if I make a mistake in a game.I’m hopeless if I make a mistake in a game. I should get what I want or someone will pay.I should get what I want or someone will pay. If I can’t do it well, I won’t try at all.If I can’t do it well, I won’t try at all. I get angry if I’m not treated really fairly.I get angry if I’m not treated really fairly. If I show my feelings, other will laugh and that’s embarrassing.If I show my feelings, other will laugh and that’s embarrassing. If my parents let me down by not doing something they agreed ti, they should If my parents let me down by not doing something they agreed ti, they should

"pay"for it ."pay"for it .

Learning RelaxationLearning Relaxation

COMING UP WITH OTHER VIEWS: USE COMING UP WITH OTHER VIEWS: USE THE WISE PART Of the BrainTHE WISE PART Of the Brain

To get in touch with our WISE PART we need to :To get in touch with our WISE PART we need to : (1) Check our feelings in the situation(1) Check our feelings in the situation (2) Check the thoughts that go with the feelings(2) Check the thoughts that go with the feelings (3) What exactly are we reacting to? Be specific.(3) What exactly are we reacting to? Be specific. (4)Get in touch with our WISE PART and ask (4)Get in touch with our WISE PART and ask

ourselves, do I want to go on feeling like this or ourselves, do I want to go on feeling like this or do I want to feel different? I have a choice. (Look do I want to feel different? I have a choice. (Look at the consequences for ourselves and others if at the consequences for ourselves and others if we follow our feelings with behaviour). Will the we follow our feelings with behaviour). Will the outcome show respect for ourselves and the outcome show respect for ourselves and the other? If not.....other? If not.....

(5) What can I think to make myself feel better (5) What can I think to make myself feel better and and showshow respect for myself and the other. respect for myself and the other.

Anger Log Practice 2Anger Log Practice 2

Complete the anger log for these Complete the anger log for these adversities. Check your perspective. adversities. Check your perspective. Think of many reasons why the other Think of many reasons why the other person may get angry with you.person may get angry with you.

You fumble a footy pass and everyone boos.You fumble a footy pass and everyone boos. Your mum tells you off for not tidying your room and doing your Your mum tells you off for not tidying your room and doing your

homework.homework. Someone puts ice-cream in your bag and it melts over your Someone puts ice-cream in your bag and it melts over your

notes/clothes.notes/clothes. You are late handing in a school assignment and the teacher You are late handing in a school assignment and the teacher

phones your parents.phones your parents. Think of an adversity which recently caused you to feel angry.Think of an adversity which recently caused you to feel angry.

Anger: Give ABC’s for these:Anger: Give ABC’s for these:

Max had studied very hard for a test. None Max had studied very hard for a test. None of the material he studied was on the test.of the material he studied was on the test.

Susan’s mum insisted that she come home Susan’s mum insisted that she come home every day directly after school finished.every day directly after school finished.

When Jim comes to school, he is chased on When Jim comes to school, he is chased on his bike by four boys who say they’ll get his bike by four boys who say they’ll get him after school.him after school.

Now give ABC’s where each student thinks Now give ABC’s where each student thinks helpful thoughts that control their anger / helpful thoughts that control their anger / behaviour.behaviour.

ANAN

Russell and Mom 1Russell and Mom 1

Russell: Russell: Hey, Mom, a bunch of kids from school are going to Hey, Mom, a bunch of kids from school are going to Wildwood for the weekend. Wildwood for the weekend.

Mom: Mom: Well, Russell, I don't know. I have to think about it. Well, Russell, I don't know. I have to think about it. Who's going and who's driving?Who's going and who's driving?

Russell. Russell. Rob Reckless is going and his dad, Mr. Reckless, is Rob Reckless is going and his dad, Mr. Reckless, is driving.driving.

Mom: Mom: Who else is going with you? I don't want you hanging Who else is going with you? I don't want you hanging out with that Turner girl. She's a bad influence.out with that Turner girl. She's a bad influence.

Russell: Russell: Jeez, Mom, lighten up. Lisa's not that bad. She just Jeez, Mom, lighten up. Lisa's not that bad. She just got in trouble that one time. Other kids will Be there too.got in trouble that one time. Other kids will Be there too.

Mom: Is Mom: Is there a telephone number where I can reach you? there a telephone number where I can reach you? Russell: Russell: Sheesh, Mom, relax. I'm not a little kid anymore. I Sheesh, Mom, relax. I'm not a little kid anymore. I

can take care of myself. I doubt there's a phone. The place can take care of myself. I doubt there's a phone. The place we're staying at is right on the beach. And anyway, none of we're staying at is right on the beach. And anyway, none of the other kids' parents are making such a big deal about the other kids' parents are making such a big deal about this. Why are you always getting on my case?lthis. Why are you always getting on my case?l


Mom: I Mom: I don't like the sound of this. I'll tell you don't like the sound of this. I'll tell you what: Dad and I will take you to the beach next what: Dad and I will take you to the beach next weekend.weekend.

Russell: Russell: Oh hey, great. Won't that be fun. Me Oh hey, great. Won't that be fun. Me and my parents hanging out at Wildwood. I can and my parents hanging out at Wildwood. I can hardly wait! Why not just ground me instead?hardly wait! Why not just ground me instead?

Mom: Mom: Russell, I've made up my mind. You're not Russell, I've made up my mind. You're not going. That's final.going. That's final.

[Russell goes to his room.][Russell goes to his room.] Russell [thinking to himself]: 1 Russell [thinking to himself]: 1 really hate her. really hate her.

She's such a witch. She always does this to me. She's such a witch. She always does this to me. She never lets me do anything fun. She makes She never lets me do anything fun. She makes me look like such a loser in front of my friends.me look like such a loser in front of my friends.


Wait a minute. I'm pulling a Hemlock. Sherlock wouldn't let Wait a minute. I'm pulling a Hemlock. Sherlock wouldn't let himself get all upset over the first thought that pops into his himself get all upset over the first thought that pops into his head. He'd look for evidence. Let's see ... Does my mom head. He'd look for evidence. Let's see ... Does my mom ever let me do fun things? Well, last week she ever let me do fun things? Well, last week she did did let me go let me go to Great Adventure, and she lets me go alone to the movies to Great Adventure, and she lets me go alone to the movies all the time all the time [evidence]. [evidence]. And, oh yeah, she usually lets me And, oh yeah, she usually lets me invite friends over to play Nintendo invite friends over to play Nintendo [evidence]. I [evidence]. I guess she guess she does let me do some fun stuff. Maybe she's just worried does let me do some fun stuff. Maybe she's just worried about Mr. Reckless about Mr. Reckless [alternative]. [alternative]. He does have a bad driving He does have a bad driving record. And maybe she doesn't really like me to be around record. And maybe she doesn't really like me to be around Lisa Lisa [alternative]. [alternative]. After all, she did get into a lot of trouble After all, she did get into a lot of trouble for stealing from the girls locker room. Maybe she's worried for stealing from the girls locker room. Maybe she's worried about there not being a phone because she likes to be able about there not being a phone because she likes to be able to get in touch with me in case something goes wrong, like to get in touch with me in case something goes wrong, like when I broke my ankle playing soccer last year when I broke my ankle playing soccer last year [alternative].[alternative].

I'm still mad that I can't go. But I guess I don't hate Mom. I I'm still mad that I can't go. But I guess I don't hate Mom. I feel a little bit better knowing that at least she had some feel a little bit better knowing that at least she had some good reasons for saying no. Maybe she'll let me bring good reasons for saying no. Maybe she'll let me bring Andrew to the shore with us. That would be a lot better than Andrew to the shore with us. That would be a lot better than just me and them. I think I'll ask.just me and them. I think I'll ask.

Russell and Mum Questions 2Russell and Mum Questions 2

What was Russell's first explanation about why his mom What was Russell's first explanation about why his mom wouldn't let him go to the shore? wouldn't let him go to the shore?

If Russell was like Hemlock, what would he have done?If Russell was like Hemlock, what would he have done? How did Russell act more like Sherlock instead? How did Russell act more like Sherlock instead? What evidence did he find? What evidence did he find? Did Russell come up with any other ways of understanding Did Russell come up with any other ways of understanding

why his mother said no? why his mother said no? If Russell hadn't looked for evidence about whether his If Russell hadn't looked for evidence about whether his

mother never lets him have any fun, how do you think he mother never lets him have any fun, how do you think he would have felt? would have felt?

What do you think he would have done? What do you think he would have done? How do you think he felt after he looked for evidence and How do you think he felt after he looked for evidence and

thought of other reasons why his mom wouldn't let him thought of other reasons why his mom wouldn't let him go? go?

What do you think he does next?What do you think he does next?

The ABCDE Scripts IntroductionThe ABCDE Scripts Introduction

Read these scripts to the class.Read these scripts to the class. Have the children point out when Have the children point out when

evidence is used to challenge evidence is used to challenge pessimism and when optimistic pessimism and when optimistic alternatives are offered.alternatives are offered.

Explain what is meant by Explain what is meant by ‘energization.’‘energization.’

ABCDE PRACTICEABCDE PRACTICEMeredith Slide 1Meredith Slide 1

Adversity: I went to a party at my friend Adversity: I went to a party at my friend Meredith's house. Her parents took us all to a Meredith's house. Her parents took us all to a movie. They said they'd pick us up at ten. Once it movie. They said they'd pick us up at ten. Once it got dark, Lauren took out a squeeze bottle from got dark, Lauren took out a squeeze bottle from her backpack. She said she filled it with stuff from her backpack. She said she filled it with stuff from her parents' liquor cabinet . Beth and Steph and her parents' liquor cabinet . Beth and Steph and Tammy were psyched about it and they all Tammy were psyched about it and they all started taking turns drinking it. They started started taking turns drinking it. They started giggling like it was so funny. The people around giggling like it was so funny. The people around us kept telling us to be quiet. Lauren told me to us kept telling us to be quiet. Lauren told me to take some but I didn't want to. Then they started take some but I didn't want to. Then they started telling me that I was a wimp and no fun and stuff. telling me that I was a wimp and no fun and stuff. They kept on hassling me about it.They kept on hassling me about it.

Meredith Slide 2Meredith Slide 2 Beliefs:Beliefs: I'm such a wuss. They're all doing it. I should too. I'm I'm such a wuss. They're all doing it. I should too. I'm always such a baby. Everybody I know drinks . It's not a big deal .always such a baby. Everybody I know drinks . It's not a big deal . Anytime we do something fun or wild I get scared and back out.Anytime we do something fun or wild I get scared and back out. I'm such a baby.I'm such a baby. ConsequencesConsequences: I felt stupid - really, really stupid. I pretended: I felt stupid - really, really stupid. I pretended like I didn't care- I just kept staring at the movie- but I reallylike I didn't care- I just kept staring at the movie- but I really felt like crying . It's like I felt embarrassed and scared and sad all atfelt like crying . It's like I felt embarrassed and scared and sad all at once . I hated it .once . I hated it . Disputation:Disputation: Just because I didn't drink doesn't make me a Just because I didn't drink doesn't make me a wuss. I mean, it's not brave to just do what everybody else iswuss. I mean, it's not brave to just do what everybody else is doing. That can be wussy too. Sometimes it's even harder not todoing. That can be wussy too. Sometimes it's even harder not to do what all your friends are doing. It's like what Mr. Riley calleddo what all your friends are doing. It's like what Mr. Riley called being a majority of one. I guess that's what I am. And anyway, notbeing a majority of one. I guess that's what I am. And anyway, not everyone drinks . I know Sari and Lisa Eckles don't drink . And Ieveryone drinks . I know Sari and Lisa Eckles don't drink . And I do a lot of wild things. Like I was the one that played the practicaldo a lot of wild things. Like I was the one that played the practical joke on Miss Harmony. And it was my idea to wrap the toiletjoke on Miss Harmony. And it was my idea to wrap the toilet paper around Ms. Gretchen's house after the championship. Thatpaper around Ms. Gretchen's house after the championship. That was pretty fun.was pretty fun. Energization:Energization: I started to feel a little better. I still couldn't wait I started to feel a little better. I still couldn't wait to get out of there 'cause I was scared they'd get caught, but Ito get out of there 'cause I was scared they'd get caught, but I didn't feel so sad or embarrassed. I just watched the rest of thedidn't feel so sad or embarrassed. I just watched the rest of the movie and ignored them.movie and ignored them.

ABCDE Practice 2 (Down’s Script 1)ABCDE Practice 2 (Down’s Script 1)

Adversity: My Adversity: My brother is five years older than me. He's brother is five years older than me. He's sixteen. But he can't drive. He's got Down's. So he looks sixteen. But he can't drive. He's got Down's. So he looks different. He isn't as smart as most kids his age. But he different. He isn't as smart as most kids his age. But he tries real hard at stuff. I love him but sometimes I get mad tries real hard at stuff. I love him but sometimes I get mad at him. Like the other day. We walked over to Suburban at him. Like the other day. We walked over to Suburban Square. We were going to buy a birthday present for our Square. We were going to buy a birthday present for our dad. We went in this store called Sharper Image - they have dad. We went in this store called Sharper Image - they have all these neat machines and stuff. Anyway, a couple kids all these neat machines and stuff. Anyway, a couple kids from my school came in. They're okay guys. I started from my school came in. They're okay guys. I started talking to them and then Stevie starts calling me. I told him talking to them and then Stevie starts calling me. I told him to hold on a minute, but he just kept on calling me, all to hold on a minute, but he just kept on calling me, all excited like. The guys I was with started laughing, so I excited like. The guys I was with started laughing, so I turned around. Stevie was lying down on this bed that has turned around. Stevie was lying down on this bed that has these rollers that move up and down. It like gives you a these rollers that move up and down. It like gives you a massage. Stevie was clapping his hands and acting real massage. Stevie was clapping his hands and acting real goofy. He kept on calling me and laughing real loud. goofy. He kept on calling me and laughing real loud. Everybody started staring. I got really mad and pulled him Everybody started staring. I got really mad and pulled him off it. I yelled at him pretty bad. I told him he can't ever off it. I yelled at him pretty bad. I told him he can't ever hang out with me ever again.hang out with me ever again.

ABCDE Practice 2 (Down’s 2) AnalysisABCDE Practice 2 (Down’s 2) Analysis

Beliefs: I Beliefs: I hate Stevie. hate Stevie. How come I got stuck with a brother like him. How come I got stuck with a brother like him. He's always doing stupid stuff to embarrass me. Everyone at He's always doing stupid stuff to embarrass me. Everyone at school thinks I'm a weirdo 'cause of him. They're always calling me school thinks I'm a weirdo 'cause of him. They're always calling me names and stuff. He's such a loser. names and stuff. He's such a loser. I I wish he wasn't ever born.wish he wasn't ever born.

Consequences: I Consequences: I was feeling really mad. I wanted to punch him real was feeling really mad. I wanted to punch him real hard. hard. I I guess I was also embarrassed. I wanted to get out of there guess I was also embarrassed. I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. And I didn't even want to look at Stevie. Like I as fast as I could. And I didn't even want to look at Stevie. Like I wanted to pretend I didn't know him.wanted to pretend I didn't know him.

Disputation: Disputation: Sometimes it's really hard to be with him. He does do Sometimes it's really hard to be with him. He does do goofy things at times. But it's not like he does it on purpose. He goofy things at times. But it's not like he does it on purpose. He just can't help it. It's like he's a little kid in a big body. When I'm just can't help it. It's like he's a little kid in a big body. When I'm mad I sometimes think it would be better if he weren't around, but mad I sometimes think it would be better if he weren't around, but we have a lot of fun together too. He makes me laugh a lot and he we have a lot of fun together too. He makes me laugh a lot and he cheers me up when I'm in a bad mood. cheers me up when I'm in a bad mood. I'd I'd miss him if he weren't miss him if he weren't my brother. Sometimes I do get called "retardo" at school, but not my brother. Sometimes I do get called "retardo" at school, but not so much. And it's really only by Alex. He's mean to everyone. Last so much. And it's really only by Alex. He's mean to everyone. Last time he started getting on me, Kathy and Billy told him to knock it time he started getting on me, Kathy and Billy told him to knock it off, so I guess they don't think I'm weird.off, so I guess they don't think I'm weird.

Energization: I Energization: I started to feel less mad at him. I was still feeling started to feel less mad at him. I was still feeling embarrassed, but not so much as before.embarrassed, but not so much as before.

ABCDE Practice 3 Lamar 1ABCDE Practice 3 Lamar 1

Adversity: My Adversity: My mom and dad split up a couple years back. Now mom and dad split up a couple years back. Now she's dating this new guy named Lamar. He's starting to come she's dating this new guy named Lamar. He's starting to come around a lot. around a lot. My My mom acts so different when he's around. the mom acts so different when he's around. the other night, Lamar came over for dinner. She made me and other night, Lamar came over for dinner. She made me and my sister clean the whole entire house. We even had to move my sister clean the whole entire house. We even had to move all the furniture and clean behind it. We never do that. Then all the furniture and clean behind it. We never do that. Then she cooked this really fancy meal and she made me polish the she cooked this really fancy meal and she made me polish the silverware. I hate the smell of that stuff. It makes me sick. silverware. I hate the smell of that stuff. It makes me sick. Then she got all dressed up and put on all this goopy makeup Then she got all dressed up and put on all this goopy makeup and put her hair up all fancy. She never does that either. She and put her hair up all fancy. She never does that either. She never wears makeup. I don't even think she combs her hair. never wears makeup. I don't even think she combs her hair. When he came over he tried to be so nice and polite and When he came over he tried to be so nice and polite and funny. It was pathetic. Whenever I started talking, my mom funny. It was pathetic. Whenever I started talking, my mom barely listened. She'd just grunt something in my direction. barely listened. She'd just grunt something in my direction. But when Lamar opened his mouth - she was so into it. He But when Lamar opened his mouth - she was so into it. He started talking about that movie where the lady doesn't talk started talking about that movie where the lady doesn't talk and wants to play the piano all the time. He was saying how and wants to play the piano all the time. He was saying how great he thought it was and she acted like she liked it too, but great he thought it was and she acted like she liked it too, but it was a total lie. Me and Becky saw it with her. We were it was a total lie. Me and Becky saw it with her. We were bored out of our minds and she said she didn't think it was so bored out of our minds and she said she didn't think it was so good either. She said it was overrated.good either. She said it was overrated.

ABCDE Practice 3 Analysis Lamar 2ABCDE Practice 3 Analysis Lamar 2

Beliefs:Beliefs: She's so two-faced. She acts all She's so two-faced. She acts all different for Lamar. And she never pays us any different for Lamar. And she never pays us any attention anymore. I bet she wishes we weren't attention anymore. I bet she wishes we weren't around so she could spend all her time with her around so she could spend all her time with her new boyfriend. All she cares about is him. She new boyfriend. All she cares about is him. She doesn't care what happens to me anymore. I doesn't care what happens to me anymore. I don't think she loves me so much anymore.don't think she loves me so much anymore.

Consequences: I Consequences: I was really sad and mad too. I was really sad and mad too. I didn't want to say anything else all night. 1 just didn't want to say anything else all night. 1 just wanted to sit there real quiet and wait to be wanted to sit there real quiet and wait to be excused. I just kept staring at my plate and excused. I just kept staring at my plate and hoped real hard that Lamar would choke on his hoped real hard that Lamar would choke on his food. I tried to turn my body so that I could only food. I tried to turn my body so that I could only see Mom and Becky. I pretended Lamar wasn't see Mom and Becky. I pretended Lamar wasn't there.there.

..

Disputation Lamar 3Disputation Lamar 3 Disputation: Disputation: Well, she does act different when he's around. Well, she does act different when he's around.

I mean, our house is cleaner than it's ever been. But I guess I mean, our house is cleaner than it's ever been. But I guess she's just trying to make a good impression. I do that too she's just trying to make a good impression. I do that too sometimes. Like when I liked Timmy. I tried to look real nice sometimes. Like when I liked Timmy. I tried to look real nice and say things that were cool. I guess grown-ups do that and say things that were cool. I guess grown-ups do that too. She definitely spends a lot of time with Lamar, but that too. She definitely spends a lot of time with Lamar, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't love me or doesn't want to doesn't mean that she doesn't love me or doesn't want to be with me too. Like last week, he wanted to come over be with me too. Like last week, he wanted to come over and take us all to this museum - oooh, fun - but she said and take us all to this museum - oooh, fun - but she said that we couldn't 'cause we were going to the park. I think that we couldn't 'cause we were going to the park. I think he wanted to come, but she said it was girls' day out. And he wanted to come, but she said it was girls' day out. And next week, me and her are going to lunch and to a movie, next week, me and her are going to lunch and to a movie, just the two of us. I hope she ends up not liking him. That'd just the two of us. I hope she ends up not liking him. That'd be great. I can't take all this cleaning.be great. I can't take all this cleaning.

Energization: I Energization: I started to feel okay again. Becky started started to feel okay again. Becky started talking about our school and I said some things too. I even talking about our school and I said some things too. I even looked at Lamar a couple timeslooked at Lamar a couple times

Disputing BeliefsDisputing Beliefs

Other Techniques: RelaxationOther Techniques: Relaxation

In games, you’ve seen the reverse, where In games, you’ve seen the reverse, where the ball is faked to one person, and the ball is faked to one person, and secretly handed to someone else.secretly handed to someone else.

Sometimes we feel that everything is too Sometimes we feel that everything is too much. When we feel frustrated, anger has much. When we feel frustrated, anger has a better chance to take over. In games, a better chance to take over. In games, and in handling anger, ‘time-out’ is and in handling anger, ‘time-out’ is sometimes the best strategy for sometimes the best strategy for regrouping your defenses.regrouping your defenses.

Deep breathing and muscle relaxation are Deep breathing and muscle relaxation are two excellent ‘time-out’ measures.two excellent ‘time-out’ measures.

Recognizing StressRecognizing Stress

How do you look or feel when you How do you look or feel when you are feeling stressed and tense? are feeling stressed and tense? What self-talk may occur?What self-talk may occur?

How do you look / feel when you How do you look / feel when you are relaxed? What self-talk are relaxed? What self-talk occurs?occurs?

There are many muscles.We recognise our muscles only after we There are many muscles.We recognise our muscles only after we exercised them, such as running.Your legs or hands get sore. exercised them, such as running.Your legs or hands get sore. People's muscles tighten up when the’re angry . Their necks or People's muscles tighten up when the’re angry . Their necks or shoulders get tense. They clench their teeth . Their stomach turns into shoulders get tense. They clench their teeth . Their stomach turns into knots and their fists clench up . The muscles in their legs and hands knots and their fists clench up . The muscles in their legs and hands are tense and tight .are tense and tight .

Muscular RelaxationMuscular Relaxation

Name some of the muscles on your body. Name some of the muscles on your body. Start with your feet and work upwards. Start with your feet and work upwards. Include the calf, thighs, buttocks, stomach, Include the calf, thighs, buttocks, stomach, back, chest,biceps, tricepts, shoulders, back, chest,biceps, tricepts, shoulders, neck, mouth, face, eyes, forehead, scalp.neck, mouth, face, eyes, forehead, scalp.

Imagine you feel pretty angry. Which Imagine you feel pretty angry. Which muscles tense up on you?muscles tense up on you?

You can’t feel tense and relaxed at the You can’t feel tense and relaxed at the same time. same time.

Muscular Relaxation / Deep Muscular Relaxation / Deep Breathing.Breathing.

Close your mouthClose your mouth, take a deep breath through your nose . . . hold , take a deep breath through your nose . . . hold it. . .release . . .Now put your right hand on your stomach,it. . .release . . .Now put your right hand on your stomach, and your left hand on and your left hand on your chest . Now take a long, slow, deep breathyour chest . Now take a long, slow, deep breath through your nose again Feel what through your nose again Feel what happens to your stomach and chest. Thishappens to your stomach and chest. This is “is “deepdeep-breathing ." How do you feel -breathing ." How do you feel now?now?

Let your eyelids close . . . Tense your hands into fist . . . Relax hands . . .Imagine a Let your eyelids close . . . Tense your hands into fist . . . Relax hands . . .Imagine a heavy bag you've been carrying is released . See it float away . . .Tightness in my heavy bag you've been carrying is released . See it float away . . .Tightness in my arms runs down my arm and out of my fingers . . . Tightnessarms runs down my arm and out of my fingers . . . Tightness i in your legs runs n your legs runs down your legs and out your toes . . . Your am weightless . . .You feel like you are down your legs and out your toes . . . Your am weightless . . .You feel like you are floating on air . . .Tense your shoulders by pulling them forward as tight as you can floating on air . . .Tense your shoulders by pulling them forward as tight as you can . . . Relax. . . Relax shoulders . . .Tense your shoulders again but pull them back instead of shoulders . . .Tense your shoulders again but pull them back instead of forward. . .Relax shoulders . . .Tense/wrinkle your forehead as tight as you forward. . .Relax shoulders . . .Tense/wrinkle your forehead as tight as you can . . .Relaxcan . . .Relax the the forehead. . . Tense/clench you jaws . . .Relax jaws . . .Open forehead. . . Tense/clench you jaws . . .Relax jaws . . .Open mouth as wide as youmouth as wide as you can and tense facial muscles . . .Relax jaw and facial can and tense facial muscles . . .Relax jaw and facial muscles . . .Tense stomach . .Relax . . .Tense back . . .Relax . . .Tense right muscles . . .Tense stomach . .Relax . . .Tense back . . .Relax . . .Tense right leg . . .Relax . . .Tense left leg . leg . . .Relax . . .Tense left leg . RRelax . . .elax . . .

How relaxed did you feel from 1-100%?How relaxed did you feel from 1-100%?

Muscular Relaxation / Deep Muscular Relaxation / Deep Breathing: PracticeBreathing: Practice

Sit back, picture an adversity when you felt Sit back, picture an adversity when you felt really angry. What was said or done to you? really angry. What was said or done to you? What did you say or do? Remember your What did you say or do? Remember your self-talk. Now rate your anger from 0-100%self-talk. Now rate your anger from 0-100%

Now, take some deep breathes slowly. Tell Now, take some deep breathes slowly. Tell yourself to be calm. Consciously tense and yourself to be calm. Consciously tense and relax muscle groups; hands, arms, toes, relax muscle groups; hands, arms, toes, feet, calves, shoulders, face and eyes. Now feet, calves, shoulders, face and eyes. Now rate your anger from 0-100%rate your anger from 0-100%

Relaxing ActivitiesRelaxing Activities

To get rid of stress and anxiety, To get rid of stress and anxiety, engage in your favourite activities engage in your favourite activities such as exercise, by walking, or such as exercise, by walking, or riding your bike, dancing, playing riding your bike, dancing, playing sport.sport.

List the activities which you enjoy List the activities which you enjoy doing which are relaxing such as doing which are relaxing such as reading, seeing a reading, seeing a movie,_____________________________movie,_____________________________

Problem SolvingProblem Solving Relaxation exercises and activities help you to avoid anger. Relaxation exercises and activities help you to avoid anger. Playing footy is like life, it’s challenging with big opponents, Playing footy is like life, it’s challenging with big opponents,

a slippery ball and small goals. You need total focus, a slippery ball and small goals. You need total focus, coordination, speed and strength. If you push or trip coordination, speed and strength. If you push or trip someone you are penalised. You can’t afford to lose your someone you are penalised. You can’t afford to lose your temper. In school and life, it’s the same. Getting angry only temper. In school and life, it’s the same. Getting angry only hurts you.hurts you.

Problem solving is an effective strategy to use against your Problem solving is an effective strategy to use against your opponent, anger.opponent, anger.

STOP What’s the adversity?STOP What’s the adversity? THINK What’s the options?THINK What’s the options? JUDGE the helpful solutionJUDGE the helpful solution DO Carry it out.DO Carry it out. APPRAISE Did it work?APPRAISE Did it work?

Problem Solving Example 1Problem Solving Example 1

1 . STOP: What's the problem?1 . STOP: What's the problem? Who : Bully at schoolWho : Bully at school What : Called me a "punk"What : Called me a "punk" When: 12:3bWhen: 12:3b Where : At recess, in front of everyoneWhere : At recess, in front of everyone Why: He likes to show off or maybe it's his way of getting attention.Why: He likes to show off or maybe it's his way of getting attention.

THINK: What can I do? Brainstorm solutions .THINK: What can I do? Brainstorm solutions . Consider Consider as many solutions as you can. Don't worry about whether it's aas many solutions as you can. Don't worry about whether it's a good or bad solutiongood or bad solution.. 1) Ignore him.1) Ignore him. 2) Insult him back.2) Insult him back. 3) Walk away.3) Walk away. 4) Hit him .4) Hit him . 5) Try to joke with him.5) Try to joke with him. 6) Hope the recess bell rings .6) Hope the recess bell rings . Anything else?Anything else? 7)7) 8)8) 9)9) 10)10)

Problem Solving Example 2Problem Solving Example 2

3. JUDGE3. JUDGE: What's the best solution?: What's the best solution? For each SOLUTION in #2, write down what you think would happen,For each SOLUTION in #2, write down what you think would happen, OUTCOME, if you did it . RATE each solution as + (good) or - (bad). ThenOUTCOME, if you did it . RATE each solution as + (good) or - (bad). Then pick the best.pick the best. 1) 1) Ignore him He would keep it up.Ignore him He would keep it up. 2) Insult him back He'd probably try to hit me.2) Insult him back He'd probably try to hit me. 3) Walk away He'd leave me alone but others +/-might3) Walk away He'd leave me alone but others +/-might think I'm a "chicken"think I'm a "chicken" 4) Hit him4) Hit him 5) Joke with him5) Joke with him 6) Hope bell rings6) Hope bell rings 8)8) 9)9) 10)10) Pick the best solution and circle it .Pick the best solution and circle it .

4. 4. DODO: Try it out.: Try it out. We'd both be sent to the Principal .We'd both be sent to the Principal . He might start laughing. +He might start laughing. + It might not ring soon enough .It might not ring soon enough . -Run-Run the play.the play.

55. Appraise. Appraise: Did it work?: Did it work?

Now you tryNow you try Problem-SolvingProblem-Solving

STOPSTOP WhatWhat Adversity/Problem________________________________________________________________________________ Adversity/Problem________________________________________________________________________________ When:When: Where:Where: Why :Why : 1)1) 2)2) 3)3) 4)4) 5)5)

THINK: What can I do? Brainstorm solutions .THINK: What can I do? Brainstorm solutions . ____________________________________________________________________ JUDGE____________________________JUDGE____________________________ What are the outccomes or consequences for each solution? Which is the best solution? Why? Rate each as good + or bad -What are the outccomes or consequences for each solution? Which is the best solution? Why? Rate each as good + or bad -

DO_______________________________DO_______________________________ Try it out.Try it out.

APPRAISE_________________________APPRAISE_________________________ How did your solution work? If it doesn’t work, try another solution.How did your solution work? If it doesn’t work, try another solution.

PROBLEM SOLVING PROBLEM SOLVING ACTIVITIES 1ACTIVITIES 1

TRY EACH OF THESE ACTIVITIES USING TRY EACH OF THESE ACTIVITIES USING THE PROBLEM SOLVING MODELTHE PROBLEM SOLVING MODEL

Your calculator disappeared from your Your calculator disappeared from your school bag at recess.school bag at recess.

You forgot your lunch money, missed You forgot your lunch money, missed breakfast and feel very hungry.breakfast and feel very hungry.

Max's tired and wishes to view his favorite TV Max's tired and wishes to view his favorite TV programme, but his sister is watching another programme, but his sister is watching another channel.channel.

Think of a problem you had recently which Think of a problem you had recently which made you feel angry.made you feel angry.

PROBLEM SOLVING PROBLEM SOLVING ACTIVITIES 2ACTIVITIES 2

TRY EACH OF THESE ACTIVITIES USING TRY EACH OF THESE ACTIVITIES USING THE PROBLEM SOLVING MODELTHE PROBLEM SOLVING MODEL

My brother borrowed my football without My brother borrowed my football without asking and now I have friends over to play asking and now I have friends over to play and no ball.and no ball.

Dad wants you to visit grandmum in Dad wants you to visit grandmum in hospital, but you want to go to a party hospital, but you want to go to a party instead.instead.

Think of a problem you had recently which Think of a problem you had recently which made you feel angrymade you feel angry

Personality TypesPersonality Types

Passive, Passive-Aggressive, Assertive, Passive, Passive-Aggressive, Assertive, Aggressive Match these to labels below.Aggressive Match these to labels below.

Want their own way, always.Want their own way, always. Secretly seek revenge.Secretly seek revenge. Try to meet needs without hurting othersTry to meet needs without hurting others Throw tantrums, lose temper, shoutThrow tantrums, lose temper, shout Communicate needs and feelings honestlyCommunicate needs and feelings honestly Never say anything and needs are Never say anything and needs are

neglectedneglected

Questionnaire Personality Questionnaire Personality TypesTypes

How do you handle a teacher who accuses How do you handle a teacher who accuses you of cheating when you havn’t.you of cheating when you havn’t.

Your girl friend stands you up.Your girl friend stands you up. Your friend borrows your Science text Your friend borrows your Science text

without asking.without asking. A girl cuts in front of youin a canteen queue.A girl cuts in front of youin a canteen queue. You are upset by another girl / boy You are upset by another girl / boy

spreading gossip about you.spreading gossip about you. Your parents yell at you unnecessarily.Your parents yell at you unnecessarily.

Guided Fantasy / Role PlayGuided Fantasy / Role Play

Skill and confidence in taking ‘time-Skill and confidence in taking ‘time-out’ to deep breathe and relax your out’ to deep breathe and relax your muscles also gives you the muscles also gives you the opportunity to relax further and opportunity to relax further and leave your anger behind.leave your anger behind.

AGGRESSIVE TRACKAGGRESSIVE TRACK

MANIPULATIVE (Passive-MANIPULATIVE (Passive-Aggressive) TRACKAggressive) TRACK

PASSIVE TRACKPASSIVE TRACK

ASSERTIVE TRACKASSERTIVE TRACK

Assertiveness Role Play 1Assertiveness Role Play 1

Think of a situation where you think your Think of a situation where you think your personal rights have been trashed and you personal rights have been trashed and you feel angry.. feel angry..

Figure out what you want to happen.Figure out what you want to happen.

Role play the adversity in an assertive but Role play the adversity in an assertive but not aggressive way. Try to use I not aggressive way. Try to use I STATEMENTS.STATEMENTS.

I FEEL ANGRY WHEN YOU… BECAUSE…. I FEEL ANGRY WHEN YOU… BECAUSE….

CABCAA Changing Tracks Programs Training ManualCABCAA Changing Tracks Programs Training Manual

DISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS USDISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS USSTUCK IN OLD TRACKSSTUCK IN OLD TRACKS

11 BEING RIGHT: You go out of your way to prove yourself right, as if BEING RIGHT: You go out of your way to prove yourself right, as if

you are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions you are continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any lengths to demonstrate your rightness. (A good recipe to lengths to demonstrate your rightness. (A good recipe to encourage friends and partner/s to stay away.)encourage friends and partner/s to stay away.)

CATASTROPHISING: Your expectations are dominated by disaster. CATASTROPHISING: Your expectations are dominated by disaster. You notice or hear about a problem and start "what ifs:" What if You notice or hear about a problem and start "what ifs:" What if they find out how dumb or bad. .. etc. I really am? What if tragedy they find out how dumb or bad. .. etc. I really am? What if tragedy strikes? (A good recipe for anxiety and depression.)strikes? (A good recipe for anxiety and depression.)

AUGHTISM: Life is full of "oughts, shoulds, musts, have tos". You AUGHTISM: Life is full of "oughts, shoulds, musts, have tos". You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. You feel angry and/or guilty when you or others break these act. You feel angry and/or guilty when you or others break these rules. (A good recipe for conflict and stress .)rules. (A good recipe for conflict and stress .)

CONTROL FALLACIES: (External control) . Others do it to you. CONTROL FALLACIES: (External control) . Others do it to you. Things just happen to you. You have no control. You see yourself Things just happen to you. You have no control. You see yourself as a helpless victim of fate. You can't be held responsible. OR as a helpless victim of fate. You can't be held responsible. OR (Internal control) . You are responsible for the pain and happiness (Internal control) . You are responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you, as if you can control how they feel. (A of everyone around you, as if you can control how they feel. (A good recipe for apathy or frenzy and worry.)good recipe for apathy or frenzy and worry.)

CABCAA Changing Tracks Programs Training ManualCABCAA Changing Tracks Programs Training Manual

DISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS USDISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS US

STUCK IN OLD TRACKSSTUCK IN OLD TRACKS 2 2 FILTERING: You take the negative details and FILTERING: You take the negative details and

magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects ofof the situation in accordance with your negative the situation in accordance with your negative Tracks . (A good recipe to maintain a low self-esteem Tracks . (A good recipe to maintain a low self-esteem and becoming a pessimist. Such a person is to be and becoming a pessimist. Such a person is to be avoided.)avoided.)

POLARISED THINKING: Things are black and white, POLARISED THINKING: Things are black and white, good or bad. You have to begood or bad. You have to be perfect or you are a perfect or you are a failure. There is yes or no. There is no grey or middle failure. There is yes or no. There is no grey or middle ground . (A goodground . (A good recipe for conflict and ineffective recipe for conflict and ineffective interrelationships).interrelationships).

FALLACY OF CHANGE: If others changed your FALLACY OF CHANGE: If others changed your problems would disappear. Peopleproblems would disappear. People have to change so have to change so that your needs can be met because it depends on that your needs can be met because it depends on others whether yourothers whether your needs are met or not. Therefore, needs are met or not. Therefore, you have to change people because your happiness you have to change people because your happiness seemsseems to depend entirely on them. (A good recipe for to depend entirely on them. (A good recipe for unhappiness and broken relationships.)unhappiness and broken relationships.)

DISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS US STUCK DISTORTED THINKING THAT KEEPS US STUCK IN OLD TRACKS 3IN OLD TRACKS 3

FALLACY OF FAIRNESS: You know what is fair better than anyone else. FALLACY OF FAIRNESS: You know what is fair better than anyone else. Unfortunately people wont agree with you and so you feel resentful. (A good Unfortunately people wont agree with you and so you feel resentful. (A good recipe for rebellion and nusery.)recipe for rebellion and nusery.)

BLAMING: Everyone else is responsible for the way you feel. You need to BLAMING: Everyone else is responsible for the way you feel. You need to blame anyone and everyone . (A good recipe for giving away personal power blame anyone and everyone . (A good recipe for giving away personal power and responsibility.)and responsibility.)

OVERGENERALISATION: You come to a general conclusion based on a single OVERGENERALISATION: You come to a general conclusion based on a single piece of evidence or situation. You may often hear yourself say "always or piece of evidence or situation. You may often hear yourself say "always or never" when describing when a behaviour or incident occurs . You generalise never" when describing when a behaviour or incident occurs . You generalise one or two qualities into a negative global judgement. (A good recipe for one or two qualities into a negative global judgement. (A good recipe for prejudices and rigidity .)prejudices and rigidity .)

PERSONALISATION: Thinking that everything that people do or say is some PERSONALISATION: Thinking that everything that people do or say is some kind of reaction to you as a person. You don't separate the deed from the kind of reaction to you as a person. You don't separate the deed from the doer concerning others.doer concerning others.

COMPULSIVE COMPARING: You are forever comparing yourself to others, COMPULSIVE COMPARING: You are forever comparing yourself to others, trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc. You also make trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc. You also make comparison of others with others. (A good recipe for a critic, a gossip, and comparison of others with others. (A good recipe for a critic, a gossip, and someone not to be trusted.)someone not to be trusted.)

EMOTIONAL REASONING: You are motivated by your feelings. You believe EMOTIONAL REASONING: You are motivated by your feelings. You believe that what you feel is true - automatically. Even though your feelings are that what you feel is true - automatically. Even though your feelings are activated by irrational thinking you follow them. (A good recipe for disaster activated by irrational thinking you follow them. (A good recipe for disaster in interpersonal and financial situations.)in interpersonal and financial situations.)

REWARD FALLACY: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as REWARD FALLACY: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as though there is someone keeping score. You feel bitter when the reward though there is someone keeping score. You feel bitter when the reward doesn't come. (A good recipe for disappointment and bitterness.)doesn't come. (A good recipe for disappointment and bitterness.)

Homework AssertivenessHomework Assertiveness Write about an adversity where you were Write about an adversity where you were

assertive._________________________________assertive._____________________________________________________________________________________________

Who was involved?___________________Who was involved?___________________ Where were you?_____________________Where were you?_____________________ How did you handle the situation?How did you handle the situation?

______________________________________________________ What was the consequence?What was the consequence?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

HumourHumour

Telling a joke or exaggerating or Telling a joke or exaggerating or distorting a situation to create laughter distorting a situation to create laughter is another way to defeat your opponent, is another way to defeat your opponent, anger.anger.

Explain how humour works?Explain how humour works? How can it improve your attitude to life?How can it improve your attitude to life? A friend has called you ‘gay.’ A friend has called you ‘gay.’

Demonstrate use of humour to defeat Demonstrate use of humour to defeat anger.anger.

Practising HumourPractising Humour

1 . Think of another time you were really 1 . Think of another time you were really angry . . .angry . . .

2. How does your body feel? . .2. How does your body feel? . . 3 . Now switch your thinking to the funniest 3 . Now switch your thinking to the funniest

thing that ever happenedthing that ever happened to you . . .to you . . . 4. How do you feel now? . .4. How do you feel now? . .

PracticePractice

You now have five plays to use You now have five plays to use against your opponent anger. against your opponent anger. Describe Each.Describe Each.

Self-TalkSelf-Talk RelaxationRelaxation Problem SolvingProblem Solving AssertionAssertion HumourHumour

FinishFinish

It isIt is importan important to t to practic practice daily what e daily what you've learned at home, in school, you've learned at home, in school, during during games, games, at parties, with friends, or at parties, with friends, or wherever youwherever you are. are.

DefeatDefeat the opponent, ANGER. the opponent, ANGER. Congratulations! YOU'VE COME A LONG Congratulations! YOU'VE COME A LONG

WAY AND HAVE AWAY AND HAVE A RIGHT TO BE VERY RIGHT TO BE VERY PROUD OF YOURSELF!!PROUD OF YOURSELF!!

Date post:	07-Jan-2016
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Staying In Control

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