Presented By:Danielle, Jessica Muller,Michelle, Misty Peters,

Sarah Greening

‘You have two ears and one mouth. Remember to use them in more or less that proportion.’

- Paula Bern

In this chapter you will learn:

How…

Communicating creates our World

To listen and communicate effectively

To prevent and resolve conflicts

To experience more satisfying relationships

Some things are real; pencils, tables, chairs, food – all exist in our world in a straightforward matter. They are tangible.

However, other aspects in our lives such as intelligence, love, human rights, student success are more abstract – they exist in a more complicated non-real way. They are non-tangible and only exist when we define or talk about them

Thus, communicating creates our world.

Nonverbal Listening guidelines:

Remain Quiet

Keep Eye Contact

Show Openness

Acknowledge

Vernal Listening guidelines:

Give Feedback

Listen Beyond Words

Take Care of Yourself

Listen for Requests

‘Through skilled listening, you gain more than respect. You gain insight into other people. You learn about the World and about yourself.’

- Becoming a Master Student Text

Remain Quiet

When someone is speaking, remain quiet during his/her speech and even after he/she is finish. Staying quiet after someone speaks, gives them time to gather their thoughts or continue speaking if they want to.

The moment of silence also gives you a chance to form your response, instead of thinking of what you want to respond with when you’re supposed to be listening.

Keep Eye Contact

Look at the person who is speaking. This shows your attentiveness and helps your mind from wandering. When looking at someone when they are speaking also allows you to ‘listen’ to ones body language.

Keep in mind however, not all people are comfortable with listeners who constantly stare at them, keeping eye contact. Observe when people may be uncomfortable.

Show Openness

You can communicate that you are open, by you facial expressions and body position.

Keep your arms and legs uncrossed while sitting up straight. Be sure to face the other person and remove any objects between you, such as a stack of books.

Acknowledge

It is a good idea to acknowledge the person, let them know you are still there and attentive.

Use words such as ‘OK’, ‘Yes’, and ‘Umhum’ or body gestures such as nodding your head.

These acknowledgements do not imply you agree, it just shows the speaker you are listening to what they are saying.

Give Feedback

If you don’t understand what someone has said, paraphrase what you heard and understood.

Inquire if that is what he/she said/meant, if it is, the person will agree that’s right. If not he/she will speak again to try and get to understand better.

Listen Beyond Words

Listen to the words being spoken

as well as the emotion behind them.

Sometimes the emotional message is more important then the verbal message.

Take Care of Yourself

Often people look for good listeners, but you may not always wish to listen.

You may become distracted or have other concerns. Be honest. Don’t pretend to listen.

If you don’t want to listen, simply tell the person; now, isn’t a good time, and set a date to talk again.

Listen for Requests

An effective way to listen, its to look for hidden requests within a complaint. For Example: Someone says that a particular class is a waste of time. Instead, it could be heard as ‘what will I gain if I participate in class?’

Or another example, ‘The teacher talks to fast’. Instead, ‘what strategies can I use to take notes when the instructor talks to fast?’

In other words, don’t use a complaints as an excuse. Turn it in to a request, and act accordingly.

There are several strategies to help resolve conflicts:

• State the Problem Openly

• Focus on Solutions

• Understand all Points of View

• Speak Your Mind

• Commit to the Relationship

• Apologize or Ask for Forgiveness

• Do nothing

State the Problem Openly

The first step to resolving a problem is to communicate exactly what you feel, think, want and intend to do.

Also allow your conflict partner to do the same.

You may feel, think or want different things so be sure to define the conflict clearly. You cannot fix the problem unless you both agree that something is broken.

Focus on Solutions

Once you’ve defined the conflict, come up with as many solutions as possible.

Brainstorm nonstop, if you become unfocused, restate the problem, and continue to think of solutions.

Next, examine your solutions and get rid of the ones that won’t work. Choose a solution that works for both people, and stick to your agreement.

Understand All Points of View

Reduce tension by putting your opinions to one side.

Take a moment and understand the other persons point of view, then summarize what the person has said.

Doing so shows that the person has been heard, thus they will be more willing to listen.

Speak Your Mind

When in conflict, don’t hold back or only say a part of what you are feeling or thinking.

Let everything out, all feelings and emotions.

Always speak your mind, say everything that you are thinking, no matter what.

Commit to the Relationship

Conflicts usually occur between people who care about each other. Why argue with someone who you do not care about?

Commit yourself, state that you care about the relationship, and will do anything to resolve the issue. As well, have the other person do the same.

Ask For Forgiveness

Own up to your mistakes. Often conflicts come about from ones own errors.

Help end the conflict byapologizing or asking for forgiveness.

Do Nothing

Often conflicts become worse, if you insist that it be solved right away.

Just sit back, relax and let things work

Itself out. Some conflicts only require time to pass by, before they resolve themselves.

Here are some Do’s and Don’ts that help obtain a more satisfying relationship:

o Tell the truth

o Don’t Brag

o Support others

o Don’t Pry

o Ask for Help

o Don’t borrow too much

o Detach Yourself

o Don’t Preach

Some relationships work with ease, others don’t. The key factor that determines how a relationship will work is communication.

Do Tell the Truth

Not telling the truth, makes life complicated.

Example: if you think a friend is addicted to drugs, tell him/her in a supportive, nonjudgmental way, shows a sign of friendship.

Being open and honest can heal and deepen relationships.

Don’t Brag

Often students are turned off by constant references to how much money you have, how great your significant other is, or how numerous your social success is.

Note the difference between sharing excitement and being obnoxious.

Do Support Others

It’s a great idea to encourage fellow students and classmates. Encourage them to reach their goals and be successful.

As well respect their study time and help them stay focused on their educational and career goals.

Supporting and helping others, also helps you.

Don’t Pry

Being a great listener is invitation enough for classmates to share their problems, feelings and personal goals.

However, don’t inquire further if they’re not willing to share.

Do Ask for Help

Always know that you are not alone.

You can call on the talent, strength and wisdom of others. Most of the time, people will respond to a genuine request for help.

So don’t be shy or afraid to ask for help.

Don’t Borrow Too Much

Asking for help is great, borrowing is fine too, but don’t borrow too much!

Asking to borrow a book once in a while or something small is ok. But often people have trouble saying no, and constantly borrowing items can cause a bitterness in the relationship.

Do Detach Yourself

Allow others to accept responsibility for their problems.

It isn’t helpful to pity them, get upset with them or assume responsibility for solving their problem.

Don’t Preach

Often people ask for advice. It’s ok to share your opinions and values. But never pretend that you know what's best for someone else.

Respect the differences between people and don’t try to reform the world.

Team Leader: Sarah GreeningResponsible for PowerPoint Presentation

Product Designers: Michelle & Misty PetersResponsible for Pamphlet Design

Marketing Executives: Danielle & Jessica MullerResponsible for MySpace Webpage & TV Ad

All content has been taken directly and indirectly from the Student Success text book ‘Becoming a Master Student’