ISSUE #17NOVEMBER 2011

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The Alto residence lined with cheese after the massive cheese fight on Holly’s Halloween party. Clean up will probably take quite some time. Holly won’t be needing cheese for a while though!

Big cheese drama at Hal-loween partyCheese on a sandwich might be nice, cheese taking over your house is not (unless you are a mouse off course, in which case this sce-nario would probably be like heaven to you!).

SUNSET VALLEY – What could have been the coolest Halloween party in town has turned out to be nothing but a disaster. The cause was not bad music, violence or bad

costumes, but cheese.

Holly Alto, the party host, thought she had planned everything well. How-ever, the drama started when the snacks were delivered. Instead of spooky crisps, evil cook-ies and bloody candy, Holly received sixty kilos of cheese. As that was all the food she was going to get that night, she de-cided to just make scary stuff out of the cheese.

Everything went well, until one cowardly guy at the party panicked when he saw a vampire made out of cheese and kicked it through the room. Right after that someone yelled “CHEESE FIGHT!” and soon enough the cheese was flying back and forth.It also appeared that the cheese was not exactly fresh. “Halfway through the night there was a very strong smell taking over the room. I knew it

wasn’t my Dad farting, because I had told him to get lost for the night. As someone threw a piece of cheese right to my nose, I realised that was the problem. Sixty kilos of problem,” Holly tells us. “We got Fat Frankie to eat all the cheese to take the smell away, but it was even too much for him, so he had to puke and then the smell got even worse.”

Since Holly and her friends are still busy cleaning up, we are advis-ing you to avoid the Alto home for now.

PAGE 2 SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

New air store openedSUNSET VALLEY – A rather strange store has opened their doors this month. They sell a prod-uct already available for everyone: air. But, this is no ordinary air. It’s de-signers air.

We asked store owner Bob what’s so special about it. ‘Well, it’s very healthy and clean air’, said Bob ‘especially re-trieved from thousands of Bonsai trees. They have the ability to exhume ex-tremely clean air made of carbon oxide.’ According to Bob.

Come and get some soon to experience it yourself!

No sailing away from homeWhen Bernie Bones, a young citizen of Sunset Valley, fell out with his mother, he figured there was only one logical thing to do. Being a big fan of the maritime life, he decided to just sail away from his annoying mother. Unfortunately, his plan backfired.

When he arrived at Old Pier Beach, he discovered that his old wooden plank was not seaworthy. He is now still there, waiting for someone to donate a boat.

Could there be a monster living in these peaceful waters?

Is there a Sea Monster in Sun-set Valley?Speculations fly over mysterious disappear-ances

SUNSET VALLEY – Over the past few weeks, a to-tal of five people have been reported missing. All were alone at the time of their disappearances, except for one of the peo-ple. Frank Lesley, 23, and his family were enjoy-ing a sunny day at Old Pier Beach when Frank’s younger sister noticed Frank was no longer with them. After hours of searching, it finally got dark and the search was postponed. It re-

sumed the following day, but Frank was not found. This was the start of a series of disappearances that would occur over the following weeks.

It has since been found that all the victims were last seen at Old Pier Beach, and many reports from witnesses claim the victims were swim-ming the last time they were seen. Drowning was originally suspected, but after the pattern was found and no bodies were recovered, other theories began to emerge. One fa-natical citizen and avid

fisherman, Jason Quersh, claims that on multiple occasions since he moved to his beach house a few years ago, he has seen something strange out in the bay. “Dude, it’s like, so crazy man! Like, some-times I see this ginor-mous beast in the water! It’s like a squid or some-thing, waving its tenta-cles around, man. The sea is angry dude, angry!”

Investigations are under-way. Residents have been asked to avoid swimming until the case is solved. There are no more details at this time.

OPINIONSAre you already preparing for the cold winter months?What does our panel think of this argument?

Oscarr Parke Muscle Lover

Billy HopkinsSchool bully

Richard JonesChubby friend

I don’t need to prepare. My exce-lently toned body and muscles can withstand even the greatest cold, without problem. This is because I train 8 days a week.

Sure, I am already forging sick notes for school, so I don’t have to ride there through the snow.

Well, I’m stocking up on food and other supplies. I have my entire kitchen already filled with canned goods and other goodies.

PAGE 4 SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

Simon flying through his back yard. Gravity doesn’t affect him anymore after the accident.

Flying man enjoys powersLook up in the sky. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a pie? No it’s a flying inhabitant of Sunset Valley

SUNSET VALLEY – Don’t we all secretly dream about it. Being able to fly. Well maybe not a lot of people really dream about it, but some sure do. Also Simon Up-erman. He has dreamt of flying since he was a kid. Now his dream finally came true. “I was working as an in-tern in the science lab, when an explosion hap-pened. After the explo-sion I noticed that I was

floating above the air. I wasn’t on the ground,” according to mister Up-erman.

Science expert Jon Plane was unavailable for com-ment. “I’m sorry, but I cannot comment on the events that have hap-pened at the science plant. Please leave my of-fices!”Whatever has happened will maybe always be a mystery. Truth is that mister Uperman can en-joy his flying abilities for the time being. “Who knows how long this’ll last.”

COMMUNITY VOICE

By Jack Russell

I am very, very worried. Since a few weeks, I have noticed, our world is full of animals. Not just fish or in-sects, but BIG an-imals. That can’t be good, right?Horses, for in-stance, must be dangerous. Even though people sometimes say “I could eat a horse”, considering its size, I think it’s more probable that the horse eats me. And even though I never actually saw the stomach of a horse from the inside, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to go there. Then there’s dogs, rac-coons, skunks, and some other smaller animals. Yes, they are smaller than

horses, but what if I don’t notice them and trip over them, my face landing on

the pavement? See, they are dan-gerous too!Last but not least, cats. I can’t say much about them except that they are the root of all evil. There is a reason that the evil bosses on TV

always have them. Cats are evil masterminds who are always out to kill you. If you think I am para-noid, you are just as an-noying as my mum.

So please, everyone, can we go back to the time that fish were actually the scariest animals? Please?

Explosion at Sunset Valley sci-ence lab smells fishyThis month, the science lab in Sunset Valley suf-fered from a fairly large explosion. The explosion was quickly covered by local science experts and no press was allowed on the premises.

We did a little research ourselves and found out that the science lab was experimenting with cre-

ating food out of llama spit. “It is possible that some llama fur might have got-ten stuck in one of the machines, causing it to blow up,” according to an expert who wishes to remain anonymous. The experiments may have been illegal, which is why the lab probably wants to cover them up.

PISCES

The fobia of animal you suffer from

will become worse. Animals will come out of nowhere and eat your food. There’s nothing you can do about it!

CANCER

Promotion is on his way! No more

working as a poo cleaner at the pet store, or counting lemons at the supermarket. Celebrate with some chocolate.

LIBRA

Don’t make any meal with meat this

month. Jupiter and Pluto are in line, meaning every animal that sees you preparing meat takes it personal.

SAGITARIUS

It’s better for you to avoid green food

this month. Also, don’t eat an uneven amount of cereal treats, baked, raw, boiled or fried eggs and don’t drink any shampoo.

SCORPIO

Better is it to words shuffle month is.

Ask don’t why, just Uranus that’s saying what is. It do just, okay?

LEO

Rawr! Release your inner roar and be

mad at everyone you wanted to for months! Feel the relieve and treat yourself with some cara-mel apples.

VIRGO

Your dog will find a great treasure, your

cat will pee on your doormat every day and your bird is loos-ing all his feathers this month. Don’t freak out, take it easy.

GEMINI

You will find a great amount of mon-

ey. If not, you will lose a great amount of money so another Gemini can find it. You may let your dog search with you.

TAURUS

Your horse needs some education.

If you ignore his eagerness to learn, Venus will release a comet aiming on your roof. Fire will be applied.

AQUARIUS

Your wish to learn to swim will come

true this month! Your house will flood while you’re sleeping so you have to get out swimming. Be sure to sleep in swimwear!

ARIES

You shouldn’t eat fish this month. Be-

cause if you do, your cat will get jealous and attack you right in your face. You don’t want that, do you?

CAPRICORN

Your head will ex-plode this month.

Or maybe not. Nobody can tell, it can happen to anyone to be honest. We’re a really sorry for scaring you.

PAGE 6 SUNSET VALLEY TIMES

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri

23° 23° 23° 23° 23°

N N N N N

9 3

3 1 7 6 2 9

7 9

3 6 4 2

9 3 1

5 1 3 8

8 9

1 9 2 8 6 5

3 5

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.58)

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/~jdhildeb/software/sudokugen/ on Mon Oct 31 18:46:47 2011 GMT. Enjoy!

HOROSCOPE

WEATHER SUDOKU

SPORTSRESULTS

It’s been a quiet month in sport here in Sunset Val-ley. The Llamas are busy working hard at their preparations for the next season, and no matches

are planned until a few months time. However, residents were invited to participate in a Vege-Grow contest next week-end.

The event has been dubbed as ‘athletic’ in na-ture, but nobody is quite sure how so that will be.