ISSUE #8 - FEbrUary 2011

‘Ladybug disease’ caus-es drama among elderly Sims

Despite their acknowledged danger, ladybugs are still allowed to walk around the neighbourhood

Cute little ladybugs cause serious infections

A curious new disease has been keeping old Sims off the streets since a few days. Scientists call it the ladybug disease, not because infected Sims change into ladybugs, but because ladybugs are the carriers of this illness.

The Sim who showed the first symptoms, was, not entirely coincidental, an old ladybug keeper who lives on the out-skirts of Sunset Valley. This man, Finn Sacked, used to hug his ladybugs every single day. When all of a sudden, he couldn’t do that anymore.

“He turned purple and yellow and green at the same time! He also looked like a chicken! But that’s OK, I like chicken. Oh and he has twenty-four toes now!” so his wife told us. When we found out her men-tal health was not the way it should be, we asked Sacked’s neighbour what happened.“His lips got all swollen up, that’s what happened! He also got this weird red color and some blackish dots on his face. No wait, that were lady-bugs. They seemed to like him even more than usual. And he scratched all the time, and not only his own body!”

Now, elderly Sims all over

town are not only scratching all the time, they also appear to have a fever. Luckily for them, they do not live with a load of ladybugs, so their faces are clean. But everyone agrees that even if the disease is not life threatening, it is still very annoying. Scientists are trying to find a cure, but use ladybugs while doing so, causing lots of protest from animal protection organisations.

The question is, who are more important to the people of Sunset Valley? The elderly or the ladybugs? Until we find the answer, we’d better pick butterflies as the cutest insects.

poopla8 70250 60903 8

New! Going out-side and use stuff!

Vampire claims to be ‘vegetarian’

Sim dates with treeSUNSET VALLEY – Sue*, a Sim in Sunset Valley, has start-ed a very interesting relation-ship. It’s not with another Sim, her cat or dog or even with her car. No those perfectly normal relationships weren’t good enough for Sue. Instead she started dating a tree. “I feel it truly understands me and it gives me love in return”. The odd couple already has wed-ding plans. “I will marry it underneath its own branches, isn’t that romantic?”.*Name is fictional for ano-nymity reasons!

Simnation: § 2.00

CONTENTSOpinions..............................................p2Community Voice.................................p3Weather...............................................p4Sudoku................................................p4Sports results......................................p4

SUNSET VaLLEy TIMESPaGE 2

Local woman marries town statueA woman’s engagement to the town symbol has led to controversy

Local woman Cathy Stokes is marrying the town statue. The divorcée extraordinaire claims the statue, which she calls Tom, proposed to her last week. ,,I was having a hard time getting over my latest divorce with Harry, a house-plant,” Stokes says. ,,I was an emotional wreck, but since the very day I met Tom in the park he was always there for me, willing to listen to my prob-lems and worries. We began to care for each other. And then Tom popped the question!”

News of the engagement of the self-proclaimed happy cou-ple led to mixed opinions and discussion amongst Sunset Valley residents. During the marriage ceremony, there was even a small protest against the wedding. ,,This time she has gone too far!”, one angry protester yelled. ,,Marrying a tree, or running off with my best friend’s garden gnome is one thing. But she has no right to touch our beloved town symbol!” A wedding guest thought dif-ferently and argued: ,,It’s true love that brought Cathy and Tom together, so why should these minor physical

differences keep them from marrying each other? It’s what’s on the inside that counts.”

In a press conference, city council stated prohibition of the marriage in question is ‘highly unlikely’, as ‘local law does not regard it as a criminal offence’.

Asked whether or not she planned to take her future hus-band’s name, Stokes replied: ,,Why, of course I am! I’m go-ing to forget about the past and start a new life as Mrs Cathy Statue. Me and Tom are stay-ing together forever!”

OPINIONSWeight lifting should be a course at schoolsWhat does our panel think of this argument?

Evil lamppost whisperer finally caughtSUNSET VALLEY - At last the police of Sunset Valley have managed to catch the infamous lamppost whisperer that has been harassing our city. Somehow this unique criminal was able to not only make lampposts walk around, but also make them damage trees, destroy buildings and yell at little children.Luckily for us citizens, there was this brave little hero called Lotta Guts, a girl who had been bullied by lantern poles several times. Wander-ing around the neighbourhood in the dark, she suddenly saw a silhouette near the mov-ing lampposts. She could not make out its face, but when an awful smell reached her nose, she knew it: “It’s my teacher, Mr Alan!”A patrolling police officer overheard this and arrested Alan Turn the next morning. Lotta received a lollypop for her excellent detective work.

Man brings ‘pet’ to cinemaSUNSET VALLEY – Many Sims witnessed something quite peculiar when paying a visit to the cinema yester-day. Walter Cartwell, all-time loner, bought two tickets, two popcorns, two cokes… but every Sim knows he has got no friends at all. He arrived late at the movie when the lights had already gone out, so nobody noticed what he had taken with him. People were shocked to find out that the an-noying sounds they were hear-ing during the whole movie were his pet pig’s grunting.

Stokes tries to keep her balance on the ten foot statue

Ted ThompsonMuscle Junkie

James Adley IIISr. Cricket player

Chad MoldheartMedieval Tour-guide

Wow that’s actually a great idea. Let everyone pump it up with some 5 pounders!

Why what a crazy idea. Those kids need to know how to ruin a govern-ment, not how to flex in front of a girl!

Well for a true knight, only the power of the sword is good enough! Though those swords can be rather heavy…

PaGE 3

0800-556-756

COMMUNITY VOICEWell hello there. My name is Chad Moldheart and I must say it’s the first time I’ve ever written to a news-paper. Quite frankly I’m not really sure whether or not this will arrive in time, as my pigeon is rather old. Alas I’ll prob-ably see, or maybe not.

I don’t really have anything to tell to you. Writ-ing this was more of a chance to use my feather and ink, as I haven’t touched both since the beginning of this era. Which is quite some time ago, I can tell you. Ah yes I remember it well. The king had just as-signed a new knight who needed to go fight the evil dragon. That monster…. The dragon I mean. I remember

that day quite vividly as it was also the day that the jester of our kingdom fell in a big jar

of wine. I can as-sure you, my dearest reader, he wasn’t too happy with that. All his clothes were wet and stank off wine. But like a true jester, he just laughed it off.And of course there is the wizard. He once tried to make

the king bald. It didn’t re-ally work the way it should though. Let’s just say that the phrase liar liar, robe on fire, originated in our kingdom.

Well I am almost out of ink I see. And I hear the king call-ing, so I better end this letter now. But how does one prop-erly end a letter? Let’s see… au revoir!

By Chad Moldheart

Last Sims finally cured from their cheese obsessionSUNSET VALLEY – A few months ago Sunset Valley was struck by a peculiar obsession with cheese. The last patients that were suffering from this ‘disease’ have finally been cured. ‘It was a terrible pe-riod, but I only came realise that now that I’m healthy. At the time I was very happy with my cheesy lifestyle,’ former cheese-lover Amanda Brown says.

Scientists have still not been able to find the exact cause for the craze, but they assume that the director of ‘The Cheese Company’, the main cheese distributor of Sunset Valley and surroundings, is involved in this case. His profits seem to have quadrupled in the past half year. ‘Don’t know what they’re talking about. I deserve every penny I have earned!’ director F.R. Omage says.

Stripper caught at the wrong houseMan mistakenly visits a retirement home to perform his ‘act’

SUNSET VALEY - Inhabit-ants of the twin pines retire-ment home were rudely in-terrupted during what was supposed to be quiet evening in. At approximately 10:30pm a man entered the common room in what appeared to be a fireman’s uniform. Some of the people in the room were shocked, expecting to be fire in the building. But they soon found out what the man’s real intentions were when he sud-denly jumped up on a table and started to do a dance while slowly stripping his clothes off. It didn’t take long before someone called the police and the man got arrested.Mrs. Fairfax was one of the people present in the common room. She tells us what hap-pened. “I was just doing some

knitting when this man stormed into the room. He looked like a fireman. I didn’t know why he was here of what his inten-tions were, but before I knew it he just jumped on the coffee table and started to take off his clothes! I was so shocked that I completely ruined my knitting while it happened!” Mrs. Merton, another inhab-itant, seemed to take it more lightly. “Well it was all quite sudden and it is quite rude to just jump in like that, but his little dance was actu-ally quite nice. I gave the boy some pennies to buy himself some ice-cream.” A police spokesman stated that it was all a big misunderstand-ing. Apparently the man, who didn’t want his name men-tioned in the newspaper, was supposed to go to a stag party across the street, but he got the wrong address. Eventually, He got off with a warning.

Inhabitants in total shock when a man was stripping on a coffee table

SUNSET VaLLEy TIMESPaGE 4

8 7 6

4 8 3

1 9

2 3 1 5 4

1 6 2 5

4 3 7 1 6

1 4

9 7 5

2 8 9

SUDOKU WEATHER FORECAST

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri

23° 23° 23° 23° 23°

N N N N N

SPORTS RESULTS

Last month saw the start of a new sporting year for the Lla-mas. After last year’s shock-ing performance, the Llamas certainly needed to up their game. Much to the excitement of fans, the first two games of the season ended in victory this month, both scores being 13-5 and 22-20 respectively.

The highlight of the month was definitely the miracle touchdown by Llama player Fred Henderson, who despite a severe ankle injury, suc-ceeded in scoring the winning touchdown just before time to land the team their second vic-tory of the year.

The up-coming fixture takes place next week against the Bridgeport Titans.

COLOPHONSunset Valley Times was created by:

BrandonDaan Dogna JolijnJordy

Jozza JVtjeMaartenSuzan Wouter

CLASSIFIEDS

For sale: Bread. I know, you can buy that at the supermar-ket or the bakery too, but that way I won’t get any money, will I? So do me a favour and buy my bread. My stall is at Old Pier Beach.

Lost: my sense of humour. Now, everything is boring. And no, that is not funny. Just help me get it back, please. I can be found at the theatre, trying to laugh about movies.

Found: a plastic bag. It might be worthless, but as far as I know, it could also be some-one’s most cherished posses-sion. So if anybody wants it, call me on 555-845716.

Wanted: A cowboy named Billy Bob. Apparently, he is a boy who looks like a cow. He also had mad cow disease and might therefore be a danger to society. Please bring him to the police office.

Lost: weight. I lost more than 40 pounds by eating nothing! See Mom, I told you I could do it! Now, would you please let me get back in the house?

For sale: painted apples. It’s boring to eat red apples all the time, so I painted some apples yellow, green and purple. I’m not sure if the paint’s poison-ous, but the apples look tastier now anyway. Go to Colourap-plicious to buy them!