58 Coaching the Alpha MaleKate Ludeman and Eddie Erlandson

70 The HBR InterviewEliot Spitzer: How to Restore the Fiduciary RelationshipLouise O’Brien

78 Learning to Lead at ToyotaSteven J. Spear

92 The Risky Business of Hiring StarsBoris Groysberg, Ashish Nanda, and Nitin Nohria

102 Building Better BoardsDavid A. Nadler

18 Forethought

33 HBR Case StudyOil and WasserByron Reimus

49 Different Voice Passion for Detail:A Conversation with Thoroughbred Trainer D. Wayne Lukas

122 First PersonTelling Tales Stephen Denning

131 Best Practice Can Absence Make a Team Grow Stronger? Ann Majchrzak et al.

148 Executive Summaries

155 Panel Discussion

Tame the

Beast

May 2004

www.hbr.org

…page 58

Leadership at Toyota…page 78 How to Stop Suite Crime…page 70

ighly intelligent, confident, and successful,alpha males represent about 70% of all seniorexecutives. As the label implies, they’re the people

who aren’t happy unless they’re the top dogs – the onescalling the shots. Although there are plenty of successfulfemale leaders with equally strong personalities, we’vefound top women rarely if ever match the completealpha profile. (See the sidebar “What About Alpha Fe-males?”) Alphas reach the top ranks in large organiza-tions because they are natural leaders – comfortablewith responsibility in a way nonalphas can never be.Most people feel stress when they have to make im-portant decisions; alphas get stressed when tough de-cisions don’t rest in their capable hands. For them,being in charge delivers such a thrill, they willinglytake on levels of responsibility most rational peoplewould find overwhelming. In fact, it’s hard to imag-ine the modern corporation without alpha leaders.

Then why do so many of them need executive coaches?As it turns out, alphas’ quintessential strengths are also

what make them so challenging, and often frustrating, towork with. Independent and action oriented, alphas takeextraordinarily high levels of performance for granted,both in themselves and in others. As one business jour-nalist observed after meeting Jack Welch and Andy Grove

58 Copyright © 2004 by Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation. All rights reserved.

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Coachingthe Alpha

Bold, self-confident, and demanding,

alpha males get things done. But the

traits that make them so productive

can also drive their coworkers crazy.

may 2004 59

in a single week,“Jeez, are they impressive and stimulat-ing! But am I glad I don’t work for them.”

The alphas we’ve worked with think very fast, and thisrapid processing can prevent them from listening to oth-ers – especially those who don’t communicate in alpha-speak. Their impatience can cause them to miss subtle butimportant details. Alphas, moreover, have opinions abouteverything, and they rarely admit that those opinionsmight be wrong or incomplete. Early in life, alphas realizethat they are smarter than most people, smarter perhapsthan even their parents and teachers; as adults they be-lieve that their insights are unique and so put completefaith in their instincts.

Because their intuitions are so often proven right, al-phas feel justified in focusing on the flaws in other peo-ple’s ideas or arguments. As a result, coworkers get intim-idated, which makes learning from alphas difficult. Themore pressure an alpha feels to perform,the more he tendsto shift his leadership style from constructive and chal-lenging to intimidating or even abusive. Organizationsbecome dysfunctional when people avoid dealing with adifficult alpha and instead work around him or simply payhim lip service.

Unemotional and analytical in their cognitive style, al-phas are eager to learn about business, technology, and

Maleby Kate Ludeman and Eddie Erlandson

“things”but have little or no natural curiosity about peopleor feelings. They rely on exhaustive data to reach businessconclusions but often make snap judgments about otherpeople, which they hold on to tenaciously. Because theybelieve that paying attention to feelings, even their own,detracts from getting the job done, they’re surprisinglyoblivious to the effect they have on others. They’re judg-mental of colleagues who can’t control emotions yet oftenfail to notice how they vent their own anger and frustra-tion. Or they dismiss their own outbursts, arguing that thesame rules shouldn’t apply to the top dog.

The more executive authority alphas achieve, the morepressure they feel and the more pronounced their faultscan become. (See the exhibit “When Strengths Become

Weaknesses.”) Alphas make perfect midlevel managers,where their primary role is to oversee processes. But asthey approach CEO level, they’re expected to become in-spirational people managers. Unfortunately, most orga-nizations aren’t good at helping alphas make the requiredtransition, which can be the greatest challenge of theircareers.

Alphas require skilled coaches because it’s difficult forthem to ask for help or even to acknowledge that theyneed it. They’re typically stubborn and resistant to feed-back. After all, they haven’t gotten where they are bybeing self-reflective. As much as they love talking aboutaccountability, they often fail to see that their own com-munication style, rather than someone else’s shortcom-ings, is what’s creating the roadblock. They’re uncomfort-able showing vulnerability or taking a break from constantaction. The coaching process can make them feel unpro-ductive and out of control.

But effective executive coaching enhances individualcapabilities; it doesn’t remake the alpha into an unrec-ognizable powder puff. The coach’s challenge is to pre-serve an alpha’s strengths while correcting his weak-nesses. Coaches shouldn’t undermine the alpha’s focuson results; they should improve the process for achievingthem. For the alpha, that distinction is of paramountimportance.

In 2001, Dell embodied the corporate alpha archetype;its tough culture was all about getting results. But as the

company matured and the tech industry faced its worstdownturn, then CEO Michael Dell and president Kevin Rol-lins felt a need to change how the organization achievedits industry-leading results. They wanted to improve team-work between the two of them and other senior execu-tives, and they aimed to develop a more mature and wel-coming corporate culture.

Michael and Kevin were respected throughout the orga-nization for their intellectual acumen and superior judg-ment. But they were also considered demanding and, attimes, intimidating. Not surprisingly, most general man-agers at Dell were cut from the same cloth and exhibitedclassic alpha leadership styles. Given their deeply analyticnatures, Michael and Kevin began the change process by

collecting data–inviting us in to con-duct 360-degree interviews acrossthe entire Dell executive team. Thiswas not the first time that Dell hadengaged us in executive coaching,but it was a more intense and fo-cused process, driven by extraordi-nary commitment from the top.

Receiving critical feedback is never easy, but at Dell ithas become an important part of the culture. Michael andKevin set an example for other leaders by accepting diffi-cult messages from their team and making visible com-mitments to the coaching and improvement process. The360 feedback helped Kevin realize that his image asoverly critical and opinionated was hindering his abilityto inspire the organization. People thought he wasn’t lis-tening because he jumped in so quickly with his own sug-gestions, instead of building on their ideas. In his effortsto help his general managers improve their business per-formance, he was making it difficult for them to appreci-ate his input.

Michael, for his part, came to see that his intense ana-lytic focus at times made him seem remote and “transac-tional”– even to his most-valued colleagues. Through the360 process, he learned that his people found him hard toread and craved more direct feedback. He was surprisedto hear that his attitude of “celebrating for a nanosecond”had made people feel they were only as valuable as thelast quarter’s results. Michael and Kevin also receivedfeedback that tension between the two of them was caus-ing anxiety in the executive team–something no one hadbeen willing to tell them previously.

They resolved to improve their individual and jointleadership of Dell by agreeing to make only those majormoves they both supported and to take their relationshipfrom “good enough” to “great.” As a symbol of this com-

60 harvard business review

Coaching the Alpha Male

Kate Ludeman is the founder and CEO of Worth Ethic in Carpinteria, California. Eddie Erlandson is a senior vice presidentat Worth Ethic, and the former chief of staff at St. Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Together they have coachedmore than 1,000 senior executives. They are the authors of Radical Change, Radical Results (Dearborn Trade Publishing,2003). They can be reached through their Web site, www.worthethic.com.

Wow, these are people I deeply respect

and they think that about me?

mitment, they built adjoining offices separated by a glassdoor that’s always open. They now use humorous remind-ers to get each other’s attention. Michael gave Kevin asmiling toy bulldozer and asked Kevin to place it on hisdesk whenever he felt Michael was trying to plow overhim. Kevin got a Curious George stuffed animal to remindhimself to become more inquiring and open to other peo-ple’s ideas.

What started almost three years ago with a top-downpersonal commitment to change has subsequently en-hanced organizational goals, modified the profile of theideal Dell general manager, and launched a culture ini-tiative called the “soul of Dell.” Michael and Kevin, alongwith all Dell senior executives, receive 360-degree feed-back on a regular basis, ensuring that the data collectedare as fresh and objective as possible.

Alpha Coaching Traps Like most alphas, Michael and Kevin needed help to stepoutside the constraints of their style and see themselvesas others do. But alphas require a certain kind of coach-ing. The executive coach best suited to alphas has lots ofexperience handling superstars and standing up to bullies.The coach doesn’t have to be an alpha, but it helps toshare characteristics such as an analytic orientation and adirect style of communication. When executive coachesfail to help alphas and their organizations, it’s often be-cause they fall into one of three traps–each of which canstop the process cold.

First, some coaches make the mistake of playing “looseand light”–that is, they come across as too passive, simplyreacting anecdotally to the alpha by falling back on their

may 2004 61

Coaching the Alpha Male

Ask people to identify alpha males in their workplace, and they’ll readilyproduce a list. But ask them if theywork with any alpha females, andthey’ll look confused. Are those thereally smart women? The ones whoare best at getting things done? Or arethey the bossy ones? It’s easy to iden-tify successful female leaders but oftenharder to categorize them. In our workwith senior executives, we’ve encoun-tered many women who possess someof the traits of the alpha male, butnone who possess all of them.

Women can be just as data drivenand opinionated as alpha males andcan cope with stress equally well, butthe vast majority of women place morevalue on interpersonal relationshipsand pay closer attention to people’sfeelings. Women at the top are gener-ally comfortable with control and beingin charge, but they don’t seek to domi-nate people and situations as alphamales do. Although equally talented,ambitious, and hardheaded, they oftenrise to positions of authority by excel-ling at collaboration, and they are lessinclined to resort to intimidation to

get what they want. Female leaders are more likely to use a “velvet ham-mer,” tending to express orders as polite suggestions.

Like alpha males, some female lead-ers do have problems with anger andbullying, and they can be defensiveand resistant to criticism. However, thecorporate environment – and society asa whole – is much less tolerant of thesecharacteristics in women than in men.So, far fewer women with these ten-dencies ever reach executive positions.

Top women can be just as challeng-ing to coach as alpha males. Both have been extremely successful withtheir particular styles, which makes itdifficult for them to see the need forchange. But because women morereadily understand the importance ofpositive motivation and the limita-tions of fear-driven cultures, they areless likely to avoid interpersonal is-sues. They may not enjoy delving intothe touchy-feely zones any more thanalpha males do, but they are more willing to because they understandthat inspiring and motivating peopleare just as important as pursuing theright idea.

Like their male counterparts, mostpowerful women follow distinct behav-ioral patterns – but these patterns canbe harder to recognize. When dealingwith female leaders, you need to look

for telling signs, just as you do withalpha males. Often stung by criticalfeedback early in their careers, manywomen avoid criticizing others in aneffort to keep people’s spirits high.Coming across as more affirming andvalidating than male alphas, they canlull their direct reports into believingthat all is well when it is not. Then theirreports feel blindsided when they findout that their positions are in jeopardyand they hadn’t been given a chance tocorrect problems before it was too late.

Female leaders are less comfortablewith conflict, while alpha males thriveon it. When the alpha male doesn’t likesomething, he states it loud and clear.A female leader can be less willing toforce an issue publicly if she doesn’tanticipate quick assent. Being more interested in collaborating and findingwin-win solutions, she’ll happily de-bate an idea until someone’s emotionsare triggered, at which point she’llback down rather than press towardresolution. This indirect style of com-munication is often misinterpreted bymale peers; in fact, some of our femaleclients have been accused by peers ofbeing political and having hiddenagendas. A woman leader should beaware that her indirect style can en-gender distrust among certain kinds of men. What she calls diplomacy, hecalls politics.

What About A lpha Females ?

own nonexecutive experience and perspective. Alphasaren’t loose and light people, and they won’t see the coachwho acts this way as either credible or relevant. After all,thinks the alpha, the kind of person who becomes an ex-ecutive coach is far too nice and touchy-feely to ever un-derstand what it really takes to deliver results. If an alphabelieves his coach plans to turn him into an oversensi-tive wimp (which he knows better than anyone is the lastthing his organization needs!), he’ll never give the coacha chance.

A second trap coaches fall into is excessive secrecy.Coaches understandably want to maintain a high degreeof confidentiality during their work. Some think that theway to get an alpha to open up is to reassure him that noone else in the organization will find out about his vul-nerabilities. By attempting to protect the client, a coachcan unwittingly create an organizational black hole: Mucheffort goes into it; nothing ever seems to come out. But it’simportant not to operate in a vacuum. Only by seekinginput from coworkers can the coach truly understand theissues surrounding the alpha’s behavior. And only by talk-ing openly about his commitment to change can the alphaturn around the pervasive organizational distrust he hascreated.

Coworkers must be included in the coaching processbecause lasting improvement requires the entire systemto evolve. In many companies, coworkers are advised tomanage around the alpha’s behavior, which inadvertentlyenables and perpetuates the undesirable patterns. But asmuch as coworkers may have hated the behavior thealpha is learning to modify, at least it was predictable.When the alpha’s behavior begins to change as a resultof coaching, he becomes unpredictable. This can be terri-

bly unsettling to colleagues unless they are included inthe coaching process.

Possessing both intimidating personalities and genuinepower, alphas expect the world to show them appropri-ate deference. But coaches should avoid the third trap –kowtowing–at all costs.This can be the difference betweenestablishing a constructive relationship or an irrelevantone. It was with George Allen, former deputy commanderof the Defense Supply Center Philadelphia, a $10 billionbusiness unit of the Defense Logistics Agency. George is atypical alpha male.At one of our first meetings,he chargedinto the room, ignoring our outstretched hands, and an-nounced, “Let’s not waste my time and yours. I’ve beenlike this for 30 years, and it’s highly unlikely I’ll change.”

Instead of trying to politely persuade him to sit downand review the organizational feedback we’d broughtwith us, we said,“Fine. You’re busy, and we could certainlyuse the four hours to do other work. Let’s not waste yourtime or ours, if you don’t want to make any changes.” Westarted to close the big binder filled with brightly coloredgraphs mapping out his strengths and weaknesses.“Wait!”he commanded.“What’s that?”That shift in interest was ourfirst step toward establishing an effective coaching process.

The Right Way to Coach Any executive with interpersonal problems has probablygotten feedback about them many times before we comealong–so either he’s never fully understood the problemsor he just doesn’t see any advantage to changing. Over thepast 14 years, we have refined the process of coaching al-phas to account for their personality quirks and help themsee why they need to change their behavior.

62 harvard business review

Coaching the Alpha Male

Alpha Attribute Value to Organization Risk to Organization

When Strengths Become Weaknesses

Self-confident and opinionated

Highly intelligent

Action oriented

High performance expectations for himself and others

Direct communication style

Highly disciplined

Unemotional

Is closed minded, domineering,and intimidating

Dismisses or demeans colleagues who disagree with him

Is impatient; resists process changesthat might improve results

Is constantly dissatisfied; fails to appreciate and motivate others

Generates fear and a gossip-filled,CYA culture of compliance

Has unreasonable expectations of self and others; misses signs of burnout

Is difficult to connect with; doesn’t inspire teams

Acts decisively; has good intuition

Sees beyond the obvious; takescreative leaps

Produces results

Sets and achieves high goals

Moves people to action

Is extraordinarily productive; findstime and energy for a high level of work and fitness

Is laser focused and objective

Get his attention. The best way to capture the alphamale’s attention is with data–copious, credible, consistentdata. That’s why we always get 360-degree feedback onour clients. We interview all the alpha’s direct reports, ahalf-dozen high potentials reporting to his direct reports,all of his business unit peers, and anyone in the organiza-tion with whom he competes. Our goal is to provide un-deniable proof that his behavior (to which he is much at-tached) doesn’t work nearlyas well as he thinks it does.We let the data shape ourquestions. If we’re told he is apoor communicator, for in-stance, we press for specifics:Does he interrupt people? Ishe vague? Does he not listen?Does he fail to share information? Then we ask about theimpact of his poor communication skills: How does hisrapid-fire style affect your work?

A 360-degree assessment is a wake-up call for most al-phas. They say,“Wow, these are people I deeply respect –strong performers–and they think that about me? I can’tbelieve they’re afraid to push back or that they think I’mstubborn and closed to their opinions.”

Demand his commitment. Once we get the alpha’s at-tention in this way, we have the leverage we need to makehim address unpleasant issues. Because he is both practi-cal and driven, if you can show him an easier way to pro-duce immediate results, he will typically embrace it. Butbefore we go any further, we insist on the alpha’s fullcommitment to the change process. We clarify his inten-tion with two simple questions: Do you want to change?and Are you willing to do whatever it takes, including al-lowing us to help you?

We wait until we get a clear yes or no, pointing out anynonverbal cues that imply he isn’t committed (like sayingyes while shaking his head no). If the answer’s no, wedon’t continue. Trying to work with a defensive leaderwho isn’t committed to change only wastes our time andhis company’s money.

Speak his language. Since alphas think in charts,graphs, and metrics, for maximum impact, we present ourdata that way – in alphaspeak. We turn the feedback col-lected from 360-degree interviews into metrics and theninundate the alpha with quantitative data to make surehe values the information enough to act on it. The exhibit“Communicating in Alphaspeak” summarizes in a barchart verbatim responses to 360-degree feedback, illus-trating in a powerfully visual way the risks inherent inone individual alpha’s style. He immediately can see hisareas of strength highlighted in green and the areas re-quiring improvement in red.

Hit him hard enough to hurt. After delivering the 360-degree feedback in graphical form, we review and discussthe verbatim comments from his coworkers, organized

into competencies and themes. The alpha might be con-fronted with statements like,“He’s brilliant, but he doesn’tknow a thing about people”; “We feel as though we’ve allbeen raked over the coals”; and “His need to engage in intel-lectual sparring and always prove he’s right alienates theteam.” We deliberately preserve the emotionally loadedlanguage we’ve heard to help the alpha realize the con-sequences of his behavior. Many alphas have been dishing

out feedback with a two-by-four throughout their careers,and our process turns the tables on them.Since they believein “no pain,no gain,”they respond remarkably well to hard-hitting language. We regulate the level of pain, keeping ithigh enough to get their full attention but also presentingthe changes as attainable. This is the point at which lip ser-vice frequently gives way to genuine understanding. Oneof our first alpha clients summed it up memorably: “It’slike I’ve got interpersonal B.O.! I just never understooduntil now how bad it was.”

Engage his curiosity and competitive instincts. Bluntfeedback invariably triggers defensiveness. The alpha gen-erally believes that everyone else gets defensive, whereashe simply speaks the truth. We point out signs of his owndefensiveness and show him how this mind-set preventshim from learning. Another alpha metric tool, the De-fensiveness-Openness Scale, has proven highly effective inengaging the competitive instincts of alpha leaders. (Seethe exhibit “How Defensive Are You?”) Defensive behav-iors like delivering long-winded explanations, expressingsubtle blame, or trying to figure out who made a particu-lar comment all earn poor marks. Asking the alpha tomonitor his own defensiveness motivates him to see howquickly he can catch himself and shift into a more openframe of mind.

Five Steps Toward Alpha GrowthTo change, the alpha must become more aware of his ownmotivations, more open to his peers’ contrary opinions,and more comfortable with public challenge. He alsomust learn to deliver feedback that’s useful rather thantraumatic. When coaching an alpha client, we focus onfive goals that will help him become a motivational leaderof high-performing teams.

Admit vulnerability. In our experience, when an alphaadmits he is afraid or asks for help, the impact on his teamis profoundly positive. So it is a key milestone when analpha expresses a fear or exposes a vulnerability.

may 2004 63

Coaching the Alpha Male

I just never understood how bad it was.It’s like I’ve got interpersonal B.O. !

Dell’s corporate culture began to change when MichaelDell and Kevin Rollins shared the results of their 360s withtheir executive team and, eventually, with thousands ofDell managers. Disclosing their imperfections was an un-comfortable stretch for them, but that action humanizedthem in the eyes of the team and made them more inspi-rational to the rest of the organization.

As one general manager recently commented: “BecauseMichael and Kevin have shared their feedback with us, weare all sharing our results with our own teams. We’ve allbecome more open, which builds camaraderie and trust.Knowing the changes my colleagues are attempting tomake in their leadership styles also makes it easier for meto point out behaviors that irk me. After someone dis-closes that he periodically lobs grenades into meetingsbut intends to stop, we all have permission to call him onit. And we do.”

It’s natural for the alpha to want coaching and feed-back to remain private. But the motivations of his col-leagues can’t be ignored. Some people might want to set-tle the score, others may be expecting the alpha to finallyacknowledge all their hard work, and some may evenwant the soap opera to continue. Public disclosure helpsclear the air, enabling the entire organization to moveforward.

When an alpha discloses the traits he’s working to im-prove, it helps convince his team that he’s serious aboutchanging. Questions from the alpha like “How can I sup-port you?,”“How can I connect better with you?,”or “Howcan I lead you more effectively?” address old grudges in

new ways, opening a whole new dialogue across the or-ganization. The stronger and more dominant the execu-tive, the more powerful the impact of disclosure.

Accept accountability. Alphas tend to feel very account-able for their own performance, but they have difficultyaccepting responsibility for their impact on other people’sperformance. We’ve never found an alpha – or anyoneelse, for that matter – who doesn’t try to shift the blamefor performance problems to someone else. The blame isoften subtle, but as long as it remains under the surface,problems won’t get corrected. In fact, until the alpha ac-cepts ownership for his share of a problem, it simply won’tgo away.

When thinking about accountability, we suggest that alphas use the “rule of three”: If a problem occurs justonce–for example, if someone on his team misses one sig-nificant deadline–it might very well be that another per-son is solely responsible. But if it happens three times–if,say, the same individual misses three deadlines or threedifferent people miss significant deadlines – then thealpha must take some responsibility and ask himself whathe should be doing differently.

Alphas frequently pin a pejorative label on a skill theydon’t possess to sidestep accountability. One alpha client,for example, used “politics” as his excuse for not accom-plishing certain goals. We helped him see that it wasn’tpolitics – the real problem was that he had only one toolto get what he wanted: the hammer.“Politics”was a smokescreen for not knowing how to persuade people to changetheir opinions.

64 harvard business review

Coaching the Alpha Male

Communicating in AlphaspeakSince alphas are highly data oriented, we give them feedback they can easily relate to.

This chart began as 50 pages of comments collected from 35 different people about a single

alpha male during his 360-degree assessment. We organized the feedback into key themes

and competencies, then plotted the responses graphically. The alpha can see at a glance

what his colleagues think his strengths (greens) and weaknesses (reds) are, helping him

focus first on the areas where he most needs improvement.

Business leadership

Vision and strategy

Drive for results

Problem solving

Empowerment and delegation

Coaching and mentoring

Motivating performance

Collaborating with peers

Integrity and trust

Serious risk

Development area

Warning

Neutral

Improved

Strength

0% 5% 10% 15% 20% 25%

percentage of comments

Presentations that take too long to get to the pointare a pet peeve of alphas, who often read ahead, assumethey already understand the key points, and interruptpresenters before they can communicate their infor-mation adequately. Rather than sympathize with thealpha’s impatience, we point out that it is the leader’sjob to teach his team how to present information ap-propriately. We help the alpha distinguish betweenblaming and claiming his share of the responsibility.If he finds himself complaining that meetings taketoo long and don’t stay on track, for instance, weask him to look at how he is wasting time andhave him consider what additional coaching orguidance he might give his organization tocorrect those problems. If he feels frustratedthat others don’t understand the gravityof a problem, we ask him if he has com-municated in a way that mobilizes ac-tion. When he becomes angry becausepeers won’t modify a past decisioneven to avert a huge problem, we askhim if he has expressed his views in a way that makes peoplewant to help him. Whenhe feels the need to criti-cize an approach or pro-cess, we encourage him in-stead to contribute his ownideas. The most powerfulstep the alpha can take is toassume that whatever getscreated “out there” is the di-rect result of something hehas done (or failed to do) and is not simply somebodyelse’s fault.

Paradoxical as it may sound, when a leader admits he’swrong and needs to change, he comes across as more con-fident and courageous than when he insists he’s right.That’s what U.S. Rear Admiral Dan McCarthy, head of theNaval Supply Systems Command, found when he askedus to help him improve communications flow in light ofnew challenges created by Operation Enduring Freedom.A big man with a forceful personality, the admiral initiallyresponded to feedback delivered in a group meeting of 30 of his senior executives with a lengthy explanation andjustification. But he caught himself and publicly acknowl-edged his defensiveness, taking full responsibility for theproblem and the way his style contributed to it. Initiallyastonished, his team members quickly began to followhis example, identifying ways they each could improvecommunications.

Connect with underlying emotions. The alpha doesn’tlike emotions because they cannot be controlled. He be-lieves they impede logic and impair decision making. Hewill acknowledge that they play a role in motivating cer-

may 2004 65

tain kinds of people in, say, a sales rally. But they don’tplay much of a role in motivating him, which makes himdistrust them. Ironically, though, the alpha is often teem-ing with unacknowledged emotions that in reality cloudhis judgment. He tends to be out of touch with his feel-ings until they erupt in anger. And beneath that angeroften lurk other emotions. Sometimes it’s fear that hiscompany might take the wrong path; sometimes it’s dis-appointment that he hasn’t guided his team more effec-tively. Such subliminal fear and anxiety can be a real prob-lem for alphas, because these feelings may be confusedwith intuition. (Is that flurry in the belly anxiety or a pre-scient intuition that something is off?) So it’s importantfor alphas to learn to distinguish intuition from anxiety.

Our coaching focuses on getting the alpha to recognizehis underlying emotions while they are still at the niggling,flurry-in-the-gut level, long before the big eruption occurs.Tying emotions to physical sensations makes the processseem more concrete. If we can help the alpha feel an emo-tion more fully, it is less likely to burst out at inappropri-ate moments. If the alpha can tell when his feelings arebeginning to intensify,he can channel them constructivelyand avoid a temper tantrum.

An expanded

version of good

job usually

isn’t enough to

motivate people.

”

“

Coaching the Alpha Male

Balance positive with critical feedback. Alphas feeluncomfortable both giving and receiving praise, and theyare adamant about not appearing soft. A strong manager,they say, is comfortable “telling it like it is.” As a result,about 80% of the conversations an alpha leader has withhis team will contain critical comments.

Underlying the alpha’s reluctance to express appreci-ation is a self-perception that he does not require, or re-spond to, positive feedback. We help the alpha see thatpeople reflexively react to criticism with defensivenessand resistance, whereas a balance of positive and negativefeedback is more likely to motivate people to change. Wedon’t try to replace all of an alpha’s criticisms with vali-dation; we want him to use both.

A brilliant alpha executive we recently coached has anuncanny ability to identify what’s missing in a businesssolution. This has led his teams to scores of technologi-cal breakthroughs, and yet it wasn’t enough to inspire in-

dividual performance or the commitment of his people.After many coaching sessions, we began to notice that,although he was generally open to our ideas and willingto take action, we weren’t having much fun working withhim. His lack of feedback or acknowledgment was dis-couraging, even to us.

When we shared that insight with him, he was dumb-founded.“But I’m spending all this time with you.I wouldn’tbe doing that if I didn’t think I was getting a lot out of it.”His words made sense, but what had seemed obvious tohim was not obvious to us. He realized then that his ten-dency to criticize rather than validate was triggering self-doubt and fear in his most valuable team members. So hemade a list of what he appreciated about each person onhis team – not task-specific feedback but comments morereflective of each individual’s overall talents and contri-butions – and shared them publicly. His team now enjoysan esprit they’ve never had before.

Jim Gibbons, president and CEO of the NationalIndustries for the Blind, is the rare alpha who easilyexpresses appreciation. In an off-site team-buildingexercise, he wanted his entire executive team to ex-perience the power of praise. So we asked all pres-ent to note their energy levels before and after a20-minute period in which each of them expressedappreciation to everyone in the room. Though du-bious, the team complied. At the end of the exer-cise, to universal surprise, everyone reported higherlevels of energy and optimism. Every team we workwith reports similar results.

Since the alpha tends to think everyone else isjust like him, he often worries that people willequate praise with manipulation. He fears that ifhe tells people they’re doing well, it will go to theirheads, they’ll stop working so hard, and they mighteven want more money. We help the alpha identifyhis fears about showing appreciation by havinghim complete two sentences:

• When people give me appreciation, I often thinkthat ____________________.

• If I gave someone appreciation, I would be afraidthat ___________________.

Then we work with him to identify barriers heputs up against receiving appreciation. These caninclude discounting, deflecting, putting himselfdown, explaining, distracting, joking, and counter-ing by returning a compliment.Finally,we help himlearn to express appreciation effectively. An ex-panded version of “good job” usually isn’t enoughto motivate people. We tell the client to list all thepeople on his team, as well as all the peers he de-pends on for his success. Then we ask him to writeout what he values in each person. For maximumimpact, such feedback must be genuine and spe-

66 harvard business review

Coaching the Alpha Male

How Defensive Are You?

Plan the change, engage others, set milestones, and implement.

Communicate genuine enthusiasm about making a change.

Think out loud, making new associations about the problem.

Take full responsibility for the problem and its ramifications.

Request information and examples about the problem.

Openly wonder about your role in creating the problem.

Express genuine curiosity about the issue and how to resolve it.

Express appreciation for the messenger, regardless of delivery.

Summarize key points without interjecting your own thoughts.

Look interested, breathe, demonstrate an open posture.

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Many alphas think that looking interested when someone

speaks to them demonstrates a high degree of openness

when, in fact, that’s just the bare minimum one must do

not to be labeled defensive. Alphas can use this tool to chart

their progress toward a more constructive state of mind

and to see how their behavior appears to others.

Highly Defensive

Show polite interest while inwardly preparing your rebuttal.

Provide a detailed explanation of your point of view.

Justify actions with compelling logic and an interpretation of events.

Interrupt to give your perspective.

Interpret comments as attacks and feel misunderstood.

Convince them that you’re right and they’re wrong.

Make snippy replies and show your irritation nonverbally.

Blame or complain about someone who’s not present.

Intimidate or attack the messenger.

Appear to comply, with no intention of doing what you say you’ll do.

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Breakthrough: choosing curiosity over being right

Highly Open

cific. It must explain how the person’s performance helpsthe alpha and the business. The alpha then must expresshis positive feelings to the individual, restating his appre-ciation several times–with different wordings–so that theperson really “gets it.”

Become aware of patterns. David was an inspiring andinsightful CEO, but he also had a temper problem. He wasusually warm and easy to connect with, but in tense meet-ings, he would invariably become angry and flushed andspeak in a sharp, staccato tone that intimidated people,even though he never raised his voice. To help David be-come aware of this destructive behavior pattern,we lookedfor its roots. We asked him to recall the first time he everreacted in this way, and he remembered being four yearsold and hitting his six-year-old brother over the head afterhis brother stole one of David’s toys for the hundredthtime. And his brother never did it again. David roaredwith laughter when he realized he’d basically been usingthe same pattern ever since. He acknowledged that thisapproach was unlikely to motivate his senior executives.

People tend to slip into a whole set of dramatic, pre-dictable roles that spring from the family and school dy-namics in which they grew up. Many interpersonal prob-lems in the workplace stem from people subconsciouslygluing a family member’s image onto a coworker. Thealpha may look like a demanding father to a junior man-ager or spark sibling rivalry in a peer. Almost no one is im-mune to these subtle family dynamics at work. They createthe behind-the-scenes lobbying, venting, and complainingthat characterize so many organizations.

We both see and are seen through our personas–throughthe roles we see ourselves playing or the roles others seeus in. They act like distorted lenses and color the world ac-cording to their needs.The Rebel reflexively sees the worldas full of people to be acted against. The Driver thinks theworld needs supervision and discipline. The Jock viewsothers as either winners or losers. Our projections inter-twine with the projections of others, so authentic con-nection and communication become nearly impossible.

To get around this problem, we tell the alpha that anyextreme behavior or recurring pattern signifies that he’sfallen into one of his personas. By giving the personasnames and revealing how they work, we can begin tomake the alpha more conscious of his behavior. Bulldoz-ers, for instance, will plow through people if they thinkthat’s what’s needed to get the right thing done. Some oftheir team members then become complaining Victims,who withhold good ideas because they don’t want to getrun over by the Bulldozer.

Getting team members to give up these unproductivepersonas is a by-product of coaching the alpha. An execu-tive team at a Fortune 500 pharmaceutical company,which had been extensively coached on personas, was de-bating whether to go ahead with a new acquisition. As theintensity of the discussion escalated, the group split into

polarized camps. The CEO and COO pushed hard for theacquisition, while more conservative executives heldback. The room crackled with tension. Suddenly the CFO,a large, gruff man, commanded the attention of the roomby waving his arms and bellowing,“Mr. Rant and Rave isabout to show up, and I can’t stop him!”

Laughter instantly broke the tension. By naming one of his own dreaded personas, he masterfully stepped be-yond it. His self-awareness cleared the way for the groupto review facts with a cool head. As a result, the CEO aban-doned his Wheeler-Dealer persona, and the CEO and COOconceded their original position, thus avoiding a risky ac-quisition. Had the unconscious version of Mr. Rant andRave appeared, no one would have laughed. The otherteam members would have escalated the drama,tuned himout, or disappeared, and the meeting’s objectives wouldhave been forgotten. Instead, his awareness and honestyspurred others to let go of their defenses and move towarda constructive resolution.

What to Expect from Coaching Prospective clients routinely ask how long the coachingprocess takes and what kinds of interim results they canexpect. The answer varies widely, depending on factorslike how broad the organizational involvement is in thecoaching process, how committed the individual is to it,and how fully the culture of the company accepts it. Forsome alphas, 360-degree feedback followed by a half dayof coaching and a few phone calls are all that’s needed fornoticeable change. Alphas who are less self-aware usuallyneed a half day of coaching sessions a month for three to12 months.

Changes in behavior typically begin to show in three tosix months, as the client harvests low-hanging fruit fromour initial coaching efforts. Sustained changes take abouta year. But the goal of coaching is to change the entireteam dynamic, not simply to treat the alpha as an indi-vidual problem. After two years, an organization can bewell on its way to transformation, with a dysfunctionaland combative executive team turning into a collabora-tive and trusting one.

The alpha’s time and attention span are limited, and it’snot unusual for him at the beginning of the process to payonly lip service to the coaching objectives and avoid fullycommitting himself to the required behavioral changes.He needs to identify appropriate situations where he canbegin to apply the new tools and approaches. Once analpha gets to this point, you can count on him to followthrough. As he begins to see the results of his behavioralchanges, he initiates a powerful cycle that reverberatesthroughout the entire organization.

Reprint r0405cTo place an order, call 1-800-988-0886.

may 2004 67

Coaching the Alpha Male

Eddie Erlandsoncoaches executives totransform entrenchedleadership habits,especially leaders whoneed to make theirstyle more inspiring ormore trustworthy. Asan accomplishedphysician, Eddiedraws on his knowl-edge of the physiologi-cal aspects of change,

he's also developed a strategies from competing inendurance sports that he applies to leadership.He's worked with executive teams across a number of industries, including consumer prod-ucts, education, government, high tech, medicalcare, pharmaceutical, and the military.

Previously, Eddie served as Chief of Staff at St.Joseph Mercy Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan,where he also practiced as a vascular surgeon forover 20 years and co-directed a wellness program.

Kate Ludeman, PhDKate, a widely recognized executivecoach, speaker andauthor, founded WorthEthic Corporation in1988. Her BS in engi-neering and PhD in psychology give her aunique approach whenworking with analyti-cal, data-orientedexecutives, who wantto expand their emo-

tional intelligence and create company cultureswhere people perform at their peak. Kate hasworked with over 1,000 senior executives in awide range of industries. She has coached executives globally on all major continents.

Previously, she was vice president of humanresources for a high-tech Silicon Valley company.Her books include The Worth Ethic, Earn WhatYou’re Worth, The Corporate Mystic (now in its11th printing).

309 W. Main St, Suite 116Round Rock, TX 78664 • 512-493-2300info@worthethic.com • www.worthethic.com

Worth EthicC O R P O R A T I O NWE

Eddie Erlandson and Kate Ludeman consult both individually and together, and have co-authored AlphaMale Syndrome (2006) and Radical Change, Radical Results (2003). They live and work in Austin, Texas.

Eddie Erlandson, MD

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