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10 REASONS NOT TO ACT ON CLIMATE PERFECTLY GOOD REASONS, TOO POLAR BEARS We get it, they're cute. But they're getting less cute by the minute, when they’re perched forlornly on that last remaining iceberg, right? In fact, these days, they're looking positively miserable, what with melting ice keeping fat seals safely away from them! Did you know that with more polar bears forced to forage in the forest, they're starting to get it on with grizzlies? Soon, they'll lose their cute white fluffiness and hey, we won't feel so bad then. Pfft. Polar bears. 1 TREES Ah, forests. Ever take a walk in the woods and emerge with that peaceful, I-am-one-with-the-world feeling? That’s a forest bath you've just taken. In Japan, they call it a ‘shinrin-yoku’. From hotter temperatures driving vast forest die-backs to deforestation from clearing land, the only bath we might be taking soon is a dust-bath (because, oh, water scarcity too). Trees might have it rough but our skin? Smooth like a baby! (From all the exfoliation we'll be doing.) 2 GLACIERS 3 There are over 300 glaciers in Iceland 11 billion tons of it melts each year Iceland is rising by 1.4 inches each year Who needs glaciers when we can have fire, floods and displaced millions? Get ready, it's showtime! ! Those vast, rugged scenes with sweeping, lonely vistas from Game of Thrones, Interstellar and Prometheus? Filmed in in Iceland on the Vatnajokull Icecap, the largest glacier in Europe. But not for long. Iceland’s glaciers are melting so fast into the ocean, the whole country is literally popping up out of the water! KIDS Little bundles of unadulterated, drooling joy! Don't they deserve a planet worth ravaging and burning, too? Oh wait. The fast forward aging of parenthood and sleep deprivation, the screaming in restaurants, that smug attitude as soon as they become teenagers? Those adorable little tykes can fend for themselves in the future! I'll enjoy my present now, thank you very much. 4 WILDLIFE 5 If the planet warms by 2°C to 3°C... ...then 20% to 30% of plants and animals are likely to go extinct. If they're not fast enough to run the rat race, then leave the running to us remaining rats! ! It's not just beautiful tigers and dancing penguins that need saving. It's also fish and frogs and birds, not to mention all the slowpokes who can't outrun the climate change in their habitats. Stuck at the top of a mountain, or in a land-locked lake with nowhere to run? They best get comfy with those rising temperatures! Remember that? Before all our neighbours became short-term renters and we stopped speaking to each other? Imagine living in a place designed to be walked and cycled, with lush greenery from the rooftops to the pocket parks round the corner. Where you could share stories while urban farming your allotments, along with swapping apple and tomato harvests. Wouldn’t that be something, to build a community to grow old in? Wait a minute. that means we'd actually have to talk. To people. In real life. Oh well. Guess I'll stick with my thousands of Facebook friends and emoticons to show how I really feel instead. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ COMMUNITY 6 FAIRNESS 7 Whoever said life was fair? We all know horrible people who get all that they want and not what they deserve. We're taught to step on others to get to the top - that's survival of the fittest, isn't it? So what if climate change takes the consequences of our lifestyle choices, and puts it on the payment plan of poor people? So what if my lifestyle takes fish away from the subsistence fisherman in the tropics; turns up the heat on the construction worker in the desert; floods the homes of millions? It's not like it's personal! The tropics will lose 40% to 60% of fish, which swim to escape warming waters... If the planet warms by 2°C... ...towards higher, cooler latitudes which will catch 30% to 70% more fish by 2055 SPACE 8 Brain slugs! Aliens that look, well, alien All sorts of danger! The final frontier. Now, some of us think that this is all about boldly going where no one has gone before, teaching alien men and women to love, but listen - there's no air, it's cold all the time, and probably filled with: Let's just leave space travel for those few billionaires that can afford it, while the rest of us settle into a century of war and building very tall walls. At least we know it's something we're good at! HEALTH Some people like to say it's been proven that red meat is bad for your heart. These people also like to share that beef causes 8 times more warming than chicken. Do these people know just how delicious a rare steak fresh off the cow tastes? Don't even get me started on vegetables. That's what cows eat. Do I look like a cow? For those of us where eating beef is a religion, we'll happily eat our way to an early grave, and eat enough on the way there for everyone else too! 9 Research states that a healthy, low-meat diet, as recommended by Harvard Medical School, would halve the work needed to keep warming to 2°C. I don't know who's doing all this work, but it's not me! Pfft. Chumps. 90g = 50% HAPPINESS 10 The pursuit of happiness. That's what really counts. For many of us, it's about enjoying our everyday comforts and not thinking too hard about who pays the price for our meat-with-every-meal, our fast fashion, our convenient disposables, our gas-guzzling cars, our energy-inefficient homes. Don't worry, be happy! TEN REASONS NOT TO ACT ON CLIMATE Or is it the other way around... ! Polar Bears Trees Glaciers Kids Wildlife Community Fairness Space Health Happiness There you have it. Ten perfectly good reasons not to act on climate. IPCC 5th Assessment Report SOURCES Little Climate: We Need to Talk about Climate Disruption Glacial Melt Lifts Iceland, Triggers Eruptions by Iceland Review Climate benefits of changing diet by Stehfest, E, et al. This has been a work of satire by Little Climate.
