The cTorara ouTlook Volume 15, Issue 1Fall 2018

Inside this Issue:Should Nike Have “Just [Done] It?”- Page 2Homecoming Pictures! - Page 2A New League for Octorara Sports - Page 3What’s the Buzz with the Bees? - Page 4My Other Half - Page 4 More Homecoming Pictures! - Page 5 & 6Come join the 5K Run/Walk - Page 7Happiness = Homecoming - Page 8 Yo-Yo - Pages 9, 10, & 11

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Some Insights on the Anonymous Op-edBy: Ryan Baggett

Trump’s political life started with birtherism, the idea that Barack Obama was born outside of the United States. From there, he both gained support and accumulated ridicule for introducing the no-tion that a Black American shouldn’t be allowed to run the country. He attacked Obama’s education, claiming he wasn’t a good enough student to attend Harvard University. From the beginning to the end of his political career, Donald Trump has tried to tarnish the Obama administration. By foiling

his administration with Obama’s and building a campaign off of denouncement, Trump was certainly vulnerable to criticism.

accomplishments of the administration, such as “effective deregulation, historic tax reform and a more robust military.” But, the anonymous author maintains that these accomplishments are due to the

administration, certainly not the President’s “impetuous, adversarial, petty and ineffective” leadership style. The author then goes on to criticize Trump’s impulsiveness and ill-informed decisions, that the administration has been regulating since inauguration. The President has responded in a few ways, in

one press conference, attacking The New York Times, highlighting the achievements of his administra-tion and invalidating the credibility of the op-ed author. This raises the question, why write the article

now and what immediate action caused the publishing of this article? I believe that there was no immediate cause to the publishing of this article, rather the ac-

cumulation of outlashes and impulses had created enough guilt, for the author to express his/her true concern. The author says “The bigger concern is not what Mr. Trump has done to the presidency but rather what we as a nation have allowed him to do to us.” His attack on the credibility of news outlets, instillation of islamophobia and condemnation of black athletes, politicians and reporters has drained us of the morals this country has instilled in us. The author recognizes the true concern for the Ameri-

can people and sees that as Trump claims to “Make America Great Again,” he is actually stripping Americans of core values of equality, freedom of speech, and hope. The author wants to no longer be

seen as an enabler of this behavior, but part of the resistance. The main message the op-ed pledges is hope. Hope that not everything we see Mr. Trump

do is approved by his board. Hope that we are not left entirely in the hands of a man prone to impulse. The article did not tell us anything new about Trump, we knew he was everything the author described

him to be already. But now we can have confirmation that our country can remain intact despite the outlashes of the President.

As many hailed it as an unprecedented publication, The New York Times anonymous publishing of the op-ed certainly does not mark the first revelation of the President’s political behavior. Donald

On September 5th, Mr. President received criticism from an improbable place: his own administra-tion. The New York Times released an anonymous op-ed essay from a senior official on the Trump campaign outlining the incapabilities Trump has as president. The writer doesn’t fail to praise some

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Should Nike Have “Just [Done] It?”By: Julia Stoltzfus

Nike recently released an ad celebrating the 30th anniversary of their “just do it” cam-paign featuring Colin Kaepernick. The ad contains the quote “believe in something even if it means sacrificing everything”. The ad sparked a massive controversy throughout the

country, and Nike has been receiving both praise and criticism for featuring Kaepernick in this latest ad.

For those who are unsure of who Kaepernick is he is a former NFL quarter-back, and is known for being the first player to kneel during The National Anthem back

in 2016. He did this in response to the police brutality that had been shown towards Afri-can Americans; he wanted to support the Black Lives Matter movement, essentially. Many

people supported him and other players also began kneeling in peaceful protest. Many people also were outraged and believed Kaepernick was being disrespectful to those who have given their lives for this country. This debate had started to settle down, but was re-

ignited with the release of this Nike ad. Some extremists who took the ad to heart have begun burning their Nike apparel

as a way to protest the company. While this is quite a counter-productive response, others have taken to Twitter to voice their issues with Nike. President Donald Trump, for ex-

ample, tweeted “Just like the NFL, whose ratings have gone WAY DOWN, Nike is getting absolutely killed with anger and boycotts…” While the backlash has been extensive, Nike

appears to be embracing the response, and released a two minute long ad starring Kaeper-nick. The brand is focusing on the positive response not so much the negative.

At the end of the day the protest or praise for Nike all goes back to: was it appro-priate for Kaepernick to kneel? Both sides have valid arguments. On the one hand, how

can Kaepernick kneel when he is sitting safe in this country while others die for his rights? How can he be so disrespectful with all the privilege he has? On the other hand he feels

like black people are being denied basic rights, so how can he sit back and do nothing? By forcing him to stop isn’t the NFL denying him his right to protest? The fact is kneeling falls under freedom of speech, but the NFL can ban it since they are a private organization. Is

this right? I leave that question up to you, the reader.

Homecoming Pictures!

A New League for Octorara SportsBy: Tommy Myers

This year in Octorara sports, we have moved from the Chester-Montgomery League, or Chesmont, to the Lancaster-Lebanon League, or LL League. This means instead of competing with the schools from Chester and Montgomery County, we are competing with schools from Lancaster and Lebanon County. The school

made this change in order to give our teams a more competitive season filled with schools similar to our size. Compared to Chesmont, the Lancaster-Lebanon League has smaller schools. This is especially true because

of their system of sections. In each sport, teams are split up into sections. Sections are split based on school-size to try and remove the advantages of larger schools. This means, within the LL League, your section as-signed is full of schools similar to your own in size. This has served as a benefit to Octorara as we are one of

the smaller-sized schools.Coach King, head coach of the football team, said that the change has “been good for football”, adding

that “[i]t is exciting to play new teams and the Lancaster Newspaper has really come through on covering our team so far this year”. He then goes on to say how “Lancaster schools are similar to our size”, and the team has “been very competitive in all our games so far”. Coach King says to “not to bet against us in any of the

upcoming games”. Coach Coombe of the Girls’ tennis team had a similar response when asked about the new league. Coach Coombe said, “we are much more competitive [in the Lancaster Lebanon League]”. He also added that “the sportsmanship is much better than than the Chesmont [League]”. This trend of better com-petitiveness remained when Volleyball coach, Coach Regener was asked the same question. He said, “The LL league has its pros and cons. We are more competitive...than we were in Chesmont League”. He goes on

to say a negative effect of the new league is “[t]he travel is a challenge”. Although there are negative effects of the league, it seems the common trend when asking coaches is the level of play is far more competitive for the

teams.Captain of the girls’ soccer team, senior McKayla Mickel, said, “I do like it [the Lancaster Lebanon League]

because the schools are more our size”. She goes on and says “however, they are still very good. It’s just that they don’t really know who we are yet, so that gives us an amazing opportunity to make a new name for the

Lady Braves”. Junior Keith Lambert, plays both varsity golf and soccer in the fall. He says the new league has allowed golf and soccer “to be competitive and compete for championships”.

This transition to a new league has had both positive and negative effects. The main negative effect has been the added travel resulting in earlier dismissals and late arrivals home from away games. Although the

added travel is not ideal, it seems to be worth the trouble. According to coaches and players, teams have been more competitive and have had more success. This idea of being competitive is what high school sports are all about. High school sports are meant to be fun. It is always more fun when a team feels they have the op-

portunity to win. The Lancaster Lebanon League has given the teams in Octorara this opportunity.

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What’s the Buzz with the Bees?By: Abby Sholes

Over the summer, the government’s suggested changes to the Endangered Species Act sparked outrage among many environmental groups. Most notably, the uproar revamped ongoing debates over numerous environmental issues. However, one stands out as a major point of contention throughout

the past few decades: the status of bees in our environment. The common argument by many groups seems to be that bees have become an endangered

species. However, there are just as many people who believe that nothing is wrong. So, what’s the real truth? It seems to be something in the middle.

Bees as a whole are not endangered. Worldwide, bee populations have remained steady and even increased since the 1990s. In the U.S. specifically, we have seen a rise in the honeybee population.

However, much of this can be contributed to extra effort by beekeepers to keep these numbers steady. Because bees are an “exotic” species originating from Europe, beekeepers are essential to both the

honey industry and the health of the bee population. Though not endangered as a whole, seven species of Hawaiian bees were recently placed on the endangered species list: the first endangered bees in the

United States. Beekeeping keeps the population in a good range, however the eventual goal is that bees are able to maintain their numbers more naturally and not rely on beekeeper overtime.

Why do so many people believe that bees are endangered? The root of the panic we see today seems to have originated in the strange phenomenon in winter, 2006. Dubbed “Colony Collapse Dis-

order”, beekeepers began reporting the mysterious disappearance of worker bees from their hives. Some bee farms reported losing up to 90% of their colonies that year. Many feared that this was the

beginning sign of bee population deteriorating. Others hypothesized that pesticides could be a culprit. However, the pesticides used today are much safer for the environment than those used 20-30 years

ago. Habitat loss, climate change, pesticides, and colony collapse disorder became the prime suspects for many years to come, and people aren’t entirely wrong. An increase in winter losses has become the norm, and it’s probable that bees are dying from habitat loss as well- just not in the extreme numbers

some think. Even though bees aren’t endangered, that doesn’t mean we stop caring about them. Bees are es-

sential, and without them we wouldn’t have many of our favorite foods, including honey, apples, or-anges, or blueberries. There are many simple things that you can do to help bees and beekeepers boost

the insect’s population. For one, plant flowers in the spring and summertime that are bee-friendly. Being environmentally conscious and just letting them do their thing is a great way to show your sup-port. Remember: they may not be endangered, but they deserve our respect as a vital part of our envi-

ronment.

My Other HalfBy: Stephen Parker

I’m searching for someone who doesn’t exist; I know I shouldn’t, but my mind can’t resist.

Lumbering around the labyrinth of love, White walls warping wonderful memories of— Silence screams, a sweet symphony of sadness,

Adding onto the aria of madness. The rich cacophony cuts sensitive skin,

Like a silver razor blade—its deadly twin. Memories glow free, like the blood from my vein.

I know we will soon see each other again, My reflection, the other half of my heart.

Hand in hand, we will travel beyond the stars. Never letting go, we’ll never be apart...

We’ll escape the dark! The cosmos will be ours!

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Come join the 5K Run/Walk on October 20th at the OIS!! Find Out Why….By: Hallie Englerth

Did you know that there are millions of slaves in the world today? Hear that correctly? Millions of slaves in the world RIGHT NOW, suffering, hurting, exhausted, and abused. In fact it has been statistically proven by the Global Slavery Index that there are more slaves today than ever before in human history. This happens all around the world and although it may be more prevalent in

three primary countries it is happening right in Lancaster, too. In fact, Pennsylvania has one of the highest numbers of human trafficking in the county. -(www.globalslaveryindex.org). That’s right,

our little state of PA. Well if that hits you hard listen to this; it is statistically proven that only 1% of victims are ever rescued.

Although it’s very easy for society to mourn over this horrible truth and move on, to separate the problem from real life, this threat is very real. The Global Slavery Index of 2018 estimates that on any given day in 2016 there were 403,000 people living in conditions of modern day slavery in the United States. It’s a hard concept to swallow but it’s the truth; men, women, and children are being tricked into forced labor and human trafficking every 30 seconds. Babies are being sold by

their parents for money; young children, teens, and women are abducted and forced into toxic re-lationships for cash, and men are being tricked into slavery with the promise of good paying work.

Human trafficking is the fastest-growing criminal industry in the world, generating more than $150 billion USD every year; even mainstream hotels are being used by traffickers to make this

money every day. This is the world of 2018, calming that we’ve come so far yet still struggling with the basic truth that people cannot own people. (www.A21.org)

In 2008 Christine Caine and her husband Nick established the A21 foundation, in which they made it their mission to put an end to slavery and human trafficking in the 21st century. Having

two girls of her own, Christine was moved to start the campaign after seeing a missing poster in an airport in Greece. On a wall covered with faces, one name stood out, Sophia. “I went from looking,

to seeing what could have been my child, and in that moment everything changed.” - (Christine Caine, www.A21.org) From this one moment of conviction the Caine family started the Can You See Me campaign, in which they have partnered with local and global law enforcement to create

global awareness. Schools have partnered with the program to host classes in which A21 volunteers and staff come

in and teach students to be aware and who to call if they see anything. Now, on their 10 year anni-versary, The A21 foundation has established 14 hubs around the globe in which specially designed

teams are working with the state and country to change laws and help survivors. Traffickers are being identified and put in prison in order to create lasting impact. Labor camps have been bro-

ken down and taken to court in order to prevent false job traps, and safe houses have and continue to be positioned around the world for women and children to seek safety and rehabilitation from

their abusers. This movement is making a huge difference and is saving lives. However, there is always more to be done and many more victims to be rescued. So, every October for the past nine years The A21 foundation hosts an annual Walk for Freedom in which hundreds of thousands get

together to raise awareness and prove that there are more against slavery than for it. So, after hearing this, one may be thinking “what can I do to help?” There are many ways each

and every one of us can do something to contribute to putting an end to slavery forever. By fol-lowing the A21 Instagram page you can receive updates on rescue missions and survivors while

keeping up on the latest. There are also local organizations such as the NorthStar Initiative or She’s Somebody’s Daughter organization that operate right in Lancaster.

Another, in partnership with A21, Freedom Life Church is hosting a 5k Run/Walk and family fun run on October 20th at the Octorara Intermediate School. At the run their will be an info desk where you can ask questions and learn more about what you can do to help in your own commu-nity. If you would like more info on the run or how to register you can visit www.freedom.life or

www.A21.org to learn more about the organization.This is a horrible truth to face but if we choose to ignore the darkness all around us it won’t stop.

You are the light and you have the power to make a difference, you can choose to stand against this injustice and fight for freedom.

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Happiness = HomecomingBy: Michaela Hampton & Alaina Davis

From Meme Monday to color wars on Friday, this year’s homecoming spirit week had students bubbling with en-

thusiasm heading into the weekend celebration! As Friday approached, the energy in the hallways was palpable--you could feel the excitement in the air. The Hall of Fame assembly kicked off the activities Friday; this year’s inductees

included Larry Althouse, Katy Charles and Taneen Legree. Hearing from Octorara alumni, students were encouraged and challenged to consider the vast possibilities for success following high school. The high school band provided

music as students entered and exited the auditorium, thus helping to keep the energy going! The end of the day pep rally, organized by members of the National Honor Society (NHS), proved to be a suc-

cess once again. With music provided by the pep band, students entered enthused and ready for some fun! This year’s fall sports teams were announced and entered the gym to roaring applause! The 2018 Homecoming Court entered

next--Michaela Hampton escorted by Jude Unitis, Haylee Houghton escorted by Ryan Baggett, Desiree Lapp escorted by Alex Lantz, AnnaBelle Ward escorted by Robbie Koennecker and Abigail Williams escorted by Bobby Bright. The cheerleaders entered--bringing a contagious enthusiasm as they performed a well choreographed and well executed

routine. Perhaps the most anticipated moment of the pep rally: six selected students had the opportunity to pie a teacher in the face as a fundraiser for NHS. Mr. Livingood, Mr. King, Mr. McCarthy, Mr. Sifford, Mrs. Murdoch, and

Ms. Hallman were all pied and were great sports. The seniors attained success in both the tug-o-war battle and the dance-off--thanks Consiglio!

This year’s homecoming weekend festivities kicked off with excitement and energy! Beginning with a parade around campus and ending with the dance, this weekend’s celebration was one to remember and cherish. The theme for this year’s parade floats was “holidays”--from Christmas to Columbus Day, sports team and clubs displayed their creativity in their designs. It was the year of the soccer teams for float winners--the senior high girls team won first

place, the senior high boys team second and the junior high girls team third. The football game continued the evening of festivities on the campus. The game was well played by both teams, but

Octorara gave up a single point short after a well fought battle against the Donegal Indians. The 20-21 score was quite impressive. At halftime, the moment everyone was waiting for had arrived. The coronation of the 2018 homecoming king and queen! Michaela Hampton and Alex Lantz received the honors this year. After the coronation, Tyisha White and Eric Althouse were inducted into the Octorara Sports Hall of Fame. Both excelled in athletics in high school and continue to excel and give back to their communities. Also at halftime, the Octorara Marching Band demonstrated

their skills in performing their marches!Saturday brought a day filled with sun, sports, and dancing. Kicking off the day, the boys soccer boosters hosted

their annual pancake breakfast! Occurring on the day of the homecoming dance every year, sausage, bacon and pan-cakes were served in the high school cafeteria to benefit the program.

The Octorara Varsity Field Hockey team dominated their game against Academy Park. The game was offense-dominated for the Lady Braves and resulted in a 4-0 win. Maddie Lonsinger, Beki Mendenhall, and Payton Bromley

capitalized on the offensive opportunities to help secure the win. The JV Field Hockey team also tallied a 2-0 win, controlling the ball for the majority of the game.

Though in Carlisle, the Cross Country team competed Saturday in an invitational! Running against students from over one hundred schools, Octorara competitors demonstrated their skills. Rebecca Cassidy finished in the top fifty of her race, while Emily Dyer and Alex Ward both qualified for districts. Running against 305 runners in the freshman race, 682 runners in the JV race and 426 runners in the Varsity race, our boys team competed well and several stu-

dents achieved personal records.The Octorara Girls Varsity and JV volleyball teams secured success in their matches Saturday morning. Battling

Collegium, the varsity team won three games with scores of 3-25, 8-25, and 15-25. Elyse Wood had nineteen serves in a row--her last serve secured the game winning point that led to the 3-25 victory! The team got the crowd involved in their “pizza pie on the other side”--an opportunity where one could pay to serve and attempt to win a free pizza by

hitting a pizza box target. The Octorara Girls Soccer Teams fought hard for their homecoming games, but both Varsity and JV couldn’t quite

grab the win from Solanco. The Varsity score was an honorable 3-1 loss.The boys Varsity and JV soccer teams both had a victory! Varsity had a 2-0 win and JV won 1-0, representing

Octorara well on our homecoming weekend. Coatesville went home defeated, and the boys helped to finish out a great day of athletics and school spirit!

The fun filled weekend concluded Saturday night with the much-awaited and anticipated 2018 homecoming dance. Students from every grade attended--dressed and ready to have fun dancing with their friends. The dance was well organized thanks to the Class of 2020 and to the teachers who volunteered to chaperone. The dance was the per-fect conclusion to the celebration of homecoming--it was a wonderful week of festivities filled with embracing school

spirit and having fun with fellow students!

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Dear Yo-Yo,Why is it that school officials, like, feel it is necessary to have students, like, carry out pointless

chores such as the iPad Onboarding garbo? It’s just so extra. I mean just look at the ridiculous as-signment below:

“1. Open Google Docs and create a new document. 2.. Name the document iPad Onboarding plus your initials. Example “iPad Onboard-

ing TW” 3. Write a paragraph describing what career you are currently interested in pursuing

and how you plan to obtain this career. Your paragraph should contain a minimum of five sentences and include cor-

rect grammar and punctuation. 4. Submit the document to this assignment.”

Pretty sus, right? Let’s not pretend that anyone is, like, actually listening to our words here, bro. How much longer can we, like, act like, like, sheep? Like, should we even bother, like, making a

submission if it’s just a one-way convo poorly disguised as a necessary learning experience? How do we, like, mobilize against this oppression?

Time to get woke, fam.-xXFightTheManXx

Dear xXFightTheManXx,

Ah, yes... Nothing is more inspirational than an ardently rebellious youth. Your fervor is infec-tious, my friend, and I sympathize with your struggle. You bring up a common and perfectly valid

inquiry: “Should I even bother with this task if no one is listening to my words and this is just busy-work?”

Your worries are certainly justified, especially with a series of assignments belonging to the pe-culiarly named “iPad Onboarding” process. That titling does seem quite “sus”, as you put it. It urges

compliance: for who would ever wish to find themselves “off-board,” drifting away from the sail-ing ship of rosy-cheeked staff and students who are joyously departing for another year’s exuberant educational expedition? Nonetheless, I’m glad you have the wits about you to recognize and ques-

tion the crafty denomination. Anyhow, we, as a student collective, have long suffered under the hand of nonreason when

it comes to having to fulfill certain requests from our far-removed superiors. We have also long tried to understand the motivations behind much of their decision making, to no avail thus far, of course. But still--despite the fact that administration seems to reside in another plane of existence, one with universals and methodologies so alien to our own--we must try to understand them be-

fore we can solve the issues at hand. So while it would be tempting to simply dismiss the task altogether, we must not be entirely

blinded by our brooding teenage spirit; it could be possible that there is deep meaning behind getting on-board. And so I took it upon myself to test whether or not we are truly being swindled

when I made my own submission to the assignment. It is as follows:

“iPad Onboarding plus your initials”

The career I am currently interested in pursuing is business management. I will obtain this career by studying very hard and continuing my education in a four-year college program to obtain a bach-elor’s degree in business management. I plan on placing myself in environments that foster superior

work ethic and urge its residents to employ professional levels of discipline. In

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addition to furthering me as an experienced businessman, these environments will help me make con-nections in my field of interest and open career opportunities for me.

I think I may also end up sharing my field of interest with others by pursuing a business education degree. I believe that having a basic understanding of business is something that anyone can benefit from,

whether they intend to pursue it professionally or not. It is certainly just as valuable as arithmetic and language skills: it works to exercise the mind, build a sense of community, create a more in-depth under-standing of human interaction, hone disciplinary skills, and further provide individuals with experience

in the educational realm. On top of all of this, the fact that every facet of life is interconnected makes learning business skills--and anything, for that matter--even more of a worthwhile endeavor.

Certainly, though, if I ever work to educate any individual on any matter I will do my absolute best not to waste their precious time with ludicrous tasks such as what I am burdened with in typing up this

very document. Perhaps the title of this document alludes to my feelings which I shall address.I find it insulting that I, especially as a twelfth-year public school student and a fifth-year user of the

school administered iPads, am required to type a laughably meager “minimum of five sentences” using “correct grammar and punctuation” on the subject of “what career you are currently interested in pursu-ing and how you plan to obtain this career,” for the sole purpose proving that I know what I am doing on

this platform. Unless that isn’t the sole purpose… Perhaps I am wrong, and there is an unfortunate reader of this supercilious rant. Perhaps this assign-

ment’s fate isn’t simply to be noted for completion or lack thereof. Perhaps someone who cares is reading this to truly understand what my goals are after high school. Perhaps the subject of the document wasn’t

randomly selected out of a magician’s hat full of trivial prompts. Perhaps.Assuming that any of those notions are true, I would like the reader of this paper to make his or herself

known. After reading this document, please contact me and let me know what you think--all feedback is welcome. Also tell me how you have aided, and how you intend on continuing to aid me, in the pursuit of my desired career which I detailed in my opening paragraphs (which doubled as a front for my haughty words to come). Certainly, to any witness of these words, compliance with my requests could be no more

taxing than it was for me to fulfill the satire-spawning request of some distant superior of mine. Before I type my final thoughts, I would like to sincerely and preemptively apologize to the theoreti-

cal reader of this pseudo-dissertation. If you are there, reader, then I am sorry for the words I have put forth, because your simple existence means that I was wrong. A substantial portion of what I wrote was

based on my assumption that no real mind would be comprehending these words. And so if a mind is in-deed comprehending these words, then I have done little other than waste that mind’s precious time with

a ludicrous task such as reading this very document. Maybe not so ironically, I never ended up wasting any of my own time in writing this paper. This is

the case solely because I find indulging my ridiculous passing thoughts to be extremely rewarding and en-tertaining. And on a potentially lighter note for you, theoretical reader, if you have a good sense of humor

then I have wasted none of your time either. A good laugh is

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Advisor: Mrs. WatsonEditor-in-Chief:Michael Wishneski

Newspaper Staff:

Octorara Area School District is an equal opportunity education institution and will not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, and handicap in activities, programs, or employment practices as required by Title VI, and section 504. For information regarding civil rights, grievance procedures, or service, activi-ties and facilities that are accessible to and usable by handicapped persons, contact Director of Special Services at:

Octorara School District226 Highland Road

Atglen, Pennsylvania 19310(610)-593-8254

Outlook Equal Opportunity Statement

Photographer(s):

Mrs. Watson

always at the expense of someone--and if you can laugh when that someone is you, then I applaud you, my distant and perhaps non-existent friend.

Footnote to assignment: In case the abstract reader of this paper hasn’t caught on, this whole pursuit was a hilariously con-

voluted way of pointing to my truly desired career: being a professional savage… Looks like I’m on my way, son. I even managed to use proper grammar too.

You’ve been officially yeeted by a #YoYoRoast

Therefore, dear xXFightTheManXx, it will come as a surprise to no one that it has been three weeks since my submission and I have yet to receive any response… However, we should not succumb

to total adolescent apathy just yet. Our efforts were not in vain! You see, in my submission I have demonstrated the single most important concept in combat-

ing the authoritative vapidness that often manifests itself in the form of administrative tasking: the idea that we all have the raw potential to create our own opportunity on a day to day basis. You must have noticed the versatility in my submission. Just that one paper served to (A) determine whether any higher official was truly listening, (B) sufficiently ridicule and shame any said official for assign-

ing such a pointless chore, (C) sufficiently entertain myself in the process of writing and--perhaps the most spectacularly ironic of all--(D) actually complete the triflous task at hand. I transformed a seem-

ing prison cell of lies into an oasis of righteous truth!And yes, yes--I hear the question you’re asking already: “But Yo-Yo, how is this a cunning vic-

tory if no administrators actually read the submission?” And I suppose that is a valid criticism of my methods… But just imagine the look on an administrator’s face if he/she did just so happen to stumble

across the submission which somehow or other made its way into the public realm. Oh, I’m getting severe second-hand embarrassment just thinking about how foolish I would feel if they actually read it! So perhaps the giddiness we get from just picturing what it would be like if an administrator were

to, for some inexplicable reason, discover the essay makes it all worthwhile.So while I do understand the appeal of the teenage-angst, “burn it all down” attitude, allow me

to remind you that all of our parents are one swift phone call away… Perhaps, though, if we work to perfect ulterior techniques of expression while working within the confines of the academic vessel of compulsory spirit then we can find some success--because believe me, sir, you can’t sink a beached

ship.

Always happy to help, Yo-Yo

Writers:Ryan BaggettAlaina DavisHallie EnglerthMichaela HamptonTommy MyersStephen ParkerAbby SholesJulia StoltzfusNick Yelovich