The Dangerous Passion

8/12/2019 The Dangerous Passion

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The

DangerousPassion

Why Jealousy Is as Necessary

as Love and Sex

DAVID M. BUSS, Ph.D.

T H E F R E E P R E S S

New York London Sydney Singapore



OTHER BOOKS BYDAVIDM. BUSS

The Evolution of esire! Strategies of "u#an $ating

Sex% &ower% 'onflict! Evolutionary and (e#inist &erspectives(e., !i"h #ei$ Ma$a%u"h&

Evolutionary &sychology! The New Science of the $ind

THE FREE PRESS

A Di'ision o Si%on ) S*hus"er In*.

+- A'enue o "he A%eri*as

#e! Yor/, #Y +

Visi" us on "he 0or$ 0ie 0e12h""3244!!!.Si%onSa5s.*o%

6o35righ" 7 15 Da'i M. Buss

A$$ righ"s reser'e, in*$uing "he righ" o re3rou*"ion in !ho$e or in 3ar" in an5 or%.

THEF REEP RESS an *o$o3hon are "rae%ar/s o Si%on ) S*hus"er In*.

ISB# 89:;8:9<:98=



For Cindy

Acknowledgements

THOSE 0HO DEVOTE THEIR >IVES"o 3ene"ra"ing "he %5s"eries o hu%an na"ure a*e anunusua$ *ir*u%s"an*e, one in !hi*h "he "arge"s o s"u5 ha33en "o in*$ue "heir o!n%ins. So%e"i%es i"?s a 3ersona$ insigh" "ha" $eas "o a s*ien"ii* is*o'er5, 1u" in %5*ase, i" !as a s*ien"ii* ining "ha" $e "o a 3ersona$ re'e$a"ion. In one o %5 irs" or%a$s"uies o @ea$ous5, !e as/e !o%en an %en "o i%agine "heir 3ar"ner ha'ing se !i"hso%eone e$se. So%e 3eo3$e is3$a5e in"ense seua$ @ea$ous5, sha/ing !i"h rage !hen"hese is"ur1ing i%ages i$$e "heir heas. O"hers see%e $ess u3se", a" $eas" on "hesura*e. I !an"e "o in ou" !h5. One *ri"i*a$ a*"or "urne ou" "o 1e !he"her or no" a 3erson ha a$rea5 e3erien*e a *o%%i""e seua$ re$a"ionshi3. Those !ho !ere ei"herin $o'e or !ho ha $o'e an $os", is3$a5e ar %ore $ori seua$ @ea$ous5 "han "hose

!ho %ere$5 $onge or $o'e 1u" ha ne'er e3erien*e i".

As "hese resu$"s ro$$e o "he *o%3u"er 3rin"er, %e%ories $ooe %5 hea o 3re'ious$5 1urie e'en"s o %5 3as". As a 5ou"h o +<, in$uen*e no ou1" 15 "he 3re'ai$ing *u$"ura$ieo$ogies o "he "i%e, I 3u1$i*$5 3ro*$ai%e "ha" %5 gir$rien?s 1o5 !as her o!n, "ha"she *ou$ ha'e se !i"h an5one she !an"e, an "ha" @ea$ous5 !as an i%%a"ure e%o"iono u38"igh", hung8u3, un$i1era"e ini'iua$s. I, o *ourse, !as a1o'e a$$ "ha". There !ason$5 one 3ro1$e%I in?" ha'e a gir$rienC A 5ear $a"er, !hen I 1e*a%e in'o$'e or"he irs" "i%e, %5 ee$ings a1ou" "he %a""er suen$5 re'erse. I" !as as "hough a @ea$ous5s!i"*h in %5 1rain, 3re'ious$5 on "he o se""ing, suen$5 go" $i33e "o on. I oun%5se$ g$aring a" o"her %en !ho see%e a 1i" "oo rien$5 "o %5 3ar"ner a" 3ar"ies, *a$$ing

her u3 une3e*"e$5 @us" "o see !he"her she !as !here she sai she !ou$ 1e, an"hin/ing "ha" e'er5 %an har1ore se*re" esires or her. I 1e*a%e a!are o a ee3i%ension o %5 o!n 3s5*ho$og5 "ha" ha 3re'ious$5 $ain or%an".

O'er "he 3as" e*ae, "oge"her !i"h %an5 "a$en"e *o$$eagues, %5 s*ien"ii* resear*h haso*use on "he angerous 3assion o @ea$ous5 an i"s "e"here sou$ %a"e, "he s3e*"er oinie$i"5. In "he *ourse o "his !or/ I is*o'ere "ha" so%e 3ri'a"e e%ons aresur3rising$5 !ies3rea a$i*"ions. This 1oo/ re3resen"s a s5n"hesis o "ha" !or/, as !e$$as o s"uies *onu*"e 15 hunres o s*ien"is"s ro% aroun "he !or$. I o!e a ee3e1" "o %an5 !ho *on"ri1u"e ire*"$5 or inire*"$5 "o i"s *on"en" an or%. The irs""han/s goes "o Don S5%ons, !ho he$3e %e "hrough rienshi3, 3u1$ishe !ri"ings,oens o is*ussions, an generous ee1a*/ on %5 !or/. #e", I o!e s3e*ia$ gra"i"ue"o >ea 6os%ies an Gohn Too15, !hose se%ina$ !ri"ings an hours o $i'e$5 is*ussionno! s3anning near$5 "!o e*aes ha'e grea"$5 in$uen*e %5 "hin/ing. Mar"in Da$5 anMargo 0i$son 3ioneere "he e3$ora"ion o "he 3eri$ous 3assion, i$$u%ina"e i"s s3e*ia$anger "o !o%en, an ha'e generous$5 he$3e "o *$ari5 %5 "hin/ing o'er "he 5ears.

M5 ire*"8resear*h *o$$a1ora"ors eser'e s3e*ia$ "han/s. I?'e ha "he goo or"une "o!or/ !i"h A$ois Ang$ei"ner, Ar%en Asherian, Mi/e Barnes, Ke'in Benne"", A3ri$ B$es/e,



Mi/e Bo"!in, Bra% Buun/, Gae 6hoe, Ken 6rai/, >isa Deen, To DeKa5, GoshDun"$e5, Bru*e E$$is, Barr5 Frie%an, S"e'e anges"a, Ar$e""e reer, Heii rei$ing,Mari/o Hasega!a, Toshi/au Hasega!a, Mar"ie Hase$"on, Doug Kenri*/, >eeKir/3a"ri*/, Ran5 >arsen, #ei$ Ma$a%u"h, Vi*"or Ou1ai, Da'i S*h%i"", GennierSe%%e$ro"h, To Sha*/e$or, an Dre! 0es"en.

The in*o%3ara1$e To Sha*/e$or %us" 1e sing$e ou", sin*e one *ou$ no" as/ or a%ore su3er$a"i'e *o$$a1ora"or. He has 1een *o8au"hor !i"h %e on %ore "han a oen 3u1$i*a"ions on "o3i*s ranging ro% signa$s o inie$i"5 "o "a*"i*s %en an !o%en use "o/ee3 %a"es. Heii rei$ing he$3e "o ge" %e ou" o %5 %a$e %in enough "o *o$$a1ora"eon a ra" o s"uies on "he hien i%ensions o !o%en?s seua$ 3s5*ho$og5. Mar"ieHase$"on, 3ri%ar5 au"hor o Error $anage#ent Theory% 1rough" insigh" "o "he signa$e"e*"ion 3ro1$e% an "he i%3or"an*e o !o%en?s o'u$a"ion *5*$es. Gosh Dun"$e5*on"ri1u"e "o uners"aning "he e"re%e 'io$en*e "ha" @ea$ous %en so%e"i%e ire*"agains" !o%en. A3ri$ B$es/e he$3e %e "o uners"an !h5 riens are so%e"i%es ri'a$san !h5 %en an !o%en ha'e so %u*h ii*u$"5 1eing @us" riens. Barr5 Frie%an

he$3e "o e3$ore ho! %en an !o%en "es" %a"ing 1ons.

Dis*ussions !i"h %an5 o"her *o$$eagues a$so in$uen*e "he ieas e3resse in "his 1oo/2Di*/ A$eaner, Rosa$in Aren, Ro1in Ba/er, Gerr5 Bar/o!, >aura Be"ig, #a36hagnon, He$ena 6ronin, Ri*har Da!/ins, Ir' DeVore, Ran5 Dieh$, Pau$ E/%an,S"e'e anges"a, Bi$$ Ha%i$"on, Ki% Hi$$, Sarah Hr5, Bi$$ Gan/o!ia/, Doug Gones,Doug Kenri*/, >ee Kir/3a"ri*/, Ke'in Ma*Dona$, #ei$ Ma$a%u"h, eore5 Mi$$er,Ran5 #esse, Di*/ #is1e"", >aura #i"1erg, S"e'e Pin/er, Da'i Ro!e, Ge Si%3son,De' Singh, Bar1 S%u"s, Fran/ Su$$o!a5, De$ Thiessen, #an*5 Thornhi$$, Ran5Thornhi$$, Bi$$ Too/e, Gohn To!nsen, Ro1er" Tri'ers, Gerr5 0a/eie$, >ee 0i$$er%an,eorge 0i$$ia%s, D.S. 0i$son, E.O. 0i$son, an Ri*har 0rangha%.

M5 agen"s, Ka"in/a Ma"son an Gohn Bro*/%an, !ere ins"ru%en"a$ in he$3ing %e "osha3e "he 'ision or "his 1oo/. Phi$i3 Ra33a3or", o The Free Press, "raine his ineei"oria$ e5e on an ear$5 ra" o "his 1oo/ an 1rough" a uniue sensi1i$i"5 "o i"s ina$"one. Rose%ar5 Da'ison, o B$oo%s1ur5 Pu1$ishers, A3ri$ B$es/e, Goshua Dun"$e5,Barr5 Frie%an, Mar"ie Hase$"on, an To Sha*/e$or a$$ oere insigh"u$ *o%%en"son "he en"ire 1oo/.

Fina$$5, I o!e s3e*ia$ "han/s "o "he "housans o !o%en an %en !ho generous$5 o3ene"heir $i'es "o re'ea$ so%e o "he ar/er se*re"s o "he angerous 3assion.



6on"en"s

6HAPTER +

The Dangerous Passion

6HAPTER

The Gea$ous5 Parao

6HAPTER -

Gea$ous5 on Mars an Venus

6HAPTER ;

The O"he$$o S5nro%e

6HAPTER J

I I 6an?" Ha'e Her, #o1o5 6an

6HAPTER 9

Se*re"s an >ies

6HAPTER <

0h5 0o%en Ha'e Aairs

6HAPTER :

6o3ing S"ra"egies

6HAPTER =

E%o"iona$ 0iso%

Notes

)eferences

Index



THE DA#EROUS PASSIO#

CHAPTER 1

The Dangerous Passion

Gea$ous5 is no" on$5 in1re in hu%an na"ure, 1u" i" is "he %os" 1asi*, a$$83er'asi'ee%o"ion !hi*h "ou*hes %an in a$$ as3e*"s o e'er5 hu%an re$a"ionshi3.

*+oris Sokoloff% ,-./%Gea$ous52 A Ps5*ho$ogi*a$ S"u5

EVERY HUMA# A>IVE IS A#e'o$u"ionar5 su**ess s"or5. I an5 o our an*es"ors ha

ai$e "o sur'i'e an i*e age, a rough", a 3rea"or, or a 3$ague, "he5 !ou$ no" 1e ouran*es"ors. I an5 ha ai$e "o *oo3era"e !i"h a" $eas" so%e o"hers in "he grou3 or ro33e 1e$o! a %ini%a$ 3osi"ion in "he so*ia$ hierar*h5, "he5 !ou$ ha'e %e" *er"ain ea"h 15 1eing *as" ou" ro% "he grou3. I e'en one ha ai$e "o su**ee in *hoosing, *our"ing,

an /ee3ing a %a"e, "he 3re'ious$5 in'io$a"e *hain o es*en" !ou$ ha'e irre3ara1$5 1ro/en, an !e !ou$ no" 1e a$i'e "o "e$$ "he "a$e. Ea*h o us o!es our eis"en*e "o"housans o genera"ions o su**essu$ an*es"ors. As "heir es*enan"s, !e ha'e inheri"e"he 3assions "ha" $e "o "heir su**ess3assions "ha" ri'e us, o"en 1$in$5, "hrough a$ie$ong @ourne5 in "he s"rugg$e or sur'i'a$, "he 3ursui" o 3osi"ion, an "he sear*h orre$a"ionshi3s.

0e usua$$5 "hin/ o 3assion as res"ri*"e "o se or $o'e, "he 1urning e%1ra*e or *ons"an"*ra'ing. Bu" i" has a 1roaer %eaning, reerring "o "he ri'es an e%o"iona$ ires "ha" 3ro3e$ us in our ues"s "hrough $ie. The5 so%e"i%es g$o! uie"$5, 1u" a" o"her "i%es "he5 1urs" in"o u$$ $a%e. The5 range ro% "ranui$ e'o"ion "o 'io$en" eru3"ion. Their

e3ression 5ie$s $ie?s ee3es" @o5s, 1u" a$so "he *rue$es" suering. An a$"hough !e*o%%on$5 "hin/ o 3assion as a or*e o33ose "o reason an ra"iona$i"5, so%e"hing "o 1e"a%e or o'er*o%e, 3assions !hen 3ro3er$5 uners"oo ha'e a *r5s"a$$ine $ogi*, 3re*ise 3ur3ose, an su3re%e sensi1i$i"5.

The ri'es "ha" s"ir us ou" o 1e a" a!n an hur$ us hea$ong in"o our ai$5 s"rugg$esha'e "!o sies. On "he 3osi"i'e sie, 3assions ins3ire us "o a*hie'e $ie?s goa$s. The5i%3e$ us "o sa"is5 our esire or se, our 5earning or 3res"ige, an our ues" or $o'e.



The a$ing 3$a5s o Sha/es3eare, "he %e%eriing ar" o eorgia O?Keee, an "he 1ri$$ian" in'en"ions o Tho%as Eison !ou$ no" eis" i 3assion ha no" s"irre "he%ro% re3ose an i%3e$$e *rea"ion. 0i"hou" 3assion, !e !ou$ $ie $is"$ess in 1e, or "here!ou$ 1e no %o"i'a"ion "o o an5"hing a" a$$.

Bu" 3assions *arr5 a ar/er, %ore sinis"er sie. The sa%e 3assions "ha" ins3ire us !i"h$o'e *an $ea "o "he isas"rous *hoi*e o a %a"e, "he es3era"ion o unreui"e o1session,or "he "error o s"a$/ing. Gea$ous5 *an /ee3 a *ou3$e *o%%i""e or ri'e a %an "o sa'age$5 1ea" his !ie. An a""ra*"ion "o a neigh1or?s s3ouse *an genera"e in"oi*a"ing seua$eu3horia !hi$e es"ro5ing "!o %arriages. The 5earning or 3res"ige *an 3rou*eehi$ara"ing 3ea/s o 3o!er !hi$e e'o/ing "he *orrosi'e en'5 o a ri'a$ an a a$$ ro% agrea"er heigh".The angerous &assion e3$ores 1o"h "he es"ru*"i'e an "riu%3han" sieso hu%an esires.

Toge"her !i"h %an5 *o$$eagues, %5 resear*h o'er "he 3as" e*ae has *en"ere one3$oring "he na"ure, origins, an *onseuen*es o "he 3assions o %en an !o%en, !i"h

a s3e*ia$ o*us on @ea$ous5, inie$i"5, $o'e, se, an s"a"us. Our goa$ has 1een "o see/ aee3er uners"aning o !ha" %a/es %en an !o%en "i*/, "he esires "ha" ri'e 3eo3$e"o heigh"s o su**ess or e3"hs o es3air, an "he e'o$'e %e*hanis%s o %in "ha"eine !ho !e are. This 1oo/ i$$u%ina"es "he ar/ sie o seua$ "rea*her5, "he%5s"erious 3u$e o ro%an"i* $o'e, an "he *en"ra$ ro$e o @ea$ous5 in our in"i%a"ere$a"ionshi3s.

So%e argue "ha" "hese %5s"eries shou$ 1e $e" a$one, 3ris"ine an un"ra%%e$e, shie$ero% "he harsh g$are o s*ien"ii* s*ru"in5. Bu" is "he !o%an !ho has her reeo% ansense o sae"5 *rushe 15 a @ea$ous hus1an 1e""er o uneui33e !i"h "he /no!$ege oho! "o 3re'en" her "or%en" Is "he %an o1sesse 15 unreui"e $o'e 1e""er o ai$ing "o

uners"an "he uner$5ing reasons or his re@e*"ion Ignoran*e %a5 so%e"i%es 1e 1$iss, 1u" i" *an a$so *ause nee$ess anguish. M5 ho3e is "ha" re'ea$ing "he uner$5ing $ogi* oangerous 3assions !i$$ 1e in"e$$e*"ua$$5 i$$u%ina"ing, 3ro'ie one 3a"h or uners"aning"he is"ress !e e3erien*e a" "he hans o our $o'ers an ri'a$s, an @us" 3ossi1$5 i%3ro'ein so%e s%a$$ %easure "he "oo$s or *o3ing !i"h "he un"a%e e%ons in our $i'es.

A" "he *en"er o The angerous &assion is an e3$ora"ion o a haarous region o hu%anseua$i"5"he esires 3eo3$e e3erien*e or "hose !ho are no" "heir regu$ar 3ar"ners an"he @ea$ous shie$ esigne "o *o%1a" i"s "rea*herous *onseuen*es.

The Green-Eyed Monster

Thin/ o a *o%%i""e ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3 "ha" 5ou ha'e no!, or "ha" 5ou ha in "he 3as". #o! i%agine "ha" 5our ro%an"i* 3ar"ner 1e*o%es in"eres"e in so%eone e$se. 0ha"!ou$ u3se" or is"ress 5ou %ore2 (a& is*o'ering "ha" 5our 3ar"ner is or%ing a ee3e%o"iona$ a""a*h%en", *oniing an sharing *onien*es !i"h ano"her or (0&is*o'ering "ha" 5our 3ar"ner is en@o5ing 3assiona"e se !i"h "he o"her 3erson, "r5ing ou"ieren" seua$ 3osi"ions 5ou ha on$5 rea%e a1ou" Bo"h s*enarios are is"ressing, o*ourse, 1u" !hi*h one is %ore is"ressing I 5ou are $i/e "he %a@ori"5 o !o%en !e



sur'e5e re*en"$5 in "he Uni"e S"a"es, "he #e"her$ans, er%an5, Ga3an, Korea, anLi%1a1!e, 5ou !i$$ in "he e%o"iona$ inie$i"5 %ore u3se""ing. The ans!er see%so1'ious, a" $eas" "o !o%en. The %a@ori"5 o %en, ho!e'er, in "he 3ros3e*" o a 3ar"ner?s seua$ inie$i"5 %ore agoniing. The gu$ 1e"!een "he sees in e%o"iona$rea*"ions "o inie$i"5 re'ea$s so%e"hing 3rooun a1ou" hu%an %a"ing s"ra"egies.

The e3$ana"ion or se ieren*es in @ea$ous5 $ies ee3 in "he e'o$u"ionar5 3as" o "hehu%an s3e*ies. 6onsier irs" a una%en"a$ se ieren*e in our re3rou*"i'e 1io$og52er"i$ia"ion "a/es 3$a*e insie !o%en?s 1oies, no" %en?s. #o!, in"erna$ e%a$eer"i$ia"ion is no" uni'ersa$ in "he 1io$ogi*a$ !or$. In so%e s3e*ies, su*h as "he Mor%on*ri*/e"s, er"i$ia"ion o**urs in"erna$$5 !i"hin "he %a$e. The e%a$e "a/es her egg an$i"era$$5 i%3$an"s i" !i"hin "he %a$e, !ho "hen in*u1a"es i" un"i$ 1ir"h. In o"her s3e*ies,er"i$ia"ion o**urs e"erna$$5 "o 1o"h sees. The e%a$e sa$%on, or ea%3$e, ro3s her*o$$e*"ion o eggs a"er s!i%%ing u3s"rea%. The %a$e o$$o!s an e3osi"s his s3er% on"o3, an "hen "he5 ie, ha'ing u$i$$e "he on$5 %ission in $ie "ha" e'o$u"ion ga'e "he%.Bu" hu%ans are no" $i/e sa$%on. #or are !e $i/e Mor%on *ri*/e"s. In a$$ ;, s3e*ies o

%a%%a$s, o !hi*h !e are one, an in a$$ J< s3e*ies o 3ri%a"es, o !hi*h !e are a$soone, er"i$ia"ion o**urs in"erna$$5 !i"hin "he e%a$e, no" "he %a$e. This 3ose a gra'e 3ro1$e% or an*es"ra$ %en"he 3ro1$e% o un*er"ain"5 in 3a"erni"5.

Fro% an an*es"ra$ %an?s 3ers3e*"i'e, "he sing$e %os" a%aging or% o inie$i"5 his 3ar"ner *ou$ *o%%i", in "he *urren*5 o re3rou*"ion, !ou$ ha'e 1een a seua$inie$i"5. A !o%an?s seua$ inie$i"5 @eo3aries a %an?s *onien*e "ha" he is "hegene"i* a"her o her *hi$ren. A *u*/o$e %an ris/s in'es"ing 5ears, or e'en e*aes, inano"her %an?s *hi$ren. >os" !ou$ 1e a$$ "he eor" he e3ene in se$e*"ing ana""ra*"ing his 3ar"ner. Moreo'er, he !ou$ $ose his 3ar"ner?s $a1ors, no! *hanne$e "o ari'a$?s *hi$ren ra"her "han his o!n.

0o%en, on "he o"her han, ha'e a$!a5s 1een + 3er*en" sure "ha" "he5 are "he %o"herso "heir *hi$ren (in"erna$ er"i$ia"ion guaran"ees "ha" "heir *hi$ren are gene"i*a$$5 "heiro!n&. #o !o%an e'er ga'e 1ir"h an, !a"*hing "he *hi$ e%erge ro% her !o%1,!onere !he"her "he *hi$ !as rea$$5 hers. One Ari*an *u$"ure *a3"ures "his seieren*e !i"h a 3hrase %ore "e$$ing "han an5 "e*hni*a$ su%%ar52 Ma%a?s 1a15, 3a3a?s%a51e. Bio$og5 has gran"e !o%en a *onien*e in gene"i* 3aren"hoo "ha" no %an *anshare !i"h a1so$u"e *er"ain"5.

Our an*es"ra$ %o"hers *onron"e a ieren" 3ro1$e%, "he $oss o a 3ar"ner?s *o%%i"%en""o a ri'a$ !o%an an her *hi$ren. Be*ause e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en" is "he %os" re$ia1$esigna$ o "his isas"rous $oss, !o%en /e5 in on *ues "o a 3ar"ner?s ee$ings or o"her!o%en. A hus1an?s one8nigh" seua$ s"an is agoniing, o *ourse, 1u" %os" !o%en!an" "o /no!2 Do 5ou $o'e her Mos" !o%en in a singu$ar $a3se in ie$i"5 !i"hou"e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en" easier "o orgi'e "han "he nigh"%are o ano"her !o%an *a3"uringher 3ar"ner?s "enerness, "i%e, an ae*"ion. 0e e'o$'e ro% an*es"ra$ %o"hers !hose @ea$ous5 eru3"e a" signa$s o "he $oss o $o'e, %o"hers !ho a*"e "o ensure "he %an?s*o%%i"%en".



Bu" !ho *ares !ho a"hers a *hi$ or !here a %an?s *o%%i"%en"s ge" *hanne$eShou$n?" !e $o'e a$$ *hi$ren eua$$5 Perha3s in so%e u"o3ian u"ure, !e %igh", 1u""ha" is no" ho! "he hu%an %in is esigne. Hus1ans in our e'o$u"ionar5 3as" !hoai$e "o *are !he"her a !ie su**u%1e "o se !i"h o"her %en an !i'es !ho re%aines"oi* !hen *onron"e !i"h "heir hus1an?s e%o"iona$ inie$i"5 %a5 1e a%ira1$e in a

*er"ain $igh". Perha3s "hese se$83ossesse %en an !o%en !ere %ore %a"ure. So%e"heories, in a*", 3ro3ose "ha" @ea$ous5 is an i%%a"ure e%o"ion, a sign o inse*uri"5,neurosis, or $a!e *hara*"er. #on@ea$ous %en an !o%en, ho!e'er, are no" ouran*es"ors, ha'ing 1een $e" in "he e'o$u"ionar5 us" 15 ri'a$s !i"h ieren" 3assiona"esensi1i$i"ies. 0e a$$ *o%e ro% a $ong $ineage o an*es"ors !ho 3ossesse "he angerous 3assion.

Gea$ous5, a**oring "o "his "heor5, is an aa3"a"ion. An aa3"a"ion, in "he 3ar$an*e oe'o$u"ionar5 3s5*ho$og5, is an e'o$'e so$u"ion "o a re*urren" 3ro1$e% o sur'i'a$ orre3rou*"ion. Hu%ans, or ea%3$e, ha'e e'o$'e oo 3reeren*es or sugar, a", an 3ro"ein "ha" are aa3"i'e so$u"ions "o "he sur'i'a$ 3ro1$e% o oo se$e*"ion. 0e ha'e

e'o$'e s3e*ia$ie ears o sna/es, s3iers, an s"rangers "ha" are aa3"i'e so$u"ions "oan*es"ra$ 3ro1$e%s in$i*"e 15 angerous s3e*ies, in*$uing ourse$'es. 0e ha'e e'o$'es3e*ia$ie 3reeren*es or *er"ain ua$i"ies in 3o"en"ia$ %a"es, !hi*h he$3e "o so$'e "he 3ro1$e%s 3ose 15 re3rou*"ion. Aa3"a"ions, in shor", eis" in %oern hu%ans "oa5 1e*ause "he5 he$3e our an*es"ors "o *o%1a" a$$ o "he %an5 hos"i$e or*es o na"ure,ena1$ing "he% "o su**essu$$5 sur'i'e an re3rou*e. Aa3"a"ions are *o3ing e'i*es 3asse o!n o'er %i$$ennia 1e*ause "he5 !or/eno" 3ere*"$5, o *ourse, 1u" "he5he$3e an*es"ra$ hu%ans "o s"rugg$e "hrough "he e'o$u"ionar5 1o""$ene*/s o sur'i'a$ anre3rou*"ion.

Gea$ous5, a**oring "o "his 3ers3e*"i'e, is no" a sign o i%%a"uri"5, 1u" ra"her a su3re%e$5

i%3or"an" 3assion "ha" he$3e our an*es"ors, an %os" $i/e$5 *on"inues "o he$3 us "oa5, "o*o3e !i"h a hos" o rea$ re3rou*"i'e "hrea"s. Gea$ous5, or ea%3$e, %o"i'a"es us "o !aro ri'a$s !i"h 'er1a$ "hrea"s an *o$ 3ri%a"e s"ares. I" ri'es us "o /ee3 3ar"ners ro%s"ra5ing !i"h "a*"i*s su*h as es*a$a"ing 'igi$an*e or sho!ering a 3ar"ner !i"h ae*"ion.An i" *o%%uni*a"es *o%%i"%en" "o a 3ar"ner !ho %a5 1e !a'ering, ser'ing ani%3or"an" 3ur3ose in "he %ain"enan*e o $o'e. Seua$ @ea$ous5 is o"en a su**essu$,a$"hough so%e"i%es e3$osi'e, so$u"ion "o 3ersis"en" 3rei*a%en"s "ha" ea*h one o ouran*es"ors !as or*e "o *onron".

0e are "53i*a$$5 no" *ons*ious o "hese re3rou*"i'e uanaries. #or are !e usua$$5a!are o "he e'o$u"ionar5 $ogi* "ha" $e "o "his angerous 3assion. A %an oes no" "hin/,Oh, i %5 !ie has se !i"h so%eone e$se, "hen %5 *er"ain"5 "ha" I?% "he gene"i* a"her!i$$ 1e @eo3arie, an "his !i$$ enanger "he re3$i*a"ion o %5 genes I?% rea$$5 %a.Or i his 3ar"ner "a/es 1ir"h8*on"ro$ 3i$$s, 0e$$, 1e*ause Goan is "a/ing "he 3i$$, i" oesn?"rea$$5 %a""er !he"her she has se !i"h o"her %en a"er a$$, %5 *er"ain"5 in 3a"erni"5 isse*ure. #or oes a !o%an "hin/, I"?s rea$$5 u3se""ing "ha" Dennis is in $o'e !i"h "ha"o"her !o%an "his @eo3aries %5 ho$ on his e%o"iona$ *o%%i"%en"s "o %e an %5*hi$ren, an hen*e hur"s %5 re3rou*"i'e su**ess. Ins"ea, @ea$ous5 is a 1$in 3assion, @us" as our hunger or s!ee"s an *ra'ing or *o%3anionshi3 are 1$in. Gea$ous5 is



e%o"iona$ !iso%, no" *ons*ious$5 ar"i*u$a"e, 3asse o!n "o us o'er %i$$ions o 5ears 15 our su**essu$ ore1ears. One goa$ o The angerous &assion is "o 1ring "o "he sura*e"he ee3 roo"s o "he inheri"e e%o"iona$ !iso% !e 3ossess.

The Othello Syndrome

Des3i"e i"s 'a$ue or 3eo3$e 3as" an 3resen", @ea$ous5 is an e%o"ion "ha" e3oses 3ar"ners"o e"re%e anger. The ar/ sie o @ea$ous5 *auses %en "o e3$oe 'io$en"$5 "o reu*e"he os "ha" "heir 3ar"ners !i$$ s"ra5. 0o%en see/ing reuge a" she$"ers or 1a""ere!o%en a$%os" in'aria1$5 re3or" "ha" "heir hus1ans see"he !i"h @ea$ous5. In one s"u5 o 1a""ere !o%en, %an5 o !ho% reuire %ei*a$ a""en"ion, "he "53i*a$ !o%an re3or"e"ha" her hus1an "ries "o $i%i" %5 *on"a*" !i"h riens an a%i$5 ("he "a*"i* o*on*ea$%en"&, insis"s on /no!ing !here I a% a" a$$ "i%es ("he "a*"i* o 'igi$an*e&, an*a$$s %e na%es "o 3u" %e o!n an %a/e %e ee$ 1a a1ou" %5se$ ("he "a*"i* ouner%ining se$8es"ee%&.Gea$ous5 is "he $eaing *ause o s3ousa$ 1a""ering, 1u" i"?s e'en!orse "han "ha". Men?s @ea$ous5 3u"s !o%en a" ris/ o 1eing /i$$e.

6onsier "he o$$o!ing re%ar/s %ae "o 3o$i*e 15 a -+85ear8o$ %an !ho s"a11e his 85ear8o$ !ie "o ea"h, a"er "he5 ha 1een reuni"e o$$o!ing a si8%on"h se3ara"ion.

Then she sai "ha" sin*e she *a%e 1a*/ in A3ri$ she ha u*/e "his o"her %an a1ou" "en"i%es. I "o$ her ho! *an 5ou "a$/ a1ou" $o'e an %arriage an 5ou 1een u*/ing "hiso"her %an. I !as rea$$5 %a. I !en" "o "he /i"*hen an go" "he /nie. I !en" 1a*/ "o ourroo% an as/e2 0ere 5ou serious !hen 5ou "o$ %e "ha" She sai 5es. 0e ough" on "he 1e, I !as s"a11ing her. Her grana"her *a%e u3 an "rie "o "a/e "he /nie ou" o %5

han. I "o$ hi% "o go an *a$$ "he *o3s or %e. I on?" /no! !h5 I /i$$e "he !o%an, I$o'e her.

Gea$ous5 *an 1e e%o"iona$ a*i "ha" *orroes %arriages, uner%ines se$8es"ee%, "riggers 1a""ering, an $eas "o "he u$"i%a"e *ri%e o %urer. Des3i"e i"s angerous %anies"a"ions, @ea$ous5 he$3e "o so$'e a *ri"i*a$ re3rou*"i'e uanar5 or an*es"ra$ %en. Gea$ous %en!ere %ore $i/e$5 "o 3reser'e "heir 'a$ua1$e *o%%i"%en"s or "heir o!n *hi$ren ra"her"han suanering "he% on "he *hi$ren o "heir ri'a$s. As es*enan"s o a $ong $ine o%en !ho a*"e "o ensure "heir 3a"erni"5, %oern %en *arr5 !i"h "he% "he angerous

3assion "ha" $e "o "heir ore1ears? re3rou*"i'e su**ess.

A 3roessiona$ *ou3$e "hera3is" I /no! re$a"e "o %e "he o$$o!ing s"or5. A 5oung *ou3$e,Goan an Ri*har, *a%e "o her !i"h a *o%3$ain" o irra"iona$ @ea$ous5. 0i"hou" 3ro'o*a"ion, Ri*har !ou$ 1urs" in"o @ea$ous "iraes an a**use Goan o s$ee3ing !i"hano"her %an. His un*on"ro$$a1$e @ea$ous5 !as es"ro5ing "heir %arriage. Ri*har anGoan 1o"h agree on "his 3oin". 6ou$ "he "hera3is" he$3 *ure Ri*har o irra"iona$ @ea$ous5 A *o%%on 3ra*"i*e in *ou3$e "hera35 is "o ha'e a" $eas" one session !i"h ea*h



%e%1er o "he *ou3$e ini'iua$$5. The irs" ues"ion "he "hera3is" 3ose "o Goan uring"his ini'iua$ in"er'ie! !as2 Are 5ou ha'ing an aair She 1urs" in"o "ears an*onesse "ha", inee, she ha 1een *arr5ing on an aair or "he 3as" si %on"hs.Ri*har?s @ea$ous5, i" "urne ou", ha no" 1een irra"iona$ a"er a$$. He ha 1een 3i*/ing u3on su1"$e *ues o his !ie?s inie$i"5 "ha" "riggere his @ea$ous5. Sin*e he "rus"e Goan an

she ha assure hi% o her ie$i"5, ho!e'er, he 1e$ie'e "ha" his @ea$ous5 ha 1eenirra"iona$. In a sense, Ri*har ha ai$e "o $is"en "o his in"erna$ e%o"iona$ !his3erings.He *a%e "o "he !rong *on*$usion 1e*ause he o'erroe his ee$ings !i"h ra"iona$i"5.

This e3isoe ga'e %e "he irs" hin" "ha" @ea$ous5 re3resen"e a or% o an*es"ra$ !iso%"ha" *an ha'e useu$ as !e$$ as es"ru*"i'e *onseuen*es. Des3i"e "he 3ossi1$e haars o*onu*"ing resear*h on @ea$ous5, i"s 3o"en*5 *on'in*e %e "ha" i" *ou$ no" 1e ignore 15s*ien*e. In sur'e5s !e is*o'ere "ha" near$5 a$$ %en an !o%en ha'e e3erien*e a"$eas" one e3isoe o in"ense @ea$ous5. Thir"58one 3er*en" sa5 "ha" "heir 3ersona$ @ea$ous5has so%e"i%es 1een ii*u$" "o *on"ro$. An a%ong "hose !ho a%i" "o 1eing @ea$ous, -: 3er*en" sa5 "ha" "heir @ea$ous5 has $e "he% "o !an" "o hur" so%eone.

E"re%e @ea$ous5 has 1een gi'en %an5 na%es"he O"he$$o s5nro%e, %or1i @ea$ous5, 3s5*ho"i* @ea$ous5, 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5, *on@uga$ 3aranoia, an ero"i* @ea$ous5s5nro%e. Gea$ous5, o *ourse, *an 1e 3a"ho$ogi*a$. I" *an es"ro5 3re'ious$5 har%oniousre$a"ionshi3s, renering "he% he$$ish nigh"%ares o ai$5 eis"en*e. Trus" s$o!$5 1ui$"ro% 5ears o %u"ua$ re$ian*e *an 1e "orn asuner in a *rashing %o%en". As !e !i$$e3$ore in a $a"er *ha3"er, @ea$ous5 $eas %ore !o%en "o $ee in "error "o she$"ers "han an5o"her *ause. A u$$ +- 3er*en" o a$$ ho%i*ies are s3ousa$ %urers, an @ea$ous5 iso'er!he$%ing$5 "he $eaing *ause.

Bu" es"ru*"ion oes no" ne*essari$5 eua$ 3a"ho$og5. The 3a"ho$ogi*a$ as3e*" o e"re%e

@ea$ous5, a**oring "o "he %ains"rea% !iso%, is no" "he @ea$ous5 i"se$. I" is "he e$usion"ha" a $o'e one has *o%%i""e an inie$i"5 !hen none has o**urre. The rage i"se$u3on "he a*"ua$ is*o'er5 o an inie$i"5 is so%e"hing 3eo3$e e'er5!here in"ui"i'e$5uners"an. In Teas un"i$ +=<;, a hus1an !ho /i$$e a !ie an her $o'er !hen he*augh" "he%in flagrante delicto !as no" @uge a *ri%ina$. In a*", "he $a! he$ "ha" areasona1$e %an !ou$ res3on "o su*h e"re%e 3ro'o*a"ion !i"h a*"s o 'io$en*e.Si%i$ar $a!s ha'e 1een on "he 1oo/s !or$!ie. E"re%e rage u3on is*o'ering a !iena/e in "he ar%s o ano"her %an is so%e"hing "ha" 3eo3$e e'er5!here in in"ui"i'e$5*o%3rehensi1$e. 6ri%ina$ a*"s "ha" !ou$ nor%a$$5 re*ei'e harsh 3rison sen"en*esrou"ine$5 ge" reu*e !hen "he 'i*"i%?s inie$i"5 is "he e"enua"ing *ir*u%s"an*e.

The 'ie! o @ea$ous5 as 3a"ho$ogi*a$ ignores a 3rooun a*" a1ou" an i%3or"an" eenseesigne "o *o%1a" a rea$ "hrea". Gea$ous5 is no" a$!a5s a rea*"ion "o an inie$i"5 "ha" hasa$rea5 1een is*o'ere. I" *an 1e an an"i*i3a"or5 res3onse, a 3ree%3"i'e s"ri/e "o 3re'en" an inie$i"5 "ha" %igh" o**ur. >a1e$ing @ea$ous5 as 3a"ho$ogi*a$ si%3$5 1e*ause as3ouse has no" 5e" s"ra5e ignores "he a*" "ha" @ea$ous5 *an hea o an inie$i"5 "ha"%igh" 1e $ur/ing on "he horion o a re$a"ionshi3.



E*essi'e @ea$ous5 *an 1e e"raorinari$5 es"ru*"i'e. Bu" %oera"e @ea$ous5, no" ane*ess or an a1sen*e, signa$s *o%%i"%en". This 1oo/ e3$ores 1o"h sies o "his ou1$e8ege eense %e*hanis%.

To uners"an "he 3o!er o "his e"raorinar5 e%o"ion, !e %us" "ra*e i" "o i"s origin, $ong

1eore *a3i"a$is%, $ong 1eore agri*u$"ure an *ash e*ono%ies, $ong 1eore !ri"ing anre*ore his"or5, an $ong 1eore hu%ans anne ou" an *o$onie e'er5 ha1i"a1$e*on"inen". 0e %us" "ra*e i"s roo"s "o "he e'o$u"ion o one o "he %os" unusua$ aa3"a"ionsin 3ri%a"e his"or5, 5e" one "ha" !e "a/e so %u*h or gran"e "ha" i"s eis"en*e is har$5ues"ione2 "he e%ergen*e o $ong8"er% $o'e.

The Evolution of Love

Our *$oses" 3ri%a"e *ousins, "he *hi%3anees, $a*/ e*$usi'e seua$ 1ons. Mos" %a"ing"a/es 3$a*e !i"hin "he narro! !ino! o e%a$e es"rus. 0hen a e%a$e *hi%3anee is inhea", a 'arie"5 o 3h5sio$ogi*a$ *hanges "a/e 3$a*e. Her geni"a$s 1e*o%e s!o$$en an 3in/

or our "o si a5s. The s!e$$ings 3ea/ @us" 1eore o'u$a"ion !hen she is %os" $i/e$5 "o*on*ei'e. She e%i"s 3hero%ona$ signa$s, hor%one8sa"ura"e su1s"an*es "ha" %a$es ines3e*ia$$5 a""ra*"i'e, so%e"i%es ri'ing "he% in"o a seua$ ren5. Sarah Hr5 o "heUni'ersi"5 o 6a$iornia a" Da'is no"es "ha" %a$es so%e"i%es "ou*h "he 'agina o "hees"rous e%a$e, ga"hering her se*re"ions on "heir ingers "o s%e$$ or "as"e. Ma$es use "hesesigna$s "o %oni"or "he e%a$e?s re3rou*"i'e s"a"e.

A %a$e *hi%3anee?s 3osi"ion in "he so*ia$ hierar*h5 s"rong$5 e"er%ines his seua$a**ess "o es"rous e%a$es. A%ong "he *hi%3anees a" a $arge oo *o$on5 in Arnha%, "he #e"her$ans, or ea%3$e, "he o%inan" %a$e a*hie'es as %an5 as <J 3er*en" o "he%a"ings !i"h es"rous e%a$es. The re$a"ionshi3s 1e"!een %a$e an e%a$e *hi%3s are

*o%3$e an *an e"en o'er "i%e, 1u" *hi%3s o no" or% "he $ong8"er% *o%%i""ere$a"ionshi3s "ha" %os" hu%ans esire.

Men an !o%en ha'e a$!a5s e3ene on ea*h o"her or sur'i'a$ an re3rou*"ion.>o'e !as no" in'en"e a e! hunre 5ears ago 15 Euro3ean 3oe"s, *on"rar5 "o*on'en"iona$ !iso% in "his *en"ur5. >o'e is a hu%an uni'ersa$, o**urring in so*ie"iesranging ro% "he CKung San o Bo"s!ana "o "he A*he o Paragua5. In %5 s"u5 o +,;+ini'iua$s ro% -< ieren" *u$"ures, %en an !o%en ra"e $o'e as "he sing$e %os"i%3or"an" ua$i"5 in se$e*"ing a s3ouse. A*ross "he g$o1e, 3eo3$e sing $o'e songs an 3ineor $os" $o'ers. The5 e$o3e !i"h $o'e ones agains" "he !ishes o 3aren"s. The5 re*oun" 3ersona$ "a$es o anguish, $onging, an unreui"e $o'e. An "he5 narra"e grea" $o'e

s"ories o ro%an"i* en"ang$e%en"s o!n "hrough "he genera"ions. The er%an !ri"erHer%an Hesse su%%e i" u3 1es"2 >ie is "he s"rugg$e or 3osi"ion an "he sear*h or$o'e. >o'e is "he uni'ersa$ hu%an e%o"ion "ha" 1ons "he sees, "he e'o$u"ionar5%ee"ing groun !here %en an !o%en $a5 o!n "heir ar%s.

The uni'ersa$ eis"en*e o $o'e, ho!e'er, 3oses a 3u$e. Fro% an e'o$u"ionar5 3ers3e*"i'e, no sing$e e*ision is %ore i%3or"an" "han "he *hoi*e o a %a"e. Tha" sing$eor/ in "he roa e"er%ines one?s u$"i%a"e re3rou*"i'e a"e. More "han in an5 o"her



o%ain, "hereore, !e e3e*" e'o$u"ion "o 3rou*e su3re%e$5 ra"iona$ %e*hanis%s o%a"e *hoi*e, ra"iona$ in "he sense "ha" "he5 $ea "o !ise e*isions ra"her "han i%3e"uous%is"a/es. Ho! *ou$ a 1$in 3assion $i/e $o'ea or% o e%en"ia "ha" *onsu%es "he%in, *ro!s ou" a$$ o"her "hough"s, *rea"es e%o"iona$ e3enen*5, an 3rou*es ae$usiona$ iea$ia"ion o a 3ar"ner3ossi1$5 e'o$'e "o so$'e a 3ro1$e% "ha" %igh" 1e

1e""er so$'e 15 *oo$ ra"iona$i"5

To 3ene"ra"e "his %5s"er5, !e %us" s"ar" !i"h "he s*ien"ii* e'ien*e or %a"e 3reeren*es.0or$!ie, ro% "he *oas"a$ !e$$ing Aus"ra$ians "o "he Sou"h Ari*an Lu$u, !o%enesire ua$i"ies su*h as a%1i"ion, inus"riousness, in"e$$igen*e, e3ena1i$i"5, *rea"i'i"5,e*i"ing 3ersona$i"5, an sense o hu%or*hara*"eris"i*s "ha" augur !e$$ or a %an?ssu**ess in a*uiring resour*es an a*hie'ing s"a"us. i'en "he "re%enous in'es"%en"!o%en uner"a/e "o 3rou*e a sing$e *hi$, "he nine %on"hs o *os"$5 in"erna$er"i$ia"ion an ges"a"ion, i" is 3ere*"$5 reasona1$e or !o%en "o !an" %en !ho *anin'es" in re"urn. A !o%an?s *hi$ren !i$$ sur'i'e an "hri'e 1e""er i she se$e*"s aresour*eu$ %an. 6hi$ren suer !hen "heir %o"hers *hoose s$a*/ers. Men, in *on"ras",

3$a*e a grea"er 3re%iu% on ua$i"ies $in/e !i"h er"i$i"5, su*h as a !o%an?s 5ou"h,hea$"h, an 3h5si*a$ a33earan*e*$ear s/in, s%oo"h s/in, 1righ" e5es, u$$ $i3s,s5%%e"ri*a$ ea"ures, an a s$i% !ais". These 3reeren*es are a$so 3ere*"$5 sensi1$e. 0ees*ene ro% an*es"ra$ %o"hers an a"hers !ho *hose er"i$e an resour*eu$ 3ar"ners.Those !ho ai$e "o *hoose on "hese 1ases ris/e re3rou*"i'e o1$i'ion.

A$"hough "hese ra"iona$ esires se" %ini%u% "hresho$s on !ho ua$iies as an a**e3"a1$e%a"e, ra"iona$i"5 3rooun$5 ai$s "o 3rei*" "he ina$ *hoi*e o a %a"e. As "he 3s5*ho$ogis"S"e'en Pin/er o "he Massa*huse""s Ins"i"u"e o Te*hno$og5 o1ser'es, Mur%uring "ha"5our $o'er?s $oo/s, earning 3o!er, an IN %ee" 5our %ini%a$ s"anars !ou$ 3ro1a1$5/i$$ "he ro%an"i* %oo, e'en i s"a"is"i*a$$5 "rue. The !a5 "o a 3erson?s hear" is "o e*$are

"he o33osi"e"ha" 5ou?re in $o'e 1e*ause 5ou *an?" he$3 i".

One /e5 "o "he %5s"er5 o $o'e is oun in "he 3s5*ho$og5 o *o%%i"%en". I a 3ar"ner*hooses 5ou or ra"iona$ reasons, he or she %igh" $ea'e 5ou or "he sa%e ra"iona$ reasons2ining so%eone s$igh"$5 %ore esira1$e on a$$ o "he ra"iona$ *ri"eria. Bu" i "he 3ersonis 1$ine 15 an un*on"ro$$a1$e $o'e "ha" *anno" 1e he$3e an *anno" 1e *hosen, a $o'eor on$5 5ou an no o"her, "hen *o%%i"%en" !i$$ no" !a'er !hen 5ou are in si*/nessra"her "han in hea$"h, !hen 5ou are 3oorer ra"her "han ri*her. >o'e o'erries ra"iona$i"5.I"?s "he e%o"ion "ha" ensures "ha" 5ou !on?" $ea'e !hen so%eone s$igh"$5 %ore esira1$e*o%es a$ong or !hen a 3ere*" + %o'es in ne" oor. I" ensures "ha" a 3ar"ner !i$$s"i*/ 15 5ou "hrough "he s"rugg$es o sur'i'a$ an "he haars o *hi$1ir"h.

>o'e, ho!e'er, has a "ragi* sie. The s"ories o grea" $o'ers o "he 3as", in i*"ion an inhis"or5, are o"en %ar/e 15 isas"er. Gu$ie" ie o 3oison. Ro%eo *hose "o /i$$ hi%se$ra"her "han $i'e !i"hou" her. >o'e sui*ies ha'e 3er'ae Ga3anese *u$"ure or *en"uries, aina$ 'ini*a"ion o "he in"ensi"5 o a 3erson?s *o%%i"%en". 0hen 3aren"s an so*ie"5*ons3ire "o /ee3 $o'ers a3ar", $o'ers so%e"i%es "ie "he%se$'es "oge"her an @u%3 o a*$i or hur$ "he%se$'es in"o a !e$$. The %os" 3eri$ous sie o $o'e, ho!e'er, *o%es no"



ro% a folie 1 deux% 1u" ro% a folie 1 un "he e%oni* 3ossession "ha" *onsu%es a 3erson!hen $o'e is no" re*i3ro*a"e. Unreui"e $o'e is "he ouna"ion or a"a$ a""ra*"ion.

6onsier "he *ase o Gohn 0. Hin*/$e5, Gr., !ho s*ra!$e a ina$ $e""er "o "he a*"ress GoieFos"er on Mar*h -, +=:+, shor"$5 1eore a""e%3"ing "o assassina"e Presien" Rona$

Reagan2

ear Jodie!

There is a eini"e 3ossi1i$i"5 "ha" I !i$$ 1e /i$$e in %5 a""e%3" "o ge" Reagan. I" is or"his 'er5 reason I a% !ri"ing 5ou "his $e""er no!.

As 5ou !e$$ /no! 15 no! I $o'e 5ou 'er5 %u*h. O'er "he 3as" se'en %on"hs I?'e $e"5ou oens o 3oe%s, $e""ers an $o'e %essages in "he ain" ho3e "ha" 5ou *ou$ e'e$o3

an in"eres" in %e . . . I /no! "he %an5 %essages $e" a" 5our oor an in 5our %ai$1o!ere a nuisan*e, 1u" I e$" "ha" i" !as "he %os" 3ain$ess !a5 or %e "o e3ress %5 $o'e or5ou . . .

Goie, I !ou$ a1anon "his iea o ge""ing Reagan in a se*on i I *ou$ on$5 !in 5ourhear" an $i'e ou" "he res" o %5 $ie !i"h 5ou . . . I !i$$ a%i" "o 5ou "ha" "he reason I?%going ahea !i"h "his a""e%3" no! is 1e*ause I @us" *anno" !ai" an5 $onger "o i%3ress5ou. I?'e go" "o o so%e"hing no! "o %a/e 5ou uners"an, in no un*er"ain "er%s, "ha" Ia% oing "his or 5our sa/eC B5 sa*rii*ing %5 reeo% an 3ossi1$5 %5 $ie, I ho3e "o*hange 5our %in a1ou" %e. This $e""er is 1eing !ri""en on$5 an hour 1eore I $ea'e or"he Hi$"on Ho"e$. Goie, I?% as/ing 5ou "o 3$ease $oo/ in"o 5our hear" an a" $eas" gi'e %e

"he *han*e, !i"h "his his"ori* ee, "o gain 5our res3e*" an $o'e.

I $o'e 5ou ore'er.

Gohn Hin*/$e5

6ases as e"re%e as Gohn Hin*/$e5 are rare, 1u" "he e3erien*e o unreui"e $o'e is ui"e*o%%on. In one re*en" sur'e5, =J 3er*en" o %en an !o%en ini*a"e "ha", 15 "he ageo J, "he5 ha e3erien*e unreui"e $o'e a" $eas" on*e, ei"her as a !ou$81e $o'er

!hose 3assions !ere re@e*"e or as "he o1@e*" o so%eone?s un!an"e esires. On$5 one 3erson in has ne'er e3erien*e unreui"e $o'e o an5 /in.

A$"hough unreui"e $o'e is a 3eri$ous 3assion, 3rou*ing a"a$ a""ra*"ions an un!an"es"a$/ing, "he ogge 3ersis"en*e i" 3rou*es so%e"i%es 3a5s o. One o "he grea" $o'es"ories in his"or5 is "ha" o #i*ho$as an A$eanra. #i*ho$as inheri"e "he Russian "hronea" "he en o "he +="h *en"ur5. During his ao$es*en*e his 3aren"s s"ar"e $oo/ing or asui"a1$e %a"e or hi%. A" age +9, *on"rar5 "o his 3aren"?s !ishes, he 1e*a%e o1sesse



!i"h A$eanra, a 1eau"iu$ 3rin*ess "hen $i'ing in Eng$an !i"h her gran%o"her, NueenVi*"oria. Des3i"e 3aren"a$ o1@e*"ions, *u$"ura$ *has%s, an a se3ara"ion s3anning"housans o %i$es, #i*ho$as !as e"er%ine "o *a3"ure A$eanra?s $o'e. A$eanra,ho!e'er, oun hi% a 1i" u$$ an i no" re$ish "he "hough" o %o'ing "o "he harsh*$i%a"e o Mos*o!. She s3urne his a'an*es. In +:=, #i*ho$as "urne ; an, ha'ing

$o'e A$eanra or near$5 eigh" 5ears, reso$'e "o %a/e one ina$ eor" "o !in her hear".i'en "his s"a"e o %in, he !as e'as"a"e !hen she !ro"e sa5ing "ha" she ha eini"e$5e*ie no" "o !e hi%. She as/e hi% no" "o *on"a*" her again. A$$ see%e $os".

#i*ho$as $e" his 1e$o'e Mos*o! i%%eia"e$5. He "ra'e$e a*ross Euro3e, sueringrough "errain an "rea*herous !ea"her in "he @ourne5 "o >onon. A$"hough ehaus"ero% "ra'e$, #i*ho$as i%%eia"e$5 1egan "o 3ersue A$eanra !i"h grea" 3assion. A"er"!o %on"hs, she ina$$5 re$en"e an agree "o %arr5 hi%. The 5oung *ou3$e "hus 1e*a%e%an an !ie, ru$ers o "he Russian e%3ire.

A$"hough #i*ho$as?s $o'e !as ini"ia$$5 unreui"e, "heir %arriage 3ro'e a @o5u$ one.

Diar5 en"ries ro% ea*h re'ea$e su1$i%e ha33iness, "he grea" @o5 o "heir union, an "hee3"h o "heir $o'e or ea*h o"her. The5 3rou*e i'e *hi$ren. #i*ho$as so en@o5es3ening "i%e !i"h A$eanra an "heir *hi$ren "ha" "he Russian e%3ire a33aren"$5suere ro% his neg$e*". 0hen or*e "o 1e a3ar", "he5 3ine or ea*h o"her, !ro"e o"en,an enure grea" 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ 3ain un"i$ "heir reunions. Their %u"ua$ $o'e $as"e"hroughou" "heir $i'es, un"i$ "he Russian Re'o$u"ion 1rough" o!n "he *aris" ru$e an"he5 !ere ee*u"e. The5 ie on "he sa%e a5, "heir $ie$ong $o'e ne'er ha'ingi%inishe. Ha #i*ho$as gi'en u3 !hen ini"ia$$5 s3urne, "heir grea" $o'e !ou$ ha'e 1een $os" ore'er.

The sa%e 3assion "ha" $e Gohn Hin*/$e5 "o 3ursue Goie Fos"er !i"h es3era"e %easures

$e #i*ho$as "o su**ee in "urning an unreui"e o1session in"o $ie$ong $o'e. Inre"ros3e*", one see%s irra"iona$ an un1a$an*e, "he o"her $ogi*a$ an nor%a$. One !e*a$$ 3a"ho$ogi*a$, "he o"her a $o'e s"or5. Bu" !ha" i Hin*/$e5 ha su**eee in !inningGoie Fos"er?s $o'e an #i*ho$as ha ai$e in his ues" or A$eanra >o'e is aangerous 3assion "ha" *u"s 1o"h !a5s. There?s a ra"iona$i"5 "o "he irra"iona$i"5.

On*e hu%ans e'o$'e $o'e, "he 1ons "he5 *rea"e reuire 3ro"e*"ion. I" !ou$ 1ee"raorinari$5 un$i/e$5 "ha" e'o$u"ion !ou$ ai$ "o een "hese ragi$e an rui"u$unions agains" in"er$o3ers. In "he inse*" !or$, "here is a s3e*ies /no!n as "he $o'e1ug.Ma$e $o'e1ugs 'en"ure ou" in a s!ar% o o"her %a$es ea*h %orning in sear*h o a *han*e"o %a"e !i"h a e%a$e. 0hen one su**ees, "he *ou3$e e3ar"s ro% "he s!ar% an g$ies"o "he groun "o *o3u$a"e. Be*ause o"her %a$es so%e"i%es a""e%3" "o *o3u$a"e !i"h her,e'en a"er "he 3air has 1egun %a"ing, "he *ou3$e %ain"ains a *on"inuous *o3u$a"or5e%1ra*e or as $ong as "hree a5s, hen*e "he ni*/na%e "he $o'e1ug. This s"ra"eg5guars "he union agains" ou"sie in"ruers.

In hu%ans, guaring a 1on %us" $as" %ore "han a5s, %on"hs, or e'en 5ears 1e*ause$o'e *an $as" a $ie"i%e. The angerous e%o"ion o @ea$ous5 e'o$'e "o i$$ "his 'oi. >o'ean @ea$ous5 are in"er"!ine 3assions. The5 e3en on ea*h o"her an ee on ea*h o"her.



Bu" @us" as "he 3ro$onge e%1ra*e o "he $o'e1ug "e$$s us "ha" "heir 1ons *an 1e"hrea"ene, "he 3o!er o @ea$ous5 re'ea$s "he e'er83resen" 3ossi1i$i"5 "ha" our $o'e 1ons*an 1e 1ro/en. The *en"ra$i"5 o @ea$ous5 in hu%an $o'e re'ea$s a hien sie o ouresires, one "ha" !e "53i*a$$5 go "o grea" $eng"hs "o *on*ea$a 3assion or o"her 3ar"ners.

Hidden Desires

One Suna5 %orning 0i$$ia% 1urs" in"o "he $i'ing roo% an sai, DaC Mo%C I ha'eso%e grea" ne!s or 5ouC I?% ge""ing %arrie "o "he %os" 1eau"iu$ gir$ in "o!n. She $i'esa 1$o*/ a!a5 an her na%e is Susan. A"er inner, 0i$$ia%?s a "oo/ hi% asie. Son, Iha'e "o "a$/ !i"h 5ou. Your %o"her an I ha'e 1een %arrie - 5ears. She?s a !oneru$!ie, 1u" has ne'er oere %u*h e*i"e%en" in "he 1eroo%, so I use "o oo$ aroun!i"h !o%en a $o". Susan is a*"ua$$5 5our ha$8sis"er, an I?% arai 5ou *an?" %arr5 her.

0i$$ia% !as hear"1ro/en. A"er eigh" %on"hs he e'en"ua$$5 s"ar"e a"ing again. A 5ear$a"er he *a%e ho%e an 3rou$5 announ*e, Dianne sai 5esC 0e?re ge""ing %arrie in

Gune. Again, his a"her insis"e on a 3ri'a"e *on'ersa"ion an 1ro/e "he sa ne!s.Dianne is 5our ha$8sis"er "oo, 0i$$ia%. I?% a!u$$5 sorr5 a1ou" "his.

0i$$ia% !as urious. He ina$$5 e*ie "o go "o his %o"her !i"h "he ne!s. Da hasone so %u*h har%. I guess I?% ne'er going "o ge" %arrie, he *o%3$aine. E'er5 "i%eI a$$ in $o'e, Da "e$$s %e "he gir$ is %5 ha$8sis"er.

His %o"her @us" shoo/ her hea. Don?" 3a5 an5 a""en"ion "o !ha" he sa5s, ear. He?s no"rea$$5 5our a"her.

0e in "his s"or5 unn5 no" si%3$5 1e*ause "he ening *arries a sur3rise. I"?s a%using 1e*ause "he %o"her u$"i%a"e$5 ge"s 3a51a*/ or "he a"her?s 3hi$anering. 6u*/o$s areuni'ersa$ o1@e*"s o $augh"er an erision, an a *ons"an" sour*e o engaging "a$es ro%"he "rage5 o 0i$$ia% Sha/es3eare?s2thello "o "he %i$e8*$ass %ari"a$ ra%as 3or"ra5e in "he no'e$s o Gohn U3i/e.

To uners"an "he origins o seua$ 3assion !e %us" in"rou*e a is"ur1ing ieren*e 1e"!een "he sees. E'er5a5 o1ser'a"ion "e$$s us "ha" %en are %ore 3ro%is*uous$5in*$ine "han !o%en. Men oun "o esire %ore se 3ar"ners "han !o%en esire !ou$ 1e no %ore $i/e$5 "o %a/e "he hea$ines "han Dog 1i"es %an. Bu" s*ien"ii* 'erii*a"ion

is a$!a5s useu$, sin*e *o%%on sense, !hi*h "e$$s us "ha" "he ear"h is $a", so%e"i%es"urns ou" "o 1e !rong. S*ien*e, in "his *ase, has 'eriie "he e'er5a5 /no!$ege "ha"%en o is3$a5 a grea"er 3assion or 3$a5ing aroun. In one o our re*en" s"uies o %ore"han +, %en an !o%en, %en re3or"e esiring eigh" se 3ar"ners o'er "he ne" "hree5ears, !hereas !o%en re3or"e esiring on$5 one or "!o. In ano"her s"u5, %en !ere our"i%es %ore $i/e$5 "han !o%en "o sa5 "ha" "he5 ha'e i%agine ha'ing se !i"h +, or%ore 3ar"ners.



O1ser'ing "ha" %en an !o%en ier, ho!e'er, is no" "he sa%e as e3$ainingwhy "he5ier. There are *o%3e$$ing e'o$u"ionar5 reasons or "he a*" "ha" "his ieren*e in esireor seua$ 'arie"5 is uni'ersa$, oun no" @us" in *u$"ures sa"ura"e !i"h %eia i%ages oseu*"i'e %oe$s, no" @us" a%ong Hugh Hener?s genera"ion o &lay0oy reaers, an no" @us" in s"uies *onu*"e 15 %a$e s*ien"is"s. To e3$ain "his esire, !e %us" in"rou*e

ano"her /e5 a*" a1ou" hu%an re3rou*"i'e 1io$og5.

To 3rou*e a sing$e *hi$, !o%en 1ear "he 1urens an 3$easures o nine %on"hs o 3regnan*5an o1$iga"or5 or% o 3aren"a$ in'es"%en" "ha" %en *anno" share. Men, "o 3rou*e "he sa%e *hi$, nee on$5 e'o"e a e! hours, a e! %inu"es, or e'en a e!se*ons. 0ie is "he gu$ 1e"!een %en an !o%en in "he eor" neee "o 1ring or"h ne!$ie. O'er "i%e, "hereore, a s"ra"eg5 o *asua$ %a"ing 3ro'e "o 1e %ore re3rou*"i'e$5su**essu$ or %en "han or !o%en. Men !ho su**eee in "he ar%s o %an5 !o%enou"8re3rou*e %en !ho su**eee !i"h e!er. An an*es"ra$ !o%an, in *on"ras", *ou$ha'e ha se !i"h hunres o 3ar"ners in "he *ourse o a sing$e 5ear an s"i$$ ha'e 3rou*e on$5 a sing$e *hi$. Un$ess a !o%an?s regu$ar 3ar"ner 3ro'e "o 1e iner"i$e,

ai"iona$ se 3ar"ners i no" "rans$a"e in"o ai"iona$ *hi$ren. As a *onseuen*e, %ene'o$'e a %ore 3o!eru$ *ra'ing or se !i"h a 'arie"5 o !o%en.

This se ieren*e in esire *rea"es an in"riguing 3u$e. Seua$ en*oun"ers reuire "!o 3eo3$e. Ma"he%a"i*a$$5, "he nu%1er o he"eroseua$ en*oun"ers %us" 1e ien"i*a$ or "hesees. Men *anno" sa"is5 "heir $us" or se 3ar"ners !i"hou" !i$$ing !o%en. Inee,%en?s 3assion or %u$"i3$e 3ar"ners *ou$ ne'er ha'e e'o$'e un$ess "here !ere so%e!o%en !ho share "ha" esire. Is *asua$ se a re*en" 3heno%enon, 3erha3s *rea"e 15 "he!ies3rea 3re'a$en*e o 1ir"h *on"ro$ e'i*es "ha" $i1era"e !o%en ro% "he 3re'iousris/s o 3regnan*5 Or i an*es"ra$ !o%en o i" "oo

Three s*ien"ii* *$ues, !hen "a/en "oge"her, 3ro'ie a *o%3e$$ing ans!er. Men?s seua$ @ea$ous5 3ro'ies "he irs" *$ue, "he o%inous 3assion "ha" $e us "o "his %5s"er5. Ian*es"ra$ !o%en !ere na"ura$$5 in*$ine "o 1e $a!$ess$5 ai"hu$, %en !ou$ ha'e ha noe'o$u"ionar5 *a"a$5s" or @ea$ous5. Men?s @ea$ous5 is an e'o$u"ionar5 res3onse "oso%e"hing a$ar%ing2 "he "hrea" o a $o'e one?s inie$i"5. The in"ensi"5 o %en?s @ea$ous5 3ro'ies a 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ *$ue "ha" 1e"ra5s !o%en?s esire or %en o"her "han "heirregu$ar 3ar"ners.

Se*on, aairs are /no!n in a$$ *u$"ures, in*$uing "ri1a$ so*ie"ies, 3oin"ing "o "heuni'ersa$ 3re'a$en*e o inie$i"5. Pre'a$en*e ra"es 'ar5 ro% *u$"ure "o *u$"ure (high inS!een an $o! in 6hina&, 1u" aairs o**ur e'er5!here. Seua$ inie$i"5 *auses i'or*e!or$!ie %ore "han an5 o"her %ari"a$ 'io$a"ion, 1eing *$ose$5 ri'a$e on$5 15 "heiner"i$i"5 o "he union. The a*" "ha" !o%en ha'e aairs in *u$"ures ro% "he Ti!i onor"hern Aus"ra$ia "o "he su1ur1s o >os Ange$es re'ea$s "ha" so%e !o%en reuse "o $i%i""he%se$'es "o a sing$e 3ar"ner es3i"e %en?s a""e%3"s "o *on"ro$ "he% an es3i"e "he ris/o i'or*e i is*o'ere.

A "hir $ine o e'ien*e *o%es ro% ne! resear*h on hu%an s3er% *o%3e"i"ion. S3er%*o%3e"i"ion o**urs !hen "he s3er% ro% "!o ieren" %en inha1i" a !o%an?s



re3rou*"i'e "ra*" a" "he sa%e "i%e. Hu%an s3er% re%ain 'ia1$e !i"hin "he !o%an?s "ra*"or u3 "o se'en a5s, no" %ere$5 one or "!o a5s as s*ien"is"s 3re'ious$5 1e$ie'e.Inee, %5 *o$$eagues ha'e is*o'ere hunres o *r53"s re*esse !i"hin "he 'agina$!a$$s o !o%en in !hi*h "he5 s"ore a %an?s s3er% an "hen re$ease i" se'era$ a5s $a"er"o en"er a %ara"hon ra*e "o her egg. I a !o%an has se !i"h "!o %en !i"hin "he *ourse

o a !ee/, s3er% *o%3e"i"ion *an ensue, as "he s3er% ro% ieren" %en s*ra%1$e an 1a""$e or "he 3rie o er"i$iing "he egg. Resear*h on s3er% *o%3e"i"ion re'ea$s "ha"%en?s s3er% 'o$u%e, re$a"i'e "o "heir 1o5 !eigh", is "!i*e "ha" !hi*h o**urs in 3ri%a"es3e*ies /no!n "o 1e %onoga%ous, a *$ue "ha" hin"s a" a $ong e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5 ohu%an s3er% *o%3e"i"ion.

Hu%an s3er%, %oreo'er, *o%e in ieren" %or3hs, or sha3es, esigne or ieren"un*"ions. Mos" *o%%on are "he egg ge""ers, "he s"anar go'ern%en"8issue s3er% !i"h*oni*a$ heas an sine!5 "ai$s esigne or s!i%%ing s3ee"he Mar/ S3i"es o "hes3er% !or$. Bu" a su1s"an"ia$ %inori"5 o s3er% ha'e *oi$e "ai$s. These so8*a$$e/a%i/ae s3er% are 3oor$5 esigne or s!i%%ing s3ee. Bu" "ha"?s no" "heir un*"ion.

0hen "he s3er% ro% "!o ieren" %en are %ie in "he $a1ora"or5, /a%i/ae s3er%!ra3 "he%se$'es aroun "he egg ge""ers an es"ro5 "he%, *o%%i""ing sui*ie in "he 3ro*ess. These 3h5sio$ogi*a$ *$ues re'ea$ a $ong e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5 in !hi*h %en 1a""$e !i"h o"her %en, $i"era$$5 !i"hin "he !o%an?s re3rou*"i'e "ra*", or a**ess "o "he'i"a$ egg neee or "rans3or"ing "heir genes in"o "he ne" genera"ion. 0i"hou" a $onghis"or5 o s3er% *o%3e"i"ion, e'o$u"ion !ou$ ha'e a'ore nei"her "he %agni"ue ohu%an s3er% 'o$u%e nor "he s3e*ia$ie s3er% sha3es esigne or 1a""$e.

A$$ "hese *$ues"he uni'ersa$i"5 o inie$i"5, %en?s seua$ @ea$ous5, an "he ha$$%ar/s os3er% *o%3e"i"ion3oin" "o a is"ur1ing ans!er "o "he ues"ion o an*es"ra$ !o%en?sseua$ s"ra"egies. The5 re'ea$ "he 3ersis"en" e3ression o !o%en?s 3assion or %en o"her

"han "heir hus1ans, a 3heno%enon "ha" %us" ha'e o**urre re3ea"e$5 o'er "he $ong*ourse o hu%an e'o$u"ion. Moern !o%en ha'e inheri"e "his 3assion ro% "heiran*es"ra$ %o"hers.

Why Women Have Affairs

Be*ause s*ien"is"s ha'e o*use 3ri%ari$5 on "he o1'ious re3rou*"i'e 1enei"s o %en?sesire or seua$ 'arie"5, "he 3o"en"ia$ 1enei"s "o !o%en o shor"8"er% seua$ 3assion$anguishe or 5ears uns"uie. The 3u$e is *o%3oune 15 "he a*" "ha" a !o%an?sina"ua"ion !i"h ano"her %an *o%es $aen !i"h anger. An unai"hu$ !o%an, iis*o'ere, ris/s a%age "o her so*ia$ re3u"a"ion, "he $oss o her 3ar"ner?s *o%%i"%en",

3h5si*a$ in@ur5, an o**asiona$$5 ea"h a" "he hans o a @ea$ous %an. Unou1"e$5, %an5!o%en !eigh "hese ris/s, an *hoose no" "o a*" on "heir seua$ esires. The 1enei"s "o!o%en !ho o a*" on "heir 3assion or o"her %en, gi'en "he 3ossi1i$i"5 o *a"as"ro3hi**os"s, %us" 1e 3er*ei'e as sui*ien"$5 grea" "o %a/e i" !or"h "he ris/.

For "he 3as" se'en 5ears, Heii rei$ing an I ha'e 1een s"u5ing !h5 !o%en ha'eaairs. Our $a1 has o*use on "he 1enei"s "ha" are so a$$uring "ha" !o%en ro% a$$ !a$/so $ie are !i$$ing "o "a/e grea" ris/s "o 3ursue se an $o'e ou"sie o %arriage. Our



resear*h *en"ere on "hree ues"ions2 0ha"0enefits o !o%en rea3 ro% aairs0ha"circu#stances are %os" $i/e$5 "o ri'e a !o%an in"o ano"her %an?s ar%s Anwhich

wo#en are %os" 3rone "o aairs

His"ori*a$$5, !o%en %a5 ha'e 1enei"e ro% an aair in *oun"$ess !a5s. The irs" an

%os" o1'ious 1enei" *o%es ro% "he ire*" resour*es "ha" an aair 3ar"ner %a5 3ro'ie.A e! e3ensi'e inners %a5 no" see% $i/e %u*h "oa5, 1u" an e"ra su33$5 o %ea" ro%"he hun" !ou$ ha'e %ae "he ieren*e 1e"!een s"ar'ing an sur'i'ing uring an*es"ra$!in"ers !hen "he $an $a5 1are, or 1e"!een %ere$5 sur'i'ing an ro1us"$5 "hri'ing uring%ore 3$en"iu$ "i%es.

0o%en a$so *an 1enei" ro% aairs in "he *urren*5 o ua$i"5 genes. The 3u$e o "he 3ea*o*/?s "ai$ 3ro'ie "he "e$$"a$e *$ue "o "his 1enei". A 3eahen?s 3reeren*e or 3ea*o*/s !i"h 1ri$$ian" 3$u%age %a5 signa$ se$e*"ion or genes or goo hea$"h. 0hen 3ea*o*/s *arr5 a high $oa o 3arasi"es, "heir i%inishe hea$"h is re'ea$e in u$$eris3$a5s. B5 se$e*"ing or $u%ines*en*e, 3eahens se*ure goo genes or hea$"h "ha"

1enei" "heir os3ring. Resear*h 15 S"e'e anges"a an Ran5 Thornhi$$ o "heUni'ersi"5 o #e! Mei*o re'ea$s "ha" !o%en %a5 1e *hoosing aair 3ar"ners !i"hes3e*ia$$5 hea$"h5 genes. 0o%en !ho ha'e se !i"h ieren" %en *an a$so 3rou*e %oregene"i*a$$5 i'erse *hi$ren, 3ro'iing a sor" o hege agains" en'iron%en"a$ *hange.

A$"hough gene"i* an resour*e 1enei"s %a5 $o! "o !o%en !ho e3ress "heir hienseua$ sie, our s"uies un*o'ere one 1enei" "ha" o'ershao!e "he o"hers ini%3or"an*e, a 1enei" !e *a$$ %a"e insuran*e. During an*es"ra$ "i%es, isease, !arare,an oo shor"ages %ae sur'i'a$ a 3re*arious 3ro3osi"ion. The os !ere no" "ri'ia$ "ha"a hus1an !ou$ su**u%1 "o a isease, 1e*o%e e1i$i"a"e 15 a 3arasi"e, or in*ur in@ur5uring a ris/5 hun" or a "ri1a$ 1a""$e. The 3a$eon"o$ogi*a$ an *ross8*u$"ura$ re*ors re'ea$

"his *$ue"he s/u$$s an s/e$e"ons sho! in@uries %os"$5 on %a$es. A !o%an?s hus1an,in shor", s"oo a signii*an" *han*e o suering a e1i$i"a"ing or $e"ha$ !oun.

An*es"ra$ !o%en !ho ai$e "o ha'e %a"e insuran*e, a 1a*/u3 re3$a*e%en" in "he e'en""ha" so%e"hing ha33ene "o her regu$ar 3ar"ner, !ou$ ha'e suere grea"$5 *o%3are "o!o%en !ho *u$"i'a"e 3o"en"ia$ re3$a*e%en"s. Moern !o%en ha'e inheri"e "he esireso "heir an*es"ra$ %o"hers or re3$a*e%en" %a"es. In "he !ors o one !o%an in ours"u5, Men are $i/e sou35ou a$!a5s !an" "o ha'e one on "he 1a*/ 1urner. Ma"einsuran*e 3ro'ies a saeguar agains" reasona1$e ris/s o $osing a 3ar"ner.

An %a"e insuran*e re%ains re$e'an" "oa5, e'en "hough !e?'e *onuere %an5 o "hehaars "ha" e$$e our ore1ears. A%eri*an i'or*e ra"es no! a33roa*h 9< 3er*en" or"hose *urren"$5 ge""ing %arrie, u3 ro% "he %ere J 3er*en" igure "ha" a$ar%e %an5o'er "he 3as" "!o e*aes. Re%arriage is ra3i$5 1e*o%ing "he nor%.The angerous

&assion e3$ores ho! !o%en?s esire or ai"iona$ 3ar"ners is an*es"ra$ !iso% "ha",ho!e'er a$ar%ing "o hus1ans, *on"inues "o ser'e a *ri"i*a$ insuran*e un*"ion or !o%en"oa5.

Urges of Ovulation



0o%en?s a""ra*"ion "o $o'ers has ano"her %5s"erious ingreien"2 "he 3u$e o *on*ea$eo'u$a"ion. Un$i/e *hi%3anees, !o%en?s geni"a$s o no" 1e*o%e engorge !hen "he5o'u$a"e. 0o%en ha'e $os" es"rus an engage in se "hroughou" "heir o'u$a"or5 *5*$e.6on'en"iona$ s*ien"ii* !iso% has e*$are "ha" a !o%an?s o'u$a"ion is *r53"i*,*on*ea$e e'en ro% "he !o%an herse$. Bu" ha'e "he urges asso*ia"e !i"h o'u$a"ion

"o"a$$5 'anishe

In "he %os" e"ensi'e s"u5 o o'u$a"ion an !o%en?s seua$i"5, se'era$ "housan %arrie!o%en !ere as/e "o re*or "heir seua$ esires e'er5 a5 or a 3erio o "!en"58our%on"hs. The %e"hos !ere *rue 1u" s"raigh"or!ar2 !o%en si%3$5 3$a*e an 3 on "here*oring shee" on ea*h a5 "ha" "he5 e3erien*e seua$ esire. Basa$ 1o5 "e%3era"ure!as re*ore "o e"er%ine "he 3hase o "he %ens"rua$ *5*$e. These "housans o a"a 3oin"s 5ie$e a s"ar"$ing 3a""ern. On "he irs" a5 o a !o%an?s 3erio, 3ra*"i*a$$5 no!o%en re3or"e e3erien*ing seua$ esire. The nu%1ers rose ra%a"i*a$$5 a*ross "heo'arian *5*$e, 3ea/ing 3re*ise$5 a" "he 3oin" o %ai%u% er"i$i"5, an "hen e*$iningra3i$5 uring "he $u"ea$ 3hase a"er o'u$a"ion. 0o%en, o *ourse, *an e3erien*e seua$

esire a" an5 3hase o "heir *5*$e. #one"he$ess, "he5 are i'e "i%es %ore $i/e$5 "oe3erien*e seua$ esire !hen "he5 are o'u$a"ing "han !hen "he5 are no".

0o%en so%e"i%es a*" on "heir 3assions. A re*en" sur'e5 o +,+J !o%en, %an5 o!ho% !ere ha'ing aairs, re'ea$e a s"ar"$ing ining. 0o%en !ho s"ra5 "en "o "i%e"heir seua$ $iaisons !i"h "heir aair 3ar"ners "o *oin*ie !i"h "he 3ea/ o "heir seua$esire, !hen "he5 are %os" $i/e$5 "o *on*ei'e. Se !i"h hus1ans, in shar3 *on"ras", is%ore $i/e$5 "o o**ur !hen !o%en arenot o'u$a"ing, a s"ra"eg5 "ha" %a5 1e ai%e a"/ee3ing a %an ra"her "han *on*ei'ing !i"h hi%. #one o "his is *ons*ious, o *ourse.0o%en o no" "hin/ I?$$ "r5 "o "i%e se !i"h %5 aair 3ar"ner !hen I?% o'u$a"ing so"ha" I?$$ 1ear his *hi$ an no" %5 hus1an?s. Ps5*ho$ogi*a$$5, !o%en si%3$5 e3erien*e

seua$ esire %ore !hen "he5 are o'u$a"ing, an i "he5 ha'e an aair 3ar"ner, ha'e urges"o ha'e se !i"h hi% uring "his 3hase. O'u$a"ion %a5 see% *on*ea$e "o ou"sieo1ser'ers, 1u" !o%en a33ear "o a*" on "he i%3u$ses "ha" s3ring ro% i". An !hen "ha"esire or %en o"her "han "heir hus1ans o**urs, i"?s ii*u$" or %os" %en "o "e$$ !hen"heir %a"es are s"ra5ing or %a5 1e $i/e$5 "o s"ra5. I *a$$ "his "he signa$ e"e*"ion 3ro1$e%.

The Signal Detetion !ro"lem

A*ross *u$"ures, 3eo3$e ha'e aairs "ha" are s3e*ii*a$$5 esigne "o a'oi e"e*"ion. InAriona, one %o"e$ %aruee 1oas"s "ha" i" is "he #o8Te$$ Mo"e$. In s"a"es a*rossA%eri*a, 5ou *an ren" so%e ho"e$ roo%s a" an hour$5 ra"e. The !o%an re"urning ro% a

1usiness "ri3 oes no" %a/e her 1rie $ing on "he roa "he irs" "o3i* o *on'ersa"ion. Thehus1an !ho *on*ea$s his inan*es ro% his !ie %a5 1e unne$ing resour*es "o su33or" a%is"ress on "he sie.

S3ouses e3erien*e a signa$ e"e*"ion 3ro1$e%. 6onsier *a%3ing in "he !oos a" nigh"an hearing a soun so%e!here in "he ar/. 0as "ha" "he soun o a "!ig sna33ing,%ere$5 "he !in 1$o!ing, or "he una%i$iar nigh" souns 3$a5ing "ri*/s on 5our earsAssu%ing "ha" 5ou ha'e *orre*"$5 e"e*"e "he signa$ as a "!ig sna3, "he 3ossi1$e *auses



o "his e'en" are %an5, 1u" "he5 are no" inini"e. I" *ou$ 1e a ro*/ "ha" so%eho! go"is$oge. Bu" i" *ou$ a$so 1e a angerous ani%a$ or a hos"i$e hu%an. The signa$e"e*"ion 3ro1$e% is no" %ere$5 a1ou" 3i*/ing u3 a**ura"e signa$s in "he a*e o anun*er"ain an a%1iguous !e$"er o inor%a"ion. I" is a$so a1ou" %a/ing *orre*" ineren*esa1ou" "he *ause o "he signa$.

Sin*e seua$ inie$i"ies are a$%os" in'aria1$5 se*re", "he signa$s "he5 %igh" e%i" arein"en"iona$$5 %u"e. An una%i$iar s*en", "he 3ur*hase o a shar3 ne! @a*/e", "he runningo a 5e$$o! $igh", a ne! in"eres" in Bee"ho'en or "he Beas"ie Bo5s, an une3$ainea1sen*ea$$ o "hese *an 1e signa$s, 1u" "he5 *an origina"e ro% %an5 *auses o"her "haninie$i"5. The @ea$ous 3erson e3erien*es an e$e'a"e sensi"i'i"5 "o signa$s o inie$i"52He %a5 see a re $ush on his !ie?s *hee/, she %a5 a33ear "o 1e s"aning a!/!ar$5,or si""ing sie!a5s on a *hair, she has 3u" on a *$ean ress, "here is a *igare""e8en in "heire3$a*e . . . "he @ea$ous %an sees a han/er*hie on "he $oor, a !e" *$o"h in "he 1a"hroo%, ne!s3a3ers in a i"*h, an a""a*hes "o a$$ "he sa%e i%3or".

6onsier "he *ase o a Euro3ean 3s5*hia"ris" !ho *ounse$e %an5 *ou3$es reerre "ohi% in !hi*h one o "he s3ouses e3erien*e %or1i @ea$ous5. Mos" *ases !erehus1ans !ho ha e$usions "ha" "heir !i'es !ere seua$$5 unai"hu$, an "hesee$usions es"ro5e "he a1ri* o "rus" reuire or har%onious %arriage. Be*ause he 1e$ie'e "ha" e"re%e @ea$ous5 !as a 3s5*hia"ri* i$$ness "ha" *ou$ no" 1e *ure, his %os"*o%%on re*o%%ena"ion !as "ha" "he *ou3$es se3ara"e or i'or*e. Man5 *ou3$eso$$o!e his re*o%%ena"ions. Be*ause he !as /een$5 in"eres"e in "he su1seuen" a"eo his 3a"ien"s, he rou"ine$5 *on"a*"e "he% a"er a nu%1er o %on"hs ha 3asse. To hisas"onish%en", he is*o'ere "ha" %an5 o "he !i'es o his 3a"ien"s ha su1seuen"$5 1e*o%e seua$$5 in'o$'e !i"h "he 'er5 %en a1ou" !ho% "heir hus1ans ha 1een @ea$ousC So%e o "hese !o%en a*"ua$$5 %arrie "he %en !ho !ere "he o1@e*"s o "heir

hus1ans? sus3i*ions. In %an5 *ases, "he hus1ans %us" ha'e 1een sensing signs oinie$i"5. Bu" 1e*ause "he !i'es 3ro*$ai%e inno*en*e an e*$are "ha" "heir hus1ans? @ea$ous5 !as irra"iona$, "he hus1ans ene u3 1e$ie'ing "ha" "he 3ro1$e% !as in "heirheas. The 3ro1$e% o signa$ e"e*"ion is ho! "o ien"i5 an *orre*"$5 in"er3re" a 3ar"ner?s 1e"ra5a$ in an un*er"ain so*ia$ !or$ *on"aining a *haos o *on$i*"ing *$ues.

Gea$ous5 is o"en "riggere 15 *ir*u%s"an*es "ha" signa$ a rea$ "hrea" "o a re$a"ionshi3,su*h as ieren*es in "he esira1i$i"5 o "he 3ar"ners, as i$$us"ra"e 15 "he o$$o!ing *ase.The %an !as -J 5ears o$, !or/ing as a ore%an, !hen he !as reerre "o a 3s5*hia"ris"an iagnose !i"h %or1i @ea$ous5. He ha %arrie a" age "o a !o%an o +9 !ho%he ee3$5 $o'e. During "heir irs" "!o 5ears o %arriage, he !as s"a"ione in %i$i"ar5ser'i*e in Eng$an. During "his "!o85ear se3ara"ion, he re*ei'e se'era$ anon5%ous$e""ers sa5ing "ha" his !ie !as *arr5ing on an aair. 0hen he re"urne "o A%eri*a "ore@oin her, he ues"ione her in"ense$5 a1ou" "he a$$ega"ions, 1u" she enie "he%. Theiro!n seua$ re$a"ions 3ro'e isa33oin"ing. He 1e*a%e o1sesse !i"h "he ear$ier "i%e in"heir %arriage, re3ea"e$5 a**use his !ie o inie$i"5, an hi" her ro% "i%e "o "i%e,es3e*ia$$5 a"er a 1ou" o rin/ing. He "rie "o s"rang$e her "!i*e, an se'era$ "i%es he"hrea"ene "o /i$$ hi%se$.



He o3en$5 a%i""e his 3ro1$e%s "o "he 3s5*hia"ris"2 I?% so @ea$ous "ha" !hen I seean5one near her I !an" "o hur" her. I ha'e a$!a5s $o'e her 1u" o no" "hin/ she hasre"urne %5 ae*"ion. This @ea$ous5 is so%e"hing I ee$ in %5 s"o%a*h an !hen i"*o%es ou" o %e "here is no"hing I *an o a1ou" i". Tha" is !h5 I 1eha'e so %a$5. . . . M5!ie is a$!a5s "e$$ing %e "ha" o"her %en are s"ronger an *an 1ea" %e. . . . I?% no" a 1ig

*ha3 or a hanso%e *ha3 1u" %5 !ie is so 3re""5 an I on?" "hin/ I *o%e u3 "o her highs"anars. In o"her !ors, he 3er*ei'e a ieren*e in "heir $e'e$ o esira1i$i"5 she !asa""ra*"i'e an a$$uring, an he sa! hi%se$ as 1enea"h her. 0hen "he 3s5*hia"ris"ues"ione "he !ie in 3ri'a"e, she a%i""e "o %ee"ing an ha'ing an aair !i"h a%arrie %an. The aair !as *arrie on in se*re", an "hroughou" "he ura"ion o her aairshe insis"e "ha" her hus1an?s @ea$ous5 !as e$usiona$. The aair 1egan rough$5 one5ear 1eore "he hus1an !as reerre "o "he 3s5*hia"ris" "o "rea" his 3ro1$e%.

Dieren*es in esira1i$i"5!hen an : is %arrie "o a +*an heigh"en sensi"i'i"5"o signa$s o inie$i"5 in "he 3ar"ner !ho has e!er ou"sie %a"ing o3"ions. E$aineHa"ie$ an her *o$$eagues a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o Ha!aii is*o'ere "ha" "he %ore

esira1$e 3ar"ner in "he *ou3$e in a*" is %ore $i/e$5 "o s"ra5. Those !ho ha'e 1een inre$a"ionshi3s !i"h 1o"h %ore a""ra*"i'e an $ess a""ra*"i'e 3ar"ners ha'e an a*u"ea!areness o ho! @ea$ous5 is a""une "o "hese ieren*es. These ieren*es re3resen"one a%ong %an5 signs o a*"ua$ or i%3ening inie$i"5 e3$ore in e3"h $a"er in "he 1oo/.

Emotional Wisdom

Gea$ous5 is ne*essar5 1e*ause o "he rea$ "hrea" o seua$ "rea*her5. In a haarous !or$!here ri'a$s $ur/, 3ar"ners har1or 3assions or o"her 3eo3$e, an inie$i"5 "hrea"ens "oes"ro5 !ha" *ou$ ha'e 1een a $ie$ong $o'e, i" !ou$ 1e sur3rising i e'o$u"ion ha no"

orge e$a1ora"e eenses "o e"e*" an en o "hese "hrea"s. E3osing "hese "hrea"s, an"he 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ ar%s !e ha'e "o *o%1a" "he%, is a irs" s"e3 "o!ar *o%3rehening "he!iso% o 3assions "ha" so%e"i%es see% so es"ru*"i'e.

The angerous &assion"a/es us on a @ourne5 "hrough "he ra"iona$i"5 o "hese see%ing$5irra"iona$ e%o"ions, ea%ining "he una%en"a$ esires o !ha" %en an !o%en !an",an !h5 "hese $ongings so o"en 3rou*e *on$i*". 6ha3"er in"rou*es "he @ea$ous5 3arao!h5 an e%o"ion "ha" e'o$'e "o 3ro"e*" $o'e *an ri3 a re$a"ionshi3 a3ar". I"e3$ores "he e'o$u"ion o *on$i*" 1e"!een %en an !o%en, !h5 3ainu$ e%o"ions arene*essar5 in reso$'ing *on$i*"s, an !h5 %en an !o%en are $o*/e in a ne'er8enings3ira$ o $o'e an s"rie.

6ha3"er - o*uses on !h5 %en an !o%en ier in "heir uner$5ing 3s5*ho$og5 o @ea$ous5. I" re'ea$s "ha" %en an !o%en are nei"her unise eui'a$en"s nor a$iens ro%ieren" 3$ane"s. 0hen i" *o%es "o aa3"i'e 3ro1$e%s "ha" ier or %en an !o%en, 3assions i'erge or aa3"i'e 3ro1$e%s "ha" are "he sa%e, "heir e%o"ions @o5u$$5*o%%ing$e.



6ha3"er ;, The O"he$$o S5nro%e, in'es"iga"es see%ing$5 1iarre *$ini*a$ *ases in!hi*h a @ea$ous 3erson 1e*o%es un"e"here, resu$"ing in e$usiona$ sus3i*ions a1ou" a 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5. 0e e3$ore !h5 our %ins are esigne no" %ere$5 "o 3i*/ u3 oninie$i"ies "ha" ha'e a$rea5 o**urre, 1u" a$so "o e"e*" *ir*u%s"an*es "ha" signa$ anin*rease $i/e$ihoo "ha" a 3ar"ner !i$$ s"ra5 in "he u"ure. 6ha3"er J e$'es in"o "he

righ"ening a1uses 3rou*e 15 "he angerous 3assion1a""ering, s"a$/ing, an /i$$ing an ien"iies !hen !o%en are %os" 'u$nera1$e "o "hese 'io$a"ions.

A$"hough I *a$$ @ea$ous5 "he angerous 3assion, i" *anno" 1e isen"ang$e ro% "he ris/5*ra'ings "ha" %en an !o%en har1or or o"her $o'ers. 6ha3"er 9 ea%ines "he ua$i"ies ore$a"ionshi3s "ha" %a/e a 3erson sus*e3"i1$e "o inie$i"5, "he 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*s"ha" 3rei*" !ho?s $i/e$5 "o *hea", an !h5 so%e 3eo3$e un!i""ing$5 ri'e "heir 3ar"nersin"o "he ar%s o a 3ara%our. 6ha3"er < e3$ores !h5 !o%en ha'e aairs, an !h5%oern !o%en ha'e inheri"e ro% "heir an*es"ra$ %o"hers a ro'ing e5e.

6ha3"er : ien"iies "he s"ra"egies !e use "o *o3e !i"h @ea$ous5 an inie$i"5 an !h5

so%e "hera3eu"i* eor"s "o erai*a"e @ea$ous5 are o"en %isguie. The ina$ *ha3"erre'ea$s "he 3osi"i'e uses o @ea$ous5 or enhan*ing seua$ 3assion an $ie8$ong $o'e, anea%ines ho! !e *an harness e%o"iona$ !iso% "o enri*h our re$a"ionshi3s.



CHAPTER 2

The Gea$ous5 Parao

Men origina$$5 $i'e in s%a$$ *o%%uni"ies, ea*h !i"h a sing$e !ie, or i 3o!eru$ !i"hse'era$, !ho% he @ea$ous5 guare agains" a$$ o"her %en.

*'harles arwin% ,4/,%The Des*en" o Man an Se$e*"ion in Re$a"ion "o Se

0HE#IBEA# TO EQP>ORE seua$ @ea$ous5 in %5 resear*h, a *o$$eague !arne %e

"o s"a5 a!a5 ro% "he "o3i*. He re$a"e "he o$$o!ing e3erien*e. He !an"e "o e$i*i" @ea$ous5 in a $a1ora"or5 se""ing "o ea%ine "he 'arious e%o"iona$ e3ressions an 1eha'iors "ha" o$$o!e. So "o 3i$o" "he s"u5, he 1rough" a %arrie *ou3$e in"o "he $a1an 3u" "he hus1an in a roo% *on"aining a s3ea/er "hrough !hi*h he *ou$ $is"en "o "he*on'ersa"ion in "he ne" roo%. Then "he resear*her "oo/ "he !ie in"o "he a@oining roo%an ins"ru*"e her "o ans!er his ues"ions using an in"i%a"e an seu*"i'e "one o 'oi*e.

A"er "!o %inu"es o "he in"er'ie!, !hi*h "he hus1an *ou$ hear "hrough "he s3ea/er, he 1urs" in"o "he roo% an 3un*he %5 *o$$eague in "he nose. The hus1an ha $is"ene "ohis !ie "a$/ing "o ano"her %an in a "one o 'oi*e reser'e on$5 or hi%. The @ea$ous5inu*"ion !as "oo s"rong. M5 *o$$eague ha "o s"o3 "he e3eri%en" ue "o "he e"hi*a$ 3ro1$e%s o e'o/ing su*h an in"ense e%o"ion, hen*e his !arning "o %e "o s"a5 a!a5 ro%"his 'o$a"i$e "o3i*.

I !as e"erre on$5 1rie$5, or soon I *a%e "o rea$ie "ha" @ea$ous5 !as a ee3$5 roo"ehu%an e%o"ion $arge$5 neg$e*"e 15 so*ia$ s*ien"is"s. 0hen I ues"ione %5 *o$$eaguesa1ou" "he neg$e*" o @ea$ous5 15 "he s*ien"ii* *o%%uni"5, so%e "o$ %e "ha" @ea$ous5 !asno" a 3ri%ar5 e%o"ion, 1u" ra"her %ere$5 a 1$en o o"her %ore 1asi* e%o"ions su*h

as anger, ear, an saness. As a eri'a"i'e o o"her e%o"ions, i" si%3$5 i no" eser'e"he a""en"ion usua$$5 reser'e or "he %ore 1asi* e%o"ions. O"hers is%isse @ea$ous5 as as5%3"o% o o"her 3ro1$e%s, su*h as i%%a"uri"5 or neurosis. Mere s5%3"o%s, "he5argue, i no" eser'e s"u5 $i/e "he %ore una%en"a$ 3ro1$e%s.

The %ore I 3ro1e, ho!e'er, "he %ore I *a%e "o 1e$ie'e "ha" "hese is%issa$s !ere 3re%a"ure. Gea$ous5 "urne ou" no" "o 1e %ere$5 a %ar/ o so%e *hara*"er ee*". I" ise3resse in 3ere*"$5 nor%a$ 3eo3$e !ho sho! no signs o neurosis or i%%a"uri"5.



Moreo'er, @ea$ous5 has ee3 e'o$u"ionar5 roo"s "ha" !ere *ri"i*a$ "o "he su**ess an 3ro$iera"ion o our an*es"ors. B5 un*o'ering "he origins o "his e%o"ion, !e *an 1e""eruners"an i"s %oern %anies"a"ions an $earn ho! "o gra33$e !i"h "he%. Gea$ous5, I !asor*e "o *on*$ue, is no $ess 1asi* "han ear or rage, i"s e3ression no $ess i%3or"an" "han$igh" or igh".

The #ealousy !arado$

Gea$ous5 3oses a 3arao. 6onsier "hese inings2 ;9 3er*en" o a *o%%uni"5 sa%3$es"a"e "ha" @ea$ous5 !as aninevita0le *onseuen*e o "rue $o'e. S". Augus"ine no"e "his$in/ !hen he e*$are "ha" He "ha" is no" @ea$ous, is no" in $o'e. Sha/es3eare?s"or%en"e O"he$$o o"es, 5e" ou1"s, sus3e*"s, 5e" s"rong$5 $o'es. 0o%en an %en"53i*a$$5 in"er3re" a 3ar"ner?s @ea$ous5 as a sign o "he e3"h o "heir $o'e, a 3ar"ner?sa1sen*e o @ea$ous5 as $a*/ o $o'e.

The 3s5*ho$ogis" Eugene Ma"hes o 0es"ern I$$inois Uni'ersi"5 as/e a sa%3$e o

un%arrie, 1u" ro%an"i*a$$5 in'o$'e, %en an !o%en "o *o%3$e"e a @ea$ous5 "es". Se'en5ears $a"er, he *on"a*"e "he 3ar"i*i3an"s again an as/e "he% a1ou" "he *urren" s"a"us o"heir re$a"ionshi3. Rough$5 J 3er*en" o "he 3ar"i*i3an"s ha %arrie, !hi$e <J 3er*en"ha 1ro/en u3. The @ea$ous5 s*ores ro% se'en 5ears ear$ier or "hose !ho %arriea'erage +9:, !hereas "he s*ores or "hose !ho 1ro/e u3 regis"ere signii*an"$5 $o!er a"+;. These resu$"s %us" 1e in"er3re"e *au"ious$5 i"?s @us" one s"u5 !i"h a s%a$$ sa%3$e. #one"he$ess, i" 3oin"s "o "he 3ossi1i$i"5 "ha" @ea$ous5 %igh" 1e ineora1$5 $in/e !i"h$ong8"er% $o'e.

6on"ras" "his !i"h ano"her ining2 In a sa%3$e o 9J+ uni'ersi"5 s"uen"s !ho !erea*"i'e$5 a"ing, %ore "han -- 3er*en" re3or"e "ha" @ea$ous5 3ose a signii*an" 3ro1$e%

in "heir *urren" re$a"ionshi3. The 3ro1$e%s range ro% "he $oss o se$8es"ee% "o 'er1a$a1use, ro% ragerien argu%en"s "o "he "error o 1eing s"a$/e.

Gea$ous5, 3araoi*a$$5, $o!s ro% ee3 an a1iing $o'e, 1u" *an sha""er "he %os"har%onious re$a"ionshi3s. The 3arao !as re$e*"e in O. G. Si%3son?s s"a"e%en"2 >e"?ssa5 I *o%%i""e "his *ri%e "he s$a5ing o his e8!ie, #i*o$e Bro!n Si%3son. E'en i Ii o "his, i" !ou$ ha'e "o ha'e 1een 1e*ause I $o'e her 'er5 %u*h, righ" Thee%o"ion o @ea$ous5, esigne "o she$"er a re$a"ionshi3 ro% in"ruers, "urns ho%es "ha"%igh" 1e san*"uaries o $o'e in"o he$$s o is*or an ha"e. This 1oo/ a""e%3"s "o reso$'e"he 3arao.

The Meaning of #ealousy

The !or 5ealousy *a%e in"o "he Eng$ish $anguage "hrough "he Fren*h $anguage.6o%3ara1$e !ors in Fren*h are 5aloux an 5alousie% 1o"h o !hi*h eri'e ro% "he >a"in!or 6elosus7 The >a"in, in "urn, !as 1orro!e ro% "he ree/ !or/ 6elos% !hi*h %ean"er'or, !ar%"h, aror, or in"ense esire. The Fren*h !or 5alousie% ho!e'er, has a ua$%eaning. One %eaning is si%i$ar "o "he Eng$ish 5ealous% 1u" 5alousie a$so reers "o aVene"ian 1$in, "he /in !i"h nu%erous horion"a$ s$a"s sus3ene one a1o'e "he o"her.



The #or!egian 3s5*hia"ris" #i$s Re""ers"o$ a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o Os$o s3e*u$a"es "ha" "his%eaning arose ro% a si"ua"ion in !hi*h a hus1an sus3i*ious o his !ie *ou$ o1ser'eher une"e*"e ro% 1ehin "he 5alousie% 3resu%a1$5 "o *a"*h her in "he a*" o in"er*ourse!i"h ano"her %an.

The 3s5*ho$ogis" oron 6$an"on o San Diego S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 eines @ea$ous5 as aee$ing o is3$easure !hi*h e3resses i"se$ ei"her as a ear o $oss o "he 3ar"ner or asis*o%or" o'er a rea$ or i%agine e3erien*e "he 3ar"ner has ha !i"h a "hir 3ar"5.This eini"ion *a3"ures "!o *en"ra$ ingreien"s o @ea$ous52 "he "hrea" o $osing a 3ar"neran "he 3resen*e o a "hir 3ar"5. Inee, "he @ea$ous si"ua"ion is so%e"i%es es*ri1e as"he e"erna$ "riang$e, reerring "o "he a*" "ha" "hree 3ar"ies are in'o$'e2 "he @ea$ous 3ar"5, "he %a"e, an "he ri'a$. The eini"ion, ho!e'er, $ea'es o3en 3re*ise$5 !ha" sor" orea$ or i%agine e3erien*e "he 3ar"ner has ha !i"h so%eone e$se"i%e, a""en"ion,sharing a *u3 o "ea, ora$ se, or in"er*ourse. As !e !i$$ is*o'er $a"er in "his 1oo/,ieren" i%agine e3erien*es e'o/e ieren" a*e"s o @ea$ous5. I" a$so $ea'es ou" "he*o%3$e arra5 o e%o"ions "ha" *hara*"erie "he @ea$ous e3erien*e, in*$uing anger, rage,

hu%i$ia"ion, ear, anie"5, saness, an e3ression. Fina$$5, "his eini"ion o%i"s "he 1eha'ior "ha" 3eo3$e ehi1i" !hen @ea$ous @ea$ous5 is no" %ere$5 an e%o"ion "ha" ra""$esaroun in 3eo3$e?s heas, $a*/ing e3ression in a*"ion.

E'o$u"ionar5 3s5*ho$ogis"s Mar"in Da$5 an Margo 0i$son o M*Mas"er Uni'ersi"5 inOn"ario eine @ea$ous5 as a state "ha" is arouse 15 a 3er*ei'e "hrea" "o a 'a$uere$a"ionshi3 or 3osi"ion an %o"i'a"es 1eha'ior ai%e a" *oun"ering "he "hrea". Gea$ous5 isseua$? i "he 'a$ue re$a"ionshi3 is seua$. This eini"ion high$igh"s "hree ai"iona$a*e"s o @ea$ous5. Firs", @ea$ous5 is a s"a"e, !hi*h %eans "ha" i" is a "e%3orar5 or e3isoi*e3erien*e, no" a 3er%anen" a$i*"ion. Un$i/e ua$i"ies su*h as heigh" or hair *o$or, noone *an re%ain in a s"a"e o @ea$ous5 *ons"an"$5. Se*on, @ea$ous5 is a res3onse "o a "hrea"

"o a 'a$ue re$a"ionshi3 in !hi*h a 3erson is hea'i$5 in'es"e. Peo3$e rare$5 e3erien*e @ea$ous5 15 "hrea"s "o a *asua$ a*uain"an*eshi3, a 1rie aair, or a "e%3orar5 a$$ian*e.Thir, @ea$ous5 %o"i'a"es a*"ion esigne "o ea$ !i"h "he "hrea".

Bu" e'en "his eini"ion ai$s "o ien"i5 a$$ "he $a5ers o "his *o%3$e hu%an e%o"ion. To"a/e one ea%3$e, "here are %an5 ieren" or%s o "hrea"s "o ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s,su*h as seua$ "hrea"s, e%o"iona$ "hrea"s, e*ono%i* "hrea"s, an e'en in"e$$e*"ua$ "hrea"s.To 3ene"ra"e "he @ea$ous5 3arao, !e %us" uners"an "he 3re*ise na"ure o "he "hrea"s i"is esigne "o *o%1a".

So%e !ri"ers ai$ "o is"inguish 5ealousy ro% ano"her "er% "ha" is so%e"i%es use in i"ss"ea2envy7 En'5 a33ears "o *o%e ro% "he >a"in !orinvidere% !hi*h %eans "o $oo/u3on !i"h %a$i*e. The Oor Eng$ish Di*"ionar5 eines en'5 "his !a52 To ee$is3$easure an i$$8!i$$ a" "he su3eriori"5 o (ano"her 3erson& in ha33iness, su**ess,re3u"a"ion, or "he 3ossession o an5"hing esira1$e. A *on*re"e ea%3$e i$$us"ra"es "heieren*e 1e"!een @ea$ous5 an en'5. A %an %igh" e3erien*e en'5 o ano"her %an !hohas a 1eau"iu$ !ie. The en'5 is ire*"e a" "he %an !ho 3ossesses !ha" he !an"s, 1u"$a*/s. The hus1an, ho!e'er, %a5 1e @ea$ous o his 1eau"iu$ !ie i he sus3e*"s she ise'e$o3ing an in"eres" in ano"her %an. En'5 i%3$ies *o'e"ousness, %a$i*e, an i$$8!i$$



ire*"e a" so%eone !ho has !ha" 5ou $a*/ @ea$ous5, in *on"ras", i%3$ies "he ear o$osing "o a ri'a$ a 'a$ua1$e 3ar"ner "ha" 5ou a$rea5 ha'e.

Myths A"out #ealousy

A$"hough @ea$ous5 has 1een $arge$5 neg$e*"e 15 so*ia$ s*ien"is"s, i" has no" 1een en"ire$5ignore. Se'era$ au"hors ha'e 3ro3ose "heories "o e3$ain "he origins an eis"en*e o @ea$ous5. A**oring "o 3s5*ho$ogis" Ra$3h Hu3/a o 6a$iornia S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 a" >ongBea*h, @ea$ous5 is a so*ia$ *ons"ru*"ion2 I" is un$i/e$5 . . . "ha" hu%an 1eings *o%e3re!ire,? so "o s3ea/, in"o "he !or$ "o 1e e%o"iona$ a1ou" an5"hing o"her "han "hereuire%en"s or "heir i%%eia"e sur'i'a$ . . . "he esire "o *on"ro$ "he seua$ 1eha'ior o%a"es is "he *onseuen*e o "he so*ia$ *ons"ru*"ion o "he gener s5s"e%. So*ia$*ons"ru*"ion reers in "his *on"e" "o "he ar1i"rar5 assign%en" o a*"i'i"ies an ua$i"ies "oea*h gener (e.g., "he esire or honor, 1eau"5, %as*u$ini"5, e%inini"5, e"*.&. A**oring"o "his argu%en", so*ie"5 or *u$"ure assigns %en an !o%en ro$es an a*"i'i"ies, an 3resu%a1$5 assigns %en "he ro$e o *on"ro$$ing "he seua$i"5 o "heir 3ar"ners. Sin*e

so*ia$ *ons"ru*"ions are ar1i"rar5, "he5 shou$ 'ar5 !ie$5 ro% *u$"ure "o *u$"ure. 0eshou$ in *u$"ures !here %en are @ea$ous 1u" !o%en are no". O"hers !here !o%en are @ea$ous an %en are no". An in *u$"ures "ha" o no" %a/e "hese ar1i"rar5 assign%en"s,"here shou$ 1e a "o"a$ a1sen*e o @ea$ous5.

The 3s5*hia"ris" Dinesh Bhugra a" "he Ins"i"u"e o Ps5*hia"r5 in >onon argues "ha" @ea$ous5 is a resu$" o *a3i"a$is" so*ie"5. A**oring "o "his argu%en", *a3i"a$is" so*ie"ies 3$a*e a 3re%iu% on 3ersona$ 3ossessions an 3ro3er"5, !hi*h e"en "o 3ossessing o"her 3eo3$e. 6a3i"a$is" so*ie"5 en*ourages "rea"ing "he $o'e o1@e*" in a $i"era$ o1@e*" %anner,"a/ing "he 3ar"ner "o 1e "he ini'iua$?s 3ersona$ 3ossession or 3ro3er"5. I "his "heor5 is*orre*", "hen se'era$ i%3$i*a"ions o$$o!. Firs", %en an !o%en $i'ing in *a3i"a$is"

so*ie"ies shou$ 1e eua$$5 @ea$ous an @ea$ous a1ou" "he sa%e "hings. Se*on, %en an!o%en $i'ing in so*ia$is", anar*his", or i*"a"orshi3 so*ie"ies shou$ 1e en"ire$5 ree o @ea$ous5. Thir, sin*e %o"i'es or @ea$ous5 are a 3rou*" o "he *u$"ure, "hen "hereshou$ 1e !ie 'aria1i$i"5 a*ross *u$"ures in %o"i'es or @ea$ous5.

Ano"her e3$ana"ion o @ea$ous5 in'o/es $o! se$8es"ee%, i%%a"uri"5, or *hara*"eree*"s. A**oring "o "his $ine o "hin/ing, au$"s !ho en@o5 high se$8es"ee%, %a"uri"5,an 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ sounness shou$ no" e3erien*e @ea$ous5. I 3ersona$i"5 ee*"s *rea"e @ea$ous5, "hen *uring "hose ee*"s shou$ e$i%ina"e i".

The our"h "53e o e3$ana"ion 3ro3oses "ha" @ea$ous5 is a or% o 3a"ho$og5. The *ore

assu%3"ion 1ehin "his e3$ana"ion is "ha" e"re%e @ea$ous5 resu$"s ro% a %a@or%a$un*"ion o "he hu%an %in, so *uring "he %a$un*"ion shou$ e$i%ina"e @ea$ous5. #or%a$ 3eo3$e, a**oring "o "his a**oun", si%3$5 o no" e3erien*e e"re%e or in"ense @ea$ous5.

So%e o "hese e3$ana"ions *on"ain grains o "ru"h. So%e"i%es @ea$ous5 is inee 3a"ho$ogi*a$, a 3rou*" o 1rain in@ur5 ro% 1oing or !arare. E3ressions o @ea$ous5o 'ar5 so%e!ha" ro% *u$"ure "o *u$"ure. A%ong "he A*he o Paragua5, @ea$ous ri'a$s



se""$e is3u"es "hrough ri"ua$ *$u1 igh"s, !hereas a%ong "he Ki3sigis in Ken5a, "heoene hus1an %igh" e%an a reun on "he 1rie83ri*e he 3ai or his !ie.

#one o "hese e3$ana"ions, ho!e'er, suares !i"h a$$ "he /no!n a*"s a1ou" @ea$ous5.E'en a%ong "he A%%assa$i/ Es/i%os in reen$an, so%e"i%es he$ u3 as a *u$"ure

$a*/ing @ea$ous5, i" is no" unusua$ or a hus1an "o /i$$ an in"er$o3er !ho s$ee3s !i"h his!ie. An *on"rar5 "o Margare" Mea?s asser"ion "ha" Sa%oans are en"ire$5 $a*/ing in @ea$ous5 an $augh in*reu$ous$5 a" "a$es o 3assiona"e @ea$ous5, @ea$ous5 on Sa%oa is a 3ro%inen" *ause o 'io$en*e agains" ri'a$s an %a"es "he5 e'en ha'e a !or or i", fua7 To*i"e one ea%3$e, a"er Ma"a, "he !ie o Ta'i"a, ha a**use his o$er 1ro"her, Tu$e, o%a/ing seua$ a33roa*hes "o her uring his a1sen*e, Ta'i"a a""a*/e his 1ro"her, s"a11inghi% i'e "i%es in "he 1a*/ an ne*/. Sa%oan !o%en a$so su**u%1 "o i"s o @ea$ous5. Inone *ase "he hus1an o a =85ear8o$ !o%an na%e Me$e $e" her or ano"her !o%an, soMe$e sough" "he% ou" an a""a*/e "he% !i"h a 1ush /nie !hi$e "he5 !ere s$ee3ing"oge"her. 6u$"ures in "ro3i*a$ 3araises "ha" are en"ire$5 ree o @ea$ous5 eis" on$5 in "hero%an"i* %ins o o3"i%is"i* an"hro3o$ogis"s, an in a*" ha'e ne'er 1een oun.

0o%en $a1e$e as suering ro% 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5 so%e"i%es "urn ou" "o ha'ehus1ans !ho ha'e 1een ro%an*ing o"her !o%en or 5ears. To uners"an @ea$ous5, !e%us" 3eer ee3 in"o our e'o$u"ionar5 3as" "o a "i%e 1eore *o%3u"ers, 1eore *a3i"a$is%,an e'en 1eore "he a'en" o agri*u$"ure.

The Evolution of %onflit &et'een the Se$es

The 3ro*ess o e'o$u"ion is e"raorinari$5 si%3$e a" hear", 1u" unra'e$ing i"s i%3$i*a"ions5ie$s su1"$e an 3rooun insigh"s in"o hu%an na"ure. E'o$u"ion reers "o *hange o'er"i%e in organi* esign. 6hara*"eris"i*s, or esign ea"ures, "ha" he$3 an organis% "o

sur'i'e an re3rou*e, re$a"i'e "o o"her organis%s !i"h ieren" esign ea"ures, ge"re3resen"e in u"ure genera"ions %ore "han *hara*"eris"i*s "ha" are neu"ra$ or "ha" i%3eesur'i'a$ an re3rou*"ion. A" an5 one s$i*e in "i%e, organis%s *an 1e 'ie!e as*o$$e*"ions o *hara*"eris"i*s "ha" o!e "heir eis"en*e "o "his 3ro*ess o e'o$u"ion 15se$e*"ion, o3era"ing re3ea"e$5 o'er "housans or %i$$ions o 5ears. A$$ %oern hu%ans*o%e ro% a $ong an $i"era$$5 un1ro/en $ine o an*es"ors !ho su**eee in "he "as/sneee "o sur'i'e an re3rou*e. As "heir es*enan"s, !e ha'e inheri"e *o$$e*"ions o*hara*"eris"i*s "ha" $e "o "heir su**ess. These *hara*"eris"i*s are *a$$e aa3"a"ions.

The e'o$u"ionar5 3ro*ess is inheren"$5 *o%3e"i"i'e. I "here is no" enough oo "o ee a$$%e%1ers o a grou3, or ea%3$e, "hen so%e sur'i'e !hi$e o"hers 3erish. I "!o !o%en

esire "he sa%e %an, "o "a/e ano"her ea%3$e, one !o%an?s su**ess in a""ra*"ing hi% is"he o"her !o%an?s $oss. I a ri'a$ "ries "o $ure a %an?s %a"e, "hen "he "!o %en *o$$ie in*on$i*"ing in"eres"s. In an i%3or"an" sense, "hereore, a$$ %en an a$$ !o%en are in*o%3e"i"ion !i"h one ano"her "o *on"ri1u"e "o "he an*es"r5 o u"ure genera"ions. Thee'o$u"ionar5 *on"es" is a ero8su% ga%e, !i"h "he 'i*"ors !inning a" "he e3ense o$osers. The *on*$usion is o1'ious 1u" 3rooun2 Ea*h 3erson?s 3ri%ar5 *o%3e"i"ors are%e%1ers o "he sa%e se !i"hin "he sa%e s3e*ies.





"rue i "here are gene"i* /in on "he s*ene, !here @oin" resour*es unne$e "o "he !o%an?sa%i$5 "a/e a!a5 ro% "hose s3en" on "he %an?s a%i$5.

6on$i*" o'er "he a33or"ion%en" o resour*es, ho!e'er, is %ere$5 "he 1eginning. A ee3eranger *o%es ro% "hrea"s "o %onoga%5. A seua$ inie$i"5 15 "he %an *an uner%ine

his $o5a$"ies "o his %a"e an his *hi$ren. I a !o%an ai$s "o guar agains" her hus1an?sinie$i"5, she ris/s $osing his energ5, *o%%i"%en", in'es"%en", "i%e, an a""en"ion resour*es "ha" ge" i'er"e a!a5 ro% her an her *hi$ren "o!ar a ri'a$ !o%an an her*hi$ren.

I a %an ai$s "o 3re'en" his !ie?s inie$i"5, "his $a3se *an $i"era$$5 "hrea"en his D#A.6onsier !ha" ha33ens i his !ie ge"s 3regnan" !i"h ano"her %an?s *hi$ !i"hou" hisa!areness. The re3rou*"i'e *os"s are %u$"i3$e. Firs", he $oses ou" on "he *han*e "ore3rou*e hi%se$. Se*on, his !ie?s %o"her$5 $o'e ens u3 going "o "he in"er$o3er?s*hi$ren. An "hir, he %igh" e'o"e a$$ o his 3aren"ing eor"s "o "he o"her %an?s*hi$ren in "he %is"a/en 1e$ie "ha" "he5 are his. I"?s un$i/e$5 "ha" a"her$5 $o'e *ou$ ha'e

e'o$'e un$ess %en !ere su**essu$ in guaring agains" "hrea"s o "heir !ie?s inie$i"5,or a" $eas" !ere a1$e "o reu*e "he $i/e$ihoo o 1eing *u*/o$e.

Inie$i"5 re3resen"s "he 3ar"ia$ i'ersion o e'o$u"ionari$5 'a$ua1$e resour*es. Deser"ion,a1anon%en", an ee*"ion ro% "he re$a"ionshi3 re3resen" "he en"ire $oss o "hose asse"s.Brea/ing u3 *an in$i*" %an5 *os"s on "he 3ar"ners, *hi$ren, an "he en"ire *o$$e*"ion o/in. The a1anone 3ar"ner %a5 1e s"u*/ raising *hi$ren !i"hou" "he ai o "he o"her 3aren". Di'or*e s"a"us an "he eis"en*e o *hi$ren $o!er a 3erson?s esira1i$i"5 "oo"hers in "he %a"ing %ar/e". The *hi$ren suer, sin*e i" is /no!n "ha" "he ra"es os"e3*hi$ 3h5si*a$ an seua$ a1use are a" $eas" ; "i%es grea"er "han !hen "he *hi$renresie !i"h 1o"h gene"i* 3aren"s. The a$$ian*e o "he "!o sies o "he a%i$5, 1rough"

"oge"her 15 "he %arriage, %a5 1e "orn asuner. On near$5 a$$ *oun"s, i'or*e, eser"ion, ora1anon%en" *an 1e *a"as"ro3hi*a$$5 *os"$5 or a$$ in'o$'e. i'en "hese *ir*u%s"an*es,i" !ou$ 1e s3e*"a*u$ar$5 un$i/e$5 "ha" e'o$u"ion !ou$ ha'e ai$e "o ashion eense%e*hanis%s esigne "o $o!er "he os o a 3ar"ner ee*"ing.

The %os" ra%a"i* "hrea"s "o "he ragi$e unions 1e"!een %en an !o%en, in shor", are "heua$ s3e*"ers o inie$i"5 an a1anon%en". These angers *ons"i"u"e "hrea"s so e"re%e"ha", un$ess "he5 *ou$ 1e su**essu$$5 *o%1a"e, or a" $eas" 3ar"ia$$5 su1ue, $ong8"er%ro%an"i* 1ons o $o'e an %arriage *ou$ no" ha'e e%erge a" a$$.

A *en"ra$ argu%en" o "his 1oo/ is "ha" "he *o%3$e e%o"ion !e *a$$ @ea$ous5 i no" arisero% *a3i"a$is%, 3a"riar*h5, *u$"ure, so*ia$ia"ion, %eia, *hara*"er ee*"s, or neurosis.A$"hough @ea$ous5 so%e"i%es *an rea*h 3a"ho$ogi*a$ or ea$5 e"re%es, "he 'as"%a@ori"5 o @ea$ous e3isoes are useu$ e3ressions o ee*"i'e *o3ing s"ra"egies "ha" areesigne "o ea$ !i"h rea$ "hrea"s "o re$a"ionshi3s. To uners"an ho! @ea$ous5 is anaa3"a"ion, no" a 3a"ho$og5, !e %us" ea%ine "he ro$e o e%o"ions in hu%an 3s5*ho$og5.

Emotions as Signals of Strategi (nterferene



The s"u5 o e%o"ions in 3s5*ho$og5 has a *urious his"or5. Man5 resear*hers *on"ras"e%o"iona$i"5 !i"h ra"iona$i"5. A**oring "o "his 'ie!, ra"iona$i"5 *auses hu%ans "o%a/e sensi1$e e*isions. 0hen a*e !i"h a 3ro1$e%, !e use reason, $ogi*, an eu*"ion"o igure ou" a @ui*ious so$u"ion. E%o"ions, a**oring "o "his 'ie!, on$5 ge" in "he !a5 anger a$es "he 1rain ear is"or"s reason @ea$ous5 *$ous "he %in. E%o"ions are

3resu%e "o 1e *arr5o'ers ro% our an*es"ra$ 3as", unor"una"e re$i*s o an an*ien" "i%e!hen hu%an an*es"ors a*"e %ore ro% ins"in*" "han $ogi*. Ps5*ho$ogis"s ha'e $a1e$eanger, ear, is"ress, an @ea$ous5 "he nega"i'e e%o"ions, !hi*h nee "o 1e *on"ro$$e,reigne in, an su1ue so "ha" "he5 o no" i%3ee ra"iona$ so$u"ions.

I isagree !i"h a$$ o "hese e3er"s !ho "a/e a i% 'ie! o "he ar/ sie o hu%ane%o"ion. In %5 'ie!, "hese nega"i'e e%o"ions are euisi"e$5 "ai$ore aa3"i'e%e*hanis%s "ha" ser'e "he in"eres"s o our an*es"ors !e$$ an $i/e$5 *on"inue "o ser'eour in"eres"s "oa5. S3e*ii*a$$5, "he "heor5 3ro3oses "ha" "hese e%o"ions are esigne "o*o3e !i"h !ha" I *a$$ s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e. S"ra"egi* in"ereren*e o**urs !hene'erso%e"hing or so%eone i%3ees, "h!ar"s, or 1$o*/s a s"ra"egi* se" o a*"ions. 6onsier "he

re$a"i'e$5 si%3$e *ase o en*oun"ering a 3oisonous sna/e on a 3a"h as 5ou !a$/ "hrough"he !oos. The sna/e *oi$s, ra""$es his "ai$, an hisses a" 5ou suen$5, "hrea"ening 5ourgoa$ o sur'i'a$. Be*ause sna/es ha'e 1een a re*urren" hos"i$e or*e o na"ure or ushu%ans, !e ha'e e'o$'e a s3e*ia$ 3ro*$i'i"5 "o e'e$o3 a ear o sna/es.

This ear ser'es se'era$ re$a"e un*"ions. I" o*uses our a""en"ion $aser$i/e on "he sour*eo "he "hrea", si%u$"aneous$5 s*reening ou" irre$e'an" sour*es o s"i%u$i. I" 3ro%3"ss"orage o "he re$e'an" inor%a"ion in %e%or5, so "ha" u"ure "ra'e$ "hrough "his $o*a"ion*an 1e a'oie or "ra'erse !i"h grea"er *au"ion. I" a$so 3ro%3"s i%%eia"e 1enei*ia$a*"ions su*h as reeing or $eeing. i'en "he 3re'a$en*e o sna/e ears a%ong hu%ansan our *$oses" gene"i* re$a"i'es, *hi%3anees, i" is reasona1$e "o 1e$ie'e "ha" "hose !ho

!ere inieren" "o angerous sna/es !ere %ore $i/e$5 "o ie an $ess $i/e$5 "o 1e*o%eour an*es"ors.

The %os" *o%%on hu%an ears a$$ hea'i$5 in a s%a$$ nu%1er o *a"egories2 sna/es,s3iers, heigh"s, ar/ness, an s"rangers. 6har$es Dar!in e3resse "he /e5 insigh"2 Ma5!e no" sus3e*" "ha" "he . . . ears o *hi$ren, !hi*h are ui"e ine3enen" o e3erien*e,are "he inheri"e ee*"s o rea$ angers . . . uring an*ien" sa'age "i%e 0e are ar %ore$i/e$5 "o e'e$o3 ears o angers "ha" !ere 3resen" in our an*es"ra$ en'iron%en" "han "o"hose in our *urren" en'iron%en". Sna/es, or ea%3$e, are har$5 a 3ro1$e% in >osAnge$es or #e! Yor/ 6i"5, 1u" au"o%o1i$es are. Fears o *ars or e$e*"ri*a$ ou"$e"s are'ir"ua$$5 un/no!n, sin*e "hese are e'o$u"ionari$5 no'e$ haars, "oo re*en" or na"ura$se$e*"ion "o ha'e ashione s3e*ii* ears. The a*" "ha" %ore *i"5 !e$$ers go "o 3s5*hia"ris"s !i"h 3ho1ias o sna/es an s"rangers "han ears o *ars an e$e*"ri*a$ ou"$e"s 3ro'ies a !ino! in"o "he haars o our an*es"ra$ en'iron%en".

The s3e*ii* arra5 o hu%an ears e%erges in e'e$o3%en" 3re*ise$5 a" "he "i%e !heninan"s irs" en*oun"er 3ar"i*u$ar angers. Fear o heigh"s an s"rangers, or ea%3$e,e%erges in inan"s aroun si %on"hs o age, !hi*h *oin*ies !i"h "he "i%e !hen "he5s"ar" "o *ra!$ a!a5 ro% "heir %o"her. In one s"u5, : 3er*en" o inan"s !ho ha 1een



*ra!$ing or ;+ a5s or %ore a'oie *rossing o'er a 'isua$ *$i, an a33aren" 'er"i*a$ro3 "ha" !as in a*" *o'ere !i"h a "rans3aren" 1u" s"ur5 g$ass, "o ge" "o "heir %o"her.6ra!$ing in*reases "he ris/ o angerous a$$s an en*oun"ers !i"h s"rangers !i"hou" "he 3ro"e*"i'e %o"her in *$ose 3roi%i"5, an so "he e%ergen*e o "he ear o heigh"s ans"rangers a" "his "i%e *oin*ies !i"h "he onse" o "hese angers. Fear o s"rangers in

hu%an inan"s has 1een o*u%en"e in a 'arie"5 o ieren" *u$"ures, in*$uing "heua"e%a$ans, La%1ians, CKung Bush%en, an Ho3i Inians. In a*", "he ris/ o inan"s 1eing /i$$e 15 s"rangers a33ears "o 1e a *o%%on hos"i$e or*e o na"ure in nonhu%an 3ri%a"es as !e$$ as in hu%ans.

As "he Har'ar 3s5*ho$ogis" Gero%e Kagan has o*u%en"e, se3ara"ion anie"5 isano"her /in o ear or !hi*h "here is !ies3rea *ross8*u$"ura$ o*u%en"a"ion, 3ea/ing 1e"!een = an +- %on"hs. In one *ross8*u$"ura$ s"u5, Kagan re*ore "he 3er*en"age oinan"s !ho *rie o$$o!ing "he e3ar"ure o "heir %o"her ro% "he roo%. A" "he 3ea/ ageo se3ara"ion anie"5, 9 3er*en" o ua"e%a$an Inians, 9 3er*en" o Israe$is, : 3er*en"o An"igua ua"e%a$ans, an + 3er*en" o Ari*an Bush%en inan"s ehi1i"e "his o'er"

is3$a5 o se3ara"ion anie"5. Ani%a$ ears, in *on"ras", o no" e%erge un"i$ aroun age"!o, as "he *hi$ %ore e3ansi'e$5 e3$ores "he en'iron%en". Aa3"a"ions nee no" sho!u3 a" 1ir"h. The onse" o s3e*ii* ears, $i/e "he onse" o 3u1er"5, is a e'e$o3%en"a$$5"i%e 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ e%ergen*e.

The *on*$usion ro% a$$ o "his e'ien*e is *$ear2 ar ro% 1eing an irra"iona$ ornega"i'e e%o"ion, ear is 3a""erne in high$5 aa3"i'e !a5s "ha" aie "he sur'i'a$ oour an*es"ors. Fears are $i/e 3h5si*a$ 3ain. A$"hough "he5 ee$ un3$easan", "he5 he$3 us "oa'oi "he e'en"s "ha" in"erere !i"h our s"ra"egies o sur'i'a$.

#o! *onsier a ieren" "53e o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e, "he 1$o*/ing o a 3reerre %a"ing

s"ra"eg5. A1unan" e'ien*e o*u%en"s !ha" an5 gran%o"her *ou$ ha'e "o$ 5ou"ha"%os" !o%en $oo/ or $ong8"er% $o'e, see/ing a *o%%i""e 3ar"ner !ho !i$$ 1e "here or"he $ong run. Men a$so 3ursue a s"ra"eg5 o *o%%i""e %a"ing so%e o "he "i%e, 1u" "he5ha'e ano"her s"ra"eg5 "ha" a$so $oo%s $arge in "heir re3er"oire, a s"ra"eg5 o *asua$ se.0hen a %an see/s *asua$ se ro% a !o%an !ho see/s *o%%i"%en", "he %an in"ereres!i"h "he !o%an?s 3reerre $ong8"er% %a"ing s"ra"eg5. Bu" a !o%an !ho reuses "o ha'ese 3rior "o signs o *o%%i"%en" is si%u$"aneous$5 in"erering !i"h a %an?s shor"8"er%%a"ing s"ra"eg5.

M5 resear*h has *onsis"en"$5 sho!n "ha" "he 3a""erns o %en?s an !o%en?s anger*orres3on 3re*ise$5 "o "heir res3e*"i'e sour*es o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e. 0o%en, ar%ore "han %en, 1e*o%e angr5 an u3se" 15 "hose !ho see/ se sooner, %ore reuen"$5,an %ore 3ersis"en"$5 "han "he5 !an". Men, ar %ore "han !o%en, 1e*o%e angr5 anu3se" 15 "hose !ho e$a5 se or "h!ar" "heir seua$ a'an*es.

In ea*h o "hese ea%3$es, "he anger ser'es a s3e*ii* se" o aa3"i'e 3ur3oses, @us" as "he 3a""erns o ear ser'e s3e*ii* 3ur3oses. Firs", anger a$er"s "he 3erson "o "he sour*e os"ra"egi* in"ereren*e, ra!ing a""en"ion "o "he in"erering e'en"s an s*reening ou" $essre$e'an" inor%a"ion. Se*on, anger sing$es ou" "hese e'en"s or s"orage in %e%or5.



Thir, i" %o"i'a"es a*"ion ire*"e "o!ar reu*ing "he s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e. A !o%an?sanger a" a %an?s 3ersis"en" an un!an"e seua$ a'an*es, or ea%3$e, un*"ions "o s"o3"he %an in his "ra*/s an a$er" o"hers "o "he %an?s seua$ i%3ro3rie"5. Fina$$5, anger%o"i'a"es a*"ion esigne "o reu*e u"ure e3isoes o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e. E3ressinganger a" "he %an?s a'an*es *an e"er u"ure un!an"e a'an*es, as !e$$ as *u$"i'a"ing a

!o%an?s re3u"a"ion as so%eone !ho is no" eas5 or $oose.

These 3ar"i*u$ar ea%3$es o ear an anger as e%o"ions esigne "o so$'e aa3"i'e 3ro1$e%s are re$a"i'e$5 s"raigh"or!ar an i$$us"ra"e "he $ogi* o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e"heor5. Gea$ous5, ho!e'er, is a %ore *o%3$i*a"e aa3"a"ion, i%1ue !i"h a *o%3$e*o$$age o e%o"ions. Pau$ Mu$$en, a 3s5*hia"ris" a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o O"ago in #e!Lea$an, is*o'ere "ha" %en an !o%en e3erien*e "hese e%o"ions !hen @ea$ous2 3ain,is"ress, se$81$a%e, o33ression, anie"5, $oss, saness, a33rehension, anger, res"$essis"ress, hu%i$ia"ion, sha%e, agi"a"ion, seua$ arousa$ "o!ar 3ar"ner, ear, e3ression,an 1e"ra5a$.

Don Shar3s"een, a 3roessor o 3s5*ho$og5 a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o Missouri a" Ro$$a, as/e+ 3eo3$e "o $is" a$$ "he *hara*"eris"i*s o ro%an"i* @ea$ous5, in*$uing !ha" 3eo3$e !hoe3erien*e @ea$ous5 "hin/, ee$, an o. This s"u5 5ie$e :9 is"in*" *hara*"eris"i*s.Su1seuen"$5, a se*on grou3 o J %en an J !o%en ra"e ea*h o "he :9 ea"ures oni"s *en"ra$i"5 or 3ro"o"53i*a$i"5 "o "he @ea$ous e3erien*e. A%ong "he e%o"ions "ha"e%erge as high$5 3ro"o"53i*a$ !ere hur", "hrea"ene, 1ro/en8hear"e, u3se", inse*ure,ee$ing 1e"ra5e, ee$ing re@e*"e, angr5, 3ossessi'e, en'ious, unha335, *onuse,rus"ra"e, $one$5, e3resse, resen"u$, s*are, an 3aranoi.

Des3i"e "his *o%3$e e%o"iona$ "a3es"r5, "he $ogi* o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e "heor5 a33$ies!i"h eua$ or*e "o @ea$ous5. >i/e anger an ear, @ea$ous5 ser'es as a signa$ "ha" a$er"s a

3erson "o "he sour*e o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e, *auses "he in"erering e'en"s "o 1e 1urnein"o "he 1rain, 3ro%3"s a*"ion esigne "o e$i%ina"e or reu*e "he sour*e o s"ra"egi*in"ereren*e, an %o"i'a"es 1eha'ior esigne "o a'oi si%i$ar /ins o in"ereren*e in "heu"ure.

The *o%3$ei"5 o e%o"iona$ rea*"ions su1su%e 15 @ea$ous5 %irrors "he *o%3$ei"5 o"hrea"s "ha" %us" 1e han$e. Sin*e @ea$ous5 is "riggere 15 signa$s o a 3ar"ner?sinie$i"5, "he $oss o "he 3ar"ner is one o1'ious "hrea". Bu" *onsier a su1"$er "hrea", "he$oss o s"a"us an re3u"a"ion. The 3s5*hia"ris" Mar5 See%an, a 3roessor a" "he Uni'ersi"5o Toron"o, ea%ine i'e !o%en reerre "o her or e"re%e @ea$ous5. In a$$ i'e *ases,"he !o%an is3$a5e an o1session or "he *ir*u%s"an*es o "he hus1an?s inie$i"5,i%agine "he hus1an rii*u$ing her in ron" o "he ri'a$ (hu%i$ia"ion&, 1e*a%e 3reo**u3ie !i"h "he a*" "ha" o"hers %igh" /no! a1ou" "he inie$i"5 an ee$ sorr5 orher (sha%e&, an i%agine her $oss o s"a"us an re3u"a"ion in "he e5es o o"hers. A$$ o"hese !o%en sho!e %ore *on*ern or "he *ir*u%s"an*es surrouning "he hus1an?sinie$i"5 an "he su1seuen" a%age "o "heir re3u"a"ions "han or "he e"ai$s o "he seua$a*"i'i"5 i"se$.



Da%age "o re3u"a"ion is %ere$5 "he 1eginning o "he 3ro1$e%s 3ose 15 a 3ar"ner?sinie$i"5. O"hers in*$ue a ues"ioning o one?s o!n esira1i$i"5 as a %a"e, "he $oss o"rus" in "he 3ar"ner, "hrea"s "o "he !e$are o "he *hi$ren, "he $oss o a 3ar"ner?sin'es"%en", 3o"en"ia$ se'ering o a%i$5 "ies "ha" ha 1een 1ui$" u3 graua$$5 o'er "he5ears, an %an5 %ore. Gea$ous5 is su*h a *o%3$e e%o"ion 1e*ause "he *orres3oning

3ro1$e%s in'o$'e so %an5 is"in*" *o%3onen"s.

The %ain *on*$usion is "ha" @ea$ous5 is a nega"i'e e%o"ion on$5 in "he sense "ha" i" *auses 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ 3ain. Bu" i" is an euisi"e$5 useu$ *o3ing e'i*e !hen !e uners"an "ha"i" is esigne "o ea$ !i"h rea$ re$a"ionshi3 "hrea"s.

%om"ating Threats) The Design of the Defense

Me*hanis%s su*h as @ea$ous5 ha'e "hree essen"ia$ ingreien"s2 in3u", inor%a"ion 3ro*essing 3ro*eures, an ou"3u". 6onsier as an ana$og5 "he eense %e*hanis%hu%ans ha'e e'o$'e "o guar agains" a%age ro% re3ea"e ri*"ion "o "he s/in.

Re3ea"e ri*"ion is a hos"i$e or*e o na"ure, sin*e i" "hrea"ens "o har% "he 3ro"e*"i'e$a5er o "he s/in an "he 1oi$5 %e*hanis%s "he s/in 3ro"e*"s. Hu%ans ha'e e'o$'e aningenious so$u"ion "o "his 3ro1$e%2 *a$$uses. 0hen 5ou !a$/ aroun on 1are ee", orea%3$e, 5our so$es an hee$s gro! *a$$uses, !hi*h ena1$e 5ou "o *on"inue !a$/ingaroun !i"hou" 5our s/in ge""ing !orn o!n "o "he 1one. A$"hough "his see%s o1'ious "ous, in a sense !e shou$ 1e a%ae, 1e*ause "his 3heno%enon a33ears "o e5 "he $a!s o 3h5si*s. 0hen 5ou ri'e aroun in 5our *ar, or ea%3$e, 5our "ires o no" gro! "hi*/eras a *onseuen*e o "he re3ea"e ri*"ion. Tires !ear o!n, @us" $i/e a$$ o"her o1@e*"se3ose "o "hese 3h5si*a$ or*es. Hu%ans, ho!e'er, 3ossess an aa3"a"ion "o eenagains" "hese hos"i$e or*es o 3h5si*s.

6a$$us83rou*ing aa3"a"ions ha'e "hree *o%3onen"s. The irs" *onsis"s o in3u",re3ea"e ri*"ion, !hi*h signa$s a "hrea" an a*"i'a"es a sui"e o 3h5sio$ogi*a$ 3ro*eures.The 3h5sio$ogi*a$ res3onses se" in"o %o"ion a *hain o e'en"s esigne "o 3rou*e ne!s/in *e$$s a" 3re*ise$5 "he $o*a"ions "ha" ha'e e3erien*e re3ea"e ri*"ion. The ou"3u"sare "he ne! s/in *e$$s, "he *a$$uses "ha" "hen aor 3ro"e*"ion ro% ur"her re3ea"eri*"ion. This "rio o *o%3onen"sin3u", 3ro*eures, an ou"3u"es*ri1e a" an a1s"ra*"$e'e$ "he na"ure o "he 1o5?s e'o$'e eense agains" "his hos"i$e or*e o na"ure.

Threa"s "o ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s 3ose ieren" sor"s o aa3"i'e 3ro1$e%s, 1u" "hee'o$'e eenses *an 1e "hough" o in %u*h "he sa%e !a5. Firs", "here are in3u"s "ha" "e$$a 3erson "ha" he or she is a*ing "he "hrea". These in3u"s *an in*$ue s"range s*en"s 5ou

e"e*" on 5our 3ar"ner, suen *hanges in seua$ esire, "he in"rou*"ion o a ne! seua$"e*hniue, %5s"erious hang8u3 3hone *a$$s, 3ro$onge e5e *on"a*" 1e"!een 5our 3ar"neran an a""ra*"i'e %e%1er o "he o33osi"e se, an a hos" o o"hers. regor5 0hi"e anPau$ Mu$$en no"e a ieren" *ons"e$$a"ion o *ues2 The i'ining o a *hange a""i"ue, asu1"$e a$"era"ion in seua$ res3onsi'eness, an une3$aine a1sen*e, a sus3i*ious hair on"he $o'er?s *$o"hinga$$ "hese are ea%3$es o e'en"s "ha" %a5 3ro'ie "he *on"e" or"he sus3i*ions. A$$ "hese in3u"s, e3$ore $a"er in grea"er e"ai$, a$er" a 3erson "o a 3ossi1$e anger.



The ne" s"e3 reuires *o%3$e inor%a"ion 3ro*essing an e'a$ua"ion. Has an inie$i"5a$rea5 o**urre, or o "hese signs signa$ an i%3ening inie$i"5 Is "he ri'a$ %ore or$ess a""ra*"i'e, %ore or $ess su**essu$, %ore or $ess *har%ing "han 5ou are As 5ousear*h 5our %e%or5, ha'e "here 1een o"her signa$s in "he 3as" Or are 5ou @us" 1eing si$$5"o sus3e*" 5our 3ar"ner, !ho a"er a$$ 'o!e ne'er "o s"ra5

Ineren*es a1ou" a %a"e?s inie$i"5 reuire an arra5 o inor%a"ion 3ro*essing e'i*es2 3a5ing a""en"ion "o *er"ain *$asses o *ues, %a/ing ineren*es 1ase on "he%, an $in/ing"he% !i"h o"her *ir*u%s"an"ia$ inor%a"ion. This inor%a"ion 3ro*essing, ho!e'er, is no"*o$, ra"iona$, an is3assiona"e$5 *a$*u$a"e. Man5 e%o"ions a**o%3an5 @ea$ous5,in*$uing rage, hu%i$ia"ion, 3ani*, ear, anie"5, an e3ression, an "he5 %us" 1euners"oo, or "he5 are essen"ia$ "o "he esign o "his eense %e*hanis%.

6o%1a"ing a "hrea" reuires ou"3u" or a*"ion. Aa3"i'e so$u"ions *anno" s"o3 !i"h %ere$5re*ogniing "ha" a "hrea" eis"s. As !e !i$$ see in *ha3"er :, "he *o3ing "ha" *o%es ro% @ea$ous5 is as *o%3$e an 'arie as "he signa$s i" res3ons "o. I" ranges ro% heigh"ene

'igi$an*e, "he irs" $ine o eense, "o e3$osi'e 'io$en*e, "he $as" $ine o eense. I" rangesro% se$8re*ri%ina"ion "o a 1ru"a$ a""a*/ on a ri'a$. I" ranges ro% a""e%3"s a" sui*ie "oa""e%3"s "o /i$$ a 3ar"ner.

The esign o "he eense, in shor", has "hree essen"ia$ *o%3onen"sin3u", e*ision ru$es,an ou"3u"!hose na"ure %us" 1e re'ea$e in orer "o 3$u%1 "he %5s"er5 o @ea$ous5an i"s e3$osi'e %anies"a"ions. In su1seuen" *ha3"ers !e !i$$ e3$ore "his esign ingrea"er e"ai$. For no!, "he 3resen*e o a 3oignan" eense %e*hanis% i%3$ies so%e"hing"o een agains". An "ha" raises "he ne" ues"ion2 i'en "ha" %ari"a$ 'o!s 3ro%isee'o"ion an ie$i"5 un"i$ ea"h o 5ou 3ar", !h5 o %ore "han ha$ o a$$ %arrie*ou3$es suer ro% an inie$i"5 a" so%e 3oin" in "heir %arriages 0h5 are 3eo3$e

"e%3"e 15 au$"er5 in su*h grea" nu%1ers, gi'en "ha" "he5 ris/ $osing so %u*h An ho!oes @ea$ous5 *o%1a" "hese "hrea"s

The %o-Evolutionary S*iral

Mos" 3roessiona$s !ho e'o"e "heir $i'es "o s"u5ing "he %5s"eries o "he hu%an %ino*us on a sing$e "o3i* or 3heno%enon. A%ong "he ran/s o 3s5*ho$ogis"s !e in e3er"s3e*ia$is"s in areas su*h as aggression, *oo3era"ion, a""i"ues, s"a"us, $o'e, $anguage, "heear, "he e5e, 3ani* isorer, a""en"ion ei*i" isorer, an nar*issis"i* 3ersona$i"5isorer. The hu%an %in, ho!e'er, oes no" eis" in iso$a"e 1un$es. I" *on"ains a*o%3$e !e1 o in"er*onne*"e %e*hanis%s. Fur"her%ore, hu%an %ins *anno" 1e

uners"oo ini'iua$$5 or in iso$a"ion. Our %ins are esigne "o ea$ !i"h "he %ins oo"her hu%ans.

One o "he %os" i%3or"an" "oo$s or uners"aning @ea$ous5 is "he "heor5 o *o8e'o$u"ion "he re*i3ro*a$ *hanges "ha" o**ur seuen"ia$$5 in in"era*"ing s3e*ies or 1e"!een "hesees !i"hin one s3e*ies. Prea"ors an 3re5 3ro'ie "he *$eares" i$$us"ra"ion o "he "heor5o *o8e'o$u"ion. Ra11i"s are na"ura$ 3re5 or oes, 1u" "he "!o s3e*ies *oeis" in as3e*ia$ !a5. The ra11i"s *a3"ure an ea"en 15 oes "en "o 1e "hose !ho are s$o!er,



%ore 3reo**u3ie, $ess o1ser'an", an $ess a""en"i'e "o "he hos"i$e or*es aroun "he%.The ui*/er, %ore a""en"i'e ra11i"s sur'i'e an $ea'e %ore es*enan"s. Ea*h genera"iono ra11i"s, "hereore, is s$igh"$5 %ore ae3" a" e'aing oes "han "he 3re'ious genera"ion.

#o! *onsier "hings ro% "he oes? 3ers3e*"i'e. In ea*h genera"ion, oes !ho are %ore

agi$e an $ee" o oo" are %ore su**essu$ a" *a"*hing ra11i"s. The un*oorina"e ans$uggish oes ai$ "o ee an $ea'e e!er es*enan"s. So ea*h genera"ion o oes is inso%e s$igh" !a5 1e""er eui33e "o *a"*h ra11i"s. Ea*h in*re%en" in "he s3ee an agi$i"5o ra11i"s, in essen*e, i%3oses se$e*"ion 3ressure on oes, @us" as ea*h in*re%en" in "hes3ee an agi$i"5 o oes i%3oses se$e*"ion 3ressure on ra11i"s. The *hanges o'er "i%e inra11i"s an oes, $i/e a$$ 3rea"ors an 3re5, are 1es" es*ri1e as a *o8e'o$u"ionar5s3ira$ "ha" *on"inues ineini"e$5, or un"i$ na"ura$ 3h5si*a$ $i%i"s are rea*he.

The sa%e $ogi* a33$ies "o 3arasi"es an "heir hos"s. Hu%ans 3$a5 hos" "o "housans o 3arasi"es "ha" *anno" eis" !i"hou" us. Parasi"es, as a genera$ ru$e, ee on "he hos"organis%, an *an es"ro5 i" o'er "i%e. Hos"s ha'e e'o$'e eense %e*hanis%s "o

*o%1a" 3arasi"es, su*h as i%%une s5s"e%s. The 3arasi"es "ha" sur'i'e, ho!e'er, are "hose"ha" are %os" s/i$$e a" e'aing "he hos"?s eense %e*hanis%s. Parasi"es an hos"s "hus*o8e'o$'e in a ne'er8ening s3ira$, !i"h ea*h *hange in hos"s i%3osing se$e*"ion 3ressureon 3arasi"es, an ea*h *hange in 3arasi"es i%3osing se$e*"ion 3ressure on "he hos"s.

The $ogi* o re*i3ro*a$ *hanges in in"era*"ing s3e*ies a33$ies !i"h eua$ or*e "oin"era*"ing sees !i"hin a s3e*ies. 6onsier as an ea%3$e "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 s3ira$ "ha"o**urs 1e"!een %en an !o%en o'er "he $in/e issues o *o%%i"%en" an se. As Io*u%en"e inThe Evolution of esire% !o%en ha'e e'o$'e a 3reeren*e or 3ar"ners!ho sho! re$ia1$e ini*a"ions o "he a1i$i"5 an !i$$ingness "o *hanne$ resour*es "o "he%an "heir *hi$ren. O'er hu%an e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5, !o%en !ho su**eee in a""ra*"ing

*o%%i""e %en sur'i'e an re3rou*e %ore su**essu$$5 "han !o%en !ho ai$e "oa""ra*" su*h %en.

0o%en?s 3reeren*es, in "urn, *an eer" *o8e'o$u"ionar5 se$e*"ion 3ressure on %en. Men!ho is3$a5 re$ia1$e *ues "o *o%%i"%en" are 3reeren"ia$$5 *hosen 15 !o%en %enuna1$e "o is3$a5 "hese *ues ge" 1anishe ro% %a"ing. De*isions "o %a"e, ho!e'er, area$!a5s %ae in a shrou o un*er"ain"5, !hi*h o3ens "he oor "o e*e3"ion. So%e %en%a5 e'e$o3 a s"ra"eg5 o 3ro'iing a$se *ues "o *o%%i"%en", $uring "he !o%an in"o aseua$ en*oun"er, an "hen a1anoning her. Men?s e*e3"i'e s"ra"eg5 is one *o8e'o$'eou"*o%e o !o%en?s ini"ia$ 3reeren*e or *o%%i"%en".

As a s"ra"eg5 o e*e3"ion s3reas, ho!e'er, i" 3rou*es se$e*"ion 3ressure on !o%en "os*reen ou" "he e*ei'ers. 0o%en %igh" 1egin "o insis" on a $onger 3erio o *our"shi3, orea%3$e, 1eore *onsen"ing "o se, or $oo/ or signs "ha" "he %an is 3$a5ing "he ie$,su*h as ho! %u*h his a""en"ion is i'er"e ro% "heir *on'ersa"ion !hen an a""ra*"i'e!o%an !a$/s 15. The5 %igh" e'e$o3 "es"s o a %an?s *o%%i"%en", su*h as as/ing "ha"he *an*e$ !a"*hing "he Mona5 nigh" oo"1a$$ ga%e !i"h his riens "o a""en "o hernees.



As !o%en e'e$o3e "he a1i$i"5 "o e"e*" e*e3"ion, "he5 i%3ose se$e*"ion 3ressure on%en "o 1e*o%e 1e""er e*ei'ers. An so "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 s3ira$ *on"inues, !i"h ea*hin*re%en" in one se 3rou*ing re*i3ro*a$ e'o$u"ionar5 *hange in "he o"her. Aa3"a"ionsin one se $ea "o *oun"er8aa3"a"ions in "he o"her, an "hose in "urn $ea "o ur"her*oun"er8aa3"a"ions an *oun"er8*oun"er8aa3"a"ions. As $ong as "he s"ra"egies o "he

sees are in so%e egree o *on$i*", "his *o8e'o$u"ionar5 s3ira$ !i$$ *on"inue una1a"e.A" "he *urren" %o%en" in "i%e, !e are 3oise in "he %i$e o "his s3ira$, !i"h !o%en 1eing e*e$$en" e"e*"ors o e*e3"ion, as ini*a"e 15 a*"ors su*h as "heir su3eriori"5o'er %en in e*oing non'er1a$ signa$s. Men, in "urn, *an 1e no"orious$5 s/i$$e a"e*ei'ing !o%en.

Gea$ous5 3ro'ies "he 3ere*" ea%3$e o "he 3o!er o "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 s3ira$, an i"s"ar"s !i"h "he e'o$u"ion o $o'e. Sus"aine ro%an"i* 1ons 3ose a s3e*ia$ 3ro1$e%2 ho!"o een agains" "he 3ossi1i$i"5 "ha" 3oa*hers $ur/ in "he !ings an %igh" su**ee in$uring a 3ar"ner a!a5. One 3o3u$ar song *a3"ure "he essen*e o "he 3oa*hing 3ro1$e%,a$1ei" ro% a %an?s 3oin" o 'ie!2 0hen 5ou?re in $o'e !i"h a 1eau"iu$ !o%an, !a"*h

5our riens. The %ore esira1$e 5our 3ar"ner, "he %ore in"en"$5 in"eres"e 3o"en"ia$in"er$o3ers !i$$ 1e "o in"rue.

Gea$ous5 e'o$'e as a 3ri%ar5 eense, a *o8e'o$'e res3onse "o "hrea"s o a 3ar"ner?sinie$i"5 an a1anon%en". I" 1e*o%es a*"i'a"e !hene'er a 3erson 3er*ei'es signs oee*"iona s"range s*en", a suen *hange in seua$ 1eha'ior, a sus3i*ious a1sen*e. I"ge"s "riggere !hen a 3ar"ner ho$s e5e *on"a*" !i"h so%eone e$se or a s3$i" se*on "oo$ong, or !hen a ri'a$ s"ans a "a "oo *$ose "o 5our $o'e one or suen$5 see%sas*ina"e 15 "he %inu"iae o his or her $ie. These signa$s o no" ine'i"a1$5 %ean "ha" a 3ar"ner !i$$ s"ra5, @us" as "he anno5ing 1$are o a ire a$ar% oes no" ine'i"a1$5 %ean "ha"a ire is 1$aing. A$ar%s %a5 1e a$se. Bu" "hese signa$s a$er" us "o "he 3ossi1i$i"5 o

inie$i"5, sin*e "he5 ha'e 1een s"a"is"i*a$$5 $in/e !i"h re$a"ionshi3 $oss o'er "he $ong*ourse o hu%an e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5.

This is !here *o8e'o$u"ion /i*/s in again. Gea$ous5, !hi*h gi'es us sensi"i'i"5 "o signa$so 1e"ra5a$, 3rou*es 3ar"ners !ho *on*ea$ "heir ee*"ions an !ou$81e 3oa*hers !ho*on*ea$ "heir in"eres" in 5our %a"e. A *$assi* *ase o %isire*"ion o**urre in V$ai%ir #a1o/o'?s no'e$ Laughter in the ark . The *en"ra$ *hara*"er is a !ea$"h5, res3e*"a1$e 1usiness%an na%e A$1inus, !ho 3ursues ar" an *ine%a as ho11ies. A"er a $ong 3erioo an"asiing a1ou" i", A$1inus $ea'es his !ie an s"ar"s "o $i'e !i"h his 5oung %is"ress,na%e Margo Pe"ers. Un1e/no!ns" "o A$1inus, Margo 1egins "o s*he%e "o $ee*e hi% ohis %one5. In "i%e, A$1inus hires an ar"is" na%e Ae$ Re "o inu$ge his an"as5 or 3rou*ing a ne! /in o %o'ie. A$1inus re%ains in "he ar/ a1ou" "he a*" "ha" Re anMargo ha 3re'ious$5 1een $o'ers. Beore $ong, Margo an Re resu%e "heir "orri aair.Ae$ Re e$igh"s in *arr5ing ou" "he e*e3"ion righ" uner A$1inus?s nose. 0hen A$1inus 1egins "o gro! sus3i*ious, Re uses an in"eres"ing rusehe 3re"ens "o 1e ga5. Margo @oins Re in "he e*e3"ion, e*$aring her *on"e%3" or Re?s e%inine %anneris%s. 0i"h"hese e*e3"ions in 3$a*e, Margo an Re su**ee in a$$a5ing A$1inus?s sus3i*ions, anRe is a$$o!e "o 1e*o%e a *o%%on 3resen*e in "heir househo$ !hi$e *u*/o$ingA$1inus a" e'er5 o33or"uni"5.



6o8e'o$u"ion *on"inues. 6on*ea$%en", !hi*h e'o$'e as a res3onse "o a 3ar"ner?s @ea$ous5, no! 3rou*es an in*rease sensi"i'i"5 "o su1"$e signs o "rea*her5. Gea$ous5 1e*o%es %ore easi$5 a*"i'a"e. In Laughter in the ark% a *ar a**ien" reners A$1inus$i"era$$5 1$in, a %e"a3hor or his 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ 1$inness. His ina1i$i"5 "o see Margoan Re?s e*e3"ion $e "o his ina1i$i"5 "o see a" a$$. He %o'es uneasi$5 !i"h a *ane,

1u%3ing in"o o1@e*"s as he s"u%1$es "hrough "he ar/ness. Bu" o'er "i%e, his 3h5si*a$ 1$inness i%3ro'es his 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ sensi"i'i"5. He 1egins "o hear "he $augh"er in "hear/. An or "he irs" "i%e, 3s5*ho$ogi*a$$5, he 1egins "o see. O'er e'o$u"ionar5 "i%e,"hose !ho go" u3e ai$e "o re3rou*e as su**essu$$5 as "hose !i"h 3s5*ho$ogi*a$an"ennae a""une "o e*e3"ion. So hu%ans ha'e 1e*o%e in*rei1$5 s/i$$u$ e"e*"ors oe*e3"ion, @us" as !e are ae3" a" *arr5ing ou" e*e3"ion.

The s3ira$ *on"inues una1a"e, as $ong as "he *on$i*"s o in"eres" 1e"!een %en an!o%en *on"inue. In so%e *ases, "he goo s$eu"h !ins, "he e*e3"ion is su**essu$$5e"e*"e, an "he "hrea" "o "he re$a"ionshi3 is s/i$$u$$5 'anuishe. In o"her *ases, "he 1e"ra5er !ins. An in so%e *ases, "here is no *$ear !inner. 0hen A$1inus ina$$5 hears

"he $augh"er in his ar/ness, Ae$ Re an Margo are or*e "o $ee. A$"hough "he5%anage "o *hea" A$1inus seua$$5 an %one"ari$5, his e%erging 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ sensi"i'i"5"o 1e"ra5a$ he$3s hi% "o s"aun*h "he $osses. He re"urns "o his !ie an see/s re'enge onhis 1e"ra5ers. A" "his %o%en" in "he e'o$u"ion o our s3e*ies, !e are a$$ en 3rou*"s o"he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 3ro*ess "ha" has 3rou*e an euisi"e *a3a*i"5 or ro%an"i*e*e3"ion as !e$$ as a grea" *a3a*i"5 or e"e*"ing i".

#o! *onsier ano"her *o8e'o$u"ionar5 s3ira$ in'o$'ing @ea$ous5. A$"hough i" is 3ri%ari$5a eense agains" a 3ar"ner?s ee*"ion, "he in"ensi"5 o @ea$ous5 a$so re'ea$s "o "he 3ar"nerinor%a"ion a1ou" "he s"reng"h o *o%%i"%en". Peo3$e *orre*"$5 in"er3re" "he "o"a$a1sen*e o @ea$ous5 as ai$ure "o 1e sui*ien"$5 *o%%i""e "o "he re$a"ionshi3. I%agine

"ha" 5ou s"ar"e 3assiona"e$5 /issing so%eone e$se a" a 3ar"5 !hi$e 5our 3ar"ner $oo/eon, a$$ "he !hi$e is3$a5ing no" "he s$igh"es" sign o 1eing u3se". You !ou$ a$%os"*er"ain$5 !oner !he"her 5our 3ar"ner rea$$5 *are a1ou" 5ou, or e'en ha a 3u$se.A1sen*e o @ea$ous5 signa$s $a*/ o $o'e.

Peo3$e in"er3re" %oera"e @ea$ous5, in *on"ras", as a sign "ha" "heir 3ar"ner ee$s*o%%i""e "o "he%, 1u" e*essi'e @ea$ous5 signa$s anger. Men an !o%en in"er3re"e*essi'e @ea$ous5 as a sign o anie"5 a1ou" "he re$a"ionshi3. The5 sense *orre*"$5 "ha""he 3ar"ner ee$s 3er3e"ua$$5 "hrea"ene 15 rea$ or i%agine ri'a$s.

Ho! o "hese signa$s en"er in"o "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 ar%s ra*e o @ea$ous5 0o%en ha'ee'e$o3e a s"ra"eg5 o intentionally evoking @ea$ous5 15 s"ra"egi*a$$5 $ir"ing !i"h o"her%en in "heir 3ar"ner?s 3resen*e. 0h5 "ri3 an e%o"iona$ s!i"*h an ris/ @ea$ous 'io$en*eFirs", 15 e'o/ing @ea$ous5, !o%en in*rease "he %an?s 3er*e3"ion o "heir esira1i$i"5. A%an !ho "a/es his gir$rien or gran"e, or ea%3$e, %igh" *o%e "o 1e$ie'e (or 1ere%ine& "ha" she is a rea$ 1a1e a"er ri'a$s s"ar" sniing aroun. Se*on, e'o/ing @ea$ous5 3ro'ies a $i"%us "es" or "he !o%an. B5 gauging "he 3ar"ner?s res3onse, she *ane'a$ua"e "he s"reng"h o his *o%%i"%en". I he is inieren" "o her $ir"a"ions !i"h o"her%en, i" signa$s "he $a*/ o *o%%i"%en" i he ge"s @ea$ous, i" signa$s "he e3"h o his



e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en". Thir, e'o/ing @ea$ous5 in*reases a %an?s *o%%i"%en". B5*on'in*ing "he 3ar"ner "ha" he is surroune 15 ri'a$s, "he %an *o%es "o 1e$ie'e "ha" he ise"raorinari$5 $u*/5 "o 1e !i"h his 3ar"ner, an "hus s"reng"hens his *o%%i"%en" "o her.

In 3rin*i3$e, "his shou$ se" "he s"age or 5e" ano"her s3ira$ in "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 3ro*ess.

Men are no" %ere$5 3assi'e 3u33e"s a" "he hans o !o%en, ha'ing "heir @ea$ous5 s"rings"igh"ene an s$a*/ene a" !o%en?s !hi%a" $eas" no" a$$ "he "i%e. The5 $earn "ois"inguish rea$ "hrea"s ro% a$se a$ar%s, "o se3ara"e a %a"e?s *asua$ $ir"a"ion ro% rea$seua$ in"eres" in a ri'a$. Bu" !e $i'e in a so*ia$ !or$ i$$e !i"h un*er"ain"5. A 3erson?ss%i$e %a5 1e "he %os" a%1iguous signa$ in "he %a"ing uni'erse, so i"?s o"en har "o/no! i i" signiies *asua$ $ir"ing, rea$ seua$ in"eres", or %ere$5 rien$iness.

These ea%3$es gi'e so%e $a'or o "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 s3ira$s "ha" ha'e e'o$'e o'er"i%e in "he in"ri*a"e an*e o %en an !o%en in ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s. The ne" *ha3"ere3$ores ho! !o%en an %en o "his an*e ieren"$5.



CHAPTER 3

Gea$ous5 on Mars an Venus

The e%a$e o "he s3e*ies is %ore ea$5 "han "he %a$e.

Ru5ar Ki3$ing

6OUP>E THERAPIST A#D AUTHOR Gohn ra5 argues "ha", !hen i" *o%es "o

re$a"ionshi3s, %en see% $i/e "he5 are ro% Mars, !o%en ro% Venus. Are %en %ore @ea$ous "han !o%en Or are !o%en %ore @ea$ous "han %en >i"era"ure, ra%a, an%o'ies o"en e3i*" %en as "he @ea$ous se. Sha/es3eare?s O"he$$o !as *onsu%e !i"h @ea$ous5, or ea%3$e, an i" is har "o in *o%3ara1$e ra%a"i* *ases 3or"ra5ing!o%en. 6o%%on $ore, on "he o"her han, no"es "ha" he$$ ha"h no ur5 $i/e a !o%ans*orne, sugges"ing "ha" !o%en %igh" rea*" %ore in"ense$5 "o a 1e"ra5a$ or ee*"ion.0ha" o "he s*ien"ii* s"uies sho! a1ou" !hi*h se is %os" @ea$ous

Ho! !ou$ 5ou res3on "o "he o$$o!ing ues"ions, ra"ing "he% on a <83oin" s*a$ero% strongly disagree (+& "o strongly agree (<&

+.

I" oes no" 1o"her %e !hen I see %5 $o'er $ir"ing !i"h so%eone e$se.

.

0hen I see %5 $o'er /issing so%eone e$se %5 s"o%a*h /no"s u3.

-.

0hen %5 $o'er an*es !i"h so%eone e$se I ee$ 'er5 uneas5.

;.

0hen so%e1o5 hugs %5 $o'er I ge" si*/ insie.

J.

I" !ou$ 1o"her %e i %5 3ar"ner reuen"$5 ha sa"is5ing seua$ re$a"ions !i"hso%eone e$se.

9.

I" is en"er"aining "o hear "he seua$ an"asies %5 3ar"ner has a1ou" ano"her 3erson.



Bra% Buun/, a 3roessor a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o roningen in "he #e"her$ans, an his*o$$a1ora"ors 3ose "hese ues"ions "o ,<= 3eo3$e in Hungar5, Ire$an, Mei*o, "he #e"her$ans, "he or%er So'ie" Union, "he Uni"e S"a"es, an Yugos$a'ia. Yugos$a'ians

e3resse "he grea"es" is"ress a" a $o'er $ir"ing !i"h so%eone e$se, !hereas Hungarianssho!e "he $eas" is"ress a1ou" $ir"ing. In shar3 *on"ras", Hungarians "o33e "he s*a$e in 1eing u3se" a1ou" a $o'er /issing so%eone e$se, !hereas Yugos$a'ians e3resse $i""$eis"ress o'er a e! s"o$en /isses.

The %os" i%3or"an" ining, ho!e'er, !as "ha" %en an !o%en a*ross a$$ se'en na"ionsre3or"e 'ir"ua$$5 ien"i*a$ $e'e$s o @ea$ous5. Du"*h %en an !o%en, $i/e Russian %enan !o%en, s*ore a$%os" ea*"$5 a$i/e in "heir @ea$ous5 o'er a 3ar"ner $ir"ing !i"hso%eone e$se. Gea$ous5 res3onses "o %ore e"re%e or%s o inie$i"5, su*h as a 3ar"nerreuen"$5 ha'ing sa"is5ing seua$ re$a"ions !i"h so%eone e$se, a$so re'ea$e "ha" "hesees are 'ir"ua$$5 ien"i*a$ in a$$ *u$"ures.

O"her s"uies on A%eri*an sa%3$es 'eri5 "he $a*/ o se ieren*es on g$o1a$ %easureso @ea$ous5. In res3onse "o "he ues"ion, Ho! u3se" !ou$ 5ou ge" i 5our 1o5rien orgir$rien an"asie a1ou" ha'ing se @us" on*e !i"h a 'er5 a""ra*"i'e 3erson "he5 sa! ina %againe %en @uge i" "o 1e -.; on a <83oin" s*a$e an !o%en -.<, 1o"h%oera"e$5 u3se""ing an no" signii*an"$5 ieren". Doens o o"her s"uies 'eri5 "he*on*$usion "ha" o'era$$, %en an !o%en are eua$$5 @ea$ous.

6$ini*a$ *ases o e"re%e @ea$ous5 are 3o3u$a"e !i"h 1o"h sees, *on"rar5 "o "hes"ereo"53e "ha" e"re%e @ea$ous5 a$i*"s on$5 %en. Here are "!o *ases, one ro% ea*h se.6ase +2 Eni, *on'in*e "ha" her hus1an !as *arr5ing on in his oi*e, 3ai hi% a

sur3rise 'isi" in"ening "o *a"*h hi% in "he a*".? She oun "he oi*e e%3"5 1u"*o%3$e"e$5 rearrange. There !ere 3ho"ogra3hs an 3ain"ings on "he !a$$ "ha" she i no"re*ognie. She i%%eia"e$5 *on*$ue "ha" "he $o'er ha ree*ora"e "he oi*e. On$5$a"er i she rea$ie "ha" she !as in a*" in so%eone e$se?s oi*ean oi*e "ha" !as 'er5ieren" in sie an sha3e ro% her hus1an?s. 6ase 2 A %i$e8age %an 1egan "o!orr5 a1ou" his !ie?s inie$i"5. As he a33roa*he "he house, he !ou$ "urn o "he *arengine an hea$igh"s an *oas" in"o "he ri'e!a5. Then he !ou$ 1urs" in"o "he house 3re*i3i"ous$5. One nigh" he !en" "o "he 1a*/ o "he house, *$i%1e u3 "he s"e3s on "i3"oean ra%a"i*a$$5 $ung o3en "he rear oor, u$$5 e3e*"ing "o sur3rise his !ie in "he ar%so ano"her %an. His !ie !as si%3$5 s"aning 15 "he s"o'e . . . *oo/ing inner an $oo/ea" hi% !i"h *onsiera1$e *uriosi"5.

The *on*$usion is *$ear2 !o%en an %en a$i/e *an 1e 3$ague 15 @ea$ous5, 1o"h in i"se'er5a5 %anies"a"ions an in i"s %ore $ori *$ini*a$ e3ressions. I "ha" !ere a$$ "o "hes"or5, !e *ou$ *on*$ue "he *ha3"er a" "his 3oin". I" !as no" un"i$ e'o$u"ionar5 3s5*ho$ogis"s 3ose a ieren" se" o ues"ions, ri'en 15 a 3o!eru$ "heor5, "ha" seieren*es in "he 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ *o%3onen"s o @ea$ous5 1egan "o e%erge.

+iolations of Desire



Men?s an !o%en?s %a"ing s"ra"egies ier 3rooun$5. 0o%en 3$a*e a 3re%iu% on*o%%i"%en" an a$$ o "he *ues "o *o%%i"%en", %os" *en"ra$$5 e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en"an $o'e. Men ha'e e'o$'e a grea"er esire or seua$ 'arie"5, !hi*h 3rou*es"re%enous *on$i*" 1e"!een "he sees, or i" 'io$a"es !o%en?s esire or in"i%a"ein'o$'e%en". Be*ause 5ou"h an 1eau"5 are so s"rong$5 *orre$a"e !i"h er"i$i"5 in

!o%en, %en ha'e e'o$'e a s"rong esire or !o%en !ho e%1o5 "hese ua$i"ies.Fina$$5, %en 'a$ue seua$ ie$i"5 in a 3ar"ner, or an5 inie$i"5 on a !o%an?s 3ar" 3u"sher %a"e?s 3a"erni"5 a" ris/. Men?s an !o%en?s seua$ s"ra"egies 3ro'ie "he ouna"ionor "he 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ esign o @ea$ous5.

To uners"an "he i%3$i*a"ions, re*a$$ "he *on*e3" o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e, !hi*h o**urs!hen so%eone 1$o*/s or i%3ees "he s"ra"egies an goa$s o ano"her 3erson. The so8*a$$e nega"i'e e%o"ions su*h as anger, ear, an @ea$ous5 are "ra*/ing e'i*es, a$er"ingus "o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e. Sin*e %en an !o%en ha'e e'o$'e ieren" seua$s"ra"egies, "he5 shou$ ge" @ea$ous, angr5, an u3se" a1ou" ieren" e'en"s. A !o%an?sesire or e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en", or ea%3$e, !i$$ 1e 'io$a"e !hen a 3o"en"ia$ 3ar"ner

"rea"s her as a one8nigh" s"an. A %an?s esire or a 3ar"ner?s seua$ ie$i"5 !i$$ 1e'io$a"e !hen his 3ar"ner has se !i"h ano"her %an.

In "he o$$o!ing se*"ions, !e e3$ore "he resear*h "ha" "es"s "hese ieas. 0e s"ar" !i"h "he%os" una%en"a$ se ieren*e in "he 3s5*ho$og5 o @ea$ous5, a ieren*e *en"ering on"he i%3or"an*e o e%o"iona$ an seua$ in'o$'e%en" !i"h ri'a$s.

Mama,s &a"y !a*a,s May"e

6o%3ro%ises in 3a"erni"5 *er"ain"5 *o%e a" a su1s"an"ia$ *os" "o %en. In e'o$u"ionar5*urren*ies, %en ris/ !as"ing a$$ "he %a"ing eor" "he5 e3ene, in*$uing "he "i%e,

energ5, an gi"s "he5 ha'e in'es"e !hi$e *our"ing a !o%an. The %an a$so in*urs !ha"e*ono%is"s *a$$ o33or"uni"5 *os"s, "he %isse o33or"uni"ies !i"h o"her !o%en as aresu$" o e'o"ing a$$ "heir eor" "o one !o%an. A *u*/o$e %an a$so $oses "he !o%an?s 3aren"a$ eor", !hi*h 1e*o%es *hanne$e "o a ri'a$?s gene"i* *hi$ren. He ris/s 3aren"inga ri'a$?s gene"i* *hi$ren in "he %is"a/en 1e$ie "ha" "he5 are his o!n. Fina$$5, "he %anris/s a%age "o his re3u"a"ion, sin*e *u*/o$s are uni'ersa$$5 rii*u$e in "he e5es oo"hers.

In ree*e, or ea%3$e, a %an?s re3u"a"ion is "hrea"ene !hen "he !ie?s inie$i"5 . . . 1rings isgra*e "o "he hus1an !ho is "hen a Kera"as"he !ors" insu$" or a ree/ %an a sha%eu$ e3i"he" !i"h *onno"a"ions o !ea/ness an inaeua*5. . . . 0hi$e or "he !ie

i" is so*ia$$5 a**e3"a1$e "o "o$era"e her unai"hu$ hus1an, i" is no" so*ia$$5 a**e3"a1$e ora %an "o "o$era"e his unai"hu$ !ie an i he oes, he is rii*u$e as 1eha'ing in anun%an$5 %anner.

i'en "hese 3o"en"ia$$5 *a"as"ro3hi* *os"s, !e e3e*" "ha" e'o$u"ion !ou$ ha'e orge 3o!eru$ eenses "o 3re'en" in*urring "he%. Gea$ous5 is "he 1es" *ania"e. The s3e*ii*na"ure o "he ris/ shou$ ha'e $e" ee3 groo'es on "he 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ re*or "ha" eines%a$e seua$ @ea$ous5. Gea$ous5 in %en shou$ 3i'o" hea'i$5 aroun "he sexual as3e*"s o a



3ar"ner?s inie$i"5. A seua$ inie$i"5 15 "he !o%an, %ore "han an5 o"her or% oinie$i"5, i%3ose "he grea"es" *os"s on an*es"ra$ %en. This %a5 see% o1'ious, 3erha3s, 1u" "he sa%e $ogi* oes no" a33$5 "o !o%en.

Emotional %urrents

#o !o%an e'er ris/e %a"erni"5 un*er"ain"5 as a resu$" o a 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5. Hu%anre3rou*"i'e 1io$og5 guaran"ees a !o%an *er"ain"5 "ha" she is "he gene"i* %o"her o her*hi$ren. 6er"ain"5 in %a"erni"5, ho!e'er, oes no" ee%3" !o%en ro% "he *os"s o a 3ar"ner?s 3hi$anering. An*es"ra$ !o%en !ou$ ha'e ris/e "he $oss o a %an?s "i%e,energ5, resour*es, an *o%%i"%en", a$$ o !hi*h *ou$ ge" i'er"e "o a ri'a$ !o%an anher *hi$ren.

In hu%an e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5, "here ha'e 1een a" $eas" "hree si"ua"ions in !hi*h a !o%an!as in anger o $osing a %an?s in'es"%en". Firs", in a %onoga%ous %arriage, a !o%anris/e ha'ing her %a"e in'es" in an a$"erna"i'e !o%an !i"h !ho% he !as ha'ing an

aair. This re3resen"s a 3ar"ia$ $oss o "he %an?s in'es"%en". Se*on, in a %onoga%ous%arriage, a !o%an *han*e $osing her hus1an "o ano"her !o%an, a $arge or "o"a$ $oss ohis in'es"%en". Thir, in a 3o$5g5nous %arriage, a !o%an ris/e ha'ing her hus1anin'es" %ore in o"her !i'es an "heir *hi$ren a" "he e3ense o her an her *hi$ren.

The %os" re$ia1$e ini*a"or "ha" a %an !ou$ i'er" his in'es"%en" !as no" in ha'ing se!i"h ano"her !o%an 3er se, 1u" ra"her in 1e*o%inge#otionally involved !i"h ano"her!o%an. The a1i$i"5 "o gauge a %an?s e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en" 1e*o%es 3ara%oun" ingauging *o%%i"%en". Ho! !ou$ 5ou res3on "hese "!o s"a"e%en"s, using a <83oin"s*a$e ranging ro% strongly disagree (+&to strongly agree (<&2 Se !i"hou" *o%%i"%en" is'er5 unsa"is5ing an I !ou$ in i" har "o ha'e se !i"h so%eone I !as no" in $o'e

!i"h. I 5ou are $i/e %os" !o%en, 5ou !ou$ "en "o agree !i"h "hese s"a"e%en"s, ra"ing"he% o'er J.. I 5ou are $i/e %os" %en, ho!e'er, 5ou "en "o isagree, ra"ing "he%aroun -.. Peo3$e ro% "he Uni"e S"a"es an er%an5 gi'e rough$5 eui'a$en"res3onses, re'ea$ing a $arge se ieren*e in "he esire or $o'e "o a**o%3an5 seaesire "ha" "rans*ens *u$"ures.

0ha" ha33ens !hen 5ou ha'e se an5!a5, !i"hou" an5 e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en" ro% 5our 3ar"ner The an"hro3o$ogis" Gohn Marsha$ To!nsen o S5ra*use Uni'ersi"5 e3$ore "hisissue in e"ai$. He in"er'ie!e a sa%3$e o J *o$$ege s"uen"s, se$e*"e or 1eing high$5seua$$5 a*"i'e. These s"uen"s !ere 3rese$e*"e 1ase on "heir s*ores on "he So*ioseua$Orien"a"ion In'en"or5, an ins"ru%en" "ha" e'a$ua"es a 3erson?s 3ro*$i'i"5 "o!ar %an5

shor"8"er% seua$ en*oun"ers 'ersus a 3reeren*e or one $ong8"er% *o%%i""e 3ar"ner.The !o%en se$e*"e or To!nsen?s s"u5 eie "he nor%a$ s"ereo"53e o !o%en 15"heir unusua$$5 high $e'e$s o seua$ a*"i'i"5 !i"h a 'arie"5 o %en. Do "hese seua$$5a*"i'e !o%en res3on $i/e seua$$5 a*"i'e %en in "heir e%o"iona$ rea*"ions "o *asua$ se

To!nsen as/e 3ar"i*i3an"s2 Ha'e 5ou e'er *on"inue "o ha'e se on a regu$ar 1asis!i"h so%eone 5ou i no" !an" "o ge" e%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e !i"h On$5 a "hir o "he!o%en (-< 3er*en"& ans!ere 5es "o "his ues"ion, *o%3are !i"h %ore "han "hree8



our"hs (<9 3er*en"& o "he %en. O "hose !ho ans!ere 5es, "he o$$o!8u3 ues"ion !as2I 5ou ans!ere 5es, i 5ou in i" ii*u$" "o /ee3 ro% ge""ing e%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e!i"h "his 3erson Again, a $arge se ieren*e e%erge, !i"h <; 3er*en" o "he %en, 1u"on$5 3er*en" o "he !o%en, sa5ing "ha" "he5 oun i" eas5 "o /ee3 ro% ge""inge%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e. O"her ues"ions re'ea$e si%i$ar se ieren*es. To "he s"a"e%en",

I ee$ I shou$ 1e e%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e !i"h a !o%an4%an 1eore ha'ing se !i"hhi%4her, < 3er*en" o "he %en isagree, !hereas on$5 - 3er*en" o "he !o%enisagree.

0o%en !ho ha'e se !i"hou" e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en" "en "o ee$ 'u$nera1$e a"er!ar,e3ressing "he 'ie! "ha" "he5 ee$ use, egrae, an *hea3ene 15 "he e3erien*e. Hereis !ha" one !o%an re3or"e2 I *onsier %5se$ a 'er5 seua$ !o%an. I $o'e se, 1u" Ion?" @us" !an" se. I !an" "o %a/e $o'e. Ma/ing $o'e is 'er5 ieren". I" i%3$ies 5ouha'e a re$a"ionshi3. An 5ou ha'e so%e *on"ro$. So a1ou" "!o !ee/s ago I !as rea$$5,rea$$5 sa. I @us" ha"e %5se$ or gi'ing in "o %en as easi$5 as I?'e one . . . I ha'e 1een"o 1e !i"h ; gu5s. Tha"?s ho! o$ I a%2 ;. T!en"58our gu5s !i"hin "he $as" i'e 5ears.

I "hin/ "ha"?s si*/ 1e*ause no" one o "he% %ean" an5"hing "o %e. Or, $e"?s 3u" i" "his !a52I in?" rea$$5 %ean an5"hing "o "he%. This %ae %e ee$ rea$$5 *hea3. As To!nsen*on*$ues ro% his s"uies on !o%en, a""e%3"s "o *on"inue regu$ar *oi"us !hen "he5esire %ore in'es"%en" "han "heir 3ar"ners !ere !i$$ing "o gi'e 3rou*e ee$ings ois"ress, egraa"ion, an e3$oi"a"ion es3i"e a**e3"an*e o $i1era$ seua$ %ora$i"5.

Men an !o%en, in shor", ier in "heir a""i"ues a1ou" "he ro$e o e%o"iona$in'o$'e%en" in se. Mos" !o%en, e'en "hose !ho en u3 ha'ing a nu%1er o *asua$seua$ en*oun"ers, !an" so%e /in o e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en". Mos" %en, in *on"ras",ha'e $ess ii*u$"5 ha'ing se !i"hou" an5 e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en". For su*h *asua$$ings, %en e'o"e nei"her %u*h "i%e nor %an5 resour*es. I a %an 1e*a%e e%o"iona$$5

in'o$'e !i"h an aair 3ar"ner, ho!e'er, i" !ou$ signa$ a $onger8"er% "hrea"in*reasing$5 $arge i'ersions o resour*es o$$o!. For "hese reasons, !e 3rei*"e "ha"!o%en?s @ea$ous5 !i$$ o*us $ess on "he se a*" 3er se, an %ore on a %an?s e%o"iona$in'o$'e%en" !i"h o"her !o%en. 0hen a %an is e%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e !i"h ano"her!o%an, i"?s a "e$$"a$e sign "ha" he %igh" *o%%i" "o her o'er "he $ong run. 0hen a!o%an?s regu$ar 3ar"ner 1e*o%es in'o$'e !i"h so%eone e$se, 1o"h seua$$5 ane%o"iona$$5, i" is "he e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en" "ha" shou$ 3ro'o/e "he s"ronges" ee$ings o @ea$ous5.

The So*hie,s %hoie of #ealousy

Our "heor5 o se ieren*es in @ea$ous5, o *ourse, oes no" i%3$5 "ha" !o%en !i$$ 1einieren" "o a %a"e?s seua$ inie$i"5, nor "ha" %en !i$$ 1e inieren" "o a !o%an?se%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en" !i"h o"her %en. To "he *on"rar5, 1o"h or%s o inie$i"5 aree"re%e$5 u3se""ing "o 1o"h sees. On a <83oin" s*a$e, !here < isextre#ely upsetting% 1o"hsees s*ore 1e"!een si an se'en !hen as/e "o @uge ho! u3se""ing ei"her or% oinie$i"5 !ou$ 1e, !hen ea*h is e'a$ua"e ini'iua$$5.



0ha" ha33ens !hen 5ou are or*e "o *hoose !hi*h is %ore u3se""ing, a 3ar"ner?s seua$inie$i"5 or a 3ar"ner?s e%o"iona$ inie$i"5 The "!o are *orre$a"e in na"ure, o *ourse,sin*e 3eo3$e "en "o 1e*o%e e%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e !i"h "hose "he5 ha'e se !i"h anseua$$5 in'o$'e !i"h "hose "he5 are e%o"iona$$5 *$ose "o. Bu" no" a$!a5s. Se *an o**ur!i"hou" e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en", as in a one8nigh" s"an or a s3ring 1rea/ $ing in 6an*un.

An 3eo3$e *an ge" e%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e !i"hou" an5 se, as o**urs in so%e *$oseo33osi"e8se rienshi3s.

Bu" !ha" i 5ou ha a *hoi*ee3erien*ing 5our 3ar"ner ha'ing seua$ in"er*ourse !i"hso%eone e$se or 1e*o%ing e%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e !i"h so%eone e$se This is !ha" I *a$$"he So3hie?s *hoi*e o "he @ea$ous5 i$e%%as. In "he %o'ieSophie8s 'hoice% "he e%a$e$ea, 3$a5e 15 Mer5$ S"ree3, is or*e "o *hoose !hi*h o her "!o *hi$ren !i$$ 1e /i$$e.6$ear$5, "his i$e%%a is a horror "ha" no 3aren" shou$ e'er a*e. Bu" !hen or*e, So3hieinee %a/es a *hoi*e. This i$e%%a re'ea$e a 3reeren*e "ha" %a5 ne'er ha'e 1eenre'ea$e 15 an5 o"her si"ua"ion.

The @ea$ous5 i$e%%a is in so%e !a5s ana$ogous "o So3hie?s 6hoi*e. A$"hough ha'inga 3ar"ner 1e*o%e seua$$5 or e%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e !i"h so%eone e$se is a %onoga%is"?snigh"%are, %en an !o%en *an e"er%ine !hi*h one !ou$ 1e %ore u3se""ing !henas/e "o i%agine "he i$e%%a. Here is !ha" !e as/e "he 3ar"i*i3an"s in one s"u52P$ease "hin/ o a serious *o%%i""e re$a"ionshi3 "ha" 5ou ha'e ha in "he 3as", "ha" 5ou*urren"$5 ha'e, or "ha" 5ou !ou$ $i/e "o ha'e. I%agine "ha" 5ou is*o'er "ha" "he 3erson!i"h !ho% 5ou?'e 1een serious$5 in'o$'e s"ar"e seeing a or%er $o'er. 0ha" a*"ion!ou$ 1e#ore difficult or 5ou "o forgive9 (a& Your 3ar"ner re/in$es 3assiona"e seua$in"er*ourse !i"h "he or%er $o'er, or (0& Your 3ar"ner re/in$es a ee3 e%o"iona$a""a*h%en" "o "he or%er $o'er. In "his s"u5 o J- %en an !o%en, 9< 3er*en" o "he%en re3or"e "ha" "he5 !ou$ in "he seua$ in'o$'e%en" o "heir 3ar"ner %ore ii*u$"

"o orgi'e, !hereas on$5 ;; 3er*en" o !o%en re3or"e "ha" "he seua$ inie$i"5 !ou$ 1e%ore ii*u$" "o orgi'e.

Ver1a$ re3or"s are reasona1$e sour*es o a"a, 1u" iea$$5, *onir%ing e'ien*e ro% o"her"53es o "es"s is %ore *on'in*ing or e3er"s an none3er"s a$i/e, so !e 1rough" 9 %enan !o%en in"o our 3s5*ho83h5sio$ogi*a$ $a1ora"or5. To e'a$ua"e 3h5sio$ogi*a$ is"ressro% i%agining "he "!o "53es o inie$i"5, "he e3eri%en"ers 3$a*e e$e*"roes on "he*orruga"or %us*$e on "he 1ro! o "he orehea, !hi*h *on"ra*"s !hen 3eo3$e ro!n. 0ea$so a""a*he e$e*"roes on "he irs" an "hir ingers o "he righ" han "o %easuree$e*"roer%a$ res3onse, or s!ea"ing, an on "he "hu%1 "o %easure 3u$se or hear" ra"e.Then 3ar"i*i3an"s !ere as/e "o i%agine ei"her a seua$ inie$i"5 (i%agining 5our 3ar"ner ha'ing se !i"h so%eone e$se . . . ge" "he ee$ings an i%ages *$ear$5 in %in& oran e%o"iona$ inie$i"5 (i%agining 5our 3ar"ner a$$ing in $o'e !i"h so%eone e$se . . . ge""he ee$ings an i%ages *$ear$5 in %in&. Par"i*i3an"s 3resse a 1u""on !hen "he5 ha"he ee$ings an i%ages *$ear$5 in %in, !hi*h a*"i'a"e "he 3h5sio$ogi*a$ re*oringe'i*es or "he ne" se*ons.

The %en 1e*a%e %ore 3h5sio$ogi*a$$5 is"resse 15 "he seua$ inie$i"5. Their hear"ra"es a**e$era"e 15 near$5 i'e 1ea"s 3er %inu"e, !hi*h is rough$5 eui'a$en" "o rin/ing



"hree *u3s o s"rong *oee a" one "i%e. Their s/in *onu*"an*e, a$so an ini*a"ion ois"ress, in*rease !i"h "he "hough" o seua$ inie$i"5, 1u" sho!e a s%a$$er *hangero% 1ase$ine in res3onse "o "he "hough" o e%o"iona$ inie$i"5. An "heir orehea 1ro!%us*$e 1egan "o *on"ra*" a**orion8$i/e in res3onse "o seua$ inie$i"5, ini*a"ing ee3is3$easure, as *o%3are !i"h s%a$$er *on"ra*"ions in res3onse "o e%o"iona$ inie$i"5.

0hen !e o1ser'e "he %en in "his *oni"ion "hrough a one8!a5 %irror, %an5 a33eare$ushe an so o1'ious$5 u3se" "ha" !e har$5 neee "he 3h5sio$ogi*a$ re*oring e'i*es"o o*u%en" i".

0o%en "ene "o sho! "he o33osi"e 3a""ern. The5 ehi1i"e grea"er 3h5sio$ogi*a$ is"ressa" "he "hough" o e%o"iona$ inie$i"5. 0o%en?s ro!ning, or ea%3$e, in*rease near$5"hree "i%es as %u*h in res3onse "o a 3ar"ner?s e%o"iona$ inie$i"5 as *o%3are "o seua$inie$i"5. The *on'ergen*e o 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ an 3h5sio$ogi*a$ rea*"ions o is"resss"rong$5 *onir%s "he 3rei*"e se ieren*e%en an !o%en %a5 1e eua$$5 @ea$ous, 1u" "he e'en"s "ha" "rigger @ea$ous5 ier.

.ival E$*lanations for Se$ Differenes

#o" e'er5 3s5*ho$ogis" agrees !i"h our in"er3re"a"ion. Da'i DeS"eno an Pe"er Sa$o'e5 3ro3ose "ha" %en an !o%en ier in "heir 1e$ies a1ou" seua$ an e%o"iona$in'o$'e%en". 0hen a %an "hin/s "ha" his 3ar"ner is 1e*o%ing seua$$5 in'o$'e !i"h ari'a$, or ea%3$e, he %igh" a$so "hin/ "ha" his 3ar"ner !i$$ 1e ge""ing e%o"iona$$5in'o$'e as !e$$a so8*a$$e ou1$e sho" o inie$i"5. The reason %en ge" %ore u3se"a1ou" seua$ ra"her "han e%o"iona$ inie$i"5, "he5 argue, is no" 1e*ause %en are rea$$5%ore @ea$ous a1ou" seua$ inie$i"5 1u" 1e*ause "he5 1e$ie'e "ha" a seua$ inie$i"5!i$$ resu$" in "he ou1$e sho" o inie$i"5, !hi*h in*$ues e%o"iona$ inie$i"5.

0o%en, "he5 argue, ha'e ieren" 1e$ies, a$"hough DeS"eno an Sa$o'e5 ai$ "o e3$ain!h5. 0o%en 1e$ie'e in a re'erse ou1$e sho", "ha" i "heir 3ar"ner 1e*o%es e%o"iona$$5in'o$'e !i"h a ri'a$, he !i$$ a$so 1e*o%e seua$$5 in'o$'e. I"?s !o%en?s 1e$ies a1ou""his ou1$e sho" o inie$i"5 "ha" u3se"s "he%, DeS"eno an Sa$o'e5 argue, an no" "ha"!o%en rea$$5 are %ore u3se" a1ou" an e%o"iona$ 1e"ra5a$.

Our "heor5 o33oses "he ou1$e8sho" "heor5. i'en "he $arge se ieren*es s"e%%ingro% una%en"a$ ieren*es in re3rou*"i'e 1io$og5, i" !ou$ 1e e"re%e$5 un$i/e$5 orse$e*"ion "o ha'e ai$e "o 3rou*e 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ se ieren*es a1ou" "he "!o or%s oinie$i"5. The har han o a"a usua$$5 se""$es s*ien"ii* isagree%en"s. So %5 resear*h*o$$a1ora"ors an I *onu*"e our s"uies in "hree ieren" *u$"ures "o 3i" "he 3rei*"ions

ro% our e'o$u"ionar5 "heor5 agains" "he 3rei*"ions ro% "he ou1$e8sho" h53o"hesis.One s"u5 in'o$'e +,+ 3ar"i*i3an"s ro% a $i1era$ ar"s *o$$ege in "he sou"heas"ernUni"e S"a"es. 0e as/e "he% "o i%agine "heir 3ar"ner 1e*o%ing in"eres"e in so%eonee$se2 0ha" !ou$ u3se" or is"ress 5ou %ore2 (a&i%agining 5our 3ar"ner or%ing a ee3e%o"iona$ (0ut not sexual & re$a"ionshi3 !i"h "ha" 3erson, or (0& i%agining 5our 3ar"neren@o5ing a seua$ (0ut not e#otional & re$a"ionshi3 !i"h "ha" 3erson



Men an !o%en iere 15 rough$5 -J 3er*en" in "heir res3onses, as 3rei*"e 15 "hee'o$u"ionar5 %oe$. 0o%en *on"inue "o e3ress grea"er u3se" a1ou" a 3ar"ner?se%o"iona$ inie$i"5, e'en i i" i no" in'o$'e se. Men *on"inue "o sho! %ore u3se""han !o%en a1ou" a 3ar"ner?s seua$ inie$i"5, e'en i i" i no" in'o$'e e%o"iona$in'o$'e%en". I "he ou1$e8sho" h53o"hesis !as "he *orre*" e3$ana"ion or "he ini"ia$ se

ieren*es "ha" !e oun, "hen "he se ieren*e shou$ ha'e isa33eare !hen !eiso$a"e "he seua$ an e%o"iona$ *o%3onen"s o inie$i"5. I" i no".

In a se*on s"u5 o -; !o%en an %en, !e use a ieren" s"ra"eg5 or 3i""ing "he*o%3e"ing h53o"heses agains" ea*h o"her. 0e as/e 3ar"i*i3an"s "o i%agine "ha" "heir!ors" nigh"%are ha o**urre, "ha" "heir 3ar"ner ha 1e*o%e 1o"h seua$$5ande%o"iona$$5 in'o$'e !i"h so%eone e$se. 0e "hen as/e "he% "o s"a"ewhich aspect "he5oun %ore u3se""ing.

The resu$"s !ere *on*$usi'e. 0e oun $arge se ieren*es 3re*ise$5 as 3rei*"e 15 oure'o$u"ionar5 "heor52 9- 3er*en" o "he %en, 1u" on$5 +- 3er*en" o "he !o%en, oun "he

seua$ as3e*" o "he inie$i"5 "o 1e %os" u3se""ing in *on"ras", :< 3er*en" o "he !o%en, 1u" on$5 -< 3er*en" o "he %en, oun "he e%o"iona$ as3e*" o "he inie$i"5 "o 1e %os"u3se""ing. #o %a""er ho! "he ues"ions !ere !ore, no %a""er !hi*h %e"ho !e use,!e sa! "he sa%e se ieren*e in e'er5 "es".

Toge"her !i"h Gae 6hoe, a" Seou$ #a"iona$ Uni'ersi"5, an Mari/o an Toshi/auHasega!a, a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o To/5o, !e *onu*"e a ina$ s"u5 on Koreans anGa3anese. 6hoe an "he Hasega!as oun 3re*ise$5 "he sa%e se ieren*es2 !o%enre3or"e %ore is"ress "han %en !hen i%agining "ha" "heir 3ar"ner !as e%o"iona$$5unai"hu$ %en re3or"e %ore is"ress "han !o%en !hen i%agining a 3ar"ner ha'ing se!i"h a ri'a$.

Se'era$ o"her s*ien"is"s ha'e no! *onir%e our resu$"s using so%e!ha" ieren"%e"hos. In a s"u5 o -= %en an !o%en in S!een, Mi*hae$ 0ieer%an an Eri*aKena$$ o Ba$$ S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 3ose "hese i$e%%as2 P$ease rea "he o$$o!ing "!os*enarios an *ir*$e "he one 5ou !ou$ in %os" u3se""ing2 (a& Your 3ar"ner re*en"$5%ae riens !i"h a *o8!or/er o "he o"her gener an has 1een s3ening %ore an %ore"i%e !i"h "ha" 3erson. You are sure "ha" "he "!o o "he% ha'e no" ha seua$ in"er*ourse, 1u" "he5 see% "o $i/e ea*h o"her 'er5 %u*h. The "!o o "he% ha'e %an5 "hings in*o%%on an 5ou sus3e*" "ha" "he5 are a$$ing in $o'e. Or (0& You is*o'er "ha", !hi$e5our 3ar"ner !as a!a5 on 'a*a"ion, 5our 3ar"ner %e" so%eone an ha seua$ in"er*ourseon*e !i"h "ha" 3erson. You are sure "ha" 5our 3ar"ner $o'es 5ou 'er5 %u*h an high$5'a$ues 5our re$a"ionshi3 "oge"her. You a$so rea$ie "ha", e'en "hough 5our 3ar"ner i ha'eseua$ in"er*ourse !hi$e on 'a*a"ion, i" !as a one nigh" s"an? an 5our 3ar"ner !ou$ne'er see "ha" 3erson again.

0ieer%an an Kena$$ oun "ha" a %a@ori"5 o "he S!eish %en (9 3er*en"& oun "heseua$ inie$i"5 o "heir 3ar"ners %ore u3se""ing, !hereas "he %a@ori"5 o "he S!eish!o%en (9- 3er*en"& oun "he e%o"iona$ inie$i"5 o "heir 3ar"ners %ore u3se""ing. The5*on*$ue "ha" *on"rar5 "o "he ou1$e8sho" e3$ana"ion, *hoi*e o s*enario !as unre$a"e



"o a""i"ues regaring !he"her "he o"her gener !as *a3a1$e o sa"is5ing seua$ re$a"ionsou"sie o a $o'e re$a"ionshi3.

These an si%i$ar se ieren*es ha'e no! 1een re3$i*a"e in 6hina, er%an5, "he #e"her$ans, Korea, S!een, an Ga3an. The S!eish an 6hinese inings are

3ar"i*u$ar$5 in"riguing 1e*ause "he5 re3resen" *u$"ures a" o33osi"e ens o "he s3e*"ru% oseua$ $i1era$i"5. S!een "ens "o 1e a seua$$5 o3en *u$"ure, !i"h high ra"es o 3re%ari"a$an e"ra%ari"a$ se. S!ees s"ress eua$i"5 1e"!een "he sees in %os" %a""ers, in*$uingseua$i"5. 6hina, a**oring "o Da'i ear5 o "he Uni'ersi"5 o Missouri86o$u%1ia,s"rong$5 ro!ns on 3re%ari"a$ se an sho!s $o! aair ra"es. The sa%e 1asi* seieren*es e%erge in a$$ "hese i'erse *u$"ures. Men?s @ea$ous5 is %ore sensi"i'e "o *ueso seua$ inie$i"5, an !o%en?s @ea$ous5 is %ore sensi"i'e "o *ues o e%o"iona$inie$i"5. These *ross8*u$"ura$ inings 3ro'ie s"ri/ing su33or" or "he "heor5 "ha" "heseare uni'ersa$ se ieren*es. The ou1$e8sho" "heor5 *anno" e3$ain !h5 "hese seieren*es !ou$ 1e uni'ersa$.

The Mars and +enus of #ealousy E*isodes

These 1asi* se ieren*es a$so e%erge in a*"ua$ re3or"s o @ea$ous e3isoes. 0e as/ese'era$ hunre %en an !o%en "o es*ri1e, in "heir o!n !ors, "he e"ai$s o a s3e*ii*e3isoe !here "he5 e3erien*e @ea$ous5. The o$$o!ing ea%3$e is one !o%an?ses*ri3"ion2

M5 1o5rien *hose "o "a$/ a1ou" a 3ro1$e% !i"h a e%a$e rien o his ins"ea o %e.She ha33ene "o 1e ho%e !hen he *a$$e an I !asn?". His rien oesn?" $i/e %e ana$!a5s "e$$s %5 1o5rien 1a "hings a1ou" %e. 0ha" "riggere %5 @ea$ous5 !as @us" "hea*" "ha" he *hose "o "a$/ "o her ins"ea o %e . . . i" %ae %e so %aC He oesn?" "a$/

a1ou" his ee$ings o"en, so !hen he oes i"?s a rea$$5 s3e*ia$ e3erien*e. I 5e$$e a" hi% 1e*ause he e$" 1e""er a"er "a$/ing "o her, an in?" !an" "o "a$/ %ore a1ou" i", e'en "o%e. I *rie 1e*ause I !as rea$$5 hur".

Ano"her !o%an re3or"e "he o$$o!ing e3isoe "ha" "riggere her @ea$ous52

M5 1o5rien go" a *a$$ ro% a gir$ "ha" use "o $i/e hi% no" "ha" $ong ago an "he5 !ere"a$/ing u3 a 1$as". He !as $aughing an soune rea$$5 in"eres"e in !ha" she !as sa5ingan *ra*/ing @o/es !i"h her . . . e"*. The a*" "ha" !e ha no" ha a *on'ersa"ion $i/e "ha"in a rea$$5 $ong "i%e an !e !ere su33ose "o hang ou" "ha" nigh", an !hi$e he !as on"he 3hone, I @us" sa" "here !ai"ing or hi% . . . I 5e$$e a" hi% !hen he go" o an reuse

"o ha'e se "ha" nigh".

The e%o"iona$ as3e*"s o "he 1e"ra5a$ 3er'ae !o%en?s es*ri3"ions o "he si"ua"ions"ha" "riggere "heir @ea$ous5. 6on"ras" "hese !i"h a %an?s es*ri3"ion o !ha" "riggere his @ea$ous52

I ha a ee$ing "ha" %5 gir$rien !as *hea"ing on %e. 0hen I go" ho%e one e'ening, I*he*/e "he %essages an "here !as so%e gu5 !ho ha *a$$e or her. I $oo/e u3 "he



nu%1er on our *a$$er ID, an *a$$e "he gu5. The gu5 1asi*a$$5 a%i""e "ha" "he5 ha 1een "oge"her, ha'ing se. 0hen %5 gir$rien *a%e ho%e she *onesse. I gri$$e hera1ou" e'er5 e"ai$ o "heir seua$ a*"i'i"5. 0e "rie "o %a/e i" 3as" "his e3$osion, 1u" I*ou$ no" ge" "he i%ages ou" o %5 %in. I /e3" 3i*"uring her na/e unernea"h "his o"hergu5, "r5ing ou" seua$ 3osi"ions !e ha "rie. She s!ore "ha" she $o'e %e an "ha" i"

!ou$ ne'er ha33en again, 1u" i" "ore %e u3 I *ou$n?" ge" "he i%ages ou" o %5 hea.0e s3$i" u3 a e! !ee/s $a"er.

Men?s seua$ @ea$ous5 *an 1e "riggere e'en 1eore a u$$81$o!n re$a"ionshi3 has or%e,as i$$us"ra"e 15 "he o$$o!ing *ase2

I?'e go" a s%ar", *oo$, a""ra*"i'e neigh1or "ha" I?'e 1een a$$ing in $o'e !i"h. I ha 1eena*"i'e$5 3ursuing her or !ee/s, he$3e se" her u3 in her a3ar"%en", sho!e her "he "o!n,an ha un !i"h her. Then %5 %a$e roo%%a"e an I ha a 1ig 3ar"5. He is hanso%e, I*an a%i", an he ene u3 hoo/ing u3 !i"h ha'ing se !i"h "he !o%an I ha 1eena$$ing in $o'e !i"h. Then, $as" nigh", !hi$e I !as a" !or/, %5 roo%ie an %5 a""ra*"i'e

neigh1or *oo/e inner, ran/ a $i""$e, s%o/e a $i""$e 3o", an !oun u3 ha'ing seagainC The shi""5 3ar" !as "ha" I !as !ire on *aeine an "r5ing "o a$$ as$ee3, an I*ou$ hear "he% /issing in his roo% 1e*ause "he oor !as o3en. I ha a*"i'e$5 3ursue"his gir$ or !ee/s, an %5 roo%%a"e s3ens one u*/ing nigh" !i"h her, an 1ang. I go"resse an $e", 1e*ause !hen I ge" @ea$ous I ge" rea$$5 ho" an $us"ere an nauseous. I!a$/e "he s"ree"s or hours a$one, *ursing "he !a5 "his *oo/ie ha *ru%1$e.

0o%en a$so re3or" "ha" "he seua$ as3e*"s o "heir in'o$'e%en" !i"h o"her %en 3ro'o/e"heir *urren" 3ar"ner?s @ea$ous5 %ore "han an5"hing e$se. Here is !ha" one !o%anre3or"e2

M5 1o5rien an I 1ro/e u3, 1u" "hen !e e*ie "o re/in$e "he re$a"ionshi3. Heinsis"e on /no!ing !ha" I? 1een oing sin*e our irs" 1rea/8u3, an I "o$ hi% ho!%an5 3eo3$e I? s$e3" !i"h. He !asvery% very% very u3se". He ha *o%e "o 'isi" or "heour"h o Gu$5, an I "hough" !e !ou$ re/in$e !ha" !e ha. Bo5 i I e'er 1$o! "hes3ar/ ou" o "ha" oneC 0hen I "o$ hi% "he nu%1er o 3eo3$e I? s$e3" !i"h he near$5 @u%3e "hrough his s/in.

Bear in %in "ha" seua$ an e%o"iona$ inie$i"5 u3se" 1o"h %en an !o%en. Men areno" inieren" "o "heir 3ar"ners ge""ing e%o"iona$$5 in"i%a"e !i"h o"her %en, nor are!o%en inieren" "o "heir 3ar"ners ha'ing seua$ in"er*ourse !i"h o"her !o%en. 0henas/e "o es*ri1e a s3e*ii* e3isoe o @ea$ous5, ho!e'er, %en %ore o"en re*i"e seua$as3e*"s o inie$i"5, o"en !i"h 'i'i es*ri3"ions o "heir 3ar"ners in seua$ 3osi"ions!i"h o"her %en. Men ha'e "rou1$e eor*ising "hese i%ages ro% "heir %ins. 0o%en%ore o"en es*ri1e e%o"iona$ as3e*"s o inie$i"5, in*$uing a 3ar"ner s3ening "i%e,gi'ing a""en"ion, sharing *onien*es, @o/ing, an $aughing !i"h a ri'a$.

The se ieren*es in e'en"s "ha" a*"i'a"e @ea$ous5 are so s"rong "ha" "he5 i$"er o!n "o"he 'er5 eini"ion o inie$i"5. 0hen as/e "o eine inie$i"5, %en "en "o o*usnarro!$5 on a 3ar"ner !ho has ha se !i"h so%eone e$se. 0o%en ha'e a 1roaer



eini"ion an in*$ue a 3ar"ner s3ening "i%e !i"h so%eone e$se or gi'ing a $o" oa""en"ion "o so%eone e$se. As @ourna$is" Gui"h Viors" no"e, s3ea/ing on 1eha$ o!o%en, I "hin/ "he e'er5a5 /in o @ea$ous5 has $ess "o o !i"h a ear o o'er" seua$ 1e"ra5a$ "han i" oes !i"h a ear o in"i%a*5 "ha" e*$ues us. In "hese res3e*"s, %en an!o%en ier in "heir 3s5*ho$og5 o @ea$ous5 as %u*h as "he5 ier in "he sie an

sha3es o "heir 1oies.

#ealousy in Homose$ual .elationshi*s

For *o%%i""e ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s, 3re""5 %u*h e'er5one, no %a""er !ha" "heir seua$orien"a"ion, !an"s hones"5, /inness, s"a1i$i"5, $o! $e'e$s o *on$i*", seua$ sa"isa*"ion,ae*"ion, an eua$i"5. a5 %en a$so share !i"h "heir he"eroseua$ *oun"er3ar"s a s"rongesire or 5ou"h an 3h5si*a$ a""ra*"i'eness in 3o"en"ia$ 3ar"ners. The e'o$u"ionar5an"hro3o$ogis" 0i$$ia% Gan/o!ia/ an his *o$$eagues as/e ga5 %en an $es1ians "o ran/se"s o 3ho"ogra3hs o %en an !o%en !ho iere in age an 3h5si*a$ a""ra*"i'eness.a5 an s"raigh" %en a$i/e ran/ "he 5ounger 3ar"ners as %ore a""ra*"i'e. #ei"her $es1ian

nor s"raigh" !o%en, in *on"ras", 3$a*e %u*h i%3or"an*e on 5ou"h in "heir ran/ings oa""ra*"i'eness. In "hese res3e*"s, ga5 an he"eroseua$ %en are a$i/e an $es1ian anhe"eroseua$ !o%en are a$i/e.

a5 %en ier ro% he"eroseua$ %en, ho!e'er, in "he reuen*5 o seua$ en*oun"ersou"sie o "heir 3ri%ar5 re$a"ionshi3. One s"u5 oun "ha" ga5 %en !ere se'en "i%es as$i/e$5 "o ha'e ou"sie en*oun"ers, an o"her s"uies *onir% "his genera$ ining. I ga5%en are %ore seua$$5 3er%issi'e, i" raises an in"eres"ing ues"ion a1ou" "he ro$e o @ea$ous5 in ga5 re$a"ionshi3s. In 3rin*i3$e, i" *ou$ go ei"her !a5. One 3ossi1i$i"5 is "ha" 1e*ause ga5 %en "en "o ha'e %ore ou"sie in'o$'e%en"s, "heir @ea$ous5 %igh" 1e*o%eh53era*"i'a"e sin*e "he5 are *onron"e !i"h ri'a$s an "hrea"s o ee*"ion %ore o"en.

On "he o"her han, 3erha3s ga5 *ou3$es ue$$ "heir @ea$ous5 1e*ause o %u"ua$agree%en"s "o 3er%i" ou"sie seua$ en*oun"ers.

Da"a on "his ues"ion are s3arse, 1u" resear*h is s"ar"ing "o re'ea$ "he ou"$ines oho%oseua$ @ea$ous5. One s"u5 *o%3are ++- ho%oseua$ %en !i"h :+ he"eroseua$%en on a %easure o seua$ @ea$ous5. Sa%3$e i"e%s ro% "his %easure are2 I ro%an"i* 3ar"ner !ere "o a%ire so%eone o "he sa%e se o33osi"e se, I !ou$ ee$irri"a"e. The "hough" o /issing so%eone e$se ri'es %e u3 "he !a$$. S*oresor "his seua$ @ea$ous5 s*a$e range ro% : "o J. He"eroseua$ %en s*ore +-+ ona'erage, !hereas ho%oseua$ %en s*ore on$5 +9, !hi*h !as signii*an"$5 $o!er.

Ro1er" Bring$e o Purue Uni'ersi"5 in Iniana3o$is *onu*"e a $arger s"u5 o @ea$ous5a%ong ga5 %en "o see !he"her ga5 %en rea$$5 are $ess seua$$5 @ea$ous. He "oo oun"ha" ga5 %en re3or"e $ess @ea$ous5 "han i he"eroseua$ %en in res3onse "o e'en"s su*has !i"nessing a 3ar"ner /issing so%eone e$se a" a 3ar"5 or is*o'ering "ha" a 3ar"ner isha'ing an aair. a5 %en, ho!e'er, !ere a$so $ess $i/e$5 "o is*$ose @ea$ous ee$ings "o"heir 3ar"ner !hen "he5 ha "he%, es3i"e "he "enen*5 o ga5 %en "o 1e %oree%o"iona$$5 e3ressi'e in genera$. This resu$" raises "he 3ossi1i$i"5 "ha" ga5 %en a*"ua$$5e3erien*e si%i$ar $e'e$s o @ea$ous5 as he"eroseua$ %en 1u" are si%3$5 %ore re$u*"an"



"o re3or" i". a5 %en in *o%%i""e re$a"ionshi3s %a5 a*e "he sa%e 3ro1$e% ashe"eroseua$s in o3en %arriagesho! "o gra33$e !i"h "he *on$i*" 1e"!een a esire or a%ore seua$$5 $i1era$ $ies"5$e an "he @ea$ous5 "ha" o$$o!s !hen a 3ar"ner a$so "ries "ou$i$$ "ha" esire. 0he"her ga5 %en are "ru$5 $ess @ea$ous "han he"eroseua$ %en, or are%ere$5 %ore re$u*"an" "o e3ress i", re%ains "o 1e is*o'ere.

0ha" a1ou" se ieren*es a%ong ho%oseua$s in rea*"ions "o "he So3hie?s 6hoi*e o"he @ea$ous5 i$e%%a A "ea% o Du"*h 3s5*ho$ogis"s $e 15 Pie"erne$ Di@/s"ra o "heUni'ersi"5 o roningen se*ure "he *oo3era"ion o == $es1ians an +-: ga5 %en 15re*rui"ing "he% in ga5 1ars in se'era$ Du"*h "o!ns. The i$e%%as *onsis"e o "!oinie$i"5 s*enarios, an "he 3ar"i*i3an"s !ere as/e !hi*h !ou$ u3se" "he% %ore. Forea%3$e2 (a& i%agining 5our 3ar"ner en@o5ing 3assiona"e seua$ in"er*ourse !i"h "ha"o"her %an4!o%an, or (0& i%agining 5our 3ar"ner or%ing a ee3 e%o"iona$ a""a*h%en" "o"ha" o"her %an4!o%an.

Ano"her s*enario as/e 3ar"i*i3an"s "o i%agine "ha" 1o"h or%s o inie$i"5 ha o**urre2

I%agine "ha" 5our 3ar"ner or%e an e%o"iona$ a""a*h%en" "o ano"her %an4!o%an anha seua$ in"er*ourse !i"h "ha" o"her 3erson. 0hi*h as3e*" o 5our 3ar"ner?sin'o$'e%en" !ou$ u3se" 5ou %ore2 (a& "he seua$ in"er*ourse !i"h "ha" o"her 3erson, or(0& "he e%o"iona$ a""a*h%en" "o "ha" o"her 3erson

The resu$"s !ere ieren" ro% "he resu$"s o "he 3ara$$e$ s"uies using he"eroseua$s. Inres3onse "o "he irs" i$e%%a, J+ 3er*en" o "he $es1ians oun "he seua$ inie$i"5 %oreis"ressing, 1u" on$5 - 3er*en" o "he ga5 %en oun "he seua$ inie$i"5 %oreis"ressinga re'ersa$ o "he usua$ se ieren*e. The in'es"iga"ors oun si%i$ar resu$"sor "he se*on i$e%%a, !hi*h as/e !hi*h as3e*" !ou$ 1e %os" u3se""ing. >es1ians,in shor", see% %ore is"resse "han he"eroseua$ !o%en a1ou" "he seua$ inie$i"5 o a

3ar"ner, !hereas ga5 %en sho! %ore is"ress "han he"eroseua$ %en a1ou" e%o"iona$ 1e"ra5a$.

Mi*hae$ Bai$e5 o #or"h!es"ern Uni'ersi"5 oun si%i$ar resu$"s in A%eri*an sa%3$es.0hen or*e "o *hoose !hi*h or% o inie$i"5 !as %ore is"ressing, ga5 %en in hissa%3$e !ere %ore $i/e$5 "han he"eroseua$ %en "o 1e*o%e u3se" a" a 3ar"ner?s e%o"iona$ 1e"ra5a$ $es1ians !ere s$igh"$5 %ore $i/e$5 "han he"eroseua$ !o%en "o 1e is"resse 15a 3ar"ner?s seua$ unai"hu$ness.

Base on "hese s"uies, !e *an oer "en"a"i'e *on*$usions a1ou" @ea$ous5 in ho%oseua$s.Firs", ho%oseua$ %en a33ear "o e3ress $ess seua$ @ea$ous5 "han he"eroseua$ %en. This%a5 re$e*" "he a*" "ha", in %an5 ho%oseua$ re$a"ionshi3s, i" is uners"oo "ha" "he 3ar"ners !i$$ ha'e *asua$ seua$ en*oun"ers !i"h o"hers, as $ong as "he5 o no" ae*" "he 3ri%ar5 re$a"ionshi3. Or, i"?s en"ire$5 3ossi1$e "ha" ga5 %en e3erien*e "he sa%e $e'e$s o @ea$ous5, 1u" /ee3 i" uner !ra3s. >es1ians a33ear "o 1e %ore seua$$5 @ea$ous "han "heirhe"eroseua$ *oun"er3ar"s, !ho o'er!he$%ing$5 e3ress %ore is"ress a" e%o"iona$inie$i"5. The o"en8re3$i*a"e se ieren*es in @ea$ous5 oun a%ong he"eroseua$s !i"h %en %ore u3se" 15 a 3ar"ner?s seua$ inie$i"5 an !o%en %ore u3se" 15 a 3ar"ner?s e%o"iona$ inie$i"5a33ear "o 1e re'erse a%ong ho%oseua$s. a5 %en



a33ear "o 1e %ore $i/e he"eroseua$ !o%en "han he"eroseua$ %en in "heir rea*"ions "o"he @ea$ous5 i$e%%as. 6$ear$5, !e nee ai"iona$ resear*h on "his "o3i* 1eore rea*hingan5 ir% *on*$usions.

The Eternal Triangle

On Gu$5 -, +<<+, a %an na%e 0er"her !ro"e a $e""er o is"ress "o his 1ro"her 0i$he$%.0er"her ha 1een *augh" 15 "he $o'e or a 5oung !o%an na%e 6har$o""e. He ha*onesse "o 6har$o""e his ee3 $o'e, "e$$ing her "ha" she !as sa*re "o hi% an "ha" he!orshi33e "he groun she !a$/e on. In his $e""er "o his 1ro"her, he sai "ha" he a$%os"ain"e in her 3resen*e, so grea" !as his $o'e or her. The $e""er, ho!e'er, 1e"ra5e "heee3 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ agon5 !hen he *o%3are hi%se$ "o his ri'a$, A$1er", !ho !asengage "o 6har$o""e2

A$1er" has arri'e, an I sha$$ go. E'en i he !ere "he 1es", "he no1$es" %an, !ho% I*ou$ res3e*" as %5 su3erior in e'er5 res3e*", i" !ou$ 1e in"o$era1$e "o see hi% 1eore%e in 3ossession o so %an5 3ere*"ions. PossessionC Enough, 0i$he$%, "he ian* ishere. A ni*e, ear %an, !ho% one *anno" he$3 $i/ing . . . His *a$% e"erior *on"ras"sshar3$5 !i"h "he res"$essness o %5 *hara*"er, !hi*h I *anno" *on*ea$. He is a %an oee3 ee$ing an /no!s !ha" a "reasure he has in >o""e. He see%s "o ha'e $i""$e i$$8hu%or,an 5ou /no! "ha" is "he sin I ha"e in 3eo3$e %ore "han an5 o"her.

Des3i"e his a%ira"ion or his ri'a$, !ho% he es*ri1es as "he 1es" 3erson in "he !or$,

he e$i1era"es on !he"her he shou$ /i$$ hi%, no" 1e*ause A$1er" eser'e "o ie, 1u"si%3$5 1e*ause his *o%3ara"i'e su3eriori"5 !as in"o$era1$e "o 0er"her. E'en"ua$$5,0er"her e*ies "o /i$$ hi%se$ ins"ea in orer "o en his 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ 3ain.

The 3resen*e o ri'a$s !ho %a5 a""e%3" "o $ure a %a"e a!a5 ro% an eis"ing $ong8"er%%a"eshi3, 15 i"se$, %a5 no" *ons"i"u"e an aa3"i'e "hrea". A s"ree" 1u% or a 1ag $a5$eering a" 5our 3ar"ner, or ea%3$e, %a5 no" "e%3" 5our 3ar"ner in "he s$igh"es", an so 3oses no "hrea". Ri'a$s 1e*o%e re$e'an" on$5 !hen "he5 is3$a5 an eui'a$en" or higher$e'e$ o esira1i$i"5.

Men?s 'a$ue as a %a"e, %ore "han !o%en?s, is *$ose$5 $in/e !i"h "he a1i$i"5 "o se*ure

resour*es as !e$$ as "he ua$i"ies "ha" "en "o $ea "o resour*es su*h as s"a"us, a%1i"ion,inus"riousness, an %a"uri"5. 0o%en uni'ersa$$5 esire %en !i"h goo inan*ia$ 3ros3e*"s. This 3reeren*e oes no" i%inish !hen !o%en gain 3ersona$ a**ess "oinan*ia$ resour*es, nor !hen !o%en a*hie'e high so*ioe*ono%i* s"a"us, nor e'en !hen!o%en resie in *u$"ures o re$a"i'e$5 high e*ono%i* eua$i"5 1e"!een "he sees.Fur"her%ore, sin*e 'io$en*e has 1een a re*urren" 3ro1$e% !o%en a*e a" "he hans o%en, !o%en 3$a*e a grea"er 3re%iu% on ua$i"ies "ha" signa$ a %an?s a1i$i"5 "o 3ro"e*"her, su*h as 3h5si*a$ s"reng"h an a"h$e"i* 3ro!ess. The a1i$i"5 "o se*ure e*ono%i*



resour*es an 3ossess a"h$e"i* 3ro!ess, in shor", are %ore *en"ra$ "o %en?s "han "o!o%en?s o'era$$ 'a$ue on "he %a"ing %ar/e". Ph5si*a$ a""ra*"i'eness in *on"ras" is %ore*en"ra$ "o !o%en?s o'era$$ esira1i$i"5 on "he %a"ing %ar/e".

These una%en"a$ se8$in/e esires ha'e enor%ous *onseuen*es or "he "riggers o

@ea$ous5 in %en an !o%en, o$$o!ing "he 3rin*i3$e o *o8e'o$u"ion. Gea$ous5 in ea*h sehas e'o$'e "o %irror "he %a"e 3reeren*es o "he o"her se. Sin*e !o%en esire 3roessiona$$5 su**essu$ %en, or ea%3$e, %en?s @ea$ous5 shou$ ha'e e'o$'e in"ane% "o 1e a*"i'a"e 15 a ri'a$ !ho e*e$s 3roessiona$$5. An sin*e %en 3$a*e a 3re%iu% on 5ou"h an 3h5si*a$ a33earan*e, !o%en?s @ea$ous5 shou$ ha'e e'o$'e "o 1ees3e*ia$$5 sensi"i'e "o ri'a$s !ho are 5ounger or %ore 3h5si*a$$5 a$$uring. The esign o"he @ea$ous5 eense, in shor", shou$ ha'e 1een s*u$3"e 15 genera"ions o %a"e 3reeren*es i%3ose 15 "he o33osi"e se.

#ealousy A"out .ivals in the /etherlands

The *o8e'o$u"ionar5 "heor5 o @ea$ous5 3ro'ies so%e 3o!eru$ insigh"s in"o "he 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ esign o @ea$ous5, 1u" are "hese insigh"s 1orne ou" 15 "he e%3iri*a$s"uies Pie"erne$ Di@/s"ra an Bra% Buun/ *onu*"e a s"u5 in "he #e"her$ans "o inou". The5 3resen"e %en an !o%en !i"h s*enarios o ri'a$s $ir"ing !i"h "heir 3ar"ners.The o$$o!ing is an ea%3$e o a s*enario 3resen"e "o "he %en in "he s"u52

You are a" a 3ar"5 !i"h 5our gir$rien an 5ou are "a$/ing !i"h so%e o 5our riens.You no"i*e 5our gir$rien a*ross "he roo% "a$/ing "o a %an 5ou o no" /no!. You *an seero% his a*e "ha" he is 'er5 in"eres"e in 5our gir$rien. He is $is"ening *$ose$5 "o !ha"she is sa5ing an 5ou no"i*e "ha" he *asua$$5 "ou*hes her han. You no"i*e "ha" he is$ir"ing !i"h her. A"er a %inu"e, 5our gir$rien a$so 1egins "o a*" $ir"a"ious$5. You *an

"e$$ ro% "he !a5 she is $oo/ing a" hi% "ha" she $i/es hi% a grea" ea$. The5 see%*o%3$e"e$5 a1sor1e in ea*h o"her.

A"er reaing "his s*enario, 3ar"i*i3an"s "urne "he 3age an sa! a 3ho"ogra3h o "he ri'a$a$ong !i"h a 3ersona$i"5 es*ri3"ion. In one 'ersion, "he ri'a$ !as e*e3"iona$$5 goo$oo/ing, !hereas in "he o"her he !as una""ra*"i'e. Then "he ri'a$ !as es*ri1e as ei"her ao%inan" $eaer or a %ore 3assi'e o$$o!er. Here?s ho! "he o%inan" ri'a$ !ases*ri1e2 You in ou" "ha" 5our gir$rien is $ir"ing !i"h Hans, "he %an in "he 3ho"o.Hans is a s"uen" in roningen a *i"5 in "he #e"her$ans in !hi*h "he s"u5 "oo/ 3$a*ean is a1ou" "he sa%e age as 5ou. Hans is a "ea*hing assis"an" an "ea*hes *ourses "ounergraua"es. He is a$so 3resien" o D>P, an a*"i'i"ies *$u1 "ha" nu%1ers a1ou" 9

%e%1ers. Hans /no!s !ha" he !an"s an is a goo @uge o *hara*"er. Hans a$so o"en"a/es "he ini"ia"i'e "o o so%e"hing ne! an he has a $o" o in$uen*e on o"her 3eo3$e. A" 3ar"ies he a$!a5s $i'ens "hings u3.

The nono%inan" o$$o!er !as es*ri1e "his !a52 You in ou" "ha" 5our gir$rien is$ir"ing !i"h Hans, "he %an in "he 3ho"o. Hans is a s"uen" in roningen an is a1ou" "hesa%e age as 5ou. Hans a""ens *$asses regu$ar$5 an is one o "he 9 %e%1ers oa*"i'i"ies *$u1 D>P. Hans oes no" a$!a5s /no! !ha" he !an"s an he o"en ai$s "o



uners"an !ha" is going on in o"her 3eo3$e?s %ins. Hans o"en !ai"s or o"hers "o "a/e"he ini"ia"i'e an is ra"her *o%3$ian". A" 3ar"ies he usua$$5 s"a5s in "he 1a*/groun.

A"er 'ie!ing "he 3ho"os an reaing "he 3ersona$i"5 es*ri3"ions, 3ar"i*i3an"s ra"e ho! @ea$ous "he5 e$" on a J83oin" s*a$e ranging ro% + (not at all 5ealous& "o J (very 5ealous&.

The5 a$so ra"e ho! sus3i*ious, 1e"ra5e, !orrie, is"rus"u$, re@e*"e, hur", anious,angr5, "hrea"ene, sa, an u3se" "he5 e$" a"er "he5 ha 3eruse "he s*enario an 3ho"ogra3h o "he ri'a$.

The 3h5si*a$ a""ra*"i'eness o "he ri'a$ i no" ae*" %en?s ee$ings o @ea$ous5. Theo%inan*e o "he ri'a$, ho!e'er, ha a s"rong i%3a*". Do%inan" ri'a$s e'o/e %ore @ea$ous5 a%ong %en "han nono%inan" ri'a$s. This ee*" 3ro'e es3e*ia$$5 s"rong in "he$o! a""ra*"i'eness 'ersion, !here "he o%inan" ri'a$ e'o/e @ea$ous5 s*ores a'eraging-.J, !hereas "he nono%inan" ri'a$ e'o/e @ea$ous5 s*ores o on$5 .-.

For !o%en, "he resu$"s !ere re'erse. The o%inan*e o "he ri'a$ ha a1so$u"e$5 no

ee*" on !o%en?s @ea$ous5, 1u" "he 3h5si*a$ a""ra*"i'eness o "he ri'a$ ha a huge i%3a*".The a""ra*"i'e e%a$e ri'a$ e'o/e @ea$ous5 ra"ings o -.J, regar$ess o "he ri'a$?so%inan*e. In *on"ras", "he una""ra*"i'e e%a$e ri'a$ e'o/e @ea$ous5 ra"ings o on$5 .9,again regar$ess o "he ri'a$?s o%inan*e.

This s"u5 3ro'ie e'ien*e "ha" @ea$ous5 is es3e*ia$$5 /e5e "o "he esires o "heo33osi"e se. 0o%en are 3ri%ari$5 "hrea"ene 15 ri'a$s !ho e%1o5 !ha" %en !an".Men are 3ri%ari$5 "hrea"ene 15 ri'a$s !ho ha'e !ha" !o%en !an".

.ival #ealousy in 0orea the /etherlands and Ameria

The Du"*h s"u5 re3resen"s "he irs" "o o*u%en" "ha" "he 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ esign o @ea$ous5 a1ou" ri'a$s e3ens on s3e*ii* *hara*"eris"i*s. Ho! genera$ are "hese resu$"sa*ross *u$"ures To ans!er "his ues"ion, %5 *o$$eagues Gae 6hoe, Pie"erne$ Di@/s"ra,Bra% Buun/, an To Sha*/e$or e3$ore @ea$ous5 !i"hin "he *on"e" o a $arger se"o ri'a$ *hara*"eris"i*s. The A%eri*an 3ar"i*i3an"s !ere : ini'iua$s, +9 !o%en an+ %en, ra!n ro% a $arge %i!es"ern uni'ersi"5. The Korean 3ar"i*i3an"s !ere +<;ini'iua$s, :- !o%en an =+ %en, ra!n ro% a $arge uni'ersi"5 $o*a"e in Seou$. TheDu"*h 3ar"i*i3an"s !ere +: !o%en an +9 %en ro% roningen.

Ea*h 3erson *o%3$e"e a ues"ionnaire *on"aining 1a*/groun inor%a"ion. Then "he5!ere ins"ru*"e2 P$ease "hin/ o a serious or *o%%i""e ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3 "ha" 5ou

ha'e ha in "he 3as", "ha" 5ou *urren"$5 ha'e, or "ha" 5ou !ou$ $i/e "o ha'e. I%agine "ha"5ou is*o'er "ha" "he 3erson !i"h !ho% 5ou?'e 1een serious$5 in'o$'e 1e*a%e serious$5in"eres"e in a $ong8"er% re$a"ionshi3 !i"h so%eone e$se. 0ha" !ou$ u3se" or is"ress5ou %ore P$ease ran/ orer "he o$$o!ing i"e%s on "he egree "o !hi*h "he5 !ou$ u3se"5ou. i'e a + "othe #ost upsetting% a "o "he second #ost upsetting% a - "othe third #ostupsetting . . . a$$ "he !a5 o!n "o ++ or the least upsetting .

You oun ou" "ha" "he 3erson "ha" 5our 3ar"ner 1e*a%e in"eres"e in2



+. !as %ore /in an uners"aning "han 5ou

. ha a %ore a""ra*"i'e a*e "han 5ou

-. !as a %ore s/i$$e seua$ 3ar"ner "han 5ou

;. !as higher in s"a"us an 3res"ige "han 5ou J. !as %ore !i$$ing "o *o%%i" "o a $ong8"er% re$a"ionshi3 "han 5ou

9. ha 1e""er inan*ia$ 3ros3e*"s "han 5ou

<. ha a %ore a""ra*"i'e 1o5 "han 5ou

:. !as a 'irgin (ha no 3re'ious seua$ e3erien*e&

=. !as 3h5si*a$$5 s"ronger "han 5ou

+. ha 1e""er u"ure @o1 3ros3e*"s "han 5ou

++. ha a 1e""er sense o hu%or "han 5ou

The Korean, A%eri*an, an Du"*h s"uies su33or"e our "heor5 o @ea$ous5 a1ou" ri'a$s.Men in a$$ "hree *u$"ures sho!e grea"er is"ress "han !o%en o'er ri'a$s !ho ha 1e""erinan*ia$ 3ros3e*"s, 1e""er u"ure @o1 3ros3e*"s, an grea"er 3h5si*a$ s"reng"h.

I !i"nesse "his ining irs"han !hen I in"er'ie!e a %arrie *ou3$e on *a%era or aTV o*u%en"ar5 1ase on %5 resear*h on @ea$ous5. The5 ha no 3re'ious /no!$egea1ou" %5 resear*h, 1u" i$$us"ra"e "he "heor5 1eau"iu$$5. The *ou3$e, in "heir $a"e s,es*ri1e "heir %arriage as so$i an ha335. The5 ha @us" ha "heir irs" *hi$. Their*o$$eagues an riens a$i/e es*ri1e "he% as e*e3"iona$$5 ni*e 3eo3$e. The5 !ere as!e$$ %a"*he on 3ersona$i"5, "e%3era%en", an $oo/s as an5 *ou3$e I? e'er in"er'ie!e.

0hen I as/e "he hus1an !he"her he e'er e$" "ha" his !ie %igh" 1e $ure a!a5 15 o"her%an, he re3$ie2 0e$$, !e ha'e a grea" re$a"ionshi3, an I ee$ $i/e I *an gi'e her near$5e'er5"hing she nees an !an"s. I %a/e her $augh, I?% s!ee" "o her, an I *arr5 a" $eas"ha$ o "he *hi$8*are u"ies. There is on$5 one "hing "ha" I ee$ "hrea"ene 15ano"her%an !ho *an 3ro'ie or her 1e""er "han I *an. I on?" ha'e a high sa$ar5. I *an gi'e here'er5"hing e$se she nees e*e3" "ha". I on?" "hin/ i" !i$$ e'er ha33en, 1u" i"?s "he onearea !here I ee$ 'u$nera1$e.

0o%en in a$$ "hree *u$"ures sho!e grea"er is"ress "han i %en o'er ri'a$s !ho ha%ore a""ra*"i'e a*es an %ore a""ra*"i'e 1oies. One A%eri*an !o%an, age ;,es*ri1e her e3erien*e !i"h @ea$ous52 I?'e 1een !i"h %5 1o5rien or our 5ears, 1u"

!hen !e ha 1een seeing ea*h o"her or on$5 si %on"hs, so%e gir$ *a%e on"o hi% a" a 3ar"5, an she !asvery pretty . The5 1e*a%e riens. I 1e*a%e @ea$ous o "heir rienshi3, 1u" on$5 a"er he sai "ha" he oun her 'er5 3h5si*a$$5 a""ra*"i'e, an he "o$ %e "ha" she!as 'er5 in"eres"e in hi% as !e$$she !an"e hi% or herse$.

Ano"her A%eri*an !o%an, age -, es*ri1e her ee$ings o @ea$ous52 M5 1o5rien ha 1een unai"hu$ in "he 3as" an I rea$$5 e$" as i he *ou$n?" 1e "rus"e aroun an5one o"he o33osi"e se. I 1e*a%e e"re%e$5 @ea$ous !hen %5 1o5rien !as "a$/ing "o ano"her



!o%an. She !as 3re""5, an she %ae %e ee$ $i/e I !as "he ug$ies" gir$ in "he !or$C I!en" u3 "o "he% an s"oo righ" 1e"!een "he% an as/e !ho is "his? an he 3o$i"e$5in"rou*e us. I !as so rue "o her "ha" she $e".

The ri'a$?s seiness a$so 3ro'o/es a !o%an?s @ea$ous5. A !o%an in her %i8-s

es*ri1e "his e3isoe2 Se'era$ 5ears ago, %5 1es" rien, !ho is 'er5 se5, sa" on %5hus1an?s $a3 @us" or un, an I e$" @ea$ous an "hrea"ene or "he irs" "i%e in ourre$a"ionshi3. I" !as her 3$a5u$ a""i"ue, $augh"er, an her inna"e se a33ea$ "ha" se" %e o "he a*" "ha" she !agg$e her ann5 in his a*e. M5 hus1an an I ha a huge igh" $a"er"ha" nigh".

#ealousy A"out .ivals in 0ingston #amaia

One o "he %os" 'i'i e%ons"ra"ions o "he es"ru*"ion *ause 15 @ea$ous ri'a$s *o%esno" ro% a or%a$ s*ien"ii* s"u5, 1u" ra"her ro% a @ourna$is"?s sho*/ing e3os o @ea$ous5 in Ga%ai*a. In "he *i"5 o Kings"on, "he nigh"$ie s!ir$s an DGs 1oo% ou" songs

a1ou" hear"8!ren*hing suering in "riangu$ar re$a"ionshi3s. The "riang$es "53i*a$$5 *en"eron a %an, his gir$rien (%a"e5& an "he !o%an !ho?s "he %o"her o his *hi$ren(1a15%o"her&. The songs 3u$se an grin, "he "orri 1ea" $igh"ene 15 3$a5u$ $5ri*s "ha"*on'e5 s"ories o ri'a$r5 an 1e"ra5a$.

Mone5 is s*ar*e, 1u" !ha" %one5 is a'ai$a1$e o"en ge"s unne$e in"o shar3 *$o"hes in a 3$u%age8$i/e *o%3e"i"ion or esira1$e %a"es. The su**essu$$5 3ar"nere *anno" res"eas5. Bo"h sees ear 1eing usur3e 15 ri'a$s. The ua$i"ies o angerous ri'a$s are 3rei*"a1$5 ieren" or %en an !o%en2 "he %en ear 1eing $e" or a 1e""er e*ono%i* 3ros3e*" an "he !o%en e3e*" "o 1e usur3e 15 "he 5oung, u38an8*o%ing %a"e5s. The!o%en $oo/ or %en o %eans, a %an !i"h s!ee"s, "o es*a3e "he s"rugg$e or sur'i'a$

an "o se*ure a s"ea5 s"rea% o in*o%e or "heir *hi$ren. Men use "heir resour*es "o $ure5oung !o%en. 6ars an *e$$u$ar 3hones signa$ s"a"us, so a %an %igh" sa5, 6o%e 1a15$o'e. You !an" "o *o%e in %5 *ar You !an" "o "a$/ on %5 *e$$u$ar 3hone

Sin*e %os" %en $a*/ resour*es, !o%en *o%3e"e ier*e$5 or "hose !ho ha'e "he%.San5, age +=, !as a%ong "he %os" su**essu$ *o%3e"i"ors !hen she en"ere "he nigh"$ies*ene. She use "o 1e a ho" gir$. She resse in "he %os" ashiona1$e s"5$e, na%e81ran*$o"hes %ai$e "o her ro% sis"ers in #e! Yor/. An she ha her o!n %one5. The %os"!ea$"h5 on o "he area, a $ash5 resser na%e >u*/5, no"i*e her. He a$rea5 ha i'e 1a15%o"hers, 1u" San5 !as so 5oung an ho" "ha" >u*/5 *ou$ no" resis". He 1ough"San5 ine gi"s an he s!e3" her a!a5. She e$$ in $o'e an 1e*a%e 3regnan". Bu" "he

re$a"ionshi3 *arrie a anger San5 i no" an"i*i3a"e.

0hi$e sho33ing on a 1us5 s"ree" one a"ernoon, so%eone "a33e San5 on "he shou$er.0hen she "urne, she !as *onron"e !i"h one o >u*/5?s 1a15%o"hers, ho$ing in herhan a 1u*/e" o $iui. 0i"hin se*ons, San5?s a*e an 1o5 !ere s3$ashe !i"h a'o$a"i$e %i"ure o a*i an gun3o!er. San5 s*rea%e. The $esh on her a*e %e$"e 1enea"h "he 1urning a*i, her a*e 3er%anen"$5 isigure 15 her @ea$ous ri'a$.



San5 s3en" a 5ear in "he hos3i"a$ ge""ing s/in gra"s, an "he ne" "!o 5ears re*o'ering.Toa5 she?s s"oi* a1ou" "he e'en"s2 >u*/5?s 1a158%o"her ha a gruge ee$ing. I !as "heho""es" gir$ aroun here. I ha %one5, I !as s"u5ing, I ha 1o5 sui"s, shor"s, Fi$a 1oo"s,uess shoes . . . 3ure na%e81ran. An I !as 3regnan"%a51e "ha"?s !h5 she i i". I a!o%an hears a %an *he*/ing ano"her gir$, she *o%es "o 1urn 5ou u3 !i"h a*i. A*i 5ou,

"o s3oi$ 5our 1eau"5.

Kings"on, Ga%ai*a, is no" a$one in "he es"ru*"ion *ause 15 @ea$ous ri'a$r5. In Sa%oa, a*u$"ure "ha" Margare" Mea on*e *$ai%e !as ree o @ea$ous5, !i'es so%e"i%es see/ ou"!o%en !ho ha se !i"h "heir hus1ans an 1i"e "he% on "he nose "o reu*e "heira""ra*"i'eness. 0or$!ie, "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 s3ira$ *on"inues. 0o%en an %en*o%3e"e "o e%1o5 !ha" "he o"her se esires. The @ea$ous5 o ea*h se, in "urn, is /e5e"o "hose esires. A$"hough "he a*i s3$ashing in Kings"on an "he nose 1i"ing in Sa%oaare e"re%e, "he @ea$ous 3assions "he5 re$e*" 1urn 1righ"$5 !i"hin a$$ o us.



CHAPTER 4

The O"he$$o S5nro%e

OC 1e!are, %5 $or, o @ea$ous5.

I" is "he green8e5? %ons"er !hi*h o"h %o*/

The %ea" i" ees on. Tha" *u*/o$ $i'es in 1$iss

0ho, *er"ain o his a"e, $o'es no" his !ronger

Bu" OC !ha" a%ne %inu"es "e$$s he o?er

0ho o"es, 5e" ou1"s sus3e*"s, 5e" s"rong$5 $o'esC

*Shakespeare%O"he$$o

>ARRY A#D HIS 0IFE,SUSA#, ha 1een ha33i$5 %arrie or "hree 5ears. He a$!a5s

!ore s"ri3e "ies "o !or/. For so%e ine3$i*a1$e reason, she e$$ in"o "he rou"ine ono"i*ing "he ire*"ion o "he s"ri3e 1eore he $e" or !or/. One a5, !hen >arr5 re"urnero% !or/, she rea$ie "ha" his "ie ha 1een re"ie a" so%e 3oin" uring "he a5.

A %an na%e Pau$ 3ur*hase a "ren5 ne! o'er*oa" !i"h a hoo. His !ie ha a suen'ision, !hi*h she es*ri1e as an i%%eia"e ins"in*", "ha" he go" i" 1a or a 'er55oung gir$.

Mar/ an his !ie en@o5e reaing as"ro$og5 *har"s "oge"her. One a5, she sa! hi% rea ane! sign, a" !hi*h 3oin" he s%i$e, 1u" sai no"hing. She sus3e*"e "ha" he ha "a/en on a$o'er.

Vi*"or suen$5 1e*a%e a Bee"ho'en ana"i*, an his !ie i%%eia"e$5 sus3e*"e "ha" he!as ha'ing an aair !i"h a %usi* $o'er.



One 6hris"%as E'e, a %an $oo/e a*ross "he s"ree" an "hough" "ha" he o1ser'e "heneigh1or?s !ino! $igh"s $ashing in s5n*hron5 !i"h "he $igh"s o "he 6hris"%as "ree inhis o!n house. He *on*$ue !i"h u""er *er"ain"5 "ha" his !ie !as ha'ing an aair !i"h"he neigh1or. 0hen 1rough" "o *ounse$ing 15 his !ie, "he %an !as e*$are "o 1ee$usiona$ an "o suer ro% 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5.

As ieren" as "hese *ases are ro% ea*h o"her, "he5 a$$ share "hree "hings. Firs", in ea*h*ase, "he 3eo3$e !ho sus3e*"e "heir s3ouse o inie$i"5 ha 1een reerre "o a 3s5*hia"ris" or he$3. Se*on, in ea*h *ase, "he 3a"ien" ha 1een iagnose as 1eing 3a"ho$ogi*a$$5 @ea$ous, !i"h $a1e$s a""a*he su*h as "he O"he$$o s5nro%e or *on@uga$ 3aranoia. Thir, in ea*h *ase, "he @ea$ous 3erson "urne ou" "o 1e *orre*"C The !ie o "he%an !ho no"i*e "he 6hris"%as "ree $igh"s, or ea%3$e, "urne ou" "o 1e ha'ing a "orriaair !i"h "he neigh1or. In ea*h *ase, "he 3ersons 3$ague 15 "he O"he$$o s5nro%e ha 3i*/e u3 on *$ues, %an5 o !hi*h "he5 *ou$ no" e'en ar"i*u$a"e, 3ro*esse "hose *$uesin so%e !a5, an arri'e a" a *orre*" *on*$usion. Ho! *an !e uners"an "he 3arao oini'iua$s 1eing iagnose as 3a"ho$ogi*a$$5 gri33e 15 "he O"he$$o s5nro%e, 5e" 1eing

3ere*"$5 a**ura"e in "heir ineren*es a1ou" "heir 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5 This *ha3"ere3$ores "he O"he$$o s5nro%e an ea%ines !he"her i" re3resen"s a "rue 3s5*ho$ogi*a$is"ur1an*e or an*ien" !iso% !e a$$ 3ossess.

#o" a$$ 3eo3$e iagnose !i"h e$usiona$ @ea$ous5 a**ura"e$5 a33raise rea$i"5. 6$ear$5so%e 3eo3$e are "ru$5 e$usiona$, $i/e "he -J85ear8o$ !ie !ho !as iagnose as ha'ing 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5. Her *ase !as sui*ien"$5 in"eres"ing "o %a/e i" in"o a *$ini*a$"e"1oo/2 a"er +- 5ears o %arriage her re$a"ionshi3 !i"h her hus1an ha *oo$e an"he *ou3$e s$e3" in se3ara"e roo%s. Fo$$o!ing "he is*o'er5 o a $e""er "ha" in a*ir*u%s"an"ia$ !a5 sugges"e "ha" her hus1an %igh" 1e ha'ing an aair, she 1e*a%e*on'in*e "ha" ano"her !o%an !as en"ering "he house an ha'ing se !i"h her hus1an

!hi$e she !as as$ee3. In orer "o *he*/ on hi% she insis"e on "5ing a 3ie*e o *o""onaroun his 3enis 1eore going "o 1e. Her 1iarre 1eha'ior 3ersis"e an !as "o$era"e 15her hus1an or near$5 a 5ear. He on$5 sough" %ei*a$ he$3 or her !hen her e$usiona$ 1e$ies e"ene an she *$ai%e "ha" her hus1an *ou$ no" on$5 3u" "hough"s in"o herhea 1u" a$so eer*ise re%o"e *on"ro$ o'er "he %o'e%en"s o her 1o5 15 usinge$e*"ro%agne"i* !a'es.

Rea$i"5 or i$$usion To uners"an "his 3u$e, !e %us" re"urn "o "he 3ro1$e% o signa$e"e*"ion an 3ro1e "he 3s5*ho$og5 o %anaging errors o ineren*e.

Error Management Theory

Hu%ans $i'e in an un*er"ain !or$. 0e re$5 on our senses "o 3i*/ u3 inor%a"ion ro%"ha" !or$, an "hen use our inor%a"ion 3ro*essing *a3a*i"ies "o %a/e ineren*es a1ou""he "rue s"a"e o "he !or$. Rea$ "hrea"s "o our sur'i'a$ an re$a"ionshi3s are no" a$!a5sreai$5 a33aren", gi'en "he a%1igui"5 an un*er"ain"5 o "he inor%a"ion.

6onsier a re$a"i'e$5 si%3$e 3ro1$e% o !a$/ing "hrough "he !oos an $ee"ing$5sensing a s$i"hering o1@e*" s*urr5 unernea"h so%e $ea'es in "he 3a"h ire*"$5 in ron" o



5ou. There are "!o 3ossi1$e s"a"es o rea$i"52 ei"her "here is a angerous sna/e in 5our 3a"h or "here is no" a angerous sna/e in 5our 3a"h. i'en "he in*o%3$e"e an un*er"aininor%a"ion "ha" 5ou ha'e 3er*ei'e, "here are a$so "!o ineren*es 5ou *ou$ %a/e. Thereis inee a angerous sna/e, an 5ou a*" "o a'oi i". Or 5ou *ou$ *on*$ue "ha" "here isno sna/e an *on"inue !a$/ing o!n "he 3a"h. T!o s"a"es o 3ossi1$e rea$i"5, "!o 3ossi1$e

ineren*es.

There are a$so "!o ieren" !a5s 5ou *ou$ 1e !rong. You *ou$ 1e$ie'e "ha" "here is asna/e !hen in a*" no sna/e eis"s. Or 5ou *ou$ 1e$ie'e "ha" no sna/e eis"s !hen in a*"a 'eno%ous ra""$er is $ur/ing righ" in 5our 3a"h. The *os"s o "hese "!o "53es o errors,ho!e'er, are 'as"$5 ieren". In "he irs" *ase, 5our 1e$ie *auses 5ou "o in*ur "he "ri'ia$%e"a1o$i* *os" o "a/ing an unne*essar5 e'asi'e a*"ion. B5 gi'ing a !ie 1er"h "o "he area"ha" 5ou 1e$ie'e har1ors a sna/e, 5ou ha'e %ere$5 gone ou" o 5our !a5 a $i""$e, in*urringa %inor e$a5 in 5our !a$/. In "he se*on *ase, ho!e'er, ai$ing "o e"e*" a sna/e "ha" isin a*" $ur/ing in 5our 3a"h *an *os" 5ou 5our $ie. The "!o !a5s o 1eing !rong *arr5su1s"an"ia$$5 ieren" *os"s.

#o! i%agine "ha" "his s*enario no" on$5 re3ea"s i"se$ "housans an "housans o "i%esin 5our $ie"i%e, 1u" 1i$$ions an 1i$$ions o "i%es o'er hu%an e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5. Those!ho %ae "he irs" /in o %is"a/e "ene "o sur'i'e, !hereas "hose !ho %ae "hese*on /in o %is"a/e "ene "o ie. As a resu$", %oern hu%ans ha'e es*ene ro% a$ine o an*es"ors !hose ineren*es a1ou" "he un*er"ain !or$ erre in "he ire*"ion o 1e$ie'ing "ha" sna/es eis"e %ore "han "he5 o. These *an 1e *a$$e aa3"i'e errors.

Mar"ie Hase$"on o "he Uni'ersi"5 o Teas a" Aus"in, To DeKa5 o Fran/$in anMarsha$$ 6o$$ege, an I ha'e 3ro3ose a ne! "heor5 o error %anage%en" (EMT& "oe3$ain errors o "his sor". A**oring "o EMT, e'o$u"ion 15 se$e*"ion !i$$ a'or "he

ineren*e "ha" $eas "o "he $ess *os"$5 error in orer "o a'oi "he %ore *os"$5 error.

6onsier un*er"ain"5 a1ou" !he"her 5our ro%an"i* 3ar"ner is ha'ing an aair or is $i/e$5"o ha'e an aair. Aairs, o *ourse, are a$%os" a$!a5s 'ei$e an *$anes"ine. Your 3ar"ner?s in"en"ions are a$so hien ro% 5our inuiring e5es. 0ho *an "e$$ !ha" rea$$5$ur/s in ano"her?s %in In %an5 !a5s, "he shrou o un*er"ain"5 a1ou" a 3ar"ner?sinie$i"5 is e'en $arger "han "he un*er"ain"5 a1ou" !he"her anger $ur/s 1enea"h so%erus"$ing $ea'es. 0hen signa$s *o%ing ro% "he !or$ are egrae, %u$e, ori%3o'erishe, a**ura"e ineren*es a1ou" rea$i"5 1e*o%e horrenous$5 ii*u$".

To e3$ore @us" ho! un*er"ain 3eo3$e rea$$5 are a1ou" a 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5, >u*i Pau$ anher *o$$eagues a" Te%3$e Uni'ersi"5 sur'e5e a $arge sa%3$e o 5oung %en an !o%en!ho !ere in'o$'e in $ong8"er% ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s. The5 as/e ea*h 3erson 3ri'a"e$5!he"her "he5 !ere *er"ain or un*er"ain "ha" "heir 3ar"ner ha a$!a5s 1een ai"hu$ "o "he%.O "he !o%en 3o$$e, ;J 3er*en" re3or"e "ha" "he5 !ere *er"ain "heir 3ar"ner ha 1een"o"a$$5 ai"hu$ ;+ 3er*en" re3or"e "ha" "he5 !ere *er"ain "heir 3ar"ner ha 1eenunai"hu$ an +; 3er*en" re3or"e "ha" "he5 !ere un*er"ain a1ou" "heir 3ar"ner?s ie$i"5. #o! *onsier "he %en?s res3onses2 -9 3er*en" re3or"e "ha" "he5 !ere *er"ain "heir 3ar"ner ha 1een ai"hu$ : 3er*en" re3or"e "ha" "he5 !ere *er"ain "heir 3ar"ner ha



1een unai"hu$ an a sia1$e -9 3er*en" re3or"e un*er"ain"5 a1ou" !he"her or no" "heir 3ar"ner ha re%aine ai"hu$.

0e on?" /no! 3re*ise$5 !h5 %ore %en "han !o%en re3or" un*er"ain"5. Perha3s !o%enare 1e""er "han %en a" e"e*"ing a 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5. Perha3s %en are $ess s/i$$e a"

*on*ea$ing "heir o!n inie$i"ies, $eaing "o easier e"e*"ion 15 !o%en. Perha3s !o%enin"en"iona$$5 /ee3 "heir 3ar"ners in a grea"er s"a"e o un*er"ain"5. S"i$$ ano"her 3ossi1i$i"5is "ha" !o%en are "oo *onien" !hen "he5 shou$n?" 1e. A$$ "hese e3$ana"ions %a5a**oun" or a 3or"ion o "he se ieren*e. Regar$ess o "he origin o "his se ieren*e,"he /e5 3oin" is "his2 a su1s"an"ia$ ra*"ion o 1o"h sees re3or" $i'ing in a s"a"e oun*er"ain"5 a1ou" "heir 3ar"ner?s ie$i"5.

#o! *onsier "he "!o 3ossi1$e "53es o errors. You *an iner an inie$i"5 15 5our 3ar"ner!hen none has o**urre. Or 5ou *an err in 1e$ie'ing "ha" a 3ar"ner is e"erna$$5 e'o"e "o5ou, !hen in a*" 5our 3ar"ner 3assiona"e$5 e%1ra*es so%eone e$se !hene'er 5our 1a*/is "urne. 0hi*h error is %ore *os"$5 The ans!er see%s *$ear in $igh" o hu%an

e'o$u"ion. A %an !ho %is"a/en$5 a**use his !ie o inie$i"5 %igh" "rigger a igh" !i"hher, !hi*h *an 1e *os"$5, 1u" i" %igh" a$so *ause her "o in*rease her is3$a5s o $o5a$"5. A$are8u3 o @ea$ous5 *an e"er a 3ar"ner !ho %igh" o"her!ise s"ra5. The *os"s o %a/ing"his "53e o error are re$a"i'e$5 $o! an "he 1enei"s are 3o"en"ia$$5 grea".

0ha" a1ou" ai$ing "o e"e*" an inie$i"5 "ha" has o**urre or %igh" o**ur A %an !hoerre 15 ai$ing "o e"e*" a rea$ inie$i"5 %a5 @eo3arie his en"ire re3rou*"i'e *areer.He !ou$ in*ur "he %an5 *os"s o inie$i"5, 3ossi1$5 ire*"ing his 3aren"ing "o!arano"her %an?s *hi$ren an $osing a$$ o his !ie?s resour*es. I "hese e'en"s o**urrere3ea"e$5 o'er e'o$u"ionar5 "i%e, a**oring "o Error Manage%en" Theor5, na"ura$se$e*"ion !ou$ *rea"e aa3"a"ions esigne "o err in one ire*"ion. The aa3"i'e so$u"ion

!ou$ 1e "o se" a $o! "hresho$ or inerring a 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5, $i/e a hair "rigger on ana$ar%. In "his !a5, one a'ois *os"s o ai$ing "o e"e*" a*"ua$ inie$i"ies, e'en i i" %eansso%e"i%es a$se$5 a**using a 3ar"ner o 1e"ra5a$.

The sa%e $ogi* a33$ies "o !o%en. An an*es"ra$ !o%an !ho erre in "hin/ing "ha" herhus1an 'io$a"e "heir %arriage 'o!s !hen he i no" !ou$ ha'e in*urre %inor *os"s.Her neigh1or !ho erre in ai$ing "o e"e*" "he a*" "ha" her 1es" rien !as orni*a"ing!i"h her hus1an on "he sie !ou$ ha'e ris/e "he i'ersion o her hus1an?s resour*esan *o%%i"%en"s "o her rien. The *on*$usion is *$ear. A**oring "o EMT, se$e*"ion!i$$ a'or !o%en !ho err on "he *au"ious sie, se""ing a $o! "hresho$ or inerring ahus1an?s inie$i"5, e'en a" "he ris/ o 1eing !rong so%e o "he "i%e.

Error Manage%en" Theor5 3ro'ies a 3o!eru$ e3$ana"ion or so%e i%3or"an" as3e*"s o"he O"he$$o s5nro%e. I" e3$ains !h5 %en an !o%en so%e"i%es ha'e e$usions "ha"a 3ar"ner is unai"hu$ !hen he or she has re%aine $o5a$. I" a**oun"s or !h5 %en an!o%en are high$5 sensi"i'e "o signa$s o 1e"ra5a$. I" e3$ains !h5 %en an !o%en "rain"heir e5es $aser$i/e on ri'a$s !ho $ir" !i"h "heir 3ar"ners a" 3ar"ies. Bu" EMT, 15 i"se$,oes no" e3$ain "he 3ar"i*u$ar *ir*u%s"an*es in re$a"ionshi3s "ha" %igh" *ause a suenin*rease in sensi"i'i"5 "o a 3ar"ner?s 3ossi1$e 1e"ra5a$. To e3$ain "hese 3s5*ho$ogi*a$



shi"s, !e %us" "urn "o "he *oni"ions "ha" a*"ua$$5 3rei*" !hen a 3ar"ner %igh" s"ra5,s"ar"ing !i"h seua$ 3ro1$e%s in "he re$a"ionshi3.

Eretile Dysfuntion and Male Meno*ause

In "he ani%a$ !or$, %onoga%5%a"ing !i"h a sing$e 3ar"neris s"a"is"i*a$$5 rare. I"o**urs in on$5 - 3er*en" o "he rough$5 ;, s3e*ies o %a%%a$s. Bio$ogis"s $ong 1e$ie'e "ha" 1irs iere, an "he5 assu%e "ha" %os" a'ian s3e*ies 3ra*"i*e%onoga%5. D#A inger3rin"ing "e*hno$og5, ho!e'er, has re'ea$e "ha" %an5 1irs3e*ies 3re'ious$5 1e$ie'e "o 1e %onoga%ous in a*" engage in *onsiera1$e inie$i"5.In so%e s3e*ies o 1irs, as %an5 as ; 3er*en" o "he *hi*/s "urn ou" "o ha'e 1een sireno" 15 "he %a$e a" "he nes" 1u" 15 a neigh1or a e! "erri"ories a!a5 !i"h !ho% "he e%a$ehas *o3u$a"e *$anes"ine$5.

A%ong "he a'ian s3e*ies, ho!e'er, so%e are %ore %onoga%ous "han o"hers. Ring o'es"en "o 1e one o "he %os" $o5a$, !i"h ui"e $o! *u*/o$r5 ra"es. E'en so, ring o'es

e3erien*e a i'or*e ra"e o rough$5 J 3er*en" 3er season. 0h5 The %a@or *ause o 1rea/ing a 1one o'e 3air is iner"i$i"5, "he ai$ure "o 3rou*e os3ring. Pairs "ha" 3rou*e *hi*/s in one 1reeing season re%ain *ou3$e or "he ne" one "hose "ha" ai$ "ore3rou*e in one season sa5 goo815e "o "heir 3ar"ner an see/ ou" a re3$a*e%en" %a"e.Dii*u$"5 in 3rou*ing os3ring has %an5 *auses a%ong 1o"h 1irs an hu%ans,in*$uing o**asiona$ s"eri$i"5 o one %e%1er or gene"i* in*o%3a"i1i$i"5 o "he *ou3$e. Bu"one *ause a%ong hu%ans is ai$ure in seua$ re$a"ions, an e'en" "ha" *an sha""er ano"her!ise har%onious re$a"ionshi3.

0hen "he rug Viagra !as in"rou*e, i" ui*/$5 1e*a%e "he 1es"8se$$ing 3res*ri3"ionrug on "he %ar/e". Mi$$ions o %en $ooe o*"ors? oi*es e%aning i". This

ou"3ouring 3oin"e "o a 3ro1$e% "ha" 3$agues %i$$ions o %en"he 3ro1$e% oi%3o"en*e, or ere*"i$e 5sun*"ion as i" is no! *a$$e in "he *$ini*a$ $i"era"ure. A$"hough$arge8s*a$e s"uies are s*ar*e, a'ai$a1$e e'ien*e sugges"s "ha" i%3o"en*e is no" a rare 3ro1$e%. In one s"u5 o Bri"ish %en, or ea%3$e, + ou" o :; %en, or ; 3er*en",re3or"e "ha" "he5 so%e"i%es, o"en, or a$!a5s suere ro% i%3o"en*e.

The *auses o i%3o"en*e, o *ourse, are %an5, ranging ro% organi* 3ro1$e%s su*h asia1e"es an "he ra'ages o age "o 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ sour*es su*h as inse*uri"5 or 3eror%an*e anie"5. The e'o$u"ionar5 an"hro3o$ogis" Pierre Van en Berghe o "heUni'ersi"5 o 0ashing"on 3ro'ies a 3oignan" i$$us"ra"ion o "he 3re'a$en*e o %en?sanie"5 a1ou" i%3o"en*e in "he *on"e" o in"raseua$ *o%3e"i"ion2

A 1o5, a %an, on a a"e, is in *o%3e"i"ion agains" an un/no!n nu%1er o in'isi1$e*o%3e"i"ors, an in an un3rei*"a1$e nu%1er o ieren" arenas. He *an 1e e$a"e an*u" o!n !hen he %a/es "he a"e (I rea$$5 on?" an"i*i3a"e a ree e'ening or se'era$!ee/s . . .& !hen he *o%es "o e"*h her (I "hough" 5ou ha a *on'er"i1$e . . .& a" "heres"auran" (Oh ear, %5 ress is "oo or%a$ or "his 3$a*e i 5ou ha "o$ %e . . .&uring inner (Youreally on?" /no! ho! "o ea" an ar"i*ho/e& in *on'ersa"ion(E'er51o5 "oa5 reas Kier/egaar, o *ourse . . .& !hen 3a5ing (M5 a"her a$!a5s



"i3s a" $eas" +J 3er*en" . . .& a"er inner (Is "here no"hing %ore e*i"ing 5ou *ansugges" I ha"e "hose s"u5 $i""$e %o'ie houses . . .& on "he !a5 ho%e (You sure$5on?" e3e*" %e "o ge" "ha" a%i$iar on a irs" a"e& e"*. 0ha"e'er he oes, an !hi*h!a5 he oes i", he ris/s "he 3ossi1i$i"5 "ha" his 3enis %a5 1e @us" a $i""$e s%a$$er, @us" a$i""$e $ess ae3", "han so%eone e$se?s.

There is no reason "o 1e$ie'e "ha" i%3o"en*e is a ne! 3ro1$e% or %ere$5 one "ha" 3$agueson$5 %oern so*ie"ies. A$"hough rare$5 s"uie in a s5s"e%a"i* ashion, %an5an"hro3o$ogis"s !ho ha'e $i'e !i"h "rai"iona$ 3eo3$es ro% aroun "he g$o1e re3or"*ases o i%3o"en*e. In a sur'e5 o "he so8*a$$e S"anar Sa%3$e, a a"a 1an/ *on"aininginor%a"ion a1ou" a !ie 'arie"5 o *u$"ures, ear o i%3o"en*e is e3$i*i"$5 re3or"e in : 3er*en" o "he ; *u$"ures or !hi*h "he re$e'an" inor%a"ion is a'ai$a1$e. The Mehina/u,an A%aonian "ri1e o Inians in *en"ra$ Brai$, 3ro'ies a 3ere*" i$$us"ra"ion. A%ong "heMehina/u, a %an?s seua$ ai$ures 1e*o%e %a""ers o *o%%on /no!$ege, sin*e gossi3"ra'e$s ui*/$5 "hroughou" "his *$ose *o%%uni"5. S"ories o i%3o"en*e are re$e*"e inMehina/u o$/$ore, as i$$us"ra"e 15 "he o$$o!ing "a$e, *a$$e The Ar%ai$$o an "he

Foo"3rin"2

Ar%ai$$o $e" his house "o !aner a1ou" "hrough "he !oos, $ea'ing his 3enis in a 1as/e"sus3ene ro% "he ra"ers. As he !a$/e a$ong "he 3a"h, he sa! a 1eau"iu$ !o%an2He5C 6o%e here, !o%an. >e"?s ha'e se.

Are 5ou goo "o ha'e se !i"h, Ar%ai$$o she as/e.

I %a/e i" rea$$5 e$i*ious, he re3$ie. Ar%ai$$o sa" o!n on "he groun in 3re3ara"ion

or se, $oo/e o!n 1e"!een his $egs, an is*o'ere "ha" his 3enis !asn?" "here. Oh, Iorgo" %5 3enis, he sai. I?$$ ge" i".

Re"urning "o "he house, Ar%ai$$o !as gree"e 15 his !ie2 0ha"?s u3 she inuire.

Oh, no"hing. I !as @us" ge""ing %5 1o! "o shoo" a 1ir.

Re"rie'ing his 3enis, Ar%ai$$o $e" "he house an re"urne "o $oo/ or his gir$rien.He5, here I a%C he *a$$e. I 1rough" %5 3enis !i"h %e "his "i%e. 0o!, no! I ha'e anere*"ionC 0on?" !e ha'e se, !o%an

Ar%ai$$o $oo/e a$$ o'er or "he !o%an, 1u" she ha $e". A$$ he *ou$ in !as heroo"3rin", an he ha se !i"h "ha". His 3enis a"e "he ear"h.

0e are a%use a" "he i%age o "he Ar%ai$$o $ea'ing his 3enis 1ehin, a *$ear reeren*e"o i%3o"en*e. Bu" i%3o"en*e is no $aughing %a""er "o "he Mehina/u %en. I%3o"en"Mehina/u %en so%e"i%es $ose "heir %a"es, !ho go o in sear*h o %ore 3o"en" 3ar"ners.



One ini*a"ion o "he seriousness o i%3o"en*e a%ong "he Mehina/u is "he nu%1er ona%es "he5 ha'e or "he 3ro1$e%. These in*$ue#aiyala euti% !hi*h %eans "he 3enis is"ireiaipiripyai euti% !hi*h %eans "he 3enis is asha%e anaka#a euti% !hi*h %eans"he 3enis ies.

Ano"her ini*a"ion o i"s signii*an*e is "he e"raorinar5 eor" "he %en go "o in orer "oin *ures or i". These are es*ri1e !i"h "he "er% 5apu5ate euti% !hi*h es*ri1es 3ro*eures esigne "o %a/e "he 3enis angr5. A%ong "he se'en *ures or i%3o"en*e areru11ing an en"ire nee$e ish agains" "he 3enis ru11ing "he hea an ne*/ o a "ur"$eagains" "he 3enis ru11ing 1a%1oo on "he 3enis !hi$e *han"ing:Yanapi 3enis, yanapi% goin"o "he 'agina, yanapi ru11ing sa3 ro% a $a"e83rou*ing 3$an" on"o "he 3eniss*arring "he 3enis !i"h "he "ee"h ro% a ogish ane5ekeki% !hi*h %eans 1rea"h %agi*,*onsis"ing o an ini'iua$ !ho 1$o!s on"o "he 3enis !hi$e *han"ing %agi*a$in*an"a"ions.

His"ori*a$$5, a %an?s a1i$i"5 "o re3rou*e !as ire*"$5 $in/e !i"h his a1i$i"5 "o

inse%ina"e a er"i$e !o%an regu$ar$5, !hi*h o *ourse reuire re*urren" ere*"ions.An*es"ra$ %en !ho *onsis"en"$5 e3erien*e i%3o"en*e !i"h one !o%an %a5 ha'e 1een%o"i'a"e "o $ea'e her or ano"her !o%an !i"h !ho% he !as %ore 'iri$e. A !o%an!hose %a"e *onsis"en"$5 ai$e "o 1e*o%e ere*" %a5 ha'e 1een %o"i'a"e "o ha'e aairson "he sie or "o $ea'e hi% en"ire$5, or e$se ris/ ai$ure a" re3rou*"ion herse$. Ii%3o"en*e 15 a %an %o"i'a"e his 3ar"ner "o s"ra5 "hen !e e3e*" %en "o 1e*o%e @ea$ousa"er a 1ou" o i%3o"en*e. This is 3re*ise$5 !ha" !e in in *$ini*a$ *ases o "he O"he$$os5nro%e.

In one s"u5 o -9 *$ini*a$ *ases o "he O"he$$o s5nro%e, seua$ 3ro1$e%s !ere re3or"ein +=. One !as ue "o "he $oss o seua$ esire en"ire$5, si !ere ue "o ere*"i$e

5sun*"ion, an + !ere ue "o 3re%a"ure e@a*u$a"ion, a *oni"ion "ha" is *$ose$5 $in/e!i"h i%3o"en*e. One %an re3or"e2 Be*ause o %5 i%3o"en*e, %5 !ie %us" 1e $osingin"eres" in %e . . . She %us" "hereore 1e "ranserring her ae*"ion "o o"her %en.

Ano"her *ase in'o$'e a 9:85ear8o$ %an !hose $ong8"er% %arriage !as har%oniousun"i$ he ha a s"ro/e, *ausing hi% "o 1e*o%e i%3o"en". He 1egan 3u""ing "oge"her "he 3ie*es o e'ien*e ro% a 'arie"5 o sour*es "ha" 3ro'e his !ie !as unai"hu$. Heno"i*e an o3en !ino!, an *on*$ue "ha" his !ie ha in"en"iona$$5 o3ene i" "o $e" her$o'er *ree3 in"o "he house !hi$e he !as as$ee3. He no"i*e "ra*/s in "he sno! uner "he!ino!. He hear 'oi*es in "he /i"*hen, 1u" !hen he *he*/e, "he 'oi*es 'anishe, anhe *on*$ue "ha" her $o'er ha $e @us" 1eore he arri'e. He a**use his !ie oinie$i"5 an "rie "o res"ri*" her a*"i'i"ies, insis"ing "ha" she no" go ou" o "he house. He 1e*a%e seua$$5 aggressi'e !i"h her, es3i"e his i%3o"en*e, %a/ing seua$ a'an*es so 3ersis"en"$5 "hroughou" "he nigh" "ha" she !as or*e "o %o'e in"o a se3ara"e 1eroo%. Heno"i*e his neigh1or 3eror%ing rou"ine *hores, su*h as %o!ing "he $a!n, "ha" he *ou$no $onger 3eror% hi%se$. He *on*$ue "ha" his !ie !as s$ee3ing !i"h "he neigh1or,es3i"e "he a*" "ha" "he neigh1or !as J 5ears 5ounger "han he an his !ie an !as ane!$5!e. The !ie ina$$5 *on'in*e hi% "o see a 3s5*hia"ris" !hen he "rie "o s"ri/e



her !i"h his *ane an "hrea"ene "o assau$" her, a$$ 1e*ause o his in"ense @ea$ous5 o'erher sus3e*"e inie$i"ies.

As ar as "he 3s5*hia"ris" *ou$ e"er%ine, "he !ie ha re%aine seua$$5 ai"hu$"hroughou" "heir %arriage. Bu" "he hus1an?s i%3o"en*e "riggere in hi% seua$ @ea$ous5,

se" o 15 !ha" !ou$ ha'e 1een a re$ia1$e signa$ o 3ar"ner ee*"ion in an*es"ra$en'iron%en"s.

As Ge Dia%on, au"hor o "he 1oo/ $ale $enopause% no"e2 A $o" o %i$ie 1rea/u3sare ue "o "he 3ro@e*"ion o "he %en?s *hanges on"o "heir !i'es. The5 1$a%e "he !i'es or!ha"?s ha33ening "o "he% . . . One %an, a "ai8*a1 ri'er, "o$ %e, I?% $osing %5 seua$esire, %5 ere*"ions, an %5 %in. I?% arai %5 !ie !i$$ $ose in"eres" in %e.?

I" is un$i/e$5 "ha" one e3isoe o i%3o"en*e !i$$ i%3e$ a !o%an "o $ea'e her hus1an. Bu"%u$"i3$e e3isoes raise "he os. Men in our an*es"ra$ 3as" !ho erre 15 assu%ing "ha""heir i%3o"en*e %igh" $ea "o a !ie?s inie$i"5 !ou$ ge" @ea$ous, 3ro%3"ing a*"ion

esigne "o 3re'en" her ee*"ion. A %an !ho erre in "he o"her ire*"ion, 15 assu%ing"ha" his !ie !ou$ re%ain ai"hu$ !hen she !as $eaning "o!ar $ea'ing, !ou$ ha'esuere %ore *os"s in "he *urren*5 o re3rou*"i'e su**ess. Moern %en are es*enan"so "hose !ho erre in "he @ea$ous ire*"ion, e'en !hen "his error 3rou*e so%e %ari"a$ri*"ion.

Alohol (nto$iation

The seo$ogis" Kra"8E1ing !as "he irs" "o re3or" in +=J on "he $in/ 1e"!een a$*oho$an @ea$ous5. He re3or"e "ha" : 3er*en" o "he %a$e a$*oho$i*s in his s"u5 !ere*onsu%e 15 e$usions o @ea$ous5. Kra"8E1ing argue "ha" @ea$ous5 arose in "he $a"er

3hase o a$*oho$is% an !as %ar/e 15 a high$5 organie 3a""ern o sus3i*ions oinie$i"5, 1e$ie'e "o 1e e$usiona$ in na"ure. On*e "he @ea$ous5 e$usion ha e'e$o3e,Kra"8E1ing o1ser'e "ha" i" 1e*a%e e"re%e$5 ie an high$5 resis"an" "o *hange.

More re*en" s"uies re'ea$ a %ore %oes" ro$e o a$*oho$ in "riggering @ea$ous5. A s"u5in +=9: re'ea$e "ha" +: 3er*en" o a sa%3$e o JJ a$*oho$i*s is3$a5e 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5. Pau$ Mu$$en oun in +=:J "ha" on$5 ++ 3er*en" o his sa%3$e o +-: a$*oho$i*sehi1i"e "he O"he$$o s5nro%e. A +==+ s"u5 in er%an5 o =- *ases o e$usiona$ @ea$ous5 oun "ha" + 3er*en" !ere a$*oho$i*s.

B5 ar "he %os" s5s"e%a"i* s"u5, ho!e'er, !as an in"er'ie! s"u5 in +=:J o +

a$*oho$i*s, in !hi*h -J 3er*en" o "he %en in "he sa%3$e !ere iagnose as e"re%e$5 @ea$ous. In : 3er*en" o "he %en, ho!e'er, "he %an?s @ea$ous5 !as regare as @us"iie!hen i" !as re'ea$e "ha" "he s3ouse !as inee ha'ing an aair. 0hen "his igure issu1"ra*"e ro% "he -J 3er*en" @uge "o 1e e"re%e$5 @ea$ous, "he resear*hers *on*$ue"ha" < 3er*en" o "he %a$e a$*oho$i*s !ere %or1i$5 @ea$ous. 0e %us" regar "hisigure !i"h so%e s/e3"i*is%, ho!e'er, 1e*ause an un/no!n 3er*en"age o "hese %en%igh" ha'e 1een 3i*/ing u3 on au"hen"i* *ues "o an inie$i"5 "ha" ha 1een %ore or $esssu**essu$$5 *on*ea$e 15 "heir !i'es.



A nu%1er o 3ossi1$e e3$ana"ions eis" or "he %oes" $in/ 1e"!een a$*oho$*onsu%3"ion an @ea$ous5. Firs", a$*oho$ %a5 $o!er a %an?s inhi1i"ions, *ausing hi% "o'en" sus3i*ions "ha" he a$rea5 has. Se*on, %en !ho are *on*erne a1ou" "heir "rou1$e%arriages %a5 1e %ore 3rone "o rin/ hea'i$5, "hus *rea"ing a $in/ 1e"!een a$*oho$ an @ea$ous5. Thir, a$*oho$ %a5 ire*"$5 ae*" @ea$ous5, *rea"ing sus3i*ions "ha" !ere no"

3re'ious$5 3resen" 15 is"or"ing 3er*e3"ions, 3rou*ing errors in $ogi*, or "!is"ing "hein"er3re"a"ion o a*"s.

A$"hough a$$ o "hese e3$ana"ions %a5 ha'e so%e 3ar"ia$ "ru"h, "here %a5 1e ano"here3$ana"ion2 "he $in/ 1e"!een a$*oho$ an i%3o"en*e. To 3ara3hrase Sha/es3eare, a$*oho$%a5 en$a%e esire, 1u" i" !ea/ens "he $esh. A$*oho$ is *$ear$5 $in/e !i"h 3o"en*5 3ro1$e%s. Sin*e !e /no! "ha" i%3o"en*e "riggers @ea$ous5, an5"hing "ha" 3rou*esi%3o"en*e shou$ 1e $in/e !i"h e$e'a"e @ea$ous5. An sin*e i%3o"en*e %a5 in*$ine a 3ar"ner "o $ea'e, "he ear o a 3ar"ner?s ee*"ion %a5 ue$ a %an?s @ea$ous rage.

The !i'es o a$*oho$i* %en %a5, o'er "i%e, *o%e "o in se un3$easan". 0o%en %a5

e'e$o3 an a'ersion "o "he rough, 1ru"a$ hus1an, o"en run/ a" "he "i%e o in"er*ourse,. . . !hose 3a"ho$ogi*a$$5 "ar5 e@a*u$a"ion *auses 3ain "hrough 3ersis"en" an reuen"a""e%3"s . . . The 1ru"a$, irri"a1$e, %en"a$$5 enee1$e hus1an, !ho o"her!ise $i'es in as"a"e o uarre$ !i"h his !ie see/s an ins "he *ause o his seua$ issa"isa*"ion in "heinie$i"5 o "he !ie. A 'i*ious *5*$e is *rea"e. The hus1an?s a$*oho$ a1use $eas "oun3$easan" se, *ausing "he !ie "o e*$ine his seua$ a'an*es, !hi*h "hen "riggers @ea$ous5 an sus3i*ions o inie$i"5.

Women,s Se$ual Dissatisfation

Ano"her *ir*u%s"an*e "ha" %igh" e'o/e a %an?s @ea$ous5 is his ina1i$i"5 "o seua$$5

sa"is5 his 3ar"ner. O'er e'o$u"ionar5 "i%e, !o%en %a"e "o %en "he5 oun seua$$5!an"ing so%e"i%es sough" sa"isa*"ion in ano"her %an?s ar%s, ei"her "e%3orari$5 "hroughan aair or 3er%anen"$5 "hrough i'or*e an re%arriage. This an*es"ra$ *oni"ion %a5ha'e s*u$3"e a 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ sensi"i'i"5 in %en "o "heir a1i$i"5 "o seua$$5 sa"is5 "heir!i'es. A %an?s *on*ern o'er his !ie?s seua$ orgas% is so%e"i%es a""ri1u"e "o%as*u$ine inse*uri"5. Bu" i" %a5 ins"ea re$e*" an a**ura"e 3er*e3"ion "ha" her $a*/ osa"isa*"ion %a5 $ea her "o $ea'e. The 3heno%enon o !o%en a/ing orgas% %a5s5%1o$i*a$$5 assure "he hus1an o seua$ ie$i"5. The 3s5*hia"ri* re*or is i$$e !i"h*ases e3i*"ing %en?s inse*uri"5 a1ou" "heir a1i$i"5 "o sa"is5 "heir !i'es.

In one *ase, an aging %an s"ar"e "o 1e*o%e *on*erne a1ou" "he uan"i"5 o his se%en,

!hi*h a33aren"$5 ha 1een *onsiera1$e in his 5ou"h. He 1e*a%e in*reasing$5 @ea$ouso'er "i%e. He insis"e on ha'ing se !i"h his !ie e'er5 nigh", "rie "o 3re'en" her ro%going ou", an e'en "rie "o s"o3 her ro% a""ening her !ee/$5 !o%en?s grou3. Heinsis"e on reaing e'er5 $e""er an *ar she re*ei'e, an in one *ase, "oo/ a $e""er "o ahan!ri"ing e3er" "o ana$5e hien %essages. Dai$5 he *he*/e his !ie?s uner3an"sor e'ien*e o inie$i"5. He res"ri*"e his !ie?s a*"i'i"ies. He in*reasing$5*o%3$aine "ha" his ere*"ions !ere s%a$$er "han "he5 ha 1een an "ha" se !i"h his !ie!as "oo inreuen". He asser"e "ha" his !ie?s 'agina ha *hange, an 1e$ie'e "ha" he



*ou$ e"e*" "he %ar/ o ano"her %an?s 3enis in her 'aginaC He a%i""e a$$ o "his "o"he 3s5*hia"ris", 1u" enie 'ehe%en"$5 "ha" he !as @ea$ous.

Si%i$ar ea%3$es a1oun in "he 3s5*hia"ri* re*ors. In one *ase, a %an 1e*a%e @ea$ous!hen he *on*$ue "ha" his 3enis !as "oo shor" "o sa"is5 his !ie, sin*e he assu%e "ha"

she !as use "o a $arger sie ro% her 3re'ious 3ar"ners. Ano"her %an 1e$ie'e "ha" his!ie ha *o%%i""e au$"er5 !i"h a" $eas" "hree ieren" %en. He 1e$ie'e "ha" he !asin*a3a1$e o sa"is5ing her seua$$5 1e*ause one o "hese %en, he "hough", ha su*h a$arge 3enis "ha" i" ha !iene his !ie?s 'agina. His @ea$ous5 go" so 1a "ha" he*on*$ue "ha" he %us" no" 1e "he a"her o an5 o his *hi$ren. The @ea$ous5 "ore a3ar" "he%arriage. His 3s5*hia"ris" !as una1$e "o *on"ain "he %an?s @ea$ous5, an e'en"ua$$5 "he*ou3$e i'or*e.

Ano"her *ase in'o$'e a ;J85ear8o$ %an !ho !as es*ri1e 15 his !ie as har!or/ing,sensi"i'e, an reser'e. The *ou3$e ha i'e *hi$ren, 1u" es3i"e "his, "he hus1an 1egan"o a**use his !ie o 1eing a !hore. He 1e$ie'e "ha" she 1e"ra5e hi% !i"h a 1us

ri'er, !ho *ou$ 3eror% seua$ "ri*/s or his !ie "ha" he insis"e he $a*/e "he/no!$ege "o o. He is*o'ere "hese "ri*/s 15 reaing a 1oo/ on se. He no"i*e "he 1us ri'er gi'ing his !ie ie $oo/s, an no"i*e his !ie s!a5ing her 1u""o*/s !henshe 1oare "he 1us. He 1egan "o !oner !he"her his *hi$ren !ere his o!n. He "hough""ha" on$5 one $oo/e $i/e hi%. He !an"e his !ie "o "a/e 1$oo "es"s, 1u" she reuse an!ou$ no" a$$o! an5 3a"erni"5 "es"ing, !hi*h ue$e his @ea$ous5 ur"her. She ga'e "hei%3ression o 1eing "rus"!or"h5 an hones", an enie ha'ing in"er*ourse !i"h o"her%en. Bu" she e*$are "ha" she ha no" e3erien*e orgas% in "he %arriage. She a$sos"a"e "ha" her hus1an i no" uners"an her, !hi*h "he hus1an in"er3re"e as %eaning"ha" he oesn?" /no! ho! "o sa"is5 %e seua$$5. Trea"%en" !as unsu**essu$, an "he%an su1seuen"$5 a1anone his !ie an *hi$ren.

A %an?s ina1i$i"5 "o sa"is5 his 3ar"ner seua$$5, rea$ or i%agine, a33ears "o 1e a 3o!eru$ "rigger o seua$ @ea$ous5. The "hera3is" o one *ou3$e en"ering "rea"%en" or "hehus1an?s 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5 no"e "ha" "he !ie "a$/e a1ou" her or%er $o'ers a$$ o"he "i%e an s3ea/s isainu$$5 a1ou" "he seua$ 3eror%an*e o her hus1an.

Seua$ issa"isa*"ion is $in/e !i"h %ari"a$ unha33iness, !hi*h is a goo 3rei*"or oi'or*e. In %5 s"u5 o +< %arrie *ou3$es, !e oun "ha" so%e !o%en an %ene3resse a 'arie"5 o *o%3$ain"s a1ou" "heir 3ar"ner?s seua$ 1eha'ior. So%e *o%3$aine"ha" "heir 3ar"ner reuse "o ha'e se !i"h "he%, e*$are a $a*/ o in"eres" in ha'ingseua$ re$a"ions, an re1ue "heir seua$ a'an*es. A$$ "hese seua$ *o%3$ain"s !ere$in/e !i"h %ari"a$ unha33iness.

Sin*e an ina1i$i"5 "o sa"is5 a 3ar"ner seua$$5 *auses %ari"a$ unha33iness, an %ari"a$unha33iness *auses i'or*e, i" is reasona1$e "o *on*$ue "ha" seua$ issa"isa*"ion raises"he $i/e$ihoo o 1rea/ing u3. Seua$ @ea$ous5, "riggere 15 a 3er*ei'e ina1i$i"5 "o 3$easea 3ar"ner seua$$5, %a5 1e a *o3ing e'i*e esigne "o en o "his i%3ening "hrea"ane'o$'e 3rou*" o error %anage%en", he$3ing "o 3re'en" a 3er%anen" ee*"ion. B5



ge""ing @ea$ous !hen a 3ar"ner is 3er*ei'e "o 1e seua$$5 issa"isie, a %an ee*"i'e$5s"e3s u3 his %a"e guaring "a*"i*s in an a""e%3" "o !ar o "he "hrea" o $osing her.

Women,s Deline in Se$ual Desire

0hen a !o%an?s esire or se !i"h her regu$ar 3ar"ner e*$ines, i" %a5 signa$ %ari"a$ 3ro1$e%s. 0o%en seua$$5 1ore 15 "heir hus1ans %a5 see/ s"i%u$a"ion ro% o"her%en. A re*urren" "hough" a%ong %en iagnose !i"h *on@uga$ 3aranoia is2 I she isno" a*hie'ing seua$ sa"isa*"ion !i"h %e, she %us" 1e a*hie'ing i" !i"h so%eone e$se. A!o%an a$so %a5 1e 1ore !i"h "he re$a"ionshi3 i"se$, an o%inous ini*a"or o i%3eningi'or*e. 0he"her "he 1oreo% is %ere$5 seua$ or e"ens "o "he en"ire re$a"ionshi3, aro3 in seua$ in"eres" 3or"ens "rou1$e in a 3re'ious$5 har%onious re$a"ionshi3. As Mae0es" on*e sai, I"?s no" "he %en in %5 $ie "ha" *oun"i"?s "he $ie in %5 %en.

6ase re3or"s o 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5 *on"ain %an5 ea%3$es o @ea$ous s5%3"o%s"riggere 15 a !ie?s e*rease in esire. In one *ase, a %arrie %an ;- 5ears o$ !as

a%i""e "o a 3s5*hia"ri* hos3i"a$. His *o%3$ain" !as "ha" he !as "ense u3 1e*ause he 1e$ie'e his !ie "o 1e unai"hu$. He 3ro'ie no e'ien*e "o su33or" his sus3i*ions, 1u"re3or"e "ha" "he iea o his !ie?s inie$i"5 ha 1een 3$an"e 15 a *o!or/er, !ho*asua$$5 as/e hi% one a5 !he"her he ha e'er sus3e*"e his 3ar"ner o oo$ing arounon hi%. His sus3i*ions es*a$a"e !hen his !ie ai$e "o 3ro'ie a sa"isa*"or5e3$ana"ion or an a""ra*"i'e 3air o 1oo"s she !as !earing. His @ea$ous5 1e*a%e soe"re%e "ha" on*e he a""e%3"e "o s"rang$e his !ie, !hi*h ai$e !hen neigh1orsin"er'ene. Ano"her "i%e, resse on$5 in uner!ear, he ran ou" in"o "he s"ree" in a 'aina""e%3" "o *a"*h his !ie !i"h her sus3e*"e $o'er. U3on ur"her 3ro1ing, "he 3s5*hia"ris"is*o'ere "ha" "he hus1an?s @ea$ous s5%3"o%s s"ar"e shor"$5 a"er his !ie ha ah5s"ere*"o%5 o3era"ion, !hi*h resu$"e in a shar3 e*rease in her seua$ esire. The

e*$ine in her esire !his3ere in"o "he %an?s S"one Age 1rain "ha" she %igh" $ea'e "here$a"ionshi3, "riggering a %assi'e @ea$ous5 rea*"ion.

Differenes in Desira"ility

Measures o esira1i$i"5 on "he %a"ing %ar/e" are so%e"i%es *rue$5 "rans$a"e in"onu%1ers, as !hen a*"ress Bo Dere/ !as reerre "o as a + in "he %o'ie,; . An :%igh" "urn o!n a 9, 1u" in "urn %igh" 1e re1ue 15 a +. Ini'iua$s !ho ier inesira1i$i"5, ho!e'er, o so%e"i%es 1e*o%e *ou3$e. An !hen "he5 o, 3ro1$e%s *anensue. Moreo'er, no"hing re%ains s"a"i* o'er "i%e. An ini"ia$$5 eui"a1$e re$a"ionshi3 %a5"urn in"o one %ar/e 15 ga3ing ieren*es in esira1i$i"5.

Se'era$ a*"ors *ause ga3s in %a"e 'a$ue "o !ien o'er "i%e. 6onsier an ini"ia$$5 !e$$8%a"*he *ou3$e in "heir %i8s. The !o%an is in"e$$igen", 5oung, an a""ra*"i'e "he%an in"e$$igen", 5oung, an a" "he en"r5 s"age o a su**essu$ *areer. O'er "i%e, "he %an?s*areer soars. A$"hough "he5 1o"h age *hrono$ogi*a$$5 a" "he sa%e ra"e, aging so%e"i%es"a/es a grea"er "o$$ on "he !o%an?s a""ra*"i'eness in a %an?s e5es. Si%u$"aneous$5, "he%an?s e$e'a"e s"a"us o3ens u3 seua$ o33or"uni"ies 3re'ious$5 a1sen". The au$a"ion hee3erien*es 15 a""ra*"i'e 5oung !o%en s"ar"s "o *on"ras" shar3$5 !i"h "ha" o his aging





!i"h her hus1an?s sis"er, an "he "hree share near$5 a$$ o "heir $eisure "i%e "oge"her. Asshe a33roa*he J, ho!e'er, she e'e$o3e s"o%a*h 3ro1$e%s, an 1e*a%e o1sesse!i"h her hea$"h an aging. O'er "i%e, she 1egan "o resen" her gra5ing hair, her ai$inge5esigh", her !rin/$es, her age s3o"s. See%ing$5 ou" o "he 1$ue she e'e$o3e a"o!ering @ea$ous5 o her sis"er8in8$a!, an s"ar"e "o a**use eorge o ha'ing an aair

!i"h his sis"er. She s"ar"e "o ea'esro3 on "heir 3hone *on'ersa"ions, snoo3e "hrough$e""ers, ri$e "hrough "he hus1an?s 3o*/e"s, s"uie *rei" *ar re*ei3"s, sus3i*ious$5'ie!e an5 "i%e "he5 s3en" "oge"her, an 'igi$an"$5 %oni"ore a$$ o "heir a*"i'i"ies.

Os*ar 0i$e asser"e2 6urious "hing, 3$ain !o%en are a$!a5s @ea$ous o "heir hus1ans, 1eau"iu$ !o%en ne'er areC He !as 3ro1a1$5 !rong. I" is no" "he $e'e$ o 3h5si*a$a""ra*"i'eness 3er se, 1u" ra"her a i'ergen*e 1e"!een s3ouses in esira1i$i"5 "ha" "riggers @ea$ous5. A !o%an !ho is a 9 %arrie "o a %an !ho is a 9 shou$ 1e no %ore @ea$ous"han an : %arrie "o an :. In a*", "he "heor5 3rei*"s a *oun"erin"ui"i'e resu$" "ha"goes agains" Os*ar 0i$e?s 3ro*$a%a"ion a !o%an !ho is an : %arrie "o a %an !hois a + !i$$ 1e*o%e %ore @ea$ous "han her $ess a""ra*"i'e *oun"er3ar" !ho is a 9 1u"

!ho is eui"a1$5 %arrie "o a %an !ho is a 9.

In "he %e"ri* o 3er*ei'e a""ra*"i'eness, aging o"en "a/es a grea"er "o$$ on !o%en "hanon %en. This is es3e*ia$$5 "rue !hen "he hus1an e3erien*es 3roessiona$ su**ess, !hi*he$e'a"es his a""ra*"i'eness. As "hera3is" Mar5 See%an no"e in a re3or" on i'e !o%eniagnose !i"h 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous52 Be*ause o "he genera$ res3e*" !hi*h "hehus1ans e$i*i"e, "he5 !ere in rea$i"5 *ons"an"$5 e3ose "o %an5 5oung, a'ai$a1$ee%a$es. The !i'es? rea$is"i* o33or"uni"ies or a""ra*"ing %en o"her "han "heir hus1ans!ere ar e!er.

In "hese *ases, !hen ues"ione a1ou" "he seua$ an"asies "he5 ha as ao$es*en"s, a$$

i'e !o%en re3or"e !ha" "he au"hor es*ri1es as a 'arian" o "he ra3e 'irgin an"as5 as"heir %os" *o%%on %as"ur1a"ion a**o%3ani%en". 0hereas "he5 "he%se$'es ha 3$a5e"he heroine in "he an"as5 uring ao$es*en*e, "he5 !ere no! 3u""ing "he sus3e*"eri'a$ in"o "ha" ro$e. She "he ri'a$ !as seen as "he 5oung, resis"ing 'irgin, !i"h "hehus1an !ho *a@o$es her in"o su1%ission.

A$"hough ea*h o "he i'e !o%en in "his s"u5 !as iagnose as 3a"ho$ogi*a$$5 @ea$ous,ea*h o "he hus1ans ha re3or"e "o "he "hera3is" "ha" he e$" seua$ gui$", e'en i heha no" 1een unai"hu$. The hus1ans re3or"e in 3ri'a"e "ha" "he5 reuen"$5 ha seua$an"asies a1ou" 3re*ise$5 "he a*"s "heir !i'es a**use "he% o *o%%i""ing. The !i'eso"en guesse *orre*"$5 a1ou" "he !o%en "o !ho% "heir hus1ans !ere a""ra*"e. 0o%en,$i/e %en, see% sensi"i'e "o signa$s o rea$ "hrea"s o ee*"ion, e'en in *ases "ha" %a5 no"ha'e *u$%ina"e in seua$ in"er*ourse, a h53ersensi"i'i"5 e3$aine 15 Error Manage%en"Theor5. 0o%en?s an*es"ra$ !iso% has e*ree "ha" i" is %ore *os"$5 "o ai$ "o 3er*ei'ean i%3ening inie$i"5 "han "o sus3e*" inie$i"ies "ha" !on?" ha33en. These *ases a$so*a$$ in"o ues"ion "he $a1e$ O"he$$o s5nro%e, !hi*h so%e 3s5*hia"ris"s a""a*h "o @ea$ousini'iua$s. Man5 !o%en iagnose !i"h e$usiona$ @ea$ous5 are in a*" 3i*/ing u3 onau"hen"i* *ues, i on$5 in "heir hus1an?s rea$ a""ra*"ion "o o"her !o%en. As so%eone on*esai in a ieren" *on"e", 5ou?re no" 3aranoi i "he5?re rea$$5 a"er 5ou.



A$"hough "he iea o esira1i$i"5 ieren*es !iening "o "he isa'an"age o !o%en is 3ar" o o$/ !iso%, "he re'erse *an a$so o**ur. 6onsier a 3roessiona$ *ou3$e, 1o"ha%1i"ious an e'o"e "o "heir *areers. The !o%an?s *areer "a/es o, an her in*o%es"ar"s "o e*ee her hus1an?s. As she ge"s 3ro%o"ions, 1onuses, an s"a"us ro% !or/,her hus1an?s *areer s"ar"s "o $anguish. He 1e*o%es e3resse she 1e*o%es issa"isie.

O'er "i%e, his a""ra*"i'eness "o o"her !o%en $anguishes a$ong !i"h his *areer ai$ures.Si%u$"aneous$5, she e'e$o3s se$8*onien*e an 'er'e, an s"ar"s "o raia"e a ne!8ouna""ra*"i'eness. Men 1egin "o no"i*e her, an a$"hough so%e 1e*o%e in"i%ia"e 15 hersu**ess, high8s"a"us *onien" %en are "urne on an in her raian". 0hen she *o%esho%e a"er a a5 o $ourishing su**esses, she en*oun"ers a our hus1an !ho has s"ar"e"o rin/ "o ro!n his anguish. A *has% in esira1i$i"5 has o3ene "ha" sho!s no signs o*$osing an she 1egins "o no"i*e o"her %en.

Ano"her *hange in esira1i$i"5 a'oring !o%en *en"ers on hea$"h. 0o%en $i'e $onger"han %en. A" an ear$ier age %en *on"ra*" a !ie 'arie"5 o i$$ness, ro% *an*er "o hear"isease. A %arrie *ou3$e ini"ia$$5 !e$$ %a"*he *an suen$5 e3erien*e a ga3 !hen "he

%an a$$s i$$s sin*e hea$"h is an i%3or"an" *o%3onen" o %a"e 'a$ue. 0hen "he i$$ness*auses "he %an "o 1e house81oun, !i"h his !ie ree "o 'en"ure in"o "he !or$, @ea$ous5an ears o ee*"ion *an o$$o!.

A$"hough s5s"e%a"i* $arge8s*a$e s"uies o i$$ness an @ea$ous5 ha'e no" 5e" 1een*onu*"e, one s"u5 ea%ine se'en *ases o e$usiona$ @ea$ous5 $in/e !i"h ai$inghea$"h. In one *ase, a <<85ear8o$ %an ha e'e$o3e a se'ere *ase o os"eoar"hri"is,!hi*h $e" hi% house81oun. His !ie !as eigh" 5ears his @unior, in ro1us" goo hea$"h,an "he5 ha 1een %arrie or J+ 5ears. A$"hough "heir %arriage ha 1een genera$$5har%onious, i" "oo/ a se'ere "urn !hen he e'e$o3e his isease. He 1egan "o $oo/ %u*ho$er an *onsiera1$5 %ore rai$ "han his !ie, *rea"ing a ieren*e in esira1i$i"5 !here

none 3re'ious$5 eis"e. He s"ar"e ues"ioning her in"ense$5 !hene'er she $e" "he house.He a**use her o ha'ing an aair !i"h a "ai ri'er, an "hese a**usa"ions !erein*reasing$5 a**o%3anie 15 "hrea"s o 'io$en*e. The 3s5*hia"ris" e"er%ine "ha" "he%an !as *ogni"i'e$5 in"a*" in e'er5 !a5, o"her "han his e$usions a1ou" his !ie?sinie$i"5.

Ano"her *ase in'o$'es a %an, age <-, !hose e$usions a1ou" his !ie?s inie$i"5 s"ar"e!hen he e'e$o3e Par/inson?s isease, !hi*h $e" hi% *oo3e u3 a" ho%e. His e$usions!ere so e"re%e "he5 resu$"e in 'isua$ ha$$u*ina"ions in !hi*h he $i"era$$5 i%agine "ha"he !as !i"nessing his !ie ha'ing seua$ in"er*ourse !i"h o"her %en. He ues"ione her!hene'er she !as a1ou" "o $ea'e "he house, an a**use her o 1eing a 3ros"i"u"e. Prior "oPar/inson?s isease, he !as a su**essu$ 1u"*her, an !as es*ri1e 15 o"hers as a !e$$8%annere, *our"eous, *har%ing %an. A"er his Par/inson?s, he age in a33earan*eno"i*ea1$5, $oo/ing a u$$ genera"ion o$er "han his !ie. A$"hough his 1asi* *ogni"i'eun*"ions !ere $arge$5 in"a*", !i"h on$5 %inor shor"8"er% %e%or5 3ro1$e%s, hisha$$u*ina"ions an e$usions gre! !orse o'er "i%e. An ini"ia$$5 !e$$8%a"*he *ou3$e, "hehus1an?s ai$ing hea$"h ha *rea"e a *on"ras" in esira1i$i"5.



A ina$ *ase i$$us"ra"es "he %oern %anies"a"ions o "his an*ien" @ea$ous5 "rigger. The%an !as an :-85ear8o$, !ho ha 1een %arrie or ;- 5ears "o a !o%an !ho !as eigh"5ears 5ounger. Their %arriage ha 1een har%onious un"i$ he ha a *aria* 3a*e%a/erinser"e, !hi*h *ause his a*"i'i"ies "o 1e res"ri*"e %os"$5 "o his house. He 1egan "o $oo/%u*h o$er "han his !ie, !ho 1ri%%e !i"h ro1us" hea$"h. He 1egan "o harass his !ie

!i"h a**usa"ions o inie$i"5 an asser"e "ha" her sho33ing "ri3s !ere rea$$5 se*re"$iaisons !i"h her $o'er. He ha$$u*ina"e seeing her in 1e !i"h o"her %en an 1e$ie'e"ha" she enie her inie$i"ies in orer "o %a/e hi% a33ear "o 1e %en"a$$5 in*o%3e"en".O"her "han "he 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5 an i"s asso*ia"e s5%3"o%s, ho!e'er, "he 3s5*hia"ris" *ou$ in no %en"a$ e"eriora"ion o"her "han %inor 3ro1$e%s !i"h shor"8"er%%e%or5.

The a*" "ha" %en?s hea$"h ai$s, on a'erage, su1s"an"ia$$5 sooner "han !o%en?s *rea"esesira1i$i"5 ieren*es !here none 3re'ious$5 eis"e. In an*es"ra$ "i%es, a %an?s agingan i$$ hea$"h !ou$ in a*" $o!er his 'a$ue "o his !ie, sin*e hea$"h is a /e5 *o%3onen" o%a"e 'a$ue, ran/ing i"h in %5 *ross8*u$"ures s"uies. As his ea"h 1egins "o $oo%, i"

!ou$ %a/e aa3"i'e sense or a !o%en "o 1egin see/ing an a$"erna"i'e %a"e, or a" $eas" 1egin "o $a5 "he groun!or/ or i".

Marriage 'o!s reuen"$5 i*"a"e re%aining !i"h a 3ar"ner in si*/ness an in hea$"han or ri*her or or 3oorer. Si*/ness an 3o'er"5 are sing$e ou" or s3e*ia$ 3re*au"ionin %arriage 'o!s 1e*ause "he5 are /e5 *oni"ions "ha" *ause a 3erson?s esira1i$i"5 as a%a"e "o 3$u%%e", "riggering inie$i"5 or i'or*e. Gea$ous5 has e'o$'e "o een agains"su*h ee*"ions, e'en "hough, $i/e a$$ eenses, i" on$5 !or/s so%e o "he "i%e.

Those !ho are $o!er in esira1i$i"5 are %ore 'u$nera1$e "o ge""ing un*ere%onious$5u%3e. The 3erson higher in %a"e 'a$ue *o%es "o ee$ uner81enei"e in "he

re$a"ionshi3, sensing "ha" "here eis" 1e""er 3ossi1i$i"ies e$se!here. Peo3$e a*" on "heseee$ings. In a s"u5 o , 3eo3$e, "hose !ho e'a$ua"e "heir 3ar"nershi3s as1a$an*e, in "he sense o rough$5 eua$ in in'es"%en"s an re!ars, ha signii*an"$5e!er e"ra%ari"a$ aairs "han "hose !ho sa! "heir re$a"ionshi3 as un1a$an*e. The 3eo3$e !ho 1e$ie'e "ha" "he5 !ere su3erior in so%e !a5 "o "heir 3ar"ner e$" "ha" "he5!ere un$u*/5 in %arriage, an *onseuen"$5 e$" @us"iie in ha'ing aairs sooner an%ore reuen"$5 "han "hose !ho e$" $u*/5 in %arriage.

These *ir*u%s"an*es "rigger @ea$ous5 in "he $ess esira1$e 3ar"ner. Si%u$"aneous$5, "he%ore a""ra*"i'e 3ar"ner 1e*o%es $ess @ea$ous, /no!ing "ha" 1e""er o33or"uni"ies are righ"aroun "he *orner. The $ess a""ra*"i'e 3ar"ner, in *on"ras", ee$s $u*/5 "o ho$ on "o "he*urren" one.

Ho! !ou$ 5ou res3on "o "he o$$o!ing ues"ion2 0ho s3ens %ore "i%e an energ5%ain"aining 5our re$a"ionshi3 This is one i"e% on "he Re$a"i'e Eor" S*a$e, !hi*h%easures !ho is %ore *o%%i""e "o "he re$a"ionshi3. The %ore *o%%i""e 3ar"ner isgenera$$5 $ess esira1$e. S"uies sho! "ha" "he $ess esira1$e 3ar"ner 1e*o%es %ore @ea$ous.



In one s"u5 o %arrie *ou3$es, ar5 Hansen o "he Uni'ersi"5 o Sou"hernMississi33i %easure 3er*ei'e %ari"a$ a$"erna"i'es. Par"i*i3an"s !ere as/e "o i%agine"ha" "heir s3ouse !ou$ $ea'e "he% o'er "he *ourse o "he ne" 5ear. Then "he5 !ere as/e"o es"i%a"e "he $i/e$ihoo "ha" "he5 !ou$ 1e a1$e "o re3$a*e "heir 3ar"ner !i"h so%eone!ho !as as esira1$e. The res3onse o i#possi0le (ini*a"ing "he e!es" %ari"a$

a$"erna"i'es& !as s*ore a +, !hereas "he res3onse o certain (ini*a"ing "he grea"es"%ari"a$ a$"erna"i'es& !as s*ore a ;.

Hansen "hen %easure @ea$ous5 "hrough res3onses "o a series o h53o"he"i*a$ s*enarios o 3o"en"ia$ 3ar"ner ee*"ion. Here are "!o s*enarios use, "he irs" 3ure$5 seua$ an "hese*on 1o"h seua$ an e%o"iona$2

S*enario +2 Your %a"e re"urns ro% a 1usiness "ri3 "o a ieren" *i"5 an inor%s 5ou"ha" he4she %e" a %e%1er o "he o33osi"e se "ha" he4she oun 'er5 3h5si*a$$5 a""ra*"i'e.The5 ene u3 engaging in seua$ re$a"ions. Your %a"e inor%s 5ou "ha" "heir re$a"ionshi3!as 3ure$5 3h5si*a$ (no" e%o"iona$& an "ha" "he5 !i$$ ne'er 1e seeing ea*h o"her again.

S*enario 2 Your %a"e has e'e$o3e an ongoing e%o"iona$ an seua$ re$a"ionshi3 !i"ha %e%1er o "he o33osi"e se. Your %a"e re*ei'es a high egree o sa"isa*"ion ro% "hisre$a"ionshi3 an 3$ans "o *on"inue i". Bo"h 5ou an 5our %a"e ha'e 1een ha335 an 3$ease !i"h 5our o!n re$a"ionshi3. Your %a"e 'ie!s his4her ou"sie re$a"ionshi3 as asu33$e%en" "o, no" a su1s"i"u"e or, "he re$a"ionshi3 1e"!een "he "!o o 5ou.

Par"i*i3an"s re*ore ho! "he5 !ou$ ee$ on a s*a$e ranging ro%extre#ely pleased

"oextre#ely distur0ed or 0othered . Hansen "hen ana$5e !ha" 3rei*"e "hese @ea$ousrea*"ions, s*ru"iniing 3ersona$i"5 'aria1$es su*h as se$8es"ee%, "rus", %ari"a$ a@us"%en",an 3er*ei'e o3"ions or re3$a*e%en" %a"es. Those !ho 3er*ei'e e!er %ari"a$

a$"erna"i'es an %ore ii*u$"5 in re3$a*ing "heir 3ar"ner !i"h so%eone as esira1$e as"heir *urren" 3ar"ner !ere su1s"an"ia$$5 %ore is"ur1e 15 i%agining ea*h o "he inie$i"5s*enarios. Par"ners $o!er in esira1i$i"5, in shor", are %ore easi$5 "hrea"ene an %ore @ea$ous.

Sho1ing Disoveries

Ao$es*en*e is o"en o'er$oo/e as a *ri"i*a$ "i%e in hu%an 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ e'e$o3%en".I"?s "he "i%e !hen hor%ones rage, *o%3e"i"ion or %a"es *o%%en*es, an "he irs" ha$"ings"e3s "o!ar ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s 1egin. So i"?s no" sur3rising "ha" e'en"s inao$es*en*e $oo% is3ro3or"iona"e$5 $arge in 3eo3$e?s %e%ories. A'ri$ Thorne o "he

Uni'ersi"5 o 6a$iornia a" San"a 6ru as/e a sa%3$e o au$"s "o es*ri1e "he %os" 'i'i%e%or5 ro% "heir 3as" an "o re*or ho! o$ "he5 !ere !hen "he e'en"s o**urre. Theo'er!he$%ing %a@ori"5 o 'i'i %e%ories o**urre 1e"!een ages + an . Peo3$ene'er see% "o orge" "heir high s*hoo$ a"h$e"i* su**ess !hen "he *ro! roare, "heir"eenage 1a*/8sea" u%1$ings, or "heir irs" $o'e. Ao$es*en*e is "he "i%e !hen !e*r5s"a$$ie i%ages o ourse$'es an or% i%3ressions o "he o33osi"e se.



Se'era$ re3or"s sugges" "ha" sho*/ing is*o'eries o a 3aren"a$ inie$i"5 uringao$es*en*e *an heigh"en @ea$ous5 in au$"hoo. In "he %os" e"ai$e s"u5, 3s5*hia"ris"sGohn Do*her"5 an Gean E$$is es*ri1e "hree *ou3$es !ho *a%e "o "hera35 *o%3$aininga1ou" "he hus1an?s 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5. In ea*h o "hese *ases, "he hus1an haa**ien"a$$5 !i"nesse uring ao$es*en*e his %o"her ha'ing se !i"h a %an o"her "han

her hus1an.

In "he irs" *ase, "he hus1an !as ;< an "he !ie ;+ !hen "he5 *a%e or "hera35. The*ou3$e ha 1een %arrie or %ore "han "!o e*aes an ha "hree 1eau"iu$ *hi$ren.A$"hough "he !ie ha an a*"i'e an re!aring so*ia$ $ie ou"sie "he ho%e, she oun"ha" $ie !i"h her hus1an ha "urne in"o a nigh"%are. Her hus1an?s @ea$ous5 s"ar"eshor"$5 a"er "he5 !ere %arrie an in"ensiie uring her irs" 3regnan*5. For "his anea*h o "he "!o su1seuen" 3regnan*ies, "he hus1an 1e*a%e *on'in*e "ha" "he*on*ei'e *hi$ !as no" his o!n. He s"ar"e %oni"oring his !ie?s 3hone *a$$s, ri$e"hrough her 3urse, an 1era"e her !i"h a**usa"ions un"i$ she /ne$" a" his ee" an 3$eae!i"h hi% "o 1e$ie'e her inno*en*e. A"er!ar he !ou$ a3o$ogie an 1eg her no" "o 1e

angr5 !i"h hi%. Bu" @us" as suen$5, "he @ea$ous5 !ou$ re"urn !i"h a 'engean*e a" so%e 3er*ei'e $ir"a"ion, so%e"hing as see%ing$5 "ri'ia$ as a rien$5 s%i$e "o a neigh1or. The 1a*/ s"or5 "o "his *ase is "ha" !hen "he %an !as +, he ha re"urne ho%e ro% s*hoo$une3e*"e$5 an oun his %o"her in 1e !i"h a s"range %an. A$"hough he ne'erre'ea$e "o his a"her !ha" he ha !i"nesse, he rage insie a1ou" his %o"her?s 1e"ra5a$,es3e*ia$$5 !hen his 3aren"s ough" 'io$en"$5 a1ou" "he %o"her?s sus3e*"e inie$i"ies. B5"he "i%e he rea*he au$"hoo, he ha *on*$ue "ha" !o%en *ou$ no" 1e "rus"easen"i%en" "ha" ri33e a3ar" his %arriage.

The se*on *ase in'o$'e a -985ear8o$ %an an a -+85ear8o$ !o%an, %arrie or "!o5ears !hen "he5 arri'e or "hera35. A$"hough "here !as no hin" o @ea$ous5 uring "heir

*our"shi3, "he e%ons e%erge u$$81$o!n a"er "he %arriage. The !ie $earne "o a'oiin"era*"ing !i"h o"her %en in orer "o 3re'en" her hus1an?s rages. He e%ane "ha" shere%ain g$ue "o his sie uring 3ar"ies. He or1ae her "o so*ia$ie !i"h %en, insis"e on/no!ing her !herea1ou"s a" a$$ "i%es, an in"erroga"e her ai$5. An5 une3e*"e *hangein her rou"ine "riggere a @ea$ous rage an a hea'5 1ou" o rin/ing. This hus1an?s se*re"!as "ha" in his "een 5ears, his %o"her reuen"e a $o*a$ "a'ern, an he on*e *a%e ho%eune3e*"e$5 an oun her na/e in 1e !i"h one o "he %en ro% "he "a'ern. He i no"is*$ose "his inor%a"ion "o his a"her, 1u" "he i%age ha haun"e hi% sin*e.

As in %an5 o"her *ases re3or"e in "his *ha3"er, no" a$$ 3eo3$e $a1e$e as 3a"ho$ogi*a$$5 @ea$ous are "ru$5 e$usiona$. 6onsier "he *ase o a %an !ho re3or"e "ha" his %o"herha ha %an5 aairs, one o !hi*h he is*o'ere irs"han. 0hen he re"urne ho%ero% running a sho33ing erran or his %o"her, he oun her ha'ing se !i"h his a"her?s 1es" rien. He han?" re'ea$e "his "rau%a"i* e'en" "o an5one un"i$ he %en"ione i" "o his"hera3is". The *ou3$e ha *o%e "o "hera35, as "he o"her "!o *ou3$es ha, "o ea$ !i"h "hehus1an?s 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5. His @ea$ous5 1egan !hen his !ie s"ar"e !or/ing ou", @oine a !eigh"8reu*"ion 3rogra%, 1egan "o ress %ore g$a%orous$5, an s"are $oo/ing%ore a""ra*"i'e. S"range$5, he $e" her go on a 'a*a"ion "o F$oria !i"h his 1es" rien.0hen "he5 re"urne, his rien inor%e hi% "ha" "he5 ha ha se. A$"hough "he hus1an



sai no"hing "o his 1es" rien, he 1egan "o 1era"e his !ie, is*onne*"e her "e$e3hone,"oo/ a!a5 her *ar, an a**use her o ha'ing ha %an5 aairs. His @ea$ous5 es"ro5e"heir %arriage.

A$"hough "he sa%3$e o "his s"u5 is s%a$$ an *on*$usions %us" 1e "en"a"i'e, i" is

reasona1$e "o 3ro3ose "ha" "he ear$5 ao$es*en" "rau%a o !i"nessing a 3aren"?s inie$i"5e'o/e a h53era*"i'a"ion o seua$ @ea$ous5. Ea*h %an ha e'e$o3e a heigh"enesensi"i'i"5 "o sus3e*"ing inie$i"5, @us" as 3eo3$e !i"h ear$5 "rau%as in'o$'ing sna/es oro3en 3$a*es e'e$o3 s3e*ii* 3ho1ias.

So%e"i%es "hese sho*/ing is*o'eries ha33en in au$"hoo. In one *ase, a %an sho!ea1so$u"e$5 no ini*a"ions o @ea$ous5 in his irs" %arriage. His irs" !ie, ho!e'er,i'or*e hi% or ano"her %an, an her e3ar"ure *a%e as a "o"a$ sho*/ "o hi%. He 1e*a%e%orose an se'ere$5 e3resse or si %on"hs. E'en"ua$$5 he re"urne "o nor%a$ an si5ears $a"er re%arrie. His se*on !ie ha33ene "o 1e "he 5ounger sis"er o his e8!ie.During "his se*on %arriage he 1e*a%e in*reasing$5 sus3i*ious. His se*on %arriage

ene in "rage5. 0hi$e a" a 3ar"5, his !ie 1egan an*ing !i"h ano"her %an. 0hen heas/e her "o s"o3, she reuse, an he s"a11e her "o ea"h.

Au$" sensi"i'i"ies e'e$o3 in !o%en as !e$$. One ;=85ear8o$ !o%an *a%e "o a 3s5*hia"ris" *o%3$aining o her hus1an?s a$$ege inie$i"ies. She ha $e" hi% "!o 5earsear$ier 1e*ause he !as unai"hu$, 1u" re"urne ho%e or "he sa/e o %5 1o5. Soon a"erher re"urn, she 1e*a%e *rae !i"h "hough"s "ha" her hus1an !as ha'ing se !i"h anu%1er o o"her !o%en. She sear*he "he ire3$a*e or 1urne $e""ers, o$$o!e herhus1an surre3"i"ious$5 !hen he !en" ou", an s3ie on hi% ro% a is"an*e. Sheins3e*"e his uner3an"s or e'ien*e, 1u" ai$e "o in an5. The hus1an a%i""e "o "he"hera3is" "ha" he inee ha ha an aair "ha" origina$$5 $e "o his !ie?s e3ar"ure, 1u" he

'ehe%en"$5 insis"e on his ie$i"5 e'er sin*e. A$"hough "he !ie?s @ea$ous5 !ases"ro5ing "heir reunion, she a%i""e "ha" she ha no" 5e" oun a sing$e s*ra3 oe'ien*e "ha" her sus3i*ions !ere 'a$i.

I "hese *ases are an5 ini*a"ion, "he sho*/ing is*o'er5 o inie$i"5 *an sensi"ie a 3erson "o su1"$e signs o inie$i"5. I" is no" "oo grea" a $ea3 "o sugges" "ha" 3riore3erien*e !i"h inie$i"5ei"her 15 a 3aren" or s3ouse$eas "o a h53era*"i'a"ion o"his an*ien" *o3ing %e*hanis%.

Sym"ioti !athology

One ina$ *o%3$ei"5 %us" 1e ae "o *on*$ue "he is*ussion o "he see%ing$5 3a"ho$ogi*a$ as3e*"s o @ea$ous5a *o%3$ei"5 "ha" *anno" 1e uners"oo !i"hou"'ie!ing @ea$ous5 as a una%en"a$$5 aa3"i'e %e*hanis%. So%e *ou3$es e'e$o3s5%1io"i* 3a"ho$ogies "ha" are 3re*arious$5 3oise in a e$i*a"e 1a$an*e. The in"ensi"5 o a%an?s @ea$ous5, a%ong o"her "hings, *on'e5s inor%a"ion "o "he !o%an a1ou" "he s"reng"ho his *o%%i"%en" an "he e3"h o his $o'e ("o3i*s !e e3$ore in "he ina$ *ha3"ers&. A""he sa%e "i%e, "he @ea$ous %an a""e%3"s "o seues"er his %a"e an *u" o hero33or"uni"ies "o %ee" o"her %en. An in"ense$5 guare !o%an %a5 ee$ $o'e, 1u"



none"he$ess *$aus"ro3ho1i*a$$5 he%%e in 15 her hus1an?s 3ossessi'eness. A !o%an!hose hus1an ai$s "o is3$a5 an5 @ea$ous5 %a5 ee$ ree "o o as she 3$eases, 1u" %a5si%u$"aneous$5 ee$ un$o'e. This e$i*a"e 1a$an*e so%e"i%es $eas "o !ha" e3er"s *a$$s5%1io"i* 3a"ho$og5.

Agora3ho1ia is an anie"5 isorer resu$"ing in a ear o 3$a*es !here es*a3e %igh" 1eii*u$" or he$3 no" a'ai$a1$e. I" is %ore 3re'a$en" in !o%en "han in %en. A *o%%on%anies"a"ion is a ear o o3en s3a*es or 3u1$i* 3$a*es. Agora3ho1i*s o"en a'oi 1eingou"sie "he ho%e a$one, 3ani* !hen in a *ro! or s"aning in $ine, shun 1riges an o3enie$s, an ear "ra'e$ing on 1uses or "rains. In e"re%e or%s, agora3ho1ia 1e*o%es soe1i$i"a"ing "ha" "he a$i*"e 3erson reuses "o $ea'e ho%e a" a$$.

One *oun"erin"ui"i'e iea is "ha" !o%en?s agora3ho1ia an %en?s seua$ @ea$ous5so%e"i%es *oeis" in a e$i*a"e 1a$an*e. 0hen a !o%an ears going ou", she s"a5s a"ho%e, *ausing "he hus1an?s @ea$ous5 "o su1sie. I her agora3ho1ia ge"s *ure an shes"ar"s going ou" a$one, her hus1an?s @ea$ous5 %a5 %ushroo%, res3oning "o "he rea$is"i*

"hrea" "ha" she !i$$ ha'e in*rease o33or"uni"ies "o %ee" o"her %en. One s"u5 o -9agora3ho1i* !o%en e3$ore "his s5%1iosis. Se'en o "hese !o%en ha hus1ans !hois3$a5e a1nor%a$ @ea$ous5. In ea*h *ase, as "he !o%en i%3ro'e !i"h "rea"%en",ge""ing re$ie ro% agora3ho1i* s5%3"o%s, "he hus1an?s @ea$ous5 in*rease. Prei*"a1$5,!hen a !o%an sho!e a re$a3se, re"urning "o her or%er agora3ho1i* s"a"e, "hehus1an?s @ea$ous5 su1sie.

Gane, a -:85ear8o$ !o%an, irs" e3erien*e agora3ho1ia shor"$5 a"er %ee"ing herhus1an. Her 3ani* an ear o going ou" o "he house 1e*a%e so e1i$i"a"ing "ha" she !asor*e "o ui" her @o1. A"er "rea"%en" or agora3ho1ia, she 1e*a%e a$%os" "o"a$$5 *urean e$" "he reeo% o 'en"uring ou"sie o her ho%e. Four %on"hs a"er her re$ie ro%

s5%3"o%s, Gane *a%e "o "he "hera3is" is"raugh" an e*$are "ha" her hus1an haa""e%3"e "o /i$$ hi%se$. His @ea$ous5 ha 1e*o%e a %ons"er. He in"erroga"e her $i/e a 3risoner o !ar an a**use her o inie$i"5 !hene'er she !en" ou" a$one. Argu%en"san a**usa"ions *on"inue un"i$ she 1e*a%e agora3ho1i* again. She re'er"e ro% her*ure s"a"e1eing a1$e "o "ra'e$ a$one or "he irs" "i%e in 5ears"o her ear$5 se$8seues"ra"ion. On$5 a"er her agora3ho1ia re"urne an she again 1e*a%e "erriie o$ea'ing her house i "he hus1an?s a**usa"ions su1sie. The hus1an enie 1einga1nor%a$$5 @ea$ous. Ins"ea, he a""ri1u"e his is"ress "o "he a*" "ha" his !ie no $ongerneee hi% a"er her re*o'er5. She !as no $onger e3enen" on hi%, %a/ing hi% ee$use$ess, inerior, an inaeua"e. 0hen "he "hera3is" re*on"a*"e "he *ou3$e a 5ear $a"eror o$$o!8u3, "he %arriage re%aine un*hange an Gane *on"inue "o suer ro%agora3ho1ia. Their s5%1io"i* 3a"ho$og5 re%aine a *5*$e "he5 *ou$ no" 1rea/.

Ano"her *ase o s5%1io"i* 3a"ho$og5 in'o$'e a !o%an !ho in"er3re"e her hus1an?s @ea$ous5 as a sign o his $o'e, %an$iness, an seua$ a""ra*"ion "o her. The "rou1$e s"ar"e!hen he en"ere "hera35 "o reu*e his ee$ings o @ea$ous5. He "o$ "he "hera3is" "ha" !henhe 1e*a%e @ea$ous, he 1e*a%e h53erseua$ !i"h his !ie "o ensure "ha" she re%aineseua$$5 sa"isie. On$5 15 /ee3ing her seua$$5 sa"e, he e$", *ou$ he 3re'en" her ro%see/ing gra"ii*a"ion e$se!here. The !ie enie an5 inie$i"5, es3i"e her hus1an?s



sus3i*ions. The "hera3is" a%inis"ere %ei*a"ion, !hi*h $essene "he %an?s @ea$ous5. Ashis @ea$ous5 re*ee, ho!e'er, his !ie e'e$o3e $ori agi"a"ion, $oose asso*ia"ions,*ogni"i'e in*oheren*e, an s"ar"e "o *o%3$ain "ha" her hus1an !as no" a 3ro3er %anan !as @us" $i/e a $i""$e 1o5. As he go" 1e""er, she go" !orse e*$aring "ha" her hus1ani no" in her seua$$5 in"eres"ing an5 %ore.

A" "his 3oin" in "he "hera35, "he !ie s"ar"e "o a**use hi% o ha'ing an aair !i"h his 1ro"her?s !ie. She s!ore "ha" she *ou$ e"e*" ero"i* %essages 3ass 1e"!een "he%"hrough e5e *on"a*" an 1o5 signa$s. One %orning, she e$" %ois"ure on his 3enis, ana**use hi% o a *$anes"ine en*oun"er !i"h his $o'er in "he %i$e o "he nigh" !hi$e shes$e3". E'en"ua$$5, she *on'in*e hi% "o s"o3 "a/ing his %ei*a"ion. Shor"$5 "herea"er, his @ea$ous5 1egan "o $are again an he resu%e his a**usa"ions o inie$i"5. A3ar" ro% his @ea$ous5, ho!e'er, "he "hera3is" no"i*e no o"her s5%3"o%s or 3s5*hia"ri* 3ro1$e%s. Ono$$o!8u3, "he %arriage ha re"urne "o i"s origina$ s5%1io"i* s"a"e, !i"h "he hus1ane"re%e$5 @ea$ous an "he !ie ha335.

The hus1an?s @ea$ous5, a$"hough i" "rou1$e hi% enough "o see/ "hera35, he$3e "he%arriage 15 %a/ing his !ie ee$ $o'e an seua$$5 sa"isie. 0hen "he @ea$ous5su1sie, she e'e$o3e 3ro1$e%s, an !hen i" re"urne, her 3ro1$e%s isa33eare. >i/e"he agora3ho1i* !o%en an "heir @ea$ous hus1ans, "his *ou3$e $i'e in a e$i*a"es5%1io"i* 1a$an*e "ha" %ore or $ess !or/e or "he%.

The !athology of #ealousy

6ou3$es see/ "hera35 !hen "heir %arriages 1e*o%e *on$i*"8rien or in"o$era1$e.A**oring "o Shir$e5 $ass, one o "he !or$?s $eaing e3er"s on inie$i"5, @ea$ous5 aninie$i"5 are a%ong "he %os" *o%%on *ore 3ro1$e%s o *ou3$es see/ing "rea"%en".

Thera3is"s !ho $a*/ an uners"aning o aa3"i'e un*"ions o @ea$ous5 run "he ris/ o"rea"ing "he eense !hi$e ignoring "he 3ro1$e%s "he eense is esigne "o *o%1a". Asno"e ear$ier, %an5 %en an !o%en iagnose as 3a"ho$ogi*a$$5 @ea$ous "urn ou" "oha'e 3ar"ners !ho are ha'ing aairs, ha'e ha "he% in "he 3as", or are "hin/ing a1ou"ha'ing "he%.

In "his *ha3"er, I ha'e 3ro3ose "ha" o'er e'o$u"ionar5 "i%e i" !as %ore *os"$5 "o fail "oe"e*" an inie$i"5 "ha" i o**ur "han "o err in "he o"her ire*"ion o 1eing o'er$5sus3i*iousan a33$i*a"ion o Error Manage%en" Theor5. This argu%en" oes no" en5"ha" @ea$ous5 *an 1e 3a"ho$ogi*a$. So%e"i%es i" is, as !hen a hus1an has 'isua$ha$$u*ina"ions "ha" his !ie is ha'ing se !i"h ano"her %an righ" in ron" o hi%. E'en in

"hese 3a"ho$ogi*a$ *ases, ho!e'er, !e o"en in "ha" @ea$ous5 is res3oning "o rea$signs o 3o"en"ia$ inie$i"5*ues su*h as ere*"i$e 5sun*"ion, ina1i$i"5 "o seua$$5sa"is5, or a !iening ieren*e 1e"!een "he 3ar"ners in esira1i$i"5.

This ana$5sis, o *ourse, oes no" en5 "ha" @ea$ous5 *an 1e es"ru*"i'e. To "he *on"rar5,"here %a5 1e no 3assion in hu%ans "ha" ri'a$s @ea$ous5 in "he ou"3ouring o 'io$en*e i"*rea"es, a "o3i* "o !hi*h !e no! "urn.



CHAPTER 5

I I 6an?" Ha'e Her, #o1o5 6an

Has an5one *oun"e "he 'i*"i%s o @ea$ous5 Dai$5 a re'o$'er *ra*/s so%e!here or o"her 1e*ause o @ea$ous5 ai$5 a /nie ins en"ran*e in"o a !ar% 1o5 ai$5 so%e unha335ones, ra*/e 15 @ea$ous5 an $ie !ear5, sin/ in"o a"ho%$ess e3"hs. 0ha" are a$$ "hehieous 1a""$es, narra"e 15 his"or5, !hen *o%3are "o "his righ"u$ 3assion @ea$ous5

*Wilhel# Stekel% ,-<,%The De3"hs o "he Sou$

I #T "E + E=STIN $ =N 15 E%i$e Lo$a, "he %ain *hara*"er, na%e Rou1an, ues"ions his

!ie a1ou" his sus3i*ions2 6oness,? he re3ea"e, 5ou i s$ee3 !i"h hi%? . . . he/no*/e her o!n, gra11e her hair an 15 i" he$ her "o "he $oor.

6oness. You s$e3" !i"h hi%. 6oness 5ou s$e3" !i"h hi% o a%n 5ou,? he *rie, or

I?$$ /nie 5ouC? She *ou$ see %urer 3$ain on his a*e . . . Fear o'er*a%e her she*a3i"u$a"e @us" "o en i" a$$. A$$ righ" "hen, 5es, i"?s "rue. #o! $e" %e go.? A"er "ha" i"!as righ"u$. The a%ission !hi*h he ha so sa'age$5 e"ra*"e !as a ire*" 1o5 1$o! .. . He seie her hea an 1ange i" agains" "he "a1$e.

This e3isoe is 3ure i*"ion. E'en"s $i/e i", ho!e'er, o**ur ai$5 15 "he "housans!or$!ie. Here are a e! rea$8$ie ea%3$es o 'io$en*e "riggere 15 seua$ @ea$ous5.

The irs" *ase is "o$ 15 a !o%an, age +=, !hose hus1an s"ar"e 1ea"ing her shor"$5 a"er"he5 go" %arrie2 Ti% her hus1an is rea$$5 @ea$ous. I re%e%1er on*e !hen !e !ere a"%5 gir$rien?s house. I ha "o use "he 1a"hroo%. The 1a"hroo% is u3s"airs. 0e$$, %5

gir$rien?s 1ro"her?s roo% is ne" "o "he 1a"hroo%. I s"oo in ron" o his oor an "a$/e"o hi% or a %inu"e on %5 !a5 1a*/ o!ns"airs. 0hen I go" "o "he s"airs Ti% !as !ai"ingor %e. He *a$$e %e a !hore an a "ease an s$ugge %e on "he sie o %5 hea. I e$$o!n "he s"airs. I *an?" 1$a%e Ti%, "hough. I guess I shou$n?" ha'e "a$/e "o %5gir$rien?s 1ro"her. I %ean, I /no! Ti%?s rea$ @ea$ous.

In a se*on *ase, "he !ie, *onron"e !i"h 5e" ano"her roun o a**usa"ions an *ross8ues"ioning a1ou" a 1o5rien she ha 1eore %arriage an !i"h !ho% she ha a *hi$,



res3one "ha" a" $eas" her 3re'ious $o'er ha 1een %an enough "o ge" her 3regnan". This"ou*he on "he hus1an?s ears a1ou" his 3o"en*5 an er"i$i"5, an "riggere a uriousassau$".

0e "53i*a$$5 "hin/ o @ea$ous 'io$en*e as 1eing %ain$5 3er3e"ra"e 15 %en, 1u" @ea$ous5

3ro'o/es 'io$en*e in !o%en as !e$$, as "he o$$o!ing *ase i$$us"ra"es2 A $a5 sa! a!o%an in "he s"ree" !ho% she 1e$ie'e (3ro1a1$5 *orre*"$5& !as ha'ing an aair !i"hher hus1an. She a""e%3"e "o !a$/ on 15, ignoring "he o"her !o%an ho!e'er, as she 3asse her, she no"i*e !ha" she "oo/ "o 1e a $oo/ o se$8sa"isa*"ion on her a*e. This 3ro'o/e a suen surge o anger, an she "urne an gra11e "he !o%an?s *oa". Ho$ingher ir%$5 15 "he *o$$ar, she !arne "he !o%an "o /ee3 a!a5 ro% her hus1an. Ingri33ing ho$ o "he !o%an?s *$o"hing, she so%eho! *ause a egree o *ons"ri*"ionaroun "he !o%an?s "hroa", !ho 1egan "o %a/e *ho/ing noises, 3resu%a1$5 in an a""e%3""o 1rea"he agains" "he *ons"ri*"ion. The soun o "he o"her !o%an?s a""e%3" "o 1rea"he"riggere in "he @ea$ous assai$an" an asso*ia"ion !i"h "he hea'5 1rea"hing an *ries oorgas%. For her, "he gas3ing or 1rea"h 1e*a%e "he souns o "his !o%an?s orgas% !i"h

her hus1an. A" "his 3oin", she $os" *on"ro$ an in "ru"h "hro""$e her unor"una"e ri'a$.

0ha" are "he $in/s 1e"!een seua$ @ea$ous5 an in"i%a"e 'io$en*e 0h5 oes @ea$ous5eru3" !i"h su*h un1ri$e ur5 An oes "his see%ing$5 es"ru*"i'e 1eha'ior ha'e ahien un*"ion 1ehin i", a 3ur3ose "ha" a**o%3$ishes so%e goa$ or "he 3er3e"ra"or

#ealousy and &attering

E'ien*e has 1een *u%u$a"ing or e*aes sugges"ing "ha" seua$ @ea$ous5 $ies a" "he roo"o s3ousa$ 1a""ering an %a5 e*ee a$$ o"her *auses *o%1ine. In one in"er'ie! s"u5 o;; 1a""ere !i'es see/ing reuge in a !o%en?s hos"e$, JJ 3er*en" re3or"e "ha" @ea$ous5

!as one o "he %ain reasons "heir hus1ans assau$"e "he%. In ano"her s"u5 o +J *aseso !o%en !ho !ere 1a""ere 15 "heir hus1ans, @ea$ous5 !as $is"e as "he /e5 3ro1$e% 15 "he 'as" %a@ori"5. In a "hir s"u5 o -+ 1a""ere !o%en in hos"e$s an hos3i"a$s, J 3er*en" $is"e @ea$ous5 as "he %ain *ause o "heir hus1an?s 'io$en*e, an a !ho33ing =; 3er*en" *i"e is as i" a reuen" *ause. A our"h s"u5 o*use on 9 1a""ere !o%en !hosough" he$3 a" a rura$ *$ini* in #or"h 6aro$ina. In J< ou" o "he 9 *ases, "he !o%enre3or"e "ha" "heir hus1ans !ere e"re%e$5 @ea$ous, an "ha" $ea'ing "he ho%e or an5reason in'aria1$5 resu$"e in a**usa"ions o inie$i"5 !hi*h *u$%ina"e in assau$". Ai"h s"u5 oun "ha" :< ou" o ++ 1a""ere !o%en ra"e "heir hus1ans as 'er5 ore"re%e$5 @ea$ous. A$"hough "he 'a$ii"5 o an5 one s"u5 *an 1e ues"ione, "oge"her"he5 s"rong$5 3oin" "o seua$ @ea$ous5 as a %a@or *ause, an $i/e$5 "he $eaing *ause, o

s3ousa$ 'io$en*e.

Vio$en*e is no" $i%i"e "o %ari"a$ %a"eshi3s. I"?s a$so 3re'a$en" uring a"ing. More "han aoen s"uies ha'e ea%ine a"e 'io$en*e, an "he nu%1ers are is"ur1ing. A*ross "heses"uies, "he 3er*en"age !ho re3or" e3ressing an5 sor" o 'io$en*e, in*$uing "hrea"s o'io$en*e, "o!ar a a"ing 3ar"ner range ro% += 3er*en" "o 9; 3er*en" or %en an ro% 3er*en" "o 9= 3er*en" or !o%en, !i"h "he a'erages or 1o"h ho'ering aroun ; 3er*en". 0hen 'er1a$ "hrea"s are e*$ue an on$5 a*"ua$ a*"s o 3h5si*a$ 'io$en*e are



in*$ue, "he se$8re3or"e ra"es o 3er3e"ra"ing a"e 'io$en*e range ro% +; 3er*en" "o ;J 3er*en" or %en an ro% + 3er*en" "o J= 3er*en" or !o%en. E'en higher 3er*en"agesare re3or"e 15 3eo3$e !hen as/e !he"her "he5 ha'e e'er 1een "he 'i*"i%s o a"e'io$en*e.

0hen a"ing ini'iua$s are uie a1ou" !ha" *auses "he 'io$en*e, "he resu$"s arere%ar/a1$5 *onsis"en". As su%%arie 15 Sugar%an an Ho"a$ing, In e'er5 s"u5 in!hi*h a res3onen" ha a *han*e "o *he*/ or $is" @ea$ous5 as a *ause, i" is "he %os"reuen"$5 %en"ione reason.

Vio$en*e agains" 3ar"ners "riggere 15 seua$ @ea$ous5 is no" $i%i"e "o "he Uni"e S"a"es,or "o 0es"ern *u$"ures, or e'en "o 3ar"i*u$ar 3o$i"i*a$ s5s"e%s. The *ross8*u$"ura$e'ien*e, a$"hough $ess s5s"e%a"i*a$$5 *o$$e*"e "han "he #or"h A%eri*an e'ien*e,re'ea$s a s"ri/ing$5 si%i$ar 3a""ern. The an"hro3o$ogis" #a3o$eon 6hagnon o "heUni'ersi"5 o 6a$iornia a" San"a Bar1ara has s"uie "he Yano%a% o Veneue$a or%ore "han J 5ears. His re3or"2

A 3ar"i*u$ar$5 nas"5 hus1an %igh" hi" his !ie !i"h "he shar3 ege o a %a*he"e or aor shoo" a 1ar1e arro! in"o so%e non'i"a$ area, su*h as "he 1u""o*/s or "he $eg. Ano"her 1ru"a$ 3unish%en" is "o ho$ "he g$o!ing en o a 3ie*e o ire!oo agains" "he !ie?s 1o5, 3rou*ing 3ainu$ an serious 1urns. #or%a$$5, ho!e'er, "he hus1an?s re3ri%ansare *onsis"en" !i"h "he 3er*ei'e seriousness o "he !ie?s shor"*o%ings,his #ore drastic

#easures 0eing reserved for infidelity or suspicion of infidelity . I" is no" un*o%%on or a%an "o serious$5 in@ure a seua$$5 erran" !ie, an so%e hus1ans ha'e sho" an /i$$eunai"hu$ !i'es . . . uring one o %5 s"a5s in "he 'i$$ages a %an sho" his !ie in "hes"o%a*h !i"h a 1ar1e arro! . . . Ano"her %an *ho33e his !ie on "he ar% !i"h a%a*he"e so%e "enons !ere se'ere . . . A *$u1 igh" in'o$'ing a *ase o inie$i"5 "oo/

3$a*e in one o "he 'i$$ages @us" 1eore "he en o %5 irs" ie$ "ri3. The %a$e 3ara%our!as /i$$e, an "he enrage hus1an *u" o 1o"h o his !ie?s ears.

Ha$!a5 aroun "he g$o1e, "he CKung San o Bo"s!ana, o"en es*ri1e 15an"hro3o$ogis"s as a 3ea*eu$ 3eo3$e, sho! a si%i$ar 3a""ern o %a$e 'io$en*e %o"i'a"e 15 %a$e seua$ @ea$ous52

#4ah/a, a %i$e8age !o%an, !as a""a*/e 15 her hus1an. His assau$" resu$"e inin@uries "o her a*e, hea an $i3s. Her hus1an a**use her o s$ee3ing !i"h ano"her %an. . . #4ah/a an her hus1an ha 1een %arrie or %an5 5ears 1u" ha no *hi$ren"oge"her. Her on$5 *hi$ !as a gir$ o a1ou" our"een 5ears !hose a"her !as a Herero aneigh1oring "ri1e an "o !ho% #4ah/a ha no" 1een %arrie. The a"her ne'er*on"ri1u"e "o his augh"er?s su33or", an or %an5 5ears "he *hi$ ha 1een reare 15 #4ah/a?s 3aren"s !ho $i'e in a ieren" 'i$$age. 0hen #4ah/a?s 3aren"s hear a1ou" "he 1ea"ing, "he5 %ae 3$ans "o $oge a or%a$ *o%3$ain" . . . agains" "heir son8in8$a!. O"her 3eo3$e, no" *$ose re$a"i'es o #4ah/a or her hus1an, *$ai%e "ha" "he *ou3$e ha a $onghis"or5 o is*or, a$$ege$5 1e*ause "he !ie $i/e "o s$ee3 !i"h Ban"u %en.



In *u$"ures "he !or$ o'er, %en in "he "hough" o "heir 3ar"ner ha'ing seua$ in"er*ourse!i"h o"her %en in"o$era1$e. Sus3i*ion or e"e*"ion o inie$i"5 *auses %an5 %en "o $ashou" in urious anger rare$5 seen in o"her *on"e"s.

A .ange of (n2uries

Pau$ Mu$$en o "he Uni'ersi"5 o O"ago o*u%en"e a range o 'io$en" 1eha'ior in asa%3$e o +-: 3a"ien"s !ho !ere reerre "o "hera35 1e*ause o @ea$ous5. So%e a*"s o @ea$ous 'io$en*e !ere *o%%on3$a*e, su*h as 3ushing, sho'ing, /i*/ing, "hro!ing o1@e*"s,an es"ro5ing 3ro3er"5. In ai"ion, ho!e'er, si %en an "!o !o%en !ie$e a /nie!hi$e issuing 'er1a$ "hrea"s, an nine !a'e 1$un" ins"ru%en"s su*h as $arge *$u1s or 3o/ers. One %an 3resse a gun "o his !ie?s hea !hi$e "hrea"ening her $ie. A u$$ J< 3er*en" o "he sa%3$e o @ea$ous 3a"ien"s ha a his"or5 o *o%%i""ing a*"s o s3ousa$'io$en*e, again 'ar5ing !ie$5 in or%. Ten re3or"e "hro""$ing "heir !i'es !i"h in"en" "o/i$$, one a""e%3"e 3oisoning !i"h gas, ++ 1ea" "he s3ouse !i"h 1$un" ins"ru%en"s,ra*"uring 1ones in our *ases. Mos" 3er3e"ra"ors see%e in"en" on e$i'ering 1oi$5

a%age.

The 3s5*ho$ogis"s Gohn o""%an an #ei$ Ga*o1son o "he Uni'ersi"5 o 0ashing"onesigne a s"u5 "o e3$ore "he 3re'a$en*e o 1a""ering. The5 a'er"ise or *ou3$es in$o*a$ ne!s3a3ers. Ou" o "he +; *ou3$es s"uie, 9- e$$ in"o "he grou3 $a1e$e as1a""ere. 6ou3$es !ere *$assiie as su*h on$5 i "he !ie re3or"e six or #ore e3isoes!i"hin "he 3as" 5ear o 3ushing or sho'ing ($o!8$e'e$ 'io$en*e&,at least two e3isoes ohigh8$e'e$ 'io$en*e su*h as /i*/ing or 3un*hing, or at least one ins"an*e o 'io$en*eee%e 3o"en"ia$$5 $e"ha$, su*h as 1eing se'ere$5 1ea"en, "hrea"ene !i"h a !ea3on su*h agun or /nie, or sus"aining in@uries ro% a gun or /nie. The on$5 *ri"erion or 3ar"i*i3a"ion in "he s"u5 !as "ha" "he *ou3$es ha "o 1e e3erien*ing *on$i*" !i"hin

"heir %arriage. #o %en"ion o 1a""ering or a1use !as *on"aine in "he as.

I re*a$$ one *ase o an unusua$ in@ur5 !i"h 3ar"i*u$ar saness. Se'era$ 5ears ago, I"ra'e$e "o Euro3e "o es"a1$ish *ross8*u$"ura$ resear*h *o$$a1ora"ors "o *onu*" resear*hon @ea$ous5. A" one uni'ersi"5, I %e" a graua"e s"uen", ; 5ears o$ an in"e$$igen", 3er*e3"i'e, a$er", an s!ee" in is3osi"ion. She !as a s"ri/ing$5 a""ra*"i'e !o%an, 1u" she 1ore a s"range a*ia$ ea"ure. On 1o"h sies o her *hee/s !ere "!o !hi"e s*ars, "hin 1u"*$ear$5 'isi1$e, ea*h a1ou" "hree in*hes in $eng"h running 'er"i*a$$5. The s*ars, she "o$ %eo'er *oee, !ere "he resu$" o her 1o5rien?s a""a*/ !hen she "o$ hi% !i"h ina$i"5 "ha"she !as 1rea/ing o "he re$a"ionshi3. He assau$"e her !i"h a s"raigh" raor, s$ashing hera*e on 1o"h sies, !hi$e s*rea%ing "ha" he !ou$ ruin her or a$$ o"her %en. For"una"e$5,

"he s"or5 has a ha335 ening. She re*o'ere, an "he $as" I hear she !as su**eeing ingraua"e s*hoo$ an ha 1e*o%e engage "o ano"her %an. Bu" her a*e !ou$ ore'er 1ear "he s*ars o @ea$ous rage.

Are 3ou at .is1 for +iolene from 3our !artner4

In a $arge s"u5 o %ore "han :, 3ar"i*i3an"s, Margo 0i$son an Mar"in Da$5 oM*Mas"er Uni'ersi"5 ien"iie a *$ear asso*ia"ion 1e"!een res3onses "o i'e ues"ions



an a !o%an?s sus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o 'arious or%s o 'io$en*e ro% her hus1an. The5 !ereas/e i an5 o "he o$$o!ing i"e%s a33$ie "o "heir 3ar"ner an "o ans!er !i"h a 5es or ano.

+.

He is @ea$ous an oesn?" !an" 5ou "o "a$/ "o o"her %en.

.

He "ries "o $i%i" 5our *on"a*" !i"h a%i$5 or riens.

-.

He insis"s on /no!ing !ho% 5ou are !i"h an !here 5ou are a" a$$ "i%es.

;.

He *a$$s 5ou na%es "o 3u" 5ou o!n or %a/e 5ou ee$ 1a.

J.

He 3re'en"s 5ou ro% /no!ing a1ou" or ha'ing a**ess "o "he a%i$5 in*o%e, e'eni 5ou as/.

The %ore i"e%s 5ou air% as a33$i*a1$e "o 5our 3ar"ner, "he higher "he $i/e$ihoo "ha"5ou !i$$ 1e a 'i*"i% o 'io$en*e. Here is a sa%3$e o "he s"a"is"i*a$ e'ien*e. For i"e% +,-= 3er*en" o !o%en !ho sai 5es ha e3erien*e serious 'io$en*e2 in *on"ras" on$5 ; 3er*en" o "he !o%en !ho sai no e3erien*e su*h 'io$en*e. For"5 3er*en" o "he!o%en !ho sai "ha" "heir hus1an insis"e on /no!ing "heir !herea1ou"s !ere 'i*"i%so serious 'io$en*e, *o%3are !i"h on$5 < 3er*en" o !o%en !hose hus1ans i no"e%an /no!ing "heir !herea1ou"s. For"58eigh" 3er*en" o "he !o%en !ho air%e "ha""heir hus1an ha *a$$e "he% na%es "o 3u" "he% o!n or "o %a/e "he% ee$ 1a ha 1een 1ea"en 15 "heir hus1ans, *o%3are !i"h on$5 - 3er*en" o "he !o%en !ho sai "ha"

"his i no" es*ri1e "heir hus1an. I" shou$ 1e no"e "ha" < 3er*en" o "he in*ien"s%ee"ing "he serious 'io$en*e *ri"erion reuire %ei*a$ a""en"ion, a""es"ing "o "hese'eri"5 o "he 'io$en*e.

I" is 3ossi1$e, o *ourse, "o ha'e a 3ar"ner !ho ehi1i"s a$$ o "hese 3ossessi'e 1eha'iors 1u" none"he$ess oes no" use 'io$en*e. Ha'ing a 3ar"ner !ho is e"re%e$5 3ossessi'e,eroga"ing, an au"ono%5 $i%i"ing oes no" in'aria1$5 signa$ 'io$en*e. Bu" "hese a*"ionsare anger signs "ha" ini*a"e "ha" an5!here ro% a "hir "o ha$ o su*h !o%en %a5 1e in @eo3ar5.

Are Women as +iolent as Men4

On #e! Year?s E'e in +=:=, "he oo"1a$$ $egen O. G. Si%3son !as a**use o assau$"inghis !ie, #i*o$e Bro!n Si%3son. His res3onse !as as"onish%en", or he e*$are "ha" i"!ashe !ho ha 1een 1a""ere, an he !as %ere$5 eening hi%se$ agains" #i*o$e?sa""a*/. He *$ai%e, in a*", "ha" he !as a 1a""ere hus1anC Is "his %ere se$8@us"ii*a"ionOr is "here an5 "ru"h "o "he iea "ha" !o%en 1a""er %en as %u*h as %en 1a""er !o%en in*$ose re$a"ionshi3s This *on"ro'ers5 has 1een raging or %ore "han "!o e*aes a%ongresear*hers !ho s"u5 s3ousa$ 'io$en*e.



The *on"ro'ers5 !as ini"ia"e in +=<:, !hen Suanne S"ein%e" 3u1$ishe an ar"i*$een"i"$e The Ba""ere Hus1an S5nro%e. The ar"i*$e re'ie!e %os" o "he e'ien*e"hen a'ai$a1$e, an *on*$ue "ha" "here !as a $arge an %os"$5 hien sie o in"i%a"e'io$en*e, !i"h !o%en as 3er3e"ra"ors an %en as 'i*"i%s. The ar"i*$e 3ro'o/e ou"ragero% so*io$ogis"s, 3s5*ho$ogis"s, e%inis"s, an so%e @ourna$is"s. The *on"ro'ers5 !as

ue$e in 3ar" 15 !orries "ha" "he *on*$usion !ou$ 1e use "o reu*e a""en"ion "o 1a""ere!o%en, 3erha3s *ur"ai$ing uning or she$"ers. The *on"ro'ers5 igni"e as %eia sour*es"ou"e hea$ines su*h as S"u5 Ba*/s U3 Sus3i*ions Tha" Hus1an Is More Ba""ereS3ouse an eaggera"e "he a*"ua$ s"a"is"i*s. 0hereas "he a*"ua$ igures or 1a""erehus1ans !ere es"i%a"e a" ;.9 3er*en" (;9 %en ou" o e'er5 "housan&, or rough$5 "!o%i$$ion %en in A%eri*a, one %eia sour*e, "he New York aily News% %is"a/en$5 uo"ea igure o "!e$'e %i$$ion 1a""ere %enC

There are %an5 s"a"is"i*s on "he issue, 1u" "he5 %us" 1e ea%ine *areu$$5. In "he %os"e"ensi'e A%eri*an sur'e5 o o%es"i* 'io$en*e, "he so*io$ogis"s Murra5 S"rauss anRi*har e$$es oun "his e"raorinar5 resu$"2 The reuen*5 o a*"s o 'io$en*e in

%a"ing re$a"ionshi3s is inee a33roi%a"e$5 eua$ or "he "!o sees, !i"h ha$ 3er3e"ra"e 15 %en an ha$ 15 !o%en. So%e resear*h on a"e 'io$en*e sugges"s "ha"!o%en a*"ua$$5 e*ee %en in so%e 3ar"i*u$ar a*"s o 'io$en*e. 0o%en %ore "han %enre3or" 3ushing or sho'ing "heir 3ar"ner (-: 3er*en" or !o%en an +J 3er*en" or %en&,s$a33ing "heir 3ar"ner ( 3er*en" 'ersus 9 3er*en"&, /i*/ing or 1i"ing "heir 3ar"ner ( 3er*en" 'ersus + 3er*en"&, an hi""ing "heir 3ar"ner !i"h an o1@e*" (+9 3er*en" 'ersus + 3er*en"&. In "his s"u5, %en e*eee !o%en in on$5 "!o a*"s o 'io$en*e, 1o"h se'ere.Men %ore "han !o%en "hre! or s%ashe %ore o1@e*"s (;< 3er*en" or %en 'ersus ; 3er*en" or !o%en& an or*e se on "heir 3ar"ners (9 3er*en" 'ersus + 3er*en"&. Fro%"hese s"uies an o"hers, i" is reasona1$e "o *on*$ue "ha" !o%en are as *a3a1$e o a*"s o'io$en*e as %en are, an 3eror% so%e o "he% !i"h a" $eas" "he reuen*5 sho!n 15

%en.

So%e o "hese a*"s are *$ear$5 *ases o !o%en a*"ing in se$8eense, ho!e'er, ei"heragains" a s3e*ii* a""a*/ or "o *o%1a" a re3ea"e his"or5 o a1use, as "he o$$o!ing *asesi$$us"ra"e. The irs" in'o$'es a !o%an na%e Sa$$5, age ;; an %arrie or J 5ears20hen he hi"s %e, I re"a$ia"e. Ma51e I on?" ha'e "he sa%e s"reng"h as he oes, 1u" I/no! ho! "o ho$ %5 o!n. I *ou$ ge" hur", 1u" I a% going "o go o!n "r5ing. You /no!,i"?s no" $i/e "here is an5one e$se here !ho is going "o he$3 %e. So . . . I hi" hi% 1a*/ . . . I 3i*/ u3 so%e"hing an I hi" hi%.

In ano"her *ase, a !o%an use 'io$en*e as an an"i*i3a"or5 eense s"ra"eg5 e'e$o3ea"er a $ong his"or5 o e3erien*ing her hus1an?s !ra"h2 I /no! "ha" $oo/ he ge"s !henhe ge"s rea5 "o hi" %e. 0e?'e 1een %arrie or "en 5ears, an I?'e seen "ha" $oo/ o his.So he ge"s "ha" $oo/, an I ge" so%e"hing "o hi" hi% !i"h. On*e I hi" hi% !i"h a $a%3.Ano"her "i%e I s"a11e hi%. Usua$$5 I on?" ge" so 1a, 1u" I !as rea$ earu$ "ha" "i%e.

A "hir *ase in'o$'e Fran*ine Hughes ro% Dans'i$$e, Mi*higan, !ho suere 5ears o 1ea"ings 15 her a$*oho$i* an @ea$ous hus1an, Ga%es Hughes. One e'ening, she 3oure a*an o gaso$ine on Hughes !hi$e he s$e3" a"er a nigh" o rin/ing. She 1a*/e ou" o "he



roo%, $i" a %a"*h, an $e !i"h her *hi$ren as her hus1an !as engu$e in $a%es. Shero'e s"raigh" "o "he Ingha% 6oun"5 sheri?s oi*e, !here she *onesse "o "he *ri%e.The @ur5 e'en"ua$$5 a*ui""e her, e*$aring "ha" she ha 1een "e%3orari$5 insane !hi$e in"he a*" o in*inera"ing her hus1an.

A$"hough s"uies sho! "ha" !o%en assau$" "heir s3ouses as %u*h as %en, "here are "!o*ri"i*a$ ieren*es. Firs", !o%en?s 'io$en*e is "53i*a$$5 3ro%3"e 15 se$8eense agains"a hus1an !ho is a1ou" "o 1ea" "he%, !ho is in "he 3ro*ess o 1ea"ing "he%, or !ho hasha a $ong his"or5 o 1ea"ing "he%. 0o%en rare$5 ini"ia"e "he 1a""ering, 1u" o een"he%se$'es !hen a""a*/e. Mos" !o%en are no" 3assi'e 'i*"i%s o 'io$en*e. The5 igh" 1a*/ !hen "he5 *an. Se*on, "he *ases a1o'e no"!i"hs"aning, !o%enon average o ar$ess a%age "han %en !hen "he5 en"er "he ra5. There are no she$"ers or 1a""erehus1ans, nor o hos3i"a$s house %an5 %en !hose 1ones ha'e 1een 1ro/en 15 anassau$"i'e !ie. True, %en %a5 1e e%1arrasse 15 1eing 1ea"en 15 a !o%an an sho!re$u*"an*e "o 1ring su*h *ases "o $igh". Do*u%en"e *ases %a5 uneres"i%a"e "he a*"ua$a%age "ha" !o%en o. E'en a$$o!ing or so%e unerre3or"ing, ho!e'er, i"?s *$ear "ha"

%en o %ore 1oi$5 a%age "han !o%en.

Mu*h in"i%a"e 'io$en*e 15 1o"h sees u$"i%a"e$5 *an 1e "ra*e 1a*/ "o seua$ @ea$ous5.Men assau$" "heir 3ar"ners ou" o @ea$ous5, an a$"hough !o%en so%e"i%es a""a*/ ou" o @ea$ous5, %ore o"en i" is in eense agains" a hus1an !ho is a""a*/ing "he% ou" o @ea$ous5. In 1o"h *ases, @ea$ous5 $ies a" "he *ore o "he *on$i*".

E$*lanations of #ealous +iolene

Ho! *an !e uners"an "he 1ru"a$i"5 un$eashe 15 "he e%o"ion o @ea$ous5 0ha" sor" oe3$ana"ion *ou$ a**oun" or "he 3arao "ha" !e hur" %os" "he ones !e $o'e A**oring

"o so*io$ogis" R. #. 0hi"ehurs", !ho s"uie + *our" *ases in'o$'ing hus1ans an!i'es in $i"iga"ion o'er 3h5si*a$ *rue$"5 !i"hin "heir %arriages, A" "he *ore o near$5 a$$"he *ases in'o$'ing 3h5si*a$ 'io$en*e, "he hus1an res3one ou" o rus"ra"ion a" 1einguna1$e "o *on"ro$ "he !ie, o"en a**using her o 1eing a !hore or o ha'ing an aair !i"hano"her %an. 0hi"ehurs" e3$ains "he 'io$en*e 15 a""ri1u"ing i" "o "!o a*"ors. The irs"is so*ia$ia"ion, !here15 %en 1ea" "heir !i'es 1e*ause 3aren"s, "ea*hers, an "e$e'ision"ea*h "he% "o o so. A se*on e3$ana"ion in'o/es %a$e nor%s o aggressi'eness,!here15 %en e3$oe on "heir !i'es 1e*ause A%eri*an so*ie"5 'ie!s i" as "he nor%a$an %an$5 "hing "o o.

A "hir 3o3u$ar e3$ana"ion or in"i%a"e 'io$en*e 3ro3oses "ha" 3a"riar*h5 in 0es"ern

*u$"ure is 3ri%ari$5 res3onsi1$e. As #ei$ Ga*o1son an Gohn o""%an argue, Our *u$"urehas 1een 3a"riar*ha$ as ar 1a*/ as !e *an "ra*e i" . . . 3a"riar*h5 has san*"ione 1a""eringhis"ori*a$$5 an *on"inues "o o3era"e "o 3er3e"ua"e 1a""ering "oa5 "he *on"inueo33ression o !o%en 3ro'ies a *on"e" "ha" %a/es eor"s "o en 'io$en*e agains"!o%en ii*u$" i no" i%3ossi1$e . . . In shor", 1a""ering o**urs !i"hin a 3a"riar*ha$*u$"ure, an is %ae 3ossi1$e 1e*ause su*h a *u$"ure o%ina"es A%eri*an so*ie"5. As aresu$" o 3a"riar*h5, "he5 *on"inue, Man5 %en s"i$$ see i" as "heir righ" "o 1a""er !o%en!ho o33ose "heir au"hori"5 . . . %arriage as an ins"i"u"ion is s"i$$ s"ru*"ure in su*h a !a5



as "o ins"i"u"iona$ie %a$e o%inan*e, an su*h o%inan*e %a/es high ra"es o 1a""eringine'i"a1$e . . . 1a""ering is si%3$5 an eaggera"e 'ersion o "he 3o!er an *on"ro$ "ha"re%ain "he nor% in A%eri*an %arriages.

These e3$ana"ions, a$"hough no ou1" 3ar"ia$$5 *orre*", run in"o "rou1$e as *o%3$e"e

e3$ana"ions !hen !e *onsier se'era$ a*"s a1ou" in"i%a"e 'io$en*e. Firs", @ea$ous'io$en*e is no" %ere$5 an A%eri*an 3heno%enon, nor *an i" 1e a""ri1u"e "o 0es"ern*u$"ure, %eia i%ages, or *a3i"a$is%. S3ousa$ 1a""ering o**urs in e'er5 *u$"ure or !hi*h!e ha'e re$e'an" a"a. In "he A*he "ri1e, a grou3 resiing in Paragua5, 'io$en*e agains"%a"es is re$a"i'e$5 *o%%on. Here is one re3or" o an A*he *hi$, "rans$a"e in"o Eng$ish2

Da *ou$ ge" rea$$5 %a. He hi" Mo% in "he ores" !hen she ha se !i"h ano"her.Mo% use "o ha'e se !i"h ano"her (or se'era$ o"hers&. He hi" Mo%. The5 !ou$ ha'e aigh". The5 !ou$ s*ra"*h a*es. He !ou$ rea$$5 s*ra"*h Mo%?s a*e. Da !as rea$$5s"rong. Mo% !as !ea/. Mo% use "o hi" Da in "he a*e. Then he !ou$ s*ra"*h u3 hera*e in re'enge ("o een hi%se$ &. Then Mo% !ou$ *r5.

#a3o$eon 6hagnon re3or"s si%i$ar ins"an*es o 'io$en*e a%ong "he Yano%a%.A**oring "o 6hagnon, Yano%a% %en 1ea" "heir !i'es !i"h s"i*/s or a 'arie"5 oreasons, ranging ro% *onsor"ing !i"h ano"her %an "o a 'io$a"ion as "ri'ia$ as ser'ing "ea"oo s$o!$5C A%ong "he Yano%a%, as in "he Uni"e S"a"es, @ea$ous 'io$en*e is a$soire*"e "o!ar sa%e8se ri'a$s2 Mos" ue$s s"ar" 1e"!een "!o %en, usua$$5 a"er one o"he% has 1een a**use or *augh"en flagrante "r5s"ing !i"h "he o"her?s !ie. The enragehus1an *ha$$enges his o33onen" "o s"ri/e hi% on "he hea !i"h a *$u1. He ho$s his o!n*$u1 'er"i*a$$5, $eans agains" i", an e3oses his hea or his o33onen" "o s"ri/e. A"er hehas sus"aine a 1$o! on "he hea, he *an "hen e$i'er one on "he *u$3ri"?s s/u$$. Bu" assoon as 1$oo s"ar"s "o $o!, a$%os" e'er51o5 ri3s a 3o$e ou" o "he house ra%e an

@oins in "he igh"ing, su33or"ing one or "he o"her o "he *on"es"an"s.

#o" sur3rising$5, as "he %en age, "he "o3s o "heir heas 1e*o%e *o'ere !i"h s*ars,!hi*h "he %en 3rou$5 is3$a5. So%e sha'e "he "o3s o "heir heas an ru1 re 3ig%en"on "he s/in "o ra! a""en"ion "o "he% an "o e%ons"ra"e "heir "oughness. A$$ "his $ori'io$en*eagains" a 3ar"ner, agains" a ri'a$, an so%e"i%es in'o$'ing "he !ho$e grou3 is "riggere 15 @ea$ous5 o'er a rea$ or sus3e*"e seua$ inie$i"5.

Thousans o %i$es a!a5 ro% "he Yano%a% resies "he Ti!i "ri1e, $o*a"e on Me$'i$$ean Ba"hhurs" Is$ans o "he nor"hern *oas" o Aus"ra$ia. Be*ause o "heir re$a"i'eiso$a"ion, "he Ti!i "ri1e re"aine %an5 o "heir *us"o%s a" "he "i%e "he5 !ere s"uie 15an"hro3o$ogis"s. The5 are es*ri1e as a geron"o*ra*5, !hi*h %eans "ha" "he o$er %en"en "o ho$ %os" o "he 3o!er, !hi$e "he 5oung %us" !ai" "heir "urn, so%e"i%es ore*aes. The Ti!i are 3o$5g5nous, !i"h "he 3o!eru$ %en "a/ing as %an5 as = !i'es,%an5 o !ho% are 5ounger 15 e*aes. Young %en re%ain %a"e$ess. A**oring "o Ti!i$a! an *us"o%, a$$ !o%en %us" 1e %arrie, 1u" "he sa%e o1'ious$5 oes no" a33$5 "o%en.



i'en "his %a"ing s5s"e%, i" is no" sur3rising "ha" 5oung !i'es so%e"i%es ha'e seua$aairs !i"h "he 5oung %en. 0hen is*o'ere, "he hus1an usua$$5 1ea"s his !ie an"hen 3u1$i*$5 a**uses "he 5oung %an o 'io$a"ion. Ri"ua$ reuires "ha" "he a**use 5oung%an s"an in "he 'i$$age *en"er, surroune 15 a$$ "he o"her %en in "he 'i$$age, !hi$e "heoene hus1an "hro!s s3ears a" hi%. Being %ore a"h$e"i* an agi$e, "he 5oung %an *an

so%e"i%es oge "he s3ears "o a'oi in@ur5. Bu" i he oes, "he o"her o$ %en, a$$ies o"he oene hus1an, 3i*/ u3 s3ears an hur$ "he% a" "he in"er$o3er. The %os" ee*"i'es"ra"eg5 is "o a""e%3" "o re*ei'e a non$e"ha$ s3ear, sa5 in "he u33er "high, !hi*h !i$$ ra!a $o" o 1$oo, "here15 assuaging "he honor o "he oene o$er %an an 3re'en"ing "he5oung %an ro% 1eing /i$$e.

As !e?'e seen, @ea$ous 'io$en*e resies no" on$5 in #or"h A%eri*a, or in 0es"ern *u$"ure,or in *u$"ures 1o%1are !i"h %eia i%ages. #ei"her "he Ti!i nor "he Yano%a% ha'ee$e*"ri*i"5, %u*h $ess "e$e'ision. E3$ana"ions $i%i"e "o A%eri*an *u$"ure, $o*a$so*ia$ia"ion 3ra*"i*es, or 0es"ern 3a"riar*h5 ai$ "o e3$ain "he uni'ersa$i"5 o @ea$ous'io$en*e. A ee3er e3$ana"ion is neee, one "ha" "ra*es 'io$en*e 1a*/ o'er hu%an

e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5.

(s Domesti +iolene Ada*tive4

>e"?s 3u" asie, or a e! %o%en"s, our re'u$sion "o 3ar"ner 1a""ering, "o *onsier "he"rou1$ing 3ossi1i$i"5 "ha" 'io$en*e %a5 ha'e ser'e useu$ 3ur3oses or 3er3e"ra"ors. Doesaggression so%e"i%es 3a5

Margo 0i$son an Mar"in Da$5 s3e*u$a"e "ha" "he %os" 3$ausi1$e aa3"i'e un*"ions o'io$en*e agains" 3ar"ners aredeterrence ancontrol7 Men?s use o 'io$en*e, or "hrea"s o'io$en*e, *on'e5 an i%3or"an" signa$ "o "he s3ouse2 a*"s o inie$i"5 *o%e a" a s"ee3

3ri*e. B5 %a/ing "he 3ri*e o unai"hu$ness sui*ien"$5 high, %en ho3e "o e"er "heirs3ouses ro% s$ee3ing !i"h o"her %en. One *$ue "o "he aa3"i'e un*"ion o 'io$en*e is"he "53e o %en %os" $i/e$5 "o use i". 0i$son an Da$5 argue "ha" "he %en %os" $i/e$5 "oresor" "o 'io$en*e are "hose !ho $a*/ %ore 3osi"i'e %eans o 'o$un"ar5 *o%3$ian*e a""heir is3osa$, su*h as 3ro'iing resour*es. Vio$en*e, in "his 'ie!, %a5 re3resen" %en?s$as"8i"*h eor" "o ho$ on "o 3ar"ners !ho are on "he 'erge o ee*"ing. Vio$en*e,"hereore, shou$ 1e %ore 3re'a$en" !hen %en $a*/ "he e*ono%i* resour*es "ha" %igh"u$i$$ a *ore esire o !o%en?s ini"ia$ %a"e *hoi*e.

Is "here an5 e'ien*e "ha" %en?s use o 'io$en*e a*"ua$$5 e"ers !o%en ro% inie$i"5 oree*"ion So%e 1a""ere !o%en o re%ain in 'io$en" re$a"ionshi3s, an re"urn "o "he%

e'en a"er "he5 ha'e sough" he$3 a" a she$"er or hos"e$. In a s"u5 o + !o%en a" ashe$"er or 1a""ere !o%en, a su1s"an"ia$ nu%1er re"urne "o "heir hus1an. T!en"58se'enre"urne a"er "heir hus1an 3ro%ise "ha" he !ou$ *hange an rerain ro% 'io$en*e,an +< re"urne as a ire*" resu$" o "hrea"s o ur"her 'io$en*e i she i no" re"urn.Ano"her +; re"urne ho%e 1e*ause "he5 ha no a$"erna"i'e 3$a*e "o go, an +- re"urne 1e*ause o "heir *hi$ren. Eigh" !o%en re"urne "o "heir hus1an 1e*ause "he5 !ere s"i$$in $o'e !i"h hi% or e$" sorr5 or hi%. A %a@ori"5 o "he !o%en !ho ha 1een 1a""ere,%an5 se'ere$5, re"urne "o "heir 3ar"ners a"er a s"a5 in "he she$"er.



So%e !o%en res3on "o a %an?s 'io$en*e 15 *u""ing o "heir *on"a*"s !i"h %a$e riens,!earing $ess re'ea$ing *$o"hing, 1e*o%ing %ore so$i*i"ous o "heir 3ar"ner?s nees an!an"s, an genera$$5 reu*ing signs o s"ra5ing. Aggression, unor"una"e$5, so%e"i%es!or/s i a !ie is righ"ene enough "o *hoose *o%3$ian*e o'er ea"h. Re*en"$5 Ire*ei'e a $e""er ro% a *o$$eague !ho ha 1een $e*"uring in an unergraua"e *$ass a1ou"

"he 3ossi1$e un*"ions o 'io$en*e. He re$a"e "his s"or52 I ha 1een is*ussing "he roo"so !ie 1a""ering in %a"e guaring (seua$ @ea$ous5 an 3ro3rie"ariness, e"*.&, an as"uen" 3u" u3 her han, o1'ious$5 anious "o %a/e a 3oin". She sai "ha" "his *ou$ no" 1e "rue. She ha 1een !or/ing or so%e "i%e a" a she$"er in #or"hha%3"on or a1use an 1a""ere !o%en, an ha 1e*o%e a%i$iar !i"h %an5 o "he%. 0hen "he su1@e*" o "hereasons !h5 "he5 !ere a1use *a%e u3, "he5 sai "ha" ge""ing in'o$'e !i"h ano"her %an!as "he ur"hes" "hing ro% "heir %ins.? In res3onse, ano"her s"uen" 3u" his han u3an sai, 0e$$, I guess "he a1use !or/s.?

Men are %os" $i/e$5 "o use 'io$en*e !hen "he5 is*o'er an inie$i"5 or sus3e*" aninie$i"5. One s"u5 in"er'ie!e a sa%3$e o 1a""ere !o%en an i'ie "he% in"o "!o

grou3s2 one grou3 ha 1een 1o"h ra3e an 1ea"en 15 "heir hus1ans an one grou3 ha 1een 1ea"en 1u" no" ra3e. These "!o grou3s !ere "hen *o%3are !i"h a *on"ro$ grou3 onon8'i*"i%ie !o%en. The !o%en !ere as/e !he"her "he5 ha e'er ha se !i"h a%an o"her "han "heir hus1an !hi$e $i'ing !i"h "heir hus1an. Ten 3er*en" o "he non8'i*"i%ie !o%en re3or"e ha'ing ha an aair - 3er*en" o "he 1a""ere !o%enre3or"e ha'ing ha an aair an ;< 3er*en" o "hose !ho !ere 1a""ere an ra3e*onesse "o *o%%i""ing au$"er5. These s"a"is"i*s re'ea$ "ha" inie$i"5 15 a !o%an 3rei*"s 1a""ering 1eha'ior in %en.

In shor", !e *an ra! "!o "en"a"i'e *on*$usions ro% "he a'ai$a1$e e'ien*e. Firs", %en?s'io$en*e agains" "heir 3ar"ners oes see% "o ser'e "he un*"ion o e"erren*e an *on"ro$.

B5 using 'io$en*e, %en %ain"ain a *rei1$e "hrea", $o!ering "he os "ha" "heir 3ar"ner!i$$ *o%%i" inie$i"5 or ee*" ro% "he re$a"ionshi3. Men?s 'io$en*e see%s %os" $i/e$5"o rear i"s %ons"rous hea !hen "here is an in*rease $i/e$ihoo "ha" !o%en !i$$ *onsor"!i"h ano"her %an. Se*on, a$"hough %en?s 'io$en*e %a5 so%e"i%es re3resen" a $as" i"*heor" "o /ee3 a %a"e, an %a5 so%e"i%es 1a*/ire an *ause a !o%an "o $ea'e, 'io$en*e%a5 a*"ua$$5 e"er ee*"ions. E'en !o%en !ho ha'e 1een 1a""ere se'ere$5 enough "ogo "o a she$"er so%e"i%es re"urn "o "heir 3ar"ners 1e*ause o "he "hrea" o ur"her 'io$en*e.

The iea "ha" s3ousa$ 'io$en*e ser'es a e"erren*e un*"ion is unou1"e$5 is"ur1ing. Bu"i" shou$ no" 1e *ons"rue as *ononing or @us"i5ing "hese e"es"a1$e an re3ugnan" a*"s. #or shou$ "his e3$ana"ion 1e use "o e*use or eonera"e "he *o!ar$5 %en !ho*o%%i" "he%. S3ousa$ 'io$en*e is !rong a**oring "o %os" %ora$ an $ega$ s5s"e%s.On$5 15 uners"aning "he *auses o 'io$en*e, ho!e'er, *an !e ho3e "o reu*e i"so**urren*e.

( 0no' 3ou .eally Love Me

In "he %o'ie (atal =ttraction% a %arrie %an 3$a5e 15 Mi*hae$ Doug$as has a 1rieseua$ $ing !i"h a 3roessiona$ *o$$eague 3$a5e 15 $enn $ose. A$"hough Doug$as



ins "he seua$ en*oun"er e*i"ing an in"ense$5 ero"i*, he 1rea/s i" o, no" !an"ing "oenanger his %arriage. $enn 6$ose reuses "o a**e3" re@e*"ion. She 1egins s"a$/ing hi%,a33earing suen$5 a"er !or/ a" his 3ar/ing garage, $ea'ing "a3e re*ore %essages inhis *ar, an s35ing on hi% as he en@o5s a uie" e'ening !i"h his a%i$5. She insis"s "ha" herea$$5 $o'es her an reuses "o 1e enie. A$$ his a""e%3"s "o *on'in*e her o"her!ise ai$.

Things *o%e "o a hea a"er she 1oi$s his a%i$5?s 3e" ra11i" in a sou3 3o", /ina3s hisaugh"er, an ina$$5 1rea/s in"o his house one e'ening 1ranishing a $arge /i"*hen /nie.I" !as sai "ha" a"er (atal =ttraction *a%e ou", "here !as a "e%3orar5 ro3 in "he ra"es o%a$e inie$i"5.

S"a$/ing is a righ"ening 1eha'ior "ha" has re*ei'e na"iona$ a""en"ion, an no! a$$ JU.S. s"a"es ha'e 3asse an"i8s"a$/ing $egis$a"ion. Vi*"i%s o s"a$/ing suer grea"$5. A "hiro s"a$/ing 'i*"i%s see/ so%e or% o 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ "rea"%en" an a i"h $ose "i%e ro%"heir !or/. S"a$/ing i%3risons "he 'i*"i% 1o"h 3h5si*a$$5 an 3s5*ho$ogi*a$$5. Vi*"i%sre3or" res"ri*"ing "heir a*"i'i"ies, 1e*o%e earu$ o 'en"uring ou" o a%i$iar "erri"or5, anee$ righ"ene e'en in !e$$8reuen"e en'iron%en"s. The5 1e*o%e anious a1ou"

ans!ering "he oor, o3ening "he %ai$1o, or 3i*/ing u3 "he 3hone. The ear s"e%s ro%"he 1arrage o harass%en" s"a$/ers in$i*", in*$uing re3ea"e$5 3honing "he 'i*"i%s a"ho%e an !or/, ringing "he oor1e$$, inuna"ing "he 'i*"i%s !i"h $e""ers an $o!ers, @u%3ing ou" o "he 1ushes une3e*"e$5, 1o%1aring "he% !i"h 'er1a$ insu$"s oren"rea"ies, an genera$$5 o$$o!ing "he% e'er5!here. Man5 s"a$/ers s35 on "heir 'i*"i%s(<J 3er*en"&, %a/e e3$i*i" "hrea"s (;J 3er*en"&, 'ana$ie 3ro3er"5 (- 3er*en"&, anso%e"i%es "hrea"en "o /i$$ "he% or "heir 3e"s (+ 3er*en"&. In so%e *ases, s"a$/ers assau$""heir 'i*"i%s, an 1e*o%e es3e*ia$$5 'io$en" !hen she or he 1e*o%es in'o$'e !i"h ane! ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3.

I?'e in"er'ie!e %an5 !o%en !ho ha'e suere a" "he hans o a s"a$/er, an "he

3a""erns are righ"ening$5 si%i$ar. In one *ase, an a""ra*"i'e, !e$$8eu*a"e, 3roessiona$!o%an na%e Deirre, age :, 1e*a%e ro%an"i*a$$5 in'o$'e !i"h a %an or a1ou" "hree%on"hs. She 1ro/e i" o a"er he s"ar"e "o 1e*o%e unusua$$5 @ea$ous an 3ossessi'e.O'er a 3erio o si %on"hs he 1arrage Deirre !i"h hunres o $e""ers an "housanso 3hone *a$$s. He re3ea"e$5 1ro/e in"o her a3ar"%en" !hen she !as no" "here, $ea'ing%essages s*ra!$e on her es/ an 1a"hroo% %irror en"rea"ing her "o "a/e hi% 1a*/.E'en a 3o$i*e res"raining orer ai$e "o s"o3 "his s"a$/er (: 3er*en" o a$$ res"rainingorers are 'io$a"e 15 s"a$/ers&. E'en"ua$$5, he !as *on'i*"e o assau$"ing her ansen"en*e "o "hree 5ears in @ai$. In orer "o 3ro"e*" herse$ !hen her or%er $o'er !asree, she !as or*e "o ui" her @o1, *hange her na%e, an %o'e "o a ieren" *i"5.For"una"e$5, "he s"or5 has a ha335 eningDeirre is no! ha33i$5 %arrie "o a %an her 3roessiona$ an in"e$$e*"ua$ eua$, an a$"hough "he or%er s"a$/ing *ause 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ s*ars an se'era$ 5ears o %iser5, she has ina$$5 %anage "o 3u" "he horror 1ehin her.

S"a$/ing is 1es" 'ie!e as a *on"inuu% o a*"i'i"ies. 0hen "he eini"ion is 1roaene "oin*$ue "he 3ersis"en" use o 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ or 3h5si*a$ a1use in an a""e%3" "o 1egin or*on"inue a"ing so%eone e$se a"er "he5 ha'e *$ear$5 ini*a"e a esire "o "er%ina"e a



re$a"ionshi3, a u$$ J9 3er*en" o *o$$ege !o%en re3or" "ha" "he5 ha'e 1een ro%an"i*a$$5harasse in "his !a5.

Ho! *an !e e3$ain "hese 1iarre, re3ugnan", *ri%ina$, an 'io$en" a*"s A$"hough so%eare *$ear$5 3a"ho$ogi*a$, "heir reuen*5 an 3a""erning re'ea$ "ha" "he5 are o"en e"re%e

%anies"a"ions o %en?s 3s5*ho$og5 o @ea$ous5 an 3ossessi'enesses3era"e %easuresesigne "o ge" so%eone 1a*/ in"o "he re$a"ionshi3 or res"ore a $o'e "ha" !as $os".

The irs" *$ue *o%es ro% "he re$a"ionshi3 1e"!een s"a$/ers an "heir 'i*"i%s. S"a$/ers, o*ourse, *o%e in se'era$ "53es. So%e s"a$/ *e$e1ri"ies, as in "he *ase o Gohn Hin*/$e5s"a$/ing "he a*"ress Goie Fos"er or "he 1iarre *ase o "he !o%an !ho /e3" 1rea/ing in"o"a$/ sho! hos" Da'i >e""er%an?s house, insis"ing "ha" she !as rea$$5 his !ie. So%e s"a$/"o"a$ s"rangers or *asua$ a*uain"an*es. Bu" 15 ar "he %a@ori"5 o s"a$/ers ha'e 1eenro%an"i*a$$5 in'o$'e !i"h "heir 'i*"i%sas a *urren" s3ouse, a or%er s3ouse, a 3re'ious $o'er, or a 3as" a"ing 3ar"ner. In rough$5 9 3er*en" o "he *ases, s"a$/ing 15 anin"i%a"e 3ar"ner s"ar"e 1eore "he re$a"ionshi3 oi*ia$$5 ene. This sugges"s "ha"

s"a$/ing is a 'io$en" %anies"a"ion o %a"ing 3s5*ho$og5, re3resen"ing a ran"i* "a*"i*esigne "o /ee3 a 3ar"ner or "o *oer*e a 3ar"ner 1a*/.

The se*on *$ue "o "he 3s5*ho$og5 o s"a$/ing *o%es ro% "he se o "he 'i*"i%. A$"hough%en an !o%en 1o"h *an 1e 'i*"i%s o s"a$/ing, s"uies re'ea$ "ha" !o%en are our "i%es%ore $i/e$5 "han %en "o 1e s"a$/e. A**oring "o a resear*h re'ie! 15 "he #a"iona$Ins"i"u"e o Gus"i*e, : 3er*en" o !o%en an 3er*en" o %en sa5 "ha" "he5 ha'e 1eens"a$/e. A*ross A%eri*a, "his 5ie$s "he es"i%a"e "ha" :. %i$$ion !o%en !i$$ 1e'i*"i%ie 15 a s"a$/er a" so%e 3oin" in "heir $i'es. Ano"her sur'e5 es"i%a"es "ha" %ore"han a %i$$ion A%eri*an !o%en ha'e 1een s"a$/e in "he 3as" 5ear.

A "hir *$ue *o%es ro% "he ages o "he 'i*"i%s. In a s"u5 o 9: !o%en 'i*"i%s os"a$/ers, :< 3er*en" !ere uner "he age o ;. The o'er!he$%ing %a@ori"5 o "hese!o%en !ere 1e"!een +: an =, !i"h "he a'erage aroun :, sugges"ing "ha" !o%en ohigh er"i$i"5 are %os" a" ris/ o 1eing s"a$/ea 3a""ern s"ri/ing$5 si%i$ar "o "ha" oun!i"h 'i*"i%s o s3ousa$ 1a""ering.

Man5 %a$e s"a$/ers ha'e a his"or5 o 3h5si*a$$5 a1using "heir 3ar"ners !hi$e in "here$a"ionshi3, an s"a$/ing, $i/e o%es"i* 'io$en*e, re3resen"s a es3era"e a""e%3" "o regain*on"ro$ o'er a !o%an an *oer*e her 1a*/ in"o "he re$a"ionshi3. Mos" !o%en s"a$/ing'i*"i%s re3or" "ha" "heir assai$an"s s"a$/e "he% in orer "o /ee3 "he% in "he re$a"ionshi3,or*e a re*on*i$ia"ion, or see/ 'engean*e agains" "he% or $ea'ing.

S"a$/ing, $i/e o%es"i* 'io$en*e, is *o!ar$5, %ora$$5 re3ugnan", an i$$ega$. Thesugges"ion "ha" i" re$e*"s an e'o$'e %a$e 3s5*ho$og5 o @ea$ous5 an 3ossessi'enessesigne "o /ee3 or *on"ro$ a !o%an shou$ in no !a5 1e use as an e*use or orgi'ingi" or ai$ing "o 3unish i"s 3er3e"ra"ors. To "he *on"rar5, !e %a5 nee s"ri*"er $a!s an%ore se'ere 3unish%en"s "o *oun"era*" "hese 1ase %anies"a"ions o %a$e na"ure.



I 'io$en*e an s"a$/ing, a1horren" as "he5 are, are %o"i'a"e 15 %en es3era"e "o /ee3"heir 3ar"ners, "he sa%e *anno" 1e sai or ou"righ" /i$$ing. The /i$$ing o a 3ar"ner, inshar3 *on"ras" "o non$e"ha$ 1ea"ing or s"a$/ing, see%s genuine$5 3u$ing, sin*e /i$$ers$ose "heir %a"es ore'er. 6an !e she an5 $igh" on "he see%ing$5 1iarre an a33aren"$5%a$aa3"i'e 3heno%enon o !ie /i$$ing

Lethal +iolene

In a33roa*hing "he unse""$ing "o3i* o %a"e %urer, $e"?s irs" ea%ine so%e a*"ua$inings. The %os" e"ensi'e s"u5 o %a"e ho%i*ies *onsis"e o +,--- !o%en an ;+9%en %urere 15 "heir in"i%a"e 3ar"ners in 6anaa 1e"!een +=<; an +==. Thesein*$ue 1o"h oi*ia$$5 %arrie *ou3$es as !e$$ as *o%%on8$a! %arriages in !hi*h 3ar"ners $i'e "oge"her !i"hou" an oi*ia$ %arriage $i*ense. 0o%en !ere %ore "han "hree"i%es as $i/e$5 "o 1e /i$$e 15 an in"i%a"e 3ar"ner as "he5 !ere "o 1e /i$$e 15 a s"ranger.0hen "his *o%3arison is res"ri*"e "o !o%en $ega$$5 %arrie, !o%en !ere %ore "hannine "i%es %ore $i/e$5 "o 1e /i$$e 15 an in"i%a"e 3ar"ner "han 15 a s"ranger.

In a s"u5 o J s3ousa$ ho%i*ies, so*io$ogis" Pe"er 6hi%1os oun seua$ @ea$ous5 "o 1e a 3ro%inen" %o"i'e. 6onsier "he o$$o!ing i'e a**oun"s 15 hus1ans !ho !ere"r5ing "o e3$ain !h5 "he5 /i$$e "heir !i'es.

She o"en *a$$e %e a a%ne %u"e,? @us" running %e o!n $i/e "ha". Man5 "i%es she!ou$ *a$$ %5 %o"her an "e$$ her a1ou" %e 1eing %u"e? an no goo. She a$so hareuse seua$ re$a"ionshi3s !i"h %e an !en" ou" !i"h o"her %en.

Her inie$i"5 rea$$5 1o"here %e. She ha gone ou" !i"h o"her %en. I" !as a1ou" "!o!ee/s 1eore "he in*ien" /i$$ing !hen she sai "o %e2 I !an" 5ou "o $ea'e.? Then I sai

"o her2 0ha" o 5ou %ean? She re3$ie2 Don?" 5ou /no! "ha" 5ou are no" !an"e?Then I 1ough" a ri$e "o *o%%i" sui*ie 1u" I ne'er i.

She !ou$ hu%i$ia"e %e in ron" o o"hers on 3ur3ose. She /ne! I !ou$n?" argue inron" o o"hers an she sai nas"5 "hings "o %e. A" "i%es she "rie "o 1e$i""$e %e a1ou" %5seua$ 3eror%an*e. She i no" en@o5 se !i"h %e, 1u" I ne'er ha an5 *o%3$ain"s ro%o"her !o%en. I s"ar"e "o 1e$ie'e "ha" I !as i%3o"en". I "rie "o "a$/ !i"h her a1ou" our 3ro1$e% 1u" she !ou$ ignore %e.

You see, !e !ere a$!a5s arguing a1ou" her e"ra%ari"a$ aairs. Tha" a5 !as so%e"hing%ore "han "ha". I *a%e ho%e ro% !or/ an as soon as I en"ere "he house I 3i*/e u3

%5 $i""$e augh"er an he$ her in %5 ar%s. Then %5 !ie "urne aroun an sai "o %e2You are so a%ne s"u3i "ha" 5ou on?" e'en /no! she is so%eone e$se?s *hi$ an no"5ours.? I !as sho*/eC I 1e*a%e so %a, I "oo/ "he ri$e an sho" her.

0e go" %arrie on a Sa"ura5. She "oo/ "he !ho$e re*e3"ion as a @o/e. She !as rea$$5'u$gar an nas"5 a$$ a5 an she !an"e "o "a/e her *$o"hes o in ron" o e'er51o5. I"hin/ she !as hur" 1e*ause her 3aren"s i no" *o%e "o "he !eing. >a"er "ha" a5 I sa!her 1eing rien$5 !i"h an e81o5rien o hers !ho% she ha in'i"e "o "he !eing. I



s"ar"e ha'ing ou1"s a1ou" her. I /no! she !as a 3ros"i"u"e 1eore. An5!a5, "ha" nigh"!hen !e !en" "o 1e I as/e her !h5 she a*"e "ha" !a5 uring "he re*e3"ion. Then shere3$ie "o %e2 You are a 1$oo5 "ri*/ @us" $i/e "he o"hers.? A" "ha" %o%en" I !as soasha%e o her an e$" so hu%i$ia"e "ha" I *ou$n?" "a/e i" an5%ore. Then I 3u" %5hans aroun her ne*/ an *ho/e her "o ea"h.

In "his s"u5, <9 3er*en" o "he /i$$ers issue "hrea"s "o "he 'i*"i%s on "he a5 o "he/i$$ing, an ;< 3er*en" s"a"e "ha" "heir uarre$s a" "he "i%e o "he ho%i*ie *en"ere onseua$ reusa$s or e"ra%ari"a$ aairs. Inie$i"5 an seua$ re@e*"ion igure 3ro%inen"$5in %an5 s3ouse /i$$ings. #o" a$$ $e"ha$ 'io$en*e is ire*"e a" "he %a"e, ho!e'er, nor is a$$$e"ha$ 'io$en*e *o%%i""e 15 %en. 6onsier "he o$$o!ing *ase.

In "he s%a$$ #or"h Teas "o!n o Mansie$ near For" 0or"h, Diane La%ora an Da'iraha% $ure Arianne Gones "o a re%o"e $a/e roa !here "he5 1ea" her !i"h a u%11e$$an sho" her in "he hea. Diane La%ora ha a33aren"$5 *on'in*e her 1o5rien, Da'i,"o *o$$a1ora"e on "his $e"ha$ a*". The *a"a$5s" !as seua$ @ea$ous5. Arianne Gones ha ha

se !i"h Da'i, o%en"ing a ero*ious rage in Diane. In orer "o *on"inue "here$a"ionshi3, Diane insis"e "ha" Da'i he$3 /i$$ her seua$ ri'a$. The5 !ere 1o"h*on'i*"e o 3re%ei"a"e %urer an sen"en*e "o $ie in 3rison.

These are ini'iua$ *ases, o *ourse, 1u" a !ie 'arie"5 o s"uies 3oin" "o @ea$ous5 as "he 3ri%ar5 %o"i'e or /i$$ing 3ar"ners an ri'a$s. The is*o'er5 o inie$i"5 an "he ina$i"5o ening "he re$a"ionshi3 are "he %os" *o%%on *a"a$5s"s.

Mar"in Da$5 an Margo 0i$son *o%3i$e e'ien*e ro% a 'arie"5 o sour*es "o su33or""his *on*$usion. In a s"u5 o J: %ari"a$ *on$i*"s $eaing "o %urer in De"roi", "he5is*o'ere "ha" "!o8"hirs !ere *o%%i""e 15 %en. O "hese, +9 %en /i$$e "heir !ie or

inie$i"5 or sus3e*"e inie$i"5. Se'en"een %en /i$$e "heir ri'a$ or sus3e*"e ri'a$. T!o%en /i$$e "heir !i'es, a$$ege$5 in se$8eense. An "!o ga5 %en in "he sa%3$e /i$$e"heir %a$e $o'er 1e*ause o his inie$i"5.

0o%en /i$$ 1e*ause o @ea$ous5, 1u" a" a ar $o!er ra"e. On$5 si !o%en in "he sa%3$e/i$$e "heir hus1an 1e*ause o his inie$i"5. Three /i$$e a ri'a$ !o%an. #ine !o%en/i$$e "heir hus1ans in se$8eense, a"er "he %en 1e*a%e 'io$en" a"er a**using "he% oseua$ inie$i"5. An "he a%i$5 %e%1ers o !o%en /i$$e "!o %en !hi$e eening "he!o%en agains" "heir 'io$en" 3ar"ners.

O"her s"uies re3or" si%i$ar resu$"s. Pe"er 6hi%1os *onu*"e in"ensi'e in"er'ie!s !i"h

-; 3er3e"ra"ors o s3ouse /i$$ings in 6anaa. The 3ri%ar5 sour*e o *on$i*", a**oring "ohis su%%ar5, !as seua$ %a""ers (aairs an reusa$s&, !hi*h o**urre in = o "hese*ases, or :J 3er*en". The %a@ori"5 o "hese *ou3$es (& ha 1een se3ara"e as a resu$" oinie$i"5 an ha ei"her re*on*i$e or ha "a$/e a1ou" re*on*i$ing. 6o%1ine, "hese "!os"uies 3oin" "o seua$ @ea$ous5 as a /e5 *ause o 3ar"ner /i$$ing in #or"h A%eri*a.

Do "hese inings genera$ie "o o"her *u$"ures an *oun"ries In one s"u5 o *our" re*orsin "he Suan, <; ou" o - *ases o %a$e83er3e"ra"e s3ousa$ ho%i*ie !ere e3$i*i"$5



a""ri1u"e "o @ea$ous5. In a s"u5 o Uganan ho%i*ies "ha" in*$ue, 1u" !ere no"res"ri*"e "o, s3ousa$ ho%i*ie, seua$ @ea$ous5 an au$"er5 ran/e as "he "hir $eaing%o"i'e, @us" shor" o ro11er5 an 3ro3er"5 is3u"es.

The %os" e"ensi'e *ross8*u$"ura$ s"u5 ea%ine "he *our" "ria$ "rans*ri3"s o J--

ho%i*ies a%ong a 'arie"5 o Ari*an *u$"ures, in*$uing "he Ti', Soga, isu, #5oro,>u5ia, an >uo. #ine"58one o "hese *ases e3$i*i"$5 re3or"e e"re%e seua$ @ea$ous5,inie$i"5 o "he s3ouse, or "he !ie $ea'ing "he hus1an as "he 3ri%ar5 %o"i'e or "heho%i*ie. This is sure$5 an uneres"i%a"e o @ea$ous ho%i*ies, ho!e'er, sin*e in %an5*ases a $arge 3er*en"age o "he /i$$ings are a""ri1u"e %ere$5 "o run/en argu%en"s,!i"h "he rea$ issue o *on"en"ion $e" uns3e*iie.

The se*on %os" e"ensi'e non80es"ern s"u5 ea%ine "he *our" re*ors o <Jho%i*ies o**urring in "he Be$gian 6ongo. In %an5 *ases, no %o"i'e !as e3$i*i"$5re*ore, 1u" or "hose "ha" i s3e*i5 a %o"i'e, %a$e seua$ @ea$ous5 o%ina"e "hea**oun"s. O "hese, J= !ere ue "o "he %an?s @ea$ous5, an on$5 one "o "he !o%an?s

@ea$ous5. These 9 *ases !ere 1ro/en o!n in"o su1"53es2 +9 hus1ans /i$$e "heir !i'es,her aair 3ar"ner, or 1o"h as a resu$" o seua$ inie$i"5 + /i$$e 3ar"ners !ho ha ei"hereser"e "he%, or !ere "hrea"ening "o $ea'e "he re$a"ionshi3 - /i$$e or%er !i'es a"er"hose !i'es ha su**eee in o1"aining a i'or*e an - /i$$e "he ne! hus1ans !hen"heir e8!i'es re%arrie. Mis"resses an engage 3ar"ners o no" es*a3e "he !ra"h o%a$e seua$ @ea$ous5, as "he ea"hs o +- su*h !o%en a""es". The one !o%an !ho /i$$eas a resu$" o @ea$ous5 %urere her hus1an?s %is"ress. Ma$e seua$ @ea$ous5 !asnot

i%3$i*a"e in on$5 *ases in "he en"ire sa%3$e o s3ousa$ ho%i*ies. In a$$ "heseins"an*es "he %o"i'es !ere $e" uns3e*iie, $eaing one "o sus3e*" "ha" so%e !ere 3ro1a1$5 3ro'o/e 15 seua$ @ea$ous5 as !e$$.

Gea$ous5, "he angerous 3assion s3urre 15 inie$i"5 or eser"ion, un$eashes a ur5agains" "he 3ar"ner or in"er$o3er unri'a$e 15 an5 o"her e%o"ion. So%e"i%es i" resu$"s inea 1oies.

An Evolutionary E$*lanation for Mate 0illing

Ho! *an !e *o%3rehen "he re3u$si'e a*" o /i$$ing a %a"e Mar"in Da$5 an Margo0i$son oer an e3$ana"ion "ha" %a5 1e $a1e$e "he s$i38u3 h53o"hesis. A**oring "o"his e3$ana"ion, s3ousa$ ho%i*ie is no" aa3"i'e, nor has i" e'er 1een aa3"i'e or "he 3er3e"ra"ors. Ins"ea, ea 1oies resu$" ro% s$i3s in a angerous ga%e o 1rin/%anshi3.Men use 'io$en*e "o *on"ro$ !o%en an "o 3re'en" "he% ro% $ea'ing, a**oring "o "his

argu%en". In orer "o %a/e "hrea"s *rei1$e, a*"ua$ 'io$en*e has "o 1e use. So%e"i%es"he 'io$en*e ge"s ou" o han an resu$"s in a ea s3ouse. To uo"e Da$5 an 0i$sonire*"$52 Men . . . s"ri'e "o *on"ro$ !o%en . . . !o%en s"rugg$e "o resis" *oer*ion an "o%ain"ain "heir *hoi*es. There is 1rin/%anshi3 an ris/ o isas"er in an5 su*h *on"es",anho#icides 0y spouses of either sex #ay 0e considered slips in this dangerous ga#e .The5 e$a1ora"e in a $a"er 3u1$i*a"ion2 "he a"a$ ou"*o%e in "hese ho%i*ies s3ousa$/i$$ings is h53o"hesie "o 1ean epipheno#enal product of psychological processes that

were selected for their nonlethal outco#es . Men use 'io$en*e "o *on"ro$ !o%en, an "he



3s5*ho$og5 1ehin 'io$en" *on"ro$ has ser'e a useu$ 3ur3ose or our %a$e an*es"ors.Bu" so%e"i%es "he 'io$en*e ge"s ou" o han, an resu$"s in 5sun*"iona$$5 e"re%e%anies"a"ions "ha" are *$ear$5 *oun"er3rou*"i'e. Does "his e3$ana"ion suare !i"h"he a*"s, or is a %ore is"ur1ing *on*$usion !arran"e

Goshua Dun"$e5 an I ha'e 3ro3ose an a$"erna"i'e "o "he 0i$son8Da$5 s$i38u3?h53o"hesis. 0e s"ar"e 15 ea%ining "he /no!n a*"s a1ou" s3ousa$ ho%i*ie an as/ing!he"her "he s$i38u3 h53o"hesis e3$ains "he%. Man5 ho%i*ies are 3re%ei"a"e, orea%3$e, an o no" see% $i/e %ere a**ien"s or s$i3s.

A *o%%on rerain o /i$$ers "o "heir 'i*"i%s !hi$e "he5 are s"i$$ a$i'e is, I I *an?" ha'e5ou, no1o5 *an. One Aus"ra$ian %an, !ho /i$$e his !ie a %on"h a"er she $e" hi%,sai2 I !as in $o'e !i"h Margare", an she !ou$ no" $i'e !i"h %e an5%ore. I /ne! i"!as a$$ inishe so I 1ough" "he ri$e "o shoo" her an "hen /i$$ %5se$. I I *an?" ha'e her,no1o5 *an. In ano"her *ase, an I$$inois %an issue "he o$$o!ing "hrea" "o his !ie a"ershe ha i$e or i'or*e 1u" 1eore "he i'or*e 1e*a%e oi*ia$2 I s!ear i 5ou e'er

$ea'e %e, I?$$ o$$o! 5ou "o "he ens o "he ear"h an /i$$ 5ou. Unor"una"e$5, "his %an%ae goo on his 3ro%ise an /i$$e his !ie in her ho%e.

I s3ousa$ %urers are rea$$5 @us" s$i38u3s in a angerous ga%e o *oer*i'e "hrea"s an*on"ro$, !h5 o %an5 s3ousa$ ho%i*ies see% 3$anne an 3re%ei"a"e Dun"$e5 an Iargue "ha" %en ha'e e'o$'e a %a"e8/i$$ing %ou$e, a 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ %e*hanis% !hoseun*"ion is no" "hrea" or e"erren*e, 1u" ra"her "he $i"era$ ea"h o a %a"e. Ho! *ou$/i$$ing one?s %a"e e'er ha'e 1een a'an"ageous "o our an*es"ra$ orea"hers 0e sugges"se'era$ 3ossi1$e 1enei"s "ha" !ou$ ha'e $o!e "o /i$$ers uner so%e *ir*u%s"an*es.Firs", in a 3o$5g5nous %a"ing *on"e", !here a %an %igh" ha'e se'era$ !i'es, /i$$ing one!ie as a resu$" o an inie$i"5 or ee*"ion *ou$ 3re'en" o"her !i'es ro% *hea"ing or

$ea'ing.

Se*on, in so%e *u$"ures, a %an?s re3u"a"ion !ou$ ha'e suere so e"ensi'e$5 as aresu$" o a !ie?s inie$i"5 "ha" /i$$ing her !ou$ 1e "he on$5 %eans o sa$'aging $os"honor. Ki$$ing an unai"hu$ !ie so%e"i%es res"ores a %an?s honor. As Da$5 an 0i$sonno"e, #o" inreuen"$5, %en sa$'age so%e o "heir $os" honor 15 /i$$ing an un*has"e !ie. . . an "he %a$e seu*er. Shrin/ing ro% su*h 'engean*e %a5 e'en a "o "heirishonor.

Thir, a seua$ inie$i"5 %a5 ha'e in$i*"e su*h a se'ere *os" on a %an in "he *urren*5o 3a"erni"5 un*er"ain"5 an "he asso*ia"e %isire*"ion o his in'es"%en"s, "ha" /i$$ing"he !o%an %a5 ha'e 1een a 'ia1$e %eans o s"an*hing "he *os"s. I she is 3regnan" !i"hano"her %an?s *hi$, he a$so hur"s his ri'a$?s re3rou*"i'e su**ess.

Our our"h argu%en" hinges on "he a*" "ha" one o "he %a@or "riggers o %a"e /i$$ing is anirre'o*a1$e $oss o "he re$a"ionshi3. 0hen a !o%an ina$$5 *on'in*es her 3ar"ner "ha"she?s $ea'ing or goo, "he $oss %a5 1e so su1s"an"ia$ "ha" i" 3ushes "he %an o'er "he egein"o en"er"aining ho%i*ia$ "hough"s.



The ina$ en o "he re$a"ionshi3, in su%, his"ori*a$$5 %a5 ha'e 3u" "he %an in "ri3$e @eo3ar5 in "he *urren*5 o re3rou*"ion. He $os" en"ire$5 his a**ess "o her re3rou*"i'e*a3a1i$i"ies. He suere se'ere an 3ossi1$5 irre3ara1$e re3u"a"iona$ a%age as a resu$"o "he $oss. An i "he !o%an !as a" a$$ esira1$e, i" !as $i/e$5 "ha" she !ou$ re%arr5, so"ha" a %an?s $oss !ou$ ha'e 1een his ri'a$?s gain. His sa%e8se ri'a$ 1enei"e in ire*"

3ro3or"ion "o "he origina$ %an?s $oss.

A**oring "o "his "heor5, o'er "he $ong *ourse o hu%an e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5, i" has 1eenre3rou*"i'e$5 a'an"ageous or %enin so#e circu#stances "o /i$$ an erran" 3ar"ner,es3e*ia$$5 !hen "he ina$i"5 o her e3ar"ure sin/s in. A /e5 3rei*"ion o$$o!s2 0o%enshou$ 1e %os" a" ris/ o 1eing /i$$e !hen "he5 ha'e a*"ua$$5 ee*"e ro% "here$a"ionshi3, or !hen "he5 ha'e s"a"e uneui'o*a$$5 "ha" "he5 are $ea'ing or goo.

Ironi*a$$5, 0i$son an Da$5, "he 3ro3onen"s o "he o33osing s$i38u3 "heor5, 3ro'ie "he%os" *o%3e$$ing a"a in su33or" o our E'o$'e Ho%i*ie Mou$e Theor5. In "heirana$5sis o "he +,--- %a"e ho%i*ies in 6anaa, es"range or se3ara"e !i'es are ro%

i'e "o se'en "i%es %ore $i/e$5 "o ge" /i$$e 15 3ar"ners "han !o%en !ho are s"i$$ $i'ing!i"h "heir hus1ans. The se3ara"ion "i%e a33ears "o 1e *ru*ia$. 0o%en are a" grea"es" ris/in "he irs" "!o %on"hs a"er se3ara"ion, !i"h ;< 3er*en" o "he !o%en ho%i*ie 'i*"i%s 1eing /i$$e uring "his in"er'a$, an u$$5 =+ 3er*en" !i"hin "he irs" 5ear a"er se3ara"ion.

Resear*h *onu*"e in "hree se3ara"e *oun"ries#e! Sou"h 0a$es, Aus"ra$ia (+=9: +=:9&, 6hi*ago (+=9J+==&, an 6anaa (+=<;+==&*onir%s "hese 3a""erns.

In 6hi*ago, or ea%3$e, ;; 3er*en" o "he !o%en ho%i*ie 'i*"i%s !ho ha se3ara"e!ere /i$$e !i"hin "he irs" "!o %on"hs o e3ar"ure, an <: 3er*en" !ere /i$$e !i"hin"he irs" 5ear. Si%i$ar 3er*en"ages !ere oun or 6anaa an Aus"ra$ia. These resu$"s

*on'e5 a !arning "ha" shou$ 1e heee 15 a$$ !o%en on "he 'erge o se3ara"ion2 "he irs"e! %on"hs a"er es"range%en" are es3e*ia$$5 angerous, an 3re*au"ions shou$ 1e "a/enor a" $eas" a 5ear. Men o no" a$!a5s a*" on "hrea"s "o /i$$ es"range !i'es, o *ourse, 1u"su*h "hrea"s shou$ a$!a5s 1e "a/en serious$5.

0i$son an Da$5 in"er3re" "hese resu$"s "o %ean "ha" %en "hrea"en "heir !i'es in orer "o*on"ro$ "he% an 3re'en" "heir e3ar"ure. In orer "o %a/e su*h a "hrea" *rei1$e, a*"ua$'io$en*e has "o 1e *arrie ou". The5 are unou1"e$5 *orre*" "ha" %en so%e"i%es use"hrea"s an 'io$en*e "o a*hie'e *on"ro$ an e"er ee*"ion. Here is !ha" one 6hi*ago!o%an e*$are, !hen as/e 15 a rien !h5 she i no" $ea'e her hus1an a"er he ha 1a""ere her %an5 "i%es2 I *an?", 1e*ause he?$$ /i$$ us a$$, an he?s going "o /i$$ %e.Men unou1"e$5 use 'io$en" "hrea"s "o 3re'en" !o%en ro% $ea'ing.

#one"he$ess, "here %us" 1e %ore "o "he s"or5 o $e"ha$ 'io$en*e, so%e"hing 1e5on "heesire "o eer" *on"ro$. This e'ien*e su33or"s "he "heor5 "ha" es"range%en", es3e*ia$$5!hen "he hus1an?s $oss is *o%3oune 15 a ri'a$?s gain, %a5 ha'e 1een one o "he %os"se'ere *os"s "ha" a hus1an *ou$ in*ur. Ho%i*ie %a5 ha'e 1een an aa3"i'e %e"ho oreu*ing "his *os". As is"ur1ing as "his iea is, !e %us" *onron" "he e%ons o hu%anna"ure i !e are e'er "o uners"an an 3re'en" "he a1horren" a*" o !ie8/i$$ing.



La's A"out S*ousal Homiide

In "r5ing "o *o%e "o a *on*e3"ua$ gri3 on "he 3ro1$e% o %a"e %urer, ano"her sour*e oe'ien*e *o%es ro% $a!s "hroughou" "he $an "ha" ha'e *oiie $e"ha$ 'io$en*e agains" 3ar"ners. I" is *$ear "ha" "he $a!s on "he 1oo/s "hroughou" "he !or$ i%3$i*i"$5

a*/no!$ege "ha" "he is*o'er5 o a 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5 is so%e"i%es 'ie!e as a@us"iia1$e *ause o %a"e /i$$ing, an hen*e eser'ing o $ess se'ere or%s o 3unish%en" "han o"her %urers. As Da$5 an 0i$son s"a"e, au$"er5 is !ie$5 *ons"rue"o @us"i5 his resor"ing "o 'io$en*e "ha" !ou$ in o"her *ir*u%s"an*es 1e ee%e*ri%ina$. A%ong "he Ya3ese, or ea%3$e, a hus1an !ho *augh" his !ie in 1e !i"hano"her %an ha "he righ" "o /i$$ her an "he au$"erer or "o 1urn "he% in "he house.Si%i$ar 3ro'isions his"ori*a$$5 ha'e 1een %ae in 6hina, Ga3an, an o"her Asian*oun"ries.

In "he s"a"e o Teas un"i$ +=<;, "he $a!s !ere $enien" or /i$$ing a !ie !ho s"ra5e.A**oring "o "he Teas 3ena$ *oe, su*h %urers !en" un3unishe !hen *o%%i""e 15

"he hus1an u3on "he 3erson o an5one "a/en in "he a*" o au$"er5 !i"h "he !ie, 3ro'ie "he /i$$ing "a/es 3$a*e 1eore "he 3ar"ies "o "he a*" o au$"er5 ha'e se3ara"e.Si%3$5 3u", i" !as no" a *ri%e "o /i$$ "he $o'ers i 5ou i so 1eore "he5 go" ou" o 1e.In #e! Mei*o an U"ah un"i$ "he +=<s, a hus1an !ho oun his !ie na/e in 1e!i"h ano"her %an an /i$$e "he% !as a*ui""e, sin*e in "he e5es o "he *our", no *ri%eha 1een *o%%i""e.

His"ori*a$ Eng$ish $a! re'ea$s si%i$ar 3ro'isions. The /i$$ing o an au$"erous !ie use"o 1e ee%3" ro% "he usua$ *harge o %urer, an ins"ea "he *harge !as reu*e "o "he$o!es" or% o %ans$augh"er on "he grouns "ha" "here *ou$ no" 1e a grea"er 3ro'o*a"ion. This is a33aren"$5 s"i$$ "he $a! "hroughou" %u*h o "he Eng$ish8s3ea/ing

!or$, !hi*h re$ies on "he reasona1$e %an s"anar. As one $ega$ s*ho$ar es*ri1e "hisno"ion2 "he @uges ha'e gone a *onsiera1$e !a5 "o!ars es"a1$ishingso ar as "he $a!o 3ro'o*a"ion is *on*ernea s"anar 3or"ra5a$ o "he %a/e8u3 an rea*"ions o "hereasona1$e %an. The5 sa5 he is no" i%3o"en" an he is no" nor%a$$5 run/. He oes no"$ose his se$8*on"ro$ on hearing a %ere *onession o au$"er5, 1u" he 1e*o%es un1a$an*ea" "he sigh" o au$"er5 3ro'ie, o *ourse, "ha" he is %arrie "o "he au$"eress.

In "he Uni"e S"a"es "oa5, /i$$ing a !ie or her $o'er is *onsiere a *ri%ina$ a*", 1u" "hea*"ua$ 3ena$"ies $e'ie agains" su*h /i$$ers "en "o 1e %ore $enien" "han or o"her "53es o/i$$ings. Guries usua$$5 is3$a5 s5%3a"h5 or hus1ans !ho ha'e /i$$e !hen is*o'ering"heir !ie in a na/e e%1ra*e !i"h ano"her %an. So%e 3rose*u"ors e*ie no" "o 3ursue

su*h *ases in $igh" o "he $i/e$5 sen"i%en"s o "he @uries.

>a!%a/ers an e'er5a5 @urors a33aren"$5 1e$ie'e "ha" s"u%1$ing u3on *arna$ e'ien*eo au$"er5 is a 3ro'o*a"ion so se'ere "ha" %an5 ra"iona$ %en !ou$ resor" "o e"re%e'io$en*e. The $ega$ s5s"e% see%s i%3$i*i"$5 "o a*/no!$ege "he ee3 roo"s o %en?sho%i*ia$ na"ure.

Women Who Are Most +ulnera"le to Homiide



#o" a$$ !o%en are eua$$5 'u$nera1$e "o ge""ing /i$$e. 0o%en !ho are 5oung, !ho ha'esu1s"an"ia$$5 o$er hus1ans, or !ho ha'e *hi$ren ro% or%er %a"eshi3s are es3e*ia$$5a" ris/.

Youth and Fertility of the Woman

0hen %a"e /i$$ing o**urs in s3e*ii* *ir*u%s"an*es, i" 3ro'ies *$ues "o "he esign o%urerers? %ins. One *ir*u%s"an*e is "he age o "he 3ar"ner. Young !o%en "en "o 1e%ore er"i$e "han o$er !o%en, an !e /no! "ha" 5ou"h igures 3ro%inen"$5 in %en?s%a"ing esires. Young !o%en are %ore a""ra*"i'e "o a %an?s ri'a$s, !ho are "hereore%ore $i/e$5 "o $ir", *har%, or "r5 "o $ure "he% a!a5 ro% "heir eis"ing 3ar"ners. Men%a"e "o 5oung !o%en are %ore o"en surroune 15 en*roa*hing *o%3e"i"ors, !hi*h"ri3s "he @ea$ous5 s!i"*h.

Young !o%en, 1e*ause "he5 "en "o 1e esira1$e, are in "he 1es" 3osi"ions in "heir $i'es "ose*ure a esira1$e %a"e. A" no o"her "i%e in a !o%an?s $ie oes she ha'e %ore o3"ions.

A""e%3"s "o s!i"*h %a"es"o in a 1e""er %a"e "o re3$a*e her *urren" %a"e%a5 1e%os" ee*"i'e uring "his s"age. Their hus1ans see% "o 1e a!are "ha" "he5 %a5 1ee3ena1$e.

In Da$5 an 0i$son?s s"u5 o s3ousa$ ho%i*ies in 6anaa ro% +=<; "o +=:-, !o%enuner "he age o !ere "!o an a ha$ "i%es %ore $i/e$5 "o 1e /i$$e "han !o%en 1e"!een "he ages o an ;=. A"er "he age o J, !hen %os" !o%en are 3os"%eno3ausa$, "he s3ousa$ ho%i*ie ra"e ro3s again in ha$. These inings o no"ini*a"e "ha" %en 'ie! 5oung !o%en as $a*/ing in !or"hui"e "he o33osi"e. I"?s 3re*ise$5 1e*ause a %an 'a$ues his 5oung 1rie so %u*h "ha" he 1e*o%es ana"i*a$ ina""e%3"ing "o *on"ro$ an /ee3 her.

May-December Marriages

0hen a %an is su1s"an"ia$$5 o$er "han his 3ar"ner, he %a5 1e es3e*ia$$5 'u$nera1$e "o 1eing *u*/o$e an a1anone or "!o reasons. Firs", !o%en usua$$5 !an" %en !ho areon$5 a e! 5ears o$er "han "he5 are, no" %en su1s"an"ia$$5 o$er. 0o%en %arrie "o%u*h o$er %en %a5 "hereore ha'e a esire "ha" re%ains unu$i$$e. Se*on, a 5oung!ie is $i/e$5 "o e$i*i" %ore in"eres" ro% o"her %en, o3ening u3 %ore reuen"o33or"uni"ies "o s!i"*h %a"es. I %en %arrie "o !o%en *onsiera1$5 5ounger ha'e a%ore "enuous ho$, an "heir %a"es are in a*" %ore 3rone "o ee*"ion, "hen s3ousa$ho%i*ie shou$ sho! a reuen*5 s3i/e in Ma58De*e%1er %arriages.

A%ong "he s3ousa$ ho%i*ies in Mia%i in +=:, = 3er*en" o "he /i$$ings o**urre in%arriages !here "he age is*re3an*5 !as + 5ears or %ore. Si%i$ar s"a"is"i*s !erere3or"e o s3ousa$ ho%i*ies in Hous"on (J 3er*en"&, 6hi*ago (- 3er*en"&, De"roi" (- 3er*en"&, Bri"ain (+: 3er*en"&, S*o"$an (+J 3er*en"&, an #e! Sou"h 0a$es, Aus"ra$ia (+= 3er*en"&. The $arges" sa%3$e o s3ousa$ ho%i*ies, a "o"a$ o +,<;=, re'ea$e "ha" 3er*en" o**urre in %arriages !i"h an age is*re3an*5 o + 5ears or %ore.



#o" a$$ o "he Ma58De*e%1er ho%i*ies *an 1e e3$aine 15 "he "heor5 "ha" %en %igh"ha'e an e'o$'e %a"e8/i$$ing %ou$e. So%e s3ouse /i$$ings are %o"i'a"e 15 gree, so%e*a"a$5e 15 3a"ho$og5. So%e %a5 e'en 1e a**ien"a$, as Da$5 an 0i$son *$ai%. Bu" "hea*" re%ains "ha" %os" 5oung !o%en %arrie "o o$er %en ha'e $o"s o %a"ing o3"ions,are $i/e$5 "o 1e seua$$5 a""ra*"e "o "he %an?s ri'a$s, an %a5 1e "e%3"e "o $ea'e "he

re$a"ionshi3*ir*u%s"an*es "ha" our E'o$'e Ho%i*ie Mou$e Theor5 3rei*"s !i$$rener !o%en %ore 'u$nera1$e "o $e"ha$ 'io$en*e.

Women with Children from a Previous Partner

Fro% a %an?s 3ers3e*"i'e, !o%en !i"h *hi$ren ro% a 3re'ious 3ar"ner ha'e a 3or"iono "heir resour*es "ie u3. In re3rou*"i'e *urren*ies, "his *rea"es *on$i*" 1e"!een "he!o%an an her ne! 3ar"ner. I" e"ra*"s ro% "he resour*es "ha" she has "o in'es" in hi%an his *hi$ren. A is"ur1ing s"a"is"i* a""es"s "o "his *on$i*"2 5oung s"e3*hi$ren are ; "o+ "i%es %ore $i/e$5 "o 1e /i$$e "han *hi$ren resiing !i"h "!o 1io$ogi*a$ 3aren"s.Does "his *on$i*" a$so s3i$$ o'er in"o "he %ari"a$ re$a"ionshi3 i"se$, %a/ing "he !o%an

!i"h *hi$ren ro% a 3re'ious 3ar"ner %ore a" ris/

Da$5 an his *o$$eagues e3$ore "his issue in Ha%i$"on, On"ario. Mo"hers !i"h *hi$rena"here 15 a or%er 3ar"ner !ere +.< "i%es %ore $i/e$5 "o 1e /i$$e 15 "heir ne! 3ar"ner"han !o%en !i"h *hi$ren a"here on$5 15 "heir *urren" 3ar"ner. Man5 o "hese %urerso**urre !hen "he !o%an ha $e" "he re$a"ionshi3, or !as in "he 3ro*ess o $ea'ing. Hereare a e! o "hese *ases2 One !o%an !as s$ain ; a5s a"er %o'ing ou", an ano"her !as/i$$e !hi$e !a$/ing "o !or/ ro% a she$"er "o !hi*h she ha %o'e J a5s 3re'ious$5.Ano"her *ou3$e share "he %ari"a$ ho%e !hi$e i'or*ing "he ho%i*ie o**urre ++ a5sa"er "he i'or*e !as ina$ie !hi$e "he 'i*"i% !as 3a*/ing her 1e$ongings. Three %ore!o%en !ere /i$$e !hi$e re"rie'ing 1e$ongings ro% "he %ari"a$ ho%e a"er ha'ing

%o'e ou" !i"hin "he 3re'ious %on"h . . . "!o !ere in 3ossession o res"raining orersagains" "heir hus1ans 1e*ause o 3rior "hrea"s an assau$"s, an ano"her !as /i$$e 15 ahus1an a$rea5 a!ai"ing "ria$ or a 3rior assau$" agains" her . . . One !ie !as sho" !hi$es$ee3ing a !ee/ a"er e%aning a i'or*e. A se*on !as a$$ege$5 3$anning "o $ea'e, orso her /i$$er 1e$ie'e, !hen he ro!ne "he s"e3son in "he 1a"h !hi$e she !as a" !or/an s"a11e her "o ea"h on her re"urn ho%e . . . ano"her !as /i$$e a"er %a/ing ana33oin"%en" !i"h a $a!5er "o is*uss "he $ogis"i*s o %ari"a$ se3ara"ion. The 3resen*e os"e3*hi$ren ro% 3re'ious 3ar"ners 3u"s !o%en a" s3e*ia$ ris/, es3e*ia$$5 !hen "he5 areee*"ing ro% "he re$a"ionshi3.

Homiidal 5antasies

A ina$ sour*e o e'ien*e on "his is"ur1ing "heor5 o s3ousa$ ho%i*ie *o%es ro%resear*h Goshua Dun"$e5 an I ha'e 1een *onu*"ing on ho%i*ia$ "hough"s. 0e in "ha"%os" 3eo3$e ha'e ha "he "hough" o /i$$ing so%eone e$se a" one 3oin" or ano"her in "heir$i'es. For"una"e$5, %os" 3eo3$e o no" a*" on "hese "hough"s. Ho%i*ia$ "hough"s are"housans o "i%es %ore *o%%on "han a*"ua$ /i$$ings. #one"he$ess, ho%i*ia$ "hough"sa$%os" in'aria1$5 3re*ee a*"ua$ ho%i*ies. Po"en"ia$ /i$$ers !or/ ou" "he an"as5 in "heir%ins, en'ision "he !ea3ons o es"ru*"ion, "he s"e38158s"e3 s*enario o *arr5ing i" ou",



an o"en es"a1$ish an a$i1i. I O. G. Si%3son /i$$e his es"range !ie, #i*o$e Bro!nSi%3son, he %a5 ha'e rehearse i" in his %in oens o "i%es, as re'ea$e 15*ir*u%s"an"ia$ e'ien*e. Prior "o "he /i$$ing, he ha arrange a 3$ane $igh" "o 6hi*ago,!hi*h he 1oare shor"$5 a"er "he /i$$ing. B5 "he "i%e "he 1o5 !as is*o'ere, he *ou$e*$are "ha" he ha 1een hunres o %i$es a!a5 an so *ou$ no" 3ossi1$5 ha'e /i$$e

her. I hu%ans ha'e e'o$'e a 3s5*ho$og5 o /i$$ing, "hen 3re%ei"a"ions are sure$5 3ar"o "ha" 3s5*ho$og5.

I Dun"$e5 an I are *orre*", "hen "hough"s o %urering a 3ar"ner shou$ 1e "riggere 15"!o *ri"i*a$ e'en"s2 "he is*o'er5 o seua$ inie$i"5 15 a %a"e an "he a*"ua$ 3er%anen"e3ar"ure o a %a"e. Our resear*h re'ea$s "ha" %en?s %a"e8/i$$ing an"asies are "riggere 3re*ise$5 15 "hese "!o e'en"s, !hi*h 'as"$5 o'ershao! a$$ o"her %a"e8/i$$ing *a"a$5s"s.Here are a e! sa%3$es o !ha" %en in our s"u5 re3or"e2

Man2 Age ;. Vi*"i%2 ir$rien. Reason2 0e$$, !e go" in"o a igh" a1ou" her *hea"ing on%e. This %ae %e "hin/ "ha" i I *an?" ha'e her a$$ "o %5se$, "hen no one !i$$. I "hough"

a1ou" "a/ing a gun an shoo"ing her in "he a*e. I in?" @us" !an" "o /i$$ her I !an"e "oes"ro5 her 1eau"5.

Man2 Age --. Vi*"i%2 ir$rien. Reason2 She a%i""e "o *hea"ing on %e. 0e in?""a$/ or a !ee/. Then !e !en" "o a 1ar, ha a e! rin/s, an %ae u3. 0e s"ar"es$ee3ing "oge"her again. The ne" %on"h, she *a%e ho%e a" "hree in "he %orning s%e$$ing$i/e se. I "hough" "ha" a goo !a5 or her "o ie !ou$ 1e in a ier5 *ar *rash, so I !ou$*u" her 1ra/e $ine. I a$so "hough" "ha" i" !ou$ 1e ni*e "o ge" a s5ringe i$$e !i"h "he HIV'irus an in@e*" i" in"o her.

#ei"her o "hese %en, as ar as !e /no!, a*"e on "heir ho%i*ia$ "hough"s. Bu" our

s"uies o ho%i*ia$ "hough"s a%ong "housans o %en sho! *on*$usi'e$5 "ha" a $o" o%en s"ar" "hin/ing o /i$$ing !hen "he5 *a"*h "heir 3ar"ner *hea"ing or !hen "he5 ge"un*ere%onious$5 u%3e.

0ha" *an !e *on*$ue ro% "his e'ien*e I" !ou$ *er"ain$5 1e 3re%a"ure "o *on*$ue"ha" !e /no! !i"h *er"ain"5 "ha" %en ha'e e'o$'e a si"ua"iona$$5 "riggere %a"e8/i$$ing 3s5*ho$og5. Perha3s Da$5 an 0i$son are *orre*" in "heir s$i38u3 "heor5. Bu" !e /no!"ha" %en?s ho%i*ia$ "hough"s o**ur in s3e*ii* 3rei*"a1$e *ir*u%s"an*es. 0e /no! "ha""he an"asies in'o$'e /i$$ing, no" %ere$5 hur"ing or e"erring. 0e /no! "ha" "he "hough"so**ur !i"h so%e reuen*5 an "a/e u3 a signii*an" a%oun" o %en?s a""en"ion "ha" *ou$ 1e e'o"e "o o"her 3ro1$e%s. I %en o ha'e an e'o$'e %a"e8/i$$ing %in, "hen !e%us" a*e "his is"ur1ing e'i$ o hu%an na"ure un$in*hing$5. 0e nee "o /no! "he %inso "he /i$$ers a%ong us in orer "o 3re'en" "he% ro% a*"ing on "heir an"asies. On$5 15uners"aning "he hien roo"s o %a"e %urers *an !e ho3e "o reu*e "heir o**urren*e.

0e %us" no! %o'e "o ano"her s3ira$ in "he *o8e'o$u"ion o %en an !o%en an e3$ore"he e'en"s "ha" $ea "o @ea$ous5, "he 3assions "ha" $ea a 3ar"ner "o s"ra5.



CHAPTER 6

Se*re"s an >ies

I "hin/ a %an *an ha'e "!o, %a51e "hree aairs !hi$e he is %arrie. Bu" "hree is "hea1so$u"e %ai%u%. A"er "ha", 5ou are *hea"ing.

Y'es Mon"an

I # THE PREVIOUS 6HAPTERS, !e e3$ore "he 3s5*ho$og5 o @ea$ous5 an i"s

%ore es"ru*"i'e %anies"a"ions, in*$uing "he "rea*herous a1use o s3ouses an "hehorri5ing /i$$ing o 3ar"ners. Bu" our @ea$ous na"ure *anno" 1e u$$5 a33re*ia"e !i"hou" aee3 uners"aning o !h5 @ea$ous5 e'o$'e "o 1egin !i"h"he na"ure o "he "hrea"s i"e'o$'e "o een agains". This *ha3"er e3$ores "he na"ure o inie$i"5.

On Fe1ruar5 :, +==<, Moni*a >e!ins/5 en"ere "he O'a$ Oi*e or her ina$ seua$en*oun"er !i"h "he Presien", Bi$$ 6$in"on. The Presien" ga'e her a e! gi"s, an "hen . .. a**oring "o >e!ins/5?s "es"i%on52

0e !en" 1a*/ o'er 15 "he 1a"hroo% in "he ha$$!a5, an !e /isse. 0e !ere /issing anhe un1u""one %5 ress an on$e %5 1reas"s !i"h %5 1ra on, an "hen he "oo/ "he%ou" o %5 1ra an !as /issing "he% an "ou*hing "he% !i"h his hans an !i"h his%ou"h. An "hen I "hin/ I !as "ou*hing hi% in his geni"a$ area "hrough his 3an"s, an I"hin/ I un1u""one his shir" an !as /issing his *hes". An "hen . . . I !an"e "o 3eror%ora$ se on hi% . . . so I i . . . An . . . "hen he 3ushe %e a!a5, /in o as he a$!a5s

i 1eore he *a%e, an "hen I s"oo u3 an I sai . . . I *are a1ou" 5ou so %u*h . . . Ion?" uners"an !h5 5ou !on?" $e" %e . . . %a/e 5ou *o%e i"?s i%3or"an" "o %e I %ean,i" @us" oesn?" ee$ *o%3$e"e, i" oesn?" see% righ".

The5 hugge an $oo/e a" ea*h o"her, an "he Presien" sai, I on?" !an" "o isa33oin"5ou. Then, Moni*a >e!ins/5 *on"inue "o 3eror% ora$ se on "he 3resien" "o*o%3$e"ion. Su1seuen" $a1ora"or5 "es"s re'ea$e "ha" "he se%en s"ain on "he ress>e!ins/5 !ore "ha" a5 *on"aine D#A "ha" %a"*he "he Presien"?s, 3ro'iing



in*on"ro'er"i1$e e'ien*e o a se*re" aair "ha" "he "!o ha 1een *arr5ing on ro% #o'e%1er +J, +==J, "hrough "heir ina$ en*oun"er on Fe1ruar5 :, +==<.

0ha" !as s"ri/ing a1ou" "he >e!ins/586$in"on aair !as nei"her "he sa$a*iousness o "heseua$ a*"s, nor "he a*" "ha" Bi$$ 6$in"on !as %arrie. Aairs are *o%%on3$a*e an %os"se 3ar"ners engage in ora$ se. 0ha" !as arres"ing !as "he sheer 'o$u%e o 3u1$i*a""en"iona eeing ren5 o unsee%$5 o1sessionin !ha" in near$5 an5 o"her *on"e"!ou$ 1e a ra"her 1ana$ seuen*e o e'en"s. Vie!e ro% an e'o$u"ionar5 3ers3e*"i'e,ho!e'er, e! o%ains ha'e grea"er re3rou*"i'e *onseuen*es "han "he se $i'es oo"hers. As a resu$", !e a""en "o, an re%e%1er %os" 'i'i$5, e'en"s !i"h re3rou*"i'ere3er*ussions. A%eri*ans? a33aren" o1session !i"h e'er5 $uri e"ai$ o "he seua$en*oun"ers o Presien" 6$in"on an Moni*a >e!ins/5, an no" !i"h e'er5 e"ai$ o, sa5,6$in"on?s go$ ga%e, re'ea$s "his an*ien" hu%an in"eres".

0h5 !ou$ a %an or !o%an ris/ so %u*hs"a"us, re3u"a"ion, honor, %arriage, *hi$ren,an e'en 3ersona$ sae"5or a e! %inu"es o seua$ gra"ii*a"ion Ho! *an !e e3$ain"he 3u$ing 3er'asi'eness o inie$i"5 "ha" 'io$a"es "he %ari"a$ 'o!s

The !revalene of (nfidelity

The 3re'a$en*e o inie$i"5 has 1een e"ensi'e$5 resear*he, 1u" ieren" s"uies 3rou*e !ie$5 'ar5ing es"i%a"es. Shere Hi"e 3u" "he ra"es as high as < 3er*en", !hi$eo"hers su*h as Anre! ree$e5 asser"e "ha" on$5 J "o + 3er*en" o %arrie 3eo3$e*hea"e. There are se'era$ 3ro1$e%s !i"h e"er%ining 3re*ise ra"es. Firs", inie$i"5 is"53i*a$$5 *on*ea$e an 3eo3$e are re$u*"an" "o "a$/ a1ou" i". In "he *$assi* Kinse5 s"u5

on seua$i"5, "he in"er'ie! ues"ions a1ou" inie$i"5 *ause %an5 3ar"i*i3an"s "o!i"hra! ro% "he s"u5, an o "hose !ho re%aine, ues"ions a1ou" inie$i"5 !ereo"en $e" unans!ere.

Se*on, "he %e"hos use 15 s"uies o inie$i"5 'ar5 *onsiera1$5. So%e s"uiese'a$ua"e inie$i"5 ra"es a*ross "he en"ire s3an o "he %arriage, !hereas o"hers res"ri*" "he"i%e in"er'a$ "o "he 3re'ious 5ear o %arriage. So%e use an in"er'ie! or%a" o"hers useanon5%ous ues"ionnaires. One s"u5 !as 3ar"i*u$ar$5 re'ea$ing a1ou" "he re$u*"an*e o 3eo3$e "o a%i" "o aairs. The au"hors ea%ine <J ini'iua$s !ho en"ere "hera35 anoun "ha" - 3er*en" ini"ia$$5 a%i""e "o seua$ inie$i"ies. During in"ensi'e "hera35!i"h "he sa%e 3eo3$e, ho!e'er, an ai"iona$ - 3er*en" re'ea$e *$anes"ine $iaisons,

1ringing "he "o"a$ igure or "his sa%3$e u3 "o 9 3er*en". 6$ear$5, "he %e"hos use, "i%era%e se$e*"e, an $e'e$ o "rus" in "he resear*her a$$ ae*" es"i%a"es o inie$i"5.

M5 o!n es"i%a"e, a'erage a*ross s"uies, is "ha" a33roi%a"e$5 "o ; 3er*en" oA%eri*an !o%en an - "o J 3er*en" o A%eri*an %en ha'e a" $eas" one aair o'er "he*ourse o "he %arriage. E'en "hese igures, ho!e'er, uneres"i%a"e "he $i/e$ihoo "ha"at

least one partner in the #arriage !i$$ 1e unai"hu$. An"hon5 Tho%3son o 0es"ern



Aus"ra$ian Ins"i"u"e o Te*hno$og5 argues "ha" "he 3ro1a1i$i"5 "ha" ei"her "he hus1anor

!ie !i$$ ha'e an aair ("he aair ra"e or "he *ou3$e& %a5 1e as high as <9 3er*en".

A$"hough "he igures or %en an !o%en *hea"ing a" $eas" on*e are air$5 *$ose, %en 1rea/ "heir %ari"a$ 'o!s o ie$i"5 %ore reuen"$5. raha% S3anier, o "he S"a"e

Uni'ersi"5 o #e! Yor/ a" S"on5 Broo/, an Ranie Margo$is, o Har'ar Mei*a$S*hoo$, oun "ha" 9 3er*en" o "he %en, 1u" on$5 J 3er*en" o "he !o%en, ha aairs!i"h "hree or %ore 3ar"ners. A u$$ 9; 3er*en" o !o%en !ho ha'e aairs ha'e "he% !i"hon$5 one 3ar"ner, !hereas on$5 ;- 3er*en" o "he %en !ho ha'e aairs res"ri*" "he%se$'es"o a sing$e 3ar"ner.

6$ear$5, 1o"h %en an !o%en ha'e aairs, 1u" "he se ieren*e shou$ no" 1e has"i$5is%isse. I /ee3 a i$e o ne!s ar"i*$es a1ou" se s*ana$s. Mos" in'o$'e %arrie %en,o"en in 3osi"ions o 3o!er, !ho use "heir s"a"us "o a""ra*" se 3ar"ners o"her "han "heir!i'es. A re*en" ea%3$e2 Four"h 0o%an A**uses uru? o Se. A Hinu guru inHous"on is a**use o *on'in*ing ea*h o our !o%en "ha" she %us" ha'e se !i"h hi%

"o *$eanse her !o%1 o e'i$ s3iri"s. He a33aren"$5 "o$ ea*h no" "o %en"ion "hesee3isoes "o his !ie, sin*e she a33aren"$5 go" angr5 a" "he *$eansing ri"ua$s. Four !o%enso ar ha'e *o%e or!ar "o *o%3$ain "ha" he a1use his 3osi"ion as a re$igious a'iser "o%ani3u$a"e "he% in"o ha'ing se.

In %5 i$es, *o$$e*"e o'er a s3an o 5ears, I oun no" a sing$e *ase o a %arrie !o%ana1using her 3osi"ion o 3o!er "o se*ure se !i"h %u$"i3$e %en. Perha3s !e on?" heara1ou" "he%. Perha3s "he5 !i$$ e%erge as !o%en assu%e %ore 3osi"ions o 3o!er. i'en!ha" !e /no! a1ou" "he gu$ 1e"!een "he sees in unai"hu$ esires, ho!e'er, I !ou$n?" 1e" on i".

Lust in the Heart

Aair ra"es uneres"i%a"e "he ra"es o *hea"ing hear"s. I%agine an a""ra*"i'e 3erson o "heo33osi"e se !a$/ing u3 "o 5ou an sa5ing, Hi, I?'e 1een no"i*ing 5ou aroun "o!n$a"e$5, an I in 5ou 'er5 a""ra*"i'e, an "hen as/ing one o "hree ues"ions2 0ou$ 5ougo ou" on a a"e !i"h %e "onigh" 0ou$ 5ou go 1a*/ "o %5 a3ar"%en" !i"h %e0ou$ 5ou ha'e se !i"h %e O "he !o%en a33roa*he in a s"u5 "ha" a*"ua$$5 3ose"hese ues"ions, J 3er*en" agree "o go ou" on a a"e !i"h "he %an 9 3er*en" agree "ogo 1a*/ "o his a3ar"%en" an 3er*en" agree "o ha'e se !i"h hi%. Mos" !o%en"hough" i" 1iarre or a %an "o a33roa*h "he% ou" o "he 1$ue an as/ or se. Meniere. O "he %en a33roa*he 15 "he a""ra*"i'e e%a$e, J 3er*en" agree "o go ou" on

a a"e !i"h her 9= 3er*en" agree "o go 1a*/ "o her a3ar"%en" an <J 3er*en" agree "oha'e se !i"h herC The %en !ho reuse !ere "53i*a$$5 a3o$oge"i*, *i"ing a 3re'iousengage%en" !i"h 3aren"s or a ian*e. So%e as/e or a rain *he*/. This is one o %an5s"uies "ha" re'ea$ una%en"a$ ieren*es 1e"!een "he sees in "he esire or a 'arie"5 oieren" se 3ar"ners.

The @ourna$is" #a"a$ie Angier ues"ions "hese resu$"s, arguing "ha" !o%en !ou$ ho3 in"o 1e as easi$5 as %en in "hese si"ua"ions, 1u" are e"erre 15 a *on*ern or "heir 3ersona$



sae"5. Russe$$ 6$ar/ o "he Uni'ersi"5 o #or"h Teas e3$ore "his 3ossi1i$i"5. Firs", here3$i*a"e "he s"u5 on a ieren" sa%3$e in a ieren" 3ar" o "he *oun"r5, an "he resu$"s!ere a$%os" ien"i*a$ %ore %en "han !o%en !ere !i$$ing "o ha'e se !i"h a 'ir"ua$s"ranger. Se*on, 6$ar/ no"es "ha" rough$5 ha$ "he !o%en in ea*h s"u5 !ere ui"e!i$$ing "o go ou" on a a"e !i"h "he s"rangers, !hi*h see%s 3u$ing i "he5 !ere

*on*erne a1ou" "heir sae"5. Thir, !hen 6$ar/?s e3eri%en"ers as/e "he 3ar"i*i3an"s "oes*ri1e "he reason or "heir reusa$ (i "he5 reuse&, !o%en?s an %en?s ans!ers !erenear$5 ien"i*a$ 1o"h %en"ione "ha" "he5 ha a 1o5rien or gir$rien, or "ha" "he5 ino" /no! "he 3erson !e$$ enough.

Perha3s a a"e see%s saer "han se an !o%en rea$$5 o !an" se !i"h s"rangers, i on$5"he5 *ou$ 1e assure o "heir sae"5. To e3$ore "his 3ossi1i$i"5, 6$ar/ *onu*"e 5e"ano"her e3eri%en". Men an !o%en 3ar"i*i3an"s !ere *on"a*"e 15 a *$ose 3ersona$rien !ho "es"iie a1ou" "he in"egri"5 an *hara*"er o "he s"ranger. The 3ar"i*i3an"s!ere assure 15 "heir riens "ha" "he o"her 3erson !as !ar%, sin*ere, "rus"!or"h5, ana""ra*"i'e. The 3ar"i*i3an"s !ere "hen as/e one o "!o ues"ions2 0ou$ 5ou 1e !i$$ing

"o go on a a"e or 0ou$ 5ou 1e !i$$ing "o go "o 1e A"er 1eing e1riee, 3ar"i*i3an"s !ere as/e or "heir reasons or "heir e*ision.

The o'er!he$%ing %a@ori"5 o 1o"h sees agree "o "he a"e2 =+ 3er*en" o "he !o%enan =9 3er*en" o "he %en. As or "he se, ho!e'er, a 1ig ieren*e e%erge2 J 3er*en"o "he %en, 1u" on$5 J 3er*en" o "he !o%en agree. #o" a sing$e !o%an ini*a"e a*on*ern or sae"5. 6$ear$5, %a/ing *oni"ions saer or !o%en in*reases "he os "ha""he5 !i$$ *onsen" "o se !i"h a s"rangerro% 3er*en" "o J 3er*en"so sae"5 *on*ernsare no" irre$e'an". Bu" "he se ieren*e re%ains grea". Mos" !o%en agree "o a"es"rangers !hen a *$ose rien 'ou*hes or "he %an?s !ar%"h an in"egri"5, 1u" =J 3er*en"s"i$$ reuse "o *onsen" "o se.

The ieren*e isnot "ha" !o%en are *o5, !hi*h !ou$ i%3$5 a a$se sh5ness, a 3re"enseo $a*/ o in"eres", or a *hi$$i/e *oue""ishness. An i"?s no" "ha" !o%en $a*/ in"eres" inse. On*e a !o%an %a/es "he e*ision "o s$ee3 !i"h a %an, "here is no reason "o "hin/"ha" her se ri'e is no" as high as his. The e'ien*e is *o%3e$$ing, ho!e'er, "ha" %os"!o%en are *areu$ a1ou" !ho% "he5 *hoose "o s$ee3 !i"h, an or "he %os" 3ar" a'oi @u%3ing in"o 1e !i"h "o"a$ s"rangers. Men are %ore !i$$ing. Mos" %en res3one "o "heseua$ reues" 15 sa5ing, 0ha" "i%e or 0h5 no" an "hen as/ing or "he reues"er?s"e$e3hone nu%1er an ire*"ions "o her house.

These ieren*es ho$ !i"h eua$ or*e in $us" or aairs. In one s"u5 15 Ra$3h Gohnsono Sa*ra%en"o S"a"e 6o$$ege, ;: 3er*en" o A%eri*an %en, 1u" on$5 J 3er*en" oA%eri*an !o%en, e3resse a esire "o engage in e"ra%ari"a$ se. In a *$assi* o$ers"u5 15 >e!is Ter%an o <9= A%eri*an %en an << A%eri*an !o%en, < 3er*en" o"he %en, 1u" on$5 < 3er*en" o "he !o%en, a%i""e "ha" "he5 so%e"i%es esire se !i"hso%eone ou"sie o "heir %arriage. er%ans re'ea$ si%i$ar "enen*ies2 ;9 3er*en" o%arrie %en 1u" on$5 9 3er*en" o %arrie !o%en a%i" "ha" "he5 !ou$ "a/e a'an"ageo a *asua$ seua$ o33or"uni"5 !i"h so%eone e$se i "he *han*e arose. More re*en" s"uies



15 Da'i 05a"" Sea$ an his *o$$eagues a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o #e! Mei*o sho! si%i$arse ieren*es.

0o%en, o *ourse, %a5 1e %ore re$u*"an" "o *onie "heir seua$ esires "o a sur'e5or, so"he igures are $i/e$5 "o uneres"i%a"e !o%en?s au$"erous i%3u$ses. #one"he$ess, "he se

ieren*e 3ro'es so ro1us" a*ross s"uies an %e"hos o inuir5 "ha" "here is no reason"o ou1" "ha" %en an !o%en ier in esire.

The esires o %en ha'e a s"raigh"or!ar e3$ana"ion 1ase on e'o$'e seua$s"ra"egies. His"ori*a$$5, %en?s re3rou*"i'e su**ess !as $i%i"e 3ri%ari$5 15 "he nu%1ero er"i$e !o%en "he5 *ou$ su**essu$$5 inse%ina"e. The grea"er "he seua$ a**ess "o a'arie"5 o !o%en, "he grea"er "he re3rou*"i'e su**ess. The insa"ia1$e esire or a 'arie"5o se 3ar"ners e'o$'e as a 3o!eru$ 3assion in %en, e3ressing i"se$ in a hos" o 1eha'iors ranging ro% 3a"roniing 3ros"i"u"es "o inu$ging in inie$i"5.

Se$ual 5antasies

Seua$ an"asies 3ro'ie ano"her 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ !ino! in"o se*re" esires. Fan"asies areno" 1eha'iors, o *ourse, 1u" "he5 re'ea$ so%e"hing a1ou" "he esires "ha" %o"i'a"e 1eha'ior. As e'o$u"ionar5 3s5*ho$ogis" Dona$ S5%ons o "he Uni'ersi"5 o 6a$iornia a"San"a Bar1ara no"es in a re$a"e *on"e"2 E'en i on$5 one i%3u$se in a "housan is*onsu%%a"e, "he un*"ion o $us" is "o %o"i'a"e seua$ in"er*ourse. Resear*h *onu*"ein Ga3an, rea" Bri"ain, an "he Uni"e S"a"es sho!s "ha" %en ha'e rough$5 "!i*e as%an5 seua$ an"asies as !o%en. 0hen as$ee3, %en are %ore $i/e$5 "han !o%en "orea% a1ou" seua$ e'en"s. 0o%en %a5 1e %ore re$u*"an" "o a%i" "o su*h an"asies,e'en on an anon5%ous ues"ionnaire, 1u" a re3or"ing 1ias is $ess a1$e "o e3$ain "he*on"en" o "he an"asies.

Men?s seua$ an"asies %ore o"en in*$ue s"rangers, %u$"i3$e 3ar"ners, an anon5%ous 3ar"ners. During a sing$e an"as5 e3isoe, %os" %en re3or" "ha" "he5 so%e"i%es *hangeseua$ 3ar"ners, !hereas %os" !o%en re3or" "ha" "he5 rare$5 *hange seua$ 3ar"ners.For"58"hree 3er*en" o !o%en 1u" on$5 + 3er*en" o %en re3or" "ha" "he5 ne'er su1s"i"u"eor s!i"*h seua$ 3ar"ners uring a an"as5 e3isoe. 0hen as/e, Ha'e 5ou ha o'er+, seua$ an"asies in 5our $ie"i%e so ar - 3er*en" o %en 1u" on$5 : 3er*en" o!o%en re3or" nu%1ers "his high.

Here is one sa%3$e an"as5 ro% a 85ear8o$ %an !ho !or/s in 6onne*"i*u" sai$ing 1oa"s or a $i'ing2 I an"asie a1ou" ha'ing "he %ai%u% nu%1er o !o%en a" one "i%e

"ha" I *an. I /no! I !on?" 1e a1$e "o sa"is5 ea*h o "he% seua$$5, 1u" as i"?s %5 an"as5 i"rea$$5 oesn?" %a""er . . . I?% $5ing on %5 1a*/ in 1e. I?% "o"a$$5 na/e. M5 $egs ares3rea !ie a3ar" an %5 ar%s are s"re"*he ou" a1o'e %5 hea. A 1e'5 o si 1eau"iu$!o%en !a$/ in"o "he roo%. The5?re a$$ s$i% an na/e. M5 *o*/, !hi*h has a$rea5s"ar"e "o s"ien, 1e*o%es "o"a$$5 ere*" as "he5 s"an aroun "he 1e . . . The irs" !o%an*ra!$s on"o "he 1e an s"ra$es %5 s"o%a*h . . . she ho$s %5 *o*/ an guies i" in"oher 3uss5, %o'ing her 1o5 s$o!$5 u3 an o!n so "ha" %5 *o*/ s$ies ee3 in"o her . . .Shor"$5, she %o'es a!a5 ro% %e an si"s on "he ege o "he 1e. Then "he ne" !o%an



oes ea*"$5 "he sa%e "hing, 1u" "his "i%e "here is one ieren*e. 0hen she su*/s %5*o*/, i" is *o'ere !i"h "he $o'e @ui*es o "he 3re'ious !o%an, an "ha" e*i"es %egrea"$5. A"er ea*h !o%an has one "he sa%e "o %e, I ha'e a$rea5 3ene"ra"e ea*h o"he% !i"h %5 *o*/. The an"as5 *on"inues in "his 'ein, !i"h gra3hi* es*ri3"ions o ea*h!o%an?s 1o5 an "he 'arious seua$ *o%1ina"ions an 3er%u"a"ions he *arries ou" !i"h

ea*h.

#u%1ers, 'arie"5, an no'e$"5 o%ina"e %en?s an"asies. Men o*us on 1o5 3ar"s anseua$ 3osi"ions s"ri33e o e%o"iona$ *on"e". Ma$e seua$ an"asies are hea'i$5 'isua$,o*using on s%oo"h s/in, 1reas"s, geni"a$s, "highs, an 1u""o*/s. During seua$ an"as5, :+ 3er*en" o %en 1u" on$5 ;- 3er*en" o !o%en o*us on 'isua$ i%ages ra"her "han ee$ings.Men an"asie a1ou" a""ra*"i'e !o%en !i"h $o"s o e3ose s/in !ho sho! signs o eas5a**ess an no *o%%i"%en". As Bru*e E$$is an Dona$ S5%ons o1ser'e, The %os"s"ri/ing ea"ure o %a$e an"as5 is "ha" se is sheer $us" an 3h5si*a$ gra"ii*a"ion,e'oi o en*u%1ering re$a"ionshi3s, e%o"iona$ e$a1ora"ion, *o%3$i*a"e 3$o" $ines,$ir"a"ion, *our"shi3, an e"ene ore3$a5. Men?s an"asies re'ea$ a %in a""une "o se

!i"h %an5 3ar"ners.

0o%en?s seua$ an"asies, $i/e %en?s, 'ar5 !ie$5, an no "!o are a$i/e, 1u" "he5 are%ore $i/e$5 "han %en?s "o *on"ain a%i$iar 3ar"ners. A e! !o%en, o *ourse, so%e"i%es*ra'e !ha" "he !ri"er Eri*a Gong es*ri1e in (ear of (lying as "he i3$ess u*/,anon5%ous se !i"h a s"ranger on "he "rain. More o"en, "hough, !o%en?s an"asies ha'e"hi*/er 3$o" $ines.

6onsier "his seua$ an"as5 re3or"e 15 Ga5ne, a =85ear8o$ !o%an2 I ha'e /no!n %5i%agine 3ar"ner or so%e "i%e, 1u" !e ha'e he$ o 1e*o%ing in"i%a"e un"i$ "his%o%en". He has s3en" "he a5 sho!ering %e !i"h a""en"ion, $is"ening "o %e o'er $un*h,

$oo/ing a" %e !i"h a 1urning esire as !e ha'e !a$/e "oge"her, han in han, a$ong*ro!e *i"5 sie!a$/s. #o!, 1a*/ a" %5 a3ar"%en", he ho$s %e *$ose an !his3ers hisee$ings or %e. He $e"s %e /no! "ha" I?% "he *en"er o his $ie, "he on$5 one !ho has e'er%ae hi% ee$ "his !a5. . . . Our /isses a" irs" are "ener, "hen !e 1o"h 1e*o%e %ore 3assiona"e. 0e *o$$a3se on "he $oor, 3u$$ing a" ea*h o"her?s *$o"hes, "hen 3ause in ourren5 an "a/e "i%e "o $oo/ a" ea*h o"her. 0hen our 1oies *o%e "oge"her, i"?s no" @us"se 1u" "he %erging o "!o 3eo3$e, hear"s an sou$s.

#o"i*e "he e%o"iona$ in"i%a*5, 3ri'a"e !his3ers, 3ersona$ a""en"ion, an 3s5*ho$ogi*a$*$oseness !i"h so%eone Ga5ne a$rea5 /ne!. #one o "hese ingreien"s 3er'ae "he"53i*a$ %an?s seua$ an"asies, !hi*h %ore o"en *en"er on ra! se !i"h s"rangers. Fi"58nine 3er*en" o A%eri*an !o%en 1u" on$5 : 3er*en" o A%eri*an %en re3or" "ha" "heirseua$ an"asies "53i*a$$5 o*us on so%eone !i"h !ho% "he5 are a$rea5 ro%an"i*a$$5 anseua$$5 in'o$'e. #o" a$$ !o%en?s an"asies, o *ourse, *en"er on %en "he5 a$rea5/no!.

Here is one ro% Bo11i, a %arrie !o%an in her -s, a1ou" a %an she ha ne'er %e"2I?% !i"h a %an I?'e ne'er %e" in rea$ $ie. He?s a *o!1o5 an an ani%a$ $o'er, se$8*onien" an s"rong, 5e" a$so "ener. 0e s3en "he !ho$e a5 "oge"her an is*o'er "ha"



!e ha'e %an5 *o%%on in"eres"s. He . . . is hanging on %5 e'er5 !or, an $oo/s a" %e!i"h 1urning esire. A" his ho%e, !e ea", rin/, $is"en "o %usi*, an*e *$ose. . . . He sa5s"ha" I?% "he on$5 one !ho has e'er %ae hi% ee$ "his !a5. This e*i"es %e an %a/es%e !an" hi%, "oo. His irs" /isses are gen"$e, an I re"urn "he% "ha" !a5. Then he /isses%e %ore aggressi'e$5, an I re"urn "ha" energ5. 0hen !e unress ea*h o"her, I no"i*e his

$ean, "au" s"o%a*h, his *on"oure $egs, his ar/ *hes" hair. As he *aresses %e, he %a/es%e ee$ !orshi3e, aore, sae, an 'er5 se5. He "a/es %e "o "he ege !i"h 1reas"s"i%u$a"ion an ora$ se, "hen "hrus"s insie %e. 0e *$i%a "oge"her, "hen *u$e in 1eor "he res" o "he a5, "a$/ing an "ou*hing.

E%o"ions an 3ersona$i"5 are *ru*ia$ or !o%en. A$"hough Bo11i?s an"as5 *en"ere no"on her hus1an 1u" on a %an she ha ne'er %e", "he5 on?" @us" @u%3 in"o 1e. The5 1ui$u3 "o se 15 ge""ing "o /no! ea*h o"her, sharing *o%%on in"eres"s, an*ing, an ea"ing.Bo11i 1e*o%es "he *en"er o "he %an?s esires, arousing hi% $i/e no o"her !o%an 1eoreher. He !orshi3s her, %a/es her ee$ sae an 3ro"e*"e, a$$ ua$i"ies "ha" signa$ e%o"iona$in'o$'e%en" an *o%%i"%en" o'er "i%e.

The or%a$ s"uies 1ear ou" "hese "he%es2 J< 3er*en" o !o%en 1u" on$5 += 3er*en" o%en re3or" "ha" "he5 o*us on ee$ings as o33ose "o 'isua$ i%ages. As one !o%ano1ser'e, I usua$$5 "hin/ a1ou" "he gu5 I a% !i"h. So%e"i%es I rea$ie "ha" "he ee$ings!i$$ o'er!he$% %e, en'e$o3 %e, s!ee3 %e a!a5. 0o%en e%3hasie "enerness,ro%an*e, an 3ersona$ in'o$'e%en" in "heir seua$ an"asies, 3a5ing %ore a""en"ion "o "he!a5 "heir 3ar"ner res3ons "o "he%.

Men?s an"asies, in *on"ras", o*us on seua$ 'arie"5, sin*e "hose %en in "he 3as" !ho!ere in*$ine in "his ire*"ion "ene "o re3rou*e %ore "han %en no" so in*$ine. I"?s no""ha" %en $a*/ "he esire "o %arr5, as as "he @ourna$is" #a"a$ie Angier an o"her *ri"i*s ha'e

%is*hara*"erie "he "heor5. I"?s "ha" %en are %ore $i/e$5 "han !o%en "o 1e on "he$oo/ou" or "he o**asiona$ *asua$ $ing in ai"ion "o !ha"e'er $ong8"er% *o%%i"%en"s"he5 %a/e.

I" sur3rises %e "ha" so%e ieo$ogues insis" "ha" "he sees are ien"i*a$ an "ha" !o%en$a*/ is*ern%en" !hen i" *o%es "o *asua$ se, @us" $i/e %en. The a"a on?" su33or" "hese 3osi"ions. 0o%en?s re3rou*"i'e resour*es are 3re*ious an ini"e, an an*es"ra$ !o%eni no" suaner "he% on @us" an5 rano% %an. O1'ious$5, !o%en on?" *ons*ious$5"hin/ "ha" s3er% are *hea3 an eggs are e3ensi'e. Bu" !o%en in "he 3as" !ho ai$e "oeer*ise a*u%en 1eore *onsen"ing "o se !ere $e" in "he e'o$u"ionar5 us" our an*es"ra$%o"hers use e%o"iona$ !iso% "o s*reen ou" $osers. >us" is one "hing a*"ing on i" isano"her. #o" a$$ 3eo3$e !ho e3erien*e e"ra%ari"a$ esires gi'e in "o "he%.

Suse*ti"ility to (nfidelity) Differenes in Attrativeness

0ha" "e$$"a$e signs re'ea$ a *hea"ing 3ar"ner So%e o "hese signa$s are o1'iousanune3$aine a1sen*e, a suen e*rease in seua$ in"eres", una%i$iar seua$ s*en"s on a 3ar"ner, an o3en $ir"a"ion !i"h o"hers, or *a"*hing "he 3ar"ner in a nue e%1ra*e !i"h aneigh1or. Man5 signa$s are %ore su1"$e, su*h as "he 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*s o a



3ar"ner. This se*"ion e3$ores !ho is sus*e3"i1$e "o inie$i"5 an !ha" *$ues "he5 $ea'e 1ehin.

0hen s"u5ing "he a'ian s3e*ies o e1ra in*hes, &oephia guttata% "he e'o$u"ionar5 1io$ogis" #an*5 Bur$e5 %ae a s"ri/ing is*o'er5. These 1irs !ere 3resu%e "o 1e

%onoga%ous, 3reerring "o %a"e !i"h a sing$e 3ar"ner or %an5 1reeing seasons. 0henshe %oni"ore "he 1irs o'er "he *ourse o se'era$ %on"hs, ho!e'er, she o1ser'e "ha"so%e %a$es in a*" *o3u$a"e !i"h se'era$ e%a$es, o"hers *o3u$a"e !i"h on$5 a sing$ee%a$e, an s"i$$ o"hers re%aine *e$i1a"e. She a$so o1ser'e "ha" "he e1ra in*hes 'ariein *o$ora"ion, an "ha" so%e *o$ors !ere %ore a""ra*"i'e "han o"hers.

Bur$e5 3eror%e an unusua$ e3eri%en" "ha" 3ro1a1$5 !ou$ 1e une"hi*a$ "o 3eror% onhu%ans. She *rea"e 1ans o ieren" *o$ors an 3$a*e "he% on "he $egs o "he 1irs.So%e %a$es !ere 1ane !i"h re *o$ors, !hi*h her o1ser'a"ions sugges"e !ere high$5a""ra*"i'e "o e%a$es. O"her %a$es !ere 1ane !i"h green, a *o$or $ess a""ra*"i'e "oe%a$es. For e%a$es, 1$a*/ 1ans see%e "o 1e "he %os" a""ra*"i'e "o %a$es, so so%e

!ere 1ane !i"h 1$a*/. O"hers re%aine un1ane. In "his %anner, Bur$e5 'arie "here$a"i'e a""ra*"i'eness o "he e1ra in*hes, an "hen o1ser'e "heir %a"ing 1eha'ior o'er"he o$$o!ing %on"hs. Foo !as reai$5 a1unan" in her $a1ora"or5 a'iar5, so i" i no" 3$a5 a ro$e in %a"ing.

She is*o'ere "!o in"riguing resu$"s !hen 1irs 3aire u3 !i"h "hose !ho !ere $ess or%ore a""ra*"i'e "han "he%se$'es. Firs", "he 1irs $o!er in a""ra*"i'eness e'o"e %oreeor" "han "he 1irs higher in a""ra*"i'eness "o "he *are an 3aren"ing o "heir os3ring*hi*/s. I" !as as i "he $ess esira1$e 1irs ha re*ognie "ha" "he5 ha "o *o%3ensa"eor "heir $o!er a""ra*"i'eness !i"h in*rease 3aren"a$ *are "he 1irs higher in %a"e 'a$ue!ere a1$e "o "rae "heir a""ra*"i'eness or a $igh"er !or/$oa. Se*on, "he %a$e e1ra

in*hes !ho !ere %ore a""ra*"i'e "han "heir 3ar"ners %ore o"en %a"e !i"h o"her e%a$e 1irs, en@o5ing e"ra3air $iaisons in ai"ion "o se !i"h regu$ar %a"es. The 1irs higherin %a"e 'a$ue, in essen*e, "rae "heir re$a"i'e$5 grea"er a""ra*"i'eness or in*reaseo33or"uni"ies or inie$i"5.

Do hu%ans sho! a si%i$ar 3a""ern The irs" e'ien*e or "he i%3or"an*e o a""ra*"i'enessieren*es or %ari"a$ inie$i"5 *a%e ro% a &sychology Today sur'e5. This s"u5 as/eea*h 3ar"i*i3an"2 Des*ri1e 5our 3ar"ner?s esira1i$i"52 Mu*h %ore esira1$e "han IS$igh"$5 %ore esira1$e "han I As esira1$e as I S$igh"$5 $ess esira1$e "han I Mu*h $essesira1$e "han I. Those higher in %a"e 'a$ue !ere eine as "hose !ho es*ri1e "heir 3ar"ners as s$igh"$5 $ess or %u*h $ess esira1$e "han "he%se$'es. Those $o!er in %a"e'a$ue !ere eine as "hose !ho es*ri1e "heir 3ar"ners as s$igh"$5 %ore or %u*h%ore esira1$e "han "he%se$'es.

The s"u5 a$so as/e "he 3ar"i*i3an"s ho! !i$$ing "he5 !ere "o engage in an e"ra%ari"a$seua$ re$a"ionshi3. I" 3ose "!o ues"ions2 Ho! soon a"er 5ou 1egan $i'ing !i"h 5our 3ar"ner i 5ou irs" ha'e se !i"h so%eone e$se (i 5ou ha'e ha se !i"h so%eone e$sea" a$$& 0i"h ho! %an5 3eo3$e ha'e 5ou ha e"ra%ari"a$ aairs o'er "he *ourse o 5ourre$a"ionshi3 Fi"58eigh" 3er*en" o "he 3ar"ners "urne ou" "o 1e !e$$ %a"*he, sho!ing



*o%3ara1$e $e'e$s o %a"e 'a$ue. 0ha" a1ou" "hose !ho !ere %is%a"*he, !here one 3ar"ner !as %ore esira1$e "han "he o"her The 3ar"ner higher in esira1i$i"5 "urne ou" "o 1e %ore $i/e$5 "o ha'e %ore e"ra%ari"a$ aairs !i"h %ore 3ar"ners "han "hose !ho !ere$o!er in esira1i$i"5. Fur"her%ore, "he %ore esira1$e 3ar"ner in ea*h 3air !as %ore$i/e$5 "o ha'e aairsearlier in "he %arriage. The5 1egan ha'ing aairs 9 "o : 5ears a"er

"he !eing. In *on"ras", "hose !ho !ere eui'a$en" or $o!er in esira1i$i"5 !ai"e + "o+J 5ears 1eore s"ar"ing an aair, i "he5 ha an aair a" a$$. >i/e e1ra in*hes, hu%anaairs see% "o 1e ae*"e 15 "he re$a"i'e %a"e 'a$ue o "he 3ar"ners.

In a %ore re*en" s"u5 o ne!$5!e *ou3$es, To Sha*/e$or an I e3$ore "hei%3or"an*e o a""ra*"i'eness ieren*es or sus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o inie$i"5 in %ore e"ai$. 0es"uie +< *ou3$es using "hree sour*es o a"a2 se$8re3or"s, 3ar"ner re3or"s, anin"er'ie!s !i"h ea*h *ou3$e. 0hen "he *ou3$es !ere 3h5si*a$$5 se3ara"e "o 3reser'e 3ri'a*5, !e as/e ea*h s3ouse "o es"i%a"e "he $i/e$ihoo "ha" "heir 3ar"ner !ou$ 3eror%'arious a*"s o inie$i"5 o'er "he *ourse o "he ne" 5ear. These in*$ue $ir"ing !i"h a%e%1er o "he o33osi"e se, 3assiona"e$5 /issing, going ou" on a ro%an"i* a"e, ha'ing a

one8nigh" s"an, ha'ing a 1rie aair, an ha'ing a serious aair. Su1seuen"$5, "he5 a$$es"i%a"e "heir o!n $i/e$ihoo o engaging in ea*h o "hese "53es o inie$i"5 o'er "he*ourse o "he ne" 5ear. Par"i*i3an"s !ere "hen as/e "!o ues"ions2 I "his e'en"o**urre, !ha" is "he 3ro1a1i$i"5 "ha" you !ou$ en "he re$a"ionshi3 I "his e'en"o**urre, !ha" is "he 3ro1a1i$i"5 "ha" your partner !ou$ en "he re$a"ionshi3

Fo$$o!ing "hese 3ri'a"e es"i%a"es, ea*h *ou3$e !as in"er'ie!e "oge"her 15 a 3air o"raine in"er'ie!ers, one %an an one !o%an, ra!n ro% a ro"a"ing "ea% o eigh"in"er'ie!ers. I%%eia"e$5 a"er "he in"er'ie!, "he s"a %e%1ers ine3enen"$5 @uge"he% on "heir o'era$$ a""ra*"i'eness as a 3o"en"ia$ %a"e, !hi*h !e eine as %ar/e"'a$ue "o o33osi"e se. The se3ara"e @ug%en"s o ea*h in"er'ie!er !ere "hen *o%1ine

"o or% an o'era$$ %easure o e'er5one?s %a"e 'a$ue. To e'a$ua"e issi%i$ari"5, !e "hen*a$*u$a"e "he is3ari"5 1e"!een "he %arrie 3ar"ners in "heir o'era$$ a""ra*"i'eness as a 3o"en"ia$ %a"e.

0e is*o'ere "ha" "he 3ar"ner higher in %a"e 'a$ue !as signii*an"$5 %ore $i/e$5 "o*o%%i" inie$i"5, *onir%ing "he resu$"s o "he &sychology Today s"u5. 0o%en %arrie"o %ore esira1$e %en, or ea%3$e, @uge i" %ore $i/e$5 "ha" "heir hus1ans !ou$ /iss,a"e, ha'e a one8nigh" s"an, an ha'e a 1rie aair !i"h so%eone e$se. Fur"her%ore, !eis*o'ere "ha" issi%i$ari"5 !as $in/e !i"h "he $i/e$ihoo o ening "he %arriage i "heir 3ar"ner ha an aair, 1u" "his !as on$5 "rue or "he %ore serious "53es o inie$i"5. I "he$ess esira1$e 3ar"ner $ir"e or /isse so%eone e$se, "his *ou$ 1e o'er$oo/e, or a" $eas"!ou$ no" resu$" in i'or*e. I "he $ess esira1$e 3ar"ner ha a one8nigh" s"an, 1rie aair,or a serious aair, ho!e'er, "he %ore esira1$e 3ar"ner !ou$ see/ a i'or*e. The $essesira1$e 3ar"ners, in *on"ras", !ou$ "o$era"e inie$i"5 15 "heir %ore esira1$e 3ar"neran s"a"e "ha" "he5 !ou$ no" see/ i'or*e.

These inings ha'e so%e egree o *ross8*u$"ura$ genera$i"5, as i$$us"ra"e 15 a s"u5 15Bra% Buun/ an his *o$$eagues o : Du"*h %en an +- Du"*h !o%en, a$$ %arrie,!i"h an a'erage age o ;+. The5 ea%ine "he ee*"s o re$a"i'e %a"e 'a$ue on a 3erson?s



esire or e"ra%ari"a$ se an on "heir a*"ua$ reuen*5 o e"ra%ari"a$ se. Desire !asassesse "hrough "his ues"ion2 Ho! %an5 "i%es i 5ou !an" "o ha'e se !i"h ano"her(!o&%an uring 5our %arriage or *oha1i"a"ion The5 !ere a$so as/e ho! %an5e"ra%ari"a$ 3ar"ners "he5 ha ha.

The ee*"s o re$a"i'e %a"e 'a$ue a$so 3ro'e es3e*ia$$5 s"rong or "he Du"*h !o%en.0o%en !ho 3er*ei'e "he%se$'es as higher in %a"e 'a$ue "han "heir 3ar"ners !ere %ore$i/e$5 "o e3ress a esire or e"ra%ari"a$ se an !ere %ore $i/e$5 "o a*" on "hoseesires. 0o%en !ho e$" "ha" "he5 !ere !e$$8%a"*he !i"h "heir 3ar"ners, eua$s in !ha""he5 1rough" "o "he %a"ing "a1$e, !ere "he $eas" $i/e$5 "o esire or engage in aairs. A$$"hese s"uies 3oin" "o a singu$ar *on*$usion2 "hose !ho are higher in %a"e 'a$ue arees3e*ia$$5 3rone "o inie$i"5.

The !rini*le of Diminishing .eturns

Ti%e an eor" in ea*h 3erson?s $ie are ini"e. >ie *an 1e 'ie!e as a series o e*isions

a1ou" ho! "o s3en one?s "i%e. Ti%e s3en" a" one a*"i'i"5 ne*essari$5 3re*$ues "i%e oro"hers. So%e o "he %os" i%3or"an" e*isions %en an !o%en a*e are ho! %u*h eor""o s3en 3ursuing 'arious $ie "as/s, su*h as ining a %a"e, ge""ing ahea in "he!or/3$a*e, an raising a a%i$5. Eor" e'o"e "o ge""ing ahea "a/es "i%e a!a5 ro% "hea%i$5. 0i"h ea*h a*"i'i"5, ho!e'er, !e rea*h a s"a"e o i%inishing re"urns, !hereai"iona$ eor" 5ie$s $ess an $ess 3a5o.

6onsier a si%3$e ea%3$e"i%e s3en" se*uring oo, ei"her "hrough hun"ing orga"hering. 6$ear$5, "he irs" e! %orse$s o oo are high$5 'a$ua1$e. The5 %a5 %a/e "heieren*e 1e"!een s"ar'ing an sur'i'ing. Su1seuen" 3or"ions o oo "he sa%e a5,ho!e'er, are 3rogressi'e$5 $ess 'a$ua1$e. In "he e"re%e *ase, "he hunre"h hun/ o %ea"

has a$%os" no 'a$ue i"?s $e" "o ro" unea"en. This $ogi* sugges"s "ha" "i%e s3en" sear*hingor oo is eor" "ha" sho!s i%inishing re"urns. #a"ura$ se$e*"ion shou$ ha'e *rea"ee*ision ru$es or s3ening a *er"ain a%oun" o eor" "o!ar ge""ing oo, 1u" "hen*easing "his a*"i'i"5 !hen "he re"urns i3 "oo $o!.

The sa%e $ogi* a33$ies "o "he "i%e an energ5 !e a$$o" "o!ar a""ra*"ing 3ar"ners, !ha"e'o$u"ionar5 1io$ogis"s *a$$ %a"ing eor". Ti%e an energ5 s3en" in enhan*ing one?sa33earan*e, "r5ing "o a""ra*" 3o"en"ia$ %a"es, an 3ursuing e"ra%ari"a$ aairs %a5 1e 3roi"a1$e u3 "o a 3oin", re3rou*"i'e$5 s3ea/ing, 1u" as a genera$ ru$e, ea*h ini'iua$!i$$ rea*h i%inishing re"urns. Ai"iona$ eor" s3en" enhan*ing one?s a33earan*e %a5%a/e on$5 a "ri'ia$ ieren*e, or ea%3$e, an so i"?s no" !or"h "he "i%e or ae

e3ense. The sa%e $ogi* a33$ies "o eor" e'o"e "o a""ra*"ing %a"es an se*uring aair 3ar"ners.

Bu" here is "he *a"*h2 "he ra"e o i%inishing re"urns e3ens hea'i$5 on "he %a"ingsu**ess o "he ini'iua$. A**oring "o "he "heor5 o i%inishing re"urns, "he %a"ing 3a5o or high$5 a""ra*"i'e %en shou$ 1e ar higher "han "he 3a5o or $ess a""ra*"i'e%en. A""ra*"i'e a*"ors su*h as Ma"" Da%on or Ben A$e*/ !ou$ a*hie'e %ore seua$su**ess 3er uni" o %a"ing eor" "han $ess a""ra*"i'e a*"ors su*h as S"e'e Bus*e%i or



0i$$ia% Ma*5. A %an?s a""ra*"i'eness "o !o%en, "hereore, shou$ in$uen*e his e*isionsa1ou" ho! %u*h eor" "o s3en on %a"ing.

To in ou", Da'i 0a5nor"h a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o #e! Mei*o "es"e J9 %en in !es"ernBe$ie, a 3reo%inan"$5 Ma5an 3o3u$a"ion "ha" has 1een re$a"i'e$5 iso$a"e. The 'i$$ages

s"uie, San An"onio an 6ris"o Re5, !ere ina**essi1$e e*e3" 15 *anoe, a" $eas" un"i$re*en"$5. Their 3ri%ar5 %oe o su1sis"en*e is "hrough s$ash8an81urn agri*u$"ure, a 3ro*ess /no!n a%ong "he Be$ie 3o3u$a"ion as %i$3a. 0hen 0a5nor"h s"uie "heBe$ieans, a$$ "he %arriages !ere assu%e "o 1e %onoga%ous, a$"hough a e! o "he %enha 1een %arrie an i'or*e an re%arrie. Des3i"e "he nor% o %onoga%5, so%e %enha e"ra%ari"a$ aairs.

0a5nor"h in"er'ie!e "he %en e"ensi'e$5 a1ou" ho! "he5 s3en" "heir "i%e !hen no"!or/ing. The "!o %a@or *a"egories !ere "i%e s3en" !i"h a%i$5 an /in an %a"ingeor", !hi*h in "his *ase !as res"ri*"e "o "i%e e'o"e "o *asua$ 3i*/u3s. The "i%es3en" !i"h a%i$5 an /in in*$ue *hores one aroun "he house, "i%e s3en" !i"h one?s

!ie, an "i%e s3en" !i"h si1$ings, 3aren"s, gran3aren"s, an *hi$ren. The "i%e s3en" on*asua$ en*oun"ers in*$ue a$$ "i%e s3en" in si"ua"ions !here "he %en !ere $i/e$5 "o %ee"o"her !o%en. T!o %en hanging ou" a" a 'i$$age s"ore !as *oun"e as %a"ing eor", sin*e!o%en reuen" "he 'i$$age s"ore, an i" !as *$ear ro% "he %en?s 1eha'ior "ha" "he5 !ere"here "o a""ra*" !o%en. 0a5nor"h 3ho"ogra3he ea*h %an, an "hen su1seuen"$5 hahi% ra"e 15 a 3ane$ o @uges or a*ia$ a""ra*"i'eness.

The resu$"s su33or"e "he "heor5 o i%inishing re"urns. More a""ra*"i'e %en s3en" $i""$e"i%e a" ho%e !i"h !i'es an /in, 1u" s3en" a $o" o "i%e engage in a*"i'i"ies in !hi*h"he5 !ou$ %ee" o"her !o%en. In *on"ras", $ess a""ra*"i'e %en, usua$$5 unsu**essu$ in*har%ing !o%en, a$$o""e ar %ore "i%e "o "ening "he ho%e nes", oing househo$

*hores, "ea*hing *hi$ren, an in'es"ing in "he a%i$5. A %an?s a""ra*"i'eness, in shor",ae*"s ho! he a$$o"s his $i%i"e "i%e "o ge""ing ou"sie se or "ening "he ho%e ires.

I"?s a $a! o na"ure "ha" e'er5one rea*hes i%inishing re"urns in s3ening "i%e anenerg5 on 3ar"i*u$ar aa3"i'e 3ro1$e%s. So%e ini'iua$s, 15 'ir"ue o "heir grea"era""ra*"i'eness, "a/e $onger "o hi" "he !a$$ o !as"e eor" !here !ha" is rea3e is no"!or"h "he eor" e3ene on ge""ing i". Sooner or $a"er !e a$$ hi" "ha" !a$$.

Emotional and Se$ual Satisfation

6o%%on sense an e'er5one?s gran%o"her *ou$ "e$$ 5ou "ha" 3eo3$e !ho are seua$$5

an e%o"iona$$5 unha335 in "heir %arriages are %ore $i/e$5 "o ha'e aairs. So%e"i%es,ho!e'er, "he !or$ is no" !ha" i" see%s. The ear"h a33ears $a" "o us, 1u" i" is in a*"roun. The uni'erse a33ears "o us "o ha'e "hree i%ensions o s3a*e an one o "i%e, 1u"as"ro3h5si*is"s "e$$ us "ha" i" has as %an5 as ++ i%ensions. So i" is !i"h "he 3s5*ho$ogi*a$5na%i*s o %arriage. Our o$/ !iso% so%e"i%es $eas us as"ra5, or in "he *ase ounha33iness an inie$i"5, 3ar"ia$$5 as"ra5.



Shir$e5 $ass an Tho%as 0righ" e3$ore "he $in/ 1e"!een %ari"a$ ha33iness ane"ra%ari"a$ aairs. To "heir a%ae%en", "he $e'e$ o %ari"a$ ha33iness see%e "o ha'e noee*" on %en?s $i/e$ihoo o inie$i"5. In a*", J9 3er*en" o "he %en !ho !ere ha'ingaairs @uge "heir %arriage "o 1e 'er5 ha335.

$ass re$a"e "he o$$o!ing in*ien" "o i$$us"ra"e "he sha""ering o her ini"ia$ 1e$ies a1ou"%ari"a$ har%on5 an aairs2 Being a !o%an, I 1e$ie'e "ha" i a %an ha an aair, i"%ean" "ha" he ha a "erri1$e %arriage, an "ha" he 3ro1a1$5 !asn?" ge""ing i" a" ho%e"heo$ /ee385our8hus1an8ha3358so8he8!on?"8s"ra5 iea . . . I oun "ha" she *ou$ 1ee'er5"hing !oneru$, an he s"i$$ %igh" s"ra5 . . . a %an I /ne!, %arrie or ; 5ears, hare*en"$5 ie an his !ie !as so 1erea'e 1e*ause "he5 ha "he %os" !oneru$%arriage. He ha 1een her $o'er, her rien, an her su33or" s5s"e%. She %isse hi%i%%ense$5. I "hough" "ha" !as a 1eau"iu$ s"or5. 0hen I "o$ %5 hus1an a1ou" i", he go"a unn5 $oo/ "ha" %ae %e as/, 0ha" o 5ou /no!? He 3ro*eee "o "e$$ %e "ha" onenigh" !hen he "oo/ "he /is ou" or inner "o an ou"8o8"he8!a5 res"auran", "ha" 'er5 %an!a$/e in !i"h a 5oung 1$one !o%an. 0hen he sa! %5 hus1an, he !a$/e ou".

I !onere !ha" "ha" %ean". Di he oo$ his !ie a$$ "hose 5ears an rea$$5 no" $o'e herHo! is i" 3ossi1$e "o 1e %arrie or o'er ; 5ears an "hin/ 5ou ha'e a goo %arriage I"o**urre "o %e "ha" an aair *ou$ %ean so%e"hing ieren" "han I 1e$ie'e.

The $in/ 1e"!een %ari"a$ issa"isa*"ion an aairs iers or %en an !o%en, an a$soe3ens on !hen in "he %arriage "he aair "a/es 3$a*e. In genera$, "he %ari"a$ sa"isa*"iono a$$ *ou3$es "ens "o sho! a graua$ e*$ine !i"h "he $eng"h o "he %arriage. The so$ee*e3"ion o**urs !i"h %en !ho ha'e aairs. Un$i/e a$$ o"her grou3s, "hese %en re%aineunusua$$5 ha335 !i"h "heir %arriages. This $in/ ai$e "o o**ur ho!e'er, !hen "he aaireru3"e ear$5 in "he %arriage. Ear$5 aairs signa$ isas"er, an "hese %en !ere e"re%e$5

unha335. Bu" %an5 %en a33ear a1$e "o ha'e aairs e'en !hen 3ere*"$5 ha335 !i"h "heir!i'es, *on"rai*"ing gran%o"her?s !iso%.

Fo$/ !iso%, ho!e'er, "urns ou" "o 1e a1so$u"e$5 on "arge" or !o%en. Mos" !o%en !hoha aairs s"a"e "ha" "he5 !ere e"re%e$5 unha335 !i"h "heir %arriages. This seieren*e 3ro'ies a *$ue "o "he rea$ia"ion "ha" aairs ser'e ieren" aa3"i'e un*"ionsor %en an !o%en. Men?s aairs are %ore $i/e$5 "o 1e 3ure$5 seua$ !o%en?s aairsare %ore o"en e%o"iona$. In Shir$e5 $ass?s s"u5, ;; 3er*en" o "he %en !ho !ereha'ing aairs e*$are "ha" "he5 ha $i""$e or no e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en" !i"h "heir aair 3ar"ner. In "he !ors o one %an, 0h5 *an?" !o%en uners"an "ha" i"?s no ieren""han 3$a5ing "ennis !i"h a ieren" 3ar"ner 5ou? ge" 1ore i 5ou 3$a5e !i"h "he sa%e 3ar"ner e'er5 "i%e. The sa%e s"u5 oun "ha" on$5 ++ 3er*en" o "he !o%en ha'ingaairs re3or"e $i""$e or no e%o"iona$ in'o$'e%en", re'ea$ing a huge se ieren*e.

In ano"her s"u5, $ass an 0righ" as/e +;: %en an +JJ !o%en !ha" !ou$ @us"i5 anaair2 Here is a $is" o reasons "ha" 3eo3$e so%e"i%es gi'e "o e3$ain !h5 "he5 ha'e 1een in'o$'e !i"h so%eone o "he o33osi"e se ou"sie "heir %arriage in a 'er5 *$osere$a"ionshi3. To !ha" e"en" !ou$ ea*h o "he o$$o!ing reasons @us"i5 ei"her ane%o"iona$ or a seua$ e"ra%ari"a$ re$a"ionshi3 or 5ou 0o%en !ere ar %ore $i/e$5



"han %en "o sa5 "ha" e%o"iona$ a*"ors, su*h as $o'e, in"i%a*5, sharing, an*o%3anionshi3 !ou$ @us"i5 "heir aair. Men, in *on"ras", !ere %ore $i/e$5 "o *i"e seua$ @us"ii*a"ionsseua$ no'e$"5, *hange, e3eri%en"a"ion, or %ere *uriosi"5.

A$"hough "he %o"i'es or %en?s aairs 'ar5, an *er"ain$5 so%e %en ha'e aairs 1e*ause

"he5 are %isera1$e in "heir %arriages, "he %a@ori"5 see% "o ha'e aairs "o sa"is5 "heir $us"or seua$ 'arie"5, a $us" "ha" his"ori*a$$5 ha a *$ear aa3"i'e i%3e"us. The un*"ions o!o%en?s aairs re%ain %ore %5s"erious an *o%3$i*a"e, an so !arran" an en"ire*ha3"er (see *ha3"er <&.

One ina$ se ieren*e %us" 1e es*ri1e2 !ha" *ons"i"u"es inie$i"5. 0o%en "hin/ "ha"s3ening "i%e !i"h so%eone o "he o33osi"e se an /ee3ing nonseua$ se*re"s ro%one?s 3ar"ner *ons"i"u"es inie$i"5 %en o no". Men, on "he o"her han, are %ore $i/e$5"han !o%en "o s"a"e "ha" an5 seua$ in"era*"ion !i"h so%eone e$se *ons"i"u"es aninie$i"5. The sees e'ien"$5 ier in "he 'er5 eini"ion o inie$i"5. This ieren*e inour in"ui"i'e uners"aning o !ha" *ons"i"u"es an inie$i"5 $i/e$5 s"e%s ro% "he

ieren" aa3"i'e "hrea"s %en an !o%en ha'e a*e o'er "he $ong *ourse o hu%ane'o$u"ion. Men, as !e ha'e seen, ha'e a*e "he "hrea" o 3a"erni"5 un*er"ain"5, !o%en"he "hrea" o $oss o a 3ar"ner?s *o%%i"%en". These ieren*es in$uen*e ho! !e eine 1e"ra5a$.

The !ersonality of the Unfaithful) (s %harater Destiny4

A$"hough %os" resear*h has o*use on "he as3e*"s o re$a"ionshi3s su*h as re$a"i'eesira1i$i"5 an e%o"iona$ issa"isa*"ion "ha" $ea "o aairs, an o"en8o'er$oo/e 3rei*"or o inie$i"5 is 3ersona$i"5. Are 3eo3$e !i"h *er"ain 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*s%ore $i/e$5 "o $ea3 in"o "he ar%s o ano"her To ans!er "his ues"ion, To Sha*/e$or

an I ga'e an e"ensi'e 1a""er5 o 3ersona$i"5 "es"s "o a grou3 o +< %arrie *ou3$es in"heir ne!$5!e 5ear. Ra"her "han se""$e or %ere se$8re3or"s o 3ersona$i"5, !e se*ure"hree re$a"i'e$5 ine3enen" e'a$ua"ions2 se$8re3or"s, re3or"s ro% "he s3ouse, an re3or"sro% "!o in"er'ie!ers, a %an an a !o%an. More "han + %easures o 3ersona$i"5 !ereea%ine, ranging ro% a'en"urousness "o aniness, 1u" on$5 "hree 3ro'e "o 1e s"rong 3rei*"ors o sus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o inie$i"5.

The irs" !as nar*issis%. Peo3$e high on nar*issis% ha'e a graniose sense o se$8i%3or"an*e, o"en eaggera"ing "heir a**o%3$ish%en"s or "a$en"s. The5 e3e*" "o 1ere*ognie 15 o"hers as su3erior, an o"en ge" inuria"e !hen su*h a%ira"ion is no"or"h*o%ing. T53i*a$$5 3reo**u3ie !i"h an"asies o un$i%i"e su**ess, 3o!er, s"a"us, or

1ri$$ian*e, "he5 1e$ie'e "ha" "he5 are s3e*ia$ an uniue, an "ha" "he usua$ ru$es annor%s o so*ia$ $ie o no" a33$5 "o "he%. #ar*issis"s reuire e*essi'e a%ira"ion an go"o grea" $eng"hs "o e'o/e i" ro% o"hers, o"en in a so*ia$$5 *har%ing %anner. A ha$$%ar/o nar*issis% is a 3rooun sense o en"i"$e%en". #ar*issis"i* 3eo3$e ha'e unreasona1$ee3e*"a"ions o a'ora1$e "rea"%en", e3e*" "ha" o"hers !i$$ au"o%a"i*a$$5 *o%3$5 !i"h"heir e3e*"a"ions, an 1e*o%e urious !hen "he5 on?". The5 "a/e a'an"age o o"hers,an a$"hough a$$ 3eo3$e so%e"i%es use o"hers or "heir o!n ens, nar*issis"s "urnin"er3ersona$ e3$oi"a"ion in"o an ar" or%. The5 %a/e riens s3e*ii*a$$5 or "heir



!ea$"h, generosi"5, an *onne*"ions, an es3e*ia$$5 or "he ease !i"h !hi*h "he5 *an 1ee3$oi"e. #ar*issis"s se$e*"i'e$5 *hoose "hose !ho% "he5 *an e3$oi", neg$e*"ing 3eo3$e!ho are %ore s/e3"i*a$ o "heir graniose *$ai%s o su3eriori"5 an s3e*ia$ness.

Perha3s %os" *en"ra$ or inie$i"5, nar*issis"s "53i*a$$5 $a*/ e%3a"h5 or "he 3ain an

suering "he5 *ause o"hers. The are so 3reo**u3ie !i"h "heir o!n nees an esires,"he5 neg$e*" "o *onsier ho! "heir a*"ions %igh" hur" e'en "hose *$oses" "o "he%. Fina$$5,nar*issis"s are reuen"$5 en'ious o o"hers, resen"u$ o "hose !ho %igh" ha'e %oresu**ess, 3o!er, or 3res"ige. Their en'5 %a5 1e $in/e "o "heir ragi$e sense o se$8es"ee%,sin*e nar*issis"s os*i$$a"e 1e"!een ee$ings o graniosi"5 an ee$ings "ha" "he5 are!or"h$ess. oo 1eha'iora$ %ar/ers o nar*issis% in*$ue sho!ing o one?s 1o5(ehi1i"ionis"i*&, no%ina"ing onese$ or a 3osi"ion o 3o!er (graniose&, "a/ing "he 1es" 3ie*e o oo or onese$ (se$8*en"ere&, as/ing or a $arge a'or !i"hou" oeringre3a5%en" (sense o en"i"$e%en"&, $aughing a" a rien?s 3ro1$e%s ($a*/ o e%3a"h5&, anusing riens or "heir !ea$"h (in"er3ersona$$5 e3$oi"a"i'e&. A$$ o "hese ua$i"ies see%*onu*i'e "o gaining gra"ii*a"ion ou"sie %arriage.

#ar*issis% 3ro'e "o 1e high$5 $in/e !i"h sus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o inie$i"5, e'en in "he irs"5ear o %arriage. #ar*issis"s a%i""e "ha" "he5 are %ore $i/e$5 "o $ir" !i"h o"hers, /isso"hers 3assiona"e$5, an go ou" on ro%an"i* a"es !i"h o"hers. Their s3ouses *on*urre.The5 !ere a$so @uge "o 1e %ore sus*e3"i1$e "o ha'ing one8nigh" s"ans, 1rie aairs,an e'en serious aairs, an again "heir s3ouses *on*urre. These @ug%en"s osus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o inie$i"5 !ere 1orne ou" o'er "he ne" our 5ears. On o$$o!8u3, !eoun "ha" "hose !ho s*ore high on nar*issis% uring "heir ne!$5!e 5ear !ere inee%ore $i/e$5 "o ha'e seua$ aairs !i"h o"hers. In"eres"ing$5, nar*issis% 3ro'e "o 1e ass"rong a ris/ a*"or or inie$i"5 in !o%en as in %en.

#ar*issis"s, o *ourse, *an 1e 'er5 *har%ing, en"er"aining, an high$5 engaging in so*ia$*on"e"s. Bu" "hose %arrie "o "he% are in or so%e suering. Be*ause o "heir e*essi'ese$8a1sor3"ion, !i$ sense o en"i"$e%en", an $a*/ o e%3a"h5 or "he har% "he5 *auseo"hers, nar*issis"s see/ seua$ gra"ii*a"ion an es"ee% 1oos"s ro% aair 3ar"ners. The5unou1"e$5 @us"i5 "heir a*"ionsa"er a$$, "he5 are s3e*ia$, no" su1@e*" "o "he sa%e 3e""5ru$es "ha" o"hers %us" s$a'ish$5 o$$o!, an so eser'e s3e*ia$ sour*es o gra"ii*a"ion.

T!o o"her 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*s %a/e i" %ore $i/e$5 "ha" a s3ouse !i$$ s"ra52 1eing$o! on *ons*ien"iousness an 1eing high on a s*a$e $a1e$e psychoticis# . >o!*ons*ien"iousness is *hara*"erie 15 "rai"s su*h as unre$ia1i$i"5, neg$igen*e, *are$essness,isorgania"ion, $ainess, i%3u$si'i"5, an $a*/ o se$8*on"ro$. oo 1eha'iora$ %ar/erso $o! *ons*ien"iousness in*$ue neg$e*"ing "o 3a5 one?s 1i$$s on "i%e, orge""ing "o 3i*/u3 a rien a"er 3ro%ising "o o so, orge""ing "o "han/ o"hers or "heir he$3, arri'ing $a"eor a %ee"ing, orge""ing "o "urn o "he $igh"s a"er $ea'ing a roo%, an i%3u$si'e$5 3ur*hasing an i"e% !i"hou" *onsiering !he"her i"?s aora1$e.

The 3s5*ho"i*is% s*a$e is so%e"hing o a %isno%er, sin*e high s*orers are no" rea$$5 3s5*ho"i*. Ra"her, high s*orers "en "o 1e 'er5 i%3u$si'e an $a*/ inhi1i"or5 *on"ro$,%u*h $i/e "hose $o! on *ons*ien"iousness. In e"re%e *ases, high s*orers *$ose$5



rese%1$e "he *$ini*a$ 3i*"ure o sociopathy% a 3ersona$i"5 isorer %ar/e 15 a shor"8"er%seua$ s"ra"eg5, so*ia$ *onning, %ani3u$a"i'eness, an in"er3ersona$ e3$oi"a"ion. Highs*orers on "his s*a$e a$so $a*/ e%3a"h5, $i/e "hose high on nar*issis%. oo 1eha'iora$%ar/ers o 3s5*ho"i*is% in*$ue $aughing !hen a og is hi" 15 a *ar, sho!inginieren*e !hen a *hi$ is in@ure, suen$5 1rea/ing o rienshi3s !i"hou" !arning

or e3$ana"ion, isa33earing or se'era$ a5s !i"hou" e3$ana"ion, an i%3u$si'e$5shou"ing o1s*eni"ies a" o"her ri'ers he 1e$ie'es *u" hi% o. Men, as 5ou %igh" guess,s*ore higher on 3s5*ho"i*is% "han o !o%en.

Bo"h $o! *ons*ien"iousness an high 3s5*ho"i*is% 3ro'e "o 1e so$i 3rei*"ors o%ari"a$ inie$i"5. >i/e "hose high on nar*issis%, "hese 3eo3$e $ir"e, /isse, an a"eo"hers %ore reuen"$5 "han "heir %ore *ons*ien"ious an $ess i%3u$si'e 3eers. An "he5%ore o"en $ea3e in"o 1e !i"h o"hers !i"hou" "hin/ing o "he *onseuen*es, 1o"h orone8nigh" s"ans, 1rie $ings, an e'en %ore serious aairs. These 3ersona$i"5 3rei*"orssho!e re%ar/a1$e *onsis"en*5 or %en an !o%en. #ei"her se, i" see%s, is ee%3"ro% "he $ong rea*h o 3ersona$i"5 in $uring so%e %arrie 3eo3$e in"o "he en"i*ing ar%s o

o"hers. A se$ish, %ani3u$a"i'e, an i%3u$si'e 3ersona$i"5 oes no" ine'i"a1$5 *auseinie$i"5. Bu" i" raises "he os.

Do Some S*ouses Drive Their !artners into the Arms of Others4

A %ore su1"$e 3rei*"or o inie$i"5 in'o$'es "he ua$i"ies o "he s3ouse o "he *hea"er.Do s3ouses !i"h *er"ain 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*s %a/e %arrie $ie sui*ien"$5%isera1$e "ha" "heir 3ar"ners see/ $o'e ro% o"hers To ans!er "his ues"ion, Sha*/e$oran I ea%ine ea*h o "he 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*s o hus1ans an !i'es, an*orre$a"e "he% no" !i"h "heir o!n sus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o inie$i"5, 1u" ra"her !i"h "heir 3ar"ner?s sus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o inie$i"5. T!o 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*s e%erge as

signii*an" 3rei*"ors2 e%o"iona$ ins"a1i$i"5 an uarre$so%eness.

E%o"iona$ ins"a1i$i"5 is a 1roa 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i* %ar/e 15 $arge %oo s!ings.During "he nor%a$ s"resses an s"rains o e'er5a5 $ie, e%o"iona$$5 uns"a1$e 3eo3$e "en"o ge" "hro!n ou" o !ha*/ %ore easi$5 "han "heir %ore s"a1$e 3eers. Fur"her%ore, "he5ha'e a $onger $a"en*5 in re"urning "o 1ase$ine, re%aining u3se" or a $onger ura"ion a"er"he is"ressing e'en". oo 1eha'iora$ %ar/ers o e%o"iona$ ins"a1i$i"5 in*$ue o1sessingo'er so%e"hing "he5 *an o no"hing a1ou", 3u""ing "he%se$'es o!n re3ea"e$5 an!i"hou" goo reason, an agreeing "o "hings !i"hou" uners"aning !h5 an !i"hou""a/ing a s"an o "heir o!n. On "he 3osi"i'e sie, e%o"iona$$5 uns"a1$e 3ersons are %oree%o"iona$$5 res3onsi'e "han o"hers, an "his ua$i"5 is so%e"i%es $in/e !i"h *rea"i'i"5.

On "he o"her han, high$5 uns"a1$e ini'iua$s *an "urn a $o'ing %arriage in"o a $i'inghe$$, an so%e"i%es ri'e a 3ar"ner "o see/ so$a*e in "he e%1ra*e o ano"her.

0hen e%o"iona$ ins"a1i$i"5 is $in/e !i"h ano"her 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i* uarre$so%eness%arriages "urn in"o *au$rons o *on$i*". Pre*ise$5 ho! "his !or/s!as re'ea$e in our $ong8"er% s"u5 o %arrie *ou3$es. Nuarre$so%e s3ouses are*ones*ening "o!ar "heir 3ar"ners, insis" "ha" "heir o!n o3inions are su3erior "o "heir 3ar"ner?s o3inions, an *a$$ "heir 3ar"ner s"u3i. The5 neg$e*" an re@e*" "heir 3ar"ner,



$a5ing "he groun!or/ or "he 3ar"ner?s nees "o go un%e". The5 "en "o a1use "heir 3ar"ners e%o"iona$$5, *a$$ "heir 3ar"ners nas"5 na%es, an e%ean "he% in ron" o o"hers.The *o%1ina"ion o e%o"iona$ ins"a1i$i"5 !i"h uarre$so%eness 3ro'es isas"rous or "heua$i"5 o "he %arriage, in*reases "he 3ro1a1i$i"5 o i'or*e, an *an ri'e a s3ouse in"oano"her?s ar%s.

The s3ouses o e%o"iona$$5 uns"a1$e an uarre$so%e ini'iua$s are %ore $i/e$5 "o $ir", 3assiona"e$5 /iss, an ro%an"i*a$$5 a"e o"hers. These s3ouses are a$so %ore $i/e$5 "o*ross "he seua$ $ine an ha'e in"er*ourse !i"h o"hers, ei"her or a sing$e nigh" or or a%ore enuring e"ra%ari"a$ aair. I" is as "hough aair 3ar"ners 3ro'ie a sae ha'en ro%"he nigh"%are o "heir %arriage, a reuge !here "he5 are a33re*ia"e ra"her "han a1use. I"is no" ine'i"a1$e "ha" uarre$so%e an e%o"iona$$5 uns"a1$e ini'iua$s ri'e "heirs3ouses "o see/ gra"ii*a"ion e$se!here, 1u" "hese ua$i"ies raise "he os.

%ues to (nfidelity) Sensitivity to Su"tle Signals

The unai"hu$ rare$5 1roa*as" "heir 1e"ra5a$s. On "he *on"rar5, "he5 "a/e grea" 3ains "o*on*ea$ a$$ *$ues, %ee" in ou"8o8"he8!a5 3$a*es, %as/ "e$$"a$e seua$ s*en"s, *rea"e a$i1isor une3$aine a1sen*es, ge" *$ose riens "o *o'er or "he%, an genera$$5 "r5 "o a*" as ie'er5"hing is nor%a$. 6on*ea$%en" *rea"es a *o8e'o$u"ionar5 ar%s ra*e 1e"!eene*e3"ion an e"e*"ion o e*e3"ion. Be*ause "he *os"s o is*o'er5 *an 1e *a"as"ro3hi*,"he unai"hu$ ha'e 1e*o%e %ore an %ore s/i$$e a" e'aing e"e*"ion. Be*ause "he *os"s"o "he 1e"ra5e are so se'ere, ho!e'er, se$e*"ion a'ors "hose !ho 3ene"ra"e "he %as/ oe*e3"ion. In shor", "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 ar%s ra*e has *rea"e euisi"e sensi"i'i"5 "o "he%os" su1"$e signa$s o 1e"ra5a$, !hi$e si%u$"aneous$5 *rea"ing e"raorinari$5 s/i$$ee'aers o e"e*"ion.

In +==<, To Sha*/e$or an I e3$ore an arra5 o *ues "o inie$i"5. As a irs" s"e3, !eas/e ; %en an !o%en "o $is" *$ues "ha" "he5 1e$ie'e !ou$ e'o/e sus3i*ions oseua$ or e%o"iona$ inie$i"5, se3ara"e$5. On one or%, $a1e$e 6ues "o a Par"ner?sSeua$ Unai"hu$ness, !e as/e 3eo3$e "o "hin/ o a 3as", *urren", or u"ure ro%an"i*re$a"ionshi3, an "hen as/e "he%2 0ha" *ues !ou$ $ea 5ou "o sus3e*" "ha" 5our 3ar"ner is seua$$5 unai"hu$ "o 5ou On a se3ara"e or%, $a1e$e 6ues "o a Par"nerFa$$ing in >o'e !i"h So%eone E$se, !e as/e2 0ha" *ues !ou$ $ea 5ou "o sus3e*""ha" 5our 3ar"ner is a$$ing in $o'e !i"h so%eone e$se 0e ene u3 !i"h +< *ues,!hi*h 3ro'ie "he ra! inor%a"ion or "he su1seuen" s"u5.

Our ne" s"u5 e"er%ine !hi*h *ues !ere %os" iagnos"i* o seua$ an e%o"iona$

inie$i"5, an ur"her%ore e"er%ine !hi*h *ues !eredifferentially diagnostic o "he"!o "53es o inie$i"5. Tha" is, !hi*h *ues are %ore $i/e$5 "o signa$ a seua$ 1e"ra5a$ra"her "han an e%o"iona$ 1e"ra5a$ an 'i*e 'ersa

The %os" iagnos"i* signa$ o sexual infidelity !as ra"her o1'ious2 a*"ua$$5 is*o'ering a 3ar"ner in 1e !i"h so%eone e$se. O"her signa$s !ere su1"$e. Ph5si*a$ signs in*$uee"e*"ing "he oor o se or o"her una%i$iar s*en"s, su*h as 3eru%e, on "he s3ouse.Ano"her i%3or"an" signa$ in'o$'es a1ru3" or une3e*"e *hanges in "he seua$ in"eres" o



"he s3ouse. A 3ar"ner %igh" suen$5 ha'e ii*u$"5 1e*o%ing seua$$5 arouse, orea%3$e, or 1e*o%e %ore %e*hani*a$ an 1ore !hen ha'ing se. Ra3i in*reases inseua$ in"eres" *an a$so signa$ seua$ inie$i"5a*"ing %ore in"eres"e in se "han usua$,"a$/ing a1ou" se %ore, or suen$5 "r5ing ou" ne! seua$ 3osi"ions.

6hanges ro% "he nor%a$ rou"ines o e'er5a5 $ie *an "rigger a$ar% 1e$$s. Suen$5 1u5ing ne! *$o"hes or *hanging *$o"hing s"5$es, or ea%3$e, *an signa$ a seua$inie$i"5. One !o%an, %arrie "o a en"is" she oun u$$, s"ar"e ha'ing an aair !i"han e*i"ing an su**essu$ 3roessor. She suen$5 s"ar"e !earing %ore "igh"8i""ing*$o"hing, ha her 1e$$5 1u""on 3ier*e, an !a$/e !i"h %ore $air an *onien*e.E'en"ua$$5, a"er her hus1an is*o'ere "he aair an she 1ro/e i" o !i"h "he 3roessor,she re"urne "o her 3re'ious u$$er s"5$e o *$o"hing, ha her na'e$ ring re%o'e, ana33eare %ore e%ure in e%eanor.

O"her *hanges *an a$so se" o a$ar% 1e$$s*hanges in oo 3reeren*es, %usi*a$ "as"es,or e'en *hoi*e o 1oo/s. The *$ini*a$ $i"era"ure 1ri%s !i"h *ases o "he O"he$$o s5nro%e

ins3ire 15 a 3ar"ner *o%ing ho%e !i"h a "ren5 ne! shir", e'e$o3ing a suen in"eres"in hi38ho3 or @a, or 1e*o%ing an a'i reaer o U3i/e or #a1o/o'.

0e is*o'ere "ha" o"her signa$s are %ore iagnos"i* o e#otional infidelity . The %os"o1'ious in'o$'e a*"ua$ is*ussions o isso$u"ion. The 3ar"ner %igh" s"ar" "a$/ing a1ou""he en o "he %arriage, or ea%3$e, e*$aring "ha" "he $o'e has gone ou" o "he %arriage,or %igh" e'en sugges" "he5 1egin seeing o"her 3eo3$e. A %ore su1"$e *ue is e%o"iona$isengage%en", su*h as ai$ing "o res3on "o a s3ouse?s e*$ara"ion o $o'e. 6easing "osa5 I $o'e 5ou 3ro'e "o 1e one o "he %os" iagnos"i* *ues o e%o"iona$ inie$i"5.Forge""ing "heir !eing anni'ersar5, "he s3ouse?s 1ir"ha5, an o"her s3e*ia$ a"es, as!e$$ as no" sharing 3ersona$ ee$ings !i"h "he 3ar"ner are a$$ %anies"a"ions o e%o"iona$

isengage%en". Dis3$a5s o gui$" 3ro'e %ore iagnos"i* o e%o"iona$ "han seua$inie$i"52 ai$ing "o $oo/ "he 3ar"ner in "he e5es, 1eing unusua$$5 a3o$oge"i* "o!ar "he 3ar"ner, an a*"ing gui$"5 a"er ha'ing se !i"h "he 3ar"ner.

Sho!ing ei"her a re$u*"an*e "o is*uss a s3e*ii* 3erson or an in*rease reeren*e "o as3e*ii* o"her 3erson s"an ou" as signa$s o e%o"iona$ inie$i"5. A'oiing "a$/ing a1ou"ano"her 3erson or a*"ing ner'ous !hen "ha" 3erson?s na%e *ro3s u3 in *on'ersa"ionre'ea$e "he re$u*"an*e sie 1eginning "o %en"ion ano"her?s na%e %ore reuen"$5re'ea$s "he in*rease reeren*e sie. Perha3s %os" e'as"a"ing, a**ien"a$$5 *a$$ing one?ss3ouse 15 ano"her 3erson?s na%e 3ro'e "o 1e an es3e*ia$$5 s"rong signa$, no" "o 1ere*o%%ene uner an5 *ir*u%s"an*es, 1u" es3e*ia$$5 no" !hen in 1e !i"h one?ss3ouseC One !o%an I in"er'ie!e sai "ha" she %ae a 3oin" o *a$$ing 1o"h her hus1anan her $o'er s!ee"hear" "o a'oi "he 3ossi1i$i"5 o s$i33ing u3 in "his %anner.

Ano"her 3o"en" *ue "o e%o"iona$ inie$i"5 in'o$'es 1e*o%ing in*reasing$5 angr5, *ri"i*a$,or in*onsiera"e o one?s s3ouse. >oo/ing or reasons "o s"ar" argu%en"s !i"h one?s 3ar"ner, ai$ing "o *onsier "he 3ar"ner?s nees, a*"ing rue an a1ru3", ining au$" !i"h"ri'ia$ "hings, an 1e*o%ing $ess gen"$e uring se a$so signa$ e%o"iona$ e"a*h%en". Theina$ sign is an in*rease a3a"h5 "o!ar "he 3ar"ner. A s3ouse %igh" ge" $ess e*i"e "han



usua$, $ess o"en in'i"e "he 3ar"ner "o s3en "i%e !i"h hi% or her, ai$ "o in'i"e "he 3ar"ner"o a""en so*ia$ e'en"s, an genera$$5 a*" 1ore.

An in"eres"ing 3a""ern o se ieren*es sura*e in @ug%en"s o ho! iagnos"i* ea*h*ue !as o inie$i"5. Firs", !o%en are %ore $i/e$5 "han %en "o @uge a !ie arra5 o

*$ues as s5%3"o%a"i* o e%o"iona$ inie$i"52 seua$ isin"eres", a 3ar"ner?s gui$" ana3a"h5, is3$a5s o anger an *ri"i*a$i"5, an e%o"iona$ isengage%en". I"?s i%3or"an" "os"ress "ha" %en are no" o1$i'ious "o "hese signa$s. Ra"her, !o%en see% %ore ine$5a""une "o "he su1"$e e%o"iona$ *hanges in "heir hus1ans "ha" %igh" 1e"ra5 a *hange ine%o"iona$ *o%%i"%en".

The se*on se ieren*e 3er"ains "o a sensi"i'i"5 "o signa$s *o%ing ro% "he o33osi"ese. In our s"u5, 1o"h %en an !o%en e'a$ua"e ea*h *ue !hen i" !as is*o'ere inei"her a %an or a !o%an. 0o%en @uge ea*"$5 "he sa%e *uesor ea%3$e, e%o"iona$isengage%en""o 1e %ore "53i*a$ o %en?s inie$i"5 "han !o%en?s inie$i"5. Si%i$ar$5,%en @uge *ues su*h as e%o"iona$ isengage%en" "o 1e %ore *hara*"eris"i* o inie$i"5

in !o%en "han in %en. 0o%en a33ear "o 1e %ore sensi"i'e "o %en?s ee*"ions, an %en"o !o%en?s ee*"ions, !hi*h %a/es goo aa3"i'e sense. A"er a$$, "he %os" se'ereaa3"i'e "hrea" *o%es ro% "he inie$i"5 o one?s 3ar"ner, no" ro% "he inie$i"5 o%e%1ers o one?s o!n se, e*e3" !hen sa%e8se riens $ure one?s 3ar"ner in"o an aair a ou1$e e*e3"ion.

Asie ro% ea"h, no"hing is ine'i"a1$e or assure, no" goo hea$"h, no" $ie$ong $o'e, an*er"ain$5 no" "he ie$i"5 o one?s 3ar"ner. 6ues "o inie$i"5 ge" in"en"iona$$5 %u"e an%u$e. Hu%an %ins ha'e e'o$'e "o 1e e"raorinari$5 sensi"i'e "o "hesein*ons3i*uous !his3erings. Our 3s5*ho$og5 o inie$i"5 e"e*"ion a%3$iies "hese signa$s 1e*ause "he5 3ose an aa3"i'e "hrea". 0e are so%e"i%es !rong. E%o"iona$

isengage%en" %igh" ini*a"e a s"ressu$ a5 a" "he oi*e ra"her "han a 3assiona"ein'o$'e%en" !i"h ano"her. Bu" "hose in our e'o$u"ionar5 3as" !ho ignore su1"$e signa$so 1e"ra5a$ suere re3rou*"i'e$5 re$a"i'e "o "hose !ho e"e*"e "he%.

&rea1ing U*

0or$!ie, inie$i"5 is "he $eaing *ause o i'or*e. In s"uies o 0es"ern *u$"ures, as%an5 as ha$ o a$$ i'or*ees *i"e a s3ouse?s seua$ inie$i"5 as one o "he 3ri%ar5reasons or "he i'or*e. One !o%an 3u" i" "his !a52 I "rie "o orgi'e hi%, 1u" e'er5"i%e !e %ae $o'e, "he i%age o his $o'er in'ae %5 %in. I sa! her in %5 hus1an?sar%s, hi% e%1ra*ing her, !his3ering in"o her ear. I *ou$ no" sha/e "hese i%ages, an so

I ha "o en i". #o" a$$ *ou3$es, ho!e'er, i'or*e o$$o!ing an inie$i"5. So%e %anage"o s"a5 "oge"her, 3a"*h "hings u3, %u$e "hrough "he 1a 3ar", an e%erge ro% "he'io$a"ion "o a ne! 1eginning. 0ha" is"inguishes *ou3$es !ho s"a5 "oge"her o$$o!ing aninie$i"5 ro% "hose !ho 1rea/ u3

As 3ar" o "he s"u5 o +< %arrie *ou3$es, Sha*/e$or an I as/e ea*h hus1an an!ie, in 3ri'a"e an se3ara"e ro% "he g$are o "heir 3ar"ner?s e5es, !he"her "he5 !ou$see/ a i'or*e i "heir s3ouse engage in in"i%a*ies !i"h ano"her. Hus1ans an !i'es,



on a'erage, sho!e s"ri/ing$5 si%i$ar es"i%a"es. In res3onse "o a 3ar"ner $ir"ing !i"hso%eone e$se, on$5 ; 3er*en" o "he hus1ans an - 3er*en" o "he !i'es e*$are "ha""he5 !ou$ see/ i'or*e. This @u%3e "o 3er*en" an + 3er*en" or a 3ar"ner 3assiona"e$5 /issing so%eone e$se, an -9 3er*en" an -< 3er*en" or a 3ar"ner going ou"on a ro%an"i* a"e !i"h so%eone e$se. Res3onses "o "he %ore serious or%s o seua$

inie$i"5 resu$"e in $arger 3er*en"ages. For 1o"h sees, ;= 3er*en" e*$are "ha" a 3ar"ner?s one8nigh" s"an !ou$ "rigger a i'or*e, an J9 3er*en" ini*a"e "ha" a 3ar"ner?s 1rie aair !ou$ "rigger a i'or*e. The grea"es" es"i%a"es o i'or*e !erereser'e or a 3ar"ner !ho ha a serious aair. Fu$$5 9< 3er*en" o "he hus1ans an 9= 3er*en" o "he !i'es a'o!e "ha" "his grea"es" o a$$ 'io$a"ions !ou$ 3rou*e anirre3ara1$e 1rea*h. The %os" re%ar/a1$e ining ro% "his s"u5 is no" "ha" "he se'eri"5 o"he inie$i"5 raises "he os o i'or*e ra"her, i"?s "ha" near$5 a "hir o "he sa%3$e 3roesse "ha" "he5 !ou$not see/ i'or*e, e'en a"er "heir 3ar"ner ha a serious aair!i"h a ri'a$. 0ho are "hese orgi'ing sou$s

The re$a"i'e %a"e 'a$ue o "he 3ar"ners 3ro'e *ru*ia$, 1u" 3ri%ari$5 ro% "he !o%an?s

3ers3e*"i'e. Re*a$$ "ha" %a$e an e%a$e in"er'ie!ers e'a$ua"e "he 3h5si*a$a""ra*"i'eness o ea*h 3erson an "heir o'era$$ a""ra*"i'eness as a 3o"en"ia$ %a"e (%ar/e"'a$ue "o o33osi"e se&. 0i'es @uge as %ore 3h5si*a$$5 a""ra*"i'e "han "heir hus1anss"a"e "ha" "he5 !ou$ 1e %ore $i/e$5 "o i'or*e unai"hu$ hus1ans. Si%i$ar$5, !i'eshigher in %a"e 'a$ue "han "heir hus1ans e*$are "ha" "he5 !ou$ 1rea/ ro% unai"hu$hus1ans. 0o%en !ho !erelower "han "heir hus1ans on a""ra*"i'eness an %a"e 'a$ue,in *on"ras", !ere %ore orgi'ing. These !o%en ini*a"e "ha" "he5 !ou$ 3ro1a1$5re%ain !i"h "heir hus1ans, e'en i "hese %en ha a one8nigh" s"an or a 1rie aair. I"?sas "hough "hese !o%en "hough"2 I?% rea$$5 $u*/5 "o 1e !i"h hi%, an !ou$ ha'eenor%ous ii*u$"5 re3$a*ing hi% !i"h so%eone as esira1$e, so I?$$ s"i*/ i" ou".

A $ong8"er% s"u5 o ,-- %arrie *ou3$es su33or"s "his in"er3re"a"ion. Ear$5 in "hes"u5, ea*h 3erson !as as/e a1ou" "heir 3er*ei'e %ari"a$ a$"erna"i'es. These a5s,"here are %an5 un*er"ain"ies, an %arriages 1rea/ u3 une3e*"e$5. 0hi$e i" %a5 1e anun$i/e$5 e'en", I !ou$ $i/e "o as/ 5ou a e! ues"ions a1ou" ho! 5ou !ou$ ge" a$ong on5our o!n i 5our %arriage ene in i'or*e or se3ara"ion. Ho! ii*u$" o 5ou "hin/ i"!ou$ 1e or 5ou "o in ano"her (hus1an4!ie& 0ou$ i" 1e 'er5 ii*u$", so%e!ha"ii*u$", no" "oo ii*u$", or no" ii*u$" a" a$$ The resear*hers a$so ga"hereinor%a"ion a1ou" ea*h 3ar"i*i3an"?s in*o%e. The resu$"s o'e"ai$e !i"h "hose o ours"u5. 0o%en !ho 3er*ei'e "ha" "he5 !ou$ ha'e ii*u$"5 re3$a*ing "heir *urren" 3ar"ner !ere %ore $i/e$5 "o re%ain %arrie i "heir hus1an *hea"e, !hereas !o%en!ho 3er*ei'e "heir %a"ing a$"erna"i'es as %ore 3ro%ising !ere %ore $i/e$5 "o ge"i'or*e. Fur"her%ore, !o%en !ho ha higher $e'e$s o in*o%e !ere %ore $i/e$5 "o ge"i'or*e "han !o%en !i"h $ess 3ersona$ in*o%e.

Di'or*e is no" an ine'i"a1$e *onseuen*e o seua$ inie$i"5. The os e3en hea'i$5 on"he re$a"i'e esira1i$i"5 o "he 3ar"ners. Those !ho are %ore esira1$e re$a"i'e "o "heir*urren" %a"e ha'e 1e""er o3"ions e$se!here, an hen*e are %ore $i/e$5 "o u%3 a *hea"ing 3ar"ner. 0i"h "his 1a*/groun o "he se*re"s an $ies o %arrie $ie, !e no! "urn "o a%ore "arge"e ues"ion2 !h5 !o%en s"ra5.



CHAPTER 7

0h5 0o%en Ha'e Aairs

You ne'er see% "o !an" "o o an5"hing !i"h %e an5%ore . . . 0hen I "r5 "o "a$/ "o 5ou5ou ne'er $is"en, 5ou @us" 3u" i" o!n "o %5 hor%ones, or i"?s a !o%an?s "hing. I e$"a$one, inse*ure, una""ra*"i'e, an s"u3i, $a"e$5, "ha"?s ho! 5ou %a/e %e ee$. Ro1er"%a/es %e ee$ a$i'e, an se5, an in"eres"ing.

*>it6inger and &owell%Engenering Inie$i"5, +==J

0OME# BEAR THE P>EASURES A#D 1urens o *hi$1earing. #ine %on"hs o in"erna$

ges"a"ion is %e"a1o$i*a$$5 *os"$5, res"ri*"s a !o%an?s %o1i$i"5, an %a/es her %ore'u$nera1$e. 0o%en on?" ha'e a *hoi*e. #o !o%an *an s*a$e 1a*/ her in'es"%en" "o, sa5,our, si, or eigh" %on"hs o 3regnan*5. #or *an "he %an ire*"$5 share "he $oa. One!o%an I in"er'ie!e e*$are "ha" she !ishe %en *ou$ *arr5 ha$ o "he 3regnan*5,

3reera1$5 "he se*on ha$C In e*hange or nine %on"hs o a !o%an?s o1$iga"or5in'es"%en", "he %an nee 3u" in as $i""$e eor" as i" "a/es "o *o%3$e"e a sing$e a*" oseua$ in"er*oursean e'ening, an hour, a e! %inu"es, or e'en a e! se*ons. There areini'iua$ ieren*es a%ong %en, o *ourse, 1u" "he ines*a3a1$e a*" is "ha" "he 1io$og5o re3rou*"ion is %ore *os"$5 or !o%en.

These una%en"a$ 3h5sio$ogi*a$ se ieren*es $e "o "he e'o$u"ion o se'era$ 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ se ieren*es %en 'ie! se one !a5, !o%en ano"her. Men e'o$'e a%ore 3o!eru$ esire or seua$ 'arie"5, !hi*h in*rease "heir *han*es o i%3regna"ing!o%en. Men e3ress a esire or %ore "han our "i%es as %an5 se 3ar"ners in "heir$ie"i%es, ha'e %ore "han "!i*e as %an5 seua$ an"asies, %ore o"en engage in 3ar"ner

s!i"*hing uring "he *ourse o a sing$e an"as5 e3isoe, $o!er "heir s"anars "o a15s%a$$e'e$s in *asua$ se, $e" $ess "i%e e$a3se 1eore see/ing seua$ in"er*ourse !i"h a ne! 3ar"ner, s3en %ore "i%e "r5ing "o ini"ia"e se, an are %ore !i$$ing "o *onsen" "o se!i"h a "o"a$ s"ranger.

So 3o!eru$, ire*", an o1'ious are "he re3rou*"i'e 1enei"s "o %en !ho su**ee in aues" or seua$ 'arie"5 "ha" s*ien"is"s ha'e $arge$5 o'er$oo/e a una%en"a$ a*" a1ou"shor"8"er% %a"ing2 "he a'erage nu%1er o seua$ 3ar"ners or %en an !o%en !ho



engage in shor"8"er% %a"ing, o !hi*h inie$i"5 is a 3ri%ar5 'arie"5, %us" 1e ien"i*a$.E'er5 "i%e a %an has se !i"h a 3ar"i*u$ar !o%an or "he irs" "i%e, "he !o%an issi%u$"aneous$5 ha'ing se !i"h "ha" %an or "he irs" "i%e. In a*", %en *ou$ no" 3ossi1$5 ha'e e'o$'e a esire or seua$ 'arie"5 !i"hou" !o%en !ho !ere !i$$ing. Asno"e 15 "he e%inis" e'o$u"ionis" Sarah Hr5, o "he Uni'ersi"5 o 6a$iornia a" Da'is2

e%a$es . . . 3o"en"ia$$5 e"er%ine "he ire*"ion in !hi*h "he s3e*ies !i$$ e'o$'e. For i" is"he e%a$e !ho is "he u$"i%a"e ar1i"er o !hen she %a"es an ho! o"en an !i"h !ho%.

I %en?s esires reuire !i$$ing !o%en, !i$$ing !o%en reuire 1enei"s. Our an*es"ra$%o"hers %us" ha'e rea3e a'an"ages sui*ien"$5 !eigh"5 "o %ore "han e*ee a$$ o "he"rea*herous *os"s o inie$i"5. #a"ura$ se$e*"ion *ou$ no" ha'e orge a e%a$e 3s5*ho$og5 o inie$i"5 i i" ai$e "o *arr5 su1s"an"ia$ a'an"ages.

The iea "ha" !o%en are no" 15 na"ure %onoga%ous %a/es %an5 %en ner'ous. 0o%en?sseua$ s"ra"egies, ho!e'er, ha'e e'o$'e no" or %en?s 1enei", no" or "he goo o "hegrou3, no" e'en or "he goo o "he s3e*ies. 0o%en?s seua$ 3s5*ho$og5, in*$uing "heir

esire "o s"ra5, eis"s "oa5 so$e$5 1e*ause "ha"?s !ha" 1enei"e an*es"ra$ !o%en.

6o8e'o$u"ion guaran"ees "ha" !o%en?s seua$ esires or %en o"her "han "heir hus1ansso%e"i%es !i$$ 1e he$ in *he*/. Men?s @ea$ous5 ri'es "he% "o *on"ro$, seues"er,*ons"rain, *oer*e, res"ri*", s"i$e, iso$a"e, $o*/ u3, 1o ou", 1in, ens$a'e, en*ir*$e, "russ,an sha*/$e !o%en. A %an?s @ea$ous5 "e"hers a !o%an?s seua$ s"ra"egies, 3re'en"ing herro% 3ursuing !ha" is 1es", e'o$u"ionari$5 s3ea/ing, or her.

The 3rin*i3$e o *o8e'o$u"ion a$so i*"a"es "ha" !o%en !i$$ no" a**e3" @ea$ous *on"ro$ 3assi'e$5. O'er hu%an his"or5, !o%en ough" 1a*/, e'o$'ing an arra5 o s"ra"egiess3e*ii*a$$5 esigne "o es*a3e %en?s *on"ro$. 0o%en ha'e e'o$'e *on*ea$e or *r53"i*

o'u$a"ion %os" $i/e$5 "o isguise "heir "i%e o o'u$a"ion, %a/ing i" %ore ii*u$" or %en"o "arge" "heir %a"e8guaring "o s3e*ii* "i%es o "he %on"h. Bu" "he a*" o *on*ea$eo'u$a"ion, e'en i i" e'o$'e "o es*a3e a hus1an?s *on"ro$, oes no" e3$ain !h5 !o%ens"ra5. 0e no! ha'e so%e ans!ers "o "his enig%a.

The Sent of Symmetry

The $ogi* o "he %a"ing %ar/e" i*"a"es "ha" !o%en !i$$ genera$$5 1e a1$e "o ge" a %orea""ra*"i'e 3ar"ner or a *asua$ seua$ en*oun"er "han or a 3er%anen" hus1an. A""ra*"i'e%en are o"en !i$$ing "o ha'e se !i"h $ess esira1$e !o%en, as $ong as "he5 o no" 1e*o%e en*u%1ere 15 en"ang$ing *o%%i"%en"s. Ro*/ s"ars an s3or"s s"ars 3ere*"$5

i$$us"ra"e "his $ogi*. The5 o"en ha'e grou3ies or *asua$ se !i"h no hin" o *o%%i"%en".This %a"ing %ar/e" $ogi* $eas "o a is"ur1ing *onseuen*e. 0o%en %arrie "o %en%a"*he "o "heir $e'e$ o esira1i$i"5 !i$$ so%e"i%es 1e "e%3"e "o ha'e aairs !i"h %en!ho% "he5 in seier "han "heir hus1ans.

0h5 ris/ is*o'er5, ruin a goo re3u"a"ion, an *han*e a1anon%en" 15 ha'ing an aair!i"h a %an higher "han her 3ar"ner on "he %a"e 'a$ue s*a$e S"e'e anges"a an Ran5Thornhi$$ 3ro3ose one ans!er2 0o%en *an a*uire 1e""er genes ro% higher 'a$ue



e"ra3air %a"ings "han ro% "heir regu$ar %a"es. oo genes %a5 1ring 1e""er resis"an*e"o isease, in*reasing "he hea$"h an hen*e sur'i'a$ o "heir *hi$ren. 0o%en, o *ourse,on?" "hin/ a1ou" "hese "hings *ons*ious$5. Their 3assions or o"her 3ar"ners are 1$in "o"he e'o$u"ionar5 un*"ions "ha" ha'e sha3e "he%. 0o%en @us" nee "o in o"her %ense5 /no!ing !h5 is unne*essar5.

One ini*a"or o goo genes has e%erge o'er "he 3as" e*ae2 s5%%e"r5. Hu%ans, $i/e%an5 organis%s, sho! a 3h5si*a$ arrange%en" *hara*"erie 15 1i$a"era$ s5%%e"r5. I5ou ra! a $ine s"raigh" o!n "he %i$e o 5our 1o5, s"ar"ing !i"h 5our a*e, "he "!oha$'es are %ore or $ess %irror i%ages o ea*h o"her. The %ore or $ess ua$iier is "he/e5, sin*e no one is 3ere*"$5 s5%%e"ri*a$. Ea*h o us *arries a hos" o s%a$$ e'ia"ionsro% 3ere*" s5%%e"r5, ranging ro% 6in5 6ra!or?s s%a$$ %o$e "o >5$e >o'e""?s$o3sie grin.

De'ia"ions ro% s5%%e"r5 ha'e %an5 *auses, 1u" "he5 ha'e 1een %os" s"rong$5 $in/e!i"h "!o e"er%inan"s. Firs", s5%%e"r5 signa$s e'e$o3%en"a$ s"a1i$i"5, a gene"i*

resis"an*e "o 3a"hogens an %u"a"ions. A 3erson !ho is gene"i*a$$5 sus*e3"i1$e "o 3a"hogens an %u"a"ions !i$$ e'e$o3 a %ore $o3sie a*e an 1o5 "han "hose !ho aregene"i*a$$5 resis"an" "o 3a"hogens an %u"a"ions. Se*on, s5%%e"r5 is a sign o a gene"i*resis"an*e "o a hos" o o"her en'iron%en"a$ insu$"s, su*h as e"re%e "e%3era"ures, 3oornu"ri"ion in *hi$hoo, an e3osure "o "oins. I" is, in shor", a gene"i* %ar/er o hea$"h.

S5%%e"r5 *an 1e %easure in 3ra*"i*a$$5 an5 organis%. 0i"h hu%ans, resear*hers"53i*a$$5 "a/e a 'arie"5 o %easure%en"s, su*h as ee", an/$es, hans, !ris"s, e$1o!s, anears. B5 "a/ing %u$"i3$e %easure%en"s, resear*hers a*hie'e a higher $e'e$ o re$ia1i$i"5 in"heir ine o a*"ua$ s5%%e"r5. To s"u5 "he ee*"s o s5%%e"r5 on hu%an %a"ing,anges"a an Thornhi$$ s"uie - he"eroseua$ *ou3$es !ho ha 1een in'o$'e in a

ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3 or a" $eas" one %on"h. A"er assuring 3ar"i*i3an"s o *onien"ia$i"5an anon5%i"5, "he5 ues"ione ea*h 3erson a1ou" !he"her "he5 ha e'er ha se !i"hso%eone e$se !hi$e in "heir *urren" re$a"ionshi3. The5 a$so uerie 3ar"i*i3an"s a1ou"!he"her "he5 ha se !i"h so%eone e$se !ho% "he5 /ne! !as a$rea5 %arrie "o, orserious$5 in'o$'e !i"h, so%eone e$se. The5 "hen a33$ie s"ee$ *a$i3ers "o assess 3ar"i*i3an"s? egree o s5%%e"r5, "a/ing se'en %easure%en"s ro% ea*h sie o "he 1o5.

anges"a an Thornhi$$ is*o'ere a groun1rea/ing resu$". 0o%en 3reeren"ia$$5 *hoses5%%e"ri*a$ %en as aair 3ar"ners. Assu%ing "ha" s5%%e"r5 is a %ar/er or genes orhea$"h, !o%en !ho ha'e aairs a33ear "o se$e*" %en !ho, or gene"i* reasons, areunusua$$5 hea$"h5 an !hose genes "hen %a/e *hi$ren %ore hea$"h5 an resis"an" "oiseases. Men !ho are ra"her as5%%e"ri*a$ are es3e*ia$$5 3rone "o 1eing *u*/o$e 15"heir %ore s5%%e"ri*a$ ri'a$s.

Ho! o !o%en e"e*" su*h s5%%e"ri*a$ %en The %os" o1'ious ans!er is si%3$5 "o$oo/. In e"re%e *ases o as5%%e"r5 $i/e >5$e >o'e"" or s5%%e"r5 $i/e Dene$0ashing"on, !o%en %ere$5 nee "o gae "hrough "heir o!n e5es. Bu" "here is a %oresu1"$e %eans 15 !hi*h !o%en *an e"e*" s5%%e"r5"hrough "heir sense o s%e$$. In aninno'a"i'e s"u5, anges"a an Thornhi$$ as/e %en !ho 'arie in s5%%e"r5 "o !ear



"he sa%e T8shir"s or "!o a5s s"raigh" !i"hou" sho!ering or using eooran"s. The5ins"ru*"e "hese %en no" "o ea" an5 s3i*5 oono 3e33ers, gar$i*, onions, an so on.A"er "!o a5s, "he5 *o$$e*"e "he T8shir"s, an "hen 1rough" !o%en in"o "he $a1ora"or5 "os%e$$ "he%. The !o%en ra"e ea*h shir" on ho! goo or 1a i" s%e$$e. The5 !ere o*ourse no" a!are o "he 3ur3ose o "he s"u5 in a'an*e, nor i "he5 /no! "he %en !ho

ha !orn "he T8shir"s. The as*ina"ing ining !as "ha" !o%en @uge "he T8shir"s "ha"ha 1een !orn 15 s5%%e"ri*a$ %en as %ore 3$easan" s%e$$ing, 1u" on$5 i "he5 ha33ene"o 1e in "he o'u$a"ion 3hase o "heir %ens"rua$ *5*$e. So one *$ue "o "he %5s"er5 o ho!!o%en e"e*" %en !i"h goo genes $ies !i"h "he s*en" o s5%%e"r5.

So%e !o%en 3ursue a %ie %a"ing s"ra"eg5ensuring e'o"ion an in'es"%en" ro%one %an !hi$e a*uiring goo genes ro% ano"her. 0o%en e"e*" "he s*en" o s5%%e"r5, 3reer "ha" s*en" !hen o'u$a"ing, an *hoose %ore s5%%e"ri*a$ %en as aair 3ar"ners.This %a5 no" 1e goo ne!s or $o3sie %en. A"er a$$, "he genes a %an is 1orn !i"h are 1e5on his *on"ro$, an i" %a5 see% a gross in@us"i*e "ha" !o%en are %ore $i/e$5 "o *hea"on "hese %en. Bu" !o%en?s seua$ 3s5*ho$og5 is esigne nei"her or airness or nor

@us"i*e. I" is esigne "o he$3 !o%en re3rou*e %ore ee*"i'e$5, regar$ess o "he 3ainin$i*"e on "heir 3ar"ners.

There are "!o 3o"en"ia$ *ri"i*is%s o "his reasoning, 1u" "he5 "urn ou" "o *ru%1$e uner*$ose ea%ina"ion. The irs" is "ha" %oern !o%en o"en on?" !an" "o ha'e 1a1ies !i"h"heir $o'ers, an so one %igh" argue "ha" "he ua$i"5 o "heir $o'er?s genes is irre$e'an".0o%en?s seua$ 3s5*ho$og5, ho!e'er, !as orge in an e'o$u"ionar5 urna*e $a*/ing 1ir"h *on"ro$. Se $e "o 1a1ies regar$ess o a !o%an?s *ons*ious esire "o re3rou*e orno". An*es"ra$ !o%en !ho ha aairs !i"h hea$"hier, %ore s5%%e"ri*a$ %en "ene "o 1ear hea$"hier, %ore s5%%e"ri*a$ 1a1ies. Moern !o%en ha'e inheri"e ro% "heirsu**essu$ an*es"ors an a""ra*"ion "o "hese %en. The a*" "ha" rough$5 + 3er*en" o

*hi$ren "oa5 ha'e gene"i* a"hers o"her "han "heir 3u"a"i'e a"hers sugges"s "ha" "hesein"erna$ !his3erings *on"inue "o o3era"e "oa5 in "he %oern !or$.

A se*on 3ossi1$e o1@e*"ion is2 0h5 !ou$n?" !o%en !an" s5%%e"ri*a$ %a"es ashus1ans as !e$$ as aair 3ar"ners The ans!er, o *ourse, is "ha" "he5 shou$ an o. Bu""he e*ono%i*s o "he %a"ing %ar/e" %eans "ha" %os" !o%en are a1$e "o a""ra*" a %ores5%%e"ri*a$ %an as an aair 3ar"ner "han as a hus1an. So%e !o%en, in shor", are a1$e"o ge" "he 1es" o 1o"h !or$sa""ra*"ing in'es"%en" ro% one %an !hi$e o1"ainingsu3erior genes ro% ano"her.

Se$y Sons

Men?s o1session !i"h a !o%an?s 3h5si*a$ a33earan*e an seua$ a'ai$a1i$i"5 resu$"s in!ha" %an5 !o%en e3erien*e as o1@e*"ii*a"ion, or 1eing "rea"e as se o1@e*"s. Bu"%en on?" ho$ "he %ono3o$5 on seua$ o1@e*"ii*a"ion. The %oern 3heno%enon oe%a$e ro*/ grou3ies 3ro'ies a 3ere*" ea%3$e. rou3ies "53i*a$$5 ge" nei"herin'es"%en" nor a""en"ion nor %u*h "i%e ro% "he ro*/ s"ars !ho% "he5 see/ or se. AsPa%e$a es Barres o1ser'e in her 1oo/ I8# with the +and! 'onfessions of a ?roupie% aha$8hour ui*/ie *an %a/e a grou3ie?s a5. Mos" o "hese !o%en o no" e$ue



"he%se$'es "ha" "he %a$e ro*/ s"ar !i$$ a$$ in $o'e !i"h "he%, ha'e a re$a"ionshi3 !i"h"he%, or e'en re%e%1er "heir na%es in "he %orning. An "he5 ris/ a $o" 15 su*h 1rie$ings"he $oss o "heir regu$ar 1o5riens an "he 3ossi1i$i"5 o *on"ra*"ing seua$$5"rans%i""e iseases. 0h5 o "he5 o i"

M5 s"uies !i"h Heii rei$ing su33or" an in"riguing iea /no!n as "he "heor5 o se5sons. 0o%en !ho %a"e !i"h se5 %en "en "o 1ear se5 sons. 0hen "hese se5 sonsgro! u3, "he5 a""ra*" an a1o'e8a'erage nu%1er o !o%en, "here15 gaining a gene"i* egeon "he *o%3e"i"ion. Their %o"hers gain in u$"i%a"e re3rou*"i'e su**ess "hrough "hein*rease re3rou*"ion o "heir se5 sons.

0hen e'a$ua"ing !ha" ua$i"ies !o%en !an" in a one8nigh" s"an ou"sie o "heir regu$arre$a"ionshi3, !o%en "o33e ou" in reuiring "he o$$o!ing a""ri1u"es (using a += s*a$e&2se5 (:.<&, high$5 esira1$e "o "he o33osi"e se (:.&, esires se !i"h 5ou a $o" (:.&,sensuous (:.&, 3h5si*a$$5 a""ra*"i'e (:.9&, goo $oo/ing (:.-&, sough" a"er 15 %e%1ers o"he o33osi"e se (:.-&, "hin/s 5ou are se5 (:.-&, an grea"$5 esires 5ou (:.-&. 6on"rar5

"o !ha" !o%en !an" in a regu$ar 3ar"ner, !o%en see/ing 1rie $ings a33ear "o go or "hes"u$5 *har%ers !ho ha'e !ha" i" "a/es "o 1e a 'arie"5 o !o%en. These are 3re*ise$5"he ua$i"ies "ha" !ou$ gi'e "heir sons a %a"ing a'an"age in "he ne" genera"ion.

These sa%e ua$i"ies shine "hrough !hen !o%en e3ress "he %ini%u% 3er*en"i$e "he5reuire or 'arious "53es o re$a"ionshi3s. The *on"ras" 1e"!een "he %ini%u%s !o%ene3ress or regu$ar %a"es an or one8nigh" s"ans is es3e*ia$$5 s"ri/ing 1e*ause !o%enre$a "heir s"anars or %an5 ua$i"ies !hen see/ing 1rie en*oun"ers. For egree oeu*a"ion, or ea%3$e, !o%en reuire hus1ans "o 1e in "he 9+s" 3er*en"i$e, 1u" orone8nigh" s"ans "he5 reuire on$5 "he ;<"h 3er*en"i$e. In shar3 *on"ras", !o%en 1e*a%e%ore ea*"ing in a one8nigh" s"an on 3re*ise$5 "he ua$i"ies one !ou$ e3e*" a**oring

"o "he "heor5 o se5 sons. 0hereas "he5 !an"e "heir hus1an "o 1e in "he J:"h 3er*en"i$eon seiness, "he5 !an"e "heir 1rie $ings "o 1e in "he <9"h 3er*en"i$e. On 3h5si*a$a""ra*"i'eness, "he5 reuire hus1ans "o 1e on$5 in "he J;"h 3er*en"i$e, 1u" e%ane "he<<"h 3er*en"i$e or one8nigh" s"ans. In 1rie en*oun"ers, i" see%s, !o%en e%an se5 3ar"ners !ho are high$5 esira1$e "o o"her !o%en, 3erha3s 1e*ause "heir sons s"an agrea"er *han*e o 1eing se5 "he%se$'es. 0o%en, o *ourse, o no" "hin/ "hese "hough"s"here is no *ons*ious *a$*u$us o gene"i* ee*"s. The5 @us" in so%e %en se5 an "ha"?sa$$ "he5 nee "o 3rou*e sons !ho !i$$ 1e seua$$5 su**essu$.

Mate (nsurane

I%agine "ha" 5ou are on a *a%3ing "ri3. You !a/e u3 in "he %orning !i"h an e%3"5s"o%a*h an a nee "o urina"e. As 5ou go a1ou" 5our 1usiness, "he sun 1ea"s o!n on5our hea an "hirs" 3ar*hes 5our "hroa", an 5ou ui*/$5 *o%e "o a33re*ia"e "he near15s"rea% !i"h i"s *o$, *$ean !a"er. Bu" i"?s "i%e "o hea o or "he a5. You 3a*/ 5our gearan $oo/ aroun. Your gro!$ing s"o%a*h signa$s "he nee "o ea". Your *r5ing 1a15 ishungr5. You !an" "o 'en"ure ou", 1u" "here are 3ossi1$e angers!i$ ani%a$s, sna/es,an 3erha3s hos"i$e hu%ans. #o! i%agine "ha" "his *a%3ing "ri3 $as"s no" a e! a5s or



!ee/s, 1u" 5our en"ire $ie"i%e. This is !ha" our an*es"ors a*e, roa%ing "he sa'annas oAri*a.

In our an*es"ors? ai$5 s"rugg$e "o sur'i'e, "he5 o1"aine oo "hrough "heir o!n $a1ors ga"hering or hun"ingor e$se garnere i" ro% "he $a1ors o o"hers. 6o$ !in"ers 1a""ere

3re*arious she$"ers. Dee3 reees renere rui" an ga%e s*ar*e. Hungr5 *hi$ren *riea" nigh", signa$ing "he e"ra %ou"hs "ha" neee eeing. 6ou$ a !o%an a$!a5s ha'ere$ie on on$5 one %an 0ha" i he $e" her "o 1e !i"h ano"her !o%an 0ha" i he 1e*a%e si*/ or in@ure, ha%3ering his a1i$i"5 "o hun" An !ha" !ou$ she o !hen herhus1an $e" or "hree or i'e a5s on an e"ene hun", $ea'ing her 'u$nera1$e "o 3ossi1$ee3$oi"a"ion a" "he hans o o"her %en One so$u"ion "o a$$ "hese 3ro1$e%s is "o "a/e ou"%a"e insuran*e*u$"i'a"e an aair 3ar"ner as a 1a*/u3 %a"e.

Peo3$e nor%a$$5 3ur*hase insuran*e as a hege agains" un3rei*"a1$e isas"ers2 *arinsuran*e in *ase o an a**ien", house insuran*e in *ase o a ire or $oo, an isa1i$i"5insuran*e in *ase o une3e*"e 3ersona$ in@ur5. Ma"e insuran*e !or/s in an ana$ogous

%anner. 6u$"i'a"ing a 1a*/u3 %a"e 3ro'ies se*uri"5 in "he e'en" "ha" a regu$ar %a"e ge"sin@ure or /i$$e, ine*"e !i"h so%e isease, $oses s"a"us !i"hin "he grou3, ai$s "o 3ro'ie oo, 1e*o%es a1usi'e, %is"rea"s "he *hi$ren, or ee*"s ro% "he re$a"ionshi3.The %on"h$5 3re%iu%s !o%en 3a5 or %a"e insuran*e are no" inan*ia$ "he5 are seua$.

The 1a*/u3 %a"e *an ser'e %an5 un*"ions !hen "he regu$ar %a"e is no" aroun. He *aneen agains" 3rea"ors, en o aggressi'e %en !ho %igh" o"her!ise e3$oi" "hea1sen*e o a regu$ar %a"e, or 3ro'ie oo uring a shor"age. As "he 1io$ogis" Ro1er"S%i"h no"es, Fe%a$es *ou$ $i/e!ise 'en"ure se on a goo 3ros3e*" agains" "he 3ossi1i$i"5 o so%e u"ure re"urn in %a"eria$ resour*es . . . a hege agains" "he 3ossi1i$i"5"ha" a 3rin*i3$e %a"e !i$$ 1e una1$e or un!i$$ing "o su33$5 sui*ien" resour*es.

A**oring "o "he %a"e insuran*e h53o"hesis, !o%en shou$ se$e*" aair 3ar"ners in 3ar" 1ase on "heir a1i$i"5 an !i$$ingness "o 3ro'ie resour*es an 3ro"e*"ion. To e3$ore!ha" !o%en !an", Heii rei$ing an I as/e a $arge sa%3$e "o ra"e "he esira1i$i"5 orunesira1i$i"5 o +-= *hara*"eris"i*s in a 3o"en"ia$ aair 3ar"ner. The ra"ing s*a$e rangero% +@highly undesira0le in an affair partner & "o J@neutral & "o =@highly desira0le in an

affair partner &. An5 *hara*"eris"i*s ra"e < or higher are *onsiere 'er5 esira1$e.

The 3ro"e*"ion a*"or 3er%ea"e !o%en?s 3reeren*es. 0o%en e3resse a esire oraair 3ar"ners !ho !ere a"h$e"i* (<.<&, 3ro"e*"i'e o her (=.&, s"rong (<.:&, %us*u$ar(<.:&, an 3h5si*a$$5 i" (:.&. A$$ "hese ua$i"ies are signs o a %an?s a1i$i"5 an!i$$ingness "o 3ro"e*" a !o%an an her eis"ing *hi$ren. In our in8e3"h in"er'ie!s !i"h!o%en a1ou" !ha" "he5 !an"e in an aair 3ar"ner, %os" 'ehe%en"$5 enie "ha" "he5!ere $oo/ing or so%eone !i"h "he 3h5siue o an Arno$ S*h!arenegger or a S5$'es"erS"a$$one. The5 oun "hose 1oies o'er1$o!n an !orrie "ha" %us*$e81oun %en !ereo'er*on*erne !i"h "heir 3h5si*a$ a33earan*e. Bu" "he5 i !an" a %an !ho *ou$ han$ehi%se$ 3h5si*a$$5 !i"h o"her %ena %an in goo sha3e, i", s"rong, a"h$e"i*, !e$$ "one,an !i$$ing "o s"e3 in !hen "he si"ua"ion *a$$e or i".



A$"hough %os" s5s"e%s o %ora$i"5 *one%n !o%en !ho ha'e aairs, "hesere$a"ionshi3s a33aren"$5 ser'e an e"re%e$5 i%3or"an" un*"ion or our an*es"ra$%o"hers, 3ro'iing %a"e insuran*e in "he e'en" "ha" "he5 neee 3ro"e*"ion ro% a1use ori so%e"hing unor"una"e 1ee$$ "heir regu$ar %a"es.

Trading U*

The a%ous an"hro3o$ogis" Margare" Mea on*e !as as/e !h5 she ha su*h a $onghis"or5 o ai$e %arriages. She re3$ie2 I ha'e 1een %arrie "hree "i%es, an no" one o"he% !as a ai$ure. A !o%an I in"er'ie!e "o$ %e "ha" re$a"ionshi3s !i"h %en are $i/e"ires so%e ge" 1e""er %i$eage "han o"hers, 1u" e'en"ua$$5 "he5 a$$ !ear ou". These "!oane*o"es, o *ourse, o no" a u3 "o s*ien"ii* e'ien*e. Bu" "he a*" is "ha" a hos" o*ir*u%s"an*es *ou$ *ause a !o%an "o !an" "o "rae u3 in "he %a"ing %ar/e", anaairs *an 1e use "o e'a$ua"e 3o"en"ia$ hus1ans.

A**oring "o He$en Fisher, se'era$ an*es"ra$ *oni"ions se" "he s"age or "he e'o$u"ion o

!o%en?s 3s5*ho$og5 o "raing u3. Firs", a !o%an?s 3ar"ner %a5 e*$ine in %a"e 'a$ueue "o in@ur5 or isease. Se*on, a !o%an?s o!n 'a$ue %a5 ha'e in*rease o'er "i%e asshe 1e*a%e %ore 3roi*ien" a" ga"hering, e"ene her 3o$i"i*a$ a$$ian*es, or 3ro'e "o 1ees3e*ia$$5 e*un. Thir, in an*es"ra$ "i%es, *on"a*" !i"h a ne! "ri1e %a5 ha'e in*reasee3osure "o %ore esira1$e 3o"en"ia$ 3ar"ners.

There are se'era$ o"her *ir*u%s"an*es "ha" %igh" ha'e *ause a !o%an "o "rae u3. Herregu$ar %a"e %igh" ha'e 1e*o%e e%o"iona$$5 or 3h5si*a$$5 a1usi'e, in$i*"ing *os"s "ha"!ere no" a33aren" !hen she se$e*"e hi%. One %oern !o%an es*ri1e her aair in"hese "er%s, i%3$i*i"$5 i%3$i*a"ing her a1usi'e hus1an as a reason2 Yes, I?% no" asarai "o sa5 !ha" I !an" "o sa5. I on?" "hin/ I /o!"o! "o %5 hus1an as %u*h as I use

"o, I on?" $e" hi% hur" %5 ee$ings as easi$5 as I use "o ?*ause I si$en"$5 "hin/ "ha"so%eone e$se $o'es %e. An i "his %an, %5 hus1an, is ge""ing %a an raging a" %e,rii*u$ing %e, "hen I on?" 1o! an 3a! as %u*h as I use "o.

So%e hus1ans 1e*o%e s$a*/ers o'er "i%e, ai$ing "o 3ro'ie resour*es "ha" "he5or%er$5 3ro'ie. A %an *ou$ s"ar" aairs !i"h o"her !o%en, i'er"ing a 3or"ion o hisresour*es "o his aair 3ar"ners an "heir *hi$ren. He *ou$ 3ro'e iner"i$e, renering "here$a"ionshi3 re3rou*"i'e$5 1arren. For a$$ "hese reasons, se$e*"ion %a5 ha'e ashione ae%a$e seua$ 3s5*ho$og5 o %a"e s!i"*hing.

To "es" "he "raing8u3 h53o"hesis, Heii rei$ing an I ea%ine "he esires !o%en

e3ress or aair 3ar"ners, an *on"ras"e "he% !i"h esires !o%en e3ress or one8nigh"8s"an 3ar"ners an $ong8"er% %a"es. I an i%3or"an" un*"ion o aairs is "o e'a$ua"e"he aair 3ar"ner as a 3o"en"ia$ $ong8"er% %a"e, "hen a !o%an?s esires or an aair 3ar"ner shou$ 1e si%i$ar "o !ha" she !an"s in a s3ouse, 1u" ieren" ro% "hosee3resse or a one8nigh"8s"an 3ar"ner. 0o%en in our s"u5 su33or"e "his iea. In 1o"han aair 3ar"ner an a hus1an, !o%en !an"e %en !ho !ere a1o'e "he <"h 3er*en"i$eon "he o$$o!ing ua$i"ies2 e3ena1$e, ae*"iona"e, su**essu$, e%o"iona$$5 s"a1$e,eas5going, in"e$$igen", %a"ure, ai"hu$, hones", o3en8%ine, an unse$ish. In shar3



*on"ras", !o%en?s %ini%u% "hresho$s or near$5 a$$ o "hese ua$i"ies in a one8nigh"8s"an 3ar"ner i33e 1e$o! "he J"h 3er*en"i$e.

Our s"uies o !o%en?s 3er*e3"ions o "he 1enei"s o aairs an "he *ir*u%s"an*es "ha"i%3e$ "he% a$so su33or"e "he "raing u3 un*"ion. One !o%an "o$ us "ha" her aair

%ae i" easier "o 1rea/ u3 !i"h her hus1an. Ano"her re'ea$e "ha" her aair %ae herrea$ie "ha" she *ou$ in so%eone %ore *o%3a"i1$e !i"h her "han her hus1an. A "hirsai "ha" she ha %arrie 5oung, an "he aair %ae her rea$ie "ha" she i no" ha'e "ose""$e or a %an !ho ai$e "o %ee" her s"anars.

Ma"e s!i"*hing is "he resu$" o "!o re$a"e *oni"ions2 1eing s"u*/ !i"h a regu$ar %a"e!ho ai$s "o 1ring in e*ono%i* resour*es, "hus 'io$a"ing her esire or 3ro'isioning an%ee"ing so%eone !ho *an 1e""er 3ro'ie "hose resour*es. Ea*h !o%an in our s"u5e'a$ua"e "hree *ru*ia$ *ir*u%s"an*es as 3reis3osing her "o ha'e an aair2 0hen her*urren" 3ar"ner *an?" ho$ o!n a @o1, !hen she %ee"s so%eone !ho has 1e""er inan*ia$ 3ros3e*"s "han her *urren" 3ar"ner an !ho see%s in"eres"e in her, an !hen she %ee"s

so%eone !ho is %ore su**essu$ "han her *urren" 3ar"ner.

This oes no" ne*essari$5 i%3$5 "ha" a !o%an a$!a5s %arries her aair 3ar"ner.So%e"i%es she oes, so%e"i%es she oesn?". Bu" e'en !hen she oesn?", "he aair"53i*a$$5 gi'es her enough *onien*e in her o!n esira1i$i"5 "o *a"a$5e a 1rea/. Theaair, 15 1oos"ing a !o%an?s se$8es"ee%, %a/es her %ore *er"ain "ha" she *an "rae u3"o so%eone 1e""er. Here is !ha" one !o%an re3or"e2

Yes, i" 1ui$" u3 %5 *onien*e an ego seeing "ha" o"her %en !ere a""ra*"e "o %e, "hings"ha" I rea$$5 in?" /no! 1eore. I"?s gi'en %e a !ho$e ne! !a5 o $oo/ing a" %5se$. I"*hange %5 !ho$e !a5 o ress, @us" %5 !ho$e a33earan*e. I e$" a""ra*"i'e again. I

han?" e$" "ha" !a5 in 5ears, rea$$5. I" %ae %e 'er5, 'er5 *onien".

The %os" *o%%on o%ain o se$8es"ee% enhan*e%en" 3er"ains "o "he !o%an?s 1o5 anseua$i"5ua$i"ies *ri"i*a$ "o her 'a$ue on "he %a"ing %ar/e" or "raing u3. One !o%anre3or"e "hese ee*"s o her aair2 I "hin/ I?% %ore sure o %5se$ an I on?" "hin/ Iha'e "o 3ro'e an5 /in o seiness $i/e I use "o. A"er in"er'ie!ing J !o%en !ho!ere ha'ing aairs, >5nn A"!a"er *on*$ue "ha" %os" o "he *hange in se$8*onien*e!as roo"e in a sense o 1eing %ore 3h5si*a$$5 a33ea$ing 1e*ause "he5 /ne! o"her %en!ere in"eres"e in "he%. Sin*e 3h5si*a$ a""ra*"i'eness is *ri"i*a$ "o a !o%an?s %a"e'a$ue, an aair *an e$e'a"e a !o%an?s se$8a33raisa$ o her 3h5si*a$ esira1i$i"5, gi'ingher "he *onien*e "o $ea'e her *urren" 3ar"ner in "he ues" or "raing u3 "o so%eone 1e""er.

#o" a$$ 1oos"s in se$8*onien*e as a resu$" o aairs !ere $in/e !i"h seua$i"5 ana33earan*e. One !o%an re3or"e2 I ha'e %ore se$8*onien*e, a ee$ing oine3enen*e an se$8re$ian*e "ha" I in?" ha'e 1eore . . . an uners"aning "ha" I ha'eresour*es an a1i$i"ies "oo "o %ee" "hose nees i I ha'e "o, an "ha" I *ou$ *a$$ on "he%again i I nee "o.



Our %ore s5s"e%a"i* s"uies o !o%en?s 3er*e3"ions o "he 1enei"s o aairs su33or"e"he *ase8re3or" e'ien*e. rei$ing an I oun "ha" !o%en !ho ha aairs @uge "heee*"s on se$8es"ee% "o 1e a%ong "he %os" 1enei*ia$ *onseuen*es o aairs. On a J8 3oin" s*a$e, !o%en @uge "he o$$o!ing *onseuen*es o aairs "o 1e a%ong "he %os" 1enei*ia$2 Aair 3ar"ner %ae %e ee$ 1e""er a1ou" %5se$ "han an5 %an ha one

(-.:<& I e$" goo a1ou" %5se$ 1e*ause %5 aair 3ar"ner res3e*"e %e (-.9:&Be*ause %5 aair 3ar"ner !as in"eres"e in "he e"ai$s o %5 $ie, I e$" goo a1ou"%5se$ !hen I !as !i"h hi% (-.JJ& an Be*ause %5 aair 3ar"ner !as e%o"iona$$5sensi"i'e "o %e, %5 se$8es"ee% in*rease (-.;-&. The %a"e8s!i"*hing 1enei" o aairs issu33or"e e'en %ore ire*"$5 in "he o$$o!ing i"e%, !hi*h a$so ran/e a%ong "he %os" 1enei*ia$ *onseuen*es o !o%en?s aairs2 I !as a1$e "o %a/e 1e""er e*isions a1ou"$ong8"er% 3ar"ners 1e*ause I e$" goo a1ou" %5se$ (-.-&.

0o%en see 1eing %ae "o ee$ 1eau"iu$ as an e"re%e$5 i%3or"an" 1enei" o aairs,es3e*ia$$5 a"er a hus1an?s $ong8"er% 1oreo% has se" in. Fining a resh 3ar"ner !hoa33re*ia"es one?s asse"s *an gi'e ne! %eaning "o $ie. An $e"?s a*e i""he hunre"h

"i%e a hus1an "e$$s 5ou "ha" 5ou are 1eau"iu$, usua$$5 ou" o ha1i", oes no" ha'e "hesa%e "oni*$i/e ee*" as "he irs" e! "i%es ro% a resh $o'er. The 1oos" in se$8es"ee% isunou1"e$5 enhan*e !hen "he aair 3ar"ner 3rooun$5 'a$ues "he !o%an in !a5s "ha"are no" @us" seua$. 0o%en @uge "he i"e%s M5 seua$ 3ar"ner %ae %e ee$ i%3or"an"an M5 seua$ 3ar"ner %ae %e ee$ in"e$$igen", or ea%3$e, "o 1e a%ong "he %os" 1enei*ia$ as3e*"s o aairs.

Girls #ust Want to Have 5un

Oh, 6hris", I *ou$ !ri"e a 1oo/C Ah, *o%3ara"i'e$5, he is a an"as"i* $o'er . . . The 3h5si*a$ "hing, 5ou /no!, 1e"!een Gi% an I is a1so$u"e$5 in*rei1$e. I"?s 3ro1a1$5i"?s

"he %a@or "hing e'en !i"h a$$ "his in"e$$e*"ua$ *$oseness, i"?s 3ri%ari$5, 5ou /no!, a goou*/ . . . He has rea$$5 o3ene %e u3 as a $o'er e'en %ore "han %5 irs". I o "hings !i"hhi% "ha" I *an?" o a" ho%e.

Seua$$5 i" !as rea$$5 grea" or %e. He !as %ore seua$$5 sa"is5ing, %ore 3h5si*a$. I!as %ore 3h5si*a$$5 a""ra*"e "o hi%, I !as @us" a1so$u"e$5 in $o'e !i"h his 1o5.

Our seua$ re$a"ionshi3 is "o"a$$5 ieren". I guess "ha"?s !here "he *ru o i" is. I"?s*er"ain$5 !here i" ini"ia$$5 !as an a$"hough a$$ o"her "hings !i"h Pe"er are !oneru$, i"?ss"i$$ "he %ain ra!ing *ar "o s"a5 in'o$'e in "he re$a"ionshi3. I?% orgas%i* !i"h 1o"h.Se !i"h %5 hus1an is s"raigh" u*/ing an ora$8geni"a$ *on"a*" !hi*h is a$$ ni*e, 1u" i"?s

no" 3assiona"e. I"?s 3re""5 %u*h a$$ !e o. M5 hus1an an I a$%os" ne'er, e'er /iss.There is $i""$e "i%e s3en" in 1e 1eore !e u*/. 0e on?" u*/ 'er5 o"en . . . I"?s no"rea$$5 a "urn8on $i/e i" is !i"h Pe"er. I "hin/ Pe"er is "he grea"es" $o'er in "he !or$. Tha"?so1'ious$5 su1@e*"i'e, 1u" I !i$$ 1e" "ha" o"her !o%en !ho?'e %ae i" !i"h hi% !i$$ sa5"ha", "oo.

0hen Heii rei$ing an I 1egan "o in"er'ie! !o%en a1ou" "heir aairs, one 3ro%inen""he%e e%erge re3ea"e$52 seua$ gra"ii*a"ion. In our 'er5 irs" s"u5 o !o%en?s



3er*e3"ions o "he 1enei"s o aairs, seua$ gra"ii*a"ion !as a" "he "o3 o "he $is". Ourini"ia$ sa%3$e o = !o%en @uge i" "o 1e high$5 $i/e$5 "ha" a !o%an !ou$ re*ei'eseua$ gra"ii*a"ion ro% an aair 3ar"ner, %ore $i/e$5 "han an5 o "he : 3o"en"ia$ 1enei"s in "he ini"ia$ s"u5. 0hen !e as/e !o%en "o e'a$ua"e !hi*h *ir*u%s"an*es!ou$ 1e %os" $i/e$5 "o o3en "he% u3 "o an aair, seua$ unha33iness !i"h regu$ar

3ar"ners $oo%e $arge2 %5 *urren" 3ar"ner is un!i$$ing "o engage in seua$ re$a"ions !i"h%e seua$ re$a"ions !i"h %5 *urren" 3ar"ner ha'e 1een unsa"is5ing or a $ong "i%ean seua$ re$a"ions !i"h %5 *urren" 3ar"ner are "oo inreuen" or %e.

Moreo'er, !o%en ra"e e3erien*ing seua$ gra"ii*a"ion !i"h an aair 3ar"ner "o 1e oneo "he %os" i%3or"an" 1enei"s o an e"ra%ari"a$ aair. Orgas%s in 3ar"i*u$ar see%es3e*ia$$5 i%3or"an", as !o%en ra"e "hese as %ore 1enei*ia$ "han %ere$5 re*ei'ingseua$ gra"ii*a"ion.

Our e3$ora"ion !as %o"i'a"e in 3ar" 15 a "heor5 o e%a$e orgas% "ha" %a5 3ro'ie ane3$ana"ion or "he i%3or"an*e !o%en 3$a*e on seua$ gra"ii*a"ion !i"h an aair 3ar"ner,

"he s3er% re"en"ion "heor5 3ro3ose 15 "!o Bri"ish 1io$ogis"s, Ro1in Ba/er an Mar/Be$$is o "he Uni'ersi"5 o Man*hes"er in Eng$an. To uners"an "he s3er%8re"en"ion"heor5, !e %us" in"rou*e "he 1roaer "heor5 o s3er% *o%3e"i"ion.

S3er% *o%3e"i"ion o**urs !hen "he s3er% ro% "!o ieren" %en inha1i" "he !o%an?sre3rou*"i'e "ra*" a" "he sa%e "i%e. A$"hough "he !o%an?s egg, on*e o'u$a"e, is on$5'ia1$e or + "o ; hours, %en?s s3er% ha'e a $onger she$ $ie. S3er% *an re%ain 'ia1$e!i"hin "he !o%an?s %ois" "ra*" or u3 "o se'en a5s. The u3sho" is "his2 i a !o%an hasse !i"h "!o ieren" %en !i"hin "he s3an o a !or/ !ee/, "hen she se"s "he s"age or "he%en?s s3er% "o *o%3e"e !i"h ea*h o"her in "he ra*e "o her 'a$ua1$e egg.

Is "here an5 e'ien*e "ha" hu%ans ha'e a $ong e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5 o s3er%*o%3e"i"ion The ans!er no! is a resouning 5es, or 1o"h %en?s an !o%en?s 3h5sio$og5 an 3assions ha'e 1een aa3"e "o "he e%ans o s3er% *o%3e"i"ion. Onesour*e o e'ien*e *o%es ro% s"uies "ha" a""e%3" "o e"er%ine "he ra"es o%isien"ii*a"ion o "he a"her. A'eraging a*ross a hanu$ o s"uies o 3a"erna$is*re3an*5 ro% Euro3e, Ari*a, #or"h A%eri*a, an O*eania, Ba/er an Be$$is es"i%a"e"ha" rough$5 = 3er*en" o *hi$ren ha'e gene"i* a"hers !ho are ieren" ro% "hose !ho 1e$ie'e "ha" "he5 are "he a"her. A %ei*a$ resear*her I in"er'ie!e *onir%e "hises"i%a"e. She *onu*"e a $arge8s*a$e s"u5 o "he gene"i*s o 1reas" *an*er "ha" reuireD#A inger3rin"ing o *hi$ren an "heir 3aren"s. A$"hough i" !as no" "he goa$ o hers"u5, she *a$*u$a"e "he in*ien*e o %is"a/en 3a"erni"5 an oun a 3a"erna$is*re3an*5 ra"e o + 3er*en"inings she i no" 3u1$ish 1e*ause she eare "ha" hergran" uning %igh" 1e @eo3arie. These sur3rising s"a"is"i*s "e$$ us "ha" !o%enso%e"i%es *on*ei'e an 1ear *hi$ren 15 %en !ho are no" "heir hus1ans, an 3ro1a1$5ha'e one so "hroughou" hu%an e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5.

Ph5sio$ogi*a$ *$ues a$so 1e"ra5 a $ong his"or5 o s3er% *o%3e"i"ion. Firs", %en?s "es"issie an s3er% 'o$u%e are ar $arger "han "hose o "he %ore %onoga%ous 3ri%a"es su*has gori$$as or gi11ons. This *$ue sugges"s "ha" %en ha'e e'o$'e a $arger e@a*u$a"e "o



in*rease "he os o su**essu$ *o%3e"i"ion 15 *ro!ing ou" "he s3er% ro% *o%3e"ing%en. Se*on, %en?s s3er% *o%e in se'era$ 3rei*"a1$e sha3es, no" %ere$5 "hego'ern%en"8issue *oni*a$ sha3e s3er% "ha" are esigne or s!i%%ing s3ee. Asis*usse in *ha3"er +, %en 3ossess /a%i/ae s3er%, *oi$ "ai$e an "erri1$e a"s!i%%ing, "ha" ha'e 1een o1ser'e in $a1ora"or5 s"uies "o !ra3 "he%se$'es aroun

*o%3e"ing s3er% an es"ro5 "he% !hi$e si%u$"aneous$5 se$8es"ru*"ing. Fur"her%ore,"hese s3er% a33ear esigne "o 3osi"ion "he%se$'es !i"hin "he e%a$e re3rou*"i'e "ra*""o in"erere !i"h "he 3rogress o "heir *o%3e"i"ors in "he ra*e or "he eggs.

The ear$5 !or/ on s3er% *o%3e"i"ion o"en e%3hasie "he %a$e arsena$, !i"h !o%en%ore or $ess 3assi'e$5 se""ing "he s"age or "he 1a""$e. Re*en" !or/, ho!e'er, has o*useon "he a*"i'e ro$e "ha" !o%en 3$a5 in in$uen*ing "he ou"*o%es o !ha" has 'arious$5 1een es*ri1e as a $o""er5, a ra*e, an %ore o%inous$5 a !ar.

I%agine "a/ing a ie$ *ourse in 1io$og5 in "he eo"i* $o*a"ion o 6a$ahona, S3ain. Youare grou3e !i"h J unergraua"e s"uen"s, eigh" graua"e s"uen"s, an "hree senior

ins"ru*"ors. The se ra"io is s$igh"$5 1iase%ore %en "han !o%en. You?'e $e" 5ourregu$ar 3ar"ner 1ehin, hunres or "housans o %i$es a!a5. You s$ee3 uner "he s"ars ona $a" roo o "he 'i$$a, a$ong !i"h e'er5one e$se. The 1ri$$ian" 1ea*hes, aure a5s, ans"arr5 nigh"s 3ro'ie a ro%an"i* se""ing, as 5ou !or/ sie 15 sie !i"h o"hers in "he grou3e3$oring "he %5s"eries o $ie on ear"h. This !as 3re*ise$5 "he se""ing or one o Ro1inBa/er?s s"uies, an hu%an na"ure 1eing !ha" i" is, ro%an*es o"en e'e$o3e as "he%e%or5 o "he 3ar"ner a" ho%e ae !i"h "he sunse". Peo3$e share "heir eo"i*e3erien*es !i"h ne! 3ar"ners.

A**oring "o Ba/er, !o%en?s *on*ea$e o'u$a"ion is a%ong "he %a@or !ea3ons !o%enha'e e'o$'e "o sho3 aroun or su3erior genes or "heir *hi$ren. B5 *on*ea$ing

o'u$a"ion, !o%en %ae i" %ore ii*u$" or a regu$ar %a"e "o guar "he% uring "heir%ore er"i$e "i%e o "he %on"h. 6on*ea$%en" se" "he s"age or s3er% *o%3e"i"ion, gi'ing!o%en "he o33or"uni"5 "o 1e er"i$ie 15 %en o "heir o!n *hoosing.

In "he 6a$ahona s"u5, -< 3er*en" o "he J< !o%en arri'e in S3ain !i"hou" "heir regu$ar 3ar"ner. O "hese !o%en, + 3er*en" ene u3 ha'ing an aair. i'en "ha" "he ie$*ourse $as"e on$5 "!o !ee/s, "his ra"e o inie$i"5 is unusua$$5 high. Perha3s !o%enra!n "o a ie$ *ourse in 1io$og5 in su*h an eo"i* $o*a"ion %igh" ier ro% !o%en%ore $i/e$5 "o s"a5 a" ho%e. Or 3erha3s "he ro%an"i* $o*a$e, *o%1ine !i"h "he is"an*ero% "heir regu$ar 3ar"ner an "he $o! ris/ o is*o'er5, $e "o "he high ra"e o inie$i"5.

T!o a*"ors 3rei*"e !he"her %a"e !o%en !ou$ ha'e se !i"h a ne! 3ar"ner2s5%%e"r5 an $eng"h o re$a"ionshi3. 0o%en !ho !ere %ore s5%%e"ri*a$ "ene "o s"ra5%ore "han !o%en !ho !ere $ess s5%%e"ri*a$, 3erha3s 1e*ause "he5 !ere @uge "o 1e%ore a""ra*"i'e, an hen*e ha grea"er o33or"uni"ies. An !o%en in $onger re$a"ionshi3s"ene "o re%ain %ore ai"hu$ "han !o%en !ho ha 1een *ou3$e !i"h "heir is"an" 3ar"ner on$5 1rie$5.



One o "he %os" s"ar"$ing inings "o e%erge ro% "he s"uies o s3er% *o%3e"i"ion,in*$uing "he sur'e5s an "he 6a$ahona s"u5, *en"ers on !o%en?s seua$ orgas%, oneo "he a*"ors %os" *$ose$5 $in/e !i"h !o%en?s seua$ sa"isa*"ion. 0o%en ha'e %orehigh s3er% re"en"ion orgas%s !i"h "heir aair 3ar"ner "han !i"h "heir regu$ar 3ar"ner, asinee 15 "he a%oun" o s3er% *on"aine in "he $o!1a*/ *o$$e*"e a"er in"er*ourse.

Fur"her%ore, !o%en see% "o "i%e "heir orgas%s !i"h "heir aair 3ar"ners "o *oin*ie%ore *$ose$5 !i"h !hen "he5 o'u$a"e. These inings, "oge"her !i"h "he "heor5 o s3er%*o%3e"i"ion, %a5 so$'e "he 3u$e o !h5 !o%en 3$a*e su*h i%3or"an*e on seua$gra"ii*a"ion as a 1enei" ro% e"ra%ari"a$ $iaisons.

In "he %oern !or$, !i"h %an5 !o%en "a/ing *on"ra*e3"i'es, "he *onne*"ion 1e"!eenseua$ orgas%s an a*"ua$ re3rou*"ion %a5 1e se'ere. Bu" !o%en?s seua$ 3s5*ho$og5,orge o'er %i$$ions o 5ears in an an*es"ra$ !or$ e'oi o "he 3i$$, *on"inues "o ge" 3$a5e ou" in "he %oern !or$. The i%3or"an*e "o !o%en o seua$ gra"ii*a"ion, anorgas%s in 3ar"i*u$ar, %a5 1e a /e5 %o"i'e ri'ing !o%en "o a*" on "heir unai"hu$ 3assions.

I"?s 3ossi1$e, o *ourse, "ha" "his "heor5 is !rong. Don S5%ons argues "ha" e%a$e orgas%$a*/s an aa3"i'e un*"ion. He ra!s an ana$og5 "o %en?s ni33$es, !hi*h ha'e noun*"ion, 1u" are %ere$5 in*ien"a$ 153rou*"s o "he *o%%on esign %en share !i"h!o%en ear$5 in e'e$o3%en". 0o%en?s ni33$es an %en?s orgas% ha'e *$ear un*"ions2"o 1reas"ee a 1a15 an "o e@a*u$a"e s3er% in"o "he !o%an?s re3rou*"i'e "ra*",res3e*"i'e$5. Bu" !o%en?s orgas%, $i/e %en?s ni33$es, ha'e no e'o$u"ionar5 3ur3ose,S5%ons sugges"s. He %a5 1e righ". Bu" "he !eigh" o "he e'ien*e ro% se'era$ $a1saroun "he !or$ is !eighing in agains" "he in"er3re"a"ion "ha" !o%en?s organis% is a 153rou*".

0o%en I?'e "a$/e "o "en "o ha'e s"rong o3inions on "he "o3i*. 0hen I re*en"$5 ga'e a$e*"ure on "hese inings a" "he >onon S*hoo$ o E*ono%i*s, a !o%an a"er!ar ga'e%e a *ar"oon "ha" 1eau"iu$$5 i$$us"ra"e "his 3oin". T!o 3eahens are s"aring a" a 3ea*o*/,!ho is s"ri'ing 'a$ian"$5 "o is3$a5 his 3$u%age "o "he% !i"h a %ai%u% o $ourish. Oneo "he 3eahens "ries "o s"o3 hi% !i"h "his ui32 6u" "he *ra3 an sho! us 5our !i$$5C

0he"her !o%en?s orgas% 3ro'es "o ha'e a un*"ion, as see%s $i/e$5, or !he"her S5%ons"urns ou" "o 1e righ", "he *o%3e"ing "heories ha'e ha "he hea$"h5 ee*" o s"i%u$a"ing%ore resear*h on "his neg$e*"e sie o !o%en?s seua$i"5.

Some Women Some of the Time

enera$ia"ions a1ou" !o%en are a$!a5s 3ro1$e%a"i* or one una%en"a$ reasonno"a$$ !o%en are a$i/e. enera$ "rens are i%3or"an", 1u" !e %us" a$so *onsier "he'aria1i$i"5 !i"hin ea*h se. So%e !o%en e$igh" in aairs, gaining se$8es"ee% an a 1oun"5 o o"her 1enei"s. O"her !o%en e3ress horror a" "he %ere "hough" o 1rea/ing%ari"a$ 'o!s. 0o%en ha'e a 'arie %enu o seua$ s"ra"egies a" "heir is3osa$. Thes"ra"egi* *o%1ina"ions "he5 se$e*" e3en on ini'iua$ *ir*u%s"an*es.



Do !o%en !ho 3ursue a s"ra"eg5 o e"ra3air %a"ing ha'e a ieren" *os"81enei"e'a$ua"ion s5s"e% "han %onoga%ous !o%en Is "heir 1eha'ior ri'en 15 "he 3er*e3"ion"ha" %ore 3rooun 1enei"s !i$$ $o! ro% *asua$ $ings I so, 3re*ise$5 !hi*h 1enei"so "hese !o%en 3er*ei'e "o 1e or"h*o%ing

To ans!er "hese ues"ions, Heii rei$ing an I *on"ras"e !o%en !ho !ere a*"i'e$5 3ursuing a shor"8"er% seua$ s"ra"eg5 !i"h "hose !ho re%aine %onoga%ous. The5iere su1s"an"ia$$5 in "heir 3er*e3"ions o 1enei"s. The shor"8"er% s"ra"egis"s 3er*ei'e"!o /e5 1enei"s as %ore $i/e$5 "o 1e rea3e2 re*ei'ing seua$ gra"ii*a"ion ro% an aair 3ar"ner an e$e'a"ing "heir se$8es"ee% 1e*ause %ore "han one %an oun "he% seua$$5a""ra*"i'e.

The grea"es" ieren*es 1e"!een "he "!o grou3s, ho!e'er, *en"ere no" on ho! $i/e$5"hese 1enei"s !ere "o 1e re*ei'e, 1u" ra"her on ho! 1enei*ia$ "he5 !ou$ 1e !hen "he5!ere re*ei'e. 0o%en !ho are shor"8"er% seua$ s"ra"egis"s 3er*ei'e "he ire*" seua$re!ars "o 1e ar %ore 1enei*ia$ "han o !o%en ao3"ing a %onoga%ous s"ra"eg5

re!ars su*h as engaging in seua$ e3eri%en"a"ion, e3erien*ing %ore seua$ orgas%s,ge""ing 3$easura1$e seua$ s"i%u$a"ion asie ro% orgas%s, an re*ei'ing ora$ se ro%"he aair 3ar"ner "ha" her regu$ar 3ar"ner !as un!i$$ing "o 3ro'ie. Seua$ 1enei"s see%%ore i%3or"an" or !o%en !ho 3ersue a %u$"i3$e8%a"e s"ra"eg5.

O"her re!ars *en"ere on "he a*uisi"ion o resour*es2 re*ei'ing e3ensi'e esigner*$o"hing, 1e*o%ing riens !i"h high8s"a"us o"hers, is*o'ering o"her a""ra*"i'e 3ar"ners"hrough "he aair 3ar"ner, an a'an*ing a *areer. The %ore 3ro%is*uous !o%en a33ear"o *a3i"a$ie on "heir seua$i"5 15 using %u$"i3$e 3ar"ners "o gain s"a"us, %a"eria$ goos,an a**ess "o a !ier 3oo$ o 3o"en"ia$ %a"es. These !o%en ha'e "he se a33ea$ "o se*uresu*h 1enei"s.

The ina$ *$us"er o re!ars in'o$'es "he *u$"i'a"ion o ne! s/i$$s an a1i$i"ies2 i%3ro'ing"e*hniues o a""ra*"ion, or ea%3$e, an 1eing 1e""er a1$e "o seu*e a %an 1e*ause oe3erien*e gaine "hrough an aair 3ar"ner. So%e !o%en see aairs as 'ehi*$es orhoning "heir %a"ing s/i$$s "o 1e*o%e %ore su**essu$ a" i%3$e%en"ing a shor"8"er%%a"ing s"ra"eg5 or "o a""ra*" a %ore esira1$e 3er%anen" 3ar"ner.

0h5 o so%e !o%en 3ursue a %onoga%ous %a"ing s"ra"eg5 !hi$e o"hers o3" or as"ra"eg5 o %u$"i3$e 3ar"ners One 3ossi1i$i"5 is "ha" *asua$ s"ra"egis"s 3ossess %orea1unan" seua$ asse"s "ha" a$$o! "he% "o 1e %ore su**essu$ in garnering "he 'arious 1enei"s ro% a shor"8"er% s"ra"eg5. A !o%an !i"h $ess se a33ea$ %a5 1e %ore $i%i"e inher su**esses in "his o%ain. A**oring "o "his e3$ana"ion, *asua$ s"ra"egis"s shou$ 1e'ie!e as %ore se5 "han %onoga%ous !o%en, a$"hough no" ne*essari$5 %orea""ra*"i'e. A$"hough seiness an a""ra*"i'eness are *orre$a"e, so%e !o%en are %orese5 "han a""ra*"i'e, !hereas o"hers are %ore a""ra*"i'e "han se5. The a*"ress E$$enBar/in, or ea%3$e, %igh" 1e @uge high$5 se5, 1u" no" ne*essari$5 a" "he "o3 in 3ure 1eau"5. Mer5$ S"ree3, in *on"ras", %igh" 1e @uge "o 1e high$5 a""ra*"i'e, 1u" no"ne*essari$5 a" "he "o3 in ra! se a33ea$. I "he a1i$i"5 "o su**essu$$5 i%3$e%en" "he



s"ra"eg5 e3$ana"ion is *orre*", "hen E$$en Bar/in !ou$ 1e %ore a1$e "o "hri'e in shor"8"er% 3ursui"s, !hereas Mer5$ S"ree3 !ou$ 1e %ore su**essu$ going or %onoga%5.

Ano"her 3ossi1$e e3$ana"ion is "ha" so%e !o%en $a*/ "he a1i$i"5 "o ho$ on "o a high$5in'es"ing %an in "he $ong "er%, an so o3" or a s"ra"eg5 o %u$"i3$e 3ar"ners. 0hi*h

s"ra"eg5 a !o%an 3ursues e3ens on a 'arie"5 o *ir*u%s"an*es2 "he "i%e in her $ie, "heasse"s she *an 3ar$a5, an "he so*ia$ se""ing in !hi*h "he seua$ s"ra"eg5 is i%3$e%en"e.

Why /ot to Stray

0i"h a$$ "he 3o"en"ia$ a'an"ages !o%en *an gain "hrough aairs, one 3u$e is !h5%ore !o%en o no" s"ra5 %ore o "he "i%e. To uners"an !h5 %an5 !o%en e*$ine "ogo a"er su3erior genes, ai"iona$ resour*es, %a"e insuran*e, or "raing u3, !e %us"re"urn "o "he 3rin*i3$e o *o8e'o$u"ion an ien"i5 "he *os"s o inie$i"5.

Benei"s ro% a !o%an?s aairs *o%e a" a *os" "o her regu$ar %a"e. Men on?" $i/e 1eing

*u*/o$e. 6o8e'o$u"ionar5 $ogi* "e$$s us "ha" %en ha'e e'o$'e s"ra"egies "o 3re'en"re3rou*"i'e $osses 15 guaring "heir !i'es %ore i$igen"$5 an 3unishing "he% or signso s"ra5ing "hrough 'er1a$ a1use, e%o"iona$ %ani3u$a"ion, @ea$ous rages, 1ea"ings, anso%e"i%es "he "hrea" o ea"h. Men %a/e i" *os"$5 or !o%en "o s"ra5*os"s "ha" e"er%an5 !o%en a" $eas" so%e o "he "i%e. 0o%en?s inie$i"5, in "urn, has 1e*o%e %ore*r53"i*, enig%a"i*, an e*e3"i'e o'er e'o$u"ionar5 "i%e "o e'ae "hese *os"s. Ea*hin*re%en" in e%a$e *on*ea$%en" *rea"es se$e*"ion 3ressures on %en "o 1e e'en %ore'igi$an" an in$i*" e'en %ore e"erren"s. In "he *urren" ne'er8ening *o8e'o$u"ionar5s3ira$, 1o"h sees are ar%e !i"h !ea3ons an eenses, *oun"er8!ea3ons, an *oun"er8eenses.

Ea*h !o%an?s e*ision "o s"a5 or s"ra5 hinges on *os"81enei" *a$*u$a"ions 1ase on "heua$i"5 o her regu$ar 3ar"ner, "he 1enei"s she *ou$ gain "hrough an inie$i"5, "he oso is*o'er5, an "he *os"s she !i$$ suer i is*o'ere. Heii rei$ing an I e3$ore Jo "hese *os"s. On$5 one o**urre regar$ess o !he"her "he aair !as is*o'ereanin*rease 3ro1a1i$i"5 o *on"ra*"ing a seua$$5 "rans%i""e isease. The o"her ;= 3o"en"ia$*os"s hinge on !he"her "he inie$i"5 !as is*o'ere.

The %os" o1'ious "o$$ is "he $oss o "he !o%an?s regu$ar 3ar"ner. A e%a$e rien "o$ %e"ha" she serious$5 *on"e%3$a"e an aair a"er "he 1oreo% ro% her +85ear %arriage se"in, 1u" she reraine so$e$5 1e*ause she i no" !an" "o ris/ $osing her hus1an, a %ei*a$o*"or !i"h a hea$"h5 in*o%e. As >aura Be"ig o*u%en"e in her %assi'e *ross8*u$"ura$

s"u5, inie$i"5 %ore "han an5 o"her *ause i%3e$s %en "o i'or*e "heir !i'es.

Ano"her o1'ious *os" *en"ers on 'io$en*e a" "he hans o "he hus1an, as o*u%en"eear$ier. Unai"hu$ !o%en ris/ 1eing 1ea"en or /i$$e. The a*"ua$ a*"s o es"ru*"ion are asre'ea$ing as "he5 are a1horren". In one s"u5 o + 1a""ere !o%en, "he resear*hers*a"a$ogue !o%en?s in@uries an oun "ha" "he5 ha 1een a""a*/e !i"h is"s, /i*/s, an 1e$"s, an ha suere ro% suo*a"ion, 1urns, an s*a$s. So%e !o%en ha 1ro/ennoses, "ee"h, an ri1s, an o"hers ha is$o*a"e shou$ers an @a!s. #ine o "he +



!o%en reuire hos3i"a$ia"ion, an "!o o "hese !ere un*ons*ious a" a%ission. T!osuere re"ina$ a%age, resu$"ing in 3er%anen" ee*"i'e 'ision one sus"aine an in@ur5"ha" 3ene"ra"e her s/u$$ an "!o e'e$o3e e3i$e3s5 as a resu$" o "heir hea [email protected] s"uies *onir% "ha" !o%en are a*u"e$5 a!are o "hese *os"s, a%i""ing "ha" 1eing 3h5si*a$$5 a1use 15 a 3ar"ner !hen he oun ou" a1ou" "he aair !as high$5 $i/e$5, an

"he5 e'a$ua"e i" "o 1e ;.= in *os"$iness on "he J83oin" s*a$e.

The a%age *ause 15 a1use is a$so 1orne 15 "he !o%an?s *hi$ren. I she is in@ure ories as a resu$", she is una1$e "o 3ro"e*" an 3ro'ie or "he%. I her hus1an a1anonsher as a *onseuen*e o her 1e"ra5a$, her *hi$ren are in @eo3ar5 o grea"er 'io$en*e a""he hans o o"hers. S"e3*hi$ren suer a ; "i%es higher ra"e o 3h5si*a$ a1use *o%3are!i"h *hi$ren $i'ing !i"h 1o"h 1io$ogi*a$ 3aren"s, %os" o"en 15 "he s"e3a"her, !ho"53i*a$$5 $a*/s "he ee3 $o'e or "he *hi$ "ha" *o%es na"ura$$5 "o "he gene"i* 3aren".6hi$ren !i"hou" an in'es"ing a"her *an suer a + 3er*en" $o!er sur'i'a$ ra"e.

E'en i "he %an e*ies "o s"a5, he %a5 *on"inue "o 3unish her or s"ra5ing. On "o3 o

3s5*ho$ogi*a$ an 3h5si*a$ a1use, so%e %en re"a$ia"e !i"h an aair o "heir o!n. Sin*e%en "53i*a$$5 *hanne$ resour*es "o se 3ar"ners, "he !ie an her *hi$ren a$so ris/ $osing"hose resour*es.

0o%en !hose aairs are is*o'ere so%e"i%es ris/ a1use a" "he hans o "heir a"hers or 1ro"hers as !e$$. In so%e Mei"erranean *u$"ures, 1ro"hers /i$$ "heir sis"ers an a"hers /i$$"heir augh"ers in orer "o sa$'age "he a%i$5 honor !hen "he !o%en are *augh" 1e"ra5ing "heir hus1ans. In $ess e"re%e *ases, a%i$5 %e%1ers %a5 os"ra*ie "he!o%an, an reuse "o in'es" in her *hi$ren. In our s"u5, !o%en @uge "he i"e% a%i$5s"o33e su33or"ing %e e%o"iona$$5 !hen "he5 oun ou" a1ou" %5 aair as one o "he%os" *os"$5 *onseuen*es, gi'ing i" a ;.:. 0o%en @uge a%i$5 s"o33e su33or"ing %e

inan*ia$$5 !hen "he5 oun ou" a1ou" "he aair "o 1e near$5 as *os"$5, gi'ing i" a -.= on"he J83oin" s*a$e. >oss o in'es"ing /in *ou$ ha'e 1een *a"as"ro3hi* or an*es"ra$ !o%enan "heir *hi$ren.

In ai"ion "o "hese harshi3s, !o%en !hose aairs are is*o'ere @eo3arie "heir so*ia$re3u"a"ion. I re*a$$ a re*en" *ase o a !o%an !ho is*o'ere ano"her !o%an?s earrings ina *rease in "he soa one a"ernoon !hi$e *$eaning. 0hen she *onron"e her hus1an, he*onesse an re'ea$e "he o!ner o "he earrings, !ho ha33ene "o 1e "he !ie?s 1es"rien, %arrie, an a %e%1er o a garen *$u1 "o !hi*h 1o"h *ou3$es 1e$onge. A" "hene" %ee"ing o "he garen *$u1, "he aggrie'e !ie s"oo u3 an enoun*e her rien asa s$u" an a !hore or s$ee3ing !i"h her hus1an. Therea"er, "he o"her %e%1ers o"he garen *$u1 shunne "he au$"eress, an she !as or*e "o ui" "he *$u1.

Our s"u5 re'ea$e se'era$ a*e"s o re3u"a"ion a%age, a$$ ho'ering aroun ;. on "he*os"$iness ine. 0o%en ris/ so*ia$ shunning 15 riens, a%i$5, !or/ *o$$eagues, *hur*hgrou3s, so*ia$ *$u1s, an higher8s"a"us 3eer grou3s. The5 a$so ris/ $osing "he res3e*" o"heir *hi$ren !hen "he5 in ou" a1ou" "he aair, !hi*h !o%en in our s"u5 @uge "o 1e;.= in *os"$iness.



The ina$ *os" *en"ere on a $oss "o se$8es"ee%, !hi*h %a5 see% 3araoi*a$, sin*e!o%en?s se$8es"ee% is o"en 1oos"e as a resu$" o an inie$i"5. The a33aren" 3arao isreso$'e !hen !e *onsier "he ieren" sour*es o es"ee%. 0e o"en 1ase our e'a$ua"ionso ourse$'es on "he es"ee% in !hi*h !e are he$ 15 o"hers. 0o%en !ho suer so*ia$shunning, "hereore, !i$$ $ose se$8es"ee%. The 1oos" in a !o%an?s se$8es"ee%, in

*on"ras", *o%es no" ro% her 3eers 1u" ro% "he aair 3ar"ner !ho ins her in"e$$igen",*har%ing, an a""ra*"i'e. The en resu$" is "ha" a !o%an?s inie$i"5 *an ha'e "!oieren", an *on"ras"ing, ee*"s on her se$8es"ee%2 "he 1oos" in se$8es"ee% *o%es ear$5in "he *ourse o "he inie$i"5, 3rior "o i"s is*o'er5 "he $oss *o%es $a"er, an on$5 i "heinie$i"5 is is*o'ere an ens in isas"er. As Ro1er" Fran/ o 6orne$$ Uni'ersi"5o1ser'es, 0i"h "he i$$i*i" aair, "he ii*u$"5 is "ha" "he re!ars o**ur righ" a!a5. I"s*os"s, 15 *on"ras", are 1o"h un*er"ain an in "he u"ure.

A$"hough "he 1enei"s ro% s"ra5ing *an 1e su1s"an"ia$, "he 3o"en"ia$ a%age o"en ose"s"hese gains. There is a ou1$e s"anar in "hese *os"s. 0o%en *augh" ha'ing an aair, in*on"ras" "o %en *augh" ha'ing an aair, suer a grea"er ris/ o 3h5si*a$ a1use, %ore

se'ere a%age "o "heir re3u"a"ions, a higher ris/ o 1eing shunne 15 a%i$5 an riens,a grea"er $oss in se$8es"ee%, an a higher 'u$nera1i$i"5 "o a1anon%en". M5 s"u5*on*erning "he 3s5*ho$og5 o re3u"a"ion in Li%1a1!e, Eri"rea, 6hina, ua%, Russia,Brai$, Po$an, Korea, an Trans5$'ania 'eriies "ha" "he ou1$e s"anar is !ies3rea.

To 5ling or /ot to 5ling

0e inha1i" a %oern so*ia$ $ans*a3e "ha" is ore'er *hange ro% "he S"one Age !or$in !hi*h our seua$ 3s5*ho$og5 e'o$'e. The anon5%i"5 o $arge *i"5 $i'ing *rea"es %oreo33or"uni"ies "o *arr5 ou" aairs unis*o'ere, *o%3are !i"h "he s%a$$ grou3 $i'ingarrange%en"s o our 3rehis"ori* an*es"ors in !hi*h i" !as har "o *on*ea$ a sneee, %u*h

$ess a "orri aair. B5 $o!ering "he ris/ o is*o'er5, %oern *oni"ions $o!er "he os"ha" !o%en !i$$ suer "he *os"s o inie$i"5.

In *on"ras" "o "he an*es"ra$ 3a""ern o s%a$$ grou3 $i'ing !i"h on$5 a hanu$ o 3o"en"ia$ 3ar"ners "o *hoose ro%, %oern ur1an $i'ing 3ro'ies "housans. O33or"uni"ies or"raing u3 3resen" "he%se$'es ai$5. Re3ea"e e3osure "o ne! 3o"en"ia$ 3ar"ners, !hose$a!s re%ain *on*ea$e on irs" en*oun"ers, *an *rea"e issa"isa*"ion !i"h a *urren" 3ar"ner !hose *har%s ha'e !orn "hin !i"h "i%e.

Moern !or/ *oni"ions a$so ier ro% an*es"ra$ ones. In hun"er8ga"herer so*ie"ies,i'ision o $a1or o"en /e3" "he sees segrega"e. 0o%en 1rough" in e*ono%i* resour*es

"hrough ga"here 3$an"s an "u1ers, *are or *hi$ren, 3re3are %ea$s, an /e3" "he ho%eires 1urning. Men hun"e $arge ga%e, %os"$5 in "he *o%3an5 o o"her %en. In "he%oern seua$$5 in"egra"e !or/3$a*e, %en an !o%en !ho share si%i$ar in"eres"s !or/sie 15 sie or eigh" or %ore hours ea*h a5. Re3ea"e !or/3$a*e $ir"a"ions $o!er in"o 3eri$ous 3assions.

Moern !o%en share !i"h "heir an*es"ra$ %o"hers "he s"ra"eg5 o inie$i"5 !i"hin "heir%enu o %a"ing. Our seua$ s"ra"egies ha'e *hange $i""$e, 1u" "he so*ia$ !or$ !e no!



inha1i" iers 3rooun$5. These *hanges in*rease "he 1enei"s o inie$i"5 an e*rease"he *os"s, "i$"ing *os"81enei" *a$*u$a"ions "o!ar a grea"er "e%3"a"ion "o s"ra5. In a !or$o as" oo an as" %a"ing, !e %us" $earn "o *o3e.



CHAPTER 8

6o3ing S"ra"egies

On*e ha1i" has u$$e "he ege o @ea$ous5, a nu%1er o %en %a5 rin/ ro% a sing$e$o'e *ha$i*e !i"hou" re3ugnan*e an !i"hou" ran*or !hi$e "he !o%an /no!ing "ha" she isesire an 1eing s/i$$e in "he ar" o renering ha335 "hose !ho see/ her ou", 3ro*ees"o is3ense her *aresses an her ae*"ions in @us" an sa3ien" na"ure.

&aolo $antega66a%The Seua$ Re$a"ions o Man/in, +=-J

+ig 0oys don8t cry.

?uerrero and )eiter%Se Dieren*es an Si%i$ari"ies in 6o%%uni*a"ion, +==:

GO#ATHA# USED FIE>D >ASSES TOs35 on his !ie ro% aar. A"er 3re"ening "o $ea'e

"he house or !or/, he !ou$ se*re"$5 reen"er "he house in an a""e%3" "o "ra3 his !ie !i"hher $o'er. He sear*he "he house re3ea"e$5 or e'ien*e o her inie$i"5. He a**use his*hi$ren o *ons3iring "o *on*ea$ "heir %o"her?s $e*her5. Se'era$ "i%es he "hrea"eneneigh1ors !i"h 'io$en*e. He e'e$o3e a sinis"er ha1i" o !a$/ing aroun !i"h a raorin his 3o*/e". He reuen"$5 e3resse "he !ish "o /ee3 his !ie 3er3e"ua$$5 3regnan" so"ha" he *ou$ /ee3 her u$$5 o**u3ie. He /e3" her u3 $a"e %an5 nigh"s a""e%3"ing "osa"is5 !ha" he "hough" !as her insa"ia1$e $us" in orer "o issuae her ro% sa"is5ingi" e$se!here. His %e"hos o *o3ing /e3" his !ie ai"hu$, 1u" a" a "re%enous *os" "ohi%se$ an his a%i$5.

In Bar1aos, Veri"5, a ;-85ear8o$ !o%an, !or/e as a nurse, 3u$$ing o!n a s%a$$ 1u"re$ia1$e sa$ar5. She $i'e !i"h her hus1an or "hree 5ears 1eore "he5 %arrie. A$"hough%os" o "hese ear$5 5ears !ere %ar/e 15 3o'er"5, she e$" *on"en" as $ong as her hus1an$o'e her. Bu" "he $o'e soon s"ar"e "o !ane, an Veri"5 1e*a%e in*reasing$5 unha335 a"her hus1an?s ai$ures "o 3ro'ie, 1o"h e%o"iona$$5 an %a"eria$$5. He reuen"$5 as/eher or %one5, $ea'ing her !i"h 1i$$s un3ai an she$'es uns"o*/e. Beore $ong, Veri"5$earne "ha" her hus1an ha 1een ha'ing an aair !i"h a 'er5 5oung gir$. She is*o'ere



no" on$5 "ha" her hus1an ha 1een s3eningher %one5 on "he o"her gir$ 1u" a$so "ha" "he5ha so%e"i%es ha se in her o!n 1e. The ina$ s"ra! !as Veri"5?s is*o'er5 o "!o 3$ane "i*/e"s or a 'a*a"ion or her hus1an an his $o'er, "i*/e"s 3ur*hase !i"h Veri"5?shar8earne %one5.

To *o3e !i"h "his es*a$a"ing seuen*e o 1e"ra5a$s, she sough" "he a'i*e o a !o%anreno!ne or her !iso% an "oo/ "he o$$o!ing s"e3s. Veri"5 irs" e3$e"e a$$ "he%one5 ro% "heir @oin" 1an/ a**oun" an !en" "o ano"her 1an/ "o o3en an a**oun" so$e$5in her o!n na%e. #e", she "ra'e$e "o "he *i"5 !here her ri'a$ resie. She sa" on herri'a$?s s"airs or hours un"i$ "he 5oung !o%an a33eare, "hen @us" gra11e her, an I @us""a/e her insie near "he *oo/er an near "he 3o", "hrea"ening "o un/ "he 5oung!o%an?s a*e in 1oi$ing !a"er i she i no" /ee3 her hans o her hus1an.

Veri"5 i no" i'or*e her hus1an, sin*e she eare "ha" he !ou$ ge" "he house an a$$ o"heir 3ossessions, a*uire "hrough her o!n $a1ors. Bu" she i "a/e a $o'er. She*on*ea$e her o!n inie$i"5 ro% her hus1an, ins"ea %ee"ing her $o'er in his *ar,

a$!a5s a!a5 ro% areas !here "he5 %igh" 1e /no!n or is*o'ere. A$"hough none o "hiserase "he 3ain she e$" a1ou" her hus1an?s 1e"ra5a$, she ina$$5 e$" a %easure o *on"ro$o'er her $ie, 1o"h inan*ia$$5 an e%o"iona$$5.

The s"ra"egies use "o *o3e !i"h @ea$ous5 an inie$i"5 are a$%os" as 'arie as "he 3eo3$ein'o$'e an "he uniue *ir*u%s"an*es "he5 *onron". So 3er'asi'e an o%inous has 1een"he "hrea" o inie$i"5 "ha" i" !ou$ 1e sur3rising i hu%ans ha no" e'e$o3e a 'eri"a1$earsena$ o !ea3ons "o *o%1a" i"s o**urren*e. In "his *ha3"er !e !i"ness "he 3rin*i3$e o*o8e'o$u"ion a" !or/. 6o3ing s"ra"egies *a%e in"o eis"en*e "o *on"en !i"h rea$ anre*urren" aa3"i'e 3ro1$e%s. Sin*e aairs 3rou*e a *as*ae o *onseuen*es or a$$ 3$a5ers in "he e"erna$ "riang$e, no sing$e *o3ing s"ra"eg5 !i$$ sui*e.

Gea$ous5, o *ourse, $ies a" "he sour*e, $eaing irs" "o rage, "hen "o sou$8sear*hing, anina$$5 "o ra%a"i* a*"ion. Bu" "he a*"ion i" in*i"es is so i'erse "ha" i" eies singu$are3i*"ion. Vio$en*e an ho%i*ie, *o'ere in e"ai$ in *ha3"er J, re3resen" on$5 "he %os"es3era"e o *o3ing %e*hanis%s. This *ha3"er e$'es in"o "he 1roaer arra5 o *o3ings"ra"egies, ro% enia$ "o re'enge.

%linial Treatment of #ealousy

The *$ini*a$ an se$8he$3 $i"era"ure on *o3ing !i"h @ea$ous5 an inie$i"5 re'ea$s a 1ias"ha" ignores "he useu$ness o @ea$ous5. The *en"ra$ *o3ing issue is "53i*a$$5 ra%e as,

Ho! *an @ea$ous5 1e o'er*o%e as "hough "he 3ro1$e% $a5 so$e$5 or 3ri%ari$5 !i"h "he @ea$ous 3erson. Thera3is"s ehor" "he @ea$ous 3erson "o "a/e res3onsi1i$i"5 or "he @ea$ous5. In one *o%%on "hera3eu"i* "e*hniue, *a$$e syste#atic desensiti6ation% 3a"ien"sirs" $is" "he si"ua"ions "ha" !ou$ "rigger "heir @ea$ous5 an "hen ran/ "he% a**oring "o"he in"ensi"5 o @ea$ous5 "he5 e'o/e. Ha'ing one?s 3ar"ner %a/e e5e *on"a*" !i"h a ri'a$%igh" e'o/e %i$ @ea$ous5, o$$o!e 15 $ir"ing or *hee/8/issing. Dee3 Fren*h /issing%igh" e'o/e 5e" %ore @ea$ous5, es3e*ia$$5 i a**o%3anie 15 gro3ing an on$ing.



0i"nessing a $o'e one gi'ing ora$ se "o so%eone e$se, ho!e'er, %igh" 3ush a 3ersono'er "he ege in"o an un*on"ro$$a1$e rage.

A"er "his @ea$ous5 hierar*h5 is es"a1$ishe, 3a"ien"s are "augh" a 3rogressi'e re$aa"ion"e*hniue, !here15 ieren" 3ar"s o "he 1o5 are %e$$o!e in su**ession. Fina$$5, "he

"hera3is" ins"ru*"s "he 3a"ien" "o s"ar" i%agining "he @ea$ous58e'o/ing e'en"s, 1eginning!i"h "he %i$ ones, !hi$e %ain"aining 1oi$5 re$aa"ion. I "he 3a"ien" "enses !hi$e going"hrough "he hierar*h5, "he "hera3is" re"rea"s "o a %i$er $e'e$ un"i$ re$aa"ion is againes"a1$ishe. The u$"i%a"e goa$ is "o 1e*o%e so re$ae an *o%or"a1$e "ha" 'i'i i%ageso "he 3ar"ner "r5ing ou" ieren" seua$ 3osi"ions !i"h a ri'a$ are no %ore $i/e$5 "o e'o/e @ea$ous5 "han an inno*uous hansha/e.

i'en "he ee3 roo"s o "he angerous 3assion, e$i%ina"ing @ea$ous5 is un$i/e$5. I" *ou$on$5 1e one i "here !ere a ero 3ro1a1i$i"5 o inie$i"5 or ee*"ion2 i 3eo3$e ne'er$ir"e !i"h o"hers, ne'er s%i$e a" o"hers, an ne'er an*e !i"h o"hers i ri'a$s ne'ersho!e "he s$igh"es" in"eres" in ea*h o"hers? %a"es i 3eo3$e ne'er 1e*a%e issa"isie

!i"h "heir re$a"ionshi3s i a$$ *ou3$es !ere 3ere*"$5 %a"*he on %a"e 'a$ue an i a$$*hanges in esira1i$i"5 o**urre eua$$5 an in 3re*ise$5 "he sa%e !a5 or ea*h %e%1ero ea*h *ou3$e. Bu" shor" o $o*/ing *ou3$es a$one in iso$a"e *ha%1ers e'oi o a$$so*ia$ in"era*"ion, "hese *oni"ions !i$$ ne'er 1e %e".

Thera3is"s are no" a$one in "he 'ie! "ha" @ea$ous5 is an e%o"ion "ha" shou$ 1e 3urgero% our 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ re3er"oire. So%e resear*hers argue "ha" @ea$ous5 is a %a$a5 "ha"reuires in"er'en"ion. Se'era$ re*o%%en *ogni"i'e re*ons"rua$, !here15 re%aining ina re$a"ionshi3 es3i"e sus3e*"e aairs is 'ie!e 3osi"i'e$5a /in o ha3358iio"so$u"ion. So%e re*o%%en "hin/ing a1ou" 3osi"i'e as3e*"s o onese$ as a %e"ho orre$ie'ing @ea$ous5, re%inis*en" o "he 3a$$ia"i'e @us" sa5 no as a %agi* so$u"ion "o

%a/ing rug use isa33ear. An so%e 'ie! 'io$en" e3ressions o @ea$ous5 as signs "ha" a 3erson is %ere$5 rea*hing ou" or he$3 in $earning ho! "o *o3e !i"h "hese 3o!eru$ an*o%3$e e%o"ions, as "hough a %an !ho has @us" %urere his !ie in a @ea$ous rage @us" nees a 1i" o !ar%, un*oni"iona$ $o'e. A$$ o "hese re*o%%ena"ions ignore "hea*" "ha", in %os" ins"an*es, i"?s no" "he e3erien*e o @ea$ous5 3er se "ha"?s "he 3ro1$e% 1u" ra"her "he rea$ "hrea" o ee*"ion 15 a 3ar"ner in"eres"e in a rea$ ri'a$.

O1'ious$5, e3isoes o e"re%e, irra"iona$, or 3a"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5 *an es"ro5 ano"her!ise har%onious %arriage, as !e sa! in "he *ha3"er on "he O"he$$o s5nro%e.6o3ing s"ra"egies "ha" *arr5 "he so$e goa$ o e$i%ina"ing @ea$ous5, ho!e'er, !ou$ 1e $i/es%ashing a s%o/e a$ar% "o so$'e "he 3ro1$e% o a house ire. Su**essu$ *o3ing reuiresea$ing !i"h "he ire.

One *o%%on *o3ing s"ra"eg5 is "o 'isi" a "hera3is". Thera35 *an so%e"i%es 1e anenor%ous ai, *$ari5ing "he na"ure o "he 3ro1$e% an oering a ra"iona$ se" oa$"erna"i'e so$u"ions. 0e %us" re*ognie, ho!e'er, "ha" "hera35 %a5 no" 1e "he 3ere*" 3ana*ea. Thera3is"s so%e"i%es a33roa*h "he 3ro1$e%s !i"h %ora$ @ug%en"s an 3ersona$ 1iases "ha" o %ore har% "han goo. In a *ha3"er in "he'linical "and0ook of

'oupleTherapy% Fran/ Pi""%an, one o "he $eaing e3er"s in %ari"a$ inie$i"5, asser"e2



Inie$i"5 is no" nor%a$ 1eha'ior, 1u" a s5%3"o% o so%e 3ro1$e%. i'en "ha" as %an5as ha$ o a$$ %arrie ini'iua$s ha'e aairs, "hen a**oring "o "his e3er", as %an5 as J 3er*en" o "he 3o3u$a"ion %us" 1e *onsiere a1nor%a$.

Mari"a$ e3er"s o"en re*ognie "ha" "hera35 *anno" a$!a5s so$'e "he 3ro1$e% o %ari"a$

"rea*her5. In one *ase, a %an *ou$ no" e*ie 1e"!een his !ie an his aair 3ar"ner, a*o8!or/er2 The *u*/o$e !ie "hrea"ene i'or*e i he *ou$ no" %a/e u3 his %in. Heassure her "ha" he !as no" seeing "he o"her !o%an an5%ore, an a$"hough se resu%ein "he %arriage, "he in"i%a*5 !as no" rene!e, as !ou$ 1e e3e*"e i he rea$$5 !erea!a5 ro% his aairee. The !ie /e3" ining *$ues, su*h as $i3s"i*/8s"aine *igare""es inhis ash"ra5 an a !o%an?s uner3an"s in his g$o'e *o%3ar"%en". He "o$ her i" !as heri%agina"ion. She oun his *ar in "he !o%an?s ri'e!a5, an ra%%e i" "hrough "he!o%an?s $aunr5 roo%, 3$a5ing ha'o* !i"h "he 3$u%1ing. She e%ane "ha" "he aairee*o%e "o "he "hera35 session !i"h "he *ou3$e. In "he session, she inor%e "he aairee "ha"she !as s"i$$ s$ee3ing !i"h her hus1an, an "ha" he !as $5ing "o 1o"h o "he%. Theaairee e$" 1e"ra5e an s"a$/e ou", sa5ing so%e"hing "o "he ee*" "ha" a$$ %en in her

e3erien*e 1e"ra5 "heir !i'es, 1u" on$5 a rea$ assho$e !ou$ 1e"ra5 his gir$rien.Thera35 !as unsu**essu$ in "his *ase.

A$"hough "he "hera3is"?s oi*e is so%e"i%es a sae ha'en "o !or/ ou" au$"erous"riang$es, 3assions *an o'erhea" "o "he 3oin" o es"ru*"ion2 The "riang$e %ee"ing ha 1een 3$anne, 1u" "he e'er83a"ien" 1e"ra5e !ie an "he $ong8s"aning aairee 1o"hai$e "o sho! u3. As !e is*usse "he %a""er !i"h "he inie$ hus1an in "he oi*e, !ehear a s*u$ing in "he ha$$. The "!o !o%en !ere igh"ing. The !ie ha 1een running$a"e an "he aairee ha 1een hiing in "he s"air!e$$, !ai"ing or her. The aairee !as"r5ing "o hi" "he !ie !i"h a 3o*/e"1oo/ !hen "he hus1an *a%e ou" an 1ro/e i" u3. He 3ushe his 1ruise !ie a!a5 as he *o%or"e his so11ing aairee, an "hus ina$$5 %ae

"he e*ision "ha" 1ro/e "he i%3asse. A" $eas" in "his *ase, "he "hera35 or*e a e*ision,a$"hough no" one "he !ie $i/e.

As ano"her ea%3$e o "hera35 ai$ing "o hea$ a %arriage, *onsier "he o$$o!ing *ase in!hi*h "he hus1an reuse "o gi'e u3 his aair 3ar"ner, 1u" ina$$5 *onsen"e "o go "o"hera35 !i"h his !ie. He use "he "hera35 "o e$i'er a hur"u$ 1$o!2 He e3$aine "o his!ie "ha" she !as $u*/5 "o 1e %arrie "o hi% 1e*ause she !as su*h an ug$5 !o%an. Sheshou$ ee$ 3rou "o 1e %arrie "o a %an !ho !as a1$e "o ge" su*h a 1eau"iu$ aairee,an she shou$ a33re*ia"e "he in*rease s"a"us "ha" !ou$ *o%e ro% a**e3"ing "he ne!!o%an in"o a %nage W "rois. A$"hough "he !ie?s se$8*onien*e 3$u%%e"e "o an a$$8"i%e $o!, she s"i$$ ha enough *ourage "o ge" u3 an $ea'e her hus1an or goo.

Des3i"e "heir 1es" in"en"ions, "hera3is"s $a*/ing e"ensi'e /no!$ege o "he rea$ roo"s o @ea$ous5 *an or%u$a"e iagnoses "ha" %a5 *rea"e %ore ha'o* "han hea$ing. In one *ase, a%an iagnose as irra"iona$$5 @ea$ous e3resse his he$3$essness in "he a*e o a !ie!ho, ha'ing re"urne "o "he !or/or*e a"er *hi$ rearing, no! earne %ore "han he ana$so e3e*"e hi% "o uner"a/e "as/s a" ho%e "ha" *on"rai*"e his ir%$5 he$ 1u"una*/no!$ege *anons o %anhoo. In "his *ase, @ea$ous5 !as an e$e%en" in a 3o!ers"rugg$e 15 a %an e3ri'e o "he su33or"s or his ragi$e %as*u$ini"5 he e$" "ha" his !ie



ha renere hi% use$ess an ro11e hi% o his se$8es"ee%. He !an"e her ho%e ane3enen", 1u" . . . i" !as easier "o a**use her o au$"er5 "han "o 'oi*e . . . 1$a"an"$5 seis"e%ans.

In a""ri1u"ing "his %an?s @ea$ous5 "o seis% an ragi$e %as*u$ini"5, "he "hera3is" ai$e "o

re*ognie "ha" !o%en 3$a*e a s"rong 'a$ue on %en?s earning *a3a*i"5. He ai$e "ore*ognie "ha" !o%en !ho earn %ore "han "heir 3ar"ners are inee %ore $i/e$5 "o $ea'e"he% or soun aa3"i'e reasons. An he ai$e "o re*ognie "ha" !o%en !ho !or/ are%ore $i/e$5 "o ha'e aairs. In "his 3ar"i*u$ar *ase, !e o no" /no! !he"her "he %an?s!ie a*"ua$$5 ha an aair, nor o !e /no! !he"her his *on*erns !ere @us"iie. 0ha" !eo /no! is "ha" he !as res3oning "o a genuine "hrea", sin*e o'er "he $ong e3anse ohu%an e'o$u"ionar5 his"or5, %en in "hese si"ua"ions !ere %ore $i/e$5 "o suer ro% a%a"e?s inie$i"5 or ou"righ" ee*"ion. This is no" an argu%en", o *ourse, or !o%en "os"a5 a" ho%e or *ur"ai$ "heir *areers. Ra"her, i" sugges"s "ha" "he $a5ing o 1$a%e or @ea$ous5 a" "he ashiona1$e oors"e3 o ragi$e %as*u$ini"5 an seis" e%ans ai$s "oien"i5 "he rea$ uner$5ing *auses, an %a5 $ea "o "hera3eu"i* in"er'en"ions "ha" ai$.

%ulturally !resri"ed %o*ing Strategies

Sin*e @ea$ous5 an inie$i"5 are hu%an uni'ersa$s, i" shou$ *o%e as no sur3rise "ha"e'er5 *u$"ure has 3res*ri1e %e"hos o ea$ing !i"h "he%. 0hen i" *o%es "o $a!s ano"her san*"ions, "he o$en Ru$e a33$ies !i"h a 'engean*e "hose !ho ha'e "he go$%a/e "he ru$e. Throughou" hu%an re*ore his"or5, %os" $a!s ha'e 1een !ri""en an$egis$a"e 15 %en, so "he5 re$e*" a %a$e ra"her "han a e%a$e 3s5*ho$og5. A*ross %os"*u$"ures o'er hu%an re*ore his"or5, an inie$i"5 15 "he !ie is *onsiere "o 1eana$ogous "o a 3ro3er"5 'io$a"ion agains" "he hus1an. >a!s an o"her *u$"ura$san*"ions %e"e ou" 3unish%en" 1o"h "o "he ri'a$ !ho has "res3asse an "o "he !ie !ho

has 1e"ra5e.

In so%e *u$"ures, "hese san*"ions ha'e 1een se'ere. A%ong "he Bue o Fernano Po, anis$an o Eua"oria$ uinea, unai"hu$ !o%en are su1@e*"e "o an es*a$a"ing series o 3unish%en"s2 For "he irs" oense, "he oener?s han is *u" o an "he s"u%3 isi%%erse in 1oi$ing oi$ or "he se*on oense, "he o3era"ion is re3ea"e !i"h "he righ"han or "he "hir, "he oener?s hea is *u" o an "hen "here is no nee o oi$.

A%ong "he Baiga o 6en"ra$ Inia, one !o%an inor%an" re'ea$e an e3isoe in !hi*hher hus1an *augh" her in an e%1ra*e !i"h her $o'er. The hus1an a""a*/e "he ri'a$ !i"ha 1$aing $og, an "hen $a"er inser"e ho" *hi$i 3e33ers in"o her 'agina as 3unish%en".

In$i*"ing isgra*e has 1een a *o%%on *u$"ura$ s"ra"eg5 or *o3ing !i"h inie$i"5. A%ong"he 6u%ae in 6a%3agna in an*ien" I"a$5, "he au$"erous !o%an !as s"ri33e ane3ose "o "he insu$"s o "he *ro! or %an5 hours, a"er !hi*h she !as rien on an ass"hrough "he *i"5. She re%aine ishonore ore'er a"er, an !as *a$$e she !ho has%oun"e "he ass.? In #or"h A%eri*an Inian "ri1es, au$"er5 !as *o%%on$5 3unishe 15'arious or%s o 1o5 %u"i$a"ion, su*h as *u""ing o "he au$"eress?s hair, ears, $i3s, ornose.



In *u$"ures !i"h !ri""en $a!s, seua$ inie$i"5 is a$%os" a$!a5s "arge"e or s3e*ia$$egis$a"ion an 3unish%en". This 3oin" is !or"h5 o 3ause. Throughou" "he en"ire !or$,!here'er hu%ans ha'e !ri""en $a!s, !ho %a5 s$ee3 !i"h !ho% has a$!a5s 1een$egis$a"ea "e$$ing *$ue a1ou" hu%an na"ure.

A%ong "he Ya3 in "he Mi*ronesian is$ans, au$"er5 15 a !o%an is *$assiie as a "he",a$ong !i"h "he "he" o 3ersona$ goos, *o*onu"s an so or"h. In 'arious grou3s inAri*a, su*h as "he Ki3sigis o Ken5a, !o%en are 3ur*hase 15 3a5%en" o *a""$e ano"her $i'es"o*/. 0hen a %an is *augh" s$ee3ing !i"h ano"her %an?s !ie, "he oener%us" *o%3ensa"e "he hus1an in /in !i"h a 3a5%en" o *a""$e.

San*"ione %e"hos o *o3ing, *oiie in $a!, so%e"i%es *$ai% "he Bi1$e or o"herre$igious o*u%en"s as "heir sour*es. A**oring "o one 3assage, or ea%3$e, "he >ori*"a"e "o Moses "o en@oin "he 3eo3$e o Israe$ "o 1ring !o%en sus3e*"e o inie$i"5 "o"he 3ries", !ho !ou$ "hen %a/e "he% rin/ !a"er o 1i""erness. I "he !o%an !asinno*en", "he 1i""er !a"er !ou$ ha'e no i$$ ee*". Bu" i "he !o%an !as gui$"5 o

inie$i"5, she !ou$ a1sor1 "he !a"er, !hi*h !ou$ %a/e her 1o5 s!e$$ !i"h 3ain.

One *u$"ura$$5 a33ro'e %e"ho o guaring agains" e%a$e inie$i"5 in'o$'es geni"a$%u"i$a"ion, !hi*h is !ies3rea in *u$"ures a*ross nor"hern an *en"ra$ Ari*a, Ara1ia,Inonesia, an Ma$a5sia. 6$i"orie*"o%5, "he surgi*a$ re%o'a$ o "he *$i"oris, ra%a"i*a$$5reu*es "he seua$ 3$easure "ha" !o%en e3erien*e, 3resu%a1$5 e"erring "he% ro%s"ra5ing. 6$i"orie*"o%5 is in$i*"e on %i$$ions o !o%en in %oern "i%es, a$"hough"here are %o'e%en"s uner !a5 "o e$i%ina"e "he 3ra*"i*e.

The !ri"er A$i*e 0a$/er es*ri1es a nu%1er o hear"8!ren*hing e3isoes o*$i"orie*"o%5. Here is one ro% Ma$i, Ari*a2 A%ong %5 3eo3$e, gir$s are no" e*ise

1eore "he5 ha'e 1reas"s, 1eore "he5 e'e$o3 an are %a"ure. I $e" %5 'i$$age "o go "o"he *a3i"a$ !hen I !as "!e$'e, an u3 "o "ha" "i%e %5 a"her han?" as/e %e "o 1ee*ise . . . !hen "he5 as/e %e "o go "hrough "he e*ision !i"h "he o"her gir$s, I %ae ane*use "ha" I !as i$$, 1e*ause I? a$rea5 as/e ho! "he5 i "he e*ision. I /ne! "he5 *u"so%e"hing o, "ha" i" !as 'er5 3ainu$, an "ha" so%e o "he gir$s !ere 1a$5 "rau%a"ie. . . I ha a rien !ho% I $o'e a $o" !ho ie as a resu$" o "he e*ision . . . 0hen I "o$%5 a"her I in?" !an" "o su1%i" "o "he e*ision . . . he i no" a**e3" i", he hi" %e . . . SoI "rie "o e3$ain "o %5 ian* !hen he *a%e a" nigh" "o see %e I ho3e "ha" as %5 u"urehus1an he !ou$ uners"an. I e3$aine "o %5 ian* "ha" I !as righ"ene I "o$ hi%ho! 3ainu$ i" !ou$ 1e an "ha" %5 rien ha ie an I %igh" ie, "oo . . . He in?" "r5"o uners"an he sai he *ou$ no" a**e3" i" ei"her . . . He sai he *ou$ no" 1e 3rou o a!o%an !ho !ou$ 1e ir"5, !ho !ou$ 1e $i/e a !hore, an he !ou$ 1e asha%e . . .He a1anone %e. This 5oung !o%an %anage "o es*a3e "he 1ru"a$i"5 o*$i"orie*"o%5, 1u" her s"or5 an %an5 o"hers $i/e i" re'ea$ "ha" *on*ern !i"h e%a$eie$i"5 $ies a" "he *ore o geni"a$ %u"i$a"ion.

Ano"her 3ra*"i*e *o%%on in Ari*a is ini1u$a"ion, "he se!ing shu" o "he $a1ia %a@ora,so%e"i%es one a"er *$i"orie*"o%5. A**oring "o one es"i%a"e, 9J %i$$ion !o%en $i'ing"oa5 in - Ari*an *oun"ries ha'e suere "his or% o geni"a$ %u"i$a"ion. Ini1u$a"ion



ee*"i'e$5 3re'en"s seua$ in"er*ourse. I" is so%e"i%es 3eror%e a" "he insis"en*e o a!o%an?s /in as a guaran"ee "o a u"ure hus1an o "he !o%an?s ie$i"5. A"er %arriage,ini1u$a"e !o%en %us" 1e *u" o3en "o 3er%i" seua$ in"er*ourse, 1e*ause o"her!ise "he'agina$ o3ening is "oo s%a$$. I "he hus1an goes a!a5 or a !hi$e, ho!e'er, his !ie%a5 1e reini1u$a"e. The e*ision "o reini1u$a"e usua$$5 res"s !i"h "he hus1an an his

a33raisa$ o his !ie?s $i/e$ihoo o inie$i"5.

0es"ern na"ions ha'e his"ori*a$$5 ena*"e $a!s "ha" 3eror% si%i$ar un*"ions, a$"hough 15 $ess 1ru"a$ %eans. Toa5, inus"ria$ na"ions ha'e $a!s "ha" a33roa*h a sing$e s"anaror au$"er5, a33$i*a1$e eua$$5 "o 1o"h sees, 1u" "his "ren has 1een e"re%e$5 s$o! in*o%ing. Au$"er5 *o%%i""e 15 a hus1an !as no!here *onsiere a *ri%e un"i$ +:+,an e'en "hen, "rue eua$i"5 !as no" *oiie. Fren*h $a! %ae i" a *ri%e or a %an "o/ee3 a %is"ress in "he sa%e house !i"h his !ie on$5 i his !ie o1@e*"e "o i". I" !as no"un"i$ +:J "ha" Aus"ria ("he irs" *oun"r5 "o o so& %ae %a$e an e%a$e inie$i"5 eua$*ri%ina$ a*"s. His"ori*a$$5, ho!e'er, a%ong "he A"e*s, In*as, Ma5ans, "he er%ani*"ri1es o !es"ern Euro3e, "he 6hinese an Ga3anese, in o$er *i"ies in "he $an no! *a$$e

Ira, an in %an5 o"her eas" Asian *u$"ures, "he a%i$iar ou1$e s"anar ru$e2 au$"er5!as a *ri%e agains" "he hus1an, an "he $a!s 3er%i"e re*o%3ense or re'enge 15 "he'i*"i%.

+igilane

Our s"uies o a"ing an %arrie *ou3$es ha'e o*use on 3ersona$, ra"her "han $ega$ or*u$"ura$$5 *oiie, *o3ing s"ra"egies. Main"aining 'igi$an*e is "he irs" $ine o eense.0hen a*e !i"h an un*er"ain "hrea", %en an !o%en a$i/e s"ar" *a$$ing "heir 3ar"ners a"une3e*"e "i%es "o see i "he5 are !here "he5 sai "he5 !ou$ 1e. O"her s"ra"egiesin*$ue snoo3ing "hrough "he 3ar"ner?s 3ersona$ 1e$ongings, ro33ing 15 une3e*"e$5,

an reaing 3ersona$ %ai$. Hus1ans an !i'es /ee3 a *$ose e5e on "heir 3ar"ners a" 3ar"ies, %ain"ain *$ose 3h5si*a$ 3roi%i"5 !hen ri'a$s %igh" 1e aroun, an e'en as/riens "o /ee3 an e5e ou" on "heir 3o"en"ia$$5 erran" 3ar"ners.

Vigi$an*e 5ie$s inor%a"ion "ha" he$3s "o *$ari5 !he"her an aa3"i'e "hrea" is rea$ or no".On*e i" is e"er%ine "o 1e rea$, ho!e'er, a ne! se" o *o3ing s"ra"egies /i*/s in.

5ulfilling a !artner,s Desires

One una%en"a$ *o3ing s"ra"eg5 in'o$'es se$8enhan*e%en". The e'o$u"ionar5 3s5*ho$og5 o esire a*"ua$$5 3rei*"s "he ua$i"ies a 3erson "arge"s or se$8enhan*e%en".

Be*ause %en 3$a*e a 3re%iu% on !o%en?s a33earan*e, !hereas !o%en *are %ore a1ou"%en?s resour*es, su**essu$ "a*"i*s o se$8enhan*e%en" shou$ 1e se8$in/e "o*orres3on "o "he esires o one?s %a"e. Does "he e'ien*e 1ear ou" "his 3rei*"ion

I%agine !a"*hing a 'ieo"a3e o a *ou3$e si""ing on a *ou*h engage in *on'ersa"ion.The5 *u$e, /iss, an "ou*h ea*h o"her or a %inu"e. Then, one o "he 3ar"ners ge"s u3 "orei$$ "heir g$asses !i"h !ine. Se*ons $a"er, an in"er$o3er en"ers an is in"rou*e as "heo$ gir$rien or 1o5rien o "he 3ar"ner !ho re%aine on "he *ou*h. The 3ar"ner s"ans



u3 an 1rie$5 hugs "he in"er$o3er, "hen "he "!o si" o!n on "he *ou*h. O'er "he ne"%inu"e, "he5 /iss, "ou*h, an si" *$ose "o ea*h o"her. Then "he a1sen" 3ar"ner re"urns, s"o3sin his or her "ra*/s, !ine g$asses in han, an $oo/s o!n a" "he 3ar"ner sho!ing ae*"ion"o a ri'a$ on "he *ou*h. The "a3e ens. Go5*e She""e$8#eu1er an her *o$$eagues a" SanDiego S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 ha 1o"h %en an !o%en !a"*h se8s3e*ii* 'ieo"a3es "he %en

!a"*he a 'ersion !i"h an o$ 1o5rien in"er$o3er !hi$e "he !o%en !a"*he a 'ersion!i"h an o$ gir$rien in"er$o3er. I 5ou !ere "he one s"aning "here ho$ing "he !ineg$asses, !ha" !ou$ 5ou o Ho! !ou$ 5ou *o3e !i"h "his ri'a$, a or%er %a"e o 5our 3ar"ner

0o%en !ho see "he "a3e are near$5 "!i*e as $i/e$5 as %en "o re3or" "ha" "he5 !ou$ "r5 "o%a/e "he%se$'es %ore 3h5si*a$$5 a""ra*"i'e "o "heir 3ar"ner. The5 !ou$ reou1$e "heireor"s a" 1eau"5 "rea"%en"s, hair s"5$ing, an !or/ing ou". 0o%en enhan*e "heira33earan*e as a *o3ing s"ra"eg5 !hen "hrea"ene !i"h a ri'a$. The %en re3or"e "ha" "he5!ou$ ge" angr5 or ge" run/.

Our s"uies o +< ne!$5!es *onir%e "ha" a *o%%on s"ra"eg5 !o%en use "o *o3e!i"h "hrea"s o inie$i"5 is "o enhan*e "heir 3h5si*a$ a33earan*e. In a o$$o!8u3 s"u5 o"his ne!$5!e sa%3$e our 5ears $a"er, !o%en !ho e$" "he nee "o guar "heir 3ar"ners*on"inue "o use a33earan*e enhan*e%en" as a 3ri%ar5 *o3ing s"ra"eg5.

A33earan*e enhan*e%en" e%erges 3ro%inen"$5 in *ase s"uies o *o3ing s"ra"egies, 1o"hin "he *$ini*a$ $i"era"ure an in our s"uies. In one *ase, a !o%an !ho ha 1een %arrieor +; 5ears an gi'en 1ir"h "o "hree *hi$ren one a5 is*o'ere her hus1an in 1e !i"hano"her !o%an. She 1e*a%e h5s"eri*a$ !hen he *onesse "ha" "he aair ha 1een goingon or i'e 5ears. She *onsiere a 'arie"5 o o3"ions, in*$uing /i$$ing hi% an*o%%i""ing sui*ie. A"er %an5 %on"hs, she s"i$$ s"rugg$e !i"h her hus1an?s 1e"ra5a$.

E'er5 !o%an she %e" on "he s"ree" e'o/e i%ages o her hus1an in a 1e o 1e"ra5a$.E'er5 !o%an *ause her "o !oner2 0ou$ he in her %ore a""ra*"i'e "han %e Shou$I eer*ise %ore, a""e%3" "o 1e*o%e seier, ha'e %5 hair "in"e or ie %ore o"en She 1e*a%e o1sesse !i"h ho! she $oo/e an "oo/ s"e3s "o i%3ro'e her a33earan*e.

Men ha'e a" "heir is3osa$ a 3ara$$e$ s"ra"eg5*a3i"a$iing on !o%en?s esire or %en!ho sho! "he a1i$i"5 an !i$$ingness "o *o%%i" a""en"ion, eor", an resour*es "o "he%.Our s"uies o +< %arrie *ou3$es an + a"ing *ou3$es is*o'ere "ha" %en are ar%ore $i/e$5 "han !o%en "o in*rease "heir is3$a5 o resour*es !hen ee$ing "hrea"ene!i"h a %a"e?s 3ossi1$e ee*"ion. Men re3or" 1u5ing "heir 3ar"ners gi"s, $o!ers, an @e!e$r5, an "a/ing "he% ou" "o e3ensi'e res"auran"s. These in*reases in resour*e is3$a5o**ur !hen %en ee$ "he nee "o s"e3 u3 "heir eor"s a" %a"e guaring "o is*ourage "heir 3ar"ner ro% see/ing $o'e in "he ar%s o ano"her %an.

A**oring "o "he 1igges" ro*/ grou3 o a$$ "i%e, "he Bea"$es, $o'e is a$$ 5ou nee.A$"hough "his 3ro*$a%a"ion unou1"e$5 o'ers"a"es "he *ase, i" *arries an i%3or"an"%essage or *o3ing !i"h a 3ar"ner?s "hrea" o ee*"ion. A$"hough 1o"h sees 3rie $o'e in"he $ong "er%, !o%en are es3e*ia$$5 sensi"i'e "o i"s signa$s. >o'e *arries "he 3ro%ise o*o%%i"%en" o'er "he $ong hau$. 0hen a*e !i"h signa$s o a 3ar"ner?s ee*"ion, !e



oun "ha" 1o"h sees, 1u" es3e*ia$$5 %en, reou1$e "heir is3$a5s o $o'e an ae*"ion.6onsier "hese s3e*ii* a*"ions2 I "o$ her "ha" I $o'e her I !en" ou" o %5 !a5 "o 1e/in, ni*e, an *aring I *o%3$i%en"e her on her a33earan*e I !as he$3u$ !hen sherea$$5 neee i" I is3$a5e grea"er ae*"ion or her. A$$ o "hese $o'e a*"s s*ore in "he"o3 + 3er*en" o ee*"i'e %a"e re"en"ion "a*"i*s. In a*", "hese i'e a*"s !ere @uge "o 1e

"he %os" ee*"i'e "a*"i*s o %a"e re"en"ion ou" o "he en"ire se" o +; a*"s !e ea%ine.

T!o o"her /e5 inings are !or"h5 o no"e. Firs", "he $o'e "a*"i* sho!e "he $arges" seieren*e o a$$ "he "a*"i*s ea%ine in i"s ee*"i'eness a" %a"e re"en"ion. Men !ho aresu**essu$ a" /ee3ing "heir 3ar"ners o"en s"e3 u3 "heir is3$a5s o $o'e !hen "hrea"ene!i"h a 3ossi1$e 3ar"ner ee*"ion. Men !ho ai$ in "hese is3$a5s "en "o 1e $osers in $o'e.Se*on, "he is3$a5 o $o'e is *$ose$5 $in/e !i"h "hree /e5 a*"ors a%ong "he a"ing*ou3$es2 nu%1er o %on"hs "he5 ha'e 1een in'o$'e, e%o"iona$ *$oseness, an "he 3ro1a1i$i"5 "ha" "he5 !i$$ 1e "oge"her o'er "he $ong "er%. On$5 e%o"iona$$5 *$ose *ou3$es!ho 3$an "o s"a5 "oge"her e3ress "heir %a"e re"en"ion "a*"i*s "hrough $o'e.

Emotional Mani*ulation

One s"ra"eg5 o *o3ing !i"h a 3ar"ner?s 3ossi1$e ee*"ion is "o inu*e gui$". 0h5 ihu%ans e'o$'e "o e3erien*e gui$" in "he irs" 3$a*e A**oring "o e'o$u"ionar5 "heoris"Pau$ i$1er", gui$" e'o$'e as an in"erna$ %oni"oring %e*hanis% "ha" a$$o!e ini'iua$s"o /ee3 "ra*/ o re*i3ro*i"5 in re$a"ionshi3s. Benei"s 1es"o!e an *os"s in$i*"e *anno"ge" "oo ar ou" o 1a$an*e in in"i%a"e re$a"ionshi3s. I "he5 o, 3ar"i*i3an"s run "he ris/ o 1eing e3$oi"e (i "he5 gi'e %ore "han "he5 re*ei'e& or 1eing 1rane an e3$oi"er (i"he5 "a/e %ore "han "he5 gi'e&. A**oring "o "his "heor5, "he grea"er "he $o'e, "he %ores"rong$5 one is %o"i'a"e "o re*i3ro*a"e, an hen*e "he %ore gui$" one !i$$ e3erien*e a"re*i3ro*a"ion ai$ures. ui$" is e'o/e !hen 5ou 3er*ei'e "ha" 5ou?'e *ause 3ain an

suering in $o'e ones, a$$ing shor" o "heir e3e*"a"ions.

On*e gui$" has e'o$'e, i" is sus*e3"i1$e "o *o8e'o$u"ionar5 e3$oi"a"ion as a %a"ere"en"ion e'i*e. In our s"uies o %a"e re"en"ion "a*"i*s, 3ar"i*i3an"s "o$ us "ha" "he5in"en"iona$$5 inu*e gui$" in "heir 3ar"ners 15 *r5ing !hen "heir 3ar"ners ini*a"e in"eres"in o"hers, 15 "hrea"ening "o har% "he%se$'es i "heir 3ar"ner $ea'es "he%, an 15 3re"ening "o 1e %a a1ou" a 3ar"ner?s $ir"a"ion. A e! 1e*a%e 1orer$ine anorei*, 1$a%ing "he 3ar"ner or "heir $oss o a33e"i"e. A e! e'en "hrea"ene sui*ie "o inu*egui$".

6on"rar5 "o *o%%on s"ereo"53es, %en an !o%en use gui$" "a*"i*s eua$$5. 0e

is*o'ere "ha" "hese *o3ing "a*"i*s !ere eua$$5 ee*"i'e in re"aining a %a"e or 1o"hsees, ea*h s*oring in "he %oera"e$5 ee*"i'e range. S"ereo"53es o !o%en as "he %oree%o"iona$$5 %ani3u$a"i'e se, a" $eas" !hen i" *o%es "o %a"e re"en"ion s"ra"egies, area$se.

Inu*ing gui$" "hrough e%o"iona$ %ani3u$a"ion a*uires i"s ee*"i'eness 15 e3$oi"ing 3eo3$e?s e'o$'e 3s5*ho$og5 o re$a"ionshi3 1a$an*e an re*i3ro*i"5. B5 ini*a"ing "ha"one is 3s5*ho$ogi*a$$5 in@ure, "he s"ra"egis" e'o/es a""e%3"s "o res"ore 1a$an*e 15



in*reasing *o%%i"%en", 15 reou1$ing $o'e, 15 a'oiing *on"a*" !i"h o"hers, anu$"i%a"e$5 15 re%aining !i"h "he %a"e. I" !or/s in 3ar" 1e*ause *r5ing an es3onen*5*on'e5 "he e3"h !i"h !hi*h one 3ar"ner 'a$ues "he o"hera signa$ "ha" su*h*o%%i"%en" !i$$ 1e ii*u$" "o re3$a*e. Be*o%ing irre3$a*ea1$e %a5 1e "he /e5 "o*o%%i"%en". I" *an on$5 !or/, ho!e'er, i "he "arge" o "his "a*"i* is 3rone "o res3on 15

res"oring "he 1a$an*e.

O'er "he $ong run, e%o"iona$ %ani3u$a"ion "hrough gui$" inu*"ion is a !ea/ "a*"i* 1e*ause i" signa$s e3enen*5 on "he 3ar"ner an a ei*i" in %a"e 'a$ue. Inu*ing gui$"%a5 $ose 3o"en*5 !i"h reuen" use, 1u" i"s s3aring a33$i*a"ion, !hen use in *on@un*"ion!i"h o"her *o3ing s"ra"egies, %a5 /ee3 a %a"e ro% s"ra5ing an /ee3 e%o"iona$*o%%i"%en"s in 1a$an*e.

!syhologial %o*ing Strategies

Tha" so%e *o3ing s"ra"egies en"ai$ in!ar 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ re*a$i1ra"ion ra"her "han ou"!ar

a*"ion shou$ *o%e as no sur3rise. A*"ua$ or sus3e*"e inie$i"ies *an sha""er $ong8he$!or$'ie!s o %onoga%5 an %ari"a$ har%on5, *ause a 3erson "o ues"ion her or hiso!n !or"h as a %a"e, an %ore genera$$5 *a$$ or a reassess%en" o one?s $ie *ourse.Ps5*ho$ogi*a$ %e"hos o *o3ing %a5 1e inis3ensa1$e !ea3ons in "he arsena$ reuire"o ea$ !i"h 1e"ra5a$.

Denial

In "he *ourse o in"er'ie!ing %arrie *ou3$es, one !o%anI?$$ *a$$ her Tian5 "o 3reser'e *onien"ia$i"5re3or"e "ha" she sus3e*"e her hus1an o *hea"ing. Tian5e"e*"e "!o *$ues. Firs", she is*o'ere @e!e$r5 in "heir 1eroo% *$ose" @us" 1eore her

1ir"ha5. Be$ie'ing "ha" her hus1an ha 1ough" "he gi" or her, she *areu$$5 re!ra33ean re3$a*e i". Her 1ir"ha5 *a%e an !en", 1u" she re*ei'e no @e!e$r5. 0hen she*onron"e her hus1an, he "o$ her "ha" she %us" 1e i%agining "hings. So she $e" i" ro3.Se*on, !hen gi'ing hi% ora$ se, Tian5 no"i*e "ha" he "as"e an s%e$$e $i/e $a"e,e'en "hough "he5 use 3i$$s ra"her "han *ono%s as 1ir"h *on"ro$. These sus3i*ious *$ues*oin*ie !i"h a5s !hen he s"a5e $a"e a" "he oi*e. The signa$s s*rea%e o inie$i"5, 1u" her hus1an aa%an"$5 enie i". 0hen I as/e her !he"her she "hough" "ha" herhus1an !as ha'ing an aair, she "o$ %e "ha" she in?" "hin/ so. He?s "he %os" hones"%an I /no!, she sai, an i he sa5s he?s no" ha'ing an aair, "hen he?s no".

A" irs" 1$ush, "his enia$ see%e sur3rising. The *$ues 3ro'ie o'er!he$%ing e'ien*e

o 1e"ra5a$. Bu" /no!ing "he e"ai$s o her $ie %ae "he enia$ %ore uners"ana1$e, ino" su3re%e$5 sensi1$e. Tian5 ha our *hi$ren an !i"hou" a 3a5ing @o1 !ase*ono%i*a$$5 e3enen" on her hus1an. I she ai$e "o 1e$ie'e her hus1an an or*e"he aair in"o "he o3en, i" *ou$ ha'e resu$"e in a isas"rous i'or*e. So she *on'in*eherse$ "ha" she ha i%agine "he *$ues an "ha" a$$ !as !e$$ in her %arriage a"er a$$.

As i" "urne ou", "his *o3ing s"ra"eg5 !or/e !e$$. O'er "i%e, Tian5?s hus1an gre! 1ore !i"h his aair. He s"o33e s"a5ing $a"e a" "he oi*e. 0hen "he5 ha se, he no



$onger s%e$$e o $a"e *ono%s. Toa5, "he5 are ha33i$5 %arrie an en@o5 raising "heirour 1eau"iu$ *hi$ren in a s"a1$e %ari"a$ en'iron%en".

A$"hough 1o"h sees so%e"i%es use enia$ as a *o3ing s"ra"eg5, a re*en" s"u5 re'ea$e"ha" %en use i" %ore reuen"$5 "han !o%en. In a s"u5 o -J+ ini'iua$s in Dunein,

#e! Lea$an, Pau$ Mu$$en an G. Mar"in s"uie s"ra"egies use "o *o3e !i"h @ea$ous5.The5 oun "ha" + 3er*en" o "he %en, 1u" on$5 +- 3er*en" o "he !o%en, use enia$,ignoring "hrea"s o inie$i"5 in "he ho3es "ha" "he5 !ou$ go a!a5.

A$"hough enia$ %a5 see% $i/e a s"range or %a$aa3"i'e *o3ing s"ra"eg5, "here are *$ear$5*ir*u%s"an*es in !hi*h i" is ee*"i'e. So%e 3ro1$e%s si%3$5 go a!a5 o'er "i%e !i"hou"an5one oing %u*h o an5"hing a" a$$.

Self-Reliance and Self-olstering

I%agine "ha" 5ou 3hone 5our ro%an"i* 3ar"ner a" ho%e an an una%i$iar 'oi*e ans!ers.

#o! i%agine "ha" 5our ro%an"i* 3ar"ner has $un*h !i"h an a""ra*"i'e 3erson o "heo33osi"e se. Fina$$5, i%agine "ha" 5our ro%an"i* 3ar"ner 'isi"s a or%er $o'er. Ho!!ou$ 5ou *o3e !i"h "hese 3o"en"ia$ "hrea"s The 3s5*ho$ogis"s Pe"er Sa$o'e5 an Gui"hRoin *onu*"e a s5s"e%a"i* ana$5sis o 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ *o3ing s"ra"egies. The5 as/e =J 3eo3$e "o ra"e "he egree "o !hi*h "he5 use +J ieren" *o3ing s"ra"egies in res3onse "oa 'arie"5 o 3ossi1$e "hrea"s "o ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s, ranging ro% a 3ar"ner ha'ing$un*h !i"h so%eone e$se "o a 3ar"ner ha'ing a $ori aair !i"h so%eone e$se.

Through "he s"a"is"i*a$ 3ro*eure o a*"or ana$5sis, "hese resear*hers ien"iie "!o 3ri%ar5 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ *o3ing s"ra"egies. The irs", $a1e$e selfAreliance% in'o$'e 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ a""e%3"s "o rerain ro% "hin/ing a1ou", or 1e*o%ing e%o"iona$ a1ou", "he

inie$i"5 "hrea"no" ee$ing angr5 or e%1arrasse, an no" "hin/ing a1ou" "he unairnesso "he si"ua"ion. This %oe o 1e*o%ing 3hi$oso3hi*a$ a1ou" "he %a""er, ho!e'er, is"ough "o o sin*e one?s se$8es"ee% *an e3erien*e a "re%enous 1$o!.

The se*on 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ *o3ing %e"ho is selfA0olstering% !hi*h in'o$'es a""e%3"s "oshore u3 se$8es"ee%. Peo3$e re3or" *ons*ious$5 "hin/ing a1ou" "heir goo ua$i"ies, oingso%e"hing ni*e or "he%se$'es, an 1o$s"ering ho! "he5 ee$ a1ou" "he%se$'es. Se$8 1o$s"ering o1'ious$5 !ou$ no" 1e ne*essar5 i se$8es"ee% i no" 3$u%%e" in "he a*e oan inie$i"5 "hrea".

Su**ressing and Evo1ing #ealousy

#o e%o"ion *an sha""er rea%s an 1ones as %u*h as @ea$ous5. I"?s an aa3"i'e signa$ oan i%3ening "hrea" "o a 3ri%ar5 $o'e re$a"ionshi3. I"?s an e%o"ion "ha" *an ri'e a!o%an "o o1sessi'e 'igi$an*e, or a %an "o re*/$ess 'io$en*e. I" 1e*o%es a$$ "he %ore 3u$ing, "hereore, "ha" u$$5 J 3er*en" o a$$ ini'iua$s !ho re3or"e on s3e*ii*e3isoes o @ea$ous5 ini*a"e "ha" "he5 in"en"iona$$5 "rie "o *on*ea$ "heir @ea$ous5 ro%"heir 3ar"ner an /e3" "heir ee$ings "o "he%se$'es. 0h5 !ou$ "his aa3"i'e e%o"ion 1e



su33resse 0h5 !ou$ "he a$ar% 1e$$ 1e *on*ea$e ro% "he 'er5 3erson res3onsi1$e or"riggering i" "o 1egin !i"h

The ans!er "o "his %5s"er5 $ies !i"h "he $ogi* o %a"e 'a$ue. 0hi$e "he e3erien*e o @ea$ous5 ser'es as a signa$ o e"erna$ "hrea", "he is3$a5 o @ea$ous5 is o"en in"er3re"e as

a sign "ha" "he @ea$ous 3erson is $o!er "han his or her 3ar"ner in esira1i$i"5. Those !hore%ain inieren" "o a 3ar"ner?s $ir"a"ions, *onien" in "heir %a"e?s ie$i"5, assure in"heir 'ie! "ha" "heir 3ar"ner *anno" o 1e""er on "he %a"ing %ar/e", o no" is3$a5 @ea$ous5. On "he o"her han, "hose !ho ee$ "ha" "heir 3osi"ion is inee "hrea"ene, "ha""heir 3ar"ner %igh" $ea'e, "ha" "he5 %igh" in i" ii*u$" "o re3$a*e "heir *urren" 3ar"ner,*anno" he$3 1u" e3erien*e 3angs o @ea$ous5.

So "he *o8e'o$u"ion o signa$s "a/es o'er. 0ha" s"ar"e ou" as an e%o"ion esigne "o ea$!i"h a rea$ aa3"i'e 3ro1$e% has "urne in"o a signa$ "ha" *an 1e in"er3re"e 15 one?s %a"ean a$$ o"hers as a sign o re$a"i'e$5 $o! %a"e 'a$ue. A" "his s"age in "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5ar%s ra*e, %os" 3eo3$e iner "ha" "he %ore @ea$ous 3ar"ner is "he 3ar"ner $o!er in

esira1i$i"5. An i" is "his a!u$ ineren*e, !hi*h i"se$ *an $o!er a 3erson?s se$8 3er*ei'e esira1i$i"5, "ha" has $e "o %onu%en"a$ eor"s "o su33ress "he ou"!ar is3$a5o @ea$ous5. B5 /ee3ing i" *on*ea$e, "he @ea$ous 3erson a'ois ge""ing *o%3areuna'ora1$5 !i"h a ri'a$, a'ois re3u"a"iona$ a%age, an a1o'e a$$, reu*es "he os "ha""he regu$ar %a"e !i$$ 'ie! hi% or her as a $oser. B5 *on*ea$ing @ea$ous5, a 3erson *an*on*ea$ "he is3$a5 o ee$ing "hrea"ene an %u"e 3er*e3"ions o a ieren*e inesira1i$i"5.

Ano"her *o%%on s"ra"eg5 is "o in"en"iona$$5 e'o/e @ea$ous5 in one?s 3ar"ner. In ours"uies o %a"e re"en"ion "a*"i*s, !e oun "ha" so%e ini'iua$s in"en"iona$$5 "a$/ "o%e%1ers o "he o33osi"e se a" 3ar"ies "o %a/e "heir 3ar"ner @ea$ous, sho! o'er" in"eres"

in o"hers "o %a/e "heir 3ar"ner angr5, an e'en s%i$e an $ir" !i"h o"hers in ron" o "heir 3ar"ner "o e'o/e @ea$ous5. 0o%en 3ro'e "o 1e "!i*e as $i/e$5 as %en "o in"en"iona$$5e$i*i" @ea$ous5 ro% "heir 3ar"ner. i'en "ha" %en?s @ea$ous5 is "he roo" *ause o %os"'io$en*e agains" !o%en, !h5 !ou$ a !o%an go ou" o her !a5 "o e$i1era"e$5 3ro'o/ean e%o"ion "ha" *ou$ un$eash a "orren" o a1use

A *$ue "o "his 3u$e *o%es ro% "he $a1 o regor5 0hi"e, !ho ien"iie "he*ir*u%s"an*es in !hi*h !o%en *ons*ious$5 e'o/e "heir 3ar"ner?s @ea$ous5. 0hi"e as/e%en an !o%en "o ini*a"e !ho !as %ore in'o$'e in "he re$a"ionshi3s"he%se$'es or"heir 3ar"ners. He oun "ha" !hereas J 3er*en" o "he !o%en !ho 'ie! "he%se$'es as%ore in'o$'e "han "heir 3ar"ner in"en"iona$$5 3ro'o/e @ea$ous5, on$5 9 3er*en" o "he!o%en !ho are eua$$5 or $ess in'o$'e resor" "o "his %oe o *o3ing. Dieren*es inin'o$'e%en", o *ourse, signa$ a ga3 in esira1i$i"5 "he %ore in'o$'e 3ar"ner isgenera$$5 $ess esira1$e, !hereas "he $ess in'o$'e 3ar"ner is genera$$5 %ore esira1$e.

During su1seuen" in"er'ie!s, !o%en a%i""e "ha" "he5 are %o"i'a"e "o e'o/e @ea$ous5in orer "o ins3ire grea"er *o%%i"%en" an 3ossessi'eness in "heir 3ar"ner, as !e$$ as "oin*rease 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ *$oseness. The5 a$so ins"iga"e @ea$ous5 "o "es" "he s"reng"h o "here$a"ionshi3, a "o3i* !e !i$$ e3$ore in "he ina$ *ha3"er. A$"hough %o"i'a"ions or



arousing @ea$ous5 are 'arie an *o%3$e, one un*"ion see%s *$earan a""e%3" "ore*"i5 "he i%1a$an*e in 3er*ei'e %a"e 'a$ue. B5 e$i*i"ing @ea$ous5, !o%en *on'e5 a'i"a$ %essage "o "heir 3ar"ners2 O"hers are in"eres"e in %e I?% high$5 esira1$e on?""a/e %e or gran"e.

Derogation of %om*etitors

I su33ressing one?s o!n @ea$ous5 an e'o/ing @ea$ous5 in 3ar"ners are "!o "a*"i*s or*o3ing !i"h 3ro1$e%s o re$a"i'e %a"e 'a$ue, a "hir *o3ing s"ra"eg5 in'o$'es eroga"iono *o%3e"i"ors. In one s"u5, s"uen"s !ho !ere *urren"$5 in'o$'e in serious ro%an"i*re$a"ionshi3s o a" $eas" "hree %on"hs? ura"ion !ere as/e "o ini*a"e "heir 3er*e3"ions o"heir 3ar"ner?s 3reeren*es in an iea$ %a"e. Then "he5 e'a$ua"e "heir o!n s"aningregaring ea*h o "hese "rai"s, ho! "he5 %easure u3 "o "heir 3ar"ner?s 3i*"ure o an iea$%a"e. The ua$i"ies in*$ue hones"5, so*ia1i$i"5, !ar%"h, sin*eri"5, goo $oo/s, !i", 3o3u$ari"5, re$ia1i$i"5, *har%, s3on"anei"5, "he righ" heigh", a*"i'i"5 $e'e$, in"e$$igen*e,e%o"iona$ e3ressi'eness, hu%or, an generosi"5.

A"er ra"ing "heir 3ar"ner?s 3reeren*es an "hen "heir o!n s"aning, 3ar"i*i3an"s rea "heo$$o!ing ins"ru*"ions2 A @ea$ous5 si"ua"ion usua$$5 in'o$'es "hree 3ersons2 5ourse$,5our 3ar"ner, an a "hir 3erson "o !ho% 5ou or 5our 3ar"ner is a""ra*"e. P$ease "r5 "ore%e%1er "he $as" ins"an*e in 5our 3resen" re$a"ionshi3 !hen 5ou e$" @ea$ous 1e*ause 5ou"hough" "ha" 5our 3ar"ner !as a""ra*"e "o ano"her 3erson i 5ou are *urren"$5 @ea$ous 1e*ause 5ou "hin/ 5our 3ar"ner is a""ra*"e "o ano"her 3erson, 5ou shou$ *hoose "hisins"an*e. P$ease ans!er "he o$$o!ing ues"ions a1ou" 5our 3er*e3"ion o "his o"her 3erson.

The 3ar"i*i3an"s "hen 3ro'ie 1a*/groun inor%a"ion on "heir ri'a$s an "he ri'a$?s

re$a"ionshi3 !i"h "heir 3ar"ner, an "hen ra"e "heir ri'a$s on "he +: a""ri1u"es. Gea$ous5"urne ou" "o 1e e"re%e$5 i%3or"an" in "he $i'es o %os" o "hese 3ar"i*i3an"s. A u$$ J= 3er*en" 1e$ie'e "ha" "heir 3ar"ner ha ha so%e /in o seua$ *on"a*" !i"h "heir ri'a$, ;J 3er*en" re3or"e "ha" "heir ri'a$ !as a" "he sa%e uni'ersi"5, an J= 3er*en" ha so%e /ino ire*" *on"a*" !i"h "heir ri'a$. So "he "hrea" o a 3ar"ner?s 3o"en"ia$ ee*"ion !as no" @us" h53o"he"i*a$ i" !as a rea$i"5, or a" $eas" a 3er*ei'e rea$i"5, or a %a@ori"5.

The %os" i%3or"an" ining !as "ha" 3eo3$e enigra"e "heir ri'a$s on 3re*ise$5 "hei%ensions "he5 1e$ie'e "ha" "heir 3ar"ner 'a$ue. I "heir 3ar"ner 3rie in"e$$igen*e in a 3o"en"ia$ 3ar"ner, "hen 3ar"i*i3an"s eroga"e "heir ri'a$s 15 e'a$ua"ing "he% as s"u3i. I"heir 3ar"ner 'a$ue hones"5, 3ar"i*i3an"s ra"e "heir ri'a$s as e*ei"u$. I "heir 3ar"ner

a33re*ia"e heigh", 3ar"i*i3an"s ra"e "heir ri'a$s as >i$$i3u"ian. 0ha"e'er ua$i"ies "heir 3ar"ner a%ire, 3ar"i*i3an"s oun ri'a$s !oeu$$5 $a*/ing in 3re*ise$5 "hose ua$i"ies.

The au"hor o "his s"u5 in"er3re"s "hese inings a**oring "o a s"anar "heor5 o se$8es"ee%2 3eo3$e?s se$8es"ee% is "hrea"ene !hen "heir 3ar"ners are a""ra*"e "o ri'a$s, anso enigra"ing "he ri'a$ is a %e"ho o res"oring ee$ings o se$8!or"h. This in"er3re"a"ionis enorse 15 "!o $eaing @ea$ous5 resear*hers, regor5 0hi"e an Pau$ Mu$$en2 Thegoa$ o eroga"ion o "he ri'a$ is "o reu*e "he . . . "hrea" "o se$8es"ee%.



The i%3or"an*e o "his *o3ing s"ra"eg5 has roo"s ee3 in hu%an his"or5, 3ro1a1$5"ra*ea1$e "o "he origin o $anguage i"se$. Bu" "he irs" *oiie 'ersion a33eare inE**$esias"i*us2 The 1$o! o "he !hi3 raises a !e$", 1u" "he 1$o! o "he "ongue *rushes 1ones. The 3s5*ho$ogis"s oron A$$3or" an >eo Pos"%an 3u" i" %ore 3re*ise$52Ru%or is se" in %o"ion an *on"inues "o "ra'e$ 15 i"s a33ea$ "o "he s"rong 3ersona$

in"eres"s o "he ini'iua$s in'o$'e in "he "rans%ission. Running o!n a ri'a$ oes%ore "han %a/e a 3erson ee$ goo i" ser'es a 'a$ua1$e 3ur3ose. Deroga"ion is anaa3"i'e s"ra"eg5 "ha" su**ees !hen i" ee*"i'e$5 e*reases a ri'a$?s %a"e 'a$ue. I"?s ane*e$$en" %e"ho or *o3ing !i"h an inie$i"5 "hrea", 3ro'ie i" su**ees in renering"he ri'a$ $ess esira1$e. >isa Deen, Da'i S*h%i"", an I "es"e "his iea "hrough aseries o s"uies o eroga"ion o *o%3e"i"ors. 0e irs" !an"e "o in ou" a$$ "he !a5s in!hi*h %en an !o%en gra33$e !i"h ri'a$s 15 a""e%3"ing "o a%age "heir so*ia$re3u"a"ion.

0e s"ar"e 15 as/ing %en an !o%en "o "e$$ us !ha" 'er1a$ 1ar1s "he5 ha'e use"he%se$'es, or hear o"hers use, "o rener "heir ri'a$s $ess esira1$e "o "heir ro%an"i*

3ar"ners. Peo3$e !ere $oua*ious on "he "o3i*, %en"ioning s$urs ranging ro% %en "e$$ing"heir 3ar"ners "ha" "he ri'a$ en@o5e using !o%en, "o !o%en "e$$ing "heir 3ar"ners "ha""he ri'a$ has a seua$$5 "rans%i""e isease. Fro% "hese no%ina"ions !e eri'e a $is" o:- "hings 3eo3$e *ou$ o "o rener "heir ri'a$s $ess esira1$e. #e", !e !an"e "ois*o'er !hi*h eroga"ion "a*"i*s %en an !o%en use an ho! ee*"i'e "he5 !ere$i/e$5 "o 1e. 0e oun re%ar/a1$e se ieren*es in ho! o"en ea*h "a*"i* !as use, 3re*ise$5 in $ine !i"h our "heor5. Men "ene "o enigra"e "heir ri'a$?s resour*es,ini*a"ing "ha" "heir ri'a$ $a*/e %one5, ro'e a run8o!n o$ *ar, !as 'ie!e as a $oser,an !as $i/e$5 "o o 3oor$5 3roessiona$$5. 0o%en, in *on"ras", "ene "o erie "heirri'a$?s 3h5si*a$ a33earan*e, %a/ing un o "he sie an sha3e o "he ri'a$?s 1o5, $aughinga" "he ri'a$?s hairs"5$e an *$o"hes, an 3oin"ing ou" 1$e%ishes an as5%%e"ries. The

"a*"i*s !ere a$so se8$in/e in "heir 3er*ei'e ee*"i'eness. I" 3ro'e "o 1e ar %oreee*"i'e or %en "han or !o%en "o eroga"e a ri'a$?s resour*e 3o"en"ia$, 3resen" oru"ure, !hereas !o%en a*hie'e grea"er su**ess 15 rii*u$ing a ri'a$?s a33earan*e.

These inings !ere is*on*er"ing or one 'er5 o1'ious reason2 %en *an *$ear$5 o1ser'ea !o%an?s 3h5si*a$ a33earan*e or "he%se$'es, so ho! *ou$ %ere !ors a$"er "hoseo1ser'a"ions 0ou$ a %an rea$$5 1e issuae i his ro%an"i* 3ar"ner e*$are "o hi%,You shou$n?" 1e a""ra*"e "o su3er%oe$ 6$auia S*hier . . . she?s rea$$5 a ogC0ou$n?" ire*" o1ser'a"ion gi'e $ie "o "hese 'er1a$ eor"s a" 3s5*ho$ogi*a$%ani3u$a"ion

Fur"her e3$ora"ion re'ea$e "ha" "hese 'er1a$ "a*"i*s *an !or/ in "!o !a5s. Firs", %a/ing 3u1$i* one?s is3araging o3inion o ano"her !o%an?s a33earan*e *an enhan*e i"see*"i'eness. The a*" "ha" o"hers in one?s so*ia$ !or$ 1e$ie'e a !o%an "o 1euna""ra*"i'e *an a%age a %an?s re3u"a"ion 15 asso*ia"ion. Sin*e %en?s so*ia$ s"a"us isae*"e 15 "he 3h5si*a$ a33earan*e o his 3ar"ner, %en are high$5 sensi"i'e "o ho! o"hers'ie! "heir 3ar"ner?s $oo/s.



Se*on, "his "a*"i* *an !or/ 15 s"eering a %an?s a""en"ion "o $a!s "ha" are no" o"her!iseire*"$5 o1ser'a1$e or %a5 no" ha'e 1een no"i*e. In one e3isoe, a rien re3or"ea""ening a 3ar"5 !i"h his gir$rien, 1u" ene u3 $ir"ing !i"h ano"her !o%an, !hi*h "hegir$rien o1ser'e. Dri'ing a!a5 ro% "he 3ar"5, "he gir$rien, in "he %os" *asua$ anohane %anner, ha33ene "o %en"ion "ha" "he o"her !o%an (her ri'a$ a" "he 3ar"5& ha

hea'5 "highs, 1u" sai no %ore. The ne" "i%e "he %an en*oun"ere "he o1@e*" o his$ir"a"ion, he oun hi%se$ s"aring a" her "highs, an *on*$ue "ha", inee, "he5 !ere a"a hea'5. 0ha" s"ar"e ou" unno"i*e 1e*a%e a%3$iie in his a""en"iona$ ie$. Hisgir$rien?s *o3ing s"ra"eg5 !or/e. Our a*"ua$ 3er*e3"ions o a 3erson?s 1eau"5 *an 1ein$uen*e in su1"$e !a5s 15 "he 'ie!s o o"hers.

The s"or5 "urns ou" "o 1e a goo ea$ %ore *o%3$i*a"e, o *ourse. Man5 eroga"ion"a*"i*s a""ain "heir ee*"i'eness 1e*ause "he5 are ii*u$" or "he "arge" "o 'eri5 ire*"$5,su*h as i%3ugning a ri'a$?s in"en"ions (he @us" !an"s "o ge" $ai& or i%3$5ing a seua$$5"rans%i""e isease (!ho rea$$5 !an"s "o 'eri5 "his ire*"$5&. S"i$$ o"hers *a3i"a$ie oninor%a"iona$ a%1igui"5, as in i%3$i*a"ions "ha" "he ri'a$ %igh" 1e 1iseua$. O"hers

e3$oi" "he a*" "ha" a 3erson?s u"ure is a$!a5s high$5 un*er"ain, an so i" is har or "he"arge" "o *he*/ ou" !he"her so%eone rea$$5 !i$$ o 3oor$5 3roessiona$$5 se'era$ 5earso!n "he roa. Deroga"ion "a*"i*s a$so "a/e a'an"age o "he a*" "ha" 3rior 1eha'ior iso"en ii*u$" "o su1s"an"ia"e (hin"ing "ha" one?s ri'a$ has ha %an5 3as" se 3ar"ners, orhas s$e3" !i"h "he en"ire oo"1a$$ "ea%, or ea%3$e&.

Man5 3u"8o!n "a*"i*s in'o$'e s!ee3ing ineren*es a1ou" 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*s.Deroga"ors e%3hasie "ha" "heir ri'a$s are !ea/, !i%35, *o!ar$5, an $a*/ing a%1i"ioninsensi"i'e, se$ish, un*aring, an in*onsiera"e *hea"ing, is$o5a$, e3$oi"a"i'e, $oose,an unis*i3$ine e%o"iona$$5 uns"a1$e, $igh"5, an 3rone "o *r5 easi$5 an u%1, 1oring, s"u3i, an i5. These "a*"i*s a*uire "heir ee*"i'eness ro% "he 3ersona$i"5

"rai"s "ha" 3eo3$e in *u$"ures aroun "he !or$ !an" in a ro%an"i* 3ar"nerso%eone !hois a*"i'e, 1o$, agreea1$e, e3ena1$e, e%o"iona$$5 s"a1$e, *rea"i'e, an in"e$$igen".

Deroga"ion "a*"i*s e3$oi" "he e'o$'e esires o 3ar"ners 3reis3ose "o see/ s3e*ii*ua$i"ies in a %a"e. A %an !ho "e$$s his 3ar"ner "ha" his ri'a$ $a*/s a%1i"ion !ou$ on$5 1e ee*"i'e i she !ere is3ose "o re@e*" s$a*/ers. Si%i$ar$5, a !o%an 3oin"ing ou" herri'a$?s una""ra*"i'e ua$i"ies !ou$ on$5 !or/ i a %an !ere is3ose "o re@e*" !o%en!i"h "hese ua$i"ies.

In our ini"ia$ s"u5, !e oun "ha", *on"rar5 "o our e3e*"a"ions, i" !as no" 3ar"i*u$ar$5ee*"i'e or !o%en "o eroga"e "heir ri'a$s 15 $a1e$ing "he% as 3ro%is*uous s$u"s. In ouro$$o!8u3 s"u5, !e igure ou" !h5. 0e e'a$ua"e "he ee*"i'eness o "his eroga"ion in 1o"h *asua$ an $ong8"er% %a"ing *on"e"s. On*e !e se3ara"e ou" "hese *ir*u%s"an*es,"he %5s"er5 e'a3ora"e2 I" 3ro'e high$5 ee*"i'e or !o%en "o eroga"e "heir ri'a$s 15i%3ugning "heir $oose seua$ *oes o *onu*"only i "he %an !as see/ing a $ong8"er%re$a"ionshi3, su*h as a !ie. For %en see/ing a "e%3orar5 se 3ar"ner, a !o%an?s *asua$seua$ a""i"ues i no" issuae "he% in "he s$igh"es".

Loyalty and the %onorde 5allay



0hen Hi$$ar5 6$in"on !as in"er'ie!e a1ou" a ru%or a1ou" her hus1an?s inie$i"5 !i"hennier F$o!ers, she e*$are "ha" she !as no Ta%%5 05ne""e, s"aning 15 her %anno %a""er !ha". Bu" !hen Presien" Bi$$ 6$in"on?s aair !i"h Moni*a >e!ins/5 1e*o%e 3u1$i* /no!$ege, Hi$$ar5 gaine near8uni'ersa$ res3e*" 15 oing 3re*ise$5 "ha". Thereare "!o re$a"e *o3ing s"ra"egies 1ehin $o5a$"5 o "his sor"2 ho! a !o%an *o3es !i"h a

hus1an?s inie$i"5 an ho! she !an"s "o 1e 3er*ei'e 15 o"hers as *o3ing.

Ho! o 3eo3$e rea$$5 ee$ a1ou" re%aining in a re$a"ionshi3 a"er an inie$i"5 sura*esGe Br5son o San Diego S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 as/e !o%en an %en "o i%agine ho! "he5!ou$ rea*" "o a 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5. One o Br5son?s e%a$e res3onen"s sai, I !ou$ee$ "ha" I ha in'es"e "oo %u*h o %5se$ in "his re$a"ionshi3 "o 1rea/ i" o, an !ou$ho3e "ha" he !ou$ *o%e 1a*/ "o %e. Ano"her !o%an "hough" "ha", I !ou$ $o'e %5 1o5rien enough "ha" I !ou$ "r5 "o o'er$oo/ !ha" he ha one. 0ha" !ou$ 1ei%3or"an" "o %e !ou$ 1e ho! I ee$, no" !ha" o"hers ee$ or sa5 a1ou" %5 1o5rien, so I!ou$ s"i*/ 15 hi%. I !ou$ "r5 "o ignore !ha" %5 1o5rien !as oing an ho3e "ha" he!ou$ see ho! oo$ish i" !as an *o%e 1a*/ "o %e.

One *o%%on rerain I?'e hear ro% !o%en !hose hus1ans ha'e s"ra5e is e*hoe in"he $o5a$"58*o3ing *$us"er2 I?'e a$rea5 3u" so %u*h in"o "his %arriage, I *an?" 1ai$ ou"no!. This sen"i%en" %a5 re$e*" a 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ g$i"*h /no!n 'arious$5 as "he6on*ore Fa$$a*5 or "he sun/ *os" a$$a*5. The "er%'oncorde (allacy origina"e!hen i" 1e*a%e *$ear "ha" 1ui$ing 6on*ore air3$anes !ou$ no" 1e 3roi"a1$e, an ara"iona$ e*ono%i* ana$5sis sugges"e a1anoning "he 3ro@e*". Bu" sin*e so %u*h %one5ha a$rea5 1een in'es"e in i"s e'e$o3%en", "he e*ision !as %ae "o 3ush "hrough "o*o%3$e"ion. The 3ro@e*" !as *on"inue a"er argu%en"s !ere a'an*e "ha" !e ha'ea$rea5 s3en" so %u*h on i" "ha" !e *anno" 1a*/ ou" no!. More a1s"ra*"$5, "he 6on*orea$$a*5 es*ri1es a e*ision "o *on"inue "o in'es" in a 3ro@e*" 1e*ause o "he resour*es 5ou

ha'e a$rea5 in'es"e in i", ra"her "han %a/ing "he e*ision a**oring "o i"s 5ie$ in "heu"ure. A**oring "o e*ono%is"s, !ha" shou$ ri'e "he e*ision is u"ure 5ie$, no" 3riorin'es"%en". Ye" 3s5*ho$ogis"s ha'e o*u%en"e "ha" hu%ans are high$5 sus*e3"i1$e "oo'er!eighing "heir 3re'ious in'es"%en"s !hen %a/ing *ri"i*a$ e*isions. I" "urns ou" "ha"e'en igger !as3s *o%%i" "his a$$a*5, or "he5 igh" or 1urro!s !i"h o"her !as3s no" in 3ro3or"ion "o "he "rue 'a$ue o "he 1urro!, 1u" ra"her in 3ro3or"ion "o "he a%oun" o "i%e"he5 ha'e a$rea5 in'es"e in "he 1urro!.

A$"hough "e*hni*a$$5 *orre*", "he e*ono%is"s o"en o'er$oo/ one i%3or"an" a*" a1ou" "hissu33ose a$$a*5 !hen a33$ie "o hu%an re$a"ionshi3s. The a%oun" o 3rior in'es"%en" iso"en "he sing$e 1es" guie "o ho! %u*h u"ure in'es"%en" !i$$ 1e neee "o a1anon "he*urren" 3ro@e*" an a*uire ano"her re$a"ionshi3 !i"h sui*ien" e3"h an e%o"iona$*o%%i"%en". S"ar"ing ro% s*ra"*h *an 1e an enor%ous$5 *os"$5 enea'orin "he sear*hor a ne! %a"e, a""ra*"ing an *our"ing "ha" ne! %a"e, an e'e$o3ing "he re$a"ionshi3 "o"he 3oin" !here "he *ou3$e 1e*o%es an in"i%a"e union.

The ee*"i'eness o s"i*/ing i" ou" as a s"ra"eg5 "o *o3e !i"h a 3ar"ner?s inie$i"5, o*ourse, hinges on a 'arie"5 o a*"ors. Ho! goo is "he *urren" re$a"ionshi3 a3ar" ro% "heinie$i"5 0i$$ "he inie$i"5 es"ro5 "rus" 3er%anen"$5, or *an "rus" 1e regaine 0ha"







The resu$" !as ra%a"i*. The !ie, no! ee$ing $a""ere 15 her hus1an?s a""en"i'enessan ne!oun in"eres", s"o33e her @ea$ous 1eha'ior *o%3$e"e$5. She 1e*a%e 3$easan"an $o'ing "o!ar her hus1an an e3resse re%orse o'er her ear$ier 1eha'ior. A" aneigh"8%on"h o$$o!8u3, "he hus1an re3or"e "ha" his !ie *on"inue "o 1eha'e %ore$o'ing$5 "o!ar hi%, 1u" as a 3re*au"ion he s"i$$ 3$a5e "he ro$e o "he @ea$ous hus1an

ro% "i%e "o "i%e.

The hus1an in "his e3isoe eer*ise e%o"iona$ !iso%, i%3$e%en"ing his /no!$egeo "he angerous 3assion "o sa'e his %arriage. Pro3er$5 use, @ea$ous5 *an enri*hre$a"ionshi3s, s3ar/ 3assion, an a%3$i5 *o%%i"%en". I" is an aa3"i'e e%o"ion, orgeo'er %i$$ions o 5ears, $in/e ineora1$5 !i"h $ong8"er% $o'e. The "o"a$ a1sen*e o @ea$ous5, ra"her "han i"s 3resen*e, is a %ore o%inous sign or ro%an"i* 3ar"ners. I" 3or"ens e%o"iona$ 1an/ru3"*5.

This 1oo/ has e3$ore "he es"ru*"ion @ea$ous5 *an *rea"e2 "he se'ering o so*ia$ "ies "ha"%a/e $ie %eaningu$ "he 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ "or"ure "ha" "or3eoes se$8es"ee% un!an"es"a$/ing "he 1a""ering "ha" "errories a 3ar"ner an "he 3araoi*a$ /i$$ing o a $o'e one.0e ha'e ien"iie %an5 o "he /e5 "riggers o @ea$ous5, signa$s "ha" *urren"$5 are, anhis"ori*a$$5 ha'e 1een, asso*ia"e !i"h a 3ar"ner?s seua$ inie$i"5 or ou"righ" ee*"ion.0e ha'e e3$ore "he hien 3assions "ha" i%3e$ 3eo3$e "o 1e"ra5 "heir 3ar"ners an "hes"ra"egies "ha" %en an !o%en e3$o5 "o *o3e !i"h "he "or%en"s o @ea$ous5 aninie$i"5.

This ina$ *ha3"er "urns "o a 1righ"er sie"he 3osi"i'e uses o @ea$ous5, "he *o8e'o$u"iono seua$ har%on5, an "he *u$"i'a"ion o e%o"iona$ !iso%.

The Testing of a &ond

0h5 o *hi$ren hang on "heir 3aren"s "o "he 3oin" o anno5an*e 0h5 o $o'ersin"en"iona$$5 s"ar" igh"s !i"h "heir 3ar"ners 0h5 oes a gir$rien $ean u3 agains" her 1o5rien @us" as he 1egins "a$/ing "o ano"her !o%an 0h5 o *ou3$es ear$5 in "heirre$a"ionshi3 ho$ hans or hours an 3u" "heir ar%s aroun ea*h o"her un"i$ "heir $i%1sgro! nu%1 An !h5 o $o'ers /iss, 3$a*ing "heir "ongues in ea*h o"her?s %ou"hs,"here15 3u""ing ea*h o"her a" ris/ o "ranserring iseases

A$$ "hese 3u$ing 3heno%ena %a5 ha'e a *o%%on un*"ion"he "es"ing o "he 1on.

Hu%ans (an o"her ani%a$s& !ho or% re$a"ionshi3s *onron" a 3rooun 3ro1$e%2/no!ing @us" ho! *o%%i""e "he o"her is "o "he re$a"ionshi3. Mis"a/es in$i*" %iser5. A!o%an !ho o'eres"i%a"es her $o'er?s *o%%i"%en" ris/s a1anon%en", a%age "o herre3u"a"ion, an "he har !or/ o raising a *hi$ a$one. O'eres"i%a"ing *o%%i"%en" a$so$eas "o o33or"uni"5 *os"s "he "i%e s3en" !i"h an uner*o%%i""e 3ar"ner reu*es "he*han*e "o a""ra*" a 1e""er8%a"*he %a"e.



Uneres"i%a"ing "he "rue $e'e$ o a 3ar"ner?s *o%%i"%en" *an a$so 1e *os"$5, $eaing "o ase$8u$i$$ing 3ro3he*5. Mis*a$*u$a"ing, or ea%3$e, *ou$ *ause 5ou "o reu*e 5our o!n*o%%i"%en", i%3e$$ing 5our 3ar"ner "o o "he sa%e, "here15 3rou*ing a o!n!ars3ira$ o %u"ua$ re"rea" an resen"%en". The 1i""er resu$" *ou$ isso$'e "he re$a"ionshi3 as 1o"h 3ar"ners sear*h "heir so*ia$ !or$ or ee3er, %ore %eaningu$ engage%en".

A**ura"e e'a$ua"ion o a 3ar"ner?s 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ in'o$'e%en" is a$so *ri"i*a$, 1e*ause*o%%i"%en"s *an *hange ro% %on"h "o %on"h, a5 "o a5, an e'en %o%en" "o%o%en". Man5 or*es %ou$a"e *o%%i"%en". A 3ar"ner?s re3u"a"ion *an rise or a$$.Ph5si*a$ a33earan*e *an *hange o'er "i%e as a un*"ion o age, hea$"h, s"ress, an s"a"us.E'en "e%3orar5 a1sen*es, so%e"hing a$$ re$a"ionshi3s enure, *an $ea a 3ar"ner "o a $os"!ee/en or "he $ure o a ne! $o'e. For a$$ "hese reasons, "es"ing "he s"reng"h o a 1on isno" %ere$5 a useu$ "oo$ !hen or%ing a ne! re$a"ionshi3, i"?s an aa3"i'e ne*essi"5 o'era $ie s3an. As "he e"e*"i'e in "he 6oen 1ro"hers? i$% +lood Si#ple no"es2 I on?" *are i5ou?re "he 3resien" o "he Uni"e S"a"es, "he Po3e o Ro%e, or Man o "he Yearso%e"hing *an a$!a5s go !rong.

I"?s ii*u$" "o "es" "he s"reng"h o "he 1on 1e*ause *o%%i"%en" is a s"a"e o %in an"hereore *anno" 1e o1ser'e ire*"$5. I" %us" 1e inerre in "he a*e o a%1iguous anun*er"ain signs. A%o" Laha'i, a 1io$ogis" a" Te$ A'i' Uni'ersi"5, oers a sur3rising an 3araoi*a$ ans!er "o "he ues"ion o ho! 1es" "o gauge *o%%i"%en"2 in$i*" 3ainin"en"iona$$5. The on$5 !a5 "o o1"ain re$ia1$e inor%a"ion a1ou" ano"her?s *o%%i"%en",he argues, is "o i%3ose a *os" on "ha" o"her"o 1eha'e in !a5s "ha" are e"ri%en"a$ "ohi% or her. 0e are a$$ !i$$ing "o a**e3" ano"her?s 1eha'ior i !e 1enei" ro% i", 1u" on$5one "ru$5 in"eres"e in "he 3ar"nershi3 is !i$$ing "o a**e3" an i%3osi"ion . . . a$$%e*hanis%s use "o "es" "he so*ia$ 1on in'o$'e i%3osing on 3ar"ners. 0e hur" "he ones!e $o'e, Laha'i 3ro3oses, "o "es" "he s"reng"h o "he 1on.

Laha'i %a5 1e gui$"5 o eaggera"ion !hen he sa5s "ha" "he on$5 !a5 "o o1"ain a**ura"einor%a"ion is "o in$i*" 3ain. O1ser'ing ho! a 3ar"ner "rea"s 5ou o'er "i%e sure$5 3ro'ies 'a$ua1$e inor%a"ion a1ou" *o%%i"%en"!hen a 3ar"ner sur3rises 5ou !i"h$o!ers, or ea%3$e, or *arries 5ou o or a ro%an"i* !ee/en a" "he shore. The s%o/esigna$s o 1e"ra5a$ *an a$so 1e rea !i"hou" *rea"ing in"en"iona$ "es"s. A 3ar"ner !hoorge"s 5our 1ir"ha5 or a**ien"a$$5 *a$$s ou" so%eone e$se?s na%e in "he hea" o sesure$5 re'ea$s so%e"hing a1ou" *o%%i"%en" !i"hou" 5ou ha'ing "o in$i*" an5"hing a" a$$.

Peo3$e a$so gain /no!$ege a1ou" *o%%i"%en" !hen "he5 1es"o! 1enei"s an "hen no"eho! "heir 3ar"ner rea*"s. 0hen a !o%an reuses "o a**e3" a 3ie*e o @e!e$r5 ro% a %anshe?s 1een seeing, or ea%3$e, i" %a5 re'ea$ so%e"hing a1ou" her a1sen*e o ee3 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ engage%en". Bu" Laha'i is *orre*" "ha" *o%%i"%en" is %ore ii*u$" "ois*ern !hen "he !a"ers are *a$% an "he re$a"ionshi3 sai$ing is s%oo"h. B5 in$i*"ing aharshi3 on 5our 3ar"ner an "hen gauging "he rea*"ion, 5ou *an gain %ore re'ea$inginor%a"ion.

Ear$5 *our"shi3, 3rior "o hea'5 in'es"%en", *a$$s or s3e*ia$ /ins o "es"s. In so%es3e*ies o 1irs, %a$es irs" es"a1$ish "erri"ories "ha" are high$5 a""ra*"i'e "o e%a$es.



0hen e%a$es en"er a %a$e?s "erri"or5, ho!e'er, "he %a$e "53i*a$$5 a""a*/s her. In a*", hea""a*/s e'er5 e%a$e !ho *o%es aroun, !hi*h 3ro%3"s %os" o "he% "o $5 a!a5. A e!e%a$es, ho!e'er, 3ersis", an reen"er his "erri"or5 again an again. O'er "i%e, "he %a$e?sa""a*/s on "he %os" 3ersis"en" e%a$e $essen an e'en"ua$$5 isa33ear a$"oge"her. The 3air"hen 3ro*ees "o %a"e or "he res" o "heir $i'es. Aggression is "he %os" re$ia1$e %eans "his

%a$e 1ir has or e'a$ua"ing a e%a$e?s *o%%i"%en" "o "heir u"ure "oge"her. Fe%a$es "ha"regar "he %a$e as a "e%3orar5 *on'enien*e reuse "o 3u" u3 !i"h "he a""a*/s, an ui*/$5e3ar". Those "ha" in"en "o *o%%i" "o hi% as a $ie$ong %a"e enure "he ons$augh" ear$5in "he *our"shi3.

The "heor5 o 1on "es"ing *an e3$ain %an5 o"her!ise 3u$ing as3e*"s o re$a"ionshi3s.I" e3$ains !h5 5oung *hi$ren so%e"i%es hang on"o "heir 3aren"s "o "he 3oin" oanno5an*e. I" e3$ains !h5 goo riens !ho ha'e no" seen ea*h o"her or a $ong "i%es$a3 ea*h o"her on "he 1a*/ an insu$", "ease, an "aun" ea*h o"her (on$5 a *$ose rien!ou$ "o$era"e su*h o"her!ise oensi'e 1eha'ior&. An i" e3$ains !h5, a"er asu1s"an"ia$ a1sen*e, $o'ers rush in"o ea*h o"her?s ar%s, e%1ra*e, an /iss 3assiona"e$5.

0he"her a 1on is reso$u"e an resis"an" "o ou"sie hos"i$e or*es, or ragi$e an'u$nera1$e "o ru3"ure, reuires "es"s o e'a$ua"ion an a33raisa$. Ho! o !e go a1ou" "hise$i*a"e "as/

&enefits of Evo1ing #ealousy

Ha'e 5ou e'er in"en"iona$$5 1rough" u3 an o$ $o'er?s na%e @us" "o see ho! 5our 3ar"ner!ou$ rea*" Ha'e 5ou e'er in"en"iona$$5 ignore 5our 3ar"ner a" a 3ar"5 Ha'e 5ou e'er 1een unusua$$5 rien$5 "o so%eone e$se !hen 5our 3ar"ner !as 3resen" Ha'e 5ou e'er"o$ 5our 3ar"ner "ha" so%eone ha hi" on 5ou or as/e 5ou ou" or a a"e I 5ou ha'eone an5 o "hese "hings, "he *han*es are "ha" 5ou?'e engage in "he s"ra"eg5 o

in"en"iona$$5 e'o/ing "he @ea$ous5 o 5our 3ar"ner.

On*e @ea$ous5 e'o$'e in "he hu%an re3er"oire, i" 1e*a%e air ga%e or 3ar"ners "oe3$oi" or "heir o!n 3ur3oses. E$i*i"ing @ea$ous5 in"en"iona$$5 e%erge as an assess%en"e'i*e "o gauge "he s"reng"h o a %a"e?s *o%%i"%en". Bo"h sees o i", 1u" no" eua$$5.

In one s"u5, -+ 3er*en" o !o%en, 1u" on$5 +< 3er*en" o %en re3or"e "ha" "he5 hain"en"iona$$5 e$i*i"e @ea$ous5 in "heir *urren" ro%an"i* 3ar"ner. 0o%en re3or"e usingse'era$ /e5 "a*"i*s or inu*ing @ea$ous5. B5 ar "he %os" *o%%on !as is*ussing "heira""ra*"ion "o o"her %en, !i"h J+ 3er*en" o !o%en re3or"ing "his "a*"i* a*"ua$$5 a"ingo"hers *a%e in se*on a" ; 3er*en" $5ing a1ou" 1eing a""ra*"e "o so%eone e$se !as "he

"hir a'ore "e*hniue a" +; 3er*en" an "a$/ing a1ou" or%er 3ar"ners !as re3or"e 15++ 3er*en".

In our s"u5 o ne!$5!es, !e oun si%i$ar se ieren*es. 0o%en %ore "han %enre3or" $ir"ing !i"h o"hers in ron" o "he 3ar"ner, sho!ing in"eres" in o"hers, going ou"!i"h o"hers, an "a$/ing "o ano"her %an a" a 3ar"5, a$$ "o %a/e "heir 3ar"ner @ea$ous orangr5.



0i$$ia% Too/e an his *o$$eagues a" "he S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 o #e! Yor/ a" P$a""s1urgh ha'e*onu*"e "he %os" "horough in'es"iga"ion o "he s"ra"egi* inu*"ion o @ea$ous5. The5oun s"rong se ieren*es in se'era$ *$us"ers o a*"s esigne "o inu*e @ea$ous5. Firs",!o%en in"en"iona$$5 so*ia$ie !i"h o"her 3eo3$e. One !o%an sai "ha" she 3ur3oseu$$5neg$e*"e "o in'i"e her 3ar"ner a$ong !hen she !en" ou" !i"h her riens. Ano"her sai

"ha" she %ae a 3oin" o "a$/ing !i"h %e%1ers o "he o33osi"e se !hen she an her 1o5rien !en" ou" "o a 1ar. A "hir ini*a"e "ha" she %ae sure "o *asua$$5 %en"ion "oher 1o5rien ho! %u*h un she ha !hen she !as ou" 3ar"5ing !i"hou" hi%.

The se*on @ea$ous58inu*ing s"ra"eg5 *en"ere on in"en"iona$$5 ignoring a 3ar"ner. One!o%an re3or"e a*"ing is"an" an unin"eres"e in her 3ar"ner "o %a/e hi% "hin/ "ha" shein?" rea$$5 *are a1ou" hi% "ha" %u*h. Ano"her !o%an sai she e$i1era"e$5 ai$e "oans!er her 3hone !hen she /ne! her 1o5rien !as *a$$ing so "ha" he !ou$ "hin/ she!as ou" !i"h so%eone e$se. Ye" ano"her "o$ her 1o5rien "ha" she i no" ha'e "i%e "osee hi%, e'en "hough i" !as "he !ee/en.

The "hir %oe o s"ra"egi* @ea$ous5 inu*"ion !as es3e*ia$$5 ee*i'e a" 3ushing %en?s @ea$ous5 1u""onsire*" $ir"a"ion !i"h o"her %en. One !o%an re3or"e an*ing *$ose$5an seu*"i'e$5 !i"h so%eone !ho% her 3ar"ner in?" $i/e !hi$e he s"oo on "hesie$ines. Ano"her !o%an 1ough" a s%a$$ gi" or ano"her %an !hi$e ou" sho33ing !i"hher 3ar"ner. Se'era$ re3or"e going ou" "o 1ars !i"h %e%1ers o "he o33osi"e se an*o%ing 1a*/ "o "he 1o5rien a 1i" in"oi*a"e. An o"hers re3or"e "ha" "he5 resse ines3e*ia$$5 se5 ou"i"s !hi$e going ou" !i"hou" "heir 1o5riens, a sure %e"ho o anninga %an?s @ea$ous $a%es.

A %ore su1"$e an ingenious "a*"i* or e'o/ing @ea$ous5 in'o$'es %ere$5 s%i$ing a" o"her%en !hi$e ou" !i"h a 3ar"ner. An"onia A11e5 o 0a5ne S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 is*o'ere a

as*ina"ing ieren*e in ho! %en an !o%en in"er3re" a !o%an?s s%i$es. 0hen !o%ens%i$e, %en o"en erroneous$5 rea in"o i" seua$ in"eres", %is"a/ing rien$iness orro%an"i* in"en". 0o%en sa5 "he5 are @us" 1eing rien$5, no" sening seua$ signa$s.Mar"ie Hase$"on an I ha'e $a1e$e %en?s seua$ ineren*e an aa3"i'e 1ias in%inreaing 1e*ause i"?s 3ar" o %en?s un*ons*ious s"ra"eg5 o *asua$ se. B5 inerringseua$ in"eres" !hen a !o%an %ere$5 s%i$es, %en are %ore $i/e$5 "o ini"ia"e seua$o'er"ures in "heir 3ursui" o a shor"8"er% %a"ing s"ra"eg5.

So !hen a !o%an s%i$es a" ano"her %an !hi$e a" a 3ar"5 !i"h her 3ar"ner, she e"$5e3$oi"s "he e'o$'e 3s5*ho$og5 o "!o ieren" %en. I" *auses "he "arge" o "he s%i$e "o"hin/ she?s seua$$5 in"eres"e in hi%, so he %a/es a'an*es. Si%u$"aneous$5, i" e'o/esher 3ar"ner?s @ea$ous5, so he ge"s angr5 1o"h a1ou" "he ri'a$ an a1ou" his 3er*e3"ion "ha"she?s en*ouraging "he o"her %an. The u3sho" %igh" 1e a *onron"a"ion 1e"!een "he "!ori'a$s or a $o'er?s uarre$. Bu" !ho *an rea$$5 1$a%e a !o%an @us" or 1eing rien$5 #oo"her %e"ho or s"ra"egi*a$$5 inu*ing @ea$ous5 is as ee*"i'e, or i" %a/es "!o %enan*e "o a !o%an?s "une !i"h %ere$5 a !e$$8"i%e g$an*e.

0h5 o !o%en !a$/ su*h a angerous "igh"ro3e, "ri$ing !i"h a %a$e %e*hanis% /no!n"o un$eash 'io$en*e 0o%en re3or" a 'arie"5 o %o"i'es or in"en"iona$$5 e'o/ing



@ea$ous5. regor5 0hi"e *onu*"e an in8e3"h s"u5 o +J he"eroseua$ *ou3$es in6a$iornia "o in ou". He irs" as/e ea*h o "he - 3ar"i*i3an"s !he"her "he5 ha e'erin"en"iona$$5 "rie "o %a/e "heir 3ar"ner @ea$ous. Then he as/e "he 3ar"i*i3an"s !h5 "he5i i". On$5 a e! !o%en re3or"e "ha" "he5 inu*e @ea$ous5 "o 3unish "heir 3ar"ner.Eigh" 3er*en" re3or"e oing i" "o 1o$s"er "heir se$8es"ee%. Ten 3er*en" a%i""e oing i"

"o a*" ou" ee$ings o re'enge on a 3ar"ner or a 3re'ious !rong. In*reasing a 3ar"ner?s*o%%i"%en", ho!e'er, e*eee a$$ "hese reasons, 1eing *i"e 15 -: 3er*en" o "he!o%en.

B5 e'o/ing @ea$ous5, a !o%an *auses her 3ar"ner "o 1e$ie'e "ha" she has a""ra*"i'ea$"erna"i'es a'ai$a1$e, an "ha" i he oes no" is3$a5 grea"er *o%%i"%en" she %igh" /isshi% goo815e an e3ar" or greener %a"ing 3as"ures. 0o%en !ho su**essu$$5 use "his"a*"i* are %ore $i/e$5 "o /ee3 "he *o%%i"%en" o "heir %a"es.

For"5 3er*en" o "he !o%en a$so re3or"e "ha" "he5 e'o/e @ea$ous5 "o "es" "he s"reng"h o"he 1on. B5 e'o/ing @ea$ous5, a !o%an gains 'a$ua1$e inor%a"ion a1ou" "he e3"h an

*onsis"en*5 o her 3ar"ner?s *o%%i"%en". 0o%en rea3 "his 1enei" %os" a" a "i%e in "here$a"ionshi3 !hen "he nee "o "es" "he s"reng"h o "he 1on is es3e*ia$$5 s"rong. 0o%en!hose 3ar"ners ha'e 1een a!a5 or a !hi$e, !o%en !hose 3ar"ners e3erien*e a suensurge in s"a"us, an !o%en !ho ee$ "he5 %igh" 1e 3er*ei'e as 1eing $ess esira1$e "han"heir 3ar"ner a$$ nee "hese 'i"a$ a33raisa$s o a %an?s *o%%i"%en".

regor5 0hi"e *onir%e "his *on*$usion 15 as/ing a$$ "he 3ar"ners in "he s"u5 o +J*ou3$es "o ra"e "he%se$'es on !he"her "he5 !ere %ore in'o$'e, eua$$5 in'o$'e, or $essin'o$'e in "he re$a"ionshi3 "han "heir 3ar"ner. Re$a"i'e in'o$'e%en", o *ourse, is a 3o!eru$ *$ue "o !hi*h 3ar"ner is %ore esira1$e on "he %a"ing %ar/e", a**oring "o "he 3rin*i3$e o $eas" in"eres""he $ess in"eres"e 3ar"ner has "he u33er han on "he s*a$e o

esira1i$i"5. A$"hough 9+ 3er*en" o "he *ou3$es !ere !e$$ %a"*he in "heir $e'e$ oin'o$'e%en", -= 3er*en" sho!e a %is%a"*h. Does "his ine o re$a"i'e in'o$'e%en" 3rei*" !ho !i$$ e3$o5 "he @ea$ous58inu*"ion s"ra"eg5 The ee*" or %en !as %oes"2+J 3er*en" o "hose !ho !ere $ess in'o$'e in"en"iona$$5 inu*e @ea$ous5 +< 3er*en" o"hose eua$$5 in'o$'e in"en"iona$$5 inu*e @ea$ous5 an 3er*en" o "he %en %orein'o$'e in"en"iona$$5 inu*e @ea$ous5. So "here is a s$igh" "enen*5 or "he $ess esira1$e%en "o a""e%3" "o e'o/e %ore @ea$ous5.

The resu$"s or !o%en !ere %ore ra%a"i*. 0hereas on$5 : 3er*en" o "he !o%en !ho!ere $ess in'o$'e re3or"e in"en"iona$$5 ins3iring @ea$ous5 in "heir 3ar"ners, J 3er*en"o "he !o%en !ho !ere %ore in'o$'e "han "heir 3ar"ner re3or"e in"en"iona$$5 3ro'o/ing @ea$ous5. The %ore in'o$'e !o%en are "hus near$5 "!i*e as $i/e$5 as $essin'o$'e !o%en "o re3or" inu*ing @ea$ous5. Sin*e !o%en !ho a$$ 1e$o! "heir 3ar"nersin o'era$$ esira1i$i"5 *onron" *o%%i"%en" 3ro1$e%s %ore 3oignan"$5 "han o"her!o%en, "he5 inu*e @ea$ous5 in an a""e%3" "o *orre*" "he i%1a$an*e.

S"ra"egi*a$$5 inu*ing @ea$ous5, in shor", ser'es se'era$ /e5 un*"ions or !o%en. I" *an 1o$s"er se$8es"ee% or so%e !o%en 1e*ause o "he a""en"ion i" a""ra*"s ro% o"her %en. I"*an in*rease "he *o%%i"%en" o a 3ar"ner 15 %a/ing hi% rea$ie ho! esira1$e she rea$$5



is an "ha" she !ou$ ha'e $i""$e ii*u$"5 re3$a*ing hi%. An i" *an "es" "he s"reng"h o"he 1on 1e*ause she *an use a %an?s @ea$ous5 as a 1aro%e"er o "he e3"h o his $o'e. Ihe rea*"s "o her $ir"a"ions !i"h e%o"iona$ inieren*e, she /no!s he $a*/s *o%%i"%en"i he ge"s @ea$ous, she /no!s he?s in $o'e. E'o/ing @ea$ous5, a$"hough i" in$i*"s a *os" on"he 3ar"ner, 3ro'ies 'a$ua1$e inor%a"ion "ha"?s ii*u$" "o se*ure "hrough an5 o"her

%eansan i" o"en !or/s.

Virgi$ Shee"s an his *o$$eagues a" Iniana S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 is*o'ere "ha" one o "he%os" *o%%on rea*"ions in %en !hose @ea$ous5 is arouse is "o in*rease "he a""en"ion "he5 3a5 "o "heir 3ar"ners. A"er 1e*o%ing @ea$ous, %en re3or" "ha" "he5 !ou$ 1e %ore $i/e$5"o "r5 "o /ee3 "ra*/ o !ha" %5 3ar"ner is oing, o so%e"hing s3e*ia$ or %5 3ar"ner,an "r5 "o sho! %5 3ar"ner %ore a""en"ion.

Ta%3ering !i"h "he angerous 3assion reuires e%o"iona$ !iso% so "ha" i" oesn?" 1a*/ire. Ins3iring e*essi'e @ea$ous5, or ea%3$e, *an resu$" in 'io$en*e or isso$u"iono "he re$a"ionshi3. 6onsier one %an?s re3or"2 I ha an o$ gir$rien !ho $i/e "o ress

3ro'o*a"i'e$5. u5sno, %a/e "ha"0ig gu5s!ou$ hi" on her *ons"an"$5. A" irs", Ioun "his a rea$ ego 1oos"a" "he en o "he e'ening, e'er5 gu5 sa! her $ea'e !i"h %e.Bu" a"er a !hi$e, I gre! !ear5 o e'en going ou". She !as "r5ing "o 3ro'e "ha" she !asso ho", I? 1e oo$ish "o $ea'e her 1ehin, 1u" in "he en i" 1a*/ire. She 3u" %e in "oo%an5 unne*essar5 an 3o"en"ia$$5 'io$en" si"ua"ions (shoo"ing 3oo$ in a rea$$5 shor" s/ir",or ea%3$e& an I $e" her go. >e" so%e o"her oo$ 1e her guarian.

So a$"hough e'o/ing @ea$ous5 *an ser'e a useu$ un*"ion, i" %us" 1e use !i"h s/i$$ anin"e$$igen*e "o a'oi un$eashing unin"ene *onseuen*es.

(gniting Se$ual !assion

Gea$ous5 *an a$so s3ar/ or re/in$e seua$ 3assion in a re$a"ionshi3, as "he o$$o!ingi$$us"ra"es.

>e"?s *a$$ hi% oa"ee Bo5. He ha a$$ "he $a"e ?=s o3"ions2 "he goa"ee, an earring,"a""oos, 1agg5 *ors, an Kes. There on "ha" s%a$$ soa, he !as hi3, *oo$ . . . an hi""ingon %5 gir$rien. An she !as 3$a5ing a$ong.

I !a"*he ro% "he 1ar, si33ing so%e"hing s"rong an ee$ing so%e"hing s"ronger. I"!asn?" "he 1ooe. I" !as so%e"hing e$e*"ri*, a surge "hrough %5 1ones, "enons, an $esh"ha" *ou$ ha'e 1$o!n uses a" a 3o!er 3$an". >ong s"or5 shor"2 I !a$/e o'er "o %5

gir$rien. In a sha/5 1u" e"er%ine 'oi*e, I sai, >e"?s go.? She $oo/e a" %e, $oo/e a"oa"ee Bo5. Then she go" u3 an !e $e". Tha" nigh", !e $e! "hrough %ore seua$ 3osi"ions "han 5ou? in in a Ka%a Su"ra 3a3er1a*/. An I ha no iea I? 1een ha.

Or *onsier "he *ase o Ben an S"a*5, a *ou3$e a""ening an in"ensi'e i'e8a5 @ea$ous5!or/sho3 *onu*"e 15 "he Israe$i 3s5*ho$ogis" A5a$a Pines. Ben, +J 5ears o$er "hanS"a*5, ha 1een %arrie 1eore, 1u" ha 1een i'or*e or i'e 5ears !hen he irs" go"in'o$'e !i"h S"a*5. A$"hough S"a*5 ha ha a e! ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s, she !as s"i$$ a



'irgin !hen "he5 %e". Ben !as $a""ere a" "he a""en"ions o a !o%an as 5oung ana""ra*"i'e as S"a*5, 1u" he soon 1e*a%e 1ore !i"h "heir se $ie, an 5earne or se !i"ho"her !o%en. This un$eashe in"ense @ea$ous5 in S"a*5, !hi*h 1rough" "he% "o "he!or/sho3 "o so$'e !ha" Ben es*ri1e as her 3ro1$e%. He sa! no ra"iona$ reason !h5he shou$ no" s$ee3 !i"h o"her !o%en.

During "he ear$5 a5s o "he !or/sho3, Ben 1rough" u3 S"a*5?s inse*uri"5 an @ea$ous5,ini*a"e his isa33ro'a$ o her 3ro1$e%, an 3ro*eee "o $ir" !i"h "he o"her !o%en in"he grou3. During one o "hese sessions, S"a*5 !as 1eing 1era"e 15 "he grou3 or 1eingso @ea$ous. Tears s"rea%e o!n her *hee/s an "he o"hers in "he grou3 res3one !i"hhugs an ae*"ion. The %os" a""ra*"i'e %an in "he grou3 !as es3e*ia$$5 su33or"i'e. He*on"inue "o *o%or" her, e'en a"er "he session ene an Ben an "he o"hers $e" "heroo%. Hugging "urne "o /issing, an e'en"ua$$5 "he5 ha 3assiona"e se righ" on "he$oor. The5 i no" use *on"ra*e3"i'es.

0hen Ben is*o'ere "he inie$i"5, he 1e*a%e urious, sa5ing, You hur" %e %ore "han

an5 o"her !o%an has one, an I "rus"e 5ou "o 3ro"e*" %5 ee$ings. O'er "he ne" "!oa5s, "he "hera35 grou3 o*use no! on Ben?s @ea$ous5. Bu" !hen as/e 15 "he "hera3is"!he"her an5 goo ha *o%e o "he e'en", he re3$ie2 0hen !e %ae $o'e a"er!ar, i"!as "he %os" 3assiona"e se !e ha e'er ha. I" !as un1e$ie'a1$5 in"ense an e*i"ing. I*an?" igure ou" !h5. S"a*5 agree. Ben?s @ea$ous5 re'i'e "he seua$ 3assion in "heirre$a"ionshi3. 0h5

As"u"e reaers a$rea5 ha'e *$ues "o "he %os" 3ro1a1$e e3$ana"ions. A %an !hose 3ar"ner has @us" 1een inse%ina"e 15 ano"her %an is %os" a" ris/ or gene"i* *u*/o$r5.B5 ha'ing se !i"h S"a*5 i%%eia"e$5 o$$o!ing her inie$i"5, he reu*e "he os "ha"she !ou$ 1e*o%e 3regnan" !i"h ano"her %an?s *hi$, a$"hough he o1'ious$5 i no"

"hin/ a1ou" i" in "hose "er%s. The 3assiona"e na"ure o "he se i%3$ies "ha" she ha anorgas%, !hi*h *auses "he !o%an "o re"ain %ore s3er% an re$ease $ess $o!1a*/.In*rease s3er% re"en"ion, in an*es"ra$ "i%es, !ou$ ha'e %ean" an in*rease $i/e$ihooo *on*e3"ion. Ben !as %ere$5 a %oern 3$a5er in an an*ien" ri"ua$ !here %en *o%3e"e!i"h ea*h o"her in "he 1a""$e or su**essu$ er"i$ia"ion.

There is ano"her reason or "he suen re'i'a$ o 3assiona"e se 1e"!een Ben an S"a*5.The o"her %an?s a""en"ions reair%e S"a*5?s a""ra*"i'eness an e'o/e @ea$ous5 in Ben.0hen i" 3ene"ra"es %en?s %ins "ha" o"her esira1$e %en are in"eres"e in "heir 3ar"ners,"he5 3er*ei'e "heir 3ar"ners "hrough ne! e5es as %ore seua$$5 raian". As a*onseuen*e, ero"i* a""ra*"ion igni"es, s3ar/ing 3assiona"e $o'e. I?'e !i"nesse "his%e*hanis% irs"han. For se'era$ 5ears I 3$a5e "ennis !i"h a 'er5 a""ra*"i'e %arrie!o%an. One a5 a"er our %a"*h she announ*e "o %e2 You?'e 1een "he 1es" "hing orour se $ie. Dan is in*rei1$5 @ea$ous o 5ou. On a5s "ha" 5ou an I 3$a5 "ennis, Dan anI ha'e "he grea"es" seC Fro% ou"!ar a33earan*es, Dan !as a *a$% an *oo$ gu5 !ho!as no" easi$5 ru$e. Bu" on*e his @ea$ous5 !as arouse, he 3er*ei'e his !ie as %oreseua$$5 raian", $eaing "o a surge o 3assiona"e $o'e%a/ing.



6$ini*a$ *ases a$so "es"i5 "o "he in*rease aror o$$o!ing e3isoes o @ea$ous5. In ones"u5, Mar5 See%an oun "ha" +< 3er*en" o !o%en re3or"e enhan*e seua$ esire asa resu$" o "heir @ea$ous52 Visions o !ha" "he s3ouses an "he ri'a$s %igh" 1e oing"oge"her o**u3ie %u*h o "heir "hough" an, "he5 re$u*"an"$5 a%i""e, seua$$5 e*i"e?"he%. One !o%an in See%an?s s"u5 see%e "o 1e in *on"inuous s"a"es o seua$

arousa$, !hi*h !ere 1o"h 3$easura1$e an agoniing. This s"a"e *on"ri1u"e "o reuen"an %assi'e 3$easure in se, !hi*h 1one "he 3air %ore *$ose$5 an !hi*h a**oun"eor %u*h o "he se*onar5 gain eri'e ro% @ea$ous5. In his 1oo/ The >reut6er Sonata%

"he grea" Russian !ri"er To$s"oi o1ser'e2 Our argu%en"s !ere "erri5ing . . . an so%u*h %ore s"ri/ing in "ha" "he5 !ere o$$o!e 15 eua$$5 in*ense 3aro5s%s o ani%a$seua$i"5.

In one unusua$ *ase in F$oria, a hus1an a*"ua$$5 3ai o"her %en "o *o%e "o his ho%ean ha'e se !i"h his !ie. He hi in "he *$ose" an se*re"$5 !a"*he his !ie in "he o"her%an?s e%1ra*e. His @ea$ous5 in$a%e seua$ 3assion, a33aren"$5 "he on$5 !a5 "ha" he*ou$ sus"ain an ere*"ion. oing "o su*h $eng"hs "o s"i%u$a"e seua$ in"eres" is unusua$,

an using @ea$ous5 in "his %anner *an 1a*/ire, o"en e'o/ing isgus" or 'io$en*e. Bu" orso%e *ou3$es, @ea$ous5 3ro'ies "he seua$ s3ar/ "ha" *an rene! "he 3assion "ha" has!in$e o'er "i%e. An so%e"i%es i" in"ensiies $o'e.

The Sea of Love

One "es"a%en" "o "he uni'ersa$i"5 o $o'e an i"s o1s"ina"e reusa$ "o 1e e"inguishe *an 1e oun in so*ie"ies "ha" ha'e a""e%3"e "o 1anish i". In "he +="h *en"ur5, "he OneiaSo*ie"5 ar"i*u$a"e "he 'ie! "ha" ro%an"i* $o'e !as %ere$5 isguise seua$ $us", an sa!no reason "o en*ourage su*h e*ei". The Sha/ers, "o "a/e ano"her ea%3$e, in "he +:"h*en"ur5 e*$are ro%an"i* $o'e unigniie an "hrea"ening "o "he goa$s o "he $arger

*o%%uni"5, an so sough" "o 1anish i". The Mor%ons o "he +="h *en"ur5 a$so 'ie!ero%an"i* $o'e as isru3"i'e, an sough" "o is*ourage i". In a$$ "hree so*ie"ies, ho!e'er,ro%an"i* $o'e 3ersis"e a%ong ini'iua$s, so%e"i%es unergroun, reusing 1anish%en", hien ro% "he harsh e5es o "he grou3?s e$ers. 0i"hin *u$"ures, as "hes"or5 o Ro%eo an Gu$ie" e*$ares !i"h uni'ersa$ resonan*e, $o'e *an 1e ue$e 15 "heeor"s o o"hers "o su33ress i". >o'ers ha'e no *hoi*e "he5 *an ue$$ "heir ee$ings"e%3orari$5 or %u$e "heir e3ression, 1u" "he5 *anno" eor*ise "he% en"ire$5.

6u$"ures "ha" i%3ose arrange %arriages an 3er%i" 3o$5g5n5 3ro'ie a "es" *ase, or!ha" s5s"e% *ou$ 1e 1e""er esigne "o uner%ine $o'e Does $o'e ha'e an5 3$a*e!i"hin a %a"ing s5s"e% !here a %an?s irs" !ie is *hosen or hi% E'en !hen his e$ers

*hoose a %an?s irs" !ie or hi%, su*h as in 3o$5g5nous Ara1i* *u$"ures, %en o"en%arr5 a se*on !ie or $o'e. Tai"a !o%en in a*" 3reer "o 1e "he se*on or "hir !ie, 1e$ie'ing "ha" "he5 !i$$ %ore $i/e$5 1e %arrie or $o'e an hen*e !i$$ re*ei'e %orea'ora1$e "rea"%en" ro% "heir hus1an an e3erien*e %ore e%o"iona$ *$oseness.

Ano"her "es"a%en" "o "he uni'ersa$i"5 o $o'e *o%es ro% s"uies "ha" si%3$5 as/ %en an!o%en !he"her "he5 are *urren"$5 in $o'e. Susan S3re*her o I$$inois S"a"e Uni'ersi"5in"er'ie!e +,99< !o%en an %en ro% "hree ieren" *u$"ures. Se'en"58"hree 3er*en" o



"he Russian !o%en an 9+ 3er*en" o "he Russian %en *onesse "o 1eing *urren"$5 in$o'e. The *o%3ara1$e igures ro% Ga3an !ere 9- 3er*en" or !o%en an ;+ 3er*en" or%en. A%eri*ans re3or"e rough$5 "he sa%e $e'e$s, !i"h 9- 3er*en" o "he !o%en an J- 3er*en" o "he %en a%i""ing "ha" "he5 !ere *urren"$5 in $o'e.

0h5 !ou$ $o'e 1e su*h a uni'ersa$ e%o"iona "e%3orar5 insani"5 "ha" ri'es 3eo3$e "ois"ra*"ion, *auses a $oss o a33e"i"e, an *rea"es o1sessiona$ "hough"s "ha" *ro! ou"e'er5"hing e$se 0h5 are !e a$$ oo$s or $o'e The %os" 3$ausi1$e "heor5 3ro3oses "ha"$o'e e'o$'e in orer "o so$'e "he re$a"e 3ro1$e%s o *o%%i"%en" an a1anon%en". Ara"iona$ ana$5sis o "he %a"ing %ar/e" "e$$s us "ha" so%e!here in "his !or$ o 1i$$ions o 3eo3$e "here is so%eone !ho %igh" 1e a 1e""er %a"e "han 5ou areso%eone !ho %a5 1es%ar"er, unnier, %ore e*i"ing, %ore e3ena1$e, %ore in"e$$igen", or %ore 1eau"iu$ "o 1eho$. Fro% 5our 3erse3*"i'e, 5ou ris/ ge""ing u%3e e'er5 "i%e 5our 3ar"ner %ee"sso%eone e$se. This $ea'es 5ou 'u$nera1$e. The os are "ha" sooner or $a"er 5our 3ar"ner!i$$ %ee" so%eone !ho %igh" 1e a 1i" 1e""er "han 5ou on "he harsh %e"ri* o %a"e 'a$ue,so%eone !ho a$so !an"s 5our 3ar"ner @us" as %u*h as 5ou o.

The *os"s o ge""ing a1anone are se'ere. 0e ris/ $osing a$$ o "he eor" !e e'o"e "osear*hing or an *our"ing a %a"e. An5one !ho?s 1een rus"ra"e, i%3a"ien", an 1ore!i"h "he sing$es s*ene /no!s !ha" a rag i" is "o ha'e "o s"ar" ro% s*ra"*h "o or% a ne!re$a"ionshi3. You nee so%e !a5 "o ensure "ha" a 3ar"ner is uns!er'ing$5 *o%%i""e "o5ou an !on?" $ea'e 5ou !hen so%eone ne! %o'es "o "o!n. I" !ou$ 1e oo$ish "o en"era re$a"ionshi3 o"her!ise.

I *o%%i"%en" an "he ris/ o a1anon%en" are "he 3ro1$e%s, $o'e is "he so$u"ion, sin*ei"?s a 3assion "ha" eies ra"iona$i"5. I" "e$$s 5ou "ha" 5our 3ar"ner on$5 has e5es or 5ou,"ha" 5ou?re "he on$5 one. I" "e$$s 5ou "ha" 5our 3ar"ner is s!e3" a!a5 in a sea o e%o"ion

"ha"?s 1e5on *on"ro$.

To "es" "he e'o$u"ionar5 un*"ion o $o'e, !e as/e se'era$ hunre !o%en an %en "oes*ri1e "he 1eha'iors "ha" signa$ "ha" a 3erson is in $o'e. A se3ara"e sa%3$e "hen ra"eea*h o "he $o'e a*"s $is"e on ho! %u*h i" ini*a"e 1eing in "he "hra$$ o $o'e. Signa$s o*o%%i"%en" e%erge as %os" iagnos"i* o $o'e, 1u" *o%%i"%en" *an "a/e %an5 or%s.>o'ers *o%%i" %a"eria$ resour*es su*h as oo, she$"er, an 3h5si*a$ 3ro"e*"ion "o a 3ar"ner o'er "he $ong "er%. >o'ers *o%%i" seua$ resour*es 15 re%aining seua$$5ai"hu$ an 15 %a/ing $o'e !i"h !i$ a1anon. >o'ers *o%%i" re3rou*"i'e resour*es "o"heir 1e$o'e, as in su**essu$ *on*e3"ion, 3regnan*5, an *hi$1ir"h. An i" o$$o!s "ha"$o'ers *o%%i" 3aren"a$ resour*es "o "heir *hi$ren, "he na"ura$ resu$" o "he $o'e union.

Man5 o "hese a*"s *on'e5 se$8sa*rii*e2 3u""ing one?s o!n in"eres"s asie or "he grea"ernees o "he $o'e one, %a/ing signii*an" sa*rii*es or "he 3ar"ner, an gi'ing u3 a grea"ea$ o "i%e "o 1e !i"h "he %a"e. O"her signa$s in'o$'e a seua$ o3enness an "rus" "ha"%a5 1e $a*/ing in $esser re$a"ionshi3s2 "r5ing ou" ieren" seua$ 3osi"ions an a*"ing ou""he $o'er?s ee3es" seua$ an"asies.



E%o"iona$ *o%%i"%en" e%erge "hroughou" "he a*"s o $o'e, in*$uing $is"ening !i"h rea$a""en"ion an in"eres", gi'ing u3 un a*"i'i"ies "o 1e !i"h "he $o'er !hen neee, ansho!ing *on*ern or a 3ar"ner?s 3ro1$e%s. Se'era$ 3eo3$e es*ri1e ho! a 3ar"ner hagone ou" o his or her !a5 e%o"iona$$5 !hen "he5 !ere in "he %os" es3era"e 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ s"a"e. Se'era$ $o'ers es*ri1e ho! "heir 3ar"ner 3ro'ie so$a*e uring

"heir ar/es" hours, rea*hing o!n "o 3u$$ "he% ou" o a ee3 e3ression !hen a$$ see%eho3e$ess.

These inings a$$ su33or" "he "heor5 "ha" $o'e is a singu$ar signa$ o *o%%i"%en". A*"s o$o'e *on'e5 "ha" a 3ar"ner !on?" $ea'e 5ou !hen 5our esira1i$i"5 i3s %o%en"ari$5"hrough si*/ness or se"1a*/s. 0e /no! a 3ar"ner?s $o'e "hrough "heir a*"ions, 1u" "hea*"ions %us" re'ea$ uner$5ing e%o"ions "ha" e5 ra"iona$i"5. One o "hose e%o"ions is @ea$ous5.

Gea$ous5 is one o "he %os" *o%%on$5 oun *orre$a"es o 1eing in $o'e. I" e'o$'e "o 3ro"e*" $o'e no" %ere$5 ro% "he "hrea" o $oss 1u" ro% "he "hrea" o $oss "o arival .

6onsier !hi*h o "he o$$o!ing s*enarios !ou$ %a/e 5ou %ore @ea$ous2

Loss due to fate!Your 3ar"ner, !i"h !ho% 5ou are ee3$5 in $o'e, is /i$$e in anau"o%o1i$e a**ien".

Loss due to partner8s destiny!Your 3ar"ner, !i"h !ho% 5ou are ee3$5 in $o'e, o1"ains a 3ro%o"ion an %o'es "o a ara!a5 *i"5. You /no! "ha" 5ou !i$$ ne'er see hi% (her&again.

Loss due to re5ection!Your 3ar"ner, !i"h !ho% 5ou are ee3$5 in $o'e, e3$ains "ha" he(she& oes no" $o'e 5ou an5%ore an ens "he re$a"ionshi3. You /no! "ha" 5ou !i$$ ne'ersee hi% (her& again.

Loss due to a rival!Your 3ar"ner, !i"h !ho% 5ou are ee3$5 in $o'e, a$$s in $o'e !i"hano"her an ens his (her& re$a"ionshi3 !i"h 5ou. You /no! "ha" 5ou !i$$ ne'er see hi%(her& again.

In an e3eri%en", Eugene Ma"hes as/e %en an !o%en, I "his ha33ene "o 5ou,

!ou$ 5ou ee$ @ea$ous Ou" o a 3ossi1$e range o ; "o :, $oss o a $o'e ue "o a"es*ore on$5 < on "he @ea$ous5 s*a$e $oss ue "o es"in5 s*ore near$5 ou1$e a" +- $ossue "o re@e*"ion *a%e ou" a" +9 1u" $oss "o a ri'a$ 3ro'o/e "he grea"es" @ea$ous5 s*orea" . Be*ause e'o$u"ion is an inheren"$5 *o%3e"i"i'e 3ro*ess, @ea$ous5 e'o$'e no" @us" "o 3ro"e*" "he $oss o $o'e 1u" a$so "o 3re'en" "he ou1$e8!ha%%5 o "he $oss o $o'e "o ari'a$.



In %5 s"uies, I is*o'ere "ha" so%e signs o @ea$ous5 are a**ura"e$5 in"er3re"e as a*"so $o'e. 0hen a %an ro3s 15 une3e*"e$5 "o see !ha" his 3ar"ner is oing, "his %oe o @ea$ous 'igi$an*e un*"ions "o 3reser'e "he sae ha'en o e*$usi'i"5 !hi$e si%u$"aneous$5*o%%uni*a"ing $o'e. 0hen a !o%an $oses s$ee3 "hin/ing a1ou" her 3ar"ner an!onering !he"her he?s !i"h so%eone e$se, i" ini*a"es si%u$"aneous$5 "he e3"h o her

$o'e an "he in"ensi"5 o her @ea$ous5. 0hen a %an "e$$s his riens "ha" he is %a$5 in$o'e !i"h a !o%an, i" ser'es "he ua$ 3ur3oses o *on'e5ing $o'e an *o%%uni*a"ing "o 3o"en"ia$ ri'a$s "o /ee3 "heir hans o.

The a15s%a$ ai$ure o %os" o3en %arriages "ha" 1e*a%e 3o3u$ar in "he $a"e +=9s anear$5 +=<s is s"ar/ "es"a%en" "o "he ai$ure o e3eri%en"s "o e3unge @ea$ous5 ro% "he$i'es o $o'ers. Fe! %arriages *an enure "hir83ar"5 in"ruers. One o "he 3osi"i'e 1enei"s o @ea$ous5 is "o 3reser'e "ha" inner san*"u%, 3ro"e*"ing i" ro% in"er$o3ers !hoha'e "heir o!n hien agenas. A**oring "o A5a$a Pines, 3ro"e*"ing $o'e is "he 3ri%ar5un*"ion o @ea$ous52 @ea$ous5 ai%s "o 3ro"e*" ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s. I" is no" a use$ess$igh" o irra"iona$i"5, 1u" a useu$ signa$ 3eo3$e *an $earn "o in"er3re" *orre*"$5. . . .

Gea$ous5 %a/es 3eo3$e ea%ine "heir re$a"ionshi3 . . . I" "ea*hes *ou3$es no" "o "a/e ea*ho"her or gran"e . . . ensures "ha" "he5 *on"inue "o 'a$ue ea*h o"her an . . . ini*a"es "ha" 3eo3$e 'a$ue "he $o'e re$a"ionshi3 i" 3ro"e*"s.

Sae ha'ens, ho!e'er, are rare$5 3ossi1$e in "he %oern !or$. As @ourna$is" Gui"h Viors"no"e, Unor"una"e$5 "here is an en$ess su33$5 o !o%en ou" "here in "he 1ig !or$ se*re"aries an en"a$ assis"an"s an !ai"resses an !o%en ee*u"i'es . . . An !i'es!i"h "ra'e$ing hus1ans ha'e an e'en !ier se$e*"ion o 3o"en"ia$ "e%3"a"ions "o ge"aggra'a"e o'erT0A s"e!aresses, San Fran*is*o "o3$ess an*ers, o$ $a%es inMinnea3o$is, ne! %oe$s in De"roi".

The %ain"enan*e o $o'e, ironi*a$$5, %a5 hinge on "he e'er83resen" "hrea" o ri'a$s an"he @ea$ous5 "he5 e'o/e. On "hose a5s !hen I ha33en "o 1e ee$ing %a"ure an se*ure,Viors" o1ser'es, I?% a$so going "o a%i" "ha" a %an !ho !asn?" a""ra*"i'e "o o"her!o%en, a %an !ho !asn?" a$i'e enough "o en@o5 o"her !o%en, a %an !ho !as in*a3a1$eo %a/ing %e @ea$ous, !ou$ ne'er 1e "he /in o %an I? $o'e.

Emotional Wisdom

Ro1er" an Anne %e" in "heir $a"e s. Bo"h !ere a""ra*"i'e, in"e$$igen", an *u$"ura$$5so3his"i*a"e. Anne !as a rising s"ar in her ie$ o s"u5. Her 3roessors res3e*"e her orher or%ia1$e $ogi*a$ 3o!ers. Her *haris%a, *oo$ ra"iona$i"5, an *on*ern or so*ia$

@us"i*e a""ra*"e %an5 riens. Ro1er" *a%e ro% Fran*e, !as a$so 3ro%ising in his ie$,an raia"e an ine*"ious en"husias% "ha" *har%e !o%en an %en a$i/e. He /ne! a$$"he $a"es" %usi*a$ grou3s an "he 1es" 1ohe%ian %o'ies. He i%3resse Anne !i"h his/no!$ege o ine !ines an *oo/e euisi"e, eo"i* ishes or her an "heir riens.

Anne an Ro1er" 1o"h ha 1een "hough se'era$ 3re'ious aairs, an nei"her !as ne! "o$o'e. In "he ear$5 %on"hs o "heir re$a"ionshi3, she ha "he u33er han. She i no" !an""o ge" he%%e in, an reuse "o gi'e u3 her o"her $o'ers, so he !as or*e "o see her



!hen she %ae "i%e or hi%. On nigh"s !hen Ro1er" /ne! "ha" Anne !as s$ee3ing !i"hano"her %an, he ran/ %ore "han a e! 1eers, 1u" she ha 1een a1o'e 1oar a1ou" "ha"ro% "he s"ar", so he ue$$e his @ea$ous5.

As "he %on"hs 3asse, ho!e'er, "his a$$ *hange. She ro33e her o"her re$a"ionshi3s,

e*ie "ha" he !as "he $o'e o her $ie, an no! !an"e %onoga%5 an *o%%i"%en".The5 s3en" hours "oge"her ea*h a5, an he 1rough" ou" sies o her she ne'er /ne!eis"ea "a$en" or singing, a 3assion or "hea"er, an a ne!8oun in"eres" in an*ing.

0i"hin !ee/s o "his *hange, ho!e'er, she s"ar"e sho!ing signs o @ea$ous5. She gri$$ehi% a1ou" e'er5 !o%an he "a$/e "o an or*e hi% "o e3$ain e'er5 a1sen*e. Ro1er"?s*asua$ *on'ersa"ion !i"h ano"her !o%an a" a *oee sho3 !ou$ "rigger a "hree8hourargu%en", !i"h e%o"iona$ ou"1urs"s an "ears, un"i$ he !as ina$$5 a1$e "o reassure her "ha"her sus3i*ions !ere un@us"iie an his *o%%i"%en" "o her unsha/a1$e. Her riens *ou$no" 1e$ie'e Anne?s "ransor%a"ion ro% "he %as"er o reason "o a !ee35 %ass o @ea$ousinse*uri"5.

Anne *ons"an"$5 sus3e*"e "ha" he $ir"e !i"h o"her !o%en in her a1sen*e an "ha" he!as on "he 'erge o 1e"ra5a$. Her %oo5 e3isoes gre! !orse o'er "i%e as "he *5*$es oa**usa"ions an reassuran*es 1e*a%e in*reasing$5 *o%%on. Bu" her ra"iona$ sies"rugg$e "o o'er*o%e "hese 1ou"s. Sin*e her %os" e%o"iona$ %o%en"s *a%e !hen she 1e*a%e 3re%ens"rua$, she ina$$5 e*ie "o a""ri1u"e "he% "o her hor%ones. She*on'in*e herse$ "ha" her @ea$ous5 ha 1een irra"iona$. She o'erroe "he green %ons"er!i"h $ogi* an *a%e "o 1e$ie'e "ha" she neee "o ue$$ her unreasona1$e sus3i*ions.

Then he ro33e "he 1o%1. He !as inee in"eres"e in o"her !o%en an ha noin"en"ion o 1eing !i"h her 3er%anen"$5. In a*", he? a$rea5 s"ar"e s$ee3ing !i"h o"her

!o%en. Her @ea$ous5 ha 1een 3ere*"$5 @us"iie an no" *ause 15 hor%ona$$u*"ua"ions or 3re%ens"rua$ s5nro%e. Anne ha 1een 3i*/ing u3 on rea$ signa$s "ha" heis%isse an a1ou" !hi*h she e$" nee$ess$5 gui$"5. She ha ae %on"hs "o her %iser5 15 ai$ing "o $is"en "o "he e%o"iona$ !iso% "ha" e'o$u"ion ha gi'en her. Ha she no" runroughsho o'er her in"erna$ !his3erings !i"h $ogi* an ra"iona$i"5, she *ou$ ha'e sa'eherse$ "he 3ro$onge agon5 o "r5ing "o %a/e !or/ !ha" !as oo%e ro% "he s"ar".

I"?s un$i/e$5 "ha" $o'e, !i"h "he "re%enous 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ in'es"%en" i" en"ai$s, *ou$ha'e e'o$'e !i"hou" a eense "ha" shie$e i" ro% "he *ons"an" "hrea" ro% ri'a$s an"he 3ossi1i$i"5 o 1e"ra5a$ ro% a 3ar"ner. Gea$ous5 e'o$'e "o i$$ "ha" 'oi, %o"i'a"ing'igi$an*e as "he irs" $ine o eense an 'io$en*e as "he $as". In i"s e"re%e or%s, "his'i"a$ shie$ has 1een *a$$e e$usiona$, %or1i, an 3a"ho$ogi*a$, a s5%3"o% o neurosisan a s5nro%e o 3s5*hosis. Thera3is"s "r5 "o e3unge i" ro% 3a"ien"s, an ini'iua$s"r5 "o su33ress i" in "he%se$'es.

I"?s eas5 "o uners"an !h5. The s3ouse !ho has 1een a$se$5 a**use o 1e"ra5a$ or "hehunre"h "i%e 15 a sus3i*ious 3ar"ner !an"s i" "o s"o3. The !ie !ho *a$$s her hus1anin*essan"$5 a" !or/ "o %a/e sure he?s no" *hea"ing *an ri'e hi% %a. The !ie !hosese$8es"ee% is 1ruise, !hose 1o5 is 1a""ere, an !hose sur'i'a$ is enangere 15 a



@ea$ous hus1an $i'es a $ie o %iser5. An "he %an !hose e8gir$rien s"a$/s hi%e'er5!here %a5 ha'e "o resor" "o "he es3era"e %easure o a 3o$i*e res"raining orer. Therage, sha%e, e3ression, hu%i$ia"ion, anie"5, *onusion, sus3i*ion, sorro!, in@ure 3rie,an ear o a1anon%en" "ha" a**o%3an5 @ea$ous5 %a/e i" a 3assion !i"h 3eri$ unri'a$ein "he hu%an e%o"iona$ $ans*a3e.

The e3erien*e o @ea$ous5 *an 1e 3s5*ho$ogi*a$$5 3ainu$, an or "his reason i" has 1een*a$$e a nega"i'e e%o"ion. Bu" "he 3rin*i3$e o s"ra"egi* in"ereren*e e3$ains !h5 !enee "hese 3ainu$ e3erien*es. The5 a$er" us "o rea$ "hrea"s 15 rea$ ri'a$s. The5 "e$$ us!hen a 3ar"ner?s seua$ inieren*e %igh" no" %ere$5 %ean "ha" he?s is"ra*"e 15 !or/.The5 *ause us "o re%e%1er su1"$e signa$s "ha", !hen 3ro3er$5 asse%1$e, 3or"en a rea$ee*"ion. 0e e3erien*e 3ain 1e*ause 3ain %o"i'a"es us "o ea$ !i"h rea$ s"ra"egi*in"ereren*e an so$'e a*"ua$ aa3"i'e 3ro1$e%s. The 3ainu$ e%o"ions "ha" a$er" us "os"ra"egi* in"ereren*e he$3 us 15 or*ing us "o ea$ !i"h "he sour*es o "he 3ro1$e%s.

The 3rin*i3$e o error %anage%en" he$3s "o e3$ain !h5 @ea$ous5 so%e"i%es see%s so

irra"iona$. 0e $i'e in a !or$ ri$e !i"h un*er"ain"5, a 1oo%ing, 1uing *haos o *uesreuiring ineren*es a1ou" an unseen rea$i"5. O'er e'o$u"ionar5 "i%e, so%e errors oineren*e !ere %ore *os"$5 "han o"hers. Fai$ing "o e"e*" an a*"ua$ inie$i"5 !as %ore*os"$5 "han %is"a/en$5 a**using an inno*en" 3ar"ner o 1e"ra5a$. E'o$u"ion, as a*onseuen*e, orge a h53ersensi"i'e eense s5s"e%, esigne "o soun "he a$ar% no" @us" !hen an inie$i"5 has 1een is*o'ere, 1u" a$so !hen "he *ir*u%s"an*es %a/e i"s$igh"$5 %ore $i/e$5. These aa3"i'e 1iases e3$ain !h5 !e so%e"i%es iner a 1e"ra5a$!hen none has o**urre an !h5 "hese %is"a/es %a5 no" rea$$5 1e errors o'er "he $ongrun.

0e $i'e in an age !here so%e 3eo3$e 1ri$e a" "he sugges"ion "ha" !o%en an %en ier.

Peo3$e !orr5 "ha" is*o'eries o se ieren*es !i$$ @us"i5 is*ri%ina"ion. I e'o$u"ionhas %ae !o%en an %en ieren", "his reasoning goes, i" %igh" @us"i5 /ee3ing !o%enou" o *er"ain @o1s or a" ho%e 1areoo" an 3regnan". Bu" "he inings o se ieren*es 3ro'ie no @us"ii*a"ion or "hese ineren*es. #ei"her se *an 1e *onsiere su3erior orinerior "o "he o"her, an5 %ore "han a 1ir?s !ings *an 1e *onsiere su3erior or inerior"o a ish?s ins.

Ti%e a"er "i%e, "he is*o'eries o se ieren*es *o%ing ou" o our $a1 ha'e 1een %e"!i"h ou"rage, es3e*ia$$5 !hen "he5 ha'e 1een re3or"e in na"iona$ 3u1$i*a"ions su*h as"he New York Ti#es or on "e$e'ision ne!s %againes su*h as #B6?s ateline . The !or/is"ur1s so %an5 3eo3$e "ha" "he ie$ s!ir$s !i"h *on"ro'ers5. Bu" I 1e$ie'e "ha"/no!$ege o "hese se ieren*es is *ri"i*a$ i !e are "o s"an an5 *han*e o ea$ing!i"h "he e'o$'e e%ons "ha" $ur/ !i"hin a$$ o us.

So%e 3eo3$e !orr5 "ha" inor%a"ion a1ou" "he e'o$'e ouna"ion o our 3assions !i$$ 1e%isuse. Men, or ea%3$e, %igh" @us"i5 seua$ inie$i"5I *ou$n?" he$3 i" %5e'o$'e 3s5*ho$og5 %ae %e o i". A$"hough "his *on*ern shou$ no" 1e is*oun"e,I?'e !i"nesse %en use "his /no!$ege, ins"ea, "o he$3 "he% re%ain ai"hu$. 0hen Iin %5se$ a""ra*"e "o ano"her !o%an, one %an "o$ %e, I rea$ie i"?s @us" %5 e'o$'e



esire or seua$ 'arie"5 i" oesn?" %ean I on?" $o'e %5 !ie i" oesn?" %ean sheoesn?" uners"an %e /no!ing "his he$3s %e "o s"a5 ai"hu$.

Men are so%e"i%es is"ur1e !hen "he5 is*o'er "ha" a 3ar"ner has seua$ an"asies a1ou"o"her %en, 1u" I ha'e 5e" "o in"er'ie! a !o%an !ho hasn?" ha "he%. The5 re$e*" "he

a*" "ha" no %a""er ho! goo or $o'ing a *urren" re$a"ionshi3 is, an*es"ra$ !o%en neee%a"e insuran*e 1e*ause so%e"hing *an a$!a5s go !rong. 0o%en?s an"asies on?" re$e*"a $a*/ o $o'e, or %ean "ha" a !o%an !i$$ 1egin an aair !i"h a *o$$eague as soon as herhus1an $ea'es "o!n. Kno!$ege o "he 3ur3oses o hien 3assions %a5 he$3 "o /ee3our esires in 3ro3er 3ers3e*"i'e.

E'o$u"ion has eui33e a$$ o us !i"h a ri*h %enu o e%o"ions, in*$uing @ea$ous5, en'5,ear, rage, @o5, hu%i$ia"ion, 3assion, an $o'e. This *ons"e$$a"ion has *o8e'o$'e in %enan !o%en, ea*h *hanging or% an un*"ion "o res3on "o no'e$ aa3"i'e *ha$$enges*rea"e 15 "he o"hers. The /no!$ege "ha" *o%es !i"h a ee3er uners"aning o ourangerous 3assions !i$$ no" e$i%ina"e *on$i*"s 1e"!een $o'ers, 1e"!een ri'a$s, or

1e"!een $o'ers !ho 1e*o%e ri'a$s. Bu" i" %a5, in so%e s%a$$ %easure, gi'e us "hee%o"iona$ !iso% "o ea$ !i"h "he%.



Notes

%ha*ter 6) The Dangerous !assion

The gu$ 1e"!een "he sees2 Buss e" a$., +===.

In one s"u5 o 1a""ere !o%en2 0i$son ) Da$5, +==9.

I on?" /no! !h5 I /i$$e "he !o%an2 6ar$son, +=:;, 3. =.

Sarah Hr5 o "he uni'ersi"5 o 6a$iornia2 Hr5 ) 0hi""en, +=:<.

A%ong "he *hi%3anees2 e 0aa$, +=:.

As "he 3s5*ho$ogis" S"e'en Pin/er2 Pin/er, +==<, 3. ;+:.

One /e5 "o "he %5s"er5 o $o'e2 Fran/, +=::.

6onsier "he *ase o Gohn 0. Hin*/$e52 uo"e in Ha"ie$ ) Ra3son, +==-, 33. -9-<.

In a re*en" sur'e52 Bau%eis"er ) 0o"%an, +==.

One o "he grea" $o'e s"ories2 Bau%eis"er ) 0o"%an, +==.

In one o our re*en" s"uies2 S*h%i"", Sha*/e$or, ) Buss, uner re'ie! %an5 3re'iouss"uies ha'e *onir%e "he sa%e una%en"a$ se ieren*es see Buss, +==:, or are'ie! o "he e'ien*e.

In ano"her s"u52 E$$is ) S5%ons, +==.

Seua$ inie$i"5 *auses i'or*e !or$!ie2 Be"ig, +=:=.

Inee, %5 *o$$eagues2 Ba/er ) Be$$is, +==J.

For "he 3as" se'en 5ears, Heii rei$ing an I2 rei$ing ) Buss, in 3ress.

Resear*h 15 S"e'e anges"a an Ran5 Thornhi$$2 anges"a ) Thornhi$$, +==<.

During an*es"ra$ "i%es2 Dia%on, +==, +==: #esse ) 0i$$ia%s, +==; Too15 )DeVore, +=:< 0i$$ia%s ) #esse, +==+. For is*ussions o "hese a*"ors ae*"ing "ri1a$or "rai"iona$ *u$"ures, see 6hagnon, +=:- Hi$$ ) Hur"ao, +==9.



The 3a$eon"o$ogi*a$ an *ross8*u$"ura$ re*ors2 0a$/er, +==J.

An*es"ra$ !o%en !ho ai$e2 Buss, +==; Dia%on, +== Fisher, +== S%i"h, +=:;.

A%eri*an i'or*e ra"es2 o""%an, +==;.

In "he %os" e"ensi'e s"u52 S"anis$a! ) Ri*e, +=::.

A re*en" sur'e52 Ba/er ) Be$$is, +==J.

The @ea$ous 3erson2 Mo!a", +=99 uo"e in So%%ers, +=::, 3. +J-.

6onsier "he *ase2 Oegaar, +=9:.

Gea$ous5 is o"en "riggere2 6$an"on ) S%i"h, +==: Too15 ) 6os%ies, +== 0hi"e,+=: 0hi"e, +=:+1.

The %an !as -J 5ears o$2 She3her, +=9+, 3. <-.

Dieren*es in esira1i$i"52 6$an"on ) S%i"h, +==: Too15 ) 6os%ies, +== 0hi"e,+=: 0hi"e, +=:+1.

E$aine Ha"ie$ an her *o$$eagues2 0a$s"er, Trau3%ann, ) 0a$s"er, +=<: 0a$s"er,0a$s"er, ) Bers*hei, +=<:.

%ha*ter 7) The #ealousy !arado$

6onsier "hese inings2 Mu$$en ) Mar"in, +==;.

S". Augus"ine no"e "his $in/2 uo"e in 6$a53oo$ ) Shee"s, +==9.

The 3s5*ho$ogis" Eugene Ma"hes2 Ma"hes, +=:9.

6on"ras" "his !i"h ano"her ining2 Riggs, +==-.

The 3arao !as re$e*"e in O. G. Si%3son?s s"a"e%en"2 #e!s!ee/, De*. :, +==:, 3.++9.

The e%o"ion o @ea$ous52 i$$ar, uo"e in E$$is, +=J. 3.

The #or!egian 3s5*hia"ris" #i$s Re""ers"o$2 Re""ers"o$, +=9<.

The 3s5*ho$ogis" oron 6$an"on2 6$an"on ) S%i"h, +=<<.

Gea$ous5 is seua$2 Da$5, 0i$son, ) 0eghors", +=:.



So%e !ri"ers ai$ "o is"inguish2 DeS"eno ) Sa$o'e5, +==J.

The hus1an, ho!e'er, %a5 1e @ea$ous o his 1eau"iu$ !ie2 Fos"er, +=<.

A**oring "o 3s5*ho$ogis" Ra$3h Hu3/a2 Hu3/a, +==+, 33. J;, 9.

The 3s5*hia"ris" Dinesh Bhugra2 Bhugra, +==-.

6a3i"a$is" so*ie"5 en*ourages2 Bhugra, +==-, 3. <.

Thir, sin*e %o"i'es or @ea$ous52 Bhugra, +==-, 3. <-.

Ano"her e3$ana"ion o @ea$ous52 Bhugra, +==-.

So%e"i%es @ea$ous5 is inee 3a"ho$ogi*a$2 Gohnson, +=9=.

A%ong "he A*he o Paragua52 Borgerho Mu$er, +=:: Hi$$ ) Hur"ao, +==9.

E'en a%ong "he A%%assa$i/ Es/i%os2 Mir/s5, +=-<.

An *on"rar5 "o Margare" Mea?s asser"ion2 *i"e in Free%an, +=:-, 3. ;;.

To *i"e one ea%3$e2 Free%an, +=:-, 33. ;-;;.

In one *ase "he hus1an2 Free%an, +=:-, 3. ;;.

6u$"ures in "ro3i*a$ 3araises2 Bro!n, +==+ Free%an, +=:-.

In an i%3or"an" sense, "hereore2 S5%ons, +=<= 0i$son ) Da$5, +==9.

This is es3e*ia$$5 "rue i "here are gene"i* /in2 A$eaner, +=:<.

Di'or*e s"a"us an "he eis"en*e o *hi$ren2 Margo 0i$son an Mar"in Da$5, 3ersona$*o%%uni*a"ion, +=:=.

The *hi$ren suer2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +==9.

6har$es Dar!in e3resse "he /e5 insigh"2 Dar!in, +:<<, 33. :J:9.

The s3e*ii* arra5 o hu%an ears2 Mar/s, +=:<.

Fear o heigh"s an s"rangers2 S*arr ) Sa$a3a"e/, +=<.

In one s"u5, : 3er*en" o inan"s !ho ha 1een *ra!$ing2 Ber"en"ha$, 6a%3os, )6a3$o'i", +=:-.



Fear o s"rangers in hu%an inan"s has 1een o*u%en"e2 S%i"h, +=<=.

In a*", "he ris/ o inan"s 1eing /i$$e 15 s"rangers2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=:: Hr5, +=:+0rangha% ) Pe"erson, +==9.

As "he Har'ar 3s5*ho$ogis" Gero%e Kagan2 Kagan, Kears$e5, ) Le$ao, +=<:.

Pau$ Mu$$en, a 3s5*hia"ris" a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o O"ago2 Mu$$en, +==.

Don Shar3s"een, a 3roessor o 3s5*ho$og5 a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o Missouri2 Shar3s"een,+==-.

The 3s5*hia"ris" Mar5 See%an2 See%an, +=<=.

regor5 0hi"e an Pau$ Mu$$en no"e2 0hi"e ) Mu$$en, +=:=, 3. +<=.

A" "he *urren" %o%en" in "i%e2 Ha$$, +=:;.

%ha*ter 8) #ealousy on Mars and +enus

Bra% Buun/, a 3roessor a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o roningen2 Buun/ ) Hu3/a, +=:<.

Doens o o"her s"uies 'eri5 "he *on*$usion2 0hi"e ) Mu$$en, +=:=.

On$5 $a"er i she rea$ie2 See%an, +=<=, 3. -J9.

His !ie !as si%3$5 s"aning 15 "he s"o'e2 So%%ers, +=::, 3. +9.

In ree*e, or ea%3$e, a %an?s re3u"a"ion is "hrea"ene2 Sai$ios8Ro"hs*hi$, +=9=, 33.<:<=.

Peo3$e ro% "he Uni"e S"a"es an er%an52 Buss, +==;.

The an"hro3o$ogis" Gohn Marsha$ To!nsen2 To!nsen, +==J.

Here is !ha" one !o%an re3or"e2 To!nsen, +==:, 3. +.

As To!nsen *on*$ues2 To!nsen, +==J, 3. +<-.

On a <83oin" s*a$e2 Buss, +=:=1.

In "his s"u5 o J- %en an !o%en2 Sha*/e$or, Buss, ) Benne"", +===.

Ver1a$ re3or"s are reasona1$e sour*es o a"a2 Buss e" a$., +==.



So %5 resear*h *o$$a1ora"ors an I *onu*"e our s"uies2 Buss e" a$., +=== see a$so0ieer%an ) A$$geier, +==-, or s"uies "ha" *onir% "he e'o$u"ionar5 e3$ana"ion !hen 3i""e agains" so*ia$ $earning "heor5 e3$ana"ions.

The5 *on*$ue "ha" *on"rar5 "o "he ou1$e8sho" e3$ana"ion2 0ieer%an ) Kena$$,

+===.

These an si%i$ar se ieren*es ha'e no! 1een re3$i*a"e2 Buun/ e" a$., +==9 or "heS!eish re3$i*a"ion, see 0ieer%an ) Kena$$, +=== or "he 6hinese s"uies, see ear5e" a$., +==J see a$so Mi$$s ) 6a"a$ano""i, +==<, or ano"her e%3iri*a$ reu"a"ion o "heou1$e8sho" h53o"hesis.

I "hin/ "he e'er5a5 /in o @ea$ous52 Viors", +==:, 3. +.

For *o%%i""e ro%an"i* re$a"ionshi3s2 see Bring$e, +==J, or a su%%ar5 o "he e'ien*e.

The e'o$u"ionar5 an"hro3o$ogis" 0i$$ia% Gan/o!ia/2 Gan/o!ia/, Hi$$, ) Dono'an, +==.

One s"u5 oun "ha" ga5 %en2 B$u%s"ein ) S*h!ar", +=:-.

One s"u5 *o%3are ++- ho%oseua$ %en2 Ha!/ins, +==.

Ro1er" Bring$e o Purue Uni'ersi"5 in Iniana3o$is2 Bring$e, +==J.

A "ea% o Du"*h 3s5*ho$ogis"s $e 15 Pie"erne$ Di@/s"ra2 Di@/s"ra e" a$., +==:.

Mi*hae$ Bai$e5 o #or"h!es"ern Uni'ersi"52 Bai$e5 e" a$., +==;.

On Gu$5 -, +<<+, a %an na%e 0er"her2 S*h%i"", +=::.

He see%s "o ha'e $i""$e i$$8hu%or2 oe"he, +=<, 33. =-.

This 3reeren*e oes no" i%inish2 Buss, +==; To!nsen ) >e'5, +== 0ieer%an )A$$geier, +==.

Fur"her%ore, sin*e 'io$en*e has 1een a re*urren" 3ro1$e%2 Buss, +==; E$$is, +==.

Pie"erne$ Di@/s"ra an Bra% Buun/ *onu*"e a s"u52 Di@/s"ra ) Buun/, in 3ress.

To ans!er "his ues"ion, %5 *o$$eagues Gae 6hoe2 Buss e" a$., in 3ress.

One o "he %os" 'i'i e%ons"ra"ions2 #e$son, +==J.

The ua$i"ies o angerous ri'a$s2 #e$son, +==J, 3. :.

6ars an *e$$u$ar 3hones signa$ s"a"us2 #e$son, +==J, 3. :.



>u*/5?s 1a15%o"her ha a gruge ee$ing2 #e$son, +==J, 33. ::.

In Sa%oa, a *u$"ure2 Mea, +=-+.

%ha*ter 9) The Othello Syndrome

>arr5 an his !ie, Susan, ha 1een ha33i$5 %arrie or "hree 5ears2 So%%ers, +=::.

A %an na%e Pau$ 3ur*hase a "ren5 ne! o'er*oa"2 Es/a3a, +=:; *i"e in So%%ers,+=::, 3. +<=.

Her *ase !as sui*ien"$5 in"eres"ing2 6o11, +=<=, 3. J+-.

Mar"ie Hase$"on o "he Uni'ersi"5 o Teas2 Hase$"on ) Buss, in 3ress Hase$"on, Buss, )DeKa5, +==: see a$so S*h$ager, +==J.

To e3$ore @us" ho! un*er"ain 3eo3$e rea$$5 are2 Pau$, Foss, ) a$$o!a5, +==-.

In one s"u5 o Bri"ish %en2 Mou$"on, +=<J.

A 1o5, a %an, on a a"e, is in *o%3e"i"ion2 Van en Berghe, +=<=, 3. +=.

In a sur'e5 o "he so8*a$$e S"anar Sa%3$e2 Broue ) reene, +=<9, 3. ;+<.

Ar%ai$$o $e" his house "o !aner a1ou" "hrough "he !oos2 regor, +=:J, 3. +-:.

These in*$ue#aiyala euti% !hi*h %eans "he 3enis is "ire2 regor, +=:J, 3. +-=.

These are es*ri1e !i"h "he "er% 5apu5ate euti! regor, +=:J, 3. +-=.

One !as ue "o "he $oss o seua$ esire en"ire$52 Vauh/onen, +=9:.

One %an re3or"e2 To ) De!hurs", +=JJ, 3. -<+.

Ano"her *ase in'o$'e a 9:85ear8o$ %an2 Ri*harson, Ma$$o5, ) ra*e, +==+.

As Ge Dia%on, au"hor o "he 1oo/ $ale $enopause% no"e2 Dia%on, uo"e in 0arga,+===, 3. -+J.

The seo$ogis" Kra"8E1ing !as "he irs" "o re3or"2 Kra"8E1ing, +=J.

A s"u5 in +=9: re'ea$e2 Vauh/onen, +=9:.

Pau$ Mu$$en oun in +=:J "ha" on$5 ++ 3er*en" o his sa%3$e o +-: a$*oho$i*s2 Mu$$en) Maa*/, +=:J.



A +==+ s"u5 in er%an5 o =- *ases o e$usiona$ @ea$ous52 So5/a, #a1er, ) Vo$*/er,+==+.

B5 ar "he %os" s5s"e%a"i* s"u52 Shres"ha e" a$., +=:J.

A$*oho$ is *$ear$5 $in/e !i"h 3o"en*5 3ro1$e%s2 0ha$$e5, +=<:.

0o%en %a5 e'e$o3 an a'ersion2 Kra"8E1ing, +=J, 3. J+;.

In one *ase, an aging %an s"ar"e "o 1e*o%e *on*erne2 >ange$", +=9+, 3. --.

His 3s5*hia"ris" !as una1$e "o *on"ain "he %an?s @ea$ous52 Re""ers"o$, +=9<, 3. ==.

Trea"%en" !as unsu**essu$2 >ange$", +=9+, 33. 9<.

The "hera3is" o one *ou3$e2 Re""ers"o$, +=9<, 3. +;.

In %5 s"u5 o +< %arrie *ou3$es2 Buss, +==;.

A re*urren" "hough" a%ong %en2 Shres"ha e" a$., +=:J, 3. :;.

In one *ase, a %arrie %an ;- 5ears o$2 To ) De!hurs", +=JJ, 33. -9<-9:.

Ini'iua$s !ho ier in esira1i$i"52 Ha"ie$, Trau3%ann, ) 0a$s"er, +=<=.

A$"hough "he5 1o"h age *hrono$ogi*a$$5 a" "he sa%e ra"e2 S5%ons, +=<=.

Si%u$"aneous$5, "he %an?s e$e'a"e s"a"us2 Be"ig, +=:9 Buss, +==; Ho$%1erg, +=JS5%ons, +=<=.

As Dona$ S5%ons no"es2 S5%ons, +=<=, 33. -:-=.

0i"h "he a33roa*h o "he %eno3ause2 To ) De!hurs", +=JJ, 3. -<+.

Ano"her !o%an, age ;;2 >ange$", +=9+, 33. --+.

As 6$aire 0arga, au"hor o $enopause and the $ind! 0arga, +===, 3. <.

6onsier "he o$$o!ing *ase o a !o%an2 See%an, +=<=, 3. -J+.

Os*ar 0i$e asser"e2 *i"e in Eno*h ) Tre"ho!an, +=<=, 3. ;9.

In a*", "he "heor5 3rei*"s a *oun"erin"ui"i'e resu$"2 see Ha"ie$ e" a$., +=<= Too15 )6os%ies, +==.



This is es3e*ia$$5 "rue !hen "he hus1an e3erien*es 3roessiona$ su**ess2 Buss, +==;Ho$%1erg, +=J.

As "hera3is" Mar5 See%an no"e2 See%an, +=<=, 3. -J;.

In "hese *ases, !hen ues"ione a1ou" "he seua$ an"asies2 See%an, +=<=, 3. -JJ.

A %arrie *ou3$e ini"ia$$5 !e$$ %a"*he2 Buss, +=:< Buss e" a$., +==.

A$"hough s5s"e%a"i* $arge8s*a$e s"uies o i$$ness an @ea$ous52 Brei"ner ) Anerson,+==;.

Prior "o Par/inson?s isease2 Brei"ner ) Anerson, +==;, 3. <;.

In an*es"ra$ "i%es, a %an?s aging an i$$ hea$"h2 Buss, +==; Buss e" a$., +==.

Those !ho are $o!er in esira1i$i"52 6ri"e$$i ) 0ae, +=: Ha"ie$ e" a$., +=<=Kenri*/, +==; Kenri*/ e" a$., +==- S5%ons, +=<= Thiessen ) regg, +=: Too15 )6os%ies, +== 0hi"e, +=:, +=:+a, +=:+1.

The 3eo3$e !ho 1e$ie'e "ha" "he5 !ere su3erior2 Ha"ie$ e" a$., +=<=.

These *ir*u%s"an*es "rigger2 Too15 ) 6os%ies, +==.

The $ess a""ra*"i'e 3ar"ner, in *on"ras"2 Fran/, +=::.

In one s"u5 o %arrie *ou3$es2 Hansen, +=:J.

S*enario +2 Your %a"e re"urns ro% a 1usiness "ri32 Hansen, +=:J, 3. 9<.

S*enario 2 Your %a"e has e'e$o3e an ongoing e%o"iona$ an seua$ re$a"ionshi32Hansen, +=:J, 3. 9<.

The o'er!he$%ing %a@ori"5 o 'i'i %e%ories2 Thorne, +==:.

In "he %os" e"ai$e s"u5, 3s5*hia"ris"s Gohn Do*her"5 an Gean E$$is2 Do*her"5 ) E$$is,+=<9.

His @ea$ous5 1egan !hen his !ie2 Do*her"5 ) E$$is, +=<9, 3. 9:+.

Ea*h %an ha e'e$o3e a heigh"ene sensi"i'i"52 Mar/s, +=:<.

In one *ase, a %an sho!e a1so$u"e$5 no ini*a"ions2 Mu$$en ) Maa*/, +=:J, 3. ++;.

She ha $e" hi% "!o 5ears ear$ier 1e*ause he !as unai"hu$2 To ) De!hurs", +=JJ, 3.-<.



One s"u5 o -9 agora3ho1i* !o%en e3$ore "his2 Haner, +=<=.

0hen "he "hera3is" re*on"a*"e "he *ou3$e a 5ear $a"er2 Haner, +=<=, 33. ==+.

The "rou1$e s"ar"e !hen he en"ere "hera352 Tur1o"", +=:+.

One %orning, she e$" %ois"ure on his 3enis2 Tur1o"", +=:+, 3. +9<.

A**oring "o Shir$e5 $ass2 Shir$e5 $ass, 3ersona$ *o%%uni*a"ion, Augus" +J, +==:>aura #i"1erg, 3ersona$ *o%%uni*a"ion, +==.

%ha*ter :) (f ( %an,t Have Her /o"ody %an

6oness. You s$e3" !i"h hi%2 Lo$a, +=J94+:= uo"e in Mu$$en, +==, 3. ;.

The irs" *ase is "o$ 15 a !o%an, age +=2 e$$es ) S"rauss, +=::, 3. +-.

In a se*on *ase, "he !ie, *onron"e !i"h 5e" ano"her roun2 0hi"e ) Mu$$en, +=:=, 3. ;.

A $a5 sa! a !o%an in "he s"ree"2 0hi"e ) Mu$$en, +=:=, 3. <.

E'ien*e has 1een *u%u$a"ing or e*aes2 Da$5 e" a$., +=:.

In one in"er'ie! s"u5 o ;; 1a""ere !i'es2 Mi$$er, +=:.

In ano"her s"u5 o +J *ases o !o%en !ho !ere 1a""ere2 Ro5, +=<<.

In a "hir s"u5 o -+ 1a""ere !o%en in hos"e$s an hos3i"a$s2 Rounsa'i$$e, +=<:.

In J< ou" o "he 9 *ases, "he !o%en re3or"e2 Hi$1er%an ) Munson, +=<:, 3. ;9+.

A i"h s"u5 oun "ha" :< ou" o ++ 1a""ere !o%en2 6hur*h, +=:;.

More "han a oen s"uies ha'e ea%ine a"e 'io$en*e2 Sugar%an ) Ho"a$ing, +=:=.

As su%%arie 15 Sugar%an an Ho"e$ing2 Sugar%an ) Ho"a$ing, +=:=, 3. +.

A 3ar"i*u$ar$5 nas"5 hus1an %igh" hi" his !ie2 6hagnon, +==, 3. +;<, i"a$i*s ae.

#4ah/a, a %i$e8age !o%an, !as a""a*/e 15 her hus1an2 Dra3er, +==, 3. J;.

Pau$ Mu$$en o "he Uni'ersi"5 o O"ago2 Mu$$en ) Maa*/, +=:J.

The 3s5*ho$ogis"s Gohn o""%an an #ei$ Ga*o1son2 Ga*o1son ) o""%an, +==:.



In a $arge s"u5 o %ore "han :, 3ar"i*i3an"s2 0i$son ) Da$5, +==9.

The *on"ro'ers5 !as ini"ia"e in +=<:2 S"ein%e", +=<:.

The *on"ro'ers5 igni"e2 e$$es ) S"rauss, +=::, 3. +J.

So%e resear*h on a"e 'io$en*e2 Boo/!a$a e" a$., +==.

0hen he hi"s %e, I re"a$ia"e2 e$$es ) S"rauss, +=::, 3. =.

I /no! "ha" $oo/ he ge"s !hen he ge"s rea5 "o hi" %e2 e$$es ) S"rauss, +=::, 3. =+.

A "hir *ase in'o$'e Fran*ine Hughes2 e$$es ) S"rauss, +=::, 3. +--.

A**oring "o so*io$ogis" R. #. 0hi"ehurs"2 0hi"ehurs", +=<+, 3. 9:9.

As #ei$ Ga*o1son an Gohn o""%an argue2 Ga*o1son ) o""%an, +==:, 33. JJJ9.

As a resu$" o 3a"riar*h5, "he5 *on"inue2 Ga*o1son ) o""%an, +==:, 33. 9:9=.

Da *ou$ ge" rea$$5 %a2 Sa%%ons, +=<:, 3. ;-.

Mos" ue$s s"ar" 1e"!een "!o %en2 6hagnon, +=:-, 3. +<+.

Thousans o %i$es a!a5 ro% "he Yano%a%2 Har" ) Pi$$ing, +=9.

Margo 0i$son an Mar"in Da$5 s3e*u$a"e2 0i$son ) Da$5, +==-a, +==-1.

In a s"u5 o + !o%en a" a she$"er or 1a""ere !o%en2 a5or, +=<J, 3. +=J.

So%e !o%en res3on "o a %an?s 'io$en*e2 0i$son ) Da$5, +==-a, +==-1.

I ha 1een is*ussing "he roo"s o !ie 1a""ering2 0. Li%%er%an, 3ersona$*o%%uni*a"ion, Mar*h 9, +==:.

One s"u5 in"er'ie!e a sa%3$e o 1a""ere !o%en2 Shie$s ) Hanne/e, +=:-.

0hen "he eini"ion is 1roaene2 Gason, Rei*h$er, Eas"on, #ea$ ) 0i$son, +=:;.

A**oring "o a resear*h re'ie!2 T@aen, +==<.

The %os" e"ensi'e s"u5 o %a"e ho%i*ies2 0i$son, Da$5, ) 0righ", +==-.

In a s"u5 o J s3ousa$ ho%i*ies2 6hi%1os, +=<:.

She o"en *a$$e %e a a%ne %u"e?2 6hi%1os, +=<:, 3. J.



Her inie$i"5 rea$$5 1o"here %e2 6hi%1os, +=<:, 3. J.

She !ou$ hu%i$ia"e %e in ron" o o"hers2 6hi%1os, +=<:, 3. J-.

You see, !e !ere a$!a5s arguing a1ou" her e"ra%ari"a$ aairs2 6hi%1os, +=<:, 3. J;.

0e go" %arrie on a Sa"ura52 6hi%1os, +=<:, 33. J;JJ.

Mar"in Da$5 an Margo 0i$son *o%3i$e e'ien*e2 Da$5, 0i$son, ) 0eghors", +=:.

Pe"er 6hi%1os *onu*"e in"ensi'e in"er'ie!s2 6hi%1os, +=<:.

In one s"u5 o *our" re*ors in "he Suan2 >o11an, +=<.

In a s"u5 o Uganan ho%i*ies2 Tanner, +=<.

The %os" e"ensi'e *ross8*u$"ura$ s"u52 Bohannan, +=9.

This is sure$5 an uneres"i%a"e o @ea$ous ho%i*ies2 Da$5, 0i$son, ) 0eghors", +=:.

The se*on %os" e"ensi'e non80es"ern s"u52 Sohier, +=J=.

Men . . . s"ri'e "o *on"ro$ !o%en2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::, 3. J i"a$i*s ae.

The5 e$a1ora"e in a $a"er 3u1$i*a"ion2 0i$son, Da$5, ) Danie$e, +==J i"a$i*s ae.

Bu" so%e"i%es "he 'io$en*e ge"s ou" o han2 0i$son ) Da$5, +==-a, 3. :+.

Goshua Dun"$e5 an I ha'e 3ro3ose2 Buss ) Dun"$e5, +==:, +=== Dun"$e5 ) Buss,+==:, +===.

One Aus"ra$ian %an, !ho /i$$e his !ie2 0a$$a*e, +=:9, 3. +.

In ano"her *ase, an I$$inois %an issue "he o$$o!ing "hrea"2 0i$son ) Da$5, +==-1, 3. -.

As Da$5 an 0i$son no"e2 Da$5, 0i$son, ) 0eghors", +=:, 3. +=.

Ironi*a$$5, 0i$son an Da$5, "he 3ro3onen"s2 0i$son, Da$5, ) 0righ", +==-.

Resear*h *onu*"e in "hree se3ara"e *oun"ries2 0i$son ) Da$5, +==-1.

Here is !ha" one 6hi*ago !o%an e*$are2 0i$son ) Da$5, +==-1, 3. +.

I" is *$ear "ha" "he $a!s on "he 1oo/s2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::.

As Da$5 an 0i$son s"a"e2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::, 33. +=-+=;.



A%ong "he Ya3ese, or ea%3$e2 Mu$$er, +=+<, 3. =.

A**oring "o "he Teas 3ena$ *oe2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::, 3. +=;.

In #e! Mei*o an U"ah un"i$ "he +=<s2 >e Fa'e ) S*o"", +=<.

The /i$$ing o an au$"erous !ie use "o 1e ee%3"2 B$a*/s"one, +:-, 1oo/ ;, 33. +=+ +=.

As one $ega$ s*ho$ar es*ri1e "his no"ion2 E!ars, +=J;, 3. =.

In Da$5 an 0i$son?s s"u5 o s3ousa$ ho%i*ies2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::, 3. 9.

Firs", !o%en usua$$5 !an" %en !ho are on$5 a e! 5ears o$er2 Buss, +=:=a.

A%ong "he s3ousa$ ho%i*ies in Mia%i2 0i$1an/s, +=:;.

The $arges" sa%3$e o s3ousa$ ho%i*ies2 0i$son, Da$5, ) 0righ", +==-.

A is"ur1ing s"a"is"i* a""es"s "o "his *on$i*"2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::.

Da$5 an his *o$$eagues e3$ore "his issue2 Da$5, 0ise%an, ) 0i$son, +==<.

One !o%an !as s$ain ; a5s a"er %o'ing ou"2 Da$5 e" a$., +==<, 3. 9:.

%ha*ter ;) Serets and Lies

On Fe1ruar5 :, +==<, Moni*a >e!ins/5 en"ere "he O'a$ Oi*e2 Newsweek% Se3"e%1er+, +==:, 33. J:9.

Shere Hi"e 3u" "he ra"es as high as < 3er*en"2 Hi"e, +=:< ree$e5, +==+.

One s"u5 !as 3ar"i*u$ar$5 re'ea$ing2 reen, >ee, ) >us"ig, +=<;.

An"hon5 Tho%3son o 0es"ern Aus"ra$ian Ins"i"u"e2 Tho%3son, +=:-.

raha% S3anier, o "he S"a"e Uni'ersi"5 o #e! Yor/2 S3anier ) Margo$is, +=:-.

A re*en" ea%3$e2 Four"h 0o%an A**uses uru? o Se2 =ustin =#erican States#an%Gune -, +===, 3. B.

This is one o %an5 s"uies2 6$ar/ ) Ha"ie$, +=:=.

The @ourna$is" #a"a$ie Angier ues"ions "hese resu$"s2 Angier, +===.

Russe$$ 6$ar/ o "he Uni'ersi"5 o #or"h Teas2 6$ar/, +==.



In one s"u5 15 Ra$3h Gohnson2 Gohnson, +=<.

In a *$assi* o$er s"u5 15 >e!is Ter%an2 Ter%an, +=-:.

er%ans re'ea$ si%i$ar "enen*ies2 Sigus*h ) S*h%i", +=<+.

More re*en" s"uies 15 Da'i 05a"" Sea$2 Sea$, Agos"ine$$i, ) Hanne"", +==;.

As e'o$u"ionar5 3s5*ho$ogis" Dona$ S5%ons2 S5%ons, +=<=, 3. <.

Resear*h *onu*"e in Ga3an, rea" Bri"ain, an "he Uni"e S"a"es2 E$$is ) S5%ons, +==0i$son, +=:<.

Here is one sa%3$e an"as52 Ber/o!i", +==<, 33. +-<+-:.

As Bru*e E$$is an Dona$ S5%ons2 E$$is ) S5%ons, +==, 3. J;;.

6onsier "his seua$ an"as52 Ma$" ) Boss, +==<, 3. -:.

Here is one ro% Bo11i2 Ma$" ) Boss, +==<, 33. <:.

As one !o%an o1ser'e2 Bar*$a5, +=<-, 3. ++.

0hen s"u5ing "he a'ian s3e*ies2 Bur$e5, +=:9a, +=:91.

I" !as as i "he $ess esira1$e 1irs2 Bur$e5, +=:9a, +=:91 Tri'ers, +=:J.

The irs" e'ien*e or "he i%3or"an*e2 Bers*hei, Ha"ie$, ) Bohrns"e", +=<- 0a$s"er,0a$s"er, ) Bers*hei, +=<:.

In a %ore re*en" s"u5 o ne!$5!e *ou3$es2 Buss ) Sha*/e$or, +==<a Sha*/e$or )Buss, +==<1.

These inings ha'e so%e egree o *ross8*u$"ura$ genera$i"52 Prins, Buun/, ) 'anY3eren, +==-.

The sa%e $ogi* a33$ies "o "he "i%e an energ52 A$eaner, +=<=.

To in ou", Da'i 0a5nor"h a" "he Uni'ersi"5 o #e! Mei*o2 0a5nor"h, +===.

Shir$e5 $ass an Tho%as 0righ" e3$ore "he $in/2 $ass ) 0righ", +=:J.

$ass re$a"e "he o$$o!ing in*ien"2 $ass, +==:, 3. -9.

Here is a $is" o reasons2 $ass ) 0righ", +==, 3. -<+.



One ina$ se ieren*e2 Ros*oe, 6a'anaugh, ) Kenne5, +=::.

To ans!er "his ues"ion, To Sha*/e$or an I2 Buss ) Sha*/e$or, +==<a.

Peo3$e high on nar*issis%2 Buss ) 6hioo, +==+.

oo 1eha'iora$ %ar/ers o nar*issis% in*$ue2 Buss ) 6hioo, +==+.

#ar*issis% 3ro'e high$5 $in/e !i"h sus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o inie$i"52 Sha*/e$or ) Buss,+==<a.

The 3s5*ho"i*is% s*a$e is so%e"hing o a %isno%er2 E5sen*/ ) E5sen*/, +=<J.

On "he 3osi"i'e sie, e%o"iona$$5 uns"a1$e 3ersons2 Barron, +=9- Konner, +==.

0hen e%o"iona$ ins"a1i$i"5 is $in/e !i"h ano"her 3ersona$i"5 *hara*"eris"i*2 Buss, +==+.

In +==<, To Sha*/e$or an I e3$ore an arra52 Sha*/e$or ) Buss, +==<a.

0or$!ie, inie$i"5 is "he $eaing *ause o i'or*e2 Be"ig, +=:=.

In s"uies o 0es"ern *u$"ures2 Hun", +=<; Ke$$5 ) 6on$e5, +=:< >e'inger, +=<9.

As 3ar" o "he s"u5 o +< %arrie *ou3$es2 Sha*/e$or ) Buss, +==<a.

Ear$5 in "he s"u5, ea*h 3erson2 E$$is, +==<.

These a5s, "here are %an5 un*er"ain"ies2 0hi"e ) Boo"h, +==+.

%ha*ter <) Why Women Have Affairs

As no"e 15 "he e%inis" e'o$u"ionar5 Sarah Hr52 Hr5, +=:+.

0o%en ha'e e'o$'e *on*ea$e or *r53"i* o'u$a"ion2 Ba/er ) Be$$is, +==J.

The $ogi* o "he %a"ing %ar/e" i*"a"es2 Buss, +==; S5%ons, +=<= 0righ", +==;.

S"e'e anges"a an Ran5 Thornhi$$ 3ro3ose one ans!er2 anges"a ) Thornhi$$,

+==<.

Firs", s5%%e"r5 signa$s e'e$o3%en"a$ s"a1i$i"52 anges"a ) Thornhi$$, +==<.

As Pa%e$a es Barres o1ser'e2 es Barres, +=:<.

I%agine "ha" 5ou are on a *a%3ing "ri32 Orians ) Heer!agen, +==.



One so$u"ion "o a$$ "hese 3ro1$e%s2 Fisher, +== rei$ing, +==J rei$ing ) Buss, in 3ress S%i"h, +=:;.

6u$"i'a"ing a 1a*/u3 %a"e 3ro'ies se*uri"52 Buss, +==; Fisher, +== Hr5, +=:+S%i"h, +=:; S%u"s, +=:J Hi$$ ) Hur"ao, +==9.

As "he 1io$ogis" Ro1er" S%i"h no"es2 S%i"h, +=:;, 3. 9+-.

The a%ous an"hro3o$ogis" Margare" Mea2 Fisher, +==, 3. +J=.

These "!o ane*o"es, o *ourse, o no" a u32 Buss ) S*h%i"", +==-.

A**oring "o He$en Fisher, se'era$ an*es"ra$ *oni"ions2 Fisher, +==.

There are se'era$ o"her *ir*u%s"an*es2 Be"ig, +=:= Buss, +==; S%i"h, +=:;.

Her regu$ar %a"e %igh" ha'e 1e*o%e2 Buss, +=:=1.

One %oern !o%an es*ri1e her aair in "hese "er%s2 A"!a"er, +=:, 3. <J.

So%e hus1ans 1e*o%e s$a*/ers o'er "i%e2 Be"ig, +=:=.

He *ou$ 3ro'e iner"i$e2 S%i"h, +=:;.

Our s"uies o !o%en?s 3er*e3"ions2 rei$ing ) Buss, in 3ress.

The aair, 15 1oos"ing a !o%an?s se$8es"ee%2 Thornhi$$, +==.

Yes, i" 1ui$" u3 %5 *onien*e2 A"!a"er, +=:, 3. +;-.

I "hin/ I?% %ore sure o %5se$2 A"!a"er, +=:, 3. +;;.

A"er in"er'ie!ing J !o%en !ho !ere ha'ing aairs2 A"!a"er, +=:, 3. +;;.

One !o%an re3or"e2 A"!a"er, +=:, 3. +;J.

Our %ore s5s"e%a"i* s"uies2 rei$ing ) Buss, in 3ress.

Oh, 6hris", I *ou$ !ri"e a 1oo/C2 A"!a"er, +=:, 3. ++.

Seua$$5 i" !as rea$$5 grea" or %e2 A"!a"er, +=:, 3. +++.

Our seua$ re$a"ionshi3 is "o"a$$5 ieren"2 A"!a"er, +=:, 33. +=++.

0hen !e as/e !o%en "o e'a$ua"e !hi*h *ir*u%s"an*es2 rei$ing ) Buss, in 3ress.



S3er% *o%3e"i"ion o**urs2 Ba/er ) Be$$is, +==J.

A'eraging a*ross a hanu$ o s"uies2 Ba/er, +==< S%i"h, +=:;.

Re*en" !or/, ho!e'er, has o*use2 Ba/er, +==<.

To ans!er "hese ues"ions, Heii rei$ing an I *on"ras"e !o%en2 rei$ing ) Buss, in 3ress.

As >aura Be"ig o*u%en"e2 Be"ig, +=:=.

In one s"u5 o + 1a""ere !o%en2 a5or, +=<J, 3. +=J.

6hi$ren !i"hou" an in'es"ing a"her2 Hi$$ ) Hur"ao, +==9.

In so%e Mei"erranean *u$"ures2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::.

0e o"en 1ase our e'a$ua"ions o ourse$'es2 >ear5 ) Do!ns, +==J >ear5 e" a$., in 3resssee a$so Kir/3a"ri*/ ) E$$is, in 3ress, or is*ussions o "he e'o$u"ionar5 un*"ions ose$8es"ee%.

The en resu$" is2 Thornhi$$, +==.

As Ro1er" Fran/ o 6orne$$ Uni'ersi"5 o1ser'es2 Fran/, +=::, 3. +=:.

M5 s"u5 *on*erning "he 3s5*ho$og5 o re3u"a"ion in Li%1a1!e2 Buss, +==J1.

%ha*ter =) %o*ing Strategies

Gona"han use ie$ g$asses2 To ) De!hurs", +=JJ, 3. -9=.

In Bar1aos2 >a!son, +=::.

She sa" on her ri'a$?s s"airs2 >a!son, +=::, 3. :+.

The *en"ra$ *o3ing issue2 Pines, +==:.

So%e resear*hers2 Sa$o'e5 ) Roin, +=::.

An so%e 'ie! 'io$en" e3ressions o @ea$ous52 Sa$o'e5 ) Roin, +=::, 3. -+.

In a *ha3"er in "he'linical "and0ook of 'ouple Therapy! Pi""%an ) 0agers, +==J, 3.=<.

In one *ase, a %an *ou$ no" e*ie2 Pi""%an ) 0agers, +==J, 3. -=.



The "riang$e %ee"ing ha 1een 3$anne2 Pi""%an ) 0agers, +==J, 3. -=.

He e3$aine "o his !ie2 Pi""%an ) 0agers, +==J, 3. -++.

In one *ase, a %an iagnose as irra"iona$$5 @ea$ous2 0hi"e ) Mu$$en, +=:=, 3. J+.

For "he irs" oense2 Man"egaa, +=-J, 3. +=J.

A%ong "he Baiga2 E$!in, +=-=.

A%ong "he 6u%ae in 6a%3agna2 Man"egaa, +=-J, 3. ;.

In #or"h A%eri*an Inian "ri1es2 Man"egaa, +=-J.

Throughou" "he en"ire !or$2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::.

A%ong "he Ya3 in "he Mi*ronesian is$ans2 Hun" e" a$., +=;=.

In 'arious grou3s in Ari*a2 Borgerho Mu$er, +=::.

A**oring "o one 3assage2 #u%. J2++:, uo"e in Har"ung (n..&.

6$i"orie*"o%5 is in$i*"e2 0a$/er ) Par%ar, +==-.

A%ong %5 3eo3$e, gir$s are no" e*ise2 0a$/er ) Par%ar, +==-, 33. J:J=.

Fren*h $a! %ae i" a *ri%e2 Da$5 ) 0i$son, +=::.

Our s"uies o a"ing an %arrie *ou3$es2 Buss, +=::1 Buss ) Sha*/e$or, +==<1.

Go5*e She""e$8#eu1er an her *o$$eagues2 She""e$8#eu1er, Br5son, ) Young, +=<:.

In a o$$o!8u3 s"u5 o "his ne!$5!e sa%3$e2 Buss ) Sha*/e$or, +==<1.

In one *ase, a !o%an !ho ha 1een %arrie2 ro$, +=<, 3. +-.

E'er5 !o%an *ause her "o !oner2 ro$, +=<, 3. +-.

A$$ o "hese $o'e a*"s2 Buss, +=::a.

A**oring "o e'o$u"ionar5 "heoris" Pau$ i$1er"2 i$1er", +=:=.

I" !or/s in 3ar" 1e*ause *r5ing2 Too15 ) 6os%ies, +==9.

In a s"u5 o -J+ ini'iua$s in Dunein2 Mu$$en ) Mar"in, +==;.



The 3s5*ho$ogis"s Pe"er Sa$o'e5 an Gui"h Roin2 Sa$o'e5 ) Roin, +=::.

I" 1e*o%es a$$ "he %ore 3u$ing2 Shar3s"een ) S*h%a$, +=::.

A" "his s"age in "he *o8e'o$u"ionar5 ar%s ra*e2 Too15 ) 6os%ies, +==.

In our s"uies o %a"e re"en"ion "a*"i*s2 Buss, +=::1 Buss ) Sha*/e$or, +==<1.

0hi"e as/e %en an !o%en2 0hi"e, +=:.

I su33ressing one?s o!n @ea$ous52 Buss ) Deen, +==.

Then "he5 e'a$ua"e "heir o!n s"aning2 S*h%i"", +=::.

A"er ra"ing "heir 3ar"ner?s 3reeren*es2 S*h%i"", +=::, 3. -<<.

This in"er3re"a"ion is enorse2 0hi"e ) Mu$$en, +=:=, 3. J.

Bu" "he irs" *oiie 'ersion2 E**$us. :2+<.

The 3s5*ho$ogis"s oron A$$3or" an >eo Pos"%an2 A$$3or" ) Pos"%an, +=;<, 3. -+;.

>isa Deen, Da'i S*h%i"", an I "es"e "his iea2 Buss ) Deen, +== S*h%"" )Buss, +==9.

Sin*e %en?s so*ia$ s"a"us is hea'i$5 ae*"e2 Buss, +==J1.

Our a*"ua$ 3er*e3"ions o a 3erson?s 1eau"52 raiano e" a$., +==-.

These "a*"i*s a*uire "heir ee*"i'eness2 Buss e" a$., +==.

One o Br5son?s e%a$e res3onen"s sai2 Br5son, +==+, 3. .

The 3ro@e*" !as *on"inue a"er argu%en"s2 Da!/ins, +=:, 3. ;:.

Ye" 3s5*ho$ogis"s ha'e o*u%en"e2 T'ers/5 ) Kahne%an, +=<;.

I" "urns ou" "ha" e'en igger !as3s2 Da!/ins, +=:.

0hen Ge Br5son s"uie a !ie 'arie"5 o res3onses2 Br5son, +==+.

%ha*ter >) Emotional Wisdom

In +=-+, Margare" Mea is3arage @ea$ous52 Mea, +=-+, 3. -J-9.

Ka"h5 >a1rio$a, a $eaing a'o*a"e o 3o$5a%or52 >a1rio$a, +===, 3. +.



So*ia$ s*ien"is" Gan 0agner enoun*es @ea$ous52 0agner, +=<9.

E'en Len Buhis"s argue2 6$an"on ) S%i"h, +==:, 3. +<: Orage, n.., 3. +<+=.

The hus1an, a 3h5si*ian in his %i8or"ies2 Pines, +==:, 33. +=++=.

A$$ "hese 3u$ing 3heno%ena2 Laha'i, +=<< Laha'i ) Laha'i, +==<.

A**ura"e e'a$ua"ion o a 3ar"ner?s 3s5*ho$ogi*a$ in'o$'e%en"2 Laha'i ) Laha'i, +==<.

Ph5si*a$ a33earan*e *an *hange2 Buss, +=== S5%ons, +==J.

The on$5 !a5 "o o1"ain re$ia1$e inor%a"ion2 Laha'i ) Laha'i, +==<, 3. ++.

In so%e s3e*ies o 1irs2 Laha'i ) Laha'i, +==<.

Ho! o !e go a1ou" "his e$i*a"e "as/2 Resear*h has 1are$5 1egun on "his "o3i*, 1u" a'arie"5 o resear*h 3ro@e*"s are uner !a5 an ha'e $e "o so%e 3re$i%inar5 ans!ers. SeeFrie%an, B$es/e, ) Buss, in 3rogress Too/e, 6$ine, ) Dai$e5, +==-.

I 5ou ha'e one an5 o "hese "hings2 Shee"s, Freena$$, ) 6$a53oo$, +==< Too/e e" a$.,+==-. In"en"iona$ e'o*a"ion o @ea$ous5, ho!e'er, oes no" ne*essari$5 i%3$5 *ons*iousin"en" o"en 3eo3$e are una!are o "he s"ra"egi* un*"ions o "heir 1eha'ior.

In one s"u52 0hi"e, +=:.

The5 oun s"rong se ieren*es2 Too/e e" a$., +==<.

An"onia A11e5 o 0a5ne S"a"e Uni'ersi"52 A11e5, +=:.

Mar"ie Hase$"on an I ha'e $a1e$e2 Hase$"on ) Buss, in 3ress.

regor5 0hi"e *onu*"e an in8e3"h2 0hi"e, +=:.

For"5 3er*en" o "he !o%en2 0hi"e, +=:.

regor5 0hi"e *onir%e "his *on*$usion2 0hi"e, +=:.

Virgi$ Shee"s an his *o$$eagues2 Shee"s e" a$., +==<.

A"er 1e*o%ing @ea$ous2 Shee"s e" a$., +==<, 3. -=;.

Ins3iring e*essi'e @ea$ous52 Shee"s e" a$., +==<.

6onsier one %an?s re3or"2 Fis*her, +===, 3. J9.



>e"?s *a$$ hi% oa"ee Bo52 Fis*her, +===, 3. J9.

Or *onsier "he *ase o Ben an S"a*52 Pines, +==:.

You hur" %e %ore "han an5 o"her !o%an2 Pines, +==:, 3. ;.

0hen !e %ae $o'e a"er!ar2 Pines, +==:, 3. ;.

The 3assiona"e na"ure o "he se2 Ba/er ) Be$$is, +==J.

In one s"u5, Mar5 See%an oun2 See%an, +=<=, 3. -J:.

One !o%an in See%an?s s"u52 See%an, +=<=, 3. -J=.

The grea" Russian !ri"er To$s"oi2 To$s"oi, +=9, 3. +<<.

One "es"a%en" "o "he uni'ersa$i"5 o $o'e2 Gan/o!ia/, +==J.

Tai"a !o%en in a*" 3reer2 Gan/o!ia/, +==J.

Susan S3re*her o I$$inois S"a"e Uni'ersi"52 S3re*her e" a$., +==;.

The %os" 3$ausi1$e "heor52 Fran/, +=:: Pin/er, +==<.

Gea$ous5 is one o "he %os" *o%%on$5 oun *orre$a"es2 Ma"hes, +==+.

6onsier !hi*h o "he o$$o!ing s*enarios2 Ma"hes, +==+, 33. =-=;.

In %5 s"uies2 Buss, +=::1.

A**oring "o A5a$a Pines2 Pines, +==:, 33. J9.

As @ourna$is" Gui"h Viors" no"e2 Viors", +==:, 3. +=.

On "hose a5s !hen I ha33en "o 1e ee$ing %a"ure2 Viors", +==:, 3. ;.



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Aa3"a"ionsError Manage%en" Theor5 oninie$i"5 as'io$en*e as

Aa3"i'e 1ias

Aa3"i'e errors

Aairs. See Inie$i"5

Ari*a

Ageesira1i$i"5 an%a"e ho%i*ie ans"a$/ing an

Agora3ho1ia

A$*oho$ in"oi*a"ion

A$eanra, 6arina

A$$3or", oron

A%%assa$i/ Es/i%os

Anger

Angier, #a"a$ie

An"igua ua"e%a$ans

A33earan*e.See alsoA""ra*"i'eness



Ara1ia

Ar%ai$$o an "he Foo"3rin", The(s"or5&

Arnha%, #e"her$ans

A""ra*"i'eness.See alsoA33earan*e

A"!a"er, >5nn

Augus"ine, S".

Aus"ra$ia

Aus"ria

A"e*s

Baiga

Bai$e5, Mi*hae$

Ba/er, Ro1in

Bar/in, E$$en

Ba""ere Hus1an S5nro%e, The(S"ein%e"&

Ba""ere !o%en, 9<, +J.See also

Vio$en*e

+east in $an% The(Lo$a&

Be$gian 6ongo

Be$$is, Mar/

Be"ig, >aura

Bhugra, Dinesh



Birs

+lood Si#ple(i$%&

Bon, "es"ing o

Brai$

Brea"h %agi*

Brie83ri*e

Bring$e, Ro1er"

Br5son, Ge

Bue

Bur$e5, #an*5

Buun/, Bra%

6age, #i*ho$as

6a$ahona, S3ain

6anaa

6a3i"a$is%

6asua$ se

6hagnon, #a3o$eon

6hi*ago, I$$inois

6hi$ren

6hi%1os, Pe"er

6hi%3anees

6hina



6hoe, Gae

6$an"on, oron

6$ar/, Russe$$

'linical "and0ook of 'ouple Therapy(Pi""%an an 0agers&

6$ini*a$ "rea"%en" o @ea$ous5

6$in"on, Bi$$

6$in"on, Hi$$ar5

6$i"orie*"o%5

6o8e'o$u"ione%a$e inie$i"5 angui$" an

6ogni"i'e re*ons"rua$

6o%%i"%en"*o8e'o$u"ion o $o'e an"es"ing

6o%3e"i"ion

6on*ea$e o'u$a"ion

6on*ea$%en"

6on*ore Fa$$a*5

6ons*ien"iousness, $a*/ o

6o3ing s"ra"egies*$ini*a$ "rea"%en"*u$"ura$$5 3res*ri1eenia$eroga"ion o *o%3e"i"orse%o"iona$ %ani3u$a"ione'o/ing @ea$ous5.See E'o/ing @ea$ous5$o5a$"5





Deroga"ion o *o%3e"i"ors

es Barres, Pa%e$a

escent of $an(Dar!in&

Desira1i$i"5, ieren*es inO"he$$o s5nro%e an

DeS"eno, Da'i

De"roi", Mi*higan

De'e$o3%en"a$ s"a1i$i"5

Dia%on, Ge

Di@/s"ra, Pie"erne$

Di%inishing re"urns, 3rin*i3$e o

Di'or*einie$i"5 anseua$ issa"isa*"ion an

D#A inger3rin"ing

Do*her"5, Gohn

Do%inan" ri'a$s

Dou1$e sho" o inie$i"5

Dou1$e s"anar

Doug$as, Mi*hae$

Dunein, #e! Lea$an

Dun"$e5, Goshua

Egg ge""ers

E$$is, Bru*e



E$$is, Gean

E%o"iona$ isengage%en"

E%o"iona$ inie$i"5

*ues "oou1$e sho" "heor5 o in ho%oseua$ re$a"ionshi3sSo3hie?s *hoi*e o

E%o"iona$ ins"a1i$i"5

E%o"iona$i"5

E%o"iona$ %ani3u$a"ion

E%o"iona$ sa"isa*"ion

E%o"iona$ !iso%

E%o"ions

En'5

Ere*"i$e 5sun*"ion

Eri"rea

Error Manage%en" Theor5 (EMT&

Es"rus

E"erna$ "riang$e

E'o/ing @ea$ous5 1enei"s o

E'o$u"ion.See also 6o8e'o$u"ion

o *on$i*" 1e"!een "he seese%o"iona$ inie$i"5 anError Manage%en" Theor5 one%a$e inie$i"5 ano gui$"o $o'e%a"e ho%i*ie an 3ro%is*ui"5 an



o s3er% *o%3e"i"ion"raing u3 an

Evolution of esire! Strategies of "u#an $ating (Buss&

E'o$'e Ho%i*ie Mou$e Theor5

(atal =ttraction(i$%&

(ear of (lying (Gong&

Fears

Fe%a$e inie$i"5ini'iua$ ieren*es inas %a"e insuran*e 3ersona$i"5 "rai"s anreasons or a'oiingseua$ gra"ii*a"ion anse5 sons ans5%%e"r5 an"raing u3 an

Fer"i$i"5

Fisher, He$en

F$o!1a*/

F$o!ers, Gennier

Fona, Brige"

Fos"er, Goie

Fran*e

Fran/, Ro1er"

Fua



anges"a, S"e'e

ear5, Da'i

e$$es, Ri*har

enes, 3ursui" o su3erior

eni"a$ %u"i$a"ion

er%an5

i$1er", Pau$

isu

$ass, Shir$e5

$ose, $enn

o""%an, Gohn

raha%, Da'i

ra5, Gohn

rea" Bri"ain

ree*e

ree$e5, Anre!

rei$ing, Heii

ua%

ua"e%a$an Inians

uerrero, >. K.

ui$"

Ha%i$"on, On"ario



"a#let (Sha/es3eare&

Hansen, ar5

Hasega!a, Mari/o

Hasega!a, Toshi/au

Hase$"on, Mar"ie

Ha"ie$, E$aine

Hea$"h

Hesse, Her%an

Hin*/$e5, Gohn 0.

Hi"e, Shere

Ho%oseua$ re$a"ionshi3s

Ho3i Inians

Hos"i$e or*es o na"ure

Ho"e$ing, . T.

Hous"on, Teas

Hr5, Sarah

Hughes, Fran*ine

Hughes, Ga%es

Hungar5

Hu3/a, Ra$3h

I%3o"en*e. See Ere*"i$e 5sun*"ion

I8# with the +and! 'onfessions of a ?roupie

(es Barres&



In*as

Inonesia

Iner"i$i"5

Ini1u$a"ion

Inie$i"5.See also 6o3ings"ra"egies E%o"iona$ inie$i"5Fe%a$e inie$i"5 O"he$$os5nro%e Seua$ inie$i"5Vio$en*e*ues "oeense %e*hanis%s anesira1i$i"5 ieren*es an

is*o'er5 o ou1$e sho" o e%o"iona$ an seua$ sa"isa*"ion an,e'o$u"ion an 3ersona$i"5 an 3re'a$en*e o 3rin*i3$e o i%inishing re"urns anre3u"a"ion ansigna$ e"e*"ion ans3ousa$ 1eha'ior ansus*e3"i1i$i"5 "o

Inor%a"ion 3ro*essing 3ro*eures

In3u"

Ira

Ire$an

Israe$

It 'ould "appen to You(i$%&

Ga*o1son, #ei$

Ga%ai*a



Gan/o!ia/, 0i$$ia%

Ga3an

Gea$ous5 3arao

Gohnson, Ra$3h

Gones, Arianne

Gong, Eri*a

Kagan, Gero%e

Ka%i/ae s3er%

Kena$$, Eri*a

Kings"on, Ga%ai*a

Kinse5, A$re

Ki3$ing, Ru5ar

Ki3sigis

Ki"inger, 6.

Korea

Kra"8E1ing, Ri*har 'on

>reut6er Sonata(To$s"oi&

C Kung San

>a1rio$a, Ka"h5

Laughter in the ark (#a1o/o'&

>e""er%an, Da'i



>e!ins/5, Moni*a

>o'ee'o$u"ion o uni'ersa$i"5 o

unreui"e

>o'e1ug

>o'e"", >5$e

>o5a$"5

>uo

>u5ia

Ma$a5sia

Ma$e %eno3ause

$ale $enopause(Dia%on&

Man"egaa, Pao$o

Margo$is, Ranie

Mar"in, G.

Ma"e ho%i*iee'o$u"ionar5 e3$ana"ion or an"asies o $a!s a1ou"!o%en %os" 'u$nera1$e "o

Ma"e insuran*e

Ma"e 3reeren*es

Ma"e 'a$ue.See alsoDesira1i$i"5, ieren*es in

Ma"hes, Eugene



Ma"ing eor"

Ma"ing s"ra"egies%ie

Ma5ans

Ma58De*e%1er %arriages

Mea, Margare"

Meaning o @ea$ous5

Mei"erranean *u$"ures

Mehina/u

Men.See Se ieren*es

Meno3ause%a$e

$enopause and the $ind (0arga&

Mei*o

Mie %a"ing s"ra"egies

Monoga%5

Mon"an, Y'es

Mor%ons

Mor3hs

Mu$$en, Pau$

Murer. See Ma"e ho%i*ie

M5"hs a1ou" @ea$ous5

#a1o/o', V$ai%ir



#ar*issis%

#a"iona$ Ins"i"u"e o Gus"i*e

#a"ura$ se$e*"ion

#e"her$ans

#e! Mei*o

#e! Sou"h 0a$es, Aus"ra$ia

#i*ho$as, 6ar

#5oro

Oneia So*ie"5

O3en %arriage

O33or"uni"5 *os"s

Orgas%, e%a$e

2thello(Sha/es3eare&

O"he$$o s5nro%ea$*oho$ in"oi*a"ion anesira1i$i"5 ieren*es anis*o'er5 o inie$i"5 anere*"i$e 5sun*"ion anError Manage%en" Theor5 ons5%1io"i* 3a"ho$og5 in!o%en?s e*$ining seua$ esire an!o%en?s seua$ issa"isa*"ion an

Ou"3u"

O'u$a"ion

Pa"erni"5, un*er"ain



Pa"ho$ogi*a$ @ea$ous5.See also

O"he$$o s5nro%e

Pa"riar*h5

Pau$, >u*i

Pea*o*/s

Pere, Rosie

Persona$i"5 "rai"s

Phero%ones

Pines, A5a$a

Pin/er, S"e'en

Pi""%an, Fran/

Po$an

Po$5a%or5

Po$5g5n5

Pos"%an, >eo

Po!e$$, D.

Pre%a"ure e@a*u$a"ion

Progressi'e re$aa"ion

Pro%is*ui"5

Ps5*ho$ogi*a$ *o3ing s"ra"egies

&sychology Todays"u5

Ps5*ho"i*is%

Nuarre$so%eness



Ra3e

Ra"iona$i"5

Reagan, Rona$

Reasona1$e %an s"anar

Rei"er, R. >.

Re$a"i'e Eor" S*a$e

Re3rou*"i'e su**essinie$i"5 as "hrea" "o

%a"e ho%i*ie an 3ro%is*ui"5 ans"e3*hi$ren an

Re3u"a"ion

Resour*esa33or"ion%en" o enigra"ion o is3$a5 o

Res"raining orers

Re"ri1u"ion

Re""ers"o$, #i$s

Re'enge

Ring o'es

Ri'a$s

o%inan" @ea$ous5 a1ou" in Ga%ai*a @ea$ous5 a1ou" in Korea an U.S. @ea$ous5 a1ou" in #e"her$ans

Roin, Gui"h

Russia



Sa$o'e5, Pe"er

Sa%oa

San An"onio

S*h%i"", Da'i

S*o"$an

Sea$, Da'i 05a""

See%an, Mar5

Se$81o$s"ering

Se$8enhan*e%en"

Se$8es"ee%eroga"ion o *o%3e"i"ors ane'o/ing @ea$ous5 ane%a$e inie$i"5 an

Se$8re$ian*e

Se3ara"ion anie"5

Se ieren*es.See also 0o%enin a!areness o inie$i"5*on$i*" anin eroga"ion o *o%3e"i"orsin esira1i$i"5 *ri"eriain esire or 'arie"5 o seua$ 3ar"nersin e%o"iona$ 's. seua$ inie$i"5in Error Manage%en" Theor5in e'o/ing @ea$ous5

in inie$i"5in @ea$ous5in @ea$ous5 e3isoesin %a"e ho%i*iein %a"e 3reeren*esin 3ro%is*ui"5ri'a$ e3$ana"ions or in seua$ an"asies



Sex ifferences and Si#ilarities in

'o##unication(uerrero anRei"er&

Seiness

Seua$ aggression

Seua$ esire, e*$ine in

Seua$ issa"isa*"ion

Seua$ an"asies

Seua$ gra"ii*a"ion

Seua$ inie$i"5*ues "oou1$e sho" "heor5 o in ho%oseua$ re$a"ionshi3sSo3hie?s *hoi*e o

Seua$$5 "rans%i""e iseases

Seua$ 3assion, igni"ing

Sexual )elations of $ankind% The

(Man"egaa&

Seua$ sa"isa*"ion

Se5 sons

Sha*/e$or, To

Sha/ers

Sha/es3eare, 0i$$ia%

Shar3s"een, Don

Shee"s, Virgi$

She""e$8#eu1er, Go5*e

Shor"8"er% seua$ s"ra"egies



Signa$s.See also Error Manage%en"Theor5 (EMT&e"e*"ion 3ro1$e% ansensi"i'i"5 "o

Si%3son, #i*o$e Bro!n

Si%3son, O. G.

S$i38u3 h53o"hesis

S%e$$

S%i"h, Ro1er"

So*ia$ *ons"ru*"ion "heor5 o @ea$ous5

So*ia$ia"ion

So*io3a"h5

So*ioseua$ Orien"a"ion In'en"or5

Soga

So/o$o, Boris

Sophie8s 'hoice(i$%&

So3hie?s *hoi*e o @ea$ous5

So'ie" Union

S3anier, raha%

S3er% *o%3e"i"ion

S3er% re"en"ion

S3re*her, Susan

S"a$/ing

S"anar Sa%3$e

S"a"e, @ea$ous5 as



S"ein%e", Suanne

S"e/e$, 0.

S"e3*hi$ren

S"ra"egi* in"ereren*e

S"rauss, Murra5

S"ree3, Mer5$

Suan

Sugar%an, D. B.

Su33ressing @ea$ous5

S!een

S5%%e"r5

S5%ons, Dona$

S5s"e%a"i* esensi"ia"ion

Tai"a

Ter%an, >e!is

Teas

Tho%3son, An"hon5

Thorne, A'ri$

Thornhi$$, Ran5

Ti'

Ti!i

To$s"oi, >eo



Too/e, 0i$$ia%

To!nsen, Gohn Marsha$

Traing u3

Trans5$'ania

Ugana

Uni"e S"a"ese%o"iona$ an seua$ inie$i"5 in @ea$ous5 a1ou" ri'a$s in$o'e in

%a"e ho%i*ie inse ieren*es inseua$ an"asies in

U3i/e, Gohn

U"ah

Van en Berghe, Pierre

Viagra

Vi*"oria, Nueen

Vigi$an*e

Vio$en*e.See alsoMa"e ho%i*ieaa3"i'eness o e3$ana"ions o

range o in@uries *ause 15ris/ o in !o%en

Viors", Gui"h



0agner, Gan

0a$/er, A$i*e

0arga, 6$aire

0ashing"on, Dene$

0a5nor"h, Da'i

0es", Mae

0es"ern Be$ie

0hi"e, regor5

0hi"ehurs", R. #.

0ieer%an, Mi*hae$

0i$e, Os*ar

0i$son, Margo

0o%en.See also Fe%a$e inie$i"5 Seieren*ese'o/ing @ea$ous5 an

%a"e 3reeren*es inseua$ esire e*$ine inseua$ issa"isa*"ion ins"a$/ing an'io$en*e in'u$nera1i$i"5 "o %a"e ho%i*ie

0righ", Tho%as

Yano%a%

Ya3

Ya3ese

Yugos$a'ia



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The Dangerous Passion

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