The El Randomian Grimoire

8/14/2019 The El Randomian Grimoire

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The El Randomian Grimoire

This is a grimoire, a book of magic. Usually, grimoires from ancient times were employed to call upon

celestial spirits and fiends from the underworld. This grimoire is different. It is a modern grimoire fill

with instructions on how to call upon the quirkiest and most unusual gods ever to have emerged from thsurreal world of El Randomia. The deities and spirits of El Randomia are here. Everybody is welcome

to practice the secrets in this book.

NALUK LA MODO ALTULAYT

Achreus the Slackermage

Table of Contents

An Introduction to El Randomia

- Deities and Other Denizens of El Randomia

The Spells

A. The Holy ThreeB. The Incantations

- The Power Cosmos Opening Invocation

- To Attract Money and Prosperity- To Bring Success

- Protection From Evil

- To Obtain Justice- To Fight Crime and Punish Evil

- For Acquiring Power Over Others

- For Protection of The Home Against Unwanted Intruders

- To Bind and Curse Ones Enemies- To Exorcise Evil Spirits

- To Dismiss The Terrible Twins

- To Gain Knowledge in Malevolent Magic- To Curse Your Enemies with Mister Chappy

- For Guidance through The Afterlife

- For Happiness and Successful Merry-making

- To Become One with Nature- For Inspiration

- To Attract Romantic Love

- To Attract a Specific Person- To Make Men or Women Lust for You

- To Beautify Ones Self

- Any Other Concerns Regarding Romantic Love- To Gain Secret Knowledge


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- For Peace of Mind

- For A Safe and Trouble-Free Trouble Travel

- For Health- The Power Cosmos Invocation for General Purposes

El Randomian God Offering Table

C. The El Randomian Entrance Ritual

An Introduction to El Randomia

Lo and behold the bizarre world of El Randomia! Due to its eccentricities and

anachronisms, it is called the Surreal World. Here are its most prominent regions.

1. Achreopolis: the capital kingdom and home of the El Randomian gods. The commonersare minor magical creatures and beings. This kingdom is surrounded by the Whacklands.

2. The Whacklands: Homeland of the Whacklanders, a race of humanoids with inanimate

objects (like clocks, shoes, etc.) for heads. Whacklander villages are scattered throughout

this land.

3. The Black Desert of Badong: Beyond the outskirts of the Whacklands is the vast and

desolate desert of Badong where the sands are as black as coal. Although crime is a rarityin El Randomia, grave offenders are sentenced to exile in the Desert of Badong. Wild

beasts, monsters and savage people called the Nub-Sabogs are the predominant dwellers

here.

El Randomia is a fantasy world of infinite mystical energies. The ancient words of El

Randomia are pretty potent thus forming the basis of El Randomian magic. El Randomia

may or may not be real. It could be a separate reality or could be an analogy to the innerworld of the human mind. Whatever the case, the spells in this book are effective. If not,

may lightning strike you down.

Just kidding.

Deities and other Denizens of El Randomia


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Name: Dude X. Machina

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Dude

Description: A Caucasian man with unkempt dark blonde hair, sunglasses and dressed in a

black Chinese outfit. He knows every form of empty hand combat.

Personality: Strong and silent type. However, when he talks everyone listens.

Domains: heroism, martial arts, resurrection, the sun, power

Likes: martial arts, ramen

Dislikes: suffering of the innocent

Function: Deals with protection, power, removal of big obstacles and overcoming greatdifficulties. Dudes probably the most powerful god in the El Randomian Pantheon.

Background: Background: Dude X. Machina was a Randulan (human) mortal empowered

by the El Randomian sun and highly skilled in martial arts. It was he who destroyed the

Dark Lord, a malevolent being who almost destroyed the entire world of El Randomia.After dying in the epic battle, he came back to life and attained godhood. Using his divine

powers, he slew the Dark Lord. According to an ancient El Randomian prophecy, hell end

lead the people of the Blue Planet to the Age of The Dude, a utopian period of time when

everyone can live in peace, freedom, harmony and martial arts.

Mantra: DUDE X. MACHINA (dood ex makina)

Name: Alanna

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: Lady of Life, Goddess of Nature, The Celestial Songstress

Description: A beautiful Tellian (a race of satyr-like people with horns and ears of

reindeers) woman with long flowing hair. She wears a white dress adorned with tiny white

crystals. A palm-sized crystal floats above each of her shoulders. She wears a crown offlowers on her head and wields a white staff encrusted with a pearl on top.

Personality: Graceful, gentle, artistic, musically inclined, soft-spoken

Domains: life, nature, music, art


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Likes: singing, flowers

Dislikes: anything that threatens life and nature

Function: Uses her magical singing to enchant and inspire. Animals and plants are in hercontrol.

Origin: Alanna was a singer renowned throughout El Randomia. Her melodious voice

stopped the 100-year long War of Wars thus ending an age of great bloodshed and

suffering. This event alone made Alanna one of the most beloved figures in El Randomian

history. After she died, she earned her position as goddess and married the heroic Dude X.Machina.

Mantra: NALUK LA ALANNA (na-look la al-lana)

Name: Winmay

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: Nurse Winmay, The Pixie Nurse, Lady of Pixie Healing

Description: a 12 inched tall (although she can grow to 6 ft tall and shrink to the size of a

cell) female Pixie with light blue wings, wearing a skimpy white nurse uniform with a pinkbutton on collar; also wears white stockings and heel-less shoes. She wields an arcane

syringe pistol in each hand.

Personality: Very caring and feisty

Domains: healing, medicine

Likes: honey, the scent of menthol balms and ointments, healing the sick.

Dislikes: Bling-Bling (he always flirts with her), uncleanliness

Function: She heals people by shrinking into the size of a cell and blasts away sickness,

defects and malfunctions in the body with her arcane syringe pistols.

Background: In El Randomia, Pixies are known for their knowledge of healing. Winmay

was the greatest healer among the El Randomian pixies. Her legendary healings earned her

a place among the El Randomian Pantheon.


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Mantra: NALUK LA NARSA WINMAY (nalook la nar-sa wee-may)

Name: Taleeta

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Lovely One, The Voluptuous One, Sexy Snakewoman,

Serpent Babe, Bringer of Love, The Love Naga, Her Loveliness

Description: Sultry, romantic and passionate, Taleeta is perfect as an incarnation of love,

sex and beauty in the El Randomian Pantheon. She comes in three forms:

-A scantily-clad beautiful buxom woman with dark blue hair with a white flower in her

hair.

-A beautiful naga with long, dark blue hair (with the same flower) and human upper body

part and a serpents lower body part covered with violet scales. Her tail has a rattlesnakes

rattle to distinguish her from other nagas. She often wears a string bikini or a light blue

tube top.

-A giant violet rattlesnake when shes angry or in battle mode.

Personality: Flirty, seductive, charming, artistic and intelligent.

Domains: love, sex, beauty

Likes: love, sex, flowers, chocolates, aromatherapy, intelligent men

Dislikes: hatred, violence, breaking her well-manicured nails, being seen and being

disrespected.

Background: The Nagas of El Randomia are a race of magical snake-like people.

Considered too sultry and passionate by her fellow Nagas, she was cast out. Not only she's


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very beautiful, she's a great sorceress and a dispenser of effective love advice. After her

death, she earned her place in the El Randomian Pantheon as a love goddess.

Mantra: NALUK LA TALEETA (na-look la ta-lee-tah)

Name: Bling-Bling

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: Bling, His Magical Pigginess, Money Pig and The Magical

Flying Green Pig

Description: a flying, winged, magical green little pig with a golden chain around his neck

and speaks in a squeaky voice.

Personality: Generous, gallant, funny, vain, perverted and yet still adorable. Highly favorsgood-natured slackers.

Domains: money, wealth, abundance, food

Likes: food, beer, attractive girls and most of all money.

Dislikes: ungrateful and miserly people

Function: He brings money and attracts prosperity and abundance.

Background: Bling-Bling was a creation of an evil and greedy wizard. Fortunately, the

magical flying green pig rebelled against his master and traveled all over El Randomia

helping people earn their fortune. Because of his generous acts, he attained godhood.

Mantra: NALUK LA BLING-BLING (na-look la bling bling)

Name: Kaluredo

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Just One, The Kick-Ass Griffin, Winged Justice, The

Guardian Griffin, The Aerial Ass-Kicker, Griffin of Might, The Unseen Vigilante

Description: a 6 ft. muscular humanoid griffin wearing a black leather jacket with the


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sentence "There's no peace without justice" written on the back, military pants and army

boots. He wields a magical steel baseball bat.

Personality: tough yet wise and cunning, talks in a gruff voice

Domains: justice, strength, war, strategy, heroism, power, flight

Likes: Protecting the innocent, punishing the bad guys, strategy games, reading strategy

books.

Dislikes: assholes, heinous crimes, bad guys who get away

Function: Deals with power, protection and punishing bad guys.

Background: The Griffins of El Randomia are known for their strength, code of honor and

legendary battle prowess. The greatest hero of the Griffin race is Kaluredo. A long time

ago, Kaluredo and his vast army of Griffins drove vast armies of monsters, dark beings andevil spirits back to Badong. Kaluredo was also the one who slew the Argobluth, a colossal

dragon-like beast that eats mountains. After the epic battle, Kaluredo earned his godhood.

Note: Kaluredo is one of several rare El Randomian Griffins born with wings. Winged

griffins are said to be destined for great things

Mantra: NALUK LA KALUREDO (na-look la ka-loo-ray-doh)

Name: Ritzo

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Party Goblin, The Ritzmeister

Description: A yellow goblin with an orange goatee, orange mohawk hair, nose ring on left

nostril, earring on right ear, multi-colored flowered shirt, black jean shorts, brown sandals,always carries a magic liquor bottle that hold an endless supply of any beverage and a

small magical streamer that acts like his magic wand or something. Sometimes he carries

his magical ukulele named Betsy.

Personality: very friendly, chaotic, a class clown and a true party animal.

Domains: fun, food, liquor, happiness


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Likes: Parties, food, drinks of any kind, fun, happiness, pranks, music

Dislikes: sadness, depression, kill-joys, boredom

Background: Of all the goblins in El Randomia, the Yellow Goblins are the friendliest.The Yellow Goblins are master merry-makers and musicians. Ritzo was once leader of the

Yellow Goblin tribe. Tired of their evil neighbors in Badong, the Yellow Goblins made a

long dangerous trek from the Black Desert of Badong to Achreopolis ages ago. Longrevered by El Randomians for his legendary optimism and merry-making ways, Ritzo

ascended to the ranks of the El Randomian gods.

Mantra: NALUK LA RITZO (na-look la reet-zoh)

Name: Zorabus

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Shamanic Grasshopper, The Wise One, Grass-Hippie,

Green Pacifist, Master Hopper, Chillmaster

Description: a blue anthropomorphic grasshopper with long silver hair who wears a purple

bandana, multi-colored shirt, bead necklace and blue jeans. Always smoking a magicallong pipe that can create smoke which can transform into portals. His magical smoke can

also create an atmosphere of peace. Zorabus is almost always accompanied and by his wife

Odessa, a female anthropomorphic butterfly who wears a multi-colored robe. Odessaassists Zorabus in his magical workings.

Personality: wise, intelligent and pacifistic.

Domains: wisdom, magic, mysticism, shamanism, peace, meditation

Likes: Books, traveling, smoking his pipe, peace, Mahatma Gandhi, lava lamps, yoga,meditation, music from the 70s.

Dislikes: senseless violence and fascism

Function: Deals with travel (even astral travel and inter-dimensional travel), spiritual

wisdom, peace and knowledge of all sorts. Hes also a founder of his own brand of

shamanism. He smokes a magical long pipe that can create portals and feelings of peace.


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Background: Zorabus was born a member of the Bug Tribe, a race of insect-like people.The Bug Tribe was known for their pacifism and mystical inclinations. Zorabus was the

Chief of the Bug Tribe when the Dark Lord was spreading his evil across the land. It was

Zorabus who guided Dude X. Machina to his destiny as El Randomias God-Savior. Heattained his godhood through asceticism and became the Chief Advisor of the El

Randomian Pantheon.

Mantra: NALUK LA ZORABUS (na-look la zo-ra-boos)

Name: Odessa

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Butterfly Wife, Savior of Marriage, The Midwife Goddess,

the Pillar of the El Randomian God Family

Description: A butterfly woman who wears a multi-colored robe.

Personality: wise, graceful and gentle

Domains: marriage, relationships, family, childbirth, fertility

Likes: children, cooking

Dislikes: disharmony in the family

Function: protects children, saves families and fixes relationships

Background: As Zorabus is the grandfather, Odessa is the grandmother in the El

Randomian pantheon. Odessa was one of the elders of the Bug Tribe and a very skillfulmidwife. Many people sought for her counsel regarding marriage and relationships.

Odessa adores children so much she sacrificed her life when she defended a group of

orphans from soldiers of the Dark Lord. After her death, she attained godhood.

Mantra: NALUK LA ODESSA (na-look-la oh-deh-sah)

Name: Glecko

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: Chief Professor Glecko, Master Technologist, Lord of


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Technicians, The Marvelous Mechanic, the Grand Numerologist

Description: A man with a computer monitor for a head. He wears a lab coat, purple rubber

gloves, brown pants and black shoes. Always carries a magical green check board and a

silver pen that can write by itself.

Personality: Very intelligent, tends to be obsessive-compulsive.

Domains: technology, science, farming, intelligence, mathematics, numerology

Likes: coffee, tea, experimentation, inventing, numerology, chess and anything thatinvolves logic.

Dislikes: unknown

Function: Deals with technology, farming, organization/administration skills, numerology

and anything that has to do with logic and reason.

Background: Glecko is a Whacklander, a race of humanoids with inanimate objects for

heads. Theyre known to have a knack for technology plus they possess great intelligence.Glecko happens to be the greatest of all Whacklanders. Thanks to his innovations in

unlimited energy supply through electrolyte crystals, he was rewarded with a good position

in the El Randomian Pantheon as god of technology.

Mantra: NALUK LA PARTUSSO GLECKO (na-look la pa-roo-so gleko)

Name: Chappy

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: Mister Chappy, Dark Lord of The Black Desert, The SmilingDeath, His Chappiness

Description: A lich (magical zombie) who wears a top hat, black cape, a tuxedo with a red

bowtie and a staff made of black wood with a red ruby encrusted in it. Sometimes he

appears as a giant floating skull surrounded by a ring of fire.

Personality: Cheerful, intelligent and polite. Often proclaims he's evil although he's lousy at

being evil.


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Domains: death, black magic, curses, necromancy, evil(?)

Likes: cake

Dislikes: ???

Function: Guides souls of the dead to the afterlife, deals with matters related to death, black

magic, curses and necromancy.

Background: Chappy was once an evil necromancer who transformed himself into a lich

through a forbidden ritual. However, a glitch in the ritual changed his personality into onethat's extremely cheerful and light-hearted. He's close friends with Dude and Kaluredo and

even aids them in their battles against the forces of evil. After the original Dark Lord was

slain, a new Dark Lord must be instated to maintain balance in the cosmos. Chappy

volunteered to become the new Dark Lord and was delighted ever since.

Mantra: NALUK LA MISTRO CHAPPY (na-look la mis-throw chap-pee)

Name: The Slackergod

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: ???

Description: ???

Personality: ???

Domains: creation

Likes: ???

Dislikes: ???

Function: ???

Background: It is said that eons ago, the Power Cosmos created the first god. The god was

omnipotent but he gets easily bored. To amuse himself, he created El Randomia. Thecreator god created El Randomia by thinking about it and pulling it out of his mind. After

that, he left El Randomia on its own. Due to his absence and his seemingly lazy nature, he

became known as the Slackergod.


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Mantra: None. Even if he does have one, dont bother summoning him.

Demi-gods and Other Supernatural Beings

Name: Cadbury

Nickname/Alias/Title: The Immortal Guard Dog

Description: He resembles a large Rottweiler with brown fur. He also wears an enchanted

collar adorned with white crystals and a tag bearing his name.

Personality: Protective and very loyal

Domains: protection

Likes: Fresh bones and meat

Dislikes: intruders

Function: Protects the adepts house against criminals and unwanted intruders.

Background: Cadbury is Dude X. Machinas loyal pet hound. He died in the battle against

the Dark Lord but was resurrected by the Power Cosmos and became a demi-god thatprotects the Crystal Castle. Cadbury is a household deity commonly invoked by families.

Names: Rogo, Togo

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Ogre Baboons, Guards Of The Borders, The Baboon

Guards, The Bouncer Baboons, The Terrible Twins, The Ogre Baboons, Lord Protectors of

Badong

Description: Both Rogo and Togo are identical in size (10 feet tall) and appearance exceptthat Rogo has a red face and Togo has a blue face. Both of them have silver fur and bull-

like horns and wear black tank tops and cycling shorts. Rogo wields a long metal chain for

binding and whipping and Togo wields a huge sledgehammer. Their voices are low, deep

and always intimidating.


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Personalities: very strong, very fast, very violent, slow-witted but very fearful and loyal to

Kaluredo whom they consider as their boss.

Domains: exorcism, protection, war, violence, retribution, fighting, haunting

Likes: Fighting, guard duties and wrestling

Dislikes: soft romantic music (one of the few things that can banish them due to a specificvibration it gives off)

Function: Exorcism (both), protection (both), binding (Rogo), cursing (Togo), retribution

(both), violence (both), they can also do poltergeist activities. They also feed on evil spiritsand rogue servitors.

Background: Born as twin brothers to an ogre father and a baboon demon mother, they were

originally citizens of the Desert of Badong. Rogo and Togo became the most powerfulmonsters in Badong. Ever since Kaluredo defeated them in a wrestling match, theyve

become powerful and fiercely loyal allies and the El Randomian Pantheon conferred on themthe titles Monster Protectors of Badong and Achreopolis Royal Guards who keep Badongs

monsters and savages from trespassing the Whacklands and Achreopolis.

Name: Captain Henry Flaming Eyes Morkavan

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Black Admiral of Badong

Decription: A huge old man with flames for eyes and a thick red beard. He owns a magicalship called the Accursed Siren that can go anywhere in El Randomia and his crew is

composed of brave and nearly psychotic sailors in Achreopolis. He transports passengers

from Achreopolis to any country beyond the Black Desert and back again. He has ahamsterrot perched on his shoulder (a creature with a body of a hamster and wings and head

of a parrot) named Mister Wilkins. Always yells Adventure!

Personality: Eccentric, courageous and speaks with a loud voice.

Domains: travel, courage, adventure, piracy

Likes: coin and cleavage!

Dislikes: scurvy dogs who want to take away his money!

Function: He aids travelers and adventurers.


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Background: Flaming Eyes Morkavan was a famous pirate with a courageous spirit and a

personal code of honor. He aided Dude Ex Machina in his fight against the Dark Lord. As a

reward, he was given immortality and given the title of Admiral.

NOTE: There are no spells for summoning Flaming Eyes Morkavan. However, a simple

prayer and an offering of hard liquor would suffice.

Name: Alyssa

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Comic Book Goddess, Divine Matron of Comics

Description: A beautiful woman with long black hair adorned with white ribbons. She wears

silver thick-framed glasses. She is dressed in a tunic-like robe. She wields a magical artist

brush that doubles as a wand. Shes often accompanied by her pet mouse Ingrid who assistsher.

Personality: Although shy, she is very nice and very willing to help anyone especially if

theyre cartoonists, comic book writers and even comic book readers.

Domains: art, comics, cartooning, comic book writing

Likes: comic books, cartoons

Dislikes: mean people

Function: Supports cartoonists, comic artists, comic writers and comic book fans.

Background: Alyssa is the younger sister of Alanna. Alyssa was the first cartoonist in El

Randomia. After an awe-inspiring experience with the Power Cosmos, she created the firstgraphic novel. Today, comics are one of the leading art mediums in the Surreal World. As a

reward for her great contributions to sequential art, she was made a demi-god.

Mantra: NALUK LA ALYSSA

NOTE: There are no spells for Alyssa. However, a mere chanting of her mantra or a simple

and sincere prayer would be enough to gain her favors.

Name: Budo

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The Turtle of Enlightenment


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Description: An elderly turtle-man with a long white beard. He is dressed in a saffron robe.

He wields a staff made from a tree infused with energies of the Power Cosmos.

Personality: Calm, compassionate and wise

Domains: wisdom, enlightenment, compassion, peace

Likes: tea, painting and playing Dai-Shung-Po, a board game from Zanrala

Dislikes: ?

Function: Just like Zorabus, he is a dispenser of good advice. He also calms down peoplewith his Aura of Tranquility. Budo also helps anyone regardless of race, creed and status.

Background: Budo was a legendary sage from Zanrala, a mysterious kingdom hidden from

the rest of El Randomia. Although not a god, he possesses powerful mystical powers and hiswisdom rivals that of Zorabus. However, Zorabus and Budo are good friends. Every week,

they would play Dai-Shung-Po. There are a few temples in El Randomia dedicated to histeachings.

Mantra: NALUK LA BUDO

Note: There are no spells for him. Mere chanting of his mantra brings peace and happiness.

Name: The Puglord

Nicknames/Aliases/Titles: The God of The Puglings

Description: A Pugling holding a huge hammer.

Personality: Wise and full of mirth

Domains: Happiness, prosperity

Likes: Minced meat and potatoes

Dislikes: ?

Function: He brings happiness and prosperity to the home.

Background: The Puglord is the god of the lovable Pugling people, a race of small and

determined humanoid flat-faced dogs similar to our Pugs. It is said that he was the one who


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created the Puglings. Although hardly seen in El Randomia, he still makes his presence be

known by answering the prayers of his people.

Mantra: There is none. The Puglings simply pray to their god with simple invocations.

The Power Cosmos

The Power Cosmos is not a god. It is a force. Like the name suggests, its the power of the

cosmos. It is the very source of the gods divine powers and the magical energies of El

Randomia. Tapping into the Power Cosmos is very difficult but with the help of the spells in

this book, at least a fraction of this awesome force can be summoned for the betterment ofmankind.

The Spells

A) The Holy Three

The Holy Three, also known as the Three Holy Mantras of El Randomia, are the mostimportant mantras in the Surreal World. They were the first mantras that came out of thePower Cosmos. To chant them is a core of El Randomian Magic.

1) The El Randomian Blessing Mantra - The most famous mantra is NALUK MODO

ALTULAYT. It is said to protect the chanter from harm, empower the aura, attract

blessings and gaining the attention of higher beings regardless of pantheon. It is El

Randomias answer to the Blue Planets famous Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram.This mantra can be also used to consecrate objects and bless/purify people and places.

Instructions: Chant NALUK MODO ALTULAYT(na-look mo-doh al-too-light) at leastonce. If the power if not felt immediately, keep chanting until you feel it.

Optional: visualize a white light surrounding the target which includes yourself.

To bless a place, person or amulet: Chant NALUK LA MODO ALTULAYT.The LA part signifies that the chanting is meant for a target other than the chanter.


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The El Randomian Blessing Mantra can be chanted verbally or mentally. It can be adapted

to rituals as long as it's pronounced correctly. The mantra, when written, is a sigil itself.

Feel free to make talismans and amulets based on it.

2) The El Randomian Third Eye Mantra - This mantra empowers the third eye. It's good

for developing and improving visualization, concentration and intuition. The mantra is

BIN YORA.

3) The El Randomian Radiant Heart Mantra - This mantra empowers the heart power

center. It's good for developing and improving charisma, attractiveness to the opposite sex

and attracting prosperity. The mantra is TER KALA.

Instructions: These mantras must be chanted at least 3 times per session but, for beginners,

I recommend chanting them at least 9 times per session each day. They can also be writtenas sigils for talismans.

B. The Summoning Spells

Before summoning, the adept must recite the Power Cosmos Opening Incantation.

The Power Cosmos Opening Incantation

May the Power Cosmos guide me in my magical operations always and forever. NALUKMODO ALTULAYT, NALUK MODO ALTULAYT, NALUK MODO ALTULAYT

To Attract Money and Prosperity

Bling-Bling, the green pig of prosperity, loves beer. Mentally or vocally toast an alcoholicbeverage to Bling. The toast: "I toast this beer to Bling-Bling the magical flying green pig!"

When you hear a squeal or see a vision of a flying green pig wearing a golden chain then


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you're successful. Ask him to bring you the exact amount of money you need and when

you need it.

Bling likes attractive women. Just put a picture of a sexy girl in front of a piggy bank (if

you're lucky, get a green piggy bank although any color will do just fine as long as it's a

pig) and then invoke him. When you hear a squeal or see a vision of a flying green pigwearing a golden chain then you're successful. Ask him to bring you the exact amount of

money you need and when you need it.

Bling loves food. Toast your food to Bling (Ex. "I toast this bag of potato chips to Bling-

Bling the magical flying green pig!") then eat it. When you hear a squeal or see a vision of

a flying winged green pig wearing a golden chain then you're successful. Ask him to bring

you the exact amount of money you need and when you need it.

Bling admires generous people. Every time you donate money to a charity group, mentally

say "By the power of the Magical Flying Green Pig, I donate this amount of money to

charity" or I donate this money in the name of Bling-Bling. If you hear a squeal or saw avision of a flying green pig wearing a golden chain, well, you get the picture.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Remember to thank him after every request. Hey, even magical pigs

want respect. If mistreated or disrespected, Bling-Bling will not help unless the offenderdonates some money to charity in his name.

To Bring Success

For attracting success, one must invoke Dude X. Machina. Not only Dude X. Machina

helps in ensuring success, he also destroys obstacles and makes the impossible possible.The Dude is so powerful, his mantra doesnt need NALUK. Below is a simple incantation

to call upon The Dude.

I summon Dude X. Machina, God-Savior of El Randomia, to help me (insert goal). May

he ensure my success always and forever. DUDE X. MACHINA, DUDE X. MACHINA,DUDE X. MACHINA.

Protection from Evil


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The El Randomian Blessing Mantra is enough to protect oneself from evil and banish the

malevolent forces around him. For more information, see Basic Mantras. Alternatively,

the adept can summon the protective power of The Dude or Kaluredo. Kaluredo, like TheDude, is a warrior god. He is very loyal and protective to his allies. If you need lots of

protection, hes the one to call. Heres his incantation for protection.

"Kaluredo, Guardian Griffin, protect me from evil. NALUK LA KALUREDO, NALUK

LA KALUREDO, NALUK LA KALUREDO."

Note: Visualize Kaluredo pointing his steel bat of power at you, strengthening your aura

and forming four golden shields around you.

To obtain Justice

If youre truly have been wronged, Kaluredo will ensure that you will get justice. Heres

an incantation for obtaining justice.

Kaluredo, Winged Justice of El Randomia, please do justice for me. (Kaluredo mantra

three times)

To Fight Crime and Punish Evil

Back in his days as a mortal adventurer, Kaluredo spent a lot of time fighting bandits that

plague the land. You can summon him to do the same for any place.

Kaluredo, the Unseen Vigilante, please bring justice to (insert name of place). (Kaluredomantra three times)

For Acquiring Power over Others

"Dude X. Machina and Kaluredo, please grant me power over others." ( Recite Dude

mantra three times and Kaluredo mantra three times)


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After the incantation, visualize Kaluredo pointing his steel bat of power at you. His magical

weapon will shoot a ray of golden light at you and your aura will be strengthened by ten

folds for one whole day. There will be cases where people will instantly notice you andmay even be overwhelmed just by your mere presence.

For Protection of The Home Against Unwanted Intruders

Acquire a statue of a dog. Recite this incantation over the statue.

In the name of Cadbury the Immortal Guard Dog, I bring you to life. I give you the dutyof protecting my home from unwanted intruders.

Name the statue, display it near the door and treat the statue as if its alive. If no longer

wanted, simply destroy it or give it away.

To Bind and Curse Ones Enemies

To summon Rogo and Togo to attack your enemies, recite the incantation while visualizingwhatever kind

Rogo and Togo, Terrible Twins of the Black Desert, bind, curse and haunt my enemy (or

enemies) for they deserve it for whatever offenses they committed against me. GARK

RUTALA. (pronounced as gark roo-talah)

To Exorcise Evil Spirits

Rogo and Togo, Lord Protectors of the Black Desert, vanquish whatever evil presence that

bothers me. GARK RUTALA.

To Dismiss The Terrible Twins

When the Terrible Twins have accomplished their goal or have caused too much trouble,

simply say By the name of your leader Kaluredo the Kick-Ass Griffin, I send you back to

the Deserts of Badong, your home. VERUC VESHULAC. Either that or play soft

romantic music.


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WARNING: Rogo and Togo are dangerous and chaotic beings. They should always be

dismissed when the request has been fulfilled or else they will wreck havoc everywhere

they go.

To Gain Knowledge in Malevolent Magic

Mister Chappy is a dark god. However, he is not totally evil. In fact, hes a very jolly

fellow and quite easy to get along with. However, if you really want to gain his favors, youmust always offer him pastries and desserts. One important note: he loves cake.

Mister Chappy, Dark Lord of The Black Desert. Please grant me knowledge of

malevolent magic. NALUK LA MISTRO CHAPPY, NALUK LA MISTRO CHAPPY,

NALUK LA MISTRO CHAPPY.

To Curse Your Enemies with Mister Chappy

Unlike Rogo and Togo, summoning Mister Chappy to curse your enemies does not have

side effects. However, an offering of cake must be made. The bigger or more expensive

the cake, the more effective the curse will be. As for incantations, just make your ownprayer to Mister Chappy, describe what kind of curse do you want and chant his mantra

three times at the end.

For Guidance through The Afterlife

Mister Chappy, Smiling Death. Please guide me through life after life. (Chappy mantrathree times)

For Happiness and Successful Merry-making

Ritzo is a god of mirth. He is the best to matters related to happiness and celebrations.

Ritzmeister, please fill my life with happiness and my celebrations with joy. NALUK LA

RITZO, NALUK LA RITZO, NALUK LA RITZO


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To Become One with Nature

To increase ones empathy and rapport to plants, animals and other things of nature, one

can simply chant her mantra NALUK LA ALANNA as many times as the adept wants.The adept may also receive blessings from nature. If given offerings, Alanna may share

secrets on enchantment and things of nature.

For Inspiration

When it comes to music, its either Ritzo or Alanna. When it comes to art, Alanna isrecommended. You are free to make your own incantations as long as the mantras of the

appropriate gods are chanted three times at the end.

To Attract Romantic Love

To attract romantic love into ones life, heres an incantation to El Randomias lovegoddess Taleeta the Love Naga.

Taleeta, Love Naga Goddess, please bring forth romance into my life. NALUK LA

TALEETA, NALUK LA TALEETA, NALUK LA TALEETA.

Alternatively, you can also summon Alanna for a more wholesome romance. Make yourown prayer and chant her mantra three times at the end.

To Attract a Specific Person

Taleeta the Lovely One, fill (targets name) with great love for me. (Taleeta mantra three

times)

To Make Men or Women Lust for You

Taleeta the Voluptuous One, enchant the object (or objects) of my desire with great lust

for me. (Taleeta mantra three times)


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To Beautify Ones Self

Taleeta, Bestower of Loveliness, please make me stunningly beautiful. (Taleeta mantra

three times)

Any Other Concerns Regarding Romantic Love

Lets face it, love (especially romantic love) is a very complicated thing. If you have

desires that dont seem to match the other love incantations, just make your own prayer and

chant Taleetas mantra three times at the end.

To Gain Secret Knowledge

When it comes to secret knowledge, Zorabus the Shamanic Grasshopper is the best.

Peace and salutations, Zorabus the Shamanic Grasshopper. Please give me secret

knowledge regarding (enter subject). NALUK LA ZORABUS, NALUK LA ZORABUS,NALUK LA ZORABUS.

For Peace of Mind

Peace and salutations, Green Peacemaker. Please help me put my mind at ease. NALUK

LA ZORABUS, NALUK LA ZORABUS, NALUK LA ZORABUS.

For A Safe and Trouble-Free Travel

Peace and salutations, Master Hopper. Please ensure that my travel to (name ofdestinarion) is save and free from problems. NALUK LA ZORABUS, NALUK LA

ZORABUS, NALUK LA ZORABUS.


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Note: If successful in summoning, the adept shall either smell smoke or hear Zorabus greet

Peace and salutations, man. A feeling of peace can be felt from this being. Talk to him,

give him request or whatever. Thank him afterwards.

For Health

Nurse Winmay, please make my body strong and healthy. NALUK LA NARSA

WINMAY, NALUK LA NARSA WINMAY, NALUK LA NARSA WINMAY

As for healing specific diseases and ailments, rub some menthol balm or ointment on thethird eye region of the forehead. Call her out by saying "Nurse Winmay, please heal me"

before going to sleep. You could also rub some balm or ointment on your third-eye region

and then say "Nurse Winmay, please heal me". Visualize Winmay (or at least a 12 inchball of bright light with blue wings) entering your body via the rubbed area (it acts as a

portal for Winmay) and destroying the sickness. Always chant her mantra three times after

each time.

The Power Cosmos Invocation for General Purposes

If none of the spells above is appropriate for the adepts desire, this incantation to the

Power Cosmos can be used. While reciting this incantation, mentally think of your desires.

Oh Power Cosmos, please bless me with everything that is good and I will gladly

welcome them into my life. NALUK MODO ALTULAYT, NALUK MODOALTULAYT, NALUK MODO ALTULAYT.

El Randomian God Offering Table

If the adept wishes to gain favors from the deities by giving them offerings, this table may

be of great help.

Dude X. Machina Noodle soup

Alanna Music, flowers

Winmay Honey, menthol balm

Taleeta Flowers, chocolates, scented candles

Bling-Bling Beer or any liquor, food, pictures of


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beautiful women

Kaluredo Anything related to fighting

Ritzo Beer or any liquor, dance music

Zorabus Incense

Odessa Bread, sweet food

Glecko Coffee, teaChappy Cake, any pastry

The Slackergod If you insist to know, he loves fried chicken.

NOTE: The adept is does not have to follow the exact instructions in this grimoire. In fact,

he or she is free to experiment. I have successfully invoked these beings even withoutmantras or material offerings. Constant experimentation and documenting the effects is

strongly recommended. Stick to whatever works and discard the rest.

C. The El Randomian Entrance Ritual

To enter El Randomia, one must chant the El Randomian blessing mantra NALUK MODO

ALTULAYT before entering a meditative state for the sake of protection and gaining the

deities' permission to enter. Visualize a purple portal adorned with mushrooms that flash

colors by random. They are called Astral Mushrooms and eating them can make astraltraveling to El Randomia easier. The portal to El Randomia can be very bumpy. In your

visualization, pick up a mushroom and swallow it. Visualize yourself walking through theportal. Instantly, you find yourself floating in the sky of El Randomia. Before you, you seea floating white crystal castle guarded by armies of anthropomorphic griffins wearing

brown leather jackets and armed with steel baseball bats. Three of the griffins will

approach you. Just state your name and your intention for visiting ER. The three griffinswill escort you to Achreopolis, the kingdom below the crystal castle. If you wish to visit

the crystal castle just politely ask the griffin soldiers to escort you there.

When entering the castle, the first room you enter is a great hallway filled with people andfantastic creatures such as Nagas, Yellow Goblins, Pixies, Griffins and anthropomorphic

animals. On the walls of the hallway are twelve chambers. Whatever you're seeking, you

may find it in any of the chamber especially if its mystical secrets of El Randomia in theform of libraries. You may also speak to the people there. Who knows what you might

learn there.

You can visit Achreopolis. It's a semi-modern city filled with humans and fantasy beings

like the ones in the Crystal Castle except they're just commoners. The city looks like any

modern city except its electricity is from blue electronite crystals and most of the vehicles

are steam-powered.


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You can also visit the rural Whacklands. There, you find simple villages similar to

Tolkien's Shire. The majority of the citizens are bizarre people with various inanimatedobjects for heads. Majority of the Whacklanders are farmers and inventors. They are very

friendly and will treat you well.

The Black Desert of Badong is the last place to visit and the one place you wouldn't want to

visit. A giant wall separates the black desert and the rest of El Randomia for a good

reason. The black desert is home to Nub-Sabogs, caveman-like savages with black,leathery hides who attack anything. Ogres, demons, giant scorpions and all sorts of evil

spirits also dwell there. It is a place filled with death and peril.

To exit El Randomia, chant NALUK MODO ALTULAYT, visualize the purple portal (youdon't have to eat an Astral Mushroom this time) and enter it. Open your eyes slowly and

you're back in your own world.

Thus we reach the end of this grimoire. I hope that you find the secrets in this arcane bookuseful. Whatever happens, may your life be enriched with blessings. NALUK LA MODO

ALTULAYT.

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The El Randomian Grimoire

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