“And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; For it is not requisite that a man run faster than he has strength…” (Mosiah 4:27)
A Personal Experience:
One night at dinner, after telling my 12 year-old that she wouldn’t be able to go to a skating party because as a family we had been running too fast, I explained to our 5 children this: "I worked too hard to get you here and your Dad and I have worked too hard, and enjoy your company too much, to turn you guys over to EVERYTHING that you could be involved in. Therefore, we are going to be selective about what activities you participate in. If we find as a family we are running too fast we are going to make the decisions necessary to slow down so we can enjoy each other.” My daughter was disappointed that she couldn’t go, but she was not mad. Her parents had just told her that they enjoy her and want her around. How could she be angry with that, especially since she believed we meant it? I wouldn’t trade the belonging we feel as a family for all the wonderful achievements or spectacular activities our very talented, social children could be involved in. Time goes quickly. Our children will grow up and make their own lives sooner than we realize. - Connie Broadbent, wife and mother 2. Eat Together
OFTEN
One thing we need to remember is that families have to adjust or change as family circumstances change. But we also need to remember that the great value of eating together does not change. In fact, because of Satan's
tremendously strong influence to weaken and then destroy families that is prevalent in the world today, I would say that the value of families eating together often is greatly increasing.
-Pat Pennington, wife & mother & grandmother Question: How can all family members benefit?
Answer: Family culture is created and values are established. Children develop a strong sense of belonging which reduces the chances of drug and alcohol abuse.
(“The New Family Dinner”, Parent’s Magazine, May 1999) (“The Importance of Family Dinners”, Study conducted by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, Sep. 2003) Children who eat with their families regularly will be healthier and consume more fruits and vegetables. (see American Baby.com) Children who eat with their families regularly will perform at higher academic levels and have better vocabularies.
(see nutrition.wsu.edu)
Question: What can families learn together? Answer: By sharing dinner responsibilities children learn to work. Children’s testimonies can be strengthened as the family discusses gospel topics or reads from the scriptures. By planning and making the meals with children they learn
good nutrition and cooking skills.
By eating together and talking, teasing, joking, sharing, and laughing, family members come to have a deeper
knowledge, appreciation and love for each other.
3. Just A Few Fun Ideas
Make family member’s accomplishments special by using a special plate (The “red plate”) Have a letter meal. Each food has to begin with the same letter. (pickles, pears, pork, pop corn, poppy seed rolls…) Have a finger food meal where no utensils are used. (This is a very popular meal for boys ages 8-12 who find it a nuisance to use silverware anyway.)
Use fun and unique dishes, candles, or placemats. Create a “memory” tablecloth using permanent markers and an inexpensive tablecloth. (see Familytabletime.com) Sisters- below are testimonials from real women who
have made eating together as a family top priority. They share their ideas and the blessings they have received. ENJOY!
TESTIMONIALS
Plan Ahead, Know Your Family’s Schedule I plan ahead with my family’s schedule in mind. If it’s going to be a busy evening I make dinner something I can put together during the day when
things aren’t as busy. We eat when the majority of the family can be there. Usually, there is at least one hour when everyone is home. Sometimes, because of my husband’s busy schedule, dinner is the only time during the day when we can all be together. We find dinner time is a great way to stay connected with each other’s lives. -Tammy, bishop’s wife, mother of 4 (ages 9 to 14)
They Still Grew up to be Happy Adults
One day I was talking to one of my friends who mentioned that she wished she had been able to afford piano lessons for one of her sons when he was younger. They lived on a teacher’s salary so paying for “extras” for any of their seven kids wasn’t as possible as they would have
liked. I remember thinking, “They’ve all grown up to be happy, well-adjusted, successful adults, and some of the nicest people I’ve met.” It occurred to me that what my friend and her husband did was more important than all the wonderful lessons they could have paid for. I knew that they spent a great deal of time with their children, because they had time. After thinking about this for a little while I discussed it with my husband and we decided to be selective about the activities and lessons we would involve our children in. Following the example of my friend, we decided to err on the side of too few commitments rather than too many. We’ve reaped the benefits already.
-Connie, wife and mother of 5 (ages 5 to 14) My Primary Focus
Being together as a family as often as we could was my primary focus, so it was easier to make decisions regarding time and commitments. I found that as my children got older, if I had a prepared meal with the table set, we would always sit down together to eat. If there was nothing formal prepared we would all eat when we were hungry and we would miss being together. My husband and I decided that our dinner time would be a family event, not just a forum for adults to talk.
One of the sayings I like is “Laughter aids digestion”. We laughed a lot, especially as the kids grew up and reminisced about their earlier years together. We still have many Sunday meals together with our married children. We established eating dinner together a long time ago. Through the years we have developed a love of being together, talking and sharing out thoughts, sometimes long after the meal is finished. (Her newly returned missionary son said he loved family meals because there’s food involved.) -Lynn, wife & mother of 7 (ages 21-31) & grandma of 10
Single Mother of 6, Full-Time Employee As a single parent and full-time employee
I have to rely on my children quite a bit. Communication is a big thing. I assign each of my children a day of the week to get dinner started, then we all work together to get it finished and on the table. After dinner we all help to clean up.
How else would I hear about my children’s day? It makes me feel more a part of their lives and as a family it draws us closer together. We take turns sharing the events of our day in an open conversation. All the children are eager to have their turn.
For years eating together has just been the expectation. There are some days we aren’t able to eat together, but those are the exceptions.
-Valerie, mother of 7 (ages 4 to 22, 6 at home) full-time employee
It’s like a Date Before we were married we decided that eating together would be a priority. We worked out our schedules so we could make that happen. We’re both students so it took a little planning. Since we don’t have kids yet, we take advantage of being just the two of us. Two to three times a week we’ll make dinner a romantic event and eat by candle light. We find eating together gives us a chance to share our days and be more united. We also share the dinner responsibilities and find that it is a natural way to serve each other. -Becky, student & wife (of 7 months)
Picky Eaters I try to fix things that are
nutritious as well as enjoyable-so no one "hates" it. (Including me-hearing the complaints). I know women who hate to cook because their children and spouse are so picky. I think that we have such a wide variety of foods that Heavenly Father created for us, it just takes some effort, but we can find what everyone will like. (My husband is the best because he always goes on and on about what a great cook I am-even if it's Tator Tot Casserole. He has the children all convinced)
I fix the meals everyday at a pretty consistent time. Everyone knows what to expect. It is always pleasant because we're eating and we all love to eat. I love having everyone here and we all spend uninterrupted (no phone, no TV, etc.) time together and we all talk about the day, or maybe a gospel centered thought.
Another Thought on Picky Eaters I have found that if I let my kids be involved in
choosing the meals and helping to prepare them, they are more excited to eat the food and they are proud of the work they have done. Often they will think of meals I wouldn’t. I tend to get stuck in a rut sometimes and a fresh perspective is helpful for everyone. - Tammy (again)
Dad- Part of the Family I feel like dinner is a time for my
husband to be involved in the kids lives. I am so involved with them during their day while he’s at work, it can be easy for him to feel like the outsider.
With young children, even with our best efforts, sometimes dinner isn’t enjoyable, but I know it’s worth the work. I feel like we are building a foundation and a habit that will benefit our family down the road. I have hope that dinners will get more consistently enjoyable!
-Dianna, wife & mother of 2 (ages 2-3 1/2)
Make the Decision My husband and I own a marketing/ advertising company and therefore I am a mother that also works full-time outside the home. My husband and I found that we had to make the decision of what was most important to us, a wildly successful business or a solid family life. We decided that if anything would have to sacrifice it would be our business, not our family. I wanted our children to get more of what they would get if I wasn’t working. I decided that family meals would be a high priority for us. We eat together at least 3 times a week, usually more, Every Sunday we have a formal “Big Deal” dinner. We have the pot roast and all the trimmings complete with a nice tablecloth. Everyone helps out from preparing the food to cleaning up after. Eating together has helped us stay grounded and connected. I’ve found that while I need to work outside the home, as long as I’ve established my first priority as family, I
can turn to the Lord for help in meeting my obligations. He does help me in wonderful ways. We really are a partner with the Lord in raising our families.
-Jane, wife & mother of 2 (ages7 &10), business owner
Bringing Our Adopted Son into the Family
We adopted our son when he was 14 years old. He’s originally from Mexico so there were many issues for our family to deal with, from a different language to different food. There were many ways that helped him become a natural part of our family, but we found that eating together was the best. I have always tried to keep foods around that he is more used to, but thankfully he’ll eat most anything. At our family meals we learned about his culture and he learned about ours. We found that our family meals were a really bonding experience. We grew closer as we talked, shared, joked, teased and ate.
I can’t imagine life without our son from Mexico. Our family feels complete and eating together regularly has helped tremendously.
- Ann, wife & mother of 4 (22, 19, 17, &17)
Beautiful Dishes About 5 years ago my kids and I got interested in old 40’s, 50,s, 60’s glass bowls. We found quite a few at thrift stores. It occurred to me that serving dinner in these beautiful and cheap dishes would make our regular family meals more of an “event”. It worked. Serving peas in a beautiful amber bowl made even peas seem special. My kids loved setting the table and looked forward to our meals. We’ve continued this tradition. (My husband will even get our bowls out if he’s in charge of dinner.) This is just one simple way I found to help my family feel the importance of eating together and because the
bowls were in expensive, I’m not too upset if they occasionally break. (Don’t put them in the microwave!)
-Connie (again)
A Few Words from a Dad
My wife and I try to work together to manage the children’s energy, make sure they are learning good manners and are considerate of each other. We back each other up, so the kids know exactly what is expected of them. We encourage them to speak one at a time and listen to the person speaking. Sometimes we cut loose and sometimes there is little need for a lot of structure, as long as it’s enjoyable for everyone and no-one is feeling left out or run over.
-Brig, husband & father of 5 (ages 5 – 14)
We Talk, Talk, Talk Our family has always had dinner together. We eat
between 5:30 and 6:30. I have to plan ahead. If someone has scouts at 6:00, we’ll eat earlier so that person will be there.
My kids love it when I cook ‘real’ food instead of nuggets and fries. It makes such a big difference, especially for my older boys. My mother in law says any meal can be wonderful if you serve homemade bread with it! (My mother-in-law had 8 children.)
Our mealtimes are enjoyable because we talk, talk, talk. We like to have story dinners by candlelight. Everyone tells about their day. The last person who tells about their day gets to blow the candles out.
Mealtimes are a time when we get to know what is going on in each other’s lives. This time helps us to be interested in one another and to come together, otherwise it doesn’t happen.
I’ve always read that it is important to eat together. Sharing family meals has helped us to know one another very well. Mealtimes are almost like a second family home evening. Gospel subjects will come up and we can talk about them.
Everyone has to eat, so everyone wants to be there. -Denise, wife & mother of 5 (ages 3 to
13)
Now it’s Just Me and My Husband
When we were raising our children it helped to have a set time. Everyone expected it. This was pretty much successful until my kids started to work. Then we had to be a little more flexible. It really is a commitment.
Now that our children are older, we invite everyone over two times a month to celebrate birthdays and holidays. We love to play games together.
We have always had kneeling family prayer at the table. Now it is just me and my husband at home and we continue to do this. We eat dinner together every night. We make sure that we eat at the table and that we turn off the T.V.
Our family has been blessed by eating together because it gives us a chance to look at one another face to face. We love to reminisce, laugh, and talk about the good times. Mealtimes help us to share ideas, schedule, and talk about the gospel.”
-Kay, wife & mother of 7 (ages 19-34)
We Established This Habit Early It is easy to eat together when the kids are young. We
established this habit early. We’ve always done it. We eat at the same time-6:00. I’ve found that the kids are on this schedule now, even if I’m not!
Everyone gets a chance to talk at the table. I’ll ask ‘What did you do today?’ or ‘What did you like about today?’ Before dinner, I like to give each child an assignment like making a salad or cleaning up afterwards. We all work together.
Dinner time is really the only time that we can all get together. It gives us a chance to bond and to
communicate. We love to laugh together at the table. It is such a happy time.
If one of the kids is gone, we really feel the difference of that one personality not being there. We have great synergy. I love the blending of personalities.
-Aliesa, wife & mother of 6 (ages newborn to 10)
Nurturing and Nourishing When my children were younger, we always ate when
Daddy came home. It was just a family habit. The 5:30 dinner time was engrained in my kids. As my kids got older and in to sports, we had to adjust the time we ate. I had to pick a time to eat when most of the kids would be there. Sometimes we even ate early at 4:30! Every effort was made to eat together.
Now, monthly I invite my married son and daughter that live close by over for dinners. We celebrate special occasions and birthdays together. This really pays off because now my kids will invite us over to their homes for dinner!
I try to make meals that taste good. My cooking is basic but healthier. I try to make well planned, well rounded meals. I think the main part of a mother’s nurturing process is nourishing her family.
Eating together has given us structure and stability. It has given us time to communicate. We can discuss things that were learned in school that were contrary to gospel teachings. We can even talk about politics and values.You have to consciously make the effort to eat together
.-Sorena (R.S. president) wife & mother of 5 (ages 18-34)
Flexible Meal Plan I have found that my family eats together
more often if I plan the meals out a week in advance. A good friend of mine taught me to make a master list of all of the meals that my family eats so that I can just pick from that list. I try to have a mix of “quick” dinners and ones that take a little more time so that
I can make the meals “fit” the schedule of each day.
Our family members enjoy meals that Dad makes. He isn’t available to make meals most days because of his work schedule, but sometimes on weekends or other free evenings he will make one of his “specialties” like French toast or grilled hamburgers.
When I was a child, my mom and dad were very committed to family mealtimes. I hope because of my efforts, my children will develop this same sense of importance of eating together in their own future families.
-Megan, wife and mother of 3, ages 4-14
When I was a Single Parent When I was single, dinner time turned into family craft night. I would let the kids decide the menu and help cook, all the while talking about our day and schedules, etc. They weren’t very original meals, macaroni and cheese…but it was a way for us to spend an hour or so having fun together. I usually left the dishes until morning so we could just relax for the night. We also used dinner for one more chance during the day to pray together and for each other. The kids helped make the menus, which really is a big help to me. My girls love to cook and they cook dinner the days I work. We all take turns doing the dishes. I do have to say it is a time of day I really look forward to. I have learned to not let it get stressful. If I’m in a hurry and can’t think of anything there is always breakfast for dinner.
-Tandy, wife & mother of 4 (ages 5 to 16) works part-time
“I Can’t Cook” I think the most important thing to have is
a desire to eat together. Make it a priority. So many young mothers in today’s world say “I can’t cook.” That’s not true. Get a good cookbook and make the decision to learn. Do lots of experimenting. Learn to make good, fun foods.
When my children were young and still at home, I would serve breakfast by candlelight. (Except during the summer) I believe in dimmer switches. I believe in atmosphere!
Sunday was always a “big meal” day. The kids always looked forward to those meals. We also always made cookies on Sunday.
As families get older and disperse, family mealtimes give the children a reason to come back. They keep families close. It is so important to establish this tradition when the children are young. There isn’t a better medium to teach family unity. -Pat, widow and mother of 8, ages 24-39 (children were 1-17 when her husband passed away)
“Boarding House”, Parental Evaluation and… I remember if I had to eat early for some reason, my
mother would come and sit at the table and talk to me while I ate. We did not eat meals alone. My mother let me bake at an early age and I received praise and recognition for the foods I baked. I did not receive negative comments for the messes I made as I was learning, but received help in cleaning up the kitchen
We had many church callings and activities when the family was growing up, so when Dad got home from work, we had to have the meal ready so we could eat together before Dad went to meetings and children went to activities.
I feel that eating together as a family helped make loving family relationships instead of "boarding house" relationships among family members. Everyone being gathered around the dinner table allowed us as parents to sense daily the individual needs of each child. You can tell by countenances, attitudes, responses, body language, etc., how each child is feeling. Family meal time becomes a good time for a parental evaluation where parents can sense problems that can be addressed individually later--not at the dinner table.
.…a Final Comment One thing we need to remember is that families have to
adjust or change as family circumstances change. But we also need to remember that the great value of eating together does not change. In fact, because of Satan's tremendously strong influence to weaken and then destroy families that is prevalent in the world today, I would say that the value of families eating together often is greatly increasing.
