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The Good, The Bad and The
Ugly of English 1101
JenniferLopez
Dr.Horton
December2011
English1101
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of English 1101
Table of Contents
Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1
Quality Comparison .........................................................................................................................4
Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................5
Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................7
“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................9
Revision Samples ...........................................................................................................................11
Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................12
Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................14
Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................16
Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................18
Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................20
Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................25
1
December 1, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Jennifer Lopez and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. As I look back at first assignments in English 1101 and see how far I’ve come, it’s very clear that I have learned a great deal of ways to not only improve my writing but the message that I’m trying to send out to the reader. I have put together some pieces of my writing and that I have done this semester into this final portfolio. In my portfolio, you can clearly see the progress that I have made from basic high school writing, to descriptive and detail- rich pieces of writing. In English 1101, I was taught to take out the author’s opinions, and write about how why that opinion should matter. Throughout English 1101, you have taught me to take the basic skills that I’ve learned from high school to a whole new level and write with a different level of deeper meaning and understanding. I have also encouraged myself to fix up my grammar and use a wider range of vocabulary to enrich my writing pieces. As you read my portfolio, it is very clear that I have made a lot of change from my basic high school writing and switching to English 1101 writing. My key to success in English 1101 was that I learned to pay attention to articles and to ask for help. I feel that it is necessary to read my portfolio in order to see that I have improved as a writer this semester. The encouragement and support from you as a teacher has definitely helped me and will continue to help me as I continue on to English 1102. You have inspired me to read articles and to see how I can personally relate to articles. My pieces in this portfolio may or may not need a little more work, but I have used my editing skills to show that I have improved this semester to revise my writing the best I can. Once you read my portfolio, you will be able to see how much I have worked and how hard I have worked in order to achieve success in your class. My least successful Article Response is called, “An Autism Success Story”. I wrote my article response from an Article called, “Autism’s First Child” by John Donovan and Caren Zucker. The article was first taking about the life of a man who has learned to live his life with Autism. The biggest problem that I faced revising this article response was figuring out what needed to be changed. While revising, I noticed that I had a lot of trouble paying attention to detail. I would put together sentences that only I would know what I was talking about in the sentence. For example, my very first sentence said, “In the article, “Autism’s First Child”, by John Donovan and Caren Zucker, the bring attention to the world of Autism.” The sentence just didn’t seem like it was pieced together correctly and it wasn’t descriptive enough for the reader to know what I was talking about. The article is not just about Autism and the people that have it, it was about how people with Autism can or have overcome this condition and can live normal lives. While revising I also was very wordy with my sentences and I didn’t use proper usage of punctuation. There have also been other times that I wrote the article using a lot of pronouns to try to get my
2
point across, but it was just lead to a bigger and wordier sentence. There have also been other instances where I didn’t include examples to support my argument which concluded into a poorly written article response. My most successful article response is called, “Undocumented: Struggling for Opportunities”. The original article was titled, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, by Jose Antonio Vargas and it was about his own story of coming to the United States illegally as a young boy and living his life illegally in America. The biggest problem he faced was convincing himself that just because he was an illegal immigrant, he could receive an education just like his fellow American classmates. This article response was much a harder than my previous article response, since it was my most successful. I had a lot of trouble letting myself go and make corrections instead of just thinking that it was the best pieces I’ve ever written. The biggest problem I faced while writing this article was my lack of attention to detail. In the first sentence, I wrote, “An article by Jose Antonio Vargas, called "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant", really expresses how hard immigration can be.” I wasn’t writing about the whole immigration process but about how immigrants face problems every day and try to convince themselves that they can be citizens even without documentation. I didn’t specify a lot in my sentences and it would make sentences too wordy. Since this article was very personal to me, I felt the need to write my opinions instead of writing about the author’s opinion and write about why his opinion and why his story was the most important to write about. My article response also lacked in the sentence structure area and I didn’t use proper usage of sentence structure. My most successful article essay is titled, “American Schools: A Selfish Dictatorship?” The original article was called, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, by Jose Antonio Vargas. As I was reading the article, it definitely brought many personal memories that I really wanted to write about. I began to think about how being a Hispanic American; I am surrounded by many people who have immigrated to the United States. My family immigrated here in the 80’s with legal papers but I’ve also known a few people that weren’t so lucky and they were here illegally but they were trying to receive a higher education. I thought about a close friend of mine named Maria. I wrote about how she tried to pursue a higher education and that she did everything she could to prove that she was capable of reaching her goals. In the essay, I had a lot of trouble with essay structure and staying on topic. I would often rant about how it wasn’t fair that she didn’t get citizenship and about how the United States would just turn immigrants away, such as in paragraphs 3-5. I did not pay close attention to detail and I had to rewrite a few sentences to make my paragraphs flow effectively to show how I related to the article. One of my biggest problems were to add supporting details and specify who I was talking about and why. I continued to revise my essay and I proved to show that I can make my sentences flow a little more clearer. Looking back at my portfolio, I’m nowhere near being a perfect writer. I definitely underestimate myself and don’t show a lot of confidence in my writing. I choose to play the safe way and not take any chances on my writing. I don’t like to raise the bar too often because I’m afraid it was backfire on me in the end. Raising the bar would’ve definitely made my writing pieces in English 1101 a lot stronger and more meaningful. I saw a trend in my writing from the beginning to the end of the semester. I saw that my pieces were receiving a grade of 80% probably since I didn’t pay close attention to detail and I didn’t want to get out of my comfort zone. Then I started
3
noticed that my writing grade was slowly declining into the 70s. I began to show a lack of effort and it definitely didn’t give me a higher grade in the end. I sincerely regret, not proving myself that I was actually a better writer than I showed. I wish I could’ve gone back to polish that sentence that I didn’t write to receive a few more points or to change that essay and to go into a different direction instead of just leaving it the way it was. You have given me the tools to become a better writer and have pushed me along the way to improve my writing. I regret not taking the opportunity to show that but I now have the tools for future success in English 1102. Looking back at what I did in English 1101, there are some things that I don’t regret. I don’t regret having the opportunity to learn and to grow from my mistakes. This class has shown me that everyone can write exquisite essays and to not get discouraged if I received a grade I thought I didn’t deserve. I hope to continue my journey to writing rich essays full of detail, structure, and extensive vocabulary and grammar. I would like to thank you for everything that you’ve done for me and for my writing. I hope my writing in English 1102 will show how I have improved due to the tools that I have to make my writing pieces that of a college student instead of that of a high school student. Sincerely, Jennifer Lopez
4
Least Successful Article Response
An Autism Success Story
Donovan, John, and Caren Zucker. "Autism's First Child." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly
Group, Oct. 2010. Web. 6 October 2011.
In the article, “Autism’s First Child”, by John Donovan and Caren Zucker, they bring
attention to the world of Autism. One in 110 children born in America are diagnosed with
Autism; the causes of Autism are still unknown. To name a few predictions, some believe that
the amounts of gluten in food, or the mercury, used in vaccines as a preservative are to blame.
Others believe that its just an autoimmune response. The mainstream consensus today defines it
as a neurological condition probably resulting from one or more genetic abnormalities in
combination with an environmental trigger. As children, doctors try to come up with ways to
help children grow, develop, and lead normal lives. In the article, the writers talk about how this
form of treatment may lead to better outcomes. They also write about allowing them to interact
with other people and to learn how to socially interact with people around them. The writers also
speak of a doctor, named Dr. Peter Gerhardt, who in his examinations claims that “teaching the
kinds of skills adults with autism need in order to survive independently: keeping track of
money, asking for directions and then following them, wearing clean clothes, navigating public
transport, recognizing a dangerous person, and—of extreme difficulty for most—looking a job
interviewer in the eye.” Gerhardt disputes the doubts he hears even within his profession about
encouraging adults with autism to aspire to independence.” Donovan and Zucker also write about
how we need to accept people with Autism into our world in order for them to fully understand
their way of life. In most cases, people with Autism live with relatives or friends and don’t learn
how to support themselves; their support systems don’t live forever.
5
Everyone must aid in helping people with Autism and socially accept them in order for
them to improve mentally. We don’t think about how people who are diagnosed with Autism as
children get when they reach adulthood. Most patients need a support system but their support
systems eventually die or leave them. Some with HFA, which stands for “high-functioning
autism”, may be able to lead normal lives. Those with more severe cases aren’t so lucky. Even
those who have HFA will require some support, and the needs of those with lower-functioning
varieties of autism will be profound and constant. For autistic patients to become socially
acceptable they must learn how to live independent lives. This does not mean pretending that
adults with autism do not need help. But it does mean replacing pity toward them with ambition
for them. The key to this view is to see that “they” are part of “us,” so that those who don’t have
autism are actively cheering for those who do. One of the symptoms of autism is their lack of
interest in people, which may make it more difficult for them to interact with others. In the
article, the writers say, “How we respond to those needs will be shaped in great measure by how
we choose to view adults with autism. We can dissociate from them, regarding them as tragically
broken persons, and hope we are humane enough to shoulder the burden of meeting their basic
needs.” Doctors can’t expect everyone to welcome patients with Autism. We ourselves as
humans must embrace others who need our help and show how caring and understanding we can
be.
6
Most Successful Article Response
Undocumented: Struggling for Oppurtunities
Vargas, Jose Antonio. "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant". The New York Times. The
New York Times Company, 22 June 2011. Web. 1 September 2011.
An article by Jose Antonio Vargas, called "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant",
really expresses how hard immigration can be. Over the years, immigration seems to have
become a problem, but most people do not see why immigrants come to the states. They are
looking for an opportunity to give their families a better future, especially young people who
want to get an education. In the article, Jose came to the states when he was a small boy. As he
grew up, he wanted nothing more than to be educated and to learn English, but his fake papers
were keeping him from doing so. He believes that our society feels that immigrants are a burden.
In the article, he writes, "I grew more aware of anti-immigrant sentiments and stereotypes: they
don’t want to assimilate, they are a drain on society. They’re not talking about me, I would tell
myself. I have something to contribute." (page 1). People in the United States don’t see how
much immigrants have contributed to our culture and our way of life. “We’re not always who
you think we are. Some pick your strawberries or care for your children. Some are in high school
or college. And some, it turns out, write news articles you might read. I grew up here. This is my
home. Yet even though I think of myself as an American and consider America my country, my
country doesn’t think of me as one of its own.” (page 1). The United States needs to welcome
immigrants, as they only wish to contribute to our economy and are willing to learn our culture.
The writer of, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, writes beautifully about the
struggles of illegal immigrants in the United States. They are automatically shunned from
society, and some don’t even want to know what their lives are about. Many immigrant families
7
are just like any American, they have families, want to provide for them, and go far in life as
well as in their careers. Life is hard in other countries and they come here to find better living
conditions. The United States government claims that we are the superior country, and they’re
right. Why else would so many people try to come into the United States? Papers are so difficult
to obtain, some take years even decades. Jose Antonio Vargas, himself, knows of the struggles to
living without papers and the fear of deportation. Jose writes, “There are so many students who
don’t have papers in the United States who only wish to get an education. The Dream Act, a
nearly decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for
young people who have been educated in this country. At the risk of deportation — the Obama
administration has deported almost 800,000 people in the last two years.” (page 1). There are
American students today that don’t even try in school and do not care for education, and there
are students that aren’t American and want nothing more but to learn. What’s the crime in that?
If American students don’t want to get an education, then the United States must at least allow
immigrants to come here to get an education to improve our future.
8
What’s The Difference?
For my most successful article response, I chose “Undocumented: Struggling for
Opportunity. I received a grade of a 8 out of 10 for this article response. In this article response, I
summarized how he overcame the feeling of not belonging in the United States and how he
wanted to prove to himself that he was capable of doing well in life. His determination was very
inspiring and moving. He was determined to prove to himself that he as capable of everything he
wanted to accomplish. In the second paragraph, I wrote about why his determination and his
opinion of passing the Dream Act so that able immigrant students can receive a higher education
due to their grades and not their legal status. I feel that I did a good job in showing the
knowledge that I had in this subject as well as showing that what the author had to stay really
mattered. I showed my examples really well and I supported his argument with quotes from the
article. I know that with putting a lot of detail into the response and supporting my arguments, it
was the best essay that I wrote.
My least successful essay was titled, “An Autism Success Story”. The original article is
titled “Autism’s First Child”. I received 7 out of 10 for this response. The article was about how
a man with autism learned to live a normal life by himself even though that most people with
autism need a support system to help them. He overcame his enormous obstacle by himself and
other doctor’s believed that autistic patients may be able to do that same as well. In the first
paragraph I summarized the article and talked about what the man did to learn how to live a
normal life. I also wrote about how doctors believed that showing those who have autism how to
live a normal life and exposing them to the real world can show to be beneficial for them. The
second paragraph, I supported the author’s argument with how social interactions with the public
and showing them that they can do things by themselves are the best for people with autism.
9
Most people don’t know of this condition and they may feel threatened by some of them things
that they do. I feel that I should’ve written with better detail and stayed on topic a little more. I
needed to polish my sentences better to make them cohesive with the rest of the response. This is
why this response was my weakest.
I’ve noticed a trend in my writing as I compared these two pieces of writing. I felt as
though I didn’t challenge myself or raise the bar to make more compelling arguments. I
definitely underestimate myself in my writing. I used a lot of unnecessary sentences and phrases
to beef up my responses. By doing so, I hurt my writing and I hurt my scores. I go off topic and I
can’t seem to stay on track and not go into another direction. I show a lack of detail and
information to support arguments. I do well with showing the information and showing that I
have a good grasp of what I’m talking about. I continued to write in the same form and write
almost the same for every response. All of my article responses showed weakness and definitely
needed some improvement in all areas. As soon as I saw a trend of 8s and 7s, I should’ve gone to
Dr. Horton to ask for help and for tips to improve my writing. I hope to continue to improve and
to seek help for my writing.
10
Least Successful Article Response
An Autism Success Story
Donovan, John, and Caren Zucker. "Autism's First Child." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly
Group, Oct. 2010. Web. 6 Oct.tober 2011.
In the article, “Autism’s First Child”, by John Donovan and Caren Zucker, they it brings
attention to the world of Autism and the people that have this condition. One in 110 children
born in America are diagnosed with Autism; the causes of Autism are still unknown. To name a
few predictions, some believe that the amounts of gluten in food, or the mercury, used in
vaccines, as a preservativpreservativee, are to blame. Others believe that it’s just an autoimmune
response. The mainstream consensus today defines it as a neurological condition probably
resulting from one or more genetic abnormalities in combination with an environmental trigger.
As children, doctors try to come up with ways to help children grow, develop, and lead normal
lives. In the article, the writers talk about how doctors are coming up with new ways to treat
children with Autismthis form of treatment may lead to better outcomes. They also write about
allowing them to interact with other people and to learn how to socially interact with people
around them. The writers also speak of a doctor, named Dr. Peter Gerhardt., who Iin his
examinations, he claims that “teaching the kinds of skills adults with autism need in order to
survive independently: keeping track of money, asking for directions and then following them,
wearing clean clothes, navigating public transport, recognizing a dangerous person, and—of
extreme difficulty for most—looking a job interviewer in the eye.” Gerhardt disputes the doubts
he hears even within his own profession about encouraging adults with autism to aspire to
independence.” Donovan and Zucker also write about how we need to accept people with
Autism into our world society in order for them to fully understand their way of life. Sometimes
Formatted: Font: Italic
Comment [GSC1]: I wanted to included this phrase because the article is not just about Autism and about the symptoms, it’s about the people that have it. Autistic patients have to go through many hardships in their lives. This article was primarily about a man who’s overcome this condition and has learned to live a regular life.
Comment [J2]: Didn’t specify what treatment I was talking about. The treatments are to expose them to skills that are needed to live normal and healthy lives.
11
people diagnosed with Autism can’t determine what is socially or morally correct. They may
seem as a threat to some who do not know of their diagnosis. In most cases, people with Autism
live with relatives or friends and don’t learn how to support themselves; their support systems
don’t live forever.
Everyone must aid in helping people with Autism and socially accept them in order for
them to improve mentally. We don’t think about how Autistic children will progress into
adulthoodpeople who are diagnosed with Autism as children get when they reach adulthood.
Most patients need a support system but their support systems eventually die or leave them.,
They are left to leaving them to learn on their own, and at times, they are too accustomed to
others giving them help, that they can’t do things for themselves. Some with HFA, which stands
for “high-functioning autism”, may be able to lead normal lives. Those with more severe cases
aren’t so lucky. Even those who have HFA, will need require some support, and the needs of
those with lower-functioning varieties of autism will be profound and constant. For autistic
patients to become socially acceptable they must learn how to live independent lives. This does
not mean pretending that adults with autism do not need help. But it does mean replacing pity
toward them with ambition for them. The key to this view is to see that “they” are part of “us,”
so that those who don’t have autism are activelyenthusiastically cheering for those who do. One
of the symptoms of autism is their lack of interest in people, which may make it more difficult
for them to interact with others. In the article, the writers say, “How we respond to those needs
will be shaped in great measure by how we choose to view adults with autism. We can dissociate
from them, regarding them as tragically broken persons, and hope we are humane enough to
shoulder the burden of meeting their basic needs.” Doctors can’t expect everyone to welcome
Comment [J3]: Examples of situations where they would seem as a threat and ways that they need to learn how to act in a social setting,
12
patients with Autism. We ourselves as humans must embrace others who need our help and show
how caring and understanding we can be.
13
Least Successful Article Response
An Autism Success Story
Donovan, John, and Caren Zucker. "Autism's First Child." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly
Group, Oct. 2010. Web. 6 Oct. 2011.
In the article, “Autism’s First Child”, by John Donovan and Caren Zucker, it brings
attention to the world of Autism and the people that have this condition. One in 110 children
born in America are diagnosed with Autism; the causes of Autism are still unknown. To name a
few predictions, some believe that the amounts of gluten in food, or the mercury, used in
vaccines, as a preservative are to blame. Others believe that it’s an autoimmune response. The
mainstream consensus today defines it as a neurological condition probably resulting from one or
more genetic abnormalities in combination with an environmental trigger. As children, doctors
try to come up with ways to help children grow, develop, and lead normal lives. In the article, the
writers talk about how doctors are coming up with new ways to treat children with Autism. They
also write about allowing them to interact with other people and to learn how to socially interact
with people around them. The writers speak of a doctor, named Dr. Peter Gerhardt. In his
examinations, he claims that “teaching the kinds of skills adults with autism need in order to
survive independently: keeping track of money, asking for directions and then following them,
wearing clean clothes, navigating public transport, recognizing a dangerous person, and—of
extreme difficulty for most—looking a job interviewer in the eye.” Gerhardt disputes the doubts
he hears even within his own profession about encouraging adults with autism to aspire to
independence.” Donovan and Zucker also write about how we need to accept people with
Autism into our society in order for them to fully understand their way of life. Sometimes people
diagnosed with Autism can’t determine what is socially or morally correct. They may seem as a
14
threat to some who do not know of their diagnosis. In most cases, people with Autism live with
relatives or friends and don’t learn how to support themselves; their support systems don’t live
forever.
Everyone must aid in helping people with Autism and socially accept them in order for
them to improve mentally. We don’t think about how Autistic children will progress into
adulthood. Most patients need a support system but their support systems eventually die or leave
them. They are left to learn on their own, and at times, they are too accustomed to others giving
them help, that they can’t do things for themselves. Some with HFA, which stands for “high-
functioning autism”, may be able to lead normal lives. Those with more severe cases aren’t so
lucky. Even those who have HFA, will need some support, and the needs of those with lower-
functioning varieties of autism will be profound and constant. For autistic patients to become
socially acceptable they must learn how to live independent lives. This does not mean pretending
that adults with autism do not need help. But it does mean replacing pity toward them with
ambition for them. The key to this is to see that “they” are part of “us,” so that those who don’t
have autism are enthusiastically cheering for those who do. One of the symptoms of autism is
their lack of interest in people, which may make it more difficult for them to interact with others.
In the article, the writers say, “How we respond to those needs will be shaped in great measure
by how we choose to view adults with autism. We can dissociate from them, regarding them as
tragically broken persons, and hope we are humane enough to shoulder the burden of meeting
their basic needs.” Doctors can’t expect everyone to welcome patients with Autism. We
ourselves as humans must embrace others who need our help and show how caring and
understanding we can be.
15
Most Successful Article Response
Undocumented: Struggling for OppurtunitiesOpportunities
Vargas, Jose Antonio. "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant". The New York Times. The
New York Times Company, 22 June 2011. Web. 1 September 2011.
An article by Jose Antonio Vargas, called "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant",
really expresses how hard immigration can be on foreigners immigrating to the United States
illegally. Over the years, immigration seems to have become a problem, but most people do not
see why immigrants come to the states. They are looking for an opportunity to give their families
a better future, Families, especially, want their young people children to receive a quality
education.who want to get an education. In the article, Jose came to the states when he was a
small boy. As he grew up, he wanted nothing more than to be educated and to learn English, but
his fake papers were keeping him from doing so. He believes that our society feels that
immigrants are a burden. In the article, he writes, "I grew more aware of anti-immigrant
sentiments and stereotypes: they don’t want to assimilate, they are a drain on society. They’re
not talking about me, I would tell myself. I have something to contribute." (page 1). People in the
United States don’t see how much immigrants have contributed to our culture and our way of
life. “We’re not always who you think we are. Some pick your strawberries or care for your
children. Some are in high school or college. And some, it turns out, write news articles you
might read. I grew up here. This is my home. Yet even though I think of myself as an American
and consider America my country, my country doesn’t think of me as one of its own.” (page 1).
The United States needs to welcome immigrants, as they only wish to contribute to our economy
and are willing to learn our culture. Most immigrants only wish to work hard to support their
families and to put food on the table just like us.
Comment [J1]: Needed to specify how immigration has an impact on immigrants especially when they’re illegal.
16
The writer of, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, gives the reader a first hand
perspective on illegal immigration and their motives for moving to America. writes beautifully
about the struggles of illegal immigrants in the United States. They are Americans who
automatically shunned immigrants from society, and some don’t even want to know what their
lives are about. Many immigrant families are just like any American, they have families, want to
provide for them, and go far in life as well as in their careers. Life is hard in other countries and
they immigrants come here to the United States to find better living conditions. The United
States government claims that we are the superior country, and they’re right. Why else would so
many people try to come into the United States? Papers are so difficult to obtain, some take years
even decades. Jose Antonio Vargas, himself, knows of the struggles to living without papers and
the fear of deportation. Jose writes, “There are so many students who don’t have papers in the
United States who only wish to get an education. The Dream Act, a nearly decade-old
immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for young people who
have been educated in this country. At the risk of deportation — the Obama administration has
deported almost 800,000 people in the last two years.” (page 1). There are American students
today that don’t even try in school and do not care for education, and there are students that
aren’t American and don’t want anything nothing more than to but to learn. What’s the crime in
that? If American students don’t want to get an education, then the United States must at least
allow immigrants to come here to get an education to improve our futuretheir future.
Comment [J2]: Part of original fragment
17
Most Successful Article Response
Undocumented: Struggling for Opportunities
Vargas, Jose Antonio. "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant". The New York Times. The
New York Times Company, 22 June 2011. Web. 1 September 2011.
An article by Jose Antonio Vargas, called "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant",
really expresses how hard immigration can be on foreigners immigrating to the United States
illegally. Over the years, immigration seems to have become a problem, but most people do not
see why immigrants come to the states. They are looking for an opportunity to give their families
a better future Families, especially, want their young children to receive a quality education. In
the article, Jose came to the states when he was a small boy. As he grew up, he wanted nothing
more than to be educated and to learn English, but his fake papers were keeping him from doing
so. He believes that our society feels that immigrants are a burden. In the article, he writes, "I
grew more aware of anti-immigrant sentiments and stereotypes: they don’t want to assimilate,
they are a drain on society. They’re not talking about me, I would tell myself. I have something
to contribute." (page 1). People in the United States don’t see how much immigrants have
contributed to our culture and our way of life. “We’re not always who you think we are. Some
pick your strawberries or care for your children. Some are in high school or college. And some, it
turns out, write news articles you might read. I grew up here. This is my home. Yet even though
I think of myself as an American and consider America my country, my country doesn’t think of
me as one of its own.” (page 1). The United States needs to welcome immigrants, as they only
wish to contribute to our economy and are willing to learn our culture. Most immigrants only
wish to work hard to support their families and to put food on the table just like us.
18
The writer of, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, gives the reader a first hand
perspective on illegal immigration and their motives for moving to America. They are Americans
who automatically shun immigrants from society, and don’t even want to know what their lives
are about. Many immigrant families are just like any American, they have families, want to
provide for them, and go far in life as well as in their careers. Life is hard in other countries and
immigrants come to the United States to find better living conditions. The United States
government claims that we are the superior country, and they’re right. Why else would so many
people try to come into the United States? Papers are so difficult to obtain, some take years even
decades. Jose Antonio Vargas, himself, knows of the struggles to living without papers and the
fear of deportation. Jose writes, “There are so many students who don’t have papers in the
United States who only wish to get an education. The Dream Act, a nearly decade-old
immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for young people who
have been educated in this country. At the risk of deportation — the Obama administration has
deported almost 800,000 people in the last two years.” (page 1). There are American students
today that don’t even try in school and do not care for education, and there are students that
aren’t American and don’t want anything more than to learn. What’s the crime in that? If
American students don’t want to get an education, then the United States must at least allow
immigrants to come here to get an education their future.
Lopez 19
19
Jennifer Lopez
Professor Horton
English 1101
September 19, 2011
American Schools: A Selfish Dictatorship? With Liberty and Justice for All…
In the article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, by Jose Antonio Vargas, he
writes about his life as an actual illegal immigrant and how he’s overcome overcame obstacles
growing up living in America. In his eyes, Hhis mother sent him off to a mysterious place that
he’s never been to before, to live with his grandparents to have a better life when he was just 12
years old. At the age of 16, he realized that all of his “documents” were false, which meant that
and he was going to be very restricted in how he lived for the rest of his life. On that day he was
determined that he would he wouldn’t let anyone tell him he wasn’t worthy of becoming a
citizen. During high school, his love for journalism kept him at school after hours and his
teachers saw great promise in him and encouraged him to go on to college and pursue a career in
the journalism field. To his dismay, he could not go to college since he couldn’t apply for
financial aid and his grandparents couldn’t afford to pay for him through college. Even though
many obstacles were ahead of him, Jose was determined that nothing would get in his way of
pursuing his dream of becoming a writer. After high school, he went on to land a job for a local
newspaper, The Mountain View Voice, as well as many other big newspapers such as the Seattle
Times, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Washington Post, Huffington Post and the New York
Times. In the article, he writes, “We’re not always who you think we are. Some pick your
strawberries or care for your children. Some are in high school or college. And some, it turns out,
write news articles you might read. I grew up here. This is my home. Yet even though I think of
Comment [J1]: Too wordy, needed revising
Comment [J2]:
Lopez 20
20
myself as an American and consider America my country, my country doesn’t think of me as one
of its own.” (Page 1). He paid his taxes and worked for several major newspapers but the only
thing that he didn’t have was his name on an official document. Many immigrants only wish to
come to the United States to give their children a better life, but it seems as though America
doesn’t really want them here or to welcome them here as their own. Each year hundreds of
thousands of young people come to the United States, only to receive a proper education but
each year some are deported back to their country to a life of poverty.
There was a girl that I met in high school my freshman year of high school, who shared
the almost the same story as Jose Vargas. Her name was Maria and I met her in my Business
class on the first day of school. It was a stressful time for all incoming freshmen but we became
ended up becoming the best of friends. She began telling me where she was from and about her
family. She immigrated here when she was 5 years old from Colombia. While discussing what
we wanted to do after high school, she said she was planning on pursuing Business
Administration in college. There were many students in our graduating class of 2011, but it
seemed as though Maria was one of the few who actually cared about going to school and I
thought that warning new things. She had everything put together and as a freshman in high
school, I had no idea what I was going to do in college. Through the years that I’ve gotten to
know her, I could see just how different she was from most of the students in our class. Maria
was ambitious, determined and studious. I would always try to ask her about college and things
of that nature but he didn’t seem to like the subject. I wasn’t going to push her too much though,
I could already tell that she got upset whenever I mentioned it. I just thought that maybe the topic
of college stressed her out a little so I continued to stay quiet.
Lopez 21
21
One day, while Maria and I were in Business class, I began listening to the sounds and
conversations around me and heard numerous unbelievable conversations. One of our classmates
said, “I’m not going to college because I’m just going to sell pot for the rest of my life and get
rich”. Another student beside me said, “This class is pointless, I’m just going to inherit my dad’s
restaurant and run it for the rest of my life”. Clearly, some students here in America are so blind
as to why we are educated in different fields of study. There are many students in the United
States that do not wish to learn or to pursue a higher educationThe. The point is to learn about
new careers and to explore new interests. Everyday our principal would remind us how bad our
test scores were, how many students would skip class, and how severe our punishment would be
if we did skip class. It was a waste of oxygen on his part. He couldn’t expect everyone to be on
the same level as the county standards. The numbers of students in In School Suspension were
increasing by the day. What kind of punishment is that? To not go to class and to sit in a room
and listen to music and play games? That is not a punishment, that’s a reward.
Students like Maria have to work so hard to maintain their GPA to receive a chance of
going to college. Why should the bothersome students disrupting the class affect her education?
And it’s not just the American student affected by the inconsiderate students. Foreign exchange
students as well as immigrants from other nations are influenced. Their families sent them here
to receive a better education and to learn the language like other students. America is supposed
to be a country of new opportunity and wealth. Instead, America is enriched with arrogance. In
2009, Maria told me that she was an illegal immigrant and I realized that her efforts go to college
were just leading her to disappointment. She couldn’t go to college and pursue her dreams of
owning her own business because her family didn’t have the money to send her and she couldn’t
apply for financial aid. She graduated with honors and is a prime example of how the school
Comment [J3]: This sentence is too general and gives a feeling of talking about every students in America. It doesn’t give good examples or any details to support my claim.
Lopez 22
22
systems in America waste their time of ignorant students who don’t have a care for education.
Maria graduated with honors and it showed how much she really wanted to go to college and to
make her parents proud. Like many other immigrants, all Maria wanteds is was a chance for a
better life and to receive a proper education but she can’t because America won’t treat her as if
she’s a citizen, even though she’s proven that she can work hard.
Maria graduated at the top ten of her class. She was junior and senior class president with
a 4.0 GPA. Whenever she is not babysitting, she likes to attend immigration rallies to show her
support and to rally wit other students who have been affected by the government. These
students show that they will stop at nothing for a shot at an education in the United States. In the
article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, Jose Antonio Vargas talks about a group of
four students who walked from Miami to Washington to lobby for the Dream Act, a nearly
decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for young
people who have been educated in this country. Their dedication and their want to learn just like
Maria should be proof enough to the government that they can rise above most. Maria spends her
time babysitting out of her home in Athens, GA to save up enough money until one day she can
have enough for a high education. She won’t stop for anything until the day comes for her
opportunity. She is too afraid to obtain papers for her to become a citizen here because the
government may find out of her legal status. She still sits at home waiting for her chance.
Immigrants that come to America wish to improve their lives and to live the American
Dream. There’s a reason why they come here and most Americans believe that they come here to
take our jobs. They are just like us; they wish to provide a better life for their families, and to
bring food to the table. Young people that want to go to college and pursue a degree should be
granted citizenship. Some students in the US today don’t even care to receive an education and
Comment [J4]: Too general.
Comment [J5]: Gives the feeling of a story.
Comment [GSC6]: Entire 5th paragraph was missing in order to complete the essay.
Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5"
Lopez 23
23
don’t take the opportunity to go to school for free. Why should we as taxpayers pay for them to
go to school if they don’t even want to sit in a classroom? Most immigrants hope for the passing
of the Dream Act, a nearly decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal
permanent residency for young people who have been educated in the United States. Even
though there is constant debate over whether it should be passed or not, there is still faith for
immigrant students. The citizens of the United States need to look at the potential of these young
people. Why should Maria, an honor student not be able to receive an education in the US just
because of her immigration status?
Formatted: Line spacing: Double
Lopez 24
24
Works Cited
Vargas, Jose Antonio. "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant". The New York Times. The New York Times Company, 22 June 2011. Web. 1 September 2011.
Formatted: Centered, Line spacing: single
Formatted: Font: Italic
Comment [GSC7]: Works Cited Page was left out.
Lopez 25
25
Jennifer Lopez
Professor Horton
English 1101
September 19, 2011
With Liberty and Justice for All…
In the article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, by Jose Antonio Vargas, he
writes about his life as an illegal immigrant and how he overcame obstacles living in America. In
his eyes, his mother sent him to a mysterious place that he’s never been to before, to live with his
grandparents to have a better life when he was just 12 years old. At the age of 16, he realized that
all of his “documents” were false, and he was going to be very restricted in how he lived for the
rest of his life. On that day he was determined that he would he wouldn’t let anyone tell him he
wasn’t worthy of becoming a citizen. During high school, his love for journalism kept him at
school after hours and his teachers saw great promise in him and encouraged him to go on to
college and pursue a career in the journalism field. To his dismay, he could not go to college
since he couldn’t apply for financial aid and his grandparents couldn’t afford to pay for him
through college. Even though many obstacles were ahead of him, Jose was determined that
nothing would get in his way of pursuing his dream of becoming a writer. After high school, he
went on to land a job for a local newspaper, The Mountain View Voice, as well as many other
big newspapers such as the Seattle Times, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Washington Post,
Huffington Post and the New York Times. In the article, he writes, “We’re not always who you
think we are. Some pick your strawberries or care for your children. Some are in high school or
college. And some, it turns out, write news articles you might read. I grew up here. This is my
home. Yet even though I think of myself as an American and consider America my country, my
Lopez 26
26
country doesn’t think of me as one of its own.” (Page 1). He paid his taxes and worked for
several major newspapers but the only thing that he didn’t have was his name on an official
document. Many immigrants only wish to come to the United States to give their children a
better life, but it seems as though America doesn’t really want them here or to welcome them
here as their own. Each year hundreds of thousands of young people come to the United States,
only to receive a proper education but each year some are deported back to their country to a life
of poverty.
There was a girl that I met in my freshman year of high school, who shared the almost the
same story as Jose Vargas. Her name was Maria and I met her in my Business class on the first
day of school. It was a stressful time for all incoming freshmen but we became the best of
friends. She began telling me where she was from and about her family. She immigrated here
when she was 5 years old from Colombia. While discussing what we wanted to do after high
school, she said she was planning on pursuing Business Administration in college. There were
many students in our graduating class of 2011, but it seemed as though Maria was one of the
few who actually cared about going to school and I thought that warning new things. She had
everything put together and as a freshman in high school, I had no idea what I was going to do in
college. Through the years that I’ve gotten to know her, I could see just how different she was
from most of the students in our class. Maria was ambitious, determined and studious. I would
always try to ask her about college and things of that nature but he didn’t seem to like the
subject. I wasn’t going to push her too much though; I could already tell that she got upset
whenever I mentioned it. I just thought that maybe the topic of college stressed her out a little so
I continued to stay quiet.
Lopez 27
27
One day, while Maria and I were in Business class, I began listening to the sounds and
conversations around me and heard numerous unbelievable conversations. One of our classmates
said, “I’m not going to college because I’m just going to sell pot for the rest of my life and get
rich”. Another student beside me said, “This class is pointless, I’m just going to inherit my dad’s
restaurant and run it for the rest of my life”. There are many students in the United States that
do not wish to learn or to pursue a higher education. The point is to learn about new careers and
to explore new interests. Everyday our principal would remind us how bad our test scores were,
how many students would skip class, and how severe our punishment would be if we did skip
class. It was a waste of oxygen on his part. He couldn’t expect everyone to be on the same level
as the county standards. The numbers of students in In School Suspension were increasing by the
day. What kind of punishment is that? To not go to class and to sit in a room and listen to music
and play games? That is not a punishment, that’s a reward.
Students like Maria have to work so hard to maintain their GPA to receive a chance of
going to college. Why should the bothersome students disrupting the class affect her education?
And it’s not just the American student affected by the inconsiderate students. Foreign exchange
students as well as immigrants from other nations are influenced. Their families sent them here
to receive a better education and to learn the language like other students. America is supposed
to be a country of new opportunity and wealth. Instead, America is rich with arrogance. In 2009,
Maria told me that she was an illegal immigrant and I realized that her efforts go to college were
just leading her to disappointment. She couldn’t go to college and pursue her dreams of owning
her own business because her family didn’t have the money to send her and she couldn’t apply
for financial aid.. Maria graduated with honors and it showed how much she really wanted to go
to college and to make her parents proud. Like many other immigrants, all Maria wanted was a
Lopez 28
28
chance for a better life and to receive a proper education but she can’t because America won’t
treat her as if she’s a citizen, even though she’s proven that she can work hard.
Maria graduated at the top ten of her class. She was junior and senior class president with
a 4.0 GPA. Whenever she is not babysitting, she likes to attend immigration rallies to show her
support and to rally wit other students who have been affected by the government. These
students show that they will stop at nothing for a shot at an education in the United States. In the
article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, Jose Antonio Vargas talks about a group of
four students who walked from Miami to Washington to lobby for the Dream Act, a nearly
decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for young
people who have been educated in this country. Their dedication and their want to learn just like
Maria should be proof enough to the government that they can rise above most. Maria spends her
time babysitting out of her home in Athens, GA to save up enough money until one day she can
have enough for a high education. She won’t stop for anything until the day comes for her
opportunity. She is too afraid to obtain papers for her to become a citizen here because the
government may find out of her legal status. She still sits at home waiting for her chance.
Immigrants that come to America wish to improve their lives and to live the American
Dream. There’s a reason why they come here and most Americans believe that they come here to
take our jobs. They are just like us; they wish to provide a better life for their families, and to
bring food to the table. Young people that want to go to college and pursue a degree should be
granted citizenship. Some students in the US today don’t even care to receive an education and
don’t take the opportunity to go to school for free. Why should we as taxpayers pay for them to
go to school if they don’t even want to sit in a classroom? Most immigrants hope for the passing
of the Dream Act, a nearly decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal
Lopez 29
29
permanent residency for young people who have been educated in the United States. Even
though there is constant debate over whether it should be passed or not, there is still faith for
immigrant students. The citizens of the United States need to look at the potential of these young
people. Why should Maria, an honor student not be able to receive an education in the US just
because of her immigration status?
Lopez 30
30
Works Cited
Vargas, Jose Antonio. "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant". The New York Times. The
New York Times Company, 22 June 2011. Web. 1 September 2011.