THE GRUNCH - ePerusal ePerusal These materials may be used only in conjunction with the licensed live stage performance of this play. You are prohibited under federal copyright law from using these materials without a valid and current license from Beat by Beat Press, exclusive licensing agents, and from reproducing and/or disseminating any part of these materials by any means whatsoever, including electronic transmission. Book, Music and Lyrics by Denver Casado & Betina Hershey Additional Material by Brian Dawson CALL EMAIL FOLLOW WEB www.bbbpress.com Purchased by Donna Cotterell, [email protected] #9371573
Transcript
THE GRUNCH - ePerusal
ePerusal
These materials may be used only in conjunction with the licensed live stage performance of this play. You are prohibited under federal copyright law from using these materials without a valid and current license from Beat by Beat Press, exclusive licensing agents, and from reproducing and/or disseminating any part of these materials by any means whatsoever, including electronic transmission.
Book, Music and Lyrics byDenver Casado & Betina Hershey
Additional Material byBrian Dawson
C A L L �����������E M A I L ��������������� ��
F O L LO W �������������������� W E B �www.bbbpress.com
SUMMARYInspired by “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”, THE GRUNCH tells the story of Rudy Grunch, a grumpy 6th grader who always feels like an outsider. When the entire school gets excited about the annual school musical, he comes up with a perfect plan to ruin it for everyone; he’ll steal the sets, costumes and lights the night before it opens. But will the spirit of theatre prevail?
SONGS (click to play in browser)
Only the Theatre for MeMore Like MeWe’re Gonna Write a MusicalHow Can a CriticJazz HandsThree Feet TallThree Feet Tall PlayoffThe Train to WhooverAll Part of the MagicIf You Love SomethingMore Like Me RepriseAll Part of the Magic RepriseThe Whoover MusicalAll Part of the Magic Finale
Part 2: FULL SCRIPT(click song titles to play MP3 in internet browser)
SCENE 1! (On the campus of WHOOVER ACADEMY. It’s the first day of school. HARPER and ! JAYDEN enter from opposite sides of the stage. HARPER is carrying a large binder of ! playbills and wearing large, over-the-ear headphones. JAYDEN runs up to HARPER ! when she notices him.)
! ! JAYDENWhat’s up Harper?! How was your summer?
! (HARPER nods to the music, not hearing her. JAYDEN mistakenly thinks he’s nodding to her.)
!! ! JAYDENDid your family take your annual road trip around the country checking out musicals?
! (HARPER nods to the music.)
! ! JAYDENThat’s awesome...I wish I could’ve gone. I bet you guys saw the touring production of WICKED?
! (HARPER nods to the music.)
! ! JAYDENAww, you’re SO lucky! Did your mom buy you the 5th Anniversary Special Edition CD?
! (HARPER continues to nod. JAYDEN begins to notice something is wrong.)! !! ! JAYDENUm...Harper?? HARPER! DUDE! Take your headphones off for once!!! ! HARPER (finally noticing him)Oh, Jayden, hey! Sorry, my mom just bought me the Wicked 5th Anniversary Special Edition CD! Sooooo good!!!
! ! JAYDENWell, glad to see you haven’t changed.
! ! HARPERYou gotta see my newest signed playbill...
! ! JAYDENWhoa...so how many playbills does that make now?
! ! HARPERThirteen...hundred!
! (RUDY GRUNCH, a grumpy 6th grader, saunters by.)
! ! JAYDENGrunch! You gotta check this out....!
(They show him the binder.)
! ! GRUNCHEh....So, wait. You’re telling me that you spent the WHOLE summer driving around the country watching musicals?
! ! JAYDENYea, isn’t Harper the luckiest?!
! ! GRUNCHMore like the lamest. Sounds like torture to me! Why couldn’t you spend your summer like a normal kid, Facebook-ing, playing video games, hanging out by the pool?
ONLY THE THEATRE FOR ME! (HARPER grabs GRUNCH by the shoulders and walks him downstage.)
! ! HARPEROh, Grunch, you just don’t understand.
! ! HARPERALL SUMMER LONG WHILE YOU’RE STUCK AT THE POOLI’M SINGING BROADWAY ALL DAYPRACTICING LINES, GETTING READY FOR SCHOOLWHERE I’LL BE REHEARSING THE NEXT WHOOVER PLAY
CUZ I COME ALIVE IN THE SPOTLIGHT!WHEN THE CURTAIN GOES UP, THINGS FEEL RIGHT!SO YOU SPEND YOUR SUMMER HOWEVER YOU PLEASEBUT IT’S ONLY THE THEATER FOR ME
! (The CURTAIN opens to reveal the entire WHOOVER DRAMA GROUP, arriving for their ! first day of school. HARPER and JAYDEN interact with each group as the song ! progresses, dragging GRUNCH along.)
! ! HARPERHey everyone! You guys all ready for this year’s show?!
! ! COLLIN (Obsessed with Shakespeare.)A thespian is ALWAYS ready!
! ! JAMIE (The costume designer.)I’ve totally been tracking all the latest costume trends from Paris.
! ! LESLIE (The leading lady.)I watched every Meryl Streep movie they have on NetFlix.
! ! GRUNCH (Walking off.)That’s my cue...have fun “pretending” guys.
! ! HARPER (Grabbing him and bringing him back.)Grunch, c’mon! You gotta join the club this year...it’s going to be amazing!
! ! DRAMA GROUPPICTURE THE AUDIENCE UP ON THEIR FEETYELLING AND CLAPPING FOR MOREPICTURE YOUR HEART, HOW IT’S SKIPPING A BEATYOU’RE RIGHT WHERE YOU WANTED TO BE, YEAH, YOU SOAR
CUZ WE COME ALIVE IN THE SPOTLIGHTWHEN THE CURTAIN GOES UP, THINGS FEEL RIGHTIF YOU WANNA SKIP IT, WELL, WE WON’T MAKE A FUSSBUT IT’S ONLY THE THEATER FOR US
! JAYDEN ME, I LOVE ALL THE JOY OF DISCOVERINGHOW OUR CHARACTERS FEEL
! RACHEL, ALLENWE BUILD SETS, FOCUS LIGHTS WHILE UNCOVERINGWHAT MAKES THEATER SEEM REAL!! COLLINSHAKESPEARE’S WISDOM, TO BE OR NOT TO BEYEAH, THAT MAKES ME COMPLETE
! LESLIE & JAVIERTHE PEOPLE SIT THERE STARING
! JAMIEWHILE ALL OF US ARE SHARING!! ALEX, ISADORA, CHRISA SONG AND DANCE SO DARING
! !! ! GRUNCHI will never, EVER have anything to do with your silly, fluffy plays!
! (GRUNCH sees MILLS, his younger cousin, who walks on.)
! ! GRUNCHMills, let’s go.
(GRUNCH & MILLS run off.)
! ! HARPERDon’t worry, they’ll come around. It’s SO good to be back together again!
! ALLUP ON THE STAGE YOU CAN BE SOMEONE NEWVILLAIN, OR HERO OR BRATCHANGE YOUR WHOLE BODY, YOUR CHARACTER, TOONOTHING I KNOW COULD FEEL BETTER THAN THAT
CUZ WE COME ALIVE IN THE SPOTLIGHTWHEN THE CURTAIN GOES UP, THINGS FEEL RIGHTWE STUDY EACH DAY SO WE’RE FULLY EQUIPPEDTO BE WHAT WE’VE DREAMT WE WILL BE
! JAYDEN, LESLIE, CHRIS, ALEX, ISADORA, ROBYNMAGICAL! ! RACHEL, JAMIEBEAUTIFUL! ! COLLIN, JAVIERDANGEROUS! ! HARPERSPECTACULAR! ! ALL DRAMA GROUPPERFECTLY FREE!CUZ IT’S ONLY THE THEATER, ONLY THE THEATERYES IT’S ONLY THE THEATER FOR ME!
SCENE 2! (Under the bleachers in the school gymnasium. GRUNCH and MILLS have made it their ! LAIR.)
! ! GRUNCHAt last! We’re away from that nonsense. All of these theater wanna-be’s singing and dancing are missing the entire point of what it means to be alive! Life is painful, it’s ugly, it’s disappointing...the exact opposite of a musical!
! ! MILLS They do have beautiful costumes every year.
! ! GRUNCHOh sure, beautiful costumes, and incredible sets, and sparkly lights....why don’t people appreciate true talent! Like the fact that I won the Whoover regional chess tournament last year. Did I get a write-up in the paper? Did I get flowers and balloons? Did I get hundreds of people showing up to my match and a standing ovation? No!!
! ! MILLSI was there.
! ! GRUNCHOf course you were, you’re my little cousin - Aunt Cathy says you have to stick with me.
! ! MILLSI just don’t get what bothers you so much about school musicals?
! ! GRUNCHWhere do I start?! The auditions, the fundraising, the endless morning announcements!! !
MORE LIKE MEOh Mills...I can already see it.
! ! GRUNCH! FIRST A CROWD RUSHING UP TO FIND OUT WHO’S BEEN CAST! AS IF NOTHING ELSE MATTERS AT ALL! THEN A GASP AND A SHRIEK AS THEY FIND OUT AT LAST! THEY GOT IN. THEN THEY FAINT IN THE HALL
! ! (Mockingly)! “OH, I DREAMT ABOUT THIS THE WHOLE SUMMER! AND AT LAST I AM FIN’LLY A STAR.! !! ! MILLS! I’M SO GLAD I GOT CAST! OOH, I’M HAVING BLAST!”
! ! GRUNCH! DON’T YOU FIND THEIR EXUBERANCE BIZARRE..!!!!
! THEY TAKE OVER THE GYM AND THE HALLS AND THE YARD! AS IF NOBODY ELSE NEEDS THE SPACE! THEY THINK EVERYONE’S GLAD BUT THEIR LOGIC IS MARRED! EVEN IF IT’S JUST ME THEY DISPLACE
! “OH, I LOVE MY WHOLE CAST AND DIRECTOR! YES, I FEEL LIKE WE’RE REALLY A TEAM
! ! MILLS! EVERY DAY WE REHEARSE! MEMORIZING EACH VERSE”
! ! GRUNCH! IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE ME WANNA SCREAM ! AHHHHH!
! ! APPLE (popping head onstage)Hey, you have a really powerful voice, you should join the school musical!
! (GRUNCH stomps toward APPLE which scares her away.)
! ! GRUNCHOut!
! ! MILLSI sill don’t understand why you’re so angry..isn’t your aunt a theatre critic in New York?! !! ! GRUNCHThat’s the other side of the family...wait a second...Mills, you’re brilliant!!! I can use her to ruin the musical forever!
! ! MILLSWhat?!
! ! GRUNCHYes...I’ll get my aunt to come see the musical, and somehow, someway, I’ll make sure they get the worst review ever! I’ve got it...
! FIRST I’LL ENTER THEIR CLUB WHILE I HIDE MY REGRETS! AND THEY’LL THINK THAT I DO LIKE THEIR PLAY! THEN ON OPENING NIGHT I’LL HAVE HIDDEN THEIR SETS! AND HAVE TAKEN THEIR COSTUMES AWAY!!
! AND MY AUNTIE WILL HATE THEIR PERFORMANCE! YES, SHE’LL CRUSH THE WHOLE GROUP WITH HER INK! I’LL HAVE DONE THE SCHOOL RIGHT
! I WILL SHOW THEM THE LIGHT! YES, I’LL SHOW THEM THAT MUSICALS STINK!
! I’LL HAVE WON! THEY’LL GO HOME AND STOP DREAMING! AND THE NEXT YEAR WILL BE SO SERENE! NO MORE PLAY, NO MORE SONG! NO MORE CLUB TO BELONG! THE WHOLE SCHOOL WILL BE MUCH MORE LIKE ME!! THE WHOLE SCHOOL WILL BE MUCH MORE LIKE ME!
SCENE 3! (First day of drama class. The WHOOVER DRAMA CLUB is anxiously hanging out in the ! theatre, which is also their rehearsal space. The JUNIOR STARS are part of the drama ! group, the shortest/youngest students. Class should have started 5 minutes ago.)
! ! JAYDEN (to HARPER)This isn’t like Mr. Martin to be late...what could be keeping him?
! ! HARPERHe’s probably finishing up photocopies of the new musical for this year. I can’t wait to find out what it is!
! ! JAYDENI still don’t see how it could ever top last year’s Sunday in the Park with Grade Schoolers.
! ! LESLIEIt’s true. People still compliment me on my inspired performance as the “hat”.
! ! JAYDENUh oh, here we go...
! ! LESLIEI truly dug deep for that performance. Hours and hours of method acting, spending time in every hat store from here to Chicago, absorbing every style, color, emotion! ! (Becomes a hat. Overly dramatically.) “Oh, madam, please.....would you wear me! Weaaaar meeee!!!!” (Falls to the floor.)
! ! COLLINWhile rehearsing Hamlet this summer doth thy director never show-ith, up-ith, late...ith! Huzzah!
! ! RACHELCollin, we all know you went to Shakespeare camp this summer but...doth thou have a life-ith?
! ! CHRISI just hope we’re out by the time ping-pong practice starts. Can’t wait to try out my hot new back spin!
! ! JAVIERHey, here comes Principal Augustus!
! (PRINCIPAL AUGUSTUS enters, carrying a letter and a photograph. He/she has a ! tendency to flub simple words.)
! ! PRINCIPAL AUGUSTUS Children, welcome back from your summer mutation! Er, summer gyration! Um, summer...vacation! Yes! Unfortunately, I have some news to report. This summer, your drama teacher Mr. Martin went to Hawaii on vacation. Well, according to this letter, he’s not coming back. It seems he found his calling as a...hula fire dancer.
!! (He holds up a large photo to the students. They lean forward to get a good look, !then ! lean back and collectively let out a quick sound of disgust.)
! ! COLLINThat withered elf-skinned mammet!
! ! PRINCIPAL AUGUSTUSSo, seeing as he usually writes the musical each year, it seems we have no choice but to...cancel the drama club all together.
! (A stunned 2-second pause. Then...)
! ! ALL DRAMA STUDENTS! (Overeacting in a HUGE way, falling all over each )No!! Nooo!!! Nooooo!!!! The horror! The agony! It can’t be! We’re ruined! My life is over! etc...
! ! PRINCIPAL! (Unsure of what to do, thinking off the top of his head.)Or...you could...write the show yourselves!
! ! LESLIEThe actors become the playwrights...how symbolic!
! ! PRINCIPALThe only thing is...you won’t really have a budget. Since we knew Mr. Martin wasn’t coming back we reassigned all of the drama funds to our football team.
! ! ROBYN (holding up the student handbook)Wait! According to Article 5, Paragraph 3 of the Whoover Academy Handbook, “...any teacher who moves to Hawaii to become a hula fire dancer must donate half their income to the annual musical.”
! ! CHRISBut how much is that?
! ! PRINCIPALI’d say about fifty...thousand dollars.
! ALL DRAMA STUDENTS! (A stunned 2-second pause, then...)Whoooo hoooo!!! Yes!!! We’re rich!! Etc.
! ! PRINCIPALWell, I’ll leave you guys to it. Good luck and remember...make this school muffins! Pizza! ...Proud!
! ! JAYDENThis is great and all, but how are we going to write a musical?
! ! CHRISYea, I struggled last night writing a one-page book report.
! ! HARPERGuys, don’t worry! I know every musical ever written, ever! They all follow the same format!
! ! LESLIEYea, how hard could it be? The South Park guys did it. (Mumbling of agreement.) Besides, I HAVE to have something to star in or this whole year will be a waste.
! ! RACHELYea, we just need to collaborate!
! ! HARPERAlex, you play piano, right? How are your skills?! ! !! ! ALEXWell, I just passed my Level 2 blue books.
! ! HARPERPerfect! Can you give us some tunes?
WE’RE GONNA WRITE A MUSICAL!! (ALEX goes over to the piano and starts playing a dramatic Chopin piece. Everyone ! looks worried.)
! ! HARPERUm...how ‘bout a little less Chopin (show-pan) and a little more Show-Tunes!! (ALEX starts playing in a more broadway style. Everyone starts getting excited.)Now we’re talking! Here we go!
! ! DRAMA GROUP! HEY WE’RE GONNA WRITE A MUSICAL, OH!! EVERYBODY WRITE A MUSICAL, HEY!! YEA WE’RE GONNA WRITE A MUSICAL! HERE WE GO
! GONNA START WITH THE PLOT TODAY, OH!! GONNA WRITE IT OUR OWN WAY! LET’S WRITE THIS SHOW
! ! HARPEROK, the first thing every musical has is a main character who wants something more than anything else in the world. And he must sing about it!
! ! COLLIN! ! !At shakespeare camp they always said “Write what you know.”
! ! RACHELWell, here in ________ [our town] we’re know for our________ [what our town is known for].!! ! LESLIEPerfect...A ________ [occupation]! I got it, I got it. Alex, give me something...hopeful!! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !! ! LESLIE (over dramatically)! ! ! ! ENSEMBLE! SOMEDAY I’ll MAKE THE PERFECT ________! ! ________! AND THEN OUR TOWN WILL REALLY THRIVE! ! REALLY THRIVE! AND THEN I’LL BE SO VERY HAPPY! ! ! HAPPY! OH WHAT A DAY TO BE ALIVE!! ! ! ! TO BE ALIVE! TO BE ALIVE!!! ! ! ! ! ! TO BE ALIVE!! ! ALLYea! Alright! Nice one! etc.
! ! HARPERAlright, now step two. We need something that gets in the way of her dream.! !! ! COLLINThe King of France!
! ! HARPER ! ! ! ! !No, no, something bigger!
! ! CHRISAn evil intergalactic space troupe who needs the ________ [thing your town is know for] for fuel to power their star cruisers!
! ! ALLYea!!
! !! ! JAVIERI know! Alex, give me something menacing!
! (ALEX begins to play something dark and menacing.)
! ! JAVIER & OTHER DRAMA KIDS (sing backup)!! HUM DUH DUM DUH DUM HA!
! ! JAVIER! WHAT’S THERE BELOW OUR SPACESHIP! ________ IS WHAT I SPY! FOR US TO RUN THIS GREAT SHIP! ________ WILL HELP US FLY! I’M SMART AND MEAN! I’M AN INTERGALACTIC - - STEALING MACHINE! CALL ME ALIEN SUPREME!
! ! ALL DRAMA KIDSYeah! Whoo hoo! Nice! etc.
! ! DRAMA GROUP! HEY WE’RE GONNA WRITE A MUSICAL, OH!! EVERYBODY WRITE A MUSICAL, HEY!! YEA WE’RE GONNA WRITE A MUSICAL! HERE WE GO
! GONNA START WITH THE PLOT TODAY, HEY!! GONNA WRITE IT OUR OWN WAY! LET’S WRITE THIS SHOW
! ! HARPERSo the evil space troupe steals the ________ [thing your town is know for], which puts our main character down in the dumps. We need something to inspire her to go after it again!
! ! RACHELWell, I know that when my Mom is sad, my Dad always cheers her up with flowers.
! ! HARPERPerfect! Who wants to be the flowers?
! (Everyone looks away.)
! ! ISADORATeach it to the Junior Stars! They love that stuff.! !! ! JUNIOR STARSNoooo!
! IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING - YOU’VE GOT TO GO AFTER IT! LOOK TO YOUR GUT! BE THE ONE WHO’S TRIED - EVERYTHING POSSIBLE! NO MATTER WHAT! ! add in OTHERS! THERE ARE THINGS OUT THERE - EVIL AND DANGEROUS! BUT YOU’LL GET BY!! DREAMS MAY COME TO YOU - LIKE YOU WANT THEM TO! IF YOU JUST TRY!
HARPERExcellent! Now the last thing we need is...! !! !! ! COLLINA knight in shining armor who rides in on his noble....
! ! CHRISOstrich!!
! ! COLLIN…ostrich. And our hero then pulls out his sword, bravely battles the intergalactic rogues, cheers up the fair maiden with a poem and sings:
! NO NEED FOR DISMAY! I’VE COME-ITH TO SAVE “AHHHH” THE DAY!! !! ! ALL! Alright, woo hoo! etc.
! ! HARPERYes! They gather the ________ [thing your town is know for], bring it back to ________ [your hometown], and then the entire cast stands in a line across the stage for a huge finale! (pointing to Alex) Key change!
! ! LESLIE & GROUP 1! ! ! ! ! GROUP 2! BELIEVE, YOU MUST BELIEVE IN DREAMING! ! HEY WE’RE GOING TO ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! WRITE A MUSICAL, OH!! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! EVERYBODY WRITE A ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! MUSICAL, HEY!! OR YOU WILL NEVER FIND THE DRIVE! ! ! GONNA START WITH THE ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! PLOT TODAY, HEY!! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! GONNNA WRITE IT OUR ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! OWN WAY!! AND WITH SOME FRIENDLY FLOWER SCHEMING! SCHEMING.
SCENE 4! (New York City. Underground in the 42nd Street subway station. As the underscoring ! plays, the critics one by one suspiciously begin to enter the scene from all different ! directions. They are dressed incognito, with large trench coats, sunglasses with ! mustaches attached and hats. After awhile they all gather near one bench. They look ! around, then:
! NY MAG (loud whisper)Password?!
! ALL CRITICSBravissimo!
! NY MAGWhew, I think we’re safe. You can take off your disguises.
! (THE CRITICS remove their trenchcoats. Each critic is wearing a large identification ! badge with the name of each newspaper clearly visable.)
! VARIETY !Remind me again why you’re having us meet down here in the 42nd street subway station?
! NY TIMESAs the nation’s top theatre critics, we can’t let it be known that our jobs are on the line!
! BACKSTAGETell me about it?! I've been moonlighting as a saxophone player in the streets just to make ends meet.
! NY POSTWe must find ways to bring new energy into our reviews, or soon we may have to..actually PAY for theatre tickets!
! ALL CRITICS (as a dramatic sigh)Ohhhh! Noo! Anything but that! etc.
! NY MAGLet’s begin with a roll call. Mrs. Grunch, of the New York Times?
! NY TIMESIndeed, I am present, and am begging you to entertain me.
! NY MAGVariety?
! VARIETY Now this is the grit that we need to bring back into theatre!
! NY MAGNew York Post?!! NY POST (studying the surroundings)These sets must have gone WAY over budget! I’m calling their accountant...
! NY MAGAnd...Backstage?
! BACKSTAGEPresent!
! NY MAGGreat, who would like to begin?
! BACKSTAGEI would! The problem is not with our reviews, but it’s with the plays we’re reviewing!
HOW CAN A CRITIC! NY TIMESIt’s true - I’m still trying to forget what I saw last night... “Tax Codes...the Musical”. Just what has theatre come to?
! NY TIMESHOW CAN A CRITIC BE A GOOD CRITICWHEN EVERYTHING PUTS US TO SLEEPIT’S DIFFICULT WRITING REVIEWSWHEN EVERY NIGHT WE’RE COUNTING SHEEP! !! NY MAGHOW CAN A CRITIC BE GOOD A CRITICWHEN NOTHING WE SEE IS TOP NOTCH.IF NOTHING IS WORTHY OF PRAISEOUR READERS HAVE NOTHING TO WATCH!
! ALLOOOH, HOW WE LONGFOR A SHOW SO STUNNINGSOMETHING SO FRESHWE COULD YELL “TOP RATE!”SOMETHING SO STRONGWE’D LEAVE LEAPING AND RUNNINGWITH NOT ONE THING IN IT TO HATE
! VARIETYBUT HOW CAN A CRITIC BE A GOOD CRITICWHEN NOTHING WE SEE’S WORTH A DIME?
! ALLWE’D BE OF MORE USE SHINING SHOESOR BETTER YET TAKING A SNOOZEBUT STILL WE KEEP WRITING AND UTTERLY WASTING OUR TIME
! (NY TIMES’ cell phone rings. The ringtone is the “Chicken Dance.” She looks ! embarrassed for a second, and then:)
! NY TIMESOne moment. (Holds the phone up to here ear.) Hello? Rudy Grunch, so nice to hear from you! Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh uh huh uh huh....yes! (Hangs up the phone.) Perhaps I have just what we all need... something fresh, new and dazzling!
! BACKSTAGEMusicville??
! NY TIMES Better! But we’ll have to leave NYC to see it.
! NY POST?Where is it?
! NY TIMES At the Whoover Academy, in _______[your town]. My nephew goes to school there. Apparently this new theater group is onto something, and WE are going to go review it!
! VARIETYAt last! Let your nephew know that we’re all coming!
! ALLOOOH, HOW WE LONGFOR A SHOW SO YOUTHFULSOMETHING SO FRESHWE COULD YELL “TOP RATE!”SOMETHING SO STRONGSOMETHING HEART-FELT AND TRUTHFULWITH NOT ONE THING IN IT TO HATE
AND THAT’S HOW A CRITIC STAYS A GOOD CRITICWE TRY ANY PLAY THAT SOUNDS SMART!WHOOVER SCHOOL, HERE WE COMEREADY TO STOP FEELING NUMBAND HOPING TO FIND YOU’VE CREATED A TRUE WORK OF ART!
SCENE 5!! (It’s two weeks into rehearsal and the WHOOVER DRAMA CLUB is busy !rehearsing ! preparing for the musical. Some kids are practicing choreography, others !working on ! costumes, ALLEN is tinkering with lighting gels, ALEX is notating some music ! at the ! piano. The JUNIORS STARS are optional to have in this scene. There’s a very ! happy ! busy-ness feeling. The following dialogue should happen rapid fire.)
! (ISADORA is at the piano standing over ALEX.)
! ! ISADORAThat’s great, but is it possible to add another eight counts into the evil robotic dream sequence?
! ! ALLEN (holding a few gels)What shade of purple should we use for the finale?
! ! ROBYNDid anyone rewrite the flower dialogue yet?
! ! CHRISWorking on it!
! ! COLLIN (in his own corner)The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue!
! ! JAYDENEnsemble!
! ! ALL ACTORSWe’re heeere!! !! ! JAYDENAlright team, we’re two weeks into rehearsal and I thought I’d call us all together to see how things are developing. Costumes?
! ! JAMIE!The sequins are being imported from Milan as we speak!
! ! JAYDENOhh...nice. Sets?!! ! RACHELWe’ve had some issues with the flying rig...but should have it worked out shortly!
! ! JAYDENGreat. Intergalactic ensemble?
! ! INTERGALACTIC ENSEMBLE (they sing and dance)! HUM DUH DUM DUH DUM HA!
! ! JAYDENFabulous! Team, I can’t say how proud I am of the work we’ve done so far. This show is by far going to be the best....!! (Suddenly they are interrupted by PRINCIPAL AUGUST who barges in the door.)
! ! PRINCIPAL AUGUSTUS (offstage)Children! A special announcement. I just received word that every top theatre critic in New York City will be coming to _______ [your town] to see your little show. It seems your newest cast-mate, Grunch, has some deep connections! His aunt is the head critic of the New York Times! Well, gotta go polish my stapler. Augustus, out!
! (PRINCIPAL AUGUSTUS exits as quickly as he entered.)
! (Same stunned pause as before, then...)
! ! ALLWhoo hoo!! Yay!! Etc.
! ! LESLIEFinally, we’re going to be famous!
! ! JAVIERAnd talked about!
! ! COLLINThree Huzzahs for Grunch!
! ! ALLHuzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
! ! GRUNCH(grunts.)
! ! RACHELHey Grunch, you never actually told us. Why did you decide to join our play in the first place?! ! ! ! ! ! ALLENWas it the excitement of rehearsals leading up to opening night?
! ! JAMIEThe depth of the language?
! ! ROBYNThe sense of community?
! ! GRUNCHHmph. I needed the extra credit to pass English.
! !! ! RACHELAww, Grunch...you need to lighten up.
! ! JAMIE !Yea, life is good, life is grand! There’s no need to be so grumpy all the time.
! ! HARPERYou know, in theatre we have this little “trick of the trade” we use to make us feel better when we’re feeling down.
JAZZ HANDS! (Music bump. The DRAMA GROUP starts gathering around him.)
! ! GRUNCHUh oh.
! ! HARPER !It doesn’t take much, but it works every time.
! (Music bump.)
! ! GRUNCHNo...no...I know what’s happening...
! ! HARPERWhy, I think now might be the perfect time to teach you about it.
! (By this time they are all surrounding him. The following song sounds suspiciously ! familiar to “All That Jazz” from Chicago.)
! ! GRUNCHPlease don’t.
! HARPER! WHEN YOU WAKE UP FEELING CLOUDY! LIKE YOUR DAY AIN’T GOT NO BLISS! JUST THROW UP YOUR HANDS IN A FIST OF RAGE! AND WIGGLE YOUR FINGERS...LIKE THIS!! ‘CAUSE...
! ! ! ALL DRAMA GROUPNOTHING ELSE WILL CHEER YOU UP LIKE THOSERAZZLE, DAZZLE... JAZZ HANDSLIKE A RAINBOW, THEY SHIMMER IN THE LIGHTYOU MIGHT BELIEVE WE’RE STRANGE ... BUTYOUR MOOD WILL REARRANGE... YEAH
STAND WHERE THE COOL KID STANDSWITH YOUR JAZZ HANDS
! GRUNCHI just remembered. I gotta go polish my chess pieces.
! ! ALLENYou can’t leave now. We’re just getting started!!! ! ALL DRAMA GROUP
SO YOUR HOMEWORK FLEW AWAY, GO ONSHAKE-A-SHAKE THOSE... JAZZ HANDSTEACHER, TEACHER, FORGIVE ME PLEASE, YOU ’LL SAYNO TEACHER CAN RESISTTHAT SPECIAL SHAKE AND TWISTGOODBYE TO REPRIMANDSWITH YOUR JAZZ HANDS
!! ! HARPERAnd that’s just the basics. The more advanced you get, the more “jazzy” things you can do. Guys, let’s show ‘em what we got.
! CHRISOH, I LIKE TO SHAKE ‘EM WHILE I STOMP MY FEET!! ALLJAZZ HANDS!! JAMIEOH, I GOTTA SHAKE THAT HELPS ME TEXT AND TWEET!! ALLJAZZ HANDS!! LESLIETRY UNDERNEATH YOUR KNEE! JAVIEROR UPSIDE DOWN LIKE ME!! ALEXBEST WAY TO COOL THE HEAT! ALLUSE YOUR... JAZZ HANDS
! ! ROBYNHey, did anyone think about the fact that one negative review from the New York Times could ruin our program forever!?
! ! CHRISYou mean, critics are allowed to write bad things about kids?!! ! ROBYNYou should’ve read what they wrote about the drama group in New Jersey...those kids never sang again, not ever in the shower.
! ! HARPERGuys...don’t worry! Remember....(Waves his jazz hands.)
WHEN THE CRITICS COME TO TOWN, WE’LL JUST! ALL SHAKE-A-SHAKE OUR... JAZZ HANDS! HARPERAND I’LL BETCHA THAT LUCK IS ON OUR SIDE! ALLNO MATTER WHAT THEY SAYWE’LL ALWAYS BE OKSOMEHOW, WE’LL STILL HAVE FANSWITH OUR JAZZ HANDS
C’MON GRUNCH GIVE IT A TRYWE’RE YOUR FRIENDS SO DON’T BE SHYUSE YOUR JAZZ HANDS .... JAZZ HANDS!
SCENE 6! (ISADORA and MRS. WOODS are rehearsing the JUNIOR STARS’ flower song. They ! begin singing it with lackluster volume and choreography.)
! ! ISADORACome on, Junior Stars! Put some heart and soul into your voices! Mrs. Woods? Some help?
! ! MRS. WOODSMy darlings, my precious flower petals... you don’t seem to be living up to your flower-ific potential.
! (PRINCIPAL AUGUSTUS enters, sees the rehearsal going on and tries to bolt the other ! way. Mrs. Woods notices him.)
! ! MRS. WOODSOh! Principal Augustus. Would you please come over here and help inspire our little ones to be the best flowers that they can be!
! ! PRINCIPLE AUGUSTUSYes, of course, ahem. Remember kiddies, there are no small parts, there are only small beavers. Er...lightbulbs! Um...actors! Well, I must get going...
! ! PIPWaaaaaaiiitt!!!
APPLEPrincipal Augustus, Mrs. Woods, we have something to say.! !! ! TOTSomething that we’ve been wanting to say for a looooong time.
! ! RIBBONYou see, the thing is, we have a BIG problem with our characters in the musical.
ISADORABut I thought you were thrilled to be part of the show?
! ! PIPWe were, until we learned we’d playing flowers....again!!
! ! APPLEYea! We were daisies in kindergarten, tulips in first grade, sunflowers in second grade, and now......wildflowers? Enough with the flowers already!!
THREE FEET TALL! ! RIBBONIt’s about time somebody wrote us a song that shows how we really feel!
! ! JUNIOR STARS! SEEMS LIKE ! ALL WE EVER SING ARE SONGS ABOUT BEING HAPPY! ALL WE EVER SING ARE SONGS THAT MAKE YOU SMILE! ALL WE EVER SING ARE SONGS ABOUT BLUEBIRDS AND SUNSHINE! HOW ‘BOUT EVERYBODY LISTEN TO US AWHILE
! WE WANT TO SING ABOUT! WHY THE CHOCOLATE MILK IS OH SO HARD TO OPEN!! WILL WE EVER GROW, WHO KNOWS, BUT HERE’S TO HOPIN’!! MOM! IT’S SO EMBARRASSING TO HOLD HANDS AT THE MALL!! YEA THAT’S WHAT YOU SING, WHEN YOU’RE 3 FEET TALL!
! BUT! THEN WE GO TO SCHOOL AND LEARN NEW SONGS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP! THEN WE GO TO SCHOOL AND SING ‘BOUT RIGHT AND WRONG! THEN WE GO TO SCHOOL AND GET DRESSED UP AS MUNCHKINS AND ! ! FLOWERS! HOW ‘BOUT EVERYBODY LET US WRITE OUR OWN SONG
! WE’D WRITE A SONG ABOUT! THAT KID CRAIG WHO ALWAYS STEALS OUR BALL AT LUNCHTIME! SURE I LIKE TO PICK MY NOSE, BUT IS IT A CRIME!?! DAD! YOU THINK YOU’RE FUNNY BUT YOU’RE REALLY NOT AT ALL!! YEA, THAT’S WHAT YOU SING, WHEN YOU’RE 3 FEET TALL!
! OH WHY CAN’T WE! ! GROUP 1! RIDE A ROLLER COASTER?!! ! ALL! OH WHY CAN’T WE! ! GROUP 2! ORDER GROWN UP MEALS?!! ! ALL! PLEASE DON’T BUY ME! ! GROUP 3! ONE MORE SPONGEBOB POSTER! ! ALL! JUST KNOW HOW IT FEELS, TO
! ALWAYS BE THE ONE WHO HAS TO SIT IN THE MIDDLE! ALWAYS BE THE ONE WITH ICE CREAM WHEN WE’RE SAD! ALWAYS BE THE ONE WHO GETS TUCKED IN WITH STORIES, AND KISSES.! HM, MAYBE BEING LITTLE REALLY AIN’T SO BAD! MAYBE BEING LITTLE REALLY AIN’T SO BAD
! (The Junior Stars suddenly have a change of heart.)
! ! PIPYou know, we could do flowers for another year.
! ! APPLEYea, I’m good with flowers.
! ! TOTYou good with flowers?
! ! RIBBONYea, I’m good. You guys good?
! ! ALL JUNIOR STARSYea, yep, good here, sounds like a plan, etc. !! ! PRINCIPLE AUGUSTUSWell, my work is done here, another conflict resolved by the magic of musical theatre. Augustus, out!
! (PRINCIPAL AUGUSTUS EXITS.)
! ! ISADORA (looking at watch) Glad you came around. (Looking at watch) Oh! Time to go rehearse the evil space dance!
! ! MRS. WOODSAnd I’m late for lunch duty!
! ! RIBBONBut who will give us feedback?
! ! MRS. WOODSWhy don’t you go ask Grunch? He usually says it like it is. Ta ta!
THREE FEET TALL PLAYOFF!! (ISADORA and MRS. WOODS EXIT. The JR STARS slowly turn toward the audience.)! !! ! JUNIOR STARS! WE LIKE TO SING ABOUT...! WHY OUR CHAIRS ARE ALWAYS SMALLER THAN THE OTHERS
! WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH STINKY SMELLY OLDER BROTHERS?! SURE! WE’VE GOT SOME PROBLEMS BUT WE’RE HAPPY TO BE SMALL! YEA THAT’S WHAT YOU SING! THAT’S WHAT YOU SING! YEA THAT’S WHAT YOU SING! WHEN YOU’RE THREE FEET TALL!
SCENE 7 ! (The CRITICS are on the train headed to Whoover Academy. They’re all reading ! papers. The following scene plays out in rhythm a la the opening train scene in “The ! Music Man”.)
THE TRAIN TO WHOOVER! ! CONDUCTORAll aboard, train 48 to ______ [name of your town]! All aboard!
! !! ALL CRITICS:!! Trash in the articles,! ! ! ! Trash in the papers,! ! ! ! Cash for the word count,! ! ! ! Cash for the writers.! ! ! ! Cash for the editors, the copiers, the critics.
! NY MAG:! ! Whatdya read?! BACKSTAGE:! Whatdya read?! NY POST:! ! Whatdya read?! NY TIMES: ! ! Whatdya read?
! BACKSTAGE:! Hear they’re gonna lay off 18 writers! NY MAG:! ! 18?! NY POST:! ! 19? ! NY TIMES:! ! 16?! BACKSTAGE:! 24!
! ALL CRITICS:!! What’s gonna happen?! ! ! ! What’s gonna happen?! ! ! ! What’s gonna happen after that?
! NY POST:! ! Maybe this play could save our jobs!! NY MAG:! ! Do you think?! NY TIMES:! ! Do you think?! BACKSTAGE:! Do you think, it could?! ALL CRITICS:!! Yessss, ma’am.! ! ! ! Yessss, ma’am.
! NY POST:! ! It’s gotta be good to keep our jobs.! ALL CRITICS:!! It’s gotta be good to keep our jobs!
VARIETY: But it’s written by the students!
! NY TIMES:! ! Well I heard they gotta plot with pretty flowers!! NY MAG:! ! Flowers?! BACKSTAGE:! Flowers?
! NY TIMES:! ! And they’ve been rehearsing umpteen hours!! NY MAG:! ! Hours?! BACKSTAGE:! Hours?! NY POST:! ! Hours?! ALL CRITICS:!! Flowers!
! NY MAG:! ! Gotta new kid by the name of Grunch.! BACKSTAGE:! Gotta a new kid by the name of Grunch?! ALL CRITICS:!! Yessss, ma’am!! ! ! ! Yessss, ma’am!! NY MAG:! ! But I heard he doesn’t like the stage.! ALL CRITICS:!! Noooo ma’am, noooo ma’am!
! NY TIMES:! ! Well it doesn’t really matter cause I heard it’s good.! ALL CRITICS:!! How good?! NY TIMES:! ! Good, good.
! NY POST! ! It’s gotta be good to keep our jobs.! ALL CRITICS:!! It’s gotta be good to keep our jobs!
VARIETY:! But it’s written by the students!
! BACKSTAGE:! Anyone know about the sets and lights?! NY POST:! ! Heard they got lights from across the pond! ALL CRITICS:!! Big budget!! ! ! ! Big budget!! NY POST:! ! Alien lights, with a moonbeam glow and a twinkle and a sparkle ! ! ! ! and a sheet of snow.! NY TIMES:! ! Snow? ! NY MAG:! ! Snow?! BACKSTAGE:! Real snow?!! NY TIMES:! ! Well it doesn’t really matter cause I heard it’s good.! ALL CRITICS:!! How good?! NY TIMES:! ! Good, good.
! NY POST:! ! It’s gotta be good to keep our jobs.! ALL CRITICS:!! It’s gotta be good to keep our jobs!! ! ! ! Yes ma’am. Yes ma’am. (slowing down.)! ! ! ! It’s gotta be good to keep our jobs.! ! ! ! Yes ma’am. Yes ma’am. Yes ma’am. Yes ma’am.
SCENE 8 !! (The theater space. RACHEL is laying down tape, setting down marks for the sets. ! ALLEN is up on a stool, with a screw driver adjusting lights. JAMIE is working on the ! costumes. It’s quiet. All of a sudden we hear the roar of the paparazzi and camera ! flashes offstage as JAVIER and LESLIE rush in.)
! ! JAVIER No more questions please! No comment! I have to get back to class!!
! ! LESLIEThank you, thank you - you’re all so sweet. We’ve gotta run. Call my press agent!!!
! ! JAVIERWhoa, that was crazy! Who would’ve thought that having a few New York critics come review our show would cause such a media frenzy?
! ! LESLIEI’m not shocked in the least, it’s about time our talent is recognized for what it is.
! ! JAVIERSets are looking good Rachel.
! LESLIEAllen, make sure you use a soft glow for my final solo number. Thanks sweetie!!
! (An aggressive REPORTER barges in. LESLIE and JAVIER notice and immediately ! EXIT.)
! ! JAVIER & LESLIEQuick, let’s go!
! ! REPORTER (running up to RACHEL)Excuse me, can I bother you for a comment? What character do you play in the musical?
! ! RACHELOh no, I’m not an actor.
! ! REPORTEROh, you must be a writer! How’s it feel to have written the most talked-about musical since __________ We Are Monsters?! [insert last year’s school musical]
! ! RACHELWell, I’m not a writer either.
! ! REPORTERSo, you’re not an actor, you’re not a writer...what exactly do you do?
! ! REPORTERThat’s it? Don’t you get jealous of Leslie and Javier getting all the attention?
IT’S ALL PART OF THE MAGIC! ! RACHELNot at all.
YOU CAN FIND ME BEHIND THE SCEN’RYSTANDING FIRM TILL I HEAR MY CUEMOVING PLATFORMS AND BITS OF GREEN’RYMAKING SURE NOTHING FALLS ON YOU
YOU MIGHT IMAGINE THAT MY ARMS GET PRETTY TIREDAND YES THEY DO, BUT I DON’T MIND
CUZ IT’S ALL PART OF THE MAGICIT’S MUCH MORE THAN MUNDANEIT’S ALL PART OF THE MAGICTHE MAGIC OF HELPING TO ENTERTAIN
! ! ALLENNOTHING HAPPENS IN UTTER DARKNESSSO THEY NEED ME TO SHED SOME LIGHT UP I CLIMB WITH MY BULBS AND COLORSSWITCHING GELS TIL I GET IT RIGHT
! RACHEL & ALLENYOU MIGHT FORGET ME WHILE I’M UP THERE ON THAT LADDERBUT STILL I’M PROUD OF WHAT I DO
CUZ IT’S ALL PART OF THE MAGICIT’S MUCH MORE THAN MUNDANEIT’S ALL PART OF THE MAGICTHE MAGIC OF HELPING TO ENTERTAIN
! !! ! RACHEL & ALLEN & JAMIE
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID I NEVER REALLY KNEWBEING SO BEHIND THE SCENES IS WHAT I’D WANT TO DOMOST KIDS DREAM OF BEING STARS AND HOPE FOR SOMETHING MOREBUT I TAKE PRIDE IN WHAT I DO ALTHOUGH IT’S QUITE OBSCURE
SCENE 9!! (It’s the day before opening night. The final dress rehearsal is tonight. GRUNCH and ! MILLS are in their lair in the gym.)
! GRUNCHAt last Mills, like a perfect game of chess, all of the pieces are in place. Now, let’s go over the strategy for tonight, play by play. At 7pm...
! ! MILLS...the drama group gathers for their final dress rehearsal.
! ! GRUNCHAt 10pm...
! ! MILLSWe hide until the drama group goes home.
! GRUNCHYes, and then...at 10:30pm...
! ! MILLSWe go for ice cream.
! ! GRUNCHNo!!! We grab the props, sets and costumes and stash them away in here where no one will find them! Then we go back to lock the lighting board and unplug the sound system, leaving them with only a dark, empty, silent theatre when they arrive for opening night.
! ! MILLSCheckmate!
! ! GRUNCHPrecisely.
! (The JUNIOR STARS CHORUS enters, not seeing GRUNCH and MILLS in their Lair. ! They start searching everywhere for GRUNCH.)
! ! PIPGrunch! Gruuuuunch??
! APPLEWe need you!
! GRUNCH(Freezes, indicating to MILLS to be quiet) Why are they calling for me?
! ! TOTMrs. Woods said you’d help us with our flower song before our opening tomorrow...
! ! GRUNCH & JR STARS! IT’S SCARY YES AND SO CONFUSING! BUT YOU JUST CAN’T SIT AND CRY WHEN YOU ARE LOSING
! (The song pauses. GRUNCH starts weeping a little. Everyone looks at him.)
! ! RIBBON!Grunch, are you ok?
! ! GRUNCHYes...um, ahem... I’m fine. Keep going!
! ! JR. STARS IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING YOU’VE GOTTA GO AFTERGO NOW! DON’T WAIT!COME ON, LIFT YOUR HEAD - GATHER YOUR COURAGE ANDWALK OUT THAT GATE!THERE ARE THINGS OUT THERE - EVIL AND DANGEROUSBUT YOU’LL GET BY!DREAMS MAY COME TO YOU - LIKE YOU WANT THEM TOIF YOU JUST TRY!
! (The JUNIOR STARS run to GRUNCH and give him a big hug. He looks truly touched.)
! ! APPLEThanks Grunch!
! ! TOTCan’t wait for opening night!
! ! PIPOur very first musical, it’s going to be amazing!
! ! ALL JR STARS (As they EXIT.)Yea! Amazing! Whoo hoo!
! ! MILLSGrunch, what was that? Tears? Hugs? You having a change of heart?
! ! GRUNCHMe? No way! (gets serious) Nothing changes, the plan must go on!
MORE LIKE ME REPRISE! NO MORE PLAY, NO MORE SONG! NO MORE CLUB TO BELONG! THE WHOLE SCHOOL WILL BE MUCH MORE LIKE ME!! THE WHOLE SCHOOL WILL BE MUCH MORE LIKE ME!
SCENE 10! (The WHOOVER DRAMA CLUB is gathered in the theater space. They have just ! finished their final dress rehearsal. RACHEL is standing over everyone with a ! clipboard. The actors are noticeably exhausted.)
! ! RACHELGreat job everybody, awesome run through. Just a few notes. Chris, Robyn...when you’re raising the spaceship in Scene two, make sure you’re at the same levels so it looks like it’s taking off with ground propulsion...
! ! CHRIS & ROBYNOk, got it.
! ! RACHELJavier, in Scene 4, the line is “Do NOT take the fair maiden.” Not “TAKE the fair maiden!”
! ! JAVIERDoh! I always get the tongue twisters...
! ! RACHELEveryone, stop what you’re doing and look at Collin. ! (Everyone turns to COLLIN, who strikes a Shakespearean pose.) That’s the level of eye-shadow we’re going for to make it believable.
! ! COLLINI love-ith my maybeline.
! ! RACHELAlright...Jadyen, anything else?
! ! JAYDENJust one thing....I know this process has been a little crazy but I’m so proud of the work we’ve all done together. Mr. Martin would be proud, up there in...Hawaii.
! ! ALL DRAMA GROUP! (Looking out over the audience, nods of approval and smiles.)
ALL PART OF THE MAGIC (REPRISE)! ! HARPERJust look at that...tomorrow night, all those seats will be full. A brand new audience to entertain.Listen...
! ! HARPERIN THE HUSH OF A DARKENED THEATERTHERE’S A TINGLE I ALWAYS FEELLOOKING OUT WHILE THE SEATS ARE EMPTY
! ! ALLTHE SETS, THE LIGHTS, THE COSTUMES, WAITING FOR THE ACTORSTHE THRILL OF KNOWING WHAT WE’VE DONE
OH IT’S ALL PART OF THE MAGICIT’S MUCH MORE THAN MUNDANEIT’S ALL PART OF THE MAGICTHE MAGIC OF HELPING TO ENTERTAIN
! ! ALL DRAMA GROUPGoodnight everyone! Nice work. Get some rest. etc.
! (They give each other hugs, all start to gather their things and EXIT.)
! ! GRUNCH (sneaking out from behind a block)Mills, are they gone?
! ! MILLSYes. But Grunch, did you see how proud they were of everything?
! ! GRUNCHShhh! Don’t ruin this moment for me. (Mills is about to speak.) Don’t! Let’s stick to the plan.
! (Quietly, Grunch stuffs the props and costumes into a few bags, takes the gels from the ! lights, takes the mics and the keyboard, and leaves the stage bare except for one tiny ! flower. A moment later, Grunch returns and takes the flower and stuffs it into the !bag ! and smiles at the audience. Evil laugh. Lights out.)
SCENE 11! (PRINCIPAL AUGUSTUS and MRS. WOODS are anxiously waiting inside the auditorium ! a half hour before curtain time. PRINCIPAL is pacing, MRS. WOODS is spraying air ! freshener. They’re expecting the critics any minute.)
! PRINCIPALOh, I shouldn’t have eaten that Mexican food last night!
! MRS WOODSRelax, you’ll be fine.
! PRINCIPALHow can I relax when any minute the biggest critics from New York are going to arrive to our humble auditorium! For a musical that I haven’t even seen yet!
! MRS. WOODSOh, I’m sure they’re very, very sweet.
! VARIETY (offstage)Get your hands off my briefcase you buffoon!!
! (The critics begin filing in. PRINCIPAL and MRS. WOODS immediately take action in ! catering to their guests.)
! PRINCIPALWelcome! Welcome, we’ve been expecting your Aristotle! (MRS WOODS elbows him)...arrival!
! MRS WOODSWe’re just so happy you came all this way for our little ol’ musical.
! PRINCIPALCould we get you anything to drink?!! NY TIMESI’ll have a lime spritzer.
! VARIETYI’ll have a spanish coke... (They look at him questionably.) ...it’s from Spain. ! !! PRINCIPALUm....all we have is juice, and chocolate milk.
! GRUNCH (ENTERS, being super sweet, in a fake way.)Auntie! Auntie! (gives her a big hug) On behalf of the entire school and the esteemed Drama Department here at Whoover Academy, we thank you all for coming tonight! We’ve all worked really hard...I know you’re absolutely going to LOVE it!!! NY TIMESWhy thank you, Rudy. Your mom would be so proud.!! GRUNCHSo, your reviews are going to be published in ALL the major newspapers throughout the country, right??
! CRITICSAny newspaper that’s worth a dime.
! (ALL CRITICS chuckle.)
! GRUNCHExcellent. Ok, well, I gotta go make sure everything is in place...see you after the show! (He EXITS.)
! PRINCIPALPlease, follow me to your seats. We’re just about to get started...
! (THE PRINCIPAL and MRS. WOODS lead the critics to the audience where they have a ! seat. Meanwhile, the DRAMA GROUP enters, technically “backstage” in the theatre, ! stunned that everything is gone.
! ! ! LESLIEGone! Gone!? What do you mean it’s gone?
! ! ALLENI came back here 5 minutes ago...look! No sets, no costumes, no props, and the lighting board isn’t working!
! ! CHRISWhat are we going to do?
! ! JAVIERThe critics are out there right now, and we’re supposed to start any minute!
! ! COLLINO, how bitter it is to look upon a bare stage!
! ! HARPERWe can do this! Remember, theatre is about telling stories...the show must go on!
! ! JAYDENYea! We can improvise with whatever we can find. Now let’s go make this school...
! ! ALL (everyone circles up and puts their hands in the middle.) Muffins! Pizza! Prooooud!
! ! PRINCIPALBreak a ligament, team! ! (Walks in front of the curtain.)
THE WHOOVER MUSICALWelcome all to the premiere production of...of...! (someone whispers from behind the curtain)...THE _________, HER FLOWERS AND THE INTERGALACTIC SPACE THIEVES...the musical!
(The CRITICS murmur.)
! ! GRUNCH (off to the side)This is it Mills! Get ready to see them crash and burn.
! (The Music starts, the curtains open to a bare stage. LESLIE enters with the! ENSEMBLE. Throughout the show they use everyday props they found backstage: toilet ! paper rolls, table cloths, flashlights, scarves, toy piano.)
! ! LESLIE (with hesitation at first)Ah, the birds are chirping (the ENSEMBLE chirps), the sun is shining (ALLEN walks around her shining a flashlight), the perfect time to try and perfect my _______________. [thing your town is known for]
! ! LESLIE (over dramatically)! ! ! ! ENSEMBLE! SOMEDAY I’ll MAKE THE PERFECT ________! ! ________! AND THEN OUR TOWN WILL REALLY THRIVE! ! REALLY THRIVE! AND THEN I’LL BE SO VERY HAPPY! ! ! HAPPY! OH WHAT A DAY TO BE ALIVE!! ! ! ! TO BE ALIVE! TO BE ALIVE!!! ! ! ! ! ! TO BE ALIVE!! ! ! ! ! TO BE ALIVE!
! ! (THE CRITICS applaud wildly.)
! ! GRUNCHWhat?! What’s happening?! !! ! (JAVIER and his evil cohorts enter. THE CRITICS laugh enthusiastically.)
! ! CHRIS, JAVIER, ROBYN, ALLEN! HUM DUH DUM DUH DUM HA!!
! ! JAVIERAha! Look down there! Exactly what our spaceship needs to fly forever!! Let’s sneak down there and steal those/that ______!!
! I’M SMART MEAN! I’M AN INTERGALACTIC STEALING MACHINE! CALL ME “ALIEN SUPREME”!
! (The evil space troupe in slow motion takes away the _____ from LESLIE, and exit. ! THE CRITICS applaud. The JUNIOR STARS ENTER as flowers and surround LESLIE.)
! ! GRUNCH (offstage - crouching behind his lair)I just don’t understand...
! ! LESLIE (sincerely)Take a dream away from a dreamer and what is there left? A field full of flowers but not one small ray of hope.
! ! JUNIOR STARSYou can’t stop dreaming.
! ! LESLIEBut why dream only to have it taken away?
! ! JUNIOR STARSNo one can take away dreams!
! ! GRUNCH (starting to get a little carried away with the story)Yea! I mean...
! ! JUNIOR STARSYou’ve gotta fight for them.
! ! JUNIOR STARS! IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING - YOU’VE GOT TO GO AFTER IT! LOOK TO YOUR GUT! BE THE ONE WHO’S TRIED - EVERYTHING POSSIBLE! NO MATTER WHAT! THERE ARE THINGS OUT THERE - EVIL AND DANGEROUS! BUT YOU’LL GET BY!! DREAMS MAY COME TO YOU - LIKE YOU WANT THEM TO! IF YOU JUST TRY!
! ! LESLIEThere’s no use. I give up.
! ! GRUNCH (running onstage with MILLS)Noo!! You can’t! Listen to those flowers!!
! ! JUNIOR STARS, GRUNCH, MILLS! IT’S SCARY YES! AND SO CONFUSING! BUT YOU JUST CAN’T SIT AND CRY! WHEN YOU ARE LOSING
! ! GRUNCHWait right there...!! (GRUNCH runs offstage, grabs the bags of costumes, props and all the things he had ! stolen, and throughout the next section begins distributing them on stage with MILLS’ ! help.)
! IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING - YOU’VE GOTTA GO AFTER IT! GO NO DON’T WAIT! C’MON ON LIFT YOU HEAD - GATHER YOUR COURAGE AND! WALK OUT THAT GATE! THERE ARE THINGS OUT THERE - EVIL AND DANGEROUS ! BUT YOU’LL GET BY! DREAMS MAY COME TO YOU - LIKE YOU WANT THEM TO! IF YOU JUST TRY
! ! LESLIEAlright, I’ll do it! I’ll defeat that Intergalactic Space Troupe..but how?
! ! COLLINFair maiden, I may be of service!
! I’VE COMITH TO SAVE - AHHHH - THE DAY!
! (COLLIN defeats the Space Troupe.)
! ! LESLIEWe did it!
! ! ALL DRAMA GROUPWhoo hoo!! Yea!! Etc.
! (The ENTIRE ENSEMBLE comes together to sing.)
! ! LESLIE & GROUP 1! ! ! ! ! GROUP 2! BELIEVE, YOU MUST BELIEVE IN DREAMING! ! DREAMING! OR YOU WILL NEVER FIND THE DRIVE! ! ! FIND THE DRIVE! AND WITH SOME FRIENDLY FLOWER SCHEMING! SCHEMING! YOUR DREAMS WILL FINALLY ARRIVE!
! ! GROUP 1! OH WHAT A DAY TO BE ALIVE!! ! ! ! TO BE ALIVE!! TO BE ALIVE!!! ! ! ! ! ! TO BE ALIVE
! ! CRITICSBravo! Encore! Amazing! Spot on! Brilliant! etc.
! ! NY TIMESYou were all SPECTACULAR!
! ! BACKSTAGE Who came up with the genius combination of aliens and flowers?!
! ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY I particularly liked the many layers of the lead actress - where did you study?
! ! VARIETYAnd how on earth did you think of such simple costumes, sets, lighting, and then that transformation at the end? Brilliant!
! ! JAYDEN (with a wink)Well, Grunch was mostly responsible for that. Grunch, thanks for being part of the show. We couldn’t have done it without you.
! ! GRUNCHReally?
! ! NY TIMES Rudy, I knew you had it in you!
! ! GRUNCHWait, wait..I’m not the one who made this show a success...it was all of them. I’m really sorry guys. I thought I could ruin the show by taking away the sets, props and costumes...but I guess theatre is about much more than that. I’ve never felt a thrill like I felt being on stage...like I was part of something HUGE!
! ! COLLINDid-th your heart grow, perchance, 3 sizes larger in thy chest?
! ! GRUNCHI think...I think...(he pretends to faint, falls on the floor. Everyone becomes concerned for a second.) Gotcha! (with jazz hands.)
ALL PART OF THE MAGIC FINALE!! ! JAYDENAww, Grunch, you’re a natural!
! ! RACHELSo can we count on you to be in next year’s show?
! ! GRUNCHI wouldn’t miss it for the world. Right Mills? (Mills nods and smiles.)
! ! FULL CAST (Turning to audience)! NOW YOU’VE SEEN US WITHOUT THE GLAMOUR! NOW YOU’VE SEEN US WITH SIMPLE SCENES! AND WE’RE ALL JUST A LITTLE WISER! NOW WE KNOW WHAT IT REALLY MEANS
! WE DON’T NEED GLITTER, FANCY SETS OR LOTS OF MONEY! TO TELL A STORY LIKE IT’S REAL
! ‘CAUSE WE’RE ALL PART OF THE MAGIC! WE’RE MUCH MORE THAN MUNDANE! WE’RE ALL PART OF THE MAGIC ! THE MAGIC OF HELPING TO ENTERTAIN
GRUNCH! WHEN I WAS AN ANGRY GRUNCH I NEVER REALLY KNEW! BEING PART OF SHOWS LIKE THIS IS WHAT I’D WANT TO DO! EVERY KID HELPS EVERY KID, NO MATTER HOW BIZARRE! AND EVEN LONELY GRUMPS LIKE ME DISCOVER WHO THEY ARE
ALL! EVERY TIME THAT WE TELL A STORY! EVERY TIME WE EXPLORE A THEME! ALL TOGETHER WE AIM FOR GLORY! BETTER YET WE BECOME A TEAM!
! ALTHOUGH THERE’S MANY DIFF’RENT WAYS TO TELL A STORY! WE HOPE THIS ONE HAS MADE YOU FEEL
! THAT YOU’RE ALL PART OF THE MAGIC! YOU’RE MUCH MORE THAN MUNDANE! WE’RE ALL PART OF THE MAGIC! THE MAGIC OF HELPING TO ENTERTAIN
! ! HARPER! THE MAGIC OF HELPING TO ENTERTAIN
! (The whole cast looks up over the audience. Blackout.)
In the following pages you will find a few sample pages of the The Grunch Actor Book.
The Actor Book contains the script and vocal score, seamlessly integrated. This allows kids to develop the important skill of reading music, in additional to making rehearsals run without a hitch.
The Actor Book also includes a 12-page introduction to musical theatre.
! ! ! ! SCENE 1! ! ! ! (On the campus of WHOOVER ACADEMY. It’s the first day ! ! ! ! of school. HARPER and JAYDEN enter from opposite sides ! ! ! ! of the stage. HARPER is carrying a large binder of playbills ! ! ! ! and wearing large, over-the-ear headphones. JAYDEN runs ! ! ! ! up to HARPER when she notices him.)
! ! JAYDENWhat’s up Harper?! How was your summer?
! (HARPER nods to the music, not hearing her. JAYDEN mistakenly thinks he’s nodding to her.)
!! ! JAYDENDid your family take your annual road trip around the country checking out musicals?
! (HARPER nods to the music.)
! ! JAYDENThat’s awesome...I wish I could’ve gone. I bet you guys saw the touring production of WICKED?
! (HARPER nods to the music.)
! ! JAYDENAww, you’re SO lucky! Did your mom buy you the 5th Anniversary Special Edition CD?
! (HARPER continues to nod. JAYDEN begins to notice something is wrong.)! !! ! JAYDENUm...Harper?? HARPER! DUDE! Take your headphones off for once!!! ! HARPER (finally noticing him)Oh, Jayden, hey! Sorry, my mom just bought me the Wicked 5th Anniversary Special Edition CD! Sooooo good!!!
! ! JAYDENWell, glad to see you haven’t changed.
! ! HARPERYou gotta see my newest signed playbill...
! ! JAYDENWhoa...so how many playbills does that make now?
! ! HARPERThirteen...hundred!
! (RUDY GRUNCH, a grumpy 6th grader, saunters by.)
! ! GRUNCHEh....So, wait. You’re telling me that you spent the WHOLE summer driving around the country watching musicals?
! ! JAYDENYea, isn’t Harper the luckiest?!
! ! GRUNCHMore like the lamest. Sounds like torture to me! Why couldn’t you spend your summer like a normal kid, Facebooking, playing video games, hanging out by the pool?
! (HARPER grabs GRUNCH by the shoulders and walks him downstage.)
Unauthorized duplicated is prohibited by law. All rights reserved.
All sum mer- long while you're stuck at the pool,
Energetic q = 140
I'm sing ing- Broad way- all day. Pract ic- ing- lines get ting-
7
read y- for school, where I'll be re hears- ing- the next Whoo ver- play. 'Cause
10
I come a live- in the spot light!- When the cur tain- goes up things
13
feel right! So you spend your sum mer- how ev- er- you please, but it's on ly- the thea tre- for
16
™™ ™™ ™™ ™™me.
20
44&
GRUNCH:... Why couldn't you spend your summer like a normal kid, Facebook-ing, playing video games, hanging out by the pool?
! !
HARPER:Oh Grunch, you just don't understand.
! !
2
HARPER:
Music by DENVER CASADOLyrics by BETINA HERSHEY
Only the Theatre for Me
&
&
&1/2 Time Rock Groove
&
&
HARPER: Hey everyone! You guys all ready for this year’s show?!!DRAMA GROUP: Yeah! Whoo hoo! etc.!!!
(The CURTAIN opens to reveal the entire WHOOVER DRAMA GROUP, arriving for their first day of school.)
!
COLLIN: A thespian is ALWAYS ready!!!JAMIE: I’ve totally been following all the latest costume trends from Paris.!!LESLIE: I watched every Meryl Streep movie they have on NetFlix. GRUNCH: That’s my cue...have fun “pretending” guys. !!HARPER: Grunch, c’mon! You gotta join the club this year...it’s going to be amazing!
! (The CURTAIN opens to reveal the entire WHOOVER DRAMA GROUP, arriving for their ! first day of school. HARPER and JAYDEN interact with each group as the song ! progresses, dragging GRUNCH along.)
! ! HARPERHey everyone! You guys all ready for this year’s show?!
! ! DRAMA GROUPYeah! Whoo hoo! etc.
! ! COLLIN (Obsessed with Shakespeare.)A thespian is ALWAYS ready!
! ! JAMIE (The costume designer.)I’ve totally been tracking all the latest costume trends from Paris.
! ! LESLIE (The leading lady.)I watched every Meryl Streep movie they have on NetFlix.
! ! GRUNCH ! (Walking off.)That’s my cue...have fun “pretending” guys.
! ! HARPER ! (Grabbing him and bringing him back.)Grunch, c’mon! You gotta join the club this year...it’s going to be amazing!
Unauthorized duplicated is prohibited by law. All rights reserved.
All sum mer- long while you're stuck at the pool,
Energetic q = 140
I'm sing ing- Broad way- all day. Pract ic- ing- lines get ting-
7
read y- for school, where I'll be re hears- ing- the next Whoo ver- play. 'Cause
10
I come a live- in the spot light!- When the cur tain- goes up things
13
feel right! So you spend your sum mer- how ev- er- you please, but it's on ly- the thea tre- for
16
™™ ™™ ™™ ™™me.
20
44&
GRUNCH:... Why couldn't you spend your summer like a normal kid, Facebook-ing, playing video games, hanging out by the pool?
! !
HARPER:Oh Grunch, you just don't understand.
! !
2
HARPER:
Music by DENVER CASADOLyrics by BETINA HERSHEY
Only the Theatre for Me
&
&
&1/2 Time Rock Groove
&
&
HARPER: Hey everyone! You guys all ready for this year’s show?!!DRAMA GROUP: Yeah! Whoo hoo! etc.!!!
(The CURTAIN opens to reveal the entire WHOOVER DRAMA GROUP, arriving for their first day of school.)
!
COLLIN: A thespian is ALWAYS ready!!!JAMIE: I’ve totally been following all the latest costume trends from Paris.!!LESLIE: I watched every Meryl Streep movie they have on NetFlix. GRUNCH: That’s my cue...have fun “pretending” guys. !!HARPER: Grunch, c’mon! You gotta join the club this year...it’s going to be amazing!
The following is a 3-page preview of the Director Book that comes with each Production Kit.
The Director Book is a comprehensive guide to casting, sets, props and costumes. Plus it contains the entire Actor Book (script and vocal score) with margin notes of directing tips, choreography suggestions and music cues.
PROP TABLEA property table should be located off-stage and organized by labeling props by the scene in which it is used. This ensures that props are present in the same location before every performance and are easily accessible to the actors for their usage. Organize the prop table with masking tape by making a grid on the table and labeling each square with a scene number. Communicate to your cast that only the actors who use a prop during a scene shoud be touching a prop backstage.
PLAYBILLSSearch online images of playbill covers, print them and insert them into binder sleeves.
All props in the show are easy to find everyday items or common items in the theater.
Scene 1: Whoover AcademyPlaybill binderPlaybillsOver-the-ear headphonesShakespearean prop: head/skull (from science department)Costume or high fashion magazines (for Jamie)
Scene 2: Grunch’s Lair (Gymnasium)A variety of ballsTrash - soda cans, cups, straws, paper napkins
Scene 3: Drama classBackpacksBindersClipboardWhoover Academy Handbook Mini keyboard or toy piano
Scene 4: Subway station newspaperscellphone
Scene 5: Drama classBackpacksBindersClipboardLighting gelsFabric samplesHead setsMini keyboard or toy pianoCell phoneOptional - props typically found in the theatre: black binders, canes, shields, swords, wands, handkerchief, boas, flags
! ! ! ! SCENE 1! ! ! ! (On the campus of WHOOVER ACADEMY. It’s the first day ! ! ! ! of school. HARPER and JAYDEN enter from opposite sides ! ! ! ! of the stage. HARPER is carrying a large binder of playbills ! ! ! ! and wearing large, over-the-ear headphones. JAYDEN runs ! ! ! ! up to HARPER when she notices him.)
! ! JAYDENWhat’s up Harper?! How was your summer?
! (HARPER nods to the music, not hearing her. JAYDEN mistakenly thinks he’s nodding to her.)
!! ! JAYDENDid your family take your annual road trip around the country checking out musicals?
! (HARPER nods to the music.)
! ! JAYDENThat’s awesome...I wish I could’ve gone. I bet you guys saw the touring production of WICKED?
! (HARPER nods to the music.)
! ! JAYDENAww, you’re SO lucky! Did your mom buy you the 5th Anniversary Special Edition CD?
! (HARPER continues to nod. JAYDEN begins to notice something is wrong.)! !! ! JAYDENUm...Harper?? HARPER! DUDE! Take your headphones off for once!!! ! HARPER (finally noticing him)Oh, Jayden, hey! Sorry, my mom just bought me the Wicked 5th Anniversary Special Edition CD! Sooooo good!!!
! ! JAYDENWell, glad to see you haven’t changed.
! ! HARPERYou gotta see my newest signed playbill...
! ! JAYDENWhoa...so how many playbills does that make now?
! ! HARPERThirteen...hundred!
! (RUDY GRUNCH, a grumpy 6th grader, saunters by.)
Upstage
Downstage
Stag
e Ri
ght Stage Left
Music Cue - TRACK 1Cue - House lights down.End Cue - Lights up.
Director’s NoteEncourage HARPER to give distinct nodding motions after each question, but make sure he never notices JAYDEN.
! ! GRUNCHEh....So, wait. You’re telling me that you spent the WHOLE summer driving around the country watching musicals?
! ! JAYDENYea, isn’t Harper the luckiest?!
! ! GRUNCHMore like the lamest. Sounds like torture to me! Why couldn’t you spend your summer like a normal kid, Facebooking, playing video games, hanging out by the pool?
! (HARPER grabs GRUNCH by the shoulders and walks him downstage.)
! ! HARPEROh, Grunch, you just don’t understand.
Only the Theatre for Me
All sum mer- long while you're stuck at the pool,
Energetic q = 140
I'm sing ing- Broad way- all day. Pract ic- ing- lines get ting-
7
read y- for school, where I'll be re hears- ing- the next Whoo ver- play. 'Cause
10
I come a live- in the spot light!- When the cur tain- goes up things
13
feel right! So you spend your sum mer- how ev- er- you please, but it's on ly- the thea tre- for
I am love with this show.-Marc Tumminelli, Broadway Workshop (New York, NY)
Many parents and teachers commented that The Grunch was their favorite of all the musicals we have done. As for me, I loved the comedy, the catchy melodies, and especially the positive message and emotions that all of us were steeped in for weeks throughout the rehearsal period.
Your heart-warming musical brought out the best in all of us, and we were proud to share such an uplifting story with our friends and families. I am deeply grateful to all of you at Beat by Beat Press for providing our school with the quality material with which to create exactly the kind of empowering theatrical experiences that we most want to share with our students!
- Emily Kritzer, Reed Elementary School (San Jose, CA)
Beat by Beat Press gives you everything you need to make THE GRUNCH a memorable hit show!
Actor BookScript with integrated vocal score.
Director BookGuide to everything from casting to curtain call.
Piano-Vocal ScoreClearly formatted with dialogue cues.
Accompaniment CDFully orchestrated and perfectly sync’d with the script.
Vocal CDProfessionally recorded vocal tracks of every single song.
Video Recording LicenseLegally record and share your production, worry-free.
Copy LicenseMake as many script copies as you need for your cast and crew.
Logo PackAttract audiences and sponsors with these pre-made logo designs.
Production Kit$655 only $299
All materials are provided electronically except the Accompaniment CD & Vocal CD.
Get started on your production by ordering a Production Kit today at:www.bbbpress.com/store
C O N TA C T U S :
C A L L ����������� o r E M A I L ��������������� ��
Accredited schools receive a one-week performance license included in their $299 production kit. All other organizations are subject to a $90 per performance royalty fee.
