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The bestrevengeHow women won the vote for Obama By Emma Brockes

That phone callHow to concede an election

Suzanne MooreThe ‘ordinary’ monsters

OystersWhy we should eat more

Notes & QueriesHow small is small?

Michael GambonStaging Beckett

2 The Guardian 08.11.12

the incumbent, Bill Clinton, before polls even closed in California. Half an hour later, the concession was retracted and the mistake was attributed to mythological creatures. “Either a gremlin or some other thing caused it to be

released,’’ explained Dole’s hapless press secretary .

In the hours leading up to the phone call, the candidates simply hang about. “Everyone’s sitting there,” says

Schmidt. “They’ve showered in the

hotel. They’ve moved over to the [campaign]

site. They’re restless – a lot of it is just watching TV.” (So restless, in fact, that this year Romney’s aide Garrett Jackson preferred to spend the evening chasing the younger members of the

Shortcuts

Academics are contemplating

putting students through

drugs tests around exam time,

according to the author of a

Cambridge University study that

found 10% admit to taking pills

to enhance their performance.

Cheaters beware

How to concede an election gracefully

US politics

Barack Obama and Mitt Romney; (below) losing presidential candidate in 1996,

Bob Dole

replied . “You’re calling me back to retract your concession?” “You don’t have to get snippy about it,” Gore shot back. Snippy, however, didn’t even begin to describe what followed. Legal wrangling contin-ued for weeks, and it wasn’t until December that Bush could safely call himself president-elect.

John Kerry, Gore’s successor as Democratic challenger, achieved rather more grace – mostly because his loss was that much more obvious. “Congratulations, Mr President,” was his gambit at the start of a measured fi ve-minute-long conversation between himself and George Bush in 2004.

And what of old R-Money? Well, in the end, it seems he opted for the Kerry school of concessionary telephony. Shortly before 1am, east-coast time, a Republican aide told CNN he had called Obama for a “short, polite” chat. Good for him.Patrick Kingsley

Bob Dylan attracted a lot of

thumbs-ups when his fi rst ever

Facebook status predicted a

landslide for Obama. “ He’s a

hard act to follow.” A positive

soundbite from Dylan? The

times really are a-changing.

4,000,000 likes

Shortercuts

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W e’ve all been there. It’s 1am, you’ve just lost the American presi-

dential election, and now you’ve got to call the victor to concede. What the devil do you say?

This, as history now records, was the quandary facing a certain Willard Mitt Romney – or, as David Lynch termed him last week: R-Money – in the early hours of Wednesday morning. For variously obvious reasons, it must have been a diffi cult moment. There was no love lost between R-Money and Obama during the campaign – at one point, the president implied that Mitt caused cancer – while only hours before Romney had boasted that he was so confi dent of victory, he had only prepared a winner’s speech. All 1,118 words of it. Not that he’s counting or anything.

Emotions aside, though, there’s an art to timing the concessionary phone-call. Too early, and you risk either upsetting your supporters (who want to feel they at least made things close) – or worse still, foreclosing the possibility of a win. Too late, and you’re seen as divisive and bitter.

“The losing candidate has an important duty,” said Steve Schmidt, the senior Repub-lican strategist who advised John McCain on when to concede in 2008, on NBC on Monday . “That’s to concede the election in a graceful manner and begin to unite the country.”

Republican Bob Dole is an example of how not to do things. In 1996, he seem-ingly conceded to

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Romney clan down the corridors of a gloomy hotel. He released a photo of the shenanigans . It’s supposed to be touching, but really it looks more like something out of The Shining.)

Nearby, explained Schmidt, will have been “a war-room of young kids”. These strategists do the number-crunching on the results as they’re announced and ultimately advise the losing can-didate on when to give in. “It’s a tough moment,” Schmidt contin-ued, “when you have to tell the candidate, as I did, that we’ve lost Ohio: you’re not going to be the president of the United States.”

But even at this stage, the phone call can go wrong. In 2000, Al Gore famously rang George Bush to concede once it looked like he’d lost Florida. Minutes later, Gore was back on the blower. Some of the Florida results looked fl awed, and he wanted to stay in the race. “Let me make sure I understand,” an enraged Bush apparently

08.11.12 The Guardian 3

Age: 34.Appearance: Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.Never seen it. Then just imagine a generic mas-sive geek.Will do. So who is he? He’s a psephologist and former sabermetrician.A what and a what now? A statistical analyst of elections and a former statistical analyst of base-ball. His blog, FiveThirtyEight, now hosted by the New York Times, is the go-to site for cold, hard election stats.So he’s pretty good then? Well, he got Tuesday’s presidential election exactly right.So did half the world’s tossed coins. True enough. But they weren’t quite as accurate.Meaning? Silver didn’t just predict Obama was going to win it. He correctly projected the results for every single one of America’s 50 states. Some-thing 50 tossed coins would have less than a one in a trillion chance of getting right.Ah, well. That’s a little more impressive. How’d he do it? With his “election simulator” statistical model, which aggregates hundreds of polling fi gures and economic data, weights it all for accuracy, factors in a load of fancy maths about past elections and boils the whole thing down to a percentage chance of victory for each candidate. On Tuesday morning, while many pundits were insisting it was too close to call, Silver’s model put Obama’s chances at a precise and healthy 90.9%.How did pundits feel about that? Pretty uncom-fortable. He was derided in the media as “a joke”, who was “getting into silly land”. One rightwing blogger even dismissed his predictions on the grounds that Silver – an openly gay Democrat – was “thin and eff eminate”.Because your maths is wrong if you’re not fat and masculine? Apparently.Why such hatred for a mere statistician? A few reasons. In part, because he dispelled the myth of Mitt’s momentum. In part, because some people feel that stats have “a well-known liberal bias”. And, in part, because if number-crunchers are this dang good, the days of the postulating pundit may be, well, numbered.Do say: “Lies, damned lies and thin and eff emi-nate statistics.”Don’t say: “I thought a sabermetrician measured swords.”

A safety-conscious

dad has developed

a pepper-spray

iPhone case for his

daughter. That’ll

make her popular

on campus.

As his tweet shows,

comedian Chris Rock

thinks Obama’s second

term was inevitable.

I t is an unfortunate axiom of modern motoring that the fi rst time you clap eyes on

your spare tyre is usually the fi rst time you get a fl at, and it’s always a moment of apprehension. Will the jack be of unfathomable design? Will the spare itself be fl at? Will it be one of those space-saving toy tyres that can only be driven on safely for 50 miles (or unsafely for much, much longer)?

What about this scenario: you open the boot and fi nd nothing at all. It’s a not very widely pub-licised fact that an increasing number of new cars don’t come with a spare. (Contrary to what many people think, there is no legal requirement to carry one, but if you do, it must comply with laws on wear and condition. ) According to a new survey by Auto Express , only a third of cur-rent Ford models have one, and none of the new Minis includes

Does your car have a spare tyre?

them as standard. What you get instead is a repair kit – a bottle of sealant and an electric compressor.

The problem with the sealant is that it won’t work for larger leaks, and the glue leaves the tyre beyond repair. The RAC attributes 20,000 call-outs a year to new cars without spares.

The stated reasons for this rather glaring omission are varied. Some manufacturers claim that consumers have demanded extra boot space, which had to come from somewhere. Others insist it is done to cut down on weight, and carbon dioxide emissions. Industry representatives maintain the repair kits are cleaner to use, and that fewer drivers these days know how to change a tyre any-way. That’s right: it’s our fault.

The manufacturers’ main consideration is, of course, the bottom line: even those little donut wheels cost up to £150. A repair kit, on the other hand, costs about £20. Do yourself a fa-vour and check the arrangements in your car’s boot. That way, when you next get a fl at, at least you won’t be surprised. Tim Dowling

Here’s a cunning stunt by the Movember charity campaign, who have added

moustaches to the waxworks of David Cameron and Boris Johnson at Madame

Tussauds. What do you think they’re saying? Tell us at guardian.co.uk/shortcuts

Motoring

Movember

£423,390

The average

diff erence in

executive pay

between men and

women, according

to the Chartered

Management

Institute. That’s

£14,689 less a year

if you’re a woman.

In other words, for

every £100 that men

take home, a woman

gets £85. Need we

go on?

Pass notesNo 3,278Nate Silver

American news anchor Jai

Cunningham held back tears as

he pledged to shave his head on

air every time a woman or child

is killed in the US as a result of

domestic violence, after a friend

was murdered by her partner.

iSelf-defence Close shave ‘Kenyans don’t lose races’

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need to

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Are we in the midst of paedogeddon? A huge, unnecessary moral panic about abuse triggered by the Savile revelations? Not exactly but something strange is going on. We

have indeed been here before, but my hope is that instead of swinging between outrage and denial about child abuse, we may start to hear what victims and their advocates have been telling us for decades.

The MP Tom Watson says he has been shocked by what he has been told about coverups, Tory politicians and paedophile “networks”. He seems genuinely horrifi ed by the dark and disturbing information he has received. I understand a little because since I wrote about Savile a couple of weeks ago, asking that we focus on the victims and not the BBC or political point-scoring, I have also been the recipient of too much information.

While I imagine Watson has been privy to horrible stories about institutionalised sexual abuse, I have been inundated with stories from women who have been abused mostly in familial circumstances. Some of them are confused about whether they really have been abused.

It is terribly sad stuff , listening to adults who feel guilty about something that happened to them long ago, and who feel betrayed by those who should have protected them. This tangle of feelings may lead to damage that resonates through generations because the boundaries between sex and love became so twisted at an early age. My point is simple: the locus of most abuse remains the home but in the current climate it is easy to get swept into David Icke-type conspiracy theories.

The internet is awash with names of powerful men who are being outed as abusers with no evidence. We need to be clear. The abuse of those in care, children often already neglected, with behavioural problems, is something we have known about for some time. In the 1990s institutional abuse was being investigated by 41 out of 43 police forces. Yet the Waterhouse Inquiry reported a “cult of silence” about the level of abuse.

Is silence the right word? Rather, those abused as children have been screaming into a void. The culture pressed some kind of mute button when they spoke. We value neither them nor the people paid to look after them.

The low status of “carers” is an intrinsic part of this scandal. Residential social work is often done by low-paid and unqualifi ed people. I know, as I did it when I was not much older than the teenagers in my care. The economy of care has

Suzanne Moore

actually worsened since then , as the private sector moved into care homes, pushing pay down. One of the shocking facts to come out of the Rochdale grooming scandal was the number of private chil-dren’s homes in the area. Thus, we remove chil-dren from families and entrust them to those we pay little and don’t bother to train. Social work is demonised by those who bang on about “paedos” but see all child protection as “health and safety gone mad”.

Indeed this focus on paedophile networks becomes unhelpful and hysterical. Historically we have swung from Satanic abuse to a backlash of false-memory syndrome, where victims were again discredited. Feminists have been accused of pushing an “anti-family” agenda as though we don’t have families.

To bring this back to the victims once more, we now have adult men who are naming high-profi le abusers, a fl urry of rumours and an attempt by the government to appear to be doing something. The recognition of abuse has been seen as a leftie/liberal delusion. Safeguarding and CRB checks have indeed been cack-handed and intrusive but it is important to remember they were born from a wish to protect children.

These allegations are not new and we know there has been a complete breakdown of trust between the victims and the police. Why haven’t the police investigated the evidence they are said to have in North Wales?

We now see each institution trying to cover its tracks, be it the BBC, the police or the government. All are struggling to cope with in-formation that is very old but to which they have turned a blind eye. Transparency remains a fan-tasy, which is why conspiracy thrives.

The nightmares of boys taken in Bentleys, girls taken to a fl at to meet a celebrity, the banality of evil revealed in blood-streaked sheets, are enough. We do not need to concoct vast networks of paedophiles. This happened in our midst. This sudden need to apportion blame is about our guilt for not having listened. But those who have been abused are used to not being believed. Those who abuse count on this. The focus on Savile has trig-gered many to now tell their truths and, if we can bear to listen, it is heart wrenchingly apparent that, unlike Savile, many of these men who abused children are the most ordinary of monsters.

We don’t need an inquiry to tell us this, or that “care” is often not care at all. We need, instead, the political will to provide the resources to look after our most vulnerable children properly and to prosecute those who rape them. Only then will we have “moved on” from where were 20 years ago.

Away from the celebrity scandals and conspiracy theories, abusers are often the most ordinary of monsters

This week Suzanne spent election night in the US Embassy eating free Big Macs and watching the very English Glenn Tillbrook of Squeeze perform Up the Junction. “An unlikely but wonderful gig.”


How womRomney’s campaign was marked by outdated pronouncements on rape, abortion and family

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rather sweet and paternal and mercifully removed from the crowded junction in his party where gynaecology and theology meet.

It was against this backdrop on Tuesday morning that people walked out to vote. In 2008, the atmosphere in New York on election day was like nothing I have experienced; for sheer community spirit, the only thing New Yorkers could compare it to was the city’s 1977 blackout and the days after 9/11. Men in suits made eye contact with homeless people as if they shared a common reality; commuters on the subway, for whom smiling is usually defensive, facial air-freshener to conceal a bad smell – grinned warmly, conspira-torially. When I went up to Harlem that night, in what seemed afterwards to be the most indivisible unit of human emotion there is, people walked through the streets banging pots and pans together.

There was none of that this time and no one expected it. People rose early, anticipating huge queues after television coverage of early voting chaos. In an apartment block on the Upper West Side, a young couple emerged at 6am, bleary-eyed, in their tracksuit pyjamas and made their way downstairs to the polling station off the hallway. It was empty. In New York, at least, while an hour or so wait was not unusual, plenty of polling stations experienced sluggish starts as people forced them-selves up and out to vote.

There was no romance; it was a question not of hope but of duty, giving voting queues in the city a muted, slightly martyred air. (Plus it was 1C out there). Those waiting wanted to get the job done, a sober ethos they hoped Obama would take with him into his second term.

In Harlem, where four years ago you could hardly turn a street corner with-out tripping over an Obama campaigner, where everyone seemed to be wearing campaign badges and T-shirts, there were few outward signs of an →

In the very long list of people who, in what might come to be seen as the most impressive achievement of his campaign, Mitt Romney managed to alien-

ate (a single, late-breaking example: “He hates Chinese,” said the deliveryman who brought around the takeaway to my fl at on Tuesday night), the biggest and most damaging group by far was women.

As the results came in, while we had to wait late and long for the fi nal verdict – endure Karl Rove’s 11th-hour meltdown; enjoy Diane Sawyer’s awesome, possibly mini-bar-assisted close of show banter and louche upper-body sway – it was clear from relatively early on that while the Latino vote came out solidly for Obama, it was women, particularly single women, who made themselves most decisively heard.

This shouldn’t have been surprising. The Obama campaign had hammered away at Romney’s record on women in pointed campaign ads from way back, targeting the customary staples – Romney’s opposition to Roe v Wade, abortion under any circumstance and insurance coverage for contraception – so comprehensively that the danger became one of reduced impact through overexposure.

The surprise on Tuesday night was that, after such a long, repetitive and exhausting campaign, Republicans managed to refresh these arguments in such enduringly wacky ways as to provoke a kind of awe. You could only laugh as the coverage revisited them; in Missouri, let’s hear it one more time for Todd Akin and his “legitimate rape” discourse; for Richard Mourdock in Indiana (babies born of rape are a “gift from God”); in the Pennsylvania Senate race, for Tom Smith comparing rape to unwed motherhood, and so on and so on – for a full list, see the Atlantic Monthly’s helpful round-up. As many pointed out on Twitter, it was almost as if Republi-cans had forgotten women could vote.

By contrast, Romney’s modest gaff e about “binders full of women” looked


election taking place. This was partly down to hurricane Sandy,

still zapping the city’s emotional and physical resources; on Frederick Douglass Boulevard, a long line of people waiting with cans to buy petrol was more feverish than the queue one block up to vote.

It was partly down to customary second-term campaign fatigue. Even by the standards of content-free cable news coverage, things were looking pretty burnt-out on Tuesday morning, with an MSNBC pundit trying to eke drama from polling data by suggesting that Nate Silver would never, for example, have predicted Dunkirk, to the baffl ement of fellow panellists.

Mainly, however, the muted air came from a sense this time of No Messing About. Once the jokes about dogs on car roofs and Mormon underpants fell away, the stakes for this election became abnormally high. Obama didn’t need to inspire; he just needed to be the guy not threatening to turn back women’s reproductive rights to 1973.

Comments coming out of the voting queues registered as much, and across party lines. “Seeing [his] attitude toward woman in general,” Mary Mitchell Bartley from St Louis, and previously a Republican, told journalists, “voting for him would be impossible.”

“I’m not the only one who sees it, right?” said Kathy McLean, 54, working her shift in a launderette in Brooklyn. She shuddered. “Paul Ryan? He doesn’t have a clue.” She had been up at the crack of dawn to vote in Prospect Heights and was a rare example of someone so angry she was excited to vote. “Excited, yes. Obama must win,” she said, pointing a fi nger over a pile of laundry on the counter. “I needed the bathroom so bad this morning but I would have peed myself rather than leave that line.” What was she voting for?

“For healthcare and child services for people in need; for people like me, the poor and the middle class. If Romney wins, it’ll be all about the upper tier.”

a tough time respecting. But she became homeless under Obama. So would she have voted Republican?

She grinned. “Hell, no.”In the end, the assumption made

by decent, liberal Republicans – that this wasn’t the real Romney; that once in offi ce he would simmer down and remember himself – became too much of a gamble to take. If any further evi-dence of that were needed, there it was in his concession speech. Looking weary, Romney spoke as if from his father’s era, thanking his sons for their help, “and their wives” for holding the fort at home. He sounded, as he always has, like a nice guy from the 1950s who, when he hears a woman speaks about anything beyond dinner, sees in the corner of his eye a dog on its hind legs.

In the post-game analysis there will be speculation that Romney’s defeat will mark the end of the Tea Party, given the damage it did to his mainstream appeal. And there will be a temptation to write off the whole thing as idiotic.

The sobering fact is that if Romney had won, with three places on the supreme court potentially up for grabs during his tenure, he could have changed the social landscape of the United States. According to exit polls, 68% of single women voted to stop him – women who, I think it is safe to assume, voted partly out of a desire to retain governance of their own ovaries, rather than outsource them, say, to a Republican senator from Missouri. This is as decisive a moment in feminism as there has been. Debates about where we are in a post-post-feminist world, how squeamish women are about call-ing themselves feminists, whether to wax or not to wax – all the tap-dancing that supposedly must be done these days to engage women in their own political interests – all of that fell away. Red or blue, left or right, “career woman” or “homemaker”, they voted as one.

As Obama said on the stump: “Don’t boo; vote. Voting is the best revenge!”

Voting as one: the faces of some of Obama’s supporters, celebrating their victory against Mitt Romney’s Republicans

So it went throughout the day. As usual, the most moving sight of the election was those who had the most to overcome, making the most eff ort to vote; the old and infi rm, coming up the street on walkers and the arms of carers, mixing, at the Brooklyn polling station I visited, with the predictable assortment of young men in skinny jeans and asymmetrical hair, brandish-ing books by Günter Grass.

Some were inclined to give Obama a break. “He’s only got two hands and a brain,” said Ronald, a 47-year-old who asked to be identifi ed only as “a Virgo, been single for two years”. He said: “He spent all that time straightening out what Bush did.”

That 68% of single

women voted to

stop Romney is a

decisive moment

in feminism

“I’m not excited to vote,” said Lydia, a 68-year-old African American retiree. “Last time, it was very exciting. This year, less exciting. I vote because if the wrong person gets in, it’ll be a question of not what you know, but who you know.”

Belinda Nettles, 42, guarding her plastic bottle collection on the corner of Atlantic Avenue, voted for Obama in the last election. She didn’t vote this time for two reasons: one, in a telling indicator of the way democracy func-tions these days – “I haven’t seen the TV for a very long time, and I can’t vote without seeing the personalities.” And two, because since the last election she has become homeless, “kicked from shelter to shelter”.

It’s a fair bet that Nettles is one of the 47% of people Romney would have

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There’s

a special

offer on the

Eurofighter.

Three for

the price

of two

Tom Watson: Are you sure you’ve handed over all your text messages?Cameron: Absolutely! I’ve got nothing to hide .Raisa the ex-police horse: I wouldn’t be so sure about that, big boy.Cameron: What are you on about?Raisa: Don’t try to deny our love. Remember that ride we had together? How you said you found me utterly uncontrollable at fi rst? I can’t tell you how arousing that was. And then you tamed me after a long, sweaty, passionate ride ...Cameron: I may have to withdraw the whip.Raisa: I love it when you talk dirty.Cameron: What I mean is that you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.Raisa: Don’t say it! I couldn’t bear it if you had been using me all along just to get to …Rebekah Brooks: Me. I knew it was me you always wanted, Davikins. I could see it in your eyes when you made that beautiful party conference speech. I know you were talking to a whole nation, but I felt as if you were looking deep into my soul and saying: “You are the one, Bex.” In that moment, you completed me. I don’t mind admitting that I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably.Cameron: Stop using that word. It’s embarrassing.Brooks: I don’t care, Davikinsy-winsy. I’m not ashamed that I wept. Twice. I’ve never done that for anyone before. Not even Ross Kemp.Cameron: Steady on, Bex.Brooks: There’s something about a chinless wonder with red cheeks that I just fi nd irresistible.Cameron: I don’t know what you’re talking about.Brooks: You can’t get rid of me that easily. Remember how you texted me those loving LOLs when I said I thought we could work well together. How we used to meet for those kitchen suppers?Cameron: I’ve been trying to forget …Rupert Murdoch: Well I haven’t, sonny. And if you continue to try to fuck with News International after toadying up to me for so long, then you’re in for an even bigger kicking.Cameron: Oh, whoops! I’ve accidentally deleted all my old text messages. What a pity!Vodafone: We’ve probably still got them somewhere.Cameron: Do you want that tax break or not? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go off to Saudi Arabia for a very important trade deal.Saudi Arabia: You’ve got a bit of a cheek turning up here after all that crap you talked last year about Arab Springs and democracy.Cameron: That’s just the thing, Your Highness. I realise now that I may have been a little hasty in supporting voices of liberalism in the Arab world. Which is why I want to off er you the chance to buy as many heavy-duty weapons as you like so that you can suppress any dissi-dent voices both within your own country and beyond its borders.

Westminster Digested

Saudi Arabia: So what’s the deal?Cameron: I’ve got a special off er on the Eurofi ghter. Sign up by the end of the month and you get three for the price of two.Nick Robinson: Can I have a word about this ?Cameron: I’d love to! But unfortunately I seem to have left you behind in Britain.Milidee: You can have a word with me, Nick!Robinson: Why on earth would I want to do that?Milidee: Because I’m the leader of the opposition.Robinson: So you are. I’d completely forgotten. Just, please, no more of that One Nation drivel.Milidee: Don’t worry! Milidum and I have concoctedliving wages a very cunning plan.Robinson: Go on.Milidee: We’re going to campaign for a living wage. A fairer deal for ordinary people …Robinson: And what is this living wage?Milidum: Well, I struggle to get by on over half a million a year, despite all my earnings outside parliament. So for me a living wage is about £2,000 per day. But I reckon the little people should easily be able to manage on £7.45 per hour.Everyone: So this is what One Nation means?Milidee: One nation. One nation. One nation.Milidum: Er quite. What my idiot brother is really

trying to say is that he understands that life can be tough for the not-so-poor as well and that we all need to pull together.Nadine Dorries: I know exactly what you

mean. How is anyone supposed to get by on an MP’s wage now ? Count me in for a month in the

jungle and an extra £40K.Cameron: This is monstrous. I will have to

withdraw your whip!Raisa: I bet you say that to all your laydeez.Dorries: Sod off , posh boy. You try living on

£65K. Besides, it’s part of my job to go on TV and make my ideas known to the public.Cameron: And what ideas are those?Dorries: That I expect us to lose the next

election and that I am now available to do absolutely anything to trade on what little fame I have.Louise Mensch: I would never do something like that.Dorries: Of course not …Cameron: Calm down, dears. I’ve just got Barry on the phone. Apparently he’s just

won an election.Osborne: Is Barry your black man from

Plymouth ?Cameron: Don’t be silly, Ozzy. He’s my other

black man. I know two actually.Osborne: Wow! That’s incredible, Cams.

Cameron: I know. Now how are you getting on making up for that £40m we blew screwing up the rail franchise?

Osborne: All in hand, Cams. I put a huge bet on Romney to win.

From late-night text messages to living wages for the little people, John Crace takes a satirical stroll down the corridors of power

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A dozen teenagers push their way through the doors of the New Cross branch of Sainsbury’s in south-east London, and

bear down on the self-service check-outs. To the shoppers fi lling trolleys in the fresh fruit aisle, they might for a moment look like looters. But then they start yelling.

“Shoppers of Sainsbury’s,” shouts one woman in the crowd.

“SHOPPERS OF SAINSBURY’S,” repeat her friends.

“We are here today.”“WE ARE HERE TODAY.”“In solidarity with Sainsbury’s

workers.”“IN SOLIDARITY WITH SAINS-

BURY’S WORKERS.”In this gospel fashion, the teenagers

make the incongruous announce-ment that, despite sizeable profi ts, the super market still fails to pay its workers the London living wage of £8.30 an hour. “Sainsbury’s pay for workers is worse than Tesco!” they cry – but by this point said workers are gently usher ing the protesters from the shop.

“We are in solidarity with you,” they add, but sadly the feeling is not mutual.

“It’s worse than Asda!” is their last plainti ve cry. But to no avail. They are now outside in the car park .

Just a few days ago, most of these sixth-formers – mainly women, mainly Muslim and working-class – were not particularly political, let alone radical. “I didn’t realise I could do these things,” says 17-year–old Mamataj Begum , who found herself shaking with emotion after wards: “I wouldn’t have done it this time last week.”

But that was before she signed up for Demand the Impossible – a free, fi ve-day course at Goldsmith’s College that introduced around 25 teenagers from east and north London to activism and radical politics. By the time I arrive towards the end of the week, the class has had workshops on the Egyptian revolution, Palestine, oil spillages in Africa, and feminism. Prominent leftwinger Mark Fisher has given a talk on the problems with capitalism, and the group has brain-stormed some alternatives: social democracy, mutualism, anarchism. They have tried diff erent kinds of activism – leafl eting, petitions, and the fl ashmob – and been encouraged to critique the eff ectiveness of each tactic. Today, they are planning their own campaigns.

One group wants to set up a support hotline for Asian victims of domestic violence. Another wants to combat negative stereotypes of young people by making fi lms of inspirational teen-

Occupy camps – all of which were loose attempts to both critique capitalism and engage people in direct action.

But Demand the Impossible – a riff on a quote by Che Guevara – is doing things a bit diff erently. Its contem-poraries are either aimed at more experienced thinkers – in the case of UK Feminista – or run by groups (Coun-terfi re) with explicit, didactic agendas. Some, like Netroots, are niche, while others – Occupy – are notoriously vague. All of them are often criticised for their reliance on middle-class par-ticipants versed in protest technique and leftwing theory . Demand the Im-possible is an attempt to do what its forebears couldn’t: to engage with or-dinary, working-class, predominantly Asian teenagers with little or no experi-ence of activism or leftwing thought. “We went out of our way to fi nd people who weren’t particularly radical,” says Jacob Mukherjee, the 29-year-old who created the course with his best friend from university, Ed Lewis. Both teach-ers at north London state schools, they asked their students to spread the word about the summer school . “The bar was very low,” says Lewis. “One said their teacher had gone on strike – and that was enough.”

The course is structured through the prism of, in Lewis’s words, “transcending capitalism” – but I don’t meet anyone who thinks they have been brain-washed. “The course isn’t actually about being a capitalist or a socialist,” argues Luong . “It’s not about labels. It’s about exposing yourself to diff erent ideas.”

At one point, some of the students are sent to ask the people of New Cross to sign a petition that, amusingly, calls for the end of capitalism. It garners 11 signatures in half an hour – perhaps not enough to bring about a global revolu-tion. Then again, th e petition isn’t a serious attempt to radicalise either New Cross or the people on the course. It is just a useful means of sparking a discussion about the eff ectiveness of diff erent activist tactics .

“They haven’t indoctrinated me,” smiles Begum . “At the end of the week, I’m still a little bit capitalist.”

If anything, Lewis and Mukherjee are surprised by how wedded their students remain to capitalist ideas, and to the virtues of meritocracy. They are interested in critiquing capitalism, sure – but most of them don’t yet have fundamental problems with it. Early on in the week, the pair ask the students to come up with a fairer way of structuring society. The world, they argue, is currently shaped a bit like a pyramid – with the rich few in the tip at the top, and the impoverished masses in the wide bit at the bottom. What

agers. Still others want to campaign for gender-neutral toys.

“Girls shouldn’t have to play with Barbie,” says sixth-former Jessica Luong . “They can play with Action Man too.” She would start small and focus on individual outlets. What would her protest look like? Leafl eting at fi rst, she says . Isn’t that a bit boring, asks Holly Rigby, a full-time activist helping to run the course. All right, says Luong: what about a protest out-side the store? “Or how about,” says Holly, “a protest inside the store!”

Demand the Impossible is in good company. It’s one of several leftwing activist workshops to have emerged in the past year. There’s UK Feminista, which runs boot-camps for campaigners for gender equality . Netroots hosts an annual conference for online activists . Hard-left group Counterfi re organ-ised a citizen activism day at the School of Oriental and African Studies in central London this spring. And then there were the student occupa-tions of 2010, and last year’s

‘We’ve created some feminists!’

‘They’ve taught us to think in a diff erent way’ … a study group at Demand the Impossible; (below) a student makes a point

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Too young to vote? That doesn’t mean you’re powerless. Patrick Kingsley, joins a one-week college course that teaches teenagers the theory – and practice – of political activism


shape, they ask, would create a fairer system? A couple of people suggest a fl at line, putting everyone on the same level. But most wanted a less radical redesign. A semi-circle would do – more room at the top, but still some oppor-tunity for people to work their way up the social ladder. “They all watch Alan Sugar,” says Mukherjee. “So they all believe: if I’ve got enough drive, I can make it. They don’t really see anyone from other social spheres. So they don’t really know how other people are so much more advantaged than them.”

Still, he shouldn’t be despondent: “They’ve taught us to think about things in a diff erent way,” says Begum. “You can’t really do that in lessons.”

Ah, the national curriculum – another recurrent theme. If the course is biased, say several students, it’s no more so than their human science A-levels at school, which rarely encour-age independent thought, and hardly ever c hallenge capitalism. “In history, you don’t learn about radical politics , says Luong . “ You do explore ideas, but only in the way that the curriculum teaches them.” In two years of busi-ness studies, 18-year-old Rosemary Ovensehi says she was never prompted to question whether businesses should

care about anything other than profi t. But on the fi rst day at Demand the Impossible, she learned about Shell’s chequered environmental record in Nigeria – and for the fi rst time realised profi t isn’t the only thing a business should be forced to worry about.

The week is full of such Damascene moments . As a child, Adenike Ijanusi, now 17, had always wanted to be a fi re-man, so a few years ago she did work experience at a fi re station. When they arrived, all the workies were lined up and asked to introduce themselves. But when they came to Ijanusi, the fi remen missed her out. As the only girl there, she was shunned. At the time, she just thought sexism was a fact of life, and set her sights on other goals: “I just washed it out of my mind.” But the course, with its side-focus on femi-nism, made her realise sexism is some-thing that can and should be fought.

“We’ve created some feminists!” says a delighted Maeve McKeown, a PhD candidate at UCL who gave an introduction to feminism on day two. “There were a few who were feminists at the start, but I don’t think most of them really understood how it ex-tended into their own lives. That’s the diff erence to how it’s been taught in

their schools. There, it’s just about the suff ragettes.”

“I wasn’t really a feminist before,” says Begum. “I thought it was about fi ghting for the right to vote. Now I realise how relevant it is, and how it’s about domestic violence and street harassment.” Some girls were so moved, they now want to set up a support hotline for domestic violence victims from ethnic backgrounds .

At the end of the week, the students give presentations on what they have learned and what related projects they plan to do . On the walls you can still see the massive mind-maps they drew at the beginning of the week – hundreds of scribbled statements of what the y thought politics was about : simplistic slogans such as “No War!”, “More Taxes!” and “End Poverty” . But just fi ve days later, those same teen-agers are talking confi dently about eco-anarchism and mutualism in the same breath as the patriarchy and Mark Fisher. It’s hard not to feel a little moved – a feeling that makes Lewis simultaneously elated and crestfallen.

“I was just thinking about going back to school,” he says, “and feeling very depressed.”demandimpossible.wordpress.com

On the web For a sideways look at the news, visit our Shortcuts blog guardian.co.uk/shortcuts

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Barry Prynn hauls up his small oyster dredge, alone, but for the seagull hovering above his little gaff -rigged sailing boat, Dolly. He

backs the sail, and heaves to, drifting slowly with the tide along the edge of a 25 metre-deep channel, hunting for oysters where the bed leaps to two metres.

Built in 1912, Dolly is older than Prynn, though he is getting on too – he should have retired years ago, but he can’t bring himself to leave. Every winter, he’s out in the estuary between Truro and Falmouth in Cornwall, hand-dredging the wild Fal oysters in this 500-hectare bed, a special area of conservation in the Carrick Roads waterway. It has existed for 500 years in the shallow channel where seawater mixes with the fresh water running down valleys from the River Fal’s source at Bodmin Moor.

This is probably the last oyster fi shery in the world using such traditional methods – only vessels powered by sail or oar can operate, within restricted hours – which makes for a sustainable operation. It is a public fi shery, open to anyone with a licence, and several fam-ilies have worked it for decades. But this could be the last generation of oys-termen here – numbers have dropped to 10 boats with around 20 fi shermen earning a living . At 37, Christopher Ranger is the youngest owner/skipper; unusually, he has taken on an apprentice and is teaching him the ropes. A lot of the skill is in the sailing, he says. “You want to catch more, and sail less, go across the seabed slowly.”

The short season and dwindling catches mean it is a far from lucrative business – bad weather meant Ranger

creating economic demand is the best way to support fi shermen taking care of the remaining beds . Bernadette Clarke, fi sheries offi cer at the Marine Conservation Society, says good management can only help to conserve oyster beds, such as the wild fi shery at Loch Ryan in Scotland, where fi shermen harvest just a small proportion of their oysters, allowing smaller ones to grow.

But creating more demand may not be easy. Although oysters were the food of the poor in Victorian times, many British people are now wary of them. A glut of negative headlines – high-profi le poisoning cases, and news last year that 75% of British-grown oysters contained “low levels of norovirus” –haven’t helped ( even though it didn’t change government advice on eating them ).

That isn’t the only image problem for the oyster. Health concerns aside, they are regarded as expensive and exclusive. There’s anxiety, too, about how to eat them, and how they will taste – and feel. Do you chew? (Yes.) Are they slimy? (No.) What do they

Shell out for oysters

got only 50 days fi shing last year, catching about 50 oysters a day. He charges around £1.25 for the smallest to £3.50 for larger specimens, selling online, to local restaurants such as the Greenbank and the likes of Mark Hix in London. Cornwall’s geology gives the oysters a slightly coppery fl avour – they are being considered for protected designation of origin status .

Native oysters were once abundant in Britain, but today you are more likely to come across hardier rock – or Pacifi c – oysters , which have the commercial advantage of being available all year rather than just in the September to April native season. Natives are in trouble in parts of the country – a combination of overfi shing, pollution and disease has contributed to their decline (in a global assessment, scientists estimated UK stocks had dropped by between 90% and 99%). There are periodic bans , such as that agreed this summer between the Blackwater Oystermen’s Association and the Essex Wildlife Trust , after the population there was found to be close to collapse.

Should we be eating natives at all? Absolutely, say scientists, who gathered at a conference at St Catharine’s College, Cambridge last month. Dr Philine zu Ermgassen, researching oyster restoration with the Nature Conservancy, points to the US where public funds are helping to relay oyster beds, and reaping the benefi ts that come with the return of these important habitats . “The UK doesn’t have that same investment,” she says. “Fisher-men are the biggest champions of oyster restoration here, they hold natives close to their hearts .” Ermgassen and others believe that

Oyster fi sherman Barry Prynn on his boat Dolly

The Truro

oyster

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Food

Britain’s native oysters are in decline, depriving fi shermen of a living and food lovers of a wonderful treat. As the season gets underway, Susan Smillie hears that the best way to save them is to eat more


The great French chef Fernand Point is said to have judged a chef by the way he fried eggs. So if you think you already know how to do it, read on.

The fatBacon fat is traditional , and advocated by Delia Smith, but though the fl avour is good, it makes for a messy looking egg. She also suggests substituting groundnut oil, which m ay be clean, but is boring tastewise. More popular are olive oil, favoured by Jamie Oliver, Spanish chef José Andrés and American food writer David Rosengarten , and butter, beloved of Point, his culinary disciple Bernard Loiseau, and Cooks Illustrated. Both lend distinctive fl avours to the egg, but the richness of butter is a better complement for the yolk.

The cookingBring your eggs to room temperature before cooking (very fresh eggs are best for frying, because the stronger proteins give a neater shape). Smith uses a high heat for a “slightly crispy, frilly edge; the white will be set and the yolk soft and runny”. After 30 seconds, she then turns the heat down to medium for a minute. The white is too tough , although the yolk is satisfyingly runny.

Andrés goes for a medium-high heat and, like Smith, tilts the pan to baste the egg throughout cooking. Using a smaller, steep-sided saute pan and more oil, however, means his egg sits in a pool of hot fat, almost as if it is being shallow fried. Although the contrast of texture between this outer shell and the soft, gooey yolk is interesting, it’s not what I want on my breakfast plate. Oliver dismisses such “crispy, bubbly eggs” in favour of cooking them gently over a medium-low heat. They are “soft and silky” as promised, but the white takes ages to cook through. Point cooks his egg on a heat “so low that the white barely turns creamy”, and fi nishes it with melted butter. This is a nice idea, but leaves a lot of undercooked white.

Tricks of the tradeCooks Illustrated stresses the egg should be fried “over the lowest possible heat”, but, unlike Point, allows the butter to foam rather than simply melt.

How to make the perfect

Fried eggsFelicity Cloake

To share your

tips, read more of

Felicity’s techniques

and join the

conversation, visit

guardian.co.uk/

food

THE DEBATE

taste like? (Wonderfully, of the sea, with a surprising variety of subtle fl avours, such as cucumber, cashew or pears, depending on where they grew.)

Richard Corrigan, the chef behind Bentley’s Oyster Bar in London, is a fan of Loch Ryan’s oysters . I try these, plus Whitstable and Colchester oysters, with lemon and pepper. The diff erence in fl avour is extraordinary – shamefully, given I’m Scottish, I prefer the sweet, fi rm little molluscs from West Mersea, and the salty, grassier Whitstable oysters over the loch’s more metallic-tasting creatures, but they’re all far superior to rock oysters .

Back in Falmouth, I visit the town’s annual oyster festival . The queue for the creperie is three times longer than that for the oyster stand. “Most people who ‘don’t like them,’” says a woman behind the counter, “haven’t actually tried them.” I think of Ranger and his apprentice, heading out to return the cultch (oyster shells) to the beds they have been working to help the next lot of spat attach, and I can only hope that changes.

The n the pan is cover ed to speed up the process, which results in an almost perfectly cooked egg – a soft, but fi rm white, and a gorgeously runny yolk. Loiseau takes Point’s low-heat technique a step further, cooking his egg on a saucer set over a pan of simmering water, then basting it with hot butter as before. It is even softer, but I begin to wonder if this is an entirely desirable quality – I’d quite like my egg white to have some bite. Step forward Rosen-garten, who deep fries in olive oil, for “the crispiest, most fl avourful fried eggs of all ”. Although the yolk is perfectly cooked, the white is almost crunchy, and very greasy. Lastly, I try the sous-vide technique from Dr Nathan My hrvold’s Modernist Cuisine at Home. I cook whole eggs in a 67C water bath for 40 minutes, separate the yolks, then bake a mixture of whisked egg whites, double cream and salt in an 160C oven for 12 minutes. Once they’re set, the yolks are plopped on top, and served, a mere one and a quarter hours after I started. The whites are tender and creamy, the yolks rich and sticky. Delicious – but not a fried egg.

I’ll stick with this simple but eff ective method – quick and easy enough to make the morning after the night before, and it hits the spot every time.

Perfect fried eggs 1 fresh egg, at room temperature

1tbsp butter

Salt and pepper

Crack the egg on to a saucer to make it easier to slide into the pan. Heat the butter in a heavy-based frying pan over a low heat, and fi nd a saucepan lid, ideally slightly smaller than the pan , so you can wedge it over the cooking eggs.

Once the butter has melted, but not begun to foam, swirl it around the pan to coat, then slide in the egg. Cover and leave for 3½ minutes, then check the white, lift out, season gently and serve immediately.

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The promotion is open to all UK residents, excluding households of employees of Guardian News and Media Limited, Entertainment Films and their agents or anyone professionally associated with this promotion. Tickets are subject to availability and will be allocated on a first come, first served basis via www.showfilmfirst.com. Each reader may claim up to two tickets. Readers who successfully book tickets must present this page with the ticket and have ID available if required. No photocopies of the page will be accepted. The tickets are not for resale. No cash alternative.No late admittance. The cinema reserves the right to refuse admission. In the event of a dispute, the cinema manager’s decision is final. For full terms and conditions visit: www.showfilmfirst.com

You’ve never met anyone like PAT (Bradley Cooper – THE HANGOVER) – he’s lost everything; his house, his job, and his wife and now fi nds himself living back with his mother and father (Robert DeNiro – MEET THE PARENTS) after a stint in a state institution...

PAT’s never met anyone like TIFFANY (Jennifer Lawrence – THE HUNGER GAMES) - a quirky, ballsy girl with quite a few problems of her own...

In the feel-good romantic comedy SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, we meet both PAT and TIFFANY who embark on an unexpected friendship that gives us all hope that if you stay positive you might just have a shot at a silver lining!

In cinemas from 21st November

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK CERT TBC

Screenings take place on Sunday 18th November, a 10:30am for 11am start at the following cinemas:

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EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW SCREENINGSThere is nothing more comforting than a big bowl of risotto – it’s a one-pot wonder that can be plonked on the table to feed a whole load of people. Chestnuts are in season now and work really well in this dish, and if you fancy, they go with wild mushrooms as well .

(Serves two)

2tbsp olive oil

50g butter, for cooking

1 small onion, fi nely chopped

225g risotto rice

200ml white wine

150g precooked chestnuts, crushed

1,200ml vegetable stock, heated through

1 tbsp parsley, chopped

150g butter, diced, to fi nish

150g gorgonzola, diced

100g parmesan, grated

Heat the oil in a large pan on a medium heat with the butter. When th e butter has melted, saute the onion for two minutes. Add the rice and toast for three minutes, stirring to allow the grains to open up. Pour in the wine, stirring while the liquid evaporates.

Add the chestnuts to the rice, followed by the stock, a ladle at a time, ensuring the liquid is absorbed before adding more, stirring through for 15 minutes. Check that the rice is cooked to your liking, add the parsley and remove from the heat.

Add the butter and gorgonzola and serve immediately topped with grated parmesan .

Food

Angela Hartnett

Midweek supperChestnut and gorgonzola

risotto

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Angela Hartnett is chef patron at Murano restaurant

and consults at the Whitechapel Gallery and Dining

Room, London. Twitter.com/angelahartnett

Tomorrow in fi lm and music:Jake Gyllenhaal speaks about his new fi lm End of Watch. Plus: Peter Bradshaw’s verdict on Argo and Alexis Petridis’s verdict on One Direction’s debut album

☜

guardian.co.uk/filmandmusic


incorporate Planck’s length as their absolute base unit, a sort of dpi (dots per inch) of the universe. However, the joker in the pack – extra dimensional theoretical physics – allows for diff er-ent values of those fundamental con-stants, any value for Planck’s length, and therefore no practical limit to the observable universe(s) .James Zigrino, Edinburgh

The signifi cance of thee and thou

Most European languages diff erentiate between familiar thou/tu and formal you/vous. When did English stop doing this and why?

English has not wholly lost its familiar form: a couple of years

ago I worked with some contractors in Rochdale who all called each other “thee”. It was still common enough in the early and mid-20th century for DH Lawrence to expect his readership to understand the signifi cance of Walter Morel in Sons and Lovers addressing the young, middle-class woman he is about to start courting as “thee”, and JRR Tolkien expected his to unpick the signifi cance of the conversation between Eowyn and Aragorn , as he takes his leave of her to lead his troop to Minas Tirith, in which she addresses him as “thou” while he fi rmly sticks to “you”. The spectacle that Eowyn is making of herself in

Is there a smallest thing in the universe?

Notes & Queries

Is it true to say that progressively shrinking size is infi nite? For example, is a trillionth the size of the nucleus of an atom actually possible?

Mathematically, yes, although a non-infi nite universe may run

out of space to write down all the zeros after the decimal point.

Practically, no; there are physical observational limits to the smallest distance we can measure, related to the wavelength of the radiation we observe with, which is proportional to the limits of the amounts of energy we have available to impart to particles. There’s also Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle in play , which means that the more precisely we know some-thing’s location, the less certainty we have about its other properties – ie the smaller we get, the less we know what the thing we’re actually measuring is.

But there is also an absolute physical limit (well beyond those observational limits) called the Planck length , beyond which it is widely regarded (because it is derived from three fundamental con-stants of the universe, so we’re pretty sure about this one) that no measure-ment or observation is possible. If you can’t observe beyond that point, then to all practical purposes that is the smallest thing possible in the universe.

Does that mean even smaller, unob-servable things are theoretically pos-sible? Almost all fundamental theories such as special relativity, string theory and loop quantum gravity say not, and

ANY ANSWERS?

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Regarding the

plight of polar

bears with their

ever-diminishing

food supply, has

anyone thought

about relocating

penguins from

south to north? It

seems ecologically

a sound move.

Dr Stuart Jones, Skegness, Lincs

Why do Italian

national sports

teams mostly wear

blue, rather than

one of the colours

represented on the

fl ag?

James Forrester, Amstelveen, Netherlands

Send questions and

answers to

[email protected]

or online at

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Please include name,

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I like thee … Walter courts Gertrude in Sons and Lovers

this scene, and the slap that Aragorn is giving her, caused my very toes to crawl away with embarrassment.Rachelthedigger

English has not quite stopped using thou/you. Many older

Cumbrians use “thou” in informal conversation .tawnyowl3

My (Yorkshire) parents used to assure me that in their school-

days it was insulting to use “thou” to one who was not either a sexual intimate or a much younger child. An appropriate fi ghting response, my mother claimed, might be: “Doan’t thee ‘thou’ me: thee ‘thou’ tha’sen, an’ see how tha laikes it!”Andrew Coulson, Musselburgh, E Lothian

In my home city of Bristol, “thee” is regularly used, often in the

form of “dee”, so “are you going to …?” becomes “deest goin’ to …?” This is best seen in the threat of a punch: “diesel get a knuckle san’wich ...”Andy Bebington, Croydon, Surrey

The joy of a half-empty glass

What causes someone to possess a “glass half empty” (negative) mentality, as opposed to a “glass half full” (positive) attitude?

Any negativist who cares if a glass is half empty or half full is a

rank amateur. We truly negative people know that it doesn’t matter, because someone is bound to knock it over and spill the lot shortly anyway.Michael Fisher, Queensland, Australia


‘I don’t know my lines’ … Michael Gambon with Eileen Atkins on set; below, the pair in rehearsals

it,” she says. “The fi lm company was saying, ‘You can be a day or two late, can’t you?’ I said, ‘We’ve only got two and a half weeks’ rehearsal and I can’t give up a day.’”

The play is a characteristically Beckettian mix of bawdiness, comedy and tragedy. What begins as a comic expedition turns into a whodunnit: as a treat for her husband on his birthday, Mrs Rooney is meeting her husband after he has spent Saturday morning at his offi ce . She encounters a variety of local characters on the way, each travelling by increasingly sophisticated modes of transport – horse and cart, bicycle, then Mr Slocum’s “limousine”.

The p roduction’s success is somewhat surprising – not least because of stringent rules imposed by the Beckett estate, which demand that it has to be staged as if it were a performance for radio . The actors carry scripts; props and gestures are kept to a minimum; and there are microphones hanging from the ceiling to simulate a 1950s studio. Nunn calls it a “visualised radio play”, and the conceit is that the audience are eavesdroppers at a studio recording.

“Having to carry the script locks your acting down,” Gambon admits. “You want to hug people and do things with your arms, so that is a bit restricting. I don’t know my lines, so I have to keep fl icking down at the script, which holds you up. It’s

an impediment in the way of your emotions. It does strange things, but you get used to it.”

“ It’s stylised,” Atkins says, “and it’s interesting. You have to make it work for you.”

As I watch the run-through, it’s clear that, by now, the rest of the cast know their lines – but Nunn still wants them to behave exactly as they would for a radio recording , reading off scripts. The only truly physical piece of theatre comes when Mr Slocum , an old admirer of Mrs Rooney, levers her into his car in a sequence fi lled with double

entendres : “I’m coming, Mrs Rooney, I’m coming. Give me time, I’m as

stiff as yourself.” It’s undeniably funny, but the

mood darkens when Mr Rooney’s much-delayed train eventually turns up. A body was found on the line. Was he responsible? And what does his great howl at the end of the play signify? Al though his howl is undeniably visceral, Gambon, the great scene-stealer , has had to rein himself in . “I feel myself wanting to do more physi-

cal acting the whole time,” he says.When he triumphed in Krapp’s Last

Tape in 2010 in the West End , there

Eileen Atkins is trying to eat a fruit salad while explaining why women in the theatre fi nd it diffi cult to eat properly when they

are working. Michael Gambon is easier to please: a ham sandwich and a quick fag will see him through.

The pair are rehearsing what must be one of the swiftest transfers in stage history. All That Fall, a radio play by Samuel Beckett fi rst broadcast in 1957, and which had never before been staged in the UK , closed last Saturday at the tiny, 70-seat Jermyn Street theatre in central London; tonight, it reopens for a three-week run in the West End .

“It’s nice to give it a bit more life,” says Atkins, who gives a bravura performance as Maddy Rooney, an elderly Irish woman who turns a walk to the station to meet her blind husband, Dan ( Gambon), into an impassioned examination of her life. Atkins turned down a fi lm role to appear in All That Fall. “I’m feeling rather awful about that,” she says, “ because I now know the actress who got the part.”

“Was it good money?” asks Gambon. “More than we’re getting,” she says. Atkins is 78, Gambon 72, and off

stage they have the same easy intimacy of the old couple they play . Atkins does not for a moment think she made the wrong choice : putting on this rare piece, with a cast of nine under director Trevor Nunn , was one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. “I wanted to do it the minute I read

Arts

Easy riders

imousine .is

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Beckett’s estate insists All That Fall, his play about a woman going to meet her husband, be staged as a radio drama. So how are Michael Gambon and Eileen Atkins getting on? Stephen Moss fi nds out


‘People can

be a bit too

reverential

with

Beckett.

I want to put

up a notice

saying: You

can laugh’

were no such inhibitions. “I invented a few bits . A banana falls on the stage. Krapp bends over to pick it up, and on the way up it travelled past here” – he motions vaguely at his crotch – “so I brought it in a bit and brought the house down. The director said, ‘Leave it in and see what happens.’” The trustees from the Beckett estate, who were present to make sure the master’s wishes were being adhered to, let it pass.

Gambon, who has done two other Beckett plays in the past eight years

All That Fall is at the Arts theatre, London

WC2, until 24 November. Details: 020-7836

8463, artstheatrewestend.co.uk

way through,” says Gambon. “But some don’t move at all.”

“It’s agony when they don’t move,” says Atkins.

“Like being in a church,” Gambon adds. Could he not galvanise them with a penis gag?

“Oh, don’t tell him that,” says Atkins .

All That Fall is a complex text , and has been read in many ways. It was intensely personal to Beckett, who drew on his

upbringing in Dublin for many of the characters, and compresses many of his great themes – death, sex, loss of faith. It has been endlessly rationalised, and its inner rhythms and structures mined, but Atkins feels it’s unwise for actors to overdo the analysis. “I have a massive feeling for Beckett and for this play,” she says. “If academics want to discuss it, that’s fi ne; but it’s not very productive for an actor. You just have to have a feel for the text, the words, the poetry.”

To act the roles, do they feel they need to know all the answers to the riddle at the heart of the play? “ I think it’s for the audience to decide,” says Atkins. “People should go away into restaurants afterwards and discuss what it was about. I have a story in my head, and my story of telling this is as valid as anybody else’s. ”

Will the play have a further incarnation after its short run here? “I’d like to go to New York with it for a couple of weeks,” says Atkins.

“It would go well in New York,” echoes Gambon. “A month on Broadway in a small theatre. It would be fun.” But fi rst Atkins has to fi nish her fruit salad, while Gambon has to have another cigarette and then move his car . Undemonstratively.

(Eh Joe, Endgame), says it doesn’t do to be too austere. “I heard of a professor from Oxford who was trying to get an interview with Beckett in Paris for three years, and fi nally Beckett agreed to meet him in some cafe. He said to the Oxford man , ‘What’s the new TR7 like?’ And the man said, ‘I don’t know, I haven’t read it yet.’ Beckett said, ‘It’s a car, you fucking eejit.’”

“ People come a bit reverential,” says Atkins. “I want to put a notice outside saying, ‘You can laugh.’”

“Some have been laughing all the

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It came as a shock to hear, over dinner with Gil Evans in 1978, that in the preceding year he had made only one public appearance. A man who had

already done as much as just about anyone to shape the music of the 20th century had performed, unpaid, at a benefi t for his children’s school in New York. And that was it.

The great man’s rueful revelation came a day or two after his long-awaited London debut, in which he and his 12-piece American band had been received with rapture by a n audience keen to show its aff ection and reverence for the man whose collaboration with Miles Davis on a trio of classic albums – Miles Ahead, Porgy and Bess, and Sketches of Spain – had redefi ned the art of jazz orchestration .

Had he received anything like the appropriate material reward for his eff ect on music , Evans would have been able to live like Elton John . Instead, he spent his life – even his later years, when he was rather more in demand for concert tours and fi lm scores – in perpetual economic crisis. Since he functioned primarily as a re-arranger of other people’s composi-tions, he received little in the way of royalties from the recordings to which he made such a profound contribution. Although hundreds of thousands of copies of Sketches of Spain might have been sold in the half-century since its appearance, Evans went home from the sessions with, at most, a couple of thousand dollars in arranging fees. No wonder he followed Davis’s example and, in the latter part of his life , courted a younger, bigger audience.

By the time he arrived in London 34 years ago, his repertoire had moved on. Fans hoping for the coolly luminous sounds unfurled on earlier albums were to be disappointed. Instead of the delicate reimagining of pieces by Kurt Weill and Léo Delibes , we were presented with bold, driving versions of Jimi Hendrix songs , taken from Evans’s LP devoted to the guitarist’s themes, recorded four years earlier.

the equal of his celebrated work in the 1950s and 60s? The trumpeter Henry Lowther – a lifelong admirer who played in Evans’s bands during a couple of seasons at Ronnie Scott’s, and on a 1980s UK tour – thinks not. “Gil was an absolutely lovely man,” says Lowther, who also played on Evans’s soundtrack to Julien Temple’s Absolute Beginners . “He was modest and unassuming , but he was terribly disorganised and a chaotic bandleader . It was notoriously diffi cult to get music out of him. Sometimes, he’d turn up at the studio with a few scraps of paper, and sometimes he wouldn’t have anything at all.

“Most of the pieces he gave us were one-chord jams with no organisation. It was a bit of a free-for-all, and musicians tend to take advantage of that to release their egos and thrust themselves forward. That was a bit disappointing, although there’s no doubt in my mind that Gil was the most important writer in jazz history after Duke Ellington.”

As if to make up for the disappointment, in recent years Lowther has performed in recitals of music from all three early, classic Davis/Evans albums, taking the soloist’s role. Such shows are increas-ingly common and greatly enjoyed, since the original creators performed little of this cherished music live.

But the last years of a great life in music were not just a matter of one-chord free-for-alls. They contained their share of immortal recordings – Zee Zee from 1971, There Comes a Time from 1974 , the 1978 Festival Hall version of Variation on the Misery – often based on no more than a scrap of material coaxed into shimmering, multifaceted life. Perhaps a little of that magic will return on Sunday.

His version of Hendrix’s Little Wing gets another airing this Sunday at the Queen Elizabeth Hall, London, where the Trinity College of Music Big Band, directed by saxophonist Mark Lockheart, celebrate th e centenary of Evans’s birth as part of the London jazz festival . The fi rst half of the concert will be devoted to interpretations of the fi ve pieces on Out of the Cool, Evans’s great 1960 studio album, with the second featuring material from his later career.

Lockheart, who came to the attention of the jazz world as a founder member of Loose Tubes in the 1980s, heard Evans for the fi rst time at the age of 14. “I was blown away,” he says, “and he became a huge infl uence on me. One of the wonderful things about his music is that it’s full of eccentric touches. It never sounds like generic jazz. And everything is very stripped-down: he teaches you not to overwrite.”

Was the music Evans made in the fi nal years before his death, in 1988,

‘He was

a chaotic

bandleader

– it was

notoriously

difficult to

get music

out of him’

Arts

Celebrating Gil Evans is at the Queen

Elizabeth Hall, London SE1 (0844 847

9910), on Sunday. The London jazz festival

(londonjazzfestival.org.uk) starts tomorrow.

‘The best after Duke’ …Evans with Miles Davis; the pair recorded three classic albums

Purple hazerHis cool, luminous sound redefi ned jazz. Then he threw it all in for Jimi Hendrix. Richard Williams on the many lives of Gil Evans

m


Interview by Sarah Phillips. The World Press

Photo exhibition is at the Royal Festival Hall,

London SE1, tomorrow until 27 November.

Details: worldpressphoto.org

The New York Times sent me to Yemen last year to photograph protests against the regime of President Ali Abdullah Saleh . No one was really covering the story – most foreign correspondents and photographers were in Tunisia, Egypt or Libya, reporting on the revolutions there .

This was taken on my second day , after hours of intensive shooting and bombing. Twelve people were killed and 30 wounded that day . Early in the morning, I went to what was dubbed Change Square , where protesters were congregating, and

marched with them until snipers attacked us. We retreated to the square only to fi nd tanks fi ring artillery shells. I ran into a nearby mosque that was being used as a makeshift hospital. That was when I found Fatima holding her wounded son, Zayed .

It was chaotic. Everyone was crying . But Fatima was completely calm as she waited for a doctor to see her

18-year-old boy. His leg was wounded and I assumed he had been shot , but he’d

actually fallen, intoxicated by tear gas. After the picture

was taken, he spent three days in a coma.

When Fatima heard

that protesters had been killed, she went straight to this mosque to see if Zayed was there. This is the moment she found her son alive.

Their pose and the way the light fell made it easy to see the shot. In a matter of seconds, I’d taken fi ve frames . I knew it was a strong image, but I was overwhelmed by the reaction it got. I didn’t know anything about them at all – none of these details – until much later, when the shot won this year’s World Press Photo award and I was able to go back to Yemen to hear their story properly .

My best shot Samuel Aranda ‘Fatima went looking for her son amid the violence in Yemen. This is the moment she found him alive’

THE CV

Born: Barcelona,

1979.

Studied: Trained

at El País and

El Periódico de

Catalunya.

Infl uences: James

Nachtwey, Stanley

Greene .

High point: “In

2004, my story about

Moroccan immigrants

forced Spain to

change its policy.”

Top tip: “Open

a bakery!”

Arts Battle of the titans

Do Henri Cartier- Bresson’s photographs hold their own against great colour shots?guardian.co.uk/art

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Adelphi Theatre 0844 579 0094NOW PREVIEWING

THE BODYGUARDMon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 3pmwww.thebodyguardmusical.com

OLD VIC 0844 871 7628SHERIDAN SMITH

HEDDA GABLERMon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 2.30pm

Final week

GIELGUD 0844 482 5130

CHARIOTS OF FIRE***** 'A magnificent triumph'

Mail on SundayMon-Sat 19:45, Wed & Sat 15:00

chariotsoffireonstage.com

NOVELLO 0844 482 5115'ABBA-Solutely Fabulous' D.Mail

MAMMA MIA!Mon-Sat 7.45, Thurs & Sat 3pm,

www.Mamma-Mia.com

Shaftesbury Theatre 0207 379 5399

ROCK OF AGESTHE SMASH HIT MUSICAL

CAMBRIDGE 08444124652Roald Dahl’s

MATILDA THE MUSICALTue7Wed-Sat7.30Wed&Sat2.30Sun3

www.matildathemusical.com

QUEEN'S 0844 482 5160

LES MISERABLESWINNER! 2012 Olivier

Audience AwardEves 7.30, Mats Wed & Sat 2.30

www.LesMis.com

St Martin's 08444 99151560th year of Agatha Christie's

THE MOUSETRAPEvenings 7.30 Mats. Tues 3 Sat 4

www.the-mousetrap.co.uk

St James Theatre 0844 264 2140

DADDY LONG LEGSA new musical

Directed by John Cairdwww.stjamestheatre.co.uk

Aldwych Theatre 0844 847 1712

TOP HAT"A musical like this comes around

once in a lifetime." Sunday TelTue-Sat 7.30, Tue,Thu & Sat 2.30

www.tophatonstage.com

Garrick 0844 412 4662book online loservillethemusical.com

LOSERVILLE the MusicalMon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 3pm

Tickets from £10.00 - £49.50

LYRIC THEATRE 0844 412 4661

THRILLER – LIVE!Tue-Fri7.30, Sat 4&8, Sun 3.30&7.30

www,thrillerlive.com

APOLLO VICTORIA 0844 847 1696

WICKEDWickedTheMusical.co.uk

Mon-Sat 7.30pm Wed & Sat 2.30pm

Theatres London

Prince Edward 0844 482 5152

JERSEY BOYSWinner Best Musical! Oliviers

Tue-Sat 7.30,Tue&Sat 3pm, Sun 5pm

Savoy Theatre 0844 871 7687Will Young as Emcee

Michelle Ryan as Sally Bowles

CABARET

London Palladium 0844 412 4655TOMMY STEELE in

THE SPECTACULAR MUSICAL

SCROOGE

LYCEUM 0844 871 3000book online www.thelionking.co.uk

Disney Presents

THE LION KINGTue-Sat 7.30, Wed, Sat & Sun 2.30

For Group/Education rates call08448717644 / Disney 02078450949

Criterion Theatre 0844 847 2483London’s Funniest Comedy

The 39 StepsMon-Sat 8pm, Wed 3pm, Sat 4pm

Ambassadors 08448 112 334

STOMPMon, Thu-Sat 8pm

Thu, Sat & Sun 3pm, Sun 6pm

New London Theatre020 7452 3000 / 0844 412 4654

WAR HORSEWarhorseonstage.com

PHOENIX THEATRE 08448717629

BLOOD BROTHERSFINAL WEEK-ENDS SAT

APOLLO THEATRE 0844 412 4658TWELFTH NIGHT

RICHARD IIIIn repertoire

Tickets released every dayShakespearewestend.com HER MAJESTY'S 0844 412 2707

THE BRILLIANT ORIGINAL

THE PHANTOM OFTHE OPERA

Mon-Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30www.ThePhantomOfTheOpera.com

DOMINION 0844 847 1775

WE WILL ROCK YOUby QUEEN & BEN ELTON

Mon-Sat 7.30, Mat Sat 2.30Extra show last Wednesday

of every month at 2.30www.wewillrockyou.co.uk

ARTS THEATRE 020 7836 8463A Radio Play by Samuel Beckett

Directed by Trevor Nunn

ALL THAT FALLCast includes Eileen Aitkins

And Michael Gambon

Vaudeville Theatre 0844 412 4663

UNCLE VANYAMon - Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30

PALACE THEATRE 0844 412 4656

SINGIN' IN THE RAINsinginintherain.co.uk

PINTER 0844 871 7622ALAN AYCKBOURN’S

A CHORUS OF DISAPPROVALachorusofdisapproval.com

Duchess Theatre 0844 412 4659

OUR BOYS

DRURY LANE 0844 871 8810

SHREK THE MUSICAL

Wyndham’s Theatre 0844 4825120

DREAMBOATS& PETTICOATS

Piccadilly Theatre 0844 871 3055

VIVA FOREVER!Based on the songs of the Spice Girls

Book by Jennifer SaundersFrom 27 November | £20-£67.50www.VivaForeverTheMusical.com

En

tert

ain

men

t


Television

I think the prime minister is abroad at the moment isn’t he? In the Gulf, selling arms to countries with dodgy human-rights records; not in America

talking to a dodgy petrochemical company as the PM is in this political conspiracy thriller, Secret State (Chan-nel 4). Same idea, though – dubious big business ahead of domestic hardship.

It’s diffi cult not to replace charac-ters with their counterparts from the real world. Of course, no one would wish it on our PM, but if his plane were to come down in suspicious circumstances (Boris, was that you, with your big grouse-buster blunder-buss?) on the way back, there could be a similar scenario. The home secretary and the foreign secretary fi ght for power. So that’s Felix Durrel (Rupert Graves) and Ros Yelland (Sylvestra Le Touzel), respectively, in Secret State; Theresa May and William Hague in real life. Their genders are reversed then, and you can’t see Hague going there again. Actually Yelland reminds me more of Louise Mensch, and posh boy Durrel – they call him Fauntleroy – of George Osborne. Then there’s the main man, thoughtful deputy PM Tom Dawkins (Gabriel Byrne), who’s too dignifi ed, too likeble, to be Nick Clegg; more of a Ken Clarke . And scheming string-pulling chief whip John Hodder (Charles Dance) is probably not the type to abuse the cops at the gates of Downing Street; he’s craftier than that. I’m not sure the coalition has one of them at the moment ; he’s more of a Bernard Ingham.

They may be caricatures, but they’re just about credible . And they should be; Chris Mullin, who wrote A Very British Coup , on which this is very loosely based, spent 23 years in the Commons.

Mullin is Labour, and so was his fi ctional cabinet (as they were in the fi rst TV dramatisation of the novel, in the 80s). This time it’s not clear what

not for his performance (he doesn’t say anything) but because he’s played by Mullin, now retired from politics.

Mullin probably wouldn’t recog-nise it as having much to do with his book, or the fi rst TV adaptation, which more than nodded to rumours of real-life murky attempts by the security services and other dark forces to undermine governments. That was the 1980s though, when there were fewer distractions and people had more time to get involved in brood-ing, intricate thrillers. This one may have just about credible characters, but otherwise the real world has been abandoned. It’s been sexed-up and Spookifi ed for the attention-defi cit 21st century, with big explosions and downed planes, spy-cams pointing every which way, and glamo rous young staff at GCHQ. Heaps of fun, but not a whole lot more.

It was a night of 80s remakes. Thirty years on from the fi rst Comic Strip Presents episode – the Famous Five parody in which Adrian Edmondson, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Peter Richardson and Timmy the dog went mad in Dorset – here’s The Comic Strip Presents ... Five Go to Rehab (Gold). Dick (Edmondson) is nostalgic for those happy days cycling in the West country, camping, lashings of you-know-which fi zzy drink etc, so he gets the old gang back together to pedal down memory lane. The others’ hearts aren’t really in it though; they’ve moved on, they’re alcoholics, they’ve got other secrets, they don’t want to be there.

Which rather refl ects the whole experience I’m afraid. Comedy has moved on; what was once anarchic now isn’t. This kind of pastiche feels tired (was it ever that funny?), cer-tainly laboured over an hour. Someone left the top off the ginger beer, for 30 years. No fi zz left; it’s warm and fl at.

Last night's TVSecret State is just like real British politics – but sexed up and Spookifi ed

By Sam Wollaston

side of the house they are on and it doesn’t matter . I’m just assuming they’re Tories because of how they are.

There are lots of good performances. I don’t quite believe Byrne as a top British politician taking on the nasty American company that blew a hole in Teesside; he’s too thoughtful, too honourable, too bullshit-free (there’s something of Borgen about him, like the time he abandons a prepared speech and speaks from the heart). He’s certainly very watchable, though, a proper screen presence. The others – Graves and Le Touzel, Dance as the pantomime-villain master-puppeteer, Gina McKee as the journalist – are also good. I was enjoying Tobias Menzies as the PM too, before his plane came down (Charles Flyte he’s called, ho ho). And the vicar deserves a mention too – P

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AU

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Dorries square

her Christian faith

and pro-life views

with the needless

slaughter – purely for

TV entertainment –

of innocent animals

in the jungle? After

all, Jesus loves

witchetty grubs too.

AND ANOTHER THING

‘Too honourable’ … Gabriel Byrne in Secret State


Watch this

TV and radio

Great Continental Railway Journeys9pm, BBC2Michael Portillo retraces journeys featured in George Bradshaw’s Continental Railway Guide from 1913. The choice of year is, of course, not accidental, as the politician-turned-journo hunts for evidence of a world about to be swept away by the fi rst world war. Portillo begins with a journey through France in search of La Belle Époque, a trip that takes in Montmartre, absinthe, and the Monte Carlo casino. Jonathan Wright

Hatfi elds & McCoys9pm, Channel 5The fi ghtin’ and a-feudin’ moves up a notch or two as the town is visited by bounty hunters looking to spill Hatfi eld blood. But strangers are no match for the local family who know the region too well, so the only blood these gunmen end up spilling is their own. It becomes clear to the McCoys that they’re going to have to fi nd help closer to home in the shape of the well-named Bad Frank . There’s also a Hatfi eld/Mc-Coy wedding that fails to bring the families closer. Phelim O’Neill

The Year the Town Hall Shrank9pm, BBC4The series focused on spending cuts in Stoke-on-Trent continues with the run-up to the May 2011 local elections. It’s a campaign we see, in great part, from the perspective of the British

National party, which had previously made inroads in the area. Contrasting with the idiocy of far-right politics, cameras also follow something important: the closure of an old people’s home. Staff worry that moving elderly residents will lead to premature deaths but can’t do much except off er care and com-passion: “It’s lovely where you’re going … D’ya need a cuddle?” JW

Hebburn10pm, BBC2Jack’s off for an interview at the Barnsley Gazette and his sister Vicki, who gets all the best lines, has a new car so she can give him a lift. “I feel like when Cheryl drove that tank in Afghanistan,” she muses. Her enthusiasm soon subsides when she and Granny Dot get lost and risk missing their appoint-ment at the Wax Hatch. Back at home, Joe (with Vic Reeves in his surpris-ingly normal dad role) lends Sarah his special fork to clean the hairs out of the plughole. Later, Jack and Sarah break some big news. Hannah Verdier

Great Continental Railway Journeys, BBC2

Hebburn, BBC2

Channel 4

Lucumi Choir.12.30 Through The Night. Including music by Beethoven, Janacek, Strauss, Khachaturian, Tchaikovsky, Brahms, Enescu, Mendelssohn, Telemann, Mozart, Maldere, Stenhammar, Donizetti, Quantz, Lully and Dowland.

Radio 492.4-94.6 MHz; 198kHz

6.0 Today. News headlines and sport with John Humphrys. 8.31 (LW) Yesterday In Parliament. Political proceedings, with Sean Curran. 8.58 (LW) Weather 9.0 In Our Time. The story of the Upanishads, the ancient sacred texts of Hinduism. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. Led by the Rev Dr Mark Wakelin. 9.45

BBC1 BBC2 ITV1

6.0pm Eggheads (R) (S) Quiz, hosted by Dermot Murnaghan.6.30 Strictly Come Dancing — It Takes Two (S)

6.0pm Local News (S) (Followed by Weather.)6.30 ITV News And Weather (S)

6.0pm The Simpsons (R) (S) (AD) Homer’s mother dies. With the voice of Glenn Close.6.30 Hollyoaks (S) (AD)

6.0pm BBC News (S) (Followed by Weather.)6.30 Regional News Programmes (S) (Followed by Weather.)

7.0 The Dark: Nature’s Nighttime World (R) (S) (AD) Observing nocturnal creatures in a fl ooded Amazon forest, including a curious sloth, giant anteaters, vampire bats and a species new to science.

7.0 Emmerdale (S) (AD) 7.30 The Best Start In Life?: Tonight (S) Fiona Foster investigates parents’ expectations on their children to excel academically.

7.0 Channel 4 News (S) (Including sport and weather.)7.55 4thought.tv (S) War veteran John Ley, 92, argues that there is no glory in the killing and dying he has witnessed.

7.0 The One Show (S) Matt Baker and Alex Jones present the live magazine format.7.30 EastEnders (S) (AD) Kat receives another text from her lover. (Followed by BBC News; Regional News.)

8.0 MasterChef: The Professionals (S) Six chefs battle it out in the quarter-fi nal, demonstrating a dish of their own invention.

8.0 Emmerdale (S) (AD) Declan is puzzled as Megan asks Katie about setting Robbie up with the CCTV.8.30 Emmerdale At 40 (S) Featuring cast members past and present.

8.0 Kirstie’s Vintage Home (S) New series. Kirstie Allsopp helps families transform their cluttered homes, attempting to introduce them to new crafts, skills and techniques for interior decoration.

8.0 Young Apprentice (S) The hopefuls attempt to publish cookbooks, but an inability to spell proves a major drawback for some of them.

9.0 Great Continental Railway Journeys (S) (AD) New series. Michael Portillo retraces journeys from Bradshaw’s Continental Railway Guide of 1913. Here, he travels from London to Monte Carlo.

9.0 DCI Banks (S) (AD) Part two of two. Banks remains focused on Owen, while Morton uncovers new leads pointing to Ellie’s ex, Tyler. Last in series.

9.0 The Inbetweeners Movie (Ben Palmer, 2011) (S) (AD) Awkward teenagers holiday in Greece. Entertaining feature-length spin-off from the British TV comedy.With Joe Thomas and Simon Bird.

9.0 Hunted (S) (AD) Sam suspects that Turner intends to assassinate a Pakistani presidential candidate.

11.20 Dara O Briain’s Science Club (R) (S) (AD) The comedian is joined by a team of experts to investigate a subject each week.

11.05 The Jonathan Ross Show (R) (S) With Olly Murs and Melissa George. Music from Tinie Tempah and Calvin Harris.

11.05 The Inbetweeners Top 10 Moments (R) (S) A countdown of the comedy’s greatest moments, featuring interviews with actors Joe Thomas, Simon Bird, James Buckley and Blake Harrison..

11.35 This Week (S) Andrew Neil, Michael Portillo and guests discuss political and parliamentary developments from the past seven days.

Radio 390.2-92.4 MHz

6.30 Breakfast. Sara Mohr-Pietsch introduces favourite pieces, notable performances and a few surprises. 9.0 Essential Classics. With Sarah Walker. Including the Essential CD of the Week: Virtuoso and Romantic Encores for Violin, performances by Frans Bruggen and this week’s guest, physicist Athene Donald.12.0 Composer Of The Week: Mendelssohn. Donald Macleod follows Mendelssohn as he bids farewell to Berlin and turns

Radio down a trip to New York, where he had been invited to conduct a musical festival.1.0 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. The third of this week’s concerts given by the Nash Ensemble at LSO St Luke’s features Mozart’s Piano Trio in G and Brahms’ Piano Quintet in F minor. (R)2.0 Afternoon On 3. Bizet’s The Pearl Fishers, with Charles Castronovo, Jean-Francois Lapointe and Annick Massis. Michel Plasson conducts the Netherlands Radio Chorus and Philharmonic Orchestra.4.30 In Tune. Sean Raff erty presents live music by the Apollo Saxophone Quartet and harpsichordist Kah-Ming Ng. Plus guests from Puppetry in Opera.6.30 Composer Of The Week: Mendelssohn. (R)7.30 Radio 3 Live In Concert.

From City Halls, Glasgow, Donald Runnicles and the BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra perform excerpts from Berlioz’s Romeo et Juliette and Wagner’s Tristan und Isolde Act 2.10.0 Free Thinking. An audience with Lee Hall, writer of Billy Elliot and The Pitmen Painters, recorded at the Sage Gateshead as part of the Radio 3 Free Thinking Festival. Chaired by Philip Dodd.10.45 The Free Thinking Essay: New Generation Thinkers. Historian Emma Griffi n, one of Radio 3’s New Generation Thinkers, gives a talk on what makes a good mother today, recorded at the Free Thinking Festival.11.0 Late Junction. Max Reinhardt’s selection includes Rhodri Davies, Kid Koala and the London

10.0 Hebburn (S) (AD) Sarah attempts to give Jack advice on his interview technique.10.30 Newsnight (S) Analysis of the day’s events, presented by Kirsty Wark. (Followed by Weather.)

10.0 ITV News At Ten And Weather (S)10.30 Local News/Weather (S)10.35 Corfu: A Tale Of Two Islands (S) A hotel manager feels the impact of the economic downturn.

10.0 BBC News (S)10.25 Regional News And Weather (S)10.35 Question Time (S) Bexhill-on-Sea is the setting. Guests include Labour MP Chuka Umunna and Liberal Democrat peer Shirley Williams.

Film of the dayThe Inbetweeners Movie (9pm, Channel 4) The sixth-form gang from the TV sitcom head to Malia for a lads-abroad excursion. All sorts of crass and crude antics, but some sympathy too, for their hormonally-challenged predicament.


Other channels

E46.0pm The Big Bang Theory. Raj faces being sent back to India. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory. Sheldon faces his arch-enemy — actor Wil Wheaton. 7.0 Hollyoaks. A rift develops between Tony and Cindy. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother. Ted meets a former girlfriend. 8.0 How I Met Your Mother. Marshall worries about his past indiscretions. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory. The friends fi ght over a ring they believe was used in The Lord of the Rings. 9.0 2 Broke Girls. Caroline struggles to assemble a folding bed. 9.30 New Girl. The fl atmates celebrate Thanksgiving. 10.0 Big Fat Quiz Of The 00s. Jimmy Carr tests six celebrities on their knowledge of the 2000s. Last in the series. 11.40 The Big Bang Theory. Raj faces being sent back to India.

Film46.35pm Beaches. Drama, starring Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey. 9.0 The Twilight Saga: New Moon. Romantic fantasy, starring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. 11.35 Another 48 Hrs. Comedy thriller sequel, starring Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte.

FX6.0pm Leverage. Ford’s team investigates the wounding of a soldier. 7.0 NCIS. The team makes a surprising discovery. 8.0 NCIS. A Navy diver hunting for sunken treasure is apparently murdered. 9.0 Family Guy. Brian becomes a best-selling writer. 9.30 American Dad! Stan fakes his family’s deaths to avoid embarrassment. 10.0 The Cleveland Show. Pilot episode of the Family Guy spin-off , with the voice of Mike Henry. 10.30 Family Guy. Peter and Lois visit a psychic. 11.0 Family Guy. Meg receives a makeover. 11.30 Family Guy. Peter learns Loretta is having an aff air. 12.0 American Dad! Stan becomes obsessed with a band.

ITV26.0pm The Jeremy Kyle Show USA. The host takes his successful talk-show stateside. 7.0 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill narrates camcorder calamities. 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill narrates camcorder calamities. 8.0 The X Factor USA. The build-up to tomorrow’s live shows

Channel 5 BBC3 BBC4 Atlantic

continues. 10.0 Celebrity Juice. With guests Dougie Poynter, Tom Fletcher, Mel C and Ashley Banjo. 10.50 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records. Incredible and peculiar record-breaking attempts. 11.20 Nutty Professor II: The Klumps. Comedy sequel, starring Eddie Murphy.

Sky16.0pm Raising Hope. Jimmy’s parents suggest he discipline his daughter. 6.30 The Simpsons. Lisa discovers her mother was an A-grade student. 7.0 The Simpsons. Bart and Lisa have families of their own. 7.30 The Simpsons. Homer takes part in an FBI operation against Fat Tony. 8.0 The Middle. Brooke Shields guest stars. 8.30 Modern Family. Claire plans a bit of Halloween mischief. 9.0 Spy. Tim is forced to take Marcus to work with him. 9.30 Trollied. The staff accidentally discover one another’s pay rates. 10.0 A League Of Their Own. Sport-based comedy quiz show, hosted by James Corden. 11.0 Road Wars. Police offi cers combat vehicle crime. 12.0 Road Wars. Police offi cers combat vehicle crime.

Sky Arts 16.0pm All You Need Is Love. The origins of American popular music. 7.0 Big Ideas For A Small Planet. Two diff ering visions of the future of electric cars. 7.30 Dead Art. Dee Snider visits Pere Lachaise cemetery on the outskirts of Paris. 8.0 Mariella’s Book Show. New series. With Anthony Horowitz, Alexander McCall Smith and Frances Osborne. 9.0 Playhouse Presents: Walking The Dogs. Comedy drama, starring Emma Thompson. 9.30 Onion News Network. The studio becomes sentient. 10.0 Cream Live At The Royal Albert Hall. The reunited band’s week of concerts in 2005. 12.0 Mariella’s Book Show. With Anthony Horowitz, Alexander McCall Smith and Frances Osborne.

TCM7.05pm Eight Legged Freaks. Comedy horror, starring David Arquette. 9.0 Police Academy. Comedy, starring Steve Guttenberg. 10.50 The Lost Boys. Comedy horror, starring Kiefer Sutherland.

2.15 Afternoon Drama: The Other Simenon. The Neighbours, by Georges Simenon.3.0 Open Country. Helen Mark visits the Lake District.3.27 Radio 4 Appeal. On behalf of the charity Circles. (R)3.30 Bookclub. David Almond’s Skellig. (R)4.0 The Film Programme. With Francine Stock.4.30 Material World. With Quentin Cooper.5.0 PM. With Eddie Mair.5.57 Weather6.0 Six O’Clock News6.30 Andrew Lawrence: How Did We End Up Like This? A comic take on human evolution.7.0 The Archers. Rhys receives an off er out of the blue.7.15 Front Row. A report from the opening night

of People, Alan Bennett’s new play.7.45 The Righteous Sisters. By Jane Purcell.8.0 Law In Action. Tensions over the issues of extradition and votes for prisoners. Last in the series.8.30 The Bottom Line. Business issues that matter.9.0 Saving Species. The Scottish wildcat and the bearded tooth fungus. (R)9.30 In Our Time. The story of the Upanishads, the ancient sacred texts of Hinduism.9.59 Weather10.0 The World Tonight. With Robin Lustig.10.45 Book At Bedtime: The Cleaner Of Chartres. By Salley Vickers.11.0 The Headset Set. Sketch show set in a call centre.11.30 Today In Parliament.

Sean Curran presents.12.0 News And Weather 12.30 Book Of The Week: On Wheels. By Michael Holroyd. (R) 12.48 Shipping Forecast

Radio 4 ExtraDigital only

6.0 Orphans In Waiting 6.30 Paperwork 7.0 Chambers 7.30 Andrew Lawrence: How Did We End Up Like This? 8.0 Parsley Sidings 8.30 Take It From Here 9.0 1834 9.30 Just A Minute 10.0 My Family And Other Animals11.0 Married Love11.15 The Unhearable12.0 Parsley Sidings12.30 Take It From Here1.0 Orphans In Waiting1.30 Paperwork 2.0 South Riding 2.15 Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen’s Men Of Fashion 2.30 Born Brilliant:

The Life Of Kenneth Williams2.45 A Kestrel For A Knave3.0 My Family And Other Animals 4.0 The 4 O’Clock Show 5.0 Mind Your Own Business 5.30 Chambers6.0 A Collection Of Bones6.15 The Matrix6.30 Weird Tales7.0 Parsley Sidings7.30 Take It From Here8.0 Orphans In Waiting8.30 Paperwork9.0 Married Love9.15 The Unhearable10.0 Comedy Club: Andrew Lawrence: How Did We End Up Like This?10.30 ElvenQuest11.0 The Million Pound Radio Show11.30 Sounding Off With McGough11.45 The Tape Recorded Highlights Of A Humble Bee12.0 A Collection Of Bones 12.15 The Matrix 12.30

Weird Tales 1.0 Orphans In Waiting 1.30 Paperwork 2.0 1834 2.30 Just A Minute 3.0 My Family And Other Animals 4.0 Married Love 4.15 The Unhearable 5.0 Mind Your Own Business 5.30 Chambers

World ServiceDigital and 198 kHz after R4

8.30 Business Daily 8.50 Sports News 9.0 News 9.06 Assignment 9.30 The Strand 9.50 Witness 10.0 World Update 11.0 World, Have Your Say 11.30 Health Check 11.50 From Our Own Correspondent 12.0 News 12.06 Outlook 12.30 The Strand 12.50 Witness 1.0 News 1.06 Assignment 1.30 Business Daily 1.50 Sports News 2.0 Newshour 3.0

More4

(FM) Book Of The Week: On Wheels. By Michael Holroyd.10.0 Woman’s Hour. Lively discussion with Jenni Murray.11.0 From Our Own Correspondent. Presented by Kate Adie. Last in the series.11.30 What’s So Great About — Beckett? Lenny Henry gets to grips with Samuel Beckett. Last in the series. (R)12.0 News12.04 You And Yours. Consumer aff airs.12.57 Weather1.0 The World At One. Presented by Edward Stourton.1.45 Foreign Bodies. Mark Lawson discusses the world of detective Harry Hole with author Jo Nesbo.2.0 The Archers. Lilian takes on a new role. (R)

6.0pm Home And Away (R) (S) (AD) Sid, Indi and Sasha prepare for Dex’s return home.6.30 5 News At 6.30 (S)

6.20pm Come Dine With Me (R) (S) Four contestants compete to win £1,000 cash.

6.0pm House (R) The team attempts to diagnose and treat an ailing mobster in time for his testimony in a court case.

7.0 Rolf’s Animal Clinic (R) (S) Neil Townsend operates on a horse that has infected sinuses. (Followed by 5 News Update.)

7.0pm Top Gear (R) (S) The hosts are each given a budget of £5,000 to fi nd a car that can hold its own on a racetrack and handle everyday tasks. Alastair Campbell tries out the Reasonably Priced Car.

7.0pm World News Today (S) (Followed by Weather.)7.30 The Sky At Night (R) (S) Patrick Moore and Chris Lintott reveal the composition of the universe.

7.30 Hugh’s 3 Good Things (S) A selection of recipes with mushrooms as the main ingredient, including ideas for salads, pastries and jacket potato fi llings.

7.0 House (R) The team tries to determine why an obese 10-year-old girl had a heart attack.

8.0 WW1’s Tunnels Of Death: The Big Dig (S) Part one of two. An archaeological team explores First World War battlefi elds near the village of Messines in Belgium. (Followed by 5 News At 9.)

8.0 Don’t Tell The Bride Goes Global (R) (S) Highlights from other countries’ versions of the show.

8.0 Shock And Awe: The Story Of Electricity (R) (S) Jim Al-Khalili explores mankind’s attempts to harness electrical forces, and examines the work and theories of scientifi c innovators.

8.0 Grand Designs (R) (S) (AD) Kevin McCloud meets a dairy farming couple, who want to build a modern house in Wiltshire, constructed from engineered timber, with a barrel-shaped roof.

8.0 Urban Secrets (R) (S) Alan Cumming tours the less-celebrated sights of Brighton, including a toy museum and a boutique specialising in unusual headgear.

9.0 Hatfi elds & McCoys (S) Three bounty hunters are lured to the area when rewards are put on the heads of Anse and his sons.

9.0 Russell Howard’s Good News (S) The comedian off ers his perspective on stories dominating the media.9.30 Some Girls (R) (S) Comedy following 16-year-old Viva as she grows up on a south London estate.

9.0 The Year The Town Hall Shrank (S) The city’s residents begin to feel the true extent of the cuts, and with the local elections looming, politicians have to face up to the consequences of their decisions.

9.0 Scandal (S) (AD) Olivia takes on the case of the son of a businesswoman who has been accused of rape.

9.0 Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (S) The actor uncovers the gossip and intrigue behind the closed doors of some of the world’s most famous rooms and suites.

11.0 Family Guy (R) (S) Stewie persuades Brian to take it slow with his new girlfriend.11.25 Family Guy (R) (S) Peter becomes so obsessed with 1963 hit single Surfi n’ Bird.11.45 American Dad! (R) (S)

11.50 Tales From The Wild Wood (R) (S) Spring arrives in Strawberry Cottage Wood, and new life emerges within the forest, as squirrels are drawn to Rob Penn’s newly-planted trees.

11.10 Embarrassing Bodies (R) (S) Dr Christian Jessen off ers on-the-spot STI checks for holiday-makers on one of the island’s beaches.

10.0 The Contractor (Josef Rusnak, 2007) (S) A former assassin is coaxed back into service for one last mission, but ends up framed for murder. So-so action thriller, starring Wesley Snipes and Charles Dance.

10.0 Wilfred (S) (AD) The duo face existential questions. Comedy, starring Elijah Wood and Jason Gann. Last in the series.10.20 Great Movie Mistakes (R) (S) 10.30 EastEnders (R) (S) (AD)

10.0 The Nazis: A Warning From History (R) (S) 10.50 Food In England: The Lost World Of Dorothy Hartley (R) (S) Historian Lucy Worsley charts the story of the writer.

10.0 My Social Network Stalker: True Stories (R) (S) Documentary following the story of Ruth Jeff ery, who was subjected to more than three years of online abuse by her boyfriend Shane Webber.

10.0 Don’t Sit In The Front Row (R) (S) 10.30 Game Change (Jay Roach, 2012) (S) Compelling drama examining the impact of Sarah Palin on John McCain’s unsuccessful presidential campaign. With Julianne Moore.

World Briefi ng 3.30 Outlook 4.0 News 4.06 Assignment 4.30 Sport Today 5.0 World Briefi ng 5.30 World Business Report 6.0 World Have Your Say 7.0 World Briefi ng 7.30 Science In Action 7.50 From Our Own Correspondent 8.0 News 8.06 Assignment 8.30 The Strand 8.50 Witness 9.0 Newshour 10.0 News 10.06 Outlook 10.30 World Business Report 11.0 World Briefi ng 11.30 Business Daily 11.50 Witness 12.0 World Briefi ng 12.30 Science In Action 12.50 Sports News 1.0 World Briefi ng 1.30 World Business Report 1.50 From Our Own Correspondent 2.0 News 2.06 Assignment 2.30 Outlook 3.0 Newsday 3.30 The Strand 3.50 Witness 4.0 Newsday 4.30 Science In Action 4.50 From Our Own Correspondent 5.0 Newsday

Full TV listings For comprehensive programme details see the Guardian Guide every Saturday or go to tvlistings.guardian.co.uk/


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Sudoku no 2,339

Hard. Fill the grid so that each row, column and

3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9. Printable

version at guardian.co.uk/sudoku

Stuck? For help call 0906 751 0036. Calls cost 77p a

minute from a BT Landline. Calls from other networks

may vary and mobiles will be considerably higher.

Service supplied by ATS. Call 0844 836 9769 for

customer service (charged at local rate, 2p a min from

a BT landline). Free tough puzzles at www.puzzler.

com/guardian

2 1 6 9 8 5 4 3 74 5 3 7 6 1 2 9 88 9 7 3 4 2 5 6 13 6 8 1 5 4 9 7 29 2 1 8 7 3 6 5 47 4 5 6 2 9 8 1 31 7 2 4 9 6 3 8 55 3 9 2 1 8 7 4 66 8 4 5 3 7 1 2 9

Solution to no 2,338

Quick crossword no 13,261

1 2 3 4 5

6

7 8 9

10 11

12

13 14 15

16

17 18 19

20

21 22

23

Across 1 Sign of rejection (6,4) 7 Minnow (7) 8 Poisonous (5)10 Harpo or Karl? (4)11 Semi-visible natural

satellite (4-4)13 Diamond-shaped

pattern for woollens (6)15 Cup with a wide mouth

(6)17 Really work extra hard

(4,1,3)18 Strength — grievance (4)21 Medium used to achieve

a result (5)22 Aromatic root with

medicinal powers (7)23 Disparagement of

something one wants but cannot attain (4,6)

Down 1 Elizabeth I, perhaps (5) 2 Hideous (4) 3 Drinks server (6) 4 With exemption from

customs tax (4-4) 5 Figure made from

candle material (7) 6 Philatelist’s book (5,5) 9 Rotating machine that

separates particles (10)12 Detergent (8)14 Nazi secret police (7)16 Oval-ball game,

colloquially (6)

Solution no 13,260

S H A N T Y T O W NT N W H E H

G A N G R E N E L E E SF E E L S RF I L O F A S H I O N

I B K IM I C R O N E S I A NE T S N

H A S H I S H E V I LN A W S A A

K I W I A L K A L I N EE K N I I K

S U G A R D A D D Y

On the web For tips and all manner of crossword debates go to guardian.co.uk/crosswords

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GUARDIANQ followed by a space, the day and

date the crossword appeared another space and

the CLUE reference to 85010 (e.g GUARDIANQ

Wednesday24 Down20). Calls cost 77p a minute

from a BT Landline. Calls from other networks

may vary and mobiles will be considerably higher.

Texts cost 50p a clue plus standard network

charges. Service supplied by ATS. Call 0844 836

9769 for customer service (charged at local rate,

2p a min from a BT landline).

19 Vessels with handle and spout (5)

20 Break — card game (4)

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