The Healing Power of Friendship by R. Murali Krishna, M.D. R. Murali Krishna, MD, DLFAPA, noted and well respected Oklahoma City psychiatrist, has recently published his first book, VIBRANT: To Heal and Be Whole - From India to Oklahoma City which he coauthored with Kelly Dyer Fry, president of news at OPUBCO. For more information visit http://www.drkrishna.com.
The Healing By R. Murali Krishna, M.D. www.drkrishna.com Power of Friendsh ip
Transcript
1. The Healing Power of Friendship By R. Murali Krishna, M.D.
www.drkrishna.com
2. Laura is a new sales representative with a growing company.
Although she doesnt have to work in an office environment and
maintains a home office instead, shes seen her work hours nearly
double in just the past few months. Her close friendship with a
college roommate has dwindled to a once a month lunch. She feels
terrible about it. But what can she do? www.drkrishna.com
3. Chad is a busy attorney with a growing practice. He finds
himself spending his days and nights meeting deadlines, preparing
for trials and engaged in lengthy telephone conferences. Over the
past year, hes had less and less time to spend with a group of
golfing buddies. Barbara was promoted to director of her department
six months ago. Shes found herself at the office at least one day
each weekend. She also brings work home, while her husband takes of
care of the evening rituals of feeding, bathing and tucking in
their two young children. Shes often at her computer monitor until
bedtime. www.drkrishna.com
4. >> It seems to be a growing conflict in many
professions (a recent survey of lawyers in Boston, for example,
found that 43 percent of new associates quit within three years
because they believed they had to choose between a career and a
family). >> Not only are families and jobs increasingly at
odds, friendships are also often falling victim to the busy
workplace our superheated economy has created. >> While the
fictional characters of the NBC hit sitcom Friends continue to
lounge on couches at a New York coffee shop, the rest of us are
finding it more difficult to fit friendship into our busy lives.
The consequences may be more than just a lack of a social life. Our
health and well-being are at stake too. www.drkrishna.com
5. Blame it on longer work hours, more insulation in the
electronic cocoons of our homes or even the wall that e-mail tends
to place between us Whatever the cause, The Wall Street Journal
recently felt compelled to ask, Whatever Happened to Friendship?
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6. >> As a culture, we may be abandoning friendship at
our own peril. >> Medical research is showing the more
healthy relationships you have, the better off you are. >>
True friendship and sound health are inextricably linked. Having
friends not only gives you more meaning and purpose, it also
lessens your stress level and may even add years to your life.
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7. In my own experience, Ive found there are three levels of
healthy relationships central to fulfilling that most basic of
human needs connection: >> Friendship with yourself >>
Friendship with a higher power >> Friendship with others
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8. In our present society, we have a lot of hi-and-goodbye
relationships. Few are able to develop long-term, nurturing and
supportive relationships. >> In the United States, a quarter
of our population moves every year. >> We pack our bags and
move somewhere else, establishing new contacts. >> We may be
better off in terms of salary and jobs and stature, but were
lacking in something else. >> We humans have a need to
connect, and that need is artificially taken away from us by modern
culture and modern technology. >> Even the bravest of our
explorers throughout history had a need to connect with other
people. Christopher Columbus wanted to discover the New World so
that he could return to the Old World to share the news.
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9. When we deprive ourselves of connection, we rob ourselves of
a key component of healthy living. You need to look no further than
the latest science for proof of this. Medical research on the
positive effects of friendship is striking: >> Researchers at
Yale University surveyed death rates among 10,000 seniors with
different degrees of social contact. They discovered a 50 percent
reduction in the risk of death over a five-year period.
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10. >> A study last year at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Lukes
Medical Center looked at the health status of 2,800 seniors.
Seniors with friends had a lower risk of disabling health problems
and recovered faster when they became ill. The more friends, the
greater the health benefits. >> Researchers studied 7,000
people in Alameda County, California over a nine-year period.
People with the most social support and connectedness had the best
health and long life. People with poor ties died two to five times
higher than people with solid social ties. www.drkrishna.com
11. More research is also turning up the dark side. Isolation
is bad for you: >> Researchers studied the impact of living
alone after a heart attack. They tracked about 1,200 heart-attack
patients for an average of two years. In this time, the patients
who lived alone, compared to those with companions, had twice the
risk of a second heart attack and twice the risk of dying. >>
Connecticut researchers tracked for six months nearly 200 men and
women over age 65 who had a major heart attack. During this time,
nearly 40 percent of the patients died. Taking into account the
usual risk factors, lack of emotional support was deadly. Compared
to those who had close friends, men and women who said they had no
emotional support were three times as apt to die.
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12. >> Emotionally-abandoned babies develop a syndrome
called failure to thrive. As a result of severe loneliness, the
babies pituitary glands fail to produce sufficient growth hormone.
These children literally wither away, despite having adequate
nutrition. Many of them die before reaching toddler hood. Those who
survive are emotionally damaged. It seems clear that maintaining
healthy ties to other people can have a significant impact on our
health. But how do we do it in todays super-fueled Information Age?
>> We should focus on having a handful of quality
relationships. >> Its also valuable to maintain a few healthy
relationships in different spheres of life. >> An obvious
friendship can be had with your spouse, another with one or two
colleagues, and another with one of your neighbors.
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13. >> Many urban professionals who want to foster
friendships often face the constant twin challenges of deadline
pressure and competition. But to experience close friendship, we
must be willing to shed some of our professional armor. >>
You should be willing to open up to this other person you call your
friend. >> It must be a mutual exchange, an interaction.
>> You must feel comfortable sharing opinions, ideas,
feelings, hopes, frustrations and dreams. >> And you should
offer feedback, advice and sometimes admonition. Sharing is one of
the most important qualities of genuine friendship.
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14. In your friendship with yourself, this process can work
through keeping a daily journal, where you share with your own
spirit and heart the issues that are most important to you.
>> In your relationship with a higher power, you can
experience a similar exchange through prayer. >> In
friendships with others, simply sharing a common activity can open
your relationship up to a deeper kind of understanding. >> It
can be something quite superficial, such as golf, tennis, fishing
or riding bicycles. >> These common bonds act as a glue that
keeps relationships together until they mature and strengthen.
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15. Henry Adams once wrote, One friend in a lifetime is much;
two are many; three are hardly possible. He may have been right.
But I tend to think we can find many meaningful friendships in our
professions, our communities and even within ourselves. Forging
friendships is a powerful tool that can shape your life and give
your daily existence more meaning. And it seems to be an almost
magical tool for improving your health. www.drkrishna.com
16. Dr. Krishna is president and chief operating officer of
INTEGRIS Mental Health, that provides adult and child/adolescent
mental health services in inpatient, residential, outpatient &
clinical settings; an employee assistance program; and crisis
intervention services. He is also co-founder and president of the
James L. Hall, Jr. Center for Mind, Body and Spirit, an educational
organization devoted to improving health through raising awareness
of the healing power of the connection between mind, body, and
spirit. www.drkrishna.com
17. Author of VIBRANT: To Heal and Be Whole - From India to
Oklahoma City, Dr. Krishna reveals the secrets to living a vibrant
life while overcoming: Anxiety Trauma Sleep dysfunction Stress
Obesity Emotional dysfunction Depression Addiction
www.drkrishna.com Substance abuse Loss Anger Unresolved issues
Relationship stress Mental illness Alcoholism
18. R. Murali Krishna, MD, DLFAPA >> Co-Founder &
President, James L. Hall, Jr Center for Mind, Body and Spirit
>> President & COO, INTEGRIS Mental Health >>
President, Oklahoma State Board of Health >> Founding
President, Health Alliance for the Uninsured >> Clinical
Professor of Psychiatry at the Univ. of OK Health Sciences Center
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