It took a while for me to get it, this Hogs on the High Seas

Rally…er…deal…er…thing. When I first got the assignment to take the cruise I didn’t like the

concept, and what’s more I didn’t want to like it. I’m a motorcycle travel journalist, damnit, and

this is just a cruise where you dress up in your biker costume and spend money with motorcy-

cle vendors. I thought the whole concept was parasitic; merely a way to make a buck from the

motorcycling world.

No motorcycles, and no riding-—just what the hell kind of rally is that? What’s the point? Why do it?Motor rallies are a gathering of machinery, right? You go to an Austin-Healy rally and see hundreds ofthose classic sports cars on the road for miles around. Same with hot rod rallies, Corvette rallies andMustang rallies. They rally there, they’ve driven to a rally point, that’s why they call them rallies.

On a Hogs on the High Seas (HOHS) “rally” you ride the ship, go to the vendor area and buythings, then at each port is a “rally” event. At Cabo San Lucas it was a special party at CaboWabo; at Mazatlan it was Señor Frog’s, or a party at the local Holiday Inn. In Puerto Vallarta HOHShosted a party at Carlos O’Brian’s. All of the parties were usual biker events—drink a lot and besomebody. In addition to the HOHS events on shore, are the myriad snorkeling, scuba-diving,golfing, and sightseeing tours offered by Royal Caribbean Cruise lines.

For the first two days I groused around the ship scowling at Easy Rider-era vests and headbands,and flabby arms dangling from black tank tops of 50- and 60-somethings. Is anything dumber than wearing black shirts in thetropic sunshine? Sure, they have a Harley logo on them so thatthe other “ralliers” can identify them as kin, but they still lookedsadly out of place on a spanking Royal Caribbean cruise ship.

Beards and tattoos onthe High Seas rally

story and photography by Beau Allen Pacheco

HOGS ON HIGH SEAS 200808 7/7/08 9:18 AM Page 46

ship was full of insufferable upper-middle-class kids with an unbearablesense of entitlement, running andhollering in the passageways.

But the High Seas cruise isn’t a rallyto which you ride your motorcycle andget to spend time with brethren—no.This is where you get to take a cruisespecifically to be with people youalready know and like. It’s a filteringsystem that eliminates people withwhom you have nothing in common.We’ve endured the same hardships, wehave the same value system, same senseof adventure, and we even look alike—I was amazed to see how many bikersthere who shave their heads and hadgoatees just like me.

This cruise is like going to a partywhere everyone is from your hometownand graduated from your high school.You may not know them, but you’vewalked the same streets and eaten at thesame burger joints. These are folks withwhom you have a history of sharedexperiences even if you didn’t do ittogether. You know where they camefrom and they know what you know.

There are all sorts of theme cruises:nudists, dentists and golfers, etc. Butthis is better. Hogs on the High Seas isorganized by bikers for bikers. And notjust any bikers. No, the natural selectionprocess here is narrow; we’re talkingHarley riders. Although it’s not evennecessary to own a bike to sign up for aHogs on The High Seas cruise, it turnsout that the vast majority of High Seascruisers are avid riders. And the cruiserswho are on this boat are all HOHSfanatics. Indeed, fully 50 percent of theHOHS guests on this cruise arereturnees, and I talked with manypeople on the ship who were signingup for another cruise.

Bringing bikers together on a cruiseship was the vision of Dean and Debbie

48 AMERICAN RIDER■AUGUST 2008

But then at dinner at precisely 8:30pm on the second night, I got it. Like anepiphany, the whole concept cametogether in my brain and this cruisemade all the sense in the world. There Iwas, in the grand dining room chattingwith my table mates when all of a sudden,I found that I was profoundly enjoyingthis meal with people I had never metbefore, but with whom I was instantly atease. I was among my biker friends.

While the non-biker passengers hadeaten their evening meal at 6:00 in theirsuits and ties and evening dresses andhigh heels (the cruises are typically halfbikers, half non-bikers), we bikers wereenjoying dinner at our leisure in jeansand T-shirts. Formal dining for us meantwearing leather instead of tuxedos.

The kicker was when I flashed back tothe ordinary cruise I had taken fourmonths earlier with my wife and in-laws.It too was on a Royal Caribbean ship,but the atmosphere was far different.While I enjoyed it, it was both stuffy andhectic. Stuffy because dinners were suit-and-tie affairs and I had nothing incommon with anyone I met; and hecticbecause it was Christmas break and the

Master of Ceremonies Roy Riley is abig reason why so many bikers returnto HOHS cruises year after year.

It wasn’t hard to tell the HOHSguests apart from the otherguests. The bikers grooved onthe decks, and on the last day ofthe cruise emcee Roy Riley(below) auctioned memorabiliaalong with Ron Segal artwork.

Hogs on the HighSeas boasts themost beards andbald heads per capitaof any cruise ship toever sail the oceans.As you can see,that’s no fish story!

No motorcycles,and no riding—just what thehell kind of rallyis that?

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the second night, I started interviewingthe ralliers about this cruise. All ofthem were fanatical about liking thecruise, and all of them used the wordscamaraderie and brotherhood a lot.But it was the conversation I had withtwo non HOHS groupies, Dusty andJoy Santee from Yakima, Washington,that was the most enlightening.

I asked them what it was like sharingthe ship with a bunch of bikers. “Fan-tastic,” said Dusty. “In fact I’m buying aHarley when I get home. I’m 60 yearsold, and this has just stirred my juices,this is fantastic. This is a wonderfulgroup of people. The bikers we’ve methere are by far the best we’ve ever meton the seven cruises we’ve taken. Eventhough we’re not part of the group, wetry and mix with them as much as pos-sible. We’ll make sure that the nextcruise we take is with HOHS even if wedon’t have a bike by then. We’ll book itonline when we get home.”

Dusty and Joy got it way quickerthan I did.

For more information visit www.hog-sonthehighseas.com. U

AMERICAN RIDER■AUGUST 2008 51

Anderson. “I had a tool franchise and Idid all the rallies dozens of times and wewere getting bored with them,” he said.“Then we were at a rally in Virginia inthe pouring rain, and we thought, wehave a lot of friends in biking and welike to spend a lot of time with them, butwe don’t like paying $250 a night for a$39 motel room, and paying high pricesfor bad food. So we thought if wecould get the price gougers out of theequation, we could travel with ourfriends to some cool places. Now, as arule, Bikers don’t go on cruise ships, sowe were going to try and give themsomething they hadn’t done before.”

That proved easier said than done,according to Anderson. “It was hard toget the cruise lines to accept us and ourconcept of taking bikers on a cruise.The first time we sent a proposal, theyanswered that due to security concerns,they couldn’t accommodate bikers ontheir ships. I answered that I thoughtthey were discriminating against bikers.Of course they didn’t want to get in anyliability hassles over minorities, so theysent our proposal to their captain ofsecurity. The cruise line said if it wasokay with him, they’d allow us on theboat. Well, their security guy was a biker,and he said bring ’em on. He got thedeal done for us.”

“At one time or another, we’ve hadevery group or gang represented onour cruises, from Hells Angels toChristian Riders, and they all getalong—as long as they don’t wear theircolors. Over the years we have provedto be Caribbean Cruise’s highest revenuegenerators of all groups with the lowestmaintenance.” Anderson grins widelywhen he says the next sentence: “Nowthey like us a lot.”

The fact that so many ralliers keepreturning, and the cruise lines like them

so much, is a result of the Anderson’smeticulous attention to detail andexcruciating work ethic. “We pre-cruiseevery event before it happens,” saysDebbie. “And I mean every cruise. Wewant to make sure the ship meets ourstandards and that the land events are inplace. Then we approach the businesseson shore that we think our guests wouldbe interested in. Now, some of them arereal receptive, but some are skepticalthat we can bring over a thousand bikersto their location. But we can, and we do.For our party places like Cabo Waboand Señor Frog’s, we’re their biggestevent of the year.”

Also, in the attention to detaildepartment, the Andersons don’t letjust any vendor participate in theircruise, and lots of them apply for it.But Dean, who is a motorhead deluxe,personally inspects each product sub-mitted by a prospective vendor. If theirproduct is a good one, then they mightbe allowed to display on a tour.

The Andersons also give back totheir ralliers in a big way. A landlockedrally of around a thousand folks ispretty small and one might expect towin a couple hundred bucks in a pokerrun or door prizes. But the Andersonsgive back a whopping $320,000 in cashand merchandise on their Caribbeancruise. It’s a little less on their smallercruises but not much, and that doesn’tcount the three Harleys they give away.One afternoon on this cruise they gaveaway $15,000 in a single bingo game.

Hogs on the High Seas has turnedinto a love affair between Dean andDebbie and their cruisers. Both ofthem are fanatical about providingwhat they promised. But it’s morethan that. This whole thing gets emo-tional because Dean and Debbie takevery seriously the responsibility of

providing their cruisers with fun. “Wehave cancer patients, we have peoplewho just had heart attacks, and theyknow this is the last fun thing they’llever do. And they choose us. Thataffects us profoundly.”

Every rally has a charity of choice,and the Anderson’s have created theHOHS Dialysis Fund, Inc. Over theyears they’ve raised over three-quartersof a million dollars for their charity.The main reason for the fund is to pro-vide a cruise for people on dialysis whowould usually not get to go. On thiscruise there are 14 people who mustundergo dialysis three times a week.HOHS has provided the machineryand a staff of four nurses and a doctorto administer the treatments.

The Anderson’s devotion to individ-ual patrons is remarkable. “You got meand Dean to drag your ass back to theship when you’re drunk as a skunk,”laughs Debbie. “We’ve never left apassenger behind, nobody’s ever hada DUI, and nobody ever got killed onour event.”

After I saw the light at dinner on

50 AMERICAN RIDER■AUGUST 2008

Lance VallerySouth of the Border, Down Mexico Way...on a Mert Lawwill Dirt Tracker

He’s one of those Jimmy Buffett characters; made a ton of money andretired down here in old Mexico.He was a motorcycle freak sincehe was a kid, and owned bikes allduring his life in Los Angeles. Andnow that he’s living large South ofthe Border, he can afford somenice toys. His Mert Lawwill dirttracker is a very nice toy indeed.

The bike is a Mert Lawwill repli-ca, made by the legendary racer ofthe same name. Only 18 of theselittle jewels were made, and Vallery

rides his regularly around Cabo San Lucas. The rest sit idly in museums orprivate collections. The only original Harley parts are the motor from theheads down and some of the controls. The fork is Buell; everything else ismanufactured by Lawwill.

When he ordered the bike, he had it delivered to him in Cabo by ForwardAir to his door step. You gotta love it. The guy is my hero.

Viva the bikeron land in a

beautiful havenof civilization.The High Seas

bikers werewelcomed

everywherewhile HOHScruisers wel-

comed some ofthe nativeambiance.

The on-board belly-flopcontest proved espe-cially popular, watchingcontestants fly throughthe air as they waitedfor the pain. Shipboardentertainment wasenjoyed at all of theHOHS parties.

The author (on the right) seems tohave found his long-lost twin; therewere lots of fellow bulletheads aboard.The camaraderie extended beyond theship as the bikers enjoyed their forayson shore. On the left, local dancersperformed at Puerto Vallarta.

Veteran bikers at their leisure outside Club Cabo Wabo.

Biker, sí, hehas a beard(and a tattoo).

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