The Holiday Season:

Ups and Downs

Kate Moore

Ups and Downs – the Story of Life

Are they more so during • Times of change?• Loss?• Celebration?

What about at Christmas?

Over the summer holidays?

What is the Holiday Season for you?

• Christ’s Birthday

• A celebration

• A time of rest and catch up

• An economic bonanza for the shops

• A time for families and friends

• A time to get away – to catch up/

What is the Holiday Season for you?

• A lonely and/or expensive time

• A time of stress

• Brings back sad memories

• What is it for you?

What is the Holiday Season for you?

• Perhaps it’s a time for helping others

• Being a volunteer / supporter

• OR

• Perhaps you need support?

Why is it like this?

• History – always been like this?

» OK Not OK

Why NOT?

Only YOU can answer this

Why is it like this?

• Circumstances changed?

» OK Not OK

Why NOT?

Control? / Challenge? / Communication ?

For you – Not OK

Having identified why NOT?

Accommodate or Change?

How? To what? Stressor

So, I don’t like the change….

What DO I want

• Change – always difficult– Requires clear goal– Communication of that goal– Appropriate implementation of the goal– Preparedness to hang in there

– Respect for self and others • In setting goals and• during the process Stressful or Challenge

The Two Faces of Stress - Not always negative (Yerkes & Dobson, 1904; Wood et al., 1998)

Constructive stress (eustress)– stress that acts in a positive way for the individual,

family and/or organisation

– Low to moderate levels of stress act in a constructive or energising way

Destructive stress (distress)– stress that acts in a dysfunctional way for the individual,

family and/or the organisation

Which will it be for you?

Cognitions, Coping & Control

• It is NOT the event but how we THINK about it that causes us the problem

• Identify your thoughts

• Challenge these

• Change them!!!!!

Costs of Bad Cognitions Depression Anxiety and Stress

• Physical factors– Increased risk of CVD

• Raised BP, CHD, stroke

– Unhealthy feelings - aches, pains, upset stomach– Restlessness, inability to concentrate, sleeplessness– Increased risk of accidents

Costs of Bad Stress (cont’d)

• Psychological factors– Tense, uptight, feelings of nervousness, irritability

– Loss of motivation

– Burnout• emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation, lowered personal

accomplishment

– Depression, anxiety

– Pre-existing psychological disorders exacerbated

– Any others?

Costs of Bad Stress (cont’d)

• Behavioural factors– Change in eating habits– Increase of risky behaviours (e.g., alcohol,

smoking, drug taking)– Increases in workplace conflict (e.g., aggression,

harassment)

Impact of Bad Stress• Physical and mental health

•anxiety/sleep/appetite/CHD/ulcers•concentration/ruminations•angry/cranky/irritable•cynicism

• Cognitions•castrophizing•black & white thinking

• Relationships•communication problems•aggression•lack of engagement

• Job/course satisfaction & performance• Absenteeism & loss of productivity• Drop out/Quit/Withdraw• and you ………………………………………..?

What am I doing about it? Identify the stressor

Decide why it is a stressor for me

Change my way of thinking about it

Ask the other person(s) to

change their approach

change the system

work with me to finish / alter the problem

Remain focused on the issue NOT the person

Ask: Is this issue worth the cost to me/others

Yes - see it as a challenge/goal not a demand or stressor

Ideas around Christmas shopping

1) plan and shop with a list

2) try making gifts/food

3) set a limit on the cost of presents and meals

4) leave your credit card at home when browsing for presents

5) pool cost of presents / meals by one person : one present and bring a plate

6) watch last minute spending

Ideas before Christmas Day

1) try to have a rest day before Christmas

2) reduce your expectations about a "perfect " Christmas day

3) organise parenting issues for the day well before so children OK

4) try and sort out relationship issues before Christmas Day

5) be flexible re changes to previous years' arrangements to suit family and friends

6) be aware of issues which might arise – try to anticipate/handle

Ideas for Christmas Day

1) share responsibility for the meal with all family not just the women

2) watch alcohol intake - sometimes regret what was said 3) do not bring up previous quarrels4) do not be too hard on yourself if everyone does not behaviour

how you hoped.5) a cold lunch may reduce the stressors of cooking - family can

come at various times6) have your meal in the evening so f&f can visit others during

the day7) try and work out some positive thing about Aunt Maud rather

than focus on the negative8) visit someone who may be lonely or ask them to a meal9) think about the real meaning of Christmas for you

In general

• Remember some things are not worth making a fuss about

• Avoid digging up the past • Christmas may not be the best time to confront or expose

problems

• Be assertive about what you want, but not aggressive

• Plan activities - make sure you feel OK about this - If you feel you have been dragged along you are more likely to be resentful

• Christmas is a time to look for the best in family and friends - Look and speak to the very best in them

Appraisal

Avoidance

Challenge

Resources

ManagingDemands

Coping

Benefits of Good Management (Good Stress)

• Improved mood• Better health• Good social networks• Improved sense of control• Knowing my priorities• Happier, more relaxed• Nicer person to be with!!• Fun!!!• Striving – having goals – and Happier Holidays

General Tips that I can do today? Confront a long-overdue job

Ask for help - offer my help

Accept support from others

Examine demands upon you - Say Yes : Say NO

Be decisive

Count the positives not the negatives

Take time out - meaningful leisure

Think positively but realistically

Eat well, relax, exercise sleep enough, smoke & drink less

Change my way of thinking - evaluate importance

Remain focused on the issue NOT the person

:)

Hug a friend

Positive approachPositive approach

- dealing with the problem

the Hardy personality?

Mastery over stress

Using stressors (not stress) to achieve

What about the 6 C’s to equal the 7th C

Control

Challenge

Commitment taking CHARGE

Cognitions

Commitment

Choice

Know your strengths

Recognize your limitations

BUT ALSO

Recognize that these are OK Utilize your strengths

I dentif y your stressors

Ask: Why are they stressful f or me?What can I do about it?Ask others f or advice?Listen to the advice?

Ask yourself why the advice is not sound?

LLLeeeaaarrrnnn fffrrrooommm pppaaasssttt eeexxxpppeeerrriiieeennnccceee (((ssseeelllfff///ooottthhheeerrrsss)))

It’s up to me!

I can change my thoughts, behaviour, actions

Communicate - with myself

- with family and others- with the organisation

Campaign to change the problemrather than complain about the problem

Choose to change not avoid

I can Well! Most of the time anyway

Let’s all take up the Challenge

Appraise what we currently do / do not do

Use our resources - AND – share

Stop Avoiding

We are responsible for ourselves(and our Christmas/Holidays)

It’s about….

Balance ……….

in your life

in your negotiations

compromise

Selfish Vs Unselfish – in self and others

Thank you for listening

Just remember – Santa relieves his stress by an

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Laughter really is good

Happy Holidays

and Good Health