The Islamic Perspective on Family and marriage

Table of Contents ABSTRACT Family in Islam Marriage in Islam The purpose of Marriage Importance of marriage from Islamic point of view Selection of spouse Consent of father to the marriage of a girl Lightness of dower Rights of husband and wife in Islam Benefits of Marriage in Islam Laws related to women in Islam Problems related to marriage and family in Islamic countries Solutions References

What is a Family?

A group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head or household. The basic unit of society traditionally consisting of two parents raising their children.

A Muslim Family A Muslim family consists of a legally married couple (husband and wife) and

their children. It also includes their parents, siblings and other relatives. A Muslim family comes into existence through two means: blood relationship and marriage.

Allah (SWT) says, “And it is He Who has made man from water: Then He has set up relationships of family and marriage: And your Lord is ever All Powerful (over all things).” [Surah Al Furqaan: 54]

Two fundamental distinctions of Muslim family the basic family unit of husband and wife (man and woman) is established

solely through marriage. Family members include blood relatives of both husband and wife, whether

they live under single roof or not.

Ingredient of a Successful Family

Allah (SWT) warns the believers regarding the possibility of disaster in family and then prescribes methods to prevent such disaster. The Qur’an says,

“O you who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: So be aware of them! But if you forgive them and overlook, and cover up (their faults), Surely Allah is Often Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Surah Taghabun: 14]

MARRIAGE: The legally or formally recognized union of a man and a woman (or, in

some jurisdictions, two people of the same sex) as partners in a relationship.

MARRIAGE IN ISLAM Marriage in Islam is viewed as an important and sacred union between a

man and woman that Fulfills half of one’s religious obligations.  A well-known passage in the Quran discusses marriage as follows:

“Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from yourselves so that you might find repose with them.  And He has placed between you affection and mercy. In that there are certainly signs for people who reflect.” Marriage in Islam is often referred to in a poetic manner describing the love

and mutual rights that exist between men and women. Islam puts a strong emphasis on mutual love and respect between a husband and wife. Men are also specifically commanded to treat their wives with kindness and respect.  The Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said: “The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best in manners and kindest to his wife.”

Cont…..

Marriage is also viewed as an act of worship to God (Allah). Islam views emotional and sexual expression between a husband and wife as a form of worship. Sexual relations are not solely for procreation but are viewed as a way for a couple to connect, strengthen their relationship, and help relieve everyday stresses.

The prophet(PBUH) has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me". Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.

It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.

Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.

The purpose of Marriage

The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another,

love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.

Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.

Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it.

For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.

Consent of both parties. Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride. Witnesses- 2 male or female. The marriage should be publicized; it should never

be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.

Importance of marriage from Islamic point of view

The holy Quran says, “And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, knowing.” (Surah an-Nur, 24:32)

Islam has also attached great importance to the question of marriage in its social system. In the holy Qur'an and the sayings of the holy Prophet and the Imams we find that marriage has been greatly encouraged. The holy Prophet has been reported to have said: "No institution of Islam is liked by Allah more than that of marriage".

Basic object of marriage

The basic object of marriage in Islam consists of: Securing comfortable atmosphere for husband and wife Producing a new generation and bringing up healthy, faithful and virtuous children.With regard to the first object the Qur'an says:"One of His signs is that He created for you spouses of your own species, so that you might find comfort with them, and He put mutual love and affection in your hearts. Surely in this there are lessons for the thinking people. "(Surah alRum, 30:21).With regard to the second object the Qur'an says:"He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth. He has given you partners from among yourselves, and (similarly made) the cattle (also) males and females. That is bow He multiplies you. Nothing can be compared to Him. He is the all bearing, the all-seeing". (Surah al Shura, 42:11).

 

 Selection of a spouse

One of the most critical questions connected with marriage and formation of a family is that of choosing the spouse. In this connection attention should be paid to the following points: Freedom in the selection of wife or husband. Equality between husband and wife, viz. each of them should be

generally suitable to marry the other. The criteria which should be kept in view to deter mine such

suitability. Persons between whom marriage is forbidden. Seeking the hand of the spouse in marriage.

Cont….

Freedom in choosing husband/wife is a principle to which Islam has paid much attention, for satisfactory conjugal life depends on intellectual, spiritual and moral compati bility between the two spouses. This compatibility can exist only if both the parties are free in their choice and choose each other of their own free will after careful study and without any coercion. Otherwise their conjugal life cannot be expected to be smooth and satisfactory.

According to the Islamic canon law the first condition of the validity of a marriage contract is that it should be proposed by the woman and accepted by the man and both of them should act freely in the matter.

Consent of father to the marriage of a girlThe teachings of Islam recommend that the daughters should marry with the consent of their fathers. Many of the Muslim jurists consider this consent to be an essential condition of the marriage of the girls.In this connection the following points may be noted: As a marriage establishes social contact between two families both the boys and the girls have been

advised to consult their parents in regard to the selection of their future wives and husbands. Such consultation means showing respect to the parents and the recognition of the trouble taken by them in bringing up their children.

The parents have been urged that while guiding their children, they should take into consideration their real requirements and the new conditions in which they will have to live. They should understand that marriage in the first instance, concerns their children and the future life of theirs and not themselves (i.e. the parents).

The jurists who consider the consent of father to be an essential condition of marriage, hold this view only in respect of the virgins. Evidently they give importance to this condition only because in their opinion the inter vention of a loving and experienced father is of great value.

Even in the case of the virgins they hold that the consent of father is essential only so long as he tries to safeguard the interests of his daughter and does not impose his own will on her even though it may be against her interests. If it is found that father is bent upon imposing his will against the interests of his daughter, it is the duty of the authorities concerned to take notice of the case and, by virtue of the powers vested in a just Muslim ruler, to take proper action to safeguard the interests of the girl.

Lightness of dower The leaders of Islam have emphatically recommended that the amount of

dower should be kept light and the other marital conditions easy. The women who demand heavy dower and are not willing to enter into a marriage contract without stipulating strident financial conditions, have even been described as inauspicious and unlucky because the moral significance of dower as a symbol of man's interest and love is far higher than its financial and material value.

Immediately on the conclusion of marriage contract whatever has been fixed as dower becomes the property of the wife. If it is a piece of land, a garden or a sum of money, its benefits accrue exclusively to her. Only with the wife's consent it can remain in the custody of the husband and the benefits accruing from it can be utilized for conducting their common life.

RIGHTS OF HUSBAND AND WIFE IN ISLAM In Islam the marriage of a man and a woman is not just a financial and

physical arrangement of living together but a sacred contract, a gift of God, to lead a happy, enjoyable life and continue the lineage. The main goal of marriage in Islam is the realization of tranquility and compassions between the spouses. For the attainment of this supreme goal, Islam defined certain duties and rights for the husband and wife.

The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, says, “The best Muslim is the one who is best to his family.” Also, he says, “… and the most blessed joy in life is a good, righteous wife.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi)

The role of the husband evolves around the moral principle that it is his solemn duty to Allah to treat his wife with kindness, honor, and patience; to keep her honorably or free her from the marital bond honorably; and to cause her no harm or grief. Allah Almighty says: “…consort with them in kindness, for if you hate them it may happen that you hate a thing wherein Allah has placed much good.” (An-Nisa’: 19)

Cont….. The role of the wife is summarized in the verse that women have

rights even as they have duties, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree over them. Allah Almighty says, “And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise.” (Al-Baqaraqh: 228)

The Wife’s Rights; The Husband’s Obligations: Because the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, have

commanded kindness to women, it is the husband’s duty to: Consort with his wife in an equitable and kind manner. Allah Almighty says, “… and consort with

them in kindness.” (An-Nisa’: 19) Have responsibility for the full maintenance of the wife, a duty which he must discharge cheerfully,

without reproach, injury, or condescendence. Allah Almighty says: “Let him who has abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him. Allah asks naught of any soul save that which He has given it. Allah will vouchsafe, after hardship, ease.” (At-Talaq: 7) 

Components of Maintenance: Maintenance entails the wife’s incontestable right to lodging, clothing, nourishing, and general care

and well-being.1-The wife’s residence must be adequate so as to provide her with the reasonable level of privacy, comfort, and independence. The welfare of the wife and the stability of the marriage should be the ultimate goal.2-What is true of the residence is true of clothing, food, and general care. The wife has the right to be clothed, fed, and cared for by the husband, in accordance with his means and her style of life. These rights are to be exercised without extravagance or miserliness.

Non-Material Rights: A husband is commanded by the law of God to:1- Treat his wife with equity.2- Respect her feelings, and to show her kindness and consideration.3- Not to show his wife any aversion or to subject her to suspense or uncertainty.4- Not to keep his wife with the intention of inflicting harm on her or hindering her freedom.5- Let her demand freedom from the marital bond, if he has no love or sympathy for her.

The Wife’s Obligations; The Husband’s Rights: The main obligation of the wife as a partner in a marital relationship is to contribute to the

success and blissfulness of the marriage as much as possible. She must be attentive to the comfort and well-being of her mate. She may neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. Perhaps nothing can illustrate the point better than the Qur’anic statement which describes the righteous people as those who pray saying: “Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the joy and the comfort of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness.” (Al-Furqan: 74)

This is the basis on which all the wife’s obligations rest and from which they flow. To fulfill this basic obligation:1- The wife must be faithful, trustworthy, and honest.2- She must not deceive her mate by deliberately avoiding conception lest it deprive him of legitimate progeny.3- She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband’s right, i.e. sexual intimacy.

Cont…4-She must not receive anyone in his home whom the husband does not like.5-She may not accept their gifts without his approval. This is probably meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion, gossip, etc., and also to maintain the integrity of all parties concerned.6- The husband’s possessions are her trust. If she has access to any portion thereof, or if she is entrusted with any fund, she must discharge her duty wisely and thriftily. She may not lend or dispose of any of his belongings without his permission.7- With respect to intimacy, the wife is to make herself desirable; to be attractive, responsive, and cooperative.8- A wife may not deny herself to her husband, for the Qur’an speaks of them as a comfort to each other. Due consideration is, of course, given to health and decency.”

Benefits of Marriage in IslamMarital love in Islam inculcates the following:

1. Faith: The love Muslim spouses have for each other is for the sake of Allah that is to gain His pleasure. It is from Allah that we claim our mutual rights (Quran 4:1) and it is to Allah that we are accountable for our behavior as husbands and wives.

2. It sustains: Love is not to consume but to sustain. Allah expresses His love for us by providing sustenance. To love in Islam is to sustain our loved one physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually, to the best of our ability (to sustain materially is the husbands duty, however if the wife wishes she can also contribute)

3. Accepts: To love someone is to accept them for who they are. It is selfishness to try and mould someone as we wish them to be. True love does not attempt to crush individuality or control personal differences, but is magnanimous and secure to accommodate differences.

4. Challenges: Love challenges us to be all we can, it encourages us to tap into our talents and takes pride in our achievements. To enable our loved one to realize their potential is the most rewarding experience.

5. Merciful: Mercy compels us to love and love compels us to have mercy. In the Islamic context the two are synonymous. The attribute Allah chose to be the supreme for Himself is that He is the most Merciful. This attribute of Rehman (the Merciful) is mentioned 170 times in the Quran, bringing home the significance for believers to be merciful. Mercy in practical application means to have and show compassion and to be charitable.

Cont….

6. Forgiving: Love is never too proud to seek forgiveness or too stingy to forgive. It is willing to let go of hurt and letdowns. Forgiveness allows us the opportunity to improve and correct ourselves.7. Respect: To love is to respect and value the person their contributions and their opinions. Respect does not allow us to take for granted our loved ones or to ignore their input. How we interact with our spouses reflects whether we respect them or not.8. Confidentiality: Trust is the most essential ingredient of love. When trust is betrayed and confidentiality compromised, love loses its soul.9. Caring: Love fosters a deep fondness that dictates caring and sharing in all that we do. The needs of our loved ones take precedence over our own.10. Kindness: The Seerah (biography) of our beloved Prophet is rich with examples of acts of kindness, he showed towards his family and particularly his wives. Even when his patience was tried, he was never unkind in word or deed. To love is to be kind.11. Grows: Marital love is not static it grows and flourishes with each day of marital life. It requires work and commitment, and is nourished through faith when we are thankful and appreciative of Allah blessings.12. Enhances: Love enhances our image and beautifies our world. It provides emotional security and physical wellbeing.13. Selflessness: Love gives unconditionally and protects dutifully.14. Truthful: Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without compromise. 

LAWS RELATED TO WOMEN IN ISLAM

According to the Quran, men and women have the same spirit, there is no superiority in the spiritual sense between men and women. [Noble Quran 4:1, 7:189, 42:11]

The Quran makes it clear that all human beings (and the phraseology doesn't apply to men or women alone, but to both) have what you might call a human.

In terms of moral, spiritual duties, acts of worship, the requirements of men and women are the same, except in some cases when women have certain concessions because of their feminine nature, or their health or the health of their babies.

In the area of economic rights "Whatever men earn, they have a share of that and whatever women earn, they have a share in that." [Noble Quran 4:32]

employment, there is no restriction in Islamic law that says a woman cannot work or have a profession that her only place is in the home. In fact, by definition, in a truly Islamic society, there must be women physicians, women nurses, women teachers, because it's preferable also to separate teenagers in the volatile years in high school education.

Cont… Financial security, when it comes to financial security, Islamic law is more tilted in many respects

towards women.These are seven examples: During the period of engagement, a woman is to be on the receiving side of gifts. At the time of marriage, it is the duty of the husband, not the bride's family. He is supposed to pay for a

marital gift. The Quran called it a gift, and it is exclusively the right of the woman. She doesn't have to spend it on the household, she doesn't have to give it to her father or anyone else.

If the woman happened to own any property prior to marriage, she retains that property after marriage. It remains under her control. Also, in most Muslim countries, the woman keeps her own last name, and her own identity.

If the woman has any earnings during her marital life, by way of investments of her property or as a result of work, she doesn't have to spend one penny of that income on the household, it is entirely hers.

The full maintenance and support of a married woman is the entire responsibility of her husband, even though she might be richer than he is. She doesn't have to spend a penny.

At the time of divorce, there are certain guarantees during the waiting period and even beyond for a woman's support.

If the widow or divorcee has children, she's entitled to child support.

Cont….

Treatment of daughter in IslamAs far as treatment of daughters is concerned, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Anyone who has two daughters, and did not bury them, did not insult them and brought them up properly, he and I will be like this," holding his two fingers close together. Another version adds, "And also did not favor his sons over daughters.“ MARITAL STANDPOINTFrom the marital standpoint, the Quran clearly indicates in Surahs 30:20 and 42:11 that marriage is not just an inevitable evil, marriage is not somebody getting married to his master or slave, but rather to his partner."Among His Signs is this that he created for you mates from among yourselves, that they may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]

Cont…. the approval and consent of the girl to marriage is a prerequisite for the validity of marriage in Islam.

She has the right to say yes or no. Husbands' and wives' duties are mutual responsibilities. They might not be identical duties, but the totality of rights and responsibilities are balanced. The Quran says:

"Women have the same rights (in relation to their husbands) as are expected in all decency from them, while men stand a step above them." [Noble Quran 2:228] DIVORCEIf a divorce becomes necessary, there are many detailed procedures in Islamic law that really knock down the common notion that divorce in Islam is very easy and that it is the sole right of man. It is not the sole right of man alone and neither is it true that all you have to say is: "I divorce you three times," and that's it. Islam also has laws regarding custody of children. Custody involves the interest of the child, and laws often favor the mother of young children. OBEDIENCE TO PARENTSProphet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "Paradise is at the feet of mothers." Once a man came to him and asked, "O, Messenger, who among mankind is worthy of my kindness and love?" The Prophet answered, "Your mother." "Who next?" "Your mother." "Who next?" "Your mother." Only after the third time he said, "And your father.

PROBLEMS RELATED TO MARRIAGE AND FAMILY IN ISLAMIC COUNTRIES

Marriage is the cornerstone of a healthy Muslim society. A happy and tranquil home provides important benefits to all of its members in personal satisfaction, health, longevity and social life. It especially has an extremely positive effect on the children in their social, physical, and psychological behavior. Children coming from a two parent home generally do very well in school with high academic achievement.

Unfortunately, we are seeing a trend of declining marital satisfaction among couples of all ages. The trend is disturbing even scary as family dysfunction rises

polygamy INTERFERENCE FROM FAMILY AND IN-LAWS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE LACK OF TRUST MISUSE OF THE CONCEPTS OF ISLAM

SOLUTIONS

The first and most important step is to recognize and educate ourselves on the issues.

Recognize that the solution lies in the hands of those involved, the couple, parents, elders and family.

The society especially Muslim community needs awareness on the real issues facing young couples, instead of following wrong traditions or culture. A lot of time, money and energy is spent on clothes, preparation, decorations, food, which are important. However, it would be best to put premarital counseling on the top of that list. We must educate ourselves and the society on the teachings of the Quran and Sunnah in marital matters.

We pray to Allah that “He protect our Muslim homes from Shaitan and any mischief or issues. That He brings happiness and tranquility in our homes. That He gives us the wisdom and courage to tackle our issues wisely with love and mercy. That He helps us make the right decision for our home, protect our spouses and children.” Amin.

THANK YOU