The Magic of Friday Nights Final

8/7/2019 The Magic of Friday Nights Final

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/the-magic-of-friday-nights-final 1/88

Page 1 - 12/2/2009 - 7:09 PM –T he Magic Of Friday NightsCopyright 2009 - All Rights Reserved

The Magic of Friday NightsThe Magic of Friday NightsThe Magic of Friday NightsThe Magic of Friday Nights A Play with Music A Play with Music A Play with Music A Play with Music

Prepared for Raymond Arts AssociatesPrepared for Raymond Arts AssociatesPrepared for Raymond Arts AssociatesPrepared for Raymond Arts AssociatesByByByBy

Jonathan N. WoodJonathan N. WoodJonathan N. WoodJonathan N. Wood

All Rights Reserved All Rights Reserved All Rights Reserved All Rights Reserved



Page 2 - 12/2/2009 - 7:09 PM –The Magic Of Friday NightsCopyright 2009 - All Rights Reserved

CharacterCharacterCharacterCharacter CommentsCommentsCommentsCommentsBarkeepBarkeepBarkeepBarkeep Straight & SingleStraight & SingleStraight & SingleStraight & Single- --- Owns theOwns theOwns theOwns the

barbarbarbar SingsSingsSingsSings 2 songs2 songs2 songs2 songs and Dancesand Dancesand Dancesand Dancesbadlybadlybadlybadly with Fairy andwith Fairy andwith Fairy andwith Fairy and waltzeswaltzeswaltzeswaltzes

with Kathywith Kathywith Kathywith KathyFairyFairyFairyFairy Straight looking & acting. ThisStraight looking & acting. ThisStraight looking & acting. ThisStraight looking & acting. This40 something40 something40 something40 something is an unemployedis an unemployedis an unemployedis an unemployedguy whoguy whoguy whoguy who will do what iswill do what iswill do what iswill do what isnecessary to put food on thenecessary to put food on thenecessary to put food on thenecessary to put food on thetable for his family.table for his family.table for his family.table for his family. Sings 2Sings 2Sings 2Sings 2songs and dances badlysongs and dances badlysongs and dances badlysongs and dances badly withwithwithwithbarkeep.barkeep.barkeep.barkeep.

TristanTristanTristanTristan Older male child, fixated onOlder male child, fixated onOlder male child, fixated onOlder male child, fixated onelectronic games.electronic games.electronic games.electronic games.

OnyaOnyaOnyaOnya Delighted to be there, but anDelighted to be there, but anDelighted to be there, but anDelighted to be there, but an“entertain me” type.“entertain me” type.“entertain me” type.“entertain me” type.

KatarinaKatarinaKatarinaKatarina Delighted to be there, but a “letDelighted to be there, but a “letDelighted to be there, but a “letDelighted to be there, but a “letme entertain you” type.me entertain you” type.me entertain you” type.me entertain you” type.

Daren or DDaren or DDaren or DDaren or Darlene Haversackarlene Haversackarlene Haversackarlene HaversackPoor Schmoo. His/Her friendPoor Schmoo. His/Her friendPoor Schmoo. His/Her friendPoor Schmoo. His/Her friendinvited him to this camping tripinvited him to this camping tripinvited him to this camping tripinvited him to this camping tripto meet the family where heto meet the family where heto meet the family where heto meet the family where hewas left in charge of all thesewas left in charge of all thesewas left in charge of all thesewas left in charge of all thesekids he doesn’t know.kids he doesn’t know.kids he doesn’t know.kids he doesn’t know. Sings aSings aSings aSings asong asong asong asong acapella.capella.capella.capella.

TrevorTrevorTrevorTrevor Wise guy type kid.Wise guy type kid.Wise guy type kid.Wise guy type kid.JamesJamesJamesJames Just another kidJust another kidJust another kidJust another kidElf Elf Elf Elf A sprightly middle A sprightly middle A sprightly middle A sprightly middle- ---ager with anager with anager with anager with an

attitudeattitudeattitudeattitudeWifeWifeWifeWife Just a voice with a hugeJust a voice with a hugeJust a voice with a hugeJust a voice with a huge

attitudeattitudeattitudeattitudeLindaLindaLindaLinda High school girl with noHigh school girl with noHigh school girl with noHigh school girl with no

patiencepatiencepatiencepatience. Dance. Dance. Dance. Dances with Tommys with Tommys with Tommys with TommySwing type.Swing type.Swing type.Swing type.

TommyTommyTommyTommy Hesitant, geeky high school boyHesitant, geeky high school boyHesitant, geeky high school boyHesitant, geeky high school boyto shy to open his mouthto shy to open his mouthto shy to open his mouthto shy to open his mouth. Singer. Singer. Singer. Singerdances with Lindadances with Lindadances with Lindadances with Linda. ...

Kathy BrownKathy BrownKathy BrownKathy Brown Woman who has been in thisWoman who has been in thisWoman who has been in thisWoman who has been in thisunfulfilling relationship far toounfulfilling relationship far toounfulfilling relationship far toounfulfilling relationship far toolong.long.long.long. SiSiSiSingerngerngernger dances withdances withdances withdances withbarkeep.barkeep.barkeep.barkeep.

PaulPaulPaulPaul Living the life of RileyLiving the life of RileyLiving the life of RileyLiving the life of Riley. Says. Says. Says. Saysonly one word..only one word..only one word..only one word..




ErnesErnesErnesErnest Childt Childt Childt Child Young child who has brought Young child who has brought Young child who has brought Young child who has broughttheir parent in as the object of their parent in as the object of their parent in as the object of their parent in as the object of show and tellshow and tellshow and tellshow and tell. ... Introduce herIntroduce herIntroduce herIntroduce herfatherfatherfatherfather. ...

I. N. ErnestI. N. ErnestI. N. ErnestI. N. Ernest Mousy male accountant type,Mousy male accountant type,Mousy male accountant type,Mousy male accountant type,

old enough to have had a kid,old enough to have had a kid,old enough to have had a kid,old enough to have had a kid,scared witless to be in front of ascared witless to be in front of ascared witless to be in front of ascared witless to be in front of aclass.class.class.class. Sings a song.Sings a song.Sings a song.Sings a song.

Obnoxious KidObnoxious KidObnoxious KidObnoxious Kid Just thatJust thatJust thatJust thatTeacherTeacherTeacherTeacher A A A A bravebravebravebrave woman, who is now awoman, who is now awoman, who is now awoman, who is now a

teachteachteachteacher, but had a past. Wearser, but had a past. Wearser, but had a past. Wearser, but had a past. Wearsa flesh tone body stockinga flesh tone body stockinga flesh tone body stockinga flesh tone body stockingcovered in tattoos withcovered in tattoos withcovered in tattoos withcovered in tattoos withappropriately place fig leaves,appropriately place fig leaves,appropriately place fig leaves,appropriately place fig leaves,under her dress and is willingunder her dress and is willingunder her dress and is willingunder her dress and is willingto dance about.to dance about.to dance about.to dance about.

BruceBruceBruceBruce A long time famous rocker, just A long time famous rocker, just A long time famous rocker, just A long time famous rocker, justback from a party after anotherback from a party after anotherback from a party after anotherback from a party after anotherperformance. Looks beat.performance. Looks beat.performance. Looks beat.performance. Looks beat. SingerSingerSingerSingerslowslowslowslow dancesdancesdancesdances with Marilynwith Marilynwith Marilynwith Marilyn

MarilMarilMarilMarilynynynyn An ex An ex An ex An ex----groupy, now girlfriend,groupy, now girlfriend,groupy, now girlfriend,groupy, now girlfriend, just back from a party with just back from a party with just back from a party with just back from a party withrocker and feeling sadrocker and feeling sadrocker and feeling sadrocker and feeling sadlylylylyneglected but understandingneglected but understandingneglected but understandingneglected but understanding. ...Slow dSlow dSlow dSlow dances with Bruceances with Bruceances with Bruceances with Bruce. ...

MailmanMailmanMailmanMailman Just a mailman/mailwomanJust a mailman/mailwomanJust a mailman/mailwomanJust a mailman/mailwoman




Act One Act One Act One Act OneScene OneScene OneScene OneScene One ---- Opening SceneOpening SceneOpening SceneOpening Scene – –– – In a BarIn a BarIn a BarIn a Bar

Curtain opens.

(There is a sign that reads “Friday Night’s Bar.”The music to Pilot’s song Magic plays. The lightscome up on a bartender standing behind his barpolishing glasses. He whistles a tune steps aroundthe end of the bar and does a little tap dance (verylittle). He goes back behind the bar.)

(In walks “the fairy,” wings, wand and all. He goesover to the bar and orders a Manhattan.)

Barkeep: Afternoon! So, what’l it be?

Fairy: Ah, give me a Manhattan.

Barkeep: (While making the drink the barkeepstarts up the conversation with) Hey,weren’t you a regular in here a whileback? Where’ve you been hiding, if that’s not too personal a question?

Fairy: I got laid off.

Barkeep: Oooh. That’s too bad. A lot of thatgoing on these days.

Say, weren’t you with that brokeragehouse down the street? I was wonderingwhy I hadn’t seen you and the guys formonths. You all used to be part of theregular crowd in here.” (Hands him hisdrink).

Fairy: Thanks. (Takes a sip.) Yeah, we all gotbaked when they closed the local officethree months ago. Now a days, stocktraders are a dime a dozen and there isno decent work to be found.”




Barkeep: If you don’t mind me asking,(exaggerated look at the fairy) … ahwhat are you doing these days? (Backto polishing the glasses).

Fairy: Temping.

Barkeep: Temping?

Fairy: Yeah. Temping. (Long pull on hisdrink). I still got a mortgage to pay,and a kid in school. Got to makemoney anyway you can.

Barkeep: (Another exaggerated look). So …what is it exactly are you temping at?

Fairy: (Another long pull on his drink till hefinishes it). (Long sigh). You wouldn’tbelieve me if I told you. (Fumbles inhis pockets for some money -- Puts itall on the bar with coins -- Pays for hisdrink -- Makes like he’s about toleave).

Barkeep: Hey, I know times are tough. You’re

the only customer I’ve had allafternoon. The next one’s on me if you’ll tell your tale. Might do us bothsome good.

Fairy: (After some thought). OK. But you’llhave to join me, ‘cause I hate to drinkalone.

Barkeep: So what’ll it be? Another Manhattan?

Fairy: Hey, if you’re buying, I think I’ll tryone of those Fru-Fru drinks. Howabout a fuzzy navel?

Barkeep: OK, but after a Manhattan, I don’tthink you’ll like it. You won’t mind if Idon’t join you. My taste runs to vodka




and tonic. (He sets up the glasses andbegins mixing).

Fairy: (Looking around the bar) Yeah, Iremember spending more than a few

nights here after work with the boys.It felt like it was ours.

Barkeep: Here you go. I wouldn’t drink it toofast. It might not mix well with theManhattan.

So what’s with the wings, pink tightsand tutu? Is that a wand? Are youdoing kids’ birthday parties orsomething?

Fairy: Don’t I wish. No, I’m a stand in for theFairy Godmother. She’s on vacation.She apparently ran off with no noticewith the Sandman too boot. She won’tbe back for at least a month or so.

Barkeep: Whoa, whoa. Back up the truck a bit.Fairy Godmother? Sandman? I’veheard some BS lines in my time, but

you’re really spreading the manurehere.

Fairy: (Pause, takes a drink). Hey, these arepretty good. (Another pull). No, I’mnot fertilizing you. I said you wouldn’tbelieve it.

Barkeep: I’m still here.

Fairy: Tell you what. You step around thebar and grab on to one of these wingsand I’ll show you.

Barkeep: (Reluctantly, walks around the end of the bar.) Nothing kinky, right?

Fairy: No, nothing kinky.




(Gets out his list and looks for a name)Let’s see … here we go.

(In a loud voice.) Daren Haversack.

Ding!

Scene goes black.




Act One Act One Act One Act OneScene TwoScene TwoScene TwoScene Two – –– – CampfireCampfireCampfireCampfire

The scene opens with kids sitting around a campfire, poking

it with sticks, and complaining.Tristan: This is so lame. No marshmallows, no cocoa. I

wish I was home IMing my friends.

Onya: Yeah. It’s too dark to play ball.

Katarina: Mr. Havesack, we’re bored. Isn’t theresomething we can do?

Daren: I … I don’t know. What’s wrong with just sitting

around the fire?

All the kids: BORING!!!

Trevor: I wish we could watch a movie.

James: Why don’t we have any marshmallows?

DingDingDingDing (The scene freezes. The Barkeep and Fairyappear.)

Barkeep: Wow! What just happened?

Fairy: This is important. Whatever you do, keep ahold on that wing. I didn’t think this wouldwork. But now that you are “herehereherehere,” youprobably don’t want to stay “herehereherehere.”

Barkeep: (Looking around) Where is “herehereherehere?” Who arethose kids?

Fairy: Beats me, but whenever I read the names fromthe list, I pop up somewhere. And this is whereI do my problem solving.

Now which one is Daren Haversack?

Barkeep: He’s probably that poor schmoo with the kids.Sure doesn’t look like a camper.




Fairy: (Looking at the adult.) Hey Daren.

Daren: (Looking up at the Fairy.) Oh, thankGod. Some other adults … ??

Fairy: So, Daren, what seems to be yourproblem?

Daren: It’s these kids. I don’t know how it

happened, but my girlfriend convincedme to come to her family’s campingtrip, and now she’s abandoned mewith their kids, while all of themdiscuss an “ADULT family matter.”

(Pause) Gee, thanks sweetie.

You know, I’ve been a happy bachelorfor twenty years now and knownothing about entertaining kids.

I think this is some kind of a test.

Fairy: Test or not, kids aren’t all that hard toplease. All they need is a littleattention.






Straight down to La dee da dee da dee da da Hey.

Come on everyone:

Straight down to La dee da dee da dee da da Hey.

It’s easy, because I sing a verse andyou sing the same verse back at me.Here we go …

(Sing song as “Call and Rseponse.” Let the kidsham it up and act out the song.)

There was a man By the name of Billy Hall He had a goat

And that was all.

One day this goat,Was feeling fine.

Ate three red shirts,Right off the line.

First Billy cussed, And then he swore.

That this old goat,Would live no more.

He grabbed him by,His wooly back,

And tied him to,The railroad track.

The fast express,Was drawing nigh,

And this poor goat,Was sure to die.

He gave three shrieks,Of mortal pain,Coughed up those shirts,

And flagged the train.




The engineer stopped Got out to see What this strange sight On the tracks could be.

And when he saw,It was a goat.He drew his knife

And slit its throat.

Now this poor goat,Was surly dead.He went to heaven,Without his head.

When he got there,St. Peter said,Pray tell poor goat,Where is your head?

The goat replied,I can not tell It must have gone Straight down to La dee da dee da dee

da da Hey.

Fade to black.




Act One Act One Act One Act OneScene ThreeScene ThreeScene ThreeScene Three – –– – Back at the BarBack at the BarBack at the BarBack at the Bar

Barkeep: That’s it?Fairy: What do you mean, “That’s

it?” … That’s it.

But now, you actually believeme.

Barkeep: Well, I normally don’t drink.I think the buzz must havemade me more gullible. Still,

you’ve got to admit, it ISpretty neat.

OK, so how did you get this gig?

Fairy: OK. It started with the layoff. Twentyof us got riffed (rif = Reduction inForce. Alternatively – baked.) thesame day. They told us we could allcome back and use the phones,secretaries and copiers for the nextmonth to get our resumes in order andfind some work. Two days later, theyshut down the office, lock the doors,and we are all on the streetscrambling, with not even so much asa “thank you very much.”

You must have remembered that day.We were all in here at 10:00 AM.Networking is what they call it.

Barkeep: Well, you must have made enoughdough when things were good.

Fairy: We made good money there, but it waspretty cutthroat. Everyone wascompeting with each other forcustomers, bonuses and the boss’s




attention. So now that we are out onthe street; none of us could trust anyother of us. Everybody kept their jobopportunity information tothemselves. By the time lunch rolled

around, we had all left.

There were no real friends among us.

Barkeep: Was finding a job that hard?

Fairy: I went home, pounded out a resume,bragging about how good I was andthat my specialties werecommunications and problem solving.I posted it to all the major job boardson the web. That first day alone, Imust have applied to over a hundred

jobs.

Three days later … not so much as apeep back.

It used to be you’d mail out your resume on fancypaper, and when a company receivedyour resume, they would send you a

nice form letter thanking you for yourinterest and that they would keepyour resume on file.

Nowadays, you can post your resume against fifty jobs in an instant. The trouble is thecompany recruiters can just asinstantly flush your resume toelectronic oblivion if something on itmakes them wrinkle their nose.

“Oh, he worked for so and so … flush.He only has ten years of experience,we want twelve … flush. Oh no, he hasten years of experience … we onlyneed five, he probably costs too much… flush.




Barkeep: Experience must count for something?

Fairy: (Long pull on the drink and hefinishes it). The trouble is you neverget to fill in the blanks for them. I may

have only ten years of type A experience, but fifteen years of type Bexperience.

You can’t even use the old pitch, “I’llwork for free for the first month.”

I was getting depressed. That’s when Idecided to look at the smaller job sitesand google for temp agencies.

It gets so you spend about twominutes scanning job requirements fora posting and then you send off yourresume, hoping one will stick. Iremember applying to two hundredand fifty jobs in one day. All I got backwas two automated “we received yoursubmission. Thank you for yourinterest.”

Barkeep: So, how’d you hit on this … Fairything?

Fairy: One morning I sent off my resumeto some obscure site and almostinstantly I got a response back.

The Elf: (A tight light comes up. Sitting ather desk on the far side of thestage where is dark except for aspot lit elf. Both the bar roomscene and elf are visible.)

We see from your resume that youare a risk taking, problem solver,able to facilitate interpersonalcommunications, able to workindependently and preferring




temporary postings. Would you beavailable at 3:15 PM, Wednesdayafternoon for a two-hour interview andwand training.

(Light on elf goes out.)

Fairy: I almost fell out of my chair. I was soexcited that someone wanted tointerview me that I ran down to tellmy wife that I had finally gotten aninterview.

Barkeep: Your wife must have been happyabout that.

Fairy: You just know she had to burst mybubble with questions about thedetails. She was all …

Wife: (A tight light comes up. The wife isstanding there are folded across herchest looking annoyed.)What kind of job is it? How much doesit pay? What is the company’s name?

(Light goes out.)

Fairy: I had been so excited … I didn’t know.I was just so overjoyed to get apositive response, that none of thosedetails had crossed my mind.

So while trudging back upstairs, mywife hit me with one more nugget of her insight,

Wife: (Simply a recorded voice, full of sarcasm and annoyance.)

Ah, Today IS Wednesday and it’salready 11:00 AM. Where is this jobinterview taking place and when areyou going to get dressed? Or are you




going to the interview in yourpajamas?”

Fairy: Back at my computer, I reread theirresponse. No company logo, no name

to respond to, no date on the email,basically no identification at all. Theiremail address was

[email protected] .

I googled metaphysical temps, but theonly thing that came up was some sitethat was written in gibberish.

Barkeep: So what did you do?

Fairy: I replied. Sure, I’d be happy tointerview. Where? Did they meanWednesday as in today, or next week?How should I come prepared? Howabout some detail on the job?

Barkeep: You answered it like that?

Fairy: No, I was polite and professional. So Isent it off.

As I sat there thinking about it, I wasamazed at how fast they had scannedmy resume and responded. It was liketime had stood still. I mean even theautomated responses from company

job site take three or four minutes. SoI kind of expected an equally quickresponse to my questions.

Barkeep: Not as fast, huh?

Fairy: After five minutes, nothing. Tenminutes, nothing. I went down andmade the family and myself somelunch. I checked again. Nothing.




At this point, I figured someone waspulling my chain, and got back to my

job search.

You know all this talking is giving me

a powerful thirst. (Rattles his glass onthe bar).

Barkeep: What, you want another one?

Fairy: No, this time I think I’ll have a Cosmo,if you don’t mind.

Barkeep: (Starts mixing the drink). All right,cut to the chase, what happened?

Fairy: You in a hurry or something? (Lookingaround the bar.)

Remember you asked for the story andI did say it was a long one.

Barkeep: (Gives him a look and pours thedrink).

Fairy: OK, I’ll shorten it up a bit and leave

out the arguments with the wife. At 3:15 I’m sitting at my computer,still in my pajamas, when the roombegins to flicker and then I wassomewhere else.

(The light comes up on an elf sitting ata high desk diligently working onpaperwork.)I found myself in a strange room witha stool and a high desk with a persondressed like an elf, pointy ears and all,standing behind it scribbling on somepapers.

Without looking up, he … she … it …whatever, says,




Elf: “You’re here for the temp job, right?”

Fairy: (Fairy crosses to mid point of stageand looks at Elf.) Could you tell me

what the job is, and possibly how Ihad got here? Please?

Elf: Well, don’t that beat all. A human, …in his jammies, … and one withoutany magic in him to boot. I told themit was a mistake to advertise on theInternet, but noooo, we’ll get a wider range of applicants, ones who think outside of the box.”

Fairy: (Turning half to the audience and half to thebarkeep) Apparently, they had been runningthe ad for three weeks and I was the only onewho had responded, … and that was byaccident.

Barkeep: So what did you say to … her? Real pointyears? Like a Vulcan?

Fairy: Vulcan? Now who’s living in a fantasy?

Yes! Very pointy ears with little tufts of hair atthe ends.

I told her I was sorry. Apologized for thepajamas. Didn’t know what I had signed upfor. And if she would be kind enough to returnme, I promised I’d never tell a soul about it.

Barkeep: I take it, she had other ideas?

Fairy: Yeah, … (Turns back to Elf)

Elf: The job is filling in for the Fairy Godmother.She just up and left in a puff of smoke, saidshe’d be back in a month or so.

Fairy: That’s all well and good, but I don’t know




anything about Fairy Godmothering. Ididn’t believe they really existed.

Elf: Oh they exist all right, damned primadonnas. … And you know she’ll have a

hissy fit if there is any backlog whenshe returns.

So that’s why we need you. I don’t careif you don’t believe in Magic. Whenyou responded to the email, youagreed to the terms of the job and nowyou have to got do it.”

Fairy: Whoa! Back up the truck. All I agreedto was an interview.

Elf: “Didn’t you read the fine print at thebottom of the email”?

Fairy: You mean the border design? It wasgibberish.

Elf: It’s HIGH ELVISH I’ll have you know.That happens to be our standardcontract.

(Annoyed) Of course it’s written inelvish. We’re elves!

(With a smirk.) And it’s binding youknow.

When you returned the email youagreed to take the position. Elvesknow how to wiggle. That’s whythere’s no wiggle room in thatcontract.

I added that binding spell myself,yesterday. Since we hadn’t receivedresponses in the past two weeks, Ifigured if anyone took the bait, I’dhave to make sure they stayed hooked.




Fairy: They were the only ones who couldrescind the offer and she wasn’t aboutto, because I was the only one who hadapplied.

Barkeep: Then what happened?

Fairy: She handed me the list, this … pink …outfit and the wand, and said.

Elf: Get to it.

Fairy: Get to what?”

Elf: All you do is this, read the next nameon the list and wave your wand. Speakwith the person you see in front of you.Find out their problem and wave thewand. … What could be simpler?

(Sternly) Don’t wave the wand atanyone not on the list.Don’t get distracted.Don’t point the wand at anyone youdon’t want affected.

(Diffidently) This contract will last atleast 2 months. Three tops.

Fairy: Yeah, and I suppose you don’t wantme telling anyone I’m standing in forthe Fairy Godmother, either?

Elf: (Sarcastically) Go ahead! Tell theworld!

You’re a human. Nobody’s going tobelieve you. And, if you try to convincethem, they’ll haul you off to the funnyfarm as just another crazy.”

Fairy: One final question. If you are an Elf,why aren’t you tall, wearing shinyclothes and carrying a sword?




Elf: Look buster, that’s Fantasy.Completely made up, in some warpedhuman’shuman’shuman’shuman’s mind.

We are Fairy Tales, and all Fairy

Tales are rooted in the truth. … Well,to some extent anyway.

Fairy: Then it was poof, I’m sitting in front of my computer at home.

I would have thought it was some sortof hallucination, if it weren’t for thetutu, the wings, wand and this list.

Barkeep: So what did your wife say?

Fairy: You kidding me? She doesn’t know.

The pay is good. I have auto-deposit. Itold her I have this Internet basedsearch job and can’t be disturbed whileworking. That way I can lock the doorand she can’t see me with wings. Thereally neat thing about it is it takes notime. I go do a job and return in the

same instant.Barkeep: That must be handy. So how many

jobs to you do in a day?

Fairy: Fricken thousands! At the end of a dayI’m wiped, and the list keeps gettinglonger.

Now I know why the Fairy Godmothertook a leave of absence, she was overworked. All those needy people.

Barkeep: So other than a really odd job, thatyou actually have to WORK at, I don’tsee why you are depressed.



Page 23 - 12/2/2009 - 7:09 PM –Th e Magic Of Friday NightsCopyright 2009 - All Rights Reserved

Fairy: I think something is wrong with thewand, or the maybe the way I use it.

Whenever I wave it, to solve aproblem, the people break into song

and dance --like in some old movie.

Barkeep: Can I take a look at your wand?

Fairy: Is it worth another drink?

Barkeep: (Sigh). Sure. What’ll it be?

Fairy: How about a Mai Tai? No, no, a BraveBull.

Barkeep: (Starts building the drink). There’ssome heavy liquor in this drink. Youbetter sip it or you’ll wind up on yourtutu. In the meantime, here, drink aglass of water.

Fairy: (Downs the water in a gulp). Bettergive me another.

Barkeep: Jeez, you were thirsty! (Hands him the

water and a Brave Bull)..Fairy: It’s this whole stopping time thing.

Time stops, but I don’t. I figure I’maging at a rate of two days an hour atthis job.

Barkeep: Do you mind if I take a look at yourwand?

Fairy: Here you go. (As he hands him thewand). Now be careful. This thing ispretty sensitive. I showed up in acrowded cafeteria once and all I didwas just a 360 to see where I was – itset off a half a hundred people dancingand singing Gloria Estefan’s “Conga.”

You know the one that goes:




Come on, shake your body baby, do the conga.I know you can’t control yourself any longer.Come on, shake your body baby, do the conga.I know you can’t control yourself any longer.

Barkeep: (Looking first at the Fairy, then at thewand closely). It looks like is a tinwhistle with star duct taped to it, andthe glitter coming off.

Fairy: Yeah, I know. I put the glitter on itmyself.

Barkeep: (Just looks at the Fairy).

Fairy: Well I know it’s not much to look at.Believe me, I think the glitter helps… a little.

Barkeep: (As he walks around the side of thebar and turns towards the Fairy hestumbles a bit, bobbles the wand).

Fairy: (Queue up Cat Stevens “If You WantTo Sing Out, Sing Out.” Fairy rolls his

eyes and smacks his forehead.) Oh no… (and sings with a soft shoe shuffle.)

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out; And if you want to be free, be free; ‘Cause there’s a million things to be.You know that there are.

(Barkeep looks at the business end of the wand.)

And if you want to live high, live high; And if you want to live low, live low; ‘Cause there’s a million ways to go.You know that there are.DINGDINGDINGDING(With the Barkeep)You can do what you want; The opportunities on;




And if you can find a new way; (Barkeep puts hishand on Fairy’s shoulder.) You can do it today.You can make it all true;

And you can make it undo;

You see ah ah ah; Its easy ah ah ah; You only need to know.

Fairy: (Grabbing the wand away from theBarkeep). Don’t do that again.

Barkeep: I think it’s defective.

Fairy: I think it’s the wrong wand. But itdoes seem to get the job done.

Barkeep: So … can we do another job?

Fairy: I don’t know. I think we just mighthave been lucky the first time.

Hey, what the heck. You certainlyaren’t busy, and I could use thecompany. Hold on.

Barkeep: (Holds on to the Fairy’s wing). Ready.Fairy: Ahhh … remember, just as a

precaution, if we get there, don’t let goof the wing. It’s not so much wherewe’re going as when. Sometimes, itdoesn’t look like “now” where I’vebeen. I guess if you can stop time withmagic, you might be able to goforwards and backwards too.

OK, You ready?

Barkeep: I’ve been ready.

Fairy: (Pulling out the list, reads down).Linda and Tommy …

DING




The lights go out, scene changes.




Act One Act One Act One Act OneScene FourScene FourScene FourScene Four – –– – Some Kind of wonderfulSome Kind of wonderfulSome Kind of wonderfulSome Kind of wonderful

Scene opens with a girl and a boy, dressed from the

fifties. Girl is walking across anddown stage, her books held to herchest, looking frustrated. Boy isfollowing five steps behind, lookinglike a kicked puppy. Girl turns back toglare at the boy.

Linda: Unhhh!! (She turns away.)

DINGDINGDINGDING (Time freezes; Fairy and Barkeepappear.)

Barkeep: You know, I guess I’m expectingswirling lights, and strange sounds …something more exciting than Dingand I’m someplace else.

Fairy: Remember keep a hold on that wing.I’m still not sure why this works.

Let’s see the list said Tommy andLinda. But it didn’t say which one. Iwonder which one has the problem?

(Shrugs shoulders.) Here goes …

(To the girl) Linda, what’s seems to bethe problem?

Linda: Who are you?

Fairy: I’m your Fairy Godmother and I’ve

come to help you.Linda: You’re MY Fairy Godmother?

Fairy: (He looks away from her and shefreezes.) I guess it isn’t her problem.Generally, the one with the problem




immediately unloads and I can get onwith the wand waving.

(Turning to the boy) Tommy, what’syour problem, kid?

Tommy: Who’s he?

Fairy: A friend.

Tommy: A friend of mine? I’ve never seen himbefore.

Fairy: And you’ve seen me before?

Tommy: Sure, you’re my Fairy Godmother.

Fairy: (To the barkeep, when he turns awayTommy freezes) Ain’t Magic great. Thekid knows ‘zackly who I am, and thatI’m here to help him.

(He turns back to Tommy)

Tommy: Let’s see, you’re here to grant methree wishes, right?

Fairy: No. I’m here to solve your problem.Maybe the one you’re having withLinda?

Tommy: No, I’ve been thinking about thesethree wishes for a long time, just incase something like this was tohappen. Now you’re here, I want mythree wishes.

Fairy: Kid. Listen to me. I’m a FairyGodmother and I fix problems, notgrant wishes.

Barkeep: Real smooth.

Tommy: Not even one wish?




Fairy: Look, Billy …

Barkeep: It’s Tommy.

Fairy: Look Tommy, if your one wish hasanything to do with Linda over here, Imight grant it, but if it has anythingto do with becoming an astronaut theanswer is no.

Tommy: (Disappointed) Well, she wasn’t myfirst wish.

Fairy: Tell me about Linda.

Tommy: I don’t know. I want to talk to her,hold her hand, just be with her. Butevery time I get near her I get alltongue tied and embarrassed.

Besides she thinks I’m stupid.

I was going to ask her to the dancethis Friday Night, so I wrote it on anote and just handed it to her. She

read it and laughed. Said that if Icouldn’t talk I probably couldn’t danceeither.

Fairy: Then what happened?

Tommy: Nothing. I couldn’t speak. She justscares the heck out of me and yet … Iwant to be with her.

She probably hates me.

Fairy: Well Tommy that’s not how it works.If I show up and wave my wand, yourproblems will be solved.

Barkeep: Laying it on a bit thick aren’t you?




Fairy: Quiet. (He holds the wand up high andgives it a flick.)

Ding (The kids no longer notice the Fairyand Barkeep. The music comes up.

The boy is looking at the girl. The girlis looking back at the boy and her looksoftens.)

Tommy: (Singing to the girl) All you have to do is touch my hand To show me you understand

And something happens to me That's some kind of wonderful (He reaches out his hand to her and she to him.)

At any time my little world seems blue I just have to look at you

And everything seems to be Some kind of wonderful (They begin to dance.)I know I can't express This feeling of tenderness There's so much I wanna say But the right words just don't come my way I just know when I'm in your embrace (He embraces her from behind) This world is a happy place

And something happens to me There's some kind of wonderful

(They walk off stage together. Fade to black.)

Scene goes black.




Act One Act One Act One Act OneScene FiveScene FiveScene FiveScene Five – –– – Back in the BarBack in the BarBack in the BarBack in the Bar

The Fairy and Barkeep are back in the bar. Clock

on the wall is set to the same timethey left. (I’m thinking the clock iselectric and we switch it off betweenscenes.) The Barkeep is still holdingon to the Fairy’s wing.

Barkeep: Wow! What a rush! That wasamazing! Did you see the way she justlit up when he started singing, andwhere did they learn to dance likethat. They were fantastic!

Fairy: Yeah, I know. I am pretty good at this…

Barkeep: Ah, ya. I think you need to look atwhat’s in front of you before you startyour, “I’m your Fairy Godmother,”schpeal.

Now if it were me doing the wandwaving, I’d start with the one withoutthe attitude.

Fairy: Doesn’t work that way. Maybe it’sbecause I’m not magical. I can nevertell who needs the fix.

Guaranteed, the next one will bedifferent. Lets see, who’s next on thelist.

Barkeep: Can I go again?Fairy: Hey, this ain’t no carnival ride, this is

serious magic.

Barkeep: And if you’re eyes aren’t brown, it’sbecause you’re a quart low.




Fairy: Oh, all right. But no more interferingor snide remarks.

Barkeep: 10-4 (He makes a zipping across themouth gesture.)

Fairy: (Pulls out the list and begins to read)Kathy and Paul …

Go to black




Act One Act One Act One Act OneScene SixScene SixScene SixScene Six ---- Too LateToo LateToo LateToo Late

Scene opens. Lights come up. A man tiptoes across

the room and slips into bed. Clock onthe wall says 2:00 AM. He lays downwith a big grin on his face. The womanin bed then sits up and wraps her armsaround her legs and after a while sadlyrests her head on her knees.

Kathy: I don’t believe you spent the last(Glances at the clock.) seventeen hoursat the 19 th hole!

You knew I was making Beef Wellington for you!

You’re unbelievable …

Paul: What?

DINGDINGDINGDING: (Fairy and Barkeep appear, timefreezes.

Barkeep: Oooh, she looks cute! I wonder what’sshe’s doing later?

Fairy: Keep it to yourself, We’re supposed tosolve people’s problems, not createnew ones.

Barkeep: Whadaya mean?

Fairy: No hitting on the clientele, that’s whatI mean.

Barkeep: What fun are you …

Fairy: OK, so which one has the problem?

Barkeep: I think it’s her. He looks too happy,like he just got …






Fairy: Creative? I don’t know about that. Idon’t know if I can have any effect onthe situation.

Barkeep: Well, try this. When you wave thewand, think this. He’s a bum and shecan do much better. Much, muchbetter.

Ah, and if you can squeeze it in, makeher think she needs a drink at FridayNights.

Fairy: I agree with the first part, but the restof it is beyond my job scope.

And I doubt the Fairy Godmotherpimps for her friends. There must be aCode of Ethics somewhere in Fairytaleland.

Barkeep: It was worth a shot …

Fairy: (Raises his wand and mumbles tohimself.) He’s a bum, you can do

better. He’s a bum and you can dobetter. He’s a bum … (waves wand)

DINGDINGDINGDING Music comes up, Fairy and Barkeepfade but don’t disappear.

Kathy: (Sings "It’s to Late" by Carol King, while getting up anddressed.

Staying in bed all morning just to pass the time There's something wrong here, there can be no denying One of us is changing, or maybe we've just stopped trying

And it's too late, baby, now it's too late Though we really did try to make it Something inside has died and I can't hide

And I just can't fake it




It used to be so easy living here with you You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do Now you look so unhappy, and I feel like a fool

And it's too late, baby, now it's too late Though we really did try to make it Something inside has died and I can't hide

And I just can't fake it

[Musical Bridge where she get dressed behind a screen.Guy in bed looks perplexed, maybe says “but … but …”]

There'll be good times again for me and you But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it too Still I'm glad for what we had, and how I once loved you

But it's too late, baby, it's too late Though we really did try to make it Something inside has died and I can't hide

At the song’s end she walks though a door and slams it.

Barkeep: Hey, wait! (He let’s go of the Fairy’swing.)

Curtain




Act One Act One Act One Act OneScene SevenScene SevenScene SevenScene Seven – –– – Back in the BarBack in the BarBack in the BarBack in the Bar

Barkeep: Hey that worked really well! Don’t ya

think?(To the air.) Hey Fairy! … Where’dyou go?

I guess I should have held on …

(Mailman walks in and up to the bar.)

Barkeep: I don’t suppose you are here to buy adrink?

Mailman: (Cheerily.) Nope. Just deliveringanother load of bad news gift wrappedin junk mail.

(Flipping bill after bill on to the bar.)Gees, you sure do have your sharehere.

Barkeep: It’s tough all over. It’s getting sotough, no one can afford the gas todrive themselves to drink.




Mailman: Hey, that’s a good one! See youtomorrow.

Barkeep: Hopefully, tomorrows delivery willinclude bunch of customers. How ‘bout

you bring down all the guys from thepost office.

Happy hour starts at 4:00 PM?

Mailman: (Waves as he leaves.)

Barkeep: (Smacks himself in the forehead.)Gees, I’m getting desperate. Pushingthe mailman to bring in customers.

(Flips through the bills, shouldersdroop, shakes his head. Takes a longlook around the empty bar and thenback at the pile of bills.)

I wonder where that Fairy got to?

(Lights go down. Curtain Closes. Endof Act one.)




Act Two Act Two Act Two Act TwoScene OneScene OneScene OneScene One – –– – With the Elf With the Elf With the Elf With the Elf

Curtain opens.

Fairy: (Standing in front of the Elf at herdesk looking contrite.)

Elf: So are you making any progress on thelist?

Fairy: Yes … sir?

Elf: Cut the military crap. Let me see yourlist.

Fairy: (Hands the list over.) You mean youdon’t have some sort of trackingsystem?

Elf: Yeah, it’s called THE LIST.

Fairy: And there’s only one … list?

Elf: You have a problem with that?

Fairy: Well … no. I mean what happens if Ilose it? Or spill a beer on it? Or itburns up or something?

Elf: Look … human … that’s not howmagic works. There is only one FairyGodmother, so there only needs to beone Fairy Godmother’s list.

Now lets see … Hey, you seem to be

making good progress. No jumpingaround, problems getting solved …

OK, you can keep the job.

Fairy: There was some doubt?






Fairy: Multiplier? Sound like you want metemping for the rest of my life. Whatabout benefits?

Elf: Benefits? What do you need benefits

for?

Fairy: Hello? I’m a human. We get sick fromtime to time.

Elf: Have you had so much as a snifflewhile you’ve had this job? An ache or apain? Comes with the magical field.No extra charge.

Fairy: Yeah, but what about my wife andfamily? I need the benefits to coverthem too.

Elf: Oh, all right, as long as you areemployed with us you’ll get an extrastipend to match health costs.

And you know, at the rate healthinsurance is rising that will wind upcosting us more than your working

rate.Fairy: What about COBRA when the contract

ends?

Elf: OK, you get Cobra. Now get out of here.

(Scene goes dark.)




Act Two Act Two Act Two Act TwoScene TwoScene TwoScene TwoScene Two – –– – Back at the BarBack at the BarBack at the BarBack at the Bar

(Back in the bar, bill still on the bar,

Barkeep looking down at the pile. Inwalks the Fairy.)

Barkeep: Hey, where’ve you been?

Fairy: The elf called me in for a little chat.

Barkeep: You still have your job … don’t you? Ihope I didn’t screw things up for you.

Fairy: No, nothing like that. Apparently the

real Fairy Godmother’s went and gotherself in the family way and they’veextended my contract, with benefits.

Barkeep: Sounds like you lucked out.

Fairy: Hey, (pointing towards the pile of bills) it looks like the eagle has landed.

Barkeep: More like the Honey Truck hasdumped its load. Those are bills.

Can’t you wave your wand and bringme some customers?

Fairy: I don’t know. As near as I can tellyou’re not on the list.

Barkeep: It was worth a shot.

Hey, that last adventure was fun and

what a cutie. I sure wouldn’t mind herwalking in here.

“Of all the gin joins, in all the world,she had to walk into mine …” Ohhappy days!




Fairy: You may have enjoyed that last one,but showing up in front of the Elf surehad me nervous. I thought she wasgoing fire me for trying to influencethe outcome.

The Elf didn’t say I should be involved. All she saidwas “Wave the Wand and Solve theProblem.” That was intervention. I’mnot trained for that.

Barkeep: Well she didn’t tell you not to, … andshe said she hired you because youwere a “Problem Solver.”

Besides, that was a pretty slick out,and that girl has a good set of pipes,not to mention stems …

Fairy: If you’re going to be hitting on thewomen, I’m not taking you anymore.

Barkeep: Oh, quit whining. Want anotherdrink?

Fairy: Sure. How about a Cable Car?

Barkeep: Trying to test my skills? I’m known formy Cable Cars!

Fairy: Well, quit braggin’ and start shakin’.

Barkeep: (Makes up the drink and startsshaking it)

Fairy: (The Fairy scrutinizes the wand.) Itreally is a tin flute with nothing but astar duct tapped to the end. I wonderwhat happens when you play the flute…

(Bringing the flute end to his lips, heblows a few notes. All of a sudden ratsappear around his feet. The Barkeep




lunges and pushes the flute/wandaway from him. The rats scatter.)

Barkeep: HEY …

Didn’t you see all those rats?

Fairy: What rats?

Barkeep: You blew on the flute and all theserats showed up.

Fairy: Well, don’t that beat all … your bar israt infested. No wonder you don’t haveany customers.

Barkeep: No it’s not!!! But it will be if you playthat damned flute again.

I think they just cobbled up somethingmagical that looked like a wand. Whatthey must have used was the PiedPiper’s flute or something.

Fairy: How’d you figure …

Barkeep: Think about it. The Pied Piper blowshis flute and all the rats follow himout of town. You blew the flute and therats started showing up in my bar.

That also may explain why all thosepeople break into song and dancewhen you wave the wand at them.

Fairy: I still don’t get it.

Barkeep: And dressed like that, you never will…

Fairy: Cheap shot. So, why do they sing anddance.




Barkeep: If I’m remembering right, when thetown’s folks didn’t pay the Pied Piperhis rat catcher fee, he got all thechildren in the town singing anddancing, and then led them out of

town, away from their parents.

Fairy: What happened then?

Barkeep: I don’t remember. Probably held themfor ransom or something …

Fairy: So … how does that explain theintervention part?

Barkeep: Hey, there’s got to be some Free Willin the system somewhere.

Who’s next on your list?

Fairy: Some body they refer to as Ian Ernest.Pretty stuffy sounding name don’t yathink? Oooh, one last sip before we go.

(Reaches for his drink.)

Grab on …(Curtain)




Act Two Act Two Act Two Act TwoScene ThreeScene ThreeScene ThreeScene Three - --- Show and Tell SceneShow and Tell SceneShow and Tell SceneShow and Tell Scene

The scene opens in an elementary

school room with a desk, a teacherbehind the desk, a chalkboard and anervous father in a suit. The premiseis that he has been brought in for“Show and Tell.” He is an accountant.

(His child, smallest of the bunch,introduces him to the class. Somethinglike “This is my father, Ian Ernest andhe’s an accountant.”)

Father: (Clears his throat) Hello children. Yes,I am an accountant. What I do is keepthe books for the hardware store downthe street.

Katarina: What do you really do?

Father: Well … (Clears his throat) … I … ah… make sure that when we get checksthey are properly recorded in the

ledgers and I pay the bill as they comedue. I … er … send out bills at the endof the month …

Kid: (Interrupting the father) Gee, thatsounds boring.




Father: Well, actually … it is quite interesting… I have to use math to total upcolumns of figures and write reports atthe end of the month and …

Kid: Yeah, really boring.

Teacher: Now class, Mr Ernest was nice enoughto come to our class today and let youknow a little bit about what it is liketo have to work when you grow up andfinish school.

Kid: Still sounds boring. (The class giggles.)

Teacher: That’s enough Johnny. Now Mr.Ernest, could you tell the class a littlebit about your self?

Father: (Said with that deer in the headlightslook.) Ah … what did you have inmind …

Teacher: How about something from yourchildhood. What were your interestsas a young man?

Father: (Totally at a loss for words, fearfullylooking around the room for escape.)

DINGDINGDINGDING: (Time stands still. The Fairy andbarkeep show up.)

Barkeep: Oh no. Kids again.

Fairy: What’s wrong with kids?

Barkeep: Well, they’re not allowed in bars forone thing.

Fairy: Look around you. We’re in aschoolroom, for crying out loud. Kidsare supposed to be in schoolrooms.

Barkeep: Yeah, but drunks aren’t.




Fairy: Lets get on with this. I wonder whichone has the problem?

Barkeep: Probably the guy who looks like a deer

in the headlights.

Fairy: Yeah, you’re probably right … again.

(Looking at the father.) So what’s yourproblem?

Father: Who are you?

Fairy: I’m your fairy godmother, except thatthe real one is on vacation and I wassent by Metaphysical & ManagerialRecruiters, Inc., in her place. Andbefore you ask, yes I know I don’t looklike a fairy godmother.

Father: I wasn’t going to ask that, I waswondering who he was?

Fairy: Oh him? He’s my bartender.

Barkeep: Nice to meet you. (Shaking theFather’s hand)

Father: You guy smell like you’ve beendrinking.

Fairy: Yeah?!? And you look like you areabout to pee your pants. So, tell uswhat’s the problem, I’ll wave mywand. It will get solved and we can getback to the bar. It’s near quitting time.

Father: I can’t believe this is happening to me.

Fairy: I don’t care what you believe. I’m hereto solve problems and get the hellhome.




Barkeep: Hey lighten up with the guy.

What’s going on here, are you doingone of those horrible show and tells foryour kid?

Father: Exactly.

I’m an accountant, for crying out loud,these kids are looking for excitement,like jet pilots, baseball players,firemen … How exciting is accounting?

Barkeep: Be cool. … Take a deep breath. …What was it the teacher just askedyou?

Father: Tell them something about mychildhood. When I was a kid, all I didwas study. I was your classic nerdbookworm.

Barkeep: Yes, but what did you dream about …

Father: Well … there was this woman in thecircus …

Barkeep: Tell them about that.

Circus … circus … At The Circus! Nowwave your wand.

DINGDINGDINGDING (The Fairy spins around waving hiswand. The Fairy and barkeep fade andthe class comes back to life)

Teacher: Mr. Ernest? Mr. Ernest? You wereabout to tell the children aboutsomething from your childhood?

Father: (With new found confidence) Ah thisquestion brings back fond memories--childhood days! Lemonade!! Romance!




My life was wrapped around the circus-- her name was Lydia. I met her at the World's Fair in 1900, marked down from 1940. Ah Lydia.

She was the most glorious creature under the sun.

Weiss(?)!, DuBarry(?)! Garbo! Rolled into one.

Ahhhhh...

Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia? Lydia the tattooed lady She has eyes that folks adore so

And a torso even more so Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia Oh Lydia, the queen of tattoo

(The teacher steps out from behind her desk. She iswearing a wrap around dress. Turnsher back to the class/audience and

slowly reveals her shoulders and backthat she are covered in tattoos. She iswearing a flesh colored leotard andtights covered in tattoos. Naughty bitscovered with fig leaves.)

On her back is the Battle of Waterloo Beside it the Wreck of the Hesperus, too




And proudly above waves the red, white and blue You can learn a lot from Lydia

(la la la, la la la) (la la la, la la la)

(The kids now rock side to side in time with the music.The teacher turns toward the class/audience revealing anearth tattoo on her belly.)

When her robe is unfurled, she will show you the world If you step up and tell her where For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree Or Washington crossing the Delaware

Everyone: (la la la, la la la) (la la la, la la la)

Father: Ah Lydia, oh Lydia, say, have you met Lydia? Oh Lydia the tattooed lady When her muscles start relaxin' Up the hill comes Andrew Jackson Lydia, oh Lydia, that encyclo-pidia Oh Lydia, the queen of them all For two bits she will do a mazurka in jazz With a view of Niagara that nobody has

And on a clear day, you can see Alcatraz You can learn a lot from Lydia

Kids: (la la la, la la la) (la la la, la la la)

Father: Come along and see Buffalo Bill with his lasso Just a little classic by Mendel Picasso Here is Captain Spaulding exploring the Amazon Here's Godiva but with her pajamas on

Kids: (la la la, la la la) (la la la, la la la)

Father: Here is Grover Whelan unveilin' the Tri-lon Over on the west coast we have Treasure Isle-on Here's Nijinski a-doin' the rumba Here's her social security numbah








cookies by some witch who was acousin to Hannibal the Cannibal.

Don’t take this magic stuff too lightly.

Barkeep: (Still chuckling) Oh, climb down off your soapbox. You thought it waspretty funny too.

Fairy: I’ve got to admit it, at first I had thispicture of a Fred Astair and GingerRogers dancing scene going throughmy head. But your circus commentand where did that teacher get allthose tattoos? Then him singing thatsong, it was pretty darned funny.

I don’t suppose another drink is inorder?

Barkeep: Yea, so long as it’s water. I don’t wantto be caught stupefied on the job.

Do you think the Elf does randomdrug testing?

Fairy: I thought I was on drugs the first timeI saw her, at the interview.

Barkeep: Here you go. (Hands him a glass of water.)

Who’s next?

Fairy: Some couple named Bruce andMarilyn.

Barkeep: Those names, together, sort of ring abell. I wonder if I know them?

Fairy: (Giggling) Well, here goes. Grab on,it’s time to visit Bruce and Marilyn …

Fade to black.




Act Two Act Two Act Two Act TwoScene FiveScene FiveScene FiveScene Five ---- Lady In Red SceneLady In Red SceneLady In Red SceneLady In Red Scene

Set: Dressing table, bench seat, mirror frame on

the left, high bed on the right.Opens with a woman in a red gown is seated at

her dressing table, looking atherself in the mirror with a somberlook. Man walks in, tosses his

jacket on the bed, leans against thefoot of the bed looking down at thefloor, appears to be exhausted.Woman starts to remove herearrings.

Ding Scene freezes.

Barkeep and Fairy arrive, somewhat drunk,bumping into one another. Theytry to get themselves undercontrol. Then they look around andsee the man.

Barkeep: (Recognizes man, gets excited andpoints) Hey! That’s … that’s … Iknow who he is. He’s famous!

Fairy: (Blearily looking at the man.) Yeah, It happens all the time. Thepeople you think who need theleast help are the ones who need it themost.

Barkeep: You think he needs help? This guyplays guitar like nobody else. And the

songs he writes … tear your heart out.What kind of communication problemcould he have?

Fairy: (Looking over at the seated woman)Maybe it’s not him. It might be her.




Barkeep: (Lagging in following the Fairy’s gaze,sees the woman.) Oh, I didn’t noticeher.

She doesn’t look all that happy.

Fairy: (Bringing up his wand and staring atit like it’s the first time he’s seen it.)So, … ah, which one do you want toquestion? (Remember he’s somewhatdrunk.)

Barkeep: Well, I’d like to talk to him.

Fairy: And just what would you say?

Barkeep: I’d tell him that I really like his musicand …

Barkeep and Fairy: … can I have your autograph …

Fairy: … I thought so. You can’t get woundup with who they are, or you’ll onlymake it worse.

Lets see what’s on her mind. …Hello??

Marilyn: (With a start) Oh …

Fairy: I’m your Fairy Godmother and I’mhere …






acoustic? He played that heavy metalrocking song from the seventies like alullaby. It was fantastic!

Fairy: So, who should we wand? Him or her?

Barkeep: She’s primed. Wave it at him, but Iwant to stay and watch.

Fairy: I’m thinking romantic thoughts of Fred and Ginger … (He waves thewand at the man. The Fairy andBarkeep step to the side and remain inframe, but not lit.)

Bruce: (Looks up from the floor and over atMarilyn. See she has removed herearring and is now reaching for hernecklace. He walks across the stageand to help. She puts her hands in herlap and lets him unclasp the necklace.They both look in the mirror. Musiccomes up. He sings)

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight I've never seen you shine so bright

I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance They're looking for a little romance Given half a chance

And I've never seen that dress you're wearing Or that highlights in your hair That catch your eyes I have been blind

(She stands and looks up at him. He takesher hand and the dance begins.)

The lady in red is dancing with me Cheek to cheek There's nobody here It's just you and me It's where I wanna be But I hardly know this beauty by my side I'll never forget the way you look tonight




I never will forget the way you look tonight The lady in red My lady in red

Back to the bar.




Act Two Act Two Act Two Act TwoScene SixScene SixScene SixScene Six – –– – FinaleFinaleFinaleFinale ---- Back in the bar.Back in the bar.Back in the bar.Back in the bar.

The Fairy and the Barkeep are just leaning on the

bar enjoying the moment.Barkeep: (Wiping his eyes) Wow! That was

great! Sniff. I didn’t know he coulddance.

Fairy: Yeah, sometimes you win … big.

What am I talking about, it was allyour idea.

(Looks at his watch or clock on the wall.) Hey, it’sgetting on to quitting time.

Barkeep: Well, there’s still no one here. Whatyou say we have a shooter each and do

just one more bit of magic?

This has been a lot of fun. You gotyourself one hell of a temp job there.

Fairy: Yeah, it does have some fun bits.

But I’ll pass on the shooter or I’ll passout when I get home. If the wife smellsbooze on me, she’ll think I’m hiding abottle in my office.

Got any Sen-Sen?

Barkeep: Sen-Sen? I haven’t heard that in adog’s age. Besides, if you have that,

the way your wobbling around she’llthink you’ve been sneaking Sambucain that locked room of yours.

Fairy: Well, I’ve got to be going. It’s quittingtime. And speaking of fun, I’ve madeenough fun here, time to find anotherplace to make some fun.




Barkeep: So, Fairy’s have a quitting time?

Fairy: Hey it’s a temp job. The contract saysthe hours are 9:00 to 5:00 PM with an

hour off for lunch and no overtime.

After that last one, I’m bushed.

Barkeep: Well … what about me? Are you sureI’m not on your list?

Fairy: (Pulls out the list, it unrolls to thefloor and he runs though it from top tobottom.) Nope, you’re not here. Youseem like a good candidate, but you’renot here.

Barkeep: How about doing a little wand wavingfor … you know … for a friend?

Fairy: What could I do for you? You seemhappy, fairly well adjusted. You thinkon your on your feet. That bit with thetattooed lady was enough of aninspiration to me to want to finish out

my Fairy contract instead of hangingup my wand and wings.

Why, you even make the best drinksaround.

Barkeep: Hold on a second. Take a look aroundyou. All I’ve got for customers is an ex-broker temping as a Fairy and he onlybought one drink. You can’t tend a barthat no one comes to.

Fairy: Aw, quit whining. All you need is agimmick. Something that makes yourbar stand out from all the otherwatering holes. It’ll come to you.




I got to go. The wife gets cranky if Icome down late for dinner. Thanks forthe drinks!

(As he walks away, he says over his

shoulder) Hey, here comes a customernow …

(A woman walks in and over to thebar. Looks downtrodden. Herecognizes her as the hottie from thebedroom scene.)

Barkeep: Good evening … Kathy, isn’t it? Howmay I be of service?

Kathy: (She gives him an incredulous look) I’llhave a Vodka Martini, if you don’tmind. And keep the chatter toyourself. I’ve had one hell of a day.

Barkeep: (While making the drink.) I see you’vespent some time at an organizedevent, … Ms. Brown. Did it not gowell? (As he hands her the drink.)

Kathy: It was one of thosehorrible, cattle calltype job fairs wherefifteen hundredpeople show up forfifteen jobs. It wasawful. When Ifinally got to speakto a hiring manager,they took one look atmy resume and saidI was over qualified.

Now what does over qualified mean?Doesn’t it mean I am qualified AND Ihave extra skills that just might makeme a little more useful???




Over qualified.

The hiring manager was probablyscared spit-less that if I was given the

job, ten minutes later I’d be HER boss.

They just don’t get it. I’ve just movedout from a relationship gone sour, andI need a job! I can do all of whatthey’re asking and more.

It’s just so stupid …

DINGDINGDINGDING

Barkeep: (Looks Mrs Brown full in the face leaning over the bar andstarts in on this song … "The Galaxy Song" from _The Meaningof Life_ by Monty Python)

(Spoken... music creeps in towards the end of the first verse...) Whenever life gets you down, Mrs. Brown

And things seem hard or tough And people are useless, or obnoxious, or daft, And you feel that you've had quite enough...

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's revolving Revolving at nine-hundred miles an hour It’s orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,

A sun that is the source of all our power.Now the sun and you and me, and all the stars that we can see

Are moving a million miles a day In an outer spiral arm at forty thousand miles an hour Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way.

Our galaxy itself contains a hundred million stars,It's a hundred thousand light-years side to side,It bulges in the middle, sixty thousand light-years thick,But out by us it's just three thousand light-years wide.We're thirty thousand light-years from galactic central point We go 'round every two hundred million years,

And our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions in this Amazing and Expanding Universe!

(Barkeep come out from behind the bar an waltzes with Mrs. Brown to the musical bridge.)




The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding In all of the directions it can whiz,

As fast as it can go, the speed of light, y'know,Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is,So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure How amazingly unlikely is your birth,

And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,'Cause there's bugger-all down here on Earth.

(The sign for the bar descends with an added sign below it,“Karaoke.”)

People start to come in to the bar, sound of their talking swells,people start ordering drinks.

Curtain.

Original Cast Opening NightOriginal Cast Opening NightOriginal Cast Opening NightOriginal Cast Opening Night



Page 1 - 12/2/2009 - 5:22 PM – C:\Documents and Settings\HP_Administrator\My Documents\Raymond Arts\Magic\Tattoos\Tattoos.docPage 1 of 11

Washington Trilon

Niagra

The World

A l c a

t r a z

P ar i s

A n d r

e w J a

c k s o

n

B u f f a l o B i l l

Flag

W a t e r l o o H e s p e r u s

N a j i n s k i C a p t a i n S p a u l d i n g

SS #

G o d i v a

P i c a s s

o

B a t t l e s

h i p B a t t l e s h i p




Battle of Waterloo

Wreck of the Hesperus




Red, white & blue

The World




Kankakee

Paris




Washington Crossing the Delaware

Andrew Jackson




Niagra Falls

Alcatraz




Bffalo Bill Captain Spaulding




Godiva (needs pajamas)




The Trilon Vaslav Nijinsky

Treasure Island






Picasso



S i g h t l i n e



S i g h

t l i n e



F o r M o r e

I n f o r m a t i o n

C o n t a c

t

G r e g

B e m

i s

g r e g @ b e m

i s g e o . c o m

P O B o x

3 3 9

R a y m o n d , N

H 0 3 0 7 7

6 0 3 6 7 4 - 5 2 9 7

w w w . b e

m i s g e o . c o m

R R R A Y M O N D

A Y M O N D

A Y M O N D A A A R T S R T S R T S ’ ’ ’

W o r l

d P r e m

i e r P r e s e n t a t i o n

O f

T T T T H E H E H E H E M M M M A G I C

A G I C

A G I C

A G I C

O O O O F F F F F F F F R I D A Y

R I D A Y

R I D A Y

R I D A Y N N N N I G H T S

I G H T S

I G H T S

I G H T S

D i r e c t e d

B y

A n d r e a

D e F e o

W r i t t e n

B y

J . N . W o o d

R a y m o n d

H i g h S c h o o l

N o v e m

b e r 6 , 7 & 8 , 2 0 0 9



V A R

I E T Y I S T H E

S P I C E O F L I F E . . .

I F M

U S I C B E

T H E F O O D O

F L I F E ,

P L A Y O N

!

* * * W i l l i a m S h a k e s p e a r e

C

o n g r a t u

l a t i o

n s R

a y m o n

d A

r t s o n

a n o t

h e r

f i n e p e r f o r m a n c e

C o n g r a t u

l a t i o

n s R

a y m o n

d A

r t s o n

a n o t

h e r


C o n g r a t u

l a t i o

n s R

a y m o n

d A

r t s o n

a n o t

h e r


C o n g r a t u

l a t i o

n s R

a y m o n

d A

r t s o n

a n o t

h e r


K o u n

t r y H a i r

D e s i g n

R i v e r b e n d M a r k e t p l a c e

6 4 F r e e t o w n

R o a d

R a y m o n

d , N H 0 3 0 7 7

( 6 0 3 ) 8 9 5 - 2 7 4 2

k o u n

t r y h a i r d e s i g n . c o m

A n e x c l u s i v e

G o

l d w e l l

C o

l o r

S a l o n



D r . G a r y A . G r a h a m

R a y m o n d C h i r o p r a c t i c C l i n i c

1 5 1 R o u t e 2 7

R a y m o n d , N H 0 3 0 7 7

P h o n e : ( 6 0 3 ) 8 9 5 - 0 0 7 7

F a x : ( 6 0 3 ) 8 9 5 - 6 9 3 2

W e c

W e c

W e c

W e c a r e a b o u t y o u r

t o t a l b o d y h e a l t h

a r e a b o u t y o u r






a n d w e l l n e s s




· P e r s o n a l I n j u r y · F a m i l y L a w

· B u s i n e s s D i s p u t e s

L a w O f f i c e s o f

A n d r e w J . H

a r m o n ,

E s q .

2 3 W e s t W e b s t e r S t r e e t , M a n c h e s t e r , N H 0 3 1 0 4

T e l . ( 6 0 3 ) 0 0 4 2 —

f a x ( 6 0 3 ) 6 2 6 - 0 4 0 8

R a y m o n d O f f i c e

C o n c o r d O f f i c e

( 6 0 3 ) 8 9 5 - 2 3 6 7

( 6 0 3 ) 2 2 3 - 2 3 1 1

I . C . R E E D & S O N S , I N C .

P . O . B o x

9 6 8

( 6 0 3 ) 8 9 5 - 2 7 3 1

8 — 9 E v a n s D r i v e

R a y m o n d , N H 0 3 0 7 7

S e r v i n g

U t i l i t i e s

& I n d u s t r y

S i n c e

1 9 5 3





M a n y T h a n k s T o




B r a d f o r d C o p y




“ Y o u r L o c a l C o p y S h o p ”




F o r T h e i r C o n t r i b u t i o n s t o




O u r L o c a l C o m m u n i t y




T h e a t e r P r o d u c t i o n s



T h e a t e r P r o d u c t i o n s .

C o u n t r y W o o d s …

b e c a u s e y o u p l a n o n

k e e p i n g i t .

W h y B u y U n f i n i s h e d F u r n i t u r e

R e a l W o o d / S o l i d V a l u e . . . W

h e n y o u b u y u n f i n i s h e d f u r n i t u r e ,

y o u c a n s e e

w h a t y o u ’ r e g e t t i n g . R e a l W o o d ! N o P a r t i c l e B o a r d !

Q u a l i t y t h a t l a s t s !

S a v e M o n e y . . . Y o u

c a n s a v e a g o o d d e a l o f m o n e y b y f i n i s h i n g

t h e f u r n i t u r e y o u r s e l f . I t ' s e a s y a n d w e c a n s h o w y o u h o w .

M a k e I t Y o u r O w n . . . C

r e a t e a l o o k a l l y o u r o w n . Y o u c a n c u s t o m

c o l o r a l l t h e

p i e c e s t o m a t c h y o u r d é c o r . F i n i s h i t y o u r s e l f o r w e

c a n d o i t f o r y o u .

C u s t o m i z e . . .

W e h a v e o v e r 8 0 m a n u f a c t u r e r s t o c h o o s e f r o m

w h i c h a l l o w s y o u t o m i x a n d m a t c h . S e v e r a l o f o u r m a n u f a c t u r e r s

w i l l c u s t o m i z e ; f o r i n s t a n c e , b r i n g i n y o u r d i m e n s i o n s a n d c r e a t e

y o u r o w n w a l l s y s t e m .

C o u n t r y W o o d s U n f i n i s h e d F u r n i t u r e

3 1 1 R o u t e 2 7

R a y m o n d , N H 0 3 0 7 7

w w w

. c w u f . c o m



C a s t I n O r d e r O f A p p e a r a n c e

B a r t e n d e r — J a c k F l y n n

T h e F a i r y G o d m o t h e r “ T e m p ” - B o b G a g n o n

D a r e n H a v e r s a c k — K e v i n C a m p b e l l

C a m p e r s — L a n a T e s h , T r e v o r M c M a n u s , T r i s t a n M c M a n u s ,

J a n i M c C o s h , K a t r i n a C h a m b e r l a i n , A m a n d a L i n d q u i s t .

W i f e V o i c e — A n d r e a D e F e o

E l f — A n n C a r o n

L i n d a — J a n i M c C o s h

T o m m

y — A a r o n

K a t h y B r o w n — K i m L i n d q u i s t

P a u l — R o l a n d C u r i t

M a i l M a n — B o b G o n s e r

R a t s — L a n a T e s h , T r e v o r M c M a n u s , J a n i M c C o s h ,

K a t r i n a C h a m b e r l a i n , A m a n d a L i n d g q u i s t .

I a n E a r n e s t —

S h a e m u s A h e a r n

L y d i a T h e T e a c h e r — N i c o l e S h a n k

S c h o o l K i d s — L a n a T e s h , T r e v o r M c M a n u s , T r i s t a n

M c M a n u s , J a n i M c C o s h , K a t r i n a C h a m b e r l a i n , A m a n d a

L i n d q u i s t , A a r o n

M a r i l y n — M

a r y l y n J o h n s o n

B r u c e — B r u c e F l o w e r

C r e w

D i r e c t o r — A n d r e a D e F e o

S o u n d — R o g e r M o o r e

S o u n d E d i t i n g — R M o o r e , B

F l o w e r , T J o h n s o n , J W o o d

L i g h t i n g — J o l e n e B e a u l e a u

S p o t L i g h t — D e b M o o r e

S t a g e N i n j a — M i c h e l e M c M a n u s

T i c k e t s —

J o y c e W o o d

C o n c e s s i o n s — K a t h y C a m p b e l l , K i m L a y m a n , C h e r y l K i l l a m

S i g n s — K i m L a y m a n

H o u s e — J o a n G o n s e r , L i n d a A u c l a i r

P r o m p t e r —

S u s a n H i l c h e y

P r o p s — F r a n c i s M c M a n u s , M a t t N o l t e , A d a m O l i v e r

P r o d u c e r , P r o p s , P l a y w r i g h t — J o n a t h a n W o o d









A A A A C T C T C T C T O O O O N E N E N E N E

S c e n

e O n e :

“ T e m p

i n g ? ? ”

S c e n e T w o :

“ … s o

m e k i n d o f a t e s t . ”

S c e n e T h r e e :

“ L o o k b u s t e r

, t h a t ’ s F a n t a s y ”

S c e n e F o u r :

“ … i f

i t h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w

i t h

b e c o m

i n g a n a s t r o n a u t

t h e a n s w

e r i s n o ! ”

S c e n e F i v e :

“ T h i s A i n ’ t N o C a r n i v a l R i d e

… ”

S c e n e S i x :

“ b l e n d e d l i k e a f i n e m

a y o n n a i s e …

”

S c e n e S e v

e n :

T h e M a i l m a n c o m

e t h

. . .

A A A A C T C T C T C T T T T T W O W O W O W O

S c e n e O n e :

E l v e s w

i t h B e n e f i t s

. . .

S c e n e T w o :

“ B o u r e e ” -

R a t s ! ! !

S c e n e T h r e e :

“ L y d i a ’ s S h o w

a n d T e l l ”

S c e n e F o u r :

“ O b v

i o u s l y

, y o u r e x

p o s u r e

t o

f a i r y t a l e s i s l i m i t e d

… ”

S c e n e F i v e :

“ I ’ m t h i n k i n g r o m

a n t i c t h o u g h t s

. . . ”

S c e n e S i x :

“ W h e n e v

e r L i f e G e t s

Y o u D o w

n ,

M s B r o w

n …

”

F I N



Date post:	08-Apr-2018
Category:	Documents
Upload:	jonathan-n-wood
View:	213 times
Download:	0 times