Supporting Children and Grandchildren When You Have

Cancer

Dana Nolan MS, LMHC, NCCLicensed Mental Health Counselor

The Times They Are a-Changin’

Historical perspective: Paternalistic

What experts in child psychology now know

Resources available

(800) 615-2270

Basics of Supporting Children

Honest, timely and ongoing communication

Age-appropriate information and support Minimize changes to daily family routine Share the responsibility of providing

support Allow children to cope as individuals Involve children in treatment activities

(800) 615-2270

Education and Communication

The hardest part… Why does this part scare

parents and grandparents so much?

Age-appropriate knowledge is protective

Trust-building

(800) 615-2270

Basics of Educating Children About Cancer

Children Under age 2: Can’t understand concept of cancer Distressed by disruption of routine Separation/attachment issues

Children ages 2-7: Use simple terms like “good” and “bad” cells Reassure children their behavior did not cause the cancer

and that disease isn’t contagious Explain treatment in terms of how it will affect them and

their routine

(800) 615-2270

Basics of Educating Children About Cancer (con’t.)

Children ages 7-12: Able to understand more about causes and effects of serious

illness, but keep explanations simple

Children ages 12+: Capable of abstract thought Can understand more in depth explanations May want to know details and research on their own

(800) 615-2270

Pictures and Hands-OnWhen explaining treatment information to children,

pictures/illustrations or a tour of the treatment facility will help them understand.

For younger children, drawing pictures (draw granddad with no hair) helps them to express their thoughts/feelings about the situation.

If they are interested in seeing medication port, radiation treatment site, scars, feeding tube – let them. But don’t push.

(800) 615-2270

(800) 615-2270

Timing and Setting of Communication

Remember your own experience first learning about your diagnosis

The younger the child, the shorter the talk

Don’t just communicate facts of cancer, add emotions and thoughts

(800) 615-2270

Communication During and After Treatment

Children’s thoughts/feelings change just as ours do throughout the cancer experience

Normalize thoughts and feelings of sadness, anger, joy, fear and frustration

Continually offer children of all ages opportunity to talk or ask questions. They will eventually take you up on it!

(800) 615-2270

Minimize Changes to Daily Routine

Try to keep children's school and activity schedules as normal as possible. It keeps them balanced

Let teacher know that child has a family member with cancer

Chores/responsibilities/consequences still apply

(800) 615-2270

Share the Care

“Let me know if there is anything I can do…” Transport children to school/activities Organize play dates/sleepovers Meals brought to home Ask family members/friends to offer children opportunity to

talk/vent, but not pressure them to talk

(800) 615-2270

Children Coping as Individuals

Quiet children can become more silent Lively children can become more active Anxious children can become more restless, etc….

(800) 615-2270

When Do We Need Extra Help?

Children’s (and teenager’s) behaviors are better indicators than their words

“You seem (sad, worried, lonely, angry, etc.) lately…can you tell me what is going on?”

It may not have to do with cancer

(800) 615-2270

Resources Available for Supporting Children

Counseling Tour of a Facility See resource list for

books, websites and organizations that can help!

(800) 615-2270

Books/Websites That Help“My Daddy’s Cancer: An interactive book for children”

by C. Cohen

“What IS Cancer anyway? Explaining cancer to children of all ages” by Barkley and Eve Series

“Can I still kiss you?”by N. Russell

“When a parent has cancer: A guide to caring for your children”

by W. Halpern

http://www.cancercare.org/publications/49-helping_children_understand_cancer_talking_to_your_kids_about_your

_diagnosis

(800) 615-2270

Contact Information

1-800-615-2270

(800) 615-2270