The Newspaper For Science Students — Vol 6 No 8 18 Jan '93
SAUNDERSON SEEK SPOSITION WITHIN AMS
UBC Young Conservative Jason Saunderson with unidentifed AMSCouncil member at Student Leadership Conference in Whistler .
Kevin Phillips Bong
Roving Corresponden t
UBC Young Conservativ eJason Saunderson, the subjectof recent controversy involv-ing the Alma Mater Society, isseeking to attain a positionwithin one of the administra-tive bodies of the Society .
Mr. Saunderson, who is cur-rently taking issue with th eAMS concerning libelousremarks printed in theUbyssey, was seen associatingwith an unnamed AMS officialat last November's StudentLeadership Conference inWhistler. According toobservers, the two "have main -
tamed frequent contact" sincethe meeting, and rumorsabound over Mr. Saunderson' spossible future involvemen twith the AMS. Many havespeculated that he may seek tofill an executive seat, perhapseven that of the President .
As a member of the UB CYoung Conservatives, Mr.Saunderson is an active figureon the campus political scene.An outspoken critic of theUbyssey, his efforts were thedriving thrust behind the peti-tion calling for the removal ofthe newspaper's operation sfrom the AMS budget .
At press time, Mr.Saunderson could not bereached for comment on the
current situation regardingeither his legal battle with theUbyssey, or his reported driv efor an AMS seat . However,some background informatio nconcerning the former was dis-tributed to members of theAMS Student Council lastweek, serving to remind stu-dents that the YoungConservative would not toler-ate being taken lightly as eitherthe butt of jokes or a victim ofslander .
The issue promises to beone of great interest, as candi-dates vie for position in theupcoming AMS ExecutiveElections, to be held January25-29 .
KEEP OUT OF REAC HOF SMALL CHILDREN .
INGREDIENTS :OVER 95% OIF CONTENTS CONSIST OF SODIU MHYPOCHLORITE, GRAPHITE, POLYMERIZED HYDROCAR-BONS, AND 4 MFR TREES . LESS THAN 5% CONSIST O FHOLMES EXPLORING HIS FRIDGE (PAGE 2), AARON WAXESEVEN MORE NOSTALGIC, THE MORRIS METHODS (PAGE 3) ,THE SUPER-COOL EVEN-BETTER-THAN-NUTELLA SCIENC EWEEK SPREAD (PAGES 4-5), DIK MILLER, LEONA ADAM SRETURNS! (PAGE 6), MUNDANE DUMPSTER, (PAGE 7) ,DON'T HIT THE SLOPES 'CUZ THEY HIT BACK (PAGE 8) .
"EXCUSE ME. CAN I BORROW YOUR TOWEL ?MY CAR JUST HIT A WATER BUFFALO . "
In a tragic accident, Tartan fails to yield the right-of-way to Dr. Jones.
2
The Four Thirty—Two Vol 6 No 8 18 Jan '93
Of Beasties an dThings that Bump Intothe Bowl of Egg Salad
Xenophobia and the Campus Fridge
SUS Constitutional Changes . . .Read 'em and weep, heavily.
Dr. Watson
Frosh, but okay anyway. . .
I am now a veteran of livingin medias res ; I slop caf foodwith the best of them, don't domy laundry for a week, getready for an 8 :30 in ten min-utes flat . But there is no way ,no way in Heaven or Hell, thatI'll ever get used to our floorfridge cum arboretum . I mean ,who in their right mind woul deat pickled herring wearing afur coat? The sign saying "DoNot Eat, Property of " is rather ludicrous ,Hell, I ain't going to eat some-thing if I can't tell whether it' sa vegetable or an animal any-ways. I wish that people wouldlabel the stuff that they put inthe fridge so at least us otherblokes who try to use the damnfridge to store food and notmicrobiology experimentswould know exactly whatwe're facing when we see alarge philodendron-like growthinside.
"Ah, Mike, what is that inthe tipper-ware container tha tkeeps saying `Don't touch me ,I'm contagious'?"
"Well, it used to be pudding .Now it mostly consists of moldand vibrio cholerae ."
(Don't quote me on this one,I'm not into microbi! )
We get the most sinisteritems in our fridge: this week ,it's the ominous black bag thatperiodically makes belchingsounds and the can of whateverthat tells you to put it the loca lnuker on High for approxi-mately 2 .5 hours beforeattempting to open. Sometime sthe scariest things aren't evenfood-related: are jars of WD-40used to clean bike chains nextto the mayo and cream cheesecommon to anybody else' sfridge? I'd like to know whoeats a mayo-and-axle-greasesandwich and if it's a rare deli-cacy . Then again, maybe not .
Ever notice that food takeson its own persona when it gets
about 3 weeks old and in 5weeks, it develops a rudimenta-ry personality and intelligencesimilar to that of your chemprof? In 11 weeks, it hasdeveloped an advanced civi-lization and could probably dobetter than you on your nex tPhysics 120 exam . Elevenweeks is the longest anythinghas been left our fridge un-noticed; in the first week ofschool, the pizza box with 3pieces left in it was placed onthe bottom shelf bearing themessage, "Touch and Die" .Ten weeks later, that messageremained valid, as the little ,super-intelligent creature withpepperoni fused in its rudimen-tary exoskeleton threatened topoison anyone in the immedi-ate vicinity with a paralyticpoison made of olives and left-over salsa sauce. Other thanthat, he (it?) was a funny littleguy, and we enjoyed debatingthe meaning of life with him aswe searched in that jungle wecall an ice-box . Unfortunately ,he was found by our janitor ,one of those creatures whoinsist on keeping EVERY -THING sanitized (now here's aconcept: a guys' res floor andan immaculate bathroom andrefrigerator . Never in a millionyears.) and we were forced toput him out the back door inthe middle of a cold ,November night by order of theupper bureaucracy . The nex tday we found his body next tothe carcasses of seven crows ;we figure that he fought themoff valiantly, but that he suc-cumbed to what can only bedescribed as "pizza disease "when his pizza sauce froze inthe cold air.
This sad little story just goe sto show why cleaning yourfridge is so vital: not only willyou not develop a lasting(! )relationship with a piece ofpizza, but philodendrons justdon't look good growing out ofa tub of cream cheese. It keepsthe janitor out of your hair, too,as well as her hair out of yourleftover pizza.
Proposed Constitutional Amendments:Areas to be changed are in italic type.
That the SUS Constitution be amended asfollows :
Article I - Executive Officers.
1) The Executive officers who must beactive members of the Society and fullyintend to be members of the Societythroughout their term of office shall consis tof:i) President;ii) Internal Vice President;iii)External Vice President;iv)Director ofPublications;v)Executive Secretary;vi)Director of Finance;vii)A.M.S. Student Council Representative;viii)Sports Director .Remove : (vii).Replace with : vii) Public Relations Officer
(P.R.O.);Add: ix) Social Coordinator;
Article II - Executive Durres ,
2) Further duties of specific officers shal lbe :
c) External Vice Presidenti) To represent the Society to the AMS
Students Council ;ii) To have booking privileges with the
AMS;in) To organize, co-ord inate. and promote
all social functions of the Society;1) To chair the Social Committee;2) To coordinate the sale and distribution o f
tickets for he Society's functions ;3) To coordinate the timing and posting of
all poster and banner material for allsocial events;
4) To arrange any press releases by Media ;vi) To be a member of the Science Week
Committee.vii) To know the AMS constitution, bylaws
and policies;viii) To recommend people to Council fo r
the following Ex-Officio positionsand work with the officers appointe don their respective projects:
Remove: (ii), (iii), (vi), (vii), (viii).Replace with:ii) To know thoroughly, theAMS' s
constitution, codes and by-laws an dhave current copies of these availableon file in the Science office ;
iii) To keep Council informed oftheactivities of tte AMS StudentCouncil;
iv) To keep Council informed of th eactivities of other AMS Constituenciesand clubs;
v) To attendAMS Council Meetings ;vi) To keep Council informed of any AM S
rights or privileges to which we areentitled;
vii) To keep Council informed of any AMSprocedures of which we should b eaware;
viii) To be a liaison between the Counciland the AMS;
ix) To be a liaison between the Council andother Constituencies.
x) To represent the views of Science Councilto theAMS;
xi) To keep the Science Newspaper Councilinformed of the activities of the AMSStudent Council.
f) Director ofPublicationsi) To publish, or cause to be published, the
following :1) Summer mailout;2) The 432;3) The Black and Blue Revie wii) To assist in the production of all posters
and banners ;iii) To ensure publication of the information
collected for the Black and BlueReview;
iv) To ensure publication of items for theSociety requested by the Executive ;
v) To ensure publication of items for theSociety requested by Council ;
vi) To be a member of the followingStanding Committeees:
1) Budget Committee ;2) Science Week Committee;vii) To be the head editor of the Science
Newspaper Council (refer to Ankle
Add: viii) To represent the Society to th eAMS Students Council;
g) AMS Student Council Representativ ei) To know and uphold the Scienc e
Undergraduate Society's oonstiwticn ;ii) To know thoroughly, the AMS's
ceostitiution, codes and by-laws an dhave anent copies of than availableon file in the Science office ;
iii) To keep Council informed of theactivities of the AMS Studen tCouncil;
iv) To keep Council informed of th eactivities of other AMSConstituencies and clubs;
v) To attend AMS Council Meetings ;vi) To keep Council informed of any AM S
rights or privileges to which we areentitled;
vii) To keep Council informed of any AMSprocedures of which we should b eaware;
viii) To be a liaison between the Counciland the AMS ;
ix) To represent the views of ScienceCouncil to the AMS;
x) To keep the Science Newspaper Counci linformed of the activities of the AMSStudent Council.
Remove: (g)Replace With :
g) Public Relations Officeri) To itform Science Students of
employment opportunities :I) To be a liaison between the Society and
the UBC Student Placement Office,and/or any other student employmen toffice(s);
2) To be a liaison between the Society andthe Science Clubs Employment Reps ;
3) To work with the AlwnniAssociation andthe Faculty of Science coordinatingthe Beyond the BSc . event
ii) To coordinate or appoinea coordinatorfor all charity events including: theRed Crass Blood Drive, the FoodDrive and/or any other charities theSUS may choose to participate in;
iii) To arrange any press releases byMedia;
iv) To be a ex-officio member of th efollowing standing committees andsub councils:
1) Science Week Committee ;2) Social Committee;3)Academics Cmmcil .v) To know the AMS constitution, bylaw s
and policies;vi) To represent the Society to the AMS
Student Council.
Add:
i) Social Coordinatori) To have booking privileges with the
AMS;ii) To organize, co-ordinate, and promote all
social functions of the Society :1) To chair the Social Committee;2) To coordinate the sale and distribution o f
tickets for the Society's functions;3) To coordinate any advertising for any of
the Society's social events.iii) To be a member of the Science Wee k
Committee.iv) To coordinate all banner painting efforts
of the Society.
Article VI-StandingCommitteesand Sub-Csatagll
1) Committeesa) The Social Committee, which shall
consist of the External Vice President ,the Director of Finance, the ScienceWeek Co-ordinator, stdaiyother " 'interested active member of theSociety. This committee shall :
i) propose a social program for approval toCouncil.
ii) co-ordinate and promote the socialprograms as approved by Council .
Change a) to read:a) The Social Committee, which shall
consist of the Social Coordinator(who is the .norr rw committee),External Vice President, the Directorof Finance, and any other interestedactive member of the Society. Thiscommittee shall :
i) propose a social program for approval toCouncil.
Cost : Members - $1 - Non-membersDrink and Eat All You Want!! !
I ~;dc~ z(c) [ 1 C°
Co) [TM)
would Lake To Invite .Everyone To Attend The : .
Car Rally
Vol 6 No 8 18 Jan '93 The Four Thirty—Two
3The Morris Methods FACEWASH! !
Jamie Morris
Brain Abducted by Saucer Alien s
Greetings! I'd like to firs tstart off by informing you thatthis is not an experiment (but Ihope you'll enjoy it anyway) .You must understand that sci-entific preparations are long ,tedious, and often difficul twork (as was the case in acquir-ing thyrone briareus (seacucumbers) for my first experi-ment) . I am, however, at thismoment working on a ne wexperiment of which I plan tobring to your attention in anupcoming issue.
In this issue I give you anexcerpt from my soon to bepublished book, "Sex, Death ;,Drugs, Surrealism, and Ethicsin Science" . It dwells on vitalphilosophical questions facingscientists, and perhaps even th eworld, today .
The wax figurines hadcooled, but Tara still couldn' tmake sense of them . Guido, thelocal midget/pre-med student ,obviously had. From adjacentsides of the table, Kirsten andTara watched in horror asGuido launched himself, bellyfirst, onto the table, and with avoracious lust, began to devou rthe demonic icons of wax. Thesweat on his face beaded down,amplified by the blue-greentinge of his dead skin mask .
"My God ! " screamed Tara ,Her head shook with awfulchaotic convulsions and herfingernails tore at her face."What the hell are you doing. . .Stop it! Stop it right now!P .. .You're driving me insane! "
"el I I . . .can't helpit." croaked Guido as he slimedabout the table top. "Thatexperiment.. .I did yesterday ,something.. .went. .wrong . .. .I I.. .think I . .think. .
I think I'm turning into asquid! "
Tara stumbled away from thetable, her body shaking uncon-trollably while odious,wretched noises escaped hergut. "N0000000000-0000000000000 she cried ,"You can't!. . .. Guido!, ... . .Think for a second. . . Who' sgonna look after your finickycat Fluffy ? . . . And how will yo uwear your galoshes when it' sslushy out? . . . . And who'llfinish your book "GeneticManipulation : One Hundredand One Improvements on theMale Copulatory Organ" .. ..An dwhat about your colleague swho'll track you down, and kil lyou. And once you're deadthey'll dissect you, and dissec tyou again, until you can be dis-sected no more . . .NO I CAN'TLET THAT HAPPEN. . .SO,GODDAMMIT GUIDO, DOME A FAVOUR AND DON' TTURN INTO A STINKY,SMELLY SQUID!!!" Guido,however, being of short andstubborn stature, didn't listen.
Kirsten watched calmly from
her place at the table a .s theincoherent, irrational Tarascreeched and sprinted aboutthe living room . Kirstenyawned as Tara smashed he rhead against objects of all sorts :walls, paintings, T.V. tables ,the T' .V . itself, (on which, ironi-cally, was playing the movie :It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MadWorld), against book cases, afan, as well as an assortment ofchairs and fold out couches .". . .If you're a squid, then . . .thenI'm a hammer!" she had said .After Tara had 'hammered' al lthe mundane objects of theroom, she looked for somethingthat presented more of a chali-lenge. She spotted the slidingglass door to the apartments 'balcony. `Yes!' she thought, ' Ishall hammer that large win-dow over there!' With a wav eof her bloody head, Tara ran astraight line towards the window. She dove, gracefully ,head first, through the window,cleared the balcony, and fel lsixty stories to her death .Kirsten just sat there and grunt-ed.
Meanwhile, Guido, 'withou tthe use of his arms, had takenoff all his clothes, crawled intoa far corner and licked hi snaked body. "Gotta keepmoist. . .gotta keep moist," hemuttered, "gotta gottakeep moist. . .NO!!! Don't comenear me! I'm a trickier squidthan I look Gotta keepmoist. . Gotta keep clean . . .gottaclean my squid-liketentacles. .yeah !l . . . . Mu .sn't letMom see me like this.. .. .she'd. . ..she'd only laugh atmy digestive system ...NO! Imusn't Gotta keep moist. . . .Gotta keep moist. . .." and so o:nand so forth . Once againKirsten grunted.
Kirsten had watched the pro-ceedings indifferently. Theexperimental pentapeptidedrugs had not affected her near-ly as much as her colleagues ,and she was therefore some -what pissed off.
'So this is it,' she thought toherself 'so this is it ' Sheshook her head, 'Hell if thi sisn't the last time I serve 'Fis hSticks' at this table,' Kirstenconcluded.
As you can see it is a veryemotional work, and because i tdeals with so many touchy sub-jects, it may offend some read•ers . If you are interested i nreading a book like this, tell meso, I am delighted to hear fro mpeople . One last thing before Igo: people with access to seacucumbers (Thyrone Bnariuspreferred) please get in touchwith me as soon as possible.Thank you .
ed: Mr . Morris made thecross-disciplinary leapfrombiology to chemistry last week,and is still learning how to usethe fume hood properly . Sorryfor any confusion, and we hope :the little fat purple Madonnasorbiting his melon leave himalone.
DUCK
Here are my two earlies tmemories . I don't know whichone is the earliest . I don't thin kanyone knows which singlememory is their earliest .Anyone tells you different ,ignore them. They lie .
Earliest memory numberone: I was in the kitchen of ourseventies-memorial home. Thi shouse smacked of the seventies(although it was built in 1969) .It had shag carpeting, saloondoors into the kitchen, a bam-boo hanging chair, and cedarshingling . It was 1970's all theway. It oozed disco .
My earliest memory of me,in the kitchen, revolves aroun dmy mother trying to feed memedicine. As I recall, she want-ed me to swallow two pills, andI would be damned if I wasgoing to do that. There wewere, in the middle of thekitchen, on the 1970's styleLinoleum floor, with the saloo ndoors swinging in the back-ground, my mother in a flora lpolyester shirt and bell-bottomjeans, and trying to get me toswallow those two harmles spills . . I never swallowed thepills, even though she waspatient and understandingthroughout the whole ordeal .
I feel very guilty about that ,even today .
My other earliest memory isof breaking my mother's lip-stick in half, quite by accident .I admitted to doing it, gotyelled at, and then sent to myroom, where I was very sorryabout my misdeed .
I don't feel guilty aboutbreaking the lipstick . I did timefor it. I paid my dues .
I have very many other earlymemories . I have noticed that,aside from a traumatic expen-
ence involved in each memory ,there is a common thread run-ning through each memory .
They all took place in thewinter time.
I don't know why this Is .But I have a theory why mos tof my memories of past semi-traumatic experiences occurredin the winter .
Winter, on the whole, is nota pleasant experience for chil-dren . As a matter of fact, it' shell on wheels .
There is something specialabout a child. Something hid-den behind the innocence,buried in the wide-eyed won -der of a child's eyes. There is adeep, almost reverent fascina-tion children have with findingways to turn everyday experi-ences into new methods of tor-ture for their fellow children .
Snow fits the bill perfectly asa unique torture device. Andchildren have a knack forfinding the ideal way to turnsnow into an instrument ofdoom .
Face washes, for example . Istill shudder at the way theogres from grade five woul dhunt their grade three victimsdown after a fresh snow . I,being the Designated SmartKid, would be the first to fal lprey . It was face-washes all th eway.
Actually, I got off easy. PoorJeff Rankin was the DesignatedSmart Kid With Glasses, andhe'd not only get a face-wash ,but then they'd play Keepawaywith his glasses .
When I made it to grade five( the top of the elementaryschool food chain), face wash -es had become old hat . Wewere ready for a new form oftorture .
I invented the Icicle GonchPull . We practiced it to perfec-tion on Ritchie Van Horlick,the Designated Fat Kid WhoseUnderwear Always Peeked OutAbove His Pants.
The method was simple .Seven or eight guys wouldtackle Ritchie to the ground,and the leader of the horde ofyoungsters would stuff snowdown the back of Ritchie' sunderwear. Then someonewould yank like the dickens onRitchie's underwear, givingRitchie a King Kong Wedgie.
Ritchie, who up until thatpoint was giggling half in fu nand half in abject mortal terror ,would scream like a stuck pig ,his face would turn red, the npurple, then blue, he wouldbegin to cough fiercely, andgasp for breath – I think he hadasthma or something like that .Then he would lay very still ,quivering a little .
I remember the first time weever did the Icicle Gonch Pull .Three of us tackled Ritchie tothe ground. We sat on him,uncertain of what to do next,but all three of us realized tha twe were on the threshold of amajor discovery . I took the ini-tiative and applied the Icicl eGonch Pull, whereupon Ritchiescreamed hysterically,coughed, turned red, then pur-ple, then blue, then quivered .I'll never forget it:
ME: (Standing over Ritchie)I think he's dead .
HUEY FREEMAN : (uncer-tain) He's not dead, he's stillmoving .
BILLY LEVANS : (stam-mering) Dead people twitch .He could be dead .
ME: (terrified)What if he' sdead? What if we killed him ?
RITCHIE : (coughing) Thatwasn't funny you guys! !
ME: Did you see how purplehis face got?
HUEY: Let's do it again !
Come to think of it, theIcicle Gonch Pull has its placein modern society . I betGordon Wilson would love touse if for party discipline .
Ryan McCuaigEditor and Executive Whip-Cracker
EDITORIA LContributing Writers Leona Adams, Janice Boyle,Michael Chow, Aaron Drake, Jason Holmes, lai n
Khandwala, Carmen McKnight, Derek Miller, JamieMorris, Sarah Thornton, Various Club People, and
with me as always is Rog.Party on, Rog.
XART AND DESIG NLayout Ryan McCuaig, Roger Watt s
Contributing Artists Melanie Stapleto nand Roger Watts
PRODUCTIO NPrinter College Printers, Ltd . Vancouver
DistributorJn-E•Fish-eit Distribution, Ltd .
tg pwey 1953, Vol 6. No tThe432 is *dished biweekly by the Science Undergraduate Society o fUBC, somewhere doe to Mein Mall and Unhersity Blvd. We generallymake cue hats cut of our nail, especially the politically anew stuff, s odon't bathe sending any .
Angry
Entertainment '93 Coupon BooksJam-packed with half-price coupons !
The skiing coupons are definitely worth using !Fine dining, Arts, Sports, Travel, and muich more !
Pick up your cop yat the UBC Scienc eUndergraduateSociety office,Chemistry
Building,Room 160
'ifiPMOBIP
4
The Four Thirty-Two Vol 6 No 8 18 Jan '93
How to get the mostout of Science Wee k
SUS Present sThe
F e a t u r i n g
WAffi kON MINE'!ry i tlr The Love Bugs
FRIDAY, JANUARY 22,. ASUE BAll2Dtl NTix S :; - AMS Box Office or ;uti
B21R ii.c - ND Hf NORs'
Tuesday January 1 97 PM, SUB Auditoriu m
$1.00
~CIE(1CE WEEK
E'he Stiviv+hi.rtisgt (1>, btiresenf:
The Annual Science Week
HONIF BREWEST
.I iie
iltlt ~ .IfY ritt >ii,s . , >a ; i► 11~a1x
;~
;~f1 :t
* LI!&wM►in#t Ihi#r:
Itw'~; +ci itu tliiu S i ellu t fles . ;i trlii. Iiu'rnti;iu.1,
!)i'.1x1 }• l ~ H,It t
!-ni1rh 1?,>k t ':;
interview skills, and just whatyou can do with your under-graduate degree .
b) get lost. Soln : Enter theCS3 car rally and zoom allover Vancouver and Burnaby ,finding strange articles .
c) get rich . Soln: Try yourluck at gold panning at theDawson Club display, or hopefor a pearl in your oyster-on-the-half-shell from Biosoc, orlearn cold fusion at the Physsoctable, or. . .
d) get stuffed. Soln : Come tothe SUS office (CHEM 160 forthose of you who still haven' tused our 5¢ photocopier) forthe open house to get sucked into a vortex of student politics ,and have pizza, pop, andvideos, all on us !
Sarah Thornton
Science Week Coordinator
Take a break from your phy-toplankton, or particle physics ,or that pernicious precipitatio nprocedure (or for that matter,your piano playing, problemat-ic punctuation, or political-(sci-ence) posturing, if you are ofthose persuasions) .
Come consider the wondersof science and the marvels oforganisation contained in thisyear's Science Week. Get offyour ass, skip that lab lecture ,live on the wild side. Learn thefacts you need to make a quickrepartee when someone tellsyou to:
a) get a job . Soln: Beyondthe BSc . will tell you all youneed to know about resumes ,
TI4w
e) get a heart . Soln : get ateam of 6 together, and ride atrike for charity in the 6thannual tike race . Register atCHEM 160 before Tuesdayand get a free t-shirt too !
f) get a life Soln. 1) go to th eMicroBi Home Brew contes tand volunteer yourself as ataste-tester ; 2) go dance yourDocsTM off to the Hard RockMiners for only $5 Fridaynight.
Hope to see you trying toparticipate – remember, it's theeffort, not the success thatcounts!
6th Annual
Tricycle
Thursday, Ja
12:30 SUEach team of 6 mu
1 TA/Grad1 Faculty/St a
Registration forms at SUS - C$50 per team - All proceedsFree T shin if you
A Visit withCharles Darwi nA Play by Robert Ligh t
Friday January 22, 199312 :30—2 :30 SUB Auditorium
Beyond the B.Sc . . . .Part I : job-Hunting in the '90s
January 18,1993,12:30-1 :30 pm, SUB AuditoriumDo employers hire Bachelor of Science grads? What are the components of an effective resume ?What are the 50 most commonly asked interview questions? Where can you find Information o ncompanies and organizations you would like to work for?
We'd I ike to give you answers to these questions and many more . Our speakers can help make yourfirst steps Beyond the B .Sc . . .. more profitable and rewarding .Speakers: David Beckman, Regional Director, Public Service Commission;
January 19,1993,12:30-1 :30 pm, SUB AuditoriumAs a student In the Bachelor of Science programme, you probably realize your degree isn't exactlya guarantee of ajob . Isa B.Sc . still a valuable degree? What are your options? Do you feel that yo uhave to get Into grad school or sate the country to avoid student loan payments ?
Don't despair . Come and meet 5 UBC grads who are willing to slake a paycheque on the valu eof a B .Sc., even in the job market of the'90s .They will tell you from personal experience how the yused a Bachelor of Science as a springboard to a successful career .Speakers : David Adnnac, BSc'86, Tech . Sales Rep, Mobil Chemical Canada Ltd .;
JoAnne Gin, BSd82 MBA'82, Co-owner, MCI Intl Marine Safety Solutions ;Catherine Rankel, Bsd9t, Articling student. Peat Marwick ThonwDavid V ogt, BSc '77, BA'78, Director of Science, Science World ;Don Wishlow, BSc'76, Secondary School Teacher .
L
Free Refreshments Served at Both Event sSpemmorMtrya,.Fa dryofsnrnrr Ih&Srime Undergradw tSockiyndile UBCArammiAapds/kn .
~
sa
6
4
The Four Thirty—Two Vol 6 No 8 ' 18 Jan '93
The AHI (AdamsHopelessness Index)
Dik Miller, Library Enforcer
I am sick. I know, becausethe nice doctor-shaped personat the Student Health Clinictold me so . Not that I couldn' thave told you that myself, butit's nice to have someone agreewith me for a change . Beingsick makes me do all sorts ofnot entirely bright things . Justyesterday, in some fever-induced frenzy, I decided tocall my friend. Let's call him"Mark", well, because that' shis name. "Mark" is an inter-esting sort of person, and I'mnot quite sure why we arefriends. He's what I like to callan emotional black hole. Theminute he picks up the phone,he starts to radiate his own per-sonal, brand of good cheer. "Doyou realize how little I want totalk to you? Let me tell you, i nno uncertain terms. I wouldactually rather follow the story -line of "Saved by the Bell"than listen to you talking aboutyour life. Listen carefully . I'mactually ignoring you, andlaughing at something that' sbeing said on this insignificantlittle show . Thanks for call-ing."
Well, he doesn't come rightout and say it, but you'd besurprised how well impressionscan be made. He reminds me ofthe cat we adopted when I wasabout eight. Tiger (okay, n ooriginality points for an orang ecat, but I was eight . Give me abreak.) was also quite the inde-pendent spirit. My motherstarted to take offense when hedecided to express his creativi-ty by using our beanbag chairas his personal sandbox, howyou say, without ze sand. Tigerbecame reacquainted with hisfriends at the SPCA prettydarned fast, let me tell you.
"Mark" also reminds me,quite eerily as a matter of fact,of this dear sweet computer atwhich I presently sit. (I'm try-ing to see if flattery will work.)
For those of you who actuallymissed me last issue, I didactually write something . It' sjust that my favourite (pos-sessed) piece of hardwaredecided that in the spirit of freewill, it would lose what Iwrote . Wasn't that neat?
Now don't go saying I' mparanoid, because I'm not (usu-ally). If the computer hadn'teaten my file, I wouldn't havesaid that it did because I amhopelessly realistic. Take thistest so you can find out ifyou're as hopeless as I am :
1 . Is a 500 ml glass contain-ing 250 ml of water :
a) half-full
b) half-empty
c) half a glass of water ?
2. You have a cough. Thismeans :
a) you will meet your futurespouse within the next fiveminutes .
b) you have inoperable lungcancer.
c) you have a cold.
3 . Your submission to yourfavourite newspaper seemsconspicuously absent from itspages. Obviously :
b) the editor couldn't recognizetalent if it did a polka on hi sflat head .
c) the computer ate it.
a) your eyesight must be fail-ing .
If you answered a) morethan once, call and reserve aspace at Camp Serendipity, therehabilitation centre for thechronically intellectually stunt-ed . If you said b) more thanonce, you're probably going tokill yourself with worry . You .c) people on the other hand ,you are men and women aftermy own heart. You're the kindof people who look boldly intothe future and say "What th eheck do I do now?"
MILLER
It was my first day at mynew job. After spending mycareer moving between DikMiller, Private Eye; Dik Miller ,Campus Cowboy; Dik Miller ,Physical Plant; Dik Miller,Eastern European Reporter ;Dik Miller, Food Services; DikMiller, Gulf WarCorrespondent ; Dik Miller,Arts Faculty Advisor; and Di kMiller, Engineering PoliticalCorrectness Enforcer, I wasnow faced with the ultimateindignity: "Dik Miller, LibraryEnforcer . "
I broke myself out of mydeep, steaming funk for amoment as a student walkedpast with a suspicious bulge inhis knapsack.
"Hold it there, hucko," Icalled in my best hold-it-there-bucko voice.
He turned . "Who, me? "
"Yeah, you," I answered,"bucko ."
"I haven't heard the word`bucko' since Happy Days wascanceled," he said.
"Well, you're hearing itnow . "
"So I am," he acknowl -edged. "What do you want? "
"I need to look in your bag . ""Why?"
"Because I think you mighthave something in there that' snot supposed to be in there . "
"And what would that be?"he asked, cocking an eyebrow .
"I won ' t know that until Isee, now will I?" I said sarcas-tically .
"I don't want you to look inmy bag."
"I'll have to demand thatyou let me ."
He frowned. "Under whatauthority? "
Of all the impudence! "Doyou know who I am?" I asked.
"Some jerk in a blue apronthat says LIBRARY MONI-TOR on it?"
"I'm Dik Miller, LibraryEnforcer, and you're going toopen your bag for me, punk!" Ireached into my pocket anddrew out my Dik MillerTM stun
gun/artichoke pitter/swizzlestick.
"What the hell is that?" thestudent asked, backing awayfrom me slowly .
"This," I looked at the objectin my right hand, "is. . .er. . ."
Well, actually, I had mean tto draw out my Dik MillerTMstun gun/artichoke pitter/swiz-zle stick, but accidentallygrabbed my Dik MillerTMcockroach squisher/paper-weight/snowboard.
" . . .uh," I continued, "some-thing you'd rather not dealwith, I assure you! "
"So are you," he declared ,turning on his heel and boltingoff at a run through the MainLibrary doors.
"Come back here, youfiend!" I cried, setting off afterhim .
My lungs burned in the coldwinter air as I ran aroundtoward Buchanan at a dead run,my Dik MillerTM cockroachsquisher/paperweight/snow-board under one arm .
I tried to demoralize him aswe ran . "You can't win!" Iyelled. "You wouldn't be run-ning away if you didn't havesomething to hide! "
My superior private eye -campus cowboy-PhysicalPlant-Eastern Europe-Foo dServices-Gulf War-facultyadvisor-Engineering enforcer-toned body allowed me tocatch up to him rather quickly .That, and the fact that he wascarrying about 50 pounds ofbooks in his right hand andcouldn't run very fast anyway .
I tackled him, sending thebooks, his knapsack, and hisbaseball cap flying across thepavement. I got him in a DikMillerTM thumb-lock on theground. Then I spotted it.
"Aha!" I bellowed . "Just as Isuspected ! "
The student managed amuted "What?" from betwee nhis lips, which were squashedawkwardly by the fact that hischeek was pressed against theasphalt .
I reached out with my freehand and grabbed the itemwhich had caused the suspi-cious bulge in his knapsack.
"What do you say aboutthis?" I said, holding it in fron tof his eyes .
"That's an SFU library
book," he muttered.
"Exactly," I sneered ."You're messing around withthe competition! "
"What are you talkingabout? Libraries don't competefor customers . "
"They don't?" I was rathersurprised at this revelation.Then I saw through his sub-terfuge. "Oh sure, as if I wouldbelieve you – a library traitor –on the esoterics of library eco-nomics . "
"Esoterics?! Libraries arefree, you idiot!" he shouted."Now let me go!"
"Not on your life." I said ,wagging a finger. "I have totake you to see the HeadLibrarian first, and you'll hav eto explain yourself. You caneither come along quietly or Ican make you. "
"Fine, fine," he said . "I'll go,but I think you'll be rather sur-prised at what they say ."
"Hey, bucko, I know myjob."
I released him from the DikMillerTM thumb lock and hestood up, brushing ice from thefront of his coat. He bent topick up his other books, butlooked up at the last second.
"Look out!" he wailed ,pointing a figure skyward.
"Oh yeah," I jeered.%AteI'm gonna fall for tha
t When Iregained conscious-ness, all I could see was whiteand very cold. Somehow thestudent had played a trick onme, blinded me, or something.I tried to move, but was pinnedin place.
Suddenly, light brokethrough, and I found myselfbeing pulled free of a huge pileof snow . The student had obvi-ously knocked me out withsome fancy martial arts foot-work and then buried me in thesnow to keep me from being
discovered . He was nowhere tobe seen . But I must have given
him a scare .
"Hey, buddy, you okay? "asked one of the Physical Plantworkers who had extricatedme. "When that snow fell fromthe roof we were pretty sureyou were a goner."
I brushed him aside . I sup-posed that was "case closed"for Dik Miller, LibraryEnforcer .
Leon a
AIMS
Last chance this year to order a Science cardigan !
II I!lll'
ir.
~
n
$35~
~Only
$35.00
4] i
NavyEmbroidery
a ~~4
blue, 100% cottonand cresting extra
Deadline for orders : February 17, 1993Place your order in the Science Undergraduat eSociety office, Chemistry building, room 160 .
Derek K.
1) a Minister of Copy (Text)is seeking : 2) a Minister of Graphic s
and 3) a person willing to be trainedto take over the Editorship next year .
Interested parties should call Ryan McCuaig at SUS (822-4235 )or 224-4003. And remember ,
NEXT DEADLINE IS TUESDAY, JANUARY 26t h
Vol 6 No 8 18 Jan '93 The Four Thirty—Two
7
t h e
7-
Sales Slips
Michael Chow
Science Week 1993! Find u sin the Student Union Buildingbetween 10 :30-2 :30 PM onJanuary 18-22, and check ou tall our hot new merchandise.What's the latest new Scienceitem? Science baseball caps !Keep an eye out for even morenew Science wear . Anybodywho is interested in the posi-tion of Sales Manager for thenext academic year, now is th etime to learn the position fromour current Sales Manager,Michael Chow, who has hadthe privilege of working withtwo previous Sales Managers ,Dean Leung and Tim Lam, aswell as receiving assistanc efrom ex-Sales Manager DavidWay. Please feel free to dropby our office at CHEM 160 toinquire about this position .
• BRAND NEW: Wool-suedebaseball caps with a coolembroidered logo! Availablein black or grey. Only$12 .00!
• BRAND NEW: 100% cottonbaseball caps, also with anembroidered logo! Availablein navy or purple. Only$8.50 !
• BELOW COST: 100%-cot-ton embroidered sweatersonly $15! Available in navy ,royal or white . We havecrew-necks and V-necks.Hurry, they're selling fast!
• Have you seen the coolestlooking jackets on campus ?Science jackets: Navy bluemelton, with navy and whiteleather split-sleeves, all foronly $150 (plus aesW.g) .Last chance to order one thi sschool year, deadline :February 17, 1993 .
• Last chance to order a navyScience cardigan for thisschool year. Only $35 (pluscresting), deadline : February17, 1993.
• Computer Science leather-melton jackets! You don' teven need to be majoring inComputer Science, but ifyou want a black leather-melton jacket for only $15 0(plus cresting), place you rorder before February 17,1993 . You can also contactMichael Chow, the SalesManager, using e-mail at<n7a192@rick .cs .ubc .ca> .
• Is your team or club lookin gfor clothing or uniforms?We deal directly with themanufacturers and whole-salers to get you the bes tprices around . Most ordersrequire one week. Compareour prices: 1 dozen, 100%cotton Fruit of the Loomstandard-weight T-shirts ,with a full-front 2-colourlogo, and 2-digit 8-inch
numbers, all for only $13 .50each (all taxes included! )
We sell the newEntertainment '93 CouponBooks. The books arepacked with half-pricecoupons for restaurants, the-atres, sports, attractions, an dmuch more . TheEntertainment book alsooffers 50% off on manyhotels throughout the world.A great way to sampleVancouver's attractions on astudent's budget. All this foronly $42.80 (taxes included) .
• We also sell the new Gold CSavings Spree couponbooks : $12. Use the coupon sto save on merchandise,recreation, movie rentals,and fast food.
• Our Annual Paper Sale is stillon! We sell 200 sheets oflooseleaf for only $0.75 .That's half the price you'llpay at the Bookstore, plus allproceeds will be donated tocharity .
• CONTEST: Write down thename of U.B.C .'s Dean ofScience on a slip of paperalong with your name andphone number, ask a SUScouncil member to sign yourentry and to write down thetime that you submitted yourentry, and to place yourentry in the Sales cashbox(for safekeeping) . SUScouncil members are notallowed to enter . Winnerreceives 50% off an yScience sweatpants, secondplace receives 50% off anyScience T-shirt, third placereceives 50% off a pair ofwhite Science boxer shorts .
Feel free to drop by andcheck out our UBC Scienceclothing display . We are in theChemistry building, room 160.
Circvs Scientificvs
Zain Khandwala
Well, I just got in fromSingapore this morning, onlyto find that the born-with-less-than-half-a-brain imbecilicincompetents who handle lug-gage at the airport had forgot-ten to send my luggage withme, leaving me in sub-zerotemperatures clad in only a T-shirt and jeans . Upon arrivinghome, I received a call inform-ing me that my luggage wasmistakenly sent to Mexico .Fair enough, I figured — afterall, the international airportabbreviation "YVR" doe suncannily seem to say"Mexico City." At first I expe-rienced denial — maybe thiswas a common example of anairline practical joke; however,denial soon gave way to anger— "I can't believe 50 million
McNighties
Carmen McKnigh t
We have tons of stuff orga-nized for Science Week thisyear as many of you alreadyknow. Events for every walkof life. Social, academic, ath-letic, alcoholic . . . you name itwe've got an event for you . Ihope you will get out toScience Week and participate .All week Club andDepartmental displays will bepresent on the SUB Concoursefrom 10 :30 to 2 :30 PM. A RedCross Blood Drive will be tak-ing place Tuesday throughFriday on the SUB Concourse.At lunch hour everyday SUSwill be hosting an open house(free lunch) in Chemistry 160.Pages 4 and 5 show the list ofevents we've got planned forthis year.
We also have a lot of otherstuff happening in Councilright now. Stewart Hung hasresigned from the position ofExecutive Secretary.Nominations are now open forthis position . For more infor-mation come to Chemistry160. The SUS is getting afourth seat on AMS Councilstarting mid-February. Due tothe additional council seat weneed to amend the constitutionto reflect the new position . Thecurrent plan is to give the newAMS seat to the Director o fPublications, although addingit to Finance's duties is anothe rpossibility . (ed: AAAAAA!)
We also want to make som eamendments to the constitutionin terms of the structure andthe duties of the Executive .See the Proposed constitution -al amendments for morespecific information . If youhave your own ideas we'dappreciate your input .
dollars of our tax money hasjust gone to bailing out thisrotten @#$%ing scum-infestedairline company that doesn' teven serve good peanuts!!! "These feelings soon turned tojealousy — I mean, whycouldn't they have sent m yluggage to Vancouver and MEto Mexico City instead — Icould deal with that. Anyway ,I was finally at the point ofacceptance of the fate of myluggage, when I receivedanother call at about 10:00 PMthis evening: "We're sorry Mr .Khandwala, but we regret toinform you that your luggag ehas been sent from Mexico toIran." What??? "YVR???""Tehran???" How the hell . . .?
Anyway, that's enoughventing for now. The point ofthis whole story is that some o fyou now have sports rebatesfilled out and waiting to be
AMS BriefsJanice Boyle
There was another mentallystimulating AMS councilmeeting Wednesday night .Thankfully, it was brief (2 1/2hours), and we didn't run ou tof food . The agenda was fairl ymundane, so here is a brie fsynopsis . We approved travelgrants for two organization sand appointed an all newHiring Committee (whic hincluded me, increasing m yrecord to an all-time high ofeight committees). Yeah, Iknow . . .I'm stll trying to figureout whether it's brains or stu-pidity that motivates me, andI'm starting to lean towards th elatter.
Martin Ertl, our esteemed"Little Tyrant", informedcouncil that the AMS has ham-mered out an equitable dealwith the University administra-tion . Talk about surprisingnews. Maybe students haveclout after all. I guess we'llfind out more conclusively onThursday, January 21, whenthe Board of Governorsdecides on our tuition increase.
claimed in Iran. By the way ,while you're there I'd appreci-ate it if you'd each bring banksome of my clothes — especial -ly the winter stuff and my ten-nis racquet. Thanks.
Actually, almost all of yourfirst term rebates are complet-ed and waiting to be picked upat the AMS Business office onthe second floor of the SUB .To pick them up, simply tellthe person at the counter thatyou're expecting a SUS SportsRebate and tell them yourname. You'll need to presentphoto ID, and then you'llreceive your cash or cheque ,depending on the amount o fthe rebate .
Right now I'm working onrevising and standardizing thepolicy for rebate applicationsand disbursements for thisterm. There will probably be acouple significant changes for
If you haven't seen me inyour classes distributing post-cards and petitions against the18% increase, and, you haven'talready signed them, come tothe SUS office or the AMSExecutive offices to check itout . We have less than a weekto go, so. . .
If you have forgotten yoursunglasses today, my heartbleeds for you . The AMS elec-tions are in full swing, and theneon monster has attackedcampus . There are someimportant issues being dis-cussed in this year's campaign ,so take a critical look at who i srunning, and VOTE !
An emergency AMS meet-ing was called for Friday ,January 15, so that JasonSaunderson could present hisUbyssey petition to council .This means that there wil lprobably be a referendumquestion asking whether or notstudents want to continuefunding the Ubyssey. This isone to think about .
I've had more than enoughserious stuff for awhile, sountil next issue . . .
most of you, and I'll discussthem all in the next issue —probably .
Other than that, I'm morethan pleased with science par-ticipation and competitionnumbers for the first term ,which put us ahead of the packin both Women and Men spor tpoints competition . Keep upthe good work, and don't for -get about the year-end SUSSports Banquet — date andlocation to be announced.You'll be able to fill in yourforms to claim individual sportpoints as soon as I get themdone and distributed, whichshould be sometime within th enext two weeks or so .
Well I'm off to theairport to do some heavy dutywhining for some sort of cashreimbursement or somethingso I can by another ski jacke tand a pair of shoes . Later. . .
FirstYearStudentsCommittee
The Science Undergraduate Societyinvites First Year Science students toapply for the new First Year Student sCommittee .Nomination forms are available in
Chemistry 160, and the deadline fo rapplication is January 25, 1993 .
For information, please contactChris Sing at 822 4235 or 822 6101 .
8
The Four Thirty-Two Vol 6 No 8 18 Ian '93
Skiing the Forest for the Tree s
Ahh . The start of secondterm. That lovely time of yearwhen a man's fancy turns tothoughts of how much he' sreally gonna turn it on thisterm and pull all of his marksout of the mud by April . That ,and what he's gonna do thisweekend, `cuz hey, it `s onlyJanuary, I' ve got all term yet. . .
Famous last words. 'Ti strue, however, that people tra-ditionally spend January doingjust about anything exceptstudying . In fact, I'm almostconvinced that the sixth forcein the universe that physicist shave been trying to discoverfor years is really theProcrastinatory Force . I thinkit might actually be associatedwith the concept of friction — i topposes motion of any kind ,and it's absolutely inescapable .I mean, there's always plentyof time to do that lab after, forinstance, a movie, or the SuperBowl, or a bike ride, right?And on those days whe nyou've actually planned to geta little work done, somethingmore intriguing invariablypops up . It happens to every -one . Especially when you'refaced with a pile of paperworkthat, deep down, you'd reallyrather burn for heat than actu-ally work on, and suddenly alittle voice inside your headsays, Hey, I wonder what's inthis drawer? Three hours later ,you've only done one ques -
lion, but your desk is ornatel ydecorated with several hundredpaper clip sculptures, you'vefashioned a wickedly bounc ylittle ball out of rubber cement ,and you've Silly-Putlied everypiece of printed material insight . Nothing like a desk job .
Personally, my favorite formof mid-winter academicstalling is downhill skiing .Somehow, it helps me to rela xand apply myself better to m ywork. I think this might havesomething to do with the factthat I always manage to sub -consciously scare the liver outof myself doing it, making anice safe session of enzymekinetics problems sound all themore inviting .
Admittedly, skiing is arather odd sport. There'ssomething in the self-preserva-tion portion of the brain thatsays, "Flying down a steepincline on a pair of slipperytwo-by-fours is not conduciv eto good health ." (But, thenagain, there's something equal-ly unnatural about knocking alittle white ball around for fourmiles and chasing after it try-ing to hit a hole in the groun dfour inches wide, and skiing' smore fun.) For those of yo uwho don't actually partake inthe sport, suffice it to say thatthere are a few cardinal rulesto remember when out on theslopes, should you actuall yventure forth one of thesedays:1 . Snow is your friend. Forget
everything you ever learnedabout snow being a usefu land versatile weapon whenyou were a kid. The key
thing to remember here i sthat the snow is by far th esoftest, most hospitablesubstance on the entire hill .If you're going to collidewith something, doeverything within yourpower to ensure that tha tsomething is white andfluffy . Luckily, this isn' thard, as most of the groundis usually covered in it .Under no circumstance sassume that a tree / chairlifttower / big fat guy onRossignols will prove asuitable alternative . Ren andStimpy bounce off thingsrather well . You will not .
2. Gravity is not your friend .Gravity on a ski hill is athing to be held in the sameregard as a bottle of Jac kDaniels . Used sparingly, i tcan be an endless source offun and enjoyment . Let it ge tout of hand and you'll be allover the place in a biiiiiighurry .
Never use more than you canhandle. Well, almost never .(About the only time youshould actually try to use atree for brakes is when theonly alternative is any morethan ten feet of sheer,undiluted and rapidlyapproaching gravity . )
3. Never drink while skiing .You might hit a bump an dspill your drink . Drink onthe lift instead .
4. Rocks . Don' t ski on them .Don ' t ski into them . Try realhard not to ski under them.Ski off them. 'Nuff said .
doesn't mean you won' tneed yer long johns. Trustme, frostbite really sucks.(And do me a personal favor— don't buy a $1200 suit thatlooks like a high-speedaccident involving a PizzaHut van and the JeffersonAirplane tour bus, like someof these tourists do. The yreally look disgusting . )
6. It's all in the rhythm .Skiing becomes a lot of funonce you get the righ trhythm going . As you schussmerrily down the slopes, youmay find that singing a tuneto yourself helps you ge tinto the groove. Stick tosomething upbeat — I likeSatriani for powder ,Fishbone for mogul skiing .Artists to stay away from :
Little Richard — too muchscreaming involved.Someone might think you'reeither barking mad orhorribly out of control .
James Brown — someone willthink you're barking mad .
Madonna — hip sways, pelvi cthrusts and excessively bow -legged stance will throw youoff balance and into thetrees.
Ice Cube — violent ,provocative lyrics will inciteyou to drive your pole cleanthrough the next buttheadthat cuts you off.
Michael Bolton —uncontrollable tears willfreeze to your face. Mostuncomfortable.
Bee Gees — well, for obviousreasons .
So the next time you feel thatthe weekend just isn't going tobe one of those beehives ofacademic activity, go skiing .Who knows — you might getlucky and overuse gravity in abig way, and there's nothingthat can cure the homeworkblues like extended medicalleave . Happy plummeting !
Jan . 22 : Great Purple Earth Band , TBC . Jan. 21 : solo act .
St S E,teetilI e I•;lection s
Nominations Open February I . 1993
POSH IONS \
President : I s the main
1 , 0 1 1 1 for the uKict ;
e ' r talking Ili h
pcoplc here) . pride, ov CI general Intl council nice time, of the strict )
open i,e, and dine', the duties of the e\ciWi\ e :oxl eouniil . Me president i ,
bae,,di the head hone he and gencralh pct, bl :urnd foi eectvthin :l that goc ,
Internal Vice President : Co on)ITh cs ;irulentie III tindike the Teat h]I 1
Rey isi. . and the I,1 .011n_ l :veelkIl A"anll . chair, the I
l car Sul.lcnt,'
Comnnuec, Hots the cic.lion, : and i, senetalh one of the mote or !.aninll o f
the e lte c
h;\ternal Vice President : Au, a,, a liaison hehAcen oiii r Farnitic . Au ,
the duel \\1S ,poke,pelson lot the St Son .\\IS Council . Coordinates
Seam,: \Veek .
Director of Publications : Is in •harry of cn,urinr that the 412 . the Guide an d
the Teaching E.\ .141,111011 get published . .Althuu h this person doe, not hair t o
do all the cork Ihenl,ehrs stoic puhlici1iun, e~petienre may he of \ ;llue .
Evecuti' e Secretary : Keep, all the learnt, of the socicl) . is responsible fo r
all eorrspondenre of the soticty, prepares the minutes and agendas of St_ S
and also
on .A\IS council .
Director of Finance : handle, all the Hume (if the SI S . This job requires a
ora,p of accounting pinciplcs and an ability to play the hem n hen it conie s
to request, for monc\ . Also sits on .A\IS Council .Sports Director : St lent,: students alee a lone to he let Wiled Ith a', 1111 ,1',
intramural ,lion,. Short, Director is in charge olorg iin/Ing the Tons reps a s
a ell as the ,posh ',Mate, . Spoils is one of the Ito pat St_ S budget items.
\I;1\ TIIIS \'E .\R! :
Public Relations Officer : Ensures that the [ nlplo\nlcnt Rep . the Chant s
( 'oordinaior . and the Sponsorship Coordinatorpo:itions are lilted and i n
action . Is an .\\1S Rep for the St S .
Social Coordinator : Takes care ol ot,, :uli/ing all ol the social acti\ hies of th e
St S . inrludiii the A\ inc and Cheese . the AG\1 . the Sport Banque! . the
Dance, and the lacer (i ;odcn, . This position also iiiohcs being the booking
1 .pic, .nlali\ .l,r the St S .
Nominations ('lose Februar} Sth at 6 :00 pm .
Nomination Forms are Mailable at the St S Offic e
and must be returned to Patrick Lunt,
Elections Commissioner .
Thea Koerner House (grad centre), 6371 Crescent Road, 822-8954
most Fridays (8 pm) in Thea's (open Fridays from 5 p .m.)
Koerner's has food from 4:30 p.m. to 8 :30, daily beverage specials
pool ladder & movie night Mon., dartsnight Tues., bridge Wed, &
large TV for SUPERBOWL & other shows.no cover, all welcome.
Thurs. (7 :30) and some Fridays (8 pm) in Koerner' s
DishPig (killer blues band, danceable) , TBC .
folk 5 :00 (Karin King, Colleen Eccleston, Tammy Fassaert, more), jazz 7 :30
(Jars Band & guests), blues 9 :00 (DishPig & 'am) ., ruck 111 :30 (\o dames Mentioned & The Flu) .
Feb. 11-12: The PaperBoys (danceable celtic rock
Nessus (progressive rock), Koerner's
Feb . 22—26 : jazz festival week, various acts at Koerner's
Feb. 26, 7 p .m .—12 : 6.100,
& 3 oth . acts, Banquet Rm ., tix mail . Feb . 1 .
DON'T PANIC !AMS WORD PROCES
will do it for you !• on campus• lowest professional rate in the lower mainlan d• familiar with APA/MLA and thesis requirement s
Room 60, Student Union Building • 822-5640Mon-Thu : 9am - 6pm Friday: 9am - 5pm
