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THENIGHTOFTHELONGKNIVES
ByFRITZLEIBER
ILLUSTRATEDbyFINLAY
CHAPTER1
_Anymanwhosawyou,orevenheardyourfootstepsmustbeambushed,stalkedandkilled,whetherneededforfoodornot.Otherwise,solongashisstrengthheldout,hewouldbeonyourtrail._
--TheTwenty-FifthHour,_byHerbertBest_
IwasonehundredmilesfromNowhere--andImeanthatliterally--whenIspottedthisgirloutofthecornerofmyeye.I'dbeenkeepinganextralookoutbecauseIstillexpectedtheotherundeadbuggerleftoverfromthemurderpartyatNowheretobestalkingme.
[Illustration:Theyweretwodesperatescavengersinano-man'slandofradiationanddeath.]
I'dbeenfollowingalineofhigh-voltagetowersallcantedoveratthesamegentlemanlytipsyanglebyanoldblastfromtheLastWar.Ijudgedthegirlwasgoinginthesamegeneraldirectionandwasbeingedgedovertowardmycoursebyadriftofdustthatevenatmydistanceshoweddangerousmetallicgleamsanddarkhumpsthatmightbedeadmenorcattle.
Shelookedslim,darktopped,andonguard.Smalllikemeandlikemewearingascarflooselyaroundthelowerhalfofherfaceinthestyle
oftheoldbuckaroos.
Wedidn'twaveorturnourheadsorgivetheslightestindicationwe'dseeneachotherasourpathsslowlyconverged.Butwewereintensely,minutelywatchful--IknewIwasandshehadbetterbe.
Overheadtheskywasalowdusthaze,asalways.Idon'trememberwhatahighskylookslike.ThreeyearsagoIthinkIsawVenus.OritmayhavebeenSiriusorJupiter.
Thehotsmokylightwasturningfromtheamberofmiddaytothebloodybronzeofevening.
ThelineoftowersIwasfollowingshowedthefaintestspreadinthedirectionoftheircanting--theymusthavebeenonlyafewmilesfromblastcenter.AsIpassedeachoneIcouldseewherethemetalontheblastsidehadbeeneroded--vaporizedbytheoriginalblast,mostlysmoothly,butwithweltsandpustuleswherethemetalhadmerelymeltedandrun.Isupposedthelinesthetowerscarriedhadallbeenvaporizedtoo,butwiththehazeIcouldn'tbesure,thoughIdidseethreedarkblobsuptherethatmightbevulturesperching.
Fromthedriftaroundthefootofthenearesttowerahumanskullpeered
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whitely.Thatisratherunusual.Yearslaternowyoustillseemoredeadbodieswiththemeatonthemthanskeletons.Intenseradiationhaskilledtheirbacteriaandpreservedthemindefinitelyfromdecay,justlikethepackagedmeatinthelastadvertisements.Infactsuchbodiesareoneofthesignsofareallyhotdrift--youavoidthem.Thevulturespassupsuchpoisonouslyhotcarriontoo--they'velearnedtheirlesson.
Aheadsomebiggastanksbegantoloomup,likedeformedbattleshipsandflat-topsinasmokescreen,theirprowsbeingthejunctureofthenaturalcurveoftheoff-blastsidewiththemassiveconcavityoftheon-blastside.
NoneofthethreeotherbuggersandmehadhadtooclearanideaofwhereNowherehadbeen--hence,inpart,thename--butIknewinageneralwaythatIwassomewhereintheDeathlandsbetweenPorterCountyandOuachitaParish,probablymuchnearertheformer.
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It'sarealmixed-upAmericawe'vegotthesedays,youknow,withjustthefaintesttrickleofasenseofidentityleft,likeaguyinthepaddedestcellinthemostlockedupwardinthewholeloonybin.IfatimetravelerfrommidTwentiethCenturyhoppedforwardtoitacrossthefewinterveningyearsandlookedatamapofit,ifanybodyhasamapof
it,he'dthinkthatthemaphadrun--thatithadgotsomesortofdiseasethathadswollenafewtinypartsbeyondallbounds,papertumors,whilemostoftheotherparts,thepartsherememberedcarryingnamesinsuchbigprintandshowingsuchboldcolors,hadshrunktonothingness.
Totheeasthe'dseeAtlanticHighlandsandSavannahFortress.Tothewest,WallaWallaTerritory,PacificPalisades,andLosAlamos--andtherehe'dseeanactualchangeinthecoastline,I'mtold,wherethreeofthebiggeststockpilesoffusionablesletgoandopenedDeathValleytothesea--sothatLosAlamosisclosertobeingaport.Centrallyhe'dfindPorterCountyandMantenoAsylumsurprisinglyclosetogetherneartheGreatLakes,whicharetiltedandspilledoutabittowardthe
southwestwiththebigquake.South-centrally:OuachitaParishinchinguptheMississippifromoldLouisianaunderthecruelurgingoftheFisherSheriffs.
Thosehe'dfindandafew,averyfewotherplaces,includingacoupleIsupposeIhaven'theardof.Practicallyallofthemwouldsurprisehim--noonecanpredictwhatscrapsofablastednationaregoingtohangontoashredoforganizationandruthlesslymaintainitandveryslowlyandveryjealouslyextendit.
Butbiggestofall,occupyingpracticallyallthemap,reducingallthoseswollenlocalitiesI'vementionedbacktotinyblobs,boundingmostofAmericaandthrustingitsjettypseudopodseverywhere,he'dsee
thegreatinkblotoftheDeathlands.Idon'tknowhowelsethanbyanareaofsolid,absolutelyunrelievedblackyou'drepresenttheDeathlandswithitsmulticoloredradioactivedustsanditsskimpyfreightageoflonelyDeathlanders,eachboundonhismurderous,utterlypointless,bututterlyabsorbingbusiness--anareawherenameslikeNowhere,It,Anywhere,andthePlacearethemostnaturalthingintheworldwhenafewofusdecidetotrytopaddowntogetherforafewnervousmonthsorweeks.
AsIsay,IwassomewhereintheDeathlandsnearMantenoAsylum.
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Thegirlandmeweregettingclosernow,wellwithinpistolordartrangethoughbeyondanybutthemostexpertorluckyknifethrow.Sheworebootsandaweatheredlong-sleevedshirtandjeans.Theblacktoppingwashair,piledhighinanelaboratecoiffurethatwasheldinplacebytwistedshavingsofbrightmetal.Afinebug-trap,Itoldmyself.
Inherlefthand,whichwasclosesttome,shecarriedadartgun,pointedawayfromme,acrossherbody.Itwasthekindofpotenttinycrossbowyoucan'teasilytellwhetherthespringisloaded.Backaroundonherlefthipasmallleathersatchelwasstrappedtoherbelt.Alsoonthesamesideweretwosheathedknives,oneofwhichwasanoddity--ithadnohandle,justthebaretang.Fornothingbutthrowing,Iguessed.
IletmyownlefthanddriftalittleclosertomyBanker'sSpecialinitsopenholster--RayBaker'sgreatpsychologicalweapon,though(whoknows?)thetwo.38cartridgesitcontainedmightactuallyfire.TheoneI'dputtothetestatNowherehad,andveryluckyforme.
Sheseemedtobehidingherrightarmfromme.ThenIspottedtheweapon
itheld,oneyoudon'toftensee,astevedore'shook.She_was_hidingherrighthand,allright,shehadthelongsleevepulleddownoveritsojustthehookstuckout.Iaskedmyselfifthehandwereperhapscoveredwithradiationscarsorsoresorotherwisedisfigured.WeDeathlandershaveourvanities.I'msensitiveaboutmybaldness.
ThensheletherrightarmswingmorefreelyandIsawhowshortitwas.Shehadnorighthand.Thehookwasattachedtothewriststump.
Ijudgedshewasabouttenyearsyoungerthanme.I'mpushingforty,Ithink,thoughsomepeoplehavejudgedI'myounger.Nowayofmyknowingforsure.Inthislifeyouforgettrifleslikechronology.
Anyway,theagedifferencemeantshewouldhavequickerreflexes.I'dhavetokeepthatinmind.
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ThegreenishlyglintingdustdriftthatI'djudgedshewasavoidingswungcloserahead.Thegirl'sleftelbowgavealittlekicktothesatchelonherhipandtherewasasuddenburstofirregularticksthatalmostmademestart.IsteadiedmyselfandconcentratedonthinkingwhetherIshouldattachanyspecialsignificancetohercarryingaGeigercounter.Naturallyitwasn'tthesortofthinkingthatinterferedinanywaywithmywatchfulness--youquicklylosethehabitofthatkindofthinkingintheDeathlandsoryoulosesomethingelse.
Itcouldmeanshewassomesortofgreenhorn.Mostofusold-timerscanvisuallyjudgetheheatofadustdriftorcraterorrayedareamorereliablythananyinstrument.Somebuggersclaimtheyjustfeelit,thoughI'veneverknownanyofthelattertooeagertonavigateinunfamiliarcountryatnight--whichyou'dthinkthey'dbewillingtodoiftheycouldfeelheatblind.
Butshedidn'tlookonebitlikeatenderfoot--likeforinstancesomecitizenessnewlybanishedfromManteno.OrlikesomePorterburgher's
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unfaithfulwifeortroublesomegirlfriendwhomhe'dpersonallycartedoutbeyondtheridgesofcleaned-outhotdustthathelpguardsuchplaces,andthenabandonedinrevengeorfromboredom--andtheycallthemselvescivilized,thoseculturalqueers!
No,shelookedlikeshe_belonged_intheDeathlands.Butthenwhythecounter?
Hereyesmightbebad,realbad.Ididn'tthinkso.Sheraisedherbootanextrainchtostepoveralittlejaggedfragmentofconcrete.No.
Maybeshewasjustaborndouble-checker,usingsciencetobackupknowledgebasedonexperienceasrichasmyownorricher.I'vemetthesuper-carefultypebefore.Theymostlygetalongprettywell,buttheytendtobeashadetooslowintheclutches.
Maybeshewas_testing_thecounter,planningtouseitsomeotherwayortradeitforsomething.
Maybeshemadeapracticeoftravelingbynight!Thenthecountermadegoodsense.Butthenwhyuseitbyday?Whyrevealittomeinanycase?
Wasshetryingtoconvincemethatshewasagreenhorn?Orhadshehopedthatthesuddennoisewouldthrowmeoffguard?Butwhowouldgotothe
troubleofcarryingaGeigercounterforsuchdeviouspurposes?Andwouldn'tshehavewaiteduntilwegotcloserbeforetryingthenoisegambit?
Think-shmink--itgetsyounowhere!
Shekickedoffthecounterwithanotherbumpofherelbowandstartedtoedgeintowardmefaster.Iturnedthethinkingalloffandgavemywholemindtowatchfulness.
Soonwewerebarelymorethaneightfeetapart,almostwithinlungingrangewithouteventhepreliminaryone-twostep,andstillwehadn'tspokenorlookedstraightateachother,thoughbeingthatclosewe'd
hadtocantourheadsaroundabittokeepeachotherinperipheralvision.Oureyeswouldbeoneachothersteadilyforfiveorsixseconds,thendartforwardaninstanttocheckforrocksandholesinthetrailwewerefollowinginparallel.Aculturalqueerfromoneofthe"civilized"placeswouldhavefounditfunny,Isuppose,ifhe'dbeenabletowatchusperforminanarenaorfrombehindarmorglassforhisexclusivepleasure.
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Thegirlhadeyebrowsasblackasherhair,whichinitspiled-upandmetal-knottedsavagerycalledtomindAfricanqueensdespitehertypicalpalecomplexion--verylittleultravioletgetsthroughthedust.Fromthe
insidecornerofherrighteyesocketanarrowradiationscarranupbetweenhereyebrowsandacrossherforeheadatarakishangleuntilitdisappearedunderasweepofhairattheupperleftcornerofherforehead.
I'dbeensmellingher,ofcourse,forsometime.
Icouldeventellthecolorofhereyesnow.Theywereblue.It'sacoloryouneversee.Almostnodustshaveabluishcast,therearefewblueobjectsexceptcertaindarksteels,theskynevergetsveryfar
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awayfromtheorangerange,thoughitisgreenfromtimetotime,andwaterreflectsthesky.
Yes,shehadblueeyes,blueeyesandthatjauntyscar,blueeyesandthatjauntyscarandadartgunandasteelhookforarighthand,andwewerewalkingsidebyside,eightfeetapart,notaninchcloser,stillnotlookingstraightateachother,stillnotsayingaword,andIrealizedthattheinitialperiodofunadulteratedwatchfulnesswasover,thatI'dhadadequateopportunitytoinspectthisgirlandsizeherup,andthatnightwascomingonfast,andthathereIwas,onceagain,backwith_theproblemofthetwourges_.
Icouldtryeithertokillherorgotobedwithher.
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Iknowthatatthispointtheculturalqueers(andcertainlyourimaginarytimetravelerfrommidTwentiethCentury)wouldmakeagreatnoiseaboutnotunderstandingandnotbelievinginthegenuinenessofthesimpleurgetomurderthatgovernsthelivesofusDeathlanders.Likedetective-storypundits,theywouldsaythatamanorwomanmurdersforgain,orconcealmentofcrime,orfromthwartedsexualdesireoroutragedsexualpossessiveness--andmaybetheywouldlistafewother"rational"motives--butnot,theywouldsay,justforthesimplesakeof
murder,forthesurereleaseandreliefitgives,forthesakeofwipingoutonerecognizablebitmore(theclosestbitwecan,sincethoseofuswiththecourageorlazyrationalitytowipeoutourselveshavelongsincedoneso)--wipingoutonerecognizablebitmoreofthewholemiserable,unutterablydisgustinghumanmess.Unless,theywouldsay,apersoniscompletelyinsane,whichisactuallyhowalloutsidersviewusDeathlanders.Theycanthinkofusinnootherway.
Iguessculturalqueersandtimetravelerssimply_don't_understand,thoughtobesoblinditseemstomethattheyhavetooverlookmuchofthehistoryoftheLastWarandofthesubsequentyears,especiallythemushroomingofcrackpotcultswithamurdertinge:thewerewolfgangs,theBerserkersandAmuckers,therevivalofShivaworshipandtheBlack
Mass,themachinewreckers,thekill-the-killersmovements,thenewwitchcraft,theUnholyCreepers,theUnconsciousers,theradioactivebluegodsandrocketdevilsoftheAtomites,andadozenothergroupingsclearlyprefiguringDeathlanderpsychology.ThosecultshadallbeenasunpredictableasThuggeeortheDancingMadnessoftheMiddleAgesortheChildren'sCrusade,yettheyhadhappenedjustthesame.
Butculturalqueersaregoodatoverlookingthings.Theyhavetobe,Isuppose.Theythinkthey'rehumanitygrowingagain.Yes,despitetheirlaughablewarpednessandhystericalcrippledness,theyactuallybelieve--eachhowlinglydifferentcommunityofthem--thatthey'rethenewAdamsandEves.They'reallexcitedaboutthemselvesandwhetherornottheywearfigleaves.Theydon'tcarrywiththem,twenty-fourhours
aday,likeusDeathlandersdo,theburdenofallthatwasforeverlost.
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SinceI'vegonethisfarI'llgoabitfurtherandmaketheparadoxicaladmissionthatevenusDeathlandersdon'treallyunderstandoururgetomurder.Oh,wehaveourrationalizationsofit,justlikeeveryonehasofhisrulingpassion--wecallourselvesjunkmen,scavengers,gangrenesurgeons;wesometimesbelievewe'redoingthepersonwekilltheultimatekindness,yesandgetslobberytearfulaboutitafterwards;we
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sometimestellourselveswe'vefinallyfoundandarerubbingouttheonemanorwomanwhowasresponsibleforeverything;wetalk,mostlytoourselves,abouttheaestheticsofhomicide;weoccasionallyadmit,butonlyeachtohimselfalone,thatwe'rejustplainnuts.
Butwedon'treallyunderstandoururgetomurder,weonly_feel_it.
Atthehatefulsightofanotherhumanbeing,wefeelitbeginstogrowinusuntilitbecomesanoverpoweringimpulsethatjerksus,likeapuppetisjerkedbyitsstrings,intotheactitselforitsattemptedcommission.
LikeIwasfeelingitgrowinmenowaswedidthisparalleldeathmarchthroughthereddeninghaze,meandthisgirlandourproblem.Thisgirlwiththeblueeyesandthejauntyscar.
Theproblemofthe_two_urges,Isaid.Theotherurge,thesexual,isonethatIknowallculturalqueers(andcertainlyourtimetraveler)wouldclaimtoknowallabout.Maybetheydo.ButIwonderiftheyunderstandhowintenseitcanbewithusDeathlanderswhenit'stheonlyrelease(exceptmaybeliquoranddrugs,whichweseldomcangetandevenmorerarelydareuse)--theonlycompleterelease,eventhoughabriefone,fromtheoverpoweringlonelinessandfromthetyrannyoftheurgetokill.
Toembrace,topossess,toglutluston,yesevenbrieflytolove,brieflytoshelterin--thatwasgood,thatwasareliefandreleasetobetreasured.
Butitcouldn'tlast.Youcoulddrawitout,propitupperhapsforafewdays,foramontheven(thoughsometimesnotforasinglenight)--youmightevenstarttotalktoeachotheralittle,afterawhile--butitcouldneverlast.Theglandsalwaystire,ifnothingelse.
Murderwastheonly_final_solution,theonly_permanent_release.OnlyusDeathlandersknowhowgooditfeels.Butthenafterthekillthelonelinesswouldcomeback,redoubled,andafterawhileI'dmeet
anotherhatefulhuman...
_Our_problemofthetwourges.AsIwatchedthisgirlsloggingalongparalleltome,asIkeptconstantwatchonherofcourse,Iwonderedhow_she_wasfeelingthetwourges.Wassheattractedtotheridgyscarsonmycheekshalfrevealedbymyscarf?--tometheyhaveapleasingsymmetry.Wasshewonderinghowmyheadandfacelookedwithouttheblackfeltskullcaplow-visoredovermyeyes?Orwasshethinkingmostlyofthathookswingingintomythroatunderthechinanddraggingmedown?
Icouldn'ttell.Shelookedaspoker-facedasIwastryingto.
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Forthatmatter,Iaskedmyself,howwas_I_feelingthetwourges?--howwasIfeelingthemasIwatchedthisgirlwiththeblueeyesandthejauntyscarandthearrogantlythinnedlipsthataskedtobesmashed,andtheslenderthroat?--andIrealizedthattherewasnowaytodescribethat,noteventomyself.Icouldonlyfeelthetwourgesgrowinme,sidebyside,likemonstroustwins,untiltheywouldsimplybetoobigformytautbodyandoneofthemwouldhavetogetoutfast.
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Idon'tknowwhichoneofusstartedtoslowdownfirst,ithappenedsogradually,butthedustpuffsthatrisefromthegroundoftheDeathlandsundereventhelightesttreadingbecamesmallerandsmalleraroundourstepsandfinallyvanishedaltogether,andwewerestandingstill.OnlythendidInoticetheobviousphysicaltriggerforourstopping.Anoldfreewayranatrightanglesacrossourpath.Theshoulderbywhichwe'dapproacheditwassharplyeroded,sothatthepavement,whichevenhadashallowcaveerodedunderit,wasagoodthreefeetabovethelevelofourpath,formingalowwall.FromwhereI'dstoppedIcouldalmostreachoutandtouchtherough-edgedsmooth-toppedconcrete.Socouldshe.
Wewererightinthemidstofthegastanksnow,sixorsevenofthemtoweredaroundus,squeezedlikebeercansbythedecade-oldblastbuttheirmetallookingsoundenoughuntilyoubecameawareoftheredlightshowingthroughinoddpatternsofdotsanddasheswherevaporizationorlatererosionhadbeencomplete.Almostbutnotquitelace-work.Justaheadofus,rightacrossthefreeway,wasthesix-storeyskeletalstructureofanoldcrackingplant,saggedlikethepowertowersawayfromtheblastandthelowerstoreysdriftedwithpilesandridgesandsmoothgobbetsofdust.
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Thelightwasgettingredderandsmokiereveryminute.
Withthecessationofthephysicalmovementofwalking,whichisalwayssomesortofreleaseforemotions,Icouldfeelthetwinurgesgrowingfasterinme.Butthatwasallright,Itoldmyself--thiswasthecrisis,asshemustrealizetoo,andthatshouldkeyusuptobeartheurgesalittlelongerwithoutexplosion.
Iwasthefirsttostarttoturnmyhead.ForthefirsttimeIlookedstraightintohereyesandsheintomine.Andasalwayshappensatsuchtimes,athirdurgeappearedabruptly,anurgemomentarilyasstrongastheothertwo--theurgetospeak,totellandaskallaboutit.ButevenasIstartedtophrasethefirstcrazilyhappygreeting,mythroat
lumped,asI'dknownitwould,withtheawfulmelancholyofallthatwasforeverlost,withtheuselessnessofanycommunication,withtheimpossibilityofrecreatingthepast,ourindividualpasts,anypasts.Andasitalwaysdoes,thethirdurgedied.
Icouldtellshewasfeelingthatultimatepainjustlikeme.Icouldseehereyelidssqueezedownonhereyesandherfaceliftandhershouldersgobackassheswallowedhard.
Shewasthefirsttostarttolayasideaweapon.Shetooktwosidewisestepstowardthefreewayandreachedherwholeleftarmfurtheracrossherbodyandlaidthedartgunontheconcreteanddrewbackherhandfromitaboutsixinches.Atthesametimelookingatmehard--fiercely
angrily,you'dsay--acrossherleftshoulder.Shehadtheexperiencedduelist'strickofseemingtolookintomyeyesbutactuallyfocussingonmymouth.Iwasusingthesamegimmickmyself--it'stiringtolookstraightintoanotherperson'seyesanditcanputyouoffguard.
MyleftsidewasnearestthewallsoIdidn'tforthemomenthavetheproblemofreachingacrossmybody.Itookthesamesidewisestepsshehadandusingjusttwofingers,verygingerly--_disarmingly_,Ihoped--Iliftedmyantiquefirearmfromitsholsterandlaiditontheconcreteanddrewbackmyhandfromitalltheway.Nowitwasuptoheragain,
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orshouldbe.Herhookwasgoingtobequiteaproblem,Irealized,butweneedn'tcometoitrightaway.
Shetemporizedbysuccessivelyunsheathingthetwoknivesatherleftsideandlayingthembesidethedartgun.Thenshestoppedandherlooktoldmeplainlythatitwasuptome.
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NowIamabuggerwhobelievesincarrying_oneperfectknife_--otherwise,Iknowforafact,you'llgoknife-happyandendupbyweighingyourselfdownwithdozens,literally.SoIamnaturallyveryreluctanttogetoutoftouchinanywaywithMother,whoisalittlerustyalongthesidesbutmadeofthetoughestandmostsharpenablealloysteelI'veeverrunacross.
Still,Iwasmostcurioustofindoutwhatshe'ddoaboutthathook,soIfinallylaidMotherontheconcretebesidethe.38andrestedmyhandslightlyonmyhips,allreadytoenjoymyself--atleastIhopedIgavethatimpression.
Shesmiled,itwasalmostanicesmile--bynowwe'dletourscarvesdropsinceweweren'traisinganymoredust--andthenshetookholdofthehookwithherlefthandandstartedtounscrewitfromthe
leather-and-metalbasefittingoverherstump.
Ofcourse,Itoldmyself.Andhersecondknife,theonewithoutagrip,mustbethatwaysoshecouldscrewitstangintothebasewhenshewantedaknifeonherrighthandinsteadofahook.Ioughttohaveguessed.
Igrinnedmyadmirationofhermechanicalingenuityandimmediatelyunhitchedmyknapsackandlaiditbesidemyweapons.Thenathoughtoccurredtome.Iopenedtheknapsackandmovingmyhandslowlyandveryopenlysoshe'dhavenoreasontosuspectaruse,Idrewoutablanketand,tryingtoshowherbothsidesofitintheprocess,asifIwereperformingsomedamnedconjuringtrick,droppeditgentlyontheground
betweenus.
Sheunsnappedthestrapsonhersatchelthatfastenedittoherbeltandlaiditasideandthenshetookoffherbelttoo,slowlydrawingitthroughthewideloopsofweathereddenim.Thenshelookedmeaningfullyatmybelt.
Ihadtoagreewithher.Belts,especiallyheavy-buckledoneslikeours,canbenastyweapons.Iremovedmine.Simultaneouslyeachbeltjoineditscorrespondingpileofweaponsandotherbelongings.
Sheshookherhead,notinanysortofnegation,andranherfingersintotheblackhairatseveralpoints,toshowmeithidnoweapon,then
lookedatmequestioningly.InoddedthatIwassatisfied--Ihadn'tseenanythingrunoutofit,bytheway.Thenshelookedupatmyblackskullcapandsheraisedhereyebrowsandsmiledagain,thistimewithaspiceofmockinganticipation.
InsomewaysIhatetopartwiththatheadpiecemorethanIdowithMother.Notreallybecauseofitssandwichedlead-meshinnerlining--iftherayshaven'tbakedmybrainyettheyneverwillandI'msurethatthepatchesofleadmeshsewedintomypantsovermyloinsgivealotmorepracticalprotection.ButIwasgettingrealattractedtothisgirl
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bynowandtherearetimeswhenapersonmustmakeasacrificeofhisvanity.Iwhippedoffmystylishblackfeltandtosseditonmypileanddaredhertolaughatmyshinyeggtop.
Strangelyshedidn'tevensmile.Shepartedherlipsandranhertonguealongtheupperone.Igaveaneagergrininreply,anincautiouslywideone,andshesawmyplatesflash.
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Myplatesaresomethingratherspecialthoughtheyarebynomeansunique.BacktowardtheendoftheLastWar,whenitwasobvioustoanyrealisthowbadthingsweregoingtobe,thoughnothowstrangelyterrible,anumberofpeople,likemyself,hadalltheirteethjerkedandreplacedwithdurableplates.Iwentsomeofthemonebetter.Myplateswerestainlesssteelbitingandchewingridges,smoothcontinuousonesthatdidn'tattempttocopyindividualteeth.Apersonwholookscloselyataslabofchewingtobacco,say,Iofferhimwillbepuzzledbythesmoothlycurvedincision,madeasifbyarazorblademountedonthearmofacompass.Magneticpowderburiedinmygumsmakesforarealnicefit.
ThissacrificewasworsethanmyhatandMothercombined,butIcouldseethegirlexpectedmetomakeitandwouldtakenosubstitutes,and
inthisattitudeIhadtoadmitthatsheshowedverysoundjudgment,becauseIkeeptheincisorpartsofthoseplatesfiledtorazorsharpness.IhavetobecarefulaboutmytongueandlipsbutIfigureit'sworthit.WithmydentalscimitarsIcaninawinkbiteoutachunkofthroatandwindpipeorjugular,thoughI'veneverhadoccasiontodosoyet.
Forthefirstminuteitmademefeellikeanoldman,arealdodderer,butbynowtheattractionthisgirlhadformewasgettingirrational.Icarefullylaidthetwoplatesontopofmyknapsack.
Inreturn,asasortofrewardyoumightsay,sheopenedhermouthwideandshowedmewhatwasleftofherownteeth--abouttwo-thirdsofthem,
apatchworkoftartarandgold.
Wetookoffourboots,pantsandshirts,shewatchingverysuspiciously--Iknewshe'dbeenskepticalofmycarryingonlyoneknife.
Oddlyperhaps,consideringhowtouchyIamaboutmybaldness,Ifeltnosensitivityaboutrevealingthelackofhaironmychestandinfactasortofprideindisplayingtheslantingradiationscarsthathavereplacedit,thoughtheyarecrawlingkeloidsoftheugliest,bumpiestsort.Iguesstomesuchscarsaretribalinsignia--one-manandone-womantribesofcourse.Noquestionbutthatthescaronthegirl'sforeheadhadbeenthefirstfocusofmydesireforheranditstilladdedtomyinterest.
Bynowweweren'tstayingasperfectlyonguardorwatchingeachother'sclothingforconcealedweaponsascarefullyasweshould--IknowIwasn't.Itwasgettingdarkfast,therewasn'tmuchtimeleft,andtheotherinterestwassimplybecomingtoogreat.
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Wewerestillautomaticallycarefulabouthowwedidthings.Forinstancethewaywetookoffourpantswaslikeballet,simultaneously
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crouchingalittleontheleftfootandwhippingtherightlegoutofitssheathinonemovement,allreadytojumpwithouttrippingourselvesiftheotherpersondidanythingfunny,andthenskinningdowntheleftpants-legwithamovementalmostasswift.
ButasIsayitwasgettingtoolateforperfectwatchfulness,infactforanykindofeffectivewatchfulnessatall.Thecomplexionofthewholesituationwaschanginginarush.Thepossibilitiesofdealingorreceivingdeath--alongwiththechanceoftheminorindignityofcannibalism,whichsomeofuspractice--weresuddenlygone,allgone.Itwasgoingtobeallrightthistime,Iwastellingmyself.Thiswasthetimeitwouldbedifferent,thiswasthetimelovewouldlast,thiswasthetimelustwouldbethefirmfoundationforunderstandingandtrust,thistimetherewouldbereallysafesleeping.Thisgirl'sbodywouldbehomeforme,abeautifultenderinexhaustiblyexcitinghome,andmineforher,foralways.
Asshethrewoffhershirt,thelastdarklyredlightshowedmeanothersmoothslantwisescar,thisonearoundherhips,likeanarrowgirdlethathasslippeddownalittleononeside.
CHAPTER2
_Murdermostfoul,asinthebestitis;Butthismostfoul,strangeandunnatural._
--Hamlet
WhenIwokethelightwasalmostfullamberandIcouldfeelnofleshagainstmine,onlytheblanketunderme.Iveryslowlyrolledoverandthereshewas,sittingonthecorneroftheblanketnottwofeetfromme,combingherlongblackhairwithabig,wide-toothedcombshe'dscrewedintotheleather-and-metalcapoverherwriststump.
She'dputonherpantsandshirt,buttheformerwererolleduptoherkneesandthelatter,thoughtuckedin,wasn'tbuttoned.
Shewaslookingatme,contemplatingmeyoumightsay,quitedreamilybutwithafaint,easysmile.
Ismiledbackather.
Itwaslovely.
Toolovely.Therehadtobesomethingwrongwithit.
Therewas.Oh,nothingbig.Justasolitarytrifle--nothingworthnoticingreally.
Butthetiniestsolitarythingscansometimesbethemostirritating,like_one_mosquito.
WhenI'dfirstrolledovershe'dbeencombingherhairstraightback,revealingawedgeofbaldnessfollowingthecontinuationofherforeheadscardeepbackacrossherscalp.Nowwithamovementthatwasswiftthoughnothurried-lookingshesweptthemassofherhairforwardandto
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theleft,sothatitcoveredthebaldarea.Alsoherlipsstraightenedout.
Iwashurt.Sheshouldn'thavehiddenherbitofbaldness,itwassomethingwehadincommon,somethingthatbroughtuscloser.Andsheshouldn'thavestoppedsmilingatjustthatmoment.Didn'tsherealizeIlovedthatblazeonherscalpjustasmuchasanyotherpartofher,thatshenolongerhadanyneedtopracticevanityinfrontofme?
Didn'tsherealizethatassoonasshestoppedsmiling,hercontemplativestarebecameaninsulttome?Whatrighthadshetostare,criticallyIfeltsure,atmybaldhead?Whatrighthadshetoknowaboutthenearly-healedulceronmyleftshin?--thatwasapieceofinformationworthaman'slifeinafight.Whatrighthadshetocoverup,anyways,whileIwasstillnaked?Sheoughttohavewakedmeupsothatwecouldhavegotdressedaswe'dundressed,together.Therewerelotsofthingswrongwithhermanners.
Oh,IknowthatifI'dbeenabletothinkcalmly,maybeifI'djusthadsomebreakfastoralittlecoffeeinsideme,orevenifthere'dbeensomehotbreakfasttoeatatthatmoment,I'dhaverecognizedmyirritationfortheirrational,one-mosquitosurgeofnegativefeelingthatitwas.
Evenwithoutbreakfast,ifI'djusthadtheknowledgethattherewasareasonablysecuredayaheadofmeinwhichthere'dbeanopportunityformetostraightenoutmyfeelings,Iwouldn'thavebeenirked,oratleastbeingirkedwouldn'thavebotheredmeterribly.
ButasenseofsecurityisanevenrarercommodityintheDeathlandsthanahotbreakfast.
Givenjusttheghostofasenseofsecurityand/orsomehotbreakfast,I'dhavetoldmyselfthatshewasmerelybeingamusinglycoquettishaboutherbaldstreakandherhair,thatitwasnaturalforawomantotrytopreservesomemysteryaboutherselfinfrontofthemanshebedswith.
ButyougetleeryofanykindofmysteryintheDeathlands.Itmakesyoufrightenedandangry,likeitdoesananimal.Mysteryisforculturalqueers,strictly.TheonlywayfortwopeopletogetalongtogetherintheDeathlands,evenforawhile,isnevertohideanythingandnevertomakeamovethatdoesn'thaveanimmediateclearexplanation.Youcan'ttalk,yousee,certainlynotatfirst,andsoyoucan'texplainanything(mostexplanationsarejustliesanddreams,anyway),soyouhavetobedoublycarefulandexplicitabouteverythingyoudo.
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Thisgirlwasn'tbeingeither.Rightnow,ontopofherother
gaucheries,shewasunscrewingthecombfromherwrist--anunfriendlyifnotquiteahostileact,asanyonemustadmit.
Understand,please,Iwasn't_showing_anyofthesenegativereactionsofmineanymorethanshewasshowinghers,exceptforherstoppingsmiling.Infact_Ihadn't_stoppedsmiling,Iwasplayingthegametothehilt.
Butinsidemeeverythingwasstewedupandtheotherurgehadcomebackandpresentlyitwouldbegintogrowagain.That'sthetrouble,you
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know,withsexasasolutiontotheproblemofthetwourges.It'sfinewhileitlastsbutitwearsitselfoutandthenyou'rebackwithUrgeNumberOneandyouhavenothinglefttobalanceitwith.
Oh,Iwouldn'tkillthisgirltoday,Iprobablywouldn'tseriouslythinkofkillingherforamonthormore,butOldUrgeNumberOnewouldbethereandgrowing,mostlyundercover,allthetime.OfcoursetherewerethingsIcoulddotoslowitsgrowth,lotsoflittlegimmicks,infact--Iwasprettyexperiencedatthisbusiness.
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Forinstance,Icouldtakeashotattalkingtoherprettysoon.Foracatchystarter,IcouldtellheraboutNowhere,howthesefiveotherbuggersandmefoundourselvesindependentlyskulkingalongafterthisscavengingexpeditionfromPorter,howwenaturallyjoinedforcesinthatsituation,howwesetapitfallfortheiralky-poweredjeepandwreckeditandthem,howwhenourhaulturnedouttobeunexpectedlybigthefourofusleftfromthekillchummiedupandpaddeddowntogetherandamusedeachotherforawhileandplayedgames,youmightsay.Why,atonepointweevenhadanoldcrankphonographgoingandreadsomebooks.And,ofcourse,howwhenthelootgaveoutandthefunworeoff,wehadourmurderpartyandIsurvivedalongwith,Ithink,abuggernamedJerry--atanyrate,hewasgonewhenthebloodstoppedspurting,
andI'dhadnostomachfortrackinghim,thoughIprobablyshouldhave.
Andinreturnshecouldtellmehowshehadkilledoffherlastsetofgirlfriends,orboyfriends,orfriend,orwhateveritwas.
Afterthat,wecouldhaveagoatexchangingnews,rumorsandspeculationsaboutlocal,nationalandworldevents.WasittruethatAtlanticHighlandshadplanesofsomesortorweretheyfromEurope?WeretheyactuallycrucifyingtheDeathlandersaroundWallaWallaoronlynailinguptheirdeadbodiesasdirewarningstootherssuch?HadMantenomadeChristianitycompulsoryyet,orweretheystilltoleratingZenBuddhists?WasittruethatLosAlamoshadbeencompletelywipedoutbyplague,buttheareatabootoDeathlandersbecauseoftherobot
guardsthey'dleftbehind--metalguardseightfeettallwhotrampedacrossthewhitesands,wailing?DidtheystillhavefreeloveinPacificPalisades?Didsheknowthere'dbeenapitchedbattlefoughtbyexpeditionaryforcesfromOuachitaandSavannahFortress?OverthelootofBirmingham,apparently,afteryellowfeverhadfinishedoffthatprincipality.Hadsherootedoutany"observers"lately?--someofthe"civilized"communities,themore"scientific"ones,trytomaintainafewweatherstationsandthelikeintheDeathlands,camouflagingthemelaboratelyandmanningthemwithoneortwoimpudentcharacterstowhomwegiveahardtimeifweuncoverthem.HadsheheardthetalethatwasgoingaroundthatSouthAmericaandtheFrenchRivierahadsurvivedtheLastWarabsolutelyuntouched?--andtheobviouslyridiculousriderthattheyhadblueskiesthereandsawstarseverythirdnight?Didshethink
thatsubsequentconditionswereshowingthattheEarthactuallyhadplungedintoaninterstellardustcloudcoincidentallywiththestartoftheLastWar(thedustcloudusedasacoverforthefirstattacks,somesaid)ordidshestillholdwiththemajoritythatthedustwassolelyofatomicoriginwithalittlehelpfromvolcanoesanddryspells?Howmanygreensunsetshadsheseeninthelastyear?
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Afterwe'dchewedoverthoseracytopicsandsomemorelikethem,and
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incidentallygotboredwithguessingandfabricating,wemight,ifwefeltespeciallydaringandconversationweregoingparticularlywell,eventakeachanceontalkingalittleaboutourchildhoods,abouthowthingswerebeforetheLastWar(thoughshewasalmosttooyoungforthat)--aboutthe_little_thingsweremembered--thebigthingsweremuchtoodangeroustopicstoventureonandsometimeseventhelittlememoriescouldsuddenlytwistyouupasifyou'dswallowedlye.
Butafterthattherewouldn'tbeanythinglefttotalkabout.Anythingyou'drisktalkingabout,thatis.Forinstance,nomatterhowlongwetalked,itwasveryunlikelythatwe'deitherofustelltheotheranythingcompleteorveryaccurateabouthowwelivedfromdaytoday,aboutourtechniquesofsurvivingandstayingsaneoratleastfunctional--thatwouldbetooimprudent,itwouldgotoomuchagainstthegrainofanyplayerofthemurdergame.WouldItellher,oranyone,abouthowIworkedtherusesofplayingdeadanddisguisingmyselfasawoman,aboutmytrickofpickingapathjustbeforedarkandthencirclingbacktoitbyapre-surveyedroute,aboutthechessgamesIplayedwithmyself,aboutthebottleofgreen,terriblyhot-lookingpowderIcarriedtosprinklebehindmetobluffoffpursuers?Afatchanceofmyrevealingthingslikethat!
Andwhenallthetalkwasover,whatwouldithavegainedus?Ourmindswouldbefilledwithalotofpainfulstuffbetterkept
buried--meaninglesshopes,scrapsofvicariouslivingin"cultured"communities,memoriesthatwerenothingbutmelancholygivenconcreteform.Themelancholyiseasiesttobearwhenit'sthediffusedbackgroundforeverything;andallgarbageisbestkeptinthecan.Ohyes,ourtalkingwouldhavegainedusafewmoredaysofinfatuation,ofphantomsecurity,butthosewecouldhave--almostasmanyofthem,atanyrate--withouttalking.
ForinstancethingsweresmoothingoveralreadybetweenherandmeagainandInolongerfeltquitesoirked.She'dreplacedthecombwithaninoffensive-lookingpairoflightpliersandwasdoingupherhairwiththemetalshavings.AndIwasactingasifcontenttowatchher,asinawayIwas.I'dstillmadenomovetogetdressed.
Shelookedrealsweet,youknow,primpingherselfthatway.Herfacewasalittleflat,butitwasyoung,andthescargaveitjustthefillipitneeded.
Butwhatwasgoingonbehindthatforeheadrightnow,Iaskedmyself?Ifeltrealpsychicthismorning,mymindasclearasabottleofWhiteRockyoufindmiraculouslyunbrokeninablastedtavern,andtheanswerstothequestionI'daskedmyselfcameeffortlessly.
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Shewastellingherselfshe'dgotherselfamanagain,amanwhowas
adequateintheprimalclutch(Igavemyselfthatpatontheback),andthatshewouldn'thavetobeplaguedandhavehersafetyendangeredby _that_kindofmind-dullingrestlessnessandyearningforawhile.
Shewaslightlyplayingaroundwithideasabouthowshe'dfoundahomeandaprotector,knowingshewaskiddingherself,thatitwasthemostgimcrackyfemininemake-believe,butenjoyingitjustthesame.
Shewassizingmeup,decidingindetailjustwhatIwentforinawoman,whatwhettedmyinterest,soshecouldkeepthatrousedaslong
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asseemeddesirableorprudenttohertocontinueourrelation.
Shewaskickingherself,onlylightlytobeginwith,becauseshehadn'ttakenanyprecautions--becausewewho'veescapedhotdeathagainstallreasonableexpectationsbyvirtueofsomeincalculableresistancetotheillsofradioactivity,quiteoftenfindwe'veescapedsterilitytoo.Ifsheshouldbecomepregnant,shewastellingherself,thenshehadarealstickybusinessaheadofherwherenomancouldbetrustedforasecond.
AndbecauseshewasthinkingofthisandbecauseshewasobviouslyarealisticDeathlander,shewasremindingherselfthatawomanisbasicallylessimpulsiveanddaringandresourcefulthanamanandsohadalwaysbetterbesureshegetsinthefirstblow.ShewouldbethinkingthatIwasarealistmyselfandasmartman,oneabletounderstandherpredicamentquiteclearly--andbecauseofthatamuchsoonerdangertoher.ShewasfeelingOldNumberOneUrgestartingtogrowinheragainandwonderingwhetheritmightn'tbewisesttogiveitthehot-housetreatment.
Thatisthetroublewithaclearmind.Foralittlewhileyouseethingsastheyreallyareandyoucanaccuratelypredicthowthey'regoingtoshapethefuture...andthensuddenlyyourealizeyou'vepredictedyourselfaweekoramonthintothefutureandyoucan'tlivetheinterveningtimeanymorebecauseyou'vealreadyimagineditindetail.
Peoplewholiveincommunities,eventheculturalqueersofourmaimedera,aren'tmuchbotheredbyit--theremustbesomesortofblinkerstheyhandyououtalongwiththekeytothecity--butintheDeathlandsit'safairlycommonphenomenonandthere'snohidingfromit.
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Meandmyclearmind!--onceagainithaddonemeoutofdaysoffun,changedathoroughly-exploredloveaffairintoaonenightstand.Oh,therewasnoquestionaboutit,thisgirlandIwerefinished,rightthisminute,asofnow,becauseshewasjustaspsychicasIwasthismorningandhadsensedeverylastthingthatI'dbeenthinking.
WithamovementsmoothenoughnottolookrushedIswungintoacrouch.Shewasonherkneesfasterthanthat,herlefthandhoveringoverthelittlesetoftoolsforherstump,whichlikeanygoodmechanicshe'dlinedupneatlyontheedgeoftheblanket--thehook,thecomb,alongtelescopingfork,acoupleofotheritems,andtheknife.I'dgrabbedahandfulofblanket,readytojerkitfromunderher.She'dseenthatI'dgrabbedit.Ourgazesdueled.
Therewasahigh-pitchedwhineoverourheads!Quiteloudfromthestart,thoughitsoundedasifitwereverydeepupinthehaze.Itswiftlydroppedinpitchandvolume.
Thetopoftheskeletalcrackingplantacrossthefreewayglowedwith
St.Elmo'sfire!Threetimesitglowedthatway,sobrightwecouldseetheviolet-blueflamesofitreachingupdespitethefullamberdaylight.
Thewhinediedawaybutinthelastmoment,paradoxically,itseemedtobecomingcloser!
Thissharedthreat--foranyunexpectedeventisathreatintheDeathlandsandamysteriouseventdoublyso--putastoptoourmurdergame.ThegirlandIwerebuddiesagain,buddiestobereliedonina
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pinch,forthedurationofthethreatatleast.Noneedtosaysoortoreassureeachotherofthefactinanyway,itwastakenforgranted.Besides,therewasnotime.Wehadtouseeverysecondallowedusingettingreadyforwhateverwascoming.
FirstIgrabbedupMother.ThenIrelievedmyself--fearmadeiteasy.ThenIskinnedintomypantsandboots,slappedinmyteeth,thrusttheblanketandknapsackintotheshallowcaveundertheedgeofthefreeway,lookingaroundmeallthetimesoasnottobesurprisedfromanyquarter.
Meanwhilethegirlhadputonherboots,locatedherdartgun,unscrewedthepliersfromherstump,puttheknifein,andwasarrangingherscarfsoitmadeaslingforthemaimedarm--Iwonderedwhybuthadnotimetowasteguessing,evenifI'dwantedto,foratthatmomentasmalldullsilverplane,beetle-shapedmorethananythingelse,loomedoutofthehazebeyondthecrackingplantandcamesilentlydriftingdowntowardus.
Thegirlthrusthersatchelintothecaveandalongwithitherdartgun.IcaughtherideaandtuckedMotherintomypantsbehindmyback.
I'dthoughtfromthefirstglimpseofitthattheplanewasdisabled--Iguessitwasitssilencethatgavemetheidea.Thistheorywas
confirmedwhenoneofitsverystubbywingsorvanestouchedacornerpillarofthecrackingplant.Theplanewasmovingintooslowaglidetobewrecked,infactitwasmovinginaslowerglidethanIwouldhavebelievedpossible--butthenit'smanyyearssinceIhaveseenaplaneinflight.
Itwasn'twreckedbutthelittlecollisionspunitaroundtwiceinalazycircleanditlandedonthefreewaywithascuffingnoisenotfiftyfeetfromus.Youcouldn'texactlysayithadcrashedin,butitstayedatanoddtilt.Itlookedcrippledallright.
Anovaldoorintheplaneopenedandamandroppedlightlyoutontheconcrete.Andwhataman!Hewasnearersevenfeettallthansix,
close-croppedblondhair,faceandhandsrichlytanned,therestofhimcoveredbytrimgarmentsofagleaminggray.Hemusthaveweighedasmuchasthetwoofustogether,buthewasbeautifullybuilt,muscularyetsupple-seeming.Hisfacelookedbrightlyintelligentandeven-temperedandkind.
Yes,kind!--damnhim!Itwasn'tenoughthathisbodyshouldfairlyglowwithahealthandvitalitythatwasaninsulttooursearedskinsandstringymusclesandulcersandhalf-rottedstomachsandhalf-arrestedcancers,hehadtolookkindtoo--thesortofmanwhowouldputyoutobedandtakecareofyou,asifyouweresomesortofinterestingsickfox,andmaybeevensayalittleprayerforyou,andallmannerofotherabominations.
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Idon'tthinkIcouldhaveenduredmyfurystandingstill.Fortunatelytherewasnoneedto.Asifwe'drehearsedthewholethingforhours,thegirlandIscrambledupontothefreewayandscurriedtowardthemanfromtheplane,cunninglyswingingawayfromeachothersothatitwouldbeharderforhimtowatchthetwoofusatonce,butnotenoughtomakeitobviousthatweattendedanattackfromtwoquarters.
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Wedidn'trunthoughwecoveredthegroundasfastaswedared--runningwouldhavebeentoomuchofagive-awaytoo,andthePilot,whichwashowInamedhimtomyself,hadastrange-lookingsmallguninhisrighthand.Infactthewaywemovedwaspartofouract--Idraggedonelegasifitwerecrippledandthegirlfakedanothersortoflimp,onethatmadeherapproachaseriesofhalfcurtsies.Herarmintheslingwasalltwisted,butatthesametimeshewasaccidentlyshowingherbreasts--Irememberthinking_youwon'tdistractthisbreedbullthatway,sister,heprobablyhasaharemofsix-footheifers_.Ihadmyheadthrownbackandmyhandsstretchedoutsupplicatingly.Meanwhilethebothofuswerebabblingabluestreak.Iwasrapidlycroakingsomethinglike,"MisterforGod'ssakesavemypalhe'shurtalotworse'nIamnotahundredyardsawayhe'sdyin'misterhe'sdyin'o'thirsthistongue'sblack'nallswoleupohsavehimmistersavemypalhe'snotahundredyardsawayhe'sdyin'misterdyin'--"andshewassingsonginganevenworserigamaroleabouthow"they"wereafterusfromPorterandgoingtocrucifyusbecausewebelievedinscienceandhowthey'dalreadyimpaledhermotherandherten-year-oldsisterandalotmoreofthesame.
Itdidn'tmatterthatourstoriesdidn'tfitormakesense,thebabblehadaconvincingtoneandgettingusclosertothisguy,whichwasallthatcounted.HepointedhisgunatmeandthenIcouldseehimhesitateandIthoughtexultingly_it'salotofhealthymeatyougotthere,
mister,butit'stamemeat,mister,tame!_
Hecompromisedbytakingastepbackandsortofhootingatusandwavingusoffwithhislefthand,asifwewereacoupleofstraydogs.
Itwasgreatlytoouradvantagethatwe'dactedwithouthesitation,andIdon'tthinkwe'dhavebeenabletodothatexceptthatwe'dbeenallsettokilleachotherwhenhedroppedin.Ourmusclesandnervesandmindswerekeyedforinstantruthlessattack.Andsome"civilized"peoplestillsaythattheurgetomurderdoesn'tcontributetoself-preservation!
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WewerealmostcloseenoughnowandhewassteelinghimselftoshootandIrememberwonderingforasplitsecondwhathisdamngundidtoyou,andthenmeandthegirlhadstartedthealternationroutine.I'dstopdead,asifcompletelycowedbythethreatofhisweapon,andashetooknoteofitshe'dgoinalittlefurther,andashisgazeshiftedtohershe'dstopdeadandI'dgoinanotherfootandthentrytomakemyhaltevenmoreconvincingashisgazedartedbacktome.Weworkeditperfectly,ourrhythmwasbeautiful,asifwewereolddancingpartners,thoughthewholethingwasabsolutelyimpromptu.
Still,Ihonestlydon'tthinkwe'deverhavegottohimifithadn'tbeenforthedistractionthatcamejustthentohelpus.Icouldtell,
yousee,thathe'dfinallysteeledhimselfandwestillweren'tquitecloseenough.Hewasn'tastameasI'dhoped.IreachedbehindmeforMother,determinedtodoalast-minuterushandleapanyway,whentherecamethissickscream.
Idon'tknowhowelsetodescribeitbriefly.Itwasascream,feminineforchoice,itcamefromsomedistanceandthedirectionoftheoldcrackingplant,ithadanoteofanguishandwarning,yetatthesametimeitwasweakandalmostfalteringyoumightsayandsqueakyattheend,asifitcamefromapersonhalfdeadandathroatchokedwith
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phlegm.Ithadallthosequalitiesorawonderfulmimickingofthem.
Andithadquiteaneffectonourboyingrayforintheactofshootingmedownhestartedtoturnandlookoverhisshoulder.
Oh,itdidn'taltogetherstophimfromshootingme.HegotmepartlycoveredagainasIwasinthemiddleofmylunge.Ifoundoutwhathisgundidtoyou.Myrightarm,whichwastheparthe'dcovered,justwentdeadandIfinishedmylungeslammingupagainsthisironknees,likeahighschoolkidtryingtoblockoutaprofootballer,withtheknifeslippinguselesslyawayfrommyfingers.
Butintheblessedmeanwhilethegirlhadlungedtoo,notwithaslowslash,thankGod,butwithahigh,slicingthrustaimedarrow-straightforapointjustunderhisear.
Sheconnectedandafanofbloodsprayedherfullintheface.
Igrabbedmyknifewithmylefthandasitfell,scrambledtomyfeet,anddrovetheknifeathisthroatinaround-houseswingthathappenedtocomehandiestatthetime.ThepointwentthroughhisfleshlikenothingandjarredagainsthisspinewithaviolencethatIhopedwouldshockintonervousinsensibilitythestoutestmedullaoblongataandpreventanydyingreprisalsonhispart.
Igotmywish,inlargepart.Heswayed,straightened,droppedhisgun,andfellflatonhisback,givinghisskullamurderouscrackontheconcreteforgoodmeasure.Helaythereandafterahalfdozengushesthebrightbloodquitpumpingstronglyoutofhisneck.
Thencamethepartthatwaslikeadyingreprisal,thoughobviouslynotbeingdirectedbyhimasofnow.Andcometothinkofit,itmayhavehaditsgoodpoints.
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Thegirl,whowasclearlyamostcool-headedcuss,snatchedforhisgun
wherehe'ddroppedit,tomakesureshegotitaheadofme.Shesnatched,yes--andthenjerkedback,lettingoffasizablesquealofpain,anger,andsurprise.
Wherewe'dseenhisgunhittheconcretetherewasnowatinyincandescentpuddle.Arillofbloodsnakedoutfromthepoolaroundhisheadandtouchedthewhitelyglowingpuddleandajetofsteamsizzledup.
Somehowthegunhadmanagedtomeltitselfinthemomentofitsownerdying.Well,atanyratethatshowedithadn'tcontainedanygunpowderorordinarychemicalexplosives,thoughIalreadyknewitoperatedonotherprinciplesfromthewayithadbeenusedtoparalyzeme.Moreto
thepoint,itshowedthatthegun'sownerwasthememberofaculturethatbelievedintakingverycompleteprecautionsagainstitsgadgetsfallingintothehandsofstrangers.
Butthegunfusingwasn'tquiteall.Asthegirlandmeshiftedourgazefromthepuddle,whichwascoolingfastandnowglowedredliketheblood--asweshiftedourgazebackfromthepuddletothedeadman,wesawthatatthreepoints(pointsoverwhereyou'dexpectpocketstobe)hisgrayclothinghadcharredinsmallirregularlyshapedpatchesfromwhichthreadsofblacksmokeweretwistingupward.
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Justatthatmoment,socloseastomakemejumpinspiteofyearsoflearningtoabsorbshocksstoically--rightatmyelbowitseemedto(thegirljumpedtoo,Imaysay)--avoicesaid,"Doneamurder,hey?"
Advancingbrisklyaroundtheskewilygroundedplanefromthedirectionofthecrackingplantwasanoldgeezer,aseasoned,hard-bakedDeathlanderifIeversawone.Hehadashockofbone-whitehair,therestofhimthatshowedfromhisweatheredgrayclothinglookedfriedbythesun'sraysandotherstoastringycrisp,andstrappedtohisbootsandweighingdownhisbeltwereagooddozenknives.
Notsatisfiedwiththeunnervingnoisehe'dmadealready,hewentonbrightly,"Neatjobtoo,Igiveyoucreditforthat,butwhythehelldidyouhavetosettheguyafire?"
CHAPTER3
_Wearealways,thankstoourhumannature,potentialcriminals.Noneofusstandsoutsidehumanity'sblackcollectiveshadow._
--TheUndiscoveredSelf,_byCarlJung_
Ordinarilyscroungerswhohidearoundontheoutskirtsuntilthekilling'sdoneandthencomeintosharethelootgetwhattheydeserve--wordlessorders,wellbackedup,tobeontheirwayatonce.Sometimestheyevencatchanafter-clapofthemurderurge,ifithasn'tallbeenexpendedonthefirstvictimorvictims.Yetthey_will_doit,trustingIsupposetotheirresistibleglamoroftheirpersonalities.Therewereseveralreasonswhywedidn'tatoncegivePopthistreatment.
Inthefirstplacewedidn'tneitherofushaveourdistanceweapons.Myrevolverandherdartgunwerebothtuckedinthecavebackattheedgeofthefreeway.Andthere'sonebadthingaboutabuggersoknife-happyhelugsthemaroundbythecarload--he'sgenerallygoodattossingthem.WithhisdozenorsoknivesPopdefinitelyoutgunnedus.
Second,wewerebothofuswithouttheuseofanarm.That'sright,thebothofus.MyrightarmstilldangledlikeastringofsausagesandIcouldn'tyetfeelanysignsofitcomingundead.Whileshe'dburnedherfingersbadlygrabbingatthegun--Icouldseetheirred-splotchedtipsnowasshepulledthemoutofhermouthforasecondtowipethePilot'sbloodoutofhereyes.Allshehadwasherstumpwiththeknifescrewedtoit.Me,Icanthrowaknifeleft-handedifIhaveto,butyoubetI
wasn'tgoingtoriskMotherthatway.
ThenI'dnosoonerheardPop'svoice,breathyandalittlehighlikeanoldman'swillget,thanitoccurredtomethathemusthavebeentheonewhohadgiventhefunnyscreamthathaddistractedthePilot'sattentionandletusgethim.WhichincidentallymadePopaquickthinkerandimaginativetoboot,andmeantthathe'dhelpedonthekilling.
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Besidesallthat,Popdidnotcomeinfawningandfullofextravagantpraise,asmostscroungerswill.Hejustassumedequalitywithusrightfromthestartandhetalkedinanabsolutelymatter-of-factway,neitherpraisingnorcriticizingonebit--toodamnmatter-of-factandopen,forthatmatter,tosuitmytaste,butthenIhaveheardotherbuggerssaythatsomeoldmenareapttogettalkative,thoughIhadneverworkedwithorrunintoonemyself.OldpeopleareveryrareintheDeathlands,asyoumightimagine.
Sothegirlandmejustscowledathimbutdidnothingtostophimashecamealong.Nearus,hisextrakniveswouldbenoadvantagetohim.
"Hum,"hesaid,"looksalotlikeaguyImurderedfiveyearsbackdownLosAlamosway.Samesilvermonkeysuitandalmostastall.Nicechaptoo--wastryingtogivemesomethingforafeverI'dfaked.Thathisgunmelted?Mymandidn'tsmokeafterIgavehimhisquietus,butthenitturnedouthedidn'thaveanymetalonhim.Iwonderifthischap--"Hestartedtokneeldownbythebody.
"Handsoff,Pop!"Igrittedathim.ThatwashowwestartedcallinghimPop.
"Whysure,sure,"hesaid,stayingthereononeknee."Iwon'tlaya
fingeronhim.It'sjustthatI'veheardtheAlamosershaveitriggedsothatanymetalthey'recarryingmeltswhentheydie,andIwaswonderingaboutthisboy.Buthe'sallyours,friend.Bytheway,what'syourname,friend?"
"Ray,"Isnarled."RayBaker."IthinkthemainreasonItoldhimwasthatIdidn'twanthimcallingme"friend"again."Youtalktoomuch,Pop."
"IsupposeIdo,Ray,"heagreed."What'syourname,lady?"
Thegirljustsortofhissedathimandhegrinnedatmeasiftosay,"Oh,women!"Thenhesaid,"Whydon'tyougothroughhispockets,Ray?
I'mrealcurious."
"Shutup,"Isaid,butIfeltthathe'dputmeonthespotjustthesame.Iwascuriousabouttheguy'spocketsmyself,ofcourse,butIwasalsowonderingifPopwasaloneorifhehadsomebodywithhim,andwhethertherewasanybodyelseintheplaneornot--thingslikethat,toomanythings.AtthesametimeIdidn'twanttoletontoPophowuselessmyrightarmwas--ifI'djustgetatwingeoffeelinginthatarm,IknewI'dfeelalotmoreconfidentfast.Ikneltdownacrossthebodyfromhim,startedtolayMotherasideandthenhesitated.
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Thegirlgavemeanencouraginglook,asiftosay,"I'lltakecareoftheoldgeezer."OnthestrengthofherlookIputdownMotherandstartedtopryopenthePilot'slefthand,whichwasclenchedinafistthatlookedamitetoobigtohavenothinginsideit.
ThegirlstartedtoedgebehindPop,buthecaughtthemovementrightawayandlookedatherwithagrinthatwassoknowingandyetsofriendly,andyetsopityingatthesametime--withthepityoftheoldproforeventheseasonedamateur--thatinherplaceIthinkI'dhaveblushedmyself,asshedidnow...throughthestreaksofthePilot's
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blood.
"Youdon'thavetoworrynoneaboutme,lady,"hesaid,runningahandthroughhiswhitehairandincidentallytouchingthepommelofoneofthetwoknivesstrappedhighonthebackofhisjacketsohecouldreachoneovereithershoulder."Iquitmurderingsomeyearsback.Itgottobetoomuchofastrainonmynerves."
"Ohyeah?"Icouldn'thelpsayingasIpriedupthePilot'sindexfingerandstartedonthenext."Thenwhythestab-factory,Pop?"
"Ohyoumeanthose,"hesaid,glancingdownathisknives."Well,thefactis,Ray,Icarrythemtoimpressbuggersdumberthanyouandtheladyhere.AnybodywantstothinkI'mstillapracticingmurdererIgotnoobjections.Matterofsentiment,too,Ijusthatetopartwiththem--theybringbackimportantmemories.Andthen--youwon'tbelievethis,Ray,butI'mgoingtotellyoujustthesame--guysjustupandgivemetheirknivesandIdoublyhatetopartwithagift."
Iwasn'tgoingtosay"Ohyeah?"againor"Shutup!"either,thoughIcertainlywishedIcouldturnoffPop'sspigot,orthoughtIdid.ThenIfeltapainfultinglingshootdownmyrightarm.IsmiledatPopandsaid,"Anyotherreasons?"
"Yep,"hesaid."GottoshaveandImightaswelldoitinstyle.Anewbladeeverydayinthefortnightistwiceasgoodastheoldads.Youknow,itmakesyoukeepaknifeinfineshapeifyoushavewithit.Whatyougotthere,Ray?"
"Youwerewrong,Pop,"Isaid."Hedidhavesomemetalonhimthatdidn'tmelt."
IheldupforthemtoseetheobjectI'dextractedfromhisleftfist:abrightsteelcubemeasuringaboutaninchacrosseachside,butitfeltlighterthanifitweresolidmetal.Fiveofthefaceslookedabsolutelybare.Thesixthhadaroundbuttonrecessedinit.
FromthewaytheylookedatitneitherPopnorthegirlhadthefaintestideaofwhatitwas.Icertainlyhadn't.
"Hadhepushedthebutton?"thegirlasked.Hervoicewasthroatybutunexpectedlyrefined,asifshe'ddonenotalkingatall,noteventoherself,sincecomingtotheDeathlandsandsoretainedtheculturedintonationsshe'dhadearlier,wheneverandwhereverthathadbeen.Itgavemeafunnyfeeling,ofcourse,becausetheywerethefirstwordsI'dheardherspeak.
"Notfromthewayhewasholdingit,"Itoldher."Thebuttonwaspointeduptowardhisthumbbutthethumbwasontheoutsideofhisfingers."Ifeltanunexpectedsatisfactionathavingexpressedmyself
soclearlyandItoldmyselfnottogetchildish.
Thegirlslittedhereyes."Don'tyoupushit,Ray,"shesaid.
"ThinkI'mnuts?"Itoldher,meanwhileslidingthecubeintothesmallerpocketofmypants,whereitfittightandwouldn'tturnsidewaysandthebuttonmaybegetpressedbyaccident.Thetinglinginmyrightarmwasalmostunbearablenow,butIwasgettingcontroloverthemusclesagain.
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"Pushingthatbutton,"Iadded,"mightmeltwhat'sleftoftheplane,orblowusallup."Itneverhurtstoemphasizethatyoumayhaveanotherweaponinyourpossession,evenifit'sjustasuicidebomb.
"Therewasamanpushedanotherbuttononce,"Popsaidsoftlyandreflectively.HisgazewentfaroutovertheDeathlandsandtookinagoodhalfofthehorizonandheslowlyshookhishead.Thenhisfacebrightened."Didyouknow,Ray,"hesaid,"thatIactuallymetthatman?Longafterwards.Youdon'tbelieveme,Iknow,butIactuallydid.Tellyouaboutitsomeothertime."
Ialmostsaid,"Thanks,Pop,forsparingmeatleastforawhile,"butIwasafraidthatwouldsethimoffagain.Besides,itwouldn'thavebeenquitetrue.I'veheardotherbuggerstelltheyarnofhowtheymet(andinvariablyrubbedout)theactualguywhopushedthebuttonorbuttonsthatsetthefusionmissilesblastingtowardtheirtargets,butIfeltasuddencuriosityastowhatPop'sversionoftheyarnwouldbe.Ohwell,Icouldaskhimsomeothertime,ifwebothlivedthatlong.IstartedtocheckthePilot'spockets.Myrighthandcouldhelpalittlenow.
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"Thoselooklikemeanburnsyougotthere,lady,"IheardPoptellthegirl.Hewasright.Therewereblisterseasytoseeonthreeofthe
fingertips."I'vegotsomesalvethat'sprettygood,"hewenton,"andsomecleancloth.Icouldputonabandageforyouifyouwanted.IfyourhandstartedtofeelpoisonedyoucouldalwaystellRayheretoslipaknifeinme."
Popwasacutegasser,youhadtoadmit.IremindedmyselfthatitwasPop'sbusinesstoplayuptothebothofus,charmbeingthesecretweaponofallscroungers.
Thegirlgaveaharshlittlelaugh."Verywell,"shesaid,"butwewillusemysalve,Iknowitworksforme."AndshestartedtoleadPoptowherewe'dhiddenourthings.
"I'llgowithyou,"Itoldthem,standingup.
Itdidn'tlooklikeweweregoingtohaveanymoremurderstoday--Pophadgotthroughthepreliminaryingratiationsprettywellandthegirlandmehadhadourcatharsis--butthatwouldbenoexcuseforanysuchstupidityaslettingthetwoofthemgetnearmy.38.
StrollingtothecaveandbackIeasedthesituationabitmorebysaying,"Thatscreamyouletoff,Pop,reallyhelped.Idon'tknowwhatgaveyoutheidea,butthanks."
"Ohthat,"hesaid."Forgetaboutit."
"Iwon't,"Itoldhim."Youmaysayyou'vequitkilling,buthelpedonado-intoday."
"Ray,"hesaidalittlesolemnly,"ifit'llmakeyoufeelanyhappier,I'lltakeabitoftheresponsibilityforeverymurderthat'sbeendonesincethebeginningoftime."
Ilookedathimforawhile.Then,"Pop,you'renotbyanychancethereligioustype?"Iaskedsuddenly.
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"Lord,no,"hetoldus.
Thatstruckmeasasatisfactoryanswer.Godpreservemefromthereligioustype!WehavequiteafewofthoseintheDeathlands.Itgenerallymeansthattheytrytoconvertyoutosomethingbeforetheykillyou.Orsometimesafterwards.
Wecompletedourerrands.IfeltalotmoresecurewithOldFinancier'sFriendstrappedtomymiddle.Motheriswonderfulbutsheisnotenough.
IdawdledoverinspectingthePilot'spockets,partlytogivemyrighthandtimetocomebackalltheway.AndtotellthetruthIdidn'tmuchenjoythejob--acorpse,especiallysuchahandsomecadaverasthis,justdidn'tgowithPop'sbrandoflightpatter.
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Popdidupthegirl'shandinhighstyle,bandagingeachfingerseparatelyandthenpersuadinghertoputonabigleft-handworkglovehetookoutofhissmallpack.
"Losttheright,"heexplained,"whichwastheonlyoneIeverusedanyway.NeverknewuntilnowwhyIkeptthis.Howdoesitfeel,Alice?"
Imighthaveknownhe'dwormhernameoutofher.ItoccurredtomethatPop'sideasofscroungingmightextendtoAlice'sfavors.Theurgedoesn'tdieoutwhenyougetold,theytellme.Notcompletely.
He'dalsohelpedherreplacetheknifeonherstumpwiththehook.
BythattimeI'dpokedintoallthePilot'spocketsIcouldgetatwithoutstrippinghimandfoundnothingbutthreeirregularlyshapedblobsofmetal,stillhottothetouch.Underthecharredspots,ofcourse.
Ididn'twantthejobofstrippinghim.Somebodyelsecoulddoalittlework,Itoldmyself.I'vebeenbotheredbybodiesbefore(aswhohasn't,
Isuppose?)butthisonewasreallybeginningtomakemesick.MaybeIwascrackingup,itoccurredtome.Murderisaverywearingbusiness,asallDeathlandersknow,andalthoughsomecrackearlierthanothers,allcrackintheend.
ImusthavebeenshowinghowIwasfeelingbecause,"Cheerup,Ray,"Popsaid."YouandAlicehavedoneabigmurder--I'dsaythesubjectwassixfootten--soyououghttobehappy.You'vedrawnablankonhispocketsbutthere'sstilltheplane."
"Yeah,that'sright,"Isaid,brighteningalittle."There'sstillthestuffintheplane."IknewthereweresomeitemsIcouldn'thopefor,like.38shells,butthere'dbefoodandotherthings.
"Nuh-uh,"Popcorrectedme."Isaid_theplane_.Youmayhavethoughtit'swrecked,butIdon't.Haveyoutakenarealganderatit?It'sworthdoing,believeme."
Ijumpedup.Myheartwassuddenlypounding.Iwasgladofanexcusetogetawayfromthebody,buttherewasalotmoreinmyfeelingsthanthat.IwasfilledwithanexcitementtowhichIdidn'twanttogiveanamebecauseitwouldmakethelet-downtoogreat.
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Oneofthewidestubbywingsoftheplane,rakingdownwardsothatitstipalmosttouchedtheconcrete,hadhiddentheundercarriageofthefuselagefromourview.Now,comingaroundthewing,Isawthat_therewasnoundercarriage_.
IhadtodroptomyhandsandkneesandscanaroundwithmycheeknexttotheconcretebeforeI'dbelieveit._The"wrecked"planewasatallpointsatleastsixinchesofftheground._
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Igottomyfeetagain.Iwasshaking.IwantedtotalkbutIcouldn't.Igrabbedtheleadingedgeofthewingtostopfromfalling.Thewholebodyoftheplanegaveafractionofaninchandthenresistedmyleaningweightwithlazypower,justlikeagyroscope.
"Antigravity,"Icroaked,thoughyoucouldn'thaveheardmetwofeet.Thenmyvoicecameback."Pop,Alice!Theygotantigravity!Antigravity--andit'sworking!"
Alicehadjustcomearoundthewingandwasfacingme.ShewasshakingtooandherfacewaswhitelikeIknewminewas.Popwaspolitelystandingoffalittletooneside,watchinguscuriously."Toldyouyou'dwonarealprize,"hesaidinhismatter-of-factway.
Alicewetherlips."Ray,"shesaid,"wecangetaway."
Justthosefourwords,buttheydidit.Somethinginmeunlocked--no,explodeddescribesitbetter.
"Wecangoplaces!"Ialmostshouted.
"Beyondthedust,"shesaid."MexicoCity.SouthAmerica!"ShewasforgettingtheDeathlander'scynicalarticleofbeliefthatthedustneverends,butthensowasI.Itmakesadifferencewhetherornotyou'vegotameansofdoingsomething.
"Rio!"Itoppedherwith."TheIndies.HongKong.Bombay.Egypt.Bermuda.TheFrenchRiviera!"
"Bullfightsandcleanbeds,"sheburstoutwith."Restaurants.Swimmingpools.Bathrooms!"
"Skindiving,"Itookitupwith,ashystericalasshewas."Roadracesandroulettetables."
"BentleysandPorsches!"
"AircoupsandDC4sandComets!"
"Martinisandhashishandicecreamsodas!"
"Hotfood!Freshcoffee!Gambling,smoking,dancing,music,drinks!"Iwasgoingtoadd_women_,butthenIthoughtofhowhard-bittenlittleAlicewouldlookbesidethedreamcreaturesIhadinmind.ItactfullysuppressedthewordbutIfiledtheideaaway.
Idon'tthinkeitherofusknewexactlywhatweweresaying.AliceinparticularIdon'tbelievewasoldenoughtohaveexperiencedalmostanyofthethingsthewordsreferredto.Theyweremysterioussymbolsof
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long-interdicteddelightsspewingoutofus.
"Ray,"Alicesaid,hurryingtome,"let'sgetaboard."
"Yes,"IsaideagerlyandthenIsawalittleproblem.Thedoortotheplanewasacoupleoffeetaboveourheads.Whoeverhoistedhimselfupfirst--orgothoistedup,aswouldhavetobethecasewithAliceonaccountofherhand--wouldbemomentarilyattheother'smercy.IguessitoccurredtoAlicetoobecauseshestoppedandlookedatme.Itwasalittleliketheoldteaseraboutthefox,thegoose,andthecorn.
Maybe,too,wewerebothalittlescaredtheplanewasbooby-trapped.
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PopsolvedtheprobleminthedirectwayImighthaveexpectedofhimbysteppingquietlybetweenus,givingalightleap,catchingholdofthecurvingsill,chinninghimselfonit,andscramblingupintotheplanesoquicklythatwe'dhardlyhavehadtimetodoanythingaboutitifwe'dwantedto.Popcouldn'tbemuchmorethanabantamweight,evenwithallhisknives.Theplanesaggedaninchandthenswungupagain.
AsPopdisappearedfromviewIbackedoff,reachingformy.38,butamomentlaterhestuckouthisheadandgrinneddownatus,restinghis
elbowsonthesill.
"Comeonup,"hesaid."It'squiteaplace.Ipromisenottopushanybuttons'tilyougethere,thoughthere'swholeregimentsofthem."
IgrinnedbackatPopandgaveAliceaboostup.Shedidn'tlikeit,butshecouldseeithadtobehernext.ShehookedontothesillandPopcaughtholdofherleftwristbelowthebiggloveandheaved.
Thenitwasmyturn.Ididn'tlikeit.Ididn'tliketheideaofthosetwobuggerspoisedabovemewhilemyhandswerehelplessonthesill.ButIthought_Pop'sanut.Youcantrustanut,atleastalittleways,thoughyoucan'ttrustnobodyelse._Iheavedmyselfup.Itwasstrange
tofeeltheplanegivingandthenbracingitselflikesomethingalive.Itseemedtohavenotroubleacceptingourcombinedweight,whichafterallwashardlymorethanhalfagainthePilot's.
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InsidethecabinwasprettysmallbutasPophadimplied,ohmy!Everythinglookedsoftandsmoothlycurved,likeyouimagineyourinsidesbeing,andalmosteverythingwasarestfullydullsilver.Thegeneralshapeofitwassomethingliketheinsideofanegg.Forward,whichwasthelargerend,wereacoupleofscreensandawideviewportandsomesmalldialsandthebuttonbrigadesPophadmentioned,lineduplikeblanktypewriterkeysbutenoughforwritingChinese.
Justaftoftheinstrumentpanelweretwoverycomfortable-lookingstrangelowseats.TheyseemedtobefacingbackwardsuntilIrealizedtheyweremeanttobekneltinto.Theoccupant,Icouldsee,wouldsortofsprawlforward,hishandsfreeforbutton-pushingandsuch.Therewerespongychinrests.
Aftwasatinyinstrumentpanelandakindofsidewaysseat,notnearlysofancy.Thedoorbywhichwe'denteredwastotheside,alittleaft.
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Ididn'tseeanyindicationsofcabinetsorfixedstoragespacesofanykinds,butsomehowstucktothewallshereandtherewerequiteafewsmoothblobbypackages,mostlydullsilvertoo,somelarge,somesmall--valisesandhandbags,youmightsay.
Allinall,itwasalovelycabinand,morethanthat,itseemedlivedin.Itlookedasifithadbeenshapedfor,andmaybebyoneman.Ithadapersonalityyoucouldfeel,astrongbutwarmpersonalityofitsown.
ThenIrealizedwhosepersonalityitwas.Ialmostgotsick--soclosetoitIstartedtellingmyselfitmustbesomethingantigravitydidtoyourstomach.
Butitwasalltoointerestingtoletyougetsickrightaway.Popwaspokingintotwoofthelargemound-shapedcasesthatweresittinglooseandopenontheright-handseat,asifreadyforemergencyuse.Onehadafoldedsomethingwithstrapsonitthatwasprobablyaparachute.ThesecondhadIjudgedathousandormoreoftheinchcubessuchasI'dpriedoutofthePilot'shand,allneatlystackedinacubicalboxinsidethesoftouterbag.Youcouldseetheone-cubegapwherehe'dtakentheone.
Idecidedtotaketherestofthebagsoffthewallsandopenthem,ifIcouldfigureouthow.Theothershadthesameidea,butAlicehadto
takeoffherhookandputonherpliers,beforeshecouldmakeprogress.Pophelpedher.Therewasroomenoughforustodothesethingswithoutcrowdingeachothertooclosely.
BythetimeAlicewassettogoI'ddiscoveredthetrickofgettingthebagsoff.Youcouldn'tpullthemawayfromthewallnomatterwhatforceyouused,atleastIcouldn't,andyoucouldn'tevenslidethemstraightalongthewalls,butifyoujustgavethemagentlecounterclockwisetwisttheycameofflikenothing.Twistingthemclockwisegluedthembackon.Itwasverystrange,butItoldmyselfthatiftheseboyscouldgenerateantigravityfieldstheycouldcreatescrewyfieldsofothersorts.
Italsooccurredtometowonderif"theseboys"camefromEarth.ThePilothadlookedhumanenough,buttheseaccomplishmentsdidn't--notbymystandardsforhumanachievementintheAgeoftheDeaders.AtanyrateIhadtoadmittomyselfthatmypetterm"culturalqueer"didnotdescribetomyownsatisfactionmembersofaculturewhichcouldcreatethingslikethiscabin.NotthatIlikedmakingtheadmission.It'shardtoadmitanexceptiontoapetgripeagainstthings.
TheexcitementofgettingdownandopeningtheChristmaspackagessavedmefromspeculatingtoomuchalongtheseoranyotherlines.
Ihitaminorjackpotrightaway.Inthesamebagwereacompass,acatalyticpocketlighter,aknifewithasaw-toothbackedgethatmade
myaffectionforMotherwaver,adustmask,whatlookedlikeacompactwater-filtrationunit,andseveralotheritemsaddinguptoadeluxeDeathlandsSurvivalKit.
ThereweresomegogglesinthekitIdidn'tsavvyuntilIputthemonandsurveyedthelandscapeouttheviewport.AnearbydustdriftIknewtobehotglowedgreenasdeathintheslightlysmokylenses.Wow!ThosespecshadGeigercountersbeatamileandIprivatelybetmyselftheyworkedatnight.Istucktheminmypocketquick.
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Wefoundbunchesoftinyelectronicsparts--Ithinktheywere;spoolsofmagnetictape,butnothingtoplayiton;reelsofverynarrowfilmwithframesmuchtoosmalltoseeanythingatallunmagnified;aboutthreethousandcigarettesinunlabeledtransparentpacksoftwenty--welitupquick,usingmynewlighter;apicturebookthatdidn'tmakemuchsensebecausetheviewsmighthavebeenoftissuesectionsorstarfields,wecouldn'tquitedecide,andtherewerenocaptionstohelp;athinbookwithricepaperpagescoveredwithChinesecharacters--_that_wasapuzzler;athickbookwithnothingbutcolumnsoffigures,allzerosandonesandnothingelse;sometinychisels;andamouthorgan.Pop,who'dmakeapointofjusthelpinginthehunt,appropriatedthatlastitem--Imighthaveknownhewould,Itoldmyself.Nowwecouldexpect"TurkeyintheStraw"atoddmoments.
Alicefoundawholebagofwhatwerewomen'sthingsjudgingfromthefrillinessofthegarmentsincluded.Shesetasidesomesqueeze-packsandlittlegadgetsandelasticitemsrightaway,butshedidn'ttakeanyoftheclothes.Icaughthermeasuringsomekindoftransparentchemiseagainstherselfwhenshethoughtweweren'tlooking;itwasforagirlmaybesixsizesbigger.
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Andwefoundfood.Cansoffoodthatwasheatedupinsidebythetimeyougotthetoprolledoff,thoughtheoutsidecouldstillbecooltothetouch.Cansofbonelesssteak,bonelesschops,creamsoup,peas,carrots,andfriedpotatoes--theyweren'tlabeledatallbutyoucouldgenerallyguessthecontentsfromtheshapeofthecan.Eggsthatheatedwhenyoutouchedthemandweresoft-boiledevenlyandbarelyfirmbythetimeyouhadtheshellbroke.Andsmallplasticbottlesofstrongcoffeethatheateduphospitablytoo--inthiscasethetopsdidafive-secondhesitationinthemiddleofyourunscrewingthem.
Atthatpointasyoucanimaginewelettherestofthepackagesgoandhadourselvesafeast.Thefoodateevenbetterthanitsmelled.Itwas
realhardformenottogorge.
ThenasIwasslurpingdownmysecondbottleofcoffeeIhappenedtolookouttheviewportandseethePilot'sbodyandthedarkeningpuddlearounditandthecoffeebegantotaste,well,notbad,butsickening.Idon'tthinkitwasguiltyconscience.Deathlandersoutgrowthoseiftheyeverhavethemtostartwith;lonersdon'tkeepconsciences--ittakesculturestogiveyouthoseandmakethemwork.ArtisticinappropriatenessistheclosestIcancometodescribingwhatbotheredme.Whateveritwas,itmademefeellousyforaminute.
AboutthesametimeAlicedidanoddthingwiththelastof_her_ coffee.Shesloppeditonaragandusedittowashherface.Iguess
she'dcaughtareflectionofherselfwiththebloodsmears.Shedidn'teatanymoreafterthateither.Popkeptonchompingaway,aslowfeederandappreciative.
TobedoingsomethingIstartedtoinspecttheinstrumentpanelandrightawayIwasallexcitedagain.Thetwoscreenswerewhatgotme.Theyshowedshadowymaps,oneofNorthAmerica,theotheroftheWorld.ThefirstonewasawholelotlikethemapI'dbeenimaginingearlier--faintcolorsmarkedthesmall"civilized"areasincludingoneinEasternCanadaandanotherinUpperMichiganthatmustbe"countries"
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Ididn'tknowabout,andtheDeathlandswererealdarkjustasI'dalwaysmaintainedtheyshouldbe!
SouthofLakeMichiganwasabrightlyluminousgreenpointthatmustbewherewewere,Idecided.AndforsomereasonthecoloredareasrepresentingLosAlamosandAtlanticHighlandswereglowingbrighterthantheothers--theyhadanactiveluminosity.LosAlamoswasblue,Atla-Hiviolet.LosAlamoswasshownhavingmoreterritorythanIexpected.SavannahFortressforthatmatterwasawhole_lot_biggerthanI'dhavemadeit,pushingoutpseudopodswestandnortheastalongthecoast,thoughitsreddidn'thavetheextraglow.Butitsgrowth-patternreekedofimperialism.
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TheWorldscreenshoweddimcolorpatchestoo,butforthemomentIwasmoreinterestedintheother.
ThebuttonarmiesmarchedrightuptotheloweredgeofthescreensandrightawayIgotthecrazyhunchthattheywereconnectedwithspotsonthemap.Pushthebuttonforacertainspotandtheplanewouldgothere!Why,onebuttonevenseemedtohaveafaintvioletnimbusaroundit(orelsemyeyesweregoingbad)asiftosay,"PushmeandwegotoAtlanticHighlands."
AcrazynotionasIsayandnosensiblewaytohandleaplane'snavigationaccordingtoanystandardsIcouldimagine,butthenasI'vealsosaidthisplanedidn'tseemtobedesignedaccordingtoanystandardsbutratherinlinewithoneman'sideas,includinghiswhims.
Atanyratethatwasmyhunchaboutthebuttonsandthescreens.Ittantalizedratherthanhelped,fortheonlybuttonthatseemedtobemarkedinanywaywastheone(guessingbycolor)forAtlanticHighlands,andIcertainlydidn'twanttogothere.LikeAlamos,Atla-Hihasthereputationforbeingamysteriouslydangerousplace.Notopenlymeananddeath-on-DeathlanderslikeWallaWallaorPorter,butbuggerswhoswingtooclosetoAtla-Hihaveawayofneverturningupagain.You
neverexpecttoseeagaintwooutofthreebuggerswhopassinthenight,butforthreeoutofthreetokeepdisappearingisagainststatistics.
Alicewasbesidemenow,scanningthingsovertoo,andfromthewayshefrownedandwhatnotIgatheredshehadcaughtmyhunchandalsosharedmypuzzlement.
Nowwasthetime,allright,whenweneededaninstructionmanualandnotoneinChineseneither!
Popswallowedamouthfulandsaid,"Yep,now'dbeagoodtimetohavehimbackforaminute,toexplainthingsabit.Oh,don'ttakeoffense,
Ray,Iknowhowitwasforyouandforyoutoo,Alice.Iknowthebothofyou_had_tomurderhim,itwasn'tamatteroffreechoice,it'sthewayusDeathlandersarebuilt.Justthesame,it'dbenicetohaveawayofkilling'emandkeepingthemonhandatthesametime.IrememberfeelingthatwayaftermurderingtheAlamoserItoldyouabout.Yousee,IcomedownwiththeveryfeverI'dfakedandalmostdiedofit,whilethemanwhocouldhavecuredmeeasywouldn'tdonothingbutperfumethelandscapewiththehelpofagangofanaerobicbacteria.Stubbornsingle-mindedcuss!"
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Thefirstpartofthatorationstartedupmysicknessagainandirkedmenotalittle.Dammit,whatrighthadPoptotalkabouthowallusDeathlanders_hadto_kill(whichwastrueenoughandbyitselfwouldhavemademecottontohim)ifashe'dclaimedearlier_he'd_beenabletoquitkilling?Popwas,anoldhypocrite,Itoldmyself--he'dhelpedmurderthePilot,he'dadmittedasmuch--andAliceandme'dbebetteroffifwebeddedthebothofthemdowntogether.ButthenthesecondpartofwhatPopsaidsomademewanttofeelpleasantlysorryformyselfandlaughatthesametimethatIforgavetheoldgeezer.PracticallyeverythingPopsaidhadthatreassuringtouchofinsanityaboutit.
SoitwasAlicewhosaid,"Shutup,Pop"--andrathercasuallyatthat--andsheandmewentontospeculateandthentoargueaboutwhichbuttonsweoughttopush,ifanyandinwhatorder.
"Whynotjuststartanywhereandkeeppushing'emoneafteranother?--you'regoingtohavetoeventually,mayaswellstartnow,"wasPop'slight-heartedcontributiontothediscussion."Gottotakesomechancesinthislife."Hewassittinginthebackseatandstillnibblingawaylikeawhite-toppedmangyoldsquirrel.
OfcourseAliceandmeknewmorethanthat.Wekeptmakingguessesastohowthebuttonsworkedandthenbackingupourguesseswithhotlanguage.Itwasalittleliketwosavagestryingtodecidehowtoplaychessbylookingatthepieces.Andthentheoldescape-to-paradisethemetookholdofusagainandwestudiedthecoloredblobsontheWorldscreen,tryingtodecidewhichwouldhavethefanciestaccommodationsforblaseex-murderers.OntheNorthAmericascreentootherewasanintriguingpinkpatchinsouthernMexicothatseemedtotakeinoldMexicoCityandAcapulcotoo.
"Quittalkingandstartpushing,"Popproddedus."Thiswayyou'regettingnowherefast.Ican'tstandhesitation,itrilesmynerves."
Alicethoughtyououghttopushtenbuttonsatonce,usingbothhands,andshewasworkingoutpatternsformetotry.ButIwasoffonakickabouthowweshoulddarkentheplanetoseeifanyoftheotherbuttonsglowedbesidetheonewiththeAtla-Hiviolet.
"Lookhere,youkilledabigmantogetthisplane,"Popbrokein,comingupbehindme."Areyougoingtouseitfordiscussiongroupsorareyougoingtoflyit?"
"Quiet,"Itoldhim.I'dgotanewhunchandwasusingthedarkglassestoscantheinstrumentpanel.Theydidn'tshowanything.
"Dammit,Ican'tstandthisanymore,"Popsaidandreachedahandand
armbetweenusandbroughtitdownonaboutfiftybuttons,I'djudge.
Theotherbuttonsjustwentdownandup,buttheAtla-Hibuttonwentdownandstayeddown.
ThevioletblobofAtla-Hionthescreengotevenbrighterinthenextfewmoments.
Thedoorclosedwithatinythud.
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Wetookoff.
CHAPTER4
_Anymanwhodealsinmurder,musthaveveryincorrectwaysofthinking,andtrulyinaccurateprinciples._
--_ThomasdeQuinceyin_ MurderConsideredasOneoftheFineArts
Forthatmatterwetookoff_fast_withtheplaneswingingtobeathell.Aliceandmewasinthetwokneelingseatsandwehuggedthemtight,butPopwaslooseandsortofrattledaroundthecabinforawhile--andservehimright!
OnoneoftheswingsIcaughtaglimpseofthesevendentedgastanks,lookinglikedullcrescentsfromthisanglethroughtheorangehazeandgettingrapidlysmallerastheyhazedout.
Afterawhiletheplanelevelledoffandquitswinging,andawhileafterthatmyimageofthecabinquitswingingtoo.OnceagainIjustmanagedtostaveoffthevomits,thistimethevomitsfromnaturalcauses.Alicelookedverypalearoundthegillsandkeptherfaceburiedinthechinrestofherchair.
Popendeduprightinourfaces,sortofspread-eagledagainsttheinstrumentpanel.IngettinghimselfoffithemusthavebracedhishandsagainsthalfthebuttonsatonetimeoranotherandInoticedthatnoneofthemwentdownafraction.Theywere_locked_.IthadprobablyhappenedautomaticallywhentheAtla-Hibuttongotpushed.
I'dhavestoppedhimmessingaroundinthatapishway,butwiththe
ultra-queasystateofmystomachIlackedallambitionandwashappyjustnottobesmellinghimsoclose.
Istillwasn'ttakingtoogreataninterestinthingsasIidlywatchedtheoldgeezerrummagingaroundthecabinforsomethingthatgotmisplacedintheshake-up.Eventuallyhefoundit--asmallalmond-shapedcan.Heopenedit.Sureenoughitturnedouttohavealmondsinit.Hefittedhimselfinthebackseatandmunchedthemoneatatime.Ish!
"Nothinglikeafewnutstotopoffwith,"hesaidcheerfully.
Icouldhavecuthisthroatevenmorecheerfully,butthedamagehadbeendoneandyouthinktwicebeforeyoukillapersoninclosequarters
whenyouaren'tabsolutelysureyou'llbeabletodisposeofthebody.HowdidIknowI'dbeabletoopenthedoor?IrememberphilosophizingthatPopoughtatleasttohavebrokeanarmsohe'dbeasbadlyoffasAliceandme(thoughforthatmattermyrightarmwasfullyrecoverednow)buthewasallinonepiece.There'snojusticeinevents,that'sforsure.
Theplaneploughedalongsilentlythroughtheorangesoup,thoughtherewasreallynowaytotellitwasmovingnow--untilaskewyspindleshapeloomedupaheadandshotbackovertheviewport.Ithinkitwasa
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vulture.Idon'tknowhowvulturesmanagetooperateinthehaze,whichoughttocanceltheirkeeneyesight,buttheydo.Itshotpast_fast_.
Aliceliftedherfaceoutofthespongestuffandbegantostudythebuttonsagain.Iheavedmyselfupandaroundalittleandsaid,"Pop,Aliceandmearegoingtotrytoworkouthowthisplanenavigates.Thistimewedon'twantnointerference."Ididn'tsayawordmoreaboutwhathe'ddone.Itneverdoestohashoverstupidities.
"That'sperfectlyfine,gorightahead,"hetoldme."Ifeelcalmasakittennowwe'regoingsomewheres.That'sallthatevermatterswithme."Hechuckledabitandadded,"YougottoadmitIgaveyouandAlicesomethingtoworkwith,"butthenhehadthesensetoshutuptight.
*****
Weweren'tsocharyofpushingbuttonsthistime,buttenminutesorsoconvincedusthatyoucouldn'tpushanyofthebuttonsanymore,they _were_alllockeddown--alllockedexceptformaybeone,whichwedidn'ttryatfirstforaspecialreason.
Welookedforothercontrols--sticks,levers,pedals,finger-holesandthelike.Thereweren'tany.AlicewentbackandtriedthebuttonsonPop'sminorconsole.Theywerelockedtoo.Poplookedinterestedbut
didn'tsayaword.
Werealizedinageneralwaywhathadhappened,ofcourse.PushingtheAtla-Hibuttonhadsetusonsomekindofirreversibleautomatic.Icouldn'timaginethewhyofgimmickingaplane'scontrolslikethat,unlessmaybetokeeploosechildrenorprisonersfrombeingabletomessthingsupwhilethepilottookasnooze,buttherewerealotofwhystothisplanethatdidn'tseemtohaveanystandardanswers.
ThebusinessoftakingoffonirreversibleautomatichadhappenedsoneatlythatInaturallywonderedwhetherPopmightnotknowmoreaboutnavigatingthisplanethanheleton,awholelotmoreinfact,andtheseeminglyidioticpetulanceofhispushingallthebuttonshavebeena
shrewdcoverforpushingtheAtla-Hibutton.ButifPophadbeenactinghe'dbeenactingbeautifully,withaserenedisregardforthechancesofbreakinghisownneck.IdecidedthiswasapossibilityIcouldthinkaboutlaterandmaybeactonthen,afterAliceandmehadworkedthroughthemoreobviousstuff.
Thereasonwehadn'ttriedtheonebuttonyetwasthatitshowedagreennimbus,justliketheAtla-Hibuttonhadhadavioletnimbus.NowtherewasnogreenoneitherofthescreensexceptforthetinygreenstarthatIhadfiguredstoodfortheplaneanditdidn'tmakesensetogowherewealreadywere.Andifitmeantsomeotherplace,someplacenotshownonthescreens,youbetweweren'tgoingtobetooquickaboutdecidingtogothere.ItmightnotbeonEarth.
Aliceexpresseditbysaying,"MynamesakewasalwaysalittletooquickatrespondingtothoseDRINKMEcues."
Isupposeshethoughtshewasbeingcryptic,butIfooledher."_AliceinWonderland_?"Iasked.Shenodded,andgavemealittlesmile,notatalllikeoneoftheEATMEsmilesshe'dgivenmelastevening.
Itisfunnyhowcrazilyhappyalittletouchoftheintellectualpastlikethatcanmakeyoufeel--andhowhorriblyuncomfortableamoment
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later.
WebothstartedtostudytheNorthAmericascreenagainandalmostatoncewerealizedthatithadchangedinonesmallparticular.Thegreenstarhadtwinned.Wheretherehadbeenonepointofgreenlighttherewerenowtwo,veryclosetogetherlikethedoublestarinthehandleoftheDipper.Wewatcheditforawhile.Thedistancebetweenthetwostarsgrewperceptiblygreater.Wewatcheditforawhilelonger,considerablylonger.Itbecameclearthatthepositionofthemorewesterlystaronthescreenwasfixed,whilethemoreeasterlystarwasmovingeasttowardAtla-Hiwithaboutthespeedofthetipoftheminutehandonawristwatch(twoinchesanhour,say).Thepatternbegantomakesense.
*****
Ifigureditthisway:themovingstarmuststandfortheplane,theothergreendotmuststandforwheretheplanehadjustbeen.Forsomereasonthespotonthefreewaybytheoldcrackingplantwasrecognizedasamarkedlocalitybythescreen.WhyIdon'tknow.Itremindedmeoftheold"XMarkstheSpot"ofnewspapermurders,butthatwouldbegettingveryfancy.Anywaythespotwe'djusttakenofffromwassomarkedandinthatcasethebuttonwiththegreennimbus...
"Holdtight,everybody,"IsaidtoAlice,grudginglyincludingPopinmywarning."Igottotryit."
Igrippedmyseatwithmykneesandonearmandpushedthegreenbutton.Itpushed.
Theplaneswungaroundinalevelloop,nottootighttodisturbthestomachmuch,andsteadiedoutagain.
Icouldn'tjudgehowfarwe'dswungbutAliceandmewatchedthegreenstarsandafteraboutaminuteshesaid,"They'regettingcloser,"andalittlewhilelaterIsaid,"Yeah,forsure."
Iscannedtheboard.Thegreenbutton--thecracking-plantbutton,tocallitthat--waslockeddownofcourse.TheAtla-Hibuttonwasup,glowingviolet.Alltheotherbuttonswerestillupand_locked_up--Itriedthemallagain.
*****
Itwasclearasdayusedtobe.WecouldeithergotoAtla-Hiorwecouldgobackwherewe'dstartedfrom.Therewasnothirdpossibility.
Itwasalittlehardtotake.Youthinkofaplaneasfreedom,assomethingthatwillcarryyouanywhereintheworldyouchoosetogo,especiallyanyparadise,andthenyoufindyourselfworselimitedthan
ifyou'dstayedontheground--atleastthatwasthewayitwashappeningtous.
ButAliceandmewererealists.Weknewitwouldn'thelptowail.Wewereupagainstanotherofthose"two"problems,theproblemoftwodestinations,andwehadtochooseours.
_Ifwegoback_,Ithought,_wecantrekonsomewhere--anywhere--richerbythelootfromtheplane,especiallythatSurvivalKit.Trekonwithsomelootwe'llmostlyneverunderstandandwiththeknowledgethatwe
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areleavingaplanethatcanfly,thatweareshrinkingbackfromanunknownadventure_.
_Alsoifwegobackthere'ssomethingelsewe'llhavetoface,somethingwe'llhavetolivewithforalittlewhileatleastthatwon'tbenicetolivewithafterthiscozilypersonalcabin,somethingthatshouldn'tbothermeatallbut,dammit,itdoes._
Alicemadethedecisionforusandatthesametimeshowedshewasthinkingaboutthesamethingasme.
"Idon'twanttohavetosmellhim,Ray,"shesaid."Iamnotgoingbacktokeepcompanywiththatfilthycorpse.I'dratheranythingthanthat."AndshepushedtheAtla-HibuttonagainandastheplanestartedtoswingshelookedatmedefiantlyasiftosayI'dreversethecourseagainoverherdeadbody.
"Don'ttenseup,"Itoldher."Iwantanewshakeofthedicemyself."
"Youknow,Alice,"Popsaidreflectively,"itwasthesmellofmyAlamosergottometoo.Ijustcouldn'tbearit.Icouldn'tgetawayfromitbecausemyfeverhadmepinneddown,sotherewasnothingleftformetodobutgocrazy.NoAtla-Hiforme,justBug-land.Myminddied,thoughnotmymemory.BythetimeI'dgotmystrengthbackI'd
startedtobeanewbugger.Ididn'tknownomoreaboutlivingthananewbornbabe,exceptIknewIcouldn'tgoback--gobacktomurderingandallthat.Mynewmindknewthatmuchthoughotherwiseitwasjustablank.Itwasallveryfunny."
"AndthenIsuppose,"Alicecutin,hervoicecorrosivewithsarcasm,"youhuntedupawanderingpreacher,orperhapsakindlyoldhermitwholivedonhotmanna,andheshowedyouthebluesky!"
"Whyno,Alice,"Popsaid."ItoldyouIdon'tgoforreligion.Asithappens,Ihuntedmeupacoupleofmurderers,guyswhowereworsecasesthenmyselfbutwho'dwantedtoquitbecauseitwasn'tgettingthemnowhereandwho'dfound,I'dheard,awayofquitting,andthethreeof
ushadalongtalktogether."
"AndtheytoldyouthegreatsecretofhowtoliveintheDeathlandswithoutkilling,"Alicecontinuedacidly."Dropthenonsense,Pop.Itcan'tbedone."
"It'shard,I'llgrantyou,"Popsaid."Youhavetogocrazyorsomethingalmostasbad--infact,maybegoingcrazyistheeasiestway.Butitcanbedoneand,inthelongrun,murderisevenharder."
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Idecidedtointerruptthisidlechatter.Sincewewerenowdefinitely
headedforAtla-Hiandtherewasnothingtodountilwegotthere,unlessoneofusgotabrainstormaboutthecontrols,itwastimetostartonthelessobviousstuffI'dtabledinmymind.
"Whyareyouonthisplane,Pop?"Iaskedsharply."WhatdoyoufigureongettingoutofAliceandme?--andIdon'tmeanthefreemeals."
Hegrinned.Histeethwerewhiteandeven--plates,ofcourse."Why,Ray,"hesaid,"IwasjustgivingAlicethereason.Iliketotalktomurderers,practicingmurdererspreferred.Ineedto--_have_totalkto
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'em,tokeepmyselfstraight.OtherwiseImightstartkillingagainandI'mnotuptothatanymore."
"Oh,soyougetyourkicksatsecondhand,youoldpeeper,"Aliceputinbut,"Quitlying,Pop,"Isaid."Abouthavingquitkilling,foronething.Inmybooks,whichhappentobetheoldbooksinthiscase,theaccompliceiseverybitasguiltyasthemanwiththeslicer.YouhelpeduskillthePilotbygivingthatfunnyscreamandyouknowit."
"WhosaysIdid?"Popcountered,rearingupalittle."Ineversaidso.Ijustsaid,'Forgetit.'"Hehesitatedamoment,studyingme.Thenhesaid,"Iwasn'ttheonegavethatscream.Infact,I'dhavestoppeditifI'dbeenable."
"Whodidthen?"
Againhestudiedmeashehesitated."I'mnottelling,"hesaid,settlingback.
"Pop!"Isaid,sharpagain."Buggerswhopadtogethertelleverything."
"Ohyeah,"heagreed,smiling."Iremembersayingthattoquiteafewguysinmyday.It'saveryrestfulcomradelysentiment.Ikilledeverylastoneof'em,too."
"Youmayhave,Pop,"Igranted,"butwe'retwotoone."
"Soyouare,"heagreedsoftly,lookingthebothofusover.Iknewwhathewasthinking--thatAlicestillhadjustherpliersonandthatintheseclosequartershiskniveswereasgoodasmygun.
"Givemeyourrighthand,Alice,"Isaid.WithouttakingmyeyesoffPopIreachedtheknifewithoutahandleoutofherbeltandthenIstartedtounscrewthepliersoutofherstump.
"Pop,"IsaidasIdidso,"youmayhavequitkillingforallIknow.ImeanyoumayhavequitkillingcleandecentDeathlandstyle.ButIdon't
believeonebitofthatguffabouthavingtotalktomurdererstokeepyourmindsweet.Furthermore--"
"It'struethough,"heinterrupted."Igottokeepmyselfremindedofhowlousyitfeelstobeamurderer."
"So?"Isaid."Well,here'sonepersonwhobelievesyou'vegotamorepracticalreasonforbeingonthisplane.Pop,what'sthebountyAtla-HigivesyouforeveryDeathlanderyoubringin?WhatwoulditbefortwoliveDeathlanders?Andwhatsortofrewardwouldtheypayforalostplanebroughtin?Seemstometheymightverywellmakeyouacitizenforthat."
"Yes,evengiveyouyourownchurch,"Aliceaddedwithasortofwickedgaiety.Isqueezedherstumpgentlytotellherletmehandleit.
"Why,Iguessyoucanbelievethatifyouwantto,"Popsaidandletoutasoftbreath."Seemstomeyouneedalotofcoincidencesandhappenstancestomakethattheoryholdwater,butyousurecanbelieveitifyouwantto.Igotnoway,Ray,toprovetoyouI'mtellingthetruthexcepttosayIam."
"Right,"IsaidandthenIthrewthenextoneathimrealfast."What's
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more,Pop,weren'tyoutravelinginthisplanetobeginwith?Thatcutsahappenstance.Didn'tyouhopoutwhileweweretoobusywiththePilottonoticeandjust_pretend_tobecomingfromthecrackingplant?Weren'tthebuttonslockedbecauseyouwerethePilot'sprisoner?"
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Popcreasedhisbrowthoughtfully."Itcouldhavebeenthatway,"hesaidatlast."Couldhavebeen--accordingtotheevidenceasyousawit.It'squiteabrightidea,Ray.Icanalmostseemyselfskulkinginthiscabin,whileyouandAlice--"
"Youwereskulkingsomewhere,"Isaid.IfinishedscrewingintheknifeandgaveAlicebackherhand."I'llrepeatit,Pop,"Isaid."We'retwotoone.You'dbettertalk."
"Yes,"Aliceadded,disregardingmyprevioushint."Youmayhavegivenupfighting,Pop,butIhaven't.Notfighting,norkilling,noranythinginbetweenthosetwo.Anyleastthing."Mygirlwasbeinghermostpantherish.
"NowwhosaysI'vegivenup_fighting_?"Popdemanded,rearingalittleagain."Youpeopleassumetoomuch,it'sadangeroushabit.Beforewehaveanytroubleandsomebodysquawksaboutmecheating,let'sgetone
thingstraight.IfanybodyjumpsmeI'lltrytodisablethem,I'lltrytohurttheminanywayshortofkilling,andthatmeanshamstringingandrabbit-punchingandeverythingelse.Everyleastthing,Alice.AndiftheyhappentodiewhileI'mhonestlyjusttryingtohurttheminawayshortofkilling,thenIwon'tgrievetoomuch.Myconsciencewillbereasonablyclear.Isthatunderstood?"
Ihadtoadmitthatitwas.Popmightbelyingaboutalotofthings,butIjustdidn'tbelievehewaslyingaboutthis.AndIalreadyknewPopwasquickforhisageandstrongenough.IfAliceandmejumpedhimnowthere'dbebloodletsixdifferentways.Youcan'tjumpamanwhohasadozenkniveseasytohandandnotexpectthattohappen,twotooneornot.We'dgethimintheendbutitwouldbegory.
*****
"Andnow,"Popsaidquietly,"I_will_talkalittleifyoudon'tmind.Lookhere,Ray...Alice...thetwoofyouareconfirmedmurderers,Iknowyouwouldn'ttellmenothingdifferent,andbeingsuchyoubothknowthatthere'snothinginmurderinthelongrun.Itsatisfiesahungerandmaybegetsyoualittlelootanditletsyougetontothenextkilling.Butthat'sall,absolutelyall.Yetyougottodoitbecauseit'sthewayyou'rebuilt.Theurgeisthere,it'sanoverpoweringurge,andyougotnothingtoopposeitwith.YoufeeltheBigGriefandtheBigResentment,thedustiseatingatyourbones,youcan'tstandthecitysquares--thePorteritesandMantenorsand
such--becauseyouknowthey'rewhistlinginthedarkandit'sadirtytune,soyougoonkilling.Butiftherewereadecentpracticalwaytoquit,you'dtakeit.AtleastIthinkyouwould.WhenyoustillthoughtthisplanecouldtakeyoutoRioorEuropeyoufeltthatway,didn'tyou?Youweren'tplanningtogothereasmurderers,wereyou?Youweregoingtoleaveyourtradebehind."
Itwasprettyquietinthecabinforacoupleofseconds.ThenAlice'sthinlaughslicedthesilence."Weweredreamingthen,"shesaid."Wewereoutofourheads.Butnowyou'retalkingaboutpracticalthings,as
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yousay.Whatdoyouexpectustodoifwequitourtrade,asyoucallit--gointoWallaWallaorOuachitaandgiveourselvesup?ImightlosemorethanmyrighthandatOuachitathistime--thatwasjustonsuspicion."
"OrAtla-Hi,"Iaddedmeaningfully."Areyouexpectingustoadmitwe'remurdererswhenwegettoAtla-Hi,Pop?"
Theoldgeezersmiledandthinnedhiseyes."Nowthatwouldn'taccomplishmuch,wouldit?Mostplacesthey'djuststringyouup,maybeafterticklingyourpainnervesabit,orifitwasMantenotheymightputyouinacageandfeedyouslopsandprayoveryou,andwouldthathelpyouoranybodyelse?Ifamanorwomanquitskillingthere'salotofthingshe'sgottostraightenout--firsthisownmindandfeelings,nexthe'sgottodowhathecantomakeupforthemurdershe'sdone--helpthenextofkinifanyandsoon--thenhe'sgottocarrythenewstootherkillerswhohaven'theardityet.He'sgotnotimetowastebeinghanged.Believeme,he'sgotworklinedupforhim,workthat'sgottobedonemostlyintheDeathlands,andit'sthesortofworkthecitysquarescan'thelphimwithonebit,becausetheyjustdon'tunderstandusmurderersandwhatmakesustick.Wehavetodoitourselves."
*****
"Hey,Pop,"Icutin,gettingalittleinterestedintheargument(therewasn'tanythingelsetogetinterestedinuntilwegottoAtla-HiorPopletdownhisguard),"Idigyouonthecitysquares(Icall'emculturalqueers)andwhatsortofscrewed-upfatheadstheyare,butjustthesameforamantoquitkillinghe'sgottoquitlone-wolfingit.He'sgottobelongtoacommunity,he'sgottohaveacultureofsomesort,nomatterhowdisgustingornutsy."
"Well,"Popsaid,"don'tusDeathlandershaveaculture?Withcustomsandfolkwaysandalltherest?Averytightlittleculture,infact.Nutsyasallgetout,ofcourse,butthat'soneofthebeautiesofit."
"Ohsure,"Igrantedhim,"butit'saculturebasedonmurderanddevotedwhollytomurder.Murderisourwayoflife.Thatgetsyourargumentnowhere,Pop."
"Correction,"hesaid."Orrather,re-interpretation."Andnowforalittlewhilehisvoicegotlessold-manharshandyetbiggersomehow,asifitweremorethanjustPoptalking."Everyculture,"hesaid,"isawayofgrowthaswellasawayoflife,becausethefirstlawoflifeisgrowth.OurDeathlandcultureisdevotedtogrowing_through_murder _awayfrom_murder.That'smythought.It'saboutthetoughestwayofgrowthanybodywaseveraskedtofaceupto,butit'sawayofgrowthjustthesame.Alotbiggerandfancierculturesnevercouldfigureouttheanswertotheproblemofwarandkilling--_we_knowthat,allright,
weinhabittheirgrandestfailure.MaybeusDeathlanders,workingwithmurdereveryday,unabletopretendthatitisn'tpartofeveryoneofus,unabletoputitoutofourmindslikethecitysquaresdo--maybeusDeathlandersaretheonestodothatlittlejob."
"Buthell,Pop,"Iobjected,gettingexcitedinspiteofmyself,"evenifwegotaculturehereintheDeathlands,aculturethatcangrow,itain'taculturethatcandealwithrepentantmurderers.Ina_real_ cultureamurdererfeelsguiltyandconfessesandthenhegetshangedorimprisonedalongtimeandthatsquaresthingsforhimandeverybody.
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Youneedreligionandcourtsandhangmenandscrewsandalltherestofit.Idon'tthinkit'senoughforamanjusttosayhe'ssorryandgoaroundglad-handingotherkillers--_that_isn'tgoingtobeenoughtowipeouthissenseofguilt."
Popsquaredhiseyesatmine."Areyousofancythatyouhavetohaveasenseofguilt,Ray?"hedemanded."Can'tyoujustseewhensomething'slousy?Asenseofguilt'saluxury.Ofcourseit'snotenoughtosayyou'resorry--you'regoingtohavetospendagoodpartoftherestofyourlifemakingupforwhatyou'vedone...andwhatyouwilldo,too!Butabouthangingandprisons--wasiteverprovedthoseweretherightthingformurderers?Asforreligionnow--someofuswho'vequitkillingarereligiousandalotofus(meincluded)aren't;andsomeoftheonesthatarereligiousfigure(maybebecausethere'snowayforthemtogethanged)thatthey'redamnedeternally--butthatdoesn'tstopthemdoinggoodwork.Iaskyounow,isanylittlethinglikebeingdamnedeternallyasatisfactoryexcuseforbehavinglikeacompleterat?"
Thatdidit,somehow.ThatlaststatementofPop'sappealedsomuchtomeandwascompletelycrazyatthesametime,thatIcouldn'thelpwarminguptohim.Don'tgetmewrong,Ididn'treallyfallforhislineofchatteratall,butIfounditfuntogoalongwithit--solongastheplanewasinthisshuttlesituationandwehadnothingbettertodo.
Aliceseemedtofeelthesameway.IguessanybuggerthatcouldkidreligionthewayPopcouldgotalittlesilverstarinherbooks.Bronze,anyway.
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Rightawaytheatmospheregoteasier.TostartwithweaskedPoptotellusaboutthis"us"hekeptmentioningandhesaiditwassomedozens(orhundreds--nobodyhadaccuratefigures)ofkillerswho'dquitandwentnomadingaroundtheDeathlandstryingtorecruitothersandhelpthosewhowantedtobehelped.Theyhadsemi-permanentmeetingplaceswheretheytriedtogettogetheratpre-arrangeddates,butmostlytheykeptonthego,bytwosandthreesor--morerarely--alone.Theywereallmen
sofar,atleastPophadn'theardofanywomenmembers,but--heassuredAliceearnestly--hewouldpersonallyguaranteethattherewouldbenoobjectionstoagirljoiningup.TheyhadrecentlytakentocallingthemselvesMurderersAnonymous,aftersomepre-warorganizationPopdidn'tknowtheoriginalpurposeof.Quiteafewofthemhadslippedandgonebacktomurderingagain,butsomeofthesehadcomebackafterawhile,moredeterminedthanevertomakeagoofit.
"Wewelcomed'em,ofcourse,"Popsaid."Wewelcomeeverybody.Everybodythat'sagenuinemurderer,thatis,andsayshewantstoquit.Guysthataren'tbloodedyetwedrawthelineat,nomatterhowfinetheyare."
Also,"Wehavealotoffunatourmeetings,"Popassuredus."Youneversawsuchhightimes.Nobody'sgotarighttogogloomingaroundorpullalongfacejustbecausehe'sdoneakillingortwo.Religionornoreligion,pride'sasin."
AliceandmeateitalluplikewewasacoupleofkidsandPopwastellingusfairytales.That'swhatitallwas,ofcourse,afairytale--acrazymixed-upfairytale.AliceandmeknewtherecouldbenofellowshipofDeathlanderslikePopwasdescribing--itwasimpossibleasbluesky--butitgaveusakicktopretendtoourselvesforawhileto
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believeinit.
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Popcouldtalkforever,apparently,aboutmurderandmurderersandhehadabottomlessbagoffunnystoriesonthesametopicandcharactervignettes--themurdererswhowereforeverwantingtheirvictimstounderstandandforgivethem,theoneswhothoughtofthemselvesaslittlekingswithdivinerightsofdispensingdeath,theoneswhoinsistedonlayingdown(chastely)besidetheirfinishedvictimsandplayingdeadforacoupleofhours,theoneswhoweren'tsochaste,theoneswhocouldonlydotheirkillingswhentheyweredressedacertainway(andthetroublestheyhadwiththeirmurdercostumes),theoneswhocouldonlykillpeoplewithcertaintraitsorofacertainappearance(red-heads,say,orpeoplewhoreadbooks,orwhocouldn'tcarrytunes,orwhousedbadlanguage),theoneswhoalwaysmixedsexandmurderandtheoneswhobelievedthatmurderwascontaminatedbytheleastbreathofsex,thesticklersandtheSloppyJoes,theartistsandthebutchers,theax-andstiletto-types,the_com_pulsivesandthe_re_pulsives--honestly,Pop'sportraitsfromlifeaddeduptoaDanceofDeathasgoodasanythingtheMiddleAgeseverproducedandtheyoughttohavebeenillustratedlikethosebysomegreatartist.Poptoldusalotabouthisownkillingstoo.Aliceandmewasinterested,butneitherofuswasn'ttemptedintomakingparallelrevelationsaboutourselves.Yourprivate
life'syourownbusiness,Ifelt,ascloseasyourguts,andnojoke'sgoodenoughtojustifyrevealingaknotofit.
NotthatwetalkedaboutnothingbutmurderwhilewewerebulletingalongtowardAtla-Hi.Theconversationwasfree-wheelingandwegotontoallsortsoftopics.Forinstance,wegottotalkingabouttheplaneandhowitflewitself--orlevitateditself,rather.Isaiditmustgenerateanantigravityfieldthatwaskeyedtothebodyoftheplanebutnothingelse,sothat_we_didn'tfeellighter,noranyoftheobjectsinthecabin--itjustworkedonthedullsilverymetal--andIprovedmypointbyusingMothertoshavealittlewispofmetalofftheedgeofthecontrolboard.Thecurlicuestayedintheairwhereveryouputitandwhenyoumovedityoucouldfeelthefaintestsortofgyroscopic
resistance.Itwasverystrange.
Poppointedoutitwasalittlelikemagnetism.Agermridingonanironfilingthatwastravelingtowardthepoleofabigmagnetwouldn'tfeelthemagneticpull--itwouldn'tbeoperatingonhim,onlyontheiron--butjustthesamethegerm'dbecarriedalongwiththefilingandfeelitsaccelerationandall,providedhecouldholdon--butforthatpurposeyoucouldimagineatinycabininthefiling."That'swhatweare,"Popadded."Threegerms,jumbosize."
Alicewantedtoknowwhyanantigravityplaneshouldhaveeventhestubbiestwingsorajetforthatmatter,forwerememberednowwe'dnoticedthetubes,andIsaiditwasmaybejustareservesystemincase
theantigravityfailedandPopguesseditmightbeforextra-fastbattlemaneuveringorevenforoperatingoutsidetheatmosphere(whichhardlymadesense,asIprovedtohim).
"Ifwe'reabattleplane,where'sourguns?"Aliceasked.Noneofushadananswer.
Werememberedthenoisetheplanehadmadebeforewesawit.Itmusthavebeenusingitsjetsthen."Anddoyousuppose,"Popasked,"thatitwassomethingfromtheantigravitythatmadeelectricityflareoutof
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thetopofthecrackingplant?Liketohavescaredthepantsoffme!"Noanswertothateither.
Nowwasalogicaltime,ofcourse,toaskPopwhatheknewaboutthecrackingplantandjustwhohaddonethescreamifnothim,butIfiguredhestillwouldn'ttalk;aslongaswewereactingfriendlytherewasnopointinspoilingit.
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Weguessedaroundalittle,though,aboutwheretheplanecamefrom.PopsaidAlamos,IsaidAtla-Hi,Alicesaidwhynotfromboth,whycouldn'tAlamosandAtla-Hihavesomesortoftreatyandtheplanebetravelingfromtheonetotheother.Weagreeditmightbe.AtleastitfittedwiththeAtla-HivioletandtheAlamosbluebeingbrighterthantheothercolors.
"Ijusthopewegotsomesortofanti-collisionradar,"Isaid.Iguessedwehad,becausetwicewe'djoggedinourcoursealittle,maybetocleartheAlleghenies.TheeasterlygreenstarwasbynowgettingprettyclosetothevioletblotofAtla-Hi.Ilookedoutattheorangesoup,whichwas_one_thingthathadn'tchangedabitsofar,andIgottowishinglikeababythatitwasn'tthereandtothinkinghowitblanketedthewholeEarth(starsovertheRiviera?--don'tmakeme
laugh!)andIheardmyselfasking,"Pop,didyouruboutthatguythatpushedthebuttonsforallthis?"
"Nope,"Popansweredwithouthesitation,justasifithadn'tbeenfourhoursorsosincehe'dmentionedthepoint."Nope,Ray.FactisIwelcomedhimintoourlittlefellowshipaboutsixmonthsback.Thisis _his_knifehere,thishorn-handleinmyboot,thoughheneverkilledwithit.Heclaimedhe'dbeentorturedforyearsbythethoughtofthemillionsandmillionshe'dkilledwithblastandradiation,butnowhewasfindingpeaceatlastbecausehewaswherehebelonged,withthemurderers,andcouldstarttodosomethingaboutit.Severaloftheboysdidn'twanttolethimin.Theyclaimedhewasn'tarealmurderer,doingitbyremotecontrol,nomatterhowmanyhebumpedoff."
"I'dhavebeenontheirside,"Alicesaid,thinningherlips.
"Yep,"Popcontinued,"theygotrealhotaboutit._He_gothottooandallexcitedandofferedtogooutandkillsomebodywithhisbarehandsrightoff,ortryto(he'saskinnylittlerunt),ifthat'swhathehadtodotojoin.Weargueditover,Ipointedoutthatweletex-soldierscountthekillingsthey'ddoneinservice,andthatwecountedpoisoningsandboobytrapsandsuchtoo--whichareremote-controlkillingsinaway--soeventuallywelethimin.He'sdoinggoodwork.We'refortunatetohavehim."
"Doyouthinkhe'sreallytheguywhopushedthebuttons?"IaskedPop.
"HowshouldIknow?"Popreplied."Heclaimstobe."
Iwasgoingtosaysomethingaboutpeoplewhofakedconfessionstogetalittleeasyglory,ascomparedtotheguyswhowerereallyguiltyandwouldsoonerbechoppedupthantalkaboutit,butatthatmomentafourthvoicestartedtalkingintheplane.ItseemedtobecomingoutofthevioletpatchontheNorthAmericascreen.Thatis,itcamefromthegeneraldirectionofthescreenatanyrateandmymindinstantlytiedittothevioletpatchatAtla-Hi.Itgaveusafright,Icantellyou.
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Alicegrabbedmykneewithherpliers(shechangedagain),harderthanshe'dintended,Isuppose,thoughIdidn'tletoutayip--Iwastoodefensivelyfrozen.
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ThevoicewastalkingalanguageIdidn'tunderstandatallthatwentupanddownthescalelikeatonalmusic.
"SoundslikeChinese,"Popwhispered,givingmeanudge.
"It_is_Chinese.Mandarin,"thescreenrespondedinstantlyinthepurestEnglish--atleastthatwashowI'ddescribeit.PracticallyBoston."Whoareyou?AndwhereisGrayl?Comein,Grayl."
IknewwellenoughwhoGraylmustbe--orrather,havebeen.IlookedatPopandAlice.Popgrinned,maybeamitefeeblythistime,Ithought,andgavemealookasiftosay,"_You_wanttohandleit?"
Iclearedmythroat.Then,"We'vetakenoverforGrayl,"Isaidtothescreen.
"Oh."Thescreenhesitated,justbarely.Then,"Doanyof'you'speakMandarin?"
IhardlybotheredtolookatPopandAlice."No,"Isaid.
"Oh."Againatinypause."IsGraylaboardtheplane?"
"No."Isaid.
"Oh.Incapacitatedinsomeway,Isuppose?"
"Yes,"Isaid,gratefulforthescreen'stactfulness,unintentionalornot.
"Butyouhavetakenoverforhim?"thescreenpressed.
"Yes,"Isaid,swallowing.Ididn'tknowwhatIwasgettingusinto,thingsweremovingtoofast,butitseemedthemerestsensetoactcooperative.
"I'mverygladofthat,"thescreensaidwithsomethinginitstonethatmademefeelfunny--Iguessitwassincerity.Thenitsaid,"Isthe--"andhesitated,andstartedagainwith"Aretheblocksaboard?"
Ithought.Alicepointedatthestuffshedumpedoutoftheotherseat.Isaid."There'saboxwithathousandorsoone-inchunderweightsteelcubesinit.Likeachild'sblocks,butwithbuttonsinthem.Alongsideaboxwithaparachute."
"That'swhatImean,"thescreensaidandsomehow,maybebecausewhoeverwastalkingwastryingtohideit,Icaughtanoteofgreatrelief.
"Look,"thescreensaid,morerapidlynow,"Idon'tknowhowmuchyouknow,butwemayhavetoworkveryfast.Youaren'tgoingtobeabletodeliverthesteelcubestousdirectly.Infactyouaren'tgoingtobeabletolandinAtlanticHighlandsatall.We'resiegedinbyplanesandgroundforcesofSavannahFortress.Allouraircraft,suchashaven'tbeendestroyed,arepinneddown.You'regoingtohavetoparachutethe
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blockstoapointasnearaspossibletooneofourgroundpartiesthat'smadeasortie.We'llgiveyouasignal.Ihopeitwillbelater--nearerhere,thatis--butitmaybesooner.Doyouknowhowtofighttheplaneyou'rein?Operateitsarmament?"
"No,"Isaid,wettingmylip.
"Thenthat'sthefirstthingI'dbestteachyou.AnythingyouseeinthehazefromnowonwillbefromSavannah.Youmustshootitdown."
CHAPTER5
_AndwearehereasonadarklingplainSweptwithconfusedalarmsofstruggleandflight,Whereignorantarmiesclashbynight._
--DoverBeach,_byMatthewArnold_
Iamnotgoingtotrytodescribepointbypointallthathappenedthe
nexthalfhourbecausetherewastoomuchofitanditinvolvedallthreeofus,sometimesdoingdifferentthingsatthesametime,andalthoughweweretoldalotofthings,wewereseldomifevertoldthewhyofthem,andthroughitallwastheconstantimpressionthatweweredealingwithhumanbeings(Ialmostleftoutthe"human"andI'mstillnotabsolutelysurewhetherIshouldn't)ofvastlygreaterscope--andprobablyintelligencetoo--thanourselves.
Andthatwasjustthe_basic_confusion,togiveitaname.Afterawhilethesituationgotmoredifficult,asI'lltrytotellinduecourse.
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Tobeginwith,itwasextremelyweirdtoplungefromaratherleisurelyconfababoutafairy-talefellowshipofnon-practicingmurderersintoashootingwarbetweenavioletblobandadarkredpuddleonashadowyfluorescentmap.Thevoicedidn'tthrowanygreatshininglightsonthistopic,becauseafterthefirst--andperhapsunguarded--revelation,welearnedlittlemoreofthewarbetweenAtla-HiandSavannahFortressandnothingofthereasonsbehindit.PresumablySavannahwastheaggressor,reachingoutnorthaftertheconquestofBirmingham,buteventhatwasjustaguess.Itishardtodescribehowshadowyitallfelttome;thereweresomeminuteswhilemymindkeptmixingupthewholethingwithwhatI'dreadlongagoabouttheCivilWar:SavannahwasLee,Atla-HiwasGrant,andwehadbeendroppedspangintothemiddleofthe
secondBattleoftheWilderness.
ApparentlytheSavannahplaneshadsomesortofneedlerayaspartoftheirarmament--atanyrateIwaswarnedtowatchoutfor"swinginglinesinthehaze,likestraightstringsofpinkstars"andlatertoldtoaimatthesourcesofsuchlines.AndnaturallyIguessedthatthesteelcubesmustbesomecrucialweaponforAtla-Hi,orammunitionforaweapon,orpartsforsomeessentialinstrumentlikeagiantcomputer,butthevoiceignoredmyquestionsonthatpointanddidn'tfallintothecoupleofcrudeconversationaltrapsItriedtoset.Weweretodrop
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thecubeswhentold,thatwasall.Pophadtheboxofthemclosedagainandriggedtotheparachute--hetookoverthatjobbecauseAliceandmewerebusywithotherthingswhentheinstructionsonthatcamethrough--andhewastoldhowtoopenthedooroftheplaneforthedrop(youjustheldyourhandsteadilyonapointbesidethedoor),but,asIsay,thatwasall.
Naturallyitoccurredtomethatoncewehadmadethedrop,Atla-HiwouldhavenomoreuseforusandmightsimplyletusbedestroyedbySavannahorotherwise--perhaps_want_ustobedestroyed--sothatitmightbewisestforustorefusetomakethedropwhenthesignalcameandhangontothosemyriadsteelcubesasouronlybargainingpoint.Still,Icouldseenoadvantagetorefusing_before_thesignalcame.I'dhavelikedtodiscussthepointwithAliceandmaybePoptoo,butapparentlyeverythingwesaid,evenwhispered,couldbeoverheardbyAtla-Hi.(Weneverdiddetermine,incidentally,whetherAtla-Hicould _see_intothecabinoftheplanealso.Idon'tbelievetheycould,thoughtheysurehaditbuggedforsound.)
Allinall,wefoundoutalmostnothingaboutAtla-Hi.Infact,threewitlessgermstravelinginacabininanironfilingwasn'tabaddescriptionofusatall.AsIoftensayofmydeductivefaculties--think--shmink!ButAtla-Hi(alwaysmeaning,ofcourse,thepersonalitybehindthevoicefromthescreen)foundoutallitwanted
aboutus--andapparentlyknewagooddealtostartwith.Foronething,theymusthavebeentrackingourplaneforsometime,becausetheyguesseditwasonautomaticandthatwecouldreverseitscoursebutnothingelse.ThoughtheyseemedundertheimpressionthatwecouldreverseitscoursetoLosAlamos,notthecrackingplant.HereobviouslyIdidgetanuggetofnewdata,thoughitwasjustabouttheonlyone.Foramomentthevoicefromthescreengotrealunguarded--anxiousasitasked,"DoyouknowifitistruethattheyhavestoppeddyingatLosAlamos,oraretheymerelybroadcastingthattocheerusup?"
Ianswered,"Ohyes,they'reallfine,"tothat,butIcouldn'thavemadeitveryconvincing,becausethenextthingIknewthevoicewasgettingmetoadmitthatwe'donlyboardedtheplanesomewhereinthe
CentralDeathlands.Ievenhadtodescribethecrackingplantandfreewayandgastanks--Icouldn'tthinkofaliethatmightn'tgetusintoasmuchtroubleasthetruth--andthevoicesaid,"Oh,didGraylstaythere?"andIsaid,"Yes,"andbracedmyselftodosomemoreadmitting,orsomeheavylying,astheinspirationtookme.
ButthevoicecontinuedtoskirtaroundthequestionofwhatexactlyhadhappenedtoGrayl.Iguesstheyknewwellenoughwe'dbumpedhimoff,butdidn'tbringitupbecausetheyneededourcooperation--theywerehandlinguslikechildrenorsavages,yousee.
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Oneprettyamazingpoint--Atla-HiapparentlyknewsomethingaboutPop'sfairy-talefellowshipofnon-practicingmurderers,becausewhenhehadtospeakup,whilehewasgettinginstructionsonpreparingthestuffforthedrop,thevoicesaid,"Excuseme,butyousoundlikeoneofthoseM.A.boys."
MurderersAnonymous,Pophadsaidsomeoftheirboyscalledtheirunorganizedorganization.
"Yep,Iam,"Popadmitteduncomfortably.
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"Well,awordofadvicethen,orperhapsIonlymeangossip,"thescreensaid,foroncegettingonasidetrack."Mostofourpeopledonotbelieveyouareseriousaboutit,althoughyoumaythinkthatyouare.Ourskeptics(whichincludesallbutaveryfewofus)splitquiteevenlybetweenthosewhothinkthattheM.A.spiritisaterminalpsychoticillusionandthosewhobelieveitisanelaborateruseinpreparationforsomeconcertedattackoncitiesbyDeathlanders."
"Can'tsaythatIblametheeitherofthem,"wasPop'sonlycomment."IthinkI'mnutsmyselfandamurdererforever."Aliceglaredathimforthatadmission,butitseemedtodousnodamage.Popreallydidseemoutofhisdepththoughduringthispartofouradventure,moreoutofhisdepththanevenAliceandme--Imean,asifhecouldonlyreallyfunctionintheDeathlandwithDeathlandersandwantedtogetanythingelseoverquickly.
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IthinkonereasonPopwasthatwaywasthathewasfeelingveryintenselysomethingIwasfeelingmyself:asortofsadnessandbewildermentthatbeingsassmartasthevoicefromthescreensoundedshouldstillbefightingwars.Murder,asyoumustknowbynow,Icanunderstandandsympathizewithdeeply,butwar?--no!
Oh,Icanunderstandculturalqueersfightingcitysquaresandevengetakickoutofitandwhoop'emon,buttheseAtla-HiandAlamosfolkseemedadifferentsortofcataltogether(thoughI'donlycometothatpointofviewtoday)--thekindofcatthatoughttohaveoutgrownwarorthoughtitswayaroundit.MaybeSavannahFortresshadsimplyforcedthewaronthemandtheyhadtodefendthemselves.Ihadn'tcontactedanySavannans--theymightbeasblood-simpleasthePorterites.Still,Idon'tknowthatit'salwaysagoodexcusethatsomebodyelseforcedyouintowar.Thatsortofjustificationcankeeponuntiltheendoftime.Butwho'sagermtojudge?
AminutelaterIwasfeelingdoublylikeagermandaverylowlyone,
becausethesituationhadjustgotmoredifficultanddepressingtoo--thethinghadhappenedthatIsaidI'dtellyouaboutinduecourse.
ThevoicewasjustrepeatingitsinstructionstoPoponmakingthedrop,whenitbrokeoffofasuddenandasecondvoicecamein,adeepvoicewithasortofEuropeanaccent(notChinese,oddly)--nottalking_to_ us,Ithink,buttothefirstvoiceandoverlookingornotcaringthatwecouldhear.
"_Also_tellthem,"thesecondvoicesaid,"thatwewillblowthemoutoftheskytheinstanttheystopobeyingus!Iftheyshouldhesitatetomakethedroporiftheyshouldputafingeronthebuttonthatreverses
theircourse,then--_pouf!_Suchbrutesunderstandonlythelanguageofforce._Also_warnthemthattheblocksareatomicgrenadesthatwillblowthemoutoftheskytooif--"
"Dr.Kovalsky,willyoupermitmetopointout--"thefirstvoiceinterrupted,gettingasclosetoexpressingirritationasIimagineiteveralloweditselftodo.Thenbothvoicescutoffabruptlyandthescreenwassilentfortensecondsorso.Iguessthefirstvoicethoughtitwasn'tniceforustooverhearAtla-Hibickeringwithitself,evenifthesecondvoicedidn'tgiveadamn(anymorethanafarmerwouldmind
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thepigsoverhearinghimsquabblewithhishiredman;ofcoursethisguyseemedtooverlookthatwewerekiller-pigs,buttherewasn'tanythingwecoulddointhatlinejustnowexceptgetburnedup).
Whenthescreencameonagain,itwasjustthefirstvoicetalkingoncemore,butithadsomethingtosaythatwasprobablytheresultofarapidconferenceandcompromise.
"Attention,everyone!Iwishtoinformyouthattheplaneinwhichyouaretravelingcanbeexploded--meltedintheair,rather--ifweactivateacertaincontrolatthisend.Wewill_not_doso,noworsubsequently,ifyoumakethedropwhenwegivethesignalandifyouremainonyourpresentcourseuntilthen.Afterwardsyouwillbeatlibertytoreverseyourcourseandescapeasbestyoumay.Letmere-emphasizethatwhenyoutoldmeyouhadtakenoverforGraylIacceptedthatassertioninfullfaithandstillsoacceptit.Isthatallfullyunderstood?"
Wealltoldhim"Yes,"thoughIdon'timaginewesoundedveryhappyaboutit,evenPop.HoweverIdidgetthatfunnyfeelingagainthatthevoicewasbeingreallysincere--anillusion,Isupposed,butstillacomfortingone.
Nowwhileallthesethingsweregoingon,believeitornot,andwhiletheplanecontinuedtobulletthroughtheorangehaze--whichhadn't
shownanyforeignobjectsinitsofar,thankGod,evenvultures,letalone"straightstringsofpinkstars"--Iwasreceivingacramcourseingunnery!(DoyouwonderIdon'ttrytotellthispartofmystoryconsecutively?)
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ItturnedoutthatAlicehadbeenbrilliantlyrightaboutonething:ifyoupushedsomeofthebuttonssimultaneouslyinpatternsoffivetheyunlockedandyoucouldplayonthemlikeorgankeys.Twosetsoffivekeys,playedproperly,wouldrigoutasightjustinfrontoftheviewportandletyouaimandfiretheplane'smainguninanyforwarddirection.Therewasarearwardfiringguntoo,thatyouaimedby
changingovertheWorldScreentoarear-viewTVwindow,butwedidn'tgetaroundtomasteringthatone.Infact,inspiteofmyspecialtalentsitwasallIcoulddotoachieveabeginner'scontroloverthemaingun,andIwouldn'thavemanagedeventhatexceptthatAlice,fromthethinkingshe'dbeendoingaboutpatternsoffive,wasquickatunderstandingfromthevoice'sdescriptionswhichbuttonsweremeant.Shecouldn'tworkthemherselfofcourse,whatwithherstumpandburnthand,butshecouldpointthemoutforme.
AftertwentyminutesofdrillIwasagunnerofsorts,sprawledintheright-handkneelingseatandintentlyscanningtheonrushingorangehazewhichatlastwasbeginningtochangetowardthebronzeofevening.IfsomethingshowedupinitI'dbeabletomakeastabatgettingashot
in.NotthatIknewwhatmygunfired--thevoicewasn'tgivingawayanyunnecessarydata.
NaturallyIhadaskedwhydidn'tthevoiceteachmetoflytheplanesothatIcouldmaneuverincaseofattack,andnaturallythevoicehadtoldmeitwasoutofthequestion--muchtoodifficultandbesidestheywantedusonaknowncoursesotheycouldplanbetterforthedropandrecovery.(Ithinkmaybethevoicewouldhavegivenmesomehints--andmaybeeventoldmemoreaboutthesteelcubestooandhowmuchdangerwewereinfromthem--ifithadn'tbeenforthesecondvoice,which
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presumablyhadissuedfromabeingwhowaskeepingwatchtomakesureamongotherthingsthatthefirstvoicedidn'tgetsoft-hearted.)
SothereIwasbeingafrontgunner.Actuallyapartofmewasgettingabigbangoutofit--fromantiqueBanker'sSpecialtoneedlecannon(orwhateveritwas)--butatthesametimeanotherpartofmewasdisgustedwiththeideaofactinglikeIbelongedtoaliveculture(evenasmart,unqueerone)andworkinginawar(evenjustsoastogetoutofitfast),whileathirdpartofme--onethatInormallykeepdown--wasverysimplyhorrified.
Popwasbackbythedoorwiththeboxand'chute,readytomakethedrop.
Alicehadnodutiesforthemoment,butshe'dsuddenlystartedgatheringupfoodcansandpackingtheminonebag--Icouldn'tfigureoutatfirstwhatshehadinmind.Orderlyhousewifewouldn'tbeexactlymydescriptionofheroccupationalpersonality.
Thenofcourseeverythinghadtohappenatonce.
Thevoicesaid,"Makethedrop!"
AlicecrossedtoPopandthrustoutthebagofcanstowardhim,writhing
herlipsinsilent"talk"totellhimsomething.Shehadaknifeinherburnthandtoo.
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ButIdidn'thavetimetodoanylip-reading,becausejustthenaglitteringpinkasteriskshowedupinthedarkeninghazeahead--awholehalfdozenstraightlinesspreadingoutfromablankcentralspot,asifasuper-fastgiganticspiderhadlaidinthefirststrandsofitsweb.
Windwhistledasthedooroftheplanestartedtoopen.
Ifoughttocentermysightontheblankcentralspot,whichdrifted
towardtheleft.
Oneofthestraightlinesgrewdazzlinglybright.
IheardAlicewhisperfiercely,"Drop_these_!"andthepartofmymindthatcouldn'tbeappliedtogunneryinstantlydeducedthatshe'dhadsomelast-minuteinspirationaboutdroppingabunchofcansinsteadofthesteelcubes.
Igotthesightcenteredandhelddownthefiringcombo.Thethoughtflashedtome:_it'sacityyou'refiringat,notaplane_,andIflinched.
Thedazzlinglypinklinedippeddowntowardme.
Behindme,thesoundofastruggle.AlicesnarlingandPopgivingagrunt.
ThenallatonceascreamfromAlice,abigwhooshofwind,aflashwayahead(whereI'daimed),aspatterofhotmetalinsidethecabin,ablindingspotinthemiddleoftheWorldScreen,asearingbeaminchesfrommyneck,anelectricshockthatliftedmefrommyseatandrippedatmyconsciousness!
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WhenIcameto(ifIreallyeverwasout--secondslater,atmost)therewerenomorepinklines.Thehazewasjustitsdisgustinglytawnyeveningselfwithblackspotsthatwereonlyafter-images.Thecabinstunkofozone,butwindfunnelingthroughaholeintheone-timeWorldScreenwasblowingitoutfastenough--Savannahhadgotteninonelick,allright.Andwewerefalling,theplanewasswingingdownlikeacrippledbird--Icouldfeelitandtherewasnousekiddingmyself.
Butstaringatthecontrolpanelwouldn'tkeepusfromcrashingifthatwasinthecards.IlookedaroundandtherewerePopandAliceglaringateachotheracrosstheclosingdoor.Helookedmean.Shelookedagonizedandwaspressingherburnthandintohersidewithherelbowasifhe'dstampedonthehand,maybe.Ididn'tseeanybloodthough.Ididn'tseetheboxand'chuteeither,thoughIdidseeAlice'sbagofgroceries.IguessedPophadmadethedrop.
Now,itoccurredtome,wasabullytimeforVoiceTwotomelttheplane--ifhehadn'talreadytried.MyfirstthoughthadbeenthatthespatterofhotmetalhadcomefromtheSavannahcraftspittingus,buttherewasnowaytobesure.
Ilookedaroundattheviewportintimetoseerocksandstuntedtreesjumpoutofthehaze._GoodoldRay_,Ithought,_alwaysinatthedeath_.Butjustthentheplanetookasickeningbounce,asifitsantigravityhadonlystartedtooperatewithinyardsoftheground.Anotherlurchingfallandanotherbounce,lessviolent.Acoupleofrepetitionsofthat,eachonealittlegentler,andthenweweresortofbumpingalongonanevenkeelwiththerocksandsuchslidingpastfastaboutahundredfeetbelow,Ijudged.We'dbeenspoiledforaltitudework,itseemed,butwecouldstillcripplealonginsomesortoflow-powerrepulsionfield.
IlookedattheNorthAmericascreenandthebuttons,wonderingifIshouldstartusbackwestagainorleaveussetonAtla-Hiandseewhat
thehellhappened--atthemomentIhardlycaredwhatelseSavannahdidtous.Ineedn'thavewastedthementalenergy.Thedecisionwasmadeforme.AsIwatched,theAtla-Hibuttonjumpedupbyitselfandthebuttonforthecrackingplantwentdownandtherewassomeextrabumpingasweswungaround.
Also,thevioletpatchofAtla-Hiwentrealdimandthebuttonforitnolongerhadavioletnimbus.TheLosAlamosbluewentdulltoo.Thecracking-plantdotglowedabrightergreen--thatwasall.
Allexceptforonething.AsthevioletdimmedIthoughtIheardVoiceOneveryfaintly(notasifspeakingdirectlybutasifthescreenhadheardandremembered--notavoicebutthefluorescentghostofone):
"Thankyouandgoodluck!"
CHAPTER6
_Manyamanhasdatedhisruinfromsomemurderorotherthatperhapshethoughtlittleofatthetime._
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--ThomasdeQuincey
"Andalongmerrysiegetoyou,sir,androastratforChristmas!"Iresponded,veryoutloudandrathertomysurprise.
"War!HowIhatewar!"--thatwaswhatPopexplodedwith.Hedidn'texactlydanceinsenilerage--hewasstillkeepingtoosharpawatchonAlice--buthisvoicesoundedthatway.
"Damnyou,Pop!"Alicecontributed."Andyoutoo,Ray!Wemighthavepulledsomething,butyouhadtogoobedience-happy."Thenherangergotthebetterofhergrammar,ormaybePopandmewascorruptingit."Damnthebothofyou!"shefinished.
Itdidn'tmakemuchsense,anyofit.Wewerejustcuttingloose,Iguess,afterbeingscaredtosayanythingforthelasthalfhour.
IsaidtoAlice,"Idon'tknowwhatyoucouldhavepulled,exceptthechainonus."ToPopIremarked,"Youmayhatewar,butyousurehelpedthatonealong.ThosegrenadesyoudroppedwillprobablytakecareofafewhundredSavannans."
"That'swhatyoualwayssayaboutme,isn'tit?"hesnappedback."ButI
don'tsupposeIshouldexpectanykinderinterpretationofmymotives."ToAlicehesaid,"I'msorryIhadtoslapyourburntfingers,sister,butyoucan'tsayIdidn'twarnyouaboutmylow-downtactics."Thentomeagain:"I_do_hatewar,Ray.It'sjustmurderonabiggerscale,thoughsomeoftheboysgivemeanargumentthere."
"Thenwhydon'tyougopreachagainstwarinAtla-HiandSavannah?"Alicedemanded,stillveryhotbutnotquitesobitter.
"Yeah,Pop,howaboutit?"Iseconded.
"MaybeIshould,"hesaid,thoughtfulallatonce."Theysureneedit."Thenhegrinned."Hey,how'dthissound:HEARTHEWORLD-FAMOUSMURDERER
POPTRUMBULLTALKAGAINSTWAR.WEARYOURSTEELTHROATPROTECTORS.Prettygood,hey?"
Wealllaughedatthat,grudginglyatfirst,thenwithatouchofwholeheartedness.Ithinkweallrecognizedthatthingsweren'tgoingtobeverycheerfulfromhereoninandwe'dbetternotturnupournosesatthefeeblestfun.
"IguessIdidn'thaveanythingverybrightinmind,"Aliceadmittedtome,whiletoPopshesaid,"Allright,Iforgiveyouforthepresent."
"Don't!"Popsaidwithashudder."Ihatetothinkofwhathappenedtothelastbuggermadethemistakeofforgivingme."
Welookedaroundandtookstockofourresources.Itwastimewedid.Itwasgettingdarkfast,althoughwewerechasingthesun,andthereweren'tanycabinlightscomingonandwesuredidn'tknowofanywayofgettingany.
WewaddedacoupleofsatchelsintotheholeintheWorldScreenwithouttryingtoprobeit.Afterawhileitgotwarmeragaininthecabinandtheairalittlelessdusty.Presentlyitstartedtogettoosmokyfromthecigaretteswewereburning,butthatcamelater.
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Wescrewedoffthewallsthefewstoragebagswehadn'tinspected.Theydidn'tcontainnothingofconsequence,notevenaflashlight.
Ihadonelastgoatthebuttons,thoughthereweren'tanyleftwithnimbusesonthem--thedarkeritgot,theclearerthatwas.EventheAtla-Hibuttonwouldn'tpushnowthatithadlostitsviolethalo.Itriedthegunnerypatterns,figuringtoputinalittletimetakingpotshotsatanymountainsthatturnedup,butthebuttonsthathadbeenrespondingsowellafewminutesagorefusedtobudge.Alicesuggesteddifferentpatterns,butnoneofthemworked.Thatconsolewasreallylocked--maybetheshotfromSavannahwaspartlyresponsible,thoughAtla-Hiremote-lockingthingswasexplanationenough.
"Thebuggers!"Isaid."Theydidn'thavetotieusup_this_tight.Goingeastweatleasthadachoice--forwardorback.Nowwegotnone."
"Maybewe'rejustaswelloff,"Popsaid."IfAtla-Hihadbeenabletodoanythingmoreforus--thatis,iftheyhadn'tbeensiegedin,Imean--they'dsureasanythinghavepulledusin.Pulltheplanein,Imean,andpickedusoutofit--withabigpairoftweezers,likelyasnot.Andcontrarytoyourflatteringopinionofmypreaching(whichbythewaynoneofthereligiousboysinmyoutfitshare--theycallme'thatmisguidedoldatheist'),Idon'tthinknoneofuswouldgoover
bigatAtla-Hi."
*****
Wehadtoagreewithhimthere.Icouldn'timaginePoporAliceorevenmecuttingmuchofafigure(evenifweweren'tmurder-pariahs)withthepackofgeniusesthatseemedtomakeuptheAtla-Alamoscrowd.TheDouble-ARepublics,togivethemaname,mighthavetheirsmall-braintypes,butsomehowIdidn'tthinkso.TheremustbemorethanoneEdison-Einstein,itseemedtome,backofantigravityandallthewondersinthisplaneandtheotherthingswe'dgottenhintsof.Also,Graylhadseemedbredforbrainsaswellassize,evenifussmallmammalshadcookedhisgoose.Andnoneofthemodern"countries"had
morethanafewthousandpopulationyet,Iwasprettysure,andthathardlyleftroomforadumbbellclass.Finally,too,IgotholdofamemoryI'dbeenreachingforthelasthour--howwhenIwasakidI'dreadaboutsomescientistswholearnedtotalkMandarinjustforkicks.ItoldAliceandPop.
"Andif_that's_theaverageAtla-Alamoser'sideaofmentalrecreation,"Isaid,"well,youcanseewhatImean."
"I'llgrantyoutheygotamonopolyofbrains,"Popagreed."Notsense,though,"headdeddoggedly.
"Intellectualsnobs,"wasAlice'scomment."IknowthetypeandIdetest
it."("You_are_sortofintellectual,aren'tyou?"Poptoldher,whichfortunatelydidn'tstartariot.)
Still,Iguessallthreeofusfounditfuntochewoverabitthenewslantwe'dgottenontwo(inaway,three)ofthegreat"countries"ofthemodernworld.(Andaslongaswethoughtofitasfun,wedidn'thavetoadmittheenvyandwistfulnessthatwasbehindourwisecracks.)
Isaid,"We'vealwaysfiguredinageneralwaythatAlamoswastheremainsofacommunityofscientistsandtechnicians.Nowweknowthe
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same'strueoftheAtla-Higroup.They'retheBrookhavensurvivors."
"ManhattanProject,don'tyoumean?"Alicecorrected.
"Nope,thatwasinColoradoSprings,"Popsaidwithfinality.
*****
Ialsopointedoutthatacommunityofscientistswouldeducatefortechnicalintelligence,maybebreedforittoo.AndbeingagrouppickedforhighI.Q.tobeginwith,theymightmakestartlinglyfastprogress.Youcouldeasilyimaginesuchfolk,unimpededbytheboobs,creatingawonderworldinacoupleofgenerations.
"Theygottheirtroublesthough,"Popremindedmeandthatledustospeculatingaboutthewarwe'ddippedinto.SavannahFortress,weknew,wassupposedtobebasedonsomebigatomicplantsontheriverdownthatway,butitscultureseemedtohaveafierceringredientthanAtla-Alamos.Beforeweknewitwewere,musingalmostromanticallyabouttheplightofAtla-Hi,besiegedbysuperiorand(itwaseasytosuppose)barbaricforces,andmaybedistantLosAlamosinasimilarpredicament--Aliceremindedmehowthevoicehadaskediftheywerestilldyingoutthere.ForamomentIfoundmyselffiercelyproudthatIhadbeenabletostrikeablowagainstevilaggressors.Atonce,of
course,then,therevulsioncame.
"Thisisahellofaway,"Isaid,"forthreeso-calledrealiststobemooningaboutthings."
"Yes,especiallywhenyourheroeskickedusout,"Aliceagreed.
Popchuckled."Yep,"hesaid,"theyeventookRay'sartilleryawayfromhim."
"You'rewrongthere,Pop,"Isaid,sittingup."Istillgotoneofthegrenades--theonethepilothadinhisfist."TotellthetruthI'dforgottenallaboutitanditbotheredmealittlenowtofeelit
snuggedupinmypocketagainstmyhipbonewheretheskinisthin.
"YoubelievewhatthatoldDutchmansaidaboutthesteelcubesbeingatomicgrenades?"Popaskedme.
"Idon'tknow,"Isaid,"Hesuredidn'tsoundenthusiasticabouttellingusthetruthaboutanything.Butforthatmatterhesoundedmeanenoughtotellthetruthfiguringwe'dthinkitwasalie.Maybethis_is_somesortofbabyA-bombwithafusetimedlikeagrenade."Igotitoutandheftedit."HowaboutIpressthebuttonanddropitoutthedoor?Thenwe'llknow."Ireallyfeltlikedoingit--restless,Iguess.
"Don'tbeafool,Ray,"Alicesaid.
"Don'ttenseup,Iwon't,"Itoldher.AtthesametimeImademyselfthelittlepromisethatifIevergottofeelingrestless,thatis,restlessand_bad_,I'djustgoaheadandpunchthebuttonandseewhathappened--sortofleavemyfutureuptothegodsoftheDeathlands,youmightsay.
"Whatmakesyousosureit'saweapon?"Popasked.
"Whatelsewoulditbe,"Iaskedhim,"thatthey'dbesohotongetting
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theminthemiddleofawar?"
"Idon'tknowforsure,"Popsaid."I'vemadeaguess,butIdon'twanttotellitnow.WhatI'mgettingat,Ray,isthatyourfirstthoughtaboutanythingyoufind--intheworldoutsideorinyourownmind--isthatit'saweapon."
"Anythingworthwhileinyourmindisaweapon!"Aliceinterjectedwithsurprisingintensity.
"Yousee?"Popsaid."That'swhatImeanaboutthebothofyou.Thatsortofthinking'sbeengoingonalongtime.Cavemanpicksuparockandrightawayaskshimself,'WhocanIbrainwiththis?'Doesn'toccurtohimforseveralhundredthousandyearstouseittostartbuildingahospital."
"Youknow,Pop,"Isaid,carefullytuckingthecubebackinmypocket,"you_are_sortofpreachyattimes."
"GuessIam,"hesaid."Howaboutsomegrub?"
*****
Itwasagoodidea.Anotherfewminutesandwewouldn'thavebeenable
toseetoeat,thoughwiththecansshapedtotelltheircontentsIguesswe'dhavemanaged.Itwasafunnycircumstancethatinthiswonderplanewedidn'tevenknowhowtoturnonthelight--andagoodmeasureofourgeneralhelplessness.
*****
Wehadourlittlefeedandlitupagainandsettledourselves.Ijudgeditwouldbeanovernighttrip,atleasttothecrackingplant--weweren'tmakinganythinglikethespeedwehadbeengoingeast.PopwassittinginbackagainandAliceandIlayhalfhitchedaroundonthekneelingseats,whichallowedustowatcheachother.Prettysoonitgotsodarkwecouldn'tseeanythingofeachotherbuttheglowingtipsof
thecigarettesandabitoffacearoundthemouthwhenthepersontookadeepdrag.Theywereagoodidea,thosecigarettes--keptusfromhavingideasabouttheotherpersonstartingtocreeparoundwithaknifeinhishand.
TheNorthAmericascreenstillgloweddimlyandwecouldwatchourgreendottryingtomakeprogress.Theviewportwasdeadblackatfirst,thentherecamethefaintestsortofbronzeblotchthatveryslowlyshiftedforwardanddown.TheOldMoon,ofcourse,goingwestaheadofus.
AfterawhileIrealizedwhatitwaslike--anoldPullmancar(I'dtraveledinoneonceasakid)orespeciallythesmokerofanoldPullman,verylateatnight.Ourcrippledantigravity,workingonthe
irregularitiesofthegroundastheycamealongbelow,madetheriderhythmicallybumpy,yousee.Irememberedhowlonelyandstrangethatoldsleepingcarhadseemedtomeasakid.Thisfeltthesame.Ikeptwaitingforahootorawhistle.Itwasthesortoflonelinessthatsettlesinyourbonesandkeepsworkingatyou.
"IrecallthefirstmanIeverkilled--"Popstartedtoreminiscesoftly.
"Shutup!"Alicetoldhim."Don'tyouevertalkaboutanythingbut
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murder,Pop?"
"Guessnot,"hesaid."Afterall,it'stheonlyreallyinterestingtopicthereis.Doyouknowofanother?"
Itwassilentinthecabinforalongtimeafterthat.ThenAlicesaid,"Itwastheafternoonbeforemytwelfthbirthdaywhentheycameintothekitchenandkilledmyfather.He'dbeenwise,inaway,andhaduslivingataspotwherethebombsdidn'ttouchusortheworstfallout.Buthehadn'tcountedonthelocalwerewolfgang.He'djustbeenslicingsomebread--homemadefromourownwheat(Dadwasgreatonbacktonatureandall)--buthelaiddowntheknife.
"Dadcouldn'tseeanyobjectorideaasaweapon,yousee--thatwashisgreatweakness.Dadcouldn'tevenseeweaponsasweapons.Dadhadaphilosophyofcooperation,thatwashisnameforit,thathewasgoingtoexplaintopeople.SometimesIthinkhewasgladoftheLastWar,becausehebelieveditwouldgivehimhischance.
"Butthewerewolvesweren'tinterestedinphilosophyandalthoughtheirknivesweren'tassharpasDad'stheydidn'tlaythemdown.Afterwardstheyhadthemselvesameal,withmefordessert.Irememberoneofthemusedasliceofbreadtosopupbloodlikegravy.Andanotherwashedhishandsandfaceinthecoldcoffee..."
Shedidn'tsayanythingelseforabit.Popsaidsoftly,"Thatwastheafternoon,wasn'tit,thatthefallenangels..."andthenjustsaid,"Mybigmouth."
"Youweregoingtosay'theafternoontheykilledGod?'"Aliceaskedhim."You'reright,itwas.TheykilledGodinthekitchenthatafternoon.That'showIknowhe'sdead.Afterwardstheywouldhavekilledmetoo,eventually,except--"
*****
Againshebrokeoff,thistimetosay,"Pop,doyousupposeIcanhave
beenthinkingaboutmyselfastheDaughterofGodalltheseyears?Thatthat'swhyeverythingseemssointense?"
"Idon'tknow,"Popsaid."Thereligiousboyssaywe'reallchildrenofGod.Idon'tputmuchstockinit--orelseGodsurehassomelousychildren.Goonwithyourstory."
"Well,theywouldhavekilledmetoo,excepttheleadertookafancytomeandgottheideaoftrainingmeupforaWeregirlorShe-wolfDeborwhatevertheycalledit."
"Thatwasmyfirstexperienceofideasasweapons.HegotanideaaboutmeandIusedittokillhim.Ihadtowaitthreemonthsformy
opportunity.Igothimsolazyheletmeshavehim.HebledtodeaththesamewayasDad."
"Hum,"Popcommentedafterabit,"thatwasachiller,allright.IgottoremembertotellittoBill--itwassomebodykillinghismotherthatgot_him_started.Alice,youhadaboutasgoodajustificationforyourfirstmurderasanyIrememberhearing."
"Yet,"Alicesaidafteranotherpause,withjustatraceoftheoldsarcasmcreepingbackintohervoice,"Idon'tsupposeyouthinkIwas
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righttodoit?"
"Right?Wrong?Whoknows?"Popsaidalmostblusteringly."Sureyouwerejustifiedinawholepackofways.Anybody'dsympathizewithyou.Amanoftenhasfinejustificationforthefirstmurderhecommits.Butasyoumustknow,it'snotthatthefirstmurder'salwayssobadinitselfasthatit'sapttostartyouonakillingspree.Yoursenseofvaluesgetsshiftedatinybitandnevershiftsback.ButyouknowallthatandwhoamItotellyouanything,anyway?I'vekilledmenbecauseIdidn'tlikethewaytheyspit.AndmayverywelldoitagainifIdon'tkeepwatchingmyselfandmymindventilated."
"Well,Pop,"Alicesaid,"Ididn'talwayshavesuchdandyjustificationformykillings.Lastonewasamoonyoldphysicist--hefixedmetheGeigercounterIcarry.Asillyoldgeek--Idon'tknowhowhesurvivedsolong.Maybeanexileorarunaway.Youknow,Ioftenattachmyselftotheelderlydo-goodertypelikemyfatherwas.Orlikeyou,Pop."
Popnodded."It'sgoodtoknowyourself,"hesaid.
*****
Therewasathirdpauseandthen,althoughIhadn'texactlybeenintendingto,Isaid,"Alicehadjustificationforherfirstmurder,
personaljustificationthatanapewouldunderstand.Ihadnopersonaljustificationatallformine,yetIkilledaboutamillionpeopleatamodestestimate.Yousee,IwasthebossofthecrewthattookcareofthehydrogenmissileticketedforMoscow,andwhentheticketwasfinallytakenupIwastheonetopunchit.Myfingeronthefiringbutton,Imean."
Iwenton,"Yeah,Pop,Iwasoneofthebutton-pushers.Therewerereallyquiteafewofus,ofcourse--that'swhyIgetsuchalaughoutofstoriesaboutbeingorrubbingoutthe_one_guywhopushedallthebuttons."
"Thatso?"Popsaidwithonlymild-soundinginterest."Inthatcaseyou
oughttoknow--"
Wedidn'tgettohearrightthenwhoIoughttoknowbecauseIhadafitofcoughingandwerealizedthecigarettesmokewasgettingjusttoothick.Popfixedthedoorsoitwasopenacrackandafterawhiletheatmospheregotreasonablyokaythoughwehadtoputupwithalowlonelywhistlingsound.
"Yeah,"Icontinued,"IwasthebossofthemissilecrewandIworeaveryhandsomeuniformwithimpressiveinsignia--notthebullyoldstripesIgotonmychestnow--andIwasveryyoungandhandsomemyself.Wewereallveryyounginthatlineofservice,thoughafewofthemenundermewerealittleolder.Younganddedicated.Irememberfeelinga
verydeepandgrim--and_clean_--responsibility.ButIwondersometimesjusthowdeepitwentorhowcleanitreallywas.
"Ihadanuncleflewinthewartheyfoughttolickfascism,bombardieronaFlyingFortressorsomething,andoncewhenhegotdrunkhetoldmehowsomedaysitdidn'tbotherhimatalltodroptheeggsonGermany;thebuildingsandpeopledownthereseemedjustliketoysthatakidsetsuptokickover,andthewholebusinessaboutasnaivefunaspokingananthill.
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"_I_didn'tevenhavetoflyoveratsevenmileswhatIwasgoingtobeaimingat.OnlyIremembersometimesgettingoutamapandlookingatacertainlargedotonitandsmilingalittleandsoftlysaying,'Pow!'--andthengivingalittleconventionalshudderandfoldingupthemapquick.
"Naturallywetoldourselveswe'dneverhavetodoit,firethething,Imean,wejokedabouthowaftertwentyyearsorsowe'dallbegivenjobsasmuseumattendantsofthissamebomb,deactivatedatlast.Butnaturallyitdidn'tworkoutthatway.TherecamethedaywhenoursideoftheworldgothitandtheordersstartedcascadingdownfromDefenseCoordinatorBigelow--"
"Bigelow?"Popinterrupted."NotJoeBigelow?"
"JosephA.,Ibelieve,"Itoldhim,alittleannoyed.
"Whyhe'smyboythen,theoneIwastellingyouabout--theskinnyrunthadthishorn-handle!Canyoubeatthat?"Popsoundedstartlinglyhappy."Himandyou'llhavealottotalkaboutwhenyougettogether."
Iwasn'tsosureofthatmyself,infactmyfirstreactionwasthattheoppositewouldbetrue.TobehonestIwasforthefirstmomentmorethanalittleannoyedatPopinterruptingmystoryofmyBigGrief--for
itwasthattome,makenomistake.Heremystoryhadfinallybeenteasedoutofme,againstallexpectation,afterdecadesofrepressionandinspiteofdozensofassortedpsychologicalblocks--andherewasPopinterruptingitforthesakeofalotoftrivialorganizationalgossipaboutJoesandBillsandGeorgeswe'dneverheardofandwhatthey'dsayorthink!
ButthenallofasuddenIrealizedthatIdidn'treallycare,thatitdidn'tfeellikeaBigGriefanymore,thatjuststartingtotellaboutitafterhearingPopandAlicetelltheirstorieshadpurgeditofthatunnecessaryweightoffeelingthathadmadeitamillstonearoundmyneck.ItseemedtomenowthatIcouldlookdownatRayBakerfromaconsiderableheight(butnotanangelicorcontemptuouslysuperior
height)andaskmyself_not_whyhehadgrievedsomuch--thatwasunderstandableandevendesirable--butwhyhehadgrievedso_uselessly_ insuchastuffylittleprivatehell.
Andit_would_beinterestingtofindouthowJosephA.Bigelowhadfelt.
"Howdoesitfeel,Ray,tokillamillionpeople?"
*****
IrealizedthatAlicehadaskedmethequestionseveralsecondsbackanditwashangingintheair.
"That'sjustwhatI'vebeentryingtotellyou,"Itoldherandstartedtoexplainitalloveragain--thewordspouredoutofmenow.Iwon'tputthemdownhere--itwouldtaketoolong--buttheywerehonestwordsasfarasIknewandtheyeasedme.
Icouldn'tgetoverit:herewereusthreemurderersfeelingatrustandunderstandingandsharingacommunionthatIwouldn'thavebelievedpossiblebetween_any_twoorthreepeopleintheAgeoftheDeaders--orin_any_age,totellthetruth.ItwasagainsteverythingIknewof
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Deathlandpsychology,butitwashappeningjustthesame.Oh,ourstrangeisolationhadsomethingtodowithit,Iknew,andthatPullman-carmemoryhypnotizingmymind,andourreactionstothevoicesandviolenceofAtla-Alamos,butinspiteofallthatIrankeditasawonder.IfeltaninwardfreedomandeasinessthatIneverwouldhavebelievedpossible.Pop'slittledisorganizedorganizationhadreallygotholdofsomething,Icouldn'tdenyit.
*****
Threetreacherouskillerstalkingfromthebottomsoftheirheartsandbelievingeachother!--foritneveroccurredtometodoubtthatPopandAlicewerefeelingexactlylikeIwas.Infact,wewereallsosureofitthatwedidn'tevenmentionourcommuniontoeachother.Perhapswewerealittleafraidwewouldruboffthebloom.Wejustenjoyedit.
Wemusthavetalkedaboutathousandthingsthatnightandsmokedacoupleofhundredcigarettes.Afterawhilewestartedtakinglittlecatnaps--we'dgottentoomuchoffourchestsandcometofeeltootranquilforevenourexcitementtokeepusawake.IrememberthefirsttimeIdozedwakingupwithacoldstartandgrabbingforMother--andthenhearingPopandAlicegabbinginthedark,andrememberingwhathadhappened,andrelaxingagainwithasmile.
Ofallthings,Popwassaying,"Yep,IimagineRaymustbegoodtomakeloveto,murderersalmostalwaysare,theygotthefire.ItremindsmeofwhataguynamedFredtoldme,oneofourboys..."
Mostlywetookturnsgoingtosleep,thoughIthinkthereweretimeswhenallthreeofusweresnoozing.AboutthefifthtimeIwokeup,aftersometightershut-eye,theorangesoupwasbackagainoutsideandAlicewassnoringgentlyinthenextseatandPopwasupandhadoneofhisknivesout.
Hewaslookingathisreflectionintheviewport.Hisfacegleamed.Hewasrubbingbutterintoit.
"Anotherday,anotherpackoftroubles,"hesaidcheerfully.
Thetoneofhisremarkjangledmynerves,asthattonegenerallydoesearlyinthemorning.Isqueezedmyeyes."Wherearewe?"Iasked.
HepokedhiselbowtowardtheNorthAmericascreen.Thetwogreendotswerealmostone.
"MyGod,we'repracticallythere,"Alicesaidforme.She'dwakedfast,Deathlandsstyle.
"Iknow,"Popsaid,concentratingonwhathewasdoing,"butIaimtobeshavedbeforetheycommencelandingmaneuvers."
"Youthinkautomaticwilllandus?"Aliceasked."Whatifwejuststartcirclingaround?"
"Wecanfigureoutwhattodowhenithappens,"Popsaid,whittlingawayathischin."Untilthen,I'mnotinterested.There'sstillacoupleofbottlesofcoffeeinthesack.I'vehadmine."
Ididn'tjoininthischit-chatbecausethegreendotsandAlice'sfirstremarkhadremindedmeofalotdeeperreasonformyjanglednervesthan
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Pop'scheerfulness.Nightwasgone,withitsshieldingcloakanditsfeelingofbeingabletotalkforever,andthenakeddaywashere,withitsdemandsforaction.Itisnotsodifficulttochangeyourwholeviewoflifewhenyouareflying,orevenbumpingalongabovethegroundwithfriendswhounderstand,butsoon,Iknew,I'dbedowninthedustwithsomethingIneverwantedtoseeagain.
"Coffee,Ray?"
"Yeah,Iguessso."ItookthebottlefromAliceandwonderedwhethermyfacelookedasglumashers.
"Theyshouldn'tsaltbutter,"Popasserted."Itmakesitlousyforshaving."
"Itwasthe_best_butter,"Alicesaid.
"Yeah,"Isaid."TheDormouse,whentheybutteredthewatch."
Itmaybetruethatfeeblehumorisbetterthannone.Idon'tknow.
"Whatareyoutwoyakkingabout?"Popdemanded.
"Abookwebothread,"Itoldhim.
"Eitherofyouwriters?"Popaskedwithsuddeninterest."Someoftheboysthinkweshouldhaveabookaboutus.Isayit'stoosoon,buttheysaywemightalldieofforsomething.Whoa,Jenny!Easydoesit.Gently,please!"
Thatlastremarkwasbywayofrecognizingthattheplanehadstartedanauthoritativeturntotheleft.Igotasickandcoldfeeling.Thiswasit.
Popsheathedhisknifeandgavehisfaceafinalrub.Alicebeltedonhersatchel.Ireachedformyknapsack,butIwasstaringthroughtheviewport,deadahead.
Thehazelightenedfaintly,threetimes.IrememberedtheSt.Elmo'sfirethathadflamedfromthecrackingplant.
"Pop,"Isaid--almostwhined,tobetruthful,"why'dthebuggereverhavetolandhereinthefirstplace?HewasrushingstufftheyneededbadatAtla-Hi--why'dhehavetobreakhistrip?"
"That'seasy,"Popsaid."Hewasbeingabadboy.Atleastthat'smytheory.HewassupposedtogostraighttoAtla-Hi,buttherewassomebodyhewantedtocheckuponfirst.Hestoppedheretoseehisgirlfriend.Yep,hisgirlfriend.Shetriedtowarnhimoff--that'smyexplanationofthejuicethatflaredoutofthecrackingplantand
interferedwithhislanding,thoughI'msureshedidn'tintendthelast.Bytheway,whateversheturnedontogivehimthewarningmuststillbeturnedon.ButGraylcameondowninspiteofit."
*****
BeforeIcouldassimilatethat,thesevendeformedgastanksmaterializedinthehaze.Wegotthefreewayinoursightsandsteadiedandslowedandkeptslowing.Theplanedidn'tgrazethecrackingplantthistime,thoughI'dhaveswornitwasgoingtohititheadon.WhenI
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sawwe_weren't_goingtohitit,Iwantedtoshutmyeyes,butIcouldn't.
ThestainwasblacknowandthePilot'sbodywasthickerthanIremembered--bloated.Butthatwouldn'tlastlong.Threeorfourvultureswereworkingonit.
CHAPTER7
_Herenowinhistriumphwhereallthingsfalter,Stretchedoutonthespoilsthathisownhandspread,Asagodself-slainonhisownstrangealtar,Deathliesdead._
--AForsakenGarden,_byCharlesSwinburne_
Popwasfirstdown.BetweenuswehelpedAlice.BeforejoiningthemItookalastlookatthecontrolpanel.Thecrackingplantbuttonwasupagainandtherewasabluenimbusonanotherbutton.ForLosAlamos,I
supposed.Iwastemptedtopushitandgetawaysolo,butthenIthought,_nope,there'snothingformeattheotherendandthelonelinesswillbeworsethanwhatIgottofacehere_.Iclimbedout.
Ididn'tlookatthebody,althoughwewerepracticallyontopofit.Isawalittlepatchofsilverofftoonesideandrememberedthegunthathadmelted.Thevultureshadwaddledoffbutonlyafewyards.
"Wecouldkillthem,"AlicesaidtoPop.
"Why?"heresponded."Didn'tsomeHindususethemtotakecareofdeadbodies?Notabadidea,either."
"Parsees,"Aliceamplified.
"Yep,Parsees,that'swhatImeant.Giveyouanicecleanskeletoninamatterofdays."
Popwasleadinguspastthebodytowardthecrackingplant.Iheardthefliesbuzzingloudly.Ifeltterrible.Iwantedtobedeadmyself.JustwalkingalongafterPopwasanawfuleffort.
"Hisgirlwasrunningahiddenobservationtowerhere,"Popwassayingnow."Weatherandallthat,Isuppose.Ormaybesettinguparobotstationofsomekind.Icouldn'ttellyouaboutherbefore,becauseyouwerebothinamoodtotrytoruboutanybodyremotelyconnectedwith
thePilot.Infact,Ididmybesttoleadyouastray,lettingyouthinkI'dbeentheonetoscreamandall.Evennow,tobehonestaboutit,Idon'tknowifI'mdoingtherightthingtellingandshowingyouallthis,butaman'sgottotakesomeriskswhateverhedoes."
"Say,Pop,"Isaiddully,"isn'tsheapttotakeashotatusorsomething?"NotthatI'dhavemindedonmyownaccount."Orareyouandherthatgoodfriends?"
"Nope,Ray,"hesaid,"shedoesn'tevenknowme.ButIdon'tthinkshe's
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inapositiontodoanyshooting.You'llseewhy.Hey,shehasn'tevenshutthedoor.That'sbad."
Heseemedtobereferringtoakindofmanholecoverstandingonitsedgejustinsidetheopen-walledfirststoryofthecrackingplant.Hekneltandlookeddowntheholethecoverwasdesignedtocloseoff.
"Well,atleastshedidn'tcollapseatthebottomoftheshaft,"hesaid."Comeon,let'sseewhathappened."Andheclimbedintotheshaft.
Wefollowedhimlikezombies.Atleastthat'showIfelt.Theshaftwasabouttwentyfeetdeep.Therewerefoot-andhand-holds.Itgotstuffyrightaway,andwarmer,inspiteoftheshaftbeingopenatthetop.
Atthebottomtherewasashorthorizontalpassage.Wehadtoducktogetthroughit.Whenwecouldstraightenupwewereinalargeandluxuriousbomb-resistantdugout,togiveitaname.Anditwasstuffierandhotterthanever.
Therewasalotofscientificequipmentaroundandseveralsmallcontrolpanelsremindingmeoftheoneinthebackoftheplane.Someofthem,Isupposed,connectedwithinstruments,weatherandotherwise,hiddenupintheskeletalstructureofthecrackingplant.Andthereweresignsofoccupancy,ayoungwoman'soccupancy--clothesscatteredaroundina
frivolousway,andsomesmallobjectsofart,andaslightlymorethanlife-sizeheadinclaythatIguessedtheoccupantmusthavebeensculpting.Ididn'tgivethatlastmorethanthemostfleetinglook,strictlyunintentionaltobeginwith,becausealthoughitwasn'tfinishedIcouldtellwhoseheaditwassupposedtobe--thePilot's.
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Thewholeplacewasfinishedindullsilverlikethecabinoftheplane,andlikewiseitinstantlystruckmeashavingalivingpersonality,partlythePilot'sandpartlysomeoneelse's--thepersonalityofamarriage.Whichwasn'tabitnice,becausethewholeplacesmeltofdeath.
ButtotellthetruthIdidn'tgivetheplacemorethanthequickestlook-over,becausemyattentionwasrivettedalmostatonceonalongwidecouchwiththecoverskickedoffitandonthebodythere.
Thewomanwasaboutsixfeettallandbuiltlikeagoddess.Herhairwasblondeandherskintanned.Shewaslyingonherstomachandshewasnaked.
Shedidn'tcomeanywherenearmylibido,though.Shelookedsicktodeath.Herface,twistedtowardsus,washollow-cheekedandflushed.Hereyes,closed,weresunkenanddark-circled.Shewasbreathingshallowlyandrapidlythroughheropenmouth,gaspingnowandthen.
Igotthecrazyimpressionthatalltheheatintheplacewascomingfromherbody,radiatingfromherfever.
Andthewholeplacestunkofdeath.HonestlyitseemedtomethatthisdugoutwasDeath'sundergroundtemple,thebedDeath'saltar,andthewomanDeath'ssacrifice.(HadIunconsciouslycometoworshipDeathasagodintheDeathlands?Idon'treallyknow.Thereitgetstoodeepforme.)
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No,shedidn'tcomewithinamillionmilesofmylibido,buttherewasanotherpartofmethatshewaseatingat...
Ifguilt'saluxury,thenI'maplutocrat.
...eatingatuntilIwasanemptyshell,untilIhadnopropsleft,untilIwantedtodiethenandthere,untilIfiguredIhadtodie...
Therewasafaintsharphissrightatmyelbow.Ilookedandfoundthat,unbeknownsttomyself,I'dtakenthesteelcubeoutofmypocketandholdingitsnuggledbetweenmyfirstandsecondfingersI'dpunchedthebuttonwithmythumbjustasI'dpromisedmyselfIwouldifIgottoreallyfeelingbad.
Itgoestoshowyouthatyoushouldnevergiveyourmindanykindofinstructionsevenhalfinfun,unlessyou'repreparedtohavethemcarriedoutwhetheryouapprovelaterornot.
PopsawwhatI'ddoneandlookedatmestrangely."Soyouhadtodieafterall,Ray,"hesaidsoftly."Mostofusfindoutwehaveto,onewayoranother."
Wewaited.Nothinghappened.Inoticedaveryfaintmilkycloudafewinchesacrosshangingintheairbythecube.
Thinkingrightawayofpoisongas,Ijerkedawayalittle,dispersingthecloud.
"What'sthat?"Idemandedofnooneinparticular.
"I'dsay,"saidPop,"thatthat'ssomethingthatsquirtedoutofatinyholeinthesideofthecubeoppositethebutton.Aholesonearlymicroscopicyouwouldn'tseeitunlessyoulookedforithard.Ray,Idon'tthinkyou'regoingtogetyourbabyA-blast,andwhat'smoreI'mafraidyou'vewastedsomethingthat'sdamnvaluable.Butdon'tletitworryyou.BeforeIdroppedthosecubesforAtla-HiIsnaggedone."
Anddarnifhedidn'tpullthebrotherofmycubeoutofhispocket.
"Alice,"hesaid,"Inoticedahalfpintofwhiskeyinyoursatchelwhenwegotthesalve.Wouldyouputsomeonaragandhandittome."
Alicelookedathimlikehewasnuts,butwhilehereyeswerelookingherpliersandherglovedhandweredoingwhathetoldher.
Poptooktheragandswabbedaspotonthesickwoman'snearestbuttockandjammedthecubeagainstthespotandpushedthebutton.
"It'sajethypodermic,folks,"hesaid.
Hetookthecubeawayandtherewasthewelttosubstantiatehisstatement.
"Hopewegottoherintime,"hesaid."Theplagueistough.NowIguessthere'snothingforustodobutwait,maybeforquiteawhile."
Ifeltshakenbeyondallrecognition.
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"Pop,youoldcavemandetective!"Iburstout."Whendidyougetthatideaforasteelhospital?"Don'tthinkIwasfeelinganywherenearthatgay.Itwasreaction,closetohysterical.
Popwastakenaback,butthenhegrinned."IhadacoupleofcluesthatyouandAlicedidn't,"hesaid."Iknewtherewasaverysickwomaninvolved.AndIhadthatboutwithLosAlamosfeverItoldyou.They'vehadalotoftroublewithit,Ibelieve--somesayitssporescomefromoutsidetheworldwiththecosmicdust--andnowitseemstohavebeencarriedtoAtla-Hi.Let'shopethey'vefoundtheanswerthistime.Alice,maybewe'dbetterstartgettingsomewaterintothisgal."
Afterawhilewesatdownandfittedthefactstogethermoreorderly.Popdidthefittingmostly.Alamosresearchersmusthavebeenworkingforyearsontheplagueasitravagedintermittently,maybewithmutationsandETtrickstomakethejobharder.Veryrecentlythey'dfoundapromisingtreatment(cure,wehoped)andprepareditforrushshipmenttoAtla-Hi,wheretheplaguewasragingtooandtheyweresiegedinbySavannahaswell.Graylwaspickedtoflytheserum,ordrugorwhateveritwas.Buthekneworguessedthatthislonewomanobserver(becauseshe'dfallenoutofradiocommunicationorsomething)hadcomedownwiththeplaguetooandhedecidedtolandsomeserumforher,probablywithoutauthorization.
"Howdoweknowshe'shisgirlfriend?"Iasked.
"Orwife,"Popsaidtolerantly."Why,therewasthatbagofwoman'sstuffhewascarrying,frillythingslikeamanwouldbringforawoman.Whoelse'dhebeapttomakeaspecialstopfor?
"Anotherthing,"Popsaid."Hemusthavebeenusingjetstohurryhistrip.Weheardthem,youknow."
Thatseemedaboutascloseareconstructionofeventsaswecouldget.Strictlyhypothetical,ofcourse.Deathlanderstryingtofigureoutwhatgoesoninsidea"country"likeAtla-Alamosand_why_aresortoflikefoxestryingtounderstandworldpolitics,orwolvestheGothic
migrations.Ofcoursewe'reallhumanbeings,butthatdoesn'tmeanasmuchasitsounds.
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ThenPoptoldushowhe'dhappenedtobeonthescene.He'dbeendoinga"tourofduty",ashecalledit,whenhespottedthiswoman'sobservatoryanddecidedtohangaroundanonymouslyandwatchoverherforafewdaysandmaybehelpprotectherfromsomedangerouscharactersthatheknewwereintheneighborhood.
"Pop,thatsoundslikealousyideatome,"Iobjected."Risky,Imean.Spyingonanotherperson,watchingthemwithouttheirknowing,wouldbe
thesurestwaytostirupinmetheideaofmurderingthem.Safestthingformetodointhatsituationwouldbetoturnaroundandrun."
"_You_probablyshould,"heagreed."Fornow,anyway.It'sallamatterofknowingyourownstrengthandstageofgrowth.Me,ithelpstogivemyselftheselittlejobs.Andtheessenceof'emisthattheotherpersonshouldn'tknowI'mhelping."
ItsoundedlikeknighthoodandpilgrimageandtheBoyScoutsalloveragain--formurderers.Well,whynot?
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Pophadseenthiswomancomeoutofthemanholeacoupleoftimesandlookaroundandthengobackdownandhe'dgottheimpressionshewassickandtroubled.He'devenguessedshemightbecomingdownwithAlamosfever.He'dseenusarrive,ofcourse,andthathadbotheredhim.Thenwhentheplanelandedshe'dcomeupagain,actingoutofherhead,butwhenshe'dseenthePilotandusgoingforhimshe'dgiventhatscreamandcollapsedatthetopoftheshaft.He'dfiguredtheonlythinghecoulddoforherwaskeepusoccupied.Besides,nowthatheknewforsureweweremurderershe'dstartedtoburnwiththedesiretotalktousandmaybehelpusquitkillingifweseemedtowantto.Itwasonlymuchlater,inthemiddleofourtrip,thathebegantosuspectthatthesteelcubeswerejethypodermics.
WhilePophadbeentellingusallthis,wehadn'tbeenwatchingthewomansoclosely.NowAlicecalledourattentiontoher.Herskinwascoveredwithfinebeadsofperspiration,likediamonds.
"That'sagoodsign,"PopsaidandAlicestartedtowipeheroff.WhileshewasdoingthatthewomancametoinagroggysortofwayandPopfedhersomethinsoupandinthemiddleofhisdoingitshedroppedofftosleep.
Alicesaid,"AnyothertimeIwouldbewildtokillanotherwomanthat
beautiful.ButshehasbeensoclosetodeaththatIwouldfeelIwasrobbinganothermurderer.Isupposethereismorebehindthechangeinmyfeelingsthanthat,though."
"Yeah,alittle,Isuppose,"Popsaid.
Ididn'thaveanythingtosayaboutmyownfeelings.Certainlynotoutloud.Iknewthattheyhadchangedandthattheywerestillchanging.Itwascomplicated.
AfterawhileitoccurredtomeandAlicetoworrywhetherwemightn'tcatchthiswoman'ssickness.Itwouldserveusright,ofcourse,butplagueisplague.ButPopreassuredus."ActuallyIsnaggedthree
cubes,"hesaid."Thatshouldtakecareofyoutwo.IfigureI'mimmune."
Timeworeon.Popdraggedouttheharmonica,asI'dbeenafraidhewould,buthisplayingwasn'ttoobad."TentingTonight,""WhenJohnnieComesMarchingHome,"andsuch.Wehadameal.
ThePilot'swomanwokeupagain,inherfullmindthistimeorsomethinglikeit.Wewereclusteredaroundthebed,smilingalittleIsupposeandlookinginquiring.Beingevenassistantnursesmakesyouallconcernedaboutthepatient'shealthandstateofmind.
Pophelpedhersitupalittle.Shelookedaround.ShesawmeandAlice.
Recognitioncameintohereyes.Shedrewawayfromuswithalookofloathing.Shedidn'tsayaword,butthelookstayed.
Popdrewmeasideandwhispered,"IthinkitwouldbeanicegestureifyouandAlicetookablanketandwentupandsewedhimintoit.Inoticedabigneedleandsomethreadinhersatchel."Helookedmeintheeyeandadded,"Youcan'texpectthiswomantofeelanyotherwaytowardyou,youknow.Noworever."
Hewasrightofcourse.IgaveAlicethehighsignandwegotout.
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Nopointindwellingonthenextscene.Aliceandmesewedupinablanketabigguywho'dbeendeadadayandworkedoverbyvultures.That'sall.
Aboutthetimewe'dfinished,Popcameup.
"Shechasedmeout,"heexplained."She'sgettingdressed.WhenItoldherabouttheplane,shesaidshewasgoingbacktoLosAlamos.She'snotfittotravel,ofcourse,butshe'sgivingherselfinjections.It'snoneofourbusiness.Incidentally,shewantstotakethebodybackwithher.Itoldherhowwe'ddroppedtheserumandhowyouandAlicehadhelpedandshelistened."
ThePilot'swomanwasn'tlongafterPop.Shemusthavehadtroublegettinguptheshaft,shehadalittletroubleevenwalkingstraight,butsheheldherheadhigh.Shewaswearingadullsilvertunicandsandalsandcloak.AsshepassedmeandAliceIcouldseethelookofloathingcomebackintohereyes,andherchinwentalittlehigher.Ithought,whyshouldn'tshewantusdead?Rightnowsheprobablywantstobedeadherself.
Popnoddedtousandwehoistedupthebodyandfollowedher.Itwasalmosttooheavyaloadevenforthethreeofus.
Asshereachedtheplaneasilverladdertelescopeddowntoherfrombelowthedoor.Ithought,_thePilotmusthavehaditkeyedtohersomeway,soitwouldletdownforherbutnobodyelse.Averylovelygesture._
Theladderwentupafterherandwemanagedtoliftthebodyaboveourheads,ourarmsstraight,andwewalkeditthroughthedooroftheplanethatway,shereceivingit.
Thedoorclosedandwestoodbackandtheplanetookoffintotheorangehaze,uswatchingituntilitwasswallowed.
Popsaid,"Rightnow,Iimagineyoutwofeelprettygoodinascrewed-upsortofway.IknowIdo.Buttakeitfromme,itwon'tlast.Adayortwoandwe'regoingtostartfeelinganotherway,the_old_way,ifwedon'tgetbusy."
Iknewhewasright.Youdon'tshakeOldUrgeNumberOneanythinglikethateasy.
"So,"saidPop,"IgotplacesIwanttoshowyou.GuysIwantyoutomeet.Andthere'sthingstodo,alotofthem.Let'sgetmoving."
Sothere'smystory.Aliceisstillwithme(UrgeNumberTwoisevenhardertoshake,supposingyouwantedto)andwehaven'tkilledanybody
lately.(NotsincethePilot,infact,butitdoesn'tdotoboast.)We'remakingastab(mylanguage!)atdoingthesortofworkPopdoesintheDeathlands.It'stoughbutinteresting.Istillcarryaknife,butI'vegivenMothertoPop.HehasitstrappedtohimalongsideAlice'sscrew-inblade.
Atla-HiandAlamosstillseemtobeinexistence,soIguesstheserumworkedforthemgenerallyasitdidforthePilot'sWoman;theyhaven'tsentusanymedals,buttheyhaven'tsentahangman'ssquadafteruseither--whichismorethanfair,you'lladmit.ButSavannah,turnedback
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fromAtla-Hi,isstillgoingstrong:there'sarumortheyhaveanarmyatthegatesofOuachitarightnow.WetellPophe'dbetterstartpreachingfast--it'soneofourstandardjokes.
There'salsoarumorthatacertainfellowshipofDeathlandersisdoingsurprisinglywell,arumorthatthere'sanewAmericagrowingintheDeathlands--anAmericathatneverneedkillagain.Butdon'tputtoomuchstockinit.Not_too_much.
THEEND