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The Red Branch Media Ultimate Guide to Holiday Selfies

Date post:17-Sep-2014
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So I am not sure if you’re aware, but the entire team (and we’re getting kinda big — like big in terms of numbers not weight tyvm –) made this guide just for you. And it’s funny. Not Aziz Ansari funny, but pretty hilarious nonetheless…and plus, you guys, pretty useful. It’s free and we’re useless at sending out weekly emails so you don’t have to worry about spam or anything. There are ten legit tips on how to take the ultimate holiday (or anytime) selfie in this guide. So read on playah, read on… If you are feeling strongly that this does not relate to B2B marketing or the HR and Recruiting Tech space, click here. If you just want to talk about your feelings, email us here. Enjoy the guide. It’s Rad. Happy Holidays from Red Branch Media.
Transcript:
  • The holidays are a time of loving togetherness. Of taking a moment to be thankful that you made it through another year, with your sanity (mostly) intact. A time to gather the family around the and take a great photograph.

    But gone are the days when your would set the timer on the camera and youd all wait with frozen smiles on your face until the ash blinded you and your brother made bunny ears behind you.

    Now we have smart phones. Smart phones, you might know, have created the phenomenon known as the sele. Which is a real life word now. I will pause for a moment to allow you to weep.

    Sadly, since many of us did not grow up with a smart phone, we, unlike Justin Bieber, cannot take a decent sele. And we are headed straight for sele season! How are you and your roommates going to take pictures of each other to post on Facebook to show everyone (especially that guy that dumped you THREE days before Thanksgiving) how amazing you look!?

    SELFIE(she is so not taking a selfie)

  • SELFIE Never fear, Red Branch Media is here. We hire only selfie-genic people. And they are going to teach us how to take a seasons worth of selfies that may

    just make next years card!

    Ready? SNAP!

  • No mirrors please. Okay I know I said the Beebz was a genius but no one should really take a selfie in front of a mirror. For multiple reasons:

    1. There is that weird flash thingy that makes everyone look green.2. Mirrors tend to be in bathrooms and reflect things NO ONE needs to see.3. It makes you look super vain. Someone told me this when I took too many mirror selfies.

    If you MUST take a selfie in the mirror, do it with one that is leaned up against the wall. This will make you look approximately 10 lbs thinner, which lets face it, youre gonna need post-Thanksgiving dinner.

    not bad

    very bad

  • Dont Zoom. Kyle mentions that zooming with a smartphone never works.

    Instead take the picture with no magnification and then zoom digitally by cropping it afterwards.

    Unless you want to look really blurry and pixelated, which maybe you do?

  • (she is so not taking a selfie)

    Elongate your neckThis works for men and women. It feels weird at first but with good posture, and elongated neck and tilted chin, you too can look like a supermodel.

    Well, maybe not a super model but at least not a crepe-y necked scary person. Courtney teaches us how to elongate your neck like a pro.

    1. Look at the ceiling. (If there is any shmootz up there clean itlazy)

    2. Slowly bring your head back down until you are looking UP at your phone.

    3. Angle toward your good side (mines the left).

    4. Hurry take the picture before you freeze that way!

    ELONGATE

  • Pucker your lips. Please NOTE this does not mean make a duck

    face. It is NOT our fault if you make holiday

    duck face pictures and RBM assumes no liability

    for fugs duckface photos that may appear in

    your Instagram or Facebook feed.

    This is more important the older you get as your

    lips will face away into your fade like Fire

    Marshall Bill. If you are a guy, you can just

    accept it and be cool with making more money

    than the ladies and generally being allowed to

    age as nature intended and not

    being forced to inject botulism

    into your forehead. YAY!

    Bonus tip! Shaley says that on

    Americas Top Model, the girls

    put cotton under their upper

    lip. I do not recommend this.

  • Meggie mentions that throwing out a peace sign will result in an average of two more likes per picture. We havent tested that and dont know if its true but it seems totally legit.

    There arent that many more hand gestures we can think of that would be appropriate in a selfie.

    Please note: There are three versions of the peace sign.

    Forward:Jenny from Forrest Gump. This is classic and like a string of pearls, always tres elegante.

    Backward:This is slightly more hip and should be used when youve just spend a small fortune on your manicure or if you have a massive engagement ring to show off.

    Sideways:You should not do this unless you are in One Direction and even their time is nigh.

    THROWTHEM SIGNS

  • Hey selfie addicts! (We know you are, otherwise why would you be

    reading an entire ebook about selfies? Thats ludicrous!) Anyways,

    Marissa says to keep it to one per day.

    HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAAH. Okay, here are all the ways around that rule:

    1. If you have a pet you can post more than one. Pets are also great cover for the side of your

    face that has a blemish. Ditto children.

    2. If you are growing facial hair. But for the love of ZENU, use a Biore strip first!

    3. With friends. I mean, sure everyone says this is super annoying but everyone just does it

    anyway. Smart people put all similar friend selfies into an album.

    better with two

  • everyone likes pets and

    babies. Not everyone likes

    your selfies. So if you put

    babies and/or pets into

    your selfies then maybe

    people will like them? I

    dont know.

    We just figured this was a

    good one. Although Jeremy

    makes it a point to NEVER

    like selfies with babies or

    pets because he thinks

    they are trolling for likes,

    which they are. Its like a

    never ending cycle you

    guys!!

    He prefers to wear his fur.

    Use pets and babies.

  • KNOW THYSELFSarah says its better to pretend like youre

    making fun of yourself. That way, no one else

    can make fun of you. You can do this by making a

    funny face, looking super over selfies or by

    putting on a mask at the salvation army that

    might give you a face STD.

    face std

  • You know how everyone was like

    Make a word cloud! from your blog?

    Well, Eric says that looking at your

    home page on Instagram is the same

    thing, a quick snapshot of you and all

    of your favorite things. But we know

    that Julie Andrews would look down in

    stern disapproval at all those selfies of

    you with Red Solo Cups (the official

    cups of Red Branch Media). We arent

    suggesting you dont raise a glass of

    cheer over the holidays, just hide your

    dang glass behind your back, ya lush!

    Ease up on the alcoholselfies.

  • Blur the edges of that pumpkin pie shot. Blur the dirty driveway out of

    the snowball fight pic. Blur the edges of your hot cocoa mug to enhance

    the steam. But QUIT blurring your face. We all know youre doing it. It

    doesnt make you look younger, it makes you look like a ghost.

    Selective blur is okay when:

    1. You have crazy hair that

    could pass for normal with a

    touch of blur.

    2. Your friends arm fat is

    showing

    3. YOUR arm fat is showing

    4. No other times

    Step Away from the Blur

  • There you have it folks, the complete guide to taking awesome selfies this holiday season!

    If you need more help, just like us on Facebook or Follow us on Instagram where were happy to give unsolicited

    advice for free!

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