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Copyright©1999byMatthewKellyRevisedcopyright©2004byBeaconPublishingAllrightsreserved,includingtherightofreproductioninwholeorinpartinanyform.
FirstFiresideEdition2004
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DesignedbyJanPisciotta
LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationDataKelly,Matthew.Therhythmoflife:livingeverydaywithpassionandpurpose/MatthewKelly.
p.cm.1.Christianlife—Catholicauthors.I.Title.
BX2350.3.K4532004158.1—dc222004050068ISBN-10:0-7432-7351-6
ISBN-13:978-0-7432-7351-0
VisitusontheWorldWideWeb:http://www.SimonSays.com
Contents
PartOneWhatDoYouWantFromLife?
EverythingisaChoice
DoYouReallyKnowWhatYouWant?
TheHappinessParadox
TooBusyDoingWhat?
QuietDesperation
TheFiveQuestions
TheMeaningofLife
SevenDreams
ANewPerspective
LivePassionately
PartTwoFindingYourGenius
TheGentleVoiceWithin
UnderstandingOurLegitimateNeeds
BeyondOurWants
HarnessingthePowerofOurNeedsandDesires
EverybodyIsaGenius
PartThree
The-Best-Version-of-Yourself
OverwhelmedbyExperts
ChoosingHappiness
TheEnemyofExcellence:Minimalism
AreYouFree?
FollowYourStar
CelebratingYourUniqueSelf
PartFourDiscoveringTheRhythmofLife
WhyAreWeAllSoBusy?
WhatCanCreationTeachUsAboutOurselves?
Priorities
Timing
PartFiveIt’sAllAboutEnergy
OurMostValuableResource
CreatingtheRhythm
TheThreeInstruments
Sleep:TheFoundationofEnergy
TheFirstInstrument
TheSacredHour
TheSecondInstrument
TheSeventhDay
TheThirdInstrument
TheArtofSlowingDown
PartSixTheWayofExcellence
AChildhoodLesson
WhatIsSuccesstoYou?
WhyAreTheySuccessfulatEverything?
1.TheKnowledgePrinciple
2.TheDreamPrinciple
3.TheVisionPrinciple
4.TheLifePrinciple
5.TheThoughtPrinciple
6.TheDedicationPrinciple
7.TheBeliefPrinciple
8.ThePeoplePrinciple
9.TheCommunicationPrinciple
10.TheFinalPrinciple
TheTenPrinciplesofExcellence
PartSevenLivingtheLifeYouWereBorntoLive
EnjoytheJourney
BetheDifferenceThatMakestheDifference
Leaders,Critics,Dreamers,andtheFuture
HowDoYouPerceivetheWorld?
CanYouHeartheMusic?
TheMeasureofYourLifeWillBetheMeasureofYourCourage
LetYourLightShine!
DONOTLETYOURLIFEBELIKEASHOOTINGSTAR,
WHICHLIGHTSUPTHESKYFORONLYABRIEFMOMENT.
LETYOURLIFEBELIKETHESUN,
WHICHALWAYSBURNSBRIGHTLYINTHEHEAVENS,
BRINGINGLIGHTANDWARMTHTOALLTHOSEONEARTH.
LETYOURLIGHTSHINE!
PartOne
WhatDoYouWantFromLife?
EverythingisaChoice
Everythingisachoice.
Thisislife’sgreatesttruthanditshardestlesson.Itisagreattruthbecauseitremindsusofourpower.Notpoweroverothers,buttheoftenuntappedpowertobeourselvesandtolivethelifewehaveimagined.
Itisahardlesson,becauseitcausesustorealizethatwehavechosenthelifewearelivingrightnow.Itisperhapsfrighteningforustothinkthatwehavechosentoliveourlifeexactlyasitistoday.Frighteningbecausewemaynotlikewhatwefindwhenwelookatourlivestoday.Butitisalsoliberating,becausewecannowbegintochoosewhatwewillfindwhenwelookatourlifeinthetomorrowsthatlieunlivedbeforeus.
Whatwillyouseewhenyoulookatyourlifetenyearsfromnow?Whatwillyouchoose?
Lifeischoices.
Youhavechosentolivethisday.Youhavechosentoreadthisbook.Youhavechosentoliveinacertaincity.Youhavechosentobelievecertainideas.Youhavechosenthepeopleyoucallfriends.
Youchoosethefoodyoueat,theclothesyouwear,andthethoughtsyouthink.Youchoosetobecalmorrestless,youchoosetofeelappreciativeorungrateful.
Loveisachoice.Angerisachoice.Fearisachoice.Courageisachoice.
Youchoose.
Sometimeswechoosethe-best-version-of-ourselves,
andsometimeswechoosea-second-rate-version-of-ourselves.
Everythingisachoice,andourchoicesechothroughoutourlives…andintohistory…andonandonintoeternity.
Mostpeopleneverfullyacceptthistruth.Theyspendtheirlivesarguingfortheirweaknesses,complainingabouttheirlotinlife,orblamingotherpeoplefortheirweaknessesandtheirlotinlife.
Youmayarguethatyouareforcedtoliveinacertaincityordriveacertaincar,butitisnottrue.Andifitis,itistrueonlytemporarilyandbecauseofachoiceyouhavemadeinthepast.
Wechoose,andindoingso,wedesignourlives.
Somemaysaythatwedonotchooseourcircumstances.You’dbesurprised.Wehavemuchmorepoweroverthecircumstancesofourlivesthanmostmenandwomenwouldeveradmit.Andevenifcircumstancesarethrustuponus,wechoosehowwerespondtothosecircumstances.
Othersmayarguethattheydidnotchoosethecountrytheywereborninortheparentstheywerebornto.Howdoweknowwedidn’tchoosethesethings?Weareallendowedwithfreewill.Didwenothavethisfreewillbeforewewereborn?Perhapsonedaywewillrealizethatwehavechosenmuchmorethanwehaveevenimagined.
Ihopethatdayistoday.
Forthedayweacceptthatwehavechosentochooseourchoicesisthedaywecastofftheshacklesofvictimhoodandaresetfreetopursuetheliveswewereborntolive.
Learntomasterthemomentofdecisionandyouwilllivealifeuncommon.
DoYouReallyKnowWhatYouWant?
SeveralyearsagoIfoundmyselfstandingbeforeaclassofhighschoolseniorsinCapeMay,ontheJerseyshore,intheUnitedStates.Ihadbeeninvitedtospeaktothemaboutlifebeyondhighschoolgraduation,butIfoundmyselfmoreinterestedinwhattheymighthavetosaythaninwhattheirteachersthoughttheyneededtohear.
Ibeganbyaskingthemhowlongitwouldbeuntiltheygraduated.Inaburstofexcitementandenergy,theyrepliedinunison,“Elevendays.”
WhatIreallywantedwastoenterintotheunboundedterritoriesofthehopesanddreamstheseyoungmenandwomenheldabouttheirfuture.Therewereeighty-fourstudentsbeforemethatmorning,representativesofthefuture.Iwascurious.Iwantedtoknowwhattheyyearnedfor.Iwantedtobeinvitedintotheirheartsandminds.
Iinvitedmyselfbyasking,“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”
Forafewmomentstherewassilence.Then,astheyrealizedthatmyquestionwasnotrhetorical,ayoungmancalledout,“Iwanttoberich.”Iaskedhimwhyhewantedtoberich.“SoIcandowhateverIwant,”washisreply.Iaskedhimhowmuchwasenough.“Amilliondollars,”hesaid,andIrememberwonderinghowmanypeoplethinkthatamilliondollarswillchangetheirlives.
ThenIraisedthequestionagain.
Ayoungwomansaidshewantedtobeadoctor.Iaskedherwhy.“SothatIcanhelppeople,relievesuffering,andmakealotofmoney,”shereplied.Iwishedherwellandhopedshewouldbeabletokeepherreasonsinthatorderastheyearspassed.
Iaskedthequestionagain:“Whatelsedoyouwantfromlife?”
Ayoungmantowardthebackcalledout,“Iwantabeautifulwife.”Hisfriendsgiggled,andIaskedhimifhehadbeensuccessfulinlocatingoneyet.Hesaidthathehadn’t,andIsympathizedwithhim,explainingthatIhadnot,either.
ThenIaskedhimifheknewwhathewaslookingforinawoman.Hesaidhedid.SoIexplainedthatthebestwaytoattractthatkindofpersonwastobecomethatkindofperson.
Iaskedthequestionagain:“Whatelsedoyouwantfromlife?”
Thistimeayoungmanwithafirmandconfidentvoicesaid,“Thepresident.IwanttobethepresidentoftheUnitedStatesofAmerica.”
Ithenproceededtoaskhimhowheintendedtoachievethisgoal.Heunfoldedformeandhisfellowstudentsaplanthatincludedundergraduatestudiesininternationalbusinessandpoliticalscience,followedbylawschool,localpoliticalcampaigninvolvement,anumberofsummerinternshipsonCapitolHill,atimeintheUnitedStatesArmy,andanarrayofcommunityservice.
ItwasclearthatthisdreamhadnotenteredhisheadduringthisbrainstormingsessionthatIhadforceduponthesehighschoolseniors.Hiswasn’tapipedreamorthevaindreamingwedowhilewesleep;rather,itwasthedreamingthatwedointhedaylighthours,whichgivesbirthtopurposefullivingandformsourfuture.PerhapsonedayhewillbecomethefirstAfricanAmericanpresidentoftheUnitedStatesofAmerica!
Iwishedhimwellinhisendeavors.Themoodhadchanged.Theyoungmindsbeforemehadbeendraggeddeeperintothissessionofdreammakingbytherealizationthatoneoftheirpeershadalreadyspentalotoftimethinkingaboutthisveryquestion.SoIaskeditagain:“Whatelsedoyouwantfromlife?”
“Happiness—Iwanttobehappy,”ayoungmansaid.
“Howwillyoufindorachievethishappiness?”Iasked.Hedidn’tknow.Iaskedhimifhecoulddescribeit,buthecouldn’t.Iassuredhimthathisdesireforhappinesswasnaturalandnormalandthatwewouldtalkaboutitlaterinourdiscussion—butthatcomesalittlelaterinthisbook.
AgainIposedthequestion:“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”
Ayoungwomansaid,“Amantosharemylifewith.”Iaskedher,asIhadaskedtheyoungmanearlier,ifshehadsucceededinlocatingone.Shewasn’tshy,andshevolleyedbysaying,“HowwillIknowwhenIfindhim?HowwillIknowheistheone?”
“Waitforthemanwhomakesyouwanttobeabetterperson,amanwhoinspiresyoubecauseheisalwaysstrivingtobetterhimself.
“It’snotabouthowhelooks,orhowhelooksatyou.Notthatthesethingsarenotconsiderations.It’snotaboutgifts.Alltoooftengiftsareonlyexcusesandapologiesfornotgivingtheonlytruegift—ourselves.Whenyouarewonderingifhereallyistheoneforyou,considerthisoneidea:Youdeservetobecherished.Cherished!Notjustloved.Cherished!”
Weheldeyecontactforamomentortwo,hereyesbegantowellwithtears,andIknewsheunderstood.
Now,theroomwasfilledwithaprofoundsilenceasIaskedthequestionagain:“Whatelsedoyouwantfromlife?”
Afterafewmomentsofthatsilenceacrowdexudeswhenitisalmostexhaustedofinput,ayoungladysaid,“Iwanttotravel.”
Iencouragedhertotravelasearlyinheradultlifeaspossible,explainingthat“travelopensourmindstodifferentcultures,philosophies,andworldviews.Travelopensourheartstothepeopleofforeignlandsandtheirdifferenttraditionsandcreeds.Traveldissolvesthestainsofprejudicethatinfectourheartsandsocieties.Moneyspentontravelismoneywellspentonaneducationthatyouwillneverreceivefromabookorinaclassroom.”
Now,Iaskedthequestiononemoretime:“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”Butthecrowdwasquiet,andexhausted,andstill.
Iwassurprised.Iwasdisappointed.Ifeltanachewithinme.
Inlessthantwentyminutes,eighty-fourhighschoolseniorshadbecomeexhaustedoftheirhopes,dreams,plans,andambitionsforthefuture.Ifthatwasnotcompletelytrue,thenwhatevertheyhadfailedtosharewaseithernotworth
sharingortheylackedtheconfidencetoshareit.Sevenstudentshadbeenabletosummarizethedreamsofalleighty-four.WasIstillinthelandofinfinitedreamsandopportunities?Iwondered.
IfIhadaskedthemtotellmewhatwaswrongwiththeeducationsystem,ourdiscussionmighthavelastedforhours.IfIhadaskedthemabouttheirfavoritesportinghighlight,ortelevisionsitcom,thediscussionmighthavelastedallday.Havewebecomemoreinterestedinspectatorsportsandtelevisionsitcomsthaninourownfuture?
Itconstantlyamazesmethatmenandwomenwandertheearthmarvelingatthehighestmountains,thedeepestoceans,thewhitestsands,themostexoticislands,themostintriguingbirdsoftheairandfishofthesea—andallthetimeneverstoptomarvelatthemselvesandrealizetheirinfinitepotentialashumanbeings.
Morepeoplehaveaccesstoeducationtodaythaneverbefore.ButIcannothelpbutfeelthatthemoderneducationalexperienceisnotpreparingusadequatelytoattendtherichbanquetoflife.Certainlytheyoungpeopleoftodayhavemasteredtheuseoftechnologyandarecapableofsolvingcomplexscientificandmathematicalproblems,butwhoandwhatdotheseserveiftheycannotthinkforthemselves?Iftheyhavenounderstandingofthemeaningandpurposeoftheirownlives?Iftheydonotknowwhotheyareasindividuals?
Thatimpromptuquestion—“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”—hasbecomearegularpartofmydialoguewithfriends,colleagues,lovedones,andstrangersonplanes.Iaskitasatooltohelpmetounderstandothers,andIaskittofurtherunderstandmyself.
Forthemostpart,theanswerspeopletendtogivearevagueandgeneral,notatallthoughtout.Mostpeopleseemsurprisedbythequestion.Ihavebeenaccusedofbeingtoodeeponanumberofoccasions,andonlyveryrarelydoessomeonesay,“Iwantthesethings…,forthesereasons…,andthisishowIintendtoachievethem….”Withoutexception,thesearethepeoplewhoarelivinglifepassionatelyandenthusiastically.Theyveryrarelycomplain,theydon’ttalknegativelyaboutothers,andyouneverhearthemrefertohappinessassomefutureeventlinkedtoretirement,marriage,apromotion,orsome
unexpectedwindfallofmoney.
So,whatdotheyhavethatmostpeopledon’t?Theyknowwhattheywant.Doyouknowwhatyouwant?
Mostpeoplecantellyouexactlywhattheydon’twant,butveryfewhavethesameclarityaboutwhattheydowant.
Ifyoudon’tknowwhatyouwantfromlife,everythingwillappeareitherasanobstacleorasaburden.Butoneofthegreatlessonsofhistoryisthatthewholeworldgetsoutofthewayforpeoplewhoknowwhattheywantorwheretheyaregoing.Beassured,ifyoudon’tknowwhereyouaregoing,youarelost.
Donotsay,“Iamtooold.”
Don’tsay,“I’mtooyoung.”
TigerWoodswasthreeyearsoldwhenheshot48fornineholesonhishometowngolfcourseinCypress,California.
JulieAndrewswaseightyearsoldwhenshemasteredanastoundingfour-octavesingingrange.
Mozartwaseightyearsoldwhenhewrotehisfirstsymphony.
CharlesDickenswastwelveyearsoldwhenhequitschooltoworkinafactory,pastinglabelsonbottlesofshoepolish,becausehisfatherhadbeenimprisonedfordebt.
AnneFrankwasthirteenyearsoldwhenshebeganherdiary.
RalphWaldoEmersonwasfourteenyearsoldwhenheenrolledatHarvard.
PaulMcCartneywasfifteenyearsoldwhenJohnLennoninvitedhimtojoinaband.
BillGateswasnineteenyearsoldwhenhecofoundedMicrosoft.
PlatowastwentyyearsoldwhenhebecameastudentofSocrates.
JoeDiMaggiowastwenty-sixyearsoldwhenhehitsafelyinfifty-six
consecutivegames.
HenryDavidThoreauwastwenty-sevenyearsoldwhenhemovedtotheshoreofWaldenPond,builtahouse,plantedagarden,andbeganatwo-yearexperimentinsimplicityandself-reliance.
RalphLaurenwastwenty-nineyearsoldwhenhecreatedPolo.
WilliamShakespearewasthirty-oneyearsoldwhenhewroteRomeoandJuliet.
BillGateswasthirty-oneyearsoldwhenhebecameabillionaire.
ThomasJeffersonwasthirty-threeyearsoldwhenhewrotetheDeclarationofIndependence.
CocoChanelwasthirty-eightyearsoldwhensheintroducedherperfumeChanelNo.5.
MotherTeresawasfortyyearsoldwhenshefoundedtheMissionariesofCharity.
JackNicklauswasforty-sixyearsoldwhenheshot65inthefinalround,and30onthebacknine,towintheMasters.
HenryFordwasfiftyyearsoldwhenhestartedhisfirstmanufacturingassemblyline.
RayKrocwasafifty-two-year-oldmilkshakemachinesalesmanwhenheboughtoutMacandDickMcDonaldandofficiallystartedMcDonald’s.
PabloPicassowasfifty-fiveyearsoldwhenhepaintedGuernica.
DomPérignonwassixtyyearsoldwhenhefirstproducedchampagne.
OscarHammersteinIIwassixty-fouryearsoldwhenhewrotethelyricsforTheSoundofMusic.
WinstonChurchillwassixty-fiveyearsoldwhenhebecameBritain’sprimeminister.
NelsonMandelawasseventy-oneyearsoldwhenhewasreleasedfromaSouthAfricanprison.FouryearslaterhewaselectedpresidentofSouthAfrica.
Michelangelowasseventy-twoyearsoldwhenhedesignedthedomeofSt.Peter’sBasilicainRome.
AugusteRodinwasseventy-sixyearsoldwhenhefinallymarriedRoseBeuret,whomhemetwhenhewastwenty-three.
BenjaminFranklinwasseventy-nineyearsoldwhenheinventedbifocaleyeglasses.
FrankLloydWrightwasninety-oneyearsoldwhenhecompletedhisworkontheGuggenheimMuseum.
DimitrionYordanidiswasninety-eightyearsoldwhenheranamarathoninsevenhoursandthirty-threeminutes,inAthens,Greece.
IchijirouArayawasonehundredyearsoldwhenheclimbedMountFuji.
Whetheryouaresixteenorsixty,therestofyourlifeisaheadofyou.Youcannotchangeonemomentofyourpast,butyoucanchangeyourwholefuture.Nowisyourtime.
Whatdoyouwantfromlife?Whatareyourdreams?
Thinkaboutit.Stopreading.Ponderit.Writeyouranswersdown.Makealist.
Putthisbookasidenow—andbeforeyoureadon,spendfiveminutesorfivehoursansweringthequestionforyourself.Whatdoyouwantfromlife?
Maybeyouhavealreadythoughtlongandhardaboutthisquestionbuthaveneverwrittenitdown.Ontheotherhand,ifyouhavenevertakentimetoseriouslyaddressthequestion,don’tpretendthatyouhave.Takethetime.Thinkitover.Writeitdown.
Therearenorightorwronganswers.Writequickly.Don’tthinktoomuch.
Don’tanalyzeoredityourselfasyoumakeyourlist.Writeeverythingdown,eventheonesyoufeelarefoolish.Youranswersdon’thavetobedefinitive.Theywillchangeovertime.That’sokay.Infact,someofthemwillprobablychangebythetimeyoufinishthisbook.Butitisstillimportanttowritethemdownnow.Itwillhelpyouasyoureadthroughtherestofthisbookandasyouventurethroughtherestofyourlife.Sowriteyourlist,andwhenyouaredone,dateit.
Startanewnotebook.IhavewhatIliketocallmydream-book.It’saregularjournalwithblankpages,andIfillthosepageswithmyhopesanddreamsandwordsandideasthatinspireme.
Eachdayinmyquiettime,Iflickthroughthepagesofmydream-bookandIseethingsIhadwrittenthree,four,fiveyearsago,thingsthatseemedimpossibleatthetime.Todaytheyseeminsignificant,becauseIhavegrown,achievedthosedreams,andmovedon.InowalsorealizethatotherthingsIthoughtIwantedarenotasimportanttomeasIimaginedtheywere.
Evenifyouwriteyourlistnow,putitawayanddon’tlookatitforayear.Whenyoudotakethatlistoutoneyearfromnow,youwillbeamazedbytheself-revelationitwillaffordyou.
Stopreading.Putthebookdown.WhatyouareabouttowriteonthatpaperisinfinitelymoreimportantthananythingelseIhavetosayinthisbook.
TheHappinessParadox
Whateveryouwroteonyourlist,chancesarethosearethethings,places,people,andexperiencesthatyoubelievewillmakeyouhappy.Youmayobject,sayingthatyouhavewrittensomeofthethingsonyourlistbecauseyouknowthatbydoingthem,youwillmakesomeoneelsehappy.Butbymakingthemhappy,youwillalsoshareinthathappiness.EvenifyouwroteonyourlistthatyouwantedworldpeaceandtofeedthestarvingpeopleofAfricaandwrotethosethingsforcompletelyaltruisticreasons…theirattainmentwillalsobringyougreathappiness.
Thethingsyouputonyourlistrepresenthappinesstoyou.
Everybodywantstobehappy.Youwanttobehappy,andIwanttobehappy.Thehumanpersonhasanaturalthirstforhappiness,andwedothethingswedobecausewebelievetheywillmakeushappy.
Fromtimetotime,peopledostupidthings.Wemaylookatthemandscratchourheads.Wemaywonder,“Whywouldanybodyeverdosomethingsostupid?”or,“Don’ttheyknowthatisgoingtomakethemmiserable?”Butbeassured,thereasonpeopledostupidthingsisbecausetheymistakenlybelievethosestupidthingswillmakethemhappy.
Peopledonotwakeupinthemorningandaskthemselves,“HowcanImakemyselfmiserabletoday?”
Thehumanheartisonaquestforhappiness.Wegivethishappinessdifferentnamesandmasks,andweliveourlivesinsearchofit.
Thisisthegreatmodernparadox:Weknowthethingsthatmakeushappy;wejustdon’tdothem.
Therearefouraspectstothehumanperson:physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.
Physically,whenyouexerciseregularly,sleepregularly,eattherightsortsoffoods,andbalanceyourdiet,howdoyoufeel?Youfeelfantastic.Youfeelmorefullyalive.You’rehealthier,happier,andyouhavearicher,moreabundantexperienceoflife.
Emotionally,whenyougivefocusandprioritytoyourrelationships,whathappens?Youswitchthefocusoffyourselfandontoothers.Asyoudo,yourabilitytoloveincreases…andasyourabilitytoloveincreases,yourabilitytobelovedincreases.Youbecomemoreawareofyourself,developamorebalancedviewoflife,andexperienceadeepersenseoffulfillment.You’rehealthier.You’rehappier.
Intellectually,whenyoutaketenorfifteenminutesadaytoreadagoodbook,whathappens?Yourvisionofyourselfexpands;yourvisionoftheworldexpands.Youbecomemorefocused,morealert,andmorevibrant.Clarityreplacesconfusion.Youfeelmorefullyalive,andyouarehappier.
Finally,spiritually,whenyoutakeafewmomentseachdaytostepintotheclassroomofsilenceandreconnectwithyourselfandwithyourGod,whathappens?Thegentlevoicewithingrowsstronger,andyoudevelopadeepersenseofpeace,purpose,anddirection.You’rehealthier,you’rehappier,andyouhavearicherexperienceoflife.
Physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually,weknowthethingsthatinfuseourliveswithpassionandenthusiasm.Weknowthethingsthatmakeushappy.Wejustdon’tdothem.
Itdoesn’tmakesense,doesit?
Ontheonehand,weallwanttobehappy.Ontheotherhand,weallknowthethingsthatmakeushappy.Butwedon’tdothosethings.Why?Simple.Wearetoobusy.Toobusydoingwhat?Toobusytryingtobehappy.
Thisistheparadoxofhappinessthathasbewitchedourage.
TooBusyDoingWhat?
Physically—wedon’texerciseregularlybecausewe’retoobusy.Wedon’teattherighttypesoffood,becausetheytaketoolongtoprepare,it’stooeasytogothroughthedrive-through,andwe’retoobusy.
Wedon’tsleepregularly,becausetherearestillonlytwenty-fourhoursinaday.Wefeelasthoughourliveshaveamomentumoftheirown,thattheywouldgoonwithorwithoutus.Ourlistofthethingswehavetodojustgetslongerandlonger.Weneverfeelthatwegetcaughtup;wejustgetmoreandmorebehindeveryday.Seriously,whenwasthelasttimeyousatdown,tookadeepbreath,andsaidtoyourself,“I’mcaughtupnow!”Sowerusharoundlateatnightdoingfifty-fivelittlethingsbeforewegotobedandrobbingourselvesoftheprecioussleepthatrebuildsandrejuvenatesus.Why?Wearetoobusy.
Emotionally—mostofusknowthatthehappiestpeopleontheplanetarethosewhoarefocusedintheirpersonalrelationships.Relationshipsthriveunderonecondition:carefreetimelessness.Dowegiftourrelationshipswithcarefreetimelessness?Ofcoursewedon’t.Weshovethemintotenminuteshereandfifteenminutesthere.Wegivethemtheworsttime,whenwearemosttiredandleastemotionallyavailable.Why?Wearetoobusy.
Intellectually—wedon’teventakethosetenorfifteenminuteseachdaytoreadgoodbooksthatchallengeustochange,togrow,andtobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Why?Wedon’thavetime.Wearetoobusy.
Spiritually—mostpeopleveryrarelystepintotheclassroomofsilencetoreconnectwiththemselvesandtheirGod.Why?Weareafraidofwhatwemightdiscoveraboutourselvesandaboutourlives.Weareafraidwemightbechallengedtochange.Andwearetoobusy.
Itbegsthequestion,doesn’tit?Whatarewealltoobusydoing?
Forthemostpart,wearetoobusydoingjustabouteverything,thatmeansjustaboutnothing,tojustaboutnobody,justaboutanywhere…andwillmeanevenlesstoanyoneahundredyearsfromnow!
QuietDesperation
Ahundredandfiftyyearsago,HenryDavidThoreauleftConcord,Massachusetts,becausehebelievedithadbecometoonoisy,toodistracting,andtoobusy.HewentofftoWaldenPondtoreconnectwithhimselfandwithnature.Ittookhimonlysevenpagesinhiswritingsandreflectionstoconclude,“Mostmenleadlivesofquietdesperation.”
Duringmyshortlife,Ihavehadtheprivilegeoftravelinginmorethanfiftycountries,andIhaveseennothingtomakemebelievethatThoreauwouldchangehismindtoday.Mostpeoplearenotthriving;mostpeoplearejustsurviving,justgettingby,justhangingon.Itis,infact,arareandpleasantsurprisetofindsomeonewhoistrulythriving.
AfriendrecentlydrewmyattentiontoaTimemagazinearticledevotedtothequestion“Whyiseverythinggettingbetter?”Thearticle’sauthorusedeconomicsashissolemeasureandreasonforlifegettingbetter.Hisonlyexaminationofourliveswaseconomic.Wearericher.Wehavemoredisposableincome.Wehavemorechoicesatthegrocerystore.Wehavemoreinourretirementaccounts.Wehavemorecars,andwecanturnthemintotheleasingagenteverythreeyearsandgetnewones.
Iseverythinggettingbetter?It’sagoodquestion,butonethatneedstobeassessedalittlemoreseriouslythansolelyfromtheperspectiveoftheeconomicindexofhappiness.
Allowmetoofferjustafewbriefthoughtsforyourconsideration.
WeprescribemoremedicationfordepressioninAmericatodaythanforanyotherillness.
Thesuiciderateamongteensandyoungadultshasincreasedby5,000
percentinthelastfiftyyears.Ifthemassiveincreasesinsuicideamongtheyoungergenerationsofanycivilizationarenotasignthatallisnotwell,nothingis.
Finally,itisbecomingmoreandmoreapparentthatsuicideisdirectlyproportionaltowealth.Whatdoesthatmean?Studiesrevealthatthemoremoneyyouhave,themorelikelyyouaretotakeyourownlife.PeterKreeftcapturedthealarmingrealityinarecentarticleofhisown:“Thericheryouare,thericheryourfamilyis,andthericheryourcountryis,themorelikelyitisthatyouwillfindlifesogoodthatyouwillchoosetoblowyourbrainsout.”Economicsisclearlynotagoodmeasureofhappiness.
Yes,wehavemorematerialpossessionsthaneverbefore,buttodirectlyconcludethat“lifeisgettingbetter”simplybecauseofeconomicprosperityrequiresanaïvetéandnarrow-mindednessofmonumentalproportions.
Ifyouscratchjustbelowthesurfaceoftheeconomicsuccessofourage,therearesomeverydisturbingsigns.Inanageofunprecedentedprosperity,therearemillionswhofeelthatsomethingismissingintheirlives.
What’stheproblem?Whatismissing?Whatisitthatweneedthatwedon’thave?Howdowegetit?
Anumberoftrendsareemerginginourmodernculturethataretelltalesignsthatallisnotwellintheheartsandmindsofthepeople.Depressionandsuicideratesnearingepidemiclevelsarecertainlyamongthem.Butanotheremergingtrendworthyofourconsiderationisourmoderninabilitytosustainrelationships.
Morethanoneineverytwomarriagesendsindivorceorseparation.Weareallfamiliarwiththestatistic,buthavewestoppedtoseriouslyconsiderwhy?Haveyounoticedthatfewerandfewerpeoplearegettingmarried?Itisafactthatismaskedbytheenormousnumberofpeoplegettingremarried.Areyounoticingmoreandmoreyoungpeopledespairingabouttheirpartner’sinability,hesitancy,orunwillingnesstocommittomarriage?
Ontopofallthis,considerthattheaveragemanorwomanisnowlikelytochangejobsfivetimesmorefrequentlythanhisorherworkinggrandparents.Isitjustthatthecorporateworldhaschanged?Ordoesitalsosaysomethingaboutus?
Finally,onthesimplest,mostpractical,everydaylevel,considerhowmanypeoplemakeresolutionstodiet,exercise,orjustspendmoretimewiththeirfamiliesandfailcompletely.Ourinabilitytolivetheresolutionswemakeisanotherindicator.Indicatorofwhat?
Thereisacrisisofcommitmentinoursociety.Peopleseemunwillingtomakecommitmentsor,oncemade,unabletofulfillthem.Butwhereistheconnectionbetweenthe“crisisofcommitment”andthesuicide,depression,andquietdesperationofourage?
Asgreatasthiscrisisofcommitmentmayseem,itissecondarytoamorefundamentalproblem.Mostpeoplesincerelywanttofulfilltheircommitments.Peopledon’tgetmarriedtogetdivorced.Peopledon’tfailtokeepresolutionsbecausetheywanttofail.Thecrisisofcommitmentistheresultofafarmoreseriouscrisisofpurpose.
Agreatpurposelessnesshasdescendeduponmoderncivilizations.Peopleatlargehavelostanysenseofthemeaningandpurposeoflife;andwithoutanunderstandingofourownpurpose,therecanbenotruecommitment.Whetherthatcommitmentistomarriage,family,study,work,God,relationships,orthesimpleresolutionsofourlives,itwillbealmostimpossibletofulfillwithoutaclearandpracticalunderstandingofourpurpose.Commitmentandpurposegohandinhand.
Commitmentisthelogicalandnaturalresponsethatfollowsfromanunderstandingofourpurpose.
Everythinginourlivesiseitherpursuedorrejectedaccordingtowhetherornotitwillhelpus,andothers,fulfillwhatweperceiveasourpurpose.
Someonewhomakesmoneyhisgoalinlifeacceptsorrejectseverythingaccordingtowhetherornotitwillhelphimachievethatgoal.
Someonewhomakespleasurethegoalofherlifeacceptsorrejectseverythingaccordingtowhetherornotitwillhelpherachievehergoal.
Intheabsenceofagenuineunderstandingofthemeaningandpurposeofourlives,wesubstituteitwithshallowandsuperficialmeaning.Thehumanpersoncannotlivewithoutmeaningandpurpose.
Whyisdepressionsodramaticallyontherise?Icannotimagineanythingmoredepressingthannothavinganysenseofthemeaningandpurposeofyourownlife.
Whydosomanyyoungpeopleimmersethemselvesinvideogames,alcohol,promiscuoussex,deafeninglyloudmusic,anddrugs?Isitpossiblethattheyusethesethingstodistractthemselvesfromthefrighteningrealityoffacingalifewithoutmeaningandpurpose?Orisitthattheyusethesethingsinavainandfutileattempttofillthevoidofmeaninglessnesswithinthem?
Whydosomanypeoplegetsocaughtupintheirworkthattheydon’thavetimeforanythingelse,eventhepeopletheylove?Isitperhapsthatachievementintheirworkistheonlythingthatgivesthemeventhevaguestsenseofpurposeintheirlives?Orthatbecausetheyconsciously,orsubconsciously,believethattheirworkistheirpurpose,theycompletelycommittothatpurposeandrefusetoletanythingcomebetweenthemandthefulfillmentofwhattheyhaveerroneouslyperceivedastheirpurpose?
Iamamazedhowmanywomenseekmyadviceinregardtoahusbandwhohasnotimefororinterestinanythingbuthiswork.Theproblemisthathedoesn’tseehiswifeandchildreninrelationtohispurpose.Heperceiveshispurposeassuccessandachievementinhiswork.Theonlyplacehiswifeandchildrenhaveinthisschemeisthatthefinancialfruitsofhisworkallowhimtoprovideforhisfamily.
Whyarepeoplehavingfewerandfewerchildren?Tooofteninourmodernculture,childrenareperceivedas“nicetohave”ifyou’vegotthetimeandthemoneyandarepreparedtosuspend,ormaybeevensacrifice,yourcareer.Youngcouplestodayperceivetheblessingofchildrennotinrelationtotheirtruepurpose,butratherinrelationtotheir“quasipurpose”offinancialindependence.
Forthemostpart,peopletodayperceivetheirpurposeinrelationtosuccessintheworkplaceandfinancialindependence.Theresultiswhatwewitnessbeforeusinourworldtodayandwhatwetoooftenallowourselvestobeapartof—apanickedfrenzyofpeoplerushingaround,workingtoomuch,workingtoohard,workingtoooften,inordertosplashmoneyaroundtheglobaleconomy,bypayingthemortgageonthehousethattheyreallycan’tafford;wearingthe
clothesthatareinordinatelyoverpricedbecausetheyhavesomedesignerlabelonthem;drivingthecarthatinthirty-sixmonthstheywillsurrendertotheleasingagentforanothernewone;givinglessandlesstimetothepeopletheyloveandcareabout;neglectingtheirrealandlegitimateneeds;tryingtoignorethequietdissatisfactionthattheysensedeepwithinthemselves;anddistractingthemselveswitheverymannerofnoise,pleasure,andentertainmentfromthefactthatagreatmeaninglessnesshasdescendedupontheirlives.
Theremustbemoretolife.
TheFiveQuestions
Forthousandsofyears,menandwomenofeveryage,race,andculturehavesoughttounderstandthemeaningoflife.Thepeopleofourowntimearenodifferent.
Throughouthistory,scientistsandphilosophers,theologiansandartists,politiciansandsocialactivists,monksandsages,andmenandwomenfromallwalksoflifehavediscussedanddebatedmanyquestionsinthequesttodiscoverthemeaningoflife.Andwhiletheirdiscussionshavebeenmanyandvaried,tomymindallofhumanity’ssearchingforknowledgeandanswerscanbearrangedunderfiveheadings,eachofthemaquestion.
Thesearethefivequestionsthathumanityhasbeenaskingconsciouslyandsubconsciouslyeversincehumanlifefirstexisted.
Althoughwemaybeunabletoarticulatethem,youandIareconstantlyaskingthesequestions.Whetherweareawareofitornot,ourwholeexistenceisasearchingtoanswerthesefivequestions.Weseektheanswerstothesequestionsdirectlyandindirectlyeverydayofourlives.Andhowweanswerthesequestionsdeterminestheshape,form,anddirectionthatourlivestakeon.
Thesearethefivequestionsthathumanitylongstoanswer:
1.WhoamI?
2.WheredidIcomefrom?
3.WhatamIherefor?
4.HowdoIdoit?
5.WhereamIgoing?
Allreligioustextsarecentereduponandseektoilluminethefivequestions—includingthesacredwritingsofIsrael,theChristianscriptures,andtheBhagavadGita.ThefivequestionsalsoformthemajorthemesinthewritingsofConfuciusandLao-tzu,HomerandEuripides,SophoclesandShakespeare,PlatoandAristotle,DostoyevskyandAldousHuxley,ErnestHemingway,C.S.Lewis,andHenryDavidThoreau.Theyarethequestionsthattestifytohumanity’sage-oldsearchforthemeaningandpurposeoflife.Theyarethequestionsthathungryheartsplaceatthecenteroftheirlives.
Thesecondquestion,“WheredidIcomefrom?”introducesustotheideasofcreationandlife.Withinthefifthquestion,“WhereamIgoing?,”webecomeintimatewiththerealitiesoftime,death,andeternity.Mostreligioustraditionsanswerthesecondandthelastquestionwith“God,”buttheideasthatthesequestionsunveilarecomplex.Andthoughnowisnotthetime,andthisparticularbookisnottheplace,thesecondandthefifthquestionsdeserveseriousstudyandthoughtintheirownright.
Questionsthreeandfour,“WhatamIherefor?”and“HowdoIdoit?,”givebirthtothemysteriesoflove,joy,misery,happiness,suffering,fulfillment,discontent,and,especially,theneverceasingstrugglewewitnessandexperiencebetweengoodandevil.Weliveoureverydaylivesintherealmsofquestionsthreeandfour.Andowingtotheirpracticalimplications,weusuallybecomefascinatedandpreoccupiedwiththesequestions.Butinordertoanswerthesequestions,“WhatamIherefor?”and“HowdoIdoit?,”itisimperativethatwegiveseriousthoughtandreflectiontoquestionone:“WhoamI?”
Philosophically,thismayallbeverysound.Practically,however,theprocessofansweringthesefivequestionsandconformingourlivestotheanswerswefindisverydifficult.
Eachofusseekstoanswerthesequestionsinourownway.Experienceisanexcellent,thoughsometimesbrutal,teacher.Yetatthesametime,itisonlytheignoranceofyouththatbelievesexperienceistheonlyteacher.Aswegrowwiser,werealizethatlifeistooshorttolearnallofitslessonsfrompersonalexperience,andwediscoverthatotherpeople,places,andtimesarealltoowillingtopassonthehard-earnedwisdomoftheirexperiences.
Butwhereshouldwebegin?
Ithasbeenmyexperiencethatnothingchangesaperson’slifemorethanthediscoveryofonesolitarytruth:Thereismeaningandpurposetolife.Morespecifically:Thereisameaningandpurposetoyourlife.
TheMeaningofLife
Ourmoderncultureproclaimswithallitsforce:Whatyoudoandwhatyouhavearethemostimportantthings.Thisisalie.Itisadeceptionthathasledwholegenerationsdownthewell-troddenpathtowardlivesofquietdesperation.Butitisaliethatisreinforcedwithsuchregularitythatwehavegrowntobelieveit,atleastsubconsciously,andhaveshapedourlivesaroundit.
Twoofthemostcommontoolsofsocialjudgmentaretheassessmentofwhatmakeandmodelofcaryoudriveandthequestion“Whatdoyoudo?”
Thewholefocusofourcultureisondoingandhaving.Igetontheplane,andnineoutoftentimes,thepersonnexttomewillaskme,“Whatdoyoudo?”Weaskyoungchildren,“Whatareyougoingtodowhenyougrowup?”andseniorsinhighschool,“Whatareyougoingtodoincollege?”andcollegegraduates,“Whatareyougoingtodonowthatyouhavefinishedyourstudies?”Weliveinatask-orientedculture.Butthistask-orientedapproachcompletelyignoresourneedtoconnecttheactivitiesofourdailyliveswithouressentialpurpose.
Doingandhavingarenatural,normal,andnecessaryaspectsofourdailylives;thechallengeistodoandhaveinaccordwithouressentialpurpose.
Inthistask-orientedculture,oneoftherealdangersistoslipintoanepisodicmodeofliving.WhatImeanis,thehappeningsofourday-to-daylivescanbecomeepisodic,oneafteranother,liketheepisodesofasoapopera.Inasoapopera,thereisalwayssomethinghappening,butnothingeverreallyhappens.Ineveryepisodethereisdrama—activitytakesplace,wordsaremuttered,butnothingreallyhappens.Peopleabusingoneanother,peopleusingoneanother,peopletalkingaboutoneanother,peopleplottingandscheming,butnothingmeaningfuleverhappens.Theirlivesarefilledwithsuperficialities,andtheyareconstantlyrestlessandmiserable.Thereisnotheme,nothread—justanother
entertainingepisode.
Whenthedaysandweeksofourlivesbecomelikethis,wegrowdepressed,disillusioned,andmiserablyunhappy.Thereasonisthatwithoutaclearsenseofthepurposeandmeaningofourlives,theemptinessisoverwhelming.Wetrytofillthevoidwithpleasureandpossessions,buttheemptinessisunaffectedbysuchtrivialities.Therearemomentsofpleasure,buttheyarebriefinalongsuccessionoftwenty-four-hourdays.
PabloPicassowaswalkingdownthestreetinParisonedaywhenawomanrecognizedandapproachedhim.Afterintroducingherselfandpraisinghiswork,sheaskedhimifhewouldconsiderdrawingherportraitandofferedtopayhimforthepiece.
Picassoagreedandsatthewomandownthereandthenonthesideofthestreet,broughtoutasketchbookandpencil,andbegantodrawthewoman.Asmallcrowdofspectatorsgatheredveryquickly,butinonlyahandfulofminutesPicassohadfinishedthedrawing.Ashehandedittothewoman,hesaid,“Thatwillbefivethousandfrancs.”Surprisedattheprice,thewomanobjected,saying,“ButMr.Picasso,ittookyouonlyafewminutes.”Picassosmiledandreplied,“No,mydearwoman,youaremistaken,ittookmeawholelifetime.”
Theindividualexperiencesofourlivescannotbeseparatedfromthewhole.Lifeisnotaseriesofseparateepisodes.Alloflife’sexperiencesthusfarhaveplayedapartinthepersonyouarerightnow.Thecommonreactiontothisstatementistorecallsomenegativeorabusiveeventinourpastanduseitasanexcuseforthepersonwearetoday.Suchadoptionofvictimhoodisoneofthemostdestructivespiritsatworkinthehumanpsycheinthesemoderntimes.
Victimhooddeniesthegreattruththatlifeischoices.
ThepointIamreallytryingtomakehereisthatwearenotacompositeofeverythingthathaseverhappenedtous,butratherwhathappensinourlivesisalmostalwaysaresultofthosethingswehabituallythinkandthosethingswe
habituallydo.Lifeisthefruitofdiscipline,orlackofit.Weareourhabits.Forexample,youcannotseparateTigerWoods’sphenomenalperformanceandrecord-crushingvictoryatthe1997Mastersfromthetwentyyearsofhislifepriortothatevent.HispracticesessionsfifteenyearsearlierattheageofsixwereasmuchapartofthatMastersvictoryashisfinalapproachshottotheeighteenthgreen.
Everydisciplinedefforthasitsownmultiplereward.
Artisticallyandprofessionally,PabloPicassohadaprofoundunderstandingofthevalueofcompoundingeffortandexperience.Hisprofessionallifehadthemeandthread,directionandpurpose—andwasheldtogetherasonewhole.Hispersonallifelackedthatwisdom.Fromlovertoloverhepassed,fromwifetowife,fromfriendtofriend—alwaysmovingon,eventuallydesertingeventhosewholovedhim.Intheend,heabandonedallthosewhowereclosetohim.Picasso’spersonallifewasplaguedbythisepisodicqualitywehavejustdiscussed.Hewasunableorunwillingtoapplythetruthhehaddiscoveredprofessionallytotheotherareasofhislife.
Lifeisthegatheringoftruth.Anytruthwediscovermustnotbeallowedtoremainisolatedinoneareaofourlives,andcertainlymustnotbeallowedtoremainmerelyinourminds.Rather,anytruthliferevealstousmustfilterintoeveryaspectofourlives,likebloodtothecellsofthebody.Lifeisone.Truthshouldbelived.
Whatwedointhespanofourlivesmaybringusfinancialrewards,status,fame,power,andunimaginablepossessions,butlastinghappinessandfulfillmentarenottheby-productsofdoingandhaving.
Thetruthisastartlingcontrasttothepresentculture’scredo.
Whoyoubecomeisinfinitelymoreimportantthanwhatyoudoorwhatyouhave.
Themeaningandpurposeoflifeisforyoutobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
Iamoftenamusedathowscaredsomepeoplearetowonder,orask,whatGodmightwantforthemorfromthem.TheyimaginethatGodmightwantthemtobecomeamissionaryinsomeobscure,poverty-strickencountryorthatGodmightwantthemtobecomeamonk…oranun…orthatGodalwayswantsthemtodotheonethingtheydon’twanttodo.
WhatisGod’sdreamforyou?Doyoueverwonder?Letmetellyou.
Godwantsyoutobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
Goddoesn’twanttocontrolyou,orstifleyou,ormanipulateyou,orforceyoutodoanythingyoudon’twanttodo.Quitetheopposite,infact.Godwillletyoudowhateveryouwanttodo,wheneveryouwanttodoit,withwhomeveryouwanttodoit,andasoftenasyouwanttodoit.WhenwasthelasttimeGodstoppedyoufromdoinganything?
ButifwecanfindthecouragewithinoursometimestimidheartstoturntoGodandask,“God,whatisyourdreamformeandmylife?”Godwillwhisperinreply,“Beallyoucanbe.Becomethe-best-version-of-yourself.”
Ouressentialpurposeistobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Oncewediscoveritandplacethispurposeatthecenterofourlives,everythingbeginstomakessense.Untilwediscoverouressentialpurpose,nothingmakessense,andwewanderaroundaimlessly,slowlybeingnumbedintolivesofquietdesperation.
Itisthequesttoimproveourselves,tobeallwearecapableofbeing,totestourlimits,andtogrowsteadilytowardthe-best-version-of-ourselvesthatbringsmeaningtoourlives.
Ifwereturnforamomenttoourearlierdiscussionofhappiness,wealsodiscoverthatouryearningforhappinessisintimatelylinkedtoouressentialpurpose.Ineachofthefourareas—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—wediscussedcertainactivitiesthatbringushappiness.Whydowegetadeepsenseoffulfillmentandhappinessfromthoseactivities?Becausetheyhelpusfulfillouressentialpurpose.Theactivitiesthathelpusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselvesalsofillourliveswithsustainablehappiness.
Thereispurposeandmeaningtolife.Youwereborntobecomethe-best-version-ofyourself.InthewordsofRobertLouisSteven-son,“Tobewhatweare,andtobecomewhatwearecapableofbecoming,istheonlyendoflife.”Inpart3ofthisbook,wewilldiscusshowyouplacethistruthatthecenterofyourlifebyusingitasacompassinyourdecisionmaking.
Embracethisonesolitarytruth—youwereborntobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself—anditwillchangeyourlifemorethananythingyouhaveeverlearned.
SevenDreams
FormanyyearsIhavebeenpracticingtheexercisewedidtogetheralittleearlier—the“Whatdoyouwantfromlife?”exercise.ThefirstseveraltimesImademyownlist,allIwantedwasmoreofthethingsoftheworld.ThenIdiscoveredmyessentialpurpose,andeverythingchanged.
Istartedaskingmyself,“Whichofthethingsonmylistaregoingtohelpmebecomethe-best-version-of-myself?”ThegoodnewswasthatIdidhavesomethingsonmylistthatweregoingtohelpmebecomethe-best-version-of-myself.Ialsohadalotofthingsthatwereindifferenttomyessentialpurpose.ThebadnewswasthatIhadsomethingsonmylistthatweredirectlyorindirectlygoingtocauseme,orencourageme,tobecomea-lesser-version-of-myself.Ibeganassessingthethingsonmylistinrelationtomyessentialpurpose.
Likesomanypeople,IhaveoftenbelievedthatifIcouldchangemysurroundings—things,places,andpeople—thenIwouldbehappier.Discoveringmyessentialpurposehascausedmetorealizethathappinessisaninside-outjob.Alltoooften,whatisgoingonaroundusisonlyareflectionofwhatisgoingonwithinus.
Inmyownlife,Ihavebecomeintimatelyawareofthistruthinanumberofways.Oneexampleismyhome.Iamafairlytidyperson,butIhavenoticedthatwhenIamconfusedontheinside,Istoptidyinguparoundthehouse.Ileavethingslyingaround,andbeforelongtheplaceisamess.Ihavealsonoticedthatoncetheconfusionwithinissolved,thequestionanswered,ortheissueresolved,almostimmediatelyIstarttidyingupmyhouse,office,andcar.
WhenIamfocusedonbecomingthe-best-version-of-myself,Iamdeeplyhappy.Itisthepursuitofouressentialpurposealonethatsatisfies.
Whenyouknowyouarestrivingtobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself,
thataloneisenoughtosustainyouinhappiness.Whenyoudon’thavethat,allthepleasureandpossessionsyoucansummonfromtheworldcannotsustainhappinessinthedepthsofyourheart.
Wespendourlivesintheserviceofourdesires.Sometimesthosedesiresaregoodandtheirpursuitistoourbenefit.Atothertimesourdesiresareselfishandself-destructive.Ifthereispurposeandmeaningtoourlives,thenthehighestlevelsoflivingmustbelinkedtodiscoveringthatmeaningandfulfillingthatpurpose.Itstandstoreason,then,thatthereshouldbearelationshipbetweenthepurposeandmeaningoflifeandourdreams.
Earlier,Iaskedyoutostopandconsiderwhatyouwantedfromlifeandtowritethosethingsdown.Asyouprogressthroughthisbook,Iwouldlikeyoutoremainopentorevisingandchanging,addingandeliminating,someofwhatyouhadpreviouslywritten.
Myowndreamlistisconstantlybeingrevised.Mydream-bookisfilledwithpagesandpagesofdreams…everythingfromcountriesI’dliketovisit,booksI’dliketowrite,andthequalitiesI’dlikemysoul-matetohave,tolivingbythebeach,drivingasweetlittleconvertible,cyclingdownHaleakalaatsunrise,andvirtuesI’dliketodevelopinmyowncharacter.Andwhilemanyoftheseareexcitingtopursue,Ihavedonetheexerciseenoughtimestoknowthatthemostimportantdreamsinmydream-bookaretheonesthathelpmebecomethe-best-version-of-myself.
So,eventhoughIamconstantlydreamingnewdreams,Ihavelearnedtodreamwithmyessentialpurposeatthecenterofmylife.Withthatinmind,Ihavedevelopedsevencoredreamsthathelpmestayfocusedonmyessentialpurpose.
Thesearemydreams.Ibelievethatthepursuitofthesedreamswillleadustopeace,happiness,success,satisfaction,service,wholeness,andholiness.
Theyaremydreams,buttheyarealsomydreamsforyou.
TheFirstDream
Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyouhavecompletecontroloveryourmentalandphysicalfacultiesandthatyouareslaveneitherto
food,nordrink,noranyothersubstance.Idreamthatyouwillbefree,thatyouwillhavefreedominthetruestsenseoftheword—thestrengthofcharactertodowhatisrightineachsituation.
TheSecondDream
Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyouareabletodiscernthepeople,activities,andpossessionsthataremostimportanttoyou.
Andthatyouareabletogiveeachofthemtheirtimeandplaceaccordingtotheirappropriatepriority.
TheThirdDream
Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyouhavethecourage,determination,firmness,andpersistencetoperformthetasksthatyouchoose,decide,andresolvetoperform.Thatyouperformthemwithacommitmenttoexcellenceandattentionto
detail.
TheFourthDream
Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyoudiscoverauniquetalentthatleadsyoutodedicatetheprofessionalaspectofyourlifetosomework
youcanbepassionateabout.Idreamthatyoumayenjoytherareprivilegeofspendingyourdaysinmeaningfulwork.Thatyouserveyourneighbor,yourfamily,andyourcommunityinthisoccupationand
thatbyit,youareabletoprovideforyourtemporalneeds.
TheFifthDream
Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyougrowinwealthineverysenseoftheword,thatyouareneverinneed,andthatwhateveryour
wealthis,youshareitwithallyoucan.
TheSixthDream
Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyoufindtruelove.Someoneyoucancherish.Someonewhomakesyouwanttobeabetterperson.Asoul-matewhocanchallengeyouandloveyou.Acompanionwhocanwalkwithyou,knowyou,share
yourjoy,perceiveyourpainandheartache,andcomfortyouinyourdisappointments.
TheSeventhDream
Ihaveadreamforyou…thatyoudiscoveradeepandabidinginteriorpeace.Thepeacethatcomesfromknowingthatwhoyouare,
whereyouare,andwhatyoudoisessentiallygoodandmakessense;thatyouarecontributingtothehappinessofothers;andthatyouareprogressingtowardbecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.
ANewPerspective
Atdifferenttimesinourlives,weallneedanewperspective.
Inthelate1960s,therewasayoungmanwhohadadreamofbecomingafamousmusician.Heknewexactlywhathewanted,sohelefthighschoolandbegantoplayhismusicwhereverpeoplewouldlisten.Butasahighschooldropoutandwithlittleexperience,hefounditdifficulttogetworkasamusician.
Beforetoolonghefoundhimselfplayinginsmall,dirtyclubsandbars.Sharinghisgiftwithahandfulofdrunksnightafternightbecameadiscouraginghabit.Thiswasnothisdream.HehaddreamedofplayingtoselloutshowsacrossAmericaandaroundtheworld.Hehaddreamedofseeinghisnameinlights,ofwalkingdownthestreetandbeingstoppedforautographs,ofhavinghisalbumsineverymusicstore.Heevendreamedonedayhewouldplaytoapackedbaseballstadium—anabsurdthoughtinthelate1960s.
Hehadstumbledupondifficulttimes.Financiallyhewasbroke,professionallyhewasfailing,andhisonlyjoyinlifewasthesupportofhisgirlfriend.TheyhadsolittlemoneythattheywouldsleepinLaundromatstosavetheexpenseofahotel.Butonedayshegotsickofbeingconstantlyontheroad.Thisgypsylifestylewasnotherdream,either.Shehaddreamedofbeingmarriedtoafamousmusicianbutwasunawareofthehardworkittakestogettothetop.Itwasnotthelifeshehadimagined,soshelefthim.
Withhisonlyjoyinlifegone,hedecidedtocommitsuicide.Thatnighttheyoungmusicianmadeahalfheartedattempttoendhislifebydrinkingabottleoffurniturepolishandabottleofvodka.Thenextday,verysick,hecheckedhimselfintoamentalinstitution.
Lessthanthreeweekslater,hecheckedhimselfout.Hewasanewman.Hewasrefreshed,enthusiastic,andexcitedaboutlife.Hewascured.Theyhadnot
givenhimanymedication,norwasitanythingthedoctorsornurseshadsaidtohim.Theotherpatientshadcuredhim.
Theyremindedhimofhowfortunateandgiftedhewas,andtheyhadshownhimhowmuchmorelifecouldbe.Hewasgivenanewperspectiveonlife.
Thatday,thatsameyoungmanleftthementalinstitutionabsolutelyresolvedtopursuehisdreamofbecomingafamedmusician.Hewasdeterminedtotravelandworkanddowhateverwasnecessarytoachievehisdream.
Threeyearslater,hewroteasongcalled“PianoMan,”andtodayalmosteverypersonontheplanethasheardofBillyJoel.Andyes,onJune22and23in1990,BillyJoelplayedtoselloutcrowdsofninetythousandpeopleatYankeeStadium.
Weallneedastartlingnewperspectiveatleastonceinourlives.BillyJoel’sexperienceinthementalinstitutiongavehimthatnewperspective.Itismyhopethatthisbookwillgiveyouthatnewperspective,too.
Ihavealwayshadarealpassionformusic,andIhavealwaysenjoyedBillyJoel’smusic.OnanumberofoccasionsIhavehadtheopportunitytoseehimperformliveandhaveneverfoundthatexperiencetobeanythinglessthaninspiring.Itisraretofindmusicalgeniusmixedwithsuchpoeticthoughtfulness.
Myfavoritelyricofhisisfromasongentitled“ScenesfromanItalianRestaurant.”ThesongtellsthestoryofBrendaandEddie,twohighschoolstudentswhoweretheenvyofalltheirpeers.Theywerethatpopularcouple,thekingandqueenoftheprom,thecouplewholookedandseemedperfecttogether.TheversedescribesBrendaandEddiedrivingaroundwiththecartopdownandtheradioon,hangingoutatthediner,atthetopoftheirworld.ThenBillyJoeldropsinmyfavoriteline,whichsayssomuchaboutadolescence.Withithealsodefinesthemajorbarrierthatpreventsmostofusfromachievinggreaterthingsin,andwith,ourlives.Hewrites,“Weneverknewwecouldwantmorethanthatoutoflife…”
Thereismore.
Inallofourlivesthereisagreatdangerinbelievingthatwhoweare,whereweare,andwhatwehaveisallthatthereis.
Thereismore.DoyouknowwhatitisliketowalkthroughthestreetsofParisinthepouringrainwithoutaworryintheworld,enjoyingeverylastdropofrainthatfallsonyourface?DoyouknowwhatitisliketoseeTheNutcrackerperformedattheSydneyOperaHouseandsitsoclosethatyoucanseethebeadsofsweatonthedancers’foreheads?
DoyouknowwhatitisliketodancewithnomusiconabeachontheislandofCretewithsomeoneyoulovemorethanyoueverimaginedyoucouldlove?DoyouknowwhatitisliketofeelsoguidedthatitisasthoughGodhasHisveryhandonyourshoulderandiswhisperinginyourear?DoyouknowwhatitisliketostandintheSistineChapelandlookupinaweatMichelangelo’sgreatestwork,listeningtothosearoundyouspeakinfifteendifferentlanguages,breathingmoredeeplythanyoueverhave,andsmellingthemustyairofoneofthemostrenownedplacesofworshipandartistictreasuresintheworld?Doyouknow…thereismore?
Youcannotlivewithoutdreams.Dreamsfosterhope,andhopeisoneoftheforcesbywhichmenandwomenlive.
Todreamistheeasiestthingintheworld.Therearenolimitationstodreaming.Butaswegrowweexperiencepain,failure,criticism,anddisappointment,andwegraduallylimitourdreams.Weseektoliveinthecomfortzone.Thereisnosuchthing.Itismuchmoredifficulttotrytoliveinacomfortzonethanitistofollowourdreams,becausethecomfortzoneisonlyanillusion,butourdreamsarereal.Willyouspendtherestofyourlifechasinganillusionorfollowingyourdreams?
IwillneverforgetaquestionIonceheardRobertSchullerposeinaninterviewwithLarryKing.Theywerediscussingtheeffectsofthefearoffailureonourdecision-makingprocess,andSchullerofferedthisquestionasaguide:“Whatwouldyouattemptifyouknewyoucouldnotfail?”
Donotbeafraidtodream.Perhapsyourfearisoffailure.Thereisnoshameintryingtoattemptmightythingsandfailing.Theshameisinfailingtoattemptthosethings.Michelangelo,thegreatRenaissanceartistandpoet,knewthevalue,power,andneedfordreamswhenhewrote,“Thegreaterdangerformost
ofusisnotthatouraimistoohighandwemissit,butthatitistoolowandwereachit.”
Ourdreamsareaself-revelation.
TellmewhatyourdreamsareandIwilltellyouwhattypeofpersonyouare.Defineyourdreamsclearlyandpreciselyandyouwillknowforyourselfwhattypeofpersonyouare.Ifyoudonotlikewhatyoudiscover,remember,youcreatedyourdreams,andinsodoing,youformedthepersonyouaretoday.Ifyoudon’tlikewhoyouareandthelifeyouareliving,itmayseemlikebadnewstohearthatyouhavecreatedthepersonyouaretodayandthelifeyouareliving.Thegoodnewsis,youcanre-createyourdreamsandbecomeanewcreation.
Don’tletthehustleandbustleoflifedragyoudown.Don’tallowtheday-to-daydrudgeryoflifedistractyoufromyouressentialpurpose—becomingthe-best-version-of-yourself!Taketimetodream.Imaginewhatyouarecapableof,andlivethatlife.
LetusliveeverydayinthecounselofThoreau:“Goconfidentlyinthedirectionofyourdreams!Livethelifeyou’veimagined.”
LivePassionately
WhenIwastwelveyearsold,Iusedtosingintheschoolchoir,andoftenwewouldsingatfunerals.WhetherornotIknewthepersonwhohaddied,funeralshavealwayshadadeepimpactonmylife.EverytimeIgotoafuneral,orhearthatsomeoneIknowhasdied,Ialwaysbecomemoredeterminednottowastemylife,nottotakelifeforgranted.
EverynowandthenIliketotakeawalkinacemetery.Eachtombstonetellsastory.Someofthepeoplewerelaidtorestlastyear,othersahundredyearsago.Someofthemlivedforninety-fiveyears,othersfortwenty-fiveyears.ButIcanhearallofthemcallingouttomeinunison,sharingwithmeamessage:“Lifeisshort.Donotwasteyourlife.Livelifepassionately.”
Somewheredeepwithinyouthereisadesiretodedicateyourselftobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.Ihopeyoufeelthatdesirestirringwithinyou.Fosterthatdesire.Nurturethatdesire.Adopthabitsthathelpyourekindlethatdesire.Otherwiseyourlifeisindangerofbecominganutterwaste.
Youwillbecomelikeacandleinthewind,avictimofcircumstance,andeverytimethewindstopsblowingyouwillwishyouhadplacedyouressentialpurposeatthecenterofyourlife.Butthewindsoflifewillblowoncemore,changingdirectionanddistractingyouagainfromwhatisreallyimportant.Youwillgetcaughtupintheepisodiccycleofthemodernworld,andyourlifewillbearnosignsofcontinuityorconsistency.Youwillachievethings,nodoubt,andyouwillhavethings,butyouwillberestlessandanxious.Thesensethattheremustbemorewillhauntyoucontinually,thefeelingthatsomethingismissingwilllingerontheedgeofeverythingyoudo.Andmanyyearsfromnow,inthedimlightofyourdistantmemory,youwillrememberthedreamsyouignoredandabandoned.Youwillfeelapainthatcannotbeeasedorconsoled.Regretoverthingsdonecanbeeasedovertime.Regretoverthingsleftunsaidandundoneisinconsolable.
Nowisyourtime.Youhaveonelife,anditisshort.Useitpowerfully.Celebrateitasapreciousgift.Don’tallowfeartoparalyzeyou.AsGoethewrote,“Beboldandmightyforceswillcometoyouraid.”
ItzhakPerlmanisoneofthefinestviolinistsalivetoday.Severalyearsago,PerlmanagreedtoattendacharityreceptionafteroneofhisconcertsinVienna.TicketsforthechampagnereceptionweresoldfortheequivalentoffivehundredAmericandollarsperguest.
Atthereception,whiletheguestsmingled,ItzhakPerlmanstoodinaroped-offareaflankedbysecurityguards.Onebyonetheguestswereledintotheroped-offareaandintroducedtoPerlman.Asonemanenteredtheroped-offarea,hestretchedouthishand,shookhandswiththeviolinist,andsaid,“Mr.Perlman,youwerephenomenaltonight.Absolutelyamazing.”Perlmansmiledandthankedthemangraciouslyforthecompliment.Themancontinued,“AllmylifeIhavehadagreatloveoftheviolin,andIhaveheardeverygreatlivingviolinist,butIhaveneverheardanyoneplaytheviolinasbrilliantlyasyoudidtonight.”Perlmansmiledagainbutsaidnothing,andthemancontinued,“Youknow,Mr.Perlman,Iwouldgivemywholelifetobeabletoplaytheviolinlikeyoudidtonight.”
Perlmansmiledoncemoreandsaid,“Ihave.”
Thatisthedifference.Whilesomeofusaresittingaroundlettingthesandinthehourglassoflifeempty,thinking,Iwouldgivemywholelifetobeabletodothat,or,Ihopethathappenstomeoneday,peoplelikeItzhakPerlmanaregettingthejobdone.Theyaregivingtheirwholelivestothemagnificentandmeaningfulpursuitoftheirdreams.
Ihavenoticedthatallmenandwomenhavedreams.Ihavenoticedthatsomepeopleachievetheirdreams,andforotherstheyseemalwaysoutofreach.Whyisthis?DoesGodhavefavorites?Idon’tthinkso.Thereasonisthatsomepeopledreamandwaitfortheirdreamstocometrue.Theirsisavaintypeofdreaming.Theylookatothers,whomtheyconsiderfortunateorlucky,andtheythink,Ihopethathappenstomeoneday!Otherpeoplelistentothemovementsoftheirheartsanddreamtheirdreamsbylisteningtothegentlevoicewithin.Theycommitthemselvestoexcellence,andarmedwiththeirdreamsasa
blueprintfortheirlives,theygooutontothestageoflifechasingtheirrainbow,livinglifepassionately.AidedbyamysteriousandmiraculouspowerthatIcandescribeonlyasthegraceofGod,theymaketheirdreamscometrue.
Lifeistooshorttobelivedhalfheartedlyandfartooshorttoloseyourselfintheday-to-daydrudgeryandthehustleandbustle.Dedicateyourselftothethingsthatdeserveyourdedication.
Lifeisshort,andyouaredeadanawfullylongtime.Livelifepassionately.
PartTwo
FindingYourGenius
TheGentleVoiceWithin
Thereisagentlevoicewithineachofus.
Whenwearechildren,wehearthisvoicewithgreatclarityandwelivebywhatwehear.Soweareimmenselyhappy.
Aswegrowolder,webecomeawareofalltheothervoicesthatsurroundus—thevoicesofparents,siblings,friends,critics,television,strangers,andexperts.
Alltheseothervoiceshavethestrengthandconfidenceofexperience,sowebecomefascinatedwiththem.Andasweenterintothisfascinationwithalltheseothervoices,theybegintodistractusfromthegentlevoicewithin.
Aswebegintolistentoalltheseothervoices,webegintodoubt,question,andignorethegentlevoicewithin.Andgradually,theonetruevoicewithineachofusgrowsfainterandfainter.
Finally,whenthegentlevoicewithinushasbecomesofaintthatwecanhardlyhearitanymoreinthemidstofourdailyactivity,wearetoldthatwehavegrownup,thatweareadults,andthatwearenowreadyforlife.
Nothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruth.
Thegentlevoicewithinisyourtruestguide.Ithasabsolutelynoself-interest.Thatiswhatsetsitapartfromeveryothervoiceinyourlife.Thegentlevoicewithinyouisinterestedinonlyonething,helpingyoubecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
Whetheryoucallityour“conscience”orgiveitsomeothername,weallhavethisgentlevoicewithinus.Itisourtrueself,directingustowardouressentialpurpose.Itisthe-best-version-of-ourselvestalkingtous.
Takeamomenttothinkaboutit.Whenwasthelasttimeyouobeyedthatgentlevoicewithinyouanditmadeyoumiserable?Whenwasthelasttimethegentlevoicewithinledyoutobecomea-lesser-version-of-yourself?Itmayleadyoutothepainofdisciplineandself-sacrifice,butalwaysinthequesttohelpyouembracemorefullythe-best-version-of-yourself.
Itisonlywhenweignorethegentlevoicewithinthatwefindourselvesinplacesofmiseryandquietdesperation.
Whatwemustdoaboveallelseistolearnonceagaintolistentothegentlevoicewithinus.Onlythenwillwehavethepeacethatweallseek,butthatonlyararefeweverfind.
UnderstandingOurLegitimateNeeds
MyfirstcollegeexperiencewasasamarketingmajorinAustralia.Iwillneverforgetmyfirstlecture.Itremainsindeliblyengraveduponmymemory.
Theprofessorwalkedintotheauditorium,placedhisnotesonthepodium,andbegan,“Marketingisaboutcreatingneedsinconsumers.It’saboutcreatingadesireinpeoplethatinturnmakesthemfeelthattheyneedyourproductorservice.It’saboutmakingpeoplefeeltheyneedthingseveniftheydon’t.”Heputitinsuchcrudetermsandwithastraightface.Butworsethanthat,thepeoplearoundmedidn’tevenseemtobataneyelid.Iwasstunned.Iwasamazed.Ilookedaroundthelecturehall,whichheldsixhundredpeopleandwasfullbeyondcapacity.Everyonewaswritingdownwhattheprofessorhadjustsaid—drinkingfromthewellofwisdombeforethem.
Myfatherhadgivenmemyfirsteducationinbusinessmanyyearsearlier.Dadhadalwaystaughtmethatthesecrettogoodandprosperousbusinesswastoprovideagood(orservice)thatsatisfiedarealhumanneed.Ifitwasarepetitiveneed,somuchthebetter.
Withalltheirseduction,deceit,andpsychobabble,themodernmarketingindustryhasdoneamarvelousjobofredefiningtheconceptofneed.
Youmayneedshoes,butyoucertainlydon’tneeda$350pairofrunningshoeswithacertainbrandlabelonthem.Youmayneedacar,butyouprobablydon’tneeda$120,000turbo-chargedEuropeanconvertible.Iamnotsayingthatweshouldn’thavethesethings.Ilikenicethingsasmuchasthenextperson.AllIamsayingis,let’snotconfusethemwithneeds.
Now,thesemaybeextremeexamplesdependingontheperson,butinallofourlivestherehasbeenagreatblurringofthelinebetweenneedsandwants.We
dohaverealandlegitimateneeds,buttheyalmostneverhaveanythingtodowithconsumergoods.
Ourlegitimateneedsarebestunderstoodinrelationtoeachofthefouraspectsofthehumanperson—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.Theseneedsexistnotonlyinthesedifferentareas,butalsoondifferentlevels.
Therearesomethingsweneedsimplytosurvive.Wecalltheseprimaryneeds,andthiscategoryincludesthefundamentalsthatarenecessarytosustainhumanlife.Examplesofprimaryneedswouldbefoodtoeat,watertodrink,andairtobreathe.Withouttheseprimarylegitimateneeds,ourliveswouldveryquicklybebroughttoagrindinghalt.Ourprimaryneedsarefundamentaltoourexistence.Weneedthemjusttosurvive.
Butthisbookisnotaboutsurviving,andneitherislife.Thisbookisaboutthriving,aboutbecomingthe-best-versions-of-ourselves.
Oursecondaryneedsarenotcriticaltooursurvival.Wecansurvivewithoutthemforyearsinmanycases.Buttheyareessentialifwearegoingtothriveinany(orall)ofthefouraspectsofourlives.Whenoursecondaryneedsarebeingfulfilled,webegintoblossomandbloomashumanbeings.Thesatisfactionofoursecondaryneedsallowsustoachieveandmaintainoptimumhealthandwell-being.Amongthemwouldbeneedssuchasregularexercise,abalanceddiet,andhealthyrelationships.
Everydayweattendtoourprimaryneeds—thosethingsnecessarymerelytosustainourexistence.Inmanycaseswedothiswithouteventhinkingaboutit.Youdon’thavetoremindyourselftobreathe,youjustbreathe.Youhavemadeahabitofbreathing.Youdoitnowbyinstinct.Similarly,youeatanddrinkseveraltimesaday.Youprobablydon’thavetothinktoomuchaboutit.Eatinganddrinkinghavealsobecomeahabitforyou.Youareinthehabitofsurviving.Youtakecareofyourprimaryneeds,becauseyouhaveto.
Ontheotherhand,weoftenneglectoursecondaryneeds,eitherbecausewearetoobusyortoolazyorwesimplydon’tconsiderthemurgent.
Thequestionis,areyousatisfiedbeinginthehabitofsurviving,orareyou
readytogetintothehabitofthriving?
Foramoment,thinkabouteachofthefourareas:physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.Whichareyouthrivinginandwhichareyoujustsurvivingin?
Oursecondaryneedsarethekeytothriving.Theymaynotseemurgentinlightofthe105thingsyouhaveonyourto-dolisttoday,buttheyareprobablymoreimportantthananythingonthatlist.
Thefirststepinourquesttobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselvesistodefineourlegitimateneeds.Thesecondstepistocreatealifestylethatfulfillsthoselegitimateneeds.
Weallhavelegitimateneeds.Thefulfillmentoftheseneedsisoneoftheverypracticalwayswecanlearntoembraceouressentialpurpose.Ifwearewiseenoughtoseektheircounsel,ourlegitimateneedswilladviseuswhatisnecessarytomaintainhealthofbody,heart,mind,andspirit.
PhysicalNeeds
Ourphysicalbodyisthevehiclethroughwhichweexperiencelife.Ourbodiesarebothveryfragileandextremelyresilient.Ourlegitimateneedsaremostbasicallyunderstoodinrelationtoourphysicalwell-being,becauseourprimaryneedsexistinthephysicalrealm.
Ifyoudon’thavefoodtoeat,youwilldie.Ifyoudon’thavewatertodrink,youwilldie.Youmaynotdietodayortomorrow,butyouwillbeforetoolong,andasadirectresultofnoteatinganddrinking.Eatinganddrinkingareprimaryandurgentneeds.Wehaveanevenmoreurgentneedforoxygen.Ifyoudon’thaveairtobreathe,youwilldiealmostinstantly.Otherprimaryneedsincludesleepandshelter(toagreaterorlesserextent,dependingonyourenvironmentanditsclimate).
Beyondourprimaryphysicalneeds,wealsohaveanumberofsecondaryphysicalneeds.Ourprimaryneedsarethoseweneedsimplytosurvive.Oursecondaryneedsarethoseweneedtothrive.
Ifwearetothrivephysically,wehavetobringthesesecondaryneedsinto
focusinourdailylives.Nothingtunesthebodylikeregularexerciseandabalanceddiet.Whenweworkoutandfuelourbodieswiththerighttypesoffood,wehavemoreenergy,andwearestronger,healthier,andhappier.
Tooofteninourculture,foodisseenasourceofentertainmentorcomfort,insteadofasasourceofenergy.Letmeaskyousomething.Ifyouownedamillion-dollarracehorse,wouldyouletiteatatMcDonald’s?Ofcourseyouwouldn’t.Ifyouhadamillion-dollarracehorse,youwouldcontrolthathorse’sdietsothatitwasinabsolutepeakcondition.Iguessthequestionbecomes,howmuchdoyouvalueyourownbody?Mostpeoplewaituntiltheygetcancerorhaveaheartattackbeforetheyrememberthattheyhavebodies.
Lastyearwespentmorethan$30billionondietproducts.Howmanydietshaveyoubeenon?Howmanydietshavepeopleyouknowbeenon?Iamamazedathowmuchpeopletalkaboutdiets—howthisoneworksandthatonedoesn’t.
Let’shavealittlebitoftruth.Mostofusdonotneedanyotherdietthanalittlebitofdiscipline.Theaveragepersonknowsthethingsthataregoodforhimorher,andthethingsthatarenot.Allweneedisthedisciplinetochoosethefoodsthatfuelourbodiesandgiveusenergy,strength,health,andhappiness.
Butwedon’twantdiscipline.No,wewantsomeonetostandinfrontofusontelevisionandtellusthatwecaneatwhateverwewant,wheneverwewant,andasmuchaswewant.Aslongaswetakethislittlepill…ordothisspecialworkoutfortwentyminutestwiceaweek…
Ourbodiesaregloriouscreationsandshouldbehonoredandrespected.
Regularexercise,abalanceddiet,andregularsleeparethreeoftheeasiestwaystoincreaseourpassion,energy,andenthusiasmforlife.Theyareamongoursimplestlegitimateneedsandcontributemassivelytothewell-beingofthewholeperson.Physicalwell-beingisthefoundationuponwhichwebuildourlives.Unlessweattendtoourlegitimateneedsinrelationtothephysicalaspectofourbeing,ourcapacityinallotherareasofourlifewillbereduced.
EmotionalNeeds
Intheemotionalrealm,itcanbemuchmoredifficulttopinpointourlegitimate
needs,becausetheyarenotnecessaryforourimmediatesurvival.Itisnottoocommontoreadinthenewspaperaboutsomeonedyingofemotionalstarvation.Ouremotionalneedsareinmanywayssubtler,butcertainlynolessimportantifwearetothrive.
Emotionalstarvation,whilenotlifethreatening,doeshavesomesymptoms.Forsomeofus,emotionalstarvationcanleadtoradicalmoodswings,forotherstogenerallethargy,forothersyet,toanger,bitterness,andresentment.Theheartsuffersandthebodycriesout.Mostofall,emotionalstarvationleadstodistortionsinourcharacterandpreventsusfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.
ThisiscertainlyoneoftheareasIhaveneglectedfromtimetotime.
Inthefallof1997,afterfouryearsontheroadandmorethanonemillionmilestraveled,Itookathree-monthbreakfromspeakingandtraveling.IspentthattimeinAustria,justnorthofVienna,inanoldmonasterythatwasnowbeingusedasacollegecampus.
InAustria,IquicklyrealizedthatIhadbeenseverelyneglectingtheemotionalaspectofmylife.Overthepreviousfouryears,Ihadisolatedmyself.DuringthistimeIwasnowlivingintheUnitedStates,andmyfamilyandchildhoodfriendswereallinAustralia,tenthousandmilesawayfromthisnewlifethatmostlykeptmeinthenorthernhemisphere.Ontopofallthat,Ihadbecomeincreasinglyskepticalaboutpeople’smotivesforbefriendingmeinthisnewtimeofmylife.Thiswasaninsecuritythatwasbornoutofsomebitterexperiences.Besides,Iwasrarelyinacityformorethanaday,whichisn’tthemostconducivelifestyleforformingormaintainingfriendships.
ApartfromtheEuropeanstudents,thereweremorethanahundredAmericanstudentsoncampus,enjoyingwhattheycalledtheir“Europeanexperience.”Everyweekend,assoonasclasseswereovertheywouldgo—toPoland,Italy,France,Belgium,Holland,Germany,Greece,Ireland,andanynumberofotherdestinationsinEurope.TheywouldtravelallnightontrainsforbarelyaglimpseofthesegreatEuropeancountries.Eachweekastheweekenddrewnear,youcouldsensetheirpassionfortravelsurging.
MostoftheAmericanstudentswenttoAustriajustforthechancetotravel.Thestudieswereameanstoanend.Itseemedstrange.Ihadgonethereto
escapetravel.Ihadnointerestwhatsoeverintraveling.IwashappierthanIhadbeeninalongtimejuststayingaroundtheoldmonasteryonweekends.Onoccasion,though,IwouldtakethetrainintoViennaonaSaturdayafternoon,sitinoneofthesquares,drinkhotchocolate,andread.
Butafewweeksintothesemester,afriendIhadmetacoupleofyearsearlieratcollegeintheUnitedStatesaskedmetojoinhimonatriptoSwitzerland.StuartwasfromCanada,andhehadauniquesenseofhumorandanenormousappetiteandpropensityforfun.Ihesitatedathisinvitation—notbecauseofhim,butbecauseIhadlooselyresolvedthatIwouldn’ttravelduringthesethreemonths.“Comeon.We’llhaveagreattime,wecanstaywithsomefriendsofmine,wewon’ttravelwithacrowd,itwilljustbeyouandme,andwe’llbebackbySundaynight,”hepressed.Irelented.Itwasoneofthebestdecisionsofmylife.
WhenclasseswereoveronFridayafternoon,wehitchedaridetothelocaltrainstationandwentintoVienna.FromtherewetooktheovernighttraintoGeneva.Wejusttalked,toldstories,atesomebreadandcheese,dranksomewine,andtradedsongsonourWalkmans.Thenextdaywehadlunchonthelake,wanderedforhoursthroughtheoldcityofGeneva,andthenhaddinnerwithhisfriendAlexandherfamily.
Itwasthestrangestsensation—acceptancefreeofexpectation.Ifeltlikeanynormaltwenty-four-year-olddiscoveringEurope.IhadbeentoEuropemorethanthirty-fivetimes,butneverlikethis.Forforty-eighthoursIwascompletelyintoxicatedwithnormality.Itwasrefreshing.Exhilarating.Comforting.MyrelationshipwithStuartrosetoacompletelynewlevel,andhetaughtmeagainthegreatvalueoffriendship.Iwasremindedthatweekendoftheage-oldlessonthatnomanisanislanduntohimself.Wearesocialbeings—andrelationshipbringsoutthebestinus.
Formostpeople,theirlegitimateemotionalneedsincludespendingtimewithfamily,friends,aspouse,aboyfriendorgirlfriend,colleaguesatwork,andperhapsaspiritualdirectorormentor.
Spendingtimewiththesepeoplehelpsustodevelopasenseofself,teachesustoparticipateinthefulfillmentofotherpeople’sneeds,andremindsusofour
deepconnectionwiththehumanfamily.
Oneofourmostdominantemotionalneedsisourneedforacceptance.Weallneedtofeelwebelong.Inthefaceofrejection,wemayputonabravefaceandpretendthatwecansurvivewithoutacceptance.Andthatistrue;wecansurvivewithoutthenurturingacceptanceprovides.Butwecannotthrivewithoutit.
Weallhaveagreatneedtofeelaccepted.Itisoneoftheforcesthatdriveshumanbehavior.Ourneedtobeacceptedispowerful,anditisastoundingwhatmostpeoplewilldotogainsomesortofacceptanceorsenseofbelonging.
Peerpressuretakesfulladvantageofthisneedtobeaccepted.Undertheinfluenceofpeerpressure,peopledothingsthattheywouldnotdoiftheywerealone(andinmanycaseswouldprefernottodo),simplybecausetheydonotwanttobeexcludedfromacertainsocialcircle.Thereisperhapsnogreaterexampleofourneedtobelong,ourneedtofeelaccepted.
Weseekthissenseofbelonginginhundredsofdifferentwaysatwork,atschool,withinourfamily,inthecontextofourintimaterelationships,andbyjoiningclubs,churches,andcommittees.Someofthewayswetrytohavethisneedmetarehealthyandhelpustopursueouressentialpurpose.Othersarenothealthyandcanpreventusfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.
IhavealwaysbeenfascinatedwithhowmanydifferentchurchesthereareinAmericaandthecriteriapeopleusetochooseachurch.ForseveralyearsIhavebeenaskingpeople,andIamamazedhowsimilartheirresponsesare.Mostofthemsaysomethinglike“FromtheminuteIwalkedintherefiveyearsago,Ijustfeltsowelcome”or“IjustfeellikeIbelongthere.”
Wehaveagreatneedtobeaccepted.Weneedtobelong.
Withthisinmind,itiseasytounderstandwhysomanypeoplejoingangsandcults.Fromtimetotime,youmayhearastoryaboutagangoracult,andthoseofuswholiveinarelativelysecludedworldmaywonderwhyanyonewouldgetinvolvedinthesethings.Simple.Justlikeyouandme,peoplewhojoingangsandcultshavealegitimateneedforacceptanceandasenseofbelonging.Theyjustdon’thavetheoptionsyouandIhave.
Youngpeoplewhogrowupinaninner-cityenvironmentjoingangsbecause
theyseeitastheirbestoption.Thegangprovidesasenseofbelonging,thefeelingofacceptance,andallowsthemtofeelthattheyarenotaloneinwhatmustbeafrighteningworld.Thegangtriestofilltheemotionalneedsthatafamilyshouldbesatisfying.Butinmanycases,theparents(orparent)arecaughtupindrugs,alcohol,andcrime.Or,inperhapsthebest-casescenario,theyaredoingalltheycantopaythebillsandkeepfoodonthetable.Peopledon’tjoingangsbecausetheyseeagreatfutureinit.Theyseethemasawaytosurvive.Peoplejoingangsbecauseitgivesthemsomewheretobelong.
Peoplejoincultsforthesamereason.Weallhaveaneedtobelong,aneedforacceptance.Acultisjustamoresophisticatedformofagang.
Ourneedsarepowerful.Inmanycases,iftheyarenotfulfilledinhealthyways,theywillseektheirownsatisfactioninself-destructiveways.
Thenextofourlegitimateemotionalneedsisourneedfordynamicfriendship.Whilewecertainlyneedacceptance,wealsohaveaneedtobeencouragedandchallengedtochangeandgrow.Onceyoubecomededicatedtobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself,thepeopleyouwillmostenjoyspendingtimewitharenotthosewhoagreewithyouineverythingyousayandtellyouthatyoushouldbealittleeasieronyourself…andhavethatsecondsliceofcheesecake!Ifyouarededicatedtoyouressentialpurpose,thepeopleyouwillwanttosurroundyourselfwitharepeoplewhoinspireandchallengeyoutobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
Thetruthaboutfriendshipisthis:Welearnmorefromourfriendsthanweeverwillfrombooks.Soonerorlater,ourstandardscometorestwiththestandardsofourfriends.Nothinginfluencesusmorethanourpeergroup.Thepeopleyousurroundyourselfwithtellmesomethingaboutwhoyouareorsomethingaboutwhoyouwillshortlybecome.
Ifyouhangoutwithagroupofpeoplewhowantonlytowatchtelevision,drinkbeer,eatpizza,andplayvideogames…chancesareyouwilladopttheirlifestyle.Ontheotherhand,ifyousurroundyourselfwithagroupofpeoplewhoworkoutatthegymfourtimesaweekandfilltheirweekendswithoutdooractivities…chancesareyouwilladopttheirlifestyle.
Ifyouhangoutwithpeoplewhoarealwaysgoingtothedrive-throughforburgers,fries,andsodas…guesswhat?Butifyousurroundyourselfwithpeople
whoareinterestedinlookingandfeelinghealthy…youguessedit,youwillbecomemoreinterestedinyourownhealthandwell-being.
Thepeoplewesurroundourselveswitheitherraiseorlowerourstandards.Theyeitherhelpustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselvesorencourageustobecomelesserversionsofourselves.Webecomelikeourfriends.Nomanbecomesgreatonhisown.Nowomanbecomesgreatonherown.Thepeoplearoundthemhelptomakethemgreat.
Weallneedpeopleinourliveswhoraiseourstandards,remindusofouressentialpurpose,andchallengeustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Ourgreatestemotionalneedisforintimacy.Beyondtheprimaryneedsforfood,water,sleep,andairtobreathe,intimacyisthegreatestneedofthehumanperson.
Lifeisaself-revelation.Lifeexpandsindirectproportiontoourabilitytorevealourselvestoothersandtotheworldaroundus.Yetmostpeoplespendmostoftheirliveshidingtheirtrueselvesandpretendingtheyaresomebodythattheyarenot.
Wewantintimacy.Weneedintimacy.Butweareafraid.Wearedesperatelyafraidthatifpeoplereallyknewwhoweareandwhatwearecapableof,theywouldrejectus.Asaresult,ourfearofrejection(drivenbyourneedforacceptance)andourneedforintimacyareconstantlyatoddswitheachother.
Wemustaskourselvesthesequestions:“Doweprovideanonjudgmentalenvironmentforotherstorevealthemselvestous?”“Doweaffirmthosewelovebycomplimentingthemandexpressinggratitude,notonlyforwhattheydo,butforwhotheyare?”“Whenothersmakemistakes,arewequicktojudgeandridicule,ordoweacknowledgeitasalearningexperienceandpartoftheirjourney?”“Arewewillingtotakethefirststepandmakeourselvesvulnerablebybeginningtorevealourtrueselvestoothers?”
Createanenvironmentwherepeoplefeelsafetobethemselvesandrevealthemselves,andtogetheryouwilldrinkfromthespringsofintimacy.
Allrelationshipscanbemeasuredbyourabilitytoshareourselveswithothers.Wemustpressbeyondtheclichésofourcommonconversationandthefactsofourdailylives.Ifwearetorevealourselvesandenjoyintimacy,wemustlearntoshareanddiscussouropinions,ourhopesanddreams,ourdeepestfeelings,ourlegitimateneeds,andourfears,faults,andfailures.Themoretwopeopleareabletoshareandacceptwithoutjudgment,themoreintimacytheywillenjoy.
Intimacyismeasuredbyself-revelation.Themoreyoushareyourselfwithothers(andviceversa),themoreintimacyyouwillhave.Themoreyouhideyourselffromothers(andviceversa),theshalloweryourrelationshipswillbe.Ifyouareunwillingorunabletoshareyourself,youmustresignyourselftolow-levelrelationships.
Nothingsatisfiesthehumanpersonlikeintimacy.
Weliveintheageofcommunication.Thecommunicationsrevolutionhasbeendrivingtheworldeconomyfordecades,andourlifestylesareconstantlyadjustingtothelatestadvances.Yetthecommunicationsrevolutionclearlyhasnotincreasedourabilityorwillingnesstocommunicateonameaningfullevel.
Thereasonweneglectmostofourlegitimateneedsisthattheyrequireourrarestresources:timeandenergy.Relationshipsarenodifferent.
Relationshipsthriveunderonecondition:carefreetimelessness.Qualitytimeisnowthediscreditedfantasyofanagethatwantedmoreofeverythingexceptthethingsthatreallymattered.Youcannotschedulequalitytimewithyourspouseorwithyourchildren.Ifyouwanttwentyminutesofqualitytimewithsomeoneyoulove,schedulethreeorfourhourswithhimorheroneafternoon,andchancesare,somewhereinthemiddleofthatthreeorfourhoursyouwillhaveyourtwentyminutesofqualitytime.
WhenIwassixteen,IhadafriendbackhomeinSydney.Fromtimetotimehewouldcallmeandsay,“Let’swastesometimetogetheronedaythisweek.”Thatwashisline,andwhatawonderfullessonthatonelinetaughtme.Weusedtogooutandhavecoffeeordinner.Wewouldjusttalk,andlaugh,andsharestories.Sometimeswewouldevenshareapassagefromabookoneofuswas
reading.Werewewastingourtime?No,ofcoursenot.Thosetimeswesharedwereanythingbutawasteoftime.
Inourbusyworld,thereisatendencyforustotrytocontainourrelationshipsinlittleboxesonourschedules.Toooftenthetimewedosetasideforrelationshipsisontheperimetersofouralreadybusylives,soweapproachourrelationshipswithouttheenergytheydemandinordertobefruitfulandfulfilling.
Relationshipsdon’tthriveunderthepressuresofourmodern-dayschedules.Alloflife’simportantrelationshipsthriveundertheconditionofcarefreetimelessness.Learntowastetimewiththepeopleyoulove.
IntellectualNeeds
Ideasshapeourlives.Ideasshapehistory.Weallhaveaneedforaconstantflowofideasthatinspireus,challengeus,illumineourminds,teachusaboutourselvesandourworld,showuswhatispossible,andencourageustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Weneedadietofthemindjustasmuchasweneedadietofthebody.Theideaswefeedourmindtodaytendtoformourlivestomorrow.
Thinkofitinthisway:Webecomethestorieswelistento.Itdoesn’tmatterifwegetthosestoriesfrommovies,music,television,newspapers,magazines,politicians,friends,orbooks—thestorieswelistentoformourlives.
Ifyouwanttounderstandanyperiodinhistory,simplyasktwoquestions:“Whowerethestorytellers?”and“Whatstoryweretheytelling?”
WinstonChurchill,FrancisofAssisi,Charlemagne,Napoleon,CharlieChaplin,AdolfHitler,BobDylan,MotherTeresa,MahatmaGandhi,AbrahamLincoln,MarilynMonroe,NelsonMandela,andJesuseachtoldastory.
Ifyouwanttoknowhowyournationwillbedifferenttomorrowfromthewayitwasyesterday,findouthowthestoriesyournationislisteningtoaredifferentfromthestoriesofyesterday.Ifyoudiscoverthatthestorieswearelisteningtohavelessmeaning,containmoreviolence,and,ratherthaninspireusandraiseourstandards,appealmoreandmoretothelowestcommon
denominator,youcanbesurethatinthefutureourliveswillhavelessmeaning,containmoreviolence,andbemorefocusedonthelowestcommondenominator.
Webecomethestorieswelistento.Butperhapsthemoreimportantquestionis,whatstoriesdoyoulistento?Whatstoriesareformingyourlife?
Ourintellectualneedsareneverurgent,soitiseasytooverlookthem.Whenwasthelasttimeyousaidtoyourself,“Iurgentlyneedtoreadagoodbooktoday”?Itdoesn’thappen.Why?Forone,ourintellectualneedsarenotprimaryneeds.Ifweneglectthem,wewon’tdie.Butmentalvitalityleadstophysical,emotional,andspiritualvitality.Everythinginourlivesbeginsasathought.
Thereasonpeopleneglecttheirintellectualdevelopmentisthattheyassociatebooksandlearningwithschoolandwork.Mostpeoplehaveverylittleleisuretime,andtheydon’twanttospendthattimedoingwhattheyperceiveas“work.”Oneofthegreattragediesofmoderneducationsystemsisthattheyarefailingtoinstillaloveoflearning.Alltoooften,learningisseenonlyasameanstoanend.Itisnecessarytopassanexam,orgetadegree,orgainapromotion.Learning,likesomanyotheraspectsofmodernliving,hasbeenviolentlydisconnectedfromouressentialpurpose.
Somemayarguethatintellectuallywearemoreadvancedthaneverbefore.Thisiscertainlytrue,butthenatureofourknowledgehasbecomeincreasinglymorespecialized.Thetrendisforourprofessionalknowledge,andinmanycasestraining,tobecomemoreandmorespecific.Anarrowerbaseofknowledgenecessarilycreatesanarrowerworldview.
Addtoallthesefactorsthefactthatmostpeoplefeelexhaustedbytheintellectualdemandsbeingmadeuponthemintheworkplace,anditiseasytounderstandwhyalargeproportionofpeopleliketodumpthemselvesinfrontofthetelevisionforhourseacheveningafterwork.
Whenwetakeallofthisintoaccount,itiseasytounderstandwhymostpeopleneglecttheirlegitimateneedforpersonalintellectualstimulation.
Atthesametime,toneglectourphenomenalabilitiestothink,reason,
decide,imagine,anddreamistoenormouslylimitourpotential.
Weallhaveintellectualneeds.Ourintellectualneedsmayvarysignificantlyfrompersontoperson,andwhilemanyareinvolvedinintellectuallyengagingoccupations,weallneedothertypesofintellectualstimulation.Infact,thegreaterourprofessionalintellectualstimulation,thegreaterneedwehaveforotherformsofintellectualnourishmenttocreateabalance.Besides,itishighlyunlikelythatourprofessionalintellectualeffortssuitourindividualneedsateachtimeandplaceinlife’sjourney.
Inthecategoryofpersonalintellectualstimulation,wecouldreadmagazinesaboutfashion,gardening,sports,finance,music,oranyotherareaofinterest.Wewillbeentertained,butitisunlikelythatwewillbechallengedtoraiseourstandardsandbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Toreallystretchourselves,wemustdelveintothewisdomwritings.Selectionscouldincludeavarietyofphilosophicaltexts,thewritingsofcountlessspiritualleaderspastandpresent,andthescriptures.Itisinthesewritingsthattheintellectcomesface-to-facewiththemostprofoundquestionsandtruthsabouttheworld,creation,God,humanity,andourindividualjourneys.Wisdomwritingsconstantlyholdbeforeusavisionofthe-best-version-of-ourselves.Thesewritingsseeknottoentertainus,buttorevealtouswhoweareandwhywearehere.Thewisdomwritingsgentlycallusoutofourcomfortzonesandchallengeustoimprove,develop,grow,andlivelifetothefullest.
Ourintellectualneedsaremanyandvaried.Mostofushaveaneedforaprofessionalintellectualfocus.Weallneeddifferentformsofentertainingintellectualstimulation.Butwemustchallengeourselvestomovebeyondtheseintellectualcomfortzonesandtoembracewritingsthatchallengeustoponderthedeeperquestions,truths,andmysteriesofourexistence.AsMarkTwainwrote,“Themanwhodoesnotreadgoodbookshasnoadvantageoverthemanwhocannotreadthem.”
Bookschangeourlives.Ibelievethatwithmywholeheart.Iliketoaskpeoplewhatwasthegreatestperiodoftransformationintheirlife.Theytellmeitwasfiveyearsagoorsevenyearsago,theytellmeitwaswhentheygotcancerorlosttheirjob,theytellmeitwasinthetowntheygrewupinorinacitywheretheydidn’tknowanyone.“Whatwereyoureadingatthattimeofgreattransformation?”Iliketoaskthemnext.Nineoutoftentimes,theireyeswilllightup,andthey’llsay,“Iwasreading———andthatbookchangedmylife.”
IntheroomwhereIwriteinmyhome,Ihavemorethanathousandbooks.Butonthetopshelfofoneofthebookcases,ateyelevel,Ihavethirty-sevenbooks.Eachofthosebookshashadanenormousimpactonmylife.IcantellyouwhereIboughtthem,whatcityoftheworldIwasinwhenIreadthem,andwhatthecircumstancesandsituationsofmylifewereatthetime.Therearebooksaboutphilosophy,theology,psychology,business,andhistory.Therearesomeincrediblenovelsandbiographies,andthereonthatshelfyouwillfindsomeofthegreatestspiritualandinspirationalclassicsofalltime.ItisinasensemyownGreatBookscollection.
Fromtimetotime,whenIbecomediscouraged,confused,lonely,fearful,orsimplybegintodoubtmylife,andmyself,Igotothatbookshelf.Iglancealongthatrowofbooks,andoneofthosebookscallsouttome.Itakeitfromtheshelfandrediscovertheinspirationthatfirstearneditaplaceonthetopshelf.
Ourbodiesneedregularexerciseandabalanceddiet,andsodoourminds.Youhavealegitimateneedtonourishyourmind.Ifyouchoosetherightdietofthemind,yourlifewillbedirectedbyideasofexcellenceandgreatness.Ifyouallowthemediaandsecularculturetoselectyourintellectualdiet,yourlifewillbeformedbydistractionandmediocrity.
Bookschangeourlives.BeginyourownGreatBookscollection.Choosebooksthatwillhelpyoutoachieveyouressentialpurposeandbecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.Makedailyreadingoneofthedefininghabitsofyourlife.
SpiritualNeeds
Onlyhereintheareaofspiritualitydowecometounderstandmostfullyourotherlegitimateneeds—physical,emotional,andintellectual—andgaintheinsighttolivealifethatenriches,upholds,andprotectsourwell-beingineachoftheseareas.
Ourspiritualneedshaveatendencytochangeastheseasonsofourliveschange.Eachofushasauniquespiritualjourney.Indifferentstagesofthejourney,wehavedifferentneeds.Andyet,therearesomeneedsthatareunchangingandnecessaryinallseasonsofourlives—silence,solitude,andsimplicity.Thewayweseektoexperiencethesehabitsofthesoulmaychange,butallthesame,theyremainessentialtoourspiritualdietifwearetofind
lastingjoyinthischangingworld.
Thenoiseoftheworldispreventingusfromhearingthegentlevoicewithinthatalwayscounselsustoembracethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Wewillbegintohearthisvoiceagainonlywhenwemakeahabitofwithdrawingfromthenoiseoftheworldandimmersingourselvesinsilence.Weneedn’tspendhoursinsilenceeachday,butnothingbringsprioritytoourdayslikeaperiodofsilenceeachmorning.
Everydaylifeposesquestions.Weallhaveaneedtosearchourheartsforanswerstothosequestions.Everydaywearefacedwithamyriadofchoicesandopportunities.Weneedtimeawayfromalltheothervoicestodiscernwhichofthesechoicesandopportunitieswillenableustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselvesandwhicharemerelydistractions.Ithasbeenmyexperiencethattheseexercisesareperformedmosteffectivelyalone,intheprecioussolitudeoftheclassroomofsilence.
Itisalsoinsilenceandsolitudethatlife’spreeminentchallengeisproposedtous.BrotherSilenceandSisterSolitudeunveilthepersonwearetodaywithallourstrengthsandweaknesses,buttheyalsoremindusofthebetterpersonweknowwecanbe.
Inthesilence,weseeatonetimethepersonwearenowandthepersonwearecapableofbecoming.Inseeingthesetwovisionsatonetime,weareautomaticallychallengedtochangeandgrowandbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Itispreciselyforthisreasonthatwefillourliveswithnoise,todistractourselvesfromthechallengetochange.
Commitmenttothepurposeofbecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselvesisthesingularkeytolivinglifemeaningfullyandpassionately.
Silencehasbeenagreatfriendtotheextraordinarymenandwomenofeveryage.Manyoflife’sgreatlessonscanbelearnedonlyintheclassroomofsilence,especiallythosethatteachusaboutourindividualtalentsandhowwecanusethemtofulfillourdestiny.
Forcenturiesandmillennia,thewisepeopleofeverycultureunderthesunhavesoughtthecounselofsilence.Pythagoras,theGreekphilosopherandmathematician(ca.580–500B.C.),wrote:“Learntobesilent.Letyourquietmindlistenandabsorb.”Writingabouttheimportanceofsilenceandsolitude,Blaise
Pascal,theseventeenth-centuryFrenchphilosopher,scientist,mathematician,andwriter,wrote:“Allofman’smiseriesderivefromnotbeingabletositquietlyinaroomalone.”FranzKafka,theCzech-Jewishnovelist,philosopher,andpoet,wrote:“Youneednotleaveyourroom.Remainsittingatyourtableandlisten.Youneednotevenlisten,simplywait.Youneednotevenwait,justlearntobecomequiet,andstillandsolitary.Theworldwillfreelyofferitselftoyoutobeunmasked.Ithasnochoice;itwillrollinecstasyatyourfeet.”
Learntobequiet.Learntobestill.Theseareamongthemostvaluablelessonsinourjourney.
Wecomenowtothespiritualneedofsimplicity.Simplicityisoneofthegoverningprinciplesoftheuniverse,yetwitheverypassingcenturyhumanitylookstogreatercomplexitytosolveitsproblemsandimproveitslife.
Whoamongusneedsalittlemorecomplexityintheirlives?Noneofus!Whatourlivesdesperatelyneedistheliberationofsimplicity.
Ifwelearnonceagaintolistentothegentlevoicewithin,wewillhearitcounselingusmanytimesadaytosimplifyourlives.Whenthevoicesoftheworldproposethemultiplecomplexitiesofmodernliving,thegentlevoicewithinwillwhisper:Whycomplicateyourlife?Overtimewewilllearntoturnourbacksonamultitudeofopportunitiesinordertopreservethepeaceinourheartsthatisbornfromtheblessedsimplicitythattheworlddespises.
Simplify.Simplify.Simplifyyourlifeandyouwillfindtheinnerpeacethatthepoetsandsaintsofeveryagehavecovetedmorethananypossession.
Silence.Solitude.Simplicity.Threegreatfriends!Theymaybethesubtlestofourlegitimateneeds,butwhentheyarehonoredourspiritssoartounimaginableheights,andweareleftonlytowonderhoworwhyweeverfollowedthepromptingsofallthejeeringvoicesofthisworld.
Whenweattendtoourlegitimatespiritualneeds,everythingelseseemstofallintoperspective.Onlythenareweabletoletgoofthepast,waitpatientlyforthefuture,andlivewithanintensepassionforlifeinthejoyofthehereandnow.Wefeelhealthy.Wefeelmorefullyalive.Ourlivesfillwithvitality,and
lifebecomesanexcitingadventureinsteadoftheday-to-daydrudgeryofcountingtheminutesaway.
Thefulfillmentofourlegitimatespiritualneedsleadsustoplaceouressentialpurposeatthecenterofourdailylives.Whensilence,solitude,andsimplicitybecomeapartofthefabricofourlives,wearemuchlessinclinedtoneglectourotherlegitimateneeds.Onlywiththefocus,perspective,andvitalitythatarebornfromthespiritualdisciplineswillweeverlearntotransformeachmomentandexperienceofourlivesintoopportunitiestobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Spiritualitybringsclarity,direction,continuity,andintegritytoourlives.
Youalreadyhaveeverythingwithinyouthatyouneedtomakethejourney.Youmustsimplybegintohonorthetruthyoualreadypossess.
Weallhaveneeds.Weneedairtobreathe,watertodrink,andfoodtoeat.Weneedtoloveandbeloved.Weneedtoacceptandappreciateothersandtobeacceptedandappreciatedbyothers.Weneedtolearn,tochange,andtogrow.Weneedtorememberwhowetrulyareandwhatmattersmost.Weneed.
Thisisourcommonbondashumanbeings.Wearenotasstrongaswethinkweare.Wearefragile.Wearenotasindependentaswepretendtobe.Adayiscomingwhenwewillrealizethatindependenceisamyth.Weareinterdependent.Weneedoneanother,andonlywithandforoneanothercanwelive.Weareoneinourneed.Wearebeingsofneed.
Ourhealthandhappinessareintimatelyconnected.Ourlegitimateneedsarethesecretlanguagethatunitesthetwo.Whenweacknowledgeourlegitimateneedsandbaseourlifestyledecisionsuponthem,wenecessarilylivehealthierandhappierlives.
Lifeshouldbearichandrewardingexperience.Ourlivesshouldbefilledwithmomentsofwonderandinspiration.Lifeisanexpressionofabundanceandshouldbelivedpassionately.
Knowyourneeds.
BeyondOurWants
Thereasonmostofusneglectourlegitimateneedsisthatwearetoobusypursuingourillegitimatewants.Weignoreourlegitimateneedsbecauseweerroneouslybelievethatifwegetenoughofourillegitimatewants,itwon’tmatterthatwearenottakingcareofourlegitimateneeds.Thisisafallacyofmonumentalproportions,becauseyounevercangetenoughofwhatyoudon’treallyneed.
That’sright.Younevercangetenoughofwhatyoudon’treallyneed.
Fulfillmentcomesnotfromhavingmoreandmoreofeverythingforeverintooblivion.Fulfillmentcomesfromhavingwhatyouneed.Thewholeworldischasingillegitimatewantswithrecklessabandon.Weuseallofourtime,effort,andenergyinthepursuitofourillegitimatewants,hypnotizedbytheliethatourillegitimatewantsarethekeytoourhappiness.
Atthesametime,thegentlevoicewithinusisconstantlycallingouttous,tryingtoencourageusnottoignorethewisdomwealreadypossess.
Wemustlearntomovebeyondoursuperficialwantsandbegintodiscoverourdeepestdesires.
Thedifferencebetweenourwantsandourdeepestdesiresismeaning.Adesireisawantwithmeaning.Ourdeepestdesiresarethingswewantbecauseweknowtheywillhelpusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Theproblemis,weareallsobusywantingthatwehaveforgottenwhywewantwhateveritiswewant.Wehavedisconnectedourwantsfromourreasonforwantingthem.
Forthousandsofyearsinmyths,legends,stories,fairytales,andparables,thehearthasbeendefinedastheplacefromwhichourdesiresemergeandtheplacewhereourfeelingsreside.Ourheartsareasindividualanduniqueasourfingerprints.Icannotpresumetoknoworunderstandthemovementsofyourheart,noryoumine,buteachofusmustseektodiscoverandknowthemovementsofourownhearts.
Whatweareabouttodiscoveristhatourneedsanddesiresaredivinelyandprovidentiallylinked.Ifwecangetbeyondourshallowandsuperficialwants,wediscoverthatourdeepestdesiresareforthethingswelegitimatelyneed.Beneaththemultitudeofwantsthatplaguethesurfaceofourhearts,wedesiregoodthingsforgoodreasons.Thesearethedeepestdesiresofourhearts.Theyaregoodbecauseinthemwehopetobetterourselves,theworldinwhichwelive,andothers.Theyarethedeepestdesiresofourheartsbecausetheirfulfillmentleadsustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves,andeverybeingyearnstobecomeallitiscapableofbeing.
Wewoulddowelltolearntolistentothesedeepestdesiresofourhearts,andweshouldfollowthemwherevertheyleadusregardlessofthecostorsacrificeinvolved.
Ourfulfillmentandhappiness,ourwholenessandholiness,dependuponuslivingoutofthedeepestdesiresofourhearts.Ourdeepestdesiresaredirectlylinkedtoourlegitimateneeds.Thecarefulpairingofourdeepestdesiresandlegitimateneedsleadstothefulfillmentofthehumanperson—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Theresultisalifeofunimaginedbalanceandharmony,peaceandprosperity.
PhysicalDesires
Manyofourphysicaldesiresfallintothecategoryofwants.Everydaywehavedozensofphysicalwantsthathavenomeaningbeyondtheattainmentofpleasure.Now,beassured,Ienjoypleasureasmuchasthenextperson.Ourculturehasinmanywayspromotedpleasureastheultimateendinlifeorasthesupremegood.Butpleasureisnottheultimateendinlife.Wedon’tfindourmeaningandpurposeinpleasure.Themodernworldproposespleasureastheroadtohappiness.Butwhereveryoufindmenandwomenwhoascribetothehedonisticviewthatpleasureistobesoughtforitsownsakeateveryavailable
moment,youfindpeoplewhoareovercomewithlaziness,lustfulness,andgluttony.Theyarenotfreeorhappy.Theyareenslavedbyathousanddifferentaddictions,andtheendproducedbytheirphilosophyisnotpleasure,butdespair.
Ourdeepestphysicaldesiresareforthethingsweneed.
Eachdayataroundlunchtime,forexample,Ihaveadesireforsixchocolatedoughnuts.Itisadesire,butashallowone.It’sawant,adesirewithoutmeaning.IfIlistentothegentlevoicewithinme,itwillremindmethatIhaveadeeperdesiretolookandfeelhealthy.
Thefirstdesireforthesixdoughnutsarisesinresponsetomylegitimateneedforfood.Butthebestwaytorespondtothatlegitimateneedforfoodisnotbydevouringhalfadozenchocolatedoughnuts.Thebestwayformetorespondtomylegitimateneedforphysicalsustenanceisbyenjoyingahealthy,balanced,andsatisfyingmeal.
Theshallowdesirehasonlyonethinginmind,theinstantgratificationofpleasure.Oursuperficialwantsarenotevenabletotakeintoconsiderationthefuturepainthatapresentpleasuremaycauseus.
Thedeeperdesireoftheheart—thedesiretobehealthyandphysicallyfit—takesintoaccountthewholepersonandviewsthesituationwithouressentialpurposeinmind.
Theonlywaytosaynotothesixdoughnutsistohaveadeeperyes.Theonlywaytosaynotoanythingistohaveadeeperyes.
Inthiscase,thedeeperyesisforphysicalfitness,health,andwell-being.Butifyouarenotintouchwithyourdeeperyeses,youwillspendyourwholelifelivingouttheshallowandsuperficialdesiresofyourheart.
Whatwetruly“need”wedeeplydesire,butnotattheshallowlevelsofourhearts.
EmotionalDesires
Peoplewillgotoextraordinarylengthsattemptingtofulfilltheiremotionaldesires.Intheemotionalrealm,tohaveaneedanddesirefulfilledtoday,wehad
tostartpreparingforthatmonthsoryearsago.It’sanideathatmanystruggletocometogripswithinasocietywhereinstantgratificationisn’tfastenough.
Physically,ifyoudiscoveryourdeepestdesireisforhealthandwell-being,allyouhavetodoisstartexercisingandadoptabalanceddiet.Intellectually,ifyoudiscoveryourdeepestdesireisforgreaterwisdomaboutyourselfandyourpurposeinlife,allyouhavetodoissetsometimeasideandbegintoreadandstudythewisdomwritings.Spiritually,ifyoudiscoveryourdeepestneedisforsimplicity,allyouhavetodoishaveaspring-cleaningsessionandgetridofalltheexcessmaterialpossessionsthatclutteryourwardrobe,garage,andbasementandlearntosaynotosomeofthemanythingsthatdistractyoufromyouressentialpurpose.
Eachofthesewilldeliverarelativelyimmediatesatisfactionofyourdesireandfulfillmentofyourneed.Butifyoudiscovertodaythatemotionallyyourdeepestdesireisforintimacy,unlessyouhavepreviouslyinvestedinthisareaofyourlife,itcouldtakeweeks,months,andevenyearsbeforeyoubegintoseethefulfillmentofyourneedandthesatisfactionofyourdesire.
Itisintheemotionalrealmthatweareremindedmorethaneverthatwearenotindependent.Weareinterdependent.Werelyononeanotherforthefulfillmentofourlegitimateneedsandthesatisfactionofourdeepestdesire.Lifeisnotsimplyabouttheselfishpursuitofthe-best-version-of-ourselves.Rather,themorewecontributetohelpingothersbecomethe-best-version-of-themselves,themoreprogresswemakeintheattainmentofouressentialpurpose.
WhileIhopesomedaytowriteanentirebookaboutintimacyandthepowerofrelationshipsthatarefocusedonthemutualfulfillmentofourlegitimateneeds,thisisnotthatbook.
Whatwediscoveraswemovethrougheachofthefouraspectsofthehumanpersonisthatthereisastrongconnectionbetweenourneedsandourdeepestdesires.Whenwearetrulyintouchwithourselvesatthedeepestlevels,wediscoverthatwedeeplydesirewhatweneedforoptimumhealth,happiness,efficiency,andeffectiveness.
Theproblemisthatoureverydaylivesdistractusfromourdeepestdesires.
Wegetbusyandtired,andfatiguemakescowardsofusall.Oncefatiguesetsin,weseekinstantgratificationandbegintooperatefromourshallowwantsagain.
Acommonexampleintheemotionalrealmisourdesiretosharecertainexperiencesofourliveswithothers.Whengoodthingshappentous,wewanttosharethemwithsomeoneelse.Thesharingmagnifiesthejoythesegoodeventshavebroughttoourlife.Conversely,whensomethingbadhappenstous,wealsowanttoshareitwithsomeoneelse.Thesharingdiminishestheanguishandheartache.
Let’susetheexampleofabaddaytoexpandalittle.Everyonehasabaddayfromtimetotime,andwhenwedomostofusneedtotalkthroughitwithsomebodyelse.Butwhomyouchoosetoopenuptoisofparamountimportance.
Youmayunloadonanuncooperativesalesclerkbysaying,“Youknow,Ihavehadareallylousyday,andIdon’tneedyoutotreatmeinthatway.”Youwillfulfillyourdesiretoexpressyourfeelings,butyourneedtobeheard,loved,accepted,andunderstoodwillgounfulfilled.
Yourdesiretoexpressyourfeelingsisonlyatinyaspectofyourdeeperneedtobeheard,loved,accepted,andunderstood.Thisdeeperneedwillbemetandfulfilledonlyifyouareabletoexpressyourfeelingstotherightpersonintherightsetting.
Ifyouareamotherandwifeandyou’vehadaterribleday,youmaybetemptedtosaytoyourmisbehavingchildren,“Listen,kids,I’vehadaterribleday,andIdon’tneedyoutobemisbehaving.”Youwillhavefulfilledyourdesiretoexpresshowyoufeel,butthedeeperneedthatthisdesirerepresentswillremainunfulfilled.
Intimewecometounderstandthatwhenwefeelaneedtoexpressourselves,itiscriticalthatwechoosetherightperson.Thesalesclerkdoesn’tknowyousufficientlyandprobablydoesn’tcare,andyourchildrenaretooyoungtorespondappropriately.
Thefactthatyouhadalousydaymaybeasmallissueforyou,butthebiggertheissue,themoreimportantitisforustoopenuptotherightperson.Ifweshareourfeelingswiththewrongperson,itisunlikelythatpersonwillhonorandrespectourfeelingsinthewaythatisappropriateandnecessary.Choosethewrongpersonandthemostlikelyoutcomeisthatwecomeawayfeeling
frustratedandviolatedratherthancomfortedandunderstood.
Weallhaveaneedforatrustrelationship,apersoninourliveswecantalktoaboutanything—arelationshipwithapersonwhowillhonorourfeelingsandreverenceourstrugglewiththecircumstancesofourlives;someonewhowilllistenwithouttryingtofix,change,ormoveus;apersonwhoisabletositwithusinourpainanddancewithusinourjoy;apersonintunewithhim-orherselfenoughtospeakwithcompassion,encouragement,andhonesty.
Weallhaveaneedforsuchaperson,buttheyarealltooraretofind.
Forsomepeople,thispersonisaspouse;forothers,itisaclosefriendoraspiritualguide.Forothers,thispersonisGod,andtheiremotionalneedanddesireinthisareaismetthroughtheirspirituality.Formostpeople,itisamixtureoftheirrelationshipwithGodandoneortwospecialhumanfriendships.
Intheearlierstagesofourlives,wemaypassthroughmanyoftheserelationships—classmates,membersofsportingteams,relatives,afamilydoctor,anolderfamilyfriend,girlfriendsandboyfriends,teachers,apriest,pastor,orrabbi,andmaybeevenamentororacoach.
Oneofourrealchallengesemotionallyisthatwhenwemostneedthesepeople,theyareveryrarelyjustaroundthecornerwaitingforouremotionalneedanddesiretocoincide.
Experiencehastaughtmethatweexpressourselvestoolittleandwecanexpressourselvestoomuch.Itiseasytosharetoomuchwiththewrongpersonandtoolittlewiththerightperson.
Whenlifethrowsusacurveball,ourinstinctistoreactbypickingupthephoneandcallingfiveofourfriendstovent.Wealmostinvariablyregretthisasthedustsettles.Ourfirstresponseshouldbetotakethesituationandourfeelingsaboutthesituationtotheclassroomofsilence.SharingasituationwithGodinprayercanofteneaseoursadnessandanxiety.IhaveneverknownanyonewhofeltviolatedafterpouringhisorherheartouttoGod.
Wehavealegitimateneedandadeepdesiretosharethetriumphsandtrials
ofourlives.Wealsohaveadesireandaneedtobeontheotherendofatrustrelationship.Asissooftenthecaseintheemotionalrealm,ourneedsanddesirescomplementtheneedsanddesiresofthosewithwhomwearemakingthisjourney.
Themorewedelveintothedepthsofourhearts,themorewediscoverthatwehavealegitimateneedandadeepdesiretobethepersonpeoplecantalktoaboutanything,withoutfeelingjudgedorpitied.Weyearntobeapersonwhowillhonorotherpeople’sfeelingsandreverencetheirstrugglewiththeeverchangingcircumstancesoftheirlives.Welongtobethatsomeonewhocanlistenwithouttryingtofix,change,ormovetheotherperson;apersonwhoisabletositwithanotherinhispainanddancewithhiminhisjoy;apersonintunewithherselfenoughtospeakwithcompassion,encouragement,andhonesty.
Ouremotionalneedsanddesiresarevastandvaried.Itisoneareaofourlivesthatwemustapproachcautiouslyandthatrequirespatience.Instantgratificationhasnoplaceintheemotionalrealm.Thefruitsoftheemotionalworldarereservedonlyforthosewillingtoparticipateselflessly.
IntellectualDesires
Whenwegettoobusyandtootired,wetendtolosetouchwithourintellectualdesiresveryquickly.ButallowyourselfseverallazySundayafternoonsinarow,unencumberedbytechnologicalstimulation,andyouwillfindyourselfthinking,I’vealwayswantedtolearnhowtoplaythepianoortheguitar,or,Wouldn’titbeneattolearnSpanishandthentakeatriptoSpain….Iwouldlovetomasterthegameofchess….I’vealwayswantedtounderstandhowthebodytransformsfoodintoenergy….PerhapsIshouldreadalittlemorehistoryorresearchmyfamilytree….MaybeatthistimeinmylifeIshouldkeepajournal….
Leisureignitesourintellectualdesires;fatiguebanishesthem.
Wearebornwithintellectualdesire.Youmayhavelosttouchwithit,butyouhaveit.Overtheyears,youmayhaveburieditoritmayhavebecomedistortedbysomechildhoodexperience,butintellectualdesireisnaturalandabundantinusall.
Intellectualdesireisbestunderstoodintheexampleofachild.Childrenhaveacuriositythatbringsanaturalsenseofwondertotheirlives.Whatarechildrenalwaysasking?Why?Theyarenaturallycurious.Fromthemomenttheycanthinkandspeaklogically,onequestiondominatestheirinnerdialogue(thoughts)andtheirouterdialogue(conversations).Internallyandexternally,theyareconstantlyasking,Why?Theyarenaturallycurious,eagertounderstand,andtheyyearnforknowledge.
Intellectualdesireisoneofthegreatsignsofhumanvitality.Areyouthrivingorareyoujustsurviving?
Ifyouarenotintunewithyourintellectualdesire,whathappened?Maybewhenyouwereachildyourparentsusedtoyellatyouwhenyouaskedquestions.Perhapsyoualwayswantedtolearntoplaythepiano,butyourfriendstoldyouitwasonlyforsissies.Thesimplestthingscancauseustoshrinkbackandburyourselves.Youaskedaquestioninclassasachild,alltheotherchildrenlaughed,andtheembarrassmentburiedthatnaturaldesire.
Lifedoesn’tspareanyofusfromtheseandotherbitter—sometimesbrutal—experiences.Still,wehavetogetbackupandmoveon.Inthiscase,thatmeansrediscoveringourintellectualdesires.Leisurebringsclaritytothemind.Allowyourselftimetorest,relax,andberejuvenated,andasyoudo,yourintellectualdesireswillonceagainbegintoemerge.
Oneofthegreatestproofsofourintellectualdesireisthenumberofbookswebuy.Visitabookstoreforanhourandtellmehowmanybooksyoubuyorwouldhavelikedtobuy.Maybeyoudon’tbuybooksanymorebecauseyouhaveboughtsomanythatyouhaveneverread.Mostofuskeepbuyingthemandpilingthemup.Why?Ourintellectualneedsaresogreatandourcorrespondingintellectualyearningsaresostrongthatwehopeonedaywewillstarttoliveinalignmentwithourlegitimateneedsandourdeepestdesires.
Feedyourmind.
SpiritualDesires
Ourexplorationofthevarioustypesofdesiresbringsusfinallytoourspiritualdesires.Theyliehiddenfromsuperficialityandfrivolityinthedeepestrecesses
ofthehumanheart.Ourspiritualdesiresinsomewaysarethesubtlestofall,yettheyrevealthegreatestofourlegitimateneeds.
Perceivingandrespondingtoourspiritualdesiresisthemostessentialaspectofpersonaldevelopment.Theyearningsofthesensescallouttouswithunerringconsistencyanddrawattentiontotheneedsandwantsofourbodies,butourspiritualdesireslieatthebottomofthedeep,stillwatersofourbeing.
Thedeepestdesireofourheartsisnottodosomethingortohavesomething,butratherforpeace.Weyearnendlesslyforpeace.Wealllongforthepeaceofknowingthatwhoweare,whereweare,andwhatwearedoingisessentiallygood.Weneedtoknowthatwearecontributingtothehappinessofothersandthat,howeverslowly,weareprogressingtowardbecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.Thisistheprescriptionforpeace.
Theneedsthatcorrespondwithourdesireforpeacearesilence,simplicity,andsolitude.
Doyoueverfeelyoujustneedalittletimetoyourself?Doyoufindyourselfquestioningthewayyouarelivingyourlife?Doyouhavequestionsaboutwhatisbestforyounow?Doyoufeeloverloadedoroverwhelmed?
Allofthesearesignsthatyouneedalittlesilence,solitude,andsimplicity.Thesefeelingsandquestionsareourspiritualdesirestryingdesperatelytobeheard.
Dependingonoursituationinlife,someofthesewillbeeasiertomeetthanothers.Amotherwithyoungchildrenmayfinditverydifficulttofindsilence,solitude,andsimplicity.Wemustrememberthatwearenottalkingabouttheconstantsilence,solitude,andsimplicityofamonk.Whatweneedanddesirearesmallpocketsofsilenceandsolitudeandageneralstructureofsimplicity.
Itisalsocriticallyimportantthatwetreasurethetimewedohavetobealone.Ifwerespondtoourneedforsolitudebygoingshoppingbyourselves,ourneedforsolitudemaybepartiallysatisfied,butthedistractionsofmusic,otherpeople,andthehostofdesiresthatwillarisefrom“themallexperience”willpreventusfromdrinkingfromthewellofsolitude.
Inordertoachievethesoul-searchingthatwedesireandlegitimatelyneed,itisimportanttofindaquietplacetobealone.Onlyinthatsilenceandsolitude
areweabletorememberthatwealreadyknowthethingsthatwillbringuslastinghappiness.
Itwouldbelovelyifoursoulsgrowledeverytimetheywerehungrythewayourstomachsdo.Buttheydon’t.Thevoiceofthehungrysoulisconfusion,questions,andageneralsenseofbeingoverwhelmed.
HarnessingthePowerofOurNeeds
andDesires
Oncewelearntounderstandthelanguageofourlegitimateneedsandourdeepestdesires,wecanbegintoharnesstheirpowerinoureverydaylivestoincreaseourenergy,vitality,andloveforlife.
Ifwemakeapointofobservingourselvesindifferentsituations,littlebylittle,wewillbecomemoreawareofthepeople,places,andactivitiesthatinvigorateusandthosethatdrainourenergyanddestroyourpassionforlife.
Ourdesireforfood,exercise,sleep,relationship,study,andquiettimesofprayerandreflectionareallresponsestoourlegitimateneedsforthepeople,places,andactivitiesthatworktogethertomakeuswhole.Ourdeepestdesiresleadustothesatisfactionofourlegitimateneeds,whichinturnproduceshealthandharmonywithinus.Allthisispartofthedivineengineeringsetinmotionwithinyoutoassistyouinthefulfillmentofyouressentialpurpose.
Ourdesiresandneedsareverycloselylinked.Wedesiredeeplybecauseweneeddeeply.Thecarefulmatchingofourdeepestdesiresandourlegitimateneedsrequiresanddemandscarefuldiscernment.Yourhealthandyourhappinessdependalmostentirelyonthedevelopmentofthisability.
Thereisaprofoundandprovidentialconnectionbetweenourneedsandourdesires.Toignoreourneedsanddesires,andtheirrelationshiptoeachother,istoignoreourveryself.Yourbody,heart,mind,andspiritallyearnforyoutobehealthyineverysenseoftheword.Theycollaboratewithoneendinmind,thatyoumaybecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
EverybodyIsaGenius
AlbertEinsteinwrote,“Everybodyisagenius.Butifyoujudgeafishbyitsabilitytoclimbatree,itwillliveitswholelifebelievingthatitisstupid.”ThequestionIhaveforyouatthispartofourjourneytogetheris,“Whatisyourgenius?”
Yousee,Ibelievethatweareallcapableofdoingonethingbetterthananyotherpersonaliveatthistimeinhistory.Whatisyouronething?
Iknowwhatyoumaybethinking.Youmaybethinkingquietlytoyourselfthatyoudon’thaveagenius.YoumaybetemptedtodoubttheideaandthinkthatIamtalkingonlyabouttheextraordinarypeople.No.Everybodyisagenius;whatisyourgenius?
Whoaretheextraordinarypeople,anyway?Aretheytheonlyoneswhopossessgenius?Surelywecannotcountonlythosewhoachieveworldacclaimandsuccess.
Ifgeniusbelongsonlytothosewhoinventthingsthatchangethewholecourseofhumanhistory,createmasterpiecesthatdrawcrowdstoartgalleriesforcenturies,imaginesymphoniesthatliveoninourheartsforever,orbecomegreatpresidentsofgreatnationsorgreatCEOsofgreatcorporations—ifwecountonlypeoplewhosetworldrecordsandwingoldmedals,peoplewhocaptureourimaginationsandraiseourspiritsplayingMajorLeagueBaseballorBasketball,thosewhowinOscarsandGrammyAwards,andpeoplewhoreceiveenormouspublicattentionforgoingtoheroiclengthstoservehumanity—thenwhatistobecomeoftherestofus?ArewetomarchoffquietlyandjoinThoreau’smassesandsimplyleadourlivesofquietdesperation?
Ithinknot.
Letmeexplainfromanotherpointofview.
MymotherlivesinAustralia,andprobablynobodywilleverwriteabookaboutmymother.Shedoesn’tliveintherightsuburbontherightstreet,shedoesn’tdriveanexpensivecar,andshedidn’tgototherightcollege.Mymotherdoesn’tmakealotofmoney,shedoesn’thavealotofmoney,shedoesn’twearexpensiveclotheswithfancylabelsonthem,shedoesn’tvacationinalltherightplaceseveryyear,andshehasn’thadajoboutsideofthehomesinceshegavebirthtomyoldestbrother.
Mymotherhasn’tinventedanythingthatwillchangethewholecourseofhumanhistory,sheisnotthecreatorofartisticormusicalmasterpieces,andshehasnot,andisnotlikelyto,becomethegreatpresidentofagreatnationorcorporation.Mumdoesn’thaveanyworldrecords,goldmedals,Oscars,orGrammyAwards,andshecangotothesupermarketwithoutbeingbotheredbythepaparazzi.
Byalltheworld’sstandards,mymotherisacompletefailure.Butletmeassureyou,mymotherisanabsolutegenius.
Irememberasachildcominghomefromschool.Everyafternoonatthree-thirtymysevenbrothersandIwoulddescenduponthefamilyhomelikesomesortofinvasion.Someofushadexperiencedtriumph,andsomeofushadexperiencedtragedy.Mymotherwasabletoinstantaneouslyconsolethetragedyandcelebratethetriumph.
Asoneofeightchildren,IneverfeltasthoughIwerebeingtreatedasjustpartofthecrowd.Bothmymotherandmyfatherhadaphenomenalabilitytodrawthebestoutofeachofmybrothersandme.
No.Therewillbenobooksaboutmymother.AndasIsaid,ifjudgedbyalltheworld’sstandards,sheisacompletefailure.Butyouknowwhat?Mymothercouldnotcarelesswhattheworldthinks.Mostpeopledon’tknowherwellenoughtocomplimentherorcriticizeher.Andsheknowsthat.Mymothercouldnotcarelesswhatjustaboutanybodythinks.Doyouknowwhy?Becausemymotherknowswhosheis,andsheknowswhysheishere.Shehasnoillusionsabouttryingtobesomeonesheisnot.Mymotherhasdiscoveredhergenius,pursuedhergenius,exercisedhergenius,andcelebratedhergenius.AndifyouandIcangeteventhetiniesttasteofthatpeace—thepeacethatcomesfrom
knowingthatwhoweare,whereweare,andwhatwearedoingmakessenseregardlessoftheoutcomeorotherpeople’sopinions—thenwehavediscoveredourgenius.
Havewesimplybeenjudgingourselvesbyallthewrongcriteria?
“Everybodyisagenius.Butifyoujudgeafishbyitsabilitytoclimbatree,itwillliveitswholelifebelievingthatitisstupid.”
Whatisyourgenius?Weareallcapableofdoingonethingbetterthananyotherpersonaliveatthistimeinhistory.Whatisyouronething?
Youronethingmaybetoloveyourspouse,raiseyourchildren,orbeakindergartenteacher.Youronethingmaybetoinventsomethingthatchangesthewholecourseofhumanhistoryortobecomethepresidentofagreatnation.Itdoesn’tmattersomuchwhatformyourgeniustakesasitdoesthatyouembraceandcelebrateit.
Howwillyouknowwhenyoudiscoveryourgenius?Therearetwosigns:joyandafeelingoftimelessness.WhenIspeakandwhenIwrite,thehourspasswithoutnotice.Thisisnotwork,itispassion.Isitalwayslikethat?No,ofcoursenot.Therearetimeswhentosqueezeasinglecoherentparagraphfrommymindtakeshoursandhours.ButwhenIexperiencethejoyandthetimelessnessofsharingtheseideas,IknowthatIwasborntosharetheseideasasafishwascreatedtoswimorabirdtofly.ItissimplyapartofwhoIam.
Itispossiblethatyouturnedyourbackonyourgeniusyearsago.Manypeoplecastasidetheirgeniusbecauseitisnotspectacularenoughorbecausetheirfamilyandfriendswantedsomethingdifferentforthem.Alltoooftengeniusisabandonedbecauseitdoesn’tmakeusenoughmoney.
Wehaveseentheconnectionbetweenourlegitimateneedsandourdeepestdesires;ouruniquetalentsholdthemissingkey.Itisperhapsnotpossibletofulfillallourneedsanddesires,anditisnotpossibletocompletelydevelopandexerciseallourtalents.Thechallengeforeachofusistocreatealifestylethatwillallowourneeds,desires,andtalentstoliveinharmony.Thisdynamiccollaborationisthekeytolivinglifetothefullestandbecomingthe-best-
version-of-ourselves.
TheThreeCircles
Inordertoquicklyandeasilyunderstandthethreecircles,imagineyouwereabletocreateawayoflife(alifestyleinthetruestsenseoftheword)thatwouldperfectlyalignwiththefollowingcriteria.
First,youspendyourdaysandweeksdoingthethingsforwhichyouhaveaparticulargeneticabilityorGod-giventalent.Whenyouapplyyourselftotheseactivities,youexperienceagreatsenseofjoyandtherarefeelingoftimelessness.Youaresoconnectedwithyourselfandyourdaysthatyoufeelyouwereborntodothethingsyouaredoingandlivethelifeyouareliving.Ineveryway,yousenseyouarebecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.
Second,yourphysical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritualneedsareeachbeingattendedto.Youareimmersedinawayoflifethatperfectlybalancesthefouraspectsofthehumanperson.Ratherthanneglectingoneormoreoftheseareasfordaysorweeks,eachdayyouallocatetimeandenergytoeachofthefourareasoffulfillment.
Third,youarefullofpassionforlife.Youarepassionateaboutwhatyouaredoingbecauseyouabsolutelylovewhoitiscausingyoutobecome.Youlovegettingoutofbedinthemorningtowatchthesunriseandgreetanewday.Youwantfornothingotherthantobeallyouarecapableofbeing,andyouconsideranythingthatdistractsyoufromthatpurposeasawasteoftime,energy,andlife.
Thequestionis,whoorwhatoccupiestheplacecreatedbytheintersectionofthethreecircles?Youguessedit.The-best-version-of-yourself.Themoreyouallowthisonesimple,crystallineconcepttoguideyourlifechoices,themoreyouwilldrivetowardthezonecreatedbytheintersectionofthethreecircles.
Learntoliveinthatplaceandyouwilllivealifeuncommon.
Atdifferenttimesinourlives,wemayhaveanintenseexperienceofone,sometimeseventwo,ofthecirclesinthewayIhavedescribedthem.Fewpeopleinournoisy,busy,distractedworldeverexperienceallthree.Andevenwhenwedoexperienceoneofthecirclesinanextraordinaryway,weareoftenunabletosustaintheexperiencebecauseoftheimbalanceofourlives.
Thethreecirclesaretheblueprintofthegeniusthatlieswithinyou.
Gettoknowyourlegitimateneeds,yourdeepestdesires,andyouruniquetalents.TheyarethecluesthatGodhasplacedwithinyoutohelpyoudiscoveryourdestinyandbecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
Alittlelaterwewilldiscusswhatismissinginourlivesandhowwebegintobuildalifethatallowsthethreecirclestopowerfullyintersectinourdailylives.Butnowitistimetoturnourattentiontounderstandingthechoiceswemakeandwhywemakethem.
PartThree
The-Best-Version-of-Yourself
OverwhelmedbyExperts
Oneofthecharacteristicsofourageisanexcessofexperts.Everyoneisanexpert,itseems.Everydaywearebombardedwithopinionsfromtheseexperts,andtheseopinionshaveawayofweavingtheirwayintoourlivesandphilosophies.
Takenewsandcurrentaffairsprogramsasanexample.Theyhaveahabitofpresentingexpertswhospeakaboutthewayyourfavoritefoodsaremanufactured,thewayyouinvest,howtoraiseyourchildren,thelateststatisticsfromamedicalstudy,andaplethoraofothertopicsthathaveanimpactonyoureverydaylife.
Theystartbyrunningadvertisementsforthisnewsitemeveryfifteenminutesforthewholeday,notonlyontheirowntelevisionstation,butalsoonregionalradiostations.Thewordingoftheadvertisementsinvariablypullsyouinbytriggeringafearthatcausesyoutoquestionwhatyouareeating,howyouareexercising,theassetallocationofyour401(k)plan,howyouareraisingyourchildren,whetherornotyouhavetherighthealthcareplan…andsoon.
Theproblemwiththeflowofthistypeofexpertinformationisthatitispresentedinarapidstaccatoform,withverylittledetail,isusuallytheresultofsomeverynarrowstudy,andisneverfollowedup.If,twoweekslater,theexpertisproventobeblatantlywrong,theydon’tbringyouanotherstoryapologizingforfeedingyoumisinformation.Theydon’tevenstandcorrected.Theyjustmoveontothenextstorythatcancreateafearinyougreatenoughtogetyoutotuneinatsixo’clock.
Thisisjustoneofthewaysexpertinformationisbeingmanipulatedtocreateratingsandultimatelytomakemoney.Allthetime,theseexpertopinionsaremassivelyaffectingtheeverydaylivesofmillionsofpeople.Expertopinionsareoneofthepowerfulvoicesthatcauseustodoubtthegentlevoicewithinus.
WhenwasthelasttimeyousawanyoneonCNNwhowasn’tanexpert?
Weareallowingtoomanyexpertsintoourlives.TheyarebattingusaroundlikeaPing-Pongball,andinmostcasestheydon’tseektoeducateandliberateus.Rather,theywanttomakeusdependentonthem.Inmoreandmoreareasofourlivesweknowlessandlessandhavebecomeincreasinglydependentonexperts.
Inanagewhereeveryoneisanexpert,ourbaseofknowledgeisbecomingnarrowerandnarrower(sowecanbeexpertsinafield),butsoisourbaseofcommonsense.Asthenumberofexpertsinourlivesincreases,ourabilitytoreasonandmakehealthydecisionsforourselvesseemstodiminish.
Don’tsurrenderyourlifetotheexperts.Theyarenevergoingtocareasmuchaboutyourhealth,yourrelationships,yourchildren,youreducation,yourmoney,andyourlifeasyoudo.Andtheyveryrarelyconsiderthewholepicture,themanyaspectsofyourlife.
Eachofusmustlearntomakedecisionsconsistentwiththeguidingprinciplesthatemergefromaclearandcohesiveunderstandingofouressentialpurpose:tobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
WhenIwasachild,Ineverwonderedwhatwastherightorthewrongthingtodo.Ijustknew.Somethingwithinmetoldme.Itseemsthatmostpeoplecanrelatetoasimilarexperienceatsometimeintheirlives.Aschildren,weknowdeepwithinourselveshowweshouldactincertainsituations.Wedon’talwaysactthatway,butweknow.Themostcommonnamewegivethatgentlevoicewithinusisconscience.
Thereisalottobesaidforaclearconscience.Theideadoesn’tgetmuchairtimethesedays,butthereisatremendoustranquillitybornfromknowingthatyouaredoingtherightthingfortherightreasons.
Aswegrowolder,weseemtolosethisgiftofknowingwhichisthebetterwaytoact.Somewherealongtheway,mostofusseemtobeconditionedtodistrustourselves.Westoplisteningtothevoiceofconscienceandbegintoseekouttheopinionsofthemanyothervoicesthatdistractusfromthevoicewithin.
Asaresult,oneoftherealdilemmasthatpeoplefaceeverydayistheinabilitytolookatagivensituationanddecidewhichisthebestwaytoact.
Whenmostpeoplearefacedwithafinancialdecision,theyconsultaparent,friend,colleague,book,financialadviser,orcombinationofthese.Mostpeople,whenfacedwithapersonalormoraldecision,consulttheirspouse,pastor,priest,minister,friends,orthescriptures.Inallofthese,however,thereisnoconstant.Differentopinionsanddifferentinterpretationsleavemanypeoplemorebewilderedthantheyweretobeginwith.Buteachofus,finally,aftergatheringasmuchinformationasisavailable,orasmuchaswechoosetoaccept,isforcedtomakeadecisionandtoact—understandingthateventomakenodecisionistoact.
Betweenthegatheringofinformation,theseekingofopinions,andtheactionsofourlives,anotherprocesstakesplace:decisionmaking.Decisionscannotbemadeinavacuum;theyaremadeinspaceandtime.Tomakeaneffectivedecision,wemusthavesomegoaltowardwhichwearemoving.Ifnot,wefindourselvesdecidingbecause“UncleFranksaiditwastherightthingtodo”or“ReverendGeorgetoldmeitwasbestthisway.”
Insomecasestheseadvisersmayverywellberight,butinotherstheymaynotbe.Thepointis,rather,thatweshouldnotmakeourselvesbeholdentoexpertsinourlives.Wemustseektounderstandnotonlywhatisright,wrong,good,orbest—butalsowhycertainthingsarerightorwrong.Thisdoesnotmeanthatwedonotseektheinputfromadvisersandexperts.Itdoesmeanthatweassesswhattheysayagainstthebackdropofouressentialpurposeandinlightofthegoalwearemovingtoward.Itisalsocriticalthatweunderstandtheeffectsandconsequencesofouractions.
Theseabilitiesarenoteasytoacquire.Howistheordinarypersontoknow?Uponwhatcriteriaarewetobasethedecisionsandactionsofourlives?
Beforewemakeadecision,particularlyalargeone(orbeforewegiveadvicetoassistsomeoneelseinmakingadecision),itiswiseforeachofustotaketimeintheclassroomofsilencetolistentothegentlevoicewithin.Silenceandsolitudegiveaperspectivetothesituationsofourlivesthatcouldnotbegainedbyathousandhoursofconversationorathousandpagesofbooks.
Yetthisthoughtfulreflectionalsocannottakeplaceinavacuum.Itmust
takeplaceinrelationtothespaceandtimeofoureverydaylivesbyconsideringthematterathandinlightofourhopesanddreams,andwithouressentialpurposeeverbeforeus.
Ifyoudonotknowwhereyouaregoing,youwillnevergetthere.
Ourabilitytodiscernanyquestionoropportunityinourlivesdependsprimarilyonourunderstandingofwhereweareandwherewewishtogoand,moreimportant,ourunderstandingofwhoweareandwhowewishtobecome.
Mostpeopledon’tknowwhattheywant.Mostpeopledon’tknowwhotheyare.Mostpeopledon’tknowwhotheyarecapableofbecoming.
Thesearethreeverylargestatements.Aretheytrue?Youdecide.Inanydepth,beyondalittlemoremoney,anewcar,andthevacationofalifetime,doyouknowalotofpeoplewhoreallyknowwhattheywantfromlife?Doyouknowalotofpeoplewhoknowwhattheywantforthemselves?Howmanypeopledoyouknowwhoareintimatelyawareofandintunewiththeirlegitimateneeds?Doyouknowmanypeoplewhoareconnectedtothedeeperdesiresoftheirhearts?Wouldyousaymostpeopleknowwhattheirgeniusisandareusingitasaguidingprincipleintheirlives?Finally,doyouthinkmanypeoplehaveaclearvisionofwhatthe-best-version-of-themselveslookslike?
Thesearetremendousdisabilities.Whenwedon’tknowwhoweare,whatwewant,orwherewearegoingandwhy,weareverysusceptibletobecomingpawnsinotherpeople’sschemes.
Knowingwhoweare(strengths,weaknesses,needs,talents,anddesires)andwhatweareherefor(tobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves)istheknowledgethatliberatesusfromthemodernenslavementofalifeofmeaninglessnessandgivesourlivesbacktousoncemore.
Millionsofpeoplehavelosttheirlives,andtheydon’tevenknowit.
Inalmosteverymomentoftheday,wefindourselvesbeingconfrontedwithquestionsandopportunities.Ourlivesareaconstantflowofdecisions.WhatwillIeat?WhatwillIwear?WherewillIgo?WhomwillIgowith?WhatwillI
do?WhatwillIbuy?WherewillIlive?Lifeisalwaysaskingusquestions.Oftentheyseemsmallandinsignificant,butintruththeycansignificantlyimpactourlives.
Wehaveoptions.Icouldwatchtelevisionforanhoureverydayorexerciseforanhoureveryday.IcouldeatMcDonald’severydayforlunchorIcanhavesoupandasalad.Wechoosebetweenvariousoptionsahundredtimesaday,andourchoicesimpactourhealth,happiness,well-being,anddestiny.
Inhisclassicpoem“TheRoadNotTaken,”RobertFrostdescribescomingtoaforkintheroadandhavingtochoosebetweenthetwopathsthatliebeforehim.Thepoemcloseswithoneofthemostfamouslinesofmodernliterature:“Itooktheonelesstraveledby,andthathasmadeallthedifference.”
Toooftenthepoemisinterpretedasbeingaboutonemonumentalmoment,oneenormousdecision,thatdeterminestheoutcomeofaperson’swholelife.Itisasif,oncethisonedecisionismade,alliswell,andtherestoftheroadissmoothandslopesgentlydownhill.
Thepoemisnotaboutonemomentinaperson’slife.Itisabouteverymomentofourlives.Wefindourselvesconstantlyatacrossroads.Nosoonerdowemakeonedecisionandtakethreeorfourstepsdowneitherpaththanwecomeupontworoadsdiverginginayellowwood…again!
Theforkintheroadisconstantlyappearinginourlives.
Theabilitytochoosecomesfromasenseofpurpose.Leadersarechargedwiththeresponsibilityofmakingdecisions,becausetheyaboveallothersaresupposedtounderstandthepurposeofthepeopleororganizationtheylead.Directioncomesfromanunderstandingofwhereyouaregoing.Ifyoudon’tknowwhereyouaregoing,youarelost.
Whenwehaveasenseofourpurpose,thedecisionsofourdailylivescanbeeasilyassessedwiththatpurposeinmind.Directionemergesinourlivesbybringingourdecisionsbeforethealtarofouressentialpurpose.
Ifyoumakegreatdecisions,youwillliveagreatlife.Inmyownlife,IhavefoundthatthefollowingmodelhasbeenveryusefulinbringingclaritytothedecisionsIneedtomakeeverydayandoftenunderenormouspressure.Whenproperlyunderstood,thismodelservesasacompasstohelpusdiscernthe
opportunitiesthatcrossourpaths.Itisasimplebutfaithfuldecision-makingtoolthathasservedmewellandthatIhopewillalsobecomeatrustedfriendofyours.
Lifecannotbeconfinedtoamodel.Lifeshouldneverbereducedtoamodel.Butveryoften,modelsgiveusvisualstartingpointsthatbringgreatclaritytoouruniquesituations.
Thismodelmakesallowancefor,andcanbeadaptedto,theindividualpersonandanyparticularsituation.
Isetthismodelbeforeyouasastartingpointfordiscerningquestions,decisions,andopportunitiesinyourlife.Morethanthis,itbridgesthegapbetweenknowledgeofactsthatarerightandwrongandthemuchsuperiorknowledgeofwhyacertainactionisright,wrong,good,orbest.Thisisoneofthemajordistinctionsthatorganizedreligionhasfailedtocommunicate,tolargerorlesserextents,sincethebeginningoftime.
Mostpeopleneedtoknownotonlyifacertainactisright,wrong,good,orbest,butalsowhyacertainactionisright,wrong,good,orbest.Ifyoucantakepeopleonestepfurtherandshowthemhowacertainactionwillhelporhinderthemfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-themselves,mostpeoplewillthenatleastbefilledwithadesiretodowhatisgood,true,noble,andright.Eveniftheyareunabletoconvertthatdesireintoaction,youhaveatleastgiventhemavisionthatwilllivewiththemalways.Thismodelhelpsbridgethatgap.
Embracethismodel.Callittomindduringthedaywhenyouarefacedwithadecision,andyouwillseethatitdeliverswithunerringconsistencyastartlingclarity.
Thismodelhasbecomeapowerfulpracticaltoolinmyjourney,andIprayitservesyouaswellasithasservedme.
ThediagrambelowrepresentswhatisunderstoodintheChristiantraditionas“thepathofsalvation,”or“thejourneyofthesoul.”Atthisverymoment,weareallatpointA.
PointArepresentsyou(ormeoranyindividualperson)rightnow—hereandtoday—withallyourstrengthsandweaknesses,faults,failings,flaws,defects,talents,abilities,andpotential.
TheJourneyoftheSoul
PointBrepresentsyou(ormeoranyone)asthepersonyouwerecreatedtobe—perfectly.Ifyoucloseyoureyesforafewmomentsandimaginethebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbeinanyareaofyourlife,andthenmultiplythatvisiontoincludethebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbeineveryareaofyourlife,thatisthepersonyouhavebecomewhenyoureachpointB—the-best-version-of-yourself.
AteverypointalongthepathclosertopointB,wemorefullyrecognize,appreciate,anduseourtalentsandabilitiesandaremorededicatedtoourdevelopment—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.AteachpointalongthepathtowardpointB,thereisamoreharmoniousrelationshipamongourneeds,desires,andtalents.Throughthisprocessoftransformation,webegintoreachouroncehiddenpotential.AtpointB,throughthedualprocessofself-discoveryanddiscoveryofGod,wehaveovercomeourfearsandtransformedourfaultsandfailingsintovirtues.
Areyoudedicatedtoyourdevelopmentphysically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually?
Dedicateyourselfaboveallelsetobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.Itisthebestthingyoucandoforyourspouse,yourchildren,yourfriends,yourcolleagues,youremployees,youremployer,yourchurch,yournation,thehumanfamily,andyourself.Thebestthingyoucandoistobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself,becauseitisdoingwithapurpose.
Embraceyouressentialpurpose.Celebrateyourbestself.
AsyoumakethejourneyfrompointAtopointB,youbegintoallowtheDivineSpirittoemergefromwithin.WitheverystepclosertopointByouallowtheDivineSpirittoguideyouinallyourdecisionsandactions.
WhenyoureachpointByouhavereachedperfection,notinaroboticsense,butinthesensethatyouhavebecomeperfectlythepersonyouwerecreatedtobe.ThejourneyhastaughtyoutoalignyourspiritwiththeDivineSpiritineverything,whichbringsyoutremendouspeace,happiness,fulfillment,andafocusthatisaweinspiringtoallthosewhocrossyourpath.
Thejourneymakesyou“whole”onceagain.Hereistheessenceoftheancienttermholiness—everyelementofyourbeingisnowworkingtogetherinbalanceandharmony.Here,thepowerofthefourfundamentalaspectsofthehumanperson—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—havebeenharnessedandarebeingusedtoleadyoutowardperfection.
Ateverypointalongthepath,thereisamoreintimaterelationshipamongourneeds,desires,andtalents.EverymajorworldreligionholdsthatthemeaningandpurposeofourlivesashumanbeingsistogiveglorytoGod.TheEgyptianmonkAthanasiuswrote,“ThegloryofGodistheperfectionofthecreature.”ThereisnobetterwaytohonorlifeandGodthantostrivetobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
Dedicateyourselftothisjourney—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.
Usethissimplemodeltoguideyou.Itwillrevealtoyouyouressentialpurpose.Itwillhelpyoutobecomefullyawareofyourlegitimateneeds.Itwillteachyoutoperfecttheartofmeetingyourneedsthroughthedailyeventsofyourlife.Asyoudedicateyourselftothejourneyandprogressalongthepath,youwillbegintohavelessinterestinanythingthatdoesnothelpyoutobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
Onlythenwillyouhavethefreedomofthesevendreams—whenyouarefinallyfreeineverysituationtoabandonthe-lesser-version-of-yourselfandchooseyourbestself.Itisafreedomveryfewmenorwomenpossess.
ChoosingHappiness
Happinessisnotsuccess.Happinessisnotpleasure.Happinessisnotfun.
Toomanypeopleequatehappinesswithsuccess,physicalpleasure,andfun.Thesearethemythsthatdistractusfrompursuingtruehappiness.
Happinessisnotsuccess.Whatlevelofsuccessdoyouimaginewillmakeyouhappy?Ipromiseyou,thehappinessbornfromtheachievementofthatsuccesswouldbeveryshort-lived.Onceyouhaveclimbedthatmountain,youwillcastyourgazetothepeakofanother,highermountain.Ihavemetenoughsuccessfulpeopletoknowthatsuccesscannotbeequatedwithhappiness.Someofthemaretremendouslyhappy,othersaredesperatelymiserable.Itseemsthatthosewhowerehappybeforetheybecamesuccessfularestillhappy,andtheirsuccesshasperhapsincreasedtheirhappiness.Butthosewhowerenothappybeforetheirsuccessarestillnothappy,andinsomecasestheyareunhappierthaneverbefore.
Successcontributestoourhappinessonlyinasmuchasithelpsusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Happinessisnotphysicalpleasure.Whatphysicalpleasurecanbesustained?Howlongcanyouenjoythepleasureoffoodbeforeitturnstopain?Howlongcanthepleasureofsexualintimacybesustained?Howlongcanyouindulgeinthepleasureofalcoholordrugsbeforethehighturnsintoalow?Physicalpleasureisfleetingandwhendetachedfromouressentialpurposeleavesemptinessasitsaftermath.
Physicalpleasurecreateslastinghappinessinourlivesonlywhenithelpsusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Happinessisnotfun.Mostpeoplebelievethatthemorefunexperiencesthey
have,thehappiertheywillbe.Childrenaretheperfectexample.Itisinconceivableforthemthathappinessissomethingotherthanfun.Believingthatthemorefunwehave,thehappierwewillbe,wealsotendtochoosefriendswethinkwillcontributetothefunfactor.Howimportantisfuntoyourconceptionofhappiness?
Closeyoureyesforamomentandimagineascenefilledwithhappypeople.
Mostpeopleconjureanimageofpeoplelaughing,eating,drinking,orpartying.Veryfewpeopleconjureapictureofawomansittingquietlyonherporchswing,enjoyingagreatbook;amanjustasquietlyenjoyinghisvegetablegarden;acouplemarriedforthirty-fiveyearswalkinghandinhand;orayoungcoupleraisingtheirchildren.
Ourconceptionofhappinessisoftenfatallyflawedbythebeliefthatfunequalshappiness.Don’tgetmewrong;I’mnotsuggestingyoushouldspendyourlifeavoidingfun.Funisanimportantpartofahealthyandhappylife.Butfunforfun’ssakerarelyleadstoanytypeoflastinghappiness.Thechallengeistolearntohavefundoingthethingsthatmattermost.
Funincreasesourhappinesswhenitisinfusedintothoseactivitiesthathelpusbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Yourabilitytoexperiencehappinesswillbelimitedonlybyyourabilitytograspthemeaningandpurposeofyourlife.
Ineverydecision,wechoosehappinessormisery.Whenwechoosetobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselveswechoosehappiness,andwhenwechoosebydefaulttobecomea-second-rate-version-of-ourselveswechoosemisery.
Thereisonlyonequestion:Willwhatyouareabouttodohelpyoubecomethe-best-version-of-yourself?Iftheanswertothatquestionis“Yes,”doitwithouthesitation.
Thejourneyofthesoulisdifficult.Lifeisdifficult.Itisthosewhoimaginethatlifeiseasyorshouldbeeasywhoenduptheunhappiest.Itisthefrictionoflife,
thechallengesoflife,theebbandflowoftheunexpected,thatallworktogethertohelpusfulfillouressentialpurposeanddestiny.
Alongtheway,therearemanybarriersandobstaclestobeovercome.Inthediagramonpage95,thesymbol!representstheobstaclesthatconfrontusalongtheway—disappointment,failure,loss,fear,addiction,discouragement,fatigue,anger,hatred,laziness,andthestrugglebetweengoodandevil.
Everythinginourlivesshouldbeseeninrelationtothispathandembracedorrejectedaccordingly.Itmayseemsimple.Itmayseemoversimplified.Geniusistheabilitytocapturecomplexitywithasimplevision.Simplicityisthekeytoperfection.Embracethissimplevisionanditwillhelpyouunveilandcelebrateyourgenius.
Theshape,form,andcontentofourlivesaredeterminedbyourdecisions.Someofourdecisionsaresmall,whileothersarelarge.Yettosomeextent,eachdecisionimpactsnotonlywhatwedo,butalsowhowebecome.
Lifecomesdowntoaseriesofchoicesanddecisions.Wefindourselvesconstantlyatacrossroads.
Thereareathousandpossiblepaths.Youmustdecidewhichpathisbestforyou.Itisnotadecisionthatyoumustmaketoday.Takethetimenecessarytobecomefamiliarwithyourlegitimateneeds,deepestdesires,andtalents.Starttomakethesmalldecisionsofyourday-to-daylifeinalignmentwithyouressentialpurpose.Byhonoringthemeaningandpurposeofyourlifeinthesmallthings,youwilldiscoverthatthelargerquestionsloominginyourlifebecomeclearerandclearer.
Happinesseludesallthosewhoseekitforitsownsake.Truehappinessistheby-productofthejourney.
Inourearlierexaminationofthehappinessparadox,weexploredeachofthefouraspectsofthehumanperson—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—andtheactivitiesineachofthoseareasthatcausedustoexperiencehappiness.
Whatdoallthethingsthatcauseustoexperienceatrueandlastinghappinesshaveincommon?Theyallassistusinourquesttofulfillthepurposeofourlives.Theyareallactivitiesthathelpusalongthepathtowardthe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Whenyoueatwellandexerciseregularly,howdoyoufeel?Youfeelmorefullyalive.Youfeelhealthier.Youhavemoreenergy.Youfeelfantastic.Whatishappeningtomakeyoufeelthatway?Notjusttheactivityofeatingwellandexercising,butactivitywithmeaning.Activityempoweredbypurpose.Whenyouareeatingwellandexercisingregularly,physicallyyouarebecominga-better-version-of-yourself.YouaremovingalongthepathfrompointAtowardpointB.
Whenyoufallinlove,orwhenyougiveprioritytoyourexistingrelationshipsbyinvestingsomecarefreetimelessnessinthem,howdoyoufeel?Amazing,energized,inspired,moved,capableofanything.Whatishappeningtomakeyoufeelthatway?YouhaveengagedyouressentialpurposeandaremovingfrompointAtowardpointB.Youaremakingthejourney.Yourabilitytoloveisincreasing,andyourabilitytobelovedisincreasing.Yourheartisexpandingitscapacities.Youbegintothinkofanotherpersonbeforeyourself.Emotionally,youaregrowing,changing,developing—becomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.
Whenyoureadagreatbookanddiscoverdynamicideasandancienttruths,howdoyoufeel?Morementallyvital,morevibrant,morealert.Why?Yourmindisexpanding.Intellectually,youaregrowing,changing,developing—becomingthebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe.
Whenyouhaveaspiritualencounterorexperience,howdoyoufeel?Asthoughthewholeworldcouldfallapartanditwouldn’tmatter.Why?Yourspiritisexpandingandyouarebeginningtoseethingswithproperperspectiveandpriority.Spiritually,youaregrowing,changing,developing—becomingthebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe.
Thisjourneyislife.
Happinessismerelyaby-productofthejourney.
Dedicateyourselftothejourney.Developastrong,uncompromisingcommitmenttobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.Makethedecisionsof
yourlifewiththatpurposeandgoalinmind.
Taketimeeachdaytovisualizethatpersonyouarecapableofbecoming.Ifyoucannotvisualizethebetterpersonyouwishtobecome,youcannotbecomethatbetterperson.Themorespecificyourvisualization,thefasterandmoreeffectivelyyouwillbetransformedintothatbetterversionofyourself.Visualizeparticularwaysofactingincertainsituations.Imagineasituationwithaparticularpersonwhereyouarenormallyimpatient.Visualizetheperfectwaytorespondtothatperson,overandoveragainintheemptymomentsoftheday,andbeforetoolongyouwillbegintorespondtothatpersoninthewayyouhaveimagined.
Allgreatchangeisfirstanideainourminds.Thefirstexpressionofeverygreatachievementinhistoryhasbeeninthewonderoftheimagination.Visualizethechangesyouwishtoachieve.
Ifyoudonot,youwillnot.
Philosophersholdthatthebeingofsomethingchangeableconsistsnotonlyofwhatitis,butalsoofwhatitstillcanbe—thatis,itspotential.So,inthephilosophicalsenseofbeing,asapersonyouconsistnotonlyofwhoyouarenow,butalsoofwhoyouarecapableofbecomingatanymomentinthefuture.Itisthevisionofthepotentialwithinusthatleadsustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Recognizeyourpotential.Youalreadyhaveeverythingwithinyouthatyouneedtomakethisjourney.
Lifeischoices.Choosethe-best-version-of-yourselfineachmoment.
Choosehappiness.
TheEnemyofExcellence:Minimalism
Veryoftenouroldhabitsgetinthewayand,toacertainextent,canpreventusfromchoosinghappiness.Thesehabitsmaymanifestaseatingtoomuch,drinkingtoomuch,watchingtelevisioninsteadofexercising,hangingoutwiththewrongcrowd,oranynumberofbehaviorsthatcauseustobecomea-lesser-version-of-ourselves.Buttheyallbeginashabitsofthemind.Ifwewantourlivestochange,wemustfirstexamineandalterourmindhabits.
Oneofthegreatestobstaclesinthemodernpsychetoachievingourdreams,becomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves,andembracingourdestinyisminimalism.Consciouslyorsubconsciously,theminimalistisalwaysasking,“WhatistheleastIcando?”Minimalismisamind-set,ahabitofthemindthatcanaffectanyareaofourlives.
Thelitanyoftheminimalistisneverending.
WhatistheleastIcandoandstillkeepmyjob?WhatistheleastIcandoandstillgetreasonablegradesinschool?WhatistheleastIcandoandstayphysicallyfit?WhatistheleastIcandoandraisemychildren?WhatistheleastIcandoandkeepmyspousefromnaggingme?WhatistheleastIcandoandstillgettoheaven?
Theminimalistwantsthefruitofacertaintoilbutdoesnotwanttotoil.
Minimalismbreedsmediocrity.Itisthedestroyerofpassion.Minimalismisoneofthegreatestcharacterdiseasesofourtime.Itistheenemyofexcellenceandacanceronsociety.Theproblemis,culturallyweencourageminimalism.
Oureducationsystemsfoster,encourage,andrewardthisattitude.Thefinalexamisthemaintestofwhatastudenthasorhasnotlearned.Thisallows,ifnot
encourages,studentstocramknowledgeintotheirmindsforanexam,knowledgetheywillalmostimmediatelyforgetoncetheexamhasended.Ifyoupass,youmoveon;ifyoufail,youmustrepeattheprocess.Attheendofthecourse,youreceiveapieceofpaper—thereward.
ThewordeducationcomesfromtheLatinwordeducare,whichmeans“todrawout.”Wedonotteachourchildrentheloveoflearning.Wedonotholdknowledgebeforethemasapowerfultoolforpersonaldevelopment.
Wedon’tproducebroadlyeducated,well-roundedleadersfortomorrow.Weteachmoreandmoreaboutlessandless.Wedon’tdrawouttheindividual.Weimposeupontheindividual—systemsandstructures.Wedon’treverenceindividuality,wedon’ttreasureit,westifleitandtrytostampitout.Wedon’teducate,weformulate.Weabandontheindividualinhisorherownneedanduniquenessand“impose”thesameuponall.
Weprovideaneducationinspecialization.Weproduceclonesforthemodernworld.Wethrowpeopleintoamold,whichwecallaneducationsystem,toformcogsfortheglobaleconomicwheel,allthetimedanglingthegoldencarrotbeforethemasincentiveandreason.
Truthbetold,ourmoderneducationsystemscrushtheveryspirittheyclaimtoinstill.
WeneedtoreturntotheancientGreekidealofeducatingthewholepersonandcrownthatidealwithourmodernunderstandingofspirituality,aswestrivetonurtureeveryaspectofthehumanperson—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.
Minimalismisbornfromalackofpassionforthethingswedo.Whereveryoufindpeopledoingthingsthattheyarenotpassionateabout,youwillfindminimalism.
Ourlegalsystemsandourmoderninterpretationoflawareanotherprimeexample.Today,peopletendtointerpretthelawsuchthattheyconsiderwhatevertheycangetawaywithasrightandwhatevertheycannotgetawaywithaswrong(inmanycasesperhapsnotevenwrong—just“againstthelaw,”orinconvenient).
Speedingisaprimeexample.Thespeedlimitisfifty-fivemilesperhour,but
youknowthatthepolicewillnotstopyouunlessyouaredoingmorethansixty-fourmilesperhour.
Thelawobligesusonlytotheminimum.Theproblemisthatobligingpeopleonlytotheminimumbreedsminimalism.Andonceinoursystem,thisdiseasedmind-setcreepsintootherareasofourlives,takesagriponourcharacter,andsignificantlyaffectsourworkandourrelationships.
Theeffectsofminimalismaremany.Minimalismeatsawayatthecharacterofaperson,andthereforesociety,justasadiseaseeatsawayatthebodyonecellatatime.Theminimalistsuffersfromdreadfullylowself-esteem.Hislowself-esteemisnottheresultoffailure,buttheconsequenceofnoteventrying.Theminimalistdoesn’tstrivetoexcel;hestrivestosurvive.Theminimalistforgetsthatittakesjustasmuchenergytoavoidexcellenceasitdoestoachieveexcellence.Apersongrippedbythemind-setofminimalismbecomesveryself-seekingandcontributeslittletothecommongoodofhiscommunityorsociety.Theminimalistquicklybecomesunfulfilledandmiserable,butwithnoplantochange,hegoeson,minimally,doingwhathehasalwaysdoneandspreadingthedissatisfactionandmiserythathehascreatedforhimselftoeveryonehemeets.Theminimalistjustgoesthroughthemotions.Heisaprisonerandvictimoftheday-to-daydrudgerythatstiflesthegreatnessofthehumanspirit.
Thetruthisthatweprobablyallsufferfromminimalisminoneformoranother.Tolargerandlesserextents,weareallminimalistsindifferentareasofourlives.Itisgoodthatweareabletorecognizethis,becauseminimalismislikeacancer:itspreads.Thegoodnewsis,thereisacureforminimalism.
Ineveryagetherehasbeenagroupofpeoplewhohaveescapedthisdiseasedmind-setandrisenaboveminimalism.Thesepeoplearesuccessfulinmanydifferentwalksoflife.Theyareachievers.Theygotthejobdone.Theyareleaders,heroes,legends,champions,andsaints.Theydidn’taskthemselves,“WhatistheleastIcando?”andthenproceedtoleaddispassionate,boringlivesofmiseryanddissatisfaction.Rather,theyaskedthemselves,“WhatisthemostIcando?”Withthevisioninspiredbythisquestion,theythensetouttodothemosttheycould.Notmerelyactivity,butactivitydrivenbyadeepsenseofpurpose.Theydidthemosttheycouldtothebestoftheirabilitiesinasinglelifetime.
Whenwelookattheirlives,wefindmenandwomenwhohada
commitmenttoexcellence.Theyknewhowtodream,andtheywerenotafraidtodreamthebigdreams.Theywerefilledwithcourage,andthatcouragewasbornfromknowingwhotheywereandwhytheywerehere.Therewasboldnessandbrillianceinthewaytheylivedtheirlives.Aswelookonasspectators,wearecontinuallyamazedbythepassion,enthusiasm,energy,andexcitementtheyfilledtheirliveswith.Theirachievementsaresomanythattheycanonlybesummarized.Andthegreatnessoftheseachievementswillneverbefullyknowntous—orthem—fortheeffectsoftheirvisionandgoodnesscontinuetoimpactthelivesofpeopleeveryday.
Donotask,“WhatistheleastIcando?”;rather,ineverysituation,askyourself,“WhatisthemostIcando?”Ifyouarewilling,thisonequestionwillintroduceyoutoyourbetterselfandchangeyourlifeforever.
Somewhererightnow,someoneistrainingforthenextOlympicgames.CanyouimagineanOlympicathleteaskingherself,“WhatistheleastIcandoandstillwinthegoldmedal?”Championsdon’ttakeshortcuts.Championsgiveeverythingtheyhavetotraining,preparation,andcompetition.Thatiswhatmakesthemchampions.Onthedayofcompetition,thedaythatreallycounts,everyshortcuttakenintrainingcomestohaunttheathlete.
Yourcharacterisyourdestiny.Buildingcharacterisataskonlyforthebraveanddedicated.Therearenoshortcutswhenitcomestobuildingcharacter.Ifyouwishtocureminimalisminyourownlife,todevelopacompletecommitmenttoexcellenceandanabsoluterejectionofmediocrity,thequestionyouneedtostartaskingyourselfis,“WhatisthemostIcando?”
Givethisquestionapermanentplaceinyourinnerdialogue,andyouwillbewellonthewaytoachievingyourdreamsandbecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.
AreYouFree?
Historyhastaughtusthattheonethingmenandwomenofeveryplaceandtimehavealwaysbeenwillingtofightfor,andindeeddiefor,isfreedom.Freedomisthecornerstoneofallgreatnations.Freedomisthepinnacleofspirituality.Andfreedomisthemostbasicandessentialhumanright.
Whileatthistimeinhistorythereappearstobenomilitarythreattoourfreedom,Ibelieveitiscruciallyimportantforustoreassesswhatmakesusfree.
Whatisfreedom?Whatdoesitmeantobefree?ThisisoneofmyfavoritetopicswhenIspeakinhighschools.Ibeginbyposingthequestiontothestudents,andoneinevitablyreplies,“Freedomiswhenyoucandowhateveryouwant,whereveryouwant,wheneveryouwant,withoutyourparentsorteacherstellingyoutodootherwise.”
Consciouslyorsubconsciously,thisishowmostpeopleviewtheconceptoffreedomintheworldtoday.Freedomisviewedasthepower,thestrength,ormerelytheconveniencetochoose.Thisnotionisfalse.
Freedomisnotsimplythecircumstancesthatallowyoutodowhateveryouwant.Freedomisnotonlytheopportunitytochoose.Freedomisthestrengthofcharactertochooseandtodowhatisright.Withthatinmind,oursisnotanageoffreedom,butanageofslavery.Itissubtle,butitisreal.Thefoundationoffreedomisnotpowerorchoice.Freedomisupheldnotbymenandwomeningovernment,butbypeoplewhogovernthemselves.
Self-disciplineisthefoundationoffreedom.Thisself-discipline,thismasteryofself,isacquiredonlybythepracticeofself-denialandisacquiredalwaysfromwithin.Disciplinecanneverbeimposeduponaperson;itmustemergefromwithinaperson.Self-disciplineisthefoundationofgreatness,achievement,success,heroism,leadership,sanctity,andvibrantandflourishing
communitiesandnations.Thereisnolibertywherethereisnoself-discipline.
Speakinginaninterviewaboutdiscipline,JulieAndrewscommented,“Somepeopleregarddisciplineasachore.Forme,itisakindoforderthatsetsmefreetofly.”
Ifyouexaminethelivesofmenandwomenwhohaveachievedlittleornothingwiththeirlives,peoplewhoaremiserable,mean,anddispassionate,youwilldiscoverthatitwasnototherpeoplewhodestroyedtheirlives.Destructionalwayscomesfromwithin.Itistrueforanation,anditistrueforpeople.
In1838,withapropheticvoice,AbrahamLincolnsaid,“Atwhatpointistheapproachofdangertobeexpected?Ianswer,ifiteverreachus,itmustspringupamongstus.Itcannotcomefromabroad.Ifdestructionbeourlot,weourselvesmustbeitsauthorandfinisher.Asanationoffreemen,wemustlivethroughalltimes,ordiebysuicide.”
OnanotheroccasionLincolnsaid,“Ourdefenseisinthepreservationofthespiritwhichprizeslibertyastheheritageofallmen,inalllands,everywhere.Destroythisspirit,andyouhaveplantedtheseedsofdespotismaroundyourowndoors.”Inthelaterpartofthetwentiethcentury,we“plantedtheseedsofdespotism”aroundourowndoorswithonecreed,message,andmotto:“Ifitfeelsgood,doit.”
Inadayandagewherethereislittlerealthreatofourfreedombeingattackedbyforeignforces,wehavebecomeslaves.Thethreatisnotforeign,butlocal.Internal.Wehavebecomeourownworstenemies.Thepeopleofthesemoderntimeshavebecomeslavestoalcohol,drugs,food,pornography,gambling,sex,violence,shopping…Ourslaveryistheresultofacomplexofaddictionsthatweoftenrefusetoacknowledgeorchallenge.Theseaddictionsattackandtakeovernotonlyourbodies,butalsoourminds,hearts,spirits,andcheckbooks.
Addictionistheenemyofself-discipline.Addictionistheenemyoffreedom.Addictionrobsusofself-discipline,freedom,andindeedourverydignity.
Duringthelastfiveyears,Ihavehadtheopportunitytotravelallovertheworldandtoexperiencedozensofdifferentcultures.ButmyfascinationlieswiththeUnitedStates.IamcontinuallyamazedasIwitnesstheinfluencethat
Americaexercisesculturally,economically,politically,andsociallyinalmosteverynation.
ThefoundationofthisnationwecallAmericaisthesimpleyetpracticallycomplexnotionof“libertyforall.”Freedom!
Neverwasanationfoundedonidealsandprinciplesaspureasthosethefoundingfatherslaiddownforthisgreatnation.Theyenvisionedalandwheremenandwomencouldlivetogetherinharmonyandpeace.Theyimaginedaprosperousland,onewherethepeoplewouldhelpandencourageoneanothertoleadgoodlivesinserviceofthecommongood.Alandwherepeoplewouldratherhelpyouupthanpullyoudown,alandwheremenandwomencouldpursuetheirdreams.Theyhadinmindanationgovernedbymenandwomenfromallwalksoflife,withdifferentviews,butdedicatedtotheircommonpurposeofaffirmingthehighestvaluesofthehumanspirit.Hastheirvisionbeenrealized?Hastheirdreambeenforgotten?
Mottoesandphilosophiessuchas“Ifitfeelsgood,doit”and“Toeachhisown”aredestroyingthefoundingfathers’visionandrobbingusofourfreedom.Suchphilosophiesleadustohaveonemorebeeroronemoreshot—becauseitfeelsgood.Theseattitudesleadustocheatonourwives,evenifitisherbestfriend—becauseitfeelsgood.Then,beforeyouknowit,childrenstartwalkingintoclassroomsandshootingtheirteachersandclassmates—becauseitfeelsgood.Afterawhile,ourchildrenarehungryandhaveholesintheirshoes—becausethethrillofgamblingfeelsgood.Anditgoeson,andon,andon,reachingintoeverycornerofourlivesandoursociety.
Wherediditallstart?Wheredidwegetlost?Whatwentwrong?Howdowemakeitright?Thefoundationofgreatnationsisfreedom.Thefoundationoffreedomisnotstrength,butcharacter.Thefoundationofcharacterisdiscipline.
ThemoraldecayofourmodernWesternculturebeganwhenweputasideself-discipline,whenwestoppedexpectingitofourselves,andwhenwefailedthetestsoffriendship,parenthood,andleadershipandstoppedexpectingitofthepeoplearoundus.
Ourlivesandtimesareplaguedandcharacterizedbyinnumerableaddictions.Weareaddicted,andinasmuchasweareaddicted,weareslaves.
Thehumanspirithasextraordinaryabilitiesandwascreatedtosoar.Thereis
nothingmoredevastatingthanthestiflingofthehumanspirit.Addictionstakeagriponusfromwithin.Theysuckthestrengthfromourwillandrenderususelessinanyworthwhilecause.Peoplewhoareenslavedbyaddictionhaveaweakwill.Theirmindisplaguedbydoubts,fears,andallmannerofnegativethoughts.Theyhavenoself-controlandarenotcapableoftakingtheinitiative.Thosewhoareparalyzedbyaddictionfollowsheepishlywherevertheflockleads.Andtheywilldoanythingtoavoidtakingagood,long,hardlookatthemselves.
Quitetheoppositeisapersonwhoisfree.Thefreemanorwomanisquietlyconfidentandpeaceful.Awareofbothhisstrengthsandweaknesses,heseeksself-analysistoimprovehimself.Sheisawomanofintegrity,andherwordisbetterthanasignedcontract.Hismindisconstantlyfilledwithgratitude,appreciation,andallmannerofpositivethoughts.Sheisaleaderwhoispreparedtotaketheinitiative.Heisamanofcharacter,self-control,andfirmwill.Shelivesbybringinghappinesstootherpeople’slives.Hehasbeenanaddictofonethingoranother—perhapsmanyaddictionshaveplaguedhislife—buthehasovercomethemandnowguardscarefullyagainstnewaddictions.
Areyoufree?
Ilovechocolate.It’sjustoneofthosethingsthatIhavetowatchinmylife,otherwiseIcangetcarriedaway.
DuringthemonthsIspentinAustriain1997,IwassharingaroomwithafineyoungmanfromSlovakianamedJuraj.Oneafternoon,Iwasrestingafteranoverwhelmingmorningofclasseswhenhecameunexpectedlythroughthedoor.Iwaslyingonmybed,readingToKillaMockingbirdandeatingasmallhalf-poundbarofchocolate.
Ithinkhehadnoticedtheemptychocolatewrappersaroundtheroomintheweeksbeforethatday,andhelookedatmeandsaid,“Ithinkyoueattoomuchchocolate.”Ihumoredhimandadmittedthathewasprobablyright.Butthenhesaidtome,“Areyoufreefromit?”Ilookedathimasiftosay,“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Relax.It’sjustchocolate.”Hesawthatthoughtcrossmymind,andheaskedagain,“Really,areyoufreefromit?”Notwaitingforananswer,hethenpickedupabookfromhisdeskandwentbacktohisclass.
Iimmediatelybegantothinkaboutit.Icouldn’tanswerthequestion.Ididn’t
knowifIwasfreefromchocolate.Ithadbecomesucharegularpartofmylife,Icouldn’trememberthelasttimeIwentformorethanacoupleofdayswithoutchocolate.SoIdecidedtoanswerthatquestionintheonlywayIknewhow.Idecidedthatbeginningthenextday,Iwouldnoteatanychocolateforonemonth.
Thenitbegan.Theexcuses,thecryingoutofthebody,thosetormentingurgesofthefleshdemandingtobesatisfied.IlastedaboutsixtyhoursbeforeIfoundmyselfdevouringasmallhalf-poundbarofchocolate.
ThenextdayIresolvedtotryagain.Itriedandfailed.Triedandfailed.ThreetimesIfailed.OnlyonmyfourthattemptdidIsucceed.OnmyfourthattemptIwasabletogiveupchocolateformorethanthreemonths.Itwasthen,andonlythen,thatIknewIwasfreefromchocolate.Iknewitwasmyservantandnotmymaster.
Idiscoveredthatchocolatehadbecomeapartofmyeverydaylife.InsomewaysIhadevenbeguntolivemylifearoundit.Nowitisanoccasionaljoyinmylife,andIenjoyitmorethanIeverdidwhenIwaseatingapoundatatimeaspartofmyeverydayroutine.Itasteitnow.Itsoundssilly,butbackwhenIwaseatingchocolateconstantly,Idon’tremembertastingitbeyondthefirstbite.
Thoseofyouwhohaveexperiencedandovercomeanaddictionwillnoticetheclassicsymptomsinmythinkingandbehavior.
Ifyouthinkyouareaddictedtosomething,thereisonlyonewaytofindout.Theysaytwenty-eightdaysisthecriticalperiodforbreakingaddictions.Theonlywaytoknowifyouarefreeistosayno.Giveitup.Ifyoucan,youarenotaddicted.Ifyoucannotgowithoutit,whateveritisforyou,thenthereisagoodchanceyouareaddicted.
AldousHuxleyobserved,“Addictionisanincreasingdesireforanactwhichgiveslessandlesssatisfaction.”
Weallhaveaddictions.Somearemuchmoreseriousthananaddictiontochocolate,buttheeffectisthesame.Addictionsweakenthewill,whichinturnweakensourcharacter,whichweakensourabilitytoachieveandsucceedinanyareaofourlives,andultimatelyweakensourabilitytochoosethe-best-version-of-ourselvesinthemomentsofourdays.Everyareaoflifeisweakenedbyaddiction.MahatmaGandhioncewrote,“Mancannotdorightinonedepartment
oflifewhilstheisoccupiedindoingwronginanotherdepartment.Lifeisoneindivisiblewhole.”
Howdoweacquiretheseaddictions?Addictionissimplytheresultoftakingthepathofleastresistance.Toooftenwelivebythemottoes“Ifitfeelsgood,doit!”and“WhatistheleastIcando?”Indoingso,webegintoformcertainhabits.Informingthesehabits,webecomeaddictedtocertainpatternsofbehaviorthatareultimatelyself-destructive.
Wearecreaturesofhabit.Itissimplythewaywearemade.
Theimportantthingisthatoncewehaverecognizedthistruthaboutourselves,weshouldbegintousethisself-knowledgetoouradvantage.Thepowerofhabitscanbeharnessedtohelpustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves,orthepowerofhabitscanbeusedtohelpusbecomea-second-rate-version-of-ourselves.It’sthesamepower,buthowweapplyittoourlivescanberadicallydifferent.
Ifachildlearnstoquiteverytimeheisunsuccessful,hischaracterwillneverbearthejewelofperseveranceandhewillformtheself-destructivehabitofquitting.Ifaperson’scharacterisscarredbythistrait,whatwillheachieveinlife?Nothing.
Ontheotherhand,ifayounggirllearnstobepatientwithherlittlebrother,eventhoughheisslowerandclumsier,shewillquicklydeveloptheempoweringhabitofpatience.Whenthisgirlbecomesawomanandcomesupagainstobstaclesinherlife,herpreexistinghabitualresponsewillbepatientperseverance.Ifaperson’scharacterismarkedwiththistrait,whatwillsheachieveinlife?Greatthings.Weareindeedcreaturesofhabit.Andyes…wechooseourhabits.
Addictionsareacquiredbypracticingacertaintypeofbehavioroftenandexcessively.Characterisacquiredbypracticingcertaintypesofbehavioroftenandexcessively.
Webreakaddictionsinthesamewayweformthem.Anaddictionisapatternofbehavior.Itisnotenoughmerelytogiveupacertaintypeofself-
destructivebehavior.Thatsimplydoesnotwork.Wemustcrowdthemout.Intheplaceoftheself-destructivehabit,wemustplantaself-empoweringhabit.
Addictionsstifleourpersonaldevelopment.Theypreventusfromchanging,growing,andbecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.Deepwithinyouthereisaverystrongdesiretobecomeyourbestself,andlivingoutofthatdesireisthekey.Desireisagreatmotivator.Ifyoucanseehowovercomingtheaddictionwillgiveyouaricher,fullerlife,andconstantlyremindyourselfofthisfact,yourdesireforaricher,fullerlifewillbecomegreaterthanyourdesirefortheaddictivebehavior.
Asalways,wemustlivewiththepathinmind.ThejourneyfrompointAtopointBshowsusclearlythatanyaddictionwehaveinourlivesisgoingtobecomeanobstaclethatwillkeepusfromfulfillingouressentialpurpose.
Onceweareconvincedthatouraddictionsaregoingtostopusfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves,weneedastrategy.Therehasbeennostrategyforovercomingaddictionsmoresuccessfulthanthe12-stepprogramofAlcoholicsAnonymous.Althoughitisnotaguidetoovercomingandrecoveringfromalltypesofaddictions,itgivesusanideaofthetypeofstrategyneededtoovercomeanyaddictioninourlives.TheprogramwasdevelopedbytwoalcoholicsintheUnitedStatesandisunquestionablythemostsuccessfulapproachfortreatingaddictionsinhistory.Theprogrambegansimplyasthestoryofthesetwomenandtheirstruggletoovercometheiraddictiontoalcohol.Beyondthat,theypinpointedthewaystheydeceivedthemselvesandothersandformulatedtwelvestepstohelpotheralcoholicsrecognizeandovercometheirself-destructivedependencyonalcohol.Itisanexampleofhowpowerfulourstoriescanbe,toourselvesandtoothers.ThestoryofAAhasempoweredmillionsofmenandwomentowresttheirlivesbackfromthehauntingpowersofaddiction.
Theprogramiscenteredonthefollowingtwelvesteps,butitisdependentupontherecoveringalcoholicswhocontinuetosharetheirownstorieseverydayinthousandsofcitiesaroundtheworld.
StepOne
Weadmittedwewerepowerlessoveralcohol—thatourliveshadbecomeunmanageable.
StepTwo
CametobelievethataPowergreaterthanourselvescouldrestoreustosanity.
StepThree
MadeadecisiontoturnourwillandourlivesovertothecareofGod,asweunderstoodHim.
StepFour
Madeasearchingandfearlessmoralinventoryofourselves.
StepFive
AdmittedtoGod,toourselves,andtoanotherhumanbeingtheexactnatureofourwrongs.
StepSix
WereentirelyreadytohaveGodremoveallthesedefectsofcharacter.
StepSeven
HumblyaskedHimtoremoveourshortcomings.
StepEight
Madealistofallpersonswehadharmed,andbecamewillingtomakeamendstothemall.
StepNine
Madedirectamendstosuchpeoplewhereverpossible,exceptwhentodosowouldinjurethemorothers.
StepTen
Continuedtotakepersonalinventoryandwhenwewerewrongpromptlyadmittedit.
StepEleven
SoughtthroughprayerandmeditationtoimproveourconsciouscontactwithGodasweunderstoodHim,prayingonlyforknowledgeofHiswillforusandthepowertocarrythatout.
StepTwelve
Havinghadaspiritualawakeningasaresultofthesesteps,wetriedtocarrythismessagetoalcoholics,andtopracticetheseprinciplesinallouraffairs.
Addictionisnotconfinedtoareassuchasalcohol,drugs,andgambling.Thetruthis,weallhaveaddictions.Someofouraddictionsarelargeandseriousproblems;othersaresmallandmoreminorissues.Butwhatevertheaddiction,theeffectisthesame.ThegreatSpanishmysticandmonkJohnoftheCrosswrote:“Whetherabirdisheldbyachainorathread,stillitcannotfly.”
Addictionsdrainusofourwillpowerandtendtomakecowardsofus.Somepeopleareaddictedtohavingtheremotecontrolintheirhandwhentheyarewatchingtelevision.Takeitfromthem,andtheirreactionwillhaveaddictionwrittenalloverit.Somepeoplecannotsurvive,theythink,withoutcoffeefirstthinginthemorning.Othersareaddictedtohavingeverythingintheirhouse,office,andcarexactlyintherightplaceandperfectlytidy.Othersareaddictedtocigarettes.Thepointis,weallhaveaddictions.Weallhavehabitsthatenslaveus.Thereareareasinourlivesthathavebecomeoutofcontrol.Areasinourliveswhereexternalrealitiesorillusionsdeterminehowweactorwhatwedo.Weallhaveareasofourliveswherewearenotmastersofourselves.
Inthebeginning,weformourhabits.Afterawhile,theybegintoformus.Ifwedonotconquerourbadhabits,soonerorlatertheyconquerus.Whatareasofyourlifehavebecomeoutofcontrol?Fromtimetotime,weallhavetowrestlewithdifferentthings.Whatareyouwrestlingwith?Youhadbettergetridofit,oritisgoingtogetridofyou.Thatistheverynatureofaddiction.Youarenotwrestlingforacanofbeerorapieceofchocolate;youarewrestlingforyourveryself.
Itwouldbeconvenientifwecouldisolateouraddictionstooneareaofour
lives,buttheywillnotbecontained.Borninourminds,addictionsspreadthroughourmindstoeveryareaofourlives.Theydepriveusofourwell-beingandrobusofourpersonalfreedom.Addictionsareaseriousdrainonourefficiencyandeffectiveness.Theycloudourjudgment,causeustolosesightofouressentialpurpose,andholdusbackfrombecomingthe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Alltruespiritualityseekstofreeusfromanytypeofslaverythatpreventsusfrommovingalongthepathandbecomingamorelovingandlovableperson.Avaluableexercisetomakearegularpartofourprayer,reflection,andself-analysisistoseekoutandidentifyareasofaddictionandslaveryinourlives.Theywillnotgoawaysimplybyignoringthem.Everydaytheywillbecomemorepowerfuluntilweconfrontthem.
Nothingcomparestothefreedomofbeingabletochoosethe-best-version-of-yourselfinthemomentsoftheday.Iwantthatfreedominallthings.Itisaliberationthatnobodycanevertakefromyou.Itisthefreedomtochoosewhatisgood,true,noble,beautiful,andright.IfindmyselfagreeingwithCharlesDickenswhenhewrote,“Ionlyasktobefree.Thebutterfliesarefree.”
FollowYourStar
IhavealwaysbeenfascinatedwiththestoryintheBibleabouttheMagifollowingthestar.ForyearsIhavespenthoursreadingandreflectinguponthisstory,becauseIbelieveitteachesusalotaboutwhatmakescertainpeoplesuccessful.
Itisfirstofallimportanttoacknowledgethatitwasnotthechiefpriests,oreventhehighpriestofthatyear,whorecognizedthesignsthataccompaniedthecomingofJesus.Itwas,rather,thethreesimpleMagi.Thestarroseintheeast,andtheyfixedtheirgazeuponthestarandfolloweditwithunwaveringpersistence.
OneChristmasacoupleofyearsback,IwasdrivingpastachurchontheEastCoastofAmericaandoutsidewasoneofthosemessageboards.Itread,“WisemenstillseekJesustoday.”Thatsimplemessagehadanimpactonmeandrenewedmyinterestinthestory.Myreflectionleadsmetoaskthesequestions:“WhatwasthedifferencebetweentheMagiandeverybodyelseontheplanetatthetimethatJesusmadehisentranceintotheworld?”“Whatwasthedifferencebetweenthethreewisemenandthechiefpriests?”
Whensomeonesharesaremarkableinsightorararepieceofknowledge,youwillsometimeshearpeoplesay,“Oh,isn’tshewise!”Yetthereisanenormousdifferencebetweenknowledgeandwisdom.Thechiefpriestshadknowledge.TheykneweverythingtherewastoknowaboutthecomingMessiah.TheycouldhaverecitedeverypassagefromtheirsacredscripturesthatrelatedtothecomingoftheMessiah,includingtheplaceofhisbirth.TheMagididn’thaveanywherenearasmuchknowledgeasthechiefpriestsdidregardingthecomingoftheChrist,butwhattheydidknowtheylivedby.Thereinlaythekeytowisdom,andthatiswhywecalltheMagi“thewisemen”andthechiefpriests“thechiefpriests.”
Wisdomisnottheamassingofknowledge.Wisdomistruthlived.
TheBibledoesn’ttellushowoldtheMagiwere.Norarewetoldhowlongtheyhadbeenfollowingthestar.Infact,contrarytopopularopinion,thescripturesdonotevenstatethattherewerethreeofthem.Weallhaveastartofollowinourlives.Someofusfollowitfromaveryyoungage,andotherstakeafewyearstorecognizethestarintheskyoftheirlives.Andyet,onethingiscertain:Ittakestimetodeveloptheunderstandingandawarenessnecessarytorecognizeyourstarwhenitrises.TheMagihadprobablybeenwaitingandpreparingformanyyears.
Thefirstlessoninfindingandfollowingyourownstarispatience.Manypeoplelosetheirchanceatgreatnessbychasingafterthefirststarthatrises.Weshouldwaitandpreparepatientlyforourstartorise.Itwillnotriseearly.Itwillnotriselate.Itwillriseinthefullnessoftime—atthemostappropriatemoment.Youneednotworrythatyouwillnotbeready.Itwillnotriseuntilyouare.Youneednotfearthatyouwillmissitorfailtorecognizeit.Itislookingforyouevenmorethanyouarelookingforit.Itwillhelpyoutofulfillthepurposeofyourexistence,andyourwholelifeisleadingyoutowardit.
Asyouwaitforyourstartorise,thereismuchpreparationtobedone.Dreamscometruewhenopportunityandpreparationmeet.Nowisyourtimetoprepare.Donotsay,“Iamtooold.”Donotsay,“Iamtooyoung.”Nowisyourtimetoprepare.Youarewhereyouarerightnowforareason,readingwhatyouarereadingrightnowforareason.
Duringthistimeofpreparation,youmustsearchyourheartandbecomeintimatelyawareofyourlegitimateneeds,yourdeepestdesires,andyourtalents.Whenyourstardoesrise,youwillknowitisyourstarbecauseyouwillhaveaburningdesiretofollowthatstar—notonawhim,butthroughcarefulconsideration.Infollowingthatstar,youwillputyourtalentstousefortheserviceofothersandforyourownfulfillmentandsatisfaction.Thisemploymentofyourtalentswillleadtothefulfillmentofallyourlegitimateneeds—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—andhelpotherstofulfilltheirlegitimateneeds.Followyourstaranditwillleadyoutothe-best-version-of-yourself.
Sincemyteenageyears,Ihavebeenfascinatedwithfamousandextraordinarypeople—greatachieversinallwalksoflife.Ilovetowatchthembeinginterviewed.Ilovetowatchfootageoftheirday-to-daylives.Onethingthathasalwaysstruckme,andIdonotconsideritintheslightestwaytobecoincidental,isthatgreatmenandwomenalwaysbelievedthattheyweredestinedtobegreat.Fromthisdayon,begintofosterabeliefthatyouwerebornforareason,andalthoughyoumaynothaveyetdiscoveredthespecificsofthatreason,youarebeingpreparedtofulfillitineverymoment.
Ingeneralterms,youknowthatyouressentialpurposeistogrow,change,develop,andbecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.Thedetailsaresimplythat,thedetails.Itisthisprocessofgrowththatmakeslifeinteresting,exciting,rewarding,andfulfilling.Dedicationtothisprocessofgrowthisgreatness.Greatnessshouldneverbeconfusedwithfame,fortune,status,orpower.Theseareonlypassingillusions.Greatnessistobecomemorefullyyourselfwitheachpassingday.
Achanceforgreatnessawaitsyou—yourownchanceatgreatness—anditwillinvolvetheuniqueandprovidentialblendofyourneeds,talents,anddesires.Thepursuitofyourchanceatgreatnesswillrevealyoutoyourfamily,friends,colleagues,spouse,children,andeveryonewhocrossesyourpath.Itistheattuningofyourpersonality.Lifeisarevelationofself.Lifeisanunfoldingstory.Yourlifeisyourstory.Lifeisagifttoyouandforyou—andyet,inaparadoxicalbutcomplementaryway,itisalsoyourchancetoserveyourneighbor,totouchandenrichthelivesofothers,andtomakeadifferenceinthissometimeswearyworld.ThisisthemysteryofGod—toleadyoutowardyourperfectionandfulfillment,whileatthesametimeusingyourjourneytoleadotherstowardtheirperfectionandfulfillment.
Wemusteachlearntotrustthatwearehereforareasonandthat,nodoubtwhetherweareawareofitornot,thingsareunfoldingjustastheyshouldbe.Therightcircumstanceswillemerge.Iprefertothinkofthemasopportunities.Therightopportunitieswillemerge.Themostunexpectedcircumstancesoftenhatchopportunitiesthatenableustofollowourstar.Thecircumstancesofourlivesperfectlyandprovidentiallyprepareustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.CharlieChaplinisagreatexample.
CharlieChaplin
CharlieChaplinwasborntoaverypoorfamilyinLondonin1889.WhileCharliewasstillachildhisfatherlefthismother,whichonlyexaggeratedtheirpoverty.Mrs.Chaplincouldn’tfindwork,couldn’tpaytherent,andcouldn’taffordfueltoheattheirsmallapartment,andmostnightsCharlieandhisbrotheratefish-headsoup—nothingbuttheheadsoffishinwarmwaterwithalittlebread.Miserablecircumstances,I’msureyou’dagree.Butfromthatmiserywasbornoneofthegreatesttalentshumanityhaseverknown.
Chaplindevelopedhishumorandcomedytoriseabovethedepressingcircumstancesofhischildhood.Heputtogetheralltypesofactstomakehismotherandbrotherlaugh.Helaterrecalledwantingtomakethemlaughsomuchthattheywouldforgethowdesperatelyhungrytheywere.
By1918,CharlieChaplinwastwenty-nineyearsoldandindisputablythemostfamousmanintheworld.HecontinuedtowriteanddirectuntilhisdeathinVevey,Switzerland,onChristmasDayin1977.Overalifetimehewroteanddirectedeighty-onefilms,foundedhisownstudiosinCalifornia,andmademorepeoplelaughthananyoneelseinhistory.CharlieChaplinisalegend.Hispathwasnotaneasyone,buthefollowedhisstar.Thecircumstancesofhischildhoodpreparedhimtorecognizethestarwhenitrose,andriseitdid.
Followingyourstarisaboutdiscoveringwhoyouareandwhatyouarecapableof.Followingyourstarisaboutlearningtobeyourself.Youmustbepreparedtodaretobedifferentinaworldwhereuniformityissafeandrewarded.Searchyourself.Discoversomethingdeepwithinthatisyoursandnooneelse’s.
Uncoveryouruniqueness.Yourchanceatgreatnessisintrinsicallylinkedtobeingyourself.Becomeachampionofselfhoodandyouwillmeetwithunimaginedsuccess.
Everyoneisgoodatsomething.Weallhavetalentsandabilitiesthatareuniqueanddifferent.Thesegiftsarethekeytogreathappinessinourlivesandonoccasionareleadingindicatorsinthesearchtodiscoverourvocationormissioninlife.Butfirstwemustseekoutthesegiftsandtalents.Sooftenpeople
saytome,“ButIamnotgoodatanything.”ThisIcannotbelieve.Icanbelieve,however,thatapersonhasnotyetfoundthatoneareainwhichheorshehasaspecialgift.
Frustrationandthesenseoffailuretendtofollowuswhereverwegountilwefindourownareainwhichtowork,ourowngifttodevelop,ourownniche,ourgenius.Don’tdespair.Havealittlefaith.Itcantakesometime,buttheactivesearchbringsasenseoffulfillmentintheinterim.Itisonlywhenwegiveupthesearch,believingthatwewillneverfindthatspecialtalentorthatwesimplydonotpossessone,thatfrustrationanddepressiontakeholdofus.
Holdfirm.Thesearchisnoble.Avoidingthesearchiscowardice.Sometimeswethinkwehavefoundthatspecialtalentandwhatwehavefoundisonlyastepping-stone.
Tenyearsago,IwasstudyingatuniversityinAustraliatowardadegreeinbusinesswithamajorinmarketing.IthoughtIhadfoundmygift.Iwaswrong.Itwasjustastepping-stone.Mytruegift,Inowbelieve,ismyspeakingandmywriting.WasthetimeIspentstudyingbusinessawasteoftime?Absolutelynot.IcanclearlyseethehandofGodinthatpartofmylife.Inmanyindirectways,GodwaspreparingmethenforwhatIamdoingnow.InthefutureImaydiscoverthatthisisjustanotherstepping-stonetosomethingelse,somewhereelse.
GeorgeWashingtonwasfirstasurveyor.Formanyyears,NormanVincentPealewasanewspaperman.GarthBrookswasn’talwaysamusician.Peterwasfirstafisherman,Matthewataxcollector.Stingwasfirstaschoolteacher.HarrisonFordwasacarpenter.BeforeSomersetMaughambeganwriting,hegraduatedfrommedicalschool.JohnDenverworkedforaninsurancecompanybeforeembarkingonhisjourneytobecomeaninternationallyacclaimedentertainerandsongwriter.
Asyouseekoutyourdominanttalent,yourgenius,itisimportanttorememberthateveryonewasn’tborntobeinthespotlight.Herearetwoofthiscentury’sgreatestexamples.
BrianWho?
HaveyoueverheardofBrianEpstein?HaveyoueverheardoftheBeatles?
AtlunchtimeonNovember9,1961,BrianEpsteinwalkedintoadark,crowded,smokyclubinhishometownofLiverpool,England.TheclubwascalledtheCavern,andEpsteinhadgonetheretohearalocalgroup,fouryoungmenwhocalledthemselvestheBeatles.
Atthattime,BrianEpsteinmanagedandoperatedasmallrecordstore,whichhisfatherowned.HiscuriositywaspiquedwheninonedaysixpeoplecameinaskingforarecordbytheBeatles.Whenhetriedtoordertherecord,Epsteindiscoveredthatnosuchrecordexisted.ThisiswhatdrewhimtotheCavern.
Twoweekslater,EpsteinofferedtomanagetheBeatles.Heconfessedtothemthathehadnoexperience,butthathetrulybelievedtheyhadwhatittooktobe“thenextbigthing.”TheBeatlesagreedtoletEpsteinmanagethemdespitehislackofexperience.JohnLennonlaterrecalled,“Wehadnothingtolose,wehadalreadybeenturneddownbyeverymajorrecordinglabelinthecountry.Brianwasenthusiasticaboutourmusicandaboutourfuture.Allwewantedtodowasplaymusic.Wehadeverythingtogainandnothingtolose.”
Forthenextsevenmonths,BrianEpsteinwentknockingondoorsinLondon,playingthedemotapeforeveryrecordingcompanyhecouldgettolisten.Theyallsaidthesamethings:“Theseboyswillnevermakeit”or“Itjustwon’twork”or“Theirsoundisjusttoodifferent.”Epstein’sreplytoeachofthemwasthesame:“TheseboysaregoingtobebiggerthanElvis.”Therecordexecutivesjustlaughedathim.Atthetime,thiswasanaltogetherabsurdclaim.Elviswasatthepeakofhispopularity,andaBritishgrouphadn’tmadeitbiginAmericaforyears.
Itwasn’tuntilJune1962thatEpsteinfinallybrokethrough.TheBeatlesrecordedtheirfirstsessionatEMIstudiosinLondon—twosongs,“LoveMeDo”and“P.S.ILoveYou.”
TheBeatles’sfirstBritishrecordwasreleasedonSeptember11,1962,andenteredthechartsforty-eighthourslateratnumberforty-nine.Itpeakedaftertwoweeksatnumberseventeen,andtheBeatleshadtheirfirsttoptwentyhitwith“PleasePleaseMe.”
Thedoorwasopen,andwithintwelvemonthstheyhadarecordsuccession
ofBritishnumberonehits.FromtheretheytookEuropebystorm,andinnotimewordspreadtoAsia,America,andAustraliaasanticipationoftheirworldtourbegantobuild.
TheBeatlescametotheUnitedStatesforthefirsttimeonFebruary7,1964,andalthoughbythattimetheyhadreachedacertainleveloffameinEurope,nothingcouldhavepreparedthemforwhatwasabouttohappen.WhenthosefouryoungmensteppedofftheplaneonthatearlyFebruarymorning,thereweretenthousandscreamingfansatNewYork’sJohnF.KennedyAirporttomeetthem.Whethertheywereawareofitornot,theirliveschangedforeverthatday.
ByMayofthatsameyear,theBeatleshadbecomeaworldwidephenomenon,likenothinganyofuswilleverseeagain.Andyes,theyhadbecomebiggerthanElvis.
Theabsurdhadbecomeareality.Whentheirfifthrecord,“Can’tBuyMeLove,”wasreleasedinAmerica,itwentimmediatelyintothenumberonepositiononthecharts,toppingfiveotherBeatles’srecordsthatwereoccupyingthefirstfiveplacesonthecharts.AreweeveragainlikelytoseeagroupoccupythefirstsixplacesonaBillboardchart?
WhowasBrianEpstein?Hewasthemanofinsight,passion,courage,vision,integrity,fortitude,andmarketinggenius—thefriend,manager,unitingforce,andtirelessworkerwhomadetheBeatlestheworldwidephenomenonthattheywereandthehistoricallegendsthattheywillalwaysremain.
BrianEpsteinbelievedthatthosefouryoungmenhadsomethingincrediblyuniqueandspecial,andbecauseofhisbelieftheworldcametoknowtheBeatles.
Perhapsyourtalentistohelpothersfindandsharetheirtalents.
TheIMGStory
Today,sportsagents,endorsements,andsportsmanagementareallabigthing,butitwasn’talwaysso.Infact,fortyyearsagotheydidn’tevenexist.Whatchangedtobringaboutthiswholecultureofsportingcelebrities,sportsagents,andincredibleendorsements?Letmetellyou,allofthisistheresultofonemanfollowinghispersonalstar.
In1960,MarkMcCormackwasareasonablysuccessfulmarketingexecutiveinCleveland.InNovemberofthatsameyear,hesawayoungmanplaygolfinawayhehadneverseenanyoneplay.Itwasn’tjusthisswing,anditwasn’tjustthewayhestrucktheball,itwaseverything.Andnottheleastofitwasthisyoungman’spersonality.McCormacklookedintothisyounggolfer’seyesandhesawthepotentialforgreatness.
Onthatday,MarkMcCormacksawawayhecouldhelpthisyounggolfer,andatthesametimehesawhisownstarrising.Hehadavision.Nomorethanadream.Hesawsomethingthatwasnotyet,butthatcouldbe.SomepeoplesaidMcCormack’svisionwasimpossible.McCormacksaiditwasinevitable.Heapproachedtheyounggolferandinquiredastowhetherornothehadamanager.Thegolfertoldhimthatnosuchpersonexistedinhislife,andMcCormackofferedtofillthegap.
Fillinggapshasmademorepeoplesuccessfulandwealthythananythingelse.Youcouldcallitfreakluckormerechance,butIprefertothinkofitaspreparationmeetingopportunity.
Theyounggolfer’snamewasArnoldPalmer.HebecameMarkMcCormack’sfirstclient.Thatday,theconceptandorganizationnowknownasInternationalManagementGroup,orIMG,wasfounded.IMG’sfirstthreeclientswereArnoldPalmer,GaryPlayer,andJackNicklaus.Thesethreegolfersbegantowineverythinginsightandintimebecamethefamous“BigThree.”
Today,IMGhasofficesinsixtycountries,morethantwothousandemployees,andaclientlistthatincludesPeteSampras,JoeMontana,WayneGretzky,supermodelsNikiTaylorandTyraBanks,FormulaOnedriverMichaelSchumacher,ItzhakPerlman,MichaelJohnson,AndreAgassi,NickFaldo,andmorethanone-thirdofthetopthirtygolfersintheworld.
Forthirtyconsecutiveyears,IMG’sfirstclient,ArnoldPalmer,wasthehighest-grossingathleteintheworldintermsofincomefromendorsements.Onlyin1991,atagesixty-four,washesurpassedbyMichaelJordan.ArnoldPalmerstillrankedseconduntilthelate1990s,whenTigerWoodsovertookhim.
Itallbeganwithonemanfollowinghisstar.
Ittakesalittletimesometimestofindthatoneabilityandtalentthatmakesyouunique.Don’tgiveupyoursearch.
Wemusteachfollowourownstarinourownwayatourowntime.Ithelpsmetoreadthestoriesofothergreatmenandwomen.Itisthestoriesoftheleaders,heroes,legends,champions,andsaintsthattaughtmetowaitpatientlyformystarandcontinuetoteachmetopursueitwithunrelentingdedication.
Ifyouhaveheardmespeak,youknowofmygreatloveforstories.Thereissomethingverypowerfulaboutstories—eachlistenerhearssomethingdifferentaccordingtohisorherownplaceonthejourney.
Storieshelpusdiscoverwhoweareandwhowecanbe.Storiesareimportant.Topoisonaperson,poisonthestoriesyoutellhim.Todemoralizeaperson,tellherdemoralizingstories.Youwillalwaysbeasconfidentandhealthyasthestoriesyouread,listento,andtellyourself.Webecomethestorieswelistento,read,andtell.Thatisthepowerofastory.
ConradHilton,founderoftheHiltonHotelempire,usedtotellthisstory.
AverypoorGreekmanonceappliedforajobasajanitorinabankinAthens.“Canyouwrite?”demandedthediscriminatingheadofemployment.
“Onlymyname,”saidthefellow.
Hedidn’tgetthejob—soheborrowedthemoneyrequiredtotravelsteeragetotheUnitedStatesandfollowedhisdreamstothe“landofopportunity.”
Manyyearslater,animportantGreekbusinessmanheldapressconferenceinhisbeautifulWallStreetoffices.Attheconclusion,anenterprisingreportersaid,“Onedayyoushouldwriteyourmemoirs.”
Thegentlemansmiled.“Impossible,”hesaid.“Icannotwrite.”
Thereporterwasastounded.“Justthink,”heremarked,“howmuchfurtheryouwouldhavegoneifyoucouldwrite.”
TheGreekshookhisheadandsaid,“IfIcouldwrite,I’dbeajanitor.”
Followyourstar.Waitforittorise,andwhileyouarewaiting,prepareyourself.Becomeintimatelyfamiliarwithyourneeds,talents,anddesires.Remember,circumstances,whethertheyappeartobegoodorbad,areopportunities.Whenyouseeastarriseonthehorizonofyourlife,andyouarefilledwithaburningdesiretofollowit,andyouperceivethatbyfollowingityouwilluseyourtalentsandfulfillyourlegitimateneeds—followit.
Onceyoubegintofollowit,letnothingdistractyoufromit.
Everyleader,hero,legend,champion,andsaintinhistoryhasfollowedhisorherpersonalstar;bydoingso,thesepeoplegraspedtheirchanceatgreatness—andleftthosearoundthemaweinspiredandamazed.
CelebratingYourUniqueSelf
Thereisonlyoneyou.Itmaysoundalittleabsurd,butitistrue.Mostpeoplespendtheirwholelivesrunningawayfromthemselvesorhidingthemselvesfromothers.Ibelievethatlifeshouldbeaprocessofself-revelation.Aswelive,werevealourselvestothepeopleweloveandtothepeoplewhocrossourpathaswemakeourjourney.Wecanputupbarriersandputonmasks,orwecanletpeopleseeusaswereallyare.
Whatconcernsusaboutthelatteristhatothersmightseeourfaults.Inourconcern,weforgetthatweallhavefaults.Thepeoplewhoareabletoloveandadmireushavefaultsandflaws.Thepeoplewhocriticizeandexpressangerandhatredtowardushaveflawsandfailings.Ashumanbeings,oneofourcommonbondsisourbrokenness.Itisagreatwisdomtobeabletoseeyourselfinotherpeople.Itisthisinsightthatempowersustoloveeveryone,everywhere,atalltimes,andinallcircumstances.
Weallwanttobelovedandaccepted.Thedangerthatemergesfromthisdesireisthatwemayfallintothetrapofdoingorsayingthingsjusttopleaseothers.Eachtimewewalkthispath,weabandonaportionofourself.Thereisapartofeachofusthatisweakandcanbebought.Thereisalsoapartofeachofusthatisstrongandcannotbeboughtatanyprice.Ignoretheformerandnurturethelatter.Butmostofall,befriendthatpartofyouthatcannotbeboughtatanyprice,becauseitwilltellyouwhoyouare.
Intruth,nobodyislovedbyeverybody.Eventhegreatestmenandwomeninhistoryhavecritics.Evenpeoplewhohavededicatedthemselvesandtheirlivesselflesslytoassistothershavecriticsanddetractors.Youarenodifferent.Somepeoplearegoingtolikeyou,somepeoplearegoingtoloveyou,somepeoplearenotgoingtolikeyouatall,andsomepeoplemayevendespiseyou.Youmightaswellbeyourself.Thatway,atleastyouwillknowthatthepeoplewholikeyou,likeyouforwhoyoutrulyare.
Thegreatmenandwomenofeveryagethatwehavespokenofandwillspeakoffurtherthroughoutthisbook—thelegendsandsaintswhofillourhistorybooks,theheroesandchampionswhofillourheartsandmindswithinspiration—alllistenedtotheinnervoicesofneed,talent,anddesire.
Theirgreatnesswasnottheresultofluckorfreakchance.Theywerenotsingledoutatthebeginningoftimetobespecialorfavored.Theylaidthefoundationofcharacterandlistenedtotheseinnervoices.Thenwithpassion,belief,commitment,courage,andperseverance,theyfollowedtheirstar.
Theirlivesrevealthesecretsoflove,success,achievement,heroism,leadership,andholiness.Itwouldbeamistaketoimitatewhatoneofthesemenandwomendidwithhisorherlife.Itwouldbeamistakenottoimitatethewaytheylivedtheirlives.Thedifferencemayseemsubtle,butitisgreat.Thespiritbywhichtheylivedshouldbeimitated,butyouhaveyourownpathtowalkandyourownstartofollow.ImagineifBeethovenhadtriedtobeanotherMozartorifPicassohadtriedtobeanotherMichelangelo.Whatbeautyandwonderwillyoudenytheworldifyouabandonyourself?
Thissectionhasbeenanexerciseindiscoveringwhatpossibilitiesexistforyouandmeasindividuals.Everyhappinessinlifecomesfromdiscoveringwhoyouareasauniqueindividualandbeingtruetoyourownself.
ThefollowingisabriefpassagefromthediaryofDagHammarskjöld:
“Ateverymomentyouchooseyourself.Butdoyouchooseyourself?BodyandsoulcontainathousandpossibilitiesoutofwhichyoucanbuildmanyI’s.Butinonlyoneofthemisthereacongruenceoftheelectorandtheelected.Onlyone—whichyouwillneverfinduntilyouhaveexcludedallthosesuperficialandfleetingpossibilitiesofbeinganddoingwithwhichyoutoy,outofcuriosityorwonderorgreed,andwhichhinderyoufromcastinganchorintheexperienceofthemysteryoflife,andtheconsciousnessofthetalententrustedtoyouwhichisyourI.”
Whoareyou?Inmanydifferentways,peopletrytodiscoverwhotheytrulyare
asindividuals.Somegooffintothemountains,sometraveltodistantlands,othersgotomonasteriesandconvents,somewalkupanddownthebeachearlyeachmorning,andstillothersseektodiscoverthemselvesthroughwritingormusic.Ihaveevenheardpeopleuse“findingthemselves”asanexcuseforleavingtheirhusbandorwife.
Youmaytryanypathyouwish.Youmaytrytofindyourselfinathousanddifferentways,butinawonderfullyprofoundandmysteriousway,itisonlythroughself-donation—givingourselvestoothers—thatwediscoverourtrueself.
Thereisnogreatergiftthanthesinceregiftofself.Itistheessenceofrelationshipandlife.ItisnotsomethingthatIcompletelyunderstand,norisitsomethingIcanclearlyanddefinitivelyexplain.ButatthetimesinmylifewhenIhavebeenabletosummonthestrengthofcharacterittakestogiveofmytime,energy,andresourcestomakeadifferenceinotherpeople’slives—Ihaveexperiencedanunquenchablesenseoffulfillmentandhappiness.
Thereismoretolifethangetting,grabbing,having,andreceiving.Lifeisasmuchaboutgivingasitisaboutreceiving.Learntogivetheonegiftthatyouwereborntogive—yourself.Themeaningoflifeismysteriouslyrevealedinthisact.Thereisnofasterwaytohappenuponthepurposeofyourlifethantoembracelife’sdailyopportunitiestoservethosearoundyou.
Lifeisanadventureofself-discovery.Ihopethisbookisthebeginningofajourneythatlastsyourwholelifetime.Youaredifferent.Notbetterorworse,justdifferent.Youareuniqueandspecial.Youareawonderandamarvel.Beallyoucanbe.Beyourself.
Ineverymoment,chooseyourbestself.Ifyoudo,youwillbechoosinghappinessforyouandforallthoseyoutouchinthislife.Youarethebestgiftyoucangivetoyourselfandtotheworld.
Celebratetheonelifeyouhavebybecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.
PartFour
DiscoveringTheRhythmofLife
WhyAreWeAllSoBusy?
Bynow,youareperhapswonderingwhatcausessomeonetositdownandwriteabooklikethisatsuchayoungage.
Thisbookisbaseduponpersonalcrisis.Myown.Itissaidthatacrisisbringsoutthebestinpeople.Theysayifitdoesn’tkillyou,itmakesyouabetterperson.
Itdidn’tkillme.
Imustconfess,Iamanythingbutcomfortablewritingaboutmyself.IthinkIfearbeingperceivedaspridefulorself-important.InmyotherwritingsIhavetriedtoavoiditwhereverpossible,butmanyofmyfriendsandcolleagueshaveoftencommented,“YouneedtogivethereadermoreofMatthewKelly.”Inthiscase,theonlywaytoavoidwritingaboutmyselfwouldbenottowrite—andatthesametime,IfeelImustwriteaboutthesethings.Alittlebetwixt,IsensethatIamwritingasmuchformyselfasIamforyou.
IgrewupinSydney,Australia,withmybrothers:Mark,Simon,Andrew,Brett,Nathan,Bernard,andHamish.Havingsevenbrothersmeantbunkbeds,hand-me-downclothes,andneveradullmoment.ApartfromthefactthatIhadsevenbrothers,untilIwasnineteenIlivedwhatIthinkcouldbedescribedasafairlynormallife.
Fornineteenyears,Ihadbeenfloatingalongjustfine.ThroughouthighschoolIhadgatheredahandfulofclosefriends,thrivedonthesportingfield,datedsomewonderfulgirls,heldanafternoonjobatadrugstoredeliveringpackagestotheelderly,andhadevengrowntoquiteenjoymystudies.Ihadalsofallenfortheclassicmodernlie—lifeisaboutsuccess,andsuccessisthefastcar,thebighouse,theimportantjob,andlotsofmoney.Believingthat,Iwasincollegestudyingtowardadegreeinmarketing,preparingformyascenttothe
upperrealmsofthecorporateworld.Itwasatthistimethatextraordinarythingsbegantotakeplaceforme.
Allofasudden,Ibegantothinkaboutlife—anddeath,greed,fear,love,God,society,suffering,forgiveness,history,andparticularlywhetherornotIwasputhereforanyrealpurpose.Ourliveschangewhenwestopmerelyreplyingtoquestionsandbegintoaskthem.Istartedaskingquestions.
Innotimeatall,lifestartedrespondingtomyquestions.Andasmyreflectionsgrewdeeper,InoticedthatIwasbeginningtoapproacheveryoneandeverythinginmylifedifferently.Iwasdiscoveringasenseofthemiraculousintheeveryday.ItwasasifIhadfoundsomecovetedtreasureorsecret.Ifeltafirewithinme—anintensepassionforlifeand,atthesametime,anunshakablepeace.
Ontheoutside,littlehadchanged.Ontheinside,Iwasdevelopinganexcitingnewawareness.
Laterthatsameyear,anopportunityemergedformetogiveatalktoasmallgroupofpeopleatahomeinCastleHill,asuburbofSydney.Itwasn’tsomethingthatIfeltparticularlycomfortablewith,butIhadarealdesiretosharesomeoftheideasthatmysoul-searchinghadgivenbirthtoduringtheprecedingmonths.
AlthoughIwasunawareofitatthetime,speakingtoahandfulofpeopleonOctober8,1993,wastobecomeaverysignificantevent.Itwasoneofthoseeventsthatcauseourlivestocompletelychangedirection.
ThefollowingweekIfoundmyselfgivingfourtalks,theweekafterthat,six—anditwasthenthatlifeinvitedmedownunimaginablepaths.
Idiscoveredmygift,andmylifechanged.
BetweenOctober1993andAugust1997,Igavealmostsevenhundredtalksandseminarsinforty-onecountriestoaudiencesthattotaledover750,000people.Iwastwenty-fouryearsold,hadpublishedfourbooksinsixlanguages,hadaconstantbarrageofinvitationstospeakallovertheworld,wasappearingregularlyontelevisionandradioprograms,andreceivedmorethanonehundredlettersaweekfromreadersandlisteners.Publishingcompanieswereclamoringovermybooks;Ihadjustreceivedmyfirstseriousoffertodomyownradio
show;andIwasbeingcourtedbytwotelevisionnetworks.Iwasconstantlymeetingthemostextraordinarypeople,andeveryopportunitywasbeinglaidbeforeme.
Ithadallhappenedsoquickly.
Ontheoutside,everythingseemedfine.Ontheinside,Iwasdeeplytroubled.Iwasn’tasignofcontradiction;Iwasawalkingcontradiction.TheauthenticlifeIaspiredto,andwroteandspokeaboutsopassionately,hadbeenlostsomewherealongtheway.
OneTuesdaymorningearlyinAugust1997,Iwokeatabouteleveno’clock.Ihadsleptthroughthealarmandwasliterallyunabletodragmyselfoutofbed.Itwasnotthefirsttime.Infact,formonthsIhadbeensleepingforten,twelve,sometimesfourteenhoursaday.Iwascompletelyexhausted.
Irolledoverandsleptuntilaboutfouro’clockthatafternoon.
WhenIfinallydidgetoutofbed,Icalledthedoctor,andoverthenextseveraldaysIwentthroughthephysical,emotional,andmentalanguishofmedicaltests.IwasthentoldthattherewasnothingwrongwithmeotherthanthefactthatIwassufferingfromchroniclevelsoffatigueandexhaustion.
Ithadbeencomingforsometime.Ihadseenitcomingandignoredit.IsupposeIdidn’twanttoadmitsomethingwaswrong.Iwasindenial.
Mylifewasacompletemess.Nothingwasright.AlthoughIwasstillconstantlyhoppingfromcontinenttocontinent,IwasnowbasedinAmerica.Everythingseemedtobotherme,andconfusionandchaosweretheonlyregularfeelingsIcouldexpress.Ifeltoverwhelmed.Everythingimportanttomewasslippingaway,andthepeopleIlovedweretheverypeopleIwasdisappointingandhurting.Ihadneverfeltmorealone.Iwasmiserable.Ihadlostmyroots.
Mydietwasatrocious,IcouldcountononehandthenumberoftimesIhadexercisedinthepastsixmonths,andmysleepingpatternwasappalling.
PhysicallyIwasexhausted.EmotionallyIwasconfusedandhurting.
IntellectuallyIhadlostmybearings.AndspirituallyIwasasdryastheSaharadesert.
Thewellwasempty.
Mylifestylehadcaughtupwithme.Iwastooyoungtofeelthisold.Ihadfallenvictimtomyownmisplacedpriorities.Iwasforcedtoadmitthatthegeneralday-to-daystructureofmylifewasfatallyflawed.
Ihadlosttherhythmoflife.
Mydoctorsuggestedabreakfromspeaking,writing,andtraveling.Hesatmedowninhisofficeandgavemealongspeech,explainingthathefeltIshouldtakeatleastthreemonthsoff.Impossible,Ithought.
Atthetime,myschedulewasbeingbookedtwelvemonthsinadvance,myfourthbookhadjustbeenreleased,andaverylargefallspeakingtourhadlongbeenplanned.
Iexplainedthistothedoctor,whotoldme,withnohesitationandthegreatestease,thatIwasafool.“Ifyoudon’ttaketimetorecovernow,youcoulddevelopproblemsthatwilllastalifetime,”hesaid.Andhecontinued,“Matthew,youareonlytwenty-four,andyoucangoonspeakingandwritingforfiftyyears,butyouneedtotakecareofyourself.Andrightnow,thatmeanstakingthreemonthsoff.”
Thatwasaturningpointinmylife.Amomentofsalvation.Inthatmoment,assistedbysomemysteriousgrace,Igotoffthemerry-go-roundthatwasmylife.
Twoweekslater,inthefallof1997,ItookthreemonthsawayfrommyspeakingscheduleandwenttoEuropetostudy.Ispentthattimeinwhatwasonceamonastery,inthesmallvillageofGaming,Austria.Myexperiencetherebecameoneofreflection,refreshment,andrenewal.
IntheclassroomIwasstudyingGermanandmedievalhistory.Outsidetheclassroom,Iwaslearningalotaboutmyself.Butmyexhaustionandpaincontinuedtohauntme,andIbegantowonderwhethertheintensepassionforlifethathademergedfouryearsearlierwouldeverreturn.Isupposethat’swhatmakesacrisisacrisis,thefactthatyoudon’tknowwhenitwillend,whattheoutcomewillbe,orevenifitwillend.
Asthedaysandweekspassed,myreflectionsledmetotakeagood,long,hardlookatmylifestyle,theworldinwhichwelive,andmyself.ItwasthenthatImadesomediscoveriessoimportantthattheyhavechangedmyapproachtolifeforever—truthsIhadoverlookedmywholelife.
Thefirstofthesediscoverieswasmylegitimateneed.ItdawnedonmethatIamahumanbeing—notamachinethatwritesbooksandgivestalks—andthatIhavesomebasicbutlegitimateneeds.Thisisnotselfish,asIhadpreviouslybelieved.It’slife.Someofmylegitimateneedsareassimpleasoxygentobreatheandwatertodrink.Othersareascomplexasmyneedtoloveandbeloved.
ExaminingthevariousdifficultiesandheartachesIwasexperiencingledmetoseethatthese“legitimateneeds”fallintofourcategories—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.Ialsocametorealizethatwhentheseneedsaresatisfied,Iamnecessarilyahealthierandhappierperson.
Inthisrealization,Iwasnowface-to-facewithalltheflawsinmylifestyleofthepreviousfouryears.Manyofmylegitimateneedshadbeenalmostcompletelyneglected.Ihadfallenintoacommontrap.Mylifehadgatheredamomentumofitsown.Iwasjustbeingcarriedalong.Mylegitimateneedshadneverbeenconsideredinthecreationofthatlifestyle.Myschedulingwasneverdonewithmylegitimateneedsinmind.Howcoulditbe?Iwasn’tevenconsciouslyawarethatIhadlegitimateneeds.
Delvingintomypast,IdiscoveredthatthetimesIhadexperiencedasenseofpeace,joy,andfulfillment—andstillachievedandexcelled—weretimeswhenIhadacertainconsistencyandrhythmtomylife.TheywerethetimeswhenIhadbeenattentivetomylegitimateneeds—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Atthosetimes,allthemajorelementsofmybeingwereworkingtogetherinharmonyandmovingtowardacommongoal.
AsIlookedbackoverthefour-yearperiod,IcouldseethatgraduallyIhadallowedthehustleandbustleoftheworldtodistractme,toaffectme,todisorientme.IthadallhappenedsosubtlythatIcouldnotevenpinpointthetimewhenthisdemisehadbegun.
WhatsurprisedmethemostwasthecauseofthepersonalcrisisIwasthenexperiencing.Itwasnotbadthingsthathadledmetothislonelyplaceofbrokenness—but,rather,goodthings.Goodopportunitiesweredestroyingme.Ialwaysconsideredaninvitationtospeaktoagroupofpeopleassomethinggood.Objectively,ofcourse,itwas.ButrecallingonedaywhenIhadtraveledfromNewOrleanstoSanFranciscotoClevelandinthesameday,Ilearnedthattoomanygoodopportunitiescanbecomeadangeroussituation…evenwhentheyareopportunitiestodogood.Especiallywhentheyareopportunitiestodogood.
Goodopportunitiesareveryhardtorefuse.Ialsocametorealizethatjustbecausesomethingisgooddoesn’tmeanitisgoodforyouorrightforyou.
ForfouryearsIhadbecomeincreasinglybusierdoing“goodthings.”Somuchsothattheyhadbecomebadforme.Theyhadwornmedowntothepointofexhaustion,andmyscheduleprovidednoopportunityformetorecover.Ihadadoptedalifestylethatdidn’tmakeallowanceformylegitimateneeds.Myexhaustionledtoconfusion,myconfusiontofrustration,myfrustrationtopoordecisions,mypoordecisionstochaos,andthischaostodisappointment.
IdiscoveredthatIwasgoingtohavetolearntosayno—eventogoodopportunities,eventoopportunitiestodogood.
DuringmytimeinAustria,eachafternoonwhenmyclasseswerefinishedIwouldtakeawalk.OftenIwouldgodowntothestoreinthemiddleofthevillagetobuysomechocolate.NothingcomparestoEuropeanchocolate.Justbeyondtheboundariesofthemonasterywasasmallpark.Inthemiddleoftheparkstoodoneverytall,strongtree.
EachdayIwouldlookatthistreeandnoticethatdespiteitsimperfectformsandcrookedbranches,ithadaperfectionofitsown.
Onenighttherewasafiercestorm.FortwohoursIlayawakeinmybed
watchingthelightningflashacrosstheskyandfeelingthethundercrash.ThenextdaywhenIwentwalking,therewasdebriseverywhere.Thetreesaroundthemonasteryhadlostlotsofleaves,hugebrancheshadbeentornfromothers,andsomehadevenbeenuprootedandpulledfromtheground.Butinthemiddleofthepark,eventhoughitstoodalone,thegreattreestillstoodtall,virtuallyunaffectedbythestorm.Ithadlostsomeleaves,butnomajorlimbs,andthestormcertainlyhadn’tuprootedit.
Ilearnedmanylessonsfromthattree.
Atreewithstrongrootsgrowsstrong.Atreewithstrongrootsbearsmuchfruit.Atreewithstrongrootsbearsgoodfruit.Atreewithstrongrootscanweatheranystorm.Ifatreeisuprootedandreplantedoften,itwillnotbeabletosinkitsrootsdeepintotheearthandthereforewillnotgrowstrongorbefruitful.
Allofthisistruenotonlyforatree,butalsoforaperson.
Thetreehelpedmetoseethatmyphysical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritualrootswereneitherstrongnordeep.
Thecrisisdidn’tlastforever,andtherewasnocomplexsolutiontotheproblemsIhadbeenexperiencing.Quitetheopposite,itwasthesimplethingsthatrestoredmetohealth.
Asthedaysandweekspassed,Idedicatedmyselftobecomingmoreandmoreattentivetomylegitimateneeds.AsIdid,mywitheredrootsbegantogrowandIcouldfeelthemstretchingoutandsinkingthemselvesintotherich,moistearthoflife.Ibegantoeatregularly,tosleepregularly,toexerciseandprayregularly,tostudyregularly,andIstartedtomaketimeforrestandrelaxationonaregularbasis.
ThenonedayIheardmyselflaughagain.Reallylaugh,andIdon’tthinkIhadlaughedlikethatinalongtime.Therestlessnessandexhaustionhaddissipated.Thedissatisfactionanddepressionhadlifted,andIwasonceagainfeelingpeaceful,happy,energized,excited,andpassionateaboutlife.
Istartedwakinguptoanoldfamiliarfeelingandtothoughtslike,“It’sgood
tobealive.”WhenIlookedinthemirror,somethingseemeddifferent.Peoplebegantocomment,“Youarelookingreallygreat!”or,“Youseemsohappythesedays!”Thecolorwasbackinmyface,andthesparklehadreturnedtomyeyes.Thesimplestactsbegantobringmethemostintensesatisfaction.Lifewasgood.
Thereinthemountains,acoupleofhoursoutsideofVienna,Irediscoveredtherhythmoflife.
WhenIreturnedfromAustria,InoticedthatthedifficultiesIhadexperiencedoverthepreviousfouryearswerenotuniquetomylifeorsituation.Infact,Idiscoveredthatveryfewpeoplearenotsufferingfromidenticalorsimilarlifestyleproblems.
Theworldisfullofmenandwomenwhoworktoomuch,sleeptoolittle,hardlyeverexercise,eatpoorly,andarealwaysstrugglingorfailingtofindadequatetimetospendwiththeirfamilies.Weareinaperpetualhurry—constantlyrushingfromoneactivitytoanother,withlittleunderstandingofwhereallthisactivityisleadingus.
Modernparentsfindthemselvesinaperpetualrush—hurryingfromworktoschooltodaycaretobaseballtohockeytoballettothedoctortothesupermarkettothemalltochurch…Evencollegestudents—livingalifeofleisure,inthetruestsenseoftheword—arealwayscomplainingabouthowbusytheyareandthestressandpressuretheyareunder.
Theworldhasgoneandgotitselfinanawfulrush,towhosebenefitIdonotknow.Wearetoobusyforourowngood.Weneedtoslowdown.Ourlifestylesaredestroyingus.
Theworstpartis,wearerushingeastinsearchofasunset.
Weknowthistruth,butwedon’tknowwhattodoaboutit.Moreandmoredemandsaremadeuponuseveryday.Wefeelasthoughourliveshaveamomentumoftheirown.Thismomentumcontinuestocarryusforwardatanalarmingpace…buttowhere?…towhatend?
Isallthisactivitythatcluttersourliveshelpingus,orisithurtingus?
Wehavemoremoneyandmorechoices,butlesstime.Lesstimetodothethingsthatnurturewell-beingandlesstimetospendwiththepeoplewhoinvigorateus.
Whatwehavegainedisclear.Butwhathavewelost?Areweawareoftherealcost?Haveweevenbeguntomeasuretherealcost?
Youcannotmeasurethecostofeverythingindollarsandcents.
AsIreflectontheworldinwhichwelive,itisn’tanywonderthatIfellsoblindlyintothetrapsIdid.
Weliveinaworldobsessedwithnoise,speed,andactivity.Weliveinanageplaguedbygreed,lust,andviolenceandparalyzedbyfear.Theclimateofourageisseductive.Theeffectsaresogradualthatwehardlynoticethemfromdaytoday,butovertimetheyaredramatic,evendevastating.
Weliveinatroubledtime,inmanywaysanageofconfusionandcrisis.Notonlyinapersonalsense,butalsofromasocialandculturalperspective.Itismybeliefthatanyadequatesolutionstothechallengesthatfaceusintheworldtodaymustbebothaccessibleandapplicabletoeveryone,everywhere,regardlessofage,color,creed,orculture.Furthermore,thepracticalityofthesesolutionsmustimpactandbedeeplyintertwinedwithpeople’sday-todayliving.
Myexperienceandreflectionleadmetobelievethatoneofourgreatestchallengesinthemodernworldislifestyle.Intoday’shecticworld,weoftenpushourselvestothelimit—sometimesforgettingthatourbodies,hearts,minds,andspiritsallneedtimetorefocusandrecharge.Strivingforabalancedlifestyle—onethatenablesustomaintainanaturalstate—willensureoptimumhealthandwell-being.
Weneedanewwayofliving.Weneedanewwayoflife.Ourlifestylesareself-destructive.Weneedawayoflivingthatbringsoutthebestinus.Weneedawayoflifethathonorsourlegitimateneeds.Weneedalifestylethathelpsustobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Therhythmoflifeisapassporttoachievingthisbalance.
Therhythmoflifeisawayoflife.Itisalifestylethatintegratesallofourlegitimateneeds—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.
Therhythmoflifeistheperfectcombinationofrest,activity,andpace;itennoblesustobecometheuniqueindividualswewerecreatedtobe,enablesustoexcelinallwedo,andempowersuswithacertainclarityofmindandpeaceofheart.
Therhythmoflifeistheantidoteforourbusyage.
Ibelievelifeshouldbelivedpassionatelyandthattheday-todaydrudgerythatstiflesthegreatnessofthehumanspiritshouldbeavoidedatallcosts.Idonotdespisesimpledailytasks,butIbelievetheirplaceisinbuildingusup,notintearingusdown.
Asweventureintothisnewmillennium,thechallengelifepresentstousallistodevelopabalancebetweenactivityandthought.But,particularly,tofillourliveswithactionthatspringsforthfromcontemplationandanunderstandingofouressentialpurpose.
Lookattheworld.Lookatyourself.Lookatyourlifestyle.Ponderthesethings.Ourchaoticworldandcomplexlivesarecryingoutforalittleorderandsimplicity.
Mostpeoplestumblethroughlifebelievingthatonedaytheywillfindthepaceoflifeandvarietyofactivitythatwillcreatetherhythmoflifethatisconducivetooptimumhealth,happiness,efficiency,andcontentment.Theywillnot.Therhythmoflifemustbedesiredandcreated.
Wemakeathousandlifestylechoiceseveryday.Thosedecisionseithercreateordestroythenaturalrhythmoflife.
Lifeisnotahundred-meterdash;it’samarathon.
Thereismoretolifethanincreasingthespeed.Fasterisn’talwaysbetter,biggerisn’talwaysbetter,louderisn’talwaysbetter.Moreisn’talwaysthesolution.Lifeisnotacompetitiontoseewhocancollectthemostexpensivetoys.Thebestthingsinlifearenotthings—andsometimeslessismore.
Findyourrhythm…andyouwillfloodyourlifewithpassion,creativity,andenergy.
WhatCanCreationTeachUsAboutOurselves?
Thereisanaturalrhythmtolife.Everyelementofcreationhasitsownuniquerhythm.Theseasonshavetheircycles—thedarkness,death,andcoldofwintergivewaytothewarmth,joy,andnewlifeofspringtime.Theuniversefindsrhythmthroughtime.Thedarknessgivesbirthtothelightofanewdayasthesunrisesintheeast,andthen,attheendofeachday,thesunsetsurrendersustorest.Thewavescrashonthebeachesandthetidesriseandfall,attunedtoarhythm.Thewholeprocessofgrowth,development,andfruitionofplants—photosynthesis—iscenteredonarhythm.Ourheartsbeattoarhythm,pumpingourverylifebloodaroundourbodies.Andparticularly,rhythmisthekeytothepowerfulroleawoman’sbodyplaysinreproduction.Therhythmbringsforthlife.Creationisorderedbyrhythm.Rhythmisimportant.
Alltheelementsofnaturewerecreatedinharmony.AsIponderthemysteriousrealitiesofnature,theyremindmeofagreateroverallplan.Icanthenappreciatetheharmoniousworkingsoftheuniverseasonewhole,despitetheapparentchaos.Ifindcomfortintherhythmandharmonyofnature.Innature,despiteitscomplexityandvastness,thereisrhythm,andtherhythmcreatesharmony.
Ifwecandiscovertherhythmofourownlives,thatrhythmwillinturncreateaharmonyandbalancethatwillgivebirthtoadeepandabidingpeace.Anditisthatpeace,thefruitofharmony,thatallowsthehighestlevelsofeffectiveandabundantliving.
Perhapsyouhaveheardofthekingofancienttimeswho,soinflatedwithpride,thoughthecouldholdbackthetidesimplybycommandingittodoso.Afterall,thetideswerepartof“hiskingdom”andthereforesubjecttohisrule.Lateonenight,thekinggaveordersforhisthronetobeplacedatthewater’sedgeduringlowtide.Earlythenextmorning,thekingwenttothebeachandsat
onhisthrone.Justbeforesunrise,thepeopleofhiskingdombegantocrowdthebeach.Asthesuncameup,sodidthetide.Thekingcommandedthetidetorecede,buthiscommandwasignored.Notwillingtohavehisreputationdamaged,thekingdrownedcommandingthetidetorecede.
Youcannotholdbackthetide.Naturehasanunmatchedstrengthandpersistence.Wisdomisharnessingthestrengthofourownbetternaturebyworkingwithit.Wedothisbydiscoveringandadoptingtherhythmoflife.Ifonlywecoulddevelopanunderstandingofournatureashumanbeingsandharnessthepowerofthatnaturebyworkingwithitsstrength.Itisthenthatunimaginableachievementswouldberecognizedinourlives.
Whatgreatlessonscannatureteachusaboutourselves?Naturewhispersmessagestouseachandeveryday:“Greatthingsareachievedlittlebylittle.Discovertherhythmoflifeandalignyourlifewiththisrhythm.Themoreyoudo,themoreyouwillenjoypeaceandprosperity.”
Thetruthofthismessageisdisplayedallaroundusinthousandsofwayseveryday.Thewavesrollontotheshore,washingagainsttherocks,anderosionoccurs.Youdonotseeitwiththefirstwaveorwiththesecondorthird,butovertheyearsyourealizethatslowlyandsteadilythewavesarewearingtherockdown.Whowouldthinkofwaterasstrongerthanrock?Persistencehasstrength.
Therhythmoflifeisapowerfulthing.
ThecreationnarrativesfromtheJudeo-Christianscripturesoffersomeprofoundinsightsasweseektounderstandourplaceincreation.Thereisordertoallofcreation.Despitetheconstantchange,thereisorderandconsistency.Everythingwascreatedinharmony.ThisorderandharmonyareinsomewayareflectionofGod’spersonalqualities.CreationisamessagefromGod.Creationisanaturalrevelation.Ineveryinstance,God’sworkrevealssomethingofGod,andineveryrevelationthereisalessonforhumanity.
TwoofthevaluableinsightswegainaswereadtheaccountofcreationinGenesisaretherhythmGodintendedforourlivesandourplaceincreation:
OnthefirstdayGodcreatedlight.Heseparatedthelightfromthedarkness
andcalledthelightdayandthedarknessnight.ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.
OntheseconddayGodmadeavaulttodividethewatersofheavenfromthewatersofearth.
OnthethirddayHecreatedthedrylandandfilleditwithtreesandplants,andalltypesofvegetation.ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.
OnthefourthdayHeplacedlightsintheheavens“todividedayfromnight”andto“indicatefestivals,days,andyears.”ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.
OnthefifthdayHefilledtheseaandtheairwithalltypesofcreatures.ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.
OnthesixthdayGodcreatedtheanimalsoftheearth,theman,andthewoman.ThenHereflectedonHisworkandsawthatitwasgood.
“Thustheheavensandtheearthwerefinished,andalltheirmultitude.AndontheseventhdayGodfinishedtheworkthatHehaddone,andHerestedontheseventhdayfromalltheworkthatHehaddone.SoGodblessedtheseventhdayandhallowedit,becauseonitGodrestedfromalltheworkthatHehaddone.”
Onebyone,eachdayofcreationrevealsanotherlevelofhumanity’sdependenceontheotherelementsofnature.Wearedependentonthesunforlightandenergy.Wearedependentonwater.Wearedependentontreesforfreshair,onplantsandvegetationforfoodandnourishment.
Humanityisdependentontheotherelementsofnature.ItmakessensethatGodcreatedusdependentonthem,sothatwewouldnotabuseanddestroythem.PerhapstheideainthemindofGodwas,ifweweredependentontheotherelementsofnature,wewouldrespectandliveinharmonywiththem.
FromthisnarrativeofcreationIwishtodrawattentiontotwothemes:ourdependencyontheotherelementsofnatureandtheinstitutionofrestasadivinepastime.
TheactionsofGodsooftenarearesponsetotheneedsofhumanity.Onthe
seventhdayGodrested.Goddidnotneedtorest.Hedid,however,foreseeourneedforrest.Andinforeseeingourneedforrest,heestablishedtheSabbath,theseventhday,asaholyday—tobesetasideforrestandrenewal.
BycreatingtheSabbath,bysettingthistimeapart,Godprovidedanothertooltorestoreandmaintainrhythminourlives—therhythmthatrestoresthebalance,harmony,andpeaceintendedforus.
Inpart5wewilldiscussindetailtheseventhdayasaninstrumentforcreatingandmaintainingtherhythmoflife.
Therhythmoflifeleadsustoadeeperunderstandingofourselvesandourplaceandroleinnature,empoweringustoharnessourownnaturalenergies.
Priorities
Oneofthestrangeandfalseideasthatarepropagatedinthemodernworldisthatanimportantandsuccessfulpersonisalwaysbusy.Anotherofthosestrangeideasisthatmaterialsuccessisthemeasureofgreatness.Manypeoplejudgeothers,andarejudgedthemselves,byhowbusytheyareandhowmuchmoneytheyearn.Theresultisthatmanyrusharoundinafrenzy,dressedindesignerlabelclothes,tryingtogivetheappearancethattheyarebusyandearningalotofmoney—afterall,thesearethesignsofsuccess!
Thecostofsuchalifestyleisthelossofthenecessaryconsistencyandrhythminourlives.Thecostofthistypeofsuccessisoftenthelossorfailuretofindone’sveryself—ourtruestanddeepestdesires,talents,dreams,needs,andthenecessarypursuitofthese.Sadly,withourfocusfixedsofirmlyontheseother,lessimportant,almostinconsequentialthings,manyofusarecompletelyunawareofwhatwehavelostoraremissing.
Weneedtodedicateourselvestoourdevelopmentasaperson—body,heart,mind,andsoul.Thereisnothingmoreimportantinlife.Iknowit,youknowit,butweletthethingswedogetintheway.Wegetcarriedawaywithdoing.Webecomehumandoings.Lifeisaboutbeingandbecoming.Wemustremindourselvescontinuallythatthereisnothingmoreimportantthanourdevelopmentashumanbeings.
IusedtothinkIwasbusy,butthenImetoneortwopeoplewhowerereallybusy.ThethingIlearnedfromthesepeoplewhotrulydidhaveanenormousamountofworkandresponsibilityisthattheyhaveorder.Theyhavearhythm.Theyknowtheirprioritiesandresistsacrificingtheirhealth—physically,emotionally,intellectually,orspiritually—merelyforacoupleofhours’extraworkorafewmoredollars.
Rhythmandordercreateharmonyandefficiency.
Wedo,ofcourse,liveinatimethatismarkedbytremendoustechnologicaladvancement.Everytime-savingdeviceisavailabletous,andstillnoonehastime.
Eachmorningmyassistantpresentsmewithalistofthingsthathethinksshouldbeattendedtothatday.Thelistincludesphonecallstobemade,letterstobewritten,meetingstoattend,andmytravelschedule.OntopofthosethingsIneedtosettimeaparttopray,write,exercise,andstayintouchwithfamilyandfriends.EverydayIgothroughthelistandsaytosomething,“Iwon’thavetimetodothattoday.”Initself,thatisfine.Nobodycandoeverything.WhatiscriticaliswhatIdecidetoexcludeandwhyIdecidetoexcludeit.
Whenwasthelasttimeyousaid,“Idon’thavetime!”eithertoanideainyourmindortoaperson?Whatwasitthatyoudidn’thavetimetodo?Formostpeopleitissomethinglikespendingtimewiththefamilyortakingthetimetolookupanoldfriendandmakesurethatlifeisnottreatinghertooharshly.Forothersitisexerciseorthatextratimeittakestoeatproperly.Andatonepointoranother,forallofus,itisprayer.YetifGodappearedtoyourightnowinavisionandtoldyouthatthreeweeksfromtodayyouwouldbemakingthejourneyfromthislifetothenext,wouldyourushbacktoworktomakeyourmillions?Wouldyourushouttothemalltomakesureyouhadtherightclothestodiein?No.Mostofuswouldspendtimewithfamilyandfriendsand,insomeway,trytoprepareourselvesforthatjourneytothenextlife.
Wedonotknowhowlongourlivesonthisearthwilllast.Somethingsaremoreimportantthanothers.Prayer,reflection,meditation,andalifewithrhythmremindusofthistruthandhelpustoremainfocusedonthethingsthatarereallyimportant.
InmylifeIhavefoundmanythings.AsaboyIoncefoundabeautifulsoccerballintheparkjustdowntheroadfromourhomeinSydney.WhenIarrivedhomewiththeball,mymotherinquiredastowhereithadcomefrom.ItoldherIhadfoundit.Sheasked,“Wheredidyoufindit?”andItoldher,“Downatthepark.”Thenshesaidtome,“Diditoccurtoyouthatsomeonemightcomebackforit,orthatthepersonwhohaslostitisverysadrightnow?”Shepausedand
thencontinued,“Howwouldyoufeelifthatwasyoursoccerballandyouhadlostit?”
Isatinabiggreenarmchairinthecornerofthediningroomwiththeballgraspedtomychestwhileafewminutesofthatdeadlysilencepassed—thesilencethatevenasachildyouknowmeansyouhavedonesomethingnotaltogetherright.Mymotherkeptaboutherbusinessinthekitchen,preparingdinner,andthen,knowingshehadgivenmejustenoughtimetothinkaboutthesituation,said,“Ithinkyoushouldtaketheballbacktotheparknowandleaveitwhereyoufoundit.”
AfterthatIfoundotherthings.OnedayIfoundawatch,andatacarnivalonceIfound$50.ButIhaveneverfoundtime.Itjustneverhappens.Sometimespeopleaskus,“Whenareyougoingtodothis?”or,“Whenareyougoingtodothat?”Ihavediscoveredthatwhenmyreplytothesequestionsis,“WhenIfindtime!”Ineverdothosethings.Ineverfindthattime.EvenasachildIlearnedquicklythatfromthemomentwearebornintothislifeandplacedonthisplanet,thereismoretodothancaneverbedone,moretoseethancaneverbeseen,andifsomethingisimportant,wemustmaketime.
Wemustdecidewhatisreallyimportant,reallynecessary,makeitapriority,andmaketime.Otherwisethesirencalloftheworldwillalwayskeepusbusyanddistractedfromwhatreallyisimportant.Whatreallycounts?
ThereisashortprayerthatIliketouseoftenduringtheday,particularlyduringbusytimes:“God,helpmetoseethatsofewthingsarereallyimportantandtoatleasttakecareofthesefirst.”
Ourprioritiesshouldnotbebasedonamaterialgoal.Rather,weshoulduseourtimeandourtalentstodevelopourwholeperson.Ourowndevelopmentshouldbeourtoppriority.Whenwearefullyalive,ineveryway,strivingtowardperfection,weexperiencetheprofoundjoyoflife.
Findingtherhythmoflifeislargelyaboutreassessingourprioritiesandreallocatingourresourcesandenergiesaccordingtothosenewpriorities.Theresultisthewholeperson,apersonfullyalive,strivingtogrow,develop,andperfectthevariousaspectsofourcharacter.
Onceuponatimetherewasaninvestmentbanker.HelivedinNewYorkCity,wasphenomenallysuccessful,andmadeatonofmoney.Buthislifewasbusy,noisy,andverystressful.
So,onceayear,hewouldleavethecityandgodowntoasmallcoastalvillageinMexico.Fortwoweekshewouldrest,relax,andallowhimselftoberejuvenated.
Onedayhewasstandingonthepierjustbeforelunch,lookingouttosea,whenhenoticedasmallfishingboatcomingintodock.Hethoughtthiswasalittlestrange,becausemostofthefishermenusedtostayoutlateintotheafternoonsotheycouldcatchasmanyfishaspossible,beforecominginandpreparingthefishformarket.
Curiosityovercamehim.Sohewalkedovertowherethefishingboatwasabouttodock.Lookingintotheboat,hesawjustonefishermanandseverallargeyellowfintuna.
“Howlongdidittakeyoutocatchthosefish?’hesaidtothefisherman.
“Notverylong,”thefishermanrepliedwithasmile.
“Istheresomethingwrongwithyourboat?”theAmericanasked.
“Oh,no,”thefishermansaid.“InthirteenyearsIhaveneverhadaproblemwiththeboat.”
TheAmericanwasalittleperplexed,soheaskedthefisherman,“Whydon’tyoustayouttherelongerandcatchmorefish?”
Thefishermansmiledagainandsaid,“Ihaveplentyformyfamily’simmediateneeds.Someofthefishwecaneat,andtheotherswecansellortradefortheotherthingsweneed.”
“Butit’snotevenlunchtime.Whatdoyoudowiththerestofyourtime?”
“Inthemorning,”thefishermanexplained,“Iliketosleeplate.WhenIwakeIfishalittle,mostlyjustforthepleasureoffishing.IntheafternoonIplaywithmychildrenandtakesiestawithmywife.IntheeveningsIhavedinnerwithmyfamily.Andthen,whenmychildrenaresleeping,Istrollintothevillage,whereI
sipwineandplayguitarwithmyamigos.”
TheAmericanscoffedandsaid,“I’maHarvardMBAandIcanhelpyou.”
Thefishermanwasalittleskeptical,butnonethelessheobligedandasked,“How?”
“Youshouldfishlongereveryday,”theAmericancounseled,“lateintotheafternoon.Thiswayyouwillcatchmorefish,makemoremoney,andyoucanbuyabiggerboat.Withthebiggerboatyouwillcatchevenmorefish,makeevenmoremoney,andthenyoucanbuyanotherboatandhireanothermantoworkthesecondboat.”
“Butwhatthen?”thefishermaninquired.
“Oh,wearejustgettingstarted,”theAmericanvolleyed.“Withtwoboatsyou’llcatchevenmorefishandmakeevenmoremoney,andbeforeyouknowit,you’llhaveawholefleetofboatsandeverymaninthevillagelookingforworkwillcometoyou.”
“Butwhatthen?”thefishermanasked.
“Beforetoolong,youcancutoutthemiddleman,sellyourfishdirecttothecannery,andmakemoremoney.Asyourfleetofboatscontinuestoexpand,youcanbuildyourowncannery.Andbeforeyouknowit,you’llbeabletoleavethissmallcoastalvillage,movetoMexicoCity,andmanageyourexpandingenterprise.”
“Butwhatthen?”thefishermanpersisted.
“Wellthen,youcanbegintoshipyourfishtodifferentpartsoftheworld.DownintoAsiaandAustraliaandupintoNorthAmerica.Andasdemandgrowsforyourfish,youcanleaveMexicoCity,movetoLosAngeles,openadistributionplantthere,andbegintoshipyourfishtoEuropeandeverycorneroftheglobe.”
“Butwhatthen?”thefishermanaskedagain.
TheAmericancontinued,“Bythenyourbusinesswillbeoneofthegreatventuresoftheindustry.YoucanmovetoNewYorkCityandmanageyour
empirefromtheepicenterofthebusinessworld.”
“Howlongwillallthistake?”thefishermanasked.
“Twenty-five,maybethirtyyears,”thebankerexplained.
“ButwhatwillIdothen?”thefishermanasked.
TheAmerican’seyeslituplikeaChristmastree.“That’sthebestpart,”hesaid.“Whenthetimeisjustright,youcangodowntoWallStreet,listyourbusinessasapubliccompany,offeranIPO,andmakemillionsandmillionsofdollars.”
“Millions?”thefishermanasked.
“Moremoneythanyoueverdreamedyoucouldearnintenlifetimes,”theAmericanexplained.
“Butwhatthen?”thefishermanasked.
TheAmericandidn’tknowwhattosay.Hehadreachedhisclimax.Hewasstumped.Butthenathoughtcrossedhismindandtriggeredanidea,andheturnedoncemoretothefishermanandspoke.
“Wellthen,youcouldmovetoasmallcoastalvillage….Youcouldsleeplate….Youcouldfishjustforthepleasureoffishing….Intheafternoonsyoucouldtakesiestawithyourwife….Intheeveningsyoucouldhavedinnerwithyourfamily…andthenyoucouldstrollintothevillageandsipwineandplayguitarwithyouramigos….”
Timing
Oneofmygreatchildhoodloveswasgolf,andalthoughIdonotgetmanyopportunitiestoplaythesedays,whatIlearnedonthegolfcoursethroughmymidteenageyearshashadalastingimpactonmylife.Thatknowledgeseemsconstantlytohavenewapplications.
Golfisalotlikelife.Ifyouareagolfer,youmayknowwhatImean.Ifyouarenotagolfer,youmayjustwanttopassmeoffasanotherobsessedsportingfanatic.Butletmeexplain.
Youcanneverhaveaperfectroundofgolf.Thereisalwaysthatshotthatyoucouldhavehitalittlefartheroralittlestraighter.Thesecrettosuccessfulgolfistempo,timing,andrhythm.
Whenashotdoesn’tgoexactlyasyouwanteditto,youmustcontrolthedisappointmentandfrustration.Otherwiseitwillaffectyournextshot.Thefrustrationwillleadyoutotenseupandwanttohittheballalittleharder,soyouwillswingalittlefaster—andyourrhythmisgone.
Swingingfasterdoesn’tmaketheballgofarther.
Similarly,whenyouhitagreatshotyoumustcontroltheexhilaration.Otherwiseintheexcitementyoumaywalkalittlefaster,whichwillmakeyourheartbeatalittlefaster,whichwillaffectthetimingofyourswing—andagain,yourrhythmisgone.
Someevenings,asIreflectonthedaythathasjustpassed,IrealizethatIhavespentthewholedayinarush.IlookatwhatIachievedintheday,andoftenIcometotherealizationthatIreallydidn’tneedtorush.Alltherushingdidn’thelp.
AsmallexampleofthisaremyroutinetripstoPittsburghInternationalAirport.Inthespaceoftheyear,Iaveragemorethanonetripaweektotheairport.FrommyhomeinsoutheasternOhiototheairportisthirty-twomiles.IfIdriveatthespeedlimit,whichisfifty-fivemilesperhour,itwilltakemethirty-fiveminutes.IfIdriveatseventymilesperhour,Iriskgettingaticket,subjectmyselftotheanxietycausedbythepossibilityofbeingpulledover,exposemyselfandmypassengerstothedangerofhavinganaccident—andarriveattheairportintwenty-eightminutes.ImaginetheanxietyIhavebeenpreparedtocausemyselfforthesakeofarrivingsevenminutesearlier!
Iftherhythmisgoingtobesacrificedinacertainsituation,makesureitisadecisionthatyoumakeandnotonethatisforceduponyou.
Inthisworldthatisalwaysracing,wemustlearntoslowdown.Wemustlearntocreateapaceforourselves.Weshouldlearntotakecontrolof—andmaintain—therhythmofourownlives.Ihavealwaysenjoyedwalking.Tome,itisatimetothinkaboutwhateverishappeninginmylife.Recently,Ihavebeentryingtowalklikeamanwhodoesn’thaveaworryorcareintheworld.IbeginwalkingasIhaveforyearsnow,normallyquitequickly,withthoughtschasingthroughmymindoneaftertheother.Aseachissuearises,IfocusonitanddecidewhetherornotIhavedoneeverythingwithinmypowerregardingthematter.IfIdiscoverthatIhave,Isurrenderthesituation.IfIdecidethatIhavenotdoneeverythingthatIshould,Iresolvetodosoandthensurrenderthesituation.Ithenmoveontothenextissueanddothesamewithallthemajorissuesinmylifethatday.
AsthetimeIspendwalkingpasses,Ifeeltheburdenofthesevariousissuesliftingfrommyshoulders,andIfindmyselfslowingdowntoanice,steady,peacefulpace.Ibeginwalkingtoarhythm.InthatrhythmIfindapeacefulheart,quietmind,andrestfulspirit.
Learntowalklikeapersonwhodoesn’thaveacareintheworld.
Whenweareintouchwiththerhythmoflife,weareabletothinkaboutourlivesaswelivethem,ratherthanasanafterthoughtorregret.Itisgoodforthesoultolivelifereflectively.
Oftenonagolfcourse,asinlife,youfindyourselfinplacesandsituationsyouwouldrathernotbein.Inbothgolfandlife,youjusthavetoworkyourway
outofthemasbestyoucan.Golfisathinkinggame—it’snotaboutstrengthorstamina.Manypeoplehavethetalenttohitgreatshots—buttodoitconsistentlyandoftenrequiresacertainmentalfortitudeandapsychologicalstrengthandfocus.Tobesuccessfulinthegameofgolf,youmustbeathinker.Nobodycanfocushisorhermindforfivehourscontinually.Theartofgolfistobeabletofocusyourmindontheshotandrelaxyourmindbetweenshots.Thesameistrueoflife.Manypeoplearegiftedextraordinarily;veryfewusetheirgiftstotheupperlimits.
Upper-limitachievementisthefruitofdisciplined,selective,concentratedfocus.
Alifelivedreflectivelyisalifelivedeffectively.
Slowdowntofindtherhythmoflife.Maintaintherhythminyourlifeandenjoytheharmonyitproduces.Onceyoudiscoverthatpeacedeepwithinyou,protectitatallcosts.Forthispeacealoneishappiness,fulfillment,contentment,pleasure,andasuresignthatyouareevolvingintoagloriousbeing.Reflectioncreatesdirectionandinnerpeace.Therhythmoflifeallowsustomaintainthatinnerpeaceevenamidtheturmoiloftheworld.
IbelievethatGodisourFather.IbelieveHehaswonderfulplansforHischildren.Throughouthistory,nosoonerhaveourneedsarisenthanHehasrespondedtothem.Fromthebeginning,allHecreatedHecreatedinharmonyandwithorder.SincethenHisgiftshavebeensuchthattheyhelpandencourageustoreestablishandmaintainthisorderinourlives.God’sgiftsgiverhythmtoourlives.Itisthisrhythm,therhythmoflife,thatbindsheavenandearth,manandnature,thehumanandtheDivinetogetherinharmony,fulfillingthewordssooftenuttered:“Yourwillbedoneonearthasitisinheaven.”
Doyoubelieveinthebigbangtheory?Theideathatallthebeauty,wonder,andcomplexityofnaturethatsurroundsyou,andiswithinyou,isalltheresultofanunintelligibleexplosioncausedbyarandommixtureofchemicals?No?NordoI.Thenwhydoweapplythistheorytoourlives?
Perhaps,ontheotherhand,youbelievethatGodcreatedtheworld,andtheuniverse,andindeedallthings,andthatHecreatedtheminanorderlyfashion
withharmonyandrhythm.Whydon’tweapplythistruthtoourlives?
Letusbegintolivewhatwebelieve.Letusdiscovertherhythmoflife.
PartFive
It’sAllAboutEnergy
OurMostValuableResource
Wedon’tneedmoretime;weneedmoreenergy.
Let’sfaceit!Therearetwenty-fourhoursinaday.Nobodygetsmore,andnobodygetsless.Itdoesn’tmatterhowmuchmoneyyouhave,whoyourfatheris,orhowwellyoucankickafootball.Twenty-fourhoursisallyouget.Itisprobablytheonlywaytheequalitywespeaksomuchaboutactuallyexists.
Thedifferentiatingfactorisenergy.
Energyisourmostvaluableresource,nottime.
Fortoolongwehavebeensubscribingtomyths.Stressisbad.Downtimeisawasteoftime.Moneydrivesperformance.Thesearebutafew.
Stressisn’tbad.Stressallthetimeisbad.Downtimeisn’tawasteoftime.Toomuchdowntimeisawasteoflife.Moneydoesn’tdriveperformance.Passionandpurposedriveperformance.
Energyiscreatedbyasenseofpurposeandalifestylethatintegratesourlegitimateneeds,ourdeepestdesires,andourtalents.
Ourpurposeistobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.Therhythmoflifeisthewayoflifethatbringsourneeds,desires,andtalentsintoharmonywitheachother.Theresult:passionandenergy.
Lifeisthespendingandreplenishingofenergy.
Whatlevelisyourenergyat?
Thefirstlevel:depressed,exhausted,burned-out,anddefeated.
Thesecondlevel:angry,fearful,anxious,defensive,andresentful.
Thethirdlevel:mellowandserene.
Thefourthlevel:confident,joyful,enthusiastic,andinvigorated.
Youcan’tgetmoretime,butyoucanhavemoreenergy.Itistimetounleashtheenergyfactorinyourlife.
How?Withthreesimplebutpowerfulinstruments.
CreatingtheRhythm
Evennow,severalyearsbeyondmystrugglewithchronicfatigue,itisstilladailychallengetomaintaintherhythminmyownlife.SomedaysIrisetothechallenge,andwhenIdoIfeelmorefullyaliveandIamabetterperson.OnotherdaysIfallintothesameoldtraps.ItisthenthatIbecometiredandfrustrated.WhenIdo,Itrytolearnfrommyshortcomingsinordertoavoidsimilarpitfallsinthefuture.
Eachofusmustfindourownrhythm,therhythmthatallowsustothrive.
Findingtherhythminourlivesisdifficult.Tocreatetherhythmoflife,wemustfirstconfirminourheartsandmindsthattherhythmisdesirable.Oncewedesiretherhythm,wewillusethedailyactivitiesofourlivestosatisfythatdesire.Desireisthegreatestmotivator.
Therhythmoflifeensuresourhealthandwell-being—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually—bycreatingalifestylethatfulfillsourlegitimateneedsineachofthesefourareas.
Therhythmoflifemaximizesourefficiencyandeffectivenessineverythingwedo.
Therhythmoflifelaysthenaturalfoundationforustoachieveourgreatestdreamsandachievementsbeyondwhatwehaveevendaredtodream.
Therhythmoflifeleadstothesatisfactionofthedeepestdesiresofourhearts,whichisthefulfillmentofthewillofGod.Thefruitsofthisalonearepeace,joy,happiness,anincreasedabilitytolove,andanincreasedabilitytobeloved.
Therhythmoflifeisdesirable.
Ourlivesareamaterialexpressionofourdesires.Desireistheseedlingfromwhicheverythinginourlivesisborn—goodandbad,enrichinganddestructive.
Ifyoucanteachyourself,conditionyourself,todesirethosethingsthataregoodforyou,thereisnothingyoucannotachieveorbecome.
Desireisoneofthegreatestforcesatworkwithinthehumanbeing.
Howdoweconditionourselvestodesirethethingsthatarebestforus?Wedesirethethingsweponder.Wedesirethethingsweseeeveryday.
Televisionisaperfectexample.Thecombinedaudiovisualstimulusimpactsuspowerfully.Werespondtotheon-screenimageswithdesire.Whathappenswhenyouseesomethingyoulikeontelevision?Youwantit.Inherbook,TheOverspentAmerican,JulietSchordescribesasurveysheconductedin1998.Ms.Schor’sresearchrevealedthatforeveryhouroftelevisionwatchedweekly,theconsumer’sspendingroseby$208ayear.
Wedesirethethingsweponder,thethingsweholdinourmind,andassuchtelevisionisaformofpondering.Televisiondrivesconsumeraspirations,notjustthroughthecommercials,butthroughthestylishclothingwornbyactorsandtheaffluentsettingsofmanyoftheshows.
Greatsportingchampionsponderanddesirevictory.Greatentrepreneursponderanddesirefinancialwealth.GreatsaintsponderanddesireintimacywithGod.
Ifyoubegintoponderthethingsthataregoodforyou,youwillbegintodesirethem.Ifyoubegintodesirethem,youwillsoonbegintoattainthem.
TheThreeInstruments
IwishtosharewithyouthethreeinstrumentsthatallowedmetoescapeandrecoverfromthatdifficultperiodinmylifewhenIwassoexhausted,overwhelmed,depressed,andconfused.
MyexperienceinAustrialedmetoanchormylifeinthesethreesimpleinstruments.Thefirstinstrumentinvolvesregularsleep.Thesecondinstrumentdealswithregularprayerandreflection.Thethirdinstrumentdelvesintotheancienttraditionoftheseventhdayasadayofrest,reflection,andrenewal.
Thesethreeinstrumentsimpacttheveryphilosophicalfoundationofourliveswhileatthesametimetheyarerootedinourday-to-dayactivities.Theyarenotrulesandregulations.Theydonotrobusofourindividuality,butratherhelpustodiscoverwhowetrulyareandencourageustobecomechampionsofselfhood.
Theinstrumentsshinethelightofwisdomintothedeepplacesofourhearts,minds,bodies,andspirits,revealingtousallofourstrengthsandweaknesses.Theyencourageustolookatthedifferentareasofourlivesandtoexaminedifferentaspectsofourselves—toobservethewayswerespondtocertainevents,activities,people,andcircumstances.
Fromthiswegaintheself-knowledgewehavespokensomuchabout.Withthisknowledgeweareinapositiontounderstandouruniquelegitimateneedsineachofthefourareas—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual.
Thethreeinstrumentsthereforelaythefoundationfortheseneedstobemet.Theresultisamancompletelyinharmonywithhisself,awomancompletelyinharmonywithherself.Thisharmonyproducedbytherhythmoflifeincreasesoureffectivenessinourwork;makesusmorepresentinourrelationships;andempowersuswithaspiritualpresenceandfocus—allofwhichgivesbirthtothat
deepandabidingpeace,aninexpressiblejoyandsatisfaction,andasenseoffulfillmentthatburnswithinus,ignitinganexcitementandpassionforlife.
Sleep:TheFoundationofEnergy
Youraimsandaspirationsmayresideintheupperrealmsoftheintellectuallife.Yourdreamsandgoalsmaydwellhigherthanthehighestpeaksofthisworldinthespiritualrealm.Butnomatterhowhigh,noble,andspiritualyouraspirationsmaybe,youmustbuildthemonnaturalfoundations.Inthehumanbeing,thatfoundationconsistsfirstofphysicalwell-being.
Haveyoueverbeenunemployed?Haveyoueverlivedwithsomeonewhowasunemployed?Whathappens?Whatchanges?Mostpeoplesufferfromanacuteblowtotheirself-esteem,whichproducesdepressioninoneformoranother.Aclassicsymptomofthisdepressionisthatwhentheydon’thavetogetoutofbed—theydon’t.Oftenwhenpeoplelosetheirjob,theytendtoslipintothehabitofsleepingin.Afterawhile,theyshaveonlyeverysecondday,theneverythirdday.Whentheydogetoutofbed,theygodowntothelocalstoretogetthenewspaperandlookforavailablepositions.Butbythetimetheycallaboutthejobs,itisearlyafternoon—maybelateafternoon—andthepositionsarealreadyfilled.Beforeyouknowit,theyshaveonlywhentheyhaveajobinterview,whichisalmostnever,becausetheydon’tgetoutofbedearlyenoughtomakethecallsintime.
Theyfallintoarhythmoflife,acertainrhythmthatgrabsholdofthemandtakesthemforaride.Wecallthatride“aviciouscycle.”Wheredoesittakethem?Nowhere.
Thisrhythmoflifedoesnotenergizethemorbringoutthebestinthem;rather,itdrainsthemoftheirenergyandpreventsthemfromachievinganythingworthwhile.Thisrhythmoflifethathaskidnappedthemdoesnotsupportthefulfillmentoftheirlegitimateneedsphysically,emotionally,intellectually,orspiritually.Thisrhythmoflifetheyhaveadoptedisself-destructive.
Thatviciouscycleexistsinonewayoranotherinthelivesofeachandeveryoneofus.Wegetcaughtupincertainpatternsofbehaviorthatareself-destructive,arhythmoflifethatdoesnotattendtoourlegitimateneeds,alifestylethatdoesnotenrichandfulfillus.
Isyourlifestyledestroyingyou?
Howdoweescapetheseviciouscycles?Littlebylittle.Smallvictoriesarethekey.Ifyoudecidetobecomeamarathonrunner,youdon’tgooutandtrytorunamarathonstraightaway.Youstartbyrunningonemileaday,thentwo,three,five,andseven.Overtimeyoubuildyourselfup,andasyoustrengthenanddevelop,youextendthedistances.Manyvictoriesarewonbeforeamarathonrunner’sfirstrace.
Canyoudoonehundredsit-ups?Ifyouarenotinthehabitofdoingsit-upsregularly,youprobablythinkitisimpossibletodoonehundredsit-upsconsecutivelyrightnow.Butifyoustarttodaybydoingtwentyeachdayforaweek,thenthirtyadayforaweek,andsoon,beforetoolongyouwillbeabletodoahundredsit-ups—andtheimpossiblewillhavebeenmadepossible.Thatisthegreatnessofthehumanspirit—makingtheunknownknown,makingtheimpossiblepossible.Smallvictories,oneuponanother,arethemakingofeverygreatchampion.
Thesesmallvictoriesbuildstrengthandconfidence.Thevictoryovertwentysit-upsbuildsstrength,courage,andconfidencetoachievethevictoryofdoingthirtysit-upsthefollowingweek.If,ontheotherhand,youtriedtodoonehundredsit-upseveryday,thefirstdayyoumightstopaftereighteen,theseconddayaftertwenty-one,thethirddayaftertwenty-five,thefourthdayaftertwenty-six.Afteraweek,mostpeoplewouldbecomesodiscouragedfromfailingoverandoveragain,theywouldquit.
Setgoalsthatstretchyoubutdonotbreakyou.
Inthewaythatthesesmallvictoriesbuildstrength,confidence,andcourageinathletes,theycandothesameforusineveryareaofourlives,whetherinourprofessionalwork,ourrelationships,orourspiritualpractices.
Alargepartofsuccessinanythingisvictory.Successismostlyaboutvictoryoverourselves.Thehabitualandrepetitiousachievementofsuchvictoriesproducesthequalityofself-disciplineinaperson’scharacter.Thisself-disciplineisthefoundingidealofallgreatnationsandreligionsinhistory.Itisthefoundingfatheroffreedomandthefoundationofthenation,culture,anddreamwecallAmerica.
Ifyougiveyourbodyachoice,itwillalwaystaketheeasywayout.Yourbodylies.Ittellsyouitcannotwhenitcan.
HowdidMichaelJohnsonbecomethefastestmanintheworld?Byrunningwhenhefeltlikerunning?No.MichaelJohnsontellshisbodywhatitisandisnotallowedtofeelandwhenitisandisnotallowedtofeelthosethings.Hissuccesscomesfromhismasteryofhisbody.Hishigherfaculties—intellect,will,spirit—reignoverhislowerfaculties—bodilyinstincts.Eachtimehisbodysays,“Ican’t,”hepushesitalittlefurther.Thebodyhasanaturalcapacitytoincreaseitsstrengthandabilities.Theheart,mind,andspiritareallequippedwiththesamenaturalcapacity.
DoAndreAgassiandSerenaWilliamshittennisballsonlywhentheyfeellikeit?DidBillGatesachievewhathehasbysleepinginuntiloneo’clockintheafternoon?DoesEmmittSmithshowuptopracticeonlywhenheisinthemoodforit?DidAbrahamLincolndoonlythethingshefeltlikedoing?DoyouthinkMotherTeresaalwaysfeltliketakingcareofthepoorestofthepoor?
Onethingiscertain.Ifyoudoonlywhatyoufeellikedoing,yourlifewillbemiserableandyouwillbeafailure.
Victoryoverselfleadstoeverincreasinglevelsofachievementinanyfield.Ourfirstopportunityforvictoryeachdayiswhenthealarmclockgoesoffanditistimetogetoutofbed.Thisisthefirstvictoryoftheday.Mostpeoplewhentheywakeupwouldprefertolieinbedalittlelonger.Thebodycriesout,“Justtenmoreminutes.”
Whoisthemaster?Yourlowerfaculties—bodilyinstincts—oryourhigherfaculties—intellect,will,spirit?Doyoudowhatyourbodytellsyoutodo,ordoesyourbodydowhatyoutellittodo?
Ifyourdreams,goals,andpurposearenotenoughtoinspireyoutowanttogetoutofbedinthemorning,thenyouneedtore-thinkyourdreams,goals,andpurpose.
Getoutofbed.Graspthedayfromthefirstmoment.Achievethatfirstvictory.Lookatitasavictory.Affirmitasavictory.Victoryencouragesthehumanspirittosoarhigher.Smallvictoriesarethementorsofgreatervictories.Thehumanspiritrespondstovictory.Victoryelevatesthehumanspirit.Wemustlearntofindvictoryineverything,evenindefeat.
TheFirstInstrument
Thefirstinstrumentforcreatingtherhythmoflifeissleep:thefoundationofenergy.Itsoundsdeceptivelysimple.Inpart2,webeganourinvestigationoflegitimatephysicalneedwithabriefdiscussionofourneedforfood.Ifwedonoteat,wewilldie.Wehavealegitimateneedtoeatandtodrink.Ourlegitimateneedsarethoseactivitiesandthingsthatarenecessaryforsurvivalandallowustomaximizeourhealthandwell-being.Theseneedsareanintendedpartofthedivineplan.Sleepisalsooneofourlegitimatephysicalneeds.Ifyoudonotsleep,overtimeyouwillbecomedelusional,andfinally,overanextendedperiodoftime,sleepdeprivationwillleadtoinsanity.Ifyouwereforcedtostayawakelongenough,youwoulddie.
Overthepasttwentyyears,thestudyofsleephasgrownconsiderablyinpopularity.Thesestudieshavesoughttodiscoverwhenweshouldsleep,forhowlongweshouldsleep,whereweshouldsleep,andhowweshouldsleep—inordertomaintainoptimumhealthandwell-being.
Toapplythefirstinstrumenttoourlives,wemustfirstaskthesequestionsofourselves:“WhendoIsleep?”“ForhowlongdoIsleep?”“WheredoIsleep?”“HowdoIsleep?”Butfirst,wemustaskthequestionphilosophers,scientists,andchildrenhavebeenaskingsincethedawnofhumanhistory:“Why?”
“Whydowesleep?”Thecommonanswertothisquestionis,“Wesleepbecausewehavetosleep.”Thisistrue.Wemustsleep.Sleepisessentialforsurvival.However,thisansweronlydisplaysanattitudetowardsleep.Itdoesnotanswerthequestion.
Wesleeptoberenewed.Sleeprefreshesus.Sleepenergizesus.Oursleepbringsrest,renewal,andenergynotonlytoourbodies,butalsotoourhearts,minds,andspirits.Sleephealsusfromthestressesofdailylife.Whenweviewitfromthisverypositiveperspective,andconsciouslyapproachitwiththese
thingsinmind,wemaximizetheeffectsofsleep.
Consciouslivingmaximizestheenrichmentofeveryactivityandexperienceinourlives.Consciouslivingsimplymeansknowingwhatyouaredoingwhileyouaredoingit.
Whenweapproachsleepassomethingwemustdo,orasaburdenandlimitation,wereducetherefreshing,renewing,andenergizingeffectssleephasuponourbodies,hearts,minds,andspirits.
Forafewmomentsnow,pauseandreflectuponyourattitudetowardsleep.Youwillgainverylittlefromthisdiscussionunlessyoutakethisimportantstepandarethereforeabletoaskyourselftheotherquestions:“When,where,andhowdoIsleep?”Manyofuswillnotbeabletoanswertheserightaway.Todoso,wemustseekthisveryimportantself-knowledge.
Themostimportantissueregardingsleepiswhenyousleep.Whydosomanypeoplefeeltheydon’tgetenoughsleep?Peopleofalldifferentsleepinghabitsseemtowantmore.Theissuehereisnotthequantityofoursleep,butratherthequalityofoursleep.
Youmaythinksleepissleep.Yetnumerousstudieshaverevealedthatpeoplewhosleepatthesametimeeverynightareconsiderablyhealthierthanthosewhodonot.Theyareaffectedbycommoncoldslessthanone-thirdasmanytimesaspeoplewhodonotsleepatregularhours.Theincidenceofdepressionisalsosignificantlylowerwithpeoplewhosleepatregularhours.
Toimplementthefirstinstrumentinourlives,tobeabletogetoutofbedrefreshedandenergizedinthemorning,somepreparationmustbedone.Onceagain,thispreparationinvolvesself-knowledge.Ifyouknowyouneedtogetoutofbedatsevena.m.inordertogetreadyforyourdayinacalmandpeacefulmanner,andifyoualsoknowthatifyoudon’tgetsevenhoursofsleep,youbecomegrouchyandmiserable,thenbefairtoyourself.Bekindtoyourself,anduseyourself-knowledge.Itispowerfultolivebywhatyouknowaboutyourself.Makesurethatbymidnightyouareinbed,despitewhatproblemsemerge—schedules,stresses,socialsituations,andpoorhabits.Oftenthesearewhathinderourabilitytogetthesleepweneed.
Forexample,tobeinbedandasleepatmidnighteverynight,youwillcertainlyfindyourselfleavingsomesocialeventsearly.Thequestionis,forthesakeofacoupleofextrahoursataparty,areyoupreparedtothrowyourlifeintochaos?
Yes,thereareexceptions.No,youdonothavetobeinbedeverynightbymidnightfortherestofyourlife.Butinourlivestheexceptionhasbecometherule.Thereisnoconsistencytooursleepingpatterns,andthatiscostingusdearly.
Youmayneedonlysixhoursofsleep,andyoumaydecideyourtimeisfromelevenp.m.untilfivea.m.Oryoumayneedeighthoursofsleepandmaydecidetosleepfromtenp.m.tosixa.m.Eachpersonmustdecidehowmuchsleepoptimizeshisorherenergy.Onlyyoucandecidewhatarethebesthoursforyoutosleep.
Sleepshouldbeusedoffensively,notdefensively.
Manyofushavebeenfalselyledtobelievethatsleepisanexpendableelementandthatitcanbeuseddefensively.Sleepbuildsusup.Sleepisoneoftheindispensablenaturalelementsofourlives.Sleepisoneofourlegitimateneeds.Sleepisintendedtomakeusstronger,morevibrant,moreproductive,moreloving,andmorealertindividuals.Sleepisimportantandshouldbegivenpriority.
Ourmodernworldworksagainstthisinsomanyways.Forinstance,agreatnumberofpeopleupholdlackofsleepasasourceofpride.Somepeoplebelievethatexcessivededicationtowakinghoursoverrulesthenecessityforrestandregularsleep.Theyconvincethemselvesthattobesuccessfulintheirchosenfieldtheymustsacrificesleepandrest—theyevenbelievethistobeheroic.Theseideasareparticularlycommoninbusiness.Perhapstheyneedtoreturntothebusinessschooltextbooks,reconsidertheconceptof“long-termresidualeffect,”andponderitinrelationtotheirownlives.
Wehavenogreaterevidenceoftheimportanceofsleepthaninthehabitsofthosewhoarehighlysuccessful.RecentlyIhadtheopportunitytomeetOlympianAlbertoSalazarafteroneofmytalksinOregon.Hehadapresence,thepresenceofachampion,acertainstrength,andyetaprofoundhumility.
DoyousupposewhenAlbertoSalazarwonthegoldmedalforthemarathon
atthe1992Olympicgames,hecreditedhissuccesstosleepinglessthanalloftheotherathletesinhisfield?No,Salazartrainedharder,restedmoreeffectively,wasmoreattunedtohisdietaryneeds,wasmoreintouchwithhisdesiretowin—andhasbeenleavingpartiesearlyforyearsbecauseheknowshehastogetupearlythenextmorningtotrain.Ifhedoesn’ttrainwell,hewon’tcompetewell.
Thetruthis,peoplearewalkingaroundhalf-asleepallthetime.Everyday,peopleareexhausted.Theyarefatigued.Fatiguehasbecomeapatterninourlives.Thisisasadtestamenttohowlittleweobserve,know,andrespectourselves.
Whenwasthelasttimeyouwokeupandfeltrenewed,refreshed,andexcitedtogetintoyourday?ThatiswhatIwantyoutoexperience—notoccasionally,buteveryday.
Ontheotherhand,doyourememberthelasttimeyouhadtogetupearlyafteralatenight?Howdidyoufeel?Didyousaytoyourself,“IwishIdidn’thavetogetoutofbedthismorning”?Orperhaps,“Iamnevergoingtostayoutlateagainonaworknight”?Howwasyourday?Wereyouapictureofenergy?Didyouenjoytheday?Wereyouefficient?Effective?Happy?
Therealquestionis,willyouletithappenagain?Eachofusshouldknowhowmuchsleepwerequireinordertofunctionatmaximumefficiency—beitsix,seven,oreighthours.Whenwillwebegintousethisvaluableinformationtoourownadvantage?
Inthiseraoflust,welustevenafterknowledge.Foolishlywebelievethatwisdomistheamassingofknowledge.Wewanttoknowmore,butwedonotwanttolivewhatwealreadyknow.
Thefirststepistosleepatthesametimeeverynight.Inordertoattuneourselvestotherhythmoflife,wemustadoptaregularpatternofsleep—goingtobedatthesametimeandgettingupatthesametime.Itreallyisquitesimple,yetonoccasionswhenIhavesharedthisideawithpeople,theyhavelookedatmeasifIwereaskingtheimpossible.Itisperhapsatestamenttohowcomplexandclutteredourliveshavebecome.Itisperhapsatestamenttohowoutofcontrolourlivesare.Begintotakecontrolofyourlife—adoptaregularsleeping
schedule.
ThisisthemostbasicwayIknowtocreatetherhythmoflife,anditistheessenceofthefirstinstrument.Itbringsaconsistencytothegeneralstructureandorganizationofourlives.Intheareaofphysicalwell-being,itisthefirststeptowardmaximizingourenergyandthereforethefirststeptowardincreasingoureffectivenessineverythingwedo.
Ihaveseenitworkinmyownlife,andIhaveseenitworkinthelivesofothers.Ifyougotobedandgetupatthesametimeeveryday,weekdaysandweekends,inlessthantendaysyouwillfeellikeadifferentperson.Newenergy,newenthusiasm,newpassionforlife.
Itwillbeachallenge.Itwillbedifficultattimes.Itwillcost.Itissimplyamatterofpriorities.Thisregularsleepingschedulewillempoweryoutogiveyourbesttoeverythingyoudoeveryday.Youwillnolongerfindyourselfsaying,“Ijustwanttogetthroughtodayandgethometobed!”Thatisnowaytolive.Everydayshouldbesavored.Beingrestedisnotjustaboutbeingawake—it’saboutbeingabletodevoteyourselfcompletelytowhateverisbeforeyouineverysinglemomentoftheday.Itisaboutlivinglifetothefullest.
Itisalsoimportantthatyougiveconsiderationtohowlongyousleep.Thesecretwithsleepisthesamewisdomthatappliestojustabouteverythingthataffectsthebody—guardagainstextremes.Toolittlesleepisnotgoodforus,andtoomuchsleepisnotgoodforus.Ifwesleeptoolittle,wewakeupfatigued;andifwesleeptoomuch,wewakeupfatigued.Testdifferentsleepingtimesforseveraldays.Growtoknowyourselfandwhatamountofsleepallowsyoutofunctionmosteffectively.
Considerationshouldalsobegiventowhereyousleepandtheenvironmentyousleepin.Onceagain,trydifferentthingsandgettoknowyourself.Ifitistoohotortoocold,howdoesthataffecttheeffectivenessofyoursleep?
Howyousleepcanalsomakearadicaldifference—whetherit’sonyourstomach,onyourside,oronyourback.Observeyourself.Knowyourself.Usetheknowledgeyougainaboutyourselftoliveahappier,healthier,fullerlife.
WhenIwaseighteenandfirstincollegeunderthespellofthe“modernlie,”Iusedtobelievethateatingandsleepingwereawasteoftime.TwentyminuteswastheabsolutemaximumIwoulddedicatetosittingattableforameal,and
mostlyIateontherun.Whenitcametosleep—two,three,fourhoursanight,andsomenightsIwouldnotgotobedatall.Overthepasttenyears,Ihavelearnedalotaboutmyself,andIknownowthatwithoutsevenhoursofsleepeachnight,Iamnogoodtoanyone.
Itistimewebegantoseesleepnotasalimitationorburden,butasagift.Embracethisgift.Treasurethegift.Cherishthegift.Enjoythegift.Usethegiftofsleeptoitsmaximumadvantage.Usesleeptobegintocreatetherhythmoflife.
TheSacredHour
Imageorlight,thatisthequestion.Wetendtospendourlivesdedicatedtotheimage,tothematerial.Theimagerepresentsthebody.Thelightrepresentsthespirit.
Doyouidentifymorewithyourbodyorwithyourspirit?ThehighestlevelsoflivingareexperiencedwhenwehaveanabsolutedisregardforthebodybeyondourbasicneedsandacompleteadherencetothepromptingsoftheDivineSpiritwithinus.Itisthenthatweformouridentityfromthespiritwithin,whenweletthesweetlightwithinusshine.
Mostofus,however,arededicatedtothebody,totheimage.Weseeandvalueourselvesnotintermsofthespirit,butinrelationtothebody.Wefindouridentitythroughthebody.Weform,andliveby,animagemadeupofphysicalandsensoryperception.
Doyoufindyouridentitythroughyourbodyorthroughyourspirit?Areyoudedicatedtotheimageortothelight?Theimageisanillusion.Thelightistruth.
Apersonwhoiscompletelydedicatedtothelightiscapableofanything.
Prayershiftsourdedicationfromtheimagetothelight.
Weliveinanagethatisobsessedandpreoccupiedwiththematerial.Weliveinatimedominatedbygreedandlust.Weliveintheeraofperpetualnoiseandmotion,anageobsessedwithspeed.Thesearethecharacteristicsofourtimes.Thesearethetrends,mind-sets,andstructuresthatdistractandpreventusfromdiscoveringtherhythmoflife.Yetthisistheworldwemustlivein.
Iwanttoliveinpeace.Thisismysinglegreatestdesire.Perhapsitsoundssimplistic,butwhenIhavethispeaceIamhappyandinlovewithlife.Withoutthispeace,lifeisadrudgery.Ihaveexperiencedthispeace.Itisreal.Itisthemostintensepleasurelifehastooffer.Itheightensthesensitivityofallthesensesandincreasestheintensityofalloflife’sotherpleasures.Itisbothcalmandexhilarating.Itcouldbelikenedtotakingajourneytothedeepestplacesandthehighestplacesallatonce.Itisacontradictionandyetperfectlyinbalance.Itisthefruitofanintimateharmonyamongthephysical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritualelementsofthehumanperson.
Peaceisnottheabsenceofpainorpressure.Norisittheabsenceofactivity.Peaceisnotlyingonabeachwithoutaworryintheworld.Peaceisnotbornbydoingnothing.
ThispeaceIspeakofisacertaintyinmyheartandmindthatIamusingmylifeforaworthypurpose—thateachdayIamabletolovemorethanthedaybefore,thatIambecomingabetterpersoneachday,thatinmyownwayIamtouchingandimprovingthelivesofothers.ItismaintainedwiththeconvictionthatthewayIamspendingtheenergiesofmylifemakessense.
Afewmonthsago,IspentacoupleofdayswithaverywealthygentlemaninEurope,afriendofafriend.ThismanhasmoremoneythanyouandIcouldphysicallycountinalifetime.Allhislifehehasworkedveryhard,andhisachievementsinbusinessareadmirable.Onemorningatbreakfast,itwasjustthetwoofusandhebegantospeak.“Thereissomethingdifferentaboutyou,Matthew.Idon’tknowwhatitis,butitisspecialandrare.Youmakemeponderlife.”Isaidnothing,andhesaidnothingforseveralminutes.Thenhecontinued,“Iwilltellyouthisbecauseyouareyoungandperhapsitwillbeofsomeusetoyou.Iamaverywealthyman.Ihavemorehousesthantenfamiliescouldlivein,moreboatsandcarsthanIcouldeveruse,moremoneythanIcouldeverspend.EverywhereIgoIamtreatedlikeroyalty…but,Ihavenopeace.Peace…andthefunnythingis,IwouldgiveeverythingIhave,thethingsIhavespentmywholelifebuilding,forjustalittlepeace.AsalittleboyIhadit,butnowasanoldman,Ihavenopeace.”Themostoverwhelmingsorrowandpityforthismanwelledupinsideme,andIwonderedhowmanyothersfeltthisway.Icouldn’thelpbutthinktomyself,It’snota“funnything,”it’satragedy.
Astimegoesby,whatIdiscovermostaboutpeopleisthatwewanttoliveinpeace.
Thisiswhyinatimewhensomanypeopleareturningtheirbacksonprayer,Iamtryingtoembraceprayerwithmywholebeing.Prayergivesmethatpeace.Prayerteachesmetousemylifeforaworthypurpose.Prayerrevealsthatpurpose.PrayerwarnsmewhenIwanderfromthenarrowpath.Prayerincreasesmyabilitytoloveandmyabilitytobeloved.Prayerfillsmewithhope,andthathopeisnottheconvictionthateverythingwillturnoutwell,butratherthecertaintythatthewayIamspendingmylifemakessenseregardlessofhowitturnsout.Prayerallowsmetolivemylifeinpeace.
Ifyoulookintotheeyesofthepeopleyoumeettoday,youwillseecloudsandstorms,fearanddoubt,confusionandworry,anxietyandrestlessness.Butveryrarely,inthisdayandagethathasturneditsbackonprayer,doyoulookintoaperson’seyesandseethecalm,still,peacefulwatersofacrystal-clearlake.
Prayerisessential.Prayercutsthroughandclarifies.Prayerremindsusofwhatisreallyimportant.Prayerawakensourawarenesstoourlegitimateneeds.Prayeristhegreatfriendwhointroducesustoourselves.PrayeristhegreatmediatorthatintroducesustoGod.Prayeristhefaithfulfriendwhopointsoutwhoweareandwhowearecapableofbeing.Prayerrevealsthedeepestdesiresofourheartsandpointsoutthepaththatwasordainedforusfromthebeginningoftime.Prayerwhispersthosegoldenwords“Thatisyourstar,gonowandfollowit.”Prayergiftsuswithpurposeanddirection,andpeaceinthatdirection.Prayerisajourneyandadestination.Prayerisachancetobecomeintimatelyfamiliarwiththebetterpersonweknowwecanbe—andthatfamiliarityisthebeginningofwisdom.Prayerhelps.Prayerisimportant.Prayerisneeded.Weneedprayer.Prayerdoesn’tneedus,andGoddoesn’tneedprayer.Prayerdoesn’thelpGod,ithelpsus.Itisn’tsomethingwemustdo,itissomethingweshoulddo.IpraybecauseIcannothelpit.Ipraybecauseineverymomenttheneedflowsoutofme.IpraybecauseIamabetterpersonwhenIdo.
Pray.
TheSecondInstrument
ThesecondinstrumentIusedtorediscovertherhythmoflifeIcall“thesacredhour.”Essentiallyitconsistsofanhourofprayerandreflection,butnotnecessarilyinthewayyoumaycurrentlyconceiveanhourofprayertobe.Ifyouarenotinthehabitofpraying,theideaofprayingforanhourmayseemfrighteningorevenimpossible.Beopen.Openyourheartandyourmindtoanewunderstandingofprayer.
ThepurposeofprayeristohelpyoumakethejourneyfrompointAtopointBandtobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself,whichindeedisthepurposeoflife.Thecommonmistakeistothinkofprayeraseasy.Iassureyou,prayeristhemostdifficultthingintheworldtodo.Inprayerwefindourselvesstandingontheedgeofadeep,darkabyss—theworldoftheDivine,Infinite,andEternal.Inprayerwecomeface-to-facewithourselvesandface-to-facewithGod,andatdifferenttimesbothoftheseencounterscanbeveryfrightening.Prayerisdifficult.Butthosewholearntomasterprayercometomasterthemselves,andthosewhocometomasterthemselvesbecometheinstrumentsoftremendousgoodandareabletomastereveryotherhumanactivity.
Inmylife,IbelievethateverythinggoodcomesfromknowingandlivinginthewillofGod.IbelievethatIwascreatedforapurpose.Ibelievethatthereisaplanforeachofus—adivineblueprint—amission.Thatplanperfectlyintertwinesourtalents,ourlegitimateneeds,andourdeepestdesires—tobringaboutthisperfectharmonyamongbody,heart,mind,andspirit.Infollowingthatplan,Ibelievewefindpeaceandprosperity,freedomandfulfillment.
Wemay,ofcourse,rejectthisplan,thisblueprint,thismission.Andthereliesthemysteryoffreedomandlove.
ThewillofGodistheperfectionofthecreature.ThewillofGodisthatyoumakethejourneyfrompointAtopointB.Eachstepalongthatpathformsan
allegianceandbondwiththewillofGod.Itisinthisjourneythatwediscoverthegloryoflife.ItisinprayerthatwediscoverthegloryofGod.AnditisbylivingwhatwediscoverinprayerthatwebecomethegloryofGod.ThewillofGodisthatyoubecomethebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe,the-best-version-of-yourself.Youruniquepersonality,talents,needs,anddesiresarewhatmakeyourjourneydifferentfrommine.Alloftheseareunveiledintheclassroomofsilence.
Prayeristhegreatclassroomofsilence.Duringmytravelsoverthepasttenyears,Ihavecontinuallyheardpeoplewhisper,“Howdidhebecomesowiseatsuchayoungage?”Wisdomisnotamassofaccumulatedknowledge.Wisdomisthoselittlepiecesofknowledgethathavethepowertochangeourlives.Wisdomistruthlived.Wisdomisthefruitofareflectiveheart.Wisdomisthefruitofsilence.
WhenIwasnineteen,Godtouchedmylifeinaverypowerfulway.Itwasatthattime,leadinguptowhenIfirstbeganspeaking,thatIbegantoprayseriously—andthatIfeltGodinvitingmeintotheclassroomofsilence.ForalmostsixmonthseverydayIwouldsitaloneinsilence,ponderingandreflectinguponmylife,theworld,God,andthescripturesforthree,four,five,sometimessixhoursatatime.
Youcanlearnmoreinanhourofsilencethanyoucaninayearfrombooks.
Noiseisthemouthpieceoftheworld.SilenceisthemouthpieceofGod.ItisintheclassroomofsilencethatGodbestowsHisinfinitewisdomonmenandwomen.
Weliveinanoisyworld.Peoplewakeuptoclockradios,listentothenewswhiletheyshower,watchtelevisionwhiletheyeatbreakfast,getintothecarandlistentothemorningshowsonthewaytowork,listentomusicalldayovertheintercom,talkincessantlyonthephonebetweenanynumberofmeetings…Weneedabreakfromthenoise.
Everythinggreatinhistoryhasarisenfromsilence…evengreatnoise.BeethovenandMozartclosedthemselvesofffromtheworldandinhabitedsilentroomsfordaysatatimeinordertohearthingsthatnooneelsecouldhear—
soundssogloriousthattheythemselveswouldneverhearinthemidstoftheworld,andyetsoundsthattheworldwouldneverknowifBeethovenandMozarthadnotbefriendedsilence.
USATodayconductedasurveylastyearinwhichpeoplewereaskedtonamethetenthingstheyfearedthemost.Themostfearedwasdeath,andthenflying.Afterflying…silence—followedcloselybypublicspeaking,dogs,snakes,andspiders.Whydowefearsilence?Whydoweavoidsilence?
Silenceintroducesustoourselves—forbetterandforworse.Silenceconvicts,suggests,andchallenges—yes.Butsilencealsoconsoles,heals,comforts,clearsthemind,andgivescouragetothewearyheart.Peaceisthefruitofsilence.
Whydowefearandavoidsilence?Thetruthis,mostpeoplebelievethateverythingwithinthemisworthlessandembarrassing.Thatiswhyweliveinaworldterrifiedofsilenceandfullofpeoplededicatedtoimitatingotherpeopleinsteadofdevelopingtheuniqueindividualthattheyarethemselves.
Befriendsilence.Iamnotsuggestingthatyouspendfour,five,sixhoursadayinsilence.Dropbyachurchduringthedaywhenitisemptyandquiet.Findaquietcornerandacomfortablechairathome.Leavetheradiooffinthecaronthewaytowork.Haveatelevision-freeeveningonceaweek.Tryit.Itworks.
IclosemyeyessothatImayseethingsthatIcouldneverseewithmyeyesopen,thingsthatwouldnevercometobeifIdidnotclosemyeyes.Ientertheclassroomofsilencetolisten,andthereIhearthingsIwouldneverhearinthisnoisyworld,themurmuringsofmyheartandsoulthatleadmetomyfuture.
Whatareyoupreparedtodotosignificantlyincreasethelevelofpeace,happiness,andfulfillmentinyourlife?Howfarareyoupreparedtogo?Howmuchareyoupreparedtogive?Areyoupreparedtogiveonehouraday?
Iwouldliketoencourageyoutosetasideonehouraday.Thistimebecomesanotherlandmarkinourdayandhelpsustorestoreandmaintaintherhythmoflife.It’sdifficulttosetasideonehouraday,Iknow,butI’mgoingtotrytoconvinceyouthatitisworthmakingtheeffortandinitialsacrifice.
ForthisonehourIwantyoutopray.Idonotwantyoutogointoyourchurchandmindlesslyrepeatprayersthatyouweretaughtasachilduntilyoueitherfallasleeporareboredoutofyourbrain.Iwouldlikeyoutodiscoverthejoyofprayer.Iwantthistimetobeajoyforyou.
Ifprayerweresomethingyoulovedandlongedfor,youwouldhavenodifficultyspendingonehouradayinprayer.Thesecrettoprayerisdiscoveringdynamicwaystomakeitsomethingyouloveandlongfor,somethingyouknowandarecomfortablewith.
Prayerislikeagreatlove.Whenyoustartdatingthesilencecanbeawkward,butasyougrowtoknoweachotheryoucansitinsilenceforhoursandjustbeingwitheachotherisagreatcomfort.Whenyouaredatingyoudon’tgotothesamerestauranteverytimeandeatthesamefoodandhavethesameconversation.Varietybringsvitalitytorelationship.Loveiscreative.Justaswemustbecreativeinthewayswespendtimewiththosewelove,wemustbecreativeinthewayswespendtimewithourselvesandwithGod.
Overtimeallrelationshipsdevelopcertainritualsandstaples,buttheseremainvibrantonlywhentheyaresurroundedbydynamicvariety.Thesameistrueinourprayerlife.Ourspiritualdietmayconsistofcertainritualsandstaples,butthereisaconstantneedfordynamicvariety.
Whatismissinginyourlife?
Whateveritis,thefirststeptofindingitorregainingitistimeforyou.Mostpeopledon’thavefifteenminutes’timeforthemselveseachday.
Oneofthefirstthingsweestablishedinpart1wasthatweknowthethingsthatmakeushappy.Wejustdon’tdothem.Why?Weforget.Wegetdistracted.Weneedthistimeforourselvestoremember.Rememberwhat?Timetorememberwhatmattersmost.
Givethishourtoyourselfeachdayasagift.Makeitahabitinyourlife,aritualinyourday.Giveitpriorityoverallthelittlethingsthatdistractyouanddrainyou.Disciplineyourselftodoit.Everydisciplinedefforthasitsownmultiplerewards.
Therearehundredsofwaystopray,andintimeyouwilldiscoverwhichwaysworkbestforyou.Somearemoreactive,andsomearemorepassive.Someformsofprayerdrawuponnothingbutthemurmuringsofourhearts,andothersdrawuponthescripturesandotherinspirationalwritings.Somedayswepraybestinaquietchurch,andotherdayswepraybestwalkingasunnybeach.
Myintentionhereismerelytosharesomeideaswithyou,toconstructacollagefromsomeofmypersonalexperiencesofprayerinthehopethattheymaybehelpfulandinsightfultoyou.
Sometimesmyheartistormentedbyrestlessnessandanxiety.Sometimesmymindisdistractedbyahundredlittleproblems.Sometimesmyspiritisburdened,andIfeeltheweightoftheworlduponmyshoulders.
ItisoftenatthesetimesthatIfindmyselfwanderingintoachurchandsittingquietlyinthepresenceofGod.
Prayerallowsmetoputintowordsexactlywhatistroublingme.Isitinaquietplace,closemyeyes,andinagentlementaldialogueItellGodwhatisonmyheartandmind.Iexplainwhatisbotheringme.Iexplainthesituation.ItellhimhowIfeelandwhyIfeelthatway.WhenIamfinishedIsitthereinsilenceandlisten.Usually,bythetimeIamfinishedexplaining,IknowwhatitisIneedtodo.
Mostofusknowwhatweshouldandneedtodo.Butthatknowledgegetsburiedbeneaththemessagesoftheworldandtheopinionsoffamilyandfriends.Sometimeswejustneedsomeonetotalktoorsomeonetolistentous.Howoftendowebegintotalktosomeoneaboutaproblemandbeforewearefinishedexplainingthesituationtothatperson,weseethingsmuchmoreclearlyinourownmind,andweknowwhatweshoulddo?Godisthegreatlistener.
SomedaysIamsodistractedbythehappeningsofthedaythatIamsimplyunabletoconcentrateenoughtoengageinthisdialogue.OnthosedaysIliketousesomereadingmaterialtobringmeintofocus,tohelpmeconcentrate.
IamfascinatedwiththelifeofJesus—aleaderwhoforhimselfwantednothing,whichinitselfisagreatsignofsincerityandhonesty.Iamfascinated
withtheGospels,whichtellusofhislifeandteachings.Theyaresosimpleandyetdeeplyprofoundandpotent.VeryoftenIusethelifeofJesusintheGospelsduringthissacredhour.Slowly,deliberately,reflectively,Ireadoverashortpassage.Once,twice,threetimes—tryingtodelveintoandextractsomeofthemysteryandwisdom.
Readingcanbeaverypowerfultooltobringusintofocusduringprayer.Readslowly,savorthewords,ponderwhattheymeantoyouinyourparticularcircumstances.Therearehundredsofbooksthatwouldserveasgoodcompanionsforthesacredhour.
OnotherdayswhenIfindmyselfenteringthesacredhourrestlessandanxious,Iusethemeditationoftheredrose,whichIhavespokenofsoofteninmytalksandseminars.
Ibeginbysittinginaquietplace,sittingcomfortably,sittingstill,andclosingmyeyes.Then,inmymind’seye,Ienvisionbeforemeasingleredrose.IntheMiddleAges,thesingleredrosewasasymbolofChrist.IfyoutravelthroughEurope,youwilloftenfindthisimageinthestained-glasswindowsofthegreatcathedrals.Youwillalsofinditwasusedtodecoratemanyofthemanuscriptsofthatperiod.ForyouitcouldbeanyimagethatleadsyoutofocusyourattentiononGodandtheperfectionyouseek.
Withmyattentionnowfocusedontherose,Islowlyallowallotherthoughtstoflowoutofmymind.Distractionsareinevitable.WhenIrealizethatathoughtorideahasreenteredmymind,assoonasIamawarethatIhavebeentakenhostagebyadistraction,Ifreemymindonceagainbyreturningtothesingleredroseinmymind’seye.
Overafewminutes,mymindisabletostillandmyheartandsoulbegintoheighteninawareness.IfindmyselfinthepresenceofGod.Somedaysmywholetimeofprayercanconsistofthisexerciseofstillnessandfocus.Itisoneofmyfavoritewaystospendmytimeonplanes.OnmostdaysIusethismeditationforafewminutestobeginmyprayerbeforemovingontooneoftheotherformsofprayerwehavediscussed.
Wemustlearntoturnfromtheouterlifeofnoiseandconfusiontowardthe
innerlifeofsilenceandserenity.
OneoftheclassiccounselsfromtheBibleis,“BestillandknowthatIamGod.”Thestillnessisimportant.Inthisstillnessweareabletocontemplatethethingsofthespirit.Thestillnessfreesusfromthelimitationsofthebodyandsetsthespiritfreetosoar.Thespiritwithinusisfearless.Thespiritwithinusdoesnotdoubt,itknows.
Inthestillnessweformaconnectionwiththespiritwithin.Throughthispractice,overtime,wecometoperceiveourselvesasaspiritualbeinghavingaphysicalexperience,ratherthanjustaphysicalbeing.
Indiscussingtherosemeditation,ImentionedthatIwouldsitstill.WhenIsaystill,Imeancompletelystill.Nomovementwhatsoever,notevenafractionofaninch.TheonlymovementisthegentlerisingofmychestasIbreathe.
Situpstraight,butnotforced.Erect,butrelaxed.Placebothfeetflatontheground,spacedcomfortablyapart.Restyourhandsinyourlap.Andnow,sitstill.Completelystill.
Letmewarnyou,ifyoutrytopracticethismethodofprayer,therearesomecommontraps.Withinthirtysecondsofmakingyourselfcomfortableandresolvingtobestill,yourbodywillobjectandinformyouthatitisuncomfortable.Thirtysecondsagoyouwerereasonablycomfortable.Amorecomfortablepositionisonlyanillusion.Ifyoumovetofindamorecomfortableposition,youwillspendyourentiretimeofprayershiftingandmoving—approximatelyeverythirtyseconds—andonceagainthebodywillhavetriumphed.
Ifyouareabletoignorethetemptationtosearchforthepositionthatisperfectlycomfortable,youwillovercomethefirstobstacle,informthebodywhoismaster,andmovetoadeeperlevel.
Yournexthurdlewillcomewithintwominutes.Youwillhaveanitch.Perhapsonyourhand,yourneck,yournose,orjustunderyoureye.
Yourbodywillbeckonyoutoscratchtheitch.Todosoyouwillhaveto
move,whichwillbreakthedominanceofmindandspiritoverbody.Don’t.Acknowledgetheitchandaskyourself:Isitbearable?Willitkillmetoignoreit?Ofcourseitisbearable,anditcertainlywillnotkillyou.Staystill.Ignoreit.Onceyouresolvenottorespondtothecallofthebody,theitchwillincreaseinintensityforafewmoments.Then,asyourresolvenottorespondbuilds,theitchwillfade.Throughoutthis,youwillbeprogressingtonewlevelsofstillness,silence,solitude—allleadingyoutoonenesswiththespiritwithin.
Anotherdangeristhataswebecomesilentandstill,ourmindsclear.Thecalmproducesclarityofthought.Youwillberemindedofthingsyouhadforgotten,thingsyouneedtodo.Allofthesearetemptationstostop.
Forme,IfindthatassoonasIcomeintothestillnessandsilence,thiscalmproducesalltypesofwritingideas.Mytemptationistostopprayingandtowrite.ButIfindthatifIignorethoseinitialtemptations,Iamledtoevendeeperideaslaterinmyprayer.
Thesetemptationswillreemergeoccasionally—itches,discomfort,distractions,thetemptationtostop,toscratch,thetemptationtoshuffleintoamorecomfortableposition.Itellmyselfitwon’tkillme,andIignoreit.Itirritatesforafewmoments,sometimesminutes,butthenitgoesaway,andwiththatvictorywearetakentoevenhigherplacesofcontemplation.
ItisinthoseplacesthatIhaveexperiencedthemostgloriousmomentsofmylife.Theexperiencecannotbedescribed,butifyouareabletotasteitforamoment,justonce,youwilllongandyearnforiteveryday—andthenprayerwillbecomeyourpassionandpleasure.Youwillgototheclassroomofsilenceeverydayforpeaceandguidance,todiscoverwhoyouare,andtosummonthestrengthtobetruetoyourself.OnlythenwillthewordsIhaveplacedonthepagesofthisbooktakeontheirfullmeaningforyouandyourlife.Youwillrereadtheselinesanddiscoverlayeruponlayerofmeaning.
Youareabouttodiscoverhowdifficultitistositstill.Ifyoupersevere,youwilldiscovertheunfathomablepowerofstillnessandsilence.Onlyinthisstate,Ibelieve,canwecometotrulyknowthedeepestneedsanddesiresofourbeing.
Prayerisacontraction.Inprayerwecloseourselvesofffromtheworld,frompeople,places,andpossessions,weabandontheseductionofnoise,andcloseoureyes.Butfromthiscontractionisbornthemostremarkable
expansions,andweareempoweredbytheDivineSpirittoseethingsbeforeunseen,tohearthingsbeforeunheard,andtobecomeanunimaginedcreation.
Prayerisacontractionthatproducesanexpansion.
BestillandknowthatIamGod.
BestillandknowthatIam.
Bestillandknow.
Bestill.
Be.
TherearedayswhenIliketospendthesacredhourtakingalongwalkinaquietplace.Iliketowalkslowly,makingsurenottolosemybreath.Iliketotrytowalklikeamanwhohasn’tacareintheworld,asIdescribedinpart4.
Itisamazingthedifferencethewayyoubreathecanmake.Forexample,ifyouareinapressuresituation,oryouarefrustrated,howareyoubreathing?Heavilyandquickly—shortbreaths.Now,concentrateonyourbreathing.Breatheslowlyanddeeply.Withinminutesyourwholedemeanorcanbechangedandcontrolled.
Anotherexample:Yougetintotheshowerandthewaterturnsfreezingcold.Youarestunned.Yourreactionistogasp,takinginshortbreathsofair.Breathedeeplyandyouwillbeabletotoleratethecoldwater.
Howyoubreatheduringprayerisimportant.Whenyoufirstbeginyourprayer,payattentiontoyourbreathing.Breatheslowlyanddeeply.Thiswillhelpyoutocalmdown,relax,andsurrendertothepeacefulnessofprayer.
Weeliminatestressandinviterelaxationbyreturningourfocustothebasicsoflife.Thereisnothingmorefundamentalthanbreathing.Breathe.Don’tforgettobreathe.Thewayyoubreathecanchangeyourstatemorequicklythananyothercontrollablephysiologicalaspectofthehumanperson.
Onotherdays,particularlywhenIamvisitingmyfamilyandfriendsinAustralia,Iliketospendmysacredhoursittingonaquietbeach,listeningtothewavesrollinandout.Therhythmofthewaveshasacalming,soothingquality.ThereisasacredconnectionbetweenGodandnature.Itismysterious,butreal.
WhenIwasachild,myparentsoftentookmybrothersandmetothebeach.Wewouldswimandbuildsandcastles.WeusedtogotoManlyBeach.IalwaysgotherewhenIreturntoSydney.Thereissomethingpowerfulandwonderfulabouttheplacesofourchildhood.Inamysticalwaytheyremindusofwhoweoncewere,whichbringsintofocuswhowearenow.Theyremindusofourstory.Everyonehasone,andourownstoryisanindispensabletoolinthejourneytogrowandchange.IliketovisitManlyBeach,toeatinrestaurantsIateinonspecialoccasions,towalkonthesoccerfieldsIonceplayedon.
Visittheplacesofyourchildhood.Thatwouldbeasacredhourwellspent.
PrayerisatimetoshareourjoysandtroubleswithGod,butitissomuchmorethanjustthat.Prayerisatimetodreamandvisualize.
ThereisonethingmygolfcoachtoldmethatIhaveneverforgotten.Heusedtosay,“Ifyoucannotseetheshot,youcannothittheshot.Standbehindtheball.Lookattheballandthenlookatthehole.Visualizetheshotyouwanttohit.Seeitflyingthroughtheairandlandingwhereyouwantittoland.Ifyoucan’tseetheshot,youcan’thittheshot.”
Itistrueforjustabouteverything.VanGoghwasabletostandbeforeanemptycanvas,unlockhisimagination,andseesomethingthatwasn’tthere.ThomasEdisonwasabletoseethingsthatdidn’tevenexist—yet.MartinLutherKingJr.wasabletoseesomethingthatwasn’tbeforehimbutthatheknewshouldbe.
VanGoghoncewrote,“ThethinghasalreadytakenforminmymindbeforeIstartit.Thefirstattemptsareabsolutelyunbearable.IsaythisbecauseIwantyoutoknowthatifyouseesomethingworthwhileinwhatIamdoing,itisnotbyaccidentbutbecauseofrealdirectionandpurpose.”
Thefirstattemptsatprayerarealsooftenunbearable.
Thisprincipleofvisualizationisalsotrueforourmostimportantworkinthislife.Ifyoucannotseethebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe,youcannotbethatbetterperson.Prayeristheplaceandtimetovisualizethewaysinwhichyoucanbecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.PrayerisanopportunitytojoinyourheartandmindtotheheartandmindofGodandtovisualizeeverythingyoudream,hope,andwishtoachieveandeverythingyoulongtobe.Hereliesthepowerofprayer.Makenomistake,prayerunleashestheunfathomablepotentialofthehumanspirit—thepowertovisualizeandengageunrealizedpotential.
Wouldthesameideaworkforayoungmanwhowantedtobecomethegreatestbasketballplayerinhistory?MichaelJordanoncesaid,“IvisualizedwhereIwantedtobe,whatkindofplayerIwantedtobecome.IknewexactlywhereIwantedtogo,andIfocusedongettingthere.”
ItisalsobyprayerthatGodempowersustoovercomefaults,addictions,andvices.Forexample,supposethereissomeonewhoreallyannoysyouatschooloratwork.Overandoverthesamesituationarises,andyoubecomefrustrated,annoyed,evenangered.Thatonesituation,andotherslikeit,candestroyyourpeaceforawholeday,evenfordaysatatime.
Donotletthatpersonrobyouofyourpeace.Imaginethesituation.Visualizeitasithashappenedbefore.Now,imaginetheperfectwaytorespondinthatsituationinordertoremaincalmandpeaceful.Howlongdoesittaketovisualizethatresponse?Tenseconds.Intheemptymomentsoftheday,betweentasks,whileyouarewalkingfromoneplacetoanother,imaginethatsituation.Visualizeitoverandoveragain.Visualizeyourresponse,yourperfectresponse,overandoveragain.Imagineyourselfremainingcalmandpeacefulinthatsituation.Visualizeyourselfrespondingtothatsituationperfectlytwentytimesaday.Itwillcostyoulessthanthreeandahalfminutesoftwenty-fourhours,andwithintwoweeksIpromiseyouwillberespondinginexactlythesamewayyouhavevisualized.
Thoughtdeterminesaction.Donotletyourwholelifebeareactiontothethingsthathappenaroundyoueachday.Letyourlifebeanaction.
Thesacredhourisatimeofrenewalandrefreshment.Itisatimeofspiritualnourishment.Itisatimetoslowdownandremindourselvesofwhatisreallyimportant.Thesacredhourisanopportunitytobringfocusanddirectiontoourlives.Atimetodreamandvisualize.Yetourprayershouldnotbeconfinedtothisonehoureachday.
Attheendofmysacredhoureachday,Ifeelpeaceful.IfeelconfidentIcanhandletheeventsandsituationsthatarebeforeme.Butafterfiveminutesbackintothehustleandbustleofdailylife,itissoeasytolosethatpeaceandfocus.
Itrytosustaintheeffectofthesacredhourbyusingasimpleandancientspiritualtechnique.Irepeattomyselfasimplephraseorwordoverandoveragain,hundredsoftimesthroughouttheday.Thistechniqueisknownasamantraandhasbeenusedforcenturiesinseveraldifferentreligioustraditions.ThephraseIliketouseisthefirstlineofaprayerattributedtoFrancisofAssisi:“Lord,makemeaninstrumentofyourpeace.”
Throughoutthedayinthoseemptymomentsbetweentasks,inthoseminutesdrivingfromoneplacetoanother,attimesoffrustration,pressure,anger,disappointment—Irepeatthisphraseoverandoveragain.Slowly.Thoughtfully.Iallowittoreachdowntothedepthsofmybeing.
Afterawhileitbecomessecondnaturetorespondtocertainsituationsinternallyfirstbeforerespondingexternally.Toreflectratherthanspeakorshout.
Tryit.
Findyourownphrase.Aquote,aword,asentencethathasthepowertobringeverythingbackintoperspectiveforyou.Youwilldiscoverthattherearesomanygapsintheday,emptymomentsthatcanbeusedtorefocusyourselfonwhatisreallyimportant.Themantrahasbeenavaluabletoolforgreatspiritualleadersforhundredsofyears.Successfulpeopleremindthemselvesoftheirgoalineverywakingmomentofeveryhourofeveryday.Whetheryouseektobeasuccessfulfootballplayerorsuccessfulinthespirituallife,thesameprincipleapplies.Themantraisatoolthatwillhelpyoutostayfocused—tokeepyourheartandmindfixedonyourgoalineverymomentofeveryday.
Sometimeslifeshakesusupalittle.Webecomedisoriented,overwhelmed,consumedbytheday-to-dayhappeningsofourlives.Britain’sRoyalNavyhasapracticeknownasthe“all-still.”Whensomethinggoeswrongonaship,particularlyasubmarine,thecaptainannouncesanall-still.Forthreeminutesnooneisallowedtomoveorspeak.Ourlivesareanexpressionofwhatiswithinus.Lifeisanoverflowoftheheart.Ifwithinyouareconfused,frustrated,andexhausted,youractionswilltellthesamestory.
Threeminutesofsilenceandstillnesscanhaveanexponentialeffectinthemiddleofaturbulentsituation.InmyownlifeIhavefoundthatbetweenmeetings,phonecalls,orinthemiddleofagroupproject,anall-stillcanmakeallthedifference.Itisanopportunitytocatchmybreathandputthingsinperspective.
Prayercontributestothehealthandwell-beingofthewholeperson.Studiesinthelatterpartofthetwentiethcenturyrevealthatpeoplewhoprayrecoverfasterfromseriousillnessesandarelesslikelytosufferfromdepressionormentalillness.Wearehumanbeings—adelicatecompositionofbodyandsoul,linkedcarefullybythewillandtheintellect.Maximumhealthandwell-beingcanbereachedonlywhenweattendtoeachoftheelementsofourbeing.Ignoringthespiritualcomponentofourbeingnecessarilyreducesourhealth,effectiveness,well-being,andefficiency.
CarlJung,oneofthiscentury’smostdistinguishedpsychiatrists,inhisbookModernManinSearchofaSoul,wrote,“Duringthepastthirtyyears,peoplefromallcivilizedcountriesoftheearthhaveconsultedme.Ihavetreatedmanyhundredsofpatients.Amongallmypatientsinthesecondhalfoflife—thatistosay,overthirty-five—therehasnotbeenonewhoseprobleminthelastresortwasnotthatoffindingareligiousoutlookonlife.Itissafetosaythateveryoneofthemfellillbecausehehadlostthatwhichthelivingreligionsofeveryagehavegiventotheirfollowers,andnoneofthemhasbeenreallyhealedwhodidnotregainhisreligiousoutlook.”
Isitmerelyacoincidencethat,inthisagemarkedbyitsrejectionofreligionandspirituality,theincidenceofdepressionandmentalillnesshasescalatedso
dramatically?
Unfortunately,weliveinanagewhenmattersofthespiritareneglectedand,insomeways,lookeddownupon.Faithisaliberatingforce.Religionisaliberatingforce.Spiritualityisaliberatingforce.Itisnaturalforhumanbeingstopray:wearenaturallyspiritualbeings.Weliveinamaterialworld,butwearenotsolelymaterial.
Ifyoureadeverybookeverwrittenonbaseball,wouldthatmakeyouthegreatestbaseballplayerever?Youlearntorideabicycleonlybyridingabicycle,toplayfootballbyplayingfootball,tocookbycooking.Youbecomeagreatbaseballplayeronlybyplayingbaseball.Prayerisalotlikelove.Wearebornwithanaturalabilityandcapacitytolove.Thisabilitytolovedevelopswhenweexerciseit.Welearntolovebyloving.Theonlywaytolearntoprayistopray.Books,teachers,guides,mentors,rolemodels,andcoachesallhelptoperfectourabilities,butthereisnosubstitutefortheactualpractice—whetheritisbaseball,cooking,football,love,orprayer.
AsIwritethesewordsaboutprayer,thewordsofHenryDavidThoreauechoinmymind:“IwenttothewoodsbecauseIwantedtolivedeliberately….Iwantedtolivedeepandsuckoutallthemarrowoflife…toputtoroutallthatwasnotlife…andnot,whenIcametodie,discoverthatIhadnotlived….”
IgotothewoodsofprayereachdaybecauseIwanttolivelifedeliberately.IpraybecauseIwanttolivelifedeeplyandsuckoutallthemarrowoflife!Igotoprayertoputtoroutallthatisnotlife,toseparatethosethingsthatareimportantfromthosethatareoflittleornoconsequence.Igotothewoodsofprayer,becauseIdonotwanttocometodieanddiscoverthatIhavenotlived.
Gotothewoodsofprayer.Gototheclassroomofsilence.Fromtheseplacesyouwillemergecapableoflivinglifetothefullest—attunedandempoweredtolivelifedeliberately.
InDecember1993,ItraveledtoIrelandforthefirsttime.ForalmostamonthI
gavetalksacrossthecountrytosmallgroupsandlargegroups.ItwasmyfirstinternationalspeakingtripandmyfirstChristmasawayfromhome.IwastwentyyearsoldandhadneverseenawhiteChristmas.IspentthatChristmasinIrelandwithamanwhohassincebecomeoneofmydearestfriends.Wesatbythefireandtoldstories,andthestoriesignitedafirewithinus.Webothhaveapassionforstoriesandstorytelling.ThisisoneofthestorieshetoldmethatChristmas:
Therewasonceatroubadour.Wearetoldhewasastartlinglyhandsomeman,withbeautifuloliveskinandravenblackhair,witheyesasgreenasriverreeds,withlongthicklashes.Hewasveryhandsomeineveryway,fullofthetoneandsinewofyouth.Hisfamily,richandrespected,dressedhiminthefinestthreadsandvelvets,andhispopularityamongtheladieswasunmatched.Hehadeverything,didn’thavetoworkforaliving,andhadahostofcomradeswholovedandadoredhim.
Hewentasabravesoldiertowarwiththeblessingsofthewholetown.Wheninbattle,hewaslaughingwithhisfriendsasheengagedtheenemy,lookingonitasasortofgame.Infact,hewassoself-confidentinthemiddleofdangerthathewasknockedfromhishorseandwhileunconsciouswasdraggedbyhisfoot,whichwascaughtinthestirrup.Whenhecameto,itwasnight.Hewasnearasmallpoolofwaterinaclearing,thehorsewasgrazing,andhisfootwasstillcaught.Hewasonhisbackandlookingupintothesky.Itwasoneofthoseveryblacknights,withnomoonbutafewverybrightstars.Everywheretherewassilence.Hegazedupatoneofthestars,andhiswholelifeanditsmeaningpassedbeforehimforassessment.
Hefellunconsciousagain,andthefeverragedinhisbodyforweeks.Eventuallyhereturnedtohisfamily,andtheykeptvigilbyhisbedside,astheyfelteachhourmightbehislast.Manyvisitorscametoseehim—priests,bishops,thetownmayor,evenacardinal.
Atlast,onemorning,thoseriverreed–greeneyesopeneduptothesoundofabirdonthewindowsinging.Allhewantedtodowasholdthebirdcloserandlistentoitssong.Weakashewas,hegotoutofbedandtriedtocatchthebird,butitfledfromhim,offthewindowsillandontotheroofoppositehisroom.Atthatmomentherememberedthemidnightsky,andthelastthingherememberedwaslookingupatthatbrightstarwhilehislifeflashedbeforehim.
Thisyoungmanwassolovedandreveredbyhisfamilyandallthetownspeoplethatshortlyafterwardtheygavehimagreatpartytocelebratehisreturntohealth.Fromfarandwide,allthefamily’sfriendstraveledtojointhecelebration,buthewaschanged.Allthethingsheusedtodowithhisfriendshefoundhecouldnolongerenjoy,andallthedazzlingclotheshisparentsputonhimhehadnointerestin.Allhecouldthinkaboutwasthatnightskyandthebrightstar.Andwhentheywouldcatchhiminthisreverieandaskhimwhathewassopreoccupiedwith,andhewouldtellthem,they’dshoveanotherbrewinfrontofhimandsay,“You’llgetoverit.”
Everydayhecouldnotwaittogetoutofthecityintothecountryside,intothefieldsofflowers.Onedayhelayonthegroundandputhisfingersandtoesintothemoistearthofthemeadow,andhestayedtherewithhisfaceinthegroundthewholeafternoon.Anotherdayhefoundastonethatwasmarbledinglitteringdust,andhestaredatitallday.Thiswasaverydifferentpersonfromthehappy-go-luckywarriorwhohadsetoutforbattleashortwhilebefore.
Hespentallhisdaysinthecountryside,andhisparentsknewtheywerelosinghim,thatwonderfulsononwhomtheydependedtocarryonthefamily,totakeoverthefamilybusinesses,andperhapsonedaytobecomegovernoroftheprovince.Hesmiledatthemandhelovedthem,butlittlebylittletheywerelosinghim.
ThenonedayherealizedhowmuchhelovedGod.TheGodwhodidnotsayanythinginthedarkmidnightskybutwasthere,theGodwhowasinthebirdthatsangasongtohisawakening,andinthemoistandgoodearththatallowedhimjusttoliethere,andinthepoppiesthatdazzledhiseyeswithblazingscarletcolorsandthehummingofbeesandtheiridescenceofbutterflywings.HerealizedthatthisGodhelovedwastheunseengiftallaroundhim.Hisparentsthoughthehadgoneoffthedeependandthrewendlesspartiestotrytogethimtosnapoutofit.Theyevensenthimtotalktothepriests,whoonlyshooktheirheads.
Finally,onedayatagreatparty,whenhewasdressedinthemostdazzlingclotheshisparentscouldprocureforhim,hestrippeddownnakedinfrontofalltheassembly,minister,priests,family,women,friends,goatsandsheep,thesky,theearth,thevillage.Notthathewasanexhibitionist;no,itwasasignthathedidn’tbelongtothislifeanymore,andheranfromthecitywithasonginhishearttofindsomeclothofthefieldtocoverhisbody.Therewasasonginhis
heartandagentlespiritthatwasbornofthefever.Laterhewouldfindanoldplaceandbegintobuilditupwithstones,throughfreezingwinterrains.HisworshiptothegloryofGodwasthekingdomoftheearth.
Thegreatestcontributionthatthemidnightskymadetohimwasnottheimageforwhichhehadlivedsolong,butthetruebeautywithinmanandwoman.Thefeverburnedawaytheimagesothathecouldseewhathehadneverseenbefore.Heturnedthepageandchanged.Hisparentscouldnolongerseeinhimthecamaraderietheylackedinthemselves.Thewomencouldnolongerseeinhimtheneedforaloverthattheylackedintheirownlives.Hechanged,andtheycouldn’tseeinhimanymorewhattheywerethemselves.Theywouldhavetogrowtofindinhimwhatwasinthemselvesallalong.
Whatwasnowlookingoutfromthosegreeneyeswasnottheimage,butthemagnificentlighthehadbecome.Hewouldwalkinthefields,andthebirdsandtheanimalswouldgotohim.Onceagreatmountainlioncameandlayathisfeet.
Whydidhecallthesethingsbrothersandsisters?Becausetheywere.Awildanimalwillnotliedownbesideapersondevotedtotheimage,becausetheimageisthestagnationofregressiveenergy,copulation,pain,fear,doubt,andpower.Butalionwillliedownpeacefullyatthefeetofagreatlightandfindaonenesswithit,becausethelightthatitseesandsensesisthelifeforceofitsverybeing.
ThismanlivedtherestofhislifebeingagloryofGod,aglorytotheGodwhohademergedinhim.Hesangofthegloryoflifeandtriedtoeducatepeople,notindoctrine,butinthesimplicityofknowledge.HelivednohypocrisiesbutwasdevotedonlytoGod.Hebecamehatedanddespised,becausehetriedtoshineinthedarknesswhileotherpeopleguardedthelightswitch.
Thisisatruestory.ThedashingyoungmanwasFrancisofAssisi.
Thereisnogreaterforcetolivebythanfaith.Prayergivesusvision,courage,strength,andendurance.Prayerdissolvesourprejudices,banishesournarrow-mindedness,andmeltsawayourjudgmentaltendenciesbyexpandingourhearts,
minds,andspirits.
WepraytoGodonourknees—butwealsoprayinpeace,joy,love,andlaughter.
Lifeisaprayer.
Perhapsnowwouldbeagoodtimetotakeacoupleofminutestopray.ThisistherestoftheprayerFranciswroteinthetwelfthcentury.BorninAssisiinItaly,hewasthefounderoftheFranciscanOrderofFriars.Hehadaprofoundloveofnatureandapproachedalllivingbeings,creatures,andentitiesasbrothersandsisters.Hisprayerisasprofoundandpowerfultodayasithaseverbeen.
Lord,makemeaninstrumentofyourpeace.
Wherethereishatred,letmesowlove.
Wherethereisinjury,letmesowpardon;
wherethereisdoubt,letmesowfaith;
wherethereisdespair,letmesowhope;
wherethereisdarkness,letmesowlight;
andwherethereissadness,letmesowjoy.
DivineMaster,grantthatImaynotsomuchseek
tobeconsoledastoconsole;
tobeunderstoodastounderstand;
tobelovedastolove;
foritisingivingthatwereceive,
itisinpardoningthatwearepardoned,
anditisindyingthatweareborntoeternallife.
TheSeventhDay
Wouldn’titbenicetohaveonedayaweekjusttorest,reflect,andberenewed?Wouldyoubehappier,healthier,maybeevenabetterperson?Whatisstoppingyou?Ibelievethathonoringtheseventhdaymakessenseevenforanatheist.
Therhythmoflifeisfoundedonancienttradition,eternalmysteries,modernknowledge,andcommonsense.
TheseventhdayhasitsrootsintheJudeo-Christianscripturesandtradition.Asdiscussedinpart4,inthebookofGenesisweread,“OntheseventhdayGodrestedfromalltheworkthatHehaddone.”WhydidGodrestontheseventhday?WasGodtired?Ofcoursenot.Goddidnotneedtorest,butHeforesawour“need”forrest.Inforeseeingourneedforrest,Godestablishedtheseventhdayasaholydaytobesetasideforrestandrenewal.
GoddidnotcreatetheSabbathforHissake.GodcreatedtheSabbathforoursake.TheSabbathdoesn’thelpGod,ithelpsus.
Byinstitutingtheseventhdayasadayofrestandrenewal,bysettingthistimeaside,Godprovidedanotherinstrumenttorestoreandmaintainrhythminourlives—therhythmoflifethatgivesbirthtopeace,harmony,effectiveliving,andoptimumhealthandwell-being.
TheThirdInstrument
Thefirstandsecondinstrumentshelpustoestablishtherhythmoflifedaybyday.Thethirdinstrument—theseventhday—helpsustoanchorourweeksintherhythmoflife.Here,wewilldiscusstheseventhdayasatimeofrestandrenewal,andasaninstrumentincreatingandmaintainingarhythminourlivesthatenablesustoachieveandmaintainourmaximumcapacityineveryareaofourlives.
Theseventhdayisanancienttraditionfoundedandbasedonourmosthumanneeds.ItisaJewishtraditionandaChristiantradition.Otherreligioustraditionsalsohonoronedayoftheweekasadayofworshipandrest.Inthisagethathasnotbeenkindtotradition,Ibelievethereisagreatneedtoembracethiswonderful,life-givingtraditionoftheseventhday.
ThetraditionoftheSabbathemergedfromourlegitimateneedashumanbeingsforrest.Theseventhdaytraditionupholds,protects,andensuresourlegitimateneedforrestandrelaxation,forachangeofpace,fortimewithfamilyandfriends,fortimetoturntowardthetranscendental,andfortimetorenewourconnectionwithGod.Itisatraditionasrelevanttodayasitwasfivethousandyearsago.
Themodernconceptionofliferespectsonlyaction.Tobespendingyourtimeinaworthwhilemanner,youmustbedoingorachievingsomething.Thecrudestandmostbasicmeasureofthisattitudeismoneymaking.Thismind-setaffectseventhewaywespendourrecreationtime.Peoplearesocaughtupinthisobsessionwithactionandactivity,theyfeeltheymustbedoingsomething
constantly.Prayerisaninneractivity.Whenyouprayyoutakeontheappearanceofdoingnothing.Andbecausethefruits,benefits,andrewardsofprayerareinternal,youappeartobeachievingnothing.Nothingcouldbefurtherfromthetruth.
Noteverypersonwiththeireyesclosedisasleep,andnoteverypersonwiththeireyesopencansee.
Ourpolitical,social,andculturalmovementsdonotupholdthejourneyfrompointAtopointB.Thephilosophicalfoundationofthelifestylescelebratedbythemodernmediascreamsout,“Lifeisaboutwhatyouhaveandwhatyoudo.”Pleasure,possessions,andpowerarethethreepillarsofthisphilosophy.Theemphasisisonhavinganddoingratherthanonbecoming.Thetruthis,whatyoubecomeisinfinitelymoreimportantthanwhatyoudoorwhatyouhave.
Thethirdinstrumentinvitesustosetasideonedayeachweektorelaxandrefocus,toremindourselvesoftheprioritiesofourlives.Onedayaweektoturnourbackstothewind,todustthedirtfromourfeetandoursouls,todriftanddream,andtoopenourselvestopeace,tranquillity,leisure,andsimpleappreciationoflife.Becreative.Therearethousandsofwaystospendtheseventhday.Broadenyourhorizons.
Readoneofthosebooksyouhavebeenmeaningtoreadforyears.
Spendtimewithyourfamily.
Takeanafternoonnap.
Paintapicture.
Readpoetry.
Writeapoem.
Makesomememories.
Speakyourlove.
Playcatchwithyourson.
Getalittleexercise.
Spendtimewithyourfriends.
Eatabowlofchocolateicecream.
Gotochurch.
Visitsomeonewhoislonely.
Startajournal.
Findthetime.
Justsitandlistentomusic…ifyoucanplay,play.
Getamassage.
Giveamassage.
Gofishing.
Plantagarden.
Spendtimewithchildren.Dostoyevsky,thefamedRussiannovelist,wrote,“Thesoulishealedbybeingwithchildren.”
Lieonabeachandsoakupthesunandwatchtheclouds.
Seekoutaforgottenfriend.
Talkbythefire.
Run.
Speakyourloveagain.
Watchamovietogether.
Sleepunderthestars.
Laughalittle.
Laughalittlemore.
Gotoaplay.
Apologizeforalwaysbeingsobusy.
Visitamuseumoranartgallery.
Listen.
Gobackandreadthenovelsyoustudiedinyourlastyearofhighschool.
Danceslowly,arminarm.
Swim.
Gettobedearly.
Visitwithsolitude.
Befriendsilence.
Ponderthethoughtsofpoets,philosophers,sages,seers,andsaints.
Goforapicnic.
Getagroupoffriendstogetherforagameoftouchfootball.
Takeuponeofyourgrandmother’shobbies.
Keepapromise.
Walkinthepark.
Gatherupallofthosephotosyouhavelyingaroundandputtogetheranalbum.
Watchasunset.
Listentotherain.
Writealoveletter.
Bakesomecookies.
Callyourmother…
Thesetypesofactivitiesrenewus,refreshus,bringrhythmtoourlives,leadustowardmaximumhealth,liberateourheartsandminds,andremindusofwhoweareandwhatisreallyimportant.
Filltheseventhdaywithenrichingexperiencesthatbringnewmeaninganddepthtoyourlife.Stepbackandgetagoodlookatlife,andthenimmerseyourselfmorefullyinit.
Agoodstartingpointwouldbetotrytodoatleastoneactivityineachofthefourareasoflegitimateneed—physical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritual—ontheseventhday.
Everythinghappensaccordingtotheseasons.Natureisbasedoncertaincycles.Thesecyclesaretheuntappedpowerofourlives.Ifafarmerplantstheseedinthewinter,willhehaveacropinthespring?No,hewillhavewastedhistime,effort,energy,andseed.Itisknowledgeofthecycles,seasons,andrhythmsofnaturethatmakesafarmersuccessful.
Today,itiscommonknowledgeandpracticethatarestedfieldyieldsaplentifulcrop.Iwonder,thefirsttimeafarmerdecidedtoletafieldrestforayear,didhisneighborsandfriendssay,“Oh,that’sacleveridea”?Absolutelynot.Theylaughedathim,madefunofhim,talkedabouthimbehindhisback,andthoughthewascrazy.Thenextyear,whenhebroughtinhiscropfromthatfield,hehadthelastlaugh.Thefollowingyear,whentherewerethreeorfourfieldsresting,hesmiledtohimselfwithagentlesenseofquietsatisfaction.Tenyearslater,wheneveryfarmerinthedistrictwasusingtherestingfieldmethod,
hehadbecomealegend.
Thecyclesofnatureholdtheuntappedpowerofourlives,too.Asyoubegintodiscoverthosecyclesandlivebythem,yourfriendswillthinkyouarecrazyforleavingthepartyearly,orforpassingup“anirresistibleopportunity”atwork,orforchangingthewayyouspendyourSunday.Butovertheweeks,months,andyearsahead,asyoubringtheharvestofyourlifetobeweighed,theywillsoonseethatyourwayisbetter.Theywillturntoit.Theytoowillbegintoseektherhythmoflife.
Thequestionbecomes:Areyoupreparedtogiveyourhealthandhappinesspriorityoveryourbankbalanceandyourtoycollection?Therhythmoflifeshouldbeapriorityinourlives.Theseventhdayasadayofrestisaverypowerfultoolincreatingandmaintainingtherhythmoflife.AcknowledgethewisdombehindtheSabbathtradition.Usethisday.Acceptthisgift.Allowthisdayofresttoregulateyourweek,toprovideamacrorhythmforyourlife.
Doyoueverfeelthatyoujustneedadayoff?Adaytorelax,tobewithfamilyandfriends,todonothingatall,adaytotakeiteasy?
Embracetheseventhday.Allowyourselftoberenewedandrefreshed.Forthousandsofyears,wisemenandwomenofeveryculturehavebeentappingthepoweroftheSabbath,inoneformoranother,tomaintainrhythmintheirlives.Fromthisrestandreflectionoftheseventhday,weemergewithakeensenseofwhatourprioritiesareandreturntoourworkandtotheworldrootedonceagaininourlifeprinciples.
ThereoncelivedamanwhosenamewasJude.HewasanapostleofJesusChristandwasrenownedthroughouttheregionasawiseanddeeplyspiritualman.Peopletraveledgreatdistances,venturingacrossforeignlands,toseekhisadviceandhealing.
OnedayJudewasrelaxingoutsidehishutwhenahuntercameby.ThehunterwassurprisedtoseeJuderelaxingandrebuffedhimforloafing.Itwasnot
thehunter’sideaofwhataholymanshouldbedoing.
Juderecognizedthesethoughtsrunningthroughthehunter’smindandalsonoticedthatthemancarriedabowforhunting.“Whatisyouroccupation,sir?”Judeasked.
“Iamahunter,”themanreplied.
“Verygood,”Judesaid.“Bendyourbowandshootanarrow.”Themandidso.“Benditagainandshootanotherarrow,”saidJude.
Thehunterdidso,againandagain.Finallyhecomplained,“Father,ifIkeepmybowalwaysstretched,itwillbreak.”
“Verygood,mychild,”Judereplied.“Soitiswithmeandallpeople.Ifwepushourselvesbeyondmeasure,wewillbreak.Itisgoodandrightfromtimetotimetorelaxandre-createourselves.”
Ifyoudon’tbreakfromthetensionsofdailyliving,theywillbreakyou.
Whatismusicmadeof?Yes,rhythm,ofcourse.Whatelse?Yes,notes.Whenyouwritemusic,doyouwriteonlynotes?No.Inmusictherestsareasimportantasthenotes.Greatmusiciansknowthepowerofrest.Ifyoulistentoagreatpublicspeaker,youwilldiscoverthatthewaythatpersonpausesisaspowerfulasthewordsheorshespeaks.Itistruealsoinlife.Therestsareasimportantastheactivity.Thesilenceisasimportantasthenoise.Therestmakestheactivitymorepowerfulandefficient.Thesilencemakesthenoisemoremeaningful.
WaltWhitmanoncewrote,“Iloafandinvitemysoul.”Loafingopenstheheartandmindtoallowpeaceandtranquillitytoflowin.Weallneedatimetorelaxandlistentothevoicewithin,thevoicethatrevealsthetruththatmakesusfree.
Leisureincreasestherichnessoflife.Thewisemaketimetoloaf.Inthismodernageobsessedwithnoiseandmovement,weseemincapableofrelaxing.Takeiteasy.
LetusconcludeourdiscussionwithareflectionfromLeonardodaVinci.BorninItalyin1452,Leonardowasapainter,sculptor,architect,musician,engineer,mathematician,andscientist.LeonardodaVinciwasunquestionablyoneofthegreatestintellectsinhumanhistory.
Everynowandthengoaway,
havealittlerelaxation,
forwhenyoucomebacktoyourworkyourjudgmentwillbesurer;sincetoremainconstantlyatworkwillcauseyoutolosepowerofjudgment…
Gosomedistanceaway
becausetheworkappearssmallerandmoreofitcanbetakeninataglance,andalackofharmonyorproportionismorereadilyseen.
TheArtofSlowingDown
Thereisanarttoslowingdown.Inourbusyworlditisnoteasytomasterthisart,butitisnecessary.Ourliveshaveahabitofgatheringamomentumoftheirown,plungingforward,withorwithoutourconsent.Learntoslowdownandaccesslife.Takeyourfootofftheacceleratorandlookaboutandwithin.
Slowdown.Breathedeeply.Reflectdeeply.Praydeeply.Livedeeply.Otherwiseyouwillspendyourlifefeelinglikeabulldozerchasingbutterfliesorasparrowinahurricane.
PartSix
TheWayofExcellence
AChildhoodLesson
Idon’tknowwhereitcamefrom,orwhyIdevelopedit,butforaslongasIcanrememberithasbeenapartofme.Ihavealwaysbeenfascinatedwithfamousandsuccessfulpeople.
WhenIwasachild,Ioftendreamedofbeingasportschampion.SoIlookedtomysportingheroes—soccerchampionPele,golfinggreatGregNorman,andcricketlegendDonBradman—andIsaidtomyself,“Ihopethathappenstomeoneday.”
AsIgrewolder,myfascinationwithfamouspeopleexpandedtoincludemenandwomenfromallwalksoflife—moviestars,entrepreneurs,politicians,religiousleaders,musicians,andartists.Ibegantoreadaboutthemandwatchmoviesanddocumentariesabouttheirlivesandwork.Istudiedtheirliveswithaninsatiablecuriosity.
Lookingbacknow,IrealizeIwassearchingforclues.Iwantedtoknowthesecretsoftheirsuccess.Whatmakesachampionachampion?
Overtime,Ibegantoseehowtheirsuccesswasachieved.Whetheritwastomake$100million,tobecomeaworld-classfootballplayer,toraiseawonderfulfamily,tobecomeagreatpoliticalleader,tobeaninspirationalartistorauthor,ortolivealifeofheroicholiness—Idiscoveredthatforthemostpartallofthesepeoplepossessedabasicsetofqualities.Theirsuccesswasn’tjustgoodluck.Ibegantoseeapatternemerge.Regardlessoftheirfield,eachofthemappliedasetofprinciplestotheirindividualsituation,whichproducedphenomenalresults.
Thereisapattern.Itiswhatleaders,legends,heroes,greatachievers,champions,andsaintsdotoexcelintheirgivenfield.Thisisthewayofexcellence,fromstarttofinish.LetmetellyouabouthowIbelievetheyachieve
it.
Thefirstthingtheydoisworkoutwheretheyare—pointA—andwhotheyare—self-knowledge.Theytakeagood,long,hardlookatthemselves.Theyestablishtheirneeds,talents,anddesires.Theydefineandlisttheirstrengthsandweaknesses.Theydefinewhotheyareandwheretheyare.Theywriteitdown.
Theverynextthingtheydoisworkoutwheretheywanttogo—pointB.Theycallthatthedream,theirgoalorambition.Theydefineitprecisely,andtheywriteitdown.Theydreamwithoutlimits.
Nowthattheyknowwheretheyareandwhotheyare—pointA—andwheretheywanttogo—pointB—theyestablishwhichpathwilltakethemtherethequickest.Theyhaveavision.Theypulltogetheraplan.Itmaybeanimperfectplan,butitisaplannonetheless.
Thosewhofailtoplancanplantofail.
Thenextthingtheydoisbegintoworktheplan.Theywalkthepath.Theymoveinthedirectionoftheirdreams.Andastheywalkthatpath,theyallowalloftheiractionstobeguidedbyalifeprinciplethatsummarizesinonesentencetheirpurposeandambition.
Everymorningwhentheywakeup,thefirstthingtheydoisremindthemselvesoftheirgoal.Everynightbeforetheygotobed,thelastthingtheydoisremindthemselvesoftheirgoal.Theyremindthemselvesofthatgoalineverywakingmoment,ofeveryhour,ofeverysingleday.Theyneverletthatgoaloutoftheirsight.Theyharnessthepowerofcommonthought.
Theydonotletanythinggetbetweenthemandtheirgoal.Theyarededicatedtotheirpathandplan.Theywalkthepathwithunrelentingenergy.Theybegintousealltheirtime,effort,andenergyinpursuitoftheirgoal.
Ifsomethingdoescomebetweenthemandtheirgoal,theyconsideritanobstacle,andtheyfindawaytogooverit,underit,aroundit,orthroughit.Guardiansofthethresholdtrytoholdthemback,delaythem,discouragethem,andpersuadethemtowalkotherpaths.Buttheyresistdistraction.Theybelieveintheirpathandplan.
Theyrealizetheycannotdoitalone.Theytaketimetoloveandbeloved.
Theycherishpeople—realizingthatnothingworthwhilecanbeachievedwithouttheloveandhelpofothers.
Theyareinfectious.Everythingtheydoandsaycommunicatesthepassionandvisionoftheirdream.Theymastercommunication.Whotheyare,whattheydo,andhowtheydoitconveysapowerfulmessage.
Theyexperiencedifficultiesandheartache,buttheypushon,alwayskeepingsightoftheirgoal.Theymeetandbecomeintimatewithrealpainanddeepsuffering,buttheyresistthetemptationtobecomebitterandjaded.Theyfall,buttheygetbackup.Theyfallagain,buttheygetbackupagain.Theyfalloverandover,buteverytimetheydotheygetbackup.Theypersevere,andtheypersevere,andtheypersevere.Theynevergiveup.
Intimetheyreachtheirgoal.Theygrasptheirdream.Theyachievetheirambition.Itisnotluck.Itisnotfreakchance.Success,achievement,excellence,andgreatnessarenotaccidents.TheyarenotjustgiftsfromGodforafavoredfew.Theyarethefruitofdiscipline.Theyaretheresultofawell-implementedplan.
Whenwewitnesssuccessandachievementinotherpeople’slives,thetemptationistobelittleit.Wemaysaytoourselves,“Well,tobeaMajorLeagueBaseballplayerisnotthemostnoblegoal,”or,“Toberichandfamous,that’snotthemostnoblegoal.”Thequestionbecomes:Doweevenhaveagoal?DoweevenhaveapointBinourlives?OrarewejustwanderingaroundincirclesatpointA,enslavingourselvestoalltypesofself-destructivebehaviorandsayingtoourselves,“Ihopethathappenstomeoneday,”or,“Iwouldgivemywholelifetobeabletodothat”?
Take,forexample,ItzhakPerlman,whomwediscussedearlier.Doyouthinkheeversaidtohimself,“WhatistheleastIcandoandstillbecomethefinestviolinistintheworld?”
HearingItzhakPerlmanplaytheviolinismorethanamusicalexperience—itisashatteringeclipse—asymphonyofsensoryandspiritualdelight.ItzhakPerlmandoessomethingmuchmorethanplaytheviolinbrilliantly.Howdoyousupposehecametobesogifted?
EverymorningItzhakPerlmanwakesupatfive-fifteen.Heshowers,hasalightbreakfast,andbeginshismorningpracticesession,whichlastsforfourandahalfhours.Hehaslunch,readsforawhile,exercises,andthenbeginshisafternoonpracticesession,whichlastsforfourandahalfhours.Intheevening,hehasdinnerandrelaxeswithhisfamily.ThisisItzhakPerlman’sscheduleeverysingledayoftheyear,exceptforconcertdays.
Onthedayofaconcert,hewakesupatfive-fifteen,showers,hasbreakfast,andbeginshismorningpracticesession,whichlastsforfourandahalfhours.Hehaslunch,readsforawhile,exercises,andtakesanapforninetyminutes.Whenhewakes,hegetsdressedandgoestotheconcertvenue.Theretheyperformasoundcheckandhaveabriefrehearsal.Forty-fiveminutesbeforetheconcert,Mr.Perlmanisfoundaloneinhisdressingroom.Twosecurityguardsareplacedoutsidethelockeddoorwithexplicitinstructionstoletnooneinunderanycircumstances.
Whatdoyouthinkhedoes?
Heprays.ItzhakPerlmanprays.HowdoyouthinkItzhakchoosestoprayatthistime?Doyouthinkhesays,“God,willyoupleaseletmeplaytheviolinbrilliantlytonight?”Thiscouldbe,butitisnotthetypeofpetitionthatleavesItzhakwonderingifGodwillanswerhisprayer.WhenItzhakPerlmansaystoGod,“Willyoupleaseletmeplaytheviolinbrilliantlytonight?”hedoesnotdoubtforonesinglemomentthatGodwillanswerhisprayer.
Why?BecauseItzhakPerlmanplaystheviolinbrilliantlyforninehoursaday,everysingleday,dayinanddayout,inanemptyroom,fornobodybuthisGod.ItzhakPerlmanupholdshispartofthedeal.Passion.Dedication.Belief.SowhenItzhakPerlmansays,“God,willyoupleaseletmeplaytheviolinbrilliantlytonight?”heknowswithabsolutecertitudethatGodwillanswerhisprayer.
IsthattheendofPerlman’sprayer?
Absolutelynot.Sohowdoeshespendtheotherforty-fourminutesofprayer?ItzhakPerlmanthenvisualizeswhathewantstotakeplaceattheconcertthatnight—howhewantstoharnesshisbrilliantperformance.Doyouthinkhemerelytellshimself,“I’llgoouttothemiddleofthestage,playtheviolin,thepeoplewillallstandupandclap,andthenwewillallgohome”?Absolutelynot.
Hevisualizesexactlywhathewantstoachieve;hevisualizesmuchmore,becauseItzhakPerlmandoesn’tjustplaytheviolinbrilliantly.Hereachesintotheverydepthsofpeople.Hegraspsaholdoftheirsoulsandliftsthemupashighashecan.ItzhakPerlmanmakespeoplecry,andtheydon’tknowwhytheyarecrying.Hemakespeoplefeelandhearthingstheyhaveneverfeltorheardbefore—thingsthatcannotbeputintowordsbutmustbewitnessedandexperiencedtobeunderstoodandbelieved.Heshareshisexcitementandpassionforlifethroughhismusic,fillinghisaudiencewithaninexpressiblejoy.Heenergizespeople.Heinspirespeople.Hemovespeople.Hemotivatespeople.Hetouchespeople.Hechangespeople.Inhisownway,hemakesadifferenceinpeople’slives.Andhavingraiseduptheirsouls,hesendsthemhome,knowingthathehasinstilledinthemanexcitementandpassionforlifethatisalmostuncontainable.
Momentsofgenius.Theinexpressibleexpressed.
Thatiswhathevisualizesinhisprayer.YouwouldbemistakentothinkthatItzhakPerlmanaspiresjusttoplaytheviolin.
Laterthatnight,ItzhakPerlmanliesinbedathishotel,andjustbeforehegoestosleep,agentlesmilecomesacrosshisface.Heisfilledwiththequietsatisfactionofknowingthatallaroundthatcitytherearemenandwomentossingandturningintheirbedsbecausetheycannotgettosleep.Theycannotsleepbecausetheirliveshavebeenchanged.
ItzhakPerlmanhasfoundawaytotouchotherpeople’slives,toraiseothersup,tosharehispassionforlife.Heknowsthatthereisnogreatersatisfactionandfulfillmentthantomakeadifferenceinanotherperson’slife—andthatiswhatitisallabout.
Sitinadarkroom,turnupthevolume,andlistentothethemefromthemovieSchindler’sList.Itisthefirstsongonthesoundtrack,andyouwillknowthatitisnotbychancethatItzhakPerlmanhasachievedexcellence,success,andgreatness.
WhatIsSuccesstoYou?
Ifyouaskmostpeoplewhattheywantfromlife,asIhavetakentodoinginrecentyears,youwilldiscoverthattheywanttoachievesuccess.Somepeoplewanttobesuccessfulintheworkplaceandothersonthesportingfield.Somewanttobesuccessfulparentsandotherswanttobesuccessfulatlivingtheirbeliefsorthepracticeoftheirspirituality.Butifyouaskallthesepeopletodefinesuccess,youwillendupwithasmanydifferentanswersastherearepeople.
TheOxfordDictionarydefinessuccessas“theaccomplishmentofanaim;favorableoutcome;or,theattainmentofwealth,fame,orposition.”
Ifthisiswhatsuccessis,please,pleasetellmethereismoretolifethansuccess.Ortellmethatsuccessissomethingelse,somethingmore.
“Thereisonlyonesuccess—tobeabletospendyourlifeinyourownway,”wasChristopherMorley’sobservation.MarkTwaincounseled,“Thesecretofsuccessistomakeyourvocationyourvacation.”RalphWaldoEmerson’sdefinitionofsuccessisperhapsthemostfamed.Hewrote,“Tolaughoftenandmuch;towintherespectofintelligentpeopleandtheaffectionofchildren;toearntheappreciationofhonestcriticsandendurethebetrayaloffalsefriends;toappreciatebeauty,tofindthebestinothers;toleavetheworldabitbetter,whetherbyahealthychild,agardenpatch,oraredeemedsocialcondition;toknowevenonelifehasbreathedeasierbecauseyouhavelived.Thisistohavesucceeded.”
Isupposeeachofusmustultimatelydefinesuccessforhim-orherself.
Therhythmoflifeisafoundationforsuccess.Oncewelaythisfoundationinourlives,everythingweturnourhandstowillbesuccessful,becausewewillknowwhattoturnourhandsto.Butmoreimportant,wewillfindahappiness
thatisrare,true,andlasting.
Asachild,Idiscoveredthatthekeytosuccessinanyfieldisnotasecret.Therearenosecretstosuccess.Gimmicksandquickfixesdonotleadapersontosuccess.Neitherdofast-talking,emptyphilosophies.Successinanyfield—business,sport,politics,music,art,orspirituality—dependsuponadeepandprofoundunderstandingofwhoyouareandwhatyourneeds,talents,anddesiresare.
Thekeytosuccessischaracter.Thekeytoyoursuccessisyourcharacter.Andwhilethefoundationofcharacterisself-discipline,theessenceofcharacterispersonality.Youruniquepersonalityholdsthesecretstoyoursuccess.
Ibelievethegreatestsuccessistobeconstantlygrowing,changing,developing,andevolvingintothebetterpersonIknowIcanbe.Inanyactivitythatassistsyouinthis“becoming,”youwillfindsuccess.Why?Inthelongrunyouwon’tbesuccessfulatsomethingyoudon’tenjoydoing.Enjoymentisanindispensableingredientforsuccess.Wearesuccessfulatthethingsweenjoy,theendeavorswelove,thelaborsweareexcitedandpassionateabout.Itiseasytobepassionateaboutthethingsthatchallengeustobecomethebetterpersonweknowwecanbe.
Beforetoolongwebecomebored,dissatisfied,anddiscontentwithanyactivitythatcannotbeemployedasatoolintheprocessofgrowthanddevelopment.
Successistheintimateandharmoniousrelationshipamongneed,desire,andtalent.Whenthesethreeareunderstoodandpursuedinbalance,theresultisextraordinary.
Mozarthadagreattalent,buthealsohadaburningdesiretomakemusicandagreatneed,asdoweall,totouchotherpeople’slives.Thedelicateblendofthesethree—need,desire,andtalent—producedaresultthatleavesusawestruck,eventoday,morethantwohundredyearsafterhisdeath.
Doyourememberinschoolwhenyouwouldwriteanessay?Youwouldbeginbywritingaroughdraft,andthenyouwouldwriteamorepolished
versionofyourpiece.Perhapsyouwouldevenwriteathird,fourth,orfifthdraftbeforewritingafinaldrafttohandintoyourteacher.
Mozartnevermadecopiesofhismusic.Mozartneverwrotearoughdraft.Nocopies.Nodrafts.Nopractices.Nocorrections.Justafinalmanuscript.Justthebrillianceyouhearinhismusiconpaperthefirsttimehewroteitdown.That,myfriends,isextraordinary.Itisgreatness.Itisaphenomenalblendofneed,desire,andtalent.Itisanunfathomablemixtureofgenius,legend,heroism,passion,andprophecy.ItisnothinglessthantheDivineshiningthroughahumanbeing.
Helivedonlythirty-sixyears.Inthatbrieflifetime,Mozartcomposedsixfirst-rateoperas,twenty-onepianoconcertos,twenty-fourstringquartets,seventeenmasses,assortedchambermusic,andothersoloconcertos.And,ofcourse,forty-onesymphonies.
Chance?Luck?Idon’tthinkso.Passion.Discipline.Perseverance.Commitment.
Creatingtherhythmisaboutsettingthestageforyourneeds,desires,andtalentstoemerge,tobeunderstood,andtobefulfilled.Therhythmoflifeallowsustoknow,understand,andpursueeachofthese—need,desire,andtalent.Theresultissuccess,yes—butanelevatedsuccessofwhichmostpeopleoftheworlddonotknow—thekindofsuccessthatbringswithitfulfillment,satisfaction,happiness,health,adeepandabidingpeace,andtheunalterablerewardofbecoming“the-best-version-of-yourself.”
Wedesiresuccess,fulfillment,happiness,andtobecomebetterpeople,butwetormentourselves.Wedothisbyfailingtofindtheappropriaterelationshipamongneed,desire,andtalent.Werushoffinpursuitof“success!”Manymenandwomenfindsometypeof“success”—theymakeextraordinaryamountsofmoneyorrisetounimaginablelevelsoffame,buttheydonotfindhappinessorfulfillmentinthatsuccess.Whynot?
Thesepeopledon’tunderstandtheirneeds,theyhavelittleunderstandingoftheirtalents,nordotheyseekouttheirtruestanddeepestdesires.Theresultisdiscord,unhappiness,anddissatisfaction.Thegreatjuxtapositionoftheirso-
calledsuccessandtheirpersonaldissatisfactionisconfusing,evenhorrifying.
Successistobecomewhoyoutrulyare.
Apoetmustwritepoetry,anartistmustpaint,amusicianmustmakemusic,alovermustlove,anathletemustrun.Whenapoetwritespoetry,shesubconsciouslybutdelicatelycreatesthelinkamongherneed,herdesire,andhertalent.Theresult,orby-product,ofthisgreatmixtureofneed,desire,andtalentispeace,joy,andadeepsenseofsatisfactionandfulfillment.Forthepoetnottowritepoetrywouldbeinsanity.Forthepoetnottowritepoetrywouldquiteliterallyproduceinsanity.
Webecomemadbyattemptingtobeotherthanwhowetrulyare.
Wecannotbehappytryingtobesomeoneelse,howevergoodorgreatthatpersonmaybe.Wewillneverfindhappinessandfulfillmentfollowingsomeoneelse’sdream,howevergreatornobletheirdreammaybe.
Truesuccessliesinseekingtodiscoverwhoyoutrulyareindividuallyanduniquely;findingyourownspecialgift,talent,orability;anddevelopingthatgiftforthebenefitofall.Suchsuccessenrichestheindividualineveryway.Thistypeofsuccessenrichessociety.
Successisnotjustanachievement,itisacontribution.
WhyAreTheySuccessfulatEverything?
Haveyouevernoticedthatsuccessfulpeopleseemtobeabletodoeverythingwell?Thisisnotbecauseofsomefreakchance,butbecauseofthefoundationuponwhichtheybuildtheirlives.Thefoundationoftheirlivesisastrongcommitmenttopersonaldevelopment—tostrugglingtobecomethebetterpersontheyknowtheycanbeineveryareaoftheirlives—whichinturntransformstheirfamily,relationships,community,country,andworld.Trulysuccessfulpeoplehavecharacter.Partofthatcharacterisanunwaveringcommitmenttoexcellence.Theyknowtheartofdiscipline.Successfulpeoplejusthavebetterhabitsthantherest.Youareyourhabits.
Successfulpeopleareinthehabitofbeingdisciplined.Undisciplinedpeopleareinthehabitofbeingunsuccessful.
Somepeoplewakeupeachmorningandjuststaggerthroughtheday.Somepeoplewakeuptobesuccessful.
Whetheritissuccessinthebusinessworld,successinthespirituallife,orsuccessonthesportingfield,theprinciplesarethesame.Theapplicationoftheseprinciplestoanyperson’slifenecessarilybreedscharacterand,inturn—success,fulfillment,andhappiness.
Don’tbeadoperson,beabeperson.Youarenotahumandoing,youareahumanbeing.
YoumaydecidetorejectthevisionoflifeIamlayingbeforeyouinthisbook.That’sokay.Butregardlessofwhatyouchoosetoseekfromlife,whichrainbowyouchoosetochase,therewillbedifficulttimesthatwillputyoutothetest,and
youwillneedcourageandperseverancetoachieveyourgoalsanddreams.
Whatisitthatsetsmenandwomenofgreatachievementapartfromtherestofhumanity?WhatdoMahatmaGandhi,MartinLutherKingJr.,JohnF.Kennedy,WarrenBuffett,AlbertEinstein,JohnQuincyAdams,RonaldReagan,CharlieChaplin,MichaelJordan,LeonardodaVinci,Beethoven,MotherTeresa,andBillyGrahamallhaveincommon?Whatempowersthemtotouchandaffectsomanypeople’slives?Whatallowsthemtograspsuccessandreachlevelsofachievementthatformostpeoplearesimplyunfathomable?
Passion.Theyarepassionateaboutwhattheydo.Belief.Theybelieveinwhattheydo.Commitment.Theyarecommittedtowhattheydo.Courage.Inthefaceofsituationswhereotherpeoplewouldloseheart,theytakeheart.Perseverance.Throughthediscouragementoffailure,rejection,andcriticism,theypersevereandkeepatit,alwaysstayingfocusedontheirgoalanddream.
Passion,belief,commitment,courage,andperseverance.
Andsoitwillbewithyourlife.Therewillbetoughtimes—thereareforeveryone.Therewillbetimesoffearandtrembling.Therewillbetimesofdiscouragementanddisillusionment.Havecourage,smile,keepyourchinup,laughoften,bekindtoyourself,stayfocused,begraciousandappreciative,thinkhappythoughts,andcarryonregardless.
1.TheKnowledgePrinciple
RalphWaldoEmersononcewrote,“Whatliesbehindusandwhatliesbeforeusaresmallmatterscomparedwithwhatlieswithinus.”Shakespearecounseled,“Tothineownselfbetrue.”Socratesadvised,“Knowthyself.”
Lastingsuccess,fulfillment,andhappinessdependonself-knowledge.Thereisnogreaterpracticalwisdomthanknowledgeofself.Theknowledgeprincipleis,simply,“Knowyourself.”
Inourearlierdiscussions,wehaveaskedourselvesthesequestions:Whataremydreams?Whataremylegitimateneeds?Whataremydesires?Whataremytalents?Whatistherelationshipamongmyneeds,desires,andtalents?WhoamI?AmIevolvingintoabetterpersoneachday?Whataremyaddictions?WhichpathshouldItake?WhatstaramIfollowing?
Allofthesequestionsweredesignedtochallengeustoseektoknowourselvesalittlemore.Fromthisknowledgeofourselves,weareabletocreateandmaintainalifestylethatintimatelylinksourdreams,hopes,needs,desires,andtalents—whileatthesametimeleadingustochange,grow,develop,andbecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves.
Wisepeopleknowthemselvesandlivefromthatknowledge.IfIknowthattobehealthyandhappyIneedsevenhoursofsleepeachnight,andIsleepforonlyfive,Iamafool.Iamworsethantheignorantpersonwhocannotmaketheconnectionbetweenhislackofsleepandhispoorhealthandunhappiness.Ipossesstheknowledgebutdonotuseit.
ThereisaJapaneseproverbthatspeaksofthethreemostvaluablepossessionsinthislife.Thethirdisthesword,becauseitempowersyoutodefendyourselfandthoseyoulovefromintrudersandtyrants.Thesecondisthegem,becauseitempowersyoutobuyandtradeforthesatisfactionofyour
temporalneeds.ButtheJapanesebelievethemostvaluablepossessionisthemirror,becauseitempowersyoutoknowyourself.
Greatmenandwomenknowthemselves.Theyknowtheirstrengths,theirweaknesses,theirfaultsandfailings,theirflawsanddefects,theirtalentsandabilities,theirneedsanddesires,theirhopesanddreams,theirpotentialandpurpose.Fromthesepiecesofknowledgetheyweavealifeofbeautyandsplendor.“Knowyourself”isacharacterprincipleoflegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaints.
Fearholdsusback.Werefusetolookinthemirror,notalwaysphysically,butemotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Ihavehearditsaidthatanalcoholiccannotlookhim-orherselfintheeyeswhenlookinginthemirror.Wearescaredofwhatwewillfind.Sowethinkandtalkonlyofourgoodqualitiesandachievements,butindoingso,weshunsomeoflife’smostrewardingandfulfillinglessons.Ifonlywewouldtakeagoodlookateachofthemajorareasofourbeingeachday,wewoulddiscoverourdreams,hopes,needs,desires,talents,andpotential.Ifonlyweknewwhatweneeded,wewouldbeverywiseindeed.Butsooftenwerefusetolookatanythingbutourstrengthsanddesires.Weaknessandneedaremuchmorevaluablecompanionsandteachers.
Eachdayduringyoursacredhour,takethetimetomakeadailypersonalassessment.Askyourselfthedifficultquestions.Trytodiscoverwhatmakesyoufeelgoodaboutyourselfandwhatmakesyouhappy—notmomentarypleasures,butthetruepleasuresoflife,whichtastebetterandbetteraseachdaypasses.
Thethingsofthisworldcompeteforourallegiance.Tobetruetoyourself,youmustformanallegiancewiththethingsofthisworldonlyinasmuchastheyleadyoutowardyourcompletion,fulfillment,andperfection—pointB—tobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
Toknowone’sselfisaconstantandcontinualprocess.Observeyourself.Beaware.Watchyourselfinthemomentsoftheday.Listentoyourself.Noticehowyouactorreactincertainsituations.
Thefullnessoflifecomesfromknowingyourself—needs,desires,talents,strengths,weaknesses,limitations,andpotential—andlivingfromthewisdomofthisknowledge.
PerhapsyouarefamiliarwithLeonardodaVinci’sfamouspaintingTheLastSupper.LeonardowaslivinginMilanatthetimehepaintedit,andwhenhecommittedhimselftothatparticularcomposition,hedecidedhewantedtoapproachitinauniqueway.Hewantedtofindthirteenmentopose,oneforeachofthedisciplesandoneasJesus.HewantedeachofhismodelstolookexactlyasheenvisionedJesusandeachofthedisciplestohavelooked.Andsohissearchforthesemenbegan.
Onedaywhilehewassittinginchurch,thevoicesofthechoirweresoangelicthatheturnedaroundandlookedupintothechoirloft.Ashedid,hisgazefellupononeyoungmaninthechoir.HeperfectlymatchedhowLeonardohadvisualizedJesustolook.AfterchurchLeonardoapproachedtheyoungman,explainedhisproject,andinquiredastowhetherhewouldbeinterestedinposingforthepainting.Theyoungmanagreed,andthefollowingweekhespentfourdaysposingforLeonardoinhisstudioinMilan.
Leonardo’ssearchcontinued,andhequicklyfoundsomeonetoposeasPeter,Simon,andMatthew.WithinelevenmonthshehadfoundandpaintedallthepersonsinthesceneexceptforJudas.
LeonardocouldnotfindhisJudas.Helookedeverywhere.HewouldwalkthroughthestreetsofMilan,somedaysforendlesshours,searchingthenamelessfacesinthecrowdsforamanwhoembodiedhowheenvisionedJudastohavelooked.ElevenyearspassedinhissearchforJudaswhenhefinallyrealizedhehadbeenlookingforhisJudasinthewrongplaces.
Leonardothought,IfIamtofindamanwhohasthequalitiesandappearanceofJudas,Imustlookwheresuchmenaregathered.Withthatinmind,LeonardowenttotheprisonsinandaroundMilan,searchingforamanwithpainandangerinhiseyes,withharshimpatienceonhisface,withthescarsofprideandbitternessonhischeeks,andwiththemarksofbrokennessinhisfeatures—amanwholookedtohimlikeJudas.
Aftermanydaysandmanyprisons,hecameacrossthatman.Heexplainedtothemanwhathewasdoingandaskedhimifhewouldbewillingtoposeforthepainting.Theprisoneragreed,andLeonardomadearrangementsforhimtobebroughttohisstudioinMilanunderguard.
Thefollowingweekhewasbroughttothestudio,andLeonardobeganthe
finalstageofhiswork.Ashepainted,Leonardonoticedthattheprisonerwasgrowingmorerestlessanddistressed,evenbythehour.Leonardoobservedthatthemanwouldlookathim,andthenatthepainting,andeverytimeheseemedtobefilledwithacertainremorsefulsadness.
Bythemiddleofthesecondday,Leonardowassodisturbedbywhathewaswitnessinginhismodelthathestoppedworkandsaidtohim,“Istheresomethingwrong?Doyounotlikemywork?”Theprisonersaidnothing,andLeonardoinquiredoncemore,saying,“Youseemveryupset,andifIamcausingyoupaininanyway,perhapsweshouldstop.”Themanlookedatthemasterpainterandthenatthepaintingonemoretime.Ashisgazefellawayfromthepainting,heloweredhishead,liftedhishandstohisface,andbegantoweepinconsolably.
Afterseveralminutes,Leonardowasfinallyabletosettlehimdown.“Whatisit?”heasked.
Theprisonerlookedexpectantlyintotheartist’seyesandsaid,“Doyounotrecognizeme,master?”
Inconfusion,Leonardoreplied,“No,havewemetbefore?”
“Ohyes,”theprisonerexplained.“ElevenyearsagoIposedforyou,forthissamepainting,asthepersonofJesus.”
IneachofusthereisaJudasandaJesus.OurliveshereonearthareanincompleteworkunlesswecandiscovertheJudasandtheJesuswithinus.Wemustcometoknowourstrengthsandourweaknesses.ItisoftenveryeasytofindtheJesuswithinus.Toooftenweshrinkfromthetaskofexaminingourfaults.Yetitisonlybyknowingtheflawsanddefectsofourcharacterthatwecanbegintoworktoovercomethem.
Ourweaknessesarethekeystoourricher,moreabundantfuture.Ourstrengthsarealreadybearingthefruittheycan.Ourweaknessesaretheunfarmedlandsofourcharacter.Pulltheweedsfromthatland,tillthesoil,plantsomeseeds,andwewillyieldagreatharvest.
Mostpeopledon’twanttoknowabouttheirweaknesses.Thisisaclassicsignofmediocrity.Whiletherestofusarestandingaroundarguingforourweaknesses,tryingtoconvincepeoplethatourlackofcharacterisourcharacter,theheroes,leaders,legends,champions,andsaintswhofillthehistorybookswentlookingfortheirweaknesses.Theydidn’thidetheirweaknesses,andtheydidn’thidefromthem.Theywokeearlyeachmorningandwentouttofacethem,becausetheyknewtheirweaknesseswerethekeystotheirricher,moreabundantfuture.
Ifyouwantyourfuturetobebiggerthanyourpast,starttotransformyourweaknessesintostrengths.
AreyoupreparedtofacetheJudasinyou?
WhenGodwascreatingtheuniverse,someoftheangelswerediscussingwhereeachofthemfeltGodshouldhidethetruth.Oneangelsaid,“IthinkGodshouldhidethetruthattheverysummitofthehighestmountain.”Thenextproclaimed,“IthinkGodshouldhidethetruthattheverydepthsoftheocean.”Anothersaid,“No,IthinkGodshouldhidethetruthonthefartheststar.”
Godoverheardtheangelsandspokeup,saying,“Iwillhidethetruthinnoneoftheseplaces.Iwillhidethetruthintheverydepthsofeverymanandeverywoman’sheart.Thisway,thosewhosearchhumblyandsincerelywillfinditveryeasily,andthosewhodonotwillhavetosearchthewholeuniversebeforetheydo.”
Knowthyself;knowyourstrengthsandweaknesses;yourrelationtotheuniverse;yourpotentialities;yourspiritualheritage;youraimsandpurposes;takestockofthyself.
—SOCRATES
2.TheDreamPrinciple
Life,inasense,isalongsuccessionofchoicesanddecisions.Howdoyoumakeyourdecisions?Onwhatdoyoubaseyourdecisions?Doyouhaveaprocessthatyoutrustandusefaithfully?
Inasimilarsense,lifeismadeupofhopesanddreams.Youdreamthedreamsandyoumakethedecisions.Fromaninfinitenumberofpossibilitiesyoumustdecidehowtospendyourlife.Theformyourlifetakesdependsonthedecisionsyoumake.
Whatisdifferentaboutthewaylegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaintsmakedecisions?Whatistheirdecision-makingprocess?
Theyallowthemselvestodream.Theyimagineperfectcircumstances.Theyplacenolimitationsupontheirdecision-makingprocess.Theyask:Whatwouldbebest?WhatisthewillofGod?IfIcoulddoanything,whatwouldIdo?
Mostpeoplebasetheirdecisionsonthelimitedresourcesavailabletothematthepresentmoment.Forexample,Ralphisaseniorinhighschoolandwantstogotocollege.Thefirstquestionheaskshimselfis,“WhatcollegescanIafford?”Aftergatheringthatdata,hethenmakesadecisionbasedontheoptionsheperceivestobeavailabletohim.
Legends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaintsaskthemselves,“Whichcollegewouldbemostsuitedtomyneeds?Whichcollegewillmosthelpmegrowandbecomethe-best-version-of-myself?Whichcollegewillmostassistmeinthepursuitofmydreams?”Andbeforetheymakedecisions,theyemploythedreamprinciple—theydreamwithoutlimit.Theyremovethemselvesfromspaceandtime.Theyremovealllimitationfromtheinitialstageoftheirdecisionprocess.IftheydiscoverthatthebestcollegeforthemisYale,andthatYalecosts$20,000ayearmorethantheycanafford,theydon’tthrowoutthebest
option,theyfindawaytogetthemoney.Iftheyhaveonlya3.4grade-pointaverageandtogetintoYaletheyneeda3.7,theydon’tabandonthebestoptionandtheirdream.Theyfindaway.Theygotoanothercollegeforayearandincreasetheirgrade-pointaverage.
Thegreatpeopleofhistoryremovealllimitationfromtheirdreams,andoncetheyestablishtheirdream,theyseekitwithunrelentingenergy.
Donotdreamlikeabankmanager.Abankmanagertellsyouonlywhatyoucanaffordbasedonyourrealizedpotential.Thegreaterpartofallofusisourunrealizedpotential.Itistrue—physically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Donotlettheguardiansofthethresholdpreventyoufrommovingonandgraspingyourdreams.Donotlettheemotional,intellectual,andspiritualbankmanagersdiscourageyoufrombecomingthebetterpersonyouknowyoucanbe.
Tryalsonottoallowyourdreamsanddecisionstobeformed,affected,orguidedbyfear,anger,hatred,greed,orlust.Ittakescouragetodream,becausemostofushaveanawfulfearoffailure.Ourfearoffailureconfinesustothedimgraytwilightoflife.Weallowphraseslike“WhatifIfail?”and“Ican’tdoit”toinfectourinnerdialogue.
Thehumanspiritthrivesonvictory,growth,change,anddevelopment—andalloftheseinvolvemakingtheimpossiblepossible.EleanorRooseveltwrote,“Youmustdothingsyoucannotdo.Itstrengthenscharacter,buildscourageandstrength,confidenceandbelief.”
Columbus,Einstein,Edison,Rachmaninoff,HenryFord,theWrightBrothers—thedreamersofthedreams—madetheunknownknown,theimpossiblepossible.
Dreamwithoutlimits.
OnmydeskathomewhereIwrite,IhaveaphotographofmyselfwhenIwassevenyearsold.Itisalwaysamusingtowatchhowdifferentpeoplereacttothephotooncetheydiscoveritisnotmylittlebrotherornephew,butme.Someperhapsthinkmevainandegotistical.Somewonder,andothersask,“Why?”
Myseventhyearwasveryspecial.Itwastheyearthatsetthestagefortherestofmylife.ItwastheyearthatIlearnedlife’sfirstlesson.ItwastheyearIlearnedtolovelife.Ifyouhaveheardmespeak,youhaveperhapsheardmetellthisstory.Ifyouhavereadsomeofmyotherwritings,youhaveperhapsreaditinoneformoranother.IbegyourindulgenceasItellitoncemore.
Firstgradewasthebestandtheworsttwoyearsofmylife.Ididn’tseemtohaveanyfriends,andthoseIthoughtweremyfriendsseemedalwaystobemakingfunofme.Oneday,oneofthecoolkidscalledme“ugly,”andthatseemedtostickasanickname.Apartfromallthis,Ihadoneotherproblemthatwasseriouslytroublingme.
Weekafterweekinfirstgrade,IremembercomingtotheschoolgateonFridayafternoonsandfindingthreeorfourofmybrothersstandingaroundwaitingformymother.Theywerealwaysveryhappyandexcited,becauseonceagaintheschoolweekwasoverandtheweekendhadbegun.ButweekafterweekonFridayafternoon,Ifoundmyselfcomingtotheschoolgatesad.
IcanstillrecalloneFridayafternooninparticular.Theschoolbellrang,andeveryonerushedoutofclassandrantowardthegates.Igatheredmythingstogetherslowly,packedmyschoolbag,tidiedmydesk,andthendraggedmybagslowlytowardtheschoolgate,whereIfoundfourofmybrothers.Onceagaintheywereveryhappyandexcitedbecausetheweekendhadcomearound.ThatFridayafternoonIwasparticularlysad.
Iremembermymothercomingtopickusup.Weallwalkeddownthestreettowhereshehadparkedthecar,andaswegotcloseshetookourbagsfromusandputthemintheback.Onebyonewegotintothecar,andasIclimbedinIburstintotears.Ihadbeenholdingthetearsbackallafternoon,andIcouldn’tholdthembackanylonger.Mybrotherslookedatme,wonderingwhathadhappened,andwhenmymothersawmecrying,shesaid,“What’swrong?”
InfirstgradeonFridayafternoons,wehadourspellingtest.BetweensobsIexplainedtomymotherthatIhadfailedmyspellingtestagain.Ialwaysfailed.Icouldn’tspell.Thatdaymymothertookmehomeandheldmeinherarmsandsaid,“Everythingisgoingtobeallright.Wewillpracticeyourspellingandyouwillgetbetter.”
Thenmymothersaidtome,“Howmanydidyougetinyourspellingtest
today?”
Isaid,“Sixoutoftwenty.”
Mymumsaid,“That’sfine.Ifyougetsevennextweek,onFridayafternoonIwilltakeyoustraightfromschoolandbuyyouabigbarofchocolate.”
ThenextFridayIgotseven,andIgotmybarofchocolate.Inthefollowingweeks—eight,nine,ten…andmorechocolate.Twelve,fourteen,sixteen,andstillmorechocolate.Eighteen,nineteen,twenty…andevenmorechocolate.UntilfinallyIhaddevelopedaloveforchocolate…butIcouldspell.
Icouldspell.Ihadmadetheimpossiblepossible.IhadclimbedmyMountEverest,Ihadwalkedonthemoon,IhadwonmyOlympicgoldmedal.
Forme,attheageofseven,Ibelievedmychancesoflearningtospellwerelessthanmostpeople’schancesofclimbingMountEverestorwalkingonthemoon.Itjustseemedimpossible.Itwastoobig,andIwastoosmall.ButonthatdaywhenIfirstscoredtwentyoutoftwentyonmyspellingtest,IrealizedIhadachievedtheimpossible.Iwasn’tawareofitatthetime,butmylifechangedforeverthatday,andasthedaysandweekspassed,IdevelopedadeepbeliefthatIwascapableofanything.Ihadachievedtheimpossible,andimpossiblehadbeendeletedfrommyvocabulary.
Ibegantodreamwithoutlimits.
ThefollowingyearIrepeatedfirstgrade,madewonderfulfriends,continuedtodowellinspelling,andbegantoreallyenjoylife.Thejourneycontinues.Thatphotositsonmydesktoremindmeoffirstgrade,toremindmethatIamcapableofeventhethingsthatseemimpossible.
Itisthroughthemasteryofsmalldisciplinesthatwebecomecapableofgreaterthingsand,indeed,anything.
3.TheVisionPrinciple
Thevisionprinciplecannotbeputinwordsanybetterthanmygolfcoachusedtosayit:“Ifyoucan’tseetheshot,youcan’thittheshot.”
Ifthereissomethingyouwishtodoorbecomeinyourlifetime,createaplanfortheaccomplishmentofthatdream.Donotwaitaroundfoolishlybelievingthatonedaybysomecosmicwaveofeventseverythingwillbeperfectandyouraspirationswillachievethemselves.Theywon’t.
Godhasendowedusallinsomanydifferentways.Engageyourtalentsandabilities.
Goalsandplansbringoutthemostinthehumanspirit.
Leaders,legends,heroes,champions,andsaintsareinthehabitofconstantlyplanningandsettinggoals.Theyneverentertaintheillusionthattherewillbenoproblems.Whenproblemsandchallengesemerge,theyassessthemanddefinethemclearlyandprecisely.Thentheycreateaplantoovercomeoralleviatetheproblems,thuscreatingconfidenceandreducingfear.
Ifyouhaveaproblem,faceit.Ifyoudon’t,youempowertheproblemandparalyzeyourselfwithfear.
Ouressentialpurpose—tobecomethe-best-version-of-ourselves—providesanoverallvision,buteachareaofourlivesneedsaspecificvision.
Haveavision.
4.TheLifePrinciple
Asateenager,andsince,observingthelivesoflegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaints,Idiscoveredthatjustabouteverysingleoneofthemhas,orhad,whatIcallalifeprinciple.Alifeprincipleisonesentence,phrase,orideathatsumsupthefocusofaperson’slife.
Intheearly1980s,therewasapopularfilmtitledWallStreet.ItwasthestoryofGordonGecko,thebiggesttraderonWallStreet.Themovierevealsatrailofgreed,lust,lying,cheating,using,andinsidertrading.Gecko’slifeprinciplewas“Greedisgood.”
Intheearlierpartofthiscentury,ayoungwomanfromaverywealthyfamilylefthometojoinaconventtolivealifeofpoverty,chastity,andobedience.Butbeforetoolong,shebegantohearavoicewithinhercallinghertosomethingmore.Within,shefeltanunquenchableconcernforthepoorandsufferingoftheworld.Itbegansimplyasadesire.Ahealthydesire.Anobledesire.Adesiretohelpthepoor.Thisyoungwomanfeltaneedtoserveherneighbor.Shehadatalentsimplytoloveandupholdthedignityofthepoor.
In1997MotherTeresadied,leavingbehindalegacyofloveandserviceinalmosteverycountryaroundtheworld.Sheisaniconofcompassioninourage.MotherTeresa’slifeprinciplewas“TolivealifeofservicetoGodandneighborbycaringforthepoorestofthepoor.”
MotherTeresa’slifeprincipleconstantlychallengedhertobeabetterperson.Herlifeprincipleledhertofulfillherlegitimateneeds.Shediscoveredarhythmtolife,livedinaccordwiththatrhythm,anddevelopedintoanextraordinaryhumanbeing.
DidGordonGecko’slifeprincipleleadhimtobeabetterperson?
ThepeopleofagestocomemayfinditdifficulttobelievethatonesuchasMotherTeresaeverwalkedtheearthinfleshandblood.Shewasahero,ateacher,awarrior,aprophet,asaint,achampion,aqueen—andatremendoussuccessinherfield.MotherTeresaisalegend.Everythingshedidhelpedhertobecomethe-best-version-of-herself.
Thelivesofsuccessfulpeoplehavedirection.Theydonotreacttotheday-to-dayhappenings;rather,eachoftheirlivesisaconsciousaction,movingtowardaspecificallydefinedgoal,directedbyacarefullyconsideredphilosophy,whichissummarizedbyasingleprinciple—alifeprinciple.
Theirlifeprinciplebringsthemintofocus,keepsthemfocused,andprotectsthemfrombecomingdistracted.
Everyday,hundredsofoptionsexistforustoexpendourtime,effort,andenergy.Dozensofopportunitiesemergeintheday-todayhappeningsofourlivesthatdistractusfromwhatisreallyimportant.Successfulpeopledonotallowthesedistractionstotakeagripontheirlives.Ineachmomentofdecisionthroughouttheday,theycarefullyconsidertheopportunitybeforetheminrelationtotheirlifeprinciple.Theyconstantlyaskthemselves,“Willthishelpmeachievemygoal?”“WillthishelpmealongthepathtowardpointB?”Theyusetheirlifeprincipleastheirguideornavigator.Itbecomestheguidingprincipleoftheirlivesandtheanchoroftheirdreams.
Thewholeworldwillgetoutofthewayforsomeonewhoknowswhathewantsandwhereheisgoing.
AsIexplainedearlier,untilIwasnineteen,mygoalandambitionwassimplytoexcelinthebusinessworld,tomakealotofmoney,andtoenjoythethingsofthisworld.Butatnineteen,Godtouchedmylifeinaspecialway,openingmyeyes.ItwasatthattimethatIbegantoreallyreflectonlifeandtheworldinwhichwelive.ItwasatthattimethatIfirstbegantoreallyprayandmeditate.
Today,mylifeprincipleisthis:“Whoyoubecomeisinfinitelymoreimportantthanwhatyoudoorwhatyouhave.”Thisideabringsmetofocusonchange,growth,anddevelopment.Itchallengesmetodedicatemyeffortsandenergiestothoseactivitiesthatwillhelpmetobecomethe-best-version-of-
myself.Whenanopportunityemergesinmylife,Icanweighitsworthsimplybythisoneidea,thislifeprinciple,byaskingmyselfthesequestions:“Willthisopportunityhelpmetochange,develop,andgrow?”“WillIbecomeabetterpersonthroughthepursuitofthisopportunity?”“Willthisopportunityhelpmetofulfillmylegitimateneeds?”“IfIacceptthisopportunity,willIbefollowingmystar?”
Withoutthedirectionandguidancethatalifeprinciplebringstoourlives,wearelikeshipsheadedforshipwreck.Withoutafoundationalprinciple,wefindourselvesinthedarkandconfusingabyssofdecidingbasedupon“whatwefeellike”atanygivenmoment.Ourfeelingsaretransitoryandalwayschanging.Ifwemakeourdecisionsbaseduponourever-changingfeelings,ourliveswillhavenotheme,norhythm,nocontinuity,andnoconsistency.Wewilllosethethreadofourlives,wewillloseourownpersonalstory,andwewillbecomeinsane.Quiteliterally.
Weshoulddevelopthehabitofviewingourcurrentlifequestionsinrelationtoalifeprinciple.
Ourlifeprinciplebecomesthetoolforbringingfocustoourday.Itispractical,itiseffective,andthemorewestayfocusedonthisprinciple,themoreweareabletoattendtoourlegitimatephysical,emotional,intellectual,andspiritualneeds.Themoreweattendtotheselegitimateneeds,themoreweareenergized.Thisenergymaximizesourcapacityineachareaofourlives.Byplanningourdaysaccordingtoourlegitimateneeds,withtheguidanceanddirectionofthislifeprinciple,weknowwearedoingasmuchaswecanwithoutsacrificingtherhythm—andthereisacertainpeaceandliberationthatcomesfromthatknowing.
Alloftheseworktogethertocreateandformtherhythmoflife.Therhythmannihilatesrestlessnessbygivingbirthtobalance,harmony,andpeace.Itisaboutknowingourlimitsandneverexceedingthem—forourowngood.Itbeginsbyhavingagoal,afocus,afoundation,alifeprinciple.
Takeablanksheetofregularletter-sizepaperandasksomeonetoholditforyou,horizontally,bythelongends.Now,trytopunchaholeinit.Youcan’tdoit,canyou?
Okay!Nowthistime,takethesamepieceofpaperandasktheotherperson
toholditexactlythesameway,butinsteadoftryingtopunchaholethroughitwithyourfist,pokeaholethroughthesheetofpaperwithyourindexfinger.Whathappens?Yourfingergoesstraightthrough,yes?Focus.Focusachievesresultsinourlives.Thatiswhyweneedalifeprinciple.Itbringsfocustoourlives.
Crystallizeyourpurpose.Workoutwhatyourlifeprincipleisgoingtobe.Writeitdowninyourownwords.Adoptsomeoneelse’sifitseemsappropriate.Usemineifitworksforyou.Butwriteitdown,stickitonthewallnexttoyourbed,writeitinyourplanner,putitonthedashofyourcar,tapeittoyourwardrobedoor,putitonyourdesk,yourscreensaver,wherevernecessary.Putacopyofyourlifeprincipleeverywhere,untilitbecomessuchaconstantandhabitualpartofyourdailythoughtpatternsandprocessesthatyounolongerneedthevisualstimulation.
Remindyourselfofyourgoalineverywakingmomentofeveryhourofeveryday—that’swhatsuccessfulpeopledo.Theydreamthedream,definethedream,continuallyvisualizethedream—andtheyachievethedream.
Thenliveit.Allowyourlifeprincipletobecomethefoundationofallactivityinyourlife.Letitbecomeyourguideandadviserintimesofdecision,letitbecomeyourcomforterandassuranceintimesoffearanddoubt.Allowittoaffecteverydecisionandactionofyourday.Allowittobecomeyourlifeprinciple—thefoundationofallyouare,allyoudo,allyouhave,andofallyouarebecoming.
Onceyouhavedecideduponyourlifeprincipleyoucantestitbyaskingthesequestions:“Doesmylifeprinciplebuildmeupandmakememorefullyandperfectlymyself?”“Doesmylifeprincipleenrich,ennoble,andempowerme?”“WillithelpmetobecomethebetterpersonIknowIcanbe?”
Whoyoubecomeisinfinitelymoreimportantthanwhatyoudoorwhatyouhave.
5.TheThoughtPrinciple
Inmylateteenageyears,asIbegantoreflectonsomeoftheideasIamnowsharingwithyou,Isearchedforpracticalwaystocentermylifestyleonmylifeprinciple.Thisquestionbecamemytouch-stone:“WhatwillittaketodayformetobecomethebetterpersonIknowIcanbe?”
ThefirstthingIdidwaswritethisquestiondownonablankpieceofpaperandstickitonthewallnexttomybed.IdidthisbecauseIwantedthatquestiontobethefirstthingIsaweachday.IwantedittobethefirstthingIsaweachdaybecauseIwantedittobecomethethemeofmyday.
Haveyoueverwokenupwithasonginyourhead?Whathappens?Eventhoughyoudon’tlikethesong,youcan’tgetitoutofyourhead.Youfindyourselfhummingthesongallday.Youhatethesong,yetyoudiscoveryouknowallthewordstothesong.
Thereissomethingverypowerfulaboutthesefirstmomentsoftheday.Idon’tknowexactlywhy,butIknowtheyarepowerful.Thewisethingtodowouldbetoharnessthepowerofthatmoment.ThatiswhyIstuckthatquestionnexttomybed.
ThenIwroteitdownagain—“WhatwillittaketodayformetobecomethebetterpersonIknowIcanbe?”—andIstuckitonthemirrorinmybathroom.Iwroteitdownagainandstuckitonmyclosetdoor,onmydesk,onmyplanner,onthedashofmycar,onmyfridge…Iputiteverywhere.Why?Iwantedtoberemindedofmygoalineverywakingmomentofeveryhourofeveryday.Why?Thatishowthelegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaintsachievedalltheydid.
Idon’thavethosepiecesofpapereverywhereanymore,Ijustautomaticallythinkofthatquestion—“Whatwillittaketodayformetobecomethebetter
personIknowIcanbe?”—3,972timeseveryday.Ithasbecomeahabit.
Humanthoughtiscreative.Whatyouthink,becomes.Whatyouallowtooccupyyourmindformstherealityofyourlifeandaffectsthewholeworldforgenerationstocome.Thoughtdeterminesaction.Beforetoolong,youwillbelivingoutwhathasalreadyhappenedinyourmind.Goodorbad,everythinghappensinyourmindbeforeithappensinreality.Ifyoucancontrolwhathappensinyourmind,youcancontroleveryactionofyourlife.
Abasketballplayerstepsuptothefree-throwline.Thescoresaretied,thereisonesecondleftontheclock,itis3–3intheseries,theNBAchampionshipisatstake,andhehasoneshot.Ifheimagineshimselfmissingtheshot,whatwillhedo?Ofcourse,hewillmisstheshot.Thoughtdeterminesaction.Ifheimagineshimselfmakingtheshotfifteentimesandmissingitnineteentimes,whatwillhedo?Hewillmiss.Theactionsofourlivesaredeterminedbyourlast,mostdominantthought.
Yourfutureisforgedandyouractionsdeterminedbyyourmostdominantthoughts.
JackNicklausdidn’tthinkonlyoccasionallyaboutbeingagreatgolfer—itwashismostdominantthoughtforyears.CalRipkenJr.doesn’tthinkoccasionallyaboutbeingagreatbaseballplayer—itishismostdominantthought.Shakespearedidn’tthinkoccasionallyaboutbeingagreatwriter—itwashismostdominantthought.Michelangelodidn’tthinkoccasionallyaboutbeingagreatpainter—itwashismostdominantthought.FrancisofAssisididn’tthinkoccasionallyaboutthewonderofGodandHiscreation—itwashismostdominantthought.
Whatisyourmostdominantthought?Theanswertothatquestionwilltellyoualotaboutwhoyouareandwhatyouaredoingwithyourlife.Thethoughtprincipleis“Thoughtdeterminesaction.”
It’safunnythingaboutlife;
ifyourefusetoacceptanythingbutthebest,
youveryoftengetit.—SOMERSETMAUGHAM
6.TheDedicationPrinciple
Haveyouevergivenyourbest,yourall,toanything?Whatdoyouthinkwouldhappenifyoudid?
Lovedoesn’tcountthecost.TigerWoodslovesgolf.MichaelJordanlovesbasketball.MahatmaGandhilovedthepeopleofIndia.Beethovenlovedmusic.Michelangelolovedtopaint.Thelegends,heroes,leaders,champions,andsaintswhofillourhistorybookslovedwhattheydid.Peopleofthiscaliberdedicatetheirwholebeingtotheirpursuits.
Whatareyouwillingtodedicateyourselftocompletely?Whatareyouwillingtothrowyourwholeenergyinto?Whatareyouwillingtopursuewholeheartedly?
Dedicateyourselftobecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.Ineverythingyoudo,rememberyouressentialpurpose.Vieweverythinginrelationtobecomingyourbestself.Everythingmakessenseagainstthebackdropofthepurposeofourlives.Everythingfindsmeaninginrelationtoouressentialpurpose.
Loveyourselfbybecomingthe-best-version-of-yourself.
Dedicateyourselftochoosingthe-best-version-of-yourselfineverychoiceyoumake.I’veneverknownanyonemoreinlovewithlifethanthosewhoarededicatedtobeingalltheycanbe.
Thisisthededicationprinciple:“Inordertolovewhatyoudo,youmustdowhatyoulove.”
7.TheBeliefPrinciple
Welivebyfaith.Whetherweareabletorecognizeitornot,thisisauniversaltruth.Somepeoplesaythattheydon’tbelieveinanything,buttheybelieveintheirbeliefthattheydon’tbelieveinanything.
Withoutfaithwewouldbedriventothedepthsofdespair.
Inmanyways,ourfaithissohabitualthatweareunawareofit.Everydayyougetintoyourcaranddrivedownthestreet.Youhavefaiththattheothercarswillstayontheirsideoftheroad.Itisn’tanactoffaiththatyouremindyourselfofeverytimeyougetintoyourcar.Butwithoutthatfaithyouwouldbedrivenmadbytheanxietythattheothercarsweregoingtobreachtheirboundaryandcomecrashingintoyou.
Beyondourbeliefinideasandotherpeopleisourbeliefinourselves.Someofusbelievethatweareworthyoflove,andothersbelievethattheyarenot.Inbothcases,ourbeliefslimitorcreateourexperienceoflife.Somepeoplebelievethattheyareworthyofotherpeople’stimeandattention,andothersdonot.Bothbelieve.Theyjusthavedifferentbeliefs.Andinbothcases,thebeliefdeterminesthereality.
Youarehereforsomereason.Youhavebeenborntoliveonelife.Outoftheinfinitepossiblelivesyoucouldconstructoutoftheopportunitiesthatwillpresentthemselvestoyou,youmustchooseyouronelife.
Youhavebeencreatedforsomespecificwork.Nobodyelsehasbeenentrustedwithyourroleinhumanhistory.Ifyoudonotplayyourpart,youpartwillgounplayed.
Fosterthebeliefthatyouwerebornforareason…andwitheverypassingdayyouwillbegintoseethereasonunfoldingbeforeyoureyes.
Godandtheuniverseareconspiringtobringyouintouchwithallthecircumstancesnecessarytodiscoverandcelebrateyourgenius.Allyouhavetodoisprepareyourselfandcooperatebychoosingthe-best-version-of-yourselfinthemomentsofeachday.
ThiswasAlbertEinstein’sreflection:“Therearetwowaystolivelife.Oneisasthoughnothingisamiracle.Theotherisasthougheverythingisamiracle.”
Thechoiceisyours.
Thisisthebeliefprinciple:“Youwerecreatedforapurpose,andeverythinghappensforareason.”
Benotafraidoflife.
Believethatlifeisworthliving,
andyourbeliefwillhelpcreatethefact.WILLIAMJAMES
8.ThePeoplePrinciple
Ibelieveoneofthegreatestproblemsinrelationshipstodayiscausedbyasimplemodernfallacy.Inourage,understandingisposedasthefoundationofrelationship.Itisnot.Thefoundationofrelationshipisacceptance.
Itisagreatwisdomtoacceptpeoplewheretheyareonthejourney.Acceptanceisthewelcomingopenarmsofrelationship.
Thepeopleprincipleis,“Peopledeservetobecherished.”
Inordertocherishpeople,wemustlookbeyondourpersonalpreferences,prejudices,andjudgmentalinclinationstodiscoverandreverencethewonderandmarveloftheindividual.
Itishelpfultorememberthatweareallatdifferentpointsalongthepath.Ourabilitytoloveandcherishpeopleincreasesinfinitelyaswelearntoacceptpeopleforwhotheyareandwheretheyareontheirownjourney.Somepeopleareatplacesweourselveshavebeenbefore,othersareinplaceswehavenotyetbeen.Itisajourney—trustthatthesameGodwhoismovingyoutowardyourpurposeanddreamsismovingthemtowardtheirs.Evenwhenyoucannotunderstandpeople,acceptthem,cherishthem.
Alongtheway,youwillmeetmanypeople.Someofthemyouwillhelp,assist,advise.Otherswillhelp,assist,andadviseyou.Ithasbeenmyexperiencethatwhenyouthinkyouaretheretohelpsomeoneelse,chancesaretheyarereallytheretohelpyou.Ourstudentsmakethebestteachers.
Withoutthehelpofothers,youwillnevermakethejourney.Itissimplypartofthedivineplanthatwemakethisjourneytogether.
ItisafunnythingIhaveobservedaboutlife—mistakesarealmostalways
andinevitablyone’sownresponsibility,butone’ssuccesses,triumphs,andworthwhileachievementsarerarelyaccomplishedwithoutthehelpofothers.
Thegreatestbarriertolovingpeople,tocherishingpeople,andtoacceptingpeopleisourinabilitytoseeourselvesinthem.Takeacloserlook.Weareone.Toseeourselvesinothersandothersinourselves—thatiswisdom.
Myfatheralwaystoldmethatthekeytosuccessinbusinessispersonalrelationships.Mymotheralwaystoldmethatthekeytoarichandrewardingpersonallifeispersonalrelationships.Ihavediscoveredthatthekeytoanabundantspirituallifeispersonalrelationship.
Lifeisrelationship.
Howareyourelating?Howareyourrelationships?
Peopleareagift.Eachpersonwhocrossesthroughyourlifeisachancetolove,achancetoreallylive.Cherishpeople.
9.TheCommunicationPrinciple
Thecommunicationprincipleis,“Beclear,concise,open,andhonest.”
Communicationisanart.Ihaveseensomegreatcommunicatorsatwork.ThesearesomeofthelessonsIhavelearned:Letotherstalk.
Avoidarguments.
Don’tcomplain.
Givehonestandsincerecompliments.
Bemorereadytocomplimentthantocriticize.
Inviteinput.
Makeapointtorememberpeople’snames;itismusictotheirears.
Neverbeafraidtoseekadvice.
Nevercriticizesomeoneinfrontofotherpeople.
Beawareofotherpeople’sdesires.
Findjoyandpleasurethroughtakinganinterestinpeople.
Talkaboutyourselfonlyifasked.
Smile—itiscontagiousandopenspeople’shearts.
Learntolisten.
Rememberpeople’sbirthdaysandanniversaries—itshowsyoucare.
Encouragepeopletoshareaboutthemselves.
Engagepeoplewheretheyare—talkinrelationtotheirinterests.
Helpotherpeopletodiscovertheiruniqueness,tofeelspecialandimportant,withoutpatronizingthem.
Respectotherpeople’sopinions.
Admitwhenyouarewrong.
Bekindandfriendlytoeverypersonyoumeet.
Askquestionspeoplerespondtopositively.
Encourageotherpeopleintheirdreams—particularlychildren.
Trytoseeitfromtheotherperson’spointofview.
Holdupideals.
Challengepeoplegently.
Talkaboutyourownfailures.
Appealtohighermotives.
Alwayslookforyourselfinothersandothersinyourself—itaffirmstheonenessofthehumanfamily.
Affirmthehighestvaluesofthehumanspirit.
Neverpassupanopportunitytospeakakindwordofappreciation.Thereare6billionpeopleontheplanet,and5.9billonofthemgotobedeverynightstarvingforonehonestwordofappreciation.
10.TheFinalPrinciple
Itisalongjourney.Somemakeit,andothersfallbythewayside.Wealllovethebeautyofthediamond,butweforgetthetimeandpressureittooktomakeit.Alongthewaywebecomediscouraged.Itseemstoohard.Itisn’t.Itseemsimpossible.Itisn’t.
Therewillbesetbacksandfailures.Winnersareinspiredbyfailure.Losersareafraidofanddiscouragedbyfailure.Inthewakeoffailure,winnerswanttodomore,tobemore,todoabetterjobnexttime.Whenfacedwithfailure,losersbecomeoverwhelmedbythefearofgreaterfailure.Theyallowthatfeartosmotherthemandintheprocessachievewhattheywantedtoavoid—agreaterfailure.Thegreatestfailureistonottry.
Therearealwaysplentyofreasonstogiveup.Thinkofreasonsnottogiveup,tostaystrong,tostayfocused,andtopersevere.
Onceyousetyourselfatsomething,keepyoureyeonyourgoalandemploythefinalprinciple:“Nevergiveup!”
IfthereeverwasataleofAmericanleadershipandperseverance,itisthatofAbrahamLincoln.Lincolnwasbornintopovertyin1809.
Throughouthislifehecontinuallyfacedsetbacksanddefeats.Hetwicefailedinbusiness,losteightelections,andsufferedanervousbreakdown.
Defeatandfailurewereoftenbeckoninghim,invitinghimtoquit,butherefusedthatinvitation,andhisstoryisoneofextraordinaryperseverance.Thisisasketchofhislife:
In1816,Lincoln’sfamilywasforcedoutoftheirhome,andhehadtogotoworktosupportthem.
In1818,hismotherdied.
In1831,hefailedinbusiness.
In1832,heranfortheIllinoisHouseofRepresentativesandlost.
In1832,helosthisjob.Laterthatsameyear,hedecidedhewantedtogotolawschool,buthisapplicationwasrejected.
In1833,Lincolnborrowedsomemoneyfromafriendtobeginabusiness,butbytheendoftheyearhewasbankrupt.Hespentthenextseventeenyearspayingoffthatdebt.
In1834,heranforstatelegislatureagainandlost.
In1835,Lincolnwasengagedtobemarried,buthisfiancéediedanditbrokehisheart.In1836,Lincolnsufferedatotalnervousbreakdownandwasconfinedtohisbedforsixmonths.
In1838,hesoughttobecomeSpeakerofthestatelegislatureandwasdefeated.
In1840,hesoughttobecomeelectorandwasdefeated.
In1843,heranforCongressandlost.
In1846,heranforCongressagain;thistimehewonandfinallymadehiswaytoWashington.
In1848,LincolnranforreelectiontoCongressandlost.
In1849,hesoughtthejoboflandofficerbutwasrejected.
In1854,heranforSenateoftheUnitedStatesandlost.
In1856,hesoughtthevicepresidentialnominationathisparty’snationalconvention.Hegotfewerthanonehundredvotesandlost.
In1858,heranfortheUnitedStatesSenateagainandlostagain.
Then,in1860,Lincolndecidedtorunforpresident….
Imean,basedonwhat?
Histrackrecord?
HewonandwentontobecomeoneofthegreatestpresidentsinthehistoryoftheUnitedStatesandoneofthefinestmodelsofleadershipinmoderntimes.Inaspeech,Lincolnsaid,“Thepathwaswornandslippery.Myfootslippedfromunderme,knockingtheotheroutoftheway,butIrecoveredandsaidtomyself,‘It’saslipandnotafall.’”
I’vemissedmorethanninethousandshotsinmycareer,I’velostmorethanthreehundredgames,andtwenty-sixtimesI’vebeentrustedtotakethegame-winningshotandmissed.ThroughoutmylifeandcareerI’vefailed,andfailed,andfailedagain.Andthat’swhyIsucceed.
—MICHAELJORDAN
TheTenPrinciplesofExcellence
Tenprinciples.DoMichaelJordan,JackNicklaus,andCalRipkenJr.employtheseprinciples?Yes,absolutely.DidShakespeare,Beethoven,andMichelangeloemploytheseprinciples?Yes,withoutadoubt.DidFrancisofAssisiandMotherTeresaemploytheseprinciples?Yes,unquestionably.Didtheirsuccessmanifestindifferentways?Certainly.Weretheirachievementseachuniqueanddifferent?Theywere.Buttheprinciplesthatwefindatthecoreoftheirsuccessarethesame.
PartSeven
LivingtheLifeYouWereBorn
toLive
EnjoytheJourney
Oneofourgreatestfailingsashumanbeingsisourinabilitytobepresentinourownlives.Itmaysoundabsurd,butitistrue.Letmeexplain.Howoftendoyoufindyourselfinthecompanyofaperson,eveninthemiddleofaconversationwithaperson,yetarethinkingaboutotherpeopleandplaces?Often,wearedistractedbythepastandthefuture.Thosedistractionsrobusofourlives.Thepastishistory.Thefutureisamirage.Thepastwasthepresent.Thefuturewillbethepresent.Theonlyrealityisnow.
Theotherwaythisfailingmanifestsitselfisinourtendencytoputoffimportantmatters.Wetellourselves,“WhenIgetthatpromotion,Iwillspendmoretimewithmywifeandchildren,”or,“Iwillexercisenextweek,whenIhavethisprojectoutoftheway.”Eachactivityhasitsownpriorityandplaceinourlives,whetheritiswork,prayer,leisure,exercise,orfriendship.Therhythmoflifehelpsustogiveeachactivityitsownplace—everyday—andimmersesusintheabundantlife.
OverandoverIhavewatchedinterviewersaskfamousandsuccessfulpeople,“Whatwouldyouchangeifyoucoulddoitallagain?”Somanyofthemreplybysayingtheywouldenjoytheirrisetofameandsuccessalittlemoreiftheyhadanotherchance.Butyouneverhearthemsay,“Iwouldworkharderandspendlesstimewithmyfamilyandfriends.”JustlastyearIsawaninterviewwithBillyGraham.Theinterviewconcentratedmostlyontheworksandachievementsofhislife,buttowardtheendtheinterviewerasked,“Whatwouldyoudodifferentlyifyouhadtodoitagain?”
ThechangethatcameoverBillyGraham’sfeaturesIhaveneverseenbefore.TheinterviewerhadaskedoneofthosequestionsthatIsupposeallinterviewersdreamofasking.Aquestionthatinvitesthehostandhisaudienceintothedeepestrecessesoftheguest’sheart.Itwasasthoughaveilhadbeentornaway.TheexpressiononGraham’sfacewasoneofknowing,anditlingeredtherefora
longmoment.Hepaused,nottothinkhowtoanswer,buttopullhimselftogether.Itwasobvioushehadaskedhimselfthesamequestionbefore.Helookeddown,swallowed,thenlookedbackupagainandsaid,“Iwouldspendmoretimewithmyfamily.”
Lifeisajourney.Enjoythejourney.Whetheryouaresettingouttobecomealegend,ahero,achampion,astar,aleader,orasaint—enjoythejourney.Ifyoudonotenjoylife,youwillbenogoodtoanybody.Thedestination,thevictory,theachievement—theselastonlyamoment,andthentheyfadelikethemorningdewfromthegrassintolittlemorethanpleasantmemories.
Successisnotadestination—itisajourney.
Anotherofmyfavoritesongwriters,JamesTaylor,oncewrote,“Thesecretoflifeisenjoyingthepassingoftime.”Thejoyisnotinthedestination;thejoyisinthejourney.Ifyoucannotfindpeaceinthejourney,youwillnotfindpeaceinthedestination.Ourpassion,enthusiasm,andexcitementshouldbeforthejourney.Don’tputoffimportantthingsusingadestination,oranachievement,asanexcuse.Takeiteasy.Slowandsteady.Letthingshavetheirplace.
Bepresentinyourownlife.Itisanamazingandraregift.Whenyoumeetapersonwhohasthisgift,thereisnomistakingit.Peoplewhoarepresenttotheirownliveshavethisstrikingabilitytofocusonwhoandwhatisbeforethem.Theygivethepeopleandthemattersathandtheircompleteandundividedattention.Whenyoustandbeforesuchapersoninconversation,heisabletomakeyoufeelasifnooneelseexists.Itisjustyouandhim.Thenoisearoundyou,thepeoplearoundyou,eveninrushhouronMadisonAvenue,donottakeevenabreathofhisattentionfromyouandtheconversation.Forthosefewmoments,itisasifnothingelseexists.Forthosefewmoments,youarehislife.Togivehisattentiontoanythingelsewouldbetomisssomethingofhisownlife.Oftenwedo.
RobertHastingssumsitupperfectlyinhisstory“TheStation.”Letmeshareitwithyou:
Tuckedawayinoursubconsciousisanidyllicvision.Wesee
ourselvesonalongtripthatspansthecontinent.Wearetravelingbytrain.Outthewindowswedrinkinthepassingscenesofcarsonnearbyhighways,orchildrenwavingatacrossing,orcattlegrazingonadistanthillside,orsmokepouringfromapowerplant,orrowuponrowofcornandwheat,offlatlandsandvalleys,ormountainsandrollinghillsides,orcityskylinesandvillagehalls.
Butuppermostinourmindsisthefinaldestination.Onacertaindayatacertainhourwewillpullintothestation.Bandswillbeplayingandflagswaving.Oncewegettheresomanywonderfuldreamswillcometrueandthepiecesofourliveswillfittogetherlikeacompletedjigsawpuzzle.Howrestlesslywepacetheaisles,damningtheminutesforloitering—waiting,waiting,waitingforthestation.
“Whenwereachthestation,thatwillbeit!”wecry.“WhenIam18.”“WhenIbuymynew450SLMercedes-Benz!”“WhenIputthelastkidthroughcollege.”“WhenIgetapromotion.”“WhenIreachtheageofretirement,Ishalllivehappilyeverafter!”
Soonerorlaterwemustrealizethereisnostation,nooneplacetoarriveatonceandforall.Thetruejoyoflifeisthetrip.Thestationisonlyanillusion.Itconstantlyoutdistancesus.
“Relishthemoment”isagoodmotto.EspeciallywhencoupledwithPsalm118:24:“ThisisthedaywhichtheLordhasmade;letusrejoiceandbegladinit.”Itisn’ttheburdensoftodaythatdrivemenmad.Itistheregretsoveryesterdayandthefearoftomorrow.Regretandfeararetwinthieveswhorobusoftoday.
Sostoppacingtheaislesandcountingthemiles.Instead,climbmoremountains,eatmoreicecream,gobarefootmoreoften,swimmorerivers,watchmoresunsets,laughmore,andcryless.Lifemustbelivedaswegoalong.Thestationwillcomesoonenough.
BetheDifferenceThatMakestheDifference
Whatdoallgreatmenandwomeninhistoryhaveincommon?Whatraisesapersonbeyondsuccess,achievement,andexcellencetotherealmofgreatness?Greatnessisattainedbeyondthepursuitofourownfulfillment.Truegreatnessisachievedbymakingadifferenceinotherpeople’slives.Whatmovesapersonfromsuccesstosignificance?Makingadifferenceinthelivesofotherpeople.
Historyisfullofexamplesofgreatmenandwomen,butwemustbecarefulnottoconfusegreatnesswithfameorfortune.Fameandfortuneareexternalqualitiesofaperson’slife.Greatnessisaninternalqualityofaperson’scharacter,whichemergesinhisorheractions.
SomeexamplesthatreadilycometomindarepeoplelikeGandhi,HelenKeller,MartinLutherKing,MotherTeresa,andJesus.Butmostofthepeoplewhohavedevelopedandmasteredthisgreatnessofwhichwespeakarenotpublicfiguresorcelebrities.Theyaremothersandfathers,teachersanddoctors,preachers,rabbis,ministers,priests…Theyarepeoplefromallwalksoflifewhoturntheirtalents,efforts,andenergiestowardtheupliftingofotherpeople.Theymakeadifferenceinotherpeople’slives.Whenyoumeetsuchaperson,youseeacertaincalminhereyesandsheseemstobeunusuallyhappy.Sheisquietlyconfidentandoccupiedwithaserenesatisfaction.
Thereisnogreatersatisfactionthanlayingyourheadonthepillowatnightandknowingyouhavetouchedanotherperson’slife,madehisburdenlighter,taughthersomeinfinitewisdom,madehimlaugh,allowedhertocryonyourshoulder,lenthimanunderstandingear…madeadifference.
OneofmyfavoritechildhoodmovieswasWillyWonkaandtheChocolateFactory.ItisthestoryofMr.Wonka,themostsuccessfulandfamouscandymakerintheworld,andhissearchtofindsomeonetocontinuehisworkwhenheisgone.Wonkaplacesfivegoldenticketsrandomlyinsidecandybarsandannouncesacontest.Eachpersonwhofindsagoldenticketwillwinaone-daytouroftheWonkaChocolateFactory—whichnoonehasbeeninsidefortwentyyears—andalifetimesupplyofchocolate.
Charlie,thechildofasinglemotherinEngland,dreams,wishes,prays,andhopesthathewillfindoneofthefivegoldentickets.Buthisfamilyisdesperatelypoor,andhehasnomoneytobuychocolatebars.Onedayonhiswayhomefromschool,Charliefindssomemoneyinthestreet,buystwoWonkabars,andfindsthefifthandfinalgoldenticket.
Thenextday,Charlieandfourotherchildrenfromaroundtheworld,eachwithacompanionofhisorherchoice,enterintothemysteriousandmagicalworldoftheWonkaChocolateFactory.CharlieaskshisgrandpaJoetogowithhim,andtheysetoffonanadventuretoliveoutCharlie’swildestdream.
Theotherfourgoldenticketwinnersarefatallyflawedwithlargedosesofselfishness,andonebyonetheyfindthemselvesleavingthetourofthefactoryprematurely.ButCharlieisgentle,kind,andthoughtful.
Wonkatakesthemfromonewonderfulexhibitiontoanother,showingthemallthewondersofhiscandy-makinggeniusandimagination.BeforelongitisjustCharlie,GrandpaJoe,andWonkaleftonthetour—butastheycomeoutoftheWonka-VisionStudio,Mr.Wonka’stoneandmoodchangedramatically.HebidsCharlieandhisgrandfatherfarewellandasksthemtoshowthemselvesout.Andwiththat,Wonkadisappearsintohisoffice.
Standingattheofficedoor,CharlielooksatGrandpaJoe.Dumbfounded,hesays,“Whathappened?Didwedosomethingwrong?”
“Idon’tknow,butI’mgonnafindout,”GrandpaJoerepliesashestormsintoWonka’soffice.
Mr.Wonka’sofficeisjustasmagicalasanyotherroominthefactory.Everythingisinhalves—halfadesk,halfaclock,halfapicture,halfastatue,halfamirror…GrandpaJoesaystoWonka,whoissittingathisdesk,writingaletter,“Whataboutthechocolate?ThelifetimesupplyofchocolateforCharlie!”
“Hedoesn’tgetany,”Wonkarepliesspitefully.
Mr.WonkaappearstobecomequiteangryandbeginstoexplainwhyitisthatCharliegetsnochocolate.HegoestothefilingcabinetandtakesouthalfaphotocopyofthecontractCharlieandtheotherchildrenhadsignedatthebeginningofthetourandhalfamagnifyingglass.WonkayellsatGrandpaJoe,explainingthatbecausetheydrankfizzyliftingdrinkstheyhadviolatedthecontractandthatCharliewasnolongereligibleforthelifetimesupplyofchocolate.“You’reacrook,acheat,aswindler,”accusesGrandpaJoeasheturnstoleave.
Thisiswheretheplotthickens.InCharlie’spocketisoneEverlastingGobstopper,whichWonkahadgivenhimduringthetour.ItistheveryGobstopperthatWonka’srival,Mr.Slugworth,hadaskedCharlietogetforhiminexchangeformoremoneythanhecouldearnintenlifetimes.
Astheyleavetheoffice,GrandpaJoesaystoCharlie,“IfSlugworthwantsanEverlastingGobstopper,that’sjustwhathe’llget.”
Withthat,Charliestops,takesGrandpaJoe’shandoffhisarm,turnsaround,andwalksbackintotheoffice,whereWonkaisstillsittingathisdesk,writing.Fromhispocket,CharlietakestheEverlastingGobstopperandsays,“Mr.Wonka!”asheplacesitonthedesk.Withoutanotherword,heturnsaroundandbeginstowalkslowlyfromtheoffice.
Wonkadoesn’tlookup,andhedoesn’tlookattheEverlastingGobstopper.Hedoesn’thaveto.Heknowswithoutlooking.HejustreachesacrossthedeskandgraspstheGobstopperandwhispersgently,“Andsoshinesagooddeedinawearyworld.”
Withgreatexcitement,Wonkaswingsaround,callsCharlieback,andexplainsthatitwasatesttoseeifhewouldbetrayhispromisenevertoshowtheEverlastingGobstoppertoanyone—andthatCharliehaspassed,andwon,andthatnowheisgoingtogiveCharliethechocolatefactory.
IcannotdescribetoyouthejoyIfeltasachildeachtimeCharlietooktheEverlastingGobstopperfromhispocketandplaceditonthedesk.IfeelthesamejoyeventodaywhenIwatchthemovie.Itisintense.It’sexhilarating.Hisinnocence,Isuppose,hishonesty,hissincerityandintegrity—allsymbolsofhopeforawearyworld.
“Andsoshinesagooddeedinawearyworld.”Thisiswhatourworldneeds.Itiswhatweneed.Itiswhatmakestheworldajoytolivein.Itiswhatfillsuswithatangiblesenseofourownworthandwealth.
Oureveryactionisanopportunitytocarrythetorchofhopetoanoftenwearyworld.Eachdayisfilledwithendlesspossibilitiestomakeadifference.Itdoesn’ttakemuch,foritreallyisawearyworldforsomanypeople.Itisaworldfullofpeopledesperatelyhungryforsincerity,honesty,andgoodness.Mostofthemaremenandwomenjustlikeyouandme.Theydon’thavethepowertochangetheworldsingle-handedly,sotheythinkchangemustbesomeoneelse’sresponsibility.Thetruthis,noonehasthepowertochangetheworldsingle-handedly,buteachofushasthepowertomakeadifference.
Ideaschangetheworld.Goodideaschangeitforthebetter.Badideaschangeitfortheworse.Menandwomensharetheirideasthroughtheirwordsandactions.Whatideasareyousharingwiththeworld?
Charliesharedtheideathathonesty,integrity,andgoodnessaremoreimportanttoaperson’shappinessthanmoney.Asachild,IwatchedthatmovieandIwantedtobelikeCharlie.Inmychildhood,Ididn’tunderstanditasIdonow.Thatdidn’tmatter.Iknewthathisdeedwasgoodandtrue,andIwantedtobelikeCharlie,andthatwasenough.Throughhisaction,Charliesharedhisidea—andideasarecontagious.
Ideaschangetheworldoftodayandformtheworldoftomorrow.
Makeadifference.Itisnotthathard.Makeahabitofmakinganotherperson’sday.Everyday.
Haveyoueverreceivedanunexpectedletter?Ilovetoreceiveletters,andIamfortunatetoreceivemany,everyday,frompeopleallaroundtheworld.TheycomefromfamilyandclosefriendsandalsofrompeopleIhavenevermet.It’sawonderfulfeelingtoreceiveanunexpectedletter—theexcitementteeteringonimpatienceasyouopentheenvelope.Yetformostpeopleitisararejoy.
Doyourememberthelasttimeyoureceivedanunexpectedletter?Itwasawonderfulexperience,wasn’tit?Doyourememberthefeeling?Diditmake
yourday?
Writeone.Writeanunexpectedlettertoday.Writealettertoanoldfriendwhomyouhaven’tseeninyearsortosomeoneyoulovewhomyouhaven’twrittentoinawhile.Itisn’tthathard;itdoesn’ttakethatmuch.Writeashortnoteonasmallpieceofpaper,putitinanenvelope,addresstheenvelope,andtakeitdowntoyourpostoffice.Itwillcostyouthepriceofapostagestampandfiveminutesofyourtimetomakesomeone’sday.
Orwhenwasthelasttimeyouboughtsomeoneaboxofchocolatesorabunchofflowers?Notbecauseit’ssomeone’sbirthdayoranniversaryorforanyreasonotherthantobrightenuphisorherday.Whenwasthelasttimeyoubakedsomeonesomechocolate-chipcookies?
Whenwasthelasttimeyousatdownthepeopleyouloveandtoldthemofyourloveforthem?It’sbesttoexpressitinyouractions,butitdoesn’thurttosayit.Perhapsyouaremarried.Whenwasthelasttimeyoutoldyourspousehowmuchheorshemeanstoyou?Whenwasthelasttimeyousatyourhusbandorwifedownandsaid,“Youknow,forme,youaresun,rain,fire,ice,NewYork,L.A.,andeverytownalongtheway”?Itdoesn’ttakethatmuch,butitmakesadifference.
Whisper,“Iloveyou,”inyoursleepingchild’sear.
Thesethingsmayseemsimpleandexternal,buttheyreflectamuchdeeperqualityinaperson.Spiritually,westrivetobepatientbecauseGodispatient,weseektobekindbecauseGodiskind,wetrytobehumbleandgentlebecausetheyarethewaysofGod,weseektoloveandbelovedbecauseGodislove.
Yetaboveeverythingelse,beyondeverythingelse,beforeeverythingelse,aftereverythingelse,andduringeverythingelse—Godisagiver.Godalwaysgives.Henevertakes.Heonlygives.Alwaysgiving.GivingisGod’slifeandexistence.ForGod,givingistheperpetualmotionofHisbeing.Thatiswhytogiveaboxofchocolatesorabunchofflowers,ortotaketimetowritealetter,isanactofgreatness.ItisanactofgreatnessbecauseitisanactthatemergesfromtheheartandmindofGod.Ifallouractionscouldbeperformedwiththisdisposition,wewouldbelivinglifetothefullest.
Ipromiseyouwithabsolutecertitudethatthereisnofaster,surerwaytoshareinthelife,thepower,andtheinfinitejoyofGodthantogive.
Giveofyourtime,giveofyourtalents,andgiveofyourresourcestomakeadifferenceinotherpeople’slives.Itisthewayofgreatness.ThisisthewayofGod.Itisthewayoflegends,heroes,stars,champions,leaders,andsaints.Ihopeandpraythatitbecomesyourway,andmine.
Asachild,myfatherusedtotellme,“Whateveryougivetoanotherwillreturntoyoutentimes.”Lifehastaughtmethat,likesomanythingsmyfathersaidtome,itisawiseandtruestatement.AnothersayingIrecallfrommychildhoodis“Yougetwhatyougive.”Whenyourefusetogive,holdingontightlytoeverythingyouhave,youliveintherealmoflackandlimitation.Whenyougive,youperformasignificantandvitalattitudechange.Bygiving,youexpressabundance—andwhatyouexpressinthought,word,andactionwillbecometherealityofyourlife.Here,veiledmysteriouslybytheactofgiving,wediscovertheabundantlife.
Whenyougivetoassistinsomeoneelse’sneed,youlearnveryquicklythatthesatisfactionofgivingisgreaterthanthesatisfactionofhaving.
Astimegoesby,yourealizethatmanyofthethingsyouoncethoughtyouneeded,youdon’treallyneed.Withthisrealizationofyourownabundance,youareabletogivemore.HaveyounoticedthatalthoughGodisalwaysgiving,Heisneverwithout?Godisnotlackorlimitation—Godisabundance.ForGod,givingislikebreathing—letitbecomesoforyouandforme,andourliveswillbefullofexcitement,passion,satisfaction,contentment,andfulfillment.
Otherwisewewillbecomelikethemonkeywhorealizedonedaythathismasterhadleftthelidoffthepeanutjar.Themonkeywaitedforhismastertoleavethehouseforhisafternoonwalk.Whenthemasterleft,themonkeyjumpedontothetablewherethejarwas,onlytorealizethatthejarwasonlyhalf-fullandtootallforhimtoreachthepeanuts.Themonkeyknockedoverthejar,butnoneofthepeanutsfellout.Sohereachedintothejarandgrabbedalargehandfulofpeanuts,andhiseyeslitup.Butashewenttotakehishandoutofthejar,herealizedhishandwouldn’tfitthroughthemouthofthejarwhileitwasfullofpeanuts.Themonkeylookedatthepeanutsandpulledharderandharder,tonoavail.Hecouldseethepeanuts,holdthepeanuts,buthecouldn’tenjoythem.Torture.
Whenthemasterreturned,themonkeywasstillonthetable,clenchingthehandfulofpeanuts,refusingtoletgo.Foolishmonkey.
Findingourplaceintheworld,findingourplaceinourlocalcommunity,andmakingadifferenceinourownwayallgivemeaning,purpose,andadeep,deepsenseoffulfillmenttoourlives.Wemustnotonlyfinditforourselves,buthelpeveryindividualtofindthesame.
Theenemiesofmakingadifferencearedoubt,fear,discouragement,andselfishness.Somepeoplenevertrytomakeadifferencebecausetheydoubttheycan.Somepeoplefeartotryincasetheyfail.Somepeoplestarttomakeadifferencebutcomparethegoodtheyaredoingwithalltheeviltheycanimagineintheworldandbecomedisabledbydiscouragement.Somepeoplearesoabsorbedinthemselvesthattheyneverthinkofanyone’sneedsbuttheirown.
Ontheotherhand,somepeopletrustthattheywereputhereonthisearthtomakeadifferenceinsomeway,largeorsmall.Thosesamepeopleknowthefearoffailureasmuchasanyone,buttheyfacethatfear,immersethemselvesinthatemotion,andmoveforwardbravely.Theyfightoffdiscouragementbykeepingthingsinperspective.Whenthingsgettough,theytakelifejustonedayatatime.Whenthingsgetreallytough,theytakelifeonehouratatime.Andwhenthingsgetunbearablydifficult—theytakeheart,holdfirm,andtakelifemomentbymoment.Onebyone.Littlebylittle.Theyarenotstrangerstodoubt,fear,discouragement,orselfishdesires,buttheyfindafocusintheirlivesandcommittothatfocus.
Bynowyouareawareofmygreatloveforstories.Parables,fables,andstoriesarethemosteffectiveandpowerfulwaytoconveyanyideaormessage.HereisastorythatIwouldlikeyoutorecallwhendoubt,fear,discouragement,andselfishdesiresattempttostealyouawayfromyourlife’sworkofmakingadifference.
Onceuponatime,therewasayoungboywholivedjustnearabeach.Everyafternoontheboywouldwalkalongthebeach.
Onedayashewaswalking,henoticedthatasthetidehadgoneoutithadleftmanystarfishstrandedonthebeach.Herealizedthatifthestarfishwereleft
there,theywoulddiebeforethewaterreturned.Soashewalkedalongthebeach,onebyonehepickedupthestarfishandthrewthembackintothewater.Hecouldn’tpickthemallupbecausethereweretoomany,buttheoneshecouldpickuphedid.
Fromthatdayon,theboywouldspendhisafternoonswalkingalongthebeachthrowingthestarfishbackintothewater.Thenonedayastheboywaswalking,anoldmancamewalkingintheotherdirection.Theoldmansawwhattheyoungboywasdoingandcriedout,“Whatareyoudoing,boy?You’llnevermakeadifference.Whydon’tyoujustenjoyyourwalk?”Theboyignoredtheoldmanandcontinuedtopickupthestarfish,onebyone,andtothrowthembackintothewater.Butastheoldmangotcloser,hecamerightuptotheboyandsaid,“Whatareyoudoing?Whatareyoudoing,boy?You’llnevermakeadifference.Whydon’tyoujustenjoyyourwalk?”
Theboyjuststoodthereandsaidnothing.Thentheoldmangrabbedtheyoungboybythearm,turnedhimaround,andmadehimfacedownthebeach.Astheyoungboyandtheoldmanlookeddownthebeach,theycouldseethatthereweremany,manystarfish.Theoldmansaid,“Look,boy,there’shundredsofthem,there’sthousandsofthem.Lookhowmanyyouhavemissed.You’llnevermakeadifference.Forgetaboutthem.Justenjoyyourwalk.”
Justthen,theyoungboybentdownandreachedintothesandonemoretimeandpickeduponemorestarfish.Andstandingup,hethrewthestarfishasfarashecouldintotheocean.Then,lookingdeepintotheoldman’seyes,hesaid,“Imadeadifferenceforthatone.”
FourSimpleSteps
Therearefoursimplestepsthatwillempoweryoutomakeadifferenceinotherpeople’slivesandleadyoualongthepathofgreatness.
StepOne
Whenyouwakeuptomorrowmorning,remindyourselfofyourgoal,yourpointB,youressentialpurpose—tobecomethe-best-version-of-yourself.
StepTwo
Thenextstepistoaskyourself,“WhosedaycanImaketoday?”
StepThree
Nowaskyourself,“HowcanImakethatperson’sday?”
StepFour
Whenyouhavemadethesefirstthreesteps,showerandhavebreakfast,butthen,justbeforeracingintotheday,takeafewminutestoplan,reflect,andpray.Findaquietplace,andinthatsilencevisualizehowyouwouldlikeyourdaytounfold.Makeplanstofulfillyourlegitimateneedsphysically,emotionally,intellectually,andspiritually.Takeamomenttobecomeawareof,andtoappreciate,allyouhaveandallyouare,andthenyouwillbereadyfortheday.
Ifyoufaithfullycommityourselftothissimplefour-stepplanofactionforthenexttendays,yourlifewillbegintobefilledwiththefruitsoftherhythmoflife—peace,joy,anincreasedabilitytolove,anincreasedabilitytobeloved,ararehappinessandsatisfaction,aprofoundsenseoffulfillment,andthelove,excitement,andpassionforlifethataretheessenceofGod,theessenceofthehumanbeing,andtheintendedessenceofthehumanexperience.
Youwillthenfindyourselfonthevergeofgreatness.Youwillhavediscoveredthepowerofmakingadifference,andlifewillissueyouthechallengetocontinuallyandconsistentlyengagethatpowerinyourdailylife.
Afterawhile,youlearnthatit’sbettertowriteanunexpectedletterthantositaroundwaitingforthepostmantodeliverone.Soonerorlater,youdiscoverthatitisbettertohelpsomeoneplantagardenthantowaitforsomeonetobringyouflowers.Letitbesoonerforyou.
Thetemptationistosay,“Iamjustoneperson;whatcanonepersondo?”Lookatwhatothermenandwomenhavedoneinjustonelifetime:BillyGraham,MotherTeresa,Beethoven,Michelangelo,FrankLloydWright,AlbertEinstein,MichaelJordan,StevenSpielberg,BillGates,AbrahamLincoln.Theytoocouldhaveusedthesameexcuse,“Iamonlyoneperson.”Theydidn’t.Rather,theydedicatedthemselvestothepassionatepursuitoftheirdreams.
TheodoreRooseveltoffersusastartingpoint:“Dowhatyoucan,withwhatyouhave,whereyouare.”FrancisofAssisiofferedthisadvicetohisbrothers:“Firstdowhatisnecessary,thenwhatispossible,andbeforelongyouwillbedoingtheimpossible.”
Thegoodwedoisneverlost;itneverdies.Inotherpeople,inotherplaces,inothertimes—thegoodwedolivesonforever.
Bethedifferencethatmakesthedifference!
Leaders,Critics,Dreamers,andtheFuture
Wearelivingduringaveryinterestingperiodofhistory,atimeoftransition.Transitionperiodsarethemostimportant,yetyourarelyreadabouttheminhistorybooks,becauseit’sdifficulttojudgeexactlywhentheybeginandwhentheyend.Theyliesubtlysandwichedbetweenotherperiodsinhistory.Wearelivinginsuchatransitionperiodnow,buttounderstandthistimeinwhichwelive,andparticularlythistransition,wemustfirsttrytounderstandwhatisoneithersideofthistransition.
Therealityisthatourcivilizationisindecline.Therearefivesignsthatemergeinadecliningcivilization.Thesesignscanbefoundinthedeclineofalmosteverycivilizationinrecordedhistory.Theytakedifferentformsdependingonthecultureofthepeopleofthetimeandthetechnologicaladvancementoftheage,butultimatelythesamedevastatingresultisachieved.
Thesearethefivesignsofadecliningcivilization:adramaticincreaseinsexualpromiscuity;thepoliticalundermininganddisintegrationoffamilyvalues;theculturaldestructionofthefamilyunit;thekillingoftheinnocent;andaradicalincreaseinnonwar-fareviolence.Thesesignshaveplayedamajorroleinthedeclineandcollapseofeverycivilizationinrecordedhistory.Somuchsothatoncethesesignshaveemergedtosomelevelofgeneraloccurrenceandacceptance,nocivilizationhasbeenabletoprolongitsexistenceforlongerthanonehundredyears.
Inourownculture,thesesignsgainedinitialprominenceduringandafterWorldWarI.TheywerecompoundedandspreadevenmorewidelybytheeffectsandconsequencesofWorldWarII,andbytheendofthe1960s,theywererampant.Attheturnofthemillennium,theyhaveallbutbeengenerallyacceptedasvalidviewsandformsofbehavior.Therefore,usingadateevenaslateasthe1960sasthelandmarkforthegeneralemergenceofthesesigns,our
civilizationisleftwithonlysixtyyears.Thisisnotaprediction,itisnotaprophecy,itisarealitysetinthepast.Itisalessonwehavecontinuallyfailedtolearnfromhistory.Andsixtyyearsisashorttimeforoneperson,nevermindacivilization.
Whencurrentgenerationsignorethepast,theydestinethemselvestorelivethemistakesandmiseriesofeveryage.
Weliveinacriticaltimeinhistory.Thefutureofhumanityandtheworldisindangerunlessradicalchangeisadopted.Thischangemustfocusprimarilynotontheexternalrealitiesoftheworld,butontheinteriormysteriesofourbeing.Godisnotgoingtodestroyhumanity,norisGodgoingtobringtheworldtoanend.But,collectivelyandprogressively,wehaveinvolvedourselvesinacomplexprocessofself-destructionandsohaveendangeredtheworldandallcreation.Thisprocessofself-destructiongathersitsforceandmomentumintheideologythatanythingandeverythingcanbeexploitedandconsumedforprofitandourownsatisfaction.Theresultisdisorder.Thedisorderbeginswithmisplacedprioritiesinourheartsandleadstodisordersocially,politically,culturally,economically,environmentally,andspiritually.Thisproduceschaosanddestruction—gradualatfirst,butescalating.
Whatdoesallthismean?Istheworldgoingtoend?No.Ishumanitygoingtobewipedoutcompletely?No.Wearepassingfromonetimetoanother.Onecivilizationisdying,andanotherwillemerge.Weareinatransition.
Tounderstandthisalittlemore,weshouldturntoourhistorybookstolearnanotherlesson.Thereis,Ibelieve,aremarkableparallelbetweenthetimeinwhichweliveandthelateryearsoftheRomanEmpire.TheRomanEmpirewasgreat.Itwasmighty.Itwaspowerful.AndthepeopleofthattimebelievedthattheRomanEmpirewouldcontinuerulingandconqueringandenjoyingthefruitsofrulingandconqueringforever.Therecameatime,however,whensomeofthepeoplebegantorealizethattheRomanEmpire,evenasgreatandaspowerfulasitwas,wouldnotlastforever.Thesagesandtheseersofthateraperceivedthattheempirewasindeclineandthatbeforetoolongitwouldgivewaytosomethingnew.
Averysimilarprogressionnowwaitsonthedoorstepofhumanhistory.The“modernWesternempire”hasreachedthatpoint.Ithasachieveditspinnacle.Itmaylingerthereatthetopmomentarily,butnotforlong.Today’sclimatemakes
Nero’sRomelookliketheMadHatter’steaparty.Thepeopleofourage,justlikethepeopleoftheRomanEmpire,believethatthemodernWesternempirewillcontinuerulingandconqueringforever,andthatforeverwewillgoonenjoyingthefruitsofourrulingandconquering.Likemostthings,itcannotlastforeverandsoonwillbegintofallaway,makingwayforsomethingnew.
HistoryalsoteachesusthattheRomanEmpiregavewaytoawonderfulperiodinhistory—theMiddleAges.Culturally,socially,politically,economically,andspiritually,theMiddleAgeswereavibrantandvitaltimeofgrowth,discovery,andprogress.IamnotsuggestingthatwegobacktotheMiddleAges.Iamsuggestingthatontheothersideofthiscurrenttransitionispotentiallyatimeunmatchedbyanyotherinhistory.
Thereisonequestionthatthepeopleofanyagearealwaysasking,whetherconsciouslyorsubconsciously:“Whatwillthefuturehold?”
Thetwentiethcenturyhasbeenmarkedbytremendousadvancementinthematerialandscientificrealms.Sixhundredyearspassedbetweentheinventionoftheplowandtheinventionoftheautomobile.Ittookonlysixtyyearsfromtheinventionoftheautomobiletothespaceage.Thissinglefactalonehelpsustounderstandtheconfusionthathasalsomarkedthetwentiethcentury.Thisrapidchangehaschallengedpeopletoreassesstheirviewofreality.Theresultshavenotalwaysbeenpositiveorprogressive.Perhapsbecauseofthisrapidchangealone,andtheassociatedconfusion,wenowfindourselvespreparingtobecatapultedintoanewperiodinhistory.
Thetwenty-firstcenturywillbemarkednotbyrapidincreasesintechnology,butbydramaticandradicalincreasesinpeople’sawarenessofthetranscendental,agrowingunderstandingofthevitalrolespiritualityplaysinourexistence,andtheimportanceoftendingtoallofhumanity’slegitimateneeds.
Towhom,then,doesthefuturebelong?Ifwelookcloselyatothertransitionperiodsinhistory,twogroupsofpeopleemergeverystrongly.Thefirstarewhatweknowascritics—peoplewhocriticize.Criticsexistinanyperiod,ofcourse,butinatimeoftransitiontheymultiplyfasterthanever.Whatdotheycriticize?Theycriticizetheold,theycriticizethenew,theycriticizethechange,theycriticizethechangeforbeingtoofast,andtheycriticizethechangeforbeingtooslow.Theycriticizeeverythingandanything.Acriticisneverhardtofind.Thequestionsweshouldconsiderare,“Whendidagroupofcriticseverusherina
newmovementinhistory?”Never.“Whenwillagroupofcriticseverusherinanewmovementinhistory?”Never.
Sotowhomdoesthefuturebelong?
Thesecondgroupofpeoplethatatransitionraisesisleaders.Theyaremenandwomenofvision,courage,persistence,confidence,generosity,conscience,integrity,creativity,enthusiasm,character,andvirtue.Theyhavetheextraordinaryabilitytoignorethechaos,confusion,troubles,anddifficultiesthatsurroundthemandtoremainfocusedonthetaskathand.Theyhavetheawe-inspiringandprofoundabilitytopiercethroughtimeintothefutureandenvisionhowtheywish,think,orbelieve,thefutureshouldbe.Thentheyreturntothehereandnowandworktirelesslytomaketheirvisionareality.Theyareabletosharetheirvisionandmustersupportfromothersforthatvision.Theyareextraordinarycommunicatorsbothinwordanddeed,andtheirmerepresenceenergizesandinspirespeople.Againstallodds,doubts,andcriticismstheyareabletotrust,follow,nurture,andsharethegoodnesswithinthem.
Thefuturebelongstopeoplesuchasthese.Theyareleaders.Yourarelyhearthemcriticizinganythingoranyone,becausetheyaretoobusygettingthejobdone,usheringinanewmovementinhistory.
Theysaythedarkesthourisrightbeforethedawn.Butthedarkesthourgivesbirthtothegreatestchildrenoflight.Fromthedarkhoursofhistoryarebornlegends,heroes,champions,prophets,sages,leaders,stars,greatteachers,andsaints.
Thefuturewillbewhatwemakeofit.Leadershipisnotaneliteclass.Itisaroleeachofusisborninto.Itisapositionofinfluence.Granted,somepeopleexertmoreinfluencethanothers,butallofusexertsome,andbyourinfluence,people’slivesaretouched.Peoplehearwhatyousay,andtheylisten,andtheyareaffected.Peoplewatchhowyoulive,andtheylearn,andtheyareinfluenced.
Bealeader.Donotbeafraid.Donotinternalizetheproclamationsandcriticismsofthe“timidsouls”andself-appointedkingsofnonexistentkingdoms.Whenyouspeaktoyourself,letyourinteriordialoguebeconfident,optimistic,andvisionary.Daretolivethelifemostpeopleonlyfantasizeabout!Donotbeadestroyerofdreams,beadreamerofdreams.Alongtheway,thinkoftenofAlbertEinstein’swords:“Greatspiritshavealwaysencounteredviolent
oppositionfrommediocreminds.”
Lifeisnotapopularitycontest.
Thosewhowishtobefreefromcriticisminevitablyendupdoingnothingworthwhile.Iamoftencriticized.ItisnotsomethingIwilleverbecomeaccustomedto,anditdrainstremendousenergyfrommeifIamnotcareful.Inthefaceofcriticism,Iliketospendmysacredhourcarefullyreflectingonthefollowingtwoquotes.
IdotheverybestIknowhow—thebestIcan;andImeantokeepdoingsountiltheend.Iftheendbringsmeoutallright,whatissaidagainstmewon’tamounttoanything.Iftheendbringsmeoutwrong,tenangelsswearingIwasrightwouldmakenodifference.
—ABRAHAMLINCOLN
Itisnotthecriticthatcounts;northemanwhopointsouthowthestrongmanstumbled;norwherethedoerofdeedscouldhavedonethembetter.Thecreditbelongstothemanwhoisactuallyinthearena;whosefaceismarredbydustandsweatandblood;whostrivesvaliantly;whoerrs,andcomesshortagainandagain,becausethereisnoeffortwithouterrorandshortcomings,whodoesactuallytrytodothedeed;whoknowsthegreatenthusiasm,thegreatdevotion,andspendshimselfinaworthycause;…who,atworst,ifhefails,atleastfailswhiledaringgreatly….
Farbetteritistodaremightythings,towinglorioustriumphseventhoughcheckeredbyfailure,thantorankamongthosetimidsoulswhoneitherenjoynorsuffermuch,becausetheyliveinthegraytwilightthatknowsneithervictorynordefeat.
—THEODOREROOSEVELT
Anysocietyorcommunityatanytimeinhistoryneedsleadership.Ourageisnodifferentandperhapsmoreinneedthananyotherage.Theneedisforauthenticleadership—inourfamilies,inourcommunities,inthebusinessworld,onthesportingfield,intheareasoftheartsandculture,inpolitics,andinourchurches.
Onethingiscertain.Inalandwheretherearenomusicians;inalandwheretherearenostorytellers,teachers,andpoets;inalandwheretherearenomenandwomenofvisionandleadership;inalandwheretherearenolegends,saints,
andchampions;inalandwheretherearenodreamers—thepeopleofthatlandwillmostcertainlyperish.ButyouandI,wearethemusicmakers;wearethestorytellers,teachers,andpoets;wearethemenandwomenofvisionandleadership;wearethelegends,thesaints,andthechampions;andwearethedreamersofthedreams.
HowDoYouPerceivetheWorld?
Howdoyouseetheworld?Whatisyourperceptionoftheworld?Thegreatdangerisforustofallintothetrapofbelievingthatthewholeworldislikethecitywelivein.Thetemptationistofallintothesubconsciouslethargyofthinkingthatthewholeworldislikethestreetweliveon.
Mostpeoplethinktheyhavegotaprettygoodgriponreality,afairlybroadview,butsometimesourviewofrealitycanbecomedistorted.Howdoyouperceivetheworld?
Yousee…ifwereducedtheworld’spopulationtoonehundredpeople,proportionally…
Fifty-sevenofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldbefromAsia.Twenty-onewouldbefromEurope,fourteenfromNorthandSouthAmerica,andeightfromAfrica.
Fifty-onewouldbewomen,andforty-ninewouldbemen.
Sixty-eightofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldnotbeabletoreadandwrite.
Sixofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldownandcontrolmorethan50percentoftheworld’swealth.AllofthosesixpeoplewouldbeU.S.citizens.ThreeofthosesixpeoplewouldliveonthenorthshoreofLongIsland…onthesamestreet.
ThirtywouldbeChristian,seventywouldbenon-Christian.
Oneofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldbejustabouttodie,onewouldhavebeenjustborn,andonlyoneofthoseonehundredpeoplewouldhavebeentocollege.
Howdoyouperceivetheworld?Maybeinyourworldeveryonegoestocollege,butonplanetEarthonlyoneoutofeveryonehundredpeoplegoestocollege.
FiftypercentofAmericanchildrenliveseparatedfromtheirbiologicalfathers.
One-thirdoftheworldisdyingfromlackofbread.One-thirdoftheworldisdyingfromlackofjustice.Andone-thirdoftheworldisdyingfromovereating.
Whatisyourviewoftheworld?Howdoyouperceivetheworld?
ThisisthewayIseeit.Lifecomesdowntotwosimplerealities.Peopleweremadetobeloved,andthingsweremadetobeused.Yourproblems,myproblems,andindeedalltheworld’sproblemscomefromourmisunderstandingofthesetwosimpleprinciples.Yousee…welovethingsandweusepeople.
Itwouldnotbetoomuchtodedicateone’swholelifetothereversalofthesesimplerealities.
Loveisourgreatestdesire—toloveandbeloved.Weknowhowtolove,becauseweknowhowwewishtobeloved.Itisthecentralpreceptandprincipleofeverymajorreligion.Itistheanswertoeveryquestion.Itisthesolutiontoeveryproblem.
Theanswerisnevertoloveless.Theanswerisalwaystolovemore.
Thequestionis,“Whatdowelove?”
Youcanchoosenottolovetherightthings,butyoucannotchoosenottolove.Wealllove—wecannothelpbutlove,forthatiswhatwewerecreatedfor.Loveiswhatgivesmeaningtoourlives.Loveisthedirectionofourlives.Whatyouloveandwhatcaptivatesyourimaginationdetermineshowyouliveyourlife.Loveisourgreatestdesire,ourgreatestneed,ourgreatesttalent,andourgreatestyearning.Loveisouridentity.Untilwelove,wenevertrulyknowwhoweare.Loveisnatural,original,andspontaneous.Loveispower.
Ifyoucouldonlyloveenough,youcouldbethemostpowerfulpersonintheworld.
Weholdbackthatinfinitepowertolovebecausewhenitisreleased—althoughitachievesallthegoodintheworld—italsomakesusvulnerableandushersinthepossibilityofsuffering.Wewasteopportunitiestolove.
Tolovedeeply,youmustletgoofthoseillusionsofperfection,thatpretenseofbeingcompletelyincontrol,andopenyourselftothatmysteriousgift,pleasure,power,andgracewecalllove.Thatsurrenderandopennesscreatesaradicalvulnerability.Loveistostepbeyondthecomfortzone.
Mymotherhasalwaysenjoyedhergarden,butsheparticularlylovesgrowingorchids.MumhasgrowntheminourbackyardeversinceIwasachild.WhenmybrothersandIwereyounger,weusedtoplayalotofsoccerandcricketinthebackyard.OneofuswasalwayscrawlingtowardthekitchentoconfesstheaccidentalassassinationofoneofMum’sorchids.
Ioverheardaconversationonenightbetweenmymotherandfather.Mymotherwasventingthatwewerekillingallherorchids.Myfatherlistened,andalittletimepassedbeforehesaidcalmly,“Well,onedaytheywon’tbeheretoplayintheyardandbreaktheorchids.Whenthatdaycomeswewillwishtheywere,solet’smovetheplants.”
Thepeopleyoulovewillnotalwaysbenearyou.Lovethem.Seizetheopportunity.
Themostwonderfulthingaboutloveisthatitishighlycontagious.Lovedemandsaresponse.Lovedeterminestheresponse.Lovebegetslove.Here’sasimpleexample.Ifyou’rewalkingdownthestreetandyousmileatsomeonecomingintheoppositedirection,whathappens?Usuallyhesmilesback.Butintheeventhedoesnotsmileback,andthenextdayyouseehimagainandsmileagain,thenwhathappens?Eventuallyhesmilesback.Lovedemandsaresponse.Yourlovesetsoffareaction,arippleeffect.Lovebegetslove.
TeilharddeChardinwrote,“Thedaywillcomewhen,afterharnessingspace,thewinds,thetidesandgravitation,weshallharnessforGodtheenergiesoflove.And,onthatday,forthesecondtimeinthehistoryoftheworld,manwillhavediscoveredfire.”
Ifyouhaveboughtintothemoderndefinitionofsuccess—“gettingwhatyouwantoutoflife”—youhaveprobablyalienatedyourselffromthemostimportantrealityandtruthoflife.Loveisafreegift.
Wesacrificeloveforso-calledprogress.Wesacrificeloveforso-calledsuccess.Wesacrificeloveforso-calledmoreimportantthings—nosuchthingsexist.
TellmewhatyouloveandIwilltellyouwhoyouare.Whatyoufallinlovewithdetermineseverything.
Ourdesiretoloveandbelovedneverrests.Thoughwemaysleep,ourdesiretoloveneverdoes.Itisasconstantasourverybreathing—andasnecessary.Ourtrueidentityisdeeplyintertwinedwiththisdesireandabilitytolove.
Wecannotlivewithoutlove.Withoutlovethereisnojoy,excitement,passion,orsatisfactioninlife.Youcannotlivewithoutloveforyourself.YoucannotlivewithoutloveforyourGod.Youcannotlivewithoutloveforyourneighbor.Youcantry,butyouwillendupbitterandmiserable.Andthatbitternessandmiserywillkillyouintheend.Youwillappeartobealive,butintruthyouwillbedying.Youcannotlivewithoutlove.
Loveorperish;thereisnootherchoice.
CanYouHeartheMusic?
Forme,oneofthegreatestjoysinthisworldismusic.Canyouimagineaworldwithoutmusic?Whataweary,wearyworlditwouldbewithoutmusic.Musicisexpressiveofeveryhumanfeelingandemotion,butitmostaptlyexpressesjoyandlove.Whatholdsmusictogether?Rhythm.
Whatholdsourlivestogether?Rhythm.Isyourworldaworldwithoutmusic?Isyourlifeasongwithoutrhythm?
Restsandpausesareasimportantingreatmusicasthenotesthemselves.Restsandpausesareasimportantingreatlivesasactivity.
Itisnaturalforustowantabetterworldforourchildrentogrowupin.Wemustrecognizethatachievinggreatchangeforthecommongoodtakesalongtime.Thoseworkingforgoodarenotinahurry.Theyarepatient,andbecausetheyarepatient,theyarewise.Theydoalltheycantobringonthisgoodwithoutlosingtherhythmoflifethemselves.Theyneversacrificetherhythm.
Youmustfindtherhythm,yourrhythm.Therhythmthatconnectsyouwiththerestofcreationinharmonyandpeace.TherhythmthatmosteffectivelyallowsthegraceofGodtoworkwithinyourlife.Therhythmthatallowsyoutofindthatsacredbalancethatgivesyoustrength,courage,andconfidencetobeyourself.Therhythmthatleadsyoualongthepathofgrowthandperfection.Therhythmoflifethatunveilsandfulfillsyourlegitimateneeds.
Therhythmoflifeisapowerfulthing.
Inthebeginningofpart5,Isuggestedthatanyadequatesolutionstotheproblemsandchallengesthatfaceusintheworldtodaymustbebothaccessibleandapplicabletoeveryone,everywhere,regardlessofage,color,creed,orculture—andtheirpracticalitymustimpactandbedeeplyintertwinedwithpeople’sday-to-dayliving.Ibelievetherhythmoflifeofferssuchasolution.
Letmeissueonewarning.Therhythmoflifemaybethesolutiontomanyoftheworld’sproblems,butinthisdayandage—inaworldobsessedwithspeed,noise,greed,lust,andactivity—therhythmoflifeisaradical,countercultural,revolutionaryact.
IfyoudecidetowalkthepathIhavedescribedinthisbook,noteveryonewillunderstand.Someofyourfamilyandfriendswillridiculeyou,theywillaccuseyouofbeingadreamer,andtheywilltellyouthatyouarecrazy.
Thepeoplewhocannothearthemusicthinkthatthepeoplewhoaredancingarecrazy.
Don’tletthatbotheryou.Andevenifitdoesbotheryou,don’tletitdiscourageordistractyoufromwalkingthepath.Iftheyunderstoodthepath,theywouldbeonit.Someofthemarebitterbecauseonceintheiryouththeytriedtowalkthispathandgaveup,andnowintheiroldagetheybelieveitistoolateforthemtoseekthatpathagain.Thispathisnotforeveryone.Everyonecanchooseandwalkthispath,butveryfewactuallyhavethestrength,courage,discipline,andperseverancetodowhatittakestowalkit.Thatiswhatsetsthemapart.Thatiswhatmakesthemlegends,heroes,champions,leaders,andsaints.
Rhythmornorhythm,lifeisn’talwayseasy.SometimesIfindmyselfdeliriouslyhappy.Ihavehadmanymountaintopexperiences,butlifeisn’talwayslivedonthemountaintopsoftheworld.Sometimeswefindourselvesinthevalleysoffearanddoubtorintheabyssofsufferingandloneliness.Atthosetimesitiseasytobecomediscouraged,toabandontheway,toletthecriticsgetyoudown.Atthosetimes,travelinyourmindtoasmallorphanageinCalcutta,andonawallthereyouwillfindthesewords:Peopleareunreasonable,illogical,andself-
centered.LOVETHEMANYWAY.
Ifyoudogood,peoplewillaccuseyouofselfish,ulteriormotives.DOGOODANYWAY.
Ifyouaresuccessful,youwinfalsefriendsandtrueenemies.SUCCEEDANYWAY.
Thegoodyoudowillbeforgottentomorrow.DOGOODANYWAY.
Honestyandfranknessmakeyouvulnerable.BEHONESTANDFRANKANYWAY.
Bigpeoplewithevenbiggerideaswillbeshotdownbysmallpeoplewithevensmallerminds.THINKBIGANYWAY.
Peoplefavorunderdogs,butfollowonlytopdogs.BETHEUNDERDOGANYWAY.
Whatyouspentyearsbuildingmaybedestroyedovernight.BUILDANYWAY.
Peoplereallyneedhelpbutmayattackyouifyouhelpthem.HELPTHEMANYWAY.
Givetheworldthebestyouhaveandyou’llgetkickedintheteeth.GIVETHEWORLDTHEBESTYOU’VE
GOTANYWAY.
TheMeasureofYourLifeWillBetheMeasureofYourCourage
Everythinginliferequirescourage.Whetheritisplayingfootballorcoachingfootball;crossingtheroomtoaskagirloutonadateorrekindlingalovethathasgrowncold;startinganewbusiness,battlingapotentiallyfataldisease,gettingmarried,strugglingtoovercomeanaddiction,orcominghumblybeforeyourGodinprayer—lifetakescourage.
Courageisessentialtothehumanexperience.Courageanimatesus,bringsustolife,andmakeseverythingelsepossible.Yetcourageistherarestqualityinahumanperson.
Themostdominantemotiontodayinourmodernsocietyisfear.Weareafraid.Afraidoflosingthethingswehaveworkedhardtobuy,afraidofrejectionandfailure,afraidofcertainpartsoftown,afraidofcertaintypesofpeople,afraidofcriticism,afraidofsufferingandheartache,afraidofchange,afraidtotellpeoplehowwereallyfeel…Weareafraidofsomanythings.Weareevenafraidtobeourselves.
Someofthesefearsweareconsciouslyawareof,whileothersexistsubconsciously.Butthesefearscanplayaverylargeroleindirectingtheactionsandactivitiesofourlives.Fearhasatendencytoimprisonus.Fearstopsmorepeoplefromdoingsomethingwiththeirlivesthanlackofability,contacts,resources,oranyothersinglevariable.Fearparalyzesthehumanspirit.
Courageisnottheabsenceoffear,buttheacquiredabilitytomovebeyondfear.Eachdaywemustpassthroughthejunglesofdoubtandcrossthevalleyoffear.Foritisonlythenthatwecanliveinthehighplaces—onthepeaksofcourage.
Takeamomenttowanderthroughthepagesofhistory—yourfamily’shistory,yournation’shistory,humanhistory—andextractfromthosepagesthemenandwomenyoumostadmire.Whatwouldtheybewithoutcourage?Nothingworthwhileinhistoryhasbeenachievedwithoutcourage.Courageisthefatherofeverygreatmomentandmovementinhistory.
Ihavefeltthechillingwindsoffearandself-doubtrushagainstmyskin.Ihavediscoveredthatcourageislearningtorecognizeandmasterthatsinglemoment.Thatmomentisaprelude—apreludetocourageorapreludetofear.Somuchcanbeaccomplishedinonemomentofcourage.Andsomuchcanbelosttoonemomentoffear.
Nooneisbornwithcourage.Itisanacquiredvirtue.Youlearntorideabicyclebyridingabicycle.Youlearntodancebydancing.Youlearntoplayfootballbyplayingfootball.Courageisacquiredbypracticingcourage.Andlikemostqualitiesofcharacter,whenpracticedourcouragebecomesstrongerandmorereadilyaccessiblewitheverypassingday.
Haveyoueverbeenawakenedinthemorningbythealarmclockinthemiddleofawonderfuldream?Whathappens?Youtrytogobacktosleep.Maybeyoucanandmaybeyoucan’tgetbacktosleep,butwhatdoesn’thappen?Thedreamdoesn’treturn.Lifeisthatdream.
Ifyouknewyouweregoingtodieoneyearfromtoday,whatwouldyoudowiththenextyearofyourlife?Dothosethings.Gohometonightandmakealist.Thensetaboutmakingthosethingshappen.Revisitthatlisteveryday,checkonyourprogress,andrenewyourresolution.Usethewordsinthisbookeachdaytoinspireyoutomakethemhappen.Becauselifeisshortandyouaredeadanawfullongtime.Livelifepassionately.Laughoften,lovealways,cultivatesoul,don’tbeafraidtodreamthebigdreams,andembraceyourGod.
Ourworldischangingsoquickly.Itcanbealittlefrighteningattimes.Itiseasytobecomesobusyworryingaboutthefuturethatweforgettoliveourdreams.Thereissomethingwonderfulaboutadream.Itisnottheachievementofthedreamthatmattersmost,butratherthepursuitofthosedreamsthatarebornfromdeepwithinus.Thepursuitofthedreamislife;itdoessomethingmysterioustous,fillsuswithhope,passion,andenthusiasm,andexpandsour
capacitiesasahumanpersonineveryway.
Sowhatarewewaitingfor?Wegetonlyoneshotatlife.Isn’tittimeforalittlesoul-searching?Visitaquietchurchinthemiddleoftheday.Takeawalkinthepark.Turnoffthetelevisionandtalktoyourchildren.Openthepaperandlookforthejobyou’vealwayswanted.Keepapromise.Tellyourmumyouloveher.RestoreanoldFord.Makefriendswithyourneighbors.Sayyesinsteadofmaybe.Watchasunset.Writeyourspousealoveletter.Flyakite.Saysorry.Askthatgirloutonadate.Tryafoodyou’venevertastedbefore.MakepeacewithGod.
Donotwasteyourlife,becauselifeisthere—allyouhavetodoisreachoutandembraceit.Anythingispossible.Whateveryourdreamis,makeithappen.Havecourage.Starttoday.Youwillbeamazedwhatlifewillgiveyouinreturnforalittlebitofcourage.
Courageisachoice.
Becertainofonething:Themeasureofyourlifewillbethemeasureofyourcourage.
LetYourLightShine!
Intheprocessofwritingthisbook,IhavereturnedtoAustriaonacoupleofoccasions.IhavereturnedtoGamingandtotheformermonasterywhereIdiscoveredlifeanew.NowIhavesharedwithyou,asIpromisedmyselfIwould,whatIdiscoveredinthemountainsacoupleofhoursoutsideofVienna—therhythmoflife.
Whatiscontainedinthesepageshasthepowertochangeyourlife.Iknow,becausetheseideashavechangedmylifeandcontinuetoenrichmylifeeveryday.
Iknowawomanwhohascarriedherpassportaroundwithherforthirty-fouryears.Shehasneverusedit,butshenevergoesanywherewithoutittuckedsafelyawayinsideherhandbag.
Thirty-fouryearsagoshehadanopportunitytotakeatrip,butformanyreasonsatthelastminuteshedecidednotto.Sheneverwilltakethattrip,andshewillalwaysregretnothavingtakenitwhenshehadthechance.
Youareholdingapassportinyourhandsrightnow,withvalidvisastohigherlevelsofconsciousnessandmoreabundantliving.Iknowitisavalidpassport—Ihaveuseditmyself.Butitisnotenoughjusttohaveapassport.Youmustmakethejourney.Beconfident.Donotbeafraid.Havecourage.Takeitonestepatatime.Makethejourney.
Alifewellinvestedhasfewregrets.Alifelivedrichlyhasfewapologiestomake.Findtherhythmoflife.
Ifyouhavecomethisfar,youhaveobviouslyfoundsomevalueintheideasthat
fillthesepages.Don’tsetthisbookdownnowonashelftogatherdust.Startagain.Keepitneartoyou.Whenyoucometotheendforasecondtime,startagain.Readfivepagesadayperpetually.Makeitalifelongcompanion.Itistheonlywayfortheideastotakerootinourpractical,everydaylives.
Ihavetriedtofillthesepageswithideasthatwecanreadoverandoveragain,eachtimerevealinganewlayerofmeaning.Theyareideasthatresonatedeeperwithinuseachtimewereadthem—andevendeeperagainwhenwetakethetimetoreflectonthemslowlyandquietly.
Astheideasinthisbookbegintochangeyourlife—asyoubegintoexperiencethepoweroftherhythmoflife—sharethisbook.Giveacopytoafriendasagift.Suggestittoyourfamily.Helpothersdiscovertherhythmoflife.
RarelydoesadaygobywhenIdon’tthinkofmyhighschoolmotto:“Luceatluxvestra.”ItisLatin,takenfromthefifthchapterofMatthew’sgospel,andmeans“Letyourlightshine.”
Thelegends,heroes,leaders,champions,andsaintswehavespokenofthroughoutthisbook,andwhofillthepagesofourhistorybooks,arejustsymbolsofthegoodnessandgreatnesswithinusall.
Donotletyourlifebelikeashootingstarthatlightsuptheskyforonlyabriefmoment.
Letyourlifebelikethesun,whichalwaysburnsbrightlyintheheavens,bringinglightandwarmthtoallthoseonearth.
Livethelifeyouwereborntolive!
Letyourlightshine!
WhetheryoureceivedTheRhythmofLifeasagift,borroweditfromafriend,orpurchasedityourself,we’regladyoureadit.WethinkyouwillagreethatMatthewKellyisamostrefreshingvoice,andwehopeyouwillsharethisbook
andhisthoughtswithyourfamilyandfriends.
Ifyouareinterestedinwritingtotheauthor,wishtoreceivehisfreenewsletter,TheBeacon,wouldlikeinformationabouthisspeakingengagements,orwouldliketoinvitehimtospeakataneventyouarehosting,pleaseaddressallcorrespondenceto:
TheMatthewKellyFoundation2330KemperLane
Cincinnati,OH45206UnitedStatesofAmerica
Phone:1-513-221-7700Fax:1-513-221-7710
e-mail:[email protected]
Acknowledgments
Bookshavealifeoftheirown.Theydoofcoursestartasanauthor’sdream,butbythetimetheyreachtheshelfinabookstoresomanypeoplehavemadeunimaginablecontributionsinordertotransformtheauthor’sdreamintoareality.
Iwouldliketothank…
MeghanMcLaughlin,TomDierker,andMimiCiterellaforhelpingmetorefinetheoriginalmanuscript…
JoeDureposforconvincingmethatitwastimetosharethisworkwithalargeraudience…
CarolineSuttonforopeningmymindtonewpossibilitiesandhelpingmesculptthisneweditionintosomuchmorethanIpreviouslyenvisioned…
TheSimon&Schusterteam…ChrisLloreda,TrishTodd,LisaSciambra,MarciaBurch,SonaVogel,JanPisciotta,TheaTullman,DebbieModel,MarkGompertz,MikeRotondo,andChristinaDuffy…fortheirenergyandenthusiasm…andforthinkingoutsideoftheboxonthisone…
MystaffatTheMatthewKellyFoundation,whoworktirelesslyintheirefforttofurthermyquesttosharethismessage,whichistransformingsomanypeople’slives.
Thepeoplewhohaveboughtmultiplecopiesandpassedthemonasgiftstopeoplewhowereoutsidemycircle…Thanksforinvitingmeintoyourcircleofinfluence…
Iammoregratefultoeachofyouthanyouwilleverknow.Yournameandphoto
arenotonthecover,butinaveryrealwaythisisyourbook.
MostofallIhopethatworkingonthisbookhasfilledyouwithadeepsenseofsatisfaction…andthatwheneveryouseesomeonereadingacopy…orpassthroughabookstoreandseeacopyontheshelf…youwillfeelawarmglowwithinyou…
AbouttheAuthor
MatthewKellywasborninSydney,Australia,andbeganspeakingandwritingin1993.Overthepasttenyearsmorethantwomillionpeopleinfiftycountrieshaveattendedhistalksandseminars.Againstthebackdropofhistraveltofiftycountries,millionsmorehavebeentouchedbyhiswritingsandappearancesonradioandtelevisionprograms.
Inthewakeofdevotingthepastdecadeofhislifetohisinternationalspeakingschedule,Kellyhasalsogainedacclaimasanauthor.Collectivelyhisninetitleshavebeenpublishedinsevenlanguagesandhavesoldmorethan750,000copies.