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SAG AWARDS
2014
JEWEL TONES Red, Green & Blue
Amy Adams
While I don’t love space-agey
cutouts, this is undeniably
awesome.
The colour is amazing on Amy,
and she’s got that demure retro
pin-up thing going on.
Elisabeth Moss
Meh, it’s fine.
She got up to accept her award
and said “s***!” right into the
mike, and everybody laughed. It
was obviously a rehearsed
moment that was supposed to
look spontaneous. It bugged me.
Jane Krakwoski
Jane always looks like she’s in
character as Jenna from 30 Rock.
But this is nice, and her sleek bob
is cute.
Morena Baccarin
Amazing dress in a stunning
sapphire blue, but for some
reason the gap in the middle of
the bust bothers me. It almost
looks as of the dress is coming
apart or something. Distracting.
Holly Hunter
I couldn’t find a better picture of
this. It’s lovely, but boy did she
look thin.
Oprah
Oprah!
Sandra Bullock
I can’t decide whether this is cute
or too reminiscent of a
Christmas present.
Maybe I’m being too judgmental,
because who doesn’t like
Christmas presents?
Alfre Woodard
Alfre can’t go past a shiny frock,
and I can’t really blame her,
though I wish this looked a little
less like the kind of blingy
curtain a half-dressed cabaret
dancer might emerge from. It’s
not terribly flattering or age-
appropriate. The colour is
gorgeous, however.
Kelly Osbourne
As usual, I have no
comment.
Ariel Winter
Ouch. Just looking at this makes
my chest hurt.
Renee Bargh
Renee is some kind of Australian
person. Her coral/red dress
looked pretty in some pictures,
but what is up with that seam in
the middle?
Zoe Kazan & Paul Dano
I don’t necessarily love Zoe’s
dress (I’d cut off the bow), but
this couple generally just looks
adorable.
HARDWARE Bling, Deco Detail and
Bold Patterns
Claire Danes
The mosaic thing is intriguing,
but there’s way too much going
on here. The illusion netting at
the neckline detracts from the
blue. This might be something
that made more sense up close.
Jennifer Lawrence
I love Jennifer’s short hair,
but in this glitzy dress she
looks older than her years.
Like Ellen Barkin or
someone. She looks like a
person you would describe
as a “sassy broad.”
Malin Akerman
On someone with bolder
colouring this might have looked
interesting, but Malin’s features
are just swamped by the busy
pattern and colours. And what’s
up with her hair? Is it grey?
Helen Mirren
Not necessarily one of my
favourite looks, but she is
stunning.
Lena Headey
I kind of like this.
I do not like the topknot with it.
Katrina Bowden
I wouldn’t be drawn to this on its
own, but on Katrina it does look
beautiful, and fits perfectly.
This would be the way to do
gold ornamentation without
drawing attention away from
hair and face.
Rita Wilson
Rita Wilson always dresses like
she’s made of money, which she
is. I rarely love anything she
wears, and this is no exception. It
has black racing stripes down the
sides. I hate racing stripes. It
always makes me think of those
Adidas tracksuits.
Sophia Vergara
*yawn*
It’s very pretty. I’m just
unmoved.
Natalie Dormer
Natalie shaved half her
head for some reason.
This look as a whole
actually works. Ladylike
meets punk.
Julie Bowen
For some reason this calls to
mind the aesthetic details of a
1970’s Torana. I didn’t know I
even knew what a 1970’s Torana
looked like.
Rita Moreno
Remember how Coco Chanel
said “before you leave the house,
take one thing off?” I think she
would have told Rita Moreno to
take all but one thing off.
Seriously, the chinoiserie skirt
intrigues me. With a plain black
bodice, minimal jewellery, and
NO LEATHER, it might have
been something.
Stuart Brazell
Why is she called Stuart? Who
would do that to a child?
SLEEK NAVY There were enough figure-
hugging navy frocks to make up their own category.
Jennifer Garner
Flawless, but dull.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
When I first saw this I thought
“She’s pregnant? Isn’t she fifty-
something?!?”
Turns out it’s an optical illusion.
She looks normal from other
angles. And yes, by “normal” I
mean “unpregnant.”
Mindy Kaling
I don’t think I would choose a
cowl neck for Mindy, but she
looks ever-so-pretty.
Sarita Choudury
I don’t know who Sarita
Choudhury is, but she looks like
unlike anyone else there, which
is a compliment. There’s
something very unique and
dignified about this Nanette
Lepore. I like it when people
dress as though they’re
above it all.
Anna Gunn
This looks like something an
‘Entertainment Tonight’
presenter would wear. It’s fine,
it’s just standard Hollywood red
carpet fare.
Anna Chlumsky
Anna’s physique looks very
Marilyn Monroe-esque in this.
It’s lovely, if a bit baggy across
the hips.
Julianne Nicholson
Hmm. I’m really not sure what’s
going on with the…drapes?
Tassels? But if you took them
away you’d be left with nothing
but an office-appropriate navy
shift dress and work shoes.
Shame, because she has a pretty
face and nice hair.
BBD (Big Black Dress)
Abigail Breslin
Okay, so she obviously needs to
get together with Ariel Winter
and work out what to do with a
DD+ bust.
Michelle Dockery
I’m surprised Michelle went so
wrong here after her pretty dress
at the Emmy’s. The deep
U-shaped neckline is
unflattering, the top looks like a
waistcoat, and the skirt looks like
flared pants. Personally I think
black and white is too severe for
Michelle’s complexion anyway.
Meryl Streep
A peasant dress? Meryl, you are
not a peasant! How many more
awards do you have to win
before you start dressing like…
Helen Mirren?
Emma Thompson
While the dress doesn’t wow me
(it looks casual), Emma was very
proud of her flat shoes, and I’m
glad someone is finally being
sensible. Except when she’s
photobombing famous people:
Melissa Rauch
I still don’t really know who
Melissa Rauch is, and I’d rather
type this very long sentence than
Google her to find out, but she
always looks like she’s dressed
for a high school prom in some
Midwestern town. This is
basically just a black satin bag
with a belt.
Sophie McShera
Sophie tends to go for really
modern frocks, slick hair and
vampish red lipstick to look as
little like Daisy from Downton
Abbey as possible. I do
sympathise, but I don’t think this
is her best look. It ages her.
Tina Fey & Alice Richmond
They both look gorgeous. Tina
looks amazing – I couldn’t get a
better picture, but this frock
flatters her beautifully and I
much prefer her with darker hair.
It might have looked less
widowish if she had worn it out,
but she’s very elegant here.
Sophie Turner
I really thought she was wearing
a crop top and a maxi skirt. In
fact it’s a beige belt, which looks
like an afterthought.
Cara Theobold
Cara is Daisy’s
coworker from
Downton Abbey. The
details on the dress are
very pretty, but she
too looks older than
she is. She should
have opted for a more
modern, youthful
hairstyle.
Jared Leto & Constance Leto
Jared Leto creeps me out, but his
mother looks pretty awesome.
Like a really elegant witch.
Ewan McGregor
Just in case you’re wondering if
Ewan McGregor is still
handsome.
(Yes.)
ETHEREAL Pale & shimmery, from
stunning to meh.
Emilia Clarke
Didn’t quite make my best
dressed list, but I can’t fault it. I
would have done her hair
differently, but the gown is sleek,
pretty and classic.
Isla Fischer
Again, there is nothing wrong
with this, but it lacks the wow
factor.
Gretchen Mol
I quite liked this on the red
carpet, but I’m not sure now.
The leg isn’t helping.
Hannah Simone
I find it hard to be objective
about Hanna Simone, because I
think she’s gorgeous, and
subsequently consider everything
she wears or stands near to be
gorgeous.
The frilly neckline and hair
might all be a bit much, but she
looks angelic, so I’ll give
her a pass.
Sarah Hyland
The blush colour with her rosy,
luminous makeup and loose,
wavy hair is very pretty, but the
gathering in the middle is weird
and off-centre. It looks like it’s
elasticated. Maybe if it had some
kind of diamante belt or
something?
Laura Carmichael
I’m really over topknots.
Natalie Emmanuel
A size too small and way too
skimpy in the bust to be
considered elegant.
Elisabeth Rohm
This looked more successful on
the red carpet than it does in
pictures, but it’s still probably a
lesser version of the already
average dress Jlo wore to
something last year. Elisabeth’s
hair is strange, too. Why are
people over-bleaching their hair?
Maria Menounos
I suppose it’s possible that if this
was on Diane Kruger or Natalie
Portman, they would look like
Greek goddess. Maria Menounos
looks exactly like the D-List
celebrity that she is.
Kaley Cuoco
Oh Kaley. She just never ever
gets it quite right, does she? This
looks a size too small, it skews to
the left, it’s already slipping
down, and somehow like
everything else she picks for the
red carpet it exaggerates her
already odd proportions. Her
posture and characteristic smirk
suggest she wants us to stop
laughing at her.
WORST
Julia Roberts
At first I saw a picture of just the
top half of this outfit and
thought “oh, what a lovely
dress!”
Kerry Washington
Kerry has just had a baby, so I
think we’ll give her a pass based
on a diagnosis of probable Post-
Natal Sartorial Dysphoria.
Otherwise I can’t think what
possessed her to wear a cropped
pink sequinned top with a pouffy
satin skirt that makes her look
enormous.
Kerry Washington
And also, we can SEE HER BRA.
Cate Blanchett
I don’t like this, I think it’s awful. But
I just have to relate this hilarious
exchange I witnessed on TV:
(GIULIANA RANCIC): I AM
OBSESSED.
(CATE BLANCHETT): With what?
(GIULIANA RANCIC): WITH YOU.
I love you as an ACTRESS. I love
you as a FASHIONISTA...
(CATE BLANCHETT): I'm married.
Amanda Peet
Oh, Amanda. I’m reluctant to
criticise because she looks like a
proud schoogirl on her first day
of school. She got dressed all by
herself. I mean, I do love her
velvet Mary Janes. And her skirt
looks like it was inspired by that
Escher picture with the
interlocking birds. It would
probably make a great
lampshade.
Mayim Bialik
When Jewish Orthodox meets
19th Century Parisian Bordello.
Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon
I agree with whatever Nick is
thinking.
Giuliana Rancic
*sigh*
She just really needs to gain
some weight.
Sarah Paulson
The angel I put on my Christmas
tree is better outfitted than this.
Her proportions are all off. And
her head looks odd. She looks
like one of those wax figures of
famous people that doesn’t
resemble the original.
Patricia Arquette
This calls to mind one of those
hippie dresses made from hemp
and dyed with carrot juice and
berries. It probably smells like
incense.
Edie Falco
Her face and hair look lovely.
Everything else: no.
BEST
Camila Alves
Divine.
Carice Van Houten
This may be controversial,
because I don’t necessarily love
the frock, but I love the look
overall. Her hair and face are so
pretty, and she looks happy
enough to carry off what is a
fairly basic LBD. It’s all about
the attitude.
Carice Van Houten
It even has a giant bow on the
back, but I don’t mind. The
combination of porcelain skin,
dark hair, black dress and deep
red lipstick is just so effortlessly
pretty. Her shoes are lovely, too.
Betsy Brandt
I couldn’t find a good picture of
this, and while the overall look
was not necessarily a show-
stealer, the gown itself is
beautiful and interesting, so it
made the cut. I love chartreuse,
and I can’t go past a wallpapery
floral. I’m not even joking.
Juliette Lewis
As I was saying, I love bold
decorative florals. While
Juliette’s hair puzzling, the
over-the-top turquoise dress is
whimsical and unexpectedly
beautiful. Like Lucy Liu’s Marie
Antoinette-inspired gown from a
couple of years ago.
Lupita Nyong’o
…however, first prize for best
turquoise frock (and best
everything else) goes, of course,
to Lupita Nyong’o, who looks
breathtaking here. Not many
people could carry off the ornate
neckline and matching
eyeshadow, but Lupita looks like
she could grant wishes.