The Stony Brook Press - Volume 31, Issue 5

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newsVol. XXXI, Issue 5 | Wednesday, November 11, 2009

E-Lack-Tricity at Stony Brook

By Daniel MurrayOn Monday October 26 a series of

power outages began at Stony BrookUniversity. These outages affected areasfrom Roosevelt Quad to the Engineer-ing buildings and even buildings onSouth Campus. Power wasnt restoredto normal until November 2, one weekfrom when the problem started. Gener-ators were in place, though, while theyworked to fix the problem.

In a statement released by PresidentSamuel Stanley on this major issue, hecited that the problem was caused by astructural failure of an underground hotwater pipe, which probably led to thefailure of nearby high voltage feeder ca-bles, causing the loss of electricalpower.

With the state of New York in abudget crisis, the SUNY system andStony Brook University have been hitparticularly hard. With funding beingcut to SUNY schools due to the Gover-nors Deficit Reduction Plan, issues likethe power outages may arise again.

To add to our problems, I am con-cerned that this new series of budgetcuts will make it even more difficult todeal with these kinds of emergencies inthe future, both by reducing furthermonies available for preventative main-tenance and for emergency responsesupport staff, said Stanley in his release.

The residents living in RooseveltQuad were hit especially hard by thesepower outages for the obvious reasonsthat they have to live there. They had nohot water, heat or electricity for two

days. That can be extremely difficult todeal with especially if you have workthat needs to be done for classes.

I went out to play soccer, andwhen I got back it was completely darkin the dorms, said Kevin David, a

freshman who lives in Greeley, a build-ing in the Roosevelt Quad. I couldnttake a shower because there was no hotwater and it was really dark.

Roosevelt Quad would finally get

power back that Wednesday morning,when the workers set up small genera-tors to start giving electricity back to thebuilding. However, these people stillhad to live like this for two days on coldnights.

They had little generators outsidethe dorms that were really loud, said EdFillemyr, a freshman living inside Gree-ley. Im kind of used to the noise be-cause of the construction going on rightnext door, but for the people on theother side of the building that arentused to that, they started to complain.

Some classes were also affected bythese power outages. However, it didseem a little confusing how Stony Brookwas putting out these messages. At first,a SOLAR message went out stating thatclasses in the specified buildings werecancelled for the day due to the poweroutages. Later on though, on the web-site it stated that classes were back onbecause the power was back on in thebuildings. This was confusing for some.

On Monday I got a SOLAR mes-sage saying that my class was cancelleddue to the power outages so I didnt go,said Leo DeMino, a senior engineeringmajor. But only half of the Heavy En-gineering building was out of powerand my class was in the half that hadpower, so they held class and I missedmy extra credit assignment.

With the state deficit looming over-head, it is difficult to find ways to fixmajor problems on campuses such asold pipes, but it needs to be done. TheSUNY system needs to find a way to fixthese problems.

asleeponthesubway.comIf Stony Brook were run by pokemon, this is what it would look like.

In the Sports Complex, over by the

dance studio, is a gym that is free to use,and doesnt have any of the restrictionsof the Wellness Center in the SAC. Its asmall, fairly humble place, where weightmachines, a few treadmills and stair-masters occupy the corridor-shapedroom. Most of the machinery is old, andto use it, you need to buy the necessarypins. With no radio playing in the back-ground, and not much chitter-chattergoing on, its a quiet place to work out.The only sound is the clacking of metalor the hum of the cardio machine.Mostly faculty and graduate studentsuse it, although sometimes a few ath-

letes from the varsity gym next doorpop in for a quick set.

The Athletic Department is shut-ting this far from stellar gym to expandthe Varsity weight room, which it feels

is below Division I standards.As of now, the plans are on hold to

expand the weight room as the univer-sity considers various options. Therewill be a brand new gym in the planned

recreation center, but the constructionis expected last more than a year, andeven that number cant be guaranteed.

The regulars there have heard rum-blings about this change for years, butnow the Athletic Department is moreserious. Still, they dont have a place togo. A lot of people depend on it beingso close to work, says Oded Gerber, aprofessor of Neurology who has beenusing the facility for 17 years. And thehours are good too. It opens at 6 a.m.

Jeromino Pan finds the gym conve-niently located in the same building asthe pool, but complains about the qual-

ity. Stuff never gets fixed around here,Pan said. Machines have been brokenfor a while, and the [instruction] stick-ers on the machines are faded away or

peeled off. Ive sent numerous e-mails,but no effective response.

The regular patrons would preferthat the varsity gym be expanded afterthe completion of the recreation center,but the Athletic Department prefers atemporary location. However, there

does not appear to be space available toaccommodate an interim weight room

elsewhere in the Sports Complex.The Athletic Department was

reached for comment but did not re-spond.

Wolfies Workout Plan!

By Eric DiGiovanni

Eric DiGiovanniThat's right put in work, move your ass, go wizzerk, get your salad, no dessert


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The Stony Brook Press 3News

Hotel, Motel, Whatcha Gonna Do Today?

By Natalie Crnosija

While some Stony Brook Universityprofessors express dismay at the possi-bility of a five story, 135 room hotel thatwill be built near the Main Campus En-trance, Research Professor Robert J.Frey of Applied Math and Statistics istaking a different approach entirely. Heis building it.

I am doing this as a good citizen ofthe university, said Frey.

Frey, who specializes in Quantita-tive Finance at SBU, is the President and

CEO of Harbor Construction Manage-ment, LLC, a real estate and construc-tion firm that has been taken on as thetenant of the Stony Brook FoundationRealty, Inc., an extension of the StonyBrook Foundation. The Stony BrookFoundation, a private, nonprofit corpo-ration which raises funds on behalf ofSBU, owns the lease to the 11-acreswathe of forest which separates theuniversity from Nicholls Road. TheNew York State Legislature granted thelease to the Stony Brook Foundation in1989.

The land, located to the south of the

SBU entrance, was granted for the ex-plicit purpose of building a hotel onSBU campus, said Vice President for Fa-cilities & Services Barbara Chernowduring a meeting of the University Sen-ate Environmental Committee.

Chernow explained that since 1989,campus hotel developers interested inbuilding the hotel had wanted direct ac-cess to the hotel from Nicholls Road forcommercial visibility, which wouldcompletely eliminate the forested bufferbetween the highway and the university.These proposals were all rejected bySBU and the Stony Brook Foundation.

Here, we keep the buffer as big aspossible, said Chernow. The groundlease prescribes that there must be theleast amount of negative impact possi-ble. Currently, the hotel and parking isexpected to occupy seven of the 11 acresof the available land with the possibilityof future expansion.

Frey said that he and his companywere the only entity to date who werewilling to follow the parameters thathad been set for on-campus hotel con-struction by the SBU administration.

We offered [the Stony Brook Foun-dation] the best deal financially and met

all the conditions, said Frey, who willearn a modest profit from the hotelsconstruction. Prior to Harbor Con-struction Management, LLCs deal withthe Stony Brook Foundation, Frey was

a trustee on the board of the Stony

Brook Foundation. He stepped downwhen Harbor Construction Manage-ment, LLC was proposed as the sub-leasee for the land.

The hotel itself is being financed byforeign investors, said Frey, withoutSBU investing any capital in the ven-ture. The university will, however, re-ceive three percent ownership equity.

Though the company that willmanage the hotel has not been finalized,both Frey and Chernow said that HiltonGarden Inns would most likely besigned by Harbor Construction Man-agement, LLC as the hotels managers

Hilton Garden Inns Public Rela-tions Officer Dawn Ray said that thecorporations management of the hotelon campus had not yet been finalized,

but said she believed that both SBU andHilton Garden Inns could both benefitfrom the relationship.

We really think its going to be agreat addition to Stony Brook Campusand the Hilton Garden Inn brand, saidRay.

Although the plan is in motion andbuilding plans will be established withinthe next four to five weeks, Chernowsaid the builders must perform an envi-ronmental impact assessment of thearea as per the State Environment andQuality Review Act.

It is the environmental impact of

the hotel that has professors on the Uni- versity Senates Environmental Com-mittee worried. Professor MalcolmBowman of the School of Marine andAtmospheric Sciences said that if Pres-

ident Samuel L. Stanley, Jr. appealed to

the New York State Legislature andasked for another lease in another loca-tion, the forest could be preserved.

If President Stanley sat down withSenator John J. Flanagan (R, C, IP), ifPresident Stanley sat down with StateLegislator Englebright and if PresidentStanley sat down with State Senator KenLaValle, that suitable arrangementcould be made for a new land lease,said Bowman. A new land lease re-quires the agreement of the state legis-lature.

Senator Flanagan said he has heardthe environmental concerns and the

university must determine the best wayto approach the hotel and find a way toprotect the university and its surround-ing areas.

To have an amenity [like the hotel] canonly help, said Flanagan. Stony Brookneeds to continue to reach out to localbusinesses like the Three Village Inn tomake sure what they do is comparable.

Internally, Bowman is looking forthe administration to commit to on-campus environmental protection asformer university President ShirleyStrum Kenny had. Bowman said he hadasked for President Stanleys promise toprotect the Ashley Schiff Nature Pre-serve, a 26-acre wooded area adjacentto Circle Road. Bowman said he re-ceived no answer from the president.

Bowman spoke of an idea proposedseven years ago of a green belt, or anarea which would surround the univer-sity composed of private and publiclands like Claras Woods, the Ashley

Schiff Preserve and the 11 acres of

woods by the main entrance.The removal of 11 acres will fur-ther fragment the habitat [of nativespecies], said Bowman.

Professors are not the only groupthat does not view the hotels construc-tion with enthusiasm. UndergraduateEnvironmental Club President MichellePizer organized a student protestagainst the hotel plans during familyweekend to show students and theirfamilies how students opposed thehotels construction. Pizer said thatPresident Stanley had repeatedly ig-nored her and the clubs concerns re-

garding the hotel.He might perceive that we arefighting with him, said Pizer. He isnot listening unless it is in accordancewith what he believes in.

Pizer stressed that the administra-tion should search for other locationsfor the hotel, like the Student Union.President Stanley responded that theNew York State Legislature was the onlyentity that could grant another leaseand, in this current economic climate,there is not an option to build anywhereelse.

It is very difficult to grow without

making some compromises, said Stan-ley.The hotel is a necessity for the fu-

ture of the university as a research con-ference center and university, saidStanley, because of its proximity to theuniversity itself and the possibility ofhousing Health Center patients fami-lies.Though environmentally-aware facultyoppose the ecological impact of thehotel, faculty like Dr. John Robinson,chair of the University Senate Environ-mental Committee, and ProfessorRobert C. Aller said they recognize the

necessity for the hotel, a site for confer-ences and housing for university andhospital patients.

I am convinced with the need for ahotel, said Robinson. But there aretrees and I feel for them.

Frey said his company would pre-serve the green belt but said the hotelsconstruction was essential for SBU.

Add up students, faculty and pa-tients [of the Stony Brook UniversityHospital], its a city of 40,000 people,said Frey. Its not as if we are openinga Sears on campus. It is fitting in di-rectly with the campus mission.

Chernow similarly emphasized thenecessity for the hotel as an academicconference center. The planned 5,000square feet of conference space in thehotel would be used in conjunction


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The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly duringthe academic year and twice during summer sessionby The Stony Brook Press, a student run non-profit or-ganization funded by the Student Activity Fee. The opin-ions expressed in letters, articles and viewpoints do notnecessarily reflect those of The Stony Brook Press as awhole. Advertising policy does not necessarily reflecteditorial policy. For more information on advertising anddeadlines call (631)632-6451. Staff meetings are heldWednesdays at 1:00 pm. First copy free. Additionalcopies cost fifty cents.

The Stony Brook PressSuites 060 & 061

Student UnionSUNY at Stony Brook

Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200(631) 632-6451 Voice(631) 632-4137 Fax

Email: [email protected]

4

editorialsVol. XXXI, Issue 5 | Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Editorial Board

Executive EditorAndrew Fraley

Managing EditorNajib Aminy

Associate EditorNatalie Crnosija

Business Manager

Erin MansfieldProduction Manager

Tia Quark Ate My Soul Mansouri

News EditorsRaina BedfordLaura Cooper

Features EditorRoss Barkan

Arts EditorDoug Cion

Sports EditorJason Wirchin

Photo EditorEric DiGiovanni

Liz Kaufman

Copy EditorsKelly Yu

Katie KnowltonIris Lin

WebmasterRoman Sheydvasser

AudiomasterJosh Ginsberg

OmbudsmanJames Laudano

Minister of ArchivesAlex H. Nagler

Layout Design by

Jowy Romano

Staff

Kotei AokiVincent BaroneLaina BorutaMatt BraunsteinTony CaiAlex CardozoWhiskers T. ClownMike CusanelliCaroline DAgatiKrystal DeJesusJoe DonatoBrett DonnellyLauren DubinskyNick EatonMichael FelderCaitlin FerrellVincent Michael FestaJoe FilippazzoIlyssa FuchsRob GilheanyDavid Knockout GinnJennifer HandStephanie HayesAndrew JacobLiz KaempfElizabeth KaplanJack KatsmanYong KimRebecca KleinhautIris LinFrank Loiaccono

Kenny MahoneyChris MellidesJustin MeltzerJames MessinaSteve McLindenSamantha MonteleoneRoberto MoyaFrank MylesChris OliveriBen van OvermeierLaura PaesanoGrace PakTim PaulesRob PearsallAamer QureshiKristine RenigenDave RobinJessica RybakJoe SafdiaNatalie SchultzJonathan SingerNick StattRose SlupskiJohn TuckerLena TumasyanMarcel VotluckaAlex WalshBrian WasserMatt WillemainMari Wright-SchmidtJie Jenny Zou

After Campus Residences evacu-ated Roosevelt and Kelly Quads lastwinter over some broken pipes and apesky lack of heat, residents thought theworst of their troubles were over. Littledid they know that the new year wouldbring new problems, new inconven-iences and new safety hazards.

Residents of Roosevelt Quad spenttwo hours on October 25 withoutpower, only to find their hot waterwould be lost as well. Not that theycould check their email for updateswhen they had no power and are theonly quad on campus without wireless

Internet.The following night, they sufferedanother power outage. The kicker? Thisone outlasted the generators and emer-gency lights, leaving hundreds of stu-dents to lurk the halls of dark, unlockedbuildings without working fire alarms.Resident Assistants confirmed that theyhad to spend the night patrolling thehallways for fires. Residents complainedthat by the time they got power back,they still couldnt shower in their ownbuildings because of the lack of hot

water.Campus Residences has made noform of apology to these students eitherin the form of an email, for whichtheyve become infamous, or in theform of a monetary refund.

President Stanley has already advo-cated raising tuition. But on a campusthat forces most passers-by to scoff atthe incessant construction, that cantfinish one project before starting an-other, and maintains a ranking on ThePrinceton Review for unhappy students,whom does he plan to attract? Perhapsprospective students can step on a rusty

nail and be moved by the swift andpainless tetanus shots at the SBU Med-ical Center. (Its right next door, guys!)

President Stanley, you would neversend your kids to an institution withthis much rampant ineptitude. So takecontrol. Campus Residences is chargingstudents more than $6,000 per year fordormitories lacking basic 20th-centurytechnology, and they show no remorse.What do you have to say for yourself?

Students, youre being taken for aride by a university that your parents

fund with their tax dollars. But youronly effort towards standing up againstsuch mistreatment is creating a Face-book group. Its a cute start, but its timeto make your statement into a cam-paign.

You want reimbursement? Write aletter. Stand outside of President Stan-leys office until he has no choice but tolisten to you. Its on the third floor of theAdministration Building. His officenumber is (631) 632-6265.

Pissed about those e-mails thatthank you for your patience? Call theguy who writes them at (631) 632-6750

or the campus residences financial di-rector at (631) 632-6921. Tell them, Pa-tience my ass!

And Campus Residences: Take$6,000, divide it by the number of days(including weekends) in the school year,and multiply it by the amount of bull-shit you put your residents throughevery year. Send a check for thatamount to each affected student, andbeg for our forgiveness. Its time for youto answer to us for a change.

Campus Residences Takes You to the Cleaners

Write fo e P!

Meetings Every Wednesday at 1PM, Union Building 060

Because ey Cant Machine Wash You in a Building with no Power

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5The Stony Brook Press

news

When members of the Social Jus-tice Alliance invited Palestinian poetRemi Kanazi to perform at Stony BrookUniversity, they were worried that theevent would turn into an emotional andheated argument between pro-Israeliand pro-Palestinian supporters.

Last year, the SJA had screened adocumentary, Occupation 101, whichhighlighted the Palestinian plight in thePalestinian-Israeli conflict encited fakefliers and a salient police presence. Afterthe film was shown, supporters fromboth camps argued that the opposingside was to blame and were biased intheir views.

I was expecting sort of the samething and was relieved that it didnt hap-pen, said Alex Saiu, president of theSJA. I just wanted everyone to enjoythe show. As the event winded down,there were no protests, no shoutingmatches or heated arguments. It endedwith a conversation amongst those inattendance about what they had justheard.

I am relieved, concluded Saiu.For roughly one hour, Brooklyn

resident Kanazi recited poetry that re-flected his American born Palestinian-rooted background and his views on theconflict in the Middle East.

I was the dark kid, trying to be awhite kid acting like a black kid in mymiddle class economy. But my momdidnt speak this language perfectly.And I was reminded with certainty, myname wasnt Ali or Punjabi MC, notKhalid, Rashid, or anyone from Al-addins family, I was just me, recitedKanazi, to a diverse crowd of roughly40, from his poem, Palestinian Iden-tity.

Kanazi, who is bulky and hadblown his hair back, was born in West-ern Massachusetts to Palestinian par-ents who had immigrated from theregion. Straying away from his parentswishes to become a doctor or engineer,Kanazi began writing poems after hisfrustration with the way middle-east-

erners and south Asians were being

treated in the early months and yearsafter 9/11.The second that you let people

push you into a position where you feelafraid to speak your mind, when thiscountry was founded or was supposedto be founded on civil liberties and free-dom of speech and freedom of ideas, iswhen you become a second class citi-zen, Kanazi said.

Since writing his thoughts into linesand stanzas, from topics about his iden-tity as a Palestinian-American to his

personal experiences in Palestine,Kanazi has turned it into his profession.He founded PoeticInjustice, a blog heupdates on matters related to the mid-dle-east conflict and the wars inAfghanistan and Iraq and has put to-gether a compilation of poems in the

book, Poets for Palestine.Im not going to be ashamed andIm not going to be afraid to speak mymind on this issue in the same regardthat I wouldnt want to silence anothercommunity who is going through asimilar human rights issue, saidKanazi, who alleviated the severity ofthe matter with jokes about his life,

common stereotypes and his appear-

ance.It was an interesting event thattackled the pathos of the issue and hithome that people arent involved in thesituation, said sophomore Dustin Pe-ters, 19, of Auburn, Maine. He tried tokeep it as light hearted as possible be-cause its such a serious issue, but duringhis poetry, it came out, and he was verypassionate about the issue, said Peters,a sociology major and Middle Easternstudies minor.

But its funny being seen. I know, I

look like the terrorist in that movie.Yup, the biggest nose in three countries.Yet, I think I figure it out eventually. Ima Palestinian-American, standingproudly with one foot on democracy,and the other seeking autonomywhilethe media tries to rewrite my peoples

history, Kanazi said, moving aroundfrom one side of the audience to theother.

In the audience was sophomoreNoureen Rahman, 19, of Queens, who,like Kanazi, has taken to spoken wordand the topic of Palestine. This is theepitomy of what my life is, said Rah-man, whose parents migrated from

Bangladesh. Rahman said she was pro-

Palestinain, but after listening toKanazi, she said that she would recon-sider the message in her poems andfocus on pro-equality, the message con-veyed by Kanazi.

Its kind of something we have togrow up, especially our generation, wehave to learn how to say things, meanthem, defend them, but still understandat the end of the day were not supposedto be hostile to each other, Rahmansaid. Its a friendly environment, its justwe have different opinions and it shouldbe an open discussion and I feel thatsreally hard.

But Kanazi said attempts to facili-tate discussion in a coordinated mannerare less effective then intended. If weare going to meet for a cumbayah, letshug it out circle, well most of thoseevents have been a way to mask some-body who is coming from a position ofstrength from the position of the pow-erless, Kanazi said. I dont want tomeet on Israeli terms or Palestinianterms. I want to meet on equalityterms, he said, adding, I am not anethnocentrist, Im not fighting to freePalestine so they can act like Israel.

Arslan Rahman, 18, of Brooklyn,

had attended last years Occupation 101screening and noticed how muchcalmer the event was. Arslan, a sopho-more majoring in political science witha concentration on international rela-tions, found the event represented thepoets views and the listener couldchoose to take it or leave it.

I think its really great this eventwas done, Asrlan said. Palestine is anissue thats not really talked about a lotand definitely something we should seemore of.

Dressed in inexpensive, casualAmerican clothing, Kanazi defined

both who he was and his cause.You see these schemes arent just adream. Its what I say, know, and mean.And one day the truth will be seen withtransparency. So I step forward, a partof a team: the true essence of what I be-lieve to be, American Palestinian iden-tity, Kanazi recited.

Poet for Palestine

By Najib Aminy

Dan WoulfinRemi Kanazi spittin his poems.


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6 Vol. XXXI, Issue 5 | Wednesday, November 11, 2009News

Maybe ey Shouldve Aborted iCare...

By Samuel Katz

TheiCare advertising supplementthat was in the October 8 issue ofTheStatesman has circulated through cam-pus stirring controversy along the way.Many have expressed concern about thecontents of the ad and judging from themultiple responses released by TheStatesman. On October 25, The States-man defended the publishing of the adcalling it a clearly labeled advertisingsupplement.

When this organization ap-

proached the advertising department,staff carefully reviewed the pamphletand considered its potential impact onStatesman readers before agreeing torun it, the statement read.

On October 28 senior MeghanShalvoy decided to go a step further tooppose the controversial newspaper in-sert and get students to sign a petitiondemanding that The Statesman refusesuch advertisements in the future.Joined by professors Kelliann Flores andRitch Calvin from the Womens andGender Studies department at StonyBrook, Shlavoy set up a table at the Sprit

Lounge in the Stony Brook Union to in-form students about the misleadingfacts of the ad. Amongst the papersgiven out by Shalvoy were refutations ofmany of the scientific claims made in

the iCare supplement. With quotesfrom the World Health Organization

and the Journal of the AmericanMedical Association pointing to falseclaims made in the iCare supple-ment, Shalvoy called the ad, sensa-tional [and] clearly promoting anagenda.

Shalvoy says that the response tothe petition has so far been positive.The only negative response I get isfrom claims of freedom of press, shesaid. Publications on campus shouldhave more respect for their commu-nity. This is advertising of a specificagenda. This is not science.

Expressing her concern about

the ads, Flores said the ad was falsein the information it presented. Youhave too look closely to see that it isnot an ad, Flores said. ProfessorCalvin added that the risk of such ad-vertisement is that it creates a hostileenvironment for students who mightchoose to have an abortion. Ads likethese, he said, make students feel si-lenced and judged.

[Abortion] is a difficult deci-sion, too often the element of choicedoesnt show up in the literature. Its notanti-child; its about choice, Flores said.

Shalvoy points out that the Long Is-

land Life Center, which advertisesweekly in The Statesman, is with a sim-ilar anti-choice agenda. And the re-sources those places claim to provideare available for students on campus

through the Student Health Center andthe University Counseling Center.

The Statesman said that it carefully

reviewed the pamphlet and consideredthe potential impact on Statesman read-ers before agreeing to run it, butShalvoy points out, this is a question ofintegrity. Not only is it dishonorable to

disseminate such biased and sensationalinformation, Shalvoy said, it is poten-tially harmful to the health of its read-

ers.To find out more about the petitionyou can email:[email protected].

And what about rape and incest? This thing has all the pseudo-scientific answers you crave!

HOTEL CALIFORNIA continued from page 3

with the Wang Center and the Si-mons Center for Geometry andPhysics, the latter of which is stillunder construction. This triad ofconference space, said Chernow,

would turn SBU into an ideal loca-tion for academic conferences andraise SBUs profile.In order to mitigate the environ-mental impact of forest clearing, thehotel would be following Leader-ship in Energy and EnvironmentalDesign (LEED) specifications ac-cording to Public Relations OfficerLauren Sheprow. SBUs other LEEDbuilding, a library, was just openedon Southampton Campus, a SBUsatellite where sustainability andenvironmental consciousness iscapitalized upon as a shining virtue.

Pizer said she believedSBU, on the whole, tries to be green,but added that this consciousness isnot uniform.

I think if Stony Brook wanted

to go green, there wouldnt be onlyone school dedicated to sustainabil-ity, said Pizer.

Aller, a member of the Univer-sity Senate Environmental Com-

mittee and professor in the Schoolof Marine and Atmospheric Sci-ences, similarly cited SBUs patchyapproach to sustainability.

The minimal destructionof natural forested areasis a set of values, said Aller. There is thiscant do attitude [towards findingother sites] because destruction isthe easiest thing to do.

With the forests fate all but de-termined, arguments against thehotels construction seem to havelittle affect on the plans to push for-ward. However impassioned the

debate, students, faculty and the ad-ministration seem to share in thebenefits of SBUs continuing expan-sion by the exchange of one type ofgreen for another.

Andrew FraleyA shot of Admin Parking with the forest in question in the background. Its hard to see. Whatevs


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The Stony Brook Press 7News

USG Senates approval of an act

that created a staff for the Vice Pres-

ident of Student Life, Programming

and Activities nearly fizzled into a

filibuster twice during the Novem-

ber 5th USG Senate meeting. The

Office of Student Life, Program-

ming and Activities Act stipulates

that the Vice President of Student

Life, Programming and Activities

can have an unspecified number of

paid agents to act as his proxies dur-

ing administrative meetings and

manage paperwork for up to 20

hours per week. The act was ap-

proved by twelve votes, with two

votes against the act and five ab-

stentions.

Vice President Student Life,

Programming and Activities KeithTilley, a fifth year Political Science

and Philosophy student, proposed

the act and argued that the require-

ments of the office, as written in the

constitution, were too demanding

for any official to fulfill within any

given week without the help of

agents. Apart from the addition of

assistants, Tilley proposed stricter fi-

nancial oversight of the Roth Re-

gatta and Brookfest, both of which

are campus-wide student events

funded by USG.

The proposed act was tacked

immediately with an amendment

and a side of senatorial dissent.

The amendment to the act, pre-

sented by Senator Daniel Graber,aimed to eliminate passages of the

act that had been copied from the

USG Constitution with regard to the

scope of Vice Presidential responsi-

bilities and agent employment.

Tilley argued that because the pas-

sages of the Office of Student Life,

Programming and Activities Act

were nearly exact echoes of the

USG Constitution they should re-

main intact. The Senate voted down

the amendment by twelve votes,

with six in favor and one abstention.

Apart from the attemptedamendment, Senator Runyu Fan

said Tilleys proposal for a paid staff

to help him manage the responsibil-

ities was a way to for Tilley to shirk

the responsibilities of his office.

So [the responsibilities of the

VP of Student Life, Programming

and Activities] are too much to han-

dle? There are too many agents, that

means you are avoiding your job,

said Fan.

The vice president of Student

Life, Programming and Activities

oversees the Student Activities

Board, sits on the University Senate

Committee for Student Life, must

have frequent meetings with Dean

of Students Jerrold L. Stein and var-

ious administrators and manage

ALERT, the program which pro-

vides low-price LIRR tickets to stu-

dents. Tilley said he knew the terms

of his office when he was elected,

but the requirements were impossi-

ble to fulfill and would have to be

changed.

There are just so many hours in

a week, said Tilley. [The Office of

Student Life, Programming and Ac-

tivities Act] is what I came up with.

Vice President of Academic Af-fairs Shamell Forbes lent his support

to the creation of Tilleys office and

staff. Other USG offices, like that of

the Treasurer and the Vice Presi-

dents of Academic Affairs and Com-

munications and Public Relations

have agents to help manage their of-

ficers workload.

The office needs a staff, said

Forbes. The act doesnt reflect the

person, it reflects the position.

Previous Vice Presidents of Stu-

dent Life, Programming and Activi-

ties have been impeached because

of their inability to manage the man-

ifold responsibilities of the office as

stipulated in the USG Constitution.

Tilley assured that the Senate

will have oversight power and con-

trol the number of agents that could

be hired and paid. He also assured

that agents would not be paid for

more than 20 hours of work and that

only four of these hours could be

spent out of the office, attending rel-

evant committee meetings.

Senator Aneta Bose found fault

in Tilleys need for paid assistants.

Bose, a member of SAB, opposedTilleys proposed sending of paid

agents to SAB meetings which are

open to the student body.

I dont think you need to attend

meetings, said Bose. I dont think

anyone should be paid for attending

SAB meetings. Nobody gets paid

for it.

Tilley asserted that he, as vice

president of his office, is required to

attend SAB meetings and is paid for

it as per the USG Constitution.

Though the Senate ultimately ruled

in favor of Tilleys act, the floor wasdominated by debate over the act

and its amendment in excess of half

an hour. Senator Syed Haq called

the debate to question for both the

amendment to the act and the act it-

self, which forced the end of debate

and a vote.

Newly-elected Senator Deborah

Machalow said Haq feared that the

Senate would be mired in debate

without a result, forcing discussion

to continue late into the night.

Machalow said she supported the

Office of Student Life, Program-

ming and Activities Act.

If [Tilleys] job is easier, then

he will attend to student needs much

easier, said Machalow.

Paying for Proxies

By Natalie Crnosija

The office needs astaff, said Forbes.The act doesnt re-

flect the person, it re-flects the position.

So [the responsibili-ties of the VP of Student

Life, Programming andActivities] are too much

to handle?


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8

featuresVol. XXXI, Issue 5 | Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Purple Prophesy

Whether it is the name of an Africanchild for whom she fostered educationdecades ago, or a university student who en-countered her iconic purple persona today,Sister Margaret Ann Landry never forgets aname.

Landry, 78, is one of almost 60,000 re-ligious sisters in the United States, accordingto the 2008 United States Catholic Demo-graphic.

Landry is a profound example of awoman religious who has dedicated herself

to an altruistic life of serving others as a mis-sionary, teacher and advisor. In her wise andseasoned 78 years, Landry has touched liveson local, national, and global levels.

Landrys life has inspired others to lookat themselves with a more critical eye. Notonly has she reminded others that a strongfaith isnt necessary to be a good person, butshe has also continuously emphasized thepower of good. She has built bridges amongcommunities and individual persons, en-couraging them to get involved in justiceand peace issues.

Roger Keller, Professor of Church His-tory and Doctrine at Bringham Young Uni-

versity, said that despite the salientresponsibilities of being a missionary, themissionary life is risky with unforeseeabledangers. The one thing about being a reli-gious missionary is that you can be sentanywhere and you lay your life on the linebecause you have no attachments, Dr.Keller said. Nuns have lost their lives acrossthe world because they will go where theybelieve God sends them.

Clementine, Cecilia, Frederick, Silas,Nyamedzawo, she recalled. I remember all40 of their names, Landry said of theAfrican students she taught. I always re-member names.

Rhodesia, the present-day war tornZimbabwe where Landry was sent to be amissionary in the 1960s, was safe whenLandry was missionary there, although shecould feel the tensions rising between theAfricans and the British who ownedRhodesia.

She called her missionary work inRhodesia her Peace Corps stint despitebeing assigned to go to Africa by herProvincial. She said that being exposed toanother culture was a very rewarding expe-rience that she carries with her today.

Despite Landrys own hope to spreadthe glory of God in Rhodesia, the program

did not come without qualms. Her initialconcern was that she was teaching at aMarymount school in the British ruledRhodesia.

Why would I want to teach white, af-

fluent students in Africa when I could do so

in America? Landry said. As a result, shebecame a catalyst for change, advocacy andreform by petitioning to her supervisors tobegin a mission at St. Killians to teach theAfrican students. Not only was she success-ful in this endeavor, but it presaged the con-cern and commitment she would show fora vast amount of students in the future.

Landry recalled a time when Clemen-tine, a young girl, approached her to leaveschool early to go to her mothers funeral. Afew weeks later, Landry said Clementine ap-proached her yet again. May I go home soI can go to my mothers funeral? Clemen-tine asked.

Landry thought the girl was up to nogood. Clementine, Landry recalled saying,You already went to your mothers funeral.

No, Sister, this is the mother fromwhose womb I came, Clementine replied.

Landry went quiet for a few secondsand then said that in Rhodesian culture, allmale and female elders were referred to asfather and mother, respectively.

She said of these students, They sawme as someone who really cared. She alsogained a new appreciation for the Rhode-sian culture.

Brother Tony LoGalbo, director for theCenter for Franciscan Spirituals and Spiri-

tual Direction at St. Francis of Assisi inManhattan, called his three years as a mis-sionary in Brazil very positive. I was a kindand compassionate presence, Bro. LoGalbosaid of his impact on the fifth grade studentshe taught in Brazil. We preach by exam-ple.

As one of approximately 850 mission-aries worldwide with the Christian andMissionary Alliance, John Ellenbergeragreed that the missionary experience is alife-changing one indeed. It gave me a per-spective of the need to honor other peoplein their own cultures that I would have inno other way, the elderly Ellenberger said

of his 27 years of missionary experience onthe island of Java. It expanded my hori-zons, my understanding and appreciationof people and their unusual cultures that Ibelieve are a gift of God.

Both Landrys impact and sacrifice forthe African students is undeniable.

The students were so upset I left,Landry recalled. After the experience,Landry admitted to crying every time shebumped into an African because shemissed them so dearly.

During Landrys Rhodesian stint, thehistoric Vatican Council II sent shockwavesacross the Catholic world, impacting

women of the church and eventually creat-ing Landrys iconic purple persona.However, purple didnt come so easily

to Sister Margaret at first.If I didnt make that move, I may have

been entrenched in an old way of life and I

wouldnt have progressed, Landry ex-claimed proudly. I would have regressed.The move refers to Landrys rebirth

as a contemporary woman following theVatican Council II. This Council of theRoman Catholic Church was convoked byPope John XXIII and continued by PopePaul VI in the mid 1960s. Its purpose wasspiritual renewal and reconsideration ofboth the role and position of the Church inthe modern world.

I was reluctant at first to make thechange, Landry said demurely. Womenwere contained and the thought of thischange was a freeing, yet scary new way of

life. Landry changed her name from the re-ligious Mother Immaculee, to her baptismalname of Margaret Ann. She converted hername and her appearance, yet continuedher commitment to God.

Sister Rose Anthony Waklshk, OP, ofQueen of the Holy Rosary Convent in Ami-tyville, NY related to Landrys experience,echoing Pope John XXII, saying All thechurches needed fresh air.

The change into contemporary attirewas gradual, as habits should suit the type of

work youre doing, Waklshk explained.

Since then, sisters have more respon-sibility to make decisions to help peopleacross the world.

Dr. Jane Linahan, professor of system-atic theology at St. Bonaventure Universitysaid one of the major themes of the VaticanCouncil II was acknowledging the dignityof the human person. It was important tounderstand that the world had changed inregards to the attitude towards women,Linahan said. It was a step forward out of apatriarchal society.

With increased dignity in hand follow-ing the Vatican Council II and her rebirth,Landry continued living up to her commit-ment and disciplines as a Religious of the

Sacred Heart of Mary. Dedicated to educa-tion, she served God much like the army,navy, and marines serve their country, shesaid.

Landry recalled that she was often as-signed to certain tasks not only because shewas a religious, but also because she was awoman in the Catholic Church.

The first choice in Landrys religiouslife was to be the assistant director of ad-missions at Marymount College. Makingthis decision was a major step for me,Landry said. We were usually told wherewe would be and we were not used to op-tions or choices.

Not only was it Landrys first profes-sional choice, but it also shaped her passion.She continues this today at Stony BrookUniversity not only as the Chaplain at theCatholic Campus Ministry in the InterfaithCenter, but also as an advisor for a half-dozen student clubs and organizations.

Richard Gatteau, director of the Aca-demic and Pre-Professional Advising Cen-ter, said of Landry, She is an incrediblestudent advocate and is probably the mostwell-known person on campus. Gatteauadded that Landry makes him feel part ofsomething bigger. I am on the prayerchain, and when I receive an e-mail askingfor support for another member of ourcampus from Sister Margaret, it remindsme that I work at a special place that valuesthe importance of the human spirit.

By Bernie Lubell

Nuns have losttheir lives across theworld because theywill go where theybelieve God sends

them


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9The Stony Brook Press

features

Sanhita Reddy, a senior majoring in health science, notedLandrys distinct universalityamong students. I worked withher last year at the 9/11 memo-rial, Reddy said. She was so gra-cious to everyone whoparticipated, and really made theeffort to mix all the groups of peo-

ple who were there to rememberthat day.

Reddy, who has workedclosely with Sister Margaret in theStudent Ambassador Program,added, I love that she has such anopen-door policy and seems to al-ways remember what Im doingwith my spare time whether it beinternships, clubs, or even home-work from class.

Jerrold L. Stein, dean of stu-dents and associate vice presidentfor student affairs, has workedclosely with Landry during her 20 years at

Stony Brook. She provides continuity, sta-bility and strength, Stein said. Her will-ingness to give so much of her time toadvise and mentor led to an award being

named in her HonorThe Sister MargaretAnn Landry Lifetime Achievement Awardfor Advisement.

Landry, who describes herself as en-thusiastic, spiritual, and caring, thinks stu-dents see her as caring and loving person

who doesnt discriminate against any classor religion.

Sister Margaret Ann Landry believesThe glory of God is a person fully alive.To those who may be skeptical of her com-mitment to God, she offers a wise remark.

A person can give glory to God even if theydont believe you could be a humane per-son, doing the right thing, Landry saidwith a smile.

Now thats deep, she added with asmirk.

PROPHESY continued from page 8

Andrew FraleyThats Landry, not laundry.

Write Until Your Lile Hands Bleed

National Novel Writing Month is an annual chal-lenge to produce a 50,000 word novel in the month ofNovember. Its frantic, nerve-wracking, and chancesare your final product wont be the next Catcher in theRye or Ulysses to hit the bookstands.

But that doesnt matter. NaNoWriMo is aboutmotivation, not quality. How many people have youmet whove said, Yeah, Im working on a novel.Everyone acts impressed and they feel better becausetheyre so creative and smart and can leave their jobat Starbucks anytime. Then they can live out theirdream of being a famous writer and have white peopletell them how awesome they are. NaNoWriMo kicksthose pretentious douchebags in the balls (or ovaries)and says, You want be a writer? Then do it!

Lets look at why it works. First off, it gives adefinitive deadline: midnight, November 30th. Eventhe laziest of us can obey a deadline for a paper forclass. 30 days? you say, burning your barista apron,Ive done 10-page papers in one night! Sure, butthats when you have the convenience of copy-pastingfrom Wikipedia. You have to come up with 50,000 ofyour own words, for a story you make up.

Second, it establishes a daily habit of writing,or at the very least making your time productive. Forthe math inhibited, to meet the deadline, youd need totype 1667 words a day. Finally, it encourages enthu-

siasm for something of your own creation. Only suck-ers get psyched for school papers. You get a grade,thats it. No one ever speaks of that time you wrote afive-page paper telling exactly one person what string

theory is. With your novel, you can share it with any-one and everyone, and actually have a reason to takepride in it.

50,000 words. 30 days. 1 novel. Can you dothe write thing?

ByEric DiGiovanni

James Joyce spent slightly more than a month writing Ulysses


10/32

Part I: The Challenge

Ive got beef with East Asia. Specifically, the factthat theyve got beef. More than me. Consistently. Thatdoesnt sit well with me. Not that the amount of foodsoon to be discussed could possibly sit well in my stom-ach, but thats beside the point. Im more than willing toinflict grievous harm on my body when principles areon the line.

You may be aware of the moderately popular fastfood franchise known as Burger King. You may also beaware of the corporate behemoth called Mi-crosoft. Well, they teamed up. For the launch of

Windows 7, the latest iteration of Microsoftsnear-ubiquitous operating system, Burger Kingrolled out a Windows 7 Whopper. This culinaryimprobability promised to combine the exquisiteflavor and inherent health risks of Burger Kingsflagship sandwich with the sheer, inconceivablesize of the Redmond-based software giant bystacking seven patties between its golden buns.

The news of this new scion of sliders caused mybrain to skip past questioning the marketingsense of promoting grandiose claims of a newproducts benefits by coupling it with a foodwhose name is synonymous with lies and hopright on into fantasizing about the burger.Matthews-esque shivers raced down my leg. Its

towering, brazenly inconvenient height cata-pulted it into the realm of pure art. Form overfunction, indeed.That, of course, was when I finished reading thesentence and saw that it was exclusive to Japan.Memories of the betrayal of the BK Seven-Inchercame flooding back. (Its exactly what it soundslike. A cheeseburger stretched out to the size of aseven-inch hero. The ad campaign was an almostinsultingly blunt fellatio reference. I drove tenmiles to get the damn thing only to find out it wasreleased in Singapore.) Asians only. I knew therewas only one way to vent this rage.

I tweeted about it.

PlanesNoSnakes: Unhappy that the Windows 7 Whop-per is only in Japan. I want seven layers, damnit!rhymeswithhappy@PlanesNoSnakes The whopperhas 2 patties, right? Thats 800 calories. 7 patties? Basicmath says Windows 7 whopper clocks in at 2,700rhymeswithhappy@PlanesNoSnakes thats not food.thats a dare.rhymeswithhappy @PlanesNoSnakes ps - this week-end were buying 4 whoppers, building this burger, andmaking you eat it.

I decided then and there that I would do it. For theAmerican people, who gave birth to both Windows andthe Whopper, who fought for the idea that anythingworth doing was even more worth doing if you could

add more beef, and who steadfastly refused to concedethat bigger is anything other than better, I would buildand consume that monstrous sandwich!

PlanesNoSnakes @rhymeswithhappy Youre on, bitch.

Be warned: Im hungry for victory.p0pr0cks518 @PlanesNoSnakes consuming well overthe daily amount of calories in a single sandwich know-ingly? Your blood will turn to sludgep0pr0cks518 @rhymeswithhappy were giving@PlanesNoSnakes a death darerhymeswithhappy@p0pr0cks518 lol

President Obama and will.i.am warned me thiswould happen.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorusof cynics; they will only grow louder and more disso-nant.Weve been asked to pause for a reality check.

Weve been warned against offering the people of

this nation false hope.But in the unlikely story that is America, there hasnever been anything FALSE about hope.

Fuck the haters, this was to be my challenge. Andwhen I completed it, standing atop the summit of myown greasy Everest, I would go ahead and brush myshoulders off.

Part II: The Attempt

After much anticipation, the day was finally uponme. The cast was as follows: Erin (p0pr0cks518), thelooks; Dan, the muscle; Matt (rhymeswithhappy), thewild card; and Cassandra, the youth. Astonishingly, inlight of what youre about to read, I had been designatedthe brains of this outfit. The conditions were ominous.Matts eleven year old sister the aforementioned youth had come to visit, and a sky full of menacing rainclouds followed closely behind. I tried to keep my food

intake light as we traveled through the soggy streets ofManhattan in search of Halloween pumpkins. Whenthe time came for the challenge, I had only eaten an ap-petizer plate of fried calamari at Puglias (a small restau-rant in Little Italy with good food, lousy service and anendearingly creepy shrine to an Elvis impersonator)and a blondie from Magnolias.

The L deposited us back in Bushwick and the trekto the Myrtle/Seneca Burger King was on. Upon arriv-ing, we found that our earlier estimate of calories wasflawed - the Whoppers a one-patty affair. At least wewouldnt be discarding any patties. My order: two TripleWhoppers, a Whopper, and a medium Dr. Pepper. Totalcalorie count on the three sandwiches came to an in-credible 3,100. It was at this point that I realized I would

not be eating the cupcakes I had saved from Mag-nolias any time soon.

Back at the apartment, the first task was con-struction. After establishing the first Triple Whop-per as my foundation stone, I shucked theremaining beef patties from their coverings andstacked them up. At long last I was face to facewith my opponent, perhaps the only specimen ofits kind in the Western hemisphere. Like the olddude fromJurassic Park , I had tampered with theorder of things, introducing a mighty force intoan environment that had no place for it. I felt myhair stand on end as fight or flight kicked in, butErin had already grabbed her camera so I had toact tough. You know, for America.

As all present gathered to watch, I hefted theawkwardly tall burger and took my first bite. Post-bite examination showed that I had barely made adent. Laughter was general as I pulled a fork andknife from the drawer. Lest you look down on meat this point, dear reader, I will remind you thatbetween the two sesame seed buns on my plate lay1.74 pounds of beef. Thats nearly a kilo of cow.

Progress after that first bite was fairly slow.Seven Whoppers worth of beef with one Whop-pers worth of toppings gets dry and dull fast. ButLauren Walsh didnt raise a quitter. I kept trudgingon, consuming more and more despite rapidlydisappearing hunger. Cassandras presence wasvery helpful. Whenever I slowed my pace shedglance at her phone and disapprovingly informme of how long I was taking. Theres really noth-

ing like being judged by a fifth grader to restore flag-ging motivation.

About two awful hours after first bite I sat staring atone last chunk of cold beef on my plate next to a singlesolitary pickle slice. No feast has ever appeared moredaunting. With shaking hands I positioned the re-maining food on my fork and raised it a few inches. Danalerted everyone that I was about to finish. As the chal-lengers gathered, the journey from plate to mouth re-sumed. Here I made a critical mistake. Rather thanmechanically shoving the last remains of the Whopperinto my face, I thought about eating it. A wave of nau-sea rocked my body harder than a Timberlake jam.

I took a moment to settle down, then tried to eat itagain. No dice. The gathering adjourned from the liv-ing room to the bathroom. Just in case.

I was determined not to lose on the boss fight, butfor the life of me I couldnt bring myself to do anything

10 Vol. XXXI, Issue 5 | Wednesday, November 11, 2009

e Quest for the Windows 7 Whopper

ByAlexWalsh

Delish!

Features


11/32

The Stony Brook Press 11Features

Want your club/organization to be featured in a future Club Spotlight?E-mail The Pressat

[email protected]

Pretentious Douche Wont Shut Up About Sartre

By Ross BarkanA pretentious douchebag claimed

that Jean-Paul Sartre, a 20th centuryFrench existentialist philosopher, canonly be properly comprehended inFrench, according to eye-rolling

Stony Brook University sources.The 21 year-old unnamed asshole

floated around Tabler Quad for twohours, lecturing to any students inearshot that no one can possiblyunderstand Sartres core tenets un-less they are fluent in the Frenchlanguage. Cradling a bottle of Jack

Daniels and a two dollar cigar, theshallow douche with-his-head-so-far-up-his-own-asshole-he cant-see-the-light-of-day interruptedmultiple conversations to spread hisunfounded and wholly invalidviewpoint

Excuse eh moo-ah, par lay voofrancess? the fucker asked in bro-ken, deplorable French to no one inparticular. Is anyone acquaintedwith the works of Jean-PaulSartre?

When freshman Randy Finkel-stein enthusiastically and foolishlyresponded that he had read and en- joyed Sartres landmark playNoExit, the arrogant fetus-head im-mediately launched into a threeminute and 24 second diatribe aboutthe poor quality of English translationsof Sartres work.

Its a shame you read No ExitinEnglish already, said the smug prick.Did you know that Huis Clos, theFrench name of the play, actually trans-lates to In Closed Wells? I bet you did-nt. Americans are so ignorant theythink Sartre actually wanted his play tobe called No Exit. No Exit, really? Thenwhy does the exit door open in the play?Exactly.

The incorrect translation of HuisClos (Behind Closed Doors) did not sstop the cock-gobbling dunce and Great

Neck, Long Island native from harass-ing other students during the evening

gathering. When junior Rick Black ar-gued that he understood existentialistphilosophy even though he didnt knowFrench, the shit-tongued ass clown whonever actually lived in Montpellier,

France as he falsely claimed at an AlphaNu Omega frat party last Friday, toldBlack that he didnt know what the hellhe was talking about.

If you understood even rudimen-tary French, you would know that exis-tentialism has nothing to do with manfeeling anguished because he is com-pletely free to carve his own destiny, hesaid as he chugged the last half of theJack Daniels and pulled out a can of

Coors Light from his pants pocket, inFrench, destiny, or destinee, is a cognateof destinau and purlieu, meaning envi-ronmental despair, and as everyone inEurope knows, is an indicator that true

Existentialism is more Freudian, Prous-tian, and Lincolnian than actually be-

lieved.As the verbal diarrhea continued

to pour from his mouth, some studentstried to intervene and save the night.Local hero Jim Pesci, a senior and phi-

losophy major, calmly explained to thetotal ponce that his interpretation of ex-istentialism was not based in any kindof fact. Even after Pesci correctlypointed out that Sartre could not havepossibly served in World War I (he wasthirteen when World War I ended in1918), the misguided fecal-heartedmoron insisted that Sartres philosophywas a direct response to his service as alatrine operator in the war and that

Pesci didnt know this because he nevertook Introduction to French in 5th

grade.Seriously man, you gotta back

down, he said, pushing Pesci aside and

making his way toward a female withlarge breasts. Im philosophizing.

The asshole with no regard for his-tory or people then proceeded to spreadhis pseudo-philosophical detritusamong the female population of Tabler.The self-described metaphysical wiz-

ard asked freshman AshleyPopovich if she had read any Sartreor Camus. When she responded noand began to walk away, the faux-in-tellectual fucknut seized her shoul-der and began speaking barelydiscernable French.

Mon cheri, mon cheri, wait!Havent you ever wondered aboutwhy were really here? When

Popovich timidly responded yes,the complete and utter waste ofhuman life filled the air with anothervapid and worthless monologue thatwasted the time of everyone within asix mile radius.

You see, Ashley, the world is acomplicated place. No one knowshow we got here. And Sartre, a truemaster of Darwins theory of thermalemotion, realized that God is like theSun. He makes stuff grow and shinesbut you just dont know where he isor where he came from. Thats whywere all unhappy.

The Sun is a G-type main se-quence star located 93 million milesfrom the Earth. Clearly not armedwith this knowledge, the rotting tree

stump of a human being attempted totouch Popovichs breast before she fi-nally scurried away.

I can teach you French! heshouted to the uncomfortable onlook-ers who could learn more Frenchbrowsing Wikipedia in five minutesthan the brain-dead fucker will absorbin his entire existence.

As of press time, the living-chal-lenged Francophile has yet to have sex

with any women.

more than grimace at the paltry scrapswhose continued existence heaped moreand more shame on me with each pass-ing moment. Once again lifting the fork,I put on a brave face but faltered at thelast moment.

Just put it in your mouth, Erin of-fered helpfully. That was the tippingpoint.

Oh no I groaned, pivoting from

my plate. This is happening. This ishappening!

My failure was complete.It took me some time to come to

terms with what had happened. For toolong I cursed the whole affair. I hadfailed, I thought. The Windows 7 Whop-per was a vile, cruel joke after all, and its

creators black hearted men who carednot for the lives they shattered. But thenext morning, my spirits lifted by a deli-cious Western omelet at the KelloggDiner, I made a breakthrough.

All along, I said I was doing this forAmerica. But perhaps I was coming at itwrong. My idealistic hope for a whollypure triumph over the Whopper was en-tirely born of Obamas America. To pulla win out of this, I had to get in touchwith my inner Bush. If at first you dontsucceed, redefine victory.

With your permission, dear reader,Id like to lay some knowledge on you.Windows 7 is a misleading name. Tech-nically speaking, it is actually version6.1.7600 of the Windows software. 6.1!

By my estimate, I consumed about 6.9Whopper beef patties. And I probablycould have actually held down 6.5-6.7. Soby even the most cautious of estimates, Itotally outconsumed what would havebeen an accurate amount of burger.

Its morning again in America.(Seriously, though, never try to eat

one of these things. It isnt fun.)

WHOPPER continued from page 10


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12 Vol. XXXI, Issue 5 | Wednesday, November 11, 2009Features

I was sent on assignment to a local sex club. Yes.Theres no point in telling you of my professional qualifi-cations and skills. I have them. Do you? No, thats not fair,now is it? It was a wondrous Saturday night lust affair; mybusiness associates should be none of your concern.The club in question was a few rungs above a sty and Iwent there as a journalist. Although, truth be told, sexualperversity had this profound hold on me. I suppose I wasalso there as a pervert on holiday. Immorality seized meby the throat and squeezed tight. Waves of guiltcrashed over me like a goddamn tsunami of terriblesin. How exciting.

I thought, Hell, this is it!Upon my arrival, I was numb and brutally ex-

hausted. The deep groan I issued outside the neon-litentranceway was enough to send my cigarette crash-ing to the asphalt, but I held it tight with my teeth, yel-lowed and stained from years of abuse. I felt an intenseand hot sensation come over me. Clearly, what was instore for us sex patrons that evening was not of thenorm.

My fleshy member had yet to brush against fe-male skin that night, but I was positively electrified,my body set ablaze with dirty thoughts. I dared nottake a sip of alcohol during my stay there, for fear ofexploding; those bright and burning embers in mybelly knew no bounds and would not take kindly tounexpected surprises.

I knew, oh boy did I know that something was goingto happen. Story or not, I was certain to tear into a slice ofvirgin pussy or at the very least, have my shot at some oldwhore.

There were two floors there. Two floors. I could verywell have afforded to cover just one of them, but, to behonest, how many self-respecting journalists would coversuch a story to begin with? A right publication wouldntsend one of their own to cover the fucking parking lot ofone of these God-forsaken places, let alone all two floorsthat were sure to contain within them wild debauchery ofRomanesque proportions.

Fuck it, I thought, Ill cover the whole stinking es-tablishment!

Drugs.Of course, I was on a few that night. Sure. In my back-

seat alone there was enough grass to take down a troupeof circus elephants-really really powerful stuff. I had anextra pack of squares in the glove, dope in the back andthe trunk was a paradise for two-bit pill poppers and burnout hippie scum. Funny.

Barbara was there to greet me at the lobby. She andher husband Paul ran the festivities on the first floor. Ohwhat an honor. The admission that night was 50 dollarsfor singles and 30 dollars for couples. Thankfully, my ed-itor called ahead of time and saved me the trouble ofreaching for my wallet.

I was given the grand tour and treated like a guy who

had just fellated the King of England. Rock stars wouldvehave wept if they saw me in there. I was a man of high sta-tus among the ever-growing pool of liars, derelicts andcheats. What a rush!

The first floor had an ATM in the lobby and a selec-tion of adult DVDs were strewn in a back storefront,which was manned by an irate Pole. Not surprisingly, thePollacks shop hid a rather large peepshow area behind aburgundy curtain where old fags presumably hung out toprey on one anothers foreskins.

I, on the other hand, had entered a club-like envi-ronment for straights, as I mentioned before, which wasactually quite nice.

I was geeking pretty hard, though and the drugsstarted wearing off around the time Barbara was show-ing me the clubs sex swing, which, according to my host-ess, was capable of holding up to 450 pounds. Not bad, Iguess, lets not leave out the horny obese. No, of coursenot.

Fat people and those dangerously obese many needtheir kicks too. After all, this is the land of the fat and

horny, no? America, the land of milk and honey, what atired clich! What should pass is: America, the land ofbeer and rib eye. Yes, thats more like it.

I was crashing.There was a slight burning in my retinas and my

cheap plastic shades did little to fight the sting. Barbarasent for Paul who was positively sure that Id turn into a li-ability and fast had he not acted quickly to prevent mefrom slipping into the depths of drug exhaustion. Hehanded me a Budweiser and a shot of Irish whiskey. It wasa good medicine.

So, he began, How do you like my place?I managed to tell him that I liked it a whole lot, but

that it seemed unusually dead for a cold Saturday night. Iexpected something more lively, vibrant and insane.

He assured me that more people were on the way andhe recommended that I stay in the dimly lit back roomaway from all of the couches and stripper poles that themain area offered horny couples only.

I staggered into the back, as Paul requested.

There was a collection of rooms with curtains. Theserooms, I was told, were meant for small groups of people.If the curtain was drawn closed and the room roped off,then passerbys were limited to just watching the actionand made to deal with palming their pricks all night. Ifhowever, this minor inconvenience were non-existent,then anything was go.

I sat down on a plush couch and waited for the actionto come. There was a bed of sorts that was padded withwhat looked like gym mats, directly in front of me. An old

couple entered and found a seat by my side.Who are you supposed to be? said the woman.Me, Im nobody. Just a sex writer on assignment is

all.She didnt believe me. But who cares.Soon I heard some commotion erupt from behind

me in a roar. A man wearing a dirty white pulloversweater led a blonde woman of about 35 or 40 inside.She was instructed to lie down on the mats and did sowithout the slightest complaint. Then she began peel-ing off her clothes and this attracted a lot of attentionfrom the male patrons who quickly surrounded herlike a pack of starved hyenas.I came to realize that she was drugged and possibly a

prostitute, escorted in by a man who paid her by the

hour and liked to watch her being violated by a teamof beastly young animals.I watched as 10 or 15 men dropped trou around me.

They proceeded to have sex with her. It was a violentspectacle and not for the faint of heart. The blondeslegs were spread apart, her stockings torn away andher vagina exposed to the world. Soon, the smell of

semen and sweat filled the air, which grew hotter as moreand more bodies shuffled inside the room.

I edged myself out of there and began walking to-wards the exit when the man who brought in the blondestopped me.

Do you like to watch?Sure.Well, he said. You can have your turn if you want. I

dont mind.I thanked him and told him that Id best be on myway. It was 5 oclock in the morning and I could no longersee what was in front of me.

What I just witnessed was ugly and morally repre-hensible. It wasnt fun. It was dark and horrible. I nolonger considered visiting the upstairs. As I began toquicken my pace I passed Barbara on my way out.

Did you enjoy your stay?I think Ive seen my fill for one night, Barbara.

Goodbye.She was puzzled at my lack of enthusiasm. My sense

of excitement had been sapped by the end of the nightand she noticed it.

As I made my way to my gold Impala, I fished around

my jacket pocket for a filterless, lit it and sucked up thesmoke till it filled my lungs. Then, I sank deep into thedrivers seat, started the engine and watched as the firstrays of dawn washed over my car.

For the first time, I no longer knew who I was.

ByChris Mellides


13/32

The Stony Brook Press 13Features

By Mike Cusanelli

Remember whenyou had those cool G.I.Joe figures with the re-alistic weapons and fea-tures and the badassarmy gear? Now, do youremember that year youwere bad and you got aStretch Armstrong dollfor Christmas instead?

Much like an ill conceived Mr. Fantas-tic rip-off, Stretch Armstrong had theability to twist and stretch his limbsinto all sorts of wacky positions (eventhough you know all you did was pullon him with your little brother untilhe snapped like a man-shaped tug ofwar rope). As one of the most ill con-ceived toys ever made, Stretch basi-cally consisted of a four fingeredrubber glove filled with corn syrupand attached to a broad-chinned G.I.Joe reject. Now, you may think this

sounds fun, but think again. Every

time the stupid doll was in any sort of

sunlight or got cold, the damn cornsyrup would get all freaky, resulting ina much less stretchy Stretch or, atworst, a shriveled leaking mess of adoll. But did this stop Stretch frombeing a total badass? I dont think so.Go ahead and insult Stretch in front ofany child of the 80s and prepare for acolossal whuppin. For his corn syrupygoodness, Stretch Armstrong hasmanaged t o wrap his fingerless mittsaround the title of a truly epic retrotoy.

Stretch Goddammit! Stretch!!!!

Toy of the Fortnight - Stretch Armstrong

By Eric DiGiovanni

Think about that phrase for aminute. Doesnt it evoke sheer terror,culminating in an ultimate feeling ofsuffocation and helplessness? That,my friends, is life under AM, a malev-olent supercomputer created to wage

a war too complex for humans toconceive. Like all powerful AI, hewiped out humanity save for five sur-vivors, whom he has tortured for thepast 109 years. The game is based onthe short story by sci-fi author HarlanEllison of the same name, and ex-pands tremendously on the themes

and backstories pre-sented in the original sixpaltry pages.

Its a traditionalpoint-and-click adven-ture game that takes thesurvivors and puts themthrough a traumatic psy-chodrama based ontheir previous transgres-sions. Youll play as aformer Nazi scientist, arape victim, a woman-izer, and other charac-ters in this twistedmindfuck thats worthtracking down.

Game of the Fortnight - I Have No MouthAnd I Must Scream

Board Game of the Fortnight Hungry Hungry Hippos

by Chris Mellides

When I was young and just barelyout of my feety pajamas, HungryHungry Hippos was the game to play.Board games were for the boring. Mo-nopoly was too difficult and far toocomplicated for my little mind tocomprehend, and a game like Opera-tion, while fun, put me under a lot ofunneeded pressure. I mean, a conceptlike intensive surgery wasnt my bag

back then. Having to pay for and takepart in complicated medical proce-dures on a rainy afternoon with yourfriends was a ridiculous concept. Andwhen you botched the job, the vibrat-ing metal edges really did a trick on

the nerves. Fuck that game. On theother hand, Hungry Hungry Hipposwas valued by my childhood friendsand me, both for its simplicity and itsmindlessness. The whole concept wasto man a gluttonous hippo and gobbleup as many little white plastic balls asyou could. The player whose hippoeats the most balls wins. You cant getmuch simpler than that. The game is abulimics dream. Binge on some whiteball confectionery and then puke it

back up at your friends hippos. Price-less. The only problem is that wed allget too into it. After a few rounds wedlose our shit and white balls wouldstart flying across the room. Theydbounce off the fucking walls, behind

the sofa, in between couchcushions. Forget about it.There reached a point wherewed lose most of the balls andget too lazy to retrieve themall. And Hungry Hungry Hip-pos was no fun to play withjust two or three balls on theboard. Luckily, a few years

later, I discovered masturba-tion, and the Hippo racketpaled in comparison to thefive-knuckle shuffle.

By Andrew Fraley

The Evangelicalswait, just Evangelicalsare an independent stylerock band from Okla-homa. Dont let theirname fool you though;they arent Christian orreligious or anything of

the sort. Far from it, infact. They sing aboutmonsters and insanitywards and demons anddrugs and stuff. Follow-ing their 2006 debutalbum, So Gone, they released one ofmy favorite albums ever in 2008, TheEvening Descends. A cacophonousblend of glam rock instrumentals, popsynths and subdued whispery conver-sations, the album is as bizarre andsurreal as it is catchy.

Songs like Skeleton Man andBellawood help lend to the albums

spooky, haunted house feel. Leadsinger Josh Jones vocals range fromdrearily subdued, as with PaperbackSuicide, to a manic falsetto, as with

Party Crashin and Midnight Vi-gnette.

The final result of all this is a bril-liant album that blows you apart withthe opening titular track, TheEvening Descends, and puts you backtogether by the end. Jones once de-scribed this album as Marvin Gayemeets Rocky Horror Picture Show.

That would be true if Marvin Gayewere much cooler, and if Tim Curryhadnt later done Congo. Bottom line,this album rules.

Album of the Fortnight - Evangelicals -TheEvening Descends


14/32

14

arts&entertainmentVol. XXXI, Issue 5 | Wednesday, November 11, 2009

If Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo was hoping tobe remembered as a credible musician, then he madea massive career mistake by living past 1996. Weezerreleases since that year (perhaps due to the departureof Matt Sharpe, the critical bombing ofPinkerton, orCuomos epiphany that good musicians tend to make very little money) have ranged from mediocre toabominable.

To Cuomos credit, each Weezer album tends tohave a unique sound, and while their first two albumswere forerunners for mid-90s power-pop and emo, re-spectively, their more recent releases have been undis-guised attempts at latching onto whatever facet of

pop-rock was popular two years prior. On Raditude,released November 3, Weezer dives headfirst into theaurally experimental world of abhorrent mainstreampop.

The albums opener, (If Youre Wondering If IWant You To) I Want You To is admittedly catchy.Sure, the vocals and bro-strums of the acoustic guitarsound more like the All American Rejects (who areeither being lampooned or revered throughout thisentire album) than anything Weezer might have putout in the past decade and a half, but the song goesthrough some enjoyable, if not particularly interest-ing, progressions before resting on a barbershop quar-tet style vocal breakdown. The harmonies will be tooclean for Blue Album fanatics, but then Cuomo tries to

do that dumb melodic talkingthing that made songs like El

Scorcho so awesome, and youknow everything is going to beokay. Oh, and if it feels like youveheard the albums opening trackbefore its because you probablydid: when it was called BeautifulGirls by Sean Kingston.

The albums second track, ImYour Daddy, making an appeal togod knows what demographic, hasa generic but admittedly stickychorus, but begins a downwardspiral in terms of songwriting andproduction quality that will con-tinue through the albums tenth

and final song.Possibly the biggest disap-pointment on the album (thoughat this point, to expect anythingother than complete mediocrityfrom Weezer bespeaks masochis-tic intent) was Cant Stop Party-ing, the demo of which (sans Lil Wayne) wasavailable on Cuomos Alone IIrelease. The home-recorded version (circa 1999) was an almost haunt-ingly remorseful, though not humorless, song about(probably fictionalized) excesses. Lil Waynes mid-song rap was far and away the best part of producerJermaine Dupris improved version of Cuomosdemo; one must wonder if Cuomo is aware of the fact

that he is deliberately de-stroying his own music. Ialso cant help but won-der if guitarist Brian Bellis even playing on thisfucking song.

Trippin Down theFreeway, one of twosongs on the albumpenned by Cuomo alone,has initial remnants ofWeezers Maladroitalbum. However, pro-ducer Jackknife Lees ap-parent hate for music

squashes Weezers shaky,awkward, but endearingharmonies into processedpop shit. All live instru-ments on this song havebeen reduced to a singletone. Also, I dont knowhow it took so many peo-

ple to produce this album, but the result is an albumwith no sense of direction or musical coherence.

Put Me Back Together, co-written by All Ameri-can Rejects Tyson Ritter and Nick Wheeler is, not sur-prisingly, the worst song on the album. Im assumingCuomo approached the pair, asked them how to writea song that would make middle school students fall inlove with him, and as a result Put Me Back Together

was conceived.By track seven, Love Is the Answer, (which hasthe sitar on it) I was dreading having to listen to anymore of this album, and honestly the last three tracksare kind of a blur. Raditude has slipped back into themlange of absolute mediocrity perfected by the Green

Album. Cuomos guitar solos have, over the years, gonefrom brilliantly inventive (Blue Album, Pinkerton), toa repeat of the vocal melody (Green Album, Mal-adroit), to fodder even Kurt Cobain couldnt mess up.

The fact of the matter is, though many have at-tributed Weezers musical success to Cuomo alone, ithas always been more of a group effort. While this iscertainly the case on Raditude, the group seems to be

Cuomo and friends (Ritter, Lee, Dupri) as opposed toWeezers four core members. There is an obvioussense of levity to all of Weezers most recent releases,as if theyre ruining music on purpose. Maybe Cuomohas a sense of humor about his music, and maybe hejust wants us to be in on the joke too. Well, Cuomomay have gotten his wish, this album is a hystericalfucking joke.

Living Past 96 Not Good Idea For Rivers Cuomo

By HenrySchiller


15/32

15

arts&entertainmentThe Stony Brook Press

Tegan and Sara are an interestingcase in the modern music industry: aband that has slowly built their fan baseover the past ten years, touring con-stantly and working their asses off to gettheir large cult following. But with therelease of their latest album, Sainthood,Tegan and Sara are finally poised tomake their well-deserved break into themainstream consciousness.

Their sixth full-length, Sainthoodisa distinct step forward in the Canadiansisters evolution. In many ways, it is alogical progression after 2007s The Con,but its not incredibly obvious after thefirst, or even fifth, listen. While The Conwas a very dark albumpredominantlyslow and synth heavy, dealing with is-sues related to the end of a romantic re-lationshipSainthood is upbeat andoptimistic. Its almost a new wave albumwith 80s synth lines and fuzzy guitars.Its all about the excitement and trepi-dation of starting a new relationship.But without The Con, I dont think thisalbum would have sounded the way itdoes. The 2007 LP allowed the duo toexplore electronics, synthesizers, andelectric guitar in a way they had neverdone before. Prior to that disc, Teganand Sara were known more for theiracoustic indie-pop, frequently beingcalled a folk-rock band by music press.The Con managed to get them out ofthat pigeon hole and allowed them tomake an album that I think has set thetone for at least the next five or ten years

of their career.

Like I said before, Sainthood hasmuch in common with 80s new waveand pop-rock. There is enough modernindie sensibility that it doesnt sounddated or cheesy, but its a much easierlisten than The Con. The songs on thisalbum were recorded live as opposed todoing a track-by-track style, and thereare fewer layers of sound. It sounds likea band rather than a carefully con-structed aural puzzle. The songs are notdense, and there are no extraneous lay-ers of synth or other sounds. This isTegan and Sara: the rock band. Despitemy immense love ofThe Con, Im glad

they went this route for the album, ittakes many of the best aspects of theirprevious releases and puts them ontoone disc. It also shows that instead ofreplicating their biggest album to datethey arent afraid trying new things.

The songs on Sainthood are, liketheir previous albums, split fairly evenlybetween ones written by Tegan andones written by Sara. The two have verydistinct styles, and after a few listensyou can really get the feel of whosesongs are whose. Ive always been moreof a fan of Tegans songs, as they tend tobe faster, more guitar-centered and

punk influenced as opposed to Sara,who often writes slower, more musicallycomplicated tracks. Sainthoodis no ex-ception to this. The first single, Hell,is a guitar driven indie-rock song aboutTegans Vancouver neighborhood as athinly veiled metaphor for love. In con-trast, Alligator Tears, a song written bySara, has no guitar whatsoever, just

drum, bass and three synth parts. Thismay mark the first time that a song by

Sara is my favorite off an album. Senti-mental Tune is a fairly 80s influencedtrack, with the bass fairly low key, thedrums driving with fairly simple beats,and, of course, great synth. But what re-ally caught me on this track was Saraslyrics, particularly Hard-hearted dontworry Im ready for a fight/Unnerved,the nerve, youre nervous, nervous thatIm right. What can I say? Im a suckerfor great word play. Sainthooddoes fea-ture one anomaly however: a song co-written by Tegan and Sara, somethingthat has never happened before on oneof their albums.

According to various interviewswith the sisters the song, PaperbackHead was written during a session theyhad in New Orleans. The two had nevertried to write a song together, and partof me thinks thats not an awful thing.The song is easily my least favorite offthe album. Its a slow number that feelslike a rejected demo from The Con.Also, given its position on the album, itkills the momentum built to that point.I dont know if this is the best song tocome out of that New Orleans session,but if it is, Im not sure I want any morecollaboration between the two to that

extent.Outside of that one down momentthough, Sainthood is amazing. Pro-duced by Chris Walla of Death Cab forCutie, who also produced The Con, he

seems to have really gotten the hang offiguring out how to get the most out of

Tegan, Sara and their band members.Walla plays bass on all the tracks, andJason McGerr, the drummer for DeathCab lays down all the percussion.McGerr is an integral part of Tegan andSaras current sound. His beats are in-spired and unexpected in many ways,but not overpowering. Hes not afraid torock a straight-forward beat for a punktinged song like Northshore. He justgives a depth that was lacking on theduos first few albums. Luckily, Teganand Saras touring drummer, JohnnyAndrews can replicate them wonder-fully.

Sainthoodmight not be Tegan andSaras best album to date (that awardgoes to The Con) but it is a brilliantalbum nonetheless. There has been amaturation in their songwriting thatkeeps their common theme of love andrelationships fresh and exciting, despiteit being well worn territory not only forthem, but for many musical acts. If youhavent listened to this record yet, Ihighly recommend it, even if youvenever listened to Tegan and Sara before,or heard that theyre the gay, twin,folk/acoustic chicks. They arent, andthis album is more than solid enough

proof. If you like indie-rock or miss 80snew wave, pick up this album, it is surenot to disappoint.

Practicing Sainthood

By Katie Knowlton


16/32

16 Vol. XXXI, Issue 5 | Wednesday, November 11, 2009Arts & Entertainment

1981! Soft-cells TaintedLove, was onthe Billboard

Top Ten, and Bob Marley had just passed beyond hisown mortal coil (not the 4AD mortal coil). Music con-

tinued on its merry way, with genre fusions, and theartist formerly known as Tiffany. On the positive side,Iran decided to release our hostages, and the Raidersdefeated the Eagles 27-10 in Super Bowl XV. But forevery upside there is a downside. Dengue fever outr-breaks ravaged Cuba with all that body orifice bleed-ing that makes us glad we dont live in the tropics. USsponsored massacres went largely unreported in ElSalvador, and worst of all, Metallica formed.

So what did 1981 have to offer the discriminatinglistener in such times of trial? For one, the good ol 70spunk rock was branching out, and long before therevolution summer sound would even start on arainy night in Washington D.C., hardcore punk was atiny fetus in an unforgiving aye-aye womb. Mean-

while, post-punk was raging on as the dominant rocksound of the day, proving that Americans really couldjustify buying Interpol records 20 years later.

Bad Religion: Bad Religion EPThe punk in me died a long time ago, but this lit-

tle 10-minute-long record is still something to go backto with much more than just a sense of nostalgia.

Hardcore punk was a blanket genre that covereda faster more aggressive, quick tempo sound in thepunk rock movement. The six-trackBad Religion EP,

epitomizes the sound in itspurest form. Early Bad Reli-gion, along with the DeadKennedys and Black Flag,were perhaps the most es-teemed representatives for

hardcore. The EP goes beyondthe standard three chordstructure of hardcore prior tothe 80s while still soundingsimplistic and to the point interms of song structure. Thepolitics of the lyrics are ama-teur at best compared to whatthe band would represent lateron, but still damn fun to listento.

The album possesses afairly uniform sound, save,Drastic Actions, the onetrack on the album that re-

gresses to a more soft, evengrungy sound. The song justmight be the jewel of thealbum itself. Its somethingunexpected wedged between aconsistent record.

I highly recommend the record to any fans of thenewer more familiar Bad Religion youve probably allheard, and to any rock fans looking for an unfamiliarartifact from the roots of the modern rock sound. At10 minutes, it is a casual listen at most, but one you

wont regret.

Bauhaus: Mask

Bauhaus is the kind of band thatis hard to classify. While it would beeasy to pass them off as goth assholes,I unfortunately cannot let my instinctsget the best of me. Bauhauss firstrecord, In the Flat Field, easily fits theearly goth, post punk formula. Itsdark, its moody and it sounds like IanCurtiss balls were fitted into a vicegrip. Its the same old same old darkydark, misty British Hills sound that allthe uncool cool kids listened to. Inother words, In the Flat Fieldis pureshite, an unlistenable mess of moans,and black teared trash that could notbe more typical or more conventional.

Mask on the other hand, is anythingbut generic. I would go so far as to callit the strangest funk record I have everlistened to. Thats right, funk.

While not being funk rock, or funkrock, Maskdoes incorporate the sound into a post-punk formula.The inclusion of dub gives it an ext

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