THE TERMINATION OF RELATIONSHIPS

RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION: HOW IT HAPPENS

PASSING AWAY SUDDEN DEATH

PHASES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION

INTRA-PSYCHIC PHASE DYADIC PHASE SOCIAL PHASE GRAVE-DRESSING PHASE

COMMUNICATING DURING RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION

WHO INITIATES IT? DISTANCING & DISASSOCIATING “STRATEGIES”

CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION

BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION LOSS OF SHARED GOALS/INTERESTS DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE SEXUAL AND/OR INTIMACY PROBLEMS ROLE STRAIN MONEY CHILDREN INFIDELITY/LOYALTY ISSUES ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE

DIVORCE

DIVORCE FACTS

APPROXIMATELY 50% OF BOTH FIRST AND SECOND MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE

USUALLY AT LEAST ONE CHILD IS INVOLVED

USUALLY IT IS A HIGH STRESS PROCESS FOR ALL CONCERNED

COMMON COMMUNICATION PATTERNS DURING DIVORCE

RECIPROCITY OF “BAD” (OFTEN PETTY) ACTS

POWER PLAYS: “I WIN, YOU LOSE” COMMUNICATION WITH CHILDREN:

– Arguing in front of them– Explaining about “Daddy & Mommy”– Not talking to them about what’s happening

PRIMARY CONCERNS/TOPICS FOCUS ON:– Division of resources– Future relationships– Visitation rights & custody (if children &/or pets

involved) CONSTRUCTIVE PATTERNS OF

COMMUNICATION ARE POSSIBLE AND SOME COUPLES MANAGE QUITE WELL. UNFORTUNATELY, THIS IS NOT THE NORM.

JEALOUSY

WHAT IS JEALOUSY?– A Learned Reaction To A Loss Or Threat Of Loss– Can Be Real or Imagined

WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO BE JEALOUS?– Insecure People– People Who Have a High Dependency On The

Relationship– People Who Strongly Support A Value System Involving

Possessiveness of Private Property & Total Togetherness in Relationships

WHAT ARE WE JEALOUS ABOUT?– Time; Persons; Situations/Opporunities

IS JEALOUSY ALWAYS BAD?– Mild Forms of Jealousy Can Show Concern &

Caring for the Relationship– Too Often It Involves Unhealthy Responses

Such as Planning Revenge; Sinking into Depression; Wallowing in Self-Pity; etc.

COPING WITH JEALOUSY– Communicate in Ways To Develop Self-

Esteem/Self-Confidence For Yourself & Your Partner

– Talk To Your Partner About Expectations, Assumptions, & Feelings Related to Behaviors That May Be Associated With Jealousy

GENDER & JEALOUSY MALES

– Becoming Jealous: Focus on Lowered Self-Esteem Due To Negative Judgment By Partner

– Ways of Coping: Get Drunk; Get Aggressive; Feel “Turned On” By Jealous Situation; Get Angry With Self; Engage in Rivalrous Behavior With “Other” Man; Make Effort To Secure Another Relationship

– Inducing Jealousy: Less Likely Than Females– Motives: Men Likely To Feel Partner’s Interest

In Another Romantic Partner Motivated By Desire for More Committed Relationship, Sexual Attraction, &/or Relationship Dissatisfaction

FEMALES– Becoming Jealous: Focus On Difficulty in

Developing Another Relationship If This One Should End

– Ways of Coping: Cry; Try To Make Selves More Attractive To Partner; Pretend Not To Care; Withdraw From Other Relationship Possibilities

– Inducing Jealousy: More Likely Than Males– Motives: Women Likely to Feel Partner’s

Interest In Another Romantic Partner Is Motivated by Desire For More Sexual Variety; Nonsexual Attractions; &/or Relationship Dissatisfaction

INFIDELITY

TYPES OF INFIDELITY

“ACCIDENTAL” AFFAIRS ROMANTIC AFFAIRS MARITAL ARRANGEMENTS PHILANDERING

– Men: Worship Masculinity, Not Intimacy – Women: Angry at men; seek control through

sex

MYTHS ABOUT INFIDELITY

“EVERYBODY DOES IT” “MY AFFAIR IS SAVING MY MARRIAGE”

– or “SINCE MY PARTNER DOESN’T KNOW, IT DOESN’T AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP”

“IF MY PARTNER WASN’T THE WAY HE/SHE IS, I WOULDN’T HAVE AN AFFAIR”

AFTER AN AFFAIR, DIVORCE IS INEVITABLE