· THE TREE OF HEAVEN P E A C E FRAN CES HARR ISON was sitting out in the garden unde r the tree...

The Tree of Heav en

MAY S INCLAIR

CASSELL AND COMPANY, LTD

London , New York , Toronto and Melbourne

CONTENTS

PART 1 PAGE

PEACE

PART"ITHE V ORTEX

PART III

V ICTORY2 1 9

THE TREE OF HEAVEN

P E A C E

FRANCES HARR I SON was s i tt i ng ou t i n the gardenu nde r the t ree that her husband cal led an ash-t ree , andtha t the people down i n

;

her part of the cou ntry cal leda t ree of Heaven .

I t was warm under the t ree , and F rance s m igh thave gone to sleep there and wasted a n hou r ou t ofthe afternoon , i f i t hadn

’ t been for the ch i ldren .

Dorothy,M ichae l and N icho las were go i ng to a

party , and N icky was exc i ted . She cou ld hear OldNan na ta lk i ng to M ichael and te l l i ng h im to be a goodboy . She cou ld hear you ng Mary-Nan na s i ng i ng toBaby John . Baby John was too’ you ng h imse l f togo to part ies ; so to make up for that he was r id i ngfu r i ously on Mary-Nanna ’s knee to the tu ne of theBumpetty

-Bumpetty MajorI t was N icky ’s fi rst party . That was why he was

exched .

He had asked he r for the th i rd t ime what i t wou ldbe l i ke ; and fo r the th i rd t ime she had told h im .

There wou ld be danc i ng and a MagiC'Lantern ,

and ’ aFu nny Man , and a Big White Cake covered w i thsugar i c i ng , and Rosal i nd

’ s name on i t i n p i nk suga rl ette rs and e ight l i t t le p in k wax cand les bu rn ing onthe top fo r Rosal i nd ’ s b i rthday . N icky ’s eyes shoneas she to ld h im .

Dorothy , who was n i ne years Old , laughed atN icky .

4 The Tree of Heaven

Look at N icky,she sa id , how exci ted he i s

And eve ry t ime she laughed at h im h i s mothe rk i ssed h im .

“ I don ’ t ca re , sa id N icky . I don ’ t care i f I am

becited lAnd for the fi fth t ime he asked , When w i l l i t be

t ime to goNot for anothe r hou r and a hal f , my sweet

heart .”

How long , sa i d N i cky , i s an hou r and a ha l f ?

Frances had a t ranqu i l natu re and she neverworr ied . But as she sat under her t ree of Heavena thought came that made a fa i n t i l l u s ion of worryfor her m i nd . She had forgotten to ask Grann ie andAu nt ie Lou i e and Aunt i e Emmel i ne and Aun t ie Ed ieto tea .

She had come to th i nk of them l i ke that i n re

la t ion to her ch i l dren rathe r than to her or to eachother .I t was a Tuesday

,and they had not been the re

s i nce Fr iday . Perhaps , she thought , I’d bette r send

ove r for them now . Espec ia l ly as i t ’ s such a beaut ifu l a fte rnoon . Suppos i ng I sen t M ichael ?And yet , suppos i ng Anthony came home early ?

He was always k i nd to he r peop le , bu t that was thevery reason why she oughtn ’ t to l e t them spo i l abeau t i fu l afte rnoon for h im . I t cou ld not be sa id thatany of them was amusi ng .

She cou ld st i l l hear Mary-Nanna s i ng i ng her songabou t the Bumpetty-Bumpetty Major . She cou ld st i l lhear Old Nan na tal k i ng to M i chae l and te l l ing h imto be a good boy . That cou ld on ly end i n M ichaelbe i ng naughty . To avert naught i ness o r any othe rd i saste r from her ch i ld ren was the end of Frances ’

s

ex i stence .

So she ca l led M ichae l to come to he r . He came ,ru nn i ng l i ke a l i t t le dog , obedi en t l y .

Peace 5

M ichae l was glad that he had been sen t across theHeath to G rann ie ’ s house w i th a message . I t madeh im fee l b ig and brave . Bes id es , i t wou ld put Off themomen t when Mary-Nanna wou ld come fo r h im , tomake h im ready for the party . He was not su re thathe wanted to go to i t .M ichae l d id not much l i ke go i ng to Gran n i e

’

shouse e i the r . I n al l the rooms the re was a quee rdark-green ness and creep i ness . I t sme l t of b i rd-cagesand elder bushes and of Grandpapa ’s fu nera l . And

when you had seen Aun t i e Ed ie ’s Senega l wax-b i l l s ,and the stu ff ed fish , and the i n s ide of Au nt ie Lou ie

’stypewr i te r there was noth i ng else to see .

H is mothe r sa id that Grandpapa ’ s fu ne ra l was al love r

,and that the green creep i ness came from the

green creepers . Bu t M i chae l knew i t d i dn ’ t . Sheon ly sa id th i ngs l i ke that to make you fee l n i ce an dcomfy when you were go i ng to bed . M ichae l knewvery wel l that they had pu t Grandpapa i n to thedraw i ng- room and locked the door so that the fune ra lmen shou ldn ’ t get at h im and take h im away too soon .

And Aunt i e Lou ie had kept the key i n he r pocket .Funeral s mean t tak i ng peop le away .

Old Nanna wou ldn ’ t let h im tal k abou t i t ; butMary-Nanna had to ld h im that was what fu ne ra l smeant . Al l the same , as he wen t up the flagged path

,

he took care not to look th rough the b lack panes ofthe w i ndow where the e lde r bush was , l est he shou l dsee Grandpapa ’s coffin standi ng i n the p lace wherethe b ig tab le used to be , and Grandpapa ly i ng i ns id ei t wrapped i n a wh i te sheet .M ichael ’s message was that Mummy sen t he r love

,

and wou ld Grann ie and Aunt i e Lou ie and Aunt ieEmmel i ne and Aunt ie Edi e come to tea ? She wasgo i ng to have tea i n the garden

,and wou ld they p lease

come early ? As early as poss ib le . That was thepart he was not to forget .The queer th i ng was that when M ichael wen t to

see Grann ie and the Aunt ies i n Gran n ie ’s house he


saw fou r old women . They wore black dresses thatsmel t somet imes of someth ing sweet and somet imesl i ke you r fi ngers when you get i n k on them . TheAunt ies looked cross ; and Aun t ie Emmel i ne smel t asi f she had been c ry i ng . He thought that pe rhapsthey had not been ab le to stop c ry i ng s i nce G randpapa ’s fu ne ra l . He thought that was why Aun t ieLou ie ’s nose was red and sh i ny and Aunt i e Ed ie ’seye l ids had p i nk edges i nstead of lashes . I nG ran n ie ’ s house they neve r le t you do anyth i ng .

They never d id anyth i ng themselves . They neve rwan ted to do anyth i ng ; not even to tal k . He thoughti t was because they knew that G randpapa was st i l lthere a l l the t ime .

But ou ts ide i t the Aun t i es were not so very old .

They rode b icyc les . And when they came toM icha e l ’s father ’s house they forgot a l l abou t G randpapa ’ s fu nera l and ran abou t and played ten n is l i keM ichae l ’ s mother and M rs . Jerv i s , and they ta lkeda lot .M ichae l ’s mother was Grann ie ’ s ch i ld . To see

how she cou ld be a ch i ld you had on ly to th i n k ofher i n he r n ightgown w i th her long b rown ha i rpl a i ted i n a p ig-ta i l hang i ng down her back and t i edw i th a b lue r ibbon . But he cou ldn ’ t see how the th reeAun t i es cou ld be Gran n ie ’s othe r ch i ld ren . Theywere b igger than Grann ie and they had grey ha i r .Gran n ie was a l i t t l e th i ng ; she was wh i te and d ry ;and she had ha i r l i ke hay . Bes ides , she hardly evertook any not i ce of them except to make a face atAun t ie Emmel i ne or Aunt ie Ed ie now and then . Shed id i t w i th he r head a l i t t le on one s ide , push i ng out

her under l i p and draw i n g i t back aga i n .

Grann ie i n te restedthought abou t her thanShe stood for h im as the mark and measu re of pastt ime . To u nde rstand how old Gran n ie w on hadto th i n k backwards ; th i s way Once the re 5 a t imewhen the re was no M ichae l"bu t the re was M ummy

Peace 7

and there was Daddy . And once the re was a t imewhen there wa s no M ummy and no Daddy ; bu t therewas Grann ie and there was Grandpapa . Now therewas no G randpapa . Bu t he cou ldn ’ t th i n k back fa renough to get to the t ime when there was no Gran n ie .

Michael though t that be i ng Gran n ie must fee l l i kebe i ng God .

Before he came to the b la ck w i ndow-paneand the e lde r bu sh he had to ru n down the s lopes andj ump the gu l l ie s on his s ide of the Heath , and crossthe West Road

,and cl imb the other slope to Gran n i e

’

ss ide . And i t was not t i l l you got to the row of e lmson Judges ’ Walk that you had to go carefu l ly becauseof the fu ne ra l .He stood there on the r idge of the Walk and

looked back to h i s own s ide . There were othe r housesthe re ; bu t he knew h is father

’s house by the t ree ofHeaven i n the garden .

The gard en stood on a h igh,

flat p romontory j u tt i ng out i n to the Heath . A brown brick wal l w i thbutt resses , st rong l i ke fo rt ificat i ons on a b reastwork ,enclosed i t on th ree s i des . From the flagged terraceat the bottom of the garden you looked down

,th rough

the tops of the b i rch-t rees that rose aga i n st the rampart , ove r the w i ld places of the Heath . There wasanother flagged te rrace at the othe r end of the garden .

The house rose sheer from its pavement, brown b r ickl i ke the wal l , and flat-fron ted , wi th the wh i te w i ngsof its storm shutters sp read op en , row on row . I tbarred the promontory from the ma i n l and . And a t

the back »of i t , beyond its k i tchen garden and its cou rtyard , a f r i nge of Heath st i l l parted i t f rom the h i l lroad tha en t from “ Jack St raw ’ s Cast le ”

to“ The

Bul l and ush .

” You reached i t by a lane tha t l edfrom the road to the Heath .


The house be longed to the Heath and tb opencou n try . I t was aware of noth i ng bu t the Herb andthe open cou n try between i t and Harrow on t e H i l l .I t had the a i r of a l l the ol d houses of Hampsted , thewonde rfu l a i r of not ack now ledg i ng the ex ismce ofBank Hol idays . I t was l i fted u p h igh above th townshu t i n ; u tte r ly sec l ud ed .

Anthony Harr i son cons ide red that he ha donewel l when he acqu i red West E nd House fo r is w ifeFrances

,and for h i s ch i ld ren , Dorothea , hchael ,

N icholas and John .

Frances had sa id that , i f he was th ink ingof her ,he needn ’ t b uy a b ig p lace , becau se she d id ir wan tone . But he m ight buy i t fo r the ch i ld re i f hel i ked . Anthony had sa id that she had no id ea f wha tshe m ightn ’ t wan t

,once she began to g ive hr m i nd

to i t,and that he wou ld l i ke to th i n k of he r l ' i n g i n

i t afte r he was gone . Not that he had any i ten t ionof go i ng ; he was on ly th i rty-s ix (not much o ler tha nFrances)and i ncu rab ly hea l thy . Bu t s i nce h"wi fe ’sa tten t ion had become absorbed i n the ch i ld re n- to theexc l us ion of every othe r i n te rest—he was a lwvs trying to harrow he r by the suggest ion . And ranceson l y laughed at h im and to ld h im that he wa a s i l lyo l d th i ng , and that he need n

’ t th i n k he was o i ng toget rou nd he r that way .

There was no othe r way open fo r An thony u n lesshe were to go bankrup t or get p neumon ia o r eri toni t i s . Frances wou ld have bee n the fi rst to cknow

ledge that i l l ness o r m i sfo rt u ne con st i t u ted cl a im .

And the on ly th i ngs he eve r d id get were lo ur explos i ve colds i n h i s head wh i ch made h im a i a rk fo rde r i s ion . H is bus i ness was so sou nd that a t even

a revol u t ion o r a Eu ropean war cou ld shake l Andh i s appearance was i ncompat ib le w i th h is prezns ionsto pathos .I t would have pa id h im bette r to have ben sma l l


The house belonged to the Heath and the opencoun try . I t was aware of noth i ng bu t the Heath andthe open cou n try between i t and Harrow on the H i l l .I t had the a i r of a l l the old houses of Hampstead , thewonde rfu l a i r O f not acknowledg i ng the ex iste nce o fBank Hol idays . I t was l i fted up h igh above the town ;shu t i n ; u tte r ly sec l ud ed .

Anthony Harr i son cons idered that he had donewel l when he acqu i red West End House fo r h i s w i feFrances , and for h is ch i l d ren , Dorothea , M ichae l ,N icholas and John .

Frances had sa id that , i f he was th i nk i ng of he r ,he needn ’ t b uy a b ig p lace , because she d idn

’ t wan tone . But he m ight buy i t fo r the ch i ld ren i f hel i ked . Anthony had sa id that she had no idea o f whatshe m ightn ’ t wan t , once she began to give her m i ndto i t , and that he wou ld l i ke to th i nk of her l i v i ng i ni t afte r he was gone . Not that he had any i n ten t ionof go i ng ; he was on ly th i rty-s ix (not much olde r thanFrances)and i ncu rab ly heal thy . But s i n ce h i s w i fe ’sa tten t ion had become absorbed i n the ch i l dren— to theexcl us ion o f every othe r i n terest—he was a lways t rying to harrow he r by the suggest ion . And Franceson ly laughed at h im and told h im that he was a s i l lyo l d th i ng , and that he need n

’ t th i nk he was go i ng toget round he r that way .

There was no othe r way open for Anthony ; u n lesshe were to go bankrup t or get pneumon ia o r peritoni t i s . Frances wou ld have been the fi rst to acknowledge that i l l ness or misfortu ne const i tu ted a cla im .

And the on ly th i ngs he eve r d id get were loud , exp los i ve colds i n h i s head wh i ch made h im a mark forder i s ion . H is bus i ness was so sound that not evena revol u t ion o r a Eu ropean war cou ld shake i t . Andh i s appearance was i ncompat ib le w i th h is pretens ion sto pathos .I t wou ld have pa id h im bette r to have been smal l

Peace 9

and weedy,or lamentab ly fat , or to have had a bald

place com ing, or c row ’s feet po i n t i ng to grey ha i rs ;

for then there m igh t have been a chance for h im . Bu tAnthony ’ s body was we l l made , s lender and tal l . Hehad b lue eyes and b lack-b rown ha i r , and the look ofan am iab le hawk

,ale rt , fiercely benevolen t . Frances

cou ldn ’ t see any pathos i n the k i nd of figu re she happened to adm i re most

,the on ly k i nd she wou ld have

tole rated i n a husband . And i f she had seen anypathos i n i t she wou ldn ’ t have mar r ied i t . Pathos ,she sa id , was a l l very wel l i n a father , or a brother,or a fr iend

,but i n choos i ng a husband you had

to th i nk of you r ch i l dre n ; and she had wantedboys that wou ld look l ike M ichael and N icholas andohn .I

“ Don ’ t you mean,Anthony had sa id , boys that

w i l l look l i ke me ? ”

I mean,

”she had answered , exact ly what I say .

You needn ’ t be so arrogan t .”

Her arrogance had been beyond al l bear i ng s i nceJohn , the th i rd son , had been born .

And i t was Frances , afte r a l l , who had made h imbuy West End House for her own reasons . Both theday nu rse ry and the n ight n u rsery had w i ndows tothe sou th . I t was the k i nd Of house she had a lwaysdreamed of l iv i ng i n , and of M i chae l , or N icky l iv i ngi n afte r she and Anthony were gone . I t was not morethan seven m i nu tes ’ walk from the bottom of the laneto the house where her peop le l ived . She had to th i nkabou t the old peop le when the poor dears had come upto London in orde r to be though t abou t . And i t hadwh i te sto rm shu tte rs and a t ree of Heaven i n thegarden .

And , because they had both dec ided that theywou ld have that house whatever happened , they beganto a rgue and to tease each othe r . Anthony had sa i di t was al l r igh t , on ly the t ree of Heaven wasn ’ t a t reeof Heaven ; i t was a common ash . He was one of theb iggest t imber merchan ts i n the cou n try and he ought

B

1 0 The Tree of Heaven

to know . Frances sa id she m ightn ’ t know much , bu tshe d id know that was the k i nd of t ree the peop le downi n her part of the coun try cal led a t ree of Heaven .

Anthony sa id he cou ldn ’ t he lp that . I t d idn ’ t matte rwhat they ca l led i t . I t was a common ash .

Then she to ld h im he had no poetry i n h i s compos i t ion . She had a lways dreamed of hav ing a t reeof Heaven i n he r garden ; and he was destroy ing he rdream . He rep l i ed that he d idn ’ t wan t to dest roy he rdream , bu t the t ree rea l ly was an ash . You cou ldte l l by the bark , and by the leaves and by the numberand the shape of the leaflets . And anyhow , tha t wasthe fi rst he ’d heard about her dream .

“ You don ’ t know ,” sai d Frances , what goes on

i n s ide me .

She sa id that i f any of the ch i ldren developed animag i nat ion he needn

’ t th i nk he had anyth ing to dow i th i t .

I shan ’ t ,” sa id Anthony . I wou ldn ’ t have

anyth i ng to do w i th i t i f I cou ld . Facts a re goodenough for me . The ch i ldren must be b rought u pto rea l i se facts .

”

An ash-t ree was a fact an d a t ree of Heaven wasa fancy ; u n less by any Chance she mean t Ai lan thusg landu losa . (He knew she d idn ’ t .) I f she wan tedto know , the buds of the a sh were b lack l i ke ebony .

The buds of the t ree of Heaven were rose-red,l i ke

-l i ke bad mahogany . Wai t t i l l the sp r i ng and lookat the buds .Frances wa i ted t i l l the Spr i ng and looked at

the buds , and, su re enough , they were black l i ke

ebony .

Anthony also sa id that i f they we re choos i ng ahouse for the ch i ldren , i t was no ea rth ly use to th i nkabou t the old peop le . For the old peop le wou ld goand the ch i l dren wou ld rema i n .

As i f to show how r igh t he was , Grandpapa hadd ied early i n that summer of ’n i nety-five , one monthafte r they had moved i nto West End House . That

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by i n form i ng herse l f of i ts affa i rs ; al so the ve ry d ist i nc t impress ion that even i ng papers were more a ttract i ve than morn ing papers . She wou ld have adm i ttedthat they owed the i r att ract ion to the c i rcumstancethat An thony b rought them home w i th h im i n h i spocket , and that i n the even i ng she was not ob l iged toi n form herse l f of what m igh t be happen i ng . Anthonywas ce rta i n to i n form her .Not that anyth i ng ever d i d happen . Except

st r i kes ; and even then , no soone r d id the featu res ofthe str i ke beg i n to get dramat i c than they we re ihstantly submerged i n the flood of conversat ion thatwas l e t loose ove r them . Mrs . Anthony p i t i ed thepoor ed i tors and reporte rs wh i le Par l i amen t was s itt i ng . She saw them as rathe r s i l l y , v iolen t anddesperate men

,yet pathet ic i n the i r s i l l i ness , v iolence

and despe rat ion , snatch i ng at d ivorces , and breachof prom ise cases , and fi res i n paraffin shops

,as drown

i ng men snatch a t st raws .Her imagi nat ion refused to p ictu re any end to th i s

state of th i ngs . There wou ld ju st be more speechesand more st r i kes

,and st i l l more speeches

,go i ng on

for ever and eve r at home ; wh i le fore ign aff a i rs a ndthe B r i t i sh Emp i re wen t on for eve r and ever too ,wi th no con nect ion between the two l i nes of sequence ,and no l i keness , excep t that both somehow went onand on .

That was An thony ’s v iew of England ’s Parl iamen tand Of‘

her imper ia l pol i cy ; and i t was Mrs . Anthony ’s .

Pol i t i cs , Anthony sa id , had become stat i c ; and heassu red Frances that the re was no l i kel ihood thatthey wou ld eve r become dynam ic aga i n- ever .Anthony ’s v iew of pol i t i cs was M rs . Anthony

’sV iew O f l i fe .

Noth i ng ever real l y happened . Th i ngs d id not

change ; they endu red ; they wen t on . At leasteve ryth i ng that real ly matte red endu red and wen t on .

S O tha t everyth i ng that rea l ly matte red cou ld—if youwere g iven to look i ng forward—be fo reseen . A str i ke

Peace 1 3

-a real ly bad one -might conce ivab ly affect An

thony’

s bus i ness , for a t ime ; bu t not a l l the str ikesi n the world

,not a l l the s i l ly speeches , not al l the

meddl i ng and muddl i ng of pol i t i c ian s cou ld eve rtouch one of those endu r i ng th i ngs .Frances be l ieved i n pe rmanence because

,i n secret ,

she abhorred the though t of change . And she

abhorred the thought of change because , at th i rtyth ree

,she had got al l the th i ngs she wanted . But

on ly for the last ten years ou t Of the th i rty-th ree .

Before that (before she was M rs . Anthony), wan t i ngth i ngs , lett i ng i t be known that you wanted them , hadmean t not gett i ng them . So that i t was i ncred ib lehow she had contr ived to get them al l . She hadnot yet le ft off be i ng su rpr i sed at he r own happ i ness .

I t was not l i ke th i ngs you take for granted and arenot aware of . Frances was profoundly aware of i t .He r happ i ness was a sol id , tang ib le th i ng . She knewwhere i t res ided , and what i t was made of , and whatterms she held i t on . I t depended on her ; on hert ru th , he r love , her loyal ty ; i t was of the natu re of at rust . Bu t there was no i l l us ion abou t i t . I t wasthe real i ty .

She den ied that she was arrogan t , for she - had nottaken one of them for gran ted , not even Dorothy ;though a l i t t le a rrogance m ight have been excusab lei n a woman who had borne three son s and on ly onedaughte r before she was th i rty- two . WhereasGran n ie ’s ach ievemen t had been fou r daughte rs

,fou r

superfluous women , of whom Anthony had marr i edone and supported th ree .

To be- su re there was Mau r ice . But he was worsethan superfluous , cons ide r i ng that most of the t imeAnthony was support i ng Mau r ice

,too .

She had on ly known one ser ious anx iety—lest herflesh and b lood shou l d harbou r any Of the b lood andflesh left ove r afte r Morr i e was made . She hadmarr ied An thony to d r ive ou t Morr i e from the bod iesand sou l s of her ch i l dren . She meant that

,th rough


her and Anthony , Morr i e shou ld go , and Dorothea ,M ichael

,N icholas and Joh n shou ld rema i n .

As Frances looked at the fou r ch i ld ren , her moutht ightened i tse l f so as to u ndo the ru i nous adorat i on ofher eyes . She loved the i r slender bod ies , the i r pu re ,cand i d faces

,the i r th ick

,st ra ight ha i r that parted

sol id ly from the b rush , c lean-cu t and sh i n i ng l ikesheets of pol ished meta l , b rown for Dorothy , b lackbrown for N icholas , red gold for M ichae l , and wh i tegold for John . She was glad that they were a l l madel i ke that ; s lender and clear and hard , and that the i rve ry ha i r was a th i ng of c lean su rfaces and defin i teedges . She d isl i ked the b l u rred ou t l i nes of fatnessa nd fuzz i ness and flufli ness . The br igh t sol id i ty of

the i r forms helped her to her adored i l l us i on , th ei l l us ion o f the i r ch i ldhood as go i ng on ,

last i ng foreve r and ever .They wou ld be the n icest- look i ng ch i ld ren at M rs .

Jerv is ’ s party . They wou ld stand out sol i d from thefluffiness and fuzz i ness and fatness of the others . Shesaw peop le look i ng at them . She heard them say i ng“Who are the two l i t t l e boys i n b rown l i nen ? ”

They are M ichae l and N icholas Harr i son .

” TheFunny Man came and sa id “ Hel lo I d idn ’ t expectto see you here"I t was M ichae l and N icholas hed idn ’ t expect to see ; and the no i se i n the room wasN icky ’s darl i ng laughte r .Mus ic p layed . M ichael and N icholas danced to

the mus ic . I t was M ichael ’s body and N icky ’s thatkep t for he r the patte rn of the dance , the i r feet thatbeat ou t i ts measu re . S i tt i ng u nde r the t ree of

Heaven Frances cou ld see Mrs . Jerv i s ’s party . I tsh immered and cl uste red i n a v i s ionary space betweenthe t ree and the border of b lue larkspu rs on the othe rs ide of the lawn . The fi rm figu res of M ichae l andN icholas and Dorothy held i t togethe r

,kep t i t f rom

be ing shattered amongst the steep b lue sp i res of the

Peace 1 5

larkspu rs . When i t was a l l over they wou ld st i l lhold i t togethe r , so that peop le wou ld know that i thad real ly happened a nd remember hav i ng beenthere . They m ight even remember that Rosal i ndhad had a b i rthday .

Frances had j ust bestowed th i s l i fe after death onMrs . Jerv is ’s party when she heard M ichae l say i nghe d idn ’ t wa n t to go to i t .He had no idea why he d idn ’ t wan t to go except

that he d idn ’ t .What ? sa id Frances . Not when N icky and

Dorothy are go i ng ?He shook h i s head . He was mou rn fu l and

ser ious .

“ And there ’s go ing to be a Mag ic Lan te rnI know .

”

And a Funny ManI know .

And a B ig Wh i te Cake w i th sugar i c i ng andRosal i nd ’s name on i t i n p i n k let te rs

,and e igh t

candles“ I know , Mummy . M ichae l ’s u nder l i p began to

Shake .

“ I though t i t was on ly l i tt l e baby boys that wereS i l ly and shy .

M ichae l was not prepared to con test the statemen t . He saw i t was the sort Of th i ng that i n thec i rcumstances she was bound to say . Al l the sameh i s u nder l i p wou ld have gone on shak i ng i f he hadn ’ ts topped i t .

I thought you were a b ig boy , sa id Frances .S O I was, yeste rday . To-day isn ’ t yeste rday

,

Mummy .

“ I f John John was asked to a beau t i fu l party hewou ldn ’ t be afra id to go .

’

As soon as M ichae l s under l ip had stopped shak i ngh i s eye l ids began . You cou ld n ’ t stop you r eyel i ds .


I t’

s not afrai d, exactly , he sa id .

What is i t,then ?

I t’

s sort—sort of forgett i ng th i ngs .

What th i ngs ? ”

I don ’ t know,Mummy . I th i nk—it

’

s p ieces ofme that I wan t to remember . At a party I can ’ t fee la l l of mysel f a t once— l i ke I do now .

”

She loved h is st range thoughts as she loved h isst range beau ty

,h i s redd i sh yel low ha i r

,h is l igh t haze l

eyes that we re not hers and not Anthony ’s .“What w i l l you do, sweetheart , al l a fte rnoon ,

wi thou t N icky and Dorothy and Mary-Nanna ?“ I don ’ t wan t N icky and Dorothy and Mary

Nanna . I wan t Myse l f . I wan t to play w i thMysel f .She thought" Why shou ldn ’ t he ? W hat

r igh t have I to say these th i ngs to h im and to makeh im cry , and send h im to stup id part ies that hed oesn ’ t want to go to ? After a l l

,he ’s on ly a l i tt l e

boy .

”

She thought o f M ichael,who was seven , as i f he

were younger than N icholas,who was on ly five .

N icky was d i fferen t . You cou ld neve r te l l whatM ichael wou ld take i t i n to h i s head to th i nk . Youcou ld never te l l what N icky wou ld take i t i n to h i shead to do . There was no gu i l e i n M ichael . Bu tsomet imes the re was gu i l e i n N i cky . Frances wasa lways on the look ou t fo r N i cky ’s gu i le .

So when M ichael remarked that Gran n ie and theAun t ies wou ld be the re immed iate ly and N icky sa id ,“ Mummy

,I th i nk my ear i s go i ng to ache ,

” heran swer was You won ’ t have to stay more than am i nu te , darl i ng .

”

For N icky l ived i n pe rpetual fear that h is Aunt ieLou ie m i ght k iss at h im .

Dorothy saw her mother ’s p rofound m isapprehens ion and she hastened to pu t i t r ight .

Peace 1 7

I t i sn ’ t Au nt ie Lou ie , Mummy . H i s ear i sreal ly ach i ng .

And st i l l F rances wen t on sm i l i ng . She knew ,

and N icky knew that,i f a l i tt l e boy cou ld estab l ish

the fac t O f earache,he was absolved from al l soci a l and

fam i ly obl i gat ions for as long as h i s affl i ct ion lasted .

He wou ldn ’ t have to stand st i l l and p retend he l i kedi t wh i l e he was be i ng k i ssed at .Frances kep t he r mouth shu t when she sm i led , as

i f she were t ry i ng not to . I t was her u pper l ip thatgot the bette r of he r . The fine

,th i n edges of i t

qu i ve red and tw i tched and cu rled . You wou ld havesa id the very down was sens i t ive to her thought ’ssecre t and i n iqu i tous play . Her sm i le mocked othe rpeop le ’s solemn i t ies

,her husband ’s solemn i ty

,and

the solemn i ty (no doub t i nhe r i ted)of her son M ichael

it mocked the demu reness and the grav i ty of he race .

She had brought her face close to N icky ’s ; and it'

was as i f he r mouth had eyes i n i t to see i f therewere gu i le i n h im .

“ Are you a l i tt l e humbug ? she sa id .

N icky loved h i s mother ’s face . I t never gotexc i ted or d id s i l ly th i ngs l i ke othe r peop le ’s faces .I t neve r got red and sh i ny l i ke Aunt i e Lou ie ’s face ,or hot and rough l i ke Aunt ie Emmel i ne ’ s

, or wet andm izz ly l i ke Au nt ie Ed ie ’s . The softness and wh iteness and dryness of h i s mother ’s face were del igh tfu lto N icky . So was he r ha i r . I t was cold , w i th afu n ny so rt of coldness that made you r fingers t i nglewhen you touched i t ; and i t smel t l i ke the taste ofB raz i l n u ts .Frances saw the l i keness of he r sm i le qu i ver on

N icky ’s uppe r l i p . I t b roke and became N icky ’ssmi le that bared h is l i t t l e teeth and curled '

up thecorne rs of h i s b lue eyes . (H is b l ue eyes and b lackb rown ha i r were Anthony ’s .) I t wasn ’ t reasonableto suppose that N icky had earache when he cou ldsm i le l i ke that .

1 8 The Tree of Heaven“ I ’m afra id , she sa id , you

’ re a l i tt le humbug .

Run to the te rrace and see i f G ran n ie and the Aunt i esa re com i ng .

”

He ran . I t was hal f a ch i l d ’s ru n and hal f a fu l lgrown boy ’s .

Then M rs . Anthony addressed her daughte r .Why d id you say h is ear

’ s ach i ng when i tisn t ? ”

Because,sa id Dorothy , i t is ach i ng .

She was pol i te and exqu is i te and obst i nate , l i keAnthony .

“ N icky ought to know h is own ear best . Go andte l l h im he ’

s not to stand on the top of the wal l . Andi f they ’ re com ing

,wave to them

,to show you ’ re glad

to see them .

”

“ But—Mummy—I ’

m not .She knew i t was dreadfu l before she sa id i t . But

she had warded off reproo f by nuzz l i ng agai nst he rmothe r ’ s cheek as i t t r ied to tu rn away from her .She saw her mothe r ’s upper l i p mov i ng , tw i tch i ng .

The sens i t i ve down st i rred on i t l i ke a dark smudge ,a dust that qu ive red . Her own mouth , pushed forward , search i ng , the mouth of a nuzz l i n g puppy ,rema i ned grave and tender . She was earnest andimpertu rbab le i n he r tru thfu l ness .

“Whethe r you ’ re glad or not you must go , sa idFrances . She mean t to be obeyed .

Dorothy wen t . Her body was obed ien t . For asyet she had he r mother ’s body and her face , herb l un ted oval

,the st ra ight nose w ith the fine , t i l ted

nostr i l s , he r b rown eyes , her sol i d ha i r, b rown onthe top and l igh t u nderneath , and on the cu rve of thero l l above he r l i tt le ears . Frances had watched theappearance of these deta i l s w i th an anx iety that wou ldhave su rp r i sed her i f she had been aware o f i t . Shewanted to see hersel f i n the bodies of her sons andi n the m i nd of her daughter . But Dorothy had herfathe r ’ s m i nd . You cou ld n ’ t move i t . What she

had sa i d once she stuck to for eve r , l i ke An thony to



harmless , made them pathet i c . Frances was sorrythat she was not glad . That was the d i ffe rence between he r and Dorothy , that she was sorry anda lways wou ld be sorry for not be i ng what she oughtto be ; and Dorothy neve r wou ld be sorry for be i ngwhat she was . She seemed to be say i ng

,al ready

,i n

he r cl ea rness and hardness.“What I am I am

,and

you can ’ t change me .

” The utmost you cou ld wr i ngfrom her was that she cou ldn ’ t help i t .Frances ’

s sorrow was almost u nbearab le when thefou r women i n b lack came neare r

,when she saw them

c l imb i ng the slope be low the garden and the lane .

GRANNIE took a long t ime c ross i ng the lawn f romthe door m the lane to the t ree of Heaven .

She came fi rst . Her daughters fol lowed,forced

to he r slow pace , advanc i ng w i th an a i r of imperfectcohes ion , of not rea l ly be long i ng to each othe r ,as i f they had been st rangers assoc iated bysome acc iden t . I t had grown on them i n the i refforts to carry Off the embarrassmen t of appear i ng as an eterna l t r io . Aunt i e Lou ie ca rr iedi t off best . Sharp and r ig id , Aunt ie Lou ie

’sfigu re never len t i tse l f to any group . Bu t for herblack gown she real l y m igh t not have belonged .

Mrs . Flem i ng wen t slowly , not because she was

old , for she was on ly s ixty , bu t because , though she

sa id , and thought , that she was wrapped up inFrances and he r ch i ldren , she was st i l l absorbed ,fasc i nated by her sacred sense of bereavemen t . Shemoved as i f hypnot i sed by her own sorrow .

To her th ree u nmarr i ed daughters she behavedwi th a sort of myst i c host i l i ty , a holy detachment andd ispleasu re , as i f she suspected them of gett i ng overi t, or of wan t i ng to ge t ove r i t i f they cou ld . Bu tto he r one marr ied daughte r and to her grandch i ld ren she was soft and gen tle. So that , when theyhappened to be al l togethe r , he r moods changed so

rap idly that she seemed a creatu re of u naccountab lecap r ice . One m inu te he r smal l , wh ite , dry face

qu ivered w i th softness and gen tleness , and the nexti t s t i ffened , tw i tched w i th the i n im ical , d isapprov i nglook i t had fo r Lou ie and Emmel i ne and Ed i th .

The ch i ldren l i fted up the i r pu re , impass ive faces21


to be k i ssed at . Old Nanna brought Baby John andpu t h im on h is grandmother ’s knee . Dorothy andN i cholas wen t oft wi th Mary-Nanna to the party .

M ichael forgot a l l abou t p lay i ng w i th h imse l f . Hestayed where he was

,drawn by the spectac le of

Grann ie and the Aunt ies . Grann ie was c l uck i ng andchuckl i ng to Baby John a s she had c lucked andchuck led to her own bab ies long ago . Her u nderl i p made i tse l f w i de and fu l l ; i t worked w i th an inand-ou t movemen t ve ry f unny and i n terest i ng toM ichae l . The movemen t mean t that Grann iechuck led under p rotest of memor i es that were sacredto Grandpapa .

Tchoo tchoo tchoo tchoo Chuckaboo

Beau t i fu l boy sa i d Gran n ie .

Aunt ie Lou ie looked at her you ngest nephew . Shesm i led he r downward

,sagg i ng sm i le

,wrung from a

v i rg i n i ty sadde r than Gran n ie ’ s gr ief . She spoke toBaby John .

“ You real ly are rather a n ice boy , Aunt i e Lou iesa id .

But Ed ie,the youngest Aun t ie , was knee l i ng on

the grass before h im , br i ng i ng her face c lose to h is .Baby Joh n ’ s new and flawless face was crue l toAunt ie Ed ie ’s . So was h i s look of d ign i ty andwi sdom .

Oh , she says you ’ re on ly rather n ice , sa idAunt ie Ed ie .

“ And you ’ re the beau t i fu l lest ,sweetest , darl ingest that ever was . Wasn

’ t she anasty Aunt i e Lou ie ? Ten l i t t l e p in k toes . Andthere he goes . F ive l i t t le toots i es to each of h isfoots ies .”

J

She h i d hersel f beh i nd the Times, d istu rb i ngane .

“Where ’ s John-John she cr ied . Where ’s hegone to ? Can anybody te l l me where to find JohnJohn . Where ’ s John-John . Peep-bo— there hei s"John-John

,look at Aunt i e Edie . Oh , he won

’ tpay any atten t ion to poor me .”

Peace 23

Baby Jolm was play i ng earnest ly w i th G ran n ie’s

watch-cha i n .

“You m ight leave the ch i l d a lone , sa id G rann ie .

Can ’ t you see he doesn ’ t wan t you ?”

Aunt ie Ed ie made a l i t t l e pou t i ng face , l i ke ascolded

,pathet i c ch i ld . Nobody ever d id wan t

Aunt ie Ed ie .

And al l the t ime Aunt i e Emmy was talk i ng toFrances very loud and fast .

“ Frances,I do th i nk you r garden ’s too beaut i fu l

for words . How c lever of you to th i n k of c lear i ngaway the old flower-beds"I hate flower-beds on alawn . Yet I don ’ t suppose I shou ld have had thest rength of m i nd to get r id Of them i f i t had beenme .

”

As she tal ked Aunt i e Emmy opened her eyes veryWide ; he r eyeb rows jerked , the left one leap i ng upabove the r ight ; she th rust ou t he r ch i n at you andhe r long , i n qu i r i ng nose . Her th i n face was the p layof ag i tated nerve-st r i ngs that pu l l ed i t thu s i n to per

petua l , rest less movements ; and she made vaguegestu res w i th he r large bony hands . Her tonguewen t t ick-tack , l i ke a c lock . Anthony sa i d you cou ldhear Emmy ’ s tongue st r i k i ng the roof of he r mou thal l the t ime .

“ And putt i ng those delph i n i ums al l togethe rl i ke that—mass i ng the b l ues . An thony ? I doth i n k Anthony has perfect taste . I adore de lph in iums .

”

Aunt ie Emmy was behavi ng as i f ne i ther M ichae lnor Baby John was there .

“ Don ’ t you th i nk John-Joh n ’s too beau t i fu l fo rwords ? ” said Frances “ Don ’ t you l i ke h im a l i t t l eb i t tooAunt ie Emmy wi nced as i f Frances had fl i cked

someth i ng i n he r face .

“ Of cou rse I l i ke h im too . Why shou ldn ’ t I ?I don ’ t th i n k you do

,Aun t ie Emmy

,

” M i chael


Aun t i e Emmy cons ide red h im as for the fi rs t t ime .

“What do you know abou t i t ?”she sa id .

I can te l l by the fu nny th i ngs you r face does .I thought ,

” sa id Frances, you wan ted to p lay

by you rse l f .S O I do, sa id M ichae l .Wel l then , go and play .

He wen t , and to a heaven ly place he knew of .But as he p layed w i th h imsel f the re he thought“ Aunt i e Emmy doesn ’ t te l l the t ru th . I th i nk i t i sbecause she i sn ’ t happy .

M ichael kep t h i s best th i ngs to h imsel f .

I suppose you ’ re happy , sa id Grann i e , nowyou ’ve got the poor ch i ld sen t away .

Aunt i e Emmy ra ised her eyeb rows and spreadou t her hands , as much as to say she was he lp lessu nde r he r mother ’s stup id i ty .

“ He ’d have been sen t away anyhow, sa idFrances . “ I t i sn ’ t good for h im to hang abou tl i ste n i ng to grown-up conversat ion .

I t was her part to keep the peace between hermother and her s i ste rs .

“ I t seems to me ,”

began i t you rsel f .”

When a s i tuat i on became uncomfortab le,Aunt ie

Lou ie a lways pu t he r word i n and mad e i t worse .

She neve r wou ld l et Frances keep the peace .

Frances knew what Lou ie mean t—that she wasa lways fl i ng i ng her bab ies i n Emmy ’s face at thosemomen ts when the s igh t of other peop le ’ s bab ieswas too much fo r Emmy . She cou ld neve r be p repared for Emmy ’ s momen ts .

“I t

’

s a l l very wel l ,” Aunt ie Lou ie wen t on ; but

I shou ld l i ke to hear of somebody adm i r i ng Dorothy .

I don ’ t see where Dorothy comes i n .

Dorothy was supposed , by the two Nannas , to beAu nt ie Lou ie ’s favou r i te . I f you taxed her wi th i t

sa id Aunt i e Lou ie,that you

Peace 25

she was i nd ignan t and declared that she was su reshe wasn ’ t .And aga i n Frances knew what Lou ie mean t

that she loved he r th ree sons , M ichae l and N icholasand John

,wi th pass ion , and her one daughte r ,

Dorothea,w ith c r i t i ca l affect ion . That was the sort

of th i ng that Lou ie was always say i ng and th i nk i ngabou t people , and nobody ever pa id the sl igh testa tten t ion to what Lou ie sa id o r thought . Francesto ld herse l f that i f there was one emot ion thatshe was more free from than another i t was sex

Vjea lousy .

The p roof of i t , wh ich she off e red now , wasthat she had given up Dorothy to Anthony . I twas natu ra l that he shou ld care most for the l i t t l eg i r l .Lou ie sa id that was easy—when she knew pe r

fectly wel l that Anthony d idn’ t . L ike Frances he

cared most for h i s th ree sons . She was leav i ngDorothy to Anthony so that An thony m igh t leaveM ichae l and N icholas to her .

“ You might j ust as wel l say , Frances sa id , thatI ’m i n love w ith John-John . Poor l i t t l e Don ;Don I

“ I m ight , sa id Lou ie , j ust as we l l .Grann ie sa id she was su re she d idn ’ t u nderstand

what they were tal k i ng abou t and that Lou ie hadsome very quee r idea s i n he r head .

“ Lou ie ,”she sa id ,

“ knows more than I do .

Frances thought"Was Gran n ie real ly stup id ?Was she real ly i n nocen t ? Was she not , rathe r ,c leve r , chockfu l l of the secret w i sdom and the secretcruel ty of sex ?Frances was a fra id of he r thoughts . They came

to her , not l i ke thoughts , bu t l i ke qu ick rushes of

hlerb lood , part ly con fus i ng her . She d id not l i ke

t at .She thought"Suppos i ng Gran n ie knew al l the

t ime that Emmy was u nhappy , and took a perve rse


pleasu re i n her knowledge ? Suppos i ng she wasnot rea l ly soft and gen t le ? She cou ld be soft andgent le to her

,because of he r Ch i ldren and because

of Anthony . She respected Anthony becau se he waswel l-Off and e ffic ien t and successfu l , and had supported her eve r s i nce Grandpapa had gone bankrupt .She was p roud of Frances because she was Anthony ’ sw i fe

,who had had th ree sons and on ly one

daughter .Grann ie behaved as i f he r grandch i ldren were he r

own ch i ld ren , as i f she had borne th ree son sand on ly one daughte r , i nstead of fou r daughters andon ly one son . St i l l , Frances was the veh ic le of fleshand b lood that carr ied on her flesh and b lood i nM ichae l and N icholas and John . She respectedFrances .But Frances cou ld remember a t ime when she had

been unmarr ied l i ke her s isters , and when Gran n iehad tu rned on her , too ,

that look that was hal f contempt and hal f host i l i ty or di sp leasu re . Gran n ie hadnot wanted her to marry Anthony , any more than shewou ld have wanted Lou ie or Emmel i ne or Ed ith tomarry anybody , supposi ng anybody had wanted tomarry them . And Frances and Anthony had defiedhe r . They had i ns i sted on marry i ng each othe r .Frances knew that i f the re had been no Anthony

,her

mothe r wou ld have desp ised her i n secret , as i n sec re tshe desp ised Emmel i ne and Edi th . She desp i sedthem more than Lou ie , because , poor th i ngs , theywan ted , palpab ly , to be marr ied , whereas Lou ied idn ’ t

, or sa id she d id n ’ t . I n her own way , Lou i eh

'

ad defied he r mother . She had bought a typewr i te r a nd a b icyc le w i th he r own earn i ngs , and bypart ia l ly support i ng he rse l f she had defied An thony

,

t he male benefactor . Lou ie ’ s manne r i n t imatedthat there was noth i ng Frances had that she wanted .

She had resou rces i n herse l f,and Frances had

none .

Frances persuaded hersel f that she admi red and



comes tel l h im we ’ re hav i ng tea i n the garden,unde r

the t ree of—u nde r the ash- t ree ”

(for after a l l , he wast he maste r, and d isc ip l i ne must be ma i n ta i ned). Sheforesaw the very gestu res of h i s en t rance , thei ron ical ly so lemn bow that he wou ld make to he r ,far-off , f rom the te rrace ; she even foresaw the k i ndof j oke that

,for the l i fe of h im

,he wou ld not be

ab le to he lp mak i ng . She was so made that shecou ld l ive happ i ly i n th i s world of smal l , foresee nth ings .

AND i t a l l happened as she had foreseen .

Anthony came home ear ly , because i t was a fineafte rnoon . He made the k i nd of j oke that calam i tya lways forced from h im

,by some pervers ion of h is

i nst i ncts .“When i s a n ash-t ree not an ash-t ree ? When

i t ’ s a t ree of Heaven .

He was exqu is i te ly pol i te to Grann ie and theAu nt ies and h is manner to Frances , wh ich she open lycompla i ned of , was, he sa id , what a woman brough ton herse l f when she reserved he r pass ion fo r he rch i ld ren

,her sen t imen t for t rees of Heaven , and he r

mockery for he r devoted husband .

“ I suppose we can have some ten n i s now, sa idAunt ie Lou ie .

“ Certa i n ly,sa i d An thony , we can , and we

shal l . ” He t r ied not to look at Frances .And Aun t ie Ed ie became au tomat ica l ly an imated .

“ I can ’ t se rve for n uts ,’

bu t I can ru n . Who ’sgoi ng to p lay w i th m e ?

“ I am,

” sa id Anthony . He was perfect .The game of tenn i s had an unholy and terr ib le

att ract ion for Au n t ie Lou ie and Aunt i e Ed ie . Ne ithe rof them cou ld play . But , whereas Au nt i e Lou iethought that she cou ld play and took tenn i s ser iously ,Aun t ie Ed i e knew that she cou ld n ’ t and took i t asa joke .Aunt ie Lou ie stood tal l and r ig id and immovable .

She plan ted he rse l f , l i ke a man , c lose up to the net,where Anthony wanted to be , and where he shou ldhave been ; but Au nt ie Lou ie sa id she was no good

29

The Tree of Heaven

i f you put he r to p lay back ; she cou l dn’

t be expetedto take every bal l he m i ssed .

When Aun t i e Lou ie ca l led ou t P lay"she man tto send a nervous shudder th rough he r opponots ,shatte r i ng the i r mora l . She we n t t h rough a ll the

gestu res of an an n ih i lat i ng se rv i ce that fo r sme

reason neve r happened . She sa id the ne t was tod owand that spoi led her eye . And when she m issed l erretu rn i t was because An thony had looked at hertndpu t he r Off . St i l l Aun t Lou ie ’ s at t i t ude had h i sadvan tage that i t kep t he r qu ie t i n one p lace wereAnthony cou l d d ance round and round her .Bu t Aun t i e Ed ie p layed i n l i t t le ne rvou s ru ns nd

s l ides and rushes ; she flu ng herse l f , w i th sc ream ofexc i temen t , aga i nst the ba l l , he r pa rt ne r and the et ;and she b rand ished he r racke t i n a dangeaus

manne r . The ofte ner she m issed the fu n n ie r i t vasto Au nt ie Ed ie . She had bee n p ret ty when shewas

young , and seven tee n years ago he r c r i es and tum lesand col l i s ions had been j udged amus i ng ; a nd Au tie

Edie thought they were amus i ng st i l l . Anthony tadneve r had the heart to u ndece ive he r . So that wenAnthony was the re Aunt i e Ed i e st i l l we n t abu tsett i ng a sta nda rd of ga i ety for othe r peop le to iveup to ; and st i l l she was aston i shed that they nverd id , that othe r peop le had no se nse of h umou r .The refore Frances was glad whe n Anthony old

he r that he had asked Mr . Pa rso ns , the ch ild rn’

s

t uto r , and you ng Norr i s and you ng V ereker f ron theOffi ce to come rou nd for te n n i s at s ix

,and hat

d i n ne r must be put off t i l l ha l f-past e i gh t .Al l was wel l . The even i ng wou ld be sa c re to

Anthony and the you ng men . The i llus io r o f

worry passed , and Frances’

s rea l wor ld of happ i essstood fi rm .

And as Frances’

s m ind, be i n g a thorouhly

hea l thy m i nd , re fu sed to ente rta i n any d rea ry pes i

Peace 3 1

b il ity fo r long togethe r , so i t was s imply u nab le toforesee downwright ca lam i ty , even when i t had beenpo i n ted out to her . For i n stance , that N i cky shou ldreal ly have chosen the day of the party fo r a n ea rache

,the worst earache he had eve r had .

He appea red at tea- t ime , ca rr ied i n Mary-Nanna’

sa rms

,and w i th h i s head t ied up i n one of M r . Je rv i s

’

sc r i cket scarves . As he app roached h is fam i ly he t r i edhard not to look pathet i c .And at the s i gh t of he r l i t t l e son he r whole

br i l l i an t world of happ i ness was shat te red a rou ndFrances .

“ N icky darl i ng,she sa id , why didn

’

t you te l lme i t was rea l ly ach i n g ? ”

“ I d idn ’ t k now,

” sa id N icky .

He neve r d id know the p rec i se degree of pai n thatd i st i ngu i shed the beg i n n i ng of a genu i ne ea rachefrom that O f a sham one , and he fel t that to palm off

a sham earache on h i s mothe r for a rea l one , wassomehow a sneaky th i ng to do . And wh i le h isear wen t on stabb i ng h im ,

N icky d id h i s best toexp la i n .

“You see , I never know whethe r i t ’s ach i ng or

whether i t ’ s on ly go i n g to ache . I t began a l it t le ,t ee ny b i t when the Fu n ny Man made me laugh . AndI d idn ’ t see the Mag ic Lantern

,and I d id n ’ t have

any of Rosal i nd ’ s cake I t came on when I wasb i t i ng the sugar off . And i t was ach i ng i n bothears at once . I t was

,sa id N icky

,

“ a jo l ly se l l forme .

”

At that momen t N i cky ’s ea rache j abbed upwardsat h is eye l ids and cu t them

,and shook tea rs out o f

them . But N i cky ’ s mou th refused to take any parti n the pe rformance

,though he le t h i s fathe r carry

h im upsta i rs . And , as he lay on the b ig bed i n h i smothe r ’s room , he sa id he though t he cou ld bea r i tif

'

he had Jane-Pussy to l i e bes ide h im,and h i s steam

engme .

Anthony wen t back i n to the garden to fetch Jane .


i f you put her to p lay back ; she cou ldn ’ t be expectedto take eve ry bal l he m issed .

When Aun t i e Lou ie ca l led ou t P lay"she mean tto send a nervous shudder th rough her opponents ,Shatte r i ng the i r moral . She wen t th rough al l the

gestu res of an an n ih i lat i ng se rv i ce that for somereason neve r happened . She sa id the net was too lowand that spoi led her eye . And when she m issed herretu rn i t was because An thony had looked at he r andpu t he r Off . St i l l Aun t Lou ie ’ s at t i t ude had th i sadvan tage that i t kep t he r qu ie t i n one p lace whereAnthony cou ld d ance round and round her .Bu t Aun t i e Ed ie p layed i n l i t t le nervou s runs and

S l ides and rushes ; she flung herse l f , wi th screams ofexc i tement , aga i nst the bal l , he r partne r and the net ;and she b rand i shed he r racket i n a dangerousmanner . The oftener she m issed the fu n n ie r i t wasto Aunt i e Ed ie . She had been pret ty when she wasyoung , and seven teen years ago he r cr i es and tumb lesand col l i s ions had been j udged amus i ng ; and Au nt i eEd ie thought they were amus i ng st i l l . Anthony hadneve r had the heart to u ndece ive he r . So that whenAn thony was there Aunt i e Ed ie st i l l wen t abou tsett i ng a stand ard of ga i ety for othe r peop le to l iveup to ; and st i l l she was aston i shed that they neverd i d

,that other peop le had no sense of humou r .Therefore Frances was glad when Anthony told

he r that he had asked M r . Parsons , the ch i ldren’s

t u tor,and you ng Norr i s and young V ereker from the

bffice to come round for ten n i s at s ix,and that

d i n ner must be pu t off t i l l hal f-past e i ght .Al l was wel l . The even i ng wou ld be sac red to

Anthony and the young men . The i l l u s ion o f

worry passed , and Frances’

s real wor ld of happ i nessstood fi rm .

‘

And as Fran‘

ces’

s m ind , be i ng a thorough lyheal thy m i nd

,refused to en te rta i n any dreary poss i

Peace 3 1

b il ity fo r long togethe r , so i t was S imp ly u nab le toforesee downwright ca lam i ty , even when i t had beenpo i nted ou t to her . For i nstance , that N i cky shou ldrea l ly have chosen the day of the party for an earache , the worst earache he had eve r had .

He appea red at tea- t ime , carr ied i n Mary-Nanna’s

a rms , and w i th h i s head t ied up i n one of M r . Jerv i s’ s

cr i cket scarves . As he app roached h i s fam i ly he t r iedhard not to look pathet i c .And at the s ight of he r l i tt le son he r whole

b r i l l i an t world of happ i ness was shatte red arou ndFrances .

“ N icky darl i ng, she sa id , why didn

’

t you te l lme i t was real ly ach i ng ? ”

“ I d idn ’ t know,

’ sa id N icky.

He never d i d know the p rec ise degree of pai n thatd ist i ngu i shed the beg i n n i ng of a genu i ne earachefrom that of a sham one, and he fe l t that to palm off

a sham earache on h i s mother for a rea l one , wassomehow a sneaky th i ng to do . And wh i le h isear wen t on stabb i ng h im

,N icky d id h i s best to

exp la i n .

“You see, I never know whether i t ’s ach i ng or

whethe r i t ’ s on ly go i ng to ache . I t began a l i t t le ,t eeny b i t when the Fu nny Man made me laugh . AndI d idn ’ t see the Mag ic Lantern

,and I d idn ’ t have

any of Rosal i nd ’s cake I t came on when I was

b i t i ng the sugar off . And i t was ach i ng i n bothears at once . I t was , sa id N icky ,

“ a jo l ly se l l fo rme .

’

At that momen t N icky ’s earache jabbed upwardsat h i s eyel ids and cut them ,

and shook tears ou t ofthem . But N i cky ’s mou th refused to take any parti n the pe rformance , though he let h i s fathe r carryh im upsta i rs . And , as he lay on the b ig bed i n h i smothe r ’s room , he sa id he though t he cou ld bear i ti f he had Jane-Pussy to l ie bes ide h im , and h is steameng 1ne .

Anthony wen t back i n to the garden to fetch Jane .


He spen t an hou r look i ng for her,wander i ng i n u tte r

m isery th rough the house and through the cou rtyardand the stab les and the k i tchen gard e n . He lookedfor Jane i n the hot-house and the cucumber frames

,

and u nder the rhubarb,and on the scu l le ry roo f , and

i n the water-butt . I t was j ust poss ib le that on ad ay of comp le te calam i ty Jane shou ld have sl i theredoff the scu l l e ry roof i n to the water-butt . Theleast he cou ld do was to find Jane

,s i nce N icky

wanted he r .And i n the end i t tu rned out that Jane had been

captu red i n he r s leep,t reache rously

,by Aunt ie

Emmy . And she had escaped , maddened w i th ter ro rof the la rge

,nervous , i ncessan t ly caress i ng hands .

She had c l imbed i nto the h ighest b ranch ofthe t ree of Heaven

,and crouched there

,glar i ng ,

u nhappy .

“ Damn the cat"sa id Anthony to h imsel f . (I twas not Jane he mean t .)He was d i st ressed

,i r r i tated

,absu rd ly upset

,

because he wou ld have to go back to N icky w i thou t Jane , because he cou ldn

’ t ge t N i cky what hewanted .

I n that momen t An thony loved N icky more thanany of them . He loved h im almost more thanFrances . N icky ’s earache ru i ned the fine day .

He confided i n young V ereker.

“ I wou ldn ’ tbother , he sa id ,

“ i f the l i t t le chap wasn ’ t so p luckyabou t i t .

“

Qu i te so , s i r , sa id you ng V ereker.

I t was you ng M r . V ereker who found Jane , whoeventual ly recaptu red he r . Young M r . V ereker

made h imsel f glor ious by cl imb i ng up , at the r i skof h i s neck and i n h i s new wh i te flannels , i n to theh igh branches of the t ree of Heaven , to b r i ng Janedown .

And when Anthony thanked h im he sa id,Don ’ t



energet ic body ; she loved the qu ick , supp le bod ies ofthe young men , the tense poi se and ea rnest act i v i tyof the i r adolescence . Bu t i t was not V ereker or

Parson s or Norr i s that she loved or that she saw . I twas M ichae l , N icholas and John whose adolescencewas foreshadowed i n those a th let i c forms wear i ngwh i te flannels ; M ichael , N icky and John , i n wh i teflannels , play i ng fierce ly . When young V ereker

drew h imsel f to h i s fu l l he ight , when h i s young bodyshowed lean and slende r as he ra i sed h i s arms for h i ssmash i ng serv ice

,i t was not young V ereker, bu t

M ichael , ser iou s and beau t i fu l . When youngParson s l eaped h igh i n to the a i r and thus retu rnedAnthony ’s facet iou s sky

-scraper on the vol ley , thatwas N icky . When you ng Norr i s tu rned and ran a tthe top of h is Speed , and overtook the bal l on i t srebound from the base l i ne where young V ereker hadplan ted i t , when , as by a m i rac le , he sen t i t backwards ove r h i s own head , para lys i ng V ereker andParsons w i th shee r aston i shment

,that was John .

Her v i s ion passed . She was lean i ng ove r N ickynow , N icky so smal l i n the b ig bed . N icky hadmoaned .

“ Does i t cou n t i f I make that l i t t l e no i se,

Mummy ? I t sorts of l ets the pa i n out .

“ No , my lamb , i t doesn’ t coun t . I s the pa i n

ve ry bad ?Yes , Mummy , awfu l . I t ’s go i ng faste r and

faste r . And i t b izzes . And when i t doesn ’ t b izz , i tth umps

.He paused .

“ I th i nk—p’

raps—I cou ld

bear i t bette r i f I sat on you r knee .

Frances thought she cou ld bear i t bette r too . I twou l d be good for N icky that he shou ld grow i ntobeaut i fu l adolescence and a perfect manhood ; bu t i twas bette r for he r that he shou ld be a baby st i l l , thatshe shou ld have h im on her knee and hold h im closeto her ; that she shou ld fee l h i s adorab le body press

Peace 35

qu ive r i ng aga i nst he r body , and the heat of h i s earache penet rat i ng he r cool flesh . For now she waslost to he rse l f and utter ly absorbed i n N icky . Andher agony became a sort of ecstasy , as i f , actual ly ,she bore h i s pa i n .

I t was An thony who cou ld not stand i t . Anthonyhad come i n on h i s way to h i s dress i ng-room . As helooked at N icky h i s handsome

,hawk- l i ke face was

drawn w i th a dreadfu l , yearn i ng , i neffectual p i ty .

Frances had d iscovered that he r husband cou ld bothbe and look pathet i c . He had wanted her to be sorryfor h im

,and she was sorry for h im ,

because h i s malep i ty was al l agony ; there was no ecstasy i n i t of anysort at a l l . N icky was far more her flesh and b loodthan he was Anthony ’s .Ni cky st i r red i n h i s mother ’s lap . He ra i sed h i s

head . And when he saw that queer look on h isfathe r ’s face he sm i led at i t . He had to make thesm i l e h imsel f , fo r i t refused to come of i ts own accord .

He made i t carefu l ly , so that i t shou ldn ’ t hu rt h im .

Bu t he mad e i t so wel l that i t hu rt Frances andAnthony .

“ I never saw a ch i l d bea r pa i n as N icky does,

Frances sa id i n her p r ide .

“ I f he can bea r i t , I can’ t,

” sa id An thony . Andhe stalked i n to h i s dress i ng-room and shu t the dooron h imsel f .Daddy m inds more than you do

,sa id Frances .

At that N icky sat up . H is eyes gl i t te red and h ischeeks bu rned w i th

'

the feve r of h i s earache .

“ I d on ’ t m i nd , he sa id .

“ Real ly and t ru ly I

don ’ t m i nd . I don ’ t care i f my ear does ache .“ I t ’s my eyes i s c ry i ng

, not me .

At n i ne o ’c lock , when they were al l s i t t i ng downto d i n ne r , N icky sen t for h i s fathe r and mothe r .Someth i ng had happened .

Crackers , he sa id , had been go i ng off i n his ears ,


and they hu rt most awfu l ly . And , when i t had donec rack i ng

,h i s earache had gone away . And Dorothy

had b rought h im a trumpet f rom Rosal i nd ’s partyand M ichae l a t i n t ra i n . And M ichae l had g iven h imthe t ra i n and he wou ldn ’ t take the t rumpet i nstead .

Oughtn ’ t M ichael to have had the t rumpet ?And when they left h im , tucked up i n h i s cot i n

the n ight n u rsery,he ca l led them back aga i n .

“ I t was a j ol ly se l l fo r me,wasn ’ t i t ? sa id

N icky . And he laughed .

IT seemed that N icky wou ld a lways be l i ke that .Whatever happened

,and someth i ng was general ly

happen i ng to h im,he d idn ’ t care . When he scaled

the p laste r flower-pot on the terrace , and i t gave wayu nder h i s assau l t and th rew h im down the steps onto the grave l wa lk

,he p icked h imse l f up , d isp lay i ng a

forehead that was a red abras ion fi l led i n w i th ye l lowgrave l and the grey dust of the smashed flower-pot ,and sa id , I don ’ t care . I l i ked i t ,

” before anybodyhad t ime to p i ty h im . When Mary-Nanna steppedon h is t ra i n and brok e the tender , he sa id ,

“ I t ’ s al lr ight . I don ’ t care . I shal l make another . ” I t wasno use Grann i e say i ng , Don ’ t care came to a badend ”

; N icky made i t ev iden t that a bad end wou ldbe l i fe ’s last cha l lenge not to care . No acc iden t ,however u n foreseen , wou ld eve r take h im a t a d isadvan tage .

Two yea rs passed and he was j ust the same .

Frances and Anthony agreed beh i nd h is backthat N i cky was adorab le .

But h is pecu l ia r att i tude to m isfortu ne becameembarrass i ng when you had to pun ish h im . N ickycou ld b reak the back of any pu n i shmen t by fi rstadm i tt i ng that i t was a good idea and then th i nk i ngof a bette r one when i t was

_too late . I t was a goodidea not l et t i ng h im have any cake fo r tea , afte rhe had tested the res i l i ence of the new ty res on h i sfather ’s b icycl e w i th a penkn i fe ; bu t , N icky sa id , i twou ld have been more to the pu rpose i f they hadtaken h i s steam -eng i ne from h im for a week

"

.

37


You d idn ’ t th i nk of that , d id you , Mummy ? I

though t of i t ,” sa id N icky .

Once he ran away over the West Heath and goti n to the Leg of Mutton Pond , and wou ld have beendrowned i f a tota l st ranger hadn ’ t gone i n afte r h ima nd pu l led h im out . That t ime N icky was sen t tobed at fou r o ’c lock i n the afternoon . At seven , whenh is mothe r came to tu ck h im up and say Goodn ight

,she fou nd h im s i tt i ng up , sm i l i n g and ready .

Mummy ,” he sa id , I th i nk I ought to tel l you .

I t i s n ’ t a b i t of good send i ng me to bed .

“ I shou ld have thought i t was , mysel f , sa idFrances . She almost su spected N i cky Of i n s i ncer i ty .

“S o i t wou ld have been ,

” he assen ted ,“ i f I d idn ’ t

’ven t th i ngs . You see , I j ust l i e st i l l ’ven t i ng th i ngsal l the t ime . I ’ve ’vented th ree th i ngs s i nce tea"ath i ng to make Daddy ’s b ikes ick le stand st i l l w i thDaddy on i t ; a th i ng to squeeze corks out of bott les ;and a th i ng to make my steam-eng i ne go faste r . Thati sn ’ t a pun i shmen t , i s i t , Mummy ?

”

They sa id that N icky wou ld grow out of i t . Bu ttwo more years passed and N icky was st i l l the same .

And yet he was not the same . And Dorothy , andM ichae l and John were not the same .

For the awfu l th i ng abou t you r ch i ldren was thatthey were a lways dy i ng . Yes , dy i ng . The babyN icky was dead . The ch i ld Dorothy was dead andi n he r p lace was a st range b i g g i r l . The ch i l dM ichael was dead and i n h i s p lace was a st range b igboy . And Frances mou rned ove r the pass i ng ofeach age . You cou ld no more b r i ng back thatu n ique lovel i ness of two years old , of five years old ,

o f seven , than you cou ld b r i ng back the dead .

Even John-John was not a baby any more ; ~ he spokeanothe r language and had other feel i ngs ; he had nopart i cu lar affect ion for h i s mother ’s knee . Francesknew that a l l th i s dy i ng was to g ive p lace to a more

Peace 39

wonderfu l and a st ronge r l i fe . Bu t i t was not thesame l i fe ; and she wan ted to have al l the i r l i vesabou t he r

,endu r i ng

,goi ng on

,at the same t ime .

She d id not ye t know that the mothe r of bab ies andthe mother of boys and gi r l s must d ie i f the mothe rof men and women i s to be born .

Thoughts came to Frances now that t roub led hert ranqu i l l i ty .

Suppos i ng,afte r a l l

,the ch i ldren shou ldn ’ t grow

Up as she wanted them to ?There was N icky . She cou ld do noth i ng w i th

h im ; she cou ld make no impress ion on h im .

There was M ichael . She cou ldn ’ t make h im out .

He loved them,and showed that he loved them ; bu t

i t was by caresses , by beau t i fu l words , by rare , extrav agant acts of renunc iat ion , i ncons i sten t w i th h i ssel f-w i l l ; not by anyth i ng sol id and con t i n uous .There was a softness i n M ichae l that d ist ressed anda hardness that perp lexed her . You cou ld make animpress ion on M ichae l—far too eas i ly—and the impress ion stayed . You cou ldn ’ t ob l i te rate i t . M ichae l ’smemory was te rr ib le . And he had secret ways .He was grow i ng more and more sens i t i ve

,more and

more wrapped up i n H imsel f . Suppos ing M ichae lbecame a morb id ego ist , l i ke An thony

’s b rother,BartholomewAnd there was Dorothy . She wen t he r own way

more than eve r , w i th the absol u te conv i ct ion that i twas the r igh t way . Noth i ng cou ld tu rn her . Atth i rteen her body was no longe r obed ien t . Dorothywas not goi ng to be her mother ’s compan ion

,or her

father ’s , e i the r ; she was Rosal i nd Jerv i s ’ s com

pan ion . She seemed to care more abou t l i t t l e fat ,flu ffy Rosal i nd than abou t any of them except N ickyDorothy was i n te rested i n M ichae l ; she respected h i squeer thoughts . I t was as i f she recogn i sed somepowe r i n h im that cou ld beat her somewhere someday , and was humb le before a th i ng he r clevernesshad fa i led to u nderstand . But i t was N icky tha t she


adored ; not M ichae l ; and she was bad for N icky .

She encou raged h is naught i ness because i t amusedher .Frances foresaw that a t ime wou ld come , a l i tt l e

late r , when N icky and Dorothy wou ld be compan ions , not N icky and h is mother .I n the even i ngs

,com i ng home from the golf- l i nks

,

Frances and Anthony d iscussed the i r ch i ldren .

Frances sa id, You can ’ t make any impress ion on

N icky . There seems to be no way that you can getat h im .

Anthony thought there was a way . I t was a wayhe had not t r ied yet , that he d id not wan t to t ry .

But,i f he cou ld on ly b r i ng h imsel f to i t , he j udged

that he cou l d make a d i st i nct impress ion .

What the young rascal wan ts is a thorough goodspank i ng , sa i d Anthony .

N icky sa id so too .

The fi rst t ime he got i t N icky’s cr i t i c i sm was that

i t wasn ’ t a bad idea i f h i s father cou ld have pu l ledi t off a l l r igh t . Bu t he said ,

“ I t ’s no good i f you doi t th rough the c loth . And i t ’ s no good un less youwan t to hu rt me , Daddy . And you don ’ t wan t . Andeven i f you d id want , badly enough to t ry andhu rt , suppos ing you spanked eve r so hard , youcou ldn ’ t hu rt as much as my earache . And I canbea r that .

“ He ’s top dog aga i n,you see , sa id Frances , not

w i thou t a secre t sat i sfact ion .

Oh , i s he ?” sa id Anthony . I don ’ t p ropose to

be downed by N icky .

Every i nst i nc t i n h im revol ted aga i nst spank i ngN icky . But when Wi l l iams

,the groom , showed h im

a graze on each knee of the pony he had bought forFrances and the ch i l d ren , Anthony determ i ned that ,th i s t ime , N icky shou ld have a ser iou s spank i ng .

“Which of them took Roger ou t ? ”

“ I ’m su re I don ’ t know , s ir,” sa id Wi l l iams .

But Anthony knew . He lay i n wa i t for N icky by



For a rag , of cou rse . I knew you (1 fee l sucha jol ly fool when you fou nd i t wasn

’ t me .

“You see, Daddy ,

” he expla i ned late r , youm ight have known I wou ldn ’ t have let Roger down .

Bu t wasn ’ t i t a r i pp i ng sel l ?What a re you to do , sa id Anthony , wi th a

boy l ike that ? ”

Frances had an i nsp i rat ion . Do noth i ng, she

sa id .

Her t ranqu i l l i ty refused to be t roub led for longtogethe r .

“ N icky ’s r ight . I t ’s no good t ry i ng to pu n ishh im . Afte r al l

, why pun ish N icky ? I t i sn’ t as i f

he was real ly naughty . He never does u nk i ndth i ngs , or mean th i ngs . And he ’s t ru thfu l . ”

“ Horr ib ly t ru thfu l . They a l l are ,” sa id Anthony .

Wel l,then , what does N icky do ?

He does dangerous th i ngs . ”

He forgets . ”

Noth i ng more dangerous than forget t i ng . Wemust pu n ish h im to make h im remember .”

“ Bu t i t doesn ’ t make h im remember . I t on lymakes h im th i nk u s fool s .

“You know what i t means ? sa id An thony .

We shal l have to send h im to school .“Not yet ,

” sa id Frances .

School was the th i ng i n the fu tu re that she

dreaded . N icky was on ly n i ne,and they were a l l

ge tt i ng on wel l w i th M r . Parsons . Anthony knewthat to se nd N icky to school now wou ld be pu n ish i ng

‘Frances , not N icky . The l i t t le fiend wou ld on ly gr i ni n the i r faces i f they told h im he was go i ng to school .I t was no use t ry i ng to make impress ion s on

N icky . He was as hard as na i l s . He wou ld neve rfeel th i ngs .P erhaps , Frances thought , i t was j ust as wel l .

I DO th i nk i t was n ice of Jane , sai d N icky , tohave Jerry .

”

“ And I do th i n k i t was n ice of me , sa id Dorothy ,to g ive h im to you .

Jane was Dorothy ’s cat ; therefore her k i tten s wereDorothy ’s .

“ I wou ldn ’ t have g iven h im to j ust anybody .

I know ,” sa id N icky .

I might have kep t h im . He’

s the n icest k ittenJane eve r had .

”

“ I know , sa id N icky . I t was n ice of you .

I might wan t h im back aga i n .

”

I—know .

”

N icky was qu iet and ser iou s , almost humble , as

i f he wen t i n the fear of l os i ng Jerry . Nobody bu tJerry and Dorothy saw N icky i n that mood .

Not that he was rea l ly afra id . Noth i ng cou ldtake Je rry from h im . I f Dorothy cou ld have takenh im back aga i n she wou ld n ’ t have , not even i f shehad rea l ly wan ted h im . Dorothy wasn ’ t c rue l

,and

she was on ly ragg ing .

But certa i n ly he was Jane ’s n icest k i tten . Janewas hal f-Pers ian , wh i te , with untid tabby patterns onher . Jerry was black al l ove r . hatever att i tude hetook , h i s t i ght , short fu r kep t the ou t l i nes of h is figu refi rm and clea r , whethe r he arched h is back andj umped s ideways , or rol led h imsel f i n to a cush ion , orsquatted w i th haunches Spread and -

p aws doub led i nu nder h i s b reast , or sat bol t upr igh t w i th h i s fou rlegs st ra i gh t l i ke p i l lars , and h is ta i l cu rled abou t h isfeet . Jerry ’s coat shone l i ke black look ing-glass

,

43


and the top of h is head sme l t sweet , l i ke a dove’

s

breast .And he had yel low eyes . Mary-Nanna sa id they

wou ld tu rn green some day . But N icky d idn ’ t bel ieve i t . Mary-Nanna was on ly raggi ng . Je rry ’seyes wou ld always be yel low .

Mr . Parsons declared that N icky sat for wholehou rs med i tat i ng on Je rry , as i f i n th i s way he cou ldmake h im last longer .Je rry ’s l i fe was wonderfu l to N icky . Once he

was so smal l that h i s body covered hardly the palmof you r hand ; you cou ld see h is sk i n ; i t fel t softand weak th rough the th i n fu r , sleeked flat and wetwhere Jane had l icked i t . H is eyes were bu ttonedup t ight . Then they opened . He crawled feeb ly on

the floor a fte r Jane , or hung on to her l i t t le b reasts ,press i ng out the m i lk w i th h i s c lever paws . ThenJerry got O lder . Somet imes he wen t mad and becamea bat o r a b i rd , and flew up the draw i ng-room cu rta i n s as i f h i s l egs were w i ngs .N icky sa i d that Je rry (cou ld tu rn h imse l f i n to

anyth i ng he p leased ; a hawk , an owl , a clove , aH imalayan bear

,a snake

,a fly i ng squ i rre l , a monkey ,

a rabb i t,a panthe r

,and a l i tt le b lack lamb of God .

Jerry was a cat now ; he was two years old .

Je rry ’s fixed idea seemed to be that he was a ve ryyou ng cat , and that he must be nu rsed con t i nual l y ,and that nobody but N icky must nu rse h im . Mr .Parsons found that N icky made su rpr i s i ng progressi n h i s Lat i n and Greek that yea r . What had baffledM r . Parsons up t i l l now had been N icky ’s i ncapac i tyfor s i tt i ng st i l l . But he wou ld s it st i l l enough whenJerry was on h i s knee , pressed t igh t between the edgeo f the d esk and N icky ’s stomach

, so that knowledgeen tered i n to N icky th rough Jerry when the re was noothe r way .

N icky wou ld even s it st i l l i n the open‘

a i r to watchJerry as he sta lked bees i n the grass , or p layed byh imse l f , over and over aga i n , h i s own enchan ted

Peace 45

game . He always p layed i t i n the same way . Hestarted from the same c lump i n the borde r

,to ru n

i n one long ca reen i ng cu rve across the grass ; a t thesame spot i n the lawn he bounded s ideways and gavethe same l i tt l e bark i ng grun t , and dashed off i n to thebushes . When you t r ied to catch h im m idway

,he

stood on h i s h i nd legs and bowed to you s lan tw i se , wav ing h i s forepaws , or rushed l i ke l i ghtn i ngup the t ree of Heaven

,and cl imbed i n to the h ighest

branches and c lung the re , l ook i ng down at you .

H is ye l low eyes shone th rough the green leaves ;they qu ivered ; they p la

yed ; they mocked you wi th

some cha l lenge,some c arm

,secret and d iv i ne and

savage .“ The sou l of N icky i s i n that cat, Frances sa id .

Je rry knew that he was N icky ’s cat. When othe rpeop le caught h im he scrabbled ove r the i r shou ld ersw i th h i s claws and got away from them . WhenN icky caught h im he lay qu iet and heavy i n h is arms ,press i ng down and spread i ng h is soft body . N icky ’ssense of touch had been hardened by v iolen t impactsand col l i s ion s

,by exper imen ts w i th jack-kn ives and

saws and Ch ise l s and gouges , and by st ruggl i ng wi ththe mater ial of h i s everlast i ng i nvent ions . Throughcommun ion w i th Je rry i t became tender and sens i t i veaga i n . I t de l ighted i n the cat ’s th robb i ng pu rr , andthe th r i l l of h is feet , as Je rry , ser i ou s and earnest ,padded down h is bed on N icky s knee .

I l i ke h im best , though , sa id N icky , whenhe ’s sleepy and at the same t ime bitesome .

”

“You mustn ’ t l et h im b i te you ,

” Frances sa id .

I don ’ t m i nd ,” sa i d N icky .

“ He wou ldn ’ t do i ti f he d idn ’ t l i ke me .

”

Je rry had dropped off to sleep w i th h is jawsclos i ng drows i ly on N icky ’s arm . When i t movedh i s h i nd legs k icked at i t and tore .

“ He ’s dream ing when he does that , sa id N icky .

He th i nks he ’s a pan ther and I ’m bu ffaloes .Mr . Parsons laughed at h im .

“ N icky and h i s


cat 1 he sa id . N icky d idn ’ t ca re . Mr . Parsons wasa lways ragg i ng h im .

The tu tor pre fe rred dogs h imsel f . He cou ldn ’ taff ord any of the expen s ive b reeds ; but that summerhe was tak i ng ca re of a Russ ian wol fhound for afr iend of h is . When M r . Parsons ran w i th M ichae land N icky round the Heath

,the great borzo i ran

before them , wi th long l eaps , head downwards , set

t i ng a h imposs ib le pace . M ichae l and Dorothyadored Bor i s open ly . N icky , out of loyal ty to Jerry ,st ifled a secret adm i rat ion . For M r . Parson s heldthat a devot ion to a cat was i ncompat ib l e w i th aproper fee l i ng for a dog , whence N icky had i n fe rredthat any feel i ng for a dog must do v iolence to thenob le r pass ion .

Mr . Parsons t r ied to wean N icky from what hepretended to rega rd a s h i s u nman ly weakness .Wai t , N icky ,

” he sa id,t i l l you ’ve got a dog of

you r own .

”

“ I don ’ t wan t a dog of my own , sa id N icky .

I don ’ t wan t anyth i ng bu t e rry .

” Bor is,he sa id ,

was not cleve r , l i ke Je rry . e had a si l ly face .“ Th i nk so ?

” sa id M r . Parsons . “ Look at h i sjaws . They cou ld b reak Jerry ’ s back w i th one snap .

”

“Cou ld he , Daddy ?

”

They were at tea on the lawn , and Bori s hadgone to sleep under M r . Parsons ’ l egs w i th h i s l ongmuzzle on h i s forepaws .

“He cou ld ,” sa id Anthony , i f he caught h im .

But he cou ldn ’ t catch h im . Jerry’

d be up a t reebefore Bor i s cou ld look at h im .

“ I f you wan t Je rry to sh i n u p t rees you must keeph i s we igh t down .

”

Nicky laughed . He knew that Bor i s cou ld neve rcatch Je rry . H is father was on ly raggi ng h im .

N icky was i n the school room , bowed over h i sdesk . He was doi ng an impos i t i on , the second

Peace 47

aor i st of the abom inab l e verb é’

pxotta t, wr i t ten ou tfi ve-andtwen ty t imes . (Luck i ly he cou ld do the lastfi fteen t imes from memory .)N icky had been argu i ng w i th M r . Parsons . Mr .

Parsons had sa id that the second aor ist of é’pxop a twas not ijpxov.

N icky had sa id,

I can ’ t help i t . I f it ’

s not vipxovi t ough t to be .”

M r . Parsons had rep l ied" The ve rb é’

pXopa t is

i r regu la r .” And N icky had retorted , i n effect , thatno verb had any bus i ness to be as i rregu la r as a l lthat . Mr . Parsons had then suggested that N ickym igh t know more abou t the bus i ness of i r regu la rve rbs i f he w rote ou t the second aor ist of épxop ac five

andtwen ty t imes afte r tea .

As i t was a part icu la rly fine afternoon , an impos it ion was , N icky adm i tted , a score for M r . Parson sand a jo l ly good sel l for him .

Mr . Parsons had not a l l owed h im to have Je rryon h i s knee , or even i n the room ; and th is , Nickyowned fu rther , was bu t j ust . I t wou ldn ’ t have beennearly so good a pun i shmen t i f he had had Jerryw i th h im .

N icky , bowed over h is desk , st ruggled for theperfect leg ib i l i ty wh ich M r . Parsons had i n s isted on ,as otherw ise the impos i t ion wou ld do h im more harmthan good . He was i n for i t , and the th i ng mustbe done honou rab ly i f i t was done at a l l . He hadon ly looked ou t of the w i ndows tw ice to mak e su rethat Bor i s was asleep u nder M r . Parson s ’ l egs . Andonce he had left the room to see where Jerry was .He had found h im i n the k i tch en garden

,s i t t i n g

on a bed of fresh-grown mustard and cress,ru i n ing

i t . He sat l i ke a lamb , h i s fo repaws crossed , h is headt i l ted sl ight ly backwards . H is ye l l ow eyes gazed atN icky w i th a sweet and mourn fu l in nocence .

N icky d id not hear the vo ices i n the garden .

“ I ’m awfu l ly sorry , s ir,” Mr . Parsons was say

i ng .

“ I can ’ t th i nk how i t cou ld have happened .

”


Mr . Parsons ’ vo ice was th ick and h i s face was veryred .

“ I cou ld have sworn the door was shu t .”

Johnn ie opened i t,

” sa id Anthony . He seemedto have caught

,sudden ly , one of h is bad colds and

to be g iv i ng i t to Mr . Parsons . They were both i nthe i r sh i rt-sleeves , and Anthony carr ied someth i ngi n h i s a rms wh ich he had covered w i th h i s coat .The borzo i stood i n fron t o f them . H is face had

a look of fool i sh ecstasy . He stared at M r . Parson s ,and as he sta red he pan ted . There was a red smea ron h i s wh i te b reast ; h i s Open jaws st i l l d r ipped ap i nk slay er. I t sp rayed the ground i n fron t of them ,

j e rked out w i th h i s pan t i ng .

“ Get away , you damned b rute"” sa id M r .Parsons .

Bor i s abased h imsel f ; he stretched out h is forelegs towards M r . Parsons

,shook h i s ra ised

hau nches,l i fted up h i s great saw- l i ke muzz le

,and

rol led i n to one monst rous c ry a bark , a howl , ayawn .

N icky heard i t , and he looked out of the schoolroom w i ndow . He saw the red smear on the wh ite ,cu r ly b reast . He saw h i s father i n h i s sh i rt- s leeves ,ca rry i ng someth i ng i n h i s a rms that he had coveredw i th h i s coat .Under the t ree of Heaven Dorothy and M ichael ,

crouch i ng c lose aga i nst the i r mothe r , c r ied qu iet ly .

Frances was c ry i ng , too ; fo r i t was She who wou ldhave to te l l N icky .

Dorothy t r i ed to console h im .

“ Je rry ’s eyes wou ld have tu rned green,i f he had

l i ved , N icky . They wou ld , real ly .

”

“ I wou ldn ’ t have m inded . They ’d have beenJerry ’s eyes .”

“ Bu t he wou ldn ’ t have looked l i ke Jer ry .

I wou ldn ’ t have cared what he looked l i ke . He ’dhave been Jerry .

”

“ I ’ l l g ive you Jane , N icky , and al l the k i ttens sheeve r has

,i f t hat wou ld make up .

”



and they thought he had forgotten . Bu t on the fi rsteven i ng at Hampstead , as Frances k i ssed h im Goodn ight , he sa id"“ Shal l I have to see Mr. Pa rsonsto-morrowFrances sa id"Yes . Of cou rse .“ I ’d rathe r not .Nonsense ; you must get over that .I—can ’ t , Mummy .

”

Oh,N icky

,can ’ t you forg ive poor M r . Parsons ?

When he was so u nhappy ? ”

N icky med i tated .

“ Do you th i n k , he sa id at last , he rea l lym i nded ?

“ I ’m su re he d id .

As much as you and Daddy ?Qu ite as much .

”

Then ,” sa id N icky ,

“ I ’ l l fo rg ive h im .

But , though he forgave John and M r . Parsons ,and even God

,who

,to do h 1m j ust i ce

,d id not seem

to have been ab le to help i t , N icky d id not forg iveh imsel f .Yet Frances neve r cou ld th i nk why the s igh t of

musta rd and cress made N icky s i ck . Ne i the r d idM r . Parsons , nor any schoolmaste r who came afte rh im , u nderstand why , when N icky knew al l the restO f the ve rb é

’

pxo/La t by heart , he was u nab le toremember the second aor i st .He had an excel len t memory

,bu t . there was a lways

a gap i n i t j u st there .

IN that peace and t ranqu i l l i ty whe re noth i ng eve rhappened

,Jerry ’s v iol en t death wou ld have been

counted as an even t , a date to reckon by ; bu t fo rth ree memorab le th i ngs that happened , one afte r a nother , in the summer and au tumn of ’n i nety-n i nethe retu rn of Frances ’

s b rothe r , Mau rice Flem ing ,from Aust ra l ia , where Anthony had sen t h im twoyears ago , on the exp ress u nderstand i ng that he wasto stay there ; the s imu l taneous arr iva l of An thony

’sbrothe r

,Bartholomew and h i s fam i ly ; and the out

b reak of the Boer War .The retu rn of Morr ie was not al togethe r unfore

seen , and Bartholomew had annou nced h i s com ingwel l beforehand , bu t who cou ld have dreamed that atthe end of the n i neteen th centu ry England "wou ld beengaged i n a W ar that real ly was a War Frances ,w ith the Tim es i n he r hands , supposed that thatmean t more meddl i ng and muddl i ng of stup id pol it icians , and that i t wou ld mean more s i l ly speechesi n Parl i ament , and copy, at last , fo r fool i sh ,

“

v iolen t ,pathet i c and desperate ed i to rs , and breach of prom i secases , d ivorces and fi res i n paraffi n shops reducedto momentary ins ign ificance .

Bu t as yet there was no war , nor any appearancethat sens ib le peop le i n te rpreted as a si gn of war atthe t ime o f Morr i e ’s retu rn . I t stood alone

,as

othe r past retu rns , the retu rn from Bombay , the re

tu rn from Canada , the retu rn from Cape Colony , hadstood , i n i ts shee r awfu lness . To Frances i t represen ted the ext rem ity of d i saster .They m ight have known what was com i ng by

51


Grann i e ’s behav iou r . One day , the day when theAust ra l ian ma i l a rr ived , she had subs ided sudden lyi n to a state o f softness and gen t leness . Sheapproached her son- ln- l aw w i th an a ir of sorrowfu ldeprecat ion ; she showed a ce rta i n deference to he rdaughte r Lou ie ; she was soft and gent le even w ithEmmel i ne and Ed i th .

Mrs . Flem i ng broke the news to Lou ie,who

b roke i t to Frances , who i n her tu rn b roke i t t oAnthony . That was the proced u re they i nvar iab lyadopted .

“ I wonde r Grann ie sa id , what he can be coming back fo r"Each t ime she affected aston ishmen tand i ncredu l i ty

,as

_

i f Morr ie ’s com i ng back were,not

a recu rrence that c rushed you wi th i ts flatness andsta leness , bu t a th i ng that must i n terest Lou ie becau seo f i ts u tte r u n l i ke l i ness .

“ I wonder ,” sa id Lou ie , why he hasn ’ t come

before What e l se d id you expect ? ”

“ I ’m su re I don ’ t know ,

” sa id G ran n ie help less ly .

Go and te l l F rances .”

Lou ie went . And because she knew that thebu rden of Morr i e wou ld fal l aga i n on Frances

’

s husband she was d i sagreeab le w i th Frances .

“I t

’

s al l very wel l fo r you , she sa id . Youhaven ’ t got to l i ve w i th h im . You haven ’ t got tosleep i n the room next h im . You don ’ t k now whati t ’ s l i ke .

I do know,sa id Frances . I remember .

You ’ l l have to bear i t .”

“ You haven ’ t had to bear i t fo r fou rteen years .You ’ l l have to bea r i t ,

” Frances repeated ,“ t i l l

Anthony sends h im out aga i n . That ’s al l i tamoun ts to .

”

She wa i ted t i l l the ch i ld ren were i n bed and she

was alone w i th Anthony .

“ Someth i ng awfu l’

s happened , she sa id , andpaused

,hop i ng he wou l d guess .

“ I don ’ t know how to tel l you .

Peace 53

Don ’ t te l l me , i f it’

s tha t N icky ’s been tak i ng mynew b i ke to p ieces . ’

4

“ I t i sn ’ t N icky . I t’

s Maur i ce .

Anthony got up and c leared h is p ipe , thorough lyand d e l ibe rate ly . She wonde red whethe r he hadheard .

“ I ’d no bus i ness to have marr ied you—to havele t you i n for h im .

”

Why ? What ’s he been up to now ?He

’

s com i ng home .

So,

” sai d An thony , i s Bartholomew . I ’d nobus i n ess to have let you i n for him .

“ Don ’ t worry, Frances . I f Morr ie comes homehe 11 be sen t ou t aga in , that

’s a l l .”

At you r expen se .”

I don’ t grudge any expense i n send i ng Morr ie

out . Nor i n keep i ng h im but .

”

Yes . Bu t th is t ime it ’

s d ifferen t . I t’

s worse .

Why worse ? ”

Because of the ch i l dren . They ’ re o lder,

nowthan they were last t ime . They ’ l l u nderstand .

“What i f they do ? They must learn ,” Anthony

said ,“ to real i se facts .They real i sed them rathe r sooner than he had

expected . Nobody bu t Lou ie had al lowed for theposs ib i l i ty of Morr ie ’s sa i l i ng by the same steameras h i s le t te r ; and Lou ie had argued that , i f, he haddone so , he was bou nd e i the r to have arr ived beforethe le tte r , o r to have sen t a w i re . Therefore theyhad at least a clear five days of peace before them .

Anthony thought he had shown w isdom when,the

next morn ing , wh ich was a Wednesday , he sen tGrann ie a nd the Aunt ies to Eastbou rne for a

week,so that they shou ldn ’ t worry Frances

,and

when on Thu rsday he made her go w i th h im fora long day i n the cou ntry , to take her m ind off

Morr ie .

They came back at n in e i n the even i ng and fou ndDorothy , M ichae l and N icholas s i t t i ng up for them .


M ichae l and N icky were exc i ted , bu t Dorothy lookedgrown-up and importan t .

“ Uncle Morr ie ’s come , they sa id .

Dorothy saw h im fi rstN icky let h im i nHe hadn ’ t got a hat on .

We kept h im i n the school room t i l l Nanna cou ldcome and pu t h im to bed .

”

“He was cry i ng becau se he ’d been to Grann ie’

shouse and there wasn ’ t a nybody there

“ And because he ’d lost the love-b i rds he ’dbrought for Aun t ie Emmy

“ And because he cou ldn ’ t remember wh ich of u swas dead .

“ No , Mummy , nobody’s seen h im bu t us and

Nan na .

”

“ Nanna ’ s w i th h im now .

Uncle Morr i e neve r accounted , even to h imsel f ,for the t ime he had spen t between the a rr iva l of h issh ip at T i lb u ry on Su nday morn i ng and that Satu rday afte rnoon . Ne i the r cou ld he remember whathad become of h i s lu gage , or whether he had everhad any . Only the Cou n ty Counc i l man , go i ng h islast rou nds i n the farthest p laces of the Heath , cameupon a smal l bu nd le t ied i n a b l ue handkerch ief , acap belongi ng to E . D . Bou lger , of the Ariz ona ,

a cage of l ove-b i rds , and a d i st i nc t impress ion of arecumben t human form

,on the grass togethe r

,u nde r

a young b i rch t ree .

I n the stu ff y l i tt le house beh i nd Judges ’ Walkthe fou r women l ived now unde r male p rotect ion .

When they crossed the Heath they had no longerany need to borrow An thony from Frances ; they hada man of the i r own . To make room for h im Aun t ieLou ie and her typewr i te r were tu rned ou t of the i rown place , and Aun t ie Lou ie had to sleep i n Grann ie

’

s bed , a th i ng she hated . To make room for the

Peace 55

typewr i te r the grey parrot was tu rned out of thed i n i ng-room i n to the draw i ng-room . And as

Maur ice cou ldn ’ t s tand e i ther the no ise of the typewr i te r or the no ises of the parrot , he fou nd both thed i n i ng-room and the drawi ng- room u n i nhab i tab le .Day after day Dorothy and M ichae l and N icky ,

on the te rrace ; l ooked ou t for h is com ing . (On lyext reme d istance made Uncle Morr ie ’s figure

'

small

and harmless and pathet ic .) Day afte r day he p resen ted h imsel f w i th an a i r of d ist i nct ion and assu rance, flushed , and a l i t t le battered , bu t st i l l handsome ,wear i ng a spruce grey su i t and a panama hat bough twi th An thon ’

s money . Sheep-farm i ng i n Austra l ia—he hady i nfin ite ly preferred the Cape MountedPol ice—had ru i ned Mau r ice ’s nerves . He was goodfo r noth i ng bu t to lounge i n Anthony ’s garden , tor ide h i s horses— it was h i s r id i ng that had got h imi n to the Cape Mou n ted Pol ice—to s it at h is tab l e anddr i nk h i s w i nes , and , when there was no more w i nefor h im , to tu rn i n to

“ Jack S traw ’s Cast le ” for ap ick-me-up on h is way home .

And before Ju ly was out th ree others were addedto the garden group"Bartholomew and Vera andVeron ica . And afte r them a fou rth

,Vera ’s fr iend

,

Capta i n Ferd i nand Cameron , home on s i ck leavebefore anybody expected him .

Frances’

s t ree of Heaven shel tered them al l .

BARTHOLOMEW , Anthony’s b rother , l ived i n Bombay ,

and looked afte r h i s bus i ness for h im i n the East .He had someth i ng the matte r w i th h im , and he hadcome home to look afte r h is own heal th . At least ,Bartholomew ’s heal th was what he was supposed tobe look i ng afte r ; bu t Dorothy had heard her fathe rsay that Bart ie had come home to look afte r Vera .

Vera was Bart i e ’ s w i fe and V eron ica ’

s

'

mother.

Before she became M rs . Bartholomew Harr i son she

had been Frances ’

s school fe l low and he r dearestfr i end . Frances F lem i ng had been her b r idesma id ,and had met An thony fo r the fi rst t ime at Ve ra ’ swedd ing

,when he had fal len i n love w i th her ; and

she had fa l len i n l ove w i th h im when they stayedtoge the r i n Barthol omew ’s house , before Bartholomew took Vera to Bombay .

Bart ie had not been marr ied te n months beforehe wanted to get Vera out of England ; and Verahad not been i n I nd ia for ten weeks before he wan tedhe r to go back . They were a lways com ing backwards and forwards , but they neve r came togethe r .Vera wou ld be sen t home fi rst , and then Bart i e wou ldcome ove r i n a great hu rry and take her out aga i n .

Twelve years a fte r the i r marr iage Veron i ca wasborn at S imla , and the com ing and go i ng ceasedfor th ree years . Then Bart ie sen t them both home .

That t ime Vera had refused to t ravel farthe r westward than Marse i l les . She was afra id of damp andcold , and she had got the sh ip

’ s doctor to orde r he rto the R i v iera . She and Veron ica had been l iv i ngfo r two years i n a smal l v i l l a at Agaye .

56



They watched ; Bart ie open ly , wi th sudden dartingsand SWOOpings of h i s hawk

’s eyes ; Vera fu rt i ve ly .

Her eyes were so la rge a nd long that , wi thou t tu rni ng he r head , or a ny v is ib le movemen t , they cou ldhold h i s image .

But for Capta i n Cameron Vera ’s eyes had a fu l l ,open gaze . Spread w ide apart u nder he r w ide forehead they were l i ke dark moth ’ s w i ngs ; theyhovered , rested , fl i cke r i ng , v ib rat i ng to the fine t ipso f the i r corners .Whatever had been the matte r w i th h im i n I nd ia ,

Capta i n Cameron had recove red . His keen , fa i r ,H igh land face made Bart i e ’ s face look terr i b le .Fe rd ie was charm ing ; not more charm i ng to Bart i e

’ sw i fe than he was to Frances ; not more charm i ng toFrances than to he r s i ste rs ; so that even Lou ie un

ben t , and Emmel i n e and Ed i th fe l l i n love w i th h im .

He fl i r ted w i th Frances u nde r An thony ’s nose ; andw i th the Aun t i es u nde r Gran n ie ’s nose . The corne rsof Vera ’s mou th fol lowed the t i l t of he r long eyes ’

corne rs as she saw h im do i t .You cou ld not t h i nk of Vera as the ch i ld ren ’s

Aun t ie , or as Bart i e’ s w i fe , or as Veron ica

’ s mothe r .

Veron ica was a very l i t t le gi r l who sang songsand was afra id of ghosts .She slept i n he r mother ’s room , and so neve r

cou ld be pu t to bed t i l l hal f-past seven ; or t i l l he rmothe r was dressed to the last hook of her gown , thelast ha i rp i n , the last touch of powder (adhes ive w i thout b ismuth), and the last shadow drawn fine abou ther eyelashes . When Vera , beaut i fu l i n a beau t i fu lgown , came t ra i l i ng i n to the room where everybodywa i ted for her, Veron ica hid herse l f beh i nd UncleAn thony ’s b ig cha i r . When her fathe r told her tocome out of that and say Good-n igh t and be qu ickabou t i t , she came slowly (she was not i n the leasta fra i d of Bart i e), show i ng herse l f bit by b i t , honey

Peace 59

coloured ha i r,eyeb rows dark u nder her gol d , ve ry

dark aga i nst he r wh i te ; sorrowfu l , t ransparen t , l uc ideyes . A l i t t l e g i r l w i th a st ra igh t wh i te face . Al i tt le

,s lend e r g i r l i n a st ra igh t wh i te f rock . She

stood by Anthony ’s cha i r , Sp i nn i ng ou t the t ime ,sm i l i ng at h im w i th her ch i ld i sh , a ering mou th , asm i le that woul d not spread , tha t never went h ighertha n the t ip of he r wh i te nose , that l eft he r l uc id ,t ransparen t eyes st i l l sorrowfu l .She knew that Anthony wou ld take he r on h i s

knee,and that she cou ld s it there w i th he r head

tucked u nder h i s ch i n , sm i l i ng at h im , prolong i ngher caresses

,t i l l Vera told h im to pu t he r down and

let he r go .

Bart i e growled" Did you hear you r mothe r te l li ng you to say Good-n igh t ?

“Yes . But I must k i ss Uncle Anthony fi rst .

Properly . Once on h is mouth . Once—o h h is nose .

And once—ou—h is—eyes . And—once—on—h i s—dear l i t t l e—e ars .After that Veron ica wen t s lowly from cha ir to

cha i r , l i nge r i ng at each , s i t t i ng fi rst on Frances ’

s

lap , then on Vera’s , sp i n n i ng ou t he r caresses , that

spu n ou t the t ime and stre tched i t farthe r and farthe rbetween he r and the u nearth ly hou r ahead of he r .But at he r fathe r ’s cha i r she d id not l i nge r fo r

a s i ngle i nstan t She sl i pped he r hand i n to h i s handthat dropped i t a s i f i t had hu rt h im ; she touched h isforehead wi th he r smal l mouth , pushed out , absu rd ly ,to keep her face as far as poss ib le from h is . For,though she was not afra id of Bart ie , he was not n i cee i the r to s i t on or to k i ss .Hal f-way across the room she l i ngered .

“ I haven ’ t su ng London B r idge is b rokendown .

’ Don ’ t you wan t me to s i ng i t ? ”

“ No , darl i ng . We wan t you to go to bed .

“ I ’m go ing,Mummy .

”

And at the door she tu rned and looked at themwi th he r sorrowfu l , l uc id , t ransparen t eyes .


Then she went , l eav i ng the doo r open beh i nd he r .She left i t open on purpose, so that she might hea rthe i r vo ices , and look down i n to the room on he rway upsta i rs . Bes ides , she always hoped that somebod wou ld cal l her back aga i n .

She l i nge red at the foot of the sta i rs t i l l Bart i egot up and shu t the door on her . She l i ngered atthe tu rn of the sta i rs and on the land i ng . Bu tnobody ever cal led her back aga i n .

And nobody bu t N icky knew what she wasafra i d of .

Veron ica was s i tt i ng up i n the cot that used tobe N icky ’s when he was l i t t l e . N icky , rathe r cold i nh i s pyjamas , sat on the edge of i t bes ide her . A b i

g,

ye l low , t remendous moon hung i n the sky outs i ethe w indow , beh i nd a b ranch of the t ree of Heaven ,and looked at them .

Veron ica c rouched s i deways on her p i l low i n acorner of the cot, her legs doub led up t igh t u nde r he rt i ny body , he r shou lders hu nched together , and herth i n a rms hang i ng before he r st ra ight to he r lap .

Her honey-co lou red ha i r was parted and gatheredi n to two fu nny p la i ts , that s tu ck ou t beh i nd her ear .Her head was t i l ted s l igh tly backwards to rest aga i n stthe ra i l of the cot . She looked at N icky and he r lookre

lminded h im of someth i ng , he cou ldn’ t remember

w at .“Were you ever afra id , N ick she sa id .

N icky searched h i s memory or some image en

c i rc led by an atmosphe re of te rror , and found therea wh i te hou nd wi th red smears on h i s b reast and amuzz le l i ke two saws .

“ Yes , he sa id ,“ I was once .

A lamb—a wh i te lamb—was what Veron ica lookedl i ke . And Jerry had looked at h im l i ke that when hefound h im s i tt i ng on the mustard and cress the dayBori s k i l led h im .

Peace 6 1

Afra id—what ofI don ’ t know that i t was ‘

of’ exact ly .

W ou ld you be afra id of a ghost , now , i f you sawone ? ”

I -expect I jo l ly wel l shou ld , i f I rea lly saw one .Be ing a fra id of ghosts doesn ’ t count , does i t ?No

,of cou rse i t doesn ’ t . You aren ’ t afra id as

long as I ’m here , a re you ?No .

I shal l stay , then , t i l l you go to sleep .

N igh t afte r n igh t he heard her cal l i ng to h im ,

N icky,I ’m fr ightened .

” Nobody bu t Veron ica andN icky were eve r i n bed on that floor before m idn ight .Night afte r n igh t he got up and came to her andstayed bes ide he r t i l l She wen t to sleep .

Once he sa id , I f i t was M i chael he cou ld te l lyou stor ies .”

“ I don ’ t wan t M ichael . I wan t you .

I n the day-t ime she went abou t look i ng for h im .

Where ’s N icky ? ”she sa id .

“ I wan t h im .

“ N icky ’s i n the school room . You can ’ t have

Bu t—I wan t h im .

Can ’ t be hel ped . You must do without‘

h im .

Wil l he be very'

long ?”

Yes , eve r so long . Run away l i ke a good l i tt leg i r l and p lay w i th Don-Don .

”

She knew that they told he r to play w i th DonDon , because she was a l i t t l e g i r l . I f on ly she cou ldgrow b ig qu ick and be the same age as N icky .

I n stead of ru nn i ng away and play i ng w ith DonDon , Ronny wen t away by herse l f i n to the app le-t reehouse , to wa i t fo r N i cky .

The apple- t ree house stood on the grass-plot atthe fa r end of the k i tchen garden . The apple-t reehad had no apples on i t fo r years . I t was so old thati t leaned ove r at a slan t ; i t st retched out two greatboughs l i ke tw isted a rms , and was propped up by awooden post unde r each a rmp i t . The breast of its


t ru nk rested on a cross-beam . The posts and thec ross-beam were the doorway of the house , and theb ranches were i ts roof and wal ls . Anthony hadg iven i t to Veron ica to l ive i n , and Ve ron ica hadg iven i t to N icky . I t was N icky ’s and Ronny

’

shouse . The others were on ly v i s i tors who were not

expected to stay . There was room enough for themboth to stand up i ns ide the doorway , to s it down i nthe m iddle

,and to l ie flat at the fa r end .

“What more ,” sa id N icky ,

“ do you want ?He though t that everybody wou ld be su re to laugh

a t h im when he p layed w i th Ron ny i n the a pple-t reehouse .

“ I don ’ t ca re a ram i f they do , he sa id . Bu tnobody eve r d id , not even M r . Parsons .On ly Frances

,when she passed by that way and

saw N icky and Ronny s i tt i ng c ramped and c loseu nder the i r roof-t ree , sm i l ed u nw i l l i ngly . B u t he rsm i le had i n i t no sort of mockery at a l l . N ickywondered why .

I s i t , sa id Dorothy one morn i ng , that Ronnydoesn ’ t look as i f she was Uncle Bart ie ’s daughte r

,

or that Uncle Bart ie looks as i f he wasn ’ t Ronny ’ sfathe r ?However sudden ly and wanton ly an idea st ruck

Dorothy , she b rough t i t out as i f i t had been theresu l t of long and matu re considerat ion .

“ Or i s i t ,” sa id Vera ,

“ that I don ’t look as i f I

were Ronny ’s mothe r ? ”

Her eves had opened al l the i r l ength to take i nDorothy .

“ No . I th i nk i t i s that Uncle Bart i e l ooksFrances rushed i n .

“ I t doesn ’ t matte r,my dear

,

what you th i nk .

”

“ I t w i l l some day , sa id Dorothy .

I t was perhaps the best th i ng she cou ld have sa id,

as show i ng that she was more i n terested i n the effec t

Peace 63

she wou ld produce some day than i n the sensat ionshe had created there and then .

“ May I go rou nd to R osal i nd ’s afte r lessons ?You may .

”

And may I stay to l u nch i f they ask meYou may stay as long as they care to have you .

Stay to tea,stay to d i n ner , i f you l ike .”

Dorothy knew by the behav iou r of her mother ’ sface that she had scored somewhere, somehow. Sheal so knew that she was i n d isgrace and yet not i nd isgrace ; wh ich , i f you came to th i nk of i t , was afu nny th i ng .

Abou t th i s t ime Frances began to not ice a symptom i n hersel f . She was apt to resent i t when Verad iscussed her ch i ldren w i th her . One late afte rnoonshe and Anthony were a lone w i th Vera . Capta i nCameron had not come rou nd that day , and Bart iehad gone i n to town to consu l t e i the r h i

’

s sol ic i tor ora spec ia l i st . He was always consu l t i ng one or theothe r .

“ You ’ re wrong , you two , sa id Vera . You

th i nk M ichae l ’s tende r and N icky ’

s hard and u n impress ionable . M ichae l ’s hard . You won ’ t have tobothe r abou t M i chael ’s fee l i ngs .M ichael ’s fee l i ngs ,” sa id Frances , are p robab ly

what I shal l have to bothe r abou t mOre ' thananyth i ng

You needn ’ t . For one th i ng , they’ l l be so un

l i ke you r fee l i ngs that you won ’ t k now whethe rthey ’ re fee l i ngs at a l l . You won ’ t even knowwhethe r he ’s hav i ng them or not . N ick y ’s theone you ’ l l have to l ook ou t for. He ’ l l go a l lthe howlers .

“ I don ’ t th i n k that Nicky’ll be very suscept ib le .

He hasn ’ t shown any great s igns so far .

f

“

l

Hasn’

t he"N icky ’s suscept ib i l i ty is someth ingaw u


My dea r Vera , you say you rse l f you don ’ tcare about ch i ldren

, and that you don ’ t u nderstandthem .

”

“ No more I do,sa id Ve ra . B u t I u nderstand

Do you u nderstand Veron ica ?Of cou rse I don ’ t . I sa i d men . Veron ica ’ s a

g i rl . Bes ides,I ’m Veron ica ’s mothe r .

N icky,

” sa i d Anthony ,“is not much more than

You keep on th i nk i ng of h im as a ch i ld—a ch i l dnoth i ng bu t a ch i ld . Wai t t i l l N ick y has ch i ldrenof h i s own . Then you ’ l l know .

”

“ They wou ld be rather darl i ngs , N icky ’ sch i l dren , Frances sa id .

So wou ld Veron i ca ’s .

”

Ver—on icaYou needn ’ t be fr ightened . N icky ’s aff ect ion

for Ron ny i s pu re ly pate rna l .”

“ I ’m not fr ightened ,” sa id Frances . But she le ft

the room . She d id not care for the tu rn the tal k hadtaken . Bes ides , she wan ted Vera to see that she wasnot a fra id to leave he r a lone w i th Anthony .

“ I ’m glad Frances has gone , sa i d Vera , becauseI wan t to ta l k to you . You ’d neve r have known eachothe r i f i t hadn ’ t been for me . She cou ldn ’ t ha vemarr ied you . I t was I who saw you both th rough .

”

He assen ted .

“ And you sa id i f there was ever anyth i ng youcou ld do for me You haven ’ t by any chanceforgotten

“ I have not .

Wel l , i f anyth i ng shou ld happen to meBut , my dear g i rl , what shou ld happen to you ?Th ings do happen , Anthony .

Yes , bu t how abou t Bart i e ?That ’ s i t . Suppos i ng we separated .

Good heavens , you’ re not contemplat i ng tha t,

are you


ANTHONY had begun to wonder where on earth heshou ld send Morr ie ou t to th is t ime , when the Boe rWar came and solved h i s p rob lem .

Maur ice,j oyous and adven tu rous agai n , sent h im

sel f to South Afr ica , to en l i st i n the Imper ia l L ightf l o t se .Ferd ie Cameron wen t ou t a lso w i th the Second

Gordon H igh landers,so lv i ng , perhaps , anothe r

p rob lem .

I t’

s no u se t ry i ng to be sorry , Mummy ,Dorothy sa i d .

Frances knew what Anthony was th i nk i ng , andAnthony knew i t was what Frances thought herse l fS uppos i ng th i s t ime Morr i e d idn ’ t come back Thenthat p rob lem wou ld be solved for eve r . Franceshated problems when they worr ied Anthony .

Anthony d etested p rob lems when they botheredFrances .And the ch i ldre n knew what they were th i nk ing .

Dorothy wen t on“ I t ’s al l rot pretend i ng that we want h im to come

I t was j ol ly decen t o f h im to en l i st , sa id N icky .

Dorothy adm i tted that i t was jol ly decen t .But ,

” she sa id ,“ what e l se cou ld he do ? H is on ly

chance was to go away and do someth ing so j ol lypl ucky that we ’ re ashamed of ou rse l ves, and neverto come back aga i n to spo i l i t . You don ’t wan t h imto Spoi l i t , Mummy ducky , do you ?An thony and Frances t r i ed , consc ient iously and

pat r iot i ca l ly , to real i se the Boer War . They sa id i t66

Peace 67

was te rr ib le to have i t hang i ng over them , morn i ng ,noon and n igh t . But i t d idn ’ t real ly hang overthem . I t hung over a coun t ry that , excep t oncewhen i t had conven ien t ly swal lowed up Morr ie , theyhad never thought abou t and cou ld not care for, alandscape that they cou ld not see . The war was noteven part of that landscape ; i t refused to move overi t i n any t raceab le cou rse . I t s imply hu ng , o r layas one photograph ic fi lm m igh t l i e upon anothe r . I twas not the i r fau l t . They

\t r i ed to see i t . They

bough t the spec ia l ed i t ions of the even i ng papers ;they read the m i l i ta ry d ispatches and the stori es ofthe war corresponden ts from begi n n i ng to end ;they sta red blank ly at the pr i n ted columns thatrecorded the d i saste rs of N icho lson ’ s Nek

,and

Colen so and Sp ion K op . But the forms were greyand i n substan t ia l ; i t was a l l flat and grey l i ke thep ictu res i n the i l l ust rated papers ; the very b lood ofi t ran grey .

I t wasn ’ t real . For Frances the b rown wal l s o fthe house , the open wings of i ts wh i te shu tte rs , thegreen garden and the t ree of Heaven were rea l ; sowere “ Jack St raw ’s Cast le ” and Harrow on theH i l l ; morn i ng and noon and n igh t were real , andgett i ng up and dress i ng and go i ng to bed ; most rea lof al l the s igh t and sound and touch of he r husbandand her ch i ldren .

Only now and then the v is ion grew sol id andstood fi rm . Frances carr ied abou t w i th he r d ist i nctimages of Mau r ice , to wh i ch she cou ld attach therest . Thus she had an image of Long Tom , an immense slend e r muzz l e , t i l ted up ove r a h igh r idge ,nos i ng out Maur ice .

Mau r ice was shu t up i n Ladysm ith .

“ Don ’ t worry , Mummy . That ’ l l keep h im out ofm isch ief . Daddy sa id he ought to be shut up somewhere .

”

“ He ’ s starv i ng , Dorothy . He won ’ t have anyth i ng to eat .”


Or dri nk , ducky .

Oh,you ’ re c rue l 1 Don ’ t be c ruel i

“ I ’m not crue l . I f I d idn ’ t care so awfu l ly fo r

you ,Mummy

,I s hou ldn ’ t m i nd whethe r he came

back or d idn ’ t . You’ re c rue l . You ought to th i n k

of Gran n ie and Aunt ie Lou ie and Aunt ie Emmy andAunt ie Ed ie .

”

“ At the momen t , sa id Frances , I am th i nk i ngof Uncle Morr i e .”

She was th i n k i ng of h im , not as he actua l ly was,bu t as he had been

,as a b ig boy l ike M ichael , as a

l i t t l e boy l i ke John,two years you nge r than she ; a

l i t t le boy by tu rns spo i led and thwarted , who contrived , neverthe less , to get most th i ngs that he happened to want by cry i ng for them

,though every

body e l se wen t w i thou t . And i n the grown -upMorr ie ’s p lace , unde r the shel ls of Ladysm i th , she

saw N icky .

For N icky had declared h i s i n ten t ion of go i ngi n to the Army .

“ And I ’

m th i nk i ng of Morr ie , Dorothy sa id . Idon ’ t wan t h im to m iss i t .

Frances and An thony had hung ou t flags forMafek i ng ; Dorothy and N icky , mounted on b icycles ,had been career i ng th rough the H igh St ree t w i thflags fly i ng from the i r handle-bars . M ichael was aPro-Boer and flew no flags . Al l these th i ngsi rr i tated Mau r ice .He had come back aga i n . He had m issed i t

,as

he had m issed a l l the Chances that were eve r g ivenh im . A sl ight wound kept h im i n hosp i ta l th roughou t the greate r part of the s iege

,and he had m issed

the sort ie of h i s squadron and the tak i ng of the gun sfor wh ich Ferd ie Came ron got h i s p romot ion and hisD .S .O . He had come back i n the m idd le of the wa rw ith noth i ng bu t a bu l le t wound i n h is l eft l eg top rove that he had taken part i n i t .

Peace

The part he had taken had not sobered Mau r ice .

I t had on ly dep ressed h im . And depress ion,afte r

prolonged , bru ta l abst i nence , broke down the shee rst rength by wh ich somet imes he ' st retched a per iodo f sobr ie ty beyond its natu ra l l im i ts .For there were two k i nds of dr i nk i ng"great

d r i nk i ng that came se ldom and was the on ly th ingthat counted

,and ord i nary dr i nk i ng that , though i t

wen t on most of the t ime , brought no sat i sfact ionand d idn ’ t cou n t at a l l . And the re were two statesof dru nkenness to correspond one i n tense and v iv id ,without memory , t ranscend i ng a l l other states ; andone that was no more remarkab le than any othe r .Before the war Morr ie ’s great dr i n k i ng came se ldom ,

by fits and bu rsts and sp lend id u n last i ng uprushes ;afte r the war the two states tended to approach t i l l

,

they merged i n one con t i nua l s i ck ly soak i ng . Andwh i le othe r importan t and ou tstand ing th i ngs , andth i ngs that he rea l ly wan ted to remember , d isappeared i n the poi sonous flood le t loose i n Morr ie ’smemory , he never for one momen t lost s ight of thefact that i t was he and not Anthony , h is brother- ihl aw , who had en l i sted and was wounded .

He was fu r ious w i th h is mother and s iste rs fo rnot real i s i ng the war . He was fu r iou s wi th Francesand Anthony . Not real i s i ng the war mean t notreal is i ng what he had been th rough . He swore bysome quee r God of h is that he wou ld make themreal ise i t . The least they cou ld do fo r h im was tol i s ten to what he had to say .

“ You peop le here don ’ t know what war is . Youth i nk it ’

s a l l glory and pl uck , and dash i ng ou t andblow i ng up the enemy ’s gu ns

,and the B r i t i sh flag

fly i ng , and wounded p ipers p ip i ng al l the t ime andnot car i ng a damn . Nobody car i ng a damn .

“ And i t isn ’ t . I t’

s d i rt and fu nk and st i n ks andmore fu nk al l the t ime . I t

’

s ly i ng ou t al l n igh t onthe beast ly veldt , and go ing to sleep and gett i ngfrozen , and wak i ng up and find i ng you ’ve got warm


aga i n because you r ne ighbou r ’s i n s ide ’s been fi redou t on the top of you . You get wounded whenthe st retche r-beare rs aren ’ t a nywhere abou t , andyou c rawl over to the next poo r dev i l and l ieback to back w i th h im to keep warm . And j ustwhen you ’ve dropped off to sl eep you wake upsh iver i ng , because he

’s d i ed of a wound he d idn ’ tknow he ’d got .

“ You ’ l l fi nd a chap ly i ng on h i s back al l n iceand

'

com fy, and when you sta rt to p ick h im up youcan ’ t l i ft h im because h i s head ’ s glued to the grou nd .

You t ry a b i t , gent ly , and the flesh g ives way l i kerotten fru i t , and the bone l i ke a Cup you

’ve b rokenand stuck togethe r w i thou t any seccot i ne , and youheave up a body w i th hal f a head on i t . And al l theb ra i n s are i n the o the r hal f , the one that

’ s gl ueddown . That ’s war.

“ Huh 1 He th rew ou t h is b reath w i th a je rk ofcon tempt . I t seemed to h im that ne i the r Frances norAnthony was l i sten i ng to h im . They were not looki ng at h im . They d idn ’ t wan t to l i sten ; they d idn

’ twan t to look at h im . He cou ldn ’ t touch them ; hecou ldn ’ t evoke one s i ngle c lear image i n the i r m i nds ;there was no horror he cou ld name that wou ld st i ngt

l

hem to v is ion , to real i sat i on . They had not bee nt ere .

Dorothy and M ichael and N icky were l i ste n i ng .

The th ree k ids had imag i nat ion ; they cou ld take i t i n .

They sta red as i f he had b rought those horrors i n tothe room . Bu t even they m issed the real i ty of i t .They saw eve ryth i ng he mean t them to see, excep th im . I t was as i f they were i n the con sp i racy to keeph im out of i t .He glared at Frances and An thony . What Was

the good of te l l i ng them , of t ry i ng to make themreal i se i t ? I f they ’d on ly given some s ign , madesome no ise or some gestu re , o r looked at h im , hem i h t have spared them . But the st i ff , averted faceso fTrances and Anthony an noyed h im .

Peace 7 1

And i f you ’ re a poor wre tched Tommy l ike me ,you ’ l l have to sweat i n a b ru ta l sun , hau l i ng up casesof fizz from the ra i lway up cou n t ry to Headquarte rs ,with a th i rst on you that f r i zz les you r th roat . Yousee the stu ff sh i n i n g and sp l u tte r i ng , and you go mad .

You cou ld k i l l the man i f you were to see h im dr i nki t,when you know there

’s noth ing fo r you _ ,but a

bucket of green wate r w i th typho id germs sw imm ingabou t i n i t . That ’s war .

“ You th i nk you ’ re l ucky i f you ’ re wounded andget bumped down i n a bu l lock wagon th i rty m i lesto the base hosp i ta l . But the best th i ng you can do

then is to pop o ff . For i f you get better they makeyou hosp i ta l o rde r ly . And the hosp i ta l o rder ly hasto c lean up al l the muck of the butcher ’s shop frommorn i ng to n ight . When you ’ re so s ick you can ’ tstand you get you r suppe r , dry bread and bu l ly bee f .The bu l ly beef rem i nds you of th i ngs , and the b read

-wel l , the bread’s al l n ice and wh i te on the top .

But when you tu rn i t ove r on the othe r s ide—it’

s

red . That ’s war .”

Frances looked at h im . He thought"“ At lasts

l

he’

s tu rned ; at last I’ve touched he r ; she can real i se

t at .”

Morr ie clear , i t must have been awfu l , she sa id .

I t’

s too awfu l . I don ’ t m ind you r tel l i ng me andAnthony abou t i t ; bu t I

’d rather you d id i t when thech i ldre n aren ’ t in the room .

”

Is that al l you th i nk abou t ? The ch i ld ren ?The ch i ldren . You don ’ t care a t i n ke r ’s cuss abou tthe war . You don ’ t care a damn what happens tome or anybody el se . What does i t matte r who ’swounded or who ’s k i l led , as long as i t i sn ’ t one ofyou r own k i ds ?

“ I ’m simp ly t ry i ng to te l l you what war is . I t’

s

d i rt and st i nk and fun k . That ’s a l l i t i s . Andthere ’s p rec ious l i tt le glory i n i t

,N icky .

”

“ I f the Boers won there wou ld be glory , M i chael


Not even i f the Boe rs won , sa id Mau r ice .

Certa i n ly not i f the Boe rs won ,” sa id Anthony .

You ’ l l say next there’d be no glory i f the re was

war between England and I re land and the I r i sh won .

And yet there wou ld be glory .

”

Would the re ? Go and read h istory and don ’ tta l k rot .”

I have read i t ,” sa i d M ichae l .

Frances thought"“ He doesn ’ t know what he ’sta l k i ng abou t . Why shou ld he ? He

’

s bare lyth i rteen . I can ’ t th i nk where he gets these ideasfrom . Bu t he ’ l l g row ou t of them .

I t was not Mau r i ce that she saw i n Mau r ice ’s warp ictu res . But he had made them rea l i se what warwas ; and they vowed that as long as they l i ved notone of the i r sons shou ld have anyth i ng to do wi th i t .

I n the spr i ng o f n i neteen-one Anthony sen tMau r ice ou t to Cal i fo rn i a . The Boe r War wasended .

Anothe r year , and the v is ion o f war passed fromFrances as i f i t had never been .


The Tree of Heaven

pastu res ; fie lds of b right ye l low mustard i n flower onthe lowe r h i l l s ; then , rectangu la r fi r p lantat ions andcopses o f s lender beech t rees in the hol lows . Somewhe re

,fa r-off , the Severn , fa i n t and st i l l , l i ke a r iver

i n a dream .

Memory of the round wh i te town i n the roundp i t of the val l ey , sh i n i ng , smok ing th rough the th i cka i r a nd the wh i te o rchard b lossoms ; memorysatu rated by a smel l that i s l i ke no othe r sme l lon earth , the de l i cate sme l l of the M id land l imestone cou n try

,the sme l l of c lean wh i te dust ,

and of grass dry i ng i n t he sun and of mustardflowe rs .M ichae l was i n Chel tenham .

I t was a matte r of many u nhapp i nesses , not oneunhapp i ness . A sudden i ntolerab le u nhapp i ness, theflash and stab of the beau ty of the almond-flowers ,seen i n pass i ng and never se ized , beau ty wh ich i t wou ldhave been better for h im i f he had not seen ; the knowledge , wh ich he ought neve r to have had , tha t th i sbeau ty had to d ie , was k i l led because he had notse i zed i t , when , i f he cou l d bu t have he ld i t for onem i nu te , i t wou ld have been immortal . A vague , l ightu nhapp i ness that came somet imes , he cou ld not fo rthe l i fe of h im th i nk why ,

f rom the s igh t of h is ownbody str ipped , and from the feel i ng of h is ownmuscles . There was sadness for h im i n h is veryst rength . A long

,ach i ng u nhapp i ness that came

w i th h is memory of the open cou n try ove r the tops ofthe h i l l s , wh ich , i n the i r i nc red ib le stup id i ty andc rue l ty

,they had let h im see . A qu i ck , l ace rat i ng

u nhapp i ness when he though t of h is mothe r , and ofthe garden on the Heath

,and the h igh r idge of the

Span iards ’ Road , and London be low i t , immense andbeaut i fu l .The u nhapp i ness of never be i ng by h imsel f .He was af ra id of the herd . I t was w i th h im n igh t

and day . He was afra id of the thoughts , theemot ions that se i zed i t , sway i ng , mov ing the mu l t i

Peace 75

tude of u ndeveloped sou ls as i f they had been onemonstrous

,dom inat i ng sou l . He was afra id of the i r

vo ices,when they chan ted , sang and shouted to

ethe r . He loathed the i r slang even when he used i t .fi e d is l i ked the col l ect i ve , male odou r of the herd ,the b rush i ng aga i nst h im of bod ies i nflamed wi thru nn i ng

,the steam of the i r speed r i s i ng th rough the i r

hot sweaters ; and the smel l of dust and i nk andi nd ia-rubber and res i nous wood i n the warm classrooms .M ichae l was a t school .The th i ng he had dreaded , that had hung ove r h im ,

th reaten ing h im for years before i t happened , hadhappened . Noth i ng cou ld have preven ted i t ; the i rnames had been down for Chel tenham long ago ; fi rsth i s

,then N icky ’s . Chel tenham , because Bart ie and

Vera l ived there , and because i t had a col lege fo rg i rl s , and Dorothy , who wanted to go to Roedean ,

had been sen t to Chel tenham , because of Bart i e andVera and for no othe r reason . Fi rst Dorothy ; then ,he , M ichael ; then , the next term ,

N icky . AndN icky had been sen t (a whole year before h is t ime)because of M ichael , i n the hope that M ichael wou ldsett le down bette r i f he had h is b rothe r w i th h im . I td idn ’ t seem reasonab le .

Not that e i the r Dorothy or N icky m i nded whenthey got there . Al l that N icky m inded was not be i ngat Hampstead . Bei ng at Chel tenham he d id notm i nd at al l . He rather l i ked i t , s i nce Major Cameronhad come to stay j ust outs ide it—oh pu rpose to annoyBart ie—and took them ou t r id i ng . Even M ichae ld id not m i nd Che l tenham more than any otherp lace h i s peop le m ight have chosen . He was notun reasonab le . Al l he asked was to be let alone

,

and to have room to breathe and ge t ahead in .

As i t was,he had e i ther to go w i th the schoo l

mass , o r waste energy i n res i st i ng its po isonous1mpact.

He had chosen res i stance .


TUDOR HOUSE,CHELTENHAM

,

“S unday .

DEAREST MOTHER ,— I ’ve pu t Sunday on th i s letter,

though it ’

s rea l ly Fr iday , because I’m supposed to be

wr i t i ng i t on Sunday when the othe r fe l lows are wr i ti ng . That ’s the beast ly th i ng abou t . th i s p lace ,you ’ re expected to do eve ryth i ng when the othe rfe l lows are do i ng i t , whethe r you wa n t to o r not , asi f the very fact that they ’ re do i ng i t too d idn ’ t make

you hate i t .“ I ’m wr i t i ng now because I s imply must . I f I

wa i ted t i l l S unday I m ightn ’ t wan t to , and anyhowI shou ldn ’ t remember a s i ngle th i ng I mean t to say .

Even now Johnson m i nor ’s d igg i ng h i s sk i n nyelbows i n to one s ide of me

,and Hart l ey major ’ s b i t i ng

the feathers off h is pen and sp i tt i ng them out aga i non the other . But they ’ re on ly supposed to be do i ngLat i n verse , so i t doesn ’ t matte r so much . What Imean i s it ’

s as i f the i r beast ly m i nds kept on l eak i ngi n to you rs t i l l you ’ re a l l m ixed up w i th them . That ’ swhy I asked Daddy to take me away next te rm . You

see— i t ’s more se r iou s than he th i nks—it i s , real ly .

You ’ve no i dea what i t ’s l i ke . You ’ve got to swotevery b l essed th i ng the othe r fe l lows swot even i f youcan ’ t do i t , and whethe r i t

’ s go ing to be any good toyou or not . Why , you

’ re expected to sleep whenthey ’ re s leep i ng , even i f the chap next you snores .Daddy m ight remembe r that it

’

s N icky who l ikesmathemat i cs , not me . I t ’ s a l l very we l l fo r N ickywhen he wants to go i nto the Army al l the t ime .

There are th i ngs I wan t to do . I wan t to wr i te andI ’m go ing to wr i te . Daddy can ’ t keep me off i t .And I don ’ t be l ieve he ’d wan t to i f he u nderstood .

There ’ s noth i ng el se i n the world I ’ l l eve r be anygood at

“ And there a re th i ngs I wan t to know . Iwan t to know Greek and Lat i n and French and

Peace 77

German and I tal ian and Span i sh , and Old Frenchand Russ ian and Ch i nese and Japanese , oh , andProvencal , and every b lessed language that has o rhas had a l i te ratu re . I can l ear n languages qu itefast . Do you suppose I ’ve got a chance of know i ngone of them—real ly know ing—e ven i f I had the t imeNot much . And that ’s where be i ng here ’s

,

so rot ten .

They waste you r t ime as i f i t was the i rs, not you rs .They ’ve s imply no not ion of the val ue of i t . Theyseem to th i nk t ime doesn ’ t matte r because you ’ reyou ng . Fancy tak ing th ree months over a Greekp lay you can read i n th ree hou rs . That ’ l l g ive yousome idea .

“ I t a l l comes o f bemg i n a beastly form andhav i ng to go w i th the othe r fel lows . Say they ’ reth i rty fe l lows i n you r form

,and twen ty-n i ne st ick ;

you ’ve got to st ick w i th them,i f i t ’ s te rms and terms .

They can ’ t do i t any othe r way . I t ’s because I ’myoung , Mummy , that I m i nd so awfu l ly . Suppos i ngI d ied i n ten years ’ t ime , or even fi fteen ? I t s imp lymakes me hate everybody . Love to Daddy and Don .

—You r lov i ng, M I CK .

P .S .

—I don ’ t mean that Hart ley major i sn ’ tgood at Lat i n verse . He is . He can l ick me i n tofi ts when he ’ s b i tte n a ll the feathers off .

”

TUDOR HOUSE,

CHELTENHAM ,Tu esday,

DARLING MUMMY , —Daddy doesn’

t u nderstand .

You on ly th i n k he does because you l i ke h im . I t ’sal l rot what he says abou t esp r i t de co rps

,the

put r idest rot , though I know he doesn’ t mean i t .

“ And he ’s wrong abou t gym,and dr i l l and games

and al l that . I don ’ t m ind gym,and I don ’ t m i nd

dr i l l , and I l i ke games . I’m fa i rly good at most of

them—excep t foote r . Al l the fel lows say I’m fa i r ly


good—otherw ise I don ’ t suppose they ’d st ick me fora m i nu te . I don ’ t even m i nd Chape l . You see ,

when i t ’s on ly you r body do i ng what the othe r chapsdo , i t doesn

’ t seem to matte r . I f esp r i t de corps wasesp r i t de corps i t wou ld be a ll r ight . But i t ’s espr i td ’esp r i t . And i t ’s absol u te ly s icken i ng the th i ngsthey can do to you r m i nd . I can ’ t stand anothe rte rm of it. —Always you r lov i ng

,

M ICK .

P .S .—How do you know I shan ’ t be dead i n

te n or fi fteen years ’ t ime ? I t’

s enough to make me .

- I t ’s al l very wel l for Daddy to talk—he

doesn ’ t wan t to learn Ch i nese .

”

TUDOR HOUSE ,CHELTENHAM ,

Thursday .

DEAR FATHER, —Al l r igh t . Have i t you r ownway . On ly I shal l k i l l ‘mysel f . You needn ’ t te l lMothe r that—though i t won ’ t matte r so much asshe ’ l l ve ry l i kely th i nk . And perhaps then you won ’ tt ry and stop N icky go i ng i nto the Army as you ’vestopped me .

“ I don ’ t care a ‘ram,

’ as N icky wou ld say,

whethe r you bu ry me or c remate me ; on ly you m ightg ive my Theoc r i tu s to old Parsons , and my revol ve rto N icky i f i t doesn ’ t b u rst . He ’d l i ke i t .

“ M ICHAEL .

P .S .—I f Parson s wou l d rather have my

Ai schylus he can , or both .

”

TUDOR HOUSE ,CHELTENHAM ,

“S unday .

DARLING MUMMY , -I t ’s you r tu rn for a lette r .Do you th i n k Daddy

’

d le t me tu rn the hen-house

Peace 79

i n to a workshop next hol idays , as there aren’ t any

hens ? And wou ld he g ive me a proper lathe fo rt u rn i ng stee l a nd b rass and stu ff for my nextb i rthday ? I ’m afra i d i t ’ l l cost an awfu l lot ; bu the cou ld take i t ou t of my othe r b i rthdays , I don

’ tm i nd how many so long as I can have the lathe th i sone .

“ Th is place i sn’t hal f bad Once you get used to i t .I l i ke the fel lows

,and al l the masters are real ly

jol ly decen t , though I w ish we had old Parsons herei nstead of the one we have to do Greek fo r . He ’ san awfu l chap to make you swot .

“ I don ’ t know what you mean abou t M ick be i ngseedy . He

’

s as fi t as fi t . You shou ld see h im whenhe ’s st r ipped . Bu t he hates the p lace l i ke po isonhal f the t ime . He can ’ t stand be i ng w i th a lot offe l lows . He

’

s a rum chap because they al l l i keh im no end

,the maste rs and the fe l lows

,though

they th i nk he ’

s fun ny , a l l excep t Hart l ey majo r ,but he

’

s such a measly l i tt le b l i ghte r that he doesn ’ tcoun t .

“We had a r ipp i ng t ime last Satu rday . Bart iewen t up to town , and Major Cameron took Dorothyand Ronny and Vera and me and M ick to B i rd l ipi n h is dog-cart , on ly M ick and me had to b i ke because the re wasn ’ t room enough . Howeve r wegrabbed the cha i ns beh i nd and the dog-cart pu l ledu s up the h i l l s l i ke anyth i ng , and we cou ldtal k to Dorothy and Ronny w i thou t

‘

h av ing toyel l a t each othe r . He did us j o l ly wel l a t teaafte rwards .

“ Dorothy rode my‘

b ike st r idelegs com i ng back ,so that I cou ld s it i n the dog-cart . She sa id she ’dget a jo l l y w igg i ng i f she was seen We shan ’ tknow t i l l Monday .

“ You know, Mummy , that k id Ronny’s hav i ng a

rotten t ime,what w i th Bart i e be i ng such a beast and

Vera chummi ng up w i th Ferd ie and go i ng off t ocou n t ry houses where he is . I real ly th i nk she ’d


bet te r come to us for the hol idays . Then I cou ldteach her to r ide . Bart ie won ’ t le t he r learn he re ,though Ferd ie ’

d gone and bought a pony for he r .That was to sp i te Ferd ie . He

’

s worse than eve r, i f

you can imag i ne that , and he’ s got th ree more th i ngs

the matte r w i th h im .

“ I must stop now .

Love to Dad and Don and Nanna . Next yea rI ’m to go i n to phy s ics and st i nks— tha t ’s chem ist ry .

—You r lov i ngN ICK Y .

THE LEAS ,PARABOLA ROAD,

CHELTENHAM ,“S unday .

DEAREST MUMMY , —I ’

m awfu l ly sorry you don ’ tl i ke my last term ’ s school report . I k now i t wasn ’ twhat i t ough t to have been . I have to hold mysel fi n so as to keep i n the same class w i th Rosal i n dwhen we ’ re moved up afte r M idsummer . Bu t asshe ’ s p rom i sed me fa i thfu l ly she ’ l l l e t hersel f r i p nextterm , you

’ l l see i t ’ l l be a l l r ight a t X mas . W e ’ l lboth be i n I A the M idsummer after

,and we can go

i n for our mat r i c . togethe r . I w i sh you ’d arrangewi th M rs . Jerv is fo r both of u s to be at Newnhamat the same t ime Tel l her Rosal i nd ’s an awfu l

“

slacke r i f I ’m not there to keep her u p to the mark .

No—don ’ t te l l he r that . Tel l he r I ’

m a slacke r i fshe i sn ’ t there .

“ I was amused by you r say i ng i t was d ecen t o fBart ie to have u s so often . He on ly does i t becauseth i ngs are get t i ng so t igh t between h im and

'

Verathat he ’s glad of anyth i ng that relaxes the st ra i n ab i t . Even u s . He ’s snapp ie r than ever w i th Ronny .

I can ’ t th i nk how the poor k id stands i t .“You know that r ipp i ng wh i te serge coat and

sk i rt you sen t me ? Wel l , the sk i rt’s not nearl y long



And the awfu l th i ng i s that I can ’ t do a th i ngfor h im . No t a th i ng . Unless

“You haven ’ t fo rgotten the p rom i se you made me

two yea rs ago ,have you ?

“ Dorothy seemed to th i nk you cou ld pu t Ron nyand me up

— aga i n l—at M idsummer . Can you ?And i f poor Ferd ie wants to come and see us , youwon ’ t tu rn h im off you r door-mat , wi l l you -You rlov ingest,

VERA .

Frances sa id , Poor Vera"She even makespoor M ick an excuse for see i ng Ferd ie .

”

THREE more years passed and Frances had fu lfi l ledher p rom ise . She had taken Veron ica .

The s i tuat ion had become defin i te . Bart ie had del ive red h is u l t imatum . E ithe r Vera must g ive up MajorCameron

,s ign i ng a wr i t ten p ledge i n the p resence

of th ree w i tnesses,Frances , Anthony and Bart i e

’ssol ic i to r , that she wou ld ne i the r see h im nor wr i te toh im

,nor hold any sort o r manner of commu n icat ion

w i th h im , d i rect or i nd i rect , or he wou ld ob ta i n aj ud ic ia l separat ion . I t was to be clear ly u nderstoodby both of them that he wou ld not , i n any c i rcumstances

,d ivorce her . Bart i e knew that a d i vorce was

what they wanted , what they had been p lay i ng fo r ,and he was not go i ng to make th i ngs easy fo r them ;he was goi ng to make th i ngs hard and b i tte r andshamefu l . He had based h is u l t imatum on the ca lcu lat ion that Vera wou ld not have the cou rage of he remot ion s ; that even her pass ion wou ld su rrenderwhen she fou nd that i t had no longe r the p rotect ionof her husband ’s house and name . Bes ides Verawas expens ive , and Cameron was a spendth r i ft on aninsufli cient i n come ; he cou ld not poss ib ly aff ord her .I f Bart i e ’s su sp ic ion s were correct , the th i ng had beengoi ng on for the last twelve years , and i f i n twe lveyears ’ t ime they had not forced h is hand that wasbecause they had coun ted the cost

,and dec ided that

,

as Frances had pu t i t , the game was not worth thescandal . ”

For when susp ic ion became unendu rab le he hadconsu l ted An thony who assu red h im that Frances

,

who ough t to know, was conv i nced that there was83

The Tree of Heaven

noth i ng i n i t except i ncompat ib i l i ty , for wh ich Bart iewas super lat ive ly respons ib l e .

Anthony ’s manner d id not encou rage confidence ,and he gathered that h is own more s i n i ste r interpretation wou ld be d ism issed w ith contemptuous i ncredul ity . Anthony was u nder h i s w i fe ’s thumb

,a nd

Frances had been completely bambooz led by herdearest fr i end . St i l l , when once the i r eyes wereopened , he reckoned on the support of Anthony andFrances . I t was i nconce ivab le that

,faced w i th a

pub l i c sca ndal , h is b rother and h i s s i ste r- in-l aw wou lds i de w i th Vera .

I t was a game where Bart ie apparent ly held a l lthe ca rds . And h is t rump card was Veron ica .

He was not go i ng to keep Veron ica w i thou t Vera .

That had been tac i t l y u nde rstood between them longago . I f Vera wen t to Cameron she cou ld not takeVeron ica w i th her w i thou t open ly confi rm i ng Bart ie ’sworst su sp ic i on .

And yet a ll these th i ngs , so i nconce i vab l e toBart ie , happened . When i t came to the stabb i ngpo i n t the cou rage o f Vera ’ s emot ions was such thatshe defied her husband and h i s u l t imatum

,and wen t

to Cameron . By that t ime Ferd ie was so i l l thatshe wou ld have been ashamed of hersel f i f she hadnot gone . And though Anthony ’s house was notOpen to the u nhappy lovers

,Frances and Anthony

had taken Veron ica .

Grann i e and Aunt i e Lou ie and Aun t i e Emmel i neand Aunt i e Ed ie came ove r to West End Housewhen they heard that i t had been dec ided . I t wast ime , they sa id , that somebody Shou ld p rotest , tha tsomebody Shou ld adv i se Frances for he r own goodand for the good of her ch i l d ren .

They had always detested and d ist rusted VeraHarr i son ; they had always known what wou ld happen . The wonder was i t had not happened before .

But why Frances shou ld make i t easy for her,why

Frances shou ld shou lde r Vera Harr i son ’s respons i

Peace 85

b il itics , and bu rden hersel f w i th that ch i ld , and whyAnthony shou ld g ive h i s consen t to such a p roceedi ng , was more than they cou ld imag i ne .Once Frances had stood up for the th ree Au n t ies

aga i nst Grann i e ; now Grann ie and the th ree Aunt ieswere u n i ted aga i nst F rances .

“ Frances,you ’ re a fool i sh woman .

My fol ly i s my own a ffa i r and Anthony ’s .”

You ’ l l have to pay fo r i t some day .

”

You m igh t have thought of you r own ch i ldren

I d id . I though t How wou ld I l i ke them to beforsaken l i ke poor Ronny ? ”

“ You shou ld have though t of the boys . M ichael ’sgrow ing up ; so i s N icky .

“ N icky i s fi ftee n ; Ronny is e l even , i f you cal l that

growm up .

”

“ That ’s al l ve ry wel l,bu t when N icky i s twen ty

pineand Ronny i s seven teen what a re you go i ng to

O P3 ,

“ I ’m not go i ng to tu rn Ron ny ou t of doors forfear N icky shou ld fal l i n love w i th he r, i f that

’ s whatyou mean .

”

“ I t is what I mean , now you’ve men t ioned i t .

He’

s l ess l i ke ly to fal l i n love w i th her i f I b r i ngthem up as b rother and s i ste r . ”

“ You m igh t th i nk of An thony . Bartholomew ’sw i fe leaves h im for anothe r man , and you a id andabet her by tak i ng he r ch i ld , re l i ev i ng he r of he r onerespons ib i l i ty .

“ Bart ie ’ s w i fe leaves h im,and we help Bart i e

by tak i ng care of h i s ch i ld—who i s our n i ece,not

y ou rs .”

“ My dear Frances , that att i tude i sn’ t go i ng to

dece ive anybody . I f you don ’ t th i n k of Anthony andyou r ch i ldren , you m igh t th i nk of us . We don

’ t wan tto be m ixed up i n th i s perfect ly horr ib le affa i r .

“ How are you m ixed up i n i t ? ”

Wel l , after al l , Frances , we are the fam i ly .


We are you r s i ste rs and you r mothe r and you rch i ldren ’s grandmother and au n ts .”

Then,sa id Frances wi th dec is ion , you must

t ry to bea r i t . You must take the rough w i th thesmooth , as Anthony and I do .

”

And as soon as she had sa id i t she was sorry . I tst ruck he r for the fi rst t ime that he r s i ste rs were gett i ng old . I t was no u se for Au nt ie Lou ie , more redand more r ig id than ever , to defy the imm inence ofher forty-n i n th b i rthday . Aunt ie Emmy ’ s gestu res ,her mouth i ngs and exc i temen t , on ly drew atten t ionto the fact that she was forty-seven . And Ed ie , why ,even poor l i t t l e Aun t ie Ed ie was forty-fiv e . Grann ie

,

dry and w i ry , hardly looked olde r than Aunt ie Ed ie .

They left he r , go i ng st i ffly , i n offence . Andaga i n the u nbearab le pathos of them smote her . Thepoor Aunt i es"She was a b ru te to hu rt them .

She st i l l thought of them as Aunt ie Lou ie , Aunt ieEmmy , Aunt ie Ed i e . I t seemed k i nder ; fo r thu sshe bestowed upon them a colou r and v i ta l i ty that ,bu t for he r and for her ch i ldren

,they wou ld not have

had . They were help less , t i resome , u tte rly i neffic ien t .I n a l l the i r l ives they had never done anyth i ngv igorous or memorab le . They were doomed to goou t before he r ch i l dren ; when they were gone theywou ld be gone al togethe r . Nei ther Aunt ie Lou ie

,

nor Au nt i e Emmy,nor Aun t i e Ed ie wou ld leave any

mark or s ign of hersel f . But her ch i ldren gave themt i t l es by wh ich they wou ld be remembered afte r theywere gone . I t was as i f she had bestowed on thema l i t t l e of he r own endu r i ng l i fe .

I t was absu rd and pathet i c that they shou ld th i nktha t they were the Fam i ly .

Bu t however sorry she was fo r them she cou ld nota l low them to d ictate to he r i n matters that conce rnedher and Anthony alone . I f they we re so worr iedabou t the scandal , why hadn

’ t they the sense to see

that the on ly way to meet i t was to give i t the l i eby tak i ng Ronny , by behav i ng as i f Ronny were

Peace 87

u nquest ionab ly Bart ie ’s daughte r and the i r n iece ?They we re bound to do i t

,i f not for Vera ’s sake , fo r

the dear l i t t le g i rl ’s sake . And that was what Verahad been th i n k i ng of that was why she had t rustedthem .

But her th ree s i ste rs had always d i s l i ked Vera .

They d is l i ked her because , wh i le they wen t un

marr ied,Vera

,not con ten t w i th the one man who was

her j ust and legal port ion , had taken anothe r manwhom she had no r ight to . And Aunt i e Emmel i nehad been i n love w i th Ferd ie .

St i l l,there was a ce rta i n dreadfu l t ru th i n the i r

reproaches ; and i t stung . Frances said to he rsel fthat she had not been w ise . She had done a r i skyth i ng i n tak i ng Ron ny . I t was not fa i r to he rch i ld ren

,to M ichae l and N icholas and John . She

was afra id . She had been afra id when Vera hadtal ked to her abou t N icky and Veron i ca ; and whenshe had seen Ve ron ica and N icky p lay i ng togetheri n the app le- t ree house ; and when she had heardRon ny ’s vo ice ou ts ide the school room door c ry i ng ,“Where ’ s N icky ? I wan t h im . Wi l l

‘

be be verylong?

”

uppos ing Veron i ca shou ld go on want i ng N icky ,and suppos i ng N ickyFrances was so worr ied that , when Dorothy came

str i d i ng across the lawn to ask her what the mat te rwas , and what on earth Gran n ie and the Au n t ies hadbeen gass i ng abou t al l that t ime , she to ld her .Dorothy was n i neteen . And Dorothy at n i ne

teen , tal l and up r ight , was Anthony’s daughter . Her

face and he r whole body had changed ; they wereAnthony ’s face and body made fem in i ne . He r l i t t lest ra ight nose had now

‘

a short h igh b r idge ; herb rown eyes were keen and alert ; she had h is hawk ’ slook . She pu t he r arm i n Frances ’

s , protect i ng he r ,and they walked up and down the terrace path

,d is

cuss i ng i t . I n the d i stance Gran n ie and the Aunt iescou ld be seen cl imb ing the s lope of the Heath to


Judges ’ Walk . They were not, Dorothy protested ,pathet i c ; they were s imply beast ly . She hated themfor worry i ng her mother .

“ They th i nk I oughtn ’ t to have taken Ronny .

They th i nk Nicky’

ll wan t to marry her .”

“ Bu t Ronny ’ s a k idWhen she ’s not a k id .

He won ’ t,Mummy ducky , he won

’ t . She ’ l l bea k id for ages . N icky

’

ll have marr i ed somebody e lsebefore she ’s got he r ha i r up .

”

“ Then Ronny’

ll fa l l i n love w i th him , and get he rl i tt le heart b roken .

“ She won ’ t,Mummy , she won

’ t . They on ly tal kl i ke that because they th i nk Fe rd ie ’ s Ronny ’s fathe r .

“ DorothyFrances

,i n horror

,re leased he rse l f from that p ro

tecting arm . The horror came , not from the fact , bu tf rom her daughte r ’s knowledge o f i t .

“ Poor Mummy , d idn’ t you know ? That

’s whyBart i e hates her .”

“ I t i sn ’ t t rue .~

What ’s the good of that as long as Bart ie th i nksi t is ? sa id Dorothy .

London B ridge is broken down(R ide over, my Lady Leigh")1 n

Veron ica was in the draw i ng-room,s i ng i ng

London B r idge .

M ichael,i n a l l the beau ty of h is adolescence

,l ay

st retched ou t on the sofa , watch ing he r . Her smal l ,exqu i s i te , ch i l d i sh face between the pla i ts o f honeycolou red ha i r , her smal l , ch i ld ish face th r i l led h imw ith a s i ngu la r del igh t and sadness . She was so

you ng and so smal l , and at the same t ime so perfectthat M ichael cou ld th i nk of her as look i ng l i ke thatfor eve r , not grow ing up i n to a t i resome , bounc i ng ,flu ffy flapper l i ke Rosal i nd Jerv is .



because her fathe r had come i n to i t , and ou t ofanothe r because her mother wan ted to be a lone i n i tw i th Ferd ie . And nobody , except Ferd ie somet imes ,when they le t h im , eve r wan ted to be alone i n anyroom w i th her . She was so t i red of the rooms whereshe was ob l iged to be a lways alone w i th herse l f orw i th the servants , though the se rvan ts were a lwaysk i nd .

Now , i n Uncle Anthony’s house , there was always

peace and qu i etness and an immense secu r i ty . Sheknew that

,hav i ng taken her

,they wou ldn ’ t g ive her

up .

She was utte r ly happy .

And the house,wi th i t s long , wai nscoted rooms ,

i t s wh i teness and darkness , w ith its gay , c lean , sh i ni ng ch i n tzes , the d e l icate , faded rose stu ff s , the deepb l ue and pu rp le and green stu ffs , an d the b lue andwh i te of the old ch i na , and i ts fu rn i tu re of cu r iouswoods , the golden , the golden-b rown , the b lack andthe w i ne-colou red , bought by An thony i n manycoun tr i es , the round concave m i rrors , the p ictu res andthe old b ronzes , al l the th i ngs that he had gatheredtogethe r and la id up as t reasu re for h i s sons ; andthe garden on the p romontory , w i th i ts bu t tressedwal l s and its green lawn , i ts flower borders

,and i ts

t ree of Heaven , satu rated w i th memori es , becamefor he r , as they had become for Frances , the sanctuary (crowd ed w i th v i s ib le and ta ng ib le symbols)of the Happ i ness she adored .

“ S i ng i t aga i n,Ronny .

”

She sang i t aga i n .

London B ridge i s broken down

I t was fu nny of M ichae l to l i ke the s i l ly , ch i ld i shsong ; bu t i f he wanted i t he shou ld have i t . Veron icawou ld have g iven any of them anyth i ng they wanted .

There was noth i ng that she had ever wan ted that theyhad not g iven to he r .She had wanted to be st rong , to be abl e to ru n

Peace 9 1

and r ide,to p lay tenn i s and cr icket and hockey , and

N icky had shown her how . She had wan ted books ofher own

,and Aun t ie Frances , and Uncle Anthony

and Dorothy and M ichae l had g iven her books , andN icky had made her a bookcase . Her room (i t wasal l he r own)was fu l l of t reasu res . She had wan tedto lea rn to s i ng and play p roperly , and UncleAnthony had given he r maste rs . She had wan tedpeople to love her mus ic , and they loved i t . She hadwanted a b i g , grown-up s i ste r l i ke Dorothy , and theyhad given her Dorothy ; and she had wanted a l i t t leb rother of he r own age , and th

fyhad g iven her John .

‘

Joh n had a look of N icky . i s golden wh i te ha i rwas l i ght b rown now ; h is fine , wide mouth hadN icky ’s impudence , even when , l i ke Frances , he kepti t shu t to sm i le he r u nw i l l i ng , tw i tch i ng , mock i ngsm i le . She had wanted a fathe r and mother l i keFrances and Anthony ; and they had g iven her themselves .And she had wan ted to l ive i n the same house w i th

N icky a lways .So i f M ichael wan ted he r to s i ng London

B ridge ” to h im twen ty t imes ove r, she wou ld s i ng

i t , prov ided N icky d idn’ t ask her to do anyth ing e lse

at the same t ime . For She wan ted to do most forN icky

,always .

And yet she was aware of someth i ng el se tha t wasnot happ i ness . I t was not a th i ng you cou ld nameor understand , o r se i ze , or see ; you were s imp lyaware of i t , as you were aware of ghosts i n you r roomat n ight . L ike the ghosts, i t was not a lways there ;bu t when i t was there you knew .

I t fe l t somet imes as i f Au nt i e Frances was afra idof her ; as i f she , Veron ica , was a ghost .And Veron ica sa id to herse l f

,

“ She i s a fra id Iam not good . She th i nks I ’ l l worry her . But IShan

’

t'”


That was before the hol idays . Now that theyhad come and N icky was back ,

“ i t ” seemed to he rsometh i ng to do w i th N icky ; and Veron ica sa id tohersel f

,

“ She ’s afra id I ’ l l get i n h i s way and worryh im

,because he ’ s o lde r . Bu t I shan ’ t .”

As i f she had not been taught and t ra i ned not toget i n older peop le ’s ways and worry them And asi f she wasn ’ t grow ing olde r every m i nu te herse l f"

B u i l d i t up wi th gol d so hue

(R ide over, my Lady Leigh")

B u i l d i t up w i th stone so strong

She had her back to the door and to the m i rro rthat reflected i t , yet she knew that N icky had comeIn

That ’s the song you used to s i ng at bed-t imewhen you were fr igh tened ,

” he sa id .

She was s i tt i ng now i n the O l d hen-house that wasN icky ’ s workshop

,watch i ng h im as he tu rned square

bars of b rass i n to rou nd bars w i th h i s lathe . She hadp lates of stee l to pol ish , and p ieces of wood to rubsmooth w i th glass-paper . There were sheets of b rassand coppe r , and bars and l umps of stee l , and greatpoles and planks of t imber reared up round the wal l sof the workshop . The meta l fi l i ngs fe l l from N icky ’slathe i n to sawdust that smel t de l i c iou sly .

The workshop was n ice r than the old app le-t reehouse , because there we re always lots of th i ngs to doi n i t for N icky .

N icky ,”

she sa id sudden ly , do you bel ieve i nghosts ?

“Wel l N icky caught h i s bar as i t fe l l fromthe lathe and exam i ned i t c r i t i cal ly .

You remember when I was afra id of ghosts , and




The fi rst to appear was a tal l , handsome , badtempered - look i ng g i rl . She spoke fi rst .I t ’ s a damned shame of them to keep u s wa i t i ng

l i ke th is .”

She propped hersel f up aga i nst Anthony ’ swal l and smou ldered the re i n he r dark

,su l len

beau ty .

“We were here at s ix sharp .

“When they know we were told not to let on wherewe meet .”

“We ’ re led i n to a t rap , sa id a grey-ha i redwoman .

“ I say , who i s Dorothea Harr i son ?She ’s the g i r l who roped Rosal i nd i n . She ’s al l

Yes,but are he r peop le a l l r igh t ?

Rosal i nd knows them .

”

The grey-ha i red woman spoke aga i n .

We l l , i f you th i n k th i s lane i s a good place fora secret meetin I don ’ t . Are you aware that theyard of

‘Jack traw’

s Cast le ’ i s beh i nd that wal l ?What ’s to preven t them br i ng i ng up five or s ix

Coppers and p lan t i ng them there ? Why , they’ve

on ly got to post one’ tec a t the top of the lane , and

anothe r at the bottom , and we’ re done . Trapped .

I ca l l i t rotten .

“ I t ’s a l l r i h t . Here they are .

Dorothea Ti arrison and Rosa l i nd Jerv i s camedown the lane at a le i sured str id e

,the i r long coats

b uttoned up to the i r ch i n s and the i r hands i n the i rpockets . The i r gestu res were d evoi d of secrecy orany gu i l e . Each had a joyous a i r of be i ng i n command , of be i ng ab le to hold up the whole adven tu reat he r w i l l

,or let i t r ip .

Rosal i nd Jerv i s was no longer a bounc i ng , flu ffyflapper . I n three years she had shot up i n to thestatu re of command . She slouched , S toop i ng a l i tt l efrom the shou lde rs

,and carr ied he r p i nk face th rust

fo rwa rd , as i f l ean i ng f rom a p latform to address an

The Vortex 99

aud ience . From th i s sa l i en ce her smal l fch in re

t reated de l icate ly i n to her p i n k th roat .“ I s M iss Maud B lackadder he re ? she sa id ,

marshal l i ng he r s ix .

The hand some g i r l detached herse l f s lowly fromAnthony ’ s wal l .

“What ’s the po i n t,

she sa id , of keep ing ushanging about l i ke th is

“ Ti l l a ll ou r faces are known to the pol i ceThere ’s a j ohnn i e gone i n there who can swea r

to m e. Why d idn ’

t you two tu rn up be fore ? ” sa i dthe handsome g i r l .

“ Because ,” sa id Dorothea

,that j ohn n ie was my

father . He was pound i ng on i n f ron t of u s al l upEast Heath Road . I f we ’

d got here sooner I Shou ldhave had to i n t rod uce you .

She looked at the s ix benevolen t ly , i ndu lgent ly .

They m igh t have bee n ch i ldren whose behav iou ramused he r . I t was as i f she had sa id , I -avoidedthat i n t roduct ion

,not because i t wou ld have been

dangerous and i nd i screet bu t because i t wou ld havespo i led you r fu n for you .

She led the way i n to the garden and the houseand th rough the hal l i n to the school room . Therethey found e leven young gi r l s who had come muchtoo soon

,and

,m istak i ng the arrangements , had rung

the be l l and al lowed themse lves to be shown i n .

The school room had been t ransformed i n to a sortof meet i ng hal l . The b ig ob long tab le had beendrawn across one end of i t . Beh i nd i t were chai rs fo rthe speake rs

,before i t were th ree rows of cha i rs where

the eleven you ng girl s sat scatte red,expectan t .

The s ix stood i n the free space i n fron t of thetab le and looked at Rosal i nd w i th s ign ificance .

“Th is ,” sa id Riosa l ind ,

“ i s ou r hdstess , M issDorothea Harr i son . Dorothy

,I th i nk you ’ve met

M rs . Eden , ou r Treasu rer . Th is is ou r Secretary ,M iss Valen t i na G i lch r i st ; M iss Ethel Farmer ; M i ssWin i fred B u rsta l l


Dorothy greeted i n tu rn M rs . Eden,a p ret ty ,

gen t le woman wi th a face of dream i ng t ragedy (i twas she who had d efended Rosa l i nd ou ts ide the gate);M iss Valen t i na G i lch r i st

,a m iddle-aged woman who

d isp layed a la rge,grey pompadou r above a rosy face

w i th tu rned-back featu res wh ich , when she was not

exc i ted , had an i ncredu lous , qu izz i ca l express i on

(M iss G i lch r i st was the one who had sa id they hadbeen led i nto a trap); M iss Ethe l Farmer , fa i r , a t

tenuated , scholast ic , wear i ng p i nce-nez w i th an a i rof not see i ng you ; and M i ss Wi n i fred Bu rstal l ,weathe r-beaten

,you ng a t fi fty , wear i ng p i nce-nez w i th

an a i r of see i ng st ra igh t th rough you to the othe rs ide .

Rosa l i nd wen t on . M iss Maud B lackadderM iss B lackadder’

s cu rt bow accused Rosal i nd of

wast i ng t ime i n mean i ngless formal i t i es .

“ M iss Rosal i nd was at a loss .The othe r gi r l

,the youngest of the e ight

,came

forward,hold i n g out a slende r

,sal low-wh i te hand .

She was the one who had hung w i th M i ss Blackadderi n the background .

Desmond,

”she sa id . Phyl l i s Desmond .

She sh rugged her p retty shou lders and sm i ledsl ight ly , as much as to say , She forgets what Sheought to remember , bu t i t doesn

’ t matte r . ”

Phy l l i s Desmond was beau t i fu l . But for themoment her beau ty was asl eep , st i l led i n to hardness . Dorothy saw a long

,slender

,sal low-wh ite

face,between sl eek bands of b lack ha i r ; b lack

eyes,d u l led as i f by a subt le fi lm , l i ke breath on

a b lack look i ng-glass ; a beau t i fu l s le nder mouth ,pressed t i gh t

,hold i ng back the secret of i t s sensual

charm .

Dorothy thought she had seen her before , but shecou ld n ’ t remembe r where .Rosal i nd Jerv is looked at her watch w ith a busi

ness-l i ke a i r ; paper and penc i l s were p roduced ; coatswere thrown on the l i t t le school-d esks and benches



To oppose the Governmen t that refusesu s the vote , whateve r Governmen t i t may be ,regard less of party , by every means in our

power.

”

Rosa l i n d ’s sen tences were punctuated by a rhyth

m ic sound of itapp ing . M iss Maud B lackadd er,tw i sted s ideways on the cha i r she had pushedfarthe r and farther back from the tab le , so as tobr i ng he rse l f completely out of l i n e w i th the otherseven

,from t ime to t ime , rhythm ical ly , tw i tch i ng

w i th impat i ence,st ruck he r own leg w i th her own

walk i ng-st ick .

Rosal i nd perorated . I f we d i ffer , we d i ffer , notas to ou r end , bu t so le ly a s to the means we

,per

sonally and i nd iv i dual ly , are prepared to emp loy .

”

She looked rou nd .

“ Agreed ?“ Not agreed , sa i d Dorothy and M iss Bu rsta l l

and M iss Farmer a l l at once .

I w i l l now ca l l on M iss Maud Blackadder tospeak . She w i l l exp la i n to those of you who a re

strangers ”

(she glanced comprehens ive ly at thee leven young gi r l s)

“ the presen t programme of theUn ion .

“ I p rotest , sa id M iss Burstal l . There has beenconfus i on .

”

There rea l ly has , Rosa l i nd , sa id Dorothy .

You must ge t i t st ra igh t . You can ’ t start al l a ts i xes and sevens . I p rotest too .

”

“We al l th ree protest ,” sa id M iss Farmer , frown

i ng and b l i nk i ng i n an agony of p rotest .“ S i lence , i f you p lease , for the Chai rwoman ,

sa id M iss G i lch r ist .May we not say one wordYou may ,

” sa id Rosal i nd , i n you r tu rn . Inow cal l on M i ss B lackadder to speak .

At the sound of her own name M iss B lackadderj umped to her feet . The walk i ng-st i ck fe l l to thefloor w i th a l igh t c latte r and crash

,pre l ud i ng her

storm . She j erked ou t her words at a headlong pace ,

The Vortex 1 03

as i f to make up for the t ime the others had wastedi n fu t i l i t i es .

“ I am not go i ng to say much , I am not go i ng totake up you r t ime . Too much t ime has been losta l ready . I am not a speaker , I am not a wr i te r , Iam not an i n te l lectual woman

,and i f you ask me what

I am and what I am here for , and what I am doing inthe Un ion , and what the Un ion i s do i ng for me , andwhat poss ib le use I

,an un t ra i ned g i r l , can be to you

c lever women ”

(she looked tempestuously at M issBurstal l and M iss Farmer who did not fl i nch), I w i l lte l l you . I am a fighte r . I am here to en l i st voluntee rs . I am the rec ru i t i ng sergean t for th i s d i str i c t .That i s the use my leaders

,who shou ld be your

l eade rs , a re mak in g of m e .

”

Her head was th rown back , he r body swayed ,rocked from s id e to s i de w i th the v io len t rhythm ofher speech .

I f you ask me why they have chosen me, I w i l ltel l you . I t ’s because I know what I wan t and because I know how to get what I wan t .

“ I know what I wan t . Oh,yes , you th i n k that

’snoth i ng ; you al l th i n k you know what you wan t .But do you Do you ?Of cou rse we do"We wan t the voteNoth i ng but the voteNothing bu t? Are you qu i te su re of that ? Can

you even say you wan t i t t i l l you know whethe rthere are th i ngs you wan t more ?

“What are you dr iv i ng -a t ?”

You ’ l l soon see what I ’m d r iv i n g at . I d r i vest ra i ght . And I r ide st ra ight . And I don ’ t fu nkmy fences .Wel l—say you al l wan t the vote . Do you

know how much you want i t ? Do you know howmuch you wan t to pay for i t ? Do you know whatyou ’ re p repared to give up for i t Because

,i f you don ’ t

know that, you don’ t k now how much you wan t it .

”


We wan t i t as much as you do,I imagi ne .

You wan t i t as much as I do ? Good . Then

you ’ re go i ng to pay the pr i ce whatever the p r ice i s .Then you ’ re ready to give up everyth i ng e lse , you rhomes and you r fam i l i es and you r fr iend s and you ri ncomes . Unt i l you ’ re en franch i sed you are not

goi ng to own any man as fathe r , or brothe r , o rhusband ”

(her vo ice rang w i th a deeper and strongerv i b rat ion), or lover , or fr i end . And the man whodoes not agree w i th you ,

the man who refuses youthe vote

,the man who opposes you r efforts to ge t

the vote,the man who , whethe r he agrees w i th you

or not, wi ll not help you to get i t, you coun t as you renemy . That i s want i n g the vote . That i s want i ngi t as much as I do .

“ You women— are you prepared to go aga i nstyou r men To g ive up you r men ?There were cries of “ Rather"” f rom two of the

e l even young gi r l s who had come too soon .

M iss B urstal l shook her head and murmured ,Hopeless con fu s ion of though t . I f this i s wha ti t ’ s go ing to be l i ke , heaven he lp u s"

“ You real ly are ge t t i ng a b i t m ixed , sa idDorothy .

“We protestP rotest then ; protes t as much as you l i ke . Then

we shal l k now where we are ; then we sha l l get th i ngsst ra i ght ; t hen we can beg i n . You al l wan t the vote .

Some of you don ’ t know how much , bu t at least youknow you want i t . Nobody ’s con fused abou t that .Do you know how you

’ re go i ng to get i t ? Tel lme that .Lest they shou ld spo i l i t a l l by tel l i ng her

,M iss

Blackadd er i n c reased her tvehement pace . Youdon ’ t because you can

’ t , and I wi l l te l l you . Youwon ’ t get i t by tal k i ng abou t i t or by wr i t i ng abou ti t , or by s i tt i ng d own and th i nk i ng about i t ; you

’ l lget i t by com ing i n w i th me , com ing i n w i th theWomen ’s Franch i se Un ion , and fight i ng for i t .



coun t i ng the cost ; bu t she has sa i d noth i ng to conv i nce us that when ou r accou n t a t ou r bank is ove rdrawn

,and we have declared war on a l l ou r male

fr i ends and re lat ions , and have left ou r comfortab lehomes

,and are a l l camp i ng ou t on the open Heath

I repeat, she has sa id noth i ng to conv i nce u s that

the p r ice we shal l have pa i d is go i ng to get u sthe th i ng we wan t .She says that fighte rs are wan ted , and not tal kers

and wr i te rs and th i nkers . Are we not then to figh tw i th our tongues and w i th ou r b ra i n s ? I s she

l eav i ng u s anythin bu t ou r bare fists ? She hastold us that she r i es stra ight and that she doesn ’ tfu nk her fences ; bu t she has not to ld u s what sort ofcount ry she i s go i ng to r id e over , nor whe re the fencesare , nor what Hel l-fo r-l eathe r and Neck-or-noth i ngmeans .

We wan t mean i ng ; we want c l earness and precis ion . We have not bee n g iven i t yet .

I wou ld let a l l th i s pass i f M iss B lackadder weren ot you r colou r-se rgean t . I s i t fa i r to ca l l for voluntee rs , fo r raw recru i ts , and not tel l them prec i sel yand clea rly what serv ices w i l l be requ i red of them ?How many (Dorothy glan ced a t the e l even)real i se that the leaders of you r Un ion , Mrs .Palmerston-Swete , and Mrs . Blathwa ite, and M issAngel a B lathwa ite, demand from i ts members b l i nd ,

u nquest ion i ng obed ienceMaud B lackadder j umped up .

I p rotest . I , too, have the r igh t to p rotest .M iss Harr i son ca l l s me to order . She te l l s me to bec lear and p rec ise . Wil l she be good enough to bec lea r and p rec ise herse l f ? Wil l she say whether shei s w i th u s o r aga inst u s ? I f she i s not w i th us she is,

aga i nst us . Let he r exp la i n he r pos i t ion .

She sat down ; and Rosa l i nd rose .

M iss Harr i son ,”

she sa i d ,“ wi l l expla i n her

pos i t i on to the Comm ittee later . Th is is an Openmeet i ng t i l l seven . I t is now five m i nu tes to . Wil l

The Vortex

any of you here - she held the e leven w i th he r eyeswho were not p resen t at the meet i ng i n the Town

Hal l last Monday,hold up you r hands ? No hands .

Then you must a l l be aware of the obj ect and thepol i cy and the ru les of the Women ’ s Franch i seUn ion . I ts members p ledge themselves to help ,as fa r as they can , the obj ect of the Un ion ; to support the dec i s ions of the i r l eaders ; to absta i n f rompub l i c and pr i vate cr i t i c i sm of those dec is ions and ofany words o r act ions of the i r leaders ; and to obeyorders—not b l i ndly or unquest ion i ngly , bu t w i th i nthe te rms of the i r u nde rtak i ngs .

Those of you who w ish to jo i n u s w i l l p leasewr i te you r names and addresses on the sl ips of wh i tepape r

,stat i ng what k i nd of work you are w i l l i ng to

do ,and the amoun t of you r subscr ip t ion , i f you sub

scr ibe,and hand you r S l ip s to the Secre tary at the

door , as you go ou t .”

M iss Bursta l l and M iss Farmer wen t ou t . M issB lackadder coun ted One—twoE ight of the eleven young g i r l s s igned and handed

i n the wh i te s l ips at the door , and wen t ou t .Three—fou rM iss B lackadder reckoned that Dorothea Harr i

son ’ s speech had cost her five recru i ts . Her own

fight i ng speech had carr ied the e leven i n a compactbody to her

'

s ide Dorothea ’s speech had d iv i ded andscattered them aga i n .

M iss B lackadder hurl ed her pe rsonal i ty at theheads of aud iences i n the certa i n ty that it wou ldh i t them hard . That was what she was there fo r .She knew that the Women ’s Franch ise Un ion re l i edon her to wr i ng from hersel f the u tmost spectacu la reff ect . And she did i t every t ime . She never oncem issed fi re . And Dorothea Harr i son had come downon the top of her t r i umph and dest royed the eff ectof a l l he r fi re . She had corrup ted five recru i ts .And supposi ng there was a secre t p rogramme shehad betrayed the women of the Un ion to fou rteen


outs iders , by g iv i ng i t away . Treachery o r not reachery

,Dorothea Harr i son wou ld have to pay

for i t .

Everybody had gone excep t the members of theComm i ttee and Phyl l i s Desmond , who wai ted for he rfr i end

,Maud B lackadder.

Dorothy remembered Phyl l i s Desmond now ; she

was that art-studen t g i r l that Vera knew . She hadseen her a t Vera ’s house .

They had drawn rou nd the tab le aga i n . M issB lackadder and M iss G i lch r i st con ferred i n wh ispers .

Before we go,

” sa id Rosal i nd ,“ I p ropose that

we ask M iss Dorothea Harr i son to be ou r V icePres iden t . ”

M iss G i lch r i st nodded to M iss B lackadder, whorose . I t was he r momen t .

And I propose ,”

she sa id , that before we inv i te M iss Harr i son to be anyth i ng , we ask her todefine her pos i t ion—cl ear ly and prec ise ly .

”

She made a s ign , and the Secreta ry was on herfeet .

And fi rs t we must ask M iss Harr i son to exp la inhow she became possessed of the secret pol i cy o f theUn ion wh ich has never been d iscu ssed at an openmeet i ng and is u nknown to members of the Ge ne ralComm i ttee .

“ Then , sa id Dorothy , there is a sec re tpol i cy

You seem to know i t . We have the r igh t to askhow you know . Un less you i nven ted i t .”

Dorothy faced them . I t was i nconce ivab le thati t shou ld have happened , that She shou ld be stand i ngthe re , i n the old school room o f her fathe r ’s house ,wh i le two strange women worr ied her. She knewtha t her back was to the wal l and that the B lackaddergi rl had been on the watch for the last hal f-hou r toget her kn ife i n to her . (Odd , for she had admired the


1 1 0 The Tree of Heaven

That was Dorothy ’s fau l t . I t was she who hadpushed and pu l led the slacker , i n sp i te of her almostwh i n i ng protest

, to the edge o f the Vortex ; and i twas Rosal i nd

,not Dorothy , who had been caugh t

and sucked down i n to the sw i r l . She wh i rled i n i tnow,

and wou ld go on wh i rl i ng , under the impress i on that he r movements made i t move .

The Vortex fasc i nated Dorothy even wh i l e She

res i sted i t . She l i ked the fee l i ng o f he r own powerto res i st , to keep her head , to beat up aga i nst therush of the wh i rlw i nd , to whee l round and rou nd outs ide it, and swerve away before the th i ng got he r .For Dorothy was afra id of the Fem in i st Vortex ,

as her b rother M ichael had been a f ra id of the l i t t l evortex of school . She was afra i d of the herdedwomen . She d isl i ked the exc i ted faces , and the h ighvo ices sk i r l i ng the i r batt l e-cr ies

,and the s i l ly bus i ness

o f comm ittees , and the p latform slang . She was s ickand Shy before the t remor and the su rge of col lect ivefeel i ng ; She loathed the gestu res and the movemen tsof the col lect i ve sou l , the sway i ng and heav i ng andrush i ng forward of the many a s one . She wou ld notbe ca rr i ed away by i t ; she wou ld keep the c learnessand hard ness of he r sou l . I t was her sou l theywanted , these women . of the Un ion , the B lathwa itesand the Palmerston-Swetes , and Rosal i nd , and theB lackadder g i rl and the G i l ch r i st woman ; they ranout afte r he r l i ke a hungry pack yel p i ng for her sou land she was not go i ng to th row i t to them . Shewou l d fight fo r freedom , bu t not i n the i r way and not

at the i r b idd i ng .

She was he r b rothe r M ichael,refus i ng to go to the

party ; refu s i ng to ru n w i th the school herd ; hold i ngout fo r h i s p r ivate sou l aga i n st othe r peopl e whokept h im from remember i ng . On ly M ichael d id nothold out . He ran away . She wou ld stay on theedge of the Vortex

,fasc i nated by i ts danger

,and

res i st i ng .

But as She looked at them,at Rosal i nd w ith her

The Vortex I I I

open mou th,at the Blackadder gi rl who was scowl i ng

horr ib ly,and at Valen t i na G i lch r i st , scept1ca l and

qu izz i ca l, she laughed . The th ree had been trymg

to rush he r,and because they cou ldn ’ t rush he r they

were quest ion i ng he r honou r . She had asked thempla i n ly for a pla i n mean i ng , and the i r idea o f aptrepartee was to pretend to quest ion her honou r .Perhaps they rea l ly d id quest ion i t . She d idn ’

t

care . She loathed the i r exc i ted , s i l ly , hu rry i ng sus

p icion ; bu t she d idn’ t care . I t was she who had

drawn them and led them on to th is d isp lay of incomparab le id iocy . Like he r b rother N icholas she fou ndthat adve rs i ty was ext remely fu n ny ; and she laughed .

She was no longe r M ichae l ; she was N icky , not

car i ng , del igh t i ng i n he r power to fool them .

You th i nk , she sa id , I ’d no bus i ness to find

You r knowledge would ce rta i n ly have beenmyste r ious , sa id the Secretary ;

“ un less a t leasttwo confid ences had been bet rayed . Supposi ng therehad been any secre t pol i cy .

”

Wel l , you see , I don’ t k now i t ; and I d idn

’ ti nven t i t ; and I d idn

’ t find i t ou t—p rec i se ly . You rsecret pol i cy i s the logica l conc lu s ion of you r p resen tpol icy . I deduced i t ; that

’s al l . Anybody cou ldhave d one the same . Does that sat i sfy you ? (Theywon ’ t love me any bet te r fo r mak i ng them lookfool s

“ Thank you , sa id M iss G i lch r i st . We onlywanted to be su re .

The d i nne r-bel l rang as Dorothy was defin i ng he rposmon .

“ I ’ l l work for yo u ; I’ l l speak for you ; I

’ l l wr i tefor you ; I

’ l l fight for you . I ’ l l make hay of everyGovernmen t meet i ng , i f I can get i n w i thou t ly i ngand sneak i ng for i t . I ’ l l go to p ri son fo r you

,i f I

can choose my own cr ime . But I won ’ t g ive up myl iberty of speech and though t and act ion . I won ’ tpledge mysel f to obey you r o rders . I won ’ t p ledge


myse lf not to cr i t i c ise pol icy I d isapprove of . I won ’tcome on you r Comm i ttee , and I won

’ t j o i n you rUn ion . I s that c lear and prec i se enough ? ”

Somebody clapped and somebody sa id , Hear ,hear"And somebody sa id , Go i t , Dorothy"I t was An thony and Frances and Capta i n Dray

ton , who paused outs ide the door on the i r way to

the d i n i ng-room , and l i stened , basely

They were al l go i ng now . Dorothy stood at thedoor

,hold i ng i t Open for them

,glad that i t was al l

over .Only Phyl l i s Desmond , the a rt-student , l i ngered .

Dorothy rem i nded her that they had met at he r au n tVera Harr i son ’s house .

The art-studen t sm i led I wondered when youwere go i ng to remember .

I d id,bu t they al l ca l l ed you Desmond . That ’ s

what pu t me out .

”

Everybody cal l s me Desmond . You had abrother or someth i ng w i th you , hadn

’ t you ?I m igh t have had two . Which ? M ichae l ’s got

green ey es and yel low ha i r . N icky ’s got bl ue eyesand b lack ha i r .

I t was N icky— n ice name— then .

Desmond ’s beau ty st i rred i n i ts s leep . The fi lmof a i r was l i fted from her b lack eyes .

“ I ’m d i n i ng w i th M rs . Harr i son to-n ight, she

You ’ l l be late then .

I t doesn ’ t matter . Lawrence Stephen ’s neve rthere t i l l afte r e igh t . S he won

’

t dine wi thou thim .

”

Dorothy st i ffened . She d id not l i ke that fu rt i vebet rayal of Vera and Lawrence S tephen .

“ I w i sh you ’d come and see me at my rooms i nChel sea . And b r ing you r b rother . Not the greenand ye l low one . The b lue and b lack one .



come between he r and Majo r Cameron ; Frances hadencou raged Vera i n her i n famous i n t r igue ; and between them they had wrecked two l ives . And theyhad k i l led Major Cameron .

S i nce Fe rd ie ’s death Emmel i ne F lem ing had l i vedmost of the t ime i n a sort of d ream i n wh ich i t seemedto he r that these th i ngs had real ly happened .

Th i s afternoon she had been more than usual lyt i resome . She had s imp ly raved .

“You shou ld have b rough t her round to the

meet i ng ,

” sa id Dorothy,

“ and le t her rave there .

I’

d back Aunt Emmel i ne aga i n st Maud B lackadder.

I w i sh,Rosal i nd

,you ’d l ea ve off mak i ng faces and

k ick i ng m

dy Sh i n s . You needn

’ t worry any more ,Mummy ucky . I ’m goi ng to rope them al l i ntothe Suff rage Movement . Aunt Ed i e can d i st r ibu tel i teratu re , Aun t Lou ie can i n terrupt l i ke anyth i ng ,a nd Aun t Emmel i ne can shou t and s i ng .

”

I th i nk,Dorothy , sa i d Rosal i n d w ith weak

b i t te rness,

“ that you m ight have stuck by me .The two were wal k i ng d own East Heath R oad

to the tram l i nes where the motor-buses started forChar i ng Cross .

“ I t was you who d ragged me i nto i t , and theleast you cou ld do was to st ick . Why d id n ’ t youkeep qu iet i n stead of forc i ng our hands ?I cou ld n ’ t keep qu iet . I ’ l l go w i th you st ra igh t

or I won ’ t go w ith you at a l l .You know what ’ s the matte r w i th you ? I t

’syou r fam i ly . You ’ l l never be any good to us

,you ’ l l

never be any good to you rse l f t i l l you ’ve chuckedthem and got away . For years—eve r s i nce you ’vebeen born—you ’ve S imp ly been stew i ng the re i n thefam i ly j u ice u n t i l you ’ re soaked w ith i t . You oughtn ’ tto be l iv i ng at home . You ought to be on you rown—l i ke me .

”

“ You ’ re ta l k i ng rot,Rosal i nd . I f my peop le

The Vortex 1 1 5

were l i ke you rs I ’

d have to chuck them , I suppose ;bu t they ’ re not . They ’ re angel s .That ’s why they ’ re so dange rous . They cou ldn ’ t

i nfluence you i f the we ren’ t angel s .”

“ They don ’ t inffhence me the least l i tt le b i t . I ’dl ike to see them try . They ’ re much too c lever . Theyknow I ’d be off l i ke a shot i f they d id . Why , theyle t me do every morta l th i ng I p lease— t u rn theschool room i nto a meet i n g hal l for you r fr i ends toplay the dev i l i n . That B lackadder gi rl was ye l l i n gthe house down

,yet they d i dn ’ t say anyth i ng . And

you r people a ren ’ t as bad as you make out, you

know . You cou ldn ’ t l ive on you r own i f you rfathe r d idn ’ t g ive you an al lowance . I l i ke M rs .

Je rv i s .“ Because she l i kes you .

Wel l , that’s a reason . I t i sn ’ t the reaso n why

I l i ke my own mother,because she doesn ’ t l i ke me

so very much . That ’ s why she lets me do what Il i ke . She doesn ’ t care enough to stop me . She on lyrea l ly cares for Dad and John and N icky andM ichael . ”

Rosal i nd looked fie rce and stubborn .

That ’ s what ’s the matte r w i th a l l of you , she

What i s ?Car i ng l ike that . I t ’s al l sex . Sex i nst i n ct ,

sex fee l i ng . Maud ’s r ight . I t ’s what we ’ re upaga i nst a l l the t ime .

Dorothy sa id t o he rse l f , That’ s what ’s the matte r

w i th Rosal i nd,i f she on ly knew i t . ”

Rosa l i n d loved M ichae l and M ichae l d etested her,and N icky d idn ’ t l i ke he r ve ry much . She alwaysl ooked fie rce and stubborn when she heard M ichae l ’sname .Rosa l i nd wen t on . When i t comes to sex you

don ’ t revol t . You s i t down .

”

“ I do revol t . I ’m revol t i ng now . I go muchfarther than you do . I th i nk the marr iage laws are


rotten ; I th i n k d ivorce ought to be for incompatib il ity . I th i nk love i sn ’ t love and can ’ t last un lessi t ’ s free . I th i nk marr iage ought to be abol ishednot yet

,perhaps

,bu t when we ’ve become c iv i l i sed .

I t w i l l be . I t’

s bound to be . As i t i s , I th i n k everywoman has a r ight to have a baby i f she wants one .

I f Emmel i ne had had a baby she wou ld n ’ t be devastating us now .

”

“ That ’s what you th i nk , but i t i sn’ t what

{you

fee l . I t ’ s al l th i nk i ng w i th you , Dorothy . herevol t goes on i n you r bra i n . You ’ l l never do anyth i ng . I t i sn ’ t that you haven ’ t the cou rage to goagai nst you r men . You haven ’ t the w i l l . Youdon ’ t want to .

”

“Why shou ld I ? What do they do ? Fatherand M i chael and N i cky don ’ t i n ter fere w i th me anymore than mother does .

“ You know I ’m not th i nk i ng of them . Theydon ’ t real ly matte r .”

“Who are you th i nk i ng of,then ? Frank

Drayton ? You need n ’ t"”I t was mean of Rosa l i nd to h i t be low the bel t

l i ke that,when she knew that she was safe . M ichae l

had neve r been b rough t agai nst her and never wou ldbe . I t was d i sgust i ng of he r to imp ly that Dorothy ’ sstate of m ind was palpab le

,when her own (though

su ffic ien t ly ad vert ised by her behav iou r)had rece ivedfrom M ichae l ’ s s i ste r the consecrat i on of s i lence asa secre t

,t ragi c th i ng .

They had reached the t ram l i nes .At the s i ght of the Char i ng Cross ’bus Rosal i nd

assumed an a i r o f rol l i ck i ng , adven tu rou s t ravel .“ My hat"What an even i ng"I shal l have a

r ipp i ng r ide down . Don ’ t say there’s no room on

the top . Cheer up,Dorothy"”

Which showed that Rosal i nd Jerv i s was a freewoman , suggested that l i fe had r i che r th r i l l s thanmarry i ng Dorothy ’s brother M i chael

, and fixed thedetested imputat i on secu re ly on her fr i end .


U P t i l l now Frances had taken a qu iet i n terest i nWomen ’ s Su ff rage . I t had got i tse l f i n to the papersand thus become part of the aff a i rs of the nat ion . Thenames of Mrs . Palmerston-Swete and M rs . B lathwa i te and Ange la B lathwa ite had got i n to the pape rs ,where Frances hoped and p rayed that the name ofDorothea Harr i son m ight not fol low them . Thespectac le of a fran t i c Governmen t at gr ips w i th theWomen ’s Franch i se Un ion had not yet rece ived theheadl i nes a ccorded to the reports of d ivorce a nd

b reach of p rom ise cases and fi res i n para ffi n shops ;st i l l , i t was begi n n i ng to figure

,and i f Frances ’

s

Times i gnored i t , there were othe r papers thatDorothy brough t home .

But for Frances the a ffa i rs of the nat i on sanki n to ins ign ificance bes ide N icky

’s Cambr idge affa i r .There cou ld be no doub t that N i cky ’ s affa i r was

se r i ou s . You cou ld not,Anthony sa id , get over the

le t ters—the Master ’ s let te r and the Professor ’s let te rand M ichae l ’s . They had arr ived one hou r afte rN icky , N icky so changed from h is former cand ou rthat he re fused to g ive any accoun t of h imse l f beyondthe s imp le statemen t that he had been sen t down .

The

K’

d know , he had sa id , soon enough why .

nd soon enough they d id know .

To be su re no deta i l s cou ld be d i sen tangled fromthe d i sc ree t amb igu i t i es of the Maste r and the Professor. Bu t M ichae l ’s le t te r was more expl ic i t .N icky had been sen t down because old “ Booste rhad got i t i n to h i s head that N icky had been mak i nglove to “ Booste r ’ s ” wi fe when she didn ’ t want to

1 18

The Vortex 1 1 9

be made love to , and noth i ng cou ld ge t i t out ofBooste r ’s ” head .

M ichae l was bou nd to stand up for h i s b rothe r,and i t was c lear to Anthony that so grave a char ecou ld hardly have been b rough t w i thou t some reason .

The tone of the letters , espec ia l ly the P rofessor ’s ,was extraord i nar i ly restra i ned . That was wha t madethe th ing stand ou t i n i ts sheer awfu l ness . The Professor, al though , accord i ng to M ichae l , be conce ivedh imsel f to be profou ndly inj ured , wrote sorrowfu l ly ,in cons iderat ion of Ni cky ’s you th .

There was one redeem ing ‘ C i rcumstance ; theMaster and the Professor both la i d st ress on i tAn thony ’s son had not attempted to deny i t .

“ There must ,” Frances sa i d w i ld ly

,be some

terr ible m istake .

”

But N icky cut the ground from unde r the theoryof the terr ib le m istake by cont i n u i ng i n h is refusa lto d eny i t .

“What sort of woman , sa id Anthony , i s theProfessor ’s wi fe ? ”

Oh , awfu l ly decen t , sa id N icky .

You had no encou ragemen t , then ; no provocat ion ? ”

“ She ’s awfu l ly fasc i nat i ng,sa id N i cky .

Then Frances had another thought . I t seemedto her that N i cky was evad i ng .

1

“

?

Are you su re you ’ re not screen i ng somebodye se

Screen i ng somebody e l se ? Do you mean someother fe l low“Yes . I

’

m not ask i n g you to g ive the name,

Nicky .

”

“

I swear I’

m not . Why shou ld I be ? I can ’ tth i nk why you

’

re a l l mak i ng such a fuss abou t i t.

I don’

t mean poor old ‘Booster . ’

He’

s got somecause , i f you l i ke .

”

“But what was i t you d id—rea lly d id ,

N ickyYou ’ve read the letters

,mother .


N icky ’s adolescence seemed to d ie and pass fromh im there and then

,and she saw a stubborn , hard

v i r i l i ty that fr igh tened and repe l led her , forc i ng herto bel ieve that i t m igh t have rea l ly happened .

To Frances the awfu l ness of i t was beyond bel i ef .And the pathos of her be l i ef i n N icky was unbearab le to Anthony . There were the let te rs .

“ I th i nk,d ear , Anthony sa id

,

“ you ’d be tte rleave us .

”

“ Mayn ’ t I stay ? I t was as i f she thought thatby stay i ng she cou ld b r i ng N icky

’s youth back tol i fe aga i n .

“ No,

” sa i d Anthony .

She wen t,and N i cky opened the door for her .

H is hard , t i ght , man’s face looked at her as i f i t had

been she who had s i n ned and he who su ffe red , into lerab ly

,for her s in . The c l i ck of the doo r as he

shut i t stabbed her .I t ’s a damnab le bus i ness

,fathe r . We ’d bette r

not ta l k about i t .”

But Anthony wou ld tal k about i t . And when hehad done tal k i ng , _ al l that N icky had to say wasYou know as we l l as I do that these th i ngshappen .

For N icky had thought i t ou t very carefu l ly beforehand i h the t ra i n . What e lse cou ld he say

?

He cou ldn ’ t te l l them that “ Booster ’ s ” poor l i tt lew i fe had lost he r head and made hyster ica l love toh im , and had been so fr igh tened at what she haddone that she had made h im prom ise on h i s word of

honou r that,whatever happened , he wou ldn

’ t g iveher away to anybody , not even to h i s own peop le .

He supposed that e i ther Peggy had giv en . herself

away , o r that poor old Booster ” had found he r ou t .He supposed that , hav i ng found her out, there wasno othe r l i ne that Booste r cou ld have taken . Anyhow , there was no othe r l i ne that he could take ;



chose to make . And even i f he had known thatshe had l i ed

,he cou ldn ’ t very wel l have gi ven it

aga i nst poo r p retty Peggy who had lost her head and

got fr i ghtened .

As N icky packed up h i s c lothes and h is bookshe sa id"“ I don ’ t care i f I am sen t down . I t wou ldhave bee n fi fty t imes worse for he r than i t i s for me .

He had no idea how bad i t was , nor how muchworse i t was goi ng to be . For i t end ed m h is go i ngthat n ight from h i s fathe r ’ s house to the house i nJohn ’ s Wood where Vera and M r . Lawrence

S tephen l ived .

And i t was there that he met Desmond .

N icky congratu lated h imsel f on hav i ng pu l led i toff so we l l . At the same t ime he was a l i t t l e su rp r i sed a t the ease w i th wh i ch he had taken h is fathe rand mother i n . He m ight have u nderstood i t i f hehad known that Vera had bee n before h im , and thatshe had warned them long ago that th is was precisely the sort of th i ng they wou ld have to look out

for. And as no op i n ion eve r u tte red on the subjectof the i r ch i l dren was l i kely to be forgotten by Francesand Anthony

,when th i s part i cu lar d i saste r came they

were more p repared for i t than they wou ld havebe l ieved poss ib le .But the re were two members of h is fam i ly whom

N icky had fa i l ed al togethe r to conv i nce— M ichaeland Dorothy . M ichae l l uck i ly , N icky sai d to h imse l f

,was not on the spot , and h i s let te r had no we ight

aga i nst the let te rs of the Maste r and the Professor ,and on th i s a l so N icky had cal cu lated . He reckonedw i thou t Dorothy

,j udgi ng i t hard ly l i ke ly that she

wou ld be a l lowed to know anyth i ng about i t . Nobody , not even Frances

,was ye t awa re of Dorothy ’ s

1mportance .

And Dorothy , because of her importance , b lamedhersel f for a l l that happened afte rwards . I f she had

The Vortex 1 23

not had that damned Su ffrage meet i ng Rosal i ndwou ld not have stayed to d i n ner ; i f Rosal i nd hadnot stayed to d i n ne r she wou ld not have gone w i thher to the t ram l i nes ; i f she had not gone w i th he rto the t ram l i nes she wou ld have been at home tostop N icky from goi ng to S t . John ’s Wood . As i twas

,N icky had reached the mai n road at the top of

the lane j ust as Dorothy was enter i ng i t from thebottom .

At fi rs t Frances d id not want Dorothy to see he rfathe r . He was most horr ib ly upset and must notbe d istu rbed . Bu t Dorothy i ns i sted . Her father hadthe let te rs , and she must see the let ters .

“ I may understand them bette r than you orDaddy ,

”she sa id . You see , Mummy , I know

these Camb ridge people . They ’ re awfu l asses,some

of them .

”

And though her mother doubted whethe ratte ndance a t the Professor ’s lec tu res wou ld g iveDorothy much i ns igh t i n to the a ff a i r , she had he rway . Anthony was too weak to. res i st he r . Hepushed the l et te rs towards her w i thou t a word . Hewou ld rathe r she had been left ou t of i t . And yetsomehow the s ight of he r , com i ng i n , so robust andu nd ismayed and competent, gave h im a sort ofcomfort .Dorothy d id not agree w i th M ichael . There was

more i n i t than the P rofessor ’s imag i nat ion . TheProfessor , she sa id , hadn

’ t got any imagi nat ion ; youcou ld tel l f rom the way he lectu red . Bu t she d id notbel i eve one word of the charge aga i n st he r b rothe r .Someth i ng had happened , and N icky was scree n ingsomebody .

I ’ l l be t you anyth i ng you l i ke,sa id Dorothy

,

i t’

s Booster ’s ’ wi fe . She ’s made h im g ive h i sword .

Dorothy was su re that Booster ’ s ’

bad lot .Nicky said she was awfu l ly decen t .

wi fe was a


He ’d hav e to . He cou ldn ’ t do i t by halves .

“ They cou ldn ’ t have sen t h im down , un lessthey d s i fted the th ing to the bottom .

I dare say they’ve s i fted a l l they cou ld

,the s i l ly

asses .

She cou ld have k i l led them for mak i ng he r fathe rsu ffe r . The s igh t of h i s d rawn face hu rt her abom inab ly . She had never seen h im l i ke that . Shewasn ’ t ha l f so sorry for her mothe r , who was sus

ta ined by a secret , i nerad icab le fa i th i n N icky .

Why cou ldn ’ t he have fa i th i n N icky too ? Wasi t because he was a man and knew that these th i ngshappened ?Daddy— be i ng sent down i sn ’ t such an awfu l

ca lam i ty . I t i s n ’ t go i ng to b last h i s caree r or anyth ing . I t

’

s always touch and go . I m igh t have beensen t down any day . I shou ld have been i f they ’dknown abou t me hal f what they don ’ t know abou tN icky . Why can ’ t you take i t as a rag ? You bethe does .

Anthony removed h imsel f from her p rotec t i nghand . He got up and went to bed .

But he d id not s leep there . Ne i ther he norFrances slept . And he came down i n the morn i ngl ook i ng worse than eve r .Dorothy thought ,

“ I t must be awfu l to havech i ld ren i f i t makes you feel l i ke that . She though t

,“ I t ’s a l ucky th i ng they ’ re not l i kely to cu t up thesame way abou t me . She thought aga i n

,I t mus t

be awfu l to have ch i l dren .

” She thought of the old

d iscuss ions i n he r room a t Newnham,abou t the

woman ’s r ight to the ch i ld,and free u n ion

,and easy

d ivorce , and the abol i t ion of the fam i ly . Her ownv i ol en t and revol u t ionary speeches (fo r wh ich she

l i ked to th i n k She m ight have been sen t down)sou nded fa i n t and fa r-off and i rre levan t . She d id notreal ly wan t to abol ish Frances and Anthony . Andyet , i f they had been abol i shed , as part of the dep lorable i n st i tu t ion of paren tage , i t wou ld

“ have been



m i nute . You know he hates i t . And suppos i ngBu t Dorothy refused to g ive any answer .H is w i re came w i th i n the next hal f-hou r

Com ing th ree Sharp .— FRAN K .

Her sense of wel l-be i ng i nc reased a lmost to exal tat ion .

He arr i ved w i th pu nctual i ty at th ree o ’c lock . (Hewas i n the gun ne rs and had a job at Woolw ich .) Shefou nd h im stand i ng on the hea rth rug i n the draw i ngroom . He had b lown h is nose when he heard he rcom i ng

,and that mean t that he was nervous . She

caugh t h im stu ffing h i s pocket-handkerch i ef (a p ieceof damn i ng ev idence) i n to h i s b reast-pocket .With he r knowledge of h i s nervousness he r exal ta

t ion ceased as i f i t had not been . At the s ight of h imi t was as i f the sentence h idden somewhere i n he rm i nd—“ You ’ l l have to choose . You know you ’ l lhave to —e scap i ng though t and language , had expressed i tsel f ln one su ffocat i ng pang . UnlessN icky ’s affa i r staved off the dreadfu l momen t .

Were you fr ightfu l ly busy ? ”

No , thank goodness .The l uck she had had 1 Of cou rse

,i f he had been

busy he cou ldn ’ t poss ib ly have come .

She cou ld look at h im now w ithou t a t igh ten i ngi n he r th roat . She l i ked to look at h im . He wasmade a l l of one p iece . She l i ked h i s square face andshort fi ne hai r , both the co lou r of l igh t-brown earth ;h is eyes , the co lou r of l igh t-b rown earth u nder c learwater ; eyes that l ooked smal l because they were setso deep . She l i ked the i r sudden narrow i n g and the i rdeep wr i nk les when he sm i led . She l i ked h i s j u tt i ngch i n , and the fine , rathe r smal l mou th that je rked h i sface sl igh t ly crooked when he laughed . She l i kedthat slender crookedness that made i t a face remark

The Vortex 1 27

ab le and u n ique among f aces . She l i ked h i s b ra i n s .She l i ked al l that she had eve r seen or heard of h im .

Vera had tol d them that once , a t a n ti p-country

stat ion i n I nd ia , he had stopped a mut i ny in a nat ivebatte ry by laugh i ng i n the men ’s faces . Somebodythat Ferd i e knew had been w ith h im and saw i thappen .

The men broke i n to h is office where he wass i tt i ng

,vu lnerab ly

,i n his sh i r t-sleeves . They had

brought kn ives w i th them,beast ly nat ive th ings , and

they had the i r hands on the handles,ready . They

sc reamed and gest i cu lated w i th exc i temen t . AndFrank Drayton leaned back i n h i s office cha i r a ndlooked at them

,and bu rst ou t laugh ing , because , he

sa id,they made such funny faces . When they got

to fingeri ng the i r kn ives , he t i l ted back h i s cha i r androcked wi th laughter . H is sudden , i ncredib l e m i rthfr igh tened them and stopped the mu t i ny . She cou ldsee h im

,she cou ld see h i s face je rked crooked w i th

de l ight .That was the sort of th i ng N icky wou ld have done

‘

.

S he loved h im for that . She l oved h im because hewas l i ke N icky .

She was not ab le to reca l l the p rocess of the statesthat flowered i n that mysterious sense of we l l-be ingand exal tat ion . A year ago Frank Drayton had beenon ly that n ice man we used to meet at Che l tenham .

”

Fi rst of a l l he had been Ferd ie ’s and Vera ’s f r i end .

Then he became N icky ’s fr i end ; the on ly one whotook a se r iou s i n te rest i n h is i nven t ion s and supportedh im when he wanted to go i n to the Army and consoled h im when he was frust rated . Then he had become the fr iend of the fam i ly . Now he was recogn ised as more\particu larly Dorothea

’s fr ie nd .

At Chel tenham he had been home on l eave ; andi t was not u n t i l th i s year that he had got h is job atWoolw ich teach i ng gunnery , wh i le he wa i ted for ab igge r job i n the Ordnance Department . Ferd ieCameron had always sa id that Frank Drayton wou ldbe worth watch i ng . He wou ld be part of the b ra i n s


of the Army some day . N icky watched h im . H isb ra i n s and the i r fam i l ia r i ty w i th exp los ives and themach i nery of warfare had been h i s or ig i nal att ract ionfor N icky . Bu t i t was Dorothea who watched h immost .She pl u nged abrup t ly i n to N icky ’s affa i r , giv i ng

names and l i neage . You know al l sorts of peop le ,do you know anyth i ng abou t he r ?He looked at her c learly , wi thou t sm i l i ng . Then

he sa id ,

“Yes . I know a good b i t abou t he r . I s

that what ’s wrong w i th N icky ?Not exact ly . Bu t he ’

s been sen t down .

H is wry sm i l e i n t imated that such th i ngsm ight be .

Then she to ld h im what the Maste r had wr i ttenand what the Professor had wr i t ten and what M ichae lhad wr i t ten

,and what N icky had sa id , and what

she , Dorothea , thought . Drayton sm i led over theMaster ’ s and the P rofessor ’s le tters , bu t when i t cameto M ichael ’ s lette r he laughed aloud .

I t’

s al l ve ry wel l for u s . But Daddy andMummy are b reak i ng the i r hearts . Daddy says he ’

s

goi ng down to Cambr idge to see what rea l ly d idhappen .

”

Aga i n that c lea r look . She gathered that he d isapp roved of Booster ’s w i fe . He d isapp roved ofso many th i ngs"of Women ’s Su ff rage ; of revolu

t i on s ; of women who revol ted ; of anybody who re

v olted ; of Mrs . Palmerston-Swete and M rs . B lathwa i te and Angela B la thwa ite . I t was putt i ng i t toom i ld ly to say he d isapp roved of Rosal i n d j e rv i s ; he detested her . He d i sapproved of Vera and of he r go i ngto see Vera ; she remembered that he had even d isapp roved , l ong ago , of poo r Ferd ie

,though he l i ked

h im . Ev iden t ly he d isapproved of Booste r ’s w i fefor the same reason that he d isapproved of Vera . Thatwas why he d idn ’ t say so .

“ I bel i eve you th i n k a l l the t ime I ’

m r i gh t ,she sa id . Would you go down i f you were he ?



hat and coat . When she came down Frances washappy agai n .

You see, Mummy , I was r ight , afte r a l l .You a lways are r ight

,darl i ng

,a l l the

t ime .For the l i fe of her she cou ldn

’ t hel p g iv i ng thatl i t t l e fl i ck at her i n fa l l ib le daughte r .

She is r igh t—most of the t ime ,”

H is eyes covered and protected her .sa id Drayton .

Anthony was i n h i s o ffice , si tt i ng before the opendoors of the cab i ne t where he kep t h i s samples of rareand val uab l e woods . The pol i shed slabs were la i dbefore h im on the tab le i n rows , as he had a rrangedthem to show to a customer w i ne-colou red mahogan

and golden sat i nwood ; ebony black as j et ; tu l i p-wood"mot t led l ike fine torto iseshe l l ; coromandel wood ,st r iped b lack and wh i te l i ke the coat of a c ivet ca t ;ghost ly basswood , sh i n i ng wh ite on dead wh i te ;woods of c louded gra i n , and woods of sh i n i ng gra i n ,gra i n that showed l i ke the slan t i ng , Spl i n tered l i nesof hewn stone

,l i ke moss . l i ke the ve i ns of flowers ,

the fr i nges of b i rds ’ feathers,the st r i p i ng and dap

pl i ng of beasts ; woods of exqu i s i te gra i n where thel i fe of the t ree drew i ts own image i n i ts own heart ;woods whose su rface was tender to the touch l i ke afine t i ssue ; and sweet-smel l i ng sanda lwood andcamphor-wood and cedar .Anthony loved h i s sh i n i ng

,pol ished slabs of wood .

I f a man must have a bus i n ess , l et i t be t imbe r .Timber was a cl ean and fine and noble th i ng . Hehad b rought the work i ng of h is bus i ness to such ap i tch of smooth perfect ion that h i s two e lde r sons

,

M ichael and N icholas , cou ld catch up w i th i t eas i lyand take i t i n the i r st r ide .

Now he was l ike a s ick ch i ld that has rangedal l i ts toys i n f ron t of i t and finds no comfort i n them .

And , as he looked at them ,the tu l ip-wood and the

The Vortex 1 3 1

scen ted sandalwood and camphor-wood gave h im anidea .

The Maste r and the Professor had both adv i sedh im to send h i s son N icholas out of England for al i t t le wh i le . Let h im trave l for s ix months andget the whole m ise rab le bus i ness ou t of h is head .

”

N icky,when he gave up the Army , had told h im

flatly that he wou ld rathe r d ie than spend h is l i fes i t t i ng i n a beast ly o ffi ce . N icky had pu t i t to h imthat t imber mean t t rees , and trees mean t forests ; why ,lots of the stu ff they imported came f rom the H imalaya and the West I nd ies and Ceylon . He hadrem i nded h im that he was always say i ng a t imbe rmerchan t cou ldn ’ t know enough abou t the l i v i ng tree .

Why shou ldn ’ t he go i n to the p laces where the l iv i ngt rees grew and learn a l l about them ? Whyshou ldn ’ t he be a t ree expert ? S ince they werespec ial i s i ng i n ra re and fore ign woods

,why shou ldn ’ t

he spec ial i se i n ra re and fore ign t rees ?And the slabs of tu l i p-wood and scented camphor

wood and sandalwood were say i ng to Anthony ,Why not ? Ne i ther he nor Frances had wantedN icky to go off to the West I nd ies and the H imalaya ;bu t now , s i nce c l early he must go off somewhere ,why not ?Drayton and Dorothy came i n j u st as Anthony

(st i l l p rofoundly dejected) was say i ng to h imsel f ,Re i nstate h im . Give h im respons ib i l i ty—cu r ios i ty

—heal thy i n te rests . Get the whole m i se rab l e bus iness out of h i s head .

I t seemed i ncredib l e,afte r what they had gone

th rough , that D rayton shou ld be stand i ng there ,te l l i ng h im that there was noth i ng i n i t

,that there

neve r had been any m iserab le bus i ness,tha t i t was

al l a storm i n an hyste r ica l woman ’s teacup . He b lewthe whole d i rty n ightmare to noth ing wi th thelaughte r that was l i ke N icky ’s own laug hter .Then Anthony and Drayton and Dorothy sa t

rou nd the tab le,draft i ng letters to the Maste r and


the Professor . Anthony , at Drayton’

s d ictat ion , informed them that he regretted the step they had see nfi t to take ; that he knew h i s own son wel l enoughto be p retty certa i n that there had been some m isu nderstand ing ; therefore , u n less he rece i ved w i th i nth ree days a wr i tten w i thdrawal of the charge aga i nsth i s son N icholas , he wou ld be ob l iged to remove h i sson M ichael f rom the Master ’s Col lege .The idea of remov i ng M ichael was Anthony ’s owni n sp i rat ion .

Drayton’

s adv ice was that he shou ld g ive N ickyh i s cho ice between Oxford and Germany , the b i gSchool of Forest ry at Aschaff enbu rg . I f he choseGermany

,he wou ld be wel l grou nded ; he cou ld

spec ial i se and t rave l afte rwards .“Now tha t

’

s al l ove r ,” Anthony sa id

, you twohad bette r come and have tea w i th me somewhere .”

Bu t there was someth i ng,

i n the i r faces that madeh im consu l t h i s watch and find that “ Oh dear me ,no he was afra id he cou ldn ’ t . ” He had an appo i n tmen t at five .

When they were wel l out of s igh t he locked uph is toys i n h i s cab i net , le ft the appo i n tment at fiveto . Mr . V ereker, and wen t home to te l l F rances abou tthe let te rs he had wr i tten to Cambr idge and the p lansthat had been made for N i cky ’s fu tu re .

“ He ’ l l choose Germany , Anthony sa id . Butthat can ’ t be helped .

”

Frances agreed that they cou ld hardly have h i tupon a better p lan .

So the affa i r of N icky and Booster ’ s w i fe wasas i f i t had neve r been . And for that they thankedthe b lessed common sense and san i ty of Capta i nD rayton .

And yet Anthony ’s idea was wrecked byBooster ’s ” w i fe . I t had come too late . Anthonyhad overlooked the fact that h is son had seven teen



There he i s,the young monkey , and the re he

’ l lstay . I t

’

s magn ificen t , bu t of cou rse he’s an ass .

”

I f you can’ t be an ass at twen ty , sa id Frances ,

when can you be ?”

They sa id i t was so l i ke N icky . For a l l he knewto the con trary h i s caree r was ru i ned ; bu t he d idn

’ tca re . You cou ldn ’ t make any imp ress ion on h im .

They wonde red i f anybody ever wou ld"Dorothy wondered too .

Wha t sor t of rooms has he got, An thony sa idFrances .

“ Very n ice rooms at the top of the house,look i ng

ove r the r ive r . ”

“ Darl i ng N icky , I shal l go and see h im . Whata re you th i nk i ng of , Dorothy ?

”

Dorothy was th i nk i ng that N icky ’s address a tChel sea was the address that Desmond had g iven he ryeste rday .

WHEN Frances heard that N icho las was go i ng abou teve rywhere w i th the pa i n te r g i r l they cal l ed Desmond ,she wrote to Vera to come and see her . She cou ldneve r b ri ng herse l f to go to the S t . Joh n ’s Woodhouse that was so much more M r . Lawrence S tephen

’

shouse than i t was Vera ’s .

The three e ldest ch i ld ren wen t now and then , te

fus i ng to go back on Vera . Frances d id not l i kei t , bu t she had not i n te rfered w i th the i r l iberty so

fa r as to forb id i t pos i t i vely ; for she j udged tha tfrustrat ion m igh t create an appet i te for M r . S tephen ’ ssoc iety that otherw ise they m ight not , afte r al l ,acqu i re .

Vera u nderstood that her husband ’s brother ands iste r-in- l aw cou ld hardly be expected to condone herlast abe rrat ion . Her attachmen t to Ferd i e Cameronhad been d i ffe ren t . I t was i nev i tab le , and i n a senseforg ivab le , see i ng that i t had been b rough t abou t byBart i e ’s shee r imposs ib i l i ty . Bes ides , the knowledgeo f i t had dawned on them so gradual ly and th roughso many stages of extenuat i ng t ragedy , that , evenwhen i t became an Open certa i n ty , the benefi t of thelong doub t remai ned . And there was Veron ica .

There was st i l l Veron i ca . Even w i thou t Veron icaVe ra wou ld have had to th i nk of someth i ng far worsethan Lawrence Stephen before Frances wou ld havecast he r off . Frances fe l t that i t was not for he r tos i t i n j ud men t u nder the she l te r of her t ree of

Heaven . uppos ing she cou ld on ly have hadAnthony as Vera had had Ferd ie

,cou ld she have

l ived w i thou t h im ? For Frances noth i ng i n the135


world had any use or i n te rest or s ign ificance but herhusband and her ch i ldren ; her ch i ldren fi rst , andAnthony afte r them . For Vera noth i ng i n the worldcoun ted bu t he r love r .

“ I f on ly I we re as su re of Lawrence as you areo f Anthony"she wou l d say .

Yet she l i ved the more i n tense ly , i f the moredangerously

,th rough the very r i sks of he r exposed

and forb i dden love .

Vera was w i thout fidel i ty to the unreturn infdead ;

bu t she made up for i t by an i ncorrup t ib l e a orat ionof the l i v i ng . And she had been made notor iousch iefly th rough Stephen ’s ce leb r i ty , wh ich was , youm ight say , a pu re acc i den t .Thus Frances made shel te r for her fr i end . On ly

Vera must be made to understand that , though she

was accepted , Lawrence Stephen was not . He wasthe po i nt at wh ich tole rat i on ceased .

And Vera d id u nderstand . She understood thatFrances and Anthony d isapproved of her last adventu re cons iderab ly more on Ferd ie ’ s and Veron ica ’saccou n t than on Bart ie ’s . Even fam i ly loyal ty cou ldnot espouse Bart ie ’ s cause w i th any zest . For Bart i eshowed h imsel f implacab l e . Over and over aga i nshe had implored h im to d i vorce he r so that Lawrencem ight marry he r

,and ove r and over aga i n he had

refused . H is i dea was to assert h imsel f by refusal s .

I n that way he cou ld st i l l fee l that he had powerover her and a sort of possess ion . I t was he whowas scandalous . Even now ne i ther Frances norAnthony had a word to say for h im .

So Vera consen ted to be rece ived su rrept i t iously ,by hersel f

,wi thout rece iv i ng Frances and Anthony

i n her tu rn . I t hu rt her ; but Stephen’s celeb r i ty

was a dress i ng to he r wound . He was so d ist ingu ished that i t was u n l i kely that Frances , or

Anthony e i the r , wou ld eve r have been rece ived byh im w i thou t Vera . She came

,look i ng hal f cyn i cal

,

hal f pathe t i c , her beau ty a l i tt le b lu rred , a l i t t le beate n



w ith . She t r ied to hold the balance even betweenthe i r youth and the i r matu r i ty .

S o Frances fough t he r fear .She had known that Ferd ie Came ron was good , as

she pu t i t,i n sp i te of eve ryth i ng ”

; bu t she hadnot seen Lawrence Stephen , and she d id not knowthat he had sen s ib i l i t i es and p rej ud ices and sc rup lesl i ke he r own ,

and that he and Vera d i st i ngu ishedvery carefu l ly between the people who wou ld be goodfor M ichae l and N icholas and Dorothy , and the peoplewho wou ld not . She d id not know that they bothdrew the l i ne at Desmond .

Vera protested that i t was not he r fa u l t , i t was notLawrence ’s fau l t that N icky had met Desmond . Shehad never asked them to meet each othe r . She d idnot deny that i t was i n her house they had met ; bu tshe had not i n t roduced them . Desmond had i n t roduced herse l f , on the grou nds that she knew Dorothy .

Vera suspected that , f rom the fi rst moment when shehad seen h im there— by pu re acc iden t—she hadmarked h im down . Ve ry l i ke ly she had wr iggledi n to Dorothy ’ s Su ffrage meet i ng on pu rpose . Shewas capab le of anyth i ng .

Not that Vera though t the re was any need forFrances to worry . I t was most u n l i ke ly thatDesmond ’s bus i ness w i th N icky cou ld be se r ious .

For one th i ng she was too young herse l f to care foranybody as young as N icky . For anothe r

,she hap

pened to be i n the beg i n n i ng , or the m idd le , certa inl ynowhere near the end of a t remendous affa i r w i thHeadley R ichards . As she was des ign i ng the dressesand the scene ry for the new play he was pu tt i ng on atthe I ndependen t Theat re , Vera a rgued very plaus ib lythat the affa i r had on ly ju st started

,and that Frances

must al low i t a certa i n t ime to run .

“ I hope to goodness that the R icha rds man w i l lmar ry he r . ”

My d ea r , how can he He ’s marr ied a l ready toa n ice l i t t le woman that he i sn ’ t ha l f t i red of yet .

The Vortex 1 39

Desmond was dete rm i ned to have h im , and she’

s goth im ; bu t he

’

s on ly taken he r i n his st r ide , as youmay say . I don ’ t suppose he cares very much one

way or anothe r . But w i th Desmond i t’s a pomt of

honourfl’

What ’s a po i n t of honou r ?Why

,to have h im . Not to be le f t out Bes ides ,

she a lways sa id she cou ld take h im from poor l i t t leG i nny R ichards

,and she ’s done i t . That was

another po i n t of honou r . ”

With a calmness that was horr ib l e to F rances ,Vera we ighed her fr iend Desmond ’ s case . ToFrances i t was as i f she had neve r known Vera . E itherVera had changed or she had never known he r . Shehad never known women , o r men e i the r , who d iscussed such pe rformances wi th calmness . Verahersel f hadn ’ t made her infidelities a po i n t o f

honou r .These were the pass ions and the thoughts of

Lawrence Stephe n ’s and o f Desmond ’

s world ; thesewere the th i ngs i t took for granted . These peoplel ived i n a moral vortex ; they wh i rled round and rou ndw i th each other ; they were powerless to res i st thesw i rl . Not one of them had any othe r ca re than tolove and to make love afte r the manner of the Vortex .

Th i s was the i r honou r , not to be left ou t of i t , notto be le ft ou t of the Vortex , bu t to be ca rr i ed away ,to be sucked i n , and wh i r l rou nd and rou nd wi theach other and the rest .The pa i n te r g i rl Desmond was horr ib l e to Frances .

And al l the t ime her m i nd was busy w i th onequest ion" Do you th i n k N icky knows ?

I ’m perfect ly su re he doesn ’ t . ”

Perhaps—if he d idNo

, my dear , that’s no good . I f you te l l h im

he won ’ t be l ieve i t . You ’ l l have al l h is ch ivalry upi n a rms . And you ’ l l be putt i ng i n to h i s head whatmay never come i nto i t i f he ’

s l e ft a lone . And you ’ l lbe pu tt i ng i t i n to Desmond ’s head .

”

The Tree of Heaven

Capta i n Drayton, whom Anthony consu l ted , sa id ,

Lea ve h im alone .

” Those pa i n t i ng and wr i t i ngjohn n ies were a rum lot . You cou ldn ’ t take themser i ou sly . The Desmond gi rl m igh t be everyth i ngthat Ve ra Harr i son sa id she was . He d idn

’ t th i nk ,though

,that the idea o f mak i n love to he r wou ld

en te r N icky ’ s head i f they lef t t im alone . N icky ’ shead had more importan t ideas i n i t .S o they left h im alone .

And at fi rst N icholas real ly was too busy to th i nkmuch o f Desmond . Too busy w ith h i s ass i stan tmanage r ’ s job at the Morss Moto r Works ; too busywi th one of the l i tt le i deas to wh ich he owed thesudden r ise i n h i s pos i t ion the l i ttle idea of mak i ngthe Morss cars go faste r ; too busy w i th h i s b i Ideawh ich had noth i ng whateve r to do w i th the i f orssCompany and thei r ca rs .H is b ig I dea was the idea o f the Mov i ng Fort ress .

The dream o f a French eng inee r , that old abandoneddream of the forteresse mobi le

,had become N icky ’ s

pass ion .

He cla imed no or ig i na l i ty for h i s idea . I t wasa composi te of the armou red t ra i n , the revolv i ngtu rret , the t racto r w i th cate rp i l la r whee l s , and themotor-car . These th i n 5 had welded themse l ves to

gether gradual ly i n N ic y’

s m ind du r i ng h i s last yea ra t Cambr idge . The tab l e i n N icky ’s s i t t i ng-roomat the top o f the house i n Chel sea was now coveredwi th the pa rts of h is model of the Mov i ng Fort ress .He made them at the works

, one by one ; fo r theMorss Company were p roud of h im

,and he had leave

to use the i r mate r ia l and p lan t now and then for l i tt leideas of h is own . The idea of the Movi ng Fortresswas wi th h im al l day i n the workshops and ofli ces

and showrooms , hover i ng l ike a formless Sp i r i tua lp resence among the wheeled forms . Bu t i n the eveni ng i t took shape and sound . I t a rose and moved

,



l i nd and Dorothy ’s other f r i ends ta l ked . She le t youth i nk .

I t was Desmond who to ld h im h im that h i s s iste rd idn ’ t l i ke he r

,and that Frank Drayton d isapproved

o f her .“ They wou ldn ’ t ,

” sa id N icky , i f they knew

you . And he tu rned agai n to the subjec t of h i sl ov i ng Fort ress .For Desmond ’s i nte l l igence was perfec t and he r

sympathy was pe rfect , and he r way o f l i sten i ng wasperfect . She sat on the floor , on the orange and bl uecush ions, i n s i lence and i n pat ie nce , embrac i ng herknees w i th her l ong , sl ende r , sal low-wh i te a rms ,wh i le Nicky stamped up and down her stud io andta l ked to he r l i ke a monoman iac abou t h i s Mov i ngFort ress . I t d id n ’ t bore he r to l i sten , because shed idn ’ t have to answer ; she had on ly to look at h imand sm i le , and nod he r head at h im nowand then as a s ign of en thus iasm . She l i ked look i ngat h im ; she l i ked h is young nai ve te and monoman i a ; she l iked h is face and al l h is gestu res , andthe poi se and movemen t of h i s young body .

And as she looked a t h im the beau ty tha t slep t i nher d u l led eyes , and i n her sa l low-wh ite face and i nhe r th i n body , awoke and became a l i ve . I t was notdangerous yet ; not ready yet to te l l the secre t heldback i n its long , subt le , ser i ou s , and slende r l i nes .Desmond ’s sensual i ty was woven w i th so fine a webthat you wou ld have sa id i t be longed less to her bodythan to her Sp i r i t a nd he r m i nd .

I n n i ne teen-e leven , on fine days i n the late sp r i ngand early summer

,when the Morss Company len t

h im a ca r , or when they sen t h im motori ng abou t thecou n t ry on the i r bus i ness , he took Desmond w i th h imand Desmond ’s pa i n t i ng box and easel . And theyrested on the grass borders of the h igh roads and onthe ed es of the woods and moors , and Desmondpa inte her ext raord i nary p ictu res wh i le N icky lay on

The Vortex 1 43

h is back bes ide her w i th h i s face tu rned up to thesky and dreamed of fly ing mach i nes .For he had done wi th h i s Mov ing Fortress . I t

on ly wa i ted for Desmond to fin ish the last d raw ing .

W hen he had that he wou ld show the p lan s andthe mode l to Fran k Drayton before he sen t them tothe War O ffice .He l ived fo r that momen t of comple t ion .

And from the au tumn of n ineteen-ten to the sp r i ngof n i netee n-e leven Desmond ’s affa i r w i th HeadleyR i chards i nc reased and flowered and r ipened to i t sfu lfi lmen t . And i n the early summer she found thatth i ngs had happened as she had mean t that theyshou ld happen .

She had always mean t i t . She had always sa id ,and she had a lways thought , that women wereno good un less they had the cou rage of the i rop i n ions ; the on ly th i ng to be ashamed of was thecoward ice that preven ted them from gett i ng whatthey wanted .

Desmond had no idea tha t the v io lence of theVortex had sucked he r i n . Be i ng i n the movemen to f her own free w i l l , she thought that by s imp lySp i nn i ng round faste r and faste r she added her ownenergy to the wh i rl . I t was not Dorothy ’s vortex ,or the vortex of the fight ing Su ff rage woman . Des

mond d idn ’ t care very much abou t the Suff rage ; orabou t any k i nd of freedom bu t her own k i nd ; or abou tanybody ’s freedom bu t he r own . Maud Blackadder’

s

i dea of freedom struck Desmond as shee r moral andphys ic l i nsan i ty . Yet each , Desmond and Dorothyand aud B lackadder, and Mrs . B lathwa ite and he rdaughter and M rs . Palmerston-Swete

,had her own

part i cu la r sw i r l i n the immense Vortex of the youngcen tu ry . I f you had you th and l i fe i n you , you werei n revo l t .Desmond

’

s theor ies were Dorothy ’s theor ies too ;


on ly tha t wh i le Dorothy , as Rosa l i nd had sa id ,thought out her theor ies i n her bra i n wi thou t fee ling them ,

Desmond fe l t t hem w i th he r wholebe ing ; and w i th her whole be i ng , secret , subt le andabsol ute ly relen t less , she was ben t on carry i ng themout .And i n the summer

,i n the new season , Head ley

Richards dec ided that he had no fu rthe r use forDesmond . The new play had run i t s course a t

'

the

I ndependen t‘

beatre,a cou rse so br ie f that R ichards

had been d isappo i n ted . He pu t down the fa i l u rema i n ly to the quee rness of the dresses and the scene ryshe had des igned for h im . Desmond ’ s new art wastoo new ; people were n

’ t ready yet for that so rt o fth i ng . At the same t ime he d iscovered that he wasrea l ly ve ry much attached to h i s own w i fe G i n ny , andwhen G i nny nob ly offe red to g ive h im h is d ivorce hehad repl ied nob ly that he d i dn ’ t wan t one . And heleft Desmond to face the mus ic .

Desmond ’ s m ise ry was acu te ; bu t i t was not so

hopeless as i t wou ld have been i f she cou ld havecred i ted G i n ny R icha rds w i th any permanent powe ro f att ract ion for Headley . She knew he wou ld comeback to he r . She knew the power of her own body .

She held h im by the t ie that was never broken so

long as i t endu red . He wou ld never marry he r ; yethe wou ld come back .

Bu t i n the i n terva l between these acts the re wasthe music .

And‘

the fi rs t sound of the mus ic , the changedi n tonat i ons of he r l andlady , fr ightened Desmond ; forthough she was older than N icky she was very young .

And there were Desmond ’s people . You may forge tthat you have people and behave as i f they weren ’ tthere ; bu t , i f they a re there , soone r or l ate r they w i l ll e t you know i t . An immense volume of sounda nd some terr i fy i ng orchest ra l effects were contr ibu ted by Desmond ’s people . So that the mus ic wasrea l ly very bad to bear .



And Vera rep l ied that Desmond , i n her own quee rway

,rea l ly was a rather d ist i ngu ished pa i n te r . Pay

he r,

”she said .

“ Pay her for goodness ’ sake andhave done w i th i t . And i f she wants to g ive youth i ngs , don

’ t le t he r .As i f

,

” sa id N icky , I shou ld dream of le tt i ng

And he wen t off to Chelsea to pay Desmond thenand the re .

Vera though t that she had been rathe r c leve r .N icky wou ld dash i n and do the th i ng badly . Hewou ld be very p roud abou t i t , and he wou ld revol tf rom h is dependence on Desmond , and he wou ldshow her—Vera hoped that he wou ld show her—tha the d id not wan t to be u nde r any ob l igat ion to her .And Desmond wou ld be hu rt and lose her tempe r .The hard look wou ld get i n to her face and dest royi ts beau ty , and she would say detestab le th i ngs i na detestab le vo ice

,and a dreadfu l ugl i ness wou ld come

between them , and the impu lse of N icky’s yet u nborn

pass ion wou ld be checked , and the memory of thatabom i nab le hal f-hou r wou ld d iv i de them for eve r .

Bu t Vera hersel f had grown hard and c leve r . Shehad forgotten N icky ’s tenderness , and she knewnoth i ng a t al l abou t Desmond ’s fr ight . And , as i thappened

,ne i the r N icky nor Desmond did any of

the th i ngs she though t they wou ld do .

N icky was not impetuous . He found Desmondi n he r stud io work i ng on the last draw i ng of theMov i ng Fort ress , wi th the fin i shed model before he r .That gave h im h is open i ng

,and he app roached shyly

and ten tat ive ly .

Desmond pu t on an a i r of complete absorpt ion i nher drawi ng ; bu t she sm i led . A pret ty sm i le tha tl i fted the co rners of he r mouth and made i t qu i ve r

,

ind

1gaveN icky a quee r and u nexpected des i re to

15 5 ter.

The Vortex 1 47

He wen t on wan t i ng to know wha t his debt was—~ not that he cou ld ever rea l ly pay i t .Oh , you fool ish N icky , Desmond sa i d .

He repeated h imsel f ove r and over aga i n , andeach t ime she had an answer , and the answers had acumulat ive effec t .

“ There i sn ’ t a ny debt . You don ’ t pay anyth i ng

“ I d idn ’ t do i t for tha t, you s i l ly boy .

What d id I do i t for ? I d id i t fo r fu n . Youcou ldn ’ t draw a th i ng l i ke that fo r any th i ng e lse .

Look at i t“Well , i f you wan t to be horr i d and calcu lat i ng

abou t i t , th in k of the l u nches and the d i nners andthe theatre t ickets and the flowers you ’ve given m e .

Oh , and the gal lons and gal lons of petrol . How amI ever to pay you back aga i nThus she mocked h im .

Can ’ t you see how you ’ re spo i l i ng i t a l l ?And then , pass ionate ly"“ Oh , N icky , please don

’ tsay i t aga i n . I t h u rts . ”

She tu rned on h im he r b ig black look i ng-glasseyes washed br i ght , each w i th one tear that knewbette r than to fa l l j ust ye t . He must see that she washold ing herse l f we l l i n hand . I t wou ld be no use

l e tt i ng herse l f go u n t i l he had forgotten h is Mov ingFort ress . He was look ing at the beast ly th i ng now ,

i n stead of look i n at her .Are you th ink i ng of anothe r old eng i ne ?N

’

o , sa id N icky . I ’m not th i nk i ng of any

Then you don ’ t wan t me to do any more drawi ngs

No .

Wel l then—I wonder whether you ’d very muchm ind go i ng away ? ”

C‘NOW

H

No . Not now . But soon . From here ."A l to

gethe r . ”


G o ? Al togethe r ? Me ? \V hy ?

He was u tte r ly aston ished . He thought that hehad o ffended Desmond past a l l forg iveness .

Because I came here to be alone . To work .

And I can ’ t work . And I wan t to be a lone agai n .

”

Am I—spo i l i ng i t ?Yes , you

’ re spo i l i ng i t damnably .

“ I ’m sorry,Desmond . I d idn ’ t mean to . I

thoughtBu t he hadn ’ t the heart to say what he had

thought .She looked a t h im and knew that the momen t was

com i nI t ad come .

She tu rned away from the tab le where the Mov i ngFort ress stood , th reate n i ng he r w i th i ts m im ic guns ,and rem ind i ng N icky of the th i ngs she most wan tedh im to forget . She w i thdrew to he r c rouch i ng placea t the other end of the stud io , among the cush ions .He fol lowed he r there w i th slow , thoughtfu l steps ,

steps fu l l of b rood i ng pu rpose and of hal f-u nconsc iou smean in

N icky , I’m so u nhappy . I d idn ’ t know i t was

poss ib le for anybody to be so u nhappy i n th i s world .

”

She began to c ry qu i e tly .

Desmond—what i s i t ? W ha t i s i t ? Tel l me .

\Yby can’ t you tel l me

She thought , I t w i l l be a l l r igh t i f he k i sses meonce . I f he holds me i n h is a rms once . Then I cante l l h im .

For then he wou ld know that he loved her . Hewas not qu i te su re now . She knew that he was notqu i te su re . She trusted to the power of her bodyto make h im su re .

Her y outh ne i the r u nderstood h is you th,nor

a l lowed for i t , nor p i t ied i t .He had k issed her . He had held her i n h is arms



h im,dabb i ng he r mou th and eyes now and then w i th

he r pocket-handkerch ie f , contro l l i ng herse l f , c ry i ngqu iet ly .

She knew, what had not dawned on N icky yet ,that he d id n ’ t l ove he r . I f he had loved he r he wou ldhave cared i n tole rab ly . He d idn ’ t ca re abou t Headl ey R icha rds because he d idn ’ t ca re abou t Desmondany more . He was on ly puzz led .

Why d id you do i t ? ”

I ca n ’ t th i n k why . I must have been off myhead . I d i dn ’ t k now what i t was l i ke . I d idn ’ tknow . I thou ht i t wou ld be wonderfu l andbeaut i fu l . I t ough t he was wonderfu l andbeaut i fu l .

Poor l i t t l e Desmond .

Oh , N icky , do you th i n k me a beast ? Does i tmake you hate me ?

No . Of cou rse i t doesn ’ t . The on ly awfu lth i ng i s

“ What ? Tel l me .

Wel l—you seeYou mean the baby ? I know i t ’s awfu l . You

needn ’ t tel l me that,N icky .

He sta red at he r .I mean i t ’s so awfu l for i t .

She thought he had been th i nk i ng of h imsel fand he r .

Why shou ld i t be ?Why ? There i sn ’ t any why . I t j ust i s . I

know i t i s .He was th i nk i ng of Veron ica .

You see ,” he sa i d s imp ly, tha t ’s why th i s sort

of th i ng i s such a rotten game . I t ’s so hard on thek iddy . I suppose you d idn ’ t th i nk of that . You

cou ldn ’ t have , or e lse you wou ldn’ t

He paused . There was one th i ng he had to know.

He must get i t ou t of he r .“ I t hasn ’

t made you fee l that you don’ t want

The Vortex 1 5 1

0 11—1 don ’ t know what I want-“ now . I don ’ tknow what i t makes me fee l"

“ Don ’ t l e t i t,Desmond . Don ’ t le t i t . I t

’

l l bea l l r igh t . You won ’ t fee l l i ke that when ou

’

vemarr ied me . Can ’ t you see tha t

’

s the wonder ul andbeaut i fu l part ?

W hat i s ? she sa i d i n her t i red drawl .I t— the poor k iddy .

Because he remembered Veron ica he was go i ng tomarrv Desmond .

Veron ica ’s mothe r was the fi rst to hear abou t i t .Desmond told her .Veron ica ’s mothe r was dete rm i ned to stop i t for

the sake o f everybody concerned .

She wrote to N icholas and asked h im to come andd ine w i th her one even i ng when Lawrence S tephenwas d i n i ng somewhere e lse . (Lawrence Stephenmade rathe r a poi n t of not go ing to hou ses whereVera was not rece i ved ; bu t somet imes , when theoccas ion was pol i t ica l , or otherw ise importan t , he hadto . That was her pun ishment

,as Bartholomew had

mean t that i t shou ld be .)N icky knew what he had been sen t for

,and to a l l

h i s au n t ’s assau l ts and manoeuvres he presen ted ani nexpugnabl e fron t .

You mustn ’ t do i t ; you s imp ly mustn’ t . ”

He i nt imated that h i s marr iage was h is ownafl

'

a ir.

“ I t i sn ’ t . I t ’s the affa i r of everybody who caresfor you .

”

The i r car i ng isn ’ t my affa ir,sa id N icky .

And then Vera began to say th i ngs abou tDesmond .

I t’

s absu rd of you , she sa id,to t reat her as

i f she was an i n nocen t ch i ld . She i sn ’ t a ch i ld,and

she i sn’

t i n nocen t . ‘She knew perfect ly wel l what shewas about . There ’s noth i ng she doesn ’ t know . She


mean t i t to happe n , a nd she made i t happen . Shesa id she wou ld . She mean t you t o marry her , and

she ’ s mak i ng yo u marry her. I daresay she sa id she

wou ld . She ’s as c leve r and dete rm i ned as the dev i l .Ne i the r you nor Headley R icha rds eve r had a chanceaga i ns t he r . ”

“ She hasn ’ t ot a dog ’s chance aga i nst a l l youpeople ye lp i ng at ter now she ’s down . I shou l d havethough t

You mean I’

v e no busi ness to ? That wasd ifferen t . I d idn ’ t take any other woman ’s husband ,o r an

yothe r woman ’ s l ove r

,N icky .

”

f you had ,” sa id N icky , I wou ld n ’ t have i n te r

I wouldn ’ t i n te rfe re i f I thought o n cared thatfor Desmond . B ttt you don

’

t . \ ou know you

don ’ t . ”

“ Of cou rse I care for he r .He sa id i t stou t ly , but he colou red a ll the same

,

and Vera knew that he was vu l nerab le .

Oh , Nicky dear , i f you’d on ly wa i ted

What do you meanH i s you ng eyes i n ter rogated her auste re ly ; and

she fl inched . I don ’ t k now what I mean . Un lessI mean that y ou ’ re j u st a l i tt l e young to marry anybod y .

”

I don ’ t ca re i f I am . I don ’ t feel young , I cantel l you . Anyhow

,Desmond ’s yea rs younge r .

“ Desmond i s twenty -th ree . You ’ re twentv . I t ’ sVeron ica who ’ s y ears you nge r .

Veron ica ?She ’ s s ixteen . You don ’ t imag ine Desmond is

as y oung as that , do you Wait t i l l she ’s twenty-fiveand you ’ re twen ty-two .

”

“ I t wou ldn ’ t do poor Desmond much good i f Idid . I cou ld k i l l Headley R ichards .

”

What for ?For leav i ng her .Ve ra smi led .

“ That shows how much you ca re .



These reflect i ons were forced on them by the i ron i cco i nc idence of N icky ’ s engagemen t w i th h i s rehab il itat ie n at the Un ive rs i ty .

Drayton’

s forecast was correct ; Nicky’ s b rothe r

M ichael had not been removed f rom N icky ’ s col l egee ight months before lette rs of apology and rest i tut ioncame . B ttt both apology and rest i tu t ion came too

“

late .

For by that t ime N icky had marr ied Desmond .

AFTER N icholas , Veron ica ; and afte r Veron i ca ,M ichael .Anthony and Frances sat i n the beau t i fu l d raw i ng

room of the i r house , one on each s ide of the fi replace .

They had i t al l to themse lves , excep t for the cats ,Ti to and Timmy

,who c rouched on the hearth rug at

the i r fee t . Frances’

s forehead and her upper l ip weremarked del i cate ly w i th shal low, tender l i nes ; An

thony’

s eyes had crow ’s-feet a t the i r corners , po i n t i n gto grey ha i rs at h i s temples . To each othe r the i rfaces we re as they had been fi fteen yea rs ago . Thefl i ght of t ime was measu red for them by the generat ions of the cats that had succeeded Jane and Jerry .

For st i l l i n secre t they re fu sed to th i nk of the i rch i ldren as grown up .

Dorothy was upsta i rs i n her study wr i t i ng art ic le sfor the Women ’s Franch i se Un ion . They owed i t tohe r magnan im i ty that t hey had one ch i l d rema i n i ngw ith them i n the house. John was at Che ltenham ;Veron ica was i n D resden . Michae l was i n Germany ,too , at that School of Forest ry a t Aschaf’fenbu rgwh ich Anthony had mean t for N icky . They cou ldn 'tbea r to th i nk whe re N icky was .

When Frances though t abou t he r ch i l dren nowhe r m i nd went backwards . I f on ly they hadn ’ tgrown up ; i f on ly they cou ld have stayed l i tt l e foreve r"I n anothe r fou r years even Don-Don wou ldbe grown up

—Don-Don who was such a long t imegett i ng older that at fou rteen , on ly two yea rs ago ,

hehad been capabl e of s i tt i n g i n he r lap, a great longlegged , Humbering puppy , wh i le mother and son

1 55


rocked dangerously together i n each other’ s arms

,

l i ke two ch i ld ren,laugh i ng together , mock i ng each

other .She was go i ng to be wiser w i th Don-Don than she

had been w i th N icky . She wou ld be wise r w i thM ichae l when he came back from Germany . S he

wou ld keep them both out of the Vortex , the horr ib leVortex that Lawrence Stephen and Vera had let

N icky i n for, the Vo rtex that se i zed on youth andforced i t i nto a corrup t matu ri ty . Afte r Desmond ’sa ffa i r Anthony and Frances fel t that to them the soc ia lc i rc l e i nhab i ted by Vera and Lawrence S tephenwou ld neve r be anyth i ng but a d i rty hel l .As for Ve ron i ca , the longe r she staved i n German y

the bette r .Yet Frances knew that they had not sen t Veron ica

to Dresden to preven t he r mothe r from gett i ng holdof he r . When she remembered the fea r she had hado f the apple-tree house , she sa id to hersel f that Desmond was a j udgment on her for send in g l i tt l eVeron ica away .

And yet i t was the k i ndest th i ng they cou ld havedone for he r . Veron ica was happy i n D resden , l i v i ngwi th a German fam i ly and study i ng musi c and the

language . She had no idea tha t mus ic and thelanguage were mere b l i nds , and tha t she had bee nsen t to the German fam i ly to keep her ou t of N icky ’s

The wou ld have them al l back a a i n a t Ch r istmas . rances cou n ted the days . From to-n igh t ,the seven th of June , to December the twen t ieth wasnot much more than s ix months .To-n ight , the seventh o f June , was N icky

’s wedd i ng-n ig t . But they d id not know that . N ickyhad kept the knowl edge from them , i n h is mercy , tosave them the agony of dec id i ng whethe r they wou ldrecogn ise the marr iage or not . And as nei therFrances nor Anthony had eve r faced square ly th ep rospect o f d i saste r to the i r ch i ld re n , they had tu rned



How on earth cou ld she know a th i ng l i kethat ? ”

She m ight . She so rt o f sees th i ngs—l i keFe rd ie . She may have seen h im w i th Desmond .

You can ’ t te l l . ”

“ Do they say what the doc tor th i nks ?Yes . He th i nks it ’

s worry and He imweh—home hs ickness . They wan t u s to send fo r he r and take herback . Not let he r have anothe r te rm .

”

Though Frances loved Veron ica , she was a fra idof he r com ing back . For she was more than ever conv inced that someth i ng wou ld happen , and that N ickywou ld not marry Desmond .

The other le tte r was even more d i ffi cu l t to translate ,or to understand when t ranslated .

The author i t i es a t Aschaff enbu rg requested HerrHarr i son to remove h is son M ichae l f rom the Schoolof Forest ry . M ichae l afte r h is fi rs t few weeks haddone no ood at the school . I n v iew of the expenseto Herr Ha rr i son i nvo l ved i n h is fees and ma inten

ance , they cou ld not honest ly adv i se h i s e nte r i ng uponanother te rm . I t wou ld on ly be a dep lo rab le th rowi ng away of money on a use less scheme . H is son

M ichae l had no thorou hness , no p ract i ca l ab i l i ty ,and no grasp whateve r o theoret i c deta i l . From HerrHarr i son ’s po i n t of v iew , th i s was the more regrettab l e i nasmuch as the young man had colossa ldec is ion and pers istence and energy of h is own . Hewas an i ndefat igab le d reamer . Very l i ke ly—whenh i s d reams had crystal l i sed—a poet . But the ideaHerr Harr i son had had that h is son M ichae l wou ldmake a man of bus i ness , or an expe rt i n Forest ry ,was al together fan tast ic and absu rd . And from thedesperate i nvol u t ion s of the fina l sen tence Dorothyd isentangled the clea r fac t that M ichae l ’s persona lcharm , comb ined w i th h is host i l i ty to d i sc ip l i ne , h i scomplete i nd i ff erence to the a ims of the au thor i t ies ,

The Vortex 1 59

and h is u tte r lack of any sense of respons ib i l i ty , madeh im a dangerous i n fl uence i n any school .That was the end of Anthony

’

s p lans forM i chae l .The next morn ing N icky w i red from some V i l lage

i n S ussex"Marr ied yesterday .—N ICK Y .

”

Afte r that noth ing seemed to matte r . With N ickygone f rom them

,they were glad to have M ichae l back

aga in . Frances sa id they m igh t be thankfu l fo r oneth ing—that there wasn ’

t any German Peggy or anyGerman Desmond i n M ichael

’s p rob lem .

And si nce both M ichae l and Veron ica were to beremoved at once

,the s imp lest arrangemen t was tha t

he shou ld retu rn to Dresden and b r i ng he r back w i thh im .

Frances had never been afra id for M ichae l .

M ichae l k new that he had made havoc of h i sfather ’s plans . He cou ldn ’ t hel p that . H is affa i rwas far too desperate . And any other man bu t h i sfathe r wou ld have foreseen that the havoc was inev i tab le , and wou ld have made no p lans . He knewhe had been t u rned i n to the t ree- t ravel l i ng schemethat had been mean t fo r N icky , because ,

‘

though

N icky had sl ipped out of i t , h i s father s imp ly cou ldn’ t

bear to g ive up h i s idea . And no wonde r,when the

dear old th i ng had so few of them .

He had been honest wi th h i s father abou t i t ; everyb i t as honest as N icky had been . He had wan ted tot rave l i f he cou ld go to Ch i na and Japan

,j u st as

N icky had wanted to t ravel i f he could go to placesl i ke the West I nd ies and the H imalaya . And hed idn ’ t m ind try i ng to get the t rees i n when he wasthere . He was even prepa red to accep t Germany andthe School of Forestry , i f Germany was the on ly wayto Ch i na and Japan . Bu t he had to ld h i s fathe r notto m ind i f noth i ng came of i t a t the end of al l thet rave l l i ng . And h i s fathe r had sa id he wou ld take

The Tree of Heaven

the r isk . He p re fe rred tak ing the r i sk to g iv i ng uph i s idea .

And M ichael had been honest w i th h imse l f . He

had to ld h imse l f that he,too , must take some r i sks , and

the chances we re that a yea r or two i n Germanywou ldn ’ t rea l ly hu rt h im . Th i ngs never d id hu rt y ouas much as you thou h t they wou ld . He had though tthat Camb ridge won (I do a l l sorts of th i n

gs to h im ,

and Cambrid e had not done any th i ng to im a t a l l .As for Oxforf, i t had g iven h im nearly a l l the sol i t udea nd l i be rty he wan ted

,and more compan ionsh i p than

he was eve r l i ke ly to wan t . At twen ty-two M ichae lwas no l onger af ra i d of dy i ng before he had fin i shedh is best work . I n sp i te o f both u n iversit i es , he haddone more or less what he had mean t to do beforehe wen t to Germany . H is work had not yet stoodthe test of t ime , bu t to make up fo r that he h imsel f ,in h i s u neasy pass ion for perfect ion , l i ke T ime ,dest royed a lmost as much as he c reated . St i l l

,afte r

some p i t i l ess el im i nat ions , enough of h is ve rseremai ned for one fine

,th i n book .

I t wou ld be pub l i shed i f Lawrence S tephenipproved of the se lect ion .

So , M ichae l a rgued , even i f he d ied to-ni orrow,

there was no reason why he shou ld not go to Germanyto-day .

He was too you ng to know tha t he a cqu iesced so

ca lm ly because h is sou l was for a momen t appeasedbv accompl i shmen t .He was too young to know that h i s sou l had a

de l icate , profou nd and h idden l i fe of i ts own,and

tha t i n secre t i t approached the c r i s i s of t rans i t i on .

I t was pass i ng ove r from you th to matu r i ty , l i ke as leep-walker , u nconsc ious , enchan ted , see i ng i ts wa yw i thou t see i ng i t , safe on ly f rom the dangers o f

the passage i f nobody touched i t,and i f i t wen t

a lone .

M ichae l had no id ea o f what Germany cou ld a ndwou ld do to h is sou l .



he was,i n Par i s w i th Ju les Réveillaud , i n the Rue

S ervandon i . And because h i s consc ience kept onte l l i n h im that he wou ld be a coward and a b lackguar i f he stayed i n Par is he wre nched h imse l fawan the t ra i n , go i ng i n to Germany , he read

R éveillaud’

s“Poemes

” and the «

“Poemes of the

young men who fol lowed h im . He had read i n Par i sR é ve i llaud

’

s Cr i t i que de la Poés ie Angla i se Contempora ine .

” And as he read h is poems he saw that ,though he

,M ichae l Harr i son , had sp l i t w i th

“ l apoés ie angla i se con tempora i ne ,

” he was not , as hehad supposed , alone . H is idea of be i ng by h imsel f ,o f find i ng new forms , do i ng new th i ngs by h imse l fto the d isgust and annoyance of othe r peop le , i n aworld where on ly one person , Lawrence S tephen ,u nderstood or cared for what he d id , was pu re i l l us ion . These young Frenchmen , wi th Ju les Réve i llaud at the i r head , were do ing the same th i ng , mak i ngthe same exper imen t

,bel i ev i ng i n the exper imen t ,

car i ng for noth i ng bu t the exper iment , andcarry i ng i t fa rthe r than he had dreamed o f carry i ngi t . They were not so fa r ahead of h im i n t ime ;R éve illaud h imsel f had on ly two years ’ sta rt ; but theywere a l l go i ng the same way , and he saw tha t hemust e i the r go w i th them or col lapse i n the soft heapof rotten ness ,

“ l a poés ie angla i se con tempora i ne .

He had made h i s own exper iments i n what heca l led l ive verse ” before he left England , a fte rhe had sa id he wou ld go to Germany , even afte r thefinal a rrangements had been made . H is father hadg iven h im a month to tu rn round i n ,

” ‘

as he pu ti t . And M ichae l had tu rned complete ly rou nd .

He had not shown h i s expe r iments to S tephen .

He d idn ’ t know what to th i nk of them h imse l f . Buthe cou ld see , when once Rév ei llaud had po i n ted i tou t to h im , that they were the stu ff that coun ted .

I n the t ra i n go i ng i n to Germany he though t o fce rta i n th i ngs that R évei llaud had sa id"“ Nous

The Vortex 1 63l

avons tre inpé l a poés i e dans l a c i n tu re et lamus ique . I l fau t la dél i v re r par la seu pture . Chaquel igne

,chaque ve rs

,chaque poeme ta i l lé e n b loc ,

sa ns cou leu r , sans deco r, sans r ime .

” Lasa i n te pauvresse du styl e d épou i l lé .

“I l

fau t de la du reté , touj ou rs de la d u reté .He thou h t of R éve illaud ’

s c r i t i c i sm , and h i ssudden start ed spu rt of adm i rat ion Ma is l

‘

Vousl ’avez t rouvée , la beau té de la l igne dro i te .

”

And Rév eillaud ’

s quest ion" Vra imen t ? Vousn

’

avez jama is lu un seu l ve rs de mes poemes . Alors ,c ’est é ton nan t .”

And then "“ C ’est que la réa l i téest p l us forte que nous .

The revol t i ng i rony of i t"Afte r stumbl i ng andfumbl i ng for years by h imsel f , l i ke an id iot , t ry i ngto get i t , the c lea r hard Real i ty ; t ry i ng not to col

lapse i n to the soft heap of contemporary rotten ness ;a nd ,

‘

suddenly , to get i t w i thou t know i ng that hehad got i t , so that , bu t for R éveillaud , he m igh teas i ly have d ied i n h i s ignorance ; and then , i n thei nc red ib le momen t of real i sat i on

,to have to le t go

,

to turn h i s back on Par i s , where he wanted to l i ve ,and on R éveillaud , whom he wan ted to know , andto be packed i n a damnab le t ra i n

,l i ke a parcel

, and

sen t off to Germany , a coun try wh ich he d id not eve nwi sh to see .

He wondered i f he cou ld have done i t i f h e hadnot loved h is fa the r . He wondered i f h i s fatherwou ld eve r u nde rstand that i t was the hardest th i nghe had ever yet done o r cou ld do .

But the t rees wou l d be beau t i fu l . He wou l drather l i ke see i ng the t rees .

TreesHe wonde red whether he wou ld ever care abou t a

t ree aga in .

TreesHe wondered whether he wou ld eve r see a tree

aga i n , eve r smel l tree-sap , o r hea r the w i nd sound ing


i i i the ash-t rees l i ke a r i ve r and i n the fi rs l i ke a

TreesHe wondered whether any t ree wou ld ever come

to l i fe for h im aga i n .

He looked on a t the t ree-fe l l i ng . He saw

slaughte red t rees,t rees that tottered , t ree s that stag

gered i n each othe r’s b ra nches . He heard the scream

and the sh r iek of wounded boughs , the creak i ng andc rash i ng of the t ru nk , and the long h i ss of branchesfa l l i ng

,t ra i l i ng th rough branches to the ground . He

smel t the raw j u ice of broken leaves and the sharpt ree dust i n the saw-p i ts .

The trees d ied horr i b le deaths,i n the forest s

u nde r the axes of the woodmen , and i n the school su nder the tongues of the Professo rs , and i n M ichae l

’ssou l . The Ge rman Governmen t was determ i nedthat he shou ld know a l l abou t t rees . I ts o ffi c ial s ,the Professors and i nst ructors were sorry i f he d idn ’ tl i ke i t , bu t they were orde red by the i r Governmen tand pa id by the i r Governmen t to impart th i s i n format ion ; they had cont racted w i th Herr Harr ison toimpa rt i t to h is son M ichae l for so long as hecou ld endu re i t

,and they imparted i t w i th a l l the i r

m igh t .M ichael ra ther l i ked the Germans of Aschaff en

burg . I nstead of desp i s i ng h im because he wou ldneve r make a t imber-merchan t or a t ree expert , theyadm i red and respected h im becau se he was a poet .The fam i ly he l ived w i th , Herr Henschel and FrauHen schel , and h i s fe l low-boarders , Carl and OttoK raus , and young Ludwig Henschel , and Hedwiga nd Lottchen , adm i red and respected h im because hewas a poet . When he walked w i th Ludwig i n theg reat forests M ichae l chanted his poems , both i i i

Engl i sh and i n German , t i l l Ludwig’s sou l was fu l l

of yea rn i ng and a de l ic ious sorrow , so that Ludwiga c tua l l y shed tea rs i n the forest . He sa id tha t i f hehad not done so he wou ld have bu rst. Ludwig ’s


1 66 . The T ree of Heaven

months he had been compel led to waste i n Bavar iawhen every m i nute had an i ncomparab l e va lu e ;worry i ng

,i r r i tat i ng thoughts of the scenes he wou ld

have to have w ith h i s father , who must be mad e tou nderstand

,once for al l , tha t i n fu tu re he meant to

have eve ry m i nu te of h is own l i fe for h i s own work .

He wondered how on ea rth he was to make h is peoplesee that h i s work j u st ified h is giv i ng eve ry m i nute toi t . He had asked R évei llaud to ive h im a lette rthat he cou ld show to h i s fathe r . e was angry w i t hh i s fathe r be forehand , he was so ce rta i n that hewou ldn ’ t see .

He had othe r thoughts now . Thou hts of ana lmond t ree flower i ng i n a wh i te town ; 0 p ink b lossoms

,frag i le

,w i thou t leaves , cast i ng a th i n shadow

on wh i te stone ; the smel l of almond flowers and thest i ng of wh i te dust i n an east w i nd ; a dri f t of wh itedust aga i n st the wal l .Thoughts of p i ne trees fal l i ng i n the forest , glad

to fal l . He thought"“ The p i ne forest makes i tsel fa '

sea for the land w i nd , and the ou ng p i ne t reei s mad for the open sea . She ives er sl ender t ru nkw i th pass ion to the axe ; fo r s e th i nks that she w i l lbe st r i pped naked , and that she w i l l be p lan ted i n thesh i p ’ s hold , and that she w i l l ca rry the great ma i nsa i l . She th i nks that she w i l l rock and st ra i n i n thegr i p of the sea-w i nd , and that she w i l l be wh itenedw ith the sal t and the foam of the sea .

She does not know that she w i l l be sawn i ntoplanks and made i n to a coffin for the w i fe of thesexton and grave-digger of Aschaffenbu rg .

”

Thoughts of Veron ica i n he r i n c red ib le mat u r i ty,

and of her eyes,sh i n i ng i n he r dead wh i te face

,fa r

back th rough deep c rysta l , and of the sen se he gotof he r sou l po ised

,steady and st i l l , with w i ngs

v ib rat i ng .

0

He wonde red where i t wou ld come down .

The Vortex 1 67

He thought,Of cou rse , Veron ica

’ s sou l w i l lcome down l i ke a wi ld p igeon i n to the ash-t ree i nour garden , and she wi l l th i n k that ou r ash-t ree i sa t ree of Heaven .

”

Presen t ly he roused h imsel f to tal k to her .How i s you r s i ng i ng get t i ng on , Ronny ?My s ing i ng vo ice has gone .

”

I t ’ l l come back aga i n .

”

Not u n lessBu t he cou ldn ’ t make her tel l h im what wou ld

b r i ng i t back .

When M ichael came to h is fathe r and mothe r tohave i t ou t w i th them h i s face had a hard , stubbornlook . He was ready to figh t them . He was so

certa i n that he wou l d have to fight . He had shownthem Ju les Révei llaud ’

s l e tte r .He sa id , Look here , we

’ve got to get i t st ra igh t .I t i sn ’ t any use go i ng on l i ke th i s . I ’m afra id Iwasn ’ t very honest abou t Germany .

”

Weren ’ t you ? sa id Anthony . Let me see ,

I th i n k you sa id you’d take i t on you r way to Ch i na

and Japan .

”

D id I ? I t r i ed to be tstra ight abou t i t . I

though t I was g iv i ng i t a fa i r chance . Bu t that wasbefore I had seen R évei llaud .

”

Wel l ,” sa id Anthony , now that you have seen

h im , what i s i t exact ly that you wan t to do ? ”

M ichael told h im .

You can make i t easy for me . Or you can makei t hard . Bu t you can ’ t stop me .

”

What makes you th i nk I wan t to stop youWel l—you wan t me to go i n to the bus i ness ,

though I told you years ago the re was on ly one th i ngI shou ld ever be any good at . And I see you r poi n t .I can

’

t ea rn mv l iv i ng at i t . That ’s where I ’m had.


St i l l,I th i nk Lawrence Stephen wi l l g ive me work ,

and I can rub along somehow .

\V ithou t my be"you meanWe l l

,yes . hy shou ld you hel p me ?

You ’

ve wasted tons of money on me as i t i s . N icky '

s

ea rn i ng h is own l i v i ng , a nd he'

s got a wi fe (on .

not me ? ”

Because you can’ t do i t , M ichael ;

I can . I don ’ t m i nd rough ing i t . I cou ldl i ve on a hundred a y ea r—p r less

,i f I don ’ t

ma rry .

”

“Wel l , I don’ t mean you to t ry . You need n ’ t

bothe r about what you can l ive on a nd what you can’ t

l i ve on . I t was a ll sett led last n ight . You r mothe ra nd I ta l ked i t ove r . \V e don ’ t wa n t you to go i n tothe bus i ness . \V e don ’ t wa n t you to take work fromMr. Stephen . XV e wan t you to be absol ute ly freeto do you r own work , u nder the best poss ib le cond it ion s , whethe r i t pays or not . Noth i ng i n the worldmatte rs to us bu t you r happ i ness . You ’ re to have a

hu ndred and fi f ty a yea r whe n you ’ re l i v i ng at homea nd two hundred and fi fty when you ’ re l i v i ng ab road .

I su ppose you ’ l l wan t to go ab road somet ime s . I

can ’ t g i ve you a b igge r al l owance , because I have to

hel p N ickyM ichae l covered h is face w ith h i s hands .“ Oh— don ’ t , Daddy . You do make me fee l a

rotte n beast . ”

\V e shou ld fee l rottene r beasts , sa i d Frances ,i f we stood i n you r way .

”

“ Then , sa id M i chae l (he was st i l l i nc redu lous),y ou do care ?

“ Of cou rse we care , sa id Anthony .

I don ’ t mean for me—fo r i t?My dear M ick ,

” sa id Frances , we ca re for I ta lmost as much as we care for you . We ’ re sorryabou t Germany though . Germany was one of you rfathe r ’s bad jokes .

”

Germany—a joke ?

(

J0


IT was five weeks s i nce N icholas’

s wedd i ng-dayand Desmond had quarre l led w i th h im th ree t imes .F i rst

,because he had taken a flat i n Aubrey Walk ,

w ith a stud io i ns ide i t , i n stead of a house i n Campd enH i l l S quare w i th a stud io ou ts i de i t i n the garden .

Then , because he had refused to go i n to h is

father ’ s bus i ness .Last of al l , because of Capta i n Drayton and the

Mov i ng Fort ress .N icky had sa id that h i s father , who was pay ing

h i s ren t , cou ldn’ t affo rd the house w i th the stud io i n

the garden ; and Desmond sa id N icky’s father cou ld

afford i t perfect ly wel l i f he l i ked . He sa id he hadrefused to go i n to h is father

’s bus i ness for reasonswh ich d idn ’ t concern her . Desmond po i n ted ou t thatthe consequences of h i s re fusa l were l i ke ly to conce rnhe r ve ry much i ndeed . As for Capta i n D raytonand the Mov i ng Fort ress , nobody but a supreme id iotwou ld have done what N icky d id .

Bu t N icky absol u tely refused to d i scuss what hehad done . Nobody but a cad and a rot te r wou ld havedone anyth i ng else .

I n the matte r of the Mov i ng Fort ress , wh at hadhappened was th is .The last of the drawi ngs was not fin i shed u n t i l

Desmond had sett l ed down i n the flat i n AubreyWalk . You cou ldn ’ t h u rry Desmond . N ickyhadn ’ t even wa i ted to s ign h i s name i n the marg i n sbefore he had packed the plans i n h is d ispatch-boxand taken them to the works

, and thence , h iddenu nder a p i l e of Morss est imates

,to E l tham . He

1 70

The Vortex 1 7 1

cou ldn ’ t rest t i l l he had shown them to Frank Drayton . He could hardly wa i t t i l l they had d i ned , andt i l l D rayton

,who though t he was on the t rack of

a new and horr ib le exp los ive , had told h im as muchas he cou ld abou t i t .N icky gave h i s whole m i nd to Drayton

’

s newexp los ive i n the hope that

,when h is tu rn came ,

Drayton wou ld do as much for h im .

“You know ,

he sa id at last , the old idea of the

forteresse mobile ?

He cou ldn ’

t te l l whethe r Dray ton was goi ng tobe i n te rested or not . He rather though t he wasn ’ t .

I t hasn ’ t come to anyth i ng , has i t ?Drayton sm i led and h is eyes gl i t te red . He knew

what that exc i ted gleam i n Drayton’

s eyes mean t .No ,

” he sa id . Not yet .And N icky had an awfu l p remon i t ion of h i s

doom .

“ Wel l,he sa id , I bel ieve there ’s someth i ng

So do I , N icky .

Drayton wen t on . I be l ieve there ’s so much i ni t that Look here , I don

’ t k now what pu t i t i n toyou r head , and I

’m not ask i ng , bu t that idea’s a dead

secre t . For God ’s sake don ’ t tal k abou t i t . Youmustn ’ t b reathe i t , or i t

’ l l ge t i n to the a ir. And i fi t does my five years ’ work goes for noth i ng . Bes ides

,

we don ’ t wan t Germany to col lar i t . ”

And then" Don ’ t look so scared , old chap . Iwas go i ng to te l l you abou t i t when I ’d got the plan sdrawn .

”

He told h im abou t i t then and there .

“ Low on the g rou nd l i ke a rac i ng-carYes ,

” sa id N icky .

R eyolv ing tu rret for the guns—no h igher than

Yes , sa id N icky .

Sort of a rmou red tra i n . On ly i t mustn ’ t run on


ra i l s . I t ’s got to go everywhere , th rough anyth i ng ,ove r any th i ng

,i f i t goes at a l l . I t must tu rn i n i ts

own l ength . I t must wade and bu rrow and c l imb ,N icky . I t must have cate rp i l la r wheels

“ By Jove, of cou rse i t must ,

” sa id N icky , as i fthe i dea had struck h im for the fi rst t ime .

“What have you got there ? sa id Draytonfinal ly , as N icky rose and p icked up h is d ispatchbox . Anyth i ng i n te rest i ng ?

No,sa id N icky . Most ly est imates .

For a long t ime afte rwards he loathed the fie ldsbetween E l tham and K idb rooke , and the M id-K e n tl i ne , and Char i ng C ross Stat ion . He fe l t as a manfeel s when the woman he loves goes from h im toanothe r m an . H is I dea had gone from h im toD rayton .

And that , he sa id to h imse l f , was j ust l i ke h isl uck , j ust l i ke the j ol ly sel l s that happened to h imwhen he was a k id .

To be su re , there was such a th i ng as shar i ng .

He had on ly to p roduce h is p lans and h is fin ishedmodel , and he and Drayton wou ld go partners i nthe Mov i ng Fort ress . There was no reason why heshou ldn ’ t do i t . Drayton had not even d rawn h i sp lan s yet ; he hadn

’ t though t out the mechan i ca ldeta i l s .He thought , I cou ld go back and tel l h im .

But he d id not go back . He knew that he wou ldnever te l l h im . I f D rayton asked h im to hel p h imw i th the deta i l s he wou ld work them out al l over aga i nw i th h im ; bu t he wou l d neve r show h i s own fin i shedp lans or h is own model .He d idn ’ t know whether i t had been hard or easy

for h im to g ive up the Mov i ng Fortress . He d id i ti nst i nct ively . There was—un less he had chosen tobe a b lackguard—noth i ng e lse for h im to do .

Bes ides , the Mov i ng Fortress wasn’ t h is i dea .

Drayton had had i t fi rst . Anybody m igh t have had i t .He hadn ’ t spoken of i t fi rst ; bu t tha t was noth i ng .



He never answered her . He sa id toh imsel f thatDesmond was hyste r ica l and had a morb id fancy .

Bu t i t d i dn ’ t end there .

He had taken the draw i ngs and the box that hadthe mode l of the Mov i ng Fort ress i n it and bu r iedthem i n the locker u nde r the b ig north w i ndow i nDesmond ’s stud io .

And there,th ree weeks late r , Desmond fou nd

them . And she packed the model of the Mov i ngFort ress and marked i t Urgen t

,w ith Care ,

” andsen t i t to the W a r O ffice w i th a l ette r . She packedthe draw i ngs i n a portfol io—hav i ng s igned her ownand N icky ’s name on the marg i n s—and sen t themto

‘

Cap ta in D ray ton w i th a let te r . She sa id she hadno doub t she was doi ng an immora l th i ng ; bu t shed i d i t i n fa i rness to Capta i n D rayton , for she wassu re he wou ld not l i ke N i cky to make so great asacr ifice . N icky , she sa id , was wrapped up. i n h isMov i ng Fort ress . I t was h i s sweetheart , h is baby .

He w i l l never forg ive me,

”she sa id , as long as

he l ives . But I s imply had to le t you know . I tmeans so much to h im .

For she thought,Because N icky ’s a fool , I

needn ’ t be one .

”

Drayton came over the same even i ng afte r he hadgot the l ette r . He shou ted w ith laughte r .

N icky ,” he sa id ,

“ you fi l thy rotte r,why on

earth d idn ’ t you tel l me ? I t was Nicky isho f you . What i f I did th i n k of i t fi rs t ? Ishou ld have had to come to you for the deta i l s . I twou ld have been jol ly to have worked i t ou ttogethe r . Not a b i t of i t"You r w i fe ’ sabsol u tely r i ght . Good th i ng

,after al l , you marr ied

her .By the way , she says there

’s a mode l . I wan tto see that model . Have you got i t here ?N icky went u p i n to the stud io to look for i t . He

The Vortex 1 75

cou ld n ’

t find i t i n the locke r where he’

d left i t .Wherever i s the damned th i ng ? ” he sa id .

The damned th i ng ,” sa id Desmond , i s where

you shou ld have sen t i t fi rst of al l—at the War O ffice .

You ’ re cl eve r,N icky

,bu t you ’ re not qu i te c leve r

enough .

”

“ I ’m afra id,he sa id

, you’ve bee n a b i t too

c leve r,th i s t ime .

Drayton agreed w i th h im . I t was , he sa id , abou tthe worst th i ng that cou ld poss ib ly have happened .

She shou ldn ’ t have done that , N icky . What onearth cou ld have made he r do i t ?

Don ’ t ask me,

” sa id N icky , what makes he rdo th i ngs .

I t looks,Drayton med i tated , as i f she d idn ’

t

t rust me . I ’m afra id she ’s d ished us . God knowswhethe r we can ever get i t back"Desmond had a fi t of hyster ics when she real ised

how cleve r she had been .

Desmond ’s baby was born late i n November ofthat year , and i t d ied when i t was two weeks o ld . I twas as i f she had not wanted i t enough to g ive i t l i fefor long outs ide her body .

For though Desmond had been determ i ned to havea ch i ld

,and had declared that she had a perfec t r ight

to have one i f she chose , she d id not care for i t wheni t came . And when i t d ied N icky was sorr ie r thanDesmond .

He had not wanted to be a father to HeadleyR ichards

’

s ch i ld . And yet i t was the baby,and

noth i ng bu t the baby , that had let h im i n for marry i ngDesmond . So that , when i t d ied , he fel t that somehow th ings had tr i cked and sold h im . As they tu rnedout , he need not have marr ied Desmond

,afte r al l .

She hersel f had po i nted out the ext reme fu t i l i tyof h is behav iou r , l est he shou ld m iss the pecu l ia r i ronyo f i t . For when her fr igh t and the cause of her fr igh t


were gone Desmond resen ted N icky ’s hav i ng marr iedher . She d idn ’ t rea l ly wan t anybody to marry her ,and nobody bu t N icky wou ld have dreamed of

do i ng i t .She lay weak and pathet i c i n he r bed for abou t

a fortn ight ; and for a l i t t l e wh i le afterwards she wasconten t to l i e st retched out among her cush ions onthe stud io floor

,wh i le N icky wa i ted on her . But ,

when she got wel l and came downsta i rs for good ,N icky saw that Desmond ’s weakness and pathos hadcome wi th the baby and had gone w i th i t . The realDesmond was not weak , she was not pathet i c . Shewas st rong and hard and clever w i th a b ru ta l c leve rn ess . She d idn ’ t care how much he saw . He cou ldsee to the bottom of he r natu re , i f he l i ked , and fee lhow hard i t was . She had no more i n te rest i ndece iv i ng h im .

She had no more i nterest i n h im at a l l .She was i n te rested i n her pa i n t i ng aga i n . She

worked i n long fi ts , afte r long i n te rval s of i d leness .She worked wi th a hard , pass ion less e ffic i ency . Nickythought her pa i n t i ngs were h ideous and repu ls ive ;bu t he d id not say so . He was not aware o f theexten t to wh ich Desmond im i tated her master , AlfredO rde-Jones . He knew noth i ng abou t pa i n t i ng andhe had got used to the th i ngs . He had got u sedto Desmond , slouch i ng abou t the flat , i n her slop i ng ,s loven ly grace , dressed i n he r quee r square j acketand stra ight short sk i rt , show i ng her long , del i cateank les , and slender feet i n the i r grey stock ings andb lack sl ippers .He was used to Desmond when she was lazy ;

when she sat hunched up on her cush ion s and smokedone c igarette afte r anothe r w i thou t a word

,and

watched h im su l len ly . Her long,sl ippered feet

,thrust

out, poi n ted at h im , watch i ng . Her long facewatched h im between the sleek bands of hai r and theb ig b lack bosses p la i ted over he r ears .The beau ty of Desmond ’s face had gone to sleep



Al l th rough the w i n ter of n i neteen -e leve n and thesp ri ng of n i neteen - twelve they worked at i t togethe r .They owned that they were thus gett i ng bet ter resu l tsthan e i the r of them cou ld have got alone . There wereimposs ib i l i t ies abou t N icky ’ s model that a gunnerwou ld have seen at once

,and there were fau l ts i n

Drayton’

s plans that a n eng i nee r wou ld not havemade . N icky cou ldn ’ t draw the p lans and Draytoncou ldn ’ t b u i l d the mode ls . They sa id i t was fi ftyt imes bette r fu n to work at i t together .N icky was happy .

Desmond watched them somb rely . She andAl fred Orde-Jones

,the pa i n te r , l aughed at them be

h i nd the i r backs . She sa id,

“ How fu nny they are"Frank wou ldn ’ t hu rt a fly and N i cky wou ldn ’ t sayBo"to a goose i f he thought i t wou ld fr ighten thegoose , and yet they

’ re on ly happy when they’ re

i nven t i ng some horr ib le mach i ne that ’ l l k i l l thousand s of peop le who never d id them any harm .

He sa id,

“ That ’ s because they haven ’ t any imagi nat i on .

”

N icky got up early and wen t to bed late to worka t the Movi ng Fort ress . The t ime between had tobe g iven to the Works . The Company had pa id h imfa i r ly wel l for a l l h i s paten ts i n the hope of gett i n gmore of h is ideas , and when they found that no ideaswere forthcom ing they took i t out of h im i n labou r .He was too busy and too happy to not ice whatDesmond was do i ng .

One day Vera sa id to h im ,Nicky , do you know

that Desmond i s go i ng abou t a good deal w i th Al fredOrde-JonesI s she ? I s there any reason why she shou ld n ’ t ?Not u n less you ca l l O rde-Jones a reason .

”

You mean I ’ve got to stop i t ? How can I ?You can ’ t . Noth i ng can stop Desmond .

What do you th i nk I ough t to do abou t i t ?

The Vortex 1 79

Noth i ng . She goes abou t w i th scores of peop le .

I t doesn ’ t fo l low that there ’s anyth ingi n i t .

”

“ Oh,Lord

,I shou ld hope not That beast ly

bou nde r . What cou ld there be i n i t ?He

’

s a cleve r pai n te r , N icky . So’

s Desmond .

There ’ s that i n i t .”

I’

ve hard ly a r igh t to objec t to that , have I ?I t ’s not as i f I were a cleve r pa in te r mysel f .But as he walked home between the wh i te-wal led

gardens of St . John ’s Wood , and th rough Regen t’

sPark

,and Bake r S t ree t and down the north s ide of

Hyde Park and K ens i ngton Gardens , be worr iedthe th i ng to sh reds .

There cou ldn ’ t be anyth ing i n i t .He cou ld see Alfred Orde-Jones— the rak i ng

swagge r of the tal l , lean body i n the loose t rousers ,the s louch hat and the flow i ng t ie . He cou ld see h i sflow ing b lack ha i r

,and h i s haggard , eccen t r i c face

w i th i ts seven fan tast i c accen ts , the b lack eyeb rows ,the b lack moustache , the h igh , close-cl i pped s idewh i skers

,the two forks of the b lack beard .

There cou ldn ’

t be anyth i ng i n i t .Orde-Jones ’ s mouth was fu l l of rotten teeth .

And ye t he never came home rather late r thanusua l w i thou t sayi ng to h imse l f

,

“ Suppos i ng I wasto find h im there w i th her ? ”

He left off com i ng home late so that he shou ldn ’ thave to ask h imsel f that quest ion .

He wondered what—if i t rea l ly d id happen— he

wou ld do . He wondered what other men d id . I tn eve r occu rred to h im that at twen ty- two he wasyoung to be cons ider i ng th i s p rob lem .

He rehearsed scenes that were on ly less fahtasticthan Orde-Jones ’s face and figu re , or that owedthe i r e lemen t of fantasy to Orde-Jones ’s face andfigu re . He saw h imsel f assau l t i ng Orde-Jones w i thv iolence , dragging h im out of Desmond

’s stud io,and

th rowi ng h im downsta i rs . He wondered what shapesthat body and those legs and arms wou ld take when


they got to the bottom . Perhaps they wou ldn’

t getto the bottom a l l a t once . He wou ld hang on to theban i ste rs . He saw h imse l f s imply open i ng the doorof the stud io and order i ng Orde-Jones to walk ou t ofi t . Rea l ly

,there wou l d be noth i ng el se for h im to

do bu t to walk out, and he wou ld look an awfu l assdoi ng i t . He saw h imse l f stand i ng i n the room andlook i ng at them

,and say i ng

,I ’ve no i n ten t ion of

i n te rrupt i ng you .

” Perhaps Desmond wou ld answer ,You ’ re not i n te rrupt i ng us . We ’ve fin i shed al l wehad to say .

” And he wou ld walk out and leave themthere . Not ca r i ng .

He wondered i f he would look an awfu l assdo i ng i t .I n the end , when i t came , he hadn

’ t to do any of

these th i ngs . I t happened very qu iet ly and s imply ,early on a Su nday even i ng af te r he had got back fromE l tham . He had d ined w i th Drayton and h is peop leon Satu rday , and stayed , fo r once , overn ight , r i ski ng i t .Desmond was s i tt i ng on a cush ion

,on the floo r

,

w i th he r th i n l egs i n the i r grey stock i ngs s lan t i ngout i n fron t of her . She propped her ch i n on herhands . Her th i n

,l ong face

,between the great b lack

ear-bosses , looked at h im thoughtfu l ly,w i thou t

rancou r .“ N icky , she sa id

,Alfred Orde-Jones slep t w i th

me last n ight .And he sa id , s imply and qu iet ly , Very wel l ,

Desmond ; then I shal l leave you . You can keepthe flat , and I or my fathe r wi l l make you ana l lowance . I shan ’ t d ivorce you ,

bu t I won ’ t l i vew i th you .

W hy won’ t you d ivorce me she sa id .

d'

Because I don ’ t wan t to drag you th rough thei rt .

She laughed qu ietl y . Dear N icky , she sa id ,how sweet and l i ke you Bu t don ’ t le t ’s have anymore ch ival rous i d iocy . I don ’ t wan t i t . I never



whethe r i t was deep i ns ide , the most real part of h im .

Whateve r happened or d idn ’ t happen,i t wou ld go on .

How cou ld he have ended here, w ith poor l i t t leDesmond ? There was someth i ng ahead of h im ,

someth i ng that he fe l t to be t remendou s and holy .

He had a lways known i t wa i ted for h im . He wasgoi ng out to meet i t ; and because of i t he d idn

’ t care .

And afte r a yea r of Desmond he was glad to goback to h i s father ’ s house ; even though he knew thatthe th i ng tha t wa i ted for h im was not there .Frances a nd Anthony were happy aga i n . Afte r

a l l,Heaven had man ipu lated the i r happ iness w i th

exqu is i te a rt and w isdom , l ett i ng M ichae l andN icholas go from them for a l i tt l e wh i l e that theym igh t have them aga i n more completely , and teach ingthem the art and wi sd om that wou ld keep them .

Some day the ch i ldren wou ld marry ; even N ickym igh t marry aga i n . They wou ld prepare now , bysmal l da i ly se l f-den ia l s , for the b ig renu nc ia t ion thatmust comeYe t i n sec ret they though t that M ichae l wou ld

neve r marry ; that N icky , made pruden t by d isaste r ,wasn ’ t real l y l i ke ly to marry aga i n . John wou ldmarry ; and ~ they wou ld be happy i n John

’s happ i nessand i n Joh n ’s ch i ldren .

And N icky had not been home before he offe redto h i s paren ts the spectacl e of an out rageous ga ie ty .

You wou ld have sa id that l i fe to N icholas was anamus i ng game where you m ight w i n or lose , but e i the rway i t d idn ’ t matte r . I t was a rag , a se l l . Even thep roceed i ngs , the i nvolved and r id icu lou s p roceed i ngsof h i s d ivorce

,amused h im .

I t was u nden iab ly fu n ny that he shou l d be supposed to have deserted Desmond .

Frances wondered , aga in , whethe r N icky rea l lyhad any fee l i ngs , and whethe r th i ngs real l y made anyimpress ion on h im .

IT was a quarte r-past five on a fine morn i ng , ear lyi n Ju ly . On the stroke of the quarte r Capta i n FrankDrayton

’

s motor-car , afte r exceed i ng the speed l im i ta long the forlorn h ighway of the Caledon ian Road ,drew up outs ide the ma i n en trance of Hol loway Gaol .Capta i n Frank Drayton was alone i n h is motor-car.

He had the st reet al l to h imsel f t i l l twen ty pastfive

,when he was jo ined by anothe r motor is t , also

consp icuously a lone i n h i s car . Drayton t r ied hardto look as i f the other man were not there .

The othe r man tr ied even harder to l ook as i f hewere not there h imse l f . He was the fi rst to be awareof the absu rd i ty of the i r compet i t ive p re tences . Helooked at h i s watch and spoke .

“ I hope they ’ l l be punctua l w i th those doors . Iwas up at fou r o ’clock .

I , sa id D rayton , was up at th ree .

“ I ’m wai t i ng for my wi fe,

” sa id the othe r man .

I am not, sa id Drayton , and fel t that he hadscored .

The othe r man ’s sm i le a l lowed him the po i n t hemade .

“Yes , but my w i fe happens to be Lady Vi ctor iaTh rel fal l .The othe r man laughed as i f he had made by far

the better joke .

Drayton recogn ised M r . August i n Threl fal l,tha t

Cab i ne t M i n iste r made notor ious by h is encou ntersw i th the Women ’s Franch i se Un ion . Last year M issMaud Blackadder had stalked h im i n the GreenPark and lamed h im by a b low from he r hun t i n g

183


c rop . Th i s year h i s w i fe,Lady Victor i a Threl

fa l l , had head ed the J une ra i d on the House ofCommons .And here he was

,a t twen ty m inu tes past five i n

the morn i ng,wa i t ing to take her out of pr i son .

And here was Drayton , wa i t i ng for Dorothea , whowas not h i s w i fe yet .

“ Anyhow,

” sa id the Cab i ne t M i n i ste r,we ’ve

done them out of the i r Process ion .

“What Process ion ?Al l that D rayton knew abou t i t was that , l ate

l ast n igh t , a fr ien d he had i n the Home Office hadtelephoned to h im that the hou r of M iss DorotheaHarr i son ’s rel ease wou ld be fiv e-th i rty

,not s ix-th i rty

as the papers had i t .The Process ion , sa id the Cab ine t M i n i ste r?

that was to have met ’em at s ix-th i rty . A Caro f Victory for Mrs . B lathwa ite , and a bodyguard ofth i rteen you ng women on th i rteen wh i te horses .

' Theg i rl who smashed my knee-cap i s to be Joan of Are

and r i de at the head of’em . I n a rmou r . Fact .

There ’s to be a banquet for ’em at the Imper ial a tn i ne . We can ’ t st0p tha t. And they ’ l l p rocessdown the Embankmen t and down Pal l Mal l andP i ccad i l ly a t e leven ; bu t they won t p rocess here .

We ’ve let ’em out an hou r too soon .

A pol iceman came f rom the p r ison -yard . Heblew a wh i st le . Fou r tax i-cabs crep t rou nd the corne rfu rt i ve ly

,dr iven by v i s ib ly h i l ar iou s chau ffeu rs .

“ The t r i umphal p rocess ion from Hol loway ,” sa id

the Cab i ne t M i n i ste r ,“ i s you and me , s i r , and those

tax i-cabs .”

On the othe r s ide of the gates a woman laughed .

Thed re leased pr i soners were com ing down the pr i sonyarThe Cab i ne t M in i ste r cranked up h i s eng i ne w i th

an u nctuous glee . He was boy ish ly happy becau sehe and the Home Secretary had done them out ofthe Car o f Victory and the th i rteen wh i te horses .



That won ’ t take th ree and a hal f hours . I t’

s aheaven ly morn i ng . Can ’ t we do someth i ng wi th i t ? ”

“What would you l i ke to do ?”

“ I ’d l i ke to stop a t the nearest coffee-stal l . I’

mhungry . Then Are you f r i ghtfu l ly s leepy ?

”

“ Me ? Oh , Lord , no .

”

Then let ’ s go off somewhere i n to the cou n try .

They went .

They pu l led up i n a green lane near Totte r i dgeto fin i sh the bu ns they had brough t w i th them fromthe coffee-stal l .

“ D id you eve r smel l a nyth i ng l i ke th i s lane D idyou ever eat anyth i ng l i ke these buns D id you eve rd ri n k anyth i ng l i ke that d iv i ne coffee ? I f ep icu reshad any imagi nat ion they ’d go out and obstruc tpol icemen and get pu t i n p r i son for the sake of thesensat ions they ’d have afterwards .

“ That rem i nds me,

” he sa id , that I wan t to ta l kto you . No—bu t se r iously .

”

“ I don ’ t m i nd how ser iously you tal k i f I may goon eat i ng .

“ That ’s what I b rought the buns for . So that Imayn ’ t be i n te rrupted . F i rst of al l I wan t to te l l youthat you haven

’ t taken me i n . Other peopl e may beimp ressed wi th th i s Hol loway bus i ness , bu t not me .

I ’m not moved , or touched , or even i n te rested .

”

“ St i l l ,”she murmu red ,

“ you d id get up at th reeo ’clock i n the morn i ng .

”

“I f you th i n k I got up at th ree o ’clock i n the

morn i ng to show my sympathy,you ’ re m istaken .

“Sympathy ? I don ’ t need you r sympathy . I t

was worth i t , Frank . There i sn ’ t a nyth ing on earthl i ke com ing ou t of p r i son . Unless i t i s goi ng i n .

”

“That won ’ t work , Dorothy , when I know why

{you wen t i n . I t wasn ’ t to p rove you r p r i n c ip les .

our pr inc iples were aga i nst that sort of th i ng . I twasn

’

t to get votes for women . You know as wel l

The Vortex 1 87

as I do that you ’ l l neve r ge t them that way . I t wasn’

tto annoy M r . Asqu i th . You knew M r . Asqu i thwa i ldn

’

t care a hang . I t was to annoy me .I wonder

,

”she sa i d dream i ly ,

“ i f I shal l ev erbe ab le to stop eat i ng ? ”

“You can ’ t take me i n . I know too much abou t

i t . You sa id you were go ing to keep out o f rows .You weren ’ t go i ng on that deputat ion becau se i tmean t a row . You wen t because I asked you notto go .

“ I d id ; and I shou ld go aga i n to-morrow for thesame reason .

”

“ Bu t i t i sn ’ t a reason . I t’

s not as i f I ’d askedyou to go agai nst you r consc ience . You r consc ie ncehadn ’ t anyth i ng to do wi th i t .”

“ Oh,hadn ’ t i t"I wen t because you ’d no r i gh t

to ask me not to .

”

“ I f I ’d had the r igh t you ’d have gone j ust thesame .

“What do you mean by the r igh t ?You know perfect ly we l l what I mean .

Of cou rse I do . You mean , and you mean t thati f I ’d marr ied you you ’d have had the r ight

,not j us t

to ask me not to,bu t to preven t me . That was what

I was out aga inst . I ’d be ou t aga i nst i t to-morrowand the next day , and for as long as you keep up thatatt i tude .

”

“ And yet— you sa id you loved me .

So I d id . So I do . But I ’m ou t aga i n st tha t

Good Lord , aga i nst what ?Aga i nst you r exp lo i t i ng my love for you r

pu rposes .

”

My poor , d ear ch i ld , what do you suppose Iwan ted ?She had reached the ut termost l imi t of absu rd i ty

,

a nd i n that moment she became to h im hel pless andpathet i c .

“

I knew there was goi ng to be the most i n fe rnal


row,and I wanted to keep you out of i t . Look here ,

you ’d have thought m e a rotte r i f I hadn ’ t , wou ldn’

ton ?y

“ Of cou rse you wou ld . And there ’s anothe rth i ng . You weren ’ t stra igh t abou t i t . You neve rtold me you were go i ng .

”

I neve r tol d you I wasn’ t .”

I don ’ t ca re,Dorothy ; you weren

’ t st ra igh t .You ough t to have tol d me .

”

“How cou ld I te l l you when I knew you’

don ly go t ry i ng to stop me and gett i ng you rsel fa rrested ?

“Not me . They wou ldn ’ t have touched me .

How was I to know that ? I f they had I shou ldhave d i shed you . And I ’d have stayed away rathe rthan do that . I d idn ’ t te l l M ichael , or N icky , orFathe r for the same reason .

You ’d have stayed at home rathe r than haved i shed me ? Do you rea l ly mean that ?

“ Of cou rse I mean i t . And I mean t i t . I t’

s

you ,”she sa id , who don

’ t care .

”

“ How do you make that out ?He real l y wanted to know . He real ly wanted , i f

i t were poss ib le , to u nderstand her .“ I make i t out th i s way . Here have I been

th rough the adven tu re and the experi ence of my l i fe .

I was i n the th ick of the b ig ra id ; I was fou r weeksshu t up i n a pr i son cel l ; and you don

’ t ca re ; you’ re

not i n te rested . You never sa id to you rsel f , D orothywas i n the b ig ra id , I wonde r what happened to heror Dorothy ’s i n p r ison , I wonder how she

’s feeli ng You d idn ’ t care ; you weren

’ t i n te rested .

I f i t had happened to you ,I cou ldn ’ t have

though t o f anyth i ng e l se , I cou ldn’ t have got i t out

of my head . I shou ld have been wonder i ng a l l thet ime what you were feel i ng ; I cou ldn

’ t have restedt i l l I knew . I t wou ld have been as i f I was i n p r isonmyse l f . ‘And now, when I

’ve come out, al l you th i nkof i s how you can rag and score off me .

”


The Tree of Heaven

I cou ld s l i p out when the row began . I swear Id id n ’ t mean to be i n i t . I funked i t far too much .

I d i dn ’ t m ind the pol ice,and I d idn ’ t m ind the crowd .

B ut I fu n ked be i ng w i th the women . When I sawthe i r faces . You wou ld have fu nked i t .

“ And anyhow I don ’ t l i ke do i ng th ings i n abeast ly body . Ugh

“ And then they began mov i ng .

The pol ice t r ied to stop them . And the crowdt r i ed . The crowd began jeer i ng at them . And st i l lthey moved . And the mou nted pol i ce horses gotexc i ted

,and danced abou t and reared a b i t , and the

crowd was i n a fu nk then and barged i n to the women .

That was rather awfu l .“ I cou ld have got away then i f I

’d chosen . Therewas a man c lose to me a l l the t ime who kept mak i ngspaces for me and te l l i ng me to sl ip th rough . I wasj ust go i ng to when a woman fe l l . Somewhere i nthe fron t of the deputat ion where the pol ice wereget t i ng nasty .

“ Then I had to stay . I had to go on w i th them .

I swear I wasn ’ t exc i ted or ca rr i ed away i n the least .Two women nea r me were ye l l i ng a t the pol ice . Ihated them .

‘ Bu t I fe l t I ’d be an u tte r b rute i f Ileft them and got off safe . You see

,i t was an ugly

c rowd , and th i ngs were beg i n n i ng to be jo l lydange rous , and I

’d fu nked i t badly . On ly the fi rs tm i nu te . I t went—the fu nk I mean—when I saw thewoman go down . She fe l l sort of slan t i ng th roughthe crowd ; i t was horr ib le . I cou ldn ’ t have leftthem then any more than I cou ld have left ch i ldreni n a bu rn i ng house .

“ I thought of you .

You thought of me ?Yes . I though t of you —how you have hated

i t . But I d idn ’ t care . I was sort of boosted up abovecar i ng . The funk had al l gone and I was ab-so

lutely happy . Not i nsane ly happy , l i ke some of theothe r women

,but qu ie t ly

,comfily happy .

The Vortex 1 9 1

Afte r a l l,I d idn ’ t do anyth i ng you need have

m inded .

”

“What did you do ? he sa id .

I j ust wen t on and stood st i l l an d refused to goback . I stuck my hands i n my pockets so tha t Ishou ldn ’ t le t ou t a t a pol iceman or anyth i ng (I knew

you wou ldn’ t l i ke tha t). I may have pushed a b i t now

and then w i th my shoulders and my e lbows ; I can’ t

remember . But I d idn ’ t make one sound . I wasperfect ly ladyl i ke and perfec t ly d ign ified .

”

“ I suppose you know you haven ’ t got a hat

I t d id n ’ t come off . I took i t off and th rew i t tothe crowd when the row began . I t doesn ’ t matte rabou t you r ha i r com ing down i f you haven

’ t got a haton , bu t i f you r ha i r

’s down and you r hat ’s bashed i nand al l c rooked you look a perfect id iot .I t wasn ’ t a bad fight

,you know, twen ty-one

women to I don ’ t know how many pol i cemen , andthe fron t ones got r igh t i n to the doorway of St .Stephen ’s . That was where they copped me .

But that i sn ’ t the end of i t .The fight was on ly the fi rs t part of the adven tu re .

The wonderfu l th i ng was what happened afterwards .I n p r i son .

I d idn ’ t th i nk I ’d real ly like pr i son . That wasanother th i ng I fu nked . I ’d heard such aw fu l th i ngsabou t i t , about the d i rt , you know . And there wasn ’ tany d i rt i n my ce l l

,anyhow . And afte r the crowds

o f women , afte r the meet i ngs and speeches , the endless ta lk i ng and the boredom

,tha t ce l l was l i ke

heaven .

“Thank God , i t

’s a lways sol i tary confinemen t.

The Governmen t doesn ’ t know that i f they want tomake pr ison a deterren t they ’ l l shu t us up togethe r

.

You

?won

’

t g ive the Home Secreta ry the t ip,wi l l

ou“

Bu t that i sn’

t what I wan ted to te l l you abou t.

I t was someth i ng b igger,someth i ng t remendous

.


You ’ l l not be l i eve th i s part of i t , bu t I was absol u te lyhappy i n that ce l l . I t was a sort o f deep-down ,u nexc i ted happ i ness . I ’m not a b i t re l ig ious , bu t Iknow how the n u ns fee l i n their ce l l s when they ’veg iven up everyth i ng and shu t themselves up w i thGod . The cel l was l i ke a conven t cel l , you know , asnarrow as that b i t of shadow there i s , and i t had n icewh i tewashed wal ls

,and a p lank bed i n the corne r ,

a nd a wi ndow h igh , h igh up . There ought to havebeen a c ruc ifix on the wal l above the plank-bed , bu tthere wasn ’ t a c ruc ifix . There was on ly a sh i ny b lackB ib le on the cha i r .

“ Real ly,Frank , i f you

’ re to be shu t up for amonth w i th ju st one book , i t had bette r be the B ib le .I sa iah ’s r ipp i ng . I can remember heaps of i t"‘ I nthe hab i tat ion of jacka ls , where they lay , shal l begrass w i th reeds and rushes . And an h ighway shal lbe there . The redeemed shal l wal k there"andthe ransomed of the Lord shal l retu rn wi th s i ng i ngu nto"i on ‘They that wa i t upon the Lordshal l renew the i r strength ; they shal l mount up w i thw ings as eagles ; they shal l run , and not be weary ;they shal l wal k

,and not fa i n t . ’ I u sed to read l ike

anyth i ng ; and I though t of th i ngs . They sort ofcame to me .

“ That ’s what I wan ted to tel l you abou t . Theth i ngs that came to me were so much b igge r than theth i ng I wen t i n for . I cou ld see a l l along we weren ’ tgo i ng to get i t that way . And I knew we weregoi ng to get i t some other way . I don ’ t i n the leastknow how , bu t i t

’ l l be some b ig,t remendous way

that ’ l l make al l th i s fight i ng and fuss i ng seem therottenest game . That was one of the th ings I usedto th i nk about .Then ,

” he sa id , you’ve g iven i t u p ? You ’ re

com i ng ou t of i t ?She looked at h im keen ly . Are those

'

st i l l you rcond i t ion sHe hes i tated one second before he answered



And yet you don’ t see that i t ’s a c r ime to force

me to go .

I see that i t wou ld be a worse c r ime to forceyou to stay i f you mean go i ng .

“What t ime i s i t ? ”

A quarte r to e ight .And I ’ve got to go home and have a bath .

Whatever you do,don ’ t make me o late for that

i n fernal banquet . You are goi ng to d r ive methere ? ”

“ I ’m go i ng to dr i ve you the re , bu t I’

m not go ingi n w i th you .

”

“ Poor darl i ng"D id I ask you to go i n ?He drove he r back to he r father ’s house . She

came ou t of i t bu rn ished and beaut i fu l , dressed i nc lean wh i te l i nen

,w i th the b road red , wh i te and b l ue

t r i colou r of the Women’s Franch i se Un ion slan t i ng

ac ross he r b reast .He drove her to the Banquet of the Pr i sone rs , to

the Imper ia l Hote l, K i ngsway . They wen t i n

s i lence ; for the i r hearts ached too much for speak i ng .

But i n Dorothy ’ s heart,above the ach i ng

,there

was that queer exal tat i on that had susta i ned heri n p r ison .

He left her a t the ent rance of the hotel , whereM ichae l and N icholas wa i ted to rece ive he r .M ichael and N icholas wen t i n w i th her to the

Banquet . They hated i t , bu t they wen t i n .

Veron ica was w ith them . She, too , wore a wh i te

frock , wi th red , wh i te and b lue r ibbons .“Drayton

’

s a b i t of a rotte r ,” M ichael sa i d

,not

to see you th rough .

”

“ How can he when he feel s l i ke that abou t i t ?As i f we d idn ’ t fee l"

Three hundred and th i rty women and twen ty menwa i ted i n the Banquet Hal l to rece ive the p r i soners .The h igh ga l ler ies were festooned w i th the red

,

The Vortex 1 95

wh i te and bl ue of the Women ’s Franch i se Un ion ,and hung w i th flags and blazoned banners . Thes i l k standards and the emb lems of the Women ’s Su ff rage Leagues and Soc iet ies

,Supported by the i r tal l

po les,stood ranged along th ree wal ls . They covered

the sham porphyry w i th gorgeous and hero ic colou rs ,pu rp le and b l ue

, sky-b l ue , and sapph i re b l ue and

roya l b lue,b lack

,wh i te and gold

,v iv id green , pu re

gold,pu re wh i te

, dead-b lack , o range and scar le t andmagenta .

From the h igh tab le u nder the w i ndows st reamedseven dependen t tab les decorated w i th nosegays of

red,wh i te and bl ue flowers . I n the cen tre of the

h igh tab le three arm-cha i rs,d raped wi th the tr i co lou r ,

were set l i ke th ree th rones fo r the th ree leaders .They were flanked by n i ne other cha i rs on ther ight and n i ne on the left for the e ighteen othe rp r isoners .There was a sl igh t rust l i ng sound at the s ide door

lead ing to the h igh tab le . I t was fol lowed by ath icke r and more p rolonged sou nd of rust l i ng as theth ree hu ndred and fi fty tu rned i n the i r p laces .The twen ty-one pr i soners came i n .

A great su rge of wh i te , spotted w i th red and bl ue ,heaved i tse l f up i n the hal l to meet them as the th reehu ndred and fi fty rose to the i r feet .And from the th ree hundred and fi fty there wen t

up a st range , a savage and a p ierc i ng col lect ive sou nd ,where a clea r t i nk l i n g as of glass o r th i n metal

,and

a tear i ng as of s i l k , and a cry ing as of ch i ld ren andof smal l , slende r- th roated an imal s were held togethe rby r i ng ing, v ib rat i ng , overtopp i ng tones as of v iol i n sp lay i ng i n the treb le . And now a woman ’s vo icestarted off on i ts own note and tore the del icate t i ssueof th i s sound w i th a sol i tary scream ; and now a man

’svo ice fi l led u p a pause i n the sh ri l l hu rrah i ng wi tha sol i ta ry boom .

To Dorothea , i n her t r i umphal seat at AngelaB lathwa ite

’

s r igh t hand , to M ichae l and N icholas and


Veron i ca i n the i r p laces among the crowd , that collective sound was fr igh tfu l .From her h igh p lace Dorothea cou ld see M ichae l

and N icholas, one on each s ide of Veron ica , j u st

be low her . At the same tab le , fac i ng them , she sawher th ree aunts

,Lou ie

,Emmel i ne

,and Ed i th .

I t was from Emmel i ne that those lace rat i ngscreams arose .

The b reakfast and the speeches of the p r i sonerswere over . The crowd was on i t s feet aga i n , and thep r i sone rs had r isen i n the i r h i gh p laces .

Out of the th ree'

hundred and seven ty-one , twohundred and seven ty-n i ne women and seven men weres i ng i ng the March i ng Song of the M i l i tan tWomen

Shou lder to shou l der, breast to breast,Our army mov es from east to west .

Fo l low on"Fo l low on"W i th flag and sword from sou th and north

,

The sound ing , sh in ing hosts go forth .

Fo l low on"Fo l low on"Do you not hear our march ing feet

,F rom door to door,from street to street ?

Fo l low on"Fol low on"

Dorothea was fasc i nated and horr ified by the s i ngi ng , sway i ng , exc i ted crowd .

Her three au nts fasc i nated her . They were al ls i ng i ng at the top of the i r vo ices . Aun t Lou ie stoodup stra ight and r ig id . She sang from the back of

he r th roat , th rough a mou th not qu i te su ffic ient lyopen ; she sang w i th a gr im

,hero i c determ i na

t i on to s i ng , whatever i t m ight cost he r and othe rpeop le .

Aunt Ed ie sang i naud ib ly ; her th i n shal low voice ,do i ng i ts u tmost , was overpowered by the col lect ivesong . Aun t Emmel i ne sang sh r i l l and loud ; her



hated i t,and yet they stuck i t out. They wou ldn

’

t goback on her . She and Lady Victor ia Thre l fa l l wereto march on foot before the Car of Victory fromB lackfr iars B r idge along the Embankment , th roughTrafalga r Square and Pal l Mal l and P iccad i l ly to

Hyde Park Corne r . And M ichae l and N icholas wou ldmarch bes ide them to hold up the poles of thestandard wh ich

,afte r al l

,they were not strong enough

to carry .

She thought of Drayton , who had not stuck i t out .And at the same t ime she thought of the th i ngs thathad come to her i n he r p r i son ce l l . She had to ld h imthe most rea l th i ng that had ever happened to her ,and he had not l i stened . He had not cared . M ichaelwould have l i stened . M ichae l wou ld have caredi n tensely .

She thought , I am not come to br i ng peace , bu ta sword .

’ The sword was between her and he rlove r .She had g iven h im up . She had chosen , not

between h im and the Vortex , bu t between h im andhe r v i s ion wh ich was more than e i ther of them

,or

than al l th i s .She looked at Rosal i nd and Maud B lackadder who

sang v iol en t ly i n the hal l be low her . She had chosenfreedom . She had g iven up her lover . She wonderedwhethe r Rosal i nd or the B lackadder gi rl cou ld havedone as much , suppos i ng they had had a cho ice ?Then she l ooked at Veron i ca .

Veron ica w as stand i ng between M ichael andN icholas . She was s lender and beau t i fu l and pu re

,

l i ke some sacr ific ia l v irgi n . Presen t ly she wou ld bemarch i ng i n the process ion . She wou ld carry a th i n

,

tal l pol e , wi th a rou nd ol ive wreath on the top of'

it,and a wh i te dove s i tt i ng i n the r i ng of the ol i vewreath . And she wou ld l ook as i f she was not i n thep rocess ion , bu t i n anothe r p lace .

When Dorothea looked at her she was l i fted upabove the i nsane ecstasy and the tumu l t of the herd

The Vortex 1 99

sou l . Her sou l and the sou l of Veron ica wen t alonei n u tte r freedom .

Fol low on"Fol low on"For Fa i th ’

s our spear and Hope’s our sword ,

And Love ’s our m igh ty battle-lord .

Fo l low on Fo l low on 1

And ustice is our flag un furled ,The am ing flag that sweeps the world .

Fo l low on"Fo l low on"And Freedom"is our batt le-cry ;For F reedom we wi l l fight and d ie.

Fol low on"Fol low on"

The process ion was over a m i le long .

I t st re tched al l a long the Embankmen t from B lackfr iars B r idge to Westm i nste r . The Car of V ictory ,covered w i th the t r ico lou r , and the bodyguard onth i rteen wh i te horses were drawn up bes ide Cleopatra ’s Needle and the Sph i nxes .Before the Car of Victory , from the weste rn

Sph i nx to Northumberland Avenue , were the longreg iments of the Un ions and Soc iet ies and Leagues ,of the t rades and the profess ions and the arts , carryi ng the i r banners

,the pu rp le and the b l ue

,the b lack ,

wh i te and gold,the green

,the orange and scarlet and

magen ta .

Beh i nd the Car of Victory came the e ighteenp r isoners , wi th Lady Victor ia Threl fa l l and Dorotheaat the i r head , under the immense t r i colou r standardthat M ichael and N icholas carr ied for them . Beh i ndthe pr i soners , clos i ng the process ion , was a doub leh

o

ne of you ng gi rl s dressed i n wh i te w i th t r i colou rr ibbons , each carry i ng a pole w i th the o l i ve wreathand dove , symbol i s i ng , wi th the obv iousness of ext reme innocence , the peace that fol lows v ictory . Theywere led by Veron ica .

She d id not know that she had been chosen to leadthem because of he r youth and her process ional

,

The Tree of Heaven

h ierat i c beau ty ; she though t that the Un ion hadbestowed th i s honou r on her because she be longed toDorothea .

From her p lace at the head o f the p rocess ion she

cou ld see the b ig red,wh i te and b lue standard he ld

h igh above Dorothea and Lady Victor ia Th re l fa l l .She knew how they wou ld look ; Lady Victor ia , wh i teand tense

,wou ld go l i ke a sa i n t and a marty r , i n

exal tat ion , hard ly know i ng where she was , or whatshe did ; and Dorothea wou ld go i n p r ide , and i nd isda i n for the p roceed i ngs i n wh ich her honou rforced her to take part ; she wou ld have an awfu lknowledge of what she was do i ng and of where shewas ; she wou ld dr i nk every drop of the dreadfu l cupshe had pou red out for hersel f , hat i ng i t .Last n ight Veron ica had thought that she too

wou ld hate i t ; she thought that she wou ld rathe r d iethan march i n the p rocess i on . Bu t she d id not hatei t , or her part i n i t . The th i n g was too beau t i fu l andtoo b ig to hate , an d he r part i n i t was too l i tt le .

She was not afra id of the p rocess ion , or of the sou lof the p rocess ion . She was not afra id of the th ickcrowd on the pavemen ts , press i ng close r and c loser ,pushed back con t i nual ly by the pol i ce . Her sou lwas by i tse l f . L ike Dorothea ’s sou l i t wen t apartfrom the sou l of the crowd and the sou l of the p rocess ion ; on ly i t was not p roud ; i t was s imp ly happy .

The band had not ye t begun to p lay ; bu t al readyshe heard the mus i c sound i ng i n he r b ra i n ; her feetfe l t the rhythm of the march .

Somewhere on i n f ron t the pol icemen madegestu res of re lease , and the whole p rocess ion beganto move . I t marched to an u nheard mus ic , to therhythm that was i n Ve ron ica ’s b ra i n .

They wen t th rough what were once st reets betweenwal l s of houses , and were now broad lanes betweenth i ck wal l s of people . The v i s ib le aspec t of th i ngswas sl ight ly changed , sl i ght ly d i storted . The housesstood farthe r back beh i nd the wal l s of peop le ; they


The Tree of Heaven

se l f,sang anothe r song . She sang the Marse i l la ise

of He ine and of Schubert .

Dann re i tet me in K a iser woh l uber me in Grab ,V ie l ’ Schwerter k l irren und b l i tz en ;

Dann ste ig’i ch gewaffnet hervor aus me in G rab ,

Den K a 1ser, den K a iser z u schutz en l

The fron t of the process ion l i fted as i t went upTybu rn H i l l .Veron i ca cou ld not see M ichae l and N icholas , bu t

she knew that they were the re . She knew i t by theu nusual stead i ness of the standard that they carr ied .

Far away westwards , i n the m iddle and fron t of thep rocess ion , the pu rpl e a nd the b lue , the gold andwh i te , the green , the scarle t and orange and magen tastandards rocked and staggered ; they ben t forwards ;they were fl ung backwards as the west w i nd tookthem . Bu t the red

,wh ite and blue standard tha t

M ichae l and N icholas carr ied wen t before her,steady

and st ra igh t and h igh .

And Veron i ca fol lowed,carry i ng he r th i n

,ta l l

pol e w i th the ol i ve wreath on the top of i t , and thewh i te dove s i tt i ng i n the r i ng of the wreath . S hewen t w i th the musi c of Schubert and He i ne sou nd ingi n he r sou l .

X VI I

ANOTHER year passed .

Frances was afra i d for M ichael now . M ichae l wasbe i ng drawn i n . Because of h is strange thoughts hewas the one of al l he r ch i ldren who had most h iddenh imsel f f rom her ; who wou ld perhaps h ide h imsel ffrom her to the very end .

N icholas had sett led down . He had left theMorss Company and gone i n to h i s father ’s bus i nessfo r a wh i le , to see whether he cou ld stand i t . John wasgo i ng i nto the bus i ness , too , when he left Oxford .

John was even look i ng forward to h i s partne rsh i p i nwhat he cal led the Pater ’s old t ree-game .” He sa id ,“ You wa i t t i l l I ge t my hand wel l i n . Won ’ t wemake i t r i p"”John was safe . You cou ld depend on h im to keep

ou t of t roub le . He had no gen iu s for adven tu re . Hewou ld never st r i ke out for h imsel f any st range ordangerous l i ne . He had sett led down at Chel tenham ; he had sett led down at Oxford .

And Dorothea had se tt led down .

The Women ’s F ranch ise Un ion was now i n thefu l l wh i r l of its revolu t ion . Unde r ' the i nsp i r i ngleadersh ip of the B la thwa ites i t ran r iot up and downthe coun t ry . I t smashed w i ndows ; i t h u rled s tonegi nger-bee r bott les i n to the motor-cars of Cab inetM i n i ste rs ; i t pou red treac le i n to p i l la r-boxes ; i t invaded the House of Commons by the water-way , i nbarges , from wh ich women , armed w i th megaphones ,demanded the vote from i n famous leg i s lators dr i nk ingtea on the Terrace ; i t wen t up i n bal loon s andshowered down propaganda on the Ci ty ; now and

“then , j ust to show what v iolence i t cou ld accompl i sh

203


i f i t l i ked,i t bu rned down a house or two i n a pu re

and consecrated ecstasy of Fem i n i sm . I t was b r i ngi ng to perfect ion i ts last great tact ica l manoeuv re , themassed ra id fol lowed by the hunge r-st r i ke i n p r ison .

And i t was cons ider i n g se r iously the ve ry pa i n fu l bu tposs ib le necess i ty of i n te rfer i ng w i th B r i t i sh sportsay ,the Eton and Harrow match at Lord ’

s—in somedrast i c and ter r i fy i ng way that wou ld b r i ng the menof England to the i r senses .

And Dorothea ’s sou l had swung away from thesweep of the wh i r lw i nd . I t wou ld neve r suck he r i n .

She worked now i n the o ffice of the Soc ial ReformUn ion

,and wrote reconst ruct ive art i c l es for The New

Commonwea lth on Econom ics and the Marr iageLaws .Frances was not afra id for he r daughte r . She

knew that the revol u t ion was al l i n Dorothea ’s b ra i n .

When she sa i d that M ichae l was be i ng drawni n , she meant that he was be i ng drawn i n to the vortexof revol u t i onary Art . And s i nce Frances con fusedth is movemen t w i th the movements of Phyl l i sDesmond she j udged i t to be te rr ib le . She u nderstood from M ichael that i t was the Vortex , the on lyone that real ly matte red , and the on ly one that wou ldeve r do anyth i ng .

And M ichael was not on ly i n i t , he was i n i t w i thLawrence S tephen .

Though Frances knew now that Lawrence Stephenhad plans for M ichael , she d id not rea l i se that theydepended much more on Michae l h imsel f than onh im . S tephen had sa id that i f M ichae l was goodenough he mean t to help h im . I f h i s poems amou ntedto anyth i ng he wou ld pub l i sh them i n h is R ev iew .

I f any book of M ichael ’s poems amounted to anyth i ng he wou ld g ive a whole art ic l e to that booki n h i s R ev iew . I f M ichael ’s prose shou ld everamount to anyth i ng he wou ld g ive h im regu lar workon the R ev iew .

I n n i neteen-th i rteen M ichae l Harr i son was the



And al l th i s mean t that there was no p lace i nI re land for a man of h i s ta len ts and h i s tempe rament .His enem ies cal led h im an opportu n ist"bu t he wasan opportu n i st gone wrong , abandoned to an obsti

nate ideal i sm , one of those damned and sol i tary sou l sthat on ly the north of I reland p roduces i n perfect ion .

For the Protestan t i sm of Ulste r b reeds rebel s l i ke noothe r rebels on earth , rebel s as st rong and obst i nateand canny as i tse l f . Before he was twen ty-oneS tephen had revo l ted aga i nst the mate r ia l comfortand the Sp i r i tua l ty ran ny of h i s father ’s house .

He was the great-grandson of an imm igran t Lancash ire cot ton sp i n ner sett l ed i n Bel fast . H is weste rnI r i sh b lood was stee led w i th th i s m ixtu re , and b racedand emb i tte red w i th the Scott i sh b lood of Antr imwhere h i s peop le marr ied .

Therefore , i f he had chosen one ca ree r and stuckto i t

,he wou l d hav e been form idab le . But one career

a lone d id not su ffice for h i s i nexhau st ib le energ ies .

As a fishe r of opportu n i t ies he drew w i th too w ide ane t and i n too many waters . He had t r i ed par l iamenta ry po l i t i cs

,and fa i led because no party t rusted

h im,l east of al l h i s own . And yet few men were more

t rustworthy . He tu rned h i s back on the House of

Commons and took to j ou rnal i sm . As a jou rnal i st i cpol i t i c ia n he ran Nat ional i sm for I re land andSoc ial i sm fo r England . Nei ther Nat ional i sts norSoc ial i sts be l ieved i n h im ; yet few men were moreworthy of bel ief . I n l i te ratu re he had d ist i ngu i shedh imse l f as a poet

,a p laywr ight

,a novel i st and an

essay i st . He d id everyth i ng so wel l that he was supposed not to do anyth i ng qu i te we l l enough . Becauseof ‘h is pol i t i cs othe r men of lette rs suspected h i s art i st i cs i nce r i ty ; yet few art i sts were more s i ncere . H is veryd i st i nct ion was unsat i sfy i ng . Withou t any of thequal i t i es that make even a m i nor statesman , he wasso far contam i nated by pol i t i cs as to be spo i led forthe h ighest pu rposes of art ; yet there was no sense i nwh ich he had ach ieved popu lar i ty .

The Vortex 29 7

Everywhere he wen t he was an a l i en‘and sus

pected . Do what he wou ld , he fe l l be tween twocount r ies and two cou rses . I re land had cast h im ou tand England wou ld none of h im . He hatedCathol ic i sm and Protestan t i sm al i ke , and Protestan tsand Ca thol ics al i ke d i sowned h im . To every Chu rchand every sect he was a free-th i nke r , dest i tu te of al lrel ig ion . Yet few men were more rel ig iou s . H isenem ies ca l led h im a tu rner and a tw iste r ; yet on anyone of h is l i nes no man ever steered a st ra ighte rcou rse .

A capacit for tu rn i ng and tw ist i ng m ight havesaved h im . t wou ld at any rate have made h im morei n te l l ig ib le . As i t was , he presen ted to two coun tr i esthe d isconcert i ng spectacle of a many-s ided objectmov i ng w i th v i olence i n a dead stra ight l i ne . Hemoved so fast that to a stat ionary on looke r he wasgone before one angle of h im had been app rehended .

I t was for o the r peopl e to tu rn and tw is t i f any one

of them was to get a complete a l l- rou nd v iewof theamaz ing man .

Bu t taken al l round he passed for a man of hardw i t and susp ic iou s b r i l l iance .

And he be longed to no eneration . I n n i neteenth i rtee n he was not yet orty , too old to coun tamong the young men , and yet too young fo rmen of h i s own age . S o that i n al l I reland anda l l England you cou ld not have found a lonel i e rman .

The same quee r doom pu rsued h im i n the mostp r ivate and sacred relat ions of h is l i fe . To al l i n ten tsand pu rposes he was marr ied to Vera Harr i son , and

yet he was not marr ied . He was ne i ther bou nd norree .Al l th i s had made h im sorrowfu l and b it te r .And to add to h i s sorrowfu lness and b i t te rness

he had someth i ng of the Ce l t ’s Sp i r i tual abhorrenceof the flesh ; and though he loved Vera , afte r h i smanne r , there were moments when Vera

’s ca pac i ty


fo r ever last i ng pass ion left h im t i red and bored andco ld .

Al l h i s l i fe his pass ions had been at the serv i ceof i deas . Al l h i s l i fe he had looked for some grea texper i ence

,some great sat i sfact ion and consumma

t ion ; and he had not fou nd i t .I n n i neteen- th i rteen

,w i th hal f h i s l i fe beh i nd h im ,

the opportun ist was st i l l wa i t i ng for h i s sup remeopportu n i ty .

Meanwh i l e h is e nem ies sa id of h im that hesnatched .

But he d id not snatch . The eyes of h is ideal ismwere fixed too stead i ly on a v is ionary fu tu re . Hemerely t r i ed , w i th a bored and weary gesture , to waylay the pass i ng momen t wh i l e he wa ited . He hadpu t h i s pol i t i ca l fa i l u re beh i nd h im and sai d ,

“ Iw i l l be j udged as an art i st o r not at al l .” Theyj udged h im accord i ngly , and the i r j udgmen t waswrong .

There was not the least resemb lance between Lawrence Stephen as he was i n h imsel f and LawrenceStephen as he appeared to the generat ion j u st beh i ndh im . To conservat ives he passed for the l eader ofthe revol u t i on i n con temporary art , and yet the révol ut ion i n contemporary art was happen i ng w i thou t h im .

He was not the p r imal energy i n the movement ofthe Vortex . I n n i neteen-th i rtee n h is p r imal energ ieswere spen t , and he was t rust i ng to the movemen t ofthe Vortex to carry h im a l i t t le farther than he cou ldhave gone by h i s own impetus . He was att racted tothe young men of the Vortex because they were notof the generat i on that had rej ected h im

,and because

he hop ed thus to p rolong i ndefin i te ly h i s own youth .

They were at tracted to h im because of h is sol i taryd i st i nct ion , h is comparat ive poverty , and h is unpopularity . A prosperous

,wel l-estab l i shed S tephen wou ld

have revol ted them . He gave the revol u t ionar ies the



Lawrence S tephen stood among them l i ke an

austere guest i n some rendezvous of v iolen t youth , orl i ke the p r iest of some romant i c re l i ion that he hasb lasphemed yet not qu i te abj u red . e was lean anddark and shaven ; h is b lack ha i r hu ng forward i ntwo masses

,smooth and st ra ight and square ; he had

sorrowfu l,b i t ter eyes

,and a b i tte r , sorrowfu l mouth ,

the long I r ish upper l ip fine and hard-drawn , wh i lethe lower l ip qu ivered i ncongruously , pouted and protested and recan ted , was scept ica l and sens i t ive andtende r . H is short

,h igh nose had w ide yet fast id iou s

nostr i l s .I t was at th i s figure tha t Morton E l l i s con

tinued to gaze w ith affab i l i ty and i rr i tat i on . I twas th i s figu re that Vera ’ s eyes fo l lowed wi thanx ious

,rest less pass ion

,as i f she fe l t that at any

momen t he m igh t escape her,might be off , God

knew where .

Lawrence S tephen was i l l at ease i n thathouse and i n the p resence of h i s m istress and h i sfr i end s .

“ I bel i eve i n the past,he sa id , because I bel ieve

i n the futu re . I wan t con t i n u i ty . Therefore I bel ievei n Sw i nbu rne ; and I bel ieve i n B rown i ng and i nTennyson and Wordsworth ; I be l ieve i n K eats andShel ley and i n M i l ton . But I do not bel ieve , anymore than you do , i n the i r im i tators . I be l ieve i ndest royi ng the i r im i tators . I do not bel ieve i n dest roy i ng them .

”

“ You can ’ t dest roy the i r imitators u n less youdestroy them . They b reed the d i sgust i ng paras i tes .

The i r memor i es harbou r them l i ke a st i n k i ng su i t o fold c lothes . They must be sc rapped and bu rned i fwe ’ re to get r id of the st i n k . Art has got to be madeyou ng and new and clean . There i sn ’ t any d is infectant that ’ l l do the t r i ck . So long as old mastersare kow-towed to as maste rs peopl e w i l l go on im i tati ng them . When a poet ceases to be a poet andbecomes a cen tre of corrupt ion , he must go .

The Vortex 2 1 1

M ichael sa id,How abou t u s when peop le im i tate

us ? Have we got to go ?”

Morton E l l i s looked at h im and b l i nked . No,he sa id .

“No . We haven ’ t got to go .

”

“ I don ’ t see how you get out of i t .”

I get out of i t by do i ng th i ngs that can’ t be

im i tated .

”

There was a s i lence i n wh ich everybody thought ofMr . George Wadham . I t made M r . Wadham so

uncomfortab le that he had to b reak i t .“ I say, how abou t Shakespeare ? he sa id .

Nobody , so far , has im i tated Shakespeare ,any more than they have succeeded i n im i tat i ngme .There was anothe r s i lence wh i le everybody

though t of Morton E l l i s , as the im i tator of eve rypoet i c form unde r the su n except the forms adoptedby h i s con temporar ies .

That ’s al l very wel l , El l i s , sa id Stephen , bu tyou aren ’ t the Holy Ghost com ing down out of

heaven . We ca n t race you r sou rces .

“ My dear Stephen,I neve r sa id I was the Holy

Ghost . Nobod y ever does come down out of heaven .

You can t race my sou rces,thank God

,because they ’ re

c lean . I haven ’ t gone i n to every stream that sw inel i ke and and and and (he namedfive con tem po ra ry d i st i nct ions)

“have made fi l thy

wit h the i r paddl i ng .

He wen t on . The ve ry damnab le quest ion thatyou ’ ve ra i sed , Harr ison , i s absu rd . You bel i eve i nthe revol u t ion . Wel l then , suppos i ng the revolu

t i on ’ s com ing—you needn’ t suppose i t , because i t

’scome ; we are the revol u t ion—the revolu t ion mean sthat we ’ve made a clean sweep of the past . I n thefu tu re no art i st wi l l wan t to im i tate anybody . NO

art i s t w i l l be al lowed to ex i st u n less he ’s p repared tobe bu r ied al ive or bu rn ed al ive , rathe r than c orruptthe younge r generat ion w ith the processes and theproducts of h is own beast ly d issol u t ion .


“That

’

s why v iolence is r ight .

0 V iolenz a, sorgi , ba lena in questo

S anguigno, strnara lo al be,omp i come i ncen dio nei v esp eri ,

fa

fa

f a con tum"le anime 11 11

“There ’

s no special holi ness in v iolence. Violenceis righ t beca use i t

’

s

You mean it’

s n ecessa ry beca use it’

s right.”

Austen Mitchell spoke . He was a sa l low youthwith a b road, fla t' featured , B r i t ish face , bu t he hadach ieved an appea rance of great strangeness and d is

tinction by let ting hi s ha -colou red hai r grow long,and cult ivat in

gtwo bea r 5 instea d of one.

“ Violence, he con t inued,“is not a mea ns ; it

’s

an end"Energy must be got for its own sa ke, if o r"wa n t to generate more energy instea d of sta n ingstil l . The diff erence between Pa stism and Futu rismis the di fference between stat ics and dynamics .

Futu rist art is simply art that has gone on , that ha sleft 05 being stat ic and become dynamic .movemen t . G iven w ill tell you better tha

the corner of the room wherecurled h imsel f up . His eyes

flashed l ike the eyes of a young wi l d an imal rousedin its la i r .Paul Monier-Owen was d ark and so f t and supple .

At a l ittle d istance he had the clumsy g race and velv etinnocence of a black panther , half cub, hal f grown .

The tips of his ea rs, the corners of his prom i nen teyes , his eyebrows and his long nostri ls t i ltedupwa rds and backwards . Under his s l ende r ,ful nose h is restl ess smile showed the white te eth ofa youngAbove th is primitiv e , savage base of

resp onded incessantly to any child ish provoca t ion ,



That ’s why v iolence i s r igh t .

0 V io lenz a,sorg i , ba lena in questo cie lo

Sangu igno, stupra le a lbe ,irromp i come incend io nei vesperi ,fa d i tu tto i l sereno una tempesta ,fa d i tut ta la v i ta una batagl ia ,f a con tut te le an ime un od io solo"’

There ’s no spec ia l ho l i ness i n v iolence . Violencei s r igh t because i t ’s necessary .

”

“ You mean i t ’s necessary because i t ’ s r i gh t .Austen M i tchel l spoke . He was a sal low youth

w i th a b road,

flat-featu red,B r i t i sh face , bu t he had

ach ieved an appearance of great st rangeness and d ist i nct i on by lett i ng h i s hay-colou red ha i r grow long ,and cu l t ivat i n

gtwo beards i nstead of one .

Violence ,’ he con t i nued

,

“ i s not a means ; i t’s

an end Energy must be got for i ts own sake ,want to generate more energy i nstead of sta

st i l l . The di fference between Pastism and Futu r i smi s the d ifference between stat i cs and dynam ics .Futu ri st art i s s imp ly art that has gone on ,

that hasleft off be i ng stat ic and become dynam ic . I t expressesmovement . Owen w i l l te l l you better than I can whyi t expresses movemen t .A l ight darted from the corner of the room where

Pau l Mon ie r-Owen had cu rled h imsel f up . His eyesflashed l ike the eyes of a you ng w i ld an imal rousedi n its la i r .Pau l Mon ie r-Owen was d ark and soft and supple .

At a l i t t le d i stance he had the c lumsy grace and ve lveti n noce nce of a b lack pan ther

,hal f cub

,hal f grown .

The t i ps of h is ears, the co rne rs of h is prom inen teyes , h is eyeb rows and h is long nostr i l s t i l ted sl igh tlyupwards and backwards . Unde r h i s s lender

,mou rn

fu l nose h i s restless s mi le showed the wh i te teeth ofa young an ima l .Above th i s p r im i t i ve , savage base of featu res that

responded i ncessan t ly to any ch i ld i sh provoca t i on ,

The Vortex 2 1 3

the i n te l l igence of Mon ie r-Owen watched i n h i s calmand beau t i fu l forehead and i n h i s eyes .He sa id

,I t expresses movemen t , because i t p re

sen ts objects d i rect ly as cu tt i ng across many p lanes .To do th i s you have to b reak up objects i n to the l i nesand masses that compose them , and project those l i nesand masses i n to space on any cu rve , at any angle ,accord i ng to the planes you mean them to cross , othe rw ise

,the movements you mean them to express . The

more planes i n te rsected the more movemen t youget . By decompos i ng figures , you compose movements . By decompos i ng groups of figu res you compose groups of movements . Noth i ng bu t a c i nemacan rep resen t objects as i n tact and as at the same t imemov ing ; and even the c i nema on ly does th i s by aser ies of decompos i t ions so minu te as to escape theeye .

You wan t to draw a batt le-p iece o r the trafficat Hyde Park Corne r . I t can ’ t be done u n less youb reak up you r objects as M i tchel l b reaks them up .

You want to carve figu res i n the rou nd , wrest l i ng o rdanc i ng . I t can ’ t be done u n less you d i slocate the i rl i n es and masses as I dis locate them , so as to th rowthem al l at once i n to those p lanes that the i n tac t bodycou ld on ly have t raversed one afte r anothe r i n a g ivent ime .

“ By tak ing t ime into accou n t as we l l as space wep roduce rhythm .

I know what you ’re go i ng to say , Stephen . TheDanc i ng Faun and the Fr ieze of the Parthenon express movements . But they do noth i ng of the sort .They express movemen ts arrested

’

at a certa i n po i n t .They are supposed to rep resen t natu re , bu t they donot even do that , because arrested mot ion is a con trad ict ion in terms , and becau se the po i n t of a rrest i s ana rt ific ia l and arb i t rary th i ng .

You r med ium l im i ts you . You have to choosebetween the i n tac t body wh ich is stat ionary and theb roken and p rojected bod ies wh i ch are i n movement .


That is why we des troy or suppress symmet ry i n thefigu re and i n des ign . Because s

ymmetry is perfec t

ba lance wh ich i s immob i l i ty . I f wan ted to presen tperfect rest I shou ld do i t by an absol ute symmetry .

”

“ And there ’ s more i n i t than that ,” sa id Austen

M i tche l l “We ’ re ou t aga i nst the damnab le affectat ions o f natu ral i sm and human i sm . I f I draw a perfect

l i keness of a fat , p i nk woman , I’

ve got a fat , p in kwoman and noth i ng e lse bu t a fat , p i nk woman . Anda fat

,p i nk woman i s a work of Natu re , not a work of

a rt . And I ’m ly i ng . I ’m presen t i ng as a rea l i tywhat i s on ly an appearance . The bette r the l i kenessthe b igge r the l ie . Bu t movemen t and rhythm arerea l i t i es

,not appea rances . When I presen t rhythm

and movemen t I ’ve done someth i ng . I ’ve madereal i ty appear . ”

He wen t on to u n fold a scheme for restor i ng v igou rto the exhausted language by destroy i ng i ts art i cu lat ions . These he dec lared to be pu re ly arb i trary

,

therefore fata l to the deve lopment of a spontaneou sand i nd iv idua l sty le . By break i ng up the r ig id t i eso f syn tax , you do more than create new forms of prosemov i ng i n perfect freedom , you del iver the creat ivesp i r i t i tse l f f rom the a bom i nab le contact w i th deadideas . Assoc iat ion

,fixed and eternal i sed by the

st ru ctu re of the language , i s the tyranny that keepsdown the l i ve i dea .

“We ’ve got to restore the i n nocence of memory ,as Gaugu i n restored the i n nocence o f the eye .

”

M ichae l not iced that the talk was not a lways susta ined at th i s const ructive level . And to-n igh t , towards twelve o ’c lock , it dropped and broke i n a wel te rof v i tuperat ion . I t was , fi rst , a frenz ied assau l t onthe Old Masters , a storm i ng of immorta l strongholds ,a tear i ng and scatte r i ng of the w i ng feathers of archangel s ; then , from th i s h igh adven tu re i t sank to ape rfunctory sk i rm i sh i ng among l iv i ng em i nences over



go ing to end . They th i nk they ’ re beg i nn i ng someth i ng t remendous ; bu t I don

’ t see what ’ s to come ofi t . And I don ’ t see how they can go on l i ke thatfor ever . I can ’ t see what ’s com ing . Yet someth i ngmust come . They can

’ t be the end .

He thought" The i r movemen t i s on ly a smal lsw i r l i n an immense Vortex . I t may suck them al ldown . Bu t i t w i l l c l ea r the a i r . They w i l l havehelped to clear i t .”

He thought of h imsel f go i ng on , free f rom thewh i rl of the Vortex , and of h i s work as endu r i ng ;stand i ng clea r and hard i n the c lean a i r .

Part I I I

V ICTORY



She was a more i n te l l igen t woman than the Mrs .

Anthony Harr i son who , n i neteen years ago , i n formedherse l f of the a ffa i rs of the nat ion from a rap id sk imm i ng of the Tim es . I n the last fou r years the a ffa i rsof the nat i on had th rust themselves v iolen t ly uponhe r atten t ion . She had even real ised the Woman ’sSuffrage movemen t as a v iv id and v i ta l affa i r

,s i nce

Dorothy had taken part i n the fight i ng and had goneto p r ison .

Frances,s i tt i ng out th i s j u ly u nder he r t ree of

Heave n w ith the Times , had a sense of th i ngs abou tto happen i f other th i ngs d idn ’ t happen to p reven tthem . At any rate

, she had no longe r any reason tocompla i n that noth i ng happened .

I t was the Home Ru l e cr i s i s now . The fac t thatEngland and I re land were on the edge of c iv i l wa rwas b rough t home to her , not so much by the headl i nes in the papers as by the publ i cat ion of her sonM ichae l ’s i nsu rgen t poem ,

“ I re land ,” i n the Green

R ev iew .

For M ichae l had not grown ou t of h i s queer idea .

He was hardly th i rteen when he had sa id that c iv i lwar between England and I re land wou ld be glor iousi f the I r i sh won , and he was say i ng i t st i l l . H is poemwas the green flag that he flew in the face of h i s fam i lyand of h i s cou nt ry . Ne i the r Frances nor An thonywou ld have been l i kely to forget the imm inence ofc i v i l war (on ly that they d i dn

’ t rea l ly be l ieve i n i t),when from morn i ng t i l l n igh t M ichae l talked andwrote of noth i ng el se . I n th i s M ichae l was not ca rr ied away by co l lect ive fee l i ng ; h is dream of I re land

’sf reedom was a secret and sol i tary d ream . Nobodyhe knew shared i t bu t Lawrence S tephen . Thepass ion he b rough t to i t made h im hot and rest lessand i n tense . Frances expressed her op i n ion of theI r i sh cr i s i s when she sa id ,

“ I w i sh that Carson manwou ld m i nd h i s own bus i ness . Th i s exc i temen t isvery bad for M ichael .And she thanked Heaven that I re land was not

Victory 22 1

England,and that none o f them l ived there . I f the re

was c iv i l war i n I re land for a week or two , Anthonyand the boys wou ld be out of i t .Frances was al so a l i ve to the war between Cap i ta l

and Labou r . There was , i ndeed , someth i ng veryi n t imate and personal to Frances i n th i s part i cu la ra ff a i r of the nat ion ; fo r Anthony

’s bus i ness was be i ngd isagreeab ly affected by the str ikes i n the bu i ld i ngtrade .

S o much so that An thony had d ism i ssed h i schau ffeu r and given up h is idea of tu rn i ng the stab leloft i nto a b i l l iard-room . He had even though t oft ry i ng to le t the shoot i ng-box and the cottage on theYorksh i re moors wh ich he had bought , un foreseeingly, i n the Spr i ng of last year ; bu t M ichae l andN icholas had persuaded h im that th i s ext reme measu rewas u nnecessary .

And Frances,even wi th the st r i ke hang ing over

he r,was happy . For the ch i ldren , at the i r fi rst s igh t

of poss ibl e advers i ty , were show ing what was i n them .

The i r behav iou r made her more arrogan t than ever .M ichae l and Dorothea had given up the i r al lowancesand declared the i r comp lete ab i l i ty to support themselves . (They earned abou t fi f ty pounds a year eachon an average .)She had expected th is from Dorothy ,bu t not f rom M ichael . N icholas was do i ng thechau ff eu r ’s work i n h i s absence ; and John showedeagerness to offe r up h i s last year a t Oxford ; hepressed i t on h i s father as h i s con tr ibu t ion to thefam i ly econom ies .Veron ica b rough t her m i nu te d iv i dends (pa id to

he r every quarte r th rough Ferd inand Cameron’s

sol i c i tors), and la id them at Frances’

s and Anthony ’sfeet . (

“ As i f , Anthony sa id ,“ I cou ld have taken

her poor l i t t le money 1 Veron ica though t she cou ldgo out as a mus i c teacher .There were momen ts when Frances pos i t ively

enjoyed the st r i ke . Her m i nd refused to grasp thedanger of the s i tuat ion . She suspected Anthony of


exagge ra t i ng h i s l osses i n orde r to draw out Doro thyand M ichae l and N icholas and John , and wal low i nthe i r mora l beau ty . He

,too ,was arrogan t . He was

conv i nced that,though the re m igh t be g i r l s l i ke

Dorothea,there were no boys l i ke h i s th ree sons . As

for the s t r i ke i n the bu i ld i ng t rade,st r ikes , as

An thony i ns isted,had happened before , and none of

them had th reatened for ve ry long e i the r Fra nces ’

s

peace o f mi nd or An thony ’s prospe ri ty .

The p resen t st r ike was not i n te rfe r i ng i n the l eastw i th M rs . Anthony Harr i son ’ s Day , the las t of theseason . I t fe l l

,th i s year

,on the twen ty-fifth of J u ly .

Long af te rwards she remembered i t by what happened a t the end of i t .

Frances’

s Day—the fou rth Satu rday i n the mon thwas one o f those sl igh t changes that a re p rofoundlys ign ifican t . I t stood for regene rat ion and a changeo f heart . I t marked the c lose o f an epoch . Fra nces

’

s

l i fe o f exc l us i ve motherhood had ended ; she hadbecome

,or was a t any rate t ry i ng to become , a soc ial

c reatu re . Her Day had bored he r te rr ib ly at fi rst,

when i t d idn ’ t f r igh ten her ; she was on ly j us t beg i nn i ng to ge t u sed to i t ; and s t i l l , a t t imes , she had thea i r o f no t tak i ng i t se r i ously . I t had been forced on

he r . Doro thea had dec ided tha t she mus t have aDay , l i ke othe r peopl e .

She had had i t s i nce M ichae l ’ s fi rst vol ume of

Poems had come out i n the spri ng of the year before ,when the young men who met every Fr iday even ingi n Lawrence S tephen ’s s tudy began to meet a tM ichae l ’s fathe r ’s house .

An thony l i ked to th i n k that h i s house was thecen t re o f al l th i s pa l p i tat i ng , rad ian t l i fe ; o f youngmen do i ng al l sor ts o f wonderfu l

,ene rge t i c

,importan t

,

i n te rest i ng th i ngs . They st i rred the a i r abou t h imand kept i t c lean ; he l i ked the sound of the i r fee t andof the i r vo ices and of the i r laughter . And when the



exaggera t i ng h i s l osses i n orde r to draw out Dorothyand M ichae l and N icholas and John

,and wal low i n

the i r mora l beau ty . He,too , was arrogan t . He was

conv i nced that,though there m igh t be g i r l s l i ke

Dorothea,there were no boys l i ke h i s th ree sons . As

for the st r i ke i n the bu i ld i ng trade , st r i kes , asAn thony i ns isted

,had happened before , and

‘ none ofthem had th reatened for very long e i ther Frances ’

s

peace of mi nd or Anthony ’ s p rosper i ty .

The presen t st r i ke was not i n te rfer i ng i n the leastw i th Mrs . Anthony Harr i son ’s Day , the last of theseason . I t fe l l

,th i s year

, on the twen ty-fifth of Ju ly .

Long afterwards she remembered i t by what happened at the end of i t .

0

Frances’

s Day—the fou rth Satu rday i n the mon th—was one of those s l igh t changes that a re p rofou ndlys ign ifican t . I t stood for regenerat ion and a changeof heart . I t marked the c lose of an epoch . Frances

’

s

l i fe of exc l us i ve motherhood had ended ; she hadbecome , or was at any rate t ry i ng to become , a soc ialc reatu re . Her Day had bored her terr i b ly at fi rst ,when i t d idn ’ t fr ighten her ; she was on ly j us t beg i nn i ng to get used to i t ; and st i l l , at t imes , she had thea i r of not tak i ng i t se r iously . I t had been forced onhe r . Dorothea had dec ided that she must have aDay , l i ke othe r people .

She had had i t s i nce M ichae l ’s fi rst vol ume of

Poems had come out i n the sp ri ng of the year before ,when the young men who met every Fr iday even i ngi n Lawrence S tephen ’s study began to meet a tM ichael ’s father ’s House .Anthony l i ked to th i n k that h i s house was the

cen tre of al l th i s pa lp i tat i ng , rad ian t l i fe ; of youngmen do i ng a l l sorts of wonderfu l , energet i c , importan t ,i n terest i ng th i ngs . They st i rred the a i r abou t h imand kep t i t c lean ; he l i ked the sound of the i r feet andof the i r vo ices and of the i r laughter . And when the

Victory 223

house was qu ie t,and Anthony had Frances to h im

sel f , he l i ked that too .

Bu t Frances thought" I f on ly they wou ldn ’ tcome qu i te so often— if on ly I cou ld have my ch i ldrensometim es to mysel f II t was the last rebel l ion of he r flesh that had borne

and suck led them .

There was th i s to be said for Frances ’

s Day that i ta tt racted and d iverted ,

and confined to one t ime andone place a whole crowd of t i resome people , who ,w i thou t i t , would have sp read themse lves over thewhole month ; al so that i t gave a great dea l of i n nocen thapp i ness to the “ Poor dears .

” Frances mean t oldMrs . Flem i ng, and Lou ie and Emmel i ne and Edi thFlem i ng , who figu red as essen t ia l parts of the soc ia leven t . She meant M r . and Mrs . Je rv is , who , i n thei nconce ivab i l i ty of the i r absence on Frances

’

s Day ,wondered more than eve r why the i r daughte r Rosal i nd found them so imposs ib le . She mean t M r .V ereker and M r . Norr i s from the o ffice , and the i rw ives and ch i ldren , and Anthony

’s secretary,M iss

Lathom . I f M iss Lathom were not engaged to you ngGeorge V ereker, she soon wou ld be

,to j udge by the

behav iou r of the i r i nd iscree t a nd gu i l e less faces .

Frances also mean t he r b rothe r- in- l aw,Bartholo

mew , home from I nd ia for good , and cher i sh i ng -

a

new d isease , more secre t and more dangerous thanh i s cance r ; she mean t her b rothe r Mau r ice , who wasgenu i ne ly i nval ided , who had come back from Cal iforn ia fo r the last t ime , and wou l d never be sen t ou tanywhere aga i n .

Dorothea had sa id" Let ’s k i l l them al l off i n one

awfu l day .

” Frances had sa i d"Yes ; bu t we mustdo i t decen t ly . We must be k i nd to them

,poor

dears lAbove al l , they must be decen t to Grann i e and the

Au nt ies , and to Uncle Morr ie and Uncle Bart ie .

That was the on ly bu rden she had la id on herch i ldren . I t was a case of noblesse oblige ; the i r


you th constra i ned them . They had rece ived so much ,and they had been let off so much ; not one of themhad i nher i ted the ta i n t that made Mau ri ce and Emmel i ne Flem i ng and Bart ie Harr ison creatu res d iseasedand i rrespons ib le. They cou ld afford to be p i t i fu land merc i fu l .And now that the ch i l dren were grown up Frances

cou ld aff ord to be p i t i fu l and merc i fu l herse l f . Shecou ld even affo rd to be gratefu l to the poor dears . Shelooked on Mau ri ce and Emmel i ne and Bart ie as

scapegoats , bearers of the hered i tary ta i n t , whoseaffl i ct ion left her ch i ld ren c lean . She thought ofthem more and more i n th i s sacred and sacr ific ia lcharacte r . At fifty

- two Frances cou ld be gen t le overthe th i n s that had worr ied and i rr i tated her at th i rtyth ree . i ke An thony , she was st i l l young and strongth rough the youth and strength of her ch i ld ren .

And the poor dears were ge tt i ng weak and old .

Grann ie was seven ty-n i ne,and Mau r ice , the youngest

of that generat ion , was forty-n i ne , and he lookeds ixty . Every year F rances was more acu te ly awareof the i r pathos , the i r fut i l i ty , the i r morta l i ty . Theywou ld be b roken and gone so soon and so u tte r ly ,l eav i ng no name , no s ign or memor ia l of themse l ves ;on ly l iv i ng i n the memor ies of her ch i ldren who wou ldrema i n .

And,with an awfu l sense of morta l i ty su rround i ng

them , her ch i ldren had learned that they must be k i ndbecause the old peop le wou ld be gone wh i le theyendu red and rema i ned .

Th i s Satu rday be i ng the last of the season,they

had al l come ; not on ly the F lem i ngs , but the Jerv isesand V erekers and Norrises , and Uncle Bart i e . Thefine weather a lone wou ld have b rought them .

Bart i e , more morose and i rr i tab le than ever , sat

u nde r the t ree of Heaven and watched the t r i umphalprogress of the day . He scow led dark ly and . sourly



Nor I , e i ther , sa i d M iss La thom,who was

try i ng sudden ly to l ook at noth i ng i n part ic u lar .M iss Lathom l ied and Mrs . V ereker l ied ; they

knew perfect ly wel l why they were happy . Eachknew that the othe r l ied ; each knew that theo the r k new she knew ; and ne i ther of them cou ldhave sa id why she fou nd i t so necessary to l i e .

And to Frances th i s happ i ness of Mrs . V ereker

and of young V ereker and M iss Lathom was s ign ifican t and de l ightfu l

,as i f she had been personal ly

respons ib le for i t .

A day flashed out of he r memory on a tra i l ofb l ue larkspu rs and of someth i ng that she had forgotten , someth i n g tha t was m ixed up w i th M r . andM rs . Je rv i s and Rosal i nd . She sta red at the la rkspu rs as if they he ld the c l ue—N icky ’s face appearedamong the tal l b l ue sp i res , N icky

’s darl i ng face t i edup i n a sca rf , brown str i pes and ye l low str ipes—someth i ng to do wi th a Wh ite Cake— it m ust have beensomebody ’s b i rthday . Now she had it—Mr. Jerv i s ’ scr i cket sca rf . I t was the day of N i cky ’ s worst ea rache

,the day when M r . V ereker c l imbed the t ree

of Heaven—was i t poss ible that M r . V ereker hadever c l imbed that t ree —the day when M ichaelwou ldn ’ t go to the party—Rosal i nd ’s b i rthdayE ight candles bu rn i ng for Rosal i nd . Why , i t

was n i neteen years ago . Don-Don was a baby then ,and M ichael and N icky we re on ly l i t t l e boys . And

l ook at them now"She fed her arrogance by gaz i n g on the ta l l ,

fi rmly kn i t , s lende r bod i es of he r sons,i n wh i te

flannels,p lay i ng fu r iously and we l l .

“ Dorothy i s look i ng very handsome , Mrs .Je rv i s sa id .

Yes,certa i n ly Dorothy was look i ng handsome ;

bu t Frances loved before al l th i ngs the male beautyo f her sons . I n M i chae l and N icholas i t had reached

Victory 22 7

perfect ion , the c lean , hard perfec t i on that would l as t ,as Anthony ’ s had lasted .

She thought of the i r beauty that had passed fromher , dy i ng many deaths , each death hu rt i n g her ;the tender mor ta l beauty of babyhood

,of ch i ldhood ,

of boyhood ; bu t th i s i nvu lne rab le beau ty of the i ryoung manhood wou ld be w i th her for a long t ime .

John wou ld have i t . John was on ly a fa i re rN icholas ; but as ye t h is beauty had not hardened ;h i s boyhood l i ngered i n the fine t i ssues of h i s mou th

,

and i n h is eyel ids and the sof t corners of h i s eyes ;so tha t i n John she cou ld st i l l see what N icky hadbeen .

She had adored Anthony ’ s body , as i f she hadforeseen that i t wou ld give he r such son s as these ;and i n her ch i ld ren she had adored the smal l bod iesthrough whose c lean , fi rm beauty she foresaw thebeau ty o f tthe ir m anhood . These were the samebodies

,the same faces that she had loved i n them

as ch i ldren ; noth i ng was b lu rred or tw isted or overla id .

M ichael at s ix-andtwen ty was beau t i fu l andser ious

,as she had foreseen h im . Frances knew

that M ichael had gen i us,and a t othe r momen ts she

was proud of h i s gen i us ; but at th i s part icu la rmoment

,s i tt i ng bes ide her fr i end and consc ious of

he r jealousy , she was ch iefly aware of h i s body .

Michae l ’ s bod y was qu iescen t ; i t s beau ty gaveher a proud but auste re and t ranqu i l sat i sfact ion .

I t was when she looked at he r second son tha t someth i ng caught at he r breath and he ld i t . ‘ She sawh im as the lover and b ridegroom of Veron ica . Herse nse of h is v i r i l i ty was terr ib l e to her and del igh tfu l .Perhaps they were engaged al ready .

And Frances was sorry for Mrs . Je rv i s,who had

borne no sons , who had on ly bo rne one unatt ract i ved unsat i sfactory d aughter . She used to be sorry

for he r because Rosal i nd wias p in k and fat andflu ffy ; she was sorry for her now because Rosal i nd


was u nsat i sfactory . She was so rry for M rs . Norr i sbecause her boy cou ld never grow up l i ke M ichae lor N icholas or John . She was sorry for Mrs . V ereker

because George , though he looked al l r igh t whenhe was by h imse l f

,became cl umsy and common at

once bes ide M ichae l and N icho las and John . Georgewas a lso i n wh i te flannels ; he played fu r iously andwe l l ; he p layed too fu r iously a nd too consc iouslywel l ; he was too damp and too exc i ted ; h i s ha i rbecame damp and exc i ted as he p layed ; h is cr i es hada Cockney tang .

Her arrogance nou r i shed i tsel f on these con trasts .Mrs . Jerv i s looked w istfu l ly at the young men

as they p layed . She looked st i l l more w i stfu l ly atDorothy .

“What do you do, she sa i d , t o keep you rch i ldren w i th you ?I do noth i ng

,Frances sa id . I don ’ t t ry to

keep them . I ’ve never appealed to the i r fee l i ngsfor my own purposes , o r taken advantage of the i raffect i on

,that ’ s a l l .

“ They know that i f they want to walk ou t ofthe house to—morrow , and stay out , they can .

Nobody’

ll stop them .

”

There was a cha l l eng i ng,rem i n i scen t gl i n t i n

M r . Jerv i s ’ s eyes,and h i s w i fe was s ign ifican t ly

s i l en t . Frances knew what they were th i nk i ng .

“ Nicky ,”

she sa id,walked out ; bu t he came

back aga i n as soon as he was i n t roub le . M ichaelwa lks ou t and goes ab road every yea r ; bu t he comes

ba ck aga i n . Dorothy walks out,bu t she ’ s neve r

d reamed of not com i ng. back aga i n .

“ Of cou rse , i f you aren’ t afra i d of tak i ng r i sks ,

sa id M r . Jerv i s .I am afra id . But I ’ve never shown i t .I t ’s very st range that Dorothy hasn ’ t marr i ed .

Mrs . Jerv i s spoke , She der ived comfort from thethought that Dorothy was e ight-and-twen ty and not

marr i ed .



of conversat ion that flowed th rough he r f rom Mrs .Jerv i s on her r igh t hand to Mrs . V ereker and Mrs .

Norr i s on her left .Veron ica was good . But she was not wrapped up

i n othe r people ’ s lives as France s was wrapped up .

She was wrapped up,not i n he rsel f , bu t i n some l i fe

of her own that , as Frances made i t out, had noth i ngi n the world to do w ith anybod

ye lse ’s .

And yet Veron ica knew w at you were feel i ng ,and what you were th i nk i ng , and what you were go i ngto do , and what was happen i ng to you . (She hadreal ly known , i n D resden , what was happen i ng toN i cky when Desmond made her marry h im .) I t wasas i f i n he r the wal l s that d iv i de every sou l from everyothe r sou l were made of some th i n and porou s stu ffthat l et th i ngs th rough . And i n th i s l i fe of you rs ,fo r the moments that she shared i t , she l i ved i n tensely ,wi th u ncan ny del ight a nd pa in that we re he r own andnot he r own .

And Frances wanted some hard , t ight theory thatwou ld reconc i le these extremes of penet rat ion anddetachment .She remembered that Fe rd i nand Came ron had

been l i ke that . He saw th i ngs . He was a creatu reof quee r, sudden sympath ies and i nsights . She supposed it was the H igh land b lood i n both of them .

Mrs . V ereker on her r i gh t expressed the hope thatM r . Bartholomew was bette r . Frances sa id he neve rwou ld be bette r t i l l chem ists w ere forb idden toadvert i se and the Bri tish Medica l j ourna l and TheLancet were supp ressed . Bart ie wou ld read them ;and they suppl ied h im wi th al l sorts of ext raord i naryd i seases .She thought"See i ng th i ngs had not made poor

Ferd ie happy ; and Veron i ca i n her i n nermost l i fe washappy . She had been happy when she came backfrom Germany , before she cou ld have known thatN icky cared for her , befo re N icky knew i t h imsel f .Suppos ing she had known i t a l l the t ime ? Bu t

Victory 23 1

that,Frances sa id to herse l f , was nonsense . I f she

had known as much as a l l that , why shou ld she havesu ff e red so horr ib ly that she had nearly d ied of i t ?Un less—suppos ing— it had been his suff e r i ng that shehad nearly d ied o f ?Mrs . Norri s on he r left was say i ng that she was

sorry to see Mr . Mau ri ce look i ng so sad ly ; andFrances hea rd hersel f rep ly i ng that Mo rr i e hadn ’ tbeen fi t for anyth i ng s i nce he was i n Sou th Afr ica .

Between two pop-gun batte r ies of conversat ionthe ser ious theme susta i ned i tse l f . She thoughtThen

,N icky had su ff e red . And Veron ica was the

on ly one who knew . She knew more abou t N ickythan N icky ’s mother . Thi s though t was d i sagreeab leto Frances .I t was al l nonsense . She d idn ’ t real ly bel i eve

that these th ings happened . Yet , why not ? M ichae lsa id they happened . Even Dorothy , who d id n

’ t bel i eve i n God and immortal i ty or anyth i ng , bel i evedthat .She gave i t u p ; i t was beyond he r ; i t bothered

Yes . Seven ty-n i ne her last b i rthday .

Mrs . Norr i s had sai d that Mrs . Flem ing was

wonderfu l .Frances though t" I t

’

s wonderfu l what Veron i cadoes to them .

”

The sets had changed . N icholas and a g i r l fr i endof Veron ica ’s p layed aga i nst George V ereker andM iss Lathom ; John , wi th M r . Je rv i s fo r h i s hand icap , played agai nst Anthony and M r . Norr i s . Thevery you ng Norri s fie lded . Al l afternoon he hadhoped to d i st i ngu ish h imse l f by catch i ng some bal li n fu l l fl igh t as i t wen t “ ou t I t was a pu re andh igh amb i t ion , for he knew he was so you ng andu n importan t that on ly the eyes of God and of h i smo the r watched h im .


M ichae l had dropped out of i t . He sa t bes ideDorothy u nder the t ree of Heaven and watchedVeron ica .

“ Veron ica ’s wonderfu l , he sa id . D id you see

that ?Dorothy had seen .

Veron ica had kept Au n t Emmel i ne qu ie t a l l afte rnoon . She had made Bart i e eat an ice u nde r theimpress ion that i t wou ld be good for h im . And nowshe had gone w i th Morr i e to the table where thedr i nks were

,and had taken h i s th i rd glass of cham

pagne cup from h im , and mad e h im dr i nk lemonadei nstead .

“ How does she do i t ? sa id M ichael .I don ’ t know . She doesn ’ t know herse l f . I

used to th i n k I cou ld manage people , but I’m not - in

i t w i th Ronny . She ough t to be a wardress i n al u nat i c asy l um .

“ Now look at that"Veron ica had retu rned to the group formed by

Grann ie and the Au nt ies and some st rangers . Theeyes of the fou r Fl em ing women had looked afte r he ras she wen t from them ; they looked towards he r nowas i f some great need , some grea t long i ng wereappeased by he r retu rn .

Grann ie made a p lace by he r s ide for the youngg i rl ; she took he r a rm , the you ng wh i te a rm , barefrom the e lbow i n i ts short sl eeve , and made i t l i eacross her knees . From t ime to t ime Gran n ie ’syel low , wi thered hand stroked the smooth , warmwh ite arm , or hel d i t . Emmel i ne and Ed i th squattedon the grass at Veron ica ’s feet ; the i r worn faces andthe worn face of Lou ie l ooked at he r . They hung onher , fasc i nated , cu r iously t ranqu i l l i sed , as i f theydrank from her youth .

“I t

’

s fu nny , Dorothy sa id , when you th i nk howthey used to hate he r .”

“ I t ’ s horr ib le , sa id M ichae l .He got up and took Veron ica away .



Ca n ’ t you see how awfu l i t must be for them to beghosts ? Ghosts among l iv i ng peop le . Everybodya fra td of them— not wan t ing them .

“ M ichael—it wou ld be bette r to be dead"

Towards the end of the afte rnoon Frances ’

s Daychanged i ts ap earance and i ts character . I n theten n i s courts ichael

’

s f r iends p layed s i ngles w i than i ncomparab le fu ry , f rank ly reject i ng the partnersoffe red them and d isda i n i ng i n fe r ior an tagon i s ts ;they p layed , El l i s aga i n st M i tchel l and Mon ier-Owenaga i n st N icholas .They had arr ived late w i th Vera and Lawrence

Stephen .

I t had come to that . Anthony and Frances foundthat they cou ld not go on for ever refus i ng theacqua i n tance of the man who had done so much forM i chae l . Stephen ’s enthus iast i c eu logy of M ichael ’ spoems had made an end of that o ld an imos i ty ayear ago . Pract ical ly they had had to choose between Bart ie and Lawrence Stephen as the t u rn i ngpo i n t of honou r . M ichae l had mad e them see thati t was poss ib le to overva lue Bart ie ; al so that i t wasposs ib le to pay too h igh a r ice for a consecratedmoral att i t ude . I n a l l h i s l i fe the wretched Bart iehad never done a th i ng fo r any of them

,whereas

he,M ichael , owed h i s rathe r ext raord i nary success

abso l utely to Lawrence Stephen . I f the st r i ke madeh i s fathe r bank rupt he wou ld owe h is very meansof l i vel ihood to Lawrence S tephen .

Bes id es , he l i ked Stephen , and i t compl i catedth i ngs m ost fr i ghtfu l ly to go on l i v i ng i n the samehouse w i th peop le who d isl i ked h im .

I f , M ichael sa id , the y chose to d i ssoc iate themse lves a l togethe r f rom the i r e ldest son and h isca ree r , very wel l . The y cou ld go on ignori ng andtac i t l y i nsu l t i ng Mr . Stephen . He cou ld understand the i r tak i ng a cons i stent ly wrong-head ed l i ne

Victory 235

l i ke that ; bu t so long as they had any regard , e i the rfor h im or h i s caree r , he d idn

’ t see how they cou ldve ry wel l keep i t up any longer . He was sorry

,of

course,tha t h i s ca ree r had le t them i n for S tephen

i f they d idn ’ t l i ke h im ; bu t there i t was .And beyond a d oubt i t was there .“ You m ight v i nd i cate Bart i e glor iously

,M ichae l

sa i d ,“ by tu rn i ng me ou t of the house and d isin

heriting me . But wou ld i t be worth wh i le ? I’m

not ask i ng you to condone Stephen ’ s conduct , i fyou can ’ t condone i t ; I

’m ask i ng you e i the r toacknowledge or repudiate you r son ’ s debts .

“ Afte r al l,i f he can condone you r beast ly t rea t

men t of h im I wou ldn ’ t l i ke h im i f he was thesw i ne you th i nk h im .

”

And Anthony had appealed to M ichael ’s mother .To h i s Wel l

,Frances what do you th i n k ?

Ought we or oughtn ’ t we ? she had rep l ied" Ith i nk we ought to stand so l i d beh i nd M ichae l .I t was M ichael ’s l i fe that counted

,for i t was

goi ng on i n to a great futu re . Bart ie wou ld passand M ichael wou ld rema i n .

The i r ne rvous advances had ended i n a completesu rrender to S tephen ’ s charm .

Vera and Stephen seemed to th i nk that the wayto show the s i ncer i ty and sweetness of the i r reconc i l iat ion was to tu rn up as often as poss ib le onFrances

’

s Day . They arr i ved always at the samehou r , a l i tt l e

“ l ate ; they came by the road and thefron t doo r , so that when Bart ie saw them com in ghe cou ld ret reat th rough the garden door and thelane . The Flem ings and the Jerv ises retreated w i thh im ; and presen tly , when i t had had a good lookat the ce leb r i t ies

,the rest of the party fol lowed .

Th i s Satu rday Frances’

s Day dwi nd led andmel ted away and closed

,afte r its m anner ; on ly Vera

and S tephen l i ngered . They stayed on tal k i ng toM ichael long afte r eve rybody else had gone .

Stephen sa id he had come to say good-bye to


M ichae l ’ s peop le and to make a proposa l to M ichaelh imsel f . He was goi ng to I re land .

Vera i n te rrupted h im w ith pass ion .

“ He isn ’ t . He hasn ’ t any p roposa l to make . Hehasn ’ t come to say good-bye .

”

Her rest less,unhappy eyes tu rned to h im inces

santly ,as i f

,more than ever

,she was afra id that he

wou ld escape her , that he wou ld go off God knewwhere .

God knew where he was go i ng , but Vera d idnot bel ieve that he was go i ng to I re land . He hadtalked abou t go i ng to I re land for yea rs , and he hadnever gone .

Ste phen looked as i f he d id not see her ; as i fhe d id not even see M ichael very d i st i nct l y .

“ I ’m go ing ,” he sa id

,

“ to I re land on Mondayweek , the th ird of August . I mayn ’ t come back forlong enough . I may not come back at al l . ”

That ’s the so rt of th i ng he keeps on say i ng .

I may not come back a t a ll . So I wan t you totake over the R ev iew fo r me . E l l i s and my sec retarywi l l show you how i t stands . You ’ l l k now whatto do . I can t rust you not to l et i t down .

”

“ He doesn ’ t mean what he says , M ichael . He’ s

on ly say i ng i t to f r ighten me . He ’s been hold i ngi t ove r me for years .

“S ay you

’ l l have noth i ng to do w i th i t . S ay you

won ’ t touch h i s old R ev iew .

“ Cou ld I go to I re land for you ?You cou ldn ’ t . ”

Why not ? What do you th i n k y ou’ re go i ng

to do the re ? ”

“ I ’m goi ng to pu l l the Nat ional i sts togethe r , so

that i f the re ’s c iv i l wa r i n I re land,the I r i sh w i l l have

a chance to win . Thank God for Carson"He ’ sgiven u s the opportu n i ty we wanted .

“ Te l l h im he ’s not to go , M ichae l . He won’ t

l i sten to me , bu t he’ l l m i nd what you say .

“ I wan t to go i nstead of h im .

”



be a fine th i ng . I t wou ld be a fine r th ing thanwr i t i n g poems abou t I re land .

Lawrence Stephen wen t soberly and stead i lythrough the affa i r of the R ev iew

,exp la i n i ng th i ngs

to M ichae l . He wanted th i s done,and th i s . And

over and ove r aga i n M ichael ’ s vo ice b roke th roughh is i nst ruct ions . Why cou ld n ’ t he go to I relandi nstead of Lawrence ? Or , i f Lawrence wou ldn

’ t leth im go i nstead of h im ,

he m ight at least take h imwi th h im . He did n ’ t wan t to stay at home ed i t i ngthe R ev iew . El l i s or M itche l l or Mon ier-Owenwou ld ed i t i t be t te r than he cou ld . Even thewretched Wadham wou ld ed i t i t j ust as we l l . Hewan ted to go to I re land and fight .But Lawrence wou ldn ’ t l et h im go . He wasn ’ t

go i ng to have the boy ’ s b lood on h i s hands . Hi sgen i us and h is youth were too p rec ious .Bes i des , I re land was not h is count ry .

I t was past ten o ’c lock . Frances was alone i nthe draw i ng- room . She sat by the open wi ndowand wai ted and watched .

The qu iet garden lay open to her s ight . On lythe i n ne r end of the farther te r race , under the orchardwal l , was h idden by a h igh screen of pr ivet .I t seemed hou rs to Frances s i nce she had seen

N icky and Veron ica go down the lawn on to thete rrace .And then Anthony had gone out too . She was

vexed wi th Anthony . She cou l d see h im s i tt i ngu nder h i s ash-t ree , her t ree of Heaven ; h i s wh i tesh irt-fron t gave ou t an oblong gleam l ike phosphorusi n the darkness unde r the t ree . She was watch i ngto see tha t he d id n ’ t get up and go on to theterrace .

Anthony had no busi ness i n the garden at a l l .He was catch i ng cold i n i t . He had sneezed tw ice .She wanted N icholas and Veron i ca to have the

Victory 239

garden to themse lves to-n ight , and the pe rfec t st i l lness of the twi l ight to themse lves , every tree andevery l i tt l e leaf and flower keep ing qu iet fo r them ;and there was Anthony sneez i ng .

She was rest less and impat ie nt , as i f she carr iedthe bu rd en of the i r pass ion i n her own heart .Presen t ly she cou ld bear i t no longer . She got

up and cal led to Anthony to come i n . He cameobed ien t ly .

What are you th i nk i ng of , she sa id,p lan t i ng

you rse l f ou t there and sneez i ng ? I cou ld see you rsh i rt- f ron t a m i le off . I t ’ s i ndecen t of you .

”

Why i ndece n t ?Because N icky and Veron i ca are ou t there .

I don ’ t see them .

”

Do you suppose they wa nt you to see them ?She tu rned the e lec t r ic l ight on fu l l to make dark

ness of the i r tw i l ight ou t the re .

Nicky and Veron ica tal ked together i n thetwi l ight , s i tt i ng on the sea t u nder the orchard wal lbeh i nd the p r ive t sc reen . They d id not see Anthonys i t t i ng u nde r the ash-t ree

,they d id not hear h im

,

they d id not hear Frances cal l i ng to h im to comei n . They were u t te r ly u naware of Frances andAnthony .

“ Ronny , he sa id , did M ichael say anyth i ngto you ? ”

“When ?Th is a fte rnoon , when he made you come w i t h

h im here . ”

“How do you mean ‘say anyth ing ?

You know what I mean .

”

M ick ? ”

Yes . D id he ask you to marry h im ?No . He said a lot of fu nny th i ngs

,bu t he

d idn ’ t say that . He wou ldn ’ t .”

“W hv wouldn ’ t he ? ”


Because—he j ust wou ld n ’ t .”

Wel l,he says he u nderstands you .

Then,sa id Veron ica conc lus ive ly

,of cou rse

he wou ldn ’ t . ”

“ Yes ; bu t he says I don’ t . ”

Dear N icky, you understa nd me when nobody

e l se does . You always d i d .

”

“ Yes,when we were k id s . But supposi ng now

I eve r d idn ’ t,would i t matter ? You see , I

’mstup id , and car i n g —car i ng awfu l ly—m ight make mestup ider . Ha

've peop le got to understand each

othe r ? ”

To that she rep l ied aston ish i ngly , Are you qu i tesu re

1you understand about Ferd ie ?erd ie ?

”

Yes .” She tu rned her face fu l l to h im . Idon ’ t know whether you know abou t i t . I didn ’ tt i l l Mother told me the ' other day . I ’m Ferd i e ’ sdaughte r .

“Did you know ?Oh , Lord , yes . I ’ve known i t for -oh , s imply

ever so long .

”

“Who told you ?Dorothy , I th i nk . But I guessed i t becau se of

someth i ng he said once abou t see i ng ghos ts . ”

“ I wonder i f you know how I feel abou t i t ? Iwan t you to u nderstand that . I ’m not a b i t ashamedof i t . I ’m proud . I ’m g lad I

’m Ferd ie ’ s daughter,not Bart ie ’s . I ’d take h i s name , so tha t eve rybody shou ld know I was h is daughte r , on ly that Il i ke Uncle An thony ’s name best . I ’m glad Motherl oved h im .

“ So am I,Ronny . I know I shou ldn ’ t have l i ked

Bart ie ’ s daughter . Bart ie ’s daughte r wou ldn ’ t havebeen you .

”

He took her i n h is a rms and held he r face aga i nsth i s face . And i t was as i f Desmond had neve rbeen .

A l i tt l e wh i l e ago he had hated Desmond beca use



He and Frances sat up t i l l long past m idn ight ,ta l k i ng abou t the i r p lans , and the ch i ld ren

’s p lans .

I t was a l l sett l ed . The fi rst week i n August theywou ld go down to Morfe fo r the shoo t i ng . Theywou ld stay the re t i l l the fi rst week i n September .N icky and Veron i ca wou ld be marr ied the fi rst weeki n October . And they wou ld go to France andBelg ium and Germany for the i r honeymoon .

THEY did not go down to Morfe the fi rst week i nAugust for the shoot i ng .

Ne i the r d id Lawrence S tephen go to I re land onMonday

,the th i rd . At the momen t when he shou ld

have been rece i v i ng the congratu lat ions of the Dub l i nNat ional i sts afte r h is impass ioned appeal for m i l i tan tconsol idat ion

,Mr . Redmond and S i r Edward Carson

were shak i ng hands dramat i cal ly i n the House ofCommons . Stephen ’s subl ime opportu n i ty , the c i v i lwar , had been snatched from h im by the u nforeseen .

And there was no chance of N i cky and Veron icago i ng to Be lg i um and France and Germany fo r the i rhoneymoon .

For w i th i n n in e days of Frances ’

s Day Germanyhad d ec lared war on France and Russ ia , and wasmarch ing over the Belg ian fron t ie r on he r way toPari s .Frances , rou sed at last to rea l isat ion of the aff a i rs

of nat ions , asked , l i ke severa l m i l l ion women ,“What

does i t mean ? ”

And Anthony , l i ke severa l m i l l i on men , answered ,I t means Armageddon .

” L ike several m i l l ionpeople , they both thought he was say ing someth i ngas or ig i na l as i t was impress ive

,someth i n g c lear and

final and descr ipt i ve .“ Armageddon"” Stol id

,u n imagi nat ive people

wen t abou t say i ng i t to each othe r . The sou nd of theword th r i l l ed them , i n tox icated them ,

gave them anawfu l fee l i ng that was at the same t ime

,i n some odd

way , agreeab le ; i t st i r red them wi th a solemn and asomb re pass ion . They sa id “ Armageddon . I t

243


means Armageddon . Yet nobody knew and nobodyasked or thought of ask i ng what Armageddon meant .

“ Shal l We come i nto i t ? ” sa id Frances . She wasth i nk i ng of the Royal Navy tu rn i ng out to the lastdest royer to save England from i nvas ion ; of theB r i t i sh Army most superfluously p repared to defendEngland from the i nvade r

,who

,afte r a l l , cou ld not

i nvade ; of I nd ian t roops pou r i ng i n to England i f theworst came to the worst . She had the heal thy B r i t ishm i nd that refuses and always has refused to acknowledge the possib i l i ty of d i saste r . Yet she asked con

tinua lly,“Wou ld England be drawn i n She was

thankfu l that none of her sons had gone i n to the Armyor the Navy . Whoeve r e lse was i n , they wou ld beout of i t .At fi rst An thony sa id , No . Of cou rse England

wou ldn ’ t be drawn “ i n .

”

Then , on the morn i ng of England ’s u l t imatum ,

the c los i ng o f the Stock Exchange and the Banksmade h im thoughtfu l , and he adm i tted that i t lookedas i f E ngland m ight be drawn i n

,after a l l . The long

day,without any bus i ness for h im and N icholas

,d is

turbed h im . There was a nasty , hover i ng sme l l ofru i n i n the a i r . Bu t there was no pan i c . The clos ingof the Banks was on ly a w ise p recaut ion aga i nst pan i c .

And by even i ng , as the t remendous s ign ificance of

the u l t imatum sank i n to h im,he sa id defin i t ively that

England wou ld not be drawn i n .

Then Drayton , whom they had not seen formonths (s ince

‘

he had had h i s p romot ion), te lephonedto Dorothy to come and d i ne w ith h im at h i s c l ubi n Dover Street . Anthony m issed a ltogether thes ign ificance of tha t.He had actua l ly made for h imsel f an afte r-d i n ne r

peace i n wh ich coffee cou ld be d runk and c igarettessmoked as i f noth i ng were happen i ng to Eu rope .

“ England ,” he sa id ,

“ w i l l not be d rawn i n,be

cau se her u l t imatum w i l l stop the War . There won ’ tbe any Armageddon .

”



what he had a lways though t ; on ly he wou ldn’ t ta l k

about itDorothy was not i nc l i ned to talk abou t i t e i the r .The Morss was caugh t i n a l i ne b locked at the

bottom o f Albemarle S t reet by two streams of cars ,m ixed wi th two streams o f foot passengers , tha tpou red stead i ly from P iccad i l ly i n to S t . James ’sS t reet .M ichae l and Dorothy got out and walked .

N icholas gave up h i s p lace to Anthony and fol lowedwi th Veron ica .

The i r rest lessness had been a part of the immenserest lessness of the c rowd . They were drawn , as thec rowd was d rawn ; they wen t as the crowd went , upand down , rest lessly , from Trafalga r Square andWh i tehal l to B uck i ngham Palace ; f rom Buck i nghamPalace to Wh i tehal l and Trafa lgar Square . Theydr i fted down Parl iamen t S t ree t to Westm i nste r andback aga i n . An hou r ago the d r i ft i ng , nebu louscrowd had sp l i t , torn asunder between two att ract ions ;i ts two masses had wheeled away , one to the east andthe other to the west ; they had gathered themselvestogether , one at each pole of the space i t now

t rave rsed . The great meet i ng i n Trafalga r Squarebalanced the mu l t i tude that had grav i tated towardsBuck i ngham Palace

, to see the K ing and Queen comeout on the i r bal cony and show themselves to the i rpeople .

And as the edges of the two masses gave way ,each b roke and scatte red , and was m ixed aga i n w i ththe othe r . L ike a flood , confined and shaken , i tsu rged and was dr iven back and su rged aga i n fromWh i teha l l to Buck i ngham Palace

,from Buck i ngham

Palace to Whitehal l . I t looked for an out let i n thena rrow channe ls of the s ide-st reets o r sp read i tse l fover the flats of the Green Park , on ly to retu rn restlessl y upon i tse l f , sucked back by the mai n cu rren t i nthe Mal l .I t was as i f hal f London had met there for Bank

Victory 247

Hol iday . Part of th i s c rowd was drun k ; i t was org i

a stic ; i t made st range , fie rce no i ses , l 1ke the norsesof one enormous , myst ical l y exc i ted beast ; here andthe re men and women , w ith i nflamed and drunkenfaces

,ree led i n each othe r ’s arms ; they wore p ink

paper feathe rs i n the i r hats . Some , on ly hal f 1ntox 1ca ted , fl i cked at each othe r w i th long streamers ofp i n k and wh i te paper , carr i ed l ike scou rges on smal lst i cks . These were the i nsp i red .

Bu t the great body of the c rowd was sober . I twen t decorous ly i n a long process ion , you ng menw i th the i r sweethearts

,fr iends , b rothers and s isters ,

husbands and w ives,fathers and mothers w ith the i r

ch i ldren ; none , o r ve ry few , wen t a lone that n ight .I t was an endless p rocess ion of faces ; grave and

thoughtfu l faces ; un i n te rested , respectab le faces ;faces of u nmoved i n tegr i ty ; exc i ted faces ; d ream i ng ,wonder i ng

,bew i ldered faces ; faces merely cu r ious , or

cu r iously exal ted,s l igh tly ecstat i c , open-mouthed , fas

cinated by each other and by the movemen ts and thel ights ; l augh i ng , fr ivolou s faces , and faces u t ter lyvacan t and u nsee ing .

On every other b reast the re was a smal l Un ionJack p i n ned ; eve ry othe r hand he ld and waggled aUn ion Jack . The Un ion Jack flew f rom the eng i neof every other au tomob i l e . I n twe lve hou rs , ou t ofnowhere , thousands and thousands of flags sp rangmagica l ly i n to be i ng ; as i f for years London had beenprepar i ng for th i s day .

And i n and ou t of th i s c rowd the tra i n of automob i les w i th the i r flags dashed up and down the Mal lfo r hou rs , appear i ng and d isappear i ng . I n tox icatedyou ths w ith i nflamed faces , i n fu l l even i ng dress ,squatted on the roofs of tax i-cabs or rode ast r i de onthe eng i nes of the i r cars

,wav ing flags .

Al l th i s movement , dru nken , org iast i c , somnambul istic, myster iously rest less , st reamed up and downbetween two so lemn and process ional l i n es of l ights

,

two solemn and p rocess iona l l i nes of t rees,l i nes that


st retched st ra ight from Wh i tehal l to Buck i nghamPalace i n a recu rren t pat tern of t rees and lamps , darkt rees , tw i l i t t rees , a lamp and a t ree sh i n i ng w i th ametal l i c u nnatu ra l green ; and , at the end of the

avenue , g i lded gates and a go lden-wh i te facade .

The crowd was dr i ft i ng now towards the Palace .

M ichae l and Dorothea , N icholas and Veron i ca , wen tw i th i t . I n th i s ete rna l perambu lat ion they metpeopl e that they knew ; Stephen and Vera ; M itche l l ,Mon i er-Owen ; Uncle Morr i e and h is s i ste rs . An

thony, look i ng rathe r solemn , drove past them i n h i scar . I t was l i ke imposs ib le , grotesque encoun ters i na dream .

Outs ide the Pa lace the c rowd moved up and downw i thou t rest ; i t d r i fted and retu rned ; i t c i rc l ed rou ndand rou nd the fou n ta i n . I n the Open Spaces the lntox icated motor-cars and tax i-cabs da rted and torew i th the fol ly of moths and the fu ry of dest royers .

They stu ng the a i r w i th the i r hoot i ng . Flags , intox ica ted flags

,st i l l hung from the i r eng i nes . They

came fly i ng drunken ly out of the dark , l i ke a t rumpeti ng swarm o f enormous i nsects , i r resi st ib ly , incessa ntly drawn to the l igh ts of the Palace , hypnot i sedby the golden-wh i te facade .

Sudd en ly , M ichael’s sou l revol ted .

I f th i s demen ted herd of sw i ne i s a great peoplego ing i n to a great war, God help us"Beasts—i t ’snot as i f their b loated sk i ns were l i ke ly to bepunctu red .

He cal l ed back ove r h i s shou lde rs to the others .

k

“Let

’

s get out of th i s . I f we don ’ t I shal l beS IC

He took Dorothy by her a rm and shou lde red h i sway out .

The wate r had ceased play i ng i n the founta i n .

N icholas and Ve ron ica stood by the fou n ta i n . Thewate r i n the bas i n was green l i ke fou l sea-water . Thejet sam of the crowd floated there . A smal l ch i l dl eaned ove r the edge of the bas i n and fished for



But Anthony was not exc i ted . He had neve r fe l tca lmer or coole r i n h i s l i fe .

He retu rned some t ime afte r m idn ight . By thatt ime i t had su nk i n to h im . Germany had d efied theu l t imatum and England had declared wa r on

Germany .

He sa id i t was on ly what was to be foreseen . Hehad known al l the t ime that i t wou ld happen—rea l ly .

The tens i on of the day of the u l t imatum had th i specu l ia r psycho log ica l eff ec t that a l l over Englandpeop le who had dec la red up to the last m i n u te thatthere wou ld be no War were say i ng the same th i ngas Anthony and be l i ev i ng i t .

M ichael was d i sgusted w i th the event that had putan end to the I r i sh Revol u t i on . I t was i n th is formthat he conce ived h i s fi rs t grudge aga i nst the War .Th is emot ion of h i s was l i ke some empty space

of horror Opened up between h im and N icholas ; N ickybei ng the on ly one of h is fam i ly who was as yet awareof i ts ex i stence .

For the next th ree days N icholas , very se r ious andearnest , shu t h imsel f up i n h i s workshop at the bottomof the orchard an d labou red the re , put t i ng the lasttouches to the final , perfect , au thor i tat ive form of theMov i ng Fort ress , the jo i n t c reat ion of h is b ra i n andDrayton

’

s, the on ly exper imen t that had su rv i ved therepeated onslaughts of the Major ’s c r i t i c i sm . Thenew model was th ree t imes the s ize of the lostor ig ina l ; i t was less l i ke a batt l esh ip and more l i ke arac i ng-ca r and a dest roye r . I t was h is and Drayton

’

s

l ast word on the subj ec t of armaments .I t was go i ng to the War O ffi ce

,th i s t ime

,

addressed to the r igh t person , and a ccompan ied bya l l sorts of p rotect ive i n t roduct ions

,and D rayton

b last i ng its way befo re i t w i th h i s new explos ive .

I n those th ree days N icky found an immensed ist ract ion i n h i s Mov i ng Fort ress . I t a l so se rved

Victory 25 1

t o b l i nd h i s fam i ly to h is real i n ten t ions . He knewthat h i s rea l i nten t ions cou ld not be kep t from themvery long . Meanwh i le the idea that he was work i ngon some th i ng made them happy . When Francessaw h im i n h i s ove ra l ls she sm i l ed and sa id“ N icky ’ s got his j ob , anyhow .

” John came andlooked a t h im through the w i ndow of the workshopand l aughed .

Good o ld N icky , he sa id . Doi ng h i s b i t"I n those th ree days John wen t abou t w i th an

a i r of agreeab le exc i temen t ; or you came upon h ims i tt i ng i n sol i ta ry p laces

,l i ke the d i n i ng-room , lost

i n happy thought ; M ichae l sai d of h im that he wasunctuous . He exuded a secret joy and sat i sfact ion .

John had acqu i red a sudden remarkab le m atu ri ty .

He shone on each member of h i s fam i ly wi th a beh evolence and aff ect ion

,as i f he were i ts p rotecto r and

consoler,and about to confer on i t some t remendous

benefi t .“ Look at Don-Don , M ichael sa id . The blood

th i rst y l i tt l e b rute . He ’ s pos i t i ve ly enjoy i ng theWar . ”

“You m ight leave m e alone , sa i d Don-Don .

I shan ’ t have i t to enjoy for long .

”

He was one of those who be l ieved that the Warwou l d be over i n fou r months .Michael , p ledged to secrecy , came and looked at

the Mov i ng Fort ress . He was i nte rested and in

tell igent ; he admi red that effi c iency of N icky’s that

was so un l i ke h is own .

Yet he wondered,after a l l

,was i t so un l i ke He

,

too , was a im i ng at an art as clean and hard andpowerfu l as N icky ’ s

,as naked of al l b lazon ry and

decorat i on , an art wh ich wou ld atta i n i ts object iveby the s implest , most pe rfect ad j ustmen t of meansto ends .

And Anthony was proud of that h i dd en wonde rlocked beh i nd the doo r of the workshop i n theorchard . He real i sed that h is son N icholas had


taken part i n a great and importan t th i ng . He wasprouder of N icholas than he had been of M ichae l .And M ichae l knew i t .N icky ’s bra i n s cou ld be used fo r the se rv ice of

h i s coun try .

Bu t M ichael ’s ? Anthony sa id to h imse l f thatthere wasn ’ t any sen se—any sense that he cou ldendu re to con template— in wh ich M ichae l ’s bra i nscou ld be of any use to h is cou n t ry . When An thonythough t of the mob i l i sa t i on of h i s fam i ly for na t i ona lse rv i ce

,M ichae l and M ichael ’s b ra i ns we re a prob lem

that he pu t beh i nd h im for the presen t and refusedto con templa te . There wou ld be t ime enough forM ichae l late r .Anthony was perfect ly we l l aware of h is own one

ta len t,the ta len t wh ich had mad e “ Harr i son and

Harr i son ” the b i ggest t imber- impor t i ng fi rm i nEngland . I f there was one th i ng he unders tood i twas organ i sat ion . I f t here was one t h i ng he cou ldnot tole rate i t was waste of good mater ia l

,the fo l ly

of forc i ng men and women i nto p laces they we re no tfi t for. He had l et h is e ldest son s l i p out of thebus i ness w i thou t a pang , or w i th hardly any pang .

He had on ly taken N icholas i n to i t as an exper imen t .I t was on John that he re l ied to i nher i t i t and carryi t farther .As a man of bus i ness he approved o f the adv er

tised formu la"“ Bus iness as Usual . ” He understoodi t to mean tha t the duty wh ich England expec tedevery man to do was to s tay i n the p lace he wasmost fi t ted for and to go where he wa s mos t wanted .

Noth i ng bu t mudd le and d i sas ter cou ld fol low anydepartu re f rom th i s ru l e .

I t was fi tt i ng that Frances and Veron ica shou lddo Red Cross work . I t was fi tt i ng that Dorothyshou ld help to organ i se the re l ief of the Belg ianre fugees . I t wa s fi t t i ng that John shou ld s tay athome and carr y on the bus i ness , and that he ,Anthony , shou ld en l i st when he had sett led John



i l l ust rat ions by Aust i n M i tchel l , and the NewPoems ”

of M ichae l Harr i son , wi th i l l ust rat ions byAust i n M i tche l l , were to have come out i n Sep tember .Bu t i t was not conce ivable that they shou ld come out .At the fi rst rumou r of the u l t imatum M ichael

and El l i s had given themse lves up for lost .

L iege fe l l and Namur was fa l l i ng .

And the cal l wen t on for recru i ts,and fo r st i l l

more recru i ts . And N icky i n five seconds had de

st royed h i s mother ’s i l l us ion s and the whole fab r i cof h i s fathe r ’s p lan s .I t was one even i ng when they were i n the draw ing

room , s i t t i ng up afte r Veron i ca had gone to bed .

“ I hope you won ’ t m ind,Fathe r

,

” he sa id ; bu tI

’

m go i ng to en l i st to—morrow .

”

He d id not look at h i s fathe r ’ s face . He lookedat h i s mother ’s . She was s i t t i n g opposi te h im on

the couch bes ide Dorothy . John ba lanced h imse l fon the head of the couch w ith h is arm round h i smothe r ’ s shou lder . Every now and then he stoopeddown and rubbed h i s cheek thoughtfu l ly against he rha i r .A sl igh t t remor shook her sens i t i ve , betray i ng

upper l i p ; then she looked back at N icholas and

sm i led .

Dorothy set he r mouth hard,unsm i l i ng .

Anthony had sa i d noth i ng . He sta red befo re h imat M ichae l ’ s foot , th rust out and t i l ted by the c ross i ngof h is knees . M ichae l ’ s foot

,wi th i ts long

,arched

i nstep , fasc i nated Anthony . He seemed to be th i nki ng"“ I f I look at i t long enough I may forge t whatN icky has sa id .

”

I hope you won’ t m i nd , Father ; but I ’m en

l i st i n g too .

”

John ’ s vo i ce was a l ight,h igh echo of N icky ’s .

With a great effo rt Anthony roused h imse l f fromh i s contemplat ion of Michael ’s foot .

Victory 255

I—can ’ t—see—that my m i nd i ng—o r not m i ndi ng—has anyth i ng—to do—with i t . ”

He brought h i s words ou t s low ly and w i th separatee ff orts

, as i f they we i ghed heav i ly on h i s tongue .“We ’ve got to cons ider what ’s best fo r the countrya l l round

,and I doubt i f e i the r of you i s cal led upon

to o .

”

g“

S ome of u s have got to go , sa id N icky .

Qu i te so . Bu t I don ’ t th i n k i t ough t to be you ,N icky ; or John e i ther .”

“ I suppose,sa id M i chael

,you mean i t ought

to be me .

“ I don ’ t mean anyth ing of the so rt . One out offou r ’s enough .

”

“ One out of fou r ? Wel l thenThat on ly leaves me to fight

,

” sa id Dorothy .

I wasn ’ t th i nk i ng of you,M ichael ; or of

Dorothy .

”

They al l looked at h im where he sat , upr igh t and nob le

,i n h i s cha i r

,and most absu rdly

young .

Dorothy sa id u nder he r breath Oh , you darl ingDaddy .

”

You won ’ t be al lowed to go , anyhow ,sa id John

to h i s father . “ You needn ’ t th i n k i t .”

He hadn ’ t the heart to say" Be

ca u se you ’ re too o ld .

“ N icky ’s b ra i ns wi l l be m ore use to the count rythan my old carcass .”

N icky thought"You ’ re the very last of us thatcan be spared . But he cou ldn ’

t say i t . The th i ngwas so obv ious . Al l he sa id was" I t

’

s out of thequest ion , you r go i ng .

“ Old N icky ’s ou t of the quest ion , i f you l i ke ,sa id John .

“He

’

s go i ng to be marr ied He oughtto be th i nk i ng of h i s w i fe and ch i ld ren .

“Of course he ought ,

”sa id An thony . Who

ever goes fi rst , it i sn’ t Nickv .

”


You ough t to th i nk of M ummy,Daddy ducky ;

and you ought to th i nk of u s ,” sa id Dorothy .

I ,” sa id John , “ haven ’ t got anybody to th i nk

of . I ’m not go i ng to be marr i ed,and I haven ’ t any

ch i ld ren .

”

“I haven ’ t go t a wi fe and ch i ld ren yet

,sa i d

N icky .

You ’ve got Veron ica . You ought to th i n k of

I am th i nk i ng of her . You don ’ t supposeV eron ica

’

d stop me i f I wan ted to go ? Why , she

wou ldn ’ t look at me i f I d id n ’ t wan t to go .

Sudden ly he remembered M ichae l .I mean , he sa id ,

“ afte r my saying that I wasgo i ng .

”

The i r eyes met . M ichae l ’s fl i c kered . He knewthat N icky was th i nk i ng of h im .

Then Ronny knows ? sa id Frances .Of course she knows . You aren ’ t go i ng to t ry

to stop me,Mothe r ? ”

“No ,

”she sa i d .

“ I ’m not go i ng to t ry to stopyou—th i s t ime .

”

She thought" I f I hadn ’ t stopped h im sevenyears ago , he wou ld be safe now,

wi th the Army i nI nd ia .

”

One by one they got up and sa id Good n i ghtto each othe r .But N icholas came to M ichael i n h i s room .

He sa id to h im "“ I say , M ick , don’ t you worry

abou t not en l i st i ng . At any rate,not yet. Don ’ t

worry abou t Don and Daddy . They won ’ t take Donbecause he ’

s got a m i t ra l mu rmu r i n h is heart tha t hedoesn ’ t know about . He ’ s go i ng to be j ol ly we l lsol d , poo r chap . And they won ’ t take the guv ’ norbecause he ’

s too old ; though the dear old th ingth i

kks he can b l u ff them i n to i t because he doesn ’ t

100 i t .



You ought to th i nk of M ummy,Daddy ducky ;

and you ought to th i nk of u s ,” sa id Dorothy .

I sa id John , “ haven ’ t got anybody to th i nkof . I m not go i ng to be marr ied

,and I haven ’ t any

ch i ldren .

”

“I haven ’ t go t a wi fe and ch i ld ren yet

,sa id

N icky .

You ’ve got Veron ica . You ought to th i n k of

I am th i nk i ng of her . You don ’ t supposeV eron ica

’

d stop me i f I wanted to go ? Why , she

wou ldn ’ t look at me i f I d idn ’ t want to go .

Sudden ly he remembered M ichae l .I mean , he sa id ,

“ afte r my saying that I wasgo i ng .

”

The i r eyes met . M ichae l ’s fl i ckered . He knewthat N icky was th i nk i ng of h im .

Then Ronny knows ? sa id Frances .Of cou rse she knows . You aren ’ t go i ng to t ry

to stop me,Mothe r ? ”

No ,

”she sa i d .

“ I ’m not go i ng to t ry to stopyou—th i s t ime .

”

She thought" I f I hadn ’ t stopped h im sevenyears ago , he wou ld be safe now, wi th the Army i nI nd ia .

”

One by one they got up and sa id Good n ightto each othe r .But N icholas came to M ichael i n h i s room .

He sa id to h im"“ I say,M ick , don

’ t you worryabou t not en l i st i ng . At any rate

,not yet. Don

’ tworry abou t Don and Daddy . They won ’ t take Donbecause he ’

s got a m i t ra l mu rmu r i n h is heart that hedoesn ’ t know about . He ’s go i ng to be jol ly we l lsol d , poo r chap . And they won ’ t take the guv ’norbecause he ’ s too old ; though the dear old th ingth ir

llks he can b l uff them i n to i t because he doesn ’ t

l oo it .

Victory 257

And look here—don’ t worry abou t me . As far

as I ’m concerned,the War ’s a bless i ng i n d i sgu ise .

I a lways wan ted to go i n to the Army . You knowhow I loathed i t when they wen t and stopped me .Now I ’m going i n

,and nobody—not even mothe r

real ly wants to keep me ou t . Soon they ’ l l a l l be asp leased as Punch abou t i t .

“ And I sort of know how you fee l about the War .You don ’ t wan t to st i ck bayonets i n to German tummies j ust because they ’ re so la rge and oodgy . You ’

d

th i nk o f that fi rs t and al l the t ime and afte rwards .And I shan ’ t th i nk of i t a t a ll .Besi des , you d i sapp rove of the War for al l sorts

of reasons that I can ’ t get hold of . But i t ’ s l i ke th i syou cou ldn ’ t respect you rse l f i f you wen t i n to i t ;and I cou ld n ’ t respect myse l f i f I stayed out .

”

I wonder,

” M ichael sa id,i f you

'

rea lly see i t .Of cou rse I see i t . That ’s the worst of you

cleve r wr i t i ng chaps . You seem to th i nk nobody caneve r see any th i ng except you rse lves .When he had left h im M ichael thought" I

wo

gder i f he real ly does see ? Or i f he made i t al l

uThey had not sa id to each other al l that they had

real ly mean t . Of N icky ’s many words there wereon ly two that he remembered v iv i d ly

,

“ Not yet . ”

Aga i n he fel t the horror of the great empty spaceopened up between h im and N icky

, d eep and st i l land soundless

,but for the two words “ Not yet .”

I ’

l‘ was as N icholas had sa id . An thony and Johnwere rejected"Anthony on accoun t of h i s age , Johnbecause of the m i t ra l murmu r that he d i dn ’ t knowabou tThe guv ’ nor had l ied , John sa id , l i ke a good

’

un ; swore he was unde r th i rty-five and stuck to i t .He m ight have had a chance i f he ’d left i t at that ,because he looked a j ol ly s i gh t be tte r than most of ’emwhen he was st r ipped . But they ’d g iven h im so

good an i n n i ngs that the poor old th ing got aboveh imse l f , and spun them a yarn about h i s ha i r hav i ng

gone grey from a recen t shock . That d i shed h im .

hey sa id they knew that sort of hai r ; they’d been

see i ng a lot of i t l ate l yAnthony was depressed . He sa id b i tter th i ngs

abou t “ red tape,and declared that i f that was the

way th i ngs were go i ng to be managed i t was a badlook-out fo r the count ry . John was fu r ious . Hesaid the man who exam i ned h im was a blasted id iotwho d idn ’ t know h is own rotten bus i ness . He ’d actual ly had the beast ly cheek to tel l h im that he d idn ’ twan t h im dropp i ng down dead when he wen t i n toact ion , or fa intin f rom shee r exc i temen t afte r they ’dbeen to the troub e and expense of t ra i n i n g h im . Asi f he ’d be l i ke ly to do a damn si l ly th i ng l i ke that .He ’d never been exc i ted i n h i s l i fe . I t was enoughto g iv e h im heart-d i sease .

S o John and Anthony fol lowed the example ofthe i r women

,and jo i ned the ambu lance classes of the

Red Cross . And p resen t ly they learned to the i rd isgust that

,though they m ight poss ib ly be accep ted

258


The Tree of Heaven

they wen t on con tend i ng,susta i ned by the i r extra

ord i nary i l l us ion .

Aunt Lou ie , d i sp lay i ng a n u nexpected and prematu re dexter i ty w i th bandages

,was conv i nced that

she wou ld be se n t to the Front i f nobody e lse was .

Aun t Emmel i ne and Aun t Ed i th,i n sta tes of cerebra l

exc i temen t,wh i le st i l l st ruggl i ng to find each othe r ’s

arter ies,dec lared that they were goi ng to the Front .

They saw no earth ly reason why they shou ld notgo there . Uncle Maur i ce haunted the Emergencyc lass- rooms at the Polytechn i c

,wear i ng an Esmarch

t r iangu la r bandage round h i s neck,and vol un teered

as an i nst ructo r . He got mixed up w i th h i s bandages

,and final ly conse nted to the use of h i s person

as a lay-figure for pract ica l demonst rat ions wh i le hewa i ted for h i s o rders to go to the Fron t .They forbore to comment on the palpable ab

su rd i ty of each other ’s hopes .For

,with the fi rst outb reak of the War

,the th ree

M iss Flem i ngs had ceased from mutual rec r im i nat ion . They were shocked i n to a cu r iou s gent lenessto each othe r . Every even i ng the old schoo l room

(M ichae l’ s study)was tu rned i n to a Red Cross de

monst rat ion ha l l , and there the queer s ight was tobe seen of Lou ie , placab le and tender , show i ng Ed i thove r and over aga i n how to ad j u st a scalp bandageon Emmel i ne ’ s head

,and of Emmel i ne mot ion less

for hou rs u nd er Ed ie ’ s l i t t le,c l umsy , p i nch in g fingers .

I t was thus,w ith smal l v ib rat ions of tenderness and

char i ty,that they responded to the vast rhythm of

the War .And Grann ie

,immutable i n her aged w isdom and

malevolence , pushed out he r lower l i p at them .

“ I f you th ree wou ld leave off that fol ly and s it

down and kn i t,you m ight be some use ,

” sa idGran n ie . Ki tchener says that i f every woman i nEngland kn i t ted from morn i ng t i l l n i ght he wou ldn ’ thave enough socks for h i s Army .

Grann ie kn i tted f rom morn i ng t i l l n ight . She

Victory 261

kn i t ted conspi cuously , as a protest aga i nst bandageprac t i ce ; g iv i ng to he r soft and gen t le act ion an a i ro f ene rgy i n im i ca l to he r th ree unmarr ied da ughtegs .

And no t even Lou ie had the heart to te l l her that al lhe r kn i tt i ng had to be u n rave l led overn ight , to savethe wool .

“ A set of s i l ly women , gett i ng i n Ki tchener’ s

way,and wast i ng khak iGrann ie behaved as i f the War were he r p ri vate

and persona l a ffa i r , as i f K i tchene r were her r i ghthand man , and al l the other women were i n terfer in gw i th them .

Yet i t looked as i f a l l the women wou ld be mob il ised before a l l the men . The gates of Hol lowaywe re opened

,and Mrs . B la thwa ite and her fol lowe rs

rece ived a free pardon on the i r p ledge to absta i n fromv iolence du r i ng the per iod of the War . And instan t ly ,i n the fi rst week of war

,the Su ffrage Un ions and

Leagues and Soc i et i es (al ready organ i sed and di scip l ined by seven years

’ method i ca l res i stance) presented the i r l ate enemy

,the Governmen t , w ith an

i nst rument of nat iona l se rv ice made to its hand , andnone the worse because o r ig i nal l y dev i sed fo r i t sto rtu re and embarrassment .The l i t t le vortex of the Woman ’s Movemen t was

swep t w i thout a sound i nto the immense vortex ofthe War . The women rose up al l over England andwen t i n to un i form .

And Dorothea appeared one day wear i ng thekhak i t un i c

,breeches and pu ttees of the Women ’s

Serv i ce Corps . She had jo i ned a motor-ambu lanceas chau ff eu r , dr iv i ng the b ig Morss car that Anthonyhad given to i t . Dorothea real ly had a chance ofbe i ng sen t to Belg i um before the end of the month .

Meanwh i le she convoyed Belgian refugees fromCan non S treet Stat ion .

She saw noth ing before he r as yet . Her m ind


was l i ke Cannon Stree t Stat ion—a dread fu l tw i l i tterm i nus i n to wh i ch a l l the horror and m i se ry ofBelg i um pou red and was congested .

Cannon St ree t S tat ion . Presen t ly i t was as i fshe were spend i ng al l her l i fe that coun ted there ;as i f for years she had been fam i l i a r w i th the scene .Arch upon i ron arch , and gi rde r afte r i ron gi rder

hold i ng up the b l u rred t ransparency of the roo f .I ron ra i l s ru nn i ng u nde r the long roof

,that was l i ke

the roof of a tunne l Open at one end . By day agrey ish l ight

,fi l te red through smoke and gr i t and

steam . Lamps , Opaque wh i te globes , hangi ng i nthe th ick a i r l i ke d ead moons . By n i ght a b lu i shl ight , and large , wh i te g lobes grown Opalescent l i kemoons

,l i t aga i n to a ghast ly , ru i nous l i fe .

The i ron breasts Of eng i nes,huge and t r i umphant

,

advanc i ng u nd er the immense fan l ight of the openarch . Long tra i n s of carr iages packed t igh t w i thpackages , wi th enormous bundles ; human heads appear i ng

,here and there

,above the swol len cu rves

of the bund les ; human bodies emerg i ng i n thest ruggl e to br i ng forth the bund les th rough thenarrow doors .

For the fi rst few weeks the War meant to Dorothea , not b leed i ng wounds and death , but j ust theset ra i n- load s of refugees—j ust th i s one i nc red ib le spectac le O f Belgi um pour i n

gi tse l f i n to Cannon S t reet

Stat i on . Her c lear har m i nd t r ied and fa i led to

grasp the sequences of wh ich the final ac t was thed a i ly u n load i ng O f tons of men , women and ch i ldrenon Cannon Street p lat fo rm . Yesterday they we res tagger i ng u nde r those bund l es along the i r st ra ight ,flat roads be tween the ever last i n g rows o f poplars ;the i r towns and v i l lages flamed and smoked beh i ndthem ; some of them ,

goaded l i ke t i red catt l e , had fe l tGerman bayonets at the i r backs—yeste rday . Andth i s morn i ng they were he re , b rave and gay , sm i l i ngat Dorothea as she carr i ed the i r s i ck on her st retche rand the i r smal l ch i ldren i n he r arms .



Dorothea cou ld b r i ng a l l her m i nd to bear on he rBelg ians , because i t was at ease abou t he r own people .

They , at any rate , were safe . Her fathe r and poorDon we re out of i t . M ichae l was not i n it -yet ;though of cou rse he wou ld be i n i t some t ime . Shet r ied not to th i nk too much abou t M ichael . N ickywas sa fe for the n ext s ix months . And Frank wassafe . Frank was t ra i n i ng recru i ts . He had told herhe m igh t be kept i ndefin i te ly at that i n fe rna l job .

But for that he would be figh t i ng now . He wantedher to be sorry for h im ; and she was sorry for h im .

And she was glad too .

One afternoon , late i n August , she had come home ,to sleep t i l l d i nne r-t ime between her day ’ s work andher n ight ’ s work

,when she fou nd h im upsta i rs i n he r

study . He had been there an hou r wa i t i ng for he r byh imsel f . The othe rs were a l l at bandage p ract i ce i nthe school room .

“ I hope you don ’ t m i nd , he sa id . You r mothertold me to wa i t up here .

”

She had come i n st ra igh t from the garage ; the rewas a l igh t fu r of dust on her boots and on theshou lde rs of he r tu n i c . and on her face and ha i r . Herhands were b lack w ith o i l and d i rt from her car .He looked at he r , tak i ng i t a l l i n"the khak i

u n i form (i t was the fi rst t ime he had seen her i n i t),the tu n ic , b reeches and puttees , the l oose fe l t hattu rned up at one s ide , i ts fu nny , boy ish ch i n-st rap ,the dust and d i rt of he r ; and he sm i led . H is sm i lehad none of the cyn ica l der i s ion wh ich had oncegreeted her appearances as a m i l i tan t suff rag ist .

“ And yet ,”

she thought ,“ i f he ’

s cons isten t , heough t to loathe me now .

”

Dorothea . Goi ng to the War , he sa id .

Not yet—worse l uck .

Are you go i ng as part of the Canad ian con

t i ngen t from overseas , o r what ?“ I w i sh I was . DO you th i nk they ’d take me i f I

cu t my hai r Off ?

Victory

They m ight . They m igh t do anyth i ng . Th i si s a most extrao rd i nary war .”

I t’

s a wa r that makes i t detestab le to be ' awoman .

“ I thought For a momen t h i s o ld un

gove rnabl e dev i l rose i n h im .

“What d id you th i nk ? ”

No matte r . That ’s a l l anc ien t h istory . I say ,

you look l ike bus i ness . Do you real ly mean i t ?Are you rea l ly go i ng to Flanders ?

“Do you suppose any woman wou ld go and get

herse l f up l i ke th i s i f she wasn ’ t go i ng somewhere ? ”

He sa id (su rp r i s i ngly),“ I don ’ t see what ’s wrong

wi th i t . ” And then" I t makes you look abou te ighteen .

That ’s because you can ’ t see my face for the

For the ch i n-st rap,you mean . Dorothy—do you

real i se that you ’ re not e i ghteen ? You ’ re e igh t andtwen ty .

“ I do , she sa id . Bu t I rathe r hoped you d idn ’ t ;or that i f you d id , you wou ldn

’ t say so .

”

I real i se that I ’m th i rty-e ight , and that betweenus we ’ve made a p ret ty mess of each other ’s l ives .”

“ Have I made a mess of your l i fe ?”

A bea st ly mess .”

“ I ’m sorry . I wou ldn ’ t have done i t for the worldi f I ’d known . You know I wou ldn ’ t .”

“ But one doesn ’ t know th i ngs .”

One doesn ’ t i f one ’s Dorothea . One knows some

th i ngs awfu l ly wel l ; bu t not the th i ngs that matte r .”

“Wel l—but what cou ld I do ? she sa i d .

You cou ld have done what you can do now . Youcou ld have marr ied me . And we wou ld have hadth ree

Xyears o f each other .ou mea n th ree cen tu r i es . There was a reason

why we cou ldn ’ t manage i t . ”

There wasn ’ t a reason . There i sn ’t any reason


Look here—to-day ’ s Wednesday . Wil l youmarry me on Fr iday i f I ge t leave and a l i cenceand fix i t up to-morrow ? We shal l have threedays .

“ Three d ays . She seemed to be say i ng toherse l f that for th ree days NO

,i t wasn ’ t worth

wh i le .

“Wel l , th ree months perhaps . Perhaps s ix, i fmy rotten l uck doesn ’ t change . Because , I

’m do i ngmy leve l best to make i t change . So , you see, it

’

s gotto be one th i ng or anothe r . ”

And st i l l she seemed to be cons ide r i ng"Was i tor was i t not worth wh i l e

“ For God ’s sake don ’ t say you’ re go i ng to make

cond i t ions . There real ly i sn ’ t t ime for i t . You ca n

th i nk what you l ike and say what you l i ke and dowhat you l i ke

,and wear anyth i ng—wear a busby—I

shan ’ t ca re i f you ’ l l on ly marry me .

”

“ Yes . That ’s the way you go on . And yet youdon ’ t say you love me . You neve r have sa id i t .You—you ’ re leav i ng me to do al l that . ”

“Why—what e lse have I been do i ng for sevenyears ? N i ne years-“ ten years ? ”

“ Noth i ng . Noth i ng at a l l . You j ust seem toth i nk that I can go off and get marr ied toa man wi thou t know i ng whether he cares for me or

not .And now i t ’s too late . My hands a re al l d i rty .

S o’

s my face—filthy—you mustn ’ t

“ I don ’ t ca re . They ’ re you r hands . I t’

s you rface . I don ’ t ca re .The ch i n -st rap , the absu rd ch i n-st rap , f ret ted h i s

mouth . He laughed . H e sa id ,“ She takes her hat

off when she goes i n to a scr immage , and she keeps i ton n ow"”She loosened the st rap , l augh i ng , and th rew her

hat , the ha t of a Canad ian t roope r , on to the floo r .H i s mouth moved ove r her face , over her ha i r , pressi ng hard i n to the i r softness ; h i s arms c lasped hershou lders ; they sl i pped to her wa ist ; he st ra i ned he r



And yet i t was from that morn i ng—from five

th i rty a .m .—that we seemed to go wrong .

“ There ’ s someth i ng I wan ted most awfu l ly to say ,

i f you cou ld stand go i ng back to i t for j ust one second .

Do you remember say i ng that I d idn ’ t care ? ThatI neve r thought of you when you were i n p r i son , or

wondered what you were fee l i ng ? That’

s what pu tme Off . I t hu rt so atroc iou sly that I cou ldn ’ t sayanyth i ng .

I t wasn ’ t t rue that I d idn ’ t th i nk abou t you . Ithought abou t noth i ng e lse when I wasn ’ t work i ng ;I nearly wen t off my head w i th th i nk ing .

“ And you said I d idn ’ t l i sten to what you told me .

That wasn ’ t t rue . I was l i sten i ng l i ke anyth i ng .

”

“ Darl i ng—what did I te l l youOh—about the th i ng you ca l led your exper ience ,

or you r adventu re , or someth i ng .

”

My adven tu reThat ’s what you cal led i t . A sort O f dream

you had i n p r i son . I cou ldn ’ t say anyth i ng becauseI was stup id . I t was beyond me . I t ’ s beyond menow .

”

“ Never m i nd my adven tu re . What does it

matte rI t matte rs awfu l ly . Because I cou ld see tha t i t

mean t someth i ng b ig and importan t that I cou ldn ’ tget the hang of . I t u sed to bother me . I kep t ont ry i ng to ge t i t , and not get t i ng i t . ”

“ You poor dear"And I ’ve forgotten i t . I t d idfee l fr ightfu l ly b ig and importan t and real at the t ime .And now i t ’s as i f i t had happened to somebody e lse

'

—to Veron i ca or somebody—not me .

”

“ I t was much more l i ke Veron ica . I do u nde rstand the rest of that bus i ness . Now

,I mean . I own

I d idn ’ t a t the t ime .”

“ I t ’s al l ove r,Frank , and forgotten . Swal lowed

Up i n the War .”

“You

’ re not swal lowed up .

Perhaps I shal l be .

”

Victory 269

Wel l,i f you a re—if I am —al l the more reason

why I wan t you to know that I u nderstand what youwere dr iv i ng at . I t was th i s way , wasn

’ t i t ? You ’d

got to fight,j ust as I ’ve got to fight . You cou ldn ’ t

keep out of it any more than I can keep ou t Of th i sWar .

“ You cou ldn ’ t stay ou t j ust for me any more thanI can stay ou t for j ust you .

“ And in a sort Of way I ’m i n i t for you . And i na sort of way you were i n it—in that damnab lesu ffrage bus i ness—for me .

“How c lever of you ,”she sa id , to see i t"

I d idn ’ t see i t then ,” he sa id s imp ly , because

there wasn ’ t a war on . We ’ve both had to pay fo r mystup id i ty .

”

And m i ne . And my coward ice . I ought to havet rusted you to see, or r i sked i t . We shou ld have hadth ree—no , two—yea rs .

”

“Wel l , anyhow , we’ve got th i s even i ng .

We haven ’ t . I ’ve got to dr i ve Belg ians fromn i ne t i l l past m idn ight .”

“We ’ve got Fr iday . Suppose they ’ l l g ive meleave to get marr ied i n . I say—how abou t to-morroweven i ng ? ”

“ I can ’ t . Yes , I can . At least,I shal l . There ’s a

g i rl I k now who ’ l l dr i ve fo r me . They ’ l l have to givem e leave to get marr ied i n , too .

She thought “ I can ’ t go to Flanders now,un less

he ’s sen t ou t . I f he is, noth i ng shal l stop me bu t h i scom ing back aga i n .

”

I t seemed to her on ly fa i r and fi t t i ng that theyshou ld snatch at the i r happ i ness and secu re i t , befo rethe i r hou r came .

She t r i ed to tu rn he r m i nd from the fact that atMons the B ri t i sh l i ne was be i ng p ressed back andback . I t wou ld recover . Of cou rse i t wou ldrecover . We always began l i ke that . We wen tbac

gto go forwards faste r

,when we got i n to our

stri e .


The next even i ng,Thu rsday

,the g i r l she knew

d rove fo r Dorothea .

When Frances was d ress i ng for d in ne r he rdaughte r came to he r w i th two frocks over he r arm .

“ Mummy ducky ,”she sa id ,

“ I th i n k my head ’sgo i ng . I can ’ t tel l whethe r to wear the wh i te th i ng ,or the b lue th i ng . And I feel as i f i t mattered morethan anyth i ng . More than anyth i ng on earth .

”

Frances con s ide red it—Dorothea i n her u n i form ,

and the wh i te frock and the b l ue frock .

I t doesn ’ t matte r a l i tt le b i t , she sa id . I f hecou ld p ropose to you i n that get-up

“ Can ’ t you see tha t I wan t to make up for tha t,and for al l the th i ngs he ’

s m issed , the th i ngs I haven’ t

given h im ? I f on ly I was as beau t i fu l as you,

Mummy , i t wou ldn’ t matte r . ”

“ My dea r—my d earDorothy had never bee n a pathet i c ch i ld—not hal f

so pathet i c as N icky w i th h is reck lessness and h i searache—but th i s grown - up Dorothy i n khak ib reeches

,w ith her tal k abou t wh i te frocks and b l ue

f rocks , made Frances wan t to cry .

Frank was late . And j ust before d i n ne r he te l ephoned to Dorothy that he cou l dn ’ t be w i th her beforen i ne , and that he wou ld on ly have one hou r to give her .Frances and Anthony looked at each othe r . Bu t

Dorothy looked at Veron i ca .

“What ’s the matte r,Ronny ? You look s imp ly

aw fu l . ”

“ Do I ? My head ’s sp l i t t i ng . I th i nk I ’ l l go andl ie down .

You ’d better .Go st ra igh t to bed , sa id Frances ; and let

Nanna b r i ng you some hot soup .

Bu t Veron ica d id not wan t Nanna and hot soup .

She on ly wanted to take hersel f an d her awfu l l ookaway ou t of Dorothy ’s s ight .



wan t to get marr ied to-morrow . Then they saythey ’ re sorry

,bu t you r march i ng orders are fixed for

that day .

Twelve hou rs i sn ’ t much not ice to g ive a fe l low .

He had not looked at Dorothy . He had not Spokento he r . He was speak ing to Anthony and John andFrances who were ask i ng quest i ons abou t t ra i n s andboats and h is k i t and h i s people . He looked as i f hewere not consc ious of Dorothy ’s eyes fixed on h im ashe sat , S l owly st i rr i ng h is coff ee w i thou t dr i nk i ng i t .The v ib rat i on of her nerves made h is answers sou ndmu ffled and far-off .

She knew that her hou r was dw i nd l i ng S l owly ,wast i ng , pass i ng from her m i nu te by m i nu te as theyta l ked . She had an i n tole rab le long i ng to be alonew i th h im , to be taken i n h is a rms ; to fee l what She hadfel t yesterday . I t was as i f he r sou l stood st i l l there ,i n yesterday

,and refused to move on i n to to-day .

Yet She was glad of the i r ta l k i ng . I t pu t off theend . When they stopped tal k i ng and got up and lefthe r a lone w i th h im

,that wou ld be the end .

Sudden ly he looked st ra igh t at her . H is handst rembled . The cup he had not dru nk from ra t t led i ni ts sauce r . I t seemed to Dorothea that for a momentthe whole room was hushed to l isten to that smal lsound . She saw he r mothe r take the cup from h imand se t i t on the tab le .

One by one they got up , and sl un k out of theroom , a s i f they were gu i l ty , and left her a lone w i thh im .

I t was not l i ke yeste rday . He d id not take her i nh i s a rms . He sat there , look i ng a t her ratheranx iously , keep i ng h i s d istance . He seemed to bewonde r i ng how she was go i ng to take i t .He thought"“ I ’ve made a mess of i t aga i n . I t

wasn ’ t fa i r to make he r want me—when I m ight haveknown . I ough t to have left i t . ”

Victory 273

And sudden ly her sou l swung rou nd , re l eased fromyeste rday .

She knew what he had wanted yeste rday that he rsenses Shou l d be ready to fo l low where her heart l ed .

But that was not the read i ness he requ i red from herto-day ; rather i t was what h i s anx ious eyes imp loredher to pu t away from her .There was someth i ng more .

He wasn ’ t go i ng to say the obv iou s th i ngs , theWel l , th i s is hard l uck on both of u s . You mustbe b rave . Don ’ t make i t too hard for me . (She cou ldhave made i t i n tole rab le .) I t wasn

’ t that . He knewshe was b rave ; he knew She wou ldn ’ t make i t hardfor h im ; he knew he hadn

’ t got to say the Obv iousth i ngs .

There was someth i ng more ; someth ing‘t re

mendous . I t came to her w i th the powe r and sweetness O f fi rst pass ion ; bu t w i thou t i ts, fea r . She nolonge r wanted h im to take her i n h i s a rms and holdher as he had held her yeste rday . Her sw i ng i ng sou lwas steady ; i t v ib rated to an i n tense r rhythm .

She knew no th i ng now bu t that what She saw wasreal , and that they were see i ng i t together . I t wasReal i ty i tse l f . I t was more than they . When rea l isa

t ion passed i t wou ld e ndu re .

Never as long as they l ived wou ld they be ab l e tospeak of i t , to say to each othe r what i t was they fe l tand saw .

He sa id , I shal l have to go soon .

And she sa id , I know . I s there anyth i ng Ican do ? ”

I w ish you ’d go and see"my mother some t ime .

She ’d l i ke i t .”

“ I shou ld love to go and see her . What el seWel l— I ’ve no bus i ness to ask you

,but I w ish

you ’d give i t up .

”

“ I ’ l l g ive anyth i ng up . Bu t what ?


That ambulance of you rs that ’s go i ng to get i n tothe fi r i ng l i ne .

”

6 6

I know why you wan t to get there . You wan t totackle the hardest and most dangerous job . Natu ra l ly .

But i t won ’ t make i t easie r fo r u s to w i n the War .You can ’ t expect u s to fight so comfy , and to be k i l ledso comfy , i f we know ou r womenk i nd are be i ngpou nded to b its i n the grou nd we

’ve j ust c leared . I fI though t you were knock i ng abou t anywhe rethere

“ I t wou ld make i t too hard ?I t wou ld make me jumpy . The chances are I

ghou

d

ldn’

t have much t ime to th i n k abou t i t , bu t whend i

“ You ’d th i nk She m ight have spared me that"Yes . And you m ight th i nk of you r people . I t ’s

bad enough for them N icky go i ng .

”

I t i sn ’ t on ly that I ’d have l i ked to be where you ’ l lbe , and where he

’ l l be . That was natu ra l . ”

“ I t ’ s a lso natu ra l that we Shou ld l i ke to find youhere when we come back .

“ I was th i nk i ng of those Be lg ian women,and the

bab ies—and England ; SO safe , Frank ; so d isgust i nglysafe .

”

“I know . Leav ing the ch i l dren i n the bu rn i ng

house ? ”

(She had sa id that once and he had remembered .)“You can

‘

do more fo r them by stay ing i nEngland—I

’

m ask i ng you to take the ha rdest j ob ,real ly .

”

I t i sn ’ t ; i f it’

s what you wan t most .He had r i sen . He was goi ng . H is hands we re on

her Shou lders , and they were st i l l d iscuss i ng i t as i fi t were the most momentou s th ing

“ Of cou rse,

” She sa id , “ I won ’ t go i f you feel l ikethat abou t i t . I wan t you to fight comfy . Youmustn ’ t worry abou t me .

“ Nor you abou t m e . I Shal l be al l r ight . R e



She d idn ’ t bel ieve i n the ret rea t from Mons . I tcou ldn ’ t go on . Re i nforcements had been sen t .Of cou rse they had been sen t . I f Frank was

o rdered Off at twe lve hou rs ’ not ice that mean t re i nforcemen ts

,or there wou ldn ’ t be any sense i n i t .

They wou ld S top the ret reat . We were S i t t i nghere

,safe ; and the least we cou ld do for them was

to t rust them ,and not be l ieve any tales of the i r

retreatmg .

And al l the t ime She wondered how news of h imwou ld come . By w i re ? By lette r ? By telephone ?She was glad that She hadn ’ t got to wa i t at home ,l i sten i ng for the clang i ng O f the garden gate , theknock , the r i ng i ng of the be l l .She wa i ted five days . And on the even i ng Of the

S ixth day the message came from h is mothe r to hermother Tel l you r dear ch i ld for me that my son wask i l led five days ago , i n the re treat from Mons . Andask her to come and see me ; bu t not j ust yet .

”

She had enclosed cop i es of the offi c ia l telegram ;and the letter from h is Colone l .

Afte r Mons , the s iege o f Antwerp . The refugeespou red i n to Can non S tree t S tat ion .

Dorothea t r ied hard to drown her gr ie f i n the gr iefof Belg i um . Bu t she cou ld not drown i t . She cou ldon ly po ison i t w i th thoughts that tu rned i t i n to someth i ng more te rr ib l e than gr ief . They came to herregu lar ly , beg i nn i ng after m idn ight , when she layi n bed and shou ld have S lep t

,worn out wi th her hard

day ’s d r iv i ng .

She thought" I cou l d bea r i t i f I hadn ’ t wastedthe t ime we m ight have had togethe r . Al l those yearsl i ke a foo l—over that S i l l y su ff rage .

I cou ld bear i t i f I hadn ’ t been c rue l to h im .

I ta l ked to h im l ike a b ru te and an id iot . I tol d h imhe d i dn ’ t care for freedom . And he ’

s d ied fo r i t . Heremembered that . I t was one of the l ast th i ngs he

Victory 277

remembe red . He sa id ‘I t

’

s your War—it’

s theb iggest figh t for freedom .

’ And he ’

s k i l led i n i t .I cou ld bea r i t i f I ’d g iven mysel f to h im that

n igh t—even for one n ight .How do you know he ’d have loathed i t ? I

ought to have r i sked i t . I was a coward . He gotnoth ing .

”

H is pers isten t image i n he r memory tortu red her .I t was an i l l u s ion that p rolonged her sense of h ismater ial p resence , u rg i ng i t towards a contact that wasneve r reached . Death had no power over th i s i l l us ion . She cou ld not see Drayton

’

s face dead amongthe dead .

Obsessed by he r i l l us ion She had lost he r holdon the real i ty tha t they had seen and fe l t togethe r .Al l sense of i t was gone , as i f She had dreamed i t ormade i t up .

Presen t ly She wou ld not have her work to keep herfrom th i nk ing . The Ambu lance Corps was go i ng ou tto Flanders at the end of Septembe r, and i t wou ldtake her ca r with i t and a new dr iver .Frances

’

s heart ached when She looked at he r .I f I cou ld on ly help you .

”

You can ’ t , Mummy ducky , She wou ld say . AndShe wou ld get up and leave the room where Franceswas . Somet imes She wou ld go to Veron ica ; bu t moreoften She h id away somewhere by herse l f .Frances thought"“ She is outofmy reach . I can ’

tge t at he r . She ’ l l go to anybody rather than to me .I t u sed to be Rosal i nd . Now it ’

s Veron ica .

”

But Dorothy cou ld not Speak abou t Drayton to hermother .Only to Veron i ca , t ry i ng to comfo rt he r , she sa id ,I cou ld bear i t i f he ’d been k i l led i n an attack . Bu tto go st ra ight , l i ke that , i n to the ret reat . He cou ldn

’ thave had five hou rs ’ fight i n g .

“ And to be k i l led—Retreat i ng .

He got noth i ng ou t of i t bu t agony .

Veron ica sa i d ,“How do you know he got noth i ng


out of i t ? You don t know what he may have got inthe last m i nu te of i t .Ronny

,I don ’ t be l ieve I Shou ld m ind so much i f

I were go i ng out to Flanders— i f the re was the leastl i t t l e chance of a bu l let gett i ng me . But I gave h immy word I wou ldn ’ t go .

“ Do you th i n k I’m bou nd by that— now ?

Now ? You ’ re more bou nd than eve r , becausehe ’ s more near you , more al ive .

“You wou ldn ’ t say that i f you loved h im .

One day a package came to he r from E l tham .

Two notes were enclosed w i th i t , one from Drayton’

s

mother , and one from Drayton .

Frank sa id I was to send you th i s i f he wask i l led . I th i nk he must have known that he wou ld notcome back .

”

MY DEAR DOROTHY , —You w i l l th i nk th i s i s ave ry S i ngu lar bequest . Bu t I wan t you to see that mymemory is fa i rl y good .

The very S i ngu la r bequest was a B ib l e , w ith th reec igarette- l i ghte rs for markers , and a date on the flyl eaf"“ Ju ly sth , The cigarette-l i gh te rs referredher to Psa lm CXLIV .

,and I sa iah XXXV . and XL

and penc i l marks to the ve rses"B lessed be the Lord my stre ngth

,wh ich teacheth

my hands to war,and my fingers to fight

“And an h i ghway shal l be there The re

d eemed shal l wal k there"and the ransomed of theLord shal l retu rn

“ They that wa i t upon the Lord shal l renewthe i r st rength ; they shal l moun t up w i th w ings aseagles ; they Shal l ru n , and not be weary ; they shal lwal k , and not fa i n t .

”

And the i r l ast hou r came back to he r w i th i ts


AFTER Drayton’

s death c es and An thony weresobered and had ceased tofeed on i l l u s ions . TheBatt le of the Marne was mght i n va i n for them .

They d id not be l ieve that i lhad saved Par is .Then came the fa l l ofAntwerp and the Great

Retreat . There was no mre Belg i um . The fal l OfPar i s a nd the tak i ng of Cza is were on ly a quest ionof t ime

,of perhaps a ve r

.

l i t t l e t im e . Then therewou ld be no more F rance They were face to facew i th the fu rthe r poss ib il it

‘of there be i ng no more

Eng land .

I n those mon ths of September and Octobe rAnthony and Frances wertchanged ut ter ly to themse lves and to each othe r . 1, before t he War , Franceshad bee n asked whethe r she l oved England , Shewou ld

, a fte r ca re fu l cons idra tion , have rep l ied tru thfu l l y , “ I l i ke Eng land . ut gl i sh

a re narrrv are snob ish

At the t ime of the Boe r Var,the Brit ish ought to win ,

1 nd

and feel ing a l i t t l e Spuwhen they d id win , she

Victory 281

f rom he r as l ess i1p ortant than the st i tch i ng on he rbaby ’s f rock

,now tlked and thought and dreamed of

noth i ng e l se . S""was sad , not because he r son

N icholas’

s t ime c safety was dw i nd l i ng week byweek

,bu t because England was i n danger ; she was

worr ied, not becaue Lord Ki tchene r was p ract i ca l l y

ask i ng her to g iveup her son M ichae l , bu t becauseshe had found tha the race was to the sw i ft and thebatt le to the st ron,

and that She was c lassed w i thhe r i ncompeten t S i fe rs as too O ld to wa i t on woundedsold ie rs . Every rorn ing she left he r househol d toO l d Nanna ’s care nd wen t down to the C i ty w i thAnthony

,and wored t i l l even i ng i n a room beh i nd

h i s offi ce , rece im g , pack i ng , and send i ng off

great cases of fod and c lo th i n g to the Be l giansold iers .Anthony was and worr i ed , not because he had

th ree sons , al l we u nd e r twen ty-seven , bu t s imp lyand solely becausethe Governmen t pers i sted i n buyi ng the wrong k inrof t imbe r— t imbe r that swel led andsh rank aga i n -forrifles and gu n-carr iages

,and be

cause offic i a l s wouln ’

t l i sten to h im when he t r i ed tote l l them what he hew about t imber

,and because the

head of a departmnt had ta lked to him abou t pr ivatefi rms and profitedng . AS i f any m an wi th th reesons unde r twen tyseven wou ld wan t to make a p rofi tout of the War ; ad as i f they cou ldn

’ t cut down eve rybody ’s p rofi t s i f tby took the t roub le . They m i gh tcu t h i s to the last eat so long as we had gun-carr i agesthat wou ld carry jun s and r ifles that wou ld shoot .He knew what he a s tal k i n g about and they d id n ’ t .And Frances S id he was r i ght . He always had

been r i ght . She ”ho had once been impat ien t ove rh i s i nvar iab le , irritt ing t ightness , l oved i t now . Shethought and sa id hat i f there we re a few men l i keAnthony at the hed Of departments we Shou ld w i n theWar . We were is i ng i t fo r wan t of prec i se ly thatspec ia l i sed knowlege and that power of o rgan i sat ioni n wh ich Anthonyexcelled . She was p roud of h im

,

5

AFTER Drayton’

s death Frances and An thony weresobered and had ceased to feed on i l lu s ions . TheBatt le of the Marne was fought i n va i n for them .

They d id not bel ieve that i t had saved Par i s .Then came the fa l l of An twerp and the Great

Retreat . There was no more Belg i um . The fal l ofPar i s and the tak i ng of Cala i s were on ly a quest ionof t ime , of perhaps a very l i tt le t ime . Then therewou ld be no more France . They were face to facew i th the fu rthe r poss ib i l i ty of there be i ng no moreEngland .

I n those months of September and Octobe rAnthony and Frances were changed utterly to themse lves and to each othe r . I f , before the War , Franceshad been asked whethe r She loved England , Shewou ld

,afte r ca refu l cons ide rat ion , have repl i ed t ru th

fu l ly ,“ I l i ke England . But I d i sl i ke the Engl i sh

peop le . They are narrow and hypocr i t i ca l andconce i ted . They are snobb ish ; and I hate snobs .At the t ime of the Boer W ar, beyond th ink in thatthe B r i t i sh ought to w i n

,and that they wou l w in ,

and fee l i ng a l i tt l e spu rt as of pe rsonal sat isfact ionwhen they d id w i n , she had had no consc iou sness ofher cou n t ry whatsoeve r . As for lov i ng i t , She lovedher ch i ldren and her husband , and She had a sor t ofmi ld , cat- l i ke aff ect ion for her garden and he r t ree ofHeaven and her house ; but the i dea Of lov i ngEngland was absu rd ; you m ight j ust as wel l tal k ofl ov i ng the Archb i shop r i c o f Cante rbu ry . She whoonce sat i n peace u nde r the t ree of Heaven w ith herTimes newspaper , and fl i cked the affa i rs of the nat ion

280


2 8 3. The Tree of Heaven

am beca tzse t e was her ha sband and the father o f her

M m m m se he m a m n who m uld hd p

I th ink we m ight be a llowed to keep

m o i his".

Victory 283

had to go . I t was h is profes ion . Nick v’

s gone i nof h is own f ree w i l l .He did not rem i n d he r th a t F ra nk '

s f ree w il l hadcou n ted i n h is cho ice of a p rofes s i on .

Once , sai d Fra nces ,

“ vol un teers d idn ’ t coun t .Now thev coun t more than the whole Armv pu t togethe r .

”

The y were s i len t ea ch th ink ing the same th ing ,

each knowing tha t sooner or la ter thev mus t spea kof i t .

Frances was the b raver of the two . She spoke

There'

s M i hael . I don' t know what to make

of him . He doesn 1 seem to wan t to go .

Tha t was the vu lne rab le p lace"there thev hada ched unbea rab l y in sec re t . I t was no 1 1378 tryl ng to

h ide i t auv l onger . Someth ing muSt be done ab ou tM ichael .

“ I wish y ou ’d say some th ing to h im . An thon y .

I wou ld , if I were go ing mysel f . But how can

he know s tha t von '

d have gone beforeauv of them i f v ou were young enough .

”

I ca n r sav anv th ing . You 11 have to .

No . An thon y . I can 1 ask h im to go any mo rethan v ou can . Nick v is the onlv one of us who has

auv rtght to .

"

Or Dorothy . Dororhv’

d be in the t renchesnow i f she had her way .

”

“I can

’ t th ink how he can bea r to look a tDo roth y .

’

But in the end she d id say s ometh ing .

S he wen t to h im in his room ups tairs where heworked now . h id ing h imse l f awa y eve r y even ing out

of the i r s igh t . “ Almos t . ”she though t .

“a s i f he

were a shamed of h im cw lf .”

Her hea rt ‘z ached a s She looked at him a t the fa i r.

ser ious beautv of h is young face"a t the th ick massesof h i s ha i r tha t would not s tav as thev were b rushed


not because he was he r husband and the father o f he rch i ldren , but because he was a man who cou ld helpEngland . They were both proud of M ichae l andN icholas and John

,not because they were the i r son s

,

b ut because they were m en who cou ld fight forEngland .

They; fou nd that they loved England w i th asecre t

,re l i g ious

,i nst i nct ive love . Two feet of Engl i sh

earth,the ground that a m an m igh t stand and fight

for, became , myste r i ously and mag i ca l ly , dearer tothem than the i r home . They loved England morethan the i r own l i fe or the l ives of the i r ch i ld ren .

Long ago they had rea l i sed that fathe rs do not bege tch i ldren nor mothers bear them mere ly to grat i fythemse lves . Now ,

i n September and October , theywere real i s i ng that ch i ldren are not begotten and bornfor the i r own p rofi t and p leasu re e i the r .W hen they sat together afte r the day ’s work they

fou nd themse lves say i ng the most amaz i ng th i ngs toeach other .Anthony said

,Downham th i nks John ’s heart

i s dec id edly bet te r . I shou ldn ’ t wonder i f he ’d haveto go .

” Almost as i f the i dea had been p leasan t toh im .

And Frances" Wel l,I suppose i f we had

th i rteen sons i nstead of th ree,we ough t to send them

a l lPos i t i ve ly , sa i d An thony , I be l ieve I ’d le t

Dorothy go now i f she i ns i sted .

”

“ Oh,no , I th i nk we m ight be a l lowed to keep

Dorothy .

”

She ponde red . I suppose one wi l l get used to

i t i n t ime . I grudged giv i ng N i cky at fi rst . I don ’ tgrudge h im now . I be l i eve i f he went out to-morrow ,

and was k i l led,I shou ld on ly fee l how sp lend id i t

was of h im .

”

“ I w i sh poor Dorothy cou ld feel that way aboutDrayton .

”

“ She does— real ly . But that ’s d i fferen t . Frank



back , bu t fe l l ove r h i s forehead ; i t was st i l l ye l low ,

and sh i n i ng as i t shone when he was a l i t t l e boy .

He was wr i t i ng . She cou ld see the short,i r

regu la r l i nes of verse on the wh ite paper . He coveredthem wi th h i s hand as she came i n lest she shou ldsee them . That hu rt he r .M ichael , she sa id ,

“ I wonder i f you ev er real i sethat we are at war . ”

The War i sn ’ t a pos i t ive ob sess ion w i th me,i f

that 5 what you mean .

I t i sn ’ t what I mean . Only—that when othe rpeop le are do i ng so muchGeorge V ereker en l i sted yesterday .

I don ’ t care what othe r people are do i ng . Inever d id . I f George V ereker chooses to en l i s t i t ’sno reason why I shou ld .

”

“ My darl i n g M ick,I ’m not so su re . I sn ’ t i t al l

the more reason,when so much more has been done

for you than was eve r done for h im ?”

I t ’ s no use t ry i ng to get at me .

England ’s fight i ng for her l i fe,sa id Frances .

S o’

s Germany .

“ You see , I can’ t feel abou t i t l i ke othe r peop le .

George V ereker hates Germany ; I don’ t . I ’ve l ived

there . I don ’ t wan t to make dear old Frau Hensche la widow

,and st i ck a bayonet i n to Ludw ig and Car l ,

and make Hedwig and Lottchen c ry .

”

I see . You ’d rathe r Carl and Ludwig stuckbayonets i n to George and N icky

,and tha t Ronny

and Dorothy and Al ice Lathom cr ied .

Bayonet i n g isn ’ t my bus i ness .

”

Your own safety i s . How can you hear to le to the r men fight for you

“ They ’ re not fight i ng for m e, Mother . You ask

them i f they a re,and see what they ’ l l say to you .

They ’ re fight i ng for God knows what ; bu t they’ re no

more fight i ng for me than they ’ re fight i ng for Au n tEmmel i n e .

”

“ They are fight i ng for Aun t Emmel i ne . They ’ re,

Victory 285

light i ng for everyth i ng that’s weak and defence

less .

”

Wel l,then

,they ’ re not fight i ng for me . I ’m not

weak and defenceless ,” sa id M ichae l .

“ Al l the more shame for you , then .

He sm i led,acknowledg ing her score .

“You don ’ t mean that , real ly , Mummy . You

cou ldn ’ t res i st the open i ng for a repartee . I t wasqu i te a n ice one .

“ I f,

”she sa id , you were on ly doing someth i ng .

Bu t you go on w i th you r own th i ngs as thoughnoth i ng had happened .

I am doi ng someth i ng . I ’m keep i ng sane . AndI ’m keep i ng san i ty al i ve ‘ i n other people .

”

“ Much you care for othe r peop le ,” sa id Frances

as she l eft the room .

Bu t when she had shu t the door on h im her hearttu rned to h im aga i n . She went down to Anthonywhere he wa i ted for her i n h i s room .

Well ? he sa id .

I t ’s no use . He won ’ t go .

And Frances,qu i te sudden ly and to her own

su rp r i se , bu rst i n to tears .He drew her to h im , and she c l u ng to h im ,

sobb i ngsoft ly .

“ My dear—my dear . You mustn’ t take i t to hea rt

l i ke th i s . He’

s as obst i nate as the dev i l ; bu t he’ l l

come rou nd .

”

He pressed he r t ighter to h im . He loved her i nhe r u nfam i l ia r weakness

,cry i ng and c l i ngi ng to h im .

“I t

’

s not that ,”she sa id , recover i ng hersel f w i th

d ign i ty .

“ I ’m glad he d idn ’ t g i ve i n . I f he wen t ou t ,and anyth i ng happened to h im ,

I cou ldn ’ t bea r to bethe one who made h im 0 .

After al l , she didn ’ t l ove England more thanM ichael .They were s i len t .“We must leave i t to h i s own fee l i ng , she sa id

p resen t l y .


But An thony ’ s heart was hard aga i nst M ichae l .“ He must know that pu blic fee l i ng

’s pretty st rongaga i nst h im . To say noth i ng of my fee l i ng and you rfeel i ng .

He d id know i t . He knew that they were a l laga i n st h im ; h is fathe r and h i s mother , and John a ndDoro thy . Because he cou ldn ’ t bear to look atDorothy

,and cou ldn ’ t bear Dorothy to look at h im ,

he kep t ou t of her way as much as poss ib le .

As for pub l i c op i n ion , i t had a lways been aga i nsth im , and he aga in st i t .But An thony was m istaken when he though t that

the pressu re of these an tagon i sms wou ld move M ichae lan i nch from the way he mean t to go . Rather , i td rew out that res i stance wh ich M ichael ’ s m i nd hada lways off e red to the loathsome v iolences o f the collective sou l . From h i s very fi rst encounters w i th thecol lect ive sou l and i ts emot ions they had seemed to

M ichae l as dangerous as they were loa thsome . Col

lectiv e emot ion m ight be on the s ide of the archangel sor on the s ide of dev i ls and of sw i ne ; i ts mass waswhat made i t dangerous , a th ing that chal lenged theres i stance of the p r ivate sou l . But i n h is worstdreams of ~ what i t cou ld do to h im M ichael had neverimag i ned anyth i ng more appal l i ng than the col lect ivepat ri ot i sm of the B r i t i sh and the i r Al l ies , th i s rush i ngtogether of the sou l s of fou r cou nt r i es to make one

monst rou s sou l .And ne i ther An thony nor Frances rea l i sed that

M ichael,at th is momen t

,was afra id , not of the War

so much as of the emot ions of the War , the awfu l ,terr i fy i ng flood that carr i ed h im away from h i sreal se l f and from eve ryth i ng i t cared for most .Pat r iot i sm was

,no doubt , a fine emot ion ; bu t the

finer the th i ng was,the more i t got you ; i t got you

and you were done for. He was dete rm ined that i tshou ldn ’ t get h im . They cou ldn ’ t see—and that was



He could see what they thought of h im . He sawi t i n the i r st i ff

,ret i cen t faces , i n h i s mother

’s stra i nedsm i le , i n h i s s i ster

’s s i lence when he asked he r whatshe had been d o i ng a l l day . The i r eyes—h is mothe r ’ sand h is s iste r ’s eyes— pursued h im w i th the unspokenquest ion"“Why don ’ t you go and get k i l led—fo rEngland— l i ke othe r peop le ?St i l l

,he cou ld hea r these th i ngs , for they were

v is ib le , palpab le ; he knew where he was w i th them .

What he cou ld not stand was that empty Sp i r i tualspace between h im and N icky . That hu rt h im wherehe was most vu l nerab le—ln h is imagi nat ion .

And aga i n,h is imag i nat ion healed the wou nd i t

made .

I t was a l l ve ry wel l,bu t i f you happened to have

a re l ig ion,and you r re l ig ion was what mattered to you

most ; i f you adored Beau ty as the sup reme fo rm o f

L i fe ; i f you cared for noth ing e lse ; i f you l ived ,impersonal ly

,to make Beau ty and to keep i t a l ive ,

and for .no othe r end , how cou ld you consen t to takepart i n th i s b loody bus i ness ? That wou ld be the lastbet rayal

,the most coward ly su rrender .

And you we re al l the more bound to fa i th fu l nessi f you were one of the leaders of a forlorn hem, of theforlo rn hope o f a l l the world , of al l the ages , theforlorn hope of God h imsel f .

For M ichael,even more than El l i s

,had g iven

h imsel f up as lost .And yet somehow they a l l fe l t cu r iously b raced

by the p rospect . When the you ng men met i nLawrence Stephen ’s house they di scussed i t w i th aca lm , h igh he ro i sm . Th i s was the supreme test"togo on , wi thou t pay , w i thou t p ra ise , withou t any sortof recogn i t i on . Any fool cou ld fight ; but , i f you werean art i st

,you r honou r bound you to ignore the

Victory 289

mate r ia l con test,to refuse , even to you r coun try , the

su rrende r of the h ighest that you knew . Theybel ieved w i th the u tmost fe rvou r and s i ncer i ty thatthey defied Germany more effectual ly , because moresp i r i tual ly

,by goi ng on and produc i ng fine th i ngs

w i th impertu rbab i l i ty than i f they wen t out aga i nst theGerman Arm ies w ith bayonets and mach i ne-guns .Moreover

,they were restor i ng Beau ty as fa st as

Germany dest royed i t .They told each othe r these th i ngs very se r iously

and earnest ly on Fr iday even i ngs as they lay abou tmore or l ess at the i r ease (bu t rathe r less than more)i n S tephen ’s study .

They had asked each other" Are you go i ng tofigh t for you r cou ntry ?And E l l i s had sa i d he was damned i f he ’d fight

for h i s cou nt ry ; and M ichael had sa i d he hadn’ t got a

coun try , so there was no po i n t i n h i s fight i ng ,anyhow ; and Mon ie r-Owen that i f you cou ld Showh im a coun try that cared for the arts before anyth i nghe ’d fight for i t ; bu t that England was very far frombe ing that cou nt ry .

And M ichae l had sat s i len t , th i nk i ng the samethoughts .And S tephen had sat s i len t , th i nk i ng other

thoughts , not l i sten i ng to what was sa id .

And now people were wh in i ng abou t Louva i nand Rhe ims Cathedra l . M ichael sa id to h imsel f thathe cou ld stand these massed war emot ions i f they weres i nce re ; but people wh i ned about Louva i n and Rhe imsCathedral who had never cared a damn abou t e i the rbefore the War .Anthony , look i ng up ove r the edge of h is morn

i ng paper,i nqu i red whethe r M i chae l cou ld de fend

the dest ruct ion of Louva i n and Rhe ims Cathedra l ?M ichael sh rugged h i s shou lders .

“Why bother,

he sa id ,“ abou t Rhe ims Cathedra l and Louva i n ?


From you r po i n t of v iew i t ’s a l l r ight . I f Louva i n andRhe ims Cathedra l ge t i n the wa y of the enemy ’sa rt i l l e ry they ’ve got to go . They d idn ’ t happen to

be i n the way of ou rs , that ’s a l l .M ichae l ’s m ind was showi ng ce rta i n symptoms ,

s ign ifican t of i ts malady . He was i nc l i ned to d isparage the m i l i ta ry ach i evements of the Al l ies and toj us t i fy the acts of Germany .

“I t

’

s up to the French to defend Par i s . And whathave we got to do w i th Alsace-Lo rra i ne AS i f everyi nte l l igen t F renchman d idn ’ t know that AlsaceLorra i n e i s a sen t imen ta l stu n t . No . I ’m not p roGerman . I s imp ly see th i ngs as they are .

”

“ I th i nk ,” Frances wou ld say p lacab ly , we ’d

bette r not ta l k about the War .He wou ld rem i nd them that i t was not his subject .And j ohn laughed at h im .

“ Poor old M ick ha testhe War because i t ’s d i shed h im . He knows h i spoems can ’ t come out t i l l i t ’ s over .As i t happened , h i s poems came ou t that au tumn .

Afte r al l , the Germans had been hel d back fromPar i s . As Stephen po i n ted out to h im ,

the Batt leof the Marne had saved M ichae l . I n magn ificen tdefiance of the enemy , the

“ New Poems of M ichaelHarr i son

,wi th i l l ust rat i ons by Aust i n M i tchel l

,were

an nou nced as fo rthcom i ng i n October ; and MortonE l l i s ’ s “ Eccen t r i c i t ies

,

” w ith i l l ust rat ions by Aust i nM i tchel l

,were to appea r the same month . Even

Wadham ’s poems wou ld come out some t ime , perhapsnext Spr i ng .

Stephen sa id the advert i semen ts Shou ld be offe redto the War O ffi ce as posters , to st r i ke te rror i n toGermany and susta i n the moral of the Al l ied Arm ies .

“ I f E n land cou l d aff ord to pub l i sh M ichaelM icfiael ’

s fam i ly m ade no comment on the appearance of h is poems . The book lay about i n the sameplace on the draw i ng-room table for weeks . WhenNanna dusted She replaced i t w i th rel i g iou s care ;none of h i s peop le had so much as taken i t up to



would very much rathe r She d id n ’ t do anyth i ng thatRosa l i n d d id .

“ So wou ld N icky , he sa id .

And then"Veron ica, do you th i nk I ought toenhst ?

”

The thought was begi n n i ng to obsess h im .

“No , she sa id ; you

’ re d i ffe ren t .I k now how you fee l abou t i t . N icky ’s heart

and sou l a re i n the War . I f he ’ s k i l l ed i t can on lyk i l l h i s body . Your sou l i sn ’ t i n i t . I t wou ld k i l lyou r sou l .”

“ I t ’ s k i l l i ng i t now ; k i l l i ng eve ryth i ng I care for.

Ki l l i ng everyth i ng we a l l ca re for,excep t the

t h i ngs i t can ’ t k i l l .That was one Sund ay even i ng i n October . They

were stand i ng togethe r on the long terrace under thehouse wa l l . Before them , a l i tt le to the r ight , on theedge of the lawn , the great ash- t ree rose over thegarden . The cu rved and d ipp i ng branches swayedand swung i n a low w i nd that moved l ike qu ie t water .M ichael ,

” She sa id, do look what ’ s happen i ng

to tha t t ree .

”

I see ,” he sa id .

I t made h im sa d to look at the t ree ; i t made h imsad to look at Ve ron ica—because both the t ree andVeron ica were beaut i fu l .

“When I was a l i t t l e g i r l I used to S i t and lookand look at that t ree t i l l i t changed and got a l l th i nand quee r and began to move toward s me .I neve r knew whether i t had rea l ly happened or

not ; I don’ t know now—o r whethe r i t was the t ree

or me . I t was as i f by look i ng and look i n g youcou ld make the t ree more rea l and more al ive .

”

M ichae l remembered someth i ng .

“ Dorothy says you saw Ferd ie the n ight he d i ed .

S o I d id . But that ’s not the same t thing . Id id n ’ t have to look and look . I j u st saw h im . Isort of saw Frank that last n ight—when the cal l came—on ly sort of -but I knew he was go i ng to be k i l led .

Victory 2 93

I d idn t see h im nearly so dist i nct ly as I saw

N icky“ N icky ? You d idn ’ t see h im— as you saw

Ferd ie ? ”

No,no , no"I t was ages ago— in Germany

before he marr ied . I saw h im w i th Desmond .

”

“ Have you ever seen me ?”

Not yet .That ’s because you don

’ t wan t me as they di d .

Don ’ t I"Don ’ t I"”And She sa id aga i n" Not yet .

N icky had had leave for Ch r i stmas . He hadcome and gone .Frances and Anthony were depressed ; they were

beg i n n i ngto be fr ightened .

For i cky had fin ished h i s t ra i n i ng ; he m ightbe se n t ou t any day .

Nicky had had some moments of depress ion . Noth i ng had been heard ' of the Mov i ng Fort ress . Agai n

,

the War Offi ce had given no S i gn of hav i ng rece ivedi t . I t was hard l uck , he sa id , on Drayton .

And John was depressed after he had gone .

“ They ’d much bet te r have taken me,he sa id .

What ’s the good of sendi ng the best b ra i n s i n theArmy to get pounded ? There ’s D rayton . He oughtto have been i n the Ordnance . He

’

s k i l led .

“ And here ’ s N icky . N icky ought to be i n theeng i neers or the gunners or the Roya l Fly i ng Corps ;bu t he ’s got to stand i n the t renches and be pou nded .

“ Lot they care about anybody ’s b rai ns . Draytoncou ld have told Ki tchene r that we can ’ t w i n th i sWar w i thout h igh-exp los i ve She l l s . S o cou ldN icky .

“You bet they ’ve stuck al l those plans and mode l s

i n the san i tary dust-b i n beh i nd the War O ffice backdoo r . I t ’s enough to make N icky blow h is b ra i n sout .

”


N icky doesn ’ t care , real ly ,” Veron ica sa id . He

j ust leaves th i ngs—and goes on .

Tha t n ight,afte r the others had gone to bed

,

M ichae l stayed beh i nd wi th h i s father .“ I t must look to you ,

” he sa id,

“ as i f I ought tohave gone i nstead of N icky .

”

“I don ’ t say 5 0 ,

M ichael . And I ’

m su re N ickywou ldn ’ t . ”

“No ,bu t you both th i nk i t . You see

,i f I wen t

I shou ldn ’ t be any good at i t . Not the same goodas N icky . He wants to go and I don ’ t . Can ’ t yousee it ’

s d i ff eren t ? ”

“Yes

,

” sa id Anthony . I see . I ’ve seen i t fo rsome t ime .

”

And M ichael remembered the n igh t i n Augustwhen h is b rother came to h im i n h i s room .

Beau ty— the Forlorn Hope of God— if he caredfor i t supremely , why was he pursued and tormen tedby the though t of the space between h im and N icky ?



He goes out and gets k i l led l ike any l i t t le bourgeo is,

and the sw i ne p laste r h im al l ove r w i th the i r fi l thypra ise . He ’d rather they ’d spat on h im .

He med i tated fierce ly .

“Wel l —he cou ldn ’ t he lpi t . He was conscr ipted .

“You th i nk he wou ldn ’ t have gone of h i s own

accord ? ”

“ I ’m certa i n he wou ldn ’ t . ”

And I ’m certa i n he wou ld .

I w i sh to God we ’d got consc r i pt ion here . I ’drathe r the Gove rnment commandeered my bodythan stand th i s ever last i n g i n terference w i th mysou l .

“ Then , sa id Lawrence , you’ l l not be su rp r i sed

at my en l i st i ng .

“ You ’ re notI am . I ’d have been i n the fi rst week i f I ’d

known what to do abou t Vera .

”

“ Bu t— it’

s—it’ s not sane .

”

Perhaps not . But i t ’S I r i sh .

I r i sh I can u nderstand ord i nary I r i shmen rushmg 1n to a Eu ropean row for the row ’s sake , j ustbecause they haven ’ t got a c iv i l war to mess about i n .

But you—o f al l I r i shmen—why on earth Shou ld yoube i n i t ? ”

“ Because I wan t to be i n i t .I thought ,

” sa id M ichael ,“ you were to have been

a thorn i n England ’s s ide ? ”

“ So I was . So I am .

'

But not a t th i s m i nu te sMy grandmother was a hard U lste r woman , and Ihated her . Bu t I wou ldn ’ t be a thorn i n my grandmother ’s S i de i f the old lady was assau l ted by abrutal vol uptuary

,and I saw her down and fight i ng

fo r her honou r .“ I ’ve been a thorn i n England ’s s ide a l l my l i fe .

But i t ’s noth i ng to the thorn I ’ l l be i f I ’m k i l led fight

i ng for her . ’

“Why —why—if you want to fight i n the c iv i l warafterwards ? ”

Victory 297

Why ? Because I ’m one of the few I ri shmen whocan reason st ra ight . I was go i ng i n to the c iv i l warlast year because i t was a figh t fo r freedom . I ’m

go i ng i n to th i s War th i s year because it’

s a b igge r

ght fo r a b igger freedom .

You can ’ t have a free I re land w i thou t a freeEngland

,any more than you can have re l i g ious

l iberty wi thou t pol i t i ca l l ibe rty . I f the Orangemenu nderstood anyth ing at a l l abou t i t they ’d see i t wasthe Nat ional i sts and the S i n n Fe iners tha t ’ l l he lpthem to pu t down Cathol i c i sm i n I re land .

”

“ You th i nk i t matte rs to I reland whethe r Germanyl i cks u s or we l i ck Germany ? ”

“ I th i nk i t matters to the whole world .

What ’s changed you ? ” sai d M ichael .He was angry w i th Lawrence . He thought He

hasn ’ t any excuse for fa i l i ng us . He hasn ’ t beenconscr ipted .

”

“ Noth ing ’s changed me . But suppos i ng i t d idn ’ tmatte r to the whole world , or even to Eu rope , andsuppos i ng the Al l ies were beaten i n the end , you andI Shou ldn ’ t be ~bea ten , once we

’d st r ipped ou rse l ves ,str i pped ou r sou l s c lean , and gone i n .

Victory,M ichael—v ictory is a state of m ind .

The opportu n i st had seen h is supreme opportu n i ty .

He wou ld have snatched at i t i n the fi rst week o f

the War , as he had sa id , bu t that Vera had made ithard for h im . She was not mak i ng i t easy now . The

du l l , dark moth’ s w ings of he r eyes hovered abou t

h im , flutter i ng w i th anx iet

When She heard that e was go i ng to en l i s t shesen t for Veron ica .

Veron ica sa id , 3‘You must let h im go .

“ I can ’ t let h im go . And why shou ld I ? He’ l l

ilo no good . He

’

s ove r age. He’s no more fi t than

am .

”

“ You ’ l l have to , soonero r l ate r .T


Later,t hen . Not one m i nute be fo re I must . I f

they wan t h im let them come and take h im .

”

“ I t won ’ t hu rt so much i f you le t h im go , gen tly ,now . He ’ l l tea r at you i f you keep h im .

”

“ He has torn at me . He tears at me eve ry day .

I don ’ t m i nd h i s tea r i ng . I m i nd h i s go i ng—go i ngand gett i ng k i l led

,wou nded , para lysed , b roken to

p ieces .

”

“ You ’ l l m i nd h i s hat i ng you . You ’ l l m i nd thatawfu l ly .

”

“ I Shan ’ t . He’

s hated me be fore . He wen t awayand le ft me once . But he came back . He can ’ trea l ly do w i thou t me .

You don ’ t k now how he ’ l l hate you i f you comebe tween h im and what he wants most . ”

“I u sed to be what he wan ted most .Wel l— i t ’s h i s honou r now .

That ’s what they a l l say , M ichael and Anthony ,and Dorothy . They ’ re men and they don ’ t know .

Dorothy ’s more a man than a woman .

“ B ut you ’ re d i ff e ren t . I thought you might hel pme to keep h im— the y say you ’ve got some tremendons sec ret . And th is i s the way you go on"”

“ I wou ldn ’ t he lp you to keep h im i f I cou ld . Iwou ldn ’ t have kept N icky for a l l the world . AuntFrances wou ldn ’ t have kep t h im . She wants M ichae lto go .

”

“ She doesn ’ t . I f she says she does she l i es . Al lthe women a

'

re lymg . E ithe r they don ’ t care—they ’ rej ust lumps , w ith no hearts and no ne rves i n them—o r

t hey l ie .

I t ’ s th is ro tte n pose of pat r i ot ism . They get i tfrom each othe r

,l i ke— l i ke a sk i n d isease . No

‘

wonder

i t makes M ichae l S i ck .

“ Men go i ng Out—thousands and thousands andthousa nds— to be cu t abou t and b lown to b i ts , andthe i r women safe a t home , snu ffl i n g and sentimental is

mgLy i ng—ly i ng— ly i ng .



Later,then . Not one m inute befo re I must . I f

they wan t h im let them come and take h im .

”

“ I t won ’ t hu rt so much i f you le t h im go , gent ly ,now . He ’ l l tea r at you i f you keep h im .

”

“ He has torn a t me . He tears a t me every day .

I don ’ t m i nd h i s tea r i ng . I m i nd h i s go i ng—go i ngand gett i ng k i l led

,wou nded , para lysed , b roken to

p ieces .

”

“ You ’ l l m i nd h i s hat i ng you . You ’ l l m i nd thatawfu l ly .

”

“ I shan ’ t . He ’s hated me befo re . He wen t awayand left me once . But he came back . He can ’ trea l ly do w i thou t me .

You don ’ t k now how he ’ l l hate you i f you comebe tween h im and what he wants most . ”

“I used to be what he wanted most .Wel l—i t ’s h i s honou r now .

That ’s W hat they al l say , M ichael and An thony ,and Dorothy . They ’ re men and they don ’ t know .

Dorothy ’s more a man than a woman .

“ B ut you ’ re d i ff e ren t . I though t you might helpme to keep h im— they say you ’ve got some tremendons sec ret . And th is i s the way you go on"”

“ I wou ldn ’ t hel p you to keep h im i f I cou ld . Iwou ldn ’ t have kept N icky for a l l the world . Aun tFrances wou ldn ’ t have kep t h im . She wants M ichae lto go .

”

“ She doesn ’ t . I f she says she does she l i es . Al lthe women are 1y 1ng . E ithe r they don ’ t care—they ’ rej ust lumps, w ith no hearts and no ne rves i n them—o r

they l i e .

I t ’s th is rotte n pose of patr iot ism . They get i tfrom each othe r

,l i ke— l i ke a sk i n d isease . No

‘

wonder

i t makes M ichae l s ick .

“ Men go ing duh -thousands and thousands andthousands—to be cu t abou t and b lown to b i ts , andthei r women safe a t home , snufii ing and sentimenta l is

mgLy i ngly i ng— ly i ng .

Victory 299

Who wouldn ’ t ? Who wou ld n ’ t te l l one b ig ,thump ing, sacred l i e , i f i t sends them off happy ?

“ Bu t we ’ re not lying . I t’

s the most real th ing thateve r happened to us . I m glad N icky ’ s go i ng . Ishal l be glad al l my l i fe .

I t comes easy to you . You ’ re a ch i ld . You ’veneve r grown up . You were a m iserab le l i tt le mummywhen you were born . And now you look as i f everydrop of b lood was dra i ned ou t of you r body i n you rteens . I f that’

s ou r t remendous secret you ca n keepi t to ou rsel f . seems to be al l you ’ve got .

”

f i t wasn ’ t for Aun t Frances and Uncle Anthonyi t wou ld have been al l I ’ve got .”

Vera looked at her daughter and saw he r for thefi rs t t ime as she rea l ly was . The ch i ld was not a ch i ldany more . She was a woman , aston ishin ly anddangerously matu re . Veron ica ’ s sorrowfu l uc ideyes took he r i n ; they ne i ther we ighed he r normeasu red her

,bu t j udged her , oH-hand , wi th perfect

accu racy .

“ Poor l i tt le Ron ny . I ’ve been a beast ly mothe rto you . St i l l , you can thank my beast l i ness ,fo r Aun tFrances and Uncle An thony .

”

Veron ica though t How funny she i s abou t i t IShe sa id ,

“ I t ’s you r beastl i n ess to poor Larry that Im i nd . You know what you

’

re' keep ing h im for .

She knew ; and Lawrence knew .

That n igh t he told he r that i f he hadn ’ t wan ted toen l ist he ’d be dr iven to i t to get away from her .And she was fr ightened and he ld her tongue .

Then she got desperate . She d id th i n 5 . Sheint r igued beh i nd his back to keep h im ; and e fou ndher ou t .He came to her , fu r iou s .

“You needn ’ t l i e abou t i t , he Sa id . I know what

you ’ve done . You ’ve been wr i t i ng lette rs and gett i n gat people . You ’ve told the t ruth abou t my age

,and

The Tree of Heaven

you ’

ve l i ed abou t my heal th . You ’ve even goneround cadgi ng for j obs for me i n the Red Cross andthe Press Bu reau and the I nte l l igence Departmen t

,

and God on ly knows whethe r I ’m supposed to havepu t you up to i t . ”

“ I took care of that , Larry .

You ? You ’d no r ight to i n te rfe re w i th myaffa i rs .”

“ Hadn ’ t I ? Not a fte r l i v i ng w ith you sevenyears ? ”

“ I f you ’d l ived w i th me seven cen tu r ies you ’d havehad no r ight to t ry to keep a man back from theArmy .

”

“ I ’m try i ng to keep a man ’s bra i n for mycou nt ry .

“ You l ie . I t’s my body you ’ re t ry i ng to keep

for you rse lf . As you d id when I was go i ng toI re land .

”

“ Oh , the n—I t r ied to stop you from be i ng at ra i to r to England . They ’d have hanged you , mydear , fo r that .

”

“T ra i tor

‘

? I t’

s women l i ke you that are thet ra i tors . My God

,i f the re was a Government i n th i s

cou n try that cou ld gove rn,you ’d be strung up i n a

row , al l of you , and hang“ No wonde r you th i nk you ’

re cu t ou t for a sold ie r .You ’ re c rue l enough .

You re c rue l . I ’d rathe r be hanged than l i ve

w i th you a day longe r a fte r what you v e done . AFrenchman shot h is wife the othe r day for less thanthat .”

What was l ess than that ’

she sa id .

She c rawled afte r h im to the camp , l i ke a b i tch .

He sen t he r away and she came aga in and aga i n .

He had to shoot he r . ”

“Was there noth i ng to be sa id for her ?There was . She knew i t was a b ig r i sk and she

took i t . You knew you were safe wh i le you s l imedmy honou r .

”


302 The Tree of Heaven“I

’

ve never t i red of you . You ’ re more to me nowthan you were when I fi rst knew you . I t ’s when Isee you look i ng old that I ’m sure I love you .

She sm i led , too ,i n her sad sexual w i sdom .

There may be women who ’d be l ieve you ,Larry

,

or who ’d say they be l i eve you ; bu t not me .

”

“ I t ’s the t ru th , he sa id .

“ I f you were young andi f you were marr ied to me I shou l d have en l i stedmonths ago .

“ Can ’ t you see it’

s not you ,i t ’ s th i s l i fe we lead

that I ’m sick and t i red of ? I te l l you I’d rathe r

be hanged than go on w i th i t . I ’d rathe r be ap r i soner i n Ge rmany than shut up i n th i s house ofyou rs .”

“ Poo r l i tt le house . You used to l i ke i t . What ’swrong w i th i t now ?

”

“ Everyth i ng . Those damned l ime-t rees al l roundi t . And that damned wh i te wa l l round the l imet rees . Shutt i ng me i n .

“And those cu rta i n s i n you r bed-room . Shutt i ngme 1 n .

“And you r m ind,t ry i ng to shu t me i n .

I come i nto th is room and I find Phyl l i s Desmondi n i t and Ord e-Jones

,d r i nk i ng tea and talk i ng . I go

upsta i rs for peace,and M ichae l and E l l i s a re sit t i n g

there—tal k i ng ; t ry i ng to persuade themselves thatfu nk ’s the d iv i nest th i ng i n God ’s u n ive rse .And ove r there ’ s the one th i ng I ’ve been look i ng

fo r al l my l i fe—the one th i ng I ’ve cared for . Andyou ’ re keep i ng me from it .

”

They left i t . But i t began a l l over aga i n the nextday and the next . And Lawrence wen t on grow i n ghis moustache and t ry i ng to t ra i n i t upwards i n theway she hated .

One even ing,towards d i n ner-t ime

,he tu rned up

1n khak i , the moustache st i ff on h i s long uppe r l ip ,his lopp i ng ha i r c l ipped . He was another man , a

Victory 303

st range man , and she was not su re whethe r she hatedh im or not .But she d ri ed he r eyes and dressed her ha i r

,and

put on he r best gown to do honou r to h i s khak i .She sa id ,

“ I t ’ l l be l i ke l iv i ng w i th anothe r man .

You won ’ t have very long to l ive w i th h im,

sa i d Lawrence .

And even then , sombrely , under the shadow of h i sdest i ny

,he r pass ion fo r h im rev ived ; h is ve ry s trange

ness qu ickened i t to v iol ence,to pervers i ty .

And i n the morn i ng the Army took h im from her ;i t he ld h im out of he r reach . He refused to l et he rgo wi th h im to the p lace where he was stat ioned .

“What wou l d you do,

”she sa id ,

“ i f I fol lowedvou ? Shoo t me

“ I m i gh t shoo t myself . Anyhow , you’d never

see me or hea r from me aga i n .

He wen t out to France th ree weeks beforeN icholas .She had worn herse l f out w i th wonder i ng when

he wou ld be sent , t i l l she , too ,was i n a hu rry for

h im to go and end i t . Now that he had gone shefe l t noth i ng but a c lean and sane re l ie f that was asort of peace . She told herse l f that she wou ld rathe rhe were k i l led soon than that she shou ld be tortu redany longer w i th suspense .

I f I saw h i s name i n the l ists th i s morn ing Ishou ldn ’ t m i nd . That wou ld end i t .And she sen t her servan t to the stat i oner ’ s to stop

the papers for fear lest she shou ld see h i s name i nthe l i sts .

But Lawrence spared her . He was wounded i nh i s fi rst engagement

,and d ied of h i s wound s i n a

hosp i ta l at Dunk i rk .

The R ed Cross woman who nu rsed h im wrote toVera an hou r before he d i ed . She gave deta i l s anda message .


.30 . I ’m wri t i ng now from h is d i ctat ion . Hesays you r’

e to forgive h im and not t o be too sorry ,because i t was what he thought i t wou ld be (he mea nsthe fight i ng)on ly much more so—a l l except th is lastb i t .He wan ts you to te l l M ichae l and D icky

N icky —that . He says .

‘ I t ’ 5 od d I shou ld be thefi rst when he got the start of me .

’

(I th i nk he means you’ re to forgive h im for

l eav i ng you to go to the

8 I t i s a l l over .He was too weak to say anyth i ng more . But

he sen t you h i s love .

”

Vera sa id to herse l f He d idn ’ t . She made that‘

She hated the Red Cross woman who had beenw i th Lawrence and had seen so much ; who had daredto te l l her what he meant and to make up messages .



Why don’

t you take h im w i th you ? Anthony

Cos he ’s Ronny ’ s cat .He isn ’ t . I ’ve g iven h im to you , Veron i ca

WhenNow, th i s m i nu te . To sleep on you r feet and

keep you warm .

Frances l i stened and thought What ch i ld renwhat bab i es they are

,afte r al l . I f on ly th i s m i nute

cou ld be st retched out farther“ I m ustn ’ t ,

” Nicky sa id . I shou ld spend hou rsi n d al l iance ; and i f a shel l got h im i t wou ld ru i nmy moral . ”

Timmy , u nhooked from N icky’s shou lder , lay

l imp i n h i s arms . He lay on h is back , i n ecstasy ,h i s legs apart

,show i ng the soft

,c ream-wh i te fu r o f

h is stomach . N icky rubbed h is face agai nst the soft ,c ream-wh ite fu r .

“ I say, what a heaven ly death i t wou ld be to d ie- smothered i n T imm ies .

”

“ N icky , you’ re a beast ly sen sual i st . That ’ s

what ’s the matte r w i th you , John sa id . And theyal l laughed .

The m i nu te b roke,stretched to i t s farthest .

Frances was mak i ng plans now for N icky ’ s week .

There were th i ngs they cou ld do , plays they cou ldsee

,p laces they cou ld go to . Anthony wou ld let

them have the b i g ca r as much as they wan ted . For

you cou ld st retch t ime out by fi l l i ng i t ; you cou ldmu l t i p ly the hou rs by what they held .

Ronny and I are go i ng to get marr ied tomorrow

,

” N icky sa id .

“We sett led i t that we wou ldat once , i f I got war- leave . I t

’

s the best th i ng to do .

“ Of cou rse,

” Frances sa id,

“it

’

s the best th i ngto do .

”

But she had not a l lowed for i t , nor for the

Victory 307

pa i n it gave he r . That pa i n shocked her . I t wasawfu l to th i nk that

,afte r a l l he r su rrenders , N icky

’ shapp i ness cou ld g ive her pa i n . I t mean t that shehad never le t go her secre t hold . She had been ahypocr i te to herse l f .Nicky was ta lk i ng on about i t , exc i tedly , as he

used to ta lk on about h i s p leasu res when he was ach i ld .

I f Dad ’

ll l et us have the racin

cg-ca r, we

’ l l godown to Morfe . We can do i t i n a ay .

”

“ My dear boy , Anthony said ,“ don ’ t you know

I ’ve len t the house to the Red Cross,and le t the

shoot i ng ?“ I don ’ t ca re . There ’ s the l i tt le house i n the

v i l lage we can have . And Harker and h i s w i fe canlook after us .”

Harke r ’s gone to the War,and h is w i fe ’ s look i ng

afte r h i s b rothe r ’s ch i l dren somewhere . And I ’vepu t two Belgian refugees i nto i t .”

“They can look afte r us ,” sa id Nicky . We ’ l l

stay th ree days,ru n back , and have one day at hom e

before I sa i l .”

Frances gave up her p lay w i th t ime . She wasbeate n .

And st i l l she though t"At least I shal l have h imone whole day .

”

And then she looked across the room to M ichael ,as i f M ichae l ’s face had si gnal led to he r . H is c lea r

,

su nbu rn t sk i n showed b lotches of wh i te where theb lood had left i t . A l igh t sweat was on h is forehead . When the i r eyes met , he sh i fted h is pos i t ionto ive h imse l f an appearance of ease .

ichael had not reckoned on h i s b rother ’s marriage , e i the r . I t was when he asked h imsel f"“ Onwhat , then , had he been reckon i ng ? that the sweatbroke ou t on h i s forehead .

He had not reckoned on anyth i ng . But the sudden real i sat i on of what he m ight have reckoned on

made h im s ick . He cou ldn ’ t bear to th i nk of Ronny


marr ied . And yet aga i n,he cou ld n ’ t bear to th i n k

of N icky not marry i ng her . I f he had had a holdon her he wou ld have le t he r go . I n th i s he knewh imsel f to be s i nce re . He had had no hold onher , and to tal k about lett i ng he r go was id iot ic ;st i l l , there was a v io len t pu rsu i t and possessionby the m i nd—and M ichae l ’s m i nd was i nnocent ofj ea lousy , that psych ic assau l t and ou trage on thewoman he loved . H is sp i r i tua l su rrende r of he r wasso perfect that h i s very imagi nat ion gave her up toN icky .

He was glad that they were go i ng to be marr iedto—morrow . Noth i ng cou ld take the i r th ree daysf rom them

,even when the War had done i t s worst .

And then,wi th h i s mothe r ’s eyes on h im

,he

thought Does she th i nk I was reckon ing on that ? ”

N icholas and Veron ica we re marr ied the nextmorn i ng at Hampstead Town Hal l , before theRegi strar .They spen t the rest of the day i n Anthony ’s

rac i ng-ca r,defy i ng and c i rcumven t i ng t ime and space

and the pol i ce,tear i ng , N ick sa id , whole handfu l s

out of ete rn i ty by sheer spee At i n terval s,w ith a

c lear ru n before h im,he let ou t the rac i ng-ca r to i t s

top speed on the Great North Road . I t snorted andpu rred and th robbed l i ke some immense , nervousan imal , but l i ght ly and pu re ly as i f al l i t s we ightwere pu rged from i t by speed . I t flew up and downthe h i l l s o f Hertford sh i re and Buck i nghamsh i re andout on t o the flat coun t ry rou nd Peterborough andGrantham , a count ry of s i lve r green and emerald greengrass and pu rple fal l ow land and b r ight red houses ;and so on to the great p la i n of York , and past Reybu rn up toward s the bare h i l l coun t ry netted w ithgrey stone wal l s .N icholas sl owed the car down for the wi nd i ng of

the road .


The Tree of Heaven

apple-t ree house grown up because they were grownup

,and keep i ng str ic t p roport ions . You had to

craw l i n to i t,and you were on ly rea l ly com fortab le

s i tt i ng or l y i ng down . So they sat ou ts ide i t , watchi ng old Suzanne th rough the w i ndow as she movedabou t the house p lace

,cook i ng Belg ian food for them ,

and old Jean as he worked i n the garden .

Veron ica loved Jean and Suzan ne . She had foundout al l about them the fi rs t morn i ng .

“ Only th i nk,N icky . They ’ re from Termonde ,

and the i r house was bu rn t beh i nd them as theyleft i t . They saw horrors

,and the i r son was k i l led

i n the War .“ Yet they ’ re happy and at peace . Almost as i f

they ’d forgotte n . He ’ l l p lan t flowe rs i n h i s garden .

”

They ’ re old , Ronny . And perhaps they weret i red al ready when i t happened .

”

Yes,that must be i t . They ’ re old and t i red .

And now i t was the last adventu re of the i r last day .

They were walk i ng on the slope of Ren ton Moo r that‘

looks ove r R a thda le towards G refli ngton Edge . Thel i gh t from the west pou red i tsel f i n v iv i d green downthe va l ley be low them , broke i tse l f i n to pu rp le onKarva H i l l to the north above Morfe, and was beatenback i n subt le b l ue and v iolet f rom the stone rampartof t he Edge .N icholas had been develop i ng , i n fancy , the

st rateg ic resou rces of the coun t ry . Guns on Ren tonMoor ; guns along G refli ngton Edge ; on S arrackMoo r . The rak i ng l i nes of the h i l l s were st raigh tas i f they had been measu red with a ru le r and thenplaned .

“ Ronny , he sa id at last , we’ve l icked ’em in the

fi rst rou nd , you and I . The beast ly Boche can’ t do us

out of these th ree days .

“ No . We ’ve been absol u te ly happy . And we ’ l ln eve r forget i t . Never .”

Victory 3 1 1

Perhaps i t was a b i t rough on Dad and Mummy ,our cart i ng ou rse lves up here , away from them . But ,you see, they don

’ t real ly m i nd . They ’ re fee l i ngabou t i t now just as we fee l abou t i t . I knew theywou ld .

”

There had been a lette r from Frances say i ng she

was lad they ’d gone . She was so happy th i nk i nghow appy they were .

“ They ’ re angels, N icky .

Aren ’ t they ? S imply angels . That ’s the rottenpart of i t . I w ishI w i sh I cou ld te l l them what I th i nk of them .

But you can ’ t,somehow . I t st i cks i n you r th roat ,

that sort of th i ng .

”

You needn ’ t,

”she sa id ; they know al l r ight .

She thought Th is i s what he wants me to tel lthem abou t—afte rwards .

“Yes , bu t—I must have hu rt them—hu rt them

horr ib ly— lots of t imes . I w i sh I hadn ’ t .“ But , he wen t on , they ’ re fu nny , you know .

Dad actual ly though t i t i d iot i c of us to do th is . Hesaid i t wou l d on ly make i t harde r for us when I had to

go . They don ’ t see that it ’

s j ust p i l i ng i t on—go i ngrom one jol ly adven tu re to anothe r .

“ I ’m afra id,though , what he rea l ly mean t

was i t was hard on you ; because the rest of it’

s al lmy show .

”

“ But i t i sn ’ t a l l you r show , N icky darl i ng . I t ’sm i ne , and i t

’s thei rs—because we haven ’ t grudgedyou you r adven tu re .

”

“ That ’ s exact ly how I wan t you to fee l abou t i t .And they ’ re assum ing that I shan ’ t come back .

Which , i f you come to th i n k of i t , i s p retty b ig cheek .

They tal k , and they th i nk , as though nobody ever gotth rough . Whereas I ’ve eve r y i n ten t ion of gett i ngth rough and of com ing back . I ’m the sort of chapwho does get th rough , who does come back .

“ And even i f I wasn ’ t , i f they studied'

statisticsthey

’

d see that it ’

s a thousand chances to one aga i nst


the Boches gett i ng me—j ust me out of a l l the othe rchaps . As i f I was so j ol ly importan t .No ; don

’ t i n te rrup t . Let ’s get th i s th i ng st ra i h twh i le we ca n . Suppos i ng—j ust suppos ing I d ifn '

t

get th rough— d idn ’ t come back—suppos i ng I was un

l i ke myse l f and got k i l led , I wan t you to th i nk oftha t, not as a c l umsy acc ident , bu t j ust anotherawfu l ly i n terest i ng th i ng I ’d done .

“ Because , you see , you m ight be go i ng to have ababy ; and i f you took the th i ng as a shock i nstead o f-o f what i t p robab ly rea l ly i s, and wen t and got cu tup abou t i t , you m igh t start the l i t t l e begga r w i th asort of fit

,and shake i ts l i tt le ne rves up , so that i t

wou ld be j umpy al l i ts l i fe .

“ I t ough t ,” sa i d N icky

,to s it i n i ts l i tt l e

house al l qu ie t and comfy t i l l i t ’ s t ime for i t to comeout .”

He was struck wi th a sudden , poignan t rea l i sat ionof what m igh t be , what p robab ly wou ld be , wha tough t to be

,what he had wanted more than anyth ing ,

next to Veron ica .

“ I t shal l,N icky

,i t shal l be qu ie t and comfy .

I f that came off al l r ight he sa id ,“ i t wou ld

make i t up to Mother no end .

“ I t wou ldn ’ t make i t up to me .

You don ’ t know what i t wou ld do , he sa id .

She thought"“ I don ’ t wan t i t . I don ’ t wan tanyth i ng bu t you .

That ’ s why ,” he wen t on ,

“ I ’m giv i ng Don as

the next of k i n—the one they ’ l l w i re t o ; beca use i twon ’ t take h im that way ; i t

’ l l on ly make h im madde rto ge t ou t a nd do for them . I ’m afra id of you orMummy o r Dad , o r M ichae l be i ng told fi rst .

“ I t doesn ’ t mat te r a b i t who ’s told fi rst . I shal lknow fi rst

,

”she sa id . And you need n ’ t be afra id .

I t won ’ t k i l l e i ther me or the baby . I f a shock cou l dk i l l me I shou ld have d ied long ago .

“When ? ”

When you wen t to Desmond . Then , when I



I don ’ t know what i t i s . But it ’

s so rea l that Ith i nk i t ’s God .

“ That ’s why they’

re so magn ificen t ly bra veDorothy and Aun t Frances and al l of them . Theydon ’ t be l ieve i n i t ; they don

’ t know it’

s there ; evenM ichae l doesn 't know i t ’s there—yet ; and st i l l theygo on hearing and bea r i ng ; and they were glad to

give you up .

”

“ I know ,

” he sa id ; lots of peop le say they’ re glad ,

bu t they real ly are glad .

”

He med i tated .

“ There ’ s one th i ng . I can ’ t th i nk what you do ,un less it ’

s pray i ng or someth i ng ; and i f you’ re go i ng

to t u rn i t on to me , Ronny , I w i sh you’d be carefu l ;

becau se i t seems to me that i f there ’s anyth i ng i n i tat al l , there m ight be h i tches . I mean to say , youm igh t work i t j ust enough to keep me f rom be ingk i l l ed bu t not enough to keep my legs from be i nb lown off . Or the Boches m igh t get me fa ir enougha nd you m igh t b r i ng me back , al l paralysed andid iot ic .

“ That ’s what I shou ld funk . I shou ld funk i t mostd

lamnably, i f I thought abou t i t . Luck i ly one doesn

’ tt i n k .

”

“ But , N icky , I shou ldn’ t t ry to keep you back

then any more than I t r ied before .“ You wou ldn ’ t ? Honou r b r ight ? ”

Of cou rse I wou ldn ’ t . I t wouldn ’ t be p lay i ngthe game . To begi n w i th

,I won ’ t be l ieve that you ’ re

not go i ng to get th rough .

“ But i f you d idn ’ t—if you d idn ’ t come back— I

st i l l wou ldn ’ t be l ieve you ’d gone . I shou ld say, He

hasn ’ t ca red . He’

s gone on to someth i ng else . I tdoesn ’ t end h im .

’

He was s i len t . The long rampart of the h i l l,as

he stared at i t , made a pat te rn on h is m i nd ; a patternthat he pa id no atten t ion to .

Veron ica fol lowed the d i rect ion of h is eyes . Doyou mi nd talk i ng abou t i t ?

”she sa id .

Victory 3 1 5

Me ? Rather not . I t so rt of i n teres ts me . Idon ’ t k now whethe r I be l ieve i n you r th i ng o r not ;bu t I ’ve always had that fee l i ng , that you go on . Youdon ’ t st0p ; you can

’ t stop . That ’ s why I don ’ t ca re .

They used to th i nk I was t ry i ng to be fu nny when Isa id I d idn ’ t ca re . But I real ly d idn ’ t . Th ings , mostth i ngs

,don ’ t much matte r , because there

’s alwayssometh ing e lse . You 0 on to i t .

“ I ca re fo r you . on matte r most awfu l ly ; andmy peop le ; bu t most o f al l you . You a lways havematte red to me more than anyth i ng , s i nce the fi rstt ime I hea rd you cal l i ng ou t to me to come and s it onyou r bed because you were fr igh tened . You alwaysw i l l matte r .Bu t Desmond d idn ’ t a l i t t le b i t . You needn ’ t

have t r ied to make me think she d idn ’ t . She real lyd idn ’ t . I on ly marr i ed he r because she was go ing tohave a baby . And tha t was because I rememberedyou and the rotte n t ime you ’d had . I be l i eve tha twou ld have kept me st ra igh t w i th women i f noth i nge lse did .

“ Of cou rse I was an i d iot abou t i t . I d idn ’ t th i nkof marry i ng you t i l l Vera to ld me I ought to havewa i ted . Then i t was too late .

“ That ’s why I wan t you most aw fu l ly to have ababy)’

“ I ’ l l te l l you what I ’m goi ng to do when I knowit

’

s com i ng . The cottage be longs to Uncle Anthony,

doesn ’ t i t ?“Yes .

?

VVell , I love i t . Do you th i nk he ’d let me l ive1n i t

“ I th i n k he ’d g ive i t to you i f you asked h im .

For my very own . L ike the app le-t ree house .

Very wel l , he’ l l g ive i t to me—I mea n to both of us

a nd I shal l come u p he re where it ’

s al l qu i e t and

you

’

d never know there was a war at al l—even theelg 1ans have forgotten i t . And I shal l s it ou t here


and look at that h i l l , becau se it’

s st ra igh t and beaut i fu l . I won ’ t—I s imply won ’ t th i nk o f anyth i ngthat i sn ’ t st ra ight and beaut i fu l . And I shal l getst rong . Then the baby w i l l be st ra ight and beaut i fu land st rong too .

I shal l t ry—I shal l t ry hard , N icky—to make h iml ike you .

”

Frances ’

s one day was not a success ; I t was takenup w i th l i t t l e th i ngs that had to be done for N icky .

Always they seemed , he and she, to be on the edgeof someth i ng great , someth i ng sat i sfy i ng and re

veal i ng . I t was to come in a look or a word ; andboth wou ld remembe r i t afte rwards for eve r .I n the even i ng Gran n ie

,and Aunt ie Lou ie

,and

Aun t ie Emmel i n e,and Aun t i e Ed ie

,and Uncle Morr i s

,

and Uncle Bart i e came up to say good-bye . And i nthe morn i ng N icholas went off to France , exc i ted andhappy

,as he had gone off on h i s wedd i ng jou rney .

And between Frances and her son the great th i ngrema ined u nsa id .

Time i tsel f was b roken . Al l he r m i nu tes werescattered l i ke fine sand .

February 27th, 1 9 1 5 .

FRANCE .

DEAREST MOTHER AND DAD ,—I simpl d on ’ t

know how to thank you al l for the fu r coat . t’

s pronounced the ripp ingest, by a long way , that

’s bee nseen i n these t renches . D id Ronny real ly choose i t ,because i t ‘looked as i f i t had been made ou t ofT immy ’ s tummy ? ’ I t makes me fee l as i f I wasTimmy . Timmy on h i s h i nd legs , rampan t , claw i ngat the Boches .

Just th i n k of the effect i f he got up

over the parapet“The other th i ngs came al l r ight , too , thanks .



i t any day than fat German fingers squeez i ng mywi ndp ipe .

“ That ’ s an answer to h is quest ion .

And Dorothy wan ted to know what i t feel s l i kego i ng i n to act ion . Wel l—there ’s a lot of i t thatperhaps she wou ldn ’ t bel ieve i n i f I told he r— it

’

s thesort of th i ng she never has be l i eved ; bu t Stephen wasabsol u te ly r ight . You a ren ’ t sold . I t

’

s more thananyth i ng you cou ld have imag i ned . I ’m not speak i ngon ly for mysel f .There ’ s j u st one beastly sensat ion when you ’ re

hal f-way between you r parapet a nd the i rs—othe rfe l lows say they ’ve fe l t i t too—when you ’ re af ra id i t(the fee l i ng) shou ld fizz l e out before you get the re .But i t doesn ’ t . I t grows more and more so, s imp lysw i ngi ng you on to them , and that sw i ng makes upfor a ll the rotten t imes pu t togethe r . You need n ’ t beso rry for us . I t

’

s waste of p i ty .

“ I k now Don and Dorothy and Dad and Ron nyaren ’ t sorry fo r us . B u t I ’m not so su re of M i chae land Mothe r . —Always you r lov i ng ,

N ICK Y .

”

“May, 1 9 1 5 .

FRANCE .

MY DEAR M ICK ,—I t ’ s awfu l ly decen t of you to

wri te so often when you loathe wr i t i ng , espec ial lyabou t th i ngs that bore you . B u t you needn ’ t do that .We get the news from the othe r fron ts i n the pape rsmore o r less ; and I honest ly don

’ t ca re a damn whatAsqu i th i s say ing or what Lloyd George i s do i ng orwhat Northcl ifle ’

s mot ives are . Pe rsonal ly , I shou ldsay he was s imply try i ng , l i ke most of us , to save h iscount ry . Looks l i ke i t . Bu t you can te l l h im fromme , i f he get s them to send us enough she l l s ou t intime we shan ’

t worry about h i s mot ives . ~ Anyhow,

that sort of th i ng i sn ’ t i n you r l i ne , old man , and Dadca n do i t much bet te r than you , i f you don ’ t m i nd mysay i ng so .

Victory 3 1 9

W hat I wan t to know is what Don and Dorothya re do i n and the last sweet th i n Dad sa id toMother—I ’

d g ive a day ’s rest i n myFi l le t fo r one ofh i s worst j okes . And I l ike to hear abou t Morr iego i ng on the bust aga in , too—it sou nds so peacefu l .Only i f i t real ly is anx ie ty abou t me that makes h imdo i t , I w ish he

’d leave off th i nk i ng about me, poorold th i ng .

More than anyth i ng I wan t to know how Ronnyis ; how she

’s look i ng , and what she’s fee l i ng ; you

’ l lbe abl e to make ou t a lot , and she may te l l you th ingsshe won ’ t te l l the others . That ’s why I ’m glad you ’ rethere and not he re .

“ And as for that—why go on worry i ng ? I doknow how you fee l abou t i t . I th i nk I a lways d id , i na way . I neve r thought you were a pu tr id Pacifist .

’

Your m i nd ’s al l r igh t . You say the War takes me l i kere l ig ion ; perhaps i t does ; I don

’ t k now enough abou tre l ig ion to say, but i t seems nea r enough fo r a fi rstshot . And when you say i t doesn

’ t take you thatway , that you haven

’ t got ’ i t , I - can see that thatexpresses a fa i r ly u nderstandab l e state o f m i nd . Ofcou rse

,I know i t i sn ’ t fu nk . I f you

’

d'

happened toth i nk of the U ldmatum fi rst , i n stead of the Governmen t , you

’d have been i n at the start , before me .

“Wel l—there ’s such a th i ng as convers ion , i sn’ t

the re ? You never can te l l what may happen to you .and the War isn ’ t ove r yet . Those of us who a re i ni t now aren ’ t go ing to see the best of i t by a long way .

There ’ s no doub t the very finest fight i ng ’

ll be at thefin i sh ; so that the pat r iot i c beggars who were i n sucha hu rry to jo i n up w i l l be jol ly wel l sold , poor dev i ls .Take me , for i nstance . I f I ’d got what I wan ted andbeen out i n F landers i n 1 9 1 4 , ten to one I shou ld havebeen i n the ret reat from Mons

,l i ke Frank , and neve r

anywhere else . Then I ’d have given my head to have

gone to Gal l ipol i ; bu t now, we l l , I

’m just as glad’

m not m ixed up i n that aff a i r .“ St i l l , that

’s not the way to look at i t , calcu lat i ng


the fun you can get out of i t fo r you rsel f . And i t ’scerta i n ly not the way to w i n the War . At that rate onemight go on sav i ng onese l f up for the Rh i ne , wh i leal l the othe r fel lows were get t i ng pou nded to a splashon the way there . So i f you ’ re go i ng to be convertedlet ’s hope you ’ l l be converted qu ick .

“ I f you are , my adv ice i s , t ry to get you r comm iss ion st ra igh t away . There are th i ngs you won ’ tbe ab le to stand i f you ’ re a Tommy . For i nstance ,hav i ng to p ig i t on the floor w i th a l l you r b rotherTomm ies . I s lep t for th ree months next to a bea st lyb l i ghte r who used to come i n dru nk and t read on myface and be i l l al l over me .

“ Even now , when I look back on i t , that seemsworse than anyth i ng that ’ s happened ou t here . Butthat ’s because at home you r m i nd isn ’ t adj u sted tohorrors . That chap came as a shock and a su rp r iseto me every t ime . I cou ldn

’

t get used to h im .

Whereas out here eve ryth i ng ’s sh i fted i n the’

queerest

way . You r m i nd sh i fts . You fu nk you r fi rs t andyou r second s ight , say , of a bad st retche r case ; bu twhen i t comes to the th i rd and the fou rth you don ’ tfu nk at al l ; you

’ re not shocked , you’ re not a b i t sur

pri sed . I t’

s al l i n the p ictu re , and you’ re i n the

p ictu re too . There ’s a sort of horr ib l e harmony . I t’

s

l i ke a ce rta i n k i nd of beast ly dream wh ich doesn ’ tfr ighten you because you ’ re part of i t , part of thebeastl i ness .

“ No , the th i ng that got me , so far , more thananyth i ng was—what do you th i nk ? A l i t t le dog , nob igge r than a k i tten , that was ru n over the othe r dayi n the st reet by a motor-cycl i st—and a c iv i l ian at that .There were two or th ree women round i t , c ry i ng andgest icu lat i ng . I t l ooked as i f they ’d ju st l i fted i t ou tof a bath of b lood . That made me s i ck . You see ,

the l i t t l e dog wasn’ t i n the p ictu re . I hadn ’ t barga i ned

for h im .

“ Yet the th i ngs Morr i e saw i n Sou th Afr ica—doyou remember how he wou ld te l l us about them



That rem i nds me , I suppose I may tel l you nows i nce i t ’ s been i n the papers , that we

’ve actua l ly gotMov ing Fort resses ou t here . I haven ’ t seen them yet

,

bu t a fe l low who has th i nks the must be uncommon lyl i ke Drayton

’

s and my th i ng . { suSpect , f rom what hesays , they

’ re a b i t bette r , though . We hadn 't got therock i ng-horse idea .

I t ’ s odd—th i s t ime last yea r I shou ld have goneoh

“ my head w i th agony at the mere thought ofanybody gett i ng i n before us ; and now I don

’ t ca re ab i t . I do m ind rather for Drayton

’

s sake , though Idon ’ t suppose he cares, e i the r . The grea t th i ng i sthat it ’

s been done , and done bette r . Anyway , we’ve

been l ucky . Suppos i ng the German s had got on tothem , and t rotted them out fi rst , and one of ou r ownuns had potted h im or me , tha t wou ld have

'

been a

j ol ly se l l .What makes you ask afte r Timmy ? I hard ly

l i ke to tel l you the awfu l th i ng that ’s happened to h im .

He had to t ravel down to the base hosp i ta l on a poo rchap who was sh iver i ng w ith shel l-shock

,and—he

n ever came back aga in . I t doesn ’ t matte r, becau sethe weather ’s so warm now that I don ’ t wan t h im .

B u t I ’m sorry because you al l gave h im to me and i tlooks as i f I hadn ’ t cared for h im . Bu t I d id .

“

June l oth .

Sorry I cou ldn ’ t fin ish th i s last week . Th i ngsdevelop rathe r sudden ly . I w i sh I cou ld te l l youwhat, bu t we mustn

’ t let on what hap en s , not evennow

,when i t ’s done happen i ng . St i l there are al l

the other th i ngs I cou ldn ’ t say anyth i ng about at thet 1me .

“ I f you must know , I’ve been Up ove r the top

th ree t imes now s i nce I came out i n Feb ruary . So ,‘

ou see, one gets th rough al l r igh t .“Wel l—I t r ied ages ago to te l l Dorothy what i t

was l i ke . I t’

s been l ike that eve ry t ime (except that

Victory 323

I ’ve got ove r the quee r fu nky fee l i ng hal f-waythrough). I t

’ l l be l i ke that a a i n next t ime , I know .

Because now I ’ve tested i t . nd , Ronny—I cou ldn ’ tte l l Dorothy th is , because she ’d th i nk i t was a ll rotbu t when you ’ re up fi rst ou t of the t rench and standa lone on the parapet , it

’

s absol u te happ i ness . Andthe charge is—wel l , it’

s s imply heaven . I t’

s as i fyou ’d neve r real ly l i ved t i l l then ; I ce rta i n ly hadn

’ t ,not up to the top-notch

,barr i ng those th ree days we

had togethe r .That 's why—th i s part ’ s most ly fo r M ichael

there ’s someth i ng rotten abou t that poem he sen t methat somebody wrote , mak i ng ou t that th is gorgeousfight

-fee l i ng (wh ich is what I suppose he’

s t ry i ng for)i s noth i ng bu t a form of sex-madness . I f he th i nksthat ’s a l l there is i n i t , he doesn

’ t know much abou twar , or love e i ther . Though I

’m bound to say the re’s

a c lever chap i n my batta l ion who th i n ks the sameth i ng . He says he fee ls the ecstasy , or whateve r i tis , al l r ight , j ust the same as I do ; bu t that it

’

s s imp lysubmerged savagery bobb i ng ti p to the top—a h iddenl ust fo r k i l l i ng

, a nd the h idden memory of‘

hav i ngk i l led , he cal led i t . He

’

s a lways ashamed of i t thenext day , as i f he had been dru nk .

“ And my Sergeant-Major , b less h im , says there’s

noth i ng i n i t bu t a rat i on of rum .

’ Can ’ t be that i nmy ca se because I always g ive m ine to a fu nny chapwho knows he ’ s go i ng to have co l lywobbles as soonas he gets ou t i n to the O pen .

“ Bu t that i sn ’ t a b i t what I mean . They ’ re al lwrong abou t i t , becau se they make i t tu rn on k i l l i ng ,and not on you r chance of be i ng k i l l ed . Tha t—whenyou real i se it—wel l , it

’

s l i ke the th i ng you to ld meabou t that you sa id you though t must be God becau seit

’

s so real . I d i dn ’ t u nderstand i t then , but I do now .

You ’ re bang up aga i nst real i ty—you ’ re go ing cleani n to it—and the sense o f it ’

s exqu is i te . Of cou rse ,wh i le one hal f of you i s fee l i ng l i ke that , the othe rhalf is figh t i ng to k i l l and do i ng its best to keep on


this s ide rea l i ty . Bu t I ’ve been near enon h to theo the r s ide to know . And I w ish M ichae ’

s fr iendwou ld come out and see what it ’

s l i ke for h imse l f .Or

,bette r st i l l , M ick . He

’

d wr i te a poem abou t i tthat wou ld make you s it up . I t

’

s a s in that I shouldbe gett i ng al l th i s sp lend id stu ff when I can ’ t doanyth i ng w i th i t .Love to al l of them and to you r darl i ng sel f .

Always you r lov i ng,N ICK Y . ”

P .S .—I wish you ’d t ry to get some not ion of i t

i n to Dad and Dorothy and Mother . I t wou ld savethem hal f the m isery they ’ re p robab ly go i ngth rough .

”

The gardener had gone to the War , and Veron icawas i n the garden , weed i ng the delph i n i um borde r .I t was Sunday afte rnoon and she was a lone there .

Anthony was d igg i ng i n the k i tchen garden , andFrances was w i th h im

,gather i ng green peas and fru i t

fo r the hosp i ta l . Every now and then she cameth rough the Open door on to the flagged path of theupper te rrace w i th the p i led-up baskets i n he r arms ,and she sm i led and nodded to Ve ron ica .

I t was qu ie t i n the garden, so that , when her

momen t came , Veron ica cou ld t ime i t by the st r ik i ngof the c lock hea rd th rough the open doorway of thehouse"fou r st rokes ; and the hal f-hou r ; and then ,almost on the st roke , her rush of pu re , myste r iou shapp i ness .Up t i l l then she had been on ly t ranqu i l ; and her

t ranqu i l l i ty made each smal l act exqu i s i te and del i ghtfu l , as he r finge rs tugged at the weeds

,and shook the

earth from the i r weak roots , and the palms of herhands smoo thed over the p laces whe re they had been .

She thought O f O l d Jean and Suzanne,plan t i ng

flowers i n the garden a t Renton,and of that t ran


XXIV

THE you ng men had gone—Morton E l l i s , who hadsai d he was damned i f he ’d fight fo r h i s count ry ;and Aust i n M i tche l l , who had sa i d he hadn

’ t gota coun try ; and Mon ie r—Owen , who had sa id thatEngland was not a count ry you cou ld fi ht for .George Wadham had gone long ago . That

,ichael

sa i d,was to be expected . Even a weak gust cou ld

sweep young Wadham off h i s feet—and he had beenfa i r ly carr ied away . He could no more res i st thevortex of the War than he cou ld res i st the vortexof the a rts .Michae l had two p i t i fu l memor ies of the boy one

of young Wadham swagger i ng i n to Stephen ’s roomi n un i form (the fi rst t ime he had i t on), flushed andpleased wi th h imse l f and talk i ng exc i tedly abou t theGreat Game and one of young Wadham retu rnedfrom the Front , matu re and hard ,

not tal k i ng aboutthe “ Great Game at a l l

,and w i nc i ng palpably when

othe r people tal ked ; a young Wad ham who , theysa id , ou h t to be arrested under the Defen ce of theRealm ct as a quencher of war-enthus iasms .The othe rs had gone late r , one by one , each w i th

h i s own gestu re"M itche l l and Mon ie r-Owen whenS tephen went ; E l l i s the day afte r Stephen

’s death .

I t had taken Stephen ’s death to draw h im .

Only M ichae l rema i ned .

He told them they were m istaken i f they thoughtthe i r go i ng wou ld i nsp i re h im to fol low them . I t ,and Stephen ’s d eath

,merely i ntens ified the b i tte rnes s

he fe l t towards the War . He was more than everdeterm ined to keep h imself pu re from i t

,consec rated

326

Victory 327

to h is Forlorn Hope . I f they fe l l back , al l the morereason why he shou ld go on .

And,wh i le he wa i ted for the momen t of v i s i on ,

he cont i nued Stephen ’ s work on the Green R ev iew .

Stephen had l e ft i t to h im when he wen t ou t . M ichae lhad tr ied to be fa i thfu l to the t rad i t ion he thus inherited ; but gradua l ly Stephen

’ s sp i r i t d isappearedf rom the R ev i ew and Its place was taken by the c lear ,hard

,unbreakable th i ng that was M ichae l ’s m i nd .

And M ichae l knew that he was beg i n n i ng to makeh imse l f fe l t .But Stephen ’s staff

,such as i t was , and nearly al l

h i s con t r ibu tors had gone to the War , one afte ranother

,and M ichae l fou nd h imse lf tak i ng al l the i r

p laces . He began to fee l a st ra i n , wh ich he tookto be the st ra i n of overwork

,and he went down to

Renton to recove r .That was on the Tuesday that fol lowed Veron ica

’

sSunday .

He though t that down the re he wou ld ge t awayfrom everyth i ng that did h im harm from h is father ’ sand mother ’ s eyes ; from h is s i ste r

’ s p roud , cold face ;and from h is you ng brothe r ’ s sm i le ; and fromVeron ica ’ s beau ty tha t saddened h im ; and from the

sense Of Nicky ’s dange r that b rood ed as a secretobsess ion ove r the house . He wou ld fi l l up theawfu l empty Space . He thought"“ For a wholefortn ight I shal l get away f rom th i s i n ferna l War .”

But he did not get away f rom i t . On every stageof the jou rne down he encou n tered sold iers go i ng tothe Front . e wal ked i n the Park at Dar l i ngton between h i s t ra i ns , and wounded so ld ie rs wa i ted fo r h imon every seat , shuffled toward h im round every tu rni ng , hobbled afte r h im on the i r c ru tches down everypath . The i r eyes looked at h im wi th a sh rewdhost i l i ty . He saw the young Yorksh i re recru i tsdri l l i ng i n the open spaces . Sergeants

’ eyes caughtand measu red h im

,appra is i ng h is phys ique . Behmd

and among themhe saw Drayton’

s , and R éveillaud’

s,


and Stephen ’s eyes ; and young Wadham’ s eyes

,

st range and secret ive and hard .

At Reybu rn,M ichae l ’s t ra i n was sw itched off to

a s i de p latform i n the open . Before he le ft Darl i ngton , a th i n , l igh t ra i n had begun to fa l l f rom a sh redof b lown c loud ; and at Reybu rn the bu rst mass wascom i ng down . The p lace was fu l l of the no i se of

ra i n . The drops tapped on the Open p latfo rm andh issed as the w i nd drove them i n a runn in st ream .

They drummed loud ly on the stat ion roof . ut th esesound s wen t out sudden ly , covered by the t rampl i ngo f fee t .A band of H igh landers w i th the i r bagp ipes

marched i n to the stat ion . The l i ned up solemn lya long the open plat rm w i th the 1 r backs to M i chae l ’st ra i n and the i r faces to the naked ra i l s on the othe rs ide . H igher up M ichae l cou ld see the breast of aneng i ne ; i t was back i ng , back i ng , towards the t roopt ra i n that wa i ted u nd er the cover O f the roof . Hecou ld hear the Clank of the coupl i ng and the reco i l .At that sou nd the band had the i r mouths to the i rbagp ipes and the i r fingers ready on the stops . Twoor three office rs hu rr ied down from the stat ion doorsand stood ready .

The t ra i n came on slow ly,packed w i th men ; men

who th rust the i r heads and shou lders th rough thecarriage w i ndows , and kne l t on the seats , and stoodst ra i n i n g over each other ’ s backs to look out ; menwhose faces were scar le t w i th exc i temen t ; men w ithopen mouths shout i ng for joy .

The offi cers sa l uted as i t passed . I t hal ted at theope n p latform

,and sudden ly the p i pe rs began to

p lay .

M ichael got ou t of h is t ra i n and watched .

Solemn ly , i n the grey even i ng of the ra i n , wi ththe i r faces set i n a sort of stern ecstasy , the H ighl anders p layed to thei r com rades . M ichael d id not


The Tree of Heaven

For th ree days M ichael h imse l f had peace .He wen t up to Veron ica ’ s h i l l and sat on i t

,and

thought how for hundreds of mi les , north , south , eastand west of h im ,

there was not a sou l whom he knew .

I n a l l h i s l i fe he had never been more by h imsel f .Th is sol i tude of h i s had a s i ngu la r e ffec t on

M ichae l ’ s m i nd . So far from hav i ng got away fromthe War he had never been more consc ious o f i t thanhe was now . What he had got away from was othe rpeop le ’s consc iousness . From the beg i n n i ng theth i ng that had th reatened h im had been , not theWar

,bu t th i s co l l ect i ve war-sp i r i t

,c lamour ing for

h i s p r i vate sou l .For the fi rst t ime s i nce August

,n i neteen-fou rteen

,

he found h imsel f th i nk i ng,i n pe rfect freed om and

w i th perfec t l uc i d i ty , abou t the War . He had rea l lyknown , hal f the t ime , that i t was the greatest \Var o fI ndependence that had ever been . As for h is O ldhat red of the B r i t i sh Emp i re

,he had seen long ago

that there was no such th ing,i n the con t i nen tal sense

of Emp i re ; there was a un ique th i ng , the ru le , moregood than bad

,of an imper ia l peop le . He had seen

that the st rength of the Al l i es was i n exact p roport ion to the st rength and the en l ightenmen t of the i rdemocrac i es . Reckon i ng by decades , there cou ldbe no deadlock i n the struggle ; the d eadlock mean ta ten-years ’ arm ist ice and another war . He cou ldnot hel p see i ng these th i ngs . H is Object ion to occu

py ing h i s m i nd w i th them had been that they weretoo easy .

Now that he cou ld look at i t by h imsel f he saw howthe War m ight take hold of you l ike a rel i g ion . I twas the Great War of Redempt ion . And redempt i on mean t s imp ly thousand s and m i l l ion s Of men i nt roop-sh i ps and t roop-t ra i n s com i ng from the endso f the world to buy the freedom of the world w i ththe i r bod ies . I t mean t that the very fields he waslook i ng ove r

,and th i s beau ty of the h i l l s , those un

used ramparts where no batter ies we re h id,and the

Victory 33 1

smal l,s i len t v i l lages

,Morfe a nd li enton , were bought

now w i th the i r bod ies .

He wondered how at th i s momen t any saneman could be a pac ifist . And

,wonder i ng , he fe l t a

rem i n i scen t st i ng of gr ief and yearn i ng . But he re

fused , resol ute ly , to fee l a ny shame .

H is re l ig ion a lso was good ; and , anyhow, youd idn ’ t choose you r re l i g ion ; i t chose you .

And on Satu rday the let te rs came"John ’ s let te renclos in the w i re from the War Ofli ce , and the lette rthat N ic cy

’

s Colone l had wr i tten to Anthony .

N icky was k i l led .

M ichae l took i n the fact,and the date (i t was last

Sunday). There were some offic ia l regrets , bu t theymade no impress ion on h im . John ’ s let te r made noimp ress ion o n h im . Last Sund ay N icky was k i l led .

He had not even u nfo lded the Co lone l ’s lette r ye t .The c lose b lack l i nes showed th rough the th i n pape r .Thei r c loseness repe l led h im . He did not wan t toknow how h i s b rother had d ied ; at least not yet . Hewas afra id of the Colone l ’s lette r . He fe l t that bys imply not read i ng i t he cou ld pu t Off the u nbearab letu rn of the screw .

He was sh iver i ng w i th cold . He drew up h ischa i r to the w ide

,open hearth-p lace where there was

no fi re ; he held out h is hands ove r i t . The w indswept down the ch imney and made h im colder ; andhe fe l t s i ck .

He had been s i tt i ng there abou t an hou r whenSuzanne came i n and asked h im i f he wou ld l ike al i t t le fi re . He heard h imse l f say i ng

“ No , thankyou , i n a hard vo ice . The idea Of warmth and

comfort was d isagreeable to h im . Suzan ne askedh im then i f he had had bad news . And he hea rdh imse l f say i ng"“ Yes

,

” and Suzan ne t ry i ng , t ry i ngvery gent ly

,to pe rsuade h im that i t was pe rhaps

on ly that Mons ieu r N icky was wou nded .


No ? Then, sa id the old woman , he i s k i l led .

And she began to c ry .

M ichae l cou ld n ’ t stand that . He rot up andopened the doo r i nto the oute r room ,

a nd3

she passedth rough before h im , sobb i ng and wh impe r i ng . Hervo ice came to h im th rough the c losed door i n a sharpc ry te l l i ng Jean that Mons ieu r N icky wa s dead , and

Jean’ s vo ice came

,hush i ng her .

Then he heard the feet of the old man sh u ffl i ngac ross the k i tchen floor , and the outer door open i ngand shutt i ng sof t ly ; and th rough the w i ndows at theback of the room he saw , wi thou t heed i ng , as theBelg ians passed and wen t up i n to the fields togethe r

,

weep i ng , l eav i ng h im a lone .They had remembered .

I t was then that M ichae l read the Colone l ’s le tte rand learned the manner O f h is b rothe r ’s death

Abou t a quarte r pas t fou r o ’c lock i n the afte rnoon h i s batta l ion was be i ng pressed back , when hera l l ied h i s men and led them i n as gal lan t an attack aswas eve r made by so smal l a n umber i n th i s War . Hewas stand i ng on the enemy ’s parapet when he wasshot th rough the heart and fel l . By a quarte r tofive the trench was stormed and taken

,owi ng to h i s

pe rsonal dar i ng and impetus and to the affec t ion andconfidence he i nsp i red We hear i t cont i n ual lysa id of ou r oflicers and men that ‘they ’ re a l l thesame ,

’ and I daresay as fa r as p luck goes they are .

But , i f I may say so,we al l fe l t that vou r son had

someth i ng that we haven ’ t got .

M ichae l lay awake i n the bed that had been h i sb rother ’ s marr iage

,

bed . The low wh i te ce i l i ngsagged and bulged above h im . For th ree n ights theroom had been as i f N icky and Veron ica had neve rgone from i t . The y had compel led h im to th i nk o f

them . They had la i n where he lay , fa l l i ng asleepi n each othe r ’ s arms .



Someth i ng had happened . He wou ld know whati t was when he came c lea r out of th i s d rown i ng .

Now he remembered . N icky was k i l led . LastSunday . He knew that . But that wasn ’ t a l l of i t .There was someth i ng el se that fol lowed on

Sudden ly h is m ind leaped on i t . He was goi ngout . He wou ld be k i l led 100 . And because he wasgo i ng out, and because he wou ld be k i l led ,

he wasnot fee l i ng N icky ’ s death so acutely as he shou ldhave thought he wou ld have fe l t i t . He had been letO ff that .He lay st i l l a m oment

,look i ng at the th i ng he

was go i ng to do,fee l i ng a certa i n pleasu re i n i t s

fi tness . Drayton a nd R éve i llaud and Lawrence hadgone out

,and they had been k i l led E l l i s and

M itchel l and Mon ie r-Owen were go i ng out,and they

wou ld certa i n ly be k i l led . Wadham had gone out

and you ng V ereker,and they a l so wou ld be k i l led .

Last Sunday i t was N icky . Now i t must be he .H is m i nd acknowledged the r ightness of the

sequence w i thou t conce rn . I t was aware that h i sgo i ng depended on h is own wi l l . But neve r i n al lh i s l i fe had he b rought so l i tt le imagi nat ion to theact of w i l l i n g .

He got up , bathed i n the r ive r , d ressed , and ateh is breakfast . He accepted each moment as i ta rr ived , w i thou t imag i nat ion or concern .

Then h i s mother ’ s lette r came . Frances wrote,

among other th i ngs"“ I know how te rr ib ly you wi l lbe fee l i ng i t

,because I know how you cared for h im .

I w ish I cou ld comfort you . We coul d not bear i t,

M ichael,i f we were not so p roud of h im .

He answered th i s l ette r at once . He wrote" Icou ld n ’ t bear i t e i ther

,i f I we re not goi ng out . But

O f cou rse I ’m goi ng now .

As he s igned h imse l f ,“ You r lov i ng M ichae l

,

he thought"“ That sett les i t . Yet , i f he had cons idered what he m ean t by sett l i ng i t h e wou ld havetold h imsel f that he mean t noth i n g ; that last n ight

Victory 335

had sett led i t ; that h i s resol ut ion had been absolu te lysel f-«dete rm i ned and absol ute ly i rrevocable then

,and

that h i s s ignatu re gave i t 110 more sanct i ty or final i tythan i t had a l ready . I f he was conscr i p t

,he was

conscr i pt to h i s own wi l l .He wen t out at once wi th h i s let te r

,though he

k new that the post d id not l eave Renton for anothe rfive hou rs .

I t was the sl id i ng of thi s l igh t th in g and i ts fal li n to the l ette r-box that shook h im i nto rea l isa tion

'

of

wha t he had done and of what was before h im . Heknew now why he was i n such a hu rry to wr i te thatle t ter a nd to ost i t . By those two sl ight acts

,not

d readfu l nor ifl'icult i n themselves , he had pu t i t ou tO f h i s power to withd raw from the one supremelyd ifli cu lt and dreadfu l act . A second ago , wh i l e thelette r was st i l l i n h i s hands , he cou l d have backed outbecause he had not given any pledge . Now he wou ldhave to go th rough wi th i t . And he saw clear ly forthe fi rs t t ime wha t i t was that he wou ld have to goth rough .

He le ft the v i l lage and wen t Up to Renton Moorand wal ked along the top for m iles , wi thou t know ingor car i ng whe re he went , and see i ng noth i ng beforeh im bu t h i s own act and what must come afte rwards .

By to-morrow, or the next day at the latest , he wou ld

have en l i sted ; by s ix months , a t the latest , th reem on ths i f he had what they ca l led “ l uck

,

” he wou ldbe i n the t renches

,fight ing and k i l l i ng , not because

he chose , bu t because he wou ld be told to fight andk i l l . By the s i inple act of send i ng that lette r to h i smo ther he was comm itted to the whole ghast lybus i ness .And he funked i t . There was no use ly i ng to

h imsel f and say i ng that he d idn ’ t fu nk i t .Even more than the actual fight i ng and k i l l i ng

,

he fu nked look i ng on at fight i ng and k i l l i ng ; as forbe i ng k i l led , he d id n

’ t th i n k he wou ld real l y m i ndthat so much . I t wou ld come—it must come—as a


re l ie f from the horrors he wou ld have to see beforei t came . N icky had sa id tha t they were u nbe l ievab le ;he had seemed to th i nk you cou ld n

’ t imag i ne them i fyou hadn ’ t seen them . But M ichae l cou ld . H e hadon ly to th i nk of them to see them now . He cou ldmake war-p ic tu res for h imsel f , i n five m i nutes , eve ryb i t as terr i fy i ng as the th i ngs the y sa id happenedu nde r fi re . Any fool , i f he chose to th i nk abou t i t ,cou l d see what must happen . Only peop le d i d n

’ tth i nk . They rushed i nto i t w i thout see i ng anyth ing ;and then

,i f they we re honest , they owned that they

funked i t,before and du r i ng and afte rwards and al l

the t ime .

N icky d idn ’ t . But that was on ly because N ickyhad some th i ng tha t the othe rs hadn ’ t got ; that he ,M ichael , hadn

’ t . I t was al l ve ry wel l to say , as hehad sa id last n ight"“ Th is ends i t or, as the i rph rase was

,Everyth i ng goes i n now .

” I t wasi ndeed , as fa r as he was concerned , the end of beautyand o f the mak i ng O f beau ty , a nd of everyth i ng worthcar i ng for ; but i t was a lso the beg i n n i ng of a l i fe thatM ichael d readed more than fight i ng and k i l l i ng andbe i ng k i l led"a l i fe of boredom , of obscene ugl iness ,O f revol t i n g contac ts

,of i n tole rab le subject ion . For

o f cou rse he was go ing i nto the ra nk s as N icky hadgone . And al ready he cou ld fee l the heat andp ressu re and v ib rat ion of male bod ies packed bes ideand a round h im on the floor ; he cou ld hear the i rb reath i ng ; he cou ld smel l the i r fet id bedd i ng , the i rdr i ed sweat .Of cou rse he was go i ng th rough w ith i t ; on ly

th i s was the though t h i s m i nd tu rned round and

rou nd on i n horro r a t i tsel f—he fu nked i t . He fu nkedi t so badly that he wou l d rea l ly rathe r d ie than gothrough w i th i t . When he was actua l ly k i l l ed tha twou l d be h i s second death ; months before ,

it cou ldhappen he wou ld have known a l l abou t i t ; he wou ldhave been dead and bu r ied and a l i ve aga i n i n hel l .

IV ha t shocked M ichae l was h i s d iscover i ng , not



He thought" I t s al l very we l l to say I ’m goi ng ; buthow can I go ? He had Lawrence Stephen ’ s workto do ; Lawrence

’ s L i fe and Let ters were i n h i s hands .

How cou ld he possi bly go and leave Lawrence deadand fo rgot ten ? Th is v iew seemed to h im to be san i tyand common sense .

As h i s m i nd darted up th is tu rn i ng i t was d r ivenback . He saw Lawrence S tephen sm i l i ng a t h im , ashe had sm i led at h im when R éve illaud d ied .

Lawrence wou ld have wanted h im to go more thananyth i ng . He wou ld have chosen to be dead andforgotten rathe r than keep h im .

At n ight these thoughts left h im . He began to

th i nk of N icky and of h i s people . H is father andmothe r wou ld neve r be happy aga i n . N icky had beenmore to them than he was , or even John . He hadbeen more to Dorothy . I t was hard on Dorothy tol ose N icky and Dray ton too .

He thought O f N icky and Veron i ca . Poor l i t t l eRonny

,what wou ld she do w ithou t N icky ? He

thought of Veron ica , s i t t i ng s i len t i n the t ra i n , andl ook ing at h im w i th he r start l i ng look of sp i r i tua lmatu r i ty . He though t of Veron ica s i ng i ng to h imove r and over aga i n"

London Bridge i s broken down

Bu i l d i t up wi th gol d so fine

Bu i l d i t up wi th stone so strong

He thought of Veron ica ru n n i ng about the house andc ry i ng

,Where ’ s N icky ? I wan t h im .

Monday“ was l i ke Su nday , excep t that he walked

up Karva H i l l i n the morn i ng and up G reffingtonEdge i n the afte rnoon

,i n stead of Renton Moor .

Whicheve r way he wen t h i s thoughts wen t the sameway as yeste rday . The images were , i f anyth i ng ,

Victory 339

more c rowded and more horr ibl e ; bu t they had lostthe i r hold . He was t i red of look i ng at them .

Abou t five O ’c lock he tu rned ab rupt ly and wen tback to the v i l lage the same way by wh ich he came .

And as he swung down the h i l l road i n s igh t o fRenton

,sudden ly there was a great c learance i n h i s

sou l .When he wen t i n to the cottage he fou nd Veron ica

the re wa i t i ng for h im . She sat w i th her hands ly i ngi n he r lap , and she had the same look he had seenwhen she was i n the t ra i n .

HRonny

$ 9

She stood up to gree t h im , as i f i t had been shewho was stay i ng the re and he who had i ncred ibl yar r ived .

“ They told me you wou ldn ’ t be long, she sa id .

I ? You haven ’ t come because you We re i l l oranyth i ng ? ”

She sm i led and Shook he r head . NO . Not fo ranyth i ng l i ke that .I d idn ’ t wr i te , Ronny . I cou ldn ’ t .”

I know .

” Thei r eyes met,measu r ing each

o ther ’s gr ief . That ’s why I came . I cou ld n ’ t bea rto leave you to i t .”

“ I ’d have come before , M ichael , i f you’d wanted

They were S i t t i ng togethe r now , on the sett l e bythe hearth-place .

I can ’ t u nderstand you r be i ng ab le to th i n k ofme , he sa id .

Because of N icky ? I f I haven ’ t got N icky i t ’sal l the more reason why I Shou ld th i nk O f h i s peopl e .

”

He looked up .

“ I say—how are they ? Mothe rand Fathe r ?They ’ re v ery b rave .

“ I t ’s worse for them than i t i s for me, she sa id .

What they can ’ t bear i s you r go i ng .

”


Mo the r got my le t te r , then ?”

“ Yes . Thi s morn ing .

”

What d id she say ?She sa id

,

‘Oh,no . Not M ichae l .

’

I t was a good th i ngy

ou wrote , though . You rl et te r made he r c ry . t made even Doro thy c ry .

They hadn ’ t been able to , before .

"“ I shou ld have though t i f the y cou ld stand N icky ’ s

hat was d i ffe ren t . They know i t was d iflerent .

DO you suppose I don’ t know how d i ffe ren t i t

was ? They mean I funked i t and N icky d idn ’ t . ”

“ They mean that N icky got wha t he wantedwhen he went

,and that there was noth i ng e lse

he cou ld have done so wel l , except fly in g,

o r

eng i nee r i ng .

”

“ I t comes to the same th i ng , N icky S imply wasn ’ ta fra id .

”

“ Yes , M ichael , he was afra i d .

WhatHe was most awfu l ly a fra id o f see i ng su ffe r i ng .

Wel l,so am I . And I ’m a fra id o f su ffe r i ng

mysel f too . I ’m afra i d of the whole b lessed th i ngfrom begi n n ing to end .

“ That ’s because you keep on see i ng the wholeb lessed th i ng f rom begi n n ing to end . N icky on lysaw l i tt le b i ts of i t . The b i ts he l i ked . Mach i ne-gun swork i ng beaut i fu l ly , and shel l s dropp ing i n the r igh tp laces , and t renches be ing taken .

“ And then , remember—N icky hadn’ t so much to

g ive up .

“ He had you .

Oh , no . He knew that was the way to keep me .

Ronny—if N icky had been l i ke me cou ld he havekep t you ?She cons idered i t .Yes—if he cou ld have been h imsel f too .

He cou ld n ’ t , you see . He never cou ld have fel tl ike that . ”


342 The Tree of Heaven“ Never"He knew you wou ldn ’ t keep out . Al l

he m i nded was you r m iss i ng any of i t .She got up and pu t on he r hat . I must go . I t ’ s

ge tt i ng la te . Wi l l you wal k up to Mo rfe wi th meI ’m sleep i ng there . I n the hote l .

“NO ,I say —I ’

m not go ing to let you tu rn out forme . I

’

ll sl eep at the hote l . ”

She sm i led at h im w i th a sort of wonde r, a s i f shethought “ Has he forgotten

,so soon ? ” And he

remembered .

“ I can ’ t s top here , she sa id .

“ That wou ld bemore than even I can bea r .”

He thought"S he’s gone th rough hel l herse l f , to

get me ou t of i t .

May, 1 9 1 6 .

B . E . F.,FRANCE .

MY DEAREST MOTH ER AND FATHER , —Yes ,Capta i n ,

’ p lease . (I can hard ly bel ieve i t mysel f ,bu t i t i s so .) I t was thu nder i ng good l uck gett i ngi n to dea r O l d N icky ’ s reg imen t . The who le th i ng ’si nc red ib le . But p romot ion ’s noth i ng . Eve rybody ’sget t i ng i t l i ke l i gh tn i ng now . You ’ re no soone rst r iped than you ’ re sta rred .

“ I ’m glad I res i sted the Adju tant and worked upfrom the ranks . I own i t was a b i t beast ly at the t ime—qu i te as beast l y as N icky sa id i t wou ld be ; bu t i twas wo rth wh i le go ing th rough w i th i t

,espec ial ly

l i v i ng i n the t renches as a Tommy . There ’s noth i ngl ike i t for mak i ng y ou know you r men . You can te l lexact ly what ’ s go i ng to bothe r them ,

and what i sn ’ t .You ’ve got y ou r finger on the pu l se of the i r mora lnot that it ’

s j ump ie r than you rs ; i t i sn’ t—and the i r

know i ng that they haven ’ t got to stand anyth i ng thatyou haven

’ t stood g ives you no end O f a pu l l .Honestly ,

_ I don ’ t be l ieve I cou ld have faced them ifi t wasn ’ t for that . So that your mora l

’s the bet te r for

Victory 343

i t as we l l as the i rs . You know , i f you’

re shot downth is m i nu te it won ’ t matte r . The weed iest Tommy i nyou r Company can carry on .

’

We’ re a fun ny crowd i n my b i l l et—a l l r i sen from

the ranks excep t my Sen ior . John wou l d love us .There ’ s a chap who wri tes short stor i es and goes outvery earnest ly among the corpses to find copy ; andthe re ’

s anothe r who was i n the pub l i sh i ng bus i nessand harks back to i t

,now and then , i n a dreamy

nostalg i c way, and rathe r as if . he wan ted to rub i ti n to us wr i t i ng chaps what he cou ld do for us , on lyhe wou ldn ’ t ; a nd there

’s a ta i lo r who swears he cou ldte l l a m i le O ff where my tun ic came from ; and alawyer ’s clerk who st icks h i s c igare tte beh i nd h i s ear .

(We used to wonder what he’d do w i th h i s revo lve r

t i l l we saw what he did w i th i t .) They al l l ove th i n ki ng of what they ’ve been and te l l i ng you about i t . Ia lmost w ish I ’d gone i n to Daddy ’s bus i ness . Thenperhaps I ’d know what i t feel s l i ke to go stra ight outO f a shop o r an Office i n to the most glor ious Army i nh istory .

“ I fo rgot the Jew pawnb roker—at least we thin khe

’

s a pawnb roker—who ’s a lways i nvent i ng th i ngs ;stupendous and imposs ib le th i ngs . H is last idea wasmach i ne-howi tzers fou rteen feet h igh

,that take i n

shel l s exac t l y as a mach i ne-gun takes i n bu l lets . Hesays You ’ l l see them i n the next war When youask h im how he ’

s goi ng to t ransport and emplace andh ide h i s mach i ne-howi tzers

,he looks dejected

,and

says ‘ I neve r thought of tha t,’ and has another idea

at once , even more imposs ib le .

That rem i nds me . I’

v e seenfthe Tanks ’

(Nicky’ s

Mov i ng Fort resses) i n act ion . I ’d g ive my p romot ioni f on l y he cou ld have seen them too . We mus tn ’ tca l l them Fortresses any more—they ’ re most v iolen t l yfor attack . As far as I can make ou t N icky ’ s andDrayton

’

s th i ng was someth i ng between these andthe French ones ; otherw ise one m igh t have wonde redwhether the i r p lans and mode l s rea l ly d i d go where


John says they d id I I w i sh I cou ld be l ieve tha t N ickyand Drayton rea l ly had had a hand i n i t .

“ I ’m most awfu l ly gr ieved to hea r that youngV e reker

’

s reported m iss i ng . Do you remember howexc i ted he used to be dash i ng abou t the lawn at ten n i s ,and how Al ice Lathom used to s i t and look a t h im .

and j ump i f you b rought he r her tea too sudden ly ?Let ’s hope we ’ l l have fin i shed up th is damned Warbefore they get l i tt le Norr i s .

“ Love to Dorothy and Don and Ronny .—You r

IUV I'IQ , MIC K .

When Frances read that le t te r she sa id,I wonde r

i f he rea l ly i s a l l r ight . He says very l i t t le abou th imsel f .”

And Anthony sa id ,“ Then you may be su re he i s .

AI ay 3 1 8 k 1 9 16 .

B . E . F.,FRANCE .

MY DEAR RONNY , —I’

m glad Mummy and Fatherhave got a l l my letters . They won ’ t m i nd my wr i t i ngto you th i s t ime . I t rea l ly is you r t u rn now . Thanksfor Wadham ’s ‘Poems ’

(I w i sh they’d been E l l i s ’s).

I t ’ s a shame to laugh at Waddy—bu t—he has sp readh imsel f over F landers

,hasn ’ t he ? Like the i n un

dat ion s round Ypres .“ I ’m most awfu l ly touched at Dad and Mummy

wan t i ng to pub l ish m i ne . Here they al l a re—j u stas I wrote them , i n ou r b i l le t , a t n igh t o r i n theear ly morn i ng

,when the others were sleep i n g and I

wasn ’ t . I don ’ t know whether they ’ re bad or good ;I haven ’ t had t ime to th i nk abou t them . I t a l l seemsso i nc red ib l y fa r away . Even last week seems fa raway . You go on so fast here .

“ I ’d l i ke E l l i s and Mon ie r-Owen to see them andto weed out the bad ones . But you mustn ’ t askthem to do anyth i ng . They haven ’ t t ime

,e i ther .



Verche r were k i l led . They may hea r , you know ,i n

some roundabou t way—th rough the Red Cross,o r

some o f h i s men . I ’ve wr i t ten to them .

“ Love to everybody . Certa i n ly you may k i ssNanna for me , i f she

’d l ike i t . I w ish I l i ked Waddymore—when you ’ve g iven h im to me —Always you ra ffect ionate , M ICHAEL .

P .S .— I don ’ t sou nd pleased abou t the pub l i ca

t ion ; bu t I am . I can ’ t get over the i r wan t i ng to doi t I thought they d idn’ t care .Ronny—I

’

ve been such a beast to them—whenFather t r i ed to read my stu ff — b less h im l— andcou ldn ’ t

,I u sed to w ish to God he ’d leave i t a lone .

And now I ’

d give anyth i ng to see h i s dear old pawshangi ng on to i t and tw i tch i ng w i th fr igh t , and h i seyes s lewi ng round to see i f I ’m look i ng at h im .

j une 1 4th, 1 9 1 6 .

FRANCE .

MY DEAR RONNY , —I ’

m glad you l i ke them ,

and I ’

m glad Father th i nks he understands M ichae l ’ spoems ’ th i s t ime

,and I ’m glad they ’ve made

Mother and Dorothy fee l happ ie r abou t me—BUT—they must get i t ou t of the i r head s that they ’ remy ‘message ,

’

or any put rescen t th i ng of that sort .The bare idea of wri t i ng a message

,or of be i ng

supposed to wr i te a message , makes me S ick . Iknow it

’

s beastly of me , bu t , rea l ly I’

d rathe r theyweren ’ t pub l i shed at a l l

,i f there ’ s the smal lest chance

of the i r be i ng taken that way .

Bu t i f E l l i s i s do i ng the i n t roduct ion there i sn ’ tthe sma l lest chance . Thank God for E l l i s .

“ There—I ’ve let Off al l my beast l i ness .And now I ’ l l t ry to answer you r lette r . Yes,

the ‘ecstasy ’ i n the last two poems is N icky ’ secsta sy . And as E l l i s says i t st r ikes h im as absol ute ly

Victory 347

real,I take i t that some of N icky ’ s ‘rea l i ty has got

through . I t’

s hard on El l i s tha t he has to take hisecstasy from me , . i n stead of com i ng ou t and ge t t i n git for h imsel f .

“ Bu t you and N icky and Lawrence are r i gh t . I tis absol ute ly real . I mean i t has to do wi th absol u terea l i ty . W i th God . I t hasn ’ t anyth i ng -

to do wi thhav i ng cou rage , or not hav i ng cou rage ; i t

’s anothe rstate of m i nd a ltogethe r . I t i sn ’ t what N icky ’ s mansa id i t was—you ’ re not ashamed o f i t the next day .

I t i sn ’ t exc i temen t ; you’ re no t exc i ted . I t i sn ’ t a

t i ngl i n g o f you r ne rves ; they don’ t t i ngle . I t

’

s al lcu r iously qu ie t a nd steady . You remember whenyou saw N icky— how everyth i ng stood st i l l ? Andhow two t imes were go i ng on , and you and N ickywere i n one t ime

,and Mother was i n the other ?

Wel l— it’

s l i ke that . Your body and i ts nervesaren ’ t i n i t a t a l l . Your body may be mov i ngv i o len t ly , wi th other bod ies mov i ng v iolen t ly arou ndit ° bu t you ’ re st i l l .But suppose i t i s you r ne rves . Why shou ld they

t i ngle at j ust that part icu lar moment,the momen t

that makes an ima ls afra i d ? Why shou ld you be soextraord i nar i ly happy ? Why shou ld the momen tof ext reme danger be a lways the ‘exqu i s i te momen t ?Why not the momen t o f safety ?

“ Doesn ’ t i t look as i f dange r were the po i n t ofcon tac t w i th rea l i ty

,and death t he c losest po i n t ?

You ’ re th rough . Actual ly you lay hold on eternall i fe , and you know i t .

“ Anothe r th i ng—v it a lways comes w i th tha t l i tt leshock of recogn i t ion . I t ’ s happened before

,and

when you get near to i t aga i n you know what i t i s .You keep on want i ng to get near i t

,want i n g i t to

happen aga in . You may lose i t the next m inute , bu tyou know . Lawrence knew what i t was . N ickyknenu

”


j unc, 1g1k .

“ I’

m com i ng back to it—afte r that i n terrupt ionbecause I wan t to get the th i ng c lear . I have topu t i t do“ 11 as I fee l i t ; the re

’ s no othe r way . Butthey mustn

’

t th i nk i t ’ s someth i ng tha t on ly Lawrence and N i cky and I fee l . The men fee l i t too ,

eve n when they don ’ t know what i t i s . And someo f them do know .

Of cou rse we shal l be accused o f glor i fy i ng W'

a r

and tel l i ng l i es about i t . VV e ll—the re ’ s a Frenchman who has to ld the t ru th

,p i l i n g up a l l the horrors

,

fa i thfu l ly , remorseless l y , magn ificen t l y . But heseems to th i nk people ough tn

’ t to wr i te abou t th i sa t a l l u n less they Show up the i nfam y o f i t ,

as a dete r ren t,so tha t no Governmen t can eve r star t

anothe r one . I t’

s a sort o f l i te ra r y ‘ fr i gh tfu l ness . ’

Bu t whom i s he t ry i ng to fr igh ten Does he imagi nethat France , or England , or Russ ia , or Belgi um ,

o r Serb ia,w i l l wan t to star t anothe r wa r when th i s

i s ove r ? And d oes he suppose that German y— i f we

don’ t beat her—w i l l be dete rred by h i s fr ight fu l ness ?

German y ’

s a rrogance w i l l be sat i sfi ed when she knowsshe ’s made a Frenchman fee l l i ke that about i t .

“ He ’s got h i s tru th a l l r i gh t . As Morr i e wou ldsa y "‘That ’ s \Ya r.

’ Bu t a peacefu l ear thquakecan do much the same th i ng . And i f our t ru thwhat we

’ ve seen— i sn ’ t \V a r, at an y rate it's whatwe ’ve got out o f i t , i t

’ s our‘glory ,

’

our sp i r i tualcompe nsat i on for the ph y s i ca l tortu re , and the rewou ld be a sort o f i n fam y i n t ry i ng to take i t from us .I t i sn

’ t the French Gove rnmen t , or the B r i t i sh that'

sfight i ng German y"i t ’ s we—al l of us . To ins i st onthe world remember i ng noth i ng bu t these horrors i sas i f men up to the i r k nees i n the fi l th they

’

re c lea ri ng awa y shou ld compla i n of each other for stand i n gi n i t and sp lash i ng i t about .

“ The li lth of \Var and the ph y s i ca l tortu reGood God"As i f the world was l i ke ly to forget i t .



j une, l 9 lb .

“ I’

m com i ng back to it —~ after that i n terrupt ionbecause I wan t to get the th i ng c lear . I have topu t i t down as I fee l i t ; there

’ s no othe r way . Butthey mustn ’ t th i nk it

’

s someth i ng tha t on ly Lawrence and N i cky and I fee l . The men fee l i t too ,

even when they don ’ t k now what i t i s . And someo f them do know.

Of cou rse we shal l be accused o f glor i fy i ng “f a rand tel l i ng l i es about i t . Wel l— there ’s a Frenchman who has to ld the t ru th

,p i l i n g up a l l the horrors

,

fa i th fu l ly , remorse less ly , magn ificent ly . But heseems to th i nk people oughtn

’ t to wr i te abou t th i s\V a r a t a l l u n less they Show up the i n famy o f i t ,as a dete rren t

,so that no Gove rnmen t can eve r start

anothe r one . I t’

s a sort o f l i te rary ‘ f r i gh tfu l ness . ’

Bu t whom i s be t ry i ng to fr ighten Does he imagi nethat France , or England , or Russ ia , o r Belg i um ,

o r Serb ia,w i l l wan t to star t anothe r wa r when th i s

i s ove r ? And does he suppose that Germany— i f wedon ’ t beat he r—wi l l be dete rred by h i s fr ightfu l ness ?German y ’ s arrogance w i l l be sat i sfi ed when she knowsshe ’s made a Frenchman fee l l i ke that abou t i t .

“ He’

s got h i s t ru th a l l r i gh t . As Morr ie wou ldsay"

‘That ’ s Bu t a peacefu l earthquakeca n do much the same th i ng . And i f our t ru thwhat we ’ve seen— i sn ’ t \Var , a t any

‘

rate it’

s whatwe ’ve got out o f i t , i t

’ s our‘glory ,

’

our sp i r i tualcompensati on for the phys i ca l torture , and therewou ld be a sort o f i n fam y i n t ry i ng to take i t f rom us .I t i sn ’ t the French Government

,or the B ri t i sh that

’

sfight i ng Germany ; i t

’ s we—al l of us . To ins i st onthe world rememberi ng noth i ng bu t these horrors i sas i f m en up to the i r knees i n the fi l th the y ’

re c lea ri ng away shou ld compla i n of each other for stand i n gi n i t and sp lash i ng i t about .

“ The fi l th of VVa r— and the phys i cal tortu reGood God"As i f t he wor ld was l i ke ly to forget i t .

Victory 349

Any more than we ’ re l i kely to forge t what weknow .

“You remembe r because you ’ve known i t before

and i t a l l hangs togethe r . I t’

s not as i f dange r werethe on ly po i n t of contact wi th rea l i ty . You get thesame ecstasy , the same shock of recogn i t ion , and thesame utter sat isfact ion when you see a beau t i fu lth i ng . At least to me i t ’s l i ke that . You knowwhat N icky thought i t was l i ke . You know what i twas l i ke when you used to s i t l ook ing and look i ngat Mother ’ s ‘ t ree of Heaven .

’

I t ’ s odd,Ronny

, to have gone al l you r l i fe t ryi ng to get real i ty

,t ry i ng to get new beauty , t ry i ng to

get ut te r sat i sfact ion ; to have fu nked com ing out

here because you though t i t was al l obscene ugl i nessand waste and frust ra t i on

,and then to come out, and

to find what you wan ted .

”

j une z slh .

I wrote a l l that , whi l e I cou ld , because I wan tto make them see i t . I t

’

s horr ib le that Dorothyshou ld th i nk that Drayton

’

s dead and that Mothe rshou ld th i nk that N icky ’s d ead

,when they would n

’ t,

i f they rea l ly knew . I f they don ’ t be l ieve Lawrenceor me , can

’ t they bel ieve N icky ? I ’m on ly say i n gwhat he sa id . But I can ’ t wr i te to them abou t i tbecause they make me sh y

,and I ’m afra id they ’

l lth i nk I ’m on ly gass i ng

,or

‘mak i ng poet ry —as i fpoet ry wasn ’ t the most rea l th i ng the re i s"

“ I f anybody can make them see i t , you can .

Alwav s you r a ff ect ionate,

M ICHAEL .

XXV

ANTHONY was go i ng i nto the house to take back thekey of the workshop .

He had locked the door O f the workshop a yea rago , afte r N icky

’s death,and had not opened i t aga i n

u nt i l to-day . Th is afte rnoon i n the orchard he hadseen that the props of the O ld apple- t ree were broken

,

and he had thought tha t he wou ld l ike to make newones

,and the wood was i n the workshop .

Everyth i ng i n there was as i t had been whenN icky fi n ished w i th h i s Mov i ng Fortress . The brassand stee l fi l i ngs l ay i n a heap u nder the lathe

,the

handle was t i l ted a t the po i n t where he had left i t ;p its i n the sawd ust Showed whe re h i s feet had stood .

H is ove ral l s hung ove r the bench where he hadsl i pped them off .

An thony had sat down on the bench and hadlooked at these th i ngs w i th remembrance and forebod i ng . He though t of N icky and Of N icky ’ s p leasu re and exc i temen t ove r the u npack i ng of h is fi rs tla the—t he one he had begged for for h is birthdaand Of h is own pleasu re a nd excitement as he wate ed

h i s boy handl i ng i t and show ing h im so c leverly howi t worked . I t stood there st i l l i n the corne r . N ickyhad g iven i t to Veron ica . He had taugh t her howto use i t . And An thony thought Of Veron ica whenshe was l i tt l e ; he saw N icky tak i ng care of her , teach ,i ng he r to ru n and r ide and play games . And heremembered what Veron ica ’s mother had sa id to h imand Frances"“Wait t i l l N icky has ch i ld ren of h i sown .

He though t O f John . John had vol un teered three350



M ichae l ’ s room . She was wa i t i ng for Dorothea andVe ron ica to hel p he r to find h i s papers . I t wase igh t O

’c lock i n the even i ng,and the had to be

sorted and la i d out read y for Morton i l l i s to l ookover them to-morrow . To—mo rrow Morton E l l i swou ld come

,and he wou ld take them away .

The doors of M ichae l ’ s and of N icky ’s rooms werea lways kep t shu t ; Frances knew that , i f she were toopen the door on the other s ide of the corr ido r andlook i n , every th i ng i n N icky

’ s room wou ld welcomehe r w i th tend e rness even wh i le i t i nfl i cted i ts un iqueand separate wound . But M ichae l ’ s room was bareand s i len t . He had c leared everyth i ng away out O fhe r s igh t las t yea r before he went . The very bookson the she lves repud iated her ; rem inded he r thatshe had neve r u nderstood h im

, that he had a lwa y sescaped her . H is room kep t h i s secret , and she fel tafra i d and abashed i n i t , know i ng hersel f an in

truder. Presen t ly al l that was most p rec ious i n i twou l d be taken from her and given over to a St rangerwhom she had neve r l i ked .

Her m i nd t u rned and fastened on one Obj ectthe st i ff

,naked wooden cha i r standi ng i n i ts place

before the oak tab le by the w indow . She remembe redhow she had come to M ichae l there and found h imwr it i ng at h i s tab le

,and how she had talked to h im

as though he had been a sh i rke r and a coward .

She had borne N icky ’ s death . But she cou ld not

bear M ichael ’ s . She stood there i n h i s room ,Sta r

i ng,h y pnot i sed by her memory . She heard Dorothea

come i n and go out aga in .

"And then Veron icacame 1n .

She tu rned to Veron ica to hel p her .She c l ung to Veron i ca and was jealous of he r .

Veron i ca had not come between her and N icky as

l ong as he was a l i ve , bu t now that he was dead shecame be tween them . She came between her andM ichae l too . M ichael ’s m i nd had always been bevond her ; she cou ld on l y reach i t th rough Veron ica

Victory 353

and th rough Veron ica ’s secre t . Her m i nd c l u tchedat Veron ica ’s sec ret , and fl ung i t away as use less

,and

retu rned,cl u tch i ng a t i t aga i n .

I t was as i f Veron ica he ld the sou ls o f M ichae la nd N icho las i n he r hands . She o ffe red he r thesou l s of her d ead sons . She was the med iator between her and the i r sou l s .I cou ld bea r i t , Veron ica , i f I hadn

’ t mad e h imgo . I came to h im , here , i n th i s room ,

and bu l l iedh im t i l l he went . I sa i d horr ib le th i ngs to h imthat he must have remembered .

He wasn ’ t l i ke N icky—it was i nfin i te ly worsefor h im . And I was crue l to h im . I had no p i ty .

I d rove h im out—to be k i l led .

“ And I s imp ly cannot bear i t .But— he d idn ’ t go then . He wa i ted t i l l—t i l l h e

was free . I f anybody cou ld have made h im,Nicky

cou ld . But i t wasn ’ t «even N icky . I t was h imsel f . ”

“I f he ’d bee n k i l led as N icky was—but to d ie l i ke

that , i n hosp i ta l—O f those horr ible wounds .”

“ He was lead ing a charge , j ust as N icky was .

And you know he was happy , j ust as N icky was .

Every l i ne he ’ s wr i tte n shows that he was happy .

”

“ I t on ly shows that they were both fu l l of l i fe,

that they loved the i r l i fe and wanted to l ive .

I t ’ s no use , Ronny , you r sayi ng you knowthey ’ re the re . I don ’ t . I ’d give anyth i ng to be l i evei t . And yet i t wou ldn ’ t be a b i t of good i f I d id . Idon ’ t wan t them al l changed i nto someth i ng sp i r i tua lthat I shou ld n ’ t know i f i t was there . I wan t the i rbod ies w i th me j ust as they used to be . I wan t tohea r them and touch them and see them come i n i nthe i r old c lothes .

“ To see N icky stand i ng on the hearth rug wi t hT immy i n h i s arms . I wan t th i ngs l i ke that , Ronn y .

Even i f you ’ re r ight,i t ’ s al l c lean gone .

”

Her l i ps t ightened .

“ I ’m talk i ng as i f I was the on ly one . But Iknow i t ’ s worse for you

,Ronny . I had them al l those


years . And I’

ve got Anthony You ’ve had achi ngbu t you r poor th ree days .

”

V e ron ica thought"How can I te l l he r tha I ’ve

got more than she th i n ks ? I t ’s awf u l that I souldhave what she hasn ’ t She was ashamed and battenbefore th i s i r reparab le

,mortal gr ie f .

“ And i t ’ s worse , Frances sa id , for the wrethedmo thers whose sons have n ’ t fought .For he r p r id e rose i n her aga i n—t he prid t that

Up l i fted he r supe rna tu ra l ly when N icky d i ed .

‘You must n ’ t th i n k I grudge them . I don . I

don ’ t eve n grudge John .

The si le n ce of M ichae l’ s room sank i nto tem ;

i t we ighed on the i r hea r ts and they were a fra l ofeach o ther ’

s vo ices . France s was glad when Dorthvcame and they cou ld beg i n the i r work the re .

But M ichae l had not le ft them much to do .

'

he yfou nd h is pape rs a l l i n o ne d rawe r of h i s wr i ngtab le

,sorted and packed and labe l led , read y fo r

Mor ton E l l i s to take away . One sea led enve lop layi n a p lace b y i tse l f . Frances though t "“ He (tln

’

t

wan t an y of us to touch h i s th i ngs .Then she saw Veron ica ’s name on the sea let en

ve lope . She was glad when Ve ron ica lef t them tnd

wen t to her hosp i tal .And when she was gone she wanted her ack

agam .

“ I w i sh I hadn ’ t spoken tha t way to Verona ,

she sa id .

“ She won ’ t m i nd . She knows you cou ldn ’ t e l p

I cou ld,Dorothy

,i f I wasn ’ t jea lous of her I

mean,I ’m jea lous Of he r ce rta i n t y . I f I had i t , )o .

I shou ldn ’ t be j ea lou s .

”

“ She wants vou t o have i t . She t ry i ng to ivei t you .

“ Mothe r —how do we k nows he i sn ’ t r ight ? Nzkv

sa id she was . And M i chae l sa id N icky was rigt.

I f it had been on ly N icky—he mi gh t have got



years . And I ’

ve got Anthony . You ’ve had noth i ngbu t you r poor th ree days .

”

V e ron ica though t"How can I te l l he r that I ’

ve

got more than she th i nks ? I t’

s awfu l that I Shou ldhave what she hasn ’ t She was ashamed and beatenbefore th i s i r reparab le

,mortal gr ief .

“ And i t’

s worse ,” Frances sa id

,for the wretched

mothers whose sons haven ’ t fought .For her p r id e rose i n her aga i n—the pr ide that

up l i fted her superna tu ra l ly when N icky d ied .

‘You must n ’ t th i nk I grudge them . I don ’ t . I

don ’ t eve n grudge John .

The si lence of M ichael ’s room sank i nto them ;i t we ighed on the i r hearts and they were afra i d of

each o ther ’ s vo ices . Frances was glad when Dorothycame and they cou ld beg i n the i r work there .

B ttt M ichae l had not le ft them much to do . Theyfound h is papers a l l i n one d rawe r O f h i s wr i t i ngtab le

,sorted and packed and labe l led , ready for

Morton E l l i s to take away . One sealed enve lope layi n a place by i tse l f . Frances thought 1

“ He d idn ’ twant an y Of u s to touch h i s th ings . ”

Then she saw Veron ica ’ s name on the sea led eh

ve lope . She was glad when Veron ica left them andwent to her hosp i ta l .And when she was gone she wanted her back

aga i n .

“ I w i sh I hadn ’ t spoken that way to Veron ica ,She sa id .

“ She won ’ t m i n d . She knows you cou ldn ’ t he l p

I cou ld,Dorothy

,i f I wasn ’ t j ea lous of he r . I

mean , I’m jealous of her certa i n ty . I f I had i t , too ,

I shou ldn ’ t be j ealous .”

“ She wants you t o have i t . She t ry i ng to g ivei t you .

“ Mothe r—how do we know she i sn ’ t r i ght ? Nickysa id she was . And M ichae l sa id N icky was r ight .I f i t had been on ly N icky—he migh t have got

V ictory 355

i t from Veron ica . But M ichae l n ever got th i ngsfrom an

ybody . And

/you do know th i ngs i n queer

ways . i ven I do . t least,I d id once -when l

was i n pr i son . I knew someth i ng t remendous wasgo i ng to happen . I saw i t , or fe l t i t

,or someth i ng .

I won ’ t swea r I knew i t was the War . I don ’ t suppose I d id . Bu t I knew Frank was al l m ixed upwi th i t . And i t was the most awfu l ly rea l th ing .

You cou ld n ’ t go back on i t , or get beh ind i t . I t

was as i f I ’d seen that he and Lawrence and N ickyand M ichael and al l of them wou ld d ie i n i t to savethe whole world . L ike Ch r ist , on ly that they real lyd id die and the whole world was saved . There wasnoth i ng fu t i le abou t i t .”

Wel lWel l

,they might see the i r real th i ng the same

way—in a flash . Aren ’ t the y a thousand t imes more

l i ke ly to know than we are ? What r ight have wes i t t i ng here safe— to say i t i sn ’ t when they say i t i s ? ”

“ But— if there ’ s any th i ng i n it—why can ’ t I seei t as wel l as you and Veron ica ? Afte r al l , I ’m the i rmothe r .”

“ Perhaps that ’s why i t takes you longer , Mummy .

You th ink of the i r bod ies more than we do , becausethey were part of you r body . The i r sou l s , or whateve r it i s

,aren ’ t as rea l to you j ust at fi rst . ”

“ I see,

” sa i d Frances b i tte rly . You ’ve on ly gotto be a mother

,and give you r ch i ld ren you r flesh

and Blood , to be su re O f the i r sou ls go i ng from you

and somebody el se ge tt i ng them .

”

That ’s the p r ice you pay fo r be i ng mothers .Was Frank ’s sou l ever more rea l to you ,

Dorothy ?“ Yes . I t was once—for j ust one m i nute . The

n igh t he wen t awa y . That ’s another quee r th i ngthat happe ned .

I t d idn ’ t sat i sfy you ,darl i ng

,d id i t ?

Of cou rse i t d idn ’ t sat i sfy me . I wan t moreand more of i t . Not j u st flashes .”

3 56 The Tree of Heaven“ You say i t

’ s the pr ice we pay for be i ng mo thers .Yet i t Ve ron ica had had a ch i ld

“You needn ’ t be so sorry for Veron ica .

“I

’

m no t . I t ’ s you I’

m sorr ies t for. You ’ve hadnoth i ng . From begi n n i ng to end you had no th i ng .

I m igh t a t l eas t have seen tha t you had i t i nthe beg i n n i ng .

”

You , Mummy ?“ Yes . Me . You sha ll have i t now. Unless

you want to l eave me .

”

I wou ldn ’ t l eave you for the world ,Mummy

ducky . On ly you mus t le t me work always and al lthe t ime .

Let y ou ? I’ l l l et y ou do what you l i ke , my

You always have le t me , haven’ t you ?

I t was the least I cou ld do .

”

Poor Mummy , d id you th i nk you had to makeup because you cared for them more than me ?

”

I wonde r,

” sa id Frances thoughtfu l lv , i f I d id .

Of cou rse . Of cou rse you d id . \Vho wou ldn ’ t ? ”

I neve r mean t you to know i t , Doro thy .

Of cou rse I knew i t . I must have known i t eve rs i nce M ichae l was born . I knew you cou ld n

’ t he lpi t . You had to . Even when I was a t i resome k idI knew you had to . I t was na tu ra l . ”

“ Natu ra l or u nnatu ra l , man y gi rl s have hatedthe i r mothers for less . You ’ve been very b ig and

gene rous .

“ Perhaps— if you ’

d been l i t t l e and weak—but youwe re a lways such an i ndependen t th i ng . I used to

th i n k you did n’ t wan t me .

“ I wanted you a lot more than you thought . But ,you see

,I ’ve learned to do wi thou t .”

She though t" I t ’ s bette r she shou ld have i tst ra ight .

“ I f you ’d th i nk l ess about me,Mother , she sa id ,

an d more about Father“ Father ? ”



bes ide h is fathe r . And the car wen t s lowly towardsthe h igh road .

Uncle Morr ie stood wa i t i ng for i t by the gate atthe top o f the lane As i t passed th rough hest ra ightened h imse l f and pu t up h is hand i n ac rapu lous sal u te .

The y oung man sm i led at h im , sa lu ted ,and was

gone .

Palmer) av Casszu . COMPANY, m rw , LA BELLE SAUV AGE, LONDON, E .C.4

7260 .9r7

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