Home sweet home...

...I hate it here...

Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 12.5, where the Reaper Child spare-spawn reference their namesakes and the elders never fail to be adorable!

When we last left the Prettacy, eldest Gen 5 Indy was a future chess-cheat, second child Chad was a shy and nice freak of nature, and Raven was pregnant for the third time.

Meanwhile, Jonny and Jeannie continue to make me *heart* them.

Raven goes into labor in one of the small upstairs bathrooms. I still think I'm doing OK in the bathroom-labor thing, though. Calista did it in the big bathroom upstairs, Juniper did it in the big bathroom downstairs, and none of the Uglacy women has given birth in a bathroom yet. I can live with one small-bathroom labor every five generations.

Raven gives me a girl! Little Andorra, the last of the Gen 5 Prettacy kids. She's got Tom's skin and hair and Raven's eyes. And she's not a boy! At this point, she could have Stabby Death Nose and I won't care, because she's not a boy!

..But seriously, Dora, don't have Stabby Death Nose.

Look, I know Stabby Death Nose has its fans, OK? And I'm not saying it's not a decent nose in moderation. But I've been staring at it for waaaaay too long.

This is why I love Tom. He goes and plays with Chad all on his own!

"What? But 'X' never, ever marks the spot!"

Sometimes Indy has ideological problems with his homework.

"The country music! Make it stop!""It burns! So...much...twang..."

That's Colin by the stereo. Wren and Co. are now the proud owners of Amy.

Poor Chad becomes the first toddler of the Legacy to fall asleep outside of a crib. Happily, with those eight nice points, he'll forgive me.

Tom finally managed to put Chad down for a nap so that he was awake enough for his birthday.

Of course Mister Nice Guy grows up in the pink teddy bear balloon jammies.

"I have more nice points than I have fingers on this hand!"Yes, Chad, you're my cute little oddball.

I sent him to change his regular clothes and outerwear, and he refused to go into the bathroom where the dresser is. I couldn't figure out why, and then I saw Indy in there using the toilet. Oh, Chad... *pats head* You're too shy to share a bathroom! That's the most adorable thing ever.

It's a double-birthday as Tom grabs Dora next. Raven managed to get home from work in time for this one.

O HAI THERE Stabby Death Nose. Just when I thought I'd seen the last of you.

Anyway, Dora's another Vetinari: Gemini 5/10/10/3/1. I don't even want to think about the naked hot-tubbing that's going to be occurring in this family.

Tom and Raven should just set up a therapy fund for poor shy Chad right off the bat.

Can we just talk about how much I *heart* Jonny? A LOT. That is how much I *heart* Jonny. Which is why I don't want to think about how much time he has left.

At the Uglacy, Cory goes Permaplat again by reaching the top of Gamer. Hooray! I don't care that you brought home the flu, go Energize and hit the telescope!

His new LTW is Celebrity Chef, which I'll do because the hours are a whole lot better. Plus he'll be able to bring home Gerry, Kestrel, Delirium, and probably a couple of random SimSelves as well. Celebrity Chef seems to be my most popular LTW.

"Finn? Don't even think about it!""I just wanted to say that Robin Williams's Genie was way better than Don Castellaneta's!""Suuuuure you did."What can I say, Orikes? YOU got in the hot tub with him!

Orikes writes the Pseudo Legacy.

Rosemarie's still good with babies. She likes to go into the nursery and tuck in Rocky and Coco.

Helen, predictably, likes hanging out with Darla.

Darla still hasn't figured out how to pee outside.

Sorry, this picture is just too cute. Bask in the cuteness.

Because you know once these kids grow up, the cuteness will be gone in a flash.

Finn went out to SupremeNerd's House of Stuff to buy clothes for the Well-Dressed Sims handicap, and there was much Vetinari goodness to be had.

Presumably, Cassidy was there to blow some of Jerky Jake's cash. Go Cassidy!

...Seriously, though, Cassidy, go. Leave the jerk.

Birthday time for the babies!

...Winter stargazing is a little hard on Cory...

He's got Rocky and she has Coco.

Helen and Coco go first. For once, the gardener wasn't present to offer moral support.

Cory twirls Rocky next.

The toddlers do not disappoint.

Coco makes a beeline for the dog food.

She has Cory's nose and chin. And it's too soon to tell what else of his she managed to inherit. But really, aren't the nose and chin enough?

Honestly, I think she looks too "adult" to be a toddler. Like it's Cory's face just sized down, not really aged down that much. It's sort of creepy.

Coco's a Scorpio 7/7/10/3/3, so she'll fit in nicely with the rest of the family. Chad appears to be a one-off aberration.

Rocky definitely got the Beaker-brows in addition to Cory's features. To me, he doesn't look nearly as "adult" as his sister, even though he's got mostly the same face.

Rocky's a Scorpio 7/7/9/3/1. The Vetinari personality lives!

"Why aren't Cory and Helen doing this?""Something about trying to get a bolt.""I thought we were done with potty-training.""Finn, are you begrudging Cory and his wife some WooHoo?""Maybe.""You're still in your underwear from our WooHoo last night.""As long as I can be in them tomorrow from tonight's WooHoo."

Finn and Rosemarie do the Teaching to Talk as well. But then the kids needed to sleep. For that matter, so did Finn and Rosemarie. After some WooHoo.

Say what you like about him, but Finn is insanely easy to keep happy.

Last time we caught up with Wren and Didi, but what's everyone else getting up to?

Gerry tried to make some friends.

I generally don't mind him making friends, but I do mind him making friends with Skanky Tiffany.

This is an acceptable person to befriend, Gerry. You may pillow fight with your nephew's wife.

StyxLady writes Just Another Legacy. She's married to Wren; Cam and Jordan are her sons.

"Buy some lemonade, mister?""Anything for another playful guy like me!""And then can we go Play Catch?""Sure!"

Gerry and Billy get along surprisingly well. Or perhaps it's not so surprising. Inasmuch as their Want Panels can look the same, they do.

And Gerry goes Permaplat by becoming a Celebrity Chef.

Yay Gerry! ...Now go rake some leaves.

Zinnia, meanwhile, is still Zinnia. She just can't help but get hapless guys in the sack after they've been pulled out of the Wishing Well.

Her Welcome Wagon did have a few interesting visitors, though...

"So I don't suppose you'd like to...""Sorry. I like 'em metal.""Mmmm. I can be very persuasive.""There's no amount of persuasion that can make up for not having a gigantic titanium..."BANNED4LYFE!"...antenna."

As Mr. Big and Chester trade double entendres, Zee hits Permaplat by becoming a Professional Party Guest.

She was very annoyed that there were no WooHoo-able members of the Welcome Wagon.

Zee might be busy groping Townies, but Kestrel is busy catching fireflies in his swimsuit.

I think he looks kinda hot here. But then, I am predisposed to Kestrel-affection.

I let him throw a party of some sort for the Aspiration boost. I personally think the chili kicked it into Roof Raiser territory.

Like Gerry, he reaches Permaplat by becoming a Celebrity Chef.

Kest is awesome. That is all.

Time for one last wedding for this generation!

"Hi, Daddy! Where's Mom?""She's off playing Kicky Bag with Jonny. I figured your cousin Gerry would be here too.""We have a Dance Sphere.""He'll probably leave when the party's over. ...Probably."

"Uncle Malcolm! I'm sorry Eddie couldn't make it.""Little Mal's still a bit too young to come to these parties, so Eddie's on babysitting duty for the evening. I'll tell him you said hello.""If he's a good sitter, can you loan him out to me once Nolan and I start our family?""That'll be up to him!""I'm sorry Aunt Cami couldn't be here.""So am I.""How's Eddie really?""I don't know. I think he's dealing, but sometimes I know he misses her. We all do."

"I see you managed to give your mother the slip.""The trick is to leave your shoes off until you hit the porch.""Really?""Nah. It's my house. I honestly don't have to tell her where I am every minute of the day.""I can't wait to cut into that cake.""I hope you don't mind if I don't partake. I'm not much of a sweet-eater.""Gil, you own a bakery.""Maybe if my dad had eaten fewer of his own concoctions, he'd still be alive and my mother wouldn't have taken over my house. I'd rather watch other people enjoy my cakes than eat them myself.""You've never eaten one of your wedding cakes?""Can't say as I have.""Maybe you will, if you ever find the right person.""Who, me? I'm happy being single, Didi. The only one who wishes I were otherwise is You-Know-Who."

Nolan: "Didi? Wedding now? Didi?"Didi: "I just want to say Hi to Jon first, okay?"Nolan: "Yes. Go do that. And Gilbert, help yourself to the swingset."Gilbert: "Still just a wee bit paranoid, are we, Nolan?"

It's actually kind of funny. Every time Didi is talking to Gilbert, Nolan is right there being possessive and stalky.

They do have three bolts, though. They're my first three-bolt couple in Riverblossom Hills since Larch and Christy.

They're horribly cute together. And I did actually get Didi up to 4 nice points, so she's not as cranky as she used to be when she was making angryface at Gerry when she agreed with him.

...I believe she's nicer than Nolan now. He's a stock Scorpio.

"Best wedding ever!""Totally! ...Babies now?"

Yeah, so the cake is glitchy and useless for feeding and cutting, which made me sad. Pretty, though. Regardless, this was probably the fastest I ever had a party hit Roof Raiser. And while Didi and Nolan head off on their honeymoon, Cory's having less fun...

You know, Cory, if you'd just USED the Energizer rather than complaining that you were too tired to use the Energizer, your mother wouldn't be laughing at you for being passed out on the front lawn.

The teenager in the blue shirt is Reed, one of Orikes and Larch's kids from the Completely Hypothetical Spider Jerusalem Bachelor Challenge. He's nice, but not too nice to not laugh at Cory's predicament.

"Good, Rocky! Now next time, try to swagger a little, jut your shoulders out, and swing your arms as you walk!"Finn? Are you trying to teach your grandson how to do the Romance Sim Strut?"...Maybe..."

"...and sometimes when you go to flirt, you'll find that you want to sashay a little...""Grandpa?""Yes, sweetie?""You're scaring me."

"Coco, how come we gotta be the ones that get the potty picture?""I dunno.""This isn't funny.""Nope.""Someone will pay.""Sure."

OMG! Why have none of my dogs ever done this before? The toddlers have Cuddled the dogs before, but none of the dogs have given the kids a tongue-bath!

At long last, Darla has been housebroken.

Isn't it great the way Rocky's eyes disappear when he grins? They also disappear when he scowls. Those Loki Beaker brows are great!

Cory goes Permaplat for the third time by becoming a Celebrity Chef. Now he wants to reach the top of Gamer again. Sorry, no, the hours for Celebrity Chef are way, way better!

"Cory, there you are. Listen, there's something I have to tell you.""I'm not going to teach the kids how to Swoon, Dad.""No, that's not it. Although I wouldn't object to that sort of blatant pandering. Something my dad told me, that I have to tell you, and you have to tell your heir and so on.""Okay.""He said it was important. That the Legacy would be destroyed if any of us failed.""Okay. So what is it?"" 'When the time is right, let the rain wash away the sins of the past.' "

"Dad, that's crazy-talk.""You know, that's the same thing I said. Apparently it'll sound less crazy when the time is right, or so Dad seemed to think.""How do we know when the time is right?""When the message makes sense.""Nothing like a little circular logic to make life interesting.""Well, it's your problem now, Cory. Just make sure you tell Rocky or Coco before you die.""You're just full of cheer today, aren't you?""It's been twelve hours since my last WooHoo.""Too much information."

It's finally time for Rocky and Coco to become children! Everybody managed to wander in, except for Finn, who was taking a well-deserved nap. Rocky beats Coco by a nose.

Morocco seems to have meshed the most distinctive features of both his parents. I can't wait to see what happens to his face when he gets to college.

Monaco looks enough like Cory that I think she'll have a good case of Exploding Face when she hits college.

More Jonny/Jeannie *heart* time!

They just go and do this stuff on Free Will. They're so perfect for each other.

Indy likes playing Archaeologists and Graverobbers with Rocky. It's like Cops and Robbers. Only not.

"The Cross of Coronado belongs in a museum!""Nuh-uh!""Yuh-huh!"

BABY TOSSINUR DOIN IT WRONG

Raven extricates Dora from the chandelier and teaches her to talk. It ticked over to Fall the day Dora aged up, so she gets the extra-quick toddler skilling.

Once again, no one in the household rolled Wants to teach Dora her skills. I figured between Jonny, Jeannie, and Raven, they'd be fighting over the privilege of toddler-skilling, but nobody's really biting.

And yes, Raven and Jonny's Want Panel Spam still involves seeing the ghosts of their dead relatives.

"Hey, Chad! Think fast!""Aaaah! Not the face!"

I'm just waiting until they discover the chessboard.

Tom: "So what're you kids working on?"Chad: "Science projects."Tom: "Science projects, huh? What're you doing them on?"Chad: "What Makes Bunnies Cute And Cuddly!"Tom: "That's... interesting. How 'bout you, Indy?"Indy: "Sand vs. Gold: A Study In Relative Densities."Tom: "Whatever happened to baking-soda-and-vinegar volcanoes?"

"The teacher didn't like my report on how the Revolutionary War could have been prevented if everybody'd just gotten together for a group hug."

Sorry about that, Chad. But your big brother's growing up. There may be cake involved!

OK, I lied, no cake. The only one who actually showed up was Chad.

Brace yourselves for a closeup. Indy's... yeah... wow...

India rolled Fortune; the first Vetinari to roll that Aspiration. That only took me five generations! He's an Aries 9/10/9/4/2, and his LTW is to be a Hall of Famer like his dad.

Can we just bask in the hotness for a minute? He's like a gorgeous hybrid of Raven and Tom--Raven's chin and Tom's Non-Stabby Death Nose.

Indy celebrates his birthday with his very first finger-gun.

"Kor shookey, Grandma and Grandpa! Chad won't do this ever!""That's great, Indy! You gonna let me clean that bowl up when you're done?""No, I thought I'd do it myself.""...Can someone get this pillow out of my leg?"

Indy's also good for snuggles, as Dora could tell you.

He actually rolled the Want for the Extraterrestrial Reparations Scholarship. How often do Fortune Sims roll Wants for abduction? Indy's my little explorer wannabe...

Dora grows up with Tom, Indy, and Jeannie in attendance.

I seem to have unintentionally gone with a "blue" theme for clothing here.

Dora definitely favors Raven over Tom. Happily, Raven is pretty, so this state of affairs is not a tragedy by any stretch of the imagination.

Now that everyone's out of diapers, time to head to the Uglacy.

Finn may be old, but he's still got his mojo working! You can take the harem of lovers away from the Romance Sim (thanks to a rebuild) but you can't take the Romance Sim away from Finn!

This is Quinten. He'll be the eventual mate for Darla. I originally wanted an adult dog, but the adult dog pool didn't regenerate when I adopted the clones out, and the adult dogs that are there are the kind that eat furniture. No thanks.

I fed Darla some Kibble of Life to keep her young enough to breed when Quinten grows up.

I'm just hoping Quinten isn't another Airedale!

"So if you want to WooHoo 20 Different Sims, and you've already WooHooed ten at home, but two of them caught you cheating, how do you figure out how many public WooHoos you'll be able to have?""Grandpa?""Yes?""Can you not help me with my homework anymore?""These things are important, Rocky!""I'm a little kid. It's not important to me.""You may have a point there."

"So if you Want 30 Best Friends, and you already have 13, how many days do you have to Wish For Friends at the Wishing Well before you fulfill that Want?""I'm so glad I asked you for help and not Grandpa. Oh, and six days. Unless you make other friends along the way."

Quinten is well on his way to being housebroken.

And yes, that IS Cypress in the background, stopping by for his regular "invite himself over" deal. He got distracted by the bubble blower that I bought to get rid of some Want Panel Spam of Cory's. As far as I'm aware, Cory has never actually used it.

For a change, it was Christy who spooked Morocco, and not PseudoBruty. My spectral arch-nemesis has only haunted once, and didn't make it into the house. Christy and Orson are the only ones who like to come in and whine that I moved their graves; Larch and PseudoBruty tend to stay outside.

Ah yes, the "Bella Goth"* approach to getting into private school. Rosemarie nets a "ho-hum" 60 Schmooze points from meeting Headmaster EmoHair in her undies wearing the Social Glasses. I didn't even need to show him the dog-washing bathroom to get Coco and Rocky into private school.

*EphemeralToast's "Ugothlacy." Read it.

"This is it, huh, Dad?""You're a Popularity Sim!""Yes. Yes I am."

Oh, thanks, Rosemarie. That just makes this sooooo much easier.

"Have you ever cheated on me, Finn?""I can honestly say No. Unless you count that time in the photobooth.""That was me.""See? I can't cheat on you with you, can I?"

He's technically correct. Alpha Finn was quite the man-whore, but Beta Finn has only WooHooed Rosemarie.

" 'Bout that time?"'Fraid so."Do I get hula girls?"Yup."Aaaallllll riiiiiiight."

" 'Sup, brah?""You're not a hula girl!""Next to your wife, dude.""Oh. There she is."

"Waaaaaahhhhh! Delphinium Vetinari, you had better be watching me cry over you!""Aloha."

"Aloha yourself, cutie. Tell me, Death Spicoli, are there more hula girls where I'm going?""Don't you want to know about the bodacious curls?""Bodacious girls? Sign me up!""No, I said... You know what, dude? Never mind.""Bring on the babes!"

Everyone took it pretty hard. Zee once more attempted to make a break for it before she cracked, but she did eventually cry over her twin brother. Kestrel was also fairly broken up.

Poor Cory was at work, because I am dumb and didn't cancel the Go To Work interaction soon enough. I'd planned on making him call in sick, but he snuck out to the car before I realized it. He cried four times before he finally stopped--more than anyone else, even his nice-guy brother.

Delphinium Vetinari, Gen 3 Uglacy heir. He married Rosemarie, who proved to be a real boon to the Uglacy. He achieved 2 LTWs: Hall of Famer and 20 Simultaneous Lovers. He had two kids, Cormorant and Kestrel, and two grandkids, Morocco and Monaco.

Dunno how long Finn lived due to the rebuild; if I had to ballpark it, probably around 78 days. He left $20K to Rosemarie, $9100 to Cory, $2400 to Rocky, $2025 to Coco, and money to 11 other people, probably mostly Vetinaris.

Finn, you were the first Romance Sim whose Insane Harem of Lovers LTW I ever attempted, and I sort of had fun with it. Your Want Panel occasionally made me want to stick a fork in my brain, especially where SimNerd was concerned, but you turned out to be a decent dad and a darned good grandpa. I'll miss having you around. But I won't miss shuddering every time I open SimNerd's Want Panel.

I've been slacking on getting portraits re-painted. But Cory's is up there; that's gotta count for something, right?

Anyway, there's Finn's Platinum Old Age Romance grave next to Larch's and Orson's graves.

Time for something marginally less depressing.

"Cassidy? It's time to go.""C'mon, Malcolm, just one more?""It's my kid's birthday tonight. I'm closing up early.""You know I'm good for it.""Your bar tab's not the issue. I want to watch Mal grow up."

"I've always thought birthdays are overrated. I mean, you just get older and then you realize how much things suck. You can't deal with that without a drink in you! I'll join you.""Cass, I've already called you a cab. I'm not missing Mal's birthday. I'm all my kids have, and I won't have them thinking that I care more about making money than I do about them."

"I got time until the cab gets here, right? I'll down it quick, I promise.""Go home, Cassidy.""Okay. Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.""Cass, this isn't good for you.""Yeah. ...I'll see you tomorrow."

"Gil, good to see you!""Hey, you know me, any excuse for a party!""Sure, I remember those bashes you used to throw when you were in culinary school. I tell you, there were mornings I woke up wondering where my pants had gone and why my mouth tasted like hummus.""Hahaha, yeah... Why did I throw that one?""I believe that was the 'It's Wednesday!' celebration.""Hard to believe we were that young.""The prep school brat and the kitchen rat. I still don't know how we never needed bail money.""Speak for yourself.""I missed the fun?""You were skiing in the Alps with your parents.""What happened?""Let's just say it involved a set of triplets, a bottle of tequila, and a public indecency misdemeanor.""Niiiiiiice.""Good times."

"This is my party! Me and my bear!"

"C'mon, Mal, let's grow you up."

Little Malcolm V pops into childhood. Insert lame comment about amazement of having fingers and/or hand here.

"Wow, Malcolm. Your nose is...""Persistent?""Sure. Let's go with 'persistent.' "

Malcolm V still likes playing with the teddy. Facially, not as bad off as Eddie, but still not going to win any beauty contests.

I'm just surprised that both of Sycamore's kids got her recessive blonde hair.

One more stop before we're through...

"Well, Spider Jerusalem? Have you gotten your Reaper Child powers yet?"

"Yeah, Dad. Turns out I have the power to be really annoyed with people when they ask me stupid questions first thing in the morning before I've had a chance to eat breakfast. It's sorta specific, but I hold out hope that I'll find a way to use it to my advantage."

"That was a serious question. I want a serious answer."

"The serious answer is I don't have any powers! I don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be able to do!""I researched Reaper Children extensively! Everything indicated that a Reaper Child would have power--the fault must lie with you.""Well, maybe you need to go back and check your books again, Dad. Or better yet, the next time your murder someone, ask the Reaper for the fucking manual!""Don't tempt me, Spider Jerusalem. If I need another Reaper Child, you're the most convenient sacrifice.""Like I haven't heard that before. We both know it's an empty threat.""Is it now?"

"If you were gonna kill me and get another Reaper Child, you'd have done it before now. But let's face it; you can't be bothered with a kid, and if you kill me, there'll be no one to raise it. Cassidy had Jane, and Delirium and I had Cass. Somehow I don't think Tiffany is up for playing Mommy, and you won't kill her as long as she feeds your ego. So it's time to put up or shut up! Prove me wrong and kill me right now, or stop making idle threats. I've had enough of listening to that same old line."

"Ahahahahaha...""What the hell is with you?""Feeling angry, are we? Getting a little pissed?""What's that got to do with anything?""If you're this quick to anger, you're not the saint you imagine yourself to be.""I oughtta..."

"Care to finish that sentence? No? You pretend to take the moral high road--you haven't killed anyone, yes, very impressive--but deep down, you have the same urges, the same desires, the same rage that I have. If I can push you to be this furious so easily, you're no angel. If you think you're going to be someone's White Knight, you're deluding yourself. Do you really believe anyone will ever look at you and see the hero? You were born from a murder; the potential for destruction has been in you since the moment you were created. You are my son, Spider Jerusalem, and sooner or later you're going to realize that you are just like me."

"I am not like you.""And if you did have Reaper Child powers, would I still be standing here?""I...""That's what I thought. This is what you were meant for. Stop fighting and just accept that this is what you are. Welcome to the Dark Side, Spider Jerusalem."

It isn't true. It isn't inevitable. That isn't what I am.

I'm never gonna win Mister Congeniality, but I'm not Dad. I couldn't do the things he's done.

Could I? Could I value people's lives so little? Could I stand there and laugh as people I know and care about get hurt? Could I treat another person like a commodity to be traded and used?

He's right. I've got a temper. And I'm losing it more often. It won't take much to push me over the edge. Even if I don't have any Reaper Child powers, I could still kill someone. I can't pretend like I don't have it in me. If I go that far... Once that happens, there's no going back.

I can fight it. I don't have to give in. I don't have to be what he wants me to be.

I just have to remember who I am. Remember that I'm not him. Remember why I'm doing this at all. Remember that I'm not his tool, or his pawn, or his patsy.

I can't afford to lose. If I do, that'll be it. One day, I'll wake up and look in the mirror...

...and see him looking back at me.

And I won't even regret it.

I need someone to tell me it's not true. I need someone to tell me I'm different from him. I need someone to tell me I'm not the villain.

Cass... Why can't you be here when I need you? Uncle Larch... Why'd you have to die?

Only one thing left to do...

"Can you meet me Downtown? I need to talk..."

Next time: Chapter 12.75 sees the last of Gen 3, plus more birthdays, and the answer to the question "Whom is Spider talking to?"