TheVicious Cycle

thecoupleconnection.net © One Plus One

When partners become parents it can be a difficult time in their relationship. Mum’s often complain that their partner doesn’t support them enough.

Mum feels unsupported

Sometimes it’s about about what he doesn’t do, sometimes about the standard of what he does do Very often it’s more about her feeling overwhelmed and responsible for everything.

Mum feels unsupported

Mum expresses a lack of support by criticising dad. He may retaliate so and the level of conflict rises.

Mum feels unsupported

Mum becomes criticalof dad – conflict rises

Home becomes a place of tension and stress. Both partners become dissatisfied with their relationship.

Dad becomes dissatisfied withrelationship

Mum feels unsupported

Mum becomes criticalof dad – conflict rises

Generally, when dads become dissatisfied with their relationship they become less involved with their child. (A mum’s dissatisfaction with their relationship doesn’t seem to affect their relationship with their child as much).

Dad becomes dissatisfied withrelationship

Mum feels unsupported

Mum becomes criticalof dad – conflict rises

Dad becomes lessinvolved with child

And, once a dad becomes less involved with their child, their partner feels even more unsupported. The circle continues, damaging the relationship.

Dad becomes dissatisfied withrelationship with partner

Mum feels unsupported

Mum becomes criticalof dad – conflict rises

Dad becomes lessinvolved with child

This ‘vicious cycle’ can be reversed in a number of ways.

Dad becomes dissatisfied withrelationship

Mum feels unsupported

Mum becomes criticalof dad – conflict rises

Dad becomes lessinvolved with child

Mums need to find ways of expressing their need to be supported, both practically and emotionally, to their partner.

Dad satisfied withrelationship

Mum feels supported

Dad involvedwith child

Mum less critical of dad

Both partners need to recognise the warning signs, to look at how they manage their disagreements and focus on strengthening and protecting their relationship.

Dad satisfied withrelationship

Mum feels supported

Dad involvedwith child

Mum less critical of dad

Dads, especially new dads, can be daunted by handling a new baby and mothers can be over-protective. Working together as new parents, learning more about how to be sensitive to their baby’s signals, they will bond better with their baby and keep their connection as a couple stronger.

Dad satisfied withrelationship

Mum feels supported

Dad involvedwith child

Mum less critical of dad

TheVicious Cycle

thecoupleconnection.net © One Plus One