The Voice A few months ago I found myself faced with one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I found myself wedged between a husband I absolutely adore and a young adult son I could not bear separang myself from. What had become constant for me five years into my son’s diagnosis was my newfound reality of being a caregiver. Sleepless nights, unpredictable days, and reless emoons that I could not figure my way around. I had not asked for this new and more advanced role. I just found myself in it. I found it much different than the intrinsic role associated with being a mother. This go-round caregiving had evolved into so much more. Looking aſter a twenty plus young adult with a serious mental illness was far more involved than the day-to -day mothering I had learned to master when my children were growing up. Sadly for me, I did not ask for help managing these emoons. My husband had begun to see the extraordinary burden I was under and was desperate in his own way to assist me in finding soluons. While I fought endlessly to come to the aid of my son, to save him, my husband silently anguished over how to save me. Thinking back, I am not sure how I missed his efforts. I had been so emerged in the noon that I was the ONLY person who could help our son, that I totally dismissed what my husband could have been feeling. Like most people caring for a mentally ill loved one, I found myself at the center of most of my son’s frustraon. He would lash out and oſten become verbally abusive. This had really begun to dampen my spirit. Slowly things had goen so unbearable that I secretly wished for it all to end. On one parcular evening at my rope’s end, I recall sobbing uncontrollably. My only place of comfort was in the arms of my protector—my husband. I remember telling him that mental illness had won and that I could not imagine another day engaged in this situaon. I remember insisng that my son would not and could not progress past where he was and that I had run out of soluons. I had no more paence. My husband listened, and then very maer of factly insisted that I consider for separate living arrangements for my son. I could not believe this was his soluon to the agony I was in. I was angry at the very HIM By: Ladi March, NAMI Palm Beach County Board of Directors February 2019 Issue II, Vol. IX 5205 Greenwood Ave., Ste. 110 West Palm Beach, FL 33407 561-588-3477 www.namipbc.org thought but raonalized that losing both my husband and my son to mental illness was not an opon. The next morning my husband and I worked nonstop at finding a housing alternave for my son. It was expensive. It was not ideal. However, it would provide me with a much needed reprieve. Fast forward some four months later and my son has managed. The fears of him not being able to manage without me being ever-present have been debunked. I am not sure what my husband saw in either my son or me that led him to believe we could withstand some space but I am thankful for his insight. What I can say I have learned is simple—the things we choose to let go are equally as important as those things we insist on hanging on to. I recognize that every mental health journey is different. I also recognize the journey is not meant to be traversed alone. I recognize that while our fathers and husbands don’t always seem to be connected to the intensity of the situaon most oſten they are uber connected to the hurt, agony, and pain we absorb as primary caregivers. For those of us so wrapped up in our day–to-day concerns, we must remember to take a step back and generate open and honest dialogue about how we are doing. Then, freely, we must open our hearts and minds to how we can allow them to be a part of the soluon. It really can make all of the difference.
Transcript
The Voice
A few months ago I found myself faced with one of
the most difficult decisions of my life. I found myself wedged
between a husband I absolutely adore and a young adult son
I could not bear separating myself from. What had become
constant for me five years into my son’s diagnosis was my
newfound reality of being a caregiver. Sleepless nights,
unpredictable days, and tireless emotions that I could not
figure my way around. I had not asked for this new and
more advanced role. I just found myself in it. I found it
much different than the intrinsic role associated with being
a mother. This go-round caregiving had evolved into so
much more. Looking after a twenty plus young adult with a
serious mental illness was far more involved than the day-to
-day mothering I had learned to master when my children
were growing up. Sadly for me, I did not ask for help
managing these emotions.
My husband had begun to see the extraordinary
burden I was under and was desperate in his own way to
assist me in finding solutions. While I fought endlessly to
come to the aid of my son, to save him, my husband silently
anguished over how to save me. Thinking back, I am not
sure how I missed his efforts. I had been so emerged in the
notion that I was the ONLY person who could help our son,
that I totally dismissed what my husband could have been
feeling. Like most people caring for a mentally ill loved one,
I found myself at the center of most of my son’s frustration.
He would lash out and often become verbally abusive. This
had really begun to dampen my spirit. Slowly things had
gotten so unbearable that I secretly wished for it all to end.
On one particular evening at my rope’s end, I recall
sobbing uncontrollably. My only place of comfort was in the
arms of my protector—my husband. I remember telling him
that mental illness had won and that I could not imagine
another day engaged in this situation. I remember insisting
that my son would not and could not progress past where
he was and that I had run out of solutions. I had no more
patience. My husband listened, and then very matter of
factly insisted that I consider for separate living
arrangements for my son. I could not believe this was his
solution to the agony I was in. I was angry at the very
HIM By: Ladi March, NAMI Palm Beach County Board of Directors
February 2019
Issue II, Vol. IX
5205 Greenwood Ave., Ste. 110 West Palm Beach, FL 33407
561-588-3477 www.namipbc.org
thought but rationalized that losing both my husband and my son to mental illness was not an option.
The next morning my husband and I worked nonstop
at finding a housing alternative for my son. It was expensive. It
was not ideal. However, it would provide me with a much
needed reprieve. Fast forward some four months later and my
son has managed. The fears of him not being able to manage
without me being ever-present have been debunked. I am not
sure what my husband saw in either my son or me that led him
to believe we could withstand some space but I am thankful for
his insight. What I can say I have learned is simple—the things
we choose to let go are equally as important as those things we
insist on hanging on to.
I recognize that every mental health journey is
different. I also recognize the journey is not meant to be
traversed alone. I recognize that while our fathers and
husbands don’t always seem to be connected to the intensity
of the situation most often they are uber connected to the
hurt, agony, and pain we absorb as primary caregivers. For
those of us so wrapped up in our day–to-day concerns, we
must remember to take a step back and generate open and
honest dialogue about how we are doing. Then, freely, we
must open our hearts and minds to how we can allow them to
be a part of the solution. It really can make all of the
difference.
SAVE THE DATES
February is Eating Disorders Awareness Month
Feb 17 – Peer Council Trip (p. 4)
Feb 18 – NAMI Connection Meeting Cancelled
Feb 20 – NAMI General Meeting: Eating Disorders &
Substance Use (p. 7)
Feb 22 – NAMI Reunion (p. 2)
Feb 24 – NAMI Peer Council Meeting (p. 4)
Feb 26 – NAMI Book Club (p. 8)
Mar 20 – Your Dependent with Special Needs (p. 7)
Apr 02 – NAMI General Meeting Financial Planning
May 20 – NAMI Ending the Silence-Families (p. 5)
Page 2
In December, NAMI PBC served 522 individuals
We answered 128 family calls
22 attended NAMI Presentations
15 attended NAMI Family-to-Family Course
27 attended NAMI Family Support Groups
180 attended NAMI Connection Groups
22 attended the NAMI Y oung Adults Group
16 Teens Mentored, 11 Adults Mentored
101 participated in NAMI Peer Council and
NAMI on Wednesday activities
Support NAMI PBC every time you shop on Amazon!
Just go to smile.amazon.com and search for
NAMI Palm Beach County.
A donation is made each time you shop!
Thank you for your support.
NAMI Reunion
All NAMI families and friends are invited to join us
for a new monthly social event,
the NAMI Reunion.
Our first meeting will take place:
Friday, February 22, 2019
6:00-8:00 p.m.
NAMI Lake Worth Office
1520 10th Ave North, Suite D.
Lake Worth, FL 33460
RSVP 561-588-3477
Thank you to everyone who supported NAMI during
Lord & Taylor NAMI Days!
You can still support NAMI through the purchase of a #stigmafree
t-shirt. They are available online on the Lord & Taylor website.
The numbers are in! NAMI Palm Beach County's 2018 Annual Luncheon generated revenue in record amounts! This revenue is extremely important to us for the operation of our support groups, educational programs, and advocacy. Thanks to your generosity, NAMI PBC is in a great position to start 2019, and we now are planning to expand our offerings of classes and groups.
We are extremely grateful for the confidence and generous financial support given to us by our 2018 Luncheon Committee, our donors, local businesses, and individuals.
Thank you for your contribution to NAMI Palm Beach County's success!! Don't forget to mark your calendar for next year's luncheon on December 12th.
2019 NAMI Annual Luncheon
December 12, 2019
New NAMI Bench We are excited to share that we have a new NAMI bench! We are very happy with the quality and
workmanship of this bench and would like to thank Jeff Industries, Inc. for creating such a great product!
Mobile Crisis: Mobile Crisis provides emergency intervention, de-escalation, screening and assessment for individuals
who are in emotional distress. As a family member or close friend, you can call Mobile Crisis and discuss the situation
with them. They will help to determine the best course of action. It may involve them going to the individual’s home
to assess the situation. Based on the assessment, they may recommend community treatment, or they can arrange to
have the individual hospitalized. Mobile Crisis services are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Palm Beach County has three Mobile Crisis Units:
Jerome Golden Mobile Crisis (northern part of county): 561-383-5777; (Glades area): 561-992-8707
South County Mobile Crisis (southern part of county): 561-637-2102
Calling 911: If you find that the situation has escalated to a point of crisis, call 911, describe your situation and ask for
a CIT-trained officer. The Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) completes a week-long training developed nationally by NAMI
and the police to improve responses to people in crisis. Many local officers have participated in this training.
Questions / Need Resources? When you are looking for support finding resources, or to develop a crisis contingency plan, you can call NAMI PBC’s
Certified Recovery Peer Specialist (Family Support), Sue Gordon at 561-588-3477. Sue is available during regular
business hours to help you identify resources in your area within Palm Beach County.
Page 8
Resources
NAMI Book Club
NAMI would like to thank our volunteers, Tracy and
Des, for hosting a great NAMI Book Club session on
the book, I’m Right, You’re Wrong, Now What? by
Dr. Xavier Amador.
Due to popular demand, we have added a second
meeting to discuss this book.
Tuesday, 2/26/19
6:00 p.m.
NAMI Lake Worth Office
1520 10th Ave North, Lake Worth, FL 33460
RSVP: 561-588-3477
NAMI Book Club
NAMI Support Groups
Page 9
NOTE: Support groups are subject to change. Please call NAMI Palm Beach County at 561-588-3477 to confirm details.
For information about other local support groups, please call
NAMI Palm Beach County at 561-588-3477.
NAMI Connection Peer Recovery Support
NAMI Young Adults Support Group
NAMI Family Support Group
NAMI on Wednesdays Drop In Center
Lake Worth (NAMI Office)
1520 10th Ave. N, Ste. D, Lake Worth, FL 33460
Saturdays, 4:00 p.m.—5:30 p.m.
Saturdays, 6:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.
Delray (South County Mental Health Ctr., Toole Bldg.)
16158 S Military Trail, Delray Beach, FL 33484
Mondays, 2:45 p.m.—3:45 p.m.
There will be no Delray NAMI Connection
Meeting on 2/18/19 due to President’s Day
Lake Worth (NAMI Office)
1520 10th Ave N, Ste. D, Lake Worth, FL 33460
First 3 Fridays each month, 6:00 p.m.—7:30 p.m.
Lake Worth (NAMI Office)
1520 10th Ave N, Ste. D, Lake Worth, FL 33460
Wednesdays, 11:00 a.m.—4:00 p.m.
Boca Raton (East) (Boca Raton Community Center)
150 Crawford Blvd., Boca Raton, FL 33432
2nd Wednesday, 6:30 p.m.—8:00 p.m.
Boca Raton (West) (West Boca Library)
18685 N. State Road 7, Boca Raton, 33498
1st Thursday, 6:30 p.m.—8:00 p.m.
Delray Beach (Fair Oaks Pavilion, Classroom D)
5440 Linton Blvd., Delray Beach, FL 33446
2nd Tuesday, 7:00 p.m.—8:30 p.m.
Jupiter (El Sol)*
106 Military Trail, Jupiter, FL 33458
2nd Thursday, 7:00 p.m.—8:30 p.m.
*New location, date, and time
Go Paperless Stay up to date with NAMI PBC online. Contact the office at 561-588-3477 to learn more.
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