The4Proven SecretsToGet HimToChange, OpenUp&Care …Evergreen/... · 2015-10-03 ·...

© 2015 JAYSON GADDIS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 1

The 4 Proven Secrets To Get Him To Change, Open Up & Care About You Again Before It's Too

Late.


Your guy, your man. We want him to break free, we want him to feel himself again and turn toward you in such a way that has you feeling cared about and loved and understood. That's what you want, and we want him to do that. Pain Check out that word pain. You find out how this word helped me open up to my wife at every level. Seriously. I’m still opening up at every level. This word is so helpful. And a reminder that you can have exactly what you want in a relationship without compromising your integrity. It’s true. Some you may not believe that and that's okay. I’m here to tell you that it’s true. You may think you’ve seen and heard it all when it comes to relationship advice, especially with men. But I can guarantee you that you’ve never seen these little-‐known relationships secrets before. I can bet on that. This is entirely different is not like therapy, counseling, popular relationship or marriage books that you’ve read, heard about or even tried. So prepare to have a serious light shed on your situation by what I’m about to reveal to you. Stay present throughout this class until the end to discover the four proven secrets to get your shut down or unavailable man to care about you and your relationship or marriage again before it's too late. And this is without asking him to do anything differently, and definitely without losing yourself or leaving yourself behind anymore. You know as well as I do, if you examine closely enough, that's happened. Remember, what I’m sharing will finally allow you clarity and freedom within your relationship without extra stress or effort on your part, while giving you some of my best relationship goal to make sure you continue to get what desire. This should be quickly, efficiently and in the most painless way possible. Your Guy You are out with your guy and a friend on a cool afternoon, just chilling and talking. While you and your girlfriend engage this meaningful conversation, your guy appears aloof and


uninterested. He keeps staring at his iPhone. The phone clearly has all his attention. Does this sound familiar? We’ve all been in a situation like that, especially if you're with someone who is unavailable or shut down. When guys are not available or shut down the behavior tends to look like not turning toward people. So when talking about your man you feel;

! Sort of hopeful ! Discouraged ! Frustrated, angry and even enraged at times ! At a loss, helpless, stuck ! Unsatisfied ! Alone ! Unmet, unseen and misunderstood ! Confused; walking on eggshells; and ! Exhausted trying…

So many women feel so about their husbands or boyfriends. The problem is you want to grow, and he doesn't. You want more and he wants to stay the same, you want to be met emotionally and he insists he’s trying and gets defensive. And he gets upset or shut down every time you try. You find that you’re constantly walking on eggshells and trying to find positive. “I don’t want to upset him more, because I could drive him further away.” You say. You’ve tried just about everything are you’re still in the same boat. What frustrates you even more is how hard you’ve worked at this. Sometimes you even doubt blame yourself and think you haven’t done enough. Perhaps you even judge and blame him. Maybe you’ve even tried being his number one cheerleader, to lift him up and help him in his life. You’ve tried a lot of things, even ignoring him and not making such a big deal out of it, because you hear things from him like; ‘honey why do you have to make such a big deal out of it?’ So without knowing you have started to lose track of yourself, and your needs. But none of this is your fault. You feel so fed up that you even contemplate divorce. You can’t help but compare your marriage or relationship with everyone else, and they all seem so happy. You feel so jealous of all these seemingly happy couples around you, they seem to be everywhere; even on Facebook! This makes you feel even the more frustrated, and honestly a little resentful and hatred. Yet that is not like you. So much is going around and you are afraid of getting lost in the midst of it all. You’re scared of losing your man, or kids if you have them.


“What about what I need, what about me?” You wonder. Deep down you start to feel depressed. You feel like a failure. You feel like you don't deserve to be met and loved. And this goes on and on in circles. Fortunately help is on the way right now. I’m going to give you the four proven secrets to get him to care about you and your relationship again. Plus I’m going to help you with working with a man who is shut down, slightly or majorly emotionally unavailable, checked out, tapped out, too tired, and too exhausted. Maybe he gets offensive when you suggest things that could help. Maybe he resists change and growth, isn’t very open to feedback or reflection and doesn't really want to do the work because he already feels like he works too much. Finally I’ll cover a huge bonus secret that is really key. Now that you know the problem, that your relationship challenges are not really your fault, and that perhaps you don't know your guy as well as you think, let’s dive into these four secrets. These are the same tips that have already helped over 100 women in the past several months get the relationship they desire and deserve. So women just like you have already been through this process. By the way what I’m going to teach you alone will shift your dynamic with him within 24 hours. Seriously.

Secret #1

Stop doing what you’ve been doing. That's right, take your hands off the steering wheel, then the gas, hit the brakes and pull the car over. Take a big inhale, then exhale. Stop what you’ve been doing, stop now and stop entirely. Stop any victim mindset and start to take command of yourself. You’re amazing, you’re not a victim here. If you don't stop you get more of the same and your relationship gets worse. I have a video on the three big mistakes you absolutely must avoid in order to improve your relationship with him. The three big mistakes are also known as the ‘vicious cycle of the EHH’ or your ‘default eventual response’. EHH;

• E; Expecting him to be different • H; Hoping he'll change • H; Helping him when he's not asking for it.

This is what women fall into with guys like the one you're with. EHH is normal, not that it’s a problem with you. It’s just what human beings tend to do when they’re with someone who's shut down, suffering or struggling in some way or not really there. But normal doesn't mean it's okay or that it's going to help your relationship.


Secret #2 What you are doing is backwards completely. You’re trying to help him when you really need to be helping yourself. This is also the single biggest mistake you're making that's making everything worse; keeping attention on him. This is what I did with every girlfriend I had, I was trying to get down to be a certain way. I wasn't really taking any responsibility over there. When you're focused on him you help him, you tracking him, you know them probably better than he does, you’re energetically in his business, you’re his cheerleader and perhaps it starts to feel like (to him anyway) you are his mom. Or, you regress into your younger self like a little girl and he becomes your unavailable dad, and you’re looking for love and connection. If you investigate this in deep enough you’ll find there is a family pattern going on. Yikes! Right? Compounding this problem is that you don’t really know your man as well as you think. I want you to do a little experiment; close your eyes and visualize this: Imagine being your man, take yourself in his shoes with him feeling depressed and shut down. And I come in you are I’m trying to help you. “Hey, hey, can we just connect? Can we talk about this? Can we process this? Hey let’s go for a walk. Hey, have you tried this?” And then let's say you’re contracting inward and I grabbed your hand when you don't really want my hand, and I try to pull you up to give you a hug to make you feel better. What does it feel like? And then let's say I get frustrated with you, and I start rolling my eyes. And now I get impatient, and do body signs and my frustrations starts to show. What do you feel now as him? What if I start to make demands or threats? Or what if I shut down and start to go away and ignore you now? What do you feel? You probably feel reluctant, maybe resistant, irritated, defensive and angry initially, depending on the type of guy you’re with. Under that you feel watched, judged, criticized, patronized, and maybe belittled. And under that you might feel insecure, deep hurt, missed, unloved and unappreciated. And bear in mind that this is potentially just a slice of how your guy feels when you do what you've been doing. It doesn't feel good. Plus, you’re a guy and you don't have any way to describe any of this stuff. If you haven't done a lot of work on yourself you don't know how to articulate your emotions or your inner landscape. This is how he feels and how you would feel if I wanted you to be different, change, reach your potential step up, open your heart to me and use the approach you’ve been using. It’s okay to


want his very best. It really is. It’s okay to want him to reach his potential, but it's all on the how. Inside his head, he already feels bad on the inside, and bad could mean a number of things. He could be depressed, anxious, insecure, shameful, regretful, guilty, uninspired, super-‐hurt, whichever – it depends on your guy. But he’s going to feel some montage of bad. When people try to help sometimes, especially in the approach you’ve been doing, usually a person feels worse. Plus it's not sustainable. If I can't learn as a man how to feel good from the inside out, I burn people out in my life. Let’s take a closer look at this guy by looking at who I was. I was a teenager who faced a lot of rejection, all the girls I was into didn't like me back. I was a late bloomer, and I just would fall for unavailable girls basically. They just couldn’t care less about me. And then a twenty something boy (still a boy basically) with the huge heart, underneath that all this stuff I was a sensitive being; a tender young man. On top of that of course I was pretty shut down and I didn't even know it. That’s why I drunk so much alcohol and did so many drugs. I was pretty popular, but I was jammed up relationally. I grew up in a family that was awesome but they didn't have the relational connection and attainment dialed. That was missing in my family. I felt missed and not connected to, but I didn't know that at that time, I would just go connect with nature. So when it came to girls, and people in general I didn’t know what to do. I would write notes in middle school or high school because I didn’t know how to talk to a girl I liked. Then in my 20s once I started getting the hang of girls and dating, and I got more popularity and girls started to pay attention to me because I was basically ignoring them, because that’s what a friend taught me to do. My best friend taught me not to pay attention to them and they’ll pay attention to you. And it actually worked! But who did I attract? Insecure girls who wanted me to chase them, like ‘I’m going to get him to like me.’ But unconsciously what's going on there with girls or women that do that is that they’re playing a pattern. As soon as dad turns his back on the girl growing up, she's like pining for dad! This dynamic plays out in adults everywhere, with parents who are absent or focused on work and not them. I would never in a million years met the girl I was dating. I had serious commitment issues. And commitment issues could be to intimacy and all kinds of things, but essentially it’s fear. Mine was fear of engulfment, being trapped. The only time that they could get close to me and get to my heart was after sex. That’s when I would open up and soften and be available. Meanwhile I was feeling really tense. Anytime a girl would start needing something from me, after a month or two or three, it became too much for me. And anytime she wanted to talk or process about things I just wanted to come back to the happy place. So I would go drink alcohol, or go climbing or biking or skiing or do something else to distract myself away from my


pain. Your man might do something similar, but he might go to work, or get on the computer or his phone or go watch sports all the time. All this is just distraction away from his experience. That’s what I did, and the tension built all through my 20s. I would literally get drunk and humiliate myself; or get in fights or do lots of drugs – I was a mess. I was an awesome person but I was in a lot of pain and didn’t know it. I had no skills and no interest in getting any help because I didn’t know that was on the menu. I had a lot of guy pride that I had to eventually get over, which was like I don't need help, I'm fine. Because for a man it's a sign of weakness to ask for any kind of help. Still culturally there’s this man code that perpetuates this. But deep down I felt pretty depressed, something was missing. So I fled to the mountains every day like when as a boy I would just flee to nature. It may feel like a slice with your guy, so what did you try with me? You tried to reach me, you tried to help. The women I were dating tried to help me. That would make me irritable and they would back off because they could feel my tension. Then that started the tiptoeing process, which further made me feel pissed off. So did your approach work? No, it didn’t work. The women I dated were trying hard to crack the code of me and my heart, and the more they pushed the more I went inside (wherever that was) and the more irritable I became. The more you ‘needed’ from me the more I resented and blamed you for how I was feeling. So you were screwed no matter what approach you took with me. I was unavailable, I could not be helped, period. And if you’re good with the ability to help people, you still couldn’t help me! But who am I now? What helped? What happened to get me from a shutdown unavailable man to super-‐conscious husband and father? Pain. Pain is what helped me open up to my wife at every level. So in the end, what worked? Nothing you tried worked, I had to help myself. And the primary motivating force was pain. So what makes me qualified to help you then? Well, I was this guy and I built a business for two years trying to help him, and it was called ‘Revolutionary Man.’ My mission in life was to help a million guys, just like your guy. Because I knew what that was like! I felt like I was in a cage, a prison! I felt terrible deep down if I was truly honest with myself. I was not happy. So I know what it's like to be him, and it's not pleasant. And you know this, which is why you try to help him. But your way does not work! What worked was my seventh failed relationship. I'm sitting in a wild parking lot in Utah and this has been building for months. Two months, probably more I dated my last girlfriend before I met my wife in grad school. She was named Amy, and she was amazing! She was four years older than me and she was ready for kids. I was in my late 20s, I wasn't ready for that, I had said


to myself I’ll never get married and I don’t want kids. So I was immediately a no, but we dated anyway. Towards the end of the relationship I got it clear that something was off. She was starting to not only want kids, and to go deeper with me, but she was wanting to help me and to get into my heart; and I was pretty jammed up. Her approach just drove me further away. But at the time I didn't know this, I just felt funky and every time she needed something I would get annoyed and make her wrong. So I would find a way to break up with every girl I dated as soon as things got a little challenging and uncomfortable for me. Because as soon as the girl went away, my pain went away too! I felt good again. And where would I turn? Right to a new girl who I kind of had waiting in line, and I would repeat the process and the pattern. So it was two months up before the final breakup and I was figuring out in my head how to break up with her. I knew had to do it, but I didn’t like any amount of discomfort. So I would avoid any discomfort at all costs; I would avoid the conversation when she would bring it; “are we cool, s everything okay?” “We’re fine.” But deep down I felt so dishonest to her. Then finally I decided I was going to tell her. I start gearing myself up, and the pain was terrible and she kind of knew it was coming in retrospect. But she wasn't willing to break up with me, because she was disempowered. She wasn’t in her powerful awesome self, she was in her more insecure self, thinking I finally start paying attention to her. So we’re sitting in one of those parking lots and I say it’s over. Of course I wasn’t looking her in the eye, I could barely even talk – I was trying to soften the blow in every way I could. It was a mess. She admitted she knew that was coming, and we started chatting a little. It was at that moment in time that I realized it was I who was the problem. I was so done with this pattern of mine, what is going on? Here I am again, seven times in a row pulling away from these different women. I realized I was the one common denominator. So I thought maybe if I do something about myself, this will shift from me. Because deep inside I actually did want a partner; I wanted love. I wasn't ready necessary for kids and marriage but I wanted to feel love, and I wanted to learn how to love somewhere inside of me. But it took seven failures and a lot of pain and depression and just misery for me to get motivated intrinsically from the inside out to do something about that. So after I started working on myself I felt I should help guys like me. And I tried to build a business like that for two years, helping men like your guy get what I got. I wanted so badly to help them. Even though I failed miserably at that, it catapulted me into what I call a massive midlife crisis, a spiritual emergency and a very big breakdown that lasted over a year. It was so intense. So needless to say I know men. Aside from that, I had a long resume with this;

" Running men's groups for the past 5+ years and men-‐only experiences since 1990. " I was in a men’s group for six years. " I worked with troubled teen boys for 10 years.


" I was president of my fraternity and worked for my international fraternity for 2 years, travelling the country to help men lead effectively.

" I’m a father of a little boy. " I run a boys’ group with my son and four other boys every month. " I recently finished running my 30th men’s group. " I designed and led the men’s leadership training for 3 years in a row. " I’ve been asked to speak at the Ultimate Man Summit. " I envisioned and led the Evolving Men’s Conference, and was a speaker at the school

for men. So I know the male psyche, and I know exactly how to explain the inner workings of the male mind to help you get through to your husband understand what you’ve been trying to say to him the whole time. I want you to be feeling appreciated and good, because that feels amazing. Once you leverage the secrets of male psychology you’ll finally be able to get what you want. Again, this is not to utilize male psychology stuff, because that will drive him further into his hole. Secret #3 Getting to the real issue on your side. Your husband or man is merely the messenger. He’s “delivering” the exact frustrating situation to get you to face, own and heal the baggage on your side. Once you face, own and heal what you’ve been avoiding, you’ll be free of this issue and are no longer going to “attract” shut down, emotionally stuck, or checked out men into life. So I’m flipping this whole thing and saying it's not about the guy. The guys is the messenger, you’re missing something big about you that’s going to shift this whole thing. It’s the 180° clarity to freedom process. Instead of focusing on tracking him, it's turning toward the mirror and focusing on you. It’s a specific process I take you through that helps you examine what's going on on your side dissolving the real issue. I’ve mapped this whole thing out and if you take the next step you will get to learn it. The basic snapshot is that you take your core complaint of him (he's unavailable), and now you ask why have I attracted another emotionally available guy into my life? What does this say about me? What other important man or important figure in your life was also unavailable to me? It could be your dad, your mom, your sibling or a mentor; but somewhere in your life you've experienced someone being unavailable and you’re pining for them longing, wanting, reaching, stretching, moving toward them and pursuing them. And they pull away. And here it’s happening again. So this 180 process demands you look at yourself in a way you never have. And it works! If you work it, it works every time. The cost of not doing this is that you'll keep staying with someone


like him feeling unmet, unseen and unloved; and may also keep looking at him as if he's the problem. You’ll resort back to the three mistakes expecting him to be different, hoping he'll change and trying to help him when he’s not asking for it. You’ll also miss the big opportunity, which is going to repeat like a broken record until you it. My relationship patterns repeated, and they still do because I have certain patterns. That’s how trustworthy life and relationships are. Our relationship patterns repeat until we solve them on our side, inside of us. I’ve been at this for years, I’m like a geek when it comes to this stuff. Secret #4 Communication? We don’t communicate well, we get into fights and power struggles and all that. But is it really communication? I think it runs deeper than that. You must learn how to communicate in a way that has him feeling seen and understood while being totally true to you and your needs and your desire. It isn’t just about communicating so he feels okay, because most people sacrifice or compromise their integrity in order to do that, but they have to be true to you as well. Imagine you’re an oak tree standing firmly in the ground, your roots are going deep into the earth – being true to you. And you’re able to extend powerful roots. First you have known yourself and what you stand for. If you don't know yourself and what you stand for you’re not going to be an oak tree in the ground. Second know him and what he stands. Third is to know the difference and and stop expecting him to be like you. Fourth and finally, then you communicate like a pro. I thought I was pretty good at communication before I started working on myself. I was pretty good, I read lots of leadership books, I was a leadership consultant, I did outward bound, I was an outdoor educator – I thought I was damn good at communication. Well, not when it came to intimate relationships. I was completely ignorant, and so I learnt! The most of not doing this secret is more fighting, where you both feel misunderstood and judged; more disconnection and less of what you want; and you’ll keep staying with someone like him. You’ll also face the vicious cycle of EHH, which leads to him pulling away further, you getting more and more frustrated and raged, you getting your hopes up once again only to have them squashed; hopeful turns into hopeless; and you feel so focused on his empowerment you’ve forgotten yours. It’s even worse if you have a kid because you’re transmitting it to them as well because they’re learning how to deal with relationship through you. The secret bonus is that focusing on your empowerment is the magic pathway for him to step into his. That’s the most vital key. You getting empowered is;

# You model and lead without him (this is what the wise parent does)


# It calls him forth. Some men will really contract around strong and empowered women because they're scared of their own empowerment, or they'll be attracted to it. Needless to say you want to be with the later.

# This opens and inspires instead of closing. # You cease mothering, smothering and enabling him, blaming him feeling like a victim. # It slowly begins to highlight and direct him into a choice point, like it did me.

So empowerment is not really what you think, because there's a lot of stuff on women's empowerment out there. As you know, it’s not about you threatening him and venting to your or therapist girlfriends about how stuck he is and then getting validated. That’s not an empowered woman. Some women confuse threatening him or venting about him with empowerment, and that’s when you're coming from fear versus love. The fear approach just shuts him down and drives him further away, and can go against what you desperately want. There's a specific way to begin show up in order for him to come back to you and to have him genuinely be inspired to reach his potential, to be the amazing person he is. I’ll walk you through that if you take the next step. But essentially it's about you getting empowered. The Smart Choice You may be feeling a bit inspired, called out, overwhelmed or even confused. All of that is perfectly okay. Basically you have two choices on where you go from here;

a) Take this information and try to figure it out alone. And you might see some success. b) The smart choice, which is the least painful, quickest and easiest way to help you get the

relationship you deserve. That is to let me do the work for you, let me breathe new life into your relationship immediately.

Why start from scratch and try to reinvent the wheel or spending another year in counseling and not getting anywhere, when I’ve already laid out your exact step-‐by-‐step blueprint to get him to open up and get the relationship you want? Well, you can use one that's been tested for years, and more importantly one that has had over 200 women of all ages either getting what they want or getting closer to what they want. And certainly getting way more empowered with or without their man. And getting yourself back at last without more suffering, without more drama without costing you thousands of dollars and more sleeplessness nights. This is what the vast majority of smart successful women choose; it’s The End Your Struggle with Him 30-‐Day Course.



End Your Struggle with Him in 30 Days ESH in 30 Days is the first self-‐honoring relationship approach ever created that allows you to be true to your authentic needs and still get the connection you want with him, all within 30 days! This radically simple relationship course will work for you even if you;

$ Have a boyfriend that refuses to do the work… $ Are with a man who is on board, depressed or checked out… $ Are married to a man who after a decade or two you don't have any interest in… $ Are on the brink of divorce or separation… $ Are with an abusive (emotionally or otherwise) man… $ Are with a guy who's a little or a lot shut down… $ Have tried a lot of counseling and seen very little to no results… $ Have a super-‐busy schedule (this is lifestyle-‐friendly) $ Even think you’ve tried everything to no avail.

The ESH (End your Struggle with Him) course is not therapy. That could take well over a year to accomplish what we’re going to accomplish in 30 days, there’s no exaggerating there. It isn’t more venting, it’s not to process your complaints about your man. It also is not agreeing with the part of you that blames and feels the victim, and it’s certainly not a magic bullet to solve all of your relationship problems. Rather, The ESH 30-‐Day Course is the result of over 20 years working with boys and men, 12 years working with individuals and couples from all walks of life, thousands of hours of clients in the trenches, 3 years on the psychiatric crisis team, dozens and dozens of advanced training in psychological study while analyzing myself to know and my own successful long-‐term relationship of 12 years! As well as studying intently the real reasons behind why very few marriages succeed over the long haul. We are staying together and I’m looking forward to the future, says Roberta. ‘It has been an incredible journey and I am feeling so empowered and good in comparison of when we started. Thank you for everything. I am continuing in my relationship and looking forward to what the future will bring us next.’

-‐ Roberta Marroquin. Before we go any further I want to be upfront with you, women that succeed in this program do so because they're sick and tired of what they’ve been doing. And they’re willing to ‘work’ for


what they want. In other words if you want someone to wave a wand for you and make your pain go away, I can't do that. Nor would I want to. Remember, pain is what had me motivated enough to seek out the very best solutions to help me. If you want to keep running your story and stay stuck in why your man is such and such, I can’t help you. Remember, he's an amazing human being, and so are you. He’s just a little jammed up. So please quit now if you are not ready to take responsibility for your situation and make a drastic change and do something awesome, something you’ve never tried. Because everyone knows that in order for a relationship to survive, ongoing work is required especially if you want it to thrive. This 30-‐day course is for women who are ready to go for it, because somewhere inside you know you can have a better relationship. As you know there are no easy answer, yet I’ve made this relationship course as easy as it can get. So if you're wanting to real deal answer to help you get what you want in your relationship, then… End the drama and the struggle within a month's timeframe. Seriously, end the struggle. You stay and deepen, feel understood and loved, or closer and closer to what you want with a fresh new outlook. Or you get clear and move on, making room for a man who actually wants to be with you and demonstrates by his actions. It makes no sense to keep doing what you’ve been doing. This process will help you get clear. Put an end to chronic worry, stress, and angst about your relationship, and get the exact relationship you desire without sacrificing your integrity. Then the ESH 30 day course isn’t just ‘a’ system for you, it is the only system for you! Remember, you can have exactly what you want, without sacrificing your integrity. Here’s a few testimonials about the work: ‘We’re staying together and working on to renew our relationship, so thank you for the 30 day ESH course. It’s been tremendous help to bring eye-‐opening clarity to my relationship with myself and my husband. I’ve been humbled and invigorated to say the least, my man and I have decided to move forward together and plan to reunite by the end of the month to fully work on our relationship anew.’

-‐ Brenda. ‘It’s only this week that I have had total clarity that ‘I’m out’. This is the clarity that I’ve been seeking after two years of various interventions. Your straight talking experienced, the calls and exercises have enabled me to get here. Thank you Jayson, this is a huge relief for me.’

-‐Amanda F


‘I finally have a standard for what I want. That was a wonderful first class! It got me thinking A LOT and back to a mind-‐frame of empowerment rather than the victim. Thank you Jayson and the women of this circle. I am really honored to be on this journey with you, and an empowered man who’s making waves with his work (Jayson). It gives me a standard too, the mind-‐frame of people, men/women people I want my life and how it really does start with me.’

-‐Marina, Czech Republic ‘I resisted every urge to talk about his actions, behavior and what I need him to do differently, all the ways he’s hurt me etc. I only talked about my stuff, and I have you Jayson to thank for that golden guidance because that is not my MO. It worked! He broke! The ice did shatter, and the shell did fragment and he melted everywhere.’

-‐Savannah, Actress, Musician ‘I wanted to say that yesterday in you class I hit rock-‐bottom. To truly understand and accept that I devalue myself by being in this relationship was an incredibly freeing revelation. I can give up the fight without guilt or regret because I deserve so much better…’

-‐Kimberly Glow, Physician. ‘As for the course material – he definitely under-‐promised and over-‐delivered. the course not only gave me a number of tools to create a solid, fulfilling relationship that honors my needs, but it also provided me with the foundation for improving my relationship with myself. This is one of those rare courses that shift your perspective, provides lasting change and offers much more than what you paid for.’

-‐Diane D, age 43 ‘What I like about Jayson’s approach is that alongside the theory or ideas, he offers some genuine tools to move us forward, to take steps. Practical and functional, while getting to the core.’

-‐Jennifer Morrison ‘Our fighting stopped, it’s pleasant in our house again. I attended your webinar (had to take time off work to do it) and I took your advice to take my hands off the steering wheel, so to speak. I did that in addition to expressing my appreciation for things he does right. And just those two things alone have made our household the bright, pleasant place to be and stopped our fighting and alleviated our tension. Amazing! Of course I want to continue learning from you. I am 100% sold.’

-‐Rebecca. ‘Your coaching helped me identify my deepest values so as to make decisions that were congruent with what I wanted most. You helped me identify and break some relating patterns that have impacted me my entire life – some of which were previously unconscious. It felt so


empowering to be able to change the relating patterns and end the struggles with deep clarity and confidence. You’re the real deal. Thanks for serving me powerfully at this critical juncture in my life.’

-‐Vanessa Horn, Speaker| Author| Business Coach ‘The women I have connected with are wonderful. We have so much in common and support each other with such love. Thank you for showing up and being there to assist.’

-‐Debe. ‘I felt trapped in an abusive relationship when I started working with Jayson, and I was trying to help this guy. I even brought him to therapy a couple of times hoping he’d get on board. In a few months I recovered my personal power and developed the communication skills I needed to safely leave the relationship. Looking back, I’ve come a really long way. All my relationships, my friends, family and most importantly with myself, have benefited from this work.’

-‐Caroline

Questions from Women like You. Q: My boyfriend and I are far away for couple weeks, and it is not going well. We were only dating for five months, and it feels like he doesn’t want me anymore even he says he loves. I tried to talk many times but it only makes things worse. Do you think it’s too late, should I move on? A: His actions are going to speak everything. Just because a guy is not engaging with you doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you. A lot of women will make it about them and take it personally. It’s most likely not about you, even though for me I was making all these women wrong for years. But it wasn't until I had an awareness that it wasn’t about them, I was scared. I was scared of going to the next level, scared to open my heart, scared to be honest, scared to communicate and be vulnerable and all that stuff. So decide what you're willing to tolerate. If you want to be patient for a little bit you can but at a certain point if he’s flopping in and out you don’t need to tolerate that. Q: I’ve been in a relationship for six years, lots of ups and downs but recently I’ve considered letting it go. I know you can’t change anyone, only yourself. I’m trying to decide whether to stay


put. I find my most challenging behavior in my relationship is his demanding controlling ways. I’m not sure there’s something about myself to change how I respond to it. A: Absolutely there is. If I’m with someone who’s demanding controlling, first the more I own my demands and how controlling I am the less they have to schlep the load on their side. A relationship will be expressing a polarity of opposites all the time. So if you have that your partner is always controlling and never not controlling, that means that you're really allowing. You’re holding the polarity of your allowing all the time. So to get in more balance he needs to be more allowing and you need to be more controlling. In response to his controlling ways you can just say things like responsible language; like instead of “you’re so controlling,” you can say things like “I feel controlled. I feel constrained, I feel held back by you and your actions.” that's going to trigger him. Also your past, where in your life have you felt controlled? And that’s the real place to deal with it. Q: I have done some really deep work and made some major changes that started from my husband complaining about my negativity and dissatisfaction. But now he’s amazed by my changes and keeps asking for more. It’s however terrifying for me because he travels a lot already, and it feels empty. A: She changed her negative behavior in some way, and it spooked her husband who is now distant, and she’s scared. My question is would you rather be true to yourself and be who you really are, and lose your husband, or would you rather betray yourself and try to maintain some kind of connection with your husband? Your negativity is just a result of some fragmented part of you, it’s not the real you anyway. So being positive and upbeat isn’t necessarily the answer, you want to find the sweet spot of who you authentically are. And if that spooks your husband, do you want to be with someone who is scared of who you really are? My advice is relax, relax into him going away, it’s going to be okay. Diana: I’ve been with my husband now for about a decade. The first few years were really great, he was there for me and available. However over the last few years he’s become more distant and withdrawn to himself. I’ve tried everything, even leaving him alone! I have tried to be empowered with him, but I don’t know how to continue because I know the love and care is still there. A: Is the love and care still there? Does his actions show? Be honest to yourself, don’t convince yourself that the love and care is still there when it’s not. This is why people will stay with people when they may be needed to move on. So get more honest with yourself. You have a higher pain tolerance than most people, I would have left for example. Don’t just stay with an abusive person just because you love him, that’s not enough. Just focus on your empowerment, period. And he can come with you or not. If you’re truly getting empowered he’s going to either get inspired and to come with you, or he’s going to shut down further. But why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be empowered themselves in


their own actions and life? This is not about giving up, but stepping into yourself in a deeper way. You need to give a shit about yourself. Empowered means being totally true to you and your integrity and being connected to your heart and not abandoning yourself for connection. Teresa: We had a major fallout with my man. I’m ready to pull the trigger and ask him to move out this weekend. But I’m also thinking of taking your 30 day course, so should I put off pulling the trigger in the meantime? A: I never recommend people making major decisions like ending a relationship when you’re in emotional upset or reactivity. If you feel like you’ve been calm for a good period of time like days or weeks, then you reach total clarity and it feels right in your heart then that’s the time to make a big decision. The course certainly could be a time pause for you to really work it and then go to clarity, but that’s one choice. Stephanie: I’m from London, and just wondering how the course is delivered. A: The course is delivered just like this; I talk for 30 to 45 minutes via a webcast with slides and you ask questions. We then type them and the recording and PDFs uploaded to a private Member’s area that you can access anytime you want. The recording is also converted into an mp3 so that you can listen whenever you want. Q: What if a husband does want help and likes your approach, do you offer services for the both of us with ESH course? A: No. I do private coaching although I’m not really taking any new clients right now. But stay tuned for a future course for you and him. Q: I’ve been involved with my boyfriend for 9 months. He’s been single for 16 years, I’ve been single for a year prior. He rarely says he loves me, doesn't say much in terms of his feelings about me. He says I should pay attention to what he does, that that says it all. Yet I do find myself wanting to hear more from him verbally, yet he seems to really resist my request to just say it. A: These are two different styles. You care about verbal language and he cares about non-‐verbal. That can be just a difference in priorities and preferences or values, which is great, but if you want to succeed as a couple you both need to learn the other person's way because it helps them. So you need to learn that he likes nonverbal communication more than verbal, and do that a lot of the time for him. He too if he's open to growth needs to learn your way because that’s going to make you feel great and lit up and appreciated if he learns to talk sometimes about his feelings or about you and your feelings. But you don’t want to get in the business of trying to get him to do that. However open up to him and tell him you’d like some verbal


speech sometimes to make you feel loved and appreciated, just as nonverbal does for him. Give him a chance, but have zero expectation that he will. Nicole: My husband and I have been together for a long time and there’s been a lot of issues. I got to a point last year where I couldn’t take it anymore; communication problems and he was turning to other avenues to cope with things like drinking. It wasn’t like that in the beginning. So when I couldn’t take it anymore I asked him to leave and the past 365 days has been a revolution in my heart and mind. After I came across your videos and content, I realized that we’re human and we go through stuff and I just wanted to have him back and reconcile. But now he won’t even speak to me. I just don’t know where to begin and to communicate. A: The comment that you don’t know how to get him to communicate is the old you, the one that wants to get him to do stuff. The new you isn’t going to try to do anything with him, you’re going to mostly be true to yourself and work on yourself little bit for about a month. And then your actions are going to inspire him more than anything, energetically and otherwise to meet you or not. Then if you want to make a request or have a preference or state something to him you can but I wouldn't expect a lot if at this point he's not really interested. You don’t need to work that hard to get love. You just don’t. Clare: When I try to speak to my husband he shuts down. We’ve been together 12 years, with two kids. I usually try by owning up what I do, but he just responds yes you do, rather than it being a mutual reflection. I now feel shut down. He also says things just to hurt me. Without my kids I would have left, I’m yearning for a soulful connection. A: You can have a self-‐connection Clare, it just might not be with him because that’s not necessarily what he wants. Even if he says he does, his actions are what's communicating. So he does not want a soulful connection with you back, he’s not interested in that. He wants something else, he wants a co-‐parent, a companion etc. So part of your journey might be continuing to get empowered until you can go find a soulful connection that works for you. Two kids, 12 years that's a lot to move on from, but your kids will be fine. When you own what you do and your partner does not own what he does, that’s just information, right? In the 10 agreements of an indestructible marriage for example, I talk about like we both own our shit. That’s part of a growth development model relationship where we’re both into growing and developing ourselves and taking responsibility for our stuff. And it's mutual, takes two to tango. But most people get married before they even think about the gravity of the situation they’re getting into, then they have kids and reality sets in. But it’s still about you, you have to learn and grow and heal your own stuff, and when you do you make different choices like moving on. Kelly: My boyfriend is an active alcoholic. That really bothers me but I still live at my dad’s so I may just leave. A: You can’t leave because you see more disadvantages than advantages to leaving. As soon as you bounce that out and you realize there's just as many drawbacks as there are benefits to me leaving then you're in a place of choice and you can do what you want to do for your heart,


from a place of care. But I’ll be bold to say you cannot be with an addict to make him sober. Only an addict can make an addict sober. They have to help themselves, at the end of the day the only person that can work through as addiction is the person themselves. Kalyn: I do recognize that my partner is a mirror for me to learn, but it always seems to surprise me that I end up with another person who’s cheating. I’m in a situation where we’ve decided to break up but we’re still living together and I still see opportunities for learning because I don't want to do this again. So what do you have to say as far as that? A: Being cheated on is a lesson that you deserve to stand tall in your dignity, in your beauty and your radiance and that you don’t deserve to be treated that way. That’s an empowered woman, she doesn’t get cheated on. So the work is on your side to get yourself in a place, in a position, in a body posture from the inside out that cares a lot about yourself. And that's a process! My process teaches you to do that, or you can find good practitioners out there to help you deeply value yourself. Most people deal with cheating in a triangle; you the victim, him perpetrator and the rescuer who’s the therapists or a sympathizer. But this is about you, why is it happening to you? Not from a blame standpoint, but about taking personal responsibility for what you keep drawing to your life to get back your integrity. So long as you postpone that you’ll keep attracting people who violate your boundaries. So commit to doing something about that part. Kathy: I’ve been in a relationship for two years now with a wonderful man. We’re on the same page spiritually, physically, everything. The thing that holds him back from total commitment is his fears; fears of being alone, of getting through another divorce, of losing all his money and starting over. We’ve lived together on and off and I moved out a week ago because he needs to figure this out on his own. He’s engaged in his traditional therapy, and he may be okay for six weeks then his fears come back. My question is what to deal with the flipping; you’re in you’re out? A: Notice that all the attention is on him, which is normal. You’re tracking him, you’ve got him figured out there. Here’s an acronym that I want to teach you, FRAP. I have a rule on my marriage and couples I work with and people I teach, no frapping. That’s no fixing, no rescuing, no giving advice, and no projecting. So what you do is active listening, because you want to understand him. That may prompt him to reveal something about him, because what’s mussing here is your vulnerability. Like what’s going on with you when he’s afraid? Why is his fear such a big deal to you? That’s really normal by the way, when we start to feel a little abandoned we go toward the person we feel abandoned by, and we try to get connection because we don't want to feel abandoned and discomfort and pain. But that's not the move, that’s going to drive them further away. The move is to stay with yourself and go deeper into your wind and repair it. Otherwise he's going to keep doing that thing unconsciously in his side. So we have to do to get at this deeper level. Terry: Can you elaborate on what empowering myself looks like in relation to my man? When I tried to do this I feel as though I have to do my own thing and feel like I’m excluding him.


A: The empowered person doesn't shaky with a man who is feeling excluded. She just validates him and asks him it bothers him to watch her grow and be confident. Then he’s crack and say no it isn’t. That’s one way to be considerate of your man's feelings. A lot men shrink in the face of a powerful woman because of a variety of reasons, but a lot of it is their own rejected feminine internally is just staring them in the face. Mary: We were together eight months, then I broke up with him but he started calling and according to him I would do something that upset me. I would frustrated and we wouldn’t talk for a while, and the cycle would start again. Do you think there is any hope for our relationship? A: Definitely. I don't know about hope, but I’ll call it a chance. I hear you’re taking care of yourself and not interested in certain behavior then all of a sudden he’s interested in you, which is a really common dynamic. For a relationship to succeed both parties need to be into growth and development. That’s the empowered couple, the smart couple. If you’re dragging him along that’s not empowered. Sylvie: Can you please repeat FRAP? A: F – Fixing,

R – Rescuing A – Advice P – Projecting.

Women can’t stand it when men frap on them, because our habit in the more masculine style man is to fix. When you're struggling we want to fix it and make it go away, or we will give you advice on how to deal with it so that you hurry up and feel better. But the man works on himself the more he can handle and tolerate your emotional bandwidth and your range, and the safer you feel to go into that. Tiffany: What do you do with a man who projects their insecurities on to you? A: I’d say I feel projected upon and I don't feel like this is mine. And I push back. But I usually first sit with it for a while. Someone says you're so angry or whatever Jayson, I sit back to see if it’s true. I might go ask my three closest friends and ask for their honest reflections. If they say yes, then all of a sudden I have a clearer picture of myself. It takes being projected upon in some cases to know ourselves even more. And when we really know ourselves we don’t need to get defensive. Defensiveness is usually a sign they’re right. Jessica: Is it true that I’m attracting a certain kind of people even though the first couple of months they don't exhibit those negative behaviors? A: Yes, true. It’s not present at the beginning exactly because you’re both blinded by your fantasy of who you think this person is. The dopamine's coming and the oxytocin is rushing in


and it’s feeling really good. So we actually don't see and can't see their downsides. We’re essentially unconsciously attracting our mate to work out our wounds and to grow. Relationship is designed to get us to evolve, and if you're on board with that it's not a problem. If you're on board with a fantasy, like you think marriage = happiness for example, you’re going to be really frustrated and disappointed. Because the person “fell in love” with, which is really just infatuation, is the person you’re going to resent, to get you to come back in balance and accept them for their light and their dark. Just like their job is to accept your light and dark which helps you accept your light and dark. Relationship is so beautiful, it's the most powerful alchemical magical elixir in the world in my opinion because it gets us to see and love and embrace ourselves more fully. Mary: My man left three months ago. Is this going to be beneficial to me? A: Absolutely. If your relationship just ended three months ago, you’re going to get so much more clarity and understanding as to why that happened and what your part in that whole thing is so that the next relationship you get in you're bringing a deeper expanded version of you to the table, which is going to attract a different kind of guy into your life. Shelley: I’ve been in a relationship for a couple of years now, and it’s been great. I think I want to move forward but a little nervous about talking about that because I don’t want to mess up. But he’s in his mid-‐40s and never been married. A: That’s being proactive, which is very good. In week 2 we specifically cover the communication piece. How do we communicate in a way that he feels really understood and how does he communicate in a way that has you feeling really understood? If you’re with a good dude, when you start learning this he's naturally going to be interested. An insecure guy will feel a little threatened and intimidated, which is fine as long as he can learn about that and take responsibility for it etc. About his age, a lot of guys if they’re in their mid-‐40s and never married, they definitely have something going on. There’s some fear there, some resistance, some barrier inside of him though. Myself I didn’t see much need for a marriage because I didn’t see any inspiring couples around, so he might feel some of that going on too. But I don’t think it’s a red flag, it’s just interesting. And you can just ask him for his story, just in a matter-‐of-‐fact way. Maybe he just never met the right person, you don’t know until you ask. Cara: I’ve been with my partner for two years on and off. I’ve been working on myself over time, but my question is what is a good way to respond when he throws tantrums when I set limits? He gets abusive and blames and swears at me. A: You take a deep breath and do a timeout symbol, and do it right in front of his face so it blocks your faces; and say timeout, timeout stop, stop, stop! Until he stops. You’re not getting to his unconscious which is where the boundary needs to be placed. So that means consistent repetitive action on your part about boundaries and you being so relentless and fierce about it that it goes into his unconscious. Right now in his unconscious as far as he's concerned, you're


not actually holding a boundary, you’re saying words but you don't really mean it because you're so calm. Sometimes you need to meet the thing with intensity and not tolerate it at all. Anita: I was in a relationship for 9 years, and my partner went through a very difficult divorce. It really affected our relationship and we would withdraw in terms on intimacy and thinks like that. At some point he wanted to end the relationship, but now he’s sending mixed messages. I don’t know what he wants. A: We’re closer to your edge here, that’s probably what needs to shift. You deserve to be with someone who really wants to be with you even when you upset them. But you need to know that inside out, head to toe and then it will happen. I would challenge you to make a commitment that you’re going to from head to toe how to value yourself in such a way that it brings a guy who’ll treat you that way. Jody: My husband left in June, I started seeing a man in January and we just broke last night as I tracked another emotionally unavailable man. I’m hoping this course helps me so that I can learn how to be empowered and grow. A: Absolutely, it’s going to do that for you Jody. It's from us inside out. I attracted a lot of insecure women that I kind of called girls, because they wouldn't value themselves. I got really annoyed by that because they were mirroring back how I wasn’t valuing myself. But the moment I started working on myself I started bringing in a whole new person into my life and I really was committed. and within a couple of months I met my wife in the hallway in grad school but I wasn't ready for her yet in my words, until a year later when she asked me out. She was a woman, and I was used to dating girls, so it was a little intimidating. But it happened to me, and I see it happen with a lot of people all the time. They value themselves more, stand up tall, really work this button of deserving and worth and boom! Because when we don't do that and we’re with an emotionally unavailable person, we’re just stuck in our thing. It can be different for you. Diane: What if the roles were reversed and he's always leaving the conversation? A: If he's always leaving the conversation you can just share the impact. I teach this in the course. Later, like tomorrow I can say remember when you left the room last night? This is what the impact is on me, I feel abandoned, I feel cut off, I feel frustrated; I feel there’ an open loop here and I want to close it so that I can connect with you again. I continue to advocate for myself and what I want. A couple has to find their way, and it’s a really beautiful dance when both parties offer teaching and training to each other on how they operate and work. But if one party is working on it and the other party isn't, that’s wrong. Lisa: Is it possible to get your ex back? A: Yes, totally. And it’s not going to happen by you desperately clinging on or writing emails or text all the time, that’s going to push him further away. How you get an ex back in my course is


you get empowered, because then they realize what they lost and that’s attractive. And if that’s not attractive to him you don’t want to be with a guy who’s not attracted to how empowered and awesome you are. Dana: I’ve been in a relationship or seven years. It just ended in March, he says he feels lost and doesn’t know who he is. After this course today he says I'm two to three steps ahead of him in every way, sounds like he feels like he doesn't deserve me. But why do I get the broomstick? A: I don't know that you really want to be with this guy. You’re getting something from being his helper, when you're helping your guy you're getting a lot out of that, because that’s probably what you did as a little girl to get love from your parents; you helped. That’s part of your pattern that you want to go out of. It’s also your gift that you want to get paid well for some day. But you don’t need to be in a counselor support role of your man. That kills the polarity, kills sexuality and pretty soon it’ll be mother and son. Not sexy. By him giving you the broomstick I think you mean he's pushing you out. That’s his own intelligence saying that there’s something that’s not working for me here. So I would advise you to switch up the way you support him, that you support him by supporting yourself. Even if he left, if you're still doing your counsellor and support thing the next guy you’re going to attract is someone like him. Thanks for taking your time with me, and asking such great, intelligent and important questions to help you move things forward. Have a great day! Big respect, Jayson Gaddis

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