Thrive+-+Materials+Compiled+and+Prepared+By+Prasanna+Ranganathan

8/10/2019 Thrive+-+Materials+Compiled+and+Prepared+By+Prasanna+Ranganathan

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Discussion Questions, Book Notes,

Super Soul Sunday EpisodeNotes, and The

Art of Thriving Master ClassNotes

Materials Compiled/Summarized by Prasanna Ranganathan / @pranganathan / [email protected] / (613) 868-6208


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Table of Contents

Discussion QuestionsBook Club Tweet Club on Thrive by Arianna Huffington ........................................ 3

Book Notes: Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-Being, Wisdom,

and Wonder by Arianna Huffington .............................................................................................................. 4

Super Soul SundayOprah Winfrey Interviews Arianna HuffingtonEpisode Notes............................... 25

The Art of Thriving Master Class with Arianna Huffington and Panache DesaiClass Notes ................... 32


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Discussion QuestionsBook Club Tweet Club on Thrive by Arianna Huffington

Book being discussed: Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of

Well-Being, Wisdom, and Wonder

Author: Arianna Huffington (@ariannahuff)

Hashtag: #Thrive / #HowIThrive

_________________________________________________________________________________

Proposed Format for the Discussions

Welcome and Introductions, Book Giveaways (if any), Introduce the topic and author

Questions (for selection) to ask readers on Twitter/Facebook during the Thrivebook club discussion:

1)

What is your favorite lesson from the book?

2)

What questions did this book raise in your mind?

3)

The book starts off with the question: What is a good life? How would you have answered this

question before Thrive? After Thrive?4)

How did you define success before reading Thrive? How about now?

5)

What statistic, tool, or part of Thrive did you find most surprising?

6)

What would you want people to say about you & your life after youre gone?

7)

Do you meditate? Whats your practice? Has it changed your life? If so, how?

8)

Has Thrive made you think differently about sleep? If so, how?

9)

How do you practice gratitude in your own life?

10)

How do you move from struggle to grace in your life? What tools do you use?

11)

The iParadox demonstrates that our smartphones are not making us smarter. How has the

iParadox shown up in your life?

12)

When is the last time you felt in the midst of a time-famine? Time affluence? How did both

make you feel?13)

What do you pay attention to in your life?

14)

Did the concept of the obnoxious roommate in your head resonate with you? Do you hear that

voice? How do you evict it?

15)

Has Thrive changed how you will respond to adversity? If so, how?

16)

Has a piece of art, music, film, theater filled you with wonder? What was it? Share it with us.

17)

Have you viewed death differently since reading Thrive? Has it inspired you in any way?

18)

Has Thrivemade you think differently about service and giving? If so, how?

19)

What opportunity for service or giving did you notice today? Since reading Thrive?

20)

How has Thrivemade you think about your relationship with technology?

21)

What are your favorite quotes from this book?

22)

Have you asked other people to read the book? Have they? What has been their reaction?

23)

Has this book affected how you will move forward in the world? If so, how?

#HowIThrive

24)

How do you thrive? Share with us using the hashtag: #HowIThrive

25)

Share photos, videos, and songs that show how you thrive. #HowIThrive


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Book Notes: Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a Life of Well-

Being, Wisdom, and Wonder by Arianna Huffington1

Introduction

Key Question: What is a good life? (3) Over time our societys notion of success has been reduced to money and power. In

fact, at this point, success, money and power have practically become synonymous in

the minds of many. (3)

This idea of success can workor at least appear to workin the short term. But over

the long term, money and power by themselves are like a two-legged stoolyou can

balance on them for a while, but eventually youre going to topple over. (3)

The way weve defined success is not enough. (3)

To live the lives we want and truly deserve, and not just the lives we settle for, we need

a Third Metric, a third measure of success that goes beyond the two metrics of money

and power, and consists of four pillars: well-being, wisdom, wonder and giving. (4) If we dont redefine what success is, the price we pay in terms of our health and well-

being will continue to rise. (4)

People who were genuinely thriving in their lives were the ones who had made room for

well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving. (4)

We are entering a new era. How we measure success is changing. (4)

The Western workplace culture exported to many other parts of the world is practically

fueled by stress, sleep deprivation, and burnout. (5)

Even as stress undermines our health, the sleep deprivation so many of us experience in

striving to get ahead at work is profoundly and negatively affecting our creativity, our

productivity, and our decision making. (5)

In the new definition of success, building and looking after our financial capital is not

enough. We need to do everything we can to protect and nurture our human capital.

(6)

You are your most important capital. (6)

There are only so many withdrawals you can make from your health bank account, but

you just keep on withdrawing. You could go bankrupt if you dont make some deposits

soon. (7)

When we include our own well-being in our definition of success, another thing that

changes is our relationship with time (7)

There is even a term now for our stressed-out sense that theres never enough time for

what we want to dotime famine (7).

And when were living a life of perpetual time famine, we rob ourselves of our ability to

experience another key element of the Third Metric: wonder, our sense of delight in the

mysteries of the universe, as well as the everyday occurrences and small miracles that

fill our lives. (7)

1Please NOTE: Page numbers for where to find the quotes in Thriveare indicated in the brackets beside each line.


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Darling, just change the channel. You are in control of the clicker. Dont replay the

bad, scary movie. Arianna Huffingtons mother Elli (7)

Im convinced of two fundamental truths about human beings. The first is that we all

have within us a centered place of wisdom, harmony and strength. The second truth is

that were all going to veer away from that place again and again and again. Thats the

nature of life. (8) You cant connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking

backwards. Steve Jobs (9)

The function of leadership is to be able to see the iceberg before it hits the Titanic. (10)

There is plenty of scientific data that shows unequivocally that empathy and service

increase our own well-being. (10)

If youre lucky, you have a final straw moment before its too late. (10)

Eulogies are in fact very Third Metric. (15)

A eulogy is often the first formal marking down of what our lives were aboutthe

foundational document of our legacy. (15)

Eulogies arent resumes. They describe the persons care, wisdom, truthfulness andcourage. They describe the million little moral judgments that emanate from that inner

region. David Brooks (16)

We shouldnt wait until death is imminent to begin prioritizing the things that matter.

(18)

A life that embraces the Third Metric is one lived in a way thats mindful of our eventual

eulogy. (18)

This book is about the lessons Ive learned and my efforts to embody the Third Metric

principlesa process I plan to be engaged in for the rest of my life. (19)

These three threads (personal lessons, scientific data and daily practices/tools) are

pulled together by one overarching goal: to reconnect with ourselves, our loved ones,and our communityin a word, to thrive. (20)

Well-Being

A New Blueprint: Time to Renovate the Architecture of Our Lives

Nothing succeeds like excess, we are told. If a little of something is good, more must be

better. The time has come to re-examine these assumptions. When we do, it becomes

clear that the price we are paying for this way of thinking and living is far too high and

unsustainable. (22)

The architecture of how we live our lives is badly in need of renovation and repair.

What we really value is out of sync with how we live our lives. And the need is urgent

for blueprints to reconcile the two. (22)

Our current notion of success, in which we drive ourselves into the ground, if not the

gravein which working to the point of exhaustion and burnout is considered a badge

of honorwas put in place by men, in a workplace culture dominated by men. (23)


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But its a model of success thats not working for women, and, really, its not workingfor

men, either. (24)

If were going to redefine what success means, if we are going to include a Third Metric

to success, beyond money and power, its going to be women who will lead the way.

(23)

Women are paying an even higher price than men for their participation in a workculture fueled by stress, sleep deprivation and burnout. (24)

One idea is to expand the project-based worldwhere businesses simply give a skilled

worker a project and a deadline. (27)

Burnout: Our Civilizations Disease

Belgian philosopher Pascal Chabot calls burnout civilizations disease. Its certainly

symptomatic of our modern age. (28)

Another result of our current toxic definition of success is an epidemic of addiction. (29)

Burnout, stress, and depression have become worldwide epidemics. (30) The need to redefine success is a global need. (30)

All of our small anxieties and trivial preoccupations evaporate with the sudden

recognition of what really matters. (33)

We are reminded of the impermanence of much that we assume is forever and the

value of so much we take for granted. (33)

Again and again, all around the world, it often takes a personal health crisis to get us to

pay attention. (33-4)

Healthy Employees, Healthy Bottom Lines

There is growing evidence that the long-term health of a companys bottom line and the

health of its employees are, in fact, very much aligned, and that when we treat them as

separate, we pay a heavy price, both personally and collectively. (35)

Treat people like family, and they will be loyal and give their all. Howard Schultz

(Starbucks CEO) (36)

Too many companies dont yet realize the benefits of focusing on wellness. (36)

A living being is constantly repairing itself against all of these different insults at a very

molecular level, at a cellular level, at an emotional level. So disease happens when the

repair process is not keeping up with the damage process. (38)

Meditation: Its Not Just for Enlightenment Anymore

One of the bestand most easily availableways we can become healthier and happier

is through mindfulness and meditation. (38)

Every element of well-being is enhanced by the practice of meditation, and indeed,

studies have shown that mindfulness and meditation have a measurable positive impact

on the other three pillars of the Third Metricwisdom, wonder, and giving. (38)


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When we hear the word mindfulness, we have to inwardly also hear heartfulness in

order to grasp it even as a concept, and especially as a way of being. Jon Kabat-Zinn

(38-9)

When they work together, the heart leading through empathy, the mind guiding us with

focus and attention, we become a harmonious human being. (39)

Through mindfulness, I found a practice that helped bring me fully present and in themoment, even in the most hectic of circumstances. (39)

The only thing to do in meditation is nothing. (40)

Our breath also has a sacredness about it. (41)

Meditation and mindfulness training profoundly affect every aspect of our livesour

bodies, our minds, our physical health, and our emotional and spiritual well-being. (42)

Happiness is a way of being that gives you the resources to deal with the ups and

downs of life that pervades all the emotional states including sadness. Mathieu

Ricard (45)

Meditation can also have profound effects on a host of other psychological conditions.

(45) Meditation may be a wonderful drug, but it does need to be regularly refilled. To get all

these benefits, we need to make it a part of our everyday lives. (46)

Happiness and well-being are not just magical traits that some are blessed with and

others not. (46)

While meditation may be a solitary activity that involves a certain inward focus, it also

increases our ability to connect with others, actually making us more compassionate.

(46)

No longer is meditation seen as some sort of New Age escape from the world. Its

increasingly seen for what it is: a practice that helps us be in the world in a way that is

more productive, more engaged, healthier, and less stressful. (48) Meditation gathers me up for the day and makes me feel organized and happy and

capable of facing the challenges of the world, both internal and external. Lena

Dunham (49)

No matter what tradition you follow or if you follow no tradition there is some form of

meditation and mindfulness that can be integrated into your life. (52)

Why Gazelles Are My Role Models

Increasingly, companies are realizing that their employees health is one of the most

important predictors of the companys health, as well. (55)

Mindfulness is about training our minds to be more focused, to see with clarity, to have

spaciousness for creativity and to feel connected. Janice Marturano (56)

One of the primary obstacles keeping many businesses from adopting more sane and

sustainable metrics of success is the stubborn and dangerously wrongheaded myth that

there is a trade-off between high performance at work and taking care of ourselves.

This couldnt be less true. (57)


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LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner coined the term managing compassionately. Managing

compassionately includes practicing and expecting transparent communications, and

practicing walking in someone elses shoes. (59)

What matters is that we find a way, any way, to recharge and renew ourselves. (61)

My screensaver is a picture of gazelles. They are my role models. They run and flee

when there is a dangera leopard or a lion approachingbut as soon as the dangerpasses, they stop and go back to grazing peacefully without a care in the world. (61)

We need to liberate ourselves from the tyranny of our fight-or-flight mechanism. (61)

Under our current definition of success, a chronic state of fight-or-flight is a feature, not

a bug. (61)

Overconnectivity: The Snake in Our Digital Garden of Eden

Unfortunately, the ever-increasing creep of technology into our lives, our families, our

bedrooms, our brains makes it much harder to renew ourselves. (62)

But the connection that comes from technology is often an unfulfilling, ersatz version ofconnection. (62)

Our relationship with email has become increasingly one-sided. We try to empty our

inboxes, bailing like people in a leaky lifeboat, but more and more of it keeps pouring in.

(63)

Disrupting your bodys breathing pattern can knock your bodys balance of oxygen, nitric

oxide and carbon dioxide out of whack, which can, in turn, play a part in exacerbating

stress-related conditions. (64)

The simplest tool for avoiding email apnea? To observe your breathing as you deal with

your emailsto pull yourself out of automatic pilot. (64)

The problem is that with smartphones, email is no longer confined to the office. (64) Paradoxically, one of the biggest growth sectors for tools to help us deal with

technology is technology. (66)

Going offline can often become harder and harder as you advance up the career ladder.

Increased power also brings with it the danger of losing the very qualities that are most

essential to leadership. (E.g. increased power lowers executives ability to be empathic).

(67)

Another study on leadership and perspective found that power makes us proneto

dismiss or misunderstand others viewpoints. (67)

Any tool that can increase our self-awareness and ability to listen and be in the moment

is invaluable. (67)

Secure Your Own Mask First

Not only is there no trade-off between living a well-rounded life and high performance,

performance is actually improved when our life becomes more balanced. (68)

Our current toxic definition of success and our addiction to our devices is having a

particularly negative impact on the next generation. (71)


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Generation Y otherwise known as the millennials, could be given a third, more alarming,

name: generation stress. (71)

Stress, as weve seen, is a huge contributing factor in heart disease, diabetes, and

obesity. (72)

Not surprisingly, one of the biggest causes of stress among younger Americans is work.

(72) Whatever your entry point istake it. Right now you may just want to be better at your

job, or help your company become more successful, and thats the reason you start

meditating, or practicing mindfulness, or sleeping more. But along the way you will

likely also gain some added perspective on what matters in your life. (78)

Paying greater attention to our well-beingfor whatever reasonconnects us with

parts of ourselves that now lie dormant and makes it more likely that there will no

longer be any split between being successful at work and thriving in life. (78)

Sleep Your Way to the Top

The most basic shift we can make in redefining success in our lives has to do with our

strained relationship to sleep. (74)

Theres practically no element of our lives thats not improved by getting adequate

sleep. (74)

Our creativity, ingenuity, confidence, leadership, and decision making can all be

enhanced simply by getting enough sleep. (75)

Like meditation, our sleep patterns can have a physical effect on our brain. (76)

Poor sleepers are seven times more likely to feel helpless and five times more likely to

feel alone. Great British Sleep Survey (76)

We desperately need to purge our lives of the poison of what Anne-Marie Slaughtercalled time macho. She described it as our relentless competition to work harder, stay

later, pull more all-nighters, travel around the world and bill the extra hours that the

International Date Line affords you. (78)

Women are significantly more sleep-deprived than men. Dr. Michael Breus (78)

Rob yourself of sleep and youll find you do not function at your personal best. (79)

By sleeping more we, in fact, become more competent and in control of our lives. (80)

Many of us know that regular exercise helps us sleep better, but what I discovered is

that its a two-way street. Regular sleep also helps us exercise better. (82)

But like a flight or train, our sleep should be thought of as the fixed point in our day, and

everything else should be adjusted as needed so we dont miss it. (83)

Going public about your decision to get more sleep can be one way to make that

commitment stick. (84)

One result of getting moreand bettersleep has been an increase in the intensity of

my dreams. (84)

Reconnecting with my dreams has been like reuniting with an old flame. (84)

A side benefit of remembering your dreams is that it is a great opportunity to connect

even more deeply with the people closest to you. (85)


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Remembering our dreams is a way to knock on our inner door and find deeper insights

and self-awareness. (86)

For the last week of December, we all pledged to swear off TV, social media, and email

so we could truly connect with our loved ones and ourselves. (87)

Lessons from the Sports Page: The Ultimate Performance-Enhancing Drugs

The fundamental flaw at the heart of our misguided definition of success is the belief

that overworking is the route to high performance and exceptional results. (88)

The most effective way to operate at work is like a sprinter, working with single-minded

focus for periods of no longer than 90 minutes, and then taking a break. (93)

Walk This Way

When I was living in Los Angeles, I discovered that I came up with many of my best ideas

while I was hiking. (94) If youve got to talk to someone in person, why not do it while walking? (The Walk-The-

Talk method) (94)

One of my favorite phrases is solvitur ambulandoIt is solved by walking. (94)

In our culture of overwork, burnout, and exhaustion, how do we tap into our creativity,

our wisdom, our capacity for wonder? Solvitur ambulando. (94)

For as long as I can remember, walking has frequently led to solutions to whatever

preoccupied me. (95)

Over the years, I came to realize that a journey that is full of adventure and discovery

doesnt have to involve planes and cars and passports. The benefits of a journey are

available simply by walking. (96)

Scientific studies increasingly show the psychological benefits of walking and other

forms of exercise. (96)

It turns out that sitting is as bad for us as walking is good for us. (98)

Walking is one of the ways we move through our world; language and writing are how

we articulate that experience. (100)

To fully experience the world around us, we first have to be able to free ourselves from

the distractions that are constantly begging for our attention. (100)

Forcing our brains to process in a new environment can help us to engage more fully.

(102)

So, please, walk. It makes us healthier, it enhances cognitive performance, from

creativity to planning and scheduling, and it helps us to reconnect with our

environment, ourselves, and those around us. (102)

(Furry) Friends with (Different) Benefits

There are many different ways of inserting Third Metric values into our lives.

Meditation, long walks, exercise, yoga, reconnecting with family and friends, and


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making sure to unplug, recharge, and get enough sleepall will increase some aspect of

our well-being and sense of fulfillment. Another way is by being close to animals. (102)

A purpose of life is to expand the boundaries of our love, to widen the circle of our

concern, to open up rather than shut down, and to expand rather than contract. (102)

Like spouses and close friends, pets can become included in the self, the core of our

being that forms our perspective. Pets offer an unconditional love that can be very helpful to people with depression.

Ian Cook, Psychiatrist and Director, UCSLA Depression Research and Clinic Program

Studies have found that pet owners have lower blood pressure, a reduced risk of heart

disease, and lower levels of stress. (104)

Animals help us be better humans. Quite often, they show us how to be our best selves.

(105)

Pets are the unrivaled masters of giving back. The pleasure they take in giving

themselves to us is perhaps their greatest lesson. (107)

Pets help us constantly come back to what makes us human. Theyre a furry version of

our best selves. (107)

Beyond Economic Indicators: A True Happiness Index

Though it may be difficult to measure, the idea that happiness should be part of our

national dialogue and purpose is not new. (107)

The idea of measuring our well-being is gaining ground. (109)

In fact, the idea of measuring our well-being is so widespread that last year The

Economistdeclared that the happiness industry was one of the more surprising

industries to have taken off during the current period of economic downturn. (109)

I completely support any effort to show that were more than just our marginalcontribution to our bank accounts, the bottom line of our employers, or the gross

national product of our countries. (109)

It is significant that so many leaders finally recognize that the well-being of their citizens

depends on more than just a countrys quarterly growth rate(as important as that is),

especially if this leads to policy changesfrom job creation to family leavethat reduce

stress and improve well-being. (111)

Summary of Well-Being Practical Tools

Start by getting just 30 minutes more sleep than you are getting now. (111)

Move your body: walk, run, stretch, do yoga, dance. (111)

Introduce 5 minutes of meditation into your day. Eventually you can build up to 15 or

20 minutes a day or more. (111)

o Choose a reasonably quiet space to being your practice and a time when you will

not be interrupted (112)

o Relax your body (112)


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o Let your breathing be full, bring your attention to the air coming into your

nostrils, filling up your abdomen, and then releasing (112)

o When thoughts come in, simply observe them and gently nudge your attention

back to the breath. (112)

o Some people find it helpful to have a special or sacred word or phrase that they

use to bring their awareness back to the breath. (112)o It is really important not to make your meditation practice one more thing you

stress about. (113)

Wisdom

Life as a Classroom

Wisdom is precisely what is missing whenwe press the same levers again and again

even though there is no longer any real reward. (117)

Wisdom is about recognizing what were really seeking: connection and love. (117) In order to find them (connection and love), we need to drop our relentless pursuit of

success as society defines it for something more genuine, more meaningful, and more

fulfilling. (117)

When we re-examine what we really want, we realize that everything that happens in

our livesever misfortune, every slight, every loss, and also every joy, every surprise,

every happy accidentis a teacher, and life is a giant classroom. (118)

There is nothing more draining than holding grudges. (119)

There is nothing that we need more today than having proportion restored to

disproportion, and separating our everyday worries and preoccupations from what is

truly important. (121)

When we have learned to sit quietly in a room alone, we can maintain that inner

connection that allows life to proceed from the inside out, whether we are alone or in a

crowd of screaming people. (122)

We all have within us the ability to move from struggle to grace, whatever the

challenges we encounter. (123)

Learning to be vulnerable without shame and accepting our emotions without judgment

becomes much easier when we realize that we are more than our emotions, our

thoughts, our fears, and our personalities. (125)

The stronger the realization, the easier it becomes to move from struggle to grace. (125)

Moving from struggle to grace sums up, as well, the experience of childbirthgoing

from a body racked with pain to the miracle of birth (125) In our daily lives, moving from struggle to grace requires practice and commitment. But

its in our hands. (126)

Ive come to believe that living in a state of gratitude is the gateway to grace. (126)

Gratitude has always been for me one of the most powerful emotions. (126)

Gratitude exercises have been proven to have tangible benefits. (127)


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Women know that we do not carry our unborn babies only in our wombs. We carry

them in our dreams and in our souls and in our every cell. (128)

We are not on this earth to accumulate victories, or trophies, or experiences, or even to

avoid failures, but to be whittled and sandpapered down until whats left is who we

truly are. (128)

This is the only way we can find purpose in pain and loss, and the only way to keepreturning to gratitude and grace. (128)

Gratitude works its magic by serving as an antidote to negative emotions. (130)

The Power of the Hunch: When Your Inner Voice Speaks, Shut Up and Listen

One big indicator of the absence of wisdom is our failure to heed warning signs. (130)

One big source of wisdom is intuition, our inner knowing. Weve all experienced it as a

hunch, an inkling, our inner voice telling us to do something or not to do something. We

hear the message, and it feels right, even if we cant explain why. (131)

Feeding and nurturing our intuition, and living a life in which we can make use of itswisdom, is one key way to thrive, at work and in life. (131)

Science has confirmed how important intuition is in the way we make decisions. (132)

We all know we have access to intuition if we nourish it and listen to it. (134)

We know that our intuition can be more accurate than trying to bear down on a

problem with cold, hard logic. (134)

Sometimes what your intuitive response signals is that you need more information. But

our modern, hyperconnected world throws up roadblock after roadblock between us

and our intuition. (135)

For me, the easiest way to lose touch with my intuition is to be sleep deprived. (136)

Meditation, yoga, and mindfulness can help us to still the noise of the world so we canlisten to our inner voice. (136)

Intuition is about connectionsbut connections that arent obvious and that cant be

reasoned into existence. (137)

Our intuition connects us both to our inner selves and to something larger beyond

ourselves and our lives. (137)

Our intuition is like a tuning fork that keeps us in harmonyif we learn to listen. (137)

iParadox: Your Smartphone Isnt Making You Wiser

One of the things that makes it harder and harder to connect with our wisdom is our

increasing dependence on technology. (139)

Mindfulness cultivates our ability to do things knowing that were doing them. (140)

The quest for knowledge may be pursued at higher speeds with smarter tools today, but

wisdom is found no more readily than it was three thousand years ago in the court of

King Solomon. (140)

Ours is a generation bloated with information and starved for wisdom. (140)


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Big Data, unfettered information, the ability to be in constant contact, and our growing

reliance on technology are all conspiring to create a noisy traffic jam between us and

our place of insight and peace. (142)

Call it an iParadox: Our smartphones are actually blocking our path to wisdom. (142)

Hurry Sickness and Time Famine

Mastering the art of slowing down doesnt happen quickly. Learning the wisdom of

slowing down, of truly living, is itself a journey. But it is also a prescription for better

health. (144)

Research published in the Harvard Business Reviewshows that speed adversely affects

creativity and work. (144)

Our culture is obsessed with time. It is our personal deficit crisis. We always think

were saving time, and yet we never feel like we have enough of it. (145)

In order to manage timeor what we delude ourselves into thinking of as managing

timewe rigidly schedule ourselves, rushing from meeting to meeting, event to event,constantly trying to save a bit of time here, a bit there. (145)

Our computers, our movies, our sex lives, our prayers they all run faster now than

ever before. And the more we fill our lives with time-saving devices and time-saving

strategies, the more rushed we feel. James Gleick, Faster: The Acceleration of Just

About Everything(145)

o Harvard professor Leslie Perlow has given this feeling a name: time famine.

(145)

On the flip side, the feeling of having enough time, or even surplus time, is called time

affluence. (146)

Just as money cant buy happiness, neither can it buy time affluence. (147)

When it comes to winning the war on time famine, we are our own worst enemies. To

win the war, first we have to declare that we want to change. (148)

And while time affluence isnt inherited, its clear that were doing a pretty good job of

passing our self-destructive relationship with time on to our children. (148)

So what can we do to fight back against hurry sickness?You can walkdont run to

join the slow movement. (149)

The Slow Food movement was launched in Italy in 1989.And now the slow movement

has widened to include slow travel, slow living, slow sex, slow parenting, slow science,

slow gardening, slow cities, and no, slow thinking. (150)

Gaining a sense of time affluence can help lead us to both greater well-being and deeper

wisdom. (151)

Going viral has gone viral, and is taken to be a big sign of success independently of the

value of the thing going viral. (152)

Our media culture is locked in the Perpetual Now, constantly chasing ephemeral scoops

that last only seconds and that most often dont matter or have any impact in the first

place. (152)

We treat virality as a good in and of itself, moving forward for the sake of moving. (153)


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As we adopt new and better ways to help people communicate, it is important to ask

what is being communicated. (154)

Social media are a means, not an end. Going viral isnt mission accomplished. (154)

Fetishizing social hasbecome a major distraction. And we love to be distracted. I

believe our job in the media is to use the social tools at our disposal to tell the stories

that matteras well as the stories that entertainand to keep reminding ourselvesthat the tools are not the story. (154)

Our times demand a better response. These new social tools can help us bear witness

more powerfullyor they can help us be distracted more obsessively. (154)

Our attention is the fuel that drives our lives. (155)

Evicting the Obnoxious Roommate in Your Head

Even our worst enemies dont talk about us the way we talk to ourselves. I call this voice

the obnoxious roommate living in our head. It feeds on putting us down and

strengthening our insecurities and doubts. (155-6) I have spent many years trying to evict my obnoxious roommate and have now

managed to relegate her to only occasional guest appearances in my head. (156)

Educating our obnoxious roommate requires redefining success and what it means to

live a life that matters, which will be different for each of us, according to our own

values and goals (and not those imposed upon us by society). (157)

Humor helps in dealing with that constant inner critic. (157)

Dont let your constant critic filibuster your dreams. (157)

Breaking Bad Habits: What We Can Learn from Minotaurs, Seat Belts, and the Stoics

As we are liberating ourselves, building new habits, and slaying our old habitsour own

Minotaursit is critical to find the thread that works for us. (158)

Habits are habits for a reason. Humans lead complex lives, and one of the traits weve

developed that has allowed us to be such productive creatures is the ability to make

many learned traits and responses an automatic part of our lives, buried so deeply in

the inner workings of our subconscious that they no longer require conscious thought.

(159)

Sacrifice is giving up with reverence and compassion what no longer works in order to

stay close to what is sacred. Mark Nepo (161)

We might think were in charge of our thoughts and behaviorcaptains of our ship,

turning the wheel this way and thatbut so often its actually our autopilot thats in

control. (161)

If were not able to reprogram our autopilot, all our protestations of wanting to change

will be as pointless as the little boy furiously turning the wheel on the cruise ship. (162)

Keystone habits start a process that over time transforms everything. Keystone habits

say that success doesnt depend on getting every single thing right, but instead relies on

identifying a few key priorities and fashion them into powerful levers. Duhigg (162)


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Dr. Judson Brewer of Yale has summed up the common signs of resource depletion in

the acronym HALT, which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. (162)

When the habits that lead to resource depletion are the very habits were incentivized

to cultivate, it makes for a tough environment for change. (163)

This is all the more reason its important to create a positive keystone habit, to gain

some leverage to take back our lives. (163) We dont have to wait until we move or change jobs to change our lives. Nor do we

have to wait for large-scale, upstream change. We can initiate change right now. There

are endless starting points. (164)

We have little power to choose what happens, but we have complete power over how

we respond. (165)

It all starts with setting the expectations that make it clear that no matter how much

hardship we encounterhow much pain and loss, dishonesty, ingratitude, unfairness,

and jealousywe can still choose peace and imperturbability. (165)

Much of the time, what is standing between us and satisfaction isus. (166)

Stoicism is not just a tool for staving off unhappiness when we dont get a much desired promotionit also teaches us to put that promotion and all our success in its

proper perspective. (166)

Youve got to make your heart bigger than the hole. You just have to make your

decisions out of love. And when we make the decisions out of fear, thats when we

have problems. David and Francine Wheeler (lost their 6-year old son in the Sandy

Hook Elementary School shootings in 2012)

As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I

didnt leave my bitterness and hatred behind, Id still be in prison.Nelson Mandela

(169)

Such equanimity and grace in the face of real suffering are in sharp contrast to the waywe often react to the trivial challenges we let disturb us. (169)

How we respond to adversity can make a huge difference to our health and to our lives.

(169)

By finding somethinganythingto enable us to keep the pathways of hope open and

a positive attitude alive, we can deal with loss, suffering, and tragedy bit by bit. (170)

Cultivating the ability to not be disturbed by our lives obstacles, disappointments, and

setbacks doesnt mean not trying to change what we can change. (171)

Summary of Wisdom Practical Tools

Listening to your inner wisdom, let go of something today that you no longer need

something that is draining your energy without benefitting you or anyone you love.

(171)

Start a gratitude list that you share with two or more friends who send theirs to you.

(171)

Have a specific time at night when you regularly turn off your devices. (171)


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And when you wake up in the morning, dont start your day by looking at your

smartphone. Take one minutetrust me, you do have one minuteto breathe deeply,

or be grateful, or set your intention for the day. (172)

Wonder

Blast-off on a Journey to Inner Space

Wonder is not just a product of what we seeof how beautiful or mysterious or

singular or incomprehensible something may be. Its just as much a product of our state

of mind, our being, the perspective from which we are looking at the world. (174)

Countless things in our daily lives can awaken the almost constant state of wonder we

knew as children. (175)

That sense of wonder is often stronger when its provoked by things ordinary and

unassumingour childrens faces, rain, a flower, a seashell. (175)

At the root of our secular age is the fatal error that has led us to regard organizedreligion and the spiritual truth that man embodies as one and the same thing. (176)

The impulse to know ourselveswhich, after all, is a key component of spiritual seeking

is as deeply imprinted within us as our instincts for survival, sex, and power. (176)

Einstein defined wonder as a precondition for life. (176)

Nature and art are two of the most fertile grounds for experiencing wonder. (178)

Museums and galleries remain among the few oases that can deliver what has become

increasingly rare in our world: the opportunity to disconnect from our hyperconnected

lives and experience the feeling of wonder. (179)

Every era has to reinvent the project of spirituality for itself. Susan Sontag in The

Aesthetics of Silence (179)

Fully giving our attention to anythingor anyoneis precisely what is becoming more

and more rare in our hyperconnected world, where there are so many stimuli

competing for our time and attention and where multitasking is king. (181)

To me, the key question is this: Does the technology deepen the experience, or does it

diminish it?2(183)

Its great to take advantage of new media tools to reach new audiences and provide

platforms for greater engagement with the arts. But we should not forget that while

technology will constantly change, the need to transcend ourselves through great art

never will. (184)

From a centered state of being, every encounter with an object, however ordinary, can

be an opportunity for transcendence. (184)

If we dont give our full attention to a deeper experience at a museum or exhibit, what

are the changes that well give it to a passing cloud, a tree, or a clay jug? (184)

2In reference to technology and social media in museums, but this has wider application as a lesson for many

areas in our lives.


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Of course, the visual arts are only one of arts voices. Music, sculpture, photography,

cinema, architecture, literature, drama, poetry, danceeach can ignite the deeper

truth, and awaken the sense of wonder that slumbers within us. (184)

Along with music and the visual arts, another art form that often offers a direct road

map to our inner lives is storytelling. (187)

Humans are hardwired for narrative; we may be the only creatures who see our ownlives as part of a larger narrative. (187)

When we disconnect from our inner selves and identify exclusively with our ego, thats

when we lose our connection with lifes meaning and purpose and are left facing a void

that we try to fill with more money, more sex, more power, more fame. (188)

When the ego separates itself from the self, the end is always frustration and

destruction. (188)

We can use the power of story, and our primal need for it, to redefine our own

narrative. (188)

Were all on a journey, a voyage, a quest to slay the monster, free the princess and

return home. (188) Too often the goals we seekthose that the conventional notions of success tell us we

should be seekingtake us down dead ends, searching for the meaning of our lives in

all the wrong places. (188)

Mindfulness helps us become aware of our own story. (188)

Hello, Silence, My Old Friend

The silence in our lives is under assault on all fronts. (188)

We are wired, plugged in, constantly catered to, and increasingly terrified of silence.

(188) We drown out the big but simple questions of life with the simplistic sound bites of our

500-channel-and-nothing-on universe. (188)

I allowed some silence into my day, in which I could hear that still, small voice that we

rarely give our time attention to. I lost nothing, but gained a lot. And then I got better

at listening to others. (189)

Holidays were traditionally intended as a time to recharge ourselves spiritually as well as

physicallyto make ourselves slow down, tap into our inborn but suppressed ability to

wonder, and to make us recognize the breadth and bounty in our lives. (190)

Whether Im on a visit to a monastery in Greece or an elaborately planned staycation.,

the essential element is to regain that sense of wonder. It means disconnecting from

the outside world and setting outfor however short a timeon an inner journey.

(193)

We need to take the time to wonder at the world around us, feel gratitude for the good

in our lives, and overcome our natural bias toward focusing on the negative. (194)


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Coincidences: Lifes Secret Door to Wonder

Our pathway to awakening wonder in our lives is the serendipity of coincidence. (194)

Coincidences, however prosaic, elicit our curiosity about the nature of the universe and

all that we dont yet know or understand. (194)

There is something about coincidences that delights us. (194) Whatever your spiritual beliefs, whether you believe in something larger than yourself

in the universe or not, we all love coincidences. (195)

Coincidences are kind of like shortcuts to very big questions about fate, about God,

even to people who dont believe in either one. Sarah Koenig, producer of This

American Life

Ive always had a deep of love of the mysteries of coincidence and how they can give us

tiny glimpses of the structure of the universeor even a glimpse into the fact that

theres a structure at all.(197)

Not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without God knowing it. Bible verse from

Matthew (197) Research has shown that our willingness to let ourselves experience the wonder of

coincidence really does say something about us. (199)

But if coincidences are a sign that there is meaning and design in the universe, there are

consequences for how we live our lives. Because if there is meaning in the universe,

there is meaning in our daily lives and the choices we make. (202)

Assign all the significance you want! And use the significance as an entry point for living

a Third Metric life. (202)

Maintaining a childlike sense of awe and curiosity is part of the fun and intense mystery

of being alive. (202)

Coincidences connect us across time, to one another, to ourselves, and to an invisibleorder in the universe. (202)

We cant choose where or when they [coincidences] grace us with their presences, but

we can choose to be open to their power. (202)

Memento Mori

No matter how good and fulfilling a life we have, no matter how successful we are at

filling our lives with well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving, at some point our life is

going to end. (202)

And no matter what we believe happens after we die, whether our souls live on,

whether we go to heaven or hell, whether were reincarnated or folded back into the

energy of the universe or simply cease to exist altogether, our physical existence and

our lives as we know them will end. (203)

Whether death is final or simply a transition to something else, its definitely a stopping

point. It might not be the end of the story, but its definitely the end of a chapter. (203)

Death is one absolutely universal thing we all have in common. Its the ultimate

equalizer. (203)


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The closer death comes, the deeper we bury it, desperately putting machines and tubes

and alarms and railings between us and the person stepping over to the other side of

the mortality line. (203)

The medical machinery has the effect of making the personthe patientseem less

human, and therefore his or her fate less relevant to us, the lucky and alive. (203)

There may be no single thing that can teach us more about life than death. (204) If we want to redefine what it means to live a successful life, we need to integrate into

our daily lives the certainty of our death. (204)

Death is the sine qua non of life. As soon as were born, were also dying. The fact that

our time is limited is what makes it so precious. (204)

Even if we stubbornly refuse to allow death to influence our lives, our lives with

definitely influence our death. (209)

That sense that theres something bigger than the world we live in dramatically changes

our priorities about what is truly important in life. (211)

To be able to incorporate the clock-resetting, course-correcting, empathy-building,

perspective-giving power of death in our lives, we need to be in shape for it, much theway those who are in shape can experience profound pleasure from running a

marathon. (216)

But whether we believe theres something after this life or not, death has much to teach

us about redefining how we live this one earthly life, however long. (217)

Summary of Wonder Practical Tools

Focus on the rising and falling of your breath for ten seconds whenever you feel tense,

rushed, or distracted. This allows you to become fully present in your life. (221)

Pick an image that ignites joy in you.And any time you feel contracted, go to it to helpyou expand. (221)

Forgive yourself for any judgments you are holding against yourself and then forgive

your judgments of others. (If Nelson Mandela can do it, you can, too.) Then look at your

life and the day ahead with newness and wonder. (221)

Giving

Widening the Boundaries of Our Caring: What Are We Going to Do This Weekend?

Well-being, wisdom, wonder: All are critical to redefining success and thriving, but they

are incomplete without the fourth element of the Third Metric: giving. (224)

Giving, loving, caring, empathy and compassion, going beyond ourselves and stepping

out of our comfort zones to help serve othersthis is the only viable answer to the

multitude of problems the world is facing. (224)

If well-being, wisdom, and wonder are our response to a personal wake-up call, service

naturally follows as the response to the wake-up call for humanity. (224)


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Go-Getters are Good; Go-Givers Are Better

Imagine how our culture, how our lives, will change when we begin valuing go-givers as

much as we value go-getters. (235)

Social entrepreneurs are classic go-givers. They build their work on a foundation of

adding value to peoples lives. (235) Philosophers have long known that our well-being is deeply connected to our

compassion and giving. (236)

In practically every religious tradition and practice, giving of oneself is a key step on the

path to spiritual fulfillment. (237)

Only a life lived for others is the life worth while. Albert Einstein (237)

We can never completely eliminate stress from our lives. But nurturing our natural

empathy is a great way to reduce it and protect ourselves from its effects. (238)

Giving is a miracle drug (with no side effects) for health and well-being. (239)

Were so wired to give that our genes reward us for giving and punish us when we

dont. (239)

Science Proves: Love Grows Brains

The effects of giving as we age are especially dramatic. (240)

Givers also end up getting ahead at work. (242)

CEOs who are givers identify their companies goals as going beyond short-term

profits. (242)

Parents are constantly thinking about how to help their children succeed in life, earn a

good salary, advance in their profession, or simply be happy. But its just as important

to pass down a rich capacity for compassion, especially if we really want them to behappy. (243)

Its never too late to transcend our childhoods. Any entry point of giving and service can

lead to benefits for our well-being and for our community. (244)

Compassion and giving dont have to involve getting on a plane to build houses or teach

school in a remote part of the world. It may involve helping people across town. Or

helping your neighbors. And it doesnt just mean giving money. (245)

Press 1 to Donate: Technology Meets Philanthropy

Todays technology has leveled the giving playing field. (245)

Giving can be as simple as giving joy to otherssharing our talents and skills to help

them tap into their own ability to experience wonder. (246)

We tend to identify creativity with artists and inventors, but, in fact, creativity is in each

and every one of us. (247)

We are too quick to censor or judge our natural creative impulses as not being good

enough. But we need to give ourselves permission to follow what makes us feel most

alive. (247)


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Technology has made it possible for us to live in a self-contained, disconnected bubble

24 hours a day, even while walking down the street listening to music on our

smartphones. (250)

Our devices might seem like theyre connecting us, and they do to a degree, but theyre

also disconnecting us from the world around us. And without being connected to the

people we encounter, its hard to activate our hardwired instincts for empathy. (250) Theres a hunger in the world to serve. And the millennials are leading the way in large

numbers. (253)

Yaya Lessons in Giving: Its Not a Trade, Darling, Its an Offering

Its not a trade, darling, its an offering. Elli, Arianna Huffingtons mother (254)

We mostly focus on the good giving does for othersthe good it does for our

community. But just as profound is what it does for us. (255)

Because it is really true that while we grow physically by what we get, we grow

spiritually by what we give. (255)

The Fire Gets in the Poker, Too

We have come to realizepartly due to the growing price we have been paying and

partly due to new scientific findingsthat there are other dimensions to living a truly

successful life. And these dimensions, the four pillars of the Third Metric, impact

everything we do and everything we are, from our health to our happiness. (258)

The destiny of humanity depends on something as intimate and personal as the shape

of our individual livesthe way each one of us chooses to live, think, act, and give. (258)

Transforming our narcissistic habits and awakening our giving naturewhich is what

both the world and we ourselves needis the work of a lifetime. (258)

Summary of Giving Practical Tools

Make small gestures of kindness and giving a habit, and pay attention to how this affects

your mind, your emotions, and your body. (258)

During your day make a personal connection with people you might normally tend to

pass by and take for granted.... See how this helps you feel more alive and reconnected

to the moment. (258)

Use a skill or talent you havecooking, accounting, decoratingto help someone who

could benefit from it. Itll jumpstart your transition from a go-getter to a go-giver, andreconnect you to the world and to the natural abundance in your own life. (258)


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Epilogue

My goal is for this book to chart another way forwarda way available to all of us right

now, wherever we find ourselves. A way based on the timeless truth that life is shaped

from the inside outa truth that has been celebrated by spiritual teachers, poets, and

philosophers throughout the ages, and has now been validated by modern science.(260)

Theres a collective longing to stop living in the shallows, to stop hurting our health and

our relationships by striving so relentlessly after success as the world defines itand

instead tap into the riches, joy and amazing possibilities that our lives embody. (260)

It doesnt matter what your entry point is or what form your wake-up call takes.

Whatever your entry point isembrace it. (260)

Remember that while the world provides plenty of insistent, flashing, high-volume

signals directing us to make more money and climb higher up the ladder, there are

almost no worldly signals reminding us to stay connected to the essence of who we are,

to take care of ourselves along the way, to reach out to others, to pause to wonder, andto connect to that place from which everything is possible. (261)

So find your place to standyour place of wisdom and peace and strength. And from

that place, remake the world in your own image, according to your own definition of

success, so that all of uswomen and mencan thrive and live our lives with more

grace, more joy, more compassion, more gratitude, and yes, more love. (261)

Appendix A: The No Distraction Dozen: 12 Tools, Apps, and Resources to Help You Stay

Focused (263)

Anti-Social, Nanny, Controlled Multi-Tab Browsing, Siesta Text and BRB, Self Control,

RescueTime, Freedom, Time Out, Concentrate, Digital Detox App, Isolator, Higby

Appendix B:Transcendent Tool Box: 12 Tools, Apps, and Resources for Meditation and

Mindfulness (269)

Headspace, Mark Williamss Mindfulness Meditation Recordings, Buddhify, Movement

of Spiritual Inner Awareness Online Meditation Classes, Chopra Center Meditation

Podcast, Oprah and Deepak Chopras Meditation Master Trilogy, Calm.com, Do Nothing

for 2 Minutes, MeditateApp for Android, Mental Workout, Finding the Space to Lead

Meditations and Reflections, Eckhart Tolles Music to Quiet the Mind

Appendix C:At Your Service: 12 Sites for Giving and Volunteering(275)

SmartVolunteer (smartvolunteer.org), All for Good (allforgood.org), VolunteerMatch(volunteermatch.org), Catchafire (catchafire.org), iVolunteer (ivolunteer.org),

DonorsChoose (donorschoose.org), Idealist (idealist.org), UN Volunteers (unv.org),

DoSomething (dosomething.org), Volunteer.gov, Help from Home (helpfromhome.org),

UniversalGiving (universalgiving.org)


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Super Soul SundayOprah Winfrey Interviews Arianna HuffingtonEpisode Notes

On Sunday, May 11, 2014, Oprah Winfrey interviewed Arianna Huffington on the Emmy-award

winning series Super Soul Sunday on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN).

The notes from this Super Soul Sunday interview/discussion are included in this section.

Introduction

Best-selling author Arianna Huffington joins Oprah for a cup of Oprah Chaiat Starbucks

in Seattle to discuss her book, Thrive

Arianna Huffington is an author, media mogul, and founder of The Huffington Post

She was working 18 hours day, 7 days a week, when she fell and hit her head and woke

up in a pool of bloodher wake-up call

This cultural icon is saying that it is time for us to redefine success: Are we living our

dream or are we living someone elses dream? She speaks with Oprah about The Third Metric and unplugging sometimes

She says, Life is a dance between making it happen and letting it happen.

Background on Arianna Huffington

Arianna Huffington: This is my favorite show. I am a total Super Soul Sunday groupie!

My mother who died in 2000. She really believed that tea could solve any problem. I

am sure wherever she is, I am sure she is loving Oprah Chai.

Arianna describes her mother Elli as her biggest inspiration. She grew up in Athens in a

1-bedroom apartment. She started praying as a toddler. By the time she was 13,

Arianna learned meditation from her mother. These practices would be the foundation

for her spiritual journey.

She earned a scholarship to Cambridge University and made history by becoming the

first international student to be President of the Universitys prestigious debate society.

After graduation, Arianna Huffington wrote her first book and became a rising star as a

conservative female voice on radio and TV.

In 1980, she moved to NYC and made a name for herself as a best-selling author and

political commentator.

She married Michael Huffington in 1986 and had two daughters. After her divorce, she

remained in the political spotlight with a more liberal viewpoint and ran as Governor of

California as an independent in 2003. During this campaign, she first tapped into the

power of the digital world.

She then launched The Huffington Postin 2005making it the 3rdlargest source for

online news today.

While she became a fixture on shows and with The Huffington Post, her life became

24/7 as well. This led her on the path to create Thrive.


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o I made sleep my priority. I would wake up recharged, ready to face whatever life

brought me.

Arianna Huffington: The other thing I would doI dont have the smartphone next to

my bed. I have a time to shut off all the devices and gently escort them out of my

bedroom.

o

My bedroom is a device-free sanctuary. I only read real books in bed.o If I wake up in the middle of the night, I wont be tempted to look at my data.

o Have a certain time where you LITERALLY shut it off.

Oprah Winfrey: An average person is looking at their devices 150 times a day.

Arianna Huffington: I am also a big believer in napping. We have 2 nap rooms at the

Huffington Post. They are now perpetually full, where at the outset people were very

skeptical about them.

o People need to realize we are paying people for their judgment and not their

stamina.

Oprah Winfrey: 10 minutes is all it takes. Give your mind a break.

Sacrifice / Giving Up What No Longer Works

The original definition of sacrifice moves more inwardly. Give up what no longer works

in order to stay close what is sacred.Mark Nepo

This Mark Nepo quote from Super Soul Sundayreally struck Arianna Huffington

Arianna Huffington: I did a life audit at 40 and gave up things /projects. I realized how

liberating it was to give up projects and focus on what really matters to me.

o So many people see themselves in the lens of what other people wanted. Be

open to what your heart desires and not be defined by what everybody else

wants.

o

People have so many ideas about what success is that are not there ideas.

Meditation

Oprah Winfrey: Shirley MacLaine and I first started to have these conversations in 1986.

o The culture and zeitgeist is changingYou, Arianna Huffington, are talking about

what you are changing and meditation is key.

Arianna Huffington: 2013 was a tipping point with multiple CEOs coming out, not as

being gay, but as being long-time meditators

Oprah Winfrey: We think the harder we work, the more productive we will be, but this

is not true.

o Studies are showing that when you work 14 hour days, the 15 and 16thhour, you

are just going through the motions.

Arianna Huffington: We have instituted policies at The Huffington Post that unless you

are on an evening or weekend shift, you are not expected to answer your email/check

your email.


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o You donthave to call it meditation, at least there is a stepping away from the

work.

o You dont have to call it meditation, it can be prayer. It can be stillness.

o It is about reconnecting with the place inside us that was like a deserted garden

that I have once again started tending to.

o

When we reconnect to that place of wisdom, strength, and understanding,everything becomes easier. It is as close as our next breath.

Elli Stassinopoulos: The Ultimate Teacher

Arianna Huffington credits one woman as her greatest teacher and spiritual influence:

her mother Elli.

The family often struggled financially. Her mother sacrificed so that her mother could

provide an enhanced upbringing for her girls. Her mother borrowed money and sold

her belongings to relocate her girls to England to give them a better life.

Her mother was the beacon of The Third Metric. Elli was a magical improviser whose lifewas filled with wonder. She had the rhythm of a child

She constantly said: Dont miss the moment. She never rushed.

She loved the Farmers Market. The Santa Monica International Market was like her

Disneyland.

When she came out of the hospital, she went to the market, and then she came home

and spread it out on the kitchen table and invited everyone to share.

Then she fell. When we went to help get up, she said no. She asked us to bring a bottle

of red winewe sat on the floor. My sister and I said we had to call the ambulance, but

my mother said no, do not call the ambulance. After an hour, her head dropped and

she died.

The housekeeper, Debra, later said that Elli knew that this was her moment and told her

not tell us because that is how she wanted to die.

Death

Arianna Huffington: We dont talk about death, but we can integrate it into our lives in a

meaningful way.

Oprah Winfrey: All death is to remind us of our own lives and how we are living it. What

does success mean? What will it mean when you get to what you think it is the top?

o Death is meant to teach us how to live life.

Arianna Huffington: A eulogy has nothing to do with ones resume. A eulogy has to dowith things that really matter: how we made people feel, what makes us laugh, small

kindnesses, our lifelong passions.

People may not remember what you did or what you said, but they always remember

how you made them feel.Maya Angelou

Oprah Winfrey: There is no such thing as failure. It is just God trying to move you in a

new direction.


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Lessons: Failure and Multi-Tasking

Failure

Oprah Winfrey: What is the gift you want to give your daughters?

Arianna Huffington: It is what why mother gave me. I want to give them a combination

of unconditional loving and the knowing that they can go for their dreams without fearof failure.

o As my mother often said: Failure is not the opposite of success. It is a stepping

stone to success.Elli Stassinopoulos

Oprah Winfrey: There is no such thing as failure, it is just God trying to move you in a

new direction.

o Knowing this would allow us to take a new direction.

Multi-Tasking/Being Fully Present

Oprah Winfrey: What is the best advice you have given your daughters and what is the

greatest lesson they have taught you? Arianna Huffington: The greatest lesson my daughters taught me was to be fully

present. I would be with them, but often my mind wasnt thereI would be processing

my to-do list.

o The last time my mom got angry with me before she died when she saw me

multi-tasking with my kids (i.e. opening my mail while I was talking to my kids).

o I abhor multi-tasking. Anything that matters requires your full attention. 100%

there.Elli Stassinopoulos

o Modern science backs her up.

o Multi-tasking does not exist. It is called task switching and it is one of the most

stressful things you can do.

o

My daughters called me on it when I was not present. I was getting it from both

sides.

Concluding Observations

Oprah Winfrey: Having outlined this new definition of success, The Third Metric, do you

think you have now achieved it?

Arianna Huffington: It is a work in progress. We can never say this is it. When we say

that, we are gone.

Oprah Winfrey: You get hit with a lesson you dont want to learn.

Arianna Huffington: We all have that place of wisdom, peace and strength and we are allgoing to veer away from it again and again and again.

Arianna Huffingtons All-Time Favorite Quote: Live life as though everything is rigged in your

favour.Rumi


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Arianna Huffington: So often we go through life as though life has screwed us up or we

are victimized (quoting Oprah Winfreys speech at Harvard).

Oprah Winfrey: You become what you believe.

o The most fundamental belief is to believe and know that the universe, all that is

God, all the energy that defines what the world is, is in your favor. It is for you

and not against you. If you believe its against you then you see everything asagainst you.

Soul to Soul

What is the soul?

The soul is who I am. The soul is who you are. It is one breath away. The body is what

allows us to have all of these experiences, which means we can evolve throughout life.

Who we really are is the soul and that is why we need to remember to bring it with us,

whatever we are doing (to work, on vacation), because that is what ultimately will beleft.

What is your definition of God?

I cant improve on John the Beloved: God is love and those who live in love will live in

God and God will live in them.

Arianna Huffington quoting John the Beloved: God is Love and he that dwelleth in love

dwelleth in God and God in him.

How do you define spirituality vs. religion?

Spirituality is not about dogma and it is not about believing. It is about knowing and

feeling. A lot of religion is also about these things. So it depends on whether religion is

reduced to dogma or not. Spirituality has to be very practical and it has to be something

we bring into everything we are doing. We are all talking about outer space. Are we

going to Mars or Venus? I am more excited about inner spaceexploring inner space is

the most exciting adventure. Oprah, well you are doing it. You are the ultimate inner

space explorer.

What is the purpose of human experience?

To evolve into being fully who we truly are through everything that happens: the

painful experiences and the joyful experience. To keep getting closer to our essence

and to realize that part of our essence is giving. We are not complete human beings

unless we see ourselves as being a part of something larger than ourselves.


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If we can see that these challenges are our sandpapering and if we move into

acceptance from that place, we can tap into our inner strength and resources we may

not even know we have.

This will allow us to transcend the loss with more ease and more grace.

Panache Desai: Acceptance allows us to feel that which we are often trying to repress

or deny. Acceptance allows for transcendence. Often, people define

themselves by what they are going through. We identify with lifes

struggles and in turn, they become a source of lifes suffering. Bring this

space of acceptance into presence for youit may not be how you like,

want it to be, but it is in fact part of your greater development.

Acceptance allows us to transcend that which we think is an obstacle or

struggle in our life.

In 2011, AOL acquires The Huffington Postfor $300 million. Can youtake us through what you were feeling on that day? Was it a moment

of sadness or was it bittersweet or was it freedom of being liberated?

Arianna Huffington:

Well, a condition of the sale was that I would remain in charge of The Huffington Post, so

I was still intimately connected to the operations.

The feeling that I had on that day was that we had the resources to expand faster.

We are now expanding around the world, currently in 11 countries.

We now have the vehicle through which we can reach millions more people.

Since my collapse in 2007, I was bringing the lessons I was learning in my own life (sleep,

slowing down, meditation) into the editorial sections.

I felt after the sale, we can bring these important issues and discussions to many more

people around the world.

We could reach people for politics/news, but also sharing the information the readers

wanted for the lives they wanted and not just the ones they settled for.

Panache Desai: How did you manage in the midst of all of this to remain open-hearted?

There are other expectations or views placed upon you in your

expression. How do you maintain that balance with the original

integrity of what you created in The Huffington Post with its form afterit was sold?

Arianna Huffington:

I was excited because AOL and I were aligned in our vision for The Huffington Post.


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No matter what event we are going through, if we can find a way to expand in the

middle of the contraction so that we are bigger than the event, this is the transition from

struggle to grace.

I just taped Super Soul Sunday with Oprah and I said, What I know for sure is that

whatever it is we are going through, the greatest pain or the grandest manifestation of

worldly conquests, we are bigger than that. We are more magnificent than that. Thisway we dont cling to what is in front of us.

I recalled a dream where I was on a train going home to God and in my compartment on

the train was my family and close friends and what I saw from the window of the train

was scenery. Some was beautiful, some was ugly. However, the train kept moving on.

o This was a metaphor for life. There are ugly moments and beautiful moments,

but life goes on. The pain lingers when we cling to these moments.

I love your lesson Panache of: Surround yourself with the right people and kick the

wrong people off the train.

If you spend time with people who exhaust, depress and drain you, you have the

responsibility to escort them out of your life and not hold any grudges against them,because that is when we pay a price.

Panache Desai: Your message of Thrive really struck a chord with me and my work,

family, house, community. This message is not one we would ordinarily

hear from one at the top of their game in corporate America. When did

you first discover that the traditional metrics for success were an empty

promise?

Arianna Huffington:

I had a wake-up call on April 6, 2007 when I collapsed 2 years after setting up The

Huffington Post.

By the traditional metrics / definitions of money and power, I was successful, but by the

observations of any sane person: me, lying in a pool of blood after collapsing, I was not

successful.

Only looking at money and power at the focus was like sitting on a two-legged stool and

you fall off. The Third Metric is key.

This Third Metric has 4 pillars: Well-Being, Wisdom, Wonder, and Giving.

Each one of these pillars is a section of the book, Thrive.

I wanted people to read the book and make small microscopic changes to take us from

simply knowing what to do to ACTUALLY doing it.

Panache Desai: This conversation of The Third Metric is so timely and so relevant. I did

Super Soul Sundayand it is the biggest forum that you havea huge

validation that you are heading in the right direction. What I discovered

is that this experience as much as it elevated my visibility, it also drove

me to look at my shadows. What was left after that experience was


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everything about myself that I hadnt embraced or experienced. I

usually play this role for others, but Oprah Winfrey played that role for

me. The blessing for me at that time was that I actually had my

daughters. The Third Metric of being present for my daughters and

experience the wonder of my lifeit is amazing what success as

defined by society does. What it does is provides us an opportunity tocome back to what matters: FULFILLMENT.

Arianna Huffington:

It is so easy for success to distract us from our authentic selves. The time we take to be

still and nurture that part of us from where everything that matters comes is so

important.

Panache Desai: Does chaos still exist in your life? If it does, how do you still deal with

it?

Arianna Huffington:

For me, the keystone habit to change was sleep. I know it sounds trivial, but sleep,

meditation and pauses in our lives are major.

Sleep has a huge impact on our health, mental clarity, and on our ability to not be so

reactive.

Bill Clinton said the most important mistakes he made in his life were when he was tired.

When I was tired/burnt-out, I made the wrong decisions about hiring people, how to act

in certain circumstances, etc.

When I am recharged and I can wake up and be grateful for my life and be joyful this is

linked to how much sleep I gave myself and this links to my success in making the right

decisions.

The other thing is my daily meditation. Start with 5 minutes of daily meditation. This is

5 minutes of quiet time, prayer, contemplation. It is basically honouring the presence in

us.

When I can nurture myself and love and accept myself, it is easier to love everyone else.

Panache Desai: I am a firm believer in napping & sleeping. It is one of my favorite

things to do.

Arianna Huffington:

When I first created the nap rooms at The Huffington Post, the journalists rolled their

eyes at me, but now they are very popular and key to the entire team.


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Panache Desai: I loved your discussion of the iParadox. Your smart phones are not

making you wiser. How do you unplug and what is your protocol for

disconnecting?

Arianna Huffington:

Quote from Thrive: Ours is a generation bloated for information and starved for

wisdom.

I turn my bedroom into a device-free zone. I make sure all of my devices are turned off

and charging outside of my bedroom.

If you wake up in the middle of the night, you will be tempted to look at your data on

your phone and then your sleep is not as re-charging.

Checking my iPhone is not the first thing I do in the morning either. I set my intentions

for the day and tap into gratitude for the day.

There is plenty of time for checking my phone during the day.

It is really not about how much time we put into something, but how present we arewhen we are doing something.

It is not about avoiding hard work, but it is about unplugging and recharging.

In the USA, we are much better at taking care of our iPhones than we are at taking care

of ourselves.

o We get alerts from our smart phone about battery levels and we instinctively and

urgently look for chargers, but we dont look at this in ourselves/check our own

batteries/recharge.

In touring for my book, I marvel at the number of people who in one way or another say,

I no longer remember a time when I was not tired.

People who survive difficult challenges or thrive despite them, these are people who are

resilient.

Resilience is entirely based on our inner resources and not outside circumstances.

Panache Desai: To participate in corporate America, people arent thought of as people

anymore. It is important for us to reclaim authentic sovereignty. It is

important to cultivate the awareness that I am first and foremost a

human being.

TOOL 1: Do not sleep in the same room as your gadgets. Keep your

gadgets in a separate room/place. Turn your phones off. Charge them

somewhere else other than the bedrooms. When you wake up in themorning, open your palms, rest in the awareness of your breath, allow

yourself to center and be grateful for what the day has for you.

Arianna, I attribute the quality of living your life from the inside out as

the reason you have gotten to where you are. Live your life from the

inside out and you will thrive. One of my other favorite chapters is


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evicting the obnoxious roommate in your head. There is often a

physical manifestation of this voice in our bodies. Who is our

obnoxious roommate and how can we serve them their eviction

papers?

Arianna Huffington:

We all have an obnoxious roommate.

Men have an easier time shutting off the obnoxious roommate than women do.

My obnoxious roommate was incredibly self-draining and critical. It would go on and on

and on.

It would be the most draining thing after everything I did. I did a lot of work to deal with

my obnoxious roommate and now it only makes guest appearances.

I am not that voice. That voice is not me. That voice is not my authentic self and it is not

the truth.

It is the voice of our shadows, self-doubts, self-criticisms, and everything we dont likeabout ourselves.

Learning to not treat that voice as the truth transforms our lives. It helps us be in the

present.

It is part of being on the train and moving on and not clinging to the past.

Panache Desai: I describe it as having your very own Simon Cowell in your head telling

you, You are pitchy. Let us see if we can get to the emotion that is

underneath that voice. Go a little deeper. As we go deeper in our

awareness, there is almost a sense of unworthiness there. In almost all

cases, this unworthiness is unconscious. This unworthiness is fuelled by

a sense of guilt or shame. There is something that we believe we did

that is wrong. There is something that we believe we did that occurred

in the past. It is a sadness that is associated with the feeling of never

being good enough, not being loveable, not being accepted.

In addition to reading Thrive, I invite you all to go to the root of your

sadness that is playing out each time that voice appears. You are NOT

that voice. That voice is an opening in the doorway that leads you to

something you havent allowed yourself to feel. Your inner roommate

will no longer dominate your life. People rarely understand that the

origin of the voice is a deep sadness that we have. This is just a sense ofunworthiness we feel. It is held in place by the fear that we wont feel

and the anger that we wont experience. When that voice appears,

take some breaths, go deeper, and liberate that emotion. Then the

voice no longer has the power.


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I love the hurry-sickness and time-famine sections of Thrive. We feel

like there is never enough time. We are constantly running and trying

to get somewhere, without realizing that most of us are not going

anywhere. Can you help us tap into a slower pace?

Arianna Huffington:

Complex cognitive processing takes time and without that time, creativity is almost

impossible.

We need to recognize the way the modern world has been designed, that to believe that

by constantly rushing and cramming every minute with something to do, is not the way

to be effective.

Even if all you want in life is to be successful at your job, if you constantly rush around

and dont unplug and recharge, you are not going to be effective.

Machines are taking over the mundane parts of our job. We need to deliver creativity

and only recharged human beings can do that. When we disconnect, we will realize that we are something much more magnificent than

our jobs.

Now science is validating early wisdom.

When we are moving in this constantly rushing time-famine way, our bodies and mind

process it as a sort of fleeing from a predator making us living in a constant fight or

flight mode

This has a constant impact on our health.

of our health care costs come from preventabl

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