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Time HealsAuthored by Support Group Pos

6.0" x 9.0" (15.24 x 22.86 cm)Black & White on Cream paper38 pages

ISBN-13: 9781477419700ISBN-10: 1477419705

Time Heals

POS Support Group

Copyright © 2012 POS Support Group

All rights reserved.

ISBN:1477419705ISBN-13:9781477419700

DEDICATION

To the members of this wonderful group the saved my life.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments i

1 The Question 1

2 The Answers 2

i

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you to the following members that made me finish this booklet:

Peter Klein Becky Pressnall

Barbara SwanstonLee Cann

Randi Bo Tjagvad Nielsen Nelson

1

1 THE QUESTION

Dear Friends,

All my life, I think, I have heard the expression “time heals”. As if that's supposed to console those who are hurting so that they believe, in time, they will be healed of any pain.

What do you think? How long has it been since your daughter or son died, and do you think that 'time' has healed you - or has it even started healing you, even if it's not finished?

Do you agree with the expression - or not?

If so, explain why. If not, what would you say instead?

2

2 THE ANSWERS

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone." ~ Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

Coming from a mother who had also suffered great losses of children, she spoke the truth in these words. No one can truly understand unless they, too, have experienced this. Although Rose Kennedy had many more children, no one could ever fill the places in her heart that held those special loved ones. Nothing could break through the scar tissue that keeps those special loved ones safely in her heart.

I agree with what she said... And she would have known about loss and wounds.

Losing a child, or any loved one, is a wound. You don't

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really heal from that wound, in time you get used to it or adapt to it, but it never goes away.

"When the young bury the old, time heals the pain and sorrow, but when the process is reversed, the sorrow

remains forever.Joseph P. Kennedy

Have any of you really thought about time? What it means to us, the lack of time, too much time, too little time, it's about time, time and space, time spent here or there, time spent doing this or that, time heals all wounds, give it time, take the time...on and on.

How do we define time when it comes to grieving for a lost loved one? We think of the time before their deaths, time of their deaths, time spent in grieving, and how we will spend time for the rest of our lives. Which of these do we or should we dwell on most during the grieving process? Do you think that you are stuck in one of these "time" phases? And do you really believe that time is your friend? As for me, I do believe it. I also believe that we are meant to be here at this "time" to help the others from one "time" phase through to another. When we say that given time your pain and devastation will lessen and you will survive, please do not think we are trivializing your deep pain - we know your pain and we really feel it with every new person who joins the group. Just know that we are here to give you our "time" because we love you and

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care about you.

One of the most damaging killer clichés about loss is "time heals all wounds." When we present open lectures on the subject of Grief Recovery, we often ask if anyone is still feeling pain, isolation, or loneliness as the result of the death of a loved one 20 or more years ago. There are always several hands raised in response to that question. Then we gently ask, "if time is going to heal, then 20 years still isn't enough?"

While recovery from loss does take some time, it need not take as much time as you have been led to believe. Recovery is totally individual; there is no absolute time frame. Sometimes in an attempt to conform to other people's time frames, we do ourselves great harm.

…

Although recovery from loss does take some time, it is the actions within time that lead to successful recovery.

(Killer Clichés About Loss by Russell Friedman & John W. James)

I think that I am the concrete proof that the cliché "Time heals all" is not true. It´s been almost 30 years that I lost

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my daughter and my grief is not different from my 1982 grief. My life did not go on. I did not "get over it". I have only learned how to get used to my sorrow and loneliness, I have only learned how to get used to my empty useless life without my only daughter.

I don't think ANYONE in this group believes "Time heals all wounds". THIS is not a wound that heals. It scabs over and then re-appears and most likely always will; perhaps, someday (if time allows) it will leave a huge scar.

But there is a purpose for surviving, I have to believe that. And I KNOW it's true because I am knocking on doors and they are opening. I intend to use this horrific experience to help everyone I can as soon as I'm more well prepared, past my shock, horror, crippling (at times) grief, the gaping wound in my life/heart/soul. I told my therapist today: NO ONE will EVER

KNOW ME as well as my daughter did and she loved me greatly, admired and respected me greatly. I am honored that her sensitive spirit saw in me what the world will not see, those things put there for HER and, surely, I can use those things for others. NO ONE will EVER LOVE ME the way she did: I raised her, she knew my heart, she knew my compassion, empathy and strength over almost 24 years. I won't spend 24 years in such a unique relationship with anyone, not in this lifetime. Will I stop grieving that she isn't physically in my life to love, hug, pamper, protect? No, never. But I refuse to accept that my life is "useless" or even will remain "empty". I don't believe anyone to be "useless" and I don't believe any life is "empty" because I know the depth and compassion of God's love for us. I will struggle, I will cry and scream, I will sometimes be angry (hopefully less so as time

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passes), I will feel the empty place in my life/heart/soul but I WON'T GO DOWN, I WON'T BE STOPPED, I will use this, with God's help, to fulfill its PURPOSE which I cannot know now but will know someday.

Even though we spend a considerable amount of our energy trying to dispel the myth that time heals all wounds, we were confused with the frequency with which we observed people to be in an intense level of emotional pain long after a death had occurred.

It was at that point that we realized that almost immediately following a death; people often develop a relationship to their pain, which sometimes seems to supersede their grief about the relationship with the person who had died.

As we observed this all-too-common phenomenon, we realized that many people were inadvertently associating the pain that they experienced and re-experienced, over and over, as an equation for the love they had felt and now missed.

(Legacy of Love or Monument to Misery By: Russell P. Friedman, John W. James)

I don't know if I can say time heals, but time will soften what we feel. It will be 4 years for me next month and I still have moments where it can feel like yesterday, but not near as frequently. As for the anxiety for me, I find

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the days leading up to the angelversary to be incredibly anxiety ridden, while the day of the actual angelversary is somewhat more peaceful. I can't say it is this way for everyone, only for me. Just know you are not alone in these feelings. I am already dreading my son's birthday this month, so much so that I can feel the tightness in my chest.

It has been such a short time for you, since your beloved son passed. It has been nearly 10 years for me. We've heard it said, 'time heals' and we know that's not accurate. Time does not heal, but it does soften. I have crawled far on my journey. That sounds corny maybe, to some. But, it is true and accurate.

I want to lash out and smash in the face those who have said "You'll get over it! You must let go! You are looking better. You must let go or the soul won’t rest "Time heals all wounds."

It has been 4 1/2 years and I am not @#$%in over it! I will never ever be over it. NEVER. In fact I am less over it everyday. I have just learned to live with the pain. I want to remember every word he said. Every day we spent together every hug he ever gave me. If remembering is painful so be it. He is worth the pain. I want to tell these people to cut out their hearts and bleed to death. Why? Cause that's the pain I feel everyday only I don’t bleed to death I just go on. I will jump down the throats of anyone who says that to me--so they get the message not ever to say it again --just go away.

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I wish that time could heal all wounds. Time can heal broken bones, but not broken hearts. What time does do is soften the pain of our loss, but it takes lots and lots of time. It can only be done when the individual is ready for it. Everyone grieves in his/her own way, and it helps having contact with others who understand - those who have been through what we have.

The saying "time heals" hurt to hear at the time of his death, but it is true. I don't have "bad" days too often. I still miss him so much.

I lost my oldest son to the monster called suicide 5-1/2 years ago. When I heard "time heals", I didn't believe it. But, like you, I have found that though the pain doesn't ever go completely away, it does soften.

I think of it as having settled in a place deeper within my heart instead of laying on the surface where it threatened to steal every breath I struggled to take. When I tell about my son, I also say he took his own life and never say he "committed suicide". I don't think it's strange at all. I don't think of my son as having "committed" anything but to have reached a place that his pain was too much for him to bear and he couldn't see to the other side of it. I will admit there have been times since my son left us that I have experienced pain that I didn't think I could or wanted to survive. I thank God for the help and support I've gotten from this wonderful group to help me through those dark times.

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I hate the statement that "time heals all wounds" time does NOT heal...but for me as time goes on the total trauma eases a bit... And reality sets in. And then the challenge is how to live without your child/children...And how to "appear" normal in this world.

I don’t know how to accept this. I hurt so badly and I keep being told you will be fine time heals and I want to scream nooooooooooo why is my baby boy gone? Why did this happen? How do I deal, cope?

I am not sure if the person who told you that time heals has ever lost a child. I don't believe that "time" can " heal " a wound so deep.

I do know that love and understanding from those who are walking where I am can bring strength to face each day.

Personally I feel if I allow it "to get better or easier" it's like I'm saying what my boy did was okay and I can go on like nothing... WELL I CAN'T and I'm sick of people (maybe very well intended) telling me time heals, and it's what he wanted and you have to move on...etc. etc. etc.

We totally understand how much offended you are when someone tells you that time heals.

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They have not lost a child to suicide. All of us here know that this is one pain that will never go away - we will always hurt because our child is gone. However, I can tell you that time (lots of it) will soften the pain so that it becomes more manageable and giving you a chance to still find some enjoyment in life. I lost my daughter on May 8, 1996 when she shot herself. This has been a 15-year journey for me, and there are many things that I find enjoyable now, and I thought it would never happen.

I don't think time heals. For me its just as bad as that first day ... If not worse because I am starting to realize this nightmare is real and she is not going to come walking through the door to have coffee with me again...

I am not implying that time heals, because I don't believe it does necessarily.

However, I do believe that over time our emotions begin to settle deeper into our hearts and are not so raw and overwhelming. I can only say this because of my own experience, so it may not be true for all. I know that the first 16 months after my son died are a blur. I barely remember them, it seems the one thing I can't forget is when I found out my son was gone. That scenario is etched in my memory, but I don't remember much after that. Friends and family made all of the arrangements. I did speak at his service, but I don't remember it. Today however is different, yes it has been over eight years and I know the timetable is different for all of us. However, the anger and guilt and blame, the endless what if's are gone.

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So I do believe that we can begin to see life differently in time. I am now looking through the eyes of pain and a broken heart, but I am seeing differently than I did in those first few years. I said all that to say, you may need to allow yourself these emotions right now, but that does not mean you will always feel this way toward your daughter.

I don't buy into the old saying that time heals all, because I don't think time alone can heal this pain and suffering. The one thing I think time does do, is allow us to process what we are going through. Sometimes my mind is just a think tank of information, many times I go to Webster's Dictionary for answers. I just went and looked up the word "Process" this is what it says:

Definition of PROCESS

1

a : progress, advance <in the process of time> b : something going on : proceeding

2

a (1) : a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead toward a particular result <the process of growth> (2) : a continuing natural or biological activity or function <such life processes as breathing>

According to Webster's a process is not always something we can make happen, usually it is something that just happens over a period of time.

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That is what I mean when I say time is a factor, but not a healer. Sadly, sometimes it is simply waking up just one more day and breathing one moment at a time. My life now has leveled out and is mostly peaceful and uneventful, but it has taken years for that process to take place. In the first 16 months after my son died I was not functional at all. I could not work, live alone, eat, or sleep. I was heavily medicated all the time, ]I don't even remember those months. My sister has shown me pictures and I look like an empty shell. I posted a couple of them on the member’s site when I found them about a month ago. The pictures are very telling of how the loss of my son impacted me. Then there is a picture of me this last year and I have a smile again, and some sort of life in my eyes again.

However this is eight and a half years later, it didn't happen in the first six months, year, or even two years. Please, be gentle to yourself. I understand if you must work, and for me getting back to work was helpful but it had been almost a year and a half. You said you are trying to find a way to live, smile, laugh, empathize and just live a relatively normal life that isn't as exhausting as this one. I found for me, that the first part was just finding a way to live, then the rest of it gradually found it's way back into my life. There is no timetable and it may be different for all of us. I pray that you will only demand of yourself what you can do today, and not strive so hard for who you, or others think you should be tomorrow. It may bring you some much-needed relief.

One of the few things we can count on is change. You wrote the definition of process and added 'According to Webster's a process is not always something we can make

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happen, usually it is something that just happens over a period of time.' We spend out lives in process and changing. Even when we think things have stayed the same they have not.

The old adage time heals all wounds may not be accurate but time will move forward. It is not something we can bank or save. Every minute, every second that passes is gone forever. Oh we might remember but even our memories are not nearly as accurate as we think they are.

So where am I going with this rambling. No matter what life throws at me, I want to live consciously, authentically, compassionately and fully. Yes this hurts, it is agony, it sucks and I am still alive, the world continues to spin, there is beauty and ugliness, joy and pain, life and death. I will NEVER be okay with the loss of my son to suicide and I will live until I die.

...Time heals... sometimes I think it does, but often there is a permanent scar.

I think it is normal for humans who are grieving to want to 'heal', to have the pain go away, or at least lessen.

But in my experience when you have a loss of the magnitude that we all have (with such great trauma also), the best we can do is to learn to carry the pain.

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People always say "time heals" and that may be true for a breakup or an illness or sometimes the natural death of an older or ill loved one but a suicide death is different, especially if it is your child, and I don`t believe "time heals" the pain of a loved one completing a self-murder. It`s been 14 years since the death of my eldest daughter and I am in fact worse and seeking treatment for my pain. So I call BS on the "time heals" crap and would say instead "time stands still" when trying to heal from this horrible pain. I will miss her and feel her pain until the day I die.

I guess you need to consider the meaning of healing to decide whether or not time has healed, or will heal you. I would think that healing is when your injury is gone and does not cause you pain anymore.

Well...that doesn't happen when you have lost someone you love. Time softens the pain, but it doesn't remove the grief, anger and loneliness that come with losing a child. At least it hasn't for me and I don't think it ever will.

I do not believe this is true. I lost a son who was 5 weeks old, 40 years ago. It still hurts, but that hurt has become manageable. I lost my second son 4 years ago. Some days are manageable, but in the 4th year, I found myself crying again, being depressed to the point of not being able to function with day-to-day tasks.

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In my humble opinion I think survivors of suicide are in a whole other category, we will learn to cope but the heartache will never leave.

I have heard that adage...and I longed for it to be true. I have not found any indication that "time heals" to be a factor in easing any of the difficulties I have encountered in my life, especially the excruciating pain from the anticipated loss, then actual loss, of my son....

I have primarily found "time" to be a word for a man-made construct which describes the getting dark- getting light, changing seasons, changing/aging of ourselves and the creatures around us and really only a grid or order we choose to apply to manage whatever is happening around us.

Events which wound our heart/ soul/psyche, seem to me to put themselves outside of this "grid...these happenings do not exist in this construct of time...they are timeless...they stay as they are until we work to manage what we will do with them. We certainly search for meaning...like following a string through a forest only to arrive at new or previously undiscovered places in this forest...and I think we constantly grapple with what the essence of "healing" really is. I think we really do not know. I have observed healing to be pronounced as having happened when one "goes back to work", "uses a broken arm again" or basically functions again within the norms of our "pack". No, the psychic wound is outside of time...it goes on forever, playing again and again generation to generation, there is no healing, only a change in the way we look at what has happened to us. We find a new mask to wear, perhaps, but I don't think time heals anything of the soul or psychic injuries we

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suffer...we take them with us when we ourselves die, worn out from the constant passing of the seasons.

Goodness, and this is BEFORE coffee...

Peace and healing; however it may happen...

In my opinion

Time, like rust can cover damage

Rust comes with time.

It aggravates

It doesn't mitigate.

In relation to the death of a child - no I do not think time heals...

My daughter died Nov 8, 2011 and time is making things worse - not better... I do not know if this will be a continual pattern until I’ve actually gone through it. For now - No healing...

I think in some situations - time heals...

I do not think its possible at this point to feel like time heals in the death of my only child...

I was seeing a video of the tsunami in Japan last year and

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it is impressive, how it takes everything on its way ignoring buildings, people, cars, crops, roads, dirt, everything, and leaving a trail of destruction behind it. After it is gone, there is a calm devastated area. I think that losing my son was like a tsunami. It came ripping everything inside my soul and leaving a trail of devastation behind. And it is now receding, things are calmer now, but all we can see is destruction. Some things we started rebuilding, we start with the most essential for survival, our surviving children, our closest relationships, and other things will never exist anymore, like certain friendships, sometimes jobs. And now, after this horror, we develop different methods of soul construction. We might need medication, we might need counseling, and we might need better support. It will never be like it was before. Certain things will grow back on their own, like weed grows in the garden untended. They might come with flowers or they might come with thorns. They might be pretty or ugly, but they will be out of control. Healing for me would be tending for these things of the soul and life, trying to keep things under control and learning to live in harmony with the things we can't control

Instead of saying time heals everything, I would rather say "time never stops, if you manage to heal you will survive better".

This quote says it best for me: 'Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.' ~ Earl Grollman

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It has been 20 months since my son took his life. While things have changed and in some ways I feel less intense, more like I might find some joy again, I think that time has not healed, it has merely allowed me to find some acceptance and a less sorrowful perspective. So I think heals is not an accurate description.

I think life in general is an ongoing journey in which we experience things, process, cogitate, transform and continue on. When our hearts have been broken, especially by the sort of loss we have all experienced, for most of us we will carry our grief, sorrow, and a whole bunch of other thoughts and feelings for the rest of our lives.

However at this point for me the intense shock, discombobulation, horror, disbelief - that initial maelstrom of conflicting emotions has pretty much gone. I fall into the grief pit and it is intense but the times in between seem calmer, less consumed by thoughts and feelings about my son's death.

I think more about his life, about our lives together. And I grieve every day. How this will unfold over time for me I do not know, but I will never be healed in the sense that I will be over it. I hope I will find more peace, joy and acceptance in my grief.

The human condition includes a tapestry of experiences and emotional responses. Every single one of us will experience loss and will eventually leave this life behind. Human beings are resilient.

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Like ALL the clichés out there such as: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, God does not put more on us then we can handle, kind of stuff. These were all made up by someone who has not lost a child to suicide or any other kind of death.

I will never recover from this and time will not heal in my heart for my son. My heart has 3 places for each son. Losing my son destroyed one of my main arteries pumping blood and life force into that section that is now dead. That part of my heart has been totally destroyed and there is nothing that can heal this place for me. I want to ache and feel pain. I never want to get pass this that my heart never aches over the lost of my sweet beautiful son.

I find it hard to believe that my broken heart will be healed with time.

It will be two years on May 8th and it feels like yesterday. Yes, the pain

is less constant and I know that I will get through each day (unlike the first year), but my heart aches for my son - to see him, touch him, hear his voice.

I read a book where they stated it was like carrying this heavy boulder on your shoulder. With time the boulder does not get any lighter, you just get stronger carrying it. Maybe that is what will happen, we will all get stronger

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and the pain may get a little softer.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no resolution or recovery from a trauma such as this (My son was also my only child, but I really think any child).

I feel there is only learning to adapt to living with the pain and heartache.

In her note she included this quote: "I read a book where they stated it was like carrying this heavy boulder on your shoulder. With time the boulder does not get any lighter, you just get stronger carrying it."

That really resonated with me, as I absolutely do not believe that one ever heals from the loss of a child. It is such a profoundly difficult and painful life event that I don't ever see us 'healing' from it. Whoever came up with that completely false sense of reality obviously did not have a child die. Strikes me as another absurd comment and imposed societal expectation.

Like others, I do believe what time offers is a softening of the raw and intense suffering but perhaps like the boulder, we just gain more strength in time to carry that tremendous burden of the heart. The other day I was in the bathroom painting when a song came on that caused me to pause and cry. I saw my husband out of the corner

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of my eye in the hallway looking at Brendan's picture as he quietly had tears streaming down his face. Was a song that sparked much emotion in the moment? We acknowledge each others sadness and I said to Danny that someday we won't have to do this anymore. He nodded knowing that I meant we will be relieved of our suffering when we die. Not morbid but rather a reality.

Lets see now its been over 4 years and my son is STILL DEAD...........so

NOPE. Time DOESNT heal all things.

Otherwise he would be alive. Stupid saying.

Time heals all things.. REALLY ALL THINGS? Cause I still don’t have a house, my trees are dying, and me and my husband drift farther

into pure hatred towards each other every single day. Is that healing?

I’m getting older, fatter, saggier, wrinklier...hmmmmmmm

So many times we use words without really knowing the full meaning, I get a lot of use out of Webster’s because of this. Based on the definitions of the word heal and words used to describe it, I don't see how time can heal.

Webster’s:

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Definition of *HEAL*

Transitive verb

1

a : to make *sound* or *whole* <heal a wound>

Definition of *SOUND*

1

a : free from injury or disease b : free from flaw, defect, or decay

Definition of *WHOLE*

1

a (1) : free of wound or injury : unhurt (2) : recovered from a wound or injury : restored (3)

I cannot see where any of these apply to me since August 4th, 2003. Quite the opposite of the statement time heals, I believe these will apply to me, when time is no more.

It has been 2 years and 3 days. I am more "of sound mind" than I was the 1st year I suppose. I don't try to die anymore. In that first year, I drove as recklessly as I could, and just hoped I would die if I took enough medication and drank enough. I didn't want to awake from sleep. Does this mean time have healed me? I don't

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think so. Time has made me more intolerable, angry, callous, and hard to live with I am sure. I don't think there is a timetable on healing a broken heart. Time is just a harsh reminder that I have to go on even on days I don't care to. It is a reminder that I am here to pay taxes, utilities and house payments until I die. It is a reminder that I don't get to see my son ever again. Time hurts. It doesn't heal. Yes, over time we become more adaptive because that is what is expected. And isn't that what life is about? Doing what is expected of us. That in itself can be a full time job that is no fun.

Time is a bittersweet symphony of occurrences.

I used to think that.

That was before my son died.

I now know time DOESN'T heal ALL wounds.

I will forever more live with this giant hole in my heart.

I've learning to live with this hole.

I have allowances I have to make because I am shattered.

I have things I can't do & people & things I have to avoid.

I compensate. I'm hobbled. I live small & more focused.

So, not healed. Never healed. Just learning to live WITH.

This is a quote I would like to share with you all regarding time heals...

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"They say that time heals all wounds but all it's done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you." -

As the mother of my only child, it does not heal the pain at all. I am better able to hide my pain for others not to notice as that what makes them uncomfortable, but it is there with every step, breath, and movement at every moment it hurts to my very core. I used to think I knew what pain was; nope I had to learn the hard way. My husband? Well let's just say he cried when his mom died, cried for 5 years when his brother died, His son? I've not seen one tear from him...how can he not feel for his own son? Oh, life has really given me/us a kick in the bumb.

Nope, I don’t believe this expression, at least referring to the suicide death of our child. I think that time helps us to deal with it, and time helps the intense pain lessen, and time helps us to be able to live with the pain, but it does not heal. I believe that I will feel the pain of my son’s death until I die myself.

No, it doesn’t. Time goes on. Hearts and minds and souls mend, but it takes a lot of work on our part. It doesn’t just happen without any effort on our part. Sometimes time isn’t our friend. Sometimes it just makes it hurt more.

The saying "time heals" is a farce. My husband passed

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away suddenly 19 years ago at the age of 48, I learned to live with that one. My son will be gone 5 years the 25th of this month and I still haven't learned to live with it. I went to work every day cleaned my house paid my bills and did what was expected of me. To everyone else it seems that I am doing just fine. There is such a hole in my heart and emptiness in my life it will not ever end, I just miss my son so much. I will never heal from this hurt.

This saying "time heals all wounds" has always irked me. Mainly because I believed it at first and was upset to find it is not exactly true. The passing of time does not, in and of itself, accomplish much besides making you older. I've been through so much in my life (although not as much as some of you in POS) my retort became: "all time does it throw more bad stuff at you." It's been awhile since anyone has said that to me, though, so I haven't had to snap at anyone recently. Not about that, anyhow. I do seem to be pretty angry lately, must be a phase...

Time cannot heal a wound of this magnitude. It lessens in severity for a while then comes back full force when least expected. This is the way my life is now.

I think time does heal wounds. But what I am suffering isn't a wound. It is an amputation. A part of me is missing forever, and I will never feel whole again, but I will do my best to learn how to live anyway. Not an easy task.

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Time heals. With this loss I do not think so. It has been 10 months since I loss my daughter and I hurt just as much as I did the day I found her. Probably more as the shock is starting to wear off. Time will never heal what I saw that night when I came home and found my daughter. Time will never heal how I struggle trying to get her down and then trying to breathe life back into her lifeless body. Time will never heal how much I miss her. I miss her laughter and her hugging me and telling me she loves me. Time will never fill the void in my life. Time will never heal how much her sister hurts and misses her baby sister. Time will never erase the memory of seeing my daughter hanging. Time will never heal the pain I felt when I picked up her ashes on her birthday. I am broken and time will never heal me. Time will never fill the void in my life or the hole in my heart. Time will never help understand why. Time will never heal the loneness I feel as everyone has moved on with their life expecting me to do the same. For me time is an endless string of days that are filled with a loss so great that I hurt with every inch of my being and with every breath I take.

I will never "heal" I will just go on until my work here is done and I can join my son.

For me, time doesn't heal. Time can only heal a broken heart and the problem is, I don't have a broken heart. I have a heart that has been shattered into tiny little pieces and shards and there is no healing much less fixing that. Monday will be 5 months since my daughter hanged herself in her closet. If time has done anything it has

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made me less tolerate of other people and their bs. It has made me realize the people who are worth having in my life and those who aren't. It has made me tell people to STFU when they whine about how bad they have it. And, god helps anybody who let’s stupid and ignorant words roll off their tongue.

There is no healing for me, no moving on, no moving forward, no letting go... Put simply, this just can't be fixed, ever. I have to live with this and I really don't know how to go about doing that much less even find some sort of way to try and wrap myself around the reality of the situation. My best friend, my baby is gone and I can't do anything about it much less heal. I'm half a person now and I hate it and I hate everything about it. Is that being negative as some say? I don't think it is. It just is what it is and I'm helpless to do anything about it besides live with it.

Like all of us, I do not think so. It is something I have learned to live with. I cry silently a lot of the time. I am not the person I used to be. I will say after 2 year now I am not afraid to die now, and for a long time I welcomed it so that I could see my son again. Now at the 2 year mark, I am not afraid of dying anymore, I am just not ready yet and I know in my heart he is waiting for me I am just hoping that time for him is not like it is for me. I am still searching for the "purpose" and I am sure I always will be...

This is my humble opinion: "Time heals" keeps coming

POS Support Group

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back. The complete saying is: “time heals all wounds”

I didn't suffer a wound.

I had spinal fusion 12 years ago, I’m not completely healed. I have no feeling at my toes from nerve damage. No big deal.

MY SON SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD WITH A 45!!!!!!!!!!

Not only will I never be the same, if you never had at least one child take their own life, don't even think you "understand!!!!!!!

Everyone is different and each has own thoughts about this. For me, heals is not the right word. I think that time has put a patch on my heart so I can go on with life, but my heart will not be heal until I see my son’s beautiful smile and eyes again.

Even though this coming May will be 17 long years ago I lost one son and 12 years ago I lost the other son, it still seems like yesterday and the pain just never goes away but there are more better days than initially.

I will never be the same person - I cope with life but make sure that I keep myself and protect myself from things and events that I know will upset me. Surviving suicide is like having a sore that has healed on the outside but the inside is still very tender and prone to pain.

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In my case, Time helps ... it hasn't healed.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

POS is an international Internet community and e-mail support group for bereaved mothers and fathers whose sons or daughters took their

own lives.

Our mission is to offer understanding, support, information,connections and hope.

POS is an all volunteer community. There is no charge to join, and no one gets paid.

We do various memorial projects, and twice a year, we hold retreats for our members of POS and FFOS in Columbia, Tennessee.

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