Tips for Moms

8/4/2019 Tips for Moms

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5 Parenting Tips Articles

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Parenting Challenge: Taking Control of Young ChildrensBehavior

By Kelly Nault


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Parenting Potty Training Tips For Stubborn Children That WorkBy Kelly Nault

Many moms are notexperiencing relief when their stubborn child resists pottytraining all together. With the laundry piling up and the cost of pull-ups eatingaway at the weekly budget, it's no wonder many parents feel like they're ready

to flush those unsuccessful potty training techniques down the toilet! I receiveat least one email a week from a mom in the parenting deep end asking forsuggestions in this area.

Parenting Potty Training Tips for Stubborn Children

Here are my top seven tips for potty training stubborn children:

Know that Your Child WILL be Potty Trained Potty training is one

of the most important skills preschoolers will learn. They dolearn itit's just that some children are slower than others. Everyone eventuallylearns how to go to the bathroom on their own. Have faith! It's just amatter of time.

Stay Away from Cute, External Rewards The more you make pottytraining into a game, the more your child will see it as a game.Chances are they might turn into a competitive battle where you lose.Cute ideas (like sticker charts for when children go, floating Cheeriosinto the bowl and having boys aim for it, putting food coloring into thebowl and having your child get excited about watching the color

change) only confuses the issueespecially when the gimmicks losetheir appeal. The rewards of potty training should be internal: your childshould feel good about herself for learning something new. By allmeans, encourage you child when he remembers with a simple, Greatjob!. This is all that is needed for success.

Stick with Your Decision to Forgo Diapers and Pull-ups My beliefis that pull-ups that soak up the uncomfortable wet feeling actuallyprolong potty training. One of the children in my life became socomfortable with pull-ups that he was wearing them well into the school

years for night accidents. Accidents (many of them) will happen. Whenkids arent given the opportunity to continually experience the naturaldiscomfort that comes from wet clothes, they have no reason to learnto make potty training a priority. Consider putting a protectivewaterproof sheet around their mattress, but stay away from soakerpads and pull-ups once you have made the shift (and the sooner, thebetter).


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Make Potty Training Comfortable A big person toilet for a smallbum can be a scary thing. Use training potties, potty seats, or haveyour child face the toilet when sitting on the throne so they can sitcomfortably.

Let Go of Constant Reminders and Prodding The more you makeit a big deal, the more your child will fight you. If you are taking all theresponsibility for your child to remember to go, there will be noincentive or reason for them to remember. When it comes to pottytraining, the best reminder comes from your childs own bladdernotyou! And when your child forgets or doesnt listen to their bladder, thepee running down their leg is their next reminder.

Have Your Child Help Clean UpWhen Accidents HappenAccidents happen and are a part of the natural process of potty

training. Dont make a big deal out of accidents. Instead deal with theaccident by happily cleaning it up together. Have your child help youfind dry clothes and deal with washing up.

Give Your Child More Responsibilities Around the House Themore confidence your child feels, the more they will embrace learningany new skill (including potty training). Look for tasks that yourpreschooler can be responsible for and thank her for what she does.Involving your child in the upkeep of your home is one of the bestthings you can do for him (see chapter eight of my book When Youre

About To Go Off The Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With You tolearn more about how chores can boost your childs self-esteem).

Potty training is one of the many skills your child needs to perfect. When yousupport your child in listening to the natural cues of their own body, you willempower him or her with life-long skills. And if you choose to use the aboveseven potty training tips for a stubborn child, you'll find that potty trainingbecomes a processrather than a power strugglewith a happy ending.

Kelly Nault, MA award winning parenting author of When Youre About To Go Off

The Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With Youinspires moms to put themselvesfirstfor the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivatechildren to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her freeonline parenting course here.


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Parenting a Preschooler:How To Avoid Raising A Spoiled Brat!

By Kelly Nault

Studies tell us that child behavior between 2 - 6 years of age impacts theirfuture personality more than at any other stage. Talk about pressure for

parents!

A toddlers increased mobility and expanding vocabulary mark the dawn of anew stage in lifeone in which preschoolers want to explore more of theirworld, long to play with others, and look to experience greater independencefrom their parents. Although the preschool years can be exciting, they canalso signal a time of many parenting challenges.

These parenting challenges can leave a parent bewildered and frustrated,especially when deciding how to best deal with child behavior that includes:temper tantrums, toilet training, bossiness, hitting, and sibling rivalry. Parentswho try to do a lot of things right when dealing with child behavior from 2 - 6fall into a common parenting trap, one that undermines all of their positiveefforts to raise responsible, happy and compassionate children.

The "Good" Parenting Trap: Pampering the Child

Weve heard of Generation X and weve heard of Generation Y, but GenerationSthe Spoiled Generationis reaching epidemic proportions.

A child who grows up being the center of their parents universe can turn intoa school-aged child who has difficulty developing and maintaining friendships,a child dreaded by their peers, adults and teachers alike! Later on, this samechild can become an adult who falsely believes the world owes themeverything and expects they don't have to do anything in return.

If your child grows up with a sense of entitlement, they will neither develophealthy self-esteem, nor be able to meet life's challenges. Entitlement createssuch problems because a fulfilling life is the product of caring about others,being confident in our own abilities, and being motivated to share our talents.A spoiled child rarely learns any of these skills.

Spoiling a child leads to more toddler temper tantrums, bigger meltdowns, andeven anti-social conduct (including aggressive behaviorbiting, angry child),all of which can lead parents to the brink of the parenting deep end. Thus,one of the best things you can do for a child aged 2 - 6 is to provide


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opportunities to contribute to others. If you dont, you may wind up regrettingitjust like Jasmines family did.

Parenting True Story: The Little Prince

Jasmine was a young woman who I counseled years ago. One of the issuesshe struggled with was her little 34-year-old brother. As our sessionsprogressed, I began referring to him as Little Prince. Little Prince usedJasmines home as a free B&B opportunity. He paid no rent, ate Jasminesfood, tossed his dirty clothes on the floor, and consistently brought the familycar back with an empty tank of gas. The longest he had ever held down a jobwas two months. He had no savings, no friends, and no ambitions.

Upon hearing Jasmine's description of her younger brother, I correctlyguessed that he had been a pampered child. Not only did he have onemother, but he had five sisters who mothered him! Little Prince wasnt evenexpected to walk on his own until the age of five, when he became too heavyfor any of his moms to carry. The sad result is a grown man who still expectsthe entire world to dote on him, and who resorts to childish outbursts andtemper tantrums when that doesnt happen.

Three ways to avoid parenting a spoiled child:

1. Encourage Your Childs Independence. One of the best things you cando for your child is to have them help out with family chores. Most parentsdont realize that by not encouraging their young children to help out withsimple chores now, they are unknowingly teaching their children to not want todo chores later on.

As soon as they show interest in helping out, start teaching them! After seeinghow interested her three-year-old was in Saturday morning laundry, one momin my parenting class gave her child the task of taking the wet laundry andmoving it to the dryer every week. This simple task would take her no morethan ten seconds, took her son up to ten minutes! Yet, this mom knew the

power of training. To pass the time, she brought along the newspaper to read.Now, four years later, her child is enthusiastically helping with dozens of otherchores, including setting and clearing the table.

2. Refrain from Modeling Temper Tantrums Yourself. Many parentsactually model for their children how to perform temper tantrums by yelling,screaming and even hitting when they get to the end of their rope. Realizethat by doing so, you are teaching your kids how to misbehaveno matter


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how loudly you tell them how to behave. Actions speak louder than words.Make certain you are walking your talk in this parenting area.

3. Put Yourself First for the Sake of Your Child. Youve probably heard thesaying When mom aint happy, aint nobody happy! Choose to be a happyparent for the sake of your children. If you are burning the candle at bothends, you are likely headed for burnout. And when Super Mom turns intoSuper Stressed, the results can be ugly for the entire family.

Choose to do more than just give lip service to self-care. Self-care needs tobe treated as a necessity, rather than as a luxury. Modeling for your childwhat a happy, healthy adult looks like is essential. It is also essential for yourchild to know that you think enough about yourself to put some of your needsfirst. Even if this means spending a little less time with them, the time you dospend together will be more fulfilling and rewarding for both of you when youare truly happy.

Child behavior (2-6 year olds) can be a parenting challenge, but veryrewarding if you take the time to teach by example, to actively model goodself-care, and to give your child satisfying opportunities to contribute.

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Kelly Nault, MA award winning parenting author of When Youre About To Go OffThe Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With Youinspires moms to put themselves

firstfor the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivatechildren to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free

online parenting course here.


11/16

Parenting A Three Year OldBy Kelly Nault

Parenting Question

I'm spiraling out of control with my three-year-old daughter. She won't listen

to me and I know that the 'naughty bench' isnt working. I'm at a total loss andfeel like such a failure. I don't want to hit her or use the kind of strong verbalyelling that my parents did. What do I do? I want her to understand that I'mthe boss and when I ask her to do something or obey something, she shoulddo it. My father was giving me parenting advice today and I feel so out ofcontrol. Is this normal child behavior for a three-year-old?

From "Out-of-Control Mom"

Positive Parenting Tip from Kelly Nault:Clinical Counselor Award Winning Author and Motivational Speaker

Dear Out-of-Control Mom:

Firstly, you are NOT a failurejust a mom who needs some new tools.

My guess is that you havent had many courses on how to deal with three-year-old behavior, so be gentle with yourself.

Many parents ask me whats normal when it comes to child behavior for athree-year-old. No matter what your childs age, what it comes down to is this:how is your childs behavior working for you, and how is it working for them.From your parenting question, I sense it just aint workingperiod!

So lets first look at what is going on for your daughter. Children at the pre-school stage are developing a whole host of new skills, including: wantingmore independence (for example, No, I want to do it by myself!); assertingtheir wants (I want that!); and learning about friendship (Give that back!).One of the best things you can do when parenting a three-year-old is tosupport your child in attaining these new skills without allowing them tobecome demanding or spoiled. To ensure you dont fall into unhealthy habitsthat promote power struggles, choose to use a firmbut kindapproach and

look for ways that your child can learn from each situation.

The more you can allow your three-year-old to do things on her own (and theywont be perfect), the less likely she will be to fight you on everything. Look forhousehold tasks that she can do at her age and find ways that she can helpyou out. Have her fill the dog bowl, hold the door open for you when you arebringing groceries into the house, set the table, etc. The busier you can keepher doing positive behaviors, the less chance she will move towards negativeones.


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Be warned: even if you take this approach, your daughter is still going to testyou. Below are six steps for dealing with three-year-olds when theysimply wont listen:

Let Go of Timeouts Timeouts can work for some children (but thereare far better techniques). Ultimately, the only person we can control isourselves. If timeouts are not working (that is, your child refuses to goto the naughty bench, stay on the naughty bench, or tells you theymake their own rules and have moved the naughty bench), look forother ways to inspire them to want to be well-behaved (as suggested inthe following five steps).

Fire Yourself as Boss of the Household! Many parents buy into

the belief that mom should be the boss of the household and be incontrol. Yet, we must remember that we are modeling for our childrenhow to act every single minute of the day. Our kids learn more fromwhat we do than from what we say. If they see us pulling rank asboss, they will attempt to be boss too. Unfortunately, when thishappens, they may outrank us and the real power struggles will begin!

Provide Flexibility with Boundaries Instead of boss, see yourselfas your childs coach or guide, responsible for providing them withexperiences to learn from and allowing them to experience theconsequences of their actions. Give clear guidelines, but also give

them flexibility too. For example, Your toys need to be cleaned upbefore we go to Grandmas. Do you want to clean them up now, or in 5minutes from now? If they still dont clean up, then you might not go toGrandmas that day. Children need to know what the rules are and,more importantly, they need to know you will follow-through with therules. Once you become consistent with your behavior, your childrenwill learn to trust what you say and will improve their behavioraccordingly.

Stay Firm (but Kind) If they fight, you follow-through. Do this without

yelling, scolding or punishing. Dont buy into their tears, and definitelydont get into a debate. Stay firm, but stay kind. Tell them that whenthey want a hug, to come find you. I know keeping your cool is easiersaid than done. For more on this, check out the Mom's Time Outsection (page 111-114) in the parenting book, When Youre About ToGo Off The Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With You.


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Use Parenting Consequences That Relate to Their Behavior Punishment teaches our kids to feel bad, but rarely teaches them howto "do good". If you are encountering the same misbehaviors over andover again, your child is clearly not learning from their mistakes. Tofacilitate learning, make certain any consequences used are directlyrelated to the misbehavior. For example, when your child is rough with

the computer, computer time is over; when your child is splashingwater out of the tub, bath time is over; or when your child is goofing offwith their food, dinner is over. Again, do these quickly, but kindly.

Thank and Appreciate Your Child for What They Do Children wantto please and they want to know that their contributions make adifference. Remember to tell them soand often.

Learning how to motivate our children to want to be well-behaved takes time

and practice. Yet, taking the time now to learn these parenting tools can saveyou years of heartache and frustration. Keep reading, keep practicing, andkeep empowering that three-year-old of yours: then watch their behaviorchange for the better!

Kelly Nault, MA award winning parenting author of When Youre About To Go OffThe Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With Youinspires moms to put themselvesfirstfor the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivatechildren to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her freeonline parenting course here.


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Parenting Potty Training Tips ForGirls

By Kelly Nault

Parenting Question

My older daughter turns 4 in a few days and still has very little interest inpotty training.

Initially, I was waiting for her to lead the way by showing interest. Her sisterwas born when she was 27 months old, and I didnt feel that eitherimmediately before or after the birth was a good time for either of us to startpotty training. Time dragged on, until I started finding myself getting angryabout changing her dirty diapers just after she turned 3. One day, I decided itwas time for her to start using the toilet. The first few mornings, she threw a

tantrum about wanting a diaper, but then she accepted wearing underpants. Imade up a chart and let her put stickers on it for going in the toilet. There wassome success, but as time went by, the success rate declined. She becamemore and more resistant to reminders to go to the toilet.

Earlier this year, our family decided to move house, and I could see this wascausing my daughter some stress. After talking to other moms, I decided toremove the potty pressureso I asked my daughter whether she would like towear diapers or underpants. For a while, she chose to go back to diapers.After three weeks, she asked to go back to underpants. I tried be neutralabout her decisions and to keep my input low-key and supportive. Myhusband and I praised her verbally when she succeeded. But the same thinghappened.

I know my daughter is very bright, strong-willed, and likes to push my buttons.She is also very sensitive and cautious. She is genuinely afraid of sitting ontoilets without a childs potty-seat on top, but we dont make her do that if shedoesnt want to. We either take her potty-seat with us to friends houses, orallow her to choose to wear pull-ups when we go out. Occasionally, we havegotten so frustrated that we have coerced her (for example, no lunch until yousit on the potty)despite knowing that negativity should never be part of thepotty training process.

I did some research and found that the only way of eliminating resistance is toeliminate whatever your child is resisting against. So I've tried beingcompletely neutral about the whole thing and to show no negative reaction to'accidents'. Maybe I havent tried long enough, but the accidents just seem togo on and on. Eventually, I cant start showing disapproval and getting angryagain. This week, she is back in diapers because I am so tired of dealing withthe wet and dirty clothes (to be honest, the seemingly pointless resistancebugs me much more than the laundry). Obviously, my behavior is enablinghers and together we are creating this cycle, but I dont know how to change


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it. Help!"

Mom Seeking Potty Training Tips for Girls

Positive Parenting Tip from Clinical Counselor and Award

Winning Parenting Kelly Nault

Dear Mom Seeking Potty Training Tips for Girls:

Phew! I am tired from just reading about your experience, so I can imaginehow frustrated you must be! The good news is that potty training tips for girlsare essentially no different from potty training tips for boys.

Firstly, good for you for doing some research on resistance. I do believe yourdaughter is resistingbut not what you think she's resisting. She's actuallyresisting growing up. Youve brought a new baby into the home and, to an

oldest child who used to be the onlychild, this can be traumatic. Yourdaughter is faced with the fact that sheis no longer the baby. When thishappens (especially when you have two children close in age and of the samesex), the oldest child may:

Find a way to continue to act like the baby of the family by wearingdiapers.

Look for ways to keep you and your husband busy with her (and nother sister), including the sticker chart and the back-and-forth resistanceyou are experiencing with potty training. Negative attention is better

than none at all.

Effective Parenting Potty Training Tips for Girls Who Resist

Consistently use these five effective potty training tips for girls who are resisting andyour potty training situation will turn around relatively quickly. Be patient and plan forthings to take some time (especially during the first couple of weeks).

Have Faith that She WILL Learn No matter how resistant your daughter isto potty training, she will learn (everyone does). Potty training is one of thekey skills preschoolers need to learn, and they dolearn itbe patient andknow that some learn slower than others.

Stick with Your Decision to Forgo Pull-ups and Diapers As you know,accidents (many of them) will happen. But when kids arent given theopportunity to experience the natural discomfort that comes with wetclothesby using pull-ups that soak it all upthis can prolong the time it


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takes for potty training.

Stay Away from External Reward Systems You don't need stickers toreward your daughter for her success. The rewards of potty training should bethe internal rewards she experiences from feeling good about learning a newskill that comes with growing up. Continue to encourage her when sheremembers to go to the washroom.

Get Her to Help Clean Up When Accidents Happen Continue to notmake a big deal out of accidents. Let go of the many external reminders(verbal and visual) all together. The next time she has an accident, have herhelp you do the washing and thank her for it. Be consistent with this and allowher to learn from the experience of wet pants.

Give Your Daughter More Responsibilities Around the House The moreyour daughter can do around the house to help, the more she'll feel goodabout her position as big sister. Look for ways for her to help you with the

baby and ways for her to help you out with the housework. Then thank her!Give her the opportunity to pass on what she learns to her little sister andyour situation will improve even more. All this can go far in boosting her senseof contribution, responsibility and her desire to grow up.

I also suggest finding a way to let go of your own anger around the pottingtraining issue. It appears you have a very strong-willed daughter on yourhands who is pushing back. The more anger you feel (even when notoutwardly expressed), the more she will resist and push back. Unfortunately,parents who get into this type of emotional tug-of-war lose! If you start to seeher accidents as quality time you can have together doing laundry, you might

feel a shift. I would also highly recommend reading Chapter 7 (Secret toSolving Sibling Rivalry Once And For All) of my parenting book When You'reAbout to Go Off the Deep End, Don't Take Your Kids with You, so you canquickly nip any other future sibling-related issues in the bud.

Kelly Nault, MA award winning parenting author of When Youre About To Go OffThe Deep End, Dont Take Your Kids With Youinspires moms to put themselvesfirstfor the sake of their children. She shares time-tested tools that motivatechildren to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! Sign up for her free

online parenting course here.

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