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Interpersonal Mushiness: The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other MindLines Terence Brake TMA World │ Head of Learning and Innovation
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
MindLinesTerence Brake
TMA World │ Head of Learning and Innovation
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
One of the reasons that a company like TMA
World exists is to help increase virtual
velocity.
I’m not talking about the speed of technological
connections…
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
I’m talking about the speed to human connectivity, in
other words, the speed at which we can create accurate
shared understandings about our experiences.
I’m not saying we would agree with each other’s
experiences, but we would each have a clearer
understanding of one another
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
Even when working face-to-face we might not come to know and understand each other very well.
The virtual dimension just adds another layer of complexity to building relationships.
Working in a virtual network, as many of us do, requires partnering
Partnering requires what Gervase Bushe in his book Clear Leadership calls ‘collaborative organizing’.
His intent in the book is to addresstwo problems detrimental to collaborative organizing:
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
We each create our own experience although we sometimes think others create it.
We each have a unique experience, so who is having
the right experience?
We are sense-making beings and make
up stories about others so that we can
fill in the gaps of what we know about
their experience.
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Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
The result is ‘interpersonal mush’ –
interactions based on stories people
have made up about each other, but
have not checked out.
The antidote is interpersonal clarity
generated from learning conversations in
which we get to explore and more
accurately understand each other’s
experience (e.g. our experience
with the project or of working together).
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
With interpersonal clarity we are able
to change and improve our
communication, problem solving
and conflict resolution.
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
Virtual space is one big petri dish for forming
and developing stories about those we may
never meet in person.
Typically, virtual communications
give fewer clues about each other and given
differences in cultures and
communication styles
our stories can be extremely
distorted and damaging.
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
Where there is interpersonal mush, we often find
unresolved conflicts, hidden agendas
that destroy trust, misperceptions and
misunderstandings that have never
been corrected…
and lots of issues that have not been
surfaced and explored.
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
And so, virtual velocity is our speed in achieving interpersonal
clarity (human connectivity) in our virtual space.
Here are some tips on minimizing interpersonal mushiness:
• Use a variety of tools to gain insights into one another, and not just e-mail e.g. social media, instant messaging, telephone and video chat
• Communicate frequently and allow some time for wandering off-topic
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
Here are some tips on minimizing interpersonal mushiness:
• Slow down your instinct to make sense of others by filling in gaps (and there are often many gaps in a virtual space). Live with the uncertainty rather than make up stories that are usually inaccurate
• Adopt an ongoing learning mindset rather than one seeking the answer and now!
• Share information about yourself before asking others to share, demonstrate your goodwill and trustworthiness. Give trust to get trust
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
• Give colleagues a chance to show and tell, e.g. by exchanging pictures or biographies online. Use these as a platform for asking getting-to-know-you questions. Be curious and respectful, not aggressively intrusive
• Resist giving first impressions too much power; appreciate that people are complex and not one dimensional
• Engage in dialogue rather than debate. A dialogue is a means for expanding and deepening understanding not finding closure
Here are some tips on minimizing interpersonal mushiness (cont’d):
Interpersonal Mushiness:The Unproductive Stories We Make Up About Each Other
There will always be some interpersonal mushiness
– even with those closest to us –
but successful collaboration will be built on
engaging with reality rather than fantasy.
To learn more about how TMA World can
help your organization, please contact us at
or visit
http://www.tmaworld.com/training-solutions/
