To the Wife Who’s Ready to Run .

8/18/2019 To the Wife Who’s Ready to Run .

1/12

31/01/2016 To the Wife Who’s Ready to Run . . .

http://www.nittygr ittylove.com /to- the- wi fe- whos- ready- to- run/#sthash.tVj 51ps7.pYOBH LW g.qjtu

TO THE WIFE WHO’S READY TO RUN . . .June 9, 2014 by Michelle Lindsey — 33 Comments

This post is for the wife who is ready to bolt. The one who’s

fed up and sick of f eeling alone. I agree, it’s unfair that you

are disregarded. I feel so strongly about it because I was

once there, but the strange thing is . . . I can barely recall it.

Things have changed so much in my marriage that it’s hard

to picture how miserable I felt. I get chills down my spine

when I think about how close we were to quitting. At this

moment, as I type this post, I’m waiting for my husband to

return from a business trip, and I happen to be counting the

hours until I see his face. I am so glad we ended up in this

place.

There are so many reasons to stay

This is the guy I fell head over heels for when I was eighteen. This is the guy I waited for while he served

two years in Korea while in the Air Force. He’s the one I grew into adulthood with. He’s the one who

occupies my best memories. He’s the father of my children. Those children love us both and I want them

to enjoy us without dealing with the fallout of divorce. I want to enjoy my grandchildren with my husband.

OME BOUT US C TEGORIES SUBMIT N RTICLE

CONT CT

http://www.nittygrittylove.com/contact/http://nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/about/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/submit-an-article/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/contact/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/submit-an-article/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/about/http://nittygrittylove.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/author/michelle/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/


2/12


http://www.nittygr ittylove.com /to- the- wi fe- whos- ready- to- run/#sthash.tVj 51ps7.pYOBH LW g.qjtu 2

He and I are the ones who made them, after all.

People like to say, “Don’t stay for the children.” Well why the heck not? They are only my flesh and blood

and dearer to me than anything on this earth. God doesn’t ditch me when I treat him horrible. So I want to

reflect that kind of love to my husband and my kids. Call me crazy, but knowing God is with me no matte

what inspires me to love my husband and children that way.

Feelings are a pathetic measuring stick

I talked with a lady at the park the other day who told me she has been married for twenty years. She told

me that she thought about getting a divorce eleven years into the marriage because she was so unhappy

She felt ignored and unappreciated. She was totally fed up with being a wife. I asked her if she was glad

she stayed married; she told me she was. 100%.

I asked her what changed through the course of their relationship that made such a positive change. She

told me that it was the tough times that drew them close. They realized they needed each other in order t

face the world, which can be pretty harsh. They wanted their children to have a refuge to come to when

things got crazy for them. She told me she wasn’t giving in to her emotions. Her feelings were not going t

steer her anywhere.

What do we base our decisions on?

Even though they came to a point where there was very little affection and no feelings of love, they stuck

it out. They stayed. Does this sound like misery? Is it cruel to expect two people who happen to be

unhappy to stay together? What if one spouse is unhappy and the other spouse still feels in love? Who d

we defer to? We have to base our marriage on something more solid than our feelings.

Tim Keller states in his book, “The Meaning of Marriage,”

Two-thirds of unhappy marriages will become happy within five years.

I found this to be so true in my own marriage. It was also true for the lady at the park. She told me after a

few years, she forgot how unhappy she once felt. She could only feel grateful for the change she saw in

her spouse, and the maturity that he displayed after so many years of working through problems and

celebrating small victories.

“


3/12



Bio Latest Posts

Putting our heart in it’s proper place

It was refreshing to hear these words of hope. There is a reason divorce is so rampant these days. We

are taught to follow our hearts from toddlerhood. (Thank you Disney.) Our hearts change like the wind. It

dangerous to let emotions sway us so much.

I say tell your heart to zip it, and rely on something more trusting. Wrap your marriage in the Gospel and

see how much easier it is to forgive, love, and most of all, stay. I’m not suggesting you live a cold

existence without emotions. Loving and feeling passion is good. Divorcing because you’ve moved on and

feel happier elsewhere is bad. Giving and receiving affection is healthy. Deciding you need a different,

better kind of love (that makes you feel good) is bad.

The last thing the lady at the park said was,

Never let your temporary feelings make permanent changes.

That is amazing advice. Let’s be slower to make rash decisions. Let’s serve others instead of demanding

to be served. Let’s love our spouses instead of complaining that they don’t make us feel happy. Don’t

throw your history and your future away all at once. Just take a few breaths and take inventory of your

blessings. The statistics are in your favor—you’ll probably one day look across the room and be grateful

you stayed.

UPDATE: Read my follow-up post here.

Filed Under: Marriage

38 Comments 1

“

http://-/?-http://-/?-https://disqus.com/home/inbox/https://disqus.com/home/forums/nittygrittylove/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/category/marriage/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run-a-response-to-backlash/


4/12



• •

MN •

What do you do though when you're spouse isn't Godly? What do you do when he degrades your childre

and is heartless and cruel? How do you find the good in a man like that? Following scripture and not my

heart. I build a shield between him and them to keep them protected the best I can but I can't always be

there like I want to be. How do you not leave?

• •

Tara •

You do leave. No one should mentally, physically or verbally abuse your children or you!! I believe

in staying married when times are tough and life gets stressful. You get on eachothers nerves, don

see eye to eye, etc etc. However abuse is NEVER acceptable. NEVER.

• •

MYPHOTOLIFE •

Michelle, what would you say about a husband who is a serial cheater And only gets sneakier and better

hiding it? Not even 1 month into our marriage and he began an affair at work. This is what drew me to

Christ and he began attending church w/me. When the dust settled, he returned to his Godless habits and

cheated yet again. Even further from God and in no way a leader of our family, much less a positive role

model to our children, I come to find out recently that he sustained a passionate relationship w/a coworke

for over a year. For most of our decade long marriage, I have felt utterly alone, unloved, and so

discouraged. Yet, because I wanted to do the right thing as I do fear the Lord, and because I am deeply "in

love" w/him, plus we have 3 children together, I didn't give up. He refuses to do counseling or change his

ways, and needless to say, although he says he ended the affair, they still work together. I am done, done

done! I have begged for a shred of attention, for a little bit of love, I sacrificed so much for him and I cannotake anymore. When is enough, enough?

• •

notlostjustwandering •

Sounds like enough, to me! Jesus says in Matthew 19 that it isn't good to divorce EXCEPT in

cases of adultery. As a child of divorced parents, I just want you to know the kids will be okay.

Don't bad mouth your husband/ex-husband in front of them, and they'll figure out for themselves

how wrong his actions were. They'll ask questions, and you can give plain honest answers like

"Well, your father decided to have a relationship with another woman, and then one more, and that

ended our marriage." They'll realize his faults and form their own opinions about, just like I did withmy dad. You are sending a clear message to your kids that it is not acceptable for a man to treat a

woman this way, especially in a professed Christian marriage. I'm sorry this is happening to you,

and it will get better.


5/12



• •

response). Don't just pray about your husband, pray FOR him. He is lost, believing some lie(s) tha

has him caught up in cheating. If you haven't gotten it already, try Stormie Omartan "Power of a

Praying Wife". Regardless of the situation, you are a wife right now. Your prayers for your husban

are still very powerful.

2. "Be still and know that (He) is God". There is a reason all of this is being allowed. Seek God for

understanding and to learn YOUR purpose for this storm. Remember that God is not just your

Father but also your husband's. There is a work going on here for both of you. While you wait,

focus on your relationship with God and being the best YOU (woman and mother) you can be. As

God for direction to leave or stay, and don't go anywhere until you get it.

Beloved my prayers are with you. Staying isn't easy and neither is leaving. Find friends that are

Godly wives/women to be your support through this. Its so easy to blame your husband for all tha

is going on (yes, cheating is fully his choice and fault), but shift your focus from him onto yourself.

What could you do to be a better wife and friend? What emotional baggage do you need to unpack

Are you the woman you want to be, and if not, what is stopping you from being that woman? If he

isn't willing to go to counseling, go by yourself (that's probably best right now anyway).

All of the above is advice people have me while I was going through a similar situation. I'm still

trying to figure things out, but God hasn't given me direction yet so I'm taking it that He wants me t

be still.

Expect the best!

• •

Jaclyn Suzanne •

you need to run. I think this article is complete bull shit. It is HER perception of Marriage.

Not reality. Great things worked out for HER but that's not the case for everyone who gets

married. Im living proof. I wouldn't have my son If I didn't leave my husband.

• •

Jessica Graves •

Agreed! I wouldn't be here or my children if my mom hadn't left her no good (druggi

to this day) husband! Sometimes there are reasons to run! Yes, too many people

throw down divorce papers too quickly. There are plenty of good reasons to do so.

Just BC you do doesn't mean your teaching your kids to do the same. I have been

happily married for 11 years and we have been through a lot of horrible stuff. If you

marriage is full of the lack of Godly leadership, adultery, abuse (physical or

emotional), drug or alcohol abuse (especially in front of your kids) then yes, RUN!!

• •

SamH. •

As a child of abuse and watching my mother leave and go back... It makes me sick

to read "Stay, because "GOD" wants you to... Such BS. I do like the article, in term

of a regular couple just kind of falling out. But if your husband is CHEATING and

ABUSING you/your kids, leave his ass !! "God" can shove it, your life and your kid

lives are SO much more important that some invisible being "judging" you! Thank

you girls for saying run! For having some sort of sense and a head on your

shoulders!

https://disqus.com/by/disqus_0Lq2WC7EH8/https://disqus.com/by/disqus_qeM5AZoNjF/https://disqus.com/by/jaclynsuzanne/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1815691203http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1819689256https://disqus.com/by/disqus_0Lq2WC7EH8/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1782335348http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1815691203https://disqus.com/by/disqus_qeM5AZoNjF/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1471569511http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1782335348https://disqus.com/by/jaclynsuzanne/


6/12


7/12



• •

doing. The good may not always be done for me, but it could be how he is a good father to my kids, or ho

he greatly treats my Mom. No matter how bad the situation we are into, I make it a point to find something

good to be thankful for. And like magic, all the negative vibes and emotions are gone, replaced only by

positive affirmations,. :-)

• •

Robyn •

GREAT article. Like Val commented about her marriage - my heart also did a 180 turn. It was sitting in a

pitying and victim mentality that weakened my resolve. It was God who changed my man NOT me.

(imagine my surprise!)

It was through hard learning and a humbled heart that God showed me that He never gives up on people

anyone. If I wanted to be like Jesus, I would have to be willing to do what He did ... stick with my husband

and not give up on him.

Now on the other side of it I can say, unapologetically that I am living inside of the oh so coveted, "Happily

Ever After."

• •

Jaclyn Suzanne • this is the dumbest thing I ever read. I am divorced and I am 100% happy with MY decision to leave my

ungreatful ex-husband who never gave me the time of day. I know things aren't supposed to be perfect,

but I am not going to reduce myself to nothing for anyone let alone a MAN. Completely disagree with this

article. I think it takes a weak and dependent person to STAY with someone.

• •

Guest •

Unfortunately , you are missing the point of her article.

• •

Crandolf •

After several years of feeling under appreciated, biting my tongue and working on it and waiting and hopin

and praying, I have decided to move on. It was the hardest decision of my life.

We married young ... and have 2 girls. I think the tipping point was realizing that our unhappiness was

becoming understood as "how marriage works" to them. They're at that age.

I want to be happy and healthy again - for me - for my girls - and I now know that it's going to take leaving

to begin to make this happen. It was so devastating to face but the truth is, we will be happier apart and,

better parents, too.

It took a LONG time to get here, but now that I am - I can finally see hope.

Caitlin •

I think if you're dealing with an abuser, of any kind, you aren't doing yourself or him/her any favors by

staying and allowing them to continue to abuse you. You should remove yourself and let them be alone to

deal with their issues on their own. They will do 1 of 2 things, find someone else to abuse, or seek real

help. Well, this is of course after they realize they can't talk you into coming back.

https://disqus.com/by/disqus_SJGqJ8tgNt/https://disqus.com/by/crandolf/https://disqus.com/by/jaclynsuzanne/https://disqus.com/by/upwithmarriage/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1824246736https://disqus.com/by/disqus_SJGqJ8tgNt/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1773233700https://disqus.com/by/crandolf/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1782332007http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1816996227http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1782332007https://disqus.com/by/jaclynsuzanne/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1427400462https://disqus.com/by/upwithmarriage/


8/12


9/12


10/12



• •

had two mental health professionals tell me that staying with my husband is doing more harm than good to

my son.

And seems to think that along with working 40 hrs a week, I'm supposed to keep the house spotless and

be his "fun toy".

But from what you wrote, I should stick this mess out? At the expense of my sanity and my son's well-

being? That's what God intended and wants?

• •

Tami •

My husband of 7 years is verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my three twenty something adult

children. I have been beat down so far that I can't seem to pick myself up from this, I am depressed to the

point that the most days I can barely get out of bed. He has taken control of pretty much every aspect of

my existence, I have no resources and counseling did nothing to help. This is my second marriage and hi

and I really don't want to go through another divorce. Help me please!

• •

Jen •

Thank you, Michelle! Marriage has been rough these last couple of years, but I do wait expectantly for better times ahead. I do see progress, even if it's much, much slower than I would like. :) I appreciate the

value you place on staying even though it's not popular in today's world.

• •

Gaby •

What do you recommend to do when your spouse feels a better and happier person alone!? I feel like

regardless of all the change I have made in my life and how much i have matured I will never be able to b

a good wife for him since he can only see my mistakes. I may have not been a good partner a year ago

and I have not been the best wife I know I can be, but I am making changes to my every day life and feel

happier with who I am becoming but I feel like every time we try to work on the relationship we have he

builds us up to shoot me down...do I walk away?! I spend alot of time reading the scripture and praying bu

I am ready to give up and I don't want to but I become so discouraged that walking away seems easier

• •

JJ •

I think the meaning of this post is not for women or men who are going through abuse, persistant cheating

etc.. It is for a marriage in which one person simply feels unhappy. Which surprisingly can happen even

without those situations. We all become complacent even in marriage. Great post!

• •

TX girl •

After 22 years, I looked across the room and was glad I left. I agree that this is not a decision that should

be made on a whim. However, the only life that is available to me is the one that is lived in my heart and

between my ears. The amount of peace that I now have is my measuring stick. Marriage is too complex t

be summed up in a few paragraphs...many women should stay, some should run.

Amanda •

https://disqus.com/by/disqus_aXFVK6viwE/https://disqus.com/by/loriboyce/https://disqus.com/by/disqus_mIn6MNB8xg/https://disqus.com/by/gabvi/https://disqus.com/by/disqus_MRVAxi7efE/https://disqus.com/by/disqus_0gMIfNeTxm/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1855390256https://disqus.com/by/disqus_aXFVK6viwE/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1871464998https://disqus.com/by/loriboyce/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1970804889https://disqus.com/by/disqus_mIn6MNB8xg/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-2078152136https://disqus.com/by/gabvi/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-2114030355https://disqus.com/by/disqus_MRVAxi7efE/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-2195171527https://disqus.com/by/disqus_0gMIfNeTxm/


11/12



• •

. .

husband deployed. This was his second long deployment, but just one of his many times away from us.

While he was away last year he met someone and although he assures me there was no sexual cheating

he definatly connected very strongly with her emotionally. The moment he stepped of the airplane I knew

something was wrong. After questioning him I eventually found out about this other woman. To make a

long story shorter…he just couldn't seem to get over her. He remained in contact with her for months. I

would find out about the phone calls and texts, and he would feel guilty but would ultimately continue

contact. Our relationship was bad. I could tell he was not "into me" anymore. Fast forward to now…it has

been 11 months since he has come home. He claims that he no longer talks to her (and I do believe him)and that he does love me and wants to try to forget her and work on our marriage. But honestly, I still feel

like something is off. I am struggling through all the heartbreaks…I am not even sharing half of the story

here…I want to forgive, but I am wondering if maybe he really did just fall too much in love with her and it

past the point of no return. I have always thought that we have had a great marriage, but he came home

saying that he has never felt the way he felt with her, with me. So it just makes me feel like he is staying

with me out of duty not love. He is a very busy man, but he puts hardly any effort into our marriage. For

example, I didn't even get a birthday card, much less a gift for my birthday, and although we did go out las

night for Valentines Day (first date in literally months!) there was no card, gift or any romantic gesture. He

rarely makes an effort to touch me or listen to what I am saying. It is like he loves me out of habit, but

doesn't make an effort to care on purpose. I feel like he just exists with me and there is no real connection

anymore. Will this feeling pass or should I just realize that he is not into me anymore and I shouldn't keep

trying? Maybe this is just what happens after 10 years of marriage? Or maybe it is just me still feeling hur

He has been home for just about a year…and he still struggles with thoughts/feeling about her. Do I keep

hanging in there and wait for him to "stop loving her", or leave and show I won't put up with him loving

someone else? It has been a year though…You would think that he would have gotten over her already!

Sorry for the long post….

• •

disqus_z1kNAH9AK5 •

I want you to know that I read your post and am praying for you and your husband and your

beautiful marriage. If ever in this life there is one thing worth fighting for and protecting with the

ferocity of a spartan warrior, it is the marriage and vows we make to our spouse and God.

• •

sandy •

You have found unselfish solutions to a problem which can seem very personal. Thank you for your

wonderful advice and sharing your encounter with that wise woman in the park. Most of the time....I think

healing and saving a marriage is a matter of choice. So Thank you.

E-Mail Address GO

SUBSCRIBE BY EM IL

https://disqus.com/by/disqus_0i3r9YAOQl/https://disqus.com/by/disqus_z1kNAH9AK5/https://disqus.com/by/disqus_aXFVK6viwE/https://help.disqus.com/customer/portal/articles/1657951?utm_source=disqus&utm_medium=embed-footer&utm_content=privacy-btnhttps://publishers.disqus.com/engage?utm_source=nittygrittylove&utm_medium=Disqus-Footerhttps://disqus.com/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1829655034https://disqus.com/by/disqus_0i3r9YAOQl/http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1855390256http://www.nittygrittylove.com/to-the-wife-whos-ready-to-run/#comment-1882834198https://disqus.com/by/disqus_z1kNAH9AK5/


12/12


Welcome! We’re so glad you stopped by. We'reTayler and Michelle: a 22-year-old wife, and a wife

and mama who’s been married 23 years. There's

no fluff here—just crazy stories, bits of insight

we've picked up along the way, and

encouragement to help you fight for your

marriage. Learn more about our stories here.

OUR SPONSORS

FFILI TES

SE RCH

Search the site ...

LIKE US ON F CEBOOK
http://nittygrittylove.com/abouthttp://twitter.com/nittygrittylovehttp://www.nittygrittylove.com/feedhttp://pinterest.com/nittygrittylovehttp://instagram.com/nittygrittylovehttp://facebook.com/nittygrittylove

Date post:	07-Jul-2018
Category:	Documents
Upload:	mike-bb
View:	217 times
Download:	0 times

To the Wife Who’s Ready to Run .

Documents