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www.toastmasters.org
TOASTMASTERTOASTMASTERFEBRUARY 201
Use your enthusiasmto get results.
LEAD WITHA SMILEPage 16
20 THEPOWER OF
STORYTELLING
22 MAKECONNECTIONS
THROUGH
SMALL TALK
15 TIPS FORDELIVERING
BAD NEWS
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2 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
TOASTMASTER
www.toastmasters.org
WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
PUBLISHER
MANAGING EDITOR
SENIOR EDITOR
ASSOCIATE EDITOR
JUNIOR WRITER
EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
ART DIRECTION
GRAPHIC DESIGN
Daniel Rex
Suzanne Frey
Paul Sterman
Mary Nesfield
Jennie Harris
Julie E. Kim
Susan Campbell
Deidre Gaffney
The TOASTMASTER Magazine (ISSN 00408263) is published monthly byToastmasters International, Inc., 23182 Arroyo Vista, Rancho Santa Margarita,CA 92688, U.S.A. Periodicals postage paid at Mission Viejo, CA and additionalmailing ofce. POSTMASTER: Send address change to The TOASTMASTER
Magazine, P.O.Box 9052, Mission Viejo, CA 92690, U.S.A.Published to promote the ideas and goals of Toastmasters International, a
nonprot educational organization of clubs throughout the world dedicated toteaching skills in public speaking and leadership. Members subscriptions areincluded in the $36 semi-annual dues.
The ofcial publication of Toastmasters International carries authorizednotices and articles regarding the activities and interests of the organization, butresponsibility is not assumed for the opinions of the authors of other articles.The TOASTMASTER magazine does not endorse or guarantee the productsit advertises.
Copyright 2012 Toastmasters International, Inc. All rights reserved.Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is prohibited.Not responsible for unsolicited material.
Toastmasters International, The TOASTMASTER and the ToastmasterInternational Emblem are trademarks of Toastmasters International registeredin the United States, Canada and many other countries. Marca registrada enMexico. Printed in U.S.A.
TI OFFICERS AND DIRECTORS
Founder Dr. Ralph C. Smedley(1878-1965)
International President
International President-Elect
First Vice President
Second Vice President
Immediate Past President
Executive Director
Secretary-Treasurer
John Lau, DTMKuching, Sarawak, Malaysia
George Yen, DTMTaipei, Taiwan
Mohammed Murad, DTMDubai, United Arab Emirates
Jim Kokocki, DTMSaint John, New Brunswick, Canad
Michael Notaro, DTMAlameda, California, USA
Daniel RexMission Viejo, California
Sally Newell CohenMission Viejo, California
2012-2013 OFFICERS
James Sultan, DTMKirkland, Washington
Assigned to Region
Mike Barsul, DTMSan Francisco, California
Assigned to Region 2
David McCallister, DTMFort Worth, Texas
Assigned to Region 3
Patricia Hannan, DTMWahoo, Nebraska
Assigned to Region 4
Andrew Little, DTMNew Berlin, Wisconsin
Assigned to Region 5
Lori Lococo, DTMNiagara Falls, Ontario, Canada
Assigned to Region 6
Viki Kinsman, DTMOakton, Virginia
Assigned to Region 7
Kristina Kihlberg, DTMPompano Beach, FloridaAssigned to Region 8
Wendy Harding, DTMFredericton, New Brunswick, CanadAssigned to Region 9
Don Griffith, DTMPhoenix, ArizonaAssigned to Region 10
George Thomas, DTMDoha, QatarAssigned to Region 11
Mike Helm, DTMPerth, Western Australia, AustraAssigned to Region 12
Balraj Arunasalam, DTMColombo, Sri LankaAssigned to Region 13
Joseph Gomez, DTMPetaling Jaya, Selangor, MalaysiaAssigned to Region 14
2012-2013 DIRECTORS
TOASTMASTERSINTERNATIONALP.O. Box 9052 Mission Viejo, CA 92690 U.S.A.
949-858-8255 Fax: 949-858-1207
Voicemail: 949-835-1300
www.toastmasters.org/members
CONTACTING WORLD HEADQUARTERS
For information on joining
or building a club, visit: www.toastmasters.org
Article submission: [email protected]
Letters to the Editor: [email protected]
To change address, log in to:www.toastmasters.org/members
CONNECTING WITH PEOPLE
I joined Toastmasters in 1990 to
enhance my presentation skills and
inspire clients to see the value of doing
business with my company. Before I joinedToastmasters, my companys presentationsuccess rate was 40 percent; two years after
I joined Toastmasters, the success rate roseto 80 percent. I attribute this success to
connecting better with clients, and doingso with higher energy. Clients do business
with our company because our companyconnects with them.
My business presentations and conversa-tions revolve around the common interests
and values of my clients. My approach is
compromise and agreement rather than conict and disagreement. It isthrough listening to clients needs and concerns and sharing experiences thatI communicate the value of the services and products our company provides.
My personal experience tells me that making connections requires identify-ing with people and relating to them in a way that increases our inuence. It
requires that we communicate in theirworld and in theirlanguage. Actions,tone and style communicate far more than words. As speakers, we strive tomake audience members feel good.
Similarly, as club leaders, we can listen to our members needs and concerns.We can share our stories about how Toastmasters has transformed our lives
by improving our communication and leadership skills. As members, we canshare with friends how Toastmasters programs nurture, excite and empower
us, and help us to excel every day.People follow what they see instead of what they are told. They will go
along with someone they can trustone who exhibits conviction and goodcharacter. You are the best advertisement for your cause. If we want to con-
nect with people, we must become the kind of people with whom others
would like to connect. We need to be consistent in how we portray ourselves,with what we communicate and by how we live.
In our organization, club membersnot board membersare the most
important people. I am passionate about listening to and meeting theirneeds. We all must celebrate each others success and praise and applaud any
achievements. By doing so, we stay connected with our fellow members inToastmasters, where leaders are made. T
VIEWPOINT
Before I joined Toastmasters, my companys
presentation success rate was 40 percent;
two years after I joined Toastmasters, the
success rate rose to 80 percent.
JOHN LAU, DTM
International President
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3TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
February 2013 Volume 79, No.2
Since 1924, Toastmasters International has been recognized as the leading
organization dedicated to communication and leadership skill development. Through
its worldwide network of clubs, each week Toastmasters helps more than a quarter
million men and women of every ethnicity, education level and profession build their
competence in communication so they can gain the confidence to lead others.
By regularly giving speeches, gaining feedback, leading teams and guiding others
to achieve their goals, leaders emerge. They learn to tell their stories. They listen
and answer. They plan and lead. They give feedback and accept it. They find
their path to leadership.
Toastmasters International. Where Leaders Are Made.
DEPARTMENTS
2
VIEWPOINT: CONNECTINGWITH PEOPLE
BY JOHN LAU, DTM
International President
4 LETTERS
5 MY TURN: PROPOSINGA NEW LIFE How I overcame a chronic illness
and got the girl.
BY DARREN CAWLEY, CC
6 AROUND THE GLOBE
1 0 PROFILE: JOHNNY THOMAS:HES GOT HEART Transplant recipient promotes organ
donor awareness.
BY JULIE BAWDEN-DAVIS
15 HOW TO: DELIVER BAD NEWS 5 tips to soften the blow. BY CHRISTINA MIRANDA
26 MANNER OF SPEAKING:STEPPING OUTSIDE THE MOM ZONE An audition leads to self-discovery.
BY CHRISTINE CLAPP, DTM
30 FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT:I AGREE WITH YOU, DEAR How happy couples communicate
(yes, there is such a thing).
BY JOHN CADLEY
31 THE TRAVELING TOASTMASTER
2822
16
16 LEADING WITH A SMILEA positive attitude and enthusiasmmake for better business.
BY LINDA ALLEN, ACS, CL
22THE ART OF SMALL TALK
8 tips for improving your conversation skills.
BY PATRICIA FRY, ATMS
FEATURES
TABLE OF CONTENTS
ARTICLES
12THE KEY TO CONNECTING
A good speech is a conversation. BY JOHN KINDE, DTM, AS, AND
LOREN EKROTH, PH.D.
20 PICTURE THISUse storytelling to plant sensoryimages in peoples minds.
BY CAREN NEILE, PH.D., ATMS
28 MAKE EM LAUGH! Educate your audience byentertaining them.
BY LINDA HENLEY-SMITH
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4 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
LETTERS TO THE TOASTMASTER
to never use a joke you didnt write.Many of us are not as creative as
Judy Carter, especially at the begin-ning of our Toastmasters experience.I use other authors comedic materialall the time. I think of myself as theMilton Berle of Toastmasters!
But anyone using someone elsesmaterial should give credit to theauthor. If the author is unknown, thensay so.
Humor is a great way to make astatement stick in the minds of audi-ence members. So go ahead and useanother persons jokejust give himor her credit!Richard J. Major, DTM
Syracuse Toastmasters
Syracuse, New York
BeingUnderstood
Paddy Kennedy is spot-on in heradvice to ESL (English as a SecondLanguage) speakers in her article Ac-centuate the Beat (November). Shesays they need to master the soundsof English ... harmonious to our
English-speaking ear, and not neces-sarily overcome their foreign accents,in order to be easily understood bynative English speakers. Ms. Kennedy
is to be commended for pointing ESLlearners in the right direction.S. Zafar Iqbal
SRI Organon Toastmasters
Menlo Park, California
Respectful Reminder
The article Its About Time by JohnZimmer (July) reinforced a timely
message to me as a Pacic IslandToastmaster. There is no such thing
as Papua New Guinea time or Fiji
InspiringIntroverts
After being told that I am passiveby several people, I found Michelle
Tylers article about introverts, TheQuiet Leader (December), a great
read. I was inspired by ToastmasterStacey Shipman, who noted in the
article how important it is to explainto the people she works with how she
makes decisions. I have struggled asan introvert and never thought of sim-
ply explaining my thinking process tothose around me.
I will be a student teacher in thespring, and I plan to explain to the
teacher I will work with that I solveproblems differently from how many
others do it. Thank you for this article!Heather Anderson, ACG, ALB
Dawn Yawn ToastmastersLakewood, Colorado
Speaking Out
Thank you for the informative articlesabout introverts (December). I, too,
am an introvert and have noticedthat Toastmasters clubs are full of
introverts. I love that new positiveinformation is being revealed by in-
troverts such as Susan Cain. As a lifeperformance coach, I have consid-
ered narrowing my niche to focus onworking exclusively with introverted
professionals.Yvonne Hart, ACS, ALS
Energy Capital Club
Oak Ridge, Tennessee
Where Credit Is Due
I found the article Lighten Up Your
Speech by Judy Carter (October)both enlightening and usefulwith
one exception being her statement
time when one attends a Toastmas-
ters meeting. As the article says, Ifyou dont respect time, you are not
respecting your audience.A modied version of Benjamin
Franklins famous quote about notsquandering time is this: Dost thou
love thine audience? Then go not overtime. These words reect the advice
of a visionary leader.Ofa Swann Tabunakawai, ACS, CL
Capital Toastmasters Suva
Suva, Fiji
HonoringMy Father
I joined Toastmasters just over a year
ago. In the last year, I have managedto participate in many Table Topics
sessions, I have learned how to create
a prepared speech, and Ive learnedadditional skills to enhance my deliv-ery. Recently, I was asked to perform
the eulogy at my fathers funeral. Imanaged to write and present the eu-
logy, and although I was still anxious,I was not terried, as I would have
been a year ago.I want to thank Toastmasters for
being there to give me the condenceand knowledge to perform the eulogy.
It has provided me with one memory
I will never forget, as well as a way tohonor my father.Rob Woods
City Centre Toastmasters club
Prince George, British Columbia, Canada
I love that new positive information is being
revealed by introverts such as Susan Cain.
Yvonne Hart, ACS, ALS
Do you have something to say?
Write it in 200 words or less.Include your name, address andclub afliation, and send it [email protected].
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5TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
MY TURN
Darren Cawley, CC, is a speakerbased in western Ireland. He travels
throughout Europe to talk aboutthe importance of transplants.
PROPOSING
A NEW LIFE
inseparable, despite the fact that Ispent up to ve hours every other
day in a hospital. Holidays were rare,and I could not work full time. After
several years together, discussion ofmarriage was constantly in the air.
But I refused to consider making thiscommitment while on dialysis. The
thought of waking up in the morningafter my wedding to go on dialysis
was unbearable.Over time, I realized I wasnt prac-
ticing what I preached. In my speeches,I talked about the power of positive
thinking and the great benets of beingproactiveno matter what life throws
at you. It was time I walked my talk.In January 2011, I was due to
give a motivational talk in Prague,at a conference focusing on dialysis
and transplants. Someone would betranslating my speech to the audi-
ence. Meanwhile, I was looking forideas on where I might propose, and
the conference organizer, Jitka, talkedme into proposing onstage! It would
certainly test my resolve and all I hadlearned in Toastmasters.
Before my speech, I explained tothe translator, Professor Lopot, that
I was going to propose at the end ofmy talk and he would be translat-
ing to the audience exactly what washappening. He was delighted for me,
wished me luck and appeared morenervous than me! The speech went
very well, and when the time came forme to get on bended knee, Aoife said
yes. When we looked down at the 120
guests present, there was Professor
Lopot and Jitka smiling, and an audi-ence of mainly women, crying.Getting sick showed me that ad-
versity can lead to all kinds of riches.It has molded me into a positive role
model for others who may be in adark and lonely place, and it has
taught me that anyone and everyonecan make a difference. Toastmasters
gave me the technical speaking skillsand the courage to believe in my own
abilitywhich, in turn, allowed me
to deliver a speech, and then proposemarriage in front of a large audience.Exactly one month after proposing,
while about to go shopping for anengagement ring with Aoife, I received
the phone call Id been waiting nineyears for. I would be the recipient of a
transplant. My Gift of Life has been awonderful success. Ive received the goodhealth Ive always wanted, and Im con-
tinuing to try and make a difference byspeaking about my life experiences.
Because of the guidance I have re-ceived through Toastmasters, I can tell
my story well. Because of my donor, Ican now give the crowd a happy end-
ingand just like in the movies, I gotthe girl in the end. T
By Darren Cawley, CC
How I overcame a chronic illnessand got the girl in the end.
I
t was an optician who spotted
it rst. I was in my second year at
the University of Bedfordshire inBedfordshire, England, where I was
studying for a degree in sport andtness. I was 20.
What that optician spotted in myeyes was serious enough for him to send
me straight to the hospital. My visionwas deteriorating due to incredibly high
blood pressure, and test results revealedI had chronic end-stage renal failure.
Just the day before, I believedmyself to be t and healthy; less than
two weeks later a dialysis machinewas keeping me alive. No easy transi-
tion for a young Irish man living in adifferent country.
A few years later, with plenty of upsand downs in between, I began to get
involved with organizations such asthe local Lions Club. Rather than mull
my story over in my head, I decided toshare it. I began visiting schools and
speaking to young people about goodhealth practices, donor awareness and
living with a long-term illness. Thatswhen I joined Toastmasters.
Toastmasters did so much to sharp-en my speaking abilities and con-
dence. I became an effective speaker,spreading my positive message to area
businesses, organizations in Irelandand other groups in Europe. I even
had the great honor of speaking at theEuropean Parliamenttwice.
It was around this time I met
Aoife, and she and I quickly became
Darren Cawley and Aoife.
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6 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
BOTTOM LINE
INTERNATIONAL
INTERPRETATIONSDANDY CANDIES
AROUND THE GLOBE
Receiving MultipleMagazines? Many members receiveduplicate copies of the Toastmastereach
month because of multiple club memberships.
To cancel extra subscriptions, or to reroute
them to another address, notify membership@
toastmasters.org.
February Board of DirectorsBriefing In a change from previous years, therewill be no public Board briefing nor streaming video
of the briefing in February. Instead, results of the
Boards discussions and decisions will be shared
online at www.toastmasters.orgon February 25.
Save the date!
WHATS THE BUZZ?
MENTORING IS ESSENTIAL, BUT HARD TO DEFINE.WHICH APPROACHES WORK?
Members contributed to the discussion on the LinkedIn Official Toastmasters
International Members Group:
A mentor provides how to advice and honest feedback and simply is a friendly face
in the room. It is important to have a mentor who is experienced enough to knowwhat the member needs and at which stagefrom the newbies who want to know
what to do, to the pros who need to be reminded that they arent perfect. AMANDA SEBASTIAN
WINDSOR TSO TOASTMASTERS, WINDSOR, ONTARIO, CANADA
Here are some of my basic tips for mentors: Spend more of your time asking
open-ended questions, which require more than a yes or no answer. Actively
listen to the person you are mentoring; dont be busy making notes or thinkingof your reply. Treat them with respect as an equal.
DOUGLAS WILKS, CC
PLAINLY SPEAKING CLUB, PLAINS, MONTANA
In July 2012, members of New Orleans Toastmasters celebrated the 70th
anniversary of their clubs charter with a party at the National WWII Museum
in New Orleans, Louisiana. John Weeks, DTM, pictured center behind the
clubs banner, received a lifetime achievement award for his 52 years as a
faithful club member.
SNAPSHOT
Kids love candy. But theyre notthe only ones with a sweet tooth:
Adults also crave sugary confectionsand desserts, and depending onwhere in the world you live, certainspecialties are in demand.
For example, salty licorice ispopular in Sweden, and marzipanis popular in Germany. Europeans,and in particular the Germans,Swiss and British, are also the topconsumers of chocolate.
Dulce de lecheis a caramelizedmilk candy thats a favorite in many
Central American countries. TheChinese enjoy their milk candy aswell, but wrapped in a thin sheet ofedible rice paper.
In addition, many MiddleEasterners consume Turkishdelight, a jellied sweet thatsflavored with rose water or fruitand often contains nuts such ashazelnuts or almonds.
Yum!
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7TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
MEMBER MOMENTTYING THE KNOT,
TOASTMASTERS STYLE
Jesse Oakley III, DTM, and Dana
Wall-Oakley, DTM, celebrated theirwedding on July 1, 2012the same
day he became a district governor andshe earned her DTM award. Later that
month, they enjoyed their honeymoonat the Toastmasters International
Convention in Orlando, Florida. Bothare members of clubs in Las Vegas,
Nevada. Jesse is an associate materi-
als engineer for the Nevada Depart-ment of Transportation, and Dana is atransportation dispatcher for Wyndham Vacation resorts. Jesse answers a few
questions about the experience.
Why did you celebrate your honeymoon at the 2012 convention?
The International Convention was part of our honeymoon. Dana recommendedgoing to Orlando for our honeymoon after she took a trip to Disney World for
her birthday. When we found out that the International Convention was goingto be there, we thought that was a pretty cool bonus. Seeing Epcot [one of the
Disney World theme parks] and going to the International Convention were awinning combination.
What are the pros and cons of being married to a Toastmaster?For the pros, we both have the same interest and appreciation for the Toastmasters
program. This allows us to become better listeners and communicators within ourjobs and our marriage. The cons of being married to a Toastmaster are the at-home
evaluations. While there may be some positive points, there are always areas forimprovement. Fortunately, the evaluations have a good impact on our marriage.
Do you count each others ahs and ums?
Only when I get in trouble. An early lesson I learned is that the wife is right and
if she isnt happy, then no one is happy.
LANGUAGE TIP
SMS 101
Much to the dismay of gram-
marians, Short Message Service
(SMS) language, also known as
texting language, has found a
home in the English lexicon. Get
familiar with SMS if you want
to communicate online or swap
text messages with the young
people in your life.
Pictograms and logograms
use letters or numbers to repre-sent whole words. For example,
i
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8 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
AROUND THE GLOBE
IN THIS MONTHLY
COLUMN, Accredited Speakers
and Toastmasters World Cham-pions of Public Speaking share
lessons learned.
Jim Key, DTM, a member of the
Lennox International Toastmas-ters in Richardson, Texas, won the
2003 Toastmasters World Cham-pionship of Public Speaking.
How does a speech
contestant choose the
best speech topic?
Contestants must clearly denetheir objectives; consider the
experiences, causes and mes-sages that stir their passions;
and choose the most importanttopic to share. I can choose a
topic Im passionate about, butit might be off-putting to a good
portion of the audience. If I do[choose that topic], I need to ac-cept the fact that my chances of
winning the contest may be di-minished. When I nd the topic
that stirs me and that will servethe audienceand its one that I
can communicate memorablythen my chances for success will
increase dramatically.
FACTS WORTH KNOWING
Are You Connected?Your fellow members are sharing ideas on Toastmasters Internationals
social networking sites every day. Member participation is shown on
the chart.* For links to all official Toastmasters social networking sites,
visit www.toastmasters.org/socialnetworkingand join the virtual
conversation today!
ADVICE FROMTHE EXPERTS
FROM THE ARCHIVESDr. Ralph C. Smedley and his wife, Frances, got married in 1905. They are pictured
here at a function.
TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF TOASTMASTERS TRIVIA!On February 20, answer the question posted on the
Toastmasters International Official Facebook Fan Page at
www.facebook.com/ToastmastersInternationalOfficialFanPage
to be entered into a drawing for a prize. Good luck!
32% The Official Toastmasters International
LinkedIn Members Group
28% Twitter @Toastmasters
19% The Official Toastmasters InternationalFacebook Fan Page
8% The Official Toastmasters International
LinkedIn Group
7% The Official Toastmasters International
Facebook Members Group
6% The Official Toastmasters International
YouTube Channel
Member participation varies across the sites:
*Member data compiled on December 20, 2012.
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9TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
No one has the potential
to influence a members
experience like a mentor. Aruna
Ankem, ACS, a member of the
DHS Toastmasters club in Little
Rock, Arkansas, shares how her
mentor has helped her.
Why did you join Toastmasters?
I am a software programmer for
the Arkansas Teacher Retirement System. I joined Toastmasters
to improve my communication skills and to overcome my fear of
speaking to those outside of my close circle of friends.
Tell us about your mentor. Carey Schaller, DTM, has been my
mentor since I joined Toastmasters in April 2010. Proofreading is
part of the work he did while employed by the Arkansas Department
of Human Services, and I benefit from his meticulous checks on my
written speeches. Not only does he correct grammatical errors, he
also suggests which words to stress and how to enunciate them.
This is especially helpful since English isnt my native language. I also
appreciate his words of encouragement and Deep Cleansing Breathand Smile reminder just before I begin a speech.
How does Carey give feedback? When I speak, I see an occasional
spark in Careys eyes. This tells me he is acknowledging certain high-
lights of my speech. He pays particular attention to how I pronounce
words and offers quick feedback, sharing his observations of what
I did well, and what didnt come out so well.
What is your favorite thing about Carey? It is hearing his humble
words Always glad to help you!
DR. SMEDLEY SAYSToastmasters founder Dr. Ralph C. Smedley sharedmany insights worth remembering, such as:
You are not a real member of
a group until you take your
part in a conversation.
Q: What inspires you?
A: Throughout my life,Ive been deeply inspired
by one man: Sir EdmundHillary, a New Zealander.
He became the rst personto climb Mount Everest, the
worlds highest mountain.As a 10-year-old boy, thisfeat red my imagination.
To be a New Zealanderbecame very special. To
succeed when so manybelieve something cannot be
achieved became a burningbeacon. Hillary had his share
of disappointments, but theyonly strengthened his desire
to learn new skills, improve
his stamina and, ultimately,succeed. Toastmasters offersyou the opportunity to build
outstanding abilities foryour future, abilities to not
only achieve successes butto inspire others by your ex-
ample. Hillarys achievementis a legacy of inspiration for
future generations.
MENTOR
MOMENT
LEN JURY, DTM,
PAST INTERNATIONAL PRESIDENT 199798
LEARNING ABOUT
OUR PAST .. .INTERNATIONAL
PRESIDENTS
Dr. Ralph C. Smedley18781965
Aruna Ankem, right, credits mentor
Carey Schaller for improving her writing
and speaking abilities.
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10 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
When Johnny Thomas,ACS, CL, was shot during
a battle in Vietnam in 1966,the bullet narrowly missed his heart.His resulting injuries bafed medical
professionals.Thomas, a retired United States
Army sergeant major and PurpleHeart medal recipient, says, The
doctors had no idea how the bullet hitmy chest on the left and ripped up the
kidney on my right side, but I knew.
He had a small Biblea gift from
his motherin his left breast pocket
where the bullet ricocheted and dam-aged his kidney.
Except for telling his doctor and
mother, Thomas kept his story tohimself for more than 20 years untilhe developed a heart condition that
would result in several surgeries andeventually a heart transplant. Though
Thomas heart escaped a bullet, otherphysical stressors stemming from
combat, such as losing a kidney andhaving undiagnosed diabetes, led
to his rst heart attack in 1988. Heunderwent open heart surgery in 1989
and was discharged from the mili-
tary after 24 years of service. Subse-quently, Thomas found it difcult tond work as a disabled veteran with
heart disease, but he found a lifelineto latch ontoToastmasters.
I felt I had a story to tell, and Iwanted to share it, says Thomas,
who now is president of the MiamiLakes Toastmasters club in Miami
Lakes, Florida. Though I didnthave a problem standing in front of
people and talking, I wanted to learn
to communicate better and to orga-
nize my thoughts. Thomas also was
impressed by the respect club mem-bers had for one another. I learned
how to show more compassion [for
my fellow Toastmasters] than I hadbeen accustomed to displaying as asergeant major, without diminishing
who I was.
Waiting for a Heart
Over time, his Toastmasters involve-
ment was hampered by illness, andThomas was eventually put on a wait-
ing list to receive a heart transplant.During his wait, doctors sought to
keep him alive by implanting a ventric-
Johnny Thomas:HES GOT HEARTTransplant recipient promotesorgan donor awareness.
MEMBER PROFILE
By Julie Bawden-Davis
ular assist device known as HeartWare,which kept his heart pumping.
The miraculous device was con-nected to the base of my heart, and
the associated hardware went every-where with me, including to bed,
says Thomas, who wore the devicefor more than 15 months. After his
heart transplant, he appeared beforea U.S. Food and Drug Administration
(FDA) panel in Washington, D.C., toshare how HeartWare gave him pre-
cious time. He credits his Toastmas-ters training for helping him speak
effectively to the FDA panel.While the HeartWare machine
physically enabled Thomas to survivemonths of waiting for a heart, his
wife, Lillian, and Toastmasters friendshelped him with the emotional conse-
quences of being on a list of 100,000names that ranks transplants accord-
ing to the highest need.One day I started worrying that
I might never get a heart, but thenmy friends and wife encouraged me,
and I began to think about howsomeone had to lose his or her life
to save mine, says Thomas. Withthat sobering thought, I reected on
the donor and his or her sacrices.Soon after, the call came that they
had a heart for me.In an unusual twist of fate, the
doctor who performed Thomas22-hour heart transplant surgery
I learned how to show more compassion
[for my fellow Toastmasters] than I had been
accustomed to displaying as a sergeant major,
without diminishing who I was. Johnny Thomas
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11TOASTMASTER
FEBRUARY 2013
in August 2011 is from Vietnam.Dr. Si M. Pham grew up duringthe war in a small village in central
Vietnam near Cam Ranh Bay.I left the country when I was
19 years old, the day the northVietnamese took the south on April
30, 1975, says Pham, a professorof surgery and biomedical
engineering at the Chief Divisionof Heart/Lung Transplant andArticial Heart Program at the
Miami Transplant Institute. UntilI left Vietnam, I had lived my life
witnessing the death and destructionof war, but I was also old enough
to appreciate democracy and liberty.I am glad I had the opportunity to
present Johnny with a token of myappreciation for his sacrice
by performing his surgery.The fact that Thomas is alive is
a miracle, according to Pham, whonotes that Thomas prior multiple
open heart operations created scartissue that made the transplant
surgery difcult. Recovery was alsorough. His new heart didnt work
immediately after the transplant,which happens in 3 to 10 percent
of cases, so Thomas was connectedto a heart-lung machine for ve
days to support his body while thedonor heart recovered. He spent
50 days in intensive care beforegoing to a rehabilitation center.
MIAMI LAKES, FLORIDA, USA
Johnny Thomas, the recipient of a heart
transplant, regularly speaks about the
importance of being an organ donor.
Spreading the Word About
Organ Donation
Today, Thomas is doing well with his
new heart and regularly speaks aboutbeing a heart donor recipient.
Rosetta Rolle Hylton is a com-munications coordinator for the Life
Alliance Organ Recovery Agency at the
University of Miami, which is one of58 organizations in the U.S. that pro-cure organs and tissue for transplants.
She says, Johnny puts a face on whatwe do, which really helps with organ
donation.The rst time Johnny spoke for [the
agency], he had the heart machine on.After the transplant surgery, he came
back to speak and showed a picture ofhimself before the surgery, says Hylton.
The powerful image of how far hes
comethanks to a transplant and hisspiritual messagemoved the audience,many of whom were brought to tears.
Organ procurement agencies in theU.S. are afliated with 82 hospitals that
perform 500 transplants a year. Hyltonsays one organ donor can save eight
lives, and if the person is also a tissuedonor (bone and skin), the donation
can potentially have a medical impacton 250 people. Anyone, except an indi-
vidual with HIV, is a prospective donor.
Jeanette Eggleston, DTM, a mem-
ber of the Miami Lakes Toastmastersclub, comments on Thomas powerful
message: Watching Johnnys struggles,including how he survived ill health
while waiting for a heart and attendedmeetings with his heart machine, is
inspiring. He delivers a message that
needs to be told about the importanceof organ donations.Thomas many experiences as a
heart recipient give him ample compel-ling material for his speeches, such as a
chance meeting with a kidney trans-plant recipient at the doctors ofce.
He discovered, when chatting withher, that they each had received organs
from the same donor.It is such stories of hope and com-
passion that Thomas plans on continu-ing to share. I was wounded and sur-
vived a heart transplant for a reason,he says. The real heroes are those who
die and save lives, and I will continueto spread the word about the impor-
tance of being an organ donor. T
Julie Bawden-Davisis afreelance writer based in Southern
California and a longtimecontributor to the Toastmaster.
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12 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
THE KEY TO CONNECTINGA good speech is a conversation.
By John Kinde, DTM, AS, and Loren Ekroth, Ph.D.
a messenger delivering memorized
words. Be in the moment. Be authentic.Be conversational. Some of the best
speeches are unplanned, or in-the-moment, perhaps because the speaker
tossed the notes aside and spoke fromthe heart.
Think of conversation and publicspeaking as complementary. Each one
enhances the other. Everyday conver-sation requires you to think on your
feet, or from your seat, and be spon-taneous but not rambling. Having the
condence of knowing you can controlyour message, and thoughtfully adapt
As you become a better speaker,
you become more skilled in conversa-tion. When you become a better con-
versationalist, you become a strongerspeaker. One skill reinforces the other.
The power of conversational deliv-ery is its tendency to make you more
believable, and more likeable.Excellent advice comes from Bryant
Pergerson, DTM, a nalist in the 2007Toastmasters World Championship of
Public Speaking: Think of your audi-ence as a friend sitting across the table.
You wouldnt preach to him as thoughyou were giving a speech. Dont be
Good speech-making is like
a good conversation. If youthink a great speech is mainly
a performance, think again. Effectivedelivery, even to a large audience, is
intimate. Your delivery should beconversational.
However, in most public speak-ing, there is little give-and-take verbal
interaction. When presenting a 20-min-ute speech at a Rotary or Toastmasters
club, the speaker typically does all thetalking. In a workshop, however, the
leader or facilitator may actually speakless than the participants.
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13TOASTMASTER
FEBRUARY 2013
it to different audiences, is derived
from public speaking experiences. For
a rambling converser who too oftenspeaks without forethought, develop-ing these skills is immensely valuable.
The Value of Eye Contact
It seems obvious when youreengaged in a conversation with one
person that youre involved in a one-on-one process of communication.
When youre engaged in this typeof conversation, you are focused
resist the temptation to spray theaudience with eye contact. The key is
to focus on one person while com-pleting a thought. In a one-on-one
conversation, its easy to do, but it ischallenging to maintain good eye con-
tact while speaking to several peopleat once. If you remember to complete
a thought before moving your eye toanother audience member, youll make
a true connection with the audience.The active listener sends nonverbal
signals to the speaker through facial
The Smile
Toastmasters founder Ralph Smed-
leys well-known quote We learn inmoments of enjoyment speaks to theissue of conversational delivery. Bodylanguage and facial expression are keyelements of turning a speech into aconversation. From a distance, watchtwo people who are having a conver-sation. If theyre having a good time,theyre likely to be smiling. When wemove a conversation to the stage, ournervousness often causes us to lose thesmile. Students of the performing arts
are trained to smile under pressure.While youre singing, dancing or oth-erwise performing, smiling is unnaturaland a skill that must be learned andreinforced. Chorus directors remindthe singer to put your face on! Danceinstructors insist that you do the stepswhile showing the fun.
So it is with public speaking. Whenfaced with the challenge of remember-ing your words while still connectingwith your audience, smiling does not
come automatically. It does comewith practice, however. As DarrenLaCroix, 2001 World Champion ofPublic Speaking, says, Its all aboutstage time, stage time, stage time. Itsthe training and condence youvedeveloped through hard work thatmakes it possible to be conversationaland to look like youre having a goodtime in the spotlight. A look of stressdoes not make for a conversationalperformance. When youre smiling and
having fun, so is the audience, and theconversation is brought to life.The best public speaking also
requires listening to your audience.Public speaking coach Lee Glicksteindevotes many pages to how a speakershould listen in his book Be HeardNow! How to Compel Rapt AttentionEvery Time You Speak. Heres one ofhis insightful comments: Most peo-ple assume that charisma is a kind ofsparkling condence that only certain
on your conversation partner. Youreyes dont wander when someone
else enters the room. Dedicated eye
contact makes a connection moreintimate.Similarly, in public speaking,
dedicated eye contact, like the kindused in a one-on-one conversation,
creates a connection. This is accom-plished by making eye contact with
one person in the audience at a time.This technique of locking in eye con-
tact with one individual connects thespeaker with every member of the
audience. When you have that trueconnection, others in the audience
feel included. They get the impres-sion you are talking to them. This
is because the person youre mak-ing eye contact with is a member of
the group. Members of an audienceshare a sense of community, so when
you connect with one, you connectwith all members of that group.
When speaking before a group,avoid the trap of thinking youre
speaking to several people at once, and
expressions, smiles, nods of agreementor questioning looks. The listener
may not be speaking, but he or she
is still communicating. If you are notmaintaining eye contact, youre miss-ing out on feedback provided by the
audience. This idea contradicts thenonsense of yesteryear, when speech
instructors advised speakers to lookover the heads of the audience or,
worse yet, to visualize audience mem-bers naked. The best public speaking
is heart to heart as well as mind tomind. It requires not only seeing your
audience, but seeing that you are be-
ing seen by them.An audience member experiencingconversational eye contact feels a con-
nection with the speaker that other-wise wouldnt be there. Avoid giving a
robotic, memorized speech, deliveredthe same way regardless if you are
speaking to an empty room or onefull of listeners. Effective eye contact
gives the speaker the feeling of havinga conversation rather than the feeling
of giving a speech.
I believe charisma isnt something we project,
but a way we listen.
public speaking coach
Lee Glickstein
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14 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
people can radiate. I believe charisma
isnt something we project, but a waywe listen. Such deep listening creates
the quality of a thoughtful, attentiveconversation that really connects.
An obvious difference between aone-on-one conversation and a speech
is the issue of projection. With a largegroup you clearly have the added
challenge of projection. You may befocusing on speaking to one person at
a time, but the entire audience muststill hear you. Eye contact will help
you maintain a conversational style ortone of voice, but you are responsible
for projecting that style to the entireaudience. With practice, you will learn
to project while maintaining a conver-sational tone.
Verbal Style
Another difference between conversa-tion and public speaking is the level
of formality in words and verbalstyle. Your choice of language level
should meet the requirements of theoccasion.
Generally, public speakers are expect-ed to employ a more formal tone, one
that has been planned and rehearsed. Aconverser uses a more casual tone, one
that can include slang, nicknames andstanding jokes known only to those per-
sons in the conversation. If an intimatevernacular is used with a stranger or
client, it inappropriately suggests a rela-tionship that doesnt exist. Similarly, if
you use a formal language with friendsand family, it implies social distance
that doesnt t. But a public speakerwho seems rehearsed may seem phony
to others who expect spontaneity andeven some pauses lled with umsand
ahs. Yet, for most public speaking, acasual tone is too loose and thereforeinappropriate.
Authenticity of Character
Listeners of conversers and audiences
of speakers share a common desire:They seek authenticity from these mes-
sengers. They want speakers to be real,
people who speak from the heart, folksthey can admire and emulate.
In his ancient treatise on the art ofpersuasion, Rhetoric, Aristotle identi-
ed three aspects that determine an or-
ators ability to persuade. First amongthem was ethos, the character andcredibility of the speaker. The other two
werelogos(reason) andpathos (ap-peals to emotion). Aristotle was highly
critical of the Sophists of his time,speakers who manipulated audiences
through clever words and appeals toemotion. He considered them hucksters
who, despite all their rhetorical tricks,lacked personal credibility.
Dr. Albert Schweitzer, a German
philosopher and physician, capturedthe essence of character as a source ofpersuasion in these words: Example
is not the main thing in inuencingothers. It is the only thing. As in con-
versation, when speaking in public,authenticity of character is important
if your words are to have impact.Over a century ago, in 1904, legend-
ary speech professor James A. Winansestablished the independent depart-
ment of Oratory and Debate at Cornell
University in Ithaca, New York. Duringthat more formal time in our history, hehad the prescience to claim that public
speaking is extended conversation. Heunderstood that to be most effective,
public speaking has to be personal andheart to heart.
Becoming a better speaker meansbecoming a better conversational-
ist. Public speaking and conversa-tion are partners and collaborators,
two somewhat different but always
complementary modes of humancommunication. T
Loren Ekroth, Ph.D., known as
Dr. Conversation, lives in LasVegas, Nevada. For more informa-
tion, visit conversationmatters.com.
John Kinde, DTM, is an AccreditedSpeaker and a humor specialist
living in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Using effective nonverbal
communication is crucial
to delivering an engaging
speech. Your body language
is part of your presentation;
it helps to maintain the
interest of the audience.
These tips will help:
Work those facial muscles.Your facial expressions
reinforce the emotional
tone of your speech. Frown
to show disappointment,
raise your eyebrows to
demonstrate surprise and
smile broadly to express
enthusiasm.
Make gestures consistent
with words.Make yourgestures match what you
are sayingfor example,
if you are speaking about
a bird you saw in the sky,
point your arm upward in
that direction.
Move with purpose. Move
around on stage rather than
stand stiffly in one spot.
But when you move, do sofor a reason: For example,
walk to the other side of the
stage as you transition to a
new topic, or move toward
the audience as you ask a
question.
Editorial Staff
BOOST YOURSPEECHWITH BODY
LANGUAGE
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15TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
HOW T0
Christina Mirandais a principalat New York-based Redpoint
Marketing PR and author of themarketing education blog redpointspeaks.com. Visit redpointpr.comtolearn about the rms PR expertise
in the travel, hospitality, culinary,home furnishings and design
industries.
HOW TO DELIVERBAD NEWS
3Consider the timing carefully.
Procrastinating often makes itworse (especially if rumors about the
announcement are circulating), butrushing to break the news just be-cause you want to put it behind you
comes with great risk. A knee-jerkcommunication is usually delivered
with clouded judgment, high emo-tion and a lack of due diligence. Most
importantly, consider when this newswill best be received. Bad news is
never welcome, but before you decideon the ideal time, consider factors
such as time, day and your audiences
state of mind.
4Avoid misdirection and trickery.
Its tempting to load up bad-news
communication with a bunch of goodnews in the hopes of distracting your
audience. However, it will only dam-age your listeners trust in you. You
may choose this path because doingso will make you feel better (See?
Im not that badlook at all the goodthings Im still sharing.), but to the
news recipient, it just looks wishy-washy and weak. And in many cases,
it can give the appearance of trivial-izing serious news and not treating it
with the respect it deserves.
5Remember that nothing is
confidential.Emails can be for-warded, and social media is designed
to be the worlds fastest grapevine.Whatever you dowhatever you
saybefore you go there, answerthis question: How would I feel if
50 million people knew about this
tomorrow? Nothing tames you intoacting gracefully like the thought of
being vilied by an outraged public.United Airlines (among other compa-
nies) learned this lesson the hard way.
Above all, you must remember thatno matter how you spin it or when
you say it, your audience wont likeit. Thats why its called bad news.
It would be irrational for you to tellyour customers youre raising prices
and have them respond with Noworries, we dont mind. So be realis-
tic. If you expect to deliver bad newsand have people walk away happy,
this will not work out well for you.And that brings us to the last point:
Delivering bad news is not about you.The recipient does not want to hear
about how you were up all night belly-aching over delivering this news or
that it gives you no pleasure to do this.Asking for their empathy at a time like
this will likely result in their wantingto smack you. Let them have their mo-
ment of sadness without trying to stealsome sympathy. T
By Christina Miranda
5 tips to soften the blow.
A
s a business leader, are
raising your prices? Cutting
services? Not giving out staff
bonuses this year? Putting an employeeon probation?
No one wants to deliver this kind
of unwelcome newsor be the recipi-ent of it. But sometimes its a neces-
sary evil of doing business, and yourethe unfortunate soul who has to bear
the burden. Here are ve tips to miti-gate the drama:
1Let your own emotions run their
course before sharing the news
with others. You may not like oragree with the news you must deliver,but there is a reason it needs to be
done. Come to terms with it so youdont bring your negative emotional
energy to the communication. Youraudience will take its cue from your
approach, and if youre defensive,nervous, weepy or angry, it will only
fuel a negative response.
2Restrict your buildup and get
to the point. By the time people
get through six long paragraphs ofposturing and pussyfooting in youremail or press release, they are on
high alert, and lled with negativeemotion. So when you nally hit them
with the unpleasant punch line in thatlast paragraph, their adverse reaction
is intensied by the emotions youalready nurtured in them. The same
thing holds true for verbal delivery.Often, the anticipation is worse than
the actual news.
s a business leader, are you
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16 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
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17TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
I give more work than Im paid for because
the job gives me the quality of life I crave.
Aaron Malin, Kicker global trainer
caricature with the big grin for the
greater good. Joes smile is even onT-shirts and sweatshirts worn by
people around the world. Clark, theman behind the success, is enthusiastic,
with high energy and an infectioussmile. He is so serious about positive
leadership that he teaches Smiles 101,an orientation required for all new
hires and a yearly refresher for allmanagement employees.
A positive attitude and enthusiasmmake for better business.
By Linda Allen, ACS, CL
LEADING WITH
A SMILE
which is also the topic of his book
Love Works: Seven Timeless Prin-
ciples for Effective Leaders. Manby is
the president and CEO of Herschend
Family Entertainment, the largest U.S.
family-owned theme park corpora-
tion, headquartered in Norcross,
Georgia. In the business context, he
views love as an action rather than
an emotion, and says the best way to
run an organization for success and
personal fulllment is with love.
Manbys appearance on the TV
show Undercover Bossinuenced his
philosophy. As the featured boss in
a 2010 program segment, he inter-
acted anonymously with employees
and learned about their personal
goals and struggles. That experience
spurred him to expand the companys
employee assistance program to be
more accessible to families in need.
Steve Irby, CEO of Kicker, has also
created a workplace environment guid-
ed by a positive attitude and respect
for all employees. Kicker, like Eskimo
Joes, is based in Stillwater and has an
international presence; the company
manufactures and sells a growing list
of high-performance audio and com-
puter products in many countries.
Employees want to be appreci-
ated, recognized and considered in
company policies, says Irby. To make
Happy, positive leaders motivate
others. Their enthusiastic approachand caring attitude benet their em-
ployees and team members, which ulti-mately benets the client or consumer.
We coach, teach and preach hap-piness so our employees will practice
it with our guests and suppliers, saysClark, who has been in business for 37
years and employs nearly 500 people.If were not excited about what we
do, we cant make people feel good.The Eskimo Joes restaurant is a
popular college hangout. The publicface of the company is Eskimo Joe, the
Clark wants his company to be awin-win experience for guests and
employees, many of whom are college
students. I want my employees toleave knowing how to be a part of asuccessful team and with the idea of
serving others. One of my proudestmoments is when someone comes up
to me and says, I loved working foryou. Can I come back?
Labor of Love
At the 2012 Toastmasters Internation-al Convention, keynote speaker Joel
Manby spoke about leading with love,
Its not my job. Its my joy!
Thats how Stan Clark answered a
question about his business successin a television interview. Clark is the
CEO of Eskimo Joes, an internation-ally known retail company and res-
taurant based in Stillwater, Oklahoma.What a difference one letter makes in a
words meaning. People who view theirwork as a joy rather than a job can do
great things.
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18 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
that happen, company leaders need
to communicate that they care. Our
focus is on people as people, which
gives employees security and generates
a happy person at work and at home.
Being enthusiastic and positive are
also qualities that Kicker looks for
when hiring new employees. What
were doing should be fun, exciting
and creative, and we attract people
who like that work environment,
Irby says. Attitude is a big factor
when we hire. We want motivated
employees who are self-starters.
Aaron Malin is an example of such
an employee. A global trainer at Kicker
and a member of Pacesetters Toast-
masters in Stillwater, Malin values
Irbys macro-management from the
top, which makes employees personally
accountable and responsible and fosters
great loyalty. I love my job! To work
for a man with character, vision and
purpose is far greater than working for
money, Malin says. I give more work
than Im paid for because the job gives
me the quality of life I crave.
Eyeing the Bottom Line
While Clark, Manby and Irby lead
organizations that respect and appreci-
ate their employees, they all point out
that they have to pay attention to the
nancial bottom line to remain in busi-
ness. When employees dont meet job
responsibilities and company standards,
the situation has to be corrected. All
agree that talking to employees in these
situations should be done on a one-to-
one basis, privately and with respect, in-
formation and encouragement. But they
also recommend praise and recognition
to motivate employees to do their best.
Leading with happiness is the ideal,
but the reality is that even happy
leaders face challenges and problems.
Businesses and organizations operate
in cycles. The job or responsibility may
not be fun all the time. Irby advises set-
ting an example when you have to do
difcult things. People will model what
they see, so make your actions positive.
THE IMPACT OF ZIG ZIGLARBy Paul Sterman
Zig Ziglar, who passed away last November at age 86, left an indelible
mark in the world of public speaking. The longtime Texas resident
was a hugely popular motivational speakerand authorwho was
admired for his homespun humor, upbeat perspective and clever waywith words. Toastmasters International awarded him its Golden Gavel
award, the organizations most prestigious honor, in 1999.
Ziglar worked as a salesman for many years, selling everything
from insurance to cookware. Delving into public speaking in the
1950s, he pitched a different product: positive thinking. Ziglar was
an indefatigable optimist (he referred to an alarm as an opportuni-
ty clock), and he exhorted people to see the bright side of life, to
look at what they had rather than what they lacked, and to always
keep believing and persevering. He reinforced his message in more
than two dozen books, garnering total sales well into the millions.
Ziglar made a lucrative living from his speaking career: His fee
was $50,000 per speech, and in his busiest years he gave 150presentations a year. The motivational-speaking industry also
owes Ziglar a debt: His extraordinary success paved a path for the
throng of speakers who now populate the field.
Humor was always a central element in Ziglars presentations,
enabling him to mix advice with entertainment. Every seven to
nine minutes, Ill have [the audience] laughing, he once said in an
interview. His folksy witticisms have been well-catalogued through
the years. Here are five of his most memorable sayings:
If you go looking for a friend, youre going to find
theyre very scarce. If you go out to be a friend,
youll find them everywhere.
Expect the best. Prepare for the worst.
Capitalize on what comes.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.
If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.
People often say motivation doesnt last. Neither does
bathingthats why we recommend it daily.
RandyMiramontez/
Shutterstock.com
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19TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
Linda Allen, ACS, CL,is a memberof the Enid Speakers of the PlainsToastmasters in Enid, Oklahoma.
She is a writer, speaker and trainerspecializing in cultural awareness,
professional and personal develop-ment, and leadership.
Companies with positive leadershipoffer more than a paycheck. Skills and
values that can be transferred to futurejobs and life experiences are important
to younger workers, who are lookingfor employment that adds value to so-
ciety and contributes to their quality oflife. Leaders who practice and model
good values typically have an easiertime recruiting team members and
lling positions, and they are likely tohave less employee turnover.
You dont have to be a leader of alarge corporation, department or even
a committee to incorporate happinessinto your work and personal life. The
way you lead your personal life af-fects others in your family, communi-
ty and workplace, either positively ornegatively. Malin practices personal
leadership by mentoring young menentering the workforce.
Live your life as if it is your ownbusiness; it will give quality to your
lifes work, says the Toastmaster. Im
making a life instead of a living. WhatIm doing is not as important as the
attitude with which I am doing it.Whether they call it leading
with joy, happiness or love, positiveleaders are strong bosses who change
attitudes from I have to do thisto I get to do this and I can do
this. When combined with other lead-ership skills and principles like time
management, planning, organization,delegation and feedback, happiness
becomes an asset that inspires strongfuture leadership, whether in business,
community or social activities. T
Reading MaterialHere are a few books, articles
and projects that explore the
topic of positive leadership andrelated themes.
Love Works: Seven Timeless
Principles for Effective Leaders
by Joel Manby,joelmanby.com
The Wooden Way by
Craig Harrison, DTM, the
Toastmastermagazine,
October 2008, www.toastmasters.
org/ToastmastersMagazine/
ToastmasterArchive/2008/October/
Wooden.aspx
The Happiness Projectby
Robert Holden, happiness.co.uk
Happy for No Reason by Marci
Shimoff,happyfornoreason.com
World Champion Speaker, Darren LaCroix and
Hall of Fame Speaker, Patricia Fripp demystifythe process. This step-by-step program is
distilled from years of wisdom gained through
coaching professional speakers, executives
and sales teams.
www.CreateYourKeynoteByNextWeek.com
KEYNOTECREATE YOUR
BY NEXT WEEK
Toastmasters SAVE 25% til 4/30.
Use discount code: TM25
Go Now To:
Want to earn more?
Want to speak more often?
Want to gain more confidence?
Create a better speech!
PATRICIA FRIPP DARREN LACROIX
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20 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
thinking I had done about storytell-
ers in personal encounters was torecognize that many of them werentholding a conversationthey were
holding the oor, often for an intermi-nable period of time.
The reporter asked me if interperson-al storytelling, when done appropriately,
could help someone attract a memberof the opposite sex. I realized that when
I write and lecture about storytellingin large groups, I tend to discuss it as a
form of seduction. So why couldnt it be
used to seduce an individual, whether
for a date, a job or simply attention?And thats when it all started to
make sense. Its been said that ourbrains are hard-wired for stories;
enjoying and learning through storiesis in our DNA. In addition, many of
our earliest relationships and expe-riences center around storytelling
in our families. So it is logical thatstorytellers attract interest and atten-
tion. Storytelling also has an effecton memory, enabling us to hold onto
By Caren Neile, Ph.D., ATMS
The pinnacle of my career
as a professional storyteller mustbe the call I received from a
reporter for the sophisticated womensmagazineCosmopolitan. Fortunately
for all concerned, she didnt ask me topose for the cover. She wanted an inter-
view on the subject of storytelling as aform of interpersonal communication.
At rst, I was surprised. After all,both my storytelling and Toastmasters
training had focused up to that pointon work with large groups. The most
PICTURE THISUse storytelling to plant sensoryimages in peoples minds.
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21TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
Caren S. Neile, Ph.D., ATMS, teachesstorytelling studies at Florida
Atlantic University. She has per-formed and lectured throughout
the world, and has presented ses-sions on the topic of storytelling
at two Toastmasters Internationalconventions.
details longer, in part because they arepresented in a logical sequence.
The most powerful tool in intercul-tural communication is telling a story,
says community activist Lori Vinikoor,DTM, a former Division D governor
and a member of West Boca Toastmas-ters in Boca Raton, Florida. A story is
what people walk away with. Becausestories make you feel, listeners remem-
ber them long after theyve forgottenanything else youve said.
Let me tell you about the
bear and the dog
The act of storytelling naturally
brings people closer. Imagine I am
telling you a story about a bear and a
dog in the forest. In your minds eye,you are most likely picturing these
animals. I havent told you what
they look likebig or small, male or
femalebut you have a general idea
of their physical characteristics, so
you ll in the blanks. In this way, you
are completing, or what storytellers
call co-creating, the story. That gives
you both partial ownership of the
experience and a closer link to me as
the storyteller.
The ability to plant sensory imagesin peoples minds that allow them to
see, smell, hear, feel or taste things
that dont actually exist is a powerful
skill. So is the ability to hold peoples
attention, as anyone looking for love
can tell you.
The topics covered in Toastmas-
ters Interpersonal Communication
manualconversing with ease, nego-
tiating, handling criticism, coaching
and expressing dissatisfactioncan
all be enhanced by the targeted useof storytelling. Heres how:
1Conversing with Ease. One of
the rst steps in conversing with
a stranger is fact disclosure, tell-
ing about your occupation, hobbies,
etc. This would be an excellent time
to give an example of what you do
through a story.
He: I play ice hockey in my
spare time.
She: Oh, I hear thats a rough sport.
He: Not in the pick-up games
I play in. Once I was skating at
top speed when I was knocked
down by another player. Man,
that ice was cold and hard!
Before I could move, the guyskated back to me and told me
how sorry he was. Then he helped
me back up to my feet.
2The Successful Negotiator.
Speaking of ice, the rst step innegotiating with others is to break
the ice. This element of the processestablishes common ground between
the two sides, which is an importantway to build a framework for success-
ful negotiations.She: Hey, did you get caught inthat trafc on the way over here?
He:Yes, it was so slow I didnt think
Id make it. Is it always this bad?
She: Believe it or not, Ive seenworse. Once when I was on that
same road at rush hour on a Mon-day morning, the trafc was at a
standstill. I literally had the car inpark for ve minutes. Needless
to say, I was late for my meeting.
3Diffusing Verbal Criticism.Responding to verbal criticism
in a non-defensive manner requires,
among other things, paraphrasingthe speakers thoughts and feelings.
One way to do this is through story.Repeating the persons story can show
him or her that you have really lis-tened, which can calm the situation.
He: Let me see if Ive got this
right. You came home from workthe other night tired and irritated
from a long day. Before you hada chance to turn on the light, youtripped over my briefcase and
shoes in the hall. You yelled for meto help you up, but I wasnt home.
And that just made you angrier. Isthat what youre saying?
4The Coach. When a supervisor
tries to improve the performanceof an employee, she needs to explain
what needs improving. Highlighting
the problem with the strong images ofa story can be extremely useful.
She: I was driving an important cli-ent back from lunch the other day.
I had almost clinched our deal, butI needed some information from
the ofce. I used the hands-freefeature, which broadcasts what the
person on the other end is saying.When you picked up the phone,
you were giggling so hard youcould barely get out the companys
name. You cant imagine the lookon the face of the client. I now
know the true meaning of theword grimace.
5Asserting Yourself Effectively.
Again, vividly stating the problem
when you are unhappy with a situa-tion can be accomplished effectivelythrough a story, as in the previous
situation.
Beware the Pitfalls
In the examples above, the stories
were short. A person who lls theconversation with stories to the exclu-
sion of anyone elses opinions, feel-ings or own stories may not always
be a bore, but is certainly a boorin
this case. Always remember that con-versation is a two-way street.
Another potential problem is
when the same story is interpreted inseveral different ways, depending on
the listener. To avoid being misunder-stood, be sure you control the mes-
sage of your story, even if you need tosay, The moral of the story is .
When used effectively, storytellingis a powerful tool. By knowing how
it works and what it can do, you can
use it to your advantage. T
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22 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
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23TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
In business, everything starts with a conver-
sation. Whether its making a sale, hiring an
employee or negotiating a lease, excellent
conversational skills are a must. Denise Marinacci, CC
have been many studies showing
that people who see you as similar tothemselves will like you more. In a
social setting, I think the most impor-tant thing to do is to click with the
other person, because thats really theonly way you will open up the doors
to potential friendships, romanticrelationships or even business oppor-
tunities. She adds, The easiest wayto initially click with another person
8 tips for improving your conversation skills.
By Patricia Fry, ATMS
THE ART OF
SMALL TALK
ing ourselves after others and receiv-
ing peer feedback.As weve learned through our
Toastmasters experience, feedback isa powerful tool that can be used to
change poor speaking habits. This isalso true when it comes to conversa-
tion skills. Most people, however,arent comfortable with criticizing the
communication habits of others. Theyarent apt to say to a co-worker, Hey,
stop monopolizing the conversation.Give me a chance to say something.
They dont often say, I hate talkingto you because you never respond to
what I say. You go off telling yourown story all the time without ever
acknowledging mine. You are notlikely to be told when your communi-
cation skills need nessing.Its elementary but worth repeat-
ing: There are two parts to effectiveconversationspeaking and listening.
And both parts require thought andskill. Consider the following tips forbecoming a better, more respected
conversationalist:
1Become more social.For many,lacking conversation skills boils
down to their lack of condence insocial or business settings. Reading up
on how to develop better communica-tion skills can be helpful, but expertsadvise putting yourself in social situa-
Your Toastmasters training
has helped you feel comfort-
able when speaking in front ofa group and self-assured when leading
a meeting or giving a speech. Butwhat about when you are conversing
one-on-one? Does your condencelevel take a dive during your day-to-
day communication with others?There is often more at stake during
casual conversations than in other
more formal situations when you are
more prepared. As Denise Marinacci,CC, of Edmonds Toastmasters club
in Edmonds, Washington, says, Inbusiness, everything starts with a con-
versation. Whether its making a sale,hiring an employee or negotiating a
lease, excellent conversational skillsare a must.
Meaningful communication is anaid to building personal relationships,
as well. Diane Windingland, DTM,of PowerTalk Toastmasters in St.
Louis Park, Minnesota, and author ofSmall Talk, Big Results, says, There
is to nd common groundto show
the similarities between you.Why is it that we receive so little
training to help us hone conversationskills when we rely on this ability
every day of our lives, in so manysituations? You may remember your
parents or grade school teachers say-ing, Dont interrupt when Im talk-
ing or Look at me when Im speak-ing to you. These words of advice
remain valid; but for the most part,our conversational style and habits
werent taught to us. They developedover a period of years through model-
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24 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
communication skills to promote
themselves and their businesses. Fer-guson suggests supporting the interests
of others by not only paying attentionto what is being said in conversation,
but by remembering it and even actingon it. She says, Be aware of whats
happening around you. When you reador hear about something you know
interests someone you have met, tellthat person about it. Get a copy of the
article and share it with the person.This tells him or her that you listened
when they spoke to you and you re-membered what they said.
5Use body language to expressinterest in the conversation.
This seems elementary, but if youreobservant, youll notice that not ev-
eryone follows this good advice. Facethe speaker with unfolded arms. Lean
forward slightly, if you are seated.Make eye contact. Acknowledge
statements with a nod, comment orquestion when appropriate.
6Know when to speak and when
to listen.Conversation should
involve give and take. Each personin a conversation should speak and
listen. Participate, but dont monopo-lize. Sometimes, someone else puts
you in the position of monopolizing aconversation. This person asks ques-
tion after question about you withoutoffering any information in return.
Having someone express that muchinterest in you may be the height
of enjoyment and attery but aftera while, it will begin to feel like an
interrogation rather than a conversa-tion. Avoid interrogating others.
7Be prepared. A good conversa-tionalist engages the listener and
stimulates the conversation. Keepup with trends and current events so
youll have something to talk about.Take a keen interest in others, butalso live an interesting life of your
own. Try new things. Accept unusualinvitations. Volunteer for causes that
when we are thinking about our next
comment instead of paying attention
to the speaker, we are not demonstrat-
ing good listening skills.
3Encourage the other person to
talk.If you want to be considered
a wonderful conversationalist, just
invite others to talk about themselves.
We are all more comfortable speaking
about a subject that is familiar, and
what is more familiar to you than you?
4Ask questions.Start a conversa-
tion or demonstrate your interest
tions as often as possible. Pay attention
to the ow of conversations withinyour business or social circles. Observe
those who seem to be the most effectivecommunicators. What techniques do
they use? How do they relate to othersin the group? Listen to what they say
and notice what they dont say.Instead of arriving late to a Toast-
masters meeting and leaving at thedrop of the gavel, show up early and
strike up a conversation with whom-ever is there. Ask if you can help
set up for the meeting. Stick around
The most important Toastmasters skill is theability to listen. Without the ability to under-
stand others, we fall short in our goal to
communicate with them. Roy Schott, DTM
afterwards, even for a few minutes,and talk to someone before leaving.
Once you feel more comfortable inthis friendly environment conversing
with a stranger, practice your skills byattending a social event
2Be a good listener.This is not tosay you should stand on the out-
skirts of a conversation and just listen.Engage in the conversation. Be attentive
to whomever is speaking, and respondaccordingly by nodding or smiling. Let
the speaker know you have been listen-ing by commenting on the message.
You will gain more respect in social andbusiness circles when you demonstrate
good listening skills.
A good listener is someone whois genuinely interested in what oth-ers have to say. Roy Schott, DTM, of
Scottsdalians Toastmasters in Scotts-dale, Arizona, says, The most impor-
tant Toastmasters skill is the abilityto listen. Our evaluation process
teaches us to be critical listeners andto ascertain what the other speaker is
saying. Without the ability to under-stand others, we fall short in our goal
to communicate with them. Likewise,
in what a person is saying by asking
questions. Open-ended questions elicit
more interesting responses. Thats why
they are called conversation starters.
Crackerjack conversationalists
those people with whom others love to
conversegenerally have good memo-
ries. They pay attention to others. They
take in what they learn about others
and use that information to engage
them in conversation. You might say,
Hi Brad, how was your Hawaiian
vacation last month? Follow up by
asking, What impressed you most
about Maui? or As I recall, the lasttime I saw you, you were applying for
a new job. How did that go? or Hey
Sally, hows that grandbaby? Did you
have a good visit with her in Atlanta?
A follow-up question to keep this con-
versation going might be, What does
it feel like to be a grandmother?
Deb Ferguson, ACB, ALB, is vice
president education for Edmonds
Toastmasters. She is also a member
of the Business Edge Toastmasters, an
advanced club in Lynnwood, Washing-
ton, composed largely of entrepreneurs
and business owners who hone their
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25TOASTMASTER FEBRUARY 2013
Patricia Fry, ATMS,is the authorof 36 books, including Talk UpYour Book: How to Sell Your Book
Through Public Speaking, Inter-views, Signings, Festivals, Confer-
ences and More. Visit matilijapress.
comor patriciafry.com.
interest you. Go back to school. Read.Meet new challenges, and then shareyour experiences within social circles.
Practice what you learn in Toast-masters meetings in regard to story-telling techniques and vocal variety.Hone these skills to hold the interestof friends and business associates dur-ing casual conversation.
Toastmasters meetings provide agood arena in which to prepare forsocial moments. Windingland, of thePowerTalk club, says, Table Topicsprepares me to think quickly on myfeet. Often [in conversations], someone
asks a question and I need to respondright away. Evaluations require thatI listen carefully. And participation inclub and district events gives me prac-tical application for conversations.
8Model yourself after some-
one whose conversation skills
you admire.Who is your favorite
conversation partner? We all knowsomeone who gets positive atten-
tion at social events and business
meetings. Consider the people youlook forward to talking with. Whatmakes them stand out in a crowd?
What are some of his most endearingqualities? How does she make you
feel when youre talking? Study herbody language, opening and closing
statements and speaking style. To im-prove your conversation skills, mimic
someone you consider successful inthis area.
Sarah Norkus, ACB, CL, of TriC-
ity Toastmasters in Fort Lee, Virgin-ia, came to Toastmasters hoping toimprove her public speaking skills topromote her published books, whichare in the Young Adult genre. But inthe process, she gained much more.
What I didnt expect was theadded bonus of improving my
conversational skills, Norkus says.The condence I have gainedthrough Toastmasters has helped
me to converse more naturally withothers. Having intimate conversa-
tions with people about my writinghas actually resulted in more sales
than any sales pitch I tried withmy rst book.
Being a good conversationalistisnt necessarily a natural trait. It
can take thought and practice. Applythese tools and improve your ability
to converse in any situation. T
HELP YOUR CLUB
GET BRANDED!
www.toastmasters.org/BrandPortal
Its easy with these free tools: websites,
marketing materials, logos, images and more.
Toastmasters Brand Portal Toastmasters International Brand Manual
Go to www.toastmasters.org/BrandPortalto downloada printer-friendly copy of the Brand Manual today.
8/12/2019 Toastmaster Magazine 2013-02
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26 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
MANNER OF SPEAKING
Christine Clapp, DTM, is a memberof The George Washington Univer-
sity Toastmasters in Washington,D.C., and president of Washington,
D.C.-based Spoken with Authority,which develops the voice of experts
who want to broaden their impact.Follow her on Twitter @ChristineClapp or spokenwithauthority.com.
STEPPING OUTSIDE
THE MOM ZONE
The topic certainly called to me, as
the imperfect mother of two youngchildrenFinnian, who at the time
was 3, and Beatrix, then 5 months.And the notion of auditioning was
wonderfully terrifying, as I dont havea background in theater and have
never been part of a show.So I signed up to audition and re-
hearsed my story several times a dayduring the week leading up to tryouts.
My heart raced as my station wagoncrawled through a charming northern
Virginia suburb; I squinted to readthe street addresses so I wouldnt miss
the home where auditions were beingheld that evening.
After parking and telling my storyone last time to the steering wheel, I left
the comfort of my Volkswagen, tiptoedthrough a dark front yard and stepped
into a bright front room where furniturewas oriented toward a stagea small
space under an archway that separatedthe living room from the dining room in
a carefully decorated, cozy home.About a dozen women, including
two who were organizing the programfor SpeakeasyDC, gathered in the liv-
ing area and listened as each womantold her story. Some of the stories were
scripted, others memorized and a fewimprovised. Some made me laugh;
others made me cry, and my favoritesdid both.
It was a fun, informal process. Be-
tween speakers, we nibbled on desserts,introduced ourselves and talked about
how the experiences we heard rangtrue to our own. I even met a mother
who was a teacher at my sons school.When it was my turn, I felt naked
onstagethere was no lectern, noconference table, no screen with Pow-
erPoint slides. I stood silent beforestarting my story because I blanked
on my opening line. Then it came.Soon the narrative was owing; I felt
more relaxed and I was enjoying mymoment in the spotlight (or rather
under the arch).I was disappointed to learn my
story wasnt selected. Performing ona real stage before a paying audience
certainly would have been outside mycomfort zone. But I am proud that I
auditioned. I learned that I have thecourage to stretch myself as a speaker,
and I am committed to trying newthings in the future, maybe even step-
ping up to that open mic. I also learnedthat the rewards of going outside your
speaking comfort zone are the peopleyou meet and the stories you hear. T
By Christine Clapp, DTM
An audition leads to self-discovery.
The notion of auditioning was wonderfully
terrifying, as I dont have a background in
theater and have never been part of a show.
Igot my rejection letter
via email: Thank you so much
for auditioning. Unfortunately,we have decided not to use your story
in the show. I really enjoyed your
storyit was well-constructed, funnyand had great suspense, but ultimatelyit did not t in the show.
I earned my Distinguished Toast-
master award in 2008. And althoughI still participate in two clubs, work
on projects from the Toastmasterscommunication and leadership tracks
and present regularly for my business,I was feeling a little too comfortable
at the lectern. I wanted to step outsidemy speaking comfort zone. I wanted
to again feel the unsettling rush ofbutteries in my stomach.
I knew I had found the perfectopportunity when I came across this
post in an online forum for neigh-borhood parents: Ever feel like the
worst mom in the world? Ever pre-tend that screaming kid wasnt yours?
We want to hear your story! Audi-tion to be a part of SpeakeasyDCs
Mothers Day show, Bad MommyMoments: A Storytelling PlayDatefor Moms. Were looking for stories
about motherhood failures, surprises,tough decisions, new bodies, balanc-
ing work and kids and life, losingyourself, nding hope and why
its all worth it.
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27TOASTMASTER SEPTEMBER 2011
ADVERTISEMENT
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28 WHERE LEADERS ARE MADE
There is an adage used in salestraining: If you can make em
laugh, you can make em buy.Humor and laughter are important
ingredients in building personaland professional relationships. In a
sense, you are selling yourself andyour concepts when you speak. To
make your presentation successful,keep attendees on their toes by
incorporating some unexpectedhumorous phrases or funny props
into your speech.Humor inspires and motivates,
liberates learning and maximizesmemory retention. It prepares listen-
ers for receiving information. Veryfew subjects are too serious for a little
levity, and the more serious the con-
tent, the more important it is to breakthe tension. Humor also equalizes, en-ergizes and enhances creativity, which
aids in problem-solving. It breaksdown barriers and puts everyone at
ease, which makes for more produc-tive sessions. However, sensitivity is
always a priority.Using humor can be challenging.
Some are afraid to use it lest theycome across as unprofessional.
This