100:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,000Tonight, I eat a cabbage,

200:00:14,000 --> 00:00:17,000James throws a bird out of a car

300:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,000and Richard forgetsthe abbreviation for America.

400:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,000USB.

500:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,000CHEERING

600:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,000Hello, everybody! Good evening.Thank you so much.

700:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,000Thank you, everybody. Now,

800:00:34,000 --> 00:00:40,000I want to start by talkingabout Denmark because, you see,

900:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,000over the years, this tiny littlecountry has contributed

1000:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,000so much to thebetterment of mankind.

1100:00:47,000 --> 00:00:51,000It's given us interesting furniture,stylish hi-fi,

1200:00:51,000 --> 00:00:55,000amusing children's toysand, of course, this.

1300:00:55,000 --> 00:00:59,000Danish bacon, Danish butter,wrapped in bread,

1400:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,000to create the only known cure

1500:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,000for vegetarianism.

1600:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,000LAUGHTER

1700:01:05,000 --> 00:01:10,000Denmark, however,has never made a car...until now.

1800:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,000Because Denmark hasmore windmills per head

1900:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,000than any other country on Earth

2000:01:16,000 --> 00:01:20,000and because Copenhagenis a cyclist's paradise,

2100:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,000you know exactly whatsort of car it's going to be.

2200:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,000Yeah, well, it isn't.

2300:01:38,000 --> 00:01:43,000I was also expecting Hans ChristianAndersen with windscreen wipers

2400:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,000or The Little Mermaidwith door handles, but no.

2500:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,000What we've got instead is this.

2600:01:56,000 --> 00:02:01,000A 1,086 horsepower orange monster!

2700:02:04,000 --> 00:02:09,000

It's called the Zenvo ST1and it is extremely fast.

2800:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,000It's got a 6.8 litre V8...

2900:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,000..which is superchargedAND turbocharged.

3000:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,000And that's like smearinga habanero chilli with wasabi

3100:02:29,000 --> 00:02:31,000and then garnishing itwith dynamite.

3200:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,000The net result isa speedometer that can't keep up.

3300:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,000It's just a blur.138, 150, 170-something...

3400:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,000My God! No, no idea!

3500:02:48,000 --> 00:02:54,000Apparently, however, flat out,it will do 233mph.

3600:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,000You know those Scandinaviancrime dramas,

3700:03:05,000 --> 00:03:10,000lots of quietly thoughtful people injumpers looking out of the window?

3800:03:13,000 --> 00:03:17,000This is nothing like that.Nothing at all.

3900:03:17,000 --> 00:03:21,000So, it is very definitelya supercar.

4000:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,000And that's a problem

4100:03:23,000 --> 00:03:27,000because who's going to say,"No, I don't want a Ferrari

4200:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,000"or a Lamborghinior a Pagani or a Bugatti

4300:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,000"or a Porsche or an Audi R8or a McLaren or an Aston Martin

4400:03:33,000 --> 00:03:38,000"I would rather spend my moneyon something totally unproven,

4500:03:38,000 --> 00:03:42,000"preferably from a companyI've never heard of?"

4600:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,000I mean, why would you do that?

4700:03:47,000 --> 00:03:51,000It's not like the engine ismade from the tears of an angel

4800:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,000by the gods of scienceand precision.

4900:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,000What's more,it has conventional suspension

5000:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,000and a heavy, steel chassis.

5100:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,000However, because it'sa bit last-week, you can

5200:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,000

have some old-fashionedfun in the corners.

5300:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,000Oh-ho-ho!

5400:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,000'But you can also have an accident.'

5500:04:25,000 --> 00:04:30,000Part of the problem is thatif you engage sport or race mode,

5600:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,000the traction control is disengaged.

5700:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,000Now, this, according tothe - oops - chief engineer,

5800:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,000makes it pretty much undrivable

5900:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,000He's right.

6000:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,000He is right.

6100:05:06,000 --> 00:05:09,000There were also some issueswith quality.

6200:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,000The lights filled with condensation,

6300:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,000the rear brakes didn't seem to beworking properly,

6400:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,000then the clutch went.

6500:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,000So the car had to goback to Denmark.

6600:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,000After a couple of weeks,however, it was mended,

6700:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,000so the Zenvo came back.

6800:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,000But almost immediately...

6900:05:40,000 --> 00:05:43,000a cooling fan went wrong.

7000:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,000Fire, fire, fire! Copy that.

7100:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,000So the car became even more orange.

7200:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,000And that was the end of that.

7300:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,000CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

7400:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,000That didn't do very well.

7500:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,000How much is this thing?How much? Mm.

7600:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,000?800,000. 800?!

7700:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,000LAUGHTER

7800:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,000Yes. Are there any upsides to it?Er, upsides, yes.

7900:06:19,000 --> 00:06:23,000The fire did get rid ofthe condensation in the lights.

8000:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,000LAUGHTER

8100:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,000Apart from the fire?Apart from the fire...

8200:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,000Yes, it's surprisingly comfortableand very quiet.

8300:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,000Well, it would be quiet.It was broken.

8400:06:32,000 --> 00:06:37,000Yes, but amazingly, they havemended it again and it's back again.

8500:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,000And now we can find out how fastit does a lap of our track,

8600:06:41,000 --> 00:06:46,000or rather IF it can doa lap of our track.

8700:06:46,000 --> 00:06:50,000That, of course, means handing itover to our tame racing driver

8800:06:50,000 --> 00:06:55,000Some say that this weekhe is wearing two layers of Nomex.

8900:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,000SLOW-BUILDING LAUGHTER

9000:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,000And that on a recent tripto Cornwall,

9100:07:04,000 --> 00:07:08,000he stopped off for one of hisspecial big wees in Somerset.

9200:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,000

LAUGHTER

9300:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,000All we know is he's called The Stig!

9400:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,000CHEERING

9500:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,000And he's off!

9600:07:15,000 --> 00:07:19,000Cautious start becauseit is soaking out there today.

9700:07:19,000 --> 00:07:23,000Be beautiful, though, if it catchesfire. Right, first corner.

9800:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,000Will it try to bite him?Nothing so far.

9900:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,000Oh, no, wait, there isa bit of a nibble at the end.

10000:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,000DISCORDANT, DIRGE-LIKESINGING ON STEREO

10100:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,000Absolutely no idea whatThe Stig is listening to.

10200:07:39,000 --> 00:07:43,000I do know, however, he is in fullrace mode. No traction control

10300:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,000He is being cautious, though.

10400:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,000Right, through the Hammerhead.

10500:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,000Oh, no, it's stepped out again,

but he has managed to hold it.

10600:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,000God, that is very good driving!

10700:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,000DISCORDANT, DIRGE-LIKESINGING ON STEREO

10800:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,000Right, is he going to lift?

10900:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,000Oh, yes, he is going to lift

11000:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,000because that thing is as racyas the Danish Prime Minister.

11100:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,000Through the tyres.

11200:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,000Only two corners left.

11300:08:13,000 --> 00:08:17,000You can actually see it squirming onthe lake where our track used to be.

11400:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,000Only Gambon left before he can havea lie down. Is he going to make it?

11500:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,000Is IT going to make it?

11600:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000Yes, it has!

11700:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,000CHEERING

11800:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,000Now...

11900:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,000

I have the time here.

12000:08:28,000 --> 00:08:34,000Remember, it is an ?800,0001,000 horsepower car, so here we go.

12100:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,000AUDIENCE: Ohhh...

12200:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,000No, it's a bit lower. Really?

12300:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,000AUDIENCE: Ohhh...

12400:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,000Oh-ho!

12500:08:43,000 --> 00:08:47,000There you go, it's 1.29.9,

12600:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,000slower than a Ford Focus.

12700:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,000LAUGHTER

12800:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,000No, no, hang on a minute.I'm sorry. Hang on a minute.

12900:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,000Let's be fair about it. We need tolook at another time for a wet lap.

13000:08:57,000 --> 00:09:01,000There you go. It's slower thana German saloon car. It is!

13100:09:01,000 --> 00:09:07,000You know this is Danish and it sorange and it's genetically flawed?

13200:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,000I'm surprised they haven'tcalled The Giraffe...

13300:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,000LAUGHTER..and shot it.

13400:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,000GROANS AND LAUGHTER

13500:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,000He said that out loud,didn't he? He did.

13600:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,000He said it out loud.

13700:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000Never mind,let's move on with the news

13800:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,000and, well,my big news this week, certainly

13900:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,000is I spent last weekenddriving the new Porsche 980.

14000:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,000Oh, you did! It'll be on the showlater in the series. There it is.

14100:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,000Come on, quick, quick, now,sneak preview. What is it like?

14200:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,000Well, Jennifer...

14300:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,000LAUGHTER

14400:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,000Funny(!)

14500:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,000Yeah, if you were watching last week,Jeremy did say on the show,

14600:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,000on TV, that if the Porschewas faster than the McLaren,

14700:09:40,000 --> 00:09:43,000he would change his name to Jennifer.Yes.

14800:09:43,000 --> 00:09:47,000Didn't you, Jennifer? Well, it won'tbe. See, I think it might just be.

14900:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,000Honestly, it... It's staggeringReally.

15000:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,000It doesn't acceleratelike most other cars.

15100:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,000You are not conscious of it

15200:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,000gaining speed through the gearas the revs rise.

15300:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,000It doesn't go, "Ohhh-aaahhh!"

15400:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,000It just goes straight to, "Aaaaargh!"

15500:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,000But, Hammond... What?

15600:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,000..the McLaren has more powerthan the Porsche

15700:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,000and is lighter than the PorscheI know.

15800:10:07,000 --> 00:10:12,000But listen, Jennifer,the Porsche has four-wheel-drive

15900:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,000and four-wheel steerand on our track...

16000:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,000It will lose.

16100:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,000Listen, I'm sure the Luftwaffewere very proud

16200:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,000and pleased withthe Messerschmitt Me 109.

16300:10:21,000 --> 00:10:25,000That was a damn good aeroplane.Yes, but it wasn't...

16400:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,000It wasn't as good as the Spitfire!

16500:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,000No, you could do negative Gin the Messerschmitt 109.

16600:10:29,000 --> 00:10:35,000May, you are as bad as he is!That is going to be humiliated.

16700:10:35,000 --> 00:10:40,000We are going to win. When I say we,Britain is going to...

16800:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,000I'm all for patriotism,that's great,

16900:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,000but you've just got to face facts.The thing is astonishing.

17000:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,000It's about how it manages those threeengines... Shut up about it!

171

00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000LAUGHTERI'm with you aboutthe British thing,

17200:10:50,000 --> 00:10:54,000but I sort of hopethe Porsche wins, JENNIFER.

17300:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,000LAUGHTER

17400:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,000The news has beenfilled with a lot of scenes

17500:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,000of flood victimsall waving their arms around

17600:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,000and going, "Oh, no,what are we going to do?"

17700:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,000End of the world really.

17800:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,000I mean, it certainly makes mevery sad because the answer,

17900:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,000as we all know, is simple.

18000:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,000You buy a Ford transit van,cut a big hole in the floor,

18100:11:11,000 --> 00:11:15,000take the back doors off, coupleof engines in it, fans, skirts,

18200:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,000put it in the water, it sinks.That's true.

18300:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,000You get another transit van,

more powerful engines,

18400:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,000totally redesigned. Here we go.

18500:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,000LAUGHTER

18600:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,000And it works perfectly.That IS the solution.

18700:11:27,000 --> 00:11:31,000We predicted these floods six monthsago and came up with the solution.

18800:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,000But what is really annoyingis that everybody

18900:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,000is blaming the floods on DavidCameron, the Environment Agency

19000:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,000pretty much anything you can name...

19100:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,000Mm-mm, I know exactlywho is to blame

19200:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,000for this problemeverybody is having.

19300:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,000Miranda Hart.

19400:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,000LAUGHTER

19500:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,000You laugh, but here's the thing

19600:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,000We are sitting herenow on a Sunday evening.

19700:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,000Eight, nine million peoplein Britain have chosen to watch

19800:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,000some 1950s midwiferyon the other side,

19900:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,000so they don't knowabout the hover-van.

20000:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,000That is the problem.

20100:12:02,000 --> 00:12:06,000They have chosen Miranda over usand our show is

20200:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,000rammed full of helpful hints anduseful consumer advice. Every week!

20300:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,000LAUGHTER

20400:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,000Now, hey, listen, how long hasthe Gallardo been in production

20500:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,00017,000 years? Just over? Just over.

20600:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,000I know there are cave drawings ofit in the Pyrenees. There are.

20700:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,000Well, Lamborghini has announcedthey are stopping making it

20800:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,000and are going to replace it withthis. It's called the Huracan.

20900:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,000

600 horsepower, 5.2 litre V10,four-wheel-drive.

21000:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,000None of that is interesting

21100:12:29,000 --> 00:12:33,000because if you're interested inspeed and power and handling,

21200:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,000you're going to buy a Ferrari 4 8or a McLaren 12C, aren't you?

21300:12:36,000 --> 00:12:40,000The only reason you want to buy aLamborghini is because it looks mad.

21400:12:40,000 --> 00:12:43,000And that's very nice, but I don tthink it's bonkers enough.

21500:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,000I know what you mean.It looks nice, but...

21600:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,000Yeah, it needs to be outrageousIt does.

21700:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,000Nobody should be allowedto design a Lamborghini

21800:12:50,000 --> 00:12:54,000unless they've just consumedtwo bottles of absinthe.

21900:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,000LAUGHTERNow you're ready!

22000:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000The essence of it is,

22100:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,000it doesn't really matterhow a Lamborghini drives

22200:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,000because a Lamborghiniis for prowling around the city

22300:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,000Ferraris are for doinga 2.35 around Silverstone.

22400:13:06,000 --> 00:13:10,000Lamborghinis are for doingKnightsbridge at 2.35am.

22500:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,000Yes, yes.LAUGHTER

22600:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,000Now, there's a new type of gaswhich is worrying the government.

22700:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,000Is it cyanide? No.Is it carbon dioxide?

22800:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,000No, it used to be carbon dioxide.Now the days where...

22900:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,000I can hardly bring myselfto say this.

23000:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,000They are very worriedabout a terrifying new combination

23100:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,000of nitrogen and oxygen.What, you mean air? Yes.

23200:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,00099% of the air that we breatheis nitrogen and oxygen,

23300:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,000but the government has gothis knickers in a twist about it,

23400:13:37,000 --> 00:13:40,000specifically about nitrogen dioxideand I've done some checking.

23500:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,000Bear with me on this.

23600:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,000It mostly comes fromsoil or stoves

23700:13:44,000 --> 00:13:50,000or particularly from lorriesin stop-start city driving, OK?

23800:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,000So the government has decided toaddress the problem

23900:13:53,000 --> 00:13:59,000by limiting cars to 60mph on the M1just outside Sheffield.

24000:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,000That's their solution.But that's got nothing to do with it!

24100:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000Isn't that like saying,"I've got toothache,

24200:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000"I think I'll go and havea hair cut. That will sort it."

24300:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,000"Doctor, I've twisted my ankle."You must put on a bomber jacket "

24400:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,000The thing is, they actually say"Well, it's as European law,

24500:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000"so we have to lowerthe speed limit."

24600:14:13,000 --> 00:14:17,000Germans aren't, French aren't,Italians aren't, only we are.

24700:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,000And I know exactlywhat's happened here.

24800:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,000You've got some guyin the government, you know...

24900:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,000LAUGHTER

25000:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000You know the type. Oh, yes, right.

25100:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,000OK, now, he has the powerto lower the speed limit

25200:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,000and stop parents eating sandwichesin cars if kids are present,

25300:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,000but what he needs to do is takea leaf out of the Queen's book.

25400:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,000What, marry a Greek? No!LAUGHTER

25500:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,000The Queen hasthe constitutional power

25600:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,000to declare war on another country,

25700:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,000but she never does.

25800:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,000Even after a big partywhere she's a bit...

25900:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,000and all her matesare egging her on.

26000:14:47,000 --> 00:14:50,000"Go on, Liz! Declare war onsomeone!" Can she really do that?

26100:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,000Yes, she can do that, but shedoesn't. "Hello is that Mr Hollande?

26200:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,000"This is the Queen. WE ARE AT WAR!"I'd do that every week!

26300:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,000She could do that. I'd beconstant... I'd do it every...

26400:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,000"Oh, God, what have I done?"

26500:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,000Yeah, I would love to bea drunk Queen!

26600:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,000LAUGHTER

26700:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,000I didn't mean...

26800:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,000Shall we move it on? Yes. Yes.

26900:15:12,000 --> 00:15:16,000Every week, we receive thousandsof letters from people that say

27000:15:16,000 --> 00:15:20,000"Dear Top so-called Gear,why do you never test the sort of

27100:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,000"affordable cars that normal

people are likely to buy and drive?"

27200:15:23,000 --> 00:15:28,000Well, the truth is, we would loveto. But the producers won't let us.

27300:15:28,000 --> 00:15:32,000It's frustrating,because contrary to public opinion,

27400:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,000we really do like small,sensible little cars.

27500:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,000I mean, he has a Fiat Panda.I have a Fiat 500.

27600:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,000Yeah, and I have a very smallAMG Mercedes.

27700:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,000LAUGHTER

27800:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000Very small indeed.

27900:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,000We like the way that small carsare easy to park and cheap to run,

28000:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,000but, most of all,we like the way that a lot of them

28100:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000are very good fun to drive.

28200:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,000But the producers say they aren t,they say they're boring.

28300:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,000And to prove their point,they came up with a challenge.

284

00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:04,000Yes, they told us to choose threeone-litre, three-cylinder,

28500:16:04,000 --> 00:16:10,000little city cars and reportwith them to the Crimean peninsula.

28600:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,000So, here it is,at the bottom end of Ukraine,

28700:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,000jutting out into the Black Sea.

28800:16:20,000 --> 00:16:27,000The Crimean peninsula, 10,000 squaremiles of history, beetroot

28900:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,000and girls who leave the West behind.

29000:16:31,000 --> 00:16:35,000And this is where we were to meet,the city of Yalta.

29100:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,000Outside the very buildingwhere Churchill, Stalin

29200:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,000and Roosevelt met to carve up Europeafter Hitler's defeat.

29300:16:44,000 --> 00:16:47,000Hammond was the first to arrive

29400:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,000I have brought,as you can see, a Fiesta.

29500:16:51,000 --> 00:16:55,000Which is a very, very goodsmall car in any case,

29600:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,000but in this instance,particularly good,

29700:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,000because this one is fitted withan absolute jewel of an engine.

29800:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,000It's a tiny, one-litre,three-cylinder EcoBoost,

29900:17:03,000 --> 00:17:07,000and when I say tiny,I mean REALLY tiny.

30000:17:07,000 --> 00:17:11,000The block of that enginewould fit on an A4 piece of paper.

30100:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,000And it's magnificent.Right, who's that?

30200:17:15,000 --> 00:17:18,000Oh, it's the orang-utan. Here we go.

30300:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,000Congratulations. What, why?

30400:17:23,000 --> 00:17:28,000Because that is unquestionablythe best one-litre little car

30500:17:28,000 --> 00:17:32,000of them all. No doubt about it.The engine in this... Yeah.

30600:17:32,000 --> 00:17:37,000It is phenomenal. 125 horsepower,from one litre. I know!

30700:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000And 65 miles to the gallon.Honestly...

30800:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,000Why are you saying these thingsand why, then, are you not in one?

309

00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,000Why are you in that VW? It's the Up!

31000:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,000Well, I brought this becauseI like it. Hang on, you've just ..

31100:17:50,000 --> 00:17:55,000No, I like it. This is brilliant.But I like this.

31200:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,000Let me put it to you this way.

31300:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,000You can buy better dogsthan my West Highland terrier,

31400:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,000but I LIKE my West Highland terrier.

31500:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,000Yes, it bites the postmanand it lays dog eggs all over

31600:18:05,000 --> 00:18:09,000the kitchen and it steals foodbut it's brilliant! And it goes ..

31700:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,000If this had ears,it would go like that...

31800:18:11,000 --> 00:18:15,000'Sadly, at this point,my dog impersonation was

31900:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,000'interrupted by the arrivalof Captain Interesting.'

32000:18:18,000 --> 00:18:22,000That's the most boring looking carI've... What is it? I'm nodding off!

32100:18:22,000 --> 00:18:29,000Good news! What? It'sa Dacia Sandero. Is it? Yes.

32200:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,000Anyway, we were justsaying before you got here,

32300:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,000this is just an epic little car

32400:18:34,000 --> 00:18:38,000It's quite expensive, though,isn't it? How much is it? 17,50 .

32500:18:38,000 --> 00:18:43,000?17,500? Yup.And how much is yours? 7,500.

32600:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,000That's a big price gulf,Hammond. It is...

32700:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,000I can afford to lose thisand just go and buy another one

32800:18:48,000 --> 00:18:52,000and I'm still better off than you.Look at it! It's... It looks great.

32900:18:52,000 --> 00:18:56,000It's anti-fashion, it's a car forpeople with more sense than money.

33000:18:56,000 --> 00:19:00,000It works, it's cheap. Wow,how have they done it so cheaply ?)

33100:19:00,000 --> 00:19:03,000You can't work it out, can you?There is no obvious...It's amazing(!)

33200:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,000That steering wheel,what a quality item(!)

33300:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,000That's exactly the same as yours! Itisn't the same! It's the same SHAPE.

33400:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,000And correct me if I'm wrong,it was a Renault Clio 30 years ago.

33500:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000Not 30 years ago.

33600:19:13,000 --> 00:19:18,000It's BASED on the underpinnings andmechanicals of the old Renault Clio.

33700:19:18,000 --> 00:19:22,000An old car. Basically, I've broughtan iPod to a gramophone convention.

33800:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,000Utter rubbish! Look at it!

33900:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,000'Our argument was then interruptedby the arrival of a challenge.

34000:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,000They still don't believe thatwe like small cars. But we do!

34100:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,000I love my Fiesta. Right.

34200:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,000"Between Yalta and Sevastopol,there is an excellent coast road,

34300:19:39,000 --> 00:19:43,000"which you would enjoy very muchin a normal car.

34400:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,000"But you will not be ableto enjoy it

34500:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,000"in your miserable littleshopping carts"?!

34600:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,000

Hello!

34700:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,000You can't get away from the factthe Fiesta, in any guise,

34800:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,000is a brilliant little car.

34900:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,000The chassis is so sorted out!

35000:20:13,000 --> 00:20:17,000I've driven the ST version,the hot one, and it is simply superb.

35100:20:17,000 --> 00:20:22,000What's incredible is that theyhaven't lost any of that liveliness,

35200:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,000that excitement, that thrill, byfitting it with a tiny, tiny engine.

35300:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,000It's like driving a cartoon!

35400:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,000BRAKES SQUEAL

35500:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,000Squealing!

35600:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,000Bit of turbo boost,bit of traction control wise.

35700:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,000That means I'm having funand I'm on the ragged edge.

35800:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,000Hee-hee!

35900:20:52,000 --> 00:20:57,000Unlike the Ford and the Dacia,the Up! doesn't have a turbocharger.

36000:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,000But even so, it still feels likea determined spur.

36100:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,000I'm going to get there first!Yes, I am, get out of my way!

36200:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,000Woo-ha-ha!

36300:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000And stick it into the bend...

36400:21:13,000 --> 00:21:16,000I mean, if I were in even a Ferrarion this road, I'd be thinking

36500:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,000"Oh, no, I'm goingto scrape my nose!

36600:21:18,000 --> 00:21:23,000"How much power do I need hereand how much braking?" And I don't

36700:21:23,000 --> 00:21:28,000have to worry about any of that,because the Up! has no power at all.

36800:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,000You just put your foot hard downand leave it there!

36900:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,000Much to the annoyanceof the producers,

37000:21:38,000 --> 00:21:42,000we have loved our driveon the wiggly road.

37100:21:43,000 --> 00:21:47,000But we loved what we foundat the other end of it even more.

372

00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,000A disused Soviet submarine base

37300:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,000Now, ordinarily, we would haveto park in the car park there.

37400:22:02,000 --> 00:22:07,000But because our cars are so little,we won't.

37500:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,000This is remarkable.

37600:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,000James Bond could not havegot in here!

37700:22:18,000 --> 00:22:21,000Because of course,his Aston Martin is too large.

37800:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,000Good God!

37900:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,000Look at that!

38000:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,000In the event of a nuclear war,

38100:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,000they could get 14 submarinesin here, and 3,000 people.

38200:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,000It's under a mountain!

38300:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,000Yeah, it is your actualunder-a-mountain submarine base

38400:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,000It's full-on Bond.

38500:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,000How much energy and effort

was expended by MI6

38600:23:01,000 --> 00:23:07,000and the CIA trying to find outthe details of this place?

38700:23:07,000 --> 00:23:11,000And here I am, driving through it!

38800:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,000Sadly, we spent so longdriving around the sub pen...

38900:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,000..that night was fallingby the time we reached

39000:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,000the busy city of Sevastopol.

39100:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,000And here, the Up!'s lack of oomphwas a bit of an issue.

39200:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,000Oh, I'm being squeezed!

39300:23:37,000 --> 00:23:43,000I've lost it.Being strashed by a Lada 2107!

39400:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,000However, because the VWis smaller than the Ford

39500:23:48,000 --> 00:23:53,000and the Dacia, I didn't have to parkmiles and miles from the hotel.

39600:23:56,000 --> 00:23:59,000Is that legal? No.Where does it say "no parking"?

39700:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,000But it doesn't say "no parking"in a lot of places where it's

398

00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,000obviously not quite right to park.

39900:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,000To be fair,it doesn't say "no murdering" either.

40000:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,000The next morning,we continued our journey through

40100:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,000a region where the hills were oncesoaked with British blood.

40200:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,000The Crimean War may have beenunfathomable,

40300:24:24,000 --> 00:24:30,000nobody really knew why it started,but the legacy is enormous.

40400:24:30,000 --> 00:24:34,000It gave us important wordslike balaclava and cardigan.

40500:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000It gave us Florence Nightingale

40600:24:36,000 --> 00:24:41,000the world's first war photographer,the world's first war reporter.

40700:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,000The Victoria Cross was first awardedto soldiers who fought here

40800:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,000And even today,the medal is made from metal

40900:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,000taken from a Russian gunthat was captured here.

41000:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,000Then, of course, there's

the best-known legacy of them all.

41100:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,000How's it go?

41200:25:06,000 --> 00:25:11,000"Theirs not to make reply,Theirs not to reason why,

41300:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,000"Theirs but to do and die."

41400:25:14,000 --> 00:25:18,000"Into the valley of death rodethe 600." And that is the valley.

41500:25:18,000 --> 00:25:22,000That is where the Charge of theLight Brigade actually happened

41600:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,000It was a misunderstood order.

41700:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,000Yeah, they were supposed to goup there somewhere.

41800:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,000They were supposed tosnout around in the hills,looking for the Russians,

41900:25:29,000 --> 00:25:34,000misunderstood it, came chargingover here armed with sabres,against the entire Russian

42000:25:34,000 --> 00:25:39,000artillery here, all of it was there,pointing straight at them.

42100:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,000And they were on horses with sabres.

42200:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,000How could that possibly end?

423

00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,000Oh, God!

42400:25:59,000 --> 00:26:03,000Choose your moments!Exactly. Exactly.

42500:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,000"Ukraine is the second largestcountry in Europe, and now you will

42600:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,000"drive all the way across it,

42700:26:10,000 --> 00:26:14,000"from here in the far south tothe Belarus border in the north

42800:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,000"It will be worse than thoselong journeys you did

42900:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,000"as a kid in the back ofa family car to the seaside.

43000:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,000"It will be the journey from hell."

43100:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,000How can it be worse than thosejourneys? I was a kid then!

43200:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,000I was in the back ofa Mark I Cortina.

43300:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,000I was in the backof an Austin 1100.

43400:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,000Anglia, with a hole in the floorHow far is it? It doesn't...

43500:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,000How far is it? It's 750 miles.

43600:26:37,000 --> 00:26:42,000750 miles? What, in a VolkswagenUp!? That's easy. Piece of ca..

43700:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,000In these three cars - light cars -

43800:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,000we shall be the modern-dayCharge of the Light Brigade.

43900:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,000Very good.

44000:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,000Still feeling slightly baffled,we set off.

44100:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,000Well, I think the producers havegone a bit soft, to be honest.

44200:27:01,000 --> 00:27:07,000It's just not in any way difficult,challenging... It's just...

44300:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,000It's easy!

44400:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,000APPLAUSE

44500:27:18,000 --> 00:27:19,000750 miles!

44600:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,000It turned out not to be easy at all.

44700:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,000Yes, in the secondpart of that film,

44800:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,000which we'll show you later on,I was actually killed.

449

00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,000Yeah, he really was.

45000:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,000So, that's something for usall to look forward to.

45100:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,000Yes, thank you, Hammond.

45200:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,000But in the meantime, we must puta Star in our Reasonably Priced Car.

45300:27:40,000 --> 00:27:44,000Now, my guest tonight is the onlyBritish musician who can

45400:27:44,000 --> 00:27:49,000drive a tank, fire a mortarand strip an assault rifle.

45500:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,000Apart from Posh Spice, obviously.

45600:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,000Ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt!

45700:27:54,000 --> 00:27:56,000CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

45800:27:58,000 --> 00:28:01,000How you doing, big man?How are you? I'm well.

45900:28:01,000 --> 00:28:06,000Hi there. How are you doing? HiHello. He's here. Have a seat.

46000:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,000All right. Many whistlings!

46100:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,000First of all, congratulationson your forthcoming marriage.

46200:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,000

I'm getting married? BLEEP!

46300:28:15,000 --> 00:28:20,000You're getting married to the girlstanding behind you. Fantastic

46400:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,000Just in case you'd forgotten.No, there she is, look.

46500:28:23,000 --> 00:28:28,000LAUGHTERWhat's your name? Aah!

46600:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,000That's the ticket. OK, great.So, when are you getting married?

46700:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,000September.

46800:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,000I'm just thinking, I know there slots of girls here and they'll

46900:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,000want me to ask lots of questionsabout it, but I can't think of any.

47000:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,000Shall we talk about the Army?Let's talk about the Army.

47100:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,000The Army's better. We've gotto do the Army, it's easier.

47200:28:44,000 --> 00:28:47,000Now, we know you were in the Army,of course, that is well documented.

47300:28:47,000 --> 00:28:50,000But I think what a lot of peopledon't know is that you actually

47400:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000single-handedly,when you were in Kosovo,

47500:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,000stopped World War IIIfrom happening.

47600:28:54,000 --> 00:28:59,000I'm glad you brought this up. Yeah.Because it's time the nation knew.

47700:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,000Actually, it was genuinelythe most incredible day of my life.

47800:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,000Other than my forthcoming marriage.

47900:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,000And, er... It was...

48000:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,000You know, having bombed the crapout of the Serbs,

48100:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,000we signed a peace accordand we pushed up to Pristina,

48200:29:14,000 --> 00:29:18,000the capital, and I was remarkablyput as truly the first officer

48300:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,000to lead 30,000 people up there,

48400:29:21,000 --> 00:29:25,000and when we got to the airportin Pristina, General Wesley Clark

48500:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,000told us to just overrun

48600:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,000and overpower the 200 Russianswho had beaten us to the airport

48700:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,000The American general?

48800:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,000Yeah, and we asked several times -that one thing means destroy them?

48900:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,000Which seemed a pretty stupid thingto do. He said destroy...

49000:29:38,000 --> 00:29:42,000He said overrun and overpower,definitely using some politicalmanoeuvring in his wording.

49100:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,000And after, you know,five minutes of arguing,

49200:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,000a very special man calledGeneral Mike Jackson,

49300:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,000an incredible characterwho I would follow anywhere,

49400:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,000came up on the radio and said,

49500:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,000"This is ridiculous,I'm not having my soldiers being

49600:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,000"responsible for startingWorld War III,

49700:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,000"let's push off somewhere else.

49800:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,000And when the Russianshad run out of food and water,

49900:30:00,000 --> 00:30:05,000they came back and asked us for foodand water and we said,"Sure, if you share the airport "

50000:30:05,000 --> 00:30:11,000That was an order from an Americanto a British captain to...

50100:30:11,000 --> 00:30:16,000And he later then ranfor president in America. I know

50200:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,000Let's move on to music.We've covered the army.

50300:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,000You saved the world fromWorld War III, which is good.

50400:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,000Your new album is calledMoon Landing.

50500:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,000Moon Landing, which I onlydiscovered after the event

50600:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,000that "moon landing" is actuallyin the Urban Dictionary

50700:30:29,000 --> 00:30:32,000as a term in the gym when two menare changing and they bend over

50800:30:32,000 --> 00:30:36,000and their bottoms touch accidentally.So, yeah...

50900:30:36,000 --> 00:30:40,000There's a single calledHeart To Heart, isn't there? Yes.

51000:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,000Now, forgive me for saying thismy daughter,

51100:30:42,000 --> 00:30:46,000she said to me a couple of days ago,"I was going to tweet James

51200:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,000"to say how much I love that song,"but she said, "I was so worried

51300:30:49,000 --> 00:30:53,000"that his tweet reply would rip meapart that I haven't dared do it."

51400:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,000I wouldn't abuse her,if she's nice.

51500:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,000What have you just won on Twitter?

51600:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,000It's something, the besttwitterer... Best Comebacks.

51700:31:00,000 --> 00:31:04,000The Best Comebacks, from the chapover there with windswept hair

51800:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,000I've actually got a fewof your ones here.

51900:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,000Don't they take a long timeto think of?

52000:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,000I would say I'm spontaneous with it,but I might be lying.

52100:31:13,000 --> 00:31:17,000Somebody said here, "Why have youonly got 200,000 followers?"

52200:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,000And you replied,"Jesus only needed 12."

52300:31:19,000 --> 00:31:23,000APPLAUSE

524

00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:27,000You've got to admit...they are properly very funny.

52500:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,000"James Blunt has an annoying faceand a highly irritating voice.

52600:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,000You went, "Yes, and no mortgage "

52700:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,000Do you mind if I show themmy absolute favourite? Go for it.

52800:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,000The rather sarky,"Whatever happened to James Blunt?"

52900:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,000And this was the picture you posted.

53000:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,000What I love about you is the waythat somebody is abusive to you

53100:31:49,000 --> 00:31:53,000and you just take it on the chin andare fine. I sob uncontrollably.

53200:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,000I mean, people take Twitterfar too seriously.

53300:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,000It's just,there's a real world out there,

53400:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,000and people seem to thinkthat Twitter is important.

53500:31:59,000 --> 00:32:03,000It's just people opinions,and opinions are like arseholes

53600:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,000Everyone has one. Yeah. Cars.

53700:32:07,000 --> 00:32:11,000When you were last here, I think

53800:32:11,000 --> 00:32:15,000the only car you'd ever drivenat the time was a Lada.

53900:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,000Yeah, I was really embarrassed aboutthat, and I've tried to upgrade.

54000:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,000I had a Lada Riva 1.3SL, for "slow".

54100:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,000Because now, obviously,things have moved on dramatically.

54200:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,000You've got a tuk-tuk.

54300:32:24,000 --> 00:32:27,000I have a tuk-tuk from Bangkok,which is awesome, three-wheeled

54400:32:27,000 --> 00:32:31,000vehicle, does 70mph, and I drive itaround home in Ibiza.

54500:32:31,000 --> 00:32:32,000It does 70?

54600:32:32,000 --> 00:32:35,00070mph, and if you get all your matesin the back,

54700:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,000you can wheelie as well, at 70mph.

54800:32:38,000 --> 00:32:40,000Actually, my best friend is achap called Nin, he's Indian,

54900:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,000and he insists on driving to make itlook more authentic.

55000:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,000LAUGHTER

55100:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,000Yeah.

55200:32:46,000 --> 00:32:50,000When you're in London, I gatheryou've now got a bicycle. Yeah.

55300:32:50,000 --> 00:32:55,000Why do you have a bicycle?It's much, much fasterand it's good exercise.

55400:32:55,000 --> 00:32:58,000You can lose a paunch with a bicycle.

55500:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,000I've got a bicycle, and look whatit's done to me. Literally.

55600:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,000You're not supposed to eat it.

55700:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,000Yeah...

55800:33:08,000 --> 00:33:13,000Now, you recently had an altercationwith a paparazzi photographer,

55900:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,000I believe, in the United States

56000:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,000Yeah, paps are quite aggressiveand yes,

56100:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,000I was coming out of a partyand I was with someone who

56200:33:20,000 --> 00:33:23,000was in the public eye as well,and they shout. Paps don't want

56300:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,000an ordinary picture,they want an aggressive picture

56400:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,000and they're all bangingon the window,

56500:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,000and one of them fell in front of thecar, and what are you supposed to do?

56600:33:30,000 --> 00:33:34,000He's fallen down and I wouldn't wantto incriminate myself by saying

56700:33:34,000 --> 00:33:38,000that I hadn't spotted him and touchedthe throttle and went gently over.

56800:33:38,000 --> 00:33:42,000That would be the wrong thing to do.But... But we did go over him

56900:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,000Did you actually feel the dum-dum?Yes.

57000:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,000Something strangelysatisfying about it.

57100:33:51,000 --> 00:33:55,000And in the meantime, the policeand the ambulance did arrive,

57200:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,000but before they arrived, he got upand took pictures of more people

57300:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,000They even had some film footagefrom another paparazzi of him

57400:34:01,000 --> 00:34:04,000rubbing his leg, saying,"Make it redder, make it redder,

57500:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,000and when the police arrived, he said,"Poor me, I've been run over.

57600:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,000But it was a very small hire carand I think it was fine.

57700:34:09,000 --> 00:34:13,000It wasn't a large American Cadillac?No. Get one of those next time.

57800:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,000Anyway, the lap,how was it out there today?

57900:34:17,000 --> 00:34:21,000I think as I was driving down today,they said today was the first

58000:34:21,000 --> 00:34:25,000day of the year the Met Office hasissued a red weather warning -

58100:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,000do not leave home unless youspecifically have to,

58200:34:28,000 --> 00:34:29,000and I've been doing laps.

58300:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,000The thing is, as you know,everybody who comes down here

58400:34:32,000 --> 00:34:35,000goes off at the second to lastcorner, that's a given, really,

58500:34:35,000 --> 00:34:39,000but I heard that James went offon the Follow Through.

58600:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,000And I followed throughat the time as well!

58700:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,000That's why it's calledthe Follow Through,

58800:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,000because that's a 100mph corner,

58900:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,000and you have that building in frontof you, and if things start to

59000:34:49,000 --> 00:34:53,000go wrong through there,it's actually a slightlybuttock-clenching...

59100:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,000Very much. And some of your cameracrew are lucky to be alive. Yeah

59200:34:55,000 --> 00:34:59,000Would anybody like to see thismoment when one of our guests

59300:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,000actually went off onthe Follow Through? AUDIENCE: Yes.

59400:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,000Let's have a look at this.Here we go.

59500:35:04,000 --> 00:35:07,000That is absolutely soaking.

59600:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,000That's properly fast, and you keepyour foot in it until, look at this!

59700:35:12,000 --> 00:35:15,000What I love about that isyou did not apply the brakes

59800:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,000until you were an inchfrom the edge of the track.

599

00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:22,000Everyone says you're not allowedto lift off and so I tried not to.

60000:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,000We're talking big cojones there

60100:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000It's actually because I couldn't seethrough the windscreen.

60200:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,000I didn't know I was coming off.

60300:35:29,000 --> 00:35:33,000It started to get bumpy and green -"This has definitely gone wrong."

60400:35:33,000 --> 00:35:38,000Anyway, eventually,we did get a lap together.Yeah. Who'd like to see it?

60500:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,000Yeah! Here we go.

60600:35:42,000 --> 00:35:45,000See, I think this isthe Blitz spirit.

60700:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,000Come on, then! BLEEP!

60800:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,000It's like a BLEEP lake out here

60900:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,000Yeah, nobody's complainingabout the Environment Agency,

61000:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,000you're going in there, "Why don tyou come and clear it up?"

61100:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,000That is so wet!

612

00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,000Stayed on the track nicely.

61300:36:05,000 --> 00:36:06,000It's like ice skating.

61400:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,000Not that I ice skate very often

61500:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,000You really should have borrowedRichard Hammond's booster cushion.

61600:36:14,000 --> 00:36:18,000I needed Moses to part the sea.There's a private jet over there

61700:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,000That could get me home!Ibiza, right.

61800:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,000Hammerhead, probably couldn't evensee the lines,

61900:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,000so that's pretty impressive.

62000:36:28,000 --> 00:36:33,000Here we go, right, coming up tothe Follow Through again. So slow.

62100:36:33,000 --> 00:36:38,000Up to 6,000. And again,I can't see a BLEEP thing.

62200:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,000This is, I really admire youfor doing this.

62300:36:44,000 --> 00:36:49,000A touch of the brakes, and I can'tsay I blame you. Through the tyres.

62400:36:49,000 --> 00:36:54,000No whingeing, no complaining.And, yeah, going to make that one.

62500:36:54,000 --> 00:36:58,000Not bad at all, actually.And it's blowing a gale.

62600:36:58,000 --> 00:37:03,000Whoa! It's the Jimmy Carr line!There we are. Across the line.

62700:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,000That is really, properly...I've never seen it like that.

62800:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,000Yeah, it was fascinating,because last time

62900:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,000I came down it was wet as well, andbasically, whenever you have me on,

63000:37:16,000 --> 00:37:20,000unsurprisingly, it is the wettest,James Blunt is the wettest lap.

63100:37:22,000 --> 00:37:27,000We have had two previous wet lapsin the last couple of weeks.

63200:37:27,000 --> 00:37:33,000Hugh Bonneville at 1.50.1,Tom Hiddleston last week at 1.4 .9,

63300:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,000so bearing in mind, he was very wet,but nothing like...

63400:37:36,000 --> 00:37:40,000Not nearly as wet as me. So come on,where do you think you come?

63500:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,000I really hope I haven'thumiliated myself too much.

63600:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,000No, you haven't humiliated yourself,

637

00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,000because you went out there, which isbrave enough, and you drove around

63800:37:48,000 --> 00:37:51,000in it, which is very marvellousand you looked determined.

63900:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,000Like one of those schoolswhere everyone's a winner.

64000:37:54,000 --> 00:37:59,000So there we are, fastest lap so far,1.49.9. You did...

64100:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,0001...

64200:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,00049...

64300:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,0004.

64400:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,000CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

64500:38:09,000 --> 00:38:15,000I have to say... That is the fastestwet lap. You are above Ron Howard.

64600:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,000And just under Joss Stone.I'm always under some... Anyway

64700:38:20,000 --> 00:38:24,000Feel the eyes in the back of my head.Yes. I can see them.

64800:38:26,000 --> 00:38:30,000You're betweenJoss Stone and Ron Howard.That's a very odd place to be.

64900:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,000That was quite something.It really was. Thank you.

65000:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,000Ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt!

65100:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,000Thank you.

65200:38:43,000 --> 00:38:48,000Now, tonight we are trying to provethat we really do like small cars,

65300:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,000and our producers are tryingto prove that they're rubbish.

65400:38:51,000 --> 00:38:56,000Yes, so, they told us to driveour three one-litre hatchbacks

65500:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,000all the way across Ukraine,

65600:38:57,000 --> 00:39:01,000a trip they said would bethe journey from hell.

65700:39:10,000 --> 00:39:14,000Why do they think this is goingto be the journey from hell?

65800:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,000Driving across the Ukraine.

65900:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,000We've only been here 24 hours,we've been through the Cold War

66000:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,000the Second World War, the CrimeanWar. It's going to be tremendous.

66100:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,000And I'm in my Up!

66200:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,000In the not too distant past,little cars like ours

66300:39:30,000 --> 00:39:35,000were very spartan, but these days,if you choose your car wisely

66400:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,000you get loads of stuff to play with.

66500:39:38,000 --> 00:39:42,000Right, Hammond, have you got yourair conditioning set just so?

66600:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,000I have, yes, I've set itjust half a degree lower

66700:39:44,000 --> 00:39:46,000than would be too comfortable.

66800:39:46,000 --> 00:39:49,000This heated seat, I think,just to the first position.

66900:39:49,000 --> 00:39:50,000USB.

67000:39:50,000 --> 00:39:54,000AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:'USB iPod.'

67100:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,000Bluetoothed my iPodinto the stereo system.

67200:39:57,000 --> 00:40:00,000Heated windscreen, let me try that.

67300:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,000Cruise control. Haven't done that.

67400:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,000Yep, a mirror on that side.

67500:40:16,000 --> 00:40:20,000Eventually, though, even Hammond andI ran out of things to play with,

67600:40:20,000 --> 00:40:24,000so we turned our attentionto the Ukrainian scenery.

67700:40:45,000 --> 00:40:49,000A hill or two wouldn't go amiss

67800:41:26,000 --> 00:41:29,000Right, I admit it, this is boring.

67900:41:31,000 --> 00:41:34,000Do you thinkwe're halfway there yet?

68000:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,000We needed to find out.

68100:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,000So, as we couldn't understandthe writing on our sat-nav systems,

68200:41:41,000 --> 00:41:45,000we pulled over to consult a map

68300:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,000We came from down here, yes?

68400:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,000And we've got to goall the way there.

68500:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,000We've just gone through a towncalled Pravda.

68600:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,000We can't be further back than that.

68700:41:55,000 --> 00:41:58,000Maybe it's in...Can't be there. We've done that

68800:42:02,000 --> 00:42:08,000Oh, Christ, oh no! It's there. Don'tbe daft! It is! We're only here!

689

00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:12,000We've only done that. We've onlydriven over the Isle of Wight.

69000:42:13,000 --> 00:42:17,000We've got to come here? How come ..We've only got there?!

69100:42:19,000 --> 00:42:23,000And that's good news. Is it? How isthat good news? It's good news.

69200:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,000Really? Yes.

69300:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,000Instead of just sitting and,"I'm bored,"

69400:42:27,000 --> 00:42:31,000why don't we make ourselves morerounded human beings on the journey?

69500:42:31,000 --> 00:42:34,000So while we're in the carwe learn to do some thing?

69600:42:34,000 --> 00:42:39,000Exactly! We could sit there going,"I'm bored, I'm bored,I wish I wasn't doing this,"

69700:42:39,000 --> 00:42:44,000or we can simply say, "No, we shalluse this time constructively.

69800:42:44,000 --> 00:42:49,000We will arrive in Belarusmore intelligent

69900:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,000and more rounded than we are now.

70000:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,000Back on the road,the self-improvement began.

70100:42:56,000 --> 00:43:00,000

'Hello and welcome toTeach Yourself Ukrainian. Unit one.

70200:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,000'Hello, what's your name?'

70300:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,000"You will learn to play bluesharp quickly

70400:43:04,000 --> 00:43:08,000"and easily by just listeningto the CD." Ooh, I've got a CD!

70500:43:08,000 --> 00:43:09,000"And following the book."

70600:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,000Viewers, you will noticeI'm wearing my magic hat

70700:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,000and that there isa playing card in it.

70800:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,000'Karus again invites Stephento his home to discuss

70900:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,000'some business questions.'

71000:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,000MAN SPEAKS IN UKRAINIANAND JEREMY REPEATS

71100:43:28,000 --> 00:43:29,000So that goes in there.

71200:43:29,000 --> 00:43:33,000BLUES HARMONICA PLAYS

71300:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,000Well...

71400:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,000In the mobile language lab,

things were going well.

71500:43:42,000 --> 00:43:45,000JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIANUnderwear.

71600:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,000And soon I felt confident enoughto get us

71700:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,000something to eat at a roadside cafe.

71800:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,000FLIES BUZZ

71900:44:01,000 --> 00:44:04,000JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN

72000:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,000What are you saying? I'm trying tofind some food that isn't fish.

72100:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,000Oh, thank you.

72200:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,000JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN

72300:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,000You seem to have ordered some wood.

72400:44:26,000 --> 00:44:27,000Jeremy then asked for some apples.

72500:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,000Well, we've eaten. Shall we go?

72600:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,000The next morning, after breakfasthad been cleared away..

72700:44:44,000 --> 00:44:47,000What?!

72800:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,000

..I used my new Ukrainian skillsto check the sat-nav.

72900:44:52,000 --> 00:44:58,000Oh, Jesus. To get to Kiev,13 hours and 49 minutes.

73000:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,000HE GROANS

73100:45:03,000 --> 00:45:08,000We were in a state of despair, butthen, out of the fog loomed a man.

73200:45:08,000 --> 00:45:10,000And behind him, this.

73300:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,000An abandoned nuclear missile base.

73400:45:19,000 --> 00:45:23,000This is the silo, is it?That's a silo. It's ever so big

73500:45:23,000 --> 00:45:29,000Hammond, this is an SS18, nicknamedthe Satan, targeted Ross-on-Wye.

73600:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,000Was it? That's what that says.Hang on a minute, though.

73700:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,000It says "alternative targetChipsky Norton" there.

73800:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,000LIGHTER CLICKS

73900:45:38,000 --> 00:45:41,000I think it must be damp!

74000:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,000THEY LAUGH

74100:45:47,000 --> 00:45:51,000Many people complain about having

to do a long drive, but on this one,

74200:45:51,000 --> 00:45:56,000we really had hit on a brilliant wayof making the time fly by.

74300:45:56,000 --> 00:46:00,000HE PLAYS A FEW MOURNFUL NOTES

74400:46:03,000 --> 00:46:07,000Ha ha! Viewers, my hands empty,

74500:46:07,000 --> 00:46:12,000nothing at all in them.Now, can I...

74600:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,000HE HUMS

74700:46:18,000 --> 00:46:22,000MAN SPEAKS IN UKRAINIANAND JEREMY REPEATS

74800:46:22,000 --> 00:46:27,000'Unit three. Stephen, do you havea family?' There's Stephen again.

74900:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,000Everybody's called Stephen here,that's the one thing I have learned.

75000:46:30,000 --> 00:46:34,000Oh, God. My doves have escaped.

75100:46:35,000 --> 00:46:39,000My doves have got out. What doves?

75200:46:39,000 --> 00:46:43,000What do you mean, got out?My doves from my magic box.

75300:46:43,000 --> 00:46:46,000They're all over the back.They've crapped everywhere.

75400:46:46,000 --> 00:46:51,000Upset by the mess,

OCD May ejected the culprit.

75500:46:51,000 --> 00:46:54,000HORN HONKS LOUDLY

75600:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,000Oh, my God, there's a lorry...That is an ex-dove.

75700:46:57,000 --> 00:47:02,000Yeah, now, you see,the truck that hit your dove, James,

75800:47:02,000 --> 00:47:06,000how good are you at magic?Seriously, did it not fly away?

75900:47:06,000 --> 00:47:09,000You're not going to dochildren's parties, are you,

76000:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,000because you're going to haveto change your act if you are.

76100:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,000"So, Sally, is thisthe family parrot?

76200:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,000"Just watch what happens

76300:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,000"when I throw it out ofthe window of a moving vehicle.

76400:47:23,000 --> 00:47:26,000Putting this tragicincident behind us

76500:47:26,000 --> 00:47:33,000we ploughed on, and by nightfall hadreached Ukraine's capital, Kiev.

76600:47:35,000 --> 00:47:38,000Jeremy checked us into the hotel

767

00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:41,000JEREMY SPEAKS IN UKRAINIAN

76800:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,000Yeah.

76900:47:42,000 --> 00:47:46,000Did you just say yesto stop him talking?

77000:47:46,000 --> 00:47:49,000And in the bar, James did anothertrick that went wrong.

77100:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,000Ta-da!

77200:47:51,000 --> 00:47:55,000I'm afraid not. You can't changeyour mind about the card you chose.

77300:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,000That was the card you chose.You can't tell me what card I chose.

77400:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,000But I know you chose thatbecause I read your mind.

77500:48:00,000 --> 00:48:04,000Magicians are supposed to exercise adegree of finesse, not just bullying.

77600:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,000No, it's still not.It is! That's what you chose!

77700:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,000The following morning,

77800:48:11,000 --> 00:48:15,000we were warned there was a mob onthe streets of Kiev, and there was.

77900:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,000Thank you for coming,thank you so much.

78000:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,000So, to get a bit of peace and quiet,

78100:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,000we were told to report tothe country's only racetrack...

78200:48:33,000 --> 00:48:38,000..for what, chillingly,was called the final challenge.

78300:48:38,000 --> 00:48:43,000"Your cars will each be givenexactly 23 litres of fuel,

78400:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,000"which, becausethey're so economical,

78500:48:45,000 --> 00:48:49,000"should easily be enough for them tocover the 100 or so miles

78600:48:49,000 --> 00:48:53,000"to your destination, a townnear the border with Belarus."

78700:48:53,000 --> 00:48:57,000Hang on, 23 litres? To do 100 miles?That's not really a challenge, is it?

78800:48:57,000 --> 00:49:02,000That's easy! "Your challenge is torun out before you get there." Eh?

78900:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,000"This is something youwill want to do,

79000:49:04,000 --> 00:49:07,000"as the town in questionis called...

79100:49:09,000 --> 00:49:10,000"..Chernobyl."

79200:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,000

Can we actually...We can't go there, can we?

79300:49:22,000 --> 00:49:26,000Chernobyl was the scene ofthe world's worst nuclear accident.

79400:49:26,000 --> 00:49:29,000When reactor number fourexploded in 1986,

79500:49:29,000 --> 00:49:35,000it released a radioactive cloudso devastating that the entire area

79600:49:35,000 --> 00:49:39,000will remain uninhabitablefor 20,000 years.

79700:49:40,000 --> 00:49:45,000And unless we could make our carsdo less than 20 miles to the gallon,

79800:49:45,000 --> 00:49:48,000this is where we'd end up.

79900:49:49,000 --> 00:49:53,000Ford claim mine does 65mpg.

80000:49:53,000 --> 00:49:56,000All the way here, this has done 60miles to the gallon, give or take.

80100:49:56,000 --> 00:50:01,000Yes. How would you make these carsdo 20 miles to the gallon?

80200:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,000I can't imagine getting it under 30.

80300:50:04,000 --> 00:50:08,000After the producers had putprecisely 23 litres of fuel

80400:50:08,000 --> 00:50:12,000in each tank, we did somepreparations of our own.

80500:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,000Right.

80600:50:17,000 --> 00:50:19,000Clever, this.

80700:50:19,000 --> 00:50:23,000What I'm going to do is letabout 30% of the pressureout of the tyres.

80800:50:23,000 --> 00:50:26,000The point is,it increases rolling resistance

80900:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,000which means I use more fuel.

81000:50:36,000 --> 00:50:38,000That is one heavy Up!

81100:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,000What are you doing?

81200:50:40,000 --> 00:50:42,000I'm sealing all the gaps so thatradioactive dust can't get in.

81300:50:42,000 --> 00:50:46,000What you've done there, Hammondis made it more aerodynamic.

81400:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,000I have, haven't I? You have. Goodbye.

81500:50:52,000 --> 00:50:55,000To get through this much petrolin less than 100 miles,

81600:50:55,000 --> 00:50:58,000we would have to drive like maniacs.

81700:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,000Three, two, one.

81800:51:07,000 --> 00:51:11,000

ENGINES REV FURIOUSLY

81900:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,000Come on! Build up the revs!

82000:51:16,000 --> 00:51:20,000Second gear. Right to the limiter.God, that's wasteful.

82100:51:22,000 --> 00:51:27,000James and I decided to go fora low-gear policy of maximum revs.

82200:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,000Hammond, on the other hand...

82300:51:31,000 --> 00:51:36,000If I keep doing this all the waythere, I'll go further.

82400:51:36,000 --> 00:51:42,000It will be twice the distance. Thisis the answer. Lock to lock. Ooh!

82500:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,000TRUCK HORN BEEPS

82600:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,000That's where I'm goingto have to be careful,

82700:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,000when there's trafficcoming the other way.

82800:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,000I've just realised!

82900:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,000I'm driving without the lights on.

83000:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,000I'm driving withthe eco-engine system...

83100:51:57,000 --> 00:52:00,000Heated rear window, I want that on.

Heated seats, yes.

83200:52:00,000 --> 00:52:02,000That's better.

83300:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,000Probably people thinkthis is a bit odd,

83400:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,000but if they knew why I was doing it,they would understand.

83500:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,000I can't believethey're making us do this,

83600:52:19,000 --> 00:52:24,000because it's not like theradioactivity has gone. It hasn t.

83700:52:24,000 --> 00:52:29,000It has a half-life, material that'sleft, of 245,000 years.

83800:52:29,000 --> 00:52:33,000And James May, obviously,can explain what a half-life is

83900:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,000In fact, he probably is doing.

84000:52:37,000 --> 00:52:40,000A half-life is actually constant.A piece of uranium

84100:52:40,000 --> 00:52:44,000will have a half-lifeand when that half-life is passed,

84200:52:44,000 --> 00:52:47,000the remaining bitstill has the same half-life.

84300:52:47,000 --> 00:52:51,000I think the word was coinedby Marie Curie.

84400:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,000The early 20th century was the time

84500:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,000when radioactivity was identifiedand discovered...

84600:52:59,000 --> 00:53:03,000After 25 miles of red-line motoring,

84700:53:03,000 --> 00:53:05,000the news from the Up!still wasn't good.

84800:53:08,000 --> 00:53:11,000I've managed to average23 miles to the gallon.

84900:53:12,000 --> 00:53:15,000I've got to get that down.How do I get that down?

85000:53:20,000 --> 00:53:25,000Right, the drag is nowdramatically worsened.

85100:53:25,000 --> 00:53:26,000Meanwhile...

85200:53:29,000 --> 00:53:33,000I am feeling a bit sick now,if I'm honest.

85300:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,000Oh, is that a police car? Oh, dear.

85400:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,000There's the horrible evidence.

85500:53:47,000 --> 00:53:51,000At a quarter distance, 25.5 miles,

85600:53:51,000 --> 00:53:55,000I should have lost one of thosefour bars that I started with.

857

00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,000But it's not happening.

85800:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,000Come on, petrol! Sod off.

85900:54:05,000 --> 00:54:08,000OK, we've been pulled by the police.

86000:54:08,000 --> 00:54:11,000They were wonderingwhy I was zigzagging.

86100:54:11,000 --> 00:54:13,000They're talking tothe camera car in front.

86200:54:13,000 --> 00:54:18,000Meanwhile, I'm sitting hereat max RPM to try and use some fuel

86300:54:18,000 --> 00:54:19,000while I'm stationary.

86400:54:23,000 --> 00:54:26,000Whilst Hammond was deafeningthe police,

86500:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,000I pulled over to disablemy engine management system.

86600:54:31,000 --> 00:54:33,000How about that!

86700:54:33,000 --> 00:54:36,000Engine warning light.Yes. That's what we want.

86800:54:36,000 --> 00:54:40,000What the engine has to do nowis assume a sort ofworst-case scenario,

86900:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,000because it doesn't knowanything about itself,

87000:54:42,000 --> 00:54:46,000so it will assume it's very cold,the fuel quality is bad,

87100:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,000so it must be less efficient.

87200:54:55,000 --> 00:54:58,00030 miles from Chernobyl,all our cars were still running

87300:54:58,000 --> 00:55:03,000and we were trying every trick inthe book to make them conk out

87400:55:05,000 --> 00:55:07,000Look at that for drag now!

87500:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,000Brake. Then accelerate.

87600:55:13,000 --> 00:55:16,000Then brake. Accelerate.

87700:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,000Still got three bars! Come on!

87800:55:24,000 --> 00:55:31,000There it is! 17.8mpg.My fuel light has come on! Oh, yeah.

87900:55:32,000 --> 00:55:37,000I'm doing 21 miles to the gallon.I'm not doing well enough!

88000:55:40,000 --> 00:55:44,000Everything's on empty.The needle, on empty.

88100:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,000Come on, run out. Run out.

88200:55:48,000 --> 00:55:52,000It's one degree out there.Nipples are sticking out badly.

883

00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:57,000Ah! I believe this isRichard Hammond.

88400:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,000This thing should not be moving

88500:56:02,000 --> 00:56:09,000I'm going! I'm going! I am going!Don't tell me you've run out. Yes!

88600:56:09,000 --> 00:56:15,000Yes! Ha ha! Oh, bliss! It's gone

88700:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,000I don't believe you. It...

88800:56:20,000 --> 00:56:23,000ENGINE SHUDDERS

88900:56:23,000 --> 00:56:27,000I don't believe you. Sit rep.

89000:56:27,000 --> 00:56:30,000Richard Hammond is a BLEEP.

89100:56:30,000 --> 00:56:31,000Go on. Go and meet your fate.

89200:56:38,000 --> 00:56:43,000The un-turbo-charged Up! continuedonwards. And then...

89300:56:44,000 --> 00:56:48,000Oh, wait a minute. What do we havehere? Some kind of checkpoint

89400:56:50,000 --> 00:56:54,000The barrier marked the start ofthe 30km exclusion zone,

89500:56:54,000 --> 00:56:58,000and now I'd have to go through it.So would James.

89600:56:58,000 --> 00:57:02,000But who would film

what happened afterwards?

89700:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,000Three main cameramen. Yeah.

89800:57:04,000 --> 00:57:09,000They're getting in a taxiand going back to Kiev. What?

89900:58:11,000 --> 00:58:41,000Thare's snmethinf like 07 tonnds