Tragedy

Poems & Short Stories

2011

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“The Lost Child” As the wind stirs, It brings up lost memories. Raising them as one would a child, Slowly, with care. Yet knowing that child Will only bring hurt The rain starts to pour Trying to forget what once was. The rain pours and pours, Drowning the lost child, Taking the very last breath of life- The rain stops. Guilt sets in. The rain calls over the sun, Warmth fills the open plane Hoping to bring life into the child. Yet the only answer the sun gets, Is silence.

- Lauren C.  

http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.logoi.com%2Fpastimages%2Fimg%2Fanastasia_romanov_1.jpg&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFrqEzfwhe1C2m_Nis_mduPCrCk1FN5YcA�

“White Solitude”

I was once safe But now I’ve been condemned to The White Solitude That possesses me now Frozen tundra traps me Like inertia, unforgiving Unwilling to change I know I will die here But monotony kills me everyday Where is my future?

I hold nothing now Hands as empty and blank As the cold stare of the guards That now lead me and my family Away from our beds

We have not a moment to think Before they fire their first shot I look in horror- My father, the once great Csar Has been reduced to a lifeless heap As we all take our turn with The ruthless bullet

This is the death of not only The Sacred Bloodline But of Hope

We have left our mark But at what cost? I am scornful of my legend As I cannot even be left in solace In my frozen grave

Instead I am picked apart Under the prying eyes Of those who never knew me Unresponsive to my silent protests

I will charge you, Bolshevik knave, Not for the crime of our deaths But for stripping the Romanovs Of their nobility For stripping Russia Of its greatest era And for stripping me of my future You will be forgotten, And I will not Yet fame is the most unsatisfactory Of life’s devices Cruel winter embedded me While you enjoyed the endless summer I have been the victim of A merciless and depraved Destiny.

- Breann M.

Came Crux 

Stefan  P. 

Came did not know why. No, it was not necessary. What was the reason for this? What was it that brought about this action? The man was dead. The flesh and bone which a mere 5 minutes ago was smiling, breathing in the fresh autumn air through a network of systems considered nature’s finest, was now motionless, paralyzed against the fallen leaves. What would cause someone to do this? What would cause someone to take a precious life, so rare in this lonely universe of ours? The blood ran down the side of the body, a stream flowing around the fixed feet of Came. The blood which fueled a life, a life only recently escaped, never to be seen, heard, nor felt again. A life which will never see, hear, nor feel again.

Came sat down on a nearby wooden log. He felt that he should be here, with the body, as a guardian of a home no longer occupied by its owners, only guarded for what it represented, the last link to what once was. The thought of calling the cops never crossed his mind. What could they do? They could not go out and search for the lost life, they could not restrain it, it was out of their jurisdiction, as hopeless a venture as finding a lost piece of yellow lint in the Sahara.

As the blood dried and the hours passed, Came lost himself in thought. He thought of the owner of the body in front of him. He thought of the force which separated owner from property. He even thought of the futility of his own search for answers. But he never thought of what to do next, at least not until a strong wind picked up and stirred the cotton, blue shirt covering the body. His first, almost instinctive, reaction, was that the body was cold and required warmth. A shudder went down his back, not only from the wind but from the shock at his own line of thought as well. The body was in no danger of anything anymore; nothing he could do would help bring life back to it. But that feeling which had made him stay at the cruel location, to guard and be custodian, made him feel that the life which once resided in the corpse would appreciate it if he found the body a proper resting place.

Came stood up, feeling a rush of blood to his stiff legs as a signal of his own existence through vitality, and walked towards the corpse. There were no signs of struggle on the face of the man; it seemed that he died with a permanent smile, content with the life he had endured and ready to move on

to a new journey. The sight made Came sick. Had this man been so ready to give up his life? No, there is not a creature in who’s nature it is to give up on life. A man would not willfully wish to depart from life, from conscience, no matter how long and successful a life he had lived, for there is always something new to learn and something new to experience. Thus, this man had not given up on his life, for he was happy when it was taken away. But then, what sick creature would wish to seize a life during a joyous moment? Came felt a tear rolling down his cheek in response to his thoughts. What could he do? Only one thing was left which would make any difference. He knelt down next to the body and began to dig the dirt with his calloused hands, driven by his compassionate purpose. Time passed steadily with every inch he dug deeper. His clothes, his hair, his face no longer resembled their original states. The look of a savage toiling for a thoughtless purpose; the actuality of a man rectifying the work of a savage. It was when Came was knee deep in the pit, near finished, when he heard someone approach. It was the sound characteristic of when one runs through a park during autumn, crumpling leaves with each step. Came looked around himself, he never had expected to be disturbed. He had attained a state of being where all that existed was he and the body, as if the lost life had been his last companion in this universe of his, and now he was alone with only its remnants. The sound of rustling leaves was coming closer and closer to his location. The only thought now left in Came’s mind was that he must not allow this intruder to bring further unrest to the body; it needed peace, what if this intruder did not understand? Came was still inside the hole he had dug when mutual contact between himself and the runner was made. It was a woman, in her mid-20s, who had decided to go on an early evening jog. She had noticed Came within a few steps upon entering the needed field of vision. The moment her eyes made contact with the body beside him, she stopped frozen, a mere 15 feet separated the two of lives. Who was this woman? She should not be here. Came knew that if she was not to help him in his duty, then she must at least show that she will never speak of this sight to anyone. But the piercing scream that came out of the young woman showed her true stance. Came responded only with a plea. A plea for her to stop, to understand, to hear him out. But no such request was permitted. He began to step out of the pit, to calm her down and give her reason, but all she saw was a savage finding new prey. She was planted to the

ground with fear, it was almost contradictory to nature. He came closer, she began to scream louder. When Came was only a couple of arm lengths away, nature returned and her adrenaline rushed unprecedentedly high. She began to run back the way from which she had come, faster than she had ever felt herself run before. But a hand to her shoulder still managed to pulled her to the ground. The woman was screaming louder than Came thought humanly possible; it needed to stop; what if more people heard? In a state of growing apprehension, he covered her mouth with his hand and pinned her down with measured force, but she would not stop screaming and tussling. The louder she screamed and the harder she struggled, the more strength Came used. This vicious circle needed to be stopped, but Came saw no way to do so, he could not risk it. To him it must have felt like ages, but not even a few minutes had passed when she finally stopped her struggle. The woman was dead. The flesh and bone which a mere 5 minutes ago was smiling, breathing in the fresh autumn air through a network of systems considered nature’s finest, was now motionless, paralyzed against the fallen leaves. What would cause someone to do this?    

“Empty Inertia”

Six Thirty Seven

On the dot

My eyes flutter open

To the sound of heart‐wrenching, ear‐pounding loneliness

That somehow no one but me notices

My body is immobile, lying dead on the sheets 

But my eyes and thoughts run wild

I wait to hear their voices, booming and vibrating through my bedroom window

They don’t come

I wait to see their hands, opening and closing, opening and closing

So I can fit into them

They don’t come

I wait to understand 

My One Mistake

The one I can’t erase, take back, make right, or do‐over

I wait to understand why, how

But I know

It was me who ended them.

I am no one but everyone at the same time

I feel everything and nothing 

I am just another speck on this universe

Feeling only an ounce of the millions of tons of pain in this world

So why doesn’t it feel like it? 

The only thing I know

Is the emptiness so hollow it can barely surface

 

For me to feel it

Over time

The closets fill

The six feet fill

The papers fill

My hands fill

The surface overflows with flowers and dirt

Water seeps from the brass, tainted vase

Full to the brim

But nothing else

No nothing else

Fills. 

Over time

It all washes away

The dirt the flowers the paper

Even the house’s thick permeating scent of incense

But not the pain

The emptiness builds and builds

Growing stronger and stronger

Igniting, rising, fighting within

Gaining inertia and power

Until the force within me is so big

I have no choice

But to move on. 

- Marissa W. 

 

   

Homeless Joe

I’m Joe Homeless Joe I’m 68 years old and originally from Kentucky I used to have a job as a chef in New Orleans with my wife But after hurricane Katrina then we both lost our jobs She got a job up here and we moved Then she got cancer She was new at her job So she didn’t have health insurance I didn’t have a job I didn’t have health insurance It cost everything we had for her to get her treatments We got through all the nonsense the government puts you through And she still didn’t make it She was already on her death’s bed The government helped with some of the bills But I was broke at that point And I couldn’t get a job I’m old now Not like my younger days when I could just go out and get any old job to make some money I don’t drink or do drugs like everyone things homeless people do I don’t ask for money either I don’t cause no trouble I sometimes sleep down at the shelter, or someplace else Different places Just living and dying, like everybody else There’s not a lot a can do Hey, Joe. That’s right. The Hendrix song.

- Annel G. & Frida O.  

   

Jim Blake

Gustavo G. 

“Jimmy, we need you to pay up. It’s been weeks, now. Any longer and we’re going to have to start hurting people” said the man hidden in shadows. Jim had no idea where he was, he had been walking down the street when a blow struck him from behind, knocking him unconscious. He was just coming around when the heavyset man was speaking to him. He didn’t know where he was, but his nose sensed the strong smell of fish. The wharf, maybe? he thought while the man, who he only knew as Big Bill, began walking towards him. “You have one more chance. Meet us at the Point Pinos Lighthouse one week from now. You don’t, you might have an…accident in your house” the man whispered. “We’ll see you then”. Jim heard a noise from behind, then nothing.

Where am I? Jim thought as the world became bright again. Looking around, he saw grass, and a house in the distance – My house, he realized with a start. How did it come to this? What did I do? I’m going to need to talk to Laura…how did this happen?

“In other news, a Monterey man has won the state lottery, for a total sum of 1.4 million dollars. We were able to interview him as he accepted the check. When asked, he said that he was planning to go on an overdue honeymoon with his wife and buy a new house”. The announcer’s face disappeared as Jim turned off the television in the honeymoon suite by the beach.

“Honey, we were just on the news!” Jim cried from the lounge.

“I heard!” responded Laura, his newlywed wife. She walked into the room, sitting next to him. “Can you show me the house you are looking at again?”

“Sure, here we go” Jim said, opening his new laptop. “Right on the edge of town – spacious, luxurious, but close enough so that we don’t get removed from the city. How do you like it?”

“It’s amazing. And we have enough money to buy it?” Laura said in disbelief. “Yeah, we do. We can also get a car, new” he exclaimed breathlessly. “I don’t know what kind, but whatever it is, we can afford it. The house is only $600,000. We can buy it completely with cash, and never pay a mortgage ever again. We’d still need to find jobs, though.” Jim thought of his own fruitless job search. He had sent out over two dozen resumes in the past month, with no response. I’ll find something eventually. The money we have left over should be enough for a while. “What about investing all that we have left? The housing market’s going to boom again, soon – everyone’s talking about it”.

Laura hesitated, and then said “It sounds a bit…risky. I don’t want to lose all of this money we just gained. What about...half?”

Jim thought for a minute, then muttered “Okay, I guess that could work”.

After the honeymoon, Jim searched online for an investor specializing in real estate. Finding one, he called and arranged for a meeting. This is a great idea. I’ve looked everywhere, the returns look massive! As Jim walked into the office, he talked to Todd, the investor. “I see you’re looking to invest in…real estate? Might I recommend looking into buying foreclosed homes? They’re extremely inexpensive, with your budget; you could easily pick up two or even three. How does that sound?” Jim, skeptical, inquired more into the subject, and Todd convinced him that it would be a great investment. Jim signed the papers and headed home in his new Civic.

“Laura, I went through with it! We’ve got two foreclosed homes; they should sell within the year!” Jim cried across the house.

“Sounds great! I put the rest of the money in the bank!” After a brisk dinner, Jim sent out a few more resumes to prospective employers. Life is finally turning around, he thought as he fell asleep.

Months later, as Jim returns from his first day of work at Genetech, a red light is blinking on the answer machine. A new message? Who would call my home…maybe Todd? Intrigued, Jim clicks the button and a firm voice spills out: “Mr. Blunt, this is Kerry with the Monterey Police Department. We have some information we’d like to share with you. Please come down to the police headquarters in downtown tomorrow, Tuesday. Thank you and have a great day”. Jim shuddered, not liking what he was hearing. He firmly pressed the “Delete” button, not intending to tell Laura until he figured out what this was about.

The next day, Jim arrived at the police station and was greeted by a tall, graying man. “My name is Kerry, I’m a detective with the police force. Can we go into another room?” he asked, motioning to his office. The two of them entered, Kerry asking “Tea? Coffee?”

“No Thanks” responded Jim. “What’s all this about?” Kerry pushed forwards a massive file labeled “Todd Marshall Real Estate Fraud – CLASSIFIED”.

“I’ve been investigating fraud in the county recently, and one that slipped unnoticed until it was too late was one concerning Todd Marshall’s firm. He left the country a month ago, taking all of the money with him, while the value of the homes plummeted. I’m afraid in addition to losing your investment with him, you also appear to owe…$150,000 on the foreclosed homes.”

Jim had gone silent, his jaw open. He blinked a couple of times and stuttered

“S-s-s-urely you can’t be serious?!”

“I am very serious, Mr. Blake. I would recommend you speak with an attorney as soon as possible.”

“But…I need to leave. Thank you”. Jim promptly left and headed down to The Devil’s Nest, a bar in the outskirts of town. Several hours later, he came home to a very cross-looking Laura.

“Where have you been?! It’s almost midnight! Is that alcohol I smell? What the hell have you been up to?!” Cringing, Jim explained what happened, and Laura gasped. “Oh my god…let’s talk about this tomorrow. You need to rest”.

I’ve lost almost all our money. We need it back. There’s a casino called the Gold Country….

Jim was hitting everything, from roulette, Texas Hold ‘em, and slots. A lot of slots. One of these damn times, it’s going to have to pay out….screw it. I’ll try Blackjack at the high tables. I’ve always been good at that. Several hours later, Jim was much more drunk and had a significantly lighter wallet. I’ve run out, he realized. Laura is going to kill me….if she sees our bank statement our marriage is as good as over. Checking his account from his phone, he saw that it was straddling the line close to $0 in the balance. I could talk to a loan person….they can help, until I get a promotion at my job.

Jim, his head still hurting from his encounter with Big Bill, walked into the house. “Laura, we need to talk”. Laura walked into their kitchen, looking quizzically.

“Wait, honey, you’re bleeding! What happened to you?! We need to go to a hospital as soon as possible!” “It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt that much. I need to talk to you”. Jim explained what happened, watching as Laura went from horrified to hurt and saddened. Tears welled up in her eyes as she said

“I need to go. Don’t call me, I’ll be back in a few days”. She stormed out of the room, and Jim heard the screech of tires as she sped away from the house. My life is ruined. My wife is gone, I’m going to lose the house, get beat, maybe even killed… Jim spent the night awake, not sure what to do. His company called in the morning.

“I’m sorry to inform you that due to drastic cuts we’ve had to make, your position has been terminated. Please come pick up your belongings within two business days, if you fail to do so, they will be disposed of.” That’s it, then. No job, no wife, no home soon…what now?

Richard had seen plenty of strange people walk into his store over the years, ever since he inherited Shear’s Guns and Ammo, so the average-looking man who walked into his store today didn’t cause him to blink. “Can I help you?” Richard asked from across the counter. “Yeah…can I buy that revolver?” the man said softly, not menacingly, but in a tired voice. “Sure, just show me your ID, and I can do a quick background check…..you’re clear. That’s going to be $200, you get 10 free rounds with the purchase, is that all?” “Yeah, that’s going to be it. Thanks.” “No problem, have yourself a good one!” Richard responded to the beleaguered man leaving the store. I wonder what’s on his mind…nothing a good round at the shooting range can’t fix, thought Richard as he flipped through the latest issue of Sports Illustrated.

The moon was shining overhead as a new Civic rolled up to the shoreline of Forest Lake. This is where I took her on our first date, Jim thought to himself. We listened to…102.8… Jim twisted the tuning on the car radio as an oldies station turned on. “Imagine me and you I do…” So Happy Together started playing…louder, louder as Jim cranked up the volume dial. He looked at the moon, the shining light. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He tightened his finger – the light of the world disappeared.

   

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

“Jumping” 

As I look down at the world  and  think of the memories that make me feel cold I think of love, and think how I never had a lot and in all those bad memories, all the good ones, I just forgot I take one step forward and I can feel my heart pump I take a deep breath and I just jump the only thing left was air once I hit the floor and didn't die I thought of how this wasn't fair Then it went black I opened my eyes when I felt someone hold my hand I saw everyone around and then I finally got to understand I saw everyone's eyes crying, as they saw that I was dying I understood that I blinded myself to see what was always there because everyone who was with me did truly care and I knew in my soul that this wasn't my fate to find what I was always had a little too late. I felt so stupid, that I began to have an anxiety attack but it didn't matter because everything went black and the light never came back. 

- Kimberly S. 

   

“Love is Gone”  My love is gone, I only knew her from, Her movement, Her heartbeat, Her life, That I was responsible to carry.   Mother at 19? It wasn’t a mistake, The mistake…, The mistake was that I didn’t value it, I didn’t value every, Little, Moment…   I was selfish. I worried only about, Me. Worried about, When I kept this baby, How would I care for her, And my 5 year old brother.   No parents to help, No boyfriend. Just, Me.   When she was born, Holding her, There was so much love, Joy, And happiness, That this, Tiny human brought.   

9 days. 9 days of life. 9 days of being so sick. My poor, Little, Baby.   When the doctor told me, I couldn’t breathe, See, Or … Live.   My world was broken, And with no one to comfort me, A dark cloud grew over me. No one could understand, This, Type of, Bro‐ken, Heart.   I know now, Because my love, Is a tiny angel, Whatever horrible disease, That was in her, Is, Gone…   Coping with a death is never, Easy…, It’s something, That you have to… Endure.  

- Bijion S. 

   

 

Mountains Don’t Discriminate

Natasha Smith 

August 5, 1974 Light snow fell around me as my group and I made our way across the parking lot to Peak Lenin. My plan was to complete a traverse with seven other female mountain climbers. We would prove that women could do this without the help of men. “заинька Моя 1, think about your daughter; she is only three!” Chh. I was thinking about her. I was even partly doing this for her. My husband had absolutely nothing to worry about. Spotting a group of men nearby, I made sure to stick my nose up extra high when we passed them. After spotting the entrance to the mountain path, I barked some more orders and words of encouragement at my comrades before we began to ascend the mountains. A few minutes into our adverse-free climb, a teammate called out my “name.” “заинька!” 1 Abruptly, I turned my head around, only to scowl at Valerie, who had spotted a bunny. I was so used to my husband calling me that, that I sometimes forgot that people could be talking about an actual bunny and not calling for me. My eyes narrowed to slits. “Valerie,” I hissed at her. “we have no time for foolishness. Stop your oogling and keep walking this instant.” I did not appreciate it when someone made a fool of me in front of my teammates, even if it was my teammates who brought about that embarrassment in the first place. “Ah,” Valerie bowed her head, blond curls escaping from her navy blue hood to cover her eyes. “I am sorry, Tsetsiliya.” I sneered at her before turning around and continuing up the cold mountains. We passed by the rabbit, and I frowned at it, watching as it raced up back into the mountains. How dare it cause me such humiliation. It had probably been here to gather some food for its offsprings or something since the base of Peak Lenin was generally warmer around this time of year. Still... “Tsetsiliya, are you alright?” I blinked, before noticing the stares of two of my teammates who were closer to me. I blinked again before turning away from them.

“I’m fine,” I told them. “I just want us to get to the peak as quick as possible...” I didn’t have to see their faces to know that they were grinning. After all, this traverse of ours made all of us determined and put all of us into good spirits, even if I was more reluctant than others to show it. 3 hours later I took notice as the scenery around us began to change from the slight green of the meadow to the pure white of the mountains. More snow entered my field of vision as we passed Camp 2. We would now be facing more adverse weather conditions. Still, at least it was August. Any other month and it would almost be impossible to climb the mountain without freezing to death or getting caught up in a snowstorm. That wasn’t to say that we still could not get caught up in one, but our odds were greatly decreased in August. However, now that we were about the traverse Lipkin Ridge, I was suddenly filled with apprehension. Maybe we should rest first. I turned to face my teammates. “We should rest before we go through Lipkin Ridge. After all, we’ll need to conserve our energy if we want to complete this traverse.” My teammates agreed with me as we made our way back to Camp 2. I wanted to get this expedition quickly over with, but even I had to admit that taking a break now would prove beneficial to us. It would give us some time to eat our lunch and rest up, and we were already halfway to the peak, so we were in good progress. We all entered the small facility, and I immediately felt a wave of relief rush through me. Warm air seemed to hit me as the wave of chatter surrounded us. Other mountaineers tended to rest here too to take a break from the mountains. I spotted a mostly occupant free table by the fireplace, and made my way over there. The thought of being by a warm fireplace eating some borscht was strongly appealing. I sat down and took off my traveling gear and medicine pack so I could reach the lunch that was inside of my backpack. I made my way over to the dingy microwave, waiting in line for my turn as I began running through the itinerary in my head. 2 hours later After eating some borscht, using the restroom, and yelling at one of my teammates who thought it would be better to drink vodka instead of eating, we were on our way through the mountains again. Midnight

We...we did it. We reached the top! I turned around, wanting to share my rare joy with my teammates when I noticed the looks on their faces. Happy, but dangerously fatigued. Clearing my throat, which had gone dangerously dry from the elevation, I prepared to talk to them. “товарищи,” 2 Even I was surprised with how raspy my voice sounded over the gusts of the winds. “We have done it. We have finally reached the top of Peak Lenin.” They smiled widely at me, but other than that, did not do much in the hopes that they could conserve energy. “No longer will men be able to mock us or look down at us. They have belittled us, and now, we have shown them our true strength. However, I fear that a snowstorm may be brewing, so we need to make our way quickly to Camp 3.” After receiving nods of agreement and silent cheers, we began to descend down the mountains. However, after just 25 minutes into it, Valerie let out a cry of pain as she fell to the ground. Instantly, I was by her side. “Valerie, what’s wrong?” I managed to keep the concern out of my voice as I clutched her shoulder. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes as she began apologizing profusely to me. “прости меня, прости меня.” 8 She kept stating that over and over again while wincing in pain. I shook her lightly to get her attention. “Valerie, just tell me what is wrong!” The only reason I shouted was because the snowstorm was now picking up, making it difficult to hear others over the wind. I was really not liking this situation at all. “I think I broke my leg.” she sniffled. Inwardly, I cursed. I knew something bad like this would happen, though I was kind of hoping it wouldn’t. But, that was foolish thinking as the mountains many slopes and hills made it difficult to traverse without attaining an injury of some sort, especially when the snow was really beginning to pile up. It was a good thing I brought my medical kit for these sorts of situa- Where was my medical kit? I could’ve sworn I had it on me! My teammates seemed to notice my slight panic as I kept patting my body down, my black hair escaping my hood as I turned to take my travel pack off and search through it. Maybe I had put it in there...

Aasha’s heavily accented voice broke through the panic of my thoughts. “Tsetsiliya, is everything okay?” I looked up at the Kashmirian’s face, her worried violet eyes staring imploringly into mine. I knew I couldn’t hide the truth from them. “No, everything is not okay.” They all furrowed their eyebrows before Aasha spoke up again. “What is wrong?” I stared shame-facedly down at the snow. “I think I lost my medical kit.” Without a medical kit, we couldn’t accurately fix Valerie’s leg, nor could we move it as we didn’t know what sort of damage it could do to her. We weren’t professionals, so we didn’t want to inadvertently paralyze her for life or risk her health in any sort of way. Instantly, all of my comrades began to speak over each other. “What?!” “Where do you think it is?” “How could you lose it?!” “Valerie really needs help!” “How are we going to get to Camp 3 now?!” “Did you forget it at Camp 2?” Aasha interrupted them all. “Молчание!” 3 Instantly, they were all silent. Aasha turned to me. “So what do we do now?” I stared at her, feeling uncertain with my decision. So, instead of answering her, I took a couple of steps away from them and radioed Base Camp to ask for permission to sleep here. Of course, I didn’t really want to sleep here while we were all engulfed in a storm, but we really had no choice. We couldn’t descend any further down because of Valerie’s leg, which we had no way of fixing, and Camp 3 was at least two more hours away. During that time, we could seriously risk Valerie’s life if we did attempt to carry her down without proper care. After getting their approval, I turned back to my teammates to explain the situation to them. Then, after whines of disapproval and fear, we began to set up our cotton pup tents.

“Моя товарищи,” 4 They all turned to me. “I’m going to try and find some wood or anything useful that can serve as a splint for Valerie’s leg. That way, we won’t have to sleep in this storm for too long and can begin traveling again.” Instantly, Valerie began to cry. “I’m so sorry for being a burden!” I ignored her. It was my fault for allowing this situation to happen in the first place. I continued to talk. “I want all of you to stay here and try to keep each other warm. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” With that said, I left the tent only to be faced with a strong gust of wind hitting my face. I shook my head and scowled at the ground as I made my way around the mountain to look for something that could act as a splint. God, I was so tired. How could there have possibly been a snowstorm in the beginning of August anyway?! This was supposed to be the perfect month to climb Peak Lenin! I inwardly huffed as I continued my search, counting the minutes go by as I began to travel further and further from the camp site, still not finding anything suitable enough. When I radioed Base Camp, I should have asked them for help, I thought bitterly to myself. So what if the help came from males? At least they wouldn’t be suffering right now and facing the possibility of deat- No. They were going to make it through this. They did not need the help of any males. ‘Besides,’ I haughtily thought to myself. ‘They probably would not have been able to reach my group with a snowstorm of this magnitude anyway!’ So, I continued my search in peace, pushing away the nagging voices of reason. 25 minutes later It’s so strange. My ears keep itching and my toes are starting to tingle. Maybe I have frost bite. No. I’m just being weak. It’s just my mind trying to convince me that I am ill. I can overcome this illusion. I am not weak. I am a strong female that can overcome anything. 20 minutes later Amidst the pure white of the snow storm, I can just barely make out the outline of a cave. The thought of rest and shelter from this snow hell calls out to me, but I keep walking along my path. 5 minutes later

Where am I? 3 hours later How long has it been since I began this mission of mine? It seemed like ages ago that I was sitting in a tent with my comrades. I should have turned back a while ago. I knew it would be almost impossible to find anything in a snowstorm of this magnitude anyways, yet I still went out to search. My pride as a leader wouldn’t allow me to watch my comrades suffer in the cold because of me. But now, now... I was just goddamn useless. I had given up on the thought of walking a few minutes ago. I just suddenly dropped to my knees and found myself unable to stand. I felt my eyes begin to water as I clutched weakly at the snow beneath my fallen body. I couldn’t feel anything anymore. The snow seemed to envelope me in a cocoon of cold cruelty and evaporate the warmth my body struggled to maintain. Snow slowly began to build on top of me as I continued to gaze sightlessly at nothing in particular. Somebody, help me. No one was going to help me. I was all alone. По-русски! 5 Can we have kotleta po-kievsky when you get back? Natalia...my treasure. I’m so sorry. Please don’t grow up to be just like me. “заинька Моя 1, think about your daughter; she is only three!” I’m sorry, Yahul. I love you. Please, give Natalia lots of love for the both of us. Don’t let her grow up to be just like me. I should have shown my baby more love while I still could. Not this cold front I gave to everyone. I was foolish to think it would strengthen her. What kind of mother is frigid to their children?! God damn it, she was going to become just like me. I just knew it! I knew that tears were streaming the side of my face, but I still couldn’t feel it. It seemed like the moment my tears would leak out, they would turn to frozen crystals. Despair filled inside of me at the realization that my daughter would try to climb these mountains one day. I just knew it would happen. And, my comrades’ daughters would also try to climb this mountain one day too, and the same fate would probably await them too. Damn it! This was all my fault! My comrades were going to die because of me, and my daughter

and their children would grow up motherless, and my husband would go through life wifeless, and, and... пиздец дерьмо! 6 It wasn’t supposed to be like this! I just wanted to prove women could do it too! Was it really so wrong to try? I clutched more strongly at the snow. It was too late now though. Even I could admit that I was going to die. Women really were weak. The admittance of this still didn’t do anything to quell the ache in my chest. I should have shown more kindness while I still could. Suddenly, I saw something flicker out of the corner of my eyes. A person? No...nyet 7, it was just a bunny. Ah, it was the same one from before. Numbly, I watched as it neared me. Even if I wanted to shoo it away so I could die peacefully, something inside of me would not allow it. As I watched it try to burrow itself into my stomach for shelter and warmth, I slowly felt the heat of my heart begin to dissipate. Using the last of my energy, I unzipped my jacket slowly and painfully, and wrapped it around the bunny. I was going to die anyway, so there was really need to try and conserve any warmth now. A slight smile made its way onto my face when I realized that it stopped shivering. Minutes passed by as the wind continued to whip through my sleeves and snow continued to gather on the tips of my eyelashes. With the cruel howls of the storm and wind echoing in my ears and the smile still fixed on my face, I watched as the last puffs of air in front of me officially became one with the storm. Through the sharp air a flaky torrent flies, Mocks the slow sight, and hides the gloomy skies; the fleecy clouds their chilly bosoms bare, and shed their substance on the floating air. -George Crabbe . Russian Terms 1 заинька Моя [zainka maya] English Translation: My bunny 2 товарищи [da-vade~ shuu] English Translation: Comrades

3 Молчание [Mal ccha-ne yeuh] English Translation: Silence 4 Моя товарищи [maya da-vade~ shuu] English Translation: My comrades 5 По-русски [pa"ruskI] English Translation: Mama 6 пиздец дерьмо [bees(h)-diet(s) gidi-mor] English Translation: f--- sh-- (This form of f--- is more severe than others, often used in apolcalyptic settings.) 7 Nyet [nee-yet] Translation: No 8 прости меня [pru~us~stee mihn-nya] English Translation: I’m sorry    

New Corinth

Mason P. 

As Kyros entered the lab he wasn’t surprised to find Heron slumped over his work sleeping. He cautiously approached and gently tapped his shoulder. Heron immediately awoke from his sleep, glanced at Kyros, and returned to his work. “Sir, it’s three in the morning. Maybe you should get some rest. Your research will still be here in the morning.” Before Kyros could finish his sentence Heron had already resumed his work. “I’m close this time. The results are more promising than ever, I can feel it. It’s as if every test I’ve preformed for the past four years is culminating to this one breakthrough.”

"That's what you said during the last few experiments. Besides, you put too much of yourself into your work. You should spend some time on yourself for once. Maybe find New Corinth a queen.”

“There are more important things than me chasing women. New Corinth needs me. Its humanities only hope of rebuilding.” “I think you’ve given plenty Sir.” “Not enough as I should.” “What are you even working on?” “Radiation resistant crops.” Throughout their whole conversation Heron didn't turn to look at Kyros. “I figured such.” Kyros turned and left without saying anything. Heron didn’t even realize he was gone for a few minutes. After a while he took a break from his work, stood, walked to the window, and pulled the shades apart. The sun was barely starting to rise in the barren wasteland that stood before him. No life moved about beyond the rusted fence encircling the town. The poor started to emerge from the shacks made of scrap metal, and the middle class began leaving their barely standing houses that were in slightly better repair. The city looked like a giant shanty town. Near the back of the city on a hill stood the tallest building in the city: The Ministry. It contains all the offices of the government of New Corinth and is made of gleaming white concrete. He thought back to the day when he developed the cure for the Lazarus Virus. He felt pride in the knowledge that that action gave birth to this city, no matter how pathetic of a city it is. Looking at the horizon made that sense of pride vanish as he realized how insignificant the action was. No other settlements were known to exist outside of New Corinth. Only gangs of looters and small bands of vagrants wandering aimlessly. Heron finally conceded to his exhaustion and left the lab to return to his bedroom. He climbed up twelve flights of stairs to his quarters at the top of the Ministry. When he approached his door he was shocked to see what looked like a scroll held into his door by a nail that read, “You, the supposed wisest man left in the world, thought that he could escape his past. Well it has come back for retribution and will destroy you by the next sunset.” A wave of panic washed over Heron. He tried to dismiss it as coincidence, as some teen trying to make a joke, but he knew his worst fear was right. Nobody in the town knew of his past. If they

did they would have said something before. Someone new must have come to town and is now going to use his past to destroy him. A past he tried to leave behind and redeem himself for. He ripped the note off the door and entered his room slamming the door behind him. He started pacing back and forth and put his hands over his face. "No, it's not true. It can't be true." He squeezed his face with his hands and tried to control his anger but couldn't. He picked up a cup sitting the table and hurled it against the wall, receiving a little satisfaction from the sound of the glass shattering. He walked over to the intercom to contact Kyros. “Kyros.” There was no reply. “Kyros, Kyros wake up!” “What is it Sir?” “Who’s the head of security for New Corinth again?” “Neophytus Sir. Why?” “Send him to my quarters immediately. And don’t mention this to anyone.” Heron sat rocking back and forth in his chair with his head held tight in his hands. After what seemed like an eternity he heard a knock at the door and quickly answered it. Standing in his doorway stood a burly man with an overly round face and a large beard. “Neophytus, sorry to wake you so early but it’s sort of an emergency.” “If the Founder is calling me at five A.M. I figure it’s something important.” “Please, please come in. Would you like a drink?” Said Heron motioning towards a rare bottle of grain alcohol sitting on the counter. “Uhh, no thanks Sir. It’s a little early don’t you think.” Heron suddenly realized what an odd gesture it was yet poured himself a glass anyway. Neophytus stood awkwardly as Heron nursed his drink lost in thought about the note. “What exactly is this about Sir?” “Huh? Oh, right, sorry. I found a strange note on my door when I returned home this morning.” “What did it say exactly?” “That’s not important. I want to see the security log of non-government personnel who entered this building yesterday.” “There were none Sir.” “How are you so sure.” “Watched the main entrance myself, and plus, none were mentioned in the security reports.” “What about the security footage of this floor.” “We can check that."

"Can we do that now?"

"If you wish." “Yes, that would be best, better take care of this as fast as possible.” Neophytus lead Heron out of his room and to the security station. In the corner sat a network of computers that stored all the monitor's footage. The monitors were dilapidated and covered in grime. Neophytus entered his password on the computer. “Let me pull up the footage starting when you left your room and we’ll fast forward from there.” The footage started with Heron leaving his room and locking the door. Throughout the day people hurried past his door, but no note appeared. Then suddenly the footage went to static.

Neophytus hit the side of the monitor with his hand, and when it did not go back to normal he started to rewind the footage. “Sorry Sir, these monitors barely work anymore.” When the footage hit the same spot it went blank again. Neophytus sighed and went to rewind once more. “Wait, let it play out.” Eventually the footage returned after a few seconds and a note was now on Heron’s door. “I’ve never seen the cameras do that before. They’re hard wired to each other. I didn’t even know that was possible.” Heron’s fear was anything but eased. He started backing away from the monitor, terrified by this unknown enemy.

“This can’t be a coincidence, it’s impossible. Lock down The Ministry. I don’t want anybody coming in or out. Station some men on my floor. Contact the security networks and see if anybody new has entered the city.”

“But Sir I don’t even understand what the threat is.” “You can’t know, nobody can know.” “You can’t expect me to take such drastic security measures or know how to protect you

if I don’t even know...” Neophytus was cut off by the sound of an explosion as they both were thrown from there

feet. Heron’s ears were ringing and he was in a delirious fog as he composed himself. He ran to the window and saw that the gate to The Ministry had been blown open and an angry mob was now pouring in. Neophytus came to Heron’s side and struggled to understand why any of this was happening. He ran to the other side of the room and activated an alarm and switched on an intercom.

“Attention all personnel, attention all personnel. The Ministry is under attack. All non military personnel evacuate to the designated safety areas. All security forces put the first few floors on lock down and try to clear the civilians out of the building. We think the Founder’s life may be under threat.” Before Neophytus could turn to Heron to demand an answer for what was going on, the chanting of population had grown loud enough so that they both could clearly hear the words being chanted, “Death to Heron. Death to the destroyer.” Neophytus whirled to Heron and spoke to him like a parent disciplining a child.

“What are they talking about?” Heron was paralyzed by fear and did not know what to say. “What are they talking about?” Said Neophytus emphasizing each word. “I - I will tell you. But you must continue to protect me. Before the great extermination I

was a leading scientist. The government contracted me to conduct research on viruses and genetic modification. I was trying to engineer healthy viruses to harmful bad ones.”

“Are you saying that you created the plague?” “No, well - well not entirely. The government was monitoring my research and used it to

create the great plague.” Heron looked at Neophytus’ face to see if he had convinced him. Neophytus slowly

reached his hand for his pistol and pointed towards the door. “Let’s get you to your room for now to keep you safe.”

Neophytus lead them out of the security room and towards the stairwell. As they left the room they heard the screams of the mob demanding Heron and the soldiers trying to calm them. As they entered the stairwell they heard the sound of gun being fired in the distance.

“I doubt we’re not going to be able to hold them much longer, our security is not large enough to hold off all of New Corinth,” said Neophytus. “It’s all going to shit, everything I’ve worked for is going to be destroyed,” said Heron to no answer.

When they arrived to the top floor Kyros was standing there waiting for them. “Sir! What’s going on out there?” “A rebellion,” said Heron indifferently too caught up in his own thoughts. “What?” “I’ll explain later,” said Heron almost calmly as he walked past Kyros to retreat into his apartment, but before he could open the door Kyros stopped him.

“One - one more thing Sir. Right after you left with Neophytus a man who claimed to be an old friend of yours asked to see you. He’s waiting for you in your apartment.”

“Who is he?” “He said he wanted to surprise you, but that you probably would be able to guess.” As Heron began to turn the door handle he knew that there was an unmistakable

connection between the rebellion and this guest. He knew that he must be the one who started this, but why would he be so foolish as to hand himself over. As the door opened he was genuinely shocked to find Meletus, his old understudy, sitting in a chair with his legs crossed coyly starting at him.

“Hello Heron. Long time no see.” “You bastard, you caused all this?” “Yes. Why do you look so surprised?” “Firstly, you died in Sparta.” “You thought I died in Sparta. You know, we both turned out the same, more or less.

After you abandoned me to die along with the city, I recovered and made an anti-virus. I then built a colony on the coast, called Outer Haven. But, my secret came out a few months ago, and those thieving looters threw me out, just like they will do to you.”

“We never heard of your colony.” “And we never heard of yours. After my banishment, I wandered around Greece for a few months until I heard of New Corinth from some nomads.” “What, so now you’re coming here to ruin everything for me because you failed?”

“No, I’ve come for retribution. You lied to me. You told me fantasies of saving the world and solving all of it’s problems.”

“I didn’t know any of this would happen either!” Heron screamed as he turned and started pacing the room. “What did you hope to accomplish with all of this? Huh? Do you realize that you have destroyed humanities last chance at rebuilding?”

“Do you think I’m that stupid, to haphazardly run in here without a plan? No, I’m here to overthrow you, and you take your place as ruler of New Corinth.”

“Why do you think that they’ll accept you over me?”

“Because I’m a victim, just like them.” “You’re just as guilty as me and you know it.” Neophytus had been standing there silently throughout their whole conversation, not

quite sure who to believe. He was the first to realize that the chant of the mob was slowly growing louder.

“Uhh Sir, I think that they might have gotten through.” “Well don’t just stand there block off the door.” Heron dashed across the room towards the couch as Neophytus quickly followed. “Get over here and help me you fool.”

Neophytus tried his best to help Heron as he frantically moved about the room using every piece of furniture as a blockade. Heron knew the futility of his actions and that they would break through eventually, but this was the only thing left to do and to keep him from going insane. “This if of no use Heron. They will soon break down those doors and expose you for the vermin you are.” “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Yelled Heron as he flung a glass that was sitting on the table at Meletus. The glass struck Meletus in the temple and then shattered as it hit the wall. Meletus fell to the floor but quickly stood back up. His forehead was gashed and blood was already running down his face. Heron stood in panic, wishing he could take back what he had just done, even though he thought Meletus deserved it. He was surprised as he saw a smile come to Meletus’ face. “This will only make me look like more of a victim Heron.” Before Heron could reply they all realized that the mob was now in the hallway outside Heron’s room. Then they heard a loud bang on the door, followed by a pause, and another large bang. “They’re using a ram,” said Neophytus in shock. “Well don’t just stand there, brace the entrance.” Heron and Neophytus ran towards the door to help brace it while Meletus stayed on the couch laughing. “It’s of no use. They will break down that door sooner or later.” Heron refused to accept defeat, bracing the door every time it would violently tremble. The door held solid for a short time, but the hinges were slowly being torn from the wall. “Oh it’s of no use. I’m down for,” said Heron. As he let go of the door and slowly backed away his body went limp as all of his willpower that remained vanished. He backed away slowly towards the balcony that overlooked the city. He turned to look at New Corinth and as he did the rest of the world faded to an ominous drone as he observed the city. Every street, business, and home was completely empty. Every citizen was outside his door. All that he had rebuilt, all the breakthroughs he had made, and everything he had done in hopes of rebuilding society was now vanishing before his eyes. He was ripped from his thoughts by the sound of the door breaking free from the wall. He whirled around to find a herd of citizens and soldiers storming his room. Meletus stood upon the couch and instantly seemed to take control of the crowd. “There he is people of New Corinth, your supposed Founder. The one who was supposed to make everything better.” “Spare me your borrowed prophecies. Citizens, citizens, whatever lies this charlatan has told you are completely false. This man is a fraudulent manipulator and speaks nothing but lies. He

has turned you into a bunch of savages for his own whim and hopes of taking over New Corinth. Don’t be fooled by him, and besides what evidence has he put forth?” “Heron, again you doubt me. I found the government records of your research lab.”

Panic washed over Heron. He could not dismiss the claims as hearsay as he had hoped. “Allow me to explain citizens.” “Oh what, do you think you’ll convince us that it’s okay? That you should be forgiven for it?” Said a short portly man near the front of the crowd. “My intentions were pure. I was researching genetic modification to help cure sickness, not create it. The government took my research and twisted into a form of evil and through their carelessness released it upon the world.” “Yes, but you knew that your research was being monitored.” “Yes, of course I knew it but I didn’t expect things to turn out the way they did. I figured that I could do more good with the government grants than they could do evil with my research. Besides, why do you follow this man? Why do you look at him any more highly than me?” “Don’t try to blame me for what happened. You lied to me, you told me our research was going to help the world, and I was stupid and young enough to believe you. I’m just like all the citizens before you, tricked by your guise of trying to help humanity.” Heron smirked at Meletus’ foolishness and knew that he could easily bring him down with him. “Have you failed to tell the people that it was you who made the most important breakthrough of all, the one they used to make the plague?” The crowd turned and cast an accusing look at Meletus not sure who their enemy was anymore. Meletus became frantic trying to prevent the mob from turning against him. “He lied to me just as he lied to you. I am in the same boat as all of you.” “Yes, except you created that boat. Do you think you deserve points for your ignorance, for your lack of concern for what your research was being used for? Yes you knew it was being monitored and the government would use it for evil, but you were just like me. I remember the day you made the breakthrough. You came into my office screaming about. How it was going to solve so many forms of man’s sickness. But look what it did, your creation.” “No you don’t. Don’t you dare turn this on me, you know that you are the guilty one here. I was just conducting the research that you told me to.” “What do you think, this is the Nuremberg Trials?” “I think you’re both a bunch of worthless crocks, and your crackpot science is what got us here. You both should be banished from New Corinth,” said a young, tall, gaunt man in the crowd.” “No citizens! Please, act rationally. Yes I was wrong and my research was used for bad and go ahead and take away my power as leader of New Corinth. But please, I beg you, allow me to stay here and work in my lab. It’s humanities only hope, and in some form my redemption. That is why I have been spending endless hours in my lab, in hopes that all my breakthroughs would in some way make up for what happened.” “We don’t want the likes of you two hurting us anymore. They should both be banished from New Corinth!” Said the same tall man in the crowd. The rest of the mob screamed in agreement. “No!” Yelled Heron as he fell on his knees and put his forehead to the ground. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked up at the crowd and pleaded with them, “Don’t you realize

what you’re doing? You’re killing your only hope of rebuilding. You’re condemning the future generations just like I did. Please, please, let me at least work as a scientist for New Corinth. I’ll be a slave to The Ministry dammit. I don’t care, I just want to try to redeem myself, however little it may be.” “We don’t want your science ruining our lives anymore!” Screamed the same young man in the crowd. “Seize both of them! Take them to the jails!” The crowd obeyed his authority for no other reason than he pretended that he was in charge. Heron went limp again loosing all will to resist the crowd. Meletus panicked as he realized that his plan had not worked out and that he was going to return to the position he had been in hours ago. Neophytus knew that it was no hope to try to stop the mob and watched as they seized Meletus and Heron. “No you don’t understand! I’m just like you! I was tricked and lied to!” Meletus’s pleading was of no use as he was quickly swallowed by the crowd. The mob took them to the holding rooms on the security floor of The Ministry. The tall young man continued to act as the leader of the crowd. They decided to banish Meletus and Heron from the city, and at the suggestion of the gaunt young man they were to be chained together at the ankle with a sign on the chain explaining what they had done. Heron and Meletus were eventually lead to the city limits and told to never return. Neither of them had spoken to each other since being carried off to their jail cells nor had any desire to do so. Without having to agree on it they both walked towards what seemed like Athens. They scavenged for food, set up camp, and traveled towards Athens for weeks. Neither of them said one word until they were nearly at the summit of a hill that had once overlooked Athens. Meletus broke the silence by saying, “Wouldn’t it be ironic if when we walked over this hill we found Athens’ skyscrapers gleaming in the distance and that the city was unscathed by all this madness.”

 

“Oh No!”

Oh No!

As I stand way up here On this rusty ladder

I breathe in this glorious whether

I look down, They look up,

But reality, She is no where to be

Found

They see me But they do not

See the ladder that I am upon

But I feel reality lurking, With a quick gust I feel

Reality shaking me My ladder squeaks

Like an old rocking chair

But my own Glorious

Reflection distracts me

I did not see her coming Reality she crept like a thief

And Snatched the ladder

Right out from under me And hard did I fall

Left defenseless in my pain Unable to get off the floor

- Brandon U.

 

“Retributionar” 

There is a fire in my soul, Its fuel source knows no end, And even though this broken body, Cannot come back from this blight, Even though it’s frozen cold, The fire in my soul will burn. My captors laugh at my demise, Almost a corpse, damaged beyond repair, But there is still a smile within my eyes, A retribution to be dealt out. There is a fire in my soul, A debt to be repaid, My captors’ smile shall soon falter, And I will hold their gaze. The nervous shift in their eyebrows, The uncertainty of their fear, Only makes my fire stronger, The light is on its way. There is a fire in my soul, By now they have realized their fate, The device I rigged is set to spit, Its fiery death on every last, I shall close my eyes as fire consumes all, The fire in my soul has burned.  

- Jason N. 

   

    

“The Great Loss”  

Waiting…

In the halls of the hospital

Hearing children screaming in pain

Intravenous line 

polls attached to each child…

Dragging behind them

Like a ball and 

chain on a prisoner’s ankle

As they walk down

Each hallway…

You may ask,

Why

Am I here?

Two words

My son

That’s right

It’s my son…

You seem so surprised

Are you asking,

What for…

He’s here, for…

Bone Cancer

I can still hear his

Screams tonight…

Every night

I would

Hold my son

That was bundled up

With ice around

His whole body

Watching him, each

Night, cry and moan himself to

Sleep…

Because

Of the

Immense pain

Shooting through

His entire body

From

Head to toe…

All I can remember

Now is

Watching…

him in

My arms

Stiffening and

Becoming

Ice cold

No warmth felt,

All the

Life was

Sucked

From the

Room

And my son

… But now

I live my life

And treasure it

Because

I know how life

Can be given or 

taken

Away at anytime

Even when you

Least, expect, it  

- Thalia B.  

   

   

“The Red Waterfall” 

Let me tell you story about a girl who loved life but had a dad who loved death and wished he was never a dad A long long time ago skipped a girl with a dress was white as snow came across something new oh so big and clear was a lake with fish that looked oh so near so fascinated was the girl these fish so small yet free to be if you wish to be free follow me said a fish the little girl did just so she followed and followed swimming further and further until she heard a sound louder and louder it was what’s that asked the girl don’t worry said the fish just let the water carry you and so the little girl closed her eyes and spread her arms she no longer felt emerged in water no she felt she was flying now on every night when the moon is full the waterfall turns red and a laughter is heard as a shadow sneers  

- Denzel C. 

   

 

 

 

Migrant Mother

Nikole Lanchares & Arielle Steinhart 

Chapter 1:

It was late summer in 1929, and the days seemed endless. I lived for those summer

days in Chicago. On the weekends, John would get off work and we would take the boys down to Sherwood Pond. John and I would lay on the grass with Eric, who was barley ten months at the time, and watch Tim splash in the pond with Bobby, who was always desperate to keep up with his older brother. I was living the life I had always dreamt of as a young girl. I had everything I needed, a spacious home, an adorning and successful husband, and three beautiful sons. Everything was perfect, but I soon learned that nothing can stay that way forever.

Chapter 2: The day began like any other. I awoke in the morning at seven to fix John his breakfast.

As I handed him his steaming plate, I saw the worried look in his eyes. Things had been slow in the office for the past few months, but I thought nothing of it. The market always fluctuates, I thought naively, surly he would be back on top in no time. I finished the morning chores quickly, hoping to have enough time before lunch to take the boys out for a walk in the brisk Autumn afternoon. But before I could finish wrapping Timmy in his scarf, John burst through the door. At first, I didn’t believe what he told me. It wasn’t until he switched on the radio that I began to realize the severity of the stock market crash. I thought of all the poor people and how they would suffer greatly. I couldn’t sleep that night thinking about what they would all do.

Despite all the whispers and worried conversations I heard from others, I never thought it could actually effect my life. A week later, after I had put the boys to bed, John asked if I would sit and discuss something with him. The seriousness in his voice scared me, but I hesitantly agreed. John sat in the wooden chair across from me and stared at his hands. For a moment, I thought he might cry, but instead he cleared his throat and looked at me in the eyes.

“We must discuss the finances,” he stated bluntly. I was surprised. John had never discussed issues of money with me before. Besides the

stipend he gave me for the market or clothing, money was never something we talked about. That was always a man’s job. “Yes, this whole situation is just dreadful isn’t it. I was actually wondering if we might be able to spare some extra to give to all those poor families who lost every-.” “ Emily,” John cut in, “I mean we must discuss our personal finances.” “Okay, well what about them?” I asked. “We are going to have to cut back significantly.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “We are fine right, we are not like the others right?” John looked down at the table. “Its worse,” he said under his breath. “What do you mean its worse?” “I’ve lost my job.”

I couldn't help but gasp. “Well, that isn’t t so bad. I am sure you will find another job quickly, with all of your qualifications. And until you do, we can use our savings to get by. We do have savings right?” I asked desperately.

“We did, but we’ve lost them all. They’re all gone. And there are hardly any jobs left,” John said, his eyes still glued to the table.

“You will find a job. You must, and you will. Now if you don’t mind I must go finish the invites for the ladies gala on Saturday. I do expect you to come John, I’ll lay out your good suite.” I walked away quickly, not able to look at John in the eyes. I was sure that he would find a job, and that thing s would go quickly back to normal.

Chapter 3 John didn’t find a job the next week, or the week after that, or even the next month. We

argued constantly. He yelled when I bought a dress, and told me there was no money for the market. The fights were harsh and constant. I always claimed he wasn’t trying hard enough to find a job, and he told me that I was in denial. But all I could think about was him finding a new job so that I could wake up from this nightmare. Weeks passed and each day John would return looking broken and defeated. I no longer saw my friends, ashamed that I would be forced to tell them about the embarrassing situation. The bills began to pile up quickly, and John started to look for odd jobs to pay some of them off. I was heartbroken when I had to feed the boys soup for the third day in a row. It got to a point were John and I hardly spoke. He would awake long before the sunrise to try and find work, and I would care for the boys, trying to maintain some consistency in their lives. On the 30th of November, the landlord came once again. John spoke with him at the door in hushed whispers. When he left, I asked John what had been said. He looked at me and told me that there was no money left, and that we had to move out. I was stunned, and demanded to know more. When? Where would we go? Why did you let this happen? Can’t you reason with him? But, John refused to speak with me. He walked out the door, and promised we would talk when he returned.

But John didn’t return that night, or the next morning. I was frantic, I left the house and walked around the city trying to find him. I went to the homes of his brother and his friends. All said that they had neither seen or heard from him in weeks. I waited by the front door for what seemed like days, desperate to see him walk through the door. On the third day that he was missing, I left the boys with the neighbor, and walked to the police station. I waited for hours, only to talk with a man who showed no sympathy. He told me that the manner in which my husband had left indicated a runaway, not a missing person. I begged him to take the case, I swore to him that my husband was not one to leave his family. He must be hurt or lost I argued. But it was all in vain, the policeman sent me home in a state of misery.

That night, when I returned home, my nightmares were confirmed. A suitcase was missing along with the majority of John’s wardrobe. All that was left was a note that said “I’m sorry. I really did try.” I stared at the note for hours. I couldn’t even come to terms with what I had just discovered. John is gone. He left. He is not coming back. I repeated it in my head a thousand times, but it wouldn’t sink in. I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t even look at the boys. I didn’t sleep that night, instead, I lay awake trying to imagine how we would survive. At six the next morning, I was jolted upright by a knock on the door. It was the landlord. Suddenly, I remembered what John had said before he had left: there is no more money. We need to move out. I thought that surly the landlord would be kind to our situation. But he wasn’t. I begged and pleaded with him. I told him that we had no were left to go, and asked if he could give me just two weeks to find the rent money. But he wouldn’t budge, stating that John had not paid a dime in over a month. We had 24 hours to vacate the property.

Chapter 4 I didn’t know what else to do. We had no money, no job, and were about be evicted. The

only thing I could think to do was to ask the only family member I had left if we could stay with them. My sister, Jill, and I were never the best of friends. We only talked once every few months. Growing up, she was older and serious while I was outgoing and carefree. She never approved of the choices I made in my life. I didn’t know how she would react when I asked her, but it was the only option I had left. That night I told the kids to pack up everything they could fit

in a bag. I will never forget the looks on their faces when they asked if daddy was coming too. I couldn’t bear to tell them the truth.

“Dad will meet us there, he is just on a little business trip.” When everything was ready to go, we left our house. I had never felt more humiliated as we walked along the streets holding all of our possessions in brown paper bags. I thought of how I used to look at people on the street and feel sorry for them. I would have never guessed that one day I would become one of them. We arrived around 8:15, and I asked the boys to wait on the curb. I slowly walked to the front door, shaking from the fear of rejection. I knocked three times and waited. It was the longest 30 seconds of my life. Suddenly, the door opened and I saw my sister standing in front of me. She was taller than I, but with the same hair and eyes. She look tired and as if she had lost weight, the lines on her face had grown more pronounced.

“What are you doing here Emily?” she asked. I couldn’t stop shaking, but eventually I was able to find the words that were stuck to the

back of my throat. “I need help. John left and we have no where else to go.” I didn’t realize I was crying until after I finished my sentence. At first, I couldn’t read her

face. She seemed to be rationalizing it in her head, like she had always done. “Jill, please,” I begged, and motioned to the boys who were waiting by the curb. Finally, she gave a quick, silent nod and motioned me to come inside. I called to the boys and helped them gather their things. “There’s not a lot of space so you will all have to stay in this room,” Jill said quickly. “That's fine, thank you so much, I don’t know how I will ever be able to repay you.” “Well don’t think this is coming free, starting tomorrow you are looking for a job. I might be your sister be we are going through hard times too, and we need rent”.

The next morning I left the boys with my sister and went out looking for work. I spoke to every shop owner, office building, and restaurant that I could find, but no one needed or wanted any extra help. I was desperate and scared. I knew that if I didn’t find something quick, Jill would make us leave. Everywhere I looked, there were people begging on the street, and ever time I heard about a job, there would be a line a mile long with people, much more qualified than I, ready to apply. After 6 weeks of searching, I had given up hope.The situation at my sister’s home was getting worse and worse. I felt bad that the boys were not in school and that Tim had to watch his younger brothers all day. Jill was anxious and bitter. I often overheard the hushed arguments between her and her husband, Charlie. I knew they were fighting about us. Dinners were becoming smaller, and space was getting tighter. I was reminded of the times before John left. One night, after another exhausting day job hunting, I arrived at the house and Jill was waiting out front. I knew what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth.

“Jill, please no,” I pleaded as tears began to fall out of my eyes. “Think of my boys, we will have no where to go.”

“I’m sorry, Emily, I truly am. But this can’t go on any longer.” “Please, I know I’ll find work soon, and Tim, hes almost nine, he could find something

to.” “Whatever it is, it won’t be enough.” “Please Jill, please just don’t make us go, we are family.” “Well what about my family Emily? I have them to think about. Charlie is upset, he has

four more mouths to feed and we can barley support ourselves. I can’t risk him leaving me like John left you,” she screamed. The tears fell from her face as well as mine. “Please, just be gone by morning.”

Chapter 5

I couldn’t sleep all night. I stared out my window until I saw the sun begin to rise behind my curtains. I tiptoed around the boys, who were sleeping quietly on the floor, and gathered our

few possessions. At six, I woke the boys up and lead them out of the house. I wanted to be gone before Jill awoke, even though I knew I would probably never see her again. The boys were very tired, so they didn’t ask a lot of questions, which I was thank full for because, honestly, I didn’t have any answers. We walked a few miles into the center of the city, and the boys began to ask about breakfast. I had no idea what or where to buy food. I had little money and I had been hoping to save it for shelter. After walking a few more miles, I saw a long line of men and woman wrapped around the outside of a building. I peered around the front, and saw “Soup Kitchen” scrawled across the doorway. I was confused for a moment because the people in line didn’t seem to be homeless. They were clean and well dressed, in fact, I was sure I saw a few people I recognized. Nonetheless, I quickly ushered the boys to the back of the line. It was cold, and the line seemed to be moving at snail’s pace. More and more people began to gather behind me. As we waited, I overheard a conversation from the men behind me. “So where are you staying these day William,” the fist man asked. “I’ve got my family over at Highland Park, there are about fifty families over there theses days,” the second man replied. “Hey, well I got some inside information you might be interested in.” “Is it a job?” “Yeah, a good one too.” “Where at?” “Out in California. I heard they’ve got lots of work out west. Looking for anyone too, even young kids and women.” “Really, you headed out there?” “Yeah, just as soon as I get the train fair saved up” “How much is it?” “Eight bucks one way.” As I heard this conversation I began to formulate a plan of my own. After the boys and I had received our rationing of soup and bread, I told them to grab their things because we were headed out to Highland Park for a little camping trip.

Chapter 6 We had been staying at the park for three months, and I had desperately been trying to

save enough money to buy four tickets to California. I don’t know why, but I felt that our troubles would be over if somehow we could just get out west. I had a built a makeshift home out of cardboard and some plywood. A big change, from our fourth story apartment building. My days were spent trying to find food, and any odd jobs. So far, I had barley been able so save enough for us to survive, let a lone buy the tickets we needed. The days were long, dry and lonely. I had tried to befriend some of the other families, but everyone seemed to be more interested in their own well being. I was beginning to lose hope. I need to get out of the city. I need to take more drastic measures. The next day, I found myself standing outside of the local market, like so many others, begging for money. I watched as an older woman walked inside. Without thinking, I followed. I walked three steps behind her, trying not to draw any attention to myself. I watched as she carefully choose her groceries and walked to the counter to pay. She put her purse on the counter, and for just a split second, she looked away. I knew this was my only shot. I reached out and grabbed the purse,I stuck it under my arm, and ran out of the store. I didn’t stop running for nearly a mile. Finally, I sat down at a bench and opened the bag. My hands shook as I struggled with the clasp of the wallet. Without looking, I reached in and pulled out several crisp bills. I opened my eyes and counted. She had exactly twenty two dollars. I took a deep breath in, it wasn’t enough. I needed 32 to get all of us on the train. I weighed my options. I knew that I had three dollars saved up. I could wait and save the rest, but I knew that wasn’t possible. It had taken me nearly four months to save three dollars, how long would take to save

nine more? I knew I only had one option left. The thought made me sick to my stomach. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but the only thing I could.

The next morning, I woke the boys early. They had all grown so much since our days in the apartment, I barley recognized them. As we walked to the train station, I could feel the weight of the twenty two stolen dollars in the small velvet pouch I kept in my pocket. I knew the boys could tell that there was something wrong. We arrived and I asked them to weight by the platform. I moved toward teller, my heat pounding in my chest.

“Three tickets to Sacramento California,” I whispered. “What time?” the teller asked. “As soon as possible.” “Your in luck, we’ve got a train passing through Ohio on its way to Sacramento leaving in

about fifteen minutes.” “How much?” “For three, that will be twenty four dollars even.”

I carefully unfolded the bills from inside the small velvet pouch. I leafed through them until I counted out all 24. I remembered back when I could have spent twenty-four dollars in a week, now, the bills felt strange and unfamiliar. I handed him the money, and watched as he filled out the tickets. I slid my hand into the velvet bag and thumbed my one emaining dollar. The teller cleared his throat and slid the three tickets towards me. “Have a good trip,” he said with a smile.

I forced a smile back at him, and turned around to look at my sons. Tim was holding Eric, and Bobby was sitting on the floor with his head cradled in his hands. I checked the clock, we had barley ten minutes left. The thought of those ten minutes made my eyes water. As we walked over to terminal three, I held Eric in one arm, and grasped Bobby’s hand in with my other. I stopped in front of the platform, and I couldn’t let go of either of my sons. I stood for a moment, until I heard Bobby speak. “Mommy, where are we going?” I looked at his face for a long time before answering. “Were going to California sweetheart.” “But, why?” “Well, because in California its always warm and sunny, and it California we can find work and then we can get a new house.” Bobby looked up and smiled. “Will we have a swing in our new house mommy,” he asked. “You bet we will.”

Just then Tim interrupted. “You are coming too right Mom?” I looked at my eldest son. I felt so bad for him, in the last year he had had to grow up faster than any child should ever have to. He seemed so much older, mature, it was only because of Tommy that I knew I was making the right decision. “Yes,” I answered, but my eyes must had given me away because he dove into my arms. “Please Mom, let us stay with you. Please, please, please,” he begged as tears fell from his eyes. “You have to go,” I whispered into his ear, “You have to.” He pulled away from my shoulder and I looked into his eyes. I tried to suppress my own tears. “Take care of your brothers, and I will meet you there soon. I promise.” I heard the train approaching so I took a hold of Bobby and kissed him on his forehead. Then, I took Eric and cradled him in my arms one last time. The train pulled into the station and the other passengers began to board. Bobby began to cry and wouldn’t let go of my leg. “Bobby, darling you have to go,” I whispered into his ear. “No!” he yelled back. “Bobby, be a big boy and get on the train with your brothers.” “When will you come?” “I’ll be right behind you.”

I handed Tommy a bag with the last of their things, and the velvet pouch with my last dollar bill. I kissed them each one last time and watched them as they turned around and walked away. Tears streamed down my checks as I realized I was seeing their faces for the last time. I stayed in the train station for hours, alone, standing by the platform. I imagined my sons growing up without me. But, at least, now they might have a chance at survival, a chance to grow up. I closed my eyes and remembered back to those early summer days, when we were carefree and happy. Although I realized I would never experience such joy ever again, I hoped that my sons would one day relive such happiness. I sat on the bench for hours, watching the people come and go. I waited until darkness began fall over the city, and the trains stopped running. I waited until the kind teller put his hand on my shoulder and asked me to leave. With one last look across the platform, I walked alone into the city.    

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

“Deepest Darkness of Despair”

Watching The World Fade Before My Eyes People Living Happily While I Wither Into Despair

So Kill Me Now To Put Me Out Of Misery

Watching The World Fade Before My Eyes No One Here On My Side In The End

So Kill Me Now To Put Me Out Of Misery

Watching The World Fade Before My Eyes Hope Has Gone So Cold So Dry

So Kill Me Now To Put Me Out Of Misery

Watching The World Fade Before My Eyes Hearing Voices In My Head Crying In Terror So Kill Me Now To Put Me Out Of Misery

Watching The World Fade Before My Eyes Take Me To The Other-side Where I Belong So Kill Me Now To Put Me Out Of Misery

Views Of Heaven So Bliss And Beautiful

Heaven Is My Home So Kill Me Now To Put Me Out of Misery

 

- Alex E. 

   

“Vicious Cycle” 

 

Mama and Daddy Like to sit in brown glass gardens Like to hold me in their laps And watch shapes on green tinted screens Daddy smells like grey clouds And Mama's eyes look like black roses Or sometimes blue Mama and Daddy Like to have secrets with themselves To mouth silently while Daddy likes to play doctor on his arms Because it makes him happy And Mama likes to smell little lines of sugar when she bakes Mama and Daddy Like to be taken on surprise vacations By navy silhouettes With silver bracelets Behind their backs so the neighbors won't be jealous Mama and Daddy Like to live in the dark So the light can't seep in And hurt their eyes Daddy likes to sing loud at Mama And play the drums on her arms Or face Mama and Daddy Like to go to the park To play with their shadowfriends Daddy likes to make up handshakes And Mama with cryptic vernacular I like to watch them Mama and Daddy From the crack in the door And drift into someday When I'm old enough to be just like Mama and Daddy

 - Riley Butterfield