10/13/2012
1
Transforming Stress
Rick Silva
A service provided by: Veterinary Hospital Managers
Association
Turning Destructive Tension into
Productive Action
VHMA 2012 Annual Meeting and Conference
October 18-21, 2012
Renaissance Vancouver Harbourside Hotel, Vancouver, BC
Transform
Business
Relationships
Strategies
Approaches
Lives
Transform = Change
Old for New
Not Working for Working
Working for Better
Comfort for Growth
Knowing for Learning
Transform Yourself
See Things Differently
Explore The Unknown
Trust Your Senses
Take Good Notes
Ask Questions
For You At This Conference
10/13/2012
2
Change is not merely
necessary to life.
It is Life
~ Alvin Toffler
Reactive Change
-50
+30
0
Transform = Power
1.
2.
3.
Transforming Stress
Examine Stress
Clear Away Assumptions
Separate Cause & Effect
Reframe Stress From … ‒ Something to Fear, Endure, Fight
To
‒ Something to Use, Manage, Balance
Explore Practical Solutions
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Transform Your Business
TRANSFORMING YOUR
BUSINESS
1. Define, communicate and live a clear and
compelling Vision
2. Organize everything around that vision
3. Create Systems that serve the organization and
achieve the vision easier, faster and more
enjoyably
4. Communicate throughout the entire process
5. Develop a Plan and continually adjust
Business Development
Process
Transforming Business
Anything you want to change about
your business
N1
Stress
EXAMINING STRESS
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What causes you Stress?
• Activities / Situations
• Pet Peeves
• Behaviors
• People
“I get stressed when …”
(list)
“If people would just … ______
I would have little of no stress.”
(list)
N2
Transforming Stress
Anything you want to change that
causes you stress
N3
How do you cope?
N4
So Stress is … ?
Bad / Problem
Harmful
Destroying Our Health
Costing Us Millions
Unavoidable
Needs to Be Fixed
– At My Gym
– Using My …
• Pill, Supplement, Potion
• Product, Gadget, System
Reputation
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Stress Is … Healthy
Stress is …
• An Essential Part of Life
Required For …
• Maintenance & Health
Important For
‒ Growth & Stamina
Builds Healthy
• Bone
• Muscle
• Intelligence
• Character
Healthy!
Types Of Healthy Stress
Physical • Walking, Running, Jumping
• Lifting, Bending, Stretching
Mental • Analyzing, Solving, Creating
• Strategizing, Planning, Organizing
• Exploring, Remembering, Imagining
Emotional • Feeling, Describing, Understanding
• Empathizing, Connecting, Retaining
• Expressing, Channeling, Resolving
Benefits Of Healthy Stress
Physical • Muscles, Bones, Organs
• Mood, Energy, Stamina
• Mental Clarity, Emotional Release
Mental • Quickness, Learning, Retention
• Capacity, Knowledge, Discernment
• Understanding, Eloquence, Influence
Emotional • Stability, Resilience, Effectiveness
• Empathy, Understanding, Acceptance
• Maturity, Depth, Connection
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Adequate Recovery
Regular Deep Sleep
Frequent Rest / Relaxation
Periodic Recreation
Regular Exercise
Enjoyable Social Interaction
Daily Solitude
Home Base / Sanctuary
Healing From Trauma
Healthy Stress
Requires One Thing
If You’re Coming to Work Tired,
Sick or Diminished In any Way
You Are Not Doing Your Job
Playing Hurt
Is Being Irresponsible
Stress / Recovery Balance
Old Performance Level
New Performance Level
Increasing Ability
Increasing Stamina
Increasing Awareness
Increasing Enjoyment
Sustainable / No Limits
Stress
EXAMINING STRESS
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Then What’s The Problem?
Too Little Stress Atrophy
Too Much Stress Damage
Inadequate Recovery Disease
• Physical
• Mental
• Emotional
Stress / Recovery
Stress
Recovery
Adequate
Insufficient
Time Energy $’s
• Doing You No Good
• Producing No Results
• Draining You
• Creating Illness
Two Avenues
1. Increase & Improve Recovery
Methods
2. Reduce The Amount of
Unnecessary Stress We
Tolerate & Create
Sources of Stress
External Sources
‒ What Happens Out of Our Control
‒ What Happens By Our Neglect
Internal Sources
– Problem Avoidance
– Insufficient Resolution
– Artificial Magnification
– Outright Fabrication
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Stressors Out of Our Control
Environmental
– Seasons / Tides / Weather
– Hurricanes / Floods / Drought
– Red Lights / Accidents / Traffic
– Economy / Government
What People …
– Think
– Feel
– Say
– Do
Opinions
Moods
Judgments
Criticisms
Manipulations
Attacks
Gossip / Slander
Complaints
… etc.
Stressors By Our Neglect
Mistakes
Misunderstandings
Miscommunication
Missed Deadlines
Tension / Friction
Speculation / Suspicion
Mistrust
Resentment
Grudges
Terminations / Resignations
What We Neglect
What We Neglect
‒ Relationships
‒ Systems
‒ Processes
‒ Agreements
What It Costs Us
‒ Productivity
‒ Innovation
‒ Enthusiasm
‒ Trust
All It Takes is Maintenance
– Attention
– Cooperation
– Consistency
– Appreciation
– Encouragement
– Acknowledgment
– …
Stressors We Avoid
Conflict
Confrontation
Difficult Issues
Unpleasant Feelings
Unwelcomed Truth
Incompetence…
Embarrassment
Blame
Opinions
Appearances
Rejection
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All Coping Is Avoiding
A Short List
Prescription Drugs
Alcohol, Caffeine, Energy Drinks,
Food, Smoking
Worry, Regret, Guilt, Shame
Forecasting, Rehashing, Speculating
Gossiping, Criticizing, Complaining
Excuses, Blaming, Rationalizing
Shopping, Collecting, Acquiring, Hoarding
Busyness, Controlling, Helping
Belittling, Sympathizing, Advising
Pleasing, Pretending, Niceness
Intimidating, Interrogating,
Convincing, Coercing, Manipulating
Playing Dumb, Fragile, or Incapable,
Being a Know-It-All, Hero, or Savior
Agreeing to Disagree
Insufficient Resolution
Failure to bring Issue into full view and
completion to the satisfaction of
everyone involved
– Compromise
– Agree to Disagree
– Arguing
– Sniping
– Silent Treatment
– Elephant In The Room
– … Avoidance
Magnification & Fabrication
Stressor
Initial
Response
Involuntary (seconds)
Choice (hours - weeks)
No Control
Thoughts
Pain Suffering
Thought
Prolonged
Escalating
Response
Reducing Pain
Pain is a part of life
Suffering is optional
Pain tells us something is wrong
and needs our attention. Relieving
the pain without addressing the
issue leads to and prolongs
suffering:
• Fatigue,
• Poor Performance,
• Illness
• Disease.
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Stress
TRANSFORMING STRESS
Change Is . . . Then what’s so Hard?
Easy
Forcing
Resisting
Change Becomes EASY
When We’re In The Flow
RESISTING & FORCING
Are: Automatic & Normal
Complete Wastes of Energy
Creating & Prolonging
Resisting Behaviors
– Avoiding
– Coping
– Judging
– Defensiveness
– Worry
– Suspicion
Forcing Behaviors
– Motivating
– Punishing
– Forecasting
– Predicting
– Driving
Situations
“Bad” Situations …
– Become bad because of
something you don’t see …
They Stay “Bad” Because of :
… Your unwillingness to LOOK
and
… Your unwillingness to ACT
Situations Improve …
– When you raise your
– And you do something different
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B
E
L
I
E
F
S
Unexamined Beliefs
Examined / No-longer want
Examined Keep
New
Old Belief
New Belief
Normal Wisdom
“Practice Makes ….”
“People In Glass Houses …”
Tortoise & Hare … Moral?
Perfect Permanent
Slow & Steady Wins the Race Confidence vs Arrogance
Shouldn’t Throw Stones Isn’t Throwing Stones Always Bad Idea ???
“Don’t Throw Stones”
Only V
What if … you’re trapped in a glass house Should Throw Stones
Life get easier as we give
up the habits of
resisting the changes
we fear and forcing the
changes we desire.
W
O
R
L
D
Y
o
u
B
E
L
I
E
F
S
Thoughts
The Game
Feedback
Words
Actions
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W
O
R
L
D
Y
o
u
B
E
L
I
E
F
S
Thoughts
Feedback
Words
Actions
Extent to which your external
environment is congruent
with internal beliefs
Seeing yourself as the
source of your experiences
How you create
everything
W
O
R
L
D
Y
o
u
B
E
L
I
E
F
S
Thoughts
Feedback
Words
Actions
Eradicate Stress
by
Demonstrating Integrity
Being Responsible and Practicing
Open, Honest, Communication
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Normal Life
We Feel Out of Integrity …
and We Ignore It.
We Know It’s Our Responsibility …
and We Abdicate It.
There’s Something To Communicate …
and We Withhold It.
Failure & Success
Failure –A few simple errors in judgment
practiced every day
Success
–A few simple disciplines practiced
every day
~ Jim Rohn
Integrity
INTEGRITY
Integrity
External Internal BELIEFS
ENVIRONMENT
Environment?
Old Belief?
New Belief?
What needs to change ?
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Integrity
Actions That Damage
Compromise
Behaving Poorly
Tolerating Poor Behavior
Unclear Agreements
Being Judgmental
Giving Advice
Integrity
Actions That Build
Vision / Values
Mutuality
Agreements
Walking Your Talk
Extent to which your external
environment is congruent with
internal beliefs
Guidance
Purpose – Who You Are
Vision – The Game You Wish to Play
Mission – How You Wish To Play It
Values – Governing Principles
Values
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Abundance
Acceptance
Accessibility
Accomplishment
Accountability
Accuracy
Achievement
Acknowledgement
Activeness
Adaptability
Adroitness
Advancement
Adventure
Affection
Affluence
Aggressiveness
Agility
Alertness
Altruism
Amazement
Ambition
Amusement
Anticipation
Appreciation
Approachability
Approval
Art
Articulacy
Artistry
Assertiveness
Assurance
Attentiveness
Attractiveness
Audacity
Availability
Awareness
Awe
Balance
Beauty
Being the best
Belonging
Benevolence
Bliss
Boldness
Bravery
Brilliance
Buoyancy
Calmness
Camaraderie
Candor
Capability
Care
Carefulness
Celebrity
Certainty
Challenge
Change
Charity
Charm
Chastity
Cheerfulness
Clarity
Cleanliness
Clear-mindedness
Cleverness
Closeness
Comfort
Commitment
Community
Compassion
Competence
Competition
Completion
Composure
Concentration
Confidence
Conformity
Congruency
Connection
Consciousness
Conservation
Consistency
Contentment
Continuity
Contribution
Control
Conviction
Conviviality
Coolness
Cooperation
Cordiality
Correctness
Country
Courage
Courtesy
Craftiness
Creativity
Credibility
Cunning
Curiosity
Daring
Decisiveness
Decorum
Delight
Dependability
Depth
Desire
Determination
Devotion
Devoutness
Dexterity
Dignity
Diligence
Direction
Directness
Discipline
Discovery
Discretion
Diversity
Dominance
Dreaming
Drive
Duty
Dynamism
Eagerness
Ease
Economy
Ecstasy
Education
Effectiveness
Efficiency
Elation
Elegance
Empathy
Encouragement
Endurance
Energy
Enjoyment
Entertainment
Enthusiasm
Environmentalism
Ethics
Euphoria
Excellence
Excitement
Exhilaration
Expectancy
Expediency
Experience
Expertise
Exploration
Expressiveness
Extravagance
Extroversion
Exuberance
Fairness
Faith
Fame
Family
Fascination
Fashion
Fearlessness
Ferocity
Fidelity
Fierceness
Financial
independence
Firmness
Fitness
Flexibility
Flow
Fluency
Focus
Fortitude
Frankness
Freedom
Friendliness
Friendship
Frugality
Fun
Gallantry
Generosity
Gentility
Giving
Grace
Gratitude
Gregariousness
Growth
Guidance
Happiness
Harmony
Health
Heart
Helpfulness
Heroism
Holiness
Honesty
Honor
Hopefulness
Hospitality
Humility
Humor
Hygiene
Imagination
Impact
Impartiality
Independence
Individuality
Industry
Influence
Ingenuity
Inquisitiveness
Insightfulness
Inspiration
Integrity
Intellect
Intelligence
Intensity
Intimacy
Introspection
Introversion
Intuition
Intuitiveness
Inventiveness
Investing
Involvement
Joy
Judiciousness
Justice
Keenness
Kindness
Knowledge
Leadership
Learning
Liberation
Liberty
Lightness
Liveliness
Logic
Longevity
Love
Loyalty
Majesty
Making a difference
Marriage
Mastery
Maturity
Meaning
Meekness
Mellowness
Meticulousness
Mindfulness
Modesty
Motivation
Mysteriousness
Nature
Neatness
Nerve
Nonconformity
Obedience
Open-mindedness
Openness
Optimism
Order
Organization
Originality
Outdoors
Outlandishness
Outrageousness
Partnership
Patience
Passion
Peace
Perceptiveness
Perfection
Perkiness
Perseverance
Persistence
Persuasiveness
Philanthropy
Piety
Playfulness
Pleasantness
Pleasure
Poise
Polish
Popularity
Potency
Power
Practicality
Pragmatism
Precision
Preparedness
Presence
Pride
Privacy
Proactivity
Professionalism
Prosperity
Prudence
Punctuality
Purity
Rationality
Realism
Reason
Reasonableness
Recognition
Recreation
Refinement
Reflection
Relaxation
Reliability
Relief
Religiousness
Reputation
Resilience
Resolution
Resolve
Resourcefulness
Respect
Responsibility
Rest
Restraint
Reverence
Richness
Rigor
Sacredness
Sacrifice
Saintliness
Sanguinity
Satisfaction
Science
Security
Self-control
Selflessness
Self-reliance
Self-respect
Sensitivity
Sensuality
Serenity
Service
Sexiness
Sexuality
Sharing
Shrewdness
Significance
Silence
Silliness
Simplicity
Sincerity
Skillfulness
Solidarity
Solitude
Sophistication
Soundness
Speed
Spirit
Spirituality
Spontaneity
Spunk
Stability
Status
Stealth
Stillness
Strength
Structure
Success
Support
Supremacy
Surprise
Sympathy
Synergy
Teaching
Teamwork
Temperance
Thankfulness
Thoroughness
Thoughtfulness
Thrift
Tidiness
Timeliness
Traditionalism
Tranquility
Transcendence
Trust
Trustworthiness
Truth
Understanding
Unflappability
Uniqueness
Unity
Usefulness
Utility
Valor
Variety
Victory
Vigor
Virtue
Vision
Vitality
Vivacity
Volunteering
Warm-heartedness
Warmth
Watchfulness
Wealth
Willfulness
Willingness
Winning
Wisdom
Wittiness
Wonder
Worthiness
Youthfulness
Zeal
Mutuality
100:100 – Vs. 50/50
Partnership – Vs. Division of Labor
Responsible – Helpful
Aligned - All Win – Vs. Compromise
Empathetic – Vs. Compassionate
Committed – Vs. Tolerant
Truth – Vs. Polite
Open – Vs. Defensive
Mutuality
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Agreements
1. Specific Conditions of
Satisfaction
– Size
– Color
– Quantity
– Quality
2. Specific By-When
– Date / Time
For Everything
Walking Your Talk
Living Your Vision & Values
Abiding By Agreements
Practicing Exactly What You
Are Asking Everyone Else
To Practice
Follow Your Own Requirements
Stress
RESPONSIBILITY
CHANGE
Who do you know who needs to
change?
The Hard Truth :
The Only Person You Can
Change is Yourself
The Good News:
When You Make Changes In
Yourself: Business, Stress Level
and Others WILL Change
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You Are The Reason …
What You’ve …
Created
Allowed to Be Created
Refused To Allow
Whatever’s Lacking Is An Invitation
To Learn
To Grow
To Teach
Your Business Is where it is!
Your business is as great as you
have been and will be as great as
you are willing to become
Transforming Yourself
Anything you want to change about
yourself
N5
Responsibility
Actions That Avoid
Blame
Excuses
Motivating
Punishing
Caretaking
Defending
Deflecting
Two Mindsets
Reactive
– Motivated by Pain
– Only Relieves Angst
– Problems Remain
Creative
– Motivated by Possibility
– Innovative Solutions
– Problems Disappear
Change Is a Part of Life
Same Effort - Different Results
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Pain – Urgent
– Normal
– Expensive
Possibility – Vision
– Enjoyment
– Self Expression
Motivation Two Primary Forms
M
A
A
M
I
S
V
A B
Motivation
C V
A I
A
Inspiration
R
Motivation vs. Inspiration
A Comparison
Tolerating
In Your Business?
In Your Relationships?
In Your Life?
Tolerating is Passive Agreement
and Encouragement to Continue
What Are You Tolerating?
Look No Further for Why You’re
Tired
Frustrated
Overworked Burned Out
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Consequences
Vs. Punishment
Stress
COMMUNICATION
Stress
What We Can’t Express
Runs Our Life
~ Anonymous
Communication
Communication is not about ...
– Quantity
or
– Frequency
Communication is about …
– Quality
And
– Completion
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Communication
That Erodes Trust
Incomplete
Indirect
Manipulative
Disrespectful
Demeaning
Judgmental
Violent
Indirect Communication
Common Forms
Complaining
Sarcasm
Withdrawal
Performance Changes
Gossip
Tardiness / Absence
Facial Expressions
Moodiness
To The Appropriate Person
In The Moment
Responsibly
Respectfully
Powerfully
Consistently
Persistently
Direct Communication
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“Our ultimate freedom is
the right and power to
decide how anybody or
anything outside ourselves
will affect us..”
~ Stephen R. Covey
Transform Communication
Be Direct
Say What You Mean
Ask For What You Want
Stick To The Facts
Always Be Respectful
Listen
Communication That
Diminishes Trust
Moralistic Judgments
Making Comparisons
Denial of Responsibility
Making Demands
Examples
Moralistic Judgments Violence is bad
People who kill others are evil
Making Comparisons
Satisfies a sincere desire to make yourself miserable
Denial of Responsibility
I cleaned the exam room because I had to
I have to suspend you because it’s policy
I drink because I’m an alcoholic
Making Demands
Any statement that attempts to get someone to do
something through coercion, (to please, to gain
reward, to avoid punishment).