Transitions: adopted persons and their families Presenter: Jaclyn Skalnik, MSW, CAPSW Adoption...

Transitions: adopted persons Transitions: adopted persons and their familiesand their families

Presenter: Jaclyn Skalnik, MSW, CAPSWPresenter: Jaclyn Skalnik, MSW, CAPSW

Adoption Wellness LLCAdoption Wellness LLC

Coalition for Children, Youth & FamiliesCoalition for Children, Youth & Families

August 7, 2014August 7, 2014

Transition - definitionTransition - definition

a movement, passage, or change from a movement, passage, or change from one state, stage, concept or subject one state, stage, concept or subject to anotherto another

www.adoptionwellness.comwww.adoptionwellness.com

The Three Goals:The Three Goals:

To help parents understand why To help parents understand why transitions can be critical to an transitions can be critical to an adopted childadopted child

To identify when your child is To identify when your child is stressedstressed

To provide techniques to minimize or To provide techniques to minimize or manage the stress/anxiety related to manage the stress/anxiety related to transitionstransitions


Core Issues of Adoption for the Core Issues of Adoption for the Adopted PersonAdopted Person

1.1. LossLoss

2.2. RejectionRejection

3.3. Guilt/ShameGuilt/Shame

4.4. GriefGrief

5.5. IdentityIdentity

6.6. Intimacy & RelationshipsIntimacy & Relationships

7.7. Control/GainsControl/Gains


What Causes Stress & Anxiety What Causes Stress & Anxiety for Adopted Persons?for Adopted Persons?

The unknown / new situationsThe unknown / new situationsNot having basic needs metNot having basic needs metFearsFearsTraumaTraumaLossLossExpectationsExpectations


Examples of Transitions:Examples of Transitions:

Life events: birth, Life events: birth, adoption, death, adoption, death, marriage or marriage or divorcedivorce

Move to a new Move to a new homehome

SchoolSchool FriendsFriends Adults/authorityAdults/authority


Reactions to TransitionsReactions to Transitions

All children have their own reaction to All children have their own reaction to transitions. Adopted persons may react to transitions. Adopted persons may react to transitions differently based on their transitions differently based on their history, personality, age, experiences, history, personality, age, experiences, trauma, loss and how they are parented.trauma, loss and how they are parented.

Responses:Responses: external reactionexternal reaction internal reactioninternal reaction


SchoolSchool

Starting a new Starting a new schoolschool

Returning to school Returning to school after a breakafter a break

New teacherNew teacher

New friendsNew friends

Triggers of core Triggers of core adoption issues:adoption issues: LossLoss SeparationSeparation IdentityIdentity AuthorityAuthority Expectations &Expectations &

RejectionRejection


Family EventsFamily Events


Birth, foster or adoption of a new child

=Threatens the child and is seen as competition

Marriage, separation or divorce

=Challenges permanency, love and perpetuates rejection

Death of a pet or loved one

=Abandonment, grief or loss

Tools for a Parent’s Tools for a Parent’s BackpackBackpack

School: Be Planful and IntentionalSchool: Be Planful and Intentional-Arrange a visit to a new school prior to -Arrange a visit to a new school prior to

the school year startingthe school year starting

-Take photos and create a story-board-Take photos and create a story-board

-Involve the child in the preparations of -Involve the child in the preparations of school (supplies, clothing, etc.)school (supplies, clothing, etc.)

-Connect with other families and their -Connect with other families and their childrenchildren

-Establish a “plan” with the school-Establish a “plan” with the schoolwww.adoptionwellness.comwww.adoptionwellness.com

Tools (cont.)Tools (cont.)

New HomeNew Home

-Involve the child in the packing and moving-Involve the child in the packing and moving

-Give the child some control over their new -Give the child some control over their new spacespace

-Have a closing ceremony at the old house -Have a closing ceremony at the old house and an opening ceremony at the new and an opening ceremony at the new househouse

-Retain a tangible symbol to transition -Retain a tangible symbol to transition between homesbetween homes


Tools (cont.)Tools (cont.)New Family/CaregiverNew Family/Caregiver

-Create and review a memory or life book -Create and review a memory or life book that includes photos, notes or special that includes photos, notes or special memoriesmemories

-Transitional item: photo, blanket, -Transitional item: photo, blanket, favorite item, etc.favorite item, etc.

-Keep dialogue open about feelings-Keep dialogue open about feelings

-Support the child with reinforcing -Support the child with reinforcing statements regarding their permanency statements regarding their permanency and roleand role



New RelationshipsNew Relationships

-Encourage safe space-Encourage safe space

-Support boundaries-Support boundaries

-Supervise new meetings-Supervise new meetings

-Talk with parents-Talk with parents

-Keep communication open-Keep communication open

-Be cognizant of social anxiety, fear of -Be cognizant of social anxiety, fear of rejection and people-pleasing attemptsrejection and people-pleasing attempts



New Family MemberNew Family Member

-Prepare for the new family member -Prepare for the new family member with casual discussionwith casual discussion

-Include children in the home in -Include children in the home in preparing the new child’s spacepreparing the new child’s space

-Encourage deliberate, uninterrupted -Encourage deliberate, uninterrupted special time with other children in special time with other children in the homethe home

-Validate all children’s feelings-Validate all children’s feelingswww.adoptionwellness.comwww.adoptionwellness.com


Death of a Pet or Loved OneDeath of a Pet or Loved One

-Talk about the emotions being -Talk about the emotions being experiencedexperienced

-Review photos and memories of the -Review photos and memories of the loved oneloved one

-Validate the loss before reinforcing -Validate the loss before reinforcing the gainsthe gains

-Self-disclose-Self-disclose

-Attend or create a ceremony of -Attend or create a ceremony of closureclosure


What Else Can You Do?What Else Can You Do?

1. Validate the child’s feelings1. Validate the child’s feelings

2. Be in touch with our own 2. Be in touch with our own feelings/emotions and recognize our feelings/emotions and recognize our own barriers and communication stylesown barriers and communication styles

3. Remember all children experience 3. Remember all children experience things differentlythings differently

4. Acknowledge the child’s history and 4. Acknowledge the child’s history and experiences and how it may impact the experiences and how it may impact the situation situation


Adopted persons with a Adopted persons with a history of separation, loss, history of separation, loss, grief, trauma or neglect, grief, trauma or neglect,

may experience transitions may experience transitions with elevated levels of with elevated levels of

stress and anxiety. This is stress and anxiety. This is a natural coping a natural coping

mechanism based on their mechanism based on their body’s memory of early body’s memory of early

experiences that may have experiences that may have been less than ideal. been less than ideal.

Loved ones of adopted Loved ones of adopted persons can help support a persons can help support a healthy transition by being healthy transition by being

mindful, deliberate, mindful, deliberate, sensitive, empathetic and sensitive, empathetic and

patientpatient.. www.adoptionwellness.comwww.adoptionwellness.com

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