MAY 2018 “ ” T here is a time for the blues, and losing someone you love is understandably one of those times. Although we all know that eventually our death or the death of those we love is going to be a part of our journey, along with death comes grief and along with grief are those days when we just can’t seem to pull out of the blues. There is a big difference between black and blue, however. Making sure you don’t slide from one into the other is what therapy, friends, journaling and support groups are for. Diet, exercise and proper rest are always important, but especially when one is under the strain of grieving. If others have volunteered to help with meals, now is the time to let them, even if you’re accustomed to caring for yourself. Often times, it is most difficult for a caretaker to accept caring from others and ironically, it is just what they need. After my mother died I recall feeling famished. It was strange because I had no desire to eat anything. A hospice nurse explained that during stress and grief we burn an insane amount of calories. Even though you may find that you lack the desire to enjoy a meal, your body still needs fuel. The last thing on your mind right now is probably working out, even if that is a normal part of your routine. Going out for a walk by yourself or with someone else is an ideal way to change the scenery and get your blood pumping at the same time. Even deep stretching will oxygenate fatigued muscles. At bedtime you may find that you simply cannot turn off your mind and go to sleep. This is normal, but since sleep is crucial to maintaining health, it’s important to find a way to combat this. Some people find it helpful to watch something light and funny just before bed, so as not to have anything too serious to dwell on when it’s time for rest. A sitcom may just be the way for you. Studies have shown that laughter boosts the immune system, fending off susceptibility to bugs and viruses. It’s better to drift off with laughter than with worry. If you are already doing everything you can to fight the blues to no avail, then you may want to consider talking to someone. Often someone who knows us, such as a trusted friend, can put us back on the right track. Trust the people who care for you, to care for you now. If you are a private person and don’t care to share with anyone you know, journaling your feelings may be something you’d consider. You don’t need to be an award-winning writer to jot down your feelings and you don’t need to show anyone your journal. If neither the idea of writing nor confiding in a close friend is appealing, there are also support groups that are designed for this difficult time. All of us eventually lose someone without whom we Grief does not change you...it reveals you. —John Green, The Fault in Our Stars turning the pages through grief BLACK by Paulette LeBlanc & blues “Providing Comfort To Families” www.familyfuneralhome.net Mandy Luikens & Tiffany A. Hofer Owners/Funeral Directors Highmore, SD ● 605-852-2432 Miller, SD ● 605-853-3127 Gettysburg, SD ● 605-765-9637 Faulkton, SD ● 605-598-4141 Eagle Butte, SD ● 605-964-3614
Transcript
MAY2018 “ ”
There is a time for the blues, and losing someone you love is understandably one of those times. Although we all know that eventually our death or the death of
those we love is going to be a part of our journey, along with death comes grief and along with grief are those days when we just can’t seem to pull out of the blues. There is a big difference between black and blue, however. Making sure you don’t slide from one into the other is what therapy, friends, journaling and support groups are for.
Diet, exercise and proper rest are always important, but especially when one is under the strain of grieving. If others have volunteered to help with meals, now is the time to let them, even if you’re accustomed to caring for yourself. Often times, it is most difficult for a caretaker to accept caring from others and ironically, it is just what they need. After my mother died I recall feeling famished. It was strange because I had no desire to eat anything. A hospice nurse explained that during stress and grief we burn an insane amount of calories. Even though you may find that you lack the desire to enjoy a meal, your body still needs fuel. The last thing on your mind right now is probably working out, even if that is a normal part of your routine. Going out for a walk by yourself or with someone else is an ideal way to change
the scenery and get your blood pumping at the same time. Even deep stretching will oxygenate fatigued muscles. At bedtime you may find that you simply cannot turn off your mind and go to sleep. This is normal, but since sleep is crucial to maintaining health, it’s important to find a way to combat this. Some people find it helpful to watch something light and funny just before bed, so as not to have anything too serious to dwell on when it’s time for rest. A sitcom may just be the way for you. Studies have shown that laughter boosts the immune system, fending off susceptibility to bugs and viruses. It’s better to drift off with laughter than with worry.
If you are already doing everything you can to fight the blues to no avail, then you may want to consider talking to someone. Often someone who knows us, such as a trusted friend, can put us back on the right track. Trust the people who care for you, to care for you now. If you are a private person and don’t care to share with anyone you know, journaling your feelings may be something you’d consider. You don’t need to be an award-winning writer to jot down your feelings and you don’t need to show anyone your journal. If neither the idea of writing nor confiding in a close friend is appealing, there are also support groups that are designed for this difficult time. All of us eventually lose someone without whom we
Grief does not change you...it reveals you.—John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
turning the pages through grief
BLACKby Paulette LeBlanc & blues
“Providing Comfort To Families”www.familyfuneralhome.net
Mandy Luikens & Tiffany A. HoferOwners/Funeral Directors
cannot imagine living. In any case, if you know you are struggling, you don’t have to go it alone, so please don’t.
Having the blues sometimes seems to simply be a part of life. It can even be expected after a loved one dies. Only you can determine if and when those blues are fading
into black. Don’t be afraid to tell someone you are struggling, even if you feel more comfortable sharing that with a professional. Take comfort in the knowledge that no season lasts forever, and please remember to be
kind to yourself during this time of grieving.
turning the pages through grief
Paulette LeBlanc, who is trained in family counseling, is a published author, editor and freelance writer, who currently resides on the Gulf Coast of Florida.
Don’t be afraidto tell someone
you are struggling.
yagottalaugh
Things I Wish IKnew Before MyMom Died:Coping with LossEvery DayBy Ty Alexander
Amazon Review:The grieving process: Ty Alexander of Gorgeous in Grey is one of the top bloggers today. She has a tremendous personal connection with her readers. This is never more apparent than when she speaks about her mother. The pain of loss is universal. Yet, we all grieve differently. For Alexander, the grieving process is one that she lives with day-to-day. Learning from her pain, Alexander connects with her readers on a deeply emotional level in her debut book, Things I Wish I Knew before My Mom Died: Coping with Loss Every Day. From grief counseling to sharing insightful true stories, Alexander offers comfort, reassurance, and hope in the face of sorrow. Coping with loss: In her early 20s reality smacked Ty in the face. She was ill equipped to deal with the emotional and intellectual roller coaster of dealing with her mom’s illness. Through her own trial and error, she found a way to be a caregiver, patient advocate, researcher, and a grieving daughter. She wrote Things I Wish I Knew before My Mom Died: Coping with Loss Every Day to help others find the “best” way to cope and move on, however one personally decides what that means.
Epilogueby Susie Moore,
Life Coach
susie-moore .com
How to know what will
(really) make you happy
“Why can’t I just be satisfied with things as they are now?” exclaimed a client of mine over lunch when she was talking about getting engaged. Katie contacted me as a life coach to help scale her business, but her dissatisfaction in her personal life was making her palpably confused and upset.
I asked what was really bothering her. She explained she felt pressured to marry her long-term boyfriend when, the truth was, marriage was not something she valued. Katie’s parents wanted her to have a traditional wedding—and soon—but she decided against it. She and her boyfriend are still together (and happy) now but on their own terms. And Katie says, “Everything feels right about it.”
Most people come to me for guidance. Sadly, many would choose misery (or even a job they don’t love) over uncertainty (launching a passion project for profit). A good chunk of people I coach are too afraid to leave the comfort, and security to pursue what truly lights them up. What are you really risking by not pursuing what you love? Even the time it takes to build something is not an excuse. No matter what you do, life passes anyway.
What do you want most? Let me let you in on a secret: You can dream it and live it, without input from anyone else. Only you know what’s right for your life.
If something’s not working for you—a job, a relationship, an investment, a friendship, a belief that doesn’t serve you, or even a change in your life through death—rethink it and decide if you can find the “good in goodbye”?
