TWO AGENTS First Draft Critique

7/27/2019 TWO AGENTS First Draft Critique

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NOTE TO READER: please tell me WHY! Love it, hate it, what works,

what you thought didnt work, what jokes landed, what didnt, what

serious moments touched you, what didnt, what characters were real,

who was not, the tone, anything you want please be elaborate!

Also, I cut down the spacing so it wouldnt take so long to

download- probably much easier to read if you double space it orsomething

THANK YOU!

TEASER.

INT. EVICTED HOUSE'S LIVING ROOM - MONDAY NIGHTBOOM!A door explodes to pieces and we see a MALE AGENT (mid 30s) wide

jaw, clean cut, enter with his GUN (silenced 9mm) drawn. CRASH! A wide living room window standing behind eight seated menshatters, and we see a FEMALE AGENT (late 20s/early 30s) full black

jumpsuit (no cleavage), hair in ponytail, athletic, enter with no

visible weapon.MALE AGENT

Hands on the ground! NOW!Seven men fall face down on the ground.After a moment we see one bearded, Russian man, BRAVE MAN, on his

knees with his hands behind his head, laughing quietly to himself.The Female Agent steps within a foot of the Brave Man.

FEMALE AGENTYou heard him. Hands on the ground beardy.

Brave Man continues to look forward, noticeably laughing.The Female Agent's delivery is snide, pessimistic,and germane.

FEMALE AGENTWhat?

(pause)What's up smiley? There's obviously something you're

giggling about so uh... C'mon. Let's hear it.BRAVE MAN

(Russian accent)You. You dress like boy, but you are girl.

A few of the other men on the ground start laughing.She gathers in the room.

FEMALE AGENTOh, I dress like a boy... You hear that Christian?

The Male Agent (AGENT CHRISTIAN) feigns a smile.

AGENT CHRISTIAN(through teeth)

Agent Andry, we talked about this.AGENT ANDRY (FEMALE AGENT)

No, no. It's OK.(pause)


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You know what? I do dress like a boy. Maybe... Maybe I

should start dressing more like a girl. You think? The kneeling Brave Man approves.

AGENT ANDRYHere...

She takes off her jacket.AGENT ANDRY

...I'll take off my jacket, show off my chest a little

more...Thrusts chest.

AGENT ANDRY...Maybe I'll even let my hair down.

Takes out her ponytail and whips her hair into the Brave Man's face. AGENT ANDRY

Yeah? You like that?BRAVE MAN

(spitting out hair)Not really.

AGENT ANDRYMaybe I should take this off too.She rips off her belt and throws it around a ceiling pipe and

latches a notch.She positions her left hand behind the Brave Man's head.

AGENT ANDRYHow about that? Do I...

(sensual)take your breathe away?

BRAVE MANNo. Not even a little-

SMASH!Agent Andry drives her knee into the Brave Man's throat. THUMP.He struggles on the ground for oxygen.Agent Christian rolls his eyes and sighs.She brings the Brave Man back to his knees.

AGENT ANDRYWell?

BRAVE MAN(struggling for air)

Go to hell you worthless bitch!She crosses behind the Brave Man, using her hair pony to tie his

hands and feet together.AGENT ANDRY

(as she ties)Worthless b... That's not what I was going for. I think I

know what will do the trick.She steps face to face with him again, and throws his head through

the noose she created with her belt.He fights for air.

AGENT ANDRYExcuse me? What?

She flicks his face a few times.


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AGENT CHRISTIANAgent Andry! That will be enough.

She locks eyes with Agent Christian, pulls out a knife. AGENT ANDRY

OK, dad.WOOSH.The Brave Man plummets to his face, battling for each breath.

AGENT ANDRY

Well would you look at that, I finally left you

speechless.Agent Christian looks at the Brave Man.

AGENT CHRISTIANReally? You don't think that was just a little bit much?

AGENT ANDRYComing from the man who just used a mini-bomb to open up

the door.AGENT CHRISTIAN

(smirks)I always got something explosive up my sleeve.

She shakes her head.Agent Christian looks over at the other men. One of them is lookingback at him, GROUND MAN, and nods his head signaling to go outside.Agent Christian marches over to the Ground Man.

AGENT CHRISTIAN(to Agent Andry)

You OK watching all these guys for a little bit? I wanna

take this one outside for a few questions.AGENT ANDRY

Be my guest.Agent Christian lifts Ground Man up by the collar.

AGENT CHRISTIANWhat's your name?

GROUND MANAntonio. Sir.

AGENT CHRISTIANYour coming with me Antonio.

They exit through the broken entrance.Miss Andry looks at the rest of the men in the room.The Brave Man has transformed into the Terrified Man. She loves it.

AGENT ANDRYHey! Any of you got anything to eat?

No response.AGENT ANDRY

I'm not stupid. I know what hot dogs smell like.She kicks the Terrified Man.

AGENT ANDRYYou. Yeah, you. Got any gummy bears or something in those

big pockets?Still no response.

AGENT ANDRYI swear to god, if I find even a single-

BAM! BAM! BAM! Gunshots ring from outside.Agent Andry runs towards the noise.


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AGENT ANDRYChristian?!

She finds him outside on the ground, cupping his right eye socket.

Antonio is no where to be seen. The gun close by.AGENT CHRISTIAN

(groans)...He...He-AGENT ANDRY

Have you been shot?

AGENT CHRISTIANNo. Slugged me in the eye.

She moves his hand and looks at his face.SMASH. The sound of glass breaking inside.

AGENT ANDRYSon of a bitch!

She runs back into the living room.A man stands by the door, frozen in fear.WHAM! Her chest kick catapults him into the television. Lights out. Another man, too large to sprint, is almost out the other door on

the opposite side of the room.She accelerates, grabs him by the back of the shoulders and steershis head into the wall.

THUMP! He's done.AGENT ANDRY

AHHH!Christian enters the living room.

AGENT ANDRYI'm going after them.

AGENT CHRISTIANNo! We have more than we need. We have these two right?

AGENT ANDRYThree.

She looks at the Terrified Man, who is true to his name.AGENT ANDRY

(sighs)Help me get them into the van.

EXT. INSIDE FBI STAKEOUT VAN - LATERAgent Andry scratches her head with one hand while the other is on

the steering wheel. Christian riding shotgun.AGENT ANDRY

(breaking silence)Seven years. You've been nothing less than perfect for

seven years. This is the second time you've screwed up

this month.AGENT CHRISTIAN

I already told you, I don't know what happened, OK? Ijust... I screwed up.

Christian's phone vibrates. He takes it out of his pocket and reads

the message.AGENT CHRISTIAN

We'll get everything we need from these idiots anyways.She looks at her partner suspiciously.

AGENT CHRISTIAN(looking at phone)


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Hmm... Alright.Agent Christian puts his phone away.

AGENT ANDRYWhat? Change of plans?

AGENT CHRISTIANNo.

AGENT ANDRY

(waiting for more)Okay?

AGENT CHRISTIANThat was the boss. You know that kid I was showing the

ropes to a while back?AGENT ANDRY

Not really but go on.AGENT CHRISTIAN

I guess the CIA picked him up. Says he has been there for

a month now.(laughs to himself)

Man, those guys are desperate.She pulls the van into a parking spot next to a tall building.AGENT ANDRY

You didn't like him?AGENT CHRISTIAN

He had one big moment in his life that was just... being

in the right place at the right time. He's average.She puts the car in park.EXT. OUTSIDE VANThey exit the van and open up the back doors where the three men

lay.Agent Andry touches around her waist a couple times.

AGENT ANDRYDamnit.

AGENT CHRISTIANJust had to do it, didn't you?

She pulls up her loose pants.END OF TEASER.

FADE IN:EXT. BIG CITY - CROSS WALK - 8:52 AMA faint tune is heard as we see a spritely, mulatto, twenty-

something year old (M.C BUCKLES) speed walking with a smorgasbord of

twenty or so caffeinated drinks. Cut to close up and we see he is

above average height. Actually, if you add the extra inch from the

tippy-top of his fresh faux hawk, and don't forget the one inch sole

on the bottom of his worn basketball sneakers, he now measures out

at 5 feet, 11.5 inches. So he is basically six feet, as he would

respond the question. Veiny, muscular forearms peer out fromunderneath his 3/4 sleeve zip-up as he manages to hold the box of

drinks and his phone somehow. Each pocket of his cargo shorts, which

look like a piece of paper that was taken out of the garbage and

unfolded, serves a purpose: baby carrots, candy poking out of one,

energy shots in the other.M.C

(spirited song)


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Oh, There's no mountain you can't climb. / No, you're

gonna to make it in time...M.C shifts his eyes to his phone. It's 8:53 AM. A text reads: WHERE

ARE YOU? His song intensifies with his quickened pace. M.C

...Oh, no-no-no, you're not going to cry. / You're gonna

make it. / Who am I kidding? / You're not gonna make it. /You're not gonna-M.C pauses at a crosswalk where other strangers stand, waiting for

the little white man to appear and give them the go. He continues

humming, just a tiny bit.A woman stands beside M.C, eyes locked on the box of drinks in his

arms. He looks over at her, visibly bothered by her curiosity. She brings her eyes to his. He fakes a smile.

WOMANThat's a lot of coffee.

M.C(smarmy)

I'm just really tired.The woman laughs to herself and looks forward. M.C looks at her for a second longer, with eye brows raised and afake smile, tilting his head to the side. Okay, back to normal. He

looks forward after he gets that out of his system.An elderly, white haired woman (BABS) is settled two steps ahead of

where he halts. Black, inch thick glasses that impede any angle of

the sun's evil rays opening fire on her fragile eyes.M.C's phone vibrates from his right hand. He peaks down: NEED

COFFEES NOW. GET GROCERIES LATER.Arms spent, he sets down the coffee and looks at his phone.

M.C(press button on side)

You know what? Silence. No more ringing for you... There

we go.At this very moment, the pretentious orange hand leaves and the

little white man appears. As Babs progresses on her journey,

crossing the street at sloth's pace, her replaced right hip sends

her into an angled trajectory. After three steps it's clear: she is

veering straight into traffic!M.C squints up from his phone to see this. A moment of realization.He leaps towards Babs and puts a hand on each of her shoulders,

attempting to straighten her course.M.C

Ohp. Here we go.BABS

(startled)Oh! Please don't hurt me.

Frantic, Babs accidentally knocks her thick sunglasses onto the

ground.M.C

I'm not... I won't-His hands release from her shoulders, quickly picking up the

glasses, and continues to hover over her like a spiritual

supervisor.M.C


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I won't touch you, I'll just guide you like an angel.(pause)

But not like you're going to heaven though. I'm sure

you're very... fertile...They finish crossing. Babs treks on without acknowledgement. M.C takes a sigh.

M.C

(pause)Ungrateful old...

His eyes look down at his callused hands. He shoots a look across

from where he came.M.C

Great.We see from a wide shot M.C is running back across the street.

BABS (V.O.)Woopsies.

EXT. COFFEE SHOP - COFFEE IN AMERICA - 9:11AMAfter a struggle, M.C positions the door in a way he can maneuver it

open with his foot.INT. COFFEE SHOP - COFFEE IN AMERICA - 9:12AMThe Coffee Shop - C.offee I.n A.merica, seats eight people semi-comfortably. A few modest chairs and tables, more spit-shine clean

than soap and water clean, are in front of a big windowsill. One

aged customer, a regular, crotches a little something in the corner.M.C passes by ETHAN(late teens),6'6, lanky, young looking for his

age. The barista with a genuine smile and self-laminated named tag

looks up to M.C, while having to look down at him.ETHAN

(heavy braces accent)M.C, you're late!

M.CI know. They only had one barista working again.

Wide shot of Ethan working the counter by himself, shaking his head. ETHAN

When are they going to learn?(pause)

Why don't you just buy them up here?Above Ethan, scribbled in chalk are three options: Small - $2.00,

Tall - $4.00, Treats - $3.50.M.C, never one to hurt someone's feelings, covers his human tracks

with elephant foot prints.M.C

Well... I think it would look suspicious if I just came up

here for twenty coffees and went straight back downstairs.Ethan rapidly nods in confused but apologetic agreement.

M.CAye, Mupp-ay. Good looking... coaster?

MUPPAY (60s) thrusts his masterpiece into the air like the Wimbledon

Trophy, with the heart-warming grin of a five-year-old who just won

Top Banana.MUPPAY

It's fire-proof too!


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M.C deploys his automatic nod response while he searches for

something to say. He slowly backpedals, until he is less than a foot

from the elevator.M.C

Looking good.M.C pivots towards two worn, swinging doors. He pushes through them

to reveal an astonishing, silver elevator. A 1x1 black interactivedevice sits just above his head and a little to the right. Above it

reads: RETINA SCANNER.For a few moments M.C struggles between trying to get his eyes to

scanner level and balancing the hot drinks still in hand. A robotic

voice, SSIMBA (SIM-BUH), enhances his frustration. Super Smart

Interactive Machine Beta Analyser.SSIMBA

ACCESS DENIED.ACCESS DENIED.

M.C steps back out of the swinging doors and sets the drinks on the

counter. He goes back to the elevator, now on his tip toes, feeling

like a small boy trying to peer through the window of his favorite

candy shop, he lines up his eye's with SSIMBA's device. The scanningtakes extra long.

SSIMBAACCESS DENIED.

M.CSeriously, SSIMBA? That's how it's going to be? OK. OK.

M.C turns his back to the elevator and takes a step away. Then a

quick 180 degree turn and run to SSIMBA, trying to catch it by

surprise.SSIMBA

ACCESS DENIED.M.C

Ugh! Ethan, door.M.C emerges from the swinging doors and scoops up the smorgasbord ofcaffeine, signaling with head for Ethan to open the door.

ETHAN(holding door)

Here you go Mr. B.INT. COFFE SHOP STAIRCASE

ETHANGood luck.

Ethan winks before he closes the door.Hands full, M.C carefully measures out each step. After a few

cautious steps, we see two horizontal red lines, one six inches off

the ground and the other a foot from the ground, beaming across the

bottom of the stairway.M.C

(to himself)Trip wires. In the stare case. Really?

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - 9:30 AMM.C has just completed getting through the door, using the same

awkward foot technique from before.INT. CIA HQ MAIN HALLWAYWe see a close up of the various drinks: coffee spills and other

drink stains over almost every cup.


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He proceeds through the vast hallway corridors, every few steps

reveals a new door. Some are sizable, see-through glass doors and

others are black and opaque. The first glass door on his left reads:

AGENCY SEDUCTION 101.As M.C peers through the window, AGENT JAMISON(mid 30s), known

around the office for his stainless, pearl teeth and flawless dark

brown hair, rappels down from a long black rope in a tuxedo. Hisfeet meet the ground with a soft kiss, next to AGENT RACHEL (mid

30s) a feisty brunette. Jamison slowly cups his hand below her ear,

his thumb on her ear lobe in a long, drawn out moment.M.C

(opening door)Hey Jamison! Hey Rachel! Looking great!

Jamison's eyes float to the ceiling as Rachel's gaze meets M.C's

with a fury.JAMISON

(hair flip)Just leave the coffees at the door.

M.COkie dokie!M.C sets down the box of drinks, takes out a large vanilla bean

frappucino with "JAMISON" written on the side. After that he sets

down an iced tea with a big "R" on the front, picks up the box and

leaves.He passes by two big black doors on his way, CAR CHASE SIMULATOR and

AA, setting down a few drinks at each. We hear tires squealing and

people sobbing as he passes.M.C passes by a few more such as WEIGHT ROOM, EXPLOSIVES, SUPPLY

ROOM, etc.He proceeds to take a left around the corner and stops at the

receptionist desk.INT. CIA HQ RECEPTION DESKHe is greeted by a seated TINA (mid 20s) the receptionist, a masterat lacing her fake enthusiasm pigs in warm, passive aggressive

blankets. Yum! Her words spew out quicker than most. TINA

Mick. There you are!M.C

(to himself)M.C.

TINAMhm. Must have been some traffic, huh?

M.CYeah there was only one barista for all these drinks, so

it takes-TINA

I'm sure it does, there are somany. I'm just glad you got

them all... hopefully.M.C

Is there a reason I can't just get it from upstairs,

or...?Tina looks directly at M.C, either searching for her words or trying

to decode his hidden message.TINA


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Right? Well, good thing it's only a few blocks away. Do

you have the receipt?M.C

Yup, gimme one sec.Tina raises from her seat, searching through the coffees.After some digging, he realizes he doesn't have the receipt.

TINA

Will you circle the date for me?M.C fakes a smile.

M.CI seemed to have misplaced the receipt.

Tina takes a moment to register what he has said. She looks at his

hands.TINA

Okay. Well... just go get the receipts and bring them back

here as soon as you can.Tina stands up to look inside the box containing the rest of the

caffeinated beverages.

M.COh. Before I forget, today I actually had to use my own

money so if i could just get that-TINA

Oh no!... I don't see any straws or sugar packets.M.C

(pause)Yeah, I was running late so I figured I would just grab

some from upstairs.TINA

(some coffee in arms)It's fine. I'm sure I will eventually find some in the

break room, maybe.Tina exits with coffees to hand out.Beat. M.C all alone.

M.CI'll just come back later... With the receipt.

M.C heads to the multi-purpose area. He comes to a screeching halt.

We see his eyes light up.M.C

No way.INT. CIA HQ WOLFE'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATERWOLFE(mid 20s) 6'2, white, lean and a tad awkward looking, as he has

the body type of a swimmer. His punched up shoulders slope inwards

as if about to cave as they support his red and yellow striped polo.

His unshowered hair has a mind of it's own, except for the thatch on

the front-right where he always runs his fingers through, which

always sticks straight out. He may have somewhat of an underbite, or

maybe he is always thinking. His delivery is more leisured, as he

always carefully chooses his words.Wolfe slouches at his desk, which is covered with three empty

seltzer waters and a junk food wrapper. The laptop directly in front

of him has a several webpages open, mostly with various names and


11/65

faces, and a local gym's complaint page, with an interactive instant

message box up, displaying the never ending list of his complaints. WOLFE

(into phone)Hi... I'd like to file a complaint.

(pause)Yes... Yes, you see I was told I was a member worldwide... yes.

(pause)THUMP. Wolfe looks at his open door.

WOLFERight... While I was out of the country, I was turned away

like... like some-(pause)

THUMP. THUMP. Wolfe gets to his feet.WOLFE

(distracted)I was under the impression...

Wolfe's voice trails off. He sets the phone down and walks towards

the open door.INT. CIA HQ MULTI-PURPOSE AREA - OUTSIDE WOLFE'S DOORWAYWe see a shot of Wolfe from a far, his hand on the door knob though

the shot cuts off before we see any of the door itself. The multi-

purpose room is deserted, with distant signs of life echoing from a

far.M.C cements his back to the side of the wall, inches from the door

way. With his imaginary hand gun tucked into his chest, he takes a

deep breathe, nods, and bursts through the doorway.INT. CIA HQ WOLFE'S OFFICEAs Wolfe closes the door and walks back to his computer, we see M.C

with his back, the bottoms of his feet, and his left hand stuck to

Wolfe's door.M.C stares at him in a giddy astonishment.He takes a deep breathe.

M.CHands in the air! Quit harassing...

Wolfe jumps back and whips around. M.C can't unstick from the door. M.C

(tugging hand, feet)Quit harassing that sweet, old woman... for herpes...

medica- son of a bee sting, I can't get down.(pause)

She never loved you!WOLFE

(covers phone with hand)Nice one dude. Nailed it.

Whenever Wolfe says "nailed it", the "N" always seems to get an

extra second of attention.M.C

Right?WOLFE

(hand over phone)Uhhmm yes... so I'll take a seltzer water and uh... or

maybe a cream soda? You know, whenever you're free.


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M.C(pulling left hand with his right)

Oh stop, I'm not your-M.C scans his desk. At this moment he gets his left hand unstuck,

immediately falling face first onto the ground, feet still stuck to

the door.M.C

It's like... not even 11AM.

WOLFE(hand is off phone)

Oh, okay...tough guy now? Big dog stepping up to the

plate?PHONE OPERATOR

Sir, I didn't mean to offend you. I can give you a refund

if that'd be okay?M.C

A little help?Wolfe gives M.C the "one second" hand signal.

WOLFE(phone to ear)No, not okay dude. I want my price... cut in half.(pause)

Yep... And my boy, he wants half off too.(thumbs up to M.C)

Okay great, hang on one second.Wolfe walks towards M.C and they interlock hands. Wolfe tries to

yank M.C off of his door like a decrepit piece of gum.WOLFE

(excruciating)Why... did you think...this was... a good... idea?

M.CYou're breaking... my pelvis!

At this moment, a 6'3 towering combination of muscle and hair gelrips open the door.Wolfe and M.C go flying backwards, toppling into a few spare

cardboard pizza boxes.TANNER FOX (late 20s) is livid with Wolfe as he sweats in his

sleeveless, V-neck t-shirt. Two features that were not originally

part of the shirt's design.TANNER

Let me touch you're eyes! Now!Wolfe is on his feet, walking to his desk. M.C remains standing in

the corner.Whenever Wolfe doesn't understand the reason behind something, he

always accompanies his "excuse me?" or "what?" with a hard squint

like his thick brows have had enough and are trying to crush hisbrown eyes in an uprising.

WOLFE(french)

Escoozie?TANNER

Don't S.S. Cooz-ee me... Where is my hand cream? I've been

killing monkey bars and rope swing all day and now I'm


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supposed to get my bi-weekly body massage from Roberta and

my eyes are killing me...(escalating)

...I can't find my special contact solution!WOLFE

Monkey bars? Rope swing? Sounds like you're training for

pretty tough stuff. Ever consider trying the olympics?

TANNERYeah, the special olympics.

Beat.TANNER

If you were... doing... them. Idiot.(pause)

Where is my solution? If I don't take these colored

contacts out soon my cornea's could be burn off.M.C

You wear colored contacts?TANNER

Duh. "Blue makes the babes wanna bone". Ever heard of it?Tanner stares a hole through Wolfe, who responds with a quizzicallook and shoulder shrug.

TANNERSeriously? Ugh, fine.

He searches the room one last time. It's not there.TANNER

Losers.He storms out. M.C walks to the middle of the doorway, suction

noises are heard from his feet.M.C

Awesome three man rescue last week by the way!Tanner stops almost ten feet away from M.C and whips his head back

around.TANNER

Who the hell are you and why do you think it's okay to

talk to me?M.C

(pause)I'm... I'm M.C... M.C Buckles.

TANNERWell Mr. Butt cheeks, I saw you're secret agent door

entrance. It sucked... If you were sneaking up on me,

you'd be shot in the face like seven times by now and

probably be dead.Tanner exits. M.C turns facing Wolfe.

WOLFE(back on phone)

I thought you nailed it, bro.M.C laughs to himself and turns to leave.

WOLFE(calls to M.C)

Seltzer?He pulls out the contact solution.

WOLFE(to himself)


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Dirt? Mmm no, too distinguishable.(looking around the room)

Maybe vinegar?A few seconds pass as M.C has begun to exit.

M.C (O.S.)(distant)

Fine. One seltzer coming up.

The phone is still on Wolfe's ear, with his hand covering the mouth

piece.WOLFE

(shouting)And some vodka!

(uncovers mouth piece)This is gonna be awesome.

PHONE OPERATORI'm glad to be of service.

WOLFEWait, what?... Oh, really? Hell yes.

(pause)Yes, my brother will be thrilled.(pause)Time to do a what now?

Wolfe looks down at his desk. A large packet of papers stapled

together is marked "URGENT".WOLFE

Well, I am a little busy... Say what now? For free?...

Well of course, I would love to do a survey for you.INT. CIA HQ MULTI-PURPOSE AREA - CONTINUOUSM.C sneaks through a big area, headed toward the fridge. He hums a

secret agent song he has created, "Dum, dum, dum-dum, dum- (a moment

of silence to look around the corner)dum, dum-dum-dum. The camera

pans up to a large 10 feet wide, mirrored glass. We see on the other

side...INT. CIA HQ PORTER'S OFFICE...Two men in the room: TERRANCE PORTER (50s), strong jaw line, he's

thick but not fat, and has the stance of a military officer while he

scans outside the large window. Also in the room is HAROLD

PIGILESIAS (pronounced PEE-LAY-SEE-US)(50s), round and blubbery,

sits drinking a warm glass of milk.PORTER

(laughs to himself)What an egotistical position.

PIGILESIASWhat? You don't like it?

PORTERThe Creator? You don't think your heads just...

(using thumb and index finger)...a little too far up your ass?

PIGILESIAS(milk mustache)

Ha-ha! The title is half the fun Terry... Don't you want

to be something more than just, "Terrance Porter, Co-

Director?"... And I'll have you know that I did my

research.


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PORTERYou thought of it while we were watching the Matrix! For

the last three days all you kept saying was "How cool was

The Architect?", "Why can't my name be something more like

The Architect?"PIGILESIAS

Oh, please.

Pigilesias sets down his milk and picks up the music remote. The

intro to DMX "X Gon' Give It To Ya" starts up with horns blaring.PORTER

Turn that down, I'm trying to think!PIGILESIAS

About what?Pigilesias turns down the music, thought we can still vaguely hear

the beat.PORTER

The numbers, what else would it be?Porter starts towards the wall, which has a projection on it.

"CRIMES SOLVED" stands at the top of the visual and two, vertical

bars extend from the bottom. The left bar is FBI and the other isCIA. DIA has solved 534 crimes and CIA has solved only 377.

PIGILESIASNumbers, bumbers, lumbers. Blah, blah, blah.

(then)We already talked about it. What more is there to think

about?Porter uses a remote to flip the projector screen to look at

profiles of different agents.PORTER

What about Johnson? Why can't we use him again? He never

remembers a damn thing.PIGILESIAS

True. He isn't the brightest agent... Actually he isn'teven close... But his average time spent on a mission that

involves seduction is eight minutes flat.(pause)

Ever since we started bugging him we can just... pay

attention for him. He has actually gotten better at

flirting too, since he doesn't get those painful

concentration headaches now.Porter flips to the next slide.

PORTERWhat about C.J.? He is a bit of a lose cannon. Maybe

something like this would put him in his place... I mean,

he is the most deserving, what with all the compromises

we've made for him.PIGILESIAS

Cesar Jesus? (HAY-SOOS) No, no, no. He may kill just about

every person he has met on a case, but he also has killed

every person we need dead. And he really, really enjoys

it... He's one I'd rather not piss off.Porter flips the slide again.

PORTERAnd the twins? All they do is meaningless paper work?


16/65

PIGILESIASWho? Rainy and Cloudy?

(pause)Yeah, I really think we should put them in harms way...

Both men try not to crack a smile from this statement. They can't

resist, and their gated lips explode with a flood of laughter. A few seconds and they settle back down.

Pigilesias gets up- no. He rocks and rises...nope. He musters up all

his strength a third time, barely getting to bent knee position, and

clutches the chair for the rest. He picks up his milk and joins

Porter, overlooking the large multi-purpose area.PORTER (O.S.)

You really think these men will go for something so...

stupid?A wide shot of the entire multi-purpose room displays both M.C and

Wolfe.We see to M.C, who is towards the bottom-right corner of the screen

washing an all-black Lamborghini, with the nozzle of the hose he

first sings into it like a microphone but soon it is positioned in

front of his crotch. He is dancing, singing, and all-around enjoyinghimself as well.

M.C(yelling to Wolfe)

Look, I'm R.Kelly!PORTER

I thought the new guy was supposed to be something

special?We shift focus to Wolfe. He sits towards the top-left of the screen,

on a bench with paper towels laid out in front of him. On the paper

towel is a bottle of Tanner's eye solution, which Wolfe is filling

with a bottle of vodka. Wolfe is laughing uncontrollably as he mixes

this concoction.PIGILESIAS

Yeah, we said the same thing about Wolfe.Porter takes a moment to drink it all in.

PORTEROK.

Without looking back, Pigilesias aims the music remote behind him

and clicks the song back on.Both men embrace the song. "X gon' give it to ya, he gon' give it to

ya. X gon' give it to ya..."INT. CIA HQ MULTI-PURPOSE AREA - LATERWolfe sits at the same bench, with M.C and two spy twins, RAINY (28)

and CLOUDY (28), standing close by. We can see why Porter and

Pigilesias want to keep them around, as their outfits leave little

to the imagination. (Note to reader: I hope to see a distinctdifference in women's outfits between the different agencies, I'm

not a sleazy person.)

WOLFESo then, Tanner will be like "Oh no...

(fake squirting into eyes)


17/65

...what's going on with my eyes." Right? Like, like... "it

burns!" Get it?RAINY

(shocked)But... that's his favorite bottle of solution. Why would

you do that?(chokes up)

He is going to be so sad.

Rainy buries her heard into the comforting arm of Cloudy as they

walk away.CLOUDY

Don't worry Rainy, boys are just weird.They exit. M.C looks at Wolfe and shakes his head definitively.

M.CNo we're not.

M.C starts picking up the paper towel.M.C

I thought you nailed it bro.M.C uses the extra attention on the "N", but Wolfe doesn't seem to

notice. WOLFERight?

The phone rings from inside Wolfe's office.WOLFE

(playing with bottle)Not here.

The phone rings again.WOLFE

I'm not here!M.C sighs, walks into the room and answers the phone.

M.CHello? Oh, hey Tina. Yeah, it's M.C...

(pause)M.C glares at Wolfe. Wolfe misses the hint, as he acts out more of

Tanner's possible reactions.M.C

...No, it is Wolfe's phone I just-(pause)

No. No, not yet. I'll go get it as soon as I get a sec- (pause)

Right. Pretty busy. Okay. And the bathrooms? I just did

those-(pause)

Wait, what?(long pause)

Okay. Alright thanks. No, I won't forget. Okay, bye. Yup,

bye. Bye.M.C steps out of Wolfe's office, flabbergasted.

WOLFE(looking at his bottle)

What'd she want now? More expense reports? Ughh, Tina I

don't have the expense reports done. Get over it already!


18/65

M.CNo, it was Mr. Porter... he wants us to... go into his

office.WOLFE

Why?M.C

I don't know... Didn't ask.

WOLFEWhen?

M.CRight now.

They look at each other nervously, but Wolfe's reaction soon becomes

curiosity.WOLFE

Well, shit... Let's go see what he wants.INT. CIA HQ OUTSIDE ELEVATOR - MOMENTS LATERWolfe looks directly into SSIMBA's retina scanner.

WOLFESSIMBA, let me in. Now.

M.CI can never get that thing to work.They enter the elevator.INT. CIA HQ INSIDE ELEVATORM.C shivers. Wolfe cracks his neck.

SSIMBAWelcome Mr. Wolfe. Chipper as always.

WOLFEDon't even bother with that attitude SSIMBA... Don't

even bother.Wolfe pushes a button. The elevator goes up.

SSIMBAWelcome Mr. Buckles.

Startled, M.C jolts into a balled fist stance. WOLFE

Relax, bro.He relaxes.

M.CWhat do you think he's calling us in for?

WOLFE(slapping side elevator)

Probably just wants me to take apart old SSIMBA here. Says

she's been slowin' down a bit. Ain't that right old girl?SSIMBA

I am faster and smarter than you will ever be.WOLFE

Heh. Yeah right. What kind of name is SSIMBA anyway?SSIMBA

What kind of name is Wolfe?M.C

Oooh, get 'em.WOLFE

Psh...(turns to M.C)

Hey, watch this.


19/65

(looks up)Tell me a joke SSIMBA.

SSIMBA(pause)

What do you call a wolf who has lost his way?A beat passes and the elevator stops.

SSIMBA

A where-wolf.The door opens with a ding.

SSIMBAHa-ha. Ha-ha.

M.C loves it. Wolfe even lets out a smirk as they walk out.M.C

Oh my gosh SSIMBA, you and my dad would get along so well.The doors close and the mood gets a little more tense. They start a

long, slow trek towards the end door at the end of the hall.M.C

Are we... Are we getting fired?WOLFE

No. M.C(hysterical to himself)

I can't lose my job. I don't even know how to get a job. I

don't even know how I got this job.WOLFE

We're fine. Don't you work for like, less than nothing? M.C

(still to himself)Well, we're still working out the kinks, but

technically... I'm an intern.(pause)

Was it the coffee? I keep telling them if they just called

the orders in advance I could save so much time.WOLFE

M. Seriously, stop. Deep breathe.M.C gulps down a fresh chunk of air.The door opens automatically. Porter and Pigilesias stand in the

center of a vast, extravagant room, maybe twenty feet away. Menacing

snarls across both their faces, they are almost unrecognizable from

before... Though Pigilesias still holds that god damn cup of milk in

his hand.PORTER

(nods his head up)Men. Glad you could join us. Please come in.

A Beat. M.C holds his breathe.M.C dramatically exhales as the reluctantly step through thedoorway, the doors making a large thud behind them. INT. CIA HQ MR. PORTER'S OFFICE

WOLFET.P...

(pivots head)...Piggy-licious, pleasure to be here.

PIGILESIASFor the last time it's PEE-LAY-SEE-US!


20/65

(regroups)But you can just call me The Creator.

Wolfe gives him a look like "come on, seriously?".M.C lunges forward and takes a turn convulsing each of their hands.

M.CIt is an honor to be here. Before we start, I would love

to lead the singing of our oath to the agency.

PORTEROath? We don't have an oath.

M.CI actually took the liberty of making one sir.

M.C's body becomes perfectly straight and his hands fold behind his

back as he jumps right into song.M.C

(clears throat - sing)Oh My Fair Ay-gency/ How I Will Stand For Thee/

(switching to baritone)Tears I Have Shed For You/ Blood I Shall Bleed-

PORTEROkay, enough!(pause)Um, thank you for that Mr. Buckles, but we... we have much

more serious matters to discuss.We see Wolfe deliberately mouthing "The CREE-AY-TOR" over and over

again as he examines the decorative room, avoiding Pigilesias'

irritated beam.PORTER

(point to chairs)Alright men. Please have a seat.

There are four black, worn leather chairs crowded around an aged

projector box that all spend their day staring at the wall. M.C and

Wolfe proceed to getting comfortable. Porter and Pigilesias stand by

each other, out of their view.Porter lifts the remote to turn on the projector. Music plays

Usher's "I wanna make love in this club."Pigilesias spits out his milk. Porter fumbles with the remote. "In

this club. In this-" Porter finally turns off the music. PORTER

Uhh, SSIMBA must be acting up again.Wolfe turns his head and gives a look to M.C that says "right", not

believing a word Porter says. M.C is still lip-syncing the song. Porter picks up a new remote. The projector starts up with a black

screen and then reads "CONFIDENTIAL".PORTER

Here we are men. Alright. Wait. Lights!The lights go out. Porter starts flipping through the projector.

PORTERGood. Now men, it has come to our attention that over the

past few months you two have been hard at work...Wolfe shoots a questioning glance at M.C, who is relieved to hear

this news.PORTER (O.S.)

...doing everything we ask. Men...


21/65

Wolfe already has four fingers out and is lifts his pinky. He has

counted Porter say the word "men" five times now.PORTER

Do you think we have been fair to you?WOLFE

(instantly)Not at all. I hate it here. After like one day you stuckme at a computer and said look up this shit for me. "Sit

in this corner all alone and put in this data." I haven't

gotten to do one cool thing yet.PIGILESIAS

On the first day we told you to go get the office some

groceries. Instead, you hit someone with a company

vehicle!WOLFE

I told you it wasn't my fault. He wasn't in the crosswalk!PIGILESIAS

Maybe afteryou hit him!Porter clicks on a slide-show.SILENCE fills the room for a few moments.PORTER

Well, it has been a year. And we think you have done

some... maturing.(pivots)

And what about you M.C? Have we been treating you fairly?M.C

Well, I haven't been interning here very long... Last

week, for my one month anniversary you let me throw a

grenade. That was cool! Even though it didn't really work. PIGILESIAS

(whisper to Porter)Oh yeah, ha. We painted a potato grey... and told him it

was a live grenade. Haha... When it splattered on theground...

(almost crying)...we said it must have been a dud.

Porter puts a hand to his mouth. After a moment, he lets out a sigh

and clicks to the next slide.PORTER (O.S.)

Well men, the data has never been more up-to-date and on

point. The amount of time we spend on solving crimes has

been cut in half.M.C gives Wolfe a congratulatory elbow nudge.

PORTERThe hot coffee, the washed vehicles, and the clean

bathrooms have all been top-notch.(beat)

Men, we've decided to give you two a... mission.M.C smiles and does a small dance. Wolfe looks questioning, with the

pointer finger now raised for six or seven times Porter has said

"men".MS of projector screen. M.C's profile pops up.

PORTER (O.S.)


22/65

M.C, you have performed fairly... below average on our

tests. To be honest, I think you still need to figure out

how to put all your talent together. But Mr. Pigilesias

said this my be a perfect opportunity to prove you have

what it takes.Porter's monologue continues in the background.Wolfe looks up at the top of the page. It reads "MARIAH CAREYBUCKLES".Wolfe leans in towards M.C.

WOLFEWait, your name is Mariah Carey?

M.C(sighs)

Yeah. It was before she blew up though. I was born in '89

and my mom was a local fan of Mariah's. Ma thought she'd

just be an underground hit, but then she had to go have a

Vision of Love.CU of projector screen and Porter's voice kicks back in.

PORTER (O.S.)Which brings us to Wolfe.The projector slide clicks over and we say a picture of Wolfe

looking higher than a kite. Above his head reads "JAMES SUTHERLAND

BOND".Porter's monologue continues in the background.M.C squints at the screen.

M.CWait. Bond? As in

(Bond impression)Bond, James Bond. You're his son?

WOLFEOne of many I'm sure. I go by Jamie Milovy. Porter just

loves to bring it up whenever possible. He loves to say

I'm not "living up to my potential."M.C

But you... I mean...PORTER

Men. I'm terribly sorry. Am I interrupting something?M.C freezes in fear. Wolfe laughs.

WOLFENo, sir. Us men are listening sir.

PORTERGood. That's what I like to hear.

CUT back to projector screen. It clicks throughout following speech.PORTER

Now men, we have a basic retrieval mission for you.Slide click.

PORTERWe have Raphinon Muchachi. A civilian, and friend of

Tanner's. Apparently, Tanner decided he wanted to show off

to his high school rival "Mooch."Slide click. High school photo.

PORTER


23/65

Muchachi and Tanner went to high school together. Tanner

said he wanted to rub it in Mooch's face that he was a spy

now and that Mooch had...Porter pauses and makes a disgusted face to himself and begins to

quote Tanner.PORTER

..."And Mooch had peaked in high school and the onlyreason they won the state title without him was because

Mooch was juicing... and was gay."Porter lets out a groan, his head throbbing from using Tanner's

logic. He looks over at Pigilesias, who appears to be sleeping. He

shakes his head and continues.PORTER

Anyway men, the point is, Tanner sent his buddy some

pictures of how cool he is now...Clicks slide: Tanner is standing over a group of people he has

knocked out. He looks super pumped.PORTER

...And ended up sending Mr.Muchachi somewhere between 10

and 20 top secret pictures in his phone. Quite simply, weneed them back.

Porter clicks the next slide.PORTER

We need you two to find him and bring his phone back to

us. We don't know what he has or hasn't done with the

pictures, and we need to make sure they don't get into the

wrong hands.Porter perks back up. He clicks to the last slide which reads, "THE

END. -porterhouse productions"PORTER

So, Tina will have the file on Muchachi for you downstairs

and will tell you what to do next. Lights!The lights shoot on, jolting Pigilesias who spills the last 1/4 ofhis milk on the carpet.M.C and Wolfe get up out of their seat and head for the door.

PORTERAnd men...

Wolfe tries to recount all the times Porter has said men.PORTER

Don't mess this up.WOLFE(to himself)Eight?

M.CYes sir!

The doors shut behind them. Porter turns around to Pigilesias, whois slowly coming back to life.

PORTERSeriously?

PIGILESIASWhat?

PORTERI had to do the whole presentation by myself.

PIGILESIAS


24/65

I told you, I'm The Creator, not The Explainer.(then)

It seemed like it went well... That last line gave me

goosebumps. You nailed it.PORTER

Right?A beat passes as Porter admires how menacing he can sound.

PORTER

Now clean that up. I don't want my carpet to get all...

soggy.PIGILESIAS

(dabbing the carpet)The important thing is, the plan is in place. Now where is

the remote?INT. CIA HQ INSIDE ELEVATORThe doors close. Wolfe seems deep in thought, biting his nails and

not saying much, while M.C cannot hold in his excitement anymore. M.C

Back down to one please. Thanks SSIMBA.(pivot to Wolfe)I can't believe it. We are finally getting our big break.

WOLFEYeah. For sure.

M.CWhat is with you man? Aren't you excited?

SSIMBAMaybe he needs to hear a joke.

M.COh, okay. Okay I got one. Hey SSIMBA.

SSIMBAYes?

M.CWhat do you say to a wolf that has a carrot in each ear?

SSIMBAWhat?

M.CAnything you want... It can't hear you, it's got carrots

in it's ears!M.C and SSIMBA laugh over this terrible joke. The doors open. Wolfe exits first.

WOLFEGood one, bro.

M.C(catching breathe)

Oh, man. Until next time SSIMBA.M.C exits.INT. CIA HQ RECEPTION DESKWolfe and M.C knock on top of Tina's desk as she is extremely

focused on her paper work.WOLFE

Knock knock. Hey Tina. Whoa, you're looking good today...

New hair cut? T.P. said you have some folders for us.TINA


25/65

Hey Wolfe! Yeah, it's nothing special, just a little trim

up... Hear, you get to go catch some bad guys. Pretty

awesome right?WOLFE

Yeah. I guess we'll finally see who's all talk around

here.M.C

Right... Are these the files?

M.C grabs two files clearly marked "WOLFE" and "M.C". He hands Wolfe

his folder.WOLFE

So, Tina, what does the winner get from you?TINA

Winner?WOLFE

Yeah like between he and I... You know what, never mind.TINA

Okay...Oh and Mick, be sure to-M.C

I know. I will.M.C encouragingly nods to her as they walk away.TINA

Wait, where are you guys going?Just at this moment SLAM, BRYAN FELIX(mid twenties), 5'8, bleach

blonde hair and thin, lean muscle, throws his hand down, knocking

the folder out of Wolfe's hands.SLAM.

WOLFEWhat the fu-?

Wolfe looks at Bryan, who never takes his eyes off of Wolfe as he

walks away. After a moment, he realizes he is nearing the wall, and

sticks his hand out to feel for it. He finds it.BRYAN

See you soon, buddy.Bryan exits.

M.CWho the hell was that?

WOLFE(picking up folder)

Some psycho.TINA

Boys!M.C and Wolfe look confused as they walk back to the reception desk.

TINAYou still have a few things to do. First, have either of

you driven a motorcycle before?WOLFE

I've handled a large hog a few times.Wolfe forms a circle with his hands next to his crotch. Looks like

he has got a hold of something big. He nods at M.C in admiration.M.C squints at it, as if he is having trouble seeing his "hog".Wolfe turns from joking to upset and smacks M.C's shoulder. This

quickly escalates into a tussle. Mostly just slapping.TINA


26/65

Great... Boys... Boys!They stop.

TINAJust make sure to get any stuff you need out of the

inventory before you go.INT. CIA HQ INVENTORY ROOMWe see M.C, Wolfe and a body guard standing in front of differentlibrary style rows of shelves, each labeled with different types of

inventory: SHOES, TOPS, BOTTOMS, ARMOR, TECH, ACCESSORIES, MISSION

SPECIFIC, etc. To the far left, a thick wooden door stands with a

sign reading "CAUTION" and a body guard to the side.They move towards SHOES first.

M.CYou're terrible.

Wolfe looks puzzled.WOLFE

Grab a bag.Wolfe grabs a side bag or a man purse, while M.C grabs a draw string

bag. Wolfe doesn't acknowledge M.C's question.M.CWith Tina.

(pause)Back there... The receptionist...

(pause)She the one-

WOLFEAhh ha... Yeah... I know, I know. I don't know why I do it

but sometimes it's just natural... I mean, it's a good way

to get info anyway.M.C

(stops at size 10.5)Shoes... Shoes... What the- Are these knock offs or

something?WOLFE

Not good enough for you? Need your FUBUs and your UGGs?M.C

(grabbing a pair)Ever heard of Nike, Adidas?

WOLFECan't have anything with labels on them. Can't have stuff

with specific tracks on it... Nothing that gets traced

back to us. Remember that.M.C

(moving to the tops)Okay... Okay.

(pause)So, you really... hit someone with your car?

No response.M.C

I mean... I've had a bad day but.(pause)

I mean, I know you're not crazy?M.C isn't even sure if he believes what he is saying.


27/65

Wolfe is still silent. He swings a leather jacket around his arms

and does a quick flex in it.WOLFE

I was trying to hit him.M.C puts a plain, black long sleeve shirt over his head. He looks at

Wolfe, then back down to his bag, trying to understand if Wolfe is

being serious.

M.CI see... So it was a really bad day.

Wolfe laughs out loud to this.WOLFE

Ha, no... No, he deserved it.M.C

Deserved it? Deserved to be hit by a car?Again, no response. Wolfe continues over to the bottoms. M.C

follows.M.C

(grabbing some shorts)Was it the guy who just hit the folder out of your hand?

WOLFEWho?... Oh, Bryan? No, I didn't hit Bryan... Though Ishould have.

(slides on pants)No, that piece of shit is my roommate.

M.C trades in the shorts he found for an extra baggy pair.M.C

Well... That sounds fun.Wolfe leads them to the tech section. They mostly just browse.

M.CSo why...

(clears throat)...why did you hit him?

Wolfe walks over to the armor section.WOLFE

(picking out vest)I didn't hit him. I wanted to hit him, but I didn't.

M.C pulls out the sticky gloves from before.M.C

No. Not your roommate. The other guy. J-walking guy. WOLFE

Oh... right.Wolfe checks his bag and looks towards the sign out, taking a few,

small steps in that direction.WOLFE

I guess...(pause)

Sometimes you just need to follow your gut. Trust yourself

and see what happens.M.C looks up, more confused then before he started asking questions.

WOLFEHe shot at me.

M.C pauses to register what he just heard.M.C

Seriously?


28/65

WOLFEYeah, man. These "missions"... This is the big leagues...

This. Is. Real. People really get shot.(pause)

You could really get shot.M.C

(visibly upset)

Oh...INT. CIA HQ MAIN HALLWAY - OUTSIDE SUPPLY ROOMM.C walks towards the bathrooms.

WOLFEWhere are you going?

M.COh, sorry, I'm going to the bathroom. I didn't know I had

to check in with you before I went.WOLFE

(pause)I'll be in my office.

INT. CIA HQ BATHROOMM.C presses his back against the bathroom door, his head tilted upand eyes closed. Deep breathe, deep breathe, deep breathe.He darts to the toilet. He hovers over it, hands bracing the back

wall. He's okay.He proceeds to the lavish sink, presses his eyes and splashes some

water on his face. The feeling comes back.M.C tackles the toilet, face inside the bowl. BLUHH. BLUHH. Water

pops like popcorn from a frying pan.He gasps for air. Presses his palms to his cheeks.

M.C(pause)

Shit.He sluggishly stands up and walks out of the bathroom.We stare at the toilet, messy, disturbed as we hear sounds ofshuffling.M.C walks back into the bathroom with a large, yellow mop bucket and

sets down a few other cleaning supplies.He mops a little bit. Oh no, the feelings back.INT. CIA HQ MAIN HALLWAY - OUTSIDE BATHROOMWe hear sounds of the vomit rip through M.C's throat and explode

against the toiler bowl water.INT. CIA HQ WOLFE'S OFFICEWolfe is parked in front of his desk with three windows splitting

screen time on his computer. Various facts are displayed about

Ralphinon Muchachi, apartments for sale in the area, and a pandora

station playing "live rock."M.C staggers through the door.

WOLFEWhat's up ghost?

M.C(still weak)

Hmm?WOLFE

You look pale as shit bro... you okay?M.C hands him a seltzer water.


29/65

WOLFE(cracking it open)

Nice.M.C twirls his index finger as if to say "get on with it."

WOLFEAlright dude, alright. Here he is... Ralphinon "Mooch"

Muchachi.

M.C walks up behind Wolfe.WOLFE

One arrest for a DUI. One public indecency as a

teenager... The guy seems pretty harmless.Wolfe gets up form his computer and starts to head out of the door.

WOLFESo, nothing to be worried about.

INT. CIA HQ MULTI-PURPOSE AREAWalk and talk back toward the doors M.C first came in.

M.CSo you got all the information from that file?

WOLFEYeah, I mean pretty much anyone can access the stuff I waslooking up on "Mooch". He's not really important. The

other file we got, Silly V, she's in the top say... top

500 or so. The top 500 criminals usually have all their

information blocked from the internet so no one,

especially themselves, can know what is going on with them

and how well they are being tracked.M.C

I suppose that makes sense. So you needed Silly V's folder

to find her.WOLFE

Exactly. If we get these folders we have access to all of

their information, or at least all of the information our

agency has on them.(pause)

I actually stole like 50 of them once when everyone was

out of the office.M.C

(shaking head)Of course you did.

WOLFEOkay, dude... It didn't hurt anyone.

(pause)I even saw your file.

M.CWhat'd it say?

WOLFEIt was pretty unbelievable... It said that you have

like... an absurd, sexually attraction to dilapidated

corpses.M.C

Aww man, you got me. I'm a necrophiliac.WOLFE

Yeah man... I mean, it's pretty disgusting but I'm... You

know it's pretty cool of me not too judge you.


30/65

M.CYeah you're a saint... So this Muchachi. Not a top

criminal? Not a guy we really have much track of then?WOLFE

Right...Wolfe and M.C pass by a few things on their way. Maybe the kitchen,

or a few cubicles. At this point they are passing the reception deskbut Tina is not there.INT. CIA HQ MAIN HALLWAY

WOLFE...But Porter did say "Mooch" was a friend of Tanner's.

M.CUnfortunately for him.

Wolfe stops outside the WEIGHT ROOM. Someone is working out in

there, out of focus.M.C

So, why not just ask Tanner where his buddy usually hangs

out?Wolfe smiles.The camera zooms in through the glass door towards Tanner, whosehead and neck are completely red and filled with bulging veins. He

is facing sideways to them, on a tricep dip machine with two large

chains wrapped around his torso.Wolfe opens the door.

TANNERTwenty-six. Twenty-seven. Twenty-aaaayyyyt. Ahhhh!

(drops from dip machine)WOLFE

Hey Tanner, your buddy "Mooch" stopped by.TANNER

What!? How come nobody told me?!WOLFE

He said he was sore from just getting doing like 50 dipsor something like that... I know, what a pussy right?

TANNERAhhh damnit!

WOLFEYou think he's at the gym right now?

TANNERUm, it's tricep Tuesday idiot, where else would he be?

Tanner jumps back up and starts up in a rage. Even more intense

screaming is heard as the door is closed.WOLFE

Let's hit the gym.Wolfe opens up the door to the stairway. To the left is the door to

the garage. He opens it.M.C

How come they only asked if one of us knew how to drive a

motorcycle?EXT. CITY STREET - A FEW MINUTES LATERAn angled, head on camera view of Wolfe leads him down the street as

he rides on a rusted down 1955 Vincent Black Knight motorcycle.

Wolfe is a little too big for the vehicle, just enough to make him

visibly uncomfortable with his knees digging into his stomach.


31/65

After a beat of Wolfe riding, the camera pans from the open side of

the Black Knight to the opposite side, Wolfe's right, revealing M.C

in a sidecar in the shape of a black torpedo with two smaller wheels

on each side. The sidecar shakes back and forth violently, clinging

on to the motorcycle for dear life.M.C's voice shakes with the movement.

M.C

This-is is-isn't what-ty-ty ad-in mind-uh.M.C's voice is hard to hear for Wolfe who is wearing a thick

motorcycle helmet, and frankly isn't paying much attention to what

M.C has to say.WOLFE

(yelling)I know. Suckers faster than it looks.

M.CYou-oo pro-bab-lee-look so-oo co-oo-ool. I'm jea-

WOLFEWhat? Yeah, this place does have a pool. A sauna too. You

ever crush a sauna? Hanging left! Heyo.Wolfe swerves in between two or three cars to get into the left turnlane. He cuts left hard to narrowly avoid oncoming traffic. M.C

braces himself for impact as he leaves his life in Wolfe's hands.

All near misses.WOLFE

I think this is it right here.Wolfe skillfully pops a wheelie getting onto the curb. M.C's sidecar

bounces hard on the impact of the curb, pushing his stomach into his

throat.Wolfe parks the car illegally three feet away from the gym door

entrance.EXT. GYM MAIN ENTRANCEWolfe hops off his bike.M.C raises his head a little and blinks rapidly ten times whileswallowing hard. He places his left hand on the bike to stabilize

himself as he wobbles to his feet.M.C

Are you sure we can sleep so close to the castle?Wolfe quickly grabs the side of M.C's neck with his left hand and

slaps him across the face with his right.WOLFE

Are you a bitch?M.C's mouth opens but the words cannot escape as his eyes open wide

like two full moons.WOLFE

Are. You. A. Bitch?M.C

(touching his lips)When did you learn how to speak?

Wolfe slaps his hand away.M.C

Mr. Muggles!Wolfe slaps M.C again, this time back to reality.

WOLFEAre you ready to make someone your bitch?


32/65

M.C(confidently)

Yes!Wolfe opens the glass door to the main entrance of the gym. They

enter.INT. GYM STAIRS TO MAIN ENTRANCE

WOLFE

That's what I thought.M.C

Where did you learn that?WOLFE

(sly smile)My sixth grade teacher Mrs. Grinsby.

M.CShe sounds lovely.

INT. GYM FIRST FLOOR MAIN LOBBYWolfe and M.C are approaching the receptionist desk and finishing an

unknown conversation.M.C

...So they would just let her do that to you guys? And noone had a problem with it?

WOLFE(nodding)

Yeah man, she changed my life forever.Wolfe lightly places his right hand on the receptionist desk.

WOLFEMrs. Grinsby was my first... And third, and six grade

teacher. She was cool like that, always keeping it fresh. THE RECEPTIONIST, six feet tall, muscular, sharp jell-spiked blonde

hair standing by a brand new desktop computer invites himself into

the conversation.RECEPTIONIST

(smarmy chuckle)Oh, man. I know what you players mean. I too love to keep

it fresh. The names Dion B. Real,(throws up a high five)

how can I help you two today?Wolfe and M.C exchange a confused glance.

WOLFEBe real with me Dion, is that really your name?

Dion raises an eyebrow. He is more confused then either of them. DION

Of course it is... Why wouldn't it be real?M.C

Heh, B. Real.DION

Yes?M.C

Um, yes. So we are actually looking for someone.WOLFE

-To train us! What my brotheris trying to say... is that

we'd both like to sign up for memberships.M.C looks at Wolfe, then at Dion. He flashes the same fake smile

he's used throughout the day.


33/65

M.CRight...

DIONOh, thats great! Have you spoken to anyone about it yet?

WOLFEYes! I spoke to my boy Dan on the phone earlier.

DION

Oh, you know Dan?WOLFE

Yeah, we went to school...ah, out east together. Good guy. Dion pauses with his mouth open towards Wolfe. He thinks back to

where Dan said he went to school... doesn't have a clue.DION

Yeah give me one second... What's your name again bud? WOLFE

Jamie.Dion turns around and walks to the other side of the desk where the

phone is. He picks up the phone.M.C pulls towards Wolfe for a small side bar discussion.

M.CI'm not paying for a membership just to find some guysphone.

WOLFE(hitting M.C's arm)

Relax bro... Daddy's gonna pay for it.M.C

Never refer to yourself as daddy ever again.WOLFE

If daddy's paying the bills, daddy can refer to himself in

whatever way he wants... You can train me and I'll pay for

you're membership.M.C

Ahh... Now I see. So this is just a way to get me to trainyou.

WOLFEHow so?

M.CIf you pay for me, then I'll be guilted into it.

WOLFENo, dude... No.

Wolfe puts his arm around M.C.WOLFE

Look, we need to go in as members so we have access to

stuff. We can't just go walking around like "oh have you

seen this wanted criminal uhh-duhhh". And if I happen to

get a little more swelled up in the process then so be it.M.C pushes Wolfe's arm off of him and they turn back towards the

desk.Dion walks back to them.

DIONGreat news guys. Dan said he'll cut you a heck of a deal.

Best I've ever heard of. How does 35 bucks a month per

person sound.M.C satisfyingly nods his head.


34/65

WOLFE

Nah dude... No. You get Dan on the phone again. He said 30

bucks a person. You know... I just hate to complain... M.C rolls his eyes.

WOLFE...But, I mean he did say-

DIONOkay, okay. I mean, 35 is a hell of a deal man.

Wolfe shakes his head and looks away. M.C gives a big sigh, with his

hands on his hips and right foot tapping against the floor. DION

Okay gimme a sec.Dion walks back to the same phone. Wolfe and M.C listen to Dion this

time.DION

(into phone)Hey, Dan. Dion...

His voice fades into the background as the two wannabes start to

chat.M.C

So can we have like, a secret code for when things go bad?

Like if I need your help?WOLFE

Dude, you'll always need my help.M.C

Something that won't be understandable to the untrained

ear.WOLFE

This is such a bad idea.M.C

What about snollygoster? My great grandma always used to

say that about people she didn't trust.WOLFE

So dumb.

M.CYou're right. Too nasally. We need something old people

wouldn't understand.M.C is racking his brain while Wolfe hand combs his hair in

frustration.M.C

Are you fine? R U fine? R L fine. R L Stine, dude! What

about Goosebumps? Like the book. Oh no, Goosebumps. Like,

no I'm not fine, I'm totally goosebumps right now. WOLFE

Oh wow! What a great idea man. What about Animorphs too? I

should say that.M.C

No... I'll just get super excited if you say that.


35/65

As Dion turns around, Wolfe and M.C assume their disgusted

positions.DION

Alright, Jamie. 30 it is... Right this way.M.C gives the high eye brows with a "not bad" frown combo- he's

impressed by Wolfe.INT. GYM COMPUTER MEMBER CREATOR - MOMENTS LATER

Dion is typing on the computer as Wolfe gives Dion his information.

WOLFE(to Dion)

J.A.M.I.E. - M.I.L.O.V.Y.M.C is shooting squinted eyed looks at each person passing by. His

eyes follow someone suspiciously for a moment, then he shifts to the

next person.WOLFE

Dude. Why do you keep mean mugging people? You're freaking

everyone out.M.C

You gotta treat everyone like a suspect.M.C whips his head 45 degrees and stares hard at a man passing by.The man's looks right back at him.

WOLFERight. Keep it up and we'll crack the case in no time.

Wolfe turns back to Dion. M.C hears them talk.WOLFE

Yeah, he's my step bro. We're nothing alike.(pause)

I got the looks, obviously.M.C turns and joins them. Dion is laughing to himself, and then

stops.DION

Hang on a sec. I typed in my password wrong, gotta re-do

it.(half jokingly)

Don't look at it now.WOLFE

What is it? Penis?DION

Ha! Penis! Ohh good one, bro.M.C

Nah, that'd be too small of a password.Dion suddenly goes silent and looks suspiciously at M.C.After a beat passes, Dion turns back to typing.

DIONAlright, you guys are almost all set. I just need to

choose your payment plan.WOLFE

(pulls out credit card)Put them both on my card. Daddy's got this one covered.

Wolfe winks at M.C who shakes his head.DION

Great. Your ID's will be in the mail shortly. Until then

you can just have them look you up by name.They thank Dion and walk away.


36/65

M.CNothing that can be traced back to us huh?

INT. GYM FIRST FLOOR WORKOUT AREAM.C and Wolfe walk with no where in particular to go.

WOLFEJeez, man. Ever heard of playing it cool?

M.C

Well maybe next time inform me that we are brothers.WOLFE

Stepbrothers. You could never be cool enough to be my

real brother.They laugh at the comment and continue walking. We see a couple rows

of treadmills.M.C

Well brutha, looks like you could use some cardio.WOLFE

(jabs M.C's shoulder)Shut up.

M.CYou want me to train you or not?WOLFEEhh, alright.

INT. GYM FIRST FLOOR TREADMILLSThere are about ten rows of exercise bikes, stair

masters,treadmills, etc. M.C and Wolfe are in the fifth line of

treadmills, towards the close end.M.C is jogging about seven miles per hour, swinging his arms about

45 degrees away from his chest instead of the usual 90.Wolfe has both hands clinging to the metal hand rails for dead life.

He walks only four miles per hour but his incline is maxed out.

Wolfe is almost walking on a completely vertical slope and totally

unaware of how unorthodox he looks.M.C

What are you doing?WOLFE

(short on breathe)Bro. Inclines. Are where. It's at.

M.CBy "it" do you mean looking like an old woman training for

a mall walking competition?WOLFE

Jealous.M.C slows down and starts to walk on the treadmill in order to look

at Wolfe for another moment. Then, M.C turns his head to his left.A Samoan man is a few units over, side shuffling on the treadmill

with his face staring straight at M.C.M.C

Ohp.He quickly turns his head to the row ahead of him.Another man with headphones in his ears is on a treadmill. The man

is sprinting as fast as he can every thirty seconds, pounding the

treadmill so hard that everyone else stares at him as he runs. M.C looks at Wolfe who is still marching on his upward climb.

M.C


37/65

This place is... different.WOLFE

I know, some people have no idea how idiotic they look

when they come here.M.C

Right...The man who was sprinting his nuts off is finally done with histreadmill. The sprinter gets off and is greeted by another man, a

LOUD DOUCHE. The Loud Douche is tall, fake tan, and has a layer of

brick shit house bulging out from underneath his tank top that reads

"SHUT UP AND LIFT."M.C can't help but over hear their conversation.

LOUD DOUCHE(raising hand)

High five! You murdered that thing. I was like, "just do

you're best" thinking you were some kind of pussy. But

you're not a pussy! You're the shit.SPRINTER

Uhh, thank you Raphinon. I did do my best. Same time next

week. LOUD DOUCHEAlright buddy sounds good.

The sprinter is almost out of sight, when the Loud Douche screams

after him.

LOUD DOUCHEOh, and I told you before, call me "Mooch"!

M.C looks at Wolfe who stumbles a little. They both slow down. WOLFE

Theres our man.Wolfe steps off the treadmill, but his jello legs aren't ready to

support him. He catches himself with the treadmill's side rail.M.C and Wolfe watch as "Mooch" walks down a flight of stairs. Above

the stairs in big writing it says "SAUNA".WOLFE

Yes! I love this guy.INT. GYM SAUNA OUTSIDE AREA - MOMENTS LATERM.C paces around the outside of the sauna door. His foot is tapping

whenever he stops moving and he is biting his fingernails. M.C

What are we going to say? What are we going to do?WOLFE

Relax Mariah, you're boys got this. Just follow my lead. Wolfe takes off his socks, shoes, and shirt and leaves them outside

as he opens the door. He holds it open as he looks at M.C wondering

if he is going to join.ANGRY MAN (O.S.)

Hey! Close the door!WOLFE

Sorry.Wolfe looks inside as he lets the door close on its own.

WOLFEThat's weird... You coming?


38/65

M.CYeah. It's just... I don't know.

WOLFEAlright. Listen. This guy isn't even a criminal. He is

Tanner's stupid frat buddy who probably doesn't even know

he stole something valuable. I figure we will just tell

him who we are and he will turn the stuff over. It's gonnabe simple.Wolfe digs into his bag.M.C takes off his shoes, shirt, and socks. He checks his cell phone,

with a text from his girlfriend. "Miss you!"He drinks some of his energy drink.Mooch appears from around the corner and walks right by them. He

paces to the wall looking around.Wolfe hits M.C's arm to pay attention.Mooch turns and looks at them.

MOOCHYou guys ever been here before?

M.C(nervous rush)What? No. First time, duh. Look at this kid, do you think

he comes here often?WOLFE

Nah... I don't think there are any down here.Mooch nods, puts his stuff down and goes inside the sauna. We can

see Mooch looking out the glass door at them.INT. GYM SAUNA INSIDEM.C goes in first as Wolfe holds the door for him. M.C sees that

there is only one open seat as it is packed with both guys and

girls, so he decides to stand. Wolfe enters and sees the open seat.

He makes himself cozy, right next to Mooch.WOLFE

So, how's the lady?M.C is a little uncomfortable talking across the room with other

people there, but Wolfe ushers him on.WOLFE

She doing okay?M.C

She's alright. It's just tough never getting to see her...

Long distance man, its the worst.

WOLFEI hear ya. The first year is the worst though. You'll get

used to it. Get a routine, make time when you can. I

promise, it will get better.M.C is taken by surprise. Wolfe isn't usually one to offer many kind

words, but it's something he definitely needed to hear right about

now.WOLFE

So... are you still working at that cell phonecompany?

Has anyone stolenanything from there recently?


39/65

M.C glares directly at Wolfe. He pauses, takes a breathe, and

decides to play along. What the hell, Wolfe's upfront ways have

seemed to work so far.M.C

Um...No. I mean, I am working there. Usually nothing too

important. But some people have probably stolen...

pictures? Maybe. Yeah mostly just pictures.

WOLFEYeah, I've heard taking other people's pictures is a huge

fellony... But if you return them, it's like... totally

fine. As if nothing ever happened.M.C

(nodding)Mhm. Pretty good deal.

A beat passes. They search for something else to say. M.C plays with

his stomach hair.A few people leave in silence.

MOOCHHey!

Mooch is extra loud, because he is listening to music with his tinyear buds this whole time. He startles Wolfe.

WOLFEUhh, hey?

MOOCH(loud)

Hey. When did they start making this a same-sex sauna? Wolfe looks at M.C, and back to Mooch.

WOLFEDo you mean co-ed?

MOOCHWhat?

WOLFELike, opposite sex. Why are there both guy and girls in

here?MOOCH

Yeah, I don't know. That's what I was asking you.M.C shakes his head. A woman sitting behind M.C leaves.

WOLFEYeah. I'm not sure either. I've heard some pretty crazy

stories though.MOOCH

(still yelling)Like what?

WOLFEOh man, I shouldn't say. It's not uh... it's not very

appropriate.M.C is starting to get a little annoyed, realizing that Wolfe won't

stop messing with Mooch any time soon.With all his excitement, Mooch somehow talks even louder.As he talks, we begin to see that one female is left in the sauna.

She looks very uncomfortable as she hides in the corner. Three older

men are present, all looking pissed.


40/65

MOOCHDude. I really want to know. I want to know if I can do

like... sex and stuff in here....(points to girl)

...Like with a female.WOLFE

Right. I'm not supposed to say man... I'm sorry, I justcan't.Mooch is getting visibly upset. M.C is almost as uncomfortable as

the girl in the corner.WOLFE

I wish I could tell you but-M.C

Hey man, it's getting pretty hot. I'm gonna step out for a

second.M.C walks out. Faint voices belonging to Wolfe and Mooch are still

heard.M.C picks up his towel next to his clothes and checks his cell

phone. He sets it down, puts on his shirt and shoes and whips his

bag around his back. He picks his cell phone back up, but it slipsfrom his sweaty hands and falls onto someone else's bag.M.C looks around. No one is looking. He crouches down, his knees by

his feet. He looks at the door. It's covered in fog. He rifles

through someone else's bag. He finds his phone in the bag next to a

membership pass. The membership pass in the bag has a picture on it

of the lady in the corner. He picks it up, phone still in his hand.M.C

Oh... I'm so sorry.He looks next to the membership and there is a bottle of mace.

M.CHa, never mind. You're good.

He looks back. The noises are getting a little bit louder. He moves

to the next bag, phone still in hand.Dirty socks and jock strap. Next.He opens it and see a membership card with Mooch's smiling face on

it that reads "RALPHINON MUCHACHI."With his own cell phone still in hand, he grabs Mooch's cell phone

out of the bag and wakes it up. A selfie of Mooch flexing his abs.M.C

(sighs)Shocker.

He sets down his own cell phone, so he can use both hands on Mooch's

phone.Wolfe explodes out of the sauna.

WOLFEA little too hot for the big dog eh? I told you man...

M.C slams the phone against his chest.WOLFE

What are you doing?M.C reveals the phone. Wolfe sees the selfie of Mooch's six pack.

WOLFEDid you step out to look at naked dude pics?

M.C


41/65

Did you just get thrown out of the sauna for being an

asshole?WOLFE

Oh, shit. That's Mooch's phone.Wolfe throws a hard first pump.

M.CYou could have found it too, if you weren't busy beingobnoxious.

WOLFEI was trying to get information.

M.CWhile making everyone else extremely uncomfortable?

WOLFEOh... Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe I should have just stared at

everyone in there, huh? Cuz that's your great plan...

Don't worry, I'll start staring at every person that

passes by, from now on.He stares at an old man in a hot tub and repeatedly hits M.C's

shoulder.WOLFELike this... Huh, huh? Oh, that looks like a criminal.

Better stare at him until he just... passes out.Pivots head and stares at another person.

WOLFEOr him! Huh? Do I stare like this? Am I doing it right?

Buckles?He whips his head around a third time and starts poking M.C on the

back of the head.WOLFE

How about that, huh? How about-M.C slams the phone down and shoots up, inches away from Wolfe's

face.M.C

(poking Wolfe's chest)Oh yeah, that's perfect. Just like that!

WOLFEOk, great. Just making sure I'm doing it right. Wait, hang

on...He stares at a stranger again.

WOLFE(trails off)

...I'll just make sure-Wolfe has recognized that face before. We recognize him as Agent

Christian from the teaser, but Wolfe must have remembered his face

from somewhere else.THE MAN (Christian) stands near the stairs, looking around for

something, moving his jaw around as if he is adjusting it. His eye

has a nice shiner as well.M.C

Yeah, make sure of what? You're a real pro at-Wolfe holds his finger up "hang on."

M.C


42/65

(slaps finger)Are you-

WOLFEShhh...Shut up, dude. That man... He's... I've seen him

before.Wolfe puts on his stuff, quickly. One shoe is on at this point.

WOLFE

(wrestling shirt)That guy is in the... the top 500... I saw his file, he's

in the top 500!Wolfe starts running, his other shoe flies forward in The Man's

directions. He runs towards it.WOLFE

Hey, you!The Man looks at Wolfe.

WOLFEGet over here!

The Man snarls.The Man turns and runs up the stairs. Wolfe throws his shoe at the

stairs from about twenty feet away.M.C follows after them both. Wait!He whips around and runs towards the bag.He's so close.The sauna door opens.M.C stops.Mooch's arm is out of the door, his head still inside talking.

MOOCH(into sauna)

I wasn't trying to be disrespectful I was just curious is

all. Sheesh.M.C

(to himself)Damnit.

M.C turns and runs towards the stairs, The Man and Wolfe already out

of sight.He picks up Wolfe's shoe.INT. GYM STAIRS - SAUNA ENTRANCE/EXITM.C is just starting his journey up three flights of stairs and

Wolfe is nearing the top.M.C

(calling up)Oh my gosh, I'm so dehydrated.

WOLFE(turning head back)

I know... We crushed that sauna man!M.C

Sitting in a hot, sweat lodge is not something to be proud

of... I'm cramping-BAM. M.C's shoulder collides with a MUSCULAR WOMAN's (Agent Andry)

shoulder. He stumbles into the wall, clutching the railing for

support.He looks at her, was that on purpose?

M.COK? Ow?


43/65

The Woman (Agent Andry) is in black workout attire. She glances in

his direction for a second and then continues walking. Okay? He shakes it off. Looks back one more time, trying to remember

what she looked like. Doesn't matter.He continues running up the steps.INT. GYM FIRST FLOOR MAIN LOBBYA large worker has already come over to see all the commotion fromtwo men screaming up the stairs. He is clutching Wolfe's arm in his

hand as M.C arrives.WORKER

...You. Stop. This guy is claiming to be your brother. Is

this true?M.C

(hits Wolfe's chest with shoe)Step brother. He's not cool enough to be my real brother.

Wolfe rolls his eyes.WOLFE

(putting shoe on)Ohhh, good one bro. You're sooo clever-

M.CIf only I was cool enough to be your real-WORKER

Shut up, shut up!Theirs mouths go mute but their eyes remain screaming with

hostility.WORKER

What... the hell are yall doin' runnin' up and down in

here?M.C

Uhh...Wolfe shoots a look towards the ground and puts his foot down on the

step, then brings it back up. He looks at M.C, points his foot at

the step and then mouths "bro."M.C

... Sir I don't really have time to explain how crazy our

other step brother is... We just need to go get him right

now.M.C catches a glimpse of The Man (Agent Christian) running towards

the back of the gym.The Worker lets go of Wolfe. M.C takes off.

M.CDibs!

Cue Up Chase Scene Music.INT. GYM FIRST FLOOR HALLWAY - M.C'S CHASEM.C races past a water fountain. He stops, backtracks, and takes a

sip of water.M.C

Oh, thank goodness. Ohhh, it's so good.M.C continues his chase and heads up the stairs.INT. GYM FIRST FLOOR MAIN LOBBY - WOLFE'S CHASEWolfe looks at the worker.

WOLFEHey, you're a big guy. Do you know what the best stuff is

for like...


44/65

(grabs worker's bicep)...like adding 10 or 15 pounds of mass?

No response. The worker just looks at Wolfe.WOLFE

Okay bro, I didn't wanna get all bloated looking like you

anyway...WORKER

What was that?!

Wolfe takes off.INT. GYM SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY - M.C'S CHASEM.C is looking around the area while singing a new theme song.

M.CDayne-ger! / Danger is my middle name./ da-da-da-dun /

Dayne-ger! / Without it life wouldn't be the same. / da-

da-da-dun.M.C is next to the men's bathroom door. He eyes it up.Stop Chase Music.INT. GYM SECOND FLOOR BATHROOM - M.C'S CHASECREAK. M.C peaks his head in the door.

M.C(whispering)Dayne-ger. / I sneaky sneak on through the door./ da-da-

da-dun / Dayne-ger. / I'm not sure... who I'm looking

for...M.C looks right. Two urinals, one higher and one lower, are covered

in gum. A sign above it reads: NO GUM IN URINALS PLEASE.CREAK. He looks left. Both stall doors are locked.M.C gets on his hands and knees. The closer stall has legs in it but

the further one shows nothing.M.C

(whispering)Da-da-da-dun...

M.C gets up, looking at his hands disgustedly. He slowly tip toes over to the further back locked stall. He

straightens out his posture.AHHH! He kicks the stall door with all his might.It doesn't budge.M.C recoils and holds his right leg in pain.

M.CAhhh, ffff-fudge nuggets.

We see an ELDERLY MAN in the closer stall.ELDERLY MAN

(startled)Hello?

M.C is wincing in pain.He's silent. The Man is snickering to himself as M.C's failedattempt.

M.CYou son of a bitch!

ELDERLY MANCan I help you?

He leaps onto the further stall door, trying to pull himself over.The Man is huddled on to of the toilet seat.

THE MAN


45/65

What are you doing?M.C

I'm coming to kick your ass! Gimme a second.ELDERLY MAN

I'll be done in a minute.M.C's chest and most of his torso is over the door.The Man hops down off the toilet and shoulders the door open,bashing M.C against the wall.BOOM!The Man runs out the door. M.C slides off the door, falling onto the

ground.The bathroom door is closing.

THE MAN (O.S.)I didn't do anything!

Fade In Chase Music.M.C lays on the floor in pain. He rolls onto his side.

M.CEhhh, these floors are so gross.

He makes a disgusted face.The Elderly Man exits the stall.ELDERLY MAN

You youngsters are all a bunch of snollygosters!M.C is even more disgusted.INT. GYM SECOND FLOOR FREE WEIGHT AREA - WOLFE'S CHASEChase Music Full.Wolfe is negligently walking in between a crowded area of people who

are lifting free weights, benching, machine exercises.

WOLFE(to various people)

Have you seen a guy running through here? No?(pause)

Excuse me, have you seen a white guy with a shirt hair

running around here? Anything? Hello?(pause)

Hi, I was just-The Muscular Woman (Agent Andry) stands in the corner on top of a

wooden platform with a metal bar at her shins.Wolfe approaches her. Mesmerized.

RANDOM LIFTERHey! Watch where you're going.

WOLFE(in a trance)

Your nailing it bro.Wolfe is a few feet away from Muscular Woman. He watches as she

finishes the last two reps of her set of power cleans. It's a bit

creepy actually, but I'm sure she'll be flattered.WOLFE

Nice technique.She keeps a stone cold demeanor. Her eyes acknowledge him for a

second, but nothing else.WOLFE

Sorry to interrupt a fine goddess such as yourself.


46/65

(pause)You wouldn't have happened to see an older, scrawnier,

lamer looking gentleman run through here?He (tries to) flex his traps.She takes a step towards him. She is in a quiet rage.Out of the corner of her eye, she spies Agent Christian running, not

far from where they are. He stops and looks around. Takes a breathe.

He turns his head forward and starts to run.CRASH. He knocks over the dirty towel basket a worker is pushing. Wolfe instinctively turns his head-Agent Andry quickly grabs Wolfe by the neck of his shirt, thrusting

him close enough to taste his seltzer flavored breathe. Orange

Mango. This will keep his attention on her.WOLFE

Oh, hi... I hate to do this but I really need to find

this-MUSCULAR WOMAN

No. I haven't seen anyone. I was too busy looking at you.(pause)

Why do you ask? Has someone been... naughty?WOLFE(gulp)

Uhh... Yes... Um, someone has been very... naw... naughty.MUSCULAR WOMAN

Oh no. Well, why don't you give me your number, incase I

think anything naughty might happen again.Oh my god. This neverhappens... The results of his workout must

have been even better than he thought!WOLFE

Ye... Uh, yes! YES!She looks. Agent Andry is not in sight. But the other man, the man

she shouldered earlier, is running by, but now with a slight limp. MUSCULAR WOMAN

I'll grab my phone.She bends over. It's tempting for Wolfe to peak in the mirror, to

see her bum's reflection. But she will see him! He can't. He's so

close!She shuffles through her bag. He can't resist.He peaks into the mirror. What the? He sees M.C in the reflection,

running along side a railing, looking down at the first floor trying

to spot The Man.INT. GYM SECOND FLOOR FREE WEIGHT AREA - M.C'S CHASEM.C is stepping onto a smaller, second set of stairs. No way to go

but down on these. It serves as a quick way to get to the children's

play area, just to check up on your kids.INT. GYM FIRST FLOOR CHILDREN'S PLAY AREA - M.C'S CHASE He enters the play area. It's actually quite vast, maybe the size of

half a basketball court, with an open ceiling to the second floor.

The walls are padded to muffle the children's wailing. We see The Man with his back turned, explaining something to a worn

down worker, its Antonio from the teaser, while standing next to a

LITTLE GIRL.A fight has broken out amongst the boys playing with dodge balls.

Antonio runs towards them in the far corner.


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The Man gets down on one knee and whispers something into the ear of

the little girl.M.C approaches, now twenty five yards away. One or two leather DODGE

BALLS near his feet.The Man stands up, he looks directly at M.C. One arm around the

little girl. She stands to the left of The Man from M.C's point of

view.

With his free arm, The Man brushes his jacket to the side, revealing

a gun in his hip holster. Great.The little girl sees a ball whiz by. She instinctively takes a hard

step towards it-The

Date post:	13-Apr-2018
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TWO AGENTS First Draft Critique

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